#love it when eye put effort into shitposts

[generalzar0ff]

hey guys am eye tumblr famous yet

[reblogs appreciated also original meme under the cut]

ell oh ell ❤️

[vaaaaaiolet]

You take it upon yourself to spice up your husband's work lunches at Rebecca's encouragement, and Leon nearly dies in the process. Is Hello Kitty really a killer? Leon, for one, is convinced she's up to no good.

f / m, you're married to older leon!, crack treated seriously, fluff, slice of life, the dso is just one big happy family because i said so, bento boxes and happy ending but maybe not for chris (i still love my peanut buster king)

word count: 1.4k // read on ao3

a/n: inspired by rrcherrypie's hello kitty bento box video that i watched religiously as a kid. this entire fic is a shitpost tbh LMAO this is my government mandated apology for a story where no one goes anywhere <3 go check it out if you haven't yet!

Ever since his cop days, Leon’s learned that you can’t trust anyone whose hands aren’t in plain sight and well, Hello Kitty’s emblazoned face staring up at him from the kitchen counter doesn’t exactly have hands. Or arms.

Leon scrunches his nose at her and opts to wrap his own arms around your waist instead.

“Doll.”

“Hm?” 

Leon lines the side of your neck with kisses as carrot coins and cucumber slices fall serenely away at your knife. 

“Whatcha doin’?” he prods.

You neatly sweep the vegetables into the Hello Kitty bento box and give your attention-hungry husband a kiss to tide him over, but it’s not quite enough to satiate. Octopus sausages stare back at him with pointy sesame seed eyes, and Leon grows more unsettled by the minute.

He’s done playing nice; gives your hip a pinch. “Come on, you’re killing me here. What’s with all the arts and crafts?”

“Now, before you say anything,” your voice is soft and placating and giving him all the more reason to worry, "‘Becca came by to visit me the other day and said she really liked what I made you for lunch last week.”

“So this is for her?” Leon breathes a sigh of relief. He was starting to thin-

“No, this is for you, silly!”

And you laugh like it’s funny.

“I thought I should start putting in some more effort into your food. You’re away for work so often, and I don’t get to make you nice things as much as I want to.”

Leon chokes a little and looks back down at Hello Kitty’s gleaming metal face. “This is…what I’m taking to work?”

Your face falls. “What, you don’t like it?”

“No, doll, it looks delicious but…you really didn’t have to go all out. Your sandwiches are just fine. I don’t wanna give you the trouble, y’know?” 

“No trouble at all, baby,” you practically sing the words as you twirl to add your knife to a precarious tower of dishes in the sink, “you just say the word, and I can make you bento boxes every week.”

Every week?

You cup a soapy palm to Leon’s cheek as his gaze descends into a thousand-yard stare to rival Hello Kitty’s. “I think your friends might even be excited about your lunch now!”

Oh, absolutely. Chris was going to have a field day.

Chris completely loses his shit as predicted.

“Oh, Leon, it’s adorable,” Rebecca chimes in hopefully as Chris coughs into his fist, “you should have seen how excited she was when I gave her the box!”

The frustrated ceramic click of Leon’s teeth is somehow audible over Chris’ uncivilized howling. “So this was your idea?”

She gives him a sheepish chuckle.

“Rebecca, I thought we were friends,” he pleads as he picks up his metal fork. The team hovers over Leon’s shoulders like vultures to eye what his wife’s made him for lunch. 

To your credit, it’s a mealtime Michelangelo. There are Sanrio-themed rice balls of both the brown and white variety, vegetables neatly cut and festooned with animal picks, a beautifully folded omelet, and the ever omniscient octopus sausages. Hello Kitty’s metal face guards the entire hoard like a gargoyle. It’s enough to make Leon lose his lunch, but he’d have to have some first to cough it up.

He gives the octopus a tentative poke.

“Seriously, Leon, just man up and eat the damn thing.” Jill takes no nonsense as usual, plucking a carrot from the bed of lettuce and tossing it into her mouth. “Chris is just salty he’s having his fifth protein shake lunch of the week.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

It’s never quiet with those two around, but Rebecca gives him an encouraging smile as he gives the octopus a chew. It’s not bad, really. It’s just something about eating something with ey-

Rapid alarm beeps in the main compound snap the team’s attention away from the bento box affair and towards the map in the middle. Rebecca shoots off in her rolling chair to pull up what’s alerting the alarm system, and Hunnigan’s business voice projects into Leon’s earpiece.

“I hope you’ve had a satisfying lunch.” 

He wonders if Hunnigan ever eats as he shoves his bento box into the breast pocket of his leather jacket. 

She, however, is unconcerned. “You’re going to need the energy for the incident we’ve just gotten wind of downtown.”

The situation was supposed to be minor. There were rumors of King Tut’s Curse swirling amongst the museum staff after a rare shipment of Egyptian artifacts, but nobody had taken anything seriously until a janitor walked into the storage room and came back out more dead than alive. Things escalated after the infected janitor wandered into the World War II exhibit and bit the cleaning team there. The staff was horrified, the media was unhelpfully broadcasting the entire thing on live TV, and the DSO had blessedly quieted the whole thing down on that end before directing the case to Leon’s team as a classic T-virus takedown operation.

Easy as pie. Except the undead cleaning crew had gotten ahold of loaded World War II guns, you know, for historical accuracy. 

It’s a cinch for the most part to evacuate the visitors from the museum. Leon ushers terrified middle schoolers out of the exhibits as fast as he can while the rest of his team rounds up the infected, and it’s a routine sweep. He just feels bad for the kiddos.

“But what about the gift sho- AHH!! ” Leon whirls around to see an Infected point a knife bayonet into a terrified sixth-grader’s face. The zombie’s finger pulls back the trigger almost cinematically, and Leon’s not stupid. He’s going to be too late.

The gun fires.

It fires a round directly into his left shoulder as he shoves the kid to safety.

Leon collapses on the ground after shooting the zombie’s head to bits, but his shoulder aches something fierce. Oh God, not again, this time he hasn’t even got Ada to patch him up. He gingerly presses two fingers to the wound and pulls them away to inspect the warm spill of blood, but surprisingly, his fingers come away clean. 

Jill comes running up as he stumbles to his feet. The last of the Infected have been wiped out, she explains frantically, pulling out a roll of gauze, and everything’s secure, but suddenly she stops to peer at his spotless bullet wound.

So it’s not just him. There was definitely a shot, and his shoulder definitely hurts like a bitch. 

But where was the bullet?

You’re chewing your nails down to the quick when Leon walks into the living room later that evening. The quiet shuffle of his shoes falling onto the stand prompts you to smother in him a warm, bakery-scented hug and take him by surprise, but he squeezes you back as much as his shoulder allows.

You sniffle into his leather-clad chest. “I’m so sorry, baby, I just- I saw the news before they stopped the broadcast and I can’t believe they sent you to deal with the riot!”

So that’s what Hunnigan fed the press this time. Practical as always.

“I can’t believe I made you go to work with that stupid lunch,” you carry on, gasping as you spot the bandage peeking through his jacket, “you didn’t like it and you could have died, I’m never-”

“I’m alright, no biggie.” Leon kisses the top of your head, taking you by the arms and sitting you down next to him on the couch. You furiously wipe a tear off your face.

“It’s not alright, I’m never making you anything you don’t like ever again. That bento box is bad juju. I’m telling Rebecca never to buy anything from that shop from now on.”

Okay, so you finally admit the box is creepy. Leon bites back a laugh. 

“Woah, doll, not so fast. You think it’s the box’s fault I got hurt?”

“What else would it be? Today’s the first time you take it to work, and then you get shot on a regular patrol.” You frown as he pulls the Hello Kitty bento out from inside his jacket. “You brought that thing home?”

He chuckles. “Take a look at it. I’ve got you to thank for saving my life.”

You squint at the tin and realize with a startle that a bullet round is lodged smack dab in the middle of Hello Kitty’s yellow nose. Like a goddamn bullseye.

The lunchbox had taken the brunt of the hit, leaving Leon unscathed.

“Incredible.” you breathe out. 

And he’s inclined to agree.

“So, doll,” Leon grins, “got any leftovers for tomorrow? Chris is a really big fan of the octopus things.”

psst, find more of my work here!

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3 take care and i love you!

[marikosenwrites]

﹒⪩nsfw headcanons - karasuno edition

a/n: YES I AM BACK WITH THE NSFW EDITION HAHAHAHA ... yeah i only did five characters because i'm really running out of time before my vacation (two months long) and i assure you my progress will be really slow but i'll still be posting some random shitposts

characters: hinata shouyou, kageyama tobio, sugawara koushi, tsukishima kei, yamaguchi tadashi

gn/fem!reader

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘HINATA SHOUYOU∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-i would head canon him as the experimental type

-he’s kind of just the softie that looks after you a lot even during sex (and especially during sex)

-not if he goes feral though- (we don’t talk about it)

-mm…if you were sadistic he would enjoy your sadism and be a ma…masochist- (my friends said i was one and i mean i don’t disagree…)

-likes seeing your face!! so doggy style isn’t really that common for you guys

-(i’m actually looking hard into this wait until i get lazy)

-if you or shouyou something find something new- HE’S ALL “OOH CAN WE TRY CAN WE TRY” even if it’s like two in the morning and you have to tell him to quiet down

-“b-but i wanna try!! ��🥺🥺”

-and oh man is that face your weakness- you give in anyway

-his aftercare is like the best

-you guys just watch a movie or chill in each other’s arms because it’s comfortable that way

-if you’re only taking a small break i think shouyou would prefer keeping his dick inside of you so he can feel your warm ass walls 🥺🥺

-i don't even know what i'm writing anymore

-would actually only have sex after you're twenty and would make sure that you guys have dated at least a year but if circumstances...

-idk why but he would like to brag about it to kageyama- i mean they *are* rivals after all-

-has incredible stamina

-uh...idk probably into edging?? i'm really unsure with this one

-his moans are uh??? loud

-ALSO REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME HE GOT HIT IN THE BALLS BY A VOLLEYBALL BY KINDAIICHI-

-i'm not elaborating let me pretend he didn't get permanent balls damage

-also try to avoid quickies with hinata he’s going to get overboarded with that shit

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘KAGEYAMA TOBIO∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-possible power play?

-you like to make fun of him by calling him 'king' and he's gonna be like "stoppp..." and yk it riles him

-sadist

-not really the needy type tbh

-it’s really more of a “how i’m feeling that day”

-but he’s clingier than you expect him to be

-more of the traditional type actually

-doesn’t really experiment much

-he actually puts in effort during sex (i haven’t read enough about this)

-he TRIED during aftercare (keyword is try)

-might try to make you something but cooking isn’t really his forte

-so he gives you cuddles and you guys might just take a bath but that usually leads to another session-

-down for quickies anywhere

-i forgor to mention

-his moans are pretty

-when you guys make eye contact all you see is a hunter eating his prey

-he loves eating you out or vice versa <3

-literal king in bed tbh 😩

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘SUGAWARA KOUSHI∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-i'd say average when it comes to sex

-really soft with you, and is barely feral

-small grunts and gentle movements against your skin

-you guys would definitely have a safe word

-he gets carried away sometimes...><

-tries to plan everything before hand

-like starting with a date and ending in bed and shit

-possibly breeding kink when you guys are older

-loves being cockwarmed since he feels so warm on the inside <3

-feral-ness 3/10

-not really down for quickies, it's risky

-doesn't like experimenting

-might prefer to keep your sex life private and unlike hinata and kageyama not brag about it

-but the whole team knows of your relationship

-his stamina is just average so usually just a round and a half and he's down and snoring

-aftercare is a must if he isn't that tired

-consists of food, bubble bath, AND TONS OF CUDDLES

-literally an angel

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘TSUKISHIMA KEI∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-sadist FR.

-he just loves teasing and edging you

-literally when he's helping you with his slim and long ass fingers he stops when he knows you're going to come and goes like

-"you don't think sluts deserve to come, do you?"

-kEiiiii stappppp plz 🥺

-but when he's not edging you he's just a marshmallow

-so fluffy

-OK BUT HIS LONG ASS FINGERS ARE HELL BECAUSE HE GETS TO TEASE YOU ENDLESSLY

-that tall ass blond is gonna tease you endlessly about your height (this hc is both nsfw and sfw)

-pretty moans though <3 probably gives you goosebumps

-there probably is a safe word

-PHONE SEX PHONE SEX PHONE SEX RAHHHH I'M GOING CRAZY HEAR ME OUT

-OK WHAT IF HE'S AT CAMP AND HE JUST CALLS YOU BECAUSE HE FEELS HORNY AND YOU GUYS *lip biting*

-ya get what comes next he guides you to touching yourself and vice versa <33333

-but it's not that often he VOLUNTARILY goes to camp (he also wouldn't call you during the potential youth training camp thing)

-down for quickies anywhere

-i feel like he would be into getting caught by both girls and boys because now they know you belong to him and he belongs to you

-sooo yeah <3 ain't he lovely

-his teasing is crazy btw if you hadn't gathered that from the anime that is like "who said you could come, slut?" and "yeah baby, doing well-" it's like two hell and heaven differences

-his aftercare is amazing though because he shows his soft side

-lightest teasing maybe

-protecc at all costs

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘YAMAGUCHI TADASHI∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-masochist for a change bc well kei

-really really really gentle with you during sex

-safe word needed!! he gets overboard sometimes

-doesn't really moan that much contrasting to public opinion

-more groans and grunts

-loves to be cock-warmed

-no quickies nuh-uh

-kind of afraid of getting caught to be honest

-no kinks though tadashi's average when it comes to sex

-no phone sex either i guess he's the type of guy that FIRMLY believes that his cum only belongs in your pussy and nowhere else

-squeezes you hard when he comes

-i really shouldn't be doing this at school when i'm supposed to be working but integrity doesn't exist

-i hc that if you want to experiment smth with him

-he would do it with you <3

-overall a fluffy relationship

©marikosenwrites 2023-2024 all rights reserved. i do not own any of the haikyuu characters mentioned. please do not repost on any other platforms or translate them. likes, reblogs, and comments are welcomed! <3

tell me if you want more characters!

[meiusoo-twistedtwst]

Silver’s Family Analysis (help-)

!!Contains spoilers for: Vampire Knight, Twisted Wonderland Chapter 7!!

≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫ ≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫ ≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫

(Translations from Otome Ayui on YT!)

1) Knight of Dawn (KOD) was an orphan & adopted by Henrick’s dad, hence why he feels obliged to fight for their country & his adopted family

2) Istavan Family (blood related only):

-Unnamed Father

-Unnamed Mother (the Father’s spouse)

-Henrick Istavan (the fatass standing beside KOD)

-Leia Istavan (the daughter)

3) Henrick wanted to conquer Briar Valley in the 1st place for the Princess Glow Stone that was in Meleanor’s possession. He wanted to do anything to cure his father’s otherwise incurable disease

4) Said disease could either be:

1. Cancer probably

2. Or could Henrick & Leia’s dad suffered from the same sleeping curse as Silver? Maybe it’s actually a non-recessive gene that Silver just inherited from his mom’s side..?

Henrick uses Leia to pressure/force the hesitant KOD to actually put in effort when dueling Meleanor, the fact that he even adds Leia’s name at all after a pause in his speech implies that KOD was in love with her despite them actually being step-siblings because remember; their dad adopted & raised KOD (so affinial incest??!? Assuming their parents all raised them to see each other as brothers & sister)

Henrick being related to Silver is honestly such a laughable thing, it’s so unbelievable that it’s funny

≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫ ≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫ ≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫

The following paragraph is in response to this shitpost!

Silver’s blood family history seems to just add more parallels between himself & Zero Kiryuu from Vampire Knight:

-both have similar features: longish silver hair, pale skin color, aesthetics could actually be pretty similar because Diasomnia’s general aesthetic kinda matches Vampire Knight’s, & both of them have rare eye colors, with lavender for Zero & aurora for Silver

-both are stoic but good with animals (horses specifically for Zero)

-were both adopted by powerful men (ancient fae general Lilia Vanrouge & the greatest vampire hunter Kaien Cross)

In fact, they’re so similar they even both have some sort of direct or indirect relation with affinial incest in their families- with Zero being in love with Yuki despite technically being raised to see each other as siblings & Silver with his parents as written above

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

[genericpuff]

Same anon as before talking about writing stuff and worrying about if people will find it (but not the same anon as the other asks before that) - I think many people who are budding writers and artists have these concerns and bring them to you because you A). Are a creator yourself so you know what you're talking about in a verified sense and B). Idk about other anons but some of us (like me) take your reasoning (and critique) in regard to writing seriously because of your experience and how you analyze stuff such as LO.

I think at least some of us (again I can't speak for everyone nor can I or should I) wants to make sure they're not making mistakes such as the ones RS does in writing.

Also I might just take you up on your offer of Zelda fanfic - I do so love LoZ 😅.

ugh god, am I y'all's role model now or smthing? why would you do that to yourself (ㆆ_ㆆ)

okay but jokes aside, obviously people can't help who they look up to and I'm not gonna be a dick if y'all look up to my work and what I do here, just remember also that you're not obligated to agree with everything I say or take it to heart, you also shouldn't take my analysis of LO and how it's written/drawn personally because so much of that analysis is within the VERY specific definitions in which LO exists, definitions that don't really apply to many other webtoons on the platform. If there's anything I say or criticize LO for that speaks to you and your own work on a certain level, try not to take it as a direct personal attack towards you and more just like... if the things I'm saying about LO feel like they apply to your work, take it as advice for improving your own craft.

Or don't! You can literally ignore me and do what you were gonna do anyways. I literally cannot take that away from you and you absolutely shouldn't let me. I have no real power over anyone here, that's what I mean when I say I'm just a guy participating in their hyperfixation so don't feel like you gotta take me too seriously lmao

Also, yeah, okay, I'm a webcomic creator myself, but to put myself on the cross for once - I've never succeeded at this gig. Rekindled is the most consistent audience I've had in years, I think the last time my work was in a banner rotation was in 2015 (and it wasn't on WT), and I somehow make something like $20/month off Patreon. I've had small victories along the way, it hasn't been all bad, but this isn't my living and chances are low I'll ever find mass success with it. Everything I said about not taking my opinion too seriously because I'm just a random Internet guy applies to people like Rachel as well, while I criticize her work on the basis of it being a commercial product that should know better and I DEFINITELY harp on her for a lot of shit, at the end of the day she's in no way obligated to pay even a second of attention to me because she's made way more money in webcomics in the last 2-3 years than I could ever dream of making in the 10 years I've been doing this, that's something I can't take away from her and that was never the goal when it came to discussing her work. All I have to show for my own efforts is experience and rhetoric, and a few odd readers who have been around so long I wonder why they even still follow me LOL I am your typical "can never live up to the success of those who they criticize" chronically online shitposter. I don't think I should have to be on Rachel's level to be able to discuss her work, mind you, that's half the function of an audience to begin with, but it's not like I have any real legitimacy in this industry that you should worry about what I have to say. It's not like I'm capable of robbing Rachel of her awards or the money she's made lol

And by all means, go ahead and look for my fanfiction stuff, but I'm not providing any eye bleach because I wrote it when I was like, 13 years old, so search at your own risk lmao

(and if you do find it, no you didn't （︶^︶）/hj)

[asimperingswannsong]

Larissa’s Reluctant Romance

Part 2 of my shitposting a wildly inappropriate pairing just to amuse myself

Characters: Larissa/Wednesday

Summary: Wednesday’s efforts continue. Larissa’s reluctance intensifies. I was chastised by Tumbr for my failure to paragraph correctly but I still couldn’t be bothered.

———————————————————————

Over the next few days Larissa was confused as to how to proceed with Wednesday. Their regular interactions continued unchanged with Wednesday providing polite but blunt responses to her general inquiries; nothing new there. She was behaving as though she hadn’t appeared in Larissa’s bedroom in the middle of the night to confess her love for her. It made Larissa feel uncertain. She tried to return the necklace to Wednesday a few times by placing it in her room while she was in class, but it continued to return to her bedroom when she wasn’t looking. She changed the locks, added a deadbolt, and still it returned to her. Aside from this game of back and forth, there were no obvious changes in their relationship.

Eventually, Larissa decided to hang on to the necklace for safe keeping. She could always return it to Wednesday at a later time when she realized the error in her ways. She had begun to put the matter entirely out of mind when Valentine’s Day arrived. Larissa didn’t hate Valentine’s but seeing as how she’d been single since the dawn of time, she did make a concerted effort to stay buried in paperwork within her office to avoid most of the lavish displays of affection between hormonal teenagers, and to some degree, members of her staff. With that in mind, she returned from breakfast and entered her office. She was stopped immediately by the sight of seven dozen roses dotted around the room in beautiful vases. There was an expensive looking box of chocolates on her desk. There were no notes and no cards anywhere, but she had a good idea who might be responsible. Her suspicions were confirmed when she stepped into her quarters to discover a massive centerpiece of star gazer lilies and even more roses dominating the middle of her dining table. She started to be annoyed, but then the beautifully sweet aroma of the arrangement hit her and she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and allowed a small smile to settle on her lips. No one had ever done anything like this for her before, and for a brief moment, it felt really really nice. Then she opened her eyes and realized how difficult it would be to explain away so many flower arrangements to inquisitive students and staff who might stop by any moment. She returned to her office, gathered up five of the seven arrangements, and lined them up along the dresser in her bedroom. She placed the remaining two on either side of her desk and decided if anyone asked she’d claim she did it herself. A girl can buy herself flowers surely. She placed the chocolates in her desk drawer, and set about her usual day of paperwork. She wrestled periodically throughout the day with how she should address this with Wednesday. She also periodically throughout the day found herself breathing deeply and enjoying the novelty of having the scent of fresh flowers nearby. It put her in an oddly pleasant mood. When she finally finished her emails that evening, Larissa stood up, removed her heels with two small kicks, took the chocolates out of her desk, made her way into her quarters barefoot. The scent of the lilies and roses followed along behind her as she entered the kitchen where she surprised herself by opting for cognac instead of her normal glass of red. When she entered her bedroom with chocolates and drink in hand the scent of five rose bouquets in such a small enclosed space was intense. It permeated her senses. She stretched out on her bed and languidly enjoyed her drink and the chocolates. After awhile she decided on a whim that she’d like a soak in the tub. She refilled her glass, grabbed a few candles, filled the tub, dropped in a bath bomb, and stepped in. Once she was enclosed in the warmth of the water she reached behind her and cracked open the window just a touch. A chill breeze slipped in and with it the sound of Wednesday’s cello. Larissa smiled, closed her eyes, and rested her head on a towel she’d rolled up behind her. The next day she was determined to talk to Wednesday. This was not the sort of relationship a student and educator should have. She’d indulged herself yesterday, but this really did need to stop. The trouble was, she had to find Wednesday before she could talk to her. She spent the next few days unsuccessfully trying to pin her down. Eventually when she finally did have a talk with Wednesday, the gifts had been supplanted in her mind with Wednesday’s latest act of mayhem. She’d evidently found and attempted to tame a scorpion that had escaped from her bag and nearly frightened the English teacher, an elderly werewolf with a horror of all things creepy and crawly, to death. It had also caused several students to either escape or take up position on desk tops. Wednesday watched with

pleasure the sway, snap, bounce, and turn of Larissa’s hips as she paced back and forth while reprimanding her for nearly causing her teacher a cardiac arrest. Eventually, Larissa finished and Wednesday apologized for her oversight. She begged her leave and exited before Larissa remembered her original intention. They once again resumed their normal roles with one another. Days passed; weeks. A three day weekend for Memorial Day approached and Larissa was looking forward to a small road trip to a neighboring town with one her favorite dress shops and a really good Thai place. She stepped into her apartment Friday afternoon and discovered two small parcels on the table above her overnight bag. She opened the first and found a beautiful Hermes scarf that just happened to coordinate perfectly with the outfit she’d planned. The second package contained a bottle of jasmine and sun rose eau de parfum. She glanced up and saw Wednesday making her way across campus toward the lake. She grabbed the gifts and made her way outside. She located Wednesday on a bench reading a book of poetry next to the water. Wednesday looked up on Larissa’s approach and scooted to the side to make room for her. Larissa took a seat next to her. “Good evening Principal Weems.” “Good evening Ms. Addams.” “I found these items in my quarters, would you happen to know anything about them?” “I may.” Larissa sighed before continuing. “Setting aside your repeated comings and goings within my apartment for a moment, I’d like to address the inappropriateness of these gifts.” “What do you mean?” “Wednesday, these two items alone are worth several hundred dollars. That is not the sort of thing you should be doing for your principal.” “Did you admonish Alister Sloan in this manner?” “What do you mean?” “Alister Sloan.” “I remember him.” “I saw the $1,500 Mont Blanc pen he gave you while he was busy waving it around in front of his friends first.” Larissa rolled her eyes at the memory. “That was different.” “How so?” “He wasn’t buying me gifts as a romantic gesture. He just had the mistaken belief that his family’s money would allow him an exemption from the rules, a belief he got from his father who behaved in exactly the same way.” “Did you admonish him.” “No, but I did attempt to return it to him as he was leaving. He didn’t take it because he was too focused on creating as large and dramatic a scene as possible during his exit. I threw his pen in the bin.” Wednesday smirked briefly at that. “Did you just smile?” “No.” “I think you did.” Larissa nudged her gently with her elbow. Wednesday turned her head suddenly interested in studying the far side of the lake. They sat in silence for a few moments. “I can’t accept them Wednesday.” “I thought you might enjoy them on your weekend away. I did not intend to cause you discomfort. I will take them back.” Wednesday picked up the gifts, stood, and walked away. Larissa felt a pang in her chest. She felt she’d hurt Wednesday’s feelings. She’d obviously put thought into the items, but Larissa was anxious to maintain the professionalism of student and educator with her. Wednesday had always been a struggle for her. She’d had strong feelings for her from the beginning because of Morticia and Gomez and she couldn’t always define exactly what those feelings were. Later, as Larissa opened her bag to unpack, she found a volume of poetry entitled Blue Iris by Mary Oliver. Inside was a neatly written inscription: ‘I bought this used for $7.00 and I felt that any gifts with a monetary value under $15.00 qualified for exemption under the rules. Enjoy your trip. W—‘ Larissa smiled at the thought of Wednesday finding yet another loop hole to wiggle through. She sat the book aside and continued unpacking.

[nbrnty]

shitpost LMAO (ageless/minors DNI) Buny (who would be human with sharp fangs) in The eye’s embrace, the demo was very fun (I’m a Bram h8er, sorry LMAO) I love Dex (he’s actually so real and I will save him.) and Axel’s cute but bruh fr became my friend with the knowledge of what he would have to do (bruh did not even put in the effort, hope he get’s a redemption arc/hj) Spoilers below (also context for each pic)

1.Dex explaining Buny’s gonna die  2.Axel explaining Buny’s gonna die  3.When the people were saying how lucky Buny is and saying how they wish they were in their spot  4+5.Axel reveals why Buny, the concert was a lie :( (completely)  6.Buny asking to be Bram’s... wife, and then Dex killing them (which as he should, like slay fr, plz if they were to ever say that plz kill them, tbh Dex killing them was such a treat and he was hot doing it)  7.Bram POV of Buny LMAOOOOOO (I hate him.)

[sillyman-justgoofy]

I don’t particularly like AI when it’s used directly by people who can’t make art to try and pass it off as a real drawing, or even people who specifically use AI to shove a person’s style into it to make drawings of a similar look for themselves without crediting the artist at all, but this video is different from that usage of AI. somebody laid out the story with AI, and didn’t attempt to truly pass it off as real at all, and it is allowing people to take the things they enjoyed and replicate (not trace) them, such as the video being redone in garry’s mod, ms paint shitpost variants, and the lovely redrawings using the dr mario as a frame of reference. this is the best use for AI, it’s completely public, anyone can use it as a frame of reference like you would when making regular art, and it’s not intended at all to harm anyone (especially considering the characters used are mario, luigi, and toad, being directly held by the mega corporation that is nintendo, not like some deepfake of a real person or someone’s oc) which is why I think this video gets a certain pass in my eyes. there’s too much effort put in from outside forces, such as the voices, and everything else I mentioned above for me to hate this video.

not a big fan of AI but this is a top 10 video of all time for me

[gongedtornado]

updated introduction cuz i’m cool like that.

hiii welcome to my little hidey hole where i post art and scream all the time :3

be sure to scroll to the bottom or at least read the DNI + things i need tagged. thankssss

you can call me any of the following: silas / yarida / goose / kazzy

i use he / it / any + neos. though please try to refrain from using exclusively they/them on me. not that i really mind but i like a bit of variation :3.

20 and mixed filipino babeyyy !!

artist and professional shitposter . you can count on me to start a silly little doodle as a joke and put in wayyy too much effort into it lol. you can usually find these posts under the tag #shartposting

BE WARNED - I MAY POST BODY HORROR FROM TIME TO TIME.

I YELL AND SCREAM AND SWEAR A LOT. ALSO I’M NOT WELL IN THE HEAD. my textposts for when i scream is #kazzy caws. my more vent related tags will be under #kazzy complains. (feel free 2 mute that. no hard feelings)

PRETTY PLEEEEAAASE use tone indicators when talking to me. i can’t read tones past text for the life of me

i’m incredibly socially awkward and typically busy, overwhelmed, or generally burnt out. i promise i’m not ignoring you or hate you or any of that- i’m just trying to get by lol.

IF YOU NEED SOMETHING TAGGED DON’T BE SCARED TO ASK . i’ll obvs tag things like eye contact, g0re, etc.

this is a big one BUT IF I DO SOMETHING WRONG PLEASE TELL ME AND DON’T BE VAGUE ABOUT IT THANKSS. /srs

here’s more of my tags and whatever

#kazzy caws - text posts where i scream my thoughts into the void

#kazzy complains - text posts where i complain about shit

#kazzy scribbles - art posts

#shartposting - shitposts

I LIKE PATAPON A NORMAL AMOUNT. (<- HAS BEEN FIXATED ON THE SERIES FOR OVER 2 YEARS.)

little shop of horrors

paper mario

plant related characters (ie: audrey ii, petey piranha, potbelly from msm, etc)

stone story rpg (PLEASE PLAY IT ITS SO GOOD)

all tomorrows

DND (I FUCKIMG LOVE DND BRO)

just some things i would prefer of they were tagged for the sake of my sanity. just use “silas don’t look.” or “sdl” work fine lmao

roblox doors game (more specifically the visuals pleeeeaase)

generally upsetting or uncanny images. especially ones with heavy eye contact.

knack (playstation game)

posts with transphobia in them

h*zbin/h*lluva content + anything v*vziepop related

i don’t feel like making a specific section for this one but here’s some other things i’d advise you to avoid doing around/to me. thaaanks

do NOT refer to me as “smol”, “smol bean”, a “cinnamon roll”. anything of that at all. (if it’s for a joke go for it, but dont make it repetitive or a habit.)

do not refer to me as a child either- especially if you’re younger than me. i might sound a little whiny here but it genuinely rubs me the wrong way and i actually just hate it all around. 😃 don’t treat me like a child- in fact just avoid infantilizing me. please

please don’t call me “sister” or “mom”. i’m being so serious.

don’t come into my dms if i don’t know you- asking for art requests and such. i’ll just straight up block you.

(trigger warning for s/a mentions here.) if you joke about s/a or find it funny to make fun of such- just block me. i don’t want you here and you disgust me and so many others. thanks

i’ll also include the ask to follow below the dni stuff. dni/dnf will be red while ask to follow will be orange

basic DNI criteria

pr*ship/zo*philes

dream supporters

fetishizes trans/nonbinary people

ai ‘artists’ (lmao imagine not being able to pick up a pencil)

those who continuously use the excuses “it’s just fiction”, “it’s just a drawing”, and “erm it’s the internet. things happen” yall are annoying as fuck

She Who Will Not Be Named (you know who you are.)

He who will not be named (I don’t care if you want to make ammends. I don’t want to waste my time on your stupid loser baby ass.)

YTTD (Your Turn to Die) fandom

those with the intentions of befriending for free art

v*vziepop dickriders.

under 15.

if i generally just get bad vibes from you, i’ll just block. lol

applying this to the he/she who will not be named- if you’re thinking “is it me?” then it’s likely not you. /srs

ASK TO FOLLOW

irls. how and why did you find my tumblr huh? huh? do you wanna fight. do you wanna go to the dennys parking lot and fight there? huh? weenie (/JOKE)

h*zbin/h*lluva enjoyers. current mutuals are fine- i would REALLY REALLY prefer if y’all asked before following first?? i know not everyone in the fandom isn’t awful, but it’s just for my own sake. 🙏🙏

people that primarily go by the names “clyde”, “nadia”, “aspen”, “azzy”, or “marcel”. im sure yall are nice people or whatever but its moreso for the sake of my sanity :3. i also likely wont interact with you much but its whatever

dms are usually open unless i specify not to dm me.

commissions are closed off for now

i don’t do art requests. LOL sorry

art trades are always good! i take a long while on them though. srry

tagging/mentioning in a post is fine. kinda the same rules with the dms.

rp is kinda ehhh. i kinda only do it with closer friends tyyyy

okay cool you made it to the bottom thanksss enjoy ur stay lol

[xsilversugar]

Sometimes I wish I were a better or more popular person because I truly hate that my latest piece of art, one I'm genuinely so proud of it--it makes my eyes happy even a day later (that never happens) only got, like, four comments. Only one of which was more than two words.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm so very glad those people enjoyed it enough to even take the time to leave even a handful of kind words! I love and adore those peeps so asking for more from them isn't what I'm saying at all here, but like...as someone who routinely used to leave paragraphs for people's art out of admiration and respect...it stings. (I wanna get back in the habit of wall of text commenting tho. It's so fun and it helps you get better with understanding art better.)

It really fucking hurts to see hours of my efforts not even get noticed or reblogged or liked hardly ever. Like, it makes me think "what am I doing wrong?" not as an artist but as a person even when I know that's not what I should feel. I don't need to be famous or anything...I just want a smidge of acknowledgement tho. Just gimme more than five notes on a goddamn piece, or something, anything! Please! It is so fucking impossibly disheartening and it makes doing anything creative feel like a waste of time almost but I love it so much. I feel ignored and unheard in so many other aspects of my life I can't take having the genuine love I'm trying to put back out into the world just...disregarded. I'm happy with even a like at this point, just to know people see it and care even that much would mean a lot at this point.

But anyway. I know this isn't gonna go anywhere but I made a shitpost edit of said piece I'm still proud of to include my dumb son Mr. Pudgy. He's a mutated goldfish. Don't ask. Oh right, no one is gonna see this anyway. (I'm not bitter. You're bitter.)

[nadineselfships-archived]

[tittyblade]

tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason. 

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it. 

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others. 

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol. 

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

[gangrenados]

i just thought of soemthing funny jason trying to get laid but he realized he is out of condoms so he has to go to dick/gar to see if they have any (by the way i am sorry if it is annoying that i always send in msotly jason thoughts)

Don't worry! I love shitposting about Jason lol

He had you on his bed, looking sexy with your legs spread just for him. God, he loved that view.

"What are you waiting for, an invitation?" You tease, running two fingers down your clothed core, applying enough pressure to make you whimper." I need you so bad, Jay."

"Oh shit, babe" Jason smiled, a rush of adrenaline hitting him hard and he waste no time to go for that condom he always keep on his purse.

The only thing was that the 'condom pocket' was empty,and if he remembers correctly he hasn't bought any. "Goddamn it!" Jason curses under his breath, clicking his tongue in frustration.

You stop your movements, ready to tell him that you could do this another time, but Jason doesn't even let you say a thing." I'm gonna be back in a minute, I promise."

And he disappears through the door down the hallway, ready to put his pride aside and ask for help. The things you do when you're trying to get laid...

The first person he bumps into is Gar," Dude you okay?" The green haired boy ask, unplugging one of the earbuds he had on.

"Do you have a condom?"

Jason's sudden question takes back Gar, who frowns and mutters a confused 'no', and Jason rolls his eyes." Of course you don't, fuck. I don't even know why I asked you."

The second one he looks for is Hank, he knows he must have at least one lying around, besides it would be less painful than go and ask Dickhead for help.

"I hate these people so bad." Jason grunts in frustration. He looked up and down and the damn Hawk wasn't home, and then it hit him. Hank was in a date with Dawn, and they wouldn't come back any time soon.

And Jason exhaled, running his hands through his locks as he makes his best effort to accept defeat.

He needed to go to Dick and pray God he made justice for that dumb nickname of his.

Jason found Dick in the gym, he was beating the shit out of a poor punching bag and for an instant Jason felt like his spirit was being beaten up the same way. This was so against his morals.

"Hey, Dick. I need to ask you something." Dick stopped with a huf as he grabbed the punching bag to make it stabilize.

He nodded at Jason, a sign for him to go on.

Jason scratched the back of his neck, ego caught up in his throat." Do you, uh- do you have any condoms?"

Dick sighed, pricking the bridge of his nose briefly." We've talked about this," Jason rolls his eyes." It's important for you to keep a reserve of those kind of things because-"

"Dude is the first time I ask you for one! Geez " Dick persuades his lips in a thin line, that stern look of his already settling on.

He tries to have patience with Jason the same way he has patience with other two, but he doesn't like being interrupted and Jason is the only one who constantly rubs wrong that pet peeve of him.

"So can I borrow a condom...please?" Dick rolls his eyes at his little brother, walking to his gym bag and pulling out his purse.

"Here, " he handles him one." Be more responsible next time."

Jason pretty much snatches the rubber out of his hand, smiling in victory before running back to his dorm." Sure thing, Dickhead!"

[gffa]

hey there! coming from a teenager who loves your blog, there’s something i’ve been wondering for a while: how do you have so much time? this isn’t judgemental or anything, i honestly just want to know what i’m doing. if you aren’t finding art or comics or reading books and posting a screenshot, you’re writing whole essays or replying to asks or adding onto posts with a whole number of your usual well thought out paragraphs. it’s perhaps a little enviously that i, awestruck, ask how you do it?

“what i’m doing.” doing WRONG doing wrong that’s what i meant to say. i’m sorry, the previous ask probably comes off baffling otherwise😂💛

Hi!  Honestly, a lot of it just comes down to practice and multitasking.  That and I might seem like I’m doing more than I am--almost all of my blog is run on a queue, so I may seem active throughout the day like today for instance, but I’ve really only been around for an hour or so, the rest is just posts I shoved in my queue.  It’s not that I can’t spend several hours on tumblr stuff (I do sometimes!), it’s just not as much as it might appear! I read books during my commute or listen to audiobooks while I do on-line stuff or while I’m cleaning, I’m reasonably fast at writing the kind of meta or shitposts that I want to write, I don’t do fancy gifs so I can put together a set in like 10-15 minutes if I’m just making them for a meta’s sake, etc.  I’ve got my stuff organized so I can just dive right in, like I have a folder on my computer just for book screenshots and a folder just for comic screenshots and I’ve streamlined my process of dumping the files in there for when I’m ready, then whipping through them quickly when I’m in the mood to liveblog something.  And I have my sources lined up, like I have Hoopla or my library ready to go whenever I hop over there, so I don’t have to spend a lot of time hunting content down. And a lot of that just comes with time, I’ve been at this for a few years and it used to take me so much longer to put together a post!  Now, I’ve put enough Star Wars thoughts into words that I usually know what I want to say and what words I want to say it in within, like, half an hour to an hour.  Responses or tag spirals are just a handful of minutes because I’m hip-deep in the kind of jokes or commentary I want to make.  I don’t have to delete and rewrite parts of posts as often because I have strong views of what I think and practice at putting them into words.  I don’t have to search for the quotes I want to cite as much because I’ve used them often enough that I can remember which ones I want better or I look them up in the document I put together. In contrast, it takes me two-three times as long to write a Tolkien meta piece that’s not even half as in depth because I have to look a ton of stuff up or I have to reread everything so much more carefully, and it’s a slow process! It just comes down to time and practice, for me and I’m pretty sure that it’ll come for you as well.  Even in non-SW fandoms (like Tolkien!), I’m faster than I used to be, because I’ve practiced at phrasing things the way I want them, like a writer gets better at writing the more they do it, or an artist gets better at drawing the more they do it.  It’ll always take effort and be frustrating at times, but you will get better at it and it won’t take as much time as it does now. It might seem like everything is a ton of work for you right now (if you’re like me, that is! XD) or that it just takes so long, but eventually you will find ways to make your process more efficient (like it’s nothing for me to clip out a book quote from my folder because I’ve done it a thousand times, I practically do it with my eyes closed now) and you will gain practice at how you want your post structure to sound and you won’t have to think about it so much and you’ll find yourself writing an entire essay in half the time and so you’ll do another one, as long as you have time, and you’ll like like you have all the time in the world, but really you’re just spending as much or as little time on-line as you always have!  Fandom, for all that it is a hobby, is one that’s also a skill, just like knitting or crocheting or reading or writing.  The more you do it, the more you’ll find your groove with it!

[glowinggator]

Cuddles - All Turtles

Request: Hi I really like you writes! keep up the good work, I was wondering if you could do a rottmnt cuddle Imagines? If that's fine?

Pairing: All Turtles! (Non-Poly) 

Content: Fluffy as FUCK. Brush your teeth after you read this, cause it’s sweet as hell. 

Raphael: 

He loves to cuddle! But...he’s nervous. He doesn’t want to prick you with one of his spikes, or...worse. With his brothers, it’s different! They’ve got hard shells and plastrons, but you’re so... squishy! What if he hurts you? 

He gets so happy about casual touch. Putting you on his shoulders? Throwing his arm around your shoulders? Affectionate hair ruffle? He’s the physical embodiment of :) 

If you want full cuddles, though, you’re gonna have to be the one to initiate it the first few times. He’s just too nervous, otherwise. 

Rest your head on his plastron when you’re watching a movie and he’ll melt. 

Seeing how your arms maneuver around his spikes to embrace him, how gingerly you hold him...Maybe it’s possible. Maybe you two can cuddle without getting any boo boos.

He can’t really lay on his back because of his spikes. He’ll either get stuck that way when his spikes inevitably get embedded into the material, or he’ll shred up whatever he’s laying on.

(He’s banned from the beanbag chairs.)

He wants to be the little spoon so bad, but it’s physically impossible. He’s forever bound to big spoon duty. He’s okay with that, though. 

(One time you showed up wrapped in mattress foam and bubble wrap to try and be the big spoon. It's a very fond memory, even if you were padded too stiffly to actually hold him.) 

He likes to rest his head in your lap. Run your nails along his head or shell and he’ll be asleep in no time.

He won’t lay on your stomach or chest though. He really wants to, but he’s afraid he’ll crush you. There’s no debate with that topic, unfortunately. 

He’s such a good big spoon!! He’s so strong, and he cradles you like you’re the entire world. Because you are! 

He likes to rest one hand on your stomach and tangle his other hand with yours. It’s so cool to look down and see how his spikes cradle you. Almost as though you were a treasure encased in barbed wire, protected from the outside world. 

You always feel so safe when you cuddle. I mean, it’s hard not to when you’re cocooned in 1000lbs of muscle and spikes!

His hold is firm, but noticeably gentle. 

He runs pretty warm, compared to the rest of the turtles. Great in the winter time, not so great in the summer.  

He traces little doodles on the back of your hand. You can never tell what they are, though. And he won’t tell you what they are, if you ask.  

(They’re dogs.) 

He’s not coldblooded, due to the way he was mutated. As such, he doesn’t really have any issues regulating his body temperature. He does find himself seeking out heat sources, however! Donnie calls it a vestigial response. Raph absolutely does not care about no scientific names or explanations: he just knows that he likes to sit under the heat lamp in the morning.

Prepare to be his next heat lamp. 

If you come over in the mornings, prepare to be greeted with a very sleepy Raph the instant your feet hit the lair concrete.

He’s never on his phone when you cuddle.

He is a talker, though. He doesn’t quite whisper, but he definitely invokes the gentle voice. 

He falls asleep very quickly if he doesn’t keep himself talking. Your presence is just so calming to him, he can’t help it! 

He’s a very deep breather, and it’s really calming to listen to!

Unfortunately, he starts to snore about 15 minutes after he falls asleep. And he’s loud. 

You’ll get used to it, eventually. 

Donatello

He doesn’t sleep consistently, so full cuddle sessions are far and few between.

He read that fake rumor that Albert Einstein only slept for five hours a year: while it’s since been debunked, it’s stuck with him. He started training himself when he was little to power nap instead, and now it’s hard for him to get out of the habit.  

But..you’re a good motivator.

He’s a little nervous around the concept of cuddling, at first. He’s very touch-starved, and once you warm him up to the idea, it’ll be hard to pull him off you! But he’s incredibly nervous about it at first.

It’s...intimate, you know? He’s vulnerable, and that freaks him out.

His shell is super sensitive. Partially because it’s soft, but wearing his battle shell all the time has removed a lot of stimuli that would have made it less sensitive.

He reflexively rolls his shoulders when you run your hands along his exposed shell. At least, for the first few times. If you do it enough, it’ll quickly become a way for him to relax.

Likes to pull you to his chest and hold you like that. He usually has your head under his chin so he can scroll through his phone while you cuddle. He doesn’t move his arms much though, so it’s okay.

(He also likes it when you’re facing him so he can steal glances at you once you fall asleep. He thinks you’re even prettier when you’re completely relaxed.)

You’ll rarely see it for yourself, but his eyes get all soft while you’re cuddling together. The quietest, calmest smile graces his features when you’re in his arms.

However, you do notice how all the tension fades from his body, and how his breathing seems to slow down.

He’ll run his free hand along your back every now and then, pressing a quiet kiss to the top of your head.

He runs fairly cold, which is awesome in the summertime. He always lets you borrow his hoodies when you cuddle. If you ask nicely, he’ll let you keep ‘em, just so long as he has one or two in the closet.

His bed has super soft blankets, and they’re so nice to curl up in. You’ll probably stay there for a little while after he gets up, honestly.

He’s not a talker, surprisingly. Every now and then he’ll pull his arm back to show you some meme on his phone, but that’s about it. He’ll listen to you though! He actually really likes it when you mutter about whatever's on your mind while you cuddle.

King of “Uh huh,” “Wow,” “Mmhm,” and “Damn that’s crazy.”

He really is listening, though. He just likes to tease you a little bit.

His grip is either iron-tight or loose as hell.

On bad days he’ll curl up as the little spoon, and not even the gods could convince him to let go of you.

It takes him a while to warm up to the idea of being a little spoon. Both because his shell is hyper-sensitive, but it also kind of erodes that “bad boy” persona he’s got going on.

Once he’s more comfortable with it, he’s about 50/50 on it. He’s more likely to indulge himself on bad days, but it honestly just depends on his mood.

If you pull him away from work, you can bet that he’ll pull you to his chest while he’s sitting on the bed. He’ll lean forward to rest his chin on your shoulder as he explains his latest breakthrough. He shakes a little bit when he’s excited, and you can feel it as he holds you.  

He panics a little bit when he’s on his back, but he really likes it when you lay on his plastron, so...Chair cuddles!

He likes to have you in his lap while he works.

He also likes to kick his legs up onto your lap when watching TV. If you guys have the couch to yourselves, he’ll also lay all the way on your lap. If anyone sees you guys, or if anyone comments on it he’ll just hit ‘em with a very snarky quip.

“Okay, and? At least I actually have a partner :)”

You don’t know how he said “:)” outloud.

Leonardo 

He thinks he’s so smooth, but honestly? He’s such a dork.

He’s huge on touch. But cuddling? It’s a whole ‘nother ball game. He loves it a lot, but...he’s so vulnerable! It’s so intimate to him. He’s not adverse to it in the slightest; in fact, it’s the exact opposite! He’s super excited when the topic comes up.

You can tell that the idea of fully cuddling affects him more than he lets on, because he won’t stop talking when you bring up the subject for the first time. He rambles when he’s nervous.

(He talks with his hands a lot, and it’s really cute how he rambles and rubs the back of his neck.)

He’s actually a great cuddler, though.

Big spoon? Hell yeah. Little spoon? Awesome. Horrific entanglement of limbs that would put eldritch horrors to shame? Sweet! He’s just happy to be close to you.

He can go 50/50 on having his phone with him. If he does, he’s usually either watching memes with you or playing a mobile game.

(Kind of unrelated, but he was very excited about that weird, Subway Surfers revival that happened earlier this year. It was all he played for a while, and now you have the tune lodged in your brain forever.)

He’ll talk for a little while if he doesn’t have his phone, before you settle into a comfortable silence.

He’s either ranting about something shitty that happened that day, or shitposting. There’s no inbetween.

“If I shot someone from Texas while I was on the moon, would that fall under Texas’ jurisdiction or the moon’s?”

He also likes to trace little patterns on your hands, if he has access to them that day! You can usually tell what they are. Other times, it just seems like he’s finding an excuse to hold your hand. It’s really cute.

(If you ask him what he’s drawing, he’ll say he’s reading your palms before dropping a sweet little line about how he’s in your future.)

(He does NOT know how to read palms but it’s the thought that counts <3)

Not ashamed about cuddling in public. Hell, if you’re fine with it, he’s more than happy to cuddle during movie night. In fact, it’s kind of a source of pride for him!

He looks so cocky about it that Donatello has to make a physical effort to NOT hit him.

Please run your palms over his shell, he’ll melt.

If he’s the big spoon, squeeze his biceps. He might not say it out loud, but he’s melting internally. It sticks in his head for at least a few weeks afterwards. Ego Boost 100

If you’re ticklish, prepare yourself for tickles. He strikes without a pattern, and without warning. He doesn’t always do it, though. Maybe about one in ten times. He just likes to hear you laugh :)

He’s very nice to cuddle with overall. He’s the best cuddler in the lair, hands down.

Michelangelo

Literally the only one in the lair who isn’t embarrassed when you bring up the topic.

He’s been WAITING for this moment, actually.

Doesn’t care about whether he’s the big or little spoon.

He’s super talkative when he cuddles, it’s cute. He usually likes to spend this time talking about one another’s day. He’s a great listener too!

He’s always 100% engaged in what you have to say.

He has trouble settling down outside of his normal schedule, so it’s rare that he’ll fall asleep while cuddling.

If you’re in a position that gives his arms a lot of mobility, he’ll draw on you. Not just tracing patterns, but he’ll actually bring out his markers and draw on your arms, back, or just any exposed piece of skin.

He always manages to find the prettiest colors to compliment your skin tone. You never want to wash it off, honestly.

He HAS to keep himself busy with something, or else he’ll explode. At least, that’s how he describes it. If you try and get him to lay down and fall asleep...well, he’ll try! But he’ll be squirming the whole time.

It’s best to throw on a Jupiter Jim movie if you want him to stay still.

He likes to tangle his legs with yours while you cuddle. Whether he’s taller or shorter than you, he WILL find a way.

He’s the lightest out of all the turtles, so there’s a possibility of letting him (partially) lay on you without shattering your sternum! Congratulations!

(He’s around 525 lbs. He’s only half of what Raph weighs, but he still has to be careful about how he lays on you. It’s crazy to think that you’re so small compared to him.)

His hands are so cold, and he’ll absolutely use that to his advantage. If he gets bored, or if he just wants to make you laugh, he’ll grab your waist with his cold fucking hands. Hope you’re a northerner <3

He also likes to tickle you, way more than Leo.

Don’t try and tickle him though, he HATES it. He’s absolutely the type of person to just Scream if you try.

Like I said, he gets bored really quickly. He also just likes to make you laugh.

If you’re cuddling in bed though, like right before he falls asleep? It’s so nice.

He’ll still tangle his legs with yours, but he moves so much slower. He loves to let his hands lazily roam across your form as he pulls you closer to him, savoring the comfort and heat that you bring. If he talks, it’s in drowsy whispers that only you two can hear.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Tim wearing glasses would include:

tim unnecessarily pushing his glasses higher on his nose whenever kon gets him flustered

jason constantly plucking them off his face bc he likes being a little shit and holding them above his head while tim growls at him to give them back

tim’s glasses fogging up the first time him and kon made out in one of bruce’s cars

dick constantly reminding tim to clean his glasses bc they’re all smudged and there’s no way he’ll be able to see but tim never ever listens

kon running his hands through tim’s hair bc its really soft and getting kinda long and he loves to play with it but he accidentally runs his hands too close to tim’s ears and knocks the glasses off instead

the night before tim’s birthday one year damian stole them and splattered the frames and rims with paint and put them back before tim woke up and when tim found out he loved it like seriously they used to be plain practical black but now it looks so cool

kon pouting when tim removes his glasses when things start to get a little heated because tim’s all like “remember what happened last time?” and kon’s like “but you looked hot in them”

tim giving in every once and a while and keeping his glasses on while they have sex because 1) he actually likes to be able to see what’s happening and B) he really likes seeing the wild look in kon’s eyes while he wears them

steph steals his glasses and proclaims very very loudly “oh my god tim you’re blind”

kon hiding tim’s contacts on purpose so he has to wear his glasses bc he looks cute in them

whenever tim just forgets to wear his glasses and walks around the manor seeing everything as vaguely fuzzy coloured shapes and doesn’t feel like actually putting in the effort to put them on cass always finds them and slides them on his face for him

tim cursing when his glasses get broken but it’s cool because kon just uses ttk to fix them hush its totally possible the strength of ttk knows no limits and one day he convinces kon to say “oculus repairo” before mending the broken glass and it makes tim laugh so hard he cries and kon doesn’t understand until during young justice movie night they watch harry potter and kon gives tim the biggest bitch face ever

bruce has like a thousand spares for tim’s glasses when he’s not with his friends bc goddamn that boy breaks them far too much and unfortunately no one in the family has powers to fix them

after that one birthday, every time tim breaks his glasses and gets new ones he puts them in damians room. the next morning without fail they show up on his desk all paint splattered. theres a different colour combination or design every time

tim passing out doing research or casework and his glasses riding up crookedly on his face and kon removing them gently (but not before taking a pic)

every time bart whooshes around somewhere the force of it and the gust of wind from it either mess tim’s glasses up on his face or knock them clean off and tim always gets super annoyed, but bart thinks its funny and does it as often as he can

kon massaging the little impressions of tim’s glasses on the bridge of his nose after a long day

cassie sometimes tucking flowers into tim’s glasses when she can bc it looks cool and tim always complaining that he’s not a hipster, cassie but secretly he also thinks it looks cool

kon also stealing tim’s glasses sometimes and trying them on and sometimes he looks super cute and tim just wants to boop his nose and other times he looks so fucking hot tim immediately starts taking his clothes off growling “bedroom now.”

whenever tim looses his glasses, alfred will always find them

kon staying over a night after a particularly exhausting mission and when they get to one of their bedrooms they just collapse in it and go to sleep and kon carefully removes tim’s glasses to set them on the nightstand before kissing tim goodnight and wrapping him in his arms

guys i’m such a sucker for tim wearing glasses its my new favourite thing oh my gOD ITS ADORABLE AND CUTE AND AHHHHHHHHHHHH

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