#love is found in the breaking bad prequel! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlespacereader · 22 days ago

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To say I’m obsessed with The Bad Batch and the Clone Wars is an understatement guys…I AM OBSESSED! I live and breathe it!! So please, if any of you guys are fans of the prequels, The Bad Batch, The Clone Wars or of Star Wars in general, SEND ME THOSE REQUESTS!

In other news, I’ve been thinking about Echo and what it would’ve been like for him joining the Bad Batch as a flip (both cg and little). This fic focuses on that Caregiver side of him with Little Crosshair. There will be a Little Echo story coming very soon!

Please enjoy this brain rot story I whipped up! Love you guys!💞💞

Still Right Beside You💙

Caregiver! Echo & Little! Crosshair with Caregiver! Tech and Hunter & Little! Wrecker

Tags-hurt/comfort, discovery, cuddles, hand holding

The dynamic in the batch started to change. It had always been the four of them, Hunter, Tech, Wrecker and Crosshair. But now? Now Echo joined their squad.

Everyone was more than happy to have Echo join, happy to have another clone feel at home in their group of misfits. But what they didn’t realize was how their dynamics would change.

Hunter and Tech are the team’s Caregiver and Crosshair and Wrecker the teams Littles. It’s always been even, two and two. But now with Echo being an added Caregiver and Little. That changed things.

They had a big talk about it, the clones gathering and having dinner together, when Tech brought up the subject.

“Echo, now that you’re a part of this squad I must ask you, I understand you’re classified as a Flip. Do you still wish to be one?”

Echo paused eating his food and really thought about his question. He knew right away Wrecker and Crosshair were the Littles of the group but… ”I haven’t been one in years…I don’t know if I’d be any good anymore.”

“Why don’t we start with your Caregiver side first then work your way up to regressing again, alright?” Hunter suggested.

Echo nods, “Yeah, that would be great actually.”

Before his accident at the Citadel, Echo had been the Caregiver to Fives, his rambunctious Little. It’s been so long since he cared for a Little, he wonder if he still could?

“I was thinking maybe we could do a couple of trial runs. See how you feel after and decide from there.” Hunter suggests.

Wrecker seemed to be excited at the idea of it all. Crosshair, on the other hand, remained hard to read. Keeping his head down, trying not to look at anyone.

“Sounds good to me.” Echo smiles.

A couple of days later they were off their mission and had a day to decompress and relax. As per usual, the two Littles would regress and the two Caregivers would take care of them.

Today, Echo has a shot at it.

Wrecker regressed right away, being a Little with a big kid headspace. He immediately went over to Echo, insisting on playing every game they had on the Marauder.

Echo found himself slipping back into that Caregiver part of himself, a part he was happy to see he still had. He played a board game with Wrecker, helped him with a video game level he was stuck on, and even read a chapter of Wrecker’s favorite book to him.

Crosshair, on the other hand, refused to regress like Wrecker. He begrudgingly sat in his bunk and cleaned his sniper.

Tech and Hunter tried their luck to getting him to relax and regress. But Crosshair is nothing if not stubborn. He refused, keeping a close eye on Echo as he did. It didn’t escape Echo’s eyes that Crosshair was refusing to regress, especially with him around.

Eventually the Hunter and Tech managed to get the Crosshair to regress, but it was only alone with Hunter.

The three Caregivers of the group tried again, two separate times to get Crosshair to regress around Echo, but it appeared the stubborn sniper wasn’t going to do it.

One late night in the cockpit of the Marauder, Echo and Tech got a moment alone to talk. Tech was wrapping up some last minute reports on his datapad while Echo was just staring into space, lost in thought.

“Hunter and I have a plan.” Tech spoke, breaking the silence.

“For the next mission?” Echo sat up.

“For Crosshair.” Tech replied casually.

“Tech…” he sighs, “I don’t think you should bother anymore. He’s made his point. I don’t think he wants me to join in and be another Caregiver to him and that’s perfectly fine.”

Tech goes quiet for a moment, “Is it?”

For some reason…that cut deeper than Echo would like to admit. “It’s not about me.”

“No, It is about you. It’s because you’re a reg Echo.”

Echo felt a piece inside of him start to crumble hearing that. “I figured….”

He knew they did exactly care for regular clones, especially because they had been bullied for years from them. He didn’t blame Crosshair for his hatred of him.

But he didn’t see himself as a reg anymore. He didn’t see himself as the 501st clone trooper he used to be. But he didn’t know exactly know what he saw himself as anymore.

“You see Echo, you’re not just a reg, you’re a ARC trooper. And when Crosshair was the age he was when he regresses, he was obsessed with the ARC Troopers. He would never admit it, but he wanted to be one more than anything.” Sits back and explains as he types away on his datapad.

“He once got lost from us on Kamino around the same age he regresses to. We didn’t find him, but an ARC trooper did and brought him back to us. From the little he’s told me and what I assessed, the trooper was kind to him and it impacted him greatly.” Echo paused for a moment both in shock and just processing the story. He nods his head as if connecting the pieces slowly but surely.

Tech looks up from his datapad before he continues. “He trust you to be a part of this team and to be on missions with us. You’re a defective clone like us, he sees you as one of our own. But when it comes to his regression it’s simply that he’s stubborn and more than anything shy around you.”

Echo sits there, in disbelief. “It’s because I’m an ARC trooper…and he’s…he’s shy?”

“Precisely.”

“So if that’s the case…what’s this plan of Hunter’s and yours?”

“It’s going to begin when we finish this mission and arrive back Kamino…” Tech starts to rambling the plan away. The more he goes on, the more Echo realizes, this could actually work.

~~~

The Batch all sat around their big barracks on Kamino. The mission was over and now they could finally rest and relax the stress away.

Wrecker sat playing with his plush Lula, making an elaborate story for her. Meanwhile Crosshair was trying desperately not to regress, sitting in his bed cleaning his weapons once again.

Echo and Hunter sat together at the table in the center of the room. Echo looked nervous, “Hunter, are you sure this is going to work?”

“No idea. But I know this is the only way to see.” Hunter tries to reassure. He looked at the time and then back to Echo, “Ready?”

Echo nods, “As I’ll ever be.”

Hunter nods before he stands, looking to the two Littles. “After our last mission we need to do a supply run. Wrecker, you, Tech and I will start packing the Marauder for the next mission. Echo you’re in charge. You’ll stay here with Crosshair.”

“What?!” Crosshair chimed in, standing from his bunk.

“Problem Crosshair?” Hunter asked.

“Why am I staying back? Surely Echo can take care of himself.”

“You’re both staying back. We won’t be long.” Hunter said firmly, “That’s an order.”

“Hunter-!”

Before Hunter can reply, all heads turned to Tech as entered the barracks pulling a crate behind him. He pulled it over to Echo bunk and dropped it there. “Here you go Echo, just like you ask.”

Tech didn’t explain more, and Crosshair couldn’t help but steal a glance or two to the new crate.

“What’s that?” Wrecker asked, standing up and walking over to the group.

“That is a crate of Echo’s old belongings.” Tech said, being vague for once. He walked over to the group. “Ready Hunter?”

“Ready.” Hunter looks to Crosshair, “Be good for Echo.”

Crosshair crosses his arms, but there’s a hint of something aside from his stubbornness, a hint of something else…….shyness?

The three go to leave, Hunter patting Echo’s shoulder and giving him another a small smile.

Then it was just the two of them.

The two stand there, staring at the door for a moment as if sinking it all in.

Then they look at each other.

Crosshair keeps his arms crossed as he looks over at Echo. When he meets his eyes, he quickly looks away, going back to his bunk and cleaning his weapons again.

Echo sighs. Looking as the sniper clean his weapons, he could see how he was on the cusp of regressing, how he was barley hanging on. This is his moment with Crosshair and he knew now’s the time to step up.

He walked from the table to his bunk and, more specifically, to the newly dropped off crate infront of it. He took a seat on his bed and started fiddling with the locks.

“Crosshair could you help me-.”

“No.” His replay came quick and immediate. Echo doesn’t need to look up to know Crosshair is probably glaring back.

He starts uncliping the latches on the crate, each one he does loud and deliberate. And with each one, he can see it starts to peak the interest of the sniper.

“Sure you can’t help me with this?” Echo asks again.

Crosshair’s reply comes a bit slower this time, as if thinking about it. But his stubbornness wins over again. “…no.”

Remembers back to Fives, his best friend, fellow arc trooper, and Flip best of all. He remembers when he would regress and be stubborn on occasion. A small smile crests his face at the memory. But with it, he remembers how he managed to break him out of it.

With a big and dramatic *sad sigh* “Okay…guess I’ll have to look at all my old Arc Trooper gear all by myself. And here I thought I could have someone to help me….oh well.” And with that he flipped the last latch and opened the crate.

He pulled the top open and with it, all the memories of his days with the 501st came flooding back to him. First he picks up a holopicture of the team. How young they all looked, how he missed them all so much, especially how he missed Fives.

He put that down, and instead grabbed his old helmet. He looked into the front of it, seeing the damage it sustained during the battle at the Citadel. They never found him or his armor, but they found his helmet.

Guilty plagued him for a moment, thinking back to Fives, what he did without him all those years, thinking he was dead, then what happened to him….

“Is that your helmet?”

Echo jumped, looking over at Crosshair who leaned against the wall next to him. When did he walk over?! But looking into the sniper’s sharp eyes, he could see he was on the track to regressing.

“Yeah, it’s my old helmet. Not much to it is there?” He joked, smiling back to Crosshair.

“Did you create the design on the top of it?” He asked, looking at the blue paint.

“I did. It closely resembles my brother Fives’. Our helmets looked similar.” He pats the bed next to him and scoots over, inviting him over. “Here, come sit.”

Crosshair looked a bit shy at first, trying to hold himself back. But Echo’s smile and reassurance starts to bring him out of his shell. He sits next to him, looking at the helmet in Echo’s hands.

“Here,” he holds his helmets out, “you can hold it.”

Crosshair carefully takes the helmet from him, looking at it in awe. He moves it around, looking at every detail. “What happened to it?”

“There was an explosion at the Citadel. I was trying to protect the soldiers and people in my party but I didn’t realize there was a bomb on the shuttle.” He explains a bit sad.

“Do you remember anything about it?” Crosshair ask softly.

“No. I don’t remember anything after it. I just remember the Citadel and then I remember you guys saving me on Skako Minor. But nothing in between.” Echo explains.

“I…I didn’t believe you were even there, I didn’t believe Rex when he kept saying you were alive……..I’m sorry,” Crosshair looks back up to Echo.

“No apology necessary. I don’t know if I would’ve believed it myself if I was in your shoes.” Echo smiles, patting his shoulder, “But I’m honored to be here, honored to be a part of this squad.”

The two go on to look at the rest of his armor. His original armor got destroyed in his accident at the Citadel but most clones troopers always has a back up set.

He showed Crosshair his gauntlets, his blasters, his kamas, and more. All while Crosshair looked in awe, Echo’s helmet by his side, making comment here and there, asking questions about everything.

The more they looked at things, the more Crosshair started to regress and get closer to Echo. Eventually they were shoulder to shoulder with each other, Crosshair leaning against Echo’s side.

“Alright,” Echo looked back to Crosshair and smiled, “I saved the best for last.”

He lean forward and unwrapped his chest plate. He lifted it up and looked to Crosshair with a smile. The blue hand print on the chest plate and the arc trooper blue pauldrons. It was hard not to recognize the unique design.

Crosshair froze looking at the chest plate. His eyes widened as his hands ghosted along the blue hand print on the front.

He looked back to Echo, a small blush on his face. “It was you…” he said softly, looking at Echo in shock and awe. “You’re the ARC trooper that found me.”

Echo is a generation 1 clone, one of the first clones ever made. Crosshair and the rest of the batch are one of the newer generations.

“I don’t remember a lot of moments of my life before, but I remember you, the small silver haired cadet.” He smiles, wrapping his arm around him. “I saw you in the hallway. And the two of us spend the afternoon trying to find your brothers. Remember? Remember the game we played?”

“We played scout mission.” He says softly, still reeling from the shock of this.

“That’s right, you and I were trying to scout out Kamino as we looked for your brothers.”

Crosshair looked at Echo is utter shock and awe. “I remember that day. I remember ever moment. I…” he starts to blush, “I wanted to be like you.”

“You’re better than I could ever be Crosshair, your shooting skills and abilities are something so beyond any ARC trooper’s capabilities. I couldn’t be more proud of the clone you turned out to be.”

There was a hint of tears in Crosshair’s eyes as he looked back to Echo. He looked as though the wanted to reach out and hug him but was shy to do so.

Echo closed the distance, wrapping his arm and scoop around Crosshair, brining the Little close. Crosshair cuddles close, resting his head against Echo’s shoulder like he did all those cycles ago.

“I’ve got you Crosshair, I’ve got you. I protected you back then, and I’m going to protect you now.” Echo adds softly, a hand rubbing up and down his back.

The two stay like that for a moment. Echo just holding the Little sniper close to him, protecting him, all these years later.

~~~

Two hours later Hunter, Tech and Wrecker walk through the hallways of Kamino, back to their room.

“What’s the percentage that this plan worked?” Hunter asks, holding a regressed Wrecker’s hand as he walked.

“87 percent.” Tech answers back.

“That’s not bad! It’s not zero!” Wrecker enthusiastically exclaims.

“Echo has a very high chance of getting through to Crosshair consider he is the ARC trooper that found him all those years ago.” Tech explains like it’s nothing.

Both Hunter and Wrecker stop, looking at the yellow goggle wearing clone shocked.

“What?!”

“That was Echo?!”

“Well…I thought it was obvious.”

“HOW WAS THAT OBVIOUS TECH?!” Wrecker yells, not out of anger but out of confusion.

“Wrecker, bring it down a notch.” Hunter squeezes his hand.

The three continue, walking down the hallway and then right into their barracks. What they find is an adorable sight. Echo is sound asleep in his bed with Crosshair cuddled on top of his chest.

The Little sniper has one of his chewable necklaces in his mouth and his arm wrapped around Echo’s chest.

The Caregiver slept with his scoop around Crosshair and his hand holding a datapad with some of Echo’s old mission logs.

“THEY LIKE EACH OTHER NOW!” Wrecker yelled, loud and happily.

“Wrecker!”

Thankfully Crosshair didn’t wake up, having been used to Wrecker’s loud voice for cycles. But Echo jumped awake.

Tech took Wrecker off to the other side of the barracks to play, while Hunter walked over to Echo and a sleeping Crosshair.

He smiles at the two before patting Echo’s shoulder, “Welcome to our family Echo.”

After Skako Minor Echo didn’t know where he fit in, what he was anymore. But in this moment he realizes. He may not be the clone he once was, but he was something better now. An ARC trooper and more importantly a Caregiver again. But best of all, he’s right where be belongs, with his family.

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itsrheasgirl · 2 years ago

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PREQUEL - DON’T LIE TO ME.

Prequel for The Forbidden Love series.

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You and Liv have a huge argument about Rhea, Liv accuses you of something happening between you and Rhea Ripley and a argument breaks out when you denies what Liv believes to be the truth.

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Liv is in love with the reader but hasn’t told them.

•

fem!reader - liv x reader.

mentions of Rhea Ripley.

•

@rheasbaee @you-got-me-star-lost-16 @innagnv @bittersweetastoria @chillinbri @call-me-a-simp @sithfar @rooskaya-yelena

•

“How do I look?”

Pulling your gaze from your own reflection in the full length mirror, you catch sight of Liv as she span around in a glimmer of lilac and sparkles. Her blonde curls bounced around her shoulders as she shimmied them playfully, her glossed lips curving into a soft grin.

You hadn’t expected to be attending the Hall of Fame induction ceremony when Liv invited you to Los Angeles for Wrestlemania thirty nine. You hadn’t expected to attend the event at all if you were honest but when your best friend had text you about a trip together, you’d jumped on the idea. It had been months since you’d been able to spend time with Liv.

“Well...?”

You turn on your nude pumps, giving the bubble ball of energy before you the up and down. Bringing a singular finger up to tap against your chin, you crinkle your nose and raise a brow.

“Hmmm…”

You watch as Liv’s features fall slightly, the brightness behind her eyes fading as you shook your head gently and moved over to Liv’s side before wrapping your arm around her with a soft giggle.

“I’m kidding, you look great.”

Jabbing her elbow into your side, Liv rolled her eyes playfully and stuck out her tongue. Winding her forearms around your waist, the tiny blonde pulled you close again before nuzzling into your side.

“Don’t look to bad yourself.”

The flat of Liv’s palm clapped down against your perked asscheek before she scurried away to go admire herself in the mirror, a small yelp parting your lips as you playfully swatted after her.

“Ouch.”

You huffed, your lips curving into a coy grin as you rolled your eyes and rubbed your palm against your ass. The spank from the petite female hadn’t hurt, a playful tap at most but you couldn’t help but laugh as Liv kept one watchful eye on you in the mirror’s reflection. Liv knew revenge was coming.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The room began to fill with cheers of support and admiration as Rey Mysterio began his walk, the ring welcoming him at the end. Being initiated into the Hall of Fame was a proud moment for the Mysterio family and yet something seemed off. Your gaze panned the room as the masses rose to their feet, palms clapping in a tremendous harmony of noise for the leader of the LWO. Your eyes continued to scan the sea of proud people as Rey took the his place in the center of the ring, the crowd returning to their seats as he opened his mouth to speak.

This was definitely an odd place for you to be, surrounded by some of the WWE’s finest as you sat perfectly still. You didn’t really know what you were supposed to do, the rivalry between Dominik and his father was something you and Liv had spoken of earlier that night and no one knew what to expect tonight. You could see Dom as he sat several rows ahead of you, his scripted girlfriend Rhea Ripley sat beside him. You’d expected her to be there, when the camera was on they never left each others side. But it still made your stomach churn with nerves.

You’d been introduced to Rhea before the darkness of the judgement day had taken over and you’d immediately found yourself terrified of her presence. Not because she actually scared you, but because of how she’d made you feel.

Exhaling a shallow breath as to not alert anyone’s attention, you place your palms in your lap. Your thumbs twiddling over each other as you tried your best to focus. You didn’t even realize you’d be staring at her as she whispered sweet nothings into Dom’s ear until she’d turned to look back towards where you sat alongside Liv, her glistening crystal ocean eyes locking with yours for only a brief second. She smiled, her perfectly glossed lips twitching upwards for only a second before your vision is impaired by Liv blocking your gaze.

“You okay?”

Her question startled you— were you making a face? Your features showing signs of confusion as you spoke.

“Uh.. yeah, fine. Why?”

Liv’s slender fingers wrapped slowly around your own and it wasn’t till she was pulling your palms apart that you realized, you’d been gripping your fingers together so tight that you’d punctured several holes into the top of you hand with your fingernails.

You swallow nervously, shaking off the fact you’d made accidental eye contact with Rhea and turn slightly to look at Liv head on. Her brows were furrowed in confusion, her gaze flitting over in the direction you’d been looking and back.

You needed to change the subject, get Liv’s mind onto anything else so she wouldn’t start asking more questions and what better way than to make it about Dom, he was sat right beside Rhea after all. You could have quite easily been looking at him.

Liv’s gaze had returned to the back of Rhea’s head, her brow furrow deepening as the cogs began to turn. You knew when Liv was over thinking something, she made a face and you’d become very skilled in shutting down her thought process in the many years you’d know each other.

“Do you think they’ll cause a scene?”

Liv’s gaze returned to you as a content grin claimed your lips, as easy as that you thought to yourself as her shoulders shrugged gently. A soft giggle parting her lips as she leaned in closer so she only had to whisper for you to hear.

“I don’t know, I mean maybe. Wouldn’t you? Add a little drama to the weekend. How exciting.”

You do your best to stifle your laugh as it shot from your throat, your palm shooting up to catch your mouth attempting to stop sound from coming out.

“Don’t be so mean, she’d probably feel terrible doing it.”

“She?”

You immediately feel a lump in your throat as you let what you’d just said sink in, quickly you cough to clear it.

“Oh my god, did I say she. I meant he, Dom. It is his dad after all.”

Liv’s forearms cross over her chest, slumping back in her chair as she raised her shoulders in a shrug. Her happy go lucky expression falling as she shifted to face her gaze forward with a soft pout.

“Just thought it would be funny.”

You couldn’t tell which emotion struck Liv in such a manner but it was clear she didn’t want to talk about it any more either way. Turning your gaze forward— in just enough time to see Dom, Rhea and Damian stand, you grasp tightly at Liv’s hand without thinking. Liv’s fingers wind with your own as you simply watch the three members of The Judgement Day begin to walk up the length of the red carpet, your gaze moving between each of them until your eyes locked with Rhea’s. She shoots you a soft wink as she walked past you and Liv, your cheeks flushing a soft crimson as you pulled your palm free from Liv’s to place it in your lap. You don’t notice as Liv turns to watch The Judgement Day leave, her gaze fixated on Rhea as she disappeared.

You avoid eye contact with Liv as Rey’s speech starts up again and the night could continue, the tightness in your chest making you focus more on your breathing than the actions of your best friend. You needed to bring your heart rate down and to cool yourself off, the color in your cheeks would have to drain as the night progressed on. Right?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The door beeped softly as it unlocked, your palm pushing it open so that Liv can slide past you before following her inside. She’d been very quiet, too quiet in fact and you were beginning to worry, she had barely said two words since leaving the arena and you could tell something was wrong.

“You wanna open the bottle of white in the fridge?

You had already takes off the nude pumps that made your calf look great, desperate for relief from the pain they caused. Your nimble fingers already fumbling with the zipper of your dress to release your torso from its binding fit.

Liv was sat on the edge of her bed facing away from you, her lilac hat tossed onto her bed as she sat in silence. Something was definitely wrong but why was Liv being so quiet? Throwing on the loose shorts and cropped tank you had left on your bed from the morning, you move over to Liv’s bed slowly.

“Hey. What’s going on?”

You gently place your palm down onto Liv’s shoulder, a small gasp parting your lips as she swiftly slaps your hand away. Your palm clutching to your chest, you take a small step back.

“What the hell, Liv.”

She doesn’t look up, she doesn’t even move as her voice echos in the air. Your stomach churning with nerves because of Liv’s tone. She was never this short with you.

“I need you to tell me something and I need it to be the truth, do not lie to me.”

Lie to her. What could you lie to her about? What was on Liv’s mind right now that she even thought you would lie?

Remaining in place as you fidgeted with the hem of your top, you inhale a small breathe. You tried to think back to what triggered Liv’s rage— was it shutting down her idea of a little bit of weekend drama? Releasing the fabric that twitched between your fingers, you inhale another shallow breath before you spoke.

“I’d never lie to you, Livv—.”

She cuts you off mid sentence, bolting up right on her petite legs and turning to face you.

“What is going on with you and Rhea?”

Your brow furrows in confusion at the tiny blondes question, your mouth gaping slightly as you stammered over your words.

“Me and… what.. me and Rhea?”

Your forearms crossed over you abdomen as you took a step towards your best friend, one palm extending out to try and take her hand in your own.

“Nothing, Liv.”

You manage to grab her palm, but only for a brief second as she yanks it free to cross over her chest.

“There’s nothing going on with me and Rhea. What are you talking about?”

This made no sense, what was Liv even talking about. Ever since arriving in Los Angeles you hadn’t left her side. Not once and all of a sudden she was accusing you of things that were nothing but friendly exchanges between you and the fellow female.

“I said don’t lie tO ME!”

Liv’s voice raised as she took a step in your direction, your own frame stepping back to keep the distance between you. She never shouted— not around you, confutation played havoc with your anxiety.

“I’m not.”

You stated, your facial expressions become more and more perplexed as Liv continued to provoke you.

A sharp scoff vibrated from the tiny females throat as she rolled her eyes aggressively, another large step forward closing the distance as Liv stood toe to toe with you. Her glimmering eyes were dark like midnight, her usual angelic smile masked by a corse line as she shoved your finger against your chest.

“Like I believe you. I saw it, with my own eyes.”

Saw what?

“What are you talking about?”

You questioned, placing both of your palms down on Liv’s shoulders. You were able to get in a few gentle strokes of your thumbs against her skin before she brings her forearms up in between yours to push them away, her palms shoving against your chest to push you backwards.

“You’re going to act as if I didn’t see you two, with your flirty glances…”

Liv’s nostrils flared, her palms shoving against you again with a little more force.

“The way you tried to change the subject to keep me distracted…”

Again, her palms shoved against your chest repeatedly until your spine collided with the dresser by the door. Both her palms locking round it’s ledge as she held you still, not giving you space to move or get away.

“And that wink, was I supposed to just pretend that didn’t happen.”

You swallowed nervously, your spine pressing into the wood as Liv stood directly in front of you. There had to be a way you could get away, yes— Liv was shorter than you, but she was stronger. Much stronger and you wouldn’t stand a chance if this got physical.

“Liv it didn’t mean anything, it was just Rhea being Rhea. I promise, there is nothing going on.”

Liv scoffed, slamming her palm down against the dresser.

“You’re a fucking liar.”

You flinched, your entire demeanor shifting as you stood motionless. Why was Liv getting so worked up over something she’d created in her head. There was no need for any of this.

“I said don’t lie to me.”

She snapped.

“I said don’t lie and yet you did, over and over.”

Her palms slammed at the dresser ledge repeatedly.

“How could you do this to me? You’re MY best friend, you’re supposed to be here with me! ME! Not flirting with HER!”

You still didn’t understand. Whenever you got to see Liv it was always all about her, you did what she wanted to do. Attended events she wanted to attend. Hung out with who she wanted to hang out with. It was her that had introduced you to Rhea in the first place, what had she expected. That you wouldn’t form friendships with her work colleagues?

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

Tears began to prickle behind your lids as Liv’s rage grew, she never spoke to you like this. Even when you were younger, arguments didn’t happen. What had changed?

“Liv.”

You choked out, a few stray tears cresting and breaking to trickle down your cheeks. You remained perfectly still as you played over the ways you could deescalate the situation, you needed to say the right thing to calm the little spitfire.

“Livvy, this is all in your head.”

You regret your words instantly, the demonic fire that burned behind Liv’s gaze erupted as her palm left it’s tight grasp on the dresser to strike. You were swift— ducking yourself out of the free space that opened up in enough time to avoid the flat of Liv’s palm, her fingers swatting at the air in front of her.

Your expression morphs into shock and fear as you back away towards the door, fumbling with the handle to get it open. Your palms were sweaty and your chest tight as you struggled with the door handle, a steady stream of tears breaking over your under eyes as you kept your gaze on Liv.

She hadn’t moved, one fist gripping tightly at the dresser as her other palm smoothed over her face. Her features had fallen, her breath was heavy and you could tell she was regretting her actions. What if she’d actually hit you?

The door handle finally cranked all the way down, without moving to far back into the room you pull open the door and slip out into the hallway. You don’t even bother closing the door as you stumble down the hallway, the image of Liv’s attempted slap playing over and over in your head. She couldn’t have meant it, she was angry. Liv wouldn’t hurt you.

Your palms began to tremor as you just kept walking, you didn’t even look back towards your room. Tears still cascading down your cheeks faster than you could wipe them away, the loose curls that fell from your messy bun sticking to your skin. You needed somewhere to go, you couldn’t go back in to your room. Not with the amount of rage Liv had just displayed.

You knew which room you needed to go to, as stupid as it was there was only one answer. The one person that had caused all the drama without even realizing it, the one person who wouldn’t harass you for answers to why you were so upset. The one person you needed to see.

The hallway seemed to stretch on for miles, the distance between your room and Rhea’s was minimal and yet it felt like you’d been walking for hours. She might not even be awake, you thought to yourself as room six fifteen came into view.

But there was only one way to find out.

Part 1

#liv morgan #gionna daddio #wwe #wwe womens wrestling #rhea ripley #demi bennett #fem!reader #forbidden love #forbidden love prequel #don’t lie to me #wwe wrestlemania 39 #wrestlemania

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charmwasjess · 7 months ago

Note

I actually really like Sifo-dyas’s characterization in The Living Force, just this absolutely harried man.

Of course he’s making bad decisions! Why worry about the present when each second is bleeding into a future that is horrifying beyond description.

(I know it’s no longer him who orders the clone army in canon anymore, but this version of him seems much more like the kind of man who would do something like that.)

I mostly agree with you about Sifo-Dyas’s characterization in the Living Force!

We’ll eat for years on Seeker Sifo. (I always thought it was cute that as a kid, Sifo-Dyas had found out who his own Seeker was, and that it was a cool High Republic Jedi to boot?! No wonder he wants to be one.) And I like that the book seems to go out of his way to establish that Sifo-Dyas wasn’t just on the Council as a token guy, but he was their whole Future Department, and that his departure left them seriously lacking in their ability to perceive that. It adds some complexity to the Council’s comments on how clouded the future is in the prequel films.

The last time we saw Sifo-Dyas in any Star Wars property, it was 2019 in Dooku: Jedi Lost. We leave him collapsed on Serenno, completely out of his mind, laughing and crying on the ground after watching Dooku burst a fucking dragon out of the planet. It's seriously great to pick back up with our boy's story in this book, and get some content about the period after that devastating moment. Content which suggests he’s not only been functioning, but on the Council and clearly an important person there, acting with agency and an agenda to try to save his people.

And pissing off Even Piel lol. He deserves to be a problem, as a treat. This is Lene Kostana’s son, after all. He is a person Asajjj Ventress thinks is too rebellious, whose stated reason for breaking into a forbidden Archive section full of dangerous artifacts is “because I’m a troublemaker.” I love a sweet, soft Sifo characterization as much as the next person, but let’s face it, he’s a sarcastic little shit who spends most of Dooku: Jedi Lost choosing chaos, probably because his own defiance is the one thing in his life he feels any control over.

And I love your point about his (understandable!) disregard for the present. In that way, he makes the perfect conflict/foil for the Living Force and Qui-Gon’s message about living in the moment.

Not to contradict you on this last point, and please, someone chime in if I’m incorrect about this - I think current canon doubled down on Sifo-Dyas definitively being the one to order the Clone Army. In the canon novel, Force Collector, the main character finds Sifo-Dyas’s last recording before his crash, where he explains his whole reasoning behind ordering the Clones and takes responsibility for it. And I think the Clone Wars episode “The Lost One” also discusses his involvement in the plot, initially collaborating with Dooku before being murdered and Dooku taking over/sabotaging the project with the chip interference. Dooku: Jedi Lost seeming to go to some length to create backstory around that particular detail - why Sifo-Dyas would go specifically to Dooku with the Clone project (not realizing he’s fallen) and how he had secure, untraceable means to get in contact with Dooku after all those years. (That stupid cursed comlink Dooku gives him at the end of the book in case he ever needs him.)

#thanks for stopping by! I love to hear your take on this!#sifo-dyas #star wars books

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ntzsche9 · 1 year ago

Text

Here's to a fresh intro! I'm Verne (they/them), practically a queer elder in my 30s and too many of my stories are me simply wanting to write a scene, developing a bit of a world around it, then losing interest entirely. I’m still trying to figure out how to break that curse, but in the meantime, I’m just going to chase inspiration and post odds and ends here. I used to be an avid role-player, and my small cast of OCs from those days provide the greatest and easiest inspiration - particularly in the setting of the Fallout Universe. I do my best to write for a reader who is unfamiliar with the series, though.

Interests:

Post-apocalyptic

Near-future dystopias

Scifi/Fantasy (urban) and magical realism

History/AltHistory (especially lesser-known and marginalized stories)

Horror, dark, violent, and mature themes

Queer everything. I can't write heteros to save my life and I'm not all that sorry about it.

Sexy melodrama and smut with too much plot

Fanfiction (I could read/write Fallout stuff all day)

________________________________________________

Noteworthy WIPs:

Bad Blood - A Fallout Nuka-World fanfic (tag: #ntzsche Nuka-World)

I hope to eventually write this comprehensively enough to post on AO3 but for now, I work on this story to practice becoming a better writer. Incomplete Prequel: Sanctuary.

Lafayette, the son of a 'retired' raider, left his abusive father to find his place in the world and was taken in by an eclectic trauma-bonded found family that inspires him to be a better person and shows him love he is certain he doesn't deserve. When his father comes across them in a raid, Lafayette joins him in order to save the settlement and his little brother. Lafayette finds that being with his dad again, and playing the son he always wanted him to be, isn't nearly as difficult as he thought it would be. He struggles to maintain the person he wants to be with the person he suspects he is, all while a cast of scheming raiders, wastelanders, and slaves vie for power in a raider city built within the rusted remains of an amusement park.

Salem's Child - (tag: #ntzsche Salem)

A background on one of the lesser Bad Blood characters that I got carried away with.

Andrew Rook doesn't look like his parents. He looks like someone they are desperate to forget. The witchy remains of post-apocalyptic Salem, Massachusetts provide some solace from his rough home life. In a fading settlement run by incompetent adults who would rather blame the population of feral black cats for their problems than try to resolve them, Andrew and his two best friends build a world in their imagination that shields them from the wretchedness of the wasteland and the people they have to rely on to survive.

Navarro (working title) - (tag: #ntzsche Zavala)

Multi-generational short stories. Inspired heavily by Fallout universe, but reads as a stand-alone. Temporarily on hold pending a sensitivity beta reader for a few of the stories.

María Zavala, an aging curandera, happily sacrifices her place in a vault to her pregnant chicano daughter and faces the nuclear apocalypse alone. When radiation blesses her with immortality, she survives long enough for her great-grandchild to come home to her, and the family finds a way to flourish against great odds. Under their immortal matriarch, her descendants become the foundation for a town that is a bastion in an otherwise inhospitable world.

The Crash - (tag: #ntzsche Crash)

A real-world AU.

Gabe always knew his functional alcoholic roomie would get into a terrible car wreck someday, but he never thought he would be dumb enough to be in the car with him. When the consequences of the wreck threaten to destroy Dave's life, Gabe finds himself doing everything he can to hold those pieces together. The love he harbors for his straight, polyamorous best friend runs deeper than either of them are ready to face, but Dave's injury makes it that much harder to hide.

________________________________________________

Miscellaneous

Master list of writing posts, mostly backstories, one-shots, and excerpts (tag: #ntzsche misc).

Every You and Every Me - Cosmic horror flash-fiction

Misc Fallout Fiction

Typically taking place before the events of Bad Blood, roughly in chronological order:

Smiling Jack - Backstory for Dizz

Vault 112 - Backstory for Dave and Gabe

If Dave Had Died - What-if scenario from prior to Sanctuary

Sanctuary - How Lafayette became a part of his new family, direct prequel to Bad Blood

The Boston Library - One-shot writing prompt containing Lafayette and Luvell, after Sanctuary

OC Intro - most of my recurrent OCs have their own tags.

(some links forthcoming)

#writeblr #writeblr intro #my writing #fallout fic #creative writing #writing #ao3 #queer writers #lgbtq writer #wip #wip exerpt #current wip

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serene-sun · 1 year ago

Note

is there any chance we could possibly get a continuation of that transmasc Rain X Swiss ficlet, "Candy"?? i absolutely loved it, I'm so curious what may have happened next, hahah

𝕮𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖞 pt. 2 ˖⁺｡˚⋆

TransMasc Rain x Swiss

Warning: 18+ NO SMUT , insecurity, love? Lots of ghoul feelings

Summary: rain is a bit awkward, and Swiss is completely afraid of words.

A/n: this is just straight up lore, you can send in another ask bc they are definitely fucking. I actually wrote candy for a friend to tease her bc it was based off of an encounter of me and my guy friend she’s hardcore in love with (except the pussy eating part). But I focused this more on rulti!! Let me know what you think!

It had to of been weeks since their last encounter, exchanging looks and lingering touches.

Rains friend had told him to ask him nicely and Swiss would probably be more than happy to apply.

The worst part was exactly that, Swiss was free game and he was open and ready for everyone to fuck. Rain knew that he could get fucked and have anything he wanted from the ghoul if he simply just asked, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready.

Rains not a virgin, don’t get him wrong, he’s had plenty of “experiences”. But Swiss was….something else. It’s no secret that he was rather large, possibly even larger than aether. Rain wasn’t scared or afraid of Swiss, he was only anxious. He wanted, no he needed, the multi ghoul.

Rain had slight problems with his body, not the obvious things, but rather specific attributes that made him worry for himself. Rain had a little bit of a streak with people saying, “wow you’re tight rainy.” This and, “aww poor baby you can’t even take two fingers? Do you need to take a break?” That. Rain was a bit embarrassed, he loved being babied but it was the lack of confidence that got to him quicker than the compliments.

Rain was…very tight. He couldn’t take two of his own fingers, one was hard enough. He would clench down and his body try and rid of the flesh. Even when needy on the tour bus, he would use his shower time carefully fucking himself with the handle of his hair brush. Even it was too much, the only thing that wasn’t too hard to take was the small smooth handle of a rubber stirring spoon he had found in a drawer.

It wasn’t just being tighter than leather, but he also had a strange orgasm routine. He was so embarrassed when the ghoulettes had their way with him, they were a bit shocked to see that he lasted only a few minutes from penetration before making a big slippery mess all over their finger. He was a water ghoul, of course he would squirt. But why did it have to be every time? He got used to it, but he hated that he couldn’t not cum without making a big mess. I mean his bed sheets already had water stains for natural purposes, so nobody suspected anything nasty.

Rain could go many rounds, he loved being fucked to oblivion, he couldn’t ever get enough of his vocals streaming out from his lips like a water fall. He loves the way his light blue dusty skin would turn a shade of purple, how he shivered at the sensation. He loved not being able to think, not being able to form words. He wanted nothing more than to be filled so much that he can feel it in his throat. Rain wanted every hole filled and pounded, he wanted his mouth to hurt for the next few days, rain needed to trip when he would stand up for the next week.

But that brought rain to another problem, anal. He had wanted it so bad, he needed to be touched there. He tried prepping and stretching himself, wearing plugs and stuff. But he didn’t want to embarrass himself, nor did he want to come off as gross or anything. Rain wasn’t worried about hygiene necessarily, but rather if his attributes would also comply with his back end.

Rain had only been summoned a couple of months ago, with the rest of the prequel ghouls. But dewdrop and ifrit were the only ones that really brought him into the sex world. Lord have mercy rain would take and give dewdrop anything he asked for. He liked having control, but he also liked being put in his place. He liked it when dewdrop was a brat, but he also loved acting up just for the reaction. Oh did that change when the girls started toying with him, rain fell in love with acting up and failing miserably that it became apart of his “act”.

So why doesn’t he just ask him to give him what he wants?

Swiss is cool, hot, sexy, casual, crazy, insane, hot, sexy, sweet, kind, happy trail, hot, sexy, sexy, majestic, beautiful, cool, attractive, sexy, hot, and confident.

All of the things rain thought he lacked, all the things rain wishes he was. If only rain known that he was infact all of those things.

Little did rain know Swiss actually felt the same way. Swiss wasn’t all that, oh no no no, Swiss gives anybody what they want because he wants them to think that he’s cool. Is Swiss cool? Absolutely. Is Swiss hot and sexy? Absolutely. But Swiss had the same problem as rain, worry.

Swiss was confident, the amount of ladies and gentlemen that screamed his name in his bed echoed into the hallways so much that you can still hear it bouncing off walls, he was definitely confident. But Swiss wasn’t afraid of being embarrassed, he was scared of what others thought. Was he kinky enough? Does he walk weird? Does his voice sound funny? Are his horns crooked? Others would call it insecurity, but who knows any of that anyways? Swiss thought that if he faltered in his steps that someone would catch on, start saying things to others, and others would say things to more others.

It was one of those things that stick with ghouls, that deep dark dead heart that still lingers inside. Although they are over 100 years old, sometimes 1,000s like dewdrop and aether, every ghoul still had a soul. And those souls carry ghosts, and those ghosts never stop feeding on the heart rather it be dead or alive. The ghosts are feelings, from the tragic and devastating life’s they had once lived. All ghouls had lived, that’s how they became hell beings anyways. All of that anger and hatred channels and turns into a living life force. Their hearts might be cold and empty, but it creates a flame that never stops growing.

Therefor, those ghostly feelings are maggot that feed on the brain and soul. Some ghouls get over it, forget about it and move on. While others loose control and lust over revenge. Although Swiss wasn’t like that, you can’t easily forget the so called sacred beings that had tortured and banished him into the flame of life and death.

That’s why every ghoul had an insecurity, rain was scared of rejection, Swiss was scared of his own rejection.

Swiss knew he could please anyone, but was it good enough? Did rain really want him? He had said it himself that he wasn’t sure if he was fully into him.

Would this be love? Or would this be a test of worthiness? Either way, Swiss and rain are scared of each other, but nevertheless in love.

I mean, if you have ghosts, you have everything…right?

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kazosa · 2 years ago

Text

Wildwood Prequel: Broken

Summary: Not everything is sunshine and roses where the reader and Jensen are concerned.

Pairing: female reader x Jensen Ackles

Word count: 15k

Warnings: swearing, pregnancy loss, cheating, jealousy, death of a family member

a/n: please remember, this is fiction and not intended to be disrespectful to any real-life people

@leigh70 @djs8891 @sandlee44 @coffee-obsessed-writer

Broken

It felt like defeat going back to your hometown and your apartment over the old theater. The plan had never been to stay away forever, you just hadn’t thought you would be back so soon. Of course, your parents knew that you were coming back and they’d been the ones who had taken care of your building and apartment while you were away. They had been the ones who had arranged for your moving boxes to be brought inside your apartment. You flipped the light switch and the lights in the kitchen came on. At least your parents were reliable…

The boxes were stacked and filling up your living room. You didn’t even know where to begin. Why did you need to ship so much back from Korea? You didn’t have the energy to deal with unpacking anything. Instead, you slowly walked through your apartment to make sure there were no issues. Nothing jumped out at you. Plumbing, electrical and physical all seemed to be in proper order. Even the skylights were in good shape.

The only trouble you found was around every single corner; a memory of Jensen’s last visit was waiting for you. It was almost too much to bear. You walked down the hallway to your bedroom and looked around. Everything was as you’d left it except for your bed which had fresh sheets and blankets.

“Bless you, Mom,” you muttered, shuffling to your side of the bed. Your brain was too fried to figure out what time it was for your body that was still on Seoul time. And whatever time it was in your hometown, you decided you didn’t give a shit and pulled back the covers.

Sitting on the edge of the bed to pull off your socks, you saw the picture of you and Jensen looking back at you. You laid the frame face down and finished undressing before you gave yourself over to oblivion.

A few days later you were still lying in bed, having only gotten up for restroom breaks and water. You supposed you’d slept enough to be on hometown time, but you still didn’t move. You just stared at the brick wall for a few minutes, then you grabbed the photo frame from your night stand.

You missed the boy in the photo. You missed who you were in the photo, too. Full of life and happiness and having no clue you would be the cause of your current state of misery. You’d fallen for Jensen and you hadn’t even noticed how far you’d fallen until it was too late and you’d found yourself sitting at his wedding trying not to sob. The wedding wasn’t all bad though. Dan had been a guest and despite what happened later, you had loved him and would never be sorry for your time together.

When you met Dan, you were at your absolute lowest. You’d basically run away from Jensen, all the way to Australia, only to come back 6 months later for his wedding. You had barely had any time to sort through your feelings for Jensen and had tortured yourself more by throwing yourself headlong back into them at the wedding. Dan had been going through something similar and had recognized the same sadness in you, choosing to sit with you at the reception. The two of you hit it off and forgot about your woes for a while. After the wedding, you kept in touch with him and eventually you went to live with him after a year of racking up some serious air miles.

It was great at first. Dan would take you to all of his favorite places and do tourist things with you. He could speak and understand Korean, mostly, and could communicate with people fairly well, but you had no understanding at all. He tried to teach you, but you had no capacity for other languages. You kept trying though. Dan was quite famous in Korea. He did a lot of modeling for fashion shows and print ads, which had gotten him a lot of attention on their own. What really put him over the top were the Korean television shows and movie productions.

When you would be out with him, he would get mobbed by tiny, beautiful Korean women. They would push you aside and Dan would be very accommodating by signing autographs and taking pictures. You didn’t mind the fans and Dan interacting with them, it was the fact that you were looked down upon by the fans. You couldn’t understand what they were saying, but their body language and facial expressions said everything. It made you feel isolated and when you told Dan how you felt, he thought he was helping by taking you out less.

When Dan was home with you, you got all of his attention and you loved every second of it. When you got brave enough, you would go to the public library and do research for your books. It was better than sitting in the apartment all day waiting for him to come home and it helped you to feel less isolated. The people at the library were nicer and would speak to you in English and teach you phrases in Korean.

It made Dan happy that you were learning the language and were less reliant on him for all communication. It made him even happier when you said yes to going more places with him again, too.

You thought things were good between you, until you started seeing tabloids when you went to the market. The newsstands were positioned outside the markets and you never really paid much attention to them until you noticed Dan on the cover. He’d been on tabloids before, of course, but this time was different, it wasn’t you who was with him. Not knowing what else to do , you bought all three and immediately went to your favorite library to find your librarian friend, Hyun, to help you translate.

When you got to the library, Hyun was behind the counter and smiled brightly when she saw you approaching.

“Hello my American friend. Nice to see you again so soon!” she said, cheerfully. “What are you researching today?”

“Hi Hyun. Actually, I was hoping you could tell me what these say?” you laid out the tabloids for her to look at.

“Oh! Daniel Henney! He’s so handsome. Do you know him in America?” she asked.

“No, I know him here,” you answered.

“This one says… Daniel Henney and new flame Bingbing Fan leaving set.” She looked at the other covers, “These say almost the same.”

Your gut twisted and jumped inside your body. “Does it say anything about anyone else? Like a previous girlfriend?”

After reading some of the article, she said, “No, it says nothing like that. Just rumored about Bingbing and how Daniel has been single since Mr. Perfect.”

You knew that wasn’t true. He’d been in love with Dee before you met him and you’d been living with him for three years, but the way he held her hand…

You ignored the pain you felt and went home to confront Dan about it. You had hoped he would deny it, put your mind at ease, profess his love for you… That wasn’t what happened though. Tears were streaming down your face and felt sick from the pain.

“Y|N, what…” he began, but that was all you heard.

You looked down and wondered where the blood was coming from before your vision swirled and went black.

You drug yourself out of bed and went to the kitchen to find your carry-on bag and pulled out the pen and paper you always had with you and took it back to your room. You chugged the rest of your water before you began.

The last letter you sent him had been the hard part. Everything that happened was in there. You hadn’t expected a return letter, but you’d thought Jensen would call, at least. You’d sent it to the house in Austin when you were certain he would still be there… You put your pen to the paper:

Jay –

I’m back in the states now. I didn’t hear back from you about my last letter. I thought you might call… I know you’re busy, but I could really use a hug from my friend. Please respond.

–Nova

You made sure your return address was written clearly on the envelope and addressed it to him at his Vancouver apartment. You debated calling him, but decided against it. There had to be a reason he didn’t contact you and if he didn’t want to talk to you, you didn’t want to talk to him. Resigning yourself to the fact that you needed to go to the post office for stamps, you thought it best to take a shower and get yourself mildly presentable for a public appearance.

Once the stamps were bought and the little note sent, you went back to your apartment and unpacked one box. It felt good to empty the box, but you refilled it with things you no longer wanted that either came from the box, or your apartment, and put it in the hall to take down to the dumpster.

“That’s quite enough,” you said, closing and locking the door behind you. After checking the cupboards, you grabbed a box of crackers and went back to bed.

Jensen knew by the knock that it was Jared at his trailer door. He went and opened the door for him.

“Hey, get in here,” he said.

“What’s going on? You’ve been weird since Clif picked us up this morning.” Jared stepped into the trailer and closed the door behind him, “Something happen?”

“I got a letter from Y|N,” he held the paper with his fingertips. “Something isn’t right,” he extended his hand to Jared to take the paper.

Jared took the note and quickly read the missive.

“Is this it? What was in the last letter?” Jared asked. “And Y|N doesn’t seem like someone who asks for hugs… except from me.”

“That’s a financial transaction, that’s different,” he said, “and I have no idea what she’s talking about.”

“Did it get lost? She knows the schedule, right?” Jared was concerned, too. Over the years of Jensen talking about her and spending time with her at conventions, he genuinely liked Y|N.

“I don’t know. She usually knows where I am. She said she’s back in the states now, so that takes time and if I missed a letter saying she was coming back, Y|N would know to send it to Austin ‘cause I would have been home then,” he was thinking out loud.

“Did Dee say if it came there, or shown up yet?”

Jensen pulled out his phone. “She didn’t mention it the last time I talked to her.” He hit ‘send’ on her number. “Hey hon,” he said when she answered, “did any letters from Y|N come to the house?” he waited for an answer. “No? Not since I’ve been up here, huh? What about before and you just forgot to give it to me?”

Jared could only hear Jensen’s side of the conversation, but it wasn’t sounding good.

“I’m asking because I think something is wrong.”

“No, I’m not saying that.”

“I just don’t want to…”

Jared knocked hard on the chair and talked into his arm, “Jensen, ready on set.”

“I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” he ended the call. “Thanks,” he mumbled and began pacing.

“That was intense,” Jared observed.

Jensen nodded, chewing on his thumbnail. “She said ‘no’ then said I’m obsessed with Y|N.”

“Sounds like Dee might be a little jealous of how close you and Y|N are,” he paused to carefully choose his words. “Dee doesn’t have a reason to be upset, does she?”

Jensen whipped his head around, “What do you mean?”

“Nothing. You better see what’s up with Y|N,” Jared said, getting up from his spot. “That was way too cryptic for her.”

Jensen hit ‘send’ on Y|N’s number, not worried about what time it was for her. It rang through to voicemail once before he tried again. She picked up on the second ring.

“Jay?”

He hated how small her voice sounded. “What happened?” he demanded, “Tell me right now.”

Jared stopped rummaging in Jensen’s fridge at the tone of Jensen’s voice.

“Did he hurt you?” he asked, not able to understand what she was trying to say.

“No,” her voice was so quiet. She could only whisper the words or they would come out as sobs. All he caught was, “Baby died,” and his blood ran cold. Immediately he went to the bedroom, got his coat, bag, and passport. He made sure he touched what he needed before shoving them in the bag.

Jared followed him wide-eyed, not needing an explanation. Seeing Jensen packing a small bag, he knew it was serious and helped him gather what he would need.

“Babe, I’m coming,” he said.

“Okay.”

Jensen went to Bob Singer and told him what was going on . Bob looked over the shot schedule and told Jensen, “I can only get you a day.”

“That’s all I need, thanks, Bob,” he said.

Jared had told Clif that Jensen needed to go and got the car ready. Jensen was on the phone to the airline before he even got in the car.

“Text me when you land and give Y|N my love,” he said quietly because Jensen was talking to the ticket agent.

Jensen gave him the thumbs up and Jared closed the car door. As soon as it closed, Clif took off like a shot. He booked a flight that had a layover in Denver before he felt like he could breathe again.

Seven and a half hours later, it was after 10 at night and he was quietly using his key to open her apartment door. Thankfully, the key turned and she hadn’t flipped the security latch over. He noticed her living room windows were dark when he had gone around the block to park in the alley, so he made sure he was quiet as he entered, in case she was sleeping.

No need to turn on any lights. She had a nightlight on her kitchen counter which lit the way for him to the hallway where he stopped in the bathroom to get cleaned up. He couldn’t stand to not shower after such a long day of work and travel.

He felt a little bad sneaking in the way he had, but he needed to sleep. Despite working overnight, he’d only slept a couple hours on the Vancouver to Denver leg and not at all from Denver to Sioux Falls. His usual tricks to shut down his brain hadn’t worked. After his shower, he tiptoed into her room, pulled the covers back and climbed into bed and Y|N stirred.

“Jay, that’d better be you,” she muttered, not really caring that someone got in her bed in the middle of the night.

“It’s me, sweetheart,” he said.

“Mm, Dean, even better,” she rolled toward him.

He patted his chest and stretched his arm out so she could get close.

“Do you want to talk now, or sleep,” he asked.

“Sleep. All the sleep,” she laid on his chest.

He thought maybe she had drifted off, but then she spoke softly. “I fell for him and he broke my heart. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until it was too late.” She didn’t have any tears left to cry. “I found out from a tabloid. He didn’t even try to deny it. I woke up in the hospital. I lost a lot of blood and that’s when they told me. When I was released, I was told I had a week to move out while he was away working. I did. But it took a while to make all of the arrangements.”

Jensen kissed her forehead and stroked her arm while she talked, but there was one thing he had to know, “Where’d you send the letter and when?”

“About six or seven weeks ago to Austin.”

Twenty years and he’d never not gotten a letter she sent.

“I’m sorry. You know I would have answered or done something if I got it. Hell, I just traveled almost eight hours as soon as I got the last one.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said.

Jensen could feel her start to pull away, but he held on tighter.

“You don’t get to decide that. Did you ever think about what had to happen for us to meet in Dallas?” He could feel her shake her head ‘no.’ “You could have stayed with your grandma. If I hadn’t hit snooze on my alarm, I wouldn’t have missed the bus. Your parents could have picked a different hotel. My parents could have made me stay home. Your parents could have said no to you going to the pool by yourself. If you didn’t have that stupid fanny pack, you might never have run into me, literally.”

“My fanny pack wasn’t stupid.”

“Yeah it was, but I love that thing,” he caressed her face and made her look at him. “The powers that be decided and I am grateful.”

Everything in him wanted to kiss her so badly. To take her pain away, to pull her out of her darkness, to make her feel better for a moment, to remember what it was like to feel her lips on his.

There was no way he could do that to her though. He’d never seen her so raw and broken before. She’d always been so solid, so strong. He couldn’t be doing things like that to her when she was in such a fragile state. Somehow, she knew he was struggling and tipped her head back down, her hand reaching up to couch his face. He took her hand, kissed her fingertips then held her hand to his chest as they finally drifted off to sleep.

He woke her up just as the sun was barely beginning to light the sky.

“C’mon,” he shook her shoulder, “you need to get up.”

“I don’t need to do jack shit,” she growled.

He yanked the covers back. “Great. Let’s use that salty energy to get you into the tub.”

“What?” she said with emphasis on the H. “Are you drunk? Am I drunk?”

He pulled her up to sitting, “Not possible. You already drank everything.”

“Let me sleep, damnit,” she tried to pull away.

“Guess we’re doing this the hard way,” without malice, he grabbed her up into his arms and carried her into her bathroom and placed her, clothes and all, into the bubble bath he’d drawn for her.

She had things to say when she popped up out of the bubbles.

“What the hell was that for?!” her voice was raised.

“To wash off the guilt you’ve been wallowing in for the last two months,” he told her.

She kept trying to rebut his statement, but she couldn’t.

“It wasn’t your fault that any of it happened. No one made Dan screw around on you. That was a choice,” his voice boomed off the stone and wood in the bathroom. He took a moment and calmed himself and softened his tone. “As for the baby, you didn’t even know you were pregnant. And when it happens that early, there is NOTHING anyone can do to save it.”

“What if Dan was my one shot at happiness?” she pulled off her soaked shirt and staying below the bubbles.

“He’s not, I promise.”

“How would you know? You married a snobby, jealous bitch who hates me,” Y|N was letting it all out. “I don’t get second chances, Jay. It just doesn’t work like that for me.”

She slipped down into the bubbles briefly. He waited for her to resurface.

“Dee is still my wife, Y|N. You may have differences, but I don’t think she hates you. You’re going to be brave and do things one step at a time, just like you always do. And when you’re ready, you will shine so bright that it would be a crime to not notice you,” he looked at her covered with bubbles. “Scrub the wallow off of you. Then we’ll go to the bakery and take a walk. Then I gotta go back to work. Bob could only get me a day.”

She went under and shimmied out of what she was still wearing. He would never tell her he saw everything in the process. He just took the clothes and threw them into the open shower.

“Where did you find the bubble bath?” she asked, pulling the bubbles toward her for her modesty.

“I didn’t. It’s my shower gel I left here last time I came by,” Jensen said, grabbing a washcloth to throw in with her. “Got any of that sandy, scrubby shit for your skin?”

She gave him a look, “No?”

“Huh,” he mumbled, “it works pretty well.”

She scrubbed while he looked through things. “Any of those boxes out there labeled?”

“I dunno,” she scrubbed the leg that was propped on the edge of the deep tub. “I wasn’t too concerned.”

“I’m gonna go look… out there,” he excused himself. If he kept catching glimpses of her like that…

Opening the first box he came to, he dug right in. Something heavy was wrapped in bubble wrap that caught his attention and chose that first. At first, he didn’t realize what he was holding, then remembered it was the glass art his mom bought her for Christmas forever ago, the Christmas he kissed her. She had taken it with her when she left. It made him wonder where the star that he bought her was as he placed the glass on a bookshelf.

He unpacked the rest of the box and put things away without any more blasts from the past. He was just about to start another when she came down the hall.

“Just can’t leave shit alone, can you?” she asked.

“How long have you been back, a week? It looks like you haven’t touched anything.”

“So? It’ll still be there when I’m ready.”

Y|N was getting on her shoes.

“Next step is unpacking,” he said.

“What?”

“You have one week to unpack these boxes, then you’re gonna facetime me and show me every inch so I know you’re not hiding them.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” she asked.

“Yeah. I am. Baby steps.”

“Bossy bitch,” she snarked.

“You’d do it to me, and you know it,” he responded.

“I’ve never had to do anything like that for you,” she grabbed her keys. “Frickin’ Mary Poppins.” she rolled her eyes when he didn’t get it. “Practically perfect in every way.” She opened the door and swung her arm in a motion for him to walk out. Somehow she managed to look annoyed and still exhausted.

“When was your last meal?”

“Fuck if I know,” she went down the stairs and turned to the alley door. “What day is it?”

“Wednesday.”

She shrugged. “Sunday? Why does it matter? When I’m awake, all I do is think about it all and it makes my stomach hurt. It never ends.”

He opened the car door for her, “It might not hurt if you eat something good for you.” He’d noticed she’d lost weight. “Not like you need to go crazy, but you shouldn’t be surviving on pizza rolls and chicken tenders. You should hire a chef, you got the dough for that now, don’t you? I saw you put out more books and a movie is being made. Are you getting a percentage?”

He thought if he could get her thinking about anything else, it might help get her out of the darkness.

“Yeah, the books are doing well. I can cook for myself, Jay, I just don’t like to,” she answered. “I’m going to get a percentage. Threw out a number and they accepted it. Hopefully it does well. I heard Bradley Cooper and Scarlett Johansen are in the running.”

“Are you shitting me? You have a script already?”

She nodded. “It’s about ready to go into production I guess. I hope it does well so I can retire.”

“I don’t remember getting a script for that,” he pulled open the bakery door to let her pass through first.

She snickered, “It wasn’t my call, Jay. Also, I have you in mind for something else.”

Y|N went to the counter to wait for someone to help them.

“Woman, you cannot leave me hanging like that,” he said.

She ignored him as the owner came to the counter. “Hi Dave. I’ll have my usual. He’ll have something healthy and a black coffee.”

She definitely hadn’t lost her sass. “Dave, is it? I’ll have an apple fritter and a coffee. Black.”

Y|N rolled her eyes and waited patiently for Dave to get their donuts and Jensen’s coffee. Y|N pulled an apple juice from the cooler then chose a table for them to sit. When they were seated, he only sipped his coffee and stared.

Y|N sighed, “I’ve been doing a lot of research. I haven’t written anything yet. However, if, and that’s a big IF, I write it and there’s production talk, I think you would be a perfect fit. Maybe you can for your own production company, or something, and can cast yourself finally.”

“So salty,” he muttered. “Because that’s the only way I would get cast?” Salty and a little bit mean, he thought.

“I didn’t say that,” she took a bite of donut.

“What are you saying?”

“I said I want to write the character with you in mind and getting you cast as the character is not up to me.”

“What’s the character?”

“Uh-uh, I’m not telling you that, but it would give you a wider variety of wardrobe choices than jeans and flannels.”

He tipped his head to the side agreeing that the wardrobe change might be nice.

“Can you tell me anything else?” he asked.

“No, I don’t want to jinx it. Good guy though, but a smidge of anti-hero.”

For the moment, she didn’t look quite so destroyed. It had scared him when she answered the phone the way she did. Sitting with her in the bakery, she seemed more like her old self. They sat shooting the breeze while they had their donuts and drinks. When they were finished they used the restrooms before they left for their walk.

They drove to the park they went to the last time he was in town for their walk.

“Ever been to Italy?” he asked out of the blue.

“Nope, not even on a layover,” she answered.

They were up by the river and he paused to let her catch her breath. He wondered if Dan had kept her locked up in that apartment.

“We booked JIB this year. You should come,” he said.

“Why?” she didn’t look at him. Instead, she looked out at the river, squinting, even with her sunglasses on. “Will you tell Dee if I do?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Pretty simple, Jay. Does she even know you’re here now?”

“Do you have something you need to say to me? Just say it.”

“Dee doesn’t like me being your friend. When I needed you most, the first time in almost 20 years, you didn’t get the letter I sent.”

“You weren’t exactly thinking clearly…”

“No, Jay! I might have been as clear as I’ve ever been. I knew exactly where you were. Didn’t it seem strange to you that Dan was at the wedding?”

“Why would I? You were at the wedding and you’re my friend.”

She gave a rueful laugh. “Yeah. You should probably ask her about that. He was under a different impression. He said he didn’t even want to go but she insisted. She practically shoved him at me after I danced with you. By some miracle, we actually got along well and hit it off. We were just lying to ourselves though. Neither of us were with who we wanted.”

“Or maybe Dee thought you two might be good together.”

“And why would she do that, Jay? She’s maybe said five sentences to me the entire time you’ve been together.”

He stood in silence for a few moments. “I think she doesn’t like how close we are. She is my wife, Y|N. Knowing we have so much history is hard for her. It would be hard for anyone. I don’t think she hates you and inviting Dan came from a good place.”

“I love that you always look for the good in people, Jay, but it makes you blind to the bad,” her voice was softer now. “Maybe I’m just bitter. I’m sorry.”

They started walking again. “Did you get the last birthday card I sent you? I sent it to Austin so it would be there when you went home.”

“Dude, I don’t know. I’m sure I did. Didn’t I text you?”

“No. I wouldn’t be asking if you had. Did you use the gift card I sent? It was for that steak place you like there.”

He, in fact, did remember going there for his birthday, but not how the meal was paid. This whole conversation had made him wonder what else he had been missing.

“I gotta go soon,” he changed the subject. “Are you going to be okay, or do I need to worry about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “I’ll just kill Dan in a book.”

He snorted, “Okay. No real-life felonies, please.”

She didn’t say anything for a few steps, then with a smirk she said, “Petty arson?”

He grinned, “I can’t associate with a criminal, regardless of the charges.”

“As if I would get caught,” she said.

“I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

“Good,” she said. “Stay on your toes, Ackles.”

He looked after her, questioning what she said, before catching up to her again. He looked at his watch, not really wanting to know the time, but he didn’t want to push things too hard. He needed to be at his gate by 11:30 and that meant he needed to leave Y|N by 10:30.

They kept walking through the whole park and Jensen finally got to see the whole scale of the place. He felt like he’d gotten in a good hike and it was all still in town. It wasn’t til they were on the way back to the car that she noticed and started laughing at him.

“Oh my god, this whole time, I’ve been hanging out with Dean Winchester!”

He was less amused. “I left from set. I didn’t have much choice.” He smoothed the flannel shirt. “By the way, I left you makeup-covered washcloths as a ‘you’re welcome’.”

Jensen opened the car door for her. “Good on you for even finding them,” she got in the car slowly like she was exhausted from the hike and he closed the door for her.

He started the SUV and got the vents going. The outdoor temperature was climbing quickly. “Everything was still right where I left it 5 years ago. Now promise me 2 things. One, you will unpack. And two, think about JIB.”

“The best I can do is promise I will think about it.”

“JIB or unpacking?”

“Both.”

He sighed heavily. It was pointless to argue with her. She could be so stubborn. Or she would turn everything around and he would lose sight of his original point.

“Jay?”

He put the SUV in gear and pulled out of the lot.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, for coming,” she said sincerely. “You didn’t have to and I just…I’m really grateful for you.”

He drove toward her building. “You would do it for me.” He reached out and took her hand, knowing how hard it was for her to say anything about her feelings for anyone.

He pulled into her regular parking space at the back of the building. The go-bag he’d brought was already in the car. After putting the car in park, he hopped out to open her door. When she was out, and the door closed, he pulled her into a bear-hug which she returned with surprising strength.

“Love you like crazy,” he said.

“Love you, sweet boy.”

She watched as his car backed away, turning into the alley. Putting the car in drive, he stuck his arm out the window to wave at her one last time as he drove away.

On domestic flights, you didn’t care if you flew economy. Leaving the country was a whole other animal. The best you could manage was business class. You’d waited too long to book your flight, but you’d been in training and hadn’t known when, or if, they would release you to go on the vacation you’d planned. Last minute booking came with last minute pricing and you about fainted at the cost. If you hadn’t already bought the ticket for JIB 15, you might have backed out. You were physically exhausted from the training you’d been in for your new, armed security, job that you were sure was equally intensive as military training. The difference was, your training lasted four months and you’d gotten into the best shape of your life, which you both loved and hated. You’d become a person who ran for fun.

While you were waiting for the staff to start boarding the plane, you already had on your headphones, but no music playing yet, just in case your seatmate was chatty. Your seating section boarded first and you were a little surprised to see some very specific people you knew appear from nowhere at the gate with you. Being dressed for comfort over fashion, you hadn’t expected them to recognize you, but Rob looked right at you and it didn’t register with him. You recognized Gil, but had never met him. Then there was Rich. He was your favorite. He was at the head of the pack and you followed him onto the plane.

As it turned out, your seat, was next to Richard, but by the window. Rob and Gil were next to him, but across the isle. Rich twisted in his seat to let you in, still not quite looking at you. Your hair was in a bun on top of your head, glasses on, band t-shirt, sweatpants, flannel around your waist, and sneakers. The small bag you carried had your essentials.

“Sorry, excuse me,” you said, stepping sideways to get to your spot.

“Nice band shirt. Don’t usually see them,” he said.

“I know, usually it’s Nirvana or Led Zeppelin,” you agreed.

You pulled off your headphones and put them in your bag. He wasn’t staring at you, but you knew you were being watched. You didn’t think you looked that much different from the last time you saw them, but you thought they might remember you, at least.

The flight attendants were going through the precheck and safety checklist when Rich couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Have we met?” he whispered.

You nodded.

“Forgive me, I can’t remember your name,” he pressed.

“Shh, important stuff,” you grinned and gave the crew your attention.

When they completed their somewhat funny spiel, you turned and leaned with your elbow on the armrest to look directly at Rich.

“We’ve slept together and you can’t remember my name?” you asked. “I thought we had a moment.”

The look of utter shock and horror that crossed his features absolutely delighted you and his expression eventually changed to recognition.

“Ohhh my god, you scared the shit outta me,” he gasped in relief. “You looked familiar, but I didn’t know why. Jesus. What’ve you been doing, you look like you’re in fighting shape.”

“Funny you should put it that way…” you told him how you’d gotten a new job and what it entailed. “It just made sense.”

“Jensen didn’t tell us you were coming,” he said.

“He doesn’t know,” you said. “I had a feeling this one was important.” What you hadn’t mentioned was that you’d had a nagging feeling that something was wrong, or was bothering Jensen, but you didn’t know what.

“Have you done JIB before?” you asked.

“Oh yeah, sister. Not the first rodeo for ol’ Dick. I take it you haven’t been?”

You shook your head. “Been lots of places, but never Italy.”

“Well, we’re going to have to show you a good time. What hotel are you in?” he asked.

You got out your phone and pulled up your reservation to show Rich.

“Ha! Well, gonna be tough to stay incognito, that’s where Jensen’s staying.”

Of course it is, you thought. “Gonna be hard to surprise him if we’re in the same hotel.”

“Sweetheart, we’ve done a lot of ops together, we’ve hung out backstage and slept together and I didn’t recognize you. And, let’s face it, guys don’t exactly notice things even when we’re looking for them.”

“True,” you agreed. “Do I really look that different?”

He hemmed and hawed a little, “No, but enough. You just seem like you’re in a really good headspace, too.”

“What hotel are yall in?”

You and Rich talked for a while, then you had a meal, watched a movie, and hit the restroom before you decided to sleep. You took off the Dean flannel Jensen left at your house and put it on, grabbed a blanket from one of the flight attendants, got cozy, and shut off your brain. You’d gotten a lot better about getting your sleep when you could get it and managed to get some good hours in before Rich woke you up for landing.

About two hours after landing, you were standing in the most beautiful hotel room you had ever been in. Jensen had steered you in the right direction, but you should have suspected that he would be there, too. Your room had high ceilings and floor to ceiling windows that overlooked a view you couldn’t possibly have planned when you selected the hotel, the Coliseum. It was nice to have such a beautiful room, in a beautiful city. It would have been nice to share it with someone, like Jensen, but you didn’t want to dwell on it. Instead, you threw open the drapes and soaked in the view. It was absolutely stunning.

Eventually, you grabbed your phone and turned it off airplane mode. Ten minutes later, your phone caught up and 13 hours of missed texts, phone calls and emails all flooded your phone at once. You called your mom first and let her know everything was fine, after which she went on to tell you all of the places you should visit while you were there. You reminded her that you were there for the convention and would be lucky if you got to see more of the city. She made you promise to not go alone and you assured her that Rich would look after you.

Amelia, your publisher, had emailed you three times though she knew you were on your way to Rome. Rather than continue to let her stress levels rise, you got your laptop out of your luggage to respond to her properly. She talked to you on chat and an hour later, she had the files and updates she needed from you to be satisfied. The last to be addressed were the text messages.

Your friend, and freelance employee, Jen, texted asking if you were dead in a ditch. You assured her you were not and sent her a selfie of yourself in front of your hotel window and the coliseum in the background. She then called you on video messenger and you ended up showing her your whole room and the view.

You saved Jensen for last. Once you’d responded to everyone, you checked to see if he sent you a text yet. You scrolled down to check for any unread messages from J. Wayne. Only one unread message was left, and it was, indeed, from a Mister Jay Wayne. It merely read, “Here. 419.”

You: Did you have a good flight?

Jay: Must have. Slept the whole way. Wide awake.

You: Is anyone else at the hotel with you?

Jay: No. Just me.

You pushed ‘send’ next to his name. It rang twice before he answered.

“Really, Jay? Two rings before you pick up? I was just texting you.

“Had another call,” he said cryptically.

That feeling of unease came back. “Jay, what happened?”

The deafening silence was bothering you.

“You better tell me,” you ordered. “I’ll figure it out one way or another.”

“Leave it at, I had a bad day.”

“Is there anything I can do to make it a better day? Do you want to watch a movie with me? Wait, what time is it there?”

“Two PM. I feel like it’s the middle of the night, but I slept on the plane.”

“Do you want distractions or solutions?” you asked.

“Isn’t it like 3 AM there?”

“I don’t know man, I’m talking to you and don’t give a shit what time it is. Besides, I’m at work and it’s boring as fuck.”

“That why you waited to call me back?”

“Jay, it’s a federal facility, there are places where phones aren’t allowed. I couldn’t call back until now.”

“Why do you still insist on having a job? Aren’t you writing and publishing like crazy? Aren’t you getting a big fan base? You’re getting a movie made. You don’t have to have an hourly pay job anymore.”

Why, so I can follow you around like I clearly am already doing? You thought. That realization was not new to you. More than once, he had asked you to be closer to him but you had told him no. The circumstances had always been wrong. If you were going to be, even in the same city, you felt like it would be dangerous and that was partly why you didn’t tell him you were in Rome. Sometimes you felt like he treated you like a security blanket who would always be there to make him feel better.

“I sell books, but I don’t make as much as you might think. So I need a job to have financial security. I don’t have the luxury to drop everything and run to you whenever you get your feelings hurt. I’m not someone you can use up and throw away when you get your fill. Now I get that you’re already upset about something, but you’re taking it out on me for some reason, but I don’t know what that is because you won’t tell me. So unless you want to talk about it, I need to get back to work. You better get your shit together before your panel tomorrow.” Not hearing a response of any kind, you checked to see if the call were still connected. Seeing the timer ticking by on the call, you ended it by saying, “Call me after your first event,” and hit the ‘end’ button.

All day Friday, you were either checking out the con vendors or going on self-guided tours in the city. Staying busy like that not only helped improve your mood, but also your adjustment to Rome time. All of the walking actually made your legs hurt. What didn’t hurt was your proximity to the Colosseum. A mere two minute walk away, you took advantage of your location and saw as much as you could.

On Saturday, you decided to get fancy for the con and the panels. Jensen had a panel around eleven and that was when you were going to make your presence in Rome known. Since you’d gotten fit, you’d bought new clothes for the con and it made you feel good to look good and healthy. You put on designer jeans, white t-shirt and a light jacket that had a Burberry plaid on it, and chose a heeled black boot to finish off the outfit. Your hair had blonde highlights and you used products to enhance your naturally wavy hair. When you were happy with your look, you grabbed your handbag filled with what you needed and left your room.

You managed to keep a low profile at JIB as far as guest speakers went. You were pretty sure Rich was the only one who knew you were there, maybe Rob, but you weren’t such good friends that you would be discussed among them and you were glad of it. Your anonymity had become precious to you with the hoopla around your books.

As soon as the doors opened for Jensen’s panel, you went inside and found your seat, waiting for the announcement that his panel would begin. You snapped a few pictures to send to Jen later. Ten minutes into your wait, the seats all around you had filled in and the room was abyss with excitement.

When they finally called him out, you were practically on pins and needles, too. He looked good and happy as usual and was extremely entertaining. You snapped a few more pictures of him for Jen and sent them immediately. You listened to a few people ask their questions and through the process, his gaze never really landed on you, until you shot your hand up for a question. The motion caught his attention and you locked eyes with him.

“This lady here,” he pointed at you.

You looked for the attendant to hand you a microphone.

“Oof. Hi. I’m a little nervous,” you said into the microphone.

Jensen smiled, “You’re doing fine.”

“I was wondering if you have a favorite vacation memory from when you were a kid.”

His grin got bigger. “Oh wow. American. Did you come here just for this? Or do you have other plans?”

“No, I came to meet up with a friend. He recommended a hotel and it’s really close to the city center and has some great walking tours I was hoping to do with him.”

“Is he at the same hotel as you? Hmm, seems like there is a story there,” he was playful.

“You have no idea,” you said.

“So back to your question,” he got back on track, “It’s funny you should ask. I was supposed to go to a camp and I missed the bus. It made my parents mad ‘cause they had a hotel getaway planned and I ruined it, so, they made me go with ‘em.” The audience responded. “Yeah, none of us were happy about it. So we’re in the lobby and this person walks right into me and their stuff goes flying and I see that they are about the same age as me. We hang out, have a good time. They kicked my ass at skeeball. I’m still pissed about it. At the time we said we would be pen-pals.” The audience aww’s. “I know. It’s some cute shit. We still write.” He nodded to the reaction again. “This person is one of my dearest friends to this day. Thanks for the question.”

“Thank you.”

“Good memory,” he grinned at you.

The rest of the panel went great and Jensen was in a great mood the whole time. The panel flew by and before you knew it, his time was up and you were gathering your things to go grab lunch.

“Miss? Excuse me?”

You hadn’t even noticed the woman approaching you. You assumed she worked for the convention.

“Yes?”

“Are you Nova?” You nodded. “Please come with me. Daniella would like to see you.”

“Daniella Daniella? As in promoter of this show, wants to see me?” you were shocked, but gathered your things quickly when she nodded yes. You could only assume that Jensen had told her his nickname for you.

The woman led you up onto the stage and down through to the back to the private area set up for the talent. You found out, through small-talk, that her name was Samantha and she was working her 3rd JIB for Daniella. Finally, she stopped at a set of double doors and led you inside to what turned out to be a talent greenroom. You didn’t see Daniella.

The sight of him never failed to make your heart do an extra hard jump in your chest. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, he never lost that Texas cowboy stance, bow legs and all. He may have been wearing work boots, jeans and t-shirt, but he could have been wearing a suit and you still would have thought, “there’s my cowboy.”

Jensen turned at the sound of the door closing. He stood there a moment to fully register that you really were there with him in Italy. His right shoulder dropped and a grin settled on his handsome features.

“There she is,” he came toward you with arms stretched wide.

You went to him, arms up high. He squeezed the hell out of you lifting your feet off the floor. For giggles, he gave you a little bounce and your back popped from top to bottom eliciting a moan of surprise from you.

“I love it when you do that,” he whispered in your ear.

You smacked his shoulder, “Dude, stop!” You couldn’t help but smile. “Does this mean you got your shit together?” you asked.

He shook his head, “Not even a little, but I’m going to make the best of this trip.”

“Are you going to tell me?”

“Not now, but eventually,” he said.

You didn’t respond right away and looked up at him, searching his face for clues. “Okay. Can I ask, why did you want me to come?”

“You’re my friend and I want my other friends to know you. You’re my friend. They’re my friends. We should all be friends.”

“Such a dork. You’re lucky any of us are willing to be seen with you.”

“I know.” He put his arm around you and introduced you to everyone.

After being in the green room, you ended up spending the rest of the weekend with Jensen and his friends. You could not have asked for a better time. You got to sit backstage and see all of the panels and talk with his friends while they were waiting. It was all just really nice.

One night, the whole group met at your hotel and walked around the city center and landed at an outdoor cafe that was near a huge fountain. Everyone was eating food, drinking drinks and having a good time. You all assumed the camera flash was from the friends group.

You were getting tired and very relaxed, so you were leaning over onto the table, using your arm and table to prop you up while you talked to Jensen, who was practically doing the same thing. *flash* Then Rich came over to you to pull you out of your seat to do some shenanigans with him and the other boys by the fountain. It wasn’t until everyone was practically on the way home to the States that the shit hit the fan.

You happened to be on the same flight to the US as Jensen and you both were sitting in the airport when he got the call from Dee. You were busy looking out the windows trying to soak in all of the sights, but you could still hear almost everything, and it wasn’t good.

The one phrase you could hear quite clearly was, “The pictures are everywhere, Jensen. What am I supposed to think?!”

You tried not to react to her obvious and somewhat justified anger at Jensen. Instead, you immediately searched for new pictures of Jensen on Google and saw exactly why she was mad. You and Jensen had only been talking and telling each other funny stories. You’d even nearly fallen asleep at that table and that was when Rich came to get you. Whomever the photographer was had caught you as you’d nearly bounced your head off the table and Jensen reached out to break your fall. In reality, he was only checking to see if you’d hit your head on the table, but it looked like he was tenderly touching your face. No matter how many times he told Dee he was just checking for an injury, she wouldn’t believe him. As innocent as the pictures were, it was the headlines and speculation that dealt the most damage.

You could barely hear him now and you could tell, in the window reflection, that he was trying not to lose his temper. Thankfully, it was still very early and there weren’t a lot of people to witness the exchange.

As discreetly as you could, you went over to the ticket counter and asked if you could change flights. When they told you what it would cost to change flights and availability, or to change seats on your current flight, you were trying to make a decision on what to do. In the middle of discussing options, Jensen snuck up on you and asked what you were doing.

“Checking for alternate seating and other flights back to the states,” you answered.

“No, you’re not,” he said, matter-of-fact.

“Is this man bothering you?” the gate attendant asked.

“No, it’s okay. He’s not bothering me. Can I come back in a few minutes?” She nodded and said, “of course,” then Jensen pulled you away to talk.

“Why are you changing flights?” he asked.

“Jensen…” you began, “I could hear Dee.”

He sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“I don’t want to upset her more by showing up in Chicago with you. Plus, people not knowing my face is one thing I am extremely happy about. I don’t want any publicity at all and this is the bad kind for you. I may still be able to get away with denying everything, but what about you? What are you going to do?”

“Tell the truth, if anyone asks. You and I need to talk,” he said, looking very serious.

The two of you found the quietest corner in the airport that you could find and Jensen finally told you the reason he was in a sour mood when he arrived in Rome.

“Jensen, I’m so sorry,” you said.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. This is all on me. “All you ever wanted was a friend and to follow your dream, just like me.”

“Has she said anything else?”

“No, not yet.”

“Think she will?”

He shrugged.

“Jay, I really am sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

The last text he had sent Y|N was before the fight was asking if she was going to JIB. Dee made her feelings known that she did not like the nature of his relationship with Y|N, saying they were way too close to only be friends. Maybe it had been a mistake to tell Dee he had only kissed her one time and it had been over ten years before he even met Dee. They just had a closeness that only friends of over twenty years could have.

February 2016

Soft, non-descript music played over the sound system. It was oddly quiet for the enormous amount of people he knew were inside. He signed the book with his usual “Jay Wayne” and walked toward the double doors. People were still mingling, but he spotted Y|N at the front, sitting by herself, staring straight ahead.

He moved his way through the crowds of people as he tried to get to Y|N. He didn’t see her mom or brother as he weaved his way to the front. He sidestepped into the row and sat on the pew next to her. She barely acknowledged his presence. He put his hand over her and she turned her wrist to clasp his hand in return.

“How are you holding up?” he asked quietly.

“Surprisingly well. Got a lot of my crying out of the way already. But I went a little crazy at the store. Saw a friend and I honestly don’t remember what I said to him…and I never see anyone I know there. It was weird.”

“I thought Sir would always be around to scare the shit out of me.”

“His brothers are here.”

“Thee brothers?”

She nodded. “Don’t worry, they’re old men in bad hats.”

Jensen looked around and picked out the three men in hats he suspected to be Y|N’s uncles.

“They look like guys who have seen and done things.”

“That’s fair,” she responded. A few beats passed, “I can’t believe he’s gone, Jay.”

He put his arm behind her on the pew and she moved closer to him.

“I knew something was off at Thanksgiving, even then it was still too late…” she said.

“Then you know there wasn’t anything you could have done differently.”

“Oh I know, but I’m still mad. He should have been at a desk job instead of still out on job sites. My uncle took him from me. Took away any special moments we should have had. Took him from his grandchildren… by the way, I’m an aunt again, but my nephew will never know him. He will never get to walk me down the aisle.” The rage willed up inside her. “I will never forgive him. I hope he feels guilty for the rest of his miserable life and rots in the misery of it.”

“Do we need to go outside?” he asked, leaning to talk into her ear.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll just do what I always do, shove it deep down inside where it can fester instead of telling every last motherfucker in here exactly what I think of them.”

“Okay, we’re going outside.”

He stood up with her and took her hand to lead her through the crowds of people and met her mom on the way.

“Oh Jensen, you came. That’s so good of you.” she said and she noticed Y|N behind him.

“Of course. I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m sorry, but I need to get her outside…”

“Oh boy, I know that look. Through those doors and to the left, then right,” she pointed the way.

He didn’t waste time and got her outside. It was like watching a piece of hot metal skittering around in a cold pan. She was literally so hot, she was practically steaming in the cold air.

“He’s got some fucking balls showing his face here. He didn’t even recognize me at the hospital, or so he said. I haven’t changed that much! That sonofabitch worked his own brother to death! Always sending him and his crew out to fix what my cousin’s incompetent crew fucked up. Do you know he never even gave my dad a raise in all the years he worked for him? Not once, Jay. But my dad was too good of a person to ask, but he shouldn’t have had to do that of his own brother. Of course, there probably wasn’t anything left to give after all the scams he ran to embezzle money out of his own company.”

Jensen looked around and noticed a crowd had formed. He tried to calm her, but she needed to say what she needed to say.

“How does a piece of shit human like him continue to suck air and MY DAD IS DEAD?! I hope the guilt of what he’s done eats him up inside until there’s nothing left. All my dad ever did was try to get along with everyone and you just used him and used him til you got what you needed and he never even so much asked for a thank you from you. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!”

An old woman started walking toward Y|N. “That’s enough now. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Don’t you take another step toward me you two-faced blowhard, bitch. You’re just as bad as him,” she pointed at her uncle. “Maybe even worse because you suck up to him. Why’d you even come back here? You were already retired in Florida. Did you think Bob was going to share his stolen wealth with you? Did you think he would help you in any way whatsoever? Who was it that showed up when you needed help? It sure as fuck wsn’t Bob! My dad didn’t even want this service, but you browbeat and conned my brother into convincing my mother to have it! Do you have enough attention now, Faye, or should I continue?”

It was then that her brother came through the crowd, pushed Jensen’s arm away, picked Y|N up and carried her about thirty feet further back in the funeral parking lot.

“What the hell are you doing?” Jarrod was angry.

“Telling the truth,” she answered.

Jarrod was fuming. “I’m not going to say anything of what you said was wrong, but this wasn’t the time to do it. What about Mom?”

“She agrees with me! Do you even listen to her? You’re so blinded by all of the shit they do, Jarrod,” she stood toe to toe with her much larger brother.

Jarrod’s face was red with anger, or maybe it was embarrassment, at what Y|N had said. Jarrod turned to Jensen, “Handle her.”

Jarrod walked back toward the now somewhat dissipated crowd and talked to them. His already loud voice carried on the breeze, “If anyone here doesn’t like what my sister had to say, you may leave at any time. It will not be discussed any further at this service. Please go back inside if you want to stay.”

Jensen took off his suit jacket and put it around Y|N’s shoulders. Her anger unload had left her shivering and in a sobbing mess. He put his arms around her and let her cry it out. It took five agonizing minutes of grief sobs for her to eventually slow down and breathe normally again.

“You must think I’m crazy,” she said softly, clutching his now well-used pocket square.

“Where I’m from, we call women like you ‘spicy”.” he said gently walking her back toward the funeral home.

“Do you believe me?”

“Never known you to lie, Y|N.’

They stepped inside and she gave him back his jacket.

“Do you want to stay or go to your mom’s?” he asked.

She shook her head, “No. We’re staying and whomever doesn’t look me in the eye is someone who is guilty. You watch.”

He did, indeed, watch and she wasn’t wrong. People avoided her gaze, either out of the guilt she suspected, or to avoid her wrath from whatever reason. Some smiled at her in sympathy and a few came to check on her. The cousins he remembered from the races were among those who checked on her. The older one commented how Y|N got both her mom & dad’s temper before giving her a hug and moving on.

Eventually they were back outside again for the military honors which ended the memorial service. He stood away from the immediate family seating, but close enough to step in if needed. His heart hurt for her, seeing her jump out of her skin during the rifle salute.

She was getting up from her seat and Jensen’s attention was drawn to a bottle blonde who may have, at one time, been attractive and was now very wrinkled and unnaturally tan. She was watching Y|N too intently for his liking.

Sure enough, as soon as Y|N was somewhat on her own, the blonde made her move. She marched right over to Y|N and nearly shoved her in her rapid approach.

“What is wrong with you?!” she hissed.

“Does the truth hurt? Can’t help but notice none of you are trying to deny anything. Tell me, how much company money was spent bailing out Junior when he got picked up, repeatedly, for DUI? Y|N wasn’t keeping her voice down. “Did you call it ‘office expenses’?”

Jensen didn’t interfere, but he was right beside her, ready.

“What gives you the right to talk about us like that? As if you don’t have skeletons in your closet?”

“My skeletons don’t include embezzlement, baby daddies, alcoholic siblings, abortions, or fraud spanning years. In fact, my skeleton is pretty fucking epic, but your skanky ass will never hear it from me. One day, you’ll just know, and in that moment, it will be my big Fuck You to all of you criminals.”

Jensen swooped in and pulled her out of the situation and got her to the Range Rover he got at the airport. It still surprised him that such a small city always had a new Range Rover for him to rent.

“Feel better?” he asked, with them both safely inside the locked car.

“Yeah,” she answered quickly. “That felt really, really good.”

He started the car. “Spicy, spicy. I swear, it’s never dull around you.”

At your parents’ house, you made sure to pull your mom aside.

“I’m sorry if what I did causes any problems for you,” you apologized.

“Honey, don’t worry about it. They had it coming as far as I’m concerned,” she assured you. “Just be careful around them. They play dirty.”

“Mm,” you’d thought of that after the fact. “I text my lawyer already. If they want to do something, I’m ready.”

Your mom gave you a devious look, “Did Shelley give you good stuff?”

“Lawyer was happy,” you confirmed.

She looked up at you like you were some kind of mastermind. She wasn’t wrong considering the fact that you’d been gathering information for years, evidence, before you even knew your father was dying. Your lawyer felt criminal, maybe even federal, charges could be filed if you simply gave the word.

“If I haven’t said so recently, or told you enough, I’m so proud of you,” your mom pulled you down for a hug. “I saw Jensen was looking after you.”

“Yeah, he’s a good guy to have in my corner.”

“Did he seem okay to you?” she asked.

You gave her a pointed look. “Are Donna and Alan here?” Your mom only asked questions like that for a reason.

“No,” she said, “they’ll be here tomorrow, though.”

“Very cryptic, mother,” you said. You looked around to see if you could spot where Jensen was hiding.

“Better find him before the girls do,” your mom said, meaning your cousins. Two of them were married, but not the oldest of the three sisters, however, they were all wildcards

Thankfully, or maybe not, you found him sitting on the bed in your childhood bedroom.

“How do you always find the most embarrassing things about me?” you said from the door.

“I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” he put down the unicorn snow globe your dad got for you.

“Dad got me that at an airport because he was away on a work trip on my birthday,” you told him. “I don’t remember anything else I got that year, but I remember that.”

You sat on the bed next to him.

“Thank you for being here, Jay. I really don’t know what I would do without you,” you put your head on his shoulder. “How’s everything with you?”

“Could be better, could be worse,” he admitted. “Nothing I really want to talk about right now.”

“Understood. You know you can tell me, though, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” he nodded.

“Okay,” you knew better than to push. If he wanted to talk, he would. He probably just needed to work out the details in his head first.

“Remember Rome?” he asked a few moments later.

“How could I forget? Everything was so incredible,” you said.

He nodded, “Remember Danneel and I arguing?”

“Oh no, has something else happened?”

“We’ve been going to counseling and it’s not going well. She’s mad I’m here. Thinks I give you too much attention still.”

You let go of his hand and turned your body away from his so you could see his face. Jensen adjusted to do the same.

“So what do you need to tell me?” you asked. Your stomach hurt all over again. You didn’t want to hear the words you knew were coming.

“The thing is, she’s not wrong. I don’t want to get divorced if there’s a chance. If you don’t hear from me, you know why.”

Of course you understood, you just never thought it would be nearly total silence. Then, out of the blue, you would receive a thick letter or a box from anywhere but Texas. In the boxes would be snow globes, or a piece of glass he thought you would like and lots of letters. Other times you would receive a postcard of a pretty landscape and only signed “J”.

While you missed your friend with a terrible ferocity, it made you happy to know he still thought about you and missed you, too. The letters that came in the box were often 3x their usual length because he still told you everything, they would just show up months and months after they happened.

When your doorbell rang, you thought it was the mailman bringing you another box from Jensen. You went down the steps to answer the door with a little light in your step. You could see a man through the frosted window and you knew something was different.

If you’d bet $5 on who could have been on the other side of the door, you would have lost $5. When you opened the door, you were utterly stunned to see a very tall, dark, and handsome Dan looking back at you.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

“I don’t know if I can do that without yelling,” you were honest. “I have very strong feelings, Dan.”

“I know and I deserve that. I still want to talk,” he said.

You looked around behind him. “Where’s Martin? He must be lurking somewhere.”

“It’s just me.”

“No Roscoe, either?”

“Fully solo, I swear.”

Somehow, you found yourself opening the door to him, allowing him into your home.

Dan had been surprisingly apologetic and admitted how wrong he had been getting involved with another woman.

“Got anything to say about leaving me high and dry in a hospital after losing your baby?” you asked, hearing the acid in your voice.

“I don’t have any excuses, or any explanation where what I did would make sense. I went to therapy, too…and…”

“Do you have a coherent thought in there or are you wasting my time again?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t think I ever gave you the right attention. I never let you get too close. I didn’t want to fall in love with you.”

“Yeah, that was painfully clear, Dan.”

“I did, though…fall in love with you.”

“Oh really?”

“I was hoping,” he began, “we could try again. Us. As a couple. What do you think?”

“Man, you’ve got some balls on you. Why on earth would I do that, so you can shit-stomp my heart again?”

“All I’m asking for is a second chance. We had something before. We can start fresh.”

“Huh. I thought you were going to be corny and say ‘Hi, I’m Dan’ or something like that.”

“I’m dead serious.”

He sat with his hands clasped in front of him on the island. He seemed sincere and remorseful, but you didn’t trust a word out of his mouth.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Dan, but I’m going with ‘no’ on this.” you took the few steps to the door. “You abandoned me at my lowest point after cheating on me. I want to believe you, but I know I will never trust you again.”

You opened the door wide and swung your free arm with your finger pointed to the exit.

“Wish I could say it was good to see you. Tell your parents I said “hi” and tell Dee she can go fuck herself.”

He sighed heavily as he passed the threshold. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”

“Good! You should be! And I do NOT forgive you. Now get the fuck gone. You’re good at that.”

And you had gotten good at acting like things didn’t bother you. Hell, you almost believed you didn’t give a shit, yourself. But as soon as the outside door clicked shut, the tears began to well up. Your stomach had been doing flip-flops and shudders the whole time Dan had been in your apartment. It still felt like he was in the apartment with you, sucking all of the air out of your lungs. You ran for the fire escape door, flung it open and ran up the stairs.

You went over to the deck and laid down on your back. Finally, you could breathe again. Your whole apartment seemed to have a new, oppressive vibe. Everywhere there were memories that you didn’t want to remember. Your dad and Jensen, mostly… all of the useless boyfriends… You needed a change.

December 2019

You sat on the deck of your new house, bundled in a giant, cozy blanket, drinking hot chocolate in front of the fire pit. Fixings for s’mores were near you on a little table next to your chair, which happened to be one your dad made for you. You’d just opened the marshmallows when your phone rang with a video call from Jensen. You left the phone on the arm of your chair when you accepted the video call.

“Dahling, it’s been ages, how are you!?” you were giving Jay your best Edna Mode. You leaned over a little so you could see his face in the screen better. Still in Edna-mode, “My god you look like shit. Talk to me, dahling, tell me everything.”

“You done? Can I talk to my friend now?” he snipped.

“Only if you get the bug out of your ass, fun-hating party-pooper,” you replied.

“Have you heard about this corona virus thing?”

“Of course,” you answered. Suddenly the worry struck you. “Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine, but they’re canning production. Soonest I could get out of here is tomorrow morning,” he paused. “Where are you and where’s your face? This is face-time. I wanna see your face.”

“I’m outside,” you said and smooshed your marshmallow between graham crackers and chocolate, “Making s’mores.” you showed him your completed sandwich.

“Isn’t that dangerous on the roof?” he asked.

You just stared at him in disbelief. “Jay, do you even read the letters I send you? I must have wrote about it a dozen times or more. I even sent you paint chips early on.”

The crease between Jensen’s eyebrows deepened. “I must have missed it,” he concluded.

You suspected that him missing something was not the case at all. If anything, Jensen could be meticulous to a fault.

“I built a house, Jay,” you explained. “I’m sitting outside, on my deck, wrapped in a blanket and having s’mores… probably for dinner.” You shrugged after taking a bite. “It’s an acreage and I can see the stars out here.”

A few awkward moments passed before either of you spoke. Jensen went out onto the balcony at his apartment in Vancouver.

“Congrats on the house, Y|N,” he said, finally. “I’m glad you have somewhere you can be in case this shit goes sideways. …do you have protection?”

You snickered, your mind had all of the dirty comments, but you answered seriously “Um, yeah, I’m all set. The house is actually ready for almost anything. And yes, I have a security system and various… implements if needed. Pantry is stocked. Lots of land for a garden. All of the streaming services,” you could see him nod with each item you listed. “What about you? You gonna make it in Austin okay?” he rolled his eyes. “You know Texas takes their yee-haw too far. I hope the gate is sturdy at your house.”

“If they make us lockdown, I’ll be in Austin with Danneel.” he said. “We got all the things, too,” he said with finality.

You’d finished your s’more and wished you’d spiked your hot chocolate.

“Do you think it will happen?” you asked.

“I don’t know, but if we do, I just wanted to make sure you were good to go. You wanna show me around the new digs?”

“Nah, I’m feeling pretty lazy right now,” you held up the phone over your head to show him what little could be seen with the dim lighting you had on. “That’s as good as you’re getting tonight.”

“Not decorating for Christmas? And what is that?,” he leaned forward as if he would somehow get a better look, “is that cement?”

“Nosy.”

“I bet the neighbors love that,” he teased.

You adjusted in your chair. “The neighbors can’t see shit. Closest one is at least a mile away, plus there’s trees, hills and the river. You can’t even see the house from the road.”

“There it is. I was wondering what got you out of the apartment; the river.”

You shrugged, “It’s partly why I bought the land. It was hard to be in the apartment.”

“How come?”

Sometimes he could be so oblivious. “All I could see up there were memories I didn’t want to think about anymore. Reminders that I’m never anyone’s first choice. Maybe I’ll get a dog.” You felt the sting in your eyes and the burning feeling in your nose hit you hard. You took a deep breath and cleared your throat to cut off the feelings of loneliness that were threatening to spill out in a torrent.

Sadly, you knew he thought you were talking about all of the ex boyfriends you had and not considering he may be one of the reasons you couldn’t stay at the apartment any longer.

“Dude, no. Just… don’t get a dog. And I’m sorry. Are you renting it out, or what?”

“Yeah, my mom, actually. She needed to get away from memories, too,” you said.

“She doin’ good? Give her my best,” he said. When you nodded, he continued, “So, when is the next smut book coming out?”

“Jay, it’s not smut. … It’s not all smut. People compare me both to Nicholas Sparks and Hallmark and Danielle Steel, so I’m not quite sure what to make of that, but it’s not all smut. People really like romance and I’m told I put good little bits of humor in, too.”

“Are you ever going to use me as a muse?”

You never knew what to think of him asking that. Did he want you to think of him as a romantic partner?

“No. Stop asking. I told you I have you in mind for something else.”

“What ever happened with that?” he asked.

“I’ve published a few books,” you said.

“What? You have?” the crease between his brows was back. “You didn’t tell me that.”

Your career had only amounted to something when you finally got over your fear of letting anyone read your stories. You didn’t even know if you would have been able to write at all if you were with Jensen. Even so, you couldn’t help but feel like you’d missed out on a life with him.

“Because I didn't want you to know. You know how it is. It’s doing good though. Just leave it alone, okay?”

He couldn’t. “So I’m guessing it’s not under Nova Scott?”

“Jensen. Stop.”

It was really good to see him and it had been too long since the last time. You always felt better after talking to him, even when he was in a pissy mood. When you got the Face-Time calls, you finally felt like you were whole again. And after you hung up, you were back to missing him.

Pandemic 2020-2022

As far as your career went, you couldn’t have asked for better conditions. People were reading books like crazy and you had never written as consistently, or as much, as you had prior to that time. You quit your full-time job and got a job at the local grocery store with part-time hours. With all of your “free time”, you learned how to make soap and got prolific at crochet and cranked out a ton of scarves, blankets, potholders and coasters.

It was working at the grocery store, where you would get a little downtime, and could have a chance to look at the magazines and tabloids. Rumors on the tabloids speculated that Jensen and Danneel were talking to divorce lawyers. Since it was a tabloid, you didn’t give it much credence. But, several months later, when People Magazine picked up the story, your heart sank. As much as you didn’t like Dee, you knew the rumors had to be true and Jensen was surely hurting.

The pandemic had thrown a lot of lives into a turmoil that many had never faced before. Not every couple survived. Jensen being forced to slow down and not work so hard probably didn’t help matters. There were times when you tried to call him during his life’s upheaval, but for whatever reason, he didn’t take your call. You almost called his mom to see how he was doing, but you didn’t. When a year and a half passed with minimal contact from him, the tabloids showed Jensen out on the town with a new woman every few months. It stung that he didn’t want you. After all you had been through together, you thought maybe your time had finally come where you could finally be Jensen & Y|N.

You were trying to not see too much about what was going on, but it was hard not to notice the chatter on social media. Usually, if Jensen or Jared were out on the town, it was Jared who made headlines. After Dee, it was Jensen, and whatever flavor of the month, was on his arm.

If he had been with you, maybe you would have been able to keep him from spiraling into whatever dark hole he was falling into. He was still together enough to get a job with Kripke again and started weight training for the role. When he posted progress pictures, you couldn't believe your eyes. Not only was he looking more like himself again, but he was also very hairy and muscular… You learned from a fan site that the pictures were old and he was already planning his next job, a movie with Alec Baldwin… he hadn’t even told you that… It felt like you were drifting away from him with any form of communication almost non-existent, not even a letter.

When the incident on the set of “Rust” happened and got to the press, you texted him to see if he was okay, but all you got in response was a house emoji a few hours later. And that was it. Radio silence.

A couple of months after “Rust”, Donna called you out of the blue.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Y|N? Hon, have you heard from my boy?” Donna asked, a worried note crept into her voice.

Your blood ran cold. Donna couldn’t contact him.

“Not since Arizona,” you said. “How long since you heard from him?”

“Same time. We’ve checked with everyone else already. We were hoping he was with you.”

“No, ma’am,” the gravity of the situation pulled you down into your kitchen table chair. “I haven’t seen him in person since before covid. No letters in over a year.”

“I need you to find him. A whole new mess has cropped up. Some hussy saying terrible things,” she paused, noticing you didn’t say anything. “You haven’t heard… it’s all over TMZ. Y|N, I need you to find him and help him.”

“I…,” you didn’t know where to begin. “I don’t know how I’m going to find him if you can’t track him down.”

She sighed. “I don’t know that anyone but you can find him. You are his best friend, hon. He loves you so much . Nothing would stop him if it were you. And sweetie,” she paused, “he won’t come back for anyone but you. I’m sure of it.”

“I’ll find him.”

You didn’t have to dig too deep to find what Donna was talking about. A woman claiming to be a girlfriend of his sold pictures of him, passed out, to TMZ saying he was on a bender. That wasn’t the worst part. She also sold pictures of herself with injuries, claiming that Jensen had caused them. Just by looking at the pictures, you could tell something wasn’t quite right with her story. You believed the injuries were real, but not that Jensen was responsible. He would never raise a hand to a woman.

The only thing you could think to do was go to your box of Jensen letters and search for anything you thought might help. It took a couple days to read through them all. You narrowed it down to the more obscure postal codes and worked out from there. After researching everything from land purchases to DMV records and tons of phone calls, you’d created a list of three potential places to check out.

You closed your laptop and looked around at your house before picking up your phone.

“Mom, I need you to look after my house for a while.”

#jensen ackles rpf #wildwood #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #spn fanfiction

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cchickki · 11 months ago

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"About the Blogger" Meme

Thanks for tagging me @currymanganese! ❤️ sorry i'm doing this super late ugh

Star Sign(s):

virgo sun, pisces moon, capricorn rising (i can list my entire chart if anyone is interested lol)

Favorite Holidays:

i'm not religious but i absolutely love christmas. my favorite time of year and favorite holiday. i get depressed whenever it's over and i have to take the decorations down.

Last Meal:

i think a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. i was craving it lol

Current Favorite Musician:

lana del rey and kendrick lamar! i listen to a lot of music and all different genres, but those are my go to. there's something about fantastic writing/wordplay and production across both of their genres that just inspires me and transports me to a different place when i listen.

if anyone is interested, my spotify profile is here: (x)

When the Tigers Broke Free by Pink Floyd

The Wall is one of my favorite albums!

Last Movie Watched:

Everything Everywhere All At Once

i'm so glad i finally got to watch this movie, it was incredible. although watching it with my boomer dad at parts was awkward (aka the butt plug part lmaoooo)

Last TV Show Watched:

oh man, still trying to finish Succession, my husband is dragging his feet with it even though we both are enjoying it. finished The Boys almost 2 months ago, need to start Gen V soon. i'm bad at finishing shows, unless they're mini series.

Last Book/Fic Finished:

i recently reread Concrete Rose by Angie Thomas, the prequel to The Hate U Give. i haven't finished any of my fics in awhile, except for the two mini requests from my friend @chrissymodi-frost.

Last Book/Fic Abandoned:

oh boy... i've got quite a few i'm struggling to get through... just look at my ao3 and you can see how bad my writer's block has gotten lately :(

Currently Reading:

rereading The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas <3

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation:

i graduated in may 2023 with my art history degree, so i was deep into ancient egyptian history and art, and had to write a hefty 20 page paper on german painter Albrecht Dürer. my most recent hyperfixation was the uncharted games again, so while writing i was researching the Hoysala empire

Favorite Online Fandom Memory:

first joining tumblr and meeting so many friends on here. but i'll tell you back in 2013 when the citadel dlc for mass effect launched, that was an incredible build up and very fun few months.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence:

not really an "old" fandom, but i was HEAVY into spiderverse over the summer, met some great mutuals through it. i still spiderverse, but don't feel as fixated with it at the moment. the fandom was kind of annoying with some people's think pieces, not gonna lie, and kind of turned a few of us off from it. i'm sure it'll have another "resurgence" when the next movie Beyond the Spiderverse comes out!

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did:

most recently the movie The Creator! movie was so visually stunning, with great/powerful themes, and one of my favorite tropes: found family (kinda) with a father/daughter dynamic. not enough people liked it/saw it which sucks, so the fandom is pretty much non existent for it. i want more art and fanfics from it! i'm going to be buying it soon, that way i can get inspirited and hopefully create more for it!

Tempting Project You're Trying to Reign In/Don't Have Time For:

i was working on creating a real-life version of nate's notebook from uncharted 4. it's taking a lot of time, and is quite an undertaking so i had to take a break from it. i do want to continue it though!

no pressure tags (sorry if you were already tagged!): @mothertodaughters, @chrissymodi-frost. @malabadspice, @not-those-kids, @durrtydawg, @lilylavender, @lilsnatch, @libertatias, @xinamiguel, @georgieluz, @distantsonata, @soft-girl-musings (and anyone else who wants to! sorry i'm trying to remember all my moots tumblr names)

#tag game #long post #about the blogger

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goldenavenger02 · 1 year ago

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i'm getting tired (even for a phoenix)

“I’m still standing because of you,” Jay insisted, getting off of the edge of the bed to seemingly prove his point, “I made it because of you.”

Nya nodded, the guilt still building in her chest as she wiped the tears off of her cheeks, “I want to kill him.”

Prequel to "i'll hold my breath a little bit longer"

Nya traced over the white and red, jagged marks with her thumb as the monitors beeped in her ear telling her “he’s alive”.

Being a ninja was dangerous, all of them knew that. She had taken part in the lessons about field medicine when Master Wu was giving them to the other four ninja, even though it was on her insistence after telling him that she was Samurai X.

And it wasn’t like none of them had ever been in the hospital because of it; she had been in a similar situation with Lloyd less than six months ago, after unlocking her true potential.

But this was different. When Lloyd had been in the hospital, she felt safe and she felt relieved. Morro couldn’t hurt her little brother ever again, Ninjago was safe, and she had found out what was holding her back from unlocking her powers.

The clinic attached to the police precinct was for less extensive injuries then this, but Ninjago City General was apart of Nadakhan’s twisted copy of Dijinjago, so when they arrived on the shore and Jay started coughing up blood before passing out in her arms, this was their only option.

She hadn’t escaped unscathed, but the bruising on her arms from the pirates holding her back from the others and the cut on her forehead from hitting it on the deck as a result of Cole’s wish was nothing compared to everything they had found on Jay’s unconscious body.

There were the injuries Nya could see, like the cut on his left eyelid that had forced the eye to swell shut, the lichtenberg figures on his hands from the powers being too strong within the confines of Vengestone, the bright red circle that encased his ankle thanks to the ball and chain and the split lips from the altitude although she suspected that the swelling had come from the same place as his injured eye.

But she also knew that his ribs were broken to the point that one of them had punctured his left lung, that he had a concussion, that he was so weak that he could hardly walk when Cole had found him and that there was very few spots on his pale skin that were not adorned in some sort of gash or bruise.

It made her wonder just how much enjoyment the crew of Misfortune’s Keep had gotten out of watching someone so light-hearted get beat down over and over again in an attempt to make him break.

Thinking about it nearly made her vomit.

“I know you can’t hear me, but I promise you,” she stopped to bring her hand to his freckled cheek, “we are going to get out of this alive.”

…

They had been at sea for hours.

All they had to their name was a duffle bag of necessities that Jay had grabbed, a duffle bag of medical supplies that the exhausted registered nurse had handed her, the row boat they were traveling in and Jay’s mix of both chivalry and stubbornness as he continue to pull them toward where they would be staying until they could figure out how Jay was meant to word his last wish.

And Nya was sick of it.

She was sick of losing, she was sick of being “the girl ninja”, she was sick of not being able to make her own choices and above all, she was sick of Jay.

It wasn’t that she hated him, the opposite was the truth; their shared love for bad TV dramas, the fact that he was the only one who could make her laugh, how they were so different that their personalities gelled well and worked off of each other.

And how with each passing day, she couldn’t stop herself from falling more and more in love with him.

But she couldn’t tell him all of that.

Not when they had a lovestruck diijn chasing them, not when they were in the middle of the endless sea and especially not while Jay still had the idea in his head that they were meant to be together all because of a reflection he had seen in the tomb of The First Spinjitzu Master.

As much as she wanted what he had seen to be true, as much as she loved so much about Jay, she wanted to have a say in it as well; she hadn’t been given a choice with her destiny as the water ninja but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have a say in her relationship.

“Please let me take a turn.” She begged after Jay brought his arms around again and his breathing grew heavy while he pulled in a shrill gasp of air, “if this our way of traveling with a low profile, the least I could do is help row.”

It was bad enough he was being stubborn but just an hour before the bombs had dropped, he had still been receiving care for his various injuries he had obtained aboard Misfortune’s Keep at the small clinic.

Most of the gashes had scabbed over, his concussion was mild, the coloring of the bruising had faded from purple to yellowish-green, he had pushed his auburn curls back down, covered up his freckles again and he was able to open his left eye now, but he could go downhill if he continued to push himself like he was doing at this very moment.

“No, no. I won’t hear it. You saved me last time, this time let me take care of you,” he insisted, pulling in gasping breaths that made her heart twist in worry that one too many rows and his broken ribs would puncture his lung again, “besides, a gentleman would never let a lady row.”

‘There’s that damn chivalry again.’

“Oh, look!” He shouted with a shaky breath, “we’re almost there!”

Sure enough, the gap between their small boat and the very large and very tall lighthouse where Zane’s father had been held captive by the skeletons was closing in on them.

But if she was being completely honest with herself, she was more so excited to get inside and get settled in so she could finally get Jay to rest and keep him from injuring himself more.

‘I would never forgive myself if he hurt himself trying to uphold his bizarre standards about me.’

She was so lost in thought that she only zoned in on the second half of what Jay was saying about how Nadakhan could search all of Ninjago but never find them before reaching her hand towards the water and propelling them forward at a much faster speed then even an uninjured person could row.

In fact, the movement caught Jay so off guard that he fell onto her legs and she waited for a sound of pain, but when he looked up at her with a sheepish grin, she couldn’t help but smile as she spoke, “you said I couldn’t row. I’m not rowing.”

The time between the boat washing up on the shore and the two of them ascending the stairs of the abandoned lighthouse was quick, but not quick enough for her to notice that Jay had offered his hand to help her out of the boat for a brief second before pulling it away and for her to hear his labored breathing as the two of them made their way inside.

Sure enough, everything was empty; they had brought all of the food that had been stored by Julien with them on their way to The Dark Island along with most of the personal belongings but at least they had the reassurance that they weren’t in Ninjago as well as working utilities.

“Actually, it’s a nice little resort,” Jay joked with a chuckle as he set his duffle bag on the table, “vacant for years, yet not a sign of dust.”

It was the same chuckle that came about when he didn’t really find what he was saying funny, more so that he was using his joking demeanor to hide his anxiety about the current situation, a chuckle Nya knew all too well.

Just dumping the contents of the duffle bag out set off an alarm only for the little robot who had served them tea the last time they were there to roll out with a few beeps, jump up onto the table and start putting everything back in the bag.

She couldn’t stop herself from chuckling, feeling the adrenaline that had quickly built up inside of her chest dissipate. “Oh,” she let out a sigh of relief, watching as the robot zipped up the bag, “I forgot Zane’s father liked his toys,” she stopped to turn to Jay, “what did you bring?”

“Oh, uh…” Jay stuttered, unzipping the bag and starting to go through the list, pulling each item out only for the robot to put them back. It would have been amusing if Nya hadn’t noticed how much he was blinking with squinted eyes.

“Enough food for a week, change of clothes, the vial of poison Nadakhan doesn’t know we have and finally, one teapot of Traveler’s Tea, but only just in case all else fails.”

“Great,” Nya nodded, putting her much heavier duffle bag on the table, making sure to keep it neat so the robot wouldn’t mess with it, “do you wanna go over the plan again?”

“Nya, what’s in there?” Jay answered her question with a question, forcing her to avoid his prying eyes to hopefully get him to drop it, but he was persistent, “and why is it in a Ninjago City EMS bag?”

She sighed, and unzipped the zipper before reading out the post-it note that the nurse who had patched Nya up and saved Jay’s life had inventoried everything in the bag.

“Antibiotic ointment, bandages, band-aids, gauze strips, rubbing alcohol, hand sanitizer, nitrile gloves, oral pain killers, ointment for joint pain, a penlight, a thermometer, a spare eyepatch and an oxygen concentrator.”

Jay was silent for a moment, pressing his teeth into his chapped bottom lip; she didn’t know if he would deny the help, or act innocent in pretending that he had no idea what they were for, but he just stood up a bit straighter, cleared his throat and started to go over the plan again.

“Okay, if Nadakhan shows up, we shoot him with the poison. Then when he can’t use his magic, I say my last wish and save Ninjago,” his nervous chuckle returned as he finished speaking, “a wish Lloyd told me is said from my heart, a heart that has no clue what it could be but if said incorrectly could likely make everything ten times worse!”

“You’ll think of it,” Nya insisted, trying to make her voice sound soothing to quell Jay’s anxiety, “you always do. Now, let’s get settled in,” she insisted, taking the two duffle bags with her towards the twin bed in the corner in order to keep the robot from continuing to mess with them, “we could use the peace and quiet to think.”

The air was silent for the next twenty minutes as Nya took off her gloves and started cooking some soup on the small stove; using so little ingredients to try and ration out food as well as fill two stomachs for more than an hour was all too reminiscent of Four Weapons, of her childhood and of Kai.

‘Oh, Kai,’ she realized as she continued to chop the carrots and onions.

There had been so much going on between the disappearances, Jay getting captured and Nadakhan’s twisted plan for her that she hadn’t been able to take time to fully process that her big brother had been the first of the ninja to be taken.

Kai, who had protected her since day one. Kai, who only became a ninja to save her from Garmadon. Kai, who had stepped back when she became Samurai X because he knew she could protect herself, but also let her know that he would be the first one to take down anyone who hurt her if she needed him too.

She knew she could protect herself, she had done it so many times before…but the assurance that he would be the first to come after her had instilled the same cockiness that he threw around until he found himself in too deep.

Her tears ran down her cheeks and onto the flames of the stovetop which hissed in retaliation to the point where Jay asked if she was okay from the other side of the room.

“Y-yeah,” she wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her gi and continued cutting the vegetables, “just cutting onions!”

‘I will save you, Kai,’ she thought to herself, wondering briefly if her thoughts could penetrate the sword he was currently trapped in, ‘Jay and I will save all of you.’

But after tossing in the carrots, onion and celery, the soup had to simmer and she had to busy herself with her next task on her mental checklist she was keeping, which just so happened to be checking over Jay’s injuries.

“Dinner smells good.” He told her from where he sat on the floor as she walked over, seemingly testing the robot’s functions and patience with the reaction time of setting something on the floor and how fast it would put it away, “I’m calling him Gizmo, by the way. “Robot” seems offensive.”

“Gizmo it is,” she agreed, crossing her arms across her chest as she leaned against the wall and found the courage to ask, “how are you doing?”

“Oh, just fine,” his anxiety made itself known through his sentences instantly, “sure, all of our friends are trapped inside of a magic sword and Nadakhan is probably hunting us down at this very moment but at least we’re all alone in this lighthouse in the middle of nowhere,” his laugh sounded hollow as he put a bag of chips on the ground to watch Gizmo pick it up, “right?”

“Jay, I really think you should let me check you over,” she cut straight to the chase, watching as his shoulder muscles tensed in response, “to make sure nothing is getting worse.”

“Nya, I’m fine-”

“Just let me help you, please.” She cut him off which instantly caused his mouth to shut in stunned silence.

She tried not to cut him off unless she had to these days, wanting to make sure everyone else got words in even if she wasn’t able to find her own, but after having zero control over anything for days, she couldn’t do it any more.

But to her surprise, Jay sighed in surrender and sat down on the bed so that he was facing her, his right brown eye shimmering in the light of the setting sun before speaking again with a much softer voice, “be careful.”

Nya nodded before opening the duffle bag; she rubbed the hand sanitizer over her palms and the back of her hands, wincing when the alcohol seeped into one of the many small cuts on her hands.

‘At least I know my hands are clean.’ She tried to look on the bright side as she put on two of the bright purple gloves before turning to Jay and asking, “where do you want me to start?”

Nya knew the logical answer was his chest or his left eye, but she could see just how tense Jay was, how scared he was of her touch.

She had no idea what those pirates had done to him regarding the care of his wounds, or if they had done anything at all, but just seeing Jay so worried about what she was gonna do…

‘If I ever see Nadakhan again, I’m going to kill him.’

She knew that being a ninja, she was honor-bound to protect, to only hurt when necessary and that Master Wu would be disappointed with her thoughts of brutal violence.

But she was Samurai X first, and the Samurai had no master. Just a code of conduct based on her own set of morals.

‘And no one gets away with hurting my friends. Not like this.’

“My hands,” he said at last, peeling off his dirty, black gloves, revealing the white bandages that covered up jagged scars of lightning.

So Nya did what she was asked to do.

She removed the old bandages, checked for signs of infection, wiped down the wound and reapplied new bandages, moving from Jay’s hands, to his battered ankle, to a particularly bad gash that covered the length of his collarbone and to his broken ribs.

His breathing had evened out quite a bit since the ascent up the steps, which was a big relief to her and she knew that he would still have to rest for awhile even after they got the others back, but it meant that for now, he was safe.

“Jay?” She asked softly, gently putting a palm on his forehead while grabbing the penlight, “this is gonna be bright.”

He nodded silently and she flicked it on, watching as his right pupil slowly grew smaller, but not nearly as slow as the video of a patient’s eye the nurse had shown her after learning she’d be handling most of his care, which filled her with relief about the severity of his concussion.

But, as she looked over at his left eye, his light blue eye, and watched he squinted yet again, she found herself asking a question before she could even think it through while putting the penlight back in the bag.

“Jay? Can you see me?”

Nya wasn’t being specific and if she was being completely honest with herself, as soon as the words left her mouth, she expected Jay to crack a joke or even just be outright confused.

But the words made his face grow slightly dark as he balled his left hand into a tight fist while stuttering, “I-I can see shapes, I can see light but I can’t-” she could have sworn she heard his breath hitch on tears that made her own eyes water, “I can’t see your face.”

Nya didn’t expect those five words to affect her as much as they did when they hit her directly in the chest and made tears spring out of her eyes, tears just as hard as the ones that had fallen as she had mourned Kai.

“B-but it’s okay,” Jay’s voice insisted as he put his bandage-covered hands around hers, making her look up, “I mean, I couldn’t see anything out of it two days ago, so I’m sure it’s just temporary.”

And she wanted to believe him, she wanted to believe him so damn badly, but his voice was tinged with his laughter of anxiety which only made it clear to her that he didn’t even believe himself.

“This is my fault. I sent you after the venom all because I was mad at you for-”

“You were in the right, Nya,” Jay cut her off, gently rubbing his thumb over her worn knuckles, “I should have never lied to you guys about Nadakhan. I never should have made those stupid wishes in the first place.”

“But you can’t see, Jay!” Nya couldn’t stop herself from shouting as she stood up and ran her glove-covered hand through her hair, “so you lied. That doesn’t mean that you deserve to lose your sight! That you deserved any of what those pirates did to you!”

“I’m still standing because of you,” Jay insisted, getting off of the edge of the bed to seemingly prove his point, “I made it because of you.”

Nya nodded, the guilt still building in her chest as she wiped the tears off of her cheeks, “I want to kill him.”

“That makes two of us,” Jay’s voice was just above a whisper as he sat back down on the bed, “do you want to sleep first?”

“No, you take it,” she insisted as she pulled her gloves off so she could go back toward the soup that she could hear starting to boil, before remembering the oxygen concentrator that had been pushed into the EMS bag, “do you want me to set up the oxygen machine first?”

“No, I’m okay. But, you’ll wake me up, right?”

‘Right. Jay’s prone to nightmares.’

“Of course,” she nodded, watching as his eyes fluttered shut and left her alone with Gizmo as company, who was turning off the stove so the soup didn’t scorch.

She found the dishes, which had zero signs of dust or dirt on them and ladled a serving into her bowl before finding a reusable container in another cabinet and putting the leftovers in the fridge; she didn’t want to wake Jay up if she didn’t have to.

As she ate, Nya couldn’t stop herself from watching his chest rise and fall under the two blankets that were already on the bed when they had arrived.

‘Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.’

Every full breath reassured her that he was alive, every breath that sounded like a struggle made her wonder if she needed to turn on the oxygen concentrator and hold the mask to his face to get his breathing back into its normal rhythm.

On top of it all, she was tired.

Exhaustion was a better way to put it, with the way she nearly face-planted into her soup and her bones felt too heavy for her to continue holding herself upright.

Even when Gizmo rolled over with a spare blanket clutched in his tiny palm, she shook her head; she had told Jay that he would wake him up if he needed her to and she refused to be useless by falling asleep.

It didn’t help that thoughts of Nadakhan coming in and killing Jay before kidnapping her if she didn’t stay alert swirled in her mind.

That thought alone was enough to keep her eyes from fluttering shut.

…

‘Come on, Nya,’ slow, bandaged hands wrapped around her arms and pulled her to her feet before gently urging her to walk across the wooden floor, ‘it’s your turn to sleep.’

…

She woke up to the smell of burning food and her teeth chattering.

The wound on her head stung horribly, the bruising made her arms feel like they weighed more than Cole’s weights but at least she was laying down.

‘When did I lay down?’

She started to sit up, only for a rust-tinted hand to lay on her chest; the last thing she had been expecting was to come face to face with…Zane?

But this wasn’t Zane, even if he looked like him. He was not the shiny titanium she had grown used to, and his exposed chest revealed moving gears and what looked like an alarm clock rather than Zane’s closed-off power source.

“Who are you?” She couldn’t hide the shake in her words or the rush of her heart rate as the nindroid took his hand off of her chest to put it against his in an introductory manner.

“I am Zane, built to protect those who cannot protect themselves.”

‘What the hell is happening?’

But before she could ask, or even fully process, that this was some version of one of her best friends, he turned away from her toward the other side of the room and said, “she’s awake, and unless my sensor fell out again, she’s still running a fever.”

“I don’t see your sensor anywhere in here, but I think there’s a thermometer in that EMS bag so we can be sure,” Jay’s voice cut in and when “Zane” moved away, he replaced his spot, “I met him last night, he was living in Julien’s old lab.”

“Okay..” she trailed off, feeling her fear ebb away and renewing the stinging of her forehead, which she started to reach a hand up to only for Jay to hold it instead, “what happened?”

“When I woke up, you were asleep at the table and running a fever. I think the wound on your forehead is infected,” Jay said while scratching the back of his neck nervously, but the fact that her brain felt sluggish at least made sense now, “so I figured that you should be laying down, but after I got you in bed, I heard something downstairs and I thought that someone had found us, but turns out, Zane’s dad had a lab in the basement.”

“And you found a replica of Zane down there?” Nya questioned

“I think “Echo” sounds cooler, but yeah,” Jay’s smile made her feel at least a little better, “and he kept me from burning down the lighthouse with breakfast this morning! And there’s another thing..”

“Oh?” She could tell by his tonal shift that it was not a good thing at all.

“While I was downstairs, there was a mirror where Nadakhan’s face had appeared,” her heart sunk and nausea hit her like a brick as Echo handed Jay the thermometer before walking over toward a small chess table, Gizmo on the other side, “Echo broke it, but I think Clancee wished for him to know where we are, probably not of his own choice, but that doesn’t change the fact that Nadakhan is on his way.”

Nya’s stomach turned painfully as she remembered her anxieties from the night before, of Nadakhan forcing Jay to wish it all away or even just straight up killing him to save himself the trouble of him trying to protect her.

Of taking her away, of forcing her into a marriage that she could never agree to, of gaining infinite wishes and destroying Ninjago in the process.

“Anyway, I was waiting on you to wake up, but you should use it,” he stopped to show her the teapot, “you should use it and get out of here. I can fight him off with Echo while you hide. Disguise yourself, change your name, anything.”

“You want me to run?” Nya swallowed harshly, “you want me to leave you here? You still have that wish, Jay. You can still stop him.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” He asked, his hand letting go of hers and going to his hair, “what if I say it wrong, or what if I don’t say it in time?” He pulled in a deep, wheezing breath and ran his hand across his face, “you have to get out of here, Nya. All of this was my fault, all because I saw a glimpse of my future and wanted it to be real.”

She sat up, wincing at the pain radiating in her skull before laying her hand on his bandaged one only to look up and see both of his eyes filled with the shine of tears.

“I ruined your life, Nya.”

For a second, she couldn’t help but wonder if she agreed with his statement. Nadakhan was coming for them, her brother and their friends were trapped in a sword, they were running out of time; but, something about Echo and Gizmo playing chess, the seagulls outside and the sound of waves crashing onto the shore filled her with a sense of hope.

A sense that maybe, just maybe, they would make it out alive.

“But you saw us old together,” Nya insisted, trying to instill any hopefulness that she could muster into him, “so that must mean something. That must mean that we make it out of this together.”

“That’s why you should take the tea, and get as far away from me as possible!” Jay shouted, “I can hold him off, I can keep him focused on the fact he still has to get one wish out of me! He’ll be around me constantly, trying to get me to, um…say the thing,” Nya knew he was avoiding saying the phrase as if it would bring the dijin to them faster, “so that gives you enough time to change how you look enough that he won’t care anymore! He only wants you because you look like Delara-”

“Jay, I am not running away,” Nya cut him off while squeezing his hand to stop his tangent, “I am not letting you get captured, again. I am not letting you become their slave, again. I will never forgive myself for even letting it happen the first time.”

“But I can’t lose you too.”

‘He said there’s a lab. A lab we can build our defenses. A lab that’ll let us hold our own until he makes his wish.’

“And you won’t, because I have a plan,” Nya insisted as she stood on shaking legs and biting back a particularly painful throb in her head, “after all, ninja never quit and Samurai X, well…”she stopped to put her hand to the back of her head, nerves filling her up based on how Jay would respond, “Samurai X is ready to kick some ass. Because between you and me, I’m sick of running.”

But this was Jay, and even if they hadn’t always seen eye to eye, he at least tried to understand her side, so she wasn’t all that surprised when he stood up while saying, “that makes two of us.”

“Now, let’s see this lab,” she told him, taking his hand so her legs would stop shaking, “I want to know exactly how we’ll show Nadakhan that he never should have messed with us.”

#lego ninjago #ninjago #whump #angst #my writing #fic #ninjago nya #jay walker #echo zane #gizmo/tai-d #skybound #eye trauma #hurt/comfort #ninjago nadakhan #part two of the brainrot

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