#(but yeah i have a lot of emotionsTM)

[starstaiined]

Surprise! (Pt. 1)

SUMMARY: Don’t have the brainpower for a pretty blurb, but basically some cute lil fluff centering around the Queen’s first Christmas together (after doing the show for a year) and some secret santa shenanigans! Did half of the exchange now, the other half will be posted in the next few days. 

TW: None, really? Tis a fluffy fic my mates. But there is a bit at the end where they discuss the kids they had in their past lives and how much they miss them, so lil sad piece. 

TAGGING: no one this time i don’t think

Katherine Howard loved Christmas. Even back when the holidays had been rough, living with a dad with a hairpin temper and two older brothers determined to wreck her day, she’d wait eagerly all year for the time of year where she could shower them with affection and they would semi tolerate it. And she was beyond excited to spend this Christmas with the other queens, who didn’t mind her more affectionate ways. 

And the present! If there was one thing she prided herself on, it was her expert gift giving abilities. She’d barely been able to sleep through Christmas Eve, and at six sharp she’d rolled out of bed and carefully padded down to the kitchen. She had decided, in her sleepless haze, that she would make the other Queens a beautiful breakfast to celebrate the holidays, that they could eat before the present exchange. 

Of course, there was one problem with that idea: Kitty had the culinary expertise of a seven year old. Nevertheless she prepared for breakfast. She set up six plates on the table, and immediately set to work making a wreck of the kitchen... 

The other five queens, however, woke to the smoke alarm going off. They stumbled towards the kitchen in alarm, only to find Kat fanning the toaster and looking a little worse for wear. Flour and bits of eggshells clung to her hair, but her smile was undeniably wide as she saw them. “I made breakfast!” Kat hummed happily, gesturing towards the plates on the table proudly. The plates which consisted of: two Eggo waffles that were stiff and brown on the edges but still had frost glittering at their centers, a single cold pop-tart, and a couple forkfuls of rubbery looking eggs — flecked with pieces of eggshells. 

“What-” Anne mumbled, still addled with sleep, before Jane cut her off.

“-a kind thing to do, Kitty! Isn’t it great, girls?” Jane glared at the rest of the queens, who were quick to murmur in agreement and plaster on fake smiles while still eyeing the food warily. 

Aragon ruffled Kat’s hair affectionately. “Why don’t you go sort the presents into piles while I get some hot chocolate going?” And some coffee, she was going to need coffee to get through this. “And thank you for breakfast, Kat, it looks wonderful!” She could worry about the moral implications of lying later, right now she was more than content to enjoy the bright smile on Kat’s face. 

None of the queens were willing to risk hurting Kat’s feelings, so they all (valiantly) choked down their mess of a breakfast. The only one who managed not to gag at all was Cathy, who could eat just about anything with a straight face. (It was the sleep deprivation, it numbed the sense.) Finally, finally, they finished and filed into the living room. 

Kat was on the couch, her gift for her secret santa in front of her while she all but vibrated in place. Jane smiled, settling on the space next to her. Aragon settled down by the tree, Cathy on her left and Anna on her right. Anne sat across from them, her back pressed flat against the wall. Overall, they were in more or less of a circle. Anne, noticing Kitty all but vibrating, nodded to her younger. “I think Kit Kat should start this whole thing off.” 

The rest of the queens seemed fine with that. Kat all but launched herself off the couch, pushing her giant, neatly wrapped box over to Anna. 

Anna carefully peeled off the wrapping paper, being sure to go extra slow as she watched Kat nearly implode. Finally, she stopped teasing the girl and ripped into the present. She tore off the remaining wrapping paper, then opened the box. Inside...was a stack of sweaters. Anna laughed. “This your way of making up for the sweaters you’ve stolen, Kitty?” 

Kat smiled brightly. “No, these are too replenish your stock so I can steal more.” She was only half joking. Nonethless, the others laughed. But Kat was quick to point to the box. “There’s more in there, you’ve got to pull the sweaters out. And be careful!” 

Anna raised a brow, interested piqued, and gingerly pulled out a sweater. There was obviously something hidden in the folds, so she carefully reached inside and pulled out a bottle. She stared in shock at the clear bottle — her favorite brand of vodka — before laughing. She can hear poor Jane sputtering in the background. 

“Katherine! When—How?” Jane stumbled over her words, eyebrows disappearing into her hairline in confusion and concern. 

“I have my ways.” Kat’s lips were pulled into a half smirk, freckled nose scrunching as her eyes glittered in a way eerily similar to Anne’s. (In that moment, the family resemblance was damn near startling.) The others often forgot that Kat could be just as much of a delinquent as her older cousin—those doe eyes hid a penance for mischief. “It’s better not to ask.” 

Jane buried her head in her hands, trying to process what just happened, as Anna continued to open her present. Luckily, or unluckily depending on who you ask, there wasn’t anymore alcohol. There was, however, enough energy drinks to power a small city. Underneath the sweaters and forbidden drinks was a simple best friends matching necklace, clearly home made. One half of a heart hung on a red necklace, the other on a pink one. Anne’s lips quirked into a smile. “So, I can give this necklace to anyone I choose?” 

“Uh huh. Your choice. Totally. One hundred percent.” Kat answered, attempting to appear disinterested. Even so, the smallest twinge of hurt passed over her features. But it disappeared as soon as Anna fixed the other half of the necklace around her neck.

“I was just teasing you, Kat.” Anna said, pulling the younger girl into a half hug. “I love it, all of it. Thank you.” 

Kat beamed, and settled back on the couch. Almost instinctively, Jane held out an arm and Kat curled up to her side. 

Anne watched the scene unfold fondly, glad to see her baby cousin enjoying herself. Her musings, however, were cut short as Anna yelled her name. Anne turned in time to see a small wrapped box flying directly towards her face. She let out a yelp, sticking her hands up to block her face. The box hit the top of her head before bouncing to the floor, and although it didn’t hurt in the least Anne looked up fuming. “What the fuck, Anna?” Her swearing was lost amidst the laughing of the other queens, surprised to see the princess of pranks dethroned. Anne grumbled something under her breath, before unwrapping the small box that had hit her. She opened it and...it was empty? She blinked a few times, confused, before she noticed the scrap of paper. Pulling it out, she read the words in Anna’s chicken scratch writing. Cleaning closet. 

She stood up, walking over to the closet that only Jane really used. Opening it, she found at least ten medium sized, neatly wrapped boxes lining the shelves. Well, that was one way to keep her from going through the presents. She loaded up her arms, and Cathy walked over to help carry the ones that didn’t fit, As she settled back in her seat, she gave Anna a quizzical look. 

Anna just grinned. “Thought I should give your presents a bit more of a personal touch. You know, let them reflect you.” Anne just stared, not getting it, to which Anna sighed. “You know, since you spent so much time in the closet?” 

Jane choked on her hot chocolate, Kat nearly howled with laughter, Cathy buried her head in her hands to hide her grin, and even Aragon couldn’t help the tears of laughter building in her eyes. Anne made a noise of protest, but it died to second it reached her lips—after all no one appreciated a good closet joke more than Anne. She give the queens a couple seconds to settle down, Kitty was still giggling maniacally, before she opened her present. 

Much to the horror of the other queens, they were chock full of pranking material. Itching powder. Realistic looking fake bugs. Fake blood. When Anne pulled out the stinkbombs, Aragon sighed and shot Jane a distressed look. By the time Anne had opened nine of the ten packages, each worst than the last, the queens waited with baited breath for the last package. But when she did, they breathed a sigh of relief. Anne’s eyes gleamed. “Jelly beans!!” Before Anna could say anything, Anne shoved a handful in her mouth...to spit them back out immediately. She looked utterly distraught as dark eyes focused on Anna for an explanation. 

Anna chuckled nervously. “Those....weren’t meant for you to eat, Annie. They’re called beanboozled, they put in a bunch of gross flavors. Thought it’d be good prank material-”

“You ruined jellybeans.” Anne pouted, pushing the last box far away from her. “Jellybeans Anna! That’s sacrilegious.” 

“Oh, stop being so dramatic you big baby. Just give your gift.” Aragon said with a roll of her eyes. Anne glared at her, but nonetheless picked up her gift. She walked over the couch, while Kitty all but vibrated in place. And she handed Jane three boxes, stacked on top of each other and tied off with ribbon. “Start with the biggest box. Kitty helped me with that one.” 

She took it carefully, smiling up at Anne before she unwrapped....a book? Jane’s brow furrowed as she opened it...and found a page carefully decorated with stickers, glitter, and Anne’s loopy script next to a set of adorable candids. She flipped through each page, in shock at the obvious care placed in each page’s appearance. 

And the pictures, they were pictures she’d never seen before. Aragon, caught mid-laugh with her eyes sparkling like the sun. Cathy, illuminated by her computer, sleeping on the kitchen table. Anna scowling down at her video game console. There was even one of her and Kitty. Her arm was thrown around Kat’s shoulders, her eyes shining with love, while Kat looked up at her with a lopsided grin. They were snapshots of real life: like someone had stopped time and caught their honest reactions when they didn’t even notice. Jane’s eyes had teared up while she flipped through, not that she’d noticed. “Where did you get these pictures?” She asked, voice rough with emotion. 

Anne was avidly trying to avoid eye contact. She had never been the mushy type, and she could tell that Jane was on the verge of getting sentimental. “I took them.” Anne answered after a minute. “I like taking pictures when you guys aren’t paying attention. Sometimes you guys look really stupid, and it’s good blackmail material.” She was lying through her teeth, attempting to keep her image. 

Jane saw right through her, but she didn’t say that. Instead she composed herself and nodded. Her fingers traced the cover of the book, before she handed it to Kitty to hold while she opened her next gift. The second box was filled with various kinds of knick-knacks and sweets: aka Anne’s favorite way of expressing her love. It brought a smile to Jane’s face. But it was the last gift that pushed her over the edge. Anne fidgeted uncomfortably as Jane began to unwrap that last gift, all eyes on both of them. 

Inside the last box was a rather plain locket, and a piece of paper. 

Jane’s brow furrowed, and Anne began to explain. Her cheeks burned bright red, her eyes suspiciously bright. “It’s uh — there’s this — ” Anne tripped over her words, looking uncharacteristically on edge. Kitty edged her way over, tilting her head and taking Anne’s hand. The contact seemed to soothe her, and with a shaky exhale she tried again. “There’s a company that sells stars. Like, the stars in the sky. You can buy one, and name it, and then they send you this locket with a picture of your star, and that certificate.” 

“You named a star after me?” Jane asked in confusion, not understanding why Anne seemed so on edge by that. Until...she looked down at the certificate. 

Edward. 

That one word sucked all the air from her lungs. It was lifetimes ago, but the pain had never ebbed. It was a five hundred year old wound that hurt just as much as a five second old wound. Shaking hands opened the locket, and on one side was a picture of a singular star. On the other, Anne had slipped in a portrait of him. Her heart twisted in her chest, and a tear hit the paper. She carefully put the gifts to the side, pulling Anne into a tight hug. 

To her surprise, Anne squeezed back just as hard. They stayed locked in that embrace for a long time, the rest of the room utterly still. When they finally broke from their embrace, both of them were sniffling. It was then that Jane noticed the same locket around Anne’s neck. And it was then that she remembered. Elizabeth. 

As much as Anne hid behind the laughter and the antics and the carefree attitude, she carried around the same pain. It was easy to forget sometimes. Jane squeezed Anne’s hand. Her mouth said, “Thank you.” Her eyes said I understand, and I’m here. 

Anne gave a watery grin back. “Don’t get all sappy on me, Seymour.” She scoffed, but her red rimmed eyes said I know. The two shared a moment of understanding, and then Anne settled on the couch next to Kitty. Her younger cousin curled up to her side and held her hand, and Anne felt some of the tension drain from her shoulders. “Okay Jane, why don’t you give your secret santa their gift? Get the ball rolling again?” Anne said with a forced chuckle. 

[magixmade-blog]

I am far too emotional over Tangled...like seriously. My feelings have been hurt listening to the soundtracke for the first two seasons of the animated series.

[austerlitzborodinoleipzig]

Ranking the GPF programs - Junior Pairs

Thought it was a bit too late to be doing that... And now Worlds are cancelled, and my country has entered full confinement mode, so let’s do this. 

SP

6 - Yulia Artemieva/Mikhail Nazarychev - Senza Parole, by Il Divo

One thing I hate is that trend to take iconic pieces of classical music and slap lyrics in italian instead of the melody. Here’s it’s Moonlight Sonata. To me it feels like a cheap way to do deep emotionsTM. So yeah. I hate the music here. The choreo is... unremarkable. 

Costumes : 5/10 boring grey. 

5 - Ksenia Akhantieva/Valerii Kolesov - Interstellar OST

Their last season’s SP. The music is nice, there are some nice touches here and there and a build-up to the step sequence... And since they are quite musical, the step sequence is always quite nice... Decent.

Costumes : 6/10. I like Ksenia’s new dress, with the silver top. Dislike Valerii’s silver suspenders. 

4 - Diana Mukhametzianova/Ilya Mironov - Czardas, by Mario Monti

I kinda miss their crazy FS to the Crack of Doom. Music was.. WTF to put it gently, and a bit overbearing, but that was original. 

But I like Czardas. Has been done a lot, but the music is great, and the choreo here is very nice. Mostly my problems here lie with the execution. M/M are still rough around the edges, and their skating skills are not the best, tho they have improved over the course of the season. They struggle with the steps, and tend to be a little wooden sometimes. 

Costume: 10/10. First of all, they get bonus point because pants for the lady. Then, I just love the details, Ilya’s vest and red belt. The embroideries on both their shirt. The golden seams on Ilya’s pants. Diana’s red and green ribbons in her dress. Everything has been thought through. 

3 - Annicka Hocke/Robert Kunkel - Wasting My Young Years

Here I don’t really like the music, but I like the choreo, and especially the lift. Nice execution, and Annicka always sells the mood of the program well.  

Costumes : 6/10 I like Annicka’s purple and pink dress, over the white shorts. Robert is just a block of black...

2 - Apollinaria Panfilova/Dmitry Rylov - The Matrix OST

I appreciate P/R going out of their comfort zone and testing different styles of skating. This is commendable, and I think they pulled off this challenge quite well. It took some time. At the beginning of the season they tried too hard to be intense, and ended up as rushed and frantic. Their performance at Junior Worlds in that aspect was much much better. I have a problem with the step sequence tho. Again, it looks to busy and frantic. And it’s mostly because the steps are not choreographed on the music. 

Costume : 9/10. Polya looks great in that pantsuit, but it doesn’t sit so well on Dima. 

1 - Alina Pepeleva/Roman Pleshkov - L.O.V.E., by Michael Bublé. 

A small gem. It’s not groundbreaking or anything, but it’s fun and cute. Great choreo with nice transitions here and there (that entry into the death spiral is still one my favorite of the season)

Costumes : 7/10 a bit basic but well done, and I love Alina’s red dress. 

FS

Mostly a great selection. I can’t say I hate, or even dislike any of them.

6 - Diana Mukhametzianova/Ilya Mironov - Chess

Okay. Don’t enjoy the music, and the choreo is unremarkable, but you know, it’s all right. 

Costumes : 6/10 a bit old-fashioned? idk, the chess pattern is cute, but I don’t like the cut. 

5 - Ksenia Akhantieva/Valerii Kolesov - Shine On You Crazy Diamond, by Pink Floyd

Again, one of those programs designed by your coaches to make you grow as an artist. Some nice touches here and there. Ksenia and Valerii definitely lack the polish and fluidity of movements to sell it, but it’s a step in the right direction. 

Costumes : 5/10 actually the only thing I remember about the costumes, is that there’s pants for the lady (good)... and that’s it? 

4 - Alina Pepeleva/Roman Pleshkov - Roméo et Juliette, de la haine à l’amour

One thing I like more than trashy french musicals is Russian skaters’ love for said musicals. Les Rois du Monde is an absolute BOP, and having that music be the climax and triumphant finish of P/P’s FS is everything I never knew I needed. Lots of things I like here: the death spiral, the choreo sequence, the lifts, the combined spin... Yes, it’s nice. 

Costumes : 8/10 Honestly I don’t really like that type of costumes, and I did not like them on Volosozhar/Trankov either. Also the story behind the costumes : obviously that’s an hommage to V/T but, that’s mostly an hommage to the costume designer who passed away last summer. So to honor her memory, and because they had a Romeo and Juliet FS, the coaching team decided Alina and Roman should wear those costumes. Alina’s dress is Tanya’s. Roman’s costume is basically a new costume all-together because he’s taller than Maxim so alterations were made for the costume to fit. 

3 - Annicka Hocke/Robert Kunkel - Do You Love Me/Cry To Me

Unpretentious fun jukebox program, that allows Annicka to shine, and show her bubbly personality. What else could you ask for?

Costumes : 9/10 Simple, but I love that summer party vibe. 

2 - Yulia Artemieva/Mikhail Nazarychev - Queen medley

One of my favorite programs of the season actually. I actually like the music cuts here, and I like the energy of that FS, and how into it Yulia and Mikhail get. Also the ending pose is cool. 

Costumes : 6/10 I like the idea. Yulia’s costume is cool... Mikhail’s one is weirdly cut, with a big piece of illusion fabric on the belly... Why??

1 - Apollinariia Panfilova/Dmitry Rylov - No One Ever Called Me That

That program is just a never-ending flow of gorgeous elements. It’s one of those programs that I can’t remember anything about after I finish watching it... Sounds like a failure, and it should be... Except here it works. It works because Panfilova/Rylov’s skating is so beautiful I could just watch it all day. So I don’t care if I keep forgetting what that FS looks like, because every time I watch it I experience it anew. 

Costumes : 9/10. I’m not fan of white on ice, because I think it tends to melt with the surroundings, but I love the shape of Polya’s dress, I love the neckline and the details. 

[secondplayercanada]

Super important muse update.

Hello everyone! As you may or may not know, I came to the realisation a while ago that a lot of Matts behaviours and other things actually line up perfectly with several signs of being on the autism spectrum. Further investigation showed yep, Matt is your local undiagnosed autistic adult! So yeah, this massively huge fuckoff document is a detailed description and walkthrough of where he fits on the spectrum and other important details. Its fucking massive, but please please read it all! Everything on there is important and details important things that make him him.

I’ll whack it under a readmore so you don’t have to scroll for forever.

So, before we get too far let me just preface this with an important disclaimer: autism is a spectrum. If you meet or know someone who’s on the spectrum you know just that, A person on the spectrum. Everyone is different and that's what I strive to show with Matt. Keep in mind he’s also undiagnosed, and was raised in a very different world to ours, and thus has learned to “act normal” over the centuries as he’s grown up. I’m not saying this is how every person with autism is or acts, I’m just saying this is how Matt is, as someone who’s a demigod style immortal thing. Now that we’ve done the obligatory disclaimer so tumblr doesn’t throw a shit fit, let's get into how Matt fits on the spectrum.

I’ll apologise in advance, this kind of wanders a bit, and occasionally just slides from one topic to another, but this does cover everything. And its long as FUCK.

As previously stated, autism is a spectrum ranging from the more extreme to the more subtle. Matt fits somewhere in the middle- some traits are noticeable and others are not. For example, Matt stims a lot, and he has no idea he’s actually stimming. His main stims have changed in how he shows them over the centuries, but these ones have never changed, only adapted.

1. He fiddles. Constantly. He’ll play with the hem of his shirt, the opening on the sleeve where his hand comes out, with his buttons (regardless of where they are), he’ll tug on the belt loops of his pants.

2. When his hair is long enough, if he’s starting to escalate or he’s got a lot of emotionsTM he’ll play with his hair. He’ll plait it, twirl it around his fingers, tug on it when he’s starting to get near a meltdown. If he’s having a full on meltdown he’ll pull out his hair and eyelashes.

3. Tapping and twirling. He’ll tap on the table, twirl his pen around, roll a stone with a soothing texture around in his hands, tap his arms, feet, so long as its a texture he likes he’ll play with it. Kinda fits into the fiddling, but I like to classify this as a different thing as the connotations are different.

In the modern day, he uses fidget cubes and spinners, certain slimes, certain stress balls, and he’ll occasionally chew on a pen if he’s trying not to fiddle or tap/twirl. He’s INCREDIBLY picky about textures, and he’s very sensitive to these. He flat out refuses to wear certain fabrics and styles because they are Not Good and he’ll do whatever he needs to not wear them. The main styles he hates are things like suits and ties, turtlenecks, anything that covers/restricts his neck and fabrics that don’t breathe. He can tolerate military uniforms in general because they’re designed to move and breathe. However, if something is baggy he’s usually ok with it.

Fabrics he likes are things like wool and cotton, soft things that feel like the sorts of clothes he grew up wearing. In the modern day he wears jeans and a baggy flannel mostly, though when he needs he’ll trade the flannel out for plain cotton tees. He prefers not to wear synthetic clothing as an environmental thing, and some of those fabrics are BAAAAAAAAAAD. He’s not sure which ones though, and can’t be bothered to find out so he just avoids anything synthetic as a general rule. He does know he would rather die than wear any kind of velvet, fake or real. Don’t even try he WILL rip it to shreds. Loves cashmere though.

He also has a love/hate relationship with shoes. It really depends on what the ground underneath is like. In forests and such, he can happily go barefoot. Sand? Sand is the devil. He hates sand on a similar level to Anakin Skywalker. Sand can get fucked. He refuses to go to beaches simply because he cannot handle sand, so unless its rocky or you can effectively keep the sand off of him, he won’t go. Ice and cold stuff he’s fine with, he doesn’t feel the cold as a weird ass nation thing. So he will walk barefoot and buttass naked in the middle of a antartic winter blizzard and he’ll be fine. Heat, on the other hand, he’s got a mixed relationship with. Heat on its own he can tolerate, same with humidity, but when its hot and humid he suffers and is constantly on the edge of escalating into a meltdown unless he can get somewhere cool. Hot ground is shoes weather, and he really doesn't like how most sandels feel. It's incredibly rare to find him in sandals, 99.99% of the time he has some form of enclosed shoe on. He’s also picky af about what shoes he wears, because it’s gotta fit his foot right, be comfortable, and most importantly the laces have to be just right. It’s dealing with laces thats hardest for him, if something doesn’t lace just right he can’t wear something. He hates thick, hard laces and prefers the softer ones that fit fairly flat and smoothly against the top of his foot so he’ll hardly notice them.

On the subject of noticing him, it’s his social ability that’s most likely to make someone suspect Matts on the spectrum. He HATES crowds, and the noise associated with them. He gets overwhelmed very easily in them, which best case scenario leads to panic attacks, worse case scenario he has a meltdown. He hates feeling cramped in and trapped in people, he hates feeling people in his bubbles or touching him without permission. The noises and smells in the city also tend to be his biggest trigger. He hates the smell of diesel, smoke/smog (he’s ok with woodsmoke though. And marijuana smoke. That's about it. He will throw your cigarette into the sun and you with it if you don’t back off when he’s getting antsy, as cigarette smoke in particular will give him huge headaches. He really suffered a lot when casual tobacco consumption was the norm.) he also can’t deal with lots of auditory input, and the noises in cities is often too much at once and will make him freak. Unless it's mostly the same sort of thing, for example just the babble of the crowd talking at a normal volume, he will leave ASAP.

Adding to his social problems, Matt exhibits the following common signs of autism:

1. Struggles with eye contact (over the centuries he’s learned to look at people’s noses and eyebrows, but it’s very rare he makes the concentrated effort to look someone in the eyes. It stresses him out.)

2. He struggles with facial expressions- both his own and others. He can’t read facial expressions very well, and has a resting bitch face that rarely changes. Kinda similar to canon APH Sweden. The most common facial expression he has is smile, frown, and raising an eyebrow in confusion. He’s learned raising an eyebrow while frowning is usually a nonverbal question of “please explain” so he uses this a lot.

3. Leading on from facial expressions, he can’t read body language in general or the atmosphere. He’s gotten a bit better over the centuries, but since he’s taken to hiding in the middle of nowhere on his own, he’s not as good as he could be with, ya know, a diagnosis and proper help to learn.

4. He gets fixated on things and then it's hard to stop him from focusing. Currently his things he focuses on are various environmental issues, mostly focused on conservation and preservation. His other major special interest all stages of building, from designing to actually making it. If you don’t let him finish it he’ll get really upset.

5. He really struggles with playing pretend. Like… a lot. Either something is real, or it isn’t. He understands fiction, which is fine and he enjoys reading fiction and other works that are clearly fictional, but if you try and hypothetically ask him something or have him pretend to do something it’s a struggle. As a child and early teen it would distress him to no end, but as an adult he can work through it if you’re patient.

But in saying that, he does notice things when he likes you. He’ll remember if you mention your favourite colour or food, he’ll notice when you wear a lot of a certain kind of jewelry, if you wear a certain scent a lot, if you wear certain accessories or styles a lot. He’ll notice if you have a certain kind of flower you use as decoration or in your garden. He’ll notice when you change your hair, if you wear a different style, he’ll notice you’ve been talking a lot about something you enjoy. And he’ll do his damn best to engage in the things those he cares about like. And when you’re sad he’ll use this to try and make you feel better. Think like Sherlock Holmes’s super noticing and remembering ability, only unlike Sherlock he’s not a foot-in-mouth dick about it.

On the subject of noticing what people like, Matt highly enjoys repetitive or easily broken down tasks like sewing, cooking, baking and gardening. His garden is meticulously cared for, and if he really likes you, he’ll either start growing your favourite flowers or he’ll give you as many as you want when they’re blooming. If possible, he’ll either start growing any herbs you like or use a lot in his herb garden or he’ll give you some. Stuff like rosemary he’ll bottle and dry himself and give to you so you have good homegrown stuff to use.

When it comes to clothes, he makes his own a lot so they’re Just Right, so he’ll mend your clothes, make you a nice coat or shirt, he’ll tailor things for you. He’ll even use fabrics he loathes if he really loves you. Including velvet.

He’ll also randomly make food for you and causally fob it off. Going back to noticing, he’ll make your favourite dishes where possible, things traditional to your homeland, whatever will make you feel happy. He likes making those he cares about happy. It makes him happy to spread some joy.

Moving on from happy, people yelling or otherwise freaking out is horrible for him. Mostly because the loud noises and aggression makes him escalate like that in turn, so when people get mad at him and start yelling and getting up in his business, it’ll end in disaster. Just the loud noises people make when going through a strong emotion in general isn’t good, but he’s ok with laughter now. Another reason why he avoids people- people are hard and when emotions and tensions start rising, so do his chances of meltdown.

So, what does Matt’s meltdowns look like? Depends on how bad it is and what caused it. At worst they’re your stereotypical autistic meltdown, he’s screaming, maybe crying, if it’s brought on by someone else he’ll try and hit you, if it's not a person he’ll rock, he’ll hit himself in the head, bite his arms and lips, pull out his hair by the firstful. He’ll kick if he’s on the ground, and if you get too close he WILL hit you. At this point it’s best to leave him alone. At his most mild there’s crying, he’ll hit himself and scratch his arms and rock in place. No matter how bad the meltdown is, as much as possible he’ll try and get away or remove what's caused the meltdown. If it's too much stimulation he’ll run away and find somewhere peaceful no matter what, if its a person he will fucking yeet you across a room, don’t get close. Things like sand are harder, he’ll usually just stay at his peak until someone can get him away or he doesn't have to wear it/touch it/feel it/ go near it. No surprise that war in general is absolute hell for him. During wartime if he’s in the hospitals or on the frontlines he’ll be right on the edge of a breakdown. While serving the world wars he developed a temporary hatred of mud and everything associated with them, and temporarily developed selective mutism. In general, he refused to interact with all but a handful of people (mostly nations) and even then he was mostly nonverbal.

In saying that, Matt is surprisingly good with children and it was children that were key to his recovery after the wars. He adores kids, as kids tend to be very honest and easy for him to read, and even when they lie it's for reasons he can understand. And most kids are shitty liars so even he can tell when they’re lying. Matt loves playing with kids, with kids and animals being his magic combination to help him chill no matter how close to a meltdown he is. After the wars he worked a lot with kids because he was quiet and to most kids, he was scarier than anything else that they imagined could be after them. So he became the big scary friend who looks after everyone else. Once he adopts a kid as his, he will do whatever he needs to keep them happy and safe.

He does a similar thing with animals, as animals are like kids but easier again for him to understand. He loves the small cute animals, and has been known to opely sob in delight over impossibly tiny animals like kittens and puppies. In saying that, he also loves adopting the grumpy old bastard cats who no one can get near from shelters. If you give him an inch he’ll take a mile and end up running like a bajillion Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary style sanctuaries for animals in need. Don’t test him. Their fur is oddly calming to him, a throwback to his childhood when animal hides were commonly used, especially in winter.

And yeah, that's everything. Thanks for reading this stupidly fucking long talk about Matts autism! This is a living document, so it’ll evolve as Matt evolves, so it’ll be a good idea to check back in on this every now and again once I add it to his page. However it is about 11pm as I finish this edit before posting and I woke up at 6am this morning for work and must do so again tomorrow. So yeah.

Thanks again!

[soap-brain]

A question occurred to me recently. I remember a while ago in answering someone about who cuddles/hugs in Culmets and Sunrise!Culmets you said Hugh holds 19 when sleeping, because he's afraid he'll leave. I was just wondering what you think 19 does when Hugh is asleep wrapped around him, as he doesn't need to sleep himself. Is he puzzled by Hugh doing that? How does he pass the time?

aaahh yeah! so, for the record - hugh holds 19 bc he’s cold and 19 is warm, not because he’s afraid 19 will leave (well.... at least not until the very end, but the most hugh/19 cuddles will be seemingly platonic)

yup, 19 is pretty puzzled. probably kinda annoyed too, especially in the beginning. hugh doesn’t talk in his sleep, at least not much, but he snuffles and cuddles and all that, which 19 has never really experienced, plus hugh is wrapped very steadily around him, so he can’t just slip away either (also, they’re in a sleeping bag, so he couldn’t exactly get out anyways).

unfortunately, he’s very capable of boredom, and very familiar with it. he did spend three (?) years in a crate after all, where he mastered the art of just waiting. now, however, there are lots of interesting things to think about. for example why he’s so attached to this human doctor, and why he likes him so much :D i might switch the pov to 19 and have him go through some EmotionsTM

also quick reminder that i will update sunrises again THIS SUNDAY and hopefully keep a string going!