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jodilin65 · 4 years ago

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SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2020 Feeling kind of bad for Aly who has had more health issues than anyone deserves, especially her and especially for one who is still relatively young. It makes me realize even more that the extra weight I carry, even if it’s not much for my age, is a sign that I’m healthy. The extra weight and my muscle makes it hard for me to jump and things like that, but is actually much better than being too thin. I’m sure Aly has a great range of mobility compared to me, even though flexibility isn’t just about one’s weight, but looking and feeling sickly can be worse than having a little extra meat, so seeing her suffer in the way she’s suffering makes me feel bad for her and see the good in what I’ve got. If I were like Kim that would be different as that’s way too extreme. But a little cushy or not, I definitely look and feel healthy. Just tired and anxious at times. November turned out to be a good month anxiety-wise as I only had one anxious day. Still have another day left this month to go, though.

There really is no getting around that age-old golden rule of burning more than you take in to lose weight, but as long as I’m healthy and therefore with a decent appetite, I still can’t see myself either burning it through working out practically all day long or by mega-low calories which again, couldn’t be done just to lose the weight but also to keep it off, so it would have to be a complete lifestyle change. No thanks! I would rather just be sensible, so to speak, and eat healthy most of the time and keep active as well. That’s good enough for me except that my hip has decided no more activity for me today.

He and I went out walking and I did some jogging which evolved into all-out running, and ouch! Not so sure it’s an injury that never heals anymore so much as arthritis, but I can’t say for sure. Because I’m on nights half the time, it’s still good for me to get out when I can to get some sunlight. I just have to try to keep from running as much as it’s hard to resist when I’m going downhill.

Yesterday I was very active. Did a 15-minute walk and 44-minute aerobics video.

LMAO! Tom just started sneezing which got Rockefeller screaming. Of course the picky, ungrateful bastards are ignoring their vitamin C tablets. Oh well. It’s their health. Rockefeller has always been fine. It’s just Blitz that’s questionable but maybe it isn’t about a lack of vitamin C but something else instead. He doesn’t always limp anyway.

I may have been active before my hip got to me but I’m being a naughty girl food-wise as I usually am once a week. I would go crazy if I could never take a day off and treat myself which is exactly what would be the case if I were to take any of the extreme measures to lose weight. I would still rather wait until I’m old and dying, LOL. So while I did get a small box of chocolate-covered cherries, I didn’t want to overdo the sugary treats, so I got a tin of popcorn with three different flavors… caramel, cheddar and butter. The tin has a cute puppy design on it and even though it has a wintry background it’s so cute and I might save it.

We also indulged in DiGiorno pizza and while he absolutely loved it, I think it’s overpriced crap. The stuffed crust was okay but the pizza itself wasn’t the least bit crispy like I like it. It was almost soggy and fell apart in my hands.

Since I’ve been dreaming of Aly more often lately, I wonder if will be meeting next year after all. It’s usually just her and I talking and sometimes Tom as well. It also doesn’t seem to be at her house but at a restaurant which does make sense when you consider Cam has to sleep during the day. If we did end up driving we would never have to go to her house. We could meet at a hotel or restaurant.

It’s still a toss of a coin at this point as to whether or not we’re going to drive or fly. It’s all going to depend on money and I can assure you that I’m going to be delighted and disappointed no matter which one happens, LOL. We’ll just have to wait and see what our money is like then and what we can get for this place. If we fly, I really REALLY hope she can eventually make it down to us in Florida whether she flies or drives by herself or with someone else!

IDK, the flying dream left me with one of “those” feelings that the Aly dreams didn’t.

Peace from the planes at night is now a thing of the past. Figured they would steal the nights anytime now. So now I have to listen to the fuckers until midnight. When they really get to me, I want to lash out at them on Twitter but they’ll never read it, and if they ever did start reading their mentions, they still won’t give a shit about anybody but themselves.

I tried to go live on Twitter but whenever I would play back the video, it cut off some of what I was saying. Same with when I tried to do regular videos.

I checked my schedule program to get a sense of where my schedule is going to line up for my March and April appointments, and my ENT and PCP look good. The dentist is iffy, though.

Tom is treating me to a couple of sets of nail stickers for my upcoming birthday, including striping stickers to decorate some of them with, and blueberry-vanilla K-Cups! :-)

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2020 Got 4 perfume samples in the mail yesterday.

I was looking at striping stickers for nails on Amazon that I think I’ll grab whenever we do another order. It would be a great way to jazz up the dull colors that some of these sets include. They’re mostly metallics in different colors.

I’ve had a night to sleep on it and I still feel like I’m making the right decision by eating when I’m hungry and not depriving my body of the variety it needs. On Atkins, you can only have the same damn 4 foods…fruit, veggies, meat and eggs. I love that stuff but once or twice a week I want to add a little sugar or maybe have some pizza or indulge in creamy pasta like chicken noodle casserole or turkey tetrazzini. I don’t want to keep eating the same foods day in and day out. And again, even if I was suddenly 120 pounds at the snap of my fingers, I would still have to continue eating those 4 foods every day for life to maintain it.

But the reality is that this will only drop me a few pounds. Not worth the deprivation. Part of loving and accepting myself is letting my body do what it naturally feels it needs to do. If I eat right most days and keep active yet gain some weight, then it was just meant to be, and my body felt it needed it. Becoming obese doesn’t automatically mean I’m going to be unhealthy though I do kind of worry about how I’ll get around since it’s going to dampen my mobility even more, but millions of obese/morbidly obese people survive, so I will too.

Just a little hesitant to start before my last appointment with my Cali doctors but we’ve got a Walmart delivery coming tomorrow with more variety for me. I miss having snacks between meals too, and it’s hard to bring myself to snack on veggies when I have them with every single fucking meal. So I got some gluten-free ice cream that’s keto-friendly and some popcorn.

I vaguely remember visiting Aly in my dreams, although it wasn’t her house but her parents’ instead. It was a 3-story house that was tall and skinny with walls made of stone. There were these trees that extended up and over it and I thought, Wow, those are really tall trees!

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2020 Yesterday I did my nails with beautiful silver-to-black gradient stickers, but they weren’t sticky enough and fell off. I replaced them with a better brand and now they’re light pink.

Then an idea came to me on how to make the shitty brand stickier. If I use my tea tree base coat, that would make my nail surface smoother and maybe the strips would stick easier. I wouldn’t have to damage my nails with polish remover to remove it either since it could just flake off and not be visible since it’s clear. However, I find that pulling nail stickers off of the polish that’s underneath it can remove enough of it.

Decided that once we move, I’m going to let myself gain whatever weight my body feels it needs to gain by eating a comfortable calorie amount and a comfortable amount of variety. I know it sounds funny but I’m tired of trying to hold back the tide here. It’s just too much work. Depriving myself of calories and variety day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, just isn’t worth it. I don’t know how much I’ll gain and I know that it would be putting my health at risk to a degree, but I’ll still eat healthy most of the time and I’ll still be active most days because I’m too restless not to be. I’ve thought it through and told myself to be sure I’m ready to do this because once I climb up the scale, I’m not going to be able to get back down. But yes. It’s time. I’m ready. I’m tired of constantly having to hold back in so many ways, plus I’m never going to have a normal thyroid/metabolism.

It takes a certain amount of calories to maintain certain weights so since I don’t plan to keep increasing my calorie intake indefinitely, I don’t think I would gain weight all my life and end up 1000 pounds overweight. I hope I won’t even hit 200 but I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. I just know I can’t keep going the way I have for another 20-something years. It isn’t that I would eat much more quantity-wise than I already do but I would have more variety more often and some of those foods aren’t great for weight.

I figured that when we move would be a good time to do it because we’re going to be getting new clothes in Florida anyway and I figure a new doctor can’t be alarmed over all this sudden weight gain if it’s already there. But if I went from 155 to 180 with this doctor, she could really get on me about it and I really hate being nagged about things I have little to no control over. Not saying my weight would go to 180 but I suppose it could.

Again, I know this wouldn’t help my blood pressure or cholesterol and that I would lose even more flexibility and be at risk of diabetes but always having to choke back this and avoid that really drives a person crazy after a while.

The statins sometimes give me an upset stomach. I still feel queasy now. Last night, when I felt nauseous after taking my pill, I ate a couple of the pigs’ grape tomatoes and that helped settle it a little bit. This worries me, though, for when they increase my dose. Tom read that it’s a minor side effect that’s nothing serious. I just have to make sure I don’t take it on an empty stomach.

I just can’t fucking escape side effects, can I? Oh well. It’s better than some other side effects I’ve had and could have from statins.

Funny how Aly tweets on her “secret” account that she hates the word “normal” because it’s so dismissive and generic, yet she uses it in a tweet to me.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2020 Returned from a chilly yet sunny and windy walk this morning. Yesterday the planes were absolutely horrible. It was one after another after another after another… Today, however, it’s been nearly dead quiet except for the freeway. I don’t mind the buzz of the freeway as long as motorcycles stay out of the picture. I realize that if the land were as flat as Florida, we wouldn’t hear much of the freeway. Maybe a little bit if we went outside but that’s about it. But because it’s uphill, the sound can just go straight through.

The Twenties aren’t home, and no one has arrived next door or across the street. At least not yet. I’m just enjoying the peace while it lasts because I know that it isn’t every day that I’m going to be able to hear just one commercial plane and a couple of small planes and that’s it, although the day is still young. Who knows what I’ll be in for later on?

So yesterday I got a sleep score of 87 and was tired although I did perk up later in the day which I don’t usually do these days so that was nice. Today I got a sleep score of 86 and I feel great, so I don’t know if I’ll bother checking sleep scores anymore since they’re so meaningless. I could swear I heard a thump at 7:30, though, which was probably someone crashing into the speed bump, but I was getting up at that time anyway.

It was great sleeping with premium Nature Sounds last night! The $1.60 a month it costs is totally worth it. I can play two sounds at once which gives me a wider range of frequencies to help block out noise whenever I’m sleeping in the daytime. Higher-pitched sounds for the microwave beeping or something like that and lower-pitched sounds for loud vehicles. Motorcycles and other ferociously loud vehicles would still override it because we’re still very close to the street. So there’s no getting around that much. But still, I might be able to do away with the stereo altogether.

Another benefit that I accidentally discovered is that if I have chirping birds playing, my speech-to-text doesn’t click off and deactivate the document I’m working on because it thinks I’m about to say something.

Here’s where I’m glad there’s no such thing as “white privilege.” Tom has put in applications every single week and they look at them yet never call. Why? Well, his extensive work history is a good indication that he’s getting old, and his name provides enough of a clue as to his color. This would normally piss me off but because of the virus, I’m kind of glad. At the same time, he can’t stay out of work forever. If worse comes to worst, he’ll grab a job at Amazon. They take everybody all the time.

I was randomly reading around the net as I was unwinding yesterday, and it seems you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t as far as what you have for calories goes. It says 1200 calories a day is usually bad for most adults, including small women unless you only do it temporarily because it messes with your metabolism. It can also lead to other health problems.

But then if you eat more, you’re at risk of weight gain which can cause its own host of health issues. So it’s like you’re screwed either way and you might as well just eat when you’re hungry, LOL. I’ve never been a pleasure eater or a stress eater. If I’m really nervous or depressed, I can’t eat much. I almost always only eat when my body feels the urge to eat. As I was telling a friend, the standard 2000 calories a day is too much for me. 1500 is about right although some days I do go a little under or a little over.

I’ve gone up a pound recently (156 is my new low) and I’m also aware of the fact that our metabolism continues to slow about a percent each year until we’re 65, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I one day peaked 10-15 pounds higher than I am right now before I start coming back down due to a combination of the muscle and bone loss you get with age, loss of appetite, and God forbid whatever diseases or illnesses I may have in my final months or years of life.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2020 I can’t believe how many people are dumb enough to fly despite the increase in virus cases. It was one plane after another this morning as usual. Really hoping to get a break from that tomorrow with it being Thanksgiving! Along with landscaping and projects, of course. The only annoyance around here tomorrow should be vehicle-related. I’m sure there’ll be some motorcycles too.

Here we go again with the random fatigue. I just don’t understand why I have these days. As Tom says, he still feels like he felt in his twenties. He doesn’t sleep that great these days yet he still has plenty of energy. With me, it’s hit or miss. I’m either going to have the energy to function or I’m going to be too tired to do much other than what I need to do.

One problem with sleeping with Alexa’s nature sounds at night is the gap at the end which I sometimes wake up to as it loops. There’s a skill I enabled where tracks run for 10 hours and you can even mix two sounds at once but that’s a premium feature. I may try the free trial later.

Fitbit sleep scores are definitely meaningless because yesterday I got the lowest score ever of 81 yet had plenty of energy. I was super active yesterday. I went on a long walk and we wallpapered the closet which came out great and was simple enough to do. In fact, we’re thinking of papering the kitchen but probably won’t bother with the laundry room. In there, we’ll just touch up the paint where it’s needed. The only hard part about doing the closet was that since it’s smaller than a phone booth, he was pretty cramped in there. He thinks it would be easier to do the living room than that little closet.

Today I got a sleep score of 87 and I’m so exhausted it’s almost debilitating. I still don’t understand it, as I said. Something’s got to be causing it, but what??? He’s older than me, he sleeps just as shitty, yet he’s never this fatigued.

I read that it takes an average of 77 days to sell a house in California. Not sure if that applies to manufactured homes but they say about 42 days to get an offer and then another 35 to close everything. So if it went up around the first of March, we could be looking at getting out of here as early as mid-May, but June or July is more likely.

Christiane shared another video with me through Messenger yesterday. Some political rally in Germany. But then when I asked her how she was and said I was doing well even though my little rat is dying, I got nothing.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2020 I’m so glad I discovered the joy of cooking and how fun it can be, and healthy too, even if I miss things I shouldn’t have at times like potatoes and rice.

Yesterday I had salmon and a mix of veggies (zucchini, peppers, mushrooms) for my first meal, and for my second meal, I had cod with sauteed spinach and diced onion.

My diet is seriously lacking in fiber, so Fitbit is telling me, so I added some beans to the grocery list. I can’t stick to not going over 20 carbs because then I really limit myself from foods my body needs. Beans are still better than potatoes, rice, bread and pasta. If I have between 100 and 150 carbs a day, that’s not too bad.

Tom has always been one who rarely gets hungry but gets cravings instead. However, he said he’s noticed more hunger ever since his blood sugar dipped really low.

I don’t know why my Google Docs aren’t updating to the latest version on my phone, so I guess I’ll have to draft this entry up on my desktop and put up with their fucked up speech to text. Oh, it works great other than taking it upon itself to censor my swears but I hate how it deactivates the document when it stops. I wish it would keep running until I stop it.

I really appreciate the virtual hug from Aly since I discovered Fuzzy has a tumor yesterday. Yeah, my little ratty only has a few months left if even that. I suspected it a couple of days ago but wasn’t sure. It’s on the back of his neck. It’s fast-growing and now very obvious. Very typical for a 2-year-old rat too, as sad as it is. His birthday is on the 27th and he’s at the end of his lifespan.

I also appreciate how she remembered I’m on statins now and asked how that’s going. It’s going great so far! Still think it’s not going to be enough, though. I think I’m going to need my dose doubled to 20 milligrams at some point.

Anyway, it’s cold and the planes are annoying as usual. I saw a headline about people flying for the holidays despite the warnings. And guess who’s got to listen to the defiance? Yeah, well, someday. Someday we’ll get away from this shit. It may not be quiet, but it will definitely be quieter when we’re out of a flight path and off a busy street. Damn, though. How I would love to live in Miami with its perfect weather year-round! But it’s too crowded, too expensive, and too diverse. Diversity is fine when I’m out in public, but I would prefer to live with my own kind.

I’m glad to know my furry little friend doesn’t appear to be suffering. Fortunately, they remain active until their final few days. I don’t expect him to live past April. :-(

We went to Rite-Aid yesterday where he grabbed some snacks and I grabbed some wine. Afterward, I went for a half-hour walk. It was chilly but nice. Of course, I ran into four different landscaping games going on along the way, and two planes flew overhead. No annoying mutts, though, and not as much traffic as I expected. I’m probably going to go out walking around the same time this morning.

At least on Thanksgiving, there shouldn’t be any projects or landscaping. Just a bunch of vehicle doors slamming.

It’s continued to be desert-dry here. Temps have been the same for a while now. It gets in the low sixties in the afternoon and the high thirties at night.

Going to be hitting the shower soon. It’s so wonderful to take a shower with decent water pressure and that functions the way it should! There was just a slight drip after his shower yesterday that he fixed easily enough before re-patching the wall where he cut it out. I guess today we’ll wallpaper the closet.

So I won NaNoWriMo but didn’t. Because I opted not to associate this project with a NaNo event so I could lower my word count, it didn’t recognize it as a win once I hit 10K words.

I’ve made amazing progress with this story and find it surprisingly fun to write, too. I’m not only turning reality into bullshit but I’m even twisting the reality. I’ve got a lot more work to do on it and it will probably end up being a much longer story than expected. At least 50K words. Although it is a story in the traditional sense, I’m kind of writing scenes that occur in no particular order, although mostly in order because it’s easier to tell the story that way, if that makes any sense.

I can’t believe the new house that was brought in is still sitting there, still waiting to be set up, still unoccupied. The neighbors must love it though.

I’ve got to watch those codes when I use the image hosting site I’ve been using for PB pics. The fuckers are embedding spam into it so there’s a link to various stores online that shouldn’t be there.

I switched out my email address on PB for a bogus one. I don’t know about LiveJournal but Blogger sends warnings if an unrecognized browser tries to log into my blog there, and I can monitor IP logins on MD. But if anyone out there happened to know my email address, they could hack my PB account without me knowing (unless they changed anything noticeable), but not anymore. Now, if they happen to have password-cracking software, it’s worthless to them unless they can figure out the fake email address.

There are other ways, though, like clicking on spyware, but as far as I know, I have nothing like that running on my PC.

What surprised me was that Aly said that if you know a person’s IP address you can hack in through that. If that’s true, wow! I didn’t know that. So much for thinking knowing an IP address was worthless other than to maybe find out where they are.

I realize she’s smart enough to have slipped me a link that would record all my keystrokes and login info to any account I use if she were that curious but if she has, she’s at least had the decency not to fuck with anything that I know of.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2020 And we have success! The shower pipes have been replaced and the new faucet is beautiful and so much easier to use than the old piece of shit we had. Now it doesn’t take forever to adjust the temperature, it doesn’t take 10 turns of the knob to get the hot water on full blast, and it isn’t hard to turn off.

As soon as we’re sure it’s not leaking, we’ll wallpaper the closet. The wallpaper looks much nicer in person. It’s almost metallic-looking. It’s a silvery-gray. Nothing I would get for a place we were staying in but still nice for a closet. As I said, it will brighten up the dark space nicely so things are easier to see.

Using a combination of templates he printed and tape which I placed on one of my nails and traced it with (there’s always at least one nail strip that’s too big for me), I did my nails this morning and they came out nicely. Solid yellow, solid green, and yellow with green and white stripes. The solid olive green ones are so dull so I’m grateful for glitter. I reinforced the solid colors with Ice Queen and the plaid ones with Northern Lights.

The last nail pack I got had the number of sets it was supposed to have but three of the designs were swapped out for other designs, two of which were duplicates. It’s still a beautiful set, though.

Aly’s being cryptic again. Not so much the other day when she bitched about the fact that while she didn’t want to see people suffer, it was hard for her to care as much when her own suffering was dismissed as I knew right away she was likely talking about Molly. Molly’s just selfish like that and always has her own suffering going on, mostly self-made. She even hashtagged it with CrypticTweet.

Today it was to fuck off with your judgmental self and that just because you have something to say doesn’t mean you should say it, and that she has all kinds of things she could say that she keeps to herself.

Her status update on Skype was “Here we go again” with a frowning emoji.

A fight with Cam? With her mother?

Does she want to be cryptic and does she want people to ask and prompt her about what’s up? I fucking hate that shit! Just say what’s on your mind or don’t!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2020 Woke up tired today and found I had a sleep score of 87. Again, that may be good for most people but anything under 88 and I’m usually tired. I think I’ll take the day off from working out. I was going to go out walking this morning but with temperatures in the forties? No thanks.

Tom has been having trouble sleeping lately and he keeps waking up and he wonders if it’s because he’s been focused too much on his physical health by working out a lot but not working his brain hard enough. So he’s getting back into coding and things like that which requires a lot of thinking.

We picked out a light but neutral-colored peel-and-stick wallpaper for the hall closet. He sawed open part of the wall yesterday in preparation for today’s shower valve replacement. There’s a whole section of pipe that needs to be replaced.

I also grabbed a couple of sets of nail stickers while he was at it and he got himself a keyboard tray so he can shelve his keyboard under his desk when he wants to use the surface for writing or whatever.

One of the nails is by Maitys and comes in a rainbow of solid glitter colors, all of which I like. Even the orange is nice. Except for gold, silver, white and black which is fine, there are no boring earth tones. Mostly pink, purple, green, yellow, red and blue.

Both sets have 16 sets of nails and the second set is by Wokoto, another good brand. This one has mostly shades of yellow, green and purple. That one is arriving today.

The more we checked out self-adhesive wallpaper, the more we liked what we saw and the more I can’t wait to get into wherever we’re going to end up so I can have fun picking out different designs for different rooms. It’s not much cheaper than paint but it sure as hell is a lot more convenient and less messy. Actually, it may be considerably cheaper after you factor in paintbrushes, tape, and the usual supplies you need for painting. I think this would be a great way to do the walls much faster and easier and it would be great not to have to worry about getting paint on things.

The cool thing about this is that you can use it anywhere. You can line shelves with it, you can decorate light plates, furniture…whatever you want. I was thinking that our future house might look great if I picked out two designs per room and had one or two walls with one design and the rest with the other. I would just try to make sure they were designs that went well together, of course. The pink sequined wallpaper is going to be very tempting when the time comes!

We just wish we’d known about this stuff when we first moved in here because it’s ideal for paneling. When we pull the strips off to paint, we have to fill in the gaps, but you wouldn’t need to do that with this stuff. I wouldn’t just like it for the rooms but also for brightening up the dark paneling in the closets which would make the stuff stand out better. I hate dark closets.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2020 Yesterday I indulged in a nice nap for over an hour until the loud paper delivery car woke me up after 4 AM. Yeah, because one shouldn’t be able to nap at 4 in the fucking morning in their own home without noise disturbances. Yes, that was said with a mix of sarcasm, frustration and even anger. One also should have to breathe a huge sigh of relief that they hadn’t yet fallen asleep before a thunderously loud motorcycle zoomed by loud and clear even over a blasting sound machine, right?

Last night I did a 56-minute workout video but no walking. Tonight I did a 23-minute vid and will add some bursts of walking.

Walmart gave us another goodie bag that helps make up for their fuck-ups like how two of his single servings of Pringles potato chips were missing from the pack. I asked if he thought the driver stole them but he thinks they just grabbed one with a couple missing and didn’t notice. I suppose this is possible since I went to grab a case of wine before he noticed that one bottle was missing.

The goodie bag was similar to the last one. A couple of snack bars that were fruity and nutty, another pack of Unstoppables, the same toothpaste sample, and the same two Starbucks K-Cups.

Got some salmon fillets for the first time and OMG, they came out great! I pan-fried them with light olive oil and some frozen mushroom slices. I sprayed everything with butter spray, too.

I only remember one dream from last night. I was standing outside in the evening talking to a couple with three kids who were on their way to a restaurant. I don’t know if I knew Tom or not, but they were neighbors that were going to be moving soon and I was kind of disappointed because they have been good neighbors. The couple was very easygoing.

The woman was saying something about throwing something up into the sky that would glow like a miniature moon.

Then they invited me to accompany them to the restaurant they were going to. I glanced at the kids as they were being loaded into the back of their van and hoped they wouldn’t be too loud and annoying as I agreed to join them.

At the restaurant, the husband excused himself to use the bathroom or something and the woman asked me what I did. I said I did a number of different things online and then she showed me a small notebook with all different kinds of handwriting that one of her kids did.

Then I glanced at the kids across the table and at the other end of it and realized they hadn’t said a single word the entire time. There was one girl and two boys that ranged from around age 8 to 12. The girl looked at me and I thought she had beautiful big brown eyes. They were made up nicely and looked very adult-like which I thought was a bit strange since she was so young.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2020 Over 2K deaths yesterday. So much for thinking hitting 2K was a thing of the past.

Aly tweets that she’s under so much stress that she’s considering making things easier for herself though probably not for others by leaving Skype and Twitter and making Fitbit her only form of social media but would still do email and text because that just “feels right.”

Is this where I get dumped or at least slowly phased out of her life?

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2020 My weight’s gone up a pound. Not sure I can get it back down. sighs I guess it’s just my time to make a jump and that no, I won’t stay in the 150s all my life. Not quite in the 160s yet but close.

1964 people died yesterday from the virus?! Damn! Haven’t seen it that high since last spring.

Not at all impressed with Twitter’s new “fleets” which are similar to Facebook’s stories. I would really prefer access to the voice tweet feature instead. That’s supposedly coming to Android next year, but I don’t believe anything until I see it.

Every month I would copy tweets to PB and Blogger but I’m going to stop doing that. That was basically for a quick reference and the main highlights of my life but if I want to look something up, it would actually be easier to look it up in my journal.

Yesterday I felt a touch of anxiety and I started to go through the usual routine of telling myself that if I took my meds and felt anxious tomorrow I would skip the next day but then I said, NO! I’m going to jump on it before I can get to that point and skip today. There’s no hoping it will magically get better on its own. The only way to bring it down is to lower the level in my bloodstream.

I’m feeling great so far today and did a half-hour video. This one really worked my arms! Still going to do some walking and work on my core, too. I do my abs on the Bowflex bench and backflies on the end of the couch that doesn’t have a back to it. Then I walk in 5-minute segments here and there.

I hear somebody whining for me now out in the living room. Hey, if I can’t have quiet neighbors/neighborhoods, why should I have quiet pets? LOL, but I do actually like the sound of guinea pigs. I’ll take a break for a minute so we can all share the last banana.

Okay, that’s two happy pigs and one happy rat. It’s good that I don’t eat a whole banana because then it can mess up my stomach.

Did my nails earlier not so much because they needed to be done but because I just wanted to do them. This time it’s black to navy with shades of blue in the shapes of overlapping triangles for accent nails.

I had a bunch of dreams last night. We were in a hotel in one of them and I’m wondering if it might have been Florida because we had a door or window cracked despite the humidity. It didn’t seem to bother me, though, and I commented to him that it was simply what I’d grown up with.

Then I was inspecting my teeth in a mirror and was worried they would be all yellow and that I misunderstood this thing that I bought where instead of whitening teeth it was supposed to change them to a different color. There had been other color options, but I grabbed the yellow one thinking it was for whitening.

There was also something wrong with one of my teeth and I resolved to address it with my ENT who I was referring to as Dr. Mitchell for some reason.

Then we were in the kitchen of this house where Tom was cooking up enough rice and beans to feed an army even though he doesn’t eat rice. Then he seemed to have some pain although I’m not sure where since he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just started poking various parts of his body as if trying to figure out what was wrong.

The last dream was the strangest. I was living with my very much alive parents and definitely pregnant although I didn’t have a partner. Not sure why I didn’t get an abortion since I didn’t want a child. For a second, I considered having it so I might have someone to look out for me when I got old but then decided it would best be given up for adoption. I decided I would inform my parents of my decision. I walked through the house and found them sitting outside on the patio. I told them I wanted to talk to them and that it was kind of “heavy duty.”

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2020 Did a 15-minute video and I’ll do it again later. Going to try to mix in walking as well even if it isn’t much. Fitbit recognized it as 15 active minutes and an aerobic workout. Well, that’s pretty much what it is, bopping around and throwing your arms and legs in various directions.

The next time Rockefeller calls me which I’m guessing we’ll be any minute now, I’ll share a banana with him, Blitz, and the rat.

In my last entry, I said this is the longest it’s been since I heard the saw across the street, but well, Tom told me I slept through quite a project the day before yesterday. It wasn’t him but someone he hired. It was a big job too, that must have cost around 2K which is precisely why I don’t want to live with people with money anymore. They widened the posts on his carport and redid the trim around the house. I wonder what’s next and when, although it was pretty quiet yesterday because of the rain.

Got our first real rain in six or seven months. Tom said it never rained hard, but it rained steadily all day and he was able to give the car a bath. Anyway, I’m glad this project was done while I slept and that it didn’t wake me up. Had I known it was to be done, it would have made falling asleep hard. I wouldn’t know it was done without him telling me about it although being observant as I am, I did notice the carport posts when I casually glanced out the window.

I can’t wait to get out of here and hopefully - hopefully - into a place where I don’t hear nearly as much traffic, planes, landscaping and projects. The commercial planes are still better at night but can be annoying in the morning. Other types of flying shit vary.

To be realistic, though, I don’t think we’ll get out of here in April or May. Not if we put the house up in March. It’s possible but unlikely. I say we’re looking at getting out somewhere between June and August but then that is what we wanted. We want to arrive in Florida when it’s at the worst it could possibly be for those with asthma and allergies so I can get a sense early on as to whether or not I’m going to be able to handle that climate. If we leave in July then we’ll have been in this state for 14 years since we arrived on July 25th, 2007.

I like how my journals and stories will be backed up online this time around. When we left Arizona and when we left Oregon, we only had them on our hard drives. So had we been in an accident that demolished our computers, they would have been history.

Sometime soon, using his 3D printer, we’re going to trace my nails with tracing paper and then print out templates so that I’ll always have something I can trace nail stickers with. Even the ones that fit best have a few that are a little too wide and that could stand to be trimmed a little bit.

Got a goodie bag from Walmart yesterday included in our order with some toothpaste, Unstoppables which make laundry smell really good, snack/energy bars, and a couple of Starbucks K-Cups. I had the mocha peppermint when I got up and tomorrow, I’ll have the cinnamon dolce.

I don’t want to get canned veggies because they’re high in sodium and not as good, but I am going to get a variety of frozen veggies so I don’t have to make sure I finish the fresh produce before it expires. Still have to get fresh romaine lettuce, carrots and tomatoes for the pigs, but believe me, they go through it long before it can expire. We order every few days and they go through about one romaine heart a day. Every now and then they give me shitty produce but not too often. The rat eats some of the veggies too, but mostly has what I’m having on top of his own food since rats can eat anything.

Still not understanding why some people add people on Facebook just to ignore them. This isn’t a random stranger either. Yes, I’m talking about Minnie. Okay, so we never met face-to-face, but we have exchanged phone calls and letters even if it’s been 20 years or so. about a week after I replied to her initial message, I asked if she got my message and she said yes, she’s just been busy working.

Her uncle died a few days ago. While she took the time to post a couple of memes today, she still hasn’t taken any time to message me, comment or react to any of my posts, even if I’m not very active there. Other forms of social media, I don’t care, but I don’t like people just sitting on my Facebook friend list for decoration. If I don’t hear from her by the end of the year, I’m kicking her out.

I shared an entry link from where I can code it, and not at all surprisingly, she didn’t show up on my visitor list. So unless she’s a hider, she’s probably not even paying attention to anything I post.

I’ve gone back and forth in my mind between which would be worse, him going first and having to kill myself so we could go together, or me dying first and leaving him alone. I guess I would rather be the one to die first since I know that sad or not, he could carry on by himself. I still would hate to see him have to die alone in the end even though he’s even less of a people person than I am.

But the thing is, could I let myself die if I suddenly had something terminal so I could be the one to go first? Or would that be easier said than done if it caused me so much pain and suffering until it killed me?

When I read back on the way I would flirt with Maliheh, I cringe with embarrassment and even a little shame. Why would I waste time on someone like her? Someone that never gave a shit about me. Not just her but why did I bother with people like Nane, etc.? Many believe flirting is fun and harmless as long as it’s just that but if I could start all over again, I never would have bothered. I swear Maliheh could come crawling on her hands and knees begging me to forgive her and I wouldn’t want a damn thing to do with her, let alone to flirt with her. The only regret I have is that she’ll never know just how much I want nothing to do with her. Really, she has no idea! I’m sure she assumes just the opposite if she were to contact me and that I would be thrilled but the truth is she would be rejected in a heartbeat. Don’t know if I would simply ignore her if I would bother to give her an explanation as to why I wanted nothing to do with her, but having nothing to do with her would be exactly what I would do.

But once again and as I’ve learned with getting older, it was all in those hormones. Those damn hormones. So much is connected to them until they die off.

This makes me wonder about Tom. He’s only human so how the hell did he manage to hide anyone he may have flirted with or had a crush on in his younger days? Certainly, there had to be someone. Or maybe not. Maybe he really does have a hormonal deficiency or imbalance that’s tied to his low appetite and he was simply incapable of those feelings and desires. Plus, being the shy and quiet type, he wouldn’t be so quick to flirt with anyone in person or online.

We all make mistakes in life but the two I could kick myself for the most were going to court and taking Tammy back into my life…again, after all she’s done to me in the past. Why did I have to see her true colors so many times before I finally smartened up? I was such a fucking idiot where she was concerned, though I suppose beating myself up over it is pointless.

She’s just the opposite. If I apologized for nothing I owe her an apology for, she would reconnect with me. She’ll only hear from me one more time and that’s when I feel the time is right to share one last piece of my mind with her and her brats. This will likely be in response to when she reaches out to me and I don’t doubt for a minute that that day will come. Probably to tell me she’s dying or something dramatic like that. She and her brats really were the ultimate drama queens. There was always, always drama going on with them. Like someone recently wrote in their own journal, eventually, you realize that someone who has one crisis after another doesn’t simply have a string of “bad luck” but an actual love of drama. Tammy craves it, thirsts for it, wants it, needs it…but she’ll never have her sister back again. That’s for damn sure.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2020 “I WON THE ELECTION!” Trump still shouts on Twitter. Twitter, which although adds the truth to these bullshit tweets, continues to ply the bastard with a platform to make these false claims.

These delusional cries of victory have me unsure as to whether or not I should laugh at the craziness of it or cringe at how evident it is that the president, someone who’s supposed to be a hell of a lot more with it than this prick is, could possibly be this out of his fucking mind.

You didn’t win, you subhuman piece of shit, just like you and your equally fucked up wife probably never had the virus. That was just another publicity stunt, no doubt, that did you no good in the end.

As for the virus itself, things always take longer than expected. Always. So I’m really worried that no matter how we go out of here, we’re not going to go out when we plan to. I just wonder how many months were going to be delayed. This is just fucking ridiculous too. I’m not going to be “teased” with moving year after year. Eventually, I’m going to give up and just accept that this was where I was meant to be, like it or not, and start doing what we can to soundproof the place. I don’t want it to come down to that, of course, but I don’t want to waste time struggling for what isn’t meant to be either. Instead of waiting for something that isn’t going to happen, I could be spending that time more productively. I swear it’s like the story of my life is waiting to get out of places I’ve been stuck in and that I don’t want to be in! Right now I still think we will indeed get out of here next year. I just don’t know if it will be the April or May we planned.

Had a dream we were living in the country and I was doing something outside for hours, though I don’t know what. Two or three loud dogs were barking their asses off on the property next to us but I refused to drown them out with headphones or whatever because I wanted to try to finally make myself get used to it. No chance with that in real life otherwise I would have gotten used to that shit a long time ago!

These days, which I’m guessing is due to the virus, the biggest annoyance is the morning commercial planes. Runner-up to that would be the freeway and helicopters throughout the night but that comes and goes depending on the direction of the wind.

This is the longest the guy across the street has gone (that I know of) without sawing. Something must have happened to him if he didn’t get complained of because I can’t believe he would just stop. That’s not something guys like that get sick of any more than people like me get sick of writing.

Still loving my new massager. It’s not just great for lying on my stomach and placing on my back but also for lying on my side and wedging it between my back and the body pillow. My back is narrower than most people’s, so it doesn’t have a wide massage span when I’m lying on my stomach and letting it do my back. When I place it on the small of my back, it kind of reminds me of someone kneading the area with their thumbs. When I turn it the long way when lying on my side, then it has a wider reach.

Decided to start doing the exercise videos that Tom’s gotten addicted to doing. Team Body Project. They’re good for seniors because a lot of the videos are low-impact. My weight will never be in the 120s again and my waist will never be under the 30s but I like the way he’s now able to do them even when he’s tired and just the way he says they make him feel in general. He didn’t expect it to take this long, saying he always heard 6 weeks was when to expect any real change, but he feels it’s helping his metabolism overall the longer he does them.

I was doing better but now the random bouts of fatigue are setting in again. I’ve been tired for the last couple of days even though I have made myself do some walking up and down the house and started with a 10-minute video today. Maybe I’ll do another one later.

Not gonna diet per se. I’m going to focus more on ingredients than calories. There’s no getting around the fact that I need more than 1000 calories. That’s not going to change. I’ll aim for 1200 but will probably end up closer to 1500.

Every now and then I like variety and I’ve been getting a little too carby lately. Fortunately, I don’t like to have bread, rice and pasta often anyway. So definitely going to back off of that as well as things like potatoes and sugar. I’ll allow myself one sugary treat a week.

I didn’t get a great sleep score today and yesterday. I’ve learned that what may be good sleep scores for some isn’t good for everyone. I feel better when I get sleep scores of 89 or 90. But when I get 86 or 87, I tend to be tired.

I woke up unable to breathe at one point. My nose was stuffy and I considered putting a breathing strip across my nose before bed but didn’t. My mouth was closed and I was sleeping on my stomach when I woke up unable to get enough air in because my nose was stuffy. Like I said, anything to wake me up. It only lasted a few seconds, though, and then I was out again.

Really like these Bolthouse smoothies I discovered. They make fruit and vegetable smoothies, and I was thinking that these might be a great way to replace perishable fruits and veggies. I’m always in a race against time trying to hurry up and finish this and that before it expires but this way I wouldn’t have to play that game. It would cost a little more but be worth it. It’s not processed in any way. They just blend the stuff. They don’t add anything to it so it’s no different than me getting the Ingredients in making a smoothie myself. I don’t usually count calories but I like how everything is measured for me and I know exactly how much I’m getting of what. They recommend 1 to 1 1/2 cups a day of fruit and 2 to 2 1/2 cups a day of veggies.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2020 The new massager arrived and it’s wonderful. Definitely can’t say it’s as good as human hands but it’s still pretty damn good. Love how I can just lie on my stomach, position it on my back, and it kneads away. I just have to adjust the position every now and then. It changes directions every few minutes. Work well whether I have a shirt on or it’s sitting on my bare back.

Got a crazy story idea in mind that I’ve already mentioned and that I’ve been on a surprising roll with it, even returning to NaNo. I’ve got almost 5K words and my word count goal is set to 10K since I chose not to check the box associating it with a NaNo event. It’s more like I’m writing a bunch of scenes than an actual story. It’s a story but it’s told in bits and pieces. It doesn’t quite flow in the way a typical story does. I’m kind of jumping around in the life of this badass female outlaw and all the revenge she seeks on those she believes have crossed her.

Earlier in the evening, we went on a very chilly walk. I had a long-sleeved sweatshirt on underneath my hoodie and it was still kind of chilly. Because of the hip problems I’ve been having, I didn’t run and was only out for 10 minutes. I’ve made a point of getting steps inside the house by walking up and down it or hopping on my skier.

There really is no end to what will wake me up. Fortunately, I had just dropped off to sleep so it was no big deal. I ended up sleeping just fine afterward. I was falling asleep when I was aware of Alexa talking. Probably to say something like, “Sorry, I’m having trouble playing this right now. Please try again later.”

The Wi-Fi in the bedroom is spotty so she stopped playing the brown noise I had her playing. We’ll definitely have a more reliable setup in the next place. I still had the air cleaner and the white noise running, though.

I didn’t think I had any dreams but after I’d been up a while I remembered a quick dream involving visiting Dixie. She was sitting by the back window in her master bedroom that had a window AC in it. I knew she often dozed in the chair and realized she wouldn’t hear it if anyone were trying to enter the house.

Suddenly, a friend of hers was there and Dixie began to get irritated with me for pointing out the risk of catching the virus which she didn’t see as that big of a deal.

Her moodiness is exactly why I haven’t contacted her. I’ve gotten a few jokes from her, one of which she forwarded to me but I haven’t heard anything else from her and I’m kind of hoping not to.

Later…

My rosewater and jasmine perfumed powder came today and it’s so strong smelling that Tom thought it broke open in the package before he opened it. It’s nice but I only smell the rose and not the jasmine.

When I was almost fully asleep, the dream people showed me how we were going to be going out of here. Or so I can hope and wish anyway. It left me with that feeling that definitely has me wondering if what I had was just a dream or something more. It was weird. It was like I wasn’t even completely asleep yet although close enough to it. I felt myself flying and then slowly turning when I realized I was on a plane that was taking off and turning in the direction of our destination. I then clearly heard the steady drone of the jet engines. It appeared to be the first-class part of the plane and we were on the same side of the plane as last time. So the window was to my left and he was to my right. I turned to him with a big grin on my face and my eyes wet with tears which seemed a little too happy for going on vacation.

Then there was something about a white house. There was some black as well. I don’t know if it was the trim or something else. I just wonder if it could be a sign even though it seems unlikely. It’s just that the feeling was so real! I know dreams can often feel very real but this was a little different in a way that’s hard to explain. I could really feel the sensations I was feeling in the dream and hear the sounds I heard.

I jumped up out of bed and asked him what he thought and he said he didn’t know either as to whether or not it could mean anything although it’s encouraging. When I really analyze it, I don’t see how it will be much safer to fly in half a year than it is now or that we would get that much for this place to afford to go out of here first class as much as I’d love to. I would love to meet my buddy as rough as a drive across the country would be but given the choice and money, we would rather fly there. It would just be so much easier for us both.

Another thing I realized is that if we had our stuff shipped, they’re insured. So if they got in an accident and our shit was demolished, we would get paid for it. If we drove across and had an accident, no one would give us shit.

Only time will tell if it was a sign or not but right now, if I had to guess, we’re driving across. That’s the one that makes the most sense logically. Hard on us or not, driving wouldn’t be all bad if that’s the way we had to go. It’s going to depend on where the virus stands and where we stand financially.

I’ve been feeling good emotionally and I’m trying not to let the what-ifs and bad thoughts take that away from me. Yet I’m doing it again. I’m sitting here wondering how many more years I might have lived after Tom died but knowing I’ll never find out for two basic reasons. One is that I would be so lonely and depressed without him and the other is that honestly, I don’t see how I could take care of myself on my own. Life isn’t as simple as it was in the 80s and 90s when I had apartments. It’s gotten so complex not to mention that I don’t expect to ever live in the city on a bus line. You can’t live in these types of parks or out in the country and not have a car.

Then there would be the everyday issues like getting food, paying bills, fixing things that break, and that would be too much for me, especially getting older. It’s sad to know that the only place I could go where I wouldn’t be alone or have to worry about basic survival would be to prison and that’s certainly no place I would ever go. I would never want to go back to having to fight for my medication, plus I’m a lot needier than I was at 35. Like they would give me oil to help shed dead skin from my fake ear canal? Like they would take care of my dental needs and other things? This is all on top of how exhausted and uncomfortable incarceration leaves you in general. The only thing that would be different would be that I could afford to beat the shit out of an inmate that threatened or even just annoyed the holy hell out of me if I was physically able to and not worry about write-ups and visitation restrictions when there would be nobody to visit anyway.

Seriously, I just hope that unless I’m the one to go first, I have the strength to kill myself and do it right. The last thing I would want would be to commit a crime bad enough to finish my time off in prison or to have to act crazy enough to finish it off in a funny farm somewhere. I go when he goes.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2020 And yet another business caves to the pressure and replaces its Indian head logo with a tiger head. How long are we going to be doormats to people who just can’t be pleased and re-write a history that can’t be rewritten? When will we put our foot down and say enough is enough already?!

I miraculously managed to sleep through the trash truck, but fucking Amazon woke me up by crashing into the speed bump outside the bedroom when I could have used another hour or so of sleep. What is it with people slamming into speed bumps? They’re there for a reason and it’s not to be crashed into.

I still have to see it to believe it, but I can’t fucking wait to live somewhere where traffic waking me up isn’t an issue!

Last night the freeway, small planes and helicopters were annoying but tonight is quiet. I’m guessing the weather has to do with it. It drizzled on and off all day but never rained hard enough to clean off the car. He was going to pull it out onto the street and let Mother Nature give it a bath but it’s like California is doing everything it can to resist raining. It’s going to try again on Tuesday, though, so we’ll see how much we get then.

Fitbit emailed me thanking me for my participation in their heart study which shows I don’t have an irregular heartbeat, an indicator of A-fib. This was a relief to know since I know I’ve had a handful of experiences where I felt my heart flutter for a few seconds. It’s pretty scary too.

The virus cases are climbing like crazy. Damn, do I hope we get a successful vaccine approved and available soon! Cali went from 19K critical cases to 32K critical cases in one day. It’s no problem for us to stay home since we’re homebodies anyway but still…who wants that risk and to always have to wear a mask in public?

They closed the pool and the clubhouse. It would be even better if they stopped having parades.

We ordered a few things on Amazon. Needed a new smoke detector so we got one that also has a carbon monoxide detector in it. It’s just a basic no-frills detector since we’re leaving in about half a year. I sure as hell hope so anyway! I still worry something’s going to come up at the last minute to delay the move.

I also got a bead-stopper spring that you insert the ends of strings you’re beading into to keep them from falling off.

Got myself some jasmine and rose-scented powder that has a puff in it so I can dab it on myself easily. It’s good for absorbing sweat that can occur in warmer temps or after a workout under the boobs or in the groin.

The last thing we got which I’m looking forward to the most is a back massager I’ve never had before that you don’t have to hold. Anything you have to hold and work yourself kind of defeats the purpose because then you have to strain to reach behind you. I wanted something that does the job for you and this pillow with rotating balls that you can lean against seems the most promising. Some people have reported getting burned so I won’t use the heat, something I’m not interested in any way. I just want something I can use for these fucking backaches I still get on and off.

I’ve been doing a bit more writing, believe it or not. Just some crazy shit that most people wouldn’t find interesting about a female serial killer with superhuman strength that gets revenge on anyone that crosses her.

I just finished a book by N.L. Hinkens and the story took place on a cruise ship. I’ve considered using that as a setting for one of my stories. At first I was going to have a lead character that was a dancer or a singer that gets a little more attention than she wants from one of the security guards but then I decided I would have her do nails in the ship’s salon. Why not when you’re obsessed with doing your own nails? LOL, I’ve got purple and blue Maity strips on now.

I just started Anything for You by Marissa Finch.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2020 Forgot to mention the other day that we got a bill for spraying my pre-cancerous spot which was $41. Tom was surprised it wasn’t over $100.

Made sauteed spinach for the first time and it came out great. I just fry baby spinach leaves in a pan with butter spray. Maybe next time I’ll add a hint of garlic salt.

We were discussing the pros and cons of rural versus a park and they definitely both have their fair share of ups and downs. We agree it would be smart to start off in a park since it would be easier to sell if Florida didn’t work out for some reason and then I would have a park to compare this one to, even though they’re probably all pretty similar. He thinks there would be less likely to be motorcycles and power tools in lower-income parks, though, which does make sense. I think part of the reason there are so many projects here is that the people can afford to do them. And own motorcycles.

However, if we do spot a rural place that is too good to pass up, we’re going to try to get it. He found a great house with a screened-in pool but I don’t see how we’re going to be able to afford a 130K place on just his retirement alone. We could afford it once we got settled in but I don’t think anyone would accept us to begin with without additional income. I just don’t see us making any money with books or apps. Too much like winning the lottery. It’s frustrating because had the bastard above not seen fit to curse me with this kind of sleep disorder, maybe I could have worked too and doubled our retirement.

I just want people to stop waking me up like they did today! Tom was in his room which the trap door to the meter is right outside of and he assured me it wasn’t the meter reader because he can always feel the vibration of that. I both heard and felt a bang. He thinks it was likely someone going over the speed bump. Yeah, either that or next door slammed a car door too hard. Friday it will be garbage trucks waking me up.

Tom said there was a parade after I got up, and believe it or not I didn’t hear anything. I was probably near the air cleaner when they went honking by. I don’t get it, though. There used to be one parade a year here, then COVID comes along and now we’re having parades every other month?

I’m just worried that once again I’m chasing an impossible dream and that there’s no escaping this shit. I’m sure we could get further from the street but planes are becoming more and more of a problem everywhere and with Florida being such a popular vacation spot, there would be just as many there, maybe even more in some places.

We’re still going to get the sleep pod whether or not we end up soundproofing the rest of the place. If I could just get a little further from a flight path and into a park where there are no dogs or motorcycles, then the only annoyance would be from whatever carport runs alongside our place, along with whatever projects the park does.

I just want to be so excited that we can’t get there fast enough! However, I’m sure it will be with some trepidation instead. Some question as to whether or not next door will wake me up or if something else nearby might be a problem. But then if I absolutely loved it, I’d just worry we’d lose it.

At least they don’t read water meters there since they don’t charge you for it because Florida isn’t in a drought like we are.

Here’s another weird thing about Aly, who received and really likes the jewelry I made for her and says she has something she’s sending me in time for my birthday (aw, how sweet of her even though she doesn’t have to). Well, it’s almost like she’s afraid to reply to my emails. I told her that rather than waiting and copying and pasting any errors she finds in a Skype message to me, especially since the longer she waits, the less likely she is to remember them, simply reply to the email and that way I know exactly which entry it is. Then she told me it never would have occurred to her to reply directly to the email and that kind of surprised me. It would only seem natural that this would be the easiest thing to do while it was fresh on your mind, wouldn’t it? She just seems way too smart not to have thought of that one but I don’t know. Maybe there’s some other reason she doesn’t want to email me although I can’t imagine what it could possibly be.

It was nice and quiet last night but tonight I can hear the freeway which means I’m going to hear some planes tonight as well.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2020 It’s so damn dry here that my brush crackles with static when I run it through my hair.

Anyway, I don’t know why, but after going for a walk with Tom and mixing in some jogging which didn’t help my hip pain at all, I came back and found myself getting very sleepy. It was almost as if the sun was oozing sedatives. I ended up lying down for 90 minutes and slept for 60 of it, according to Fitbit.

At least Fitbit is now counting my active minutes again. I’d say 35 active minutes is enough for today even though I don’t expect to get 10K steps, thanks to the pain I’m in right now. It got bad enough for Ibuprofen. Still no idea what it is but it’s either a muscle, tendon, or ligament since I don’t see what else it could be.

It was a great day for a walk. It would have been too warm if it was slightly warmer and too chilly had it been breezy.

Tom got his flu shot today and fortunately, he hasn’t had any more dizzy spells. He’s eating smaller quantities more often and that seems to help. He may be pre-diabetic.

The PlusWhite tooth-whitening stuff really works! I’m amazed. No more strips for me. I love it! I just dab it on, wait 5 minutes, and there’s a noticeable difference. I haven’t used whitening strips in a while and noticed my teeth were getting discolored again, so I thought it was a good time to try it but wasn’t sure I would like it. Well, I’m definitely sold!

I looked up Jamberry Nails and I guess they’re not all nail strips that you simply stick on. Some of them require heat and a lot more time and work, but that’s okay. I can use my portable heater or a blow dryer.

In watching a tutorial comparing Jamberry to Color Street, I realize I’m being rather wasteful with some of my nail strips. I could cut some of them in half and get two uses out of them, especially since I don’t let my nails grow really long since that makes them such a pain in the ass. The ones with the wider ends wouldn’t be good for splitting but those that are the same width on both ends would be.

I was going to ditch the Twitter account I’m not connected with any friends on but then decided to just let it sit there and turn it into a voice account once Android gets the voice tweet feature Twitter says will be available next year. I’ll probably do a mix of text and voice on my other account but the idea is to have a place where I can tweet the highlights of my life with my voice so that if anything were to ever happen where I couldn’t write so easily, I can just talk. There’s a lot more to writing than just writing. There’s editing too. Well, there’s no editing with my voice, of course.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2020 Christiane surprised me with a message. She shared a video shot in her hometown of Leipzig showing people’s response to Biden being elected. It isn’t just the US that’s relieved to be done with Trump. She didn’t say why but she hates Angela Merkel, saying she’s like a cancer.

We exchanged a few pictures of each other. She looks great for 65! Even so, in my personal opinion, I think that’s a bit old for bikinis. Even if you stay thin, you start sagging and rolling, but to each their own. I’d rather keep my shit packed into a one-piece, but I do have some two-pieces.

I mentioned turning 55 on the 4th and would be willing to bet just about anything that I won’t be hearing from her then with any birthday wishes. I’ll still send her some pictures of Florida when we get settled.

Fitbit’s been fucked up in that it’s not logging Active minutes. It’s tracking Zone minutes and thinks I climb floors at times, but I don’t see any active minutes these last few days. Oh well. Steps are what’s most important to me.

Fitbit says I burned 1812 calories yesterday, but I don’t think that’s right. In my case, I’d say it’s closer to 1500. You usually need a 500-calorie deficit to lose weight and 1500 would make sense knowing that I usually have to go down to 1000 to lose. I look healthy, I feel good, so I’m still okay with staying right where I’m at.

Fitbit also tells Tom he should have lost more by now but at least he is losing. I’m glad too, as he’s at a potentially dangerous weight. Mine’s nowhere close to dangerous or out of hand in any way. But we can’t enjoy retirement if one of us is dead, so it’s great to see him really get into those videos for seniors that he’s been doing and finds fun.

Maybe I can convince myself to follow along, LOL. I should. Especially around the time we move so I can have more energy, strength, and endurance. For now, I’m mostly a cardio girl who walks, jogs, and uses the Bowflex a few times a week. Not Bowflexing as much, though because my legs get enough of a workout when I’m walking, and I can work my arms with my Pilates ring while watching movies. It’s more important that I focus on my core, so I do backflies and work my abs to keep the backaches away or at least lessen them. I slip my feet under one of the bars and I’m able to alternate between crunches and sit-ups.

Another possibility we’ve been discussing is buying raw land, getting a cheap tiny little dumpy trailer and staying in that until we either buy something new or renovate anything that may be there that wasn’t livable to begin with.

I still have mixed emotions about land versus a park. Yes, I want to escape the annoyances of civilization and escape to the country. I want some breathing room around me and I don’t want to have to go to bed in the daytime worrying about what loud vehicle may wake me up. At the same time, I don’t want to feel too isolated and too cut off from the real world either. Especially with us getting older. As we get older and need to see doctors more often, we don’t want to have to be on the road forever to get to one even if we’ll have the time since he won’t be working and all that. If we went rural, though, we could still return to civilization when we really started getting up in age.

A park would be a little safer and definitely nicer looking despite the annoyances. The only kind of land we can afford is in central Florida and there aren’t as many palm trees which I love.

Another advantage of central Florida is that we would be safer from storms. Storms may be cool, but we don’t want to be evacuated all the time either.

All I can say is that if I have to put up with daytime noise wherever we end up, I just want to take back the nights! I don’t want to be listening to fucking planes and helicopters at midnight and I don’t want to have to go to bed wondering if someone’s going to wake me up. Those are the biggest things right there. I need to be able to sleep.

I’m a little tired today but that’s no one’s fault but my own bladder. I woke up having to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep. Could have used another hour or so but I’m not debilitatingly tired either.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2020 I’m a little worried about Tom but hopefully, it’s no big deal. He was out working at 11:30 when his vision started to darken and he started feeling dizzy, so he came in and found that his blood sugar had dropped to 71. He is borderline just like I am because we’re older, but it was still kind of weird for him. First I thought it was because he hadn’t eaten since 7, but then when he thought about it he said he thought it was closer to 8 when he last ate. Hopefully, his stomach was just a little too empty for moving the rocks he’s still moving.

The trapdoor isn’t quite done (of course) even though tomorrow’s when the meter reader comes, but they shouldn’t be able to slam the shit out of it. He removed the screen so they can’t fumble around with that, and while the door doesn’t yet have weatherstripping to cushion it, it is on a hinge so it can’t be lifted as much. Whether or not they wake me up tomorrow depends on how late I sleep and how early they come. Perhaps if they come when he’s out there, he’ll ask them to take it easy.

Anyway, Tom still feels a little weak and even some achiness in his neck but he’s going to relax for the rest of the day. We’re almost never around other people these days due to the virus and when we are, we have our masks on and keep our distance, so I don’t think he caught anything like a cold or flu. These aren’t symptoms of the virus, so that’s good.

I just wonder how effective the vaccine will be once it’s available to us and if it’s something we’re going to have to get every year. If that’s the case, then would it mean we’re going to have to spend the rest of our lives trying to dodge this damn thing? I really hope there will come a day when we can go out in public without masks and having to remember to keep our distance from others but that’s hardly an inconvenience compared to getting sick after what I’ve heard some people go through.

Staying away from OD has been easier said than done. I really like that I have more anonymity there (as far as I know) and signing up with bogus emails with different names each month. I also really like how I can set the posts to expire. So I just post whenever I can access the site. I can’t believe they have a premium subscription for a site that’s hit-or-miss and that runs slower than molasses.

It hit me last night that my old dentist didn’t block me, she deactivated. You can still see people’s profile pics after you’ve sent a message to someone that you either block or that blocks you. But there’s nothing in her case. Still doesn’t explain why I couldn’t pull up Aly’s account to block, though.

Doing better at making a point of getting 10K steps a day. Sometimes I go a little over or a little under. Went for a 15-minute walk earlier and it was definitely chilly. The air was cool, but the sun was warm. It was breezy, so I tried to stay out of the shady side of the street and in the sun.

There’s a freeze warning in effect for tonight and it’s not even December. 60s is pretty average for November highs yet it’s only going to be 55 degrees tomorrow. Better for sleeping and working out but not for much else but to maybe back the motorcycles off. Haven’t heard any today. The skies are a lot more annoying than the ground.

Had a strange dream about having to spend two weeks alone in a car while he flew off to Massachusetts on account of something urgent. It was a gas car and was supposed to be able to run for at least 2 weeks or more before running out of gas. I hoped that Tom would return before it got the chance to run out and stop keeping me warm.

I sat in the car in a Walmart parking lot. It was pitch dark. I pushed the passenger door open for a minute and then closed it and blindly fumbled for the lock on the driver’s side so I could lock all the doors. First I accidentally hit the wrong button and heard a slight beep. I hit it again thinking it would undo whatever I accidentally made happen by hitting it in the first place.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2020 Congrats to Joe and Kamala!!! I’m not easily moved one way or the other but seeing the crowds of people shouting for joy at their victory makes my eyes sting with tears. Even if they should still be doing it from home because of the virus. :-) Still, I could hug the hell outa both Joe and Kamala right now!

It started becoming obvious that my prediction about Trump losing would be right a couple of days ago but having it officially declared is great! :-) I was a little worried the first night and shocked as well when it looked like Trump may win not just due to how many people hate Trump but because when I get a feeling that strong for that long, I’m always right. One day several months ago I awoke with the distinct feeling that Trump would not be re-elected. I just didn’t know who would be because no one knew who the candidates would be at the time.

LMAO at all the Republicans and their little meltdowns. Aw, such a shame that you don’t get to tell a woman what to do with her own life and body as easily and to keep her from “murdering” a cluster of cells with zero awareness. And isn’t it a shame that you don’t get to trample the rights of gays and lesbians?

Although…as Tom pointed out, not all Republicans are anti-abortion or anything like that. Just like not all liberals like me are okay with forking over billions of dollars to other countries.

It’s a double victory to me because of Kamala. I knew her not being white would help as I still firmly believe without a doubt from everything I’ve experienced, seen, read and heard that the majority of the country does indeed support non-whites. I still think Biden would have won even if she was as white as I am but being black/Asian certainly helped to raise those chances. It’s yet another example along with Obama and countless other successful non-whites that the old saying “no one will give me a chance” it’s a piss-poor excuse. Okay, maybe in a place like Wyoming but in most places, I think they have just as much of a chance, if not more, than the rest of us.

Having Dems in and Republicans out regardless of gender and color is what’s most important. Trump was the closest the US has ever come to having a crazy dictator and it actually got a little scary at times. Nothing he’s done or could do in the future is likely to ever affect my husband and I personally, but he was bad for the country as a whole. Acceptance of gays, lesbians and Jews really took a hit, thanks to his shit. The basic message he sent was that gays and lesbians aren’t human, Jews are shit, and women are basically scum as well who aren’t as capable and as deserving as men.

Well, guess what, Mr. Trump? I’m just as sexist as you and having Kamala for VP and hopefully one day for president, if not some other woman, is a real gem to me. :-) I’m smart enough to know women are just as capable as men along with the fact that the crime in the world would go way down if it weren’t for men.

Not too thrilled to hear Trump say he’s going to try to make a comeback in four years, though Tom doesn’t think he’ll succeed. I hope not! I wish he would just drop dead already. I guess Mitt Romney is going to try to get in which would suck. Where most people hate us Jews, I’m not exactly fond of Mormons. Too extreme, and the child collecting they do is wrong not to mention bad for an already overpopulated planet.

Speaking of the headaches men bring, it looks like the cock across the street is gearing up for a saw party. I’m guessing this due to the way he backed in rear-end first and then pulled up toward the street. I figured it was only a matter of time. I’m just surprised it took this long. I think there’s a chance Tom sawing might have encouraged him as well. Only difference is Tom uses his saw once a year or less. Not once a month or more.

When I was outside chatting with him as he was staking down the liner where he’s going to place more rocks on the back corner, it was one commercial plane, small plane, and helicopter after another. That, the motorcycles, and the projects really do stop here! Fortunately, the motorcycles haven’t been as bad as I expected them to be. I only hear them once or twice a week but that’s all it takes to wake me up if I’m asleep when they go zooming by. The cooler weather should lessen them even more but that doesn’t mean I won’t have to listen to landscaping every single day, the planes, and whatever projects people do.

Yesterday, I opened the back door and thought I was hearing thunder. Then Tom, standing in the carport said, “You can practically touch that plane.”

I stepped to the edge of the carport and could see a huge jet landing at McClellan. We didn’t see any insignia on the plane but had there been one we could have easily seen it. This wasn’t no 8000 feet but easily 2000 feet or less! It’s just fucking ridiculous here. But I’m now so used to living in noisy places that I don’t know anything else and I wonder how weird it may be to live anywhere quiet, not that I expect to ever do so. This is simply all I know now. Maricopa was the quietest place I ever lived as an adult and Auburn would have been the quietest if it weren’t for Jesse’s mutts and his own damn noise but other than that, noisy places are all I’ve lived in so I honestly can’t imagine anything different.

Tom made an appointment with Dr. A and will see her next month.

I’m going to be trying a new tooth whitener that you swab onto the teeth instead of the strips, and you only need to leave it on for five minutes instead of a half-hour.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2020 I asked him what I should name today’s blog post and he said Marissa, so Marissa it is.

Ran out to Rite-Aid for some Moscato, plus a $10 gift set containing Victoria’s Secret Love Spell-inspired scented body lotion, perfume, and a roll-on.

Disgusted that a pig gets suspended for posting on Facebook that he thinks a bullet should be put in the heads of Biden supporters and that they suspended the Twitter account of someone who said a couple of people should be beheaded. Not because of what they said but because I know that had I been the one to say such a thing, I would have had to go to jail, pay thousands of dollars, and go through all kinds of hell. I still won’t let anyone stifle my speech within reason, though. I’m not the naive little sucker I was 20 years ago either. I know it’s always best to avoid court unless you’re forced and have no choice.

At least things are looking up for Joe and Kamala! And I’m still psychic, LOL. I would rather lose more of our much-needed money to other countries in order to gain other benefits of having Democrats in charge than have another four years of a crazy dictator who hates women and gays with a passion, Not to mention that truly believes that everyone can somehow pay their own medical expenses no matter how poor they may be and that that’s the way it should be.

Tom said I would hear about racism less with Biden in power after I told him I’m almost as sick of hearing about Trump as I am about racism since Trump is the one who’s stirring that up (even though his hatred lies mostly within the opposite sex and his homophobia). Oh, I totally believe the pigs brutalize blacks. But the whites get it too. It’s just not what the media chooses to focus on. But no matter how much of everything else may be exaggerated if not downright lies to spite whites or to get ahead, too much is too much. I don’t expect the over-addressed subject to die down completely since there’s been an obsession with it since the 90s but hopefully, there will be a lot less of it.

People are getting braver, I’ve noticed. When I think about it, it really took a lot of guts for that woman to tell me to watch my mouth when I could have easily taken them both and I’m sure they must have known that. Yeah, they were taller like most people are, but I was a lot younger and probably fitter, so it took guts to say that to someone who was as pissed as I was. Believe me, I saw my own spittle fly from my mouth as I was shouting at them.

Then there was this video I saw when browsing random YouTube videos. There was no visual, but you could hear the recording a student made of this black bitch of a teacher threatening one of the students. After being told she would simply “drop her,” the student said, “Yeah, right.”

Kids these days are much more defiant than they were when I was a kid because I would have been stunned into absolute horrified silence if my fifth-grade teacher had said such a thing to me as I think most students would have. Sure enough, though, as twisted as the laws are, the student got suspended for recording her teacher when she thought she was doing the right thing. I doubt anything happened to the teacher, but I don’t know.

My skin has been so dry since we haven’t gotten any real rain in half a year, but it looks like we might get some today. Today’s the first day that’s very fall-like. It’s breezy, the leaves are coming down like crazy, and it’s nearly 20 degrees cooler.

Fortunately, he isn’t going to be working outside today. Yesterday he took care of the trapdoor where they read the meter so I don’t have to get woken up just for them to read the fucking thing when I’m asleep during the times they come around each month. He did it to make it easier for himself too, when he turns off the water like he’ll have to when he finally tackles the shower project. He put a hinge on the wooden plank and will put some foam around the edges to cushion it so they can’t slam it.

Now I know those strange “bangs” that would sometimes wake me up weren’t just dreams or car doors next door. Why do people feel the only way to close doors of any kind is to slam the holy shit out of them?

And why must every vehicle that delivers the papers be loud? At first I thought that was just an odd coincidence despite how many loud vehicles there are out there, but the park must require it. I wondered why the hell they would want something loud coming in here that early in the morning but I think it’s to warn anyone that might happen to be out at that time and not paying attention since there usually isn’t much traffic before 5 a.m. anyway.

My hip is better today but not perfect. My shoulder still hurts too. Just not much as long as I don’t use it too much. I’ve got to kick that damn front shoulder raise exercise out of my Bowflex routine!

Had a series of mish-mashed dreams that made no sense. First I was in the home of an old lady in Texas that follows me on PB. I felt bad for waking her up to ask something about her house. And then we were chatting later on when she was awake.

Then we were driving through Las Vegas and I was pissed I didn’t have my phone with me to take pictures.

Then I was in a large store and spotted a beautiful doll in the back corner of it. I arrived there with my bike and a couple offered me a ride back home if I wanted it and gave me a business card.

I headed over to check out the doll that was large and posed doing a handstand. A Hispanic family was checking it out too, crowding the doll and leaving me no room to get a good look at it. Frustrated with their rudeness and selfishness, I headed back to the front of the store where I was going through some things that were laid out on a couch before realizing someone had stolen my bike that I stupidly left unlocked. I noticed other bikes were secured with cable ties and wished I’d been as smart.

I asked the couple that offered to drive me home if their offer still stood who were sitting at a table outside the store, and at first they were reluctant. I was able to talk them into it saying it would be just a 2-minute drive down the street.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2020 Still waiting for the presidential results.

I’ve given up on OD. Too many outages and the site runs snail slow. Yet they want people to pay for that shit?

Ended up screaming at a couple of rude ladies for allowing their mutts to come running up to me barking that weren’t on leashes. I didn’t know if they were going to bite me or anything like that, so I screamed at the one that came closest to me to get away and then at the women for not having them leashed.

“Their leashes are right here,” said one of the women holding them up.

But what good is it if the damn dogs aren’t attached to them?

I cut them off with, “I don’t care, they’re supposed to be on a fucking leash!” and walked off with the last thing I heard over the headphones that were still on my head playing music being to watch my mouth.

Fortunately, they didn’t run indoors and call the cops on me because they would have been the ones to be believed. There were two of them and one of me and they were considerably older. And knowing how most people are, they would have thrown in shit and lied, saying I either threatened them or the mutts, so I’m glad for that much. Unless you’re calling to report a stolen vehicle or something or you fear for your life, the main reason people call the cops is that you pissed them off, and they’ll throw in whatever they can as extra ammunition to get you with.

I vaguely mentioned it to Tom but not in detail because I knew he would either defend them or get all paranoid and worry the pigs would soon be kicking down our doors and all that. I’m pretty sure we never met. I didn’t recognize them and I’m pretty sure they don’t know me either.

I won’t say anything on Facebook in case the Twenties hear about it and throw my name out there since you don’t have to do anything “wrong” to get in trouble. It’s just that there’s still no way to know for sure that they didn’t mention my car complaint to someone who ratted me out to the B’s but I still think they had a friend in the office. It was just too soon after the counter-complaint for the B’s not to have had one.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2020 I was really hoping to wake up to find Biden declared a winner, but instead it all looks like one big confusing and conflicting event that may take weeks to tally up. Tom thinks Biden would have a much better chance if he hadn’t chosen Kamala Harris to be his running mate. I agree but not because of her color. Obama has proven that most of the country supports or at least accepts non-whites. I think it’s because she’s a woman and we live in a sexist country that is never going to change. Really, I can’t believe we still haven’t had a woman president. But at this rate, it seems unlikely we ever will. At least not in my lifetime.

I also still can’t believe anyone would ever vote for someone like Trump. I don’t know that he hates blacks or Hispanics, but I definitely believe he hates Muslims, women and gays. I wondered if he hates Jews, but Tom doesn’t think he does. Instead, he thinks his supporters think he does and that’s part of why they vote for him, because they hate them.

Well, there are certainly a hell of a lot more Jew-haters than black-haters. I think only Trump himself knows who he hates and who he doesn’t but why anyone would want to take away a woman’s right to have any control over her own body is beyond me. And why would anyone support someone with that kind of twisted agenda?

I always try to look on the bright side of negativity and if Trump wins, at least the borders should have stricter security for a while, and of course, he can’t be president forever. Also, it won’t be our rights that could personally be affected since Tom and I will never need an abortion or plan to marry the same sex, any more than Biden winning would necessarily help us in any way.

We got all excited to see they voted to raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour in Florida just to find it doesn’t fully go into effect until 2026. He’ll be 69 years old then for fuck’s sake.

Right now my biggest concern is getting out of here when we plan than who’s going to be elected. I’m experienced enough to know that things rarely go our way and work out well for us. Things always take longer and just don’t end up happening the way we think or hope they will. It just seems so unfair that there are people who wish they could settle down and stay in the same place for more than a few months while we’ve been here for years and might have to really struggle to get out of here. If it was quiet and an even nicer house, we probably would have lost it with our luck, although the finances have been in our favor for several years now. So not everything doesn’t go our way.

I didn’t go out walking this morning. I’m too tired because I was up forever yesterday checking on election results as they were being updated. When I went out walking yesterday morning there were three planes in just the half-hour I was out. 2000 feet, 8000 feet, if I can hear you inside my house, you’re too fucking loud. It was so cold at just 51°. I was shivering inside my sweatshirt and hoodie. Today and tomorrow will be the last of our warm afternoons and then I guess that will be it.

We visited the “people in the hill,” as I refer to those in the cemetery since it’s on a hill. I figured why not take a walk among the dead just for the hell of it? It’s the youngest cemetery I’ve ever seen! Being from New England, many graves are hundreds of years old there. The graves are newer and are closer to the park. The freshest one I saw was in 2018. On the other side of the cemetery, I spotted a 1989 grave. There’s a mausoleum as well as an orchid where you can plant trees to remember loved ones and just about every mortuary service there is. There were some large tombstones and others were flat to the ground which I never saw in Massachusetts. They’re going to be adding another building but luckily it shouldn’t be close enough to the wall that we would hear all the construction.

Yesterday, I glanced out the window and saw long strips of wood strapped to the roof of a red SUV at the saw whore’s house. I thought, fuck no! Here we go again.

But barely a minute later I glanced out again and the vehicle was gone. They couldn’t have unloaded that fast so either saw cock was giving the wood to the red SUV or the SUV was simply visiting while it was on top of the roof.

I’ve officially dropped out of NaNo because I just can’t get into it. Nor can I get into updating my bio. I don’t want to go over the same shitty memories and experiences yet again. If I were going to do that much work, I would want to be paid for it.

Someone mentioned getting a food mill for someone for the holidays and I was like, what the hell is that? So I looked it up on Amazon and it looks like it might be a good thing to eventually get. That way I could make applesauce and tomato sauce for spaghetti and things like that.

Minnie picked up my reply yesterday but hasn’t contacted me again since. Don’t know what’s going on in her life and while it may be cool that someone thought to look me up, I don’t know if I’m really all that interested in her.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2020 The two questions of the day, strictly out of sheer curiosity and not because it matters one way or the other, are as follows.

Did the drama queen really run to the pigs? It’s definitely something she would do and what she said regarding Tom, if the transcriptions were correct, suggests she did since I don’t see why she would suddenly go looking him up. She probably did the same thing in Connecticut and obviously, she was laughed out of both police departments.

But if she did go to the pigs, it makes no sense that they would run his name either if the problems she had was with me. And why would she and her brood troll me if she went to the pigs? Maybe out of frustration of being told she didn’t have a case?

The other question is whether or not it was Tom that kept me from conceiving (unintentionally or not). Well, they didn’t find my fallopian tubes to be clogged and didn’t say anything appeared to be wrong with my uterus other than a horn shape which wouldn’t necessarily cause infertility, so unless my eggs are damaged or his sperm is worthless, then yeah, I’d say it was him. Maybe not cumming really does lower a woman’s chance of conceiving dramatically. Again, that’s great that we didn’t have kids, but did I really need to go through so much emotional anguish?

Back to Tammy. The little termite hasn’t tried to get in touch with me so she’s either unaware of what I did or doesn’t know I’m behind it. A few weeks or so ago, I anonymously contacted her park, assuming she’s still there, and said I was on vacation (for when they check their visitor log and see I’m in another state), then complained about her and her daughters being mean and rude and just horrible people that I wanted looked into. Chances are, though, the bitch is blissfully unaware of it. Even if someone did get the message and all that, they’re not going to tell her about it. It was still something to do and I still feel like I have to do something until I feel it’s an ideal time to give my final peace of mind. I wasn’t kidding all those years ago when I resolved never again to let people screw me and simply walk away. Especially to this magnitude. You don’t get to cause me to have to change my number and publish books and different names and get away with it as if it’s nothing because it’s not nothing. When I’m ready to say something about the way I’ve been treated as I eventually will with them, I will not be punished for it in a court of law. I will not be punished for speaking my mind in a reasonable, non-threatening manner no matter who may disagree with it or get pissed off by it. I’m an adult. You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t say. The question is whether or not I could be more at risk of being harassed for it in this state or Florida, especially if she’s still there. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was. I don’t think she’ll die anytime soon but I can’t see her being healthy enough to move either.

In looking at all the different possibilities as to where we may end up, we came across these “haunted” houses for sale. It was kind of strange. Aly even visited one where some people were axed to death. As much as I’d love to get a place we could buy outright and not have much of a monthly payment, those places are almost always where it’s cold and snowy and that needs a lot of work. I just can’t bring myself to move to a colder climate. I hate being cold! It’s only good for sleeping but I hate it otherwise. It’s going to be 83 degrees here today but come Friday summer’s over… I think.

I just want to get the show on the road already! I feel like I’ve been waiting for this forever. But someday I really will live where I don’t have to hear the fucking freeway and a couple of low-flying helicopters in the middle of the night when it should be quiet. Okay, maybe an occasional train in the distance but that’s it.

There was an affordable old church for sale in Texas and it actually wasn’t in that bad of condition. It had a finished apartment where we could stay until the rest of the place was remodeled and it was wonderfully secluded and out of the way. I knew there had to be a catch and that something had to be wrong somewhere with something that seemed so ideal. So we checked it out via satellite and sure enough, there’s a train track that runs right by the place. Like way too close. Otherwise, the climate, elevation, and price were ideal. It was huge as hell too. In the end, though, we’re either going to end up in a park or rural Florida but I refuse to be in a park that allows motorcycles. I’ve had enough of that shit!

Tom chatted with Virginia the other day who looks noticeably thinner and worn out. She said there was so much to do since it’s stuff that Bob used to do. I’m totally surprised she hasn’t moved but he said she didn’t mention it. Fortunately, she doesn’t need a walker anymore to get around. I guess that was only after she was recovering from her heart attack.

Later we’ll be going out to mail Aly’s jewelry since the envelope won’t fit through the mail slot. Really miss the days of being able to receive and send mail directly from the house!

I made sure to work my core and hopefully, it will stop these backaches I’ve been getting all too often lately. There’s an interesting back massager I found on Amazon that’s unlike anything we’ve ever had before. In a few weeks, assuming they have tons of sales on those kinds of things that are popular gifts, I might grab one. It’d be great for most body parts.

My cancer spot has scabbed over. The scab is thick and dry. It doesn’t itch much but I have this flat, dry, scaly red patch on my outer thigh that sometimes itches. I’ve had it for a while and will have it checked out at my next appointment.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2020 “Mishanda’s” 30 days are up on OD, so now it’s “Robin’s” turn.

Right after my last entry, in popped Marie.

Forgot about that Estee Lauder skin serum sample I ordered. It arrived yesterday. The Cashmere Mist perfume sample I also got is gorgeous.

Got my lowest sleep score of 82. I woke up a lot. Sometimes I was too hot, other times just because, and twice I had to pee. However, I’m not that tired.

The “dream people” didn’t send me any good ideas while I slept, so I’m going to do a mix of things. Maybe see if I can flesh out the not-so-innocent girl who needs police protection, see where the superhuman serial killer takes me, and share parts of my bio on PB.

When I was mentioning to Tom how I wondered if dogs were left outside to bark all the time in Florida, he had a good point when he brought up the fact that most Floridians aren’t from there any more than most Arizonans. Tom was one of the very few natives I met while living in Arizona. He also pointed out that people tend to move to Arizona when they’re younger as opposed to Florida. Yeah, 26 is pretty young. So our future neighbors are going to take whatever habits they’ve had in their previous states, depending on where they’re from. In other words, even though many northeasterners who consider dogs pets move to Florida when they get older, with our luck we’ll get stuck next to someone from Arizona or California who won’t let their dogs indoors, something I’ve never understood unless it’s a trained guard dog. Why get a dog if you’re just going to toss it outside and leave it there? Yet it’s the norm in the West, like it or not.

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m1ckeyb3rry · 2 months ago

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BRO THAT KARASU HEADER IS SO GOATED but ngl im giggling at the fact that you thought of doing it for Karasu in the end and im all for it (obviously) WAITTT THE SCREENSHOTS LOWK ARE KARASU CODED good choice LMFAO “would you like a funeral for it” is so funny ok wait this story cooks fr….signing a petition to add this to your todo list (jk LOL or am I (but your list is so long rn so don’t take this seriously LMAO)

FRRRRR ALSO THE SMALL CLIPS FROM TODAYS EP TOO??? Wait I’m sure you know but NAGIS MOMENT WAS FIRE there was also actual movement this ep which makes me so happy because I’m not even that picky with the slideshow type animation but some of the earlier episodes were a bit brutal LOL also that one nagi scene where he’s flabbergasted is SO. FUNNY. I HAD TO PAUSE THE EP TO LAUGH BECAUSE THATS PROBABLY THE MOST EXPRESSICE FACE QEVE EVER SEEN HIM DO IM CRYING

Aikuniko unironically being one of my fav platonic pairings now because the dynamic is actually so fire and so funny like more people need to focus on this not the opps this is way more interesting imo

LMAOOOO REAL we’re the only strikers around here bastard munchen better come scout us

LMAOOO THE MOTIVATION BEING GEGE NOT GETTING IT TOGETHER so real honestly every now and then I think back to jjk and I can’t believe it’s over?? ATP just going to treat pi as canon because the ending really was messy and I barely even know wtf happened

AHAHSHAH the way that even you forget makes me laugh but you’re so real for that but the nagi mischaracterization is indeed quite insane…off the top of my head besides peregrine I can really only think of one other fic that stands out to me and doesn’t feel wildly ooc but it’s also like a medium sized Mira oneshot length not a full long fic either so looks like you still hold the crown LOL

ATE AND LEFT NO CRUMBS (I’m pretty certain there is a horror movie by that name or at least a thriller but I’m so bad with horror so I wouldn’t know the details LMAO) LMASOAOAOAO close enough you gave Yamada extra exp (I also have only heard of this in passing so twinsies) ok but rin and tullia actually does sound like a VERY interesting dynamic curious about where you think you’d put that pairing

Maybe I didn’t realize it and I’m going through my fall rut too like damn ok tumblr….tbf I actually think it’s a combination between my slow devices that are chronically filled to the brim storage wise because I constantly take videos and pictures….and also my reception being really bad recently although I’m not entirely sure why because that part of tech is def not my specialty but hopefully gonna get through this….

LAMAOAOOAAO ALL GOOD I LOVE LONG CHATS DW our yap sessions give me life

REAL bird symbolism >>>> also YEAH KAISER LMFOAOAAO he’s supposed to look exotic and flashy and well. He fits the bill!!!! His hair makes him look like a molting parrot that’s in like the in between stages of pin feather emergence or something but YESSS written so well especially with the showing not telling thing via writing honestly so impressive and really enjoyable to read it’s like it scratches an itch in my brain because I cannot get past works that are really poorly worded or have a lot of grammar mistakes sorry

OMG if you ever publish a book I’ll be your first reader (imagine it’s a masked Karasu or nagi story LMFAOOOO)

LMAOAAOAO wdym you are an artist look at that distinct style he’s so silly

I DID SEE IT WHIKE I WAS SCROLLING AND SOOOOO TRUE I also love the nagi rin duo so much potential ugh THE PARALLELS why do I feel like we’ve talked about this before but I couldn’t be making it up so er but anyways YES THE PARALLELS LMAOAOA I love parallels sm crazy how people are blind to the actual parallels embedded in the story that make for interesting dynamics but whatever

LMFOAOAOA yeah aikus not getting a glow up quite yet but NAGI WAS MAJESTIC tabieitaken too which makes me so happy!!!

REAL it’s not the liking that’s the issue it’s the hypocrisy lowk same idea applies to people creating ship wars and whatnot but it is what it is I guess I’ll just stay far away

SHSHS HOPE YOURE FEELING BETTER NOW!!! OOOOH breaks coming up!!! Hope you get some more relaxation timeeee also the meetup is so funny LOL sleep is always good that’s honestly me uhhh on my end yeah nothing too eventful besides me struggling with technology apparently but that probably also explains why it takes me several reboots to get my tv working too it’s probably partially slow internet connection urgh other than that also sleeping LMAOO nothing too crazy over here otherwise

Ok also I passed by your meme compilation and PAUSE DO YOU REMEMBER THE AQUARIUM IDEA WE TALKED ABOUT A LOOOOOOONG TIME AGO??? THAT KARASU HIORI ONE WITH THE FISH IS LITERALLY THAT OMFG LMFAPAOAOAOAOAAO

- Karasu anon

the swerving got to me ig SLKDFJHSD even kicking karasu out of the verse entirely wasn’t enough he still crept his way back in…AND as the male lead no less!! okay but do you see the vision like this version of megumi is literally karasu they’re even described the same (black spiky hair [because you will never see me calling karasu’s hair purple sorry not sorry purple hair is like reo to me karasu is just black but with…shading ig…] and blue eyes) it’s SO perfect LMAOAOA omg reader and megumi are so funny with each other they’re like kinda constantly roasting one another while also being insanely in love which again is SOOO karasu it’s crazy 😭 HAHA i will keep you posted currently trying to work on some 1k event stuff because i have to get through my requests and haven’t written in over a month so that’s as good a place to start as any

THEY DID NAGI SOSOSOSOSO WELL AHHHH I WAS SO HAPPY i knew they weren’t going to fumble him they love him SO much now i just need them to put that level of effort into barou and i will literally die with no regrets LMAOOO agreed the animation looked sm better this ep!! i totally didn’t mind it at all and i’m glad that since their budget and time were limited they’re focusing on doing their best with the really important bits (if that makes sense???) also SDLKFHJDS YES SHOCKED NAGI WAS SOOOO FUNNY PLS I WAS DYING he was fr like 😧 he looked so cuteee though but yeah i think that’s probably the most his facial muscles have ever moved in his life…actually wait on a more serious(ish) note i think it’s kind of cute that like as we go further along in bllk he’s becoming more and more expressive??? like him smiling with yukimiya and now this it feels like he really has more friends and is finally becoming more comfortable in himself and showing/having feelings it’s so sweet to see him opening up 🥹 (one thing abt me I WILL be taking the most random things seriously when it comes to nagi like is it truly that deep?? no but i am making it so)

AIKUNIKO FOR LIFE they are THE siblings of all time…actually ngl i was saying to someone that niko is literally the secret third itoshi bro if you think abt it like his eyes are EXACTLY the same (a bit rounder but he’s also younger), he and rin have super similar coloring, and he kinda has a similar personality to sae but a more innocent and sweet version?? like he could literally be revealed to be an itoshi and i’d be like ok sure checks out (also it’d be funny because then there’d be an itoshi on offense defense and midfield) bllk au where everything is the same but niko is randomly revealed to be an itoshi and the only reason he’s normal and not a bot is because aiku raised him he didn’t grow up around their weird soccer drama so he thinks it’s all silly

FACTS we’re literally ng11s atp….i think if i had to hc us on nel teams (this is a crazy statement) i would put you on pxg and i would put myself in barcha NO idea why though (actually wait then you can rizz up karasu and otoya can rizz me up and we can go on #doubledates)

I FORGET JJK IS OVER TOO i saw this slideshow on tik tok that was like “pov you’re seeing the last panel of a manga” and some of them were so emotional and then i saw the jjk one and i was just like ok…??? idk the ending just didn’t feel impactful at all to me something about it felt very incomplete and unfinished and it didn’t at all tie anything together to the point where the final panel left me empty the way a story like jjk SHOULD’VE (i have high hopes for the final panel of bllk although i hope we don’t see it for a while) agreed though SDKJHFS pi is canon everything else is just gege writing fanfiction

HELP rip peregrine truly the forgotten oldest child of the miraverse…i think it’s kinda crazy that besides peregrine and one post of headcanons that was a request i actually have not written nagi at all??? technically pursuit is a nagi fic but he’s at least 20k words away from debuting and the romance is so secondary to the plot that it almost doesn’t count so yeah haven’t written for him in ages which is crazy considering how much i love him…anyways slide that one shot over if you remember the title i don’t usually read much but if it’s coming recommended from you i will

LMAOAOA oopsies accidentally upped him a few levels SKDJFHS yeah it looks like a romance anime i’d watch in a weekend and forget about in a couple of days ngl but its existence served its purpose by awakening me to the rin and tullia potential honestly i feel like my default pick for a tullia pairing ESPECIALLY alongside nagi is isagi because he kinda fits the kind of character i put her with usually?? idk actually originally it was kunigami but then i was like “nah isagi makes more sense” also i didn’t know abt wildcard when i first watched s1 so i thought kunigami was fr cooked so i had to change gears because couldn’t have tullia with a random yk HAHAHA but now that i’m considering it i think rin and tullia would be so much more fun to write?? mostly because i don’t usually write tullia the way she is in pomegranate ink…like typically she’s a very serious, borderline rude in her bluntness/sarcasm, shy (but it comes across as cold), and competent (idk if this makes sense but she like. gets shit done and doesn’t start fights but finishes them LSKDJF) type of character which i think would intersect with rin very oddly as that’s the personality he tries to give off but we all know he’s not really like that HAHA it would be like a fake idgaf warrior x real idgaf warrior chemical reaction 😭 OR alternatively we go with the pomegranate ink tullia characterization which would also be hilarious because rin would just constantly be like wtf is she talking about meanwhile tullia’s dropping her “yk what they say abt assumptions they make an ass out of you and me 🙂‍↕️” wisdom LMAOOOO wait also if she’s more like her pi self then they’d def be that “quiet bf x he asked for no pickles gf” couple somehow like i can VIVIDLY imagine tullia beating rin’s opps up for him she’d even swing on shidou if necessary 🤩

okay wait let me cook what kind of scenario i would pair them up in…i think the male lead would probably be nagi in a fic where they’re the side couple?? because if it’s a long fic lbr the only options for male leads on THIS blog are nagi and karasu but ngl if the male lead is karasu i want tullia with hiori they would have that pi tullia x inumaki vibe and hiori makes more sense as a side character in a karasu story 🧐 let me branch out though and see if i can think of anyone else hmm the obvious option is isagi but erm. isagi has a long ways to go before he can make it as a love interest in the miraverse he should honestly be glad i allowed him to be in a love triangle(ish) with yayoi and barou in pursuit SDJKF uhh who else is even associated with rin…sae?? but a) i’m not writing MORE sae it’s bad enough how many reqs i have for him and b) idk how i would feel abt reader and tullia just dating siblings SLDJFS errr ig bachira is there but i’m incapable of seeing bachira as a love interest fsr…hiori but i also don’t have strong romantic feelings abt hiori like he’s chill but i def couldn’t write a fic abt him yk…why is rin so emo LKSDJFSLD bro has zero friends i gen think nagi is the only feasible option given the miraverse constraints (unless you have any other suggestions ☝🏻) actually that’s kind of annoying though because nagi is lowkey impossible to come up with aus for so now i’m going to have to ruminate on what kind of situation specifically that this could all work in

PRAYING FOR YOU AHHHH fall slump is inevitable fr LKSSDLFJ hmm have you tried going on the tumblr website instead of the app?? that might be a little faster if connection is the issue (no idea if that’s smth you’ve already done/usually do) but yes we will get through this november is almost over and then we will be freed

yeah kaiser is certainly giving…something…LMAOOO PIN FEATHERS SO REAL i think the bird symbolism became a little TOO literal with him which is kind of crazy coming from me (a karasu glazer) but idk karasu pulls it off better!! anyways i’m also just a kaiser hater because all of his fans are nagi haters for some reason (okay not ALL but. a lot.) so there’s automatic beef there like kaiser could literally be the best character ever and be absolutely gorgeous and he’d be my OPP but as it is he’s neither of those things so i will always be criticizing

AHAHAH YAYYY THAT MEANS SM i really try to treat my readers like they’re intelligent individuals?? even in books i think people try to baby their readers and spoon feed too much which just gets annoying and redundant so i just throw in subtle references where if you get it you get it and if you put the connections together that’s great but if you don’t it’s not HORRIBLE you just kinda miss out on some foreshadowing or themes before they’re explained more fully…especially with tumblr it’s nice because then i can post about it and people who did’t see it can then know what i was doing and people who did can be like “yeahhh i noticed that #socool” LMAOOO also sometimes people will come up with their own connections and theories that outclass anything i intended on adding which is always really fun as well but that would never happen if i was overly literal with everything because then there’s no room for interpretation if that makes sense (also agreed poor grammar/wording are indeed turn offs for me that’s another reason why i don’t read fanfic much anymore…not hating because everyone starts somewhere and no one is perfect but yeah i am very picky with what i read and that’s why 99% of the time i end up writing instead)

LMAOOO PLEASE can you imagine you’re reading a book and you’re like “wow this seichiro kagi guy who’s 6’3, lazy, white haired, and super talented sounds really familiar…” that’s how you know it’s by me fr actually honestly given how increasingly insane my ideas have been becoming as of late i could probably write an entire fic and then just use ctrl + f to have a completely new story

NAGI THE SILLIEST I LOVE HIM and so real they should hire me to draw episode karasu my portfolio is scattered throughout our asks i’ll do the story justice fr 🙏🏻

ngl it’s entirely possible that we have in fact talked about it before but i’m thinking about them sm rn…ugh…NAGIRIN IS LOVE NAGIRIN IS LIFE actually i think one of the reasons why people don’t talk about it is that people crash OUT if you ship nagi with anyone but reo (not that i’m shipping but yk) like i saw a nagisagi edit on tik tok (it was to the alchemy by taylor swift actually ngl it was cute hold on here’s the link) so i was like huh i wonder if people are posting abt this on tumblr come to find out people genuinely have like “nagisagi shippers dni” LMAO??? like why is it that serious 😳 you know i’m not really into shipping but look nagi and isagi have that yaoi eye reflection thing going on that everyone talks abt with nagire so i can see why people would ship them 😭😭😭 also they are like. such a normal ship?? like they’re the same age and they’re friends and nagi thinks abt isagi somewhat frequently and vice versa so i was genuinely surprised at how many people hate it KFDJDJSJ anyways long story short i will continue to spread my nagirin duo truth and if the haters come for me…we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it 🔥 although ngl since i never talk abt things in a romantic context i SHOULD be safe. we can hope.

also wait speaking of that edit this comment on it cracks me up every time i look back and see it LMAOO mostly because it’s actually very true but i didn’t think abt it until i saw the comment…like yeah isagi actually IS always going on abt how he and nagi can make a million different chemical reactions like in the 3v3 against kunigami chigiri and reo he literally hallucinated nagi surrounded by rainbow sparkles (when he’s like “the future with barou is dead but the future with nagi is bursting with life” or wtvr poetic pseudoscience bs he was on abt at the time) HAHAHAHA like i said i’m not a shipper nor an isagi fan actually but listen the vision is hilarious to me and idk why it’s not more popular

aiku looks good when we don’t get closeups of his facial hair and teeth LMAOO he looked cute w sendou though ig 😭 AGREED NAGIIII and all of tabieitaken but otoya especially really ate this ep!! and the barou crumbs AHHH I’M SO HYPE FOR HIS GOAL ACTUALLY I KNOW IT’S GOING TO GO OFF

EXACTLY AHAHAHJS no this is why i only discuss “ships” (more so duos for me) and character opinions and whatnot w you and jeirin because a solid majority of people in the bllk fandom are like. a diff breed /neg

YES i am finally healed thankfully been having a restful week for the most part!! just chilling w my dogs like usual…excited to see my high school friends during break as well as for the semester to finally be over soon 🤩 just need to get through finals in the middle of december and then i’m freeeeee (to write bllk fic mostly lbr)

LMAOAOAO YES ACTUALLY I THINK I SENT YOU THAT EXACT MEME BACK THEN TOO AND WAS LIKE “this is literally karasu and fwtkac reader” KDJDSJ for the sake of the larger population i made it hiori but just know that in my mind that’s what i was originally envisioning…similarly the one proposal meme that i had w kunigiri/nagireo was originally meant to be for peregrine with the “she said yes!” being y/n and kira instead of kunigami and chigiri HAHAHA

#answered asks

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