#love this weird motherfucker cant way to see it break

[chamoemileclown]

New bear for me to enjoy C:

[ch3rryb0mb3rr]

Tldr; please put warnings on smut and have it below the cut and stop sexualizing minors in media. Especially if they just came out of middle school thats weird. Write what you want but tag and put warnings when needed.

--

I get so pissed when im going to read something about my favorite character, and it's smut WITH ZERO WARNING.

No 18+, no NSFW, no MDNI and it isnt even in the fucking tags. I dont wanna read that shit. Put the damned warnings there for the love of all that is green on this earth it takes two seconds. maybe a bit more, but if you could pump out 3.4k words of pure porn, I think you can handle a couple of tags and warnings

I am a minor, and i use those warnings, so I dont read straight-up porn!! I also dont need to read about incest accidentally because there was NO warning, and it was NOT in the tags!!

(And for those of you who do put warnings, i thank you and wish the best in life!)

(I am also well aware that a lot of people dont listen to dnis like that, but it's helpful for the people trying to avoid reading stuff like that)

Also, while im on the subject, let's not sexualize minors in media. Yeah their hot, i can see that. But i dont want to see the start of an NSFW alphabet for a 15/16 year old. Aged up my ass. Just put the beginning below the cut?? And not after the first four letters??

I do NOT need to know a fav characters preferred body part is the tits thank you very much. I definitely do not need to accidentally read that they wanna suck on it like a damned bottle.

--

'This character as your friend is soo perverted he wants to steal ur panties hehehe' NO HE DOESNT. HE'S A TEENAGER AND LIKES CATS. TF?? theres adults in the majority of the show that are reasonably attractive. Write that shit about them.

'Oh, they have this list of kinks,' and its shit only someone who has read hardcore smut would have. They are 16 and most probably haven't had sex because the creator cant give them a fucking break from trauma.

'He would be soooo toxic and blahblahblah [insert romanticised assault and abuse and trauma]' NO. that boy is my age and is a nerd. Motherfucker wants to study at princeton and has absolutely no flirting ability. You're only saying that because he's black, most of that shit reeks of racism.

--

These characters are kids, CHILDREN, and you as an adult (if you are one) should not be writing smut about them, aged up or not. You should not be thirsting over a sophmore when theres PLENTY of good looking adults that you can be.

Theres a difference in growing up liking a character and having a crush on them and growing out of it when you're an adult. And being an adult thirsting over a teenage boy. It's not cute. it's not 'oh, it's fine because he/she's not real'.

Its really fucking gross actually.

--

At the end of the day just tag your stuff correctly. That way its easier for everyone else to find EXACTLY what they wanna read. Because at this point im just gonna start reporting fics with no warnings at the beginning.

Someome younger than me with no parents looking through their devices could stumble on that, and not know what it means, read it, and be scarred for life.

I was reading that stuff way way way too earlier and its fucked up my mental state a bit so if we collectively start putting in the effort to help prevent this from happening to another 11 year old or younger than we should do so.

--

Start gatekeeping fandoms like creepypasta from young kids, start tagging shit correctly

Another child does not need to end up somewhat hypersexul with very violent intrusive thoughts by the time they hit high school because their parents wouldn't look out for them, and the fandom did NOTHING to try to prevent it.

Its not your job to parent the kid, and to look over their should. Thats not what im saying.

It IS your job to, again, tag shit correctly, put warnings for gore, bluring violent images, saying outright that a certain game/book/story/etc your recommending is NOT for kids due to its violent nature/sexual content/etc. Reporting accounts of children under the age limit for social media (i.e., a 10 year old with discord or instagram) (it is breaking the T.O.S)

Act like that one lgbtq+ chat room website I was on for a couple weeks where all the adults kinda looked out for me a bit. And supported me figuring out who I was and collectively riped a guy to shreds after I blasted him at a failed attempt to groom me. (And told me I had done exactly the right thing in this situation. Also, hi, if you know who I am from there!!!) (Story time if ya'll want I look back and think its the funniest thing ever how I dealt with him 💀)

[childish-ish]

Yoo! *hands you subway sandwich* I absolutely loved the soulmate AU with Micheal making choices for each other. And I was wondering (if you can/want) what would it be like for Billy Lenz.

hii *fucking devours subway sandwich* thank u so much i love u <3 i would love to write for him! sorry if hes ooc :<

sorry it took so long too, i thought it said lOOMIS AND I LOOK BACK AND IT SAYS LENZ LMFAAAOOOOOOOO then i procrastinated xd its super awkward and weird, im sorry!! i tried- i was on major fucking writers block!!

bro u made me eat a bug dont talk to me

soulmate au.. makin choices fo eachother..

billy lenz x reader

also, just imagine like. a party right before christmas and they dont call the police to help them rather do it themselves, but then 1 girl calls and they're on their way at the end.. ya dig? ALSO I KNOW ITS HIS HOME BUT I DIDNT HAVE AN IDEA SO xd

"Hello?" You answer the phone politely, looking over your notes before closing the book as you wait in silence for a reply on the other line. "Hellooo?" You drag out the 'o' in hello.

"Y/n? Hey, hows'it going. Listen i have this party goin' on and I know you don't have jack-shit to do, so, why don't you come on over?"

Barb! Ah, that bitch.. should i? You thought over the pros and cons as Barb waited impatiently on the other line.

soulmate chooses: go to party.

"Yeah, I'm coming. Streets?" You ask, opening your notebook back up, flipping to a blank page as Barb told you the address. You hang up on the girl and rip the piece of paper off, holding it between your teeth as you lift yourself from your cushioned chair, grabbing your coat that hung on the back and quickly stuffed the address in the pocket of your coat.

eat bug or do not eat bug.

You furrow your eyebrows at the choices. Before choosing 'do not eat the bug'. What the fuck?

Of course you would choose not to eat the fucking bug. You weren't a dick. But your fucking soulmate was. You were totally gonna beat their fucking ass for choosing such choices.

You sigh, grabbing your coat on the way out. Your necessities jingling in your pockets of said coat. You shove your hand in, dragging out your keys, turning around to lock your door. Sighing once more, as you enter your car and start the ignition. You pull out the address. "Can't be too hard, can it?" You mutter, finally pulling out of your driveway.

"Hello!" You wiggle your fingers as a small wave at the unrecognizable woman who opened the door. "Hello." Sge greeted back softly. "Are you a friend of Barbs'?"

"You betcha!"

"Well, I'm Jess! It's a pleasure to meet you.. come on in!" Jess opened the door wider. You see a few other girls chatting lively. A glass or a beer bottle in their hands. You follow Jess.

"Y/n! You made it! Good job." Barb greeted you, immediately handing you a beer you watched her pop open. You grab it, took a gulp, and thanked her.

You spot an ant crawling on the counter by you. Jess and Barb began to argue softly. Background noise.. You debate on whether to wipe it up and eat it. You shake your heads of the thoughts to rid of the possibility of your soulmate choosing-

eat the ant.

You growl under your breath, crushing the ant under your index finger and wiping it off on your tongue. You swallow it with your spit.

Im totally beating my soulmates fucking ass.. you thought angrily, chugging the rest of your piss-tasting beer. Chug, chug, chug! You cheer yourself on.

soulmate chooses: chug.

You chuckle before downing the rest of your cheap beer. Barb hands you another wordlessly. A smirk planted on her lips as she watches you down another.

"You should really slow down, Y/n."

"Eeh come on, Jess." Barb rolled her eyes, tossing an empty bottle into the trashcan. "Her soulmate probably made her chug." Barb defends poorly.

"I suppose.. how about you chug some water?"

"Yeah.. that'd be best. I'm already feeling a fucking buzz!" You laugh, being the lightweight you were.

Soon. You had awoke in a extremely comfortable bed with a small headache.

"It's so quiet.." You mutter to yourself. Dragging your hand over your face before quickly pulling away, realising you already had acne that was beginning to sprout. You stare at the ceiling, glancing at the window. Still night-time. You turn your head to the nightstand. The lamp was on. A small glass of water.

"Awh." You smile at the thought of one of the girls leaving a cup of water for you, quietly closing the door behind them. You immediately sit up and chug the water, tossing in the two pills that lied on a small napkin right next to it. You swallow, lathering the pills up in your spit.

You stretch your arms over your head, before falling back onto the plush mattress layered in bedding. You sigh, before finally deciding that it was time to get up and see what was going on downstairs. If you were even upstairs.. you cant tell. Maybe you were downstairs? You continued your train of thought as you closed the door behind you politely. Not bothering to take the glass with you.

You continue down the stairs, hand sliding down the railing as you slowly step down each step, before noticing the sticky, yet not sticky liquid your hand laid in. "The fuck? Strawberry syrup, L-O-L." You lift it up to your lips, licking. Clearly not thinking as the taste registered.

"Pennies. Blood? Oops." You wipe your fingers off on your shirt, quickly continuing down the stairs. "Baaarrrb?!" You call out, awkwardly. "Oh. Who's the shit-face drunk lying on the floor." You step closer towards the dining area. "Barb? You fucking drunk." You snicker.

soulmate chooses: kick her.

You do so. Not like you had any choice yourself. Kicking her lightly in the stomach, you step away. "What the fuck?!" You shriek, slapping the hand that was placed in your shoulder. You turn around to face a rugged man in a dark sweater and black pants. no shoes? Yet socks on his feet.. "Who are you?!"

The person before you didn't answer before lifting up a single hand thay held a.. glass unicorn? The tip of the horn was covered in a red substance. You could only assume strawberry syrup once more.

"Murderer!" You shriek, grabbing the lamp next to you and chucked it at the offending man who barely dodged it. He screamed back in response before lunging at you; successfully tackling you to the carpet rug.

"I can't believe you, are my soulmate.. well no, i can." You place your index finger on your chin in a thoughtful manner as you stare at the ceiling. "Are you?"

"billy made you eat an ant." he snickers horridly in your ear.

As, Billy, with the biggest cock known to man, squabbled and licked the shell of your ear, muttering about pigs and boobs and pussies, you nod to yourself.

"I can just hand you over to the police, no problem." You hug yourself. "But could I, really? My soulmate. Who has killed people.. Barb. God, you fucking cunt!" You screech, rolling away from him, just to jump back on the wide-eyed motherfucker, wrapping your hands around his neck and your cunt being right over his crotch. Haha.

He gasped for air, short, uneven nails scratch at your hands.

Tables were turned, and you were back on the floor with Billy over you, screaming out profanities.

"I'm sorry, Billy." You apologize falsely. Tears streaming down to your ears, since, you were on the floor.. gravity? "You killed my friend, man. I didn't even know her that long!"

Billy leans over and licks the tears away. You flinch away, before he pulls you into his lap awkwardly, his head dipped down into the crevice of your neck and sniffed loudly before giggling to himself.

"Billy's pretty little pig. Billy's. Pretty pig. Pretty cunt. Pretty, pretty, pretty." He mutters, an odd sense of nostalgia washed over you, catching an odd scent that activated said nostalgia.

"Move bitch. Let me get fucking comfortable." You snap, pulling out of his hold and turning your body around to face him. Crotch to crotch as you wrap your legs above his own.. does this make sense? You wrap your legs around his and he crosses his legs, wrapping his arms around you tightly as you fiddle with his hair.

"Man, you are such a fucking dick. Making me do all those fucking things while i chose nice things for you.." You lay your head on his shoulder. Very much stinky, yes.

"We should dip though. Didn't one of the girls call the police while yo' dumb-fucking-ass was suffocating one?" You pull away, getting a good look at his face.

You wouldn't say he was.. handsome.. but you certainly wouldn't say he was ugly. His skin was.. a sickly pale yellow. His.. fuckimg huge brown eyes stared at you. His cracked lips were curled into a unnerving smile.

soulmate chooses: leave.

"Yeah. Let's go." You stand, offering him a hand.

Billy's blood coated calloused hand makes contact with your own. You gag, covering your lips with your free-hand. "Fucking disgusting." You mutter in disgust, enduring it for the sake of your new partner.

You shove Billy in the back of your car, slamming the door shut and sprinting to the other side, just to slip right before you put your hand on the door.

You swing it open angrily, sitting down and starting the ignition, ignoring Billy's giggles and mutters as he peers out the window like a little kid looking at snow for the first time.

break the window or tap obnoxiously.

You roll your eyes, the hint of a smile plastered onto your lips.

tap obnoxiously.

[fictionalreads]

The Cleaning Lady Season 1 Episode 7

Thony

Awe they’re doing the holidays together. That’s cute.

Oh shit Thony can sing

She is sprung. Singing this song knowing she singing about Arman.

Oh fuck. She can’t kiss him cause she thinking about Arman.

What’s wrong? She’s in love with another man. Her future husband. Sorry Marco.

Oh shit it was bad bad before she left. Separate beds and shit.

She assumes the worst cause you lie. Arman do his shit but he ain’t lied about it. Not to her. At least she know what he into. Then again, she is lying to Marco too so...

So worried for her future husband.

Oh shit. She told him about the current husband.

She don’t want him here Fiona.

Yes. She is having an affair. An emotional one.

Y’all could’ve at least had a lie ready for the girl. That your original clinic fell through so now you’re in the process of getting another one or something.

It’s always something. Luca can never catch a break.

Coming clean time.

I know it bothers you Marco but you gotta do what you gotta do. Put your pride aside and get it done for Luca. And I know you don’t know this but I doubt you’ll be around long anyway. She’s gonna marry Arman.

Yeah I was caught off guard too Thony. Didn’t know that kid was there.

Fuck. He used the money didn’t he? I SWEAR THAT NO GOOD MOTHERFUCKER He better win big. Cause if he lose that shit imma call Arman and have him dealt with myself.

Arman

Man is sprung. Dreaming of her.

Who don’t think of him as handsome? I’m talking about the lyrics

Wait who you killing? What’s happening.

Did you kill him just so she would have to come? And y’all would have to talk.

He more focused on her being that close to him.

And by in too deep he means “I’m in love with you and he is my family now too”

His face when she mentioned the current husband.

Nadia’s back! Yes I finally learned her name.

Arman, you don’t want her back. You want Thony.

NO BAD ARMAN! YOU CANT LEAVE THONY BEHIND

Although I’m here for you going legit. Cause Thony ain’t staying forever if you’re doing illegal shit the whole time.

Oh shit Nadia got aim. THAT WOMAN CAN SHOOT

This man is weird. Do we really trust him?

SHE DONT WANNA LEAVE YOU

Seeing him step up to Marco like “bitch what” but calmly was so hot.

“You should listen to your wife” FORGET NADIA AND THONY MARRY ME ARMAN

She’s his future wife. That’s who she is to him.

Nadia, you love the life. That’s why it sounds like you wanna stay. He ain’t satisfied with you.

Fiona

Fiona get on key

I just realized this is the first time Fiona has seen Marco in almost two decades.

I feel for her, she’s stuck between the two of them. But does she know they were having problems?

No she didn’t send you the money Marco, cause she was gonna use it on her child. Why would she use it on you and not Luca? Fiona GET him!

Garrett 😒

Burn the roof of your mouth.

Leave Arman the hell alone.

GOOOO AWAAAAAAY

I really hope Arman moves it all before he comes back with a warrant.

Get caught. Please get caught.

Y’all I don’t like this man.

Miscellaneous

Literally anytime Garrett was on my screen, I was like “Go back to Thony and Arman”

I’m acting so thirsty this episode. It’s just something about Arman tonight that’s doing it for me.

LMAO Why is it always Brad?

SO IT’S NOT JUST THE FANDOM THAT’S BEEN LOSING IT OVER THE WE’LL FIND A WAY LINE?! I might make this a whole ‘nother post

OOOOH NEXT WEEK IS GONNA BE AMAZING

Why do I feel like Hayak is gonna find out cause Nadia tells him? Like she gets jealous that Arman is in love with Thony so she tells Hayak about the guns.

[crowsent]

tales from the smp: the village that went mad ft. salt losing his goddamn mind

“im jack. and. im a farm person, and i like p o t a t o e s”

starting the stream well i see. ponk coming in with generic potato boy and i love him for it

=

QUACKITY

QUACKITY

“my name is helga, wife of badboyhalo” QUACKITY

=

karl: “bad, explain your character other than person that beats up their wife”

bad, immediately: “well, i do declare that my name is jimmy and im the mayor of this town”

and then bbh just fucking starts spinning around when hes asked what the name of this town is, theres a pause, and then he fucking hits us with “not a very good town, town” like BAD

this is why i love this man

this is why i fux with this man

he is unparalleled

=

but as much as i love bbh and would literally murder god for him, he still canNOT match the quiet theatricality of mr corpsehusband saying “im gonna turn around and itll all make sense” and then he has a fucking CAT TAIL

corpse “choke me like you hate me” husband is a fucking CATBOY ladies and gentlemen

hes a fucking catboy which further proves something which we already knew was true all along: furries exist in minecraft and are, in fact, accepted in society and treated no less differently than humans

this is why fundy and antfrost can just walk around without anyone telling them shit

this is why wilbur can fuck a salmon

corpse “catboi” husband paved the fucking road and drove down in a custom vintage jaguar so every other furry on the smp could fucking drive behind him in a second hand porsche

i salute you mr corpsehusband

truly amazing

=

miles memeington, connoisseur of steak and bob, “bob the builder” need no explanation

=

CORNELIUS COMING IN WITH THE BRIGHTASS NEON GREEN BODYSUIT EVERYBODY

GIVE IT UP FOR CORNELIUS

BEST RPER ON THE ENTIRE SMP

CORNELIUS GREENBODYSUIT EVERYONE

=

tubbo with the very cute ‘i am robin, i am an orphan child” being IMMEDIATELY ruined by karl sayin

“dont let technoblade hear about that”

i love this already

i love this already

feed me technoblade lore. the man never fucking uploads so i have to get content adjacent to him

i wanna hear about technoblade the orphan killer. i want that backstory lore

and also i wanna protect robin the orphan boy because hello???????????

that skin???????

let me adopt you mr orphan boy

=

i love quackity just very casually going “my husband and i had intercourse” at the fucking TOWN MEETING BY THE WELL

truly

quackity’s comedy is unmatched

“hes into lots of weird stuff. he taught me this one thing called dunderhead”

and IMMEDIATELY someone (cant tell who, i have auditory processin issues) fucking goes “i DO NOT know this woman” and tbh if i were in that fucking town hall listening to my fucking weirdass neighbour casually lay out all her family secrets, id fucking say that shit too. id fucking disown this bitch as my neighbour. id fucking pretend she doesnt exist

like

imagine your fucking next door neighbour siddling up to you in the fucking w*lmart while youre just minding your own goddamn business trying to buy a fucking banana and your next door neighbour helga is dressed in a fucking bikini going “my husband fucked me so hard i couldnt walk” and even though you are clearly not interested and trying desperately to get away from her and her wackass gossip, helga goes ahead and fucking LISTS OUT HER HUSBANDS KINKS IN THE FUCKING FRUIT AISLE AT FULL VOLUME

id die

id just fucking die

id uninstall life right then and there

id pack my fucking bags and take a fucking extended vacation to guatemala and never return. id fucking change my goddamn name just to ensure that people never associate me with this woman.

thats what quackity is doing and i am very thankful this man exists and has given us the treasure that is helga

=

cOuLd iT Be iN ThE nAMe oF SaTaN???????? 🤔

karl

bruh

bustin out the fucking OLD conspiracies huh

“or could it be in the name of content on karls stream”

and hes just casually breaking the 4th wall too huh

kinda stealing techno “ill read donations in the middle of rp bc i need a distraction” blade’s go-to method there huh

its fucking funny tho. hes narrating this all serious-like but then he just goes “content on my stream uwu” and unrepentantly shatters that suspension of disbelief (in a good way)

but it wouldnt even matter bc apparently, satan and karls content have no difference

=

does protection exist in the smp? im worried for helgas health

the woman visited 3 different fucking houses in one night

=

i love how the rp just stops dead in its tracks around the campfire

no one was using any of the names

corpse was out here calling everyone by their actual names and not the names of their characters

=

this might just be bc im a pathological liar whos seen and heard shit but

i love him but

i mean

bbh cant lie

the man cannot lie

his voice is off, pitch wrong, tone sus

he is deffo a murderer

being accused of something hes not would make a person defensive/angry and bbh is not either

the man is LYING

and his argument/defense was LITERALLY tubbos

man cant lie

send this murderer to hell

=

tubbo can lie, but imo hes not. his voice is the voice of a person whos telling the truth

man is legit the doctor

a doctor who chose to fucking lay on the LORE

father killed in the red-eyed village wars????? mother taken from a young age?

motherfucker brought the LORE

motherfucker brought the SOB STORY

motherfucker legit said “here is my canonical in-character reason for being a doctor fuck you”

and honestly

what is bads defense?

karl asked if the town should kill an orphan over a mayor and there is legit no right answer to that

there is no good rebuttal

so bad straight went “you make a great point. just execute me”

amazing

10/10

=

idk who said it but “orphans just suck up resources” whoever you are i love you

i was eating my chips in peace but then i almost choked

thank

=

I FUCKING KNEW TUBBO WASNT THE MURDERER

his voice did not match

=

my bets on fucking ponk

=

its fucking DREAM

DREAM MURDERER

my respect for this man

motherfucker

shouldve known

he was kinda quiet at first but then he suddenly started talking a lot

son of a BITCH

gg dream

=

round 1 wasnt very rp heavy but

i can excuse that

=

who in the FUCK is making choking donald duck noises

who

bbh got a new skin cool

WHO IS MAKING THE CHOKING DONALD DUCK NOISES

=

corpse, about dreams death: “they killed him in front of me”

the town: “who was it corpse?”

ladies and gentlemen corpse, without a moments hesitation: “im also blind”

=

so the murderer is deffo not corpse. deffo not tubbo. probably not lazarbeam probably not bbh

that leaves quackity, george, and ponk

=

MY PARTNER WAS KILLED

MY PARTNER WAS KILLED

i knew corpse was a catboi but i didnt know that mr dream “i went on a date and almost married a fox” wastaken partnered with a fucking catboy

what is this

dnf is out, dream corpse is in /j

bruh

MY PARTNER WAS KILLED

bro

the tragedy

=

CALM DOWN WENCH THE BOY DID NOTHIGN

CORPSE

CORPSE

STOP

CORPSE

standing up for tubbo like that

corpse

please

my heart cannot handle this

=

okay so its deffo not corpse and tubbo. most likely not quackity after that fucking disaster at the campfire. probably not lazarbeam or bbh. still think its george and ponk

=

CORPSE

he got executed trying to console tubbo who legit WENT IN THE PRISON TRYING TO LOOK FOR HIM

BRUH

WHAT THE FUCK

=

TUBBO

no

TUBBO

technically its robin but

TUBBO

he lost his father so quick what the FUCK

i will murder god for robin

the little shaking head he does after corpse got killed. going completely silent as he lost the one family he had left.

bruh

robin bby no

=

I KNEW HE WASNT THE MURDERER

tubbo

im sorry

=

I KNEW IT WAS PONK

was wrong about lazarbeam/george tho

=

bruh

what the fuck

tubbo/robin honey i am so so sorry

catboi corpse i am so so sorry

[d3l3t3d-deactivated]

AND ANOTHER THING

i literally brought up my frustrations with my profs and they were just like "lol that's like, not true!? but sorry you seem to have convinced yourself of that <3 have you tried just shutting up and fitting in? stupid?" and it breaks my heart and makes me want to scream scream scream that a bunch of dicks ruined school for me. like i love learning new skills, and having access to creative spaces and materials, and meeting new people who are PASSIONATE about things, whether it be a shared passion or not. i love being part of a community, i love hot metal and stage lights and writing weird poetry and sewing costumes and creating, i love being terrible at things ive never done before, and getting better with the patience and support of the people around me. I came to class once wearing like... a slightly more athletic version of what i normally wear because i was taking dance lessons (learning a new skill! i was terrible, then not so bad! it was so fun!) and these fuckers are like, "lol whats with the GETUP?? going for a little jog?? doing something other than being down here with us 24/7??" and im just BAFFLED that like, adults in college are talking to me like fucking disney channel bullies because im doing something they think is lame or feminine or whatever. and treating me as less of a man, as less of a queer person, as less of an artist, and as lesser than THEM because my life doesnt revolve around being an iron caster. i liked doing it, i really did, and it sucks that these people ruined it for me, and im trying so so hard to find a reason to be excited about going back to school. im unbelievably fortunate to not have to pay for my education, and i cant let these fucking dicks make me want to throw away that opportunity. i'm excited to take classes in animation and film, im excited to host the next drag show, bigger and better than before. i'm excited to get access to the gym, and the lighting studios, and possibly even a classroom to practice choreo in. i'm excited to see my out-of-state friends, and to have a studio space, and meet people outside of my major, and to just troll all these sculpture motherfuckers by being happy and successful making MY cringe-ass art. i'm going to lie, cheat, steal, and troll my way though this semester and nobody can stop me. don't show up at my shows unless you're tipping with 20's. swag.

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[ksyescribe]

𝑺𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑯𝑪'𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒆𝒔 ♡

Aizawa (Eraser Head)

Very very cuddly sleeper. Especially after the USJ incident, he just craves more physical touch. He doesn’t show it in public but in private he really needs someone to rely on after all this. And he gets that when he’s home with you :))

He loves having his partner close to him, it gives him comfort having you close by. Plus he wants to make sure you’re safe, he’s well aware there’s people out there who are capable of taking you and using you as a way to get to him.

Most nights he chooses one of two positions. It’s either the two of you entangled together between the sheets or you resting your head on his chest with a leg slung over his hip.

On more demanding days you’ll usually sleep tangled up together, he likes having as much of you on him as possible. Your warmth is grounding and comforting to him. It helps him recharge after these days.

On normal days you’ll just sleep with your head on his chest. It’s just a comfortable classic that lets you be close to him but also have breathability. 

But also Aizawa is a motherfucking furnace and sometimes you wake up sweating from the heat under the covers so this position is great from when it gets too hot for you

Oh forgot to mention this earlier but this is exactly why your room is always cold as hell. Because you both know that when you sleep, the room needs to be super cold to be able to sleep together.

If he’s having a hard day you can easily put him to sleep by just running your hands through his hair as you cuddle on the couch. Usually he lays on top of you with his head on your chest as you watch some dumb show (you both cant stand the news to be honest so you never watch them).

When he comes home and sees you asleep in bed, he loves to come in and spoon you. He just loves protecting you okay??? Please let him, he loves you so much.

Toshinori (All Might)

Doing this in small might form because I feel like small might doesn’t get enough love and I just love him

Sleeping with Toshi is, well, it’s difficult. You have to remember that someone is completely vulnerable in their sleep. Add on top of that the vulnerability he feels now that he doesn’t have One for All. It just makes it very difficult to sleep. 

So when you come along he tells you to not to worry when he doesn’t sleep at the same times you do. 

At first you think it’s just how he is. Probably different schedules and what not. Curiosity killed the cat, so one night you feign sleep and wait for him to come to bed. Just to see what time he sleeps right?

Except, he doesn’t come to bed. At all. 

You find him fast asleep over some papers he’d been grading. Quickly you learn that Toshi can’t fall asleep naturally, he basically collapses with sleep while doing something. That’s the only way he can really sleep. 

You help ease him into sleeping naturally though, bit by bit. The first step is asking him to bring his work into your room. 

“It just makes me feel safe when I know you’re in the room with me.” 

He won’t admit it but the sounds of your breathing while you sleep lure him to bed and he’ll just hold you while you sleep. 

He actually starts to feel safer around you which means that some nights he’ll actually doze off while holding you. This eventually snowballs to him being to naturally sleep but JUST with you. 

In the case that you’re not around he’ll grab some oversized shirt of yours and throw it on. Your scent will help lull him to sleep. 

He’s another one that likes sleeping with your head on his chest. Mostly because one night he asked why you liked sleeping like that and he replied, “It makes me feel safe. Like you’re protecting me.” 

And that was that. 

But he occasionally likes to lay his head on your chest, usually on nights where he just needs to be held and loved. 

He loves loves loves when people play with his hair. He feels like it’s something so intimate he’s missed out on a lot because he was the symbol of peace. 

I really think this man is touched starved like, I know he’s one of the most popular men in the world but I feel like he really spent so much of his All Might time rescuing people that he didn’t you know do relationships and stuff. 

So when you do things like that or cuddle with him in bed he loves it.

I love small might so much wow

PS: Always shares the blanket no hogging

Kamihara (Edgeshot)

OKAY LSITEN

LISTEN

YOU KNOW HOW I SAID BEFORE ALL MIGHT HAS A HARD TIME SLEEPING?

EDGESHOT IS LIKE THE 180 this man can sleep ANYWHERE!!!

Prove me wrong, that’s right, you can’t

He can literally sleep anywhere! Him and Aizawa? Both of them will fall asleep in the most random places!!

Despite that though, he is the world’s lightest sleeper. It’s like a switch, he can knock out in an instant and then be up and ready to go in like a second. 

It also works for when someone thinks about sneaking up on him and he wakes up instantly but won’t show he’s awake. If he senses danger he’ll use his quirk to fold himself into a string and essentially disappear from view. 

If it’s you then be prepared for a launch because he’ll just jump out and squeeze you tight as hell.

Anyways these are sleeping hc’s so leggo

At first Edgeshot’s kinda wack to sleep with because he’s so used to sleeping by himself that when you first sleep together he sleeps WITH HIS BACK TO YOU.

I kid you not this man really said “G’night” and rolled over. Feelings kinda hurt ngl but still

But once he gets used to you??? God he’ll be tangling himself with you. 

I’m talking like legs intertwined, arms wrapped around each other, HIS HAIR PULLED BACK AND AWAY FROM HIS FACE ?? (which is something he only does around you btw)  You’re so tied up you don’t know where one of you starts and where the other begins honestly but you love being wrapped up in him.

Expect to come home and find him asleep in the most odd places in the most odd positions.

When you go to drag him to bed he just pulls you in and wraps himself around you and basically entraps you in a bear hug while he asks you about your day.

With Kamihara you can go to sleep wrapped up in each other but then wake up the next day with just you holding hands but on opposite sides of the bed. 

You know you love each other but sometimes you need your own spaces while you sleep but you still hold each other somehow even if it’s just your hands. 

IS THAT BITCH THAT TAKES ALL THE BLANKETS WHEN HE ROLLS OVER IN HIS SLEEP

Toyomitsu (Fat Gum)

BABYYYYYYYY this man is just a baby

I just wanted y’all to know I love Fat Gum we’d love each other very much

Anyways

Another one who falls asleep as soon as his head hits a pillow or falls asleep quick

He’s just tired from patrolling all the time okay? Give him a break when he’s using his quirk he’s on his feet all day he just wants to rest. 

Remember how I said Edgeshot’s a light sleeper? 

Fat Gum is the OPPOSITE this man could sleep through an explosion and you know what? You probably can too if you’re sleeping next to him

Okay this is weird but y’all know how when you’re walking with someone and sometimes you sling your arm over their shoulders and they do the same?

You both do that but on your stomachs when you sleep. Like arm over your arm over his shoulder, his arm over your shoulders, both of you have like an arm under each of your respective pillows

And you just lay there and decompress and talk about your day as you slowly fall asleep.

Sometimes when you fall asleep first he just lays there looking at your face as you sleep because he finds you so amazing and loves you so so much

If you roll away from him during the night then you’ll probably wake up to him spooning you. Aaaaa he’ll always search for you when you separate in the night. It’s so cute

Favorite way to sleep is probably with your head on his chest and your leg thrown over him.

But if he comes home and you’re dead asleep he’ll probably just snuggle up to you and put his head on your chest and then go to sleep :’)

He’s the type to accidentally hog the covers like on the nights where you sometimes end up on opposite sides of the bed, he’s rolled over and taken the covers with him.

It’s okay because you’ve learned to keep an extra blanket on hand

As well as some snacks when he get hungry

[justanotherweedinthelawn]

kinda hard to explain this one honestly. and I literally dont know what the transitions are through this story. like, I try to go back in time a little bit, but it just looks weird so please if this looks weird, dont judge me-. i'll be honest with you guys here, i dont really like the way this one turned out, but maybe you guys will, so dont be discouraged to read it by me! here's the prompt, and the creator is @write-it-motherfuckers. stay safe, kith 😙💖💕

Kokichi teases y/n about confessing until they do

Lately Ouma had been teasing you to no end. Anytime you're even close to him, he'll walk over and begin teasing you.

"Hey, Y/n-san! Who do you liiike?"

"Nobody, Ouma-kun, I've said this before."

"Awwwh, that's too bad. I totally coulda hooked you up!"

"Sure, Ouma-kun."

Everyone had always found Ouma annoying, but you actually found him quite interesting. Of course he was still irritating at times, but you preferred to look over that and try to see if you could break his emotional mask.

Over time you seemed to be the only one close to Ouma. Your peers always strayed away. Well maybe except for Saihara sometimes, but those interactions were usually initiated by Ouma.

You two were practically joined at the hip. Ouma mainly following you, but you wouldn't hesitate to find him if you were bored or needed someone to talk to.

It had been about three months of school and you two were known in your class as the top couple.

There's actually a top five chart in your class. #1 goes to you and Ouma, #2 is Kaito and Maki, #3 is Saihara and Akamatsu, #4 is Tenko and Himiko, and #5 is Kiibo and Miu.

Your class is.. awfully strange.

You had always brushed the chart off, just wanting to pay attention to your studies and how you could break the leader's mask.

But Ouma tried to use it against you.

"Y/n-san, look! We're the number one couple!"

"Ouma-kun, we're not even dating."

"Maybe we can change that.."

You were only caught off guard the first few times he did it, now you only scoff and blush slightly.

The closest you've ever seen Ouma to breaking was when someone showed him general genuine affection and when people would call him out on a well hidden lie.

You found these out through your friendship. You being you, you did it on accident the first few times, but after realizing it, you would study it and try to use it against him.

"Ouma-kun, come here."

"Yeeeess?"

You stretch out your arms, clearly stating what you want.

Ouma seems to get tense for a second, his facial expression a slight look of surprise, but changes quickly to a smile.

Ouma jumps into your arms and somehow manages to get his legs around your waist so your carrying him.

He takes his head off your shoulder to look at you.

"Nihihi..~ are you sure we're not a couple, Y/n-san?"

You could see some blush on his face with how close you two were.

"Ouma-kun, are you blushing?"

Again his face shows surprise, quickly going back to normal.

"Y/n-san, just answer the question!"

"Yeah Ouma-kun, I'm sure."

"Awwwh! And here I was hoping you'd kiss me."

Your face flushes red as he jumps from your arms and runs off like nothing just happened.

That was awhile ago. Now you usually end up just carrying Ouma, him even coming to you when he claims hes tired.

Now you had been in school for about 6 months and you were getting stressed.

All this time you were trying to break the Ultimate Supreme Leader's mask, yet you seemed to be breaking yourself.

You had never really known someone so strange and so normally unlikable.

And yet you seemed to be slowly falling in love with the Ultimate Supreme Leader, Kokichi Ouma.

You decide to tell him at lunch that day.

You grab your lunch from your locker and begin walking down the halls. Surprisingly, Shinguuji calls your name as your walking.

"Good evening, y/n-San. How are you?"

"I'm doing pretty good actually. I was just on my way to lunch. Did you need something?"

"Ah, yes, I noticed how close you and Ouma-kun were and I was wondering if you perhaps had romantic feelings for him. I pay no regards to that silly chart our peers have made. This is from my own studies."

While Shinguuji was trying to explain his reasoning behind his prediction, your face lit up like a christmas light.

Was it actually obvious?

You had no time to dwell on that now.

"Y-yeah.. I think I do like him, but I have to go now! Dont want my lunch to get cold! Bye Shinguuji-kun!"

You run off hoping Shinguuji wont be mad since you just kinda left. You get to the lunch room and see Ouma sitting at his usual table alone. Like usual.

You sit down and a smile appears on his once bored face.

"Y/n-San! You're late, what happened?"

"Oh, Shinguuji-kun wanted to talk to me. I tried to get here as quick as possible so I had to run away. I really hope I didnt make him mad."

"What'd he want?"

You remember what Shinguuji asked you and you feel your face heat up. But you quickly get yourself together so you can get these feelings off your chest.

"I have to tell you something."

"Oooh~ are you about to profess your undying love for me, y/n-san?"

"Yes, I am."

"....What?"

You confess to Ouma, all the while, looking down. When you finish, you look up and see that Ouma's face is mostly unreadable except for the harsh blush on it.

Had you finally broken the leader and his mask?

"Holy crap y/n, did you break him!?"

Kaito seemed to take notice of Ouma's state and made you two the center of attention.

"Hey guys look! Y/n broke Ouma!"

Suddenly, a somewhat surprising amount of your classmates gather around your table.

"Ah, so it is true that you have romantic feelings for Ouma-kun."

That was the last thing you heard before you felt someone drag you off.

"Ouma-kun?"

"Nihihi~ You cant just confess to me and not expect attention from those idiots y/n-San! Now..."

Ouma suddenly stops and grabs you by the shoulders.

He pulls you close and softly kisses you. Ouma pulls back after a few seconds and grins.

"Nihihi~ look at you y/n-san! You're all red! *Gasp* Does this mean we're dating now!? Are we, are we!?"

You stood there in shock for a second. You honestly got lost in thought for a second. But you regain your thoughts again and look down at Ouma.

You kiss Ouma on the cheek before smiling at him softly.

"Yeah Ouma-kun. If you're sure."

"O-of course! Nihihihi~"

[msawesomeworld]

Stupid long and personal rant ahead (which is basically just me being horny on main).

Bruv, like, whaaaat do I need to do to stop being so fucking horny these days. I feel like this never happens, yet I am on day like 5 now, where I just have the hugest boner for like just any love (and like banging too, but still.) Like, I expected this when I was still on my period, but that has been over for DAYS, like I am currently just looking at my brain/uterus like: Bitch! What do you want?! I need to work, not think about banging people! Because news flash, no one I want to bang I cannot bang! (I mean I could ask, but we all know that isnt gonna happen, cuz I'm an awkward motherfucker, and TWO, one of the guys I wanna bang I like barely know, and I really dont think he likes me, like that at least, because we have only talked a few times at parties and it was fun and he is really sweet, but personally I feel like I am a grower not a shower when it comes to being attracted to me. Or maybe the opposite, honestly that feels like an entirely different post. But yeah, so, no, probs not gonna be able to bang him, because of ALL of that, and also because he is surrounded by girls who are much more successful girls and prettier than me, sooo like, I am not oblivious, I am a nice like 5-6 but most girls are 7-8s. Sooo, yeah, no. Even though he is sooo hot! But then guy two who I for some weird ass reason want to bang! I am like, first off, we sort of live together, so no, bad brain no! But also, like, I dont understand WHY I am attracted to him! Like sure he has some nice features, but he is just so baby faced and looks so young, which I mean he is cute and is probably my type, which is a problem because my type is clearly wrong for me! But also, I feel like I kinda like him, we have hung out in the social settings a lot more than the other guy, and he was even once nice enough to make out with me as a favour at a party. Which is probably why I am like: YESSS that guy! Constantly these days. Like I wanna be attracted to the first guy, I can tell you all the ways he is soo fucking hot. But this guy, oh my god he was such a fucking good make out, and I just I cant seem to stop thinking about him. It has not been too awkward afterwards, and I KNOW I only hang around him at the last party because I am comfortable with him and a few other people and I am awkward. But GOD, why cant I stop thinking about him? IS this a fake to real lovers fic that I have accidentally trapped myself in? I Have read enough fic in my lifetime to not be this stupid. Yet here I am, horny as shit, and for some annoying reason really into this guy I made out with to get over someone else. And yes, it is also partly because he is about the best kisser I have made out with in a like ever! But whyyy??? I am just, like, no, bad brain. And yet, I am sleep deprived or just bored and I allow myself to daydream about a fake relationship that will only worsen my real life relationship with this guy who is actually super sweet and I do just wanna be friends with. But NOOO I have to be a pining little shit!

My god!

But most importantly, the reason I dont just grab those guys and be like: hey, wanna bang? Is that 1. I kinda live with both of them, like in the same dorm but still counts. I share a kitchen with guy number two. AND 2. None of them probably like me like that. And the most important reason: Nothing good ever comes from me having one night stands, and I don't know either of them well enough for them to, even if they did wanna sleep with me, be like: Hey, lets hang out more see where this leads? And that sucks. So I am stuck here. Pining, after something stupid that will probably never happen. I really hope this stupid fever breaks soon so I can go back to just living my life.

[maggiesarchives]

IS IT OC DAY YET?!?!?! BECAUSE I HAVE THOUGHTS(tm)

OKAY SO ANYONE WITH A RUDIMENTARY UNDERSTANDING OF STAR WARS KNOWS ABOUT MANDALORIANS RIGHT?

My Mando OC is from swtor and i love him. His name is Ke’ade and he was born on Tatooine to a Republic settlement, unfortunately after an invasion from the Empire left his home in ashes and he himself missing in the desert for several days he became a Bounty Hunter, running from one world to the next (there was an incident on Mek-Sha). now imagine this death-stick-smoking-sith-shit-talking-tiny-motherfucker meeting the-perfect-jedi-embodiment-of-peace-and-serenity — what happens then?? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIND OUT HE’S FORCE SENSITIVE?!?!???! WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A FORCE SENSISTIVE MANDALORIAN?!?!?!? (Bounty Hunter)

drinking, drinking happens

Mar’keo is the perfect jedi, serene, calm, understanding and compassionate. unfortunately he is surrounded by seven other dumbasses ranging from chaotic neutral to chaotic slut. He develops what ultimately comes to a little bit of a drinking problem (during the Mek-Sha incident)- he can’t handle this gremlin boy he meets on Nar Shadaa???? He already has Nicky???? he’s like that dad that says he doesn’t want anymore kids and yet adopts the next child he sees. After the Alderaan Accident there’s a nice little rhyme that goes around the family: “what do you do with a drunk-ass Jedi what do you with a drunk-ass jedi what do you do with a drunk ass jedi earrrly in the mooooorning?” (Consular)

And Nicky, sweet, feral Nicky, this kid took down the EMPEROR the goddamn BIG BAD. He’s so done with everything. he’s batshit 25/8. diplomacy???? Lana handles that because there is NOT going to be another Alderaan Accident. He’s married to Theron Shan who (despite refusing to admit it) is just as feral and impulsive. Mar’keo and Nicky have known each other since they were BABIES- growing up in the Jedi Order together and literally the first two members of their weird dysfunctional family that would kill and die for each other. (Knight)

Don’t even get me started on Trii’va. She’s all of them combined in a beautiful blend of chaotic dumbass and pure big dick energy. Did i mention she’s married to He’katia??? Member of the Dark Council and right hand lady to Darth Marr??? No??? Well we shall come back to that. This chick is the loopiest smuggler on the hyper lanes, she taught Nicky how to ride a motorbike and give Mar’keo and Lana an extra 35 heart attacks a month. (smuggler)

He’katia is The Librarian Lesbian That Kills People For Fucking Up The Dewey Decimal System and is the Togruta embodiment of “Books are better than people” she loves the Empire and openly advocates for change amongst the Sith while proudly showing off her feral wife and having tea parties with Darth Marr while they bitch about Vowrawn and Saresh. (inquisitor)

KEL!!!! KEL’KATIS!!!! or as Mar’keo calls him “that slut” because let’s be real he is the SLUTTIEST Sith on the block and there is an ongoing rivalry between Nicky and Kelly to see who has the softest hair in the known galaxy and let me tell you it gets VIOLENT.

we don’t talk about the Water Shortage of ‘07

Karavia- because where did Trii’va learn her sass if not from her mom? Trii’va is adopted, Karavia (or auntie Kavvy as the rest call her) is Cathar and Trii’va is Twi’lek and she is THE most badass mom ever, literally, take no shit. She hates, hates the brass, and so when given free reign over Havoc Squad and her uptight-but-in-a-cute-way lieutenant she uses every chance to piss off as many entitled fucks as she can and well...... Monkey see monkey do right? (trooper)

and then, at last, we have Ahtoan. Tony. Top-Hat-McGee as Ke’ade lovingly dubbed him. The youngest member of Imperial Intellegence and the youngest saboteur to fuck that shit up. He is by far the youngest of all of them (not even hitting twenty at the beginning of the story) and was found by Nicky somewhere between the end of Ilum and the beginning of Makeb. The poor kid is tired, he just wants to go to sleep. He’s never had a real family and so when he meets these seven other fucked up weirdos he is SO happy- and then Mar’keo offers to help heal him, and so breaks down crying and just HUGS the man. (Agent)

It is at that point we reach the collective look of “We’ve only had Tony a day and a half but if anything happened to him we’d kill everyone in the galaxy and then ourselves”

suffer reading all that Darth Mags

lets. fucking. go.

Ke'ade

loving that Tragic Backstory™ and whenever someone says the words Bounty Hunter I always go 👀👀👀👀👀

HES TINY!!??!?!? HE IS SMOL???!!!!?!?!???! he is mine now I am stealing him. AND HES FORCE SENSITIVE??!!?!?!?!

in curious abt this perfect-je si-embodiment-of-peace-and-serenity and now the two would act around each other 👀👀👀👀

Mar'keo

Mar'keo and the Seven Dumbasses sjfsjfsjfsfhzhfsh p l e a s e its like this weird off brand snow white movie I watched at the beach with Hero 😂😂😂

okay so im assuming this is the Perfect Jedi Character you were talking abt?? ok good.

cant wait for chaos slut to make an appearance

aww, poor alcoholic bby, its ok I support him no matter what. also all this talk of mek-sha is scaring me.

NICKY I think I remember nicky jahshshha

I'm assuminf the gremlin is Ke'ade??? correct me if I'm wrong please :))

"that dad that says he doesn't want any more kids but then adopts the next child he sees" ahem do you mean Qui-Gon???? I think you mean Qui-Gon.

THE RHYME I'm in love

Nicky

NICKY !!!!! sweet feral nicky :') I love him already.

Hes just tired, he took down the big bad, let him rest.

done with everything??? batshit 25/8????? sounds like my kind of dude tbh

the alderaan accident 👀👀👀 im intrigued

we stan jedi besties-since-birth

FUCK YEAH JEDI KNIGHT BABEYYY

Trii'va

ma'am pls step on me

I live for chaotic dumbass ladies

honestly she just sounds so cool, 10/10 I love her

MARRIED TO MAULS RIGHT HAND LADY AYYYYY

did someone say badass wives who kick as a while looking hot as fuck? no??

He'katia

I have no words to express how much I love her

LIBRARY LESBIAN

I just zhshhagaggagsga

showing off her wide??? tea parties with maul?????? gimme.

Kel'katis

*bangs fist on table* CHAOS SLUT

I love the him. I want more. please tell me more abt the chaos slut.

lmaooo soft hair battle 😂😂😂 I love it

Karavia

AUNTIE KAVVY P L E A S E THATS SO CUTE

this woman. I just- jdhdhshjshshsh

I love her.

pissing off the entitled and then the gang copies her 😂😂😂 I love it

Ahtoan

TONY

TOPHAT MCGEE

I LOVE HIM

babie

never had a real family 😭😭😭 please let me hug him, that's so soft abt the healing hshsbzbahbzb

in conclusion, I love them all.

its OC day! ~ celebration info post

[hegglespeggles]

How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

 Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.  

  FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1.    Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2.    Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

  3.    Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a  great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

  4.    MATH THE SECOND

 The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

 RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5.    CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

  6.    Filling in the skeleton

 I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a)      You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

or

b)     You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7.    Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

 The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

  8.    Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

 Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

  9.    Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

  10.       Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

 No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

 Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps. 

[everyman0]

A PALE BLUE GHOST

over on the discord, i announced my decision to make another trip to the Edge to try my luck at finding any kind of clue that could help me make sense of it. patrick gave me a whole lot of lip about not using his fucking mirror and other bullshit, but ill save that for another post. this is a lot more fresh and painful for me.

going back outside was a mistake.

i journeyed the five hours it took to get to the impenetrable black wall of the Edge. my plan was to walk down its length, survey anything unusual, you know. obviously i wouldnt have been able to observe all of it in one day as ive mentioned the area it covers is rather large, but i felt some effort was better than none at all, and i wasnt exactly comfortable with the idea of spending the night this far away from the house. simple enough right? there was nothing out of place on the way out here, so i hardly expected what i saw just as i approached the wall. 

it was jeff. sort of.

when i first saw him, he appeared almost like a reflection of me in the blackness. as i stepped closer to the wall, so did he step forward as well - until eventually seeming to step out of the wall entirely. we stood face to face, a mere foot apart, and i noticed then that his entire being was tinted with a pale blue.

i was terrified. i wanted to run away, but i couldnt make myself do it. so i asked timidly, "what are you doing here?"

jeff seems to come alive then.

"what? you told me to grab some stuff for the video today."

fucking bastard. i was still scared, but somehow i just knew he was mocking me. i frown, reaffirming my stance. i had to ask myself if jeff would even do such a thing to me...and then i figured yeah, probably - ghost or not.

"dont you dare pull that bullshit on me," i said, "those days are long gone." and they were. 

jeff laughs. "don't you miss it? simpler times." he splays his hands out like an offering. "cant be all that bad to pretend, for a little while."

i squint my eyes at him - both of them. these days i dont bother wearing an eyepatch, since the point was for evans comfort to begin with. now it doesnt matter that i have a gaping fucking hole in my head for all to see.

i ball my fists at my sides. "i dont have time to pretend, and i dont have time for this conversation - so lets get to the point. why are you here?"

"to see my old friend again! and to tell you there's always more than meets the eye." jeff then taps a finger underneath his left eye, and a phantom pain throbs in my own empty socket. i try to ignore it. 

"yeah, no shit," i say, and cross my arms. i was losing my patience. "if you're just going to spout vague nonsense at me like every other motherfucker does on a constant basis, i'm sorry to say but i will have to pass. i have more important things to do."

"like stand in front of this wall and bitch? is that what you're doing here?" jeff grins, and tilts his head at me. i just scoff, and deciding i had enough, i begin trying to do what i came to the wall for in the first place and begin walking parallel to it. jeff follows after me.

"im only bitching because here you are to distract me," i say, side-eyeing him, "so if you don't mind, kindly fuck off."

"i do mind, actually. why do you even want to leave? its paradise in here. no need to eat or drink, perfect climate, no irritating neighbors or awkward staredowns at the grocery store- you'd love it!"

i stop in my tracks. i hate that the sound of his voice is enough to get me to actually consider his words. but i do, and then i say:

"you know, for a while there, i did enjoy it. to an extent, anyways. you can only enjoy so much when you are all too aware of every little fucking thing. and maybe i could have handled the ghost thing, right? like you said, no neighbors or weird interactions. but then i saw this wall, and now i feel like a trapped animal - and im not okay with that."

"so if you couldnt see the wall, it'd be fine?"

i shake my head, "i came out here the first time to see if i could leave, and i wouldve kept walking if there was nothing to stop me. maybe i would have returned, after a while, had i done so. maybe not." i shrug, somewhat frustrated at the thought. "a wall is a wall, whether i can see it or not. seeing isnt the problem, the existence of the thing is."

"well yeah, but you can't just leave." jeff says it like its obvious. in hindsight, maybe it was. i could already imagine a few reasons as to why, but i wanted to pry out what jeff seems to think the answer is.

so i ask, "and why is that?"

jeff answers: "because there's...people, out there? like, innocent fuckin people, dude." well duh.

i roll my eyes, "im aware. but what does that have to do with me, exactly? habit is already somewhere else doing god knows what."

jeff looks on blankly. "we don't need two of you out there."

ouch. and unfortunately, on some level i believe it to be true. and the implication that i would intentionally hurt or even kill anyone like habit would...im sadly all too aware of the likelihood, really. it doesnt hurt because i feel bad, it hurts because i dont. however, i wasnt about to let this guy know that.

i say, "it's not like id be very social anyways. at this point, i dont think i could even stomach it."

jeff takes on a darker sort of air about him. "evidently so, based on how you treated evan. do you have your head screwed on straight, dude? because like, holy shit was that hard to watch."

i tense up, and i can feel a spark of anger rising from within me. guess it didnt matter what i tried to hide, jeff knew what weak points to hit.

"i was just trying to protect him." 

"uh huh," he nods, "sorry vinny, but you're not the guardian in this one."

"clearly," i grumble, "but i was fucking trying, okay?" i was trying. jeff thought otherwise.

"yeah, trying to get everyone killed. thanks for that one, by the way. you've been self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless and horrible to everyone around you that isn't the entity playing games with our lives, and you can't keep pretending it's not true! do some soul searching. meditate. i don't care. but you're not leaving any time soon, so you'd better get used to it." jeff jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger.

it didnt take but a moment to process jeffs words, and ultimately, i agree with him. im a terrible fucking person. i just am. but i wasnt going to give jeff the satisfaction of me fessing up to it - because i felt like all of this was beginning to become unproductive bullshit and i wanted to do what i came all the way out here to do dammit.

i go to smack jeffs hand away from me, but i come to find that i simply pass through him like he was air. i felt the jab, though, even if superficially. this confirms my suspicion about the ghost thing, but jeff was different from the ghosts in the town; like being able to talk and acknowledge my existence.

i take a step back, "we'll see about that. who the fuck made this wall, hm? you of all things must know right? since you are apparently a plethora of knowledge of good and evil now. can you do that much for me jeff?"

jeff considers my words before he turns away from me to face the terrible wall, his hands on his hips, and his head craning back to presumably observe the wall's endless climb into the sky above.

"habit designed this gaudy architecture as part of his grand scheme. you probably could have figured that much, eh? but what you wouldnt know is that its been here since the very beginning, before you even arrived at the house." he looks back at me, "come on vin. you should know by now that habit is well prepared...even if this timeline is bonkers. you shouldnt need me to tell you that."

i grumble in annoyance, but consider his words carefully. sure, maybe i didnt need him to tell me habit was a suspect in all this, and maybe i could have figured that out just by doing what i had originally planned with scouting the perimeter of the wall. but...here jeff was, telling me things outright. it was a convenient time saver really, even if he was going about it in a bitchy way. i needed to take advantage of this.

"so, if habit made this cage to keep me in, why shouldnt i try to break out? why shouldnt i try to fight his subjugation?"

"one, because habit has eons of experience over you and you'll likely fuck something up really badly," jeff says, and turns towards me again. "two, you're part of this place now. removing you would shatter a really delicate balance. the house is a place of fluctuation, because there's not enough power to sustain herself. and you're radiating power, dude. would you really just abandon her like that, after all she's done to keep you safe and alive?"

ouch again...ugh. i dont usually feel guilty over a lot of things, but jeffs second point seemed to get to me.

i relent. i cower my head to stare at the ground. "i wouldnt have left her forever."

jeff gives me a disappointed sigh. "go back home, man. she's really worried about you."

i bite my lip and give the slightest of nods. i still want to do what i can to escape, and i hadnt forgotten about why i came to the wall in the first place...but jeff's words had me thinking about my desires for the house. in truth, the house and i have formed a strange sort of...i dunno, friendship? its the closest human word i can think for it. i would talk to her, she would listen. id even clean up her rooms, even though ive observed that she can do it by herself.

i think she may be the only thing in this world that can understand me now.

so i feel like in some weird way, the house cares about me. she has done quite a few favors for me, after all; favors that kept me safer. jeff was right again, and i couldnt shake the wrongness of abandoning the house enough to continue talking my way out of this bind.

it was time to go then. but first, i look back up at jeff.

"what about you?" i ask, my mood seriously taking a nose dive off a cliff. sad and desperate and pathetic and lonely. "you came all this way from wherever, however you did it, to tell me all this...are you going to leave me now too, just like evan?" fuck. "i wouldn't blame you if you did...but i have to admit, it was nice seeing you again."

and truthfully, it was - despite the treatment i received. its fine. i deserved it.

jeff leans in, and i can feel the pity in his eyes as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"that choice isn't mine to make."

and then he shoves me away from the wall with a force that sends me tumbling across the ground a good few feet. i think it fucked up my shoulder. its fine. deserved that too.

and then i went home.

>>

[futurewriter2000]

Quick rant

Okay so I have this friend who has a bf (woo shocker) and today she told me that her bf doesnt like me. And first of all I am a DELIGHT to be around with and secondly hhow the fuck can he judge me without even knowing me. And not that I care that he doesnt like me. I don't and I do. But like you wanna know why doesn't he like me? Because I see him. Bc I see him as a fucking manipulative motherfucker that he is. And he's not bad. I know he's not "that bad" and its not that I hate him. No its not that but you know what it is? When I heard that he doesnt like me I was relived. Why? Because since that day that we ran at each other when I was with me he pretended he didnt know me. He pretended he didnt know me or my sister or anybody when clearly on New Years 2018 we met. And he knew who I was long before that and long after that and he still pretended that he didnt know. And my friend kept telling me what a Saint he is and how he doesnt drink and how he's a 20 yo virgin and I love my friend, I really do but I told her many times that she is too naive. I told her that this guy, her bf, he knows me and he knows who my sister is. And when I last saw him he was drunk on his ass so you cant tell me that he doesnt drink when he does. And I didn't tell her this bc I didnt want to come off too strong but what the fuck? 20 yo virgin, from Balkan, who is literally a hooligan, and he had a serious relationship with a girl he was deeply in love with for the past two years before he met my friend and youre telling me that in both of his 18th and 19th year before he met my friend didnt fuck her????? Then what did they do?? Sit and watch each other??? Like I know she wants to see the best in people and shes in love with him a d she believes hes a virgin but man is she so naive.

And, wait here comes the good part. When I told her that he was drunk the last time I saw him, she asked him that and he denied it. And guess which one she believed. Yes. Him. A guy who she has known at that time for three months and me who she has known then 2 years. She believed him. HIM! Like how fucking dense does she think I am that I cannot see 5he fucking difference between a man who is sober and a man who is drunk. I grew up with an alcoholic. Like I can pretty much see someone from a mile always and tell you that hes drunk or sober.

But ok. I let it slide bc she was in love with him and she was so happy and I loved seeing her so happy. So even when I had this gut feeling about him... Dislike?? Perhaps idk I just wanted her to be happy.

Even tho he deleted and blocked my sister from snapchat for to "prove" to my friend that he is loyal. (Like fucking deleting someone from snapchat makes you loyal. No. It makes you a fucking prick. Obsessive little fuckers.). Even tho he kept calling my friend about her whereabouts or bc she didnt reply that instant minute. Like shes in school. She cant text you you dumbass. Like if she doesnt reply to him in 5 minutes, hes calling her. Love or wanting someone to control? You tell me. And even tho he wanted to sleep with my friend like 3 months after they started dating... Like i let all of that slide bc all I wanted was to see my friend happy. Cuz she sparkles when shes happy and thats just a sparkle you dont want to take away.

And now she told me he doesnt like me and I was glad bc at that same moment I could finally say that I don't like him back. Idk what his reasons are, I know what mine are but I have a feeling that I know one of his reasons. It's that I see him. I see him through all the bullshit he puts on. He doesnt like me because he's afraid of what I might do. Talk to my friend about every fucking logical reason that he's nothing more bjt your typical fucking liar.

But he's afraid for no reason. Idc that he doesnt like me. Honestly, my friend didnt listen to me when I tried to tell her that he might not be who she thi is. And tbh I love that sparkle in her but that's not my fight. He is her decision. Not mine. Im going to stay away bc unlike him, I don't know what he is like when they are alone and I don't know who he is. I don't know him in the way she does and maybe he really is an sober 20 yo virgin who goes to those fan weird things (it still doesnt make sense to me but what if. I know he wasnt sober that night).

I am okay with that but what I am mad about is that he thinks like I am that typical friend who wants to break them up. Like no. I'm not and I bet youre not a typical žic študent. I know hes hardworking. I know he tries his best in school and I know that he isnt all bad as I said at the top. Everybody has flaws but like... Just because I see him under all of that put up shows does not mea. HE DOES T FUCKING GET TO NOT LIKE ME! I AM AMAZING AND HE SHOULD BE INTIMIDATED BY ME BC I LOOK AFTER MY FRIENDS THAT SON OF A BITCH AND IF HE TRIES TO FUCKING TURN MY FRIEND AGAINST ME HE SHOULD FUCKING BE PREPARED BC I AM ALL ABOUT BREAKING NECKS!

[cryptidofthekeys]

Its another tf2 oc and im not ashamed

Let me break it down to y’all how this happened, so basically- I wanted a mafia-esque spy character but then my brain decided ok mafia mans is coolio BUT WHAT IF... t e n t a s p y mafia boss man? And voila here this fucker is

Name: Alphonse Blanchard | Titles/Nicknames: The Spy, Boss which usually his "partners" call him that, or just call him Alphonse, only ONE person can call him AL, anyone else tries it and well it wont be a very pleasant experience | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Used to be a normal human, now he's a Tentaspy- a m o n s t e r. | Age: 49s/50s | Occupation: Even tho he's got the title of The Spy n such- he's p much teechnically a Mafia Boss- b i g boss man for sure- | Height: When he was human he was about 5'7", but now he's 8'9" (nearly 9ft) | Eye Color: His eye color when he was human was a Steel Gray color, his eyes are now a Charcoal color (mostly for their meanings n stuff), his pupils are also slit ones now. | Hair Color: (even though most of his face except for his eyes and mouth are covered by a balaclava and you'd most likely never see him without his mask on, his hair color is black with grey streaks in the sides of it, however for the record- his hair is VERY tidy and slicked back) | Appearance: Now, not much changes tbh- except... he cant wear pants bc of the tentacles on his lower half but I'll get to those in a minute, he wears v e r y fancy and HIGHLY expensive suits, only the f i n e s t of clothing for him, usually he wears dark gray or black suits but he does have other colors- their just ALL dark colors, he likes the appeal of black or gray colors- and he d e f i n i t e l y loves the meaning behind them, they fit him so well... He also wears fedoras, he has some rings (you know the ones- the ones that some mafia characters or just big shots in general tend to wear- yeaah, his biggest ring and the one he usually wears has a skull on it-), and he of course has a circle beard, oh and he has a lot of scars both on his upper human body and his tentacles even, just- gettin that outta the way right quick- now onto his more monstrous features... For starters, let's get the simple one out of the way, he DOES have claws now, long sharp black claws to be more specific- his tentacles are pitch black on top with Smoke Gray tiger-like stripes going down them his underbelly is also Smoke Gray color- and oh boy... here's the most complex thing- his teeth, while all his teeth are p much bear trap teeth, his lateral incisors both top and bottom are longer kinda like vampire teeth or something like that ya know, his actual canines both top and bottom ones along with his first AND second premolars (again both the top ones AND the bottom ones are actually curved (kinda like an anaconda's in a way- p much- just- hooked teeth, perfect for hooking onto prey and not letting go if need be) | Personality: Oh b o y well, where to even begin with this motherfucker? He's narcissistic as hell "I k n o w I'm handsome, yes~" and god forbid you compliment him or anything- bc with e v e r y compliment, every good thing said about him his ego inflates and grows tenfold, even if you say bad shit about him- he don't give a fuck- as long as it doesn't affect his reputation then you'll be fine! He'll just pay no mind to petty insults or anything, at first- insults calling him a monster n anything similar bothered him, it made him feel sick every time someone had used those insults but now? Now... While he would MUCH prefer to have legs again (its honestly just bc its easier to walk around with legs than tentacles), he e m b r a c e s the fact he's a monster, he knows there's no reversing this, if there was- he would... he wouldn't go OUT of his way for it BUT he would at the very least TRY  to get his hands on whatever could cure this, ahem anyways- he's come to terms with what he is even if some things about it aren't... ideal... I wouldn't say he's EVIL really, he's more so a neutral unless provoked/attacked- t h e n he'll "take care" of whatever or whoever's causing the problem with NO mercy whatsoever, but other than that he can be a reasonable man, just don't piss him off, steal from him, etc- basically don't make enemies with him and you should be just fine, he isn't one for small talk or anything like that, he wants to talk business, business and m o n e y even, even if he is a fucking HIGHLY rich bastard, he always wants more- he's got a BIT of a greed streak in him for sure (that doesn't mean however he won't let others borrow money, he just expects them to pay it back in the end or sometimes... he'll use his money for ahem, undercover classified reasons...) He'll flirt with a n y o n e if they happen to catch his eye, not just ladies either- men, ladies, no gender? What the fuck ever, if he wants- he's GONNA flirt with anyone, even if it might not end in love or whatever, he doesn't? really? He doesn't really care tbh, love is alright and if it happens it happens but honestly- he's just a fucking flirty b i t c h, who loves to see that flustered look and get a reaction from the other, you'll never truly know... feelings? Maybe but probably not... (tl;dr: Flirty bitch- I wouldnt hold hopes for feelings, greed streak but isn't afraid to let others borrow money so long as they pay it back in the end- some things he uses it for are classified- p much [REDACTED] info, neutral unless provoked/attacked, no mercy nor care towards enemies- can and WILL wipe out every single one of his enemies without a single t r a c e being left behind, even tho he's a monster now and has a LOT more strength than a normal human, he still tends to use guns or knives but isn't afraid to use his monstrous features if need be, narcissistic bastardery at its finest- compliment him and watch his ego inflate! "Don't you want r e a l friends Alphonse and not just henchmen or lackeys?" "....Non, not in the slightest, absolutely disgusting to even ASSUME I need friends, I, myself am my best company, better than any friend could e v e r do" w o w- b a s t a r d energy there huh) | Side Facts: ...Truth be told, he won't e v e r forget the day he turned into... this... this t h i n g... Even if he's accepted his fate, even if he's accepted to be this monster, the memory still lingers and haunts him and his very dreams, he has nightmares about it, and its mostly due to the agonizing pain he felt d u r i n g his little "transformation", it happened one day- he was in his own medic's lab (yes, the bitch has his o w n doctor), it was a normal routine health check up his medic liked to do- the man was always harping onto Alphonse for that pesky smoking habit of his, but then suddenly, one of the rival- well, t h e y call themselves family- Alphonse only considers the people he hired to be henchmen, lackeys, OR- just employees for basic terms, but one of his rivals broke in and decided to open fire and of course, it turned into an all out gun war, Alphonse DID get shot- which is what caused him to stumble backwards into a shelf full of god knows what, after he bumped it, a few jars of weird substances had fallen onto him, after that he could feel his body twisting and contorting, he remembers the a g o n i z i n g pain he felt that day, it was worse than that mere gunshot wound that he had... Aside from the horrifying memory of what fate had befell him... He also remembers what he d i d to his little rivals... He remembers the mortified and terror-stricken look on their faces, all of them had ran- except for... their boss... so much for "family sticks together" huh, he remembers slithering over towards the boss, who- well, he tried to fire from the looks of it, but he was so terrified that he had dropped his gun, Alphonse had never seen such terror on a grown man's face like that, but he loved e v e r y. s e c o n d. until the very end, he doesn't remember what came over him in the end, maybe it was blind fury, or maybe it was just instincts, but after he did what he did... He remembers seeing the boss's head ripped off completely along with other limbs ripped off and flung across the room. Unfortunately, his suit was v e r y messy after that- He actually still keeps the boss's head preserved- almost like a t r o p h y in fact... ....Oh, your probably wondering what happened to his doctor, right? ....Well, I'll say is he's still out there, he didn't get killed- neither by the rivals nor Alphonse's instincts/fury, but truth be told... He doesn't REALLY wanna come back, he wants to stay hidden- I will say, yes- he DID see Alphonse transform, but after that he fled- part of him figured deep down that Alphonse would be v e r y angry with him since h e was technically the one who had those jars just sitting around on the shelf and he did NOT wanna stick around if that man was c r o s s with him... now whether or not Alphonse will ever encounter/find him again? ... Who knows- h e h ASIDE from all the backstory of why he turned into a Tentaspy, let's move onto things Alphonse just- likes to do in his spare time when he's not talking business n all that jazz- He usually smokes some of his cigarettes or cigars, he loves the cigars more though- he'll also do some reading in his spare time as well, or he'll listen to some calming music- sometimes he'll do all three, smoke, read, and listen to some calming music- he's not... the most exciting man, he's just usually busy- so when he's not- he'll just do those things- He'll SOMETIMES go outside and get some fresh air, usually its at night- not necessarily just bc there's l e s s people to worry about- but usually because he enjoys looking up and seeing the moonlight when its out, such a beautiful sight...

[cleaduvalls]

i watched all 20 episodes of spy kids: mission critical in about a week and here are my thoughts (3/5)

1.9

i havent watched this in like 2 days i dont even remember what happened last time

why is everything in the desert the desert sucks

alsjhiajgdf i love tom kenny

listen i know hes like a superandroid or whatever but i really hope he and therese fall in love

wait hold up. i thought they already had midterms???? like the did that before scorpion went to her fashion shoot. AND they were kupkakkes midterms. whats up with this school

no drinking in class???? rude. let them hydrate

that seems imbalanced

aHh

thats only like 10

also that book is dummy thicc

its ok ace my nose whistles too

shut up carmen youre just jealous because shes pretty

there are no seasons its a desert

ok dude stop breathing so hard

he JUST said that

anywhere between an hour and umm... 11 months

you put it on one page why are all the pages back

me but with physics

thats literally the best line in the whole series

juni how do you not know that you were at a safe H O U S E

theyve been gone for like 2 hours are they not allowed to study?????

what even is AWOL???

absent without leave. neat

talon gives off some big draco energy

tick tock???? how dare you

slkdhfa she called sir awesome honey shes such a mom

dont make it obvious

oh look they made it obvious

roll credits

i was in cleveland when i watched this episode - well actually i left that day - and i was s h o o k e t h

also hes right. no spy would be in cleveland. theres 3 buildings

oh me too

right bc shes the only “I.A.”

ew

eW

this isnt HARRY POTTER. or maybe it is. talon is a hardcore draco

oh right bc swearing is for Men™

update tumblr decided to break AGAIN (im boutta cry btw) so we lost about 5 minutes from the end of 1.9 and 7 from the beginning of 1.10

1.10

its a DOORBELL do they not have those in the outback steakhouse

lots of people. doofenshmirtz, other people who i cant think of right now, etc

???? no it wont????

did your troop leader not give you The Talk??? you NEVER go in the customers house

ace no. youre allowed to not buy treats

theres a triforce on her vest, too

shes just gonna go to another house yall. shell be f i n e

oh my God shes holding hands with mauly im gonna c r y

yeah its called saliva

nope only scorpion lives in a castle

stop bringing up spy sense and tell him you saw her glare at you

HES ALLOWED TO LIKE FOOD

how do you know that he doesnt have his phone if YOU dont know where it is and HE cant tell you

i love how she says "floor. ceiling. more thumb"

haha i found the birth of venus

oh and the creation of adam

hes like squidward, which would make sense bc goldies voiced by tom kenny who voices spongebob

"sebastian oliver" "shadow operative" S.O. nice

why do you have a trailblazers badge. youre 4. i didnt get one til i was a cadette

also sebastian???? isnt that the toymakers first name????? you cant have 2 sebastians

also why do you have braces. youre still 4

"SIR MEANIE FACE" IF SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME ID BE D E V A S T A T E D

SCORPION LET HER CRY SHES F O U R

so really, spy sense DID help

oooooh, sentry duty, thats gotta hurt

WHAT THE H E C K YOURE F O U R

she looks like frickin plushtrap

aCE NO YOURW GONNA D I E

oh trust me they hurt me more than you know

dude theyre so thin youre f i n e

eh, still worked

clicking her teeth together so hard must H U R T

i think she can get out of there. also shes concussed now

why was that so quiet. why did it get louder

thats not a y shape

no, they spy kids

oh shiitake mushrooms thats what THEY said

whenever they say pinnoquinoxx i always think of pinnochio

ahdhhsjak i miss pizza parties 😔

well now we ALL expect it

also, no one????? pick a cooler code name. your regular name was cool and now youve ruined it

2.1

oh theres finally a skip intro option. im not taking it

stop saying that its weird

EWWWWWW CRUSTY THATS SO G R O S S

haha shes shopping w the goon. love that

oh yeah i didnt get to tell yall yet but i absolutely h a t e gablet

a lot of people, juni

listen i know a jt (but he doesnt go by jt) and uhhhhhhh were not gonna go there

why are you happy. what about second semester makes you so happy

boi thats a tardis

the design on his hoverboard looks like the aperture science logo

i paused to read the Floops label and it says "fried corn and sugar loop shaped breakfast substitute, net wt. 13 oz" ITS NOT EVEN A CEREAL ITS A BREAKFAST SUBSTITUTE IM C R Y I N G

listen i know hes technically scorpions dad but i dont think he can legally be in the dorm rooms

aww, thats sweet

i dont think gablet has an attached printer

gablet always sounds like shes mocking people

oh dear God its dolores umbridge

haha nerd

awesome no im gonna die

whenever carmen yells she sounds like link

ok so i didnt find a reason why she sounds like link but i DID find that theyre making a wherea waldo tv series so uhhhh thats fun

why does the cat have a bandaid

GABLET S T O P

OH!!!!!! ON THE WALL!!!!!!! ITS THE TUMBLR POST WITH THE FORK AND KNIFE ETIQUETTE PICTURE!!!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE!!!!!

oh no fart jokes

its even the basic fart sound effect

BAHAHAH MY PHONE VIBRATED AT THE SAME TIME HE FARTED THAT WAS WEIRD

oh no i hate him

stop SLURPING

uh yeah???? you heard them yelling about it

how??? does that work??? you cant just like catch electricity in a cup.... can you???? i havent studied it since 4th grade

oh worm??

goldies such a boomer

worm??

psi shouldnt be at the drawing board right now. he also shouldnt be confused

what happened to the lasers

wait nvm we havent gotten to that episode yet

ace is valid, dark is Scary

im gonna punch gablet in the face

that doesnt sound realistic

do you not have stairs??????

dont you mean inside AND out??

that flashlight did NOTHING

how did it die so fast?????

who else would you be talking to??

isnt that bowser from the mario movie we dont speak of??

i havent gotten a chance to tell yall but i absolutely love clemp. hes such a mood

hes the greatest spy

does it use a mini transmooker???? ig it doesnt bc gablet works but thatd be lit

SEE SHES IMMORTAL

me when i see something interesting

ME WHEN IM NOT ON MY PHONE

i dont think you can legally say that

you killed her

me

wow nice promo

also just???? bring a charger????? like youre the tech girl why do you not have one at all times

how?????? did you go so fast

machete electric bubbles??? nice

just task manager him

mother of all boards sounds like it could be a cuss...mother of all fuckers

also throwback to 1.7 when she says "his ai firewalled his motherboard" i keep expecting her to say "his ai firewalled this motherfucker"

yes i said keep ive watched that episode too many times to count

worm??

why did you giggle and make a flirty pose. are yall supposed to get together???

did you????? kill him????????? holy shit

2.2

thats what my dad does. he loves hospital corners

idc what it is you have a bazooka

ok if it was a spider id get it, australia has some deadly ones, but does it have deadly ants too???? like is that a Thing????

also ants in your room are gross

was that just a cameo??? i dont remember what happens in this one

haha because he said grapevines and wine has dregs and wine is made of grapes

for the boys??? thats so cute

listen idc how evil you are EVERYONE should cry over otters

so one of the parents has a sister or sister in law named roxanna..... hmmm.......

if you dont use your turn signal h*ck u

hes gonna D I E

i just looked at my shoe and i think theres blood on it???? what the h*ck

suspicious??? about.... what???? having fears???? not being perfect?????

juni that was awful wording

JUNI WHAT DID YOU D O TO HIM

like i know what he DID but the way it plays out makes it seem like something significant

i thought his name was heavy meddle not.... deth metal???? thats how the subtitles spell it

hahah me

he sounds like bling bling boy

yeah ik im a fool thanks for reminding me

what are you gonna do??? kill juni????

POOR WORD CHOICE JUNI

oh he gives exactly 0 h*cks

a shoe doesnt make that sound

crack bugs?????

see thats why you dont mess with things

im a god among boys??????? what????

did you... kill them????????????

thats any australian person

theyre so stupid i love them

good i hate her

i thought the gunk just like... disappeared from the guitar but actually it shot off

he died... 😔

uhh.... yeah????? was it not obvious?????

me when i have 5 dollars