#love again chapter 12 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

roboyomo · 5 months ago

Note

hey. pspsps. for whenever u need it. hands u a Talk About Yuor Beasts ticket for azrael and kenix. disappears into my shrub again. woe

HELLOOOO HAI. I FINALLY WROTE THIS HOLY SHIT. just to prepare you people, this thing is going to get LONG. EXTRA LONG COMPARED TO MY USUAL OC RANTPOSTS. 57 paragraphs and about ~7000 words. Yeag ^_^ read at your own risk and if you have a Lot Of Free Time Alrightsies? And also if you want to hear about fucked up and doomed little queer guys! I had tried to cover everything about azranix in here so let's goooo !!!

okay so first of all i will Definitely be reusing some of the old info i have already said about them before because Yeag ^_^ it is definitely needed for context for all the other people that have been following my blog and never read my previous rant posts. And those who just Never Saw Said Oc Posts dhehdsh just so this all would make some sense

and God. i've had kenix and azrael for abouttttt 2+ years by now i think ? ? and their story have changed a lot but GOD they still have such a grip on my soul.,,, cannot think about them without being Plagued very intensely and extremely and severely. they were this one Thing but then their dynamic and relationship evolved and so did they as people and it makes me So Sick of them soemtimes i swearrrr.. . .

so to start off! yeah the already known thing is that they're part of the seven deadly sins order of characters but to make it easier i'll just call them either sins crew or seven sinners. For my own Convenience. The concept of the sins crew is that they are mirroring the main original timeline cast. While the main cast is blessed by the divine in the name of keeping peace of their perspective duties. the sins crew Unfortunately did not get such treatment. To be part of the sins crew is to be abandoned by the gods above Basically. which is exactly their fate! they have curses and not blessings and. to make it short that's just how they have been punished for even having desires! Quite Unfair,, , ,

each of them have their own perspective sins and here, azrael and kenix have envy and lust as their assigned sins respectively. each of their actions that lead to this point are represented by said sins ofcourse but in their own ways (so No not That kind of lust for kenix i know please do not) i think i have explained all the needed context before i get to both of them on their own and then together ^_^ firstly i'll explain azrael because Yeag.

azrael is kind of. Complicated to say the least. a living weapon of some sorts! grown up in a hostile environment where the sole goal was To Win. there was little importance in personal happiness because it was all either to kill or to be killed. and he just grew tired of it yk? his hands only knew the warmth of blood and not the warmth of an another person. A dull and terrified view on life. He could only yearn to know how it is like to live normally without having to worry about being someone's next target.

and then there was someome who knew such happiness. a nameless girl, so full of life. just like him, she had no name from birth. Only a serial number. But yet. She was someone that had no worries like he did. Someone who Had So Much. stood right next to azrael. It felt unreal. Like a dream! A false scenario because surely! Surely that kind of bliss wasn't possible in his world! and yet. Yet. someone knew that feeling that he wished to knew the warmth of himself. Was right in front of his eyes. But he also was envious of her to some degree deep down. envious that she had what he yearned for his entire life while working with these bunch of assassin-esque people. but also!

it is very very safe to say that she meant Everything to him. Like how could she not? her attitude changed his worldview on such a fundamental level that azrael was. Fully convinced that he wouldn't be able to exist without the bright colors she intergrated into his life. spending all of his time with her. her happiness and optimisim was everything he needed. It (the whole relationship) wasn't even exactly anything to Her. like both of them very much saw each other as friends! but azrael meant something different by friends Me Thinks,, , , more like a person that he committed himself to.

"oh you are my friend and i am yours? okay then you have my devotion now. We are Friends and More Than Friends at the same time now :)" like they had something Very Intense and at the same time so one-sided. which is Unfortunate for azrael because! Wow my dude you trusted someone So Much you have let your guard down! Bad Choice my guy! because now it wasn't azrael who was the target. It was her. the nameless has been seen with him so many times that she was in danger because of him. and since he has let his guard down it led to. You know. Her death eventually happening.

the loss of the nameless girl not only broke azrael but changed his worldview once again. Because now he wasn't just apathetic to the entire world around him like he used to be before she appeared in his life, but he despised everything about the world. he was so jealous because now seemingly everyone had everything he had ever wanted! that source of happiness! something he had just mere moments ago! the warmth of blood on his hands coming back to haunt him!

It felt nauseating to see others have that joy. and in a series of overthinking it all, he came to the conclusion that. The others surrounding him have decided to keep happiness a secret from azrael. they were all on it. They knew what they were doing when she died. it is like they have purposefully taken the girl whom meant the world to azrael away from him! but of course how could he not see the truth that was displayed in front of his him this whole time!

coming to that conclusion utterly broke everything azrael knew and built it all anew. His envy was ever so clear to see. he knew that the people surrounding him wanted him to keep being envious of their joy. And so he just decided to ruin it all for them! after all. how come they get to have such happy moments while he has to be left behind in the dark, destroying his youth away for this constant cycle of death to keep going in circles on and on? it felt so utterly unfair to him. There was no use to continue doing what he always did when there wasn't a reason to keep doing it from the start besides living. and how could he live now without the person he treasured by his side?

in the end, his envy of others spiraled into a huge breakdown and caused him to go on a rampage. there were no exact names as his targets, only what his heart and shattered mind told him was the target. and that whole ordeal lead to quite a lot of deaths. ranging from people who at least were azrael's enemies from the past to some degree to innocent bystanders of the world who didn't know that azrael even existed

he found weird comfort in their deaths. Like "wow. i have finally gave in and destroyed what only worsened my misery and envy.. .," he kind of just, , did not feel sorry at all for the murders. even relishing in them in a ?. ? Way. but it all came back to stab him in the back. And Quite Literally too! that is what lead to his death and now his current state. being cursed and with the sin of envy being forever carved into him as a person, his jealously turned into pure venom. like Actually. he has venom running through his body, created from the purest desire for happiness. A man now destined to roam afterlife, forever seen as the pure embodiment of Consequences

so spiteful. so hateful at his very core. although he may be hiding it, but the Venom is present and is very obvious when you look closer into it! his only way to deal with this is to be distant from people. there is no reason to be conversing with the beings that once saw him as such a lowly being. azrael's way of thinking this through is just. Very confusing to say the least. he acted upon his desires but tries to rationalize them at the same time. trying to show that he doesn't care. No he doesn't care. . at least he is convinced so but Truly it is just ?.?? it is clampicated to describe for him. Or something

and now about kenix. Oh god This Dude Man. kenix is Incredibly Fuckjng Complicated as a person man. To start off, i will refer to him as his real name (Yi Dal) sometimes alright? kenix is Very Much a very deeply troubled guy that just represses such feelings. ever since he was born, he was in the dark. Metaphorically and kind of Literally?. since he was a child, he had the whole thing between him and his parents and just His family in general. which was Just Good Fucking Lord how much Inferior he felt to them. he was mostly, if not all the time, reduced to a "servant" for the family. which really contributed to him trying to seek value in himself through being useful to his family

obeying all the orders from his family? No questions asked, although it may hurt, he will at least get some attention. No matter positive or negative. he really just. didn't have a say in anything. for both of the parties, it is all just listening to what he is told to do. And his parents and siblings made that decision consciously. there was never any reason for him being neglected. not that kenix even knows of one! but it was like he was destined to be unacknowledged by them.

kenix was scared to take up space, because what if they find something to be angry about? Something to scold him for? Something to hit him for once again? he may be seeking attention but not in the form of being yelled at or having objects thrown at him. such treatment is still terrifying to him to this very day, a haunting memory at best. He genuinely felt like a little tiny being not deserving of attention with how obvious it was that his siblings were favored far more than him.his parents' treatment towards him made him think that he doesn't have the right to exist in this place without value or a purpose.

the neglect coming from his parents, the humiliation from his siblings. the embarrassment of being treated like a stranger whenever the family was in public. all of those factors reinforcing the idea that kenix is nothing of importance or relevance into his consciousness. kenix really just wanted to be free damnit.he yearned for it, he prayed for such salvation to come save him on a random day of his life but there was. No response as expected. he had never properly felt the warmth of the sun and freedom, only the cold air in his room at night. feels kind of suffocating in here, doesn't it? such a sheltered view on the world. It really is No wonder that kenix wished to escape this place. lacking social interaction and awareness of the outside world, , A shame, really

yi dal had been planning his escape from this god forsaken household for so So long, and he has finally been able to execute it when he was still a teen, about 17 years of age. An opportunity so perfect it truly felt unreal to him. An opportunity to finally feel the fresh air for himself forever and ever? you mean it you mean it you really mean it ?? <- deep down he was so Hopeful man. Man. the first time he was outside in nature by himself?? oh yeag. Yeag that felt like heaven that he himself couldn't believe in. feeling the grass beneath him, the light wind in his face, the chirping of the birds sitting on the trees. what else could he have possibly been missing out on? neither kenix or i know how he has survived about 16 years alone as a 17 years old guy with no social skills or concept of how the world really worked. he did make a fool out of himself but. He got the hang of it! Kind of! Normal social life was hard to get used to but!! ^_^

it truly was impossible for him to predict that at the age of 33, he would be found by his siblings and eventually tracked down, oblivious to what was planned for him. poor poor yi dal. only barely made to his early 30s and yet There It Is. Him laying on the floor, completely devoid of his ability to move his body. a small puddle of blood. Was it his blood? Was the blood of his brother he had manage to stab before being paralyzed? no reason to ponder that now, for he could only watch what was about to happen to him and. That was The Most amount of fear he had ever ever felt in his life. nothing could come close to how he felt when he saw his sister holding something in her hands, his brother following behind her. there were so so many things they could do. and it scared him on such a deep level that he didn't even know existed.

there he is now, a dead man walking and roaming the afterlife. the difference between him and azrael is that kenix acted upon his deepest desire only after he had been killed. the desire to avenge himself. to feel what it was like for his family. to be one of the higher-ups. To finally feel Superior. lusting for power in a way that breaks his morals (hence why this guy is assigned lust as his sin). a desire so strong it basically just Breaks Him Completely. In a way that leaves him so vulnerable that just. Makes him so easy to take advantage of. Disturbingly Too Easy. And that is exactly what fucking happens!!

"prometheus", or well, ephai is at fault here for that. no longer having a physical form, they saw a vessel so perfect in what was left of kenix. A soul that has been shattered into pieces since the start. Kind of. He needed just a little bit of a kick to fall over the edge and never come back to what he was. And they have seen it as an opportunity to prove the existence salvation to kenix. You Know. The guy that even fully gave up on religion and "salvation". And it worked of course it worked on kenix that Little Hopeless Thing— yeag. I could go on and on about kenix and prometheus but this is about azrael and kenix not these two's toxic relationship

prometheus is the key to kenix achieving his goals and in a moment of desperation. When he was offered a chance to avenge himself. To strike back at the people who degraded him the most. To feel in power. He didn't even hesitate to agree to the offer which lead to a little "contract" of some sort happening between them and that's just how kenix has been cursed. kind of like being oblivious to the fact that the salvation he was promised was a punishment in disguise. but it's not like he cares now.. . he has stolen fragments of powers from all kinds of divine beings, all for the sake of fulfilling his own wishes. trading his sanity for power. to the point of almost worshipping the one who has given him this opportunity and making ephai to be a divine entity

kenix himself though, is now more than just a god-like being. he is the flow of time himself. But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfucker! You are Not Alone in this! because to keep existing like this, he had to take the body of an alternate timeline version of himself. Which just so happened to be the Yi Dal from the main cast's timeline. Who was already part of the main cast. And so essentially while taking over Ken's body, he had to replace him altogether unless they switch hosts. which kenix forbid to do because Good God he doesn't want ken to have anything Really. reasons that i'll get to later because Yeag ^_^ another problem is that prometheus is Also There with them. a third wheel or something so no you got 3 whole separate people in a singular body

so now kenix got himself stuck in a situation where he has to keep up a kind of play. Not pretending to be the version of himself he has replaced per se, but to always appear calm, continue to be soft-spoken and amicable with a formal attitude. because such etiquette and manners are what have enforced into his subconsciousness by his family while he was still living in that household. The manners that have been engraved into his mind by his own will. The facade of not caring about his surroundings. He destroyed his chances to live normally for the sake of his desire. so now kenix just has to pretend that everything is fine when really. Really. he never felt like a person, let alone an indepedent one. it is always him being the shadow of someone else and not seen as someone of his own. previously being the shadow of his siblings and now to be the shadow of ken because. Kenix is not perceived as his own self. Not that he has an identity really! But we will Also get to that later ^>^

now to finally talk about azranix together. their relationship had a pretty Rough start i'd say. Like it wasn't bad! But with azrael's decision to purposefully distance himself from others.., it was Hard for kenix to get closer to him without exactly going against his boundaries. Yes, he did pay attention to when he was getting far too close for azrael's comfort. for what reason did kenix even try to get closer to azrael? Well You See ^_^ he just wants to playfully mess with someone! No other reason! Just innocent little teasing that's all! but both of them have started to note. A lot of things about each other. with azrael's distrust, he was very wary of everything single move coming from kenix. And kenix well just. Tried to notice all the details there are about the person he pursued to know. pure curiosity if you could say that. to azrael there was always Something that was off about kenix and to kenix there was always Something about azrael that peaked his interest.

at the start with how used azrael was with seeing people as some sort of assholes trying to ridicule him, he looked at kenix with a bit of disdain. What if he was also one of such people? Why would he try to seek azrael out of all people? There is that sense of cautiousness that haunted him and his actions. and kenix ultimately decided to become a non-threat in azrael's eyes. otherwise how could he get such an interesting and peculiar person to trust him? to lose on such a great opportunity? no! he had to do it. He Had To. (no no it's not for any particular reason you see, it is just. .)

with every single encounter they have had, azrael just kind of like. Questioned everything about this guy! What Is His Problem! Why Is He Trying To Pry On Me! and so on. and with enough amount of times of them meeting each other in various places, azrael just went "fuck it, i'll try to get the answers to my questions straight from him" and such thinking led him to the Confrontation part. with his frustration present, he really just could not wrap his head around the fact that someone wants to know more about Him. that someone would even find Him interesting. he is trying so hard to avoid such relationships for the sake of himself and. Others to some degree. That an idea that someone once again would want to be a companion to him is just a Bizarre Concept. and kenix answered his questions, albeit not exactly. only a smile and "Wouldn't you want a friend yourself, in this place?"

which is exactly what was needed to crack azrael's front, even just a tiny bit. perhaps kenix was right. this place was Lonely. So Incredibly Lonely. maybe even reminiscent of azrael's past. and that made him realize just how much worse the situation was. to finally be aware of he had to stay here like this for hundreds of years, if not thousands. If not for all eternity. Destined to slowly disappear into thin air. with a few other people who are just like you by your side. a reminder that everything that could've saved you has Abandoned You. Even the divine above have abandoned you. A reminder that there is no one. And nothing. that is coming to save them. He is Alone. And Will Be Alone. his decision to distance from his only source of human interaction has always been a self-fulfilling prophecy of him swallowing his own venom. denying himself everything out of envy and hatred that is wallowing inside him. like a serpent on his shoulder. azrael is just a self-fulfilling prophecy of self-destructive at times that it is like Hey Dude. Please Don't Continue To Do That.

realizing just how fucked up everything in this situation is possibly may have made him just a tinyyy bit Desperate. more willing to finally open up to others a little. more accepting of letting people into his life. It is so fascinating that a single question from kenix is what managed to change his mind. azrael letting his guard down after so long! truly a miracle that we Cannot tell the aftermath of. and thus azrael has started to seek kenix out on purpose while still noting more things about him. Trying to figure him out like what kenix has been doing this whole time, you know? if kenix gets to pry on his life, then azrael might as well just do the same

it was a slow, slow way of actually getting to know each other at a deeper level because kenix. Like always. has tried to keep his past and his general life a secret. A mystery of some sorts. he wasn't really an enigma, azrael just. Never could figure out things about his family, his past life and what else has brought him here like the rest of the sinners. there were always moments about his story that he always left out on purpose. he never went into detailing anything he explained about himself. giving azrael only (mostly) surface level bits of information about himself. and azrael well, did much the same because he still felt that kenix shouldn't be trusted fully.

despite all that, azrael and kenix did manage to start bonding more! they both learned more about each other's story and felt. Sympathy for each other's struggles. as well as bonding over facing the same Horrors™ each day and they just had to learn to get through it together. To survive the troubles with each other by their side. learning more about each other through such dangerous encounters with the unknown things unable to be communicated with. having to find comfort in each other's presence if you understand what i'm trying to convey here. which then evolves into far more intimate moments being shared between them both where one helps the other with his problems and their opinions of each other turning into "ohh so we are one of the same to some degree. then i'll trust you more because i have seen you struggle with the same problems i have in the same way i do"

with the circumstances they were in, they got attached to each other's company Pretty Easily. considering how both of them severely lacked such companionship in their lives. it was a change of pace for the both of them For Sure. after years and years of being together, the trust they built in their relationship was Incomparable to anything else to be honest. they knew each other so so So long that it is now like both of them wouldn't be able to get anywhere without each other. they both had their own reasons for pursuing each other in this sense in specific but for kenix. it always was a desperate attempt for find someone to be there for him covered up as curiousity. kenix has always and Always followed orders his entire life, at first from his family now to listening to whatever prometheus whispers in his mind. his decisions always had this underlying tone of not being by free will. he does what he is told to do.

But trusting azrael and trying his best to be a trustworthy person in his eyes is the first decision that kenix has done by himself. It was his own free will which wanted to befriend azrael in specific. clinging onto him, knowing that azrael could be the one person to understand his troubles. kenix is very much aware of his fate being abruptly ended at some point and he knows that it will come soon. It is only a matter of time. following the orders of prometheus is the only way he can buy himself time to survive. Because he Needs to.

He must persist and keep living. he grasped at the concept of him being allowed to live only if he brings value to others for this long that. he just couldn't bear the thought of becoming Nothing if he wasn't anything of such value. seeking attention and validation through all means possible. all of his terrific actions had no reason other than desperation for recognition behind them. A villain who seemed to be enjoying all of this has only done this for the sake of surviving an another day.

Yet. every time kenix wanted to actually open up to azrael, it turns into a blockage in his throat. Unable to speak up, becoming a voiceless being of some sorts., , the reason being the fear of rejection in his soul. Kenix had to grasp at anything that would've given him a purpose. being prometheus's vessel was exactly done out of that desperation he wasn't even aware of. without the facade, kenix is No One. there is No One behind his carefully curated formal facade. Nothing but an incoherent mess. kenix lacks an identity. But the lack of it, then, is his identity: nothingness, absolute null. All of his emotions and feelings have always been repressed and they continue to be repressed even now. So no matter how hard he tries to differentiate himself from others, he'll end up being someone unintentionally because there is No Originality in him. And that is exactly how there is nothing about his real "self" that he thinks people would want to stay for.

with how much kenix has been repressing his emotions, discarding them and thinking of them as "fake" because he thinks that anything he felt emotionally is a lie. Because he built his whole self on a lie. A lie that he wanted this. he has now managed to lie to himself. thinking that the affection and love he holds for azrael is not real. That their bond is not real. That if he tried to show what he has been hiding behind his front for years, he would drive azrael away from him. When their relationship very much is real! kenix has no idea how to tell what was true and what was fake in him apart, so he just decided to think that everything he feels is a lie

yet. The repressed feelings, the suppressed emotions. They're all still there. Forming an incoherent mess inside of his mind and body. but even then without that mass of emotions, there is nothing else about kenix that is distinct. pure nothingness. and it Truly Scares him to even think of a scenario where azrael finds out what hollow husk of a man kenix is beneath his facade. The fear that azrael would be disgusted. That he would see him as a lowly creature. so kenix can never be truly honest about himself with azrael out of fear that the only person who understood him will leave. he tries to be so careful when talking to azrael lest he would let something about him slip. he can't just lose someone him, no.

but azrael is patient with him, he always has been. he shall wait all the needed time until kenix finally gathers the courage. he may not know what kenix has been meaning to tell him this entire time, but he can see his attempts ever so clearly. kenix is trying his best and azrael wants to make sure that kenix knows that it's alright. azrael may not be an overly kind and positive person but. If it means that someone who needs to be reassured will hear it. Well then. . . yet kenix could never be able to wrap his head around how that could be true. because of how much he was used to the lie he convinced himself with. he has told himself the same thing over and over again so many times that finally being told the opposite truth is just Shocking to him. the fact that someone doesn't want him for his value but for who he is a person

to bring back a previous point, kenix's problem with ken too, is just how much ken makes kenix realize that he is the extra one of the two. Ken had a normal life, he had a normal family, he had everything, ken had it all !. and kenix had nothing to himself. All of it - stolen. it is not even his own physical body, but the body of the original. he is perceived as someone else, he is not distinct from that someone at all in the eyes of others. despite all of his attempts to show himself as an independent person, he will forever be considered. A shadow of someone else. a shadow of the original and it pains him. and now azrael and the other sinners are the only people to ever treat kenix like a person. not like he is somebody else. But his own self. And he couldn't be more grateful that they do. That Azrael Does.

yet he can't be honest. No. No that would destroy everything he has built. everything he has worked for. but the desire. The wish to stay true to the only person he ever would consider being honest with. it has only grown stronger. The reason why he hasn't managed to tell azrael anything is solely because kenix simply felt like it wasn't the time. it will never be the time. so his one and only option was to finally tell azrael his real name. Yi Dal. although it doesn't seem like much, azrael understood the importance of this to kenix. from connecting the pieces of kenix's past story from everything he has ever told him, he could figure out that kenix only has bad associations with his real name regarding his past.

maybe. Just maybe. he could change his view on his real name, the same way kenix changed his view on his surroundings. To become the positive association that is worth remembering whenever kenix is referred by his real name. To be that something to look back at fondly.

And then the Creature™ phases come around with each of them turning into some sorts of fucken beasts ^_^. the cursed forms that in all shapes and forms represent their desires and their inner selves. for each sinner and other curse bearers, these forms are different. but for azrael and kenix.

azrael's form is completely unable to speak in full sentences. it barely speaks Actually. seeming to be straight-forward but it only just shows how azrael was not able to speak out what he thought. he was all action and no talk. which is exactly how his rampage started. he only came to conclusions from so much overthinking and hasn't tried to communicate with anyone. he just thought ot everyone as a traitor and shallow people. it really highlighted just how much he trusted his jealousy and envy rather than confirming things for himself

yet the creature seemed. More over fine with kenix's presence. Like he wasn't just a little friendly being to him! he still lashed out and acted irrationally because this form reflected on azrael's loses and overthinking that jumps straight into conclusions! but he still acted less aggressive with kenix. he didn't need to overthink his actions because of the trust he has in kenix. a bond that was stronger than the envy whispering all sorts of things into his ears. He Knows that he doesn't have to doubt him. yet he is Stuck in this box. a labyrinth of constant hesitation to Trust not only others but himself too. he wishes to free himself from such shackles but it is hard. it has always been hard to let go and change his mindset when it always was his only defense mechanism from being hurt. all of these struggles shaping themselves as a scorpion, a serpent, a venomous creature. something that symbolizes hidden danger. and yet, kenix has found beauty and something to love in such a devasting depiction of his partner. the purest way to show what he truly felt. how much he just hid this somewhere inside of himself. something that he couldn't help but feel pity for

and kenix shall do anything to prove that even then. it's going to be okay. he knows it's okay. azrael has always told him it is alright to feel like this, so surely he meant it for everyone? all struggles will pass eventually and you'll become stronger than ever, that's what azrael has told him a long time ago. even if kenix doesn't see a future for himself, he wants to make that promising future for his only love. To help him become resilient Together. He knows that azrael can do it, he had been through so much. he know he could get through this as well and break free from the curse.

and as for kenix's cursed form and the overrall story it is. So much more .? ?. his cursed form is much more bizarre compared to others. a constant variation of geometrical shapes and other possible physical forms, emiting a some sort of glow. He has lost all of his human characteristics. The true form of his self. the mass of emotions and feelings that have been repressed for decades, even centuries, has finally spilled over. creating a mess out of himself. A fool now no longer bound to a facade but is now letting all of that anguish out. so much madness, frustration and sorrow suppressed in him that is now out in the open for everyone to see. a being no longer able to communicate, for he has turned into something that is only capable of Wails. Sobs out loud. Muffled screams of agony. so many emotions he had yet to properly address yet that it is all coming in as an overwhelming wave of terror. he can no longer hide himself beside a neatly made front

a seemingly unapologetic "villain" reduced to a sorrowful creature. a being so clearly desperate for freedom. to know who he is. to finally be free from these principles chaining him to a life of silence until his death. he feels that his demise is coming soon. and he can't do anything about it. for now he can only be a hostile monster. a vessel, a prophet for prometheus's salvation. because this was planned to be his end a long long time ago. this was his purpose. his only value. once this is done, he will be gone for too. finishing his duty, being allowed rest. despite how much he yearns to keep living. but kenix has always been about acceptance. acceptance of his fate. This Miserable Fate

yet azrael found himself only feeling sympathy, for this was the moment that he has finally learned about his partner's true feelings. and it hurt to hear someone so important and dear to him wallow in pain and anguish like that. that version of kenix was a hostile being, but he still so clearly needed help. he needed the courage to overcome this. to break free from prometheus's influence over everything he did because he never had confidence in such actions. and azrael wanted to help with just that despite their current barrier where they cannot understand one another. just like kenix helped him, he wanted to help kenix create his own future to look forward to. without death. with azrael by his side. to survive. to keep living just like kenix desired to this whole time.

the end of their chapters as cursed beings meant that the both of them could finally experience relief together. a moment of Bliss. the realization that it is over. they get to exist, unshackled from the burdens that once plagued their minds. a possibility for salvation. a chance to live without being bound to their past or their inner desires. just peace and tranquility, their one true wish

But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfuckers! Y'all forgot this shit was a death timeloop! With how i previously mentioned that the actual protagonist of the story, Yaku, has started a timeloop rooted in the desire of saving what meant the world to him that was dying at the end of the journey. The same kind of important people who cruelly had their lives cut short. And The only other character aware of this timeloop was well. Kenix! with this sudden ending of lives for most of the casts, azrael had also became a victim to these abrupt endings.

having to witness his love's life fade away before his eyes, it is only natural for kenix to also be shocked at the situation that yaku is also stuck in. and this scenario is exactly how yaku became the last one to be cursed, his curse rooted in his one biggest desire. a selfish deed covered up as an act of selflessness. their timelines' restarting, the flow of time now looping on and on until yaku manages to save everyone from these deaths

kenix had no control over this, he was forced to watch the protagonist and his nephew descend into madness over a singular goal. while also having to relive his entire life over and over again. a cycle of misery for everyone involved. the others would never be able to realize that this was a timeloop, so the first and the original time they had done this. Has became their script. that everyone, including kenix, had to follow until the end

of course in the first few loops, kenix had also tried to do everything in his power to ensure that his friends. that azrael. would be safe from their gruesome demise. yet their endings had already been written as part of the unchangeable fate by the forces above. neither kenix or yaku had a chance at succeeding. despite kenix's own attempts to save his partner, there was nothing he could do. he could only Watch how his impending doom was slowly getting closer

it was Painful. he could see azrael, he feel him, talk to him, interact with him in general just like normal. yet it wasn't him. no that could never be azrael ever again. that azrael felt surreal. abnormal. like he was programmed beforehand. there was nothing new about him and he felt so Off. Because kenix was aware that this is just the repeating of their original story. it's like he talked to someone playing pretend. his original feeling of "this doesn't feel real (positive)" when he first met azrael has turned into "this doesn't feel real. (derogatory)" kind of feeling. seeing azrael like this was just tormenting. a painful reminder that he will, one day, leave him not by will. and kenix will have to learn to live without him

to live without the person who had shown him love and how to love for the first time ever. a someone who had changed the course of his life so much. brought down what kenix had thought of the world and built it anew. keeping his silence about the truth because now. it was the only the thing that he could never ever tell azrael. what he had seen that day. None of it. for his sake.

perhaps, if they had never met here. if they had met at a different time.

In short, they are so fucking Doomed.

smth smth. Yeag. Good Fucking Lord They Make Me Sick

#there are so so many things kenix wants to tell azrael. yet that fear lingering in his heart that becomes the obstacle in his throat.#kenix is scared of rejection by the only person he loved but azrael never would reject him in the first place.#azrael had always been a guide to him in the situations that seemed like they had no way out of.#knowing that he always had someone to rely on. someone to come back to and greet kenix with open arms.#while kenix was something else for azrael. That someone that brought joy to his life. Like the nameless girl.#azrael will always seek out kenix. he'll find him through any means possible. to make sure that he's safe #he doesn't want to repeat his reckless mistake after all.#this is not even talking about how they both take care of the same 12 yr old girl (sora) who is part of the sins crew #essentially becoming her parents. growing even closer to each other #this whole thing is why i like the idea azrael and 2nd main story arc kenix interacting.#kenix in a far better state of mind still grieving the loss of his beloved people. getting to see that one special someone again #a bittersweet thought.#however. kenix would no longer ever seek that kind of love with someone else. what he had with azrael Was Special #forever immortalizing it by keeping azrael's ring he had gifted him and remembering his partner.#to find someone else is to betray his only love. And he could never bear the thought of having to live with that #azrael may have been deleted from this reality with no one else to remember him. But kenix will forever keep him in his heart #perhaps if things were different. they could still be writing their next chapter together.#but i guess there's no point in lamenting about that now Huh?#okay but actually. CRYING AND SOBBIJG AND POINTING AT THEM. GOD THEY MAKE ME SO SAD.#“they had such a close bond that they meant everything to each other” “yeah idk man They're So Fucking Gay For Each Other”#yomo ocs?!#yomoart #oc: kenix #oc: azrael

27 notes · View notes

masked-and-doomed · 9 months ago

Text

Two fic ideas in the past few days? That's unfair,,, *opens a new WIP*

#re read the. the may and dr bald fic by f.aus.layer. y'know. that one.#I'm unsatisfied with how i dealt with dr bald and UG meeting (back when i didnt fully get the man. two mental breakdowns later and i think #i think i have him down somewhat. better than past me at least. hah. growth.)#it's just the general theme I've got down but i wanna write it. like i think it'd be a really cool (dr bald suffering compilation)#it'd be in second person. because i think that would fuck hard.#like maybe. 5 chapters most. vignettes.#again. dr bald suffering compilation lol #hey what if i was a 12 year old girl and you had trauma regarding a young girl dying on your table. wouldn't that be funny.#also what if i hated you and love you with such intensity. that i kept killing you and comforting you. lol.#ah rambling #silly doctor man

0 notes

kamiversee · 4 months ago

Text

˗ˏˋ My Love Note ´ˎ˗

12 | and I know

❧ Synopsis | In which Choso Kamo, your asshole of a best friend, starts to change after you get involved with a rather cheeky cashier, Gojo Satoru.

❧ Content | language, semi-public sex, creampie, cockwarming, dirty talk, filth, praise, fluff, comfort(?), slight exhibitionism, etc.

❧ Word Count | 5.5k

❧ Pairings | Choso Kamo x f!reader & Gojo Satoru x f!reader.

| Chapters mlist |

——“Uhuh, thaaat’s it. Ride that fuckin’ cock. Jus’ like that.” Gojo’s grunting out to you within the next few minutes. You knew he was a talker but fuck, it really does get significantly worse every time you engage in these sexual acts with him. “What’s my name? Say it again f’me, pretty. Sounds s’good on your tongue.”

He is so stupidly talkative that it's almost painful, mainly because you’re trying to maintain the constant bounce on his long cock. That leaked, blushing pink tip of his is just French kissing the sweetest depths of your cunt and you’re left ridiculously addicted.

“S-Satoru… hnngh-, fuck,” You babble in between the thick stretches of Gojo’s cock slotting into your greedy cunt perfectly. His dick is so mean against your soddened walls that you swear you’re cockdrunk after only the first few minutes of riding him. Not to mention the way he’s talking to you is doing wonders at making your mind go blank.

With his head all relaxed back against the seating of the car, his darkened blue eyes overly enthralled by the gorgeous display of your body over him, and his hands helping you fuck yourself on him just right—Gojo’s in heaven just as much as you are right now. “Pussy’s so fuckin’ perfect for me, shiiit.” He sleazes, moving his hands back to relax along the expanse of his car’s seating.

All he wants to do is just sit there and watch you for a bit. His eyes are everywhere on you though, dazed by each jump of your tits, the way his shaft disappears inside you over and over as you cry out his name, and the way your face dazes over in the most slutty expression he’s ever seen from you.

“Y’know how long I’ve been-, fuck… wantin’ to see you like this?” Gojo hums as he moves one hand. He can only ever keep his touch off of you for so long before that urge consumes him again. That hand of his falls on your hip and he guides you through the next roll against him, “Y’look so fuckin pretty ridin’ this cock. Like it was made f’you, ughh fuck.”

Your brows meet in pleasure and a breathy moan of his name starks past your lips. His groans are by far one of the sexiest sounds you’ve ever heard. Each one ripples out from deep within his chest, bottom lip having this slight quiver to it each time he releases that sinful sound and his abs visibly tensing up at every clamp your pussy makes around him.

The moonlight from outside was the only thing illuminating Gojo’s sweat-slicked body as you rode him in earnest. The windows of his car had slightly fogged within the few minutes you’ve been having sex in this position and anyone who walks by for even a fraction of a second would know what was going on in there without a doubt.

Part of the reasoning behind that being the grunts and groans from Gojo accompanied by the delicate moans of his name pouring from your mouth, and the other reason being the slight bounce of the vehicle. It’s a faint movement, sure. But anyone could gather what was taking place behind those foggy-tinted windows of Gojo’s car.

The man’s gaze soon focuses on your tits and he’s stuck in a small trance watching the consistent recoil of them as you move. So stuck that he involuntarily leans forward and wraps his fingers around your waist for a second, then his lips are cupping your right perked bud into his mouth and he’s latched onto you like a damn slug.

With an eager suck and a muffled groan, you feel that slick tongue of his whirl around your nipple—flicking it in between his teeth for a second before pulling away slightly just to spit on it. “Pretty body like this deserves worship,” Gojo rasps hotly into your skin before taking you back into his mouth. Then his eyes flick upward and he catches the way you’re whining for him.

“Satoru,” You whisper, one of your hands losing its fingers into the tangled mess of his white hair as you hold him in place. Then your hips are rutting against his in more jerky movements and you can feel his cock slap so sloppily against your syrupy clenched walls.

He angles his head a bit more so you can watch him suckle your nipple against his tongue lewdly. Humming a lazy, “Mmh?” In response to your small cry of his name. “Y’like that?”

You just nod and intimacy glosses over both of your eyes. “Uhuh, f-feels good,” You stammer, feeling him groan messily at your words.

Gojo flashes a lopsided smile before lulling his tongue out, allowing you to get the raw sight of the muscle swirling around your perked bud languidly. “Mmh, good. S’all I wanna do,” He slurs into you as one of his hands slides down along your body languidly until his thumb approaches your clit and he gives you this mean and abrupt swirl.

A gasp emits from your throat and Gojo’s smile only grows more wildly obsessed. The expression on your face, the sudden tightening of your walls around his aching cock, the changed pitch in your breathing—oh fuck, it’s intoxicating. Gojo’s thumbing at your clit faster than he realizes without second thought, infatuated by how insane he’s driving you right now.

You quickly shoot a hand down to his wrist and hunch forward, your forehead falling to his shoulder as your hips come to a jerky halt. Your lips remain parted and your legs feel like they’re turning into unmoving mush. “W-Wait,” You choke out, feeling his thumb swat left and then press. “Fuck, Satoru—“

Before you can even finish moaning his name, you’re making a filthy mess around him and your body is twitching ever so slightly.

Smiling wider, Gojo’s lips press against your ear and his voice dips into that deeply soft aroused pitch, “There she is,” He praises ever so sweetly while caressing your clit with his thumb softly and relishing in every tense grasp and spasm of your cunt.

He remains gentle with you for a little while longer, letting your high die off and being careful not to drive you straight into overstimulation. You’re busy panting heavily against his shoulder and your hips have unconsciously lifted so he’s not even fully inside you anymore.

Gojo lets off a hum and glides his hands over to hold onto those hips of yours, his touch tender. “You can give me another one, right?” He requests into your ear whilst feeling your body up again.

Your hands move to hold onto his wrists and it takes your mind a second to come almost all the way down from your high. Batting your lashes, you lean up from his shoulder and meet his eyes with a surprisingly eager nod. “Mhm,” You hum, guiding his hands downwards to remain glued to your hips, “M’not… done with you yet, ‘Toru.”

There’s an angry twitch of his cock felt inside you but what really gets you going is the crazed way in which his smile shifts, practical hearts fluttering through his gaze in reaction to your words. The confidence you had so suddenly despite the way you were just clinging onto him desperately has the man in a frenzy. “Oh?” Gojo muses, slouching back again. “Well, shit. M’all yours, sweets. Give this cowboy a nice ride, yeah?”

Rolling your eyes at his never-ending corniness, your hands leave his wrists and graze over his chest as you give him a brief feel. Gojo shudders beneath that small touch of yours, his brows just barely tensing while his eyes flick back and forth between you caressing him and your focused expression. Then, in an instant, your eyes meet his and you have this nerve to smirk.

The man doesn’t even get a chance to gather what’s about to take place before you’re retracting your touch from his anxious body and placing your hand atop the cowgirl hat you’ve got on—having remembered what kinda costume you were wearing and the way you hadn’t stripped yourself of the get-up completely. And oh, are you the most perfect woman Gojo thinks he’s ever laid his eyes on because when you tip your hat back a bit, cock your head to the side a little, and roll your hips forward perfectly, he realizes he’s about to get a slight show from you.

Damn the way your eyes stay on his too ‘cause now he can’t hide the way his eyes flicker as you grind against him sensually. Back and forth ‘n back and forth. The rhythmic rock of your body against his was driving him insane. Gojo’s jaw falls faster than he realizes at the very second that his cock delves deep inside you. Then he makes the mistake of looking down at the connection and oh god…

“Fuuck me,” Gojo pants thickly, “F-Fuck me, baby. Shit, d-don’t—oh fuck,” He sputters out, spotting that sexy bulge of his cock imprinted against your skin. He was so deep, stuffing you nice ‘n full.

You move a hand to his chin and his breath leaves his throat entirely in a faint gasp as you force his head up. Now he’s met with your face again and shit, he’s so weak. “Eyes on me, ‘Toru. C’mon,” You direct gently.

Lifting languidly, you watch him choke out moans with each time your pussy sloshes down on him, engulfing his dick in your warmth and sucking him in perfectly. Gojo doesn’t even remember what he was mad about before this. Hell, what’d you guys even come out here to his car for? Surely it wasn’t this… this is…

“Satoru,” You call you, breaking him from his daze. Then you lean forward and your thumb swipes against his bottom lip, “You’re drooling…”

At that point, he doesn’t even try to suppress the whine that leaves his throat. It’s loud and clear all for you—striking against your ears in this desperate pitch that makes your cunt throb wildly.

Your hands steadily snake around his neck and you pull yourself close to him, chest to chest, and breaths mingling with one another again. His eyes can’t leave yours now, not when you’re this close, and not when you’re gazing at him so intimately. Your pace picks up again and Gojo’s losing his everloving mind at each and every swivel and swirl of your hips. So nasty with these sloppy squelches echoing against the expanse of his car.

Now nonverbal, the vehicle feels ten times hotter than it was before. You’re so close to him that he fears for the possibility of you hearing that thrumming heart of his against his ribcage. Gojo’s nervous.

Or… He was until his plump cockhead thwacks against this spongey spot inside you and your entire body reacts with a quick lift of your hips.

It’s then that his mind seems to start working again—his hands gripping onto your skin tighter than before, “Nonono, don’t run from it, lemme feel her ‘real good,” Gojo rasps out heavily, his glassy eyes glistening over as you ease yourself back down nice and slow so that his cock can hit that spot again. “Mhm, riiide this dick, sweetheart. There you go, keep that pretty pussy on me—fuuck..”

He’s right where you need him and he knows it by your twitching expression. You’re losing your composure all over again and the confidence you had moments ago is fading into orgasmic bliss. “S-, aah… Satoru,” You gasp lightly, the words hardly leaving your throat while you try lifting yourself again to escape for a moment.

Gojo shakes his head. “That’s it, ‘Toru’s gotcha’. Hold onto me,” He instructs, still maintaining that honeyed eye contact as he feels your arms begin to lock around his neck.

He leans back even more, your body angling along with him. Then, Gojo places his large hands on the purchase of your ass, spreading your cheeks apart and lifting your cunt almost all the way off of his cock slowly. Once only the tip is left kissing your pussy, you get half a second to catch your breath before he pushes you right back down on him even slower than before. Lazily letting his thick cock spread your drooling pussy open all over again.

“So fuckin’ wet,” He grunts, using his grip on your ass to slick your cunt up and down his dick messily.

It’s slow at first but with the next whine of his name you let out, Gojo gives your ass a harsh slap before keeping you in place and then thrusting his hips upward.

Your jaw falls and you start drooling, “Fuck, ah.. mnh, S-Satoru, fuck me,” Your words are just spilling out of your mouth as Gojo drowns his cock up into that filthy cavern of yours, tip gushing at the wet gurgles leaving your cunt whilst he bottoms out.

His balls smack heavy against your ass with how hard he fucking himself up into you. Eventually, he finds his mouth hanging open and his eyes rolling all the way back once he gets a nice pace going for himself. “Right here, huh?” Gojo huffs mid-thrust, just barely prodding against that sensitive spot of yours for a bit before hitting it directly and watching your eyes go wide ‘n then fall back. “Yeahh, that’s the spot, isn’t it?”

You’re clinging onto him all over again, your nails scratching over the upper skin of his back as words fail to form in your mouth. The only thing leaving your throat was wet moans before Gojo smiled again and then pressed his lips to yours.

It’s a filthy, drool-induced kiss but neither of you seems to care. Wet smacks from all over ricochet throughout his vehicle as the two of you get entirely lost in one another. From the constant thick stretch of his cock to the needy way in which his hands explored your body, you’d found yourself forgetting how you got to this point with him as well. Gojo’s hands smoothed along your tensed skin each time he guided you down on him, his lips locked with yours eagerly in contrast as he did so.

And then you weren’t fairing much better—running your nails all throughout his hair, along his shoulder and back, scraping at his skin, and hissing into his mouth when he hit too deep. Most of his vehicle was fogged with the air of sex by this point, safe for the windshield which wasn’t as fogged since it’s all the way in the front but it’s not like anyone would be looking or watching the two of you.

After all, it was dark where Gojo had his car parked so neither of you had a care in the world. Not only that but, as said before, a person would be able to tell what was taking place inside that vehicle anyway. It’d dip down and then spring back up in a rhythmic fashion that only meant one thing…

Given that, you were far too caught up in fucking Gojo to the brink of insanity that the last thought to cross your mind was the possibility of someone walking by the car and seeing what happened. Or, more specifically, someone you know walking by and spotting the two of you.

The world probably has something against this man because it’s really just his luck that when he decides to break away from the party to get some fresh air and go on a small walk, it’s Gojo’s car he’s passing by. Now, he spotted the bouncing of the vehicle long before approaching it but he had no idea whose vehicle it was and it’s not like that was his first time acknowledging some horny couple going at it in the car.

What told Choso that it was Gojo’s vehicle was the all too familiar muffled sound of your moaning along with the faintly blurred sight of your costume top. Of course Gojo has decent tint on his windows, y’know, all except for the windshield which has a lighter tint on it… That, and the fact that Choso found himself staring too hard so it wasn’t hard for him to spot you.

Tripping over his own feet as he realizes it’s you, the man stumbles forward to quickly pass the car with a loud clearing of his throat.

And the cherry on top? The fact that the sound that leaves his throat hits your ears from inside.

Your lips messily detach from Gojo’s and both of you are panting as you turn your head to glance over to your left, watching as someone’s silhouette passes by the car rather quickly. “Shit, Satoru,” You call out breathlessly as your eyes follow the outline of someone distancing themself from the vehicle as fast as they could. Hell, it looked like they were running away.

Gojo grunts, “Huh? What’s wrong, why’d you stop?”

You look back down at the man in all his unkempt glory, watching a small bead of sweat trickle down the side of his face. He was such an unfairly pretty man. “I think someone saw us,” You hush out to him before snatching your gaze away from his attentive blue eyes and glancing elsewhere in search of any other people who may be passing by.

The man beneath you releases an airy chuckle, “Oh, that’s what you’re worried about? Now?” Gojo teases. He can’t help but find it funny how you worry about the possible chance of getting caught while he’s damn near balls deep inside you.

“Yes, ‘now’, I think I just saw someone walk by,” You tell him.

It’s silly that you’re concerning yourself with this even though no one should be able to tell who’s doing what in his car from the outside. Gojo shakes his head softly, trying not to completely dismiss your concern as his hands slide down to the underside of your thighs. His thumbs caress your skin and he leans up a bit just to angle his head into the crook of your neck.

“So? I doubt they know or care what we’re up to in here,” He assures you, “But, hey,” Gojo leans his head over so that you can look at him again and when you do, he flashes you a small comforting smile, “Would it really be so bad if someone did see us?”

You let off a huff, “Yes!”

He laughs, “Why?”

“Because…” Okay, truth be told, you could care less if someone saw the two of you. If you were truly worried, you would’ve never gotten yourself into this position (literally) in the first place. So, when he asks you why, you’re not really sure of what to say. “I just–”

“Are you worried about someone seeing you? Is that it?” Gojo asks. As those words leave him, you feel his hands grip onto your thighs a bit tighter. “‘Cause that’s an easy fix, sweets.”

You hadn’t realized how spacious Gojo’s car was until he was flipping you over and having you lay back against the seats of the vehicle. For a small moment, his cock slips out of you while the two of you get repositioned and before you have much time to register everything, he’s on top of you and folding your legs up against your chest.

Grinning down at you now, Gojo tips his head to the side, “Is this better for you? Now if someone looks and sees anything, all they’ll see is me.”

You bat your damp lashes up at him for a moment before nodding. “Y-Yeah, this is fine…”

“Unless you wanted to stop completely?” He goes on to suggest, searching the look in your eyes carefully for a second only to watch the way you quickly shake your head.

Moving to grab a light hold onto his arm, you sigh, “Nono, this is fine. We can uhm… We can keep going.”

Gojo lets out a relieved sigh and then looks down, angling his hips and parting your legs further just so he can nudge his cock back inside you. With the first careful thrust, you’re moaning and he’s groaning already as if he wasn’t just inside you a few seconds ago.

Then he leans down to you and fuck if he wasn’t deep before then he damn sure is now with the way he presses his weight down against you and rolls his hips in.

You gasp sharply and let out a curse beneath your breath, the small sound enough to have Gojo falling right back into that addictive state of need. He drags his hips back tentatively before fucking himself into you at this perfect pace that has your mind forgetting all about the worry you’d harbored mere moments ago.

· ───────── · ꨄ · ───────── ·

Meanwhile, now back at your shared apartment was a rather… hopeless Choso Kamo.

He doesn’t think he’s ever left a party that fast before. Sure, the thing in the kitchen had been one thing but that? Oh, his poor heart just couldn’t take it. And neither could his cock, apparently.

Yeah, by the time he makes it home, he’s slamming doors and snatching his clothes off, irritated by the mere fact that he just had to be the one person to have spotted you and Gojo having sex. What makes it so humorous is that he’s also the only person who was able to tell that was you in that car with him, anyone else would’ve just minded their business or not have been able to tell it was you.

But, y’know, when you’ve been friends with someone for over eight years and have been through all kinds of shit with them, it’s only fair for you to be able to recognize them by their blurred back profile inside a car at wee hours into the night… right?

Fuck. All Choso wanted to do was go on a walk and now he’s back home, pissed off, and… stupidly erect.

It’s shameful the effect you have on him, truly. He shouldn’t even relieve himself of his arousal right now honestly. Choso doesn’t even know why he’s in this state. His mind is annoyed but his body is on some other type of vibe entirely. It only takes one or two replays of your body bouncing up and down in a way that’s far too familiar for the man to find his hand wrapped around his dick.

“Fuck,” Choso sighs tiredly. He couldn’t even make it to his room either, spread out right on the couch in the living room, tossing his head back, thinking about you all over again, and driving himself crazy.

It’s a brief and very lazy jerk-off sesh, one that has the poor guy feeling shameful the moment he cums at the thought of you giving him that usual glare of yours.

He’s screwed, and not in the way he’d prefer right now.

So fuckin’ screwed.

· ───────── · ꨄ · ───────── ·

In the midst of that, you’re busy on cloud nine as you’re getting fucked through your nth orgasm of the night. You didn’t know it was possible for you to be folded up and stuffed so dumb in such a short amount of time and yet there you were.

You’d lost count of how many times you’d cried out Gojo’s name tonight along with how many times you cum around his weighty cock. By this point, your legs were wrapped around his waist, arms around his neck, and he’s mid-orgasm—stuffing you overly full and causing his cum to spill out from your puffy overstimulated cunt.

Gojo’s right in your ear again, huffing and puffing while choking out your name and babbling something about how perfect you are. His dick is inside you twitching and throbbing so aggressively with each spurt of cum that leaves him.

This was probably his second or third time finishing inside you for the night. His car will definitely need a deep clean after this but he could care less about that right now.

“F-Fuck,” He whispers to you, his hands carrying this slight tremble as he holds onto you. “Shit, I think I lo–,” He chokes on his own words, struggling not to let his high cause him to say something insane. “I’m losin’ my mind.. Sorry, ignore me…” He ends up mumbling before hiding his face in your neck out of embarrassment.

You laugh, just barely, “S’okay…”

Aside from the heavy breathing and occasional shift of bodies, tranquility now settled into the car. For quite a while, Gojo just lays on top of you, listening to your rapid pulse calm down as the two of you take your time in catching your breaths.

Even when you both get your breathing in check, neither of you makes any attempts to move. The not-so-distant sound of the party still going on is oddly comforting paired with the warmth of Gojo’s weight on top of you. You end up running your hands through his hair soothingly and you’re sure the two of you would’ve fallen asleep just like this if not for the fact that you were laid up in the car together.

Eventually, Gojo’s the first to speak up. “This is nice y’know,” He whispers. His voice is so soft and yet hoarse at the same time. It makes your heart do that weird flipping thing again.

A scoff escapes your nose, “Yeah, we should do this more often…” You utter jokingly.

You then feel his smile quirk against your skin. “Do what? Ditch parties to fuck in my car?” He taunts breathily.

Rolling your eyes at him, this time not of pleasure, “Not exactly, no. I think I was talking about this—the cuddling…” You say to clarify as your fingers come to a halt between his hair.

“Ohhhh,” Gojo hums, lifting his head slightly, “Y-Yeah, of course, I knew that!” He laughs, slightly nervous. “But, yeah. We should do this more often. You smell good.”

“Do I?” You ask, lips twitching into a soft smile.

Gojo buried his head right back into the crook of your neck, inhaling dramatically before exhaling heavily. “Mhmmm,” He mumbles, nuzzling into your warmth. “And you’re sooo warm… everywhere.”

It’s then that you realize he’s yet to pull out of you, softened cock resting so snuggly inside the depths of your cunt, and the mess between the two of you yet to be cleaned. There was surely a ring of filth down in between your sandwiched bodies but aside from that, you were too content in the moment to bat a single eye at it.

Your hands drift down to Gojo’s neck, thumbs grazing his jawline and signaling him to lift. To which Gojo’s head raises on que and his eyes steadily flit to yours. You don’t even have to ask for what you want because Gojo’s sighing and gradually pushing his lips onto yours.

The connection is smooth like silk, almost as if Gojo’s lips rightfully belong against yours. They then part and it’s practically loving the way your tongues intertwine in a sweet symphony as a mutual hum leaves your throats. Lust is nearly forgotten for a moment and your heart is fluttering as he shifts against you—fingertips dancing up and down your body tenderly just as he pries away from your mouth to suckle your lower lip into his mouth.

His eyes crack open only to watch the way your lip falls back into place as he releases it, a sigh falling from him and landing right against your wettened skin.

Gojo’s pupils dilate for a moment and his breath hitches within his throat. He’s not sure what came over him but… “God, you’re so fuckin’ perfect.” He breathes out without a second thought.

Catching you entirely off guard, your face flushes at the sudden compliment. “Thank you,” You end up fumbling out delicately. Then your hands carry over to his face and your palms meet his cheeks, “So are you, ‘Toru.”

This is way too damn intimate for two people who have ‘no feelings’ for one another, isn’t it? Questions aside, you find your thumbs slipping against the skin below his eyes, and you grinning before you even realize it.

“Handsome too,” You utter, visibly catching him off guard.

Gojo’s lips part again and this time there’s this deep throb in his chest. His whole expression softens beyond belief and whatever confident facade he’d been putting on, cracks before your very eyes. “Oh,” He suspires in pure awe, “Warn me before you just…” His words trail and his face comes down a bit, forehead meeting yours at rest, “…Compliment me like that. But, thank you.”

The two of you shut your eyes for a while longer to let this moment truly sink in. It’s almost like you were high on something—everything felt… like bliss.

You weren’t complaining or anything but fuck this was weird. You didn’t feel this after you slept with Choso. Maybe your best friend had a point, maybe you do have deeper feelings for Gojo than you realized. And hey, you know you had a crush on the guy but damn, do all crushes feel like this??

If liking Gojo makes you feel like you’re high then you don’t think you ever wanna come down. And to top that off, you’re pretty sure he feels the same. Or, he’s feeling the same thing you are right now, anyway.

You’re too scared to ask that though, it’d probably ruin the moment entirely. Especially if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and this whole thing turns out to be some weird post-orgasm thing…

All that completely aside, you definitely want more. Unlike your time spent with Choso, you don’t regret or feel guilt at all right now. You’d repeat the day you’ve had over and over again if it meant Gojo would be in your arms like this by the end of it.

Your grin stretches into a smile and you unexpectedly chuckle at yourself, causing Gojo to open his eyes and look at you. “What?” He hushes out in a curious tone.

You shake your head, “Nothing, I just… It’s like you said, this is nice.”

He lets out this small grumble before moving to kiss your cheek. “I warned you I’m a clingy drunk…”

This time you giggle, “Oh please, you sobered up a while ago.”

You got him there… “Whatever, that’s still what brought us to this point,” He huffs off.

“It’s okay to admit you’re a clingy person in general.” As you say that, Gojo grimaces at the truth behind such a statement. He was hoping he’d go a little while longer without you realizing.

But, since you’ve caught him red-handed, he’s got no choice other than to shrug and accept defeat. “Fine, fine. I’m a bit of a clingy person. But… That doesn’t bother you, does it?” He asks with a faint tilt of his head.

Now you lean up and peck his lips, whispering a glacé, “Not at all.”

Again, this is really fuckin’ intimate for two people who have ‘no feelings’ for one another—this being a thought shared subconsciously between the both of you as he snickers and you smile.

Breaking all that sappy shit for a moment, you end up yawning almost obnoxiously. Which leads Gojo to a laugh. “You tired?” He asks.

“Clearly,” You reply in between another yawn.

“Want me to drop you off at your place or…” Hesitating, Gojo has to trail his gaze elsewhere to finish the rest of his statement. “Or uhm, do you wanna spend the night at my place?”

You’re taken by slight surprise by his sudden offer and although you’re fatigued, your eyes light up a little. “Your place sounds fun.”

“Yeah?” He beams, leaning up from you slowly.

The last thing he received from you was a sleepy nod of your head. After which, Gojo rushed around his car to get the two of you all cleaned up and somewhat decent. He’d tried to get you to put some of your clothes back on but you complained about it being too tight and ended up wearing nothing but the hoodie you’d worn earlier that day before you’d gone costume shopping.

After that, it didn’t take long for you to find yourself deep in your slumber while seated in the passenger seat & Gojo was quick to get everything else situated.

Just before he pulled off, he’d given your resting expression a long stare and his mouth moved to say something but even he was unsure of what. Once his senses returned to him, he redirected his focus onto getting the two of you to his home safely.

It’d be your first time spending the night there so he was admittedly a little nervous. But, what really struck his heart was how much you trusted him. He’d make note to value that from you, deeply.

That day was something to remember.

mlist | last chapter | next chapter |

Tags 1/2; @siriusblackswankourtzeyy @eternaltpaoe @moonsgravee @sooshisweet @looking4hina

@blognicole @designerpvssy @andyfasia @shytragedybluefox @papigotwap

@senseifupa @gojoslefttoenail @juliiizh @gojos-cumslutt @lovergirl65

@sydlunamoon-blog @gojstrulxvezx @gigiipeaches @kivrumi @urunclesbottomlip

@iseeyouuu @annieleonhardtsbitch @lwkykiyo @itsbellablue-blog @gorouenjoyer

@mua-for-now @bee3l0v3r @scarletteyuno @lilablogsblog @lolznoelle

@madaqueue @keriaonmarz @parakisssss @aniniyah @trx-xrt

@sxnkuna @chocolatecheer @unibrow-yzz @lovely-lady-tits @woofzz2

@pineapplepan7 @janrcrosssing @hauntedchoso @linksylove @lemonninq

@littlemug00 @namjoonie17717 @notjustagirlinthisworld @moonneversleeps @k4rma1sntd3ad

1K notes · View notes

itneverendshere · 5 months ago

Text

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - TWO

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of possible pregnancy, of abortion, of pregnancy risks & death. self-loathing. chapter one ┆ chapter three ┆ chapter four

You lied.

You didn’t take the tests the next day.

Or the next. You couldn’t. Every time you picked up one of the stupid boxes, your heart would drop to the pits of hell and your hands would start sweating. You’d shove it back in the drawer like it could disappear if you just ignored it hard enough.

Once you knew, you knew.

There was no more pretending as if nothing happened.

No more pretending like you didn't care that Rafe moved on like he didn’t just dump you, with no real closure and ran to the next girl he found.

Fuck, why did he have to look so happy that night? He got to be carefree, living his perfect little life with her, and you were there, sitting on the bathroom floor, too scared to even pee on a stick.

What if it was positive? Then what? The thought of seeing his name pop up on your phone after you blocked him, or worse, hearing her voice if she picked up...you’d rather die. He didn't deserve to know.

He didn't deserve anything from you anymore.

You started googling abortion clinics before you even touched the tests. You could afford it. That wasn’t even the issue.

You had more money than you knew what to do with. Your inheritance was just sitting there. You could book a flight tomorrow, pay for whatever procedure, whatever it took—fly out of state, out of the country, if you had to.

But that wasn’t the point. It has never been about the money. It was the overwhelming shame. The fear. The realization that Rafe might have left you, but he was still there, stuck in your head, in your body, in your fucking life. Even when he wasn’t.

He didn’t have to worry about any of this. He was most likely out on the boat, not even thinking about you. Not thinking about what he did to you.

And you— you were left with this. Sitting on a bathroom floor for hours a day, trying to figure out how you were supposed to make a decision that changed everything.

You started looking up clinics again, scrolling through the options, but your mind was barely even there. It was legal in North Carolina for now, but you read something about the 12-week ban they passed in June, and suddenly you were spiraling one more time, wondering how much time you even had.

Could you wait? Could you put it off like you’d been putting off the tests, like if you waited long enough, maybe the problem would just... disappear? Shit, wouldn’t that be easier?

You heard that voice in your head, the one that sounded like your mom, at least what you remembered from watching old videos.

It was depressing how life didn’t let you hold tightly to your memories sometimes. She always reminded you of the kind of person you were supposed to be. The type of girl who had her shit together. The type of girl who didn’t get herself into situations like this, in the first place.

But instead, you were the girl who lost everything—the life you were supposed to have—and somehow, you’d still found a way to screw up what was left.

You kept scrolling like you couldn’t stop.

One page led to another, and soon you weren’t just looking up clinics—you were looking up everything.

What happened during the procedure, how long it took, the side effects, the complications. You read horror stories about infections, about women who thought it was over and then bled for weeks, about people who changed their minds too late.

You even looked up what could happen if you didn’t get an abortion—what pregnancy could do to your body. And that was a whole other rabbit hole you didn’t need to go down. Your body changing, your hormones going insane. You thought about your boobs getting sore, your stomach stretching, the possibility of throwing up every morning, and it felt like your body was already betraying you. And then you read the serious stuff—gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, all these words you didn’t even know existed before that night. There was a minefield of things that could go wrong, things that would go wrong.

Complications. Risks. Dangers.

You read about women who almost died in labor. About miscarriages and stillbirths and the trauma of carrying a baby for months, only to lose it. You never even thought about that, how pregnancy wasn’t just this smooth, magical process people make it out to be. It was brutal. But you’d been the little sister, you never saw your mother go through it, or anyone for that matter.

Your younger cousin, Topper the bitching backstabber, had been born and raised in Los Angeles before he moved to Figure 8 when he was five.

You were terrified—not just of being pregnant, but of what it meant to stay pregnant. Would your body even handle it? You’d always lived off coffee and takeout half the time. An unreasonable amount of parties. Too many drinks some nights.

You weren’t exactly the picture of health. What if you weren’t strong enough? What if something went wrong, and you ended up in a hospital bed, alone, because Rafe sure as fuck wouldn’t be there. It was just you.

For a second there, you thought you might pass out.

You’d thrown your phone across the room, it hit the wall with a thud, but it didn’t help. The anxiety was still there, vibrating under your skin, making you want to scream. You glanced at the bathroom drawer again, where the pregnancy tests were hidden like some cursed thing.

Maybe you should’ve just taken one.

Rip off the bandaid.

The stupid phone rang, like was having fun pissing you off, vibrating on the floor where you’d thrown it. You stared at it for a second, debating if you should even pick it up. You didn’t feel like dealing with anyone, especially not whoever was about to ask something from you.

But it kept ringing, and of course, it was a number you recognized—Lily, one of the coordinators from your dad’s foundation. Shit. You forgot about the gala. Again. The one that was happening in two freaking days, the one you haven’t even thought about preparing for.

You swiped to answer, “Yeah?”

“Hey, I didn’t want to bother you, but we need to go over the final details for the gala,” She greeted you, sounding way too perky for how you were feeling. “I really need your input on the seating arrangements, and the auction items, and—”

It hit you just how ironic this was. You were sitting here, freaking out about being possibly pregnant, scrolling through nightmare stories about abortion and pregnancy complications, while Lily was talking about a fundraiser for children’s health. Kids. It felt like some twisted repulsive joke the universe was playing on you.

You blinked back into the conversation, realizing she still talking, and you hadn’t said a word. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I’ve been busy. Can you just handle it?” you muttered, feeling guilty but not enough to actually deal with any of it.

“I’ve already taken care of most things,” she said carefully, “but we really need your approval on the final guest list and the speech. You’re the face of the foundation, after all.”

The face of the foundation. The legacy your dad left you. It was supposed to be this huge responsibility. And it was. You’d always taken it seriously. The one thing in your life you never ruined. But this year, you hadn’t written the speech yet. Jesus, you forgot it was even happening. And the guest list? No clue.

You rubbed your forehead, “I’ll look at it later. Just send it over.”

Lily hesitated again, probably sensing that something was off, you'd always been a control freak. “Okay, I’ll email it to you. Just let me know by tomorrow, alright?”

“Yeah, sure.”

You hung up before she could add anything else, staring at the ceiling. One more thing. One more responsibility piled on top of everything else. You were drowning in all these expectations—being the good daughter to dead parents, the responsible one, the perfect kook girl who was supposed to have everything. You were supposed to be the girl who had the trust fund, the perfect life, the foundation that helped kids in need.

You earned to be her.

Your phone buzzed again, this time with an email notification. You rolled your eyes, already knowing it was from Lily. She’d sent over the guest list, and you groaned, thinking you’d skim it, give it a half-assed glance, and send it back. But as you scrolled down the names, you stopped.

Rafe Cameron.

Of course, he was going to be there. Why wouldn’t he? His family had been involved in your dad’s foundation for years. It was like you couldn’t escape him.

The fucking nerve. To your gala. Your blood boiled instantly, your fingers gripping the phone so tight you almost cracked the screen.

Fuck him.

If he thought he could just show up and rub his new life in your face, he had another thing coming. Without thinking twice, you deleted his name, erasing him like he didn’t even exist. And then, without checking another name, you sent the list back to Lily.

You didn’t give a shit if it was petty. You didn’t care if it wasn’t professional.

If Rafe wanted to play games, you’d ruin his life if you had to. He thought he could fuck you over, leave you with all this—leave you with nothing? No. You weren’t going to let him have that power.

Not over this. Not over you.

You were shaking now, but it almost felt good. Even if it was just a stupid guest list. Let him find out when he got there and there was no table for him. No seat. No fucking room.

You still sat there staring at the screen with that stupid blinking cursor. The email from Lily sat open in front of you, and somewhere buried in the list of attachments was the speech. Blank.

Your speech—the one you were supposed to read at the gala in two days. The one you hadn’t even started writing.

This was always the hardest part. Writing it. Saying it. You used to cry every time. Standing in front of all those people, talking about your dad, your family, how the foundation was this beautiful way of keeping their memory alive. It was never just a speech—it was like ripping your heart out of your chest and letting everyone see it, year after year. It never got easier.

But Rafe, used to be there with you.

Every year. He’d sit with you while you struggled through every word, telling you it was okay to take your time, reminding you that you didn’t have to do it if you didn’t want to. And when the gala came, he was always by your side, standing just off stage, waiting for you after the speech was done. You’d run into his arms, and he’d whisper that you 'did great baby', holding you until the room stopped spinning so much.

You could still hear his voice in your head sometimes, 'you’re stronger than you think'.

That’s what he always said, even when you didn’t believe it. He’d hold you, kiss your forehead, and make you feel like it was true, like you really could get through it. He was always so sure of you. But this year? He wasn’t going to be there. He’d stop believing the lies he fed you. You were angry. You were seething. You were utterly alone.

You’d been avoiding this moment—writing.

This time around, it wasn’t just about the speech. It was about the fact that when you walked out of that stage, you wouldn’t have him waiting for you.

You’d step down into nothingness, with no one to catch you.

Your fingers hovered over the screen, but they wouldn’t move. What were you even supposed to say this year? How were you supposed to stand up in front of all those people and talk about love and family and legacy when yours was shattered?

You hated looking at yourself in the mirror, feeling like you’d lost every single piece of who you used to be.

Fuck the speech. Fuck the gala. Fuck Rafe Cameron and his stupid lies, his stupid smile, his stupid promises that he never kept.

If he thought you were weak, if he thought he could break you, if he thought you were the same girl who used to cling to him like he was the only thing keeping you together—he was wrong.

You were going to do this without him.

You were going to stand up there and give that speech, no matter how much it hurt. And if it killed you, so be it. You’d still do it.

Because unlike him, you didn’t just walk away from the things that mattered. Even if it tore you apart. Even if it was killing you to keep pretending like you were fine. You weren’t fine. But you’d fake it. You’d fake it until the whole world believed it.

You’d barely hit send on the email when your phone rang again, and this time it wasn’t Lily.

It was Topper. You hadn’t talked to him since that night—the night. The party where you’d found out, where you’d seen Rafe and Sofia together for the first time. Where you realized that everyone knew.

How he’d called Rafe over, like you needed him to fix it, like he was still yours to rely on.

“What?”

“Hey…” Topper’s voice was cautious, “I, uh, I wanted to call and apologize for the other night.”

You snorted, leaning your head back against the wall. “Yeah? For what part? For calling Rafe like his little bitch or for getting in front of my car when I was trying to leave?”

“I didn’t mean to fuck things up. I was just trying to stop you from doing something stupid.”

“Like what?” you snapped. “Leaving the party? Getting out of there before I had to watch him with her for one more second? Yeah, Top, real dumb of me.”

“You almost ran me over,” Topper shot back, his voice rising just a little, like he was offended you hadn’t mentioned that part. “Kinda felt like maybe you weren’t thinking straight.”

“You jumped in front of the car you fucking idiot. What the hell did you expect me to do? Slam on the brakes and listen to whatever bullshit you and Rafe had to say? Because trust me, ’m all out of patience for either of you.”

There was a sigh on the other end, the sound of him trying to not to lose his patentience, like he was the one in the right here. Typical Topper. Always wanting to smooth things over, play peacemaker between you and Rafe, like this was just another fight you’d get over.

He never really got it.

“Look,” Your cousin started, calmer this time, “I didn’t mean to call him. I just thought—”

“You always think calling him will fix things,” you cut in, “Like he’s the answer to every problem I have. He’s not. Not anymore.”

“I get that,” He added quickly, like he was afraid you’d hang up. “But I didn’t know what else to do! You were upset, and I thought maybe—”

“Maybe what? That he could swoop in and save the day?” You let out a bitter laugh. “He’s not your golden boy, Top. He doesn’t fix anything. He ruins things.”

Topper went quiet for a second, probably trying to figure out how to respond without setting you off on an angry rant again. “I get it,” he said finally, “You’re pissed at him. You have every right to be. But I didn’t call him to hurt you, okay? I was worried about you.”

You hated how genuine he sounded, hated that he meant well. He was a nuisance half of the time, sure, but he wasn’t malicious. He never was. He just had terrible judgment.

“Next time, don’t,” you muttered, rubbing a hand over your face. “I don’t need you playing little brother and calling him when things go wrong."

“I wasn’t trying to clean anything up,” Topper explained, a little defensive now. “I just didn’t want you driving like that. You were upset.”

You rolled your eyes. “Upset doesn’t mean I need you or Rafe deciding what’s best for me. I’m not a kid.”

“You’re not,” he agreed, “But you weren’t exactly in a great headspace, so yeah, I stopped you. I wasn’t gonna let you leave like that and end up in a ditch somewhere.”

It hurt like a bitch, because deep down, you knew Topper had a point.

You were having a meltdown, and he’d stepped in, like he always did when you went off the rails. That was the problem with him—he cared, even when you didn’t want him to. He was family, the only family you had left, and he was too loyal for his own good.

“You could’ve told me,” you confessed what had been upsetting you, your voice losing some of its initial attitude. “About them. Instead of letting me walk into that party blind.”

Topper sighed again, “I should’ve,” he admitted. “I didn’t want you to find out like that. But it wasn’t my place to say anything. And I didn’t want to make things worse.”

Your hand instinctively moved to cup your stomach. You didn’t even realize you were doing it at first, but the second your fingers touched your shirt, the earlier panic welled up inside you again. If he only knew how bad things were. How bad they could get. You yanked your hand away like you’d been burned, heart hammering against your ribs most painfully. There was no way you could even begin to explain what was going on inside your head—or your body.

Not to Topper. Not to anyone. If he knew, he’d freak and you didn’t need that right now.

You clenched your jaw, pushing yourself to focus on the conversation, on Topper still yammering on about apologies and guilt You shook your head, a bitter smile tugging at your lips.

“Are you even listening?”

“Unfortunately,” You sounded apathetic even to yourself, fingers tapping against the phone, agitated. “Look, Top, I don’t have time for this right now. I’m busy.”

He sighed. “I know you’re pissed, okay? I get it. But the gala’s in, like, two days. You... you still going, right?”

“Of course I’m going,” you scowled, barely able to hide the bitterness in your voice. “I have to. It’s not like I can just dip out and pretend it’s not happening.”

Unlike some people, you thought, but you bit your tongue.

“Good, because I’ll be there too. And I—”

“Oh, joy,” you interrupted, “Another chance for you to babysit me and make sure I don’t make a scene? Can’t wait.”

“Jesus, I’m just trying to help!” Topper groaned. “I didn’t want to make things worse the other night. I—”

“Yeah. Whatever, I’ll see you at the gala.”

You hung up. You didn’t have the patience to deal with him right now.

The day of the gala came faster than you thought it would.

It was like you blinked, and suddenly, you were standing in the middle of the venue, walking through final checks with Lily, nodding along as she rattled off details you barely absorbed.

The room was all glitz and glamour, with chandeliers dripping from the ceiling, and everything draped in the foundation’s signature gold and white.

Crisp tablecloths. Flowers in perfect, elegant arrangements. Waiters in black-tie uniforms were circulating, making sure everything looked flawless. Flawless.

That word made you want to gag.

You moved through the space like a ghost, smiling at the right moments, giving half-hearted approvals when needed. You didn’t care. People were running around, asking for your opinion on this or that. You’d stayed at the venue longer than planned, making sure everything was in order, but your mind was stuck in that floating-place. You wanted to burn the whole thing down, if you were being honest.

You should’ve called your doctor. Days ago. Hell, maybe weeks ago.

Making smart choices wasn’t your thing lately, was it?

When you finally slipped into the room where they’d set up your glam team, you just wanted to sleep. The room itself was a suite off to the side of the venue, a private space meant to make you feel like royalty.

A massive mirror ran across one wall, surrounded by soft, glowing lights. A table was set up with everything—hair tools, makeup brushes, palettes, serums. Bottles of champagne sat chilled in the corner, the condensation dripping down the glass, untouched. It was the kind of place you were supposed to feel special in.

Normally you did. But this year you were numb.

The stylist worked quietly on your hair, soft curls falling into place as she tugged and pinned each section with meticulous care. The makeup artist was dabbing foundation onto your skin, blending and contouring until you didn’t even recognize yourself in the mirror. The dress hung behind you, a shimmering white gown, custom-designed by Versace for the occasion.

You looked like you were stepping into one of those perfect, glamorous lives. But on the inside, you felt like you were going to lose it at any second. You nodded along, giving tight-lipped smiles when they complimented you, and then they finally left.

The room was dead silent now, just you and your reflection. You stood in front of the mirror, staring at yourself, the perfect curls, the glowy skin, the gown waiting behind you. It all felt wrong. It felt fake. You didn’t bear a resemblance to yourself.

You looked like the version of you that the world expected—the untouchable girl. A doll.

Your rifled through your bag for your phone, but instead, your fingers brushed something else. Cold, hard.

You hadn’t even realized it was in there.

One of the pregnancy tests. You must’ve thrown it in without thinking earlier that morning when you were rushing out the door. You hadn’t even noticed it until now.

What the fuck were you doing?

You had a gala to host in less than an hour. People were going to be looking at you, waiting for you to give the speech, expecting you to hold everything together like always. And there you were, standing in a private dressing room, about to do something so monumentally stupid. Maybe it was the pressure of tonight, or maybe it was the anger you’d been shoving down for weeks, but suddenly, you didn’t care.

You were going to do it.

Without even thinking, you stormed into the bathroom. You were so fucking tired of avoiding this. Tired of pretending like everything was fine, like you were fine.

What the hell was fine about any of this? You tore open the box, hands trembling as you pulled out the test. The room was so quiet, you could hear every little sound—your breath still uneven, the rustle of your dress against the tiles, the click of the test cap as you flicked it off.

You sat down, staring at the stick in your hand. This was insane. You were insane. Who the fuck took a pregnancy test ten minutes before they’re supposed to host a charity gala?

You couldn’t get a proper breath out as you waited, heart pounding so hard it felt like it might rip your chest open. You leaned against the sink, gripping the edge. Your stomach churned, the nausea rising again, and you had to close your eyes to stop the floor from spinning.

What if it was positive? What if it wasn’t?

You stared at the test, willing the result to appear, but it didn’t. Not yet. The little window stayed blank, as if taunting you, making you feel like you were losing your mind. You knew you had to wait longer. You weren’t stupid. You’d read those instructions a million times by now, but you hated waiting.

Hated not knowing.

You couldn’t take your eyes off the stupid little piece of plastic. Just one line or two. That was all it came down to. One fucking line or two, and your entire life would either fall apart or what? Be fine?

You glanced at the mirror, catching another glimpse of yourself, and it almost startled you—your eyes were wild. Desperate. They were the eyes of someone who was just about ready to do anything to get this over with.

You tried to picture telling him again, but the idea alone made you sick. You thought of Sofia, of her perfect smile next to his, and bile rose in your throat. Your hands never stopped shaking. You wanted to run. You wanted to throw that thing in the garbage can and never stare at it again.

Your thoughts spun in circles, going nowhere, just making everything worse. The clock on your phone ticked louder and louder, and you knew—somewhere out there, everyone was getting ready. Guests were arriving. The gala would start soon, and they’d all be waiting for you. Watching you. Expecting you to be the poised, perfect version of yourself you’d spent your whole life pretending to be.

And you were in here, trying not to lose your fucking mind.

You peeked back at it. Still nothing.

No line. No answer.

It felt like you were suspended in time. You closed your eyes, gripping the sink harder, praying for it to end—something to happen, anything.

Then finally, you felt it in your chest—a heavy, sinking feeling, like the moment before a fall.

You opened your eyes.

There it was.

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige @rafebb @rafesbbyy @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron @serrendiipty @sunny1616

@yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog @psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

3K notes · View notes