#love how you can tell how my view of 14 year olds has changed over the years

[henrike-does-writing-sometimes]

The Guardians : 2014 - 2024

Or, the "og" four, since they were the first to be created. Also drawing ten characters would kill me

They've come so far, my babies <3

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

What if Quaritch tried as a last resort to regain custody and miraculously succeeded when Spider was 15? It's very, very unrealistic, but let's assume that if there was a change of judge or he would be able to bribe someone. So he has legal custody, he can live with his son legally and not cut off from the world. How would everything go then? How would Spider react if he suddenly found out that after so many years of running away he was going to live with his father, what would their relationship be like then?

Oh I’ve got ideas for this so this is going to be a long one. It became a whole au in my head.

So for starters i don’t think Quaritch getting custody back would be unrealistic. If you read the last chapter of cabin Quaritch showed Spider that his court ordered therapist was Max Patel. That would be a huge conflict of interest so with a good lawyer Quaritch could bring that to court and demand a re trial with a new judge.

I’ll change the Cabin timeline a little and say Spider was 14 when he started living with the Sully’s. He’s about to turn 15 when surprise the court gives his father back full custody. Spider tells the judge flat out he doesn’t want to live with him but the judge doesn’t care. The judge views what happened to Quaritch years ago as a miscarriage of justice that he is now correcting.

On moving day Spider runs away. Quaritch calls the cops on him to bring him to his new home. It’s definitely not a great start. His eyes are red and there’s dried tears on his face but Spider glares daggers at him no matter what Quaritch does and never says a word. That’s generally how things go every day for weeks, even on Spider’s birthday when Quaritch tried to throw him a party. Spider just looked at the set up and walked out, hiding in his room to FaceTime with Kiri and Lo’ak.

Quaritch refuses to call Spider by his chosen name and Spider refuses to call him dad. Spider ignores Quaritch if he calls him Miles or Junior. Quaritch does the same when Spider calls him old man. Spider used to call him a fucking bastard ass old man but that got him grounded, so Spider stopped. He didn’t want to be forced to stay in that house any longer then he had to.

Luckily for Spider he didn’t have to change schools in the middle of the year. Neytiri raised hell to get him enrolled in the same private school as the Sully’s and he loves it there. Coincidently it’s the exact school Quaritch would have sent him to if given a choice so he approves. Unfortunately their house is to far out for a bus to pick him up so Spider’s old man has to drop him off and pick him up everyday. Quaritch purposely tries to embarrass him by shouting “bye son I love you!” Spider slams the door and yells “I fucking hate you get out of here!”

Spider’s first week of school after moving in with his dad, he decided to fuck with Quaritch by not telling him about his after school clubs. After ten minutes of waiting Quaritch started to blow up Spider’s phone with calls and texts. Spider had his phone on silent and didn’t even notice. After another ten minutes Quaritch stormed into the school shouting Spider’s given name through the halls for everyone to hear. Spider pops out of the art room looking mortified. “What are you doing.” Quaritch who was terrified answers, “lookin’ for you a ‘course! Y’a couldn’t have told me you were in a club! Y’a didn’t answer your phone. I was worried sick!” The worse part for Spider wasn’t that he got yelled at in front of his classmates. It was that he could tell just how concerned his father had been over him and it makes him feel incredibly guilty. After that Spider always tells Quaritch about his after school activities.

Months go by. Spider slightly warms up to his dad but he’s still super standoffish. He goes over to the Sully’s house every chance he gets. Quaritch hates it. He won’t let Spider spend the night there or even eat dinner with the Sully’s because of how jealous he is. And Spider gets so angry every time Quaritch shows up to collect him, fighting to stay, arguing all the way home, running off to his room slamming the door behind him. It makes Quaritch think that maybe - it’s time they move.

Quaritch asks Spider, “what do y’a think of taken a little road trip this summer? We could get a camper van. go to all the national parks, see some big landmarks..

“I’m good.” Spider doesn’t want to spend his summer locked in a van with his father far away from the Sullys.

“Well too damn bad then ‘cause that’s what we’re doin’.” It’s a huge fight between them for weeks. Spider runs off the day he gets home and sees their shiny new camper van in the driveway. Quaritch hunts him down dragging him back kicking and screaming. Spider refuses to pack as their departure date draws closer. Quaritch does it all for him while he’s at school with Spider coming home to a near empty room, a room so empty it looked like they were moving completely and not just going on vacation. Spider brushes it off as one of his father’s punishments.

Spider is told that they’ll be leaving a few days after school lets out. So he’s completely shocked to see his father waiting for him in their usual pick up spot, driving the camper van. “You told me we were leaving in a few days!” Quaritch just shrugs, “I did. But then I got to thinkin’ what are we waitin’ for! We hit the road now we can be across state lines by dinner.” “But the Sully’s are having a party to celebrate the end of the semester! Grandma Mo’at finally back and I haven’t gotten to see her yet, and I haven’t even said goodbye to my friends!” Quaritch waves him off, “that’s what phones are for. Now get in before I put you in.”

The trip starts off very tense. Spider won’t speak to him at all, but he will have very pointed very loud phone conversations with Kiri and Lo’ak just trash talking Quaritch the entire time. Quaritch turns his dad rock up as high as the stereo will go, making Spider have to shout. When they finally stop for the night they have a quiet agitated dinner outside. Spider is so tired from it all that he’s falling asleep sitting up. Quaritch takes the opportunity to swipe his phone. After Spider goes to bed Quaritch chucks it in the river. Spider notices it’s gone when he wakes up the next morning. Unfortunately for him Quaritch had already been driving for hours. “I can’t find my phone. I think I dropped it outside last night.” “Well what do y’a want me to do about it?” “Turn around!” “Pff, i’m not wastin’ time ‘cause your irresponsible. Now sit down and go eat breakfast or something.”

Spider is pissed but at least he has his laptop he thinks as he starts looking through his stuff. Only to not find it anywhere. “Where’s my laptop.” “How should I know.” “You packed all my shit!” “Yeah well if y’a wanted it so badly y’a should have packed it yourself!” Quaritch in fact left his laptop behind on purpose. Now Spider has no way of contacting the Sully’s.

Spider tries his best to act like he’s completely miserable, but he can’t pretend for long. He hates to admit it but him and his dad have similar ideas of fun, spending days camping and exploring national parks, doing things like zip lining, and exploring caves. They do more touristy things too, like visiting museums (Quaritch loves history museums while Spider prefers art museums) and major landmarks (though they both agree to go early as possible to avoid the crowds at all cost). Early on Spider gets the idea to send the Sully’s postcards so they at least know he’s okay. He has to sneak away from Quaritch to mail them but luckily public mailboxs are pretty easy to come by. It helps him feel better about everything and gradually he actually starts to bond with his dad to the point where it starts to feel like they’re a completely normal father and son.

The summer starts to draw to an end. Spider has been happy with his dad but he’s eager to get home and see the Sully’s. He misses them so much. Plus traveling is exhausting. He can’t wait to sleep in a bed that doesn’t change states ever few days. Spider expects that they’ll turn around soon because they keep going west when they live on the east coast. He’s about to question Quaritch about it when they reach Wyoming. Nothing interesting is in Wyoming so why are they here? They pass by nothing but farmland for hours until finally they pull off the road eventually coming to a small farm. It looks really nice, rustic and inviting. When they stop a bald man, who Quaritch introduces as Spider’s uncle Lyle, greats them at the door along with a boarder collie that races right up to Spider jumping all over him in excitement. Spider instantly loves the pup who he’s told is named Cupcake.

Lyle gives them the grand tour. The farm grows tons of different fruits and vegetables. There a dairy cow grazing in a field, chickens scurrying about in a large fenced in patch of grass, two horses - a father and his son - chilling in the barn, and a barn cat that catches mice. Spider also instantly falls in love with the cat picking him up and cradling him. Spider likes the farm a lot. It’s peaceful. At dinner Spider says, “this is a really nice place Lyle.” “Glad you like.” He says smirking. “By the way cap, I’m gonna head out at five tomorrow morning. I want to get back home in time for my daughter’s first day of school.” Spider gives him a questioning look, “isn’t this your home?” Lyle laughs in his face, “no it’s your home.” He might as well have slapped him. He turns to Quaritch, “what is he talking about?”

Quaritch sighs, “I got a job offer.” “What do you need a job for! I thought you were fucking loaded from all the settlement money the courts gave you!” “I am. But do y’a know how boring it is being a stay at home dad…”. “Oh boohoo get a job as a Walmart greeter like all the other retirees. You fucking planned this all summer - hell before that even, and you never thought to tell me!” “Hell no! I wanted us to enjoy our summer together..” “fuck you! This..this is fucking kidnapping.” “Pff..stop being so dramatic. We just moved that’s all.” “And you fucking lied about it!” Spider runs from the table not able to stand the sight of his father any longer.

Days later when Quaritch finally catches Spider as he’s trying to sneak down to the kitchen, he explains what going to happen. He was offered a job (a lie. He applied for it) as vice principal at Mercer’s Military Academy. It’s a semi-boarding school twenty minutes away. And Spider’s the school’s newest student. He flips his shit, “a fucking military academy! Why can’t I just go to the nearest public school!” “Because it’s an hour and half away! Plus you get free tuition as my son.” “I’m not fucking going.” “Yes you are.” “You can’t make me!” “Yes I can!” “I’m going to get myself expelled on the fist day!” Quaritch laughs, “good luck with that.”

At some point in Spider’s brooding Quaritch tosses his new schools rule book into his room. Spider reads it to get ideas for how to raise hell. Of course he’ll be breaking all the dress code rules which go on at length about the exact why he’s supposed to wear his uniform (neat at all times, no customizations no rips or tears) and the strict guidelines for how he’s supposed to wear his hair (for boys it’s a tapered style of any kind as long it doesn’t touch his ears or the top of his collar). He will definitely be disrespecting every adult, especially his father. He can’t wait to embarrass him so bad he regrets the day he reapplied for custody. Maybe he’ll start a food fight. Maybe he’ll find the school bully and start a real fight. Hell if they deserve it maybe he’ll hit a teacher. Or just his dad. He really wants to punch his dad.

The weekend before the start of school Quaritch takes him into town- which is a whole two hours away- to get his new uniform. Spider is uncooperative as ever, refusing to stand still to get his measurements taken to the point where Quaritch has to hold him in place. After hours of wrestling with his son an exhausted Quaritch pays for the uniforms. The store manager who is equally tired looks at the disgruntled teen and say to Quaritch, “I see why you choose military school.” Spider hears and storms out.

He’s expecting to go home now but instead Quaritch parks the car in front of a barber shop. “I don’t know why your stopping here because I’m sure as hell not getting out.” Quaritch turns to look at him his rage palpable. “Now you listen here. Y’a have some grand idea of gettin’ expelled, but that ain’t gonna happen. Mercer loves a challenge. He loves taking disrespectful, unruly, feral little monsters like you and breaking them to pieces. And the harder you make that, the more fun he’ll have. So I suggest you march in there right now, pick a haircut you can live with,then Sunday night you shine your shoes, iron your uniform and get your tie ready. Or else Monday morning when you walk through those doors lookin’ like your little punk ass self, Mercer will drag you to his office and after that…well choices have consequences.” Spider bristles under the warning but doesn’t break. “I’ll take my chances.” “Fine,” Quaritch says throwing the car in reverse, “I warned y’a. just don’t come crying to me.”

Monday morning Spider does his hair in intricate braids, wears his most ripped frayed pair of jeans, dirtiest sneakers, and a band t-shirt that would definitely get him called a satanist by a pearl clutching old lady. He’s beaming with confidence as he walks into the kitchen. Quaritch eyes him over his newspaper and just shakes his head. Before they leave he puts Spider’s uniform in a plastic bag knowing he’ll need it for later. 

You already know what’s coming. Mercer drags Spider into his office on sight. In the office two muscler upperclassman are standing at attention waiting for orders. Mercer tries to verbally intimidate Spider. Spider just cusses up a storm instead. For that he gets grabbed by the upperclassman and bent over Mercer’s desk for some corporal punishment with a wooden paddle. It doesn’t end until he’s a sobbing mess. Then Mercer breaks out the clippers. There’s a guard on them leaving Spider with about an inch of length all around. Mercer doesn’t bother to undo his braids. They all come off in one piece and Mercer seems to take pleaser in waving them in his face taunting him over the “savage” style. Then he’s made to change into his uniform. Spider’s glassy eyed and numb by this point. Mercer and his goons don’t give him the courtesy of turning around, making Spider feel even more vulnerable then he already did. the last piece of his uniform is his tie but he doesn’t know how to knot it. Mercer laughs at him throwing it in his face. “Go find your father. He’ll show you.”

Spider’s in a daze as he stumbles around the halls completely shell shocked. He sees the back of Quaritch as he’s monitoring the halls for anyone out of class. “Da..dad,” Spider calls weakly. Quaritch whips around. It’s the first time Spider has ever called him dad and he is momentarily thrilled before he looks at his son. Quaritch is instantly filled with overwhelming guilt as he takes in his child. “I…I need help…I…I can’t tie my tie.” Spider hold it up like he’s a small child with a broken toy.

Quaritch ushers him into an unused classroom. “What happened,” he asks cupping Spider’s face to make him look up. Spider shakes his head before bursting into tears. Quaritch pulls him into a hug. “How could you do this to me! I was starting to trust you! I actually thought we could be happy! Why did you lie to me! How could you bring me here!” “I’m sorry,” is all Quaritch can say, over and over again. When Spider’s cries finally quiet Quaritch says, “all I ever wanted was to be a family again. I love you more then anything in this whole world. Not a day went by when I didn’t worry about y’a. I couldn’t know if you were safe, if you were healthy, if you were happy. It was torture. I was so relieved to get you back. But y’a wouldn’t even give me a chance. You hated me from the jump. Y’a just ran off to be with the Sully’s every day.” Spider and Quaritch are still hugging but Spider can hear that his dad is crying. “I’m big enough of a man to admit that I was jealous. And it hurt to have you constantly running away from me. But I was selfish to do all this to you.” They stay in their hug for a little while longer until they both feel the weight of time on them. They break apart, and wipe their eyes. Quaritch ties Spider’s tie for him. “We’ll talk more about this tonight okay. For now y’a got to get to class.”

Spider floats through the morning too emotionally drained from everything. At lunch he doesn’t really have an appetite but goes through the motions anyway. It’s when he’s walking the room, looking for a place to sit that he spots a group of five kids sitting in the farthest corner of the room. Spider instantly recognizes the tell tail features of the Na’vi. He races to sit with them happily greeting them with Oel Ngati Kameie.

Hope you enjoyed. I definitely have ideas for a part two so let me know if your interested in that 💙

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Detransition: School Indoctrination, Bullying, Testosterone Damage, and Healing - Jade Martin

Chloe: What was your life like before you transitioned?

Jade: Well, I socially transitioned at 12. So, my life before that, I was the girliest girl ever, the most stereotypical little girl that you can imagine. I loved princesses and dolls and fairy tales. I was just very girly. But I was also heavily bullied, from the minute I was entered into kindergarten, I was isolated. I don't know why. I think it's because I was awkward and had social anxiety but, I was bullied up until I hit puberty.

Chloe: Why was that?

Jade: I don't know. They would pick at me for random stuff, my eyebrows or having bug eyes, being tall. I wasn't tal, I mean, the bullying picked up when I hit puberty, because the other girls hadn't gone through what I was going through. I was growing hair and a chest. And I didn't want to wear a bra because I was uncomfortable so it just made them stand out more. And I was growing fast. I mean it was obvious that I had hit puberty and that's what I was bullied for.

Chloe: It's hard enough dealing with developing so much and so quickly at a young age. And then like the social element of your peers pointing it out and bullying you for it, has to make it all the more difficult. How did that affect your your view of yourself? Did it affect the way that you saw being a woman and femininity?

Jade: Definitely. I was scared. I didn't know what it was. When I first got my period, I thought I was dying. I was that little I was nine years old. And no fault to my mom, you know, what parent thinks their daughter is going to get their period that young? And I grew up teaching my older cousins about their periods, which was crazy because they were like 14. They got theirs at like 14, 13, 12, but I was nine.

Chloe: And you're the one telling them about it.

Jade: Yeah. And now they're the first ones to have kids, and I don't. Not yet. But it was uncomfortable. Not the puberty itself. I think I was scared at the very beginning but after that I got used to it. I wasn't ready to grow up. I still wanted to play with dolls, and hitting puberty is growing up so I I feel like...

Chloe: There's just too much, too soon.

Jade: Yeah, it was too much, too soon. And about one or two years later, the kids in my class hit puberty. They all grew taller than me. That's another thing they picked on me for was being tall. Five-three. I'm not tall. So eventually they towered over me. I stopped being the tall freak that was taller than the teachers. Their breasts grew bigger than mine. I was this freak that got her period and had to change her pads in the middle of class, but suddenly they were growing faster and acting promiscuous and having sex and kissing and making out. Mind you, this was when they were like 11, 12.

Chloe: That's pretty early.

Jade: I was freaked out. My perception of romance and love when I was little was what you see on Disney, like fairy tale stuff. You know, a prince comes to sweep me up and he takes me to his castle and we get married and he courts me, pretty much. I didn't think that love was dressing in small clothes to get a boy's attention or stuffing your bras or having sex. That scared me. Not only did I grow up too fast because my period came earlier than everybody else, but now I was being pressured to grow even more. And that was uncomfortable. I forced myself to stop playing with dolls, and I didn't want to. So, that did affect my relationship with being a woman, the over-sexualization.

Chloe: But how did that then turn into wanting to become a boy, not believing that you're a woman? What was the turning point?

Jade: The turning point was the internet. It was Tumblr, it was Instagram, it was YouTube. I didn't even know what transgender was until I went on the internet. And the only reason I had been on there was because I had no friends. I would have a single friend here and there, but at the end of the day I was alone. I didn't go out and play with other kids, I didn't invite them over. When I went online, I found these stories of fictional characters that I had enjoyed. YouTubers. And both of these characters were male, and teenagers and adults online would write these stories about these two men falling in love. And that appealed to me because it was love, but without being a woman. And alongside that there were also people online telling me that I could be one of those guys. I could become a boy and experience that kind of love.

Chloe: Were you interacting directly with those people at the time?

Jade: Some of them, yes. Some of them were posts and group chats. But yes, I was talking to adults at a very young age.

Chloe: What exactly would they say?

Jade: We would share those interests. So if we were into two male YouTubers and we paired them up together. We were in group chats together. And that's how we would talk. And that's how I was introduced to transitioning, and I slowly fell into a hole of transition videos. And my gut was telling me that it was off and it was wrong, but you know, this was the answer. I could finally be a real boy. I don't have to try to earn love by being sexual. I can be these two gay men in fiction and be loved for who I am and not for my appearance.

Note: Helena Kerschner has a very well laid out and argued hypothesis about the influence of fandoms, which is worth a look: "Trans, Tumblr & Fandom"

[kooktrash]

I'm struggling to process his smoking, but not for reasons most people are complaining about. I lost my grandma at a young age to emphysema. The only memories I really have of her are her oxygen tanks all over her home. She couldn't even leave her house because she was oxygen dependent. My uncle has emphysema and it's hard seeing him go through really bad coughing spells. There have been times where I thought he was going to pass out from coughing so hard. My parents have been heavy smokers for 40+ years, so I'm worried about them too. My mom's lips have ugly brown stains on them from all the smoking. My uncle's fingernails are stained brown. All of their teeth are stained brown. It's really hard seeing the people you love look like that and die from that.

Aside from that, I had first hand experience what living with smokers is really like. It's not a glamorous lifestyle. I lived at home with my parents for about 25 years. There is nothing worse than watching the pretty color you picked for your walls in your bedroom turn brown within a year of painting. There is nothing worse than picking up a picture frame of you and your best friend and feeling how sticky it is from nicotine. It covers everything and turns it all brown and sticky. And washing it? Forget about it. Just throw it away. And there is nothing worse than at 13/14 years old going to a friend's birthday party and your friends asking why you smell like an ashtray. And there's nothing worse than your friends not wanting to come to your house because of how bad the smell of smoke. I can't tell you how alienated I felt as a teenager because all of my friends hated the smell of smoke. My parents were the only smoking parents out of my friend group.

All I have are bad memories relating to people smoking. It led to a lot of embarrassment for me. So for me to see JK smoking, all I picture is him at 50 years old looking like my parents and uncle with their stained lips, teeth and fingernails, or worse, being oxygen dependent and dying like my grandma. It's very hard for me to process that JK isn't going to turn out like that. I just keep seeing the negative side of it, and the images are horrifying to me.

I know that he is a grown adult that is well aware of the risks of smoking. It's his decision to ignore those risks. I'm not about to parent him. I don't even know him, so my opinion doesn't matter to him. I hope he's smoking casually, or socially with friends. I hope he's not smoking several packs a day like my family members do. I know how important singing is to him, and I want him to have a happy, healthy, successful career. I don't want to see his career cut short because of the decisions he made in his 20s. I wish he would not only think about today, but also think 10, 20, 30 years down the line. Your body does not stay young forever. The things you do when you're young affect you greatly as you age. Once you hit your 40s and 50s, you wind up regretting a lot of stuff you did in your 20s. Trust me, I know from experience. It's true.

None of what I've said will ever change the way I adore him. I think he is an amazing person, and a wonderful singer. He will always be my bias. I will never abandon him as a fan. I will always support him. But I don't have to support or like every decision he makes. We are all unique and we all have different opinions because we have experienced different things in life. For me, smoking has always been negative. So I come at his smoking from a negative point of view. Somehow I will have to accept it and move on and not let it bother me so much. But for now it's fresh in my mind and bothering me. I hope you can understand why I feel the way I feel.

i totally get it and this is just my opinion now but I’ve also always been surrounded by smokers all my life and I guess for ME I just don’t think of it as that big of a deal. Not to mention, most of us already knew that he vaped and like we knew Taehyung did too y’know and i think Yoongi but im not sure, I guess I just don’t see how it’s that big of a surprise to some [not saying you <3] to see him smoke and then attack him for it. he’s grown and he knows the dangers of smoking and like you don’t have to support his decisions but it’s the people villainizehim for a norm thing that drive me nuts

[singlecrow]

What do you find has changed the most about how you write or experience some of the MASH characters over your years of writing them? :o Are there any that you find yourself liking more that you didn’t give much attention to in your earliest days of telling their stories?

for context: I started writing MASH fic in 2002. After a year or so I wandered off and wrote other things, then did it again in 2013, wandered off after six months or so, came back to it in June of this year and haven't wandered off yet. My 2013 fic is on the AO3 and is ok! The 2002 stuff isn't, and wasn't. I really like that apparently I come back every ten years to an old and beloved fandom, particularly when life is especially trying.

So, what's changed. The big change is that in 2002, I shipped Hawkeye and Trapper! (I'm not gonna say traphawk, we didn't have smushnames back then except in Buffy fandom and everyone made fun of Buffy fandom.) Anyway, I shipped them a lot! Partly because they're adorable (I still think that) and partly because Paramount in the UK only had the rights to the first three seasons of the show. What else do you do, except make lists of all the times they feed each other. And write fic about them feeding each other. I'm very glad it's not on the internet but I really did love them a lot. I think I wrote something about they came to build the still, which means for a short while in 2002 at the age of 14 I also knew how to build a still! a good time.

I don't have any ship fic for them online any more at all; in 2013 I was writing AUs and ensemble pieces (a daemon AU; a Vorkosigan AU - that one I have absolutely no explanation for; a modern dystopian AU; etc). Hawkeye is my favourite character in the show by a country mile, so he's always a thing in my stories.

So the big change is Margaret Houlihan, my beloved. I don't think I thought about her much at all before @cosmic-llin asked me to write five times Margaret Houlihan was really proud of herself, and someone else I forget who asked me to write her meeting CJ Cregg from the West Wing. (I can't find this one, I think it's probably on some long-deceased LJ/DW kinkmeme.)

After that, I was proud of her too! I stand by my view, with apologies to Llin who has done her best to convince me otherwise and almost succeeded, that Margaret during the Frank years can be interesting but is mostly unbearable. But she's interesting, and then the process of her becoming so much more than what she was is both very interesting and gives me feelings, and I adore her. My thing about her and Hawkeye - about how they mirror each other perfectly, in who and what they are and what they can become; and everything about their snippy, bone-deep, ridiculous friendship, is a relatively new thing which I've so enjoyed writing this time around. It shows up very briefly in 2011 where I think I wrote something about Hawkeye trying to rig the vote on the ERA for Margaret's benefit, but otherwise, this is the lovely new place I've got to, I've written seven stories now that are either entirely or significantly about their friendship and regret nothing. ❤️

[prouvaireafterdark]

Do we ever get Lestat's POV in the books?

Will I enjoy the books even though they changed things in the show?

Which book is your favorite?

lol we sure do! He's the narrator of most of the books in the Vampire Chronicles series.

I've only read the first two books, so I can't speak for the rest of the series, but I can personally vouch for the fact that those first two (Interview with the Vampire and The Vampire Lestat) are definitely worth a read. TVL is my favorite because I remember reading it when I was about 13/14 and just losing it over how heartbreaking I thought Lestat's trauma was (also my man becomes a literal "rock superstar," which is about the funniest fucking thing a surprise new narrator you last saw living in a hovel and eating stray cats can do imo), but having just reread IWTV I can say I also thoroughly enjoyed that one.

If you're looking for an explicit exploration of the romantic relationship between Louis and Lestat like we get in the show, you'll be disappointed at first because Louis leaves a lot of that out in IWTV (though there are definitely hints to find if you're looking. I view Louis' reticence to share his romantic feelings toward Lestat with Daniel as a "If I loved you less, I could talk about it more" kind of thing). It isn't actually until we get Lestat's POV in TVL that we even know for sure they were lovers, in part because Lestat is annoyed Louis said so little about the happy memories they shared in his interview and in the end most of the reason why he's writing his memoir in the first place is so he can say everything to Louis he couldn't say before and hopes he will come find him again.

Aside from just enjoying the story and getting a sneak peek at what's in store next season (Armand!), I would say another reason to read them would be to have a better understanding of who Lestat was/is. Sam Reid said they haven't changed any of Lestat's backstory for the TV show, so whether you love Lestat or hate him (or both), I think you'll find the second book very illuminating.

There's also so many easter eggs in the show that are references to people and events in the books or even just prose ripped straight from the novel so I think knowledge of the books adds a little extra fun to the experience of watching the show.

My one caveat to all this is that there are some darker elements to the books that they didn't include in the show. The rest of what I have to say on that is kinda spoiler-y so I'll put it under a cut if you wanna go in blind.

So the big things I remember being fucked up from the first two books had to do with racism, pedophilia, and incest.

Obviously, the show deals with racism, but rather than getting the perspective of a Black man struggling with the impact of racism on his life, you get the perspective of a White man who literally owns people. In the beginning of the first book, Louis says some pretty heinous things about the people he has enslaved on his plantation and that can be kind of hard to get through. I have some thoughts about how that part of the book adds to the irony of Louis' character wrt his feelings about taking human life to sustain himself, but that's a separate thing.

There's also some really uncomfortable stuff with Louis and Claudia's relationship, where Louis refers to her as his lover and talks about how sensual she is, even when she's actually five years old and not a grown woman trapped in the body of a five year old girl, who, regardless, is still his daughter who he raised.

Lestat also has a, um, interesting relationship with his mother in the second book. They don't have sex (in book canon, vampires can't/don't have sex), but she does tell him about how when she wants to kill Lestat's father she daydreams about getting gangbanged instead and they do kiss with tongue at a later point in the book (I will literally never forget the way I screamed when I got to that part lmao, I was NOT ready).

So yeah that's kind of it. I hope you found this helpful!

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Saw the Puss in Boots Movie.

Let's talk about Puss In Boots for a hot minute.

I was not expecting this level of story telling. Looking at the other movies that came out of the franchise, I honestly was expecting a mediocre fast paced joke after joke with a tenuous grasp on a plot.

I was so very surprised.

What a movie. The animation style was a solid choice and well done. The scenes and designs were fantastic. The story was wonderful, the black forest morphing to match the wish maker was making me scream every time it switched. Stellar.

So let me do what I do and try to be articulate enough to explain why I thought it was so amazing.

Who is the target audience for this movie?

Here's the tricky part. It's a cartoon set in the Shrek Universe. It's supposedly targetted towards young kids up to maybe early teens.

Yet it didn't feel that way.

So who is the target audeince?

The same people that saw the first Shred Movie.

You didn't have to have seen all the other movies to understand the characters or the plot. But having seen the first and second movie is key.

When did those movies first come out? Shrek was released in April of 2001. Shrek 2 was released May of 2004.

That's long enough apart for someone to start high school and just about finish high school.

That was 22 years ago!

The target audience? People in their 30s who are about to be 40.

This is a movie made by the people who sat in theaters at the age of 14 watching the first movie. People who fell in love with the fairy tale breaking movie.

The ugly ogre finds the princess, the princess kicks ass. She chooses him over the handsome prince and she changes to a form that she can feel happy in.

This is a movie for all the LGBTQ kids just finding themselves.

So now those kids are grown up. They've been faced with a hard life. Repeated traumas. Repeated world catastrophies that their parents never knew. Faced with fixing problems they didn't start. Faced with struggling to fight for their rights and riding off the tails of those that died to catch a glimpse of those rights.

Kids that grew up with generational trauma. Kids that were supposed to get married and have kids and instead of struggling to find happiness in themselves.

Live life fast and hard or hidden away and scared.

We've been seeing a lot of movies that discuss generational trauma: Coco, Encanto, Everything Everywhere all at once…

It's almost like we grew up and are trying to learn how to heal.

We are also starting to see found familiy. Learning to be happy with friends and those around us that make us feel safe and loved.

What's so special about Puss in Boots The Last Wish? There's more than one important message here.

Found family is a big role in two ways.

You have Goldie and the three bears. You see her desire to be with those like her and have a family and learn that her family has always been there loving her despite her not being like them. She's spent so long looking for what was right in front of her that she almost loses it.

Then you have Perrito who flat out says "You are my friends and I trust you. You are my family. Why would I want anything else when I have you?"

You see panic attacks and how irrational they can make you. How they take over your everything and how you view the world. Trauma and fear can lead you down a path very much like how we see in the movie.

You also have someone who has no regard for his life. He wastes 8 lives without care. Drinking, Gambling, gorging in things bad for him, being cocky, being arragant. Someone alone with no friends and afraid to connect and give up the glory that he thinks he has and needs.

Then he switches to someone too scared to live his life. Settling for mediocraty and such unhappiness because they think it's the safe path.

A good lesson. Cherish your life. Live it well because you only get one life.

But let's remember who this movie is made for. 30-40 year olds.

We have already lived most of our lives. Living the way we were told. Surviving. Trying to find ourselves. Go to school, find a career, get a job, make connections. Every step has been one task after another and we are still so unhappy and so tired.

We are a generation of people that weren't allowed to be who we were meant to be.

But we are now older. We are now adults who are about to be the next leaders to the young generations.

We can retire and be safe and slink away.

Or we can take what is left and see what we have. We can live. We can appreciate that we have this life and this life is ours.

So yeah. This was a good movie. This was a stellar movie. This was a movie that felt like an amazing end to a story that started when we were just learning how to be adults.

Now we are adults and it's time to learn how to live.

Someone once said it: We see him react to death in two days.

The first time he is terrified and doesn't want to die. The second time he is determined and not ready to die.

Death tells him to "Fight for it. Fight for the life you have."

[lauvrehaus]

Welcome to the LAUVRE!

Greetings! I'm so happy to find you on this side of the internet. This is the LAUVRE and welcome to my Haus. Before anything else, I would like to share first the inspirations that birthed my Haus. LAUVRE is a term coined from three words: LOUVRE, the famous museum in France popular for displaying hundreds of artworks and spanning throughout history including Leonardo Da Vinci's THE Mona Lisa, LAURENCE, my name, and LOVE, which is how it is pronounced.

Aside from being one of our academic requirements, this account is also dedicated to be a museum that will house my life experiences, personal point of view and a portal to share the things that I love and I am passionate about for the world to see.

Now, for my first exhibit, I'd like to formally introduce you to the *artist* behind this account- ME! Hi, I'm Laurence (he/him), the eldest of three siblings and I recently just turned 18 years old. Yes, another virgo just jumped into legality ready to conquer the world. Recently, I also found out that my MBTI personally changed from INFP-T to INTP-T, which I don't know if it's a good thing or no. Anyways, I grew up in a very energetic environment wherein families from both my parents are well represented, which equally influences my culture growing up.

Ever since I was a kid, I have been mainly surrounded by strong female personalities and relatives, which honed my feminine side more than the masculine side. I have always known it in myself that I am bursting with colors from deep within. I am slowly navigating my queer life through surrounding myself with mediums of art, predominantly with pop culture, music and movies. Speaking of which, my friends also know me as the biggest Lady Gaga stan in any circle. How can you get any gayer than that? I am also a long-time campus journalist and it has become my passion to be truthteller and a medium to amplify people's voices through journalism. I'd like to think of myself as a frustrated artist and a visionary trying to express myself in all ways possible.

I have spent my formative years in the hustle and bustle of the metro in Taguig City. There, I built the foundations of who I am now. I was born and raised in a highly-urbanized and competitive environment where everyone is competing to be on top, but I can tell that I have enjoyed every bit of it. That's why I found it hard when we permanently moved to Borongan in Eastern Samar where I currently reside. It is complete opposite of what I've been used to for the first 14 years of my life. It's like my world took a 180° turn. It felt had to leave everything behind and start all over again.

Soon enough, I have learned to love my new home without the need to forget where I came from. Borongan game the balance I didn't know I needed. It was in Borongan that I saw the serenity and simiplicity of life in the province. That big move gave me a chance to look for ways to improve myself in more ways possible. More opportunities came my way especially in academics. Ihave bren to national competitions and other multiple recognitions inside and outside the academe. I also met new people that aided me in adjusting and building a new homr for me. Maybe, Taguig was becoming too small for my ever-growing being, and I am meant to cross the sea to really expand my world.

Now, I am currently taking up Bachelor of Arts in Communication as a freshman in Eastern Samar State University and taking every step I take as a learning opportunity and an invitation for the betterment of myself, including this blog.

This is just the beginning of everything. I hope to share more moments with you and grow together as I take you with me on my journey. That is all for now. See you next time!

With love,

the LAUVRE.

[blorbo-from-the-cosmos]

Hi , So I’m a 14 year old girl and I kinda need help with manifesting my desires I know manifesting is easy I just feel like I make it hard with manifesting and my desires i do want to manifest is physical change by using pictures because I have trouble with using my imagination and I also want to manifest money inside my cashapp I just want to know if you can help me like tips

hi friend! so the first and foremost thing I’d like to say is the best tips are the ones that come from you. that may sound cheesy and may not be what you were hoping to hear, but the truth is only you can decide what works best for you. however, these are tips that have helped me personally, so I’ll share them with you in case any of them happen to resonate :)

1. Script and then Forget

this works best with desires I’m not severely attached to, but I’ve noticed some of my best work has come from writing down my manifestations and then forgetting about them as I go on about my life. I personally enjoy putting on my favorite subs, sitting quietly with maybe a nice candle burning nearby, and just writing down what I want and letting myself feel my desires in my soul. By the time I’m done, I typically feel satisfied and accomplished since I’ve repeatedly written down my affirmation enough times that I’ve cemented it into my brain. Then, I’ll rip up the page(s), toss them in the trash, and go on with my life. I try my best not to dwell and whenever I get antsy about my desires manifesting, I’ll gently remind myself I already have them because they’re written down, and I also do my best to make my present life enjoyable so I don’t think too hard on those desires either.

2. Daydream in the Dark

I know you said you have trouble with imagination, but there’s more than one way to imagine. You don’t necessarily have to visualize to imagine, you can just pretend and go over scenarios of your desires in your head and generally think about how life is for you now that you have them. For me, I often do this in bed with a sleeping mask on and some headphones while listening to subliminals, and I just let myself relax as I go through random scenarios of my desires and desired realities. This is the method that has gotten me to shift, astral project, and enter the void the most often. I recommend not putting pressure on yourself to do anything in particular i.e. shifting or entering the void state. Instead, I do it with the intention of relaxing and giving myself a quiet break at the end of a long day where I’m allowed to just be pure consciousness.

3. Repeating Affirmations

A tried but true method that I mainly use for changing my mindset and self concept, rather than shifting/manifesting. I think it’s important to practice self love and believe in yourself just as much as you’d want to believe in your desires. After all, they can’t exist without you, so why not give yourself the credit you deserve? I’ve been doing this daily and just repeatedly tell myself that I am God and that everything always works out for me. This has helped me tremendously, and has gone from something I mindlessly repeated halfheartedly to something that’s part of my daily routine because of how calm and accomplished it makes me feel. I’ve noticed as well that my luck and confidence has changed tremendously, as now I’m able to feel my true power and look past whatever the 3D reflects because my priorities now lie within all I create in the 4D. I recommend picking a few simple affirmations and repeating them whenever you feel down or like things aren’t going your way. Eventually you’ll notice a change in how you see yourself, as well as in how you view the world.

☆ (( I hope these tips were helpful ! I believe in you !!! <3 )) ☆

[littlespoonevan]

I posted 7,036 times in 2022

993 posts created (14%)

6,043 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@finduilasclln

@fraddit

@stationoneeighteen

@hattalove

@buckactuallys

I tagged 7,036 of my posts in 2022

#0 - 5,554 posts

#evan buckley - 2,691 posts

#eddie diaz - 2,515 posts

#buddie - 1,800 posts

#911 spoilers - 1,122 posts

#parallels - 676 posts

#asks - 669 posts

#the 118 - 527 posts

#chimney han - 495 posts

#henrietta wilson - 473 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#'they do of course – arms brushing together with each step they take – and buck thinks to himself that this is the way it’s supposed to be.'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

knowing the 118 do four way calls like a bunch of sixteen year old girls in a 90s teen movie has brought me more joy than i can ever possibly say

782 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#4

something struck me rewatching buck begins that i don’t think i ever really noticed before: when buck tells the team about daniel and the ways he used to put himself in danger to get his parents’ attention eddie’s immediate reaction is, “This explains so much about you.”

and like, he says it in a joking manner and the others definitely echo the sentiment but there’s something about that being eddie’s first reaction and then him specifically being the one to say he understood why buck stayed behind in the factory fire later on in the episode

because the thing is, eddie always knows what buck is thinking. he knew what buck needed in 3x01 to get him out of bed. he knew buck would be spiralling and blaming himself in 3x03 and how to make him stop. he knew why buck was acting the way he was in 3x18 when it came to trying to save sam. he knew in 4x04 why buck was so upset with his parents and what to say to validate his feelings. he’s always known buck, has always been able to guess his motivations and his reactions better than anyone else on the team - it’s why they make such good partners

but it’s not until 4x05 that this further context slots into place and changes things because he’s always known buck but now he understands so painfully clearly just about every single facet of who buck is as a person. and the fact that this carries on throughout the season, the fact that it ends in the will reveal, is so??????? there are so many people in buck’s life who have either unwittingly enabled or misjudged his self destructive tendencies. his parents missed the cry for help over and over again. abby and taylor both unconsciously reinforced the notion that people only care when he’s in danger/sacrificing himself. even the 118 who love and cherish buck so dearly don’t always understand the full extent of why he acts the way he does

but we’re shown over and over again that eddie gets it???????? and listen i’ve said it ten million times but the way s4 contrasts “you think you’re indestructible but you’re not” and “you’re not invincible” with “you act like you’re expendable but you’re wrong” is forever going to make me lose it

three sentences, all basically holding the same sentiment on the surface, but the word choice in all three so clearly demonstrates how the other characters view buck. and the only one that’s right, that gets it, that knows is eddie

i think with everything in s5 i sort of forgot just how much of buck and eddie’s scenes in s4 consist of eddie quietly observing buck. sandwiched between the kind of scenes we got in s3 and s5 it’s certainly a more subtle approach to their dynamic but god, there is something so fucking special about the fact that s4 buddie is just an ode to, “To be seen, to be found, isn’t that what we’re all searching for?”

904 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

#3

it’s like. yeah, we exaggerate in fic. yeah, we take throwaway lines or scenes and run with them until we’ve made them into a Thing

but there’s something about the, for lack of a better word, hints 911 gives sometimes.

“chim invites maddie, maddie invites buck, buck invites eddie”

“this is eddie’s house, i’m not really a guest” even though we’ve only seen buck there once prior to that episode

chris calling buck to overhear eddie finding the hildy coffee maker, letting us know at some point they conspired together without eddie knowing

“Probably just as well, after you told him that little thing about the kid in the rotisserie” “That was not a story that was a cautionary tale” 

chris going to buck when he’s mad at eddie

chris’ complete non reaction when buck shows up in his room in 4x14 like it’s so normal to see him there that it takes a minute for chris to notice something is wrong

buck making the very correct assumption that chris would be more comfortable/happy staying home with him than going anywhere else while eddie is in hospital

buck coming to greet christopher at the firehouse and picking him up/hugging him in the exact same way eddie does

“he takes christopher there [the zoo] all the time. got the place memorised” even though the last time we’ve seen buck and chris doing an activity on their own was the tsunami episodes

buck at the diaz dining table eating with such ease and familiarity like he doesn’t even need to make conversation because they do this all the time

it’s just. it’s all small stuff, y’know? but it hints at a closeness and a familiarity and a comfort far beyond what we will ever see on the show and it bowls me over sometimes bc in a way it feels Bigger than all the #important moments bc it’s just an accepted part of the narrative. it exists to paint a picture for us. to tell us they’re a unit. they’re a family. and it’s not once, not ever, been questioned since s2 and i am on the Floor

961 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#2

me watching camila mendes stare straight into the camera and say “peaking in high school is cringe anyway” while brutal by olivia rodrigo blares in the background: now that’s cinema!

2,086 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

what, in your opinion, is the best onscreen kiss of all time??? not so much in a ‘this is my otp so i love their first kiss’ kind of way. as in, what’s the kiss you look at - whether it be bc of the soundtrack or the setting or the outfit choice or the leadup or the symbolism - and you think, that is a Damn good kiss?????

4,986 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[burrowkit]

I'm feeling a tad bored, so I'm going to apply this to 4 characters from the Blood of Eden series by Julie Kagawa.

1- What does your character do when they think no one’s looking Allie: Reading a book Zeke: Reading The Bible/sleeping Jackal: I would like to think he secretly reads books when no one is watching. Conducts science experiments. Kanin: Looking for a cure to the virus he accidentally released

2- What’s the one thing your character would save in a fire (beyond the necessities)? Allie: Zeke Zeke: Allie Jackal: Himself Kanin: Everything

3- Who’s on speed dial? Allie: Zeke, Jackal Zeke: Allie Jackal: Azura, secretly Allie Kanin: No one

4- Your character gets turned down for their dream job. What’s their second choice? N/A

5- What would they tell their ten-year-old self? Allie: You will get through this. Just keep going, you can do it. Zeke: Eden exists. And, you'll fall in love with a vampire. Jackal: You're going to become a monster and love it. Kanin: I cannot remember being 10.

6- Where would they want to go on a first date? Allie: A library/bookstore (abandoned, as they all are in their universe) Zeke: Some adorable boat ride with a picnic. Maybe to find a new place. Would end up saving humans before the date is over, forgetting that it's supposed to be a date. Jackal: Nah. Maybe some blood sport event or killing rabids. Kanin: N/A

7- What’s the best advice they’ve ever received? Allie: Something something you aren't facing your grief and just burying it. You will kill people, you just need to figure out a way to live with it. Zeke: You're a monster. Decide what kind of monster you want to be, but just make a decision. Jackal: (in the books that we know of) You do know your raiders are just going to back stab you, right? Kanin: I guess in book, Allie's pep talk in the sewers

8- What’s the worst advice they’ve ever received? Allie: You're a monster, you just need to accept that. Zeke: All vampires are evil, soulless creatures that don't care about humans Jackal: To leave the group Kanin: To trust Jackal's words and intentions

9- What’s one physical detail they’d change about themselves? N/A, I'm not answering this one

10- When was the last time they were held? By who? Allie: Well, Sarren tried to kill me. So did my brother. Oh, you mean like hugged? Cuddled? Zeke. Zeke: Allie <3 Jackal: You don't want to know. Kanin: It's been awhile, Allison. Do not linger in the past.

11- What’s their favorite thing about their favorite season? N/A, I'm pretty sure Zeke would like summer/fall for the food on trees. I don't think Allie really cares much, other than not freezing (which she can't anymore). And Jackal seems too disconnected to really care. Okay, adding Kanin to this, I don't think he really cares.

12- Their wallet gets stolen. What do they do? Allie, Jackal: Kill the person who stole their wallet/stuff Zeke: Offers the thief food, water, medicine. Kanin: Takes his wallet back, probably finds a way to make the human have a better life

13- Prioritize: Love, money, power, knowledge? Allie: Life. Knowledge. Love. Zeke: The human race being okay. Love. Jackal: Power. (Familial) love. Already seems to possess a lot of knowledge to become powerful. Kanin: Knowledge of how to undo. Has power. Tossed love out the window. Money doesn't really apply in this world

14- What’s something nobody knows about them? Allie: Is allowing herself to forget about being human Zeke: Maybe how jealous he was of Jackal until he found out Allie and Jackal were siblings? Jackal: Has a heart Kanin: He cares about all his children. All of them

15- What’s in their fridge? Blood.

16- What (creature, object, substance) are they most disgusted by? Allie: Rabids, vampires (especially ones torturing humans/being cruel to humans) Zeke: Evil vampires, Sarren, himself Jackal: Bleeding heart vampires, sewage Kanin: Vampires viewing humans as nothing but food (even though he does the same).

17- What’s their second worst habit? Second worst? Alright... Allie: Worst is trying to save everyone. So I guess forgetting the world for Zeke? Or opposite. Worst habit is forgetting the world for Zeke, and second worst is trying to save everyone at the cost of her own life. Zeke: Worst is probably his self hatred / hatred of vampires. Second worst is his desire to stay attached to specific humans / revenge without knowing Jackal's side Jackal: His worst habit is probably his love of killing those that are important to others. So his second worst is probably killing randomly/being so detached. Kanin: His worst is probably putting human kind above his family. His second worst is probably thinking he knows everything.

18- What are the victory conditions for their life? Yeah, maybe best if I skip this one

19- In the end, your character fails to save the day. Assuming they survive, what do they do? Allie: Fall apart, go for revenge, pull herself together, save the day Zeke: N/A. Probably is kidnapped by the villain. Jackal: Pretends to betray everyone just to betray the betrayal and save everyone. Kanin: Picks himself up, tries again.

20- Your character is charged with a crime they didn’t commit. What do they do? Allie: Accept it. Pretend to leave. Protect the humans. Zeke: Allie argues his innocence. He just hangs his head and accepts that he's probably the villain they think of him. Jackal: "Lol, I'm a monster, so?", proceeds to kill anyone in his way Kanin: Accept it. He feels like he deserves it.

21- Your character is charged with a crime they did commit. What was the crime? Murder.

22-25- How would you describe your character’s life in one sentence?What important statistic would they want displayed above them?What’s the first thing they would buy if they won the lottery? What profession do they most respect? N/A

26- What childhood injustice did they never get over? Allie: Being left to starve. Her mother's death. Zeke: Not able to face a hoard of rabids and save everyone. Jackal: Not so much childhood, but almost being killed by his vampiric father Kanin: N/A

27-35- How would they handle having a panic attack? Your character is burdened with an inconvenient superpower. What is it? If they died and could come back as any person, animal, or object, what would they be? What’s the best meal they’ve ever had? Where would they stand at a dinner party? Who would they invite to the dinner party?What makes a perfect day for your character? If given the opportunity, would they want to know how and when they died?What’s the one thing they’ve always wanted to do? Why haven’t they done it yet? Mostly N/A, or already covered in the book

36- What do they tend to joke about? Allie: Being a monster. Not being a monster. Zeke: Not much Jackal: Killing others. Betraying others. Being a cruel monster. Kanin: Not much. He left his sense of humour behind centuries ago.

37- What’s off limits? Allie: Someone dying Zeke: Harming humans Jackal: Being predictable Kanin: His past.

38- Whose wedding would they cross the world to attend? Whose funeral? Allie: Wedding- Jackal's if he decided to get married. Maybe Azura. Caleb and Beth's. Funeral- Caleb. Beth. Jackal. Zeke: Wedding- none. Funeral- Jackal, but he'd be the one killing Jackal so... awkward funeral. Jackal: "My sister" Kanin: N/A. Probably Sarren's funeral. Maybe Allie-x-Zeke's wedding. Allie, Jackal and Zeke's funerals. Possibly Jackal, but he'd ensure no one knew he was there.

39-43- What impossible choice did they make that turned out to be the right one? The wrong one? Your character has someone to hype them up. What would they say to get everyone excited about your character? What recurring dream does your character have? What is the meaning of life to your character? What book does your character pretend to have read? Skipping

44- Someone takes undeserved credit for your character’s work. What do they do? I don't think they really care too much. Jackal might try to kill whoever stole the credit, or remind them of the shared credit (to his sister). Kanin would probably not care too much.

45- What controversial belief or view does your character hold? Why? Do they hide it? Allie: Humans do matter. Doesn't hide it. Zeke: His love for a vampire at the beginning. His love of blood at the end. Jackal/Kanin: I'm not sure.

46- Your character is at a theme park. Where do they go first? N/A

47- What’s your character’s favorite name? Discussed in the books

48-50- What’s the biggest compliment they’d give themselves? How does your character feel about bugs? If your character could hit a reset button on their life, would they? N/A

Character Development: 50 Questions

What does your character do when they think no one’s looking?

What’s the one thing your character would save in a fire (beyond the necessities)?

Who’s on speed dial?

Your character gets turned down for their dream job. What’s their second choice?

What would they tell their ten-year-old self?

Where would they want to go on a first date?

What’s the best advice they’ve ever received?

What’s the worst advice they’ve ever received?

What’s one physical detail they’d change about themselves?

When was the last time they were held? By who?

What’s their favorite thing about their favorite season?

Their wallet gets stolen. What do they do?

Prioritize: Love, money, power, knowledge?

What’s something nobody knows about them?

What’s in their fridge?

What (creature, object, substance) are they most disgusted by?

What’s their second worst habit?

What are the victory conditions for their life?

In the end, your character fails to save the day. Assuming they survive, what do they do?

Your character is charged with a crime they didn’t commit. What do they do?

Your character is charged with a crime they did commit. What was the crime?

How would you describe your character’s life in one sentence?

What important statistic would they want displayed above them?

What’s the first thing they would buy if they won the lottery?

What profession do they most respect?

What childhood injustice did they never get over?

How would they handle having a panic attack?

Your character is burdened with an inconvenient superpower. What is it?

If they died and could come back as any person, animal, or object, what would they be?

What’s the best meal they’ve ever had?

Where would they stand at a dinner party?

Who would they invite to the dinner party?

What makes a perfect day for your character?

If given the opportunity, would they want to know how and when they died?

What’s the one thing they’ve always wanted to do? Why haven’t they done it yet?

What do they tend to joke about?

What’s off limits?

Whose wedding would they cross the world to attend? Whose funeral?

What impossible choice did they make that turned out to be the right one? The wrong one?

Your character has someone to hype them up. What would they say to get everyone excited about your character?

What recurring dream does your character have?

What is the meaning of life to your character?

What book does your character pretend to have read?

Someone takes undeserved credit for your character’s work. What do they do?

What controversial belief or view does your character hold? Why? Do they hide it?

Your character is at a theme park. Where do they go first?

What’s your character’s favorite name?

What’s the biggest compliment they’d give themselves?

How does your character feel about bugs?

If your character could hit a reset button on their life, would they?

Source

[sunfaggot]

Travis rant (discussions of sexual assault present. It's not in detail, but this entire rant is about it)

There's an impurity he feels for a multitude of reasons. Being born wrong as a gay man, being born wrong as an autistic person, for never being good enough, and for being sexually assaulted as a child.

One's... clearly a stronger reason than the others.

He's never come clean to anyone. Nobody would believe him, because it was the town's beloved priest that did it, and the priest was nothing but holy. Anybody looking to expose him was a liar and a manipulator and going against the word of God. The only person he's ever come clean to would be Copper. (Truthfully: His mother would be absolutely sick and horrified and weep from guilt; his father would have more of a reaction conflicting between feeling disgusted with his son or the priest that violated him; and his brother would turn to full on victim-blaming, mockery, etc. That's why he's absolutely never telling these people)

It's stupid how much he trusted Father Michael. Was he really he just a dumb teen who should've known better? Should he have known better than to trust a family friend? Who does that– to boys they're supposed to take care of?

Travis definitely has very victim-blamey thoughts regarding his experience. He should have done this. He should have done that. He shouldn't have let this happen. It also has some effect on how he views his own masculinity. How can a man let this happen to him? Completely ignoring the fact that he was never a man, he was just a boy.

Travis did genuinely want to be a priest when he was younger. He loved religion. He loved God. The idea of him, a father figure who accepted your flaws, who loved you no matter what. Religion sounded just perfect– until it was ruined for him. He doesn't want to be a priest anymore but it doesn't matter what he wants. He's going to stay in this town until it collapses.

It should be worth noting Father Michael isn't attracted to Travis. He doesn't feel anything of the sort towards him whatsoever. He wants to establish power over him. A sort of “I control you and I control this town, so you better sit well and behave if you don't want me doing this again. If you go against my plans, I will pollute you." Although of course he didn't actually say that.

I've always imagined him being around... 14 years old at the time. Given that he's 17-18 at the time the main storyline starts, that's very little time to process that sort of thing.

Hopefully it does.

While there's a more realistic aspect to his backstory (the sexual abuse themes) I am also planning on incorporate supernatural elements to it too because well this is a story about shapeshifters and the main villain is a shapeshifting priest who has changed into many skins over the years. I'm also trying to do this with Copper too, because while physical abuse is a huge part of his character and backstory, I think it'd be interesting if some things took a more supernatural turn.

I did some research earlier on clergy sexual abuse cases and wow, does the Catholic Church have a lot. I wasn't particularly surprised because I had already known prior, but that's over a thousand cases..... Yikes.

The sa trauma was not intentional but the more I thought about it the more I realized huh, that sounds like a certain kind of abuse.... Well I guess I have to do something about that huh. (Just makes it canon because what I thought of prior could already be read as an allegory for it)

[cmcsmen]

The Power of the Cross for Catholic Men.

(From the 2018 CMCS archives. Enjoy!)

By Frank J Casella

Back to basics. We can’t love the Church if we don’t know and love Christ.

God has called us through the Gospel to possess the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Thes 2:14

This struck me on the importance and power of the Cross. And we are given access to this power just through believing in Jesus Christ.

As men we face many challenges in this world. It is simply by the sign of the Cross that we are not alone and are given strength.

Heed these words of the late Francis Cardinal George:

“God sustains the world, in good times and in bad. Catholics, along with many others, believe that only one person has overcome and rescued history: Jesus Christ, Son of God and Son of the Virgin Mary, savior of the world and head of his body, the church. Those who gather at his cross and by his empty tomb, no matter their nationality, are on the right side of history. Those who lie about him and persecute or harass his followers in any age might imagine they are bringing something new to history, but they inevitably end up ringing the changes on the old human story of sin and oppression. There is nothing “progressive” about sin, even when it is promoted as “enlightened.”

The world divorced from the God who created and redeemed it inevitably comes to a bad end. It’s on the wrong side of the only history that finally matters. The Synod on the New Evangelization is taking place in Rome this month because entire societies, especially in the West, have placed themselves on the wrong side of history.”

You Become What You Think About

The Catholic Catechism and the Bible tells you how to do the right thing. But you may think, as I have, that a certain movie you see or how you look at that woman walking down the street or sitting in the church pew across the isle is a simple, innocent thing and doesn’t make a difference.

The other day when I was on Twitter a quote I saw from sales guru hit me: “You become what you think about all day long”.  It made me ponder on what I think about every day, which lead me to realize how much my thinking – and lifestyle – has changed over the years.

I used to be more selfish, helping and serving others with the end motive of serving my own needs and ego, and praying for my own needs – talking to God more than listening.  St. Francis says [that] it is through giving that we receive, and I took it literal.

Today …  when I give of myself I don’t look for what I receive, because the real gift is how God is blessing others through me .. which I may never see. My agenda has become God’s agenda. Said another way, I live my life as a prayer.

Your words and actions, men, say a lot about your thinking, and when you live your life as a prayer you see the world and others through God’s eyes … and become more like Christ. You’ll know this is happening when others tell you, because you might be too humble to see it in yourself.

A spiritual director once told me ”the ‘best’ Christian’s are those people who constantly feel that they fall short in living-out God’s will for their life“.

Here are some scriptures from the Catholic Bible that speak to me on what and how you – a Catholic Man – should think:

Power of the Tongue.  James Chapter 3    Proverbs Chapter 15

Thoughts and Thinking.   Proverbs Chapter 18    Matthew Chapter 9

What do you think about all day long?

Without the Cross, your life can be horizontal = world view, selfish and self serving.

When Jesus’ stretched out arms of love were nailed to the Cross, He created the vertical = Heavenly view, seeing others as better than yourself, and helping each other make it through life.

Holiness and the Cross

Too many times, we allow sin in our lives to distract us from the Holiness of God. As scripture says, “be still … and know that I am God”.  The two main things that keeps us from Holiness as men is our human understanding of sex and money.

Stay with me now …

The more we be still and look at that crucifix everyday the more we will see how us men need to turn off the porn on the computer; walk away from that affair (emotional or otherwise); stop flirting with all the ladies and instead look at them as a person and as a Woman; turn marital sex from self-gratification into being a Sacred and Holy gift to your spouse; stop using profanity .. PERIOD; stop little white lies and then rationalizing them; and take our minds off materialism: the faster car, the big house or boat, or the latest electronic gadget . .. or just the need to make more money.

(it is not bad to have things, but we must keep it all in right perspective)

All of these.. and more … distract us from keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus. When us Men get sex and money – and the power of the Cross – in the right Christian order, we will then shake the world for Jesus Christ!

So, if you are going through an identity crisis I suggest you find the crucifix in your house and just look at it … and look at it… and look at it.

Your identity is in Jesus Christ! 

I assure you, the longer you look at Jesus on that Cross, the more He will speak to you about who you are and how you can become more Holy.

The greatest image I have of my late father is how he prayed the rosary, looking at the Cross, each morning in a room with only the window light – just him and God – before leaving for work.

The greatest image my children say they have of me is how I kiss the crucifix each morning as soon as I wake up. What they don’t see is how often I spend just looking at it in holy contemplation.

Us men have the power that when we get our holiness in order can impact the world, the church, humanity, and our families …  and all of this can be felt three generations deep!

We have one message to give through our lives … and the sign of the Cross:

… “only one person has overcome and rescued history: Jesus Christ.”

[whatib]

It's an ugly world without Santa

You manipulate With your bag of tricks You're playing God with the world on my shoulder … We're so lost that we all think it's over But I'm the one to blame For this burning pain It's eating up the world And we gonna live it in shame It's hard to maintain When it's so insane It's so, so insane

"So kids don't listen to your parents The parents can't teach us All they ever left was a world in a mess"

Lyrics to "Dignity" Song by New Politics 2010

These have been the lyrics for the youth of every new generation since the mid-1800s, if not since the year 1. You're not alone, the world has always been a mess. The only difference is that in 1980 you found out in college, today you can find out when you're 9 yrs old.

When you find out that the world is a tragedy and all your dreams come crashing down at 23 yrs old, it's a difficult experience, but you plug through it and fight your way through life and build a career, kids and a family.

When you find out that the world is a tragedy and all your dreams come crashing down at 14 yrs old, it's not just a difficult experience…it's life altering. It changes your perspective of life, and how you view the world from a very young age. They seem to become ambivalent,cold

In school I was never taught that Thomas Edison electrocuted elephants in order to prove that Tesla's AC current shouldn't be used and that we should use Edison's DC current. I was taught that Edison was a hero. I found out about the elephants at the end of college.

Our parents, teachers and government didn't want to teach us the ugly side of the world. They only taught us the beautiful things, the good things, the things "we should all be proud of." They built a happy world for us, they didnt tell you that you're going to get fired someday, you're going to hate your boss someday, you're going to lose a best friend someday, you're going to have a miscarriage someday, you're going to stress over your kids, you're going to hate your kids, you're going to want to leave everything and disappear and start a new life one day, you're going to have a nervous breakdown, you're grandparents are going to pass away, you're going to freak out over the late mortgage payment, you're going to get back pain.

Our parents have never told their kids these things because they want you to believe in Santa forever. They want you to be happpy, love life, have fun and believe that every day is a magical day. They don't want you to freak out and go into a depression over the stresses of life, so they let you find out about life on your own.

I didn't find out that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had slaves until the very end of college. They hid that fact and Chinese torture, the Russian Gulag, Thomas Edison electrocuting elephants and all of the other ugly things in life. They hid them from us so our minds wouldn't be overwhelmed with how terrifying and disappointing the real world is out there.

Today, kids have access to information in the palm of their hands. Any 9 yr old kid with a phone can read about all of the tragedies in world history, and that will impact how they see the world from a very young age. It alters their view of people and causes distrust at too young of an age. We need to raise kids that still trust their friends. Once trust is gone, then people cannot work together, and a lot of things, very important things in life don't get done. We need people to be able to work together, it's the only way to build a society or….accomplish anything for that matter

[sunkenightmare]

Blog Post #4

Eve's Bayou

This movie had my head spinning! There were so many moments where I was practically screaming at the TV, begging the parents to pay attention to their kids. Let's dive into the first parent, Louis Batistet, aka Dr. Feelgood. This guy admitted that he's just a small-town doctor trying to find validation from others. Right from the start, we see that he's a real ladies' man, and even his mom mentions how many women want him. He's definitely successful, living in a nice house on the Bayou, look at all fancy in his suits. You can tell his family is above average compared to the other families around.

But here's the thing, Dr. Feelgood is always craving attention from anyone and everyone. He loves the approval he gets from all the women who are practically fawning over him. And guess what? That craving for attention extends to his kids too. Let's talk about Cicely, the oldest daughter who's 14 years old. Her bond with her dad seems loving at first, but then it takes a really weird turn. Man, let me tell you about the beginning of this movie. It seemed all innocent and pure, you know? But then Cicely starts to realize that her dad has a thing for older women. And that's when she decides to present herself all ladylike and proper. She even changes the way she talks and during this big family fight, she boldly says, "enough is enough." Throughout the film, she's always defending her dad and correcting her mom. But here's the thing, her parents totally neglect Cicely's needs. She's clearly trying to figure herself out, but she ends up having this strange and inappropriate attraction towards her dad. Now, I think he actively manipulated her. For instance, she would stay up late at night, waiting for him in his chair. She'd offer him drinks and give him shoulder rubs, which was seriously uncomfortable to watch. I kept thinking it would lead to something even more messed up. She even disobeys her mom right in front of her dad, just to get his approval. And get this, she takes a bus all the way to his office just to see him because he's not coming home. Mr. "Feelgood" should've stepped up and told her how inappropriate all that was.

Now, let's talk about Cicely's mom. Poor thing is caught up in her emotions due to her husband's cheating. But here's the deal, she's so wrapped up in her own drama that she doesn't pay enough attention to her kids. She doesn't bother figuring out why Cicely wants to be just like her. Plus, she's under pressure to be a strong black woman and hold the family together. But nobody talks about how she becomes the subject of gossip among the women on the Bayou because her man is everybody's man. I think this movie is trying to show us how black marriages were viewed in the 60s. Even if the dad messes up, society expects the wife to stand by him. The mom doesn't want the marriage to end; she just wants peace. But she doesn't realize how much Cicely is getting caught up in their messed-up relationship until she starts distancing herself from both of them. And you know what's messed up? The dad acts all clueless, like he doesn't understand why Cicely is pulling away. This would've been the perfect moment for both parents to come together and explain to her that she's acting way too grown for her age. But nope, Dr. Feelgood decides to blame it all on Roz, Cicely's mom.

Eve wasn't a bad child. She simply had middle child syndrome, feeling overlooked and craving attention. I actually liked Eve as a character. She had a curious nature and questioned authority figures, not in a misbehaving way, but in a genuine quest for answers. She would ask her father difficult questions, like if he had children outside their family or why he didn't want to dance with her like he did with other women. She longed for her father's attention, but it was interesting to see how her love for him turned into hatred and a desire to harm him. She felt betrayed by him and saw his continuous betrayals of the family. It was intriguing to witness her conflicted feelings towards the end, when she ultimately revealed her father's affair to the woman's husband he was cheating with. There's a moment in the saloon where she begs her father to come home, but she's ultimately disgusted by the smirk on his face, as if he believes he's untouchable. The mistakes the parents made with Eve, I believe, ultimately led her astray. She was a child but excessively curious for her own good, which resulted in the loss of her innocence. As the father, Mr. Feelgood should not have brought Eve along on house calls, knowing he would end up sleeping with the women to make them feel better. He should have also given equal attention to all his children, as it was evident that Cicely was his favorite, even mentioned in the letter he left for Aunt Mozelle. I also didn't understand the notion that stating love for someone means they can do wrong without consequences. Mr. Feelgood often tells Eve that he loves her and her mother, as if it validates his bad actions. Aunt Mozelle does the same thing by saying that her father loves her, as if his behavior is acceptable. Aunt Mozelle also allowed Eve to have crazy ideas about voodoo and witchcraft, without trying to correct her curiosity about her line of work. She often let Eve observe her clients and watch how she practiced, ultimately leading Eve to seek voodoo in her father's fate. Overall, the director portrayed the story excellently. We knew who we would consider the "bad guy," but there were arguments throughout the movie on who was truly at fault. I appreciated how they developed the relationship between Sicily and her father, causing viewers to question who was truly in the wrong. It was a nice touch on magical realism and the depiction of voodoo in the South. Additionally, the film touched on the dynamics of an upper-class black family during the 60s, with the father being a doctor and the wife being a loving mother. It shed light on how the concept of family differed during that time in the South.

[aloneandunreal]

october 30, 2023

it's almost halloween, which means i'm well into the semester now, and i think things have been okay. i feel like i've just been going through the motions; and honestly i don't know why but i just feel so old. i know i'm not, i am not even 21 yet, but just the fact i'm halfway through college is pretty scary. i'm anxious that i did not have the real "college experience." i feel like i didn't do enough. or did i? i can't tell. i know i still have time, but that time will go by quickly. i hate to bring in the "what-if" scenarios, but what if i chose a different college? would i be an entirely different person? would i be happier? and of course, there's always the question of what would my life have been like if covid never happened? i'm being dramatic, but i seriously feel a pit in my stomach when i think about it. because i genuinely do think i'd be an entirely different person -- i'm sure most people would. anyway. it's weird that i am a junior in college now, but i feel like i just started college. it makes me think of all the change that has occurred. the friends i've lost, the experiences i've had (there aren't many notable ones, but still). in some ways, i miss being a freshman and having everything be so new.

i am starting to worry about friendships. i have friends, and i love them, but sometimes i feel i should have ventured out more and found different people to become friends with. i know that sounds horrible, but it's true. i don't even have that many friends in the first place, but i suppose when i started making them my freshman year, i was so overjoyed at having friends that i just stuck with them and did not look elsewhere. which, let me reiterate, i love them, but sometimes i wish i had more. not in quantity, but rather in quality. most of my friends are seniors, and can go out to the bars, so me and my one friend are just not included in that. for obvious reasons, but it definitely has put a strain on my relationships with them. and then of course comes the question of next year... i'm going to lose most of my friend group when they graduate. will i just be alone my whole senior year? no one to go out with?

and that's another thing. i just want to have more fun. i want to go out and do things but everyone i know under 21 seems burnt out, and everyone over 21 goes to the bars. i simply wish i could do more. my life feels so stagnant. i want something exciting to happen; something different. a pleasant surprise. but that sort of stuff doesn't really happen to me. it's just like when i complain about not being in a relationship, and those people in relationships say "your time will come" or "it happens when you least expect it." well, i think i'll just be waiting forever. all i want is someone to love me, to want me. i have always wanted to be in a relationship. to meet someone naturally. to experience that. unfortunately, it seems pretty impossible for someone like me. stuff like that doesn't really happen. and i hate to throw a pity party, but it's true. maybe it's not for me! but nevertheless i wish i didn't feel impossible to love.

i guess the question always is: would 14 year old me be happy with how she turned out? what about 15 year old me? 16? 17? is it what she expected? or is she disappointed? the unfortunate answer is i really don't know. i guess it doesn't really matter technically, considering i am so different now, but a part of me always thinks about it. despite my overall pessimistic view on life, i think my teenage self always had some sort of hope that it would get better and that there was something/someone out there for me. i'm not really sure i even have that viewpoint anymore, yet in some ways i am happier. it doesn't really make sense.

i miss when everything was new and unexpected. it was scary, yes, but it was exciting in a way. nothing is new anymore. everything is so stagnant and boring. but how can things be more interesting if i feel burnt out already? overall, i wish things were different. not just quality of life, but me as a person as well. i know i need to work to change things, but sometimes i wish it would just come naturally. i guess that's not really possible for someone like me. if only i was beautiful, and interesting, and cool, enigmatic, and most of all memorable. i wish i was the type of girl people remember. who, when they hear a song, it reminds them of me. and not just romantically -- generally. because i do that for some people. but i can't imagine it's done for me. i'm just so average and boring. i feel stuck in a body i hate. despise, really. and it's so unfortunate i still feel this way after all of these years. i thought something might change as i grew older -- i'd get pretty, sociable, not awkward. i'd have, as cringe as it may sound, a "glow up." but i guess that wasn't in the cards. i suppose it's just humiliating that i'm still like this and i am not even a teenage girl anymore; this sounds crazy but it doesn't feel acceptable to still feel (intensely) insecure after puberty. i thought this wasn't permanent? i have changed so much, except in the way i look and feel about myself. which makes me realize i've answered the question i posed above: younger me would be disappointed because i still hate myself. even with all of the body changes, it's never enough. it might never be. everyone's moving on but me. i'm an adult and, in a way, nothing has changed in that aspect (which contradicts my earlier statement, but bare with me. i have mixed feelings). everything is the same.

on that note, i'm going to wrap this up. i wrote about a lot of randomness and my thoughts are messy and not poetic but it is what it is. i'm not sylvia plath. i always write about the same damn things anyway. see you in a couple months.