#luckily it's still available online
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It's been over 10 years already, but putting it for the sake of credit! ホミカ by zesilo on pixiv!
#pokemon#edit#really enjoyed the og artwork and wanted to put it out there!#luckily it's still available online
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If anyone wants to know why every tech company in the world right now is clamoring for AI like drowned rats scrabbling to board a ship, I decided to make a post to explain what's happening.
(Disclaimer to start: I'm a software engineer who's been employed full time since 2018. I am not a historian nor an overconfident Youtube essayist, so this post is my working knowledge of what I see around me and the logical bridges between pieces.)
Okay anyway. The explanation starts further back than what's going on now. I'm gonna start with the year 2000. The Dot Com Bubble just spectacularly burst. The model of "we get the users first, we learn how to profit off them later" went out in a no-money-having bang (remember this, it will be relevant later). A lot of money was lost. A lot of people ended up out of a job. A lot of startup companies went under. Investors left with a sour taste in their mouth and, in general, investment in the internet stayed pretty cooled for that decade. This was, in my opinion, very good for the internet as it was an era not suffocating under the grip of mega-corporation oligarchs and was, instead, filled with Club Penguin and I Can Haz Cheezburger websites.
Then around the 2010-2012 years, a few things happened. Interest rates got low, and then lower. Facebook got huge. The iPhone took off. And suddenly there was a huge new potential market of internet users and phone-havers, and the cheap money was available to start backing new tech startup companies trying to hop on this opportunity. Companies like Uber, Netflix, and Amazon either started in this time, or hit their ramp-up in these years by shifting focus to the internet and apps.
Now, every start-up tech company dreaming of being the next big thing has one thing in common: they need to start off by getting themselves massively in debt. Because before you can turn a profit you need to first spend money on employees and spend money on equipment and spend money on data centers and spend money on advertising and spend money on scale and and and
But also, everyone wants to be on the ship for The Next Big Thing that takes off to the moon.
So there is a mutual interest between new tech companies, and venture capitalists who are willing to invest $$$ into said new tech companies. Because if the venture capitalists can identify a prize pig and get in early, that money could come back to them 100-fold or 1,000-fold. In fact it hardly matters if they invest in 10 or 20 total bust projects along the way to find that unicorn.
But also, becoming profitable takes time. And that might mean being in debt for a long long time before that rocket ship takes off to make everyone onboard a gazzilionaire.
But luckily, for tech startup bros and venture capitalists, being in debt in the 2010's was cheap, and it only got cheaper between 2010 and 2020. If people could secure loans for ~3% or 4% annual interest, well then a $100,000 loan only really costs $3,000 of interest a year to keep afloat. And if inflation is higher than that or at least similar, you're still beating the system.
So from 2010 through early 2022, times were good for tech companies. Startups could take off with massive growth, showing massive potential for something, and venture capitalists would throw infinite money at them in the hopes of pegging just one winner who will take off. And supporting the struggling investments or the long-haulers remained pretty cheap to keep funding.
You hear constantly about "Such and such app has 10-bazillion users gained over the last 10 years and has never once been profitable", yet the thing keeps chugging along because the investors backing it aren't stressed about the immediate future, and are still banking on that "eventually" when it learns how to really monetize its users and turn that profit.
The pandemic in 2020 took a magnifying-glass-in-the-sun effect to this, as EVERYTHING was forcibly turned online which pumped a ton of money and workers into tech investment. Simultaneously, money got really REALLY cheap, bottoming out with historic lows for interest rates.
Then the tide changed with the massive inflation that struck late 2021. Because this all-gas no-brakes state of things was also contributing to off-the-rails inflation (along with your standard-fare greedflation and price gouging, given the extremely convenient excuses of pandemic hardships and supply chain issues). The federal reserve whipped out interest rate hikes to try to curb this huge inflation, which is like a fire extinguisher dousing and suffocating your really-cool, actively-on-fire party where everyone else is burning but you're in the pool. And then they did this more, and then more. And the financial climate followed suit. And suddenly money was not cheap anymore, and new loans became expensive, because loans that used to compound at 2% a year are now compounding at 7 or 8% which, in the language of compounding, is a HUGE difference. A $100,000 loan at a 2% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, accrues to $121,899. A $100,000 loan at an 8% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, more than doubles to $215,892.
Now it is scary and risky to throw money at "could eventually be profitable" tech companies. Now investors are watching companies burn through their current funding and, when the companies come back asking for more, investors are tightening their coin purses instead. The bill is coming due. The free money is drying up and companies are under compounding pressure to produce a profit for their waiting investors who are now done waiting.
You get enshittification. You get quality going down and price going up. You get "now that you're a captive audience here, we're forcing ads or we're forcing subscriptions on you." Don't get me wrong, the plan was ALWAYS to monetize the users. It's just that it's come earlier than expected, with way more feet-to-the-fire than these companies were expecting. ESPECIALLY with Wall Street as the other factor in funding (public) companies, where Wall Street exhibits roughly the same temperament as a baby screaming crying upset that it's soiled its own diaper (maybe that's too mean a comparison to babies), and now companies are being put through the wringer for anything LESS than infinite growth that Wall Street demands of them.
Internal to the tech industry, you get MASSIVE wide-spread layoffs. You get an industry that used to be easy to land multiple job offers shriveling up and leaving recent graduates in a desperately awful situation where no company is hiring and the market is flooded with laid-off workers trying to get back on their feet.
Because those coin-purse-clutching investors DO love virtue-signaling efforts from companies that say "See! We're not being frivolous with your money! We only spend on the essentials." And this is true even for MASSIVE, PROFITABLE companies, because those companies' value is based on the Rich Person Feeling Graph (their stock) rather than the literal profit money. A company making a genuine gazillion dollars a year still tears through layoffs and freezes hiring and removes the free batteries from the printer room (totally not speaking from experience, surely) because the investors LOVE when you cut costs and take away employee perks. The "beer on tap, ping pong table in the common area" era of tech is drying up. And we're still unionless.
Never mind that last part.
And then in early 2023, AI (more specifically, Chat-GPT which is OpenAI's Large Language Model creation) tears its way into the tech scene with a meteor's amount of momentum. Here's Microsoft's prize pig, which it invested heavily in and is galivanting around the pig-show with, to the desperate jealousy and rapture of every other tech company and investor wishing it had that pig. And for the first time since the interest rate hikes, investors have dollar signs in their eyes, both venture capital and Wall Street alike. They're willing to restart the hose of money (even with the new risk) because this feels big enough for them to take the risk.
Now all these companies, who were in varying stages of sweating as their bill came due, or wringing their hands as their stock prices tanked, see a single glorious gold-plated rocket up out of here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the free money days. It's their ticket to buy time, and buy investors, and say "see THIS is what will wring money forth, finally, we promise, just let us show you."
To be clear, AI is NOT profitable yet. It's a money-sink. Perhaps a money-black-hole. But everyone in the space is so wowed by it that there is a wide-spread and powerful conviction that it will become profitable and earn its keep. (Let's be real, half of that profit "potential" is the promise of automating away jobs of pesky employees who peskily cost money.) It's a tech-space industrial revolution that will automate away skilled jobs, and getting in on the ground floor is the absolute best thing you can do to get your pie slice's worth.
It's the thing that will win investors back. It's the thing that will get the investment money coming in again (or, get it second-hand if the company can be the PROVIDER of something needed for AI, which other companies with venture-back will pay handsomely for). It's the thing companies are terrified of missing out on, lest it leave them utterly irrelevant in a future where not having AI-integration is like not having a mobile phone app for your company or not having a website.
So I guess to reiterate on my earlier point:
Drowned rats. Swimming to the one ship in sight.
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The Big Tease | bfd!harry
*photo is for t-shirt placement visual only. please picture who you like as reader.
best friend's dad!harry x reader - forbidden relationship au
Summary: based loosely on this request - Harry comes to your place to make sure you're taking care of yourself and you find that as hard as you try to tease him, he's not giving in to you and then some high emotions are exposed.
Word Count: 7.8k words
Warning: 18+ only, NSFW, smut, angst, age gap, cheating
bfd!harry masterlist
You tried not to feel guilty about what you were doing with a married man. Your best friend’s dad. It was hard when it came to keeping it a secret from everyone. Keeping it a secret from Fae.
“Where’d you get this?” Fae brushed her fingers over the pretty little bracelet Mr. Styles gave you a few nights before. It was gold with three round light-colored opals in the center and two round-cut tiny diamonds on either side. It was dainty and sweet and you knew it was expensive after googling the brand and finding the exact item available online and in high-end shops nearby.
“Ahh… my mom and dad got it for me a while ago. Just haven’t worn it in a long time. Forgot it about,” you lied with a shrug. Lying to her made you nauseous.
“Really? How could you forget about this? It’s gorgeous! Looks really pretty on you too,” she complimented and you frowned as you looked down at it.
You hated lying to your best friend. But what could you do? You certainly wouldn’t admit to your affair with her father. And of course, you weren’t quite feeling guilty enough to put an end to it either. Mr. Styles was the best you’d ever had and you were completely smitten with him.
When you two finally made it back to your apartment after shopping and eating and stopping at the ice cream shop for a treat you’d also forgotten all the lovely flowers you had sitting around your living room and kitchen.
It had also become a thing where you’d get the most exquisite bouquets delivered to you every Monday morning. Peonies, roses, phalaenopsis orchids, and gardenias all stuffed with hardly any filler. You knew the bouquets he was sending you were hundreds of dollars a pop. But they were breathtaking.
You quickly assessed in your mind whether or not you’d removed the cards from them which would have given everything away should Fae see. Unlocking your door and letting yourself in first you quickly glanced around and the freshest bouquet clearly still had its card poking out of it. You made a beeline across the room as Fae closed your door behind her and plucked the tiny card out, crumpling it in your hand, and then bent down next to the table to pretend you were doing something else.
“Those are so pretty, Y/n. Oh my god. Do you have a flower service or something?”
You had three bouquets placed around your living room. One was clearly old and some of the flowers were drooping, losing their vibrant colors, while the newer ones were full of soft pinks and purples, crisp white and cream…
“Yes. I decided to start treating myself to nice flowers every week.” You smiled. Another lie. You couldn’t afford a weekly delivery of these kinds of flowers and if Fae bothered to research how expensive bouquets like this were she’d have questioned you further. But luckily she didn’t.
The bracelet, the flowers, your glow… all things she noticed, could have been an indicator of a lover but as far as you could tell she hadn’t connected the dots. Or at least she didn’t voice it to you.
Of course, everything could be explained. But she was your best friend. If you weren’t more vigilant, she’d be catching on soon, you were sure.
. . .
The following day after a morning shift at the restaurant you arrived home and collapsed on your couch. It was exhausting. The restaurant was only open for breakfast and brunch on the weekend (where normally it’s only a dinner spot the rest of the week) and it was slammed. Mimosas, eggs benedict, fancy French tarts, and pastries, huge parties of people, music, guests nursing hangovers… The restaurant was well known for its weekend breakfast and brunch with bottomless mimosas and Bloody Marys. The clientele were usually upper-class folks who didn’t mind spending $35 for their mimosa and then only ordering 2 when they could have had as many as they wanted. A local creamery provided butter, yogurt, and milk for your special breakfast dishes, and a bowl of fancy yogurt and some in-house granola was $15. The cheapest food item on the breakfast menu. The cheapest item on the menu was a cup of black coffee, refillable. Unless you ordered the free tap water.
You got lucky to eat anything while you served breakfast. It was typically too busy to take a bite of anything. But the tips were excellent because everyone was usually in a great mood.
You were startled awake by your phone vibrating in your back pocket. You’d fallen asleep without even realizing you’d closed your eyes.
Pulling the phone out from under your body you realized it was Harry calling you (he normally didn’t call unless it was prearranged).
“Hello?” You sat up as you answered.
“Baby! I was worried. Are you okay? I didn’t hear back from you.”
Harry had a thing where he wanted you to text him when you got home from work to let him know you made it safely, even if it was a morning shift. He was always so worried about you but you kind of loved it.
“I’m fine. Sorry! I fell asleep as soon as I sat down on the couch. God, I’m so exhausted. Fae was here late last night and then I had the breakfast shift so I only had like four hours of sleep…”
“Hey, it’s okay. I was just worried. I texted you and then never heard back. Just started to panic. Have you eaten?”
You smiled and his soft deep voice made you feel so comfortable and safe, “I haven’t eaten yet. I had a bit at work but just passed out as soon as I got here.”
“So you’ve only had something to eat at work? It’s already dinnertime, Y/n.”
Harry did have a tendency to sort of scold you like he was your dad. Maybe it was ingrained in him in some ways. To try and take care of you and remind you to do things like eat.
“Geez, Dad. I’ll get right on it,” you teased.
Harry was silent for a moment, which had you worried. Perhaps calling him ‘dad’ had been unwise.
But then suddenly his voice broke through the line, “I’m coming over. I have a feeling you don’t have any groceries and I’m gonna make you dinner. Something to eat.”
You scoffed, “I mean… I have food here. I will eat. You don’t have–“
“I’ll be there within an hour,” he interrupted and you nodded to yourself.
“O… Okay. Um… yeah. In an hour.”
. . .
You quickly showered and tossed your dirty clothes into your clothes hamper so they weren’t strewn about your bedroom floor. You tidied up and kept yourself busy until he finally arrived. You were getting all worked up knowing he was coming over.
You didn’t know what he had been telling Mrs. Styles about why he was leaving or when he’d stay with you overnight, or spend hours in your bed every week. Though there were times he could only come over quickly, most of the time he stayed with you long enough that he’d need a good cover story. You kind of hoped you could have him for the night.
When he knocked at your door and you opened it up for him you saw he had his hands full. One arm around a sack of groceries and in his other hand the bag he normally packed for when he was staying the night.
You smiled when you saw his handsome face and ushered him into your small apartment. He leaned in to kiss you quickly, “Just showered?” He asked.
“Well yeah,” you spoke as you closed the door and followed behind him to your kitchen, “I didn’t have the chance earlier because I fell asleep as you know,” you laughed.
“Mmhmm…” he grunted affirmatively as he began to remove the grocery items from the bag one by one.
You saw tomatoes, fresh basil, flour, mushrooms, cheese…
“What are you making?” You picked up the container of buffalo mozzarella and then looked at Harry.
“Margherita pizza. One of my favorite little recipes my mom used to make.”
You placed the container down, pulled his arm to drag him toward you, and stood on your tiptoes to kiss him.
He immediately paused what he was doing and wrapped his arms around you, deepening the kiss and then giving you a taste of his tongue.
But then he pulled away with his signature teasing smirk and went back to his task.
“You brought your bag. Gonna stay the night with me?”
He nodded as he folded the paper bag up neatly and then looked at you, “If that’s okay. Have to leave early, though.”
If that’s okay.
You laughed to yourself and nodded, “Of course, it’s okay, Harry. God, what I wouldn’t give to have you with me every–“ You stopped what you saying when you realized how suddenly serious that thought was. You did want him every night. You wanted him to yourself but you hadn’t discussed that with him before.
Harry placed the neatly folded paper bag down on your little counter and then pulled you back toward him with his hands on your hips, “Yeah? Every…? What? Every night? Want me every night, baby?” That same sneaky, devious smirk on his face had you melting and warm.
“I just meant, you’re always welcome,” you slid your hands up his chest and bit your lip. You were a little embarrassed that you admitted that but it was obviously too late now.
“I’m always welcome or you want me every night? Which is it?” He gripped you harder so you couldn’t escape his questions, his gaze.
You puffed a breath out through your lips with a laugh, “Both.”
He loosened his grip and brought a hand to your face, his eyes fixed to yours, “Both. I’d much prefer to be here with you every night too. Would if I could.” The thumb that trailed over your cheekbone and to your temple was soft and loving. You knew he meant what he said.
Harry’s pizza was superb. Your oven wasn’t quite right, he kept saying as he baked it but to you, it was the best thing that had ever come out of that cheap appliance.
“Usually like to make this in a brick oven. The one I’ve got in my backyard, but this will do in a pinch I suppose.”
Your mouth was full as you nodded, “So good.”
Harry laughed at your stuffed cheeks and the way you were gobbling down what he’d made.
“Aren’t you going to eat more?” You asked him finally when you’d swallowed your bite. He’d only had one slice.
“Already had dinner. But I wanted to feed you. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”
For some reason with a tummy full of Harry’s pizza and the kind gesture of his cooking to help take care of you had you reeling and needing more than just food.
Of course, it would have been impolite to just abandon cleanup but you were suddenly aware of how his sleeves were pushed up his forearms and how his dimples were extra deep accompanying his attractive smile. And his hair looked too tidy, you needed to get your hands in it. Needed to get him out of his clothes. Get those long fingers around your neck and touching your body immediately.
You set your plate down on the small kitchen table you were both sitting at and slid your hand up his thigh, “Oh is that why you came over here? The only reason?” You grinned and he leaned back into his chair and looked at you, keeping his own grin in check.
“Need to make sure my girl is healthy. Has everything she needs.”
“Yeah? And sometimes I need more than just food too, Mr. Styles.”
Harry crossed his arms over his chest and spread his legs slightly as you continued moving your hand upward, “Oh I know, sweet girl. You need a lot of things, don’t you?”
You nodded, “What about you? Do you need things too? From me? Anything I can help you with?”
Now his grin was breaking out over his face but it was cheeky, playful, “Of course I do.”
But he wasn’t giving in to your little game. He liked having you be the one to ask for it. You didn’t know why but he loved hearing you beg him. You always resisted begging. At first anyway. Sometimes he’d give in without you needing to.
“And what do you need from me?” You stopped short of putting your fingers over where you knew he was tucked under his pants. The obvious natural bulge he sported giving away where he normally liked to position himself.
“Whatever you’re willing to give me, love. But I’m here because you needed to eat first and foremost. And you needed some groceries.”
You laughed and skipped over his lovely cock and put your hand up to his chest, scooting your chair in a little closer, “I’ll give you anything you want, sir. All you have to do is ask.”
Harry smiled and licked his lips slowly, “I’m as content as I can be here with you right now. Could sit here all night listening to you talk. S’that what you want? Want to touch my chest,” he flitted his eyes down to where your hand was before looking back into your eyes, “and my thighs, and chat all night about my pizza making skills and your lack of healthy food?”
You folded your lips into your mouth to keep yourself from laughing. He was playing a game of chicken with you. You really wanted to win this time.
“Well, that does sound really nice. You’ve filled me up so good with your yummy pizza. Guess I don’t need anything more than stimulating conversation with you if that’s all you’re interested in.”
Harry swallowed and breathed a laugh out of his nose, “Fine. Pizza and conversation it is.”
You wanted to huff in frustration. He still had his arms crossed over his chest, just under where your fingers were toying with the buttons on his shirt. He wasn’t giving in. But you had a thought.
“I’ll be right back.”
You hopped up from the chair and pranced to your bedroom. If he wanted to tease so would you. Stripping off your sweats you dug out your thin white Hey Lover t-shirt and tied it up just under the center of your breasts, and black cheeky boy short panties. You’d pretend you were only getting comfy since it was already late in the evening. He’d know what you were up to but you could play it off like you just wanted to get into your comfy house clothes.
When you got back to the kitchen Harry was already cleaning up.
“Hey, let’s do that later. Wanna sit and talk a bit.”
Harry tsked you, his back still turned as he wrapped up the rest of the pizza in foil, “I worked hard on this. Don’t want it to go bad. You can go sit–“ when he finally turned his full gaze back to you he stopped mid-sentence. You saw his jaw clench and his nostrils flair.
Not fair. That was not fair of you.
You knew your top especially was going to drive him mad. It was thin and your nipples were poking through the material and he could certainly see the shadow of the deeper color of your areolas popping through.
And he did. You noted where his eyes roamed, pausing over your tits for a good few seconds before licking his lips and turning back around to finish his job.
“Go sit.” He said without a single note of sweetness or desire.
You smiled to yourself as you walked into the living room and sat on your couch. Putting on a little music you selected a good little playlist that you knew he’d like.
Trying to act as unbothered as you possibly could you found a comfortable position on the couch and leaned into your cushions as you waited for Mr. Styles to join you.
It wasn’t long before he was casually strolling into the living room and sitting on the couch, leaving a few feet between you two. He draped an ankle over his knee and sat back, looking totally cool and unbothered.
You stretched and gathered your hair into your hands to expose your neck as you spoke, “So, how was your day today, Mr. Styles? You already know all about mine.”
Harry nodded slowly as he looked at you, keeping his eyes on your face, “Normal. Woke up and worked out, read an article, and played some golf with a colleague. That’s it really. Now here I am feeding you and entertaining you with conversation,” he grinned and you saw his eyes quickly take in your neck.
You smiled and sighed, “Sounds nice. I’ve played golf a few times. I’m terrible at it, though. Once a guy who took me tried to straighten out my stance but it did no good. No matter how many times he helped me adjust my grip or pushed my legs to spread them out properly it just didn’t work,” you chuckled. It was true. You’d gone with a guy a couple of years back on a date. He was flirting with you when he tried showing you the proper way to stand and hold the club but it turned into making out in the golf cart and a quick fuck in his car before he dropped you at home.
“S’that so? He probably wasn’t a good player either if he couldn’t give you any tips to help you improve your game.”
You shrugged, “I don’t know. I think he was more interested in getting my clothes off than anything,” you kept your eyes on his to asses but there was nothing there that indicated jealousy.
You had to amp it up. Do something to make him lose it. Wanted to watch him thicken up in his pants.
Dropping your hair you tucked your legs under yourself and turned to face Harry. You knew he was trying his hardest not to let his eyes drop below your neck. He knew he’d be fucked if he took in the way the soft cotton stretched over your breasts.
“Anyway. Are you any good?” You allowed your own eyes to take him in fully. His composure was sure to falter at some point.
“Yeah. I’m all right. I can hold my own.”
His short answer was not exactly what you were hoping for but you didn’t let it deter you. For some reason, his standoffish behavior was getting you even more worked up.
“Bet you can hold your own. You’re just so naturally good at everything you do,” you moved your finger over your tummy, keeping your eyes on his, “I know first-hand.”
Harry raised his brows and the movement of your hand over your torso and then down toward the top of your panties had him dropping his sight to where you were softly ghosting your fingers along the elastic band. You tugged at the knot on your shirt before moving your hand back up toward your chest, your thumb pressed between your thin cotton t-shirt-covered tits.
He watched your fingers and then looked back up at you, “Do you? And what do you know of my skills?” He smiled softly. Still appearing totally unbothered.
You sighed and tilted your head, keeping your eyes on his before stretching your arms over your head and allowing your shirt to lift the tiniest bit, revealing the bottom of your breasts. You only put your arms down once you were satisfied that Mr. Styles had gotten a good look, “Well, for example, you just made me a pizza that was to die for. Also, you recently got promoted at work and now you’re some big shot,” you unfolded a leg from underneath your bum and stretched it out, pressing your bare foot onto Harry’s thigh, “And I’ve seen you work out,” you nudged his muscled thigh, “You put men half your age to shame. You’re so athletic…” you began to pull your foot away but Harry gripped your ankle and pulled your leg to drape over his thigh making you smile in triumph. Though you’d not yet won this round, he was clearly giving in to you bit by bit.
“Hmmm…” Harry nodded and hummed quietly. He kept his hand on your shin and his eyes a safe distance from anything below your chin, “I know I’m good at a lot of things. Can make you dribble all over your chin by just pulling my pants down,” he licked his lips, “Feel like that’s a great skill of mine. What else…” his hand began to brush over your leg softly and you scoffed at him but of course, he was right. You both knew it. He made you drool and whiney and hot. He didn’t even have to do anything.
“That was one time. And you had your fingers in my mouth. It wasn’t because of your cock,” you lied. Well, his fingers in your mouth did have you drool down your chin and when he pulled his pants down, he teasingly pointed out how your chin was shiny and you’d dripped saliva down your neck and to your chest.
“No? Hmmm… but you were so desperate to get it in your mouth that you tried grabbing me and when I told you to be patient you whined and drooled all over the floor. You can pretend all you want, little girl. I see what you’re trying to do.”
You watched as his hand traveled up your leg and past your knee to your thigh, “Wearing this little getup… trying to seduce me. So desperate for me. But you’re gonna have to try a lot harder than this, Y/n. You can lie to yourself and pretend you're not bothered and change the subject and show me your pretty tits all you want. S’not gonna change the fact that you’re gonna wind up a messy little puddle begging me for anything I’ll give you. Isn’t that right?”
Your mouth dropped open in faux shock. He was right. But you weren’t ready to give up yet.
“Whatever you say, Mr. Styles. I know you like having your ego stroked. So go ahead and keep telling yourself that you’ve got the upper hand. We both know you’re already folding. I can sit here all night and chat with you like this if you want. Doesn’t bother me one bit.” You folded your arms across your chest with a grin.
Harry laughed quietly and shook his head. You were fun. He loved these moments with you. Loved giving you a hard time. Loved when you gave him a hard time. He softly pinched the inside of your thigh and you laughed, attempting to pull your leg away but he held you in place, large palms keeping your leg over him, fingers digging into your skin.
“Darling, you forget who you’re dealing with. I’m not the one resorting to skimpy clothes and trying to hide how turned-on I am. I see you trying to keep your legs pressed together. Hiding something,” he jutted his chin toward you and looked over the spot between your legs where he knew your panties covered up a tiny secret.
You wore black panties on purpose. Any wetness would be easier to hide, but keeping your legs pressed together could ensure he didn’t see the wet patch that had begun to spread. However, the way he was holding your leg over his lap made it quite difficult for you to not open your thighs a little.
“You just love to imagine that you’ve got me all bothered. But you’re wrong. I’m totally fine.”
Harry smiled and pulled at your leg further, causing a small yelp to slip out from your mouth followed by a tiny bit of laughter at the way you lost balance when you were pulled toward him, your other leg being tugged at to drape over his thigh.
“Good. Then we can just sit here and talk about the weather and maybe politics if you’re into that. Or is there another topic you had in mind since you’re so keen on just sitting chatting all night?”
You steadied yourself, back against the cushion as you pressed your legs together again and looked up at him innocently, “Randy called me the other day. Said he missed me. Apologized for being rude when we were together. That was nice to hear. The apology,” you wiggled your hips to fix your seating so you could appear more casual, despite having your legs in Harry’s possession over his lap.
Harry’s large palms ran up the outer sides of your thighs slowly before dragging back down to just above your knees, keeping his eyes on yours, “Oh really? Thinking about getting back with him then?” He spoke trying to tamper the playful smile on his face.
You snorted a laugh and grinned teasingly, drawing your fingers across your breasts, “Nahh… I can do better. I mean… maybe if I’m desperate and just need to scratch an itch. You know? Being a single girl gets hard at times. My dildo is only gonna give me a small taste of what a man can. Even if he’s not great in bed.”
Biting the inside of his cheek he nodded with dark eyes, “Would be such a shame to waste a good fuck on Rudy like that when you’ve got me at the helm. Of course, you're too stubborn to admit it. All you have to do is ask.”
You sighed and dropped your hands to your lap with a pout, “Randy. His name is Randy. But anyway… I don’t have to beg Randy to fuck me. He’s never pretended he was unbothered by me. Always quite straightforward really. If he wanted sex all he had to do was tell me. You on the other hand,” you poked your finger into his arm, “like making it hard for me, which is quite impolite. So I’m okay with not having sex if you just aren’t up for it.”
Harry pushed a laugh out through his nose at your tease, “Rudy sounds like a fucking bore. And he never gave you an orgasm. Either you have really bad taste or you’re just a tease. I have a feeling I know which it is, too. Little girl likes to play games. I can play games if you want. But you know I’m gonna win.”
You knew he was right. You wanted his cock but he wasn’t budging. All you had to do was admit it. Ask him politely. And you would when you couldn’t handle it any longer but you were having fun and the back and forth was like foreplay for you.
He kept one hand grasped around the outside of your thigh while his other smoothed inward, fingers pushing your thighs apart the tiniest bit and then gently dancing upward. If he moved his fingers too far up he’d feel how damp you were already.
“I’m not playing games,” you spoke matter-of-factly, watching as his hand traveled over your skin, “I can just tell maybe you’re tired Perhaps you’ve had a long day and it’s almost bedtime for you. I mean I get it,” you laughed in preparation for what you were about to say, “When you get to be your age things just slow down a little. It’s okay if you’re not up for it tonight, sir.”
Harry pulled his lips into his mouth and closed his eyes as he laughed at your attempt to provoke him.
When he looked back at you his expression was serious as he pried your legs apart, swiping the pad of his pointer finger right over the wet material of your panties and raised his brows as if he was shocked. Though you knew he was goading you, “You know goddamn well that my age has nothing to do with my libido. Difference between me and you is that I have incredible willpower and I know that you’re gonna be begging me to stuff your pussy before the night is over.”
You laughed and shook your head, “Nope.”
Harry pressed his thumb right over where your clit was already aching and grinned, “Yep.” Popping the p for emphasis. “See I’ve already got you soaking your panties. Goosebumps on your legs. Your nipples are hard. Your face is warm. I bet your heart is pounding too, just wishing you were getting the life fucked out of you right now. And you could be,” he spoke lowly as he slid a finger under the fabric of your panties and smoothed it over your skin, but not touching your crease or your clit like you hoped, “If you just admit it.”
You noticed that his cock had plumped under his pants. A good sign, you figured, “Nothing to admit. I might be turned on but I can hold out. In fact, I’d bet you’re not in much better shape with your cock swelling up like it is. You need this wet pussy to soothe that big dick, don’t you?”
Harry’s undisturbed body language was a concern because even though his prick was growing harder by the minute, you were starting to boil while he still seemed unphased.
“Oh, honey…” Harry smiled at you like you were a pitiful thing, “I’m doing just fine. In fact, probably just gonna fuck my own fist before we go to bed since you’re so stubborn. Maybe I’ll let you watch me too. I’ll be just fine. Just love being here with you. We don’t always have to have sex.”
You clenched your jaw and huffed imagining that scene. Having Harry yank his cock with his big hand until he was coming on your floor. You’d want to lick it up off the floor too. Scoop it all up and swallow it down. He had you obsessed with his come. Well, with him in general.
You tried to think of something to say but your brain was stuck on the image of him slowly stroking his fat cock and saying filthy shit to you while you tried to hold it together and not give in to your own urges.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Harry lifted a hand to your face and brushed his thumb along your jaw and up over your cheek, “Need to tell me something?”
Your lips parted and you breathed out a small whimper and squished your eyes closed. Your determination was crumbling with his soft touches.
“S’okay. If you don’t mind,” Harry pushed your legs off of him and quickly began to unbutton his pants, “S’getting tight in there…” he pulled his pants down just a touch so that the bulge under his briefs was now poking out and he had a bit more space to breathe.
He pressed over his erection and straightened himself out and suddenly the tip of his cock was peeking out over the band of Calvin Kleins. You closed your eyes again and tried to will yourself to not give in to him. But what was fair was fair. You were teasing him with your body and now he was returning the favor.
When you heard Harry chuckle you opened your eyes to look at him and your head was fuzzy. He was literally mouth-watering. He’d unbuttoned his shirt so you could see his tattoos and the large erection poking out from his briefs was like an actual cherry on top of it all. You licked your lips and swallowed down your saliva as you stared at his swollen head. It looked like something you could just pop into your mouth and suckle on if you weren’t so stubborn.
But Harry loved how stubborn you were. You really did make him work for it. You were exciting and sweet and he loved the way you teased him.
“If you want some you can have some, sweetheart. I know you’d like a taste. S’right there for you if you just ask politely.”
You groaned and looked away from him but your eyes were burning and all you could think about was straddling his lap and pushing his briefs down so you could fuck yourself on him. You were actually vibrating and pulsing you were so turned on.
And when you thought about it all… how this was all just a game anyway. How you both knew you’d end up with his come dribbling out of your cunt and satisfied and fucked out before you went to bed you laughed, “Fuck it…” you said as you crawled yourself over his lap and Harry’s hands found your hips, “I want you. Okay? You win.”
He had a pleased smile on his face when he felt you press your soaked panties over his briefs and plaster your lips over his in finality.
He would have laughed and teased you for giving in but he was thankful you did. Because he was aching for you.
You were desperate too. You pulled away from the kiss and put your hands down to his briefs and pushed at the material before sliding the crotch of your panties to the side and letting your wet hole kiss his tip softly as you looked into his eyes, “Can I please have it?”
Harry’s smirk fell from his face the moment you began to lower yourself, coating him in your slick arousal, “Yes. Take what you want. Fuck…”
The music was soft and you could barely hear the lyrics as you began to work yourself down and up along his length. You moaned as you felt him poke deep and keened, sucking in a sharp breath, “So thick…” you panted.
You were wetting Harry’s briefs and the tops of his pants but he didn’t care in that moment. He’d take care of the issue after you were done, “Yeah? Needed to stuff yourself with my cock didn’t you darling? Feels good?”
You nodded and held onto the back of the couch as Harry moved his hands from your hips up to the bottom hem of your top and pushed the material up so he could finally look at your pretty breasts. His favorite. He leaned in and suckled your tit into your mouth and you gasped softly.
You began to ride him a little faster, sticky slick noises coming from between your bodies as you writhed up and down his cock.
“Harry!” You shouted his name in a desperate plea. You didn’t know what you were pleading for but you just wanted more. His tongue and lips and teeth on your tits and his heavy, hard dick inside of you were really all a girl could ask for.
Harry moaned and licked over the spot he nipped next to your nipple and moved his lips over your soft flesh as he spoke, “Poor thing… so needy for me. Should have just given in the first time I told you to, baby.”
The couch under you squeaked gently as you rose and fell over him. The relief of having him inside of you had you tearing up.
Harry tilted his head back to look at your face. And just as he expected you were completely insatiable. Your expression was hungry and lusty with your lips parted, a pained look across your features.
Harry cooed at you and slid his hands up from your soft breasts to cup your face and make you kiss him. Your mouths moved together slowly as you shifted over him, slowing down a little now that your mouths were connected.
Harry pulled away, keeping his hands at your face, “Slow down a little bit. Here…” he dropped one hand to your hip and stilled you, pushing you down all the way over his shaft until you were firmly seated in his lap and his tip was stuffed so far inside of you it hurt making you whine and quiver.
“Like that. Just sit and feel me. No need to hurry. Gonna always take care of you. Okay?” His lips pressed over yours again and you moaned into his mouth.
You acted as if you were starved. You canted your hips slightly to glide your clit against his pelvic bone and he gasped and pulled away again, “I know you need it, baby. Just slow down. You were so desperate weren’t you?” He thumbed at your cheek and wiped your tears with a grin, “Always my good girl. Aren’t you?”
You bit your lips and whimpered as you nodded. You felt like a pathetic girl. It was like the moment his cock was inside of you all your good sense flew out the window and you were a melty, needy puppy in despair, deprived of attention and love. You needed more and more and more every time he entered you. It only got worse as the months crawled on and your affair got more serious.
“I wanna be your only good girl. Please…” You slid your shaky fingers into his hair and smoothed your lips over his with a tremulous breath.
Harry rocked upward, dipping into your sensitive insides and you gasped again, parting your lips from his.
“Look at me, Y/n…” Harry spoke as he moved a hand to the back of your neck.
You locked eyes with him and your sad little pout had him leaning in to give you a soft kiss at the corner of your mouth before he looked back into your eyes, “You’re my good girl. No one else. Just you, baby. Understood?”
You nodded and sniffled, “But I’m not,” You jutted your bottom lip out like a child and felt ridiculous. You didn’t know what had you so emotional suddenly. Maybe it was the build-up and all the teasing. Or the way you always gave in to him and he was so cool and secure in himself while you were shaky and desperate.
Harry moved a hand down your back and kept his other hand brushing softly over your cheekbone, “Yes you are. You’re mine. You’re my only.”
You didn’t want to say it. Hated to bring it up but you couldn’t help it or you thought you’d explode if you didn’t tell the truth, “But you’re married. I might be yours but you’re not mine.”
He hadn’t quite expected it. You knew the situation. He couldn’t just leave his wife of 20+ years. It didn’t work that way. But to hear you say it was… well it gave him pause.
“Okay. I am married. But I’m here with you right now, Y/n. Because I’d rather be here with you. Wish I could be here every night. And I would if I could.”
You nodded. You knew he’d prefer to fuck you rather than his wife. That part was understood. But he’d never actually choose you over her when it came down to it. “I know. I’m sorry for bringing it up. I just… I’m starting to…” You swallowed the words your heart wanted to reveal but you stopped, “Just want to see you more I think. Once a week or every other week isn’t good for me. Need you more. I think that’ll make me better. I’m sorry… I don’t know –“
Harry shushed you and stroked your back softly, “I want to see you more too, baby. Should we think of a way to make it twice or three times a week even? Will that make it better?”
You smiled and nodded, “Three times a week? Oh my god…” You kissed him and squealed at the idea of having him three times a week.
Harry laughed and nodded, “If it makes you happy. Didn’t know you needed more, honey. Didn’t want to make you sick of me.”
You laughed in return and shook your head, “I could never be sick of you, Harry. I’m…” You stopped yourself once again. The words on the tip of your tongue but that wouldn’t be fair. To you nor to him. “I’m happy you want that too.”
Harry’s fingers on your face felt soft and comforting, “Of course I want that. I want you happy. And that would make me happier too.”
You felt dizzy with love and excitement as you pasted your lips to his and began to rock your hips slowly again.
You knew you were selfish. Knew you were getting in too deep but you didn’t care. Maybe down the road one day it would hurt but for now, you would be happy with anything he gave you.
Suddenly Harry shifted and brought his arm to cradle you close as he laid you down flat on the couch, his thick cock still inside of you. But now he was hovering over you with a dark smile on his face, “I need to fuck you like you’re mine. Show you I mean it,” he said as he pulled your legs up, calves pressed over his shoulders, and began to roll his hips into you. The springs in the couch cushions danced under your back and creaked as he picked up the pace.
You coughed out a moan and squished your exposed tits together. You still had on your shirt, tugged up above your tits, and your underwear, and Harry still had his clothes on, while his shirt was unbuttoned and his pants were down past his bottom. You were both the picture of neediness, not even bothering to take the time to undress fully.
Harry held onto the back of your thighs as he plunged in and pulled back to his tip, before plowing his cock into the hilt again. Every time his hips met the back of your thighs the sticky sound of your arousal on his cock was unmistakable.
He swatted at your thigh when you began to slip from his hold, your leg wobbling free from his shoulder, “Stay put. Keep your legs up,” he grunted.
You gasped and nodded, “Yes, sir…”
Every dip of himself into you felt divine. His cock pushing into your insides and slipping into your guts repeatedly was noisy and delicious.
Harry moaned, unable to hold back how good it felt to be inside of you.
You looked up at him and saw how gone he was. His soft raspberry lips were parted and his eyes were dark as he gasped and panted. His thrusts were becoming harder and sloppier and he was breathing hard. You wanted his come.
“Need it, Harry. Give it to me…” you whispered as you brought a hand up to his jaw and he kept his eyes on you. He was shaking with desire you could feel it.
“Fuck, honey…” he groaned and clenched his jaw. He wanted to make you come first but his own emotions were getting him keyed up and he was already leaking a steady stream of pre-come into your pussy with each stroke.
He stopped his motions and sucked in a sharp breath as he lowered a hand to your clit, “Need you to come first, okay? Then I’m gonna fill your pussy like you need, baby.”
With his thumb on your clit you cooed in ecstasy. You had no idea what you were saying as you felt electricity begin to thrum through your body, winding its way around your ribs and down your spine, and into your tummy where sparks began to turn to fire as he began thrusting into you again.
“Want you to fuck your come deep into my womb. Breed my pussy, sir…” You moaned your words unable to stop it.
Harry grunted and he popped his eyes open to look down at you in shock. He knew you were on birth control and knew it was highly improbable but still, your words had him reeling and feeding his breeding kink, something that had been dormant for many years. You tended to awaken old feelings he once relished in.
And he wasn’t sure if he actually want to get you knocked up but just hearing that fed into something deep and instinctual that had been pushed down. Something primal. You had unleashed a tsunami of emotions and now this?
He began to hammer into you and your legs fell from his shoulders as he fucked himself down into you so hard you saw stars and you gurgled as you came around him, unable to voice your dirty thoughts as your pussy pulsed and squeezed around him.
“Fuck!” Harry barked loudly when he felt you come and he allowed himself to indulge in the fantasy that you’d tapped into, “Gonna knock you up. Fuck you til your all bred and full with my cock and my babies. That what you want? Stuffed full of me in every fucking way?”
Harry throbbed as he finally poured into you, pushing his cock into you as deep as he could manage, balls tucked up against your bum as he whimpered with each tight roll of his hips upward. Imagining his come seeping into you and having it stick. Getting you pregnant. Making you his forever.
He collapsed over you and slid his tongue into your mouth as you brought your arms around his back to keep him close.
Pure hedonistic, rapturous oblivion.
Your heart pounded as he kissed you and you felt him trembling in your arms just as you were in his.
You longed to speak the words you knew you felt but it wasn’t right. You’d want him to say it first. Wanted him to admit it. Wanted him to want you.
But Harry was feeling it all heavy and deeply just the same. His own longing to show you exactly what he felt and that even though he’d play off those words he spoke as he came inside of you, he meant it in a way. He’d love to see you pregnant with his babies. Have you as his own for good. Tell you what he felt deep down.
You smiled into the kiss and Harry pushed himself up to look down at you.
“Just what I needed, Harry. Always know how to make me feel so so good.” You pushed your fingers into his hair and gazed into his pretty eyes and watched as his grin widened.
“Mmm… Ditto. Need you more than just once a week, baby. I did mean that you know.”
You bit your lip and closed your eyes to let that idea sink in a bit. Harry grunted as he moved and you suddenly felt a pinch at the back of your thigh and you laughed, opening your eyes.
“Did you hear me?”
You nodded, “Yes, sir. Three times a week is what you said. That sounds like as close to perfection as I could ask for.”
Harry nudged his nose to yours and let out a soft breath, “Just want more of you, baby.”
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Violet Harmon's Makeup, an Overview & Analysis
Throughout American Horror Story Violet wears very minimal and natural-looking makeup. She wears a little more in specific scenes, with mascara, a bit of blush, and an occasional lip gloss or stain.
Here are some photo examples:
Eryn Krueger Mekash, the makeup artist for season one of American Horror Story, did a few interviews in 2011 about the makeup she used on Glee, including exact makeup products!
Since these interviews are from 2011, it's safe to assume that these products/techniques were also used on AHS's actors!
Eryn mentioned using lip stains, specifically the Tarte Lip Stain in Envy while filming Glee. It's likely that she used some sort of lip stain on Taissa in the photos above, so this could be an exact product used on Taissa!
In a different interview from late 2011, she talks about using the Stila Convertible Color cream blushes on Glee actors. Luckily, these blushes are still available to purchase today! For shades she might have used on Taissa, I think Lillium (nude pink color) suits Vi the best.
Eryn also mentioned using Covergirl's LashBlast Volume Blasting Mascara in Black on actress Lea Michelle while filming Glee. She said she would only apply it to the top lashes, which is the same technique she used on Taissa. And for lips, she would use Korres Lip Butter in Pomegranate or Smith’s Rosebud Salve.
All of these products are still available to buy online, and are *fairly* inexpensive!
In Halloween: Part 1, while Violet is doing Addy's makeup, you can see some of the products she is using!
It's hard to identify most of these products since the coloring for Murder House is sooo dark, but there are a couple of bright pink blushes and a blue/purple eyeshadow palette.
Tips on how to replicate Violet's makeup:
Using info from the interviews with Taissa's makeup artist, we sort of know the types of products Violet would use, including:
soft pink cream blushes
lip stain and tinted lip balm
mascara (only applied to the top lashes)
curled lashes and slightly filled in brows
Taissa's makeup artist also mentioned using skin tints on actors to give a more "youthful look", which could be what she used for Violet's base! She also wore a very neutral brown eyeshadow in certain scenes.
I also a found couple Violet-inspired makeup tutorials on YouTube that you could follow! Here are the links :)
youtube
youtube
youtube
I have to credit @harmonaesthetic for finding the articles and interviews about the Murder House makeup artist! They did a deep dive into Violet's makeup throughout the show, and if you haven't seen their post, I definitely recommend checking it out! (it's linked here <3)
I love making analysis posts, so hopefully you enjoyed this <3! I hope this could help a little bit, thanks for reading :)
#this took foreverrr lol#violet harmon#analysis#violet harmon makeup#makeup#makeup analysis#ahs#ahs murder house#murder house#american horror story#american horror story murder house#violet harmon style#violet harmon aesthetic#violet harmon exacts#tate and violet#violet harmon inspired#violet harmon makeup analysis#grunge#grunge makeup#ahs fandom#tate langdon#taissa farmiga#violet ahs#violet harmon fashion#ahs violet
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Hello Dan and Phil archive buddies!
From time to time, someone asks someone else for the old "drug deal" link of deleted videos and I feel guilty lol! A couple years ago at this point I wanted to redo this archive since the links got corrupted, and got access to the old files and began it, but college has kicked my butt harder than I thought it would. Luckily, some people from twitter (specifically I know subwaymademecry, but I know there are others out there, too) have more comprehensive archives than anything I have at this point. Neither of these archives are easy to download from (a perk of the entirely Google-Suite-based ones of the past that I am continuing to remaster... slowly), but they're good if you want to find an old video just to watch it.
Very Comprehensive Spreadsheet of Videos/Upload Date/Availability Status
stillarchivingdnp is a YouTube-Based Archive (Check out their playlists and community tab, too - they have some helpful links, including that above spreadsheet.)
Vimeo-Based Neocities Archive of Privated/Deleted Videos (I honestly have no idea who runs this, so please let me know if you know.)
All of this to say, I still really want to put together a completely comprehensive library of every single Dan and Phil video (that isn't lost media) with links to find the video/reupload online and ALSO with viewable/downloadable Google Drive links. Until then, though, you should be able to find a lot of what is available through those above archives.
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⭐️Worth it to be with you⭐️
A Hermit College Social Media au-
Part 4: Ethubs interlude
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The worms. They got to me. I had to write how the proposal went down or I was gonna lose my mind. So, enjoy this lol.
ao3 link
Part 5
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Bdubs hung up the phone with a huge grin plastered across his face.
He’d been offered a trial position at the garden center, bringing him one step closer to his dream job!
His immediate thought was to go and tell Etho of his good news but a chime of his phone reminded him that his boyfriend had left to run an errand about an hour ago. The incoming text one informing him he will be home in ten minutes.
Responding quickly Bdubs takes to twitter where he quotes his own tweet informing his chronically online friends about the update in his job status.
Unsurprisingly, his first comment is one from Etho telling him what he had already heard all week, that he would get the job no doubt. He smiled as he responded to his comment before closing his phone and going to relax on the couch.
All of the anxious energy that had been surrounding him the last seven days had left him in an instant upon receiving the good news. He is confident enough in his knowledge and skills to know he will ace this trial. It’s what he spent four years studying and working on, he’s got this!
As he surfs the tv for something to watch the telltale jingle of keys alerts him of his boyfriends return to their apartment. Smiling to himself, he rises from the couch and goes to greet Etho.
The second the door is open Etho is dropping a bag on the counter and scooping Bdubs into a hug, lifting his feet off the ground and spinning them around a few times, he deposits him back on his feet before taking his face in his hands.
“I told you they’d love you! I told you they’d want to have you! I'm so proud of you baby!”
Before Bdubs can respond he is brought into a soft kiss. He kisses back immediately, their lips move in a slow pace for a few seconds before Etho pulls back, hands still firmly on Bdubs cheeks.
“I’m so happy. I can’t believe it!”
They smile at each other before Etho moves his hands, running them down the length of Bdubs arms, ending at his hands which he grasps within his own.
“Why don’t we go out and celebrate? Nothing crazy, just a nice dinner in town?”
He is touched by his boyfriends thoughtfulness, he hasn’t even officially got the job yet he wants to celebrate like he did. Bdubs loves him so much.
“I would like that very much. Where were you thinking exactly?”
Etho, still with his hands clasped within his, brings them over to the couch, they sit down and Bdubs immediately snuggles into his side, Etho brings his arm around Bdubs shoulders, squeezing him just that little bit closer.
“What about that new place down by the pier? I heard good things about it from my coworker.”
Bdubs hums and agrees, Etho grabs his phone from his pocket and checks the restaurant's availability. Luckily, they have room for them at 7pm, leaving them with five hours before they need to be there.
They settle in for a bit, simply relaxing in each other's presence, speaking idly about whatever comes to mind, the low hum of whatever reality show Bdubs landed on earlier in the background.
Eventually, after getting ready and heading out they arrive in time for their reservation.
The meal is wonderful and Bdubs is sure they will be back, as they leave the restaurant Etho suggests they walk down the beach and then the length of the pier. Bdubs of course agrees and they make their way down.
Etho takes a few pictures, mostly of his boyfriend, at the end, Bdubs makes fun of him for being such a sappy romantic and Etho doesn’t deny the taunts.
They decide to walk back and towards the nearby park, one they frequented often during college.
With the stress and hectic workloads of their college years, trips to the park were sacred and theirs to share. They would spend nights lying together under the stars, talking about their future and what life would potentially look like after they graduate.
Now here they are, one year post graduation and still just as in love as they were back then.
Etho leads them towards the place they would always end up, the big oak tree towards the back entrance of the park. It is up a small hill and gives a great view of the park's beautiful flower gardens.
Bdubs can’t wait to start working with plants again.
He hadn’t spent a lot of time, outside of his house plants, in a garden since senior year. Admittedly, finding work within his field isn’t the easiest thing to do, so when the current job vacancy opened up in the garden center Bdubs jumped on the opportunity.
Ever the gentleman, Etho lays his jacket on the ground so they don’t get their pants wet from the grass.
They sit side by side, squished together on the small space of the jacket and look out at the flower beds.
Comfortable silence isn’t rare with them despite what their friends might say, Bdubs can be quiet when he wants to be. With Etho, sometimes actions speak louder than words and that’s exactly what this moment is. Hands clasped together resting on Etho's knee, Bdubs head leaning on his boyfriend's shoulder, everything about this screams “I love you” without either of them saying the words aloud.
After a while, Etho shifts and Bdubs raises his head from its perch. He watches, slightly confused as his boyfriend turns to face him.
Etho speaks before he can ask what’s up.
“Bdubs. I have to tell you something.”
Bdubs is on edge immediately, his mind races briefly but he stops himself from spiraling.
“You can tell me anything. You know that.”
His boyfriend smiles at him before he proceeds.
“While tonight was definitely about celebrating you and your accomplishments, I'll admit I had ulterior motives.”
Bdubs watches as Etho reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box.
A ring box.
He gasps, his hand flying up to his mouth. Tears begin welling in his eyes and as he looks into Ethos, mismatched red and brown, he sees that they too are misty.
Etho continues.
“This box has been burning a hole in my pocket for months. I have been wanting to give this to you for so long baby it’s made me slightly crazy. I confided in Scar of all people, that alone should tell you how much I was losing it.”
Bdubs chuckles at his boyfriend's words.
Etho opens the box and laid carefully inside is a thin silver band, as Bdubs looks closer he sees a small daisy engraving. The flowers Etho got him on their first date.
“I knew from the moment I met you that you were the one for me. That one day, I would get down on one knee and ask you to spend the rest of our lives together. You are everything to me baby. I can’t imagine ever spending a day without you by my side.”
He is fully crying now, tears roll down his face and he frantically wipes them away as he listens to Ethos speech.
Etho shifts once again, changing his position to be kneeling. He holds out the box to Bdubs and asks the fateful question.
“BdoubleO will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
He lets out a sob then, throwing himself at his boyfriend, no, his fiancé. Etho startles a laugh at the sudden attack, quickly wrapping his arms around the babbling man on top of him.
“Yes yes yes yes yes of course I’ll marry you!”
Bdubs brings their lips together in a frenzied kiss. Etho kisses him back with the same ferocity.
Eventually, they pull back and the ring makes it onto Bdubs finger. Etho tells him that he had a matching one for himself back home and Bdubs can’t wait to put it on him.
On the way home, they stop at a small stand selling bouquets. As if it is fate one of the few remaining is entirely made of daisies.
Bouquet in hand they continue their walk back to their apartment.
They spend the rest of the night in each other's arms, trading kisses and whispering words of love and adoration.
The next day comes and as always Etho is up before Bdubs.
Sitting up in bed Etho looks down at where Bdubs is sleeping.
His hand is resting on the mattress, ring on full display, bringing his own adorned hand down, Etho runs his fingers through his fiancés hair, smoothing it back from where it fell over his forehead.
He retreats to the kitchen to make coffee for the two of them.
Once he returns to their bedroom, Bdubs has woken up.
With a barely concealed yawn Bdubs sits up, Etho hands him his mug before sitting next to him.
“Good morning fiance.”
Bdubs grins at the greeting facing Etho before leaning forward to kiss his cheek.
“Morning fiance.”
It’s Etho’s turn to kiss his cheek and they sit together and enjoy their morning coffee.
Bdubs phone pings on the nightstand where he tossed it the night before, he grabs it and checks the notification.
Meanwhile, Etho has turned, placing his mug on his own nightstand, he looks out the window of their cozy apartment.
Unaware of Bdubs having finished his response he hears the sound of a camera's shutter and turns back around to see Bdubs with his phone held up, clearly having taken a picture of him.
He glares at him slightly before making the split second decision to tackle him against the sheets.
“ETHO!”
His fiancé yells in protest but laughter is evident in his voice, Etho smothers his face in quick kisses, reducing Bdubs to a pile of giggling goo underneath him.
“And you called me the sap last night for taking pictures of you. I seem to have found myself betrothed to a hypocrite.”
“Well what can I say, you’re just too beautiful. Someone had to capture it.”
Etho kisses him then. They get lost in each other for the rest of the morning. Rising from bed in the early afternoon, they eat a late breakfast or rather an early lunch.
Eventually, they decide that they should share their happy news with their closest friends. Etho decides the best way to do this is with a vague tweet. A picture of their clasped hands, rings on full display.
Bdubs agrees, finding it rather humorous.
If their phones blow up within seconds well, neither of them care. They will respond later.
Right now, they are young and in love.
And isn’t that just the absolute best thing ever.
-
Hope you enjoyed !!
#ethubs#ethoslab#hermitcraft#etho#bdoubleo100#bdubs#bdouble0#etho slab#ethubs fic#worthitcollegehermitau#hermitshipping#bdoubleo
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Nigel's Book Details: Spread One
Over the past months, I've been intermittently engaged in the painstaking process of trying to identify the various images we see in Nigel's book. Because the format is a scrapbook with excerpts of text, photos, drawings, etc pasted in, it's clear that the prop department must have pulled these pieces of ephemera from other books either by directly cutting them apart or via photocopy/reproduction. Some of the images are easily identifiable if you're familiar with the subject matter, and others are impossible to identify due to angle/blurriness/incomplete image. For most of them, the trick was to determine what search terms to start with to find the right type of image, and then narrow your search from there.
Using the order in which each spread is presented in the scene where Alex finally reads through Nigel's book, this is the first spread:
The Medal - Knight Templar Star
A key data point I started with on several images from the book is the text that Greg Read mentions in the director's commentary for the film: Freemasonry and the Ancient Gods. He cites this text as inspiration for the occult/secret society elements in the film, most notably the Maraclea story (discussed in this post.) Because this text is in the public domain, it is available online from a few places, though a few of the images are on fold out pages that were not folded out for scanning. Luckily, the Freemasons have full page scans available on this site: Gallery. Because we know Greg used this book, it stands to reason that he provided this book to the prop department for use/inspiration.
The first image on the far left of this spread is only partially visible, but is identifiable as some kind of medal. Using the two pages of Freemason medals included in the text, there is one that stands out as a match.
The Freemasons have elaborate stories concerning their real or invented ties to the Templars, just as the movie asserts. The Maraclea tale is one such example, but an attempt to recreate Templar mysteries pervades the Freemason rituals and customs. A full discussion of this topic is outside the scope of this post, but here's a brief introductory Wiki article for further reading. The motto contained in the circle is "In hoc signo vinces" meaning "in this sign, you will conquer" and referring to the Christian cross at the center. Here are some modern versions of this medal, which is still in use by Freemasons.
Skull on Altar
This is the first of many skull images used in Nigel's book, which stands to reason given the significance of the Maraclea story in his personal mythology. I have searched long hours trying to identify this actual photo, but to no avail. Many clubs and societies have used skulls as symbols, whether for their esoteric symbolism or simply for the macabre vibes.
However, given the context we have regarding Greg's inspirations as well as details of the photo itself, I believe this may be an image of a Freemason "Chamber of Reflection."
This article from Freemason magazine The Square explains the history and significance of this ritual space:
"The Chamber of Reflection is an important symbol. It represents a womblike state, where the aspirant is to participate in his rebirth as an initiate, to indicate when the candidate emerges from the chamber, in the same manner as being born a new man. Thus, the chamber indicates at the same time, a beginning and an end." --Chamber of Reflection
The article goes on to discuss the nature of how the room should be constructed and what it should contain. It is supposed to be situated underneath the main room of the Lodge, windowless, and should resemble a cave as closely as possible, with dark or black painted walls. In the circled detail above, the wall appears to be a roughly-hewn stone texture, and certainly reads as dark or black. Given it's purpose for reflection on one's decision to begin or continue a path towards exploring esoteric mysteries, the room contains multiple symbols representing key concepts of Freemasonry, most notably a skull and leg bones.
The skull has appeared for centuries in various Masonic degrees, tracing boards, and aprons, such as the nineteenth century Knight Templar apron. The skull, together with the crossbones, is a symbol of mortality, and is used to elaborate on the other symbols present in the chamber. Its purpose is to serve as a reminder of the Latin phrase memento mori, ‘remember, you will die.’ It serves as a reminder that our earthly life is not eternal and your time spent on this earth is limited and should be spent to improve society, yourself, and your spiritual service. Death is eminent, and each of us at one point or another must face this ultimate ending.
The room also has mottoes or important messages written on the walls or on plaques. While we cannot make out the words, there is clearly some writing next to the skull in the detail highlighted above. Finally, the lines on the wall behind the skull could be part of a larger alchemical glyph or drawing or they could represent the knotted rope, another important Freemason symbol. Below are a few examples of what this room looked like in the past and in modern Lodges.
Photos
The other two photos included in this spread have defeated me entirely. I have been unable to even determine what the top left photo IS in order to track down any information about it. Seriously, if anyone can make sense of it, I'm begging you to tell me.
The bottom right side photo seems to be only the bottom half of an actual photo. I have no idea why the prop department would do this to me, so I can only conclude that it was a personal attack. It depicts someone, a man most likely, sitting down. Note the clasped hands in the highlighted detail. The white object next to him looks like some kind of voluminous ceremonial cape or robe. I tried a variety of approaches to narrow down my search but I came up empty handed. Without the other half of the photo, I don't think it's possible. From the shiny finish we can see as Alex turns the page, it does seem to be an actual photo rather than a piece of plain paper with a printed image.
As a side note for anyone who might be crazy enough to think about recreating this book (or is that only me?): if you wanted to recreate this image, you could find a similar photo and fold it in the same pattern, then use sandpaper to wear down the folded edges to simulate the wear and tear of age.
Text
I have found that almost none of the text included in this book is legible enough to identify, a fact which pains me immensely. I did scan through the Freemason book Greg used to see if any of the verse in that book matched up to the snippet of verse on the left page, but none of it is formatted in the same way.
Go here for more unhinged posts like this one:
[Like Minds Masterpost]
#first part of a series and yes i have some of this info collected but it's going to take me a while to do each one#i really am like this in real life#like minds#nigel colbie#alex forbes#murderous intent#like minds 2006#like minds analysis#like minds annotations
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The Rot (part 2)
Dazed and confused, Orion pax comes online surrounded by rubble. Luckily, he isn't alone. However, that does not mean he's safe.
Part 2 of my 'inspired by MLP infection' AU! I hope y'all enjoy it! Again, big thanks to @lets-try-some-writing for all the help and encouragement!
Part 1 here
The hot, yet soothing tingle of his self-repair system’s nanites tending to the aching wounds of his frame was what finally brought Orion’s processor back online. His awareness floated slowly in and out, only able to sense the slowly ebbing pain signals from his damaged frame. His helm throbbed aggressively if he so much as even attempted a thought. It was reassuring, however, that each time Orion’s awareness floated back to him, he ached a little less and that his thoughts were able to come more freely.
Where was he? Even without his full processing power, he knew that he was not in the safety of his berth. Accessing his memories did little to answer that question. He recalled Megatronus contacting him about a train, and he could remember that he had indeed left his hab, but beyond that, his memories were still too damaged to retrieve. The only option available was to allow himself to float away once more and allow the nanites time to continue their repair.
When he next came to awareness, it lacked the gentle ebb and flow of before. Rapid flashes of his most recent memories assaulted him in waves: coming online to an unexpected call, Megatronus’ unexpected declaration of affection, his walk to the station, boarding the train…
His processor throbbed as if it would burst while the emotions tied to his memories crashed into effect: confusion, worry and then fear. Orion’s optics shuttered online just as the panic hit him. He sat rapidly, causing his helm to spin and his optical input to become distorted.
“Shield your field!” The command was hissed at him with quiet urgency, and Orion clamped down on instinct. He brought his servo to his helm and groaned softly as he rubbed at his closed optics with his palm in a desperate attempt to placate the pain in his processor.
“What happened?” Orion croaked out softly. Behind him came the soft shuffling of small pedes, and before Orion could even process what that meant, his companion was at his side.
“There’s no time to explain, Can you walk? It isn’t safe here.” Orion reset his optics, and slowly opened them once more, relieved that his inputs were no longer spinning. He was surrounded by broken glass and crumpled sheets of metal, dangerously sharp. Strips of soft mesh cabling dangled from above him, some slowly dripping fluids that he couldn’t identify.
Orion’s optics finally found his companion. He ex-vented in relief as he was struck with recognition. Ravage observed him with a raised optical ridge, and the look on his face gave Orion the impression that the cassette hadn’t expected him to come online as suddenly as he had.
“I think so?” Orion whispered through his grimace as he felt the stiffness in his hydraulics as he shifted his weight, to maneuver onto his knees. A flurry of diagnostic pings assaulted his HUD, alerting him to several injuries that were, luckily, non-critical.
“Good. We need to leave. Now.” It was a command, and one Orion thought almost sounded laced with fear. Ravage darted forward, his cyber-feline frame having no issue ducking beneath what appeared to be the mangled remains of a bench that had been partially ripped from the walls in the crash.
It wasn’t especially difficult to maneuver his frame through the small space, but it did ache like the Pits to crawl his way through what was left of the compartment. He was dangerously low on fuel, that much was obvious by how exhausting it was to hold his frame and move at such an angle.
That also explains why my nanites did not complete my self repair. Orion thought as he dragged himself forward through the jagged remains. By the time his helm popped through a crushed window, he was venting heavily, and his arms shook with the strain of holding up his weight.
“Hurry. We don’t have much time.” Ravage paced nervously outside the wreckage, his optics constantly scanning around them. Orion begrudgingly hauled himself free from the shattered window and grimaced as he stood, taking only a klik to allow his optics to adjust to the increased light before following the cyber-feline between two hunks of deformed metal.
Orion almost couldn’t believe the utter devastation around him. Smashed bits of transport compartments lie crumpled as far as he could see. Mutilated remains of Cybertronians were scattered haphazardly about, some obviously crushed by impact alone, while others looked…. Gnawed at, as if something had consumed them.
He’d never seen anything like it before, not even on his long deep-dives into the darkest reaches of the data-net. Orion’s tanks churned, hot and sickly sweet, at the thought of what could have done damage like that. Some of those bodies were completely eviscerated…
Orion focused his optics on Ravage, not wanting to see any more of the surrounding carnage than he had to. This was beyond wrong. His internal chronometer told him that he had been offline for several cycles, which should have been plenty of time for rescue crews to have saved not only him, but everyone else strewn around. Surely, the Transport Commission would have sent a crew to clean the debris off the tracks.
It seemed that he and Ravage were the only two living mechs around. But if that were the case, what had Ravage so anxious? It was painfully obvious as Ravage led him through the debris field, zigzagging to stay in the shadows of the rubble, that he was trying to avoid them being seen, but from whom, Orion couldn’t begin to guess.
It seemed like the rubble stretched forever. The closer they came to the front of the train, the worse everything seemed to be. Train compartments were smashed against and piled atop each other in such a disordered way that it almost could have been beautiful. If only the place wasn’t littered with corpses and plastered with splattered energon.
“Hey!” A panicked voice called out to the pair, causing Ravage to startle and Orion’s helm to whip towards the source of the sound. A young mech, pinned at the waist beneath a large scrap of steel, waved frantically at them. “Oh! Thank Primus, you’re not one’a them…” He could see the fear that emanated from his optics and the stains of dried optical lubricants painted down his face.
Orion thought nothing of it. His internal processes immediately flooded him with coding to provide aid. He rushed towards the trapped youngster, ignoring the pings flooding his circuits from his injuries. He wasn’t that far from them.
“Pax! Stop!” Ravage called out to him in a harsh whisper, his frustration evident in the slight growl lacing his command, but Orion could not heed that request. Not when his coding so persistently urged him to help someone so desperately in need.
“You gotta get me outta here! They’re coming!” A wall of hunger assaulted the archivist’s EM receiver, unlike anything he’d ever felt before: thick, desperate, and driving. Something was coming, that was for sure, and Orion had a feeling that whatever it was, was the same thing that had caused all the carnage he’d been trying to avoid looking at. He had to get him out fast, or he’d be torn apart, just like the corpses littering the whole area.
A weight slammed into him from behind, sending Orion careening face-first into the ground. Ravage hunched atop his back and hissed furiously into his audials. “There isn’t time, Pax! They’re here! We have to leave him!”
Orion lifted his helm, anger coursing through his circuits like an inferno. He opened his intake to retort, but was frozen solid in fear when a shambling mech, painted in red and gold, tumbled down from atop the hunk of metal pinning the youngling down, landing with a ground shaking thud. Chunks of his armor were missing from his frame, and Orion immediately recognized the same thick, green goop oozing from his intake and down his front as he saw the drunken mech purge before the crash.
The youngling screamed as the mech shambled towards him. Ravage jumped, and suddenly was in Orion’s line of sight, their faces nearly touching,
“We have to go now! More will come!” Ravage pushed his entire face against Orion’s aggressively, an obviously desperate attempt to push him up onto his pedes. The youngling’s field erupted suddenly in a hot, sickening burst of panic. “There’s no saving him now, Pax!”
Orion couldn’t remember getting to his pedes. Everything happened so fast. The shambling mech grabbed the youngling by the arm and mercilessly tore at the plating. Another mech, covered in the same putrid ooze, shambled forward from the shadows, and Orion’s processor flooded him with a new command: Run!
Ravage was two steps ahead of him on that front, and Orion instinctually followed the cassette as he swiftly led them away, even passing more of the shambling, rotting mechs that were hobbling towards the source of the screams.
The youngling’s field projected his agony and fear of death far beyond the wreckage field, and by the time the screaming stopped, Orion was venting far too heavily to even notice its absence. He ran until the pressure building in his hydraulics overpowered his internal command to flee.
His HUD flashed red. He was overheating, and his hydraulics couldn’t continue at the brutal pace that his survival coding had forced on him. He had to stop. His frame shook from the overexertion. He couldn’t stop the anguished screams of that mech from playing on loop in his processor. If he’d had any fuel in his tanks, he would have purged it all right then.
“Snap out of it, Pax. We can’t stop now. We’re almost there.” Ravage’s annoyed whisper broke through his inner turmoil. Ravage was right. He couldn’t afford to stop. Not when those things were out there, likely to follow them once they were finished with-
No! Orion forced the thought out of his processor and forced his legs forward, despite the stinging pressure and pinging diagnostics. He wasn’t ready to return to the Well just yet. He was grateful that Ravage accepted this slower pace that his frame now demanded.
They were following the tracks. Orion hadn’t noticed when they were running. All he was able to focus on was Ravage and trying to keep up with the far nimbler cyber-feline. He wasn’t even entirely certain how far they ran before he stopped, and he absolutely was not about to turn around and find out.
When they finally stopped, it was at what appeared to be an empty Emergency Depot. They were scattered relatively regularly along the various strings of transport lines around the planet. Ravage led him inside, and as soon as the door snapped shut behind them, he let out a furious hiss.
“Don’t you ever do something that slagging stupid again! You almost got the both of us killed!” Orion jumped away from his smaller companion and opened his intake to respond, but Ravage gave him no time to do so.
“I will not die for you, Orion Pax. Do you understand me? If you pull something like that again, I will leave you behind! I don’t care if you’re Megatronus’ favorite upper cast plaything. You ain’t worth dying for!”
It was like the very air was sucked from his vents. Orion deflated, his gaze falling to the floor and his finials lowering. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know”
Ravage sighed dismissively and flicked his tail. He said nothing for a few kliks, but Orion didn’t want to think about why. He had too many other concerns vying for his attention. His tanks ached with their emptiness, and his frame felt heavier than he’d ever remembered it being. He ached deeply, down to the protoform, and he still had no clue what was going on. Overshadowing all of that was the fear that clawed at his spark and made him wish he’d just slipped into stasis instead of coming online to this nightmare.
“Frag… you’re a real piece of work, aren’t you, Pax?” Ravage said, but his tone was gentler than before. It made Orion think of when he was a sparkling, annoying his caretakers for attention, which, unfortunately, didn’t make him feel any better in the moment.
“Megatronus just told me to get on the train. Ravage… is he alright?” The cyber-feline rolled his optics and turned to slink deeper into the building. Orion had no choice but to follow, making sure to close and lock every door they came through, just in case.
“I don’t know. Comms are down all over. I can’t even contact Soundwave.” Ravage huffed softly at that. “I found this place about 2 cycles ago. There’s some energon rations stashed in the back, and some mediberths if you need to recharge. They, uh… they haven’t come back. They tend to hang around the crash.”
“The rations taste like scrap, but the packaging says it's nutritionally complete,’ whatever that means.” Ravage shrugged, and hopped up onto a sofa in the dimly lit space that Orion could now see was a lounge of sorts, probably for the mechs who normally were stationed here.
Orion couldn't care less how the rations tasted. His tanks demanded refueling, and his coding told him that he would feel better all over if only he could get something into his him. He tore into them, devouring one after the other. He hadn’t even realized how hungry he was, or how much his systems had been starving for the power to simply function. It took four entire ration cubes to satiate him.
The effect struck almost immediately once he lowered his last cube to the floor. His self-repair routines rebooted, and he suddenly felt the overwhelming urge for recharge. He didn’t even try to make it to the mediberths. The lounge sofa was much closer, and right now, it looked like the most comfortable thing on the entire planet.
Ravage only huffed softly as he hopped down from the sofa, and up onto the adjacent chair, where he curled up in the way that cyber-felines did; curled in a ball with his helm tucked under his tail.
“We can’t stay here.” Orion said, his voice just above a whisper. His processor was fighting against the wave of recharge that was crashing over him, forcing him to think about how close those things really were to them, and mixing those thoughts with how much he wished Megatronus was here…
“Not for long, no.” Ravage glanced up at him, with a raised optical ridge, his tone dry and tired. Orion tried to keep his optics focused on him.
“I promised him I would get there.” Orion’s vocalizer started to slur his glyphs, and Ravage tilted his helm and scrunched his optics in confusion.
“Promised who?” Ravage’s tone said that he really didn’t care.
“Mega…” Orion’s optics shuttered closed, and he in-vented deeply to quell the anxiety that still bubbled behind the coding trying to force him into recharge.
The cyber-feline snorted at that and laid his helm back down.
Orion frowned and forced his optics back open. There was still too much data he needed to understand what was happening around him.
“What happened to everyone?”
Ravage sighed at that question, and lifted his helm to meet Orion’s optics once more.
“Shut up, Pax, and recharge. I’ll tell you all I know when we come online.”
#spreadwardiardfics#infection au#tfp fanfic#tfp alternative universe#maccadam#transformers#transformers prime#pre war cybertron#zombie apocolypse au#orion pax#ravage#Orion pax & ravage#The Rot AU#megop#megaop#MLP 🤝TF
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Dare to Hope, Dare to Dream (Part 2/?)
Synopsys: For three years now, Astarion and his love have been relegated to living in the shadows as he lost his ability to walk in the sun. But one day hope is reignited, and the vampire can't help but reminisce how he got where he is now.
Pairing: Astarion x fem!Reader
Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT
Warnings: violence, abuse, talks of SA, character death, SMUT (if there is anything else that should be tagged, please do let me know)
Word count: 5830
A/N: I have not played Baldur's Gate 3 (I don't own a PS or a PC where to play it. all of this is based on the info gathered online and through Neil's own gameplay etc. Please be kind :) )
Part 1
The composing of the letter was quick work, as excitement thrummed through their veins, but every passing day diminished the accumulating hope.
It was agonising, waiting for Gale to respond. Where usually Astarion’s mind was preoccupied with Y/N, now it was occupied by that damned tome and that damned fucking page he couldn’t read.
There was a huge possibility it could be nothing but a simple song or a poem. It could be a curse for all he knew, but something in his still heart screamed it could be the thing that set him free from living in eternal darkness and making his love live like that too.
He’d give anything, pay any price for Y/N to be able to walk in the sun again, and if his hand was in hers, wrapped around her waist or tucked against his chest as they enjoyed the wonders of the world in colour, not the perpetual greys of night, he would beg on his knees if he had to.
His love didn’t seem to be fairing any better. She was fidgety all the time, where she used to be able to sit and watch Astarion patching up a shirt of hers or adding gorgeous swirls of gold and silver, now she organised and cleaned his whole tailoring room over and over again. Y/N cooked almost obsessively, way too much food for just one of them to eat, and it almost drove him mad how restless she’d become during sleep as well.
Worry ate at him that Y/N hadn’t gotten proper rest in days, all because of that damned book. Would it be worth it? Would her losing sleep be worth it in the end? Nothing that hurt her was, not in Astarion’s mind, but whenever he asked her to leave something be, said that he’d pick it up, she’d simply shrug and say, “No time like the present.”
Taking into account his feedings as well, his heart twisted at the thought that all of this was weighing on her shoulders, but luckily at least some of the burden of wait was lifted when Gale’s answer came.
To their relief, the wizard gave them good news and apologies, as he’d travelled beyond the Sword Coast with his grandfather, but would be taking the first available ship to Baldur’s Gate. It would take at least three weeks of travelling, but he would waste no time beyond that and go straight to their home, and that left the two anxious lovers to occupy their time however they could.
Y/N had already rearranged the whole library twice by then, half in search of figuring out where this mysterious book had come from, half in absolute boredom, while Astarion had taken to sowing and stitching dresses and tunics and shirts and trousers and even a gorgeous set if not a scandalous one of lingerie for Y/N (which he had promptly ripped to shreds that same morning she’d donned it to go to bed).
She’d admonished him through a desperate moan, as his tongue had skimmed against her neck, lace scraps still around her ribs and hips, nothing more left of the intricate design he’d so patiently made. Not that it’d covered much in the first place.
“I’ll make you hundreds more just to rip all of it off again,” Astarion groaned as her hips ground up against him, delicious friction causing him to respond in kind.
“But it was so beautiful!” Y/N whined when Astarion took her wrists in one of his hands and held them in a tight grip above their heads.
“Nothing is as beautiful as you completely bare and uncovered for me. So… delectable…”
Let’s just say neither of them could get out of bed after the sun had set, as their legs wobbled at the lightest touch to the ground, leading them to another day of sleeping in, and a night of passionate debauchery.
However, as much as Astarion wished to stay like that with Y/N, both of them naked and twined in bed, other things had to be done around the house, and at that moment, he’d asked Y/N to model a dress for her.
He didn’t dare say the cut was based on a sketch hidden deep in his drawers, and originally it was made of white lace with an accompanying veil, not the jade colour he’d cut it in now.
“Do you think we’re harbouring false hope?” she asked, colour-coding his threads and placing the box neatly back on the table after Astarion allowed her to redress and was happy with how the skirt flew around her hips.
“In what way, my dear?”
“I just,” Y/N huffed, sitting down on the arm of the chair next to him, watching how his quick fingers stilled their needlework so as to not poke her accidentally. “I don’t want you to be disappointed if this… if this isn’t what we think it is. I know how much you miss the sun.” Y/N gently threaded her fingers through his moon-white locks. “I know how guilty you feel for me having to forego it. You don’t have to say anything,” she interrupted whatever was on Astarion’s tongue. “I can see it on your face.”
He looked down at the green gown’s hem he was embellishing. He’d tried so hard to hide the guilt seeping through his veins. He didn’t want her to know that; he already burdened her life as is.
“I can’t say it wouldn’t hurt if what we hope doesn’t come true.” Astarion put the needle and dress on the table, turning to Y/N and pulling her into his lap. “I wish I could give you the world, but I can barely give you half… if even that much. You deserve so much more than what you’ve deemed enough. I just want to… give you more…”
“My Star, please don’t even think you’re not enough for me.” Y/N brushed a pale curl behind his ear.
He gave her a rueful smile. “A little mind-reader you are, aren’t you?”
She simply shrugged, melting against his chest, his undead heart beating just a tad stronger at how much comfort she got from simply being held by him. “It’s not so hard nowadays when you’ve become an open book to me.”
Astarion had nothing to respond to that because he knew he had, at least with Y/N. He might not voice it out loud, but his heart was open. Yes, fear still lingered in bleeding gashes around the edges, but he knew, she’d always be there to dab at the pained spots and heal them with a kiss.
“I’m not leaving,” she mumbled, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Not now, not ever. Not when the sun sets or rises. An army would have to come in and tie me up before dragging me away from you. And even then, I’d be kicking and screaming, biting my way out to get home.”
Astarion’s breath stuttered, but he didn’t mention what the words of her referring to him as her home did to him. “I just want if only a minute to stand in the sun with you. If that’s all I’m given for the rest of eternity, it’s what I’ll take. Just a moment with you in the sun.”
Y/N took his chin between her thumb and pointer finger, tilting his head up so their eyes could meet – his scarlet ones brimming with unshed tears, her own Y/E/C ones filled with nothing but sure-fire determination. “Whatever is in that book, spell or no, we’ll figure it out. But one day, I know, you will be able to walk in the sun again. I’ll make sure of it. Even if I have to raise all nine hells, I’ll find a way.”
“I know you will.” Astraion sighed, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Y/N’s laughter was the most gorgeous symphony to his ears. She gave a light kiss to the very tip of his right one, a shiver of pleasure rushing down his spine. “We’ll figure it out, my Star.”
That morning, just a couple of hours after their conversation, as Y/N was closing all the shutters to their home so as to not let in the sun of the new day, Astarion slid his palm into hers, tugging her to their bed while kissing every inch of her skin he could get to.
He needed to be close to her, he needed to sink into her and fuse together, become as close to one body as possible, otherwise, it was like he was going to combust from the love unless he could bathe her in it.
“I need you,” Astarion whispered against her cheek, as Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck.
“You have me,” she responded in kind. “All of me is yours if you want it.”
A shudder went through his body as he swiftly, but tenderly rid both of them of their clothes, gentle hands running over Y/N’s hips and sides, as she lightly squirmed away from him when he playfully dug his fingers against her ribs, before trailing their way to her stomach, where a jagged scar stood slightly raised against the rest of her body.
“And I’m yours. Body and soul,” Astarion said, still looking at that scar while he slowly slipped his frame to rest atop, his cock sliding through her already slick folds, lightly nudging his tip against her clit in a teasing manner.
“Mine,” Y/N sighed out dreamily, as he filled her, her legs locking around his hips, ankles crossed over the small of his back to pull him deeper until their hips rested flush against one another.
A slight whimper escaped him as he affirmed. “Yours… just yours, my love.”
He’d never thought that such a word as “mine” would bring him such feelings of love and adoration.
Astarion had always wanted to belong. He’d always wanted a family, friends or a true lover to build his life with, but for a horribly long time, all because of Cazador, that wish was locked away in a tomb just like him. And after a while of pain and misery, he just gave up on the idea as a whole. Belonging to someone became a despised thing, a notion he had no free will. He was a pet, a thing to be had and done with as his master pleased.
But then that Nautiloid ship happened, and he gained allies. Who morphed into friends, and then Y/N, the oddest one of their group, became so much more than that.
That night when he’d offered himself to her, he’d been ready to use his body as coin, as he’d been taught, if it granted him food, shelter and protection. Astarion was used to whoring himself out, but that wouldn’t be the worst he’d done. At least Y/N was nice to look at. She included him in conversations during the day and asked for his opinion. It would most certainly be lovelier than the other times.
Yet she’d surprised him and said no. She still offered him all the things he asked for, even her neck if he needed to feed, but Y/N was adamant she would not take sex as payment for such things.
Astarion took a surprised step back. “Am I – do I not appeal to you?”
Why did it sting? Why did the thought of the answer being “yes” hurt so much?
“No,” she shook her head. “It’s just that you don’t have to ask for those things and sleep with me as payment.”
“Oh.” That stumped him truly. His mind reeled at her words. “Then what is it that you want?” A cheeky comment was right there for him to spit out, but he refrained.
Y/N shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe patch a hole in a shirt, if it gets too ruined? Help me carry part of my loot if it gets too heavy? We’re friends, or at least good travel companions, I’d like to think.”
That moment had changed everything for Astarion. It had changed how he looked at himself and what he could ask of the world. She’d helped him learn he could say no.
When Y/N had been close to decapitating that vile Drow Araj after she looked at him like he was a puppet for Y/N to use, Astarion had confessed that night – his whole plan of seducing her, securing his safety and getting in her good graces so he always had someone to have his back if suddenly the rest of their party decided to turn against him.
The kiss they’d shared, initiated by Astarion himself, felt like the first kiss of his life. He was jittering like a youth as Y/N’s lips pressed to his. And for the first time in ages, he thought maybe he had someone, to be with not belong to.
When she cried out in ecstasy as Astarion started to move, slowly dragging his hips back and forth, allowing her to feel every ridge and dip and immersing himself in the warm, wet feeling surrounding him, his thoughts couldn’t help but wander to that moment in the Szarr Palace when Y/N had cried in pain instead as Cazador’s knife dug deep into her gut.
She’d gone in for an attack in an attempt at freeing Astarion from the grasp of the Ascension ritual, and she had almost gotten Cazador, had the vampire not moved in the last second, twisting away from her sword and delivering the critical hit himself.
Someone screamed so loud, the sound verged on popping Astarion’s eardrums. It was only when his throat went raw he realised it was him screaming.
Cazador didn’t even bother to pull the knife out, letting Y/N drop to the ground in a heap, her blood trickling out of her wound and pooling around her body, staining the tiles a deep red.
Astarion wanted to retch at the sight.
“Pathetic,” Cazador spat. “Both of you.”
Nothing but white-hot rage coursed through Astarion’s veins as he watched his master walk around Y/N’s crumpled form, nudging her with his foot as if she were nothing more than a worm.
“I cannot deny,” Cazador mussed. “For a brief second, I did consider turning her into a new addition to our family. It would have been fitting – my prodigal son, returning and bringing the last piece I need. A fitting punishment, for your disobedience, Astarion, wouldn’t you agree? You’ve broken pretty much all of my rules, and someone has to pay.”
Cazador turned his back on Y/N, obscuring Astarion's view of her. “And how poetic would have it been, had it been you draining her, taking every last drop of her blood, only for me to sire. I think I would have enjoyed your screaming immensely, but no matter. It would only be a waste of time.” The vampire master smirked at a struggling Astarion. “Tell me – was her blood sweet? It smells absolutely delectable. Maybe I should have a little taste.”
“Fuck you!” Astarion roared. “Damn you to all nine hells!”
Cazador only chuckled. “Maybe a couple of decades in that tomb of yours will do you good. Remind you of manners. Or maybe I will let Godey -,” but he didn’t manage to finish whatever horrors he was already painting in his mind as he choked on the words.
The vampire’s dark brows furrowed as he slowly glanced down and saw a blade protruding from his stomach, the hilt buried deep against his spine.
Surprise, anger and confusion all flashed across the immortal’s face as Y/N yanked the dagger out. Cazador slowly turned and found Y/N standing before him, a hand clutching against her stomach.
“That,” she gasped. “Is for what you did to me and this,” she thrust her hand again, this time letting the blade go clean through Cazador’s neck, “is for what you did to Astarion.”
She left the blade there, taking a few steps back on swaying feet, but it was enough of a distraction to break Cazador’s concentration and Astarion dropped free.
He was on his feet in an instant, pulling the knife Y/N had plunged back out and then smashing it deep into Cazador’s gut over and over and over again until there was nothing left of him but a mangled, almost cut-in-two, corpse.
Astarion dropped to his knees, chest heaving with exertion, his whole body covered in blood, all of it Cazador’s. Who was dead.
Cazador was dead.
His master, his torturer, the one who robbed him of his life and choices was finally gone.
Relief rolled through him like a tidal wave, his body slowly but surely wracked by sobs as catharsis set in. Two hundred years of pain and misery, two hundred years of not owning his body or mind, and now he was suddenly free.
He didn’t know how to process such a realisation. It seemed almost easier to live his life in fear, to constantly look over his shoulder and go to bed with the thought his miracle of a chance at life could be taken away at any moment. In that way, he didn’t have to create friendships or relationships, he didn’t need to get close to anyone and risk losing them. He could just always keep peeking through the tiny slit from the boarded-up window, instead of poking his head through the crack in the door.
So what was he to do now, when that door had been blasted wide open?
“Y/N,” Astarion whispered her name, his head snapping up and scanning the hall, quickly landing on her body.
She’d collapsed about fifteen feet away from Cazador, but it took him less than five seconds to be by her side. With trembling hands, he took her by the shoulder and turned her on her back, so he could see her face.
A sob raked through him. “Please,” Astarion begged, pulling her head to rest on his thighs. “Please don’t leave me.”
“Star,” his name was a moan of pain from Y/N’s lips. And he hated it.
It was supposed to be a sigh of pleasure as his tongue lapped against her sweetest spot, a groan of delight when he sank into her, his hands holding hers, lips pressed together in a reassuring kiss. It was supposed to be a laugh between hiccups as he joked and snarked. It was supposed to be anything but this.
Her body was covered in so much blood, and had it been Cazador’s he would have been fine, but he knew it wasn’t. It was her own, that sweet and tantalizing scent of it running up his nose. Usually, the tiniest drop of it, could turn him feral, but all it did now was make bile rise in his throat as more and more of it coated his hands and the floor around them.
“I’ll complete the ritual,” he choked, brushing a strand of matted-down hair away from Y/N’s face. “And then I’ll save you.”
“Don’t,” she gasped, begging him. “Please don’t.”
“I can’t let you die,” he could barely manage the words, but she still heard them and shook her head.
“And I will not let you kill innocents just to save my life.” Y/N clutched at his arm as tightly as she could with all her remaining strength that was weaning with every passing second. “If you do this, I will never forgive you. You’ll become just like Cazador. And I know you are so – so much more than that. Than him. Don’t let Cazador win. You – you fought so hard,” she sobbed out, half at the implication of what he’d overcome, half at Astarion pressing down on her wound as he attempted to staunch the bleeding, but to no avail. “Don’t throw all of it away. Not for this.”
Astarion swivelled his head around desperately as if a response on what to do could be found in the room, yet nothing but Cazador’s mangled body and the pool of blood it’d created answered.
“Please,” he whispered, leaning down and pressing his forehead to Y/N’s and once again repeated. “Please don’t leave me.”
“I won’t,” her response was barely a puff of air. “I will always be right here with you, Star. To the very end.”
Y/N placed her palm right where his undead heart broke into pieces, and when she closed her eyes, the only sound left was the echoes of his screams.
He might’ve been screaming for ages, Astarion didn’t know nor did he care. All he knew was that his love, his sun, his reason for living was gone.
The sound of the door being broken down invaded his mind, as many pairs of footsteps entered, but Astarion paid no mind to his friends. They could all go to the nine hells with Cazador for his sake, as long as he got to stay with Y/N.
He heard Karlach, the gentle giant of their group gasp out Y/N's name, and even Lae’Zel’s hiss of surprise was unmistakable, the scene before them rendering the rest speechless.
“She almost looks like she’s sleeping,” Astarion muttered, tracing his knuckles against Y/N’s cold skin. So close to his own temperature he didn’t feel the difference. A tear splashed against her cheek, rolling down her temple and disappearing into her hairline.
“Astarion, Shadowheart can help,” Wyll said, stepping closer, but the pale elf just shook his head.
“No,” he muttered, tracing her unmoving features with his thumb. “No one will hurt her. Not anymore.”
“Astarion, she won’t hurt Y/N,” Gale piped up. “We can bring her back.”
But he wasn’t listening anymore. He didn’t care what they were saying. No one else would ever touch her. No one would ever dare hurt her again. He’d set the world on fire if they so much as touched a hair on her head.
His friends however had different ideas. With apologies on their lips, they grabbed him, ripping him away from Y/N, her body unceremoniously dropping to the ground from where her head had been resting against his thighs.
“I’ll kill all of you!” Astarion screamed, trying to bite and scratch as he was pulled further and further away from Y/N. “Some friends you are!”
It took Karalch physically ripping him away from Y/N’s dead body, Lae’Zel and Wyll helping her pin him to the ground as Shadowheart and Gale crouched beside his love, while Astarion trashed against their hold.
“He took her,” Astarion wailed and roared, his pain echoing in the chamber around them. “He took her!"
There was no need for elaboration. Not even Lae’Zel, always so quick to show her disdain against emotion, spoke. Instead, she moved a bit to the side, so Astarion could at least be granted the gift of seeing Y/N’s face as Shadowheart and Gale hovered over her dead body.
“He killed her, and I could do nothing about it,” Astarion whimpered, eyes focused on the serene look his lover had in death. He only hoped she felt at peace wherever she was.
A pale blue light glowed from Shadowheart’s hands, Gale’s power feeding hers.
“It won’t work.” He let the tears fall freely from his eyes. “She’s gone.”
It was a resigned statement from someone who was completely exhausted. He’d prepared for never leaving the Szarr palace, for dying, if he had to, but he’d never prepared himself for losing Y/N. She had become such a staple, such a sure thing in his life, he no longer could imagine how a single day without her smile could go. But now she was gone and –
His brows furrowed. It had to be a trick of his mind, a hallucination his grief-stricken heart was conjuring up, but there it was – the sweetest sound in the world he never thought to hear again – Y/N’s heartbeat.
A ragged intake of breath shattered through the hall, and he watched as her lashes fluttered. Her lungs stuttered as if they needed a minute to reconnect with her brain before they levelled out and remembered how to breathe.
Karalch, Wyll and Lae’Zel released their hold, and Astarion slowly sat up on his forearms. When Y/N took in her first full steady breath, Shadowheart slumped over, Gale already having expected it, dropping into a crouch and allowing her to lean on his side.
He couldn’t believe it. Y/N had died in his arms, he’d watched her life’s blood seep across his hands, and yet there she was – on the ground, her heart beating and lungs dragging in short breaths, barely but still.
“She needs rest,” Shadowheart said, running a soothing hand down her friend’s cheek. “As do I.”
“Let’s get back to the inn.” Wyll approached and helped the exhausted cleric, as he wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her up, without much of a fuss. Lae’Zel and Gale hovered over Y/N until Astarion was capable of getting to his feet, knees trembling like a fawn's. Whether they were there for him or her, Astarion didn’t know but appreciated nonetheless.
“Would you like me to carry her?” Gale offered, a gentle look on his face, nothing but concern evident, but Astarion shook his head.
“I’ll do it.” His voice was raw from the screaming and crying, but he didn’t care to clear it as he gently lifted her up.
Y/N’s head lolled to rest against his chest as if on instinct and he had to push down a sob as he felt her warm, alive body curl into his own, like so many times before now.
Karlach laid a leather jacket across Astarion’s naked shoulders, but all he could concentrate on were the shallow breaths entering Y/N’s lungs, her slow but steadily beating heart and the way her fingers curled against where his still one rested.
The whole trek back to the lodgings they’d procured previously, Astarion was numb, completely and utterly numb save for the incessant need to check if Y/N was breathing. He was struggling to figure out his emotions.
As he laid her down in the bed, Karlach lighted a fire and Gale promised to bring a cloth and some warm water for Astarion to clean Y/N up, he couldn’t help but grieve Cazador.
He didn’t stray from his love’s bedside not even for a second, keeping vigil day and night, but most importantly watching her chest rise and fall with deep, even breaths, yet some part of him mourned his master as well.
Three days after the events of the Szarr Palace, Astarion had reluctantly agreed to have a quick wash while Karlach watched over Y/N. He regretted that decision more than anything because sometime during the ten minutes he allowed himself to get rid of the crusted blood, she had awoken.
When he re-entered the bedroom, Astarion almost fainted at the sight of her beautiful Y/E/C eyes boring into his scarlet ones.
“Hello, Star,” she croaked through a smile, and he almost crumbled then and there by the doorway, had it not been for the tight grip on the knob.
Karlach made a quick exit, but not before placing a warm palm against his shoulder, giving him a slight nudge in Y/N’s direction, though he didn’t need one. It was like she had a magical pull, making him stumble across the room before his knees gave out with a hard thud and his hand desperately sought out Y/N’s. When their fingers entwined in a tight hold, he swore to himself to never let go of her again.
“I thought I lost you,” his voice broke. “I – I thought I’d never see you again.”
“I’m sorry,” her own tone was quiet, barely a whisper. “But I couldn’t just let him hurt you more.”
“I know. I know you… I just…” He huffed, brows furrowing as he searched for the correct words. “I thought when I got my freedom back, you would be there by my side, but instead you were the cost of it.” Astarion choked on the word “cost”. “But at the same time, I couldn’t help but mourn the loss of him.” He didn’t say his name, he’d decided Cazador wasn’t worth having the honour of a name spoken aloud.
“And it felt disgusting. He hurt you. He took you from me, and yet… I didn’t even have him left after your… your… heart stopped,” Astarion took a shaky intake of breath. “I was completely and utterly alone. When Shadowheart appeared, I was almost tempted to ask her to revive him just so I could kill him again for what he did to you… and maybe, just so I wasn’t alone.”
Astarion lifted his gaze, resting his cheek against the palm Y/N had untwined from his, so her soft thumb could brush away the rivers of tears spilling down his face. “Please don’t leave me again. I’m – I’m not strong enough to go through it once more.”
“You are, my Star,” Y/N kissed his forehead. “You are so strong.”
“Let me rephrase that then – I don’t want to go through anything in life. Not without you by my side.”
“I promise,” she muttered and leaned forward pulling Astarion to lay next to her, sealing the vow with a kiss.
And though he still struggled with nightmares of that fight, though he still woke up breathless at times, arms desperately searching for the warm body that always occupied the other side of the bed, the deepest reassurance he could ever have that everything was alright, that Y/N was safe and sound, were moments like these when her body melted against his, where she was panting and gasping and so full of life, especially as Astarion hit that one spot that made Y/N throw her head back in a moan of pleasure.
Her nails dug into his shoulders with such a delicious taste of pain, never drawing blood though, but always leaving crescent imprints he wanted to keep on his body forever. Like Y/N’s touch could erase everything Cazador had left on him.
Y/N’s back arched, and Astarion used the moment to slip his hands underneath and pull her upwards from the bed so that she was resting in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist, chest to chest, and him buried so deep, it made both their eyes roll to the backs of their heads in pleasure.
She’d taught him sex could be wonderful. It could be meaningful and lovely, instead of a means to an end or a bargaining chip to be used. It had taken a while for Astarion to grow comfortable with even the thought of her touching him, but nowadays, he became quite the grump if he ever awoke not in Y/N’s arms, even if it was for such a simple reason as nature calling her.
Her touch was the balm on sunburnt skin, her kiss was a reassurance that it needn’t go further than that and he could always say no and would be listened to. But in moments like these, all Astation wanted was more. He wanted to feel her squeeze around him, to hear her breath choke at the back of her throat, he craved to feel her pulse race as she climbed higher and higher, closer and closer to her orgasm with every thrust of his hips.
Sex had been something repulsive and vile to him. Now it was the most beautiful thing he felt blessed to participate in, all because of the woman moaning his name above him.
“I’m so close,” she whispered in his ear as Astarion kissed her neck, heart thundering in her chest.
“Let go,” he muttered, a shiver rolling down Y/N’s spine at the pleading tone of his words, making her grip his back tighter, and dig in her nails more. “Let go, I got you.”
She whimpered at his coaxing words and tightened so much around his cock, it became almost impossible for Astarion to keep pumping in and out, so he slid a hand down across her chest to her clit, just to push her over that edge she was teetering on.
Two deft fingers circled around the swollen bud, once, twice and that was it for Y/N to break. With a sigh of his name, she came, hard, taking him along as well, the orgasm surprising Astarion with its intensity and how quickly it’d crept upon him.
Bliss exploded through his veins, and his nails dug into the small of Y/N’s back, always careful to not hurt her, but deep enough to leave moon-shaped marks on her body, the same ones she no doubt had left along his back and shoulders as they both succumbed to euphoria.
A moan got stuck in his throat before slipping past his lips as Y/N ground down one final time, before stilling her hips and relishing how he filled her until the mix of their pleasure ran down their thighs and stained the sheets below. Never mind that though. It was a problem for future Astarion and Y/N.
They both were trembling as, slowly, the orgasmic wave subsided, and as they came down from their highs, Astarion couldn’t help but place a cheeky kiss on Y/N’s neck, letting his fangs skim along her skin and feel her pulse spike at that.
Y/N let out a breathless laugh, her hands slowly skimming up and down his spine, body still rocked by pleasure. “If you want a snack, you know all you have to do is ask.”
“I’m fine,” Astarion mumbled, burying his nose in the crook of her neck. “I just… I just love you. That’s all.”
At least that’s what he said, but underneath laid a thousand other words – I need to feel your heart beating. I have to feel your skin against mine. I need to hear you breathing and know that you’re alive and here with me. That he wasn’t imagining it as some sort of a hallucination and wouldn’t wake up back under Cazador’s control with her body lying dead on the ground by his feet.
Y/N hummed in content, pressing a kiss to Astarion’s chest. “I love you too. So much.”
A smile bloomed on his lips as he pulled away just a bit so he could cup Y/N’s face between his hands. “I don’t know what I may have done in my previous life, and I certainly don’t know what I did in this one to ever deserve someone like you, but whatever it was… I’m glad I did.”
The way her eyes shone would have brought Astarion to his knees, had he already not been kneeling on the bed. Y/N was just about to pull him in for a deep kiss when their moment was disturbed by the bell of their house ringing.
They knew it was daytime. And only one person would ring it then.
Astarion looked at Y/N.
She lifted a brow. “Ready to figure out what’s in that book?”
He pressed his forehead to hers. “With you, I’m ready for anything.”
Tags:
Everything tags: @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @m-a-t-91 @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @lestersglitterglue @im-squished @strangersstranger
Astarion tags: @spacebarbarianweird
A/N: I am in love with pixels on a screen...
#astarion x tav#astarion x reader#astarion imagine#astarion ancunin#astarion#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#baldur's gate 3#bg3 astarion#bg3#astarion x reader fluff#astarion x y/n#astarion x you#astarion fanfiction#astarion fanfic#neil newbon#astarion ancunin x you#astarion ancunin x reader#astarion angst#astarion ancunin imagine#astarion smut#astarion ancunin smut#astarion bg3#baldurs gate astarion
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i'm not sure if tumblr is lying to me or not about when you responded to my ask but i only just got the notification for it, so. if you're still doing the 1-161 stony ficlet challenge, can i request 123 if that one hasn't also been taken? ps i'm really loving the ones you've posted so far, they're great! <3
Thanks! It's been a lot of fun!
--
Steve grit his teeth as Tony carefully, casually prodded his thigh with the toe of his left foot again. They were fighting, and he couldn't tell if this was an olive branch or a deliberate attempt to make him lose his cool.
They didn't fight often. They argued a lot, of course. He and Tony both had very strong personalities, and they also had very strong opinions. More difficult still, Steve was from a different time, and while he'd made great strides in acclimating himself to the time (and while Tony had been very patient as he learned) some things he said and believed still had them butting heads sometimes.
Tony prodded his thigh again, and Steve sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. He would not give Tony the satisfaction of reacting.
"I'm not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention," Tony finally declared, prodding him again.
"We are fighting and I'm still mad at you," Steve answered curtly, looking back down at his book. He figured that was attention enough, with the mood he was in and their fight still hovering at the edges of their conversations.
The ball of Tony's foot stayed pressed to his thigh a moment longer before he slowly drew it back. "Oh. Sorry."
Steve slanted his gaze over at that, brows furrowing together at the tone of Tony's voice. It was the one he used when he knew he'd misstepped but didn't understand why. He looked genuinely upset before his emotional shutters came back down as he returned his gaze to his tablet. He pulled his feet in closer, tucking himself tighter into the corner of the couch.
Steve watched him, considering, then carefully asked, "We... are still fighting, aren't we?"
"Of course. Obviously," Tony scoffed, prodding at his screen a little harder than he usually might.
Steve waited a beat, but Tony didn't plow on like he usually did when he was angry. He'd had no problem shouting for hours yesterday, but Steve had no doubt he'd come up with new things to shout if he was still very upset. He cast around his mind for what Tony's sudden change in heart and remembered, frowning, that Colonel Rhodes had huffed out a frustrated, 'well, his parents never apologized to each other, at least not in front of him, so he thinks fights just stop eventually and you carry on as usual.'
Tony must have just been... ready for things to carry on as usual. Steve set his book in his lap and sighed again, tipping his head against the back of the couch. He'd been the second one to sit down on the couch. Tony must have thought that was an olive branch. And maybe it had been, he realized, turning to look at Tony again. Maybe, unconsciously, he'd been ready to end the fight, too. But not like Tony wanted, where they simply stopped talking about it and returned to life as normal.
"I'm sorry," Steve said, because he was. His ma always said it took two people to fight, after all.
Tony prodded at his tablet a couple more times, then turned his head a little, peering at him out of the corner of his eye. "...For what?" he finally asked, skeptical.
"For fighting," Steve answered simply. He'd learned early on that if he said too much, Tony would have more to read into.
Tony turned his head away, then looked back at him, eyes narrowed. "...I'm... sorry... too," he finally said, slowly, like he was waiting for Steve to spring some sort of trap after each word.
It hurt a little, Steve could admit to himself. But luckily, he'd learned that it wasn't his own shortcomings as a boyfriend that caused Tony to be suspicious of something he thought was a good thing; the lists of people who had hurt Tony in the past were all available online, after all. Not necessarily under that label, but Steve was pretty good at reading between the lines.
And it was a step in the right direction, Steve figured. Acknowledging their wrongs to each other was certainly better than just letting them go unsaid. They could have a discussion about it later, when the hurt wasn't so fresh and they had time to decompress.
Until then, Steve reached out to grab Tony's ankle and drag his leg back out, and Tony squawked as he was pulled across the cushions. "C'mere."
"Brute!" Tony howled, trying to claw his way back across the couch, but Steve's grip on his leg was immovable. "Stop fucking dragging me everywhere you want me, you neanderthal, I--"
"You what?" Steve asked, flipping him easily, and immediately dug his thumbs into Tony's arch, exactly where he knew Tony got sorest. Tony let out a moan, and Steve knew he had won, at least for the moment.
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Misunderstandings Part 1
Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (18+) Wordcount: around 1.5k
Genre: New to working together au. Cold playboy au. Future something au.
WARNING: This story contains some bad words/strong language! Contains also spicy scenes, so please be aware before reading it.
It has been a week since my team started working with Yoongi, the week had been filled with meetings about coordination between the teams, some of the meetings were one on one basically so I could get a sense of what he expected from me during this 5 weeks, it was fairly easy to agree on the way we could handle things, starting from the fact that I would have to be available 24/7 just in case I was needed! I had been going home around 8pm every day and always kept my phone on me with the ringer.
Yoongi was going to be in the studio all day tomorrow, which meant I didn't have to go into the office so I decided to relax tonight, took a long shower, moisturized and did my relaxing ritual, put on a grey tank top, no bra and some shorts, wrapped my long wavy dark hair in a towel and walked to the kitchen.
I make sure the bottle of Sauvignon blank that I bought on my way home was cold and put out two wine glasses, one for me and one for my girl best friend Josie, she is on her way over so we can gossip and watch reality shows. Josie has been my best friend since middle school, fun fact her fiancé is also my best friend. Even bigger fun fact, I had been on a date with Zion when we were in college but we quickly agreed that a friendship was the thing for us, I introduced them during one of Josie's visits on campus and now 4 years later they are just a few months away from getting married.
I hear her emergency key to my apartment in the lock and start preparing the popcorn.
"Zion is driving me crazy!!" she says with an exasperated tone while closing the front door.
I laugh at her facial expression, she is going for annoyed but it looks cute on her.
"Hello to you too... what did he do now?"
"He keeps changing our funny dance for the wedding!"
"you mean your first dance?" I say with a confused face while pouring the wine and handing her a glass.
she takes a big sip "Nono, 'Cant help falling in love' is still our song but he saw online that people like doing some funny dance trend after and You know I'm not good at dancing."
Josie comes from a rich conservative family, she is very classy and polished, never late and never a hair out of place, so I was surprised when she told me she was in love with Zion, his style very much the opposite of her but both with a heart of gold.
I laugh at the thought of Josie dancing some TikTok challenge.
"Oh josie...you are a great dancer, just not with the new stuff!" i try to comfort her and we walk to the couch.
We are under the fluffy blankets watching our third episode of love island UK season 10, we had finished the USA one a couple of weeks ago. Suddenly my phone starts ringing, the word OFFICE written in the screen, I look at the time "11:34 pm". Josie and I look at each other with confusion in our faces, she pauses the show and I shake my head trying to shake the 2 glasses of wine off my system and then proceed to answer the call.
"Hello (Y/N), this is the security from the building, sorry for calling you so late, Mr. Min is here at the office trying to access the studio but he had left his keys inside and the other copy isㅡ"
"is in my bag!" I say simultaneously facepalming my face. "I will be there in 15 minutes" luckily I don't live far away from it.
Hanging up I rush to the room, put a pair of skinny jeans on, my classic vans and put my hair on a messy ponytail. The taxi Josie had called for me was here already so I rushed out of the door telling her I would be back soon.
7 minutes later I was in front of my building, greeted the security and proceeded to the 19th floor, were the studio is. Yoongi is waiting right in front of the elevator doors when they open and I get surprised to see him in his very relaxed outfit. Hair covering his gorgeous forehead, his phone in one hand and the other one in his pocket, his eyes rise up to meet mine and I smile at him. We start walking to the elevator, he is behind me and I don't know if its his presence or the wine but I feel my cheeks heating up and warmth running through me. I open the door for him and try to hand the keys to him.
"do you want to come in for a while?" he asks with a blank expression.
"mmm sure." dammit, I am supposed to be just dropping the keys off.
I walk past him and he closes the door behind us. Its a normal studio, with little touches of him, a couple of basketball gadgets and some posters, a couch with some pretty purple cushions and a blanket, he had made it his own.
"would you like some more wine?" his question takes my attention out of looking around his studio.
"mmm sure. thank you. Waitㅡ 'more'?" my face expressing my confusion.
He has a small smile on his face while pouring me a glass "yeah, more! I noticed you have a slight scent of wine on you, so you must have been drinking some before coming here".
aww, he was smelling meㅡ Stop. waitㅡ oh my god did that mean I smell of alcohol?. oh God, that's not very professional.
"hey, its not a problem you know. I like wine, so you know... you smell good" his words snapping me out of my small mental freak out. "plus, you weren't even supposed to be coming here so don't worry about it." he hands me the glass of wine.
We've been seated on his couch and talking casually about the things we like and our passions for a couple of hours now, I feel really comfortable around him and he seems comfortable around me! He said something funny and I pushed his leg in a jokingly manner but when I tried to retrieve my hand he grabbed it pulling me closer to him, we stopped laughing suddenly and stared into each others eyes, he bit his bottom lip and shacked his head no subtly, like if he was shaking away a thought. His eyes started roaming my frame and My heartbeat accelerated once I noticed where his gaze had stopped.
My nipples were hard and he could see their outline through my tank top. Shit!!! I didn't put on bra. I should say goodnight and walk away but why aren't my legs moving?! I feel warmth spreading through my thighs.
"It's late!" He suddenly gets up and it startles me. "Maybe you should go home!"
"huh? maybe you should go home!" I say with defiance, -why cant i just shut up-.
"(Y/N)!" -my name sounds so good in his voice- "You are drunk and I'm afraid you will regret any decision we take after this point!"
He is making sense, he has a point, plus we are working together, we need to maintain a professional relationship so I get up and start walking past him and towards the door, I say goodbye and walk to the elevator. Pressing the button to call the elevator I realize that my keycard to leave the building is in my bag with my phone and my house keys -damm it- I walk back to the studio where Yoongi hadn't closed the door yet for some reason and when his eyes reached mine, I swear there was a little hope in them. I walked past him again and grabbed my bag then turned around to wave goodbye.
He stayed still for a while, like contemplating what to do, he raised his hand to wave back but he seemed hesitant. I started to walk to the door when suddenly he grabbed my wrist. I stopped breathing for a second and my heart started beating faster.
"Maybe you should stay!" he says softly. while pulling me towards him until my chest is flat against his. I can feel his breath on my face. A hint of whiskey on it.
"Maybe you should stay too!"
He smiles at my statement and that seemed to be all the permission he needed because his hand started to travel from my waist to my breast while the other one held my chin up while he watched me and the kisses me.
It was gentle at first and then became passionate, one of those kisses that take your breath away and make you dizzy. He kissed like I belonged to him, like no one had kissed me before and I was loving it.
His hand move to the front of my jeans and start undoing the buttons, his mouth now trailing my neck. my jeans come off and we move around, he leans my ass against his desk and starts trailing wet kisses from my neck down. He sucks my nipples through the tank top and starts rubbing my core.
"so wet for me already huh?" I moan and put my hands on the desk to balance myself a bit. His mouth trails down my body until I can feel his warm breath on top of my core, his fingers slowly move my panties to the side and the he assaults my clit with his mouth. -so much talent in that mouth-.
Yoongi's tongue is all over my clit and I feel my orgasm building. I cant control my moans and thank god this place is soundproof. He starts alternating between tongue fucking me and playing with my clit and I am almost at my high. The minute his hand grabs my hips to keep me still I cant control myself any longer and come. "Good girl! You taste amazing". he smirks.
"My turn!!" I smile at him and fall to my knees, looking up at him and holding the eye contact I start lowering his sweatpants. I was surprised to notice he wasn't wearing any underwear and his erection almost smacked my face when it came out of his pants!
I start holding his dick and licking the tip of it, he exhales a shaky breath and I slowly introduce his erection in my mouth. Starting to suck in and out of my mouth at first slowly and then increasing my pace, I cup his balls in my hand and then continue to suck him off at a fast pace! he is moaning and throwing his head back and I can feel it wont take him long before reaching his orgasm! I slow down my pace to tease him a little and we make eye contact again, he seems hungry for me, he wants me.
"Get up!" after taking the rest of his clothes off, he helps me get up and he takes my tank top and underwear then stares at my body for a second, I can see hunger in those eyes, hunger for me. I can see he cant decide on what to play with first. "Bend over my desk!" he commands -I guess he decided where to start- my boobs are now pressed flat against his desk, it is cold and I feel my nipples hardening.
His hands start caressing my ass and touching my clit "You are a sight. I've been wanting to bend you over my desk ever since the first day when you gave us that building tour" he says and I instantly moaned out of neediness, I need him inside of me now!.
"YOONGIㅡ"
"My god I love how you say my name... keep saying it princess!" -fuuck I want to come again so bad- he continues touching me and then I fill his hand get to the back of my neck pinning me to the desk and his other hand rubbing his dick around my folds.
"Yoongi, I needㅡ" he shut me up with his dick entering me hard, I moaned loudly and he waited a second to let me adjust then started pumping into me hard and at a fast pace. I became a moaning mess and my orgasm started building again, he used his free had to spank my ass and I moaned again, my eyes got teary but I was enjoying this. I was enjoying being fucked senseless. I enjoyed the pain mixed with pleasure that he was giving me. I needed it. After all, it had been almost two years since the last time I had sex.
I notice his pace getting faster and faster "Come for me princess! I want you to come!" he says with a commanding voice. Our orgasms hit us couple of seconds later, his seed all over my lower back!
We are both panting. He takes a second to clean me up, then opens a drawer grabbing a t-shirt from it and giving it to me. We sit on the couch to rest for a bit he kisses my forehead and suddenly the exhaustion and the wine get to me and I fall asleep in his arms!
I wake up the day after with a strong headache, I feel around for my phone that should be on my bedside table but then open my eyes to realize I'm still on the couch in the studio. Yoongi isn't in the couch anymore so I look around and see him working at his desk on the computer. I breathe a sight of relief. I reach for my jeans put them on and then walk towards him.
"Your bag and keys are by the piano" eyes fixed to the screen and monotone voice.
"Thanks!" I say hesitant about what to do next. "Would youㅡ" he cuts me off.
"I will see you at the meeting this afternoon." This time his voice sounds annoyed and dismissive. A bad feeling downs on me.
I grab my things and once I'm at the door I look back, expecting him to at least look at me before I go but nothing. -He regrets it- that thought hurt, more than my headache!
While waiting for my taxi I realized that its 6am, that I had left Josie at home waiting for me and that I had royally fucked up by sleeping with the VIP, that he seemed to regret it to the point of not being able to look at me and that the meeting where I will have to see him in a few hours will be hard.
A.N: This is part 1 of this story, Hope you can enjoy it. Please if you want, read the prologue of this story too. I am not clear on how many parts it will have but hopefully many more, I have already mapped out how the story will continue but publishing it depends on the readers request.
A.N 2: any feedback would be appreciated! Likes and conditions are appreciated too! Please do not copy my work and give credit if reshared!
#bangtan#bts yoongi#fanfiction#bts army#yoongi angst#yoongi smut#yoongi x reader#yoongi x y/n#yoongi x you#bts suga#bts smut#bts scenarios#armysource#btsedit#btsgif
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For the last two weeks or so I've been playing the Mega Drive dungeon crawler Shining in the Darkness. I've recently been going through all the various action-RPGs the system had to offer and kinda found myself lusting for more, so I expanded the scope.
Shining in the Darkness had one of those cover arts I vividly remember seeing in game stores during the 90s, I understood already back then that whatever this was would be too complicated for my feeble preschool brain, but it had a shiny glossy allure that still beckoned to me with promises of daring adventures and grand battles. Questions lingered in my head: Who is that evil bastard zapping sparks at Cavin from the Gummi Bears? Why has the king entrusted the safety of his kingdom to a meagre boy and his two misfit friends?
Well, it turns out that big bad guy is called Dark Sol, the bane of all game difficulty discourse, and the reason the king has enlisted three poor kids is because there is no one else to rely on after your daddy went missing. Everyone else just sorta gives up along the way.
My initial conclusion of this game was to commend my young self for the striking assessment, my five year old self would never get anywhere in this game between the English text, abstracted navigation and number crunching battle mechanics. Shining in the Darkness is a bona fide classic dungeon gauntlet endurance simulator, where you traverse vanishing point block tunnels and encounter enemies. I've played one or two games like this before, like the original Phantasy Star, but this time a new desire struck me. I wanted to draw maps. Maybe I'm just getting older and more patient, leading me to wilfully ignore easily available resources online.
By my recollection, this is the first time I've dedicated myself to playing a game like this. Usually I just resort to my sense of direction, which I've gathered seems to at least be above average, since anytime I go anywhere with anyone I always end up playing shepherd so they don't get lost. Worst case scenario I'll just fall back to mapping efforts by online heroes from years past. For Shining in the Darkness I persisted blindly about halfway through until I admitted to myself charting a map of the labyrinthine caves would be a lot easier. Luckily, the game allows you to spend 1 MP to see a chunk of where you've walked, meaning I could get neatly organized segments to copy by hand.
Perhaps my biggest takeaway from this endeavour was how much of the game experience was expressed through this map project. I spent just as much time slaying beasts as I did counting tiles and filling them out with my pencil. It became a natural counterbalance that provided vital pacing to the game mechanics. Walking, fighting, charting. In turn, through the principle of learning by doing, I gained a more intimate familiarity with the environments by just replicating them out on a sheet of paper. I found that while the map helped, I actually didn't need it much for backtracking because my drawings had helped me remember the layouts of the corridors anyway.
I guess the lesson learned is that while old design sensibilities may appear to be arcane and cumbersome when easier solutions exists, the obfuscation is part of the fun. The game hands me an intentionally hard to navigate world, shows me that it's fully capable of displaying maps of it, but still asks me to provide that dimension myself. Through doing this, I discover that drawing maps is both surprisingly enjoyable and cognitively stimulating. I realize that had I downloaded some pre-packaged maps online and used as my bible, Shining in the Darkness would've been a vastly different experience, one of monotonous meandering through endless fights while confidently striding along the known path.
Perhaps that's why the game was called Shining and the Darkness in Japan, it doesn't flow as well as the western title, but at the same time it poetically reflects this act of discovery. I am Shining, the game provides the Darkness, we work together, we must unify to become whole.
As for Dark Sol, he turned into a big monster boy and was vanquished by a spunky cartographer child and her two cohorts. The unknown has been made known and the kingdom is once more saved.
/Kiki
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closer | part twelve
joel x f!reader. non-apocalypse au
series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3
chapter summary: joel makes you come in his car, then decides that night he wants to make it happen six more times. 10k words.
warnings: 18+ MDNI, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), soft!dom joel, leaning more into full dom!joel this chapter, thigh riding, unprotected rough sex, spanking, fingering, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, praise kink, overstimulation, joel uses restraints on reader
a/n: sooooo yeah, this chapter is just all smut it’s absolutely 10k words of pure filth i needed to get out of my system, please enjoy my friends x
Joel’s crew is back working on retiling your parents’ bathroom today, sans Joel. He got called for some consulting at one of his work sites and had to leave Ian and Chris to finish up the work. You thought you would maybe feel uncomfortable after Chris’ advances the other day, but luckily you got an alert for an apartment you’d really loved online offering showings, so you quickly schedule a viewing for today, giving you a chance to get out of the house and just let them work.
You tell the boys your plan, and Chris shoots you a somewhat apologetic look as you’re talking. You do feel slightly bad for the guy, he was just asking you out after all, unaware that he’d face Joel’s anger for it. You give him a kind look in return before you slip out of the bathroom and head out of the house.
You feel a little guilty for going to see this apartment, having told Joel that you weren’t planning to move until the end of summer, but this apartment doesn’t have availability until August, anyways. So there’s no harm in just going to look, right? You don’t want to move away from Joel, but the thought of living in your parents’ accessory apartment for too long is starting to get to you. You’re ready to start fresh - have a place of your own and a job you’d dreamed about. You could invite Joel over and not feel like such a little kid, mooching off of your parents. Sure, you’re doing so much work for them around the house while you stay here, but it doesn’t help the feeling that you’re a teenager again living under their roof.
You see a call come in from Joel when you’re heading back to your car after the viewing, and you answer nervously, deciding you’ll be honest with him about what you were doing today.
“Hey baby, how’s it going? Are the guys behaving?” Joel’s rich, deep voice comes through the speaker into your ear, melting your insides immediately.
“Uh, good, I actually just got out of an apartment viewing so I’m not home with them. It’s not available until almost September though, so don’t worry,” you say nervously, getting into your car.
“You know what I told you about that, do what you gotta do baby girl. Don’t even worry about me, okay?” Joel replies.
“It’s hard not to,” you say, fiddling with your hands in your lap. Joel chuckles on the other end of the phone.
“Such a sweet little thing,” he says, and you can picture the little head shake he does when he makes comments like that. “Hey, does that mean you’re still out right now?” he asks suddenly.
“Er, yeah, why?”
“Come meet me. I’ll be on a break soon.”
“Meet you at work?” you ask, feeling a little nervous about the prospect.
“No, somewhere else. Private,” he says, his voice going a little lower, and you suddenly understand what kind of meet-up he’s hoping to have.
“Hmm,” you say, smiling into the phone as you feign thinking. “You want me to meet you for lunch again?” you ask innocently, trying to rile him up a little.
“I’m thinking more than lunch, darlin’,” he says, “And I think you know that too.”
“Oh, do I?” You smirk.
“Don’t start with me,” he warns, and you flush a little with anticipation at his tone. “Are you comin’ or not?”
“Send me the address.”
You spot Joel’s truck where he said it would be, parked deep into an empty parking lot next to an alleyway and find a spot right behind it, climbing out of your car and immediately into his right after. You make a bold move and open his driver's side door, climbing in and immediately onto his lap. He already has the seat pushed back as far as he can, leaving plenty of room between you and the steering wheel. You straddle one of his legs and look down at him. His eyes are already dark with desire as they take you in, likely having been sitting here anticipating your arrival with nothing else to distract his mind.
“Oh?” Joel asks, surprised at the way you’ve chosen to ignore the passenger side of the car. “That ready to go, are we?”
“That’s you, isn’t it? The one practically begging me to drive here.” You give him a challenging look.
Joel tuts, the darkness in his eyes deepening as he grips your chin between his fingers. “Don’t act like you didn’t want this just as much as me, sweet girl. Bet you were thinkin’ all day about the next time I could make you come, weren’t you?”
You swallow, and a flush creeps up your face and ears, knowing he’s right. You had been distracted a good portion of the day, as usual, thinking about Joel. Without even realizing, you’re nodding and rocking your hips on his leg, the miniskirt you’re wearing offering almost no buffer between your pussy and his jeans.
“Thought so,” he murmurs, snaking a hand into your hair, gripping the back of your head and stroking his fingers delicately.
“How long do we have?” you ask breathlessly as the pleasure is already building in between your legs while you move.
“Long enough to make you come two times, at least,” he says, his voice so low and fucking enticing right now along with that smirk plastered on his face. You moan lightly, feeling the material of his jeans bunching up in just the right spot to rub on your clit. You almost stop, seeing him look down to watch your hips gyrating on him like this so shamelessly. His eyes sparkle with approval for your tiny skirt now draped over your legs in a way that leaves little to the imagination as you continue moving on him. Joel starts to pull your shirt up and over your head and you don’t protest, letting him toss it onto the passenger’s seat before he does the same to your bra, leaving you in just the skirt, your tits bouncing lightly in his face as you grind on him.
“Don’t stop, beautiful girl, keep using me. Make yourself come,” he says, tilting his head towards you and brushing his lips along your cheek. It’s so light, but it sends tingles and sparks all down your body. His lips meet yours and suck hard on your bottom lip before he devours you with a passionate kiss. Your hips respond along with your lips, sending them thrusting forward in quicker stokes onto his thigh.
“Ride my thigh, baby, and afterwards…” he says, teasing you with the trail-off sentence and rolling your nipple between his fingers.
“Afterwards…?” you echo, desperate to hear more from him.
“After you come, I’m gonna fill you with this cock so deep that you can only think to scream my name as you come again and again,” he finishes, and you moan out in pure pleasure at the way his words add on exponentially to the feel of your cunt grinding against him. He reaches around and grabs your ass with one hand, gripping it tightly and forcing your hips forward into him with even quicker thrusts. You flutter your eyes and lean into it, letting him help you close the gap to your quickly approaching climax.
“Fuckin’ tiny little skirt, you know what you’re doin’ to me, don’t you, sweet girl?” he murmurs, watching the fabric of it move with your hips. “Perfect for me to get a look at this pussy usin’ my thigh like the desperate little thing you are.” You can only moan in response, already completely undone by him, and truthfully, you never stand a chance when it comes to Joel.
Joel’s hands slide up your thighs, reaching under your skirt, then lifting your body up to adjust you in a position to get your underwear off. You whimper at the sudden change, your pussy clenching around nothing as the stimulation on your clit stops. You look at him desperately with dazed eyes and your jaw hanging slack.
“Hang on, sweet girl,” he coos breathlessly, finally getting your underwear down your legs. “Need to see your needy little cunt dripping all over my leg.” He puts you back on his thigh, your slick folds immediately soaking into his jeans as you move frantically to reach for the pleasure you were feeling moments ago. You sigh a quiet moan as your clit rubs on the fabric again. Joel’s hand slithers back onto your bare ass underneath your skirt and squeezes tightly, a groan slipping from his lips.
“Atta girl, look at you,” he says, peering down in between your legs. “Makin’ a mess all over me, aren’t you? Shameless little thing, gettin’ so wet because of me.”
His voice now vibrates against your neck, where he’s brushing his lips until they reach right under your ear. The feel of his lips on such a sensitive spot has you trembling, barreling right into your orgasm. You moan louder, riding Joel’s leg hard as your hips push down into his thigh with each thrust while waves of pleasure overtake you with a fiery, tingling sensation. Even on just his leg, the climax he brings out of you is unlike anything else. You loll your head to the side lazily, looking at him with quick breaths as your climax subsides.
Joel takes one look at your heady stare and reaches down to his belt, undoing it and unzipping his jeans, opening them as wide as they’ll go around his hips. You lick your lips in anticipation when he pulls his cock out and you see just how hard he is. He swiftly moves you to straddle his hips, and within moments he’s resting against your folds, his thick head rubbing down them and getting coated in your wetness. You shudder at the movement over your currently oversensitive nerves and let out a small, whining noise.
He starts teasing you with small strokes, just dipping the head in and out as he lurches his hips off the seat, looking at you expectantly. You can see how much he needed this, though, as his eyes flutter for a moment, giving him away. He’s holding your hips tightly, not allowing you to move freely onto him, just giving you exactly what he wants to at the moment. You gasp quietly with the need for him already blazing through you again, and you’re not getting enough of him yet. You wriggle down a little further in his grasp, sliding more of him into you.
“Easy now,” Joel warns, tightening his grip on you enough to leave a mark if he doesn’t let up. “You gonna be a good girl for me and follow my lead so I can take care of you? Or are you gonna find out what happens if you don’t?”
You nod half heartedly, and he gives you an unimpressed look, wanting you to elaborate. “I’ll be good, be your good girl” you breathe out, trying to go slightly limp so he’s able to control your movements better.
“Okay, then,” he says quietly, loosening his hold on your hips slightly and pushing into your pussy further. A groan releases from his lips, his throbbing cock finally finding some relief inside of you. He thrusts in further now, your angle on top of him allowing you to be absolutely full of him as his cock pushes in all the way to the hilt. You can’t believe you can even take it like this, being on top like this allows him even further in than you could’ve imagined when you first saw the size of him.
A low, guttural moan slips out of you before you can even stop it as you sink down as far as you can go onto his cock again. “Oh m-my-'' you try to speak, but Joel shushes you, a hand flying off your hip to gently put a finger to your lips. He stops moving his hips, a small form of punishment for you, and you whine a little.
“I said I only wanna hear my name coming from that mouth, baby,” he says, dark eyes boring into you. You immediately simmer a little, despite enjoying the way he takes control of everything like this. His finger rests on your mouth still, but you crane your neck forward and take it into your mouth, sucking all the way down it before sliding back, releasing it from your mouth. The look he gives you is absolutely devastating, and he fucks you hard now, driving all the need he’s been feeling all day into your cunt with long, quick strokes. He wraps his arms around you, drawing your body flush with his before sliding his hands down your back and landing on your waist again. He uses his hands on your hips to continuously pull you onto him, and it fucking hurts, but in the best way possible as he fills you up completely over and over. Your head is tucked into his neck as he pumps into you, and you can feel the closeness of your bodies rubbing on your clit now, sending even more waves of pleasure and a swirling heat deep inside of you. Joel’s letting you move more on your own now as you find a pace that is absolutely perfect for your aching clit.
“Joel…” you moan quietly into his ear, feeling the build up to your climax becoming more intense. “Joel,” you say again, trying to urge him to not stop what he’s doing to you.
“C’mon baby, let me feel you squeeze that little pussy around this cock,” he says, or commands, even, pushing his hips into you at the slightest change in angle, which sends you careening off the edge into pure bliss as he hits deep inside of you. You cry out, pressing yourself as close as you can possibly get, hoping to fuse your bodies together in the heat of this moment. He presses again and again on the spot, absolutely undoing you with every new thrust of his hips.
“Joel! Fuck, Joel, I’m-,” you scream out, your whole body trembling under the intensity of the climax rushing through you. You’re lost for the moment, unable to even remember where you are, only focused on the fact that you’re practically seeing stars right now as Joel fucks the best orgasm out of you that you’ve ever felt. Your entire pussy feels painfully oversensitive now, and you’re about to try and squirm off his lap but he continues pumping into you, his cock continuing to press on your g-spot. He holds your waist with one arm, snaking his free hand in between your legs to play with your clit. You can feel sweat forming all over your body as the intensity becomes too much, pleasurable fire burning through you with every new movement Joel makes.
“I c-can’t -” you try to push out the words but they’re lost in between a moan that trails into another earth shattering climax as you shudder onto Joel’s lap, loudly slapping your two bodies together as you come hard onto his cock.
“See? You can, baby. Fucking take it,” Joel gasps out, and you can sense that any moment, he’s going to find his pleasure along with you. He grunts, long and low as his cock is pressed all the way inside of you, releasing himself with a few more quick thrusts. You sigh contentedly at the feeling of it, his throbbing cock and cum being all yours for just this fleeting moment.
You two sit for a few moments, unmoving as you catch your breath. You finally look him in the eyes, and Joel takes in your flushed cheeks and thinks this might be his favorite sight of all time, seeing the way you look at him after he completely shatters your world several times in a row. His look quickly switches to sympathetic, and you catch the hint.
“You have to go?” you ask timidly and Joel nods slightly with a half hearted smile.
“Wouldn’t mind a break from work like this once and a while, though,” he says with a smirk, and you find it in yourself to return the smile despite feeling a tug at your heart that you have to leave him again.
“Sounds like a deal to me,” you reply, scooting back on his lap slightly. You start to climb over the console into the passenger seat, and when your ass is level with his face, Joel gets a look up your skirt at your swollen pussy leaking his cum as you go.
“Fuck,” he mutters, clenching his fists. You’re almost across to the other seat but you pause, turning your head back to look at him.
“What?” you ask teasingly, leaving the view a few moments longer, even popping your ass up a little higher so that he gets a better look.
“You’d better move right now, if you know what’s good for you,” he says, his jaw tensing up. You peer over your shoulder enough to blatantly look down at his cock, still out of his jeans, which twitches in its half hard state. “Stop,” he commands, but you don’t move, only give him a small smirk.
“Stop what? Putting my pussy right in your face?” you ask, slyly glancing down at his cock again to see it getting harder.
“That’s exactly what, you little fuckin’ brat. Knowing I have to go, and shoving your cum soaked little pussy in my face.” Joel’s hands twitch, the desire to grab your hips and shove his face right between your legs is threatening to take over him. You roll your hips back, and he grabs hard onto your thigh, stopping you.
“Stop. It. I don’t want to ask again,” he says, low and gravelly, his eyes meeting yours after glancing between your legs again.
“Or what?” you ask, trying to sound sweet. “Gonna make me ride your thigh again?”
“Get out of my car, sweet girl, before you really get in trouble,” he says, his voice frighteningly controlled. You finally give in, pouting as you finish climbing over to the passenger’s seat.
“I’ll deal with your teasing ass later,” he warns you, and it’s exactly what you wanted to hear. Ever since he’d confirmed to you he also gets turned on by this type of behavior, you’d been dying to try it out and see how he reacted. His vague promise to deal with you later sends a little thrill through you as you put back on all your discarded clothing. He reaches over to your face, holding it for a long, aggressive kiss, full of his still pent up sexual frustration. As you get out, before shutting the door, he gives you a cocky look.
“I said twice… but I counted three times,” he says, and you scoff, rolling your eyes openly at him before shutting the car door harder than you need to.
“Show off,” you mouth through the glass of the window before making your way back to your car.
You’re woken up suddenly that night, a hand gripping your wrists above your head. You should be afraid, but you know exactly who it is and what awaits you, so you smile, tired eyes glancing up to see Joel standing over you, leaned down over your bed. You’d left your door unlocked, wanting to grant him easy access to you.
“Been wondering when you’d show up,” you mumble, blinking a few times to wake yourself up. You knew Joel would turn up after his warning earlier, so like last time you waited for him, you chose something enticing to wear to bed - this time a small black slip and matching underwear.
Joel lets out a scoff, chuckling. “So we’re starting out like that, huh?” He moves his body, not taking his hand off your wrists, climbing onto the bed and straddling you on top of the thin sheet that covers you.
“You gonna keep your wrists right there for me if I let go, be a good girl?”
You nod, looking up at his face, only inches from yours. He gives you a crooked smile and releases your wrists, sliding his body down yours to give enough room to pull back the sheet. He takes in the outfit you chose just for him and sighs almost painfully when his eyes land on your hardened nipples poking through the silk fabric and your body barely being covered by the tiny slip.
“Fuckin’ Christ,” he mumbles to himself as he repositions himself back over top of your hips. “Now, are you gonna let me play with you, or be a little brat like earlier?”
You wet your lips and drag your teeth gently across them before widening your eyes. “Depends…” you say casually, and Joel grunts, pressing his hips down into you harder, pinning you further into the bed.
“What happened to bein’ a good, obedient girl for me hm?” he says through clenched teeth. “Isn’t that what makes you come so hard for me?”
His words send a wave of heat through you, your thighs clenching slightly under his heavy body, unable to find any relief from it as his hips crush into your further.
“I’m sure I’ll learn to be good by the end of this,” you say back, low and raspy, hardly able to believe the person that Joel turns you into when he talks to you like this.
“I’ll make sure of it,” he says, low and gravelly, a threat you are confident he will succeed at. Your hips are writhing and rising off the bed as much as his body on top of you is allowing, and he cocks an eyebrow.
“Bet you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” he says upon feeling the tension in your hips and thighs. You want to touch him, want to run your hands through his hair and scratch down his back just to release some of this built up feral-like energy you’re feeling towards him. His eyes shoot up to where your hands twitch, one of them starting to move.
He tuts and reaches up and grabs a hold of your wrists again, stopping your hands from reaching him. You feel a thrill rush through you at the way he’s been moving, so confidently and dominating towards you, like he has this entire night already planned out. Your chest heaves with anticipation, and you’re finding yourself speechless.
“Guess I will have to use this if you’re not gonna listen to me,” he says, suddenly reaching down off the bed and to the floor, where he brings up a long piece of fabric. Your mouth opens to protest, and he shoots you a warning look, his eyes completely darkened with desire. You snap your mouth shut, relaxing your hands and arms as he gets to work tying your wrists together. It’s tight enough that you can’t move freely, your wrists completely immobile above your head.
“That’s better,” he smirks, and you find yourself nodding with wide eyes, unable to even read what his next move could possibly be. A strange, primal fear crops up inside of you, and you feel the urge to try and get out of the situation, despite knowing Joel would never hurt you.
“I’ll be good, I promise,” you whimper as he leans down to your neck tracing his tongue up from your collarbone to underneath your chin. You shiver violently at the sudden feel of his warm tongue, your nipples hardening even further under your slip and your legs clamping together tighter.
“I don’t believe you.” He enunciates each word in a deathly calm tone, continuing working his mouth on your neck, brushing his lips along the skin. He takes a bit of skin into his mouth and starts sucking before you can protest.
“N-no, not s-somewhere my parents can see again,” you cry out, hoping to avoid the embarrassment of the other day.
“You don’t get to make requests right now, sweetheart,” Joel says, barely lifting his mouth off of you to speak. He moves to the other side of your neck, sucking hard before moving to another spot further down and doing the same thing. Even with the worry of covering the marks up, you can’t help but fall into the pleasure of his mouth taking you in over and over. His mouth moves to the swell of your breast, doing the same thing until… he’s not. His mouth clamps down, teeth digging into you slightly and you yelp out a breathy moan.
“F-fuck, Joel,” you whimper, but he doesn’t respond, just continues marking you over and over, biting a few more times. It’s a slow, lingering ecstasy every single time his mouth clamps and sucks onto your skin, and you’ve lost count of how many marks he’s leaving on you. He brushes his fingers lightly over the top lace trim of your slip, pulling it down slowly on one side, revealing your breast. He makes a small hum as he takes it in with his eyes before his mouth begins devouring your nipple, slow, swirling movements with his tongue. You cry out, the build up to this having already been so intense that you think you’re already almost being pushed to your limits.
“Baby, baby, already so worked up and we’re barely getting started…” he coos before sucking harder on your nipple. You cry out again, breathing heavily and knowing now with certainty what Joel is going to do to you tonight, and it’s about to be the most pleasurable pain you’ve experienced. He’s going to bring you to the brink and back so many times you’ll forget everything else that exists, a thought that both scares you and enthralls you. You swallow hard as he pulls the slip down on the other side, repeating the motions on your other breast. His hand comes up and plays with one nipple while his mouth is on the other and your hips buck up, searching for something they aren’t going to find right now.
“P-please,” you whisper, already ready to crumple up under the pure pleasure you’re feeling, and Joel isn’t even anywhere near your now soaked cunt yet.
“I already said, you don’t get to make requests if you aren’t going to be a good girl for me,” he retorts, eyes meeting yours.
“Touch me,” you beg, wanting to egg him on.
“Ask again and see what happens,” he says slowly, a dark, devious look flashing on his face.
Your mouth opens to speak and he cocks an eyebrow, immediately reaching his hands up and tightening the bonds on your wrists.
“That’s what I thought, sweet girl,” he growls, moving himself down your body and taking his eyes off your face to look over your body, half exposed, your slip riding up your legs from him straddling you.
“Here’s what’s going to happen,” he starts as his hands explore hungrily over your hips, sides, and thighs, “I’m gonna make you come so many times you’ll really be beggin’, not like last time I said that. And even when you’re beggin’, I’m not gonna stop. You’re gonna be a good girl and come as many times as I want you to, okay?”
You inhale a shaky breath, eyes wide at what he’s proposing to you, a sick, eager feeling swirling deep inside your core. You finally nod, small jerking movements of your head as your breathing gives away how nervous you are.
“Shh,” he says, stroking your hair lovingly, the look in his eye changing rapidly and softening. “Promise I’ll make it good for you, baby. You trust me, right?” he says, looking sincerely into your eyes. You swallow hard again, but know you can trust him, so you nod, a silent confirmation that from here on out, what Joel says goes, no matter what.
Your confirmation sends him moving, his hands on either side of your thighs, pushing the fabric of your nightgown up until it’s over your hips and your panties are exposed. He chuckles appreciatively at seeing the tiny thong you’re wearing is an exact match to the slip, little lace details and silky black fabric.
“You gorgeous fuckin’ thing,” he murmurs, sliding his finger into the side strap of your underwear, admiring it. “Wearin’ all your special stuff for me hopin’ to get in my good graces, huh?”
You can’t help but smile, toes curling slightly at his sensual tone while he snaps the thin band of the thong back in place. “Y-you like it?” you ask timidly.
“Sure do, sweet girl. Your little plan is working,” he says with a smirk. His fingers move slowly, so much so that it’s almost painful, as he traces up your thighs and lightly touches all around the edges of your panties. You have half a mind to beg for more, but you bite your tongue, settling on small whimpering noises that seem to urge Joel on all the same.
“Makes me crazy when you sound like that, baby, so fuckin’ needy,” he says, and you don’t have a reply that isn’t begging him to sink his fingers inside of your aching pussy, so you stay quiet.
“I think you’re ready for more, don’t you?” he says teasingly, and you nod enthusiastically, your head leaned back on the bed while you pant heavily. His fingers gently stroke the fabric of your underwear, the silk soft under his fingers but completely soaked through. “Oh…” he cries out quietly, feeling the evidence of just how much you want him. You are already about to cry out just from this small touch, continuing to whine out small moans.
Joel’s fingers hook under the sides of your panties, pulling them down your legs painfully slowly, revealing you to him. He sighs at the sight of your glistening, swollen cunt, all his for the taking. “Baby…” he murmurs in disbelief. You simply writhe slightly, your hips moving of their own accord, looking to find any bit of relief from the aching, pulsing torture you’re feeling in between your legs.
Joel physically lifts your thighs and moves them, positioning them wide open for him as he kneels in between your legs. You think you’re shaking, but you can’t even tell as your whole body buzzes with anticipation when you see his hand moving up in between your legs. The sound you make as he runs a finger from the top to the bottom of your slit is unlike anything you’ve ever made before. Your breathing hitches when he goes back in, doing the same motion, intently watching your face. Your neck is craned to try and see his hand moving, but from your flat angle it’s tough to see much of anything. As soon as it starts, it stops, and you want to cry, pound your fists and demand for the full pleasure he’s trying to milk out of you.
“Patience, baby,” he murmurs as he brings his mouth up to give some attention to your nipples, which are painfully hard as he sucks on them alternately through your slip. His hand gently guides the fabric down enough over one of your tits to admire it, gently cupping it with his hand. You’re nearly yelling at him to touch you when his fingers dip back into your folds, rubbing your clit slowly and gently, eliciting another whining sound from you. It’s barely a whisper of a touch, but you already feel it coming, barely enough time to register it before you start moaning and shuddering your cunt down onto his fingers, clenching around nothing as his fingers circle your most sensitive spot. You ride this first orgasm through all of its built up bliss, but it was gentle, tame, compared to what you know is coming.
“Look at that, my good fucking girl,” Joel says bringing his mouth right next your ear, and you shiver, an electric spark traveling up your spine. “One down,” he says quietly, not letting up on his movements. One finger teases your entrance, pushing in slightly and then retreating - he repeats it several times, leaving you breathless with want before he finally pushes the finger in fully.
“Oh, yes,” you whisper quietly, and Joel responds with a low hum, adding a second finger and dragging them in and out, spending a few moments pressing right on your g-spot every time he enters you. Your eyes open wide and then flutter shut, and Joel’s other hand reaches inside his jeans and fists his cock, moving it to the best of his ability with the restriction of his waistband just to provide any relief on his aching dick. He groans slightly as he moves his hand along his length, staring at the way your pussy is taking his fingers.
“Look what you do to me baby, got me so worked up I can’t even wait,” he says, and you can only see the outline of his hand moving along his cock inside of his pants. His thumb lands back on your clit, starting to rub again in wide, slow circles as he slows down his fingers inside of you as well. You’re reeling from the sudden change, and you can see Joel smiling at the reaction on your face.
“You want to beg, don’t you, baby?” he says, and you feel a pulse of desire at his words.
You nod, a small whimper coming out as he presses harder on your clit for just a moment and your hips buck forward.
“Go ahead,” he says with a crooked grin, “Beg me.”
You breathe in shakily, your whole body tense and on the cusp of another climax. “Please, Joel…” you say quietly.
“Please Joel what?” he says, an intentional bit of impatience laced in his tone.
“Faster, go faster,” you breathe out. Joel starts moving his fingers slightly faster, and you let out a small moan.
“Like this?” he asks, knowing it’s not even close to the speed you were begging for. You shake your head, just enough for him to see. “You want me to pound into this soaking little cunt, don’t you?” You nod, feeling completely driven by another force, the part of you that is wholly Joel’s in this moment.
He quickly pulls his hand out of his pants, fully focusing on you again as he does as he says, moving his fingers quickly and roughly for several moments before pressing onto your g-spot in pulsing movements, and you cry out, hardly able to believe the absolute unhindered pleasure he can pull out of you.
“It’s t-too much,” you push out with a strained voice, your hips rising into his touch. He continues the routine - fucking you hard with his fingers, then applying a devastating amount of pressure right on that perfect spot. You’re moaning loudly before you even realize it, an orgasm rolling up from deep inside of you, right where Joel is touching. He brings his mouth down as soon as he hears you yelling and flicks your clit with his tongue, continuing to push his fingers inside of you. It intensifies everything to have the warmth of his mouth suddenly on your bundle of nerves right in the middle of your climax, and you could cry with the way it’s overtaking your entire being in this moment.
“Joel…” you whisper as soon as the waves of pleasure subside. You’re laying back, body slack and eyes closed. You don’t know how you’re going to be able to take more of this until Joel is satisfied with how many times you’ve come.
“Yes, baby?” he says. His tongue is tracing along your inner thighs, giving you a brief reprieve.
“How many more?” you ask him quietly, and he chuckles deviously.
“Wouldn’t be any fun if I told you, would it?” he replies before sinking his mouth down onto your cunt and absolutely feasting on you. You yelp at the sudden change, bucking your hips into his mouth as the oversensitivity from your last two orgasms lingers. You whine as Joel gently laps at your wetness, sliding his tongue in and out of you. He’s being gentle now, able to tell how oversensitive you are as your hips scoot and writhe to try and get some distance from the feeling. His hands reach up and grip your hips hard, allowing almost no movement now. Joel’s tongue flicks you lightly right on your clit, alternating with slow, dragging circles with the tip of his tongue. You’re panting, whining cries coming out in between each one as he’s somehow starting to draw another orgasm out of you. An explosion of pleasure takes over you once again, and Joel starts sucking hard on your clit as you come onto his face, your hips spasming down into him. You’re in absolute agonizing pleasure, burning from the inside and your quick breaths leave you slightly dizzy as you come down another time.
Joel lifts his face from between your legs, and his eyes say he’s far from done. You want to cry suddenly - you can’t even tell if this is possible, if you could even come again no matter what Joel tries. His eyes bore into you as you look down at him, a plea on the tip of your tongue, but his dark expression quiets you.
Joel climbs off the bed and stands near your head, picking you up underneath the shoulders and sitting you on the edge of the bed.
“Keep those arms up, just one more second, sweet girl. You’re doin’ so well,” he says, kissing the top of your head. You just stare up at him, glassy eyed, swaying where you sit. Joel lifts your slip from the bottom, peeling it off of you and over your head. He pulls your still tied together wrists down and rests them in your lap before pulling you up off the bed to stand in front of him. He takes a step back and just looks at you, standing naked before him, hungry eyes roaming over your chest.
“A-aren’t you taking anything off?” you ask, wanting to feel his warm, bare skin against you. Joel simply smirks, but he takes off his shirt promptly, throwing you a bone. He closes the gap between you two and cups your cheek, kissing you delicately on the lips. His tongue slowly slides past his lips and into your mouth, making slow moves against your own tongue. His thumb strokes the skin along your chin, and you’re melting into just how gentle he’s being right now. A small moan slips out from deep in your throat, and you can feel Joel smile against your lips.
“Doin’ so good, baby,” he whispers right against your mouth. Somehow, your body is still responding to him when he slides a hand down between you two and gently rubs along your folds. “Still so wet for me…” he groans, moving his hand from between your legs to undo his jeans, stepping out of both those and his briefs. Your breathing immediately quickens at seeing him bare before you, his hard cock jutting out and more than ready for you. Your eyes linger on it, and Joel looks more than pleased by the still eager look on your face.
“Haven’t had enough? Still my cock hungry little thing, aren’t you?” he asks you, fisting his cock and giving you a teasing look. You reach forward your hands, despite them being tied together, trying to touch him. Joel lets out a tut, grabbing your wrists hard.
“You were doin’ so well, weren’t you? Can’t help it when it comes to my cock, can ya? Filthy little brat,” he tilts his head, examining you with narrowed eyes.
“Maybe I don’t want to follow your orders anymore,” you say with a smirk, pouting your lips a bit. Joel’s throat makes a low growl before he inhales a long, steady breath.
“You know we can’t have that, angel. Cause you like doin’ what I say, when I say it, and you know it. That’s what gets you soakin’ wet for me. And lettin’ you be my good girl gets my cock so hard for that tight little cunt of yours,” he says, pumping his hand along his cock when he speaks. You whimper, feeling the need for him to fill you start to overcome you.
You cast your eyes down slightly. “I’ll be good,” you say quietly.
“I’ll make sure of it after you learn your lesson, baby. Was gonna take those off,” he says, gesturing to your restraints, “Until you just had to act up, didn’t you?”
You frown despite feeling the thrill of his proposition rushing through you. You suddenly turn around, reaching your hands forward and placing them onto the mattress, baring your ass and backside to him. You hear a low chuckle escape Joel, and he comes forward, grabbing your hips and pressing himself flush with your ass.
“Didn't tell you to turn around,” he growls.
“Oops,” you say casually, grinding your ass into him, feeling the hardness of his rock rub into you.
“Alright, that’s it,” he says, removing one of his hands from your hips and immediately bringing it back down to smack your ass. You moan louder than you mean to as the sting hits you, and it prompts Joel to smack again in the same spot. You lean further into the bed, giving Joel the perfect view of your ass sticking up just for him. He rubs his cock in between your legs, the length of him pushing back and forth through your slick folds, and he smacks again, on your other ass cheek this time. You let out a sound that’s half a moan and half a whimper.
“You like bein’ punished, don’t you baby?” Joel says with a low chuckle. “Want me to fuck you so hard you have no choice but to be my good girl again?”
“Yes,” you whine, unable to think of anything else other than what he’s proposing. Your mind is a blank slate for him to write on, put whatever ideas he wants right onto it, and you’ll blindly follow. “Wanna be your good little slut,” you say in the same whimpering tone, and Joel grinds his hips into you with a needy groan slipping past his lips. He’s getting impatient too, you can feel it, hear it in the little noises he’s making. The head of his cock is right there, right where you want it, and you’re tempted to push back enough to get it inside of you, but you know that’ll only delay things if Joel thinks you’re trying to act out of line. Those aren’t the rules tonight, you remind yourself - Joel’s cock is only going inside of you when he decides it’s time.
You don’t have to wait much longer, because your words seem to have spurred him on, causing him to slowly push himself inside of you. You let out a relieved moan as he begins to fill you up, the feeling you were so desperate for. Only mere moments later he’s driven his cock up to the hilt, allowing you just a single moment of adjustment before he begins thrusting his hips, your slickness coating his shaft as he moves in and out of you.
“So fuckin’ wet and tight, baby,” he says roughly, picking up the pace. You’re pushed down onto the bed, practically unable to move anywhere with the way Joel’s body and the restraints are holding you in place. “Dream about this little pussy every minute I’m not in it,” he moans out, lost in his pleasure as he rolls his hips with every thrust into you. He lifts your hips up slightly, forcing you to press the front half of yourself further down into the bed, but as soon as he thrusts in, you gasp at the way he’s hitting deep inside of you. His rough, fast thrusts hitting your g-spot over and over are practically making you go limp, only able to bounce your hips back into him to force him as deep as he can go.
“Fuck,” you cry out, feeling the familiar sensation building inside of you. You moan out a loud, long noise as it crescendos to a breaking point and you yell out Joel’s name, feeling your entire body light up with pleasure again, the feeling deep inside of you rolling out waves of euphoria. Another familiar feeling strikes you and you know you’re squirting again, something only Joel has been able to pull out of you when he devastates you this badly. Your entire body trembles with the intensity of your climax, seeming to go on for an eternity as his cock slams into you repeatedly.
“Christ,” Joel mumbles, hearing your guttural moans, feeling the way you’re coming and squirting for him as he continues to force his cock deep inside of you. “Fuck, baby, gonna make me come already with all that,” he says.
“Wanna feel your cum in me,” you whimper dazedly, tumbling down from your orgasm with only half of your faculties intact right now.
“Not yet, baby, we’ve still got more to go,” he coos, slowing his thrusts. You breathe in raggedly, blinking slowly as you process his words.
“No…not more…can’t…” you say quietly, and Joel strokes a hand down your back soothingly.
“Already told you how this is gonna go tonight, sweetheart,” he replies, his hand continuing down, rubbing circles on your ass now.
“I’m good yet?” you ask, slurring a bit now.
“You’re very good, baby, look how good you just came for me. Made a damn mess all over, naughty little thing,” he assures you, reaching around you and gently stroking your clit. Your hips jerk at the hypersensitivity caused by him shattering you with several orgasms already, but it still feels good, somehow, so you melt into it for a moment, letting Joel stroke you softly as he slides in and out of you at the same, slow pace.
“Yeah…” you murmur, never wanting this feeling of him to end, unable to believe you’re even able to conceive the thought of another orgasm right now.
“Yeah, baby? Still lookin’ for more?”
“Dunno, can’t even think…” you trail off, fluttering your eyes shut.
“S’okay, I can do all the thinkin’ for us,” he counters, and you smile wryly, then nod. He pulls out quickly and then maneuvers you, flipping your body back over and seating you on the edge of the bed. “Got any toys, sweet girl? Ones you use when you think of me and make yourself come?” Joel asks. You blink for a moment, still feeling a bit delirious, then give him a nod.
“In the drawer,” you tell him, nodding your head towards your bedside drawer. Joel reaches over and opens it to see your several different vibrators and toys and tuts amusedly.
“Naughty girl,” he chuckles, shaking his head. He pulls out a small bullet vibrator, holding it between his fingers and inspecting it for a moment. “Gonna need this,” he comments, moving back over to you and positioning himself in front of you. He lifts your still restrained wrists and places them over his head so they’re resting on his neck, immobilizing you even further. He leans down, enough for his cock to find your entrance again, pushing back in. You flutter your eyes, feeling a mix of overstimulation and pleasure as your pussy clenches around him. Joel’s arm lifts you from under your thighs, tilting your hips up for him as he begins moving inside of you. He looks in your eyes and clicks on the vibrator, moving his hips in steady thrusts. You gasp as he touches it above your clit, slowly sliding it up and down, buzzing your clit periodically. Your hips are already shuddering, writhing, unclear on what direction they even want to go - into or away from the now achy pleasure.
“I can’t, it’s - t-too much Joel.”
He tuts again and shakes his head. “I know, baby, but I think I wanna get at least one more out of you. I know you’ve got it in you, sweet girl,” he says warmly, tucking his head down to plant a kiss on your lips. You reciprocate the kiss, almost by instinct, feeling completely out of it in the best way possible right now.
You let out a little whine the next time Joel brushes the vibrator over your clit, but he leaves it there instead, sending your hips shaking as the bundle of nerves there responds to being stimulated yet again. He rubs little circles, clicking the vibrator speed up and you cry out, the ends of your fingers curling down towards his back but unable to reach with the way they’re tied up.
“Another one, baby, you can do it,” Joel says, steadily thrusting into you, pushing his cock just as deep as he has been, and you think it could be too much. Your whole body is overwhelmed with feeling but you realize as you go slightly rigid and curl your toes you’re somehow climaxing again, the intensity of the vibrator carrying you through it as you moan and whimper under Joel’s strong hold. Joel smirks down at you, eyes completely glazed now, but he doesn’t let up yet. It’s his turn now, as he thrusts into you and you breathe heavily with pleasure, still enjoying the fullness you feel as his cock pumps in and out of your cunt. Your hips are twitching as you register Joel isn’t giving you a chance to even breathe as the vibrator pushes down on your clit again.
The sound you let out is nothing like you’ve ever heard leave your lips before, a strangled, high pitched moan as little shocks of pleasure start to rock through you again.
“Yeah baby, one more for me, I’m gonna come in that pussy. C‘mon sweet girl, gimme one more while I fill you up,” he says, his voice low and husky as he buries his cock into you and comes hard. You shake in his grip, your body barely able to hold up at all as you continue the ungodly sounds you’ve been making and miraculously come one final time. Joel collapses onto you and you blink heavily, staring past his head at the ceiling, trying to compose yourself. Your eyes slowly close, leaving you half conscious as you feel Joel breathe against you, his heaving chest coming back down to a normal pace. You let him move your body as he needs, lifting your arms from around his head and gently untying the restraint and you flex your wrists before lazily dragging them down his arms just to feel him there with you. He pulls out and hoists you onto the bed with him, tucking you under his arms and holding you tightly, both of your sticky bodies pressed as close as they can get.
This form of intimacy is what always strikes you - these moments after, when Joel holds you and tends to you like you’re something so precious, so breakable. Your heart is slowly melting as he holds you now, your body tired and overworked by him but you’ve never been happier, you think, than this moment right here.
“My good girl,” he whispers, stroking lovingly along every part of your body he can touch. “So, so good for me. Can’t believe I get to have this,” he continues, kissing the top of your head and forehead lightly, his lips just grazing over the spot.
“Y’think so?” you mutter quietly, still unable to even crack your eyes open.
“Mhm, I do, darlin’,” he replies, “You know I do.”
“Say it again…” you say, your head lolling down into him further, feeling sleep inching closer and closer.
“So lucky to have my good girl,” Joel says, a hint of a smile in his voice as he brushes his fingers to tuck your hair behind your ear now.
“Mmhmmm,” you mumble, and Joel chuckles, staying quiet so that you can slip away into a well deserved rest.
You’re awoken suddenly by a knocking sound, and you gasp, your head whipping up off your pillow. You’re entangled with Joel, your still naked bodies twisted together along with the sheets of your bed. Joel rubs his eyes, glancing up at you with them narrowed with sleep.
“What was that?” he mumbles, shifting slightly to give you more freedom to move.
The knock comes again, softly, and you hear your mom say your name through the door.
Your eyes go wide, and you look down at Joel, urging him silently to move off the bed.
“Just wanted to see if you’re up, honey, it’s getting a bit late for you,” your mom says, and you furrow your brow, noticing the clock on your bedside reading past 8:30. Damn you being an early riser most of the time, you think out of frustration.
“O-one sec,” you croak out, your voice hoarse from sleep. You silently nudge Joel and try to shoo him quickly into the bathroom, which is across from where you bed is and out of sight from the main door. You scurry over to your closet, grabbing your robe and moving towards the door, but you spot Joel’s clothes on the ground, so you quickly gather them up and shove them in his arms where he stands in the dark bathroom. You put a finger to your lips, trying not to laugh as you warn him to be quiet. You pull the collar of the robe up quickly over your neck, trying to cover the various marks you know have to be there from Joel last night.
“Morning, mom,” you say as you open the door and stifle a yawn.
“So you were asleep? Sorry, you’ve been up so early lately I just assumed. Wanted to ask you a few things before we ran out for some errands in a bit.”
“Um, yeah, can I meet you down in the kitchen in a little bit. I want to grab some coffee and then we can chat, is that alright?”
Your mom smiles but then her eyes catch on your body suspiciously, eyeing your robe. “Aren’t you hot?”
Your eyes go round for a moment and you inhale quickly. “I was, yeah. Kind of awkward, I’ve been trying to sleep naked, so I had to grab this when you knocked. It’s supposed to be great for you to sleep like that, I read it in an… article, or something,” you ramble on, touching the back of your neck nervously. Your mom gives you a small, amused smile before shaking her head a little. You don’t know if she’s fully convinced of any of what you’re saying, but she seems willing not to press any further right now.
“Maybe I’ll have to try it,” she says teasingly, and you cringe, not wanting to imagine anything of the sort.
“Ugh, mom,” you say with a little chuckle, and she shrugs in response, completely unbothered.
“Alright, see you at the house in a little bit, then,” she says before sweeping off down the stairs. You shut the door and release a long breath, running a hand down your face.
“Swear she never comes up here like that,” you announce quietly to Joel, who comes out of the bathroom, holding his clothes. He slowly starts putting them back on, grinning at you. You walk over to the bed and sit down, breathing in and out deeply again to calm your shot nerves.
“Healthy to sleep naked, huh?” he asks you, smirking.
“That was actually true, you know. I’ve heard about that before,” you say, crossing your arms.
“Baby, you don’t have to make up reasons to try and get me to sleep naked with you,” Joel replies, cocky as ever.
You glare at him immediately. “It’s true!” you call out, reaching for the nearest pillow on the bed and throwing it at him. It thuds against his chest and he catches it, laughing at you before walking over.
“I’m sure it is,” he says quietly before giving you a quick kiss.
“You’re leaving?” you ask suddenly, able to tell by the way he’s fully dressed and giving you what feels like a goodbye kiss. You know you have to go talk to your parents anyways, but you like to milk every minute you can with him, even if it means just a quick shower together in the morning instead of doing it at your own respective homes.
“Sorry darlin’, gotta go. I know it’s the weekend, but I’ve got lots to catch up with work and stuff ‘round the house,” he tells you, a slightly disappointed look on his face.
You nod, slightly disheartened but understanding. “See you soon?” you ask, your eyes wide and pleading as you walk him to the door.
“Of course, baby. Always.”
You sit and sip coffee at your parents’ kitchen table, absentmindedly scratching their dog Benny behind the ears. He’s clearly itching to go for a walk, and you’ve promised him several times now you’ll go in a few moments. You anxiously touch your neck, as if feeling it will ensure that the hickeys you caked in makeup this morning are still hidden. Either way, you’ve pulled your hair over your neck much more than you’d normally do, hoping to hide anything that may still be visible, and just said a quick prayer that your parents won’t notice.
Your mom is rustling around the kitchen, putting dishes away as she talks to you. Her and your dad are doing some errands today and furniture shopping, and they were hoping you’d be able to take Benny for his walk and had a small list of chores they needed help with - part of your payment for living here rent free.
“Have you talked to any more of the… friends you met when you went out?” your mom asks as she flits around the room, and you pause, trying to recollect what she’s even talking about. You finally remember you’d lied about going out and meeting some people since you’re new to this city.
“Right… uh, no, not really.”
“I just feel like you spend a lot of time, well, alone,” she says, looking at you with concern, eyes wide and sympathetic.
“No, it’s fine, mom. I just needed some time to decompress after moving here, that’s all. I’m sure I’ll meet plenty of people at work,” you try to reassure her, knowing she can go on an anxiety spiral about you at the drop of a hat. The truth is, you’re feeling far from lonely these days with Joel by your side more often than not, but you can’t exactly explain that to her.
“What about those boys working on the bathroom, huh? They’re young and cute, right?” your mom pries, and you shoot her a playful death glare.
“You have got to stop trying to set me up with people,” you tell her with a snort, shaking your head. “But yes, they’re both young and good looking. I’m just not interested.”
“Fine, alright. You know I just want you to be happy.” The issue with your parents having you so young is that they’re still young, and pry into your life every chance they get. Your mom was only twenty when she and your dad had you, so you basically grew up with her, and she’d already had a five year old when she was your age. She doesn’t expect you to follow the same path, but you think sometimes she worries about you finding someone to spend your life with.
“I’m very happy, mom,” you tell her, and she eyes you. You hope that you don’t have some weird post-amazing night of sex glow to you that gives you away. Joel did make you come an insane amount of times last night, and you’re still processing all of it, if you’re honest.
“I know you know this, but…” your mom glances at you, “You know you can talk to me about things, right?”
You fight the urge to roll your eyes despite your mom’s very sweet, kind words. “I know that,” you tell her, “If this is still about the hickeys the other week…”
“Well, it is and it isn’t,” she says, shrugging. “Just making sure you’re alright, I know moving here has been a big change.”
“It has, but I’m glad I did it,” you say, trying to smile convincingly and get her off your back. She seems to accept your answer, and goes back to taking stock of the fridge for her and your dad’s grocery run. Your dad comes into the kitchen, looking freshly showered and somewhat out of breath.
“Sick of showering with this damn thing on,” he grumbles down at his leg cast, using his crutches to make his way over to your mom. “Can I help?” he asks her, and you watch them with a smile. Despite being less mobile, he’s always trying to do as much as he can for your mom. He’s the type of person who hates being still and unproductive, so this has been a major adjustment for him.
“Want to check the pantry?” she asks, and he nods, opening the pantry door and checking the usual things they need for the week.
“Oh, by the way, Joel from next door came by and invited us to his July Fourth cookout,” your dad throws over his shoulder at you. When the hell did that sneaky bastard manage to do that? It must have been after he got done with work sometime yesterday in the evening when you’d been busy on a video chat with Sofia for a while. She was excited, to say the least, about your recent developments with Joel. She nearly fainted when you’d mentioned he took you out to dinner.
You pause, choosing your words carefully. “Cool, that’ll be fun for you guys,” you say nonchalantly, taking a sip from your coffee.
“He was adamant about inviting you, too. All three of us,” your mom chimes in.
“Oh, well that’s very nice of him,” you say, fiddling with your hands in your lap now, trying to stay poised. Just the mention of him makes it hard for you to keep your composure, afraid you’ll have some tell, some dead giveaway that you’re absolutely infatuated with the man.
“Thought you two seemed to be friendly with him working in the house, so it isn’t a surprise, right?” your dad says.
You smile slightly and nod. “Right,” you tell them. Friendly. “We’ve talked a little bit, I guess.”
“Seemed like you two had a long conversation the other day,” your mom says, eyeing you skeptically with what looks like a twinkle in her eye. Shit shit shit shit your brain repeats over and over, a dull roaring filling your ears. There’s no way she’s onto you, she’s barely even seen you and Joel interact. You have to be imagining things out of paranoia, you try to convince yourself. You realize you’re sitting quietly, not responding to your mom’s comment, so you open your mouth to speak, but your dad beats you to it.
“So you’re good with that, then? We can all go over there together that day?” he asks.
“Sure, yeah, that sounds good,” you spit out too quickly. “I’m, uh, going to take Benny now. He’s been whining since I walked in here. See you guys later.” You quickly stand and place your mug in the dishwasher before grabbing Benny’s leash and rushing towards the front door with him.
You don’t know exactly why you’re hiding this thing with Joel from your parents at this point. You know they’re open minded, but you don’t know how they would react to you choosing to be with someone so close to their age. They’ve always been pretty relaxed as parents, but they have a strong protective streak over you, especially since you’re their only child. You worry that they’d try and stop you from seeing Joel, not understanding that his intentions are good and he isn’t some kind of older predator, or whatever twisted thing they may come up with. You two lying about your relationship for a while now wouldn’t help matters, either.
You look down at Benny enjoying his walk in the early morning sun as you try to clear your head, but can’t help but return to the thoughts wondering when the hell this beautiful, wondering thing might just end up imploding on you.
#joel has a dirty fuckin mouth fr#fic: closer#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x you#the last of us fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#pedro pascal character fanfiction#pedro pascal x reader
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By Jessica Rendall
In addition to Pfizer and Moderna's new formulas, Novavax's protein-based shot is an option for COVID vaccination this season.
We're on the cusp of the fall season, which means respiratory viruses like flu, RSV and COVID are expected to keep spreading as weather cools and more people gather indoors.
Luckily, we've got vaccines in stock to help prevent respiratory viruses from turning into severe illnesses {NADI'S NOTE: Vaccination only minimizes the risk of long covid by a maximum of 30% in some people. The best protection still remains distancing when you can and masking when you cannot}. In addition to flu vaccines for the general public and RSV vaccines for older adults and pregnant people, new COVID vaccines from Pfizer-BioNTech, Moderna and Novavax are available this season to reduce the risk of hospitalization.
This means adults have a choice in which COVID vaccine they receive: an mRNA vaccine by Moderna or Pfizer, or Novavax, a protein-based vaccine that targets the virus in a more "traditional" way. All three have been authorized by the US Food and Drug Administration. While Moderna and Pfizer have been widely used over the last few years, the Novavax vaccine is building up a bit of a following.
Novavax, a protein-based vaccine, is an option for those who don't want or can't take an mRNA vaccine. Novavax may also be appealing to those wanting to experiment with the "mix-and-match" approach to COVID boosters as a way to potentially strengthen the immune response.
"Even though mRNA vaccines dominate the market for COVID vaccines, it remains important to have multiple different types of technologies against various pathogens because each may have specific use cases," Dr. Amesh Adalja, an infectious disease expert and senior scholar with Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, said in an email.
Here's everything we know about Novavax this year. Also, read more about the at-home flu vaccine that will be available next year and how you can order more free COVID tests online.
How is Novavax different from Pfizer and Moderna? Novavax is a protein-based vaccine, which people have associated with a "traditional" approach to vaccination. This is compared with mRNA technology, which does not use dead or weakened virus as an ingredient in the vaccine but instead uses genetic code to instruct the recipient's immune system to respond.
However, Adalja said that calling Novavax traditional may be a "misnomer" because it brings its own innovation to the table. Novavax uses an insect virus that has been genetically engineered to express spike proteins, Adalja explained, which are then incorporated into the vaccine.
"The vaccine itself is coupled with an immune system booster, called an adjuvant, which increases its immunity," he said, referencing a component existing vaccines have also incorporated.
This year, there are also slight differences between Novavax and Pfizer and Moderna's updated vaccines. Both mRNA vaccines have been tweaked to target the KP.2 strain of COVID-19, which is a slightly more recent version of the virus than what Novavax targets, which is KP.2's "parent" JN.1. While the FDA ultimately decided KP.2 was preferred in vaccines, all of them are expected to help protect against severe disease and death.
However, no COVID vaccines this season will be covered free of charge by the US government. While most people's insurance is expected to continue footing the bill, adults without private or public health insurance will be responsible for payment. The Bridge Access Program was expected to provide COVID vaccines for free to people without health insurance through this year, though it ended early in August due to lack of funding.
According to GoodRx, which has a coupon available for Novavax, the retail price of the protein-based vaccine is about $191.
Who should get Novavax? Does Novavax have different side effects? Novavax was authorized by the FDA for use in adults and children 12 and older, so younger kids can't get this vaccine. But for most adults, which COVID vaccine you should choose depends on your preference and what your neighborhood pharmacy has in stock.
People may opt for Novavax for different reasons, though. For people who do not want to take an mRNA vaccine, having a protein-based vaccine like Novavax available means they can still be vaccinated for the fall and winter season.
Other people may be interested in Novavax for its use in the "mix-and-match" approach to boosting, which in the past has been associated with a strong immune response.
There is some early research that suggests Novavax may have fewer short-term side effects, such as muscle fatigue and nausea, but "we can't say this for sure," Joshua Murdock, a pharmacist and pharmacy editor of GoodRx, said in an email.
"This isn't proven, and side effects do vary by person," Murdock said. He added the CDC doesn't recommend one vaccine over the other, even in people who are immunocompromised.
In general, mRNA vaccines have been found to be fairly "reactogenic" compared to other vaccines, Adalja said, noting that it also depends on the individual. But if someone had a bad experience with the mRNA vaccine, Adalja said, they "may fare better with the Novavax vaccine."
Some flu-like side effects can be expected post-vaccine, no matter which one you choose. This includes symptoms like headache, tiredness, a sore arm and even chills. Not experiencing symptoms doesn't mean your immune system isn't kicking in, but experiencing some side effects may signal that your immune system is responding to the jolt, so to speak.
In rare cases, myocarditis or heart inflammation problems have been associated with COVID vaccination, particularly in younger men and adolescents within the two weeks following vaccination. Research so far shows that Novavax, like mRNA vaccines, may also carry this rare side effect though.
Following high levels of COVID this summer in the US, more information will be needed to see how all vaccines and their freshly targeted formulas fare against the virus that's expected to continue to spread this fall and winter.
"There's no strong evidence that one vaccine is preferable to another in specific individuals, but that will be an important avenue to study for more precision-guided vaccine recommendations," Adalja said.
How to find a Novavax vaccine Novavax announced on Sept. 13 that doses of its vaccine will be available at the following pharmacies:
CVS Rite Aid Walgreens Costco Publix Sam's Club Kroger Meijer Other independent pharmacies or grocers Novavax also has a vaccine finder on its website. To use it, type in your ZIP code in the small search box, and pharmacies nearby with the vaccine in stock will be displayed.
#mask up#covid#pandemic#covid 19#wear a mask#public health#coronavirus#sars cov 2#still coviding#wear a respirator#novavax
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Mushroom Foraging: Lions Mane
Lions mane (Hericium erinaceus) is a tooth fungus of the family Hericiaceae. A prime edible species, it is found in temperate climates across much of North America and Eurasia. They feed predominately on decaying wood and can be easily cultivated on sawdust, with kits available online from many sources.
I found this one on an oak tree where I hunt in the Southern United States, and since they’re as close to completely safe as a wild mushroom can be, I decided to treat my folks to one of my favorite wild edibles. This one was frankly enormous, so there was plenty to share.
We’re gunna need a bigger pan.
In seriousness, this one probably weighed something along the lines of 10 pounds, but that was largely because it had been raining all day and these things are like sponges. Unfortunately, despite looking pretty decent, it was on the edge of edibility, with the core having already softened and gone yellow.
Luckily, the toothed exterior (the best part for eating as far as texture goes) was still fine, and I was able to get a very respectable portion of the stuff.
This species is known for cooking down to a texture and flavor not dissimilar to seafood like crab or lobster, and is quite nutritious. I sauteed this one in butter, and seasoned it with some herbs, cayenne, and salt and pepper.
It was supremely delicious, with a side of roasted potatoes and salad and some shrimps. Dipped in cocktail sauce it really is remarkably similar to a bite of crab.
Foraging note: All members of the genus Hericium, in North America at least, are safe edible species. But once they begin yellowing and producing spores they can cause stomach upset, so be cautious. There are no dangerous look alikes of this species, which makes it one of the safest mushrooms to forage. That said, you should always be cautious when harvesting wild edibles, both ensuring that what you are taking is identified correctly, and that it is not contaminated by pesticides/herbicides/other environmental toxins. Also take care to not overharvest wild sources, and to not damage the habitat as you go.
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Personal update about my anxiety
Time for another personal update! At the moment, I'm not really in a creative mood and my projects are all resting.
I am working on more stuff in my real life, including cleaning/decluttering my apartment and working through an anxiety app which will hopefully get me to start exposure (though I shudder at the thought alone). The funny thing is, the app is for social anxiety, and I do have some social anxiety, but I think I mainly have agoraphobia (but there is no medical app available for this at the moment, so I took the next best thing). The app said: "Let's make a gradual steps plan, you first choose a very easy step, then one that is a little harder and harder, and so on until the hardest step comes at the top." And for the easiest step, it actually suggested one of my hardest steps: going into a store, buying something, and interacting with the cashier. Checkouts give me such anxiety. I once had a full-blown panic attack because I couldn't remember the PIN number for my credit or debit card. And I very rarely get panic attacks. Luckily, my brother was present and he was able to pay for me while I almost hyperventilated and tears were streaming down my face. Generally, I start sweating and get shaky hands which does not help while handling cards and remembering pin numbers. I get tunnel vision and cannot focus on anything that is going on around me. Sometimes, blood rushes in my ears so I have a hard time picking up whether someone is saying anything. Then, all items need to be put into bags at lightning speed, and I always fear that I am not fast enough and that everyone else in line is annoyed and angry with me and this makes me even more nervous. Putting things away with shaky hands is tough! So I send my boyfriend shopping for me or buy online most of the time. If I absolutely must, I can go shopping with one of my loved ones because I feel a tiny bit calmer and know I have a safety net with me. They can also help me put stuff in my bags. But alone? That's nightmare fuel for me. Same thing with using public transportation, I just can't do it. I also have a very hard time sitting in waiting rooms at the doctor's office, I get so tense and do not know what to do with myself. Oh, and I also have severe anxiety when I need to make a phone call 😫 But all that is seriously impacting my life, as you can imagine. And I want to change something.
Since the app is not helpful with suggestions for my gradually harder steps to take, I have to come up with my own, and it is harder than I thought! All the things I think about are really hard for me, I cannot think of less hard steps to take 😣 Even just going outside without a destination/going out by myself is also anxiety-inducing for me. I feel like I am watched all the time, I get tense and my thoughts start racing or going in circles. This also happens while I am in a store to shop for something. I get paralysed sometimes with decision fatigue and if someone else comes into the same aisle, I have the urge to run away instantly. I get so distracted that I need to spend way more time in a store than usual and this is of course not making me calmer. I am just super exhausted after going shopping! I am proud that I leave the house twice a week now to go for a walk with my best friend though. We have just established a second day of the week this year, and we still do not go twice every week, but pretty often, which is great. And I love to walk in nature, it calms me (if there aren't too many other people around). 😊 I am also making progress with my borked sleep cycle. I am a night owl 🦉, but being awake the whole night clashes a lot with my family's plans. I have tried for months to shift it, but in the last one to two weeks, I actually made real progress and went to bed 2 to 3 hours earlier than normal, which is really huge for me! I found out that there are lots of free audiobooks on YouTube that authors upload themselves. So one hour before I want to sleep, I put one on, set a shutdown timer of 60 minutes so it will turn off after that time, and then go to bed and listen to it until I fall asleep. This has motivated me enough to actually go to bed earlier.
As a result, I get more daylight and I am more inclined to do housework, which I also struggle with in general, so this is really great! I am focusing more on that now. I also started playing Subnautica again, but I can only play for a few hours on end because it can get pretty intense. I kinda want to play Sims 4 again (weird, I know). My anxiety app wants me to think more positively, so instead of thinking that it is no use updating my mods because the minute I do, another patch drops anyway and I have to start all over, I should think more positively. I will probably drop the game after playing for a day anyway, so it does not need to stay updated for long! Maybe downloading and updating mods is more fun than actually playing anyway? 😆
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