And that’s the thing… I don’t hate you
I sit here and think about all the conversations had, and the constant chatter of we’ve gotta do this or we’ve gotta do that. We need to work on this just like any type of relationship that comes into your life and it’s never made a difference. Empty words and actions from both parties. And that’s okay. Sometimes we’ve got to let things go so we can grow and become more of ourselves without having the fallback of others. I’ve made peace with that, was it easy hell no, but needed. I’ll never hate those who’ve come into my for long periods of times or even the ones who’ve made huge impacts within a short period of time. Mourning friendships isn’t anything new, and it’s not something that you get used to, it’s sticks with; like a paper cut. You know the ones you get but don’t know you have until you wash your hands or use hand sanitizer and that stinging feeling sets in. Rambling get to the point… basically it’s like you sort of know it’s there but don’t constantly feel it unless a memory pops up or a song you used to sing all the time plays, you know like something triggers it. A short ramble after years🤷🏻♀️
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If I lose my friends, that's alright, if I lose the past relationships, that's alright too, and anyways we were meant to be alone anyways. Isn't it ? I don't know, it will definately hurt at one point to miss my best friend who was my best friend from the 5th grade, but what's even more terrible is the fact that she might not miss me as much as I am going to miss her. May she gets the best of what she desiers, and let me have my own piece of peace.
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I have a complicated history with relationships, not only romantic ones. Semi-recently, I lost three friendships that were years long. I'd say no one is really at fault for any of them; they mostly fizzled out as we struggled at the same time. It sucks, though, knowing they can exist without me. I wonder if they think about me and the loss of my friendship the way I mourn them.
Everyone tells me the same thing, "it's water under the bridge." They want me to move on, and I get that. I just can't seem to, though. I finally deleted them as contacts today. I'm glad I won't have to see them in my old messages anymore, I think. It takes time to move on. Time and willpower. As I get better, I've found it easier to accept the reality that they're gone, though they're around. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I made this playlist with music I found relatable. This playlist is for people who have lost a relationship but still see the person around or think of them. It's not necessarily an "I want you to come back" playlist; it's just one that mourns the relationship that used to exist. Sometimes, relationships are meant to end, even if you mourn the loss. Things are ever-changing. Nothing stays the same. But, sometimes, God, I wish they did.
I hope you find someone who will support you through any rough patches or good times that you may have. Please reach out to me if you'd like to talk or have any song recommendations for the playlist.
*I found the art on Pinterest
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Marteling…
Ik ben genaaid, hè? Ik kom nooit over haar heen. Elke dag loop ik naar binnen in het vertrouwen dat dit de dag zal zijn, maar dan zie ik haar en het is gewoon ugh-fuck. Haar glimlach is zo warm en oprecht. Haar ogen knipperen een beetje aan de randen. Het is alsof je recht naar de zon kijkt. Zo mooi en helder. Betoverend maar pijnlijk. Hoe stop ik deze marteling?
Van. Mij.
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With Faith of the Heart a 'Patch' is included
'With Faith of the Heart a 'Patch' is included' I just had to look harder.
#faith #healing #understanding #loveyourself #AgnieszkaRdesinska therapy #therapist #healingjourney #breakup #lostfriendships #ghosting #mystory #writer #writerscommunity #love
More with Agnes
Friend and Therapist, Agnieszka Rdesinska and I had been passing notes back and forth throughout Saturday and although I hadn’t planned on penning this now, the more I thought about it, the greater the need became while my thoughts were fresh and clear.
Agnieszka Rdesinska; RTT hypnotherapist and NLP Coach
‘Patch’ Rdesinska
Agnes, as she prefers, may have just earned a new…
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“Taking these bullet wounds from everybody else…[but] I expected better from you. And it cut so much deeper from you…”
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I don’t get it, I don’t get how some people can say that I’m their best friend and that they love me but then make me feel like their last choice. I don’t get how they make me feel like I need to make a reservation to hang out with them alone. I don’t get why I keep chasing after those friends and I don’t get why people can get so close to me then just drop me instantly. I don’t get why they won’t even give me the time of day or why they won’t tell me what I did wrong. I don’t get how someone can change their hearts and minds about me so quickly, but most of all I don’t get why I cant get over them or the pain they left me with when they seemed to get over me so quickly.
Bookofmythoughtsandfeelings
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,,It breaks my heart. Knowing you for years but i never hugged you right. All these days i never thought we would end up like this, i never thought i won’t be able to hug you again. I couldve said and done more than that, but i never knew it will end up like this. I would’ve tell you often that i love you but i never knew it will end up like this. I never knew how much i would miss you or think about you if i lost you i just knew that i would be broken. We’re not like that anymore and now i know how it feels, it’s more than feeling sad. It’s like you have a hole in your heart because someone been ripped out of it, it’s like you can’t stop thinking about this person even if u want to, you see her in your dreams and in your head, you keep wishing you could go back in time, not only to change some things but also live those wonderful memories again, to have the laughs again,to have late night talks again,the karaoke, the pictures,the trips,the jokes,the sleepovers,the stories,the music, all of it back. When someone becomes a part of your family, when you don’t name this person a friend,a good friend or even a best friend but a sister, that’s when you know how much you love and care for this person because you consider her your blood even if you don’t have the same one. I never had this before, i’ve been sad over lost friendships but never considered one a part of my family where i share everything with. I miss this person so much that when i see her in my dreams hugging me i start crying because of how real this feels. I only know one thing, this fc*ed up my whole life and i will never ever forget it*
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This is a collection of songs, telling a story of a lost friendship.
(Songs he sent to me/I’ve sent to him)
Him:
“Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed,
I thought that you would always be here
But you have chosen a different road
Why wasn’t I able to convey to you?
My feelings that were growing everyday and night
The words begin to overflow
But I know they won’t reach you now
From the first day that I met you
I felt like I knew you
And the two of us melded together so naturally
Wherever we would go, it would be together
It was so natural for you to be with me
Today, the day that holds a special meaning
The day that you stood with a smile of happiness
Praying to God in your beautiful appearance
With the person next to you who isn’t me
The image of you receiving blessings
How could I just stand aside and watch
So why did I end up falling for you?
I just pray that you will be happy forever
No matter how lonely that makes me”
the day i broke up with the other guy & took a 5 hour drive to him......
the song that played as we first kissed, me, sad & confused, not stopping him:
Don't look down, don't look back, I am beside you
Close your eyes, know I'm here
I know it's hard to let go all that defines you
You feel like you'll never be whole again
We will find a way to erase the past
Stay with me, stay with me
In my arms you'll be fine, I'll never let go
All you've lost will come again, just stay here with me
Never look back, never again, it's over
Everything ends here in my arms
Don't give in, don't let your memories break you
Let me take you away from here
We will find a way to make this last
Stay with me, stay with me
In my arms you'll be fine, I'll never let go
It didnt last for long. Him, heartbroken:
When I walked you back home, it was the house of another guy
I felt like you always walked a bit farther from me when there were a lot of people
What went wrong? you turn away from me
I can’t hide my frustrated heart
I’m so tired of me always being the clingy one
Because to me, it was always you – I always trusted you
So every night it’s lonely, miserable, tiring
I will leave for you so I will get to hate you
Now I won’t cling onto you anymore
I’m gonna be better – it’s better if I’m not here
You make me go insane
You give me so much pain
I wanna hate you
Although it’s hard to let you go without regret
Me, heartbroken:
When we first met I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow
And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
'Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it's not meant to be
I gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you
And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
Him:
I'm a broken man, I'm full of sin
I'm sick of all this hell that I'm livin' in
I can't escape it – this is how it feels
When you try to numb the pain with a thousand pills
You tore me down and wished that I was dead
Said you wanna sleep alone in another bed
But when I push you away, you only pull me closer
It's only over when we both wanna say it's over
I gotta change – this is not who I am
I wanna start over, wanna try this again
You're everything I need, everything I'm not
So pull the trigger give me one more shot
Me:
You love me You hate me
You kiss me You break me
You lifted me up just to watch as you dropped me
You promised me – looked me straight in the eyes
No matter what you say – I don't know the truth from the lies
I held you up like I always do
I forgave you for your sins and I carried you through
But no matter how hard we fall
We always knew
You will bleed for me, and I will bleed for you
.......
You know I can't make this thing that official
Believe we had a great night but I ain't the type to tell you that I miss you n’ shit
You don't like that I make this easy, leaving
After ***** on the floor
I know you need me, like I need you
But I'm not the one you wanna love
Me, slowly falling in love with him, (this time, one-sided):
Do I imagine it, or do I see your stare?
Is there still longing there?
I hate myself, and I feel crazy
Such a classic tale
Current girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, I’m trying to be cool
Am I being paranoid? Am I seeing things? Am I just insecure?
I want to believe
It’s just you and me
Sometimes it feels like there’s three of us in here
So I wait for you to call
And I try to act natural
Have you been thinking ’bout her or about me?
And while I wait I put on my perfume,
Yeah, I want it all over you
I'm gonna mark my territory
I wanna fill the room when she’s in it with you
Please don’t forget me
Me/Him, through the years:
Even with my eyes closed
The light that shined us is still there
I will keep our precious memories deep inside
Even if pain comes along with the days
The days we promised eternal love
I will never forget those moments
Even if I walk this road by myself for a bit
Lean on in
Let me tell you that you're beautiful
The only one I see in the room
I wanna taste your skin
Take your time
I wanna cross some lines
I want you
Pull me in, I feel alive when I'm with you
Can't deny there's something in the way that you move
Skin on skin
Breathing out, breathing in
Take my life
Give me passage to a higher place
And let me stay there forever
You upset me,
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget
That I was upset
Can't remember what you did
But I hate it
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long
But I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss
And fight no mor
Said I despise that I adore you
I can't stand how much I need you
And you completely know the power that you have
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So, you'll probably always have a spell on me
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➕Mauerpark.
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kontrastkuss 8️⃣Why the past should stay the past.
I spent so many hours in Mauerpark but I remember only a few of them. Hours with friends who are already gone - they still do exist but not in my heart anymore. WE had good times of course: sleepless nights, warm ups before we rocked the night clubs, never ending conversations about nothing… and then we lost it. There came a moment when everything changed, we changed and somehow we tore apart like tracing paper. I’m not sad but I’m pleased having met them, to have had them in my life and make my daily business a bit more pleasant and exciting. We are growing everyday by making new decisions which might impact us so hard that we have to change. Change is nothing to be afraid of. It pushes us to our limits and let’s us know how strong we are and can be. So let the past be the past and look forward into our bright future. This is for my lost friends. … ❌⭕️❌⭕️
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Deutsche Version
kontrastkuss 8️⃣Warum die Vergangenheit die Vergangenheit bleiben sollte? Wie viele Stunden habe ich nicht im Mauerpark verbracht aber an wirklich alle erinnere ich mich nicht. Es waren etliche Stunden, die ich mit Freunden verbrachte, die es jetzt nicht mehr gibt - sie leben noch aber ich trage sie nicht mehr in meinem Herzen. Natürlich haben wir viele Stunden damit zugebracht, die Nächte durchzumachen, um für die beste Clubnacht des Jahres vorzuglühen oder über Allewelt zu reden… aber dann war es plötzlich vorbei. Irgendetwas hat sich von einem Augenblick zum nächsten verändert, wir haben uns verändert. Ich bin nicht traurig deswegen, sondern glücklich, diese Menschen getroffen zu haben. Menschen, die mich zum Lachen brachten und das Leben einfacher machten. Wir wachsen jeden Tag ein Stückchen mehr an Herausforderungen, müssen uns mit Veränderungen auseinandersetzen, was nichts schlimmes ist. Veränderung zeigt uns erst, wie stark wir sind und sein können. Schaut nicht zurück, sondern in die Zukunft. Diesen Text widme ich allen, die aus mein Leben getreten sind. ❌⭕️❌⭕️
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#kontrastkuss #reisefotografie #reisenfuerweltentdecker #travelphotography #travelblogger #hdr_lovers #hdrstyles #hdr #blackandwhite #schwarzweiss #past #throwback #mauerpark #berlin #mytinyatlas #mytinymoment #passionpassport #deepthoughts #friends #lostfriendships #future (hier: Mauerpark)
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Once upon a time, I had you
No, it's not a love story but a story of love that's lost. Let me tell them ours. When I had you.
I still have the moments buried inside my heart. I seem to cannot forget it anyway. What I could not remember was the reason why we came to this point.
We always have each other’s back. We knew each other so much. You knew my dreams. My wants. My favorites. From what color is best for me to what is not okay. No one could break what we have or at least that's what we once thought 'cause now, it seems we lost it. Neither of us knew it will happen. I did not see this coming. The promise of forever has gone. After you, no one attempted to know the little things about me. After you, I had no one to call mine.
There was no misunderstanding. No arguments. We just stopped talking until we seem to grew separately. Well, maybe that's just it. We grew apart. We got overwhelmed to the new world that we've discovered. The world without each other and i am here. Stuck in wonder. I woke up without you in my life anymore. your hands slipped away from mine without me noticing but don’t get me wrong. I am not mad at you. It just saddened me knowing things are a lot different and we can never be the same old us and God knows how bad I miss the times when I could still lean on your shoulder to recharge. My heart breaks whenever I remember us. Whenever memories slip in my mind, but know that until this day you will always be my first favorite person and if the universe will take me back to where we first promised to be the best buds forever, I’d definitely let myself go back on that very moment. I am not sure if you would but I hope you’d want that too.
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Evening Emotions
On quite evenings when my thoughts are the loudest, is when I think of you most. But who are you? Where are you? Why did you leave? The capsule that once held you is gone, but I constantly hear you. Starry nights when the wind whispers is when I hear you the clearest. The constant giggle of joy and laughter. The warmth you gave wherever you were, the reassurance that I wasn’t alone. The motivating pep talks when I was over it and didn’t want to continue. I think of the places we once stood together and have to automatically smile, those careless nights that often times led to riveting conversations. When high fives ended in long hugs, that would melt away any stressful feeling or thought I had in the moment. Scrapped knees, bruised elbows, running wild through the concrete jungle. Comfortable silence. When the moon is full and the breeze bashfully paints my nose red that’s when I miss you the most.
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I remember the smile, that could lit up the darkest of the night.
Now it barely reaches your eyes.
I remember the lightness of you heart,
The skip in your step.
Now darkness has grown and the light dimmed.
I knew your dreams, your ambitions
Now, it seems you just wanna survive.
We used to be friend,the other halves.
Now we are strangers.
Two more people lost in the cannals of time.
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"Bullied" Part #1 #bullied #bully #stories #suicide #suiciderate #suicidal #death #dead #chatstory #chats #mystery #thriller #mysterious #friendship #peerpressure #peer #pressure #losingafriend #lostfriendship #girls #agirl #instagramstories #instastories #creativity #writersofinstagram #writingcommunity #ttt #ttccommunity #terribletinytales #tttstories #tinytales #part1 #partone #shocking #video #cover #munziewriteups https://www.instagram.com/p/BxDf0QhH46x/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1m2v94dnz9grq
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How sad is this feeling when you had your best friend ever, you could talk with him every night late, about everything, you were the best soulmates on the world. And you lost him. You just stopped talk with each other, without any known reason.
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🎶These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years...🎶 #rockstar #evenescence #myimmortal #emo #emogirl #metalcore #heavymetal #rockmusic #rockband #rocknroll #screamo #lostfriendship #stillalive #stillinshock #stillinpain #growingstrong #selflove #music #musicsaveslives #hitsclosetohome P.s. out of everyone in my life your the last one I ever expected to backstab me. Please don't think I'll come back around this time. You finally found out what my breaking point was. Have a good life. And good luck https://www.instagram.com/p/BrCVcbMh1pu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fqt4zdam6jc3
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