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winterarmyy · 1 year ago

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Welcome Home, Daddy

The aftermath of when Bucky accidentally relapsed into the Winter Soldier.

Summary: Bucky was over the moon when he discovered that Y/N was pregnant with his child. But, when the danger that lurks in dark threatened to steal his family away, a fellow soldier decided to come home.

Note: Highly recommend to read 《 Welcome Home... Soldat? 》 for backstory. But, you can also read this as a stand alone (though you might miss some call backs on the soldat's behaviour if you skip)

Pairing: winter soldier!bucky x female!reader

Words: 7.1k++ (bare with me, please)

Warnings: graphic violence, torture, blood, gore, deaths, dark undertones, sudden fluff, tiny bit of angst, google translated russian, and just so much detained anger exploding around, soldat is just deadly yet adorable in this one (i can't even handle it, and i'm the author), this event takes place far in the future after what happened in 《 Welcome Home...Soldat? 》

A/N: Looks like we have the winner for the poll 👀 Who's ready for our lovely soldat to make his appearance again? I know I'm not, but here we are. So, strap in and let's do this!

P/S: Also, I might as well make this as my submission for the seven writing event hosted by @nickfowlerrr 💌 Check out the event masterlist and support the writers by reading and reblogging their stories!

Read my other works here: Masterlist

They say the wrath of a fighter may threatened a heinous war but the wrath of a lover will let the earth drenched in bloody gore. And if a fool was daft enough to tore a lover from his other half, then they might just court themselves right into the hands of death.

And this couldn't be more true, especially if we consider the crime that the soldat was currently committing. Surely, the blood pooling on the floor will forever leave a grim mark that'll haunt the people who ever witness it.

"Where is she?" the soldat prompted the frail woman, limping on the chained chair. Despite the horrid situation, he sounded rather calm when he spoke.

How unfortunate it was for Elle to be associated with Hydra yet to also be so exposed to the dangers of the ghost himself, the Winter Soldier. Hydra may have their suspicion about the soldat making a move, but she didn't expect that she would be involved in the mess of this ordeal.

The cold metal of the soldat's vibranium fingers, particularly his index and thumb, latched themselves on another one of her nails. Her mouth slacked open but no sound was able to be formed when the soldat mercilessly ripped her nail right off her finger.

And oh, the pain was beyond any kind of injury that she had ever experienced, not a even a bullet through her flesh could be compared to this agony of a torture.

He harshly grabbed Elle by the back of her neck, forcing her to watch the blood leaking from the reddened flesh of her fingers, "I asked you a simple question, су́ка (bitch). Where the fuck is she?" The soldat's patience had been running thin and rage had clouded his judgements.

He needed to find her. His precious Родная (darling).

No matter whose neck he needed to slay or whose blood that have to be shed dry. He had to bring his darling home; no matter what it takes.

Unfortunately, it had been almost a month since he lost her.

And no one saw it coming.

Who would've thought that the old Hydra compound that the team raided were meant to be a part of a plan to weaken the Avengers. It was just a distraction filled with unexpected traps and triggers. By the time they flew home, the team were already tired and injured as the result of the raid.

So imagine the desperate struggle and utter panic that Bucky had to go through the moment he stepped his foot into the comfort of their home and had to witness Y/N's exhausted figure fighting for her life.

Hers and the baby's inside.

After hitting the 2 months mark of pregnancy, Bucky decided that Y/N shouldn't be involved in any high stake mission anymore. At first, she only laughed to his statement, thinking he was surely joking but when his stern expression didn't flatter, that was when she reliazed Bucky was not open for negotiation.

Y/N knew it was way too early to settle into her maternal leave but after having a long conversation with Bucky, they both agreed to keep her missions strictly on low-risk stakeouts and desk works at the tower.

It was supposedly be some kind of a precaution for her, to keep her and the baby safe, away from any type harm that might come their way. But, that certainly back fired.

When Bucky's burning anger had pumped him full with high stream of adrenaline, it was as if he went into an auto pilot; a murderous one at that. And soon enough he managed to take down half of Hydra's best agents that joined the mission of collecting Y/N from the tower.

For a moment, it seemed like luck was on their side, at least it felt like it.

It lasted only until Bucky saw how harsh the kick of the enemy landed on Y/N's hip, and how she managed to shield her stomach seconds before her body slammed down to the ground.

That was when fear crawled into his pumping nerves and the roots of it ran extremely cold.

And that was all it takes for Hydra to distract Bucky then immobilize him on the spot with a replica of the Sonic Taser developed by Stark Industries a few years back.

Bucky grunted painfully in protest of the high pitched sonic frequency from the device that overloads his nervous system. His body couldn't help but to slowly paralyzed its movements as his skin turned pale and the strain in his blood vessels became visible.

On the opposite side, Y/N could be seen being forcefully dragged away by a few of the Hydra agents that was left. There were couple of nasty injuries torn all over her body yet she was still stubborn on fighting back.

While she was being pulled farther away from him, she shouted his name loud and desprete, "Bucky!" Hot tears broke from the corner of her eyes as she desperately reach out her hand.

It felt as if she was right there when Bucky's hand was reaching back towards her. Like, a little bit of a push would've been enough to catch her but alas fate was not planning to be merciful.

Bucky's menancing eyes never left her wavering ones as Hydra tortured Bucky by stealing a part of his soul from him; and no one really knew how his heart clenched and torn to the fact that he was helplessly useless when Y/N needed him the most.

And when he only managed to scream back Y/N's name, he was forced to watch her wailed as she was unwillingly being taken away.

The moment when Bucky drowned himself in regret and rage, that was when the Winter Soldier took over his consciousness.

Unfortunately for the soldat, his mortal body was already worn out from all the intense fight that happened prior; he was knocked out right after he took over the body.

But in those few seconds before the darkness consumed him, the soldat managed to catch a glimpse of his darling. He saw the image of her; teary and bruised in the hands of those who created him. The very same monsters who uses him for despicable things.

That was all that he needed to see in order to break those chains around the dark pandora residing deep within his being.

The team was absolutely not ready to deal with the soldat again, this time without Y/N to tame him. Especially when his demands were unrealistic for them to fulfill.

It's been nearly 3 weeks since the incident and they had failed to locate Y/N; repeatedly. Even if they did manage to get some kind of an intel, all the of bases they had raided were basically bunch of abandoned spaces that Hydra used to occupy.

So of course the soldat was agitated. He had every right to be, more so when he thought of the increasing risk of his darling getting hurt in the hands of Hydra. And at this point, those scumbags were just messing with their minds. Especially with his.

"Listen, we're doing our best here, soldat." Steve tried to reason with him but it only fueled the burning flames within the soldat, "ты делаешь недостаточно! (You're not doing enough!)" He spat harshly that he didn't even noticed that he uses Russian language. It seemed like the unkempt irritation had conquered the chaos of his mind.

So that very night, the soldat decided to do this on his own; thus he ran away from the tower in search for his darling. He had to. Especially when he knew precisely why the Avenger was not able to find Y/N as quickly as they should be.

It was because they were the good guys. They were the heros, they were the light. And the soldat was not. In fact, he was the very opposite.

Unlike the Avengers, the soldat was not planning to play nice and soon enough he managed to find a lead.

Which bring us to this very moment in which he successfully snuck into a Hydra agent's home to interrogate her.

But, in contrast of those Hydra troops that attack the Avengers Tower a few weeks ago, Elle was not even involved in the mission of retrieving Y/N. She was actually on a solo mission to infiltrate a certain high school to collect informations on Peter Parker. Hydra suspected that he might be involved with the new hero appearing in Queens.

However, even if she was not a part of the team mission, she knew bits and pieces of the overall plan, especially the whereabout of the main character herself, Y/N.

However, the appearance of the Winter Soldier in her temporary house was completely unexpected.

It felt like it was just few moments ago that the intel on Y/N's location reached her ears. Then, she distinctly remember the glimpse of those murderous eyes glaring into her soul. Next thing she knew was everything went pitch black.

Even if it was temporary, however it felt so surreal.

The darkness surrounding her.

The bone rattling cold.

It felt like death itself.

But unfortunately for her, the soldat was far from stopping.

Elle was fraying at the edges while the soldat crouch to her level. Even if she could barely reconstruct the unclear and blurry images through her dazed eyes, however, that didn't stop the soldat from maiming the dying woman's soul through his unforgiving gaze.

"Wake up..." he growled as he yanked her face upwards, "...we're not done yet."

It took a while for Elle to finally adjust to the light, after being in the dark for – how she felt like – so long.

After the light hits her vision, the striking pain came next. The pulsing pain surrounding of her right eye, her broken nose, her busted lips, her bleeding skin; neck, chest, arms, and almost every part of her limbs.

Everything were – slowly but surely, in each cuts and bruises on her skin – blooming its pain into existence.

How can she skipped all of this when she lost her consciousness?

Perhaps that was how she managed to stay alive as long as she had. By running away from the misery; from her reality.

Elle whined in pain but her voice suggested that she might already torn her throat apart when it sounded more like a broken grunt. Her disoriented gaze fell into her aching fingers, each were missing its nail; the tips of them was where the icky blood trickled from and had shaped a pool of blood on the floor where she rested.

The dim lighting from the room reflected on the surface of the deep-red puddle, revealing the resemblance of it to a mirror. And the blurry image looking back, was the soldat, with a sinister expression on his face.

This game, that they're playing.

It hardly seems fair to one of them. To be tortured if not speaking the truth? That's simply unjust; but if we're talking about fairness, then none of those injuries could ever be compared to the pain Y/N might be going through at this very moment. Every second of Elle's useless stubbornness was costing Y/N's safety.

And the soldat didn't like that. Not one bit.

"You mentioned Spain? Where exactly?" In one swift, harsh motion, the soldat thrust his knife through her thighs, "FUCK!"

The loud scream of pain that tore from Elle's throat was probably the last coherent word that she uttered as the torture continued.

The soldat pulled the knife out and stabbing it into the open wound, he listened to Elle's gasp for a moment, relishing her breathless pleading and the tears now openly streaming down her face.

He stabbed again, twice, each was quick and deep, not caring about the blood that spurted out across his face.

At this point Elle was just a puddle of blabbering mess; streams of saliva pouring out her mouth, sobbing, gasping for air; mixture of grunts, moans and whispers of curses and pleas were all spouted incoherently.

Anger.

Frustration.

Rage.

Wrath.

Even hatred.

The soldat was feeling it all.

It was consuming him, devouring any sanity that was left of Bucky's moral values. The eerie glint in the soldat eyes suggested that he was not planning to stop until she gave him what he wants.

God, if it wasn't for chilling atmosphere around her, Elle might just mistook that she was actually in hell.

"Pyrenees!" She cried out. The soldat instantly stopped when she confessed. He waited for an answer and right on cue, she spoke again, breathless and almost silent as the fear that engulfed her prior refused to release her from its haunting grip. And truthfully she doubt that it will ever let her go, "T-there a secret base n-near the Irati forest."

She exhaled a shaky breath as she pleaded, "S-so please. Please stop this." The was tired of the pain and the numbness that came after. And the soldat knows it.

The room was left silent momentarily, as if he was actually considering her plea but alas he already had plans for her all along, "Shame. You should've killed yourself before I came here."

As he finished the last word, the soldat viciously plunged his knife deep into her neck, digging the sharpness of it through the delicate flesh until it reach the base of the blade.

Elle gasped in response, her hands scrabbling around in effort to break free, to stop all of this. But considering the situation she was in, there was nothing she could do about it other than to take it as it was given to her.

When the motion finally stopped, the soldat simply walked away from the scene as if it was a complete norm for him to behave as he was. He didn't even thought of cleaning the mess he left behind. Or hide the corpse somewhere.

Isn't he afraid that he might leave his tracks for the police to find?

Why would he?

This has been his life for decades on end. His sole purpose of living was to kill. So best believe that the authorities will never be able to link the soldat or Bucky to this crime.

Not today, not ever.

Through the days that Y/N was locked deep within Hydra's base, she hadn't been treated the worst. In fact, the sick and twisted agents and residents in the facility was more than willing to care for her.

This was all because they wanted her baby.

It was always sickening to hear them referring her child as merely a tool for their success. And the way they worship Y/N like she was a gift from God to fulfill their purpose, was beyond insanity.

"Oh, to have the privilage of bearing the offspring of the Winter Soldier. To be able to create the perfect weapon, unlike the father. It is just honorable."

It made her stomach churned with pure disgust whenever she heard those types of comments floating around her.

Besides the eerily digusting behaviour of the agents, there was also the regular check-ups and the lab tests that she needed to attend. Out of all the things she had to endure these past few weeks, the medical check-up has always dreaded her the most.

There was this constant debate within her troubled mind; of the possibility of Hydra manipulating her baby's health and genes by inserting unknown substance into her.

"Come on, mama. On the bed." The doctor said as he patted his rubber gloved hand on the surface of the rigid single bed.

She always found it vile that the people here calling her by that nickname. It tickled her throat in a way that she wanted to puke all the tasteless gunk that they had fed her with.

As she laid on the bed and let the process went on as it usually do, the doctor suddenly stopped everything that he was doing. At first she was weirded out by the irregular act of the man, but when she felt the vibration on the ground and the rushing footsteps from the floor above her, she knew exactly why the doctor suddenly froze on his spot.

And the emergency siren that shortly blared after, had only confirmed her speculation.

But mostly, it was the panic in the doctor's eyes that gave him away; then when Y/N noticed the man scrambled to search the drawers from one of the cabinet, she knew that he was up to no good.

The second that the doctor's hurried his steps towards her with a syringe in his hand, Y/N's body immediately recoiled. She quickly stopped him by grabbing his wrist and twisted it back until the syringe dropped from his hold.

The man cursed under his breath and decided to take her by force when he grabbed a handful of her hair, almost dragging her out of the bed. Y/N shrieked painfully while her hands blindly grabbing the silver tray by the bed next to her.

She then slammed it hard against his head, and watched the contents on the tray fell and scatter onto her. She took quick skim over all the tools and saw a potential weapon for her defence; a scissor.

"Stay still, mama. Or the baby will get hurt." The doctor foolishly threatened.

Maybe it was her defence mechanism or maybe it was just her motherly instinct kicking in but something just snapped inside of her when he said those words. There was this incredibly strong urge to either fight or take flight.

Of course she could easily slipped away and make a run for it but she just couldn't risk it. Especially when her baby's life was currently at stake. So, after a short moment of hesitation, she swiftly grabbed the scissors and surge it through his ribs. The man wailed in pain as he staggered off the bed and fell onto the floor.

You'd thought a single yet firm stab through the guts was enough to quench Y/N's need of fighting back but no. Apparently, the haywire of her nerves had drove her feral and she needed him to be soulless by the time she walk out the room.

That had forced her to nearly jumped on him like a predator pinning on a meek prey and the lack of struggling on the victim's side had only gave her full control to dominate him.

Then all of the sudden, the doctor felt another strike of the pain, digging into the flesh of his chest.

He woefully cried in extreme pain while Y/N did not utter a single word or let out any sound, she stayed silent as she thrusts the scissor in and out his flesh.

Each surge was vicious than the previous. Each stab was gradually speeding up as the motion increases it's number of repetition.

She completely let her emotions took over her sanity.

Until what's left in the room was only the sloshing and splashing sound of blood seeping through every thrust, as she continued to violate the body of the corpse.

Until the calm puddle of blood on floor rippled as the tears that broke from her eyes dropped on it's surface.

And when she realized that the doctor was long dead, that broke Y/N out from her feral state. Realizing what she had done; she shakily loosen her grip on the scissors and scrambled off from the lifeless body.

Her breath was near erratic; it was a chaos of unsteady rhythm as her words was lost at the tip of her tongue. She jolted in shock when the commotion in the facility got louder than before, reminding her that Bucky was there to save her.

Y/N felt a sob choking in her throat as her hands searched her stomach to coax the child in her womb, "It's okay sweet bean, daddy's here for us."

Have you ever heard how ear-ringingly loud it is when it's hailing? How the sounds of the frozen raindrops hitting – the top of your car or the roof of the shades of an outdoor café table – can completely mute your words for anyone to hear?

That has nothing compared to the thundering sounds that echoed throughout the whole facility. The shots were fired from multiple range of stolen guns, all were coming from one moving figure.

The once clean grey and white painted walls of the hallways, were now stained and splattered with the color of crimson. The usually empty hallways, were occupied by the dead bodies of fallen Hydra agents. And the distinct scent of well-kept lair, were effortlessly replaced by the unpleasant and pungent smell; a mixture of blood and sweat.

It was a clear trail of the Winter Soldier's deeds.

This place was supposed to be pristine, but now feels more like how it should be; hell.

While the enemies were roaring into their death, the soldat on the other hand was very much the opposite.

Unlike his foe, it took him very little work from the tips of his tongue and much more on the tips of his gun. When the enemies barked like a dog, the soldat pounced like a wolf; silent and resilient.

By nature, the soldat had never been a patient man, especially when it comes to people harming his darling.

Sure, maybe he can tolerate and play along with people who messed with him, but if one were to touch even a strand of hair of his beloved, then they practically reserving themselves a first class ticket of a one-way trip to hell.

And that unhinged tendencies of his only worsen when wrath was the one reigning his mind while hatred was its ruler. His mind was nothing but a chaos of rampage and vengeance. Seeking nothing but blood and death of his foolish foe.

At this point of time, with the amount of life he had taken from the moment he step foot into the gate of the base, to the very stairs he was currently climbing, one could probably matched his heart rate with the rhythm of the shots formed by the bullets he shot.

Magazine upon magazine he reloaded his gun and waste no less than zero bullet as every shot made was accurately deadly and terrifying fatal to his prey.

As the soldat's feet reached half way up the stairs, a Hydra agent's voice spoke from the lower level, "She's on the LG2, we need a team to come and collect her as soon as poss--" A bullet went straight through the top of his head before he could finish his sentence.

And that was the soldat's last ammo.

While he mentally took note on the intel, his feet was quick to jumped into action and made his way down to LG2. As he entered the hallway, his wild eyes wondered around to steal another gun from a dead man's body.

But he rose into a stand, he felt a tip of a cold steel nudged at the back of his head.

Some would call out the soldat's mistake for letting his guard down in the middle of a battle, but another would definitely ridicule the stupidity of that fool's guts for even thinking that the soldat couldn't counter-attack his weak threats.

However, none of the two man managed to made any move towards each other when there was a faster, more accurate trigger was pulled from someone else, from across the hallway.

And that action left an aftermath of the fool's body to drop flat on the floor, quickly finding it's perfect spot with between the other pile of corpses scattered around.

When the soldat turned around, the sharp of his gaze softened almost immediately.

There she was standing there, in the pastel blue of her 'prison' attire. Her hair was a bit messy even if it was tied, and her complexion looked slightly pale with fatigue but to the soldat, she was glowing like angel; despite the blood on her clothes or the gun in her hand.

She was right there.

His heart.

His love.

His darling.

Her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying for days. Her pouty lips trembled when the soldat stepped closer and closer towards her, tears threatening to fall as if she haven't done that during all the weeks that she had been here.

The soldat's steps grew faster.

So does Y/N's.

Tap taping until they were almost running towards each other.

Until the moment they reunited in the middle.

Catching each other's lips in a desperate and insatiable kiss, the soldat pulled her body tight around the waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Both whimpered in a yearning moan, both still had their guns hanging on one of their hands.

So many feelings at once, relief and grief, with each of them had a different story to tell.

The couple kept breaking and mending the kiss ever-so-passionately as if they weren't in the middle of the grave-less cemetery; as if they weren't in the center of the piling corpses.

Briefly opening his eyes, the soldat could see a shadow running towards them. When Y/N heard the footsteps from her back, she knew they need to pull away, but the soldat was firm and stubborn with his hold.

So instead of letting her break the kiss, he groaned in disapproval and pulled her lips back to his. An angry growl vibrated against her lips as he continued to explore her wet and warm mouth.

Caught off-guard she melted to his silent demand, almost forgot that the enemy was right behind her. But, she should've know better when the soldat loosen one of his arms from the embrace and pointed his gun towards the target.

His finger pulled the trigger almost as easily as his teeth tugging into the bottom of her lips. And suddenly the sound of a body collapsing behind didn't matter anymore.

When the soldat felt that he had enough of the sweetness of her kiss, he finally pulled away, at least for now. He whispered dearly, "Родная (darling)..." he cupped her face in his large hands and rested his forehead on hers.

She thought she heard it wrong, but did he just called her darling? It took her a few second to piece it together and realized that this man was not Bucky, that he had relapsed into the Winter Soldier again, "Soldat?"

The soldat smiled and leaned forward to steal a chaste kiss on her lips, "Yes, it's me, мое Родная (my darling)" he cooed as he swept her by her feet, off the bloody ground and carried her in his arm, "I got you, Куколка (little one). You can rest now."

"We're just wanted make sure she's alright."

"You can follow us if you want so just please--"

"Soldat! You're going to hurt her."

The familiar voices leaked through Y/N's ears as she was drifting through her dreamless slumber. Soon enough, the loud commotion of her surrounding woke her up from the deep sleep.

The words that the Avengers were yelling out became clearer as she gained her consciousness, and the ever-changing movements of the soldat, evading every step the Avengers made to get closer to him, made her aware of the way she was resting in his arms; perfectly cocooned in a form of a bridal carry style.

The soldat halted on his spot when Y/N opened her eyes to see what was going on, "Soldat?" She blinked multiple times as she adjusted to the lights. The menacing frown of the soldat melted into a much softer expression, "Родная(darling), you shouldn't be awake yet." He craddled her closer to him as he cooed.

Where is she? How long was she out? When did she changed her clothes?

"What is happening?" She asked as she peered over his shoulder to see Natasha sighing in relief, "Sweetheart, thank god you're awake."

Y/N then looked over to Steve, "You've been gone for weeks, y/n. We got news about your rescue yesterday, and you guys just arrived home. Now, if we could just to take you to the medbay and get you check-up, that'll be great." He briefly explained.

"Yeah, that's all we want isn't it? But, someone just had to be sappy and refuse to let anyone touch you. You know, how it is with the soldier." Tony quickly intercepted.

The soldat didn't pay them any attention now that his darling was awake. He was merely focusing on whispering the sweetest things as he traces delicate trails of kisses on her forehead, her nose, her cheek, basically all over her face.

Sam took it as opportunity to get closer when the soldat was distracted on suffocating Y/N with kisses. But he should learn by now how alert and agile the soldat can be, especially when he have Y/N close to his proximity.

So, when Sam took a step closer, the soldat recoiled almost immediately, putting quite of a distance between them.

"Man, if Bucky has a staring problem, then the winter soldier over here has a hogging problem." Sam accusingly pointed at the soldat, only getting grunts as a reply.

Looking at the current situation, Y/N pondered for awhile. As much as she wanted to get herself check-up, it was also wise to not pressure the soldat to give her away.

Considering what she witnessed at the Hydra base, Y/N knew the risk that comes when we let the soldat dwell in anger for too long.

So she consulted the rest of the team to back down for now, and let the soldat do what he wants. Y/N promised them that she will conviced the soldat to let her get a check-up as soon as possible. But for now, they really need to trust her words.

At first every one of them was reluctant to let her go but in the end they agreed to her suggestion.

When the team spread out and gave some space for the soldat, he didn't waste any time and marched straight to where their bedroom supposed to be. As soon as they arrived at their safe space, the soldat almost threw Y/N onto the bed and swiftly drew a knife from the holster of his thigh as his predatory eyes searched the room.

He refused to move even an inch away from where he stood and remained close to Y/N; shielding her figure with his own.

It was very faint, but the soldat could sensed that they weren't the only ones in the room.

Y/N eyed him curiously, wondering why the soldat was still on edge when he wasn't supposed to. So, she hopped off from the bed and stood on her feet before reaching out to hug the soldat from behind.

"You can put the knife down, soldat. It's just us here." She coaxed but the soldat refused to believe her. He pulled her by the arms, breaking her hug in the process and hold her close to his chest, "There's someone else here."

His actions was rather rougher than he intended it to be; even Y/N was startled by the sudden movement, "Oooff, careful there, soldat. You might give the little one a fright." She chuckled softly as she give her belly a loving rub.

And suddenly his attention was completely focused on Y/N now. Usually his frown symbolized irritation, but this time there was a clear confusion in his eyes. The amount of appalled blinking of his eyes increases when the puzzle pieces in his head started to merge.

The soldat knew that he heard a third heartbeat in the room; that was why he was on alert for threats but apparently he had been closer to the source than he thought was.

In fact, it was right his arms. Or maybe a little bit lower, somewhere around his torso.

Y/N didn't say anything, she simply nodded and smiled up to him as she continued to rub her belly.

When the conclusion finally hits him, the soldat dropped the knife in his hand at the same time he fell on his knees. His gaze never broke from hers, not even a split second, until he was face to face with her tummy.

The soldat leaned one side of his ear closer to her and the thumping sound of the third heartbeat got louder. The discovery had caused him to jolt away as shock decorated his features. He titled his head upwards to Y/N with the same wide, confused look in his blue eyes.

"It's okay, love." She giggled amusingly when the soldat repeated his previous actions. He leaned in and jolted back again as if he couldn't believe what he just heard was real, "Is it... his?" The soldat asked as he implied his existance to be separated from Bucky.

There was a hint of sadness in Y/N's expression when he said it like that. There's been many long conversations that she and Bucky had about the soldat after his first relapse.

Though Bucky was still unsure of his own dissociating self, Y/N on other hand believed that the soldat, this particular man whose drenched the earth with blood just to save her, the same man whose currently on his knees to hear a heartbeat of an unborn child; he deserved a little kindness in his life.

"Yes..." Y/N answered truthfully before she continued, "...and he's yours too."

And that surely knocked the air out of the soldat's lungs, he couldn't tell if she was telling him the truth or was just trying to kill him; either way the butterflies in his chest was suffocating him from the inside.

The soldat couldn't speak a single word; because he didn't know what to say. But there was this beam on his features, light in his eyes, softness on his smile when he dreamily stared at her growing belly.

Y/N took him by his flesh hand and place his palm on her stomach, then she spoke tenderly to the baby inside her, "Wanna say hi to daddy, sweet bean? Say, 'Welcome home, daddy.' "

She knew it was silly, because obviously the child in her womb shouldn't be able to speak, and he was not yet developed enough to be kicking his feet. Hell, they don't even know his gender yet.

But how could she not say it when the soldat looked so damn happy when she did. He looked so peaceful and has this daze and some of those twinkling hearts in those steel-blue eyes of. The soldat sighed in pure joy before he leaned to kiss her stomach.

And as it turns out that was all she needed to do to persuade the soldat to letting her see the doctors. He was there through the whole process, refusing to let go of her hand. It was such a good news to hear that the baby was healthy and there wasn't any foreign substance that might contaminated her during her times in Hydra.

After getting proper medical care and some food in her system, the soldat immediately carry her back to their room to settle down. While she laid on the bed, making up for the lost time to finally get the mental rest she desperately needed, the soldat on the other hand, had made himself comfortable by lying his head on her stomach.

He just couldn't stop; as if he was hypnotised by the melody of the baby's heartbeat. His hand snuck under her shirt, lifting the fabric up to reveal the belly where their miracle resides.

Y/N's droopy eyes followed his actions as she watched how carefully the soldat approached her. Out of habit, her hands absentmindedly rake through the softness of his hair as she held him by the head.

The soldat dotingly caressed the child's sleeping chambers as he leaned closer to it, "...Hi there, little one." he greeted with a quiet and loving whisper.

Immediately, a smile beamed brightly on Y/N's face when the soldat proceed to pamper her belly with countless of tender kisses, "...it's daddy." he introduced himself, as if the baby was able to understand him.

The silence that came after was so sweet and comfortable. And Y/N knew she wouldn't be able to have this without the soldat. She tucked a piece of his loose strand of hair behind his ear when she spoke gently, "Thank you for saving me, soldat."

He briefly lifted his head and smiled up at her, "You know I can't live without you Родная (darling). I will always need you." He declared a truthful confession before turning his attention away. His lips grazed on the skin of her belly as he mumbled against it, "And you too, little one."

Y/N could burst into tears just from this interaction alone but she try not to. She doesn't want to look back at this moment and remember how much she wept, so she blinked her tears away while she watched the soldat spoiled the little buddle of joy inside her with so much endearments.

Even though it was always a happy memory for the soldat when he spend time with his darling, but this... this was rare. And he wanted to cherish it for as long as he could.

The soldat laid on his ears again when he peered from where he had his head rested, his deep gaze captured her attention, "Has he been taking care of you good, darling?" He asked.

The soldat probably had no idea how Bucky adored her; if anyone paid enough attention they might even caught him worshipping the very ground she stepped on.

A breathy chuckle escaped from her mouth as nodded with a drunken grin, "He's the best." She hummed approvingly, "Best husband, and best daddy too." She exclaimed brightly as she glanced at the ring on her finger; it was barely visible through the thick of the soldat's hair.

Surprisingly, the soldat didn't react negatively to her remarks, instead, a proud smile curved on his lips as the pride in his chest overflowed and leaked all through his very being, "Good." He simply said.

The smile lines on the corner of his eyes didn't flatten even when he closed his eyes. For a moment, he tried to silenced everything else around him and focused on the fluttering sounds of the baby's tiny heart.

It might have been the thick haze of lavender smoke in their head or the swarming butterflies in their chest, that they didn't even notice the fatigue that had been slowly taking over them, until the tenderness of their caresses were barely moving.

When the heaviness of her eyes weighted the lids, she sleepily asked the soldat, "Will you still be here when I wake up?" Truth to be told, she was afraid that all of this was just a dream; an escape from reality of the cruel captivity.

The soldat briefly opened his own tired eyes and cooed softly, "I'm always with you, Родная (darling)." And Y/N took it as a promise for her desprete soul to cling on; a ray of hope for her to hold onto, if she ever wakes up in that cell again.

Not long after, both of them lost to the lure of somnolent and their soul quickly drifted into the peaceful dreamland. Soft snores were filling the quiet of the room as their mortal body continued to entangled themselves with each other.

It was safe to say that if Steve would ever barge into the room, he'd probably maxed the storage of his phone with photos of the soldat smushing his face on Y/N's belly as she perfectly curled around him.

Maybe it was the sunlight leaking through the window or maybe it was the intense gaze she felt burning on the skin of her face. Eitherway, it certainly disturbed her from her sleep.

When her body stirred, Y/N realized that she didn't need to open her eyes to know that last night was not a dream, especially when she can feel a pair of familiar arms wrapping around her waist under her shirt.

Y/N slowly peeled her eyes open to see a recognizable ceiling. Her eyes then trailed to her side and met a pair of blue of eyes staring back at her. Her gaze searched for the soul within him and found the semblance of Bucky reflected in his eyes.

Still dazed from sleep, she continued to watch him blinking at her, slowly and silently, like a cat declaring their love to their human. But even then, he couldn't hide the afterglow of the tears on his face.

"Bucky, honey. Have you been crying?" Her voice rasped from lack of use, yet her tender fingers find themselves crawling across his wet cheeks.

It was as if her voice was a trigger, and tears quickly reformed in Bucky's eyes again. Y/N gently pulled him to her chest, one hand threading his hair and another rubbing his back as he sobbed in her arms, "It's okay, Bucky. We're okay." She continued to coax him lovingly.

They spend most of the early morning holding each other close and dear. Then when the tears started to lessen, Bucky finally pulled himself away from her. Y/N wiped the excess tears on his cheeks but he caught her hand underneath his; he relished in the relief of her presence when he sighed to her touch.

Bucky's gaze wobbled in the pool of tears in his eyes but he was still determined to speak his mind "I'm so sorry, doll." He apologized, "I couldn't stop them. Even with this damned serum in me, I still couldn't protect you; both of you." If his defeated voice didn't convey his truth, then the tremble of his touch should be enough.

And Y/N's heart simply shattered for him; what did he meant by that? He did save her though. The winter soldier or Bucky. It didn't matter who but she was here now because of him. She was safe; they both were, "But you saved me, did you not?"

"But, I didn't. The sol--" Before Bucky could even finish his sentence, Y/N quickly cuts in, "The soldat is always going to be a part of you, Bucky. And if he saved me, that means you saved me too." She reassured him.

Seeing the hesitation in his eyes, she continued to persuade him, "And if I could speak for our child, which I absolutely can because I'm his mother, then he would say that he is proud that his strong daddy managed to beat the absolute shit out of those bad guys."

Bucky blurted out a hearty laugh, "I don't think it's good to teach our baby to curse when he is still in your womb, mama." His laugh gradually reduced to a chuckle when he wiped the remaining tears from his eyes.

Y/N simply shrugged to his suggestion, "It's not like he wouldn remember this anyway." She smirked playfully.

Another chuckle managed to slip through Bucky's lips before he lowered his face to her tummy, "And you? How's your play date with Winter, hmm sweet bean?" He mumbled as his lips planted on her skin.

Besides the heartbeat of his child, he could also hear the tiny twitching of the baby's limbs moving ever-so-slightly, "Yeah, I bet he spoiled you with lots of kisses and cuddles, huh? Like he did your mommy?" He continued to coo against her belly, unaware of the shock on his wife's face.

"Winter?" A small smile cracked from the corner of her lips. Yes, she was shocked but that doesn't mean she wasn't pleasantly surprised by it.

Bucky didn't even bother to look up at Y/N's face as he was busy blowing raspberries on her stomach, "If he's going to keep popping up in our lives then we might as well call him something else other than 'soldat', don't you think?" He simply said, marking one last kiss on the small growing bulge on her belly, before working his way back up to her face.

Y/N's heart swelled to his gesture and when he laid his head next to hers, she carefully took him by his cheeks, pulling him in for a gentle kiss, "I think he'd love that, Bucky." She whispered against his lips, feeling his smile in return.

Bucky nudges forward to catch her lips again; kissing her slow and sweet as if his whole world has been waiting for this moment. And when the kiss naturally broke, he tempted her with something he knew she couldn't resist, "Now, how about we grab you both something to bite, hmm?"

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: The use of the title in the fic is suprisingly wholesome despite the insinuation of it, don't you think? Lol. Btw, thank you so much for stopping by and read my work. Leave your thoughts behind for me, I'd love to hear from you!

#winterarmyyfics #welcome home soldat au #the seven writing event #nickfowlerrr’s writing event #winter soldier!bucky #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #winter soldier x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier fluff #bucky fluff #nickfowlerrr's writing event

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anothermansjeans · 8 months ago

Text

Kaleidoscope

aaron hotchner x f!reader

a/n: thank you to those who voted on the poll! i'll probably put up another one either tomorrow or the following day <3 inspiration from kaleidoscope by chappell roan !!

summary: to y/n, love is a kaleidoscope. as beautiful as it is, it's confusing and complicating, and it hurts so much.

warnings: not proof read </3 she's angsty (w/ a happy ending) mentions of guns, mentions of death (very little don't worry), mentions of throwing up, violence, hotch is a bit of a dick but he has redemption...?

word count: 3k

Love is a beautiful thing. It can bring light into your life. It's the brightest of colors, the most elegant of shapes. To put it simply, love is like a kaleidoscope.

Love is also a complicated thing. How it works– you'll never truly know. There’s change, but it also stays the same. It’s never confined to a shape alone. Again, in simple terms, love is like a kaleidoscope.

For Y/N, that was the easiest way to put it. When in love, it seemed as though her entire world shifted. It was a confusing and beautiful mess. The problem with this tilted and symmetrical mirror view though, was integrated in the blind spots. In Y/N’s case, that meant her judgment– one of the most integral aspects of her job as an FBI profiler.

She wasn't sure when she switched to her kaleidoscope view on life, but she knew it had to be around the time Hotch offered himself up as bait to the current unsub they were trying to catch. She was worried– she had a right to be. Her and Aaron had been together for a little over a year now– you could say they were in it for the long haul– and she didn't want to lose her love, her life, her future. She was on edge for the rest of the case, but the worst was the moment it was confirmed the unsub had Hotch.

The team was ordered to sit in the car. Stay in the car until they heard either the code word from Hotch or a confession from the unsub. Y/N knew to take orders seriously– she was almost as stern as Aaron at times when it came to protocol during undercover ops. The problem came when they could clearly hear things start to get rough and not only were they still missing a confession, but Hotch had yet to say anything. She was terrified. He didn't have his gun– the entire team knew he would've been searched the moment he walked in the high-end club the victims frequented– and the thought of him not being able to defend himself sent chills down Y/N’s body.

Again, she can't remember the exact moment it happened, but one minute she was in the passenger seat staring intently at the door to the club while listening in, and the next she sent a bullet through the unsub’s head.

She fucked up.

She knew she fucked up the moment Aaron made eye contact with her and behind the lividness, she barely found the love that resided. She wanted to explain herself. She wanted to tell him that the reason why she went in guns blazing was because he was going to get himself killed. She couldn't live without him. She didn't want to.

Unfortunately, that time never came. The moment they found themselves alone in the aftermath happened to be when the paramedic left Hotch after a quick check-up.

“You're lucky.”

His rough voice caused Y/N’s body that had been previously leaned against the ambulance to shift towards Hotch. “Excuse me?”

“You're lucky. If he wasn't the unsub and if he hadn't been assaulting me, you'd end up fired. Possibly arrested.”

“Aaron, you have to know–”

“You crossed a line.” His voice was raised, “when we got into this relationship we had a conversation. Keep it out of the field and away from the team until it is necessary for them to know.”

She scoffed at his words, “you're worried about the team finding out? We just had our one year anniversary two months ago. I live with you and Jack for God’s sake, Aaron. Your life is one of the most important to me– I would do it again if I had to.”

“You crossed a line,” he repeated, exasperation on his face. He was acting as if she wasn't understanding a word he said. “How the Hell am I supposed to trust you?”

Y/N’s eyebrows raised, “oh my fucking God.” She shook her head and turned her back to him, placing her hands on her head as she heard the low mumble she definitely wasn't supposed to hear.

“We were better when we were barely friends.”

What the actual fuck.

Tears began to burn in her eyes as she spun around and saw the look on Aaron’s face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. She opened and closed her mouth twice before words spew out with a sob. “Well if that's what you want, agent Hotchner.”

She could barely look at him again, so she quickly walked away. She didn't speak to anyone. She sat alone on the jet ride back to Quantico and as soon as they hit the tarmac, she booked a hotel.

When the two mandatory days the team gets off ends, Y/N immediately calls out sick. The anxiety of having to see, hear, or even being in the same building as Hotch made her physically sick, and she was in no shape to be driving down to the office. She feels like a coward– she has this idea that a “strong woman” wouldn't just run away to a hotel when shit hits the fan. She thinks they'd stay and fight, or at least grab their stuff before leaving, but when she was in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet as the feelings from the last few days trek through her body, she realizes that she is a strong woman. She walked away from him. Albeit, she let him decide where their relationship stood after his snide comment, she was still the one to take herself away from the situation.

What he said hurt her. She knows she would follow his lead with whatever is decided in regards to their relationship. Even though it felt as if he made that decision right then and there. Even after the hurt that he caused her heart, body, and soul with his words, she always seemed to go back to her kaleidoscope view. Things seem to be changing… but they always stay the same.

She took another two days to herself. The second day in her hotel room was spent trying to gain the energy back she initially lost while her body found a temporary home on the bathroom floor, and the third was spent using her key to grab a few of her clothes from the home she shared with the Hotchner boys while Aaron was at the BAU and Jack was at school.

Jack. God, she didn't even want to think about how he may have been feeling. That boy felt like her own in every way that counted. She hopes Aaron broke it to him gently… whatever “it” is.

When she did come back to work, she was bombarded by multiple questions from the team regarding her whereabouts. “I’m fine, I’m fine. I must've gotten something during the last case.”

She spoke that lie with her full chest. She had to, especially in a room full of profilers.

When the interrogation was over, she was barely able to sit down before hearing the voice she had been dreading for almost a week. “Y/L/N.”

Hesitantly, she turned her head up to see Hotch at his office door. The nod of his head requested her to go in there and talk to him, and she immediately felt a turning in her stomach.

She counted as she walked up. Normally, she would be up there in less than thirty seconds. This time, she took a minute and forty two seconds.

“Yes?”

The look on his face looked pained with a mix of anger. “Why weren't you here? What if we had a case?”

“I was sick.” Her voice was soft. She really wasn't in the mood to fight.

“This is why we shouldn't have started any–” he cut himself off, a look of regret immediately flooding his face. “I meant that our relationship shouldn't be getting in the way of work. The team–”

“Aaron, I was really sick.” She was tired of his whole “the team” bullshit. Oh fucking well if they knew. “You know,” she continued as she stared at him, “throwing up in a hotel bathroom and all.” On instinct, his eyes not-so subtly panned down to her stomach, and a ball of fury must have risen up from the depths of Hell and found itself in her because maybe she was ready to fight. “Do not flatter yourself, Aaron.”

Her eyes were wild, and his paled expression knew he was about to have his ass handed to him. “I have no idea who you think you are. Yes, you are my boss, but you are– or were– my partner. Equals. You're allowed to get pissed with me, you're allowed to reprimand me as your subordinate, but you are not allowed to talk to me as if I foiled your little plan on keeping our relationship a dirty little secret to the team.” Taking a breath, she felt the tears she thought she had left back at the hotel make an appearance. “I understand wanting to keep things professional, but you lost that when you brought up our personal relationship in order to make me feel like shit in the field.

“I was terrified for you. Terrified! I never want to imagine losing you– Jack losing another parent, but that's all that went through my mind, and the fact that you're more worried about my professionalism, and me making the team realize we're together is extremely telling.” Feeling a sob making its way through her body, she spoke her next words with as much grace and dignity as she could muster. “I tormented myself these past few days thinking I was a coward running away from this fight, but I’m not. I’m letting you decide. Go ahead, be the coward, and I’ll find a way to understand. Maybe one day we’ll go back to barely being friends.”

She could barely make it out of his office before she completely broke down, and ran to the bathroom out of sight from everyone. However hard she tried though, the entire bullpen was able to see and hear her, and eyes immediately went to Hotch.

“What the Hell happened?” Morgan looked frazzled. No one has ever seen Y/N like this.

“Hotch, what’s going on?”

“Is Y/N okay?”

“Should one of us go to her?”

“Aaron.”

The last voice he heard was the one to pull him away from staring at where Y/N walked away to. Looking over, Rossi had a solemn expression and gestured to Hotch to follow him in his office.

“What's happening with you two?”

The question was a simple one really. Before the last case, Aaron would say that he and Y/N are happily in love. They found solace in one another, Jack loves her, he wants to marry her. He still does, that hasn't changed, but the moment he saw Y/N rush into the club putting everything at risk for him… it scared him. He knew he would have done the same thing, but seeing the way Y/N could so easily risk her job, her life, just to save him? He never wanted that to have to happen. So maybe the question was simple, but his true answer would be loaded.

“We’re together,” he opted out of explanation. He knew Rossi would understand.

“Yes, and?”

With furrowed eyebrows, Hotch tilted his head. Rossi had this look on his face as if it wasn't a shock that they were together. “and I screwed up.”

“How,” the older man was getting impatient.

Sighing, Aaron closed his eyes. “I said things. I made her feel bad and prioritized keeping us a secret and being professional.”

“You must not think we’re good profilers."

Aaron knew what he meant by that. The smirk on Rossi’s face said that he didn't even believe what he was saying. Deep down, he did entertain the idea that the team already knew about them, and the more he thought about that, the less and less his anger towards Y/N was originally rooted in spilling that secret.

When he hadn't said anything for a few moments, Rossi spoke again. “So what was the real issue?”

Shaking his head, Hotch scoffs. “She is so selfless at times it scares me.” Rossi’s silence prompted him to continue. “She risked so much going in that club and killing that unsub, but all she cared about was me. She told me she couldn't imagine Jack losing another parent and I just– it reminds me of Haley.”

A look of understanding washes over Rossi’s face as Hotch continues.

“This job kills, Dave. The only way I know how to compartmentalize when it comes to it is to stay professional and try not to think about the love of my life also there doing what I do and potentially getting herself killed. I don't think me or Jack could go through losing someone else.”

“Tell her that.” Rossi’s voice is stern. “Don't push away everything you two have built– which I’m assuming took about a year to build?”

“A couple months over.”

“And I’m assuming you love together seeing that none of us are ever invited over to your places,” the smirk on his face caused a light blush to appear on Aaron’s face. They really never were that subtle. “But Aaron, I think you're too old for me to say this but love is a crazy thing. It’s the nicest but also the most confusing thing. She will understand how you're feeling. It seems to me she already knows that feeling.”

Feeling a thousand times better but a million times worse after thinking about Y/N currently breaking down, Aaron makes a move towards the door to go find her, but is stopped when JJ gives both him and Rossi a weak smile.

“We got a case.”

It’s five days later and the case is still ongoing. Y/N’s been distant– rightfully so– and Hotch has been trying to find every moment possible to talk to her, but it’s dejectedly decided that won't be happening until afterwards. A break in the case had finally happened when they had come to the realization that the unsub had to be an officer on the case, and unfortunately that officer happened to be the one Y/N was currently riding with to a crime scene.

The team was at the precinct when Hotch’s phone rang, an incoming call from Y/N, and the dreadful sense of deja vu set in when he heard the voices on the other end.

“Where are you taking me?” Y/N asked. A slight panic could be detected in her voice.

“I told you… the next crime scene.”

“You'll never get away with it.”

The click of a gun could be heard and hot tears began to stream down Aaron’s face. “Try me, Sweetheart.”

“Garcia, we need that location,” Morgan could be heard behind him, but he was hyper focused on his phone. Mumbles and grunts were the only things heard on the speaker of Hotch’s phone followed by the sound of car doors closing. “Highland Bakery! Garcia says it's been abandoned for thirty years.”

Hotch was the first one out the door. It wasn't happening. Y/N would be safe. He refused anything otherwise.

When they reached the building Hotch had to remind himself over and over again to stay rational. He had to stay level headed and keep you safe, which is what he did. The moment the tact team went in there, Y/N was found half asleep, arms chained above her head, duct tape over her mouth, and cut marks along her legs. She was hurt, but she was safe. Hotch didn't even care about the unsub at that point, knowing the rest of the team was more than qualified to apprehend him. His main priority was getting Y/N to the paramedics as soon as possible.

Hours later sitting in a tiny hospital chair, Aaron held onto her hand for dear life. Her hand squeezed his, causing him to become vigilant, and when she opened her eyes, he immediately started to cry and brush her hair back. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Her voice was rough, and she sat up the tiniest bit before slightly moving her hand out of his.

His heart dropped once she did that, and the words began to flow out of his mouth. “I love you so much, please tell me you know that.” He waited a beat as she gently nodded, which he took as permission to continue. “I’m an ass. I said things that make me hate myself because you deserve so much more than that. I was scared. I'm always scared when it comes to you and this job, but something just snapped at that moment and I realized how much we risk for each other. You say you don't want to imagine losing me, well I can't imagine losing you. I am so in love with you and so please, I promise to not be an ass about it but I also need you to promise to be safe.”

They were both crying at that point. “I’m still upset about what you said.”

He nodded his head quickly, “which is expected and valid.”

“And you need to get over the team knowing.”

“Already done.”

She lifted an eyebrow and gave a slow nod. “And I need you to know that I love you too.” He laughed and pressed their lips together, only breaking away to catch their breaths. “Next time you offer yourself up as bait to an unsub,” she began, her voice just barely above a whisper, “please use the code word so that I don't have to hear you getting hurt.”

With their foreheads touching, he brushed their noses against each other. “How about one just for us? So we both know when to walk away.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Any word you want.”

Y/N took a moment before a small smile made its way on her face. “How about… kaleidoscope?”

“Kaleidoscope?”

“Yeah. It reminds me of you. Of love.”

Aaron smiles with her and slightly leans back in to fit their lips together. Love is a beauteous mess with every emotion reflecting off of those you love. Love is a kaleidoscope.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner x reader #HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!!!

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prophecyofwinter · 3 months ago

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Se Riña Qilōni Iprattan Se Jēdar | VI

Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Summary | Saera Targaryen daughter of Jaehaerys I ran away from Westeros to escape her fate. 45 years later her daughter Y/N Targaryen, with invitation from King Viserys wishes to go back.

Tags | Angst, Slowburn (Hot&Cold), TargCest, Smut, Standard ASOIAF content, Aemond and Reader are First Cousins Once Removed, Reader is Self-serving, Terrible Sibling Dynamics, Fluff tags to be added

Special warnings | Violence against women, Incel-like behavior, descriptions of injuries

Word Count: 3.6k

Author Notes | I have put up a poll to get readers feel for a certain story direction, please give it a quick vote! Poll here

Prologue | Chapter V | | Chapter VII Masterlist

Chapter VI | Love Thy Sister

“What do you think of her?” Alicent asks her son, looking up at him from her cushioned seat. Alicent hoped by telling Aemond to take the girl for a walk she’d feel welcome enough for the time being. Even though she is legitimized as a Targaryen, she can leave at any time. If she does not feel welcome, she may take herself and her titles back to Volantis. Back to the whore house her mother is from and disgrace the Targaryen name just as her mother did, and the blame would be put on Alicent.

“I suppose she is a good conversationalist… as beautiful as they say her mother is.” Aemond looks down at her, he rubs his hand along his jaw. Aemond knows his duty that was forced upon him, Alicent does not doubt this.

However, she has influenced him to have a greater distaste for bastards. Of course, she doesn’t expect nor want Aemond to put his biases to the side, but for the safety of the Targaryen name he must learn to push it down for her.

“Continue to keep her happy, if you wander-“

“I am not Aegon if that’s what you are implying.” Aemond interrupts her with one of his quips. Alicent rubs her temples with a sigh, in her mind she knows Aemond would never do such a thing, but you can never be fully sure with young men. Aemond places his hand on Alicents shoulder, bringing her out of thought and she looks back up at her son.

“She knows what she is and I can deal with that.”

—————

The sun has sunk below the horizon and you stand with your hands gripping the stone of your balcony. The light breeze pushes your loose hair to the side, tickling your cheeks.

The past 5 days have been repeating each other, waking up, fitting into tight clothes that you still can’t get used to, breaking your fast alone, taking brisk walks through the gardens; you’ve taken to needlework to fill up your time, still not good at it. Ending your days eating dinner with Vaegon, he insists on sitting next to you instead of on the other side of the table, you’ve gotten tired of telling him otherwise.

Your only real interactions have been with Aegon, he manages to find you in the gardens every day. It has become routine at this point. Small conversations where he stands a little too close and rests his hand on your lower back. Your brother was fuming behind the two of you, but alas there was nothing he could do.

Perhaps Aegon simply got a kick out of your brother's reaction; in that case, you don’t mind at all.

Aemond hadn't bothered to even acknowledge your existence. You haven't seen him, heard him, smelled him, tasted him, touched him. All your senses are absent of him!

Your head had been so full of ideal situations, that you didn’t consider living an isolated life in a foreign land! You had to push down girlish thoughts and take charge for yourself!

“Are you done with your childish games sister?”

You were knocked out of your thoughts by Vaegon resting his armor-covered hands on the back of your shoulders. You tensed up at the contact, your stomach instantly became uneasy.

“Your fantasies didn’t work out. No prince to whisk you off your feet as we pretended when we were children. Only a maimed icy boy who doesn’t love you.” He begins to gently massage your shoulders. Disgust rises on your face with your fists so tight your nails may draw blood.

“And you do?” You do not turn to look at him, simply at the night sky.

“More than that freak could.” He laughs resting his chin on your shoulders and moves his hands to caress your arms. This pushed you far over the line. You turned around and pushed him back with full force, it didn’t do much but push him a foot back. Frustrated at this failed attempt you slap him making sure to claw his skin with your nails.

You hadn’t meant to dig that deep. Vaegons scream was in true carnal pain, he held his cheek with blood flowing from between his fingers. You had scarred him from cheekbone to chin. You looked down to your hand and you could see the skin you tore off beneath your nails. You looked back at him in shock, your mouth went dry as you couldn’t think of any words to say.

“You fucking cunt!”

You saw your brother's eyes turn from purple to black as he ran to grip your neck with both hands, knocking the wind out of you. He was crushing your throat and his hand armor was cutting deeply.

“Va-vaegon plea-“ you begin to claw at his hands as you choke out words.

“I will not come second to some pompous cunt! I have worked all my life to prove myself worthy of you! Yet you whore yourself out to the first cock that fills your self serving cunt.” He shook you around with gritted teeth, not seeming to care about the sting and blood from his cheek. “You stand there and mock me in the gardens and let that whore of a Prince touch you, am I the only one you won’t fuck?!”

Black spots started to form in your vision, he was trying to strangle you to death, and you could see it in his eyes.

You whisper something weakly enough that he cannot make out. He leans in hopes of hearing words of submission to feed his sick fantasies.

You gargle up the saliva that you cannot swallow and spit directly into his ear. He instantly jumps back and pushes you away. He falls on his ass getting away from you. You erupt in laughter even when your spine makes contact with the stone balcony you laugh through the pain.

Vaegon is at a loss for words, tears start to form and threaten to fall down his face. Humiliation is all over his face, you have permanently scarred his face. Maimed him as he laughed at Aemond for being. This scar was not gained honorably, not in a battle, not because he was punished, not from protecting a damsel in distress. He gained nothing from it.

He let a woman, his sister, swipe him so brutally. It made him even less of a man in the eyes of everyone.

No mother to comfort him, not even a whore to console him, the only person he had was his sister who was looking down on him.

Laughing at him.

Your laughter died down, small giggles escaping your lips still. The lack of air to your head and raw adrenaline diluted the pain you should be feeling at the moment. You walked over to your brother, looking down at him as he looked down at you moments ago with his hands on your throat.

“I am greater than you now brother, you are still a bastard. I could have you hung and spiked on the walls. However, it breaks my heart to see you like this.” You say softly with a joking tone. Vaegon continues looking up at you with a rage behind his eyes.

“If it would serve as compensation. You can have the privilege of standing guard at mine and Prince Aemonds marital chambers on our wedding night. As a parting gift.”

Vaegon instantly stands on his feet and scoffs with a baffled expression. Suddenly, the weight of his crimes against a noble hit him hard, and he rushed out of the room to escape to who knows where.

You stood there for a few moments, absorbing your grand victory. You didn’t care where he ran, who he ran to, what he was going to do after running. Your breath was heavy and your lungs began to feel like they were struggling to take air in.

Just as your adrenaline calmed down it rose back up with anxiety. You rushed over to your mirror and looked at your neck to see bruises already forming and where his armor had cut your neck. How could you explain this? Someone will see your bruises and see Vaegons cheek and put it together.

You hadn’t noticed the tears running down your face until you looked in the mirror, you looked in disarray.

The pain started to shock through your body, finally registering the violence Vaegon put onto you.

Your throat felt like it was closing up, the pressure from your corset made the rising bruise on your lower back hurt so badly you feared you might empty your stomach on the floor.

You saw the blood trail on the floor and your eyes moved over to the balcony and there was a small pool of blood in plain sight. You looked around your chambers for anything to clean it up. You froze by the sound of knocking at your door followed by your door opening.

You hear the sound of crashing and liquid splashing on the floor. Someone rushed to your side who you recognized to be Mela. She knelt by your sitting form and held your arms gently.

“Princess! What happened?! Who hurt you?!” Mela attempted to talk calmly but the urgency of the moment raised her tone.

You don’t know what happened, all of a sudden everything came crashing down onto you. You were crying so hard you couldn’t form any words, your throat and neck hurt even worse with all your heavy breathing. Stuttering out incoherent and unfinished sentences with hand gestures that meant nothing.

Mela stood and held you close to your chest like a mother would, and you held onto her arms and cried. She yelled something at Ellyn and the girl rushed out of the room, the door left wide open potentially for anyone to see. The pain of being manhandled by Vaegon started seeping in and all of a sudden your whole body started hurting, you couldn’t tell where it was coming from; you only knew it hurt.

“Shhhh, Let me see Princess.”

Mela lifted your chin and gasped at the state of your neck. She lightly touched one of the fresh bruises, even the lightest touch made you whimper and flinch away. You couldn’t breathe without pain shocking through your body which made you cry more so tears never stopped streaming down your face.

A barrage of footsteps approaches the open door to see Mela holding your sobbing body. Immediately a maester is by your side, gently pushing Mela away to see your injuries. You close your eyes to think the pain away, and a few gasps follow when your neck becomes exposed.

“Gods be good, who did this Princess?” The Maester touched around your neck to examine the damage. You couldn’t think, the feeling of eyes on you, the pain in your neck, the pain in your lower back tightened by a corset.

You claw at the back of your dress just wanting to tear it off. Mela stops your hands to pull you onto your feet, your groans of pain don’t stop her at all. Ellyn moves behind you to loosen the layers of your dress. You let out a deep sigh of relief when your corset is removed and your body almost fully collapses into Mela.

Your lower back is revealed with the removal of the corset and you hear gasps of sympathy from the other maids in the room. Mela has you against her in a way that your breasts aren’t revealed to keep some form of modesty, even if it’s just maids and a maester.

“Gods… what has happened here?!” Alicents voice sounded through the room, her voice painted with concern.

“I’m not sure my Queen, she’s in too much pain. She won't speak.” The Maester said without turning to Alicent still looking around at the newly discovered bruise. The Maester leaves the room to hopefully get some kind of ointment or cream to soothe you.

You looked up at Alicent and she looked down at you, biting at the skin of her thumb.

The small part of you that isn’t in pain feels humiliated, this was your triumphant moment over your brother. But here you are, crying so hard you can’t speak, naked from the waist up, multiple people gawking at your injured limp body. You can barely even listen to the people around you, blood is pumping through your ears.

A nightgown comes over your head and you move your arms slowly to fill the armholes. By the feeling of the fabric you can tell it’s not one from Westeros, it’s one of your own from Volantis. With these, your back could remain open instead of being rubbed with cloth. You watch Alicent move her hand to caress your hair gently, looking at you with an expression you can’t make out. Sympathy? Pity?

Alicent leans down and murmurs something to you.

“Was this Aemond?”

You shake your head no and the queen lets out a sigh of relief and does one wipe of your cheek with her thumb. You made an earnest attempt to squeeze out any sound through your tightening throat.

“Vaegon-“ you pointed to the blood near the balcony, the hand you pointed with still had his blood and skin on your fingers.

“Where is her brother? Find him!” Alicents voice rises to yell at the guards nearby. She leaves the room with haste to go off to who knows where.

You are guided onto a couch deeper into your chambers to allow room for a maid with water and cloth to gently dab your neck. You try your best to contain your whimpers to not humiliate yourself further. Another maid grabs your hand with a wet cloth and cleans the hand you scarred Vaegon with.

After some time the Maester reentered the room with a jar of some kind of ointment. You hope the cream provides some instant comfort, anything to relieve your aches. Tears still streaked down your face, the pain still ever persistent, but you held your whimpers down still.

“Alright Princess, I’ve retrieved an ointment made of arnica. It should help with the aches and inflammation.” The Maester hands the ointment to Ellyn, she quickly replaces the maid behind you. You move your hair away to expose your neck.

Everyone besides Ellyn begins to make their leave to give you privacy now that their duty is done. You close your eyes and let out a sigh of relief when Ellyn starts to gently rub the bruised area on the back of your neck. However your eyes don’t stay closed for long; as the door opens for everyone to make their leave, a soft ‘My Prince’ in unison makes your eyes instantly open.

Aemond enters the room with long strides, passing by servants without care. He was wearing his normal black leather, eyepatch, and sword still at his side. Ellyn stopped applying the ointment to stand up, and give a small bow to Aemond with a customary ‘my Prince’.

“Mm. Give it here.” Aemond holds out his hand to be given the ointment. He scans the room to see the blood has not yet been cleaned up.

“Clean that up and make your leave.” He hums, Ellyn quickly hands him the jar and grabs a cloth.

“Aemond...” You whisper to not force your voice. You jump at the feeling of Aemonds ungloved fingers applying ointment to the back of your neck. Aemonds touch struggles to be gentle, his hands are roughly textured, and you can tell he hasn’t had to be gentle with much before.

“I caught him.” He said in a normal tone. You look to the side, your eye area red and cheeks still wet from your never-ending crying. A look of confusion grazed your face under your pained expression.

“I walk in the gardens at night. I heard him yelling, I saw him push you. I figured he would run.” Aemonds fingers moved to the side of your neck that was exposed to him.

“Do not take it as much. A bastard boy attacked a…Targaryen. A high crime, it was simply duty.” He talks like he doesn’t care, truly unreadable... Almost like the hardened guards that are on duty in front of the black wall in Volantis, but not quite that extreme.

But here he sits, doing his best to gently rub in ointment into the bruised necklace painted into your skin. You can’t help but give him a slight smile, Aemonds eye flickers up and moves right back down.

Without being able to speak more than a word or two, you and Aemond sit in silence. Even when he turns you around to get the front of your throat.

You got the opportunity to look at his face closer than you ever had. Your eyes traced his red scar, your sight stopped by his eyepatch but it continued below; on down to his sharp strong nose which huffed out deep breaths occasionally; to his pink lips, straightened in focus. Of course, his most important features to you, his one good eye, a beautiful shade of purple, pointed down looking at your neck and ever so often flicked further down when he needed to get more from the jar. His platinum white hair was tucked behind his ears so he didn’t get any in his face while leaning down.

This wouldn’t last. You knew that. Soon he would remember reality and pull back once again.

“Turn back around, I have to get your back.”

Your view of Aemond is torn away by his hands twirling you back around. He makes a ‘mmm’ sound and rubs the excess on his fingers on the middle of your open back. Leaving you rather confused until he speaks.

“Your lower back is covered by your nightgown. I have to pull it down.”

You jump a little at the idea of being almost fully naked in front of him, even though the sheer fabric of your nightgown left nothing to the imagination and left most of your skin open to the air. It’s the implication of it all.

“Gods, Calm down. I will only be seeing your back, nothing I won’t see soon enough.”

Aemond pulls at the sleeves of your nightgown and slides it down as low as it can go as you are sitting down. Even though he is behind you and can’t see your breasts you feel the need to cover them with your arms, but you resist.

Aemond starts to apply ointment once again, he presses a little too hard and a gasp gets caught in your throat, and flinch away. Aemond grasps your hips to still you and bring you back.

“I’m sorry. Let me try again.”

You nod and hope that he’s more gentle this time. This bruise was a single large long bruise straight across your lower back so it made it harder to comfortably touch it at all. He was as gentle as he could be, it would hurt regardless.

You had to make it through the pain yourself. Focusing on making the pain go away in your head. The first thought that came to your head was how intimate this position felt compared to the others. The lower back felt like one of the more intimate locations to touch between two people. Yes, Aegon touches you there occasionally but you only allowed that because you knew Vaegon was looking.

Aemond doing it felt different. Even if it was just him helping you. His touch brought pain with it but it still somehow got a shiver up your spine that was pleasant in its own way.

He applied the ointment rather quickly, you snapped out of your thoughts when he began to bring your nightgown back up your body and you slipped your arms through the strapped sleeves.

“You should sleep soon, you will heal faster,” Aemond spoke, rubbing your arms from the back. You froze when you felt his breath on the back of where your neck met your shoulder. Your heart starts beating fast as you can almost feel his lips disrupt the peach fuzz on your skin.

Suddenly seconds later Aemond abruptly pulls away physically and emotionally, just as he did before. He stands and briskly walks to your chamber door, on his way he taps onto a table to put your attention to a goblet and pitcher.

“Should aid with sleep.”

You didn’t even get a chance to process anything. You swore you still felt his touch on your skin, it made you shiver. Aemond shut the door all but gently, leaving you alone with yourself. You sighed at the loss of touch and Aemond ran off once again.

You wouldn’t see Aemond for a few days once again.

You pushed yourself up onto your feet with a sharp pain. The ointment helped but it didn’t help with sudden movements. You hobbled over to the table Aemond gestured to. You studied it briefly before pouring the substance into the goblet. It was a cloudy blue color, you weren’t sure what to make of it. You reluctantly took a sip, your body wanted to reject it instantly. It tasted extremely bitter with an undertone of honey. It must’ve been put there for a reason so you at least finish the cup.

Not being able to drink anymore you blow out the bigger lights in your chambers, leaving the smaller ones still lit. You started to feel drowsy, deciding to commit to lying down. Getting under the covers trying to get comfortable, you decided it was too hot under them and pushed them to the side to only cover part of your body. You found a single position that didn’t put extreme pressure on your bruises and instantly fell to sleep.

—————

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aemehhh · 11 months ago

Text

Regrets and mistakes are memories made- Jotaro x Reader

CW: Canon typical violence, swearing (like, a lot.), blood, deep wounds, hurt, angst, mentions of PTSD, mentions of depression and a panic attack is described in great detail, detailed description of character death, heartbreak. Also, spoiler warning for parts 3-6!

Wc: ~9.5k

A/N: Hello everybody! After I made a poll on here a lil while ago, people voted for a Jotaro fic and of course, your wish is my command.

First off, I want to apologize for any grammar mistakes; english isn't my first language. Also, this is my first fic, so any criticism is appreciated <3

Second of all, the story is made with a fem! Reader in mind, so the pronouns she/her are used. Also, the Reader is a Stand user! The name of the Stand is based on the Song "Head In The Clouds" by Hayd. Please give the Song a listen when you're done reading! :) Link for the song here: https://youtu.be/_aYQZoC3YCY?si=I8hSXMTYTzBmwzXC

Lastly, I am no mental health professional. Every description of depression and panic attacks stems from my own experiences as well as research I did. So, if you can't identify with Readers symptoms, I apologize. I also apologize if Jotaro is OOC. I still hope you have fun reading this story!

Enjoy~!

Love sucks. Like, it really, really fucking sucks.

Okay, no, it doesn't. But it kind of does too. It doesn't suck, when you see how you bring a smile to your partner's face with just your presence. It doesn't suck when you kiss the person you love or feel their touch or their warmth, and your heart just bursts with happiness. It doesn't suck, when your partner has a smile reserved for you and only you. When you whisper sweet nothings into each other's ear, fall asleep tangled in an intimate embrace, and then wake up to your beloved's face in the morning.

No, love really doesn't suck when that is the case. In fact, it can be considered to be truly beautiful.

It is beautiful when it is reciprocated. And that is where it really does start to fucking suck.

You met Jotaro Kujo in your very first year of high school. Jotaro was your classmate back then, and he always sat silently by the window. There was always that bizarre aura to Jotaro, when you look back. He has always had his typical, grumpy demeanor that practically screamed, "Leave me the fuck alone." His appearance spoke for itself. Although he was extremely handsome, having high cheekbones, a nearly perfect nose, the most beautiful blue eyes that have ever graced the earth's presence, as well as gorgeous, black curls; the most common expression on his face was a scowl. Jotaro also had more of a delinquent type of style when it came to how he wore his hair and uniform, and if that wasn't enough, he also told each and every single person who approached him to fuck off. So, he wasn't just a loner; he was kind of a freak, at least in your eyes. Which is precisely why you never bothered to interact with him, even when you became classmates and your assigned desk was next to his.

However, the two of you became friends in the long run. Though, to be frank, the way it happened really was bizarre.

It started at the beginning of your second year in high school. Unlike Jotaro, you weren't a loner by any means. On the contrary, although you weren't the most popular girl in school, you were social enough to have a close circle of friends that you hung out with regularly, and you didn't need more than that.

While the two of you never really spoke to one another, Jotaro was relieved that you were in the seat next to his. You were one of the only girls in the school who wasn't screeching in his ear whenever he walked by. Hell, you didn't even interact with him unless you were forced to by your teacher because of a dumb group assignment.

A group project was actually the reason why he started taking notice of you.

You two were working on a project with two other classmates. Jotaro was mostly silent, only saying something if absolutely necessary, which wasn't out of the norm for him. He looked out of the window with a bored expression, waiting for the next time he could smoke a much-needed cigarette. At the same time, you were in a heated discussion with a classmate about some stupid argument that needed to be brought up in a debate as part of the project. That classmate had completely disagreed with anything you said, not because he had good arguments, but because that fucker wanted to get on your nerves, and you knew it. You and that asshole were at it for about five minutes, and you were getting increasingly angry when, all of a sudden, the guy just magically agreed with your opinion. More or less. The guy claimed that that exact thought—your argument—just came into his head randomly. Jotaro noticed there was something weird about you at that moment. There was a shift of energy in the air when the guy just suddenly agreed with you, and it rubbed him in the wrong way.

Jotaro kept an eye on you after that. He noticed it happening like this a handful of times, where someone wouldn't agree with you for a while, then there would be a sort of shift, and all of a sudden, they'd agree with you. It bothered him real bad now.

Jotaro got his "evil spirit" soon after and was arrested. After his grandpa came to Japan and explained the concept of Stands to him, as well as the looming threat over their heads, a 100-year-old vampire named DIO, Jotaro suspected that you might have a Stand as well. After all, according to his grandpa, Stand users attract other Stand users.

Jotaro was right with his assumption.

You discovered you had a Stand during Jotaro's battle with Noriaki Kakyoin. You were in the nurse's office because you wanted to ask for some painkillers when the nurse, possessed by what you would later find out to be Kakyoin's Stand, attacked Jotaro and two other students. Something within you awoke in that moment, and a humanoid gray ghost came up behind the nurse, whispering in her ear that she would no longer attack the students. Afterwards, Kakyoin's Stand, Hierophant Green, came out of the nurse's body as if in a trance, and Jotaro's own Stand beat Kakyoin to a pulp.

Per his request, you followed Jotaro home that day as he carried Kakyoin, whom you discovered to be controlled by DIO. there. From there on, you learned about Stands from Jotaro's grandfather, Mr. Joseph Joestar, as well as his friend Muhammad Avdol, both of whom were Stand users.

On that day, you also named your Stand.

"So, from what it seems, your Stand has the ability to manipulate someone's thoughts and actions by whispering your command into their ear. This creates a haze that manipulates the opponent's head in such a manner that they think your command was their own thought. Therefore, making them take that action with no question asked. That is quite a useful ability to have." Avdol said while grabbing his chin in thought and looking at you.

"I guess now it makes sense why people magically agree with me when I fight with them, huh?" You scratched the back of your head, letting out an awkward and nervous laugh. All of this was just.. bizarre. Stands, a 100-year-old vampire in Egypt? Yeah. Not something that is usually happening in day-to-day life.

"So, got a name in mind? You can't just call it a ghost." Mr. Joestar, who insisted you call him Joseph, said with a grin.

You looked at the floor for a moment, pondering. Then you had one in mind.

"Hmm.. "Head in the Clouds" sounds pretty fitting, doesn't it?." You replied to the older man with a smile.

The true adventure began when Jotaro's angel of a mother, Holy, became ill from her Stand's power. Her soul was too kind, too gentle to be able to keep up with it. Avdol examined Holy and predicted that she would only have about 50 days until her body succumbed to her Stand's power and she would die. Mr. Joestar, who was beyond devastated and angry, called some doctors from the renowned Speedwagon Foundation (apparently this guy has connections everywhere in the fucking world) over to look after Holy.

Avdol, Joseph, Jotaro, and Noriaki, who was now freed from DIO's curse, planned to take the 50-day trip to Egypt in order to save Holy and defeat DIO. You were asked to join the others. And although hesitant at first, you agreed to tag along.

Your parents were contacted by the Speedwagon Foundation a few hours later, and they told them you got a spot in their international exchange program for Japanese students (you allegedly applied months ago). You had a bit of explaining to do that night, but they had no reason to think you were lying, so they let you go.

You got close to everyone on the trip. You even had a new guy join the group; a large, French man with silver hair called Jean Pierre Polnareff. He was quite a silly man, sometimes even a bit of a perv, but he was serious when he needed to be. The group sort of became a family to you at some point. Mr. Joestar, who insisted you call him Joseph, was acting like a father to Jotaro, Noriaki and you. Even when he was annoying at times, he kept his heart in the right place and made sure everyone was fed and doing as well as possible. You saw where Holy got her kind heart from. Avdol, although he was gone for some time, recovering from his shot wound given to him by a Stand user, was a very interesting and charming man. You and the others often listened to him talk about his travels all over the world and all the different people he met before.

Noriaki, Jotaro and you were the closest to one another, though. You guys formed a close bond that grew with each passing day. While you were indifferent towards Jotaro in the beginning, mainly because you didn't care to bother a person who very obviously wasn't keen on getting attention, you had learned to read him over the course of the trip. His body language and the way his eyes looked in different situations made it fairly easy for you to know what mood Jotaro was in. Take it from growing up in a home where you'd have to guess what your parent's mood was based on their footsteps alone, but your analyzing of his behavior made it easy to figure him out. Jotaro had a cold demeanor, yes, but he was also undeniably loyal, and he was worried deeply about his mother and friends. He protected those close to him with everything he could, and, not to mention, he did have a kickass sense of humor sometimes. You noticed little things about Jotaro too. You took note of how his face started sweating when he got stressed, his right nostril twitching slightly as well, or how he pulled his hat over his eyes when he got flustered or embarrassed, covering that up with his signature mutter of "good grief". You also started looking up to Jotaro the more you witnessed him fight, with Star Platinum's pure strength being something truly out of this world.

And while you weren't the most effective when it came to pure strength and close-hand combat, your Stand was strong enough to defend you most times, and your mind-manipulation saved the team's asses plenty as well. Your strategic and quick-thinking skills were impressive, and similar to Noriaki, you were able to come up with plans at the speed of light to figure out when an enemy Stand user was scheming something. This helped you bond with Noriaki, too. Both of you quickly became the team's strategists.

You and the guys basically bonded over beating ass. That's a given, though, considering the mission you and the gang were on.

You remember that one night, after you guys defeated the Sun. Jotaro, Noriaki, and you were sitting around a fire while Joseph and Polnareff were asleep. Avdol was still out of commission because of the shot wound, and Iggy, the dog Stand user that would later join you, wasn't there yet either. Or was he? (You aren't sure anymore.).

The three of you were talking. Well, kinda, it was mostly you and Noriaki talking about an ongoing manga that came out after a video game series, while Jotaro sat and listened to you, occasionally throwing in a comment or two. It was easy talking to the guys, maybe because all of you were the same age. That night, the three of you fell asleep by the fire with a light mood in the air. Nowadays, you look back on small moments like these fondly, a warmth embracing your heart.

But it hasn't always been that way.

"Death is inevitable. We all die one day."

Avdol muttered these words a few nights before he would die. The group of you were in a hotel room, most likely Joseph's. Iggy was asleep on the bed, Jotaro was smoking a cigarette with Polnareff on the balcony, and Noriaki was still in the hospital. You, Avdol, and Joseph sat at the table and drank coffee. You started the conversation. The injuries everyone, including you, got during the trip were heavy on your mind.

"Do you guys ever worry about dying here? Like, at all?" You broke the comfortable silence that was in the air. Your anxiety gnawed at your heart.

"Where did that question come from?" Joseph looked at you and laughed; today you know that it was a strained laugh, uncomfortable, even. Avdol only looked at you with a raised brow.

Joseph laughing made your 17-year-old self feel insecure about your feelings. You averted your gaze to your hands and started fiddling with them. "I.. I don't know. To be honest, I've just been thinking about death a lot these past few days, I guess. Day 50 is about three days away as well.." you hesitated. "I'm just overthinking. Forget I said anything." There was a long stretch of silence that followed until Avdol spoke up.

"Death is inevitable. Each one of us is going to die one day." Avdol placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a light squeeze before continuing. "I'm not scared of dying, no. If I live my life to the fullest, I will never have regrets, and if I have no regrets, I can die without worries. It's the only way to fight the fear of death, and let me give you this piece of advice; it's how you live a happier life."

Joseph cleared his throat. The topic made him uncomfortable; you know that today. "You know, you're still young." He started. "I don't think you could die without regrets, even if you tried. You're still in high school; you have the whole world to see. I don't plan on letting you kids die, and neither am I letting Holy die. It's not your time yet."

He was right. It wasn't your time. Neither was it Noriaki's, Avdol's, or Iggy's. But unlike the aforementioned, you were lucky enough to survive the battle against DIO.

To be frank, you barely made it. DIO targeted you after he killed Noriaki. And just before finishing you off completely, Joseph attacked him. If it weren't for him, you'd have been mush on the sidewalk.

You were hospitalized for about a month and a half after the battle. Your parents were told you were in a car accident with your "research group". In reality, DIO dropped a car onto your body. Your stand protected you well enough from dying, but you still had grave injuries. Part of your lower spine and hip got crushed. They performed surgery, added some metal plates and some other high-tech stuff to your bones so you would be able to walk again, and you also had to get a kidney transplant. There was some more stuff to it, but you never bothered to remember what they did in detail. The memory stung too much.

None of your physical pain could even compare to what you felt emotionally, anyway.

Survivor's guilt honestly ate you up alive. It gnawed on your heartstrings and burned as if someone poured a bottle of chili sauce on your heart and lungs. You felt even more horrible when you couldn't attend Noriaki's funeral. Joseph was the only one to go. Jotaro felt too guilty to be there.

Speaking of, Jotaro frequently visited you in the hospital.

You would've thought that Jotaro wanted to forget all about the trip and bury it—and you—in the past. But no, he often came by. He paid more attention in class, you noticed, since he always brought you notes. He also helped you study.

You avoided the topic of the trip like the plague at first. Until you couldn't.

When you got out of the hospital, Jotaro and you spoke much more at school since you joined him on the roof during his smoke breaks (you picked up the habit as well, not your proudest moment). So, it was weird to not see you at school that day.

Jotaro has felt uneasy a few times in his life. That day was one of them. He knew that your parents weren't going to be home for another two weeks; you told him that they were on a month-long vacation overseas, which in turn meant that you'd been alone for a while. He would never have admitted it out loud back then, but he was worried about you, especially because, as he came to find out, you didn't call in sick that day either.

He got even more worried when you didn't open the door. He rang the bell at least six times and knocked for three solid minutes until he got sick of it. He used Star Platinum to open your door from the inside and let himself in. He was panicking, picturing a bloody mess in your room. He thought, maybe that one pawn of DIO's, that DIO wrote about in his diary, hunted you down to finish you off and get revenge. He pictured blood, a corpse—the most grotesque image you could think of—and his heart pumped harder with every step he took towards your room.

He busted your door down when he walked in. It might not have been graceful, but fuck it. He blamed the adrenaline later on.

The first thing Jotaro saw was shattered glass on the floor. It looked like it was a mirror once. The next things were your school supplies that were scattered everywhere, as well as dirt and a destroyed flower pot. Your wardrobe apparently joined the mess too. Its broken, wooden remains adorning the ground, and a lot of your clothes were at the center of it. If it hadn't been for your cowering form in the very back corner of the room, Jotaro would have thought you'd been robbed.

That night, you remember, they appeared in your dream. They, as in, your friends who didn't survive the trip. You were all meeting up in Jotaro's garden, and everyone was a little older. It was fun; it felt warm; it felt like home. There was laughter coming from Joseph and Avdol; they were laughing at Iggy and Polnareff, who were fighting as usual. Noriaki was helping Holy pour tea into everyone's cup, and you and Jotaro were on the side, smoking a cigarette.

That's how you knew it was a dream; you were smoking. You only started after the Egypt trip, much to your doctor's disappointment.

It was a beautiful dream. And it sucked. It sucked because it wasn't reality. It sucked because Iggy, Avdol, and Noriaki were dead, and they were never coming back.

When you woke up that day, you almost couldn't get out of bed. Your bed was comfortable; it was safe. Your room was safe. Until it didn't feel safe anymore.

The dream didn't trigger the breakdown. It was stupid (a comment your therapist would scold you for), actually. It was a dog barking in your neighbor's garden. This past week, you noticed that your neighbors got a new puppy. Also, guess what? Of course, the fucking puppy had to be black and white. During that time, you repressed all memories of the group, apart from when they appeared in your dream. However, for some fucking dumbass reason, that dog just brought everything back.

Your chest tightened in that moment. You knew the feeling of having to cry, and although you didn't want to, the tears just came. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem. You could wipe the tears, take a breath, and go about your day. That day, you couldn't.

Everything made you angry. You were extremely frustrated, and when you looked into the mirror, you didn't see yourself; all you saw was failure. You saw yourself as an utter, embarrassing failure. A mess that couldn't protect your friends for the life of you. The sight pissed you off. You grabbed the mirror and smashed it on the ground; the glass was in pieces on your floor. When you turned around, you saw your desk, your homework from the day prior still being there. Fuck it, fuck school, fuck every single thing. You didn't deserve it. Why did you get to do your homework when Noriaki, who should have been able to do it, was now a rotting corpse inside of an ugly casket with a huge ass hole in his chest? Fuck no. You threw it all on the ground, enraged that you would even have the nerve to go about your life normally. You throwing your homework on the ground also caused your flower pot to smash into pieces, joining the mess. While you were at it, you thought, there was a polaroid of you and three of your friends from school that was taken during the last summer festival in your town. It was hung up on your closet door. You were smiling in the picture, holding up a peace sign with one hand and a small fan with the other. Just who the fuck did you think you were to believe you deserved any sort of fun? You threw your closet onto the ground as well, the wood cracking as it hit the floor, coating your clothes with wooden splinters.

At the same time, you couldn't stop crying. The tears wouldn't stop, no matter what you did. Not only that, your usually silent hiccups turned into full-blown sobs, and your sobs started turning into screams. Your chest hurt, and it became difficult to breathe. You couldn't take a deep breath anymore; and to be honest, you weren't even sure if you were able to take a regular breath. Whenever you tried, a heartbroken sob would interrupt your attempt. Your inability to breathe made your heart pump faster in your chest, and it hurt. Everything hurt: your throat, your chest, your head, your hands. You were trembling but sweating, as if you ran a marathon; simultaneously, you felt cold as if you sat naked in fucking snow. You didn't know that it was a panic attack back then, you found that out when you went to therapy a few months later. At that moment, however, you felt as though you were dying.

"You're alive." Jotaro muttered when he saw you crouched in the corner that was opposite to your bed.

"I wish I wasn't." You replied with a hoarse voice.

"I know." was his reply as he sat down next to you on the ground. Jotaro usually never sat down on the ground.

You sat in silence until nighttime that day. He never left your side. And while he didn't hug you or tell you that everything would be okay, you felt safe.

You guys started talking about Egypt after that incident. Jotaro basically dragged you out of your broken-down room and to his place. Holy didn't ask questions for once when she saw you, which Jotaro appreciated.

That night, you opened up about how you felt about everything. Looking back, you know that it must have been really fucking hard for Jotaro to listen. Even though he acted like it didn't affect him that much, nowadays, you know how Jotaro felt, and still feels, about Egypt.

Weirdly enough, the trauma made you two bond even more than the entire Egypt trip. Your therapist says that is because the two of you share a traumatic experience that not many people can relate to.

Oh, yeah, your therapist. Jotaro told Joseph about your panic attack, who, in turn, made you go to the best therapist he could find in Japan. Your first therapist retired about ten years ago; now you have another one. Joseph, funnily enough, still pays for it, even though you're more than capable of footing the bill yourself. That senile old man forgets every single thing on this planet but somehow never forgets to pay that bill every month.

Your therapist got the same story your parents did: a car accident with your research group. Three of your squad members died; you got critically injured; yada yada. They helped you, though. Ever since you started, you have learned to deal with your emotions better. You also haven't destroyed your room since going.

Back to the past and how you and Jotaro bonded, though. Not only did you smoke cigarettes together during your lunch breaks at school, you met up a lot in private. You hung out and read manga together in silence. Often times you also played video games, a habit you two picked up after Noriaki died. Noriaki loved video games.

You learned to appreciate Jotaro a lot. You often stayed over at his place and learned about some of the things he was passionate about. Contrary to popular belief at school, Jotaro was extremely intelligent and started taking his studies seriously after Egypt. Often times, he was even top of the class when it came to his exams. He was also super into marine life, something you noticed when you visited his room for the first time. When you asked him to tell you about it, he didn't shut up for about two hours. You've never heard so many words come out of Jotaro's mouth, like, ever.

And while you were oblivious to it at first, he slowly started to occupy your thoughts.

It came gradually, your crush on Jotaro. At first, it was just you missing him on days you weren't hanging out together. Then, your heartbeat picked up when you spoke to him or saw him. You started to feel giddy when you met up and you started dreaming of him.

It was super fucking embarrassing.

But it also felt super fucking good to love Jotaro. You weren't going to say shit, though. Ever.

Your dynamic never changed. You and Jotaro were practically glued at the hip at some point. It was obvious that you were going to follow Jotaro to the USA for college when he proposed that he wanted to study marine biology in Florida.

When you and him went, you got an apartment from Joseph as a gift. The two of you were supposed to be roommates all throughout college. And, honestly, you hoped to be roommates for the rest of your life.

It was fun being roommates. It really was. Freshly eighteen and graduated, the two of you entered your apartment and lived to the fullest. You cooked together, watched movies, played video games, and, of course, you were there for each other when it was needed.

Even though the two of you were in therapy, night terrors were still frequent enough at that time. It was always the same pattern. One of you would wake up from the nightmare, wake the other up to talk and then you would go into the living room and talk about it, or just cry.

One of these nights was also the first time Jotaro hugged you.

Jotaro was the one with a night terror that time. The two of you were sat on the couch in the living room as he talked to you about Noriaki appearing in his dreams. You listened, as you usually did, and that was all he needed. He knew you understood, and he knew you were there. This exact stability gave both of you comfort. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and just held you. He didn't say anything, and you didn't think he needed to.

Although, looking back, you definitely interpreted that hug wrong. While it made your heart flutter, to Jotaro, it was nothing more than showing appreciation.

Jotaro introduced you to his girlfriend about three years after the two of you moved to the US. She was a lovely girl, blonde, perfect figure, beautiful face and a disgustingly sweet personality. All in all; she was the perfect package, and she looked fucking perfect next to your perfect, perfect Jotaro. Shit.

You wish you could say you hated her guts, but you couldn't.

You couldn't hate her, because Jotaro loved her. He loved her more than words could describe, and you knew it. You knew from his eyes, from his body language and from the way he talked about her.

Oh, and if all of that wasn't enough, he got her pregnant about a year after they got together, and the two of them got married in the same year (her parents insisted—they were very religious). If you look at their wedding pictures, you could see the bump under her dress. If you look at the wedding pictures again, you'll see yourself standing next to Jotaro with a big smile on your face. You're a great actress, you've got to give yourself that credit.

You moved out of the apartment about a month before Jotaro's daughter was born. They needed the space, and you didn't want to trouble the newlyweds with moving, so you sucked it up and left the apartment you called home for three years. Joseph was generous, as you'd come to notice. He had a single-bedroom apartment that he gifted you, and he claimed that it wouldn't feel right to him if you had to rent, especially as a college student. You took it, obviously.

Jolyne was a beautiful little girl. Jotaro made you her godmother; no questions asked. After he got married and had a kid, you'd think the two of you would lose touch, but no. Jotaro made sure to call you at least once a day and insisted on weekly meetups. You don't know if that was because he got so used to you that he couldn't live without your presence or because he knew that solitude made you spiral mentally, but you appreciated his efforts nonetheless. It felt good to be around Jotaro, even if it hurt to see him live a life you've been fantasizing of having with him.

Most importantly, however, you were a rock in Jotaro's life that he couldn't live without, and that feeling was mutual. Your therapist would call it an unhealthy attachment, but neither of you cared. You needed each other close.

"You're stressed." Your eyes locked with Jotaro's just a moment prior. The blue hue in them was as bright as ever, but his expression, the small furrow of his brow, and the slight twitch of his left nostril gave him away.

"Fucking figured that out from just a look? Good grief." He sighed as he averted his gaze. Jotaro couldn't pull his hat down to hide his embarrassment, as he would usually do. Ever since he got together with his wife, she asked him to take it off when they were home.

"I've lived with you for years, Jotaro. I can even figure out when you're about to shit your pants because you had a fucking McDonald's milkshake. Spit it out; what's bothering you?"

"She has the birthmark. I.. Fuck, I can't even sleep anymore." Jotaro and you were sitting on his balcony while you were taking a smoke. He stopped that habit before Jolyne was born, but picked it back up a few months later. He rubbed his temple as he closed his eyes.

"You're scared that this pawn of DIO's, that he wrote about in his diary, is gonna hunt her down one day, huh?" You replied, your eyes still locked on his form.

"I am. Yeah. Fucking terrified, actually. I never would've thought I'd become a softie like this."

"That's the parental instinct, Jotaro. It's love. You understand your mom a little better now, huh?"

"I do. I was a fucking bitch to her back then."

"You still are a bitch, you know?" You joked, putting out your now-finished cigarette.

"Shut the fuck up." He shook his head, though his lips were curled in a very small smile. He did this more often, ever since Jolyne was born.

"You know damn well you don't want me to shut up."

"You're right. I don't."

It was a Saturday night in 1999 when Jotaro rang you out of your sleep to tell you to join him on a trip back to Japan. He had to pay his uncle a visit. Yeah, uncle. Apparently, Joseph cheated on Suzie Q with a college student back in the early eighties. The Kujo/Joestar family was sort of a mess for a while afterwards.

The person you felt the most sorry for was Josuke, the kid. He was pulled into all of this for no reason.

Jotaro asked you to join him because he "needed your assistance" to track some enemy stand users who used an arrow that turned other people into stand users. You knew that he didn't need your help, but he wanted to get you out of your house. You remember that you felt like shit at that time, because your long-term boyfriend broke up with you. His reasoning was that he didn't feel like he was the love of your life and he wasn't wrong about that. You loved him, you really did, but he wasn't Jotaro. The love of your life would forever be Jotaro, no matter how many people you tried to date as a desperate attempt to dull the ache that your heart was consumed by every day. And, of course, you accepted Jotaro's offer to go together. You always would.

Morioh was an experience, to say the least.

Not only were there more Stand users than you'd ever seen in your life, it was also a strangely wholesome journey.

Josuke was a great kid, and so were his friends. The bond between everyone really warmed your heart, and you were happy that you got to be part of it. Although you had to admit that you certainly weren't prepared to find and fight an actual serial killer, who was, of course, a Stand user as well. Looking back at it, though, the kids were very reliable, Josuke almost defeated that Kira guy all by himself after all.

Josuke, Okoyasu, and Koichi also caused some embarrassing tension between you and Jotaro at some point.

"Ya know, it's actually super cute." Josuke grinned at you.

"What is?" You paused and set down your coffee cup. It was your last few days in Morioh, and you were at a café the kids frequented. Jotaro and you sat next to each other while Koichi, Okoyasu, and Josuke sat across from you. Joseph was also there with Shizuka, the baby he and Josuke found.

"The two of you. Why didn't y'all tell us you were married?" Okoyasu commented with a pout.

Jotaro and you exchanged looks with a raised brow. Then it clicked: Jotaro was wearing his ring.

"It's because we're not married." Jotaro deadpanned.

"Oh." All three of them got quiet. "We just.. We thought you were because of, uhm.. the ring. Sorry." Josuke averted his gaze.

"Don't worry, Josuke. I mean, the big, mean guy doesn't really talk much about his family. Do you guys even know he has a kid?"

You successfully changed the subject by bringing up Jolyne back then. The guys drilled Jotaro to tell them everything, and although he was never a big talker, he did talk about Jolyne. He adored her; everyone knew so. Jotaro's eyes lit up just a tiny bit whenever he could tell people about her. The subject change allowed you to stay for a few minutes before you made up an excuse to leave the guys. When you left the café, you immediately went to the cemetery. Coincidentally, Morioh was Noriaki's hometown and also his resting place.

You had never mustered up the courage to visit Noriaki's grave before. It felt weird, looking at the stone with his name, but regardless, you sat down in front of the grave and spoke to him. To anyone else, you probably looked like a maniac. You couldn't tell anyone else about your feelings for Jotaro and you figured Noriaki would enjoy an update on your life after twelve years, even if it was sort of depressing as fuck.

It felt liberating, telling Noriaki everything. Even if he wasn't physically in front of you, you felt as though he was right there, listening to every single word you had to say, and by the end of your monologue, you were crying.

What you didn't expect was Joseph standing next to you after you had been crying like a bitch at Noriaki's grave for a while. You jolted when he said your name.

"You know, the only reason you two didn't end up together was Jolyne, right? He loves you, but he's terrified of losing you." His older, raspy voice spoke softly.

"How would you even know that?" You questioned the old man, but you didn't make eye contact with him. Your eyes were glued to Noriaki's gravestone.

"Because I know what it looks like when you're someone's whole world. You're his world, and he can't lose that. Being your friend is easier than taking the risk of the two of you ever breaking up in the future."

Joseph's words made you cry again. They hurt even more than if Jotaro ever rejected you personally, because they meant that it was hopeless. No matter what, you could never, ever be with him.

Jotaro got divorced from his wife in 2002, three years after Morioh. By that time, you were a successful lawyer in a big firm, while Jotaro was a big researcher in marine biology; he even got a doctorate. You and him hadn't seen each other in a month at that point. Both of you were busy; Jotaro was often on trips for either the Speedwagon foundation, because of possible clues regarding that one friend of DIO's, or he was doing actual research regarding his job. You were busy because you thought that drowning yourself in work would help you move on from him. Spoiler alert; it didn't.

The way you found out about the divorce was when Jotaro showed up at your doorstep one day with a big suitcase in his hand.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You'd gotten home half an hour prior, so you were still dressed in your work attire.

"We filed for divorce. Can I move in for a while?" He asked, though; he had already made his way into your house. He knew you wouldn't say no.

And you didn't. You guys lived together for about five years after he moved in. He even paid half of the bills, and you almost felt like you did when you guys were still living together in college.

Living together with Jotaro was easy; it was warm, and it also fucking sucked. You couldn't avoid your feelings when the two of you were together all the time. Everything felt too fucking domestic, and it made you want to cry.

Jotaro was the perfect roommate; he made you guys breakfast whenever he wasn't on a trip. He cleaned up the house when you were working late; he went grocery shopping. Fuck, he even knew when you would be on your period and made sure you were stacked up on pads and painkillers. Since you only had one big bathroom in your rather small house, he kept the door open while he shaved his stubble, so you could brush your teeth and do your makeup for the day. You guys were basically acting like a married couple, except for the legal status and the romantic aspect.

You noticed that Jotaro wasn't truly happy, though, and you knew why. After getting divorced, Jotaro essentially abandoned Jolyne. The reason why Jotaro and his wife got divorced was because his ex was tired of him rarely being home. She lost feelings for him along the way and gave him the divorce papers about two days before he showed up at your doorstep. The divorce didn't hit Jotaro as hard, he told you. What did hit him was that he didn't see Jolyne much. They maybe saw one another once every two or three months. You felt sorry for her; the divorce hurt that beautiful girl and your heart broke for her. You visited Jolyne and her mother a lot, even after the divorce, because you wanted her to still have a small constant in her life. You supported her whenever you could. However, Jotaro asked you to not bring her to the house. He started distancing himself from her, because he was growing anxious the older she got. DIO's friend and the diary never left Jotaro's mind and he simply didn't want Jolyne to be in danger. You understood, so, slowly, you started distancing yourself too.

It was 2007 when Jotaro asked you to move back to Japan with him. Jolyne, who was 14 at the time, got arrested for car theft. Jotaro pulled the harshest dick move he could and told his ex-wife that he wasn't going to help her bail Jolyne out and that he got a job offer as a professor at Tokyo University, which he accepted. His ex didn't even have time to cuss him out before he hung up the phone. Jotaro had ultimately abandoned his daughter, and even if he tried to play tough, he was devastated because he didn't want to leave her behind.

Why did you know that? Well, Jotaro still had night terrors. So, of course, your old tradition of going to the living room to talk it out had been picked up again. Jotaro hated himself for abandoning Jolyne, but he kept saying that he'd rather cut all ties with her to keep her safe than watch her die in front of him. You agreed with him. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself either, if you were in his shoes.

Of course you agreed to follow him back to Japan; you'd follow him anywhere he went anyway; he didn't even need to ask. Home is where he is. Even if it meant quitting your job at the law firm.

You were more at ease in Japan anyway. It's home. Plus, you got to visit Josuke and the others in Morioh more often, and, of course, Noriaki's grave. The kids grew up a lot in the years you haven't seen them. Josuke got his doctorate to become a surgeon, Koichi worked as a criminal psychologist, and Okoyasu got a job as a police officer. Oh, and Koichi and Yukako got engaged. Yeah, they certainly weren't kids anymore.

When you moved back, Jotaro and you decided to move in together again. It proved useful with the bills, and you got used to one another's presence anyway. You definitely weren't complaining about spending more time with him. After he accepted the position as a professor, he had more time on his hands compared to when he worked in research. He was still trying to hunt down DIO's little buddy, though. Still, it wasn't as bad as before, and he was home a lot more.

You got a new job in the American Consulate of Japan about six months after moving back with Jotaro. It was pretty boring, but the bills got paid. During work, you always looked forward to the evenings when you got home, because usually Jotaro would have a meal prepared for the two of you. You started eating dinner together every night after some time. It was always one of you waiting for the other one to get home, then you would heat up the food and eat together, either in front of the TV, binging a show you liked, or you sat at the dinner table, where you would talk about anything and everything. It was nice seeing Jotaro let lose even if it was just a tiny bit.

It was about four months after moving to Japan when you and Jotaro began implementing a "besties day". It honestly was just a synonym for a date night, if you think back to it. The two of you would either go for a walk, go on a small road trip, or have dinner at a nice restaurant, and, at some point down the line, the energy between the two of you shifted. He started to put his arm around your shoulder while you'd watch a movie, and you'd play with his hand sometimes. You fell asleep on the couch so often that you guys just decided to sleep in the same bed and set up a TV in Jotaro's bedroom, your own bedroom basically turned into a room where you kept your clothes, nothing more.

It was on one of those evenings when you almost confessed your love to Jotaro.

You remember that the two of you were watching Zoolander on Jotaro's bed. He had his arm around your shoulder, and you were cuddled up to his side, his arm a heavy but welcome weight on your body. Jotaro was caressing your back as he stared at the TV, and his face got illuminated beautifully by the light of the TV. While Jotaro focused on the hilarious movie that played, your eyes were solely set on him. You took in how he had a few bags under his eyes, signaling that he was tired, and he wore his hair shorter compared to when you were teens, but the haircut complimented his face perfectly. From the side, his jawline and nose stood out to you. Jotaro had a light crook to his nose, but it looked good on him. Additionally, Jotaro was still a giant, muscular and tall (curse his amazing genetics and his gym habit.), just like when you were younger. Your heartbeat picked up in the moment, and you couldn't help but smile. Jotaro was so, so beautiful and you couldn't contain how happy all of this made you.

"You're so beautiful, Jotaro." You mumbled as you looked up to lock eyes with him.

"Where did that come from all of a sudden?" Jotaro stiffened for a moment, his eyes widening just slightly, before looking back at you.

"I dunno. I.. just felt the sudden need to let you know. I think you're so beautiful, Jotaro, I really do. Call me a sap or whatever, but I have never met a man as beautiful as you. Inside and out." You kept your eyes locked with his. Your words came from your heart and this would be the closest you could get to confessing your love to him without directly telling him.

Jotaro blushed just a hint, but you couldn't see it in the darkness. The movie might have lit up the room a tad, but it was not enough to make out the small pink hue on his cheek. He averted his eyes and pulled you closer to him while clearing his throat. There was a few minutes of silence before he spoke up.

"I think you're beautiful too."

You've never felt happier, but of course, it wasn't going to last.

It was January 21st of 2009 and you were just on your way out of a store. It would be Jotaro's birthday soon and you were out to shop for a present for him. You decided that a new watch would be appropriate, since he has been saying that he needed to get a watch soon. The watch you got was rather simple, a thick, silver wristband and the clock had blue details that accentuated the silver. Figuring silver would go perfectly with his skin tone, as it is more on the cool side, and the blue details would fit his eyes, you happily bought it for him and gripped the bag tightly when you left the store.

Since you were out late to avoid the massive rush-hour crowd, it was 10PM sharp when you reached the train station. You were alone and listening to music, when you noticed a figure close to where you were standing. It was a tall man you had never seen before, but you didn't really feel threatened by him. The man had long, white hair and sat on a bench, his eyes were entirely white, too and he held onto a cane. Thus, you figured he might be blind. You took out your phone, an iPhone 3G, a newly released phone that still shocked you. A touch screen was just super futuristic to you, considering you remember the old landline times. Geez, now you felt old. You sent out a text to Jotaro, telling him you're at the station and that you'd be home soon.

You waited for the train for roughly five minutes before you heard a loud bang, followed by a few more. A sharp pain spread throughout your body; first in your throat, then in your abdomen and in your legs, then you felt it in your shoulder. You heard the clunk of small metal pieces falling onto the floor.

You sink to the floor. You're falling into liquid, a lot of it pooling around you more and more by the second. You can't breathe, only gargling out because there is blood pooling in your mouth as well. It's cold, everything is cold. Your heart is pumping loudly in your chest and your head is getting foggier by the second. Did you really just get shot? But how? There was nothing there! You turn your head weakly, spitting blood out onto the pavement as you desperately try to inhale just a tiny bit of air. This can't happen. You can't die like this!

But you are.

You grab onto the bag you held in your hand tightly. The bag that carries Jotaro's birthday gift. Fuck, Jotaro? He's home, he's waiting for you. You have to call him, you have to get home to him! You can't leave him here, you can't go! You have to be there for him! Who will be there for him when you are gone? You have so much to say to him, you haven't even told him that you love him!

You look around. Your sight is getting increasingly foggy and your heart and lungs are burning. Everything is wet and hurts. Everything is hard. You're dying, you know you're dying. You're actively bleeding out in a random train station and you cannot do anything about it. You start to panic; your heart is picking up it's pace, and you choke on your own blood again.

All of a sudden, you hear Avdol's voice in the distance. Avdol? Why is Avdol speaking to you?

"Death is inevitable. Each one of us is going to die one day. I'm not scared of dying, no. If I live my life to the fullest, I will never have regrets, and if I have no regrets, I can die without worries. It's the only way to fight the fear of death- and let me give you this piece of advice; it's how you live a happier life."

You freeze. You have to call Jotaro, you have to call him right fucking now. Where the fuck is your god damn phone?! You spot it a few feet away from you, on the floor and try crawling your way towards it. As you do so, the blood keeps flooding out of your body, leaving a red, ugly trail on the white tiles of the station. Every move is excruciatingly painful, but you have to bite through it. Your only focus right now is calling Jotaro. You cannot leave this world before telling him.

You try crawling, but you can't go any further. Your limbs shake and you can't hold yourself upright anymore. Wait, that's it! Head in the Clouds! You haven't used it in years, but now, now you need it more than ever before. You called Head in the Clouds out to make it grab your phone; which it does, albeit slowly. Its grey, ghostly form mirrored your state. It was weak, but it still reached out to the small, square mobile device as you struggled to keep your eyes open.

It's just a few seconds, just a few more seconds, please! You keep repeating the word "please" in your head; you have to stay awake for just a few more seconds. You won't die here, you refuse to die here! There's so much more you want to do! You want to kiss Jotaro, you want to wake up next to him one more time! You want to hug him tight and go on another walk! You want to see his beautiful eyes reflected in the mirror as he shaves his face while you're brushing your teeth next to him! You can't go!

Avdol's words play in a loop in your head as you shakily try to unlock your tiny phone. Your bloody fingers smear the screen and your head keeps lulling to the side as you force yourself through these painful moments.

Avdol said you shouldn't have any regrets if you want to fight the fear of death. You have regrets, you're terrified of leaving this world.

You make it. You successfully dial Jotaro's number. You hear his voice on the other line.

"Hey, why are you calling? You just texted me. Everything okay?"

His voice. His beautiful, beautiful deep voice. God, you love his voice so much. It's such a warm sound for your soul. Never stop talking, Jotaro.

You spit out more blood as you try taking any sort of breath. Your voice is barely there as you choke out his name.

"J-Jo... Jota...ro.."

Jotaro calls out your name, his voice sounds serious now. Worried, even. You can't answer him. He calls out your name louder.

"This isn't fucking funny! What's wrong?! Are you okay?!"

Wow, he sounds like he's panicking. Or does he? You're not sure anymore. His voice is far away. You want him to keep saying your name, but not like this. You don't want him to worry, you want him to be happy. Will he be happy? Can he move on when you're gone? He has to. You know he won't have a choice.

Maybe it's better to die regretful than hurting him even more. He'll feel guilty, if you tell him you love him. He shouldn't feel guilty, you don't want him to. It's okay, you think. He doesn't need to know.

You muster up a big breath, your body feels light. It doesn't hurt anymore. You're still cold and it's wet, but it's okay. Your heartbeat slows down.

"J-Jojo.. I'm.. okay.. " He hates the name. You know he does. But it's easier on your voice right now.

"Where are you?! Are you still at the station?! Were you attacked?!"

He sounds scared. Please don't be scared, Jotaro. Please don't be scared for me, you think.

"'m.. okay. Don't-" you cough up a little more blood. "It's not your fault, Jojo.. It never was."

You won't tell him. He's scared. He will be hurting even more. You can't do that to him.

"What the fuck do you mean "not my fault"? Tell me where you are, please! Are you hurt?!" Jotaro's voice is cracking. He's yelling into the phone.

You can't feel your arm anymore and your eyes lose focus. Your phone drops to the floor, next to you, right into the crimson pool around you. Your head is pounding and you feel so, so tired. You can close your eyes for just a second, right?

You see Iggy in front of you when you open your eyes again. He's wagging his tiny tail as he bites your hand softly to wake you up. When you look around, you see Avdol, shaking his head slightly as he crosses his arms, but then he gives a small smile. Noriaki is crouching next to you and smiling sadly.

"I wish we didn't see you again this soon. But destiny has its own plans, huh?" Noriaki spoke. His voice was soft, so soft. He still sounds this same. You feel warmer, somehow and there's no wetness clinging onto your clothes anymore. Noriaki takes your hand as he helps you get up.

"Come on, we have to go."

"Go where?"

"To the other side"

You hesitate. But then Avdol takes your other hand and Iggy walks ahead of you guys with a joyful bark. Everything feels warm here, it's so nice.

"Okay."

So, you go. You disappear with the three of them and you feel happy. You don't mind having to wait in order to see Jotaro again one day.

It's January 31st of 2009 at 8PM when Jotaro stands in front of your gravestone. He brought you a bouquet of white roses, which he lays down gently at your resting place. He is wearing the watch you bought on the day you died. If you were still here, you'd probably be overjoyed to see him wearing it.

Joseph is next to him, the two men staring down at the cold stone.

"I loved her. I loved her more than anyone I have ever loved in my life." Jotaro speaks up after half an hour of just standing in front of your grave.

"I know." Joseph just replies, one hand on his cane and his other hand placed softly on Jotaro's shoulder. If you looked at the pair closely, you'd see Jotaro's shoulders shaking just a tiny bit.

Jotaro was the love of your life. But sometimes, destiny has other plans for people who truly love each other.

So, yeah, love really fucking sucks for Jotaro and you.

#jotaro x reader #jjba #jjba x reader #jotaro kujo #jojos bizarre adventure #heartbreak

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yanderes-galore · 1 year ago

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Based on a poll I did. I wanted to do a short story but couldn't find enough ideas for a plot. This is mostly just me spilling potential fic ideas. Lemme know if you all like this idea :D

Yandere! Demon Lord! Reinhardt Concept/Ideas

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Attempts at forced marriage, Dubious relationship, Possessive behavior, Violence, Implied murder, Ownership.

A lot of this has to be HC because the actual even doesn't say much.

In the event all we know is Reinhardt takes the role as a Demon Lord who wants to rule the world with demons.

He lives on Mount Malevento which is like a volcano.

That's about all we get as even his role isn't taken seriously, lol.

So I feel you could write him in two ways.

A sadistic demon lord who wants to rule the world and make life Hell for everyone.

Or he's a bit misunderstood, actually being rather lighthearted rather then sadistic but keeps the same goal of ruling the world.

The second idea would bring out Reinhardt's usual persona more.

Either way how you'd most likely meet through kidnapping.

Y'know, it's the traditional tale of a royal being kidnapped by a dragon or demon.

You could be a royal, a close friend of the Queen, or maybe even a civilian.

You're picked seemingly by random or because Reinhardt sees you as a bargaining chip.

I feel the dynamic would be you two slowly getting to know each other while you're a prisoner.

For this I'd imagine Reinhardt has a castle on top of Mount Malevento.

He'd keep his darling there in a cell until he can trust them.

Of course I could have this concept and story go the usual way of sadistic demon with unfortunate darling.

But I'm actually partial to the idea of Reinhardt being misunderstood.

Like, for a Demon Lord he's strangely jovial.

Even though he has you in a cell, he comes to speak to you himself and often asks all about you.

It's strangely innocent as he makes sure you have perfect hospitality.

Demonic servants are at your beck and call because their Lord has a strange adoration towards you.

This version of Demon Lord! Reinhardt is my favorite as it still feels like Reinhardt?

He gives you grande meals to your taste, he offers you clothes, and punishes any other demon who lays a claw on you.

For looking like such an intimidating ruler, he really is softer than he looks.

There is still some sadism but he treats you well.

I imagine this could be a darker version of "Beauty and The Beast" except Darling is GN.

A twist that could be done is Reinhardt is actually just acting really sweet to tempt you.

That could add in incubus elements along with other ideas of "temptation" usually involved with traditional demons.

Perhaps Reinhardt is actually slowly making you used to him.

Soon you're not in a cell and instead in your own room, decked out in reds and blacks while lined with gold.

Reinhardt makes everything seem like a dream.

Who knew the big scary "evil" Demon Lord was actually such a nice guy?

Reinhardt's plan is probably to make you fall for him willingly.

He'll go through the slow a meticulous courting process... then maybe even convince you to marry him.

That would mean all his sweetness is just for his own benefit in the end.

It could all be a facade just so he can get you as his little spouse.

Imagine if you began to realize his true nature?

You've seen how he treats all the other demons, he's brutal.

Yet he's so sweet with you?

Like he isn't a corrupt demon who murders?

I think if you stopped being receptive to his jovial and sweet persona he'd swap his tune rather quickly.

Once he realizes he isn't winning you over anymore you'll probably see the more fierce persona.

You're going to love him like he planned, like it or not...!

"Do you really think you can ignore me that easily, dear?"

I imagine if you rebel he's going to not mind giving you Hell.

He may berate you more or be more forceful since you aren't complying.

He's given you everything and you toss it back in his face?

Unbelievable.

Reinhardt would be the type to force you into his lap while on his throne.

He feels you belong to him.

He tried being nice, he tried treating you like you were equals...

But that isn't working, is it?

As a result, he'll just need to rush things.

Soon you'll learn fighting him is pointless.

A Demon Lord always gets what he wants.

He'll be treated as a king!

Even if you'll no longer consent to marriage willingly, that can change.

I feel this would be a good way to incorporate Reinhardt being sadistic while also being himself.

Go along with things and you'll be treated like royalty by the large demon.

Despise him and fight... then he'll show you how real demons act.

Overall, Demon Lord! Reinhardt could ironically make your life Heaven with the cost being your freedom and loyalty to him.

Or he could make your life Hell if you try to leave him and his generous hospitality.

#yandere overwatch #yandere reinhardt #yandere overwatch reinhardt #yandere demon lord reinhardt

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jebewonmorelike · 1 year ago

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Welcome, Player...

⁺⋆✰ Steal Your Heart; An OT9 + Reader Insert AU Interactive Fanfiction Game

TLDR; In this new ZeroBaseOne interactive AU fanfiction game, the reader plays as the 10th member of a K-Pop group mistreated by their company and on a downward spiral. One day, there's a glitch in the matrix-- causing our reader to enter the "Metaverse", where they receive special superpowers through the birth of their true self in the form of a Persona. What if the members of ZeroBaseOne can band together as the Phantom Thieves to take down their company and save themselves from their fate?

An interactive game featuring hand-edited media, polls, and a points-system that gives the reader their own specially-tailored ending (will determine which love interest they end up with). Will be just as funny as it is angsty, I promise.

⁺⋆✰ Game Score Sheet

⁺⋆✰ Masterlist

⁺⋆✰ Part One Available Now!!

Warnings: PG-13+ Themes, Angst, Drinking, Mistreatment by Company, Slight Suggestiveness, Crime, Mild Violence (Specific Warnings Listed On Each Chapter)

All are welcome to read/play: our reader insert will not be referred to by ANY pronouns (including they/them) -- so that all readers can feel immersed! Reader is the 10th member of ZeroBaseOne, but the group will be referred to as an idol group, not a boy group or a mixed-gender group. It's just fiction, so use your imagination to make it however you like!!

Part One Coming Very Soon (Character Profiles, Reader's Persona Awakening, and the explosive start to our game!!)

Please continue to the introduction below...

Would you like to start a new game?

Excellent! The story in question features the nine members of ZeroBaseOne (well, 10 actually; including you, dear Player!) and their journey both in the real world and the Metaverse to defeat a company that has taken advantage of them for years. But before we get too far into the plot, let me introduce myself. I'm Kara, aka jebewonmorelike and I'll be your Game Master. I'll check in with you at the beginning of every chapter to give you reminders, content warnings, and any miscellaneous info you might need.

Get it, got it, good, Player?

Perfect! I think we're gonna get along just fine.

I'm sure by now you've realized that this is no ordinary work of fanfiction. No, no. It's something a bit different. A bit special, even.

If you choose to continue reading, there's a few things you should know...

You're about to play a game -- a game that's story and ending depends on the choices you make along the way.

Sounds cool, right?

I know! I can't take all the credit, though. This fanfiction game is heavily-inspired by the JRPG game Persona 5. What is Persona 5 about? The great part is that, honestly, it doesn't really matter whether you've had experience with the game or not in order to play the game I've designed for you today...

Don't sweat it! I'm gonna explain everything you need to know right now and it's nothing you should find too complicated. How does that sound, Player?

Wonderful! I had a good feeling about you right from the very beginning, Player.

Our story is, of course, about a group called ZeroBaseOne... Or, well... To be more precise, it's a story about a group that used to be called ZeroBaseOne. A little over a year ago, some sh*t went down and turned their whole world upside down forever.

While all ages and genders are welcome to play this game (our OC is pronoun-free!), there might be some mature themes in this game. Nothing too crazy-- swearing, mild violence, angst, drinking, crime, some suggestive themes, and, above all, bringing justice to a company that mistreats its talent...

Are you okay with a PG-13+ rated game, Player?

Great! And, don't worry: there will be plenty of comedy, too. Comedy, to me, is essential to any plot. I think you're gonna really like this game! I hope. *Sigh*

Aw... Thank you, Player. I appreciate the reassurance. I've been second-guessing my writing for months now and--... Oh, sorry, back to the description of the game!

Like I was saying, ZeroBaseOne doesn't really look much like the one we know in real life. Instead, the members are a bit older, a bit more worn out and, honestly, having a pretty rough go of it at this point. And whose to blame for that?

You're so smart, Player! Of course it's their company. I'd like to just state quickly that this game is just that-- a game. Fictional; a story! No agencies or people in this game are representative of real life things. Especially not their fictional company. *Bombastic side-eye*.

So why did I decide to make this game? Well, we all love reading fanfiction. But wouldn't it be even more fun if the reader had a say in the story? If the reader's choices led to the creation of their own specially-crafted fanfiction just for them?

Maybe, by now, you're wondering just what exactly are you playing this game to win? Well it's what almost everybody wants a shot at in life... Love. Throughout this game, you will make decisions that will give you points towards different group members. Keep track of your score and, at the end of the game, the member who you've earned the most points for will determine your ending (and your love interest).

All game resources will be listed in the description of each chapter, at the top and bottom of this introductory post, and on the Steal Your Heart masterlist. There will be many opportunities to interact with this game and it will include a lot of hand-edited graphics to look at it! I hope you enjoy them, as I've planned them quite tediously.

I wish I could accept the compliment, but alas... I am no angel. I'm just your Game Master. Feeding you the story, presenting you with choices...

It's up to you, Player, to make the story that you want.

Alright-- enough small talk! I think you're more than ready to get started with our game.

So, what do you say, Player?

Are you ready to begin a game where, as a member of ZeroBaseOne, you lead your group members to gain back their inner strength, develop magical powers and defeat the company that has ruined your lives for far too long-- and find love along the way?

Then by all means, Player...

Please Select From The Chapter Menu Below:

Part One ☾⋆⁺₊✧ The Fool ✩₊˚.⋆ The Beginning

Part Two ✩₊˚.⋆ Chariot ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Kim Gyuvin

Part Three ☾⋆⁺₊✧ The Lovers ✩₊˚.⋆ Kim Jiwoong

Part Four ✩₊˚.⋆ The Magician ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Han Yujin

Part Five ☾⋆⁺₊✧ The Emperor ✩₊˚.⋆ Shen Ricky

Part Six ✩₊˚.⋆ Justice ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Seok Matthew

Part Seven ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Faith ✩₊˚.⋆ Kim Taerae

Part Eight ✩₊˚.⋆ The Hermit ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Park Gunwook

Part Nine ☾⋆⁺₊✧ The Empress ✩₊˚.⋆ Sung Hanbin

Part Ten ✩₊˚.⋆ The Priestess ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Zhang Hao

Part Eleven ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ The Finale

Steal Your Heart Masterlist Steal Your Heart Game Score Sheet

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barelyahumanbeing · 4 months ago

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Hi, welcome to my sideblog for original stories of fantasy, love and creatures! 🥀

I'm Debs and I've been on Tumblr for a while. During this time my content has been 100% dedicated to fanfiction, but this is my new space for non fanfic writing. I wanted to go back to this type of content for a long time and finally I did! I'm very excited about this project and I hope you have a great experience here as well 🖤

Important info about me, the content I'll be posting here and guides below the cut 🥀

About me

Name Deborah, but I'd rather be called Debs, as my irl friends call me like this

Pronouns she/her

Age 30

Country Brazil

What I do for a living I'm a History student and work at a part time job. Though I have accounts in other social media, Tumblr is the only one I "consistently" produce content to

Other info

I'm an INFP / my instinct stacking is SP/SX

Portuguese is my first language, but I've been writing and communicating in English for years and can read a bit of Spanish

I've always loved horror, fantasy, scifi and classic literature, and all these references has leaked into the content I've produced in different phases of my life. Recently, I've started writing content for anime fandoms, so this is probably the latest type of media to enter my list of inspirations. It'll certainly appear in this blog as well, yet I'll try not to write for specific fandoms, focusing on "fantasy" and "monster love" and original stuff instead of fanfiction

Links to my content

My main blog @cafeinthemoon93

My fanfiction sideblog @cafeinthemoon

My fanfiction lists @cafeinthemoon-lists

Find my personal posts and messages at #barely a human thought (soon)

Find my asks at #barely a human ask (soon)

Find my polls here at #barely a human poll

My ao3 account

My Quotev account

My Carrd

Rules, interacting with this blog, content and other important stuff

What I write I'll be writing "monster/creature x reader" stories. In some cases I might name the characters, but there'll be explainable reasons for this, otherwise I'll keep everyone "nameless" just like in most fairy tales. I plan to bring stories with elves, merfolk, mutants, aliens, forest creatures, mythological beings and others. I also want to write for non specified creatures. Though I don't write extreme/explicit content, the characters are always adult in my stories unless I specify them differently, so my content are primarily directed to adults

What I don't write Just like in my fanfiction content, I won't write noncon, underage, extremely dark content and explicit stuff. I also won't write for werewolves, vampires and zombies, specifically. I know they're very popular in fantasy and that writing for them might help to attract a greater number of people, but I just don't want to create content with them, and I'm not worried about gaining "fame". I just want to have fun. Also, that doesn't mean I won't write about creatures that resemble them 😉

Gender and pronouns I'll be writing all female reader x male or genderless creature. This is the only dynamics I'm able to write, for I work from my particular perspective. In the case of creatures with no specified gender, I'll be using "they/them", otherwise it'll always be "he/him". If you're not okay with this, don't send hate. Just seek for writers who create content that align with your preferences. There's space for everyone 😉

Warnings and triggers Just like in my fanfics, my stories are generally SFW, but I use to include steamy content and non explicit sex, as well as mentions of violence. I use warnings in all my stories, but in case you spot something that should appear in the warning content section, don't hesitate in telling me so. I'm not perfect and I might miss some things 🥴

About the word monsterf- and how I'll tag my stories I won't use this word to tag my content, but I'm totally okay if you want to classify my work as such. I'm new to this world and Idk if this is a sensitive topic among the community, but my personal opinion is that it sounds pejorative, and I see people laughing at its use. I don't approve laughing at this type of content, of course, but I'd rather use other terms like "monster love" and "monster romance", even though they don't have the same reach and impact

Asks and requests I'm accepting asks, including anon ones, and I'm open to new ideas for stories, but I won't be taking requests for headcanons for now due to my little time (besides irl responsibilities I have my fanfic content, so...). Maybe I'll take requests in the future, but for now I think it's too soon. Anyways if you have any doubts and want to discuss important points under the theme of this blog, I'll be happy 😊

What's not accepted I won't tolerate any forms of hate and prejudice, whether towards my content or other people. Spam and harassment won't be tolerated as well. The only possible responses for this type of thing are block and delete 🚫

If you've read until this point, tysm! I'm really happy to have you here and I hope you have great fun 🖤🥀

#fantasy story #fantasy series #monster lover #monster romance #dark fantasy #monster x human #monster x reader #monster x fem!reader #barely a human poll

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peachymilkandcream · 10 months ago

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Break Me Slowly|Part 24|Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: It's crazy to think that chapters running alongside the show are going to end soon since we only have two more episodes of season 4 part 2 and then the two specials, one chapter per special (hopefully). This series really is coming to an end and it's so bitter sweet to be honest. Now that's not to say I'll be done with these two, I have two AUs I plan on making full series' eventually (inspired by your guys' requests actually) as well as oneshots. But there is a sense of completion knowing this series I've wanted to write for years is actually a thing that people can go read and enjoy. Thank you guys for all your support, and there will be a poll shortly to determine the next series we do. Comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

==============================================

Evelyn was unable to meet Levi's gaze the moment they were left alone. Everyone else was planning for their attack on the Jeagerists, forcing the husband and wife into an uncomfortable silence. Or rather, it was Evelyn who found the silence uncomfortable. As per usual Levi didn't find positions like this awkward or tense, in fact he reveled in seeing her squirm. He was sizing her up yet again, waiting for her to screw up and show him all of her true and embarrassing feelings.

"So it seems my wife loves me after all."

"I bet in this state you couldn't stop a blanket from smothering you."

"I have this gut feeling you wouldn't do that."

"You want to try your luck?" Her fists clenched.

He shrugs haphazardly. "Maybe I am."

Her hands tighten around a folded blanket, he always did this, she would find herself getting along with him and seeing him as something more than an asshole and then he pulled this shit. She should do humanity a favor and take every ounce of life from his chest. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't do it.

"You're right. I won't."

"That's what I thought." Levi pauses. "So why did you defend me. You could have spilled your guts and I bet they would have backed you up all the way."

"I told you, I need you. I doubt Reiner has enough money or reputation hidden in the now flattened Marley to raise a child. You have more than I ever could offer, I already told you all of this though. Is there a need to keep bringing it up besides to torment me?"

"Maybe I enjoy tormenting you. After the shit you've put me through you could use a taste of your own medicine."

"After all I put you through huh. Listen Levi, we don't have to like each other, we just have to get along. For our child's sake."

"How long did you know before you told me. You never said."

"They had me take a test in Marley, wanting to make sure they didn't have more problems to deal with I guess They told me right after."

"And you didn't think to tell me sooner?"

"Cleaning up a body didn't seem an appropriate time dear."

"That's the other thing I can't wrap my head around. You've killed, but only long after you witnessed me do the same thing. Why didn't you use that as your ticket out."

"I don't know. Part of me almost felt a sense of safety, as sick as that sounds. I knew that no matter what you'd be able to protect me from someone worse than you. And then when things got too much-" She sighs. "I see why you do what you do. All my stress, gone. That's all it took."

"It seems I was right about a lot of things."

"Hm." She doesn't give a full answer, but there would be time for that eventually.

"Evelyn, are you ready?" Mikasa breaks their silence, it was up to Evelyn to try and convince Floch to let out the mechanics. Since in the Jeagerists' minds she helped start The Rumbling they trusted her. She was almost as respected as Eren himself. This would be it, this would be her moment, finally she wouldn't be a coward.

"Ready." She stands, glancing back at Levi and pressing a kiss to his lips. "I'll be back soon." She brushes a hand through his hair before following Mikasa.

As the two rejoin the others Mikasa glances at Evelyn out of the corner of her eye. "You two seem to be on good terms."

"Hm? It's nothing."

They go into a brief silence before Mikasa breaks it. "I know you're my superior, but you've been there for all of us, you know we're here for you too."

Smiles had become rare to Evelyn's face as of late, but now she shows one. She cared for these Scouts like they were her children. "I know Mikasa. Listen, when this is all over I'll invite everyone over and we can all catch up, okay? I know I've been missing in action lately, but I promise I'll make it up to you guys."

Mikasa doesn't return her smile but nods approvingly. "Eren too?"

"Eren too."

==============================================

Evelyn never really learned how to handle her nerves, Levi could look death in the face and never bat an eye but she wasn't so strong. She was human. So the thought of facing Floch and trying to sell this lie was terrifying. How Reiner and Annie could go for years getting people to believe their stories she didn't know. But if she made it out of this she'd surely see them in a new light.

She was permitted to enter without question, everyone wondering how on earth she had survived the Cart Titan and where she had been. Relief flashed the faces of those so deluded into thinking what Eren was doing was morally acceptable. The sight twisted her stomach with guilt.

Floch had never looked so smug, like he was king of the world lording power over the Azumabitos. With the way he eyed her now her suspicions seemed a bit more founded, part of her wondered if Floch had it in his mind that they could become an item, not out of romantic feelings but pure political gain. After all, he believed Levi was dead and surely he wanted a way to secure his rightful place at Eren's side. Unfortunately for him, she found him revolting.

"What happened to you? We all saw you get eaten by the Cart, we're so happy you're alive." He hugs her, and she has to fight back the urge to cringe, Floch always described himself as a "nice guy" and Evelyn had come to learn that anyone who described themselves as nice were never all that nice.

"The Cart and Armoured believed that I was still on their side but had been kidnapped. They were trying to rescue me, but when I told them the truth of my allegiance they fled, which way they went I'm not sure. They took me to the middle of no where and I had to walk back, I was too exhausted to transform so I was stuck on foot." She felt a slight relief when he released her, greatly unappreciative of him believing he could take liberties with invading her personal space.

"Well you're safe now." He turns away and to the Azumabito engineers. "To catch you up, we've purged the enemies of Eldia, and I was just about to do so with these foreigners."

"What happened to Commander Erwin?"

"He's still alive, he'll draw Hange out of her hiding spot, but he's secured enough that she'll have a hell of time getting him out. And once we have her too and confirm Levi's death both of those traitors will join them."

"Very efficient Floch." She forces her tone to remain even.

Floch nods in appreciation and raises the barrel of the gun to Kiyomi Azumabito's head, just before Evelyn steps in to stop him Armin's voice comes from outside, mercifully making Floch step back.

Catching Kiyomi's eye Evelyn offers a subtle wink to let her know that the situation is under control, but whether she understood or not was something she couldn't worry about right now.

Armin explains their fabricated scenario regarding the Cart and Armoured Titan, urging Floch to take action and release the engineers before running off to secure the boat.

Floch steps back and seems to hesitate, unsure of whether to believe Armin or not.

"What are you doing Floch, you heard him we have no time to lose!" Evelyn prayed her fake panic sounded convincing enough.

"Something just isn't adding up."

"Like what-" She hid her hands behind her back so he wouldn't see how they trembled.

"The locomotive is the fastest way to get here and yet they came on horseback knowing the Cart was ahead of them. Why would they do that...?"

"Maybe they just panicked?" She offers sheepishly.

"Armin would never panic." He paces back and forth, thinking, drawing out the sweat on Evelyn's forehead as she prayed he would stop questioning it and let them come down. "My gut tells me this is trouble, so it's time to nip some buds." He poised his gun at the head of Kiyomi's head, forcing Evelyn into action.

Shots fired as she pushed him down. He was big than she was but growing up in the Underground where you learned how to hold your own against grown men as a child he was no challenge at all. Other soldiers rushed into the room to see what they problem was, guns trained on Evelyn but hesitant to fire.

"Idiots, quit standing there and blow her away!"

Before they had an opportunity to follow through on these orders Mikasa crashed through the window, stunning the soldiers and throwing them to the ground like ragdolls, her timing couldn't have been more perfect.

"Kiyomi run!"

The sudden movement of the Azumabitos fleeing to safety caused Evelyn to lose her focus momentarily, which proved to be a fatal mistake.

Using his gear, Floch propelled himself out from under her and through the already broken window, swinging high above the building.

"We're under attack! Mikasa, Evelyn, Connie and Armin have switched sides! They've betrayed Eldia! Kill them!"

It seemed the entire base froze still, former comrades unable to believe what they had just heard. But they quickly sprung into action, firing on their former friends, determined to wipe them out for the good of humanity.

Mikasa and Evelyn switched into gear, leading the engineers to safety and away from the reign of bullets. The basement would be the safest until Reiner and Annie could get the port under control.

The plan had failed.

==============================================

The engineers safely in the capable hands of Hange, Jean and Magath, Evelyn and Mikasa focused their efforts one protecting those boarding the ship. Slaughtering Jeagerists, too many Jeagerists. Too many friends. All cut down because of greed.

The Titans in play taking too much damage to the the thunder spears, she had to do something. Without the Titans they'd never win this fight, she had to act now.

Without a second thought she dived off the building, biting deep down into her wrist, light surrounding her as the familiar body built around her.

Evelyn rarely used her Titan, afraid of the damage she could accidentally cause to innocents, but now wasn't the time for caution and morality. It was the time for action.

This was it was easier, swatting down those she used to command and fight alongside was easier when it was from this distance. Their faces weren't as close, she could see into their eyes as the life faded from them. A hailstorm of bullets and thunder spears reigned down on her, she was taking damage and fast. There was a chance she could die here, there was no Levi to save her. But it was worth it, it was all worth it to atone for the deaths she had caused.

When all hope seemed to be lost they rallied, slaying all those who opposed them and filling the sea with blood. What felt like an eternity passed before they were given the signal to board the ship. Never was she so relieved to leave that wretched body she had been cursed with.

When they finally sailed off she could breathe a sigh of relief. She felt like a slight bit of her guilt left, she wasn't as much of a horrid monster that she had been hours before. Maybe there was redemption for her cowardice after all.

Paradis faded into the distance, their send off a display of fire and light due to Magath's brave sacrifice. So many had given their hearts and souls because of her mistakes, but she would avenge them, she would avenge all of them.

She would pay for her sins, their sacrifices would not be in vain.

#break me slowly #levi x oc #attack on titan #levi ackerman #levi aot #levi x reader #shingeki no kyojin #yandere levi #yandere levi ackerman #yandere levi x reader

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sasheneskywalker · 2 months ago

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too shy to come off anon since eng is 5th lang but vvv interested in the omegaverse poll so wanted to just spill guts for a bit here.

I think Dick is particularly flexible to give a secondary gender to? So I'm really liking to see how people tilt to one side abt him LOL, it's interesting! Honestly, I dont mind any alpha/omega/beta signing for most characters as long as the portrayal hits. There's a lot you can do for Dick with any of the secondary genders, making him not to conform to some ideals as well as explore his struggles in diff ways.

Just throwing ideas out but maybe the beta assignment helps explore his peacemaker qualities with his family and can be used to balance the whole wayne family as a whole, the alpha one will bring more into light his issues with 'temper' (not really saying temper in terms of anger, but I love how at times he can be hardened and a little assholeish due to his pain, grief and upbringing and yet when confronted with it, is also someone who can evaluate himself well etc etc, it's wonderful) (more parallels with Bruce, more projection BY Bruce??) stuff like that! Beta and Alpha is what I tilt towards LMAO, but there's for sure so much to be explored by him being an Omega, it's just... not my cup of tea if I think about his position in the narrative as a whole (not just position in the batfam, but most incidents that've happened to him) and considering what social dynamics are usually in ABO verses.

But that depends from person to person! I just can't see him as an omega unless we're not including omega discrimination in society (which is fair!) but different strokes for different folks. It's just not a narrative vibe for me.

Somehow though, JASON is 100% an omega to me in any case so idk, (will explode if his 'agression' is ever inherent to him, pushing typical alpha traits on him just makes me offput + omega jason is fun to explore narratively to me in juxtaposition to alpha/beta dick too!)

Anyhow, it's so cool how people do have diff designations for every character, this was fun, tq! Would love to hear ur thoughts :)

thank you for sharing your thoughts! (don't worry, english also isn't my native language. and your english is great! also, you know five languages? mad respect.)

i didn't include the "beta" option on the poll because i wanted to see which "extreme" people would pick and now i regret it a bit. i was curious how other people hedcanon him, especially considering there's an entire fandom event dedicated to omega dick.

i've had the exact same thoughts as you. if we're going with traditional omegaverse traits and assuming personality is in some way influenced by the dynamic, i can see dick as every dynamic (alpha, beta, and omega). beta dick as a peacemaker, balancing the family. alpha dick as a leader, determined and persistent with a bit of a temper and a manipulative streak. omega dick as an empathetic and supportive person, the heart of the dcu. (also, a nature vs nurture debate in the context of omegaverse would be very interesting.)

i'm a big fan of making the omegaverse world mirror real-life, including discrimination and darker aspects, but i know it's not everyone's cup of tea. i can see omega dick fiercely fighting against the stereotypes that omegas are weak and shouldn't be heroes and struggling under other's people expectations (especially bruce's) compounded by his dynamic.

i think no matter which dynamic you pick for him, it recontextualizes a lot of his history and you can have a lot of fun theorizing which canon events or relationships would change depending on his dynamic (and your overall omegaverse worldbuilding).

i also headcanon jason as exclusively an omega. i like that jason at first glance seems very traditionally masculine: a muscular and tall antivillain/antihero with loose morals who uses guns and has a vendetta. but he also has traditionally feminine traits: as robin he deeply cares about abused women and victims of sexual violence, he reads romance novels, and he cries and shows his emotions openly. making him an omega contrasts his image as red hood even more. i imagine being an omega villain/crime lord would be particularly difficult and opens the door to metaphorically exploring his feelings about gender and people's perceptions of him. (that's also why i like fem!jason and trans!jason stories.)

thank you for sending the ask, i had a lot of fun answering it <3

#sashene answers #dc #dick grayson #jason todd

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best-underrated-anime · 10 months ago

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Best Underrated Anime Group L Round 2: #L5 vs #L8

#L5: Underground boxer loves vampire doctor (BL)

#L8: Teenage girl and her friends literally hack society

Details and poll under the cut!

#L5: Mignon

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[Note on video: Lots of blood. Slight NSFW at the end. Turn on CC for English subs.]

Summary:

After losing his parents at a young age, Mignon lives as a mechanic by day and a cage fighter by night at an illegal arena. Living a life of exploitation and violence, the only person who gives him any attention is Oh Young-One, the resident doctor at the arena.

Despite accidentally discovering Young-One’s true identity, Mignon continues to love him, and it’s this pure kind of love that lets Young-One slowly open his heart. But when the hellish reality surrounding Mignon starts threatening the stability of Young-One’s life, can these two ever find happiness?

Propaganda:

Mignon is an independently-made BL aeni (Korean anime). There are only 12 episodes, and each is around 5 minutes long, except for the last one which is at around 8 minutes. Watching everything is like watching a short film, and not just because of the length, but also because of its quality.

The story is really short, so much so that we don’t get to see how Mignon and Young-One develop feelings for each other (It’s easy to guess why though). We’re thrusted right into the turning point of their relationship, with episode 1 ending with a shocking revelation that immediately propels you into the rest of the story. And by “shocking,” I don’t mean it was unexpected. It’s shocking in a way that its execution ingeniously builds up the tension before exploding right in your face.

The plot is nothing new in the yaoi genre, but Mignon makes up for this by delivering each aspect to perfection. The colors are purposeful, setting the tone of each scene while also telling us the significance of the place—loud, vibrant colors for the noisy arena, calm whites in the clinic where Mignon finds solace in Young-One, drab blues and greys in Young-One’s apartment where he’s lived alone for years, etc. Seriously, the backgrounds look like stand-alone paintings.

And oh, don’t get me started on the scene direction/arrangement. Every episode is impactful and unforgettable despite being very short. Episode 10, especially, is a cinematic masterpiece. Lastly, the music. There’s a lot of 80s synth-pop vibes that just work so well for it.

Mignon is really the kind of show you can call “art.” It’s a passion project by one person, and it took them three years to complete. You can just see how much thought is put into it. It’s not rushed at all, unlike a lot of weekly anime nowadays that would sacrifice the quality on unimportant scenes. And just for that, I think it’s worth checking out.

Trigger Warnings: Blood, Physical Abuse, Gambling

NSFW Warning: Tongue kissing and some explicit sex scenes. The parts are pixelated, but it doesn’t really leave much to the imagination.

#L8: Yurei Deco

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Summary:

In the cyber city Tom Sawyer, society revolves around earning "Love," akin to receiving likes on social media. Citizens of this augmented reality exchange Love for public services and appearance-changing avatars via the Decoration Customizer, also known as "Deco," a hologram device implanted in an individual's eyes from early childhood. Under the government's careful management, the people of Tom Sawyer live a peaceful existence, outside the occasional appearance of Phantom Zero, a mysterious criminal who brings all Love to zero within their vicinity.

Berry, a mischievous girl fascinated by Phantom Zero, lives comfortably in the system of Tom Sawyer until her Deco malfunctions, enabling her to see a camouflaged prankster named Hack. Believing Hack to be Phantom Zero, Berry chases after the suspect and, in the process, begins to uncover society's most well-kept secrets. As it turns out, Hack is not the only person living outside the system's rules—and the vibrant colors of Tom Sawyer hide a darker nature.

Propaganda:

Without any spoilers, Hack can easily be interpreted as nonbinary in some sort of way (whether they’re transmasc, transfem, or otherwise androgynous/neutral/other aligned) and their birth sex is never revealed, which is a plus for me. Furthermore, it’s literally what would happen if you made a fun, hard science fiction series in the style of a Ted Chiang novel but aimed at kids and written rather optimistically. It still has the hard sci-fi elements of critiquing AI and social capital systems and whatnot, but it also has an upbeat, cheerful tone of a children’s show, and you know what? I really like cheerful, intelligent kids shows! It’s something that I could not only watch on my own, but also watch with my conservative family without being seen as inappropriate, and it’s a genuinely cute and fun show!

I also like the colorful, free-flowing art style, thanks to Science SARU’s art, and the diverse characters, not only in characterization, but in race, body type, age, and gender. And the plot twists in this show really excited me too! This is one of my favorite shows of all time, and I genuinely recommend people to watch this show as well! Sadly, it’s not dubbed, likely because of its relative unpopularity, but the Japanese voice cast is another plus, especially Berry’s seiyuu! Berry is genuinely her first voice role, and she KNOCKS it out of the part, especially at making Berry’s cheerfulness stand out. Another good point: the MUSIC. With diverse mixes of electropop, hyperpop, and bit-based sounds, it genuinely has such a unique soundtrack compared to a lot of 2020s era anime’s yakousei and anisong based soundtracks which, while I like some yakousei and anisong tracks, I’m just not fond of both genres.

Trigger Warnings: Unfortunately, as a Science Saru show, Yurei Deco is unfortunately very flashy on the eyes and thus very unsafe for epileptics, the photosensitive, and autistic people who have trouble with eyestrain, among others. There are also depictions of classism that, while shown as wrong and not good in the narrative, might trigger those who experienced class-based abuse.

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form, where you can submit revisions for taglines, propaganda, trigger warnings, and/or video.

#flashing #anime #aeni #best underrated anime #polls #poll tournament #tournament #anime tournament #animation #group stage #group stage round 2 #tournament polls #group l #mignon #민용 #mignon 민용 #yurei deco

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ultimateplaylistmaker · 6 months ago

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Kokichi in DreamSMP sounds fun.

God that has so many variables, I don't think he'd join the lmanberg war for independence and would in fact just start his own nation but its very clearly being played as a joke so it works better then when everyone else did that later on, he does help lmanberg though, he's an ally but hes not fully on their side, he just likes the thought of the underdog upstart winning.

He ABSOLUTELY runs for president though when an election starts, im not sure who he picks as his vice, maybe he picks a horse? yeah he just brings his pet horse to be his vice. He gets a lot of votes for it honestly so not a bad move. I doubt he'd beat schlatt though, i forget how close the polls were (i voted for wilbur) though so maybe?

Since that's far too au for my liking for this concept I'm going to assume he loses like everyone else, he taunts wilbur and tommy as they're exiled but then swings around pogtopia to give them a few supplies and a few lies, usual kokichi chaos. Wilbur does not trust him at ALL but let's be fucking honest Tommy and Kokichi would get along so goddamn well they're both such chaotic gremlins with a secret loyalty side and a strong heart, they absolutely bully the SHIT out of each other but its very much a "hey only i get to call him that" kind of dynamic so Tommy's super thrilled he's here

Unfortunately there isnt much he can really do beyond slip them resources and cause a bit of chaos, especially as he still isnt even a citizen of manberg lmao. I think he pretends like he thinks techno is super cool but actually kinda hates him because lets be real techno is everything kokichi fucking hates, kokichi would hear "'the only universal language is violence" and be like "oh wow so true<3" out loud but internally be like "i hate you i think you are everything wrong with humanity and are a threat to everything i care about we are enemies"

and you know what? based for that, he's so right. If DREAM SMP Techno has no haters then I am dead, common kokichi W

Not much really changes until Tommy's exile because Kokichi IMMEDIATELY claims complete and utter credit for the fire, and so when Dream pushes for Tommy to be exiled, Kokichi tags along, which will proceed to fucking DESTROY all of dream's plans

Kokichi grabs Tommy by the hand and the moment Dream wanders off just proceeds to wander off with Tommy pointing out how he was exiled from lmanberg but he WASNT exiled from the Deceitful Independent Cool Empire so you gotta make a new home there! for your so many wives! they're starving tommy! They need a roof! your wives tommy! your wives! you gotta take care of your wives and you cant do that on this beach!

Even if Tommy protests Kokichi is not taking no for an answer here, he knows Dream's bad news, and so they just go to his country and Tommy is the first player citizen (the rest are random animals and a few villagers) and theres confetti and it's great and Tommy is both so torn between all the fucked up shit happening and his immense love for animals and chaos which is basically what DICE is all about.

Everyone is very confused about what's going on an where they are but no one...actually knows where DICE even is, he never showed it, he just talked about it, Dream is fuming

#ndrv3 #anon chaos #im tagging wilbur soot for blacklisting purposes #wilbur soot #dangansmp au

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original-character-championship · 2 years ago

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Bracket C Round 1

Poll 29

[mom] (@gelatinous-jellyfish) vs. Artekai (@artekai)

185. she doesnt haev one ,,,, i call her [mom] (@gelatinous-jellyfish)

she/her

(in tears) this was so hard to decide. [mom] is a side character who shows up in the beginning and is the source of internal conflict for the main character (NOT the narrator) but i really fleshed her out somehow.. sorry. shes a single mother because her husband left her for a couple of reasons (he didn't like the city is the most basic one but i want to make it clear he always loved her and probably still does. but mostly it was because she was never very affectionate and he was and he couldn't like deal with it so he left) but she NEVER takes it out on her daughter she's a great mom (her only issue that shes been denying that her husband left) um . she loved deeply and wholly but she's just not one for words and all that. she doesn't know how to deal with grief so #repression and #denial and honestly. felt.

i dont knowwww she has long hair and shes short and her husband always liked curling into her if thats anything. shes beautiful (although hes the one that says that and rose tinted glasses so...)

186. Artekai (@artekai)

he/him

Artekai (also Kai) is an archer, hunter, hiker, and traveler in a post-apocalyptic world populated by robot dinosaurs!

Full of love for adventure, he's fun, upbeat, and carries himself with confidence and enthusiasm wherever he goes. There's very few people he won't try to make friends with, but don't let his inviting attitude fool you! Artekai isn’t afraid to call out bullshit when he sees it, much less to make threats and commit violence to protect those dearest to him.

Not only is Artekai gay, a himbo, and a manwhore, but he's also a trans, genderqueer, non-op, pre-T nonbinary man who's unapologetically loud and proud of his identity. Under the surface, however, he carries a massive martyr complex, can have a pretty big ego at times, and struggles to keep his emotions in check.

Ultimately, though, he has his loyalty and his desire to bring about a positive change as a guiding force. It’s not easy to be a hero, but he can't give up when he has sworn his life to defending his homeland - not just his tribe, but planet Earth, along with the bio and cultural diversity that he and his friends have fought so hard to protect. And, though boyfriends come and go, he'll always return to his fighting (and queerplatonic) partner's side to support her!

Artekai is an athletic man in his early twenties. He has long, wavy chestnut hair that reaches past his shoulders, worn loose except for a braid on his left side. His default outfit consists of a blue sleeveless top that bares his midriff, a blue tulip skirt with red and yellow accents that doesn't reach his knees, and tall, light brown winter boots with red accents and blue fabric wrapped around them. He has brown eyes, cut scars all over his body, and a large burn scar on the right side of his torso and over his right forearm.

#oc championship #tournament poll #bracket c #round 1 #185 [mom]#186 artekai

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world-of-fire-and-flight · 2 years ago

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Mirth's Ebenezer: Part 14

A/N: OMG I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel😲 Now the longest standing series on my blog, I’m throwing it back to part 4, part 5, and part 6 in the hopes of tying up some loose ends like who the mole is and how Supervillain got them to leak the holiday schedule. You know, the truly important stuff (though at some point I should probably figure out this love triangle thing. Maybe I should make a poll?? You know what yeah: drop a comment about whether you’d like to vote for who Mirth ends up with and I’ll make a poll for it 😊)

Warnings: reference to past violence, reference to past betrayal, reference to past murder and bodily harm, fleeing, reference to past home invasion (well, safe house invasion😉)

My Masterlist | Taglist Info or Taglist Request Form | Mirth’s Ebenezer masterlist

Mirth let her eyes fall shut and her head go limp, leaning against the cool windowpane of the truck’s rear passenger seat as Superhero and Baron discussed which of their potential suspects was actually Supervillain’s mole.

“I’m telling you, it has to be Agent,” Baron was saying insistently, leaning forward over the center console with one hand dangling over the empty passenger seat and the other over the driver seat. “Who else had access—”

“There’s still Civilian to consider, the H.R. assistant, and as much as I hate to say it, the H.R. director herself, Carole.”

“Well if we’re just going to keep throwing names at the wall, we might as well as add Other Agent to the list too.”

“No,” Mirth finally said, peeling herself away from the window and straightening in her seat beside Baron. “They’re too loyal even if they are a little dimwitted.”

Superhero caught her eye in the rear view mirror, their brow arched in question. Before they could say anything, she added, “I do think we need to consider Judge Whitmire or someone in his office though.”

Baron glanced at her. “Why?”

“Because who else knew where the safe house was?”

Silence descended upon the car. Baron slumped back in the seat and finally buckled himself in. Mirth turned her head back toward the window, watching the forest pass by as Superhero sped through the narrow dirt roads and took the already sharp turns a little too vigorously. Her stomach roiled from the suddenness of the car’s movements and sliding around the backseat with every high speed turn they took. Acid simmered in her gut from both the jerky ride and the fresh memory of Supervillain’s attack on the safe house.

Taking a long breath in through her nose, Mirth tried to focus on anything other than the snap of bones in her ears as she’d slammed henchmen into trees or threw her fist at their faces.

None of it made any sense. How would Civilian or Carole know where they were serving Baron’s house arrest at? But how would anyone in Judge Whitmire’s office know which heroes were scheduled to work during this past holiday season?

Unless…

“What if we’re all right but also wrong?” she started, forcing her eyes to focus on first Superhero’s reflection in the rear view mirror and then Baron beside her. “What if there’re two moles?”

Superhero slammed on the brakes, bringing the truck to a careening stop that had Mirth nearly emptying the contents of her stomach as she flew forward and nearly slammed into the back of their seat behind the wheel. Baron cursed, rubbing his head from where he had actually hit the seat in front of him.

“A little warning would’ve—”

“Then the courthouse isn’t safe either,” Superhero said at the same time, interrupting Baron’s snide remark.

“Then where are we supposed to go?” Mirth asked, rubbing her ribs from where the seat belt had pulled a little too taunt in its effort to prevent her from flying forward at Superhero’s sudden braking.

“I know a place,” Baron said quietly. “Just promise me it won’t violate the terms of my Rogue Trial?”

Superhero’s jaw visibly clenched. “Why would we need to promise that?”

“Oh please,” Baron shot back, “would you trust the system if you were in my position?” Superhero didn’t respond, and in their silence, Baron visibly tempered himself, slumping back in his seat and closing his eyed for a moment. “Let me drive, it’ll be easier that way.”

“No.” Superhero didn’t leave any room for argument, but Baron persisted.

“Look, we don’t have time to fight or for me to direct you to my last safe house, so just let me drive before Supervillain catches up to us.”

“And what makes you think they’re even—”

“Because what we just did? It’s a blow to their ego and they’re going to want to prove that they’re still on top of things, so unless you want to help prove that, let me drive.”

Begrudgingly, Superhero reached for the door handle and undid their seat belt. “Fine. But if I even suspect you’re leading us into a trap—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Baron said flippantly, “you’ll kill me.”

Mirth rolled her eyes. At least their pathetic squabbling hadn’t been impacted by Supervillain’s surprise attack on the safe house. And so much for their near deaths bringing them closer together. Resting her head against the window, she let her eyes fall shut again as Superhero sat in the passenger seat and Baron took the wheel.

Hopefully, Baron’s last-resort safe house actually proved to be secure and safe and they could take a breath before tackling just who the mole was—and how many there actually were.

Mirth’s Ebenezer Taglist: @heroes-villains-side-blog @selene-stories @violetcancerian @kaiwewi @averyconfusedhuman Just let me know if you’d like to be added or removed (no reason necessary!) You can also add yourself using this handy dandy form 😊

Part 15

#my writing #heroes and villains #hero x villain community #hero x villain #hero x superhero #Mirth's Ebenezer series #writeblr #writing community #hero x villain drabble #hero x villain snippet

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savagewildnerness · 2 months ago

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Realised, I was going to say too much for a comment, haha!

Lestat certainly says in the books that he knew Louis would have died had he not turned him. Louis has a cynical side, a self-destructive side & he is forged from his ingrained Catholicism in a similar way to how Nicholas is… but aside from that I see them as quite different in most respects. Well, they are both obviously beautiful and fragile sad boys... Lestat has a type!

Louis' personality is, as I see it quite different to Nicolas' though... as is the place they were in before they were turned... We can even look to what they did as humans - Louis is a successful businessman and takes pride in this instinctive skill he possesses. He likes to make money. He's good at it. It's a natural talent. Nicolas on the other hand rejected even his studies of law... and for all his cynicism - he is an artist and must be inherently incredibly talented, as, even though he'd never be a concert-soloist on the esteemed stages - to reach the level of skill and emotional power his violin playing does in such a short time is actually... well... it's actually impossible unless Nicolas is a musical savant... but anyway - we can see already that their deep-down drives are very different.

Louis was actively drinking himself to death and tempting death (he was quite keen to get someone to murder him, in his actions!) due to a very specific shame and hopelessness following his brothers' death. He was VERY active about it, so it would likely have happened and very soon! Most likely Louis would have provoked someone to murder him before he drank himself to death. Whether from his own violence, or over gambling, or something along these lines. Prompted into it by his own self-hatred. But I don't think Louis was *always* on this verge of death in the way Nicolas was. Like, had Lestat not turned him at that moment in his life... yeah... at that time, Louis was heading towards death. But had Lestat been mortal at that time and had a relationship with mortal Louis. Well... I think I might do a poll as I'm intrigued what people imagine might have been the result? Louis was particularly self-denying and self-hating with resect to his own sexuality and desires in a way that... I mean, maybe Nicolas is internally - we never have Nicolas' own perspective in the way we do have Louis (we never have any of Nicolas' perspective at all in fact!)... but Lestat never gives the impression Nicolas is haunted by the idea that loving Lestat is wrong, so... (Though, given his religion, we can presume Nicolas probably is haunted by it, even if he doesn't ever tell or show Lestat...?)

But I see even Louis' seeking of death as pretty different to Nicolas. I don't see Nicolas as turning violently on Lestat if he'd survived longer (I presume you mean, as a vampire, in the way of Claudia and Louis) because while there are some similarities in human-Louis and human-Nicolas (they're both beautiful sad boys, to boil it down!) vampire-Louis and vampire-Nicolas are VERY different. I think the violent streak in Louis is what actually helps him become a great vampire.

Nicolas feeds just like a beast. Lestat cannot bear to watch it. It's *this* I think that Lestat cannot take about vampire-Nicolas - he is like the confirmation of all of Lestat's greatest fears. Lestat and Nicolas' conversation is one of the most fulfilling things in Lestat's mortal life (maybe in his entire life, mortal and immortal? I think he partially always judges "humanity" on what this was like... and really, this is one of Lestat's only experiences of the true freedom of being human and alive, so of course he does!)... and they disagree about some things - primarily because Lestat believes in the Goodness of Art and that people can Be Good simply by creating art and thus bringing joy to others, whereas Nicolas sees only what God finds Good as being Good. So he sees his beautiful art as being inherently sinful. He feels that the very fact that he enjoys creating art is evidence of his art's sin: to sin feels good.

But underlying, I think both Lestat and Nicolas. have the same deep-set fear - The Great Void of meaningless and hopelessness, where evil, or lack of meaning at all might swallow your essence whole. This is basically what Lestat sees is all Nicolas' mind is after he turns Nicki into a vampire.

For Lestat, he keeps his same existential questions, pondering and quests once turned vampire. His "Conversation" with Nicki kind of continues into Lestat's life-quest? He is also a fabulous vampire. He can sink into his vampire nature. And because Lestat was not brought up to be religious, he always created his own moral schemes, and so naturally he is able to forge his own moral schemes around being a vampire pretty instinctively. He tries to kill the evil-doer.... but he also has his aesthetic principles to live by, so he doesn't *need* to follow his devised moral code to the letter in order to exist, because he doesn't *need* to follow any rules - he is The Creator of his own rules. And yet, he cannot abide if he feels other vampires have *no* moral rules at all... still that is somehow abhorrent and terrifying to Lestat.

For Louis, he clings ever-tighter to his human-ness (I'd call it his human-ness rather than his humanity necessarily) once turned vampire. He tries to deny his evil, his violence, his nature - much as he already did as a human, so it should be no surprise that really he denies much the same things he always did.

But to Nicolas, who admittedly - his mind is already utterly shattered by the time he is made a vampire - that vampires exist is PROOF evil exists. It is proof *he* is now evil. And so, Goodness no longer exists to him. In a later book, Memnoch The Devil will tour Lestat around many realms... but in a way, I feel Nicolas is doing the work of The Devil on Earth. He is trying to say, 100% of the time "Look at me, humans! I am evil! I am your PROOF of evil! I will kill in front of you - kill me! Kill us all! I will write my plays that convey how evil I am. Which are TRUE! Hear them! Kill me! Kill us all! I shall play my music and it shall now speak too of the True Evil that I am! Hear it! Kill me now" There's a purity of intent to Nicolas which I think was always there and is probably why his music is so impactful too and his conversation so intense, and the way he cannot and would never have been able to accept Lestat's perspective on joy and goodness so absolute... Anything, this purity in Nicolas hurts Lestat as sure as a blade to the throat, but I don't think it is intended to hurt Lestat. I think it is just Nicolas expressing his truth.

I don't think Nicolas would ever have slit Lestat's throat, as I don't think Nicolas resents Lestat for making him a vampire. In fact, Nicolas begged for it. Of course, Nicolas resents Lestat for not making him a vampire sooner, but I don't know that that matters much to him once he is made a vampire.

I don't think connections to any other being matter to Nicolas once he is made a vampire.

And connections to other beings are all that matter to Lestat.

And oh, Louis... Louis so focussed on his own humanity, that it takes him time to work out his connections to other beings.

I don't know... I have no point here. I'm just trying to work things out as I type them. I think Louis and Nicolas are pretty different though... their beauty, the way religion damaged them and their fragility is similar, but aside from that. I also haven't discussed Louis' inaction which is a big theme in the books. But I wanted this to be book or TV relevant and I don't think Louis' inaction - The biggest theme for Louis in the books is really A Thing on the TV show... in fact... maybe it is there? But not in his relationship and time with Lestat. Rather, in Louis' time with Armand...?

OK... I'm just gonna.... stop my random thoughts right in the middle here.... *slinks off*...

I’ve been seeing “What if Nicki survived” takes, so, as I see it (trying my hardest to be succinct…!)

Nicolas & Nicolas & Lestat’s relationship is beautiful because he (& thus - it) is doomed.

Nicolas was never long for this world. Like your Shakespearean or Greek tragedies, you can ruminate on Armand’s role; Lestat’s role; Nicolas’ parents’ role*… but while Nicolas may have struggled through an extra tortured decade or so, even if Lestat had never been made a vampire & even if he & Nicki hadn’t ever broken up, I am almost certain that in time, likely as Lestat’s star inevitably would have risen, Nicolas would have sunk deeper into a disillusioned, resentful depression that would be all the worse as he wouldn’t want to sink into it & he’d want only to love Lestat & be happy for him & yet Lestat’s world would be opening up & he’d have shone ever-brighter as he would have had to watch Nicolas, his love most likely slowly & awfully self destruct, sinking deeper & deeper, inescapably into darkness. (And this post is about Nicolas, but I’m not sure a mortal Lestat would have survived experiencing a slow self destruction by Nicolas in this way either…)

Whatever the scenario, all paths led to Nicolas’ death. (I described just one scenario here - but that’s likely the best-case scenario for Nicolas?!)

What’s more - that’s the beauty! That’s the beauty of gothic literature. You don’t need happily ever after to feel the peace & resonance & satisfaction from it. In fact happily ever after is (certainly to me anyway! And was so as a child too, instinctively) depressing as it’s (fictionally) unrealistic. The satiation comes from the satisfying resolution when what you knew deep down was always the ending comes to pass. As it always had to. As it must. Sorrow is Nicolas’ end. Death, in the end is all of our ends & in fiction, some characters can be an articulation of that inevitability & Nicolas is that for sure.

Just as Claudia’s end always had to be as it is & was a way for Anne Rice to give at least some kind of closure to an unfathomable, senseless, never-resolved pain in her real life - that of her daughter’s death; so Nicolas’ death is cathartic.

Here is a beauty of art. In reality, death is always painful & senseless, often random, always meaningless & there is no understanding it or ever getting over it. It has no purpose. It is always cruel. It is incomprehensible to our mortal minds. Just as true immortality is incomprehensible, so is mortality - that those we love will die. And the planet will die. And every memory of every human who ever existed will be lost. And the one specific person you love most of all too, can just die. It is senseless. People kill. People die. Death.

But in art, we have a realm to shape our inexplicable & painful experiences into something that’s not only manageable, but pleasurable. We can shape meaninglessness into meaning. And as I see it it means WAY more & I feel way more deeply &, ultimately (as it’s truer) it makes me feel way happier when the deepest tragedy can be sharped into meaning by stories. It is resonant and cathartic - A Savage Garden created by art, you could say…? Or at least a true articulation of The Savage Garden.

I don’t fully have the words to articulate what I’m trying to say. But Nicolas is one of my favourite VC characters & he’s certainly the character I relate to most.

And I love that he’s dead. That’s the point. He would always have died. That’s his beauty & his tragedy & what Lestat felt in Nicolas’ music, yet never fully understood about Nicki in his idealistic youth.

* We might blame God’s role, though. Religion.

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softie-rain · 3 years ago

Text

Meet me at the Hanging Tree

Previous chapter: Chapter Six

Pairings: Peter Maximoff x fem!reader

Series Summary: Panem, governed by President Magnus, is getting ready for the 75th Hunger Games. It's in this Memory Edition that the reader will learn how far one can go for the loved one, even if that could bring her to certain death.

Series Warnings: Murdering, described death and violence, suicide, death for natural causes such as starving, hypotermia, dehydratation and wounding infection.

Chapter seven: Where are you Peter?

Quick Info:

this -> ~~~ means that it's a changing of pov!

this -> ¤¤¤ means a skip time!

Summary: second day in the arena, and Peter's mind is more doubtful than it ever was.

a/n: ok this is probably a very boring chapter. I'm not really proud of it, but hopefully it's good anyway? not a lot happens but hey, it's still just the second day.

a/n 2: quick poll time! do you prefer if i did a sort of tributes count at the end of every chapter now that they're (rip) starting to "fall"? No because honestly i don't remember them either, they're just all saved in my notes and i crossed their names once i killed them. (did that sounded bad?)

Five hours before

Sorry y/n. Peter thought, as he immediately ran away from the bloodbath. Maybe she would have wanted him to wait for her, or maybe he should have just tried to grab something. But he didn’t. He ran, like the coward he was.

He stopped only when he couldn’t hear the agonizing scream of the tributes. He leaned against a tree to regain the breath, and then focused on his next moves. First off, he had to find y/n. No, no he had to find water. Water was what was going to save him, not y/n.

Right?

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. Why was he always so confused? Lorna and her intrusive thoughts are at fault. Since she told him that he has a crush on y/n, he can’t stop thinking about her- it. He can’t stop thinking about it.

Because it’s not true, he knows it, and the fact that Lorna makes fun of him for that makes him go crazy.

“Where are you Peter?”

He turned around immediately in the direction of the voice. It was barely whispered, and yet he still heard her. Thanking the large tree for covering from the view, he observed as y/n looked around, probably searching for him. That was it, his chance. He was going to get out his hiding spot, then go up to her and… And what?

They promised each other to be allies, but now the question was taunting his mind: do you want her as an ally or as a partner? Ally of course. Then why wouldn’t that voice in his head just leave?

His internal battle with his feelings lasted clearly too long as he saw the girl turning her head and then running away, shortly later followed by Darwin. He wasn’t there to kill her, he knew that they were friends. He should have probably joined them, but he decided that for the moment he would have kept his distance. He waited long enough for Darwin to grab his friend’s body and take her to a small cave, and then he followed him, hiding once again behind a tree.

“Well good job Peter.” He said to himself. “And now what?”

He tried to look inside the cave, but the only thing he could see were y/n’s feet and Darwin preparing something with herbs, probably to help her wound, he believed. He could have walked in there. Explaining Darwin the situation, and maybe he would have let him stay.

In the worst case scenario, Darwin would have killed him and told y/n that it was another tribute’s fault. Or he would have done the same thing to him. He wasn’t 100% sure of the last part though. Peter never killed anyone, and he never wanted to. One thing in common he had with y/n. He knew he was going to, soon or later. But he would have prefered it was later than sooner.

And so for some reason or another, he didn’t join you and Darwin. He looked up and saw that the tree’s branches were large and strong enough to fit one person, and so he quickly took the decision of climbing it -at least the time he spent in his father’s garden when he was younger was turning out useful- and resting there until night.

He didn’t join you either when you woke up, unable to hear what you were talking about with Darwin. He waited to see all the dead tributes of the day, and then thought about falling asleep. He finally decided that he wasn’t going to, not for that night at least. He didn’t have a rope, and he didn’t exactly want to fall in the middle of the night.

In his mind and heart, he hoped that at least y/n was getting a good sleep.

~~~

Even she couldn’t believe it, but somehow she slept better that night than the night before entering the Arena. Darwin was outside, cooking something on a fire he lit up. “Goodmorning.” He said when he noticed her. “Why didn’t you wake me up? I thought we were supposed to sleep in turns.” He smiled and nodded. “I know. But you slept so peacefully, and I didn’t want to stress you after the injury you took yesterday.”

“Thought you said it wasn’t serious.”

“It is not.”

“Then tonight we sleep in turns.”

“But-”

“It wasn’t a request.”

Where was all of this courage coming from, she had no idea. But maybe if she kept this mask up, that would help with the sponsors. "Do you think Peter is ok?" She didn't know why she asked that out loud, but if Darwin is annoyed by this, it doesn't show it. "Depends. Was he good at surviving?" He asks back, half joking, half serious.

The girl shook her head, smiling briefly. "Not really honestly. But he was good with recognising herbs or berries. Fast learner." Darwin nodded and kept cooking whatever animal he had captured.

"Did anything happen last night?" She asked him when they finished eating and started walking, Darwin carrying his small backpack. It didn't contain anything really useful other than it could be used as a pillow and the knife he had conquered during the bloodbath.

"Not really. I think I heard a noise at some point, but nothing attacked us or anything. And I checked too, to be sure." She nodded and dropped the conversation.

It's not that she didn't want to talk to him, but she was extremely worried about Peter. So their promise of being allies meant nothing? Sure, they couldn't have decided a meeting point given that they didn't know how the Arena would look. But maybe waiting for her at the entrance of the forest, or at least looking for her right after the bloodbath.

She was nervous. Scared. Anxious. And most of all mad. She was so mad, that all of those feelings weren't for her, but for Peter.

She wasn't even paying attention to Darwin, her mind now only focused on Peter, praying that he was ok. He was ok. He had to be.

~~~

God why am I so dumb. Peter had no idea of the reason he got Bobby attention so that he'd follow him.

Ok, he knew why. But he still considered it a terrible idea, now that he had nowhere else to go or hide.

When he noticed the District 6 tribute getting closer and closer to the District 12 hiding spot, he knew he had to do something. And that something was jumping off the tree, running in Bobby direction without going unnoticed, and saving the other two from a possible attack.

Something that was terribly stupid considered how Darwin was wide awake, and could have easily spotted the attacker before he had the time of doing anything. Plus, he knew he could kill.

And so there he was, running once again to escape.

His feet were basically moving on their own, the pure survival instinct saving him from death. Hopefully, saving him from death. He looked back to see if Bobby was still following him, and when he didn't see him, he slowed down and finally stopped.

He looked around. He had distanced himself a lot from the cave, and now he knew for sure that his chances of reuniting with y/n were minimal.

"Well well well. I must say, I'm honored I'm the one who will get to kill the President’s son."

Shit.

He thought he lost him, but no. Bobby was standing right there in front of him, pointing a sword at him. Since when could he use a sword? He knew he should have paid more attention at the training center.

He lifted his hands up, showing how harmless he was. "Look, think about it. Wouldn't it be good to have me on your side? Imagine how many sponsors that could get." Bobby seems to be thinking about his offer -if he could call it that- for a few instants, just to immediately turn him down. "Besides, I think I'd have more chances of winning with you out of the way."

At least he hasn't paid attention to the training either. He thought. Because why in the world would one think that he'd have any chance? "Sorry for your sister, but you have to go, Magnus." Those were his last words before jumping on him, running him through with his sword.

Peter didn't even have time to react, so he just closed his eyes waiting for his death.

Next thing that happened, a cannon shot went off.

~~~

She sighed, making Darwin turn towards her. "You alright?" He asked her, worried her head injury was infected. She shook her head. "I'm fine. I just need-"

Her words were interrupted by a cannon-shot.

"The Favourites" "The Careers." They said together.

"Favourites?" He gave her a weird look, to which she blushed. "Uh, yeah. It's a stupid joke I have with my sister. Technically they're Capitol's favourites right?" Darwin raised an eyebrow, amused by her answer.

"I guess you're right." But he immediately turned serious once he remembered what they just heard. "Who do you think went down?" She didn't want to answer. She couldn't. Even if it wasn't Peter, it felt wrong to her to just say a random name as in some sort of bet. Then again, Darwin just asked her a thought.

"Maybe the girl from district 3." She mumbled. "She seemed pretty weak." She felt terrible for saying that.

He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, probably her." It hurts her to see how little he cares. True, they didn't know her. But would it hurt showing a bit of empathy?

She must have shown her feeling through her face, because Darwin immediately tries to comfort her -failing miserably- "She would have died anyway y/n. We could be the next too. There's not much room left for feelings."

As much as she hated it, he was right. But then again, he hated how quickly he had turned his emotions off. She didn't answer him, and just went on walking this time in front of him. Her previous need for water suddenly disappeared, substituted by a knot formed in her stomach, caused by Darwin reaction.

She needed Peter. She needed him now more than ever, because she knew that he would agree with her. He would tell her not to worry, that at least now she -if it really was the female from 3- won't suffer anymore.

Maybe he'd hold her in an embrace, or simply hold her hand in comfort. But maybe holding hands was something he considered too "boyfriend and girlfriend" kinda thing. Or maybe it was just how she saw it in her mind, and he wouldn't have minded it.

Holding hands or not, she needed Peter. And that was a fact.

¤¤¤

After spending the whole day walking to search for a source of water -on their side, y/n woke up really late due to Darwin not wanting to wake her up- they finally stopped. They set their "camp" behind a fallen log that covered them. More or less. "No signs of water yet?" y/n simply shook his head no, a defeated look on her face.

He looked at the girl for a good minute before speaking again. "We need to find it, y/n. Or we won't survive long."

"Yeah no shit Darwin!" She snapped. She took a deep breath in, and answered him again, more calmly. "Sorry. I know, but there's not much I can do." He didn't give her an answer, simply stared at her.

"Maybe you can talk about it?"

"About what."

"About Peter and how you're so convinced the cannon was for him? Maybe?"

She looked down at the ground, slowly leaning on a tree. "So?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I'm good."

"No you're clearly not. Look, it's fine by me if you don't wanna say anything about that. But you have to keep your mind clear alright? That boy can't be your first thought here. Neither can I, really.

You have to be selfish for once, and fight for your own life. Not Peter's, not mine, yours." He sat next to her and took her hand in his. "Plus, your doubts are about to be either confirmed or denied." She looked up just as the national anthem went on.

She needed to know if it was Peter or if he survived the day. And when the night sky was illuminated with the picture of the fallen tribute, she couldn't help but feel sick in the stomach, as she needed to vomit. His being the only death of the day, the sky went full dark again a few minutes later.

"Are you ok?" Darwin asked her. She nodded. "I'll do the first turn." Not fully understanding her reaction, he nodded, not wanting to disagree with her. He fixed his backpack and tried to quickly fall asleep, as his companion sat on a rock looking at the knife the boy had used the day before to kill in the bloodbath.

She closed her eyes and, for the first time in two days, cleared her mind from any feeling she could have at that moment.

She hated admitting it, but Darwin was right.

There's no room for feelings in the Arena.

tags: @raincoffeeandfandoms @sweeter-innocence-fics @pappachismoth

comment or reblog if you wanna be added or removed :)

#peter maximoff x you #peter maximoff imagine #peter maximoff x y/n #peter maximoff x reader #evan peters x y/n #evan peters x you #evan peters x reader #evan peters #peter maximoff #the hunger games au

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