#lot to me since i'm still recovering technically

[leonmorinpriest]

As someone who's suffered from depression for more than a decade and is finally feeling somewhat normal, I can definitely say medication took a huge part in my recovery. Not to say it's for everyone but for ME it worked. However, it also came with therapy that helped.

Obviously thinking positively, working out, etc. the cliche things I've heard from people has never helped me. And this is probably another cliche thing but it genuinely does make all the difference to reframe thoughts in a more advantage lenient way.

I remember i'd use to look at some situations and their negatives at first but then I just kept trying to see the bright side. I added this onto also realizing how sick I was of feeling so negative with everything and thinking about all the time I wasted.

The point of this post isn't to preach some "solution". Depression is really all consuming and it's not easy to dig yourself out of it ..it took me about 10+ years to actually be like "wow I feel like a regular human being" but I guess what I mean to say is trying to find the tiniest things that make you happy can really be a lot more impactful..

[erraticroses]

...........

[lylahammar]

People always talk about how Laios is a character who gives fat vibes even if he isn't technically fat in canon which is very true, and I have some thoughts on that!! (this will be a long post lol sorry)

There's a lot of material in the dunmeshi extras that show how fatness factors into dungeon exploration, which shows that only the most skilled adventurers are able to keep weight on while in the dungeon (thank you to @savaralyn2 for the translations! links to the individual posts these panels come from are added on the pics):

So we know, at the very least, that most of the characters are kept thinner than they would be naturally through the strain of death/revivification in the main dungeon. We also see that Laios has some fat on him, which through the text means that he's skilled enough to at least keep some of his weight (which makes sense, he doesn't die very often in canon).

(to be clear this ^ doesn't constitute as "fat," he is built as fuck here he just has some fat on his body which shows his prowess as a fighter in this universe) HOWEVER my personal little pet theory/headcanon is that Laios actually has a difficult relationship with food! I know that doesn't make much sense at first since he's shown to eat a lot in canon, but hear me out. In pre-canon, before he reunited with Falin, he's shown to be extremely gaunt:

But after partnering up with Falin, he gains weight and looks much more healthy very quickly. Part of this is definitely because of his unstable living situation/mental illness, but he and Falin still live in very poor conditions after this and he still manages to gain weight/get healthier, so I believe it's mainly due to her making sure he eats enough. We also know that Laios is. most certainly autistic. Nobody argue with me on that it's like pretty much widely accepted as canon for a lot of reasons lmao. So my theory is that he's actually food sensitive. He's shown to not really care about food that isn't monster-related. Even when he eats regular food, he's usually imagining it being a monster instead.

He has never eaten squid before, which is totally normal, but could also support my theory in a way :P it being a monster still can't save it from the autistic sensory bad experience in this case, though.

So I think that his adventurous eating during the course of the story isn't because he's actually an adventurous eater normally, it's purely because of his special interest (monsters, duh). During his journey to recover Falin, he's able to build up a healthier relationship with food through Senshi's guidance and the involvement of his special interest.

By the end of the story, after he's retired from dungeon exploration and living in comfort/safety, and with his newly healthy diet, he's finally able to gain a lot more weight. Imo, his is a story of someone who's naturally meant to be fat, but is only able to reach that point when in a stable and healthy environment.

(for the record I know he's not that fat in this post canon comic, but this is only a year and a bit after the end of the story so there's still time lol)

alright I'm goin back to drawing now just had to infodump for a minute ✌️ keep it sleazy

[everythingne]

marketing ploy - ln4 ch7

Lando recovers. McLaren and Red Bull own up. Olivia and Lando decide the future, and give Oscar a heart attack while doing so. We get our happy ending.

piastri!oc x lando norris, bestfriends brother/fake dating

warnings/notes: hospital visits, mentioned injuries, loopiness from medication, pregnancy/sex jokes, media being bitches, lando going 'guys i gotta keep her' and doing the absolute MOST lmao, this is also TECHNICALLY the last chapter but im gonna write more for olivia and lando most def (also olivia will feature as oscars sister in other fics bc i love her)

prev |

-

I haven't run in years.

I can feel the burn of the air in my lungs as I force them open, adrenaline making every rib shake as I suck in a breath and force it back out. My shoes slam into the floor of the paddocks, sending jolts up my legs as I whisk my bag over my shoulder and 'just go' as Christian had said. My mind is swimming with a thousand thoughts. What if he was seriously injured? He was able to walk, but he collapsed, was it his legs? Or his ribs? What if it's his back? Or his arms? How long will he be out? Is this a whole-season issue or just a few weeks?

Fuck, I cannot be thinking about this right now.

I sweep the room quickly to make sure I have everything, patting my pockets to check for my phone--which is nestled in the back left pocket of my jeans, before whirling around and out of the room.

Once I'm out of the paddocks and towards the exits, where it opens a bit more, the wind whisks into my skin and bites me as I use one hand to dig through the side pocket to find Lando's car keys. I can't steady my hands, even when I'm trying to control their shake, they just get worse. Whether it's fear or anxiety, I find it plain annoying as I struggle to get the small keychain out of my bag. Lando had driven me here from the hotel and shoved the keys in my bag since he didn't walk in with his bag and didn't want to lose the car keys.

Luckily, he had, because talking to anyone in this state would be a bust. I could feel my attitude snipping at my heart as people shouted my name at me. I couldn't stop. I had to find Lando. I knew what hospital he'd be taken to, I had to get there in one piece.

And it was going to be hard with the fucking media right here.

A few reporters try to follow me, but I'm able to slip through the crowds like water. Once I make it to the parking lot, a woman steps in front of me with her camera held high and I shout.

"Can you fucking move?!" And shove her to the side as I zip out of the lot. Fuck the standards, fucking being polite, I'll ask for forgiveness later. And apologize, probably.

Throwing my bag haphazardly into the car, I follow suit and slam the door. There's time here for me to scream, cry, and rage in semi-private, but I bite back the bubble in my throat, throwing my seatbelt on and turning on the car's engine. I wait no time to slam the car forward into first gear, pulling out of the lot with shaking hands. My hands slip with sweat as I try when I remember his McLaren's manual. Cursing, I force myself to revert back to the car I drove in high school as my hands dance across the car in perfected practice.

Thank god I still have that going for me.

The highway is empty, where I thought there'd be lines of traffic there are only a few sparse cars. I slam the car as hard as it can go, watching the ticking of the speedometer, 50... 60... 70... 80...

I look behind me, merging into the fast lane and gunning it even harder. The car sings, and I feel an odd rush of momentary euphoria.

I hit around 165kpm at some point. The car doesn't even shake, it seemingly glides along with my movements, I hear sirens, I don't know if they're for me but I'm not staying to find out. I press harder, merging to the off-ramp and taking it, barely registering what's around me as I slam on my brakes and slip into the traffic near the hospital.

It feels good to drive like that. Maybe I should get back into racing at some point.

Once the McLaren is parked in a back corner of the hospital lot, I grab my bag, rip myself out of the car, and slam it shut, and triple-check it's locked. I turn and book it into the hospital, trying to breathe steady enough to keep myself from losing my shit. It feels like I can't run fast enough, slipping into the hospital and around people who dodge my clearly rushed pace. I pause in front of a desk, panicked and out of breath when someone comes to my side.

"Hi, honey, who are you lookin' for?" A kind nurse says, her hand finding my arm to apply soothing pressure as she notices the fear in my movements. I thought I was hiding it better than I was, I guess. I take a slow breath and let the shake in my hands come in, no longer holding everything back.

"Lando Norris, he just came in with Formula One?" I ask and the woman nods. She asks to see my ID and I fish out my license and Red Bull card to verify my employment.

"Olivia!" A voice shouts as my items are handed back when I'm cleared, and Jon comes up to my side, pointing at my head.

"You still have your headset on." He says softly and I look him up and down, pointing at him.

"So do you," I say. We pause and fall into soft laughter as I pull the headset down to my neck. Jon takes me by the elbow further into the hospital, out of the view of some of the reporters who try to snap photos of us as they're shoved out by the security. I hadn't even seen them when I made my way inside. Through the winding halls, and down to a smaller section of the hospital, Jon brings me to the door to what I assume is Lando's room.

"He's fine." Jon starts with, which eases me immediately, "He's a bit banged up, they think he might have broken or bruised one of his ribs. He's really out of it, the painkillers made him super loopy. Just a forewarning, he's also been dipping in and out of consciousness so don't be alarmed. It's just the painkillers."

"Is his family here yet?" I ask, looking at the door, and Jon shakes his head no once I look back at him.

"They're driving at normal speeds, so no. I don't wanna know how you got here so fast." He steps forward and knocks. A nurse pops open the door and welcomes us inside, Jon stays back while I make my way to the bedside. Lando's wearing a tee shirt and some loose sports shorts, he looks exhausted. I can see bruising on his legs as I nurse tosses the blanket over him as if trying to hide it from me.

"Here!" She pulls up a chair happily and I thank her as I sit down on it, taking my bag off and setting it on the floor, dropping my headphones in. I sigh, taking Lando's hand and feeling his pulse as if the machine that literally tells me that is lying. It feels good to feel his heart thrum under my skin and I kiss his wrist where the pulsepoint is.

"My girlfrien's not g'nna like you doin' that." Lando tries to take his hand from me, Jon snorting in the doorway. I let go of him and laughed softly, leaning up to brush his hair back from his face, the longer curls sticking to his forehead. He's still got the lines from his helmet and balaclava, and I trace one with my finger as he gives me the nastiest stink eye I've ever seen him muster.

"Hi, Lando." I croon, and he whines, slowly rolling his head to the side.

"I have a girlfriend." He states, poking my hand to push it away from him and I send him an odd look. Jon walks over and I can see he's recording, which makes a small amused smile poke at my lips.

"Lando," I laugh softly and Lando whacks my hands away softly, fighting through the weariness of his pain medication to wave his arms.

"I have a girlfriend." He pouts, laying his hands still at his side. I just laugh again, and Lando shouts in his dreary state, "It's not funny! I do!"

"Shush, shh, Lando." I stand and push my chair back a bit as I stifle my laugh into the back of my hand.

Jon calls from where he stands, attempting to help me not laugh by giving me something new to focus on, "Who's your girlfriend, Lando?"

"Olivia. Oscar's sister, which he was actually not happy about at first but I convinced him I was cool--" Lando keeps rambling on until I lift my hand and cup his cheek, running my thumb under his eye as I speak softly.

"Lando, baby, I am your girlfriend." I put a hand on my chest, "I am Olivia."

Lando blinks, eyes settling on me before he gasps and leans up to grab my face and pull me down for a litter of soft pecks to my cheeks and face. I catch myself on the bed and laugh, catching his lips as he happily grins up at me. It's all doe eyes, lovesick smiles on his lips as he keeps his hands tight on my face.

"Hi, baby." He whispers, bringing me in for another kiss and I detach one of his hands so it can rest by his side. I slowly situate him against the blankets with the help of Jon, and sit a bit closer to the head of the bed so Lando can be close enough to me. He keeps one of his hands in mine and I slowly run my thumb along his knuckles.

"Well, Mr. Norris!" A piercing voice calls, a young woman stepping into the room with a bit of an excited flourish, "You are all set! Jon's gonna look over your scans, specifically for those bruised ribs. We're thinking it'll be about three or four weeks of healing, and he's gonna make that like--workout plan and stuff with your personal doctor."

"Ah, thank you, Doctor." Lando smiles, watching as the doctor hands Jon some papers to look over. She smiles at me, a hint of recognition in her eyes.

"Olivia, right?" She asks and I nod, shaking her outstretched hand.

"I'm glad you made it here, Lando was waiting for you a bit impatiently." She kept her happy smile, rocking from foot to foot, "Kept asking us where you were, or when you'd get here. You've got a good man on your hands here, sweetheart."

"I know." My heart is bursting, "He's shown me that over and over."

--

11 JULY, ENGLAND. ↴

oliviapiastri and landonorris have posted new stories!

mclaren has made a new post!

liked by oscarpiastri, maxfewtrell, danielricciardo, and 876k others..

Thank you once again to @ oliviapiastri for taking care of our #4 and providing the team with love and some pics while he was recovering! Lando is at home now, and our official statement on the accident and other situations this season has been posted on our website.

View the story: McLaren.uk/formula1/landoolivia...

user has turned off comments for this post!

mclaren.uk...

OFFICIAL STATEMENT ON SITUATIONS BETWEEN LANDO NORRIS AND OLIVIA PIASTRI THIS SEASON.

WRITTEN BY STEVE ATKINS (M), ON BEHALF OF ZAK BROWN (M), ANDREA STELLA (M), ALICE MCLOUGHLIN (ORBR), ASTRID MARINA (UNAFF.), ADA LUANNE (UNAFF.), CHRISTIAN HORNER (OBRB), AND HIMSELF.

On the 22nd of February this year, Lando Norris (MCLAREN F1 TEAM, DRIVER) and Olivia Piastri (ORACLE RED BULL, HEAD OF ANALYSIS) were pulled into the office of Christian Horner (ORACLE RED BULL, TEAM PRINCIPAL) in Bahrain. A deal was struck between both parties and their corresponding teams to create a fake dating scenario, capitalizing on the tensions between Oracle Red Bull Racing and the McLaren F1 Team to push ticket and merchandising sales. This fake relationship was planned to eventually leak in PR and Social Media Strategy, however, due to Norris' crash in Silverstone, the entire program has been canceled. The program was also discovered by F1 Stewards upon investigation after Olivia's reaction to the accident cemented rumors in the media of the two dating. Both the McLaren F1 Team and Oracle Red Bull are under investigation, and fines are yet to be announced.

Norris and Piastri chose not to be a part of this statement and can be expected to make their own statements in the coming weeks.

On July 9th of this year, Lando Norris was involved in an accident in the pitlane of Silverstone. Engineers have determined this was caused by an overheating of brake lines that didn't allow Norris to stop his vehicle along with worn tires. No fines have been placed at this moment.

Olivia Piastri will return to work with Red Bull remotely immediately and will be in-person by Zandvoort. Lando Norris will return to racing with McLaren by Zandvoort and will be replaced by reserve driver Bianca Bustamente for the time being. Neither Norris nor Piastri will be fined for involvement with the media stunt, or with the accident as of this moment.

20 JULY, LONDON ↴

There’s a sort of haze around me as I blink sleep from my eyes. A warm pressure on my left makes me look to the side. Lando’s face is squished against my chest, soft snores leaving his slightly parted lips and rolling across my bare skin that pokes out from under my tank top. I take a moment to take it all in, how we’d gotten here, how we were, and I can’t help but roll to pull him closer to me and curl him inside my arms as I pepper a few kisses to his hairline.

How did I ever not like him? He's a fucking saint.

Lando, a heavy sleeper until I started sleeping in the same bed, noticed immediately and grabbed my waist with groggy whines about how tired he was. I coax him back to sleep, kissing his hairline and gently massaging his back until the snores return and I smile at Lando’s sleeping face.

“Awake yet?” Oscar calls from the door, and I wave. He laughs under his breath, waving me over, and it takes a bit of grace to detach myself from Lando. Once I do, I grab one of the spare throw blankets off the floor from where Lando had kicked it and slip over to where Oscar is standing by the door as I wrap it around me to keep out the morning chill.

“He’s exhausted. I think all the stress of the season is catching up on him.” I rub sleep from my face, and Oscar nods, handing me a piece of toast like a peace offering. I take it and tilt my head at him.

“They’re fining McLaren and Red Bull a lot for this stunt. It just came out.” Oscar hums, “said it’s a breach of contract and a risk for documents to be shared amongst the teams…”

My heart jumps to my throat, and I look at Lando’s sleeping form as he rolls into where my fading body heat is still in the blankets, “they want us to split?”

“Well. Lando’s contract ends with McLaren this year.” Oscar paused to take a sip of his coffee before leaning in to whisper, “and you didn’t hear it from me, but Christian has been looking at grabbing him for a few years now.”

“Is Checo moving?” I ask because I know Max wouldn’t leave Red Bull unless we forced him out by dragging him by his ankles.

“I dunno.” Oscar grins, stepping back and whacking my shoulder, “but you can date within your garage, so.”

With that, he walks away and I turn back to Lando as he starts to stir. I lean on the doorframe and watch as he blearily blinks his eyes open, hands searching for me in the covers until he lifts his head to see me off in the doorway.

“C’mere.” he croaks, and I smile, pushing off the doorframe and walking over to sit on the edge of the bed as he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my thighs.

I can’t imagine him in navy. But it might look good on him.

25TH JULY, LONDON ↴

“is Max positive?” Lando pokes his head into the kitchen doorway, looking at the island where I’m staring at my laptop. I look up and shrug, sending an email back to Christian about the fines and the media being on his ass for the whole stunt.

“Kylie said it’ll be here in five minutes,” I reply, refreshing my email as if that will make the minutes suddenly not matter and for the email to pop up. Apparently, Max had gotten sick right before the next race. While I was home with Lando to make sure he wasn’t being strenuous and to keep media off my back until everything died down, they had to do a COVID test on Max and isolate him just in case.

“It would suck if he's out for his home race this year." Lando wanders into the kitchen and pulls up a stool next to me as he sets his phone down on the counter. He’s been living in Oscar and my apartment for the past few days, just until next week when he goes back to McLaren's training center for a bit to do a lot of physical therapy before getting in the car next weekend for Zandvoort.

Oscar calls my phone, and I stand up, telling Lando to keep checking my email as I make my way over to the other side of the kitchen to grab my phone.

“Yes, bitch?” I say into the phone and Oscar laughs at my sharp tone.

“Just checking in on Lando for Zak,” Oscar says and I look behind me and my boyfriend—like, actual boyfriend now, and smile.

“He’s been fine, ribs are still a little sore. I had him doing cardio earlier and he was faring pretty well so I—I think Jon said he can go back to training a bit earlier. He’s still coming back in Zandvoort though.” I hum, “how’s Bia faring?”

“She’s having the time of her life. I gotta start bringing her around more. You guys really would be an unstoppable duo.” Oscar laughs, “But good, Jon is off today so I’ll let Zak know to reach out to him and ask.”

“Ollie!” Lando whines and I turn.

“Yess?” I draw out as I walk to his side.

“It's negative.”

“Oh, thank fucking god.” I breathe, “That makes everything a lot easier for me.”

Oscar is quiet on the line for a few moments before asking in a small voice, “What’s negative?”

“Max’s COVID test. He’s just got the flu.” I say without thinking much of my brother's hesitance before he lets out a soft laugh.

“I thought you took a pregnancy test or something, I was about to start judging the type of cardio you’ve been doing,” Oscar says and I shout,

“Dude!”

“I feel like that’s a reasonable thing to be worried about!”

“Oh my god, we’ve only been actually dating dating for like two weeks!” I groan and Lando sends me a confused look, so I pop Oscar onto speakerphone.

“It only takes like—five minutes to make a kid!”

“Hello?!” Lando shouts and I sink to the floor in a fit of laughter, trying to bite back the volume of my laughter before Lando shouts, "Do you think I fucked your sister?!"

"No! Stop! Stop talking Lando!" Oscar shouts over the phone and now I'm hysterical on the floor in tears as Lando tries to backtrack and Oscar keeps shouting for him to just-- "Shut the fuck up, Lando!"

"Both are you are going to kill me, I'm losing it." I wheeze from where I'm now lying on the floor, Lando laughing alongside me as Oscar groans.

"First the house, now this?" He says and Lando makes some noise in the back of his throat as I manage to calm myself down enough to stand.

"What about a house?" I wipe under my eyes, leaning my head on Lando's shoulder as his arm wraps around my shoulder and he kisses my head, his fingers poking at my side and making me squirm as I push him away with a laugh.

"Nothing, love." Lando sighs, "Remember when they gave me those painkillers that made me super loopy the first night, and Oscar was watching over me?"

I nod, remembering how halfway through my grocery trip he had to call me because Lando was so loopy he thought that I was gone forever. And he had literally cried tears of joy when I answered Oscar's phone call.

"Well, I kinda... oh my god this is so embarrassing." Lando sighs and Oscar tells him he now has to tell the story and Lando hides his face in my hair as he recounts, "I was looking at apartments in London for us."

"Stop, oh my god." I whine, turning to Lando so I can kiss his cheeks and his forehead, pulling him down when he tries to move back so I can't, "That's so cute."

"No, it's embarrassing." He grumbles and I laugh, pulling him closer and kissing along his jaw and then the apples of his cheeks and the tip of his nose.

"I wouldn't mind that," I murmur to him and his eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, his hands find my waist and he presses a kiss to my lips.

"Ew, I don't like that I can hear him kiss you over the phone." Oscar groans, "I'm hanging up now, don't do anything too strenuous."

"Fuck you, Oscar!" I laugh as the call hangs up, Lando keeping his arms firmly around my waist. We sit in silence for a few moments before his hand ghosts up the side of my neck to take my jaw in his palm, thumb hooking on my chin to pull me down to look at him.

"Would you seriously not mind?" He asks softly and I grin, leaning over to pop a quick kiss on his lips.

"Getting to have you with me every day?" I bring our foreheads together, his curls against my own as his hands find my waist to hold, my hands resting on his shoulders as I grin and flutter my eyes closed, "That's paradise."

"I'll literally buy one right now, don't even test me." He groans, pulling me closer and I laugh.

"Let's get Zandvoort out of the way first, yeah?"

JULY 28TH, TWITTER ↴

AUGUST 27TH, THE NETHERLANDS ↴

Luckily for me, I made it into the paddocks long before any media people. Max welcomes me with a slap on the back as I welcome him to his home race, and then I'm greeted by the Ferrari drivers once again as Checo laughs at my bewildered expression.

"I'm gonna tell the Tifosi on you both." I huff, but let both Charles and Carlos wrap me in tight hugs of congratulations as we laugh. Once the two are carted off to go do their actual jobs, I get settled in my chair and glance down at my desk before laughing.

A vase of freshly cut flowers and a little cup of coffee sits there, waiting for me, and I turn to look at Max who just grins.

"He's determined." Is all Max says before slipping away as he's called over to get dressed. I laugh and send Lando a quick thank you message, before taking a sip of the perfectly made coffee and settling down to finally get back into gear.

"Welcome back," A voice chimes and I glance up to see Christian in the doorway. I offer him a small smile and a nod.

"Good to be here." Is all I say in reply.

-

Lando and Max seriously just want to kill each other in these cars. Max takes the win at his home race by some insignificantly small number, they had to literally watch multiple playbacks to see who crossed first, which means Lando is still in good running for World Champion. Luckily, somehow a mix of car issues and the pure energy from Oscar, Charles, Checo, and Carlos managed to keep Max in P2 for most races, leveling out the chances for Lando to recover his lost points.

As soon as most drivers have returned to their paddocks, I'm mid-packing up when I'm ushered off by Logan, who finished P6. He quite literally hoists me off my feet and carries me into the crowd for the podium. A few other drivers lag back, and I look over to Oscar, who'd finished P4 behind Charles.

"Where's Lando?!" Logan shouts over my head at Oscar, who points, and then leans over to me.

"Here's that kiss they promised you'd have to do," He shouts in my ear and I laugh as the two lift me so I can be partially over the barrier holding back the audience from the racers. I wave Lando down and he laughs, slipping away from a reporter as he finishes an interview. Biting off his glove as he walks over, he drops it into his helmet and then grabs my jaw with that now gloveless hand, pulling me into his lips for a quick peck. I don't let him leave though, grabbing his jaw and pulling him back in for a few more deeper kisses.

Oscar cheers and Logan laughs before Lando secures one arm around me to pull me over the barrier. Logan and Oscar immediately hop over after me.

There's warmth in my chest as Lando keeps his hand on my lower back, pulling me through the crowd of drivers and up to where Max and Charles stand. A giddy excitement thrums across my skin.

I could do this forever.

--

SEPTEMBER 3RD, INSTAGRAM ↴

oliviapiastri made a new post!

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, charlesleclerc, and 876k others...

oliviapiastri: 6 months <3

charlesleclerc: damn y'all move fast

oscarpiastri: DUDE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE ARENT LIVING TOGETHER IN OUR WHOLE LIVES. CHEERS!

maxverstappen: cheers!! looks lovely

user1: THEY LIVE TOGETHER?

alexalbon: DUDE ITS BEEN SIX MONTHS??

⤷ landonorris: I KNOW??

landonorris: omg i can post this publically now

landonorris: i LOVE YOU OLIVIA<333

user2: lando going bat shit in these comments is so real

landonorris: I LOVE U SM DARLING

⤷ oscarpiastri: i liked it better before the FIA made them announce it. i wanna go back in time to before that happened.

⤷ oliviapiastri: get me a tardis then

⤷ bbcdoctorwho: we can make that work ...

⤷ oliviapiastri: HELLO?

user4: dying dead gone deceased i love them

landonorris posted a new story!

[callahanisms]

for me...formidable

i'm going to commit to the bit and make this a real thing. because i like the idea of tashi getting her fellow tennis player back in the game.

this will also be another time where i'm specifying reader's gender. so a female reader. and they're the same age as tashi.

unfortunately did i technically make covid canon in the universe? yes. yes i did.

pairing: tashi duncan x fem! reader

context: 2019 (briefly), late 2020 - 2021

"are you just going to keep eyefucking your husband? or...?"

you turn your head back to look at her. "sorry." you feel the phantom feeling of pain shooting up your leg and your fingers go to scratch at the scar on your leg.

tashi glances over. your husband and hers. playing tennis in the country club. she can overhear the conversation from them. come on art! do it! beat me!

"and how are your kids?"

"they're fine. doing well in school. having fun at sleepaway camp. it's just me in the house. feels unnatural." your stomach churns at the thought of your kids.

that's not to say you didn't love them. you loved your triplets. but your triplets reminded you that you could have had a different path. you could've had them later after you won the coveted venus rosewater dish. to finish your collection of trophies on the shelf. to finish a grand slam career title.

you feared you had aged out of the sport. and that there was no chance for you. a comeback was out of your league.

"he still keeps you at home?"

"yeah. even though i saved his career." you take a sip of your virgin strawberry daquiri. "that whole speech, the whole rebrand idea...was me. it was my idea."

"he's been keeping you locked up since college. so i'm not surprised." tashi's fingers tap on the table as she looks out at the men playing tennis.

"locked up since i got my injury." you scoff. "hate it. i hate seeing that empty space on the shelf. there's enough room for another trophy. for wimbledon." you sniffle. you blink back the tears. your husband always scolded you for getting emotional about it.

"you healed. you recovered well." tashi cocks her head to the side, and she pushes her sunglasses up so they rest atop her head. "why aren't you playing?"

"dan says...some shit about not wanting me to get hurt again. it's real bullshit."

"yeah. it is. you should play."

you raise your eyebrows, looking at tashi. "tashi."

"what? you can do it. you're still young."

"i'm 31. i don't...i don't want to be one of those players that comes back way past their prime. besides, i wouldn't even know where to start-"

"i can coach you."

you nearly spat out your drink. you swallow it down and ignore how cold it is, how it painfully travels down your system. "huh!"

"i can coach you. feel like you're...a lot easier to work with than some other people." tashi leans back in her seat. you were always receptive to her advice and criticism back at stanford. you always took things to heart because you strived for perfection and for pushing yourself.

and secretly, tashi wanted to piss off your husband. she's always hated dan.

you purse your lips. "tashi i...no. don't. you don't need to!"

"art wants to retire. after he tries for the u.s. open. win or lose. he wants to retire. i need someone new. and i think you deserve a second chance."

"that's...that's if i can even play the same. i'm old! my body is...completely different from when we were in college. i have three kids-"

"dan can watch the kids, for once. just...you don't even have to tell me now. you can think about it. if you want to play but not go with me, that's fine too. i would just hate to see a stranger try to say what you should and shouldn't do."

after all, you deserve to be cared for by the woman who knows you the best.

lockdown was a time where you really sat and thought about your tennis career.

you were tired of just taking care of the kids all day, of being locked in with them all the time.

and what you hated the most was that empty space on your shelf, staring at it all day, every day. you hated it when your husband showed it off on facetime to his friends. he almost bragged about the fact that there was a missing trophy, that you were missing a grand slam.

about two months into lockdown, you text tashi.

– let's do this – comeback of the century, right? – and i want you on board

"art's excited for you."

"is he?" you look at her as she's writing something on the legal pad. she always enjoyed the feeling of the paper. she was writing with a pen you had bought her. it was from a stationary store and the kind that had a tiny tennis ball and tennis racquet attached to the clicker.

"i think he's just happy to...relax." she looks up, watching the way your body was being stretched by the trainer. "you're a little bit older. and you have some clotting issues since giving birth. i can get in touch with some people to help craft a suit that will help."

"tashi, don't you think we're doing too much?"

"we aren't. you're older. and your body is obviously different from art's. for one, you literally made and carried three kids. we just need to get you the right equipment, get your body back into shape, and train you up."

the look of hesitation does not go unnoticed. "we can stop at any time-"

"no. i want that dish." you say it through gritted teeth. "i'm going to fucking get it."

tashi feels her lips curl into a satisfied smile. "hell yes we are."

"i registered you for a tournament. they're starting to open things back up." tashi lightly hits the ball and watches the way your legs move with precision. you hit the ball and it knocks over the cone all the way to your left. "you're basically a whole new player. some people might remember you, some won't. so we're leaning towards a new public image." she hits another ball.

you hit it and knock over the final cone.

"what does dan think about all this?" she asks.

you shake your head, wiping the sweat off of your forehead. "i'm divorcing dan."

tashi raises her eyebrows. "oh. is everything okay?"

"everything is fine. i...just hated him. don't hate the kids. they're sweethearts. and he's wasn't around enough for them to really grow attached to him. i...i was trying to work things out when he swooped in like a hawk and shoved that ring on my finger." you loved not being able to wear it. "i finally worked those things out."

"good for you. you deserve better."

like her.

but tashi would never say that out loud.

charleston. the perfect opportunity for a comeback.

you've faced worse. you had to remind yourself of that. the charleston open was not as serious as the other tournaments of the past. your hands were cold and frigid beneath the air conditioning. and they were growing numb.

"hey. hey. you're going to do great."

tashi's hands are warm. they cup your face, making you look at her and deep into her brown eyes.

she's always so warm.

"i can't feel my fingers." you mutter.

"here." she moves her hands to take yours, pressing them flat together between her own. "warm enough?"

"i can...feel it coming back."

tashi watches the way your eyes look all over the place, how they take in the crevices of the wall. you were always an observant person. you always liked looking at the walls of the locker room.

the catsuit looked really good on you too.

"what if...this is all a mistake..." you mumble.

"then it would be a waste of hard work and materials." she doesn't mean to sound cold. "and technically, you would have divorced dan for no reason."

you finally look at her. her eyes are soft. and you understand. she sees another shot within you. the same kind of shot she saw within art.

"yeah. i guess." there's the remnant of a laugh leaving you.

tashi leans forward. her lips are soft. and she tastes like prosecco. her perfume is warm with spices.

you kiss her back, leaning towards her, leaning into her. it feels right. kissing her feels right. just like that one time you two kissed in the showers at stanford.

tashi pulls away. she feels your hands. your hands were warm. hers were a little cold now.

"decimate that bitch."

[berylcups]

Abbachio x stoner! Fem (if not fem, afab gender neutral) reader, nsfw one shot maybe? Where Abbachios sort of disgusted with them smoking and frying their brain and shows them that there’s other ways to relieve stress.

if you as a writer don’t smoke or condone it, then it’s up to you which “bad” habit Leone will be replacing with sex a better treatment :)

Hey there! Sorry it took so long! I took my time on this one and put my entire ✨PUSSY✨ into this work. I'm kinda rusty with my smut so I hope its good enough! Either way I hope you enjoy! 💜 Beryl

Abbacchio x Stoner!Reader- Stress Relief

CW: Weed (obviously), Self harm mention, PIV, Masturbation, Technically a FEM reader fic but can be gender neutral if you ignore 1 or 2 petnames, drinking mention, binge eating mention

Notes: Ooooh boy @_@ its been a while since I've done some smut! I hope its worth the work I put into it! Don't worry if you smoke weed or don't! Abba loves you regardless!! Bucci though...you better run. hes gonna cry as he fights you for having DRUGS. No he doesn't care its an herb. Hes going mom mode on your ass. :'( Minors DNI and everyone enjoy!

Everyone has their vexes and vices. Some people do drugs, some binge eat, some binge drink, some self harm, some chain smoke, and some blaze it. You preferred to blaze it. You tried other methods to self soothe but they never seemed to work out like weed did. Harming left scars, eating gave bellyaches, and drinking gave hangovers… you just can’t seem to win. Nothing compared to the forbidden herb that gently numbed your mind and made you stop worrying about the world around you for a few hours.

You took a deep drag of your joint and held it in until you heard the door to the balcony open up.

“Sniff sniff…ugh Y/N. You seriously smoking that shit?” Abbacchio crinkled his nose in disgust of the herbal smell.

“Uh, yeah… I’m smoking outside so you can’t exactly bitch.” You said exhaling a small cloud. “If Bucciarati has a problem with my habit he can come kick my ass.” 

“I’m not going to snitch on you but he will beyond pissed knowing your using that stuff.” He scolded. “You’re better than this. Put it out and flush your stash if you don’t want him to find out. That shit is going to fry your brain.” He ordered.

“Sigh…don’t you know I don’t have a brain?” You said rubbing the joint out on the railing and went back inside with him to the restroom and sat on the end of the tub. 

“Show me your stash.” He ordered.

You groaned and pulled a baggie out of your pocket with a few good sized nuggets.

“Now flush it.” He ordered.

“What are you? My dad? You’re only like a few years older than me.” You protested.

“Do it brat.”

You sighed, resigning to your fate. You were going to lose that good amount you acquired.  You dropped the contents into the toilet and flushed.

“Happy..?” You glared up at him.

“Not really… Im concerned why you would even need that in the first place.” He said.

“You wouldn’t get it…” you sighed looking down away from him. 

“I’m a recovering alcoholic. And I have a pretty checkered past… if you let me in, I’m sure we’ll be able to understand each other.” He said softening his tone. “Let’s go to my room and talk it out.” 

You looked up to see his hand raised out towards you. You were hesitant but decided to trust him and took it, being led to his room and sat on the end of his bed.

Normally this would make you feel awkward but feeling the high took away some of that social anxiety. 

“So…I guess you want to know why I’m doing stupid shit. Right?” You asked. “It’s a lot better than what I used to do- and I tried other things. They just didn’t work out. Smoking is the only thing that makes me feel better.” You explained. “I tried just about everything you can think about…you know. I’m better than I used to be.”

“Scars..? Yeah I know. I can see them when your sleeves lift up sometimes. I know it’s better than hurting yourself but you still deserve so much better. It’s not the fact that you're smoking it that bothers me. It’s the fact that you’re developing a habit. You smoke at least 4 times a day.” He confessed. “I see so much of myself in you and just feel the need to protect you. I know that sounds overbearing as fuck but that’s how I feel.”

“Oh…I see. Well we are pretty much broken. But what’s better than being drunk or high? what do you suggest as better stress reliever? If I’m not allowed to smoke, it better be a damn good idea.”

“Well…ahem…we are pretty good friends and you can always lean on me when things are difficult. I’m not the best at talking things out but have you ever thought about us being friends with benefits?” He asked as smoothly as possible without trying to show his nerves.

“..! Ah..! I never thought about that before. I trust you and find you attractive so we can do that. It’s just…ever since I broke up with my ex, I haven’t done this in a long time.” You confessed feeling the heat on your cheeks.

“I’ll treat you right. I promise.” He said tilting your face up towards his. You made eye contact deep into his ametrine eyes and could see in his soul he was telling the truth.

You two subconsciously drew closer to each other until you felt his lavender lips brush up against yours and you let your instincts take care of the rest.

You locked lips and went through a series of gentle open mouth kisses as pulled you closer to his chest.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and carded your fingers through his hair as you deepened the kiss. He groaned softly and nibbled on your lip firmly. This made you gasp and he took that opportunity to slip his tongue in mouth. You sucked on it softly and gently grazed your teeth on it.  

You two fought each other orally refusing to submit. He pushed you down on your back into the bed not leaving your lips. He sucked hard on your bottom lip hard leaving it slightly swollen. You two eventually parted panting hard leaving a small string of saliva between both your lips. 

He looked down at you with eyes full of lust and his cheeks were dusted red. 

“Do you want me to go further? If I do, I won't be able to stop.” He warned.

You were too drunk on lust to make a verbal response, you just nodded yes hoping he knew you were in a right enough mind to consent.

You two quickly stripped down to your underwear and he jumped back on top of you, grinding his hardness into your clothed crotch.

You pulled him by the hair in response to the pleasure down to you so you could kiss him.

He kissed you deeply again and left a trail of kisses from your jaw to your ear and nibbled on it. You panted and whined as sucked a small hickey on your neck.

“You look good covered in my lipstick.” He purred as kissed and sucked his way down to your collar.

“How am I gonna hide all these marks? Everyone is gonna notice.” You whined.

“You’re just going to have to put up with wearing a turtleneck in the middle of summer. Or be comfortable and let them look. Let them know who you belong to now” he growled as he bit down.

“Ah~ that stings!” You winced as you dug your fingernails into his back.

“You can handle a little pain, brat.” He chuckled as he kissed the bite mark.

He kissed his way down your left breast all the way to your hardened nipple. He gently grazed his teeth over the sensitive bud and gave it a firm suck. In tandem as he lapped at your stiff peak he gently groped and massaged the right breast, rubbing his thumb over the right nipple. 

“Oh fuck…Leone… you’re driving me crazy.” You panted. The stimulation from your breasts was causing you to grind your cloth covered cunt up against him. You could feel your underwear getting soaked from your arousal.

“It must have been a real long time for you…why else would you be acting this shameless?” He snickered as he took his hand off your breast and snaked it down to your soaking wet crotch. 

“Shit Y/N… you’re soaking through these flimsy things.” He hooked a finger under the waistband of your underwear and slid them off, exposing your dripping cunt to him.

“You have a very pretty pussy bambina. I hope it can stretch out enough for me.” He purred as he spread your lips apart and slowly slipped a finger in.

“Hah…as long as you’re gentle I’m sure you’ll fit…” you shivered as you felt the pleasant intrusion.

He readjusted himself over you by your side so he could be close to you while he properly fucked you with his fingers. 

“You think this tight cunt of yours can handle 8 ½ inches? Don’t forget I’m pretty thick too… I doubt you were fucked by anyone with experience either.” He panted as he nibbled on your ear and curled his finger to brush up against your sensitive spot.  

“Let me know when you’re ready for another finger…” he reminded you as he continued to thrust into your drooling cunt.

“Ha…another please…” you moaned softly. 

He obeyed and worked a 2nd finger into your tight cunt. 

“Hmm…”please”? You’re begging already? I must be doing a good job.” He gently teased.

He thrusted his fingers in at a steady rhythm, using his thumb to gently rub circles on your clit. The juices of your pleasure were coating his hand. Each thrust he made made a lewd wet slap sound.

“Ah~ shit… Leo—ne…” you whined gripping onto his hair making him groan and grind his erection into your side.

“Shit if you keep pulling my hair like that I’m going have no choice but to bend you in half.” He groaned as he curled his 2 fingers over your gspot.

“Oh my god~” you mewled as you arched your back. The waves of pleasure were coming with each thrust of his thick fingers. You could feel the heat pooling in your lower stomach. You were on the edge of cumming.  

He could sense that you were getting close and pulled his fingers out which made you cry out in frustration.

“No whining brat. I want to feel you cum on my cock.” He smirked as he licked his wet fingers clean of your juices. 

He slipped off his boxers and you looked down at his cock. He wasn’t kidding… it was massive, uncut with a thick vein running down the shaft. It was picture perfect.

He rubbed his cock between your folds to lubricate himself with your excess arousal. 

“Are you ready for me?” He asked as he spread you apart.

“Yeah…please be gentle. I’m a little nervous.” You whimpered.

“Don’t worry I’m not going to force you open.” He rubbed your inner thigh as he slowly pushed himself in between your plush wet lips. “Fuck…” he groaned.

You remained relaxed as he penetrated you. You were feeling extremely full with a small sting. Thank god for your overexcited cunt making enough lube. This would hurt like hell otherwise. He made himself fully comfortable inside your plush cunt. You waited for the sting to die and then gave him the okay to start.

He grabbed you by the hips and pulled you down on to his length. He nearly pulled out and thrusted back in hard while pulling your hips close to him with each thrust.

You whined and mewled with each movement. He was taking his time to fuck slow and deep. You could feel his tip kiss your cervix with each thrust.

“Leo—ne~” you cried his name and repeated it over and over like it was a prayer.

He was slowly getting lost in the pleasure and he picked up the pace, burying his cock deeper into your molten core. 

“It’s like your pussy was made for me Y/N…” he panted. “I don’t know if I want to share it…”

He caged you down to bed with his body into a missionary position, panting hard in your ear.

You pulled him by the hair to face You kissed him deeply. He licked on your lip asking for entrance and you let him in, allowing your tongues to fight for dominance.You wrapped your arms and legs around him, pulling him closer to your body. 

He released from your lips to kiss down your jaw and bit down on your neck.

“Leo~ Fuck!” you cried as you yanked his hair in response.

He grabbed your left leg and threw it over his shoulder, partially bending you in half. This gave a completely new angle for his cock to fuck you in. This made you cry and mewl out in ecstasy.

“Fuck Y/N...I don’t know how long I’m gonna last.” He groaned.

“Cum inside me!” you begged.

He thrusted as hard as he could and rubbed gently on your clit. “ I want you to cum with me” He panted.

You felt that familiar feeling intensifying in your lower stomach. Your legs were quivering, the heat radiating from your cunt to the rest of your body from each clit stroke, the knot inside you was about to snap. You were dangerously close to your release.

“Leone~I’m gonna cum~”you howled as the tears began to prick the corners of your eyes.

He kissed you deeply in response and thrusted as you felt the deep warmth of his sticky release fill inside you. This took you over the edge and the knot snapped reaching your orgasm. You felt the intense tidal wave of pleasure wash over you as you felt yourself gush onto his cock. Few more waves came lowering in intensity and finally to nothing, 

He pulled away from you and collapsed next to you on the bed. He pulled your body towards his as you both cuddled and basked in the afterglow. 

“Wow…”you said breathlessly. “I have no words…”

“See how much better this is than smoking that green shit?” he asked.”If you ever need me, I’m always here for you.”

“Yeah it is better. But a joint is quicker and less messy.” you teased.

“Pfft, thats what quickies are for you brat.” he flicked your head in a joking sense. “But don’t come crying to me when Bucciarati rips you a new asshole.”

“I’ll do my best to rely on you from now on.” you promised.

“Good.”he kissed your forehead.

The both of you snuggled and soundly fell asleep.  

[susandsnell]

hey coco! hope ur having a good day! was wondering if u’d like to talk about why u like and what u find compelling with atton/exile? do u have a particular route or headcanon underwhich u prefer them or is it more of an overarching meta appreciation?

Hi, friend!

Thanks so much for the well-wishes. My day's kind of ehh due to continued Issues but the weather's nice and I'm feeling a little calmer. Hope your day is good!

Thank you so much for sending me this and enabling me shamelessly. I've been ride-or-die for Atton/Exile (which is M/F if you played the Jedi Exile as female, which I did and which is 'canon' but let's not talk about the latter lest we kick the hornet's nest) since summer 2011, which is almost 13 years now? Wild. Literally half my life. Anyhow, my reasons/headcanons have changed and evolved just as I've done a lot of growing up since the time I was first obsessed, but I'll do my best to synthesize/organize my thoughts! (Assume all the Restored Content is canon). More under the cut because 'synthesis' is still essay-length for me, God help me.

First off, I tended to play the Jedi Exile as light-sided and Revan as dark sided; I find the narrative of both games to be the most meaningful with these choices. This post basically puts into words why Revan works better as a Dark Sider, but the Exile, to me, as Revan's foil and mirror, works inversely best as a light sider. The game seems to want you to play her light-sided given how Kreia's best stuff/approval lies in that path. KOTOR II is one of the darkest entries to the Star Wars universe by far, but with a light sided exile, it's a story about how moving through life with an unyielding belief in love and justice for others in your heart will ignite that light in the people around you, and repair a broken world/galaxy.

Enter Atton.

KOTOR II is great in that you technically have such a wide range of shipping dynamics/options, and exactly none of them are functional, largely because it's one of the Star Wars media entries with the most harrowingly realistic depictions of war and its psychological impact on the people it touches. Atton Rand happened to be my favourite of all the love interests at the time because of his voice and his snarky meta-jokes (I was a Daria fanatic almost 2 decades too late, what do you want). Nowadays, I love him because his character basically took the Star Wars expanded universe requirement for Han Solo expys and went off the rails with it, making his 'scoundrel' archetype half-his charming and humorous personality, half-a facade to cover severe and quite realistically portrayed war PTSD as well as his actions as Jaq, the torture-happy mercenary. It's "what if the self-serving charming rogue during wartime archetype was brought to its logical conclusion" and I am here for it.

So first you have the parallels and contrasts - both committed atrocities during the Mandalorian wars, but while Atton was loyal to Revan after their fall and never faced justice for his wrongdoings, the (light-sided) Exile turned from Revan and still was scapegoated by the Council. Atton is a character mired in his own bitterness and cynicism, and you have the option to choose to play the Exile as a character driven solely by her morals, even when she'll suffer unconscionably for them, and it is through this unflinching clinging to her morals that she gains the idealism necessary to survive everything she goes through. Atton once sought to rip freewill away from his victims; the Exile unconsciously, slowly saps it through the cipher.

As a young teen, I admittedly was starry-eyed over the 'sheltered good girl manipulated and hurt by so many meets sexy bad boy recovering from his own past and they protect each other as a power couple' archetyping, but it does go a lot deeper than that. Their dialogue options have easy, natural, sexy chemistry that draws you in, but I do think my appreciation goes deeper. This isn't a simple 'fixing the bad boy' because of the narrative device of the Force cipher meaning you quite literally have "I can fix him" and "I can make him worse" as your game mechanics, lol. You get your surface-level fun of their interactions between the proper, well-mannered Jedi and the flirtatious rapscallion, but you also have two people who, for the reasons I outlined above, fundamentally understand each other after harrowing lifetimes spent alone in their pain and trauma.

I'd go so far as to say Atton is the best-placed of anyone to understand the Exile; the Sion ship is compelling and squee-worthy to any Phantom fangirl worth her salt (as I was), but she's everything he couldn't be or fathom, Visas may have felt closer to the pain the Exile did over Malachor V but her worst actions were committed under duress as a captive of Darth Nihilus and not of her own volition (so I argue she's a lot more morally innocent than Atton or the Exile), Mical/The Disciple is the innocence and warmth of the Exile's upbringing untouched by how the Mando wars reforged her and while Brianna/The Handmaiden is excellent as a potential parallel for specifically the Exile's abuse at the hands of the Jedi (Atris in particular), she's still similarly sheltered to Mical. Bao-Dur was with the Exile during the war but the game didn't develop him enough and understands that aspect of her, but they canonically per the dialogue emotionally distanced themselves given the circumstances, and Mira the Bounty Hunter is cool sister-zoned, but I suspect her family being victim to Malachor V would drive a wedge no matter how much forgiveness the game preaches.

Meanwhile, Atton knows and/or loves not pieces of the Exile, but as she is; the battered and betrayed veteran with a lifetime of wrongdoing to atone for that he recognizes in himself, and the naive Jedi she was before that the charming flirt in him likes to tease. And although his backstory is a revelation, and a harrowing one to the Exile, who sees what she might have become had she stayed with Revan, this is what their relationship is; seeing someone in their totality, and loving and honouring the worst with the best. Despite knowing what the Exile's done, Atton values her enough to still care about how she views him that he begs Kreia not to tell her the truth about his past. The two are instantly drawn to each other on Peragus, not just out of necessity but genuine, instinctive protectiveness, attraction, and a deeper sense (be it Force-Assisted or not) of understanding. Atton refers to it in his death scene (if you count that) as love at first sight, and while there was probably initial infatuation, I think there was just such an instant magnetism that grew and grew between them through shared experience. "Don't give up on me now, dammit!" and "You want her, you get through me." come to mind. Atton is the only party member that asks her to train him in the Force, whereas she has to prompt and convince the others into their awakening. He's deeply scarred by his experiences with the Force, not to mention it's actively dangerous to train as a Jedi due to the Exchange, but he's willing to face that for the Exile - he tells her that part of why he wants to train as a Jedi is to be better able to protect and fight for her. One of the first things he does is teach her to play Pazaak in her head to prevent from psychic attacks through the Force/harm through Kreia's force bond - the exact weapon he wielded against others. The tragedy of any Jedi Exile ship is the constant insecurity created by the force-wound/cipher; how much of anyone's choice to follow in their footsteps or love them is their own free will? What power dynamics, unspoken or obvious, arise from it? But Atton's fierce independence and selfishness almost serves as the clearest answer to this. He willingly reawakens himself to the Force to connect with her, to be better able to fight for her. He chose her, a thousand times over, and whatever role the Force Wound plays, he accepts her influence out of admiration for that steadfast-to-a-fault morality I talked about before.

This isn't some corny gender essentialist "she is his redemption" nonsense either, although redemption is a major theme of a light-sided KOTOR 2; by training Atton and others as a Jedi, the Exile is actively doing the work to heal the galaxy she helped to break. By protecting and teaching and bonding with the Exile, Atton is regaining his own humanity through recognizing hers, over and over, the way he failed to recognize those of his victims. They're together in this, in their recovery, in how they've experienced all extremes of morality. Love, in this story, isn't about fixing someone or breaking them, it's about meeting them where they are and walking alongside them, hopefully to someplace better than where you were when you both met. Is it any wonder that he's the one she walks away with in the end? (As if he'd let her walk alone ever again.)

With all this being said, and to address your question, while the route/headcanon preferences I prefer for Atton/Exile create, I think, the richest narrative with what's there, I've definitely got an overarching meta appreciation for them too. I spent my teen years eagerly eating up every possible iteration of them as a couple, and much of what I described above can hold true in a different aspect if people prefer to play them dark-sided, if people hold the tragic dying in your arms ending as canon, and so forth. They're compelling any way you slice them.

[youredreamingofroo]

The Roo-seum...

group pics and other stuff under the cut! (just to avoid flooding the dash lmao)

CAS pics in the NEXT POST

Now onto me ranting.

The Roo-seum is a 16 sim project that's consumed me for the last couple of days (in a good way), this explores most of Roo's lifespan (not implying he's dead LMAO), from the age of 9 years old, up to now, 28 years old, talking about what he went through for each year (for the most part anyways), of course, I didn't start at 1 or 2 years old, mainly because, way back when I made all of these Roo's (roughly back in July '23, this is not an idea that suddenly sparked, I only acted on it because I have a way to show off each age that isn't a Picrew lmao... I can't draw well so I just used TS4), I made them in Picrew, which... at the time couldn't find a Picrew with kids/babies so the youngest I went was around 9 years old, and just built up from there.

Roo is my persona gone OC, around 5 or 6 years ago, I put on this persona of "Roo", which started as "The Unfortunate Roo" and Roo's (or Mine, since this was technically a Persona, doubling as an OC) design was COMPLETELY different back then, He wasn't a he, the design was a sucubus I think, I don't really recall and I really couldn't care for it, it's embarrassing 💀 I don't remember how he came to fruition, but I remember finding this one picrew that I LOVED, and I used that picrew to create ~Roo~, his initial design was akin to the 22-23 year old Roo, there's a lot about his design that I could talk about but will avoid doing so, but just know that his Sims design isn't super on the dot to what his actual design is supposed to look like.

So... what's Piametia?? Why did you come up with that?? How did you come up with that?? To be honest, I never actually came up with a name up until yesterday when writing the note for 10-12 year old Roo, I don't really remember what sparked me to come up with a condition that "has the Patient suffer a sudden loss or gain in pigmentation and melanin in the eyes and hair," I guess 17 year old me thought it was cool, and it is! It opened up a new story for him, where I couldn't provide story (for someone without Piametia), like how being affected by Piametia caused him to go from extremely accepting of himself, to getting bullied into "normalizing himself," While he achieved this, it was really in vain, because he was still bullied for his condition, but as he grew older, out of his teen years and into adulthood, it bothered him less and less, because, well, shit like that doesn't fucking matter, sure it still bothered him, sure it still traumatized him to some degree, but it's just what some stupid kids say, it doesn't determine what his worth is, and he understands that, so after recovering from almost ending his life, he realized that something had to change, he couldn't live in this wallowing ball of agony because some kids determined "hey! That kid is different! They're no longer as cool as we are! Get him!!"

I should also mention that he didn't develop Piametia til he was around 9 years old, which is exactly what the condition does, it's genetic (although it never occurred in Reese or Virginia, the only reasonable conclusion was that it skipped a generation) and it's drilled into the person's DNA and only takes effect before puberty (in the average kid). So Roo was considered a part of the other kids' little cliques and stuff, but only until his hair and eyes changed color.

I kind of hyped this up to be something extravagant and maybe it is, idk, I don't have the eyes of the audience, I'm just a guy who made this and I have a rather critical view of my work sometimes, I try not to, but force of habit lmao. I really liked making this because Roo is an OC who has grown with me, mainly because he's both a persona of me while also being an OC, so where I change and grow, he often reflects that change and growth, in his own ways of course, I often wish he was real, but he's not and that's the harsh reality. Also gonna clarify that his life does NOT completely reflect mine, I'm only 18, he's ten years older then me lmao, where he was 8 I was 10 years to be conceived- Roo is still his own character, he's had his own relationships, all of which have went poorly (reflecting my own), and even had his own stalker (which escalated)- But parts of his life like when he became extremely homophobic of himself and who he truly was is not reflective of myself, I never had that stage in life (whether you did or not however is not a bad thing unless your actually just homophobic, then gtfo like?? 😭).

I went on a rant there, and I probably could've kept going, but figured I should stop at some point lol, but I hope you guys like this, I sure LOVED making this and I love doing Roo related things and posts. I also provided text in the image descriptions in case it's hard to read in the images (I tried to keep it as clear and readable as possible), and in case anyone who uses a screen-reader finds this post :)

[darlingkirstein]

im just curious about your headcanon for their job (for eremika and jeanpiku if that's alright)

this question has truly thrown me for such a giant loop because im super indecisive! so i thought instead of choosing one option, i could list a few plausible options for the characters! these are just the jobs that came to mind for some reason. im sure i could come up with others but this are the first that i decided on, and i tried to choose jobs that are a little more unorthodox to be unique 🩷

also sorry for how long this has taken ! i know you've been waiting for this for a while 🫶

Eremika

— Eren Jaeger!

Physical/recreational therapist: I can imagine him wanting to help people but not wanting to be a hospital doctor or anything like that. He seems like he'd be a pretty active guy so I think a job where he gets to help people and also move around and help clients move around and recover from injury would be both fulfilling and fun for him at the same time! Or even recreational therapy, getting to help people through different activities!

Small business owner: I can see him taking the charge and owning his own business, maybe with the help of his parents with a small investment to get it started. Mikasa might also help with this when she has spare time because she wants to support him! I'm thinking something that incorporates his love of cooking, like a bakery or food shop?

Stuntman/stunt coordinator: This one is more for fun but I love picturing him as a stunt man for movies. He would get a kick out of the thrill it gives him if he's actively participating or he'd find it satisfying to coordinate really interesting stunt work. Mikasa would always be fearful that he's gonna injure himself.

— Mikasa Ackerman!

Bookstore employee: I don't know why, but I think Mikasa would love working around a quiet environment with books. Getting to provide recommendations and organize the shelves makes her feel accomplished without over-stressing her. She loves reading so the employee discount is definitely a big benefit.

Speech-language pathologist: I'm biased here because this is what I'm studying! But I think Mikasa could thrive in this job! Getting to help people struggling with communication is really fulfilling and she gets to challenge herself to find creative solutions. I think she would love working with children, helping them fix their speech sounds, or even with adults, helping with different disorders.

Daycare owner/lead employee: I think a lot of us agree that even in our modern AUs, Mikasa didn't have the happiest childhood. So, I think she tries to make sure that other children have the best possible childhood around. She would be very attentive to all their needs because she's naturally great with kids. Eren would find this so endearing and it would really give me lots of baby fever when she comes home and talks about the kiddos.

Jeanpiku

— Jean Kirstein!

Gonna start off by saying that I feel like Jean initially settles for an office job because he feels like he has to be a big breadwinner and have a stable, high-paying job but it ends up making him rather miserable so he quits to pursue other jobs.

Art restoration: I know the idea of Jean being an artist is kinda overplayed since he only draws once but I am so attached to it. But here I'm specifically thinking of him restoring old/damaged paintings for museums or for people's personal collections. He probably finds comfort in seeing the pretty paintings come back to life after being so dull. He takes it super seriously since it's so technical so he's very proud of his work and the results!

Something in the restaurant/food industry: Jean loves cooking so much! He would want to share his cooking with others. He might work at a restaurant making good or maybe even as a cooking instructor? I think that even if his job isn't in the food industry that he still volunteers his time to cook for people in need because it's something he's passionate about.

Art therapist: In a similar vein to art restoration, I am imagining him as an art therapist, trying to help people with their struggles through various forms of art. It's probably therapeutic to him, so sharing that therapy with others is so sweet to me. I think would love to work with children especially, just getting to see them smile after they've gone through some rough things :)

— Pieck Finger!

Something in journalism: Pieck would get a kick out of writing small articles for different papers or magazines, or even in the newspaper (even if it's a dying medium). She gets to show a more creative side while making a living and she also gets to work from home which is great because she's kind of a homebody! She gets to be comfortable while writing her fun articles :)

Accent/dialect coach: This is also kind of a half-serious one like the stunt coordinator one for Eren. I feel like Pieck would be weirdly good at accents, like stupidly good. So she might have fun working with actors either in bigger shows/movies or in local theatre productions to change accents.

Editor: Another job that could be done from home, I think she would like editing people's books or articles or anything to make them better. She finds it fun and satisfying to correct mistakes and make suggestions, and it's so fun because she can work on stuff from her bedroom if she so desired. Maybe she both writes and edits and just switches off depending on the day/helping out her writer friends by editing their work for them.

[chickenkurage]

CHAPTER 4 OF ATG IS HERE AND OH MY GOSH.... WHAT- NO.... NO NO NO NO NO NONOONOOONOBOOBOBO OH MY GOSH DJ AND ALAN IN THIS.....

FIRST OF ALL DJ WAS ACTUALLY WILLING TO HELP ALAN WITH HIS WEAPON BY GETTING A LOT OF MISSING PIECES FOR IT, BUT ONE TIME ENDS UP GETTING SHOT BY SOMEONE IS SOMETHING I ACTUALLY NEVER EXPECTED THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOSH.... YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH VICTIM AND DARK BOUNDING!!! LOOK AT THEM GO!!! ALSO A STATUE OF A CURSOR THAT RESEMBLES NOOGAI IS HONESTLY REALLY INTERESTING TO KNOW ABOUT!!! ALSO DARK IS GETTING INTO THE NOOGAI SITUATION BY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I THINK THOUGH BUT I WONDER IF THEY BOTH WILL LOOK THROUGH SOME BOOKS AND FIND ANYTHING ABOUT NOOGAI!!! MY FRICKING HEART.... NO..... OH GOSH NO, EVEN IF ALAN HELPED DJ RECOVER FROM THAT SHOT, HE STILL HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY "DJ... you're worthless".... THAT EXPLAINS THE TAG OF DJ HAVING SELF ESTEEM ISSUES OH GOSH- THOSE WORDS DEFINITELY HIT HIM WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH, IT LOOKS LIKE HE'LL NEVER LET IT GO PROBABLY, EVEN IF HE TRIES TO HIDE IT IF HE WOULD, ALAN THAT'S YOUR GOSH DARN BEST FRIEND AND THE BEST BROTHER YOU'LL EVER HAVE, GOSH I'M GETTING A LOT OF EMOTIONS.... THE FLASHBACK OF THESE TWO TALKING TO EACH OTHER ABOUT GODS IRL WHILE THERE ISN'T ANY IN THE OUTERNET, BUT OH MY GOSH THEIR FRIENDSHIP IN THE PAST LIKE.... THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT ALL WENT SO WRONG.... AND DJ PRAYING FOR HIS BEST FRIEND BACK, EVEN IF HIS HEART LUCKILY DIDN'T GET SHOT, IT FELT LIKE IT DID BY FEELING LIKE IT WAS SHATTERED BY THOSE WORDS.....

*INHALES* MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMGEY!!! YOU ARE DOING A LOT ON ME WITH THIS AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- DJ WHERE ARE YOU EVEN AT RNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-

Chapter 4's new name "Doomed Friendship" DJ would always help Alan, and we know that, Alan is his best buddy, and he would definitely follow Alan even to the end of the world. And if making that weapon makes Alan "himself" again? DJ would do it a million times, just so Alan would have that spark back again :''), and the fact he did get shot trying to get the parts for the weapon just, makes it worst.

Victim and Dark bonding are really adorable, they really have that older brother and younger brother energy XDD. I mean, we can understand Dark. How uncanny and scary it is for a stick to "easily" use humans as his tools. How technically, Alan has so much power in his hands. He could start wars, imagine if he gets his hand on a world leader and start another world war. That's just terrifying honestly. That weapon they created, is a damn good one, Alan is basically a god at this point. And that thought just terrifies Dark.

Alan telling DJ was worthless.... that was painful, DJ wears his heart on his sleeve. And for someone he cares about, his best buddy, his brother, not by blood but he loves so much, tells him he is basically worthless...... That broke him.

And the religion and gods talk between the two of them when they were younger, and how DJ admits that he would believe in god, as long as "that" god gives him strength, and that god can be someone that he can ask help from when in need. And the fact Alan is the so called "god" in this, that's basically the opposite of what DJ wanted from a god. But the fact he would still search for his "god" even if that god doesn't want him...anymore.

And honestly, they were really happy, they USED to be happy :''). This may be really a doomed friendship from the start after all.

We all know, that's the day DJ heart broke. Heartbreak isn't real, but let's admit it. DJ would prefer getting shot in the heart than hear his "best friend" tell him he isn't no longer needed and useless.

DJ will appear more frequently.... since well...he's the real MC of this AU xPP hehe! Prepare for more angst to come, and DJ getting hurt. Maybe ATG DJ was actually the real counterpart of CS Alan after all ;) - S

[yoki-doki-then]

FFXIV Write 2024 - T W O H E A D S A R E B E T T E R T H A N O N E

“Hey, Aika?”

“Yes, Yoki?”

“Do you think they're actually... dead? My parents? My brother?”

Two Lalafells sit under the evening sky, decorum and their rift of status discarded under the watch of the stars and moon above. Ul'dah's night life quiets near their restaurant, both clad in more pedestrian garments than their norm. It's incognito, in way. The world breezes past them, ignorant to their deeper stories.

“In all technical and probable likelihood, Yoki, they are dead.”

“... But do you think they are?”

“No.” Aika speaks before her mind can catch her heart, and she swallows hard. Her fingers twitch near the collar of her dress, looking for something to claw at, but she stills her digits. “I do not,” she reinforces eventually. “It wouldn't make sense?”

“Dramatically speaking, it does. We are... 'were' a rather tumultuous family. It's kinda hard to find the good notes hidden in discord. I remember some. But a lot of it was drama. The silent kind of drama that slowly out from inside holes. 'You didn't notice me when you started this', it's gonna whisper as it eats a rib, 'and now you'll regret it'. That kinda drama.”

“You are wonderfully melancholic, Yoki,” says Aika with a loving sigh. “But, no. I don't think they are.”

“Why not?”

“I saw the family's drama too. I've lived through it. But I've also seen the kindnesses they've shared. The pain. The... well, pleasure. I think it's more complicated than just a sweeping 'they were bad'. Even if some parts were certainly ill.”

“All it takes is a weakness for the Final Days to steal your soul, to my understanding.”

“Maybe. But they are not weak people. They're less stubborn than you, but fight hard for second place.”

The younger woman giggles a touch. “I'd like to hope so.”

“Don't just hope. Keep surviving. Thrive. Eventually, I'm sure the chance will come for you to reconnect with them, wherever they might be.”

“You too, right?”

“... Pardon?”

“Aika. I know we have this sorta-weird relationship of money going between us, but I do like to think of you as... I don't really know the word. You're a part of my world.”

“... I appreciate that, Yoki. I do.”

“I've another adventure to go on. It's something... I don't really know what it's about yet. But I'm setting out for an airship tomorrow to meet with a bunch of others. I hope it goes well. When it's over and I come back, do you think you could help me look for my family? I want this to end. I want proof, or I want them in my arms.”

Aika looks down at her lap. Her palms tingle, and she rubs them together to try to fight back the nerves. “I would like to do that. I will. There's things I know I've kept to myself, I suppose. Out of care. You understand, I hope? I-”

“I understand. Well, I don't, but I demand myself to understand.” “Pfeh.” Aika's laugh, despite all her normal airs of decorum, was always her most undignified trait. It rumbled in her throat and bubbled to the back of her mouth, coming mostly through her nose. When she recovers, she continues. “I'll be open about anything you ask, and even things you wouldn't. I want my life to start its next chapter as well.”

“... Then here's to a good adventure for me, and a fine tomorrow for us.”

Yoki's sister smiles and picks up her glass on the table. It's empty, long-since drained, but she feels the bounty of grapes in it regardless. “Here's to.” She sips air.

It's delicious.

[apurpledust]

thx for the tag @cadmusfly :3🫶

Last Song: It Should've Been Me by RIProducer

a song about unrequited love and the pain of not being chosen by their love interest😭 sounds like napjuno help

Currently Watching: the last series i watched was the One Piece live action recommended by my twinsie... but as of right now? nothing lol. I wouldn't mind any rec's tho if anyone has any c: usually i'm just watching history yt /tiktok videos lol

Three ships: help the three main ones consuming me right now its gonna be long: napjuno -> nana and juju! intense obsessive love? possessive tendencies? homoerotic devotion? ANGST?? yup right up my alley. junot was forever loving someone he cannot have and that literally hurts my soul 😭 imagine having someone as hot as him pining after your ass ALL THE TIME😭 also reminder that junot loved him more than god (or just as much) and would eat him if he could 💗

btw i'm not dying until at least one of those burnt letters are somehow recovered (;

lannap -> technically my first napoleonic ship! some friends from lofter /ig wrote and drew a lot about them and got me onto the bandwagon. i love how lannes is the only one able to stand up to naps and get away with calling him a harlot lmao. i truly believe a part of naps died ever since lannes left the mortal world in 1809 :'c

napalex -> i would say this ship was mostly influenced on me by my friends~ a summer romance that had them both infatuated for a while... or everlasting.

Favourite Colour: *looks at room and closet* lol it's purple

Currently consuming: the last thing i ate was ramen for lunch :)

First ship: i had a period where i was reaally into les mis so enjolras / grantaire i'd say was my "first" official ship🥺

Relationship status: single but also i'm not looking for one rn😌

Last Movie: Napoleon (2023) lmao it was horrible. i rinsed my eyes by re-watching waterloo a few weeks ago tho

Currently working on: trying to colour my doodle of naps w/ hickies that some friends and i were joking about 🤭 you know it happened😈

tagging: @isa-ko (ik you're already tagged but still :3) @promises-of-paradise @goddammitjosef @oriharaizayadividesintoslytherin @etsu-silly @xinanigans @kafkaifhewasasillygirl no pressure ofc and anyone who wants to do it <3

[fangbangerghoul]

I've been recovering from my exposure to the sun yesterday. I'm hoping to have some kind of Sunday snippet tomorrow but I'm not sure what it will be. Will it be my crochet project? My DD2 wip? My other wip?

I'm super sensative to heat on top of being on medication that makes me super sensative to heat so it was a double whamy yesterday. I was genuinely surprised I didn't have a heat stroke but I'm pretty sure immediately getting a cold shower as soon as I came home is what saved that from happening. But the recovery took a 12 hour nap and lots of water and carbs.

Also I've been busy on "vacation" these past few days. Vacation is in quotation marks because vacation with children is technically work in my eyes lmfao. I still had a decent time and my kid had a blast and that's what matters to me. Even if my tism got the best of me in some moments and I thought I was going to scream; I didn't.

It's not the end of the world if I don't have anything for tomorrow but I enjoying having Wednesdays and Sundays being a day to post some of my work. Especially since August is coming closer every day and when my semester starts I'm not sure how consistent I'll be with my classes.

It also doesn't help that my friend was in the hospital while I was at the Zoo enjoying my day. I didn't know till after the visit that's what had happened. We started a fund for her to help her with her continuous unexplained seizures now that they are seriously effecting her quality of life.

This all in all was a random rant for things. Plus I haven't had any queued posts set up and I'm not sure when I'll be able to have my DD2 posts queued again. So heres a post. Lol

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Red Snow (KakuIza oneshot)

Wow, I can't believe I finally finished this!

This was actually sitting on my drafts for half a year. The idea came at me when I started wondering what if some characters start to slowly remember other timelines? And bam, KakuIza appeared to me. Tragic as always, but asking with puppy eyes if I could give them happiness (or show it, since technically the canon already did this). I had it all wrote except the last scene because apparently the angst comes easily at me (no surprises here, oops)

But Tenjiku being animated and knowing what we'll see in a few week... Yeah, I needed to end this and fix that mess.

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

Summary: Maybe the snow was the last tribute from heaven to this king who died too young trying to protect his servant. After that day, every time it snows, Kakucho couldn't do anything but look at the snow, the bloody red snow that seemed to be everywhere. Now, the red is gone. Izana is there. The snow makes Kakucho happy again.

Warnings: Manga Spoilers. Angst with happy ending (with a lot of angst before the happiness) and depressed Kakucho (who could blame him?)

Notes: This is canon compilant, from Kakucho's POV (so keep in mind that any opinion on another character is Kakucho's, not mine, I love them all). The italic parts are Kakucho's memories, I hope it makes sense how I organized, since it's not chronologically, it only makes sense emotionally. If saying this makes sense at all.

English is not my first language, so be nice please! :)

Kakucho has been wanting to see that smile for so long that he can't even remember when he started to miss it. Or maybe it's the excruciating pain in his shoulder, which doesn't allow him to remember properly. All that he knows is that suddenly it's here, a real smile on Izana's face, lighting everything up. He can't stop looking, even if some part of his brain detects all the chaos and screams around them, Kakucho only has eyes for him, for his king and this smile that it's making the world shine again for a few seconds.

He thinks his yelling, but he's unable to focus in anything other than Izana bleeding next to him, correcting his servant once more “Our era”. The king keeps talking to Mikey, but Kakucho doesn't know what he's saying anymore, the last words still hitting his brain, his ears, his whole body. “I'm sorry Kakucho, but you're all that I have”.

As Izana's hand begins to get colder his servant is still caught up in those words “All that I have”. So Kakucho close his eyes, more than willing to follow his king one last time. He's not going to left him alone, not now, not ever. The last coherent thoughts that cross his mind is that this is his fault, for wishing too much, wanting too much. He never would have wished to see Izana's real smile again if he had known the price.

He's still able to see the snow before everything goes dark (or feel, he's not sure of his own senses any more). It's ironic,they used to love the snow, now it seems like the universe is mocking on them. Or maybe it's not, maybe the snow is the last tribute from heaven to this king who died too young trying to protect his servant.

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Kakucho wakes up in the hospital. The doctors say that he's going to recover, like that's good news. They are not, not for him. He survived, again. Nothing makes sense, he doesn't feel alive, so... How is it possible? He wants to die, he doesn't understand, his live is meaningless, just a servant. Kakucho hates himself for surviving, he should have died protecting his king, not the other way around.

None of this matters, his feelings are not important, he can't go back to being selfish, getting caught up in his own desires. He knows that he has to keep living, Izana died for him to live. 'Why? Why Izana? Why you never show how important I was to you when we still had time? Why did you leave me? Why am I the only one stuck with our regrets? Why?'

He needs to stop thinking, there is no point in doing so. Izana exchanged his own life for Kakucho's, so he knows he has to keep living. Even tough he is already dead.

---------------------------------------

Every time it snows, is the same. It doesn't matter if Izana is already in middle school, as soon as he sees the first flakes he starts running looking for Kakucho, ready to drag him under the snow again. It's a miracle how he's able to contain all this excitement until he finds his friend (his servant) when he's actually jumping trough the corridors.

Of course, Kakucho follows him, pretending to complain about the cold. He doesn't pretend too hard, it's not like he's even trying to hide his smile. Or like the cold matters, when Izana is still taking his hand while they keep running until being outside.

Kakucho didn't care about the snow before, now he loves it. Or maybe he loves how the older boy's face seems to glow when he smiles at it. He knows that Izana isn't exactly the happiest kid around, so he treasures every second when he can have his friend acting like this, without masks or titles between them. Just two friends playing in the snow.

They always play outside for hours, never bothered by the rest of the kids, probably too busy hiding inside the building from the cold. Kakucho thinks they are idiots, they don't know anything. For him, the snow is a reminder of that warm feeling inside him, that thing he felt the first time they played like this. It was almost freezing inside their igloo, but all the ice went away when Izana said those words “Our kingdom”. The younger kid doesn't understand why, he only knows that for a second he felt like the most important person on the entire planet ( besides Izana, of course ), the previous cold forgotten and replaced by warmth within his chest.

Suddenly, a snowball kicks him and he realizes that Izana has already started the fight. He was lost in his own thoughts, so obviously Izana is cheating. Again. He sighs and starts making his own ammunition. 'Some things never change, right?'

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The world lost his color that day. Now everything looks gray, like if someone repainted it with a monochrome palette during the time that Kakucho was in the hospital. The apartment is worse, because he can still see where the colors are supposed to be, like a shadow from the past. He can still see the guitar by the window, where Izana used to play it. The tropical fish, now his only roommate.

It's a really small apartment, the only one that Izana could afford at that time, when he came back to the orphanage just for rescue him ( actually it was more an scape than a rescue, but they didn't care about that ). When his king went to juvie he promised that he wouldn't forget about Kakucho. And he didn't, because Izana never lied to him. 'He just kept too many things inside, but he never lied, how ironic is that?'

He didn't have time to miss the colors, because one day starts snowing. Kakucho was walking towards the convenience store when the first flakes began to fall. Suddenly he can't breathe, he can't move, he can't think. He can't do anything but look at the snow, the bloody red snow that's everywhere. 'Red. That's not supposed to be red. Why is the snow red? Where does all this blood come from? Fuck, fuck, fuck!'

Kakucho doesn't know how he manage to run until he's safely back home, safe from the memories that come true with every flake of snow. From that day on, he avoids going outside in the snow. So he stays in this apartment full of ghosts, the ghosts of colors, forever gone from his world. The ghost of Izana filling every corner, reminding him that he must keep living.

---------------------------------------

Apparently Izana made new friends in juvie. He doesn't know how he feels about it, but it's weird trying to imagine Izana making friends. Until his king explains how he made them. 'Oh, that checks.'

“Why are you doing this face? Are you jealous or what?”

Izana says that with a smirk in his face, his obviously teasing him but for some reason the younger boy still feel that something is off.

“Come on servant, don't be such a pain in the ass, I beat them for you, the least you can do is be grateful, don't you think?”

“For me?”

Kakucho doesn't understand what that is supposed to mean.

“Yeah, you're going to lead our army, remember? I wasn't going to let you lead an army of weaklings.”

And with that, he puts a hand on Kakucho's head, ruffling his hair on the process. An obvious sign that the conversation is over and, once again, his servant will follow him with a smile.

When Kakucho finally meets this new friends, he can only think that they're all idiots. Well, except for Mutto, he likes Mutto because he's calm and quiet, he always knows his place or when it's better to shut up. Shion is the complete opposite, he never knows when to shut up or stop moving. To be honest, Kakucho thinks that Shion probably can't do any of that. Mochi is just another idiot, with less energy than Shion, but the same amount of brains. The Haitani brothers are their own category. 'This two aren't just idiots. They are idiots and weirdos.'

Time passed and Kakucho still thinks the Haitanis are weirdos, but he actually likes having them around. They always show up with some expensive and extravagant gift, as if money is nothing to the rulers of Roppongi. Today they bring some delicious cakes, as always they remembered to buy a portion of Kakucho's favorite. He knows Ran is the one who paid attention to these tinny details, he can't help but act like a big brother.

But the cake is not the reason why Kakucho likes them. It's not the only reason, at least. No, Izana is the real reason. Every time the Haitani brothers are there the white haired boy looks happy. Of course, he doesn't show it, so sometimes he seems amused, entertained or even pissed off as if he's about to lose his already little patience. But Kakucho knows him better, he knows that Izana is happier when the weirdos are here. So before he realizes, the four of them are friends. Well, maybe one king and three friends.

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It's being a few months since the Kanto Incident. He doesn't know how many, because time stopped making any kind of sense for Kakucho since his reason to live disappeared. He didn't realize how much time had past until one day when he hears an annoying knock at his door. A really annoying knock that doesn't go away forcing him to open the damn door.

Of course, when he opens the door, the Haitani brothers are there. He should had know, but he really wasn't aware that they were already out.

“Kakuchooooo, I know you missed me, so stop making that grumpy face and be a good host!”

Ran looks exactly the same, still talks like he's teasing at you with every word. After all that time, he still brings cake, Kakucho's favorite.

“Come one, let us in already, I was about to pick the lock.”

Yeah, that's Rindou's way of showing that he was worried. Still the same weirdos. So obviously, he lets them in.

Before he understands what's going on, he's sitting at the table with one brother at each side of him, eating cake and talking nonsense. And he's smiling, even laughing at times with their most absurd anecdotes. The scene is so familiar, so comfortable, it's almost like nothing has changed. 'Almost.'

Kakucho doesn't know what happened, but suddenly finds himself unable to breath. He tries, he really tries, because he doesn't want to break in front of anyone. But they aren't just anyone, they have cake and comfort words “Breathe, it's ok Kakucho, we know” and “We're here now, you are not alone anymore”.

So he breaks, he let himself cry in front of these weirdos that share his pain, his lost. In front of what's left of his family, what's left of all that happiness that he doesn't even remember how it felt. He doesn't realize that all this time he has been gripping his necklace, the one with a hanafuda image that they know all too well. The one that used to be one of Izana's earrings.

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Kakucho would never know how they knew it. The Haitanis always seem to have a sixth sense or something, because they show up unannounced like they always did. The strange thing is that they seem to know that this time Izana is going to welcome them, without beatings or cruel words. They seem to sense that their king is starting to get better and he can't be more thankful, hoping that maybe this is what Izana needs.

He's not wrong, but he's also not right. Izana isn't quiet there most of the time, but at least he eats, talks and even has a smile sometimes. It's not he's real smile, his eyes don't show any emotions, it still looks unhinged. But even if it's a weird smile, he does it more when the brothers are there, so Kakucho thinks that's good. 'He just needs more time, that's all, this has to be a good sign, right? Yep, one day he will really smile again, I'm sure.'

Kakucho definitely likes having the Haitani brothers around. They are more than friends, they are family.

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Kakucho didn't want to follow South, he only have one king and he will never betray him. He ends up in Rokuhara after that monster beats the shit out of him, but that doesn't mean his loyal to that gang. He put his life ( and his heart ) in the hands of another man a long time ago.

It's actually much easier than he expected, being back in this live, the fights, the adrenaline. Maybe that is all he knows how to do or maybe he doesn't even care anymore, but this makes him feel a little bit more alive than spending day after day hiding in his apartment with only ghosts and a fish for company.

It's different with Mikey and so familiar at the same time that he feels on edge. Every time that he's in a Kanto Manji meeting he has to control himself or he would freak out ( unconsciously grasping his necklace trying to calm down ).

Looking at Mikey gets him deja-vu. Really bad deja-vu, if he has to be honest.

The invincible is falling, Kakucho can see him fall into the darkness, exactly as he saw before. That's what scares him most, that he already learned how this ends. But he can't run away ( even if sometimes that's all that he wants ). Kakucho can't run away because he knows, he doesn't know how he knows, but he knows Izana wouldn't want him to leave Mikey. Or maybe he's just projecting, trying to fix the past by fixing the present.

“You can't save him.”

Of course he has been noticing the look in the older Haitani's face, he's obviously worried, but he didn't expect that. He wasn't prepared for that.

“What?”

“You can't save Mikey, not from himself. Stop it, you need to start thinking about what do you want for a while.”

There is more, things that Ran never says, but Kakucho listens anyway. The unspoken words keep floating around them 'You can't save him, the same way that you couldn't save Izana.'

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At the beginning, Kakucho was happy of seeing Izana taking care of himself again. Starting to be open to people, to life, once more.

Now, he's just worried. Really worried. He realized that Izana's only motor is revenge, that he's getting really obsessed with Mikey. Izana is falling into darkness, a little bit more every day. His smiles are not real, his beautiful purple eyes never catch up with them. He looks deranged, completely unhinged every time that he starts talking about his revenge plans.

Kakucho knows that, but he'll follow him anyway. He'll follow Izana because he just wants to see him happy again and if this revenge is what it takes, he'll follow his king. Izana isn't drinking and sleeping all day anymore, so he hopes that maybe, he just needs time for smiling again. A real smile, like before. If Kakucho have to follow him to hell for being able to see this smile once more, he'll do it happily.

---------------------------------------

It's even worst the day that Rindou finally snaps, just before the battle with Toman 2nd Generation. They're alone, just trying to keep themselves entertained with some video game, trying very hard ( and failing ) not to think about tomorrow.

“Who do you think will die?”

It's just a whisper, so he wants to ignore it, pretending that he didn't hear it until he turns around and sees Rindou's face.

“No one, this time no one is going to die.”

He doesn't believe it, of course, not after watching how Mikey almost killed Takemichi of all people. But he's trying to comfort the other, and probably himself.

“You don't believe that, don't fuck with me!”

Then he realizes. Rindou fucking Haitani is panicking right now, he's having a panic attack and Kakucho doesn't know what to do. So he just keeps listening, hoping that helps. He's definitely not prepared for the next words.

“I... I've been having nightmares since that day, you know? What if... What if Ran tries to protect me like Izana did with you? What if... This time Ran... Shit, I can't even say it out loud, I'm fucking pathetic! But how am I supposed to keep living if that happen? How you keep living with that?”

Kakucho really, really doesn't want to answer that, but he's never seen the younger Haitani like this before, he knows he deserves an answer. He also knows that the only one he can give is not going to help.

“You don't.”

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Kakucho is dying. He knows he is dying, he knows that Sanzu's katana cut is too deep, that there is no way that he could survive this time. He's okay with the idea of his own death, he always thought that the last two years were a cruel and extra time.

But he can't, he can't die yet. Kakucho needs to stop this damn train, he needs to do it or a lot more people is going to die. Not just people, his friends. Shion, Mochi, Takemichi. Not just people, his family. Ran. Rindou. The last survivors of the broken family they had once. The last two people in this whole planet that still remember Izana with affection. Kakucho can't let this happen, he can't let them die without trying until his last breath.

That's when he sees him. Izana.

Izana is here, Kakucho can feel him, he can feel his warm presence by his side once again. He doesn't even have time to think what's happening, when he listens Izana's voice.

“You're still as reckless as ever. Well, that's what makes you, you.”

Izana smiles and puts his hand in top of Kakucho's own hand. He can feel Izana's strength going through his body.

“I'll help you out, Kakucho.”

Just like that, they are able to stop the train. Together, like they always should be. They did it, they saved their family. And now, Kakucho is finally letting go, allowing himself to die. He's not afraid anymore, he's just happy that he could see Izana one last time. He's dying, but he's dying with a warm smile. Kakucho is finally reunited with the love of his live.

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Kakucho never knew when he started to feel that for Izana. Maybe it was always there, maybe his feelings just changed and grew into something different at the same time that he was growing. But he could pinpoint without any doubt the exact moment when he realized that he was in love with his king.

The day that he saw him “better” again after Shinichiro's death. Izana just cut his hair and wanted to do a big entrance with his new Tenjiku's uniform. He was showing it to Kakucho, his arms opened and allowing him to see the whole view. His earrings dancing with him again every time he moved.

Kakucho knew it. Like and instant revelation, he felt that he just found the missing piece of a puzzle that he didn't even realized he was doing. Kakucho was doomed.

He wanted too much, he couldn't ask that from the older boy, but he still couldn't avoid it. He wouldn't ask, he'll keep following him until the end, just like always. He was sure that be by Izana's side will be enough. At that time, he thought this was the best decision, he still didn't knew that never confessing his feelings to Izana will be his last regret.

---------------------------------------

Kakucho opens his eyes, looking around and feeling completely disoriented. He's laying on a king size bed, the other side showing signs that some one was sleeping here too. He touches his chest, not understanding why there isn't a wound there. A scar, at least. But nothing.

Suddenly, he realizes that his necklace is not there. He's about to panic, thinking that he lost Izana's earring forever. Until he hears it, a soft voice calling his name. The sound of footsteps entering the room.

The scarred boy wants to punch himself, because this can't be. But he recognizes this voice, he would recognizes this particular footsteps anywhere.

“Kakucho? Are you awake or are you going to start acting like Ran and sleep forever?”

Izana enters the room, looking even more ethereal than ever. A smug face and playful tone. But he looks... Older. It's subtle, little details than some one who didn't know him as his servant does, wouldn't notice. But Kakucho does it. His king looks exactly like he kept growing up during the last two years.

“I-Izana? Are you real?”

Is just a whisper, he's too afraid that if he talks, he would break this illusion, this dream. But it's more than enough for Izana's face changes into one of worry, quickly sitting on the bed by Kakucho's side, a gentle hand on his forehead.

“Are you okay? You look sick... I can call Manjiro and tell him we can't go to the lunch this week.”

Izana's voice is so soft, his tone of concern so genuine, his warm hand on Kakucho's face so comforting... That he breaks. He starts crying like a little kid, hugging him, clinging onto him like his life depended on it (it does).

“Kakucho? Kakucho, look at me.”

A gentle touch on his chin forces him to look directly into Izana's eyes. An intense gaze staring directly at him, trying to analyze what the hell is happening. The hand moving softly to wipe his tears. But there's something in those violet eyes, something different. Like they had less walls, as if the usual storm that Kakucho always saw on them was calmer.

So, without even thinking about it, Kakucho just says the words. No more regrets.

"I love you, Izana.”

He whispers, before talking again, this time more firmly.

“I love you. So you can't die, because I love you. You have to promise to me that you'll not die."

Izana stares at him, a puzzled look on his face. 'Well, that's not the worst reaction ever, right?'

"I know that, idiot. We've been dating for almost a year now, you don't need to act so fucking intense about it. What the hell is wrong with you today?”

The words sound blunt, but there's so much affection behind them, that Kakucho just melts with it. Specially, when Izana ruffles his hair. A small gesture that says a lot more.

And that's when he finally gets it. This gesture, all the gentle touches, all the non-verbal things that his king is saying... They aren't new. It was always there. This was always Izana's love language. It was always there. But Kakucho never understood until now, because he never thought he deserved this love.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong, Izana.”

He answers, a bright smile on his face. Feeling lighter than ever. Of course, the older boy is not buying it, an interrogation look on his eyes. Kakucho just laughs at this, throwing his head like a little kid, unable to content so much happiness. So much life.

Until he looks through the windows and he sees it. It's starting to snow outside.

“It's snowing.”

Izana's whole expression changes with this words. His face lighting up with excitement. A genuine smile on it.

A real smile. One that makes Kakucho notices that this time, he can actually see the snow. The red is gone. Izana is there, holding his hand and smiling at him. Looking ethereal but at the same time, so real. So tangible. So alive.

The red is gone.

Izana is there.

The snow makes Kakucho happy again.

[itgr]

Early ROS season 3 Kodya thoughts (aka here's my excuse to ramble)

I'm only on episode 180. I have thoughts on a lot of things but rn I just wanna talk about Kodya?? Idk ever since we've seen him again in episode 159, he's been a lot more stoic and and standoffish than he used to be? (at least compared to his season 2 counterpart, which yeah he spent most of that outside his body but he wasn't this standoffish to Gyrus before). He's a lot more similar to his season 1 counterpart in some ways which I found interesting. Originally, I thought it would be a temporary thing just from the shock of seeing Gyrus again and recovering from the fact he genuinely thought they'd never meet again, but then he kind of stays that way and he's kind of snarky and defensive which I find interesting. I really like when characters are flawed or are tangibly impacted by things that have happened to them. Anyways here's like multiple reasons I headcanon (some of these are just straight up stated or heavily implied) there's such a big character shift (at least to me):

Um. Yeah he literally thought he'd never see his on and off boyfriend of several years who he literally fought so hard to keep around. That's going to fuck you up regardless of if it ended up not being true

^ Also I feel like losing Gyrus again definitely brought back some old pain and trauma from the time he, yknow, watched Gyrus lose himself over the course of years and eventually had to be the one to kill him ^^ so. YEAH (he has abandonment issues to me)

This is more of a minor point but we should talk about how fucky it would be to spend several years with people from the future and then be plopped back into your time period and expected to just. Keep existing like nothing happened and like you don't know at least hundreds of separate things and concepts that are, quite literally, ahead of your time

Look me in the eyes and tell me he didn't 100% face or see homophobia after returning to his time period. You know that would mess with him a bit (I find his defensiveness near Iro, while partially justified, really interesting? because it's the first time I can think of we get any implication that homophobia explicitly exists in the world of ROS <- which makes sense and it also makes sense to assume that the room of swords itself was probably pretty queer friendly because of the amount of different people there. Anyways Kodya's defensiveness near Iro just reads to me as someone anticipating homophobia because of firsthand experience with it)

Gyrus self deprecating about not as strong as Masiosare, who's essentially like if you took BB! Gyrus's inability to open up and ask for help and his tendencies to do morally fucked up shit for his version of the greater good and then maximised it(/hj), probably made Kodya feel worse. Like he already spent years watching Gyrus lose himself to those ideals and I feel like at this point, the amount of trust issues and general abandonment issues of having a partner who used to hide things from you constantly until it literally destroyed him, combined with that same partner now self deprecating and faintly implying he wants to be like that again, would 100% trigger the shit out of his trauma and probably make him feel like history's going to repeat itself

I don't know if this was intentional but (oversimplification) CPTSD symptoms tend to show up after the person's left whatever stressful environment they used to be in and it starts flaring up because the brain can't process or understand that its in a safe environment and is still in a very defensive protective mode even when it technically shouldn't be. Kodya's likely CPTSD from, yknow, EVERYTHING in the room of swords probably could've started flaring up because of the fact he finally managed to escape, which could also partially explain his mentioned thoughts of feeling cursed and like he'd never be happy before Gyrus showed up (it's a common thing to struggle to feel happy or safe after not having experienced either feeling for a long time)

In conclusion, Kodya Karevic is a well written mentally ill little guy who's literally done zero (0) wrong in his entire life/j. Jokes aside, I wanted an excuse to ramble and get my thoughts out and also just talk about how pleasantly surprising it is to have them actually acknowledge the flaws in Strawbarrow's relationship and show Kodya have tangible problems with trusting Gyrus again. Idk I really like how well and complexly they're written

[citrusuprising]

Alrighty it's been WAY too fucking long since I did one of these ask memes. Tagged by @bakumanfaces

1. Are you named after anyone?

So technically named after my mom (gave me her old middle name) but now it's MY middle name >:3

2. When was the last time you cried?

Three days ago?? At most four. I had a rough few months recently and uhhh still recovering.

3. Do you have kids?

Oh good Lord no I can barely take care of myself rn

4. What sport do you play/have played?

Uh I was in a Quadball team for a few weeks freshman year of college but other than that haven't really played sports since soccer as a kid.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

NOOOOO not at ALL

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Uhhh this is tough probably their frame? Like height, fat and muscle distribution, etc. WAIT ACTUALLY no it's hair but frame is a close second.

7. What's your eye color?

Green, slightly leaning towards Hazel

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings

9. Any talents?

I like to think I'm an okay cook. There's probably another thing but I can't think of it.

10. Where were you born?

Oakland, CA

11. What are your hobbies?

Video games, cooking, biking, sorting things into arbitrary categories (recently made a list of Pokemon based on their similarity to the meal/monster in every dunmeshi episode)

12. Do you have any pets?

No but my parents have two dogs I helped raise so I think they're worth mentioning.

13. How tall are you?

5'8"

14. Favorite subject in school?

Either Physics or Literature. Had good teachers for both. Found a lot of the analytical concepts for literature interesting and just had the mind to work through basic physics problems like fun puzzles.

15. Dream job?

Video game designer (literally in school for this shit) highly collaborative environment working with code with an eye towards artistic intentions (even if those intentions are just "have fun")

Told to tag 15 people, probably won't have that many but whatever. Hey @fandoms-will-collide @catboyfurina @mxchaoticgood @jermastar @rotten-spaceymage @empidonax @alvi @renegadeofficial @scareoset @raffaellosanziodaurbino @itsjesscapade @elliegoose (actually surprised I got it to 12)

Again no pressure to respond! Thanks again @bakumanfaces !!