#lovership

[waitmyturtles]

Tee Bundit: YOU CONFOUND ME, man.

I watched TharnType. It wasn't quite your fault, but I wanted to vomit at the story.

I watched Step By Step. What could have been a great show, demolished into pieces by a lack of editing and a disdain for... either romance or workplace dramas, I have no idea.

I watched Lovely Writer. I WAS DRAWN IN. So many narratives! So many macrosocial points made! ANCHORED AND SOLID ACTING! One of my FAVORITES from my Old GMMTV Challenge project.

AND NOW! I Feel You Linger In The Air, episode 6.

Y'all, I was going to DUMP THIS SHOW after episode 1 because I had editing PTSD from Step By Step, LITERALLY. I HAVE TO THANK MY FRIENDS @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm for telling me to keep going, that the pace was right for historical dramas. Oh my god. I think Tee's found his lane again. God, I can't believe it, but this show is spending the RIGHT amount of time on EACH point of the story, and there's a LOT going on, but it's so well PACED, ACTUALLY -- like, the slow pace of historicals being GREAT for another complicated Tee story, but it is being told so well. My brain's spinning.

Oh my gawd. Fong Kaew possibly being SET UP to marry Robert, because someone intentionally burned her family's house down? James.... maayyyyybbbee stepping up to the plate for Yai? (Still though: get grazed, Pat's shooter, fuck you.) AUNTIE PRIK DROPPING THE DESSERT KNOWLEDGE? (Pharm's proud.) (It's butterfly pea flowers that give Thai desserts that blue color, so beautiful.) The presence of Neuy at the speakeasy, and Jom just immediately, inherently knowing so much of what Neuy likely had gone through in his village -- maybe Jom even got comfort in seeing Neuy's presence at a secret gay bar. Knowing this could be a place for him, and James being able to click into what Jom knows. Maybe even Jom feeling appreciative that Yai took him there.

Yai's just LEANING INTO sassyness and bitchiness, WHEW! And his jealousy being such a conduit for communication.

Jom just.... taking his time. Giving himself the time to consider Yai's admission. GEEZ. Jom being cognizant that being engaged in a same-sex lovership is very well dangerous for the time he's been transported into. Yai waving it away in delirious eagerness to be with Jom. Yai giving Jom a timepiece, their time beginning, with the next episode's preview already indicating that their time will have to start coming to an end (cc @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan). Jom clicking in and thinking to himself -- well, hot diggity, I like him, too, and going for the smooch. And Yai just losing it in happiness.

I mean! Considering the other shows airing at this moment (I AM NOT going to watch Dangerous Romance right now, I am going to enjoy the flavor of IFYLITA for a few more hours before it dissipates) (and I have to mentally prepare for Only Friends tomorrow), this show, for me, is the best paced romance I have seen in a WHILE. I'm glad Tee's found slightly slower historicals to be his thing, because Jom and Yai's story needs time, Yai needs empathy, and I think we need as much time with Jom and Yai mackin' and romancin' before things go haywire. I want my money on Yai's dad (Nu Surasak) coming through with a changed mind, with Khun Nu's history of being a Great BL Dad, but I have a feeling those are already dashed hopes for the moment in time we're in.

WHAT. A. FABULOUS. SHOW. If anyone here hasn't started it, do it. This show's got me BLUBBERING, as you can see. But, this show is LANDING, and it's giving me ALL the thrills and happiness. I LOVE WHEN DRAMAS CLICK LIKE THIS.

---

(PSA that there is INSANELY helpful history in this post from yesterday, which is a MUST-READ. Reading this yesterday was EXTREMELY HELPFUL, especially for understanding the context of seeing all the foreigners at the speakeasy in today's episode.)

[veronica0412]

After I have finished reading the fanfic named "Devil roll the dice angel roll their eyes", I'm falling in love with this Taylor Swift's song🥺

I felt like this song just describe verstappen and leclerc🤔

Max wants to take an adventure with Charles in lovership no matter what they will face to.

But Charles can't make a courageous decision even though he loving Max day and night.

[deeplord]

could you talk a little bit about fiona and alistair's relationship? what happens to them post-blight and post-isolation for fiona? do they stay together or do they separate at any point? 👉👈 i like them

ily 💜

their lovership is really something that just comes naturally to them throughout the blight, it’s equal parts “fighting harder when in units as wardens”, trauma bond & simply being besties. having sex & kissing & being a couple doing couple things are never things that rly need talked about (nor do they), it’s just.. second nature for them. i also got lots of thoughts on Wardens In General that come into play here but the tldr on that is that i think alistair & the warden Always end up having some… almost supernatural connection where you get real empty without the other

fiona tries to stay with him after the blight but my girl is just … too sad. the ashes settle & she’s finally got time on her hands to take a breath and just sit and stew on her grief. it fks her up & she’s gotta go away for a while. trying to run away from the blight & all it caused (not just ostagar onwards but also, yknow, to her people), & at that point she just associates alistair with it too much and she’s scared of that part of her & him now. she doesn’t tell alistair she’s leaving/says goodbye but he just Gets It. he gets it and he knows that no matter what they will always end up back at each other’s side, 1 way or another

& they do, once she returns for awakenings bullshit & she’s ready to accept that the blight, and alistair, will always be part of who she is & her destiny & allathat. it’s what fuels her to retake orzammar & once she’s queen she marries alistair & they adopt lil endrin together 💋 happily ever after .. Mostly

[kharti]

[ Good Sir, Mad Lad #26 ]

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Jack stood on the main deck, leaning against the railing while he waited. For who, he wasn’t sure. He’d counted off each crewmember, twice to double-check his math, and everyone had been accounted for already.

      ( Continue reading on AO3 or... )

Jack stood on the main deck, leaning against the railing while he waited. For who, he wasn’t sure. He’d counted off each crewmember, twice to double-check his math, and everyone had been accounted for already.

So who was left? Was this a game where Stede would walk out but in a costume? Or had they added someone to the roster while Jack was away, someone important enough to save for last?

Fuck, Jack was sweating enough that he actually felt the cold beads sliding down his sides. He flapped his arms to try to fan off his pits before a voice interrupted his thoughts.

“You clean up pretty well.”

Jack turned to face the man, and didn’t recognize him. He didn’t look like a sailor or a pirate, his hands too clean and no scars visible on his exposed skin.

“What, we met before?” Jack cocked his head to the side.

“I helped carry you to the ship when Stede and I found you in an alley, actually.”

“Oh.” Jack rubbed at his trimmed moustache, missing the wild, bristly hairs. “Well, that wasn’t exactly my best.”

“I’d hope not,” the man said with a laugh, then extended a cordial hand. “I’m Leon. Stede’s current lover.”

Jack froze at that, his blood running cold while he stared at the offered hand like it meant to do him harm.

Stede had taken a lover? Jack had fucked around, yeah, but he hadn’t elevated any of them to lover status.

Lover sounded serious.

So, the final test was, what, killing Leon to take his place? Convincing him to fuck off? Coming to a shared lovership agreement?

Leon’s smile seemed sincere, so Jack guessed this wasn’t about to be a fight to the death. With some reluctance, he took the hand and shook it.

But when Jack started to let go, Leon’s grip tightened and he moved their joined arms to plop their elbows on the railing beside them, taking an arm wrestling stance.

“Come on, then,” Leon said, his smile now a grin. “Arm wrestle me for Stede.”

Well, that was better than shooting each other, but Jack still hesitated. He was far from fit, his body not what it used to be before he’d filled it full of liquor, out of shape and out of practice.

He wasn’t sure he could win an arm wrestling match even with underhanded tactics, and he didn’t want to win Stede by cheating, anyway.

So he had to just… give it his all.

And then Leon laughed, letting go of his hand. “Oh, shit, your face. Priceless. Nah, this isn’t some schoolyard brawl.” He leaned against the railing, propping his elbows up on the wood and looking up at the sky. “If Stede wants you—and he does—then I’m not keen to be in the way.”

Jack just stood there, his hand still hovering in the air, frowning. “You’ll just fuck off, then?”

“Yeah.” Leon shrugged. “He wasn’t really with me, anyway. I was just standing in for you.” He let his head fall to the side so he could grin at Jack, and there was a bit of fire in his eyes as he added, “Talking like you was fun, though.”

“Talking like—what?” Jack blinked, his head hurting from how hard he was working to try to keep up. “Why the fuck would ya do that?”

Leon lowered his voice almost conspiratorially. “Because I pretended to be you while I fucked him.”

Jack blinked again, and repeated a bit lamely, “Why the fuck would ya do that?”

“Always fantasized about fucking someone’s partner in front of them.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Got to pretend you were there, watching as I made him cum.”

“Oh.” Jack couldn’t help the grin forming on his face. “You cucked me.”

“Yup,” Leon replied with a pop of his lips.

Fuck, was Jack supposed to like this guy? Because he liked this guy.

“Listen, man,” Jack said, shoving his hands in his pockets to try to squeeze his dick that had its own mind, and that mind was horny. “I don’t know about Stede, but I would be so fucking down to get cucked.”

Leon blinked, now the one caught off-guard and staring with a blank expression. “What?”

“Shit’s hot. I’ve cucked someone before, but never been on the other side of it, yeah?”

After a moment, Leon leaned forward as a laugh was forced out of him, slapping a hand to the side of his thigh. “You’re fucking kidding!”

“Nah, I never kid about sex.” Jack’s eyes flicked to the door to the captain’s cabin. “Just gotta convince Stede.”

Leon straightened up as his laughter subsided and rubbed at the corner of his eye. “Fuck, man, you’re something else.” He angled his body more toward Jack. “Maybe I’ll take you up on it someday. Right now, Stede needs you to man up and go apologize for shattering his heart.”

Jack’s cock twitched, the rush of blood lessening, and he started to soften so quickly it hurt a bit. “Yeah.” He looked down at his feet, shoulders slouching. “I really fucked things up.”

“You did.” Leon’s voice grew soft, affectionate. “He’s something special.”

Jack sighed and tilted his head back up, taking in the man who’d become Stede’s lover in his absence, who was willing to walk away for Stede’s sake. A better man than him.

“Ya know, I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to keep ya.” Jack grinned, but his heart wasn’t in it. “I’m not married to monogamy or anything.”

Leon hummed in thought. He looked up at the sky, out at the port town, then at Jack again. “Just be good to him, all right? He deserves more than that, but he especially deserves that.”

Jack paused before he held out his hand. “Thanks for… taking care of him.”

Leon chuckled as he took the hand and winked. “My pleasure. Literally.”

Fuck, he really liked this guy.

With a deep breath, Jack pushed off the railing and started to walk towards the door that Stede was behind, waiting for him. He was sweating again, but there were no more barriers. Just a door and his own ego, the former of which opened easily and the latter of which didn’t matter to him anymore.

He rounded the corner of the small hallway into the room he knew by heart, his eyes going straight over to the bed in its little nook.

Stede sat on the bed, the blankets pulled up around him like a cocoon, his worried face lifting to look at Jack as he approached.

“I… I’ve been trying to decide if I should apologize,” Stede hurried to say. “I hope you’re not mad.”

“Mad? Fuck, Stede, I walked out on you. Ya don’t owe me a fucking thing.” Jack plopped down onto the bed beside him, resting his elbows on his knees, hunched forward to look down at his own hands. “I’m proud of ya for taking care of yourself.”

Stede huffed a quiet, dry laugh and shook his head. “Hardly. I met Leon the same evening I found you. I spent most of our time apart… hiding in this room.”

Jack glanced at him, watching him start to emerge from the safety of his blankets, wearing a golden robe underneath that was visible now. “I wouldn’t blame ya if ya wanted to stick with him instead of me.”

“I…” Stede sighed, the last blanket falling away, and he tightened the robe in the front with trembling hands. “I thought about it. He’s a good man. I think I’ve been rather cruel to him, pretending he was you while I was with him.”

“Oh, trust me, he didn’t mind.” Jack grinned and nudged his elbow to Stede’s. “In fact, he’s got a kink for that. Wants me to watch as he fucks ya.”

“He—what?” Stede’s face turned a noticeable shade of red.

“And I’m totally down for that, for the record.” Jack leaned into the place where they touched, pressing their sides together. “But, uh… that’s assuming a lot. Sorry.” His voice softened as his mouth went dry. “It’s a fuckton easier to talk about sex than feelings.”

“Really?” Stede tittered a laugh that was almost a giggle. “I think it’s quite the opposite for me.” He glanced down at where they touched, then up at Jack’s face. “I missed laughing with you, Jack.”

Jack shifted to face him, reaching up to clasp Stede’s cheeks in both hands. “Listen, Stede. I was fuckin’ scared. I’ve never loved anyone before, and—it fucking scared me, so I ran.”

Stede’s eyes watered, taking on a glassy appearance, and Jack noticed how bloodshot they were. “You broke my heart,” he more whimpered than said. “Devastated me.”

Jack wasn’t good with words, and he didn’t know what else to say. He leaned in, hesitating, his gaze flicking between Stede’s eyes and his mouth, then closed the distance between them with a gentle press of their lips together.

He felt Stede’s remaining walls come down, and Stede’s hands came up to cover his own, his chin trembling as fresh tears fell over their joined fingers.

They stayed like that for a moment, then Jack pulled back and watched a weak smile twitching its way onto Stede’s face.

“I miss the way your moustache felt when we kiss,” Stede said, breaking into a proper laugh. “I can’t believe you let them shave it.”

“Baby, I would have let them take the whole fuckin’ thing if that’s what it took.”

“Oh, no,” Stede teased with playful horror in his voice. “You could never!” His hands moved from his own cheeks to Jack’s, thumbs running over the trimmed ends of the moustache. “It was unruly, but it was yours. Will you let it grow back in?”

“Whatever you want.” Jack nuzzled his face into the soft, warm palms. “Glad it’s the same as what I want, though, gotta admit.”

Stede hesitated, then leaned in to kiss him again, just a brief press. “I want you, Jack.”

Jack felt his heart fluttering in his chest, felt his stomach clench like the boat was rocking over stormy waves. He breathed in and held it for a moment, then said on the exhale, “I love you.”

Stede’s eyes widened, then darted away, and his voice came out hoarse and strained. “I—don’t know if I’m ready to—say it.”

It would be a lie if Jack said it didn’t hurt. It fucking did. A lot, really, but he imagined it didn’t hurt half as bad as Stede did when he walked away.

So he quickly said, “Yeah, no, of course, baby. Darling. It’s fine.” He squeezed Stede’s cheeks and started to withdraw his hands. “Take your time.”

But Stede’s hands hurried to clasp over Jack’s and held on tight, and Jack could feel the tremors running through the man. “I care about you so, so much. You know that, right?”

Jack tried his best to smile. “’Course I do.”

“And I—I want you, with me, to stay with me, and as soon as I can, I’ll say it back, I promise, I just—”

Jack laughed and pushed him down onto the bed, shifting to straddle his middle, and Stede’s mouth snapped shut in surprise.

“Baby, it’s fine. I’m fucking ride or die for ya, okay?”

Stede’s cheeks colored as his eyes darted between Jack’s face and his precariously placed groin. “Oh, well, that. That’s good to know.”

Jack followed his gaze and chuckled, shaking his head. “No blowies. Not from you, anyway.” He wiggled back, letting his groin grind over Stede’s as he shuffled off the bed and pushed Stede’s legs apart. “How about ya let me take care of you this time?”

Stede stared down his own body at him, a noticeably growing bulge in his tight pants, and swallowed. “Are you sure?”

“Am I sure?” Jack snorted. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ sure. I wanna, and I owe ya.”

Stede’s tongue darted over his lips and he watched as Jack’s hands starting to fiddle with the lacing on the front of his pants. “I—certainly won’t stop you.”

“Great!” Jack managed to fish his cock out with relative ease and gave it a firm stroke, feeling it harden against his palm. “Then lie back and close your eyes while I suck ya off.”

And before Stede could reply, Jack downed him all in one go, not stopping until his nose touched skin and the head bumped the back of his throat, and the sound Stede made was almost as delicious as his dick.

      ( next )

📚 view a list of all my current stories!

[ellena-asg]

Okay, season 7 is the last season of h50 that I find canonical (in some way) so I imagine that after "You don't have to dance with me tonight" and after THIS Steve's gaze and their smiles Danny and Steve were like "Hey, guys, we um... we're going to... the shop... for um... for more beer. Wanna anything? No? So... We go and you... have fun. Have fun and don't wait for us, okay? We'll be back of course, just... Don't look for us. We'll be... um, we'll be back".

Then they disappeared into the palm trees - where there were no other beings and where ocean's hum was the loudest ;)

They looked at each other. The tension was... ohh. "Yeah, you're right, I don't have to", Danny said and soon he added: "But I really... really WANT to". He stepped closer. "Dance with me, babe", he said and kissed Steve. And then love, desire and every other fire swallowed them. Steve pressed Danny to the tree. They're making love. Danny pressed Steve to the tree. They're making love. And when they're making love coconuts were falling from the tree (but boys didn't care about it).

That night friendship said hello to lovership and now they coexist together 🥳���💞

Oh, by the way... When boys came back from the shop, Max looked at them, thought about something and... decided that he and Sabrina would stay in Hawaii (forever). Kono looked at them and at Max and decided the same. Chin and Abby... Yeah, they too.

[homesweetlouie]

this lovership pleases me greatly

[crabsandscorpions]

◤ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙢𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙣𝙚𝙖 ◢ “ 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘶𝘴. ”   · 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵: 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 ♡ IG. 

[mx-post-stuffs]

also works for friendship too idk what is a word for social relationship. Friendship, partnership, Lovership? I thought it'd be just called relationship.

damb

[pinkdetective]

Just recieved a notification that the album has been shipped, and I am not okay...🙈🙈🙈❤❤❤ @taylorswift LOVER IS COMING FOR MEEEEE! 🏵🌹🌸❤🦋🦋🦋

[spade-riddles]

People forget that at the start of the 1989 era Karlie was publicly with Jerk. So, 1989 TV era can start off the same. Tay "single" and KK with Jerk until she finally drops/forgets about him. I mean—with the addition of a child this round.

🤷🏾‍♀️

I will take public friendship over lovership anyway. I just want Jerk out and Toe gone—but I doubt this will happen simultaneously. They will not be beard free at the same time.

I don't see Taylor associating publicly with Karlie as long as she is with a Kushner though. I don't expect a public reunion until after KK splits with him. My guess is that Toe goes very soon, and Jerk in late August or early September. Public reunion in November, per ♠️.

♠️ When do you think we will receive the first Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss friendship candid? `I recall late November, holdin’ my breath | Slowly I said, “You don’t need to save me | But would you run away with me?”` - 10/19/2018

[radio-charlie]

If ur lonely and hurting it’s hard not to make a person ur whole world when they’re nice to u. it’s rubbish most of the time though u just squint a bit and see that it’s dogshit in there lol. that’s why i never got ppl’s contempt for openly transactional relationships. what, as opposed to the covertly transactional relationships u lot form with others? don’t lie lol most friendships and loverships are hollow

[viandede-porque]

Lovership ended with Mostovoy?

[jeremyvoid]

I guess

there’s time for love

To love is to hate

I guess

but I anticipate

feeling so surreal it’s like

nothing is real but

the things that we say

and when I say

that

I LOVE YOU

and then you reiterate that

you love me too

But I feel insecure at times

like I hate the mirror

I’m furious and reluctant

but it’s ironic isn’t it

that you are a mirror

Can it be any more deceptive

this friendship turned to lovership

This life is not restorative

so I try to be informative

but my distorted sense of self

gets my mental health in a knot

So the lessons that we learn

this yearning for a spot

can only be summarized by

a fable of rotted flowers

that devours my reveries

and my sincerities

I guess

I guess

there’s time for hate

To hare is to love

The mirror is beautiful

but sad

[florencedelarosa]

She’s not hating, but witnessing your boyfriend (with whom you were in a feud-thwarting star-crossed lovership, no less) kiss your sister in front of everyone has that effect on people.

[aura-loveshine]

Fringe-dweller’s true tales.

I looked up at the half moon, and thought “this will be the 5th full moon since you died”... 

Three nights before you were so suddenly taken from the physical earth, you camped overlooking the beautiful large body of water. you explored the multifaceted countryside, you were always like a kid when it came to exploring. you would have honoured and felt connected with nature. you would have sat with a j and admired the full moon on Friday the 13th. it would have been so beautiful to see the full moon over the water, the reflection, the light bouncing off the rippling water and quartz crystal sparkly rockbed... 

I hope those days spent at that campsite were healing, I hope you felt at peace, I hope you spent those days happy, content. I imagine you playing guitar and adventuring with our magic merlin dog, enjoying the wildlife, the peacefulness. I imagine you listening to the abc radio you loved and talking to the other campers, sharing your quirky unique self, making people laugh, or think. I imagine you satisfied to have achieved the long time goal to drive to the tip of Australia, from Cook Town to Cape York in your FWD. I imagine you had chocolate or something sweet even though you were running out of everything else. 

I wonder if you dreamt those nights... I wonder if you had a feeling something was coming. I wonder about the last conversations you had with tribe. i wonder about where you thought the wind might take you next. I wonder if you actually were on your way to visit me... ill never know whether I/you/we could have done anything to change what happened... I can't believe after all the physical pain you endured through-out your 34 years, that you experienced pain in your last alert moments... I think about our dog being with you when it all happened... 

I imagine you loving being omnipresent, exploring the universe in your cosmic pirate-ship with Xena, your beloved 17 year old dog. I'm not surprised she passed 12 days after you... I'm glad your both free of your aching sore physical bodies. You both lived so adventurously. you and Xena are the only ones I know that can say they lived in their vehicles/bus for over 11 years, driving over a million kms around and through Australia. I also don’t know anyone else that helped as many fringe-dwellers as you did, loved and supported so many beautiful women without trying to take it to a sexual level, who invited people to travel with you and see new incredible parts of Australia. you saved forests, educated people, changed Bunnings national policy, inspired people to live better and more freely, you lived more in your short life-time than anyone I know. you experienced pain, near death experience, limitation childhood abuse and death of loved ones and still managed to be the incredible being full of enthusiasm with an open heart and playful inquisitive nature. 

I was relieved to hear you had been reconnecting with your mum and family. that our close friends had quality time with you before everything changed...       I know you knew there was a high chance of you dying while on the road due to road death statistics... but all the justifications can't outweigh the heaviness of not being able to message you, call you, find out where you are now, what your building or what fascinating experience you’ve had recently.

You were the first and only male partner I have shared a ‘de facto’ type lovership with, having only been with women until you. you were so respectful, you were loving and gentle...  travelling in a old coaster for 6 months with you living a true dream... you built us a bush shack in two weeks, you built us a bush palace in a month and a half, all while been technically ‘disabled’... you showed me sacred sites of Australia, you climbed into caves, swam in ocean with crocodiles a few kms away,, we ate dinner alone with Dick Smith in the desert, casually chatting. you introduced me to Robin Mutoid at Burn out, I loved sitting with you and Robin in the coaster watching you two light up talking about mad hatter genius building ideas... and plans to create an explosive pineapple grenade to the filming we were doing.

Some of my favourite memories of my life-time, have been with you. I cherish you, I cherish my photos of you, I'm relieved I didnt listen to you when you told me to stop taking photos and be in the moment, but now I can look at those memories when I need to see you. every time I see a old coaster van I'm going to think of you... so many things remind me of you... having merlin with me is the silver lining, I'm relieved she was safely found after 15 days of being missing in the bush. I'm relieved she's with me. but I wish I was instead bringing her back to you...

You led such an incredible life I hope to share your stories and pictures with the world. you inspired so many people while you were alive... and even after... thousands of people read about your death on social media and tv... the articles and posts used the photos I took of you. it was surreal to see you and our dog in articles, for what happened to be so publicised... for a tragedy so personal to be used as ‘grief porn’... I hope to use the publicity of it all to make change to the stretch of road. needs better signage, a lower speed, something! I can't get it out of my head that you were the 9th fatality out of 30 accidents in 31 years, within a 4km stretch of road... 9 fatalities is too many. 9 is the final number. you are the last one to be taken out there...

The bush fires started raging not long after you died... in a strange way, the fires seemed fitting in my state of grief. Our lives were all forever changed... I was forever changed. The fires burning for months. My grief, anger, shock and feeling of helplessness burning inside me for months.  the sense of emergency through out the country, the sense of disaster within me.

It was all a bit much trying to deal with you dying, Xena dying, merlin being missing for 15 days and everything else that happened over the next 2 months as well the fires raging, rainforests burning, native wildlife in crisis, homes burning, people dying and the nation all in panic and smoke. Being 1500kms away from my forest home and family while the fires burned out of control less that 40kms away, with road blocks and potential fires in between. Trying to have your life celebration festivities while experiencing heavy rain, wind warnings and strained tumultuous emotions all round... thunder and hail while my mums saying she is taking all my valuables and art to a safe house coz the fires are getting closer, and they are prepping to have to evacuate with the dog, cat, ducks and chickens... luckily, it never came to that, the fires were contained 25kms away from our home, contained only 20kms away from my closest town, a well known beautiful alternative community. 

A moment that will always bring a smile to my heart, was when I was finally driving home. Id had a really rough night, id been holding so much in, trying to just get through everything to get home, id started falling apart... we had just started driving, when we saw a small’ish’ dust devil. the ‘tornado hunter’ part in me instantly wanted to drive up the near by road to chase it. I held back, until I heard my friend say “we could throw some of him ashes into the dust devil”... and I zoomed up the road as quick as I could. although the little twister had gone out of reach, I trustfully threw some of your ashes towards it. my heart felt uplifted as I watched the ash catch, float up and dissolve toward the dust devil.

You weren't scared of dying, you lived actively seeking to push your own limits, always with a cheeky grin. but you always landed like a cat, you were always there, doing your thing... alive. you always came back... you would have heard about the fires and driven straight to help, you would have fought the fires like you had before. you would have used the experience as a way to further pursue actual change for the planet, would have been apart of the vocal community questioning how the government failed to protect and how we needed to have upheaval and revolution...

You drove so safely on the roads. I dont know what happened to the other driver, except that he was seemingly uninjured. was it actually an unfortunate accident? or did the driver lose control going around the corner at 130kms in a 100 zone.... 

Was it really ‘your time to go’? if I hadn't been to the crash site and dealt with all that I have, I might fantasise the idea that you pulled the ultimate fucked up prank, that your hiding out in your doomsday bunker, mischievously laughing at no one knowing your alive, being completely ‘offline’, plotting the moment to reveal yourself... to see you, hug you would be.... 

We separated as lovers 15 months before you died, as we had to go on seperate journeys, we had to become individuals again. we were both struggling with very different things, we had to salvage our friendship and love, to take a break, allow some time... and then... you died 7 hours away, on your way to my area... on your way to see me and Xena.. I can't help but feel I'm being punished somehow, question if I shouldn't have made you leave. you might still be alive... am I silly to dwell on thoughts like that? I thought we had more time.

All I can do is live passionately, continue to be inspired by you and cherish you and our time together, learn from my experiences, healing these wounds by living, by loving, by sharing truth, by having daily gratitude and celebrating the positive events and changes as they come.

I know, for a long time, I will count each passing full moon...

You will always be my gypsy pirate king.  

Fly Free my Lover. I'll see you on the other side once again.

[de-todito-todo-rico-bbq]

Nena, solo quiero decirte que sos perfecta.

Si las cosas fueran diferentes te haría propuestas indecentes.