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ambivalence-is-me · 1 month

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Your Power (2)

Pairing: Azriel x reader

Summary: The day has come, you had to face the consequences of your actions. Thinking about seeing Azriel and the inner circle again made you incredibly nervous, you pray you make it out alive.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: mentions of death

A/N: The amount of feedback I got from this was INSANE! Thank you so much!!! I promise there will be more azriel and reader coming! I don’t know how many parts there will be of this tbh so, don’t give up on me! I’ve never had to make a taglist so, pls be patient with me :) thanks again and sorry for the grammar mistakes!

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‘’They teach you History in school, right?’’

‘’Yes.’’ Being used to talking about random stuff, your nephew continued to stuff his face with food.

‘’So, has someone ever died for upsetting, I-I don’t know, a high lord perhaps?’’

You hoped you were being nonchalant after asking, taking a sip of the drink your sister-in-law served with the meal. She rewarded you with a confused expression from across the table.

‘’Yes.’’

For the second time, you hoped your eyes didn’t show anything that you were feeling.

‘’Right…’’

‘’In Night Court, or actually, it might’ve been Autumn I can’t remember’’ He shrugged his little shoulders not thinking twice about the statement.

Not knowing that it was doing nothing to calm your nerves or fear. Which, thanks to your sister-in-law, dwindled down a bit after she reminded you that it was probably many many centuries ago where the males in higher positions were not the same ones that are now...well, at least in the Night Court.

‘’So, is there any reason you’re asking about high lords and their patience?’’

She asked after dinner was over and you were helping clean up, your nephew away in his room. And so, you told her everything. You were actually glad she was asking because you’ve been holding on to that information ever since the encounter with the Shadowsinger the day before.

After he left, physically at least because he was still very much popping up in your brain, Sabrina asked you a million questions about it but you were too shocked to explain the situation to her. She had asked again this morning but a rush of customers had walked in the shop, saving you from retelling the awkward encounter.

So really, you hadn’t told a single soul of what was going to happen in the next few days. You considered briefly speaking to your mother about it but you knew she wouldn’t be of help, instead you knew she would reprimand you for even being out with your friend on a Friday night.

‘’You’re not getting any younger now, Y/N. You have to start thinking about getting married and starting a family.’’ She always said.

Easy for her to say, she had no idea how hard it was to court someone these days. But you knew where she was coming from. There was a time when they thought there was all the time in the world for love, for a family but quickly after your brother died, it seemed like eternity was no longer secured, danger lurked in the corners, capable of snatching any one of us away without a second thought.

So yes, you understand that it’s her just worried that you were going to end up like your brother (dead) but worse because you hadn’t experience real love like he did. But truthfully, in your head, if you were going to die unexpectedly then it was better that you weren’t attached to someone. Why would you want them to go through that?

‘’I think they just want to talk about Velaris. You told them that Velaris needed them.’’

You scoffed ‘’Because it’s true, you know this.’’

‘’Yes but apparently they don’t. Which is why, I think you should go with a plan.’’

‘’A plan?’’

It ended up being more like a list (your brother would be proud). A list of all the troubles you knew some of your neighbours were experiencing, of some of the unsafe things you’ve observed while walking down the Sidra many times ago. A list of all the things they’ve missed while doing whatever it is that they do when there is not a war.

With this list, you will tell them just how much Velaris needs some reconstruction, some hope.

You had no idea if this was truly what they wanted from you but after being told 14 times that ‘’No, they’re not gonna kill you silently in a library’’, you figured it was better than going empty handed.

It makes sense, I guess, you thought the next day. The day before the meeting would take place. You edited the list about 4 times, erasing and adding, scratching and ‘’Should I put them in order of priority?’’ ‘’No, let them figure that out by themselves’’.

Every time you glanced at the list, you would remember the hazel eyes. Would he be there? Would Azriel think your list is stupid? Would he think you’re pathetic for entertaining the idea of the inner circle needing you? Would he stare at you like he did back in your office? A little bit of amusement in his beautiful eyes. Or would he not spare you a second glance? Protecting his high lord and lady from the crazy drunk female with a list.

All of these thoughts flying back and forth in your mind that night as you stared at your backyard in silence, a glass of wine in hand. In a couple of hours, you’d be making your way to The Library and Mother knows what will happen.

The backyard was a mess. Shortly after finding your job at the music shop, you found a nice little house with a big backyard.

‘’I’ll help you turn it into a nice patio where you can invite your friends and play some music out there’’. Your brother had said after you told him how you liked the house but the backyard was too big for you.

Over time, both of you had come up with a design plan of what to do with it, how to turn it around for you. In paper, it was a beautiful masterpiece and you couldn’t wait till it turned into reality. You bought the materials needed for it and waited for your brother so you could start together.

Years later, the materials still lay in the middle of the yard, waiting.

Hybern took your brother, your dreams and your backyard with it.

You knew you could hire someone to do it, honestly you knew you could it yourself (it would take time and lots of patience) or with your sister-in-law but…this was something you wanted to do with your brother. Picking up a single thing without him didn’t seem right.

Alas, your yard was a mess, leaving it like this didn’t also seem right (your neighbors would agree).

‘’Tomorrow’’ you whispered. Tomorrow you would start fixing it, you had to.

If you survived that meeting, there was no way you were going to keep leaving it like a mess. And as you continued to ponder, this whole encounter with the inner circle struck you with one thing.

After the war, they had moved on but not you. For them, life kept going but you, you were stuck. And your backyard was proof of that.

You were not going to stand by that anymore, you were going to fix it.

And so the next morning, you told Sabrina to take over the shop for a few hours and made your way to The Library. During the walk, you hyped yourself up with some words of affirmation you read about in a book once, back when the wound of losing your brother was still fresh and there were no healers available to talk about your pain. You indulged in self-help books, not that they made a huge difference but it was something.

You’re strong (sometimes).

You’re capable of doing amazing things (chaotic ones too apparently).

You matter (we’ll see how much to these faes, really).

Unknowingly to you, you failed to notice you were being followed. Tendrils of shadows following your every move as you made your way to the meeting.

Shadows that were reporting back to their master, who was at The Library waiting for your arrival.

Nervous. Nervous.

They whispered to him. And quietly to himself, Azriel chuckled. He figured you would be. If your encounter with him would be an indication of how this meeting will go, he knew one thing for sure: you were going to be terrified, but you weren’t going to back down.

He was impressed. Not a lot of things impressed him anymore, specially after everything he’s been through. Over the years, he has felt that his reputation and his true self blended into one another but not by choice.

He knew his job required it but his personal life? He didn’t want his reputation to dictate that as well. And in his opinion, he had made a good job with it well until the Archeron sisters stumbled into their lives. Now, to be quite frankly with himself, sometimes Azriel felt like he didn’t even know who he was anymore.

Kind? Yes, he was kind with his family, with the people who he walked by on the streets (they fear him, so he tries his best okay).

Serious? Yes, sometimes. There’s always a time and place for it.

Funny? He wasn’t a complete goofball like Cassian but he had a sense of humor.

Compassionate? He takes care and protects his family and his court. He makes sure they have everything they need, so yes, he is very compassionate.

But Rhysand and Cassian had all of those qualities as well, so really, what made him…him? What made Azriel, Azriel?

It drove him mad. How is it that he’s a 500+year old male and he is questioning these things? How did he let himself go so easily? Was it after or before Under The Mountain? After or before Rhys and Cassian met their mates? After he struggled to find his?

Here. Here.

The shadows whispered.

Finally, you made it.

Looking over at Rhys and Feyre who were chatting quietly to each other in the room, he spoke ‘’She’s here.’’

It was Feyre who smiled, a bit nervous but said ‘’I’ll get her’’. Giving her mate a quick kiss, she left the room leaving him with Rhysand and Cassian.

The three males looked at each other. Cassian with a smirk on his face, excited for the meeting. He was looking forward to seeing the female who had pointed a finger at his superiors and told them off without looking back. ‘’Reminds me of Nes’’, he had said.

Rhys had his ‘’I’m a not a mean high lord’’ face or trying to at least. He wanted the meeting to go well, for Feyre and Velaris’ sake. The thought that he wasn’t doing a good job to protect and take care of this city, one of the most important things in his life, his freaking job; had frightened him.

There were very few times in his life where he had felt like that so intensely: after losing his mom and sister, when he got stuck UTM, losing Feyre to Tamlin, almost losing Feyre when she give birth, and now this. Failure scared the shit out of him.

Azriel knew this, he could see it in his eyes and that’s why he was, once again, impressed by you. You managed to do that, even if you didn’t know it.

‘’This way, this is one of the meeting rooms the Library has. We figured it was the most comfortable one.’’ They heard Feyre talking to you.

‘’Right’’. He wondered if you had bowed to her, he would’ve loved to see that.

He stood behind Rhys, Cassian on his other side and waited for the females to walk in. And just when they did, he struggled to keep his amused smile off his face.

You were trying to not look terrified, but they all knew you were. Your widened eyes taking everything in, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your long skirt, hair in a high ponytail just a bit ruffled, like you kept touching it out of habit and yet…you still managed to bring a smile on his face.

So pretty, he thought.

‘’High Lord’’ you quickly made a bow and were going to make another one to Azriel and Cassian when you were stopped.

‘’That’s not necessary. Come, sit. We’re glad to have you here.’’ Rhys said with an encouraging smile.

And so, it began.

It wasn’t what you excepted at all.

You thought there was going to be a big and long desk to create distance between you and them, perhaps big chairs for them to sit at while you had to stay standing at the other end of the room. Instead, this room was pretty…homey? Surrounded by many books, the room had a seating area that consisted of lounge chairs and a pretty looking comfortable sofa. Feyre said it was a meeting room but it just looked like a cozy reading room to you. There was no desk, just a coffee table in the middle.

This is not formal, you thought. This whole setting screamed ‘’We don’t want to scare you, lets just talk’’. And with that thought, you felt a bit (truly just a tiny bit) more relaxed as you took a seat in one of the chairs.

Rhysand and Feyre taking a seat on the sofa, Azriel and Cassian standing behind them (as if you were going to do anything to harm them, laughable really).

You finally looked at him, at Azriel. Your heart beating just a tad quicker when he looked at you back.

Those damn eyes of his, you thought.

‘’We invited you here because want to hear more of what you have to say’’

So, your sister-in-law was right then. But still, just to make sure, you asked:

‘’About?’’

Rhys turned to you then. ‘’About Velaris. You mentioned how we’ve failed to take care of the citizens of the city. Please, enlighten us.’’

Azriel stiffened a little at his tone. He continued to look at you, sending you what he hoped was an encouraging look. Don’t back out, he wanted to say.

You weren’t looking at him anymore though. Although his body language said otherwise, Rhys’ tone let you know just how serious this was to him.

Good.

With a nod, you cleared your throat and took out the list. ‘’Well, I made a list-‘’

Cassian couldn’t help himself and he laughed out loud but quickly recovered when he felt Rhys’ glare.

Meanwhile Feyre, sharing Cassian’s sentiment, smiled and said ‘’Perfect. Tell us everything.’’

You practiced what you were going to say, how you were going to say it, really you did but it all went out the window in that very second. They were all looking at you, waiting.

You tried to recover quickly, to try and forget about the fact of who were these faes, to tell yourself that this was just another yap session with Sabrina. Don’t back down, you can do this, you thought.

‘’This year will be the fifth year since we were attacked by Hybern.’’

Everyone stiffened. You continued:

‘’We never ever expected our city to get attacked, this was always such a safe space and after that it just didn’t feel the same.’’

‘’We fixed that quickly, placed more wards around the city ensuring safety for everyone’’ Rhys quickly defended.

‘’Yes but what about after?’’

Rhysand raised an eyebrow ‘’Compensation was given to those who lost homes and belongings, to rebuild what they lost’’.

‘’But you can’t buy grief.’’

Rhysand stopped his defensive stance and swallowed. Feyre placing a hand on his knee, never taking her eyes off you.

‘’You gave them money to buy to stuff, to fix stuff but what about our pain?’’ Shit, you didn’t want to make it personal.

‘’You expect us to get attacked and then continue like nothing happened. To go on with our days, pretending to be perfect. ‘’

And that was what truly bothered you out of everything, the list be damned. This, this is what made your blood boil like no other.

‘’ Velaris is the city of dreams, a safe haven right? Everyone should be happy, accomplished, grateful because we were safe from Aramantha right?’’

You failed to notice how their breaths faltered at that name, too riled up to notice.

‘’Don’t get me wrong, we are extremely grateful for that, that we didn’t experience that horror. But we experienced others and are we not allowed to cry? To grief?’’

‘’Of course you are!’’ Rhys, once again. This was extremely personal to him.

‘’It doesn’t feel like it! It’s been 5 years and not once has this city mourned what we’ve lost, the people we lost! It was swept under the rug, never to speak of again like it never happened. People feel like they cant talk about it, that we can’t complain about anything because it seems weak, because we’re meant to be the perfect little city that can do no wrong.’’

Cassian lowered his head, this isn’t what he was expecting to hear.

Azriel felt his heart hurt at every word you said, quickly trying to find solutions in his brain that could help with this.

‘’This is what I mean, you want us to continue to be a perfect Velaris but we will never be the same. We are not perfect!’’ Your heart was beating incredibly fast and hard, your face turning red with anger, despair, pain.

So much pain, you could feel it right now. All the emotions you had felt the second you saw your brother’s lifeless body came back to you. Because you had found him, under all the debris that had fallen after the attack where a building had fell on him. So much pain because he was taken away, his body just another number. His ashes given to you in a small urn because they couldn’t even give him a proper burial at a gravesite.

There were no goodbyes, no way to keep his memory alive. Those who knew him, sent you small smiles recognizing the pain your family was going through but that was it, no one had dared to speak about it. But you wanted to, you wanted everyone to remember the amazing male your brother was, that those who didn’t know him, would learn of all the cool things he had done.

But no one was talking about it, about the traumatic experience they all had gone through, and you didn’t understand why until you saw the High Lord shoving (figuratively speaking) money in their faces so they could buy what they needed.

And that’s fine, no one was complaining about that, but it felt like a slap in the face. It felt like a ‘’here, don’t talk about it and be done with it’’.

And you knew, you 100% knew that you weren’t the only one who felt that way.

No one spoke for what seemed like hours.

‘’Velaris needs more healers. Accessible healers that could help us beyond the physical’’.

Clearing her throat and straightening her posture, Feyre finally spoke up. ‘’Yes, I agree. We know who could help us with that.’’

‘’I’m sorry’’.

Your eyes widened once again, you couldn’t believe what had just left the high lord’s mouth.

‘’I’m sorry. I-‘’He stuttered, the freaking high lord stuttered. ‘’I didn’t know this is how you feel, I didn’t realize I was putting this pressure on my people.’’

He swallowed, you couldn’t look away from his stare. His violet eyes seemed darker with the sadness that was in them.

‘’You lost someone and I’m sorry’’

You never ever expected this to happen. You expected skepticism from them yes but an apology? It was years late and for some, might not mean shit but to you, to you it meant something. Even if this apology wouldn’t bring your brother back, it meant something.

Azriel looked at Rhys the second he apologized; he was also surprised at this. He knew how important this was to Rhys, it was important to him as well, if it involves Velaris, it concerns him as well. Therefore, he’s happy this is the approach Rhys is taking, he’s listening, and he knows he’ll do anything to make it right.

And so will he.

‘’Since it will be the fifth year, I reckon there should finally be a Remembrance Day. A day to remember all the lives that were lost in Velaris. We should honor them, grieve and celebrate their memories.’’

Were you hallucinating? Did your heart beat so fast it made you start hearing things or did that really come out of Rhysand’s mouth?

Feyre looked at his mate, a proud smile, soft gaze on her face. She squeezed his knee and looked back at you. ‘’I agree. Will you help us to make it happen?’’

Azriel was one second away from picking you up and taking you to a healer. Your face had gone from red, to stricken white to red once again. He was sure your blood pressure was going through it, your expressions not hiding anything.

‘’Me?’’ you whispered. They wanted to work with you? They wanted you to help them?

Rhysand smiled, his charming ways coming out. ‘’Absolutely, who else?’’

An olive branch. They were trying, they wanted to fix it. They wanted to hear everything you had to say, to go item by item of your list and come up with solutions.

You don’t know how this was going to play out, how it was going to freaking work but you figured that if you’ve gone all the way to speak your heart and mind, you couldn’t back out now.

You were going to do it for Velaris, for your brother.

Azriel knew the minute you made your decision, he could see the determination on your face and he smiled, a true smile. He decided then that he would make sure you had anything you need, whatever thing you wanted, he would for you.

He was going to do it for his court, for his people.

And if it meant he would get to see you more often then, he wasn’t going to pass up that opportunity as well.

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x female!reader #azriel x y/n #azriel fanfic #azriel fanfiction #azriel one shot #azriel fluff #azriel angst #azriel acotar #azriel series #azriel fic

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starlightsuffered · 3 months

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Make Her Finish (Hal)

Info - possessive Hal, horny Hal, discussing waiting till marriage to have sex, high sex drive, Hal being insecure, discussing faking orgasms, Hal not being verbal during sex, knife play, carving initials in skin, cutting away clothing, spitting in mouth, demanding praise, unprotected sex, accusing someone of faking an orgasm, ass slapping, slapping cock on body, injury, licking blood

"It is so good to see you sister," I said smiling.

"Yes, I was gone a long time, but it was well worth it. Edward is the love of my life. You must thank Hal for introducing us," she smiled.

"That's wonderful. I know you were waiting for your wedding night," I said. With how voracious Hal's sex drive was that hadn't been a possibility for us and I was happier for it. My sister had saved herself. "Was it all you dreamed?"

Her expression soured and she looked out the window. The grip on her tea cup tightened.

"He has, he has yet to me make me finish," she said dismally.

"What have you done?" | asked in genuine fascination. Hal never had this issue. I wondered what he would do if I didn't?

"I've been faking," she sighed.

"Faking? How would one even do that?"

"You moan and say you feel good and make your walls contract, it seems to work well," she said sheepishly.

"You need to tell him!" | urged.

"Why?" She asked. "He'll only be upset."

"Or he would try to get better," | offered.

"But, can you get better?"

"Absolutely, I've told Hal everything I like and he's given into my requests. I'm not sure what the monarch would do if he had found l'd faked an orgasm," | chuckled.

Very soon after my last sentence my husband came stalking into the room. I knew the lust filled look in his eyes.

"Do you need me your highness?" | asked immediately.

"Yes!" He said, and dragged me from the room. My sister seemed astonished but Hal was like this. He wasn't used to having his desires ignored. If he wanted something, he went and got it.

Once in his chambers I was thrown against the wall. He was always rough with me and I adored it. He kissed me hard and I gave him the same force. He lifted my skirts and harshly pressed my clit. He swallowed my whimper.

He broke our kiss to get his sword.

"You know, one day you'll empty the crown's treasury with all the dresses of mine you need to replace," ! chuckled. He loved cutting my clothing away instead of dealing with the skirts and lacing.

I could finally breath properly with the corset slit. Sure a little more belly protruded, but Hal often went on and on about my natural form. He was disrobing quickly.

He threw me over his shoulder, landing a smack to my ass. I adored it when he threw me down and was over me in an instant. His eyes were darker than I'd ever seen.

He grabbed my jaw, forcing open my mouth. He spat into my mouth, but kept it open so he could speak his words into it.

"Im going to fuck you, and all the the while you will tell me how good I feel," he said darkly into my mouth. I nodded obediently. He let go and I swallowed his saliva.

"Yes my King," I swore. He sheathed himself inside me after slapping both my thighs with my cock.

"Hal, you're so deep," | whined as he began to rut into me at a nearly unimaginable speed. He plunged in and out of my hurriedly. I heard his little grunt of effort and traced his popping veins. He was really pushing himself.

"You're so good at this. You were made for sex my lord, the length and girth of your cock, the speed you always have, the selflessness of the pleasure you provide," | praised him.

"Oh, fuck, your cock is the only thing that could make the Queen swear," I moaned as I writhed. He pulled out with a wet sound and I whined.

"Hal, what's going on?" I asked. He got his dagger. His eyes looked wild, he was in a different mind frame than me obviously. He was all desperation. He didn't even have the foresight to use the handle, instead he gripped the blade of the dagger, and without pushing too hard, carved his initials into my upper thigh. It only stung a little and his possessiveness made it worth it. He threw the dagger away and plunged back into me.

"Oh yes my king I'm yours, brand me if you like," I said bringing his injured hand to me. I let my tongue flick over the two parallel bloody lines. He let out a whimper at the sight.

'So good to me Hal, how do you outdo yourself every time?" | asked and he began to come, his expression bliss filled. I felt my eyes roll back into my head as his cock hit my g spot over and over. My walls clenched him. I sucked on his bloody hand as I came undone, my walls convulsing uncontrollably.

"That was amazing my King, but I do wish you would have talked more, I love your voice. I must ask though, it seemed like you were trying to prove something. Is there something on your mind?" I asked.

"You told your sister you faked an orgasm with me," he said softly.

"I did not!"

"You said you didn't know what l'd do if I knew," he countered.

"That was hypothetical. I've never NEVER had to fake with you. Every one is incredibly real. Her husband wasn't pleasing her and I was in wonder because you always do it perfectly," I said.

"Oh, sorry about your leg then," he said and bent to kiss the spot he'd cut.

"I don't mind," I smirked. "I like being marked as yours."

"I love you," he moaned.

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babybells123 · 4 months

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I recently posted about Sansa Stark on TikTok particularly concerning themes of beauty, love and romanticism (Jonsa if you SQUINT)!! It’s gotten over 2000 likes so far, and the comments have all been positive, but I just received a comment saying “Aegon VI will save her” and had to resist the urge to scratch my eyes out …

Look, I for one want nothing more than for Sansa to be with a man who loves her undoubtedly (and chooses her over her claim, countering all the previous men who have been betrothed to/married to/attempted to abuse Sansa). But I find it incredibly ironic that this is likely an individual who is aware of the Ashford Tourney (hell, maybe they’re even aware of the really subtle Targaryen imagery in Sansa’a chapters - but only if they’re in conjunction with Aegon VI, certainly not the secret cousin who just so happens to also be a Targaryen)… but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are an alt shift x fan who has watched his brief Ashford Tourney video which barely scratches the surface of the theory (and I too, enjoy Alt’s videos so don’t get me wrong here) but here’s what bothers me - why is the fandom so incredibly intent on ‘proving’ that it is Aegon?

He could be the loveliest, kindest man alive and I still wouldn’t budge on my stance of this marriage doing absolutely nothing to progress Sansa’s narrative arc organically.

How does it challenge her belief of conventionality? Particularly concerning southern ideals of beauty? What is the whole point of Sansa retracting from her current journey, travelling South yet again to marry a man whom she’s never met before? We’ve already been made privy to how wary Sansa is of Harry the Heir, for he could be a “comely monster,” she knows that beauty is deceptive - so already she’d be experiencing those similar feelings of despair … What purpose would it serve to send Sansa back to King’s Landing? A place where she was abused and married against her will? The place where her father was murdered in front of her eyes? The place where she was hostage with no true friends and no family to trust or rely on? Walking on eggshells every day of her life? These are all negative associations. Anyone with eyes and a brain can see that Sansa’a arc is pointing North.

This is the same girl who spends hours building a scale model of her home, Winterfell - in the snow. This is the same girl who refers to herself as the blood of Winterfell, the daughter of Lord Eddard and Lady Catelyn - who derives strength from that in the face of her abuser. This is the same girl who at the age of 11, manages to dissociate when faced with the head of her father on a spike, looking North and North until she can see Winterfell in her mind’s eye, whose direwolf - part of her soul, is buried in the North ; who to quote Ned “belongs in the North.” This is the same girl who has been passed around like a vessel of politics since her very first betrothal. Who has been viewed as nothing more than a claim to a vast Kingdom, who is not allowed to exercise that claim in her own right. Who has been denied her inheritance on the basis of her marriage to Tyrion - not just by Stannis , but also by the brother she has loved and idolised (and isn’t that just heartbreaking for Sansa?) - need I remind you of the one single person in this entire series who has not overhauled Sansa’s claim ? Despite it being the one thing he’s ever truly wanted? His hearts most intrinsic desire??

“By right Winterfell should go to my sister Sansa." (Jon I ADWD)

“Jon said, "Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa." (Jon IV ADWD).

I mean, those two phrases in conjunction with;

“It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. No one will ever marry me for love.” (Sansa VI ASOS) - which as we know, is followed by a Jon chapter just a page later.

Jon has already unknowingly refuted half of Sansa’s despairing words, as well as silently fulfilling those knightly ideals she believes no longer exist.

So yeah, it annoys me beyond belief when people “theorise” that Sansa will marry Aegon VI/Young Griff. Because it removes her agency yet again, it pushes her further away from her identity and her home that she has slowly but surely been reclaiming - she goes five steps backwards, and regardless of whether you like her character or not, from a writing perspective and how character arcs are meant to unfold - it really doesn’t make sense for her to go back to the place where she has been tormented for most of the series - but then, who am I kidding - these are the same people who don’t believe sansa is an important character and that her arc will either remain stagnant or she’ll just be pushed out of the way whilst other characters are allowed narratively conclusive endings.

But even with all this, even with Valarr Targaryen being a non-Targaryen looking prince with brown hair described as a black prince with a white guardian (gee, I wonder whose image THAT invokes), even with GRRM sitting down and writing a family tree where a Jonnel ‘One Eye’ Stark marries a half niece called Sansa Stark to solve a succession crisis. Quite literally spelling it out on paper for people this fandom just cannot come to any logical conclusions that would make sense narratively, thematically, politically and on a character level. It truly blows my mind.

*sigh.* I’m very tired.

Anyway, to quote GRRM; resolve to be Sansa Stark and take the North. ✌️

#sansa stark #meta #my patience wearing thin #someone sedate me #Jonsa #Jon x Sansa #the black prince with the white guardian

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vadersassistant · 1 year

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Irresistibly Yours One Shot (Darth Vader x Reader)

Summary: (Y/N) has been hiding across the galaxy for a year, attempting to flee her husband alongside Obi-Wan Kenobi, but now it is over. When the Sith finally tracks her down she must make a choice, continue to live a lie or leave with the man she loves. Takes place during Kenobi with altered events. Reader is previously a Jedi married to Anakin Skywalker.

Warnings: Make out session, mentions of sex, slight violence (not towards reader)

A/N: The poll I made landed in a 50/50 between suited Vader and nightfall Vader so I'm giving you the best of both worlds. In which, Vader wears the suit and mask, but he can take it off and looks like the Anakin we know and love.

“You have to go,” I demanded, turning away from the door in horror.

“(Y/N),” Kenobi pleaded.

“He wants me Obi-Wan, we don’t have a choice,” I reasoned. “You know he will continue to harm those people until I come out from hiding.”

“He’s going to try and take you.”

“And I’ll try and throw him off my trail, at least one of us needs to escape.”

“I understand,” he said, after a moment of silence. “Goodbye, (Y/N).”

“May the force me with you Obi-Wan,” I nodded to him, saying the old phrase intentionally.

“You as well.”

I watched him enter the secret tunnels in the back of the workshop before it slid shut, and audibly sighed. I knew it was hopeless, it wasn’t possible to ever escape him. I couldn’t, not with how well he knew me. A part of me didn’t even agree with Kenobi, as he still believed in the Jedi and being heroes. I had changed, and their morals didn’t resonate with me any longer, not since the fall.

My body shook, as I ran as hard as I could once opening the door. It was loud on purpose, everyone standing in the little street seeing me and yelping in surprise. I saw the inquisitorious point in my direction, calling out my action for their lord. I could feel it, even though I couldn’t see his face beneath the mask. I could feel that he was looking at me, the two of us making eye contact for the first time in a year. He was massive, even taller than before and stronger than ever, right on my tail as I fled. I was quick, my legs carrying me into the maze of shipping crates and dirt from afar. I should have been quieter, but I knew that wouldn’t do much. He could track me in other ways, like the force.

His cold presence clung to my shoulders as I ran between the mounts that acted like walls. I needed to throw him off, but I knew it was impossible. He was too intelligent, too quick. His steps were twice as much as my own, the force connection that bound us inseverable. My heartbeat picked up, so much so I could hear it as if it were right in my ear. My hands were trembling lightly from the thrill of fleeing.

“There is no escape,” his modulated voice said, but I couldn’t tell where it came from.

“I’ll never join you,” I whispered.

The Sith was nowhere to been seen. I backed up, returning to my original pace and attempting to find him again in the pitch black, even though his suit was the same color. He hadn’t ignited his saber yet, although it didn’t make much of a difference, since I hadn’t ignited mine in months. In truth, I hadn’t touched a thing related to the Jedi in a year. All of it, including the force, I severed myself from, up until he started hunting me down.

He invaded my dreams, doing everything in his power to get to me. When he came, it wasn’t painful, it felt amazing, too good; feelings I only experienced in his presence. He tried to pleasure me, sooth me and coax me into joining him, promising to save me from Kenobi. He abused our connection from our time as Jedi’s, seeping into my conscious and speaking to my thoughts, ghosting my body with his invisible touch. Every time I thought of him, I thought of the past. I told myself I didn’t love him, but we both knew it was a lie.

“Really?”

I knocked into something hard, strong hands coming around my upper arms. They kept me in place with ease, essentially locking me in my tracks. I looked up and swallowed, knowing I was done for.

“Vader,” my breath was short. I wouldn't call him Anakin.

“My dear,” he said.

“I am not your dear,” I tried to back up, but it was no use. My chest tightened, feeling his thumb rub my skin comfortingly.

“Yet you are weakening in my hold,” he spoke sweetly, opposite of his reputation. If anyone else rejected him, they would be dead, neck snapped, I knew that.

“You’re a liar,” I said unfearingly.

“You are the only one lying here, (Y/N),” Vader replied. “Don’t deny me any further.”

His voice lit a fire across my entire body, smooth yet so deep I could have lost it right then and there. It took everything to keep my composure, a fake stubbornness still trying to hold up across my face. I wanted so badly to do a million different things. A part of me thought to leave, to escape and flee once again. But another part of me wanted to follow him, leave Kenobi behind, and go into the depths of hell.

“I will never join you, Sith,” I used his new title as an insult. “Now let go of me.”

“Your thoughts betray you, my love,” Vader said. "I feel your conflict."

“I hate you.”

“Hate is not an attribute of a Jedi, or you,” he entertained. “You are too caring to hate.”

He was right, always right, and knew me far too well. I sighed aloud, as he still held me and I could just feel the victorious expression through his mask.

“I married Anakin Skywalker, not you.”

“Anakin Skywalker still remains, but only for your pleasure,” he rebutted. “I am here, waiting for you, my dear. You and I can overthrow the emperor, become the galaxies newest destined rulers. Leave Kenobi and set yourself free, do what we both know you long to. We are mean't to be together.”

I looked into his helm, hoping that I might see his eyes through the blacked-out visors. My lips parted just slightly, breathing hitched as my hands rested on the Sith’s chest. You could see it, Vader's muscles breaching the clothes he wore. The armor fitted his broad shoulders perfectly, hands so skilled and trusted. My head dipped, succumbing to what I truly thought.

“I’m supposed to kill you, to try and run away.”

“I know,” he leaned forward, his mask hovering over my head.

“I told myself I wasn’t going to do this,” I my hands turned into fists, pounding on his chest in frustration.

“But you don’t agree with Kenobi,” he finished.

“I don't."

“So, join me, my dear,” Vader coaxed, placing a leather glove on my jaw to tilt my head upward.

I breathed deeply, my pupils slowly dilating while taking him in.

“Take the mask off."

Surprisingly, the Sith didn’t argue. He let go of me and slipped his thumb around the rim of the helm, like he needed to turn something off. A hissing sound followed, confirming my suspicions, and he lifted it above his head carefully, dropping it onto the ground. I watched it fall, clinking on the ground as if he didn’t care for it. My eyes slowly trailed back up, seeing his true appearance in what felt like forever.

His hair was the same length, wavy and brown, yet in the face he had grown so much. His jawline was even more developed, the scar still remaining on the right brow. The most prominent feature was his eyes, gold with red rimming the irises. His gaze was more alluring than before, a look I easily got flustered from. He grinned at me checking him out and let out a sexy and low laugh.

“Still have the same effect, don’t I?” Vader asked, his actual voice being used.

“Even better,” the words formed before I could think.

His robotic arm curled around the back of my head, the two of us enclosed on the space between. I slid my arms between his neck, kissing him deeply without hesitation. It felt like a war between hell and heaven, holding my breath for as long as possible while taking the Sith in. The further we went, the worse it got, to where I wrapped my legs around his lower waist and he held onto my ass. We would take short breaths touching each other as much as possible during it, enjoying as much as we could, the both of us starved from one another.

It was no surprise Vader got the upper hand, trailing his lips over to my cheek and down to my neck. He carried me over to a tower of crates, one sitting alone in front of the stack, sitting me down on it gently. I leaned back as if it was a wall, and sounds slipped from my mouth naturally. They were rare to come by, not having heard them in months, my husband well aware. I felt Vader smile as he got onto the crate as well and trailed his hand up my thigh to my top. He was straddling me, making me feel like I was weak, and it was to die for.

More whimpers left my lips, and I knew what he wanted. The Sith fiddled with the zipper of my jacket, remaining eye contact with me while doing so. I could feel his hot breath against my skin, forcing me to shudder as he started to take my clothing off. I wanted him so badly, feeling his cod piece harden against my thigh, but we both sensed something nearby. The two of us froze, silent as his cloak shielded me from anyone’s line of sight.

“Obi-wan is near,” I whispered.

“He has come back to try to take you away from me,” Vader said, his hands now placed on both sides so that I was caged in. It was protective, the look in his eyes possessive.

“We must go, you have to have a ship nearby,” I told him.

“I do, follow me,” he nodded.

I slid off the crate, slightly upset we had been interrupted, but there wasn’t time to think about it. Obi-wan would never forgive me if he saw this, and I preferred that I remained on good terms with him. Vader called for his helmet with the force, it quickly suctioning to his hand and then being placed on his head. I kept up with him, weaving through the maze of construction until we got closer to the town. It seemed that most of the Imperial forces had been ordered to leave, Vader having called them off unsurprisingly.

The people that once lingered around were all inside, sleeping away in fear from what happened. Behind all of the buildings was a ship, the shadow of it coming into view from around the corner. It was the infamous Tie-Fighter the Sith always flew in, extremely well developed and luxurious. He lifted up the hatch with a wave of two fingers, offering a hand politely to help me up onto the top. It was only when he got in first and sat down that I realized where this was going.

The ship was small, meant to be a one seater and easy to maneuver. Vader took off his helmet once more before shooting me a suggestive look and patting the inside of his leg. It created little space for me to sit in his lap, but I didn't think much of it, all I knew was that what had stopped before was about to resume.

LMK what you all thought about this. I honestly can't decide which Vader I like more so this was very fun to write

#darth vader x you #darth vader x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #darth vader imagine #anakin skywalker imagine #darth vader x y/n

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artists-ally · 2 months

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{Train Wreck} Cassian!sister x Azriel AU {Pt. 1}

Man it feels good to be back with this series again. If you're wondering why the title feels familiar, you might have read this before. I decided I wanted to pick it back up again, but I needed to make a few changes. So, here is the revised version of Train Wreck!! Feel free to re-read, there are some new things here and there, so it's definitely worth it!! Anyway, enjoy my loves! Part 2 will be up soon!! Title and series inspired by this song!

Word Count: 8,587

Warnings: angst, language, traumatized characters (will come into play later in the series, you've been warned now), abandonment,

Tagging: @thelov3lybookworm @needylilgal022 @librafairy @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @sarawritestories @claireswritingcorner @dawneternal @ninthcircleofprythian @blessthepizzaman @lady-of-tearshed @pit-and-the-pen

Summary: After six years, this is the first time Ira and her brother Cassian have been in the same room. Under less than ideal circumstances, they're forced to meet again. Will Ira be able to forgive Cassian for the way he left things? Will she be able to trust the new friends she makes? Will she ever be able to open up to her brothers hot-shot best friend?

~~~~~

“He’s going to say no.” No response from the peanut gallery in the front seat. “Seriously, he’s not going to be okay with this. You might as well let me out of the car now.”

“Will you just be quiet?” Arthur snapped, eyes locking with mine from the rearview mirror. “Need I remind you that this is your fault. You’ve left us with no other option.”

“I told you, it wasn’t me. That was–” “Cal, I remember the story. And that’s all that it is. A story, a fabrication that Arthur and I are no longer going to be entangled in. You may be able to fool the police with that lie, but you can’t fool us, Ira,” Dana snapped, whirling around to shoot me some daggers. She couldn’t look intimidating if she tried; her face was like a bunny, and every time she frowned it just looked like she smelled something rotten.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. There was no way he was going to take me. We hadn’t spoken in almost six years, I didn’t even know he was alive until three months ago when I heard about his engagement.

Fourteen years of growing up together meant nothing to him, I guess.

The big, riverside house came into view at the end of an equally impressive driveway. A shame for whoever had to go and collect the mail every morning.

“Stay here, in the car,” Arthur barked.

I opened the door and got out of the car, kicking a few stones. Man this place was flashy; a big fountain in the circular driveway, a line of cars over by a garage. Not to mention the very obvious multi-million dollar mansion that never seemed to end.

“Lord, give me the strength to not strangle this child,” Arthur sighed, marching to the front door. I snickered, he was always so uptight.

“Not a child, Arthur,” I countered. “I’m fucking twenty years old.”

“Give it a rest, Ira. We’re trying to help you since you clearly don’t understand the basic human morals of being a functioning member of society,” Dana said, opening the trunk, catching a bag as it tumbled from the stack.

“Sorry that I don’t like to conform to the idealistic fantasy that is modern society.”

Turns out it’s hard to get a job with a criminal record. ‘We can’t hire a liability’ this and ‘we won’t have delinquents running our business’ that. So, I had to get creative with my… places of employment. It had been a fantastic plan. Brilliant even. Just something simple to save a few bucks so I could move out of this god forsaken place. But it got fucked up. Bad. And ended up with me in handcuffs.

This was my punishment. Instead of serving six months in county jail, I’m instead being dumped at this doorstep. Just what I always wanted. Knowing if I ever go back to the shithole I called home I’ll be arrested with a warrant.

I’ll never go in on a deal with someone ever again.

“Get your stuff,” Dana dropped a few things to the ground.

I came around the side of the car and heard the door open, and that lovely voice of his ring through my head.

Great. This is going to go fantastic.

“Arthur? W-What are you doing here?” he said, a hiccup to his voice.

“Cassian, good to see you,” the old man grinned, extending his hand. I watched through the windows of the van, saw Cassian stare at Arthurs hand and do nothing with it. “We uhh… we have something for you.”

“I don’t understand. How’d you find me?”

I could hear the crunch of gravel and I knew what was about to happen. Any second now I was about to come face to face with the douchebag I was dreading. I won’t lie, some small, juvenile part of me wished for him to be happy to see me. But I know it’s not gonna happen.

“Dana? What the fuck is going on? Why are you here? How did you-”

“She’s not the surprise, Cass,” Arthur clapped him on the shoulder and walked to the back of the car. I didn’t miss the way he shuddered.

There was a sharp yank on my elbow and I was pulled from the safety of my hiding spot. I jerked away from his grip, fixing the sleeve on my favorite jacket. Then I looked up. Fuck he’s…

“Ira…” He blinked several times, as if he could ever mistake me for someone else. Then I watched the color drain from his face. “It’s uhh… it’s been a while.” “Don’t give me that shit,” I couldn’t be bothered to be pleasant. Nothing about this would be fucking pleasant.

Cassian looked from Arthur to Dana, then back to me. And to the duffle bag that I was holding on to. I could see him connecting the dots inside his thick-ass skull. “No. No no no–”

“Cassian, she needs someone to look after her,” Dana expressed, chasing after him when he turned around.

“You cannot just plop her on my doorstep like some stray dog,” Cass shouted, throwing his arms in the air and all around.

“She’s your sister, for fucks sake,” Arthur joined. “She needs you to look after her. Since you left, Ira has done nothing but cause me headaches and gray hairs.”

“I’m right here, you know,” I walked over, throwing the bag down. “And I’d appreciate if you talked about me like a fucking human being, not some gag gift that is always shuffled around Christmas because no one wants it.”

“This is fucking ridiculus. I cannot take you in, Ira. I have too much going on.”

“Some things never change,” I huffed. “See, I told you he wouldn’t give me the time of day. You’re still the same selfish, self-centered asshole you’ve always been.”

“Don’t talk like that to your goddamn brother,” Arthor yelled, spit flying onto my cheek. It took every ounce of self restraint to not rip his fucking throat out. Do not stoop to his level, Ira. Calm the fuck down.

“Cass? What’s going on?” Someone called

Cassian scrunched his face, and my eyes went to the door. A pretty woman was standing there with her arms folded. She had a scowl on her face and narrow eyes. Her long brown hair was braided over her shoulder.

He heaved a sigh, rubbing his eyes. “Nothing, these people were just leaving.”

“Who’s here?” Another voice, a man, asked next. He was tall, had black hair and really deep blue eyes. They actually looked violet in the light. He was just as tall as Cassian when he came next to his side. The woman, with the most terrifying gaze I’ve ever seen, stood on his other side.

Cassian muttered something under his breath and rubbed his forehead. “This is Arthur and Dana. My foster parents from years ago. And this… this is my sister.”

“Your sister?” Both of them exclaimed at the same time.

He didn’t even tell them about me…

I stand there, shocked to my core. God I knew he was an asshole, but he never once mentioned me? What a fucking–

“They were just–” “Come in come in,” the man stepped down and shook Arthur's hand. “I am Rhysand, call me Rhys. Welcome, we are so pleased to have you. Cassian never mentioned having visitors today.”

“It wasn’t planned,” Dana let out the fakest laugh I’ve ever heard. She was one of those people who, when nervous, laughed after every sentence. I’ve come to despise the sound.

“No, Rhys,” Cassian shook his head. “They are not welcome. Take your fucking shit, take your goddamn bags, and go. You’re not allowed back here.”

At least that’s something we could both agree on. Neither side of this party wanted to be here. The feeling was mutual.

“Welp, you heard the man,” I clapped my hands together. “Sorry to disrupt your whole life, to remind you that I still exist but we’ll go now. We all know that you don’t want the responsibility anyway. You didn’t want it six years ago, so why would that change today?”

“You know goddamn well that if I had a choice I would’ve–”

“Okay, okay can we cool it a couple degrees here? Someone better start explaining what is going on,” the man, Rhys, said. He put an arm between Cassian and I. I wasn’t sure when I got in his face, but he might want to remove the barrier before it gets ripped off.

There were a couple too many silent heart beats, but both of us backed down. Cassian glanced at Arthur and Dana, taking a deep breath. I watched his chest rise and fall.

In for four, out for four. In for five, out for five…

A lump rose in my throat.

I could practically hear the conversation between Cassian and Rhys. This silent exchange of glances and body language I’m sure I’d never understand. But then Cassian backed down. Literally, he took a step back, hands on his hips.

“Would you guys like to stay for dinner?” Rhys asked Arthur and Dana.

Dinner? Dinner? Oh fuuuuck no. The four of us haven’t been in a room together for six years, and this crackhead just asked if we wanted to have dinner?

“We would be delighted,” Dana accepted, shooting me a look from head to toe. “Since it’s still midday, would you mind showing us around the property? It looks gorgeous.”

“Certainly,” Rhys says, offering his elbow. Dana latches on like a lost duckling, Arthur trailing after her.

And then there were two.

I looked up at the clouds, finding no discernible shapes amongst them. Welp. Here fucking goes nothing.

“Lovely weather we’re having.”

“Do not,” he pointed at me. “You are not staying here, whenever this little tour is over, you’re gone with them.”

“Gladly.”

“How the fuck did you guys find me anyway?” His eyes were full of rage. Full of hate. Full of resentment.

“It's amazing the things you can find with twenty bucks and a library computer.”

“You hacked into a library system and stalked me?” Cassian was dumbfounded.

I just smirked. “It wasn’t that hard, don’t give yourself too much credit. Kinda hard to hide somewhere when your face is plastered all over your website. ‘Velaris Hotel and Casino’ has a catchy ring to it, come up with it yourself?”

“I swear to god if I ever see you set foot in my hotel or my casino you’re gonna regret it. I cannot believe you hunted me down.”

“And I cannot believe you abandoned me,” I screamed. Years and years of pent up aggression. Years and years of shower thoughts and late nights wondering what I’d say to him when this moment came. And every single thing I’ve thought of has flown out the fucking window.

Cassian had the gull to roll his eyes. I almost smacked him across the face.

“Yo, are you coming inside or what?” A third voice sounded. God, how many people live in this fucking house?

A petite, blonde girl was in the doorway, her eyes bouncing between us.

“Well? You gonna invite me in or is that privilege only reserved for Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dumb?” I asked, rocking back and forth on my heels.

He looked me head to toe, and I got that same feeling as when Dana did it. Just raw disgust.

“Break anything and I’ll murder you.”

“I’m thinking you’re gonna murder me regardless but eye-eye-captain,” I nodded, following behind his solid frame.

The house was absolutely massive. I thought shit like this only existed in movies, not… wherever the fuck we were. Certainly not my normal run-down streets I was used to, and certainly not somewhere I ever thought Cassian was going to end up.

There were cabinets filled with fine dishes and a chandelier hanging in the front entrance. There was a massive living room with the biggest TV and couch I’ve ever seen. Same with the kitchen and the dining room, which was being prepped by maids. Legit, actual maids. For fucks sake could this get any stranger?

Cassian took a left and went up a set of stairs. Classic Cass, running away at any chance he gets. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

Cal: your a piece of shit I hope you know that

Me: You’re* but it’s fine.

Cal: i cannot believe you fucking left me

Me: Whoops. Sorry bud, I couldn’t stick around. You dicked me over so… guess that karma’s a bitch.

Cal: you know im bad with names

Me: WE USED EACH OTHERS MOTHER FUCKER. HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FORGET MY NAME

Cal: hopefully pretty fucking easy because i don’t ever want to fucking see you ever again fuck you ira

Me: Right back atcha, asshole.

The only person that I had remotely trusted was out of my life. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure I’ve ever had someone to trust. There were plenty of things I never told Cal. Plenty of things I kept hidden for my own safety. It was a strictly need-to-know partnership. I always got a little weary when he started asking too many questions.

And I learned pretty fucking quick you can’t trust your own blood either.

Lesson learned. Always. Trust. Your. Gut.

I trailed behind Dana and Arthur, always five steps behind, close enough to hear, but far enough to make an escape should I need to.

“Oh, and this is my wife Feyre. My darling, this is Arthur, Dana, and Ira, Cassian’s foster parents and his sister,” Rhys spared me a glance and I scrunched my face. Had Cassian really never bothered to tell them about me?

“Wow,” she had a small smile on her pretty face. Why was everyone here so pretty? “You look just like him. You both have the same eyes. And the same hair.”

“Great, what I’ve always wanted to be. Cassian's clone.” I couldn’t stop the eye roll.

“Ira,” Dana hissed. “Some manners?”

“Thank you, your Royal Highness.”

Dana smacked her forehead, mumbling something about gray hairs and a headache again. I chuckled. I thought it was funny. Especially the curtsy.

“They are staying for dinner, I’ll let them know to set a few extra plates,” Rhys said.

“Good, I wouldn’t mind getting to know some of Cassian’s family,” Feyre nodded, that small smile still on her lips. We had all meandered outside to look at their yard, at the fountain in the front of the house.

To no one's surprise, there was a matching one in the back by the pool.

We all went inside after seeing the yard, but Cassian lingered at the back of the pack. While Rhys took Dana and Arthur around to the kitchen, Cassian yanked me–why was everyone throwing me around?–into a room off to the side.

“What the fuck did you do this time?” Off to a great start.

“Wow, Cassie-”

“Do not call me that.”

He used to hate it when I called him Cassie. Especially around his friends because they would make fun of him for days after.

“No hi, how are you? No ‘it's good to see that my sister is alive and doing well?’” “Clearly not well enough since they dragged you all the way out here.” Cassian’s eyes were full of fire. Looks like he still had that canyon of a line between his bushy-ass-eyebrows when he was upset.

“You don’t know anything of what I’ve had to endure the last six fucking years without you.”

“What. Did. You. Do?”

I swallowed, I hated when he scolded me. “It wasn’t even that bad. They just gave me community service.” I lied out of my ass.

“Jesus Christ, Ira. What did they want to give you?” Cassian shouted for the whole house to hear.

“Doesn’t matter, I got myself out of it. Like I always do, without your fucking help. I am capable of taking care of myself without you.”

“Yeah you seem to be doing a swell job,” Cassian looked me up and down, clearly judging my tangled hair and ripped up jeans that I’ve probably had since middle school. “I thought all of this was behind you, Ira. When I left you were-”

“Abandoned. You didn’t leave, you abandoned me.”

Cassian relaxed his shoulders. “You know if I could’ve taken you with me I would’ve.”

“No you wouldn’t have.” I was waiting for him to argue, to deny that fact. But he didn’t, and his haunting silence was enough of an answer. I scoffed, a hard, bitter noise. “You know I don’t blame you, no one would want to take a juvenile delinquent anywhere, especially somewhere like this place.”

“Ira-” “Save you’re fucking breath, Cass. You don’t have to pretend around me, you’ve never had to. Just play along with it for one night and I’ll be gone by the morning. Then I won’t have to be your liability to shoulder ever again.”

I didn’t wait around to see his response. Somewhere deep inside I was actually excited to see him. To meet the person my scrawny, gangly brother had turned into. Now he was… a man. Like a real man. I never thought I’d see him with long hair, but here we are.

He looked healthy. He looked happy. For fucks sake he was engaged. Albeit to the most terrifying looking woman I’ve ever seen, but they looked like they somehow worked.

I found Dana and Arthur with glasses of wine around a large table, two other women that I hadn’t met yet.

“Ahh, this is her,” Rhys stood up, putting his hands on my shoulders. I immediately shrugged them off. “This is Ira, Cassian’s sister.”

“After all this time,” the pretty blonde woman spoke, looking at me from head to toe. “Who knew Cassian could keep you a secret.”

“You look just like him,” a girl who looked similarly to Feyre said, eyes wide. “I’m Elain. And that’s Morrigan.”

“Mor is fine, dear,” Mor smiled, coming over to me and Rhys. “Would you like to see the rest of the house?”

“Not really,” I grimace, but she linked her elbow with mine anyway, dragging me away. “I know that look. You’re overwhelmed. Follow me.”

I thought I was doing a good job at masking it. “You don’t know the fucking half of it.”

“I know Elain said this already, but fuck you look like Cassian,” she laughed, opening a room and revealing a giant bed with a balcony on the other side of some french doors.

“It gets really fucking annoying,” I rolled my eyes.

“Understood,” she nodded, not pushing it. “This is my room, you can go out on the balcony if you need some fresh air. Or the bathroom, whatever you want.”

This entire room was as big as the trailer I grew up in. I’ve never seen such a big bed, or a big closet. Jesus, she could have the entirety of Macy’s in there.

She must’ve caught me staring at it cause she walked over and flipped on the light. “Wanna take a look?”

I snapped back to her, shaking my head. I shoved my hands in my pockets, digging my nails into my palms. Everything in here was so pristine, and I was so… not. I didn’t wanna step anywhere but the hardwood floor.

“I like your jacket, those are some really cool patches,” she smiled, taking a closer look. She reached out and touched one, the blue plaid square fraying at the edges.

It was a cut out of Cassian’s flannel he left behind…

“Thanks,” I nodded, ignoring the lump in my throat. “I’ve spent a lot of time making them.”

“That's so cool, I have zero creative ability,” Mor sighed as she flopped back on the bed.

“Neither do I, just something to pass the time, I guess?” I took my hands out of my pockets, digging some grime out from under my nails.

I could feel her eyes on me. That tension. Knowing she’s about to say something.

“Look, I know it’s not my place to ask, but–”

“Then don’t ask. Cause I’m not saying shit,” I said bluntly. “Sorry if that's rude but I don’t know you and you clearly don’t know me so… I don’t need the whole ‘I know what you’re going through’ speech. You don’t. No one does. Not even myself.”

Mor nodded, sitting up, propping her arms behind her back. “I’m a little pissed at Cassian too.”

My eyes snapped to hers. “Why?”

“Because he has never once mentioned you? I know some of where he came from, of bouncing around the foster system, about ‘siblings’ but… he never went into detail. I just assumed they were all other kids in the system, you know? If he would’ve mentioned something about you, trust me, we would have not waited this long to be introduced.”

That… makes me feel slightly better.

“There's not much to know about me. I’m a fucking nuisance to basically everyone. Especially to Cassian, Arthur, and Dana apparently.”

“What the fuck is their problem?” Mor scoffs, folding her arms over her chest.

“I don’t know. Well– of course I know, it’s me. I’m their fucking problem and they’re trying to get rid of me. I made a dumb fucking decision, but I already did my fucking time. I don’t want anything to do with Cassian so I’m not sure why they’re dragging him into this mess.”

Mor just looked at me sorrowfully. Fuck, why did I say that? I don’t want her pity. I can’t pretend she cares about me.

She got off the bed and stood in front of me. She was shorter than I was, but not by a whole lot.

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. I know it’s fucking awful what they’re making you do, so I don’t blame you for wanting to hide. Help yourself to anything you need.”

And then she was gone. Blonde hair bobbing with her steps.

This isn’t fucking happening. I’m not in some strange girls room, alone nonetheless, in a different city hundreds of miles away from my familiar streets. I was not about to be abandoned here by Arthur and Dana because they couldn’t stand to take care of me anymore. Not the first, not the second, but the third time I’ve been abandoned.

Man this is some fucking bullshit.

I just looked around, envying all of this. It was all hers. All this space, all these things. All these clothes and dresses and jewelry boxes… Why can’t I have these things?

I swallow my tears. I’m so fucking pathetic, why am I about to cry? This is so stupid. Everything about this is stupid.

I head to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face.

A plan flickers to life in my brain. I know for a fact they’re going to sneak out and leave me and all my shit here. But, I’ll just leave in the middle of the night. Who the fuck is gonna stop me? No one. Who cares if I leave? Also no one.

I won’t make the same mistake that Cassian did. When I disappear, no one will be able to find me.

I took a long look at myself in the mirror. My tired eyes, my tangled, ratty hair. But I could see it… the resemblance between him and I. The same eyes. Same nose. Same hair. I’ll never be able to unsee it now.

Okay, Ira. just a few more hours and you're done. Done for good. You can change your name and move to Puerto Rico or something. Paris. Wherever you want to go. Well, you don’t know how to speak Spanish or French, which might be important but… that's why they have translating apps, right? You’ll be fine. You always are.

When I got back downstairs, there was a light chatter in the air. But it stopped the second I walked in the room.

My hood was quick to go over my head. No one spoke as I sat down and poured some water from the pitcher into my glass.

Thankfully conversation between Rhys, Feyre, and Dana resumed and the silence wasn’t eating me alive. I took out my phone and scrolled through instagram, posting a picture of a lake I had taken on the drive up here. Just like all the other posts, it wouldn’t get any likes.

“How do all of you know each other?” Arthur asked.

“Well I met Cassian when we were in high school, as well as our other friend Azriel,” Rhys started. “We made a deal with each other that when we graduate, we would do everything in our power to become the most powerful business owners we could. As you can see, that little pact is working quite well.” “How long have you lived here?” Dana asked next, clearly eyeing up Rhys.

“For about three years now?” Mor answered, Rhys nodded. “We kind of all found each other on the same paths and stuck together. We sort of own and share everything around here.”

“That is lovely,” Dana smiled. “And what do you do?”

“I own a casino and a neighboring hotel,” Rhys smiled. The moment I had learned about this hotel and casino, alarm bells rang in my ears. The devil's playground, and it was calling my name. Maybe I’d hit up for a few poker hands. “Cassian runs the whole thing, and Azriel kind of has his own thing.”

“Who’s Azriel?” Arthur unfolded the napkin and laid it across his lap.

“He is our other friend,” Cassian butted in, lips pressed in that line that I remembered. “He’ll be by later.”

“Great,” I rolled my eyes. “More people.”

“Will you please be polite for once in your life?” Dana whisper-yelled, clearly not being discrete enough since everyone looked at us.

I just shut my mouth, grinding my teeth. It’s not worth it, it's not worth it, I told myself. A few moments later, a large tray with some type of bird on it came out. It was too big to be a chicken, but too small to be a turkey? Duck maybe? I don’t know, it didn’t matter. It was food.

Everyone around me took their time while I ate like a heathen. Putting a little bit of everything on my plate and scarfing it down like someone was going to take it away from me. Guess I’m taking on the stray dog title pretty well.

“So, Ira. What do you like to do?” Mor asked me.

I don't know what part of my hood being pulled over my head gave off ‘I want to be a part of this conversation’, but here we go I guess.

“I have many hobbies.” I could see Cassian’s eyes narrow from across the table.

“Like?” Rhys stuck a green bean in his mouth.

“Uhh, f-fashion. And I’m very good at handling money. Other people's money. As well as picking locks and hotwiring cars-”

“She’s joking,” Cassian gave the fakest laugh– besides Dana’s– that I’ve ever heard. “We used to play cops and robbers when we were little, she always wanted to be the robber.”

“Did I?”

“Yes,” he practically growled. “You did.”

This was crazy. This was actually crazy to be doing this right now. If I had any particular feeling about the things I did, guilty and ashamed were not some of them. Who gave a fuck if I stole from Walmart or faked being a waitress to make a few extra bucks? If anything they should be thanking me for the extra set of hands. Which they didn’t have to pay for.

It wasn’t like I stole the Mona Lisa for fucks sake.

“I guess I did.”

“What was Cassian like growing up? I can only imagine some of the stories you have,” Nesta chimed in from next to Cassian.

“I have a few. One time, Cassian was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-”

“Do not-”

“And he thought that the peanut butter was in the fridge for some reason. Turns out he grabbed a bottle of dijon mustard and used that instead. He took one bite and threw up everywhere. It took Dana a week to get the smell out of the kitchen.”

Everyone grimaced, poking fun at Cassian for making a jelly-mustard sandwich. “I guess that explains the nausea every time I make one.”

“You still can’t stomach even the smell?” My eyes were a little wide. That had to have been from when we were still in elementary school.

“Nope,” Cassian’s tone was harsh, fork forceful as it went into his mouth.

“What is everyone laughing about?” A new voice said from over my shoulder. When I turned to look… holy mother of Jesus fucking–

“Azriel,” Rhys, still in a fit of laughter. “Listen to this: Ira, Cassian’s sister, told us why he runs for the hills every time he sees peanut butter.”

“S-Sister?”

I could not have ignored the exchange between Cass and Azriel if I tried. Those alarm bells from earlier? They were deafening now. Much like Cassian and Rhys earlier, their eyes and body gestures were like a language in and of itself. Impossible to understand, but something was said.

“Azriel, this is my sister. Ira,” Cassian gestured to me without looking. “This is Azriel. And my foster parents, Arthur and Dana.”

I held Azriel’s gaze for a second. I couldn’t quite figure out what his problem was, but he better not have one with me. I challenged his gaze, but he refused to back down.

Azriel gave a not-so-subtle look at me, but didn’t say anything as he moved to sit with us. A sharp kick to my shin had me wincing. When I looked up, Cassian met my heated gaze.

Don’t even think about it, he mouthed, glare set so deep in his eyes I wasn't sure his eye lids would peel off his face.

One raise of my eyebrow told him I was up for the challenge. I could see his jaw clench, and that only made me want to push his buttons.

I managed to break my vice hold on Cassian and look at Azriel from across the table. He had these lighter colored eyes, hazel I think. And a dark mess of hair. He wore a fitted black athletic tee, and black sweats with a Nike swoosh on the hip. I think I stared a little too long, cause when I looked back up at his face, he sent me a wink.

I damn near gagged. He wishes.

“And you’re engaged? That’s wonderful, Cassian. I am so happy for you,” Dana gushed while looking at Nesta’s ring. “Congratulations, you two. Do you have a date picked out?”

“No,” Nesta said sternly. “We are just going to wait things out. Until both of us feel ready.”

Cassian nodded, not offering up any words.

“What would you guys like for dessert?” Rhys asked, listing off a few options. I stopped paying attention after chocolate cake because who would want to hear anything else?

“I’m afraid we better get on the road, it is a long drive back to our home. Thank you for dinner, it was delicious,” Arthur stood up from the table, shaking Rhys’s hand. “Cassian, a word, please?”

With a deep breath, Cassian stood up and followed the old man out of the room.

“Okay, now that he’s gone, can we all agree that there is something wrong with him? I’ve never seen him so… so rigid in my life,” Mor blew out air from her lips, shaking her head.

I offered a tad bit of insight. “Dana and Arthur are kind of fed up with me so they’re just gonna take off. And leave me here. But don’t worry, I’m just gonna find a bus stop in the morning and be gone before any of you wake up. No biggie.”

The room was silent except for my fork scratching on the plate. When I looked up, everyone was looking at me funny.

“Ira, what? They’re gonna leave you here?” Mor gasped.

“It is a long story. And they think I need a role model to get my life together. Why Cassian is that role model I’ll never understand because the last I knew of him he was just as irresponsible as I was.”

Rhys took a sip of wine, “How long has it been since you’ve seen each other?”

“Six years. But I mean you all probably know him better than I ever did so, might wanna ask that prick why he abandoned me.” I took a big piece of this chocolate cake into my mouth. “Fuck, this is good.”

“What happened?” Feyre prodded.

“We are lightyears away from you being able to ask that,” I laughed. “No offense but, it’s none of your fucking business.”

Again, the room was silent, except for a small snort at the end of the table. It wasn’t Elain because she was so red she looked like she was gonna pass out. And the only other one was Azriel.

“Hint taken,” Rhys pressed his lips in a flat line. “Well, you are Cassian’s family, so you are always welcome in our home.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to be. I’ll figure it out, I always have. It’ll be like I was never here,” I took another forkful and shoved it in. Damn, I was gonna miss this cake. “So, Rhys, you own a casino and a hotel. What do the rest of you do?”

I’ll pretend like I care for my own amusement.

“Well, Cassian runs the casino and hotel,” Rhys pointed out again. “Azriel owns and runs the adjacent club. We basically have our own empire here.”

“Sounds riveting,” I rolled my eyes. “What about you Mor.”

“I am the best fucking bartender this place has seen,” she grinned. “And I model here and there.” “Wonderful.” So she’s a princess. Got it.

“I have an art studio. I teach classes and do some workshops,” Feyre said. “But most of the time I am at home with our son Nyx. He is… he’s a handful. A spoiled handful.”

“Hey,” Mor said, “to be fair, he is the first kid in our group, what did you expect?”

“He’s barely two, he doesn’t need designer clothes that he won’t fit into after a few months anyway. It's a waste of money.”

“Feyre, darling, I don’t know if you’ve looked around, but we kind of have a lot of money. It could use some wasting,” Rhys patted her thigh under the table.

I can only hope to have enough financial security to be able to say sentences like that. They could probably retire right now, all of them, and never make a dent in their fortune. Lucky bastards.

“What is it that you do, Ira?” Azriel poked his head from around Mor.

“Oh,” I sputtered. What the hell was I supposed to say? Certainly the fact that I commit petty crimes won’t go over well. “I’ve had a lot of jobs. I don’t have a set career yet.”

“So hot-wiring cars is just a hobby then?”

A stream of water shot out of Mor’s mouth and onto the table. How did he even hear that?

“It’s a skill. Don’t come crying to me when your battery dies and you don’t wanna pay a hundred and fifty dollars for AAA to come and pick up your ass,” I deflected. Another skill I had built up over the years.

“And the locks?” Wow, he was kind of an asshole with supersonic hearing. I could see why he and Cassian hung around together.

“I was a locksmith,” I mustered up my best smile and scooted my chair so I was sitting at an angle.

“Ah, so it wasn’t just the ‘cops and robbers’ you and Cassie used to play growing up. Good to know,” Azriel wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin. He stood up, saying something about having to leave because he had to open up.

Just as he was walking by, I stuck my toe into the walkway and he tripped over me. Azriel all but went through the wall, Cassian coming around at the last second and catching his arm.

“You alright?” He asked as Azriel straightened himself out.

“Yup. Fine.” The glare he gave me sent a smirk curling at my lips. Two can play that game, mother fucker.

I, very gracefully, scratched the corner of my nose with my middle finger. He got the message. But so did Cassian.

“Your stuff is in the driveway. Go get it and meet me upstairs.” Cassian looked so pissed off. His shoulders were pinned to his ears again as he stalked away, that silence settling back in the room.

“Guess that’s my cue to get a move on. Thank you everyone, a pleasure to meet you all,” I said with a genuine tone. They were all cool.

The three duffle bags and backpack were not light as I carried them up the stairs, trying not to knock over all the decorations and pictures on the wall. One of them didn’t survive. It crashed all the way down and shattered on the hardwood floor. Cassian cursed from somewhere.

With a thud, I let go of all the bags in some random room at the end of the hall. It was barely big enough to call a hobbit hole. There wasn’t a window or a real bed, just some cot with a pillow and a blanket. “Glamourous.”

“It’s the best that I could do,” Cassian all but rolled his eyes.

“A couch would’ve been better,” I plopped down on the taught fabric, bouncing a little. “Sorry about the frame.” “It’s fine,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, Ira I’m sorry about how I left you.” “Yeah well apologies don’t mean a fucking thing to me unless you fix it, Cassian,” I folded my arms over my chest. “And for the record, I would’ve understood if you would’ve just fucking told me what was going on. Instead, not only did you not tell me, you ghosted me.” I just blinked up at him, waiting for an explanation. “Well?”

Nothing. Not even a strangled breath. “I just had to.”

“That’s the best you can do? Are you seriously still that fucking thick in the head?” “I didn’t have a choice, Ira,” he shouted.

“Yes,” I nodded. “You absolutely had a choice. You could’ve at least left me a fucking note with a number on it so I could talk to you. You were all I had, Cass. All I fucking had and you just disappeared. What did you expect me to do?”

Cassian shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I-I don’t know. I thought you’d get yourself together and make it out too. Build your own empire, like the one we have here.”

“In case you forgot, I didn’t get to finish school like you did.”

“Well that’s not my fault.”

The fucking nerve. I stood up, barely coming to his chest, and smacked him across the face. His head jerked to the side, and his mouth fell open. I shoved him into the wall on the other side of the hallway and he fell into it.

“You are a piece of fucking shit Cassian.”

“Ira–” “Did you really think that I would end up alright without you there? Could you really be that fucking stupid?”

“I didn’t think that–”

“Of course you didn’t. You never have. You’ve only ever thought about yourself and what would benefit you. You never gave a shit about me, I was just a burden you couldn’t get rid of.” “That’s not true,” he gritted his teeth.

“Tell me that I am not a constant reminder of dad. Or mom. Tell me.” I waited for a response. When nothing came, I felt the nausea roll through my body. “You are one sorry son of a bitch Cassian.”

“Jesus Ira you think I wanted to abandon you?” “You haven’t given me one other reason to believe anything different,” I was screaming now. I didn’t care if anyone else heard. “The last memory I have of you is seeing you packing a fucking bag and climbing out your window, what else am I supposed to believe about you?”

A door clicked open, and Azriel emerged. He looked at us with raised eyebrows. “Everything alright?”

No, you fucking prick.

“Just re-kindling our sibling rivalry,” I gave a mocking look, staring down Azriel. “Mind your own damn business. This doesn’t concern you.”

“Ira,” Cassian said, somewhat appalled.

“Just fuck off, Cassian,” I waved my hand at him. “Like I said, I’ll be gone in the morning and you don’t ever have to worry about making it up to me again because you won’t be able to. Hope you are happy living in your perfect little bubble with your perfectly little circle. Hope they’re all more important to you than I ever was.”

I slammed the door shut quicker than he could get a response out, leaning against it. I hadn’t ever realized that I was shaking.

Whatever. Fuck him too. I don’t need Cassian. I haven’t needed him for the past six years. God, has it really been that long?

There was no use in unpacking so I just piled the bags in the corner of the room. And there was also nothing to do besides lay down simply because there wasn’t enough room to do anything else.

Maybe when everyone has gone to sleep, or home, I’ll go sneak around. Take something just to piss him off. Nothing too valuable, but something really inconvenient like all the salt and pepper shakers or all the spoons.

Or one of the Corvettes in the driveway.

My mind was racing with thoughts, but eventually I had fallen asleep because the sun was peeking through the crack under my door. I stirred and sat up, sighing loudly.

I changed into a hoodie and some other jeans, slipping my jacket on knowing it'll be chilly.

With far more precision, I made it downstairs to the front door. It unlocked easily, thankfully no alarm system went off. The crisp morning greeted me and I slipped out silently.

Fuck, this driveway was long. Couldn’t they be normal and have a normal fucking sized driveway? It was so unnecessary.

And of course there was nothing at the end of it. Just the road and nothing else. Not another house or anything. Who knows how far it could be until a bus station. Hopefully this place wasn’t filled with a bunch of weirdos and I wouldn’t get kidnapped.

The thought of carrying all these bags for miles would tear up my back and shoulders. I didn’t have that much but… I needed all of it.

“Ira!”

I whirled around and saw a Cassian shaped silhouette coming down the driveway. Oh great.

“Come to demand I pay for the broken frame?” “Stay.”

What? “What?”

Cassian breathed heavily, “Stay. I-I am so sorry for what I said. And you’re right, I don’t ever think of anyone other than myself. And I’m sorry I never told you where I was going. I want to fix it, but I can’t if you don’t at least let me try.”

I dropped the bags, totally not believing what I was hearing. “And what if I don’t give a flying fuck if you want to or not?”

Cassian completely deflated. “Please, Ira. I made a promise to mom and dad that I would look after you. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I don’t feel like a piece of shit for what I did. I miss you.”

So what if he made a promise to mom and dad? He made a promise to me. To always stick together. To always be there. He hung me out to dry before I even had a chance to notice. His apology means nothing. His desperation means nothing.

I fucking hated Cassian. More than anything right now I wanted to watch him be boiled alive. Could he really even help me anyway? What was the fucking point of any of this? I was already humiliated, and dragging innocent people into my bullshit surely didn’t help.

I sucked in a big breath, hiking my bag up on my shoulder, ready to bolt. “Why should I?”

“Because what other option do you realistically have?”

“That is not fair,” I flare my nostrils. “You have no right to waltz back into my life and pretend you give a shit about me.”

“You were the one who was dropped on my doorstep,” Cassian pointed out, making my stomach drop.

“You know, you’re doing a shit job at showing that you legitimately want me to stay, asshole.” I was getting a little angry. Good things did not happen when I felt betrayed. “And for the record, I tried to talk them out of bringing me here, but they went around me and got a fucking court order. So, whether you want to believe it or not, it was not my choice to be here. I can’t even go back with Dana and Arthur because there will be a warrant out for my arrest.”

“Shit…” Cassian dragged a hand over his face. “Ira I’m-”

“Sorry? I know. But you lost the privilege of my forgiveness long ago. It is gonna take a hell of a lot more than ‘I’m sorry’ to fix what you’ve done to me.”

“I know, I know,” Cassian softened his eyes and his voice, standing tall in front of me. “Just… give me something. Anything, and I will never betray you ever again.”

Should I believe him? I have no fucking idea what to do. All my senses are telling me to run and don’t look back, but that gaping pit in my stomach that formed when he left seems a little less… gaping.

This was gonna be a rough fucking time. Nothing about this is going to be easy, but… he was right. I didn’t have another option. Prison, if I really was desperate, but I didn’t quite feel like losing all my basic human rights.

If he wanted me to stay, there were going to have to be some sacrifices on his end.

Maybe a little room for petty behavior.

“I want a real fucking room.” I demanded

“Any one in the house.”

“I want yours.”

“Absolutely not,” Cassian furrowed his brow. “Plus, I don’t even live here anymore. Just Rhys, Feyre and Nyx. Nesta, Azriel and I live in the next town.”

“So what, you all just visit together and pretend to be a big happy family?” I scoffed, kicking a stone.

“We don’t pretend, Ira,” he didn’t say it rudely, but more matter of fact-ly. And he looked at me like I had never known what a family was. I guess he forgot that when he left it kind of ruined me. Or again maybe he just didn’t care what it would do to me back then.

Cassian looked sad. Not depressed or upset, just sad.

“Your room or I’m gonna walk away right now.” There was no room for negotiating in my voice. I could see the conflict in his eyes, but with a sigh he gave in.

“Fine, you can have my room,” Cassian rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Actually it was. I spent weeks designing that room. All for it to go to fucking waste.”

“Sucks to suck I guess,” I smirked, shouldering two of my bags. I took a long, non-rage-filled look at my brother. Man… he looked so different. Six years is a long time to not see someone.

I gotta make this work. “I’m gonna work hard, you know. I’m tired of always being in the fucking mud.”

“Yup. Me too.” Nice, asshole. “You’re going to have to follow some rules and check in. This isn’t going to be a free-for-all, you’re gonna have a curfew.”

“A curfew? What am I, thirteen?”

“Until you can prove to me that you’re not gonna go and rob a bank, yes, you’ll have a curfew,” Cassian picked up my other bags and started walking back to the house. “We’re gonna find you a job because I will not be funding your operation.”

“What happened to ‘we have a lot of money. It could use some wasting’?”

“Rhys wasn’t wrong,” Cassian said. “But just because we have it doesn’t mean you get access to it.”

“Jeez, sorry I brought it up, grumpy pants. And what kind of rules anyway?”

“We’ll talk about it later. Some of us like to get a full eight hours of sleep every day so I am going back to bed. You’re not allowed to leave the house until I say so, so find something to do.”

“Or someone,” I whispered to myself. But Cassian heard. “A joke.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you eye fucking Azriel,” Cassian practically gagged. “That is one of your rules. You are not allowed to be engaged with him in any type of way. The last thing he needs right now is you.”

“Right to the heart. And please, I could do better.” That part was debatable for sure.

“I mean it, he’s been through a lot the past year and a half. It took him a long time to get to where he is and I won’t let you ruin it for him,” Cassian said possessively. “He, along with everyone else, is my family. Fuck with them and you’re dealing with me.” “News flash, buddy, so am I. We share the same DNA, and hair and eyes according to everyone else on the fucking planet.”

“Ira, I’m serious. If you fuck around with Azriel and I find out I sweat to–”

“Jesus, calm down Vengeance. Gotham is safe from the Joker,” I followed him inside, clicking the door shut behind me. “I won’t get involved with Azriel.”

“Good.”

He carried the bags to his car, telling me we’d make it to his house sometime in the afternoon. After that? I just… wandered. I looked in the kitchen, grabbing an orange and a few granola bars from the pantry. I slipped out the back door to the pool and sat on one of the lounge chairs.

The sunrise was full of oranges and golds. Much different from the other sunrises I’m used to up on the roof. The soft wind blew the water in the pool, making gentle lapping noises. I closed my eyes. Stretched my legs.

I’ve gotta be careful or I might get used to this.

I know the ending of this book. Read these pages, seen the titles. It’s gonna be no fucking different. I’ll give it the good ol’ college try, but it’s never gonna fucking work. I’ll do something stupid, piss off the wrong person and Cassian will kick me to the curb. Just a waiting game.

Nothing I can do about it, so I might as well see where fate takes me.

#ally writes #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic #azriel x oc #azriel acotar #azriel x ofc #azriel spymaster #acotar fandom #acotar fic

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illyrian-dreamer · 2 years

Text

Feel too much

Azriel x Reader one shot

“How much have you had to drink?” | “Let me take you home” | “I’ll be here when you wake up”

Summary: After being humiliated at a Night Court meeting, you drown you sorrows in a drink before sneaking off on your own.

Azriel needs to make sure you’re safe.

Warnings: Alcohol/drugs (18+, minors DNI), mentions of death

Words: 3,611

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“She’s a bastard whore,” Keir spat. “Just like her mother.”

Shadows exploded around you. Azriel’s hands were around Keir’s neck in an instant, throwing the male against the marbled wall.

“I’ll kill you right here,” Azriel snarled, his first words of the entire meeting.

Keir did his best to conceal his shock, coughing and smiling at Azriel’s outburst as he tried to breath against the hand around his throat. “She a traitorous whore who can't be trusted. Her mother was the same, she ruined this court!”

Azriel pulled Keir back before shoving him against the wall again, the marble cracking under the force as Keir grunted in pain. Azriel’s growl rippled through the room as his shadows arched like arrows, daring Keir to say anything else.

Your face had dropped and your body sagged at what Keir had said – you were unable to hide just how much those words had struck home.

Rhys wore his mask of nonchalant indifference, a small smirk placed on his lips. “Hold back, Azriel. You’re damaging my home.” You knew it was only an act, Rhys playing the High Lord of the Night Court better than anyone could ever know. That didn't mean his lightheartedness didn’t hurt.

Azriel didn't break his stare at Keir, his teeth bared as he was forced to step down, likely buckling under Rhys’s power.

“Ah Keir,” Rhysand tutted. “When will you learn to keep that horrible trap of yours shut?”

Keir glowered, his lips pressed in a thin line, suppressing his urge to further disrespect the High lord before him.

“Dismissed,” Rhys said coldly, his eyes blackened with power.

You stood still, unmoving as members of the council winnowed out of the meeting room without so much as a goodbye.

You couldn’t move, couldn’t breath. You were shocked, embarrassed and most of all, heartbroken. There was a feeling of wetness on your cheeks, and you raised shaking hands to touch them. Oh gods, you were crying.

A strong hand clasped your shoulder, shadows building around you, a blanket of privacy. You blinked up at Azriel who stared down at you, his hazel eyes glowing with rage from his confrontation.

“Let’s get out of here.”

You didn't have time to respond before the world folded before you, Azriel’s hold the only thing keeping you from breaking apart as you winnowed away.

————

You sat in your room, staring out at the city of Velaris with a drink in your hand.

You had rejected the many attempts of your family to comfort you after the debacle that was today’s meeting.

Azriel had immediately tried to comfort you when you arrived back in Velaris, but you dismissed him, saying you needed some space. His brow had pulled and it took him a moment, but he let you go, nodding in understanding.

Rhys had come to apologise, reassuring you it was all an act and that Keir would pay for what he said. But you left the lock on your door, and your High Lord eventually gave up.

Mor had even tried to distract you with some friendly girl-chat, but that didn't last long, you were distracted, staring off into the distant, only offering polite nods while she chatted away. She had left you to your drink with a kiss on your forehead, cursing her father.

You were ashamed. It wasn't that Keir had insulted you – he had insulted your late mother. She was one of Rhys’s spies, and had given her life to save the Nigh Court. Wearing the mask the rest of the Inner Circle so often had to wear, she had played the enemy, convincing the court while ultimately saving their lives. She had died a hero, and while your family knew it, it broke you to hear her name tarnished and spat on by the rest of them.

You swirled the drink in your hand before forcing the rest of it down, the amber liquid burning your throat as you begged it to take away the pain inside you. It wasn't enough – Keir’s voice rang in your ears, his vicious words turning to a roar you couldn’t ignore. You clutched at your head, trying to shake away the pain.

You stood suddenly, your heart pounding in your chest, tears brimming yet again. She had sacrificed herself to save a revolting pig like him, and he would never even know it.

It was too much. You felt too much, hurt too much. You wanted to be sedated, numbed from within. Before you thought twice, you had winnowed from the House of Wind.

————

Azriel looked at the clock, his hands laced in his lap, elbows resting on his knees. It was almost midnight. He had sworn to himself he would give you your space, but it was harder than he thought. You had looked so broken, so small after what Keir said at the meeting. An instinct had taken over when he saw your crumpled face.

He sat here now with his family as they discussed the result of the meeting. Surprisingly, Rhys hadn't given Azriel an earful for lashing out at Keir. Perhaps he understood the predatory instinct…

Mor, Cassian and Rhys were deep in conversation about politics of the council when the clock finally struck midnight. He had made it – the promise to himself to wait until midnight before checking in on you again. Azriel stood immediately, his family pausing their conversation and turning his way.

“Excuse me,” he murmured. “I’m going to check on Y/N.”

The others nodded, resuming their intense conversation, maps and notes sprawled across the table.

Azriel was soon at your door, his shadows desperate to seep through the cracks and find you. He kept them at bay, raising his hand and giving a gentle knock.

No answer.

Azriel tried again and waited. From the quiet of your room, he thought you might be asleep. He nodded to his shadows to check then, their darkness flowing beneath the hinged door to find you. They returned as quickly as they left.

“Gone,” they whispered to the Shadowsinger almost immediately.

Azriel’s cursed and turned the handle, surprised to find your door unlocked as it flew open. The fire had burned to an ember, and the ice in your glass by the window had melted. You had left, and you had been gone a while.

Rhys winnowed into your room, sensing the Shadowsinger’s distress. Mor and Cassian were close behind him.

“What is it?”

Azriel turned from the window, your glass still in his hand from inspecting it. “She’s gone.”

“Did someone take her?” Mor asked quickly.

“This house is warded,” Rhys said, reassuring his cousin. “She’s safe here.”

“Did she say she was going anywhere?” Cassian asked.

The rest of them shook their heads. “She wouldn’t speak to any of us,” Mor said quietly.

Azriel stared out at the window, his eyes narrowing as he did his best to guess where you were. The empty liquor bottle caught his eye, and he quickly put two and two together.

“She went to find more of this.” He held up the glass.

“We have plenty of liquor,” Mor countered.

“She went to find more alcohol, alone.” Azriel made his point.

“She was pretty upset,” Cassian agreed.

“Rightfully so,” Azriel grumbled, the rest of the group nodding in agreement.

“I’ll track her down,” Rhys said, his eyes glazing over as he tried to reach you mind to mind.

Azriel knew you better than the others, but even he couldn't say where you had gone for sure. This was so unlike you.

“I’ve found her,” Rhys announced, his eyes returning to their violet glow. “She’s in an altered state, it was hard to tell, but I’ve got a location.”

Azriel frowned. This was very unlike you. “Let’s go,” he said, unable to conceal his concern.

————

The music was loud, you could feel the thump in the floor and in your bones. You hummed, the sensation a wonderful distraction from the turmoil in your heart.

You were so very drunk – blissfully so. You swayed with the other partygoers, pressed against strangers on the dance floor as you let the music consume you, finishing yet another drink. You didn't wan’t to feel, to remember. You were here to lose yourself, forget who you are and melt into the setting around you. You wished you could disappear altogether, even if it was just for tonight.

A male approached you then, his eyes raking over your body as you danced, your muscles loose and free, an obvious sign of intoxication.

“Pretty girl,” he approached you, holding out his hand. You grinned slugishly, taking the hand of the stranger and letting him spin you.

He charmed you for the next few minutes, introducing himself and flirting with you as he escorted you to his booth. You laughed at his jokes, allowing yourself to be absorbed by the exciting and new interaction. This male at least had no idea of your past, and no idea at how broken you were inside.

“I want another drink!” you announced suddenly, interrupting his sentence. The male grinned down at you, his smile turning feline.

“Perhaps I can offer you something else.”

You looked at him with raised brows, watching him pull out a pipe of mirthroot. “Care for a smoke, pretty girl?”

You blinked up at the male. “I’ve never–“

“Don’t worry your little head,” he smiled keenly. “I’ll show you.”

He placed the pipe to his own lips, drawing slowly as smoke churned from the other end. He inhaled deeply, swallowing the smoke before letting it flow from his nose, eyes quickly glazing with relaxed content.

You grinned. This was exactly what you needed.

You reached for the pipe, copying the male before you and drawing a long breath. It hit you instantly, the lazy fog, the filter between your mind and the harsh realities of the world. It was the bliss you needed. It felt so good not to care, not to grieve.

Where are you?

Someone was knocking on your mental shields. You ignored the voice, drawing another puff from the pipe.

Y/N, where are you? The voice was more urgent now. Rhys.

You frowned, annoyed by the disturbance. Could you not get some time alone? You slammed your walls up as best you could, drowning out his voice and continuing with your fun.

“How do you feel?” the male before you asked, his smile lazy as he raked his eyes over you.

Your expression matched his, and you heard yourself giggle. “Delightful, actually.”

The music at the bar increased in tempo, and you had the sudden urge to dance. You pushed off from the booth, grabbing his hand as you made your back to the dance floor.

You had no idea how much time had passed, it could have been seconds or hours, there was no way of telling. You danced to your hearts content, with and without the male. The world swirled around you, your body heavy and light all at once as you sank further into the bliss, shedding the thoughts and feelings that haunted you so persistently.

That was, until you saw the peaks of Illyrian wings over the crowd by the bar entrance.

Crap.

It didn’t matter which one of them it was, you knew they were here to ruin your fun.

You ducked your head, doing your best to stealthily weave through the crowd to the far end of the bar. It was your altered state that convinced you you could escape unseen.

You had just finished apologising to a female for stepping on her toes, as you stepped backward into to something solid. No – someone.

Azriel stared down at you, his hazel eyes glowing in the dark lighting of the bar, arms crossed across his chest.

“Azzzz!” you slurred, a lazy smile plastered on your face as you greeted your friend sheepishly.

“Did you really think you could hide?”

You snorted, forgetting your quick mission to escape without your family seeing you. “To be honest, I did.” You grinned up at the brooding Illyrian, swaying slightly on your spot as you tried to focus the three Azriels you saw in front of you into one.

“Care to join me for a shot?” Your words were a string of slurs beyond your notice.

Azriel cocked an eyebrow, extending his hands to grasp your shoulders, steadying you from your constant sway. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Idunnoknow,” you slurred again, your eyelids heavy. “How much have you had to drink?”

Azriel frowned, leaning down to level his face with yours, his hazel eyes darting between your own. “Have you been smoking?” he asked, his tone concerned. You couldn’t help the roll of your eyes.

Azriel frowned deeper, looking past you at Rhys and Cassian who still lingered by the door. You saw him nod, dismissing his brothers as if to say he could handle this. Azriel’s eyes found yours again, and he levelled a look at you “Y/N, I think I should take you home.”

You scowled, your mood instantly flipping from playful to defiant. You pushed his hands off your shoulders. “M’not ready to go home,” you mumbled, turning back to the bar to secure your next drink. Azriel caught your wrist, spinning you back to face him.

“Y/N, listen, I know today was hard for you, but I can’t let you hurt yourself because of it. C’mon, let me take you home.”

It was as if Azriel had found the one string to pull in your heart, derailing all your efforts tonight to just forget. You scowled again, yanking at your arm roughly. You were furious.

“Why’d you come here Az? To remind me how miserable I am?” you spat.

Azriel blinked at you, his face one of shock. “No, of course not,” he said softly.

“‘Coz I was having a really good time before you showed up. I had almost forgot.”

Azriel’s brows pulled at you in sympathy, catching your confession. “Forgot what?”

You blinked, another scowl pulling on your face. “Don’t look at me like that,” you snapped, your words barely coherent. “Don’t want your pity.” You waved the male off, turning again, but Azriel held you firm in place.

“I’m not pitying you Y/N, I just want to help. Stop resisting love, let’s go home.”

It took all the fight you had to not give in. Deep down inside, you knew it’s what you needed. But as soon as you went home, you’d have to face everything you had bottled up until this moment.

“No!” you yelled, pushing the male back. Azriel didn't move an inch, instead he kept looking down at you with patience and sympathy, which you loathed.

“Is everything ok here?” It was the male with the mirthroot, his arm slinking over your shoulder as he stared at Azriel, catching your confrontation.

If looks could kill. Azriel’s hazel eyes were now black, his jaw ticking as he barely held the snarl ready at his lips.

“Everything’s fine,” you mumbled, slinking out from the male’s arm. He grinned at Azriel, enticed by the challenge. “Great. I was trying to find you should you care for another hit of the pipe?” He withdrew the mirthroot, offering it to you first this time.

You didn’t have a chance to reach for it before Azriel snatched your hand in his. “I think she’s had enough,” he seethed, his teeth bared as his shadows gathered into a thick, intimidating form.

You scowled back at Azriel. “I can make the decision for myself.”

Azriel raised his eyes back at you, the patience he had shown before gone in the face of the other male. You didn't have time to say another word before Azriel picked you up over his shoulder, stalking for the exit. You yelled, pounding weak fists on his back, the motion making you feel ill.

“I’m sorry love, but this is for your own good.” The next thing you knew, the world was folding around you in rips of winds, your hair ripping around your face as you shrieked in protest.

You felt the crisp air of the night before you saw it, Azriel setting you down in one of the many cobbled streets of Velaris. You were so close to hurling.

“Now was that so hard?”

You cursed at him, crossing your arms across your chest. How dare he grab you like that. “I hate you!” you glowered.

“Sure you do,” he replied cooly with a small roll of his eyes. “From one friend to another, you need water, and you need rest.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as the world around you spun. “I don't want to go home,” you whispered.

“Why?” Azriel asked, his voice softer now.

Your brows pulled in pain. “Because…” you trailed off, bringing your arms across your chest, hugging yourself as you tried to find the words. “Because I don't want to feel.”

Azriel approached you then, one hand steadying you on your shoulder, the other gently cupping your face. “Oh, Y/N,” he said with soft sympathy.

Your tears betrayed you, rolling down your cheeks at an uncontrollable rate. But you pushed his hands away – he wasn’t listening to you. “Please, Az. Don’t make me feel these things.”

Azriel’s heart broke at your plea. He reached for you again, using a gentle thumb to wipe away your tears before pulling you into his chest. “You’re not alone in this Y/N. C’mon love, you need to rest,” he said gently

You had no more energy, no more will to fight. You nodded, letting the Illyrian scoop you into his arms as he winnowed you back to the House of Wind.

You were surprised to find yourself in Azriel’s room and not your own. He placed you gently on your bed, summoning a glass of water and bringing it to your lips while he held the back of your head, not giving you the chance to refuse. You sipped at the liquid, looking up at the male that carefully drew the glass away once you finsihed.

You blinked up at the Shadowsinger. He had always been a dear friend, but never had you seen him so… attentive.

“Raise your arms.”

You scoffed. “Trying to undress me, Shadowsinger?” you teased, an alcohol-fueler confidence escaping you without control.

Azriel smirked, shaking his head. “Arms. Up.” The male pulled your dress off, and didn't so much as look at you before you felt a cool material being draped over your head. It was one of his black shirts, the fabric soft against your skin, his scent deep within the fabric. It instantly calmed you.

“W-where are?,” you stuttered, still slow to your surroundings. “Why are we in your room?”

“Two reasons,” Azriel said, folding your dress neatly to the side before kneeling in front of you, offering you a refilled glass of water. “Firstly, I don't trust you enough to not sneak out and do something really stupid. And secondly, you’re not in a good way, and I’m going to be here for you. You can stay with me tonight, if you want to of course.”

You blinked at Azriel, unable to process the fact that he was so considerate, so thoughtful. He offered you a soft smile, before pushing the glass you held up to your lips.

You finished drinking before taking a breath, Azriel’s hazel eyes unmoving as they watched you.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered softly, trying your best to speak through your haze.

“What for, doll?”

“For ruining your night.”

Azriel chuckled then. “You didn't ruin anything.”

You nodded, sniffing while trying to regain your senses. There was a beat of silence between you. “Keir is a prick.”

“He’s one of the worst.” You felt large hands gently caress your knees, grounding you before the anger and grief could overwhelm you again.

Another beat of silence.

“My mum gave her life for that prick.” The tears poured immediately, you had no chance of stopping them.

Azriel moved in fast, pulling you to his chest as he coddled you while you cried. “You’re mum was a hero. And you are just as brave.” he whispered into your hair, kissing your forehead before resting his chin on your crown. You clung to his arms while he rocked you, one arms pulling you in tightly while the other stroked your hair.

When you finally calm down, Azriel didn't say anything as he moved you into his bed, pulling the silk sheets over you before settling in at your side, his arms and wing draping over you in a comfort unlike anything else. Finally the world had stopped spinning, and you felt the slightest bit at peace.

Your eyes felt heavy, and you blinked, fighting the sleep that called you. Azriel frowned, running a gentle hand down the side of your cheek. “You can sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake.”

You turned on your side, looking up at the handsome and selfless male before you. What had you done to deserve someone like this in your life? Azriel pulled you in closer, his deep and slow breaths calming you as you closed your eyes.

“Az?”

“Yes love?”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

“Az?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Az?”

“Go to sleep, Y/N.”

You snorted, and then gasped as you felt him flick your nose in the dark. You giggled, settling further into the sheets and the arms of the Shadowsinger before drifting off to a calm sleep, knowing that you weren't ever alone.

--------

AN: Hope you enjoyed another angsty Az story!! Comment to join the tag list, love y’all <3

ACOTAR general tag list:@kennedy-brooke @cosmic-whispers @jazmin2211 @psychobookaholic

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bunthebreadboy · 4 months

Text

i saw a fanart on pinterest when i decided to change my entire phone theme and i can’t get it out of my head.

the art was just after the zuko and ozai agni kai. zuko was knocked out, iroh was getting ready to take him and leave, and azula just came in and said “i took care of it”. if anyone knows what i’m talking about and has it saved or knows the og artist pls lmk!!

anyways. it got me thinking about an expansion of this au (that i will never write because i have neither the patience nor the time to do that) that (unsurprisingly) results in disasterlesbian!azula

so hear me out on this one. there would need to be an entire plot. like. what’s aang going to do??

azula killed ozai by electrocuting him. it’s the first time she discovers her lightning bending. it looks like he had a heart attack in his sleep. (don’t get too wrapped up in the details. azula’s a prodigy she can be overpowered for a bit)

why did she kill her dad? she’ll swear up and down that it was because “he really should have picked on someone with a better fighting ability than zuzu. honestly, it’s stupid he didn’t lose his honor after frying my pathetic firebender of a brother to a crisp.” it’s actually because she kind of sort of loves zuko. she will NEVER admit that.

iroh becomes fire lord, albeit a bit reluctantly. he spends the next three years attempting to end the war, stop the spread of propaganda in the fire nation, and deal with his niece and nephew bickering all the time.

so aang comes out of the iceberg. meets katara and sokka. katara convinces him to take her to the north pole because he’s the avatar, he still should probably master all four elements war or not. all of the traveling is the same (except zuko chasing them) until they get to omashu and king bumi is like “what’s up my dude, welcome back. we’re recovering from a war, so you should probably learn politics and how to not offend anyone while you master the elements!!”

(“there was a WAR?!?!!!” -aang, probably)

so now aang does a deep dive into all of the nation’s politics while also training. katara doesn’t really attend his meetings, but sokka’s a total nerd and is sat for every single one. first is waterbending at the north pole. insert canon things but add in a meeting with arnook.

this is where we introduce the REAL enemy, because the enemy can’t be the gaang attempting to learn international law at 12, 14, and 15 years old. during the full moon someone assassinates the moon spirit! (sorry yue, i love you but you still die in this au…)

so after mastering waterbending the gaang heads to the earth kingdom. they meet toph and she joins. they head to ba sing se, which, after trying to talk politics with the king, they realize is still completely unaware of the war. while in the earth kingdom, we get a name for the big bad. the dai li. after realizing that ba sing se is basically a military dictatorship, the gaang escapes and head to the fire nation.

that’s where zuko, azula, and iroh get reintroduced. aang and sokka consistently come back from meetings with the royals complaining about “oh my god, the princess is such a bitch. seriously, how is she allowed to help run this country??”

katara eventually goes with the boys to a meeting to get them to shut up. toph makes fun of her for being a people pleaser, but katara will do literally anything to get her brother and best friend to stop yapping about the same topic at her every. single. day.

azula (disaster lesbian) doesn’t say a single word throughout the entire meeting. sokka and aang walk out feeling like they were in the twilight zone. katara shows up to more and more meetings. why? definitely not cause the princess is sort of kind of somewhat cute intriguing.

insert azula’s gay awakening crisis here. she eventually starts talking at the meetings, but she’s only ever nice to katara lmao. katara does realize that azula’s an actual genius, though. she decides that the two of them could probably like, take over the entirety of ba sing se in a day if they tried hard enough. but of course that is purely hypothetical.

so one day a meeting gets interrupted by a literal dai li assassin trying to kill aang. he barely escapes the resulting fight.

so the dai li send more assassins. and even more assassins. until finally zuko gets fed up and is just like “alright i’m tired of dealing with these guys. can we please go kick their leader’s ass??”

that is how azula and zuko end up joining the gaang. and how azula can eventually lay siege over ba sing se (even if she reluctantly gives it back when katara tells her to).

—

other misc key points:

- azula and katara get together right before they fight with long feng. it happens cause katara notices that azula is nervous (nobody else would be able to tell) and so she’s like “zula. you’ve got this. we’ve got this” and kisses her lmao

- toph and azula are best friends, to katara’s obvious dismay

- the second azula calls zuko “zuzu” in front of sokka he immediately starts rolling on the floor and laughing. katara has to make sure his lungs are okay afterwards

- zuko: “im literally not gay??” sokka: “yeah, and toph can see”

- toph regularly comes back to wherever the gaang is staying with bags of money. she knows how to find every single illegal fighting ring in the world.

- this is a loooooong term plot. since there’s no reason to worry about the comet it can take place over many years. which also means that katara and azula literally pine for each other until they’re like 20 and everyone around them, especially (and surprisingly) aang, is like “oh my god make it stop”

#atla #avatar the last airbender #katara #azula #azutara #kazula #sokka #toph beifong #zuko #zukka #i did not intend for this post to be so long #i’m sorry #i totally took like 45 minutes to type all this out oops

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spatialwave · 11 months

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jordan teaching marie how to play their favorite video games cuz "im just a kid addicted to their playstation <\3"

oh lord, you’ve definitely asked this question to the right person. i’ve been dying to write something like this! 🩵 word count: 959

jordan was always the same kid that was addicted to their playstation. even as an adult, it held true. it was a comfort to them. a way to decompress after the heaviness of their hectic life took its toll. the sound of the playstation turning on, the feel of the controller in their hands - they could play for hours on end. it was their happy place.

they often played their games alone, single-player games they could get lost in. they never played any of the bullshit vought superhero games, preferring spiderman or batman. the other ones felt too real.

though, their favourite was the last of us. they'd played it too many times to count on both hands. they fell in love with the richness of the story and the characters, most of all, the soundtrack that pulled at their heartstrings.

late one evening jordan had finally finished up their coursework with a few hours to spare before they would settle into bed. their eyes lingered on the playstation hooked up to their tv; they couldn't resist.

soon they were sitting on an armchair just a few feet from the tv, dressed down in a pair of loose boxers and a white sleeveless top. they had only gone as far as to hover over a 'new save file' when there was a knock on the door. a heavy sigh came from them as they begrudgingly set the controller on the armrest and walked to the door with heavy feet.

"what do you want?" their voice was sharp, pointed and filled with annoyance, as they pulled open the door. their expression softened when they saw marie, "oh."

"bad time?" she asked, hands clasping in front of her.

"no, no. i mean... yeah, no." jordan replied, wondering how honest they should be. this was the first time in weeks they managed to free up some time to play.

"it's cool, jordan. it can be a bad time." marie insisted, the last thing she wanted was to impose on their time. though, it was one of those nights where she was hoping to curl up beside them and 'accidentally' fall asleep in their room.

jordan let out a chuckle through their nose, opening the door wider, "it doesn't have to be a bad time if you don't mind me... playing a game." they motioned towards their television set-up, looking sheepish.

"oh, you're a gamer?" marie teased as she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. not once did her eyes leave the tv screen, jordan took notice of it.

"you haven't played before?" they asked, walking back to their armchair, grabbing onto the controller and waving it slightly.

marie shook her head, "no. we didn't really have the luxury of having that kind of stuff," she admitted, "i can watch."

jordan's eyes widened slightly as an idea formed in their head, a smile spreading on their lips, "do you want to play?"

marie shook her head, "i've never played before, jordan. i, uh, i wouldn't even know where to start. it's okay," she laughed softly.

jordan tilted their head slightly, still giving that small smile as they settled back into the armchair and gestured for marie to follow. she was hesitant, but how could she say no to that smile?

not even minutes later, marie was fully settled in jordan's lap with the playstation controller in her hand. it was a funny ordeal, being told by jordan several times 'not that one' when she tried to interact with something onscreen, but pressed the wrong button and instead made the character jump. this was the happiest that she'd ever seen jordan, looking at them for a brief second to see the biggest smile on their face.

"okay, jordan, this is getting a little freaky," marie murmured after she played a bit more, no longer needing to ask jordan what to do every few seconds, but still taking her sweet time, "like... really freaky."

"are you scared?" they smirked, their arms snaking around marie's waist as they leaned against her and watched intently.

"no, not scared. i just didn't realize you were into horror stuff," she murmured, her voice trailing off a little as she fixated on the television. she understood why jordan liked this so much, it was almost like controlling a movie. it was beautiful.

more time passed, filled with jordan directing her on where to go or marie asking questions to which they would reply with 'just play and you'll find out'. it was fun. so much fucking fun.

but then, as all the last of us fans know, the ending of the intro scene came. marie was playing, then suddenly she was completely absorbed into the cutscene. she sat forward on jordan's lap and just stared with her jaw hanging open.

the title card hit the screen and jordan moved to pause the game, eyes looking up at marie.

"are you- oh my god, marie."

she turned back to look at them, tears welling up in her eyes, "you didn't tell me it was sad," she whimpered, a few of the tears rolling down her cheeks, "why would you make me play it?"

"i'm sorry," jordan couldn't help but let out a laugh at the situation that was unfolding, reminiscing about the first time they played and sobbed into their pillow for an hour before continuing, "i didn't think you'd cry." they stifled their laughter as much as they could, their hands running along marie's sides and lips peppering kisses against her bare shoulder to help soothe her.

the rest of the night was spent laying in their bed consoling marie, who would be fine... then she would remember the game and start crying again. jordan loved marie, and her compassionate heart, so damn much.

#limoreau #jordan li x marie moreau #jordan li #marie moreau #gen v #this one is for tlou fans hehe #wordsbyspatial #spatialanswers

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slotumn · 5 months

Text

Some notes on how I personally like to write the lords + Rhea+ Shezleth wrt sacrifices and deaths and moral dilemmas they face when they make decisions

Basically,

Edelgard: People will die because of my decisions, but it must be done in order to bring change and ensure more don’t die in the future under an unjust system

Rhea: People will die because of my decisions, but it must be done in order to maintain stability and ensure more don’t die in the future under chaos and turmoil

Dimitri: People have died because of me and my decisions, I know it’s unforgivable no matter what and I will atone for it by avenging them (feral mode)/saving as much as or more than I have killed (post-feral clarity)

Claude: People have died because of me and my decisions, but that was the best I could do in my situation, and as long as I/we stay alive thanks to that I/we still have a chance to turn things around for the better

Byleth: People dying is people dying and nobody knows if any of your decisions will be “justified” until it plays out. I’ll help you get the results that will hopefully “justify” your decisions because I love and support you, but honestly, all that shit you're saying is just cope

Shez: Cool cool, where’s my fucking money

As you can tell the main foils/contrasts I like are Rhea <–> Edelgard, Dimitri <–> Claude, and Shez+Byleth. More rambling about it under the cut

For Rhea and Edelgard, I like to focus on them being similar people at different points of life/the project they’ve dedicated their lives to. I’m sure people have already made the analysis about parallels between them, from losing their families/conquering the continent/etc etc but basically, they have very similar philosophies/attitudes/outlooks, and the difference is whether the current system and dominant ideology is what they like or not.

I think that a young Seiros, fleeing a genocide and recruiting allies in the south, would have had faced similar objections Edelgard did; Nemesis may not be the most benevolent ruler, yes, and we don’t literally believe everything his regime preaches, but at least things are manageable and stable if we play along, especially down here in the south. Do we really need to risk everything we have to go up and fight him? Your ideas hold appeal, but some of us don’t find it appealing enough to die for it.

And similarly, I think Edelgard, if she grew old enough to see her system really take root in society, would say a lot of the same things that Rhea would've liked to say, when younger generations complain; look, what we have isn’t perfect, but you really don’t want to see what it was like before, and the fact you can have these complaints at all are a testament to the system I’ve made working. And if you try to burn all this down out of youthful passion, it’s more likely that we will regress instead of progress.

For Dimitri and Claude, it’s about how they deal with guilt; on a personal level, specifically. Politically I think they’d take or dodge responsibility as is necessary lol

Dimitri is straightforward, almost too straightforward. Not great at coming up with excuses, or rather, excusing himself. His way of facing the guilt is very one on one; taking blood for blood, while he's feral. Saving life for life taken, post-feral clarity. And even then, deep down he feels like ("knows") it's will never be enough. And he takes on all that guilt head on even in places where it's not his fault, a.k.a. survivor's guilt.

Claude, meanwhile, dude is a mental gymnastic gold medalist (affectionate). It's not that he doesn't feel guilt, but I think he's very good at seemingly minimizing it, excusing it, and convincing himself that he's better off focusing on other things. As for survivor's guilt, I'm not saying Claude wouldn't ever feel it, but he'd focus on the fact he survived, rather than the guilt.

Finally, Byleth and Shez. Honestly I think they have pretty similar outlooks, it's just a matter of how they explain it lol. The role I like to give these two is reality checkers; because the lords and Rhea can have their debates about Ideology™ and The System™ and Morality™ and Responsibility™ of it all they'd like, but in the end, it's people like Shez and Byleth doing the dirty work and dying on the field for the decisions.

And when people die, the physical, material reality is that they're fucking dead. Attach causes and justifications and obligations and excuses to their corpses as you want, but at the end of the day, it is a corpse and the person is dead. That's the reality they've always lived in, and not just as a one-off incident, either; the thing they do for survival is fighting and killing. They have a "It Is What It Is" type of attitude as a baseline, because, well... it is. Doesn't mean they don't feel things about it. Doesn't mean they don't want to save people where they can. Nonetheless— they know all too well that what happens is what happens.

For this reason, I like to think that grand moralistic judgements are not their thing, no matter the route; they don't even think the lord they sided with is fundamentally more correct/better. Like, come on, when they were asked to choose a house upon arriving at Garreg Mach, they probably weren't weighing their options based on who'd be the most "objectively" "morally" correct if a war broke out between the three (+the Church).

That being said, I think they definitely have a sense of what's good. But it's not the philosophical/abstract type of good you might hear the other four get into debates about. Shez and Byleth's idea of good is, in many ways, very small and inconsequential— but grander concepts of morality can't exist without it. And I like to think that the reason why Shez and Byleth become so important to the side they picked isn't just because of their powers, but also because the constantly they remind others of those small good things.

"Good" to Shez and Byleth is having enough to eat; having warm clothes and bed to sleep in and a roof over their heads; spending time with the people they care about and seeing them safe. It's quite animalistic, in a way; interesting, considering that Agarthans belittle their enemies by calling them beasts.

But I don't think those two would be particularly affected by being called animals for that reason. "These beasts are happy— what about you?"

#fe3h #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem warriors three hopes #few3h #rhea #rhea fire emblem #rhea fe3h #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #claude von riegan #byleth #byleth eisner #shez #fe3h meta #slotalks #meta #shezleth #when i bring up shez and byleth as a set just assume it's me pushing shezleth ok

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devastatinglygreen · 4 months

Note

Okay so now do what you think will happen after Colin finds out about Lady Whistledown. 🙏

so i sat on this for a little bit because i didn't really know how to answer it but i was chatting with @gleefullypolin, while totally not talking about polin nonstop, no. talking very normally i assure you.

i'm going to put the rest under the cut because it might have spoilers or speculation that people don't want to see:

alright so we know when colin finds out about LW, right? and we know they have a fight. a big one. obviously.

i think colin has to have a regression of his character. he's only been vulnerable around one person so far this season. penelope. and he loves and adores her and she's going betray (hello eros and psyche!) his trust.

there is no love without trust.

there's something very interesting we noticed while chatting about colin and his bro friends. they've been there each time he makes a choice about penelope.

the first ball, he chooses her over them after they're like, "the featherington girl? why concern yourself with her?" but then he tries to take it somewhere private and she checks him hard and cracked his armor. she was not impressed with that version of him and he knew it.

and he definitely will when he learns she's LW if he wasn't aware before

when he's not near them, he chooses her without thinking about it, he runs out after her at a ball when gossip about them is pretty much being said to their faces. even at the first brothel scene, he tells them he's late but then we see him at the market waiting for penelope. this man is a fake and a liar and we see him, we know what he's about. nerd.

in episode 3, he's with them at the balloon thing and they're messing with him about helping penelope and he's so dumb because he's like "i'm done with all of that. it's good to back" all cocky and lame like he wasn't just eating the same cupcake thing she did and staring at her. i was a dramatic teenage girl who once had a crush on a guy who i only saw at lunch and never knew his name and even i wasn't down that bad. good lord. embarrassing.

not really i love it, i love him so much

but he picks penelope over them again when he runs off to save her from the big mean hot air balloon.

we see them again in episode 4, at the library while he watches penelope through a mirror. because that's definitely not crying, screaming, throwing up behavior. they invite him out. for revelry. regency bro speak for possible syphilis and liver disease, it's fine.

he can't get down with his ladies of choice because he's knee deep in wishing he was balls deep in penelope instead. he stares at a wall. they manage to make us feel bad for a man sitting in a brothel. amazing.

we see them at mondrich's. they're talking about girls they probably didn't actually sleep with. oh sure, totally buy that you had access to a woman for 6 months straight. you bet, my guy, totally believable. colin is unhappy. he's like don't you ever want to have a feeling? they're like, no, i just feel the syphilis. it burns, bridgerton. we need antibiotics.

antibiotics won't be a thing for like another 100 years give or take good luck i guess

but he stays and drinks. he's picked penelope but he can't have penelope at this moment. he's in bed laying there waiting to sleep. or die. idk. he's a bridgerton, they're dramatic.

he sees them one last time in episode 4. they stop him. they're dicks. rude to will on top of it? pls. they invite him out and he says no. he's picked penelope once more but he doesn't say anything but "excuse me" and pushes through. they don't push back. they're like, fine. more chronic liver failure and fake stories for us, bro.

he finds penelope. causes a huge social upset that no one pays attention to because he's too busy ragging on debling for having the audacity to leave penelope for years. which is fair. colin would never.

chases penelope. catches her. not quite balls deep but knuckles deep at minimum, let's be real.

which, i am very sorry for this being this long at this point, is why i think we could see his "friends" again before the end. he's going to go through something world shaking and they're always there when he's making a choice but i think what's important to note is that he always makes the right one, he always picks penelope. i think he's not fully dropped that armor and it's easy to slip back into someone pretending not to care, especially when you're hurting. he's got to reject the man society wants him to be and, essentially, be the man penelope needs him to be. she's his purpose.

eta: colin loves to be penelope's hero. i think he's going to feel that pull over whatever else is going on.

i'm just saying it's a mirror of how penelope needs to reconcile how she's both penelope and lady whistledown. they both need to come to terms with who they want to be moving forward. symbolism or some shit.

or i'm totally wrong and all those words above mean nothing. either way i got to avoid folding laundry. time well spent if you ask me.

#asks #anon #polin #bridgerton spoilers #bridgerton speculation #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #colin's douche friends

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crooked-wasteland · 2 months

Note

I just saw your essay on the codependency of FizzOzzie and it cleared up a lot of things I've been thinking about this ship and to be honest, I myself thought it was the most healthiest ship in the whole show even better than the trash that Stoliz is but well... (btw, I was trying to scroll through tumblr to find it but can you just link it for me so I coud read it again)?

It also brings me to an idea of the possibility brung up in two fics each with different ideas:

#1 if Hazbin's events every leak in Helluva's since they're the same universe, there's a possibility that Lucifer would want to have precautionary heirs for the defense of Hell and outright force Ozzie and any other relationships with lowerclass apart since it's "not compatible with angelic DNA" or some thing, so Ozzie could in fact leave Fizz because of his status

#2 Ozzie getting tired of Fizz... Ozzie is the sin of Lust after all and Lust can be ever-changing and capricious in its nature as a sin. Ozzie’s character, embodying Lust, might lead to a fluctuating commitment level, influencing his interactions and relationships. In biblical lore, he did end up causing a lot of sinful things like fucking a human named Sarah or so I remember?

Again this is the same guy who humiliated Blitzø in Ozzie, S2 just rewrote him completely (btw, in my rewrite I'mma change him to be more evil and instead give the whole "lovey-dovey Sin" idea to Satan who is female and thinks Asmodeu's "fake-love" is like a slap in the fact to her idea of realistic and true romance)

I'd just feel like Fizz would be better off with Blitzø tbh or Striker or all in a threesome... the possibilities are endless, and why is the show making love seem too fairytale and unrealistic?! Like Blitzø shouldn't have to fuck Stolas just because he was his arranged playmate for just one day??? The show did the childhood friends trope dirty and would be better if Stoliz was a thing until mid-teens broke up for [insert reason] and reconnect but honestly, Stolas should've had his own seperate season/arc dedicared to himself if HB was an anthology show

Also the fact that Asmodeus couldn't just burn the contract, one-shot the lawyer and go on a rampage to save Fizz is just beyond me... the Sins are supposed to be these scary demon lords so why aren't they, hm?

Sorry for rambling and what do you think or want to add?

Absolutely here you go.

The consistent failure of Vivziepop is to commit to a mature story. She describes her own protagonists as "Deeply flawed but understandably traumatized people who just need love to fix them" while the villains of her shows are "irredeemable" (and women, but that's a tangent).

I mentioned before that trying to use the excuse of the setting being Hell and playing that out to the logical conclusion would end up exactly like Good Omens. The whole moral of said show being that imperfect humanity is worth saving, that life is worthy and beautiful for its own sake of existence. That is why the story of Good Omens uses the Bible, angels, and demons to tell it's story, to make that point.

Why is Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel set in Hell? What is being said by the plot, themes and story? So far we have that demons are better people than the Angels in Hazbin. That sacrifice is the only virtue worthy of redemption and thus reinforces backwards Christian ideals of penance.

Personally, I would have made Hell less absurd. Less a place of debauchery and chaos and more a mere continuation of life. We see in the Hazbin Pilot a character falls from the sky and says "I'm alive?" Before being hot by Travis' car. The point being that people just transition from one life to the next and in that they keep living life the way they always have.

My personal criticisms of the series' use of Hell is that it established this idea that people only behave if they have a god to fear. Once in Hell, there is no salvation, so why bother. It's like a Christian asking an atheist why they wouldn't commit murder if they don't believe in God. The answer is that people like order and security. People dying would seek to maintain their status quo from life. A lack of salvation wouldn't change that for them.

And frankly, I wouldn't have redemption be a thing. This story and its messages are actively devalued by the act of redeeming sinners when the Angels are just the same as them. By having Hell just be a warped continuation of life on Earth, it makes the message more universal: Life is Hell. Life is suffering in a way Hell can never hope to be. Physical anguish and torment for all eternity can never amount to the pain of the fleeting and the terror of change and uncertainty.

I would have made it impossible to be redeemed because the fact is, regardless what you believe happens after death, what we know we have is life. We fear death so much we have created salvation throughout history, the wish to keep living forever in some way. But, especially for young people, life is harder now than ever before. It's more terrifying and uncertain and cruel and uncaring.

So if life is Hell, how do you be happy?

That would have been my thesis for the show. The message underneath is all about finding happiness in the absence of salvation. Even the idea that maybe salvation is something we should reject to really feel what it means to be alive. Giving up on our deaths and seeking our own fulfillment, and in that finding community, love, and hope. To see true humanity as something selfish and kind at the same time.

That's how I would have taken the concept.

#hazbin critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel critical #vivziepop critical #ask and answer

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sailorshadzter · 2 months

Text

just a little angst cause why not :')

She stops in her tracks, the frigid air like a slap in the face; it steals the breath from her lungs and for a single moment she’s plunged into a memory she swore she’d someday forget. There on the battlements, she looks out over the courtyard, ever busy from their many preparations for the war that was soon to come. In this place there wasn’t a single person working hard to ensure their survival.

Well, save for maybe one.

As if conjured by her thoughts, a dragon goes screeching by overhead, belching flames as he streaks through the sky. No one flinches, she notices, for her people have already grown quite used to their presence. Such a thought fills her with dread. There isn’t a single thing about the dragon queen she liked, not a single thing she said that she believed. Sansa has dealt with people like her before, even if Jon has not. She can see right through the facade that was Daenerys Targaryen, even if Jon cannot. In truth, it isn’t as if she can blame him for falling for her, she was easy to believe when you only thought with what grew between your legs. The dragon queen was an ethereal sort of creature, like the silver light of the moon in the night sky, her violet eyes strange yet beautiful. But for all her beauty, she was cold and stubborn, twisted and dark. Sansa knows they cannot fight the Night King without her firepower, but it does not stop her from wishing her away every single night.

“Sansa…?”

She shifts, blue eyes falling upon the man she’s only just been thinking of, surprised to see him there. “Jon,” she greets, holding her head just a little higher, a little straighter, peering back at him with what she hopes to be a mild sort of expression (he notes, to himself of course, that she’s frowning in a way that sends shivers down his spine.

“I’ve been looking for you,” he says next, taking another step closer, so close now that she could reach for him with little effort. “You missed supper.”

And he knows exactly why.

“I wasn’t hungry,” she says, not really a lie- sitting in the same room as the dragon queen made her sick. “And I had work to attend to.” Also, not really a lie, considering the dragons had demolished a flock of sheep just yesterday and she was arranging compensation for the family. “I’m certain I wasn’t missed,” she adds with a little more venom than she intends. It hits all the same.

Jon winces as if she’s struck him, sighing softly. He knows he’s the reason for her anger and there is a part of him that wants only to tell her the truth, to come clean with every last detail. But then again… He knows she would be safer this way. Should things go badly in the end, at least she would be spared for his folly. Now if only he could spare her for hers- something tells him that she would fall victim to Daenerys’ wrath on her own if she wasn’t careful. All the more reason for him to do as he was. “Your lords missed you,” he says instead of any other thing he might, watching as her face changes, the slightest flicker of disappointment crossing her features. It’s gone as quickly as it came, leaving him to wonder if he’d only just imagined it. “And you must eat, it won’t do anyone any good if you fall ill, Sansa. Your people need you strong for the days ahead-”

“Spare me the lecture,” she cuts him off, rolling her blue eyes, turning away so he cannot see the tears gathering in her eyes. Why, why, why… They stand there in silence for what feels like a lifetime, neither one able to give in, until finally she hears the distinct sound of his retreating footsteps.

He’s walking away and she just can’t fault him for that.

She wonders just how long it would be until they got back what they once had, if they even ever could. She wonders if he’d even want back what they once had. And she wonders why she’s so desperate to have it at all. What she and Jon had before… Even she knew it was not the same thing that other siblings had, half blood or not. There was something different between them. Something stronger than she’d ever felt before, something that felt more real than anything else ever had. But now it was gone and she supposes that was of her own doing. She was the jealous one, for all of Daenerys’ faults, in the end, in the deepest depths of her soul, Sansa knows that she hates her out of jealousy. She was jealous of her beauty and her pretty violet eyes and most of all, she was jealous of the love Jon held for her. Love she once thought might have been hers, was someone else’s and she hates herself for the way that hurts. She hates herself for ever thinking it could be hers in the first place.

A tear streaks her cheek, and she wipes it away, sucking in a breath, squaring her shoulders against the weight of it all. She tells herself all would be well, over and over again until finally, even she begins to believe the lie.

#jonsa #actuallyjonsa #jon x sansa #jonsa angst #my writing #i wrote this

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mi-rae07 · 9 months

Note

Hi it's me again 🤭 Hope everything is alright! If you do take requests still and like the idea, I thought about Hongjoong or Jongho neglecting their relationship, like always being out with anyone else and always at work, eventually lashing out at their partner's last desperate attempts to save the relationship and finally realising what they've lost after months? 👀💕

Choi Jongho : Regret (Part 1/2)

Pairing : Choi Jongho (Ateez) and named character (Na Jieun)

_______________

Jieun : jongho? When are you coming home?

Jieun could hear the sounds of party music and people laughing from the other end of the phone, her hands clenching against the couch fabric as she realized her boyfriend was probably at some party. He had time to go to a party but not being with her?

Jongho : jieun why do you keep calling me every 5 minutes asking me the same exact question! I told you I'd be late so just go to sleep.

Jieun : but what time does 'late' mean?

Jongho : oh lord, do whatever you want but please stop calling me.

Before jieun could reply jongho had already cut the call. Jieun sighed, throwing her phone away as she closed her eyes. She missed him, but she supposed he didn't anymore.

______________________

A week ago :

Jieun : jongho I need to talk to you.

Jongho : not now I'm tired.

Jieun : I don't care-

Jongho : for god's sake it's 2 in the morning, jieun. Give me a break.

Jieun : why do you not have time for me anymore?

Jongho turned around, facing jieun with a frown as he asked

Jongho : what?

Jieun : you never have time for me, but you have time to go around with your other celebrity friends. You never have time for me but you have time to sneak around the company with the other members. You never have time for me but you have the time to attend birthday parties and wedding invites, all without me.

Jongho : what exactly are you trying to say?

Jieun stood up, walking up to jongho as she said

Jieun : what I'm saying is, maybe you're embarassed of me.

Jongho scoffed, looking away as he muttered in disbelief

Jongho : this has to be a joke.

Jieun : is that a yes, then?

Jongho : are you stupid, jieun? You think I told my parents and friends that I was dating you because I was embarassed of you? Bought you flowers every week for a year because I missed our one month anniversary because I was embarassed of you? You think I wear your hairband around my wrist every time I go for a function because I'm fucking embarassed of you?

Jieun pressed her lips together as she realized she'd forgotten about all of that. She'd focused on the bad and forgotten about the good, like she almost always did.

Jieun : I'm sorry, I just overthought-

Jongho : no you aren't sorry. Because you'll keep thinking this, you'll keep doubting me and you'll never stop doing it.

Jieun : jongho-

Jongho : all I ever do is work for us, jieun. Every day I go out there, making music and putting it out thinking about you, about our future. I worry for you every day, so I try my best not to give up on this stupid life. And I think, oh when I come back home and see the person I'm doing all this for, she might just give me a kiss and hold me in her arms while I go to sleep. But no, instead you're out here accusing me of being embarrassed about us.

Jieun looked at jongho with teary eyes as he stepped back, his eyes now distant and closed off as he whispered

Jongho : I'm going to sleep, and please, don't come after me.

___________________________

Present time :

After that jieun didn't want to escalate things further, so she'd kept quiet as jongho went through the same cycle once again, every day. He'd go before she was awake and would come back very late. When she'd try to talk with him, jongho would say he didn't have the time for it and would leave immediately. Even during holidays jongho was working, always, fucking, working.

Jieun was an orphan, who grew up in an orphanage where she had no friends. Back in school she used to be the quiet shy kid so even there she'd make no friends. Jieun had no idea how she'd found jongho and had fallen in love with him but he was the single best thing in her life. Apart from him she had no one, no life. She was all alone in the world.

And now jongho was so far away from her, even while being so close to her. She wanted to just leave.

_______________________

2 weeks later :

Jongho stumbled into his house from how tired he was, looking forward to the week of holidays after this one where he'd get to do…nothing. Jongho let out a tired sigh as he took his shoes off, throwing it away before walking towards the living room. His vision felt dizzy, but he was going to try and find jieun. And soon enough he did, because jieun's voice cut through the dark surrounding, almost scaring jongho

Jieun : finally home?

Jongho : as you can see.

Jieun : I wanted to tell you something, I was waiting for you.

Jongho let out a breath, already feeling even more tired as he muttered

Jongho : not again.

Jieun : don't worry jongho, this will be the last time, I promise.

Jongho frowned as jieun walked closer towards jongho, her eyes glittering against the dim lights as jongho's heart dropped.

Jongho : no why are you-

Jieun : I'm leaving.

Jongho : w-what?

Jieun : why are you so surprised? You should've known your actions would have consequences, jongho. You should've known our relationship was breaking down when I was the only one fighting for us.

Jongho : no, no our relationship hasn't broken down-

Jieun : how would you know, huh? How would you know when you barely even look at me anymore!

Jongho tried holding jieun's hand as he said

Jongho : no listen to me-

Jieun : do you have a proper reason, jongho?

Jongho : jieun I told you before, that I am doing this for our betterment. I'm not going to have enough money to take care of you if I don't work like this.

Jieun : I don't care about money, jongho! I want you.

Jongho scoffed, looking away as he said

Jongho : you're being so selfish.

Jieun : I'm being selfish?

Jongho : yes! You don't go for work, and neither do you cook or clean at home. You're not bringing any money back home, jieun. So all of that burden falls on me, and all I've been trying to do, is fulfill your requirements without even taking a break for myself.

Jieun : so if I cook and clean, are you going to spend more time with me?

Jongho : that is not what I'm saying, jieun. God you don't even seem to understand me!

Jieun : and what about all those parties you attended? Were those for our betterment as well?

Jongho : I do that in order to maintain relationships with them, jieun. I do that so I can make use of their resources in the future!

Jieun scoffed as she muttered

Jieun : you make no sense.

Jongho : I wouldn't to you, you don't know anything about the outside world anyway.

Jieun stared at jongho, trying her best to keep the tears at bay as jongho breathed heavily from all the arguing they'd done.

Jieun : so…so what you're saying is that I'm selfish, I don't bring anything to the table, I'm being immature, unaware, and what, not understanding enough. Is that it?

Jongho : jieun-

Jieun : if you think all of that about me then it means our relationship has already broken down, jongho. This is useless now, and tomorrow morning, I will take my leave.

Jongho stared at jieun as she continued

Jieun : because then you can find someone who'd better suit your standards of living, find someone who's more understanding, mature and can deal with your bullshit. Because I definitely can't anymore.

Saying that jieun walked away, banging the guest room door shut behind her. And the next morning when jongho had woken up, she was already all gone.

____________________________

3 weeks later :

Jongho stared blankly into the recording studio computer, his thoughts going back for the nth time that day to jieun. He felt empty, his house felt empty with all her things gone, and his heart felt empty. He missed her, her touches, her voice, her warmth, her presence. He had no idea why he hadn't stopped her from leaving, but he guessed that at that point even if he were to have said something she still would've left him. Their relationship had been too scarred for him to fix it then.

But he still loved her, even though he'd tried drowning his feelings in a thousand bottles of soju, it still hadn't worked. Jongho knew where to find jieun, but did she want to see him? Would she hate him more if she were to find him at her doorstep?

Mingi : yah! Are you listening to me jongho!

Jongho blinked his eyes, coming back to reality as he looked at mingi who was standing right next to his chair with concerned eyes

Mingi : jongho? What did I last say?

Jongho looked at mingi as if he were in a daze before saying

Jongho : uh, what?

Mingi sighed, plopping down on the chair next to jongho before saying

Mingi : what is wrong with you?

Jongho : nothing. I'm just worried about work.

Mingi : work as in Na Jieun?

Jongho : is it that obvious?

Mingi : very. Jongho if you're this worried about her how about you meet with her?

Jongho : I can't, she hates me.

Mingi : did she tell you that?

Jongho : basically.

Mingi rolled his eyes, leaning back against the chair before saying

Mingi : we can't have you like this, jongho. You're not concentrating anymore, and everyone is concerned.

Jongho : I'm sorry I'll try better-

Mingi : that's not what I'm trying to say jongho-ya. I'm saying you need to fix things with her so you can concentrate on work when you can.

Jongho : but that's exactly the reason why she left me, hyung. Because I concentrated too much on work.

Mingi : well if I were to have a partner who gave more importance to their work and other social events over me, I'd leave them too.

Jongho looked up at mingi as he stood up, patting jongho's shoulder before saying

Mingi : learn to balance, jongho. If you can't, then you're just going to have to lead a very miserable life.

_____________________

2 days later :

Jongho walked towards the Han river bridge at 2 in the morning, his hands tucked deep inside his coat jacket as his eyes darted around the place aimlessly. He couldn't sleep, and he supposed getting fresh air would work. As he looked at the bridge a few meters away from him jongho suddenly thought of the time jieun had forced jongho to come along with her to this bridge a year ago, wanting to see the new year fireworks with him. Jongho had had a concert that same day and was too tired, but seeing jieun's excitement he couldn't refuse.

And then when jongho had seen jieun's eyes sparkling at every firework that burst in the sky, her giggles as the big clock strung 12, and the butterflies jongho had felt when jieun hugged him and wished him happy new year, it had made all his pain worth it. Jongho couldn't stand the next day, but even then he'd still have chosen to come to the bridge that day.

Now new year was a few months away from him, and he had no jieun to go along with him to the fireworks this time. But as jongho got on the bridge his eyes landed on a figure that was leaning against the railing, having a sip of a convenience store-bought banana milk.

Jongho : jieun?

Jieun quickly turned around at that voice, her eyes growing distant at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in front of her. Of course, looking tired as always.

Jieun : yes.

Jongho : what are you doing here so late?

Jieun : why does it matter to you?

Jongho : because this is dangerous, jieun. Someone could do something to you-

Jieun : look around, jongho, there's people all around us. No one's going to do anything to me. Now leave me alone.

Jongho : I'm sorry.

Jieun said nothing, turning back around to face the water as she took another sip of the banana milk.

Jongho : we could try again, jieun. I could try to be better-

Jieun : I already gave you that chance, jongho. Countless times I did and yet you kept going back to what you were before. I'm not going through this shit again.

Jongho : but we love each other, jieun-ah. Isn't this what we do?

Jieun scoffed, shaking her head as she said

Jieun : that is old news, jongho. We don't love each other anymore.

Jongho : I do.

Jieun : well then it's too late.

Jieun threw the empty banana milk carton to the trash before saying

Jieun : because I don't.

Jieun turned around as she gave jongho one last look before walking past him. And jongho could only stare at her disappearing figure, small tears in his eyes. He was right after all, she didn’t love him anymore.

__________________________

Jieun came back home the next evening after a day of work at the city corporation where she'd worked before jongho, feeling like she wanted to just lie somewhere on the floor in her apartment and sleep. But just as she was about to walk past the security gate a man rushed up to her with a boquet of flowers, making jieun frown as she asked

Jieun : ahjussi?

??? : this is for you, jieun-shi. A handsome young man came by a few hours ago and asked me to give it to you when you came back.

Jieun let out a breath, realizing it was from jongho. Jieun smiled and took the flowers from the security before saying

Jieun : thank you so much, ahjussi.

Just as she was about to leave the security said

??? : the young man seems to be very much in love with you, miss. I had a lady too, once. The look in his eyes are the same as what I'd seen in my own decades ago. Love is pure, and eternal. Please don't give up on it.

Jieun smiled, taking a single flower out from the boquet before handing it out to the security as she said

Jieun : I'm sure she loved you as much as you loved her, ahjussi. And I'm sure she always will.

The security smiled, tears in his eyes as he took the flower from jieun's hand before whispering

??? : thank you, miss.

Jieun smiled, giving a small bow to the security before walking away. She looked at the boquet of flowers filled with blue roses and baby's breath, her favorite flowers. There was also a small note inside that read

"I'm sorry, I love you"

Jieun sighed, taking her phone out as she quickly texted jongho

Jieun : don't send me flowers again.

Jongho : no.

Jieun : what?

Jongho : I'm going to keep sending you flowers, jieun.

Jieun : I'll throw it away, in that case.

Jongho : then throw them away, that's not going to stop me anyway.

Jieun let out a groan, throwing her phone back into her bag as she stepped into the lift. Jieun knew there was no point in telling jongho, he wouldn't stop.

_______________________________________

3 weeks later :

Seonghwa : jongho-ya?

Jongho looked up from his computer, his eyes falling onto a worried looking seonghwa as he said

Jongho : yes?

Seonghwa : the CEO wants to talk to you.

Jongho frowned, standing up as he said

Jongho : is something wrong?

Seonghwa : I think so?

Jongho sighed, nodding his head as he walked towards the CEO's room. As soon as he entered the man's eyes sharpened, motioning jongho to sit down on the sofa.

Jongho : is something wrong, sir?

??? : it's been a month, jongho. A month since you've been slacking on work. You're not the same as before, the dance tutors told me that you barely even attend classes anymore, and when I asked the producers they haven't gotten any new work from you either. And then I asked your manager, but he said you haven't had any promo shoots lately as well. So if not any of these, choi jongho, what else are you doing?

Jongho sighed, already having known he would have to face this someday soon. Between trying to make up to jieun by sending her gifts and flowers everyday, and trying to drown his feelings for her jongho had forgotten about work.

Jongho : I'm sorry, sir. I've just been a bit distracted-

??? : except we can't afford that from you, jongho. You're an idol for god's sake, start acting like it. The world tour is going to be scheduled next year and the group album is going to come out within due time. It's high time you start getting to work, or I'm afraid things are not going to end well for you.

Jongho nodded, his hands clenching against his shirt fabric as he said

Jongho : I'll get back to usual, sir, this won't happen again.

??? : it better not.

______________________

Jongho stumbled into the 8th floor of jieun's apartment, half drunk. He already knew jieun wouldn't let him in, but even then, he wanted to see her. He had had a bad day, and all he wanted was to see her face just once, or even hear her voice. Otherwise he was afraid he wouldn't be able to go any longer.

Jongho rang the doorbell of jieun's apartment, the door opening just slightly a few minutes later as jieun's sharp voice cut through the air

Jieun : what are you doing here?

Jongho smiled, leaning against the wall as he whispered

Jongho : I missed your voice, eunnie.

By the use of that nickname jieun had known jongho was drunk, and a drunk jongho was a vulnerable one. Jieun let out a breath as she said

Jieun : did you seriously have to get drunk like this? Couldn't you ask your manager to take you back home after you had alcohol, jongho?

Jongho : I am home, eunnie. You are my home, where else would I be.

Jieun closed her eyes, opening the door wider as jongho fell right into her arms, almost knocking her off of her feet.

Jieun : god you're heavy.

Jongho smiled as jieun closed the door behind them, dragging jongho's half-limp body to the couch before laying him down on it. Jongho stared up at jieun with heart eyes as she removed his shoes, keeping them away before putting his legs properly onto the couch.

Jieun : this is just for one night, because it's too late and I can't drive you back home and you're too drunk to be outside. Leave first thing tomorrow morning, you get me?

Jongho : you're being so cruel, jieun-ie. Do you really have to do this to me?

Jieun : you did this to yourself, jongho.

Jongho let out a shaky breath, holding his hand out for jieun to hold as he whispered

Jongho : won't you at least hold me?

Jieun looked at jongho's hand, not having it in her to hold it. Jongho inhaled shakily, small tears in his eyes as he said

Jongho : I missed you, jieun-ah. I missed you so much and I regret not having gone after you.

Jieun : and you realized that only after I left you, jongho?

Jongho lowered his hand back down, staring at jieun with hurt eyes as she sighed, throwing a blanket over jongho before saying

Jieun : I don't want to see you again like this, so don't let it happen.

Saying that jieun quickly walked away, tears in her own eyes. Jongho shut his eyes tightly as he felt jieun close the door behind her, tears streaming down his own cheeks as he mumbled

Jongho : but I love you.

________________________

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starogeorgina · 5 months

Text

𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬

Pairing: Harwin Strong x Targ oc

Warnings: Character death

3.07

Vaegon’s brows pull together as you walk slowly through the outer yard, your hand resting on your lower back. His eyes are full of concern. Your sons were of an age where they started to understand the dangers of pregnancy and labor but were still too embarrassed to ask you about it.

“My mother used to tell me discomfort is how we serve the realm,” you say softly. “I had no idea what she truly meant until I was pregnant with you and Aerion, but the discomfort is completely normal. It’s just our bodies changing to make room for the baby.”

“Is it painful?”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about, my sweet; besides, it’s completely worth it.” You squeezed his shoulder with your free hand, but Vaegon still didn’t look convinced. “If women didn’t endure childbirth, then we would never have our children, and I would be without the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Feeling light drops of water on your face, you look up. The ride over from Dragonstone has been peaceful, but since you landed, the sky has become much murkier, and the sun is disappearing quickly behind the thick gray clouds.

You glance back at the knight walking not far behind. “You don’t need to come in if you don’t wish to; the meetings can be rather dull.”

“No, I think being the king's cupbearer would be an honor.”

You smile and stroke his cheek. “Very well then.”

Holding your head high, you enter the same room you have been in countless times, yet you feel as if you don’t belong.

—

It was hard for you to read the expressions of the small council members, especially when they seem to be sleeping with their eyes open after rehashing the same issue over and over again. It was clear Alicent was the ruling force during these meetings, and although many times she was right when it came to saving money for the realm, she left no room for negotiation.

You attempt to hide a yawn with the back of your hand, but it is poorly done. Alicent narrows her eyes and asks, “Are the overcrowded cells not enough of a threat to keep you awake, princess?”

“I recall how tired you were towards the end of each pregnancy,” your father chuckles. “As is the case with most women.”

“I say cut their cocks off and be done with it.”

While a few of the lords nodded in agreement, Alicent scoffs, “That is the type of barbaric method I would expect to hear from Daemon.”

“It was Prince Daemon, the former commander of the gold cloaks, who suggested it many years ago; however, since his methods have stopped, the crime level has risen. And I don’t see how permanently taking away the weapon of men who commit the most heinous acts to stop them from repeating them is any more barbaric than cutting the hands of little children who only stole a loaf of bread so that they wouldn’t starve to death.”

Alicent grinds her teeth. “Then please, share what great solution to these problems you have conjured while sitting comfortably upon the throne of Dragonstone.”

“I don’t sit upon the throne; that is my sister’s seat. As will my fathers be one day.” Alicent rolls her eyes, and you tilt your head to look directly at your father, who looked less than impressed. “These men have been charged with being rapists and will remain a threat to the people of King's Land. Give them two options: they can have their cocks cut off and go north, or they can be put to the sword. The night’s watch is always looking for new blood, and the lords of Winterfell will be thankful for the extra men.”

You pause when Vaegon refills Alicent’s cup for her, and her hateful gaze burns into him. When he goes to refill the kings, your father smiles at him and says, “Good lad.”

“As for the children stealing, Lord Lyonel informed me that nearly all of them are from orphanages. If the crown isn’t feeding the poor, then it’s us who have failed.” Alicent opens her mouth to cut in, but you continue before she can. “Princess Rhaenyra has hired a stonemason to build ovens and will have fresh bread made every morning that will be delivered to the orphanages, and whatever is left will be given to the hungry living on the streets.”

“That is the most hono-”

“And how much will this cost the crown?” Alicent asks, cutting the lord who was speaking off.

“It will cost nothing, your grace. The stonemason did it in exchange for his daughter being allowed to assist the dragon keepers in the dragon pit from time to time. She is fascinated by our dragons.”

Alicent raises her eyebrows, challenging you silently.

“It will be the dragon riders on Dragonstone who will fly back and forth to the docks of the keep with the food from the bakery, and hopefully in the future, fresh fruit and vegetables as well.”

“Very well then,” your father smiles. “We will go forth with the ideas Princess Vaella has put forward. What is next?”

“The Stepstones are under threat again, your grace,” Jasper Wylde, master of law, says. “The pirates are taking root, and we must act as a matter of urgency.”

A sense of dread comes over you. “Many good knights died while defeating Craghas Drahar and his army. My king, you cannot allow this to happen again. Seasmoke and Varos are all familiar with the territory; I shall speak to Ser Laenor when I return home, and I will send a raven to my uncle.”

“Would you not fly out, yourself this time, princess?” The maester asks.

“Not while I’m with a child. Vhagar will most likely follow Caraxes, and hopefully the sight of the largest dragon in the world will be enough to sway anyone foolish enough to try and reclaim the stepstones for themselves.”

The council meeting continues until your father eventually ends it, after covering each subject brought up even though he didn’t seem fully satisfied with the solutions. Just as the lords were rising from their seats, a low rumbling came from outside, and a plume of fire was seen above.

“It’s Aegon returning on Sunfyre and Helaena on Dreamfyre!” Vaegon runs to the window and looks up. Excitedly, he asks, “Mother, may I go to the dragon pit?”

You wanted to say yes, knowing how disappointed he was when he never saw the other dragons when you arrived, but you didn’t feel it was safe for him to go alone, and the majority of the knights and you needed to speak to your father. “I’m afraid—”

“Forgive me, princess,” Ser Tyland says. “But I can escort my nephew to the dragonpit. I’ve been dying to see Nightmare and Ashwing.”

Ser Tyland looks genuinely intrigued as he walks to the door with your son. Just as the knight opens the door for them to leave, Alicent takes a gulp of wine and then asks, “Why those names?”

You weren’t sure who the question was directed at, but Vaegon answered. “I cannot recall why my brother chose that name for his dragon, your grace, but I named my dragon Nightmare because of Ser Harwin.”

Your breath catches in your throat.

“Ser Harwin?”

“Yes, your grace. My stepfather thought he was having a nightmare when he woke during the night and saw something black moving in my crib. He had never seen a baby dragon before and got a fright.”

You smile at the memory; it was one of the few times you’d ever seen Harwin look terrified. The look on his face when you insisted it was cute watching the dragon sleep beside your son and go back to bed was priceless. To you, it was normal, as you used to sleep with your dragon as a baby, but Harwin wasn’t convinced and spent the full night watching over the cribs, doing the same thing when Ashwing hatched.

The queen gives him a doubtful look. “Ser Harwin just happened to be checking on your nursery during the late hours of the night when your dragon hatched?”

“All my children sleep in my bedchambers until they have grown out of their cribs.” You look past her and smile at your son and Ser Tyland. “You better go now if you wish to catch your uncle and auntie before they leave the dragonpit.”

—

Your father makes small talk while the room is cleared, and when it is empty, he cuts straight to the point. “How are the king's hand and his son-in-law holding up?”

“They are both devastated. And I’m afraid Lord Lyonel might not recover from this, and you may need to find yourself a new hand.”

Visibly upset Your father sighs into his hand. “He is a loyal man, a good hand. Lord Lyonel will be difficult to replace.”

“I hope I’m wrong, and he does recover from this.”

“I thought he was no longer ill. The raven Rhaenyra sent suggested he was on the mend.”

“He is no longer physically ill, but mentally, I see him giving up. I hoped being around Harwin and his granddaughter would give him motivation, but he’s sinking deeper into depression.” You take a deep breath as the feeling of dread returns. “Father I… I saw the fire at Harrenhal in a dream years ago. That's why we never returned.”

His face crinkles with concern. “What? You never told me this before.”

“I saw my husband burning in the flames, screaming for his father. So I forbid Harwin from going back; that is why he and his father changed course and returned to Dragonstone. But the same night I had that vision, I had another. I believe it was a prophecy of some kind; on my Valyrian steel, it was written in our mother tongue that my son would be a bringer of blood and flames. I think there is war upon us.”

“Vaella…”

“I’ve been terrified all these years,” you admit. “I never told Harwin because I didn’t want to burden him; he loves those boys as if they were his own. He would gladly give them his house name. and I just never knew how to tell him. Every time I pray, I pray to see which son it is so I can change it and keep them safe.”

“Do you know when this war will start?”

“No, I don’t. This is why it’s so important that if Lord Lyonel doesn’t return to his post, you seek Corlys Velaryon to be your new hand. He is of our blood. He will help keep my children safe, as well as Jace, Luke, and Joff.”

“I think this is premature.”

You reach for his hand and say, “I believe there are vipers hiding amongst the grass, and we will most likely cut them off at the head before they can spread any more venom.”

“And what poison are you alluding to?”

Tears swell in your eyes; you could see it plain as day written on your father's face that he wants to listen to you. “Do not allow Otto Hightower to return to your council; this I beg of you. We spoke of crimes earlier, yet you haven’t addressed the crime of treason. What of those who call Rhaenyra’s sons bastards?”

He wipes your fallen tears away. “I will cut out the tongue of any man or woman who dares say such a thing.”

—

Walking down towards the dragonpit, you feel deflated, knowing your father was blinded by his devotion to his wife to see how the greens plotted against Rhaenyra. You speed up your steps as you smile politely to the lords and ladies you pass. The knight escorting you insisted you slow down; you just needed to leave the red keep.

When you reach the bottom of the staircase, you see Ser Tyland speaking with some other lords. You were confused as to how they made it to the Hill of Rhaenys and back so fast. “Ser Tyland?”

“Princess,” he says. “Prince Vaegon’s dragon is a lot larger than I believed. It must be true what they say about the magic in Dragonstone.”

“Did you travel to the dragonpit?” You ask, trying to catch sight of Vaegon.

“No, when we went outside to the courtyard, Nightmare was flying overhead, so we watched from there. A rare sight indeed.”

Nightmare usually comes and goes from the dragonpit in Dragonstone whenever she wants, so it was expected she’d do so in the keep. You quickly glance around and ask, “Where is my son?”

“With Prince Aegon. He returned shortly after we went outside and went off with him.”

“I just passed my brother in the hallway; my son was not with him.”

Your heart races as you frantically search for any sign of your missing son. Fear grips you like a vice, making it difficult to breathe as you call out for Vaegon. You rush through the different hallways, ignoring Ser Tyland as he calls after you. You feel this new terror could consume you until you spot the one knight in the keep you truly trust.

“Ser Harrold, Ser Harrold!”

He comes to an abrupt stop, as do the knights following behind him, “princess.”

“My son, Prince Vaegon, is missing.”

“You heard the princess; find the prince.” Ser Harrold waves a couple of ladies over. “See to it the princess is resting until we find the prince.”

—

You pace back and forth; fear and panic have a tight grip on your heart. You would not leave until he was found. Feeling a sudden heaviness, you sit with your head in your hands, rethinking your last conversation with Harwin before you leave.

“Stop,” you giggle, feeling your husband's hands roaming over your body. His hands move from your hips to cup your swollen breasts while kissing the back of your neck. “I’ll be leaving in a few minutes.”

“I can work with that,” he laughs.

“It will take more than ten just to remove my skirts,” you say, spinning around to face him. “I’m afraid you’ll need to wait until I return, and then we shall have all night.”

“Oh, it shall be a long wait.”

You peck at his lips and say, “But you’ll survive it.”

Since the night you first kissed Harwin, your desire for him has never ceased, nor has his for you. Over the years, you have become more obsessed with each other. Hearing footsteps approaching inside your rooms, you turn to face your son and ask, “Are you ready?”

He nods.

“Have a safe flight.” Harwin kisses you on the cheek, then goes over to Vaegon and pulls him in for a hug. “Be a good lad and look after your mother, eh?”

He nods again, but smiles this time and says, “I will.”

Your sweet, precious boy, you should never have let him out of your sight. You’d never forgive yourself if anything happened to him. When the door opens, your head snaps up and you look at the knight, whose face is still badly swollen and bruised from Harwin. “Ser Criston, has my son been found?”

“The prince has been located; he and princess Helaena are in Godswood.”

Tears fall as you get to your feet. You brush by Criston, and the other knights mumble a thank you before going to the godswood.

—

“My sweet boy!” You kiss your son on the head multiple times, trying your best not to cry again. “God be good; you had me so worried.”

“I’m sorry, mother; Princess Helaena wanted to show me her bug collection.” His eyes were full of regret. “I told Uncle Tyland I was going with her into the godswood; I thought it would be okay.”

Bloody Tyland.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, my sweet,” you sigh. “I just didn’t know where you went and got a fright.”

You look around, surprised that there aren’t any knights nearby. You watch your younger sister, who was happily sitting on the roots of the tree, playing without bugs, and smile softly. “Helaena, don’t you have a sworn protector?”

She doesn’t answer you because she's caught up in what she’s doing. You were desperate to leave, but don’t feel comfortable leaving Helaena alone outside. You place your hand on her shoulder and ask, “Sister, did a knight come out here with you?”

The young girl flinches at your touch. Tilting her head up, she says, “He’ll always fly but never run again.”

“Okay…”

“Three rivers; three dragon heads; weaving the colors of blue, red, green, black, and white. But no, he will never run again.”

—

The adrenaline from fear and panic was still fresh when you stepped into the great hall. Food was still being brought to the high table, and your family was still sitting around it. When you got closer, you noticed Rhaenyra and your cousin's absence. But Jacaerys and Lucerys were sitting with Aerion and Ada.

You motion for your son to go join his siblings, then look to Harwin. “Are my sister and Laenor not joining us?”

Harwin wraps his arms around you in a comforting embrace. He kisses the crown of your bed; his touch offers a small measure of solace amidst the overwhelming feeling that something terrible has happened.

“Harwin?”

He whispers into your ear so that the children don’t hear. “Rhaenyra is trying to console Ser Laenor. A raven arrived from Pentos.”

“Daemon?”

“I’m afraid Lady Laena has died during childbirth.”

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