#low motivation that i dont end up soing anything

[biolums]

god i really just am. so mentally ill that i barely function as a person

[theveryfires]

10 things i hate about you | eddie munson x reader

an: hi there lovelies! Apologies that i have taken such a long break from writing. I have recently finished university and with my dissertation and essays i ended up having no time to actually write anything worth while! for those that have stuck around, thank you for your patience and for those that are new, hi! This is essentially the full version of my earlier piece titles 'crush' that i posted months ago! i hope you enjoy and as always if there is anything i can do better please dont be shy to let me know!

“What’s got you all riled up this time, Munson?”

Gareth’s voice felt distant, drowned out by the sound that had been distracting Eddie since he stepped foot into the cafeteria. His eyes were fixed on the table a few feet away from his own domain. Populated by the slightly more socially acceptable nerds, they would probably be cool in college. All dressed in the same thick knit jumpers, deep blue denim flares, wild hair. He squinted, almost wincing as the sound seemed to grow to a crescendo. There you were, one hand clutching your stomach, close to tumbling out of your chair, the other hand covering your mouth and completely useless at muffling your laughter. it almost bubbled, tinkling and pouring, coating the rest of the usual lunchtime white noise in a thick syrup like blanket. The air had almost turned to honey, and nobody else seemed to notice. Tears were sliding down your face, glasses seconds away from falling off your nose. Eddie’s chest felt cramped, his face growing hotter when your eyes met his for a brief second.

“Not what, dear Gareth. But who.”

Eddie’s rivalry with you was well known throughout the Hellfire club. Although his reasonings were not as widely known, not even to Eddie. There was no definitive motive, no moment in time that started all this distaste. He simply didn’t like you. You had been aware of one another throughout your time at Hawkins middle and high school. Something about you had always given him a headache, made his palms itch, his overall being sweaty. All of this coming to a head when you accidentally walked in on a extremely important Hellfire meeting. You had cut your hair, it was shorter and your glasses had glowed in the low candlelight. He remembered distinctly the way you tripped over your words as you apologised, the glimmer in your eyes as you mentioned something about fire regulations. Your voice was teasing, pulling him out of his seat when he abruptly stood up. It had kept him awake at night, plaguing his dreams for weeks on end. Of course you occasionally caught his deathly glare, but it always softened slightly. The usual cold brown some how warming. You had just figured he was glaring at the jocks that sat a two table’s over. Of course you were unaware of your rivalry with the infamous dungeon master. Totally clueless.

“Is this about Temple of Doom again man? I don’t get why you don’t just bring it up with Keith.”

Eddie couldn’t quite believe that you worked at Family Video. For so long it had been a place of safety and comfort, until he had walked in to find you sorting through the horror section and chatting away to Robin. You were chewing on gum, from the looks of the lurid pink it was watermelon flavour, his favourite. He had never seen you with your hair tied back, little strands falling about your face and practically begging to be pushed back behind your ears. Robin and Steve had actually got a bit worried when they didn’t see him every afternoon like usual, quickly picking up on the fact he only came in when you weren’t working. Eddie had been going in virtually everyday asking after the new Indiana Jones movie. He was convinced you had somehow figured out he wanted it, and cooked up some plan to keep it from him. But Steve told him the actual truth, that you had booked it for three weeks specially for Dustin’s birthday. “Personally i couldnt watch a film that many times but…well you know Henderson.” Eddie had nodded absentmindedly, his eyes glazed over with a strange look. “How does she know Dustin?” His voice had sounded strained, piquing Steve’s interest as he raised an eyebrow. “She’s his babysitter, his actual official babysitter. Has been since I’ve known the kid.” Eddie had only known Dustin a month or so at that point, but it did something to his chest knowing that you cared that much. He continued to complain to Gareth about you, of course…to keep up appearances. But something was different.

“What? Oh no that…thats sorted now.”

That was another thing that he hated, you were always doing stupidly kind things for people for no apparent reason. A week or so after mentioning the whole Temple of Doom saga to Harrington, Eddie had been, as he described it, accosted in the student carpark. He had just pulled up, giving himself five minutes before dragging himself to English where you would surely be already waiting. On top of everything you shared quite a few classes with Eddie, meaning he didn’t really ever get a chance of not being around you. He always knew when you were coming, the telltale smell of coffee that had too much cinnamon and not enough sugar intermingling with your vanilla perfume seemed to surround you. Drifting down the halls, clinging to your locker, english books, pens. He knew this because you often let him borrow a pen and a spare book when he forgot them. But that morning he was surrounded before he had chance to prepare himself. A blush had attacked his face, tinging his ears that luckily were hidden under his mop of curls when you appeared suddenly in front of him. Eddie had watched you eye the cigarette in his hand, caught in the way you inhaled a little deeper, breathed out a little slower. He was left illiterate, only managing to just keep his cool whilst he raised a ever bored eyebrow in your general direction. He had smirked when you sighed, rolling your eyes and shoving the box towards him. “Steve mentioned you were ‘hankering’ for this. Technically i still have it for another four days but…i think if Dusty watches it one more time the tape will break. It’s all yours.” You hadn’t even waited for a thank you, already turning on your heel and walking away. Leaving Eddie with his mouth open, cig caught on his lip and smoke tumbling out of his mouth. He hated the way you left him feeling, all red in the face, heart racing, like an idiot.

“So, what’s the problem?”

Eddie was certain he hated you, was completely convinced of the fact that there was a high chance of you hating him too. But after the past few months, after being forced to actually spend more than the usual minimal amount of time with you, hate didn’t feel like the right word. You treated Dustin like a little brother, actually all the kids clearly looked up to you. You were always on time for picking him up, but never complained about staying a little later. Eddie found himself loving those sessions more than anything, sneaking glances at you as you watched wide eyed at the world of Hellfire. But he had hated you, all through school he had found every inch of you irritating. From the little crop tops you wore in summer to the grandpa jumpers that appeared in the winter. He had hated you for the way you made him feel. Setting him alight every time you were near, making his stomach twist and churn when you caught his eye, god help him if you ever spoke to him properly. And yet…and yet all that was changing. He hadn’t even realised it until Erica had made a pointed comment after catching Eddie drooling over you during one of the later Hellfire meetings. “Are you just gonna sit there all goo-goo eyed over Dustin’s babysitter or are we actually gonna play, I’m missing a key episode of MLP for this yknow?”

“It’s…complicated.”

A few days prior, Eddie had passed you on your walk home from work. He had been driving back from a gig at the hideout, his headlights illuminating the downpour as he slowly made his way back through Hawkins when he spotted you. You were drenched, hair sticking to you face, clothes practically moulded to your body, shoes sodden and squelching on the pavement. At first he had just drove past, only making it a few feet up the street before he reversed back down the road. Robin and Steve had taken the afternoon off to take Dustin to some science fair with Mike and Lucas. Leaving just you and Keith to lock up. Usually you were fine with that, but it left you with no ride home as on that particular day your own car was at the garage. A perfect storm, resulting in you having to brave the autumn downpour on the thirty minute walk home. “Are you crazy?!” Eddie’s voice had scared you, nearly making you slip as you turned to see him staring at you wide eyed from the safety of his van. Eddie watched you turned your face towards the sky, a soft smile taking over the weak frown on his face as you basked in the downpour. “Possibly!” You grinned as you yelled back, an awkward moment growing with you only getting wetter as Eddie struggled to find the words. “Are you offering me a ride or not Munson? Not that it isn’t lovely to chat but uh…” He barely nodded but it was enough for you to run round and jump into the passenger seat. Eddie had glanced at you, frozen and suddenly unaware as to what to even say never mind do. He worried he had forgotten how to drive under your stare. “Theres…theres a spare t-shirt in the back if you…want a dry one?” You had forgotten all about your wet clothes after getting into the warmth of Eddie’s van. The shock of realising just how see through your white crop top had gone making you laugh as you happily accepted a new shirt.

“How could it possibly be more complicated?”

The whole drive back to your house Eddie had felt..strained. He could feel your eyes on him, the gentle burning of them making the van feel uncomfortably warm. Every few seconds he let himself look at you, his breathe quickly being stolen as the sight of you wearing his shirt. A ‘Corroded Coffin’ shirt to be exact. He felt like his head was going to explode, and then you started talking and that only made everything worse. You were trying to fill the silence, not able to bare the awkward quiet. You were rambling, a habit you and Robin seemed to share. Going on about work, looking after Dustin, the latest project for English, whatever film you and your friends were going to see at the weekend. Eddie was drumming his fingers, scrunching his nose and dragging a hand through his hair as he forced himself to focus on the road. A frown on his face that he had perfected for when he was alone with you. “Sorry, am i annoying you Munson?” You had noticed more and more that not only was Eddie not listening but he purposefully was ignoring you. He had done this a few times in the past, but never so blatantly. Eddie was weird, but you had also seen the caring and lovable side of him over the weeks he had spent with Dustin. So why did you get the cold shoulder? For a second those hardened brown eyes melted to chocolate buttons, glancing over at you as if finally caught in the headlights. “You were rambling, and I’m…im trying to focus on the road so we don’t crash. I dont really want to die with you in the car, princess.”

“It’s just…theres…we uh…there uh…”

The lunch that had been sat in front of Eddie continued to grow cold. Gareths stare only hardening as he noticed a strange glazed look coat Munsons usual death cold glare. Eddie replayed the night in his head. The silence that followed his use of ‘princess’ , the painful wince that had flooded his system as he realised what he had said. The look on your face when he had finally worked up the courage to face you. Your face was hard to read, blank almost whilst trying to process what had just happened. Eddie Munson. Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson had just referred to you as princess, whilst he was giving you a ride home, wearing his bands shirt and from the smell of it, it had been worn by Eddie a few times over. The rest of the journey was haunted by a heated silence that came to a grateful end when the van came to a stop outside your home. Eddie remembered you’re stutter, committed it to damn memory as if one day it would save his life. “Thanks for the ride Munson, I uh, well i guess i owe you one.” There was a cheeky tinge to your words, only made clear by the small smile you sent his way. “I’m keeping this shirt by the way…until next time sugar.” Eddie had watched you walk into your house, his hands gripping the wheel with the might of Thor. He could practically hear his heart in his chest, feel the blood rushing around his body. He couldnt sleep that night, or the night after. He couldnt even focus on DnD. All he could think about was that little smile, the way you fitted his shirt like it already belonged to you, how normal it felt to have you by his side.

“Theres been a disturbance in the force of something man.”

Gareth dropped the sandwich he had been happily enjoying whilst Eddie stared off into the distance. He knew all too well what that meant for Munson. The freak was in some dangerous waters. And if the stolen glances you had ben sneaking over at Eddie meant anything, so were you.

[the-s1lly-corner]

angst m, n, o for pomni and/or gangle pleasee:3

Angst alphabet w/ Pomni (M,N,O)

YEEEEEAAAH ANGST ALPHABET!! i need to do better with promoting my alphabet stuff maybe ill reblog the posts for them every week or so idk.... for those who see this post you can find my alphabet posts linked at the bottom of the grand masterlist post in my pinned! prompts: misery, nightmare, opened notes: reader is GN CWs: grief, mentions of self termination thoughts via letting one abstract on purpose though its not dwelled on for long

MISERY

you had abstracted, and thats as good as being dead in the circus

one day you were here and the next you were a monster... can you blame her for being at least a little in shock after youre sent away by caine?

if she ever manages to pull herself back together, its clear that shes going to be changed forever by your absence- and its going to take a while for her to pretend to be fine

if she doesnt, and if she lets herself spiral, shes just going to abstract too

she wouldnt be lying if she said that idea seemed desirable, though

she would if she wasnt so scared, though

sometimes she stops by your door to talk to you, even though she knows shes never going to get an answer in return

shes angry with the situation, this isnt fair- you and her didnt know what you were getting into when you put your headsets on

the idea that you have family out in the real world who will never see you again, and will never know what happened to you only fuels her rage

at least it gives her motivation to get out, even if the chances of her finding your family is low

NIGHTMARE

she somtimes gets nightmares every now and then, much like the one she has in episode 2

they dont happen every night, but when she does have them she doesnt seek you out... youre sleeping, and she doesnt want to bother you

unless the two of you are sleeping in the same bed, shes going to leave you alone

and even then, being in the same bed doesnt mean all that much

you can ask her to talk about her dream, but shes going to gently reassure you that shes fine and theres nothing to worry about

with enough time to let her dreams wear her down, though, shes eventually going to spill to you

she doesnt exactly want comfort, she knows its not going to help all that much

so, offering a distraction may be best... you two typically end up staying in bed and just making small talk

OPENED

she doesnt do it maliciously, she doesnt even do it to try to win the argument... it just comes out, before she can stop the words from coming out but just because she didnt really mean to, it doesnt make the fact she hurt you any less apparent

she doesnt double down, instead she tries to backtrack- whatever the two of you were arguing about doesnt even mean anything to her anymore, she wants to undo what was done right now

she gives you time to collect yourself when it becomes clear that you need time, she gives one last "sorry" before giving you space

shes beside herself and shes disgusted with herself for using your insecurities and secrets against you in the argument, the moment you show some sign of being ready to talk shes going to let you know how horrible she feels for hurting you

she makes it clear that she didnt mean to hurt you, and shes going to do anything to prove that shes being honest

its going to take some time for the tenseness and awkwardness to fade away, but pomni is dedicated to making things work... though, thats not her call here is it?

[mailjeevasfan]

hi! love your work <3 can i request some headcanons about living with matt and mello (together) it can me romantic or platonic, i dont mind either way ! tysm :)

that pic came out so low quality for some reason

thank you so much :’) i tried to do a mix and include a little bit of romance for each but i’d say it’s mainly general/platonic. i reaaaaally self indulged here

-matt and mello x gn! reader

༺♡༻

living with matt and mello hcs ❦

matt

-messy asf. he doesn’t do it on purpose but he’s just so unorganised and has a messy room and just causes chaos wherever he walks. that being said, he does know where everything is which pisses mello off SO MUCH. mello also routinely berates him for his mess

‘matt, what the hell is this on the counter?’

‘umm… the end of a cigarette?’

‘WE HAVE FUCKING ASHTRAYS FOR A REASON.’

-he is probably the one who is at home the most. he doesn’t like going outside, he just sits in and plays video games or watches tv. he only does anything productive if he reaaally has to

-that being said, you have to drag him out sometimes to avoid him getting too depressed from just sitting doing nothing for days. if you can’t motivate him then mello will gladly accept the challenge and come through without fail.

-matt is deeply appreciative of how thoughtful you and mello are, as roommates but also as friends. how well you know him, how easy it is for you to see what he needs when he’s at his lowest. once, (probably when he was drunk) and falling asleep on your chest, he expressed this out loud for the first time and you almost wanted to sob at his words. he comes off as someone who’s always so casual and sometimes maybe even awkward, so hearing this was a shock but a good one.

-if matt isn’t sleeping or sitting on the couch playing video games, he is probably lying on the floor or just doing weird shit. i can imagine mello coming home and just seeing matt doing a handstand against the wall, watching something (5 minute crafts) on his phone on the floor.

-dyes his hair often and changes up his look very frequently, so very often you find yourself following the smell of cigarettes only to the open bathroom door and find matt looking like patrick bateman due to him washing off his hair dye in the sink (cigarette still lit in his mouth, it’s basically a party trick at this point)

-whenever you have to go out he drags you back to bed and holds you as tight as he can with a smirk on his face

-whether you’re a smoker or not, you often light his cigarettes for him and it ends up being a much more intimate gesture than you anticipated. mello tells you to get a room

༺♡༻

mello

-he’s out of the house the most between the three of you but that’s kind of a given. lots of work to do you know being in the mafia and all, that kind of casual stuff…

-idk where i’m going with this or how to even explain it any more, but he always makes a conscious effort to keep alcohol in the house at all times like he is always just coming home with a bottle of something

-has lots of cool rock/metal posters in his room and when he’s not in his usual leather clothes he’s wearing band tees (u and matt steal them frequently and he pretends to be mad)

-honestly i want to say (solely for comedic effect) that he absolutely despises the smell of cigarettes in the house. you’ve never seen desperation like the kind mello exhibits when he begs matt to PLEASE SMOKE OUT OF A WINDOW.

-there is 100% a designated cupboard that is full to the brim with chocolate. all the same brand, flavour, type, whatever. literally everything. it’s all identical.

-when he’s feeling down about messing something up, even if it’s the smallest thing, he gets really really emotional and will immediately go to his room. he probably doesn’t cry often unless it’s angry tears but he doesn’t want even his most trusted people to see him like that. however you always know what to do, you leave him be but then convince him that he should let out his thoughts later, in a kind way of course. matt also helps him to feel better at times but you’re definitely there to bring him his chocolate and give him lots of hugs and kisses. he doesn’t speak too emotionally, but i can imagine a very soft ‘thank you’ after you help him

-blasts metal at 9am. no further comments

༺♡༻

both/all three of you

-matt cuts mello’s hair and mello occasionally dyes matt’s. matt gets so into it he thinks he’s a little hairdresser. they’ve also given each other piercings, they have about a 40% success rate. they’ve offered to give you one but you very politely decline. you always have to supervise in these situations because god knows what is going to happen with these two

-it is extremely common to have mini sleepovers in each others rooms. this is another thing that matt just gets a little TOO into, he wants the full shabam. he’s looking for matching pyjamas, chick flicks on the tv, endless snacks, and pillow fights. by that i mean he just starts relentlessly beating you and mello with a pillow without warning

-matt likes to shake you and mello awake at an ungodly hour and declare that you are going for a drive. he never actually plans anything for these drives, sometimes you don’t actually do anything but you enjoy them nonetheless. however it is extremely hard to get mello out of bed at a time he hasn’t decided on.

-you do the cooking, purely for everybody’s safety. mello likes to think he’s gordon ramsay but he fucks up the most basic things. matt is just a natural hazard with most things

༺♡༻

[ganondoodle]

I just wanna say firstly that i adore your artwork and takes6on Zelda in general! Secondly, much as I wish you never had to deal with the frustrations of creating (especially when you tack on the stress of being on any kind of social platform), I'm glad you talk about your struggle. I've heard people talk about art block every day since I learned what Art was, but nobody ever mentioned "painting oneself into a corner". It's such an apt description that is so infuriatingly relatable that I had to stop eating to thank you for putting it into words. I really appreciate that you're willing to talk about your setbacks in a place like Tumblr, and still share your arts and thoughts. All the best from US of hellscape A, i hope you're doing well.

Thank you!

i used to call it artblock as well, its the most normalized term i guess; i randomly started calling it painting myself into a corner when i got stuck or frustrated on a painting bc welll, it sure feels like it, you painted the walls all around you and dont know how to get out now

it usually happens when i stop having fun and just draw what i want and instead keep subconsciously forcing myself into arbitrary rules; in my case its usually trying to be too perfect, i try to adhere to the sketch, i try to make every block of color have a perfectly clean edge, separate the drawing into way too many layers and am afraid to delete or erase anything, i tense up my whole body as frustration builds bc of impatience as this method of painting does not work for me at all and in the end lose motivation on it all and my nerves are stretched thin (i work best when i think as little as possible, just kinda loosely letting my hand do what it wants on few layers and no specific plan, after losing that its hard to get it back)

having those low moments with your art is normal as your skill grows, but even knowing so, and having gone through it countless times, it never stops making you feel like shit, and its especially frustrating when it happens when you just got enough time to work on stuff or have alot of ideas but you cant get it to work

(and funnily enough it also tends to happen after another work of mine got more attention than i thought .. even worse when it was just a sketch bc now i got the pressure on me to actually finish it and the fear of it doing worse once done looms over the whole thing- which doesnt mean i dont want people to interact with my wips, bc that also has an extremely demotivating factor to it bc it makes me think no one cares or it sucks and doesnt deserve the time i would need to spend on finishing it; also .. alot of my wips stay wips forever, which is fine, but like .. you cant always expect a finished tm version to happen)

i do find it a little funny you praise me for talking openly about it bc i am notoriously unable to shut up ever and only recently got better at NOT talking as much about it when i feel as shitty as this bc it doesnt really help anyone and gets annoying really fast xD (im also notoriously unable to not post absolutely everything bc i got no one to show it to and otherwise it will just collect dust on my harddrive so i might as well throw it out there no matter how much i might hate it, someone else might still enjoy it anyway)

and greetings back from the -not really much less of a hellscape- that is germany o/

[thetoaddaddy]

I dont think i ever really explained why I like the idea of Jiraiya living a more troubled/neglected childhood. Honestly I just like the juxtaposition of the rich girl from the most influential family, the tragic orphan full of resentment, and the white trash hick from the slums.

Have I hooked you? Long sorta in this essay I will type of explanation of my reasoning post. Trimmed so you don’t have to suffer through scrolling a big long post unless you volunteer to it. And I welcome reblogs with your own thoughts added to it or comments. I like having these kinds of discussions.

It makes for a fun dynamic and puts together three very different social classes that make up the Sannin and the most common 3 classes of society. Tsunade has everything from money, social status and livin in the rich how dare the neighbours put up an extra twinkle light we’re contacting the police neighbourhood. Orochimaru lost his family but lives fairly okay being a ward of the Hokage/state plus as a genius kid with potential to end the war with his big fucken brain and lack of empathy he would most likely be treated more special. Jiraiya hiding his money in the floorboards of his room cuz he knows his parents will steal it to buy into their addictions and he’s well aware no one really expects him to be nothing more than a failure.

Plus we don’t have any characters who have a troubled relationship with their parents in this way. Yeah we got dead parents and asshole cold distant rich clan expectations parent tropes. But not too much on poor and abusive. Which is weird cuz its pretty common to be low income with some garbage parents. (Not to say that’s the case all the time of course) Nor do we see much for alcoholism or similar addictions just ruining a family. The most he ever speaks about his parents in canon is that they were civilians. Kinda cold imo. Like I get that most likely kishi figured no one cares that much from where Jiraiya came from but that throw away line had me thinking and this headcanon came out.

So it’s pretty poetic that Jiraiya grew up full Glass Castle from a nothing neglectful civilian family and made something of himself with his own determination rather than being crutched with clan powers or high blood relations. He’s a nobody who proved people wrong and grew beyond his upbringing. His life we see on screen has always been pretty born under an unlucky star/he had to claw his way for anything he’s wanted and nothing was ever given to him. So it makes sense to me anyways that his early life was just as claw his way out from falling off the face of the earth. He could have just picked the easy way and not rise above being some drunk gutter rat that is just a direct product of his upbringing. But he focused on trying to get out rather than keep the cycle going. He picked the academy and proved he was not just above the curve but the grit he already had from surviving his broken home made for a determined courageous motherfucker. With that he became rich and renowned. All on his own.

I think that gives him more interesting motivation than the canon basically being ‘on my quest for pussy brb🏃‍♂️’ Like damn can we please uncreepy him kishi i stg. And I like to ignore his railroaded prophecy ass I must find my destiny stuff. That ruins his accomplishments. Honestly as a fairly empathetic person who grew up poor and hungry why wouldn’t he take pity on three war orphans and try to do good by them where he was never given that comfort? It’s far more compelling and interesting story than some crazy old toad told me to do it and I took those words so fucking literally it led the rest of my life.

I like to imagine he’s simply more wayward and never felt satisfied staying put(especially with all the horrible memories Konoha gives him). It also makes more sense for him to have this kind of chip on his shoulder over being some average guy who had an average upbringing. He can handle himself not just in battles but in dealing with the more uncomfortable situations like traveling through poor areas with the know how.

Like he knows how to speak crackhead and the slum folk clock him as one of their own. I wouldn’t call it street cred or anything. He just has the street smarts beyond that of an average person and it shows. Plus in some verses I like to think he travels hoping to find love as well. Can’t find one’s soulmate staying put in a village can they? ;)

Not every character has to be tragic I know. And this is just what I think. You don’t have to agree with me or accept my interpretations. He could have easily just brushed off the subject cuz he keeps people at an arms length. Which he does for the most part.

But I feel like with the Sannin era we were left with such well cooked and seasoned snippets that it became kinda frustrating that the rest was kinda undercooked or plain still in the damn deep freeze. So we get brain zoomies and try to fill in the big ass gaps. I want to know how three of the most interesting and important ninja of the shinobi world grew up. It’s fun to imagine and make these types of interpretations. Even if it is answered one day in a mini series or a book, I’ll still probably prefer what I and my moots cooked up. Cuz honestly we put more care and deep thought into these characters than kishi does at this point 😭

[cinnamonsly]

hey sly, when do you plan to open up your shop again? i accidentally lost the stickers i got from you and wanted to order more at some point :) (plus it never hurts to have more stickers!!)

ahhh i’m sorry to hear you lost them :,) i’d like to open the shop back up soon but i am still unfortunately just. so so low on motivation to do anything. unfortunately i dont think thats going to resolve any time soon seeing as this is usually about the time every year my mental health tanks a bit (where my seasonal depression homies at) so i apologize 😭😭 hopefully after the semester ends i can get back on that?? seeing as ill be in an off-semester and should have more time. sorry for the kinda not fun news ;_; ill definitely keep yall updated tho

[myaoiboy]

The Boss being John's emotional pillar and base to what he thinks relationships are supposed to be like/end up really fucks him up and i dont think people talk enough about that...

and yea she definitely slept with him at some point and all that, theres so many implications that she was more than one thing at the same time (master, mother girlfriend thing) and it just makes sense yknow? I wonder if part of his attraction to Ocelot is motivated by the fact he looks so much like her,,,, ouch

Anon you have no idea how much you fed my brainworms today lmao

Like, we definitely know the Boss and Snake were involved. We hear people talk about it on Mother Base in V, and when asked if she was his lover Snake doesn't deny it but says it was "deeper than that"

But ALSO Kojima literally said this:

so I mean idk maybe we're all crazy and The Boss would never fuck the kid she picked up as a replacement for the one the Philosophers stole, and we're the sick ones. lmao.

I love The Boss bc she really is this all-encompassing icon of femininity and nurturing (naive Maiden/mature Mother/wise Crone roles vs Lover/Mommy Figure/Mentor) while being completely untameable. You've heard of a domestic housewife? The Boss is a feral wildwife.

And then you bring me to the thing that I think is the most hair-pulling, teeth-grindingly tragic thing about Bosselot: the fact that they're just perpetually loving *past* each other. Big Boss wants a solution for his mommy issues, and Ocelot just wants to be seen and cherished, even used, for just a fucking taste of love and appreciation from Big Boss (that he doesn't even get in death, god i will cry about this forever).

The worst part is, Ocelot is by far the Boss's son that has the most inherent capacity to be most like her, but he has neither the environment nor the inclination to foster that in himself.

If he had ever listened to anything BB said, he would know that the fact that he lived with the Boss as an equal, someone who challenged him, was exactly why he loved her. He had the capacity to be exactly what BB wanted, but instead he went the low risk/low reward route of making (or trying to) himself indispensable as a tool, a weapon, an attack dog for BB to command, a possession instead of a partner.

But it's better to be appreciated by the love of your life for what you aren't than potentially lose them for what you are, right?

Also the same people who want to talk about how Bosselot is the better mgs3 ship bc of the mommy figure situation totally ignore the fact that that makes them like...adoptive brothers? Wouldn't be a Kojima game without a strong undercurrent of incest themes.

[skloomdumpster]

fic asks

Thank you @leadingrebel and @dr-lizortecho for tagging me!

·

How many works do you have on ao3? Between all my accounts I have 212 fics.

What’s your total ao3 word count? In skloomdumpster is 759,511 but in total of all my accounts is 909,749

What fandoms do you write for? Fate: The Winx Saga, Supernatural, Daisy Jones & The Six, Fast & Furious, Teen Wolf, Harry Potter, MCU, The Vampire Diaries, The Order (not anymore for the tiny ones)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

ABCDEF-U

You, Me and The Brickwall Between Us

On The Down Low

3 AM

Bait

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Nope, I always wanna respond but then I get the Anxiety and then too much time passed so answering now would be weird and rinse repeat for every single comment.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If we're talking just ending, then I'd say either Voicemail, Treacherous Nature or Meeting The Parents.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I write a lot of romcoms, so Not Mad About It, you make it look easy, On the down low

Do you get hate on fics? Nope, but sometimes I get unsolicited criticism.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes and idk what kind? Kinky stuff, love-making, hate fucking, bad lame cringy sex, you name it, I've written.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've written a Fast&Furious/SPN crossover oneshot that I really liked and a The Vampire Diaries/Teen Wolf one shot too, but I dont write crossovers anymore and it has to be really well set up for me to read one.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! And once they translated it from portuguese-br to portuguese-pt and that was very fun to follow.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep, plenty.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Skloom

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Anything Bloom comes to mind, because I just can't find the motivation. Between The Lines because I doubt anyone would be interested and I made my peace with it long ago. Cabin Fever because canon kinda fucked me sideways with this and I'm very into sticking to the canon.

What are your writing strengths?

Channeling characters motivations and voices. Writing the body language of characters.

What are your writing weaknesses? Writing group scenes, descriptions of mundane activities, graphic whump without falling into melodrama, making the world my characters are in feel real and not like a novela.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? All for it, and I dont think a translation is even necessary right next to it, if the context is strong enough to give us the understanding. Add the full translation at the end notes though.

First fandom you wrote for?

Narnia, I think. I wanna say Harry Potter, but I vaguely remember writing Chronicles of Narnia fanfic at recess in my little notebook.

Favorite fic you’ve written?

Toss up between: The Soft Animal of Your Body, A Merry Fucking Life, How The Night Changes, Once Broken and The Burned One

(sorry that's too many, but I do have 200 works let me be greedy)

[foxgod]

complaining

im being dramatic so disregard everything im saying but i dont think im meant to be an artist or have the title. i think i can draw okay but i have no technical skill and dont take it seriously enough not to mention all the stuff i wanna do, the stuff i spend all my time studying on, i havent even started doing. ive been needing to "start" these projects for the past 10 years and yet i cant even have the motivation to type out simple oc pages.

im not even saying "be an artist" in a professional sense but also a hobbyist. i dont feel spark in the process and everything gives me anxiety bc of perfectionism and the fact i should be way better at this age. i have such low enthusiasm for anything i put out bc i see AI accounts and art thieves rack up 100k followers in a week. i want to care deeply but i find myself loading up an art software, doodling, disliking what i see, and then just putting it away.

i used to do an art summary every year. this year is the first year to have gaps, multiple gaps, where i have nothing impressive to show or just downright nothing at all. ive built up so many ocs and worlds in my head that im still obsessed over, but its truly going to waste. i dont think im throwing in the towel, but i am at a crossroads. ive been having this feeling for like 2 years now and cant seem to make a decision on whether this is right or whether im fooling myself with big ideas. i remember growing up as a kid and wanting to join certain classes or clubs but soon enough when the time came nothing came out of it and i watch experiences pass me by. this is one of those times. *henry emily voice* end communication

[coldcrypt]

I'm marco, 26yo cis guy from UK. I got into weight loss because I wanted motivation to stop drinking around april 2022, and ended up bingeing and purging on avg 3 times a week for abt 6 months. I relapsed back into daily drinking (litre+ of vodka a day) and detoxed in hospital at the start of the year, but have been finding it really difficult to stop and stay stopped, so I'm back here. I've nearly died so many times recently from drinking and I just keep gaining/getting more and more swelling &bloating. If any alcoholics/bulimics have advice for someone who cant stop shovelling it in to get a sustainable deficit, I'd appreciate it a lot. My goal is to be safe about it, but I'm open to anything that works.

I'm experimenting with different methods of weight loss, sometimes fasting, sometimes rezzing, but am very inconsistent. I binge v often. This is not so much an accountability blog, more like recording what I've learnt and just venting. My bmi starting around may20th was 22 ish, was 5th june 20, 4th oct 22.5,and now 20.5 jan27th. Have to get it back to 20, but goal would be 18 with low body fat %. My main goal is to stop drinking and get healthier (thinner).

To do list:

get compression sleeves for running

Things that worked:

going to meetings make it much easier to abstain and think abt other things than food -> much easier rezzing

being distracted by things unrelated to food

having good food options for rezzing prepped, like boiled eggs, or having a solid stock of staples like steak, yoghurt, fruit and veg

not buying food that I will binge on, if I buy it, even if its not for me, I will eat it and get fat

taking longer routes/walking instead of getting train (energy, weather and mood permitting)

peppermint tea

keep it in the day. One day at a time really works, it just takes practise to get into mentally

supporting blood sugar throughout the day, especially if going out/socialising/towards the end of the day (when alc cravings pick up). This is best done with small amounts of carbs following a rly high protein 1st meal

Things that I was doing before but that didn't work out well:

taking K supplements (just eat s. potato for carb allowance, is filling too and has loads of K, stops palpitations when intermittent fasting)

pho, miso or gochujang as soup bases. They are too salty and lead to painful sluggish bloat.

Oyster sauce is not worth the cals

Diet sodas. Caffeine dependence builds really quickly and teeth need help

olive oil for sautéing vegetables. Pointless cals. Fats can come from lean meats like beef steak, eggs and occasional avo as well as omega3 supplements

fasting. At 18 hours I feel like I'm goin mental and at 22+ the palpitations make it uncomfortable to move around or do anything at all

strength training (esp core) at home without equipment. Dont enjoy it at all, not motivated at all

watching hours and hours a day of ED documentaries, scrolling ED tumblr, and watching hours of foodtube every day. Obsession -> binges

hard avoiding carbs. Leads to massive brain rot and feeling morbid. Can't do anything. Inevitable binges, usually alcohol, or 4000 cal of food.

sushi is not really worth it. White sushi rice is too sugary. Its usually a carb craving in disguise, or something to get on the go and is expensive.

weighing every morning just lead to trying to use caffeine as lax and more chaos on energy levels, or obsessing and not being distracted.

Press ups make my joints click a lot. Planking is really boring and doesnt feel rewarding.

Using sex for stim instead of food and cooking

Curious about:

feta, olives and cherry tomatoes for satiety.

Broccoli and mushrooms (annoying to prep or dont taste nice when boiled)

chicken sausages for cheap lean protein (think they can be a binge trigger or lead to mental scarcity feelings but not sure if worth)

ways to make cottage cheese not taste shit (cocoa powder is not cutting it)

cardio > strength training maybe. Runner's high > nothing from strength training (that I ever felt anyway).

Finding a way to enjoy strength training

yoga and stretching for stim

skipping breakfast has really mixed vibes. Can feel completely awful, but can also make rezzing much easier. Can also lead to binges in the evening (because there's unspent cals in the budget). Probably best to stick to eating breakfast but keeping it high protein and not eating right away when waking up.

Experiment with meds timings.

minced turkey or discount fish for lean protein variety

ways to make eating salad not miserable, cos it does work rly well for getting a deficit. (Maybe herbs and lemon and chickpeas? Make in bulk? Quinoa? Binge risk)

_____________

New plan from 4th Oct '23 can't be strict bc cant track exercise cals without a phone for looking at time spent walking and running so will need to do a gross-in instead of net- in quick basic (aspirational) plan:

1000 cal deficit/day for the next month -> 1500 gross in/day allowance

NO: baked beans, bone broth, oil, paté, pasta, alcohol, caffeine, quiche, cheese, instant snack food, pesto, chorizo, hummus, meal deal foods reason: too sugary or fatty for their worth in flavour. Cause binges every time when rezzing. Not filling enough. Caffeine leads to crashes and the pickmeup is usually food.

LESS: bread, onion, ketchup reason: can be useful carbs in a pinch, less likely to cause binges than above (because they are only accompanied with protein). Onion and ketchup help with mental scarcity and support good vibes

MORE: fruit, veg soup, sweet potato, tuna, s. noodles, fruit juice, avocado, egg, steak, quorn, butternut squash reason: sugar cravings need to be comboed with fibre addition, or fruit juice could be useful diluted for emergency alc cravings. Everything else is lean protein and should be frontloaded in the day. Sweet potato is there for potassium and low glycaemic index carbs. Avo and s. noodles are contentious bc of price and fat/nutritional value reasons

ALTERNATIVES TO EATING: gaming, reading, weighing, cleaning, brushing teeth, counting cals, weights, stretching, running, walking, meetings. mostly overeat because of boredom and to break monotony in free time or to stim. These are alternatives that work and also make rezzing easier in other ways.

[raspbeyes]

My speculation on motives (all possibilties)

Gonna be doing my take on the motives cuz i sure got a lot of thoughts!!

Also ofc content warning for topics of suic*de and self-h@rm, please click off if these topics are triggering for you

Now most have been revealed, here's the most updated scoreboard from episode 11

(srry if it's low quality) Anywayyy we are now down to five secrets yet to be revealed. However, the reason i mentioned "possibilities" is not just cuz the secrets we have left can apply to multiple people, there is also the consideration that david could have lied about his motive.

David goes out of his way to answer last, choosing to collect everyone's secret beforehand. The story goes out of its way to show David's hesitance, which means it is signficant. Moreover, he chose xander, someone who cannot defend themselves. It is very possible he wanted to check if anyone would reveal xander's motive before he can say xander. Finally, with the reveal of his manipulator motive, the possibility of him lying has increased.

Ofc that is speculation, but i do feel there is reason to doubt david's claim of xander having the "mastermind-y" secret. So i will go down the list under the assumption that the current scoreboard is correct AND if the current scoreboard is incorrect (as monotv said, these aren't correct, just what is agreed upon)

(edit from later, if you just want my conclusions, then just scroll to the end lol)

David Didn't Lie, The Scoreboard Is Correct:

To recap, people's secret we DONT have rn are: Teruko, Hu, Levi, Min, and Veronika

The people who refused to reveal the secrets they have are Hu and Veronika, while Xander, Min, and Arei are incapable of doing so (Idk why ughhhhh how uncooperative)

Secret In Min's Possession - The owner of the secret blames themselves for the death of the siblings and parents, feeling survivor's guilt

Teruko: Not possible. They are an orphan, and they seem to have only one sibling, which is the brother who left them. Teruko already divulged their family situation, so this does not line up

Hu: Unlikely ... Though we have not heard of anything of Hu having siblings (as far as I am aware). We do know of her parents, which is where she gets her butterfly motif from, but again, with no mention of siblings, it is unlikely

Levi: Likely. Out of the five, this can be the most likely. Levi has spoken of a mother, father, and brothers. He claims to be disowned , which can work as a cover for hiding the fact they might be dead, explaining why he lives alone

Min: Unlikely, since we have heard nothing of her having siblings, only her parents during the bonus ep.

Veronika: Possible. I don't believe we learned anything about Veronika's family, so the possibility is always there.

Secret in Xander's Possession - The owner of the secret is highly competative, going so far to poison their rivals

Teruko: Not possible. She's a lucky student, so she does not have a talent to compete against others. And from her personality, she doesn't seem to be a very competitive person

Hu: Possible. Her talent is something that can be put up against others, so competition may be something she faced. However, like Teruko, she does not seem to be a competative person at the moment, quite the opposite it seems

Levi: Not possible. Levi mentions that his talent is something he has taken up recently. Moreover, he's a personal stylist, so his field of work probably won't require competitions

Min: Likely. Her talent is of her being the best academically, which is a competative field (can school be considered a field???) Though we don't see her being competative, unlike Hu, she doesn't seem incapable of it

Veronika: Not possible. Her talent is being a horror fanatic, so unless it's her having some sort of "nerd-off" at a horror convention, I can't imagine her dealing with competition for her talent

Secret in Hu's Possession - The owner of the secret feels the need to self harm for fun, taking on the talent as a distraction. Since this belongs to someone alive, we also need to consider why Hu would want to keep it to herself.

Teruko: Possible, as she is wounded and has numerous bandages covering her arms and legs, which could be to hide s*lf-h@rm scars. With her previous life situation being so miserable, she has a good reason to take up talent as a distraction. The only issue is the phrase "for fun", and Teruko doesn't seem like she enjoys any of the wounds and injuries she's gotten, since she does try to avoid being injured when possible.

Hu: Not possible. I cannot imagine Hu doing something like that for fun. Moreover, Hu says during the first episode of chapter 2 that she has received someone else's secret, so she could not have recieved her own secret

Levi: Unlikely. He did take his talent recently, and he does have a dangerous past. However, he's described to have a "serious" nature, so for him to do something like that "for fun" is very low.

Min: Unlikely. Similar to Levi, Min has a very serious personality, who always seems focused on studying to go do something for fun. Procrastinate, maybe, but not for her amusement.

Veronika: Likely. Veronika mentions that her main motivation in life is not morals or ethics, but just pure entertainment and excitement. Out of the five, she is the least serious character, which lines up with the description with "fun".

I wonder why Hu would keep this a secret. All I can think of is that she is disturbed by it?? We see in episode 11 that she agreed to David's plan of sharing secrets and yet she refuses to disclose Veronika's (or whoever it may be). But Hu does say she wants to get through the trial without revealing hers, thinking it may not be needed. To me, kinda like Whit's refusal, Hu just doesn't want to expose someone.

Secret in Veronika's Possession - The owner of the secret is suicid@l, having been exposed to death before, and then attempted three times after. This secret belongs to Veronika, and honestly, there's not need for speculation. She's keeping it hidden because she thinks it is exciting.

Teruko: Likely, as Teruko has spoken of methods of hanging previously, making comments that imply she has experience. Her inability to be killed as she mentioned to Xander in ch 1 due to her extreme luck can explain "dying once" as Teruko having a near-death expereience and miraculously making it out alive . Coupled with her outlook that bad luck is ineviteble, she has likely been in the mindset to make several attempts

Hu: Not possible. Due to the broadness of this secret, it can be anyone who has experienced something like this, even someone as responsible as Hu could be ashamed of something like this. BUT, it cannot be hers if her hidden quote is related to her secret. It emphasizes Hu's will to live, meaning the opposite of this secret.

Levi: Possible. He does have a past he does not want to talk about, meaning whatever it is is negative, and he could have wanted to escape it.

Min: Possible, as it is broad and u never know when it comes to a secret of this nature

Veronika: Unlikely. I am only saying this since this is the one she possesses, and as far as I am aware, nobody received their own secret.

Secret in Arei's Possession - The owner of the secret is a killer without remorse.

Teruko: Possible. Teruko mentions that she has numerous shameful secrets. Though she does claim to have the knife armed in self defense, it still shows she has the capability of being violent. Another thing to mention about this motive is that it says nothing about the vicitm, who could have been maybe far less innocent than we might think

Hu: Possible. Judging by Min's unwillingness to reveal her secret (Even David questions if it is worse than his in ep 11), Hu's being something such as killing could be recontextualize her action. Again, it is possible this supposed vicitim isn't all too innocent themselves. Moreover, in her hidden quote, Hu (supposedly) affirms what she "did" by saying she wants to live, which can line up to having no remorse. Though, hidden quotes don't always parallel the secrets (I actually stumbled on another piece of evidence that i think is major later on but just scroll down to the next section to read abt it)

Levi: Unlikely. I'm only saying it is unlikely due to Levi telling Eden at the start of ch 2 that he wants to be a "good person" from his past, which could potentially be showing remorse. If that is the case, then Levi may not fit the description of "no remorse". Then again, in his hidden quote, Levi refers to his past actions as "heartless", so I'm not too sure

Min: Not possible. Judging by how she acted during trial 1, I can definitively say that Min cannot be a cold-blooded killer. She has expressed a lot of regret on killing Xander, so to have her somehow do something like that in her past makes no sense.

Veronika: Possible. Though I think Veronika is more to watch a murder without shame than to commit one herself. But that's just from my understanding.

David Did Lie, The Scoreboard is Incorrect:

If David did lie about Xander's secret, then I think it's pretty obvious what Xander's actual motive is, which is the motive Min has. Since this whole possibility hinges on David lying, then if someone alive had Xander's motive, they would have said something if David had claimed he had Xander's motive.

That leaves two possibilities of Xander's actual secret, either Arei's or Min's, since both are dead. And Arei's can immediately be excluded, as we see first hand in ch 1 how Xander reacts to killing Teruko, aplogizing right away and saying he not only hates murderers, but that he also hates the smell of blood. While that is somewhat shakey ground to argue on, since we don't know if he only regrets killing Teruko, there is also stronger evidence that min's secret is his. His hidden quote is "survivor guilt", which lines up perfectly with the description of the secret min has. His bonus episode also matches up with that description.

So Xander's secret is the one Min got. Working backwards, Min's is probably Xander's. If you look back up on the possibilities I made, the only two that could work for Min are the "poison" and "hopeless". While hopeless can be possible since we dont have proof saying otherwise, the poison one is the only one min can logically have.

Tho i also speculated it could be Hu. However, min doesn't match any others while Hu could, so I'm giving it to Min.

That leaves four more now: Teruko, Veronika, Levi, and Hu. I'm going to just say that Veronika's is the one about taking on a talent. Like I said previously, none of the other three seem to do something like that "for fun" and Veronika is the least "serious" of the group, so only that secret can fit Veronika.

So that leaves Teruko, Levi, and Hu with the secrets of "murderer without remorse" (Arei's), "hopeless child" (Veronika's), and "the reason for the killing game" (David's).

I'll start with the murderer one. Arei only mentions it once during the flashback in ep 11, saying it's none of david's business what secret what she got. Which ... isn't too helpful. Going over hidden quotes, Teruko's seems to refer to more to her mindset rather than secret, Hu speaks about not regretting a choice she made, citing it as a life or death situation, and levi speaks about his heartlessness. Again ... not too much help.

I decided to scan ch 2 of arei's interactions with these three, if she had any. She does speak to teruko during ep 4, and seems just as abrasive as always to teruko, calling her dumb. And in episode 5, she scoffs when eden and teruko walk into the playground. So I'm going to say that teruko is going to be marked off this list.

Though, she didnt have any interaction with levi or hu, i'll mention one thing. During her last appearance in episode 7, i remember finding it weird that arei gets her silent line of "..." here right after ace says to hu, "Oh, okay, taking sides with the murderer, I see! How admirable of you, Hu!". Now levi is also in the cafeteria at this time, so i could be wrong BUT ... for the creator to finally bring up arei right here should make whatever ace said about hu being important.

So i'm going to now say that hu in fact has the murderer secret. It could make david's line of saying that hu's secret being worse than his be foreshadowing. It also can explain why Hu, as david pointed out, agreed to the idea of sharing secrets but hypocritically doesn't speak about hers. It adds to her defending nico, as perhaps the person hu supposedly killed was cruel to her and may have threatened her life, so she feels no remorse for killing in self defense. she likely sees nico's attempt on ace's life to be similar to her case.

BUT! I'm not saying that hu is the killer in this case. MAYBE. But just cuz she has this secret doesn't inherently mean she manipulated nico into killing or that she killed arei.

Okay so that leaves Levi and Teruko with the secret veronika has and the secret david has.

Now teruko can have either reasonably, though I'm not too sure about Levi's. While mastermind Levi does sound cool, i just dont think he will have something like that narratively (but u never know). So I'm going to say that Levi has the hopeless child one and teruko has the "reason of killing game" one.

There is some good reason to think it is teruko's since the first scene we get is of an unknown figure wanting teruko dead. She has connections to Mai Akasaki, a mysterious figure connected to the killing game somehow. In ep 11, David tells teruko to spill his secret, possibly implying he knows (but he can also just want to have something over teruko or just distract others). Again ... it's shakey evidence.

Though, I don't want to call this the mastermind secret, as it only says the owner of the secret is the catalyst, not actively monitoring, the killing game

Levi is mentioned having a "dangerous past", which could refer to a near-death experience. It is clear his family life was not healthy, so that adds to the descriptor of being a "hopeless child". His hidden quote is

I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.

Heartlessness could be in refrence to making an attempt, where he could potentially be feeling guilt for not thinking of others?? It's definetely an enigmatic quote, as he is claiming his actions that will define him are an "excuse". So are these actions good or bad?? I'm not sure.

TL;DR

If David is not lying:

Dead Family [Min?] -> Levi

Poisoned Competition [Xander?] -> Min

Talent For Distraction [Hu?] -> Veronika

Hopeless Child [Veronika?] -> Teruko

Murderer W/O Remorse [Arei?] -> Hu

If David is lying:

Reason For Killing Game [David?] -> Teruko

Dead Family [Min?] -> Xander

Poisoned Competition [Xander?] -> Min

Talent For Distraction [Hu?] -> Veronika

Hopeless Child [Veronika?] -> Levi

Murderer W/O Remorse [Arei?] -> Hu

[coconox]

honestly been going back and forth w myself on a lot of things lately attaching a read more for the sake of ik i'll be rambling like theres no tmr

a part of me wants to drop pnc but i havent really gotten everyone i wanted yet + im broke so i need to build my stash up *looks at clotho and eos* oddly enough pnc has been a game ive been pretty happy on playing still hate how i missed a login day tho tbf ive rarely borderline never interacted w the fandom so me just being in the dark w what goes on there has kinda been a blessing and a curse in a sense that i can enjoy the game in peace but it feels like im alone doing so

pgr im really REALLY tempted on dropping my glb acc, once nocti comes around which will prob be around the end of the school yr for me thats where i'd be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ welp ig im done and drop that acc after playing around w nocti and whatev. tw im still not too sure abt?? prob when i get around to lvling up my main teams i can be like ok im done and drop that at any time since im just there to experience content ahead of time without being in cn directly

before dropping pgr entirely i do wanna complete a few stuff i had in mind tho

countdown for hyperreal which will prob happen bambi patch

still need to finish that nocti countdown for tw ive barely had any motivation completing that

nocti's bday countdown (similar to how lee's went)

glb nocti's countdown

draw every char up to latest one in cn

a few noctiskk comics thats been in the back of my head for MONTHS now

basically LOTS of countdowns and nocti stuff before i drop everything entirely

will i still draw pgr stuff after all that? mayyybeee???? itll moreso be towards kye's lore building rather than it being a standalone thing. i'll still collect merch and build up my shrines and make cosplay for chars but aside from that i'm pretty much gonna be moving on to other things

ive always had 50/50 feelings w being in the pgr fandom, tho being introduced to it on disc and then going to twt may have affected my views on this whole thing. esp when the side of the fandom i was first introduced to is like the lowest of the low, i dont want to go back to a place where a bunch of dudebro incels made fun of me for being afab and liking lee and me thinking that was a norm when it clearly isnt. its been 2 goddamn yrs and theyre still poking fun at that?? like my god grow up im so sick and tired of it.

if by a slim chance i still want to participate in being in the pgr fandom i'll just go back to lurking like ive always done in prev fandoms, if i really wanna be active in talking abt the game i'll talk abt it in servers or dms, but publicly i felt that i could never really comfortably talk abt how i feel abt it aside from here cause this site >>>>>> bc i felt like my opinions arent valid, tho that really applies to anything i do so 💀💀

pgr has been a really nice game for me to destress and detach myself from reality for a bit, tho now i wanna move on to other games and focus more on my ocs like i did back in the day. once i properly set up everyone's lore doc maybe in the future i'll make a game around them, nothing too big since i'll pretty much be making most of it, but i kinda wanna fulfill my childhood dream that was just recently unlocked

theres also that small part of me that wants to be known for my oc stuff rather than pgr stuff, but bc im not tagging w popular art tags im kinda just existing, and thats fine by me. hitting 500+ follows on twt was like peak realization of me going like "oh shit, 😨 maybe this big of a following aint for me" and it truly isnt lol

[our-inspire-verse]

Simon speaking! 6 days since i formed. I thought since everyone has been begging me in the system to talk on here that i would update or something.

My name is Simon Petrikov, i am a fictive from Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake specifically. I don't know how my story ends and I'm excited to see the finale on screen in a couple weeks or. Whenever. I'm not sure what to include first.

Um, i know that I'm a subdued energy in the body, and when i do feel a rise, it's usually from anger. When someone like Mitten gets intense, it's joy or love. I've noticed i have a lot of sadness and anger. Not to say "I'm a sad angry alter" or "i can't be happy" because. That is one major difference from my source so far. My overall voice and behavior is similar, but i dont come from a, what i call a self-tragic place. A sort of negativity that ruins anything for myself, self hatred, hatred of the world around me.

I'm so lucky to be in the system I'm in, i can recognize it. Existence has been incredibly hard. Being in a body with its pros and cons, being in this dimension, this lifetime, this vessel and world. And yet, i share this system and body with Zim. With Mitten and Kiba. These beings of warmth and love and light, that's basically just. Their whole thing, and they practice it and learn it and take pride in it. I'm a tired old man, i think that's my system role. Probably why Alder and Zim latched on the way they did those first days. Probably why I'm so. Low energy? Lax? Monotone?

Strange. But im settling in. Soon, i should dare to draw myself a new simplyplural profile. Drawing is surprisingly easy these days. I assign myself to work an hour, and i do. Mitten is so entranced by it that she rarely speaks up. I ask her about it, and she shakes her head and trails off, responding in some muted positive way. Watching. I'm not sure about her, just in the way that i don't know what her actual motives and hopes are. What is she going to do next? Who is she really? What is she going to BE next?

Anyway, this isn't about her, it's about me. I'm happy to be here. I think i finally, sorta comprehend existing on this plane, in this meat. It's good. Not everything is perfect, and there's some pain and grief i have to watch over for the others while im here, but it is nothing comparatively. I can handle this. And i have Mitten, Zim and Kiba for the ride.

[oscar-piastri]

Hey Cass I know you are a creative genius (I mean it) but when you have zero inspo for graphism and design where do you go ? Do you have some Web sites you recommend ? Artists ? It is so difficult to do Something neat for sports it is way more niche than cinema I think just to find correct pics quality that will be eaten by instagram quality anyway..... 😭💦 I am crying in comic sans ms

I don't really follow much artists on social medias but when i feel brain dead i do:

use pinterest for inspiration, i can use it for background/composition or even a text effect.

sometimes I just take my old edits and recreate them with new assets.

i look at the teams social medias and try to challenge myself by recreating some of their posts but making it my way.

for my melvyn post about game day, i had no inspiration and just had his picture, and i just played around photoshop, trying different stuff until i liked the results

or i just do minimalist edits, because they dont require much creativity. my last LRZ edit is very simple but it does the work

I actually enjoy editing sport more than anything else, because as much as the content is low or faces are just..... not it.... i feel more creative on it with the teams colors, objects that reminds of the sport n stuff like that

now i'm gonna tell u my secret: i'm brain dead 3/4 of the month, not motivated to edit or not inspired and I end up inspired for 4 days and edit in mass during these days and just forget to post them. (i even have gifs made in early february i never posted)

fbezibez i hope that can help because i've been working on an edit for 2 days and so far i just cut out the picture and didnt do anything else cuz idk what to do

[sovpologist]

Lightfall Review: TLDR

Read my full review here!

Best parts of the story:

Zavala immediately squashing the "The Traveler tried to abandon us" hot take by explaining that it went to confront the Witness at the end of Seraph. Like I felt like this was obvious but some people want the Traveler to secretly be evil so badly they'll use anything as proof

Osiris launching himself in a Cabal drop pod

Nimbus and Osiris bickering

Caiatl coming to help us and Nimbus thinking she's hot

Calling down orbital strikes

Neomuna being an Ishtar Collective colony (science wives Maya Sundaresh and Chioma Esi were alive! And thriving!)

Osiris' theory that Light = material/physical and Dark = mental/immaterial

And how this would build/add onto Ikora's theories about pain, forgiveness, and memory and why the Light forgets but the Dark remembers

The Witness taking control of Ghost to get to the Veil

There's precedent for this in the Vow raid lore; plus the Witness/Darkness has influenced/taken control of Ghost before. It also always seemed too good to be true that Ghost and the guardian could spy on the Witness with no issue but that connection didn't go the other way around

Worst parts of the story:

Amanda being on the front lines of the battle despite being a civilian non guardian??? and later in defiant battlegrounds devrim even has a line about how he and amanda cant be on the front lines bc they dont have lives to space so why was she there in the first place?

Osiris seeing the Witness touch the Traveler, leave, and immediately guessing that the Witness 1) saw the Veil 2) is going to get it right now

The Veil and the Radial Mast in general

Rohan's death being obvious from a mile away and him not getting enough screentime that wasn't draped in "I'm definitely going to die soon" red flags to actually be able to get attached to him

"Let's stand perfectly still in the dark!" -Mara, Zavala, Elsie, Ikora

Overall:

Story: 4/10

Pros:

Lots of mystery going into "Final Shape"

Strong aesthetics + vibe

Post-campaign content is largely better written and more engaging

Cons:

Breakneck pacing

Poor motivations

Lack of setup

Overutilization of MacGuffins

Rapid, jarring tonal shifts

Obvious, guessable deaths

Stakes are supposed to be high but feel low

No payoff

Bungie telling people who are confused or unsatisfied to buy the year's seasons and play them to get answers… Expansions should be mandatory to understand seasons. Seasons should not be mandatory to understand expansions.

Characters: 6/10

Pros:

Fun new characters

Interesting character interactions

Cons:

Underutilized existing characters

Gameplay: 8/10

Pros:

Difficult but not oppressive content

Strand is massively fun and engaging

Interesting, well-designed missions

Lots of opportunities to use/experiment with Strand during main campaign, meaning putting together a build post-campaign is easier

Strand is much easier to unlock than Stasis, which was a huge pain

Replayable activities in Neomuna

Cons:

Some of the "secrets" on Neomuna are not really secrets (Vex disruption, Cabal ammunition, disrupting transmission)

Post campaign content with great lore (yay) is largely patrol based (nay...)

Will need to see the longevity of Neomuna + how it shakes up in the long run; Savathun's throne world had some things to do for leveling/unique replayable missions right after the campaign but a season or two later they were essentially worthless, meaning there was no reason to go back

QOL Changes: 9/10

Pros:

Simplified mod system

Ada-1 sells shaders now!

Loadouts!!!

Mod building screen!!!!

Commendations are fun

Artifact mods are intrinsic

Artifact is free to reset

Power system less relevant

More ways to stun champions

Cons:

Guardian ranks system is underwhelming, just another list of tasks to check off

Lore being moved to triumphs is a bad design choice IMO; I much preferred being able to read it on the same screen I unlocked it