#lost clamp beach episode

[noa-ciharu]

Here comes the promised crack gay horny cliche beach episode. If you see plot holes that's the whole point. Long and somewhat suggestive so under cut.

xxxHolic:

Since time and space are subjective in xxxholic universe, Watanuki the whore version arrives first. If you wonder how he left the shop that's the first plot hole. I said time is relative but they showed up at 6am. Something about finding place on beach before everyone shows up. Moving on. He recalled time prior to slutification and how he was once on beach with Yuuko, Himawari and Doumeki. He tried to swim but since he weight the same as napkin he almost drowned. Doumeki recused him with 😐 expression. He ended up buried in sand and covered by sea waves. Yuuko refused to help. This flashback is necessary because we get a shot of Yuuko in red bikini.

Clamp please I'm begging you 👀🔥 🙏

Now that Yuuko is gone, Watanuki took everything of hers. Robe, pipe, wish granting shop - everything. Only natural he showed up in red bikini. Doumeki finds it hard to keep 😐 face this time around. Still he managed.... somehow. Watanuki may be a ho there but he's still dense. He asked Doumeki why he has tracksuit wrapped around waist. Himawari laughed, but Watanuki never figured out why. Still never mind that, he thinks, he made food for everyone. Just like last time on beach wind blows and sand gets into bento. Last time Watanuki was screaming outside, now he's just screaming inside. Power of slutification.

Himawari gets them sunscreen bc y'all just know all xxxholic characters would burn if they spend more than 5 mins on sun pale like that. Himawari asks Doumeki to put it on Watanuki but he refused. With 😐 face and tracksuit around waist. Go figure.

After taking girl pics together Himawari coaxes Watanuki into going into water. He might have undergone slutification but didn't weightgainification so first wave spirals him around like he's on carousel. That's all fine and dandy unfortunately bikini top falls off. That's what you get when you're flat as hell and wear Yuuko's bikini top Watanuki. Ofc he can't lose it so Watanuki carelessly splashes around to get it. He catches the bra eventually but only to realize 1) he's 30 meters away from shore 2) he still can't swim. Ofc Doumeki the personal bodyguard comes to rescue.

He puts Watanuki's head into his lap and performs CPR. Himawari goes all Tomoyo and takes pics of their first kiss. Finally Watanuki realized why Doumeki keeps tracksuit wrapped around waist.

Somewhere in heaven Yuuko is grateful for her red bikini. Clow asks her to wear one on after life's beach too, but she says only if he wears it first. They show up in matching bikinis. I'm not responsible for mental damage caused by that imagery.

TRC + CCS:

TRC gang shows up around 10 am. They have more common sense. Kurogane wanted 6am, Fai wanted to sleep till 2pm so they settled in the middle. They have Tsubasa and Mokona with them. Fai leaves in normal male swimwear but once they're on beach he says he has to change. Before Kurogane can express confusion Fai strolls towards changing booth. When he comes out he's on this:

Kurogane wants to die on spot for multiple reasons. However that's just beginning of Fai's hoeness. They paid for 3 longue chairs but only 2 are present (Watanuki experienced internalized biphobia after CPR and in fit of rage threw one at Doumeki. It ended up in sea), so they have to share. Fai insists Tsubasa has one for himself. You can imagine how sharing between Fai and Kurogane goes. Mokona tells Tsubasa to go get them all drinks... and take a while.

On the way to beach bar Tusbasa runs into Syaoran, Sakura, Tomoyo and some talking plushie. He thinks he's hallucinating due to sunstroke but then again he has talking pork bun (in Kurogane's elogent words) on his shoulder so touche. Sakura and Syaoran are all cute and blushing next to each other, it reminds Tsubasa of him and his Sakura (Tsubasa???) when they were kids and went to beach. Nearly drowned but Clow Reed pulled them out. Something about having to live through various timelines and things. Nevermind that, he's worried those two kids would pass our from heatstroke given how red in face they were.

Tomoyo is beside them taking pics and recording everything. She later posts it all on social media ofc. Tomoyo has been waiting for Sakura's beach episode, she's been designing her swimsuit for months. I've tried to find a pic that represents the costume in few mins but 5 min search isn't anything in comparison to 3 months of searching, designing and sewing. Power of lesbianism is unparalleled. Sakura sees Tsubasa and blushes hella hard bc is that how Syaoran would looks when he grows up??? She's 🥺😳🥰 but little Syaoran is jealous and hissing like a cat. Touya senses Syaoran is throwing a fit and comes to tease him further. Syaoran is so red in the face and pissed off he walked into ocean to cool down. He doesn't stop walking, just strolls down into ocean further and further. Plot armor is protecting him.

Yuki comes to pick up his bf and prevents him from throwing hands with 12yo. They're building sand castle and flirting with each other. They've been for it for 2 hours, put alot of effort in sand castle. They made this:

It's the flag that counts. Just as Touya is about to get over pinning phrase (but yes they're dating) and finally kisses Yuki, wave arrived and clushes the castle. Yuki pouts but angsting isn't his sphere so Yue emerges. Unfortunately not in bikini but his usual outfit. He pouts freely. Touya says fuck it he's too cute and leans in to kiss Yue but another cockblock wave arrives and catches Yue. Unlike Yuki Yue had those angel wings so he stands there like drenched cat, totally disgusted he's wet. Water personally offended him.

Tsubasa saw it all and is like "thank God my family is normal at least". Then he turns around and sees Kurogane swimming with Fai draped over him. Yes he's still in bikini. Mokona is also building a sand castle. In 15 mins she made this:

Tsubasa wonders if he's the only normal one there. He goes to grab another drink.

When he comes back he sees Fai putting sunscreen on Kurogane's back and moaning how "daddy is so strong". People around are video taping. Kurogane starts choking on pinata. Fai instantly performs CPR on him. Tsubasa goes for another drink.

TB/X:

Seals arrive at 5pm. Look, they're all teenagers, they all sleep till 2. What they wasted 3 hours on? Choosing appropriate outfit for Kamui ofc, they can't risk Fuuma potential showing up and seeing him in speedo. Or bikini. Aoki and Karen are with teen Seals too, to parent them. But they end up in beach bar and Aoki is more looking at Karen's legs than kids. Look, he's a rare straight man in X and it's Karen. Lack of reasonable adult supervision is needed for setting up a stage.

Kamui is having normal teenager moment for once (will it last? Ofc no) by playing around on ocean with Yuzuriha and Sorata. Arashi is dreadful about relaxing too much so she arrived in shorts, white tshirt and swimsuit underneath. Sorata is thirsting so he tries to splash her shirt but she moves out of way in last moment. Subaru is just arriving - he gets splashed instead. Subaru didn't plan on swimming so he showed up in normal clothes. Now he's forced to strip to boxers and wait for jeans to dry. Everyone is grateful ☺ Even Nandarou, who is on top of bar pretending to be a decoration, is like 👀🔥

In meantime Angels are chilling in Government building when out of sudden Seishirou insists they all go to beach like RIGHT NOW. Fuuma is like wtf but Seishirou explains Kamui is there too. In intresting clothing. Fuuma is already calling taxi for them all. Except Satsuki, she said fuck that power of friendship and gayship. Kusanagi isn't there bc reasonable adults being present will ruin the plot.

Aoki, Karen and Subaru are in the bar when suddenly they see Angels. They get in defensive stances (Subaru realizes he has 0 ofudas since he's in boxers only so he sits down embarrassed) but Fuuma is like "oh haven't you heard? It's a beach ep! It's anime rule no conflicts occur". Kanoe and Yuuto and Seishirou, who showed up in suit, stay in bar. Fuuma tells Kakyou he could use some skin tan so he pushes wheelchair in middle of the beach. He's given sunscreen but cant move wheelchair from all that sand. Still, since Fuuma showed up in these:

Kakyou thinks it's better to get hear stroke than see what Fuuma will be up to.

Seishirou is trying to woo Subaru by ordering him cocktails but it's both working and not. After hour of UST Seishirou recalls Subaru told him decade ago he can't swim, so he offers to teach him. Subaru, now tipsy, agrees. They're in water (😎 still in suit), but instead of gripping onto him all sexily in fear of drowning, Subaru accepts his fate. He falls below the surface and doesn't even try to raise up. That's where Seishirou suggests he teaches Subaru to swim in shallow waters first, like hotel private rooms jacuzzis. Noone sees Subaru for next 10 days. Each day for year of UST. Hokuto is having a field day somewhere in afterlife, Kotori is worried about her. She asks what happened and she's like "My OTP I died for became canon 🥳🥳🥳"

In meantime Nataku and Fuuma arrive to where teen Seals are. Fuuma sees Kamui and goes horny over roof. Seals are like there are other people around but that makes things better in Fuuma's opinion. Seals scream how they spent 3 hours choosing least kinky outfit for Kamui and yet it still didn't work. Kamui is in these btw

He bought them when they were 50% off. Hinoto told him they might come in handy one day. Kanoe confirmed so it must be true.

Sorata is trying to woo Arashi by being knight in shining armor (swimsuit) but remembers last second he's in water and his ability is electricity. So Fuuma pushes Kamui down the sand. Unfortunately they fall over Yuzuriha's sand castle so Inuki gets mad. Fuuma gets cockblocked by a puppy. But that doesn't stop his horniness. Nataku and Yuzuriha are both puzzled over Fuuma's swimsuit, especially now that front is in 3D. They wonder if it's really wish granting machine. Fuuma says that works only if you're Kamui. He's like "really? If I wish for apocalypse to be solved will I get my wish granted by rubbing? 🥺" and Fuuma is like "yes of course 😏". Unfortunately for Fuuma Sorata and Arashi saw what Kamui began doing so they pulled him away.

They had enough so they go to fetch the adults. They're all drunk and Subaru is missing. Sorata runs back to Arashi and yells Subaru is missing. "What a coincidence, Kamui is too". Sorata is losing his mind but then Yuzuriha (who befriended Nataku) says he's not missing, just Fuuma rolled him down on sand, it got into his swimsuit so Kamui went to changing booth to get it out. Good Sorata thinks. Then he sees Subaru being carried bridal style but completely drenched Sakurazukamori in suit and sunglasses at 42°C and that's it - he's hallucinating. From all running around sun got to him, theres no other. He sees some blond miserable twink in wheelchair and goes to ask him if he has sunscreen.

Kakyou says he gave it to Fuuma. Where's Fuuma then, Sorata asks. Kakyou tells him he went to change. Sorata counters back how there's only one changing booth. Kakyou signs and murmurs something that awfully sounds like 'fuck this gay Earth'. What the... Sorata pauses. Sorata thinks. Sorata realizes. Ah to fucking hell.

Arashi comes 30 mins later to tell him Kamui just informed her they don't need to worry about apocalypse. He solved it.

Do you know what all clamp mangas need?

Beach episode

FINALLY SOMEONE WITH SENSE

Imagine what we could have if seals and dragons decided to take a break on the end of the world and go to beach?? Imagine how feral fuuma would go on semi-naked Kamui and the other seals trying to horny Control him??

Imagine tsubasa chronicles if tsubasa, fai, kurorin and mokona ended up on tomoeda's Beach and ccs syaoran and Sakura were there with family???

And we haven't seen whore watanuki on beach yet, only school boy watanuki. WHERE IS MY WATANUKI WEARING YUUKO'S SWIMWEAR CLAMP

WHERE IS MY CHAOTIC AND ROMANTIC AND HORNY AND GAY SCENES CLAMP

[wielderofmysteries]

Jace Beleren, Masculinity, and the Trans Experience

(This post is a Twitter thread I wrote in response to a Goblin Lore podcast episode called “Jace Beleren and Toxic Masculinity”.)

I feel I have a unique perspective on this topic as a trans man. Trans man Jace isn't my headcanon, but it's an interpretation I love. He's my favorite character of all time, and as a trans man, I feel like reading Jace's flaws as toxic masculinity isn't quite right.

There are several "pillars" of toxic masculinity that Jace doesn't have. He doesn't have the self-destructive emotional repression, worship of sex and violence, or desire to subjugate women and his peers that men who experience toxic masculinity have.

Even BEFORE Ixalan, Jace was an example of many positive masculine traits. He was curious and emotionally open. He wrongly believed he could make decisions for others, but he cared for people, wanted to protect them, and couldn't sit idly by when he knew people were in danger.

In Agents of Artifice, he financially provided for Kallist and Liliana, and in Magic Story invited the Gatewatch to live in his home. Jace wanted to heal Garruk, tried to stop his rampage and had a Hedron implanted in Garruk's shoulder to relieve the effects of the curse.

"I don't want to hurt you, Garruk."

"Lucky for me, I don't feel the same way."

"Garruk, this is not a fair fight. You've suffered enough. Please. Come with me."

[...]

Jace stood in thought. Garruk held him by the throat, could end his life in an eye blink, had already proven he was immune to Jace's illusions. Garruk laughed again. If Garruk was open to having friends, then Jace might have been a good one.

"You win," said Jace. "We will leave you alone. I will not seek you out. But please, if you change your mind, come find us on Ravnica. Something is still not right here. We can help you."

In "Revelation at the Eye" Jace tells Ugin that Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved, and that it didn't matter if killing the Eldrazi has consequences, there are real people on Zendikar fighting for their lives and he needs to help them.

"Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved," said Jace. "It's a place. It's somebody's home. And those people are out there, right now, fighting for their world and wondering if anybody's going to help them kill what's killing them."

He showed scenes of suffering, then—of families mourning the lost, of landscapes ravaged by Ulamog, of even the skies and seas teeming with the Eldrazi menace.

Ugin cocked his head. The hedron architecture of the chamber seemed to melt and flow, became a pattern of tessellating dragons mocking him from the walls.

"So certain," said Ugin, "and so young."

Ral Zarek tried to kill Jace and ruined his relationship with his close friend Emmara, but in "Project Lightning Bug", Jace forgives him. Jace is honest about his feelings with Ral even after Ral was openly rude to him.

"I don't remember home," Beleren said quietly, unbidden.

"What?"

"You talked about growing up in Ravnica. A lot of my memories from my childhood are gone. Chopped up in my head into a few impressions. Most of what I remember begins here, on Ravnica. I'll never have roots here the way you do, and I admit I'm off to other planes a lot. But I think of myself as Ravnican to the core, too."

In Kaladesh block he wanted Chandra to be able to confide in him, and didn't want to stay home when he heard she could be in trouble. He used his mind magic to help Nissa sleep when she had a sensory overload in the busy city.

Nissa looked up. Jace and Gideon were exchanging a look. Both glanced at her.

They stood as one.

Jace turned toward the coat room. "I'll head to Kaladesh. It should be easy for me to—"

Lavinia appeared in his path, one hand resting on the pommel her sword. "Again?" she said, in a weary, disappointed tone.

He frowned up at her. "You can't expect me to sit here and do paperwork!"

Across the streets, beyond the barricades, the Consulate's panharmonicons are still blaring "The Gremlin's Wedding March" at us on infinite repeat at double speed. They left them on all night, and after the moon set Nissa started crying, hands clamped over her ears.

[...]

Jace sat down with her. They talked a minute and his eyes flashed. She curled up in a big potted plant and didn't wake up until the sun fell on her.

But what does being a man mean to Jace Beleren? Well, take a look at his feelings towards Gideon. Jace saw Gideon as the male ideal. I think Jace admires (and is envious of) the way Gideon is a representation of positive masculinity.

Eyes widened, jaws set. They understood their task, he was certain of that. But were they actually prepared to perform it?

What would Gideon say?

Jace smiled. Of course.

"For Zendikar," he said, raising one fist in the air. It felt thin to him, lacking Gideon's armored fist, his baritone war cry, his iron conviction.

None of that mattered. The soldiers shouted as one voice, holding their weapons aloft.

"For Zendikar!"

Gideon is not violent or hypersexual. He's kind, not afraid to ask for help, a defender rather than an aggressor. The pillars of toxic masculinity are absent in both Jace and Gideon. So why does Gideon's mere presence make Jace insecure? I think that insecurity is dysphoria.

I'm only 5 feet tall. People treat me like a kid, think I need help, and certainly don't see me as a man because I'm very small. It feels bad knowing my looks don't inspire others or make them feel safe like big tall guys can.

Gideon is super tall, muscular, conventionally attractive. He's charismatic and a natural leader. Gideon's like a human lighthouse. Jace is average height, out-of-shape, often pale and sickly, and his telepathy makes people automatically distrust him.

It's easy to see why people follow Gideon's lead so easily rather than Jace's. As a trans man, I personally related to Jace's insecurity. He feels inadequate compared to Gideon.

"I'd rather stand," said Gideon.

Jace stood up. It was an error. He still had to crane his neck to look Gideon in the eye, and now the size difference between them was glaringly obvious. He hated feeling small. Hated it.

Jace wanting to lead the Gatewatch didn't come from a desire to dominate others and be an ~alpha male~, but from a desire for people to believe in him. What Jace really wants is to prove to himself and others that he's competent and that he can be trusted.

This vision appeared whenever the man was struggling at a task.

[...]

"Listen, you aren't really suited to this task. Let me handle it." The vision's voice was gruff but friendly.

It came off as condescending.

The man was annoyed.

"I can do it myself."

The hallucination sighed. "You and I both know you're not suited to this. Let me handle it, you go philosophize on the other end of the beach."

"I said I can do it myself." The man let his irritation reach his voice.

"No, you can't. I call the shots and execute, you stand to the side. That's how this works."

The man responded by throwing his hook at the hallucination. It went straight through the figure's eye and landed behind him on the sand.

The time he spends with Vraska is so good for him! I loved that [the podcasts hosts] talked about how he was finally happy to follow someone else's lead! He didn't need to be a leader, he needed someone to trust him. She respected and loved him and thought he was incredible for who he is.

Vraska looked him in the eye. "You're incredible. You know that, right?"

Jace returned her smile and felt his cheeks warming. "I do my best."

"Well, your best is incredible," Vraska said, turning toward the central tower and approaching a large gate on what appeared to be its back side.

Liliana never told Jace he was incredible.

Liliana would have scoffed. She would have made a dismissive joke, rolled her eyes, and called him a show-off. She would not bother to talk to him for days. She would consume the body of a demon with a crocodile's jaws and laugh over the sound of its flesh tearing off. She would do all sorts of things, but she would never call him incredible.

It was important for Jace to get that validation. Now he's not insecure about his appearance. It's not that he finally developed into someone who was caring. He was caring all along, but he was held back by insecurity about how others perceive him. He learned to love himself.

Despite all his good qualities and deeds he still felt insecure because it wasn't easy to visually see him as a "strong man". I think it's important to acknowledge positive masculinity even when the man in question isn't attractive or charismatic, and even if he makes mistakes.

As a trans person, Jace's experience reminded me of the struggle to "pass". It's frightening how easily insecurity can turn into toxic masculinity when you feel different from "real men". If you don't look the part, some people will just never acknowledge you.

Next to 'perfect' guys like Gideon, it's easy to see our own perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. Easy to feel resentment for it. But from this struggle comes the strive to be better men, to be confident in ourselves, and comfortable in our bodies.

There's SO much I wanted to talk about, like how Jace's trauma shaped his need for control, how the IRL gamer guys he was created to represent actually hate him, how he's a male victim of abuse by a female partner, etc but this thread is already terribly long.

TLDR; I think toxic masculinity as a reading of Jace is missing some perspective. The trans perspective. Not all insecurity men experience is toxic masculinity. Sorry I totally should have waited until part 2 was out, but I couldn't stop thinking about that episode.

There's a lack of trans men's voices in... basically everything, and this is something I think we should definitely be included in. I'm so grateful for the Vorthos community opening these kinds of discussions. Super excited for part 2 of the podcast!

[musubiki]

limochi first kiss?

ooh gosh,,..the pressure...,,...ill jus talk about one beta version that i keep thinking about,,,,,

- so this definitely happens during the main story, most likely post-timeskip because im 100% taffy is there too and also on their side

- its also a mermaid episode because theyre called sirens for a reason

- but anyway, it happens in the middle of a fight with the mermaids. why are they fighting?? i dont know. the witches and mermaids hate each other. its just one of those fights.

- but the mermaids specialize in a siren spell thats capable of entrancing/hypnotizing males (has no effect on females), and it CAN be broken other ways, but in the middle of a fight the fastest way is a kiss

- and the spell becomes a huge problem because 1) 3/5 guild members are boys, and without them only coco is really equipped for any combat next to water, and 2) these boys will be drowned if theyre lured deep enough into the water

- and when mochi tells coco how to break the spell, cocos is like “Oh, no problem!” and she just grabs taffys collar and JUST KISSES HIM, and then DOES THE SAME TO OSCAR!!!!! (and theyre both broken out of it but also like “?!???!????/////?!?/?!/” taffy is not okay.)

- and coco shouts over to mochi something to the effect of “Now go take care of lime!” and mochi like. clamps up. her face is all red. shes panicking about stupid things in the middle of a huge problem. arguing back like “me??! with lime?? right now?!”

- and coco turns into the bad cop mom friend YELLING scoldings at mochi like “THIS ISNT THE TIME TO GET SHY WHATS WRONG WITH YOU” while mochi yells back about how theres gotta be another way or something

- and coco is like, “Damn it, mochi! if you dont get over there and kiss that boy IM GONNA DO IT and NO ONE WILL ENJOY THAT-” which mochi follows up with a frustrated and embarrassed “FINE!!” as she stomps over angrily to lime, (who, by the way, is being lured into the dark water with each passing moment )

- so mochi grabs him by the front of his jacket, and forces him to turn his head to her, and she mutters out a quiet “This is not how i wanted this to go.” and the next moment she pulls him down and props herself on her tip-toes and kisses him.

- the spell breaks and he regains consciousness as soon as her lips meet his, but the kiss lingers. for lime its one of those “for a moment i had no idea whats going on, but the love of my life is kissing me so ive lost all ability to think or reason why,” and he enjoys it. a lot.

- his hands fall on her waist and he leans into the kiss. squeezes her up against him. his lips follow hers when she pulls away. she broke the spells but now hes dazed for another reason. he unconsciously mutters out a soft “Oh...wow...” and theres hunger dripping in his tone.

- he tries to lean in to kiss her again, but theyre actually reminded that they are, in fact, in the middle of a fight, when some projectile almost whacks them in the head

- the fight ends up okay. mochi and lime. are not ok

- catch lime sitting on the floor outside the beach house where theyre staying for the episode, leaning against the wall, trying not to think about it but failing horribly. horny energy

- the Awkward Interactions(tm) that follow, complete with accidentally brushing each other resulting in frantic, loud, and embarrassingly overt apologies, making eye contact for .2 seconds and whipping their heads the other way, fidgeting, barely talking, and coco just eating popcorn in the back giggling evilly

- (taffy and oscar were also Not Okay(tm). coco was fine. shes was just “what bro its just a kiss lmfao” and taffys trying not to just. implode.) 

- mochi keeps thinking about the way he kissed her back. the way his hands clutched at the fabric of her sweater. what he muttered afterward. she kinda wants to talk about it to clear the air but theres nothing to say.

- i dont know how this episode ends i just know this probably happens 

[luciferloveschloe]

things i wrote

since we can do pinned posts now, i thought i’d do a little masterlist!

see, i’ve come to burn

1.5k words, 1/1 chapters,explicit, no warnings apply

relationships: chloe decker/lucifer morningstar

tags: fuckruary2020, sub lucifer morningstar (lucifer tv), dom chloe decker, dom/sub, sensory deprivation, nipple clamps, pov lucifer, wings, orgasm delay, femdom, established relationship, established chloe decker/lucifer morningstar, praise kink

quote:

Her gentle hands trailed over his skin in long, slow strokes, down his sides and legs, up his arms and back down to his stomach. One, two, three times, until his whole body felt warm and his throat felt tight.

and now all your love

1k words, 1/1, explicit, no warnings apply

relationships: chloe decker/lucifer morningstar

tags: fuckruary 2020 (lucifer tv), light dom/sub, sub lucifer morningstar (lucifer tv), dom chloe decker, anal fingering, anal play, established chloe decker/lucifer morningstar

quote:  When she turned soon after, she found Lucifer with his head propped on his elbow, breathing still uneven like hers, watching her with a dazed grin on his lips. He lay stretched out against too expensive black satin sheets, gloriously naked – and somehow, even after everything they had just done – aroused. “Babe, you’re still hard.”

so long and lost

1k words, 1/2, general audiences, no warnings apply

relationships: chloe decker/lucifer morningstar

tags: angst, episode: s02e14 candy morningstar, i'm sorry

quote: “You lied on that damned beach. You lied when you cared for me when I was poisoned. I– I still don’t know how you helped Dan with the antidote, but you– You lied when I woke up, too. You lied and you tricked me, and I should never even have trusted you to begin with and you– You don’t even deserve my tears. I mean, did all of that mean nothing to you? Was anything even real?!”

of holy things

4.5k words, 1/1, explicit, no warnings apply

relationships: chloe decker/lucifer morningstar

tags: fake/pretend relationship, feels, porn with feelings, first time, hand jobs, vaginal fingering, edging, soft lucifer morningstar (lucifer tv)

quote: He clears his throat, and it’s too loud in the small space, jarring. She’s studying him with her sea foam eyes, curious, and she has no right to be so beautiful in her simple white blouse and black jeans. His heart still thumps in his chest, and he needs to touch her, to be touched by her again, so very badly. The Devil, tempted.

the only miracle that mattered

1.8k words, 1/1, general audiences, no warnings apply

relationships: chloe decker/lucifer morningstar

tags: love confessions, light angst, emotional hurt/comfort, touch-starved

quote: “Lucifer!” “Detective, I– I’m sorry, did I wake you?” The subtle strain in his voice made her sit up straighter immediately, wiped the smile from her face. “No, Lucifer, you didn’t actually. I was just going to– Nevermind. Is something wrong?“ “No, well– Yes. Detective, I– I need to talk to you. And I know you have no desire to see me right now, and I understand, I do, and it’s the middle of the night, I know, but I– I just need to.” His voice broke on his last words, and his obvious despair made her stomach twist. Had she done this?

[moonlightreal]

Winx Club season 8/23

In which the foreshadowing doesn’t happen.

23 Between the Earth and the Sea

Alfea!  Ooh, more potions class!  Tec and Aisha have five minutes to prepare an elixir, but Aisha is distracted.  “Are you online, Aisha?”  Aisha decides careful measuring doesn’t matter and dumps in the whole test tube, and the potion explodes in Palladium’s face.  Our girls have flunked the test!

Tecna is pissed. Aisha says at her pace they wouldn’t have had anything to turn in. “everything has to be perfect” vs “trust your instincts.” the two are glaring lightning at each other when the star case appears to break up their feud.

The Winx go outside to hear the wishing star’s message, and we get a ground-level shot of the round gazebo with a moat around it.

“Corallia is an ancient star belonging to the oceanic constellation.” Tec reports, and I guess that’s where we’re going.  But we didn’t hear the box’s riddle!  there’s always a riddle!

Team evil is watching.  Valtor is on his throne with Icy and Stormy perched on the arms and Darcy at his feet.  Heh, he looks annoyed at having all the girls crowd him. They overheard Stella talk about wanting to go to a beach on Corallia, and the Trix gloat that they always take missions seriously.  Good point, actually.  Icy wants to get to Corallia first, but then Valtor stands up and says he thinks the Trix could use a vacation.

Well that’s unexpected.  

Valtor wants to go get the star himself, since the Trix blew it last time.  Well I guess it is getting close to the end of the season, if he’s gonna leave the house now is the time!  He chuckles and walks through a portal.  

Icy’s pissed. Stormy floats herself up and lounges on Valtor’s throne, Darcy floats back to sit on the armrest, and here’s an interesting conversation.  Icy’s angry at being cast aside, but it turns out Valtor can dump them back in limbo anytime he wants.  The two of them are in Valtor’s good graces for getting him prime stars.

Icy just snaps, “You two keep quiet!”  She sounds angry but that is one weak comeback.

Cut to… ocean! Surf music!  Winxboarding!  Occurs to me suddenly that the boards, with their hand-hold bar, must be meant for really little kids, like almost-toddler age.  Older than that and the boards would just be skateboards with nothing to hold on to.  Is that the target age for my show?  I feel embarrassed suddenly… oh wait, no I don’t.  I love whatever show I love.

Cute byplay with Stella saying they should do this more often and Bloom saying, “what, embark on a life threatening mission to save the magic universe?” Stella’s happy with life threatening missions as long as it’s on a beach.  I dunno, has your life been threatened much?  Last episode was a dance contest.

Beach!  Bitey hermit crab comedy!  Stella comedy!  

Then the girls arrive at what looks to me like a forest of fungus that grows off the sides of trees, but the girls think it looks like a coral forest. Only it’s not underwater.  The star box compass wobbles around and then the box disappears.  No help finding this star!

Aisha wants to search in the water ‘cause she wants to swim, but Tecna points out that the compass only moved here on the island.  Musa suggests splitting the party but flora says better not since the Trix are sure to be around.

Then… surfer lumens!  Grass skirts, lies, and lil surfboards.  They’re happy to have guests and Tecna says Corallian lumens are famous for their hospitality.

Stella fashion spells the girls into the cute jacket-skirt-hat looks we’ve seen before.  Not an island look, so we know there’s no island doll line.

I totally have a Malibu Barbie.  Speaking of island doll lines.

The girls visit the surf lumen village and meet another bitey hermit crab.  I like bitey hermit crabs.  The lumens introduce their leader, Duchess Coraline, and the girls are presented with drinks and hammocks.  Bloom tells Coraline about their mission, and Musa says the star is hidden in a place where there’s “symmetry between light and shadow.”  So there was a riddle, my video must’ve glitched.

Aisha says in the sea there’s balance between the light above and darkness below, but Tecna wants to check out the volcano.  They glare.  Now Bloom says they can split the party.  Stella ends up climbing the volcano and she’s not too happy.  Bloom thought she’d be distracted on the beach.  Heh.

They get to the top of the volcano and there’s something bright inside… Tec says it’s Corallia’s star core.  Then some lava golems pop up!  (muggle spellcheck doesn’t know “golems.”)

Cosmix time!  Tec says they golems are just guarding their territory so we can’t hurt them, just distract them.  Stella gets that job.  Fighting… more lava golems come up.

Deep in the crater surf lumens guard the core.  Valtor walks out of his portal right next to them.  And says “Boo!”  Sigh.  Surf lumens flee in terror.  Valtor catches them in a spell bubble and throws evil magic at the core, turning it dark purple.  Hmm.

What if: Valtor is still running out of starlight and came to recharge himself because he doesn’t want the Trix to find out.  they’d totally take advantage of his weakness if they knew.

Down on the beach Aisha tells some bitey hermit crabs what they’re looking for.  They go into the water and Aisha is “sure the prime star is at the bottom of the sea.”  so why not use Sirenix?  Hermit crabs bring back a boot, a vase, and an anchor.

Tecna lands to ask for help with the lava golems.

Then she sees a… shell?  I think it’s a big clamshell with purple patterns on it. It is symmetrical so tecna thinks it could be symmetry between shadow and light.  Aisha tries to pry it open.  Tec tries to magic it open. The shell is halfway between the sea and land.  When the girls realize this, the shell opens and the star is released!  Tecna gets it and it’s floating towards the star case when… a metal sphere clamps around the star, falls to the ground and starts to roll away. What the heck?  Tecna flies after it, but there’s Valtor!  He made star-grabber balls to catch the stars for him!  

Aisha grabs the ball with her morphix, because she’s great.

Oh no, the volcano’s erupting!  Valtor set it off.

Valtor does the choice thing again.  Save the star, or this island and the surf lumens.  Aisha hesitates, but Tecna says they need to save the island.  

Everybody transforms, but it’s too late!  Eruption!  Tecna takes charge, ordering Flora and Aisha to lumen village rescue while she and Musa go find Stella and Bloom, last seen at the crater.  Aisha and Flora do some good rescuing with their magic and the lumens get to safety.

The other four meet up and Stella tries to drop a shield over the volcano, but it’s too strong for them.  Tecna realizes they have to fix Corellia’s core, and that means going into the erupting volcano.

So they fly down. Tecna uses “virtual shell” to protect them from the smoke and “cosmix analysis” to see what Valtor did to the core.  She drops her shield with them in it over the core and the girls use cosmix power to fix the star core.  Yay!

The lava golems and lumens come to say thanks.

But we lost the prime star!  Aisha is upset.  Stella says they lost the battle but not the war and , ‘Valtor will never win!”  Well he’s already HALF won, Stel, you should be somewhat worried right now.

Tecna and Aisha have a moment on the beach about “where land and sea are in perfect balance” and they hug and it is very very shippy!

Valtor comes home with his star.  Only one more to go!  He gloats about how son he’ll have his wish granted, to be the most powerful sorcerer in the magic universe!

Icy, watching behind a pillar, snarls.

Next time: this is it, folks!  We’re going to a planet called Dyamond!  ...and the foreshadowing never happened.

[falseroar]

Anniversaries Prequel: A Little Magic

((In the middle of everything else going on this week, it’s the one year anniversary of the beginning of my WKM fanfic, Can You Wake Up? which has kind of kept going throughout the past year in other series. So to celebrate, here’s this short Anniversaries series. There’s only four parts (not counting this one), but they’re a little (or a lot) longer than normal, because I wanted them to come out on specific days.

Also you should know I nearly called this series the Beach Episodes.))

“So, that’s the general idea,” Marvin said. His bright blue eyes, highlighted by the cat mask he wore, flickered back and forth between the two of you. “We just need to test it out.”

Jameson twisted his mouth as he considered the magician’s offer and spoke, his voice silent but a speech slide with his words flashing before Marvin and yours eyes after a slight delay. “Sounds fascinating, but are you sure it’s safe?”

“I’ve done the research and the spell itself is good, we just need to make sure the timing delay works.” He looked at you as he added, “The last thing we want is any surprises on the big day.”

You nodded, even though you could understand why Jameson looked so nervous. Something about this spell Marvin had dug up just in time sounded too good to be true, but then you weren’t sure how long he had been searching for it, either.

“And,” Marvin added as he held up another book, “I have a reversal spell right here if it doesn’t go back the way it should.”

Jameson tapped his finger on the long table that took up most of the space in the room. As far as you knew, the conference room in the Septic ego house was barely used outside of the occasional Bro Average video shoot, and Marvin had claimed that it would give you all more privacy than the other rooms. Plus, it gave him extra space to spread out all of the books and materials that he apparently needed for this spell.

“I still don’t see how this can work as a surprise if we need all of this,” you said, and the magician shrugged.

“We already know who we want it to affect, and for how long. Knowing that much, I can easily set it up beforehand so it can be triggered at the right time, even by someone else.”

“But why an hour?” Jameson asked Marvin. He glanced at you, his brow furrowed. “That seems like a long time!”

“It’s a nice, round number, and easy to scale,” Marvin answered. He grinned and added, “Plus, it’s just long enough for us to have some fun if it does work…Or, you know, fix it before we get in trouble or risk spoiling the surprise.”

His smile faded as he locked eyes with you and added, “Of course, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Y/N.”

“No, I want to at least try,” you said and, seeing that Jameson was still concerned, added, “I’ll be okay, really.”

He returned your smile out of reflex, but he still seemed less than sure as he said, “Then take it away, magic man!”

Marvin nodded and began to read aloud from the thick leather volume that took up most of the space in front of him. The words blurred together into a variety of whispers and it was hard to keep the masked magician sitting across the table from you in focus. Beside you, Jameson also blinked and shook his head as if trying to stay awake.

But it was when Marvin turned the page without pausing for breath that you felt something lurch in your stomach and had to lean forward, your forehead almost touching the table, to keep from being sick as the room spun around you. It wasn’t until the speech slide flashed across your vision that you realized the spinning and the spell had stopped.

“Golly! …That don’t look right, Marv.”

For a moment, you wondered how you had ended up on the floor as you stared down at the polished wood beneath your hands and knees, but it slowly occurred to you that there was carpeting in the conference room, not hardwood floors. You looked up and the room seemed to twist again before settling into the image of Marvin across the wide expanse of the table between you, his mouth open but no sound coming out, and the shape of Jameson looming large to your left and behind you.

Both stared down at your small form as you slowly got up to your feet and patted yourself down. Aside from the size, you otherwise seemed fine.

“…Marvin?” you asked, and a choked sound came from the magician before he clamped a hand to his mouth.

“Mark is going to kill me. Dark is going to kill me…They’re going to fight over who gets to kill me first.”

“Or maybe they’ll team up and do it together,” Jameson added, receiving a glare from Marvin in response. The ego leaned down so that he was on eye level with you and you quickly backed up until you were around the center of the table. That close, Jameson was just too big. “How do you feel?”

“Better now that the spell’s stopped, but…” You gestured down to yourself and turned around to face Marvin. “What went wrong?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know! It should have worked, I went over it again and again, I—” Marvin paused in the act of flipping the page back to the start of the spell. With a dawning sense of horror, he turned the page again before using his thumb to peel apart what turned out to be two pages, stuck together by…yeah, you don’t want to think about what was sticking them together. He groaned and his forehead hit the table with a thump so hard it nearly shook you off your feet. “I mixed two spells together.”

“Can you fix it?” you asked and felt a sudden surge of relief when you heard the muttered yes come from the magician’s slumped form.

He tilted his head up so that his chin now rested on the tabletop and studied you for a moment. “A simple growth spell should do it?”

You exhaled through your teeth and said, “Not really sounding sure there, Marvin.”

“Don’t worry, I can fix this,” he said, making an effort to sound more sure of himself as he sat up and began flipping through the second book. The frantic flipping of the pages sent breezes of air your way that smelled of dust and old paper, and you had to turn away to keep from coughing or sneezing.

“Well, now we know if the first spell doesn’t work, we always have a backup plan,” Jameson said. He reached out carefully with a single finger and gently, gently touched the top of your head. “A tiny Y/N would make for an adorable birthday present!”

“Knock it off!” you said, pushing his finger away but trying not to laugh. “I don’t think I’d ever live it down if the others saw me like this.”

“Ah, we can fix this before any of the others find out, and definitely before I get into trouble,” Marvin said, just a split second before someone knocked on the door.

The world around you went dark as Jameson dropped his bowler hat on top of you, and through the fabric you could hear the clatter of chairs knocking back before Marvin asked in the guiltiest voice ever, “Who is it?”

“Howdy bitches!” You heard the giggle that immediately followed that greeting and didn’t need the speech slide from Jameson to realize who it was.

“Jack! What brings you around here?”

“I thought I’d drop in for lunch with you guys today,” Jack said, by the sound of it walking fully into the room. “Huh, I thought Schneeps said Y/N was in here with you two.”

“They, uh, had to go home early—” Marvin said, just as Jameson’s speech slide crashed into view with the words, “They went to their room—”

Both stopped short, and the three of them failed to see you facepalm in the darkness beneath the hat before you reached underneath the brim and lifted it up and over until the hat rolled back.

“Hey, Jack,” you said, and he immediately clamped a hand to his mouth. Well, now you knew where Marvin got that gesture from.

“I can fix it?” Marvin said, one hand tugging nervously on the corner of his blue cape.

“Marvin was trying to help me with a spell,” you said quickly, before Jack could say anything to the ego. “We were just testing it out, and something went wrong.”

“Just a LITTLE wrong,” Jameson said and grinned when Jack couldn’t fight back a smile at that.

“You…” Jack swallowed back whatever he was going to say, looking a little disappointed in himself for laughing at that. “What have I told you about trying out your magic on the others?”

“Have a camera running in case it’s funny?”

You shot Jack a look and he shrugged. “Funny’s funny. Can you really fix it?”

“Just a simple growth spell,” Marvin said again as he turned back to his book. “Just give me a second.”

“Then I’m going to do this,” Jack said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Don’t you dare,” you warned, but he’d already snagged one picture, and then he and Jameson were kneeling beside the table, camera angled to catch you standing behind them.

“You guys suck,” you said after he was done, as if you didn’t stick your tongue out or make faces in more than one of those pictures.

“Okay, got it!” Marvin said, and pointed his finger at you as he began to read from the second book. You saw green sparks fly around his finger, but when he finished the returning back to normal thing failed to happen. He tried again, and again, before dropping the book and sinking back into his chair with a groan.

“…Mark might actually kill us,” Jack said and the magician’s head hit the table.

“I should have stuck to card tricks.”

“But you’re much better at real magic than that flim-flam sleight of hand!”

Marvin muttered something dark into the surface of the table.

“Marvin?” You called his name but the ego just groaned again. You looked up at Jack and Jameson, both of whom looked completely lost as to what to do now, and walked over to Marvin. It took several seconds to cross the distance of the table before you could reach out and pat the top of the magician’s head. Your arm sank halfway up to your elbow in his long green hair but he shifted slightly, showing that he at least felt it. “I know you can figure this out. You’re Marvin the Magnificent, right?”

“…That’s what it says on my underwear.”

“Could’ve gone without knowing that,” you said, and the ego chuckled.

“Perhaps we could take a second look at the original spell?” Jameson suggested. “Or spells. You said you had a way to undo one of them.”

“Well, I had a way to undo what the spell was supposed to do, in case the timing effect failed—”

Marvin looked up so quickly that his forehead knocked you off your feet and you had to cling to the top of his cat mask for support, only to have the table disappear from beneath your feet.

Marvin hissed and quickly caught you in his hand before you could fall. “Sorry about that, but I just realized, the hour effect, see?”

He put you down on the book and pointed at the first part of the spell, as if any of the words scrawled beneath your feet had meaning for you.

“Uh, what?” Jack asked.

“The spell, I was testing how it would respond to a kind of timer,” Marvin explained. “All we have to do is wait an hour from when I cast it, and it should wear off!”

“You’re sure?” you asked, wary of getting your hopes up this time.

“Yes, yes, it makes sense, the timing and who it’s supposed to affect are in the first parts of the spell; it’s just when I turned the page that I missed what it was supposed to actually do.” Marvin ran his finger down the page as he spoke and then flashed a smile at you. “I’m sure of it. All we have to do is wait an hour.”

You frowned, thinking about what Marvin said. “But why did it just affect me then?”

The magician shrugged. “It could be a side effect of mixing the two spells. It was supposed to affect one of you and then the other, but it’s not like there was anything to transfer in this case.”

Jameson pulled out his pocket watch and tapped it before saying, “I told you an hour seemed like a long time!”

Jack exhaled and it was only then you realized just how worried he had been. “But we can handle that, and no one needs to tell—”

He broke off as a tune started to play somewhere in the room. At the same time, you felt the vibrations running through the table and book beneath your feet and glanced back at your phone, normal-sized and lying where you left it by your seat.

Jack leaned over to look at it and said, “It’s Wilford.”

“Yeah, I better answer it,” you said. Last time you missed a call from him, he barged into the room you were in with his gun drawn, reciting lines from Taken. Not the best way to wake up at 3 in the morning.

Jack propped up the phone and you had to use both your hands to get the green answer button to respond and to turn on the speaker so he could hear you.

“Hey Wilford,” you said, and immediately had to clamp your hands over your ears when he responded in his usual loud, booming voice.

“Y/N! Where are you, you scamp?”

“I’m at the Septic egos’ house today, remember?” you said, taking a step back from the phone as you did so.

The distance didn’t help as Wilford’s voice boomed out again. “Well, get back over here! We’ve got things going on here, you know!”

“Uh, I’m kind of busy here, Wilford,” you answered. “If this is about the meeting—”

“Meeting?! We have a meeting today? You should have told me, I’ll be there in a second to pick you up!”

“No! I mean, no, that’s okay, Wilford,” you said, trying really hard to ignore the other three right now. “Mark said he could handle the meeting by himself this time, remember? And you’ll be there to help him, right?”

“You know, it almost sounds like you don’t want me coming over there,” Wilford said, laughing even as his tone changed.

You looked up at Jack and the two egos, who silently tried to gesture and mouth answers all at once. Even Jameson was avoiding using his speech slides, as if afraid Wilford might “hear” him.

“That’s because…I’m working on a surprise for someone else, with the Septic egos,” you said. “And I really need to keep it a secret from the others. You understand, right?”

“Oh, a secret,” Wilford said. “Say no more, Y/N, I can keep a secret better than anybody! Why, I can even keep a secret from myself if I want to, and don’t even get me started on keeping secrets from the audience.”

“…Okay? I mean, thank you for understanding, Wilford, I—”

“I’ll just be by to pick you up after the meeting’s over!”

Before you could respond, he hung up and the phone went back to its lock screen.

“…I really hope you’re right about that time thing, Marvin,” you said, trying hard not to imagine what Wilford might do if he found you this size.

“I suppose we have nothing to do but wait,” Jameson said, but then a mischievous grin crossed his face and he scooped you up in hands. “And use our remaining time to show the others!”

Your protests were soon drowned out by Dr. Schneeplestein, Jackieboy Man, and Chase cooing over you as Jameson proudly showed you off.

“You all. Suck. So much,” you said when he finally put you down on the coffee table in the living room.

Your only consolation came roughly forty-five minutes later, when it turned out that Marvin was right about the spell only lasting an hour and you were back to normal size, if a little embarrassed to be sprawled out on the couch on top of Chase.

Well, maybe not your only consolation.

After all, it turned out that Marvin’s spell had worked even better than he thought, if not quite in the right way. Jameson crossed his arms as he dangled by his vest from Jackieboy Man’s thumb and forefinger, his speech slide a little faded as he said, “An hour is way too long!”

“He might be right,” Marvin said to you quietly as the two of you stood and watched the others at a distance. “Are you sure about an entire 24 hours?”

You bit your lip but nodded. “If you think we can get everything figured out in time.”

“We’ll work out every little problem,” Marvin said, and shrugged at the look you gave him. More serious this time, he added, “And we’ll all be there for you, the day after. Promise.”

((End of the prologue. Thank you for reading! There’s a hint or two on what’s coming up over the next few days, but I’m hoping there will be couple of surprises along the way.

Link to Part 1: The Best Laid Plans

Tagging: @silver-owl413  @skyewardlight @cherrybomb-jaguar @blackaquokat  @catgirlwarrior  @neverisadork @luna1350  @oh-so-creepy @purpstraw  @weirdfoxalley  @95fangirl  @lilalovesinternet-l @thepoolofthedead  @a-bit-dapper @randomartdudette  @geekymushroom @cactipresident  @hotcocoachia @purple-anxiety-blog @shyinspiredartist ))

[themurphyzone]

Absolutely Disastrous Ch 14

Ch 14: Anchors Aweigh! Setting Sail to Dewford Town!

Milo, Melissa, Zack, Amanda, Lydia, and their Pokémon emerged from Petalburg Woods without serious injury. Diogee had been a huge help in predicting where flaming tree branches and Slakoth would fall, while Milo’s pocket masks were great tools for avoiding smoke inhalation.

Since the local fire departments already had their Water-types combating the flames and rescuing the local wildlife, they didn’t stick around and continued on their way to Captain Jack’s seaside cottage. 

“Breaking news! The Rustboro Gym and Contest Hall have been destroyed, the Petalburg Woods is on fire, and Ace Trainer Kayla has nicknamed her Kecleon ‘Cleko’. What a beautiful nickname for a beautiful Kecleon! It’s a better name than before, how fortunate for Kayla and Cleko to experience the bond that unites trainer and Pokémon!”

Melissa muted her PokéNav, which was now reporting the detailed shopping habits of students at Lilycove Prep. 

To be honest, it was kinda creepy. 

The cottage overlooked a beach, where many fishermen hooked Magikarp and Tentacool. Zack latched onto Milo as a human shield, which made walking up to the cottage awkward. 

“I need to lay down a ground rule so Captain Jack doesn’t have an incentive to try and strand us on an island: don’t ask why he has a Chatot instead of Wingull,” Milo said. “He’s a bit touchy about that.” 

With that last bit of advice, he knocked on the door and accidentally put a large hole through the middle. Then the rest of the wooden slabs splintered into pieces. 

Captain Jack chased Gary around a table, completely ignoring their visitors and broken door. 

“Hey, Captain Jack!” Milo waved. “Sorry to interrupt, but when you’re done with your game, could you please take us to Dewford?” 

“Milo said you could give us a lift to Slateport,” Amanda added. 

“That was the last strawberry, Gary!” Captain Jack complained. “You know perfectly well it’s the last harvest of the season!” 

Gary twittered and fluffed his tail in Captain Jack’s direction. “Gary deserve! Like getting on nerves!” 

“I’m a reasonable man. I’ll just take the last clementine as payment,” Captain Jack said with a sly grin. 

“RAWK! BAWK!” Gary screeched. 

Captain Jack finally took notice of Milo and his friends, then quickly clamped his hands around Gary’s beak. Gary flapped his wings in protest. “Gary, keep your fowl beak shut around children!” Captain Jack exclaimed. Gary glared at him.  “And no, taking the last clementine does not qualify as cruel and unusual punishment!” 

“Uh, sure. Melissa, Zack, and I would like to go to Dewford please. And Amanda and Lydia are heading to Slateport,” Milo said. 

“The CEO of Mahlson Corp asked us to do a few favors. Do you know Captain Webber by any chance?” Lydia asked. 

Captain Jack frowned. “Ah, yes. The guy who snapped his fingers and claimed it was okay when we capsized on an island because he couldn’t predict the ocean currents properly. The guy who claimed it was okay when he was promoted because his father knows the first cousin of the fleet admiral and I got stuck on potato peeling duty for five years! The guy who opened the oven when I told him not to and utterly ruined my puff pastry so that I could never show my face at a dinner party again!”

“We probably shouldn’t open that can of Wurmple,” Melissa whispered. 

“Anyway,” Zack said slowly, hoping to get Captain Jack focused on navigating and not some years-old grudge with a fellow seagoer. “We just wanna head to Dewford and Slateport.”

“Take the plunge! Take the plunge!” Gary squawked. 

“You don’t mind if we take Gary’s favorite vessel, right?” Captain Jack asked. 

“Nope, we don’t mind at all!” Milo said. 

When Gary’s favorite vessel turned out to be a very old and very foreboding ship, Milo realized that his friends cared deeply about their mode of transportation. 

“Next time, I’ll be the negotiator,” Melissa muttered, deftly avoiding a loose wooden board that promptly crashed into a storage area below. 

Amanda helped Zack into another life jacket. He heavily resembled a traffic light with the three life jackets he’d already donned. 

“Don’t you have enough life jackets?” Lydia asked in concern. 

“Welcome to the S.S Plunge,” Captain Jack said proudly, kissing the faded lettering on the captain’s door. “No storm, stone, or iceberg can strike her down to Davy Jones! She’s virtually unsinkable!” 

Everyone followed Zack’s example and put on another life jacket. 

“I’ve never been on a ship that wasn’t sinking before,” Milo admitted as Captain Jack undid the restraints that tied the S.S Plunge to the docks. He caught Zack’s bewildered look, then realized that was probably not the best reassurance to give someone who was deeply afraid of what lurked below. “Sorry, Zack.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Zack shrugged. “Though let’s try to keep the fish Pokémon out of the boat, alright?” 

“Do you have Jellicent in Hoenn?” Lydia asked. She peered at the ocean closely. “We’re always told to avoid their territory at sea. It’s said they make homes out of underwater ship graveyards, and if you wander too close, they’ll drag you down into the abyss where you’ll never be seen again.” 

“We don’t have Jellicent here,” Melissa said. “I’ve only seen them when Milo and Sara begged me to stay for an all-night Dr. Magnezone marathon.” She rubbed her arms in embarrassment. “I was jumpy for days after that...” 

“Episode 79: ’The Depths of Bermuda Bay’,” Milo said, grinning at the memory of Melissa clinging to a pillow when the red-eyed Jellicent flitted across the screen. He’d seen her face runaway Camerupt with nothing but a stuffed Snubbull and a lanyard, but seeing her afraid of a puppet where the stitching was highly visible was downright surreal. 

That particular episode was infamous for its creepy imagery in the Dr. Magnezone community. 

Lydia sighed in relief. “I’m glad. Their tentacles creep me out so much.”

The S.S Plunge shuddered and lurched forward, sending everyone crashing to the floor. 

“Sorry!” Captain Jack said hastily over an intercom. “She’s just pulling out of port. We’ll be in Dewford in an hour and a half, give or take a few minutes!”

“Since we have a while, who wants to help me record the events that happened so far?” Melissa asked. “This’ll be a great baseline for the life story I plan to sell.” 

One hour later, Milo and Diogee had settled into their niche of driving away hungry Wingull while everyone else helped Melissa remember the important things. They had fun embellishing their run-in with Team Magma in Rusturf Tunnel. 

“So then Torchic and Shroomish are hanging on by a thread, an inevitable defeat drawing closer, then Marshtomp suddenly appears to save the day!” Lydia exclaimed. 

“Or we could say that Treecko used his speed to confuse them, allowing Milo to swoop in and take both Gary and the briefcase,” Amanda suggested. 

Zack rolled his eyes. “Why do all your suggestions involve Milo and his Pokémon ultimately defeating Team Magma? What are Melissa, Bradley, and I doing?” 

“You were incapacitated due to the Whismur,” Lydia replied. “Besides, the leader of the group is always the one who does the confronting. The rest of the party usually gets preoccupied with other things.” 

“Since when is Milo the leader?” Zack asked. 

“Since he got the gene for good charisma,” Melissa replied. “Keep ‘em coming, everyone. These are gold so far!” 

“Zack, look! I’m king of the world!” Milo laughed as he ran up to the bow of the ship, spreading his arms wide as the cool sea breeze whipped around him. 

Zack stood a safe distance away while Diogee held onto Milo’s life jackets with his teeth to prevent him from falling. Upon closer inspection, the railing didn’t hold much integrity.

Milo stepped back just as part of the railing broke off and dropped into the rippling ocean below. Then the ship lurched again, and Diogee lost his grip on Milo. Milo stumbled over the edge, though his fall was broken by a lifeboat. 

“Milo overboard!” Zack hollered. Milo heard Zack’s frantic footsteps as he tried to figure out a way to help. 

“Zack, it’s okay! I have a grapple!” Milo yelled, He waved the rope above his head and threw it as far he could. He tugged, frowning slightly when the line didn’t feel tight enough to support his weight. 

He pulled back to try again, only to jump out of the way as a blur suddenly crashed into the lifeboat and made the entire structure sway. Milo braced himself against the seat until the rocking stopped. 

“Sorry, Zack!” Milo apologized as he removed the hook from the hem of Zack’s jeans. 

“The Charmander are singing...” Zack giggled, still dizzy from his fall. 

Don’t worry, we’ll get you up, Melissa had texted. 

Ten minutes later, everyone clung onto life preservers and tried to keep the saltwater out of their mouths as Captain Jack towed them into Dewford Town. 

Dewford Town: Trendy phrases! Trendy surfing! Trendy fishing! Are you on the cutting edge of Hoenn trends? 

The billboard featured a supermodel and her Marill striking a flashy pose. 

“It’s been five minutes, and I’m already sick of hearing the word ‘trendy’,” Melissa said. “Amanda and Lydia are so lucky.” 

Amanda and Lydia only spent enough time in Dewford to change into dry clothes before hurrying back to the S.S Plunge. They hadn’t been interested in exploring since they heard three different people declaring their everlasting love for potion festivals. 

Captain Jack agreed to come back to Dewford when he finished taking Amanda and Lydia to Slateport. Thankfully, he had no hard feelings about the damage the S.S Plunge sustained during their little voyage. 

Besides, Milo had grown up on Dr. Magnezone. He could handle a little obsessiveness based around trendy sayings. 

“BIG LAUNDRY! I NEED MERCHANDISE OF BIG LAUNDRY!” someone screeched into a megaphone. 

“Big laundry is so two days ago,” a posh man sniffed. “Potion festivals are in.” 

“Potion festivals should be incorporated into everybody’s daily lives!” a woman sobbed. “I can’t live without potion festivals!” 

Then again, Milo knew what Dr. Magnezone fans were talking about. 

“I don’t know nothin’ about paintings! And we wouldn’t tell ya cause youse obviously one of dem potion festival wackos!”

“We be makin’ ye talk, landlubber!” a familiar voice snarled. 

As Milo, Diogee, Melissa, and Zack headed south, they caught a glimpse of a trio in blue bandanas and scruffy, cheap pirate clothing from a Halloween store cornering an old woman against the sand dunes. 

“Do you know who we are?” the only woman in the trio taunted, pointing to the skull-like ‘A’ in the middle of her bandana. “Team Aqua, scourge of humanity! We take what we want, and that includes information!” 

The third member of the trio remained silent, coolly watching his teammates try to wheedle information out of their would-be informant. His bandana was set low over his eyes, hiding all but his dark, prominent eyebags from view. 

Diogee jumped between the old woman and the Aqua members, crouching low and growling. 

“I thought Officer Elliot carted you off,” Melissa said to Patchy, who stepped back after Diogee waved his horn at him. 

“Aye, but there be only three sea shanties a man can take,” Patchy leered. “I know ye three scallywags. And I be not the forgivin’ type.” 

He threw a Poké Ball and released an aggressive-looking fish Pokémon. Zack eyed the razor-sharp teeth warily before sending out Treecko. 

“Zack, stick to long-range attacks,” Milo advised. “Carvanha has the Rough Skin ability. Its skin is super abrasive and can really hurt Treecko if you use contact moves.” 

Zack nodded. “Don’t worry, we’ll be careful.” 

“Mari! John!” Patchy barked. “I be needin’ assistance!” 

Mari eagerly jumped in with her Masquerain, and Melissa sent out Torchic to cover Treecko’s weaknesses. Patchy and Mari forgot the old woman entirely, but John intercepted her as she tried to sneak off and whispered something in her ear. 

The old woman pointed frantically at a nearby cave, and John let her go with a curt nod. She muttered something about potion festival hooligans before rushing back to town, unwilling to stay any longer than she had to. 

“What are you waiting for, John?” Mari called. “Send someone out already so we can crush ‘em!” 

John crossed his arms. “Not worth my time and effort,” he grunted harshly. “Unlike you bozos, I choose my battles wisely.” 

Carvanha barely managed to intercept a Fire Spin intended for Masquerain. 

“And I also pay attention to what my opponents are doing,” John added. 

Mari growled. “That was cheap, you brat!”

“Not my fault. You gave me the opportunity,” Melissa shrugged. “Fire Spin again!” 

“Oh no you don’t! Use Water Sport!” Mari yelled.

Bubbles formed along Masquerain’s body just as Fire Spin engulfed it. Melissa pursed her lips when the bubbles cushioned the majority of Fire Spin’s damage. 

Meanwhile, Carvanha bit down on Treecko’s tail and refused to let go. Treecko winced but didn’t cry out in pain, and Zack was watching the thrashing Water-type carefully in case it flailed in his direction. 

“Torchic, get Carvanha off Treecko!” Melissa shouted. 

Torchic scored her feet against Carvanha’s side, and it let go of Treecko with an angry snap of its teeth. Torchic hopped from foot to foot, chirping in pain from Rough Skin.

Torchic and Treecko lost their footing due to Masquerain’s Gust, slipping against the sand as they struggled to their feet. 

“Melissa, we need a plan!” Zack said frantically as Treecko was hit by a Hidden Power from Carvanha. It didn’t seem to be a type that was super-effective against Grass, but it still did a number on Treecko. 

“I’m trying! But she just has to have Water Sport and—Torchic, roll!” 

Torchic narrowly avoided a Bubble attack, then sent an Ember at Masquerain. It managed to clip the edge of Masquerain’s left wing, but didn’t do enough damage to slow it down. 

“Treecko, Bullet Seed on Carvanha!” Zack ordered. 

“He be an annoyin’ one,” Patchy said. “Use Rage!” 

Carvanha charged at Treecko, its body illuminated by a dangerous red light. Treecko fired a barrage of seeds to counter, but Carvanha broke through after a brief stalemate and slammed into Treecko. 

Treecko skidded across the beach, landing partway in the surf. 

Diogee snarled as Zack shouted at Treecko to get up, but Milo held him back. Diogee’s interference would be heavily frowned on by both sides, regardless of their morals.

Torchic held her opponents at bay with Fire Spin for now, but she would eventually be overwhelmed. 

“You have to help, Treecko!” Zack insisted. “We can’t let these Aqua goons win!” 

“Who’re you calling goon, brat?” Mari snarled. “Just for that, you’re going down first! Finish that Treecko with Gust!” 

“Don’t let that Gust hit Treecko!” Melissa yelled.

Ember interfered with Masquerain’s ability to produce a wind blast strong enough to knock out Treecko, but Torchic was wide open for Carvanha. 

“Argh, Bite that wee chick and don’t let go!” Patchy crowed. 

Carvanha clamped down on Torchic’s head and brushed its fins against her feathers, its Rough Skin crippling her further. 

Melissa reluctantly held up Torchic’s Poké Ball, ready to forfeit her part in the battle. Torchic wouldn’t last much longer at this rate. 

Diogee took several steps towards the surf, and Milo followed to make sure he didn’t jump into the middle of the battle. Diogee seemed incredibly curious about the white, glowing body lying in the surf. The body grew taller, and a white, leafy projection grew from its head. 

“Zack, Treecko’s evolving!” Milo called. 

Zack gasped as the white glow faded and his Grovyle’s brilliant green and red scales shone in the sunlight. 

Grovyle shook the water out of his leafy tail, then fixed his opponents with a stern glare. 

“Can you still fight?” Zack asked. 

Grovyle slashed the air in confirmation. 

Zack grinned, and while Mari and Patchy floundered for strategies on how to deal with Grovyle, Torchic cried out as a blinding white glow covered her body. 

Melissa shrieked with glee as two long arms tipped with sharp claws emerged from Torchic’s torso. “Dislodge that Carvanha, Tor-no, Combusken!” she screamed triumphantly. 

Combusken yanked a shocked Carvanha off her head, and Patchy screamed in rage as she drop-kicked it straight into Masquerain. Masquerain squealed as Carvanha slammed into it. Rough Skin dug into its wings, and the ability had suddenly become a hindrance for the Aqua Goons. 

“Turn off Rough Skin!” Mari shouted at Patchy, glaring daggers at him. 

“Lassie, I would, but-” 

“Well?” 

“’Tis beyond me mind.” 

“THEN FIGURE IT OUT, SEAWEED BREATH!” 

Grovyle disappeared, then reappeared behind Masquerain as it shook sand out of its wings. The Grass-type slashed downwards, and Masquerain slammed into the sandy ground, too exhausted to continue. 

“That was Aerial Ace!” Milo shouted. “Grovyle knows Aerial Ace! That move is super cool! My dad’s Absol knows it!” 

Zack grinned. “Awesome.” 

Mari huffed disdainfully as she recalled Masquerain. “Patchy, you better beat them for me.” 

But Carvanha stood no chance against a powered-up Fire Spin and Bullet Seed combo and fainted without landing a hit on either Combusken or Grovyle. 

Patchy recalled Carvanha, but he didn’t seem too angry with his loss. “Eh, ‘tis a good fight,” he said. 

“This isn’t over!” Mari howled. “John, let me borrow your Pokémon! It wouldn’t take much to beat them now!” 

“You lost valuable time by taunting instead of attacking,” John stated coldly. “You lost it when your opponents evolved. You didn’t take advantage of Combusken’s Flying-type weakness, nor did you rely on Masquerain’s strengths.”

Mari opened her mouth to protest, but John beat her to the punch. 

“My Pokémon don’t tolerate incompetence.” 

“Aye. He has a point, he has,” Patchy agreed. “The scallywags won fairly, and ‘tis a disgrace to claim otherwise.” 

Mari let out a wordless scream of rage and stalked off. Patchy followed her, though he kept his distance. 

“Boy.” 

Milo blinked, then realized John was addressing him. It was hard to tell since his eyes were hidden. “Um, me?” Milo awkwardly pointed to himself. 

John snorted. “No, the piece of seaweed to your left. Yes, I’m talking to you. You have an Absol.” 

Milo glanced at Diogee, whose eyes flitted between Milo and John, unsure of the Aqua member’s threat level. “He’s a great partner,” Milo finally said. 

“Keep him close,” John advised. “You might need him a lot sooner than you’d expect.” 

“Of course,” Milo agreed. 

John trudged away, kicking up sand as he grumbled about his ridiculous coworkers. 

“I don’t get those guys at all,” Zack said. 

Melissa released Combusken from a celebratory hug and made a note on her phone. “Maybe I should add another charge for every questionable hire Dakota makes for his team,” she mused. 

They made a brief stop at the Pokémon Center to heal Combusken and Grovyle, then began asking the locals for directions to Granite Cave. Unfortunately, most of them believed they were either potion festival hooligans or big laundry punks and refused to give them any useful information. 

“Is there anyone in this town who isn’t crazy?” Melissa sighed, throwing a rock into the ocean in frustration. 

“WHOO-HOO! HEY, YOU ON THE BEACH! MOVE IF YOU DON’T WANNA GET SWAMPED!” someone shouted. 

A strange figure rode a giant wave, surfing rapidly towards the beach at an alarming pace. Diogee dragged Milo out of the way as Melissa and Zack took cover behind a cluster of boulders. The wave crashed onto the beach with a resounding roar, depositing a speedboat that had been painted to resemble a heavily fortified castle and its rider on the sand. 

The rider took off her helmet and squeezed the water out of her long, blonde hair. 

“Veronica?” Milo gasped. 

“Long time, no see, Milo!” Veronica grinned. Diogee circled her excitedly, and Veronica laughed as she stroked his head. “Aw, Diogee’s grown so much! You’ve been taking real good care of each other!” 

“You know each other?” Zack asked.

Milo nodded. “Melissa, Zack, this is Veronica. She was the best babysitter I’ve ever had! Haven’t seen her in like, a lot of fortnights, but she’s still awesome! And she gave me this backpack!” 

“I always wondered why you were attached to that thing,” Melissa remarked. 

“Last babysitter standing,” Veronica stated proudly. “I’ve also added pizza delivery girl and Dewford Gym Leader to my skillset. You up for a challenge, Milo? Cause I have a Knuckle Badge with your name on it.” 

AN: The S.S Plunge is the name of the ship that takes Dakota to the Island. It’s in the background when Dakota is at the docks and looking for the ship.

ORAS’ default trendy saying is Potion Festivals. Unfortunately, you can’t mix and match to get the dumbest or most risque sayings like in Gen 3.

Team Aqua returns! I was listening to Heroes of Hoenn while writing the battle scene. It helps if you really want that triumphant feeling.

The anime does establish that Rough Skin has an off switch, but Patchy hasn’t figured that out.

Veronica is awesome.

[dreamsofpilots]

A Boy and a Flower

Josh Dun x Reader fic.

I had the idea for this with the intention of turning it into something happy…and now this…oops. 

Might make it a series, don’t know how many parts yet. Enjoy. 

Warnings: Panic attacks, anxiety, little bit of depression. 

There are happy bits, I promise. I’m not sure about it so let me know what you think! 

My pulse thrummed in my ears. 

Ba bum

Ba bum

I couldn’t seem to catch my breath, my lungs straining with the effort. The world tilted and I had to catch myself against the wall.

Ba bum

I bent over, placing my hands on my knees while trying to take deep breaths. 

“I have to get out of here.” Lifting my head I glanced around. The throng of people rushing around me was suffocating. Everything was just a little too bright and just a little too loud. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, I was supposed to have control of this. I hadn’t had an episode in months, and yet here I was, fire in my lungs and cold sweat on my skin. 

I sprinted from the academic building, dodging strange glances and backpack wearing bodies. 

Ba bum

Clamping my jaw down tight, unwilling to let the nausea take over, I stumbled through campus, blind as to what my direction was. A few passerby’s asked after my well-being, clearly reading the distress on my face, but I shrank away from them, the human contact making my panic worse. 

When I finally found a quiet place with a lack of people, I found that I was in the botanical gardens. The blooms were full and dewy, reaching for the midmorning sun. I planted myself next to a bed of pink flowers, not sure what kind they were, and forced myself to breath. In and out, in and out. I reminded myself of the advice my therapist had given me, trying to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones, all the while taking deep breaths. 

I wasn’t sure what had caused this one. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or the stress of midterm exams coming up. I hadn’t been eating properly lately, maybe that was it. Maybe I was dehydrated. I wasn’t really sure, but then again, I never really was in this situation. Sometimes they just happened, coming over me like a sudden storm. 

My pulse began to slow as I sat there with my face cupped in my hands. Breathing became easier, the nausea subsided. When I felt as if the worst of it was over, I allowed myself to take in my surroundings. I had rushed into the gardens without taking anything in. The place was vibrant with color and the perfumed air was sweet and inviting. How had I managed to go through half the school year without meandering through?  It was full and lush and absolutely stunning. The kind of garden that would bring about whimsical daydreams. 

Cobblestoned paths traversed lazily through the oasis. Small tufts of grass poking up between the stones waved hello. I wandered along, taking in the scenery, glad that I could finally breathe deeply. I allowed myself to run my hand along the blooms as I walked, the dew from their morning watering wetting my fingers. 

When I stopped to sniff a rose, I became aware of the sound of rhythmic beating. Confused, I followed my ears to the sound, going deeper into the maze of flowers by doing so. 

Turning a corner by a patch of sunflowers, I saw a guy sitting on a wooden box, slapping his palms and tapping his fingers against the sides, creating a deep and rhythmic beat. I wasn’t entirely surprised to see him, with his piercings and tattoos, this school was full of artists and creative types, but I did find it a little strange that he was playing his box-drum-thing in the middle of a garden. 

He didn’t notice me at first, not glancing up until I was standing in front of him. He was lost in his music, bouncing his legs and head along with it. Watching him was mesmerizing. He gave off such a happy energy while he drummed that it made me want to move too. So, while he continued playing, I began to dance. 

I had come to this school as a dance major, finding that I was able to forget about everything else when I focused on my fluid movements. Dancing was an escape, a vacation from the everyday. Like going south for the winter. I was no longer the timid anxious girl chilled to the bone with fear. Instead, I was warm beaches and lazy waves. I was a gentle breeze or a bubbling brook. Dancing brought out my true self, the person that I was when I wasn’t so insecure. 

The colorful boy continued to drum, keeping me in time while he watched me. He didn’t seem to mind me joining him, and I was grateful for a reason to dance. 

It felt good to move my limbs, shrugging off the tightness that had occurred during my attack. I twirled and leapt and glided in front of him, the yellow from the sunflowers filling my vision, the beat of his drum resounding in my ears. A light feeling in my chest made me feel like I could take flight. A fairy in a garden of sunshine.  

When my muscles began to burn, and sweat slicked my skin, and my heart was filled with joy, the boy brought the song to an end. 

I posed, completing my dance, panting, but smiling a mile wide. When I turned to look at him, a huge grin was spread across his face, mirroring mine. “That was amazing,” was all he said. 

“Thank you.” I took a few more gulps of air. “I really needed that. I’m glad I heard you drumming.” 

He stood from his box, lifting his backwards facing cap for a moment to run a hand through his hair. My eyes widened at the sight of the brightly colored strands, but I didn’t comment on it. The color suited him somehow. He was as unique as the flowers that surrounded us.  

“Yeah I normally try and find places away from people so that my playing doesn’t disturb their class or their studying. Plus I really like flowers, so I tend to come here.” He waved a hand, acknowledging their surroundings. 

 I liked that he wasn’t afraid to admit that he enjoyed flowers, secure in his masculinity. Why shouldn’t boys like flowers? “This is my first time here actually. I just needed to get away and I somehow ended up here.” 

“Oh, are you alright?” his voice full of concern. 

I turned to him in surprise, “What?”

“Are you okay? You said you needed to get away, and when I feel like that…” he trailed off. 

“Oh..” I shuffled nervously, “Yeah, I’m alright. I managed.”

He gave me a tight lipped smile and a sympathetic look. He knew what I was talking about.

I held my hand out towards him, wanting to change the subject, “I’m Y/N.”

“Josh,” he said, grasping my hand. His hand was warm and large, the hint of callouses scratched against my skin. They must have formed from practicing his art. 

“Nice to meet you, Josh. I like your box-drum. It sounded really nice.” 

He chortled, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck, displaying the colorful tattoos along his arm. “Hey thanks. It’s a cajon. Easier than carrying a kit around.” He punctuated that with another small laugh.  

“I can imagine,” I giggled. Josh looked at me then, his hooded brown eyes alight with something I couldn’t quite place. Excitement maybe? The rush from playing still running through him? I smiled back at him with my own version of excitement. 

“Hey, you’re a really great dancer.” Josh told me with a blush. 

“Oh, thank you,” I could feel my own cheeks beginning to burn. “I’m sorry for barging in on your little pow wow for one, there.”

Josh shook his head, “Oh, no don’t worry. I mean, that’s what music is for right? For people to feel something?”  

I nodded in agreement. I liked Josh, he seemed easygoing and relatable. Not to mention, he was easy on the eyes. 

“Well, I better get to class.” I stated abruptly, feeling suddenly nervous. “I’ve probably missed some of it already…” I didn’t feel like bringing up my incident, knowing that was the reason that I was late. He seemed to be aware of it anyway.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” he nodded. “Thanks for the dance session. I’ll see you around?”

“Sure,” I agreed, giving him a little wave goodbye.

I headed to the academic buildings after finding my way out of the garden, feeling more comfortable that I had when I entered. 

The next couple of days were uneventful. I slipped into my easy routine of classes, eating, and sleeping. I kept to myself mostly, finding it hard to open up to my peers. There were times when I saw Josh while walking around campus. He was always with a group of guys, either skateboarding or playing music together. Sometimes I saw him with just one other guy who had short brown hair and black band tattoos on his arm. They seemed to spend the most time together. It must be nice, having a best friend. 

Whenever I saw Josh, I would wave, and he would always wave and give me a huge smile back. His buddies would laugh and jostle him around when they saw the interaction. I didn’t really know why.

I passed my dancing midterms, the teacher telling me that I was one of her top students. When I called my mom about it, she showered me with support to the point that I was drunk on happiness. But after I hung up, the feeling faded and I began to instead feel gloomy, not having anyone else to share my accomplishment with. I wondered that, if I told Josh about it, he would get as excited as I had been. 

My gloom seemed to settle in more and more as the days dragged by. Dancing didn’t even seem to hold the same amount of appeal. I wondered what was wrong with me, but my therapist just suggested that I try and make some friends. Get out more. Try. The thought terrified me. How do you just walk up to people and create a friendship? Is that how people do it? “Hey I’m so and so, let’s be friends?” “Oh sweet, come sit new buddy.”

I don’t think so. 

So instead, I let myself slip further and further into this isolation until it all bubbled up again in another attack. 

I had been fine. I was just walking to dance class, like I do every day. But then I started to notice all the happy faces, all the friends that laughed and walked together, and I started getting hot, my stomach twisting into knots. I tried to just breathe, to calm down, but I couldn’t. So I ran. 

Ba bum

Unlike last time though, I had a destination in mind. 

[somedarnedclaimedurl-blog]

The Murder of Pink Diamond

This is an insanely long post because I never do theories about shows but Steven Universe is one of my all time favourites. And after the recent episodes, I can hardly stop thinking about it and wanted to talk about something I don’t see anywhere else.

Please read coz I need to know what happens to Pink and White Diamonds!!

Pink vs. Rose

First of all, let’s look at Pink. We see all these super sweet depictions of her. Most of them are inspired by Rose Quartz. But we need to remember that Rose Quartz is not like the other gems in Pink’s Court. Her warmth, humour and compassion are not normal for gems and are mistakenly attributed to Pink Diamond. It’s interesting to note that Rose Quartz seems to be the only gem with healing properties that kept her small band of rebels able to continue to march against the massive Diamond armies. If the other rose quartz were able to, their abilities would have been used  in the battlefield but instead they were bubbled by Blue.  I think we see glimpses of Pink Diamond’s truth in the other gems of her court. We see it in the hot tempered recklessness of the rubies,Jasper’s disdain for anything lesser than herself and we see it Bismuth’s barely contained rage and thirst for revenge. 

The Zoo

So, if Pink wasn’t as lovable as everyone assumes she was, why did she take such pains to save a small band of humans in her zoo? Let’s take a closer look at that zoo. Considering humans have been raised there for thousands of years, their population has been rigidly controlled. The number or people we see is tiny. Also, there are no old people! That means that any human that grew old, sick or became less perfect , was immediately destroyed. In the episode “The Zoo”, Holly said that the service door was used only once to remove a human. Why was the human removed? That answer is never given to us. But I assume because the human either became sick or hurt themselves in such a way  that they were deemed unsuitable to keep. This made me think that what Jasper said about those who couldn’t fit the mold of perfection was something that Pink Diamond promoted and wasn’t part of the original Diamond Authority. 

White Solo

This makes perfect sense if Pink Diamond was never supposed to be Pink, but Red. To explain why I think this, I need to jump back a few millennia, when White Diamond was cruising solo. We understand White Diamond as the Firstborn, the eldest matriarch, who may have birthed, or helped birth, the rest of the Diamonds. When White Diamond was young, and she first started conquering planets, resources were probably scarce and nothing that function well enough was discarded. Odd and off-coloured gems were common and were not considered “lesser”. As the empire grew, the Diamond Authority was made with Yellow controlling science/ technology, Blue with Diplomacy / Arts and White keeping Communications/ Intelligence. This division of labour refined gem creation and off coloured gems started appearing less and less.

Threat to the Diamond Authority

That’s why when Pink Diamond didn’t pop out as Red Diamond, it didn’t cause much of a kerfuffle with the other Diamonds. Blue was completely smitten with Pink and even Yellow indulged her charming yet unusual antics, such as the zoo. Pink, in spite of being “off-colour” , was beloved. But the fact that she was off colour may have gnawed on Pink’s heart (gem?) And made her unnecessarily harsh on her subjects. So when the time finally came for Pink Diamond to develop her own planet colony, she was a spoilt and unsuitable ruler. And White Diamond, as she she sat in the moon base and witnessed Pink’s transgressions against her own gemkind, realized that Pink’s actions would eventually pose a threat to the Diamond Authority itself. 

The Rebellion

This is where the rebellion of Rose Quartz comes in. Pink’s harsh treatment of the planet Earth eventually leads Rose to rebel against her Diamond. White watches this development with interest and plots how to use this to her advantage. As the controller of information and communication, she is able to leak vital information, such as Pink’s movements, to the rebel party. I highly doubt Rose was in league with White Diamond, but there is the matter of Pearl...

Controller of Information

Consider for a moment the only other white gems we’ve met. We’ve met red gems, blue gems, yellows gems and all the colours between them. The only kind of white gems we’ve met are Pearls. I believe that all Pearls, belonging to  any court, given to the ruling elite of the gems, are sworn to White Diamond. They are informants that keep White Diamond appraised of their subjects movements and motivations. White has probably quashed many a rebellion simply by keeping a couple of steps ahead of the would be usurpers, thanks to her Pearls. Whether the Pearls are aware of this, I’m not sure. I have a feeling that Yellow Pearl would relish it while Blue Pearl would be consumed with guilt.

My Pearl

Maybe Rose did some act of valour or perhaps she was already a decorated soldier, she was given a Pearl. But being a common Quartz soldier, she wasn’t given a perfect one that the elites had. She was  given the somewhat defective one with an elliptical gem instead of a true sphere, that is our Pearl. She was either given to Rose by White Diamond directly or through Pink Diamond. If we watch the episode “Rose’s Scabbard”, when Pearl projects Rose’s image, she is kneeling, like a knight before her liege. Rose informs Pearl of her plans and refers to her as “My Pearl”, before helping her up to her feet, releasing her from  bondage.

Also, if we see the episode “The Answer”, when the rebellion was small and was not considered such a big threat, we see Pearl (our Pearl), with silvery hair and skin, with the lightest greenish tint in her clothes. Pearl, at this moment, still kept the colours  of her original Diamond. However, this fight occurred when the rebellion was just starting, and as Pearl poofed again and again in Rose’s service, she gradually adapted her appearance to Rose. Her hair gradually  turned a reddish hue to emulate Rose, her clothes brightened as well, but she could never change the white sheen of her skin.

(I think gems can probably change hair but not skin. Look at Garnet. in her first fusion she had pink and blue  hair but still had the same  skin tone as modern Garnet)

Considering Yellow Pearl and Blue Pearl’s colouring is heavily affected by their Diamonds, I think it’s safe to say that our  Pearl belonged to the White Court. And I think this is backed up the episode “Adventures in Light Distortion”. 

At the point of time in that episode, we knew that Sapphire had been in service of Blue Diamond. We knew Peridot had served Yellow Diamond and even Ruby had been in service for Pink / Blue Diamond. But Pearl, instead of simply saying which gem she served, she hesitates and says “Homeworld” . That’s because if she had said White Diamond, we the viewers would have lost our collective minds. (Is this a hint that White Diamond is Homeworld? Read on)

She may not have been White Diamond’s White Pearl, but she was a “fancy” upgraded model with the ability to fight. White gave her to Rose, to not only act as an informer, but as a sleeper agent. This may have affected the shape of her gem.

The Murder of Pink Diamond

So how does all of this contribute to the murder of Pink Diamond? The first thing that we need to keep in mind is that : Only a Diamond can cut another Diamond. The second is that Rose Quartz was the one who wielded the sword that shattered Pink. And the answer to this lies in  Bismuth.

Bismuth checks out the sword Steven gives her, and confirms it is still the weapon she made for Rose. It has not been replaced by White Diamond. It destroys the form but not the gem. But Bismuth also shows us how to attached “upgrades” to existing weapons. What if Pearl, knowingly or unknowingly, attaches an upgrade to Rose’s sword, something which was capable of destroying a Diamond.

Where would such an upgrade come from? It would come from White Diamond herself. I think White Diamond damaged her own gem, slicing off a shard and fashioning an upgrade that could be attached to the point of a sword. 

Pink is lured out of her Palanquin on information provided by White Diamond. White leaks Pink’s location to the rebel army and giving Rose an opportunity to attack, not knowing that her weapon is now capable of shattering the gem, and not just poofing the form. Pink Diamond is destroyed and in the confusion, Rose and Pearl  escape.

Pearl being instrumental in the death of the diamond is supported by her behaviour in the episode Steven’s Dream. Garnet reacts in anger but Pearl has her hands tightly clamped over her mouth, her eyes pleading with Garnet to respond, as if she doesn’t doesn’t trust herself to speak. Garnet says that Steven is making Pearl “very upset”.

Is this because of the guilt Pearl still feels for tricking Rose into committing murder. Does Pearl want to confess but is afraid of the consequence? Does Garnet claim being too afraid of Blue Diamond instead of letting Pearl jeopardize her relationship with Steven?

Pearl being a sleeper agent, may not have have known what she was doing, Rose obviously forgives Pearl but she locks the upgrade away in a secret chest in a place Pearl  has no idea exists and cannot access;  Lion’s Mane.

White Diamond in Public

The question remains would white Diamond have survived giving a shard of her gem to a weapon. She may have thought “A life for a life” or she is extremely weak with a cracked gem. This would explain why we never see White in public. You simply can’t have the leader of the Diamond Authority seen with a damaged gem. Also why the other two gems never speak of her and govern the lands as if there is no third to consult.

But what about the corruption song? All three Diamonds participated in that. However, I believe that had White diamond been at 100%, the corruption song would have vapourized all information in the gems that were still on Earth, reducing them to nothing but bits of sea glass on a beach. However, because White was considerably weakened, not only did the corruption fail to completely destroy the fabric of the minds of the Earth gems, but is still reversible. 

This is how I think Steven Universe will end. Steven will find White Diamond in a pathetic state, unable to govern the vast empire she created. He will offer his enemy a chance to be healed, provided that she leaves Earth alone and stops adding to her empire. Together the sing a new song, White amplifying Steven’s healing powers and reverting all gems on earth to  their original state.

Thank you so much for reading such a long, long post! 

[storiesbybrian]

Jane, His Wife (September, 2014)

Paul is about to miss his plane. A viable excuse is right up his ass, a cannaboid suppository purchased as a kind of reward after a very contentious meeting. He could probably amuse his boss into forgiving him for not even making it to the airport with a straightforward account of his inability to resist grabbing something from a shelf labeled “Edibles and Anables”and then, being on such an impulsive roll, marching straight from the register to the unisex bathroom where he pretended to defecate but really went ahead and dented his anal virginity right there in the dispensary, higher than Robert Mitchum before the water from the fake shit flush  finished swirling. But the real reason Paul’s flight takes off without him is a girl he used to know. He thinks her name is Sonja.

Emerging from the bathroom, more of a man/less of a man, too confused to know which codes to honor at the moment, Paul bumped into a guy engrosssed in his smartphone. He was very muscular, with a barcode tattooed on the back of his bald head, and he wore a coat, tie and acid washed jeans. Ironic or resolutely earnest, again Paul couldn’t decipher. So, before manners or fear could stop him, Paul peaked at the phone screen, hoping it might give him a better sense of what this guy was all about. And there she was, holding a baby, grinning unabashedly at the semi-well-dressed man and telling him something about a movie she was almost finished watching. Over the past 25 years, Paul had imagined seeing Sonja again many times, but never in fulfillment of Jetsonian prophecy by the bathroom at a legal weed emporium.

Paul remembers her name as evoking kerchiefs and ice skating, so maybe it’s really Brigitte or Helena. Theirs had been one of those acquaintances that advanced too rapidly to ask for a reminder without compromising the probability of sex, especially since she made a big point of knowing his name, shoehorning it into nearly everything she told him. And then, after what had happened, the mutual acquaintance that had introduced them never mentioned her again and Paul was not about to ask after “your friend, you know, that depressed girl with the ungainly feet and Jupiter spot on her eyeball?” Those feet. They seemed to be clutching something delicate, or maybe she was just trying to make them seem smaller. Anyway, Paul follows her husband out of the dispensary, knowing he has to call work, and his own spouse, and no surer what to say to either of them than how to broach a conversation with a stranger whose physique and pants might imply a penchant  for violence.

Paul follows Mr. Sonja across Rainier Avenue to Chinook Beach Park. This must be where most recreational customers go to light up as now, with one acid washed leg draped over the other, far less threatening seated than upright, the bar code-necked man rolls himself a blunt. For a moment, Paul is afraid of being mistaken for some kind of moocher who hangs around the parking lot waiting for someone to come out and offer him a puff. But just about any misrepresentation, no matter how unflattering, would be preferable to who Paul really is to the mother of this guy’s child.

Meanwhile, what about Paul’s more pressing concerns, like the personal and professional upheaval he causes by being here instead of home in two hours? And in an irony he feels like he has to be very still to keep straight, Paul notes that he is drumming up excuses for the homefront to delay his encounter with a sartorial schizophrenic, while he very well could have mistaken the visage on the guy’s smartphone and set off in pursuit of resolution 25 years in the making to put off the stresses inherent in maintaining all of the routines he is forsaking to be here.  Like he’s avoiding returning to the life he’s now invoking to avoid further avoidment.

He pulls out his own phone and starts dialing Anna Lyza’s mobile number. Her name is not symbolic coincidence, just the product of really strange parents. Paul has made vague allusions to a girl he traumatized in college, but never told Anna Lyza the full story of his day with Sonja. And to go into it now would sound like he was lying to cover for something far more nefarious than a digital goose chase.

So Paul needs to lie to his wife, tell half truths to his boss and come completely clean to this weirdly dressed stranger on a bench. Great, let’s talk to the very strong guy who has good reason to hate you. While he’s high. Paul starts repocketing his phone when it rings. It’s Dan.

“Hello?”

“Paul! So glad I caught you!”

“Oh hi Dan.”

“Listen! Can you talk?”

“To you?”

“Funny. Look, at the meeting earlier today? Jordy said he licenses all of his material through Quatre Saisons? Not true, my man.”

“So we don’t want to…?”

“Dude doesn’t license any of his stuff!”

“Like it’s all-?”

“Open-Sourced! So why were we about to shell out 2nd round funding for free shit?”

“Because you said-“

“Ehnhnhnhnhnh! I didn’t say shit Paul. You said we needed to deal with the Franco-Vivaldi fuckers.”

“Well…”

“Alright, whatever. We’ll talk about this when you get back.”

“Yeah well-“

“Hey Paul?”

“Yeah?”

“Dude, you sound higher than me right now.”

Paul hangs up the phone and rubs his head, appearing far more stressed than he actually is. Sure enough, he gets Sonja’s husband’s attention from the next bench over. Paul gives him his best hangdog and the guy smiles and offers him the blunt. So phase one initiated, but Paul’s resorting to manipulation to make progress toward amends for 25 year-old emotional abuse makes the whole thing feel tarnished before it even gets off the ground.

“Thanks man.”

The guy nods, then thinks better of silence. “Hey, what’d you get in there bro?” His voice is raspy.

Paul takes a deep breath and points to his ass.

“No shit!”

“Not right now.” It gets a laugh.

“So gimme that back, yo. You’re already baked!”

Paul nods enthusiastically. “Appreciate the company though.”

Either the guy will accept the friendly overture or reject it and maybe get suspicious. If the suspicion can manifest itself in a way he’s supposed to notice, Paul will flash his wedding ring and broach the topic of spouses (though the irony of grousing about being married to women as a way to tell men you are not gay is not lost on Paul). But the guy just blanks out and it occurs to Paul that people can say “bro” without awkwardness and still have gaping social deficiencies. In fact, how many times has Paul mistaken one or two words for more comprehensive coolness? He needs to restructure his entire socio-evaluative process but now is not the time. Or is that more personal procrastination and cowardice? Why not now?

“Nice here,” Paul tries.

“You ain’t from Seattle?”

“San Francisco.”

“City by the Bay. Nice bro!”

Paul nods. Briefly he considers just asking the guy what his wife’s name is. But he can only see it seeming  like he’s got a jacket lining full of hot watches for sale. And maybe the guy’s impression of Paul is still unformed enough that coming across as sleazy and awkward himself will not seem out of character, and might even arouse compassion. Like maybe the guy will assume that Paul’s life is so pathetic that sharing the details of his own will seem charitable. But that’s a stretch, even between two stoned strangers.

“Been there? I mean do you live in Seattle? Actually I don’t know what to ask.”

The guy laughs and slaps Paul on the back. It hurts.

“I like you, bro. Name’s Paul.”

“No way! That’s my name too!”

“Bullshit!”

Paul pulls out his driver’s license. The whole time he has been trying to seize the opportunity to bestow an apology whose due is old enough to rent a car, he has assumed that Sonja relegated their afternoon together to some minor episode that never bore recounting to anybody. And before he can consider otherwise, his ID makes Acid Washed Paul potentially angry.

“Did you go to Boulder bro?”

It would be easy to say no, catch another flight and try to smooth everything over back home. But Paul can not chalk all of the other things he’s neglecting to be here up to larkishness.

“Yes.”

“This might sound fucked up, but I know who you are.”

“I saw you FaceTiming with her. I was hoping…”

Paul clamps a hand on Paul’s shoulder and squeezes cruelly. Paul tries to squirm out of it but the grip is too tight. With the other hand Paul holds the blunt close like a paintbrush.

Paul has never been in this much physical danger. He thinks that if he had, or anyone had ever hurt him very badly, he might not carry as much guilt around. As the ember glows an inch from his face, black trees past it swaying by the water, he realizes that maybe he wants to get burned. That rather than explaining to Sonja that he enjoyed being kind to her when she expected cruelty, but then couldn’t help switching to contempt when she started expecting or even demanding kindness after only knowing him for two hours, it might be more satisfying to all parties concerned if her husband damaged him permanently and then brought pictures of it home to his dear sweet wife as sort of a trophy, first prize in the KarmaBall League.

“I wanted…”

Acid Washed Paul’s eyes narrow, but the ember bobbles and his threat of burning seems to recede. Paul almost starts crying and wishes that he would.

“I wanted to apologize to her. She’s… She’s told you what happened?”

“You know what she says? She says it was like you lifted her up to the greatest view she’d ever seen, and then you kicked her lower than she’d been before you’d ever met. She didn’t even wanna know anybody else named Paul, much less marry me! You know she’d just gone back to school after a suicide attempt.”

“No. I didn’t know that. I really didn’t!”

“And it’s stayed with you too, huh?”

Paul nods.

Paul stubs out the blunt and unholsters his phone, weighing it in his hand.

“Well this is a buzzkill.”

Paul tries to maintain eye contact and now he does begin to cry. To his shame, it’s probably out of relief that he escaped a mangling.

“Jesus. You need a drink more ‘n me!”

“I don’t drink.”

“What?”

“I quit when I turned 40.”

“Like W.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Well, he is disciplined I guess.”

They go to a coffee shop that serves beer. Paul seems to know several people there, though Paul can not tell how highly they regard him.

Paul gets a pint of something dark and frothy. Paul has Earl Grey tea.

“Is she… happy?”

“Who Anna?”

Paul rocks back in his seat. All this time he had her name wrong but meanwhile married someone else with the same name. And of course so did she. He thinks it’s a coincidence that shouldn’t mean much, but worries again that dismissiveness is tantamount to cowardice. Paul does not know anything else about Paul. If Paul shares more information, the coincidence will gain the freight of expectations and make the whole thing look like some time bomb detonating at the altar. But he cops out and sits on it, pretending he knew Sonja was Anna all along, and that her San Francisco counterpart is named something other than Anna Lyza.

“I mean… If you’re askin’ how guilty are you supposed to feel, I can tell you that plenty of dudes have done her way worse than you managed in one afternoon.”

“But, well, do you know all their names too?”

“Oh yeah. All named Paul. Every last one of ‘em!”

Inhalant Paul looks bewildered for a moment, then cracks up loud enough for dozens of faces haunted by laptops to stare at him. He can not stop laughing. The faces plead for quiet. Rectal Paul is not sure whether to laugh along, stay mired in the horror that seized him when he thought Paul was serious, or take the spectral freelancers’ side and admonish Paul to simmer down.  He sips his tea without committing to anything.

“Man, I don’t even think she remembers every one’s name. And trust me, it ain’t like I ain’t done my share of damage too. But I’ve stuck around so…”

“I really would like to apologize to her.”

“Yeah that probably works for you bro, but I’m not sure it’s such a good idea on her end. Mad hormonal since the baby.”

“I hear that! We have a two year-old.”

“Tell me it gets easier.”

“It does. I mean, you get to start sleeping through the night again. But that’s right around the same time they learn to move on their own so there’s more chasing ‘em around, instinctively covering every table corner with your hand.”

Paul does not ask Paul any follow ups, how old, how masculine, any others. Paul is relieved by this. If Paul were generous enough to be curious, he would occupy the high road more imposingly. But being all about his own deal, Paul does not have to cede as much moral leverage for his past sins.

Music has been playing continuously, though a specific song comes on before Paul notices. It is a classic rock anthem that Paul’s high school classmates used to sing along with and quote in yearbooks while he felt alienated for cherishing the knowledge that the song was the musical equivalent of shit past its expiration date. But now he smiles and feels the urge to sing along, nearly certain that Paul will join right in.

Before the verse drives up to the chorus, a giant hand tries to pry the coffee shop’s roof from the top of its walls. Everything quakes. Coffee cups chit and shatter. The song keeps playing. Nobody wants to be the one to shriek. The giant hand can not separate the roof from the walls. The quaking stops for a moment, then the giant hand punches through the roof, smashing into a pinball machine. It tries to shake the plaster and glass out of its wounded knuckles. It has a wedding ring that knocks people down.

Paul and Paul look up through the hole in the building. Giant Anna glares down at them, raising her foot til it blocks out the light.

Paul says, “Holy shit that’s my wife!”

Paul thinks with so many people under threat of imminent smushing, he might have pretended otherwise. But in his final moment before Anna grounds him and everyone else there into the carpeting, he envies Paul’s lack of guile.

[oh-phineas]

Let’s Be Real Pirates! | Phineas + Ferb

“Hey! I know what we should do today! Let's be real pirates, and go find Badbeard's treasure.”

Below the cut: A compilation of the competitions! The Dead Man’s Cove encounter with the mermaids, the High Seas encounter with the Kraken, and the Ruins of Fort Lyons encounter with the ghosts. 

@ferbmanofactionfletcher​

Episode 1: Dead Man’s Cove

(Ft. Shock, Aquata, Attina, Clarion)

Summary: Phineas and Ferb encounter some murderous mermaids in Dead Man’s Cove, get split up, and end up having to work with the crew of Queen Clarion’s Revenge.

PHINEAS felt terrible about Shock’s hand. It was his fault, after all, and because of that, he had sworn off drinking. Well, at least for today. And he was not going to let Shock get herself hurt again because of him— that was the pirate code! Right? Plus she seemed a little drunk. “You can stay back. We got this!” Phineas declared, climbing into a life boat and patting the bag that he had the jewel in. 

SHOCK "What, no--I'm, you two--can't -- not by yourself." She waved her hand at them, squinting an eye

FERB didn’t know if it was such a good idea to leave the woman on the beach alone and, from what he could smell paired with the way her movements were a bit loose, drunk. But he also knew he didn’t want Phineas to row the boat alone by himself with the jewel that would make him everyone’s number one target. He watched the conversation between the two go back and forth, and then gave Phineas a thumbs up in answer to his question. 

SHOCK tilted her head, thinking over her options. She could stay here and let the boys get eaten by mermaids or undead pirates or whatever else infested that cove, and they'd lose a jewel. Or, she could sit on this beach and...finish her bottle of rum. Bottle of rum. Definitely. So, she plopped right into the sand and leaned back against the cave wall. "Alright, you two hurry back. I'm not comin' in after  you."

PHINEAS jumped in the boat and grabbed an oar, rowing into the cave. “We’ll be in and out with the jewel. Easy as pie,” Phineas signed confidently. As they got closer to the cave, though, he wasn’t so sure. He could hear that eerie  music getting louder. “You hear that?”

AQUATA had followed the ship here and she was ready for that competition of her own. She was going to drown one of these sailors and show Attina she was more than capable. She sang louder, knowing it would draw the pirates in.

ATTINA had followed her sister into the cove. It was one of their favorite spots to mess with sailors and naval men alike, at least, the ones stupid enough to venture inside. Her tail thrashed through the water as she glided, following the little row boat. Her voice raised to join her sister's as they approached the boat on the still, black water.

FERB followed Phineas into the boat, pulling the map they'd been given from where he'd tucked it into the waist of his trousers for safe keeping. He studied it closer in case there was a better way to navigate through where they were headed. At the movement of his brother’s hands he looked up and stared blankly at the offered question for a moment. He shook his because, well, he couldn’t hear anything at all. "What is it?" 

PHINEAS looked around. Duh! Only he could hear what he assumed was mermaids— at least if they tried some kind of mermaid enchantment, one person in this boat would be immune. 

 “Good point. If I start acting weird, weirder than I am now, smack me in the face with something, yeah? Sounds like mermaids. Be prepared,” he explained.

Mermaids. Perfect. FERB nodded and looked to the waters around them with a weary eye. Being a pirate really made a person’s chance of dying go up. Being surrounded by water, other pirate ships, the Navy, and now, mermaids were swimming around here somewhere. It made him wonder about their sister, if she had made it as far as they had. He looked around them, and took up the other oar in the boat to smack Phineas with if the need arose.

AQUATA had a slightly different strategy. She shook the water Tina had splashed out at her out of her eyes and headed toward the boat with the teenagers. Much easier target.  Hey, it wasn’t like there were rules! 

She sang louder as she approached, a wordless, creepy song. Some mermaids sang to create desire, but Aquata liked to create fear. Diving below the surface, Aquata pushed at the boat from beneath to rock it and then appeared on the other side and bared her teeth, continuing to push on the boat. 

PHINEAS was more intrigued by the mermaid than afraid. As the boat lurched back and forth, Phineas barely paid attention to his satchel sliding across the floor of the boat, too intrigued by the mermaid. He dropped his own oar and turned around to face Ferb. “You think we have time to stop and talk to her?”

FERB startled when the boat began to rock, limbs splaying out to capture his balance against the unstable seat. And when the mermaid herself showed up at the side of the boat he let out a sharp breath, pushing himself backward to the other side to get as far away from her as the small boat would allow. He could only stare at his brother as he seemed less than worried to be face to face with the mermaid. He took in his question and then went ahead and gave the back of his head a light smack with the paddle end of the oar. 

 “No!” He shook his head aggressively, movements jerky and quick. Ferb reached forward and grabbed Phineas by the collar to pull him away from the mermaid. 

No fair, AQUATA thought when the redheaded boy was pulled away. He was the easy target. But Aquata wasn't letting some dumb pirate kids get away this easy. She began to shake the boat more aggressively, sending the bag the boy had abandoned sliding back and forth across the deck. 

 PHINEAS was jerked out of his stupor when Ferb abruptly smacked him with the oar and pulled him away from the side of the boat. "Thanks." Phineas felt more than a little dumb. The mermaid was still there at the end of the boat, shaking it and grinning evilly. She seemed ready to flip the whole thing. "Shit. My bag! The jewel's in it!" Phineas realized, diving forward to retrieve it just as the mermaid's song swelled and the boat lurched violently. Phineas was able to grab onto the side of the boat, but the jewel wasn't so lucky. It rolled out of the bag and slipped below the surface. Without thinking twice, Phineas dove into the water after the jewel, hoping Ferb could fend off the mermaid himself and they could both get the hell out of there.

FERB could only watch, stilled by his own fear as Phineas jumped in after the damned jewel. He was able to move again after his brother had disappeared completely below the surface of the water, leaning heavily on the side of the boat to see if he could catch of glimpse of where Phineas had gone. Silently he pleaded for him to reappear quickly. What was he supposed to do now? Go in after him? Try to-? 

 He turned and caught sight of the mermaid once again. So, Phineas had just jumped into the water. The water where a mermaid who was trying to kill them was. A mermaid who could easily outswim Phineas. Good. Great. Okay! Ferb knew he needed to do something to keep the mermaid here instead of going after his brother. He threw the oar aside and lunged for her, his long limbs able to reach her. His hands clamped down around her wrists and pulled, trying to drag her up with him. If she was here then she couldn’t go after his brother. 

AQUATA was torn. On one hand, the red-haired boy had made himself an extremely easy target by jumping in the water himself, but she didn't want to let the other off the hook. If she swam back with two dead pirates in tow, there was no way Attina could disagree that Aquata had won. 

Before AQUATA could make a decision, the one in the boat grabbed her arms. Rage bubbled up inside her. Who was this boy to think he was the one in control here? Maybe Attina's strategy was a better one.... Or maybe the best strategy was to sabotage Attina. Her song changed from a low, menacing one to a high-pitched one of alarm. A cry for help. Aquata couldn't know for sure, but maybe if Attina thought she was in real trouble, she would abandon her own efforts. Once she did, Aquata would drag this boy under the water and grab his brother while she was at it, winning the competition while Attina scrambled to find her sailor. What could be easier? 

Or Attina would abandon her.... But she wouldn't, right? 

She screeched as loudly as she could, the noise carrying across the water and beneath the surface. 

It was as CLARION was scanning for Milori that she saw it. Or saw him. A boy diving for something glittery...was that a jewel? Clarion had a brief moment of concern: go for the prize or go make sure Milori was okay. But she liked to pride herself on selecting the best crew, people that wouldn't need their hands held for things. It...Milori would be fine. Right? 

She forced herself to dive after the jewel, determined to snatch it from the boy before he could get it back. 

FERB couldn’t hear what was coming out of the mermaid’s mouth, but he could feel the vibration of it as it rattled the wood of the boat he was pressed against and against the skin of her arms. Even the water seemed to ripple from whatever noise it was that was lost on him. She didn’t look happy, but Ferb dug his fingers in, not willing to let go for fear of what would happen to Phineas if he did. 

 But as she pulled back and he leaned forward, the boat tilted too far without any counter weight to keep it steady. It flipped over on itself and Ferb went headfirst into the water below. He let go of his hold on the mermaid to get all of his limbs free and propel him back to the surface to gasp for air. He looked left and right for any sign of her, or Phineas, or anyone, but found himself alone. Even their boat was slowly sinking into the water. The only thing on the surface was the map, floating across the top. Ferb swam toward it, knowing they would get in major trouble if they lost it. His fingers reached out, brushing the soggy fabric. Just as he made contact with it a bird snatched it up with its beak and took off into the sky. He watched it, slowly accepting the fact that this was just how today was going to go, and then turned to swim toward the shore in the hopes he could find Phineas or head back for their crew to help find him.

PHINEAS hadn't been scared of the mermaids before, but after that screech, he was getting a little shaky. Maybe it was time to go. He needed to get the jewel, get away from the mermaids, and get back to safety. Phineas had just spotted it sparkling on the sea floor when another pirate appeared before him. The captain of Queen Clarion's Revenge! This was getting worse and worse... or maybe it was an opportunity. The mermaids were still lurking about, and he didn't see Clarion's rowboat anywhere about. He could get the captain on his boat. Did that count as saving her life? He hoped so. 

He grabbed at the jewel, starting to realize he needed air soon. "FOLLOW ME!" Phineas mouthed, pointing toward the rowboat at the surface and reaching out to offer his hand.

CLARION would have cursed if she weren't underwater. As it was, the fact that the boy managed to grab the jewel first was infuriating. Still, she had lost her rowboat and she needed to get out of the unsafe waters of the mermaids. She grimaced and took the boy's hand, pulling herself up toward the surface. As she came up for air, she reached for the rowboat. Maybe she could commandeer his vessel and drag him back toward her ship with the jewel.

PHINEAS grinned, satisfied with himself, and broke the surface of the water, gasping for air. “You’re welcome,” he smirked, using all the strength he had to tip the boat toward him and climb aboard, jewel still securely in his fist. He turned around and offered a hand to the other ship’s captain. He could handle this! Of course he could. “M’lady.”

"It's Captain to you," CLARION retorted, taking his hand so she could pull herself into the boat. She wasn't about to be m'ladied by a child. Or anyone for that matter. She'd toss him right back into the water if he said it again. "Now hand over the jewel."

PHINEAS grinned and shook his head. “Not gonna happen, captain— huh, that rhymed!” He paused to appreciate his own genius and picked up his satchel to slip the gem back inside. “I just saved your life. You should be thanking me, not trying to steal from me!” 

"Hello....pirate," CLARION pointed out, drawing her sword as her lips curled up into a smile. "I need that jewel kid. It's nothing personal."

PHINEAS’s eyes widened. He was not a good swordsman and he knew he wouldn’t be able to fight Clarion off. Phineas fought better from a distance. “Why can’t you find your own jewel, huh? I should have let that mermaid get you. If we’re playing dirty. Isn’t there still a pirate code?” At this point, Phineas was just stalling. He figured if he could keep Clarion talking, it would give his ship time to find him before Clarion could turn him into shark bait. 

This boy truly was young and clueless if he didn't expect a pirate to betray another pirate for a jewel. CLARION couldn't help but snort. "The code is more like what you'd call guidelines than actual rules." Most of the time she stuck to the code to some degree. But for the prize? For the Pirate King's crown? No, she would do what it took to succeed. "Is this your first voyage boy?"

PHINEAS wasn’t about to admit to that. And he was kind of offended the captain had said it to begin with. “Course not. But I still believe in standards,” Phineas scoffed, hoping he sounded convincing. “If you kill me for that jewel, you’ll have that on your conscience forever.  Killing the man who saved your life. All for a silly crown.” Admittedly, Phineas wanted the crown just as badly, even if it was supposed to go to the captain. He’d find a way. “Do you really want to have to live with that? Forever?” 

 He backed up and stepped into a puddle of water. Uh oh. Hopefully that had just splashed in from all that jostling earlier. Phineas decided that was what it had to be. He wasn’t even going to consider the alternative. 

Standards. CLARION couldn't help but scoff. "You should have joined the navy then. They have quite vulgar standards. You might like that." And then Clarion would enjoy killing him even more. She was just debating on stabbing him and taking her prize when she noticed the puddle as well, eyeing the water that was starting to fill the boat. "Oh bloody hell...start rowing this toward my ship if you know what's good for you." There would be another rowboat at her ship she could toss him in if need be. She could regroup there.

PHINEAS scowled. The thought of seeing another ship was cool, but he didn't think he would make it out of Queen Clarion's Revenge alive. "Are you joking? I know what they do to prisoners on your ship. Let's get to shore, it's not far, and then I'll signal to my ship." The water was rising. Clarion was right. This was extremely bad. They needed to make a decision.  Must have been that damn mermaid, Phineas thought to himself. 

"We need to get moving, either way. I don't know how long those mermaids are going to stay away. So only if you swear to let me keep the jewel and get back to my ship." Based on  what had just happened, Phineas didn't think it was wise to make a promise with this captain. But what choice did he have?

CLARION raised an eyebrow. Did it look like she was joking? She could just toss him out of the boat now if she wanted. It was incredibly generous of her to even allow the boy near her ship. "I will not swear to let you keep the jewel. No harm will come to you while we return to my ship. That is what I can agree to. Take those terms or leave it." She gestured for him. "And start rowing before we sink in the middle of this cove." 

PHINEAS was panicking. At least if he was alive he could protect the jewel, but what about Ferb? They stuck together, no matter what, but Ferb was nowhere to be found. “Fine,” he agreed begrudgingly, and started rowing. “And you’ll help me find my brother? Once we can get a new boat. That’s what’s really important, anyway.” 

"Perhaps. I would like to find my own crew member as well." That was something that CLARION could temporarily agree to at least. If Milori should turn up anyway then she would of course cut off the deal. Ironic really that this boy wanted to get her to find his brother. If they really stuck with the code, they would leave the brother behind. "To you it certainly is."

PHINEAS paddled faster as the boat started to drag. The sooner he got off this rowboat, the sooner he could find Ferb and the sooner they could both find Candace. How had he ended up all alone like this? It felt so wrong. But there was always a way out. He had to hold onto that. 

 “Of course it is. We’re a team. We stick together,” Phineas said as though it were the most obvious thing. “Don’t you have someone on your crew like that? I think everyone does.”

"Mhm. Not very pirate-y of you though." CLARION remarked coolly. Then again, if anything happened to Nyx, Clarion would set the world on fire to bring her back. Milori was a dear companion, but Clarion wasn't sure if she would treat him with the same...ah well. It didn't matter. She believed Milori would make it out. He had to. He was a capable pirate. "A rather bold assumption of you to make child. Perhaps it's every pirate for themselves." She gestured for him to steer a little more to the left. "That way."

PHINEAS scowled. “I’m not a child,” he protested, taking the boat in the direction Clarion pointed. “Even if I were who cares? I’ve been at sea for a while. You need people to look out for you or you’re dead. And you need people to look out for or you’re just sad. How is that un-pirate-like?”

CLARION couldn't help but snort. If he had to protest, then she would still consider him a child. "If a man falls behind...he's left behind. That is a part of the pirate's code." She wasn't going to acknowledge the rest of that. Clarion wasn't sad. She had the crew that she needed and they were all capable. They didn't need rescuing.

PHINEAS didn’t get that. The Golden Lust was full of big personalities who looked out for themselves, but at the end of the day, they were there for each other, for the most part. This was making Phineas even more apprehensive about going on the Revenge. But again, what was he going to do about it? The rowboat was looking worse and worse by the second. 

 “I guess that’s your pirate code,” Phineas shrugged. “How much further? We might have to jump out and swim soon. This is looking pretty bleak.”

Episode 2: The High Seas

(Ft. Roxas and the Kraken)

Summary: A storm and a kraken put the Golden Lust in serious danger, the brothers improvise cannons with some bottles of rum, and one crewmember is lost to the Kraken.

PHINEAS had volunteered to help navigate now that Tink needed to rest. He believed this would gain the favor of the ship when the day came that he would take over as captain (which, he was sure, would be soon) but he hadn't realized that so much work went into this. He had instruments to calibrate and people to call to with instructions, plus the skies were starting to darken which was worrying. 

One thing he wasn't paying attention to was the map. He had intuition after all, didn't he? Still, he thought he should get a second opinion. So when he spotted Ferb out on the deck, Phineas gestured for him to come help. "You think I'm doing this right?” he asked, his hands moving erratically.

FERB couldn’t believe that Phineas had managed to finagle his way to the top so easily. Actually, no, that was a lie. He could believe it. He had gotten the two of them on this ship and this far out to sea, he couldn’t doubt his brother from doing anything anymore. 

 He glanced around himself when Phineas signaled to him, making sure that no one was paying attention to him as he left his cleaning supplies sitting on the deck. His brows furrowed as he took in all the things Phineas was having to coordinate together to steer them in the right direction. Ferb kept his eyes on the map as he signed to Phineas, “It depends. Where are we supposed to be headed this time?”

PHINEAS thought it was unfair that Ferb was still having to do things like swabbing the deck. Well, and he did too. After the battle with the Lost Wench and blowing up their master gunner's hand, Phineas had a lot to make up for. But at least he found ways to pass those tasks off to some of the younger crew.  

"Back to port. We need to restock. We're running low on ammunition," Phineas replied with a satisfied smile. He liked knowing the goings-on of the ship. "You want to take the helm? I'll go check the..." He froze. "Ferb, where is the map?"

FERB looked up to watch Phineas’ hands. Ah, right, after that last battle they would need all the ammunition the ports could supply them with. This search and fight for these jewels were really shaping up to be terrible ordeals. There was so much chaos and blood and— what had Phineas just said? 

 He turned back to look at the space where the map had just been. A shadow caught his eye and Ferb peered upwards to spot a bird, carrying the map away in its beak. He blindly slapped at his brother then pointed up to where the bird was taking off and shook his head. “Someone has got to be storing those things with bird seed or something. That’s the second one they’ve stolen from us.” 

PHINEAS groaned. “Again?!” he threw his hands up in frustration and watched the bird fly away. “We’ll just have to wing it. No pun intended.” He took a second to feel proud of himself before remembering that things had just gone very sour. And it was technically his fault. And his responsibility to take care of at this point. 

 He saw some movement in the distance. It was dangerous, but maybe if there was another ship nearby they could follow it to a landmark. 

 “Let’s go that way.”

FERB didn’t know if that was the best course of action. There were no friends among the seas. If the Navy caught them, they were dead. If it was another pirate ship, they were dead. But he saw no other option, either. If they took off into any one direction they could wind up sailing to the middle of nowhere and then where would they be? Oh, right. Dead. 

 And Phineas’ plans, though sometimes reckless, had paid off so far. It felt like they were that much closer to being able to take the ship for themselves to freely go in search for their sister. They just needed to stay alive long enough to do so. “No risk, no reward.” 

PHINEAS nodded seriously in agreement and called to the crew to get the ship on course. As they began to approach the figure in the distance, though, Phineas could see that it wasn’t a ship at all. There was a hulking dark shadow that Phineas didn’t even have a word for. 

He tapped Ferb on the shoulder and pointed. “I don’t think that’s a ship...” he signed slowly, eyes widening in fear. 

FERB had turned his attention back to the instruments that the birds hadn’t managed to make off with. Bloody heathens, they were almost as bad as the pirates themselves. He glanced up when Phineas poked him, having to do a double take at the sight of the other boy’s body language and facial expressions. Ferb followed his line of sight to the shadowy figure that seemed to be...under the water? Was it a rock formation or some sort of sunken ship? He didn’t know the waters were that shallow here. 

 He gave Phineas one last look before indicating that he should follow before Ferb rushed over to the front of the ship, stepping with one foot up on the ledge to get a better look at what they were heading toward. He held onto a rope to keep himself from falling overboard. With the other hand he pointed as the figure moved. Too quick for comfort. “What is that?”

PHINEAS had a bad feeling about this. He had always thought that the mysteries of the sea were enchanting and exciting, and part of the reason he had wanted to board the ship (aside from saving Candace, of course) was to see them up close. But now that he was approaching whatever this was, it made him feel queasy. And it definitely wasn't the rocky seas that forbade bad weather or all that rum he had drunk last night that was causing this. 

 "Ferb, I think it's a..." He didn't even know what to call this. "Some kind of sea monster. We should get the cannons ready. And sail faster!" Was that the way to handle this? Phineas had no idea, but he was panicking. 

FERB had to take his eyes off the thing in the water to see what Phineas was saying to him, even though he felt like if he did then it would disappear and pop back up closer. He could feel the wind began to get faster. The temperature of it dropped as it blew across the deck and caught in the sails. He stepped down from the ledge, taking note of the tense air that Phineas had taken up. Ferb put his hands on his brother’s shoulder and gave him a steadying look. Then he pulled away to free his hands to sign. 

 “If you panic now, so will everyone else. We need this ship and this crew intact if we have any hope of finding Candace.” He looked back out to sea for a moment before turning back. “You can do this. I know you can, you've gotten us this far. Just use your brain and think.” 

ROXAS had been manning the helm in place of Captain Tink, trying to get them through the rough seas, but it didn't look like things would be getting better. In fact, it seemed inclined to get even worse. And on top of that...there was a strange blur in the water. 

 "We should try to steer clear of that lads. There's no telling what that could be..." The blur was actually starting to move closer, and as it did, it started to take shape, and the image of it was.... "KRAKEN!" He yelled, glancing at the first hapless crewman. "You man the helm. Ferb! We have to load those canons. Let's move move move." 

FERB had left Phineas to do what he did best and ran to go help with what he could. The man, Roxas as Phineas had finger spelled for him after the initial introductions with the crew had gone over Ferb’s head, looked like he was addressing him. But Ferb had no idea what he was saying or how to tell him that. 

He came forward to stand before Roxas, pointing toward the sea monster they were up against, and then made an exploding motion with his hands balling into fists before coming apart. Then he made a circular motion with his hands, to showcase the canon ball, acting as if he was holding one. Ferb then gave a shrug and shook his head because they didn’t have anymore cannonballs after their last battle. And, as if to top off their situation, rain began to sprinkle down upon them with lightening making the sky glow in flashed fragments. How lovely of Mother Nature to treat them so.

Could this get any worse? ROXAS already thought a storm was difficult enough to handle on its own. But now there was a kraken? And they were out of ammunition? It took him a long minute to process what Ferb was signing to him, but he got the jist of it. They didn't have what they needed. 

 This situation would not end well for them. Not at all. Not unless they figured something else out. "Shit. Okay. You and I are going to look for new ammunition." He pointed at himself and Ferb and then tried to gesture about looking for something, hoping that the gist would be clear. This was slowing him down. They needed to come up with a solution. Now. He could see out of the corner of his eye a long tentacle starting to draw up the side of the ship. Shit.

 "Quickly!" He nudged Ferb and started down the steps to glance through their supplies

FERB nodded eagerly, already having an idea of what it was they could use. Something they had an abundance of and something that was highly flammable. He went where Roxas directed him, his long limbs making their way down the stairs as fast as they could. Ferb jogged forwards to where this ship kept their massive supply of alcohol. The bottles were vast and in no short supply. 

 He pulled two bottles from their places and hoisted them in the air. Ferb turned to show Roxas before shoving one into his hands. He pointed to Roxas’ mouth then to the other members of the crew around them that were scrambling for what to do, indicating that he needed to inform everyone of their new supply of ammo. 

"Not the rum!" ROXAS protested at first, before he looked at the other supplies that they had and frowned. There really weren't a lot of other options for them. Roxas cursed. Not having the rum would make for a rotten crew the next few days. But they'd just have to accept that deal. 

 He grabbed hold of some of the rum and then glanced around at the rest of the crew. "MEN! Load the canons with all the rum that we've got! We're going to blast this foul beast back to davey jones' locker!" He nodded at Ferb, encouraging him to continue his own work as he rushed off to load as many canons as he could as well. 

FERB could see the hesitancy in Roxas’ face. No, he didn’t quite understand everyone’s want to drink the bitter and foul tasting liquid, but he knew it was important to the majority of the crew. Thankfully, he seemed to realize that it was death or the rum here and was willing to sacrifice the drink. He returned the nod, and got to work. Around him other crew members were gathering bottles, taking swigs from them, before loading them up into the canons. 

Above them the rain began to poor down in heavy sheets and something heavy crashed against the side of the boat. It tipped to one side for a terrifying moment before touching back down into the water. 

ROXAS ran from one end of the ship to the other, attempting to help them all with the canons. The ship rocked precariously and Roxas' stomach lurched. They were really in for it now weren't they? "Get ready to fire men!" 

He turned toward Ferb, gesturing for him to aim at one of the foul beast's tentacles. They had to try to destroy it. If this didn't work...he wasn't sure what else they would do.

FERB kept his eyes bouncing between Roxas and the small window the canon was being aimed out of. He almost didn’t want to look out at the scene around the boat because holy hell was it terrifying. Ferb had not even fathom that something could be so scary and massive. How had it even grown to be that size! 

At Roxas’ gesturing, Ferb shoved the cannon into position. It was hard, trying to get the right aim on the target when it kept moving. Even if it was huge. Finally, with the fuse lit, there was no choice but to let fate take the reigns. The cannon fired, only the vibrations of it registering for Ferb. After he recovered he looked out through the small opening. They’d hit it! The tentacle had got a massive chunk taken out of it and was singed. Instead of retreating though, the monster thrashed about in pain.

PHINEAS grinned, surprised and proud. Not that he had ever doubted Ferb, of course, but this was a kraken! He caught Ferb’s attention and waved his arms wildly in celebration. “THAT’S MY BROTHER!!” Phineas signed emphatically, sort of dancing around. 

 In the midst of Phineas’s celebration, the ship lurched and Phineas lost his grip on his own cannon. “Here goes nothing!” he shouted, mostly for Roxas’s benefit, though he shot an excited look in Ferb’s direction before lighting his own cannon and firing at the Kraken.

FERB couldn’t even have time to revel in the excitement of the moment of hitting a giant sea monster that was attacking the ship because— well, a giant sea monster was attacking the ship. He quickly reloaded the cannon, shoving the bottle of rum inside, and pushing it back up to the window. Phineas’ shot went off and Ferb ducked his head to watch it make contact, too. 

 The sound the kraken gave off was loud enough for Ferb to feel it reverberating through his own chest cavity. The boat shook with it and then again at the monster’s movements in the water caused big waves for the Golden Lust to sail against. 

PHINEAS ducked as the boat shook. The reality began to set in that they were on a very little boat up against some very big waves and an even bigger sea monster. There was a possibility that this ship was going down, and before Phineas would even get to find his sister. 

 No way. He wasn’t going to let that happen. “ARRRGH!” Phineas shouted, firing off another bottle of rum (and mourning it a little bit). “You good?” he signed to Ferb quickly.

TW: Death by becoming a kraken snack 

ROXAS fired his guns at the Kraken as well, though the monster didn't seem that phased, and they really needed to come up with a new solution, or something big in order to get the thing away from their ship. The ship rocked and Roxas started up the shrouds, hoping that he might find a better angle to hit the kraken with. 

He fired again and again. "Don't waver men! Hit it with everything you've got!" He called, glancing around for Phineas and Ferb to see how they were doing. And that was where it all went wrong. That moment of distraction, that lapse was enough for him to miss the tentacle that came up behind him. Before he could turn, it wrapped itself around his waist and tore him off of the shrouds of the ship. 

 The man was thrown into the air, dangling over the maw of the beast. Roxas tried to fire at the tentacle that was holding him there, but the wild movements of the beast made it impossible. He couldn't get loose. He wouldn't be able to get loose, and even if he did... 

 He glanced at the horrid maw of the beast, and he aimed the pistol he'd taken from Sora. He could do one last thing for his crew. He would do it. He fired at the Kraken's eye, just as the monster loosened his grip and he fell, fell straight into the mouth of the Kraken.

PHINEAS watched in horror as Roxas was snapped up by the Kraken. He had heard the seas were dangerous, hell, he knew the ship could have gone down then and there, but he never imagined he would see it play out. And Roxas had always seemed so sure, so capable. It was his idea to set off the rum, after all, and now he had defeated the Kraken. 

But the Kraken had defeated him. 

 Phineas cried out in fear and anger, just as the skies open and a monsoon set upon the boat. “BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!” Phineas yelled, his face contorted in pain, signing along so Ferb could join the efforts. He started pulling the sails down. “WE’LL TALK LATER, WE’LL TOAST LATER, BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO SURVIVE THIS!” 

FERB had been looking at Roxas, went to fill the cannon back up with a bottle of rum, and turned back to find the man was gone. His eyes found Phineas, who was looking elsewhere. Following his line of sight he saw what it was that had made his brother’s expression look so terrified. The monster had taken Roxas. 

 Ferb couldn’t watch anymore after that. 

 Phineas was right. Of course he was right, they needed to live if Roxas dying was going to mean anything. He abandoned the canon, slipping across the wood that was getting soaked by the rain. It stung his skin as it hit down and it was hard to see through all the water in his eyes, but he pushed through to help the other crew members get control of their ship back from the storm and the sea. 

Visibility was getting worse and PHINEAS just wanted to get below decks before anyone else went overboard. He had barely processed what happened to Roxas, but he couldn't let it happen to Ferb or anyone else. The ropes were slick with rain, but Phineas managed to get a few of the sails down before deciding that it was probably smartest to take cover. Squinting through the downpour, Phineas scrambled to find Ferb and tapped his shoulder to get his attention. 

 "To the hold!" he signed frantically.

Episode 3: The Ruins of Fort Lyons

Ft. Ghost Roxas and some overheard noises from Barrel and Wilbur

Summary: Phineas and Ferb go searching for a jewel in the tunnels under the ruins of Fort Lyons, and a few things go bump in the night.

PHINEAS would have felt more ready for this if not for what had happened the other night with the storm. It had been a wake up call: this was dangerous stuff. Worse, this creepy fort was giving him the heebie-jeebies. He could swear he heard Roxas’s voice somewhere. 

 He held the lantern higher to give off more light and quickly indicated to Ferb that they should check for the gem in one of these old barracks. Phineas had no idea where it could be, but it seemed like a start. 

FERB had started to wonder just what he and Phineas were doing out here in the ocean. On a pirate ship. During the biggest treasure hunt of the decade. He had come out here to find their sister, not to wind up stumbling around a bunch of abandoned ruins in the night. How many times had they almost died now? Not to mention Roxas! He actually had died for this thing. And he couldn’t see how they were any closer to finding Candace. 

 He nodded to Phineas as he saw where his brother was thinking. With a tentative step forward, he entered the first room, having no faith in the foundation of this place to keep even a feather from letting it fall apart.

PHINEAS was positive this place was haunted the minute he stepped in. Which sounded like a great adventure in normal circumstances, but given Phineas’s recent brushes with death, it was more creepy than anything. 

 He stepped inside carefully, and jumped when he heard a floorboard creak. Phineas paused and looked around. “I don’t see anything,” he signed by the light of the lantern, though he could feel a tingle on the back of his neck. Like something was watching. Or someone. 

 “Let’s keep going.” Phineas took another step forward, but didn’t see the gaping hole in the floor. He yelled in surprise and hit the ground below hard. “What the...”

FERB nearly jumped out of his skin when Phineas started signing, his movements casting odd shadows around the walls. Fortunately, it was just Phineas and not some other pirate or creepy creature come to drag them into the wall with them. 

 He turned away when Phineas suggest they continue and in the next moment, vibrations through the floor and the distinct lack of light indicated a shift in the air. Ferb looked back to find that his brother was missing and in his place a puff of dust. He bent down to squint through the darkness of the hole in the floor. But he couldn’t call down nor would he be able to know if Phineas replied. 

 So, not wanting to be separated from him again on one of these adventures and run in with another big blonde pirate, Ferb jumped down after his brother. 

When PHINEAS hit the ground, he was sure this was going to bruise, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that the lantern skittered away and flickered out. Now Phineas couldn’t see where he was going or even communicate with Ferb— they had been relying on that lantern to see each other. 

 But even if they chose to turn back now, where would they go? They had just fallen through a hole in the floor and there didn’t seem to be an exit in sight.

Phineas dusted himself off and took a shaky breath. At least he could kind of see Ferb with some light coming in through the floorboards and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He reached a hand out to help Ferb up, hoping that this time at least they wouldn’t be separated.

FERB went still at the feeling of someone touching him. It took him a moment to recognize Phineas’ outline in the dark. Layers of relief settled on top of the other. That Phineas was up and coherent enough to stand. That they hadn’t been split up. Sure, the light had gone out and they had no idea where the hell they were, but as long as Ferb wasn’t alone in the dark, he could handle it. 

 He let Phineas help him to his feet, having to lean a little bit into him before he could really get his balance together. Once he could stand on his own two feet without feeling like the world was slanted, he kept one hand on Phineas shoulder and tapped his lightly twice to indicated that he was okay. For the most part, anyways. There was no telling what he had just inhaled.

PHINEAS and Ferb had signs for communicating without talking, but they didn’t really have a language for pitch darkness. They’d never really needed it before. But Phineas knew his brother well enough to understand what the tap meant. He tapped Ferb’s hand on his shoulder as if to acknowledge that he agreed, they were both okay. They hadn’t been separated, and that was what mattered.

Something rustled up ahead and there was a low, creepy sound. Phineas stopped short, listening carefully. He glanced at Ferb, whom he could only barely see in the darkness, and then started walking again, hoping Ferb would get the message to proceed with caution. Maybe that was something Phineas never did, proceeding with caution, but for once, he didn’t want to take any risks.

And, with another tap, FERB could stop worrying about Phineas being hurt. All this could have been in vein for whatever else this place had in store for them. Especially now that they were standing under the floor that they had just fallen through. There was no telling when or where it could come down on them or if they would go through the floor again. They didn’t even have the light to help, which was disorientating to Ferb since he had spent his whole life relying heavily on his sight. 

 At Phineas movement next to him, the usual enthusiasm within quick movements lost to slow and steady beats, did tell Ferb what he needed to know about his brother’s thinking. At first he was relieved to know they were on the same page of taking things slow and steady until they found some other source of light. But then— if Phineas was acting cautious, then something must have really been wrong. He followed, reaching out with one hand in front of him to make sure he didn’t go walking right into a wall. Or worse.

PHINEAS shivered as the tunnel got deeper, darker, and colder. They were definitely not alone in here... but who else could there be? Other pirates could be bad, but this didn’t seem like the living... This seemed like something else entirely. 

 He heard whisperings and low, angry growls, and slowed down more. If only they had the lantern, Phineas would feel better. He tapped Ferb a few times in quick succession, as though to warn him. 

 And then Phineas heard voices. Human. Sounded like kids their age. How scary could they be? At least he and Ferb weren’t the only humans here. Still, Phineas was going ahead with caution. He drew his slingshot out of his pocket, even though there was no way he could aim it in the darkness.

FERB soon regretted having his hand held out to touch his surroundings because as soon as his fingers came into contact with the delicate and sticky threads of a web, he sighed. Now that they had been walking down here for a little while he only had one question: Why? Just, why? 

 He brushed off his hand on his shirt, entering into a sort of level of surrealness about their situation. To think, if this was any other night they’d be sitting at home by the fire with their sister and parents. They would talk and Ferb would watch their facial expressions and not have to worry about things like walking through a crumbling building in the dark. Ferb gave Phineas a tap in acknowledgement, not totally unaware of the shifting in the air but oblivious as to what it could be. He did find Phineas’ upper arm to squeeze lightly, a silent plea to be careful. 

PHINEAS tensed up when he heard the voices get clearer. Fight. He heard the word fight. Phineas was already freaked out enough about the ghosts, and throwing people into that only made it worse. Phineas wanted out of here. Now. It wasn't funny or exciting anymore. There was a pit in his stomach growing worse by the second, but what else could they do but go forward? 

 The squeeze of his arm made him feel a little bit better. Ferb was still here. But what if they got separated again? What if... Phineas didn't even want to think about the worse option. 

 He squeezed Ferb's arm back and then let go to draw back his slingshot. He didn't know if the ghosts or the people would find him first, but even if a weapon didn't do much against a ghost, it made him feel better to be prepared. The air turned cold again and Phineas swore he had just walked through a ghost or something, but he kept moving, looking around frantically though he couldn't see much. 

FERB, despite his run in with mermaids and skeleton people, still hadn’t come to this place with a weapon. This was mostly because he didn’t trust himself with one. Like now, what if he was carrying around a weapon in the dark and wound up hitting or hurting the wrong person because he didn’t have hearing or sight to rely on? He would have been so caught up in wondering if he should hit that the weapon would be more a detriment than something useful. 

 He let go of his hold on Phineas, able to see the vague outline of him pulling the slingshot back beside him and not wanting to get in the way of the shot. Not that he was sure Phineas knew what he was firing at but if he was even arming himself, there must have been something up ahead of them that had caught his attention. 

 Though he couldn’t hear whatever it may have been, something made the walls around them shiver and a bit of the ceiling get knocked loose into lines of dust to fall around them. He wished he knew how to help, but without the light and without a weapon of his own, Ferb was as he usually was, useless.

At the sound of the gunshot, PHINEAS didn't think, he just released the stone he had pulled back into the distance and pulled Ferb to the side wall of the tunnel. He didn't know if a bullet had even fired in their direction, but in case it had, he had to get Ferb out of the way. Shaking, Phineas tapped Ferb's shoulder again, trying to figure out whether he was okay. He was beginning to regret this. He should never have brought Ferb in the first place. Ferb was younger, basically still a kid. He didn't deserve to be thrown into danger just because Phineas had an impulsive idea and fancied himself a pirate. 

 And then he heard another voice. A threatening one. The navy? But it sounded young. Maybe there were other pirates here. What if he and Ferb were found and framed? And it wasn't as though the pirates had exactly gone away. Phineas took a deep breath and turned around, looking to Ferb nervously as though for approval. He didn't know if there was even a way out in the direction they had come from, but he knew there were ghosts and angry sailors in the direction they were going. And Ferb seemed okay now, but Phineas didn't want to risk another scare like that.

FERB went as Phineas directed him, allowing his body to be pulled to the side without resistance because he trusted Phineas enough to do so. There was a stilled moment where Ferb waited for something to happen. This was often how situations in his life played out, waiting and watching. This time, he had been waiting for Phineas’ tap. He returned it, making sure it was reassuring and nothing to cause alarm. 

 But he could feel Phineas’ eyes still on him, could feel the fear and nerves that were becoming more and more volatile within the walls of this place. They needed to get out of the dark that was suffocating the light out of his brother. And sometimes, Ferb had found, his lack of hearing shielded him from things in life. Hurtful words, loud noises that made the heart jump, and even the small whispered things in the night that kept people from dreaming peacefully. 

 He latched onto Phineas’ forearm and gave a firm tug on it before he started to talk forward again, this time at a faster pace than they had been before. Damn caution, it was only allowing the walls of this place to eat away at them. Now was the time to throw it down with their broken lantern and get a move on before they never made it out of here.

PHINEAS was surprised at Ferb's decisiveness. And still a little worried. He was used to being the leader, the one with the big, dangerous ideas, who never thought before he acted. So being the one to follow was strange. But in some ways, he trusted Ferb more than he trusted himself, at least in moments like this. So he increased his pace to catch up. 

 He just hoped Ferb wasn't doing all of this for that stupid jewel. That was how it felt in the moment, anyway. Phineas knew getting the jewel would impress the crew, and it meant Phineas could stand a chance at the pirate crown, but at this point it didn't seem worth it. What was really important was making it out of here with himself and Ferb alive, and finding Candace. 

 Phineas didn't really know where he was going anymore, but it didn't matter. Anywhere but here. This place was cursed. Haunted. Something seriously dark had already happened here tonight, and Phineas didn't know what it was, but for once, he didn't want to find out.

FERB had compartmentalized whatever fear had been growing inside of him ever since Phineas had fallen through the floor. For right now nothing existed besides his feet moving and Phineas’ arm under his hand. One step forward was one step closer to getting out of these rooms and back to somewhere with light and air that didn’t smell like it was tainted with something. 

 That cold feeling that had followed them down here seemed to grow frigid the farther they went but Ferb ignored this. It was not one of the things that mattered to him. But maybe it should have because the farther they got, the heavier he started to feel. His blood began to feel cold under his skin and carried that feeling all over his body. This numbing effect, like when he leaned on his leg for too long and came away with the feeling of pins and needles against his skin. It made him slow to a stop because it seemed to be reaching his eyes, too. It was dark, but this had started to make him see less and less until there was nothing. He tried to move his arms, but found that they didn’t respond to his brain’s instructions. 

Nothing was responding to him anymore, not even his own mind, which had grown cold, too.

PHINEAS felt a little more reassured now that Ferb seemed confident. But as they went deeper into the tunnels, the chilling feeling returned. Phineas couldn't hear the other boys anymore, but he could hear whispers. Creaks. Whooshes. The sounds of haunting. Worse, Ferb was acting strangely. Had he noticed something Phineas hadn't? 

 He paused and tapped Ferb on the arm again, just to check in. Maybe Phineas had been wrong to trust Ferb's choice. Maybe they should have turned back. He gestured toward the direction they had just come from, as though to indicate that they could still turn back.

ROXAS was filled with anger. It was as if it was the only emotion that consumed him. It consumed him enough that he followed the crew as they went to port. Followed them to sea again. Followed as they went into the ruins. Roxas hadn't had any control. 

 But finally, finally after plenty of testing and trying, Roxas saw an opportunity. Roxas lunged forward and through Ferb, taking unsteady control over the boy. He lifted the boy's hands awkwardly first, tilted his head left and right to test out the movement. 

 His gaze turned toward Phineas, narrowing his eyes at him. "You" he snarled, the anger flooding his senses and making the control over the body harder.

PHINEAS nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound. At first, he looked around, expecting the voice to be from elsewhere, maybe the boy from earlier. But it became evident, even in the darkness, that it was coming from Ferb. 

 That didn't make sense. He and Ferb never spoke to each other. They had other ways of communicating... Something was wrong. 

 "...What?" he squeaked. "Ferb?" He reached for Ferb's shoulder, for another check-in tap. 

ROXAS lifted the boy's hand and slapped Phineas' hand away. "It's your fault. It's your fault." He pointed at Phineas and lurched toward the boy, stiff in his movement because it wasn't his body, it didn't react the same way his own did. It was inconvenient. 

 Still, Roxas pushed forward. "If it weren't for you....your fault. You're gonna pay."

PHINEAS's stomach lurched. This wasn't... there was no way this could be Ferb. It didn't make sense. Something had happened to him-- was it something in the air down here? Or maybe something supernatural? He had a feeling it was haunted... 

"Who are you and what did you do to Ferb?!" Phineas demanded, backing up against the wall and reaching into his pocket for another stone. He didn't want to hurt Ferb, but he couldn't be too careful. Because what if this was some kind of illusion? Or impersonator? "Get away! I didn't do anything wrong! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You're gonna pay...." ROXAS repeated, bending over and lifting up a stone of his own. "I died cause of you....pay Phineas...." He rasped, swinging his arm back and throwing the stone hard for the boy's head. It wasn't the most useful weapon, but it was the best that he had in the moment. "Pay..."

PHINEAS ducked as the stone barely missed him. His heart was beating out of control-- who had died because of him? Whatever had just happened with that gunshot? Some sailor or pirate? Wait... was it Roxas? 

 Whatever had taken control of Ferb, Phineas wanted it out. Even if it could potentially be a former crew member. Phineas did feel guilty about what had happened during that storm, but he wanted his brother back more. 

 He had an idea, but he didn't like it. PHINEAS pulled out the stone and launched it at Ferb. "Give me my brother back!" he shouted, his voice shaking in fear.

ROXAS attempted to twist away from the stone, but the body struggled, and it was awkward to move with. The stone hit the boy right in the head, and since control was difficult enough anyway, it tossed Roxas right back out again, tumbling away in fury. 

 He'd get him again. This wouldn't be the last time Roxas would try something. But for now? He would wait.

PHINEAS watched Ferb fall to the ground and only briefly felt relieved that it seemed to have worked. And then he remembered that he had just hit him right in the head with a rock and there was still reason to be worried. 

 He crouched down next to Ferb, trying to see through the darkness of the tunnel whether he was breathing. Mercifully, when Phineas checked Ferb’s wrist for a pulse, there was one. He shook Ferb’s shoulder gently, then a little more urgently. “Wake up...” Phineas muttered, trying to stay calm. They would get out of this. They always had, hadn’t they?

Phineas tried again to get Ferb to wake up, but it was no use. This wasn't going to be easy, with Ferb being so much taller than Phineas, but they had to get out of there before the ghost came back. Phineas thought about calling for help, but he didn't know if those sailors were still down here and, if they were, he definitely didn't want them to find him. He was just going to have to try and carry Ferb back to the ship as best he could. Maybe Kovu would be able to help. 

 It didn't seem likely that Phineas would be able to fight anyone off if he did run into trouble, but just in case, Phineas looked around for another stone to keep in his pocket. There was a larger one toward the far wall of the tunnel, and when Phineas picked it up, he realized it wasn't a normal stone. It was too smooth and dense. Could this be a jewel? 

 Phineas pocketed it, making a note to look at it once Ferb had been taken care of, and then awkwardly shifted Ferb onto his back. You owe me big time, bro, Phineas thought, then spotted a patch of moonlight in the distance down the tunnel. An exit? 

 Sure enough, as Phineas approached, (slowed a bit by the effort of carrying Ferb) Phineas could see a set of stairs. He struggled up the stairs and out of the tunnel, relieved to breathe fresh air and see the moon again. For once, Phineas wanted nothing more than to make it back to the ship