#love is inevitable even when you dont believe youre deserving of it

[nikothebookdragon]

fuck, bears in trees were right. i stayed for tea and you know what? it did do wonders for me. and my friends? they do keep me safe.

[manicpixiedckgirl]

one thing you have to get ready for as a trans woman who's about to come out is certain cis people are going want nothing to do with you afterwards. we all know this, we all talk about this. transphobes going transphobe

but what i dont think we talk about enough is you need to be prepared for a second wave of this. it will come later. it's not tied to anything body change or surgery or whatever.

trans women are treated so poorly by society that we inevitably shrink. we learn how to exist in the spaces that will have us, even if that means cramming ourselves into boxes that don't really fit, being treated in ways we often don't like, doing things we often don't like doing, often even fucking people we don't want to fuck.

at some point, you're going to learn to stand up for yourself. i don't say this to scare you into thinking you'll become a 'mean trans girl' or whatever. but just like transitioning in the first place, it's change or die. you found the first safe harbor and fashioned your anchor to it but you can't go on living with people who don't respect you, working a job you're too smart for, living a life you don't really love.

and when you do, there will be cis people in your life who only liked that meek, quiet girl who would do as she's told. some of these people were malicious, doing it on purpose because they've known enough trans women to know who's vulnerable. some are doing it unintentionally, believing themselves to be a good ally, you've just gotten angry and bitter (this one hurts the most). and some just plain won't like the person you really are, having only known the people pleaser they got to know.

but it's change or die. if you're not you, you're not living. there are so many better people just waiting to love you, but you won't find them chasing after cis approval. and girl, i promise you, you deserve so much more than what you're getting right now. be strong. you've been strong before. i love you.

[austinsastrology8991]

> Saturn ASPECTS < and why you ain't getting the respect you deserve Saturn puts you in shitty cycles/ patterns to make you; by breaking you > and when you inevitably return to these struggles, you'll realise you've mastered his circuits

yes i had break, im back now. so get over it.

Saturn aspecting Sun - loosen up. but everytime you do, something else fucks up. so now your the most rigid person. its hard to have a good time with yall, because you take things so seriously, but damn do you exceed when shit needs to be taken seriously - because your so careful in your movements 🚶‍♂️. they tend to have a habit of stating the obvious then smirking about it, which is so confusing because like we all knew that, but why you acting like you did something? this type of shit is why people struggle to chill around you, but ill ask for your advice about real shit because your obsessed with being an authority and like thats the only way to approach you guys without getting iced by you Saturn aspecting Moon - Stop crying. oh wait i meant to say; start crying. jesus you got some fucked up villainous back story but your stone walling everyone because it hurts too much to even open up to anyone. because i mean whats the point? if everyone is just going to tell you "its going to be okay" when you never feel okay. feels bad man, and you know better than most how bad feels.. man.. so i guess saturn wants you to accept how cruel the world is, and how that affects everyone, so you are more prepared for bad circumstances then most. hardly a positive spin, ik.. but its to prepare you for your future. and you have no idea why you must go through so much pain - but there is a reason, and it will become clear later, so better utilize that energy to your benefit; because its just another one of saturns bitch cycles

Saturn aspecting Mercury - when you speak, people try there best to one up you, but your a master at it by now > passive aggressive, or authoritative - who gives a fuck if you belittle the other person, because i mean if your right, then you right. so better off writing it into reality, rather than watch everyone clown around with the wrong answers. but speaking ths way to others, really does make it hard to talk to you, even if you right, your just a fkn asshole. so honestyl. stop trying to figure out the right answer, and think about whats the right thing to say. stop pretending to be an authoritative speaker if no one even wanna listen to you, and start owning what you say more. Saturn aspecting Venus - joecly flores on repeat. okay i get it. you dont believe in love, because you see it how it is. well. its not actually how it is. youve ruined all your chances of anyone ever gonna love you because you think being all cold and mysterious is attractive (and it can be) but i mean who tf wanna love someone like that. its like riding a bike uphill. i mean i dont wanna do that. like these people are always attractive, but their attitude is so hard to ignore, its like trynna make a spider smile. thats why people reject you more than anythng else. and Ik that your just trying to find the real ones, but guess what, everyone that ever talked to you/ flirted with you, liked you.... oh thats too shallow or optimistic? my bad Saturn aspecting Mars - I never do anythng right ;(((((( well you actually do a lot right, but your always doing too much. your so obssessed with perfection and being a high achever that you've forgotten everything you've achieved becayse your so focused on the next one. if you just reflected on how much you work; in comparison to most, youd realize you are big achiever, and you dont understand reality as well as you think. well okay you do undersatnd reality extremely well (because you try so damn hard lol) but you've lost your sense of self because you still dont think your worth it till you achieve the next thing- hence the cycle of working yo ass off - but hey you'll achieve a lot, you just need to perfect your perfectionistic tendencies -then youll finally be perfect! (get it) Saturn aspecting Jupiter - i think this aspect is one of the coldest. because these people try so hard, but get no where for the majority of their life. till they change perspectives and realize if they try harded else where, they'd get launched into success. i mean the amount of people who are successful - and i mean hugely successful > have this aspect - and everytime it was due to massive luck. however only they could grasp the 'lucky' opportunity, and that initself makes their achievements so much cooler than others. remember its jupiter, so all your 'hardships' inevitably become your greatest 'luck'. the white guy from 'sean of the dead' has this, and look at how much he impacted movies in general... jus saying mad props to that guy and to yall

Saturn aspecting Uranus - okay these guys are outcasted from society hard, due to some bullshit, but when they get recasted back into civilization they become someone who can change society at large- but its gonna take so much work... their perspective has been molded differently to most because they've been alone for so long. they have strange ideas that somehow work into tangible assets. perfect example : eminem - i mean hes basically best case scenario with this aspect, but hey why not try for best case scenario? but then again he made that hamster song... so i mean not always best case scenario... THats the price of neglect you could say lmao. Saturn aspecting Neptune - your imagination is your greatest challenge but also the key to your ultimate glory. like Michael Jordan had this aspect and well he was hella delusional. until he wasnt.... but its hard to say how much this benefited him... because both stages of his life - pre glory - and; glory - he was heavily isolated from everyone, and (likely) suffered in seclusion, by placing so much importance on his dreams. saturn wants you to master the 'spiritual world' i.e. imagination and dreams, and this causes anxiety that their dreams will just be dreams. which is what makes them put so much effort into it becoming real... then they realize the price of it all when its too late. so just make sure your aware of what your manifesting because if anyone can make it, its you. (achieving ur dreams) Saturn aspecting Pluto - how powerless do you feel. you do realize people can see how thirsty you are for respect/power, because they can sense your insecurity from past exepriences, and thats why your easy to play with. but do not worry. you will attain true power with enough effort. not just a bullshit image of power. because you've been pushed into the most vile trials to have ever have existed, and its only so that when you become someone powerful, you utilize your power properly, and do not step on others, because you know damn well how much it hurts to be stepped on. so your power is > saturn. your trials are so intense, and you're basically broken, but things that are broken know how to cut others (like broken glass). and well saturn wants you to master this > pluto > the darkness. and it makes reaching the top so much more palpable, because you'd feel like you earnt it. but you can make others insecure about what youve overcame so you better be humble, or saturn will fuck you. no honour among thieves, and we know you experienced that, but the kings play different, and you gotta adapt or saturn will flatten you.

[guppybibi]

It's For The Best

𖦹 pairing: Kiyoko Shimizu x fem!reader

𖦹 word count: 843

𖦹 content: angst, i think?? Gay, very gay. not proofread ! i also dont know how weddings work..

𖦹notes: haii im a little inactive yes, but i just turned 14 yibee !! also school is coming up on the 29th so yeah..

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Cheers to Kiyoko, my first everything. My forever first place, best friend, home and regret. To me, meeting you will eternally be a mistake; because you couldn’t be my first love. First and foremost, we’re both girls. I can say that much. Now I watch you, walking down the altar as your delicate white gown follows you from behind, leaving a trail of your scent. As if to say, Kiyoko was once here.. Every accessory in your hair, perfectly adorning your elegant face. Just as I remembered.

It only felt like yesterday, you were walking down the school corridors, making people turn back as you passed right through them. Karasuno’s goddess, that's what you were. You made everyone’s heart throb just by the mere glimpse of you, and I’m no different. I’m one of your victims. From the day you gracefully entered the classroom, introducing yourself; I knew I was doomed. At first I shrugged it off, the both of us were no match anyway. I was a rose, beautiful yet when you come closer to me–I’ll harm you with my sharp thorns. You were a lavender flower, feminine and proper. So I didn't start anything with you, but the way your mole made you look so mature, the way your silky hair shines when we're out running for PE..It had me captivated, I was stuck in your web of madness.

But the odd part about this, is that Kiyoko seemed to return the feelings; which was rare for her nonchalant behavior. At first, you believed she was leading you on or something–doing this for some kind of bet or dare. Over time though, you came to a realization that it wasn't. You were treated differently, Kiyoko was a lot more carefree around you.

One look from Kiyoko and you’d melt in an instant, who knew all it took to tame a wild tiger like you were a mere girl? You learned a lot of things from her during the time you've spent together, more than you’d like to admit honestly. From simple activities such as cooking meals, studying together and likewise. Those things were nothing compared to learning how to love though, but can it really be considered love? Two people of the same gender shouldn't be in love after all, it's basic knowledge.

That meant that both of you silently knew that the inevitable would come eventually, yet you ignored it and acted like it wasn't right behind you two. What felt like a nice stroll down the street, turned out to be something unavoidable chasing you two down.

That day did come, sooner than the both of you’d like. It flashes through the back of your mind as you watch her say her vows with the sweetest honey-like voice you've ever heard, unlike the tone she used to speak to you on that day.

“Why won't you understand me Y/N?! Please, stop this already! I still want my best friend to be my bridesmaid someday, so please behave yourself!” She pleads, her usual confidently smooth voice replaced with this hoarse one. The ravenette could barely see through her glasses as of the moment, her eyes glossy with tears. “I just don't get it! Suddenly Tanaka’s back in your life and you're leaving me for him?! I need closure Kiyoko, I deserve an explanation!” You shout back, biting your lips to prevent any tears from spilling out. “Fine, if an explanation is what you want then that's what you’ll get. I won't sugarcoat anything.”

Which is how the both of you ended up sitting on the curb of a nearby sidewalk, slightly calmed down. “Please listen to me Y/N..Tanaka can give me the life I want, he can give me a family; children of our own, biological ones.” She explains, and the truth did really hurt. You wanted nothing but the best for her, but why did the ‘best’ have to ache this much? You could barely even speak after her explanation, you knew it made sense but her words left a bitter and sticky residue on your tongue that prevented you from speaking any further.

You walked out on her that day, walked out of her life. You never expected to even be invited to her wedding, it came unexpectedly after receiving an invitation. To be fair, the grudge you held against each other was long gone. Yet it still felt strange to see someone you had loved so much before, see you get married to another. Doesn't it?

With one swift movement and a clutch to your handbag, you turned over and spoke. “Let's go home.” Your husband quickly tilted his head in confusion, unsure on why you wanted to leave so early. But he knew better than to argue with his wife here. “Sure, cmon.” You never told him about the ‘thing’ you had with Kiyoko. You know he deserves to but he can live without knowing, he won't die from it.

Well your first isn't always your last anyways, and it certainly doesn't mean it's the best..Right?

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[halucynator]

END OF 2023

sorry to anyone who didn't want to be tagged xx

hi! most of you will know me as lucy (unless you're @m3ntallyunstable34 and know my real name lol)

so yes, i am lucy. and this is me reflecting on 2023 on tumblr because it seems like a logical thing to do considering this year sucked like 20% less (one of us is lying reference) because of all my amazing online friends. so yes i guess in a way this is a mutual appreciation post 🫶

@berryzxx you wouldn't believe me when i tell you you were the first mutual i didn't have to be all professional and got to be a crazy bitch with lmao so thank you for not judging me and talking to me like we're besties (we totally are btw bc i said so) mwahh

@longlivestv the loml literally owe my life to you bee 🫶🫶 you are one of the main reasons i'm friends with all of the people i will mention after, so tysm and thank you for being so sweet to me and i love flirting with you /hj ilysm 💗 also if im too young to fall in love why do you keep running through my brain? 😍😍

@loserdiaz one of the very few people i get to openly talk to and not feel weird doing it akshdasjhd ilysm april <33 and youre one of the only people i will ever admit has better pick up lines than me (thats a huge honour btw) so thank you for keeping up with me and flirting with me it makes me feel very special mwahhh and ily and we should totally snuggle by the fireplace you know i made those cookies you like (sab reference) 😍🫶

@weeping-in-the-willows thank you for being the absolute SWEETEST person to me <3 ilysm and btw you were my first discord friend and i'm so honoured about that ajshdnjfe you're so nice and ily and i hope you get everything you want

@theladyinwhite13 thank you for appreciating my unhinged comments and you're one of the few people who deserve to be told that they are funnier than me (i rarely ever give anyone this honour btw so its very special) and i think you might appreciate this reference 'so what if i just wanna be a little out of my mind'

@bodybetters and @its-tortle karo and tortle my beloved <3 ilysm you're like two of the BEST mutuals ever and i was so honoured happy excited (any other positive adjective) when i realised you followed ME back?!? i was literally so ajshdnjfe i can't even put it in words you're like my favourite people on this hellsite (affectionate)

@suugarbabe ajdhhgajsgf my pookie <33 you always stand up for me and ilysm for it youre the nicest to me what did i ever do to deserve you 😭❤️

@patrophthia omg the absolute sweetestt!! youre an angel and ilysm and i hope you have the best life every <33 ilysm thank you for being so nice to me and making me feel valued asjdhajksd i love youu

@theautistmwitch omg idk how youre still sane after hearing to my traumatising jokes 😭 ilysm mwahh❤️thank you for being so sweet to meee it makes me so happy <333 can't wait to traumatise- uh i mean make you laugh even more next year!

@kurtcobainsgreencardigan ajkshdad i had the time of my life 'bullying' [insert their name] (i dont wanna get cancelled yk just in case people actually like them) with you <33 [i mean you technically didn't 'bully' them but we bonded over that] you're so funny and sweet and ily<3

@catastrxblues nadine the loml <33 i LOVED chatting with you and ranting to you and reading your answers to my asks akgdskg im so glad to have you as a mutual and i would love to have some more ranting convos with you in the future haha asdhjhajsh ilysm mwahh <3

@nyctophile-me omg you're so sweet to meee 😭😭😭 ily you're like one of my favourite wives too you're one of the only people i will ever share sab with mwah ❤️❤️ id love to talk to you more next year <3

@magicandmaybe @andi-is-bored @alltheliars and @animallover4000 omg you're all so sweet and ily and we didn't really interact a lot this year but i loved chatting with you on discord 💕

@imperpetuallylost omg ilyy you're so unintentionally (or intentionally?) funny ahsjdnfne and i guess it's inevitable sorry sky but it looks like you (lea not sky) deserve to [redacted] goosebot and it's well deserved ajsjdjdne ily and id love to interact more with you next year <33

@london-affairs literally started talking to you like 5 days ago and we were flirting non stop that's CRAZYYYY ily btw pookie 😍

@m3ntallyunstable34 my literal best friend!! i absolutely love you mwah mwah mwah thank you for being my best friend and dealing with me for 12 years llama im shocked you're not insane yet ahsjsj ilyyyy ❤️

these are the mutuals that made me throw my phone across the room and scream in excitement when i realised THEY followed ME

also i will take this moment to thank all of you for making my year amazing and i love you all so much and i hope you have THE BEST 2024. thank you so much for being a part of my crazy blog i would never have imagined 438 people would find this silly little blog 🫶

@cassiopeiasdaughter @faultsline @underthenightskydreamsneverdie @theostrophywife @slytherinslut0 @imperpetuallylost @themidnightarcher @stvrlighhttt @psychedeliccc @prettybaby-grande @nqds @themidnightarcher @i-miss-you-im-sorry @cottoncandywhispers @svnflowermoon @finalgirllx @fallingforfictionalcharacterss @ashisgreedy @moonffe @suugarbabe @wordsarelife and @xobridgertonblues (i might've tagged some people twice sorryyyy)

[gracesimp]

WHATSUP GRACE, your 10/14 fic has me pondering....tbh I was going to comment this but I ran out of characters ahaaaaa. IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH OR IF YOU REALLY DONT CARE AKSKEIE it's just that your fic was amazing and it made me consider the lore implications it has on the series, because let's be honest: the multiverse is real, even if you don't believe it the fact that the theory exists proves it's point. That's how I think of it anyways. My point is that this story is totally real in another universe and so I HAVE QUESTIONS

first, did Tentoo stay in the parallel universe to be with Rose? Or did he stay and find an alternate Y/n? Would 10 have at all considered letting Tentoo stay to be with Y/n? Second, whY WHYWHY did he finally come back for her? Did 11/12/13 think of her? Did they visit her/check on her without her even realizing?! And third, more of an assumption, he broke up with her because he knew he was regenerating right? He must have figured that 11 was his last life if he'd already been through the 50th anni. Fourth, what does River think about her? Fifth, I love you

AHH IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT. There are a lot of holes that were mostly put up for interpretation but I'll try to clarify and rectify possible mistakes and questions the best that I can.

1) In this fic, tentoo gained the Doctor's feelings - moreso absorbing every remaining ounce of longing the Doctor had for Rose, unbeknownst to the Doctor. So naturally, the best outcome for all was Tentoo and Rose being happily placed together and left in the parallel world.

2) Prior to regenerating, the Doctor realised he no longer held love for Rose. instead, Y/n became a constant in his mind. He became regretful; full of anger. All pointed towards himself - leading to his inevitable demise. After his regeneration, he still thought of Y/n a lot, but everything he did to her made his hearts ache, so he'd push it away. Though, sometimes, against his better judgement, he'd land the tardis someplace quiet, and he'd watch her from afar.

Turns out Y/n's head wasn't playing cruel tricks on her with the taunting traces of the tardis' wheeze.

3) The Doctor didn't talk much about Y/n, too ashamed at himself for the way he'd treated her, though occasionally he'd accidentally slip up and mention her. Consequently, after their marriage, he told River all about her. And River could see the love and hope he held in his hearts for her. She was respectful and understanding. She even scolded him lightly, which he agreed he deserved.

But ultimately, the Doctor and River's relationship didn't change. Only with the Doctor being a little more withdrawn than in the show.

4) 14 was entirely devoted to Y/n. Internally, he had made a vow to never hurt her again. In this regeneration, he realised he had reverted to his former self because he had unfinished business with her. He desperately needed and yearned for his former fiancèe.

Y/n fought with her self respect and urge for travelling. Should she stay, knowing he was capable of mentally destroying her like he had before? Or should she leave before it was too late?

She took ahold on his hand, allowing him to giddly lead her to the tardis. Gradually, she let her walls slip, noting how different this version was. She no longer felt like a second thought.

And they both agreed that one trip just wasn't enough.

So, she did as she had done years before. She stayed, conscious that she may, as she had previously, live to regret that decision.

*Completely up to you if you want to decide they had a happy life, Y/n sticking around for the 15th, too. I like to imagine that was the case, but is anything really that easy when it comes to the Doctor?*

ILYSM TY FOR ASKING AND INTERACTING <33

[hanafubukki]

i’m literally gonna cry at how different lilia treated malleus and silver respectively 😭 even though i know it’s inevitable that lilia is a little more strict to malleus due to his future status as king, it still hurts so bad knowing how silver got the “fun dad” lilia 🫠 i love diasomnia so much and i absolutely adore reading your analysis of them!!

Hello Anonie🌺🌷💕,

YES! YOU GET ME ANONIE YOU GET ME.

The more I think about the dynamics of diasomnia the more I get hit in the feels, especially now that we see the inner workings of the four.

When you think about all that Malleus went through and all the expectations and how he just wanted a home and a family, it really breaks your heart. You know???

then you think about his relationship with Lilia and Silver and there is so much to just unpack. So much potential, especially as the story is unfolding and we learn more and more.

Thank you! 💕💚🌺 I'm so happy that you love my analyses of them. It really makes me so happy 🥹🥹🥹💚💚💜💜💜💕💕💕💕

(UTC as I talk more about diasomnia dynamics and rant a bit)

I really loved this post where I talked about the sibling dynamics with Malleus and Silver. Because I really do believe that Malleus was the older brother who got all the expectations on him and then as time went on, Lilia learned for the better (with the help of Malleus and the Zigvolts and some observation skills) and changed his way of teaching/parenting with Silver and Sebek. (not to say they didn't go through hell themselves because Lilia kept getting ideas from FMA)

Another reason why I have been so crazy about Diasomnia family is because I have been seeing this weird view??? Where people are stating that Malleus is not seen as Lilia's son and only Silver is????

Which I don't agree with at all. Both Silver and Malleus is precious to Lilia and vice versa so I don't see why I have been seeing they weird view of it.

I talked to a few friends about it and I think it mostly stems from people hating that Malleus OB'd and put everyone to sleep. Which is always a pattern I always see before they find out the backstory and then accept the character. (Also, there are some malleus haters out there and will say anything to make him look bad but I digress)

I really see no reason for there to be competition between Malleus and Silver in loving Lilia and he them.

As mentioned by @/curuxavermella in the same post I linked above

These are more instances that you can see Lilia care and love him.

It is also shown how Malleus also commented on them having to help Lilia parent Silver.

Hence, the whole Older sibling helping raise the younger siblings and how parents change in teaching style as they grow and learn.

I know people also like to mention how Lilia could be more of an uncle since Lilia grew up with Malenoa.

Which, while that may be the case, I dont think it describes enough the deep bond the three share. Uncles can also be seen as a father figure, you know?

Sleeping Beauty is about true love, and with the live action movie, it is about parental/platonic love too.

Then there's the fact that true love is needed to hatch the egg and Lilia might have been the one to give it the magic and love it needed to do so.

I really want to see this platonic love between all four.

We have seen it between Malleus and Silver, Silver and Sebek, Silver and Lilia, Sebek and Malleus, Malleus and Silver, and Malleus and Lilia.

I want it to be more expressed on Lilia's end. I want them to all hug.

I want lilia to acknowledge he has two sons and those sons to acknowledge their father figure openly.

I want Lilia to yell at them both about how much he loves them.

OH and can we talk about SEBEK????

THIS PRECIOUS CHILD who realizes that he has everything he could wish for and his dream was for others to be happy? For his childhood friend to be happy????

SEBEK deserves the world.

thank you again for sending this in Anonie 💕💚🌺💚🌺 As you can see, I became very passionate again ☺️☺️💚💚💚

Please feel free to send me more asks if you want to talk more about diasomnia family feels or about the different dynamics. I am always down to chat ☺️🥰💚

[dukesmebby]

summer child (s.h)

a/n: this has been the only thing on my brain for the last two weeks<3 this is based off of the song summer child by Conan Gray so please give that a listen if you'd like! I just couldnt stop thinking about this song is made for him. HUGE thanks to @translatemunson for being the damn reason this got done. also thanks to @munsonswife for helping convince me to post<3

warnings: i dont think there should be any but lmk! just steve being kinda in his feels tbh

You see all the flowers in the weeds

You're scared of the dark when you sleep

You cover up your arms with your sleeves

Even in hundred-degree heat

Your father was awfully mean

Steve doesn’t always trust easily, you know that, but he hasn't stopped trying to trust the people he meets these days. Always trying to see the good as a way to give him hope. You know the man standing across from you is not proud of how he has always treated people and that bothers him. You also know he would fight tooth and nail or even die for you and any of his friends in a heartbeat. You wish he knew you'd do the same thing for him. You know that he can hardly sleep unless he has his lamp on and the windows closed and curtains drawn. You don't even remember the last time he slept for more than three hours in a night. You also know from your years spent together he wouldn't dare try sleeping like that when his father is home. He doesn't usually sleep most of the time when his parents actually are home. To him the house doesn't feel like home unless Robin or the kids are there with him. What you don't know is that he doesn’t ever feel at home anywhere without you.

Your favorite color is green 

It reminds you of the summer you turned three

Runnin' through sprinklers on your street

And you laugh and you dance in the wind

And you sway and you hug and you kiss

He often thought about when he was a kid, spending summers with his grandparents while his parents were off on some business trip. A time when he was allowed to run around and have fun and honestly just be a kid. No stuffy cocktail parties that he had to dress up for and act like he wasn't a ten year old boy. A time when his Grandpa would practically have to drag him inside after a full day of playing in the sprinklers with you. The summer breeze blowing through the trees the two of you would climb, and inevitably you would fall out of. After he made sure you were alright and kissed your scraped up knees better the two of you decided no more climbing trees, at least not for you. He thought about how when you guys were older you would sneak out to Lovers’ Lake just to get away from it all together. After Vecna, he didn't think he would ever feel that happy again. He stopped believing that he might get to feel like that.

But there's darkness behind those eyes

Even when you smile

Oh, summer child

You don't have to act like all you feel is mild

You don't really love the sun, it drives you wild

You're lyin', summer child

You know that Steve doesn't like to let people see that side of him anymore, his softer side coming out in bits only you and the gang would see. When he would smile it never went all the way to his honey brown eyes. He wishes he could be like that all of the time but he gets so tired of pretending in front of everyone. You're just grateful to see him happy in the small flashes that you do. When you get to see the flash of excitement spark all the way up to his sweet doe eyes. You know he is still the same man behind all of the walls he has built, you just wish he knew that if he wasn’t he was allowed to be the new version of himself around you. You wish he knew it was safe to be vulnerable like that with you no matter what. You hope he knows he can be angry that his childhood was stolen from him. You hope he knows he is allowed to be sad that his parents were never around. You hope he knows he is allowed to be loved by you, he deserves it even. 

Aren't you way too busy

Taking care of everybody

To take care of yourself?

When the sun goes missing

Aren't the flowers just as pretty?

Aren't the oceans just as deep?

The trees as green?

He needs to take a break, you know it and he knows you know it. He has been running himself ragged trying to do it all. He's been picking up more shifts to distract himself while also agreeing to take robin to and school and helping Hop get his place put back together. He feels so much guiltier about trying to be Superman when he realizes he hadn't called you all week, and it was already Thursday. You don't even remember the last time he slept for more than three hours in a night. You know Steve has been trying to distract himself lately and frankly you'd had a lot of coursework to catch up on so you don’t mind that he hadn't called. That doesn't mean it didn’t have you worried. You don't remember the last time you saw him eat a real meal which just wouldn't do for you. You know he doesn't stop long enough to eat, you are usually the only person that can get him to hit pause and actually take care of himself. You need him to understand that we all love him even if he wasn't the hero everyday.

And as for me

I'll watch you weep

Oh, summer child

You don't have to act like all you feel is mild

You don't really love the sun, it drives you wild

You're lyin', summer child

Steve notices you acting a little bit different around him. He notices the fact that you start bringing him lunches on his breaks so that he's actually eating something. He notices when you offer to pick up robin or the kids so that he doesn't have to. He notices you hanging onto his arm for longer than usual on date night Sunday. He also starts to notice that when you're over hanging out with him and he falls asleep before you leave he doesnt wake up in a dark room. He wakes up with his lamp on and the curtains closed. It makes his heart ache and his stomach churn. He is starting to feel alot like a kid again, because of you.

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

🔥 give me two , one about shipping , one about following / unfollowing — all good if you don't have an ' unpopular ' opinion per se ! just happy to hear your thoughts

✧ ━━ 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃 "🔥" 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐍𝐏𝐎𝐏𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝙼𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂

I'm really glad you said that the opinion doesn't actually have to be unpopular because I have no idea what's considered a popular opinion or not (☛ ´∀｀*)☛ I know I'm always writing on here but I genuinely know nothing about anything on tumblr outside of the circle that I'm in, and I don't really take part of fandom except at cons. So I'll just list a few things I guess and we'll go from there ━

I don't like the idea of characters "deserving each other". I think what matters most is that the feelings are mutual and not one-sided. Not only that but sometimes people use this as a way to justify horrible things happening to said ship or between them? I dont know I'm just not a fan of the connotation.

Shipping real people feels ... icky to me, and like an invasion of privacy. I know a lot of idol/ k-pop companies push it, though. I'm not talking about "oh they look so cute!" I mean like ... 20+ minute analysis videos. If someone made one about me I'd be horrified so ━ I can't really support it being done to somebody else, even if it is innocent at heart, the feeling behind it is just ... not good.

I genuinely can't stand it when a ship that's going to inevitably be complicated and rather fucked up gets turned into a purely fluffy relationship. Granted I enjoy fluff as much as the next person, and anyone can show tenderness towards those they love, but my goodness please let the characters continue to be messed up.

Thaaat being said I can’t see any enjoyment in watching or reading two characters mercilessly abuse one another in a nonconsensual or purely hateful way. Play fighting, both being equally weird and mirroring eachother or general bickering doesn't count - obvs - but if a ship becomes abusive I'll step back from it. I know I know! But Egg you JUST said "keep the relationship and characters fucked up"! Yes! I did, and that doesn't mean that that messed up relationship is abusive or horrible for those characters specifically because its something they both enjoy/willingly take part in. Continuing about this because this is for my own tastes: Its okay to enjoy darker ships and toxic ships! This doesn't mean the person who is enjoying the content believes abuse is alright.

I find that stories that only revolve around romance tend to be extremely dull to me a lot of the time. There should be an idea of where the story is going without romance included, and if the ship comes along then it does. I think those are the ships that tend to feel the most natural since the characters interact without a specific romantic end goal in mind, which makes it all the more sweet when they do come to recognize their feelings as its come from them and not the destined plot ━ I just like it that way though and people can like whatever, y'know?

Possessiveness in ships is like ... very hit or miss for me in how it's portrayed. There's certain instances where its fun but others where it makes me wanna die. Mutual possessiveness/obsession though? Ohooho that is fun to play with, so long as it doesn't become abusive or unbalanced/unwanted by one of the parties. Man - tsk - idk anymore I feel like my opinion is so all over the place but like this all spins back to the toxic abusive relationships being a no no for me like as long as the insanity is consensual between two adults that both like it ? Yeah - that's fine. Does that make sense? I could probably go into stuff about Vladibin with this ( me and borb were talkin about it ) but I won't because I will go on forever and this is already WAYYY longer than I originally intended.

As for unfollowing it's ... whatever to me? There's obviously mutuals that if I lost I'd be really confused/wondering what happened + sad about it but I would still keep my distance; but for the most part I'm unaffected by it ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I used to care a lot but I grew out of that within like ... 4 months. I know people grow out of their likes and what they want to view, or that they assumed my blog was something else and upon it not being what they wanted, unfollowed - which again, is valid! I don't know I just don't think unfollowing is anything personal ( like, 95% of the time ofc there's always the small percentage that is ). Don't harass people who block you or try to get around the block, things we've heard a thousand times. ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ̀ˋ I think though, that if you have been mutuals/friends with someone for a while and plan to unfollow - I think it would be most polite to message said friend to briefly explain why; especially since so many of us have anxiety sometimes it seems like an unfollow means the other party hates the other. It's just nice if you have a history with someone, not necessary, just polite (ง ื▿ ื)ว

[axellis-archv-2]

confession, hugs, and love letters for ANDREW CHRIST

sorry in advance if this starts bleeding into nortdrew kin shenanigans its not my fault donnie i hope the wizard weed makes you a master linguist when you answer MY ask

confession — how’d the confession happen, and looking back on it, what are your (and f/o’s) thoughts abt how you both were back then?

jeeesus christ. like jesus christ. no pun intended when i say this but andrew would take his feelings to the grave than actually say anything so itd have to be genuinely life-or-death that anything got said. likeim talking hes about to be launched and im trying to save him kind of life-or-death. hes slowly bleeding out life-or-death. im cradling his face and hes hiccuping and sobbing because despite how much hes been told that he doesnt deserve to live and how much he thinks he believes it he doesnt want to die kind of life-or-death.

so when he inevitably breathes in again and realizes hes alive and back at the manor again and he confessed his love hes like. okay. im going to pretend this never happened. and i Will Not Let Him. i am actively gripping at his wrists as hes trying to walk away from me and im telling him "please listen to me." and hes not looking at me because he'll start crying again if he does but also he's not actively bolting so he wants to stay? hopefully? and im like fumbling my words trying to tell him that i wouldnt be trying to acknowledge what he said if i didnt also feel the same. that i didnt also love him.

i think afterwards i dont even know if hed like. i think sometimes he'll have moments where he thinks he made up that whole confession and he's somehow conning me into liking him but it washes away the moment i unprompted go and give him a little kissy. i think my only 'regret' so to speak is i wish the confession wasn't soo like. sad . i wouldve wanted a celebration. i almost typed fireworks and then deleted that so you can imagine the norton is kicking in

hugs — are you and f/o affectionate / open about your relationship in public?

ohhrhhghh god we got another person who holds pinkies but this time i think its because andrew gets pretty overwhelmed easily which doesnt help that im #goldenretreivermode sometimes on him so i like tackle hug him and kiss him bunches and he just kind of freezes. he doesnt HATE it or anything he just responds like that . i think theres definitely a couple times where he asks very quietly if he can kiss and i always say yes and half of the time he asks if i can close my eyes because "i can't handle the way you look at me like that" .

but once he kind of warms up and gets used to just...someone actively wanting to be physically affectionate i think he really really really really loves hugs. a good strong hug has him melting and gripping back like hes worried im going to get swept away in the wind. and it becomes something he actively starts seeking out way more and (!!!!!!) eventually its something he just kind of does. not really necessarily a hug but he does like wrap himself around one of my arms a lot of the time. especially when he asks for kisses.

but as for publicity. he would sooner die than have someone witnessing a very private and intimate moment like that. at MOST in public is a very tender hug after a tough match, especially if he really really needs it. but everything else is in the comfort of our own shared space

love letters — are they good at expressing how they feel? what’s their best way of letting you know they love you?

short answer: NAUR

long answer: hes really bad at getting to sort of the root of how he feels. he tends to layer everything he says with a sense of "but only if you feel the same and i understand if you dont, im a monster" so thankfully im kind of already aware that he does, in fact, love me.

his best way of actually relaying how he feels is moreso his actions, which is sooo its something considering hes really shy and cant even really bring himself to kiss but i guess i mean more like what he does outside of physical affection. i truly think his love language is acts of service and it kills me every time. :AGONY:

he lets you vent out frustrations, bodyblocking attacks to make sure youre safe, sewing things....the sewing especially gets me i think he likes doing it a lot and its one thing you especially notice when he starts taking a shine to you. i could assume a shirt is ruined for good only to find the next day its in pristine condition neatly folded in a little basket that has some bread because hes noticed i hadnt left to go to the eating hall in a while.

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

i realized one of my biggest pet peeves is self deprecation

cause like, when you dont like yourself, kindness feels weird and uncomfortable, bc you think you dont deserve it. so you refuse to accept it without deflecting, or even outright telling ppl theyre wrong, so you can block it out and not have to think about why ppl would be kind to you of their own volition, or why you think you dont deserve that, and then confront the source of your self hatred.

and like, sometimes people are just willing to accept that you dont like compliments, so they stop bc they dont wanna make you uncomfortable. but usually, its just frustrating to be kind to someone you care about, only for them to throw it back in your face, and then laugh it off before you can continue being genuine. people notice when you deflect, but they cant aknowledge it if you dont, which is the point, so when you cut them off and play dumb before they can ask if youre okay... theyre gonna do what youre trying to get them to do, which is to stop.

but even once that happens, its still just common decency to counter someone when they openly insult themselves. so like, when you put yourself down and people rush to lift you up, and then you go, "oh, people only compliment me because they feel bad, bc im making them feel bad, which means i must be right, i really do suck", it just confirms everything you already believe. and then you keep actively discouraging ppl from being kind to you in any other situation than when theyre trying to stop you from being nasty to yourself, and you keep seeking out temporary validation in the form of reassurance that you dont actually value or believe anyway since what youre actually chasing is the confirmation of your self hatred, not the counter to it.

its a self fullfulling prophecy and youre setting yourself up for failure, bc when you dont respond well to being complimented, you dont respond well to criticism either. theres a difference between willingness to hear, acknowledge, and work on your flaws, versus self flagellation. and people arent going to be forthcoming about any issues they really do have with you, if they know youre only going to blindly add it to a stack of insecurities that you punish yourself for in equal measure, because you dislike yourself so much that you consider everything to be a symptom of your Being A Bad Person, rather than just…what they are. which is individual, inevitable, human mistakes that become a pattern when left unexamined.

and its so frustrating to be made complicit in that, because no matter how much the responsibility is foisted upon you to teach someone emotional maturity that they're actively running from, you cant love someone twice as hard to make up for how much they insist on hating themselves.

[huraiyra]

actually thinking ab that post ab how every good story talks ab the meaning of life is love and it got me thinking. sorry Vent is a zombie now I dont like using it as much so I'm saying annoying personal long things here too. looking down at what I wrote this is an ESSAY I'm sorry if you scroll fast it will be over quick

ANYWAY BUT. thinking about how I hated love my whole life bc I'm autistic and can't perceive love and I've never and likely will never be in a romantic relationship. HOWEVER all my stories are about love... but what IS love...?

I'm thinking about how most of my stories started when I was 12-16 and getting accustomed to an upcoming lifetime of dysthymia and also bc I was a Teenager, and so I wrote as much angst into my stories as possible. I wrote characters with no childhoods, ones who died and were resurrected without really being sure if they wanted it, suicidal ones, ones that were evil or broken and didn't feel like they deserved anything good, and ones that are alone forever.

and slowly slowly their lives have been permeated with love. the 22 year old with no childhood with all sharp edges and rigidity learns to release the tension between his eyes when he feels it. he isn't cured of his PTSD, but he allows himself to cry and sometimes even smile. isn't that love? the characters who came back to life spend it doing whatever the hell they want—maybe they don't save the world, but they sleep or wear pyjamas all day, watch as much TV and play as much video games as they can, eat and cook new things or just junk, try to be healthy, and hang out with each other. you don't have to do something amazing with your life, it's enough to just enjoy whatever you like. isn't that love? the suicidal one learns to listen to his thoughts on good days and sees that his place in the universe is inevitable and takes antidepressants that work and takes in and finally accepts all the good things around him when he's finally safe. isn't that love? the evil and broken ones find a friend who doesn't think they're all that bad at all, and actually thinks they have pleasant traits that have nothing at all to do with bad or good. people can be pleasant and worthy of love even if they kinda suck. isn't that love? and the ones that are alone forever, whether due to perceived isolation or real, find something about themselves to like and fight for, which lights the hearth of their life. no one needs to love you forever, not even yourself. but if you are on your own side, you will never be truly alone. isn't that love?

in my life I feel like everything sucks and I suck and everything will suck forever. my stories are like yeah true, but let's focus on the nice things. it's something I can't do IRL but can't help but do in my stories. there's so much emptiness and guilt and longing... but in my stories you can't help but notice the pink tupperware, the purring kittens, the soft blankets, the caring kind friends, the hugs given, the extended hand in peril, the stranger's smile on the street, the penny on the ground, the clouds drifting, the grass between your fingers, the understanding of the self, the ad-hoc therapy sessions, the acceptance of your past and looking towards the future. I can't believe any of this matters in real life but my God it's all that matters in my stories.

stories about the inability to ever return to who you once were and a gaping empty void of a future and pain in every step and characters that are distraught and aghast with the weight of their miserable miserable lives... they are full to the brim with love. the smallest tiniest bits of love are somewhere, everywhere. and what is love? I'm sorry, it's not all romantic. love is life. love is everything in existence. love is in mundanity and pain and happiness and death as well. love is every joy you will ever have no matter how brief or pointless and it is also around when you are unable to perceive anything but despair. all my characters no matter what trauma my 15yro self gave them have love in their lives and will thrive.

one day I will look back at my writing and relate fully not only to the hopelessness but also to the love in everything. maybe it will be while I am alive, soon in the future, in a house of my own and living a life of my own (I hope that will be a time I can feel love), or maybe it will be when I am dead and God lets me read my little stories to the angels. either way. made me think. love is life. the meaning of life IS love. life is made of it, love. glad I was able to capture it in my writing without even thinking. some day I'll feel it myself.

[berryunho]

pls i typed that ask at like 4am after the show i’m so surprised i got that many details bc half of the show feels like a blackout i literally ??? have videos of wooyoung that i don’t remember taking so when watching those i was like ah. wooyoung bias indeed i love him <3 AND LISTEN I GET WHAT UR SAYING but the loyal lifestyle just. isn’t for me. i’m loyal to atz only (not even) bc hj would k word me for LoOkInG aT oThEr OpPaS but. wooyoung. is a menace. he deserves the slander sometimes /lh

AND ! no one gets me the way san does bc WOOYOUNG’s hair is black when i wanted oreo but san did everything my delusional little brain manifested (aka wear the outfits i wanted him to) like ?? there is no way there won’t be an era of me having san as my bias </3 like listen.. i don’t wanna be delulu and stuff.. even tho i might be a little.. but a while ago i said i wanted san to wear sage green for a layout that i never even made.. n literally the next day he was on the radio or something wearing a green cardigan.. tell me he’s not meant to be my bias u literally can’t

also when i first started stanning atz it was wooyoung who pulled me in !! and weirdly i stayed loyal for a LONG time even when hongruella looked THAT fine during the last tour (literally. saw hongruella in the flesh on my bday. imagine. how did i stay loyal) but i always thought it was a bit weird?? bc i usually gravitate towards the introverts for literally any group/artist (tho i.. only stan atz rn.. oop hongjoong u better jot this down rn i am the most loyal atiny ever/j) so i thought it was a little bit out of order for me to like and stay loyal to THE extroverted social butterfly.. but then my bias line was completed with both infps aka my mbti.. and it suddenly made sense dhsjsh i just ! gravitate towards san a lil now AND ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS CONCERT he’s truly one of my fav comfort ppl like.. he said something and immediately after i was like WRITE THAT DOWN!!! and opened my notes app to write it down LMAO my friend was like wtf are u doing and i was like uh. comfort words??

last thing before i nap… san shyly dancing to cyberpunk for us again during the concert.. take my heart RN sir it’s literally! urs ! and thanks hwa for making that happen i died a lil

anyway i’m good and i hope you’re good as well <3 mwah mwah -san anon

HI !!!!

4am !!!!??$))(# wow you were quite coherent for 4am im also surprised LOL BUT THATS SO FAIR I GET IT ADJKFLASKJF its inevitable to jump around when you're a kpop stan like when 8 lovable men are presented to you .... why have only one bitch when you can have five ! KJLFDKSJAFSLJKDF

PLS THE MANIFESTING AKLDFJSKDFJ i love it i am a huge fan of being delulu i think life is too boring if you dont let yourself have a little joke around every once in a while AND BELIEVING THAT COINCIDENCES ARE MANIFESTATIONS.... IM HERE FOR IT !!!

eheheh i enjoy learning this lore about you san anon... i agree you are very strong for being loyal despite hongruella on your bday like .... thats crazy .... like i got my american ass on an airplane and flew to germany last may to see hongruella in the flesh .... in a completely loyal to yunho way of course ! JAKDJFSDFLJK BUT omg that actually is pretty interesting !!! id say yunho very much falls in line w my usual bias "type" lol but its funny bc that Type is just. the Opposite Of Me. BUT ANYWAYS hehe i get it ! all of them are just so ... <333 and literally why have i never thought of busting the notes app out that's actually so smart oh em gee ....

but ehehe san is so funny like how are we gonna be shy sir !!! after everything !!! hehe i hope your nap was good <3 im quite good ehehe a little bit nervous ........ but overall good hehe anything else exciting going on in your life san anon? hehe mwahhhh

[caffeinatedopossum]

I honestly don't think I was capable of fully understanding how dangerous restricting was until after I had been in recovery for like 8 months already. And I sadly really mean that. I worry about you guys :((

[futureplayboibunnie]

‘Dessert’

Dr Strange x fem! reader

dear god what is wrong with me. this is so dirty.

its so ironic that i wrote abt cake like this when i dont even like cake.

MDNI. SHOOOOOOO GO AWAY BOOOOO BOOOOBOOOOOOO

Your blood was burning cold, you felt akin to that of a reptile hungry for revenge in any form. You were a patient human being, able to take just enough before inevitably snapping at whatever humdrum nonsense or incessant drivel. The man you love was testing that patience. Stephen was condescending and believed in a higher power that was himself at the best of times but today you just wanted to choke him the fuck out, not sexually but literally.

He had the nerve to insult your performance in bed this morning before slamming the door and leaving for the day to tend to his sorcerer duties or whatever the fuck. You knew it was a sick and twisted joke from the sick and twisted mind of Stephen Strange, , something you knew he would laugh at but you weren't laughing. He equated you to that of a fish out of water in bed and you immediately became self conscious at such a thing. You'd show him, get your sweet revenge in time and you couldn't help your mind think of depraved ways to get back at him and show him just how patient you were.

Maybe you could..No. Too cliche.

There's that thing... Nah, too depraved.

What if you..No way, that's too nice.

You slowly turned your head to acknowledge the Cloak of Levitation that was hung up on the coat rack, he really should take care of such an ancient and mystical relic and you were surprised that the intuitive fabric didn't follow him out of the door. Stephen had left in a huff and a hurry and you thought the Cloak knew not to follow him after both of you snarled venomous remarks at each other like two bullies on a school yard.

Maybe you could…Oh. Oh. Yes, that's what he deserves. What an inviting and delicious punishment, something so cruel yet so sweet.

You decided his fate for him.

—-

It was night.

Stephen was irate all day, his veins felt itchy like sandpaper rubbing against each other. You could be so fucking stubborn and headstrong, and that translated very well in bed but in real life it could be very challenging to even joke with you, he regretted that comment he had spewed out in a fit of anger. In fact, he's bedded multiple women and none of them came in the same ball park as where you were; he had never came that fast in his life when he first had you and it was almost embarrassing for him.

He was dreading heading back to the Sanctum, it was only you that was left there and it made his skin hot all of a sudden.

Stephen was rarely ever nervous, but you had this unmistakable effect on him; the kind that made him second guess everything he did. He found this need inside of him to impress you, even though you yourself didn't need that from him.

Stephen opened the Sanctum door with a defeated exhale, dreading the reprecussions of his earlier actions. Finally repeaing what he's sowing when you both enter an ever immortal screaming match of who is actually in the wrong. He quickly went upstairs first to get changed out of his sorcery clothes and put on a plain tee and some jeans. Padding away on the marble, he felt himself get heavy as he called out your name attempting to find where you were in such a vast archealogical landscape.

"Y/N?' He called out before ultimately finding himself in the kitchen.

He heard your breath and the sizzling of oil before he could register everything else, then his eyes finally flitted to you and his exhale caught in the confines of his throat.

'Yes dear.' You said with an overt sweetness in your voice, it was all synthetic obviously but he was more curious in the manner in which he found you.

To his surprise, you were cooking with a pep in your step, hopping around like you were a doting trophy wife tending to the food that was sizzling away in the pans. He could smell the waft of a hearty roast chicken and the steam of vegtables at first. The thing that made his chest heavy and his brain turn to mush was the fact that you were doing all of this naked, except for the thin fabric of your panties covering your modesty. What also caught him off guard was the fact that you were wearing his cloak. His cloak. His mouth involuntarily popped open slightly, his face could barely contain his confusion.

'Are you just going to stand there gawking or are you going to sit down? You must be starving.' You said with faux concern, a wicked sheen in your eyes as you stared at him like he was your prey, your little plaything. You motioned your hand to usher him to the kitchen island and take a seat on one of the stools.

Stephen's eyes were creasing with perplextion, he was annoyed, frustrated and incredibly aroused at stumbling upon you like this.

It was very clever indeed, such a fun yet tortourous way of punishing him for something so small. He knew you didn't care for atonement or turning over a new leaf, you were nasty and you were playing with your food. Toying with him just for the sake of it. He slowly made his way to sit infront of you, only the kitchen island getting in the way of your proximity.

As Stephen sat down, he fingers grazed over his face and lips remarking at the sway of hips to an annoying song you were humming.

‘Cloak, you've done enough. Thank you." You smiled at the fabric and it made it's way back on the rack. There you were, bare chest on display like you had no care in the world, your hair flowing and framing your face like that of a sex goddess. Your sexual prowess was truly commendable but your gall was other worldly.

Stephen was lost in his own thoughts the way he was gaping at you like a foolish and horny teenager, you cut the silence with a question.

'Stephen, can you get the chicken?' You bit your lip, all doe eyed and sweet but Stephen wasn't convinced you were doing this out of the kindness of your own heart.

He didn't have it in him to respond, he just followed your orders like a compliant little puppy. Sauntering his way around the kitchen island, he couldn't keep his eyes off of you. A magnet is something you were akin to. Stephen grabbed at the tray with the deliciously marinated and spiced chicken and placed the tendered meat onto the two plates that were positioned in front of the stools. You perked up and flowed the steamed vegtables from the pan and onto the plate too. Stephen had only just noticed that there was a cake on a stooled platter that was on the island also, he was too engrossed in you that he couldn't even sense its sweetness.

He leaned his two hands on the marble to rest his frame but before he could do anything else, you nudged your way infront of him and bent over.

'Excuse me.’ You said softly but there was a sinsiter breath to your voice.

Your ass was right where his crotch was, a knowing smirk tugged at your lips as he let out a stifled breath. You were vicious when you wanted to be and this was just another example of such a thing. You were busy with the task of adding sugary paper flowers to the cake and Stephen was pondering what to say to you.

He could just fuck you right over the counter.

'What do you think you're doing?' Stephen questioned lowly, in response you slowly grinded against him and it only made him that much more furious and in need to lash out. You were evil, revelling in his pain and arousal but again it was a fun little power play, you’re having your fun now…he will later.

'Dessert, you want a taste?' You turned to face him, a sweet blush applied at the apples of your cheeks and your lips which you were biting now.

"You could be dessert.' He responded without fully thinking, he couldn't hide his attraction to you even when he was mad, it made Stephen’s blood thin and boil.

'I don't think I'm sweet enough.' You replied bashfully as you got up and leaned against the counter, the nakedness of the small of your back hitting the cool marble. Stephen's arms trapped your frame and you felt stuck, your blood turned to glue and your organs into cement. Needing to get the plates out of the way because you knew what was coming, you reached behind your back to pull away at the plates and slide them away from your immediate stance.

Eyes were both locked in a endless perpetual abyss, a demented glint encasing both of your faces about the events that were about to unfold. He was not going to let you win him over this easily and you were not ready to forgive him either, not until he earned his cake. A prolonged shallow breath escaped his lips and Stephen's eyes were cast down to your tits, his eyebrows perked up and you rolled your eyes at his childish reaction, it was like he had never seen a pair shown so freely before.

'Cake?' He asked all coy and mischevious. Your eyes creased as his hand that was stuck to the left of you lifted to swipe at the cream at the top of the cake. His waved his finger infront of both of your faces to remark at. He knew exactly what he was doing. You nodded at a snail like pace, wondering where he was going with this specifically. Was it his turn to use your own tricks against you?

‘Open.' He demanded through hooded lids, eyes completely transfixed on the curve of your plump lips as they parted for him so eagerly.

Your tongue darted out and tasted the cream only tof fully fing hospice in your mouth, you suckled on the scarred rays of his finger and his small knowing smile portrayed a peek of his pearly white teeth.

'There you go, good girl.' He cooed at you. Once his finger was licked clean, you let go of it with a wet pop.

'I'm still cross.' You cleared.

"I'm still cross you can't take a joke.' He taunted.

'Mad that I tried on your cloak?' You pouted.

"Oh, I'm just irate.’

You couldn't even talk back at him due to him spinning you around like vertigo and grasping at your hair only to bend you down face first onto the counter. The coolness of it shocked you at first, an exhasperated whine rolling off of your tongue in the process, but then he spanked at your ass which made you go ballistic.

"Cocktease.’ He whispered through clenched teeth, you could literally hear the pressure hissing from it. He pulled down at your underwear harshly, the elastic burning the back of your impatient thighs, you felt a tingle shiver through you at such a harsh sensation.

"Your fault.' You breathed out raggedly.

Stephen was charmed at your ferocity, but ultimately he was seething because no matter how hard he tried, you would never listen and you would never shut up. Normally he could handle your whims but this time he couldn't take your crass attitude anymore. He reached behind his back to discard of his plain tee and undid the belt of his pants. In a ghastly whirlwind, he pawed at your hair with one hand and with the other grabbed a pile of cake.

"Open. Now.’ He growled. Prying open your mouth, he stuffed it full of the sickly sweet goodness and slammed you back down as if it was nothing.

Jesus fuck, you’d never experienced him do anything like this before, or anything else ever in that matter.

You whimpered against the thick mounds of cake in your mouth and your eyebrows tensed, Stephen let out small yet erratic exhales at your dispostion.

You just look so fucking pretty even with a dirty mouth.

Stephen left you momenterily and even though his absence was fleeting, the loss of contact made a hole enlargen in your chest. You writhed in pleasure. Waiting for him ever so obediently. He pulled apart the strings of the cooking apron that was dotted on one of the other counters, he grasped at your wrists together in an iron like grip so they were planted at the small of your back and tied them together so fucking tightly. It was biting into your skin and you were sure they would leave burning red marks tomorrow but you didn’t have it in you to care for the time being.

You felt like he was about to use you, like you were his own little fuckdoll and it made you rub your thighs together in anticipation. The cream of the cake began to melt in your mouth. Stephen spanked at you again and it made you yelp, he let out a low chuckle at such a desperate response.

‘Sweetheart, don’t be so down. You tried and failed but had your fun, now it’s my turn to make you feel good. You get what I give you, you take what I tell you to take and if you don’t and I’ll fuck you just enough to the point where you’re about to cum but never actually do for the next fucking month, got it?’ He groaned into your shoulder, ultimately biting on the flesh to leave small indentations of where his teeth where. To claim you. To make you. He knew you couldn’t respond and it made a sly smirk contort on his face.

Stephen grasped at the base of his hard leaking cock from the confines of his pants, spread your legs that much more to the point where it was bordering on painful and ran his length up and down your arousal. You were so wet for him and you were the one playing the game of getting him riled up. You technically both won at such a challenge. He slid into you with no remorse, your cried translated to tears as he pulled your body back to meet his relentless thrust. Each piston of his was relentless. Your nipples were dragging up and down the cool marble of the counter and it spurred you on even more, adding so much to the pressure building up inside of you. Your mouth was smeared in sweetness, but you couldn’t do anything to clear yourself up, you couldn’t even grasp onto the counter. You were all tied up.

‘I see you wearing my fucking cloak, naked in my fucking kitchen and you thought there wouldn’t be consequences. Baby, what’s in that pretty head of yours?’ He taunted you, his condescending tone was annoyingly arousing.

Stephen kept going and going and going and he felt himself about to cum, your stifled moans really did it in for him. You were feeling that pull in your belly threatening to rip apart, tear and shatter at any moment. He collapsed ontop of you, buying his head into your neck as he painted your insides white, you followed suit. It was like lightning stung you in the biggest pinprick, it was magnificent. Making himself and then you stand up, he panted and then laughed at all of this as he untied your wrists. Thankfully, you managed to swallow down all the cake he had stuffed in there and damn that shit tasted good but not as good as Stephen even though he can be the biggest asshole ever.

‘I love you all fucked out and panting like this.’ He breathed against your ear, your back facing his front. His soft lips peppered tender kisse all down the delicate skin of your neck.

‘Not like a floppy fish?’ You quipped with a sour smile carved onto your perfect face.

‘One, that was a joke and two, you’re the best fuck I’ve ever experienced. Everytime, it’s like you have this new technique to make me obssessed with you and craving more. I fucking hate you for that.’ He admitted and it stunned you, he hadn’t said that before.

‘Maybe later I’ll finally have my dessert.’ You smirked as hands wrapped around your front to just hold onto you.

‘Poor dinner, me and cloak spent time on that.’

‘I’ll only let you wear my cloak if you’re naked like this in front of me and only me, if you dare do it when you’re alone…’

‘Fine.’ You huffed playfully at his habit of just wanting to see you in his clothes, now even his cloak which was incredibly sacred to him.

‘I should’ve taken a photo of it.’

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.