#lost in space 44

[prokopetz]

Your long and arduous journey has led you to this, the final confrontation. You thought you knew what to expect, but just as you struck the final blow, your ultimate foe's eyes gleamed with unnatural light as they proclaimed…

THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM

A game for 4–6 players

Introduction

This Isn't Even My Final Form is a GMless tactical minigame for 4–6 players. You'll take on the roles of a party of heroic adventurers nearing the end of a world-spanning quest to defeat a great evil, the Final Boss. Unfortunately for them, each time they think they've won, the Final Boss assumes a new, even more horrifying form, and the struggle begins anew. Is there any end to this conflict? There's only one way to find out!

What You'll Need

This Isn't Even My Final Form requires a dozen six-sided dice, as well as a way of keeping track of a few important numbers – a shared text document or some scrap paper will suffice.

Update 2023-10-30: Print-and-play card decks are available here:

http://penguinking.com/this-isnt-even-my-final-form/

Character Creation

Choose two of the following actions to be your Party Member's Class Actions: Strike, Heal, Buff, Debuff. If you'd rather determine this randomly, roll on the following table.

1. Strike, Heal 2. Strike, Buff 3. Strike, Debuff 4. Heal, Buff 5. Heal, Debuff 6. Buff, Debuff

Give your Party Member's Class a name which suits your Class Actions. Also give your Party Member a name; it is traditional but not obligatory for your Party Member's name to have exactly five letters.

Playing the Game

Play is divided into a series of Phases. During each Phase, one player takes on the role of the Final Boss. That player's Party Member does not participate in this Phase; they're trapped, lost, incapacitated, or otherwise separated from the party or unable to act for the duration of the Phase. All other players take on the roles of their Party Members.

The Final Boss player's first order of business is to describe what the current Phase looks like. The Final Boss player can roll 1–3 times on the following table (re-rolling duplicates) to decide on a theme, or use it as inspiration for their own theme. To use this table, roll a six-sided die twice, treating the first roll as the "tens" place and the second roll as the "ones" place, yielding a number in the range from 11 to 66.

11. Beasts 12. Bells 13. Blood 14. Bones 15. Chains 16. Chaos 21. Cubes 22. Eyes 23. Fire 24. Flowers 25. Food 26. Games 31. Gears 32. Glass 33. Gold 34. Hands 35. Holes 36. Ice 41. Iron 42. Light 43. Mazes 44. Meat 45. Mirrors 46. Music 51. Orbs 52. Order 53. Plague 54. Shadow 55. Slime 56. Space 61. Spikes 62. Teeth 63. Time 64. Trees 65. Weapons 66. Wings

Once the Phase has been defined, set the party's Momentum to zero. Momentum is a value which will increase or decrease over the course of the Phase; it has a minimum value of zero, and no particular upper limit.

Play proceeds in a series of rounds, as follows.

The Final Boss Attacks

The Final Boss always goes first in each round. Roll one die:

1–3: The Final Boss chooses one of the following actions. 4–5: The Final Boss chooses two of the following actions. You may not target the same Party Member twice; however, you may use the same action on two different Party Members if you wish. 6: The Final Boss does nothing this round. On its turn next round, it does not roll and instead uses its Ultimate Attack.

Wound: Inflict the Critical Condition on a single Party Member. If the chosen Party Member already has the Critical Condition, it's replaced with the Down Condition and the party loses one Momentum.

Imprecate: Inflict the Cursed Condition on a single Party Member.

Envenom: Inflict the Poisoned Condition on a single Party Member.

Bewilder: Inflict the Confused Condition on a single Party Member.

Counter: If you're targeted by the Strike or Debuff actions this round, after resolving that action, perform the Wound action on the Party Member who targeted you. You may counter any number of actions in this way.

Dispel: Remove the Buffed and Protected Conditions from any number of Party Members.

Enrage: The Final Boss rolls two dice and takes the better result on its next action. The party may cancel this benefit with a successful Debuff action; doing so removes the extra die instead of forcing the Final Boss to roll twice and take the lower result.

Ultimate Attack: This action can only be chosen by rolling a 6 during the previous round. When the Final Boss uses this action, choose Cursed, Poisoned, or Confused: you may perform the Wound action AND inflict the chosen Condition upon any number of Party Members, in that order. (i.e., Wound each targeted Party Member, THEN Curse/Confuse/Poison any who remain standing.)

The Final Boss player describes the outcome of the chosen action(s) in as much or as little detail as they like; control then passes to the other players.

The Party Acts

After the Final Boss has attacked, each Party Member who doesn't have the Down condition chooses one of the following actions, in any order the players wish. After choosing any action other than Defend, the player rolls their dice pool, which is a handful of six-sided dice constructed as follows:

Start with a number of dice equal to the party's current Momentum (initially zero, though it will grow over the course of the Phase)

Add one die if you're performing one of your Party Member's Class Actions

Add one die if your Party Member currently has the Buffed Condition

Add one die if your Party Member currently has the Critical Condition

Roll all of the dice together, and find the highest result. Ties for the highest result have no special significance; for example, if you rolled four dice and got 1, 3, 5 and 5, your result is 5. If you'd ever end up with zero or fewer dice for any reason – either because your dice pool was empty to begin with, or because some effect obliged you to discard every die you rolled – you receive an automatic result of 1.

If an action requires you to target a specific Party Member or make other choices, you can wait and see the result of your roll before making those decisions.

Strike: You attack the Final Boss. Roll your dice pool:

1–3: Nothing happens – either the attack misses, or the Final Boss turns out to be immune to whatever you just did. 4–5: The attack strikes true. The party gains one Momentum. 6: Critical hit! The party gains two Momentum.

Special: If you roll triples or better (i.e., at least three of the same number) on a Strike action, the Final Boss' current Phase is defeated, and you move on to the next Phase. It doesn't matter what number comes up triples.

Heal: You attempt to restore the party's strength. Roll your dice pool:

1–3: You may remove the Critical Condition from a single Party Member. If no Party Member has the Critical Condition, nothing happens. 4–5: You may remove the Critical Condition from any number of party members OR you may remove the Down Condition from a single Party Member. 6: You may remove the Critical and Down Conditions from any number of party members.

Buff: You attempt to bolster a party member. Roll your dice pool:

1–3: You may grant the Buffed Condition to a single Party Member OR remove a Condition of your choice other than Critical or Down from a single Party Member. 4–5: You may grant the Buffed Condition to a single Party Member AND remove a Condition of your choice other than Critical or Down from that Party Member, if they have one. 6: You may grant the Buffed Condition OR remove a Condition of your choice other than Critical or Down to any number of Party Members. You may choose a different option for each targeted Party Member.

Debuff: You attempt to weaken the Final Boss. Roll your dice pool:

1-3: Nothing happens – it turns out the Final Boss was immune to that effect. 4–5: The Final Boss rolls two dice and takes the lower result on its next action. 6: The Final Boss rolls two dice and takes the lower result on its next action AND the party gains one Momentum.

Defend: You may grant the Protected condition to a Party Member of your choice. Do not roll.

Based on the outcome of your roll (if applicable), describe the outcome of your action in as much or as little detail as you wish.

Once each Party Member has acted, return to "The Final Boss Attacks" to begin the next round.

Ending the Phase

As noted above, rolling triples or better on a Strike action results in the immediate defeat of the current Phase. Alternatively, if all Party Members simultaneously have the Down Condition, the Final Boss player's Party Member suddenly breaks free or arrives on the scene and rescues everyone in a stunning deus ex machina; this also ends the Phase, but does not count as defeating it.

In either case, reset the party's momentum to zero, remove all Conditions, and move on to the next Phase. The role of the Final Boss passes to a different player, with preference given to those who haven't yet had a chance to be the Final Boss; the previous Final Boss player resumes playing their Party Member.

Continue until the party has defeated a number of Phases at least equal to the number of players, or until mutual agreement has been reached that all this has gone on quite long enough.

Conditions

Some actions can impose Conditions upon the individual Party Members. Conditions can be positive or negative, and last until specific conditions for their removal are met.

Buffed: Your strength has been boosted. When rolling your dice pool, you roll one extra die.

Confused: You've lost your wits. When the party acts, your action is determined by rolling a d6 – 1: Strike; 2: Heal; 3: Buff; 4: Debuff; 5: Defend; 6: do nothing this round AND remove this Condition. This Condition is also removed if you gain the Critical Condition while under its effects. You may choose targets normally if the rolled action requires them. Confused Party Members always act before their un-Confused peers; if there are multiple Confused Party Members, the Final Boss decides the order in which they act.

Critical: You are badly wounded. Desperation lends strength, and so this Condition adds one extra die to your dice pools; however, if you suffer the Critical Condition a second time, it becomes the Down Condition instead.

Cursed: You've been afflicted with misfortune. Discard your highest result after rolling your dice pool, but before applying your chosen action's effects. If there's a tie for the highest result, discard all of them; for example, if you roll four dice while Cursed and get 1, 3, 5 and 5, your result is 3. If the Condition causes you to discard your only set of triples of better on a Strike action, the Phase does not end.

Down: You are incapacitated by injury or foul enchantment. When the party acts, you may not choose an action; your action remains lost even if this Condition is removed before the end of the round. When you gain this Condition, remove all other Conditions, and the party loses one Momentum. (This is not in addition to the Momentum loss noted by effects which inflict this Condition – those are just reminders.) You may not gain other Conditions while this one persists.

Poisoned: You're afflicted by a poison, plague, or death-curse. If you have the Poisoned Condition after resolving your action for the round, you gain the Critical Condition. If you already have the Critical Condition, you instead gain the Down Condition, and the party loses one Momentum.

Protected: The next time you would gain any Condition other than Buffed, remove this Condition instead. You also remove this Condition if you take any action other than Defend on your turn.

[daisymbin]

No.44 fluffy prompt for cheol please? 🍒

Tysm! <3

(it's me again) 🐱🐱

ofc lovely!!! thank you for coming back and sorry this took so long :(

full prompt list!

check out my masterlist! // cheol's m.list

fluff prompt #44: "let’s stay up all night talking, just like we used to."

seungcheol’s fingers tapped idly on the edge of the kitchen counter as you rummaged through the fridge, searching for something to snack on before getting ready. he hadn’t said much all afternoon, but you could feel the weight of his gaze lingering on you.

“you’re quiet,” you said, glancing over your shoulder with a small smile. “what’s on your mind?”

he shrugged, but his eyes softened as they met yours. “just thinking.”

you raised a brow, closing the fridge and leaning against the counter opposite him. “what about?”

he hesitated, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before flickering back to yours. “about how much i miss you.”

your smile faltered, replaced by a slight frown. “but cheol, we’ve been together all week.”

“not like that,” he said, shaking his head. “we’ve been around each other all week, sure. but it’s been... noisy, you know? dinners, lunches, birthdays, plans. i feel like we haven’t had a second to just... be us.”

his words struck something deep in your chest, guilt creeping in as you realized he wasn’t wrong. lately, every moment together had been filled with conversations about work, friends, and family—but not each other. you hadn’t realized how much you’d missed your quiet moments with him until now.

“we’ll have time soon, maybe tomorrow?” you offered, though the words felt like a flimsy attempt at reassurance.

he pushed off the counter, closing the small space between you. his hands found your waist, anchoring you in place as he looked down at you, his expression both serious and tender. “maybe tomorrow? why not tonight?”

you blinked up at him, surprised. “tonight? but we have bowling plans with jeonghan and mingyu.”

his lips curved into a soft smile, and he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “they’ll survive if we cancel. i just want to be with you.”

the sincerity in his voice made your heart ache in the best way. you reached up, letting your fingers lightly brush against his jaw. “are you sure? jeonghan’s going to complain so much for bailing last minute, you know how he hates thay.”

he chuckled, leaning into your touch. “let him. he should be used to it by now.”

you laughed, shaking your head. “you’re really set on this, huh?”

hmm, he hummed without hesitation. “let’s stay up all night talking, just like we used to. no interruptions, no distractions—just us.”

the way he looked at you, like you were the only person in the world, made it impossible to say no. you nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. “okay. let’s do that. but i'm not calling him, you do it.”

he grinned, the weight in his eyes lifting as he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead. “perfect. i’ll call jeonghan.”

“good luck with that,” you teased, watching as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

you listened as he explained the change of plans, half-expecting jeonghan to give him a hard time. and of course, he did—but seungcheol stood firm, his tone light yet unwavering as he apologized and promised to reschedule.

when he hung up, he turned back to you with a triumphant smile. “and that’s how it’s done.”

you rolled your eyes, but your laugh betrayed you. “you’re lucky he loves you.”

“i’m lucky you love me,” he corrected, pulling you into his arms.

the rest of the evening unfolded like something out of a dream. you sprawled out on the couch together, legs tangled as you talked about everything and nothing—work, dreams, and the little moments that had made you both smile recently.

“so,” he said suddenly, tilting his head to look at you, “what books have you been reading lately?”

you blinked, caught off guard by the question. “books? that’s random.”

he grinned, his dimples making an appearance. “i’m curious. you always get so lost in them, but i never know what you’re reading about.”

you laughed, leaning your head against his shoulder. “okay, fine. i just finished a romance novel last week. it was cute.”

he raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. “cute? should i be worried about some fictional guy stealing your heart? again?”

“maybe,” you teased back, poking his side. “but don’t worry—you’re still my number one.”

“good,” he said, wrapping his arm around you. “because i don’t plan on giving up that spot anytime soon.”

you smiled, warmth spreading through your chest.

“what else?” he asked. “any weird dreams lately? new songs stuck in your head? tell me everything.”

you laughed, shaking your head. “you’re really digging for the most random things, huh?”

“i just want to know what’s been on your mind,” he said, his tone softer now. “i feel like i’ve missed so much lately.”

your heart ached at the sincerity in his voice, and you reached up to cup his cheek. “you haven’t missed anything important. i promise.”

“everything about you is important,” he murmured, his gaze locking with yours.

as the hours slipped away, you found yourself talking about everything & it felt like no time had passed since those late nights you used to share.

“i forgot how much i missed this,” you murmured, your head resting on his chest.

“i'm glad i didnt,” he teased, his voice tinged with contentment.

you tilted your head up to look at him, catching the soft smile that lingered on his lips. “cheol?”

“hmm?”

“thank you.”

his brows furrowed slightly. “for what?”

“for reminding me how important this is. us.”

his expression softened, and he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. “you don’t have to thank me for that. you’re my person. i’ll always make time for you.”

you smiled, snuggling closer to him as his words wrapped around you like a warm hug. “i love you.”

“i love you more,” he whispered, his lips brushing against your hair.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Start Again (Honkai: Star Rail Short Fic)

Tingyun (Fugue) x Reader

It's 2am as of writing, I get up at 7 for work, but I refuse to sleep until this brainworm has left. Burn by FLOW and many Gundam Unicorn songs inspired this piece. Post edit note: IT'S 3:44 AM BUT THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT Content: Angst to Comfort(Considering the circumstances, anyway) Word Count: 1.6k Apologies if this is OOC, the brainrot was VICIOUS

Fugue's dreams have led her here again. Sitting at a familiar setting, with a familiar face by her side.

It takes her a moment or two to recall where exactly she is. The...Earl?

The exact name escapes her, but she knows the feelings it brings her. Comfort, yet sadness. She knows returning there on the Loufou will not be as it once was.

But the person next to her smiling? The one holding her hand, failing to contain a laughter that instantly makes her at ease? She could never forget your name.

And yet in this instance, your lips move, but no sound comes out. The only noise that she can hear is her own breathing, one that grows ragged with every second she looks at you.

Her hands squeeze yours back without her input, feeling her own lips move. But just like you, she says yet another line lost to time, and still your eyes glimmer with such excitement.

What promises had she made to you back then?

What promises will she not be able to keep?

Just as Fugue had gotten bearings of her surroundings, the dream seems to fragment yet again, as her vision fades into darkness.

...

Fugue's eyes rapidly blink, forcing her daze out and focusing back on the present. She can see the reflection of herself on the glass, half expecting to see her past appearance.

She was aboard the Astral Express, staring out into the stars again. Fugue continued only for a few seconds longer before realizing that she wasn't alone in the car, with the Trailblazer standing behind her.

(Fugue) "Oh, Benefactor! My apologies, I didn't know you were standing there."

Fugue smiled with a hand over her chest, though the pain from the memory had yet to fade. Something that was all too evident, apparently.

(Caelus) "Are you okay? You're crying."

Fugue's hand immediately reached for the corner of her eyes, finally feeling the trickle that was building up, and with a sigh she let her hand drop back down to her waist.

(Fugue) "...Would you mind indulging in a question of mine?"

The Trailblazer leaned against the glass next to her, crossing his arms as he gave a thoughtful nod.

(Caelus) "Ask away."

Fugue turned back around to face the stars, trying to compose herself and find the proper way to ask Caelus a nagging thought of hers. Before, she could have easily found away to articulate her thoughts, but alas that was yet another part of her taken.

Her eyes drifted along the rim of the windows, eventually staring out into space again.

(Fugue) "What would be the first thing you would say to someone who thought you were gone forever? Someone who loved you more than anything else?"

Fugue didn't hear a response from him, not for a little while. When it was clear that was her only question, Caelus eventually sighed and gave her an answer.

(Caelus) "I guess...Hey."

...Hey?

That was it?!

Fugue immediately turned her attention back to Caelus, who was now awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck at her sudden frown.

(Fugue) "That is wildly inappropriate! How can the first thing I say to them just be a simple greeting?!"

Caelus's lips curled into a smile, moments away from saying something either witty or irritating, only to stop at the last second as his expression became serious again.

(Caelus) "You remember (Y/N)?"

(Fugue) "...So you've met them too."

Caelus nodded, motioning towards the nearby couch for them to sit down. After they had gotten comfortable, he leaned forward with both his hands clasped together.

(Caelus) "Only a few times, when they were with...-"

Fugue suddenly felt it hard to breathe, imagining the pain you must have felt realizing the person you loved was actually a monster wearing their skin, thinking that you would never see them again.

Caelus's next response immediately snapped Fugue out of her reverie.

(Caelus) "-...They still love you, Fugue."

She said nothing, taking a moment for his words to settle in.

(Caelus) "If I saw someone again after a long time, anything they'd say would be of some comfort. At least, that's the way I see it."

Fugue looked again towards the stars, but this time her reflection in the glass seemed all the harder to ignore.

(Caelus) "That's why I think a greeting is a way to start again. The best way? Probably not but...It's better than nothing, or just leaving them alone."

Fugue's gaze eventually trailed down to her own hand, her tail slowly swishing to her side.

(Fugue) "...Even when the person they loved is no longer the same?"

Caelus leaned back into the seat, staring out into the stars with his friend.

(Caelus) "Even then."

...

You decided that it'd be a good time to take a small break, and relax on a nearby bench, hearing the distant hum of starskiffs from above.

This was a quieter part of the Loufou, though it could never become entirely silent. Regardless, it always helped calm you down, at least somewhat, when your mind began to race again.

Truth be told, you wish you could be busy to keep your mind off things. Even though almost an entire year had passed since the funeral, your mind still couldn't help but think about Tingyun.

Sighing, you began to move off the bench when a familiar voice called out to you.

(???) "H-Hello, (Y/N)..."

Your swore your heart stopped for a moment or two as your body quickly swiveled to the person you swore was-

(Y/N) "Tingyun...?"

The woman in front of you looked almost exactly like your now dead girlfriend. Though her hair was longer, the clothing darker-The details differed ever so slightly, but you were sure.

That's Tingyun in front of you right now.

You wanted to reach out and hug her, to start crying on the spot and begin shouting to the skies how much you missed her. And yet...

Her eyes. Her eyes that once held such warmth for you alone, no longer sparkled in that same way. As if...she were talking to a stranger.

What seemed like a small eternity had passed before she sighed, sitting at the bench beside you, though not quite close enough, leaving a noticeable space between you two.

(Y/N) "...Are you really?-"

(Fugue) "Yes and...No."

Calling herself 'Fugue', she began explaining what exactly had led to her return, and although she was the woman you loved, at the same time it wasn't.

Her memories were fragmented, and although the finer details were lost forever, certain people and things that held significance to her seemed to be the only things intact.

Meaning that you were one of the anchors allowing her to even survive.

(Fugue) "...And now, I have a second chance at life, perilous as it is still."

(Y/N) "...What exactly do you remember of me, if I can ask."

Fugue pursed her lower lip, brows furrowing as her expression alone told you how little actually came to mind. Every second that passed was like a dagger twisting further into your heart, only stopping momentarily when she collected her thoughts.

(Fugue) "Besides your name...your smile...How warm your hands are, and how nice they feel when I hold them..."

Fugue tried with all her might to recall that dream. Even though it was so damn vivid every night, why did she struggle to recall it the moment she needed it the most?

(Fugue) "I...I think we had tea in front of the...Earl...?-"

(Y/N) "The Sleepless Earl, hah..."

You closed your eyes as tears threatened to spill out. Hearing her speak again was agonizing, yet relieving all at the same time. It was her, yet not her...Despite that, you finally knew in some capacity, she was safe and breathing next to you again.

Though, you must have done a poor job of masking your emotions since you felt a familiar touch you've missed brush against your cheek, feeling a thumb wipe away a tear that fell out.

(Fugue) "I...I didn't mean to hurt you. I shouldn't have come to you. I'm so-"

(Y/N) "Don't!"

Your body moved faster than your mind, immediately grabbing her hand when it tried slipping away. Fugue was somewhat startled, yet she quickly relaxed, seemingly soothed by your touch as well.

(Y/N) "...Sorry."

Clasping her hand again, you struggled to let go before gently putting her hands on her lap and maintaining that respectful distance.

(Y/N) "Knowing that you're alive again is more than enough for me. E-Even if you are on a razor's edge right now."

Truthfully, you didn't know if that was actually any better. You weren't sure if your heart could handle seeing her die again, but the illogical part of your brain was just happy to see her, to hear her speak, to hear her call out your name-

(Fugue) "(Y/N)."

You turned back to Fugue, who now had tears prickling the corners of her eyes too, her hand sitting in the middle of the space between you two.

(Fugue) "Do you know what my name means?"

You nod. You weren't oblivious to the symbolism of her new name.

(Y/N) "A loss of self."

(Fugue) "...And someone who's starting again."

She shifts her hand, her palm now facing outward. Now, she's giving you the smile you adored for all these years, one that never failed to make your heart race and cheeks flush.

This time, her smile is making tears rush down your face freely.

(Fugue) "I think it will take some time, but...I'd like to start again with you. And...to fall in love with you once more."

The smile you give back seems to have the same effect, even if Fugue doesn't entirely know the reason why she feels connected to you.

Not that particular bit stopped you from wiping away her tears this time, and letting your foreheads rest against each other.

Starting again didn't sound too bad.

[valkyrieromanoff]

God bless your dad's genetics… Dilf! Anakin x son’s girlfriend!reader

PREVIOUS NEXT

CHAPTER SEVEN: SIPS AND SECRETS

synopsis: during a family dinner, Padmé can't resist throwing barbs to her husband and daughter-in-law.

warning: age gap (Anakin is 44 years old and the reader is in her early 20s), cheating, alternate universe, angst  

w: 2.8k

a/n: hello there, honestly, I wasn't very happy with the result, but this fight needed to happen anyway, as we're reaching the final stretch, there are 3 chapters left. I hope you liked it ;)

Sometimes I see the future sometimes I'm not so bright Sometimes you're looking for a fight

The moment you stepped into the dining room, the shift in energy hit you like a wall. Beneath the clinking of cutlery, the murmur of conversations, and the occasional burst of laughter, an undercurrent of tension simmered. It was invisible but palpable, a quiet hum that tightened the air, making it feel heavier.

The table was smaller tonight—intimate, only set for the Skywalker family and the twins’ partners. The reduced space amplified everything, each glance and word carrying extra weight.

You made your way to your seat beside Luke, eyes fixed on the floor. The high heels you wore required focus, or at least that’s what you told yourself. In reality, it was easier than meeting Anakin’s gaze. You didn’t need to see his face to know it would betray everything—each stolen touch, every lingering kiss.

“We lost you after the massage,” Leia remarked, her tone light but eyes sharp, watching as you slid into your seat.

“Oh.” The word escaped, more breath than voice. Memories flooded back—Anakin’s hands on your body, your fingers tracing his scars, the heat of his breath against your skin. You forced a smile, shaking the thoughts away like droplets of water. “I, uh… left early. Needed some air.” You laughed, the sound brittle. “I’m not used to those things.”

Padmé’s eyes lingered on you for a moment, the silence stretching just a beat too long. Her smile was polite, but there was something beneath it—something sharp, calculating.

“Fresh air can be… illuminating,” she said smoothly, swirling the wine in her glass. “Sometimes, it helps clear away more than just tension.” Her eyes met yours, a flicker of something unspoken passing between you, before she looked away, the smile never quite reaching her eyes.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” she added, her tone light but edged with a quiet challenge.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, Padmé’s words slicing through the room like a blade hidden in silk. Her brown eyes, usually warm and maternal, carried a glint of something harder—something that made the wine in your glass feel heavier. You swallowed, letting the liquid soothe your dry throat as you forced yourself to respond.

“Yeah, I think so,” you murmured, the words tentative, a faint smile tugging at the corners of your lips. For a fleeting moment, your mind wandered to Anakin—the weight of his hands, the warmth of his breath, the way he made you feel like the only person in the world.

The moment stretched into silence, thick and awkward, before Han—ever oblivious—broke it.

“Well,” he began, puffing out his chest in mock bravado. “Guess it’s time to tell everyone the big news—I’m marrying Leia!”

The table froze, all eyes shifting to Leia. Her brows furrowed, her lips parting in disbelief.

“What?” she asked flatly, shooting him a glare sharp enough to cut steel. “He’s joking,” she added, voice steady but brimming with irritation.

“I’m not!” Han protested, his grin faltering.

Leia gave a tight smile, shaking her head. “I have professional aspirations before I think about getting married. Let’s focus on those, okay?” Her tone carried finality, her eyes flashing a warning at her boyfriend.

Anakin cleared his throat, leaning back in his chair. “She’s right,” he said calmly, though there was a weight to his words that made you glance at him. “Marriage isn’t something to rush into. You need to be sure it’s what you both truly want.”

His voice was steady, almost fatherly, but there was something beneath it—hurt, resignation, and a bitter edge smoothed over by careful phrasing.

Padmé’s gaze flicked toward him, her lips pressing into a tight line. She took a deliberate sip of her wine, her movements slow, precise. The room seemed to hold its breath.

“You wouldn’t want to find yourself tied to someone,” she began softly, her tone light yet cutting, “only to realize, years later, that the connection feels more like a burden.” Her words lingered, heavy and pointed, her eyes locking onto Anakin’s.

Anakin’s jaw tensed almost imperceptibly, his fingers tightening around the base of his glass. The air around the table grew taut, the subtext of her comment rippling through the conversation like an undercurrent.

Leia, oblivious to the shift in tension, rolled her eyes at Han. “See? Even mom agrees. Let’s drop the topic, okay?”

Han laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “Right. Sure. Just putting it out there…”

Padmé smiled faintly, the expression as polite as it was hollow. Her eyes didn’t leave Anakin’s, even as she took another sip of her wine, savoring the silence that followed her barb.

Your pulse quickened as the exchange settled over the table. You risked a glance at Anakin, who met your gaze briefly, his eyes unreadable. Whatever Padmé meant—whatever she knew—it was clear that this dinner wasn’t going to pass without more of these subtle, stinging reminders.

Padmé set her glass down with a soft clink, the faint sound unnervingly loud in the tension-filled air. She turned her gaze toward Luke, her smile now softer, warmer—untainted by the subtle hostility she’d just aimed at her husband.

“Luke, how’s your project coming along?” she asked smoothly, steering the conversation toward safer waters.

Luke brightened, oblivious to the undercurrent that had just rippled through the table. “It’s going great! We’re working on some new designs that could revolutionize efficiency in transport tech. I’ve been meaning to tell you—there’s a possibility of a grant next quarter if we hit our benchmarks.”

“That’s wonderful,” Padmé said warmly, her demeanor a flawless mask of maternal pride. “You’ve worked so hard for this; I’m glad to see it paying off.”

You nodded along, grateful for the reprieve, even as the guilt twisted deeper. Luke’s enthusiasm was contagious, his smile lighting up the table, but your stomach churned with every kind word he spoke.

“And you,” Padmé said, turning her gaze to you, her tone still deceptively light. “What do you think of Luke’s work? He’s mentioned you’ve been a good sounding board for his ideas.”

The question hit like a jab, though it was cloaked in politeness. Your breath hitched, and you reached for your wine glass, taking a long sip to buy yourself time. “I think it’s incredible,” you said, forcing a smile. “He’s so dedicated… and passionate about what he does.”

Luke beamed at the compliment, but Padmé’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, the faintest shadow of a smirk curling her lips. “Yes, passion can be such a powerful thing,” she murmured, her gaze flicking briefly to Anakin. “It drives us, inspires us… but it can also lead us astray if we’re not careful.”

Anakin’s knife scraped against his plate, the sound grating, his jaw tightening as he took a deliberate sip of his drink.

“I’m so happy to know that my son is dating someone so loyal,” Padmé said smoothly, her tone light but her words cutting like glass. Her eyes flicked toward you, the faintest curve of her lips betraying her satisfaction. “Loyalty is such an important value in our family.”

The comment hung in the air, laced with unspoken meaning. You froze, the wine glass trembling slightly in your grasp. It wasn’t just a comment—it was a warning, a reprimand for what you’d done. For the betrayal you’d committed.

“Did I miss something, Mom?” Luke asked, his brows furrowing as he glanced between you and Padmé, confusion etched on his face. “Until yesterday, you seemed to like her. Now you’re finding a problem with my girlfriend?”

Padmé smiled softly, her expression a portrait of practiced serenity. “Of course not, dear. I think she’s lovely.” Her tone shifted, becoming sharper, almost playful. “But who knows? Maybe your dear girlfriend knows something I don’t.” Her gaze flicked to you, her eyebrow arching in a subtle challenge.

Luke turned to you, his confusion deepening. He raised a brow, silently asking, What is she talking about?

You avoided his eyes, focusing instead on the glass in your hand as if it held all the answers. The best you could muster was a feigned expression of confusion, a carefully practiced blankness that felt like your only defense.

Padmé leaned back slightly, her smile widening. “You know, it’s interesting. You two are dating, but she’s so rarely by your side, Luke. I even thought I saw her in the sauna earlier, but… oh no.” She let out a light laugh, shaking her head. “It was your father. How silly of me.”

The words hit the table like a bomb, her casual tone doing nothing to mask the sharp edge of the accusation.

Anakin’s hand tightened around his fork, his jaw clenching for a moment before he placed the utensil down with deliberate care. His blue eyes met Padmé’s, his gaze cold and steady.

“If you’ve got something to say, Padmé,” he said, his voice low and controlled, “why don’t you get straight to the point instead of scheming your way around it?”

Padmé tilted her head, her expression unflinching. “Do you want me to be honest, Anakin?” she replied, her voice a perfect mix of feigned innocence and quiet steel. “How about you start talking instead of going after your son's girlfriend behind his back.” 

Padmé’s words hung in the air, heavier than the steam in the sauna you’d been in earlier. Every sound in the room seemed to fade—the clink of utensils, the faint hum of the ship—leaving only the pounding of your heart in your ears.

Luke froze mid-motion, his fork suspended in the air. “What… what did you just say?” His voice was low, almost disbelieving, as if he hadn’t heard her correctly. His eyes darted to you, then to Anakin, searching for an answer.

You felt the blood drain from your face, your stomach twisting painfully. “I… I don’t know what she’s talking about,” you stammered, forcing a laugh that came out strained and brittle. “This must be some kind of misunderstanding.”

Anakin’s jaw tightened, his knuckles white as his hand clenched the edge of the table. He exhaled slowly, trying to keep his composure. “Padmé, don’t do this,” he said, his voice low, warning.

Padmé leaned forward, her gaze sharp as a blade. “Oh, don’t do what, Anakin? Tell the truth? I think it’s time someone did.”

Luke looked between his parents, his face a mix of confusion and growing anger. “Can someone explain what the hell is going on?” he demanded, his voice louder now.

Padmé’s eyes didn’t leave Anakin as she spoke, her tone icy. “Your girlfriend and your father seem to have been spending quite a bit of time together lately. Disappearing at the same moments, sneaking off during family events…” She tilted her head slightly, her lips curling into a humorless smile. “Or maybe I just imagined her in the pool with him earlier. The way they looked at each other—so… intimate.”

“No!” The word burst out of you before you could stop it, panic threading through your voice. “That’s not true! We weren’t—”

“Enough.” Padmé cut you off, her gaze snapping to you. “Don’t insult my intelligence. I saw you.”

Luke’s face was pale now, his hands gripping the table as if to steady himself. “Is this true?” he asked, his voice shaking. “Tell me this isn’t true.”

Anakin finally spoke, his voice tight, controlled. “Luke, it’s not what it looks like.”

“Then what is it?” Luke shot back, his voice rising. “Because it looks exactly like what Mom is saying!”

“Luke, calm down,” Anakin said, his tone firm but lacking conviction. His eyes flicked to Padmé, a silent plea for her to stop.

But she wasn’t done. “Why don’t you ask them where they were during the massage?” she suggested, her tone deceptively light. “Or why they both disappeared at the same time after dinner the other night?”

You felt like the walls were closing in, your breathing shallow and unsteady. “It’s not what you think,” you said weakly, but the words felt hollow even to you.

Padmé laughed softly, humorless. “Not what I think? Then tell me, dear, what should I think? Because from where I’m sitting, the truth is painfully clear.”

Luke pushed his chair back abruptly, the screech of wood against the floor making you flinch. He stood, his hands raking through his hair as he paced. “This is insane,” he muttered. “This can’t be happening.”

Anakin stood too, his movements slow and deliberate, as if trying to contain a volcano threatening to erupt. “Padmé, this is enough,” he said, his voice sharp now. “You’re making assumptions based on nothing.”

“Nothing?” she repeated, her voice rising slightly. “I saw you, Anakin.”

Luke turned back to you, his face twisted with disbelief and hurt. “Say something,” he demanded. “Tell me this isn’t true.”

Your mouth opened, but no words came out. Each attempt to speak caught in your throat, choked by Padmé’s accusations, Luke’s piercing stare, and the unbearable weight of your guilt. You felt trapped, exposed, with nowhere to hide from the storm brewing at the table.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, your voice barely audible, the words hollow even to your own ears.

Padmé’s gaze bore into you, unrelenting. Before she could speak again, Anakin pushed his chair back abruptly, the legs screeching against the floor as he stood. “What’s with this little show, Padmé?” he snapped, frustration etched into every line of his face. “Let’s not pretend our marriage is anything more than a sham. It’s been that way for over ten years! A little late to be jealous, don’t you think?”

He gestured broadly, knocking over his chair in the process. The crash echoed in the tense silence, his fury radiating across the room. “I don’t make a scene every time you spend the night with someone else,” he continued, his voice rising, “but of course, you had to take it here.”

Padmé’s composure cracked, her calm mask giving way to visible anger. She stood, her hands gripping the edge of the table, her voice low and cutting. “You think this is about jealousy? About us?” Her laugh was cold, mirthless. “Fuck, Anakin. I’m not sleeping with our children’s partners. That’s low, even for you.”

The accusation hung in the air like a knife, the finality of her words silencing everyone at the table.

Luke turned to you, his expression unreadable at first, his silence more terrifying than any outburst. Finally, he spoke, his voice brittle, edged with disbelief. “Is that true?” he asked, each word cutting like broken glass. “You and my dad?”

You shrank in your chair, your heart pounding as you forced yourself to answer. “Luke, I’m… I’m sorry. But we were just pretending. We weren’t really dating.” The excuse tumbled out before you could stop it, as if that would somehow make this better.

Luke laughed, a bitter, humorless sound that made your stomach churn. “Oh. Okay,” he said, nodding as if processing the revelation. Then his voice broke, loud and venomous. “So you’re telling me you not being my girlfriend makes the fact that you're fucking my dad fine?”

“Luke,” Anakin interjected, stepping forward, his tone commanding but strained.

“Don’t,” Luke snapped, holding up a hand to stop him. “Don’t even try to explain this, Dad. How—” His voice cracked, raw with emotion. “How could you do this? To me? To her?” His eyes darted toward Padmé, whose silence now felt louder than anything else in the room.

“Luke, listen,” Anakin began, his tone softening, but Luke shook his head violently.

“Listen to what?” Luke demanded, his voice breaking. “You betrayed Mom. You betrayed me. What could you possibly say to make this okay?”

Anakin’s jaw tightened, his hands clenching at his sides. He took a deep breath but said nothing, his eyes flicking toward Padmé as if searching for support.

Padmé let out a sharp exhale, stepping away from the table, her voice icy. “You don’t get to play the victim here, Anakin. Not after this. And you…” Her eyes turned to you, and the disappointment there was unbearable. “I welcomed you into this family. I trusted you.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” you said weakly, tears stinging your eyes. “It wasn’t—”

“Spare me,” Padmé interrupted, her voice calm but laced with venom. “You knew exactly what you were doing. Both of you did.”

Luke shoved his chair back, the sound grating. “I can’t… I can’t do this right now,” he muttered, his voice breaking as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

The silence that followed was deafening. Anakin stood frozen, his eyes dark with guilt and frustration, while Padmé stared at him with an expression that seemed to pierce through him.

Finally, she spoke, her voice quieter but no less cutting. “I hope it was worth it, Anakin. Whatever this was. I hope she was worth all of this.”

Without waiting for a response, Padmé turned and left the room, her footsteps echoing down the hallway.

Anakin stood there for a long moment, his hands on the table, his head bowed. You sat frozen in your seat, your pulse pounding, the weight of what had just happened pressing down like a crushing tide.

“I’ll talk to him,” Anakin finally said, his voice hoarse. “Give him time.”

You nodded numbly, but deep down, you knew that the damage was already done.

[nocreativityfornames]

Everything we know about Michael so far, lore wise.

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR ALL SEASONS

➤ He's an high-ranking angel from the Celestial Realm, more specifically a Seraph. (nb: 18-2 and nb card: Luke - "I can do it too!")

➤ His love for sweets is the reason Luke took interest in baking. (swd: 5-12 and 23-5)

➤ He and Lucifer were equals in the Celestial Realm and no other angel shared the same status as them. Simeon referred to them back then as "the two great leaders of the Celestial Realm's legion of angels." (swd: 23-7) But currently Michael carries that position alone. (swd: 23-5)

➤ He was supposed to meet MC when they visited the Celestial Realm with Solomon but couldn't because a secret spring suddenly started drying and Michael had to go there to investigate the situation. (swd: 23-7)

➤ He used to be Mammon's mentor and tried his best to train the white-haired brother while in charge of him but wasn't able to figure out how to handle him and eventually went to Lucifer asking for help. And since Lucifer was somehow able to get Mammon to listen to him, he ended up taking over Michael's role and became his mentor instead. (swd: 27-19)

➤ He was originally the one in possession of the Ring of Wisdom but gave the ring to Solomon at a time when the human was feeling "lost" and Michael wanted to help him. (swd: 29-5)

➤ During MC's 2° stay in the Devildom when Diavolo was keeping secret from everyone that their powers had become a threat to the three realms, Michael sent the prince a message through Simeon, warning him that if whatever he was keeping a secret affected the Celestial Realm, angels wouldn't hesitate to intervene. (swd: 31-16 Hard Mode)

➤ He's the one who found the Ring of Light, counterpart to the Ring of Wisdom that Lucifer had lost during the Great Celestial War (swd: 37-9), and quickly noticed it was missing when Simeon stole it to give it to MC ( since it was the only other way to control their powers ), shooting the other angel a text stating that they needed to have a "good, long talk" and that he wanted to see him as soon as possible. (swd chat: M, "untitled")

➤ When MC was given the Ring of Light and fell unconscious because of it, Michael appeared to speak with them. And during their talk, the seraph told MC that he had pictured them to be truly wicked person due to being so well-liked by the brothers, but that he had been proven wrong after meeting them. (swd: 38-17)

➤ In that same conversation, Michael confessed to being jealous of MC. He told them: "I must admit that I'm jealous of you, MC. I wish I could have been more like you. Because I loved Lucifer and his brothers, and I lost them. Perhaps things could have been different..." (swd: 38-17)

➤ When asked, Satan explained to MC that Michael was the opposite of Lucifer appearance-wise but that they felt like twins at the same time. And when Mammon brought up Michael's adoration for Lucifer, Satan chimed in saying that in his opinion the reason Michael liked Lucifer so much was because he was the embodiment of everything he wanted to be but couldn't. (swd: 43-19)

➤ He would be the one having meetings with Diavolo when the prince took over the kingdom if he hadn't thrown the responsibility onto Lucifer in the last minute, making Michael in a way the stepping stone that led Lucifer to question his faith and start having doubts about God and the Celestial Realm in general. (swd: 44-15)

➤ When MC ended up in the past Celestial Realm through a dream Solomon sent them to accidentally by feeding them his food, Michael was the one to bring them back home. The angel told MC that they and the brothers would likely forget what happened in the dream but that it would still have an effect on all of them and he would keep an eye on them to make sure that said effect didn't have negative consequences in the future. (swd: 44-18)

➤ Luke told MC that he often found Michael in the hall where the brothers' portraits used to hang staring at the empty space, lost in thought. According to the small angel, Michael to this day still deeply misses the brothers and has regrets about the war. (swd: 49-15)

➤ He was the one to cast out the brothers from the Celestial Realm and send them to the Devildom. (swd: 50-7)

➤ According to Mammon, Michael and Simeon must've pulled some strings behind the scenes to get Luke to participate in the exchange program and be able to visit the Human World with Simeon because, with his low ranking, he'd never be the one chosen for those sorts of things and the Avatar of Greed is convinced that they're doing this because they want Luke to experience life outside the Celestial Realm, see that there's more out there than heaven, and stop thinking that angels are perfect beings who can do no wrong. (swd: 50-10)

➤ He's knowledgeable on constellations and likes them so much he had Raphael rebuilt a whole room so Human World constellations could be seen even from the Celestial Realm. (swd: 52-7) He also taught Mammon about them when he was still in his care, and later on taught Luke as well. (swd: 50-12)

➤ It was actually he who went into the Devildom and told the brothers that they had been forgiven by God and had to choose between staying in the demonic kingdom ( and making an enemy out of heaven ) or coming back to the Celestial Realm and leaving Satan behind. And in a conversation with Raphael, Michael said the reason for his disguise was that he was worried about what could happen if he showed up as himself. But Raphael quickly rebutted that by saying that the true reason Michael didn't go as himself was because he wouldn't know how to act around the brothers. (nb: 20-14 Hard Mode)

➤ Still disguised as Raphael before going back to the Celestial Realm, Michael told Luke that he wasn't surprised that the brothers didn't accept his offer to go back to heaven and actually knew that would be the outcome of it. He was also surprised not too long after when Luke, not knowing it wasn't Raphael who he was talking to, pointed out that Michael seemed sad and lonely whenever he was staring at the wall where the brothers' portraits used to be. Michael's exact response to the younger angel's words was: "...I didn't realize that's what people thought.” (nb: 20-A)

➤ When asked by Raphael if he planned to attend RAD in the future, Michael avoided giving an direct answer and left. (nb: 20-14 Hard Mode)

[neosprites]

Digital Stamp Making Tutorial

Hello, and welcome to the long-awaited(at least on my part) digital stamp-making tutorial from neosprites! I’d like to preface that I learned what I was doing from this tutorial so it may be a bit redundant, but if anything I get a bit more specific. Thank you so much to @graphic--horde for your work, it changed me as a graphic maker. This is gunna be a long post so feel free to bookmark it for later. Now, onto the show!

The frame I will be using for this tutorial (which is the frame I use on 99.9% of my stamps) I found from the above linked post, which I believe is from a creator that OP lost track of. Its inner dimensions are 94x50 pixels and its outer dimensions are 99x56 pixels. Here it is!

Find your material! - I recommend using websites like Tumblr and searching with the “GIF” filter only on, or alternatives such as Giphy or Tenor. Your browser may let you directly save the .gif file; if not and you are noticing it restricts you to save it as a .webp file you can try an extension like “Save webp as PNG or JPEG” (for Firefox but I image other browsers have similar functions, but I really recommend you switch to Firefox). To use this you will right click on your source .gif like normal but instead of clicking on “Save image as…” click “Save webP as…” and then click “GIF”. You should be redirected to the website ezgif.com where we will actually be doing all of our editing! Here’s the .gif we’ll be working with.

Convert to GIF (optional) - if you used the extension from the above step you should already be ready to click the blue “Convert to GIF” button. If not, go ahead and open ezgif.com and click on “webP” and then “WebP to GIF”; then convert to a gif with the blue button.

Resize the GIF - now that we have a gif ready to edit, let’s make it the right size. The easiest method I have found is to change it directly to the frame’s inner dimensions, 94x50 pixels. [EDIT: Make sure in the aspect ratio drop drop menu you select "stretch to fit" and not "center and crop to fit" like I did in the photo example.] Click “resize” and then type [94] in for the width and [50] for the height. Next press the blue “resize image” button.

Add the frame - next click “overlay” then click the thin blue button that says “Extend canvas size(use if overlay exceeds GIF sizes)”. This will give us some extra room to add the frame onto the design. Next click “Browse…” and find the frame you have saved onto your device, then click the blue “Upload image” button.

After that it’s going to be misaligned, that’s normal! It will say you have the option to drag it into place, but don’t bother. That’s one of the reasons my old stamps look wack, it’s just harder to do. Instead type [44] in for the Left box and [22] in for the Right box. It took me a while to figure out these dimensions to be honest, and I’ve only tested it with this frame so I don't know if it works with others. Then click the blue “Generate image” button.

Crop the transparent edges - click on “crop”. You will have the option to check a box that says “trim transparent pixels around the image” however, I don’t recommend this as it tends to crop a few of the frame’s pixels with it sometimes. Next, set the Left position to [44] and the Right position to [22]. For the other dimensions we will use the outer dimensions of the frame which are 99x56 pixels, this will trim everything except the tiny spaces in between the stamp frame’s spikes. Type the width as [99] and the height as [56] and click the tiny blue button that says “set”. After that click the blue “Crop image” button.

Save and use! - all that's left is to click “save” and upload the graphic to your liking. (best seen on dark mode obviously)

If you’d like to tag me in stamps you’ve made using my tutorial I would love to see them, but it’s not required!! Make sure to always give credit for pictures/gifs when you can and try not to make stuff out of personal/fan art. Thank you to the person in my inbox who requested this tutorial, I had been meaning to for a while but it was just the kick I needed. :)

[zepskies]

Podcast Interview With Idling in the Impala: "Y/N and Let Y/N…"

Here we go! Sandra and Kasey, the lovely hosts of @idlingintheimpalapodcast — the podcast for all things SPN and fanfiction — invited me on the pod for an interview…

We chatted about Dean Winchester and Jensen Ackles’ early roles, the best and worst seasons of SPN, the joys and pains of writing Soldier Boy, and much, much more.

That’s right, there be some hot takes coming in this convo, and I had an absolute blast with these two! (And like I said in Sunday's announcement, I’m also putting my name and my voice out there for the first time! 😆)

So if any of that sounds interesting, feel free to dive in!

(**Important Note: Just to preface, we recorded this back in June, so it was before I posted certain stories or even started developing Lost on You. It was also when Tumblr activity/engagement was going through a spring/summer slowdown lol.

Links to all the fics and podfics we mentioned are at the end of this post.)

Have a listen: ⤵️

Interview Timestamps –

(Plus fic recs, SPN writer shoutouts, and more!)

1:44 – Who’s your guy: Sam or Dean?

3:35 – Getting into Supernatural for the first time (and seeing “Deanisms” in Jensen’s early roles).

10:15 – We debate the best and worst seasons of SPN: talking Mary Winchester, the British MOL, MOC Dean vs. Demon Dean, Chuck/God villainy, “jump the shark” moments, and that ending.

30:29 – Favorite SPN characters besides Sam and Dean.

32:34 – Writing fanfiction, joining Tumblr, and writing reader inserts vs. OCs.

38:05 – To “Y/N” or not “Y/N,” and the power of 2nd person. (**Disclaimer: Despite my hot take on this, I’ve loved a lot of stories by authors who use Y/N in reader insert stories.

Also, if I’m remembering the book You and its characters incorrectly forgive me, it’s been like 5 years since I read it lol.) 

51:00 – Favorite fanfic tropes in romance, the joys and challenges of writing Soldier Boy (AKA: the Original Asshole), and attempting to humanize Ben in Break Me Down.

Shoutout to @deans-spinster-witch always for giving me the inspiration to write BMD. 💚

Why We Love The Boys – A review of Supes Ain’t Always Heroes

1:07:57 – Engaging with readers, tips on increasing engagement, optimizing your Tumblr blog, writing schedules and processes, and incorporating reader feedback into stories.

1:26:38 – Sandra graciously narrated Midnight Espresso (Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader). We chat about what sparked the idea for the ME-verse, self-representation in fanfic, feeding Dean, loving Dean, and writing about culture and ethnicity in the fandom space.

1:38:26 – Chatting about the inspirations behind Smoke Eater, a firefighter!Dean AU; law enforcement procedurals, House MD, and researching for stories.

1:44:30 – Which Jackles character is the easiest or most fun to write?

1:47:39 – The challenges of writing Sam vs. Dean.

1:53:15 – Shoutouts! To some of my favorite SPN authors. I could only remember a few people off the top of my head (stupid me), but I love all of you!!

@waynes-multiverse @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior @luci-in-trenchcoats @rizlowwritessortof @waywardxwords

@deanwinchesterswitch @deanbrainrotwritings @deanwritings @spnbabe67 @thatonewriter15

@justagirlinafandomworld @kaleldobrev @artyandink @princessmisery666 @wayward-dreamer (– and many more.)

2:00:40 – How I came up with my username.

2:05:04 – Kasey’s Secret Question…

2:07:38 – Advice to fanfic writers and creatives for inspiration and/or wisdom.

2:16:35 – Sandra and Kasey’s lovely outro: self-representation in fandom, escapism, diverse voices, and more. (“Reach out a hand. Touch somebody. …Not like that.”)

📖 Fics Mentioned:

Sandra: @talltalesandbedtimestories -

Some Sunny Day Series – Dean Winchester x OFC - (I'm in the process of reading this entire series and it's been a joy to read! 💜)

Past Due – Dean Winchester x Reader

The Iceman Cometh – Dean Winchester x Reader

Cowboy Canter (Original Fiction) – Inspired by cowboyish Dean/Jensen.

Kasey: @sam-is-my-safe-word -

English Cottage-verse – Sam Winchester x Reader (I've read it and it's fantastic! 💜)

(K)not for sale – Soldier Boy x Dean Winchester

Alex (Zep/Me) -

Break Me Down – Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Midnight Espresso (& the Series Masterlist) – Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader

Dream With Me – Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader

Smoke Eater – Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader

Every Second Counts – Russell Shaw x F. Reader

🎙️ Stories/Podfics Sandra has narrated for me:

Podfic Playlist

And please remember to check out all the other awesome interviews, narrated podfics, and fun topics covered by Sandra and Kasey on the Idling in the Impala Podcast!

[styllwaters]

Figured it was time to stop putting it off so here's Kota (his new design, for veterans who remember him). I don't yap about my ocs nearly enough on here so I guess its time to change that

Very basic summary: This guy is a posthuman, the only surviving remnants of humanity in Vivere 44 (I'll make a big updated post for them later). When Earth was destroyed by Genizix the surviving humans were captured and used as test subjects for a digitised consciousness project. They managed to escape in ships, though their physical bodies were no more. Eventually they came across a wormhole and emerged into the Zhagaviit galaxy, where they were given refuge on the Arrow homeplanet of Hanidias.

(Longer backstory under the cut for textwall enjoyers)

EARTH

Kota was a highly successful and well-known astronaut working for Nasa back when earth was still intact. He was driven, determined, a good speaker, and more than prepared to take on any challenge. In his younger years he was a little impulsive and reckless, he liked putting on a show. He strived for the best at all times, and was known for great feats on Earth. He had grown used to the idea of being seen as a prodigy and had high hopes for his future and the future of his daughter. 

Kota pushes himself to the brink at all times, and is not known as someone who gives up easily. During the Genizix-Earth wars, he put himself at the forefront - doing the best he could with others to figure out what to do as Earth was bombarded by the weapons corporation. Though as time went on it became increasingly obvious that Genizix was toying with them and they were doomed from the start. Genizix used the survivors as test subjects for their new project which involved putting consciousnesses into digitized forms, creating the first beta-posthumans.

CAPTURE AND ESCAPE

When Genizix finally reduced Earth to floating space debris humanity was dead meat. Kota and his daughter Elise, who was a computer engineer, sought a way to escape their captors. Together with many other great minds they studied Genizix for months and managed to find a way out of the mothership they were confined to. In the ensuing chaos they lost many, including Elise.

The posthuman survivors escaped in Genizix ships, piloting them through space and trying to get as far as possible from their captors. The loss of Elise broke Kota, who felt responsible for it. This guilt would only grow and intensify as he led the exodus, unsure of where they were even headed. As the de facto 'leader' of the posthuman rebellion he was looked up to and turned into a figurehead of sorts, who shepherded them across the vast nothingness. This responsibility weighed on him like a mountain.

EXODUS

It was a lonely and painful existence, made worse by the fact that many people’s minds couldn’t handle their new digital forms. This is when Entropy began. Biological matter cannot easily be computerised. Many individuals entered what would be termed an Entropic state and ‘malfunctioned’ - they began to mentally deteriorate until there was nothing left of their mind except for snippets; repetition of voice, automatic status notifications placed by Genizix, and ultimately all functions shutting down.

Eventually the deterioration would get to a point where there was nothing but radio silence and the spacecraft would cease to move, lights permanently flickering out. There was nothing that could be done, even as they kept sending distress signals with no response. They were lightyears away from any other civilization that could possibly help them. For a while they were free floating with no direction, dropping off one by one, in the endless vacuum of space. All they could do to keep each other sane was to keep talking to one another.

CONTACT

They traveled for years until they came across a wormhole, and under Kota’s command they entered it with the hope that on the other side there would be salvation. It was an extremely risky and desperate move, but at this point they were willing to try anything. The fleet, which by now was less than half its original population, emerged on the other side into the Zhagaviit galaxy before the wormhole collapsed, alive but with damaged machinery. The first species that made contact with them were the Arrows, and like the other Zhagaviit sophonts they were a civilization recovering from their own war with Genizix.

First Light, an Arrow who was modified by Genizix as a weapon, saved Kota in more ways than one. It took a long time for him to warm up to the Arrows, having the worst possible experience with extraterrestrial first contact. He was guarded, distrustful, and hypervigilant. It took multiple days for him to work up the courage to leave his ship and transfer his consciousness to another medium - the blue c-particles which would house human consciousness from that point on. After gentle coaxing from Light, he began to open up. They shared their experiences, and bonded over them. Seeing Light, who was just as damaged as he was despite their differences - yet still able to smile, and laugh, and hope for a better future, gave him the encouragement to keep going. Kota distracted himself with work, figuring out accommodations for humanity on Hanidias and learning about Arrows. Eventually he and First Light joined the Beacon as ambassadors and diplomats for the Zhagaviit Galactic Community.

[animusrox]

LETTERBOXD

1.   The Batman 2.   Everything Everywhere All at Once 3.   Prey 4.   Triangle of Sadness 5.   Barbarian 6.  The Northman 7.   Bodies Bodies Bodies 8.   The Banshees of Inisherin 9.   Bones and All 10.   Avatar: The Way of Water

Grade A

11.   Turning Red 12.   The Menu 13.   Babylon 14.   Hit the Road 15.   Cow 16.   Watcher 17.   Funny Pages 18.   Mad God 19.   On the Count of Three 20.   Armageddon Time 21.   Terrifier 2 22.   Marcel the Shell with Shoes On 23.   Smile 24.   Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery 25.   Holy Spider 26.   Aftersun 27.   The Fabelmans 28.   Breaking 29.   Decision to Leave 30.   The Whale 31.   All Quiet on the Western Front 32.   Brian and Charles 33.   Piggy 34.   Saint Omer 35.   Thirteen Lives 36.   Men 37.   The Fallout 38.   Resurrection 39.   Causeway 40.  The Black Phone 41.   Official Competition 42.   Nope 43.  Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio 44.   Apollo 10½: A Space Age Childhood 45.   Till 46.   TÁR 47.   Happening 48.   A Love Song 49.   The Outfit 50.   The Innocents 51.   Jackass Forever 52.   BARDO, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths 53.   Montana Story 54.   Three Thousand Years of Longing 55.   You Won’t Be Alone 56.   The Sadness 57.   Halloween Ends 58.   Pearl 59.   X 60.   Vesper

Click "Keep Reading” For My Full List

Grade B

61.   This Place Rules 62.   Fresh 63.   Windfall 64.   Kimi 65.   No Exit 66.   Top Gun: Maverick 67.   “Sr.” 68.   Farha 69.   The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent 70.   Weird: The Al Yankovic Story 71.   Nitram 72.   Speak No Evil 73.   Run Sweetheart Run 74.   She Said 75.   White Noise 76.   Puss in Boots: The Last Wish 77.   V/H/S/99 78.   The Wonder 79.   Women Talking 80.   Hatching 81.   Soft & Quiet 82.   Scream 83.   To Leslie 84.   Hustle 85.   Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers 86.   Dual 87.   God’s Country 88.   Emancipation 89.   Vengeance 90.   Fire of Love 91.   Bullet Train 92.   Incantation 93.   The Valet 94.   Hellraiser 95.   Christmas Bloody Christmas 96.   Significant Other 97.   Cha Cha Real Smooth 98.   Lucy and Desi 99.   Not Okay 100.   A Christmas Story Christmas 101.   Blonde 102.   Deadstream 103.   Sissy

Grade C

104.   The Bad Guys 105.   The Cursed 106.   Empire of Light 107.   A Man Called Otto 108.   Broker 109.   Black Panther: Wakanda Forever 110.   The Princess 111.   Beast 112.   After Yang 113.   RRR 114.   Fall 115.   Jackass 4.5 116.   Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe 117.   Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness 118.   Jennifer Lopez: Halftime 119.   Lightyear 120.   The Pale Blue Eye 121.   The Woman King 122.   Violent Night 123.   God’s Creatures 124.   Ambulance 125.   Elvis 126.   You Are Not My Mother 127.   Emily the Criminal 128.   Crimes of the Future 129.   The Apology 130.   The Lost City 131.   Wendell & Wild 132.   Trainwreck: Woodstock ’99 133.   The Found Footage Phenomenon 134.   See How They Run 135.   Spiderhead 136.   Studio 666 137.   Bros 138.   Spin Me Round 139.   We’re All Going to the World’s Fair 140.   Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank 141.   Honor Society

Grade D

142.   Thor: Love and Thunder 143.   Summering 144.   Strange World 145.   Glorious 146.   The Gray Man 147.   Devotion 148.   Clerks III 149.   The Forgiven 150.   Enola Holmes 2 151.   Father Stu 152.   Jurassic World Dominion 153.   DC League of Super-Pets 154.   She Will 155.   The Bob’s Burgers Movie 156.   Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody 157.   Hellbender 158.   Samaritan 159.   Day Shift 160.   Sonic the Hedgehog 2 161.   Prey for the Devil 162.   Troll 163.   Uncharted 164.  Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile 165.   Dashcam 166.   Firestarter 167.   Do Revenge 168.   Catwoman: Hunted 169.   The Munsters 170.   Amsterdam 171.   Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Grade F

172.   Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris 173.   The Bubble 174.   Dead for a Dollar 175.   Jerry & Marge Go Large 176.   Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul. 177.   Infinite Storm 178.   Marry Me 179.   Don’t Worry Darling 180.   Spirited 181.   Disney's Pinocchio 182.   Alice 183.   Black Adam 184.   Orphan: First Kill 185.   The Adam Project 186.   The Invitation 187.   Texas Chainsaw Massacre 188.   Ticket to Paradise 189.   The 355 190.   Umma

Bottom 10

191.   Green Lantern: Beware My Power 192.   Deep Water 193.   Where the Crawdads Sing 194.   Blacklight 195.   Mack & Rita 196.   Memory 197.   Me Time 198.   Death on the Nile 199.   Morbius 200.   Moonfall

[srbachchan]

DAY 5990

Jalsa, Mumbai July 12/July 13, 2024 Fri/Sat 3:44 am

🪔 ,

July 13 .. birthday greetings to Ef Manoj Kumar Ojha .. Ef Taran Ghantasala .. and Ef Kalpesh N. Gohel from Oman 🇴🇲 .. 🙏🏻❤️🚩

Yes .. the desire and the will to connect even at this unearthly hour - to some - to many it is time for work ... but for me I need to utilise the time for the Ef connect ..

Back from a glorious wedding and the feel after a very long time of public exposure, the wealth of love and affection that I can possibly think of with so many old acquaintances .. they seemed to have changed in their physiognomy, but extremely sincere in their affection towards the association and the love of our times well spent together ..

This is what life is all about .. the associations and love and care ..

It is strange how the little things that matter to each other , remain, but those that had a deeper association or a meaningful spent time, is lost and forgotten .. well not really forgotten , but kept on the back burner, and remembered or brought out only when there is required meaning of the association ..

So , I met a family who had had an association with some longitude, but what remains with them is that when they came to be a part of the audience in KBC , I happened to pick up a piece of dirt that was on the floor of the set , and not beckoned an assistant or the floor manager to do it ..

BUT .. I mean .. what is so great in that .. you see something which needs to cleaned, you pick it up rather than gear up an entire work force of the establishment to clean it up .

Ugguff ! it nothing .. but such a fuss made of it ..

It is not being humble of setting example .. it's just an act of extreme normality .. and the hullabalooo is deafening ..

And the director saying it was one hellava thing that I asked him permission to go to the washroom during the shoot ..

Yes I do need to take permission .. it is his set, his time , he is the Captain, I am the servant that has been employed, if I need to go for nature's call , I must seek his permission .. !!!

He may have designed a shot that needed to be taken 'pronto' .. he may have needed me to stand in for the lighting to be done .. he may have wanted me to rehearse the shot with my colleagues or just me ..

A lot of things happen when the Captain is in charge .. so I need to take his permission to leave the set .. it was he that called me to the set, when it was ready for the shot, it was he that wanted me to work in his film, I have to obey his word and dictat .. and I did just that .. so what is all the fuss about ..

MERELY FILLING IN PRINTED SPACE !!!! No its the paucity in life that is compelling ..

The impotency of content ..

Good night - good morning .. at 4:23 am

Amitabh Bachchan

[dinafamilyy]

Read this message carefully

Imagine they are your family🩸

My name is Enayat, aged 44. I am a special education teacher and speech therapist for children. We used to live a dignified life.

My 48 year-old husband and I have six lovely children.

We had a home that brought us together with love, and our children grew up in a happy family meeting their needs as much as possible. However, on October 7, 2023, we were displaced from our home in southern Gaza due to shelling, shattering our dreams there.

• Here is a picture of my home before the bombing

husband suffered seven fractures in his leg, a serious injury that nearly led to amputation, prompting his transfer for treatment in Egypt.

My children's lives were disrupted, and our workplaces were bombed, with most schools and universities in Gaza destroyed. This has left my injured husband and me facing unemployment after the destruction of all life facilities in Gaza.

• We face a difficult life in atent

Currently, we live with relatives, 15 people in a small tent, in a very cramped space, going through a difficult and exhausting period.

I suffer greatly because my injured husband cannot support me in these difficult circumstances..

All my children miss their father and have taken on responsibilities at an early age.

• I suffer from cervical and back disc problems and need a medical bed and treatments that I have been unable to access due to the war.

I have lost many family members, including my dear sister, brother, and friend.

And my husband lost his job,he owned a poultry farm costing $10,000. We were displaced, leaving the chickens on the farm until they died of starvation.

There were beautiful little birds living in our home whom I fed with bread everywhere we fled, but they died due to malnutrition after 7 months of war.

The aid you provide will enable us to travel outside Gaza The cost per person for travel is $5,000 The total cost of our rescue and exit from Gaza is 30,000. rescue my husband, cover his medical expenses, and return to a life free from fear. We will assist our relatives and rebuild our destroyed home after the war ends, and help my children obtain their certificates from schools and universities to help them stand on their own feet.

I appeal to you to donate, even a small amount like $5 or more, to save us and help us overcome this ordeal we are going through.

I share with you the difficult humanitarian conditions we are experiencing, hoping you will help us emerge from it and start a dignified life anew.

help in any amount do you want but dont leave us alone

gofund.me/0c38cfcd

@fancysmudges @brokenbackmountain @anyonghalimaw @zigcarnivorous @aleciosun @fluoresensitivearchived @khizuo @schoolhater @timogsilangan @appsa @buttercuparry @sayruq @malcriada @palestinegenocide @sar-soor @akajustmerry @annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @feluka-blog-blog @tortiefrancis @feluka @flower-tea-fairies @tsaricides @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @visenyasdragon @belleandsaintsebastian @ear-motif @kordeliiius @brutaliakent @raelyn-dreams @troythecatfish @theropoda @tamarrud @4ft10tvlandfangirl @queerstudiesnatural @northgazaupdates2 @skatezophrenic @awetistic-things @camgirlpanopticon @baby-girl-aaron-dessner @nabulsi @sygutka @junglejim4322 @heritageposts @chososhairbuns @palistani @dlxxv-vetted-donations @imjustheretotrytohelp @mnty-bubblegmyum

@wayneradiotv

@professor-glasses @acridid-s @asharestupid @sheplaysbassdotmp3

[sirfrogsworth]

A few people took exception to calling my car's CD player useless.

I actually think it is great there are a few holdouts still using CDs.

CDs are truly one of the most perfect media ever created.

And I can prove that mathematically.

Some will say vinyl is superior. And as much as I love records, the audio quality is preferred, not better. People have a *preference* for how vinyl sounds, but it still leaves out audio information and has noise and artifacts caused by the mechanics of the turntable and an imperfect manufacturing process.

In fact, the lesser audio quality is exactly what people enjoy. It has a warmth and comfortably compressed dynamic range that is not fatiguing over long listening sessions. It's like choosing a nice fire over a 100% efficient space heater.

But if you want perfect audio quality that does not exceed the limits of human hearing, compact discs are where it's at.

It all has to do with Dr. Harry Nyquist and his Nyquist-Shannon Theorem. (Sometimes Shannon gets left out and it is just called the Nyquist Theorem.)

The simple version is he figured out how much something needs to be sampled in order to not lose any information. As long as you sample something at a frequency greater than or equal to twice per cycle, you will have a lossless... whatever.

In this case, a lossless audio recording.

So the range of human hearing is about 20 Hz to 20 kHz. That's the lowest and highest frequencies we can perceive. The scientists creating CD audio figured they'd do 22 kHz for some overhead and then you double that to get 44 kHz. (Technically it was 44.1 kHz.)

You can imagine the smooth curvy line as an analog recording. No gaps. No information loss.

The black squares are digital samples recorded over a period of time. You can see there are gaps between those black squares. A tiny bit of time passes between the squares where nothing is sampled. INFORMATION LOSS! NOOOOO!

Clearly the vinyl nerds are correct and digital is inferior, right? You are going to get the dreaded... STAIR STEPS!

Not so fast, bucko!

By getting enough samples over a period of time, you can use math to infer that smooth sloping line connecting those individual samples. So the digital recording also has no information lost once it is converted back to analog and played through your speakers.

This connecting of dots is called "interpolation."

You could take the curvy analog, convert it to digital, get the same black squares, and then interpolate the black squares back into analog and get the same curvy line. It goes back and forth perfectly. And this is all verifiable with an oscilloscope.

NEAT!

Then of course you need a good dynamic range--the spectrum of quiet to loud. Anything above 85 decibels will damage your hearing, so they went with a 16-bit depth which covers roughly 100 dB. Again, giving them a little overhead for death metal and overzealous trumpet players.

And the final component is data bandwidth or "bitrate" usually measured in kilobits per second. This is how much data is read every second. The 1s and 0s of it all. The bitrate of a CD is calculated by multiplying 44,100 samples per second per channel by 16 bits per sample and then multiplying by 2 channels. After all that mathing is math'd, you get a perfectly uncompressed 1,411 kbps.

So you've got all the frequencies you could ever hear combined with as much volume as your ears can stand with a bit rate that will give you no loss of data.

The *perfect* audio quality all encoded into little microscopic pits.

Now you may be asking, "Why do I see "24/96" or "24/192" advertised on fancy audio equipment and high quality streaming platforms like Tidal? Aren't 24 bits better? Isn't 96 kHz MORE than 44.1 kHz?"

Dr. Nyquist might say... this is some bullshit.

This confusion comes from the fact that recording quality and playback quality are two different animals. This misunderstanding happens with video and photo quality as well. Recording in 6K will give you a sharper picture even if your final playback quality is 4K. You can get bad pixels and noise and stray photons that do not contribute to the detail in the video. By giving yourself overhead you can ensure you hit the desired quality target.

And recording at 24 bits and 96 or 192 kHz, you get a higher resolution to edit and master with, but it is only advantageous to the computer software... not the human ear.

From a photographer's perspective, I relate to it like this...

If I have more megapixels and more colors and more dynamic range I have more leeway when editing my photos. If you try to push a low quality photo in the edit, it has this tendency to fall apart. You can get ugly color banding and harsh contrast and sharpening artifacts. By capturing more quality than you need in the finished product, you can process the photo much more dramatically before it deteriorates and loses integrity.

Audio and video are the same way.

So let's say you have a metal singer that screams at the microphone as loud as possible from 2 inches away.

At 16 bits they may surpass that 100 decibel dynamic range and distort the recording. But if you record in 24 bits, you get 144 dB to play with. Or you can even do 32 bits and get 1500 dB--a volume that no human voice could ever surpass. It guarantees a clean, distortion free recording, but 32 bits would be pointless for human listening.

The same is true with the sample rate. Having a higher resolution allows you to zoom into waveforms and adjust things to an extremely granular level. You can do precise timings, tiny pitch adjustments, apply loads of digital effects, and just have more room for audio activities without degrading the sound quality.

But outputting 192,000 of those black squares is going to interpolate the exact same smooth curvy line as 44,100 when it is played through speakers.

The oscilloscope knows what I'm talking about.

Now I am about to reveal a secret that no audiophile who has invested in a $115,000 high resolution 32 bit/3,072 kHz DAC wants to acknowledge...

The master recording is always more important than the playback quality.

If you have a high quality source it will sound great even in a highly compressed MP3. Just like the 6K video is sharper on the 4K TV. And the high megapixel photo looks better in an Instagram post.

If the source is good, the media will be good.

And since high resolution audio services often seek out the best masters available before encoding their playback files, it gives many people the illusion they are getting better sound quality due to the boosted specs.

When in reality, it was just a better copy of the original recording.

According to Nyquist, your human ears are not computers and all you need is double the frequency to hear perfect sound with no loss of information. So anything above 16 bit/44.1 kHz/1411 kbps and you are just wasting bandwidth on a server.

And I don't want to hear anything about "stair stepping."

IT'S MATH.

Your ears aren't better than math, okay?

If you don't believe in math, then you and Jack White can sit in the naughty math corner with his bespoke overpriced vinyl pressings.

I will say, there is a gap between your standard music streaming service like Spotify and your bullshit audiophile service like Tidal.

Free Spotify uses heavily compressed files. Which means the bitrate is quite low and there can be information loss. Or "lossy" compression. Modern compression is actually pretty amazing, but I'm afraid anything below 320 kbps may cause some songs to not sound as intended.

Depending on the content, some songs are more suited to compression than others. And even with premium Spotify, they cap songs at 320 kbps which still may not be enough for busier, harder-to-compress songs.

Also, I don't know if Spotify cares about getting the best quality master for a given song. Which, again, is the most important aspect of sound quality.

But services like Tidal waste bandwidth with their super specs and that isn't great for the environment. What I'd love to see is a company that makes their best effort to seek out high quality masters, and encodes their files at 16 bit/44 kHz with a lossless variable bit rate compression. Variable bit rate or "VBR" will do more compression during simpler parts of the audio and less compression during more complex parts. It's smart compression, basically. And as long as you use a high enough bitrate to achieve lossless compression, the sound quality will be the same as if there is no compression at all. So you still get smaller file sizes that use less bandwidth and have a smaller environmental impact.

That would be a streaming service I would consider paying for. Especially if they put great effort into getting high quality original recordings for their content.

In conclusion... if you are still using CDs you don't need to worry about audio quality. You're all set. There is a sort of beauty in what the audio scientists who created compact discs did. They figured out the limits of human audio perception and created a format that just slightly exceeded that. No "bigger number is better" marketing. No audiophile bullshit.

They said, "Here is what you need and nothing more."

They made a perfect thing and they should be proud of that.

[a-court-of-fics-and-errors]

Keep Moving Forwards, Part 44

Azriel x Reader Fic

Summary: After finally deciding to leave your abusive and manipulative mate for good, you find unexpected companionship with Azriel, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court. As you navigate the aftermath of your traumatic relationship, you struggle to understand where the mating bond went wrong and contemplate your path forward, vowing never to return to the past.

Find other parts here: Master List

To follow this fic, follow tag "Keep Moving Forwards Fic" or comment to be tagged in future parts.

Content Warning: This story contains depictions of extreme emotional manipulation and abuse, detailed descriptions of direct physical abuse, and scenes of men hunting women with implied sexual assault. Please read at your own risk.

Word Count: 2.6K

Author's Note: This is a multi-part series. Unlike my previous works, this fanfiction delves deeper than just fluff, exploring complex emotional landscapes. As I navigate this new writing journey, I kindly ask for gentle feedback. The topics addressed are profoundly impactful, touching many lives with diverse experiences. Please be gentle with yourselves and others. Healing is a journey, and everyone processes it differently. Be kind to yourself. Take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t.

Please continue reading, being aware of the above content warnings, ensuring you are in a healthy headspace. Give yourself time to process and be gentle with yourself.

The days stretched on into weeks and the absence of news about the conflict between the Night Court and Autumn Court gnawed at your stomach like a knot. You kept telling yourself that no news was better than bad news, but it did little to ease your worries. Trying to distract yourself, you threw yourself into community housing projects and outreach work. Living in the apartments now, you saw firsthand the changes that needed to be made - everything was too dull and lifeless. Despite hoping that residents would bring their own personal touches to make the place cozier, many of them had nothing more than the clothes on their backs. It was then that you decided to create a fund for hiring interior designers from Velaris' fashion districts to liven up the homes. However, many of them were hesitant to step foot into the lower end of the city, let alone work for its impoverished residents. But there were a few generous souls who gladly offered their time, resources, and expertise to help transform the complex. Plush carpeting, fresh paint, and cozy furniture slowly brought life back into the once dreary space.

Your days were now consumed with work, keeping busy whenever there was a moment of quiet. But despite your efforts, thoughts of Azriel lingered constantly. You wondered what he ate for dinner, if it was anything like the delicious chicken curry that one of the mothers had spent all afternoon preparing but didn't have enough ingredients to feed everyone. Did he reach for you in his sleep, searching for warmth and finding only cold sheets? Did he gaze at the moon and feel comfort knowing you were both living under the same night sky?

As promised, Rhysand came to the apartments three times a week, bearing trays of delectable desserts made by Elain and fabric swatches painstakingly chosen and sent by Nesta. Even though you often found yourself lost in thought, trying to discern the minute differences between the fabrics, Nesta still desperately sought your opinion on the nursery. It was an odd sight, seeing the High Lord of the Night Court seated in a too-small apartment, perched upon a rickety second-hand chair. The residents would bow down in reverence at his presence, but he would just give them a soft smile, urging them not to treat him as anything more than a visitor. You rolled your eyes at this statement, knowing all too well that those who saw him with such admiration would be shocked to see him lounging in an oversized chair in his library - feet propped up in pajamas while Nyx curled into his lap, both of their hair tousled from sleep. It was a familiar scene for you now. How had you become so intimately acquainted with the most powerful male in all of the Night Court?

Your conversations were solely focused on practical matters - discussions about the housing project, funding allocations, building permits and requests for aid. You often also worked on your shielding practice. But there was one question that lingered in your mind - if you were able to build up that barrier between you and your mate, could you return to the safety of the Townhouse, to Azriel? Although a part of you wanted to ask Rhysand for his plans regarding your future, you hesitated. You thought it better to live in the naivety that if you just worked hard enough on your shielding you might be able to go home instead of the more probably reality that even if you could keep everyone out, you wouldn’t be allowed back until everything had been resolved.

—

The bed was like a slab of concrete, the sheets coarse and rough against your skin as you lay on your side. The darkness of the room seemed to press in, with only the faint light from the streetlights outside casting long shadows of trees onto the ceiling. The branches swayed and scraped against the window, causing an eerie rhythm that matched the howling wind outside. You squinted at your clock, trying to make out the time. Was it nearing three in the morning? It felt like hours had passed since you crawled into bed, but sleep still eluded you. With a heavy sigh, you rolled onto your back, feeling the cool lace of your nightdress brush against your fingers. The blankets were suffocatingly warm, so you kicked them off, only to be met with a sharp chill from the drafty windows that refused to seal properly. Another thing to add to your never-ending list of things to fix within the apartments.

You slowly swung your legs over the edge of the bed, feeling the hard mattress beneath you as you sat up. Rubbing your tired eyes, you took a moment to adjust to the dimly lit room. With a sigh, you stood up and your toes touched the cold wood floor, sending a shiver through your body. Your back ached with exhaustion as you walked over to the desk on the other side of the room. Flicking on a small lamp, you pulled on the cozy wool cardigan that was draped over the chair, still warm from when you had thrown it there earlier in the day. The thick material hugged your body as you settled into the desk chair, surrounded by stacks of papers waiting to be sorted through. The desk was cluttered and much too small for all of your work, so instead of working there, you often spread everything out on the floor like a giant map. But tonight, it was too late for that, so you simply grabbed a fresh sheet of parchment and started writing a letter to a contractor who could potentially fix your broken windows.

As you wrote down a few words, a cool breeze brushed against your ankle, causing you to look down in surprise. But there was nothing there. You shook your head, pushing away any creeping feelings of loneliness or sadness. Brushing a strand of hair out of your face, you continued writing. Suddenly, another chill ran up your leg and you couldn't ignore it any longer. Pushing away from the desk, you got down on your hands and knees to investigate.

In the corner of the room, two shadows darted up the wall and disappeared into darkness. You let out a light laugh and whispered out into the empty space, "Hello." Your voice caused ripples in the darkness and for a brief moment, it seemed like something was stirring.

"It's okay," you whispered again, beckoning them closer. "Come down!"

One of the shadows hesitantly crept out from the darkness, moving along the top of the wall like a cautious cat. "Don't be shy," you encouraged with a soft laugh.

The shadow paused for a moment, its edges rippling and shifting in thought. Slowly, it started to make its way down the wall, eventually morphing into a thin line before dissolving into a pile on the floor. "Come on," you whispered, crouching down and reaching out your hand.

The other shadow, slightly smaller than the first, followed suit and slithered down the wall towards you. It stayed close to the floor, wrapping around your ankles as it cautiously approached. As it touched your fingertips, you could feel the coldness of its touch enveloping your hand in a grey fog. But as it recognized your touch, it seemed to gain confidence and began moving more quickly up your arm.

You couldn't help but giggle as the cool tickle of the first shadow joined by another, both climbing onto your lap and wrapping themselves around you. The first shadow seemed to have a mind of its own, making its way up your body until it reached your neck, sending a shiver down your spine with its chilly touch. It then weaved through your hair, lightly tugging at strands as it hid behind you while the second shadow curled around your thighs and settled in your lap.

"Did he send you?" You whispered. The shadows seemed to quiver with excitement and you took that as a yes. "Is he doing alright?" The shadows seemed to pause momentarily, their movements becoming more drawn out as if considering your question. You couldn't bring yourself to hope for good news as the shadow on your lap curled down towards the floor. Suddenly, it slithered over to the lamp, coiling around the adjustable arm and then rearing up as though it was looking right at you. You raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What?" The shadow continued its slithering path, occasionally stopping to seemingly look at you.

You stood up and approached the lamp where the shadow seemed to pause in its journey, staring back at you. "What do you want?" You asked, reaching out to touch the lamp and adjusting the arm slightly downwards. The shadow halted its movement so you stopped yours as well. But when you started moving the arm of the lamp back up, the shadow picked up its pace again. You soon realized that this was how it communicated. As you turned the lamp upwards, the light illuminated against the wall, casting bright rays against the otherwise bland beige paint. In what seemed like pure excitement, the shadow scampered down your arm and back up again before joining its companion on the wall.

You took a cautious step back, your eyes locked on the two shadows as they seemed to merge and shift against the wall. The darkness coalesced into a swirling mass, like ink spilled on a canvas, until it finally split apart into two distinct figures. The larger shadow moved to one side of the light while the smaller one slunk to the opposite, as if in a dance.

Feeling a chill run down your spine, you retreated further onto the bed and pulled the rough wool blanket over your legs. As you watched, transfixed, the larger shadow began to take shape - sharp edges forming and an image materializing before your eyes. It was a male figure, with wings that resembled those of a bat. Your heart caught in your throat as the other shadow also shifted into a silhouette of a female.

The two shadows turned to face each other, their postures mirroring that of two lovers leaning against a windowsill. But then, the larger shadow split into two smaller pieces that scampered across the wall towards the female figure. With awe, you realized that these shadows were telling you a story - how Azriel had sent them to comfort you in his absence.

A small smile tugged at your lips and you felt tears prick at your eyes - tears of joy and longing. But you quickly blinked them away as the shadows morphed once again, shifting back into their amorphous forms before intertwining in the center and taking new shapes.

This time, it was the familiar outlines of Azriel and yourself. The two shadows embraced, their arms wrapping around each other in an intimate embrace. You could almost feel Azriel's kiss pressed gently into your hair - just as he always did when you hugged.

The shadows danced and shifted, creating a mesmerizing display of figures in the dimly lit room. Azriel sat at his desk, his brow furrowed in concentration as he ran his hand through his hair - a nervous habit that you had grown to love. In one swift motion, he crumpled a piece of paper and tossed it away from the light, where it disappeared into the darkness.

You chuckled softly as the shadows transformed again, this time into the muscular form of Cassian with his signature half-up bun. Beside him stood Nesta, her pregnant belly rounded and glowing in the dim light. She delicately hung stars and moons onto a mobile, while Cassian worked on something below with a hammer in hand. The pile of materials suddenly transformed into a beautiful cradle, which Cassian proudly presented to Nesta.

So he had built it after all, you thought to yourself with a smile.

Cassian wrapped his strong arm around Nesta's shoulders as she rested her head against him, her hand gently tracing over her stomach. The scene before you was one of pure love and contentment, and you couldn't help but feel your heart swell at the sight.

The shifting shadows revealed Azriel, standing on a balcony overlooking the moonlit city below. The other shadow, representing the moon, soared upwards as Azriel reached out to touch it with one hand. But his posture was hunched and tense, back rising and falling as though it was sobbing. Your own tears mirrored his as you watched Nesta approach him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. The shadow of Azriel turned and fell into her embrace, continuing to cry.

The scene shifted once again, showing the shadow of Azriel and your own shadowy figure walking together, hand in hand in slow motion. As you continued walking forward, the shadow of Azriel suddenly stopped and reached back for you. Your shadow turned to face him and he rushed towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you up into the air with joy. A bittersweet laugh escaped your lips as the shadow of Azriel brought your figure close to his, pressing a tender kiss against your lips.

In another scene, the shadows depicted a family dinner with Cassian, Azriel, Rhysand, Feyre, Nyx, Lucien, Elain, and an empty chair. As the shadows sat down to eat and a somber silence settled over them, even little Nyx remained still in his seat. The shadow of Azriel looked towards the empty chair – your chair – and you could feel their longing for you.

Once more, the shadows shifted to show Nyx standing on a platform with Cassian, Azriel, and Rhys at the edge of a lake. The shadows moved like waves over the water as Nyx took a running leap off the platform, his small wings flapping furiously before giving out and sending him plunging into the water below. The shadow of Cassian erupted in laughter while the shadow of Azriel pretended to winnow down to rescue the little boy. The scene repeated a few more times until finally, Nyx took a running leap and his wings caught in the air, allowing him to flap upwards with pride. The shadows of the three males on the platform joined Nyx in the air, their wings unfurling in celebration. He had learned to fly, something Feyre had been so worried about.

The shadows danced and shifted, revealing scenes from your old life that you had never truly appreciated until now. Moments with Azriel stood out the most - curling up on the couch together, wandering through the vibrant streets of Velaris. As they settled into place, the cool touch of the shadows caressed your skin, causing a shiver to run down your spine. One shadow even reached out to brush away a stray tear rolling down your cheek. You let out a soft sniffle and whispered, "Thank you."

In response, the shadows seemed to flicker and settle further around you, as if trying to comfort you in their own way. You allowed yourself to fully absorb the sensation of being enveloped by them, knowing it was Azriel who had sent them, directing them to show you what you had missed and how much he longed for you.

Feeling grateful, you shared your own memories with the shadows, including a few moments that you knew would make Azriel blush for slightly different reasons. With a smile, you thanked the shadows once more and watched as they dissipated into the night, carrying your love and longing back to their master who was surely missing you just as much as you were missing him.

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@hauntedpiratenacho

[lonestarflight]

Proposal: Dyna-Soar/Little Joe II Suborbital Flight Test Program

Artist concept of Little Joe II/Dyna-Soar concept. (Convair)

"The X-20 Dyna-Soar program is often remembered as one of the biggest lost opportunities in the history of manned space flight. Evolving from the WS-464L Program, Dyna-Soar had great potential for use as a military space platform as well as civilian science laboratory. Unlike the earlier Mercury, Gemini and Apollo capsules that were single-use vehicles returning to earth under a parachute system, the X-20 was a winged vehicle, capable of landing on select runways, then refur- bished and utilized again.

Initial flight testing of the Dyna-Soar had the vehicle dropped from a modified B-52C, 53-0399, carrier aircraft to test atmospheric handling qualities and landing techniques. The USAF selected Ed wards AFB, CA, and White Sands Missile Range, NM, due to their natural runway surfaces. (AFTC History Office)

The initial phase of the X-20 flight test program had the vehicle dropped from high altitudes from a B-52C mothership to test atmospheric aerodynamic handing of the vehicle, as well as develop landing techniques at Edwards AFB, CA. The second phase of testing involved sending the X-20 on unmanned and manned orbital spaceflight test mis- sions powered by a Titan III rocket booster which left a large gap in the standard progression of flight testing. The Convair Division of General Dynam- ics proposed making suborbital test flights using a Little Joe II booster.

The Little Joe II was a clustered, solid-propellant rocket booster designed as unguided and controllable versions. The vehicle could accommodate one to seven, 40-inch diameter, 100,000-lb thrust, Aerojet Algol 1D solid rocket mo- tors. With minor modifications the im proved launch vehicle (IPLV) could ac commodate the more advanced 44-inch diameter Algol IIA motors.

Little Joe II had the reputation as a reliable work- horse of the early manned space program, testing Mercury and Apollo escape and recovery systems from various launch locations. The Little Joe II booster was a versatile rocket with capabilities not found on many systems of the day and could be adapted and configured for several different flight profiles.

This detailed dimensional drawing shows some of the modifications required for the Little Joe il booster in order to carry the Dyna-Soar test vehicle. In addition to the upper adapter fairing, the booster required larger aerodynamic stabilizing fins to compensate for the larger payload. (Convair)

Convair proposed making test flights of the Dyna- Soar/Little Joe II combination on an overland range between Edwards AFB, CA and the White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico. Launching from Edwards AFB provided a lakebed in case of an aborted launch . and emergency landing. Range instrumentation was already in place at both sites, keeping the range support cost to a minimum.

Two different versions of the modified Little Joe II booster

The Dyna-Soar test vehicle would be mounted atop the Little Joe II booster with a two-part transition fairing, gloved over the X-20 to minimize drag and would be jettisoned prior to separation. This variation of the Little Joe II booster required movable aerodynamic fins, larger than those used on standard Little Joe II launches.

A Boeing/USAF X-20 Dyan-Soar is boosted skyward for a suborbital test flight from Edwards AFB, CA towards White Sands Missile Range, NM, aboard a Convair Little Joe II. The larger stabilizing fins and aerodynamic fair- ing around the Dyna-Soar are noteworthy. (Convair)

Utilizing a standard Little Joe II booster, the X-20 could be propelled to a maximum speed of 10,000 fps (approximately 6,800 mph) at an altitude near 170,000 feet. With the improved Little Joe II launch vehi- cle, those figures would rise to a speed of 15,000 fps (approximately 10,200 mph) and an altitude near 200,000 feet. The entire flight covered approximately 582 nautical miles, with the booster impacting the desert floor just over halfway through the flight. The Dyna-Soar test vehicle would experience considerable aerodynamic heating during the reentry phase with the final landing on the alkali flats of the White Sands Missile Range.

The Dyna-Soar suborbital program required a minimum of five test flights: two unmanned flights utilizing the existing automatic guidance, and three manned flights. Convair projected the total price of the five-flight test program at $12.2 million, considerably less than the projected $18 million per flight for a Titan III booster (figures are in FY 1965 dollars)."

AFMC History & Museums Program HQ AFMC/HO 4225 Logistics Ave, RM S133-Wright-Patterson AFB 45433-5006-DSN: 713-1797

source

NASA ID: 63-Little Joe II-3

SDASM Archives: 86914210, 47209426

[laswells-ashtray]

this year I managed to work myself out of a depressive shut down episode and go back to college

lost my childhood cat in a tragic turn of events and then got orca later on. i'll never not miss Dixie, and i got a tattoo for her, but i've also got Orca now, and that hurts less.

legally change my name and separate myself from the one my mother gave me

get three tattoos and plan a fourth for my best pals birthday [matching lightning mcqueen tattoos]

finally got the balls to create a cod blog and make a space for myself on tumblr after months of being afraid that i was too autistic to be a part of the space

speaking of, got diagnosed with autism. several years later than intended, but we ball. ask me about jaws. ask me about the jawtism. do it.

got a working oven! which to everyone might be silly, but after a year and a half without one, you don't realise what you've missed

worked my arse off until i became the top of my childcare course in college

took my grandmother to the cinema for the first time in 44 years to see the Ghost movie, she enjoyed it, and i adored it.

and best of all, did drunken karaoke with my best friend which was videoed but i'll never be watching it.

wasn't the best year, but i dragged my arse through it alive and mostly well.

[erotomechanixxx]

my favorite releases of 2024 (in no particular order)

1. american standard - uniform

2. impossible light - uboa

3. stigma - wage war

4. excessive guilt - thrown

5. half living things - alpha wolf

6. five dice, all threes - bright eyes

7. only the stars know of my misfortune - isleptonthemoon

8. devoured by the mouth of hell - heriot

9. maggot mass - pharmakon

10. accabadora - poolside at the flamingo

11. ai grijă - calinacho

12. all you embrace - one step closer

13. american motor sports - bilmuri

14. ancient hymns of apocalypse - marrow of man

15. artificial bouquet - frail body

16. artillery from heaven - contention

17. as spoken - knoll

18. aumicide - atrae bilis

19. banshee - abruction

20. bloom & decay - dawn treader

21. calico dreams - sugar wounds

22. candela - svdestada

23. ceremonia - blanket

24. chameleon - traum ray

25. chromakopia - tyler, the creator

26. chronic illness wish - genital shame

27. coma - gaerea

28. conjuration of unlight - black circle sorcery

29. cool world - chat pile

30. coup de grâce - seeyouspacecowboy

31. cure - erra

32. death is a little more - boundaries

33. death of a rabbit - your arms are my coccoon

34. deathcore is dead - brojob

35. deceivers - oracle spectre

36. deep sage - gouge away

37. degeneration - wristmeetrazor

38. devoid of love & light - extortionist

39. disaster trick - horse jumper of love

40. distortion - future palace

41. ecclesia gnostica - aoratos

42. eclipsing through the eternal night - sanguine wounds

43. enchantment - raat

44. every bridge burning - nails

45. everyone’s a murderer - to the grave

46. exhibition of prowess - kublai klan tx

47. an exit exists - blind girls

48. the forest of forgotten dreams - under the frost moon

49. the fragile silence - together to the stars

50. a gathering of forgotten dreams - hoarfrost sky

51. gospel of the claw - wolven daughter

52. here, hear iv - la dispute

53. hiraeth - the wind covenant

54. house of the black geminus - akhlys

55. how the beautiful decay - lightworker

56. hymn to a dismal starre - winter lantern

57. hysterical abyss - archurahl

58. i love you - sadness

59. iechyd da - bill ryder jones

60. ii - deafening

61. the imperious horizon - winterfylleth

62. in bloom - waste

63. in honorem mortis - ad mortis

64. in light - evergarden

65. in the twilight grey - necrophobic

66. íncst - ehtëk

67. infinite mortality - replicant

68. into the realm - castle rat

69. irreducible fear of the sublime - occulta veritas

70. it’s inside you - candy

71. janis - vestige

72. kaer morhen - hekseblad

73. king - immortal desfigurement

74. leap of death - left to suffer

75. les chants de l’aurore - alcest

76. a liminal heart paints the deepest shade of serenity - vampirska

77. living is easy - agriculture

78. lust hag - lust hag

79. make them suffer - make them suffer

80. manual manic procedures - 200 stab wounds

81. negative spaces - poppy

82. my anti aircraft friend - julie

83. nadir - groza

84. new order of mind - dealer

85. next time - bacchae

86. no name graves - the last ten seconds of life

87. nocturnal will - dodsrit

88. nothing - corroding soul

89. the nothing that is - fit for an autopsy

90. now i see light - toe

91. obsidian wreath - infant island

92. oath - mono

93. of mourning - psychonaut 4

94. only one mode - speed

95. paleobotany - botanist

96. passions laid to rest - all that heaven allows

97. the periapt of absence - mother of graves

98. the precipice of an endless dream - twisted horn

99. prepare to meet thy god - daedalus

100. pro xristou - rotting christ

101. the prophetic silence - gråt strigoi

102. saa morkt saa mektig - unholy craft

103. sacrifice - olhava

104. satan soldier of fortune - departure chandelier

105. seed of a seed - haley heynderickx

106. social grace - brat

107. solace - blood pact

108. songs of a lost world - the cure

109. songs of blood and mire - spectral wound

110. sparagmos - spectral voice

111. suffer & become - vitriol

112. summoning the beasts in the night of lycanthropic moon - wampyric rites

113. todbringerin - ellende

114. telltales and rituals - chained arcana & knights of rain

115. triumphant son of darkness - primordial serpent

116. umbilical - thou

117. vended - vended

118. upharsin - blaze of perdition

119. verses in oath - hulder

120. visual kill: the blossoming of psychotic depravity - saidan

121. the voluptuous fire of sin - deathless void

122. wavering - dawn brought saviour

123. what lies ahead of me - all under heaven

124. what’s left unsaid - foreign hands

125. who are you when no one is watching? - graphic nature

126. wormwitch - wormwitch

127. you could do it tonight - couch slut

128. you won’t go before you’re supposed to - knocked loose

129. the twilight robes - they came from visions

130. shining - swallow the sun

131. she reaches out she reaches out she - chelsea wolfe

132. tragedy as catharsis - drive your plow over the bones of the dead