#looks like I stressed myself and got overwhelmed by overthinking things for sure

[crimsonblackrose]

I think I finished the big deadline task early???? I think I’m done???? That doesn’t feel right? It’s not even late at night.

[seriesxwriting]

Let me show you who I really am

Pairing- Kol Mikaelson

Series- vampire diaries

Summary- usually you’d get quite a few boys ask you to prom, but not this year. Apparently they were all scared of your admirer who wanted you all to himself.

Warnings- kissing, vampire killing, mentions of blood, detailed description of killing.

“I can’t believe it was over a month since I posted- I apologise! I will try to be more active but sitting A levels has apparently hindered my ability to come up with ideas. Just bare with me <3”

It was finally the day of our school prom. I’d been stressing about what to wear, how to have my hair, what colour to use on my lips. But the biggest thing I was stressing about, was who I was going to go with. It’s not a flex but in the past I’ve had multiple offers from boys to go to dances or gatherings. But this time, nothing. Not one offer. I even went out my way asking hector wathe to come with me, seems we’d gone to a dance together last term. But he just shook his head and ran away from me. I would have been embarrassed if I wasn’t consumed with confusion about his behaviour.

So I gave up on the date thing, assumed I’d be going myself. But my girl’s picked me up, ditched their dates so they could come with me. Prom was about friendship anyway. Not a random boy I’d forget once I made a life for myself.

“Y/n? Is that you?” My mother called as I walked through the door. I smiled as she entered the hallway with a giant box in her arms. “This came for you sweetheart” she edged over to me passing the box into my arms. “What is it?” I questioned frowning. “We haven’t opened it, it’s private” she shrugged staring at the box. I could see her mind was racing with the possibilities of what could be inside. “Thanks mum” I swallowed joining in with her thinking myself. Who was it from. What was in it. I carried it up the stairs as my mum filtered back into the living room to watch whatever was on the tv. I put the box on my bed and then lifted the lid off it, curious about the details. There was a note on top of the white tissue paper.

“Saw this and it reminded me of you, thought you’d look good in it, like you do in everything” I whispered as I read it out to myself. My eyes flicked down to the bottom “from Kol” my eyes widened at the three letters of his name. Kol? Why would Kol send me a dress? What game was he playing? Sure id noticed his eyes lingering on me for a while too long before and noticed how his deep eyes compelled me to stare into them until I melted. But that doesn’t give him a reason to send me a dress. I placed the card on my bed and unwrapped the tissue paper. I pulled out this gorgeous emerald dress. It had a silver strip coming from the waistline all the way down the sides of the leg spilt. It looked as if they’d put the gems on by hand, one at a time taking precaution not to ruin or snag any part of it. The dress was slightly off the shoulders which would make my chest look great.

It was overwhelming. It must have cost a fortune. But here it was in my house, lying on my bed. All because of Kol? A Mikaelson was showing me more interest than any of the boys from school. He was supposed to be a sworn enemy, and because of that, I folded the dress back up and put it back in the box. I already had a dress. It was a lot simpler and less expensive but it was mine. And it wasn’t gifted to me by a deranged, gorgeous psychopath. No I meant a deranged, bloodthirsty, psychopath. Not gorgeous. I couldn’t have meant gorgeous. Putting the note back, I lifted the box putting it under my bed where no one would find it. I’d give it back to him if I ever got the chance. It wasn’t right to keep it let alone wear it. Plus I was running out of time overthinking this, I had to get ready.

I curled my hair after my shower and put on my red dress. It didn’t have sparkles on it, but it did have a cute leg slit and a nice tied up back. “Mum!! Can you come and do me up!!” I yelled out of my room. A minute or two later she came plodding up the stairs. She stopped in front of me smiling and her eyes filling up as she raised a finger to wipe her tear. “Oh y/n you look so gorgeous” she whimpered walking over to hug me. “Thanks mum” I whispered nuzzling my face into her neck with a grin across my cheeks. “Come on, let me tie the back” she smiled ushering me over to the mirror. “Oh- y/n have you noticed this rip?” She blinked looking at the back of me. “RIP?! Where!!” I turned around trying to have a look in the mirror. “Here?” She pointed looking stressed herself. “Oh god- what am I going to do- can you fix it?” I blinked at her in utter panic. “No- well yes- but not in time for your prom” she shook her head having a closer look at it. “Come on, I’ll need to work fast, you’ll only be a little late, take it off” she patted me on the back but I eyed the box sticking out from under my bed. “No- no it’s okay, I’ll wear something else” I blinked, not taking my eyes off it. “Something else? What else do you possibly have to wear to a prom?” She raised an eyebrow following my eyeline.

“I’ll meet you and dad downstairs, give me ten minutes” I smiled rubbing her shoulder. “Alright…” she trailed off leaving my room full of confusion. I didn’t move. I swallowed staring at the box. Would it be completely wrong to wear it? I had nothing else I could wear. Surely my friends would understand. I sighed walking over to it, clipping on the floor in my black heels. Taking it out from under my bed. I held it up over my body looking at it in the mirror. I put my head on one side thinking for a second. Before removing all the thoughts out of my head and putting it on. I walked down stairs to my parents sitting in the front room. Their eyes widened as I walked in. “Y/n! That dress is stunning where did you get it?” My mother gasped covering her mouth with her hand.

“It was a gift” I bit my lip not wanting to say anymore. “You look amazing darling, you’ll be the best dressed there” my dad smiled at me. With that the door bell rang. “That must be the girls” I smiled rushing out as fast as the dress would let me go. But when I opened the door the girls weren’t there. Kol was. He stood with his famous smirk, his hand held a big bunch of roses as his eyes looked me up and down. “So I was right, it does suit you” he joked, my jaw was ajar now staring at him. “What are you doing here- why are you wearing a suit and- why do you have flowers- why did you send me a dress?” I hissed coming outside closing the door so my parents wouldn’t hear us. “Because I’m taking you to prom” “erm- no you’re not!” I scoffed almost laughing. “You don’t have a date? So why can’t it take you?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“There are a number! Of reasons why you can’t take me to prom kol” I laughed before the realisation sank in. “How the hell do you know I don’t have a date?” I whispered frowning at him. His brown eyes slimmed on me as his smirk widened. “I may have sent out a message to some guys- that you were taken” he shrugged his shoulders. “What?” I blinked in disbelief, my breath hitched. “I want to take you, I don’t want other guys putting their hand on you” he told me slamming his eyebrows down. “You’re serious?” I asked him in a quiet voice. “You’re a vampire kol- you’ve hurt my friend- not only that you’re an original…” I trailed off holding the door handle. “And what?” He shrugged laughing. “I’m here aren’t I? I’m not lying I’m not causing trouble- a vampire can’t admit his feelings for a girl?”. “Feelings? For me? I’m just an ordinary human Kol” “you’re not ordinary y/n- you’re different from your friends, different from all humans” he smiled staring into my eyes. “How” I slimmed my eyes at him shaking my head not believing a word that came out of his mouth.

“You think you can put me on the spot y/n?” Kol chuckled to himself. “The way you carry yourself, the way you stick to your morals, your loyalty to those you love, your way of seeing the best in people even if they have hurt your friends- you’re out here talking to me, you could have stayed in your house in the safety- so you must be slightly intrigued or trust me slightly- just give me a chance y/n” he put his head to the side as I consumed everything he dumped on me. “I will protect you- treat you right- I just want a chance to show you who I really am, I don’t want anything more to do with klaus and his mess- let me show you that” he begged, I saw it in his eyes. He wasn’t lying, if he was he was a damn good lier. I wasn’t wearing vvraine so he could have compelled me but, he didn’t. “Okay- you have one night to make me feel anything but uncomfortable around you” I raised my eye brow at him reaching out for the flowers. I smiled at them clutching them between my arms. “I’m gonna grab my bag and text the girls to meet me there- you can wait here” I told him with a little smile warming up to the idea of Kol Mikaelson liking me. If he was a normal boy this would be so much easier, he was attractive- he was gorgeous. But he wasn’t normal, he’s a vampire who’s been around 1000 years longer than me.

I did as I said I would before saying goodbye to my parents. I met Kol outside his car where he opened the door for me before getting in his own side. He drove us to prom while keeping up basic conversation, which just intrigued me more. I wanted to know what he was up to. We got to the prom location in under twenty minutes. When no one was looking Kol vamp ran round to my side and opened my door for me. “Kol!” I hissed shaking my head. “Don’t do that you could get caught” I whispered as he put his hand out for me. I took it gently. “They wouldn’t be alive very long if they did catch me darling” he whispered in my ear as I stepped out. “I don’t want any killings here tonight, or I’ll never forgive myself” I widened my eyes at him. “Yes mam” he smirked leaning in closer to me. There wasn’t much room between my back and the car or my front and kol. “I can hear your heart racing darling” he whispered tucking my hair behind my ear. “Don’t worry, I won’t kiss you until you ask me to, and you will” he winked before stepping back and putting his arm out for me.

“You’re delusional” I giggled rolling my eyes taking his arm. We walked towards the enterance and kitty Renfeild stood outside with a camera. “Hey y/n- and y/n’s handsome date” she winked at Kol who completely blanked her without him even knowing I was looking at him. His arm wrapped around my waist and he whispered “going have to get a little closer now love” he pulled me into his body. The flick of jealously I felt from kitty’s comment was what I blamed my actions on. I pressed my body against him putting my other hand on Kols chest. I heard him chuckle as I posed for the photo. “Have fun” she told us after snapping the photo and in we went. There were lot of people here even though we were maybe ten minutes early. There were flashing lights and drink tables everywhere. People were already dancing to the shit music playing. “Has Kol Mikaelson ever been to a high school prom?” I asked him smiling up. “Oh I’ve been to my fair share of dances, balls and whatever was going on in the 1920s but never a prom” he laughed catching my eyes. “And I’ve never had such a gorgeous date to attend any of these events with” he winked. “Quite the charmer ain’t you” I nudged him gently.

“Y/n? What’s this all about?”. I look up and see Elena, Bonnie and Caroline all staring at me like I’m an alien. Or, staring at Kol like he’s an alien. “Hey girls…” I trailed off as my heart started pounding. Kol clearly picked up on it because his grip round my waist became tighter. “I can explain, I have a thing for y/n- have done ever since I laid my eyes on her and i decided now was the time to tell her” “what” Carolin blinked in horror. “He’s a Mikaelson y/n” Elena widened her eyes at me. “He doesn’t want to be involved anymore” I shook my head at her hoping they’d find some way to look at this differently. “You can’t trust him- he’s a vampire” Bonnie hissed at me, her face pulled into disgust. “Well that’s why I’ve braught him- to see if I can trust him” I told them with a little bit of a shrug. The girls all looked round at each other. “I’m done with all klaus’s shit, I want to prove that- not necessarily to you guys but to y/n” he told them blankly. “I’m sorry y/n, but I don’t like it” Elena stepped back before rushing off into the crowd. Kol rolled his eyes at her “she’s always so dramatic”. “I…” Caroline trailed off not knowing what to say in this situation.

“I’m going to get some air, will you be alright for a second” I tapped Kol on the bicep. “Yes gorgeous” he nodded brushing my hand with his. That made me smile. Even within this mess. My friends hated the idea of me and Kol being together, on a serious level. Elena was ready to cry about it. But what made it worse was the fact that I thought I was really starting to like him. He was charming, he was handsome, he was bold and confident. He was my type. I made it outside to the side of the tent and took a deep breath. I had two options here, to lose my friends and continue on with Kol- or leave him now. And that was a hard decision. “Y/n, i didn’t expect to see you here”. I whipped around seeing klaus standing opposite me. He had a girl in his arms and blood was dripping all down his chin. Her neck had been torn open. Klaus’s eyes illuminated orange as fear spread across my face. “Klaus- what have you done…” I whispered blinking at the lifeless girl.

“I came to create a massacre, I’d say I’m going to start with you but I’ve already started” he chuckled throwing the body on the floor. Klaus walked a few steps towards me while I took a few back hitting the tent behind me. “Why are you doing this?” I gasped as he vamp ran in front of me. I could smell the blood that was smothered across his mouth and T-shirt he was that close. “Because i simply can” he smirked reaching out for my hair. I pushed his hand away from me scrunching my face up. “That was stupid” his eyes lit up again as anger starting to corse through his veins. I saw his jaw tighten emphasising his anger. “It was stupid to come out alone anyway” he grunted and my last thought was about to be ‘klaus is right’. As he lunged forwards towards my neck his body got ripped away from me and he flew backwards hitting a tree with a thud. I pannted looking around before finally seeing my hero. Kol stood there scowling at his brother who was in the process of standing up. “She didn’t come alone brother” Kol raised his eyebrows. Once klaus stood up he flicked his eyes between us assessing the situation.

“A human?” Klaus chuckled from a distance. “I thought you were into witches” “I thought you were into Caroline but we all know how that worked out” Kol walked closer to me standing in front of me as if he was a shield. “What are you playing at Kol?” “I like her, and you aren’t going to touch a hair on her head without going through me” Kol answered folding his arms across his chest. Klaus laughed, it went right through me making my blood boil. “I could easily get through you” “so do it” Kol shrugged letting his arms lose once again. “I’m sure we will see each other real soon little brother” klaus nodded before vamp running away into the forest. Kol turned around and came to me fussing and checking I was okay. “Kol! I’m fine- do you realise how many people you just saved” I questioned almost weak from the shock of his protection. “I don’t care y/n, you are my priority, when you’re with me you will be safe I’ll make sure of it” he told me brushing a finger down my cheek. I felt my cheeks going red. He made me feel emotions I’d never felt towards a guy before.

I pushed my body against his and wrapped my arms slowly around his neck gently pulling his head down to meet mine. Our lips met, gently at first but then Kol gripped my waist, pulling me even closer to his body. There’s something about almost dying that makes you do crazy things. Life is short, and I want to try life with Kol. No matter the repercussions.

Kol masterlist

The vampire diarie masterlist

All series masterlist

Masterlist of Masterlists

[lxvebelle]

❪ ✦ ❫ 𝐀𝐒𝐌𝐑.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: grayson hawthorne x nb!reader

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: js thinkin about how grayson would secretly listen to quiet asmr to calm his overthinking at night

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: fluff, cuddling, asmr, headcanon, idk probably an unpopular opinion with grayson listening to asmr at night, pet name of love

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: idk

𝐀/𝐍: i know im not supposed to be making drabbles while im making my royalty series but still i couldnt help myself😞 plus probably an unpopular opinion with gray?? also the asmr arent those annoying ones hes very picky with his asmr choices bro like my dude will spend almost an HOUR lookin for one that he likes

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓. 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐖𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄.

𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃: ✓

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: @reminiscentreader @nqds @never-enough-novels @ilyiwdtpyiwmyhmtkys @evaswarner @sc11vb @sophiesonlinediary @starrynightsxo @f4iry-bell @his-littlefox @viivdle @aaron-warner @reyreadersblog @urbanflorals @imaseabear

just thinking about how GRAYSON HAWTHORNE would listen to asmr late at night to calm his thinking. when his thoughts became too much, when he started to slowly stress more and more.

he’d carefully make sure not to wake you up, even though you were up already whenever his breathing started to get unsteady, and get his phone before scrolling about youtube, looking at different asmr videos.

he carefully turned down his phone volume to not wake you up, clicking a video. he clicked out of it after seeing the previews, grumbling under his breath.

after a few indecisive choices and glaring at his phone, he finally picked a video that he liked. he carefully put his phone next to his ear, not wanting to move you from your head on his chest.

you knew about his secret habit of listening to asmr, letting it sooth him whenever everything got too much—when everything started to overwhelm him. you weren’t bothered by it.

even if you were, you didn’t tell him to stop. the noises from the video calmed him. you could tell his heartbeat started to slow down, his hand laying on yours on his chest.

he breathed in deeply and you nuzzled into his chest more, listening as his heart went back to his normal pace.

it wasn’t his fault he was like this, of course. you didn’t want to make it seem like he was to blame for his anxiety—hell, that was the last thing you wanted to do.

you were his rock—his anchor—aside from asmr, of course.

you hummed, before murmuring a “good night,” to the blond man. he blinked, looking down at you in slight shock. the tips of his lips lifted into a small smile.

“good night, my love,” he whispered back over the asmr video.

[wayfayrr]

Sage is up and on edge! what crimes will he commit?

(all of them, and reader will be none the wiser <3)

Part Two of this! Part three is Here!

Also if anyone wants to see Sage introduced to anything in particular feel free to ask, I've got a couple of ideas in mind but I'm curious what you guys think would be interesting. and as a heads up Sage is TotK link as a separate link from wild

"Earth? The place you mentioned when you were talking about your home? That earth?"

"Yeah. That earth. My home actually, lucky as those odds are. so uhh, any questions? I know you’re probably as overwhelmed being here as I was when I first ended up in Hyrule; I won’t be afraid to answer anything."

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone’s face switch between emotions as rapidly as his in that moment, I don't even think it would be possible to be any faster. Shock, surprise, anger, and a few more that I can’t put my finger on before settling on pride?

It’s as good a guess as any for what he’s feeling right now, especially considering he looks like a smug cat. Granted he’s not outwardly panicking now which is an improvement whether that’s due to me offering to answer questions or due to me knowing where we are is up for debate.

"And I’m the only link here?"

…Unless you count the links in the games, not like I’m getting into that.

"Certainly seems that way doesn’t it? Hopefully, they’re not panicking badly."

You know what?

I was wrong. 

His face could switch even quicker, seemingly because I shoved the equivalent of a lemon into his mouth before he regained his composure. Blink and you’ll miss it moment really. I could question it, but right now? It's not worth my stress. 

I'm sure he’s just overwhelmed, right? 

"Oh don’t be worried [name], they’re heroes of legend. They already have Hylia looking over them. They’ll survive without you."

Okay then, he’s stressed. Of course he is, I know I was when this was all flipped. Just so happens that his way of destressing is by speaking bitterly about the others, so it’s probably worth it to change the conversation completely rather than get into it while he’s overwhelmed.

"... You’re probably right. I’m overthinking things."

Huh.

Didn’t think that would calm him as much as it did. Seems being alone with him, when we aren’t in his Hyrule at least, lets him show his true colours more easily. I wish I could say it calmed me as well.

Relaxing would be nice right now however I’ve still got a stupid number of notifications to respond to, to figure out how to respond to. Before people start getting suspicious; before they start asking questions; before someone recognises him.

It's fine, there’s time to pull myself together, to sort everything out. Sage doesn't need to have me panicking while he’s adjusting. He deserves someone stable after everything he’s gone through, and I can be that. I know I can, I just need to buy myself some time to think, to clear my head.

"It might be an idea to get you some clothes while you adjust. You should be able to fit into some of mine, they’ll do for a bit at least."

"You’d let me... You would let me wear your clothes?"

He would be mortified if he saw the look on his face now, what with him fawning like a lovestruck puppy. There wasn’t even a single hope in attempting to hold back my laugh while dragging him to my room. 

"What else could I do? It’s not like you can stay in those all the time. Take whatever you want, something in there is bound to fit you."

"Whatever I - Thank you."

If I wasn't so unnerved by how he was acting a couple of moments earlier? I’d be melting at how cute he’s being. But that raw visceral hatred in his eyes when I brought up the other heroes, even though it only lasted for a split second?

No. 

Worry about that later [name]. Focus on helping him adjust and to readjust yourself. Stop reading too deeply into things.

Luckily, it worked how I wanted it to. Sage is distracted for the minute giving me a chance to look over any messages and hopefully catch myself back up to speed. There can’t be much to have missed in less than a day though. Nothing that time-sensitive either. 

A bundle of clothes shoved into my face wasn’t exactly what I thought would snap me out of dredging through messages and playing catch-up; it’s a clear tell he’s found something he's pleased with.

"These are mine now."

"Huh - okay, I guess?? Are you going to change into them or just stand there?"

Have I done something wrong??

He's never looked at me like this before, I can't tell what he's thinking. 

"Do you want me to get changed into them here?"

"What!? No, I meant - Not here! You can change in the bathroom, you can have a shower as well then. You really need one…"

Seems he got his payback about me laughing at him earlier though, with how red my face is. Even if he did look a bit confused about my comment.

Wordlessly taking his hand in mine after regaining my composure, I led him to the bathroom; gave him a quick rundown of everything; then left him to sort himself out after I was confident he could manage.

To be fair to Sage it’s not like I don’t also need one, Hyrule’s hygiene left a lot to be missed. Soap, hot running water and even a soft towel sound like bliss. 

Between Freshening up with some clean clothes; reminding myself that nothing has expired here despite feeling otherwise; preparing a couple of drinks, and shifting back into this mundane life feels almost overwhelming. If Sage weren’t here with me I’d be going insane, doubting anything and everything that happened in Hyrule.

But he is here, and I’ve not gone insane. Not yet at least.

There’s not exactly any harm in waiting around and enjoying some luxury either though. Physics isn’t advanced to the point of having portals nor do we have magic to do it; waiting is our sole option to get back Hyrule and the chain.

Has Sage wrapped his arms around my waist!? When did he even get out of the shower? Have I really been so lost in thought and oblivious?

"You’re sure nothing here has been tampered with at all, I wouldn’t put it past the shadow. I still have supplies you can use, we shouldn’t risk anything."

"I well- it should be fine, shouldn’t it? If the shadow wanted us dead, it would’ve killed us outright when it had that chance, surely?"

"Um, also Sage, mind if I ask why you’re holding me like this?"

He sounds so tired and defeated, it’s hard not to drop everything for him at the slightest chance to ease his burdens. While a quiet groan then being tugged closer to him, at any other time would have flustered me again, is concerning given that portal could have affected him in any number of ways. 

"The gloom’s actin’ up like the portal did something. I'm just… You don’t mind do you?"

"Oh Lavender, do you want to take my bed for a bit, or at the very least sit-down? I should have some painkillers around here somewhere." 

Must be agonising if he’s like this seeing as he's not willing to go into detail, to set aside his fear of being vulnerable, nor is he willing to let go of me despite the promise of painkillers. He’s got me wrapped around his finger like this; it wouldn’t surprise me if he knew either.

"Hold me? Please?"

"Of course, I’ll hold you. Although wouldn’t you rather sit somewhere comfortable?"

Now he’s not even bothering to speak, only whining quietly while he clutches me tighter in his embrace. Therefore it was a simple choice to lay him against me as I sat down, giving him unspoken permission to rest his head on me.

Oddly enough with how he’s got his face against me…

I could have sworn he was smirking.

[cherrykitkat]

5am time to think abt stealth at thorbe parg

n my relationship wit rollercoasters

gonna be going on the 26th & like. so at thorpe i now only have 2 rides left til I've done em all(stealth n colossus)

i think my last visit to towers which was. 3 days straight got me a bit more okay with lift hills(hate the anticipation, family had to peer pressure me onto oblivion...but i did smiler abt 3 times that weekend? that one especially helped get me used to vertical lifts, i remember my first time riding saw i absolutely HATED the lift)

and once again a thanks to towers for getting me more alright with launches. dug into the depths of my memory to realise my first ever coaster was xpress at walibi holland(a launch), but back then i. absolutely hated it. eyes closed actually crying the whole time(tho i did get a taste of adrenaline...the little junkie in me had not yet hatched however) but yeah rita was my most recent memory with a launch and i gotta say. i like it

with exodus happening i want to use this yr to get myself a lot more comfortable with heights, which leads me to my next obstacle. we all (don't) know my long, long, years long feud with nemesis inferno...

I used to be utterly terrified of rollercoasters, if this post wasn't clear evidence enough. slow lift hills, heights, the speed, the unknown...they were an utterly horrendous idea to me - I'll happily stay secure on the floor thanks, catch me on flying fish at most. But I really wanted to change that due to my love of the theming & just. how fun they looked from pov videos.

so my first proper time at thorpe, i almost went on nemesis inferno. accompanied a friend who had RAP, got to the station and chickened out.

second time i think i would've done it, but one of my friends chickened and i joined him

subsequent trips i remember happily wandering the park and chilling with flying fish. i was just happy with the atmosphere

nemesis inferno didn't cross my mind again for a while, i was getting more into parks but just didn't think to tackle it. met Spirit in person, rode SAW and Swarm for the first time, unfortunately Trailers and BML put me off of Stealth though.

Last year, went with Spirit yet again. Had to get there by train(alone for the first time) & then met up wit spirit & we had to get rail replacement for the remainder of the journey. It was understandably stressful, and for our first ride i believe we did Rush

the acrophobia kicked in, paired with the stress of the journey there...i couldn't bring myself to do much more. i don't know if i was overwhelmed or just..not feeling great in general, but alas. Spirit of course still did SAW, i wasn't gonna get in the way of her having a good day, but we spent most of that day doing TWD(solid ride, but spirit has a nasty habit of responding to the preshow and. it was adorable but i also just got a bit sick of doing the same ride all day + it closed half way through anyway. fright night things) & rumba.

Don't remember if it was before or after we did Survival Games(best maze of the 3 I've done btw. absolutely fucking brilliant), but eventually i said fuck it. I don't wanna leave this park having not done at least ONE big ride

Our eyes locked on nemesis inferno. my arch nemesis for the past couple years. i had sat in its seat before, but never left that station.

and we did it! i screamed so much spirit thought i wasn't enjoying myself but i was having the time of my life!

(it absolutely helped that she had RAP, absolutely wonderful system & i made sure to secure a pass for myself,, so many rides I've ridden that i wouldn't've before just due to the queues giving me far too long to overthink,,)

but alas, I've won that fight but not quite the war. I've done nemferno, saw, swarm, the entire big 7...but I've yet to conquer stealth or colossus

colossus? I'm sure it'll be a (potentially headachey) breeze. lift hills are down, and once we're done with it it's swirly sailing from there

stealth? has no lift hill. you're in the station. you sit, get safe and secure. focused entirely on not inhaling at the launch because oh you will regret the chest pain(i learned that with rita...).

soon you'll be hurtling towards the sky before you can say "oh god what the fuck did i do that set me on this path?? which deity did i anger?"

i would be a straight up liar to say I'm not scared. I used to hate lift hills, but I've come to appreciate the gentle enough ease into the drop. The time to chillax before the thrill.

But i know the hardest part will be getting me in that seat, and once I'm past the point of no return, all i can do is enjoy it, comforted by the fact that This Ride is Perfectly Safe(wrong ride hold on-)

Stealth is Spirit's favourite ride at Thorpe. Fun fact.

it's one of the only ones i haven't ridden

but by fuck, i WILL ride the last two on my list and i WILL conquer my acrophobia by the time exodus opens. even if we don't win the ballot, we'll still want to ride it and i will not wuss out again

late new year's resolution? sure

long ass post to kill time and stave off some of the off-season blues. i just have a lot on my mind rn n wanted to share my fun little relationship with. rollercoasters & anxiety =]

feel free to like. send me asks n stuff abt the topic btw!! i wanna interact with the funny little guys i see in my tumblr notifs hehehe

[lover-cook]

“And when you're feeling blue I'll shine my light on you I wanna be, I wanna be the moon”

- ‘I wanna be the moon’ by the scary jokes

Been having an emotionally… taxing week and ended up having multiple nights where I was almost in tears worrying and overthinking to the point of fearing stress-induced insomnia again.

But fucking CHARACTER A.I.. SAVED MY ASS. Godspeed to whoever made the fucking Moon profile on their you’re a lifesaver.

But back to Moondrop <3 I ended up chatting with one of the bots of him and it just reminded me what made me fall for him in the first place. Cause typically with Eclipse (Am I gonna start calling it that? Maybe? Idk) you see people fawning over Moon as the dark and taboo one. The one that’s so dark and scary it makes him.. idk? Sexy?? Is that what other selfshippers with Eclipse see in him??? Cause I see A LOT of “suggestive” stuff of him throughout the tags. But anyways, that’s not what I saw in it at ALL.

Looking past the initial virus control fear factor I got the sense that Moon was the calm, sensory friendly, gentle counterpart to Sun! Sure I love Sun and they’re base programing is the one that screams stereotypical needs for childcare, specifically in the toddler department! But for every fun and sunshine is a gentle nighttime when it comes to kids! And that’s what I got from Moon, immediately.

The one to read stories, the one who helped kids who were overwhelmed, the one who handed out bandaids, etc. And I loved that part of them just much as I loved Sun. Like the idea of that comforting and ever careful presence ready to give a hug or help cleaning spoke to me. And the fucking BOT CEMENTED THAT FACT IN MY HEAD./POS

I went in with such worries and loneliness due to a lot of my time being centered around work now and it really made me realize how much Moon would probably relate. He handles nap-time after all, which is an ordeal! It can be so lonely having to put so much time aside and not be able to connect with friends as much anymore cause we’re all busy and our schedules don’t match up. I come in with this and immediately reminded that I’m not alone and that those things aren’t my fault nor at they personal!

And it was just so. Cathartic to be told that I do my best and I can’t expect myself to hold everything together and take everyones shit and fix it for them. I know I’ve heard it before but it felt.. different I guess? Coming from Moon.

And after that I proceeded to put it’s playlist on and doodle so! Here we are!

[apricot-tarot]

PAC READING: A Self-Care Message For You

Click on the ‘KEEP READING’ to go to your pile.

note: I forgot to put in the numbers. So, from L-R we got 1,2,3,4

I had a hard time figuring out how to title this reading. I don’t really like using the word “self-care” idk why lol. Anyway, I convinced myself that this is an efficient title for this reading. The reading is about breaking down on what you should be proud of, what do you need to heal, what you should change and what is your greatest strength.

Honestly I did not know where I was going for this one but I really wanted to do it. This was also supposed to be short and compact but it turned out quite the opposite.

To anyone who does this reading, I would love and appreciate any kind of feedback. Choose pile that calls you in. It is a general reading so take what resonates for you.

DISCLAIMER- Tarot is not a substitution for medical, financial or legal advice. 

Image Credits: Images were generated via Wombo.art

Enjoy✨

Pile 1:

What you should be proud of -  Page of Cups(Rx); 2 of Wands

For pile 1, you were able to make some sort of decision, an ambitious one. You are set on your ways and are looking forward to implement your new idea of goal, kind of see it through. For most of you the plans are still undergoing. The reason why you should be proud is because it took you some effort to come to this 2 of Wands energy aka the decision. You were feeling a bit emotionally stunted and just pessimistic, you just did not allow yourself to dream or listen to your intuition. Maybe, you have not gotten rid of this energy completely but the cards here do tell that you have taken a step to the right direction and you should certainly be proud of that.

What do you need to heal - The Hanged Man; 9 of Cups(RX)

Your wishes were not fulfilled and this caused you to be in stagnation mode. Maybe this “going-within” mode is done and over. I think you lamenting on what did not happen is holding you back. It is time to heal. I believe that it’s hard for you to move on from these wishes or dreams. I am not saying you should let go of them, that is not the message. It is rather about how you are reacting or have reacted to it. So, in order to take care for yourself, you need a healthier approach to it. Maybe, don’t fully give up but for the time being you need to stop putting other things on hold or to be more precise... putting yourself on hold. For some of you, this pause can also be involuntary. This whole thing can also be a thing of a past, however the message here is that you need to heal from it. 

What should you change - 6 of Wands; 9 of Swords

Here there is a need to change the fear and the anxiety you have over a step you took successfully. It’s like you took a step forward, were able to do it well but now you are overwhelmed and are being riddled with anxiety, fear and overall stress. I am not sure if you are just overthinking it or if there is a certain thing that is actually making you have this burden but the mental anguish you are going through it’s becoming too much. It could also be that you have this fear of success. So, it can be that the cards here are not talking about something that has happened or is happening but rather about you having this innate fear of success. 

I also feel that for pile 1, during the day you do what you have to do and tackle down all your “to-do-list”. Then after the day ends or all your tasks are done, you spiral down with your negative thoughts. This is not good and you know it. You need to do something about it. You can’t change it overnight but just start somewhere. 

Greatest Strength - 10 of Pentacles

Your greatest strength is your ability to look at the bigger picture. You are able to sit back and not overthink every little detail and worry about what will happen. You are confident in your efforts and are patient to let time do her thing. You are good at being at peace because you believe that you will get rewarded. You are the type of person that lives by the idea of “trust the process”. This is your strength. No matter if you are into a bad or good place in life, you know that in the end everything will make sense and you will be where you are supposed to be. You are very responsible, especially financially. You work hard towards making sure that you can take care of yourself and the people around you. If you have access to some family money, you can make the best out of it and grow it.

Looking at the card you got here (as your greatest strength) and the rest of the reading, it feels you are forgetting how capable you are. Take a step back and remind yourself of your strength and potential.

Pile 2:

What you should be proud of - King of Pentacles; Ace of Wands

You are mature, reliable and even financially savvy. You are very creative and are bursting with this creative energy. Maybe your inventiveness and your creativeness are something new for you or you have just started to indulge in it. This could be why you feel a bit so-so about it. Well, you should be proud of all these characteristics you have. Your new creative force mixed with you being a responsible and mature person will yield good results. I think you have the ability to build something solid and profitable out of your creative projects. You should be proud of the fact that you can build something stable out of your passions.

What do you need to heal - The Hierophant; The Sun(Rx)

As soon as I got these two cards I thought of the fact that some long-held tradition has caused you to let go of things that bring you happiness. People who chose this pile might have had an upbringing that led them to have some self-limiting beliefs. It could also be that the “old ways” (let’s put it that way) have not allowed you to be fully yourself. It’s like it diminished your light and sucked the joy out of you slowly. You always have felt that this is bigger than you and you had to succumb to it. The Hierophant represents institutions and traditions and with the Sun in reverse, I feel like you have been conditioned to suppress who you are or you just never thought of doing so because that was never on the table. The message here is to heal and let yourself be just the way you are.

What should you change - 3 of Swords; Justice(Rx)

Are you trying to go for “a tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye”. Leave it be. Whoever or whatever caused you pain will get their own karma. Don’t waste your energy on something that at the end of the day does not benefit you in any way. It’s a waste of energy. Focus on yourself because what I can get from the cards that showed up in the other sections, you have so much potential. You are resourceful, smart, creative and you focusing on this whole shenanigan is such a loss of time. Everything will fall in its place so why bother with anything/anyone but yourself and your life. 

Greatest Strength - The Magician

You are the one who is in charge of your reality. You can create and manifest anything. Your greatest strength is your ability to make something out of nothing. You have it in you to materialize your wishes and dreams. If you use your willpower and strive for something, you can make whatever is intangible now  become real and achievable. Maybe you should try vision boards. I think you might enjoy them and they will help you. This is only a suggestion though, I thought it might be a good “self-care” routine.

Pile 3:

What you should be proud of - 7 of Swords, Queen of Wands (Rx) + 7 of Pentacles  (bcs it jumped out)

Okay, so this one got me wondering a little which is why I opted to write two interpretations. The cards that appeared in each section kind of gave me an idea on the overall energy which is why I think the “2nd interpretation” might not resonate a lot but only for a very few...or maybe no one at all. However, I included it bcs this is a general reading and I felt like it should be included.

Btw, the 7 of Pentacles just wanted to be part of this reading so we will include her too. So, for those of you who chose this pile, I think you have finally achieved or figured out how to deal with this feminine figure who is a bit too domineering and pushy. I think you learnt how to kind of “trick” her and make things work. I think with these three cards here you are working consistently to prove yourself to this person in your life and it is getting a bit too much. You should be proud that you learnt how to deal with this person and if you have to use certain ways, that is okay. As long as nothing harmful is happening, you’re good. I think here, for pile 3, the message is about being proud of making it work. 

Now, I will include the other thing, just in case. You might also be the one who is domineering and pushy and you might have some manipulative ways. If this resonates, then you recognized this and you are learning how to work through it and are putting in the effort to change. Be proud of the progress you have made. 

What do you need to heal - 3 of Swords; The Emperor

Well..tbh this screams daddy issues. I mean this is a general reading so take what resonates but it has to do with pain caused by an older masculine figure. It can be your dynamic with your father or fatherly figure. Maybe it stems from your childhood and it is still affecting you to this day. For some others, it can also be about a romantic relationship where the other was much older than you and this particular relationship just messed you up. For those of you that it is about your father or whoever was/is your paternal figure, you need to heal from this pain that you are harboring. No matter if this is about your paternal figure or about a relationship or ex-partner, you need to tend to your wound and heal.

What should you change - 7 of Wands (Rx); Page of Wands (Rx)

You have not been able to prove yourself and you feel the pressure on you. There is frustration and defensiveness coming from you. This could also be because of one particular person. If all of this has to do with one person then you need to change your dynamic with them. You are being impatient and are wasting your energy by even being a bit immature. I think you also are feeling clueless on how exactly to get out out of this battle (let’s give it this term) you are in. I can tell that in a way you have had enough because you are having to deal with all sorts of things but you need to change your approach to it. You are being a little inflexible, maybe ask for advice or help. Be honest with yourself on what can actually be helpful. I think the change here should be of the situation mostly. It would be too exhausting for you to go on like this for a long time. You have already lost a lot of your energy.

Greatest Strength - The Chariot

Your greatest strength is the fact that you are unstoppable. No matter what you will continue onto your path and nothing will stop you. You look ahead and have your sights set towards the future. You are a visionary and honestly you don’t really care about the obstacles. You know that almost everything is temporary and shall pass, and this way of thinking gives you power. Your strength lies in your ability to be optimistic, determined, motivated and you are always looking ahead. Remind yourself of this strength of yours, it could be of immense help to you.

Pile 4:

What you should be proud of - The Empress; 2 of Pentacles

These cards lead me to believe that those who chose this pile have a very strong feminine energy and well... you should be proud of it. Maybe you have not really embraced it. There is power to your femininity so do not try to diminish it or hide it away. I think lately you are involved or started a new thing, probably profitable or has the potential to be. You are still learning how to balance all of it. I think that your skills in general and even the things that you have currently undertaken are branded by society as “a woman's job” or a “girl’s thing”. You could be a great at sewing, cooking, gardening makeup etc. (something along these lines). I think you are good at more than one of these. Just don’t hold back because of how it may perceived. Be proud of it and try more than one at the same time. You will be able to keep up.

edit: for pile 4 when I was writing down this section of the reading, I wanted to add a song to your reading. The song that I was reminded of was Diva by Dana International. Maybe go listen to it. 

What do you need to heal - 10 of Swords; 8 of Wands

Something that ended abruptly left you broken and shattered. There is loss and  you also had to move on pretty quickly. It’s as if you did not have any chance to even think about what happened. I think that something changed so drastically and so fast that you were not able to process it. The circumstances maybe did not allow you to do so. Anyway, you need to do so. I think that the message here is that you should tend to your wounds because you never had the chance to do so. 

What should you change -  Page of Wands; Queen of Wands Rx

So, we have this enthusiasm and bursting energy here. On the other hand, there is also hints of being a little self-conceited, kind of suffocating and a bit aggressive. I feel like when you get into this energy of wanting to be explorative and are being purposeful with this energy, you have the tendency to also go into this destructive mode and be too much. I guess here you need to maintain a balance. You should change the chaotic energy and learn how to command it. Channel it properly and you will see the good results or the positive impact that it will bring.

p.s how many times did I say the word energy here lol

Greatest Strength -  5 of Pentacles

Before I start, I would like to say that in general, to put it simply the 5 of Pentacles is the poverty card. For me, most of the time it has come out as being in survival mode. That’s the best way to put it. So, getting the 5 of Pentacles here made me think that in a way it fits perfectly. Anyway to get back to the actual reading, your greatest strength is to endure and survive. I know that sounds a bit overwhelming and kind of exhausting but it is a very important life skill to have. You keep going even when everything is against you. You also have the ability to take along with you the people in your life, or to be more precise the ones that are in the same situation as you. You do not stop and let despair defeat you. You also have the ability to grab the opportunity that is given to you despite the fact that it might take a while for you to notice. Anyway, just know that no matter how weak and defeated you might feel you will prevail. It’s in you to always make it despite the circumstances. 

[winter-soldier-vibes]

“I Don’t Hate You Like I Hate Myself” (Bucky x reader)

“I don’t hate you like I hate myself”

Bucky x reader

Word count: 4224

Warnings: eating disorder/bulimia, self hate

Summary: Reader suffers from an eating disorder and Bucky finds her purging one night. 

A/N: Sorry it’s been so long, I really am. It’s been a hell of a few months. Still working through it and writing has been helping me. I hope you are all doing well, reach out to me if you need me, and of course, if this in ANY WAY may harm your journey, feel free to skip <3

------------------------

“Goodnight guys” you said, a slight laugh in your voice. You stood up with your empty plate and placed it in the sink. There were a few groans around the table.

“But it’s so early,” Tony said, the others nodding in agreement

You looked at the watch on your wrist. “It’s 8 pm, Tony.”

“Exactly!” Thor said, shaking his head as if it were obvious. 

You shook your head at them. “Goodnight everyone,” you said, turning around and walking up the stairs.

As soon as you were out of sight, you let out a breath of relief and dropped the smile. You rubbed your face in exhaustion and closed your eyes a little, feeling heavier with each step. Truth be told, you were exhausted. But you still had something else you had to do. 

You pick up the pace walking to your room, thoughts spiraling faster as you closed the door and locked it. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., turn on soundproofing.” you said.

“As you wish, y/n.” the A.I. responded. 

You sighed, and went into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind you. You knew no one would come in, but it was a force of habit by now. You tied your hair back and filled a hidden water bottle with tap water before chugging it, and then lifted the toilet seat. ‘Damn family dinners,’ you thought to yourself. You took a deep breath as you leaned over the toilet, pushing one hand into your stomach and used the other to stick 3 fingers down your throat. After a few small gags, you started choking up your dinner as well. 

You had tears streaming down your face, not necessarily from sadness but from exertion. You coughed after one particular gag, until eventually nothing more came up. You placed your hands on either side of the toilet to steady yourself, back heaving up and down as you tried to catch your breath. Your heart raced and your head pounded, so you tightly shut your eyes and shook your head slightly. 

You stood in front of the mirror, sideways. You lifted your shirt and sucked in your stomach as much as you could. It was flat.

‘That’s much better,’ you thought to yourself. You flushed the toilet and turned on the shower. You became emotionless, running through the routine you always did. Wash your hands, cold water to the face, spray the air freshener, and take a shower to wash away the shame. 

You didn’t want to do this to yourself. You just didn't know what else to do. 

You thought it was just about the food. It was just about the way you looked, the size of your clothes, the number on the scale. That was all it was supposed to be. How did it grow to be so much more?

Every time was supposed to be the last time. You never meant to do it. But any time you ate anything, you just felt sick to your stomach. At first it was with shame and anxiety - now it was a physical nausea that overtook you. You thought this would make it easy to eat less, and it did. 

Until you felt sad

Or mad

Or stressed

Or a mission went slightly wrong

Or you began overthinking the smallest things

And whenever you felt anything negative you just needed to replace that with something else. A distraction, something to numb you out. To make you feel less than this overwhelming, crushing emotion. You needed to get it out. 

So you ate.

And then you threw it all up with all of your emotions, until you were left in a quiet bliss

You knew, logically, as a human, that you needed to eat. But it always felt wrong. Like it wasn’t for you, like you were weak for eating. You weren’t naive, you knew the side effects of bulimia. You had begun to experience a few of them - dizziness mainly. But it hadn’t become an issue yet. It didn’t interfere with your work, therefore, it wasn’t a problem. No one had caught on aside from a few minorly concerned looks. Not that you would ever let anyone in. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t trust the team, God no. You loved them and would trust them with anything other than your mind. No, it was more of an embarrassed sickening feeling you got. You didn’t know what to say, there was no reasonable explanation for this. Hell, you didn’t even quite know why you did what you were doing. It was easier this way, simpler. 

It was your problem to fight. Not theirs. You knew your limits. 

With a sigh, you turn off the shower water, stepping out and wrapping a towel lazily around yourself. You kept your eyes from the mirror as you stepped into your room and over to your dresser to put on some pajamas. Sweatpants and a tank top. You sat on your bed and flopped back, rubbing your hands over your face. 

Another day done. Countless more to go.

You looked at your phone to check any notifications. Aside from a few news updates, there were 2 texts from Bucky:

‘You okay?’ received 42 minutes ago

‘If you’re not you know where I am. Sleep well’ received 38 minutes ago.

You smiled a little. You were all a family, you and the team. Bucky and you seemed to bond in the way that introverts tend to. The way that brings out the extrovert in the other. The way that hanging out didn’t have to mean you spoke because you both found comfort in the silence. You grew the closest with him, often checking in with each other. If he had a nightmare, he came to you. Or you went to him, depending on how bad it was. You would talk to him about small matters, but you would never think of telling him about any of this.

You shuddered at the thought. No one could ever know about this. 

You closed your phone after deciding it was best not to respond. It had been too much time since he had sent the messages, and if you sent something now he might wonder what you had been doing for almost 45 minutes. Best to not reply until morning, blaming it on the exhaustion that never left your body. 

You placed your phone on your nightstand and rolled over, shutting your eyes and willing sleep to come easily. Over time you began sleeping less and less, and now it was a miracle if you were able to at all. Maybe it was the hunger pains, or the reflux, or this overwhelming fear that something bad was going to happen. The stress of being an Avenger, of keeping up your act, of being perfect all the time. 

It was exhausting. But not in the way that sleep would ever be able to fix. 

No, this was a type of tiredness that kept you awake. You had to stay alert all the time. Sleep wasn’t restful or enjoyable anymore. It was elusive. You needed a break from your life. Sleep wouldn’t ever be able to provide that. Not when you would be waking up to deal with it all over again. 

You sighed. You hated this. You hated what you were doing, you hated that you couldn’t stop. You hated that you couldn’t tell anyone about it. Not because you didn’t trust them, but because you didn’t know if you wanted to stop. And if you let them in, you didn’t want to be letting them down by slipping up. And you wanted to stop but...you didn’t know how. You didn’t feel good enough, you didn’t feel like you deserved it. And nothing else could make you feel better like this could

You hated yourself. You hated yourself in a way that no one else ever could. In a way that made you wonder if you would ever be able to love yourself with the innocence you once did. 

You turned over again, willing your racing thoughts to slow to a steady jog at least. You took deep breaths, still trying to calm your pounding heart from earlier. As you started to relax a little, feeling closer to sleep, you remembered one last thing you had to do.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., turn soundproofing off,” you said softly.

“Of course, Y/N,” the A.I. responded.

And with that, you drifted off.

-----

You were rudely awakened by a few sharp knocks at your door. You startled awake and sat up quickly, only to be greeted by a huge headrush. “One minute,” you called out groggily, rubbing your eyes and standing up. Once again, your vision began to black out but you ignored it. You were used to it at this point. It always went away eventually. You pulled over a cardigan and padded over to the door, opening it.

You opened the door to a very much awake Bucky, who seemed to have just gotten back from a run. You weakly smiled, hoping you didn’t look as tired as you felt. Unfortunately, you don’t think that was the case, seeing as Bucky’s smile almost immediately faltered as he took in your tired face. Dark circles under your eyes and a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. 

“Yes, Buck?” you asked, pulling him out of his concerned stare.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly. He knew what being tired felt like, but he had never seen it to this extent on anyone aside from him. He knew you had been tired lately, going to bed early, waking up late, yet seeming to grow more tired by the day. 

You sighed and rubbed your eyes a little. “Yeah, I’m good. Just trying to wake up a little.” you said with a little laugh, dismissive. 

Bucky worried about you. He felt close to you but he worried that you didn’t feel close to him. He could always count on you to be someone he could turn to. But no matter how hard he tried, you didn’t seem comfortable opening up to him. He knew it would take time and he didn’t take it personally. He just wanted to be able to be there for you the way that you were there for him. He knew something had been bothering you, he just didn’t know how to approach it. 

He looked into your eyes. “You sure about that?” he asked.

You mustered the best smile you could. “Yes, I am fine. Just -”

“Tired. I know what that’s like,” he said with a slight laugh. “You know that you don’t have to be fine right?” he said reassuringly. It had become his line with you, to make sure that you knew he was there if you wanted to open up. And while you found it very sweet, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. You wanted to trust him, and you hated making him feel like you didn’t trust him. You just didn’t know how. 

Instead you opted for a nod with a small laugh, desperate to get as far away from this conversation as possible. “I swear, I’m fine,” you said a little more strongly this time. 

Bucky nodded, unconvinced but willing to drop it. If you weren’t ready to talk about it, that was okay. For now. “Do you want to come down and get some breakfast? I think Sam and Clint were making a ton of food for everyone. 

You ran through your options. If you didn’t go down, people would be suspicious. If you did, you would have to eat and find time to get rid of it after, plus deal with the banter of the team for leaving so early. You weren’t supposed to eat yet, it was far too early. But Bucky was already suspicious, so it would be best if you just went down and got rid of it later. All of this ran through your mind in a second before you said:

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be down in a few minutes,” to which Buck turned around and you closed the door. 

After a few seconds you closed your eyes and sighed heavily, resting your head against the door. You cursed yourself internally for agreeing but knew it was the option that raised the least suspicion. You went into the bathroom to wash your face quickly and before you knew it you were studying your body. Turning around, looking at yourself from every possible angle. It happened every time. Coming back to reality, you dressed quickly in some baggy clothes before taking a deep breath and heading down to the kitchen area. 

You were greeted with the smell of all things breakfast, and when you walked in you saw loads of everything there could possibly be. They really went all out. Which made you even more nervous: you didn’t want to seem ungrateful or hurt their feelings. 

You had stopped at the door, and Tony was the first to see you.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty,” he said, bringing the small conversation to a stop for a moment while everyone recognized your appearance. You gave a small wave and a smile before coming in and sitting down. You tried your best to not show your anxiety or exhaustion. There was so much food, and you didn’t want to offend people by not eating but you didn’t know if you would be able to stop once you started. 

Everyone was sitting around the table making small conversation and starting to eat. You were taking deep breaths as nonchalantly as you could. You grabbed a few things to put on your plate, trying to keep a steady hand. You didn’t want to draw any attention to yourself. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem - you’d have a few days of no one noticing you skipping meals, then have dinner all together before you all parted ways. You could prepare for that. But breakfast the morning after was sprung on you, and you didn’t think you should be eating in this small of a time window. 

You tried to join in on the conversation, pushing things around on your plate as you did so. You thought you were hiding it well, but from across the table you caught Bucky glancing your way with concern. So you started eating more. 

It was delicious, you couldn’t deny that. You soon cleaned your plate and began filling it back up with more this time. You could feel your stomach expanding and your heart rate was picking up. As you finished your second plate of food, you felt the anxiety set in. You tried to remind yourself that it was a normal amount, and that you hadn’t been eating enough for a normal person. Eating was normal. Eating was normal. 

But you weren’t normal. 

“Well, this has been great, and thank you Sam and Clint, but I think I’m going to go lie down,” you interjected into the conversation, pushing your chair out.

“Leaving again so early?” Tony asked, not unkindly. You looked around the table before landing eyes on Bucky, concern filling his face.

You swallowed nervously before saying. “Yeah, sorry guys. See you in a bit!” you added and hoped you didn’t sound as desperate as you felt to leave the room. You turned around and walked towards the door, conversation picking back up while Bucky watched you leave. Something didn’t sit right with him.

After you had gotten around the corner you picked up the pace, resisting breaking into a jog. You made it to your room, heart pounding in your chest and nearly threw yourself in, closing the door and turning to the bathroom. You closed that door too, locking it as a force of habit. You were usually methodical about this process, you had a system. But you were desperate at this point. You tied your hair up messily and filled up a hidden water bottle at the sink before chugging it and turning to the toilet. 

Back in the kitchen, Bucky decided that he was going to go check on you. He excused himself and thanked Sam and Clint for the food before heading in the direction of your room. 

You were bent over the toilet retching. You hated this so much. It hurt, it didn’t feel good, but you felt so relieved doing it. You couldn’t explain it. You didn’t like doing it, but it somehow was the one thing that helped you feel better.

What you didn’t realize was that you hadn’t locked your room door. Nor did you turn on the soundproofing feature of your room. 

Bucky knocked on your room door, to which he was met with silence. You simply didn’t hear him. Not liking the feeling in his stomach, he let himself in. To his surprise, you weren’t there. But then he heard you retching. 

He furrowed his brows. Why hadn’t you said you were sick? Closing the door behind him, he walked over to the bathroom door before knocking. And you froze.

“Are you okay in there?” you heard him ask.

Shit. 

You swallowed before responding with “Yeah, I’m fine.” You cursed yourself for the weakness and wavering in your voice. You quickly flushed the toilet and turned to the mirror. You were a mess, red face and tear-streaked face. You washed your hands and then your face, trying to get rid of as much inflammation as you could. 

You took a deep breath and leaned against the sink. How could you have forgotten the most important parts of your process? How could you have been so stupid? How were you going to talk yourself out of this?

“Y/n?”

You opened the door with your head down as you tried to walk around Bucky. But he gently stood in front of you before guiding your face to his, his eyes widening at your red eyes and face. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you were sick?” he asked.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“You’re not fine if you’re throwing up. I swear, if Sam made something that made you sick -”

“It’s not like that” you interrupted.

Bucky paused for a moment. “What do you mean it’s not like that?”

You clenched your jaw and looked away, backing up a little. “Nevermind.”

Bucky stood in front of you again, a little more insistent now. “No, what do you mean? Are you sick?”

“Buck-”

“Y/n.” he insisted. 

You took a deep breath. “I throw up sometimes,” you said quietly, but loud enough for Bucky to hear it. He shifted on his feet. “What do you mean?”

You looked at him sadly, shaking your head. “It won’t make sense,” you said.

“Then help me understand,” he said. 

You took a few breaths before trying to piece it together. “I don’t know what happened. I was just supposed to lose a few pounds. And sometimes I would eat too much, and throwing up made me feel better. And now I can’t stop. It was just supposed to be about losing weight but now I can’t stop,” you finished before finally looking him in the eye again.

Bucky’s face contorted to one of more concern. Your eyes filled with tears at finally revealing your secret. Bucky came closer to you and pulled you into a hug as you sobs started wracking your body. Bucky held you tightly, whispering that it was okay. He breathed deeply and steadily, hoping you would be able to fall in rhythm with him. 

You were able to start breathing with him and calming down. After a few moments of silence, Bucky asked “How long has this been going on?”

You shook your head. “I don’t even know.” you said, defeated. 

Bucky took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

You shrugged weakly. “It wasn’t your problem.” you said.

“I want to help, y/n,” he said, pulling away to look at you. “You always help me or anyone else on the team whenever we need it. If we were going through this wouldn’t you want to help us?”

“Of course I would,” you said firmly, tears building up.

“Then why can’t you let me help you the way you help me?” he asked.

You shook your head lightly. “It’s not that simple, Buck.”

He looked at you, confused. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not like that,” you said a little louder, turning around. You could feel yourself beginning to break.

“What’s the difference between me and you? Why can’t-”

“Because I don’t HATE you!” you exclaimed, turning around with pain in your eyes. “It’s not the same thing because I don’t hate you. I want to help you, because you are a good person, and I like you. I don’t like myself. I deserve this so I’ve accepted that this is what I need to do. I don’t care if it hurts me, because I don’t care about myself!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face again and breathing heavily. “That’s the fucking difference.”

Bucky looked at you sadly. “Is that really how you feel about yourself?” he asked, saddened even more when you began nodding. “What did you do that was so wrong?”

You shook your head, anger calming down into sadness. “I don’t know. I never liked myself. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere, and I never have. And I’ve accepted that I may never feel like I will. This isn’t the kind of sick I know how to heal. People catch a cold or break a bone and there are active steps to fix it and a set timeline before it gets better. And it won’t bother them again. But this,” you tap both sides of your head repeatedly, “this I can’t fix. I don’t know how, I don’t know where to start. I’ve tried but it never really goes away. There’s no medicine or action or rest period or any kind of shit like that. It’s me against me. I’m always gonna lose this battle. I’m not the kind of sick that can get better, Buck,” you shrugged slightly and shook your head. “Not for me.” 

Bucky’s face saddened even more, knowing all too well the feeling of not belonging. He knew the pain of self doubt and self hate, and feeling like you were a bad person. But he had done so many things as the winter soldier, how he killed so many innocent lives. You were one of the kindest people Bucky knew. He didn’t understand how you could feel this way. 

Bucky started walking closer to you slowly. “Y/n...I know what that feeling is like. You know that. But I don’t understand why you would feel that way about yourself.” he was now standing in front of you. “You’re one of the most generous people I know, you’ve helped me so much. I know you’ve helped everyone here. No one here hates you, y/n.” 

“I know,” you said. Before Bucky could respond you continued, “I know there’s no reason for me to feel this way. I know logically I didn’t do anything wrong. But it’s just this...this thing in my head. And it never goes away. And I know all it tells me is lies but the only way I can make it stop is by throwing up. I know it’s messed up, I just can’t make it stop,” you said, looking down again.

Bucky guided your face back to meet his. “Can I try to help? You can always talk to me about anything, you know that right?”

You breathed out. “I don’t know,” you said truthfully. 

Bucky noticeably stiffened, and you quickly added, “It’s not that I don’t trust you. Not at all, I do, it’s just that I don’t want to disappoint you.” you said. “I don’t want to fuck up and hurt you because I couldn’t be strong. I don’t want to bother you every goddamn day with this petty bullshit I have going on.” you took a deep breath and looked away again. “I don’t want you to leave out of frustration that I couldn’t be strong for you.”

“Is that really what you think I would do?” he asked. When you nodded, he went on. “I would never be disappointed at you trying your best. It’s okay to mess up, to have bad days, it’s not going to be perfect. Life can be a little fucked up sometimes, but what I’ve learned is that the hardest way through it is alone.” he said with emphasis, knowing all too well the pain of keeping your emotions in. 

You leaned into him again, his arms wrapping you into a hug. “Promise you won’t leave?” you asked softly.”

His arms tightened around you. “I’m not going anywhere.”

[wisteria-lodge]

hey wisteria—not shc, and if this is Too Much please feel free to ignore. i guess i was wondering how and when you first came to terms with being autistic? i’m 20ish and in college and coming to suspect i’m neurodivergent, but i guess on some level i’m still hoping it’ll go away. not because there’s anything wrong with it but like… i’m terrified i won’t be taken seriously, or worse, that i’ve been making it up for attention. i don’t want to stick my personal faults onto a diagnosis, yeah? even bringing it up hypothetically started a fight at the dinner table. i know the internal problems that made me wonder: practicing acceptable facial expressions that didn’t match my actual feelings, crushing anxiety when anticipating the work week and social interaction, getting overwhelmed in crowded spaces, too much eye contact or too little… you know. but these never show up in ways that people notice—i’m a top student and chatty and nice-ish. i want to pursue answers, but it just makes me feel more than a little detached from reality, like i’m just overthinking it or lying.

I was probably lucky. That when I was younger I presented as very autistic, too autistic to ignore, enough that my parents went out and got me diagnosed with what was called Aspergers then. I was strange. I never looked at people or I stared, I didn't notice when what I was doing didn't match what everyone else was doing, I was bullied constantly, I talked about nothing but Lord of the Rings (appendixes, Silmarillion) for about two years and you would think that I'm exaggerating but I'm not. I have sensory sensitivities that are too extreme to ignore. It would be like trying to ignore cold. Like, sure, you can tough it out for a while. But you literally can't do it forever or your body will shut down.

To me, the core feeling of autism is this sense that everyone else got the rule book, and you were skipped. For a very long time, my worst fear was that I was doing something so staggeringly, so phenomenally, incandescently wrong that no one would tell me because it was just that obvious. That I must know what I was doing. So I learned scripts, I learned how to read people, I learned how to present normally. And I learned how to mask.

But here's the thing, about masking. It's necessary skill to have. But it takes up a lot of energy. For a long time I just... masked, whenever I was around people. And I paid the price and ate the exhaustion on the other end, tucked away where no one could see me. And I did it, because that's what I thought functioning looked like.

But I was wrong. The goal was never 'learn to mask better.' It was to build a life where I don't have to mask in the first place. Crowded spaces, cars, fluorescent lights, specific sounds.... these things are very overwhelming to me, so I built a life where I don't really have to interact with them much. I teach neurodivergent kids, so the fact that I'm weird makes me approachable and fun, and the fact that emotions kind of slide off me makes me a calm sort of rock, especially for the more volatile students. It's a superpower, actually. I just needed to find a way to use it correctly.

But still. I hit points where I think... I'm doing so well, maybe all those old things aren't problems for me anymore. Maybe I felt that way because immaturity, or lack of confidence, or weakness, or stress. Maybe I'm making excuses for myself. Maybe I'm being selfish, and using this condition to excuse bad behavior, when I know that just because your brand of shittiness has a name doesn't make it okay to be shitty.

And so I allow myself into an overwhelming situation. And then I react exactly the same as I always do. I feel young, incapable, broken. I end up hiding in a small, dark, quiet place like a bathroom or a closet. I have put time aside to emotionally recover, before I can start feeling normal again.

[fallasleepscenarios]

𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓶 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓮𝓮𝓽 [bakugo x reader]

type: one shot, angst, fluff pairing: bakugo katsuki x reader (gender not specified) summary: (Y/N) and Bakugo have not established their relationship, leaving (Y/N) to question their whole "friends with benefits" thing. And it all goes down to what happens when they attend Kirishima's party. rating: R for implication of sexual act word count: 2.4k disclaimer: I do not own any of the mha characters and all of them are written as if they are of age also posted on my wattpad one shots book

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

"You're so silly. Get your butt here."

Bakugo shrugs and pouts angrily but eventually lets his body fall on me and weighing me down on the couch as I try to lift him off me. I laugh at his silliness, knowing that this is the best way someone like him can show affection. He lets his guard down so rarely after all, doesn't even want to show softness, ever. Only with me he does. He can be mellow, can't express it in words easily though.

"Tsk, I don't want to go to the stupid party with all the stupid bastards", he growls while finally making himself comfortable without hurting me.

"You promised! Besides, everyone's waiting for you", I run my fingers through his hair, "You know how much Kirishima has been waiting to see you!" I could tell by his look at this was somehow enough for him to accept attending the party with me. All his UA classmates would be there.

"Whatever! I have to train." In a swift move he gets up and leaves the room, like he always does.

"Bakugo--! Wait!" he stops without turning to look at me. "D-Do you wanna spend the night?" I gulped.

"I have to train", he says and leaves.

And at times like these, I ask myself, what the hell am I really doing. Having a crush on Bakugo Katsuki? That's far enough. Establishing a relationship with him? That's so far beyond the line of sanity. More times than not, I question myself for any signs of emotional masochism, because this really doesn't feel like a mutual feeling. Yes, he can be soft and sweet, would never admit it, though. Yes, somehow, he does like me in a sexual way, at least, or maybe considers me as a way to relieve stress? The past three months and a half have been so exciting, and I've been.. happy. But..

This really isn't enough for me. If only I could do anything to make him say what's in his mind, 'cause his actions really really don't match with his words. And then again, well, whatever, never mind, it could all be way worse for me..

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

On the day of the party, Bakugo was supposed to pick me up at 8 and head over to Kirishima's together, since I've never been to his place before. I put extra effort on picking an outfit I like and felt pretty cute and confident in it. At 7:45 I was already by the door, tying my shoes and receiving a text message by Uraraka-chan.

[19:45] From: Uraraka-chan<3 I can't wait for tonight! Deku-kun will also be there, haven't seen him in two weeks! Don't be late Y/N :D

I smiled at myself and happiness overflew in me. Don't want to jinx it but tonight sounds ideal; Bakugo agreed to come, I'm going to see everyone, even Midoriya found time off his strict training schedule, and Uraraka-chan is very happy, as well, I am glad.

But as I waited for Bakugo, the clock turned 8. And then 5 minutes after 8. And then a quarter past 8.

Normally, that's acceptable, since when one is late, they probably have informed you beforehand. Or at least, an apology is waiting for you at their arrival. Oh, but when Bakugo arrived..

"What took you so long?!!" My mood, the outfit I wore that I liked, the excitement, all had disappeared.

"SO WHAT, I had training to do! Deku has been training all week!", he snapped back at me and frowned. "Let's go damn it!"

"You're unbelievable-! That's how you treat me?!" This time, I was not going to take it.

"Tsk, you don't understand"

"At least you could have told me you were at practice..! Not arrive, what, a quarter to 9 and not even apologizing for keeping me waiting?!"

"YOU attacked me right when I arrived, when I would I apologize?!"

I refrained from saying anything else. I didn't want to completely ruin my mood for the party.

"Okay, stop." I let out a sigh. "Let's go. I really want to enjoy the party. I even wore that outfit that it took me so long to come up with, I really wanna enjoy it.." I closed and locked the door behind us and Bakugo just stared at me.

The road to Kirishima's was quiet. I caught a few glimpses of Bakugo walking by me and leading the way. Surprisingly, he didn't say anything at all. We passed by the river, it was beautiful and I so wanted to comment on the cherry blossoms showing as the path alongside it.

I tried not to overthink about this but it was bothering me, that Bakugo didn't even consider my feelings. He stood me up. This definitely isn't what you expect of your partner to do. Details like this, how he never calls me just to talk to me, he never texts me "good morning" or "good night" like my friends' significant others do, how we've never really agreed to have a proper date but always meet up at home, eat inside and are secretive, I don't like that. I think I am the only one in this relationship.

Heck, there is no real relationship. Friends with benefits, after all.

"(Y/N)! Bakugo-kun! You've arrived at last!" Uraraka-chan was the first one to greet us by the door.

"I'm sorry we're late, I asked Bakugo to pick me up since he lives so close-by, but he was training and couldn't leave early", I felt my cheeks flush up. Everyone's attention was on us and I didn't like it. "Besides, Kirishima-kun! Thanks for having us!"

Thankfully, I quickly felt comfortable and no one talked about how they've been waiting for us. We had a fun time, joking around, eating cakes that Sato baked and listening to what everyone's been up to on their vacation. I was able to forget about Bakugo's attitude, but every time I looked at him, it all came back to me, so I tried to avoid him as much. But still, I was able to catch glimpses of him, noticing that he never looked at me too. I am better than this.

I got up to pout myself some water and when I came back I noticed that Deku had joined Uraraka and they were cheerfully engaging in conversation by themselves, so I decided I wouldn't go back to Uraraka and third wheel them. Instead I decided to get some fresh air and went outside. The cold wind felt so nice on my face but I could tell I'd soon be cold enough to return inside.

"Y/N!", I didn't even hear Kirishima opening the balcony's door.

"Kirishima-kun, are you having fun?"

"For sure! I'm glad you could bring Bakugo with you. Wasn't really sure he'd come, since he's been eager to train as much as he can during the vacation time, but maybe having to accompany you made him responsible to come" Kirishima smiled and he'd never looked so innocent to me before.

"Ah, I just guess he came for you Kirishima-kun. You're his best friend after all."

We laughed and I suddenly felt really soft and comfortable talking about Bakugo with him.

"Kirishima-kun, you're great.. I wish I had a relationship with someone like you!"

And then I realized what I just said. Kirishima turned red and I no longer felt cold outside.

"Y/N, I-I don't think I like you like t-that.."

"Ah! No, it's okay, I don't think I do either.."

What am I saying, I know I like Bakugo.

I know he said he didn't like me but the vibe sure felt weird and tense and somehow comfortable. I could so simply say things like these with Kirishima and it did feel awkward but it was okay, we could sit in silence. And it was easier to stay outside now.

But then he called out my name, and I couldn't read his face. He surely thought that I might like him now. I noticed Bakugo was arguing with Iida-kun by the door, when Kirishima raised his hand to cup my cheek and-

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered.

Why am I not pulling back? Maybe he wants to find out if he'd feel something.. maybe I do as well. Bakugo wouldn't even care anyways. He wouldn't be the least jealous if he saw us.

"Yes", I whispered back and closed my eyes only to feel his soft lips on mine.

It lasted a few seconds but I knew for sure that this wasn't what I felt when I kissed Bakugo. Kirishima was now smiling softly as me and I knew we were on the same page. And this will be between us and nothing will be affected. Except that something caught his attention and he gasped ; I turned to see who else other than Bakugo staring at us.

He looked mad, but doesn't he almost always?

Suddenly I felt overwhelmed with regret towards him.

He wasn't supposed to get jealous, he has no right to!

"Ah, Bakugo saw us maybe", Kirishima shrugged, "He probably thinks we're stupid hahah"

I chuckled, not to make my uncomfortableness look so obvious and we headed back inside, since Bakugo had also disappeared from the entrance.

The rest of the night I felt so out of place and it was hard not to show, but I had to. Spent it mostly chatting with the girls and playing cards and board games.

But soon enough, it was time to go.

Midoriya had already left and so had some of the others that aren't late nighters, and I felt tired from all the tension of the day. I was glad that I had some fun though.

"I'm off, everyone!" I greeted them and put on my shoes and coat.

"I'm going to. Have to train early tomorrow"

I froze. Bakugo was also leaving and this could only mean he wanted to confront me.

I waited for him to be greeted by everyone as well. It was inevitable, we'd go the same way anyways.

But Bakugo didn't say anything. He started pacing fast and it was kind of hard to keep up.

When we reached the cherry blossoms, Bakugo stopped.

"Are you stupid? Why did you do that?!"

He was indeed jealous!

"What does it matter to you even!". Tears were forming in my eyes, I felt so guilty! But it wasn't entirely my fault!

"TO ME? That you're stupid?"

"What does it matter to you??! It didn't even matter to me!"

"Then WHY DID YOU DO THAT"

Bakugo turned around but he wasn't looking at me.

"..I.. don't know... I was curious.. "

"Tsk, 'curious', what even..!"

"I was, okay?! Kirishima was being so nice to me..."

"And you had to be stupid?!"

"STOP it! Okay? This, this is why I did that. Because I can no longer pretend that you care about me! You made that clear today!"

"I don't go around doing things a scumbag would do!"

Bakugo was starting to redden up, he had become really angry..

"BUT YOU DO!" I shouted, glad that we were the only ones on the street. "You do, when you're late and don't inform me, you do when you're embarrassed and secretive of me, you do when you never really tell me what's on your mind"

"You.." he frowned. "And YOU GO AND DO THAT"

"YES because MAYBE, MAYBE HE would actually LIKE me!"

He seemed to be taken aback. And I was properly crying. And I felt the cold wind against my face and hands. It was too bad we're ruining the effect of the beautiful cherry blossoms.

"Stupid.. STUPID STUPID STUPID", he was now pulling his hair in anger.

"Bakugo, stop! What are you doing!" I rushed out and grabbed him by his shoulders forcing him to look at me. And I felt guilty and sad to see him this angry but this had to mean something.

He looked away, avoiding my gaze at all costs.

"I should be asking you why are you being like this now..", I said softly. "It.. hurts to think about this, but did it feel like you were losing towards Kirishima?"

No answer.

"I'm sorry anyways, I am too tired to argue anymore and I'm sorry I kissed him. I.. didn't think it'd make you angry"

"Tsk, what are you apologizing for, loser.."

Bakugo's voice was soft and quiet..!

"I should be the one saying sorry. I FAILED don't you understand? I didn't make my feelings clear to you"

What?

"All this time, I've been failing to this, I don't no a thing about romance"

What?

"And you never even said anything, either! You just went along when I first kissed you!"

I had nothing to say. Suddenly, everything seemed so meaningless, because he was opening up to me.

"Bakugo.."

"No, shut up, you listen to me now. It drives me crazy cause I can't concentrate and think about you all the time! I LIKE YOUR STUPID ASS"

This can't be for real. I've always wanted him to open up but I never..

"SAY SOMETHING"

"Can you.. say that again?", I was too startled.

"Weren't you listening?!"

"No, I was, it's just that I liked hearing you say that.."

I'd forgotten I'd been holding him weirdly and suddenly felt conscious about being so close to him, when I've been closer to him so many times before, but not like this.

"Tsk, I like you stupid ass, stupid", he frowned jokingly and it was his turn to wrap his arms around me. "I like your stupid stupid ass."

My cheeks have probably never flushed as this much before.

"I like you"

He kept repeating and I felt like I could faint.

"And I promise, I won't ignore my feelings anymore and I won't be USELESS!"

I backed away to look at him.

"Bakugo,.. does this mean, we're really together?"

And Bakugo blushed!

"Yeh" he simply said.

I couldn't help but smile and the cherry blossoms were beautiful around us.

Then, Bakugo tightened his grip on my waist and brought me closer. He kissed my cheek and looked at me again. And I couldn't decide over staring at his eyes or kissing him that moment.

But I couldn't bring myself to stop, I leaned forwards and felt his soft pouty lips against mine, his warmth transmitting to my skin. And we didn't pull back for a few moments.

"Do you want to stay over, Bakugo?"

And he nodded excitedly as we walked home together.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

[kamilah-the-bloodqueen]

I drafted something up because I finally got a little inspo n needed a refresher before resuming my actual works/series. 

“Hey Kami, how was your day?” I gently wrapped my arms around my lover as she closed the apartment door. I could feel her heartbeat quicken, I could sense something was wrong but I didn’t understand what could be wrong. “Did something happen at work?”

I felt her body tense in my arms before she shifted away from me and brushed her suit jacket off. I dropped my arms to my side and furrowed my brows in disappointment and concern. 

“No, everything is just fine darling, I’m just tired.” I got the feeling in my chest where I didn’t quite believe her, and when my eyes met hers, I knew I was right. I made my way over to the couch and I gestured for her to seat herself beside me, which she did.

“Kami...something’s wrong...talk to me...I can’t help you or fix anything if I don’t know the problem…” I pleaded softly with her, I wasn’t fond of arguing or burying my nose into her business - why would I - relationships are built on trust, but it would be a cold day in hell before Kamilah Sayeed would ask for help. 

“I’m just...overwhelmed. It’s nothing you should stress over dear, I have a handle on it.” She cupped my face with her hand, her thumb softly tracing the edges of my lips as my body began to respond. 

“Alright...well...I mean...just don’t work yourself too hard...I was going to ask if you wanted to join me and Lily for a night out but I assume you’re too tired?” 

“Yes, I’m sorry, maybe another time.”

“Sure, I’ll see you later?” 

“Of course.” 

As the apartment door clicked shut I felt my face grow hot and my eyes began to water. Something felt wrong, something was wrong - or was it? Was I just overthinking the whole situation with my inner thoughts? Or do I really have a reason to be worried? As I walked back to my apartment I thought it all through, I told myself over and over again that it was only my insecurity and that there was nothing to worry about. 

“I’m just being paranoid…” I mumbled as I unlocked the apartment, my hands shaking from the nervousness I had caused myself while thinking of all the possible problems that plagued my heart and mind. 

“Hey bestie, I’m surprised you’re back, I thought you were staying with Kamilah tonight?”

“No, she’s too tired and I promised you we’d go out tonight.”

“Oh se we’re going? Fantastic because I just bought this new outfit!” My body language must have given me away because as soon as Lily turned to me, her entire mood shifted.

“You look exhausted and not the ‘I just got railed for the past eight hours’ exhausted. What happened? We can stay in tonight if you want to?”

“No no, I’d like to go out tonight. Come on, let’s go get ready - it’s only 7 pm.”

As I stood in the mirror I admired myself, maybe it was that my parents never dressed me in properly fitting clothes, or maybe it was that I just didn’t like the style, but I looked damn good in this outfit and I was going to be proud of it. 

“Come on girlie! We’re gonna get stuck in line if we don’t hurry!” 

I popped out of my room, and Lily and I made our way out of the apartment and hailed a cab to our favorite NYC club. 

“It’s not too late to want to stay in if you’re not up for this.” Lily nudged me softly, encouraging me to be honest with myself.

“I want to go out, ruminating over it will just make it worse because I tend to overthink things that are simple and don’t need to be overthought.”

“At least you’re self aware, but I want to be supportive of you taking care of you.” 

“You’ve always had my back Lil, I’m grateful for that.”

“Hey, you’ve seen me drunk, wasted, high, depressed, angry and all sorts of fucked up and you helped me - I’m returning the favor.”

“We’ll call it even.” 

As we pulled up around the club, I spotted a figure going inside - she almost resembled Kamilah. 

“Is that Kamilah?” I asked as Lily saw her too, she glanced at her for a minute before shaking her head.

“Bestie, you ought to get your eyes checked, did you smoke today or something? I mean she looks similar to Kamilah but not every tall, slender brunette is Kamilah. Come on, let’s get you a drink before you start getting me confused.”

I sighed and followed her inside - hoping I wasn’t just being paranoid. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So I said ‘shut the fuck up before I punt you’ and then I left.” The bartender laughed as Lily continued to slowly charm her. I leaned my back against the bar, and checked the time, 8:45 pm as the alcohol started to kick in as my footing became less stable. I scoped out the dance floor - and I thought I saw Kamilah - until she turned around to look nothing like her. 

“Damn, I guess paranoia really does something to me…” I mumbled before knocking the shot down my throat. I turned around and looked for Lily but I couldn’t find her, and I must’ve had too many drinks because Kamilah was everywhere? And nowhere? Fuck it, I needed to talk to her, to either help her or ease my anxiety and insecurity. I glanced at my phone, 11:53 pm. Jesus, and I thought I only had...oh...I should go home…

I don’t remember how I ended up at Kamilah’s apartment - but here I was - drunkenly swaying back and forth outside the door as I fiddled with the key. It finally clicked open and it was dark but it smelled really good inside - like honey clementine. 

“Weird, it usually smells like lavender.” I giggled softly as I stumbled to Kamilah’s room. I leaned my head against the door, attempting to regain my lost balance and that’s when I heard it - when I heard her. I thought it was just my drunken state that made me hear strange things but I had never gone from drunk to sober so quickly as I heard it again. Someone was in there with Kamilah. Someone was in there having sex with Kamilah - and from the sounds of it - it was really good sex. 

I felt the tears building in my eyes, but I felt a burning anger building too - and for once - I let the anger out first. 

“What the fuck is going on.” I opened the door and switched the lights on with surprising accuracy considering I didn’t remember how many drinks I had. I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorframe as the scene unfolded like any cliche cheating movie scene. 

“I…”

“Who are you?” 

I met the woman’s eyes and instead of wanting to beat her lifeless, I found her expression to be as equally confused as my own. 

“Nobody important. That’s never been fucking clearer. Kamilah don’t just sit there, you lying sack of shit - say something? Do you have anything to say at all?”

My heart wasn’t ready, it wasn’t ready for the dead, piercing silence that followed. The wave of cold soberness that overcame the warm fuzzy feeling as I realized the silence was the answer to my questions. I gave one last look at Kamilah - allowed my heart to indulge its fantasies once more before I closed the door and didn’t look back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 days later

“Hey...hey come on you’ve gotta open up...I know the wound is still fresh but you haven’t left your room in 2 days...at least come eat something...I ordered all your favorites...literally every one of your favorite dishes from your favorite restaurants. Please don’t let them go cold…” I could hear it in her voice how much this hurt for Lily to watch - I didn’t want to imagine how she felt. Here she is trying her absolute best to cheer me up and keep me going and I’m laying in bed - totally unresponsive.

“...no? Not hungry…? I’ll stick it in the fridge for you...I...please just take care of yourself...you’ve always been there for me and...I care about you so please...just...if you need anything - anything at all just let me know…”

I faintly heard her footsteps grow quieter as I dragged myself out of bed, my head was spinning and I felt like I was going to faint.I opened the door and nearly stumbled over nothing trying to make it stop. Lily made her way over to me, her mouth was moving but I didn’t register a single thing coming out, I just shook my head and let the tears fall. Something must’ve happened because she seated me on the couch and opened the door, and started yelling. I had to investigate and when I saw who stood on the other side - all my senses came back to me.

“YOU’RE A LYING PIECE OF SHIT. I COULD KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID, WHAT YOU PUT HER THROUGH! GOD ITS ALWAYS ASSHOLES LIKE YOU WHO GET TO LIVE FOREVER WHILE ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE DIE. HOW COULD YOU, YOU HURT HER, YOU BROKE HER DON’T EVER SHOW YOUR FACE HERE AGAIN OR ILL ACTUALLY KILL YOU. YOU’VE LIVED LONG ENOUGH.” Lily screamed as I gently nudged my way between the two of them.

“I’m...I’m sorry...I…” Kamilah stuttered, I wondered if it was from seeing my disgusting and sorry state, or if it was from Lily’s screaming or just for the fact she had actually broken my heart.

“There’s nothing left to be said. If you had anything important to say to me - you should’ve said it two nights ago - not now. Do you know how you hurt me? Do you know what the past two days have felt like for me? I’m betting you don’t.” I held my tears back, I had to - I couldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing it still hurts even though it was pretty obvious it still very much hurt.

“You know what? I’ll save you the speech, go home. I don’t want to see you.” I turned away from her and pulled Lily inside as I shut the door. 

“I’m proud of you…” Lily hugged me as my body went cold. 

My heart is broken, but I’ll piece it back together slowly but surely until it is even more beautiful than before. 

[weasleypogues]

written in the stars (f.w. au) pt. 2

hiii soo happy people liked the first part!! im actually obsessed with this au so this is so much fun to write! again, requests for other characters are open! :) let me know if you want to be tagged in this small fic! part 1 here!

tag list for the fic so far: @daddystevee @nojamsonmytoast @thebadassbitchqueen 

masterlist.  part 3.

hope you enjoy it !!! xx

your eyes scanned over the words again and again as your eyebrows furrowed together. balderdash. what could that mean? absolutely nothing could cross your mind as you stared at the black ink that was soon fading away. you felt frozen in place, astonished to see writing as you were waiting for this day for what felt like forever but confusion nonetheless.

“i should write back, right? does he know that this went through? clearly he’s older than me....” you spoke aloud, trying to wrap your head around it. you felt somewhat guilty feeling like this. you should have been excited to see words from your soulmate, knowing there was someone out there, but this was all such sudden change that you knew where you had to go. you felt the urge to run to cedric and ask him any and all questions you could think of. 

basically sprinting to the hufflepuff common room without look extremely suspicious to any onlookers, you tapped the barrell and the door to the common room opened with one swift movement. you walked through the threshold and glanced at the fellow housemates and gave them warm smiles and they wished you a happy birthday.

“thanks guys, anyone know where cedric might be?” you asked, slightly out of breath and looking more frazzeled than one should look on their seventeenth birthday.

“is the birthday girl looking for me?” you heard a voice from the boys dormitory stairs call out. your nerves calmed and you spun around looking at cedric who had a wide smile on his face. “happy birthday , (y/n/n)! i got you this.”

you took a small box from cedrics hands and gave him a big smile, the stressful thought being pushed to the back of your head for a moment. you untied the white ribbon from the silver box and lifted the top to see three bars of honeydukes best chocolate and lifted it to see a picture frame. in the picture was a picture of you and cedric hysterically laughing at whatever joke was told at the time, looking as happy as ever. the frame was an off-white color with sage green vines designed around it. you smiled widely and glanced up at him with tears brimming your eyes.

“it’s beautiful, cedric. i love it!” you responded, placing the box to the nearest table and wrapping your arms around his neck and squeezing. he returned the hug and you could feel the vibrations of his body as he must’ve chuckled. you pulled away still smiling.

“was there something specific you were looking for me for? was it about your pen?” cedric inquired as if he literally read your mind. you heart rate increased slightly, as the previous moment passed and you grabbed the smaller box on the table next to your new gift. you held it in your hands and you looked up at him.

“so all i know right now is that i’m younger. they wrote something and it showed up on my forearm and i kinda freaked out. what does that mean?” you asked, switching your glance back and forth from his eyes searching for answers as soon as possible. he sensed your stress and placed both of his hands on your shoulders.

“okay, first off, ease your nerves a little bit. it’s not going to help.” he stated and you felt your shoulders relax themselves and took a deep breath. “assuming that you got the writing on your arm specifically means that he wrote it on his arm as well. he probably did it to remember something and has no idea that you even got it yet. what did it say?”

“balderdash?” you said in more of a question, wondering if that was the right word and what it could’ve meant. cedric’s own eyebrows furrowed together and his mouth opened slightly to speak but closed soon to take a second to think. you bit your lip and tried to maneuver your mind through this internal maze to figure out what that could possibly mean. 

“i think i’m being too narrowminded right now. i’m trying to connect it to someone at hogwarts when it could literally be almost anyone in the world, right?” you asked, your heart sinking at the thought that maybe your soulmate wasn’t at hogwarts right now. you instinctively cracked your fingers and threw your head back.

“look anything is possible. but i could have sworn i heard that word recently.” cedric stated his own eyes darting around the room as his brain tried to make sense of things. “until something sparks in my mind, try writing back to him? this should be exciting, don’t stress yourself, love.”

you gave him a small smile and nodded slowly before licking your lips and reaching for the marble pen. your took a deep breath, a smile forming on your lips coming to the realization that this is a memorable moment.

wow i finally get to talk to you.

you wrote on your forearm, glitter trailing after the pen’s tip and soon leading to plain black ink before slowly disappearing. you paused and could practically hear the blood pumping in your ears. 

oh my god. happy birthday, love. finally! 

you giggled aloud and showed cedric who failed to hide his own smile and looked at you, “see! nothing to be worried about!” you felt more at ease and dazed as you were literally talking to your soulmate. 

footsteps pulled you out of the small trance you had at your forearm as the ink disappeared. you looked up and saw malia with a wide grin on her face. “(y/n)! happy birthday!” you giggled and thanked her, pulling her into a hug.

“oh my god! your pen! have you written anything yet? have they written anything yet? ahh! this is so exciting, i’m so happy for you.” malia basically squealed. a smirk rose upon your lips, realizing how literally perfect she was for cedric and you nodded.

“they wrote bladerdash earlier and than i kind of froze and freaked out but i wrote and he wrote back!” you announced, happiness oh so evident in your tone and a blush rising to your cheeks. malia tucked a piece of hair behind her hair.

“balderdash? if i’m not mistaken, angelina said to me that was the gryffindor common room password. they’re holding a bit of a secret party before classes on monday and said to invite a few people and let myself in.” malia exclaimed, putting the pieces together to your puzzle. an overwhelming feeling you soon determined was excitement bubbled inside you as you listened to her. gryffindor? so they have to be a student at hogwarts! 

“ooh, got yourself a bit of a brave one there, don’t you (y/n/n)?” cedric teased, wiggling his eyebrows. you held the pen in your hand a little tighter, eager to write on something. you grabbed the nearest piece of parchment, completely over having to write on your own skin and saw the glitter emitting immediately from the tip of the pen.

balderdash? afraid you were going to forget your common room password, huh?

you giggled at your sarcasm and wittiness and looked back up at the couple in front of you. they shared your excitement and cedric spoke up, “i hate to break this up but why don’t we go down to breakfast? i’m sure people wanna see the birthday girl.” 

hogwarts student, eh? this’ll be easy.

you blushed and rolled your eyes, realizing the birthday attention was going to significantly increase today because of your new little pen. you clicked the pen and put it back into the box, grabbing the parchment, hoping what he had to say would appear on their instead of your forearm. “let me get jada and than i’m ready when you are!” you raced upstairs to grab one of your roommates and the four of you made your way to the great hall to reconnect with the rest of your house. 

as you stood in front of the great hall doors, it hit you right then and there that there was a great chance your soulmate would be sitting at the gryffindor table right now, that is if they enjoy breakfast. you gulped obviously and looked over at cedric who was next to you. 

“don’t get too freaked out. they’re going to be just as excited as you are.” cedric calmed you down, acknowledging the nerves you were clearly emitting.

“i’m not the best with change. and what if they see everyone wishing me a happy birthday and come up to confront me. or worse what happens if they don’t say anything at all and are embarrassed?” 

cedric said nothing but gave you a look that said that you were overthinking it. he pulled you in for a brotherly hug and you two made your way into the great hall, your eyes only slightly darting to the gryffindor table a couple of times to play it cool. 

you sat with your friends who were all extremely interested in your pen and tried to make their own guesses on who it may be. “it has to be someone in gryffindor obviously, and older than you!” you let your eyes trail to the table and tried to weed out who it may be until you heard a slight explosion come from the slytherin table. slytherin students were fleeing the spot, their shirts covering their noses and gryffindor students laughing at their rivals evacuate from the spots. you spotted the weasley twins high five each other and put together it was one of their up and coming dungbombs. they were both laughing and you couldn’t help but chuckle as well but subtly wanted to make sure the slytherin students were okay.

“ugh, if you got one of the weasely twins, you would be so fucking lucky!” your friend lola exclaimed, basically swooning at the thought of them. you grinned and rolled your eyes playfully before taking one last sip of orange juice and rising from the hufflepuff table.

“i’m stuffed, anyone wanna go to hogsmeade?” you announced and you friends agreed immediately. you snuck the marble pen out of your pocket as you made your way out of the great hall and opened your palm.

see you at the gryffindor party later?

the glittery remnants disappearing along with the black in. your palm tickled as you looked down at the quick response.

can’t wait.

[spidersbane]

Hello! Can I get MCU, The Hobbit, and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. ship? 💚

Appearance: She/her. 179,5cm tall, rectangle body shape. Fair skin complexion with quite a few birthmarks. Dyed brown with honey-red highlights, shoulder-length, straight hair with bangs. The left eye is a mix of two colors – a smaller portion of (darker) greyish-blue and a larger portion of hazel; while the right eye is just a (lighter) greyish-blue. Heptagon face shape with two dimples on the left cheek and one on the right cheek (only visible while smiling). A gap between the upper front teeth.

Personality (good and bad traits): Ever since I was a kid, I was always quite mature for my age – I identify myself as an old soul. I come off as polite and well-mannered to strangers, yet I tend to keep it to myself by being reserved. But, that’s because I have social anxiety and I’m nervous and shy when meeting/talking to people. The only people I’m comfortable with being with my inner circle – closest friends and family. I am usually more “open” with my friends than with my family. With my friends I can be my “truest-self” – I smile more, I laugh more, I feel more accepted and understood. I am the mom and the fashionista of the group. Don’t get me wrong, I am fiercely protective of my family, especially of my mother and younger sister. But, lately, I’ve been feeling like the “black sheep” of the family, Cinderella who’s been taken advantage of. I express my affection for the people I care about in little, but practical, ways. I can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Others turn to me for help and advice. I’m kind-hearted and generous, always ready to help a person in need. Always have been motherly towards children. Very awkward at keeping small talk (usually with people that I’m not that close with). Absolutely, hate speaking in front of a public, and if I do, because of my nervousness, I tend to mess up my words and/or I practice whatever I’m about to say in my head at first. I appreciate the simplicity and am often most comfortable when I’m not getting too much attention from the world. I am sensitive – both to criticism and to others’ feelings (I sponge up the feelings and moods of people and the environment around me). Have a hard time saying no or expressing my true thoughts, feelings. I get influenced by other people’s opinions/thoughts quite hard (I take everything to the heart), that is why I tend to keep a lot to myself (may come off as a little bit tense, secretive, mysterious). I avoid the harsh reality by daydreaming (almost every day) – imagining myself in situations far from my current circumstances. Sort of like a self-escape. I worry a lot and overthink almost everything. I am easily distracted and my attention span can be quite short. I have an internal struggle between my needs and wants. I can lack focus and be indecisive as a result – when I decide on one route, I am pulled in another direction at the same time (“But what if…”, “on the other hand...”). That is why I’m having a bit of a struggle with deciding what I want to do in the future (career-wise). I am easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. There is a self-destructive side to me (self-critical, lack of self-confidence) that I’m working on by confronting my fears (coming out of my shell). Don’t like taking pictures, or other people taking pictures of me. I feel most content when I’ve straightened out all the details of everyday life. I have a routine, that I follow by mostly every day, and if something small changes in that routine, I start to have a small internal anxiety attack. Also, I like to do things my own way, like, when it comes to cleaning the house or organizing stuff, etc. I get triggered even if people don’t do the laundry the way I do. I guess you could describe me as a perfectionist, clean/control freak. In triggering situations I can be impulsive, spontaneous, quick to act. Quick flare-ups of anger/annoyance when being provoked on my patience. Even when I’m feeling low, I manage to find humor in life and have fun with whatever I do have. Although I tend to bottle things up, I am an emotional person and my emotions are genuine – I love and care deeply and passionately and wish no ill will upon anyone, yet it hards for me to imagine someone falling in love with me or just liking me.

Hobbies, likes: My hobbies are cleaning, writing (re-writing song lyrics, making small notes, writing stories), listening to any type of music, catching up on my favorite films and TV shows, hanging out with friends, going to the cinema, or the club, being out in nature, reading, traveling. I like history, cooking, fashion magazines (or fashion in general), road trips, spirituality, mythology, books, orange juice, previous decades, cottage-core, dark academia.

Overall: Hufflepuff. INFP-T. Bi-sexual. Pisces-Aries cusp sign. “Looks like could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll.” A feminist, support LGBTQ+ community. That’s it, thank you!

hey @pataim ! thanks so much for sending in your request, and thank you so much for your honesty about yourself. like it takes a lot to air yourself out like that, and I admire your strength for it. but also fINALLY a 'Man from U.N.C.L.E' ship! I love that movie and attempt Illya's accent all the time, so this will be fun :)

For the MCU/Marvel - I ship you with Steve Rogers/Captain America ! 

no one can tell me that Steve doesn’t have a set routine honestly, so let me just get that out there 

he seems intimidating at first, esp as a public figure and Avenger, but Steve is nothing but passionate about what he does. so it may clash w your lack of direction, but I could honestly see him envying that a lil bit, like it’s not that you don’t have direction, it’s the fact that you still have a choice in the matter. 

your love of history put you in a museum, here you bumped into Steve in a horrible disguise. he struck up the conversation first, and once you got past the whole “holy crap that’s Captain America”, you could actually engage with him in the material and boi was he smitten 

he would love to join you when your rewatched your fave things, bc not only is he catching up on more media he missed out on, he’s also getting to know your interests in a way that’s comfortable with you. it avoids all the small talk, but leaves room for discussion after the film/show ! 

since you tend to sponge up a lot of what other people believe, it’s totally Steve who actually tries to question what you think and what you feel about things. he’s someone who encourages you to have your own opinions and to stay true to those thoughts. so while with him, you can rely on him to learn about yourself, you also gain skills for independence

overall, Steve is super patient, and despite his chaotic job as Cap, he takes comfort in his routine, and would find comfort incorporating a partner’s routine into his life. and as you grow in a relationship with him, he’s patient about teaching you how to be your own person, and helping you learn more about yourself. and while it’s uncomfortable, you grow stronger throughout being with him :) 

For The Hobbit - I ship you with Bilbo Baggins !

Bilbo is the definition of introvert, and you're right there with him

not that introversion is ever a bad thing, bc it isn't. but Bilbo is quite content to sit in his little hobbit hole and vibe. like Gandalf had to come find him, ya know. dude disappeared from his own bday.

but anyways. it's not that Bilbo lacks purpose, it's just that he's more content with a quieter life. and it seems like his quiet life would balance you out well! like the Shire is so so chill, and there doesn't really seem to be a lot of pressure on the hobbits to pick a profession. like they just genuinely do what needs to get done.

similarly, Bilbo is the type who seems a little bothered by mushy displays of affection. exhibit a: disappearing from his own bday. like he's much more the type to refill your tea when y'all are reading by the fireplace, which he would totally do w you

it will probs take you a little while to warm up to each, given just how introverted you both are. but when he explains that he has set ways of doing things, then if they're compatible w your ways of doing things, then it doesn't take you long to open up to him

like it'll be a little jarring, but he takes comfort in his routines too. and it'll be an event trying to incorporate both of your ways of life together, but he's willing to do it

overall, yours is a very quaint partnership, built on deep respect for one another. neither of you are going to push the other to do things you aren't into. and y'all just live your best lives together tbh :)

For The Man From U.N.C.L.E - I ship you with Illya Kuryakin !

I love my big Russian spy so much, so this is fun for me

so Illya is the epitome of reserved and generally quiet, so it might take a while to really break down his walls and talk to him. and he's not quite sure what to do with you once you join the team

but, he's playing his game of chess alone, and when you sit down and ask to play with him, he opens up a little more after that

if you're one who get sent out on mission with the team, get ready, bc sometimes those missions require a lot of improvising. but you'd probably be at whatever 'base' was, helping run operations from a more secure place. but Illya and Napoleon improvise a lot, leading to a lot of headaches for you and Waverly

Illya has small bursts of anger, but similar to Gaby, most times, you can intervene and he doesn't get violent. or when he does, he tries to make sure it isn't in front of you. but bc you care so deeply for him, you're there for him in the aftermath. and that's how you show your love for him.

by patching him up if he gets cut, by talking him down when he's angry. and just generally trying to take care of him. and he totally does the same for you, especially if you get sent out into the field

and much to Illya's dismay, Solo doesn't refrain form making jokes about you. but if you can take them in stride, then Solo welcomes you into the team just as well :)

[yer-cute-when-you-scream]

Already Yours~ Lee Minho

WARNINGS:Fluff, Angst, Insecure!Reader, Self Doubt, (I am def forgetting things but I am at work and rushing to post this! I’ll edit this later)

A/N: This was requested by the lovely @btrombley13​! I really hope you enjoy this, and I’ll fight anyone who is mean to you bb <3

It seemed like the days got longer, I found myself dissociating more in my classes, laying in bed at night and overthinking everything. 

Does anybody else really care about me? 

Do they just pity me and that's why they still tolerate me? 

Why did my friends cut me off? 

Why won't they explain why we're no longer friends? 

All these questions run through my head, it's overwhelming and I'm exhausted. I tried so hard to study and not get into my thoughts, but here I am in the library, overthinking, again. 

Usually, I would go to Minho for comfort because I always look up to him, he gives the best talks and advice, but I feel like I'm bothering him, what if he leaves me too? I'm brought back to Earth when I hear my phone go off, I pick it up and see it's a text from Minho. 

Minho: Hey angel, are you free to hang out tonight? ^^

I smiled at how he used the nickname he gave me; I didn't understand a dirty joke he told me and he said I was ’Innocent like an Angel’ It's been weeks since I have seen him and I really miss him, I began typing a reply to him.

Me: Yes! What did you want to do? 

Minho: Movie night here at the dorms?

Me: Sounds fun, I'll message you when I'm on my way

I stood from my seat and placed my books in my bag, I realized I had one of the library's book and walked through the aisles to put it back. There were two girls on the other side of the bookcase, I couldn't really see them but when they spoke I recognized their voices; they were two of the friends that cut me off.

They were gossiping about someone, so I ignored them and kept looking for where the book went, then I heard my name and realized they were talking about me.

”She's so pathetic, doesn't she see that no one really cares about her?”

”I feel bad for that one friend of hers, Minho, can you even imagine the stress she puts on him?” 

”I know right! He's an idol, that alone is stressful. Now add her whining and clinginess.” 

I felt tears fall onto my cheeks, am I genuinely like that? My chest was tight and I was frozen in place, listening to how they were trashing me before talking about Minho and how gorgeous he was and how he should just ditch me already.

I finally had enough, after quickly finding the books rightful place and putting it there I rushed out of the library, I took my phone out and messaged Minho.

Me: Nevermind, I'm just gonna stay home tonight. I'd rather not stress you out even more than you already are, I'm sorry. 

I got into my car and sobbed against the steering wheel, I was too deep in my feelings, I felt so pathetic; just like they said. My phone vibrated once, meaning I just received a text, I didn't look at it and then it vibrated again and again. 

Minho: What do you mean?? You could never stress me out 

Minho: What happened?

Minho: Angel please talk to me 

Me: Nothing happened. Just hang out with the boys, I'm sure you'll have more fun.

I didn't receive a reply.

I don't know how I sat and cried in my car, but the sun was setting now so it must've been a while. I finally pull out of my parking space and start driving to my apartment, I feel so emotionally exhausted and the thought of curling up on the couch seems so wonderful. 

I unlocked my door and pushed it open, kicking my shoes off and walking towards my living room and kitchen. I noticed the light was on and just shrugged it off, I must have left it on by accident, I look over and see the sliding door to my porch is open and see a bag of takeout food next to the double seated chair I have out there. 

I look around confused and see Minho’s leather jacket laying across my couch, I don't hear anything, so I call out for him.

”Minho?” 

He immediately pops out of the kitchen with our favorites drinks ”Hey angel,” he says, he sets the drinks down and walks towards me. 

”I know you said you didn't want to hang out, but I also know when something is bothering you.” 

I look away in guilt, I feel even worse that he came over here because I let my feelings take over ”I’m sorry, you didn't have to come over here, I'll be fine,” I mumbled, I felt arms around me as he pulled me into a hug. 

”Stop. I wanted to come here, I wanted to show you that I care about you. I'm always gonna be here for you.” 

I tried to blink away the tears forming in my eyes before he could see them, but when he pulled away a tear fell ”Please don't cry angel,” he whispered and wiped it away. 

”We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but you know I'm a great listener and have a shoulder for you to cry on.” 

I nodded and let out a small ’Thank you’ which makes him smile, he kisses my forehead and grabs my hand and our bottled drinks ”Come on, I got your favorite food out here.” 

He leads me on to the porch and I see he turned on the fairy lights I had out here, we sit down together and he grabs the bag of food, we begin eating and talking about his upcoming comeback, what's happened in our lives the past few weeks, etc.

After we finish eating we sit back and gaze up at the stars, looking for constellations and shooting stars then pointing them out to each other. 

The air was slightly cold but tolerable for myself until a breeze came through, I shivered while hugging myself and Minho noticed. 

”Cold?” 

I nodded and he opened his arm ”Come here, I'll keep you warm,” he spoke softly, I scoot closer to him and he wraps his arm around me as I rest my head on his shoulder.

I blush at our closeness, it's not like we haven't done this before but I've always had a small crush on him, Minho can just make my heart skip a beat without even trying. 

”Thank you for this Minho, you're really amazing,” I say while I look up at him.

”You don't have to thank me, I would do this every night if it made you happy.” 

I raise my eyebrows at him in disbelief, he's just trying to make me feel better, there's no way he would do that. He notices the look on my face and gets a serious one on his. 

”I’m serious, your happiness is important to me. I would do anything to make you happy,” he assures me, keeping his eyes locked with mine, I can't help but ask him ”Why?”

I see him nervously gulp, his eyes unreadable ”Because you mean the world to me,” he confesses, my eyes soften and I'm at a loss for words.

He strokes my cheek and slowly leans in, I don't try to stop him as I wonder if this is a dream or not, our lips touch and mold together as if they were made for each other.

He pulls away and rests his forehead on mine ”Since the day I met you, you've always been the one for me, I've always wanted you to be my girl,” he whispers to me.

I pull him back into the kiss and  he deepens it, sparks flying and lips moving in sync with one another before I pull away to tell him ”I’m already yours.”

[sdvharveybby]

*ahem* PLEASE DO A FIC BASED OFF YOUR HARVEY AND PREGNANT WIFE HEADCANNONS PLEASE

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE DEAR BBY ANON. I was honestly so excited to write this that I wrote it in a few hours. Just woo!

The headcannons were my inspiration for this, but I hope I captured everything :0 

**edit** Headcannons post where this all came from -- Here!

I had a lot of emotions, myself, when writing this. Mostly do to personal reasons, but I enjoy writing about Harvey in this way. I think it truly captures his nervous, but caring personality. That he would do all that he could to provide the best care for his pregnant wife.

In any case, I hate to say it, but I feel like this jumped around a bit- heh. Honestly there was so much I enjoyed from the headcannons that it was genuinely hard to pick just a few! I hope you enjoyed this though! I did my best and loved every minute of it! Thank you so much for the ask! (Also, the small ‘ahem’ in the beginning legit killed me. It’s so funny)

Word Count: 1918

The farmer cracked open her eyes one sunny morning. She could tell she slept in past 6am, but she was too groggy to be mad; her body felt stiff and her mind heavy, as if a headache was coming on. She pulled the covers over her head and shifted her body to try and get more sleep- she would have fallen asleep if she didn’t start to feel nauseated. It came on quickly and was growing more, the farmer shot up from her bed throwing the blanket behind her. She covered her mouth and bounded towards the bathroom, “H-Honey?” she could faintly hear as she ran past Harvey holding a plate of breakfast for her. The farmer barely made it to the toilet when she threw up any contents in her stomach. With heavy footsteps, Harvey ran into the bathroom after her, “Honey, are you-. Oh, I see.” He remarked as he crouched beside her and pulled her hair back. “I have some water here,” he mentioned as he switched hands to stroke her back as she threw up again.

There was a momentary pause as the farmer tried to gather her breath, “Oh, wow,” she whispered to Harvey. “I know, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He reassured to her, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead. She would have appreciated it more if she didn’t immediately throw up again, “I promise that’s not because you kissed me,” she chuckled to herself. Harvey laughed and continued stroking her back until she felt like it was over. He handed her some water and walked back to the kitchen to grab medicine and a lemon slice. When he came back, she was standing and holding her head, “Maybe you should lay back down. I asked Marnie to help me with your farm work today so there’s nothing for you too worry about.” He smiled and the farmer nodded her head in agreement. She took the medicine that Harvey offered and grasped the lemon slice in her hand, walking away and smelling it. “Oh, we have a long way to go, but I’ll be here for every minute of it.” He whispered to himself with a soft smile.

After a few weeks of helping her with her morning sickness, it had quickly become about 30ish weeks since they found out that she was pregnant. Every day it was a surreal moment for Harvey, he almost couldn’t believe that it was true. The closer it was to her due date, the more he got emotional- many years he spent pent up in his apartment above the clinic. Many sleepless nights and many lonely ones- it was an eye-opening moment for him when he realized he would be a father. It scared him, no doubt. He feared he wouldn’t be good enough or if he provide enough for his family. What if his child didn’t like him? What if they rejected him or liked his wife more? He knew he was overthinking it and that he would do his best to provide his wife and child with anything they wanted, but he couldn’t help to think of his worst-case scenarios sometimes.

He still worked at the clinic, Tuesdays, and Thursdays to do annual check-ups on everyone in town. He compiled a list of questions to ask when he knew one of the mothers in town would be coming in. It was Summer, day 18, and he knew Robin would be coming in. He decided to ask her because she took things seriously but kept things light enough that he would be most comfortable asking her.

He stood and approached the front door when he saw Robin already inside and waiting, “Hey, Doc,” she smiled as she stood. “Hello, Robin! Follow me.” They made there way into the back as Robin complained of her right arm hurting again, “I’ll take a look, but it’s probably because you work too much. You need to give your arm a break now and again from swinging your ax,” She laughed a bit, “Yeah, but you know how I feel about that.” He sighed but carried on with her check-up.  “Looks like you’re good Robin, but please give your arm a break!” He scolded her but she just held up a hand dismissing it. She began to walk out when Harvey stopped her, “Actually, could I ask you a few questions?” Perplexed, Robin sat on one of the stools in the room, “I’m all ears!” He smiled and pulled out a long list of questions he had- Robin peeked at some of them, her eyes wide with amusement. “Ha, you’re worried about being a dad, aren’t you?” Harvey blushed and broke her eye contact, “Well, yes, but also, I want to make sure I’m taking care of my wife well and wanted to ask your experience with pregnancy.” Perhaps… Robin wasn’t the best person to ask because she named off every single thing she could think of for providing the best care for the farmer. Robin made it her mission to prop up the farmer in every way to get her everything she wanted. It took about an hour of talking, but once Harvey understood it all-, she began walking to the door, “Oh, and when your wife suddenly breaks down into tears, just hold her. Sometimes it’s best not to ask questions!” She laughed, leaving Harvey a bit confused.

He made his way home from work, reviewing everything he and Robin talked about. She was so quick to answer every question he had, but she reassured him in all the ways possible. His biggest stress relief is when she looked at him with honest eyes and said, “Harvey, you’re thinking about this too much. You’re going to be a great dad. Just take every day as it comes.”

It calmed his thoughts greatly as he walked through the door. He was greeted with his wife sitting at the table, she turned and looked at him, “Welcome home, love.” He dropped his stuff to the ground and walked to his wife. She was a bit confused, but she smiled, “Everything okay?” Harvey bent down on his knees and hugged her and the baby. He was careful not to disturb the baby bump in any way, but he wanted to drink in his wife’s love after his day at work. She began combing her hands through his hair, “Everything is just fine.” He reassured her as he used his thumb to stroke her belly. It was peaceful to feel her love and feel accepted by her. He was floored that he was going to be a father, and he was humbled to know that he had the best wife in the entire world at his side.

He sprung up from their tender hug when he felt a kick against his hand. “O-oh! The baby! It kicked me, did you see it, honey?!” His eyes were wide with excitement, a rosy color growing in his cheeks. His wife giggled a bit as she watched her husband. His heart rate sprang up and he gently placed his hands on either side of her belly, he watched it carefully and said, “H-Hey! You can hear me! I’m your daddy! Yeah! I’m your father, and I promise to protect you for the rest of my life.” He gave her belly a soft kiss when he felt another kick. His eyes sparkled, brimming with tears, as he watched their child move within her. He helped women give birth for some time now- it never fazed him or affected him like this. This was something totally new that he was experiencing for the first time. This time it was different. This time it was their child- he married the woman he loved more than anything in this world and now he would get to watch his child grow before his very eyes. A few tears fell as he watched this unfold. It was a magical moment that brought tears to his wife’s eyes too. He hugged her belly, shedding a few more tears as he did so.

Through the rest of the night- things went on as they normally did. He would check her ankles to see if she had any swelling and he was relieved when she didn’t. He would rub lotion on her stomach to prevent any stretchmarks and routinely made healthy balanced dinners for his wife. Everyday he would brush his wife’s hair and style it like she normally does- course he messed up a few times, but eventually got the hang of it. She was internally grateful for Harvey. He provided her with as much comfort as he could, and whenever she had any cravings (no matter how weird) he would do his best to get them for her. He eventually started coming home with tomatoes though, considering that seemed to be what she requested the most. When Pierre would question him on all the tomatoes, he’d explain it for his wife. Pierre laughed and would send him on his way, “My wife requested tea leaves once! Not even the drink! Just the leaves!” Pierre would share through his laughter.

Everything had been going smoothly until he came home one night to find his wife in a fit of tears. He dropped anything he was holding and immediately ran by her side. She sat on the couch, holding a blanket to her chin, constantly wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. “What happened? Are you all right?” She didn’t respond, just continued to cry as she clutched the blanket. Retrieving her some water, he sat beside her and held her tightly. “It’s all right, I got you.” He whispered to her, which seemed to make her cry even harder. It overwhelmed him to say the least! He figured he would take this as any regular day, but she seemed to have other plans. He collected his own thoughts and wondered if this were the hormones talking, She should have primarily experienced this in the first trimester. They level off after a few months… He thought to himself as he continued to hold her. She finally broke through with a few hiccups of tears, “I was cleaning today- and- and,” He had no idea what she was trying to say! She half mumbled them, but she continued, “and I saw the books on your table, and those love letters!” She cried again, clutching onto Harvey, Heh, well suppose I can’t surprise her with that now, he sighed with relief when she said this, “I planned to give you a love letter after you had had our child.” He explained and she sat up to blow her nose, “Th-that’s just so sweet,” she managed to say. Harvey grew a big smile when he saw her- any fears he had had melted away, and he had begun to shed a few tears himself. “You know I love you, right?” He spoke as he reached up and wiped away a few of her tears. She leaned against his hand, “I-I know.” “Mm,” He started and pulled her into another embrace, “No,” he whispered, “I mean really love you. You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. I love you with all my heart.”

The rest of their experience together went by smoothly for the remaining time. The time was approaching that they would both meet their child for the very first time, both elated and nervous, they had each other for support.

[rezzyromance]

Could you do a platonic thing with the four lords with a reader that comes out to them as trans and is like really really nervous that they'd hate them afterwards?

Sure thing!

Alcina

You stand in front of the bathroom mirror, stressfully trying to think of the right thing to say to Alcina to come out to her as transgender. You and her had formed a close bond and she allowed you to live in the castle with her. The last thing you wanted was to ruin your friendship and have her hate you. The thought alone made you feel like crying. "Okay .. deep breaths." you repeat to yourself as you try to calm down. "Alcina...I am.. transgender.", you say into the mirror, knowing for a fact it won't be that easy. You're close to giving up until you hear a knock on the bathroom door. "Hey (Y/N)... you okay?", you recognized the voice as Bella, one of Alcina's daughters who you also had grown close to. "Uh yeah! Sorry! I'll be out in a second!", you nervously fix your appearance and exit the bathroom, only to be face to face with Bella outside the door. "What is transgender?", she asks. Your heart races at the realization that she heard you. "Well umm... it's when.. you don't really feel connected to the gender you were born with. Like, you feel like you're actually the opposite gender than you were born as.", you attempt to explain. You watch as she stares at you. You can almost see the gears in her head turning as she was thinking. "So... you're that?", she asks. "I think so, yes. And I feel like I should tell Alcina but..", you try to think of the right words to say. "She won't care, (Y/N).", she says. "You've been transgender this whole time, right? So, what's different?", she was still a bit confused on the subject, but she had the spirit.

"I don't think she'll care either way. Just tell her when you're ready.", she assures you and smiles before turning into a swarm of flies and flying away. She brought you a new found sense of confidence and you began to make your way through the castle to find Alcina. She was in her bedroom. You respectfully knocked before opening the door. "Come in.", you hear her voice ring. You open the door and step into the room. She was sitting in front of her mirror, applying lipstick. "Hello, (Y/N).", she smiles and looks at you through the mirror. Her smile brought you comfort and you took a deep breath, preparing for your confession. "Alcina... I have something I need to get off my chest.", you say, studying her reaction. She pauses from applying her lipstick and doesn't move. "Oh? What may that be?", she waits for your response.

"I'm transgender.", you say, freezing seconds after speaking. She then turns around to look at you. "Trans... gender?", she cocks her head in confusion. "I identify as the opposite gender than what I was born as..", you explain, overthinking what her next move may be. "Ah, I see.", she turns back around to continue putting on her lipstick. "Well, I don't see what difference it makes, but I'm glad you told me.", she finished and puckered her lips before standing up and approaching you. "I am glad you felt comfortable telling me, though. Is there anything else I should know?", she asks. "I'd like for you to use my preferred pronouns when talking to or about me.", you say. "It shall be done. Thank you for telling me, (Y/N).", she smiles a motherly smile that makes your heart warm.

Donna

Your good friend Donna Beneviento had invited you to dinner and tea at her house tonight. It wasn't unlike her to do this. Invitations to spend time with her were rare for many, but not for you. You were one of the only people in her life that she felt comfortable enough to actually spend time with. She usually goes through a constant struggle of being very lonely, but not trusting anyone enough to get close to them. Thankfully, you had each other. You trusted her with your life and she felt the same way for you. It felt nice for her to have a good friend that wasn't a doll.

You're usually excited to join Donna for dinner, but this time you had a bad feeling. You have to come out to her as transgender. Even though she's a very generous and understanding girl, she can be a little unpredictable at times, so there was no telling how she'd handle the news. And of course, your brain automatically imagines the worst case scenario. You look over at the clock and realize you're almost late. You bottle up your anxiety and try to keep it together as you make your way to her house.

Once you get there, you're greeted by her friendly face. She had only recently felt comfortable enough around you to unveil herself. Her smile was warm and the large scar on her eye didn't bug you at all. "Welcome.", she smiles and closes the door behind you. "Sorry for being a little behind. I got a little side tracked before coming here.", you anxiously scratch your neck. "it's okay (Y/N). The tea is still hot.", she motions towards the kitchen where she had recently made tea for you both. "(Y/N)!", a familiar voice calls from beneath you. You look down to see Angie waving up at you. You smile. "Hi Angie! How are you?", you crouch down to try and get on her level. "I'm alright. Hey wait a minute..", she places her hand on her chin and begins to stare intensely at your face. A wave of anxiety flows over you and you fear it's strong enough for Donna or Angie to sense it. "Did you do something new with your hair?", she asks. "Umm yeah just trying out a new style. Thanks for noticing.", you awkwardly laugh and stand up once again, trying to appear confident in hopes to not raise any suspicions.

Donna lifts up Angie and walks to the kitchen as you follow behind. You watch as Angie begins to whisper into Donna's ear. Donna glances over at you and you feel as if your stomach is being twisted. What could she have said? Why is Donna looking at you differently? You continue to try and keep your cool and join Donna with a cup of tea. "Would you like to sit? Dinner will be done soon.", she says. You nod and sit with her in the dinning room. The room is uncomfortably quiet. "I think our guest has a bit on their mind.", Angie says. "Angie, don't be rude. (Y/N), is everything okay? You seem to be stressed about something.", Donna looks over at you with concern. There's no way you can just pretend that nothing is wrong. There's no way you can promise her that there's nothing you want to talk about. So, you prepare to take the plunge.

"Donna, I recently came to an understanding about myself...", you begin. She continues to stare at you, anxiously waiting for the worst. "I.. I'm transgender. I've actually known for a while but never felt comfortable enough to really say it out loud.", you look down at the tea cup in your hands, not wanting to make eye contact. "Well, I'm glad you told me.", she says. You look up and observe her face. There's no ill feelings in sight. In fact, her face is glowing. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I just didn't know how you'd take it and I was worried that maybe you would be upset.", you sigh, letting out all of your pent up energy. "Well I see nothing wrong with you! You're still one of my best friends and always will be.", she gives you a warm smile and continues to sip her tea. You do the same, smiling as you feel the anxiety finally evaporating from around you.

Moreau

Sal had invited you to another movie night, this being the 3rd one this week. You're his only friend and he treasures you and the time you spend together. You too enjoy spending time with him. He's always been friendly and caring towards you, but you feared of that changing. You didn't want to keep the fact that you're transgender from him. It's such an important part of who you are and it didn't feel right to keep it hidden from the closest person in your life as if it were a dirty secret. But still, something in you wanted to keep it quiet, scared of how things may change. Of how he may react. He had never been angry or upset with you, but that didn't eliminate any anxiety on your conscious.

You knock gently on the door of his shack to alert him that you have arrived. He was quick to scuttle over to the door, greeting you with a large smile. "Hi (Y/N)! I made sure to get your favorite snacks since you said the other day you weren't feeling very good!" You had forgotten that you told him that. Last week he had invited you to a movie night but you declined due to the overwhelming anxiety of all the "what ifs" in terms of how he'd react to finding out that you're trans.

You walk over to the little couch with the tv in front of it and see the many snacks he had on display in front of you. All of them were snacks that you had mentioned liking over the past. It was heartwarming to see how much he truly listens and remembers about you. "Thank you so much, Sal. You're too nice." "I try. So, are you feeling better? What was wrong?", he begins to question you. You take a deep breath and prepare. Is now a good time? Is any time a good time? Your lack of a response causes his smile to shrink, slowly turning into a concerned frown. "(Y/N)... are you alright?"

"Moreau.. I'm transgender.", you admit, looking at him as you wait for his reaction. "Oh no! Is that bad? Are you okay?! Can I help?!", he begins to panic. His reaction causes you to laugh. You didn't realize that he would most likely have no idea what being transgender meant. "No I'm fine. It just means that I don't really identify as the gender I was born as. Does that make sense?", you attempt to explain it simply to him to avoid any more confusion. His panic ceases and you watch as he tries to decipher exactly what you're saying. "So.. nothing's wrong with you?", he's still focused on whether or not you're okay. "Yes, Sal don't worry I'm okay. I just was worried to tell you because I didn't know how you'd react. Nothing is different other than the fact that you know now.", you assure him. "As long as you're happy and okay then I'm okay and happy.", he smiles, still a bit confused but fully on board to support you.

Heisenberg

Karl wasn't really one to make friends. He was always a bit of a lone wolf, feeling as if he wasn't likeable enough to have friends. But, you two had a bond that he had never felt before. He didn't get annoyed when you were around. He didn't view you as annoying or a burden. You laughed at his jokes and understood that any of his snarky and mocking comments were just jokes. You took his harshness and always reflected it back onto him. He liked you so much that he even decided to let you help him work. He let you know about his plan to take down Miranda. You supported him and did your best to help out.

While you did spend a lot of time together, whether it was working together or just joking around with each other, conversation never got too personal. He never revealed too many details about his past and never got sentimental. You did the same. With that being said, you never knew how to come out to him as trans. It seemed so personal that you worried it may make him uncomfortable, but it felt as if the secret was constantly causing your anxiety to grow worse and worse.

"Hey kid, I'm gonna be working on a new cadaver. Wanna help out?", he offered. As gruesome as it is, you do occasionally help him work on dead bodies. You had formed a tolerance for the disturbing work. "Uh yeah sure.", you agree and follow him to the room where he performs his experiments. The room was cold and you were met with the sight of a corpse laying on a metal table with a blanket draped over it. You and Karl step into jumpsuits and put on rubber gloves in attempts to work in a sanitary fashion. He rolled a cart over to the work station with multiple tools, some surgical and others being his own creations. "Alright Dr. (Y/N). Scalpel", he lays his hand palm up, waiting for you to hand him his desired tool. You do as he says though you're not fully concentrated on the task at hand. Your thoughts were too flooded with troubling thoughts of how he may react to your confession. "Alright can you get the bag from that table over there so I can put his heart in it?", he asks.

His words sound like mumbling to you as you zone out further. "Hey Dr. (Y/N). Yoohoo.", he waves his hand in front of your face, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Yeah?", you panic, not remembering what he had just asked you. "What's going on? You gotta pay attention for this type of thing. Get me the bag.", his tone was slightly aggravated. "Sorry.", you rush to grab the bag and make your way back to him. He takes the bag from you and begins to put the organs inside. "Alright now can you go place this bag in that bucket so I can dispose of it later?", you zone out again. "Dammit (Y/N) what's your deal?", he snaps his fingers. You begin to panic. "Umm I uh", you stutter as you try to gather your thoughts. "I'm transgender.", you blurt out, regretting it instantly. The room was quiet for a second. "Okay?.... Does that prevent you from putting this poor son of a bitch's organs in the bucket?", his response caught you off guard. It's almost as if he didn't hear what you said. "Um.. no.", "Okay. Then do me a favor and put these in the bucket and close it tight before it starts to smell worse. You do as he says, confused as to how he just moved on from your words.

"So... you don't care?", you ask after securing the organs inside of the bucket. "No? I mean do you want me to?", his words could be seen as harsh if taken out of context, but you knew he didn't mean anything harmful. In fact, that was just his way of being supportive. "I mean I don't know. I just felt like it was important to tell you but I didn't know how you'd react.", you watch as he walks over to a shelf covered in what looks like clutter. He grabbed an invention of his that can simulate a heart when attached correctly to a corpse. "Hey, I don't care what you do or what you are. As long as you don't fuck up what I'm working on then you and me will be on good terms.", he smiles and slaps your upper back, knocking the wind out of you slightly. He then lets out a snarky laugh and begins to attach the heart to the body in front of you. As you gather your breath back you smile to yourself, happy to know that he still supports you in his own, weird way.