#love how you can tell how my view of 14 year olds has changed over the years

[henrike-does-writing-sometimes]

The Guardians : 2014 - 2024

Or, the "og" four, since they were the first to be created. Also drawing ten characters would kill me

They've come so far, my babies <3

[milevenstancyendgame]

In Defense Of Mike

Sometimes antis inspire you to write meta - I don't know why, but today I feel like going through these Mike accusations that someone left on my Eleven post, lol:

No one talks shit about my boy Mike on my post.😎

-"And not to make this about shipping because El is her own person and should be discussed outside of ships, BUT" - goes on long ass shipping discourse.

You nailed it right there, buddy.😂

-"Mike babies her throughout their relationship":

I think it's so funny that those who are on the fence shouting about El needing to break up with Mike, to be independent, are doing exactly what they accuse Mike of doing (gaslight much?). You're willfully ignoring her love for Mike, which is canonical, projecting your own dislike of him onto her, like you know what's best for her. You're babying her.

So when does he baby her? I can't think of any time, but since you also said that he's protective and "El wants to be trusted and supported", I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you're talking about SOME scenes between El and Mike in s3.

I think it's funny that antis wave Mike's protectiveness over El in s3 as though it was some big red flag.

Like, ya'll act as though he wanted to lock her up in the cabin. Oh wait, that was Hopper in s2, actually. I don't see you hating on Hopper though, even though he's an adult.

Mike is worried and traumatised from losing El several times before. Yes, he doesn't know how to deal with this, but like you keep saying, El is her own person and should be respected as such.

So what does El do? She shows that she doesn't like it, and in an intimate moment away from the over-the-top comedy of s3, she tells him "I need you to trust me".

And how does Mike react? Did you actually watch that? Because it doesn't sound like it. He ACCEPTS what she says IMMEDIATELY, even gives Max an acknowledging glance, and backs off, letting her do her thing.

Like this right there. That's growth.

And that's him doing exactly what you say El needs - that's trusting, supportive, and letting her decide for herself. Which, by the way, he has been doing the whole time and continues to do.

He apologies to her and shows that he has been self-reflecting, and is overly hard on himself. He's aware that he was jealous and that he doesn't know how to deal with his strong love for El.

That's healthy and wholesome, and also huge for a 14-year old emotionally neglected boy, who has no blueprint for a healthy romantic relationship.

But no, you don't want to see this. Nor anything else, apparently. Just literally this ONE DAY on which he was overwhelmed and worrying about El. And you interpret that as "babies her throughout their relationship". That is…wild.

-"Mike puts El on a pedestal" & "Mike never compliments El's personality" :

Wow, this feels like the most unjust accusation of all. You interpret him thinking and telling her she's a superhero as putting her on a pedestal?

First of all, how can you do that, when you just said that he babies her throughout.😆 It almost seems like your various views about him are incompatible...maybe because they're not founded on reality...👀

He's the one who constantly reminds everyone else that El is not a machine, that she has limits, that she has human needs...seriously, have you watched the show? S1? When everyone saw her as a problem or a weirdo or a traitor or a monster or a criminal or a science experiment....and he was the one who treated her for what she was - a scared, friendless child in danger. An equal. A friend.

How come you're not hating on Dustin and Lucas? Maybe you're able to see how they changed? Or Max, because she's in awe of El in s2 and in s3 is 100%ly confident that she will be able to defeat the monster on her own? Maybe you're able to see that she had a normal reaction to finding out about someone's super powers and that she simply was mistaken? Or Steve, because he refers to her as "this girl with superpowers that we usually rely on"? Maybe you're able to see that this didn't reflect any dehumanising on his part?

Oh, but Mike is different of course.🙄

Mike never treats El as anything else but his equal. If he actually put her on a pedestal, he'd constantly be like: "Oh, but I'm sure El can fix it!" for every problem they have, and he'd be disappointed and shocked to witness her humanity - her flaws, her needs, her imperfections.

Well, he doesn't. On the contrary, he tries to provide for her every need, reminding others of them, is worried about her overexerting herself (which you hated on a moment ago, but now strangely seem to have forgotten), and never pushes her to fight for them. He's also always the one who wants to provide a back-up for her, to not let her fight alone or do everything for them (like in the caves in s2, or in s3 when they try to overturn the car in the mall).

Okay, and my personal favourite: "He also does this with Dustin and Will" So I'm guessing you're referring to Mike telling Dustin in s1 that his cleidocranial dysplasia is like a superpower, after being bullied; and in s2, when he tells Will he's like a super-spy now. And of course telling El that she's a superhero.

And you think this is bad????????

😳

Sorry, I just....HOW? He's literally reassuring Dustin that he not only accepts him as he is, but that his difference is cool, he compares him to the coolest people they know and admire, the super heroes from comics. He's trying to cheer him up after he got humiliated for being different. I mean...I guess if he had given him a hug, you would have found a way to interpret that as bad.😬

And the same with Will - he sees that his friend is barely keeping it together, he's rightly panicking, because he's possessed by an interdimensional monster, but Mike finds a way to distract him, invite his mind to see things in a different way that actually EMPOWERS him, reassuring him that they won't let the monster spy back, and again, this is bad, because?

Or do you mean it's only bad when he does it with El?😂 Because it's the same thing. He's trying to reassure her that she's not a monster, that he loves her.

And once again - when she shows in s4 that she doesn't like something he's doing (not saying "I love you"), he accepts that, he feels bad, and tries to give her exactly what she asked for at the next opportunity!

Apparently you didn't see that either.

And "he never compliments her personality". How many hoops do you want him to jump through?🤣

Mike shows that he loves and respects El all the time, he doesn't need to say "You have an awesome personality." for El to feel that. And she never expressed any need for that. Does Hopper compliment Joyce's personality to her face? Did Joyce do that for Hopper? Did Nancy do that for Steve or Jonathan or vice versa? Did Max say that to Lucas? I guess Lucas is the only one who really loves his partner, because he did that once.🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Oh, and of course, the whole monologue at the end of s4 doesn't count, because. "I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days, I love you without your powers, I love you with your powers...I love you exactly for who you are."

That's somehow not valid, hm?

Mike can't win in your eyes, because you don't want him to. This is called scapegoating, btw.

Lastly, it's strange that you have a reference to him in your username, when you clearly think he's so horrible and accuse him of all this...together with a reference to Will...hmm...how mysterious....🙄🙄🙄 Almost like you had double standards for a certain agenda.🤔

*Drops mic*

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

What if Quaritch tried as a last resort to regain custody and miraculously succeeded when Spider was 15? It's very, very unrealistic, but let's assume that if there was a change of judge or he would be able to bribe someone. So he has legal custody, he can live with his son legally and not cut off from the world. How would everything go then? How would Spider react if he suddenly found out that after so many years of running away he was going to live with his father, what would their relationship be like then?

Oh I’ve got ideas for this so this is going to be a long one. It became a whole au in my head.

So for starters i don’t think Quaritch getting custody back would be unrealistic. If you read the last chapter of cabin Quaritch showed Spider that his court ordered therapist was Max Patel. That would be a huge conflict of interest so with a good lawyer Quaritch could bring that to court and demand a re trial with a new judge.

I’ll change the Cabin timeline a little and say Spider was 14 when he started living with the Sully’s. He’s about to turn 15 when surprise the court gives his father back full custody. Spider tells the judge flat out he doesn’t want to live with him but the judge doesn’t care. The judge views what happened to Quaritch years ago as a miscarriage of justice that he is now correcting.

On moving day Spider runs away. Quaritch calls the cops on him to bring him to his new home. It’s definitely not a great start. His eyes are red and there’s dried tears on his face but Spider glares daggers at him no matter what Quaritch does and never says a word. That’s generally how things go every day for weeks, even on Spider’s birthday when Quaritch tried to throw him a party. Spider just looked at the set up and walked out, hiding in his room to FaceTime with Kiri and Lo’ak.

Quaritch refuses to call Spider by his chosen name and Spider refuses to call him dad. Spider ignores Quaritch if he calls him Miles or Junior. Quaritch does the same when Spider calls him old man. Spider used to call him a fucking bastard ass old man but that got him grounded, so Spider stopped. He didn’t want to be forced to stay in that house any longer then he had to.

Luckily for Spider he didn’t have to change schools in the middle of the year. Neytiri raised hell to get him enrolled in the same private school as the Sully’s and he loves it there. Coincidently it’s the exact school Quaritch would have sent him to if given a choice so he approves. Unfortunately their house is to far out for a bus to pick him up so Spider’s old man has to drop him off and pick him up everyday. Quaritch purposely tries to embarrass him by shouting “bye son I love you!” Spider slams the door and yells “I fucking hate you get out of here!”

Spider’s first week of school after moving in with his dad, he decided to fuck with Quaritch by not telling him about his after school clubs. After ten minutes of waiting Quaritch started to blow up Spider’s phone with calls and texts. Spider had his phone on silent and didn’t even notice. After another ten minutes Quaritch stormed into the school shouting Spider’s given name through the halls for everyone to hear. Spider pops out of the art room looking mortified. “What are you doing.” Quaritch who was terrified answers, “lookin’ for you a ‘course! Y’a couldn’t have told me you were in a club! Y’a didn’t answer your phone. I was worried sick!” The worse part for Spider wasn’t that he got yelled at in front of his classmates. It was that he could tell just how concerned his father had been over him and it makes him feel incredibly guilty. After that Spider always tells Quaritch about his after school activities.

Months go by. Spider slightly warms up to his dad but he’s still super standoffish. He goes over to the Sully’s house every chance he gets. Quaritch hates it. He won’t let Spider spend the night there or even eat dinner with the Sully’s because of how jealous he is. And Spider gets so angry every time Quaritch shows up to collect him, fighting to stay, arguing all the way home, running off to his room slamming the door behind him. It makes Quaritch think that maybe - it’s time they move.

Quaritch asks Spider, “what do y’a think of taken a little road trip this summer? We could get a camper van. go to all the national parks, see some big landmarks..

“I’m good.” Spider doesn’t want to spend his summer locked in a van with his father far away from the Sullys.

“Well too damn bad then ‘cause that’s what we’re doin’.” It’s a huge fight between them for weeks. Spider runs off the day he gets home and sees their shiny new camper van in the driveway. Quaritch hunts him down dragging him back kicking and screaming. Spider refuses to pack as their departure date draws closer. Quaritch does it all for him while he’s at school with Spider coming home to a near empty room, a room so empty it looked like they were moving completely and not just going on vacation. Spider brushes it off as one of his father’s punishments.

Spider is told that they’ll be leaving a few days after school lets out. So he’s completely shocked to see his father waiting for him in their usual pick up spot, driving the camper van. “You told me we were leaving in a few days!” Quaritch just shrugs, “I did. But then I got to thinkin’ what are we waitin’ for! We hit the road now we can be across state lines by dinner.” “But the Sully’s are having a party to celebrate the end of the semester! Grandma Mo’at finally back and I haven’t gotten to see her yet, and I haven’t even said goodbye to my friends!” Quaritch waves him off, “that’s what phones are for. Now get in before I put you in.”

The trip starts off very tense. Spider won’t speak to him at all, but he will have very pointed very loud phone conversations with Kiri and Lo’ak just trash talking Quaritch the entire time. Quaritch turns his dad rock up as high as the stereo will go, making Spider have to shout. When they finally stop for the night they have a quiet agitated dinner outside. Spider is so tired from it all that he’s falling asleep sitting up. Quaritch takes the opportunity to swipe his phone. After Spider goes to bed Quaritch chucks it in the river. Spider notices it’s gone when he wakes up the next morning. Unfortunately for him Quaritch had already been driving for hours. “I can’t find my phone. I think I dropped it outside last night.” “Well what do y’a want me to do about it?” “Turn around!” “Pff, i’m not wastin’ time ‘cause your irresponsible. Now sit down and go eat breakfast or something.”

Spider is pissed but at least he has his laptop he thinks as he starts looking through his stuff. Only to not find it anywhere. “Where’s my laptop.” “How should I know.” “You packed all my shit!” “Yeah well if y’a wanted it so badly y’a should have packed it yourself!” Quaritch in fact left his laptop behind on purpose. Now Spider has no way of contacting the Sully’s.

Spider tries his best to act like he’s completely miserable, but he can’t pretend for long. He hates to admit it but him and his dad have similar ideas of fun, spending days camping and exploring national parks, doing things like zip lining, and exploring caves. They do more touristy things too, like visiting museums (Quaritch loves history museums while Spider prefers art museums) and major landmarks (though they both agree to go early as possible to avoid the crowds at all cost). Early on Spider gets the idea to send the Sully’s postcards so they at least know he’s okay. He has to sneak away from Quaritch to mail them but luckily public mailboxs are pretty easy to come by. It helps him feel better about everything and gradually he actually starts to bond with his dad to the point where it starts to feel like they’re a completely normal father and son.

The summer starts to draw to an end. Spider has been happy with his dad but he’s eager to get home and see the Sully’s. He misses them so much. Plus traveling is exhausting. He can’t wait to sleep in a bed that doesn’t change states ever few days. Spider expects that they’ll turn around soon because they keep going west when they live on the east coast. He’s about to question Quaritch about it when they reach Wyoming. Nothing interesting is in Wyoming so why are they here? They pass by nothing but farmland for hours until finally they pull off the road eventually coming to a small farm. It looks really nice, rustic and inviting. When they stop a bald man, who Quaritch introduces as Spider’s uncle Lyle, greats them at the door along with a boarder collie that races right up to Spider jumping all over him in excitement. Spider instantly loves the pup who he’s told is named Cupcake.

Lyle gives them the grand tour. The farm grows tons of different fruits and vegetables. There a dairy cow grazing in a field, chickens scurrying about in a large fenced in patch of grass, two horses - a father and his son - chilling in the barn, and a barn cat that catches mice. Spider also instantly falls in love with the cat picking him up and cradling him. Spider likes the farm a lot. It’s peaceful. At dinner Spider says, “this is a really nice place Lyle.” “Glad you like.” He says smirking. “By the way cap, I’m gonna head out at five tomorrow morning. I want to get back home in time for my daughter’s first day of school.” Spider gives him a questioning look, “isn’t this your home?” Lyle laughs in his face, “no it’s your home.” He might as well have slapped him. He turns to Quaritch, “what is he talking about?”

Quaritch sighs, “I got a job offer.” “What do you need a job for! I thought you were fucking loaded from all the settlement money the courts gave you!” “I am. But do y’a know how boring it is being a stay at home dad…”. “Oh boohoo get a job as a Walmart greeter like all the other retirees. You fucking planned this all summer - hell before that even, and you never thought to tell me!” “Hell no! I wanted us to enjoy our summer together..” “fuck you! This..this is fucking kidnapping.” “Pff..stop being so dramatic. We just moved that’s all.” “And you fucking lied about it!” Spider runs from the table not able to stand the sight of his father any longer.

Days later when Quaritch finally catches Spider as he’s trying to sneak down to the kitchen, he explains what going to happen. He was offered a job (a lie. He applied for it) as vice principal at Mercer’s Military Academy. It’s a semi-boarding school twenty minutes away. And Spider’s the school’s newest student. He flips his shit, “a fucking military academy! Why can’t I just go to the nearest public school!” “Because it’s an hour and half away! Plus you get free tuition as my son.” “I’m not fucking going.” “Yes you are.” “You can’t make me!” “Yes I can!” “I’m going to get myself expelled on the fist day!” Quaritch laughs, “good luck with that.”

At some point in Spider’s brooding Quaritch tosses his new schools rule book into his room. Spider reads it to get ideas for how to raise hell. Of course he’ll be breaking all the dress code rules which go on at length about the exact why he’s supposed to wear his uniform (neat at all times, no customizations no rips or tears) and the strict guidelines for how he’s supposed to wear his hair (for boys it’s a tapered style of any kind as long it doesn’t touch his ears or the top of his collar). He will definitely be disrespecting every adult, especially his father. He can’t wait to embarrass him so bad he regrets the day he reapplied for custody. Maybe he’ll start a food fight. Maybe he’ll find the school bully and start a real fight. Hell if they deserve it maybe he’ll hit a teacher. Or just his dad. He really wants to punch his dad.

The weekend before the start of school Quaritch takes him into town- which is a whole two hours away- to get his new uniform. Spider is uncooperative as ever, refusing to stand still to get his measurements taken to the point where Quaritch has to hold him in place. After hours of wrestling with his son an exhausted Quaritch pays for the uniforms. The store manager who is equally tired looks at the disgruntled teen and say to Quaritch, “I see why you choose military school.” Spider hears and storms out.

He’s expecting to go home now but instead Quaritch parks the car in front of a barber shop. “I don’t know why your stopping here because I’m sure as hell not getting out.” Quaritch turns to look at him his rage palpable. “Now you listen here. Y’a have some grand idea of gettin’ expelled, but that ain’t gonna happen. Mercer loves a challenge. He loves taking disrespectful, unruly, feral little monsters like you and breaking them to pieces. And the harder you make that, the more fun he’ll have. So I suggest you march in there right now, pick a haircut you can live with,then Sunday night you shine your shoes, iron your uniform and get your tie ready. Or else Monday morning when you walk through those doors lookin’ like your little punk ass self, Mercer will drag you to his office and after that…well choices have consequences.” Spider bristles under the warning but doesn’t break. “I’ll take my chances.” “Fine,” Quaritch says throwing the car in reverse, “I warned y’a. just don’t come crying to me.”

Monday morning Spider does his hair in intricate braids, wears his most ripped frayed pair of jeans, dirtiest sneakers, and a band t-shirt that would definitely get him called a satanist by a pearl clutching old lady. He’s beaming with confidence as he walks into the kitchen. Quaritch eyes him over his newspaper and just shakes his head. Before they leave he puts Spider’s uniform in a plastic bag knowing he’ll need it for later. 

You already know what’s coming. Mercer drags Spider into his office on sight. In the office two muscler upperclassman are standing at attention waiting for orders. Mercer tries to verbally intimidate Spider. Spider just cusses up a storm instead. For that he gets grabbed by the upperclassman and bent over Mercer’s desk for some corporal punishment with a wooden paddle. It doesn’t end until he’s a sobbing mess. Then Mercer breaks out the clippers. There’s a guard on them leaving Spider with about an inch of length all around. Mercer doesn’t bother to undo his braids. They all come off in one piece and Mercer seems to take pleaser in waving them in his face taunting him over the “savage” style. Then he’s made to change into his uniform. Spider’s glassy eyed and numb by this point. Mercer and his goons don’t give him the courtesy of turning around, making Spider feel even more vulnerable then he already did. the last piece of his uniform is his tie but he doesn’t know how to knot it. Mercer laughs at him throwing it in his face. “Go find your father. He’ll show you.”

Spider’s in a daze as he stumbles around the halls completely shell shocked. He sees the back of Quaritch as he’s monitoring the halls for anyone out of class. “Da..dad,” Spider calls weakly. Quaritch whips around. It’s the first time Spider has ever called him dad and he is momentarily thrilled before he looks at his son. Quaritch is instantly filled with overwhelming guilt as he takes in his child. “I…I need help…I…I can’t tie my tie.” Spider hold it up like he’s a small child with a broken toy.

Quaritch ushers him into an unused classroom. “What happened,” he asks cupping Spider’s face to make him look up. Spider shakes his head before bursting into tears. Quaritch pulls him into a hug. “How could you do this to me! I was starting to trust you! I actually thought we could be happy! Why did you lie to me! How could you bring me here!” “I’m sorry,” is all Quaritch can say, over and over again. When Spider’s cries finally quiet Quaritch says, “all I ever wanted was to be a family again. I love you more then anything in this whole world. Not a day went by when I didn’t worry about y’a. I couldn’t know if you were safe, if you were healthy, if you were happy. It was torture. I was so relieved to get you back. But y’a wouldn’t even give me a chance. You hated me from the jump. Y’a just ran off to be with the Sully’s every day.” Spider and Quaritch are still hugging but Spider can hear that his dad is crying. “I’m big enough of a man to admit that I was jealous. And it hurt to have you constantly running away from me. But I was selfish to do all this to you.” They stay in their hug for a little while longer until they both feel the weight of time on them. They break apart, and wipe their eyes. Quaritch ties Spider’s tie for him. “We’ll talk more about this tonight okay. For now y’a got to get to class.”

Spider floats through the morning too emotionally drained from everything. At lunch he doesn’t really have an appetite but goes through the motions anyway. It’s when he’s walking the room, looking for a place to sit that he spots a group of five kids sitting in the farthest corner of the room. Spider instantly recognizes the tell tail features of the Na’vi. He races to sit with them happily greeting them with Oel Ngati Kameie.

Hope you enjoyed. I definitely have ideas for a part two so let me know if your interested in that ����

[savagewildnerness]

Part 2 of VII Ancient Magic, Ancient Mysteries - from chapter 9…

Random TVL thoughts time again....

QUESTIONS:

P441 Q So are vampires’ emotions amplified actually due to the demon in their blood, who so desired to FEEL?  Are there further implications to this?

P465 What do you think Lestat thinks about Vampires as pagan Gods, meeting out justice and drinking evildoers’ blood?  I can’t decide if he’d find something morally fitting in it or find it repellant, and he doesn’t say….

I cringe at how Anne describes Eastern philosophy in this section, but I wonder if the TV show might use the differences between Eastern and Western world views in a more nuanced way?

P468 “"I am immortal," he said, "truly immortal. To be perfectly honest, I do not know what can kill me now, if anything. But that isn't the point. I want to go on. I do not even think of it. I am a continual awareness unto myself, the intelligence I longed for years and years ago when I was alive, and I'm in love as I've always been with the great progress of mankind. I want to see what will happen now that the world has come round again to questioning its gods. Why, I couldn't be persuaded now to close my eyes for any reason.”” - Has Marius ever felt TRULY hopeless?  Well, he will in the future… we know…

P469 Marius tells Lestat he needs to live out a mortal lifetime in order to endure… but on TV he is made 14 years later.  34 is not young.  Mozart died at 35.  Marius says Gabrielle is fine (p471) and can endure as she has lived a life, despite her life being a dismal prison in 99% of ways… so Lestat has lived a life on TV… and so he will not *need* to live out a lifetime in New Orleans as Marius tells him he needs to here.  This seems as though it alters a lot, especially considering Lestat’s Father is also not a motivation for him to go to New Orleans.  Will it merely be as he must get far away from Akasha and Enkil that Lestat will need to go to New Orleans on the show?  Lestat might not even have wandered as a roaming outsider as Marius says if he Nicki lives less time and Lestat goes into The Earth?  So the change is even more striking…

P477 What exactly ought Lestat to learn from watching mortals die?  The cruelty and senselessness of The Savage Garden?

P492 “She and I were walking down a hallway together -- not here but in a place I knew. I think it was a palace in Germany where Haydn wrote his music -- and she spoke casually as she had a thousand times to me. But tell me about all this, what do the people believe, what turns the wheels inside of them, what are these marvelous inventions ... She wore a fashionable black hat with a great white plume on its broad brim and a white veil tied round the top of it and under her chin, and her face was merely beginning, merely young.” - what are the implications of this?  Akasha has planted herself in Lestat’s own memories… It’s very invasive… also Akasha has seen and felt all Lestat has known, loved and experienced, this implies to me…?

Notes:

Bonkers to imagine Alexandria as being only 300 years old!

Immediately when Marius arrives in Alexandria, a “curious feeling” comes over him.  In this section, elders appear to him and Akasha puts thoughts in his mind.  He knows how capable Akasha is to do this with Lestat…

If Marius is turned by Teskhamen, made by Akasha in the first brood - why is he more burned than the elder vampire Marius encounters here, who says he is only 1000 years old (p444) so WAY younger… yet way less burned….?????

Even the old ones question existentially if more vampires ought be made.

P433 Marius talks of feeling the elder’s thoughts, but not being able to hear them - all ties in with TV lore and Madeleine’s words in S2E6.

I didn’t write a huge amount of notes on the first part, but I wrote “Lestattian” over and over again.  Sometimes I worry Marius is *too* like Lestat in how he thinks/. Will this be retained on TV?  Or does Marius need to be more different?

P446 Vampires can hear each other and find each other due to the web/vine of the spirit-blood that connects them… how could this be used on the show?

So many visually striking images of Akasha with Marius and then Lestat!

Why the elder out TWMBK in the sun: “" 'To free myself! To say, "I will keep you no longer. Move. Speak." To see if it was true, the old story, and if it was true, then let us all die in flames.’” P455 & p468 - compare 

“I saw the two possibilities as seductive suddenly -- rousing them or destroying them. Both tempted the mind. I wanted to pierce them and commune with them, and yet I understood the irresistible madness of trying to destroy them. Of going out in a blaze of light with them that would take all our doomed species with it.

Both attitudes had to do with power. And some triumph over the passage of time. "Aren't you ever tempted to do it?" I asked, and my voice had pain in it. I wondered if down in their chapel they heard.”

Interesting that Marius describes that as a mortal he did not know how to kill any living thing… unlike our wolfkiller, Lestat..!

Marius telling the elder he is free reminds me of Lestat telling Armand similar…

They could make Akasha and Enkil so creepy and HORROR vibes, particularly with their existentially terrifying slow movements with time itself passing differently to them; like they are out of time.

Some of Marius’ story feels way more ‘action’ than the ‘existentialism’ of much of TVL.

Pandora knowing what Marius is (p464), is very like Lestat’s dream, (p338) “I’d imagine friendship, conversation, intimacy that we could never have. In some magical and imaginary moment I would say: "But you see what I am," and this human being, in supreme spiritual understanding, would say: "Yes, I see. I understand.””

Love this quote: “"All the stories I have told you are finally as useless as all ancient knowledge is to man and to us. Its images and its poetry can be beautiful; it can make us shiver with the recognition of things we have always suspected or felt. It can draw us back to times when the earth was new to man, and wondrous. But always we come back to the way the earth is now.

"And in this world the vampire is only a Dark God. He is a Child of Darkness. He can't be anything else. And if he wields any lovely power upon the minds of men, it is only because the human imagination is a secret place of primitive memories and unconfessed desires. The mind of each man is a Savage Garden, to use your phrase, in which all manner of creatures rise and fall, and anthems are sung and things imagined that must finally be condemned and disavowed.

"Yet men love us when they come to know us. They love us even now. The Paris crowds love what they see on the stage of the Theater of the Vampires. And those who have seen your like walking through the ballrooms of the world, the pale and deadly lord in the velvet cloak, have worshiped in their own way at your feet.

"They thrill at the possibility of immortality, at the possibility that a grand and beautiful being could be utterly evil, that he could feel and know all things yet choose willfully to feed his dark appetite. Maybe they wish they could be that lusciously evil creature. How simple it all seems. And it is the simplicity of it that they want.

"But give them the Dark Gift and only one in a multitude will not be as miserable as you are.

"What can I say finally that will not confirm your worst fears? I have lived over eighteen hundred years, and I tell you life does not need us. I have never had a true purpose. We have no place.””

Lestat is the very first vampire to go to America, and Louis, the first American vampire!  (Although, Bruce exists on TV, so….)      

I imagined Sam and Rufus Sewell doing these scenes and they were sexy: “"Then come now, with me!" Ah, painful echo of Armand. And of the vain plea from Gabrielle ten years after.

"It's a more tempting invitation than you know," he answered, "but I'd do you a great disservice if I came with you. I'd stand between you and the world. I couldn't help it."

I shook my head and looked away, full of bitterness.

"Do you want to continue?" he asked. "Or do you want Gabrielle's predictions to come true?"

"I want to continue," I said.

"Then you must go," he said. "A century from now, maybe less, we'll meet again. I won't be on this island. I will have taken Those Who Must Be Kept to another place. But wherever I am and wherever you are, I'll find you. And then I'll be the one who will not want you to leave me. I'll be the one who begs you remain. I'll fall in love with your company, your conversation, the mere sight of you, your stamina and your recklessness, and your lack of belief in anything -- all the things about you I already love rather too strongly."

I could scarcely listen to this without breaking down. I wanted to beg him to let me remain.”

#EverydayRomanSexism, Marius on Marius’ views on women *eyeballs to eternity* (p471/2… I shan’t quote it, thanks!)

Quite a few quotes on this section relating to “vampire loneliness”

Interesting that Lestat instantly knows he wants to drink Akasha’s blood to make himself even more immortal… and has just arrived at Marius’ following feeling suicidal (and he shall feel this way again!)

P476 makes me imagine Lestat must be proud on some level when Louis writes the first public account of the vampires, as he has always wanted!

P478 This is why Marius didn’t tell Armand of TWMBK and all of his story “Besides, if these fledglings are children of the Christian god, if they are poisoned as Nicolas was with the Christian notion of Original Sin and guilt, they will only be maddened and disappointed by these old tales. It will all be a horror to them that they cannot accept. Accidents, pagan gods they don't believe in, customs they cannot understand. One has to be ready for this knowledge, meager as it may be. Rather listen hard to their questions and tell them what you must to make them contented. And if you find you cannot lie to them, don't tell them anything at all. Try to make them strong as godless men today are strong. But mark my words, the old legends never. Those are mine and mine alone to tell.””

P480 “We are evil things finally. We are killers. Better that those who unite on this earth be mortal and that they unite for the good.” The show could use this… both comparing to Akahsa and to where they end if they go to the end of all of the books…?

I enjoy how in taking the violin to Akasha, Lestat kind of brings Nicolas to Akasha.  I hate that the violin is broken and crushed and part of me can never forgive Lestat for it… but I also wonder whether in the violin’s destruction…. Does it enable Lestat to let Nicolas go?  (Also, OBVIOUSLY this whole section is Akasha drawing Lestat to her - not Lestat’s action, no matter how guilty he feels.) [Sidenote… if Lestat can play violin so effortlessly… why can’t S2 Louis be The Best Photographer Ever? I mean…. It’s so silly that Lestat could play instantly!]

“And I lifted the violin to my shoulder, braced it under my chin, and lifted the bow. I closed my eyes and I remembered music, Nicki's music, the way that his body had moved with it and his fingers came down with the pressure of hammers and he let the message travel to his fingers from his soul.” Beautifully poetic, if also daft!

Akasha’s mouth is a perfect O which reminds me of Lestat’s first existential crisis in the inn with Nicki “Oh, Oh, Oh!” P56/7

P487 - “I felt the unmistakable sensation of her fangs going into my neck.

Out of every zinging vessel my blood was suddenly drawn into her, even as hers was being drawn into me.

I saw it, the shimmering circuit, and more divinely I felt it because nothing else existed but our mouths locked to each other's throats and the relentless pounding path of the blood. There were no dreams, there were no visions, there was just this, this -- gorgeous and deafening and heated -- and nothing mattered, absolutely nothing, except that this never stop. The world of all things that had weight and filled space and interrupted the flow of light was gone.”

Why don’t vampires make this circuit of mutual blood-drinking more often?  It’s so sexy and feels transcendental… wouldn’t you do it all the time???!?!?

This whole section is such a lovely mix of beauty and horror and will be SO good on TV!!!

P489 “Her presence was all over me like a fragrance, only she had had no fragrance, except that of the incense and the flowers that must have somehow managed to permeate her hard white skin. How strangely fragile she had seemed in spite of that hardness.” - Like Akasha has crawled inside Lestat’s soul…

Lestat apologises over and over, but Akasha made Lestat do this… and Marius knew that this was possible from his own past… and may be part of why he brought Lestat here, no?

The scene where Lestat looks in the mirror I can really imagine on telly…

“I knew that I had come to the most forsaken outpost of the Savage Garden, and that this was my country and I would remain in New Orleans, if New Orleans could only manage to remain. Whatever I suffered should be lessened in this lawless place, whatever I craved should give me more pleasure once I had it in my grasp.

And there were moments on that first night in this fetid little paradise when I prayed that in spite of all my secret power, I was somehow kin to every mortal man. Maybe I was not the exotic outcast that I imagined, but merely the dim magnification of every human soul.

Odd truths and ancient magic, revolution and invention, all conspire to distract us from the passion that in one way or another defeats us all.

And weary finally of this complexity, we dream of that long ago time when we sat upon our mother's knee and each kiss was the perfect consummation of desire. What can we do but reach for the embrace that must now contain both heaven and hell: our doom again and again and again.”

I love this ending and the New Orleans part is also very “I am she, she is me” (or whatever way round that is!)

Also, I think Lestat *is* the (LUMINOUS!) magnification of all our human souls, right…?

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Detransition: School Indoctrination, Bullying, Testosterone Damage, and Healing - Jade Martin

Chloe: What was your life like before you transitioned?

Jade: Well, I socially transitioned at 12. So, my life before that, I was the girliest girl ever, the most stereotypical little girl that you can imagine. I loved princesses and dolls and fairy tales. I was just very girly. But I was also heavily bullied, from the minute I was entered into kindergarten, I was isolated. I don't know why. I think it's because I was awkward and had social anxiety but, I was bullied up until I hit puberty.

Chloe: Why was that?

Jade: I don't know. They would pick at me for random stuff, my eyebrows or having bug eyes, being tall. I wasn't tal, I mean, the bullying picked up when I hit puberty, because the other girls hadn't gone through what I was going through. I was growing hair and a chest. And I didn't want to wear a bra because I was uncomfortable so it just made them stand out more. And I was growing fast. I mean it was obvious that I had hit puberty and that's what I was bullied for.

Chloe: It's hard enough dealing with developing so much and so quickly at a young age. And then like the social element of your peers pointing it out and bullying you for it, has to make it all the more difficult. How did that affect your your view of yourself? Did it affect the way that you saw being a woman and femininity?

Jade: Definitely. I was scared. I didn't know what it was. When I first got my period, I thought I was dying. I was that little I was nine years old. And no fault to my mom, you know, what parent thinks their daughter is going to get their period that young? And I grew up teaching my older cousins about their periods, which was crazy because they were like 14. They got theirs at like 14, 13, 12, but I was nine.

Chloe: And you're the one telling them about it.

Jade: Yeah. And now they're the first ones to have kids, and I don't. Not yet. But it was uncomfortable. Not the puberty itself. I think I was scared at the very beginning but after that I got used to it. I wasn't ready to grow up. I still wanted to play with dolls, and hitting puberty is growing up so I I feel like...

Chloe: There's just too much, too soon.

Jade: Yeah, it was too much, too soon. And about one or two years later, the kids in my class hit puberty. They all grew taller than me. That's another thing they picked on me for was being tall. Five-three. I'm not tall. So eventually they towered over me. I stopped being the tall freak that was taller than the teachers. Their breasts grew bigger than mine. I was this freak that got her period and had to change her pads in the middle of class, but suddenly they were growing faster and acting promiscuous and having sex and kissing and making out. Mind you, this was when they were like 11, 12.

Chloe: That's pretty early.

Jade: I was freaked out. My perception of romance and love when I was little was what you see on Disney, like fairy tale stuff. You know, a prince comes to sweep me up and he takes me to his castle and we get married and he courts me, pretty much. I didn't think that love was dressing in small clothes to get a boy's attention or stuffing your bras or having sex. That scared me. Not only did I grow up too fast because my period came earlier than everybody else, but now I was being pressured to grow even more. And that was uncomfortable. I forced myself to stop playing with dolls, and I didn't want to. So, that did affect my relationship with being a woman, the over-sexualization.

Chloe: But how did that then turn into wanting to become a boy, not believing that you're a woman? What was the turning point?

Jade: The turning point was the internet. It was Tumblr, it was Instagram, it was YouTube. I didn't even know what transgender was until I went on the internet. And the only reason I had been on there was because I had no friends. I would have a single friend here and there, but at the end of the day I was alone. I didn't go out and play with other kids, I didn't invite them over. When I went online, I found these stories of fictional characters that I had enjoyed. YouTubers. And both of these characters were male, and teenagers and adults online would write these stories about these two men falling in love. And that appealed to me because it was love, but without being a woman. And alongside that there were also people online telling me that I could be one of those guys. I could become a boy and experience that kind of love.

Chloe: Were you interacting directly with those people at the time?

Jade: Some of them, yes. Some of them were posts and group chats. But yes, I was talking to adults at a very young age.

Chloe: What exactly would they say?

Jade: We would share those interests. So if we were into two male YouTubers and we paired them up together. We were in group chats together. And that's how we would talk. And that's how I was introduced to transitioning, and I slowly fell into a hole of transition videos. And my gut was telling me that it was off and it was wrong, but you know, this was the answer. I could finally be a real boy. I don't have to try to earn love by being sexual. I can be these two gay men in fiction and be loved for who I am and not for my appearance.

Note: Helena Kerschner has a very well laid out and argued hypothesis about the influence of fandoms, which is worth a look: "Trans, Tumblr & Fandom"

[kooktrash]

I'm struggling to process his smoking, but not for reasons most people are complaining about. I lost my grandma at a young age to emphysema. The only memories I really have of her are her oxygen tanks all over her home. She couldn't even leave her house because she was oxygen dependent. My uncle has emphysema and it's hard seeing him go through really bad coughing spells. There have been times where I thought he was going to pass out from coughing so hard. My parents have been heavy smokers for 40+ years, so I'm worried about them too. My mom's lips have ugly brown stains on them from all the smoking. My uncle's fingernails are stained brown. All of their teeth are stained brown. It's really hard seeing the people you love look like that and die from that.

Aside from that, I had first hand experience what living with smokers is really like. It's not a glamorous lifestyle. I lived at home with my parents for about 25 years. There is nothing worse than watching the pretty color you picked for your walls in your bedroom turn brown within a year of painting. There is nothing worse than picking up a picture frame of you and your best friend and feeling how sticky it is from nicotine. It covers everything and turns it all brown and sticky. And washing it? Forget about it. Just throw it away. And there is nothing worse than at 13/14 years old going to a friend's birthday party and your friends asking why you smell like an ashtray. And there's nothing worse than your friends not wanting to come to your house because of how bad the smell of smoke. I can't tell you how alienated I felt as a teenager because all of my friends hated the smell of smoke. My parents were the only smoking parents out of my friend group.

All I have are bad memories relating to people smoking. It led to a lot of embarrassment for me. So for me to see JK smoking, all I picture is him at 50 years old looking like my parents and uncle with their stained lips, teeth and fingernails, or worse, being oxygen dependent and dying like my grandma. It's very hard for me to process that JK isn't going to turn out like that. I just keep seeing the negative side of it, and the images are horrifying to me.

I know that he is a grown adult that is well aware of the risks of smoking. It's his decision to ignore those risks. I'm not about to parent him. I don't even know him, so my opinion doesn't matter to him. I hope he's smoking casually, or socially with friends. I hope he's not smoking several packs a day like my family members do. I know how important singing is to him, and I want him to have a happy, healthy, successful career. I don't want to see his career cut short because of the decisions he made in his 20s. I wish he would not only think about today, but also think 10, 20, 30 years down the line. Your body does not stay young forever. The things you do when you're young affect you greatly as you age. Once you hit your 40s and 50s, you wind up regretting a lot of stuff you did in your 20s. Trust me, I know from experience. It's true.

None of what I've said will ever change the way I adore him. I think he is an amazing person, and a wonderful singer. He will always be my bias. I will never abandon him as a fan. I will always support him. But I don't have to support or like every decision he makes. We are all unique and we all have different opinions because we have experienced different things in life. For me, smoking has always been negative. So I come at his smoking from a negative point of view. Somehow I will have to accept it and move on and not let it bother me so much. But for now it's fresh in my mind and bothering me. I hope you can understand why I feel the way I feel.

i totally get it and this is just my opinion now but I’ve also always been surrounded by smokers all my life and I guess for ME I just don’t think of it as that big of a deal. Not to mention, most of us already knew that he vaped and like we knew Taehyung did too y’know and i think Yoongi but im not sure, I guess I just don’t see how it’s that big of a surprise to some [not saying you <3] to see him smoke and then attack him for it. he’s grown and he knows the dangers of smoking and like you don’t have to support his decisions but it’s the people villainizehim for a norm thing that drive me nuts

[singlecrow]

What do you find has changed the most about how you write or experience some of the MASH characters over your years of writing them? :o Are there any that you find yourself liking more that you didn’t give much attention to in your earliest days of telling their stories?

for context: I started writing MASH fic in 2002. After a year or so I wandered off and wrote other things, then did it again in 2013, wandered off after six months or so, came back to it in June of this year and haven't wandered off yet. My 2013 fic is on the AO3 and is ok! The 2002 stuff isn't, and wasn't. I really like that apparently I come back every ten years to an old and beloved fandom, particularly when life is especially trying.

So, what's changed. The big change is that in 2002, I shipped Hawkeye and Trapper! (I'm not gonna say traphawk, we didn't have smushnames back then except in Buffy fandom and everyone made fun of Buffy fandom.) Anyway, I shipped them a lot! Partly because they're adorable (I still think that) and partly because Paramount in the UK only had the rights to the first three seasons of the show. What else do you do, except make lists of all the times they feed each other. And write fic about them feeding each other. I'm very glad it's not on the internet but I really did love them a lot. I think I wrote something about they came to build the still, which means for a short while in 2002 at the age of 14 I also knew how to build a still! a good time.

I don't have any ship fic for them online any more at all; in 2013 I was writing AUs and ensemble pieces (a daemon AU; a Vorkosigan AU - that one I have absolutely no explanation for; a modern dystopian AU; etc). Hawkeye is my favourite character in the show by a country mile, so he's always a thing in my stories.

So the big change is Margaret Houlihan, my beloved. I don't think I thought about her much at all before @cosmic-llin asked me to write five times Margaret Houlihan was really proud of herself, and someone else I forget who asked me to write her meeting CJ Cregg from the West Wing. (I can't find this one, I think it's probably on some long-deceased LJ/DW kinkmeme.)

After that, I was proud of her too! I stand by my view, with apologies to Llin who has done her best to convince me otherwise and almost succeeded, that Margaret during the Frank years can be interesting but is mostly unbearable. But she's interesting, and then the process of her becoming so much more than what she was is both very interesting and gives me feelings, and I adore her. My thing about her and Hawkeye - about how they mirror each other perfectly, in who and what they are and what they can become; and everything about their snippy, bone-deep, ridiculous friendship, is a relatively new thing which I've so enjoyed writing this time around. It shows up very briefly in 2011 where I think I wrote something about Hawkeye trying to rig the vote on the ERA for Margaret's benefit, but otherwise, this is the lovely new place I've got to, I've written seven stories now that are either entirely or significantly about their friendship and regret nothing. ❤️

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Saw the Puss in Boots Movie.

Let's talk about Puss In Boots for a hot minute.

I was not expecting this level of story telling. Looking at the other movies that came out of the franchise, I honestly was expecting a mediocre fast paced joke after joke with a tenuous grasp on a plot.

I was so very surprised.

What a movie. The animation style was a solid choice and well done. The scenes and designs were fantastic. The story was wonderful, the black forest morphing to match the wish maker was making me scream every time it switched. Stellar.

So let me do what I do and try to be articulate enough to explain why I thought it was so amazing.

Who is the target audience for this movie?

Here's the tricky part. It's a cartoon set in the Shrek Universe. It's supposedly targetted towards young kids up to maybe early teens.

Yet it didn't feel that way.

So who is the target audeince?

The same people that saw the first Shred Movie.

You didn't have to have seen all the other movies to understand the characters or the plot. But having seen the first and second movie is key.

When did those movies first come out? Shrek was released in April of 2001. Shrek 2 was released May of 2004.

That's long enough apart for someone to start high school and just about finish high school.

That was 22 years ago!

The target audience? People in their 30s who are about to be 40.

This is a movie made by the people who sat in theaters at the age of 14 watching the first movie. People who fell in love with the fairy tale breaking movie.

The ugly ogre finds the princess, the princess kicks ass. She chooses him over the handsome prince and she changes to a form that she can feel happy in.

This is a movie for all the LGBTQ kids just finding themselves.

So now those kids are grown up. They've been faced with a hard life. Repeated traumas. Repeated world catastrophies that their parents never knew. Faced with fixing problems they didn't start. Faced with struggling to fight for their rights and riding off the tails of those that died to catch a glimpse of those rights.

Kids that grew up with generational trauma. Kids that were supposed to get married and have kids and instead of struggling to find happiness in themselves.

Live life fast and hard or hidden away and scared.

We've been seeing a lot of movies that discuss generational trauma: Coco, Encanto, Everything Everywhere all at once…

It's almost like we grew up and are trying to learn how to heal.

We are also starting to see found familiy. Learning to be happy with friends and those around us that make us feel safe and loved.

What's so special about Puss in Boots The Last Wish? There's more than one important message here.

Found family is a big role in two ways.

You have Goldie and the three bears. You see her desire to be with those like her and have a family and learn that her family has always been there loving her despite her not being like them. She's spent so long looking for what was right in front of her that she almost loses it.

Then you have Perrito who flat out says "You are my friends and I trust you. You are my family. Why would I want anything else when I have you?"

You see panic attacks and how irrational they can make you. How they take over your everything and how you view the world. Trauma and fear can lead you down a path very much like how we see in the movie.

You also have someone who has no regard for his life. He wastes 8 lives without care. Drinking, Gambling, gorging in things bad for him, being cocky, being arragant. Someone alone with no friends and afraid to connect and give up the glory that he thinks he has and needs.

Then he switches to someone too scared to live his life. Settling for mediocraty and such unhappiness because they think it's the safe path.

A good lesson. Cherish your life. Live it well because you only get one life.

But let's remember who this movie is made for. 30-40 year olds.

We have already lived most of our lives. Living the way we were told. Surviving. Trying to find ourselves. Go to school, find a career, get a job, make connections. Every step has been one task after another and we are still so unhappy and so tired.

We are a generation of people that weren't allowed to be who we were meant to be.

But we are now older. We are now adults who are about to be the next leaders to the young generations.

We can retire and be safe and slink away.

Or we can take what is left and see what we have. We can live. We can appreciate that we have this life and this life is ours.

So yeah. This was a good movie. This was a stellar movie. This was a movie that felt like an amazing end to a story that started when we were just learning how to be adults.

Now we are adults and it's time to learn how to live.

Someone once said it: We see him react to death in two days.

The first time he is terrified and doesn't want to die. The second time he is determined and not ready to die.

Death tells him to "Fight for it. Fight for the life you have."

[lauvrehaus]

Welcome to the LAUVRE!

Greetings! I'm so happy to find you on this side of the internet. This is the LAUVRE and welcome to my Haus. Before anything else, I would like to share first the inspirations that birthed my Haus. LAUVRE is a term coined from three words: LOUVRE, the famous museum in France popular for displaying hundreds of artworks and spanning throughout history including Leonardo Da Vinci's THE Mona Lisa, LAURENCE, my name, and LOVE, which is how it is pronounced.

Aside from being one of our academic requirements, this account is also dedicated to be a museum that will house my life experiences, personal point of view and a portal to share the things that I love and I am passionate about for the world to see.

Now, for my first exhibit, I'd like to formally introduce you to the *artist* behind this account- ME! Hi, I'm Laurence (he/him), the eldest of three siblings and I recently just turned 18 years old. Yes, another virgo just jumped into legality ready to conquer the world. Recently, I also found out that my MBTI personally changed from INFP-T to INTP-T, which I don't know if it's a good thing or no. Anyways, I grew up in a very energetic environment wherein families from both my parents are well represented, which equally influences my culture growing up.

Ever since I was a kid, I have been mainly surrounded by strong female personalities and relatives, which honed my feminine side more than the masculine side. I have always known it in myself that I am bursting with colors from deep within. I am slowly navigating my queer life through surrounding myself with mediums of art, predominantly with pop culture, music and movies. Speaking of which, my friends also know me as the biggest Lady Gaga stan in any circle. How can you get any gayer than that? I am also a long-time campus journalist and it has become my passion to be truthteller and a medium to amplify people's voices through journalism. I'd like to think of myself as a frustrated artist and a visionary trying to express myself in all ways possible.

I have spent my formative years in the hustle and bustle of the metro in Taguig City. There, I built the foundations of who I am now. I was born and raised in a highly-urbanized and competitive environment where everyone is competing to be on top, but I can tell that I have enjoyed every bit of it. That's why I found it hard when we permanently moved to Borongan in Eastern Samar where I currently reside. It is complete opposite of what I've been used to for the first 14 years of my life. It's like my world took a 180° turn. It felt had to leave everything behind and start all over again.

Soon enough, I have learned to love my new home without the need to forget where I came from. Borongan game the balance I didn't know I needed. It was in Borongan that I saw the serenity and simiplicity of life in the province. That big move gave me a chance to look for ways to improve myself in more ways possible. More opportunities came my way especially in academics. Ihave bren to national competitions and other multiple recognitions inside and outside the academe. I also met new people that aided me in adjusting and building a new homr for me. Maybe, Taguig was becoming too small for my ever-growing being, and I am meant to cross the sea to really expand my world.

Now, I am currently taking up Bachelor of Arts in Communication as a freshman in Eastern Samar State University and taking every step I take as a learning opportunity and an invitation for the betterment of myself, including this blog.

This is just the beginning of everything. I hope to share more moments with you and grow together as I take you with me on my journey. That is all for now. See you next time!

With love,

the LAUVRE.

[sunfaggot]

Travis rant (discussions of sexual assault present. It's not in detail, but this entire rant is about it)

There's an impurity he feels for a multitude of reasons. Being born wrong as a gay man, being born wrong as an autistic person, for never being good enough, and for being sexually assaulted as a child.

One's... clearly a stronger reason than the others.

He's never come clean to anyone. Nobody would believe him, because it was the town's beloved priest that did it, and the priest was nothing but holy. Anybody looking to expose him was a liar and a manipulator and going against the word of God. The only person he's ever come clean to would be Copper. (Truthfully: His mother would be absolutely sick and horrified and weep from guilt; his father would have more of a reaction conflicting between feeling disgusted with his son or the priest that violated him; and his brother would turn to full on victim-blaming, mockery, etc. That's why he's absolutely never telling these people)

It's stupid how much he trusted Father Michael. Was he really he just a dumb teen who should've known better? Should he have known better than to trust a family friend? Who does that– to boys they're supposed to take care of?

Travis definitely has very victim-blamey thoughts regarding his experience. He should have done this. He should have done that. He shouldn't have let this happen. It also has some effect on how he views his own masculinity. How can a man let this happen to him? Completely ignoring the fact that he was never a man, he was just a boy.

Travis did genuinely want to be a priest when he was younger. He loved religion. He loved God. The idea of him, a father figure who accepted your flaws, who loved you no matter what. Religion sounded just perfect– until it was ruined for him. He doesn't want to be a priest anymore but it doesn't matter what he wants. He's going to stay in this town until it collapses.

It should be worth noting Father Michael isn't attracted to Travis. He doesn't feel anything of the sort towards him whatsoever. He wants to establish power over him. A sort of “I control you and I control this town, so you better sit well and behave if you don't want me doing this again. If you go against my plans, I will pollute you." Although of course he didn't actually say that.

I've always imagined him being around... 14 years old at the time. Given that he's 17-18 at the time the main storyline starts, that's very little time to process that sort of thing.

Hopefully it does.

While there's a more realistic aspect to his backstory (the sexual abuse themes) I am also planning on incorporate supernatural elements to it too because well this is a story about shapeshifters and the main villain is a shapeshifting priest who has changed into many skins over the years. I'm also trying to do this with Copper too, because while physical abuse is a huge part of his character and backstory, I think it'd be interesting if some things took a more supernatural turn.

I did some research earlier on clergy sexual abuse cases and wow, does the Catholic Church have a lot. I wasn't particularly surprised because I had already known prior, but that's over a thousand cases..... Yikes.

The sa trauma was not intentional but the more I thought about it the more I realized huh, that sounds like a certain kind of abuse.... Well I guess I have to do something about that huh. (Just makes it canon because what I thought of prior could already be read as an allegory for it)

[cmcsmen]

The Power of the Cross for Catholic Men.

(From the 2018 CMCS archives. Enjoy!)

By Frank J Casella

Back to basics. We can’t love the Church if we don’t know and love Christ.

God has called us through the Gospel to possess the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Thes 2:14

This struck me on the importance and power of the Cross. And we are given access to this power just through believing in Jesus Christ.

As men we face many challenges in this world. It is simply by the sign of the Cross that we are not alone and are given strength.

Heed these words of the late Francis Cardinal George:

“God sustains the world, in good times and in bad. Catholics, along with many others, believe that only one person has overcome and rescued history: Jesus Christ, Son of God and Son of the Virgin Mary, savior of the world and head of his body, the church. Those who gather at his cross and by his empty tomb, no matter their nationality, are on the right side of history. Those who lie about him and persecute or harass his followers in any age might imagine they are bringing something new to history, but they inevitably end up ringing the changes on the old human story of sin and oppression. There is nothing “progressive” about sin, even when it is promoted as “enlightened.”

The world divorced from the God who created and redeemed it inevitably comes to a bad end. It’s on the wrong side of the only history that finally matters. The Synod on the New Evangelization is taking place in Rome this month because entire societies, especially in the West, have placed themselves on the wrong side of history.”

You Become What You Think About

The Catholic Catechism and the Bible tells you how to do the right thing. But you may think, as I have, that a certain movie you see or how you look at that woman walking down the street or sitting in the church pew across the isle is a simple, innocent thing and doesn’t make a difference.

The other day when I was on Twitter a quote I saw from sales guru hit me: “You become what you think about all day long”.  It made me ponder on what I think about every day, which lead me to realize how much my thinking – and lifestyle – has changed over the years.

I used to be more selfish, helping and serving others with the end motive of serving my own needs and ego, and praying for my own needs – talking to God more than listening.  St. Francis says [that] it is through giving that we receive, and I took it literal.

Today …  when I give of myself I don’t look for what I receive, because the real gift is how God is blessing others through me .. which I may never see. My agenda has become God’s agenda. Said another way, I live my life as a prayer.

Your words and actions, men, say a lot about your thinking, and when you live your life as a prayer you see the world and others through God’s eyes … and become more like Christ. You’ll know this is happening when others tell you, because you might be too humble to see it in yourself.

A spiritual director once told me ”the ‘best’ Christian’s are those people who constantly feel that they fall short in living-out God’s will for their life“.

Here are some scriptures from the Catholic Bible that speak to me on what and how you – a Catholic Man – should think:

Power of the Tongue.  James Chapter 3    Proverbs Chapter 15

Thoughts and Thinking.   Proverbs Chapter 18    Matthew Chapter 9

What do you think about all day long?

Without the Cross, your life can be horizontal = world view, selfish and self serving.

When Jesus’ stretched out arms of love were nailed to the Cross, He created the vertical = Heavenly view, seeing others as better than yourself, and helping each other make it through life.

Holiness and the Cross

Too many times, we allow sin in our lives to distract us from the Holiness of God. As scripture says, “be still … and know that I am God”.  The two main things that keeps us from Holiness as men is our human understanding of sex and money.

Stay with me now …

The more we be still and look at that crucifix everyday the more we will see how us men need to turn off the porn on the computer; walk away from that affair (emotional or otherwise); stop flirting with all the ladies and instead look at them as a person and as a Woman; turn marital sex from self-gratification into being a Sacred and Holy gift to your spouse; stop using profanity .. PERIOD; stop little white lies and then rationalizing them; and take our minds off materialism: the faster car, the big house or boat, or the latest electronic gadget . .. or just the need to make more money.

(it is not bad to have things, but we must keep it all in right perspective)

All of these.. and more … distract us from keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus. When us Men get sex and money – and the power of the Cross – in the right Christian order, we will then shake the world for Jesus Christ!

So, if you are going through an identity crisis I suggest you find the crucifix in your house and just look at it … and look at it… and look at it.

Your identity is in Jesus Christ! 

I assure you, the longer you look at Jesus on that Cross, the more He will speak to you about who you are and how you can become more Holy.

The greatest image I have of my late father is how he prayed the rosary, looking at the Cross, each morning in a room with only the window light – just him and God – before leaving for work.

The greatest image my children say they have of me is how I kiss the crucifix each morning as soon as I wake up. What they don’t see is how often I spend just looking at it in holy contemplation.

Us men have the power that when we get our holiness in order can impact the world, the church, humanity, and our families …  and all of this can be felt three generations deep!

We have one message to give through our lives … and the sign of the Cross:

… “only one person has overcome and rescued history: Jesus Christ.”

[whatib]

It's an ugly world without Santa

You manipulate With your bag of tricks You're playing God with the world on my shoulder … We're so lost that we all think it's over But I'm the one to blame For this burning pain It's eating up the world And we gonna live it in shame It's hard to maintain When it's so insane It's so, so insane

"So kids don't listen to your parents The parents can't teach us All they ever left was a world in a mess"

Lyrics to "Dignity" Song by New Politics 2010

These have been the lyrics for the youth of every new generation since the mid-1800s, if not since the year 1. You're not alone, the world has always been a mess. The only difference is that in 1980 you found out in college, today you can find out when you're 9 yrs old.

When you find out that the world is a tragedy and all your dreams come crashing down at 23 yrs old, it's a difficult experience, but you plug through it and fight your way through life and build a career, kids and a family.

When you find out that the world is a tragedy and all your dreams come crashing down at 14 yrs old, it's not just a difficult experience…it's life altering. It changes your perspective of life, and how you view the world from a very young age. They seem to become ambivalent,cold

In school I was never taught that Thomas Edison electrocuted elephants in order to prove that Tesla's AC current shouldn't be used and that we should use Edison's DC current. I was taught that Edison was a hero. I found out about the elephants at the end of college.

Our parents, teachers and government didn't want to teach us the ugly side of the world. They only taught us the beautiful things, the good things, the things "we should all be proud of." They built a happy world for us, they didnt tell you that you're going to get fired someday, you're going to hate your boss someday, you're going to lose a best friend someday, you're going to have a miscarriage someday, you're going to stress over your kids, you're going to hate your kids, you're going to want to leave everything and disappear and start a new life one day, you're going to have a nervous breakdown, you're grandparents are going to pass away, you're going to freak out over the late mortgage payment, you're going to get back pain.

Our parents have never told their kids these things because they want you to believe in Santa forever. They want you to be happpy, love life, have fun and believe that every day is a magical day. They don't want you to freak out and go into a depression over the stresses of life, so they let you find out about life on your own.

I didn't find out that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had slaves until the very end of college. They hid that fact and Chinese torture, the Russian Gulag, Thomas Edison electrocuting elephants and all of the other ugly things in life. They hid them from us so our minds wouldn't be overwhelmed with how terrifying and disappointing the real world is out there.

Today, kids have access to information in the palm of their hands. Any 9 yr old kid with a phone can read about all of the tragedies in world history, and that will impact how they see the world from a very young age. It alters their view of people and causes distrust at too young of an age. We need to raise kids that still trust their friends. Once trust is gone, then people cannot work together, and a lot of things, very important things in life don't get done. We need people to be able to work together, it's the only way to build a society or….accomplish anything for that matter

[sunkenightmare]

Blog Post #4

Eve's Bayou

This movie had my head spinning! There were so many moments where I was practically screaming at the TV, begging the parents to pay attention to their kids. Let's dive into the first parent, Louis Batistet, aka Dr. Feelgood. This guy admitted that he's just a small-town doctor trying to find validation from others. Right from the start, we see that he's a real ladies' man, and even his mom mentions how many women want him. He's definitely successful, living in a nice house on the Bayou, look at all fancy in his suits. You can tell his family is above average compared to the other families around.

But here's the thing, Dr. Feelgood is always craving attention from anyone and everyone. He loves the approval he gets from all the women who are practically fawning over him. And guess what? That craving for attention extends to his kids too. Let's talk about Cicely, the oldest daughter who's 14 years old. Her bond with her dad seems loving at first, but then it takes a really weird turn. Man, let me tell you about the beginning of this movie. It seemed all innocent and pure, you know? But then Cicely starts to realize that her dad has a thing for older women. And that's when she decides to present herself all ladylike and proper. She even changes the way she talks and during this big family fight, she boldly says, "enough is enough." Throughout the film, she's always defending her dad and correcting her mom. But here's the thing, her parents totally neglect Cicely's needs. She's clearly trying to figure herself out, but she ends up having this strange and inappropriate attraction towards her dad. Now, I think he actively manipulated her. For instance, she would stay up late at night, waiting for him in his chair. She'd offer him drinks and give him shoulder rubs, which was seriously uncomfortable to watch. I kept thinking it would lead to something even more messed up. She even disobeys her mom right in front of her dad, just to get his approval. And get this, she takes a bus all the way to his office just to see him because he's not coming home. Mr. "Feelgood" should've stepped up and told her how inappropriate all that was.

Now, let's talk about Cicely's mom. Poor thing is caught up in her emotions due to her husband's cheating. But here's the deal, she's so wrapped up in her own drama that she doesn't pay enough attention to her kids. She doesn't bother figuring out why Cicely wants to be just like her. Plus, she's under pressure to be a strong black woman and hold the family together. But nobody talks about how she becomes the subject of gossip among the women on the Bayou because her man is everybody's man. I think this movie is trying to show us how black marriages were viewed in the 60s. Even if the dad messes up, society expects the wife to stand by him. The mom doesn't want the marriage to end; she just wants peace. But she doesn't realize how much Cicely is getting caught up in their messed-up relationship until she starts distancing herself from both of them. And you know what's messed up? The dad acts all clueless, like he doesn't understand why Cicely is pulling away. This would've been the perfect moment for both parents to come together and explain to her that she's acting way too grown for her age. But nope, Dr. Feelgood decides to blame it all on Roz, Cicely's mom.

Eve wasn't a bad child. She simply had middle child syndrome, feeling overlooked and craving attention. I actually liked Eve as a character. She had a curious nature and questioned authority figures, not in a misbehaving way, but in a genuine quest for answers. She would ask her father difficult questions, like if he had children outside their family or why he didn't want to dance with her like he did with other women. She longed for her father's attention, but it was interesting to see how her love for him turned into hatred and a desire to harm him. She felt betrayed by him and saw his continuous betrayals of the family. It was intriguing to witness her conflicted feelings towards the end, when she ultimately revealed her father's affair to the woman's husband he was cheating with. There's a moment in the saloon where she begs her father to come home, but she's ultimately disgusted by the smirk on his face, as if he believes he's untouchable. The mistakes the parents made with Eve, I believe, ultimately led her astray. She was a child but excessively curious for her own good, which resulted in the loss of her innocence. As the father, Mr. Feelgood should not have brought Eve along on house calls, knowing he would end up sleeping with the women to make them feel better. He should have also given equal attention to all his children, as it was evident that Cicely was his favorite, even mentioned in the letter he left for Aunt Mozelle. I also didn't understand the notion that stating love for someone means they can do wrong without consequences. Mr. Feelgood often tells Eve that he loves her and her mother, as if it validates his bad actions. Aunt Mozelle does the same thing by saying that her father loves her, as if his behavior is acceptable. Aunt Mozelle also allowed Eve to have crazy ideas about voodoo and witchcraft, without trying to correct her curiosity about her line of work. She often let Eve observe her clients and watch how she practiced, ultimately leading Eve to seek voodoo in her father's fate. Overall, the director portrayed the story excellently. We knew who we would consider the "bad guy," but there were arguments throughout the movie on who was truly at fault. I appreciated how they developed the relationship between Sicily and her father, causing viewers to question who was truly in the wrong. It was a nice touch on magical realism and the depiction of voodoo in the South. Additionally, the film touched on the dynamics of an upper-class black family during the 60s, with the father being a doctor and the wife being a loving mother. It shed light on how the concept of family differed during that time in the South.

[aloneandunreal]

october 30, 2023

it's almost halloween, which means i'm well into the semester now, and i think things have been okay. i feel like i've just been going through the motions; and honestly i don't know why but i just feel so old. i know i'm not, i am not even 21 yet, but just the fact i'm halfway through college is pretty scary. i'm anxious that i did not have the real "college experience." i feel like i didn't do enough. or did i? i can't tell. i know i still have time, but that time will go by quickly. i hate to bring in the "what-if" scenarios, but what if i chose a different college? would i be an entirely different person? would i be happier? and of course, there's always the question of what would my life have been like if covid never happened? i'm being dramatic, but i seriously feel a pit in my stomach when i think about it. because i genuinely do think i'd be an entirely different person -- i'm sure most people would. anyway. it's weird that i am a junior in college now, but i feel like i just started college. it makes me think of all the change that has occurred. the friends i've lost, the experiences i've had (there aren't many notable ones, but still). in some ways, i miss being a freshman and having everything be so new.

i am starting to worry about friendships. i have friends, and i love them, but sometimes i feel i should have ventured out more and found different people to become friends with. i know that sounds horrible, but it's true. i don't even have that many friends in the first place, but i suppose when i started making them my freshman year, i was so overjoyed at having friends that i just stuck with them and did not look elsewhere. which, let me reiterate, i love them, but sometimes i wish i had more. not in quantity, but rather in quality. most of my friends are seniors, and can go out to the bars, so me and my one friend are just not included in that. for obvious reasons, but it definitely has put a strain on my relationships with them. and then of course comes the question of next year... i'm going to lose most of my friend group when they graduate. will i just be alone my whole senior year? no one to go out with?

and that's another thing. i just want to have more fun. i want to go out and do things but everyone i know under 21 seems burnt out, and everyone over 21 goes to the bars. i simply wish i could do more. my life feels so stagnant. i want something exciting to happen; something different. a pleasant surprise. but that sort of stuff doesn't really happen to me. it's just like when i complain about not being in a relationship, and those people in relationships say "your time will come" or "it happens when you least expect it." well, i think i'll just be waiting forever. all i want is someone to love me, to want me. i have always wanted to be in a relationship. to meet someone naturally. to experience that. unfortunately, it seems pretty impossible for someone like me. stuff like that doesn't really happen. and i hate to throw a pity party, but it's true. maybe it's not for me! but nevertheless i wish i didn't feel impossible to love.

i guess the question always is: would 14 year old me be happy with how she turned out? what about 15 year old me? 16? 17? is it what she expected? or is she disappointed? the unfortunate answer is i really don't know. i guess it doesn't really matter technically, considering i am so different now, but a part of me always thinks about it. despite my overall pessimistic view on life, i think my teenage self always had some sort of hope that it would get better and that there was something/someone out there for me. i'm not really sure i even have that viewpoint anymore, yet in some ways i am happier. it doesn't really make sense.

i miss when everything was new and unexpected. it was scary, yes, but it was exciting in a way. nothing is new anymore. everything is so stagnant and boring. but how can things be more interesting if i feel burnt out already? overall, i wish things were different. not just quality of life, but me as a person as well. i know i need to work to change things, but sometimes i wish it would just come naturally. i guess that's not really possible for someone like me. if only i was beautiful, and interesting, and cool, enigmatic, and most of all memorable. i wish i was the type of girl people remember. who, when they hear a song, it reminds them of me. and not just romantically -- generally. because i do that for some people. but i can't imagine it's done for me. i'm just so average and boring. i feel stuck in a body i hate. despise, really. and it's so unfortunate i still feel this way after all of these years. i thought something might change as i grew older -- i'd get pretty, sociable, not awkward. i'd have, as cringe as it may sound, a "glow up." but i guess that wasn't in the cards. i suppose it's just humiliating that i'm still like this and i am not even a teenage girl anymore; this sounds crazy but it doesn't feel acceptable to still feel (intensely) insecure after puberty. i thought this wasn't permanent? i have changed so much, except in the way i look and feel about myself. which makes me realize i've answered the question i posed above: younger me would be disappointed because i still hate myself. even with all of the body changes, it's never enough. it might never be. everyone's moving on but me. i'm an adult and, in a way, nothing has changed in that aspect (which contradicts my earlier statement, but bare with me. i have mixed feelings). everything is the same.

on that note, i'm going to wrap this up. i wrote about a lot of randomness and my thoughts are messy and not poetic but it is what it is. i'm not sylvia plath. i always write about the same damn things anyway. see you in a couple months.

[missmeasured]

20 questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Eight

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

221,561

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So far, Harry Potter and Sweeney Todd. I may do others.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Stars on The Staircase

Thunderporn

Stitch Witch

SOTS Bonus Chapters

Growing

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes. I will if there is a question. Otherwise I am bad at receiving praise and just like when someone complements a dress a made in real life I want people to comment until they do no then I never know what to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Originally, SOTS. But it was made clear to me that everyone in the world is having a bad time right now. And really my fic did not need to match vibes with the shitty world.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

SOTS is the only thing with an arc long enough for me to call it a happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Only once, on Growing. But I think it is because I used the Marauders bashing tag. Once removed, there was no further issue taken with Jame’s penis being compared to Sev’s.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

If you are reading this, then you must know I write smut! Ha ha. I like to think I write two kinds. One is the blow by blow, action by action porn chapters. Then there is the glossed over intimacy of a chapter that where the sex is important to the text, but not written to be viewed as a “sing a long” so to speak.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, probably never will as I do no understand who the audience would be.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Let’s hope for no, not ever.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Severus/me obviously. Lol, actually I am wracking my brain and struggling to think of any ship I die for other than that. so self centred of me.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

An ask about Snape being surprisingly gentle in bed, that I turned into a whole build up about how Snape was wildly turned on because someone’s apprentice kept calling him sir.

16. What are your writing strengths?

My @5everus tells me my strength is in my dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am bad at editing. I struggle with reading on screens. Searching for typos and small gaffs is just difficult. Which is why my @5everus is the love of my life for helping me. When I read to her on the phone I realize how much I just say it from my heart, and don’t look at the screen. (My eyes hold on to light, its annoying. I can’t read books either anymore.) Thanks to my beta reader for helping me more than I can say.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Would not do it, would avoid at all costs. Both my elementary and high school French teachers were such crazy ladies I think I was put off learning forever.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

As a teenager I wrote a lot of A Series of Unfortunate Events fics in the ship Count Olaf / Esme Squalor on FF.net. They recently changed something and thankfully I no longer get emails when my cringe 14 year old’s writing gets comments.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I think everyone will come murder me if I don’t say Stars on the Staircase. Thunderporn also hold a place in my heart.

Tags: The two people I know that write are already here. If you follow me and you write please let me know so I can tag you too.

20 Questions for Fic Writers

no one tagged me in this but I saw @hirukochan do it and decided to steal it

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Eight

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

425,915 (most of them Soul of Ice, obviously)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter but specifically Snape, and Alan Rickman characters

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

See, this won’t work so well because I have eight stories, but if we could have chapter kudos it’d be a much more interesting exercise to see my five most popular chapters. Anyway:

Soul of Ice

Happy Ending

Soul of Ice One-Shots

Professor Snape II

Morality is an Illusion

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not unless I have something to say, maybe I should?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Three Secrets considering you die at the end.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I want to say Happy Ending for the title lol but really it’s Soul of Ice, which so nearly had a heartbreaking ending but I couldn’t do that to my babies!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, the Snapedom is generally very positive! And who could hate Dad Snape?!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ll write pretty much any smut, but I prefer it to be part of a wider context, hence why I don’t write a lot of one-shot smuts. The one-shots I do write are pretty freaky though 😎

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, I’d get too lost in the lore trying to explain why the crossover was happening 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, y’all remember when this happened?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, nobody is insane enough to try and translate my whopper of a fic 😂

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I don’t see how it’d work personally, although I am big into using people as soundboards. Soul of Ice would be very different without @sevsnapes and For the Love of Books wouldn’t even exist without @snowblossomreads

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

doctorrose, though I’ll probably never write for them. Any form of Snape/Happiness is a-ok in my book but Snephy is obviously my favourite form of that.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I’m gonna finish them all! I promise! Eventually!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characters. The most common compliment I get is that people like my OCs, Abbie in particular.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m always conscious that my narration isn’t very descriptive. It feels very “he did this and she did that, then they did this and that.” I do try to go back and flourish it a bit but I struggle to be anything other than literal in my descriptions. eg, if I had to describe a table I’d be like, “The table was a rectangle with four legs. It was made of wood.” 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I felt the need to do that for whatever reason I’d probably do it like, “Insert dialogue here,” she said in German.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER TOLD THIS STORY ok so I was like 9 or something like that and I wrote a snamione story but my mum found out and made me stop because Hermione was like 13. So I did stop but I didn’t just ghost the story, I made a post that my mum said I couldn’t write it anymore but that Hermione finds out Snape is getting married so she gets together with Ron instead. I don’t remember much of what I actually wrote, only that it started with Hermione noticing that Snape had very sad eyes. I’m pretty sure this was before the last book came out so I clearly knew what was up!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Soul of Ice, always and forever. (I count Professor Snape II as being part of it.)

Tags: @sevsnapes @giosnape @mamawolfsmith87 @snowblossomtumbles @thestephanieflora

[tobitofunction]

Oh Baby Part 4

Cheer Coach is based on Sue Sylvester from Glee. Also I don’t hate Michimya 

Part1 Part2 Part3 Part5 Part6 Part7 Part8 Part9 Part10 Part11 part12 part13 part14 part15 part16 part17 part18

You ate with Daichi’s family, and you four agreed to wait for a little while before telling Daichi’s siblings. “Why did your parents kick you out Y/N,” his 14-year-old sister asked,” Emmm, I …-“,” Not now honey, let her rest, she had a rough day,” Daichi’s mom said making her roll her eyes,” Fine” she mumbled,” I love that Y/N now lives with us. I want to be a cheerleader as well, just like Y/N,” his other sister said happily. You smiled and patted her head. 

After dinner you got comfortable in the Daichi’s room putting your school and spare cheer uniform into his closet.” Did you bring a PJ?” you shook your head,” only brought spare underwear and school stuff for tomorrow”,” Well have a shirt of my mine and I have an extra phone charger. Mom always has spare toiletries, I get you them” he said handing you a T-shirt of his, he kissed your forehead before leaving the room to you the toiletries. “You pregnant aren’t you?” Daichi’s sister said making you jump,” what?” You asked,” Pregnant,” the 14-year-old said crossing her arms,” Why do you think that?” you asked,” Well you are allowed to sleep in the same room as Daichi, and your parents just don’t kick you out for nothing. So are you pregnant?” you nodded, licking your lips you looked at your feet,” I’m sorry, but I know Daichi will be a good dad. Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone at school,” she said before disappearing to her room.

“ Here is a towel, toothbrush and toothpaste,” he said putting them in his bathroom.” After we get the rest of your things we can reorganise the whole room” he then began peeling off his clothes, you couldn’t help but stare, you haven’t seen Daichi like that in a while,” You are going sleep in your uniform?” He joked,” Just enjoying the view,” you said making him stop what he is doing, you walked over to him and glided your hand over his abs,” You are very beautiful Daichi, perfect even” you whispered before kissing him,” I would love to continue but I don’t want anyone walking on us. Let’s just get ready for bed, we can cuddle all night long” he pecked your nose before continuing changing into his PJ. You quickly took off your cheer outfit and slipped on Daichi’s T-shirt, it was massive on you, Daichi was a big guy, not height-wise but muscle wise.” You look tiny in my shirt” he chuckled before wrapping his arm around your waist, lifting your shirt just over your belly, his hand glided over your stomach gently,” Or Baby is in there. Can you believe that?” He kissed your neck,” Boy or girl? What do you want?”,” I don’t care but I want to teach them Volleyball but if we get a girl, she won’t be dating until she’s 30, don’t want to be a young grandfather as well” he joked making you giggle. You two then crawled into bed, you cuddled into Daichi’s chest, his arms wrap around you in a protective matter,” Goodnight” you said,” Night” Daichi said.

The next day you and Daichi walked hand and hand to school, Suga waiting the like he usually did.” Hey guys, how are things?” he asked,” My Parent’s found and they kicked me out but I live with Daichi now. And they will help with the baby” you said snuggling into Daichi’s side. Suga’s eyes widen,” You keep it? For real?”, Daichi nodded,” Wow congrats then,” he said scratching the back of his neck,” Wow, so you are becoming a parent” he whispered,” I am the Godfather right?” Daichi laughed,” Of course”.

The class went on like usual but during class break, one of your friends jogged up to you,” Y/N, did you hear? A cheerleader is apparently pregnant” your face paled,” What? Who is saying that?”,” No clue but the second Coach hears and finds the pregnant cheerleader, they will be kicked out, and properly for the rest of their school years” she said,” I need to go, I need to feed the bird in my locker” she whispered the last part before running off. Daichi was talking to Michiymia when you came running towards him,” Daichi we need to talk, " pulling him away from the female volleyball captain. You pulled him into an empty classroom and buried your face into his chest,” What’s wrong baby?” he asked rubbing your back,” One of my friends told me that there is a rumour going around about a pregnant cheerleader” you said making him take a sharp breath,” Who told them that?” you shrugged,” No clue but you don’t think Suga-”,” What? No? I trust Suga, you know him. How can you say that?” he asked pulling you off him and looking into your eyes,” He's the only one who knows. Daichi, I know that I will be kicked out of the Crows (cheer team) but I want Coach to find out on my own terms and it’s not time for it yet, I want to stay in the Crows for a little while longer. Is that too much to ask?” you asked before storming out the room, you crashed into Michiyma on your way out. “Did you Eavesdrop?” you asked,” No” she shook her head, you nodded and continued walking back to your class. Daichi walked out and called out for you but you didn’t stop, his gaze dropped to Michiyma,” Did you hear?”,” No, well something about cheerleading, that’s it” she said looking slightly past Daichi, her cheeks slightly redden but Daichi didn’t seem to notice.” Well, I need to talk to Suga before class”.

Suga was sitting with Asahi and Noya outside, the sun was out and the breeze was gentle  when Daichi came stomping towards them.” Hey, Daichi” Asahi said,” Suga, we need to talk,” he said ignoring both Asahi and Noya. Suga nodded and walked with Daichi behind a pillar, leaving both Asahi and Noya confused” Did you tell anyone about Y/N?”,” What, No?” he said offended,” As Y/N came to me close to tears as one of her friends talked about a rumour of a pregnant cheerleader” he hissed making the grey-haired boys eyes widen,” Daichi, I swear on my life. I didn’t tell anyone, as first, Y/N is the only cheerleader who breaths in my direction, second you are my best friend and I care about Y/N, I would never expose the two of you like that. I promise” Suga said putting his hand on Daichi’s shoulder,” I’m sorry for accusing you-”,” Hey, it’s okay. I know how it looks but someone knows, who do you think it is?” Daichi shrugged and thought for a while but couldn’t think of someone.” Suga, do you want to help get Y/N stuff from her house? She only got the bare minimum” Suga nodded,” Yeah, would love to. See you after”.

You were sitting on the stairs, not wanting to return back to class, your mind racing with names who might have eavesdropped on your conversation with Suga earlier. “Michimya” you hissed getting up, trying to find the girl.” Do you know where Michimya Yui is?” you asked and they said she is eating in her classroom, and there she was sitting with one of her friends, chatting away,” You spread those rumours right? About the cheerleader,” you said slapping your hand on her desk, you looked at her friend,” Leave, I want to talk with Michimya alone” the girl did as the tone of your voice didn’t leave room to protest,” Admit it” you hissed making her swallow,” I don't understand what you are talking about,” she said quietly. While you grilled the female Captain, Daichi and Suga were walking past the classroom, Suga stopped when he saw you talking with Michimya,” Emmm Daichi” he said, pointing at the two of you. Daichi raised a brow and walked into the class,” Babe, what are you doing here?”,” She is the one who spread the rumour, I’m sure of it” you said, Daichi looked from you to Michimya,” Is that true? Please don’t lie” Daichi said,” Yes, I’m sorry but I overheard you guys earlier but I don’t plan on telling your Coach, I just wanted to scare you as I was jealous, I’m so sorry Y/N. I texted it to your friend without my name in it. That’s it tho” she said making Daichi rub his face, before placing his hand on his hip. The bell rang making you all jump,” We talk about it later” Daichi said before following you out, his hand rested on the small of your back,” You be okay?” he asked tugging a piece of hair behind your ear,” I guess…. Suga I’m so sorry that I accused you” Suga patted your head,” Don’t worry about it. I see you after school” he said before going to class,” He’s going help us get the rest of your stuff” Daichi explained,” Ooh that’s nice of him” Daichi hummed and pecked your forehead,” Go to class” he said making you nod.

School finished and you walked outside looking for Suga and Daichi.” Y/N?” your head snapped towards the voice, it was Michimya, you rolled your eyes and kept walking,” Y/N, please wait” she said grabbing your arm,” What do you want?”, you huffed,” I’m so sorry, I didn’t know why I did it. Maybe I hoped that Daichi would break up with you and…. And get together with me. I had a crush on him since middle school, he thought me how to play Volleyball, and he is an amazing role model. I was jealous of you, your head cheerleader of a winning team while keeping your grades up and helping the boy's volleyball team, while I can’t even make my teammates come to practice. Finding out that you were pregnant was like a sign that you were not perfect” she said,” I’m not perfect, it’s hard, keeping my grades up is the most difficult. Daichi helps me study a lot, your right he is a perfect role model. I understand being in love with him but unlike you, I don’t understand not being able to have him for yourself. I can’t imagine a life without him” you smiled,” I forgive you Michimya, being pregnant is still on the greyscale for me, only you and Suga know classmates wise and want to stay that way. Please don’t tell anyone, I’m willing to leave the crows but not for now” she nodded,” I won’t I promise” she said wiping a tear from the corner of her eyes,” Friends?” she asked hopefully, you but your lips and thought for a sec,” Yeah, friends” you said before giving her a hug,” Do you want to help to get my things back to Daichi, Suga is also helping but I got quite a lot of stuff” she nodded,” Yeah, I would love too”.

“Hey what did we miss?” Daichi asked wrapping his arm around your waist,” We talked and I forgave her” you said kissing his jawline,” That’s good” he smiled at the two of you,” Now that everything is good, let’s get backing lads” Suga said, clapping his hands together. Back in your house, you split the task, Suga was in charge of your electronics eg hair curler and straighter, hairdryer etc. While Michimya was packing your toiletries, you and Daichi also packed clothes, photobooks, and leftover school stuff. “Look what we have here,” Daichi said making you look up, he was holding up a black bra,” I haven’t seen this...this since our first time,” he said making you blush,” You remember, the underwear I wore?” you asked,” I remember everything about that night,” he said backing throwing in a bag, your blushed even more,” You flatter me,” you said walking over to him, you wrapped your arm around his waist kissing his lips, Daichi smiled into the kiss. When Daichi's phone buzzed,” It’s my Dad, he says to text him once we are done, so we don’t have to carry all of this”,” Well, I’m done,” you said,” Same here,” Suga said popping up at the doorframe,” Same here as well,” Michimya said,” I text my dad than,” Daichi said zipping up the bag he was working on. “Thanks, guys, I appreciate it” you smiled,” No problem,” they said in unison,” Nice house by the way,” Suga said,” That’s what you get when you take care of Olympic teams” you shrugged.

“Honey?” your dad said making you freeze,” My dad is here, he usually doesn't come back at this time” you whispered.” Honey are you home-” he froze when he saw you and your friends,” What are you doing here? I told you not to come back here” he hissed,” I came here for my stuff” you whispered looking down at your feet, you felt Daichi tense against you,” Leave NOW, I don't want to see you ever again, you broke your mother's heart, I had to spent hours consoling her because-”,” Don’t finish, don't talk to Y/N like that. She isn’t the bad guy here, it’s the two of you. Leaving your 17-year-old daughter on the street where what god knows could happen to her” Daichi said staring your dad straight in the eyes,” How dare you to talk to me like this, in my house, you are lucky I don't call the Police for breaking and entering” Daichi scoffed,” We used a key, I had a spare one” he said making your dad chuckle,” Oh that’s how you managed to get her pregnant, give me the key” he said holding out his hand, Daichi rolled his eyes and slammed the key down on his palm before walking back into your room getting your stuff,” Now LEAVE” he shouted making you and Michimya flinch, the four of you left the house with all your things. Your Dad is following making sure you don't take anything else.” Hey Dad” Daichi said handing some stuff to his Dad who was stuffed in the trunk of the car,” Sawamura make sure that your son doesn’t show his face again and neither Y/N, she is your problem now” he hissed before slamming the door behind him.” No fence Y/N but your dad is a dick” Suga said patting your back, you didn't say anything but just hugged Daichi,” Thank you” you mumbled into his chest,” I protect you, no matter what” he said kissing your forehead,” You two want to join us for dinner?” Daichi’s dad asked Michimya and Suga who happily agreed.

After dinner, you and Daichi started reorganising his room.” Which side do you want?” Daichi asked,” Well I like sleeping on the left so left everything for me” you smiled unpacking your school stuff on Daichi’s desk,” Great” he smiled putting your things on the hangers his mom bought for you,” Is everything going well?” his mom said popping her head into the room,” Great, smoother than we thought” Daichi smiled continuing with was he doing,” You know Daichi used me horrible with sharing, as he four when our oldest was born, he was so used not sharing and getting everything he wanted,” his mom said pinching his cheek making him blush.” Let’s hope our baby isn’t going be the same” you joked pecking his other cheek while his mom was still pinching his other,” You’re so cute when your blush Dai” you giggled,” Let’s get ready for bed, you have an early training session tomorrow,” he said gently pushing his mother out of the room.

Daichi was walking to class when he spotted Noya and Tanaka ogling inside the Gym where you had practised with your fellow cheerleaders,” What are you doing?” he asked making the duo jump,” Watching the school Goddesses' practice’ Noya said,” I thought Kiyoko was your goddess” Daichi said folding his arms,” Well yeah but look at them” Noya said not taking his eyes of the practice”,” Kiyoko is beautiful but it’s all about those tight uniforms” Tanaka said wiping a tear from his eyes,” The guy who designed these uniforms should get an award’ he whispered making Noya nod in agreement,” How did you manage to get Y/N attention. Teach us your ways” Tanaka said,” First, stop ogling them like they are meat buns and two-”,” Hey boys, what you guys doing” you asked, holding a water bottle in your hands,” Me? I was walking to class when I spotted them ogling you-”,” So you decided to join?” you joked making Daichi blush,” No, I was-”,” Introduce me to one of your cheer friends” Noya begged, you were about to open your mouth when your coach cut you off ”Volleyball ladies, go away from my head cheerleader. I don’t want your inability to win rubbing off on her” she said,” I watched your last game against a school with no eyebrow freak, and oh man was it dreadful, I felt like was getting waterboarded. Come on Y/N, we have a competition to prepare full and I want to see you sweat like a hooker in church” she said,” Don’t stress her out too much” Daichi said before thinking,” And why is that 18 with a receding hairline” he said making Noya and Tanka mouth fell open,” He’s just protective, a lot has been happening in our lives” you said,” Well then” she said moving her megaphone to her lips,” GO TO CLASS, YOU VOLLEYBALL LOSERS”.

“My hairline isn’t receding right?” Daichi asked, making the two second years shake their heads