#lou is fine
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Precipitous.
It's a fitting word. It's the cliffs at Black Beach, California where the rocks drop twenty jagged feet into clear blue water. It's her bare wet feet and the balance and the moment she looked over the edge. It's the breath she took before jumping, stretching out all her limbs like a starfish, and dropping. Freefall. Unstoppable.
It's labor.
This isn't written about in advice columns, or played out on screen. Labor doesn't announce itself at the doorstep. The back pain she's struggled with all this last trimester hides a multitude of symptoms; is the symptom. And her water doesn't break right away, her contractions don't build slowly. There are no Braxton Hicks. She's three weeks early, she's alone when it starts, and, as her father would say:
"Give it what you got."
She's out by the old chapel Cage rebuilt taking pictures when it happens. When the back pain she's been rubbing at with increasing annoyance twists suddenly inward and something unspools inside of her and -
Oh!
Oh, fuck!
It's a contraction. It's pain squeezing her tighter and tighter until the camera drops from her hands. And when it loosens, when she can breath again, she thinks: that's fine. Just one. One strong contraction. Nothing to -
And then the second piggybacks the first.
Reception is a little spotty this far off the road. There's a voice in her head that sounds like her father, like her older brothers, like a drop of reason in a bucket of insanity. Not advised. But then, she didn't think she'd go early. When in all her life has she ever even been punctual? It's one day late on car insurance with an apology and a promise. It's two hours late to a party with a smile and a story.
But then, this isn't her entrance.
Panic makes a nest in her chest for a moment, scratches at her heart. She rests back against the bark of a willow tree and lets it play out. There's no use fighting it. The baby's awake, kicking at a rib urgently when a third contraction ripples through her. "Yeah, yeah," she tells them, breathless. She sweeps a hand from breastbone to hip. "I'm afraid too."
Of what's happening, yes. Of motherhood, surely. But of all the rest too. Age and boredom and bills and vulnerability. It's the pulse under her skin that she's been ignoring. The old unspoken fear, rare as it could be, that what happened to her mother could happen to her.
But honestly, fuck that.
She pushes herself from the tree and walks best as she can down the beaten path toward her car. She's left her backpack, her water bottle, and her camera behind clutching only at the phone in her hand and waiting for those signal bars. It's a journey made in broken acts. Halted by the contractions that take hold and squeeze. And damn if those classes don't mean shit. She can breathe. She does breathe. But none of that helps when she's being funneled downward. So she curses. Lot's of fucks and shits and then some more inventive things that would make her grams blush. She kicks at a fallen log, half bent over when one particularly strong one takes her under, and that helps too.
She thinks of birth playlists and the classical music some women luxuriate in - she thinks of epidurals and the sweetness of a warm bath right now. She thinks for one horrible moment that she's not going to make it out of the woods. She trips, cuts her knee open on the bits and brambles of the forest floor, and screams. Frustrated. Primal. Her throat aching from it. If there are hikers up this early, before the forecast showers they'd hear her. But there's no answer except the birds - scared mute for a moment - and then swooping back in to fill the silence. There's no choice though. She pulls herself up and keeps walking.
The hike out to the chapel took thirty minutes, the return trip takes just over an hour. She's coming out to the gravel parking lot when those bars flicker back and she could cry with relief. She's in no state to drive so she dials 911 as she drops onto a large rock near her car. The operator is a sweet, older woman that stays on the line with her for the twenty minutes it takes to get an ambulance out there.
"You got a name, Lucie?" she asks, talking her through a contraction.
"Several." She bites out. "Thinking I got to-" she grunts and the woman waits it out with her, "-see them you know? Got to see if they look like a Piper or a Ziggy."
"It's a good day this one. Great birthday."
"Yeah?"
"National Chocolate and Peanut Butter Day."
It makes her laugh, makes her unclench her fist just a touch. "You look that up?"
"I did. You want to know who they'll be sharing it with?" She does and the woman says "Woody Harrelson."
"Sweet."
"And Kathryn Hahn."
Lou huffs, tips her head back into the sun. "Legend."
The baby twists, moving fast beneath her hand. She almost can read their agitation. Wishes she could tell them it's going to be alright but her water breaks before the ambulance arrives and she starts to hyperventilate.
"It's okay Lucie. They'll be there any minute. Can you hear the sirens?" She does. "Your going to be just fine, mama."
Things move fast after that. She's loaded into the back of the ambulance and strapped to monitoring equipment. She watches the squiggles of her baby's heartbeat to distract from the pain, from the contractions that start piling up one on top of the other. This was supposed to be a long process. Hours upon hours, those were the words. But it's not. She asks is something is wrong, her voice thin with worry. Someone holds her hand. Someone else asks if they should call her partner. She laughs, tells them no, then thinks of her siblings. She pulls up the group chat and shakily types out two words.
Hospital. Now.
It's not eloquent. It's not joking. And she's speeding down the country road she learned to drive on when the urge to push hits. She thinks she should have called Ari. She thinks he should be here. She doesn't want to be alone for this. But then, she isn't really. She hasn't been alone for near on nine months.
In the end, none of her siblings will make it there on time. In the end, she doesn't even make it there on time.
Her son is born pink, angry, and loud two minutes before arriving at the hospital.
#para#ft. babynewman#tw: birth#tw: precipitous labor#tw: panic attack#tw: death mention#those are a lot of scary tags#but it's okay#lou is fine#baby is fine#just trust me you'll be fine;#birth tw#panic attack tw#death mention tw#labor tw
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Cass... Cass, I don't know why no one asked this, but does this bozo have a colored ref? Or at least what color his hairs are right now? I'm like a blind man randomly tapping on every mine, please ;~;
Ohā¦.right haha
I donāt have the exact ref for him but itās like this
#dark hair#kinda like Lou Jitsu#but with a little bit of brown?#Idk just black also works just fine haha
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š
#wlw#my art#chris & lou#butch/femme#oh these are old but it used to get flagged on here I hope it'll be fine now?
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#lou ferrigno jr#alright fine if my gif wont upload then ill just do pictures#his wink is deadly#911 abc
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Buck and Tommy shouldāve kissed in front of you know who. It would have been the most delicious āfuck youā in tv history
#a person can dreamā¦sighs#bucktommy#911 on abc#spoilers#Evan Buckley#tommy kinard#this captain making my blood pressure high#and this is saying much for me bc I hate pda irl but tv is fine šš¤·š½āāļø#Oliver stark#lou ferrigno jr
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baby went blonde.
#heās chatting her ear off about something car related#boy we dgaf drop them drawls ā¼ļø#Louās so damn fine like I couldnāt focus while doing this render lmaoooo#every time I set the camera on him I just kept being like damn#donāt tell my man#thereās like 3 little spoilers in this lol#render#my characters#Lykaia#ts4 render#queue#*Lou Carranza
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anyone: [rolls their sleeves up]
me and my poisoned brain: whoa.....just like gideon nav ;-;
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Just thought about sharing this frame right here
Do with it what you will
#the split second before the lips touch are always my favorite part to analyze like a psycho#sorry about the motion blur#this was a bitch to screenshot but I had to#for science#also can you tell that I really like Tommy and buck together and want them to be endgame?#Iāll hide the next bit in the tags cause some shippers are scary:#I donāt really want buddie to happen#im not against it but there is something about eddies actor#that makes me feel like heās one of those bros is fine with gay people but not near him#and this is purely my own impression#I donāt think he said or done anything to give that impression#you know how there are certain actors who simply refuse to kiss men because of fragile masculinity#because Iām straight bro#anyway#Back to Tommy and buck#I really like them together and they better have at least one kiss as intense as buck had with other partners in the past#not just a peck like last week to get diversity points#ya know#shmexy kisses#lety rambles#tuck#bucktommy#evan buckley#tommy kinard#911#911 abc#oliver stark#lou ferrigno jr
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Might be late for this one but Lou liked the Angela birthday post ššš
HELLO. HE COMMENTED TOO.
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Tbh Iām not REALLY believing those interviews 100% bc the writers dont seem to know where bucktommyās storyline is going. Like???? From Louās interview he talks about it like āI hope Iām free if they call me backā. This is just so confusing lol WTF
i never really put much stock in what they say in interviews, but this is all just.... fucking wild. like i could deal with a breakup arc if it was gonna be resolved next ep. if this was an arc we knew would be followed up on i'd have faith in them getting back together. the actors not KNOWING if or when lou might be back on the show??? that doesn't make any fucking sense and it means the writers haven't thought out this shit at all??
anyway i hope they're lying for drama in the interviews and to make it a big shock when tommy's helicopter crashes and buck rescues him and they have a big true love kiss but like, my ability to believe in that has been completely shaken by those interviews i'm ngl
#if lou was confirmed in the next ep or the one after that i'd be fine. this just feels like a MESS#wtf are they smoking??? after last ep heart eyes eulogy and josh's speech this ep???#they set up all this ultimate romance and then just decided oh breakup and MAYBE we'll call lou again someday????#god let the interviews be lying lmao this is the last shit i need#bucktommy#911 spoilers#asks.txt
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flirting with my boytoy on magma(drawing ingo and emmet) and I wanted to see how far i could draw Ingo's synga suit from memory. boytoy started shouting at me when I got stuff wrong(/silly)
the ingo in question btw. (if you're curious I originally put his stripes and lantern on the wrong side and fucked up his shoes)
#lou is an artist#anyways. who even care.#hi submas nation. I'm scared. a trembling deer. I simply know nothing about pokemon but the allure of the muppet men is irresistible.#submas#subway boss ingo#subway master ingo#whatever. those tags are fine. hope you don't mind me putting bullshit in the tags instead of actual art(aka doodles I color)#I will be making more. this is a threat. my ipad was at 1% this morning so I'm waiting for it to charge. then none of you are safe.#more bs coming soon#anyways. who even care. whatever.
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i just need one (1) teeny tiny confirmation that lou/tommy will be in s8 and i'll be fine til september or whenever it airs
#just give me some scraps some crumbs#tommy kinard#lou ferrigno jr#911 abc#i wont be /fine/ but thatll tide me over#.ramblings#june
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Iām so normal about all of this I swear
#itās okay Iām fine this is great Iām not losing my mind#I need them back from war NOW#911 on abc#911 abc#tommy kinard#lou ferrigno jr#oliver stark#evan buckley#bucktommy#911#tevan#kinkley
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when i tell y'all i had a VISCERAL reaction to seeing this in my email
literal āØpanickāØ for a few seconds until i remembered it was emma @louisferrignojr and not, in fact, the actor man finally calling me out via tumblr post
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whatever. both lou and tommy belong to me now, you canāt hurt them anymore timothy
#dani.txt#IM SO ANGRY#itās fine#Iāll continue supporting lou#and Iāll write happy endings for tommy#bucktommy#tommy kinard#911#lou ferrigno jr
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Too much discourse about whether the turtleneck man was flirting, not enough about why Dan needed new professional photos taken
#dnp#lou is loud#phan#dan and phil#he said it's bc all his generic professional photos are really old but idk#he said to Google Dan Howell and look at the images and I did#some are old or quirky but some seemed fine to me? idk I'm not an entertainment industry person#so I'm not fully convinced that it was a generic photo shoot and even if it was: idk why now? I'm a phannie I'm always suspicious
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