#looks into the camera like he's on the office
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call me !
ft. 21+ bf Toge Inumaki
Thinking of 21+ Toge Inumaki who calls you up at work just to make you...
"come"
Not here, no no no no--
Your body struggles to resist his power, but after a few seconds you're squirming in your office chair.
Bringing your hand to cover your flushed face, you start telling him that it's not funny and that his lunch break check ups were really sweet..
Until this started.
It's not as if you two can talk much anyway, it's just nice to hear him on the other side of the phone; even his breath, or his laugh.
But when he gets into this mischievous mood you know he won't stop.
"Toge, I'm hanging up I have to--"
"stay on the phone"
"Ah- Toge--!!!" You scream, alerting your co-workers who start looking over their desks.
"Toge.." you shout whisper, cupping the phone to your face, "you can't keep me on the phone all day- I have to work!!"
You hear him giggling from the other side, making you wonder what the hell he's planning next.
"go to the bathroom"
For fuck's sake.
You groan and your body gets up by itself, taking you to a private bathroom stall where your arm rises and opens the door.
Having your body move like this was very unusual the first few times, but you're getting used to the feeling of being completely controlled, and realistically you do trust him.
"lock the door"
You can't help but think he's wasting his power, messing with you like this.
"touch yourself"
"Toge..."
Your face heats up immediately as your free hand starts roaming around your body, undoing your blouse, feeling under your bra.
It's like he's actually here, touching you himself.
"touch your clit"
"ah.. Toge.."
He wants you to feel it.
Making you come on command is fun and all, but it's over so quickly and he really loves to build you up.
He wishes he could tell you so many things.
But right now he would love to tell you what a good girl you are and that he's imagining how pretty you look.
And with your skirt pushed up and your blouse undone, looking all hot and bothered.. he isn't wrong.
"take a picture of yourself"
"Oh~ Toge.. really?" You're moaning and complaining about the matter but you've already opened the camera on your phone.
Your finger presses the screen and a series of cute, filthy pictures are taken. Between your hand down your panties, rubbing yourself, and your boobs spilling out of your top, you do make a very pretty picture.
He doesn't have to tell you the next part.
You send them to him immediately and hear him moan from the other side.
"Ohh.." fuck, he wishes he could thank you for those.
But instead he just pushes his hands down his shorts and starts stroking himself.
You can hear him starting to breathe heavier and you know exactly what he's doing.
"Toge.. I.. have to.. get back t--"
"Uuhh.." another moan comes through the phone and you know you're staying on the line till you're both done.
You know what he wants.
"Toge.. will you help me come?"
You can hear his breathy panting from the other side but not a word in a reply.
But he's focusing on your voice, the way you're whimpering his name, the shortness of your breath. The precum is just dripping out of him at the sight of your pictures and he needs to hear you a little more.
"Toge.. I wanna come.. now.." your finger is circling around your wet clit, just like you would do if you were alone. But you haven't been alone in so long, having such an attentive partner as Toge. He would never let you do this by yourself normally. And now you're here, locked in the bathroom at work, fingering yourself weakly, you're having trouble.
"Toge.. I need.. help.."
You admit, you sound pathetic.
But it's getting him harder.
"Ugh.." you hear him grunt and he's biting his lip on the other side, gripping his phone to his ear so he can hear your every breath.
He needs more, though.
"beg"
Your thighs start trembling now, your head rushes with the feeling of his power, once again, and your mouth opens automatically-
"Please.. please let me, let me come, Toge?" you plead down the phone, afraid that any second the bathroom door could open and one of your hapless colleagues could walk into you whimpering to yourself.
"Toge.. I'm begging, please, please tell me to come..."
The embarrassment overwhelms you with the words spilling out of your mouth, but he has got exactly what he wanted.
Oh, how he wishes he could stroke your hair and give you a kiss for begging him so nicely.
But instead he will reward you with pleasure.
"come"
"I-- ahh-- Toge.. th- thank you.."
Your relieved and happy moans take him over the edge, as he gets his own release, sighing down the phone as he finishes with a grin on his face.
A few seconds pass as you both catch your breath and regain your senses.
"Toge, you're a menace," you roll your eyes, buttoning up your shirt and pulling your skirt back into place.
You laugh together over the phone and you hang up, getting a text shortly after-
see you later for round two ^^
toge
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#female reader#21+ toge#toge inumaki#toge#toge x reader#toge inumaki x reader#inumaki toge#jjk inumaki
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special report | salesman (recruiter) x reporter!reader
scenario: ever wonder how the VIPs watch the games before they arrive on the island? reporter!reader delivers the highlights of each game to viewers around the world. and a certain someone is their biggest fan. setting: in seoul between the second game (dalgona) and the special game during season 1 warnings: reader can be any gender, but this was originally written with fem!reader in mind; reader also works for the games; they're both just not nice people lol (but we love them anyways!); no use of y/n; second person POV word count: 629 notes: someone in a reddit thread had a theory that the VIPs would watch highlight reels of the first few games and this story popped in my head. salesman is called recruiter here since that's his official title. i love this guy sm (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) please enjoy! borders by @strangergraphics-archive
“And that concludes our coverage for Day 2 of the Games. Please stay tuned for the Special Game, which will take place in two hours.”
You bowed to the camera, only straightening your back upon hearing the director yell “Cut!”. You shuffled the papers on the desk in front of you, then checked your phone.
Three missed calls.
You snorted, a small smile forming on your lips. You pressed on one of the missed calls, the number redialing on your screen. Bringing the phone to your ear, you waited for the recruiter to pick up. It didn’t even ring once before his smooth voice came through the speaker.
“Finally.”
You sighed, leaning forward to prop an elbow on the desk. “You know I’m at work. You of all people should know that.”
You could picture his cocky smirk.
“Care for a bite to eat? My treat,” he offered, which you accepted. There was still an hour and a half before you had to return to prepare for the Special Game.
You met at the tiny kimbap shop down the street. While you both could afford a fancier restaurant, a cheap, filling meal was all you needed right now.
“So,” you started, pouring hot barley tea into your teacups, “Did you catch any of the last game?”
He nodded, resting his chin on his hands with his elbows on the table. “Very entertaining, as always. You never cease to impress me,” he praised.
Taking a big sip of tea, you scoffed, “Oh please. I’m the least interesting part of the show.”
“Oh?” He cocked his head. “Why is that?”
Shooting him an unimpressed look, you spoke, “Did you not see the same footage I did? The utter fear when they had to carve out the dalgona?” You laughed, “And when that guy got shot and slid down the slide… You just can’t make this stuff up!"
Pouring some more tea into your cup, you continued, "Seriously though, watching those players carve out the umbrella shapes was priceless. They were so scared!” With a shake of your head, you sighed, “I can’t believe some of them actually passed.”
The recruiter chuckled, leaning closer to you. “While that was amusing, I found your performance to be far more enticing.”
A blush crossed your cheeks, but you quickly shook it off, clearing your throat.
“I try my best. By the way,” you motioned towards him, “You’ve outdone yourself with the players this time. A perfect mix of competent and woefully tragic players. I’m not sure which I like more.” You shot him a smile, which he returned.
“Oh, and the group with the Host? Hilarious,” you grinned. “I can’t believe that 218 and 456 were childhood friends.” You tapped your fingers against your teacup. “But I guess, at the end of the day, trash is still trash.”
The lady running the shop arrived with your food, and the two of you ate in comfortable silence. However, you couldn’t help but notice the recruiter’s intense gaze lingering on you.
Once the recruiter paid, the two of you left the restaurant, and he walked you back to the office.
“Same time tomorrow?” He asked, briefcase in hand.
You hummed, “Tomorrow is Tug of War, and there’s still lots to prepare before the final games.” You took a step towards him, a teasing smile on your face, “Why, miss me already?”
He huffed, “I can watch you any time.” Bringing his lips to your ear, he whispered, “But I prefer being near you instead.”
You tilted his head to look at you and kissed him on the cheek. Turning to enter your office, you looked back and called to him.
“Until next time, my dear recruiter!”
He flashed his signature smirk.
“Take care, my lovely reporter.”
#squid game#squid game season 2#the salesman x reader#the recruiter x reader#the salesman x you#the salesman#the recruiter#squid game fanfic#squid game x reader#squid game x you#gong yoo x reader#reader insert
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Mom Plays BG3: Ep.2 - “Look at Him, He Wants It”
She’s getting better at moving around. It’s hard to explain but she doesn’t turn the camera to look around before she starts clicking around to move 😀
Mom: “I’m trying to go behind me.”
Me: “You should turn the camera so you can look behind you.”
Mom: “I’m worried I’ll get lost.”
Me: “I know a way to help you from getting lost.”
Both of us: *Silence.*
Me: “The map-“
Mom: “The map.”
Mom: *Slowly turns the camera - Not because she doesn’t know how, she just turns it very slowly for some reason.*
Mom: “I think… I need to walk that way…”
Mom: *Immediately starts clicking the opposite way she wants to go.*
Me: “You can… check the map.”
Mom: *Keeps clicking for a bit then stops.*
Mom: *Checks map.*
Mom: “Oh I’m way off.”
Me (softly): “yeah.”
*Both of us laugh.*
She’s definitely getting the hang of things. She successfully got to Zevlor’s office by herself using the map 🥲 They grow up so fast.
Rundown of what she has done this time:
While we were starting the game up she said “I kept thinking about what happened. It kept me up, I couldn’t sleep just thinking about him (Gale) getting mad. He really rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t know about this guy.”
Saved the kid from the Harpies. Actually, she did that yesterday, but I forgot to add it.
Saved Arabella but after failing two persuasion checks. She was stressed throughout that whole interaction. Before that, she had talked to Arabella’s parents but didn’t know what was going on and told them “thieves deserve to be punished.”
“I didn’t know what they were talking about! To be honest I have no idea what’s going on. Or what any of this means.”
Her first reload. Luckily I had her save before that. She then told them they had their work cut out for them lol.
She took the wyvern toxin from Nettie. (Afterwards I told her “Oh, she tried to kill me when I wouldn’t take it. We fought to the death.” My mom was just like “…Well. Doesn’t mean I have to drink it. I’ll just keep it. I wasn’t gonna take it, are you crazy?”)
We long rested and she talked to all of the companions. I think she really likes Wyll.
Told Zevlor she’d kill Kagha.
She stopped the Tieflings from killing Sazza, but failed a couple of persuasion checks. Left Sazza in the cage.
Sazza: “I don’t need you.”
Mom: “Well… that’s enough of that.”
Also accidentally clicked to search the body of that first Tiefling who died at the gate when the Goblins attacked, and right in front of the one mourning over his body 😬 Gets scolded.
Mom: “I didn’t mean it! Let me see if the other one wants to talk…”
Mom: *clicks on other mourning Tiefling.*
Tiefling: “Can’t you see we’re mourning!”
Mom: “I just came over to say sorry.” (Booked it after lol)
Killed the Bugbear assassin and saved the tiefling by the telescope.
Talked to the Tiefling and learned about soul coins.
When her TAV had the coin in her hand and was looking at it, Gale was in the background smiling.
Mom: *Points at Gale.*
Mom: “Hm. Look at him, he wants it. Uh-uh. This guy’s trouble.”
My mom is not afraid to use the illithid powers. If there’s an option to probe minds, she does it immediately lol.
She went to that area with the spider egg pouch and Raphael showed up there which confused me. (I’ve just always had him show up at the bridge. I had her save). Here’s the thing about my mom - she’s pretty religious and doesn’t like ‘devil’ stuff lol I collect tarot cards and she HATES it lol. It creeps her out. So Raphael shows up and transports her to the House of Hope with the feast on the table and the fireplace. My mom knows nothing about this guy. Her immediate reaction:
Mom: “Now this is more like it.”
I’m sitting behind her so she can’t see my reactions to what she’s doing and I’m losing my shit, wondering if she’ll make the deal or not. She’s been so unpredictable so far so I genuinely don’t know what she’s gonna choose.
Raphael: “What’s better than a devil you don’t know… A devil you do.”
Mom: *Silent.*
Raphael: *blah blah blah wants your soul.*
She doesn’t make the deal. Chooses the options that are like “I would never make a deal with a devil.”
Talks to the companions after and succeeds a check to probe Sharty Bae’s mind.
Talks to Gale last about Raphael.
Mom: “Okay now THIS guy.”
Gale: “Do you feel as flattered as I do? Invited to dine with the devil…”
Mom: “Of course you do.”
Mom: *Turns to me.*
Mom: “This guy.”
Gale made some valid points that she didn’t disagree with. I don’t think that Gale can say ANYTHING without her thinking he’s up to something. He did not make a great first impression lol She did slap his hand before she pulled him out of the portal.
Said he was addicted to magic but still agreed to give him magical items to consume, but she’s not thrilled about the whole thing.
OH YEAH SHE TOLD ROLAN AND THEM TO LEAVE THE GROVE. I’ve done two playthroughs and didn’t do that, so idk if that’s gonna change what happens to the tieflings at all 😬
She also takes time to read whatever notes or books I point out to her. I told her she didn’t have to, but she ignores me to read.
My mom @ Gale:
#shitpost#baldur's gate 3#bg3#gale#gale dekarios#i’m making my mom play bg3#dnd#bg3 shart#lae'zel#larian studios#mom#she also made her Guardian her type pretty much#can’t wait for that development#playthrough#I feel like she would like Minthara#but I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain passives to her#she almost exclusively uses her bow because she’s ’scared to get close’#I also wanted her to play because I wanted to see her reaction to the Emperor#might make her get Minthy#just so she can experience her#I know my mom is not gonna do a second playthrough#I'm excited for her to meet Halsin#Her guardian sort of looks similar to him#raphael#raphael bg3#update#lol
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King PJ! The King of all things Colorful and Cute!
Bow down to your king, and welcome this AU in open arms!
Basic Lore: pleasepleasepleasedon'tbethesametoanyotheraui'lldoabackflipmyselfinmysleepifitisplEAse/silly/lh
PJ won in the Puzzlevision Movie, and everything went swimmingly! He's got the friends that he was promised by The Star Herself and even a few more!
... So what now? He hadn't thought this far, after all.
He wants to play. That's all he's really thinking of now. And with playmates, it'll be extra fun! But what game should they play..? Aha! Kings! He likes that game!
So, he gets to work. The first change is that the Mushroom Kingdom is turned to Pajama Town, and EVERYBODY must wear Pajamas! The town's painted pastel, and everybody already looks so happy!
But what if somebody ruins this? Well, he requests the buildy-men to build a border/wall around Pajama Town. Nobody can get in without PJ's interference now!
So much is changed. TVs, cameras, and posters that tell of the King's friendliness line the kingdom, jobs are given to everyone, and housing becomes cheaper... Not to mention art is a form of currency now.
And even The Playhouse has a few changes! More rooms! Bigger, BETTER! A dining room, a better room for Sparkles, and PJ has a PROPER office, in which he has a throne! (It's a bunch of chairs stacked on top of each other.)
But the best part is that The Playhouse has a basement! In which he keeps his best friends. Watching TV. Away from the rest. Protected. Loved. Happy. This is better for everybody.
And now, PJ goes about his days playing a King! Everybody loves and praises him! Even The Star is proud of him,
~
HEHEJDFNDSHBFSHBF I LOVE THIS GUY!!! I HOPE U LIKE KING!PJ TOO!!!!!
#puzzlevision junior au#smg4 mr puzzles#mr puzzles#mr puzzles au#mr. puzzles#smg4 au#smg4 puzzlevision#smg4#edit added the back cape reference. because they are supposed to look like wings but it's still a cape!
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Oooh here we go, diving right back into Angst City with some manic Cowboy Sheriff. 😅
A computer mouse flung against the wall and only missed Jenny’s head by an inch as the blonde peeked inside his office. The rest of the station had selected her to talk to the big boss, his outbursts even being heard from miles away. “You okay?” Jenny checked carefully. “I’m tryna find that stupid camera!”
*snorts* Oh, he's not handling this well, is he? Can't really blame him, considering a serial killer has the love of his life captured somewhere. 🥲
It wasn’t just about what he had done in there but also about he’d said. No wonder Diane had gotten so easily under his skin. She probably had heard every insecurity he had ever uttered. To you. And to imaginary Randy. How was he supposed to sleep in a place where he felt exploited, exposed, and unsafe?
Oh Goddd, it really is awful. It's like nowhere in his life is private or safe anymore for him. How could you ever feel comfortable in your own office again?
And if the roles were reversed, Beau wouldn’t either. He’d probably be even more annoyingly persistent than Randy.
loll I could definitely see that. 😅
“This isn’t a game, Randy! We need to find Y/N before it’s too late,” Beau argued furiously. They didn’t have time for petty competitions.
THANK YOU. At least one of them is taking this situation more seriously than their rivalry. But I honestly understand and sympathize with Randy too -- he's grasping at straws even though he knows he's losing his (former) wife emotionally already, even if he does manage to find the key to saving her before Beau does.
“‘Sides, why would I give up my favorite part? I’ve waited a while for this one. Killing her? While you two idiots watch helplessly and throw feces at each other like monkeys in a zoo? Gotta say, it’s better than killing twenty-four people combined. Ever since I met Deputy Popcorn, I’ve been actually craving a snack.” Upon Beau’s facial twitch, Diane leaned closer and whispered with a smirk,
Ok, just shoot this bitch out back and bury her under the sheriff's office. Honestly. 😤 (But the monkeys line did make me snort lol)
“About four years ago, she wrote a rather lengthy email to her sister Sophia in Seattle. She seemed very upset. Said there was a little something you wouldn’t give her. Ring any bells?”
Dammmmn how the hell is she getting this information?? But now I'm looking at Randy sideways even harder. 😒
I was on pins and needles throughout all of the reader's almost escape -- that bear trap actually made me physically grimace/wince!! Omg poor thing. But I loved how remembering Beau's advice helped her get out of the trap -- or at least the bear trap, if not Hal's "Benders"-themed game of hunt and chase. 😰
Pulling out their weapons, the two shared a look without speaking a word before entering the house, a feeling of familiarity rising in Beau’s chest. They were still partners, somewhere deep down.
Such a great moment between Beau and Randy here, and such great storytelling, especially as they actually start to work together to solve the mystery of what happened to the reader next. 👏🏽💜 I think one of the things I love most about your writing is you have such a great sense of story beats, creating tension and when to relieve it, and how to build character arcs that provide amazing twists, while also making exact sense when it all comes together, piece by piece.
Beau knew the question was mostly rhetorical, but true to himself, he still answered, “It’s actually pretty easy. Just press down on the springs, and the thing opens right up.” A smile formed on his lips as a memory popped back into his mind. “I told Y/N that once when we took a camping trip back in Houston. She probably didn’t remember it. I mean, honestly, I doubt she was even listening. I was kinda ramblin’, you know?”
Oh these two were made for her -- she was actually listening to his ramblings. 🥰💜
“Yeah, well, it’s true,” he said, his gaze cast downward as if he were confessing his sins to a priest. “She wanted kids, and I told her I didn’t. Neither of us was backing down. The night the cartel kidnapped me, we were supposed to have dinner and talk about it when I got home. Part of me already knew where it was headed.”
Remember earlier when I was talking about your amazing twists that make things click into place even more perfectly? Well THIS IS IT. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 It makes things with her and Beau make even more sense now that we know she was likely leaving Randy anyway, no matter how much she loved him.
“Good thing you’re not her father,” Beau snapped. He could only muster so much patience. “You don’t really have a say in who she’s datin’.”
YES, Beau!! I get it, Randy's been dealt a shitty hand, but Beau's POV in this situation and conversation is so valid. 👌🏽 (Especially since she was likely leaving Randy anyway.)
Regardless, it seems like they had the honest man-to-man talk they needed to have about everything. But Wayne!!! That cliffhanger is...
Polaris – Chapter 12
Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.
Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader
Warnings: 18+, a heavy dose of angst, kidnapping, violence, injuries, serial killers, death, an awful cliffhanger
Word Count: 6.8k
A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! 🥳 We jump straight into 2025 with an angsty banger 👀
Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List
Chapter 12: Through
On one of the sunniest mornings Helena had seen in recent days, the peaceful quiet of the early risers in the Sheriff’s Department was disturbed by one restless sheriff.
Beau was taking his office apart – bit by bit, nail by nail, panel by panel, brick by brick.
The search for you had gone on all night and yielded zero results. You were nowhere to be found. For all Beau knew, you could be dead by now and buried in the vast woods of Montana.
A computer mouse flung against the wall and only missed Jenny’s head by an inch as the blonde peeked inside his office. The rest of the station had selected her to talk to the big boss, his outbursts even being heard from miles away.
“You okay?” Jenny checked carefully.
“I’m tryna find that stupid camera!”
“Thought you already found that hours ago,” Jenny noted with a raised brow.
“Can’t be too careful…” the sheriff murmured, his focus landing on the pile of pens on his desk. The silver one – had that always been there? He picked it up. “Does this look normal to you?”
Jenny only offered a shrug.
“Never mind,” Beau muttered and reduced the pen down to its individual parts. Nothing. Just a plain, old pen.
“Did you get some sleep?”
“What d’you think?”
At five in the morning, Beau had promised Jenny he’d snooze for half an hour on the couch in his office. He did lie down, stared at the suspended ceiling tiles for about a minute, and then remembered the damn camera.
It wasn’t just about what he had done in there but also about he’d said. No wonder Diane had gotten so easily under his skin. She probably had heard every insecurity he had ever uttered. To you. And to imaginary Randy.
How was he supposed to sleep in a place where he felt exploited, exposed, and unsafe?
“Well, uh, I just wanted to tell you that Randy went into Interrogation Room 2 with Diane…”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah…” Jenny exhaled a deep sigh and leaned against the door frame. “He said you’d deputized him and authorized it, but I had a feeling that wasn’t true.”
Beau ran a hand across his face, rubbing his beard.
Rule #3: She’s my wife. I get to decide how we proceed.
Rule #4: You’re not the boss of me.
“Well, I did deputize him,” Beau admitted. He had given his former partner a long leash, not expecting he’d bolt through the backyard.
“Beau…” Jenny clearly didn’t approve.
“He left me no choice, alright?!”
Well, no choice his guilt could deal with.
The sheriff then left his destroyed office and thundered into Interrogation Room 2 down the hall. Randy wouldn’t get to do this alone. Beau knew there was an ulterior motive – if only Randy saved you, he could also miraculously save his marriage. Randy was a persistent motherfucker. He wouldn’t give up.
And if the roles were reversed, Beau wouldn’t either. He’d probably be even more annoyingly persistent than Randy.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Beau charged in with steam coming out of his ears. For a moment, his anger was so focused on his friend, he didn’t even notice the rising smile on Diane’s lips.
“Good morning, Sheriff Arlen.” Even if Diane’s voice sounded melodious, to Beau it was still chalk on board. “Remodeling the office, are we?”
“You mind?” Randy prompted stand-offishly, glancing up at the sheriff. “Kinda in the middle of something here.”
“Outside. Now,” was all Beau said.
Defiantly and miffed by the authoritative tone, Randy followed him to the hall.
“Play nice, boys!” Diane’s voice echoed through before the door fell into its lock.
“What d’you think you’re doing? You can’t just talk to our prime suspect without my presence!” Beau roared.
Randy rolled his eyes back. “Didn’t know I needed a babysitter…”
“This isn’t a game, Randy! We need to find Y/N before it’s too late,” Beau argued furiously. They didn’t have time for petty competitions.
“Yeah, which is why I’m talking to the only lead we have! That bitch knows where she is,” Randy countered with an equal amount of fury.
“She’s not gonna tell you!”
Randy only shrugged – cocky in nature and completely unlike him. And Beau then realized something that had changed: His friend wouldn’t back down anymore and bend. Those days were over, and it was probably Beau’s own fault.
“We’ll see,” Randy said stubbornly, his hand wandering back to the door handle. “You comin’?”
Beau inhaled and exhaled a deep breath before nodding – and back into the lion’s den they went.
Diane welcomed them with a sneer. “All made up?”
“Tell us where Turner took her,” Randy demanded with a stern expression and firm voice.
If Randy wanted to play bad cop, the role of good cop fell to Beau by default. And although they had never ever played it that way before, Beau figured Randy carried more anger than even him right now. He might as well let him make good use of it.
“Can’t.” Diane twitched her shoulders. “Hal doesn’t tell me.”
“Oh, and we’re just supposed to believe that?” Beau lifted a brow in mock. “C’mon, Diane…”
“It’s true,” she said, smiling. “Call it an insurance policy in case one of you Neanderthals decides to go rogue on me – looking at you specifically, Sheriff Arlen. If you leave your own partner to die in a filthy warehouse, I don’t wanna know what you do to your enemies.” She then looked at Randy, whispering behind her palm, “You know, I think he did it on purpose.”
Beau clicked his tongue and snorted humorlessly. “Alright, Diane, you’ve had your fun. You’ve wreaked havoc… You’ve won, okay? Fair and square. Just give up your partner, tell us where Y/N is, and end this once and for all. Might even get a better deal if you do. Think about it. Murdering an FBI agent doesn’t look good in front of a judge and jury. We have iron-clad proof you killed at least five people in Texas. Capital murder, death penalty… See where I’m going with this?”
“Oh, I’ve thought about it, Sheriff. And I’ve told you: I don’t know where she is now,” Diane reiterated with the same infuriating smile. Her gray eyes then wandered to a wall clock behind the men. “At least not yet.”
Randy and Beau both followed her gaze and stared at that same clock. Their eyes widened.
“Then when?” Randy prompted.
“Don’t worry. You’ll see her soon.” Diane smirked. “If she makes it out alive, she can tell you in person she’s choosing the rugged sheriff here over you, Detective Nichols.”
Randy’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching and unclenching under the metal table.
“I gave her a fighting chance.”
“Oh, you mean like the others?” Beau had known from the start that it would be useless talking to her.
“They all could’ve gotten out,” said Diane as if she blamed the victims for not being smarter and more durable. “‘Sides, why would I give up my favorite part? I’ve waited a while for this one. Killing her? While you two idiots watch helplessly and throw feces at each other like monkeys in a zoo? Gotta say, it’s better than killing twenty-four people combined. Ever since I met Deputy Popcorn, I’ve been actually craving a snack.” Upon Beau’s facial twitch, Diane leaned closer and whispered with a smirk, “Yeah, I know about the cute little nicknames for your deputies too, Sheriff. I wonder how many bugs you’ve found yet in your office. Sure it can’t be all of them. Maybe I’ve bugged the whole station. Who’s to say? Have you checked your trailer yet? The lovely agent’s motel room? No?”
Beau couldn’t pinpoint the exact feeling that clutched his heart and twisted it like a boa constrictor. Pain, fear, anger, sadness – a deadly cocktail for anyone. Was this throbbing sting in his chest what a heart attack felt like? Only recently, he’d read an article in the paper about a guy his age who just dropped dead. Was this it for him?
Would it mean he'd get to see you again, though?
“Enough of that!”
Randy’s voice rang in his ears, but Beau couldn’t refocus. He needed fresh air to breathe, his lungs dried up and clinging to every molecule like he’d been deprived of oxygen for days. The small room felt suddenly suffocating as the monster across from him sneered joyfully.
“Look, I don’t know if you’re saying all that horseshit ‘cause you wanna hurt him or me,” Randy said, his voice laced with a darkness Beau had never seen before.
“Little bit of both,” Diane teased with a shrug.
“Yeah, well, I don’t care either way,” Randy huffed, the deep creases in his brow casting threatening shadows on his face. “Do your worst to me or him. Hell, burn us at the stake if it makes you feel any better, sweetheart, but all I wanna know is where that bunker is. Where is she? Your beef’s clearly with us. Men, right? You know she doesn’t deserve this. Just let her go.”
Diane seemed unamused by the suggestion, leaning back in the metal chair. “You’re right. She doesn’t deserve this. I actually like her. She reminds me of me. But you two did this to her. It’s out of my hands at this point. You don’t deserve her, sheriff,” she said and looked at Beau before her cold eyes shifted to Randy. “Neither do you, detective. I know a lot of things – and not just about the sheriff here. I know what you did to her, too.”
Randy forced a tight smile. “You’re bluffing. I didn’t do anything.”
“Am I?” Diane quirked a brow and then sent him an innocent smile. “About four years ago, she wrote a rather lengthy email to her sister Sophia in Seattle. She seemed very upset. Said there was a little something you wouldn’t give her. Ring any bells?”
With a thick swallow and a glare swimming in his hazel eyes, Randy nodded. “We’re done here.”
Diane let out a long, suspenseful sigh, not bothering to engage further. Her icy heart wouldn’t melt. Her eyes flickered around the bleak, depressing room. “I miss windows. Haven’t seen the outside for days.”
“Yeah, and you ain’t gonna,” Beau huffed. He had quietly listened, his heart rate slowing down as his head started spinning with questions. You had never told him anything. He had never asked. It had been an unspoken rule to not talk about your marriage. Beau always figured knowing too much would only make it worse.
“Too bad. I always liked the autumn sunsets. When it gets dark sooner…” Diane then stretched out her neck. “Anyways, nice chatting with you boys, but it’s time for my beauty nap now. Which one of you two cowboys is gonna accompany me back to my cell, hm?”
The men shared a look and then wordlessly rose, leaving the room. In the safety of the hallway, Beau ran a hand over his face and took his first deep breath.
Air. Lungs. Brain. Without toxicity, he could finally think straight again.
“Well, this was pointless and a waste of our time. Happy now?” Beau huffed with his newfound lung capacity.
But Randy’s brow was furrowed. He was thinking. “Actually, yeah… Didn’t you hear what she said?”
“Yeah, bunch of narcissistic bullshit. She’s not gonna tell us where Y/N is,” Beau muttered bitterly. If possible, he wished to never converse with that psychotic witch again. There was only so much he could handle before snapping her neck.
“She said that she doesn’t know where Y/N is now,” Randy pointed out. “Maybe she wasn’t lying. Maybe Y/N’s not in the bunker yet. Turner might keep her somewhere else and wait till he can move her.”
“At sundown,” Beau mused, Diane’s words haunting his mind. “He’ll move her when it’s dark.”
“Which means we still have a couple hours to find her,” Randy finished the thought.
“Popcorn!” Beau yelled down the hallway. The sheriff found himself in better spirits. He hadn’t used a silly name for his most loyal deputy in days, although it ached a tiny bit to say it now. “Any properties in Newton’s name?”
“Yes, sir, several,” Mo replied.
“I need a list of all in the area. Get a team together and search ‘em. One by one,” Beau ordered. “Warehouses, cabins… Take it all apart. I don’t care.”
“And also see if any properties are in Hal Turner’s name and add them to the list,” Randy suggested.
Poppernak shot Beau a look, and only when the latter gave his agreement, did the deputy nod. “Yes, Sheriff Arlen.”
The obnoxiously loud sound of birds woke you from a deep slumber. Groggily, you pried your eyes open and found the first few beams of sunlight warming your face. For a peaceful moment of dazed bliss, you had no clue where you were or how you got here.
There was a thumping, searing pain in your skull, hammering away at your sanity like the ticks of a clock. Your neck and shoulders hurt from tension till you realized you were bound to an old wooden chair, a harsh and creaking surface underneath you. Your behind felt both sore and numb.
Glancing around the room, you noticed you were in the living quarters of a small cabin. A fireplace sat to your right. Above it, a cuckoo clock that showed shortly past noon, and you realized that must’ve produced the bird noise that woke you. The stinging sunlight reached your eyes and filled you with hope.
Hal Turner hadn’t locked you into a bunker yet.
“You’re awake. Good.” Turner entered the room with a bottle of water and a sandwich, throwing the items unceremoniously onto your lap. “You need to eat. We’ll leave soon.”
“Where are we going?”
“Where they all went,” he said and came up behind you. Turner wasn’t a man of tall stature. Small, middle-aged, nervous. Non-threatening.
Diane’s little ant.
He cut your ties, and you could tell his hands were shaking. They didn’t treat the others like that. Entertaining a victim had never been his job before.
Sedated, dumped, marooned.
That had been the pattern, and you hoped this little off-course adventure would pay off with your freedom. Your gaze drifted down to a lonely brown belt buckle.
Unarmed.
With free hands and Turner still vulnerably behind you, your arms shot up and wrapped around his neck. Fortunately, he wasn’t as heavy as Beau in training when you jolted him forward, jumped up, and rammed his face straight into your knee.
Unconscious for the moment, Turner tumbled to the ground, and you sprinted through the front door. You hoped it would give you enough time to find an exit.
But all you found was a vast sea of trees – towering pines that reached heavenward with no neighboring houses or roads in sight.
There was a shed to your left. Tools. You needed weapons.
And, most of all, you needed more goddamn time to think your way out of this one.
It wasn’t long till you heard the front door of the cabin slam open, heavy and angry footsteps aimlessly searching before they slowly circled closer to the shed.
Fortunately, your little hide-out had proved itself useful – and fully stocked. Turner had arranged his tools in a neatly organized manner. Nothing seemed to be out of place, screwdrivers hanging on the wall from small to big, pliers, drills, hacksaws… Your weapons of choice, however, fell on a hammer and the heaviest, biggest wrench.
Lurking behind the small barn door, you lay in wait till the old door creaked open and Hal Turner walked through. He only blinked at you wide-eyed before your first hit with the wrench landed across his right cheek. It was hard enough for blood to spew out of his mouth, and as he tumbled forward, you delivered your second blow – the hammer, this time, slamming against the back of his head.
Dropping the tools, you decided to take your chances and make a run through the woods for it. You still had a few fleeting hours till dark. If you just kept going, maybe you’d make it to a road or a town somewhere before you froze to death.
What a great outlook…
However, you didn’t even get farther than a few yards from the house before a sharp pain seared from your ankle throughout your entire body. Falling harshly and bracing yourself on the cold, wet leaves, you screamed out and looked down at the culprit – a bear trap.
Well, points for Hufflepuff!
Apparently, you had underestimated Turner. Ahead of you, you also spied some tripwire. Great. This place was a giant death trap – and you had already hated the woods before all of this.
Getting back onto your feet was not only hindered by the giant claws in your flesh but also the iron chain attached to the trap that tethered you to the ground. So, with your freezing hands, you dug out the metal stake that served as your anchor.
Then, the fucking bear trap – you knew this one would hurt like a son of a bitch. Carefully, you inspected the oozing wound, the razor sharp edges deeply clutching your skin at your lower calf and ankle. For a moment, you even swore you could feel the tips of their pointed teeth drilling into your bone. You tried to pry them apart with your hands but gave up on that idea rather quickly once the jaws cut your fingers.
Glancing at the shed, you saw the door was still ajar. It was quiet in there. Either Hal Turner was gone, solely unconscious, or currently bleeding to death. The shed was your Schrödinger’s cat. As long as you didn’t know which one it was, you still had time.
Taking several deep breaths, you closed your eyes and remembered the trip you took with Beau when you were back in Houston. The two of you drove camping in Piney Woods. For a few days, you were gone and unknown to everyone around you. You could just be you and him. No one had to hide anything. No one had to feel guilty. In those short days, you realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.
“Did you know bear traps are actually pretty easy to get out of?” Beau babbles a random fact in his usual manner when neither of you has said anything in a minute. He glances at you, a happy smile on his face as he intertwines his fingers with yours during a stroll through the green and lush forest.
“Huh.”
“Yeah, all you gotta do is not panic, get up on your feet, and press your weight down on the springs at the bottom. Just pops open and you can pull your leg out,” he explains with a popping sound, turning the little lesson into a show-and-tell.
“Don’t panic…” you mumbled to yourself and sat up. “Get up…” With a strained groan and your palms supportively on the ground, you heaved yourself to your feet. You winced as you put pressure on your injured leg and, therefore, tried to shift your weight to your good one. The main problem was the next step: “Press down.”
Mentally, you braced yourself before you slowly started to put pressure on the leg again. The jaws moved and wiggled in your flesh, but the pain was too much too bear. You bit down on your tongue as tears strangled your eyes.
Alright, next try.
If slow was too painful, then maybe the bandaid method was the way to go. Quick and painless, as they say. You inhaled and exhaled through your nose as you raised your foot a few inches above ground, making sure the springs would hit the uneven surface properly. Then, you kicked down.
The trap sprung open, you pulled your foot out, and released a primal scream that echoed through the quiet woods, surely disturbing whatever lived there.
And then, suddenly, Hal Turner stood in front of you with a shovel.
Diane’s listed properties came up empty. There was still no sign of you. Turner, on the other hand, had only booked a motel room in his name but hadn’t been seen there in weeks. So, Beau figured he had to be staying somewhere if he wasn’t sleeping in his room.
At four o’clock, the sheriff was close to a breakdown when all leads petered out and the daylight was almost gone. But then Cassie and Denise stormed the station, both out of breath, and brought forth a document that showed a property north of Helena in the name of a Diane Turner. It was a remote cabin in the middle of the woods, which also happened to be close to the location where the ambulance had picked up Randy.
Ding, ding, ding!
Beau gathered the whole cavalry and raced there as fast as he could. By the time he was ten minutes out, the sky had grown dark, the woods pitch-black around him. Switching on the Jeep’s headlights only added to the uneasiness in his stomach. His passenger was quiet next to him, but Beau could tell how worried Randy was by the way his left leg anxiously drummed against the floor mat.
Both of them thought it was too late to save you.
An access road, all dirt, led up behind the cabin, only making it a short hike. Turner’s vehicle had been parked at the fork where it reached pavement. They seemed to be on the right track. After all, if Turner was here, then hopefully so were you.
Beau and Randy were the first to arrive, the cabin inside dark without a single light on, not even a candle burning in the smudged windows. Carefully, the men stepped on the porch, the property around them quiet and undisturbed, but the front door was an inch ajar. Pulling out their weapons, the two shared a look without speaking a word before entering the house, a feeling of familiarity rising in Beau’s chest.
They were still partners, somewhere deep down.
The floorboards creaked under Beau’s boots as he treaded down the hallway. The cabin was small, only consisting of one bedroom, a living area, a kitchen and bath. While the men checked each room, Beau already knew you weren’t here anymore – if you’d ever been here to begin with. Maybe Diane had sent them on a wild goose-chase, another sick game created by the mind of psychopath, while you had been locked in a bunker all along, waiting for him to find you.
How much air did you still have left? Would he get to you in time?
“Beau!”
His partner’s voice drew him from the bedroom to the living space, his mind still rattling with the unspoken fear of losing you. His green eyes then focused on the beam of Randy’s flashlight as it shone on a wooden chair in the middle of the room, a set of cut plastic ties on the floor next to it. There was also an uneaten sandwich and an unopened bottle of water scattered on the ground.
And then, there were the trails, the little drops, and the sheer pools of blood everywhere that made his gut churn. Was it all yours?
“We need to get forensics here,” Beau said with a thick swallow, already pulling out his phone to call Jenny.
“That’s a lot of blood,” Randy said with a lump in his throat, his eyes transfixed on the little red pond by the tips of his feet. And although it was dark, Beau could see the color drain from his partner’s face.
“I know.” Beau bobbed his head quietly, gently clasping his friend’s shoulder as he held his phone to his ear.
The sheriff then informed Jenny of their findings, telling her to hurry any lab results along. The sooner they knew whose blood it was, the better. As he hung up, he noticed Randy following a trail of blood to the door, leading further outside. He shone his flashlight through the dense foliage before it landed on a little working shed to the right.
As Randy creaked the door of the shed open, with Beau behind him, both thought there was a high probability they’d stumble upon a body in there – if not two.
Instead, the shed was disappointingly empty.
Beau whistled lowly as the light hit the neatly arranged wall of tools. “Well, that’s some freak level organization.”
But Randy’s brow furrowed as his light landed on the ground behind the door. “There’s a hammer and wrench on the ground.” He knelt down to inspect it closer. “Got blood on it. Lot of it.”
Beau chuckled lightly and ran a palm over his face to keep the stinging tears of hope inside, which only confused Randy.
“What’s so funny? Y/N might be dead,” Randy said sourly.
“That’s not Turner’s doing,” Beau argued and gestured at the tools on the ground, his heart flooding with a tiny bit of relief. “Look at the wall. Why would he kill her with tools? It’s way too bloody. Guy like this can’t handle the mess. He had a perfectly fine gun. Would’ve been way cleaner if he wanted to.”
“So, you think this was Y/N?” Randy thought for a moment before nodding. “The ties inside were cut. The food and water on the floor… Maybe he cut her loose and she took advantage of it? I mean, it does sound like her.”
“Yeah…” Beau’s eyes then musingly drifted back to the wall. “Is there a screwdriver on the ground somewhere? There’s one missing here.”
“Nope, nothing on the ground,” Randy replied once his flashlight search was complete. “You think she took it with her?”
“Let’s hope so…”
“But if Y/N managed to overpower Turner, why isn’t she here? And where’s Turner? And if it happened out here, why is there so much blood inside?”
Beau licked his chapped lips, his brow returning to their initially creased position. “Maybe she didn’t take him out for good.”
“You thinkin’ she knocked him out and escaped?”
“Yeah, and then Turner woke up, went back into the house before taking off after her through those woods,” Beau shared his theory. It would explain the vast amounts of blood inside.
“So, your theory is she’s lost and being hunted?” Randy cocked a brow.
Beau only offered him a shrug. “Best possible scenario.”
“Great.” Randy scoffed. “What’s the worst possible scenario then?”
Beau’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “I think we both know.” Licking his lips, he patted Randy’s shoulder. “But let’s not think about the worst right now. I’ll get a team going to search these woods. We’ll find her. You’re not losing her again, alright?”
Randy could only nod and hope, but a little tug on his heart told him something different as he glanced at his former friend.
“It’s been three hours,” Randy huffed frustratedly as they passed the same street sign to Helena down the mountain once more, driving up and down the roads around the cabin in an endless loop, hoping and praying a miracle would happen. “Don’t you think we would’ve found her by now? If she’s hurt and inside those woods, we should be in there looking for her.”
Beau passed another sigh between his lips. There had been three hours of that, too. Patience was a not only an eight-letter word but a bitch as well.
“Neither of us is any help there. We don’t know those woods. You don’t even a phone, Randy,” Beau said with a bit more firmness in his voice, causing his partner’s frown to deepen. Saved by the bell, Beau’s phone chimed in his pocket with Jenny’s angelic name popping up on the screen. He pulled over on the side of the road before picking up.
“What you got? Uh-huh… You sure? What did they say about the cabin? Okay… Both of ‘em? How far? Which direction? Alright… We’re close. Driving back up there now.”
Randy held his breath till Beau hung up, trying to guess the content of the phone call by the various facial expressions of the sheriff. Then, he asked, “Good news or bad news?”
“Hard to say,” Beau replied, his eyes fixed on his hands gripping the steering wheel. He swallowed the lump in his throat, gave himself an encouraging nod, and started the engine, trying to sink every bad theory that surfaced in his mind. “Forensics came back. Our theory was partially correct. The blood inside the cabin was mostly Turner’s.”
Randy raised a brow, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears. “Mostly?”
“Evidence points to her not escaping. Turner might have gotten to her before she could even leave the property. They found a bear trap with her blood on it,” Beau explained slowly, his grip on the wheel tightening. “Dogs picked up a trail, leading into the woods. Forensics confirmed both of their blood on that trail.”
“Doesn’t mean anything. He could’ve followed her. She still could’ve escaped,” Randy replied and knew full well it was only sugarcoating the truth swimming in the lower pits of his belly.
“Could’ve…” Beau nodded and swallowed heavily. “But then again, if she did manage to escape, how did her blood end up inside the cabin?”
Defeated, Randy licked his lips, expelling a humorless chuckle. “Yeah, guess my hopes are little too high. I mean, how the hell would you get out of a bear trap?”
Beau knew the question was mostly rhetorical, but true to himself, he still answered, “It’s actually pretty easy. Just press down on the springs, and the thing opens right up.” A smile formed on his lips as a memory popped back into his mind. “I told Y/N that once when we took a camping trip back in Houston. She probably didn’t remember it. I mean, honestly, I doubt she was even listening. I was kinda ramblin’, you know?”
“Uh-huh. I remember. I’ve spent a lot of time with you…” Randy smacked his lips, fingers tapping his thigh. “You guys went on a trip together?”
Beau’s mouth opened on reflex, but he stopped himself from replying, shooting a scrutinizing look at his partner. “Yeah, uh, just the one, really. Shoulda been more…”
Regrets seeped to the surface. If Beau had known he had only a finite amount of time with you, he would’ve enjoyed and appreciated every last second of it. He should’ve spent less time in his head. He should’ve taken you out on more dates. He should’ve been the best he could be. Instead, he wasted so much time and couldn’t even remember why in retrospect.
“What makes you say that?” Randy’s question rang both with curiosity and pain. His brown eyes stared stubbornly ahead and focused on the dark road.
Beau blew a long sigh. “Well, I wasn’t always the best–,” he hesitated a moment before saying the word, “–boyfriend, I guess.”
If Randy was upset by the term, he didn’t let it show. Maybe he was sticking to Rule #2. He quirked a brow and glanced at Beau in the driver’s seat. “So, on top of stealing my wife, you’re telling me you didn’t even treat her right?”
“Guess so,” Beau admitted quietly, poking the inside of his cheeks with his tongue and ignoring the subtle jab. “And I didn’t treat her badly, by the way. Just could’ve tried harder. Felt guilty because she was your-, well, you know… And the divorce got kinda messy, too. I just wanted to stay clear of complications.”
Exasperated, Randy scoffed, shaking his head. “This is not really making me want to give you my blessing…”
Beau huffed a chuckle. “Didn’t know that was an option.”
“Well, it’s not. You don’t deserve her.” Randy clicked his tongue, pensively bobbing his head. He then finally admitted, the words sounding almost sour, “Neither do I. You might be as big of an idiot as me.”
Beau’s eyes widened in surprise, his focus briefly swaying from the road. “What d’you mean? You guys were perfect together. Is this about what Newton said?”
Randy’s lips curved into a bitter smile. “Y/N never told you?”
“Told me what?”
Randy chewed on his lower lip before pushing out the words that had plagued him for three years. “She wanted to leave me.”
Beau shook his head. “Nah, I don’t buy it. She loved you. You should’ve seen her after she thought you’d died.”
Randy inhaled sharply, his head spinning with regret and heart filling with hope. For the past years, he had wondered if he’d ever get another chance to fix things with you.
“Yeah, well, it’s true,” he said, his gaze cast downward as if he were confessing his sins to a priest. “She wanted kids, and I told her I didn’t. Neither of us was backing down. The night the cartel kidnapped me, we were supposed to have dinner and talk about it when I got home. Part of me already knew where it was headed.”
Beau listened and nodded. He remembered the set dinner table, the lovingly prepared food, the candles – it didn’t seem like something one would do if they planned on leaving.
“No, I don’t think she would’ve left you,” Beau noted, although his heart stung when he said it out loud.
“I overheard her asking Carla for a divorce lawyer. Pretty sure she was,” Randy retorted. “Seems silly now. She was already out of my league. I should’ve just given her what she wanted. I don’t even know why I didn’t. I should’ve just shut up and been grateful.”
“That’s what I would’ve told you to do,” Beau muttered, his brain trying to keep track and process everything. Why had you never told him any of this? And more importantly: “Why have you never told me?”
“Guess I was embarrassed.” Randy shrugged. “And I already knew what you would’ve said.”
Secretly amused, Beau cocked a brow. “What? That you’re an idiot?”
“Exactly.”
“And Carla knew?”
“I guess.” Randy gave another shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, they talked all the time. Well, mostly it was Carla complaining about you, but still…”
Beau’s brow furrowed into deep lines. He should’ve been more surprised than he was. The only thing that really baffled him was the fact you had still agreed to date him after hearing all of that. What else didn’t he know?
“I thought they met once a week for book club?”
Randy shot him a pitying look. “Dude, there was no book club. Only three bottles of wine.” He then exhaled a long sigh, stretching back into his seat. “Maybe it’s good she didn’t pick anyone. She deserves someone who can give her what she wants.”
“What makes you think I can’t?” A little offended, Beau raised his brow. “You know, when she came back a few weeks ago, I swore I’d make things right. I wouldn’t let her go this time.”
But Beau broke that promise. He pushed you away to stay clear of complications. His heart twinged.
“And you think she wanted to live in a trailer in the woods of Montana?”
“Doesn’t matter. I would’ve given her anything she wanted. No questions asked,” Beau stated simply. “I was happy when I was with her. Didn’t matter where we were or what we were doing.”
“So, what? You planned on marrying her? Kids?”
Beau twitched his shoulders, his eyes not drifting from the street. If he glanced at Randy only for a beat, he couldn’t ignore his friend’s reactions any longer and still remain honest. “We never talked about it, but... If that’s what she wants, then yeah. Don’t even have to think about it. You really were an idiot, you know?”
“I know that. Thank you,” Randy huffed sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Still not getting my blessing, though.”
“Good thing you’re not her father,” Beau snapped. He could only muster so much patience. “You don’t really have a say in who she’s datin’.”
“You’re one to talk.” Randy scoffed mockingly. “I met your friend Denise at the station. We had a long chat. She almost talks as much as you. Sounded like you tried to have a say in who Carla should marry. Little hypocritical, don’t you think?”
“That’s different,” Beau retorted defensively. “We have a kid together. Whoever Carla’s seeing is also gonna be in Emily’s life.”
“So, you don’t even care a little about Carla’s well-being? ‘Cause Denise said you killed her new husband,” Randy countered cleverly.
“Of course I care,” Beau admitted frustratedly. What did Randy want to hear? That he was right about everything? Well, except one thing: “And I didn’t kill Avery, by the way. Might have been slightly responsible for his death, sure, but I didn’t kill the idiot.”
“Seems to be a pattern for you. Maybe Diane was right,” Randy muttered wryly.
Beau licked his lips and sighed. “Listen, I know that devil woman is good at getting into someone’s head, but you gotta believe me, man. I did not leave you to die. If I had known–”
“Whoa, I know,” Randy interrupted him with an amused chuckle and two placating hands. “I was just joking. I knew you didn’t hand me over to the cartel on purpose in some evil ploy to get with my wife. That would be insane.”
Beau gave a nod, accepting his answer with relief. “Well, good.”
“Look, I’m not delusional, contrary to what everyone’s thinking. I know things happened while I was away,” Randy admitted. “I figured she had moved on. For three years, I actually hoped she did. I wanted her to be happy. Just didn’t think it be you, I guess. Probably shouldn’t have been surprised, though. I kinda knew you always liked her. Just didn’t think any more of it, you know?”
“And there wasn’t more, alright? I promise,” Beau assured him, his cheeks reddening from embarrassment. He never thought Randy would’ve suspected anything – not that there really ever was anything. But had his tiny crush really been that obvious? “One of those things, you know? Just ‘cause I find Michelle Rodriguez attractive doesn’t mean I seriously expect to date her. I didn’t know it was more than that till I spent some time with her.”
“Good to know,” was all Randy said, crossing his arms with an uncomfortable clear of his throat. “Definitely surprised Y/N likes you, though. She always had a pretty low opinion of you. Said you were doing shitty police work and I should be more careful. Guess she was right..." Beau shot him a darkened look but refrained from taking the bait. Randy pursed his lips. "Look, I know I’m a pain in your ass right now. You’d probably love to get rid of me.”
“Well, hey, that’s not–”
“What, true?” Knowingly, Randy lifted a brow. “I would if I were you.”
Beau only nodded, not admitting out loud the thought had certainly crossed his mind. “So, what are you thinking now?”
“Still want her to be happy,” Randy said quietly.
All of a sudden, Beau then slammed on the brakes, both men jolting forward into their seatbelts. A loud thud echoed through the car as something heavy hit the Jeep’s hood. For a moment, the sheriff thought he’d run into a deer before blinking his eyes at the bloodied and muddied image of Hal Turner.
“What the hell?!”
Turner was in rough shape, pantingly and deliriously stumbling around the car and onto the road, shielding his eyes from the blinding headlights with his palm. Blood dripped from various places from his head and body before Beau’s eyes narrowed on the metal tool stuck inside his neck.
“Guess we found our missing screwdriver,” Randy noted as the two men jumped out of the car, guns drawn.
“Where is she, Turner?” Beau prompted sternly, his finger itching to pull the trigger for everything he’d done to you. But knowing where you were was more important than a vendetta. Turner could only speak while he was alive.
And the man seemed to know it, too. Before the sheriff could call for back-up and an ambulance, Turner sneered and raised a hand, gripping the screwdriver tightly.
“No, don’t!”
Beau’s plea came too late. Hal Turner pulled the makeshift weapon out of his throat and collapsed to the ground, bleeding out within seconds.
Randy’s fingers landed on the man’s pulse point. He glanced up at his partner with a shake of his head. “He’s gone.”
Throwing his gun angrily into the rustling brushes, Beau gripped his temples and screamed into the void of the dark woods. Desperation clawed on his mind and heart. The fear of losing you for good took him prisoner. With labored breaths, he squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and rubbed his tired eyes. Turner had been his last lead. He knew more wouldn’t be coming.
What now?
A sanctimonious beep of his phone drew his attention. A small part of him prayed it was Jenny, informing him you’d emerged a few miles up the road – bloody like Turner, but otherwise fine. Alive.
But his green eyes only found an email and darkened at the sender’s name. “Diane just sent me a link.”
Randy, caught in his own spiral, suddenly glanced up. “To what?”
“Livestream.”
Chapter 13: Sure And Certain
Another cliffhanger, and it looks like Diane's still having the last laugh 🙈
What did you think of this part? Were you surprised by Randy's revelation? He might've changed his mind on a few things 😉
See ya next week for the freaking finale 🤍
Join the TAG LIST here! 🌌 Wanna sponsor my caffeine addiction? ☕️
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Everything Beau Arlen: @snowayumi
Polaris Series: @corruptedcruiser
#polaris#beau arlen#beau arlen x reader#big sky#beau arlen fanfic#beau arlen x female reader#beau arlen x you#beau arlen series#beau arlen fic#beau arlen imagine#lovely mutuals#zepskies reads
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Witch hunt (pt. 2)
Part 2.
Pairing: Agatha Harkness x Reader
Summary: Your first day at Harkness and Vidal Private Investigators is begins and so does your first case.
A/N: Part 2 is here! Please let me know what you think and any requests of how you’d like this to go! No smut this chapter either unfortunately but it’s coming…🪻💜
“Lorna over here!”
“Give us a smile Lorna!”
“Lorna turn around!” Camera shutters flashed brightly as she walked out of the bar and into the white streets of East View, her emerald green dress glistening under the street lamps.
Fine, just the one. Lorna looked over her shoulder, her red lips flashing a smile for her admirers. She knew that she’d undoubtedly be signing prints of this very smile by daybreak, decidedly less glamorous once she had wrestled Alice out of bed and made sure she was ready for the day before she headed to the studio. A shiver ran down her spine as her body acclimated to the cold weather of the winter's night, scrunching her nose as a snowflake landed on its tip. Time for home. Perhaps if her driver ran a red light or two she’d be home before Alice fell asleep. Alice was always nicer when she was half asleep. Most teenagers were.
Thankfully, her driver was waiting outside, opening the car door like the true gentleman she paid him to be. “Alright that’s enough” he stepped in front of her as she climbed in, grabbing her shawl from the backseat and wrapping it around her shoulders, rubbing her hands up and down her arms to get the blood flowing again.
As she gazed out of her window, hand propping up her chin, she noticed some commotion outside a club, or what she thought was a club. Perhaps the kids at her show had decided to utilise those fake ID’s to keep the party going. As the car approached closer to the neon green lights she inspected the scene intently, trying to garner just what was going on. In the middle of the group, still and silent, was a man in a mask. A red skull of some kind with sharp white teeth and yellow sunken eyes. Thin black tendrils of hair obscured her view of the monster's face but whatever it was made her shiver. She felt as if it was looking right at her. Waiting. “Can you hurry up?” She broke the gaze with her masked devil and turned to her driver. “I want to make it for Alice’s bedtime.”
~ 20 years later ~
“Morning” you regarded Billy as you approached the purple door.
“Y/N? What’re you doing here so early?” He asked, clearly too tired to engage in any pleasantries or small talk.
“I work here. As of today, I thought I’d make a good first impression and Agatha failed to tell me when to come in so I guessed.” you shrugged, walking past him and punching in the key code to enter.
“Oh! Well I like to get here before Agatha, you know take time to clean up her office, make her coffee, get her files for the day's work out on her desk…” He rushed to catch up with you
“She wasn’t joking then when she called you her pet then” You chuckled. “I can see you as an eager springer spaniel”
“I’m not her pet!” He protested, passing you on the stairs to unlock the door to the office. “I’m her apprentice and I happen to be a vital member of the team- I swear I locked this last night…” he frowned as he pushed open the door which was already ajar.
You both peered into the office to find a woman pacing absently around the room, one hand stuffed in her leather biker jacket pocket, the other holding a cigarette.
“Sorry this is a no smoking building” Billy plucked up the courage to approach the leather clad woman waiting in the office, the sound of her heavy boots against the wooden floor reverberating around the room.
“Sorry teen” she dropped the butt into an old cup of coffee perched on his desk. “So… the famous Agatha Harkness doesn’t do mornings or is too busy to show up to her office?” she turned to regard him fully.
“It’s Billy. ” he shot back, hanging up his backpack by the door.
“And you are…?” The woman looked you up and down
“How did you get into the office?” You asked instead, feeling less charitable than Billy, to share any personal details before you found out why she was standing in Agatha’s office.
“I’m a cop. Eastview,” She shrugged. “Or… was a cop I guess. So are you going to get me an appointment with Agatha or not?”
“Yes! Y-yes of course. So um, how can we help you?” He scrambled to get a pad and a pen to helpfully begin taking notes. You were less helpful.
“Why don’t you make an appointment for Miss Harkness like her usual clients and maybe I won’t mention the whole breaking and entering thing.” You crossed your arms.
“No need kitten, I’m right here” An imposing voice filled the room, making the hair on the back of your neck stand on edge. She was here. “How can I help you?” she turned her attention away from you to whoever had broken into her office. You couldn’t help but feel the pang of jealousy as her bright blue eyes no longer gazed upon you.
“Alice. Alice Wu Gulliver. Heard you were good at solving mysteries” She shrugged noncommittally, though with the way she hadn’t untensed her shoulders you guessed this was a bigger deal than she was downplaying it to be.
“The best” Billy butted into the conversation.
“It’s true, I really am exceptional” Agatha said smoothly, her tone taking on an air of superiority as she strode past you, swishing her long coat dramatically as she adjourned to her private office in the back where the ‘Vidal’ from ‘Harkness and Vidal Private Investigation’ had been scratched off the printed glass so aggressively you were surprised the pane hadn’t shattered. “Kitten. Follow.” she called behind her, your feet scrambling to follow as Billy smiled apologetically at the woman you now knew to be Alice for Agatha’s theatrics. “I want you to take notes” she instructed before she beckoned Alice into the dimly lit room, blinds shut to keep out the harsh glare of the morning sun. She leaned back in her chair, appraising Alice with narrowed, calculating eyes. “What can I do for you?”
“I want you to find someone for me.” She looked around the room as she shoved both hands in her pockets nervously. “I don’t have much, but with one of my moms songs in that new A24 witch movie I’ll get some royalties.”
“Wait… you're Lorna Wu’s daughter?” Your eyes widened in recognition.
“Lorna Wu? As in Lorna Wu and the Coral Shore?” Billy poked his head round the door, revealing that he’d been eavesdropping on Agatha’s meeting much to her disdain.
“Uh yeah.. Yeah I am.”
“Holy shit” you smiled at her “my mom loved that band. She wanted the Ballad of the Witches Road played at her funeral” you shared with her, feeling Agatha’s gaze fall back to you, tilting her head as if deep in thought. Your cheeks flushed, maybe you’d shared too much. “Sorry you were saying”
“I uh… I want to know what happened. To my mother.” She addressed Agatha.
“Didn’t she die on her last tour?” Billy frowned. “I wikipediaed her for my 10th grade hero project.. Her car caught on fire after it skidded off the road…it was a tragic accident”
“I don’t buy it.” She turned to him sharply. “Before she… before the fire she became paranoid. She made me get a tattoo of some kind of protection symbol to ward off curses… I was only 13. I think someone… something… was after her. Look she was… different… but she wasn’t crazy. I used to be a cop I’ve seen crazy.” She looked at Agatha pleadingly.
“Why now?” Agatha asked her, leaning forward over the desk into her personal space to study Alice’s face closer. “Why does Alice want to find out what happened to mommy now?”
“Excuse me?” Alice instinctively pulled back, tucking a piece of orange hair behind her ear nervously. “I.. I guess I’ve had the time to think about her. Had a string of bad luck, lost my job at the station… got a job in security… lost that… times like this you miss your mom” she explained, her eyes shifting to various points in the room, unable to hold eye contact. You suspected that her tale of recent misfortune wasn’t the whole story but you didn’t want to encroach on Agatha’s meeting with Alice by butting into her interview. You made a note of it for later.
Why now??? Doesn't add up.
“Ok” Agatha clapped her hands together as she rose from her desk. “Billy will break down the costs at his desk. We will be in touch”
“If you’d like to follow me Miss. Wu-Gulliver” Billy opened the door to let her out.
“Alice is fine” She mumbled as she followed him out the room.
You waited till the door swung back closed and turned to Agatha, breath caught in your throat as she looked up from her paperwork, her sharp, knowing eyes fixing on you like she already had the answer to a question you didn’t know was being asked. “So, what did you think?” She asked you conversationally, though you gathered you were being tested.
“She’s hiding something. I don’t buy that after over 20 years, she suddenly decided to put all her non-existent finances towards digging into her mothers death.” You tried to sound confident in your deductions, taking a step back from the desk to put some space between the two of you so your answers could remain coherent. If she was indeed testing you, you planned to pass with flying colours.
“Oh? Well do continue Sherlock” she said, her voice smooth and commanding. It wasn’t a request.
“She couldn’t hold eye contact with you the whole time she was in the office. She was fidgeting nervously, playing with her hair, fiddling with the things in her pockets, pacing up and down the office before we arrived… She’s worried. And along with this string of bad luck she’s been having… Maybe she’s worried that whoever was after her mom is after her. Maybe that’s why she’s suddenly so interested in revisiting the past all of a sudden. Worried enough that she’s prepared to tank her finances into you. She had a hot topic shirt under that leather jacket. From her previous work in policing I’d say she's working at mall security which is minimum wage at best… definitely not enough disposable income to pay for you if she wasn’t sure this was her only option.” You bit your lip to stop speculating any further, feeling far too observed to continue.
“Look at you superstar” She leaned back with a quiet understated confidence that was just so Agatha. “You’ve been holding out on me,” she purred, tilting her head.
The room felt smaller now, the weight of her presence settling over you like a heavy cloak. Agatha leaned back in her chair, a smirk curling the corner of her lips. Her fingers drummed lightly on the dark wood, a rhythm that made your pulse quicken.
“I… I don’t know what you mean,” you stammered, though the heat rising to your cheeks betrayed you. Agatha leaned forward, the drumming of her fingers stopping as she rested her chin on her interlaced hands.
“Oh, I think you do,” she said, her voice dropping to a near whisper. “You’re clever, kitten. Too clever to play dumb with me.”
You opened your mouth to respond, but the words caught in your throat as she stood abruptly, the chair scraping back just enough to make the air crackle with tension. Her heels clicked softly on the floor as she moved around the desk, and before you could step back, she was in front of you, impossibly close. Her perfume was heady, intoxicating, mingling with the ever-present scent of lavender.
“Agatha, I—”
She silenced you with a look, her lips quirking into that signature smirk of hers. “You talk too much,” she teased, her voice low and velvety. “Why don’t we go back to not talking hmm”
Before you could process what was happening, her hands were on your shoulders, firm but not unkind, guiding you back until you felt the edge of the desk press against you. The world narrowed to the space between you and her, the soft rustle of fabric and the sharp, electric intensity of her gaze. Her fingers trailed up to your jaw, tilting your face toward hers.
And then she kissed you.
It wasn’t tentative or shy. It was confident, commanding, the kind of kiss that demanded surrender. Her lips moved against yours with a purpose that made your knees weak, the desk behind you your only anchor. Time seemed to stop, the world outside her office ceasing to exist. When she finally pulled back, her breath mingling with yours, she let her fingers linger on your jaw, her thumb tracing a lazy line along your cheek.
“Now,” she said, her voice a husky murmur, “be a good girl and fetch me a coffee from Mrs. Hart’s bakery, we have a long day ahead of us.”
You stared at her, eyes wide and your heart racing, utterly captivated. “Anything for you Miss. Harkness” you breathed against her lips, lips trailing across her jawline and down her neck till you heard her breathing hitch. “Anything” you repeated softly before pulling away and hopping off the desk, making sure to walk with an added sway to your hips. You had a feeling that whatever she wanted, you’d end up giving it to her.
#agatha harkness x reader#agatha harkness#agatha harkness x fem!reader#kathryn hahn#agatha all along#agatha x reader
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Daniel: So this "Farm" thing, what is it really? A setup like in Blade 3 with humans in body bags, waiting to get drained?
Louis: Daniel!
Armand: The Farm is an elite school for underprivileged youth we run. They recieve a full scholarship to higher education too, and all they have to do is donate blood for 'medical research' once a month.
Louis: Seriously, Daniel, how could you ever think something so sinister?
Armand: What do you take us for, monsters?!
Daniel Molloy:
#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#armand#iwtv#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#the vampire armand#immortal universe#looks into the camera like he's on the office#Daniel “Fucking Vampires” Molloy#Don't mention Blade 3 to his face it gets awkward#seriously we need to see the Farm in s 3#but my headcanon is that it's an over the top benevolent charity#the underprivileged youths and orphans have puppy parties each sunday
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Adam didn’t know why, but he felt there was a reason why Sir Pentious was there just so suddenly. He was in his room getting ready for bed when he heard shuffling around the office. Adam got up and made his way to the office and he saw Sir Pentious setting up a Vox Tek camera.
Adam: I knew it, you are a spy for the Vees.
The main reason why Adam knew about the Vees was because Steve would complain to him about how more people watched porn made by Valentino, than made by him. It was useless to tell Steve that he was still making very profitable porns especially ever since he started working for him, Steve wanted to be the most popular. The last time Adam said something like that, he was slapped and made to be in a porn with a guy whose dick was so big that he started to bleed and he couldn’t work for nearly a month.
Sir Pentious: I was just looking for something.
Adam: You are so bad at lying.
Adam tried to try to leave and Sir Pentious tried to stop him and accidentally tore off the tank top Adam was wearing. Poor Sir Pentious ended up shielding his face.
Sir Pentious: Forgive me for accidentally exposing you.
There was something pathetic and kind of endearing about the fact that this snake like Sinner was ashamed about accidentally exposing Adam’s breasts.
Adam: It’s alright.
Sir Pentious: You don’t want to beat me within an inch of my life?
Adam: No.
Just then everyone else ran in and Lucifer looked ready to kill Sir Pentious when he saw the torn tank top and Adam’s exposed breasts. But he also couldn’t help but admire how they looked.
Adam: It’s alright, he asked for forgiveness and I forgave him.
Charlie went to talk to Sir Pentious who now wanted to make a genuine effort towards redemption. No one knew that Valentino had spotted Adam on the footage.
Valentino: He must be one who works with Steve, he always tries to be like me. I may have to blackmail him in having Adam be in a couple of my films if he doesn’t want to be sued.
Adam didn’t know how bad things were about to get.
@things-arent-what-they-seem66
Huskerdust Au
Adam stretched his long limbs over the hotel couch as he sucked on a popsicle, deep throating it as fair as he could while scrolling Sinstagram. His lamb ears twitched with annoyance with every text he got from his pimp Steve.
Asshole wants him to move back into the tower, never going to happen.
Charlie and Vaggie were trying to think of ways to drum up more clients for the hotel.
Adam: Ladies! You could always utilize the local talent.~
Charlie: Hehe, well Adam as kind as that is I wouldn't want to take advantage of you.
Vaggie: And we aren't making a porno.
Adam: Suit yourselves.
Then there was a knock at the door, when Charlie answered it was the Radio Demon who basically pushed his way in.
Alastor: The names Alastor, and what might you do my fluffy feminine fellow?
Adam smirked: I can suck your dick.
Alastor: Ha! No.
Adam: Your loss.
Charlie: Are you here to be redeemed?
Alastor just laughed: Oh no nothing silly like that. I'm here to help! And I can even provide more staff.
He snapped his fingers and a little ball came down the chimney which turned into a woman with one eye.
Nifty: Hi! I'm Nifty, I clean everything!
Alastor snapped his fingers again and a bar appeared.
Lucifer blinked, he was just at the crabs table on a winning streak the fuck is this!?
Lucifer: Hey! I was winning!
Alastor: And now I need your assistance, you can have all the cheap booze you want in exchange.
Lucifer growled and stomped over to the bar, one day he would be free of that prick. He cracked open a bottle of whiskey and started to drink it.
Adams eyes went wide, he made sure chest was nice and amplified and that his thong sides were showing on either side of his hips and plastered on the best smile he could as he sat down at the bar winking at Lucifer.
Adam: And who might you be, handsome?~
Lucifer looked up and both men looked at each other in shock.
Lucifer: Adam?
Adam: Yeah, what is the former King of Hell doing here?
Lucifer: I have a job, what about you?
Adam: I am trying to get back into Heaven.
Lucifer had heard that Adam was kicked out of Heaven for liking things that were considered sinful like rock music and swearing.
Charlie: Dad? Is everything alright? I was worried after you disappeared after Satan took over. Do you need help?
Lucifer: I am alright Char Char, I guess we now get to see each other more often.
Adam: I need to go to work, I will be back later.
Adam left surprised seeing his first love at the hotel, he went to the studio he worked at. Steve was waiting outside.
Steve: Do you honestly think that this redemption thing works?
Adam: I’m here to work.
Steve: Good boy, I want you with a man and a woman tonight. Get inside.
Adam walked in and let them take off Adam’s clothes. On the bed were other porn stars that Steve owned the souls of and Adam got into bed with them.
@things-arent-what-they-seem66
#hazbin hotel#adam#hazbin hotel adam#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel lucifer#adam/lucifer#adamsapple#guitarduck#minors dni
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itakugi sillies fr the soul
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#itakugi#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk leaks#jjk manga spoilers#jjk spoilers#jjk 267#eye horror/#cant see the haters <3#not pictured here megumi holding the camera like ......................#also i dont know how i feel abt eyepatch yuuji but fr the sake of itakugi wearing each other's eyepatches he can have one :'>#entertained the idea of them having Matching ones but i scrapped tht pretty quickly dhsdfgfdf i like them distinct#i think yuuji might b able to pull off the larger snaparound kind bc the scars on the other side of his face maybe balance it out#but i like nobara having a smaller more traditional eyepatch personally#1 bc i think she would not want to mess up her hair but also bc i LOVE th look of her scars i want as many of them visible as possible#the eye socket itself tho is ....kinda gnarly GGHJFHFS#speaking of which ik nobara's eye kind of. exploded. but what exactly happened w yuuji's did it just ???? burn away????#idrk if yuuji shld also have a more defined eye socket tbh but fr the sake of my own enjoyment n sanity#i am pulling the fanartist I Do What I Want card#i make the rules and i want his scars to look Like This smile#anyway i love them so much i missed them so much they r so SIBLING CODED#u dont understand officer i need them being dumb n chaotic. to cope#hands and knees itkg save megumi itfskg make it out alive plspslpslplspslpslspsl
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the commanders
#frostbitebakery art#star wars#star wars the clone wars#commander cody#commander fox#commander wolffe#commander bly#ok the whole point of this was fiddling out the differences#bc I love those studies with the same template and tweaking it until#the individual personality comes through#fox is looking into the camera like he’s in the office btw#give Bly a septum piercing agenda#Fox’s fox ears are now part of my brand#what a silly little guy#Cody keeps his lips lush and plump for victory kisses#Wolffe is daydreaming about competetive combat fishing#Plo had suggested fishing for meditative purposes
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something is bugging seungmin
#stray kids#skz#bystay#skzco#jisung#seungmin#seungsung#usersemily#usersa#e01o#mimotag#userlau#mt#gifs#sorry the bug hat lives rent free in my brain#the captions are self indulgent#as is everything else#seung in the last one looking into the camera#like he's in the office#DOG BUG
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shapeshifter lavellan and her dreadwolf husband
#dragon age#solavellan#solavellan fanart#dreadwolf#solas#inquisitor lavellan#dragon age spoilers#fanart#my art#it’s actually funny because in my headcannon it’s a big secret of hers bc she only knows how to turn into a wolf#and that’s a big yikes bad omen for the dalish#during inquisition she tells solas she thinks she’s been cursed by fenharel because of her wolf form#and because she was mean to his statue when she was little#he supposedly the only god alive so it must be his foci!#solas looks into the camera like he’s on the office#😬
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crying at this
#george martin wanted to fuck paul so bad but he was to busy inventing looking at the camera like youre on the office#the beatles#*#paul mccartney#john lennon#george martin
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Ghost, eating dinner: Yeah, can you believe it? Soap fuckin saved me a seat.
Gaz: Uh... yeah?
Ghost: I told him no, obviously. Can't think about that kinda stuff right before an op.
Gaz: Uh huh...
Ghost: Me n my subordinate? In carnal embrace? Nah, not fuckin happening.
Gaz:
Ghost: Pass the butt stuff.
Gaz: O_O
Ghost: THE BUTTER. THE BUTTER. I just want some head and butter--BREAD. BREAD AND BUTTER.
Gaz:
Ghost: BREAD AND BUTT SEX FOR THIS BIG PIECE OF MEAT I'M EATING--FUCK DAMMIT--!
Gaz: You feelin okay, mate?
#submission#source: nerdy prudes must die#oh he’s down BAD#gaz looking at the camera like he’s on the office#call of duty#modern warfare#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#incorrect quotes#ghostsoap#soapghost
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Sirius: Look, I know technically this sounds like a crazy prank, but rules are made to be broken. We can do this!
Remus: They were made to be followed, Pads. Nothing is made to be broken
Sirius: Uh, piñatas
James: Glow sticks
Peter: Karate boards
James: Spaghetti when you have a small pot
Sirius: Rules!
#marauders#incorrect marauders quotes#wolfstar#remus is looking into the camera like hes in the office#remus lupin#remus x sirius#sirius black#james potter#incorrect harry potter quotes#incorrect wolfstar quotes#harry potter#daddiesdrarry on instagram#incorrect hp#hp#peter pettigrew#remus lupin x sirius black#sirius x remus#incorrect remus lupin quotes#incorrect sirius black quotes#incorrect james potter quotes#hp incorrect quotes#hp imagine#hp ships#hp text post#incorrect hp quotes#hp marauders#source: brooklyn 99
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you know i don't think Sauron was ever intentionally trying to be funny but most of his fuckery from season 1 is downright hilarious. Remember this face?
Galadriel: *shit. it's you.* Sauron: *finally, i've been dropping hints like crazy.*
#sauron always looks like he belongs in the british version of the office#he is just itching to look down the barrel of a camera and tell everybody to fuck off fleabag style#haladriel#the rings of power#one ship to doom them all
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