#looking at a few mutuals in particular here. come into my inbox. do it. do it. do it. pspsps.

[starflungwaddledee]

>> start the adventure! << || [masterpost] ||

while starstruck makes her merry way to the @kirbyoctournament, why not keep her company with some questions?

for the next month, as propaganda for the tourney, dream land's favourite little anxious amnesiac will be taking asks directly!

couple of little notes, suggestions, and rules!

though this is hopefully obvious, i don't guarantee i'll get to every ask or interaction! i'll do the best i can, but if i don't make it to yours, it's nothing personal! where possible these will be answered "in character" from tourney!starstruck, though you can still ask me tournament related things too! this is my first time trying "in character" asks, but i want to make one thing really clear: please no text rp. makes me incredibly uncomfortable. for plot consistency, this is set during her Present Timeline, and she knows as much about her own backstory as the average reader. has no idea who This Guy is. she has similarly not yet encountered the star spears or any weapon like them. questions can come from ocs, especially if they're in the tournament! i may not draw your oc in the response though. i probably won't respond to any "how are you" generic type deals because those will get hard to answer pretty much immediately. i am hoping to find some fun personality combos to riff off, so if you have an interesting interaction idea for our ocs, feel free to share! starstruck is Technically Romancable and OCs who are at least 25+ are totally welcome to make an attempt to flirt with her (pspsps evil lesbians especially if you're out there come say hi. any and all wings havers also), but remember she is dense as a pile of bricks. also please no nsfw.

[melon-fodder]

personal sappy sort of vent but not really? bnha melon origins under cut hahaha

Once upon a time at the start of the pandemic, I was getting back into writing fanfic thanks to bnha. I read some fics on this site, my introduction to ‘x reader’ and I thought to myself “ya know I have a lot of time on my hands, and these people look like they’re having a good time posting these stories, so I’m gonna try”.

And so I did. I wrote and posted a little mirio shot first, and then a shinsou shot, and then I wrote a soulmate AU for Aizawa that gained a little bit of attention followed by an endeavor fic that gained more.

And because it was the pandemic and everyone was online all the time, the engagement was high. My inbox was full of asks about those two, and I just got to talk and talk about them. I made mutuals. I made friends. I joined my first discord server. I kept writing.

@lady-lauren and I started DMing, going from writing to like life stories basically. The paragraphs we were sending back and forth lmao thinking about it makes me laugh. And she introduced me to Nyki, and we all just existed and created and consumed.

There was a lot of toxicity in the bnha fandom back then, though. I mean, there still is, but it was different back then somehow. I had my favorite characters, and Aizawa was a really big one, but I ended up sort of drifting. Or distanced myself, I guess. Because of another writer. The way that they created and interacted with fandom, with characters. It felt… weird to write for him while sharing a space.

Anyone close to me or who has been around for these almost 5 years (omg kill me) might have an inkling about what/who I’m referring to, so I do want to state that in no way was I told to stop writing for Aizawa or that I was bad at it or anything like that. That person actually liked my version of him and told me! So the whole feeling like I couldn’t write for him was entirely self-imposed.

Anyway, a lot of stuff happened that made it harder and harder to enjoy being a part of the bnha fandom on tumblr, including the passing of one of my best friends. I still found inspiration here and there, usually for nighteye, but I was mostly out of it. I even stopped keeping up with the manga after a while.

There’s just so much personal shit wrapped up in a series that’s already full of emotion. I haven’t felt equipped to deal with all of it

Until recently.

I don’t know what clicked tbh. I was at my mom’s recovering from surgery, and I just decided it was time. The epilogue was leaked or whatever and so many blogs that I used to see post every day woke up and started interacting again, even if it was just to comment on the leaks, and it got me so nostalgic and…

I don’t know. A lot of time has passed. A lot of people have come and gone. I feel like… it feels like I don’t have eyes on me anymore. For a long time when I was posting for bnha it just felt like people were watching me with less than good intentions. It’s one of the reasons I’ve switched blogs multiple times.

But I feel better now. I feel safe. I feel a lot more stable than I did back then. Those were kind of wild times on tumblr I do not think I would want to go back.

Except for in this one particular way which is to let myself fall back in love with the series that got me into anime as a whole, the series that got me writing again. The character that made me want to sit down and write again.

I have a few favorites from the series, but tbh I think Aizawa will always be the most special simply because he was my spark. He symbolizes so fucking much for me, and that sounds so dramatic, I know, but he is quite literally the character that got me on tumblr. He was my beginning, and then I felt like I couldn’t even enjoy him for years and it sucked and I just

I’m emotional. I just. Have a lot of feelings from over the span of 4 years that I’m trying to process.

tl;dr: if it wasn’t for bnha and Aizawa specifically I wouldn’t be on this site, and I am very happy to be creating for the series and his character again

[suzukiblu]

hi! i have a question for you, if that’s ok? i always try to leave comments on fics i read, especially on ao3 where it’s really easy to do that. in other fandoms i’ve been in, before getting into dc, fic authors often responded to my comments on their works and it was pretty easy to make friends through that and other social media and have lots of fun interactions talking about the fandom and our favorite characters etc.

however, i’ve found with this fandom it seems to be very different? almost nobody seems to respond to comments on their fics and i’ve found it very difficult to make any fandom friends, even in a casual-tumblr-mutuals kind of way. (this isn’t about you btw, you seem like the friendliest person i’ve come across on here so far which is why i’m asking you haha)

i completely understand many people are busy or some authors may find responding to comments overwhelming, but i was just wondering if this is something you or anyone else has noticed? is it a quirk of the dc fandom in particular? or am i just getting older and fandoms in general are changing haha, idk.

anyway sorry for the long ramble, feel free to ignore if i’m making no sense. i really enjoy all your stories (and your art! your art style is so cute!) and i hope you’re having a great day :]

Thank you, I'm glad you like my stuff! Especially the art, that I always feel like I'm worse at, hah. ❤️ I hope you're having a great day too. And asking me questions is always okay, no worries! I can't always get to everything in my inbox, to be honest, but I do my best to respond to as much stuff as I can. Either way, though, I never mind getting questions.

Personally I don't currently respond to most of my comments (I try to answer questions that aren't spoilers, but that's usually it these days) because it's just really easy for me to run out of spoons doing it and end up down a rabbit hole of comments instead of actually WRITING, which stresses me out because then I don't feel suitably "productive" for my imposter syndrome brain, and I also know a few people who don't respond because of anxiety or things like that, but I don't know if it's specifically a DC fandom thing or an overall trend in fandom in general? Every fandom is different, obviously, and also certain SECTIONS of those fandoms are different. Like, when I was into MCU fandom, I never really expected super-involved responses when I wrote Stucky because there was SO MUCH Stucky that it seemed like a lot of people just kinda churned through it and it all blurred together for them, but when I wrote about Darcy Lewis oh BOY did people come out of the woodwork to tell me how much they loved it in GREAT detail. Having a niche in general helps, I think, because if you're doing something that isn't super-common or interested in something that isn't super-common, people will be more excited to see it from you or hear you appreciating it from them.

I WILL say there's only a couple DC authors I can currently think of who I generally assume I'll get replies from when I comment on their fic, but I don't know if that's the specific fandom or just that I'm not reading a ton of fic right now and therefore have a smaller pool of authors I'm commenting on. Like, it's hard to tell, honestly. Also DC is a very widespread fandom and pretty old and established, but there's definitely characters and series and canons that just get ignored by huge chunks of it, so if you're into them you either have a real easy time finding people who are excited to talk to you or a real HARD time, depending on where you're looking.

Either way, I think it's really great that you try to leave comments on everything you read and a really good habit for the fandom ecosystem, I know a TON of authors who appreciate getting even, like, a single friggin' emoji or kudos, whether they respond or not. Literally any not-a-hate-comment comment is good for the ecosystem, imo, even when it's not obvious that it is. I very literally once wrote, like, eighty thousand words pretty much just because someone left a very kind comment on an old fic I'd abandoned. I did not actually RESPOND to that comment, as far as I remember; I just changed my mind about abandoning the fic and went through the long-ass process of getting my brain back into it and then the even longer-ass process of writing another 80k over the next few months/year until I got to the end. So like, I VERY much am a person who believes in the value of feeding the ecosystem, hah.

I am largely a call-and-response type of writer myself, so like, getting comments or people talking to me in my replies/asks/messages is basically like somebody is putting tokens in the fic machine and pulling a lever, and we'll all just see if I write three sentences or 80k or secretly tailor a fic towards things a frequent commenter's mentioned appreciating/being into. It's a surprise every time, with me!! And like, that's just how I work, of course, everybody's different, but I have NEVER met anybody who told me they didn't like getting comments.

When I leave comments myself, I tend to feel like more like I'm just telling the author that I think they're on the right track with the thing they're writing, one way or another, and letting them know it got a reaction or feelings or the like out of me, but I'm generally not really expecting a response from them. For actually making friends, I've found MUCH more luck in talking to people on Tumblr and Discord than on AO3. I've made friends on AO3 on and off over the years, but it's just much, MUCH easier for me to do on Tumblr and Discord. Though I kind of have a cheat code there in the sense that I'm a pretty prolific writer and so I've kinda encouraged people to get into the habit of checking my blog pretty frequently or even put alerts on for it, so generally people have a lot of opportunities to talk to me or be reminded I'm around.

I tend to notice people who show up repeatedly in my Tumblr mentions, personally, especially when they talk in the tags or comment in the replies or send me asks, and some of them I've either become friends with or just, like, secretly adopted as secret faves and sometimes sneak little extra treats of Things I Think That One Tumblr Person Would Like into my writing or pick specific WIPs to work on because I think "hey last time I wrote this [ TUMBLR FAVE ] really liked it, I should write more!" (and then I cackle in triumph/delight when they reblog it later, for that is a Victory, mwahaha), but like, it's a process? I definitely feel like making friends in fandom is generally slower than it was once upon a time, but also I'm a Fandom Old so there's been a few migrations and such over my time online too. And also Discord confuses me, hahaha. Discord is VERY confusing to me.

Ummm . . . okay I got INTO that reply, I guess, lol, but I hope that answered your question? Or at least helped answer it, if nothing else!

[oddballwriter]

Dwelling in the Night, Part Two: Neck and Neck

Series Masterlist

Pt. 1 - Pt. 3 Pt. 4

Summary: The MoonKnight system continues to have run-ins with the shadowy figure that they've come to nickname The Silhouette, lurking and dealing with crime in the same area that they do. There's more communication between the two vigilantes but still no answered questions. Simply just a mutual respect for each other despite the different methods they use. A the same time, Steven tells more about their new neighbor Y/N, and even shows them a few things. However, it seems like the more Steven gets to know them, the stranger they seem. And Jake seems to be picking up on a few things in both cases.  

Warnings: The reader (Y/N) is a vampire and their source of sustenance is criminals. The action of said method and thus killing is never written or depicted, only implied. Reader lying to the boys. Mention of Harrow. The boys kind of, technically, break into the reader's apartment if you squint. It's not depicted but the reader is in the coffin that was mentioned in the original writing, aka part one, so possibly a claustrophobia warning. The reader, in their lying, claims to be on a liquid diet and also lies saying that it's doctor ordered, so if you have any medical traumas involving diets then a warning for that. 

Author’s Snip: No one asked for a part two to the original, I just came up with the idea of adding to it. I'm aware that I still have the Unexpected Addition mini-series and have yet to work further on part three of that but I just wanted to self-indulge considering my love for vampire content and more so my desire to see more vampire content where it is the reader who is the vampire of the story. So yeah. I would gladly make more with this idea but if you all would be so kind as to put your ideas in my inbox once I open up requests again, which MAY be soon. No promises though.

Notes: When I was proofreading this I found that some parts of the story were copied into other places which was so fucking weird. I felt like I was going insane. I think I fixed it and got rid of the extra, but if anything loops, that's why.

Anyways this intro is really long, I’ll shut up now. Enjoy!

Word Count: 2300~

  There was a rhythm to the Silhouette, as the boys have named them,’s work when they looked at everything more deeply. They once a month and go for more dangerous criminals like muggers and potential assailants. They also usually stick to a particular block that has an issue with a higher crime rate. At least they used to stick to one specific block until they found another body, with the signature bitten throat, sitting hidden next to a garbage dumpster in an alleyway. 

  Marc and the rest of the system groaned together when the signs of the Silhouette started coming up. They figured that they would stay and deal with the crooks on their block while Moonknight did the rest of the city. But it seems that they weren’t free of crossing paths with this ‘fellow vigilante’ anytime soon. 

  And low and behold, here they are now in an alleyway with Moonknight, Marc, standing on the brick ground and Silhouette standing in the cover of the shadows that the lights couldn’t pierce through. The only difference this time around is that there’s no victim or dead, or just scared shitless, criminal that the other bumped into. 

  “Why the hell are you here?” Marc questioned, holding a stance that was both meant to be imposing and signaling that he was over these types of meetings. “I’m picking off perps. Same as you.” the Silhouette explains. “I thought you had your block? Why’d you move over here?” Marc demanded quickly after the figure spoke. “The criminals have dried up. There’s hardly anyone who lurks around there now, so I have to move spots.” the Silhouette explains matter-of-factually. “Gee, I wonder why,” Marc mutters under his breath before speaking to them again. “What’s your deal anyway, huh? ‘You some type of type of righteous maniac? You seem to have a theme with taking all these bastards’ blood.” Marc questions again. 

  “I need the blood. I take blood from dangerous criminals to make the means of getting it slightly more ethical.” the Silhouette claims as they stare back at Marc with their faint glowing eyes, “Do some good with the dirty.” they phrase. 

  Marc sits with that for a moment, not sure how to feel about what they just said. It feels familiar to Harrow’s ideals, but at the same time, this person isn’t making a cult and planning on making a ‘perfect and pure’ world. Instead, they’re just picking off some unpleasant bits that cruise around the streets at night. But it’s not exactly the same as their Moonknight work either. Marc, Steven, and Jake have a job of protecting those who wander and roam under the moon. This person sounds more like that of a mutual symbiotic relationship. Like how a bird can get something out of picking the ticks off of an animal's back, you, apparently, get something out of taking the blood from the crooks that dwell on a block. 

  “Can I ask what you do with all that blood?” Marc’s morbid curiosity makes him ask. “Can I ask how you got into your role as a hero of the night and moon?” the Silhouette asks back, the tone of their voice indicating that they were echoing him. “I don’t have to tell you anything. It’s none of your concern.” Marc replies. “Then it’s the same answer for you from me.” they quip back. “That’s not really on the same level…” Steven comments from the back of Marc’s mind, to which Marc just repeats back to the Silhouette. “I’m not doing anything bad with it. I can assure you that.” the Silhouette responds. 

  ”So should we just ask them the obvious question, or…?” Jake budded in from the reflection of a puddle. “No. We are not. That’s a stupid question.” Marc says glancing at his alter with a volume that was meant to go unheard, but judging by the confused movements of the Silhouette’s eyes, they still heard it. “Don’t pay attention to that,” he tells the figure.

  “Is this the part where I disappear into the darkness of this alley? Or would you like to chat more?” the Silhouette asks with a tone has Marc imagining the cheeky smirk on their face. “Depends. Have you gotten your criminal killing done?” he remarks. “I almost got one but I think they saw me for a second and decided to leave instead of do anything.” the shadowy figure mentions, “And you seem to be calling dibs at the moment. So I think I’ll do my work some other time.” they claim.

  “It was nice talking to you.” the Silhouette says before stepping back into the deeper shadows and disappearing into what was thin air yet again.

🩸🩸🩸

"Oh bugger," Steven muttered under his breath, drawing the rest of the system's attention. "What's the matter?" Marc asked. "I completely forgot that they sleep during the day and I've went and opened their door." Steven explains, referring to none other than you. "I just wanted to return the book that they gave me. I should have waited." he scolds himself.

"Well, might as well go in anyways in case you did wake them up," Marc says, "It's probably for the best since I don't see a key in your hand, so that means they had the door unlocked." he points out in addition.

Steven huffed and took a deep breath before opening the door again and stepping in. But as he looked around for what he was expecting to be you sleeping in your bed, he found no one and nothing around. Steven lets go of his breath, glad that he didn't actually disturb you like he thought he did.

"Well, this is kind of worse. Their door is unlocked and they aren't even home. Good thing it's just us." Marc comments.

"Is that a fucking coffin in their living room?" Jake asks.

Steven looks over to see the same coffin you showed him when he helped you drag in your bed frame set a while back. "Oh, yeah. It's part of their aesthetic decor. Isn't it interesting? " Steven said. "They use it like a coffee table." the Brit explains as he walks closer to the hunk of wood.

"It's a coffee-in table. If you will." Steven jokes, making the rest groan at the pun.

"It's genuine though. They said they got it from a funeral place that was selling old ones that they still had in their inventory." Steven mentions as he crouches down so Marc and Jake can get a closer look. "See. Real wood and everything." he adds as he knocks on the scratched polished wood.

"Freaky." Marc comments, both admiring and slightly weirded out by the choice of furniture. "What do they have inside?" Jake asks. "It's empty." Steven answers, "But I'm sure they could store loads of things in there." he assures.

Steven gets back up and places the book he borrowed from you on top of the coffin before he walks towards a desk and writes on a sticky note writing "Thank you for the book! But you should really be careful and lock your door when you leave. I accidentally opened it when trying to give this back. -Steven" and placing it on top of the coffin too.

"Open some curtains before you leave, Steven. It's so dark in here." Marc comments, but Steven refuses, "No. I've already gone touching enough of their stuff without them even being here.".

"I've even let myself in without asking or having a key." he adds.

🩸🩸🩸

Jake wasn't typically the brains or the planner of any of the tasks the system gets up to. He's usually the backup for when things get too much for Marc and Steven. But that doesn't mean he's an idiot, quite the opposite actually, he's often the one who notices patterns and themes that the other two don't pick up on. They call him paranoid when he points it out or thinks he's being an asshole and making snarky jokes.

But when Jake senses something, he investigates it, thoroughly.

Jake might not be able to control the front as well as Marc can, but when he's there, he can stay via focusing on something, and the others can co-front. Which makes way for Steven to see Jake at their desk looking through things like newspaper clippings and what seem to be notes.

The clippings had the same topic judging by their headlines. New Hero or New Threat?, The Killer of Killers, Brutal Killings Scare off Crime, Questionable Hero in the Shadows, Nighttime Duo?, Silhouette Follows Crime to New Hunting Grounds.

"You're looking into our acquaintance?" Steven questions. "I just want to understand what exactly their deal is," Jake answers. "We heard them and Marc's conversation. They don't want to disclose that even if it's strange and disturbing." Steven reminds, but Jake shifts in his chair unsatisfied with that answer.

"I think I already know what they do with it anyway." Jake claims. "Jake, mate. Don't tell me you're starting to think what I think you're thinking." Steven remarks. "What do you think I'm thinking?" Jake inquires. "You know what I think you're imagining." Steven exudes, "You're thinking that they're some type of vampire or something silly like that.".

Jake looks for any surface that might reflect this fellow alter on it, landing on the reflection from the glass pencil holder. "Do you not believe in vampires?" Jake asks as if Steven should. Steven rolls his eyes at such a dumb-sounding question. "Of course not? How the bloody hell do you?" Steven exclaims.

"Steven, mí amigo. We're the alters of a guy who's died and came back from the dead two separate times, which he can see in his reflections. And we work for a god of the moon and have fought a former worker of his who could kill using magic." Jake lists off all while looking directly at the Brit in his appearance in said reflection so that he can prove his point. "And you don't think that there is a chance that maybe, just maybe, other forms of the paranormal also exist?" Jake comes back around.

Steven looked back at Jake, realizing how dumb his stance on not thinking vampires exist is now. "Okay. So maybe they are." Steven says, "But why are you so concerned about it? It seems like they're just feeding themself." he asks.

"I just feel a bit off about the fact that it seems like their work in killing criminals is only backed by the fact that they can use it to get their food," Jake answers. "What happens when the crime pool dries up completely? Who will they bite the throats of next?" Jake inquired, making a new point. "Just want to make sure we know who we're dealing with then." Jake concludes.

The sudden knock on the door causes the two of them to jump a bit. "Who the hell could that be?" Jake grumbles. "Are you expecting anybody?" Jake asks but Steven shakes his head. Jake gets up once a second knock comes, heading towards that door. "Who is it?" Jake calls.

Your voice answers from the other side.

"Oh shit." Jake whispers before switching out with Steven.

Steven unlatches and unlocks the door to show you standing just beyond the door frame. "Hello." he greets, "What brings you over here?".

"They needed to check my smoke detectors with the fire alarm check." you explain, "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you or if you're busy. I just have nowhere else to really go while they check them out and I don't want to be in the same room as they do all that." you explain further.

"Oh," Steven chimes, "No problem. I don't mind you spending some time here." he smiles. "Come on in." Steven says as he walks away from the frame to let you in.

He walks deeper into his flat as you come inside. "Would you like something? A snack? Some tea, even though it's too early for that." he offers. "No. I'm fine." you say as you look around and get a good look as you slowly stride on the same path into his flat. "It might be a bit of a mess. I wasn't expecting anyone to come over today." Steven apologizes as he puts away Jake's notes and newspaper clippings into a drawer.

"It's no proble-" you speak, but stop mid-sentence and make a face. "What's the matter?" Steven worries. "Nothing. It's just..." you say as you stand in his living room, "Did you eat some garlic earlier." you ask.

"I did. I had some garlic bread last night with my dinner. Is it still around?" Steven answers as he opens up a window near the kitchen to make the remaining air get out. "It is." you confirm, "Sorry. I just have a sensitive sense of smell and garlic is just a really strong smell so it makes me pause when I smell it." you explain. "It's okay," Steven remarks, "In all honesty, I don't care for the smell much either." he adds.

"I'm making something nice for dinner tonight. You're welcome to join me, I'm able to make enough for two." Steven offers again. "No. It's fine. I have a strict diet." you say. "Oh, if you're vegan it's perfectly fine. So am I." Steven tries to say but you cut him off. "No. Like..." you stammer, "I'm on a liquid diet. Doctor's orders." you explain.

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Steven apologized. "I hope it's nothing serious." he concerns.

"Judging by how pale they are, it looks like they need to eat some meat." Jake mutters.

"Come to look at them, they look like they match the decor of their place a bit too well." he thinks, but Steven, again, brushes him off.

[crenna]

Your Annoying Tumblr Mutual strikes yet again !!

I'm gonna ask you a few questions :> (these are all so random lmao) (as always, feel free to ignore ^^^)

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✰ how long have you been on tumblr?

✰ how did you come up with your url/username?

✰ what’s your phone’s lock screen?

✰ do you have any piercings//tattoos? (any you’d like to get?)

✰ do you wear glasses//contacts?

✰ has anyone ever told you you have a "celebrity look-alike"? if yes, who?

✰ best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

✰ are you a collector of anything in particular? If yes, what?

✰ I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD REST OF YOUR DAY AND TREAT YOURSELF AND I APPRECIATE YOU AND YES OKAY BYE FOR NOW <3

hihihi thank you for sending me stuff!! lovely to see you in my inbox again <3

✰ how long have you been on tumblr?

oh my gosh, i don’t even know! i’ve been here for years, maybe since 2018 at least? i took a long break though, and now i’ve been active for the last month and a half!

✰ how did you come up with your url/username?

a fun fact about me is that i LOVE pretty names and i have several lists of them in my notes app (very useful for naming fictional characters)! i think crenna was one pretty name on one of my lists and i was looking for an aesthetic username so i just chose it bc it was rare enough to be available? i still think it’s a pretty name so i’ve just kept it <3

✰ what’s your phone’s lock screen?

this is quite specific but it’s a picture i took of a building that looks like a castle that i’ve edited to be more aesthetic, and it has some text that reads ”what is the best thing you can do right now?” - it’s a question that helped me be more productive and not overthink at one point, so i wanted it on my lockscreen as a reminder <3

✰ do you have any piercings//tattoos? (any you’d like to get?)

no, i don’t, but i’d love to have my ears pierced, there are sooo many cute earrings out there! it’s better for my wallet that i don’t tho 😩

✰ do you wear glasses//contacts?

yes! i can’t function without my glasses, my vision is,,, bad </3

✰ has anyone ever told you you have a "celebrity look-alike"? if yes, who?

unfortunately no, but maybe someday!

✰ best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

i’m not sure about the best one, i’ve been really lucky to have lovely people tell me a lot of lovely things, but here are two compliments that i didn’t expect or think about myself so they really stuck with me and meant a lot:

someone once told me that i was strong. it was something i’d never associated with myself so i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since.

i was told my eyes are beautiful and the color of the ocean - i’ve never really got compliments for my eyes and the color has always confused me, so this one was just really sweet <3

✰ are you a collector of anything in particular? If yes, what?

not particularly, unless buying new books counts hehe? like, i have mini collections of things like pretty rocks and notebooks and warm knitted socks, but those have just happened instead of me deliberately collecting anything <3 i looove hearing about what others collect tho!!

I APPRECIATE YOU TOO i hope you have a lovely day!!

[oh-katsuki]

hiatus notice (11/2/22)

normal pinned post / navi

so i’ve been considering doing this for a while and it does make me a little sad to do it but i think i’ll be going on a hiatus. i’m not positive how long i’ll be taking a break for but i do know that i think i need one. 

i love writing. it is one of those little joys for me that makes my days infinitely better and gets me looking forward to getting up in the morning but i am completely exhausted. it’s tiring to constantly be worried about not having anything to post and to see comments over and over and over asking for more than i could ever realistically shell out. it’s exhausting to get messages for requests when i’ve never had them open on this blog in the first place (save for one single event when i first started it). it’s draining to get inbox messages asking when i’ll be putting content out next or asking for part 2′s of fics that are months (if not years) old after repeatedly asking for people not to do that. 

in the same manner, i love fandom space. i’ve said it before but i think fandom harbors such an incredible community where people can discuss similar interests with each other but recently, tumblr has not felt that way for me. it’s felt incredibly isolating to be on here. i’ve felt scrutinized at every turn these past few months and i really don’t think i would have been able to stick it out as long as i have if it weren’t for my incredible mutuals and friends. that being said, the amount of negativity that circulates on here has become overwhelming for me and i feel as if i become a version of myself that i don’t like when i see it. it, on occasion, has the ability to bring out the worst in me and i’d like to work on myself a bit (as well as my own security on social media) before coming back. 

i want to be able to write without the pressure of posting it or without worrying about not writing fast enough. i want to continue to enrich my love of writing and i can feel myself steadily burning out and that absolutely scares me. 

all of this being said, the main reason for this is that i just need a break. tumblr has become a place of anxiety for me and my blog hasn’t felt like a safe space in a very long time. i don’t think this is particularly attributed to anything in particular but rather, an internal issue within myself that i’ll need time to work on. 

i’ll still be writing and working on the things that make me happy, you’ll just be seeing considerably less of me while i focus on taking care of myself and fostering my passion for writing. 

if you’re a mutual and would like to keep in touch, i have a discord that i’m happy to shell out. 

thank you for being patient with me and i hope you’re all doing okay. i’ll be back soon <3 

[greenbergwrites]

I don’t have any particular prompt here so I was just wondering if you had any asks floating around your inbox you’d maybe feel like answering now. love your content, have a great day!

Just in case anyone’s curious about my thought processes here at the Trash Pile mainframe, this is how today’s story came about:

A few weeks (months??? what is time) ago, someone wanted two Steve’s, one Bucky, and I lamented that there aren’t any good alternate Steve names. So the Nani sent in suggestions, and none of them quite hit the spot, except one of the names they sent in was Etienne. The French version of Steve, I think they said. I can’t even decide if I even like the name or not, but it keeps randomly popping into my head. 

Two days ago, I was thinking about a version of the criminal!Bucky ‘verse, the beginning of their sexual relationship, but make it A/B/O. Yes, I just idly do these things, it keeps me entertained. But then my brain said, okay but how does Steve get comfy being his femme boy self / does he even realize this is a thing he likes, and if not, how does he figure it out.

Somewhere in the bowels of my inbox, someone once asked me if Steve has any sub friends. I didn’t have an answer for Nani then, so I just left it alone, but somehow the combination of the above two things has inadvertently answered this question.

So, here we are, another variation of criminal!Bucky and Steve’s friend, Etienne.

You know the drill. 

Alpha Criminal!Bucky, absolute beefcake of a man. It doesn’t matter how well he’s dressed, you can just look at him and tell he’s dangerous. Bearded, probably tatted up, a powerhouse. 

Steve, the beautiful little Omega he saved from a bad situation, shy and virginal and so easily overwhelmed by even the barest crumb of Bucky’s attention. Navigating life among Bucky’s people, always so surprised by the kindness he’s shown. The way these people try to arm him in their own ways, while Bucky looks on in absolute satisfaction.

Everything’s the same. Steve has his nightmares, starts sleeping in Bucky’s room, because even though Bucky represents everything he should fear, Bucky is also the person he feels safest with.

They’re not romantically or sexually involved yet, but Bucky’s already developed a reputation for being overly protective. Everyone knows about the mutual attraction, and nobody really knows if it’s the right thing to encourage or discourage it, so they’re just…letting things play out to see what they need to do.

Bucky has a Dom friend that he has dinner with, and that Dom has a mate/sub. Maybe they didn’t socialize this frequently before Steve, but Bucky wants him to make friends, to open up and strike out.

Enter Etienne.

The first time they meet, Steve is awestruck. It isn’t just that Etienne is a gorgeous, confident Omega. It’s that he’s shamelessly dressed so femininely.

Sandy, tousled curls and smoky eyes, rouge spread over fine cheekbones and plump, pouty lips. He’s wearing a slinky little dress that barely comes to his thighs, glittering red with matching heels and, more intriguingly, a slim, matching collar around his throat. Rather than a quiet dinner of four, he looks like he should be headed off to a nightclub, or movie premiere.

Etienne smirks when they’re introduced to each other. Whatever Bucky told his Alpha has been relayed to him, and even before he sets eyes on Steve, Etienne is already protective of him. Seeing the small, shy Omega clinging to Bucky’s arm only reinforces those feelings.

“We’re going to be best friends,” he decrees as they shake hands.

Surprisingly, they are. Steve isn’t sure how or why. Etienne is the complete opposite of him in every way; loud, flamboyant, bratty, combative. A strange mix of cool sophistication and impertinent sprite looking to cause mischief.

Every time Steve sees him, Etienne is in a dress or skirt. If he owns a pair of pants, Steve’s never seen them. He never makes a comment about it, apart from complimenting his outfit, because Etienne is a peacock and loves to preen.

One night, while at their weekly dinner, Steve sits in the living room and tries not to stare. Etienne is wearing his red dress again, and every time he moves, it glitters in the low lighting. It’s absolutely mesmerizing, though Steve can’t place why.

At some point, realizing just how long he’s been staring, Steve glances up and finds Etienne grinning at him. With a flourish, he stands.

“You two are boring,” he announces, looking between the Alphas. “Call us when dinner is ready.”

Without waiting for a reply, he grabs Steve’s hand and drags him out of his seat. Steve’s gaze jumps to Bucky, wide-eyed and unsure of what to do. Is he supposed to stay?

Etienne makes little progress in dragging him away, despite being bigger than Steve, until Bucky gives a slight nod.

“Go on, sweetheart,” he says gently. “You can go if you want. You don’t have to stay just for me.”

Etienne sticks his tongue out.

“Good, because I wasn’t going to let him,” he says, and flounces out of the room with Steve in tow.

“Etienne!” 

His Alpha has called out a reprimand, but it’s ignored. They’re upstairs and halfway down a long, narrow hallway, far out of earshot of the Alphas, before the pulling finally stops. Etienne rounds on Steve, that spark of mischief in his eyes.

“Wanna try one on?” He asks in a conspiratorial whisper.

Steve’s eyes widen. Before he can conjure a proper response, Etienne grins.

“I thought so.”

The first time he tries on a dress, it’s in the relative safety of Etienne’s walk-in closet. The dress he’s put in is a twin to Etienne’s, but in blue. Etienne pins it in the back, and then spends time hiking up the hem.

Steve’s heart slams against his ribcage as he stares at himself in the mirror. Etienne’s fussing fades into the background, and for a small eternity, there is only Steve and the dress. He’s pretty. He’s pretty…and he likes it.

He doesn’t know what to do with that information.

“Hot,” Etienne compliments, stepping back to take him in. 

Steve blinks, and looks at him. 

“You really think so?”

“Absolutely,” Etienne says, emphatically. “You should wear this to dinner.”

The very idea leaves Steve unable to breathe. He shakes his head so quickly that it gives him a rush, panic squeezing his chest. A million protests crowd his mind, but he can’t seem to voice them.

In the end, he forces out a quiet, breathy, “I can’t.”

Etienne eyes him critically. He’s learned over the course of their friendship how nobody really pushes Steve, and he at least partially understands why. But Etienne is also the definition of The Pushy Friend. He wants Steve to experience the things he’s been denied.

He also wants Steve to enjoy those experiences, though. With the way Steve’s worked himself up, there would be no enjoyment from this.

“I’ll let you win this time,” he says. “But not forever. You like it too much for me to let this go.”

Steve does like it. And that feeling only grows with every dinner. From that point forth, as soon as they arrive, Etienne drags him upstairs until it’s time to eat, and they spend the whole time in his closet, trying things on. With every dress and skirt he’s put in, Steve grows more and more comfortable, and a little more addicted to the feeling.

This kind of wardrobe feels right in a way that his own doesn’t. The worst part of his week is always having to take off Etienne’s clothes and going back to his own. 

“You don’t think it’s weird?” Steve asks one night, staring at himself in the mirror as he moves to and fro, mesmerized by the sway of the skirt around his thighs. “That I like this?”

In the back corner of the closet, there’s a space for a little vanity. Etienne sits in front of it, applying mascara. He snorts.

“Totally the wrong person to ask,” he says. “But no, it’s not weird. People like what they like. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, who cares?”

Steve is quiet for a few minutes, thinking about that.

“And your Alpha? He doesn’t…mind?”

Etienne gives him an incredulous look.

“Who do you think bought all this?” He asks, gesturing to his closet as a whole. “Sir likes my wardrobe. But even if he didn’t, he likes it when I’m happy.”

Sir.

Steve blushes. It’s what Etienne calls his Alpha mate. 

He’s learned over their many conversations about the kind of relationship they have. He’s also learned, through a few choice comments made by Etienne, that Bucky shares at least some of their inclinations. He doesn’t know what to do with any of that information, so he mostly just ignores it.

Etienne puts the mascara down.

“This is about Alpha Barnes,” he says.

Steve’s blush only deepens. He looks away from Etienne, back to the mirror and the image of himself there.

“No,” he lies. “Bucky would–”

Steve doesn’t know what Bucky would do. That’s the problem. He can’t strike up the courage to wear something so flamboyant, and then be rejected by his Alpha.

Bucky isn’t even his Alpha, not in any real sense. Steve just can’t help but think of him that way. Can’t help but want it so badly that his mind has already accepted it as a foregone conclusion. There is only one person his body–his soul–will accept.

“He would do what?” Etienne asks, rolling his eyes. “Want you even more than he already does? That’s not possible.”

This is a point of contention between them. Etienne is absolutely certain that Bucky wants Steve just as badly as Steve wants him. Steve is certain that Etienne, for reasons unknown, likes him enough that he doesn’t want to hurt Steve with the truth.

It’s not that Steve is utterly oblivious. There’s attraction there, for sure. They are, at least, compatible. And Bucky does care for him, wants to see him safe from harm. 

But if Bucky wanted him—truly wanted him, the way Steve wants him—wouldn’t he have said so by now? Something must be holding him back. Something must’ve made him decide that Steve isn’t worth the trouble as a mate.

Pain lances through his chest. They’ve argued this before, but somehow it hurts more in the moment, while he’s dressed in a skirt, both worried about and wanting impossible things.

“Don’t,” he whispers.

Etienne eyes him for a moment, frowning. When he decides against pushing, he sighs dramatically and flings a shawl around his shoulders.

“Are you wearing that to dinner?” He asks. “Because if not, you should change. I think I hear footsteps down the hall.”

The tension dissipates. 

Etienne doesn’t manage to convince Steve to take that leap for a few more weeks.

And then, one evening when it’s Bucky’s turn to host, Etienne shows up on his Alpha’s arm with a bag in tow and the kind of smile that means trouble.

“I have a surprise,” he announces, and drags Steve off in the direction of the bedrooms before proper hellos are even made.

The surprise is an outfit. A pleated skirt, soft pink in color, and a heather gray graphic t-shirt with Van Gogh’s likeness emblazoned in the middle. The look is completed with a pair of simple flats. 

“I figured out the problem,” Etienne says, as he pulls each item from his bag. “My clothes are too flashy. They aren’t your style. You need something simple.”

He gestures to what he’s laid out on the bed. It is simple, but to Steve, it’s beautiful. It’s perfect. A little too perfect. The clothes are too small for Etienne, and none of it looks like it came from his closet. And then there’s the image on the shirt. Van Gogh; an artist. An artist…for Steve, who dabbles.

His throat tightens.

“You bought this for me?”

The clothes don’t have any tags, but it’s the only explanation. Etienne must have gone shopping and picked all of this out with Steve in mind. 

It’s one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for him.

“Maybe.” Etienne eyes him. “If I say yes, are you going to cry? Because if you cry, Bucky will–”

He mimes a stabbing motion, and Steve chokes out a laugh.

“I’m too pretty to die,” Etienne says. “And really, whether or not I bought this stuff is not the elephant in the room. The elephant in the room is the big friendship-defining question of whether or not you trust me.”

Steve blinks, utterly thrown by the question.

“Why?” He asks slowly, because it might be out of left field, but this is Etienne. It’s always best to know what you’re agreeing to.

Etienne rolls his eyes.

“Because,” he says, “it’s capital-T Time. You’re gonna put this on and wear it to dinner if I have to wrestle you every step of the way.”

Steve looks at the outfit again. He imagines himself in it at the dinner table, in front of Etienne’s Sir and Bucky and whoever else happens to see him. The idea isn’t as daunting as it was the first time he put on Etienne’s clothes. In fact, there’s a part of him that thrills at the notion. But–

“What if he doesn’t like it?”

It comes out a whisper. Steve doesn’t know why it matters so much. Etienne is right; it shouldn’t matter as long as he’s not hurting anyone. And this is slowly starting to become part of his identity, the person he’s discovering after years of being an empty shell just trying to survive.

He finds himself looking at pretty clothes more and more, peeking at them when they’re out or searching for them in private when he’s on his phone. He’s looked at other things, too, not just skirts. Etienne opened a door inside him, however accidentally, and now Steve is learning that he prefers almost everything in what society would call a “feminine” style. Pretty, soft, colorful styles.

It’s a terrifying discovery to make, when he’s been told all his life that he’s bad, useless, wrong. A mistake.

Bucky was the first person to care. The first to tell him and then show him that he deserved better. To have this part of himself rejected by the only Alpha he’d want claiming him? It would break him.

Etienne’s expression grows gravely serious. He puts his hands on Steve’s shoulders, squeezing until Steve finally looks up and meets his eye.

“Do you trust me?” He asks again, but it isn’t in the cavalier, devil-may-care way he did before. This time, it’s a genuine question.

Steve nods. He trusts Etienne the way he trusts Bucky, and Natasha, and everyone else in Bucky’s inner circle that’s shown him care and kindness. Etienne is a true friend; perhaps Steve’s first.

“The worst case scenario,” Etienne says, “is that he won’t care. Literally, worst case. Anything else is your brain lying to you. But I don’t even think that’s going to happen. I think he’s going to like it on you as much as you like it on you. I’m so certain of it, in fact, that if he doesn’t react the way I think he will, I’ll wear boring, drab clothes for a month.”

Steve fights a smile.

“A whole month? That’s pretty certain.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

In the end, wrestling isn’t necessary. If Steve’s being really honest with himself–and he tries to be–he wants Etienne to bully him into it. He’ll never have the courage to do it on his own. 

His heart nearly pounds out of his chest when he follows Etienne down the hall. The outfit is a perfect fit, and he was fine wearing it in the safety of his bedroom. More than fine, even. Etienne gushed over how amazing he looked and Steve just blushed and tried not to think about how good it felt. How right it was.

Now, he feels bare. Exposed. The cool air on his legs is a constant reminder of what he’s wearing. The skirt brushes his thighs and Steve worries if it’s too short. Goosebumps break out over his skin.

Steve keeps his head down, his eyes on the floor. They pass people, but no one says a word. Of course they don’t; Etienne stares each person down, daring any of them to utter a sound. Between his pseudo-bodyguard and Steve’s rapid pulse, his scent drenched in fear and nerves, they know better than to acknowledge anything.

As they near the dining room, Steve starts to tremble.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispers.

Etienne pulls him into a shadowy alcove, away from prying eyes. 

“You look hot,” he whispers back. “In fact, you look so hot, it’s almost criminal, considering how vanilla this outfit is.”

“It is not!”

“It really is,” says Etienne, who regularly wears both clothing and accessories that could be considered ‘gaudy’ by certain crowds. “But we can go back and change if you really want to. I don’t want this to be a bad memory for you. It’s okay if you’re not ready, and again, Bucky will literally kill me if I upset you.”

Before Steve can tell him to stop being ridiculous, a noise down the hall catches their attention. Footsteps.

As a runt, Steve doesn’t have the same senses that everyone else does. His are dulled to almost a human level. Even without them, though, he knows who it is. It’s like his soul knows, even if he can’t confirm it through scent.

“Etienne,” Bucky calls, his voice flat, almost angry. “What have you done to him?”

Etienne sticks his head out of the alcove, glaring down the hall.

“I haven’t done anything! Now go away, we’ll be there in a minute!”

“He’s scared, Etienne,” Bucky snaps back, already so close to their hiding place. “I could hear his heartbeat halfway across the house and this hallway is drenched in the scent. Now where is he?”

Steve closes his eyes, a tingling warmth bursting to life in his chest and spreading outward until he’s filled with it from head to toe. It brings with it a sense of calm, and certainty. 

Bucky cares. Of course he does. It was silly to ever think any differently.

With a deep breath, Steve pushes past Etienne and steps into view. Bucky halts immediately, just a few feet away. His irritation melts away as he takes Steve in. He looks to Etienne and then back again, scanning Steve up and down.

For long, drawn out seconds, there’s nothing but silence. It doesn’t hurt Steve, or scare him. Bucky’s body language, the heat in his gaze, tells Steve what his other senses can’t. 

“Sweetheart,” Bucky finally says, infinitely gentle. “Is Etienne making you do something you don’t want to do?”

“No,” Etienne protests.

Bucky holds a finger out, silencing him. His gaze doesn’t stray from Steve.

“Is he?”

Steve shakes his head. It’s hard to speak, but he manages to breathe out, “No.”

“You want to wear this?”

A nod. Now, he grows nervous. He thinks Bucky likes it, but the doubts are starting to sprout again. He fidgets.

Etienne makes an impatient noise.

“You have to tell him that you like it,” he snaps. “That’s why he was scared.”

Something shifts in Bucky’s expression.

“Is that true?” When Steve nods, Bucky’s gaze softens. “Sweetheart.”

He closes the distance between them, cupping Steve’s face and kissing his forehead. With a soft, needy noise, Steve burrows into his chest, clinging to his suit jacket.

“Of course I like it,” Bucky murmurs, nuzzling his hair. “You’re absolutely gorgeous. I just don’t want you doing things you don’t like because you think it’ll make someone else happy. Whether that’s me, Etienne, or anyone else. I want you to do the things that make you happy.”

Steve rubs his cheek against Bucky’s chest, breathing in his scent. Nothing feels as good as this; being safe and secure in his Alpha’s embrace. 

“This makes me happy,” he whispers, his voice so small it’s a wonder anyone hears him at all. Admitting it at all is a trial; he’s so afraid that it’ll be taken away if he admits it. But he doesn’t want Etienne in trouble, either. 

“The cuddling or the clothes?”

Steve blushes. “Both.”

Bucky hums thoughtfully. Before Steve can fully process his Alpha’s movements, he’s hoisted into the air. He automatically wraps his legs around Bucky’s waist, clinging to his neck and staring at him with wide eyes.

“I think,” Bucky says, mock seriously, “we’re suddenly experiencing a shortage of chairs in the dining room. You may have to eat dinner on my lap, sweetheart. Would that be alright with you?”

Steve bites his lip against a smile, nodding emphatically.

“Good.” Bucky starts walking down the hall. “Afterwards, Etienne can tell me where he got these clothes, and we can shop for more.”

“I can definitely do that,” Etienne says, trailing behind them.

When Steve looks over his Alpha’s shoulder, Etienne sticks his tongue out and mouths, Told you so.

[creativeashproductions]

When the Pain Ends // Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Breaking up with your boyfriend ends with your broken hand, a broken heart and a trip to Canada. Getting out of Oklahoma for comfort of your younger brother Owen brings you into contact with a sweet Canadian.

Warnings: Swearing, hospital, cheating boyfriend, angst and bit of fluff

Words: 3.1k

Requested: No.

A/N: Tidbit of info is that I am a university student. I had last week off and I’m six minutes into my History Zoom Lecture. Here’s a little fic.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

The scowl glued on your face as you waited in the ER for the results from the x-ray you had gotten back from minutes ago. A bag of ice on the swollen knuckles of your right hand still splattered in drops of blood. The same blood as the small drops on your shirt as well. If that didn’t put a scowl on your face, it was the next issue.

The reason for your visit to the ER was in bed next over complaining as a nurse checked his face. His eyes meeting yours in a blend of guilt, regret and fear almost. You couldn’t meet his eyes. You didn’t want to meet his eyes.

Let’s backtrack a little for a short history.

The summer after graduation, you had met a guy on the beach playing volleyball in need of another player. You joined, and then you fell for the guy just as he did for you. For the last three years, you were now twenty-one years old. Parker had been a really good guy. Until yesterday.

“Babe!” Parker sounded congested with the bandages held up his nose. He had been fighting the nurse to come to your side.

“Don’t call me that!” You hissed glaring at the tall boy with the auburn hair colour that had once been your favourite colour.

“C’mon it was a mistake-Ow!” Parker whined at the nurse applied more pressure as she cast a sympathetic glance at you. A small smile of thanks passed to the nurse who had maybe pressed a little no hard on Parker’s nose.

Your eyes rolled at the drama that was Parker when it came to injuries that had been his entire fault, to be frank. Your fist meeting his face? His fault for cheating. What did he expect? A congratulations? Screw that.

“Say anything else I swear I’ll hit the other ball.” You glared at the boy sending him to a fit, shaking fear of stupidity.

The beach was filled up with teens and adults with children on the nice weekend day out of the loud city. Originally you hadn’t been able to join Parker with your mutual friends, but something else had spurred you there. Instead of having the weekly movie night via FaceTime with your younger brother, you had other plans. A particular video sent by Parker’s best friend and his cousin too had brought you here. Livvy had grown close in the three-year relationship you had with her cousin.

Your fury filled gaze flickered around the beach and the grass in the large opening area of the waterfront. Finally, your eyes found Parker sitting with Livvy on the blanket on the grass with Steve. Livvy was the first to see with marching through the people spreading like a curtain from the angry girl.

“Hey, Parker!” You shouted at your boyfriend in a conversation with your other two friends. Parker’s smile grew just before it falters at your expression.

“Hey, Babe,” Parker spoke, climbing to his full five-foot-ten stature. Livvy’s smile pulled up in an amused smirk while Steve looked more confused.

“How was your weekend at your sick Granny’s house?” You came to a stop a foot away from him. Arms crossed just under your chest his thick eyebrows furrowed together.

“Uh…it was okay. She’s feeling better.” Parker nodded to himself tilting his head to the side, “It was-“

“I hope she better. Her treatment must have been incredible.” You replied, unfurling your arms to grab the phone from your back pocket.

Parker grew more confused, “What?”

“The doctor sure knew what he was doing. The prescription of ‘dicked down’ cured her illness and old age.” The whistle you made after your statement sounded, but you grew more satisfied with the circle of people behind you.

“Oh.” Steve choked, raising one fist to press against his mouth. By now Livvy had started recording on her phone.

Livvy and Parker may be cousins, but she loathed cheaters when it was the cause of her parents’ divorce. Parker’s lips parted as he paled. The click of the glass screen brought up a video of Parker and a brunette in a hot tub.

“Ba-“

“Fucking look at your actions.” You hissed stepping even closer, “Was it worth it? Jeopardizing a relationship with someone you share years of memories with? Years of love and trust? All for thirty seconds of fun? We both know you tend to…get too excited.”

“Oh shit,” Steve spoke, shifting his gaze between you and Parker like he was a bobblehead of Einstein. The very bobblehead that you had laughed giving Steve with his obsession over the legendary scientist.

“It just happened. I still love you. I just needed a- “Parker stumbled back bringing his hands to his face, “OW! You broke my nose!”

“Ouch.” You hissed shaking your aching hand coated in some blood that splattered your shirt from shaking the hand.

“What the hell! You bit…holy fuck!” Parker screamed as your foot came up between his spread legs, nailing his left nut. He collapsed onto the grass, struggling to hold his bleeding broke nose and his nuts.

“That’s what you get asshole.” You shouted, turning to Livvy, “Can you take me to the hospital?”

“Parker drove, I’ll drive you both there. Steve can keep you two from fighting.” Livvy spoke, ending the video to shove everything in the oversized beach bag.

Now it was hours later as per usual in most hospitals elongating the time you were forced to spend with your now ex-boyfriend. Livvy and Steve had gone home a while back. Parker continued trying to fix the unrepairable damage he had done.

“Y-“

“That’s it!” You exclaimed jumping down from the bed to storm over to Parker. You made a few steps before arms encircled your waist.

“Okay, Slugger.” The gritty voice of your father spoke tugging you as far away from your ex-boyfriend as possible, “As much I want to kill him, I think you broke his pretty-boy face enough.”

The anger drained from your body as you slumped against your dad anguish set in with a tsunami of hurt. Time melted as you broke in your father’s arm; missing the doctor giving information. Your hand was fitted with a cast, and next thing you were aware of it was in the car.

“You bruised hits nuts. Broke his nose.” Dad nonchalantly spoke, turning the steering wheel as he exited the hospital parking lot. He didn’t bother making small talk as he let you be quiet on the drive home.

You didn’t know what hurt more, the heartache or your broken hand stabilized in the brace. The clearing of a throat had your attention is drawn to the house you had grown up no doubt holding your upset mother.

“She’s not that mad.” Dad quietly spoke, handing your phone that had died during the time in the ER. You shot him a look at the inaccuracy of his statement because you both know she was angry.

“Her daughter just spent hours in a hospital with a dead phone. We both know she probably thought I was dead in a ditch.” You deadpanned as you both walked up to the door of the home in Norman, Oklahoma.

The door opened before you could reach for it, and a flurry of blonde hair attacked you in a hug. Your mother hugged then leaned away to scan your features. Catching the dried tear stains paired with the red-rimmed eyes.

“Sweetheart.” Dinah spoke, raising her hands to wipe the tears from your face only causing more to fall, “What’s wrong?”

“Parker cheated on me.” You mumbled melting into her arms in another round of tears, breaking your parents’ hearts.

Meanwhile in Vancouver, Canada

Owen loved his job and the people he had met, but he missed the weekly movie nights with his older sister. The Joyner siblings had gotten down pat a system of sync to have the same movie playing at the same time on FaceTime. Imagine his surprise when he got a text apologizing.

Virtual movie night postponed. It put him in a slump that greatly concerned his roommate at the decrease of excitement. Even the next day, he was sad like a kicked puppy.

“Bro? You good?” Charlie asked from his place in the kitchen, scanning his emails on his computer. Owen barely made his eyes, “Wasn’t movie night with your sister yesterday?”

Owen nodded, “Yeah she-“

As Owen had gone to explain his phone had dinged with a concerning message from his mother.

Mom: Have you heard from Y/N? She hasn’t come home.

Owen swiped out of the conversation to the most used one with you shared with him to send a mass of messages. All not even coming up as read by you. It was his stipulation that you had it one for his safe of mind.

“C’mon you little shit,” Owen grumbled, pressing your contact to call. It didn’t even ring, “Dead cell.”

Charlie’s full attention shifted to the younger guy sitting on their couch in the apartment they used during filming. As Owen started pacing, Charlie was over quick as a bunny to offer comfort to him. The boys had grown so close, with Jeremy too, that they knew how to help the other.

“Owen, you need to tell me what’s going on.” Charlie soothed the blonde with his eyes pleading with the teenager.

“My parents haven’t talked to my sister. She didn’t go home.” Owen admitted scratching at his chest when his chest tightened. The other immediately finding his pulse on his neck to ensure he still had a pulse.

“Oh shit.” Charlie retorted, tapping his foot on the hardwood floor trying to find the right words to help his friend.

For the next hour, the boys kept in contact with Owen’s family and checking your social media in shifts as they filmed. It was a slow day when Owen’s phone finally rang with his mother’s contact once more.

“Mom, did you find her?” Owen asked, picking at the skin on his lips pacing as he had all day. The level of anxiety had been perfect for the scene he had filmed as Alex.

“Yeah. Look, Owen, she needs to get out of Oklahoma. Do you have room for her?” Dinah asked her son periodically glancing in the living room at the lifeless young woman.

“Yeah. We have an extra room.” Owen supplied squeezing the phone in his grip, “How is she? What happened?”

“I’m letting her settle before I ask any questions, but her flight is in a bit. It was either you take her in, or we pay for a hotel room. Oh! I got this lego-“

“I have to get back to filming. I’ll call you tonight.” Owen told his mother as his thumb hit the record circle on his phone. Kenny waving him over to film a scene with Booboo that would be the last before heading home.

The over the counter pain pill went down with a swig of water in the airport waiting for Owen and his roommate. Owen had messaged you that he would pick you up on the way from the set in perfect timing.

“Y/N!” Owen cheered catching sight of your form hunched forward on the bench you had miraculously found empty. Your blank eyes seeing the blue of your younger brother.

Owen’s eyes widened in shock, “What the hell happened to your hand?”

Noncommittal, the girl walked by her brother with her luggage in the mission to get to the car. All you wanted was to burst into years under your blankets until the world turned again, when birds sang, and the word wasn’t painted in dull colours.

Just as it had during the ride from the hospital to the house, it was dead silent in the car with the barest sound of music. Owen and Charlie had been having a conversation with expressions with the tension in the backseat stifling.

“This is our place.” Charlie spoke, opening the apartment door with a flourish for the girl and her luggage. Your eyes scanned the modest apartment with minimal mess compared to the tornado devastation of Owen’s Oklahoma room.

“Okay.” You replied, watching as Owen rolled the luggage to the room you would use for the few weeks you would be here.

Once showered, dressed and settled, you retreated to the couch to watch a film with the two boys. Your mind fluttered between Beca’s blow out with her father and Jesse to the city of Norman. As if thinking of Parker manifested something your phone buzzed with notifications.

@/livvyjo: Go, girl! [video]

@/malia134: Parker goes down like the bitch he is!!!

@/notsteverogers: I got a front-row seat to the fight.

Those three comments on Livvy’s video had more support than hate plus the video itself was hilarious. It caught the entire confrontation from greeting the cheater to being pulled away to spend the ten minutes in the same car. The car you had hooked up in the backseat of in the years you dated him.

 “-The prescription of ‘dicked down’ cured her illness and old age.” The pure anger on your expression amused you.

“What are you watching?” Owen inquired from the couch he watched the movie from. It made up for the lack of a film last night.

“A girl punching her bag of shit ex-boyfriend. She almost ripped his face off in the hospital.” You softly replied with your thumb double-tapping Livvy’s post.

Charlie’s attention shifted from the pool mashup with the Barden Bellas to the pride evident in your tone. It was the first time he had heard you laugh during the few hours he had been in your presence.

“What movie?”

“Oh, you know Parker’s Dicked Down Adventures. Filmed free with an iPhone.” You spoke sliding down to sit flush to Charlie to show the video you refreshed.

Owen’s mouth opened, “He cheated on you? How stupid is he??”

“You have a mean right hook.” Charlie supplied replaying the video for the third time with a weird feeling in his gut. The confidence stirred a body warming heat in the Canadian actor unlike anything else he had felt before.

“Dad taught me.” You replied, slouching down in the plush couch with a tiny smiling, “The nurse heard what happened. She put excessive pressure for his actions. I overheard his diagnosis; nasty bruised testicle and a broken nose.”

Both boys winced at the description. Owen ditching Charlie’s side to sit beside you, leaving you in the middle of the boys.

“I almost attacked him before Dad dragged me out of the room.” You recounted snuggling into your younger brother’s side.

“Where are my keys?” Owen questioned his roommate, “We need them to drive to the airport. I need to kill the ass that hurt my sister.”

Your deft fingers grasped Owen’s wrist when he went to get up because, in all honesty, he probably would book a flight. He wouldn’t go through with the plan to physically hurt Parker, but Owen had a wicked tongue for insults.

You spent one month in Vancouver with your brother and his castmates from helping Maddie with her homework. Movie nights with Owen changed to include Charlie too. Shopping trips with Sav and Tori. Baking with Jadah. You became family with them.

All good things come to an end. You had settled back in Norman with brighter plans that didn’t involve relying on men. Movie nights still happened with the boys, but things got hectic. Virtual movie nights shifted to texting Charlie and calls.

“Hey dork.” Charlie spoke walking down the street in Vancouver to the restaurant he was meeting the cast at. His lips pulled back in a massive grin, hearing your voice.

“Hey Char!” You enthusiastically spoke, walking out of the building with more pep in your step at the voice of the man, “What’s up?”

“On my way for food with everyone. How are you feeling?” Charlie asked, rubbing his fingertips on the dark denim pants. The sound of your voice brightening up his day more than he thought possible.

“Ooh. I should let you go, huh?” You questioned shifting to hold the phone between your shoulder and chin. Fingers unlocked the new car you had bought with the money you had saved.

A nice change of money from selling the jewellery, clothes and other miscellaneous gifts Parker had given you. The necklace he gave you that once belonged to his grandmother had been given back to him. Other than that you had no interaction with the ass.

“I’d rather talk to you.” Charlie admitted biting his lip in concentration, “I have a question.”

“Okay. What’s your question?” You questioned as your phone connected to your car—Charlie’s voice coming through the car speakers.

“Filming is almost over. Do you have plans for New Years? I’d like you to see you again.”

His words set a flutter of butterflies moving in your stomach at his nervous confidence striking the new information. The change in your friendship had been felt on his side as well and while you usually would think one-month post cheating wasn’t long enough. Something about Charlie felt comfortable as if everything had been preparing to fall for him.

“I could fly-“

“I’d like to see where you grew up. Your favourite places and where you went to school. I want to know the little things that made you who you are.” Charlie spoke coming to a stop outside the restaurant, waiting for your answer.

Owen’s eyes pulled from his debate with Sacha and Jeremy to the nervous Canadian biting his lip outside the window. By the expression on his face, Owen couldn’t guess who he was talking about. It was the smile that had been appearing on Charlie’s face for the last two weeks you had been staying with them.

Charlie had fallen for Owen’s big sister, and he couldn’t think of anyone better. The bond between you and Charlie had been natural and magical to watch. It was kinda gross seeing his best friend and sister having heart eyes with each other. Yet, Owen had never liked Parker, but he loved the idea of having Charlie as a brother.

“Y-yeah. Of course, you can Char.” The flattering blush heated up your skin at the turn in the convo—a grin splitting on the two individuals with more than three thousand kilometres between them.

“Cool. I should join the cast. I’ll text you later.”

“Bye, Charlie.” You whispered to the boy looking out the window noticing something she had been oblivious to.

The world had regained the colour, the birds sang again, and the world turned once more. All because a boy helped her heal.

Tag List (PLEASE SEND AN INBOX TO BE ADDED! I CANNOT GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE ON THE LIST VIA POST COMMENTS!)

@safehavenmuse @siennanoelle01 @whiterose291 @mell-bell @blackhood5sos @ficrecsideblog @ifilwtmfc @deadpoolgirl23 @crappy-unicorn @sunsetcurve-h @elioelioeli0 @lovesanimals @popcrone818 @lolychu @deepsleepnat @tenaciousperfectionunknown @aunicornmademedoit @just-a-writer-here @simp4reggie @parkeret @faithiebrock01 @overlyhypedup @differentsoulrascalsalad @aesthetic-lyss @versaceapa @carleywhittaker @lostgirl219 @itsalexx21 @elllaoo4 @merxxleighann @mediocremunge @fantomlovesjuke4ever @dpaccione @oswin05 @kaylinfayezink @aberette13 @faithie-brock-gillespie01 @eharvey0218 @overlyhypedup @benstormy @auriandthepussicats @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @whothefuckstolemykeds @kcd15​ @siriuswvrld​ @princessvader15​ @xoxbloodreinaxox @heimdoodle​ @joshy-obx​ @lovesanimals​ @oopsiedoopsie23​ @am3l1a-24 @flying-solo-without-you​ @jaskiers-sweetkiss​ @lostrandomfangirl​n @must-be-a-weasley-92​ @jatp-holland​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @dxlanhxlland​ @dasexydevitt13​ @ifilwtmfc @arianagrandes-things @kinda-really-lost​ @marinettepotterandplagg​​ @ssprayberrythings​​ @morgandamrose @thedarkqueenofavalon​ @zukoshonourr​ @crybabyddl @spooky-season-bitch​ @kcd15​ @morganayennefertyrell @magnet-girl​ @all-in-fangirl​ @kinda-really-lost @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @badwolf00593​ @blowakissbabe​

[my-writings-and-musings]

Hello! Thank you for answering my Ravage request, I love it so much! Also your last Rodimus prompt really helped me yesterday, thank you.

Can I request some headcanons about how would Megatron, Swerve and Rung react to love confession from their human crush? Free to ignore it if there's too many characters

(sorry if it's not okay to send more than one request in such short amount of time)

Yay I'm glad that you liked what I wrote and that some of my other stuff helped you out! Sorry for the delay in answering these, I've been quite surprised by the volume in my inbox! I have three lovely bots reacting to love here, and feel free to send in requests so long as my inbox is open!

Megatron

·The confession thankfully occurs while he's seated, as the impact force of a thirty foot mech collapsing to the floor would have been... considerable. That's not to say his physical reaction is at all subtle though. Eons of combat training and discipline dissapear in a flash and his expression shows the full extent of his shock. Was he dreaming? Or did his audials need repair? There must be some confusion, because he's fairly certain the little human on his desk just said that they loved him. No matter his own considerable feelings for them, he must be considerably mistaken, because that would simply be impossible.

·Except it isn't impossible. In fact, it's the truth, you tell him more than a few times over once he starts asking if you're confused or perhaps unwell. He wants to be elated, but a lifetime of training keeps that reaction well contained, as he knows from experience that these things simply cannot happen to bots like himself. Kneeling before the table you stand on, he tries not to sound pitiful or ungrateful as he requests clarification one final time, saying that he couldn't possibly expect love from one who had so much to hate him for.

·You're firm but as gentle as you might be with a fragile bit of glass as you make it undeniably clear; you love him. The only thing you're unsure of, and hoping to find out yourself, is whether or not he feels the same. All the expectation in your eyes compels him to act as impulsively as a sparkling, and he emphatically returns your feelings in a hushed reply, raising a tender hand to hold your little body in the rush of emotion shooting through him.

·There's a moment of icy reality to stop him in his tracks. Don't you know what he's done? What being with him could put you at risk of? That there's nothing to be gained from entangling yourself in the mess he's made of his life? Well accustomed to this behavior, you stand your ground and look him square in the optics, affirming that you're well aware of everything he's just said, but that the only thing you want from him is him, so everything you must endure in relation to him is already worth the struggle. In a rare burst of emotion he pulls your little body to his chest for the gentlest of hugs.

·He laughs for the first time in what has to be eons. There's the smallest hint of a fog in his optics as you find yourself tearing up too, overwhelmed by this hulking bot finally opening up to you completely and just being happy. For his part, he can't truly believe any of this is yet real, but he isn't going to bother with that for now. To know you love him is the greatest peace he's ever experienced, but also the most invigorating kind of euphoria. There's youthful hope in his spark again, encouraging his desire to explore and experience the wonders of life now that he has you at his side, but for this single moment he's content to just... be. One bot, one human, embracing through their laughter and tears.

Swerve

·Somehow he forgets he was polishing a glass at all in the second it takes for it to shatter upon impact with the ground. You had been talking, going round in a way that suggested you were intent on getting to a particular topic, but then...? The glass is forgotten as he gently cuts off your attempt at an apology, spark pulsing and voicebox constricting as he asks you to repeat yourself, looking like he's terrified beyond all belief as he does so. A kind of fear he hasn't felt in a long time prevents him from pretending to be okay like he's so used to doing.

·At your careful reassurance that you did indeed say you love him, and that you meant it, he speaks so softly in response you can barely hear him. The questions he whispers are slow and deliberate, and if he could see anything but you he'd be grateful no one else is present to witness him acting so... shy. He has to make sure though, because it just doesn't seem possible; you love him? Beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring you is in love with... him? But he loves you too, and that means you love each other, and how is that possible?!

·Disbelief slowly melts into a happiness he's afraid to let in only because it's so foreign to him, but bit by bit he begins to realize this is actually happening, and his lonely spark lets the feeling in. Tears start to drop from his foggy visor as a trembling smile pulls up his cheeks, compelling you to reach out from your spot on the bar and invite him into a comforting hug. While he clarifies that he's never felt better, he still happily takes the hug, pulling in your tiny body with his large servos and carefully holding you close.

·Feeling the warmth of you against him sends another wave of beautiful confirmation through him; this is real. The loneliness that always plagued his spark seems insignificant now, as if he's gained a kind of perspective just knowing someone like you could care so deeply for him. All of his friends, all of his patrons, and you at the very center of it all... Why wasn't he ever able to see just how much warmth and goodness there was before this moment?

·Tears are streaming down his face when he lets you go, and at your concern he assures you it's nothing to worry about. There are more questions, but they're happy now, and he's smiling like never before as you dutifully answer every query whilst dabbing his cheeks with a towel that's blanket sized for you. He wants to know; when did you start to have feelings? Does this mean you really don't mind his jokes? Can he tell the others? Is he handsome by human standards? There's so much for him to say but, for once, no rush to say it. Somehow he's finally realized that he doesn't need to talk to get your attention, he just needs to be himself, and the banter is simply a lovely bonus.

Rung

·Though he's certain he misheard, he removes his glasses almost on instinct, looking to the little lifeform he's grown so close to with an unguarded expression of apprehension tinged with hope, gentle but rarely seen optics looking to you with that vulnerability he keeps so well hidden from everyone else. You only remain silent because you briefly lose yourself in his gaze, which is as desperate as it is due to him wanting so badly to believe he did indeed just hear what he's uncertain is actually possible. The request for you to repeat is so soft it's barely audible. Thin digits try to polish his lenses as is his custom when concealing stress, but he fumbles so frequently he has to cease just as he begins.

·You stand near the edge of the table, speaking slowly and clearly so there can be no misunderstanding. The confession is indeed irrefutable this time around, the simple words breaking the silence with their surprising weight and drawing a tiny gasp from him in the process. His hand over his mouth prevents further exclamations, though he's certainly not capable of making any in his current state. Something in the depths of his being has always yearned for this, but he never dared to even dream it could happen, that he could love and in return be loved.

·Tears on his precious face spur you to act, if only because they're absolutely heartbreaking, but as he moves his hand from his mouth you see that despite his sobs he's absolutely beaming. You're surprised even further when he laughs through the tears, and at your prompting says that he's just overwhelmed. You, wonderful and thoughtful and brilliantly unique little you, in love with the bot no one can remember? What has he ever done to be this fortunate? Admittedly he's not fully convinced that this isn't a dream, but he has no intention of letting that stop him from basking in this wonderful feeling.

·You can't help but cry a little too, seeing him overwhelmed in a way you never could have anticipated. Tiny human hands take his offered servo and guide the tip of his digit to brush adoringly over your cheek, just as he so often does, but you notice that for the first time ever there's no hesitation to the action. There's only pure, serene affection. Looking into his optics, you see a mech almost made new, as if the validation you give him just by existing and loving him has changed his entire outlook on life. For a bot who does so much for others, you can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is to give him that peace.

·Still as bashful as they come, he blushes when you move in to embrace him from the tables edge on a whim, but the sheepish hesitation quickly gives way to a mutual hug. The hum of his spark is almost melodic in your ears as you press your head into his warm chest. Your tiny heartbeat, just perceptible to the servo he has cradling you close, is equally jubilant to his touch. The beauty of it all is almost enough to make him dizzy; for the first time in his life he feels truly seen, truly heard, truly here. Reality is still moving just as it was before, but now he genuinely feels like he is a part of it all, here with you in his loving arms. You make him certain that he's worth remembering.

[sssardonian-ssserpent]

((I’m going to be honest. I’m kinda scared I’m doing something wrong. Or at the very least I’m messing things up that I shouldn’t be on here. I’ve noticed that there’s been a drastic decrease in terms of interaction on all 3 of my blogs ever since I made the decision to make a sideblog for multiversal content to begin with, and that no one seems to be biting at my succubus blog. What went from maybe 1-2 days of maybe nothing in terms of inbox questions or anons has all but slowed to a damn crawl, to the point where my inbox sits empty with barely anything for almost every day, with only my main blog really getting any attention. And I’ve noticed that even when I try to get something going, like ask memes that seem to popular on the dash or things that look fun and I want to try them out, I get almost next to nothing while it seems like everyone else’s dashes are being constantly flooded with responses and threads. To be clear, I’m not trying to guilt-trip anyone into feeling bad for me, nor am I trying to twist people’s arms into dumping shit into my inbox because I want to make them. Nor am I pointing the finger at any of the people I’m mutuals with and accusing you of ignoring me. This is not about anyone in particular at all. I’m just taking a moment to air out a few of my uncertainties here because I’m frankly new to blog style RP’s and I’m scared I’m somehow doing something wrong.

A part of me is wondering if I somehow dissuaded people to interact with me, or I made the process more difficult, or if I made the impression that I don’t want people to interact, which is honestly the farthest thing from the truth. I do, I genuinely want to interact and be friends with so many of everyone I see on my dash, and I’m just scared that something I’m doing is making me or my blogs seem unapproachable. Do I come off as intimidating or scary to people? Am I somehow coming across as rude or annoying? Is my muse too mean or is my muse too unapproachable because of his circumstances? Do I rush into things too much? Are my rules when it comes to interaction too overbearing? Am I accidentally putting too much of a chokehold on my rules when it comes to my blogs and my separation of multiverse vs singleverse content? I’m genuinely not sure, and honestly, I’m not even sure how to fix it.))

[gallavictorious]

bottom!mickey nonnie here, i had some more thoughts in response to your reply, if you don't mind? :) i can see where the trust aspect might come into play for mickey re: bottoming and i understand your thought process. the only thing that makes me doubt that is how quickly that trust must have been established between him and ian if that is the case. they haven't been fucking for that long when kash walks in on them (which is the first instance we actually know mickey bottoms). i suppose that there could have been a lot of off-screen developments and interactions, but it's too quick imo. their relationship in season one seems more puppy-love to me rather than a deep bond (which i see as starting to form in season two). the way i see it, the only level of trust that needs to be established is "i know you won't tell anyone because you're also closeted and you won't treat me like a bitch because if you do, i'll beat you tf up and just never fuck you again" which is pretty shallow and something mickey could probably have reached with other guys, too. idk, i just don't see their relationship in season one as deep enough for mickey to start trusting ian with things he's worried or insecure about. it makes more sense to me that he lets ian fuck him because it's not that big a deal, rather than because he's already let ian past his walls. we know that ian is all in by that point, but i just don't think mickey is. he likes ian, is drawn to him (probably against his better judgement), but that's as far as it goes, as i see him. since there are such few scenes between them in season one we have no choice but to make our own interpretations, and those are bound to differ. i've just never seen mickey indicate that he thinks bottoming = being a bitch, or even that it's something he worries about. the only thing to support that would be his attitude to prison, but like i said before, i don't think mickey views sex in prison the same as he views sex on the outside. he probably views everything in prison differently. on the outside, with guys who share his secret? i don't think it's too much of a stretch that he would just do what he wants. the danger is the same either way. just my interpretation of him, of course :)

Hiya, Bottom!Mickey Nonnie No. 1!

I don't mind one little bit; in fact, I'm delighted! Apart from enjoying the fun discussion, it's always gratifying to hear back from anons: you usually never actually know if your answer has reached them.

First off, you're damned right it's quick! I personally don't subscribe to the idea that Mickey knew that Ian was gay or had a crush on him preceding their 1x07 tryst (nothing wrong with that notion, btw, it just doesn't appeal to me), so when they suddenly start tearing off each other's clothes that's very sudden. I tend to assume there might have a tiny bit of vague interest prior to this, the proximity and tussling triggers mutual attraction, they both spring boners, and yeah, off they go? You're also quite right in (implicitly) pointing out that we don't know that they had penetrative sex at that time – maybe they moved up from mutual handjobs or just plain grinding to something more a few trysts later. Either way, you make a good point about the danger of sex outside of lock-up would be the same regardless of whether Mickey bottoms or not. I'd never really thought about that before, so thank you for pointing that out!

However, it's probable that the reason I haven't thought very much about it is because when I speak of Mickey's easy trust for Ian I don't primarily mean him trusting Ian not to reveal his secrets to anyone else, but trust him to know Mickey in a way others are not allowed – and here we disagree and that is fine. :) If you see Mickey as unbothered by being into bottoming, you can certainly find support for that in the narrative. We do have the famous ”liking what I like”-line, which absolutely can be taken at face value! The fact that I tend to interpret it as (partly) Mickey being deliberately unapologetic because he feels a bit uneasy about his preferences and is somewhat defensive about Ian's brief allusions to common prejudices around bottoming, has more to do with my assumption that – given Mickey's circumstances – this is something that Mickey's likely to feel insecure about. He's internalized his father's homophobia to some degree; it just seems reasonable to me that he'd have internalized Terry's strong conviction that Milkoviches don't bottom too. (He certainly seems ready to embody that when he attacks Ian's army fuck buddy in season 3, citing the need to kick him straight because he's the one taking it up the ass. However, that could also totally performative or seen as him making a twisted kind of in-joke, so it's hardly conclusive.) Furthermore, I feel that it's not unreasonable to question Mickey's sincerity in regards to the line mentioned above, since we do have instances of him acting seemingly geuninely dismissive even when we know he probably cares quite a bit. I'm thinking primarily about his reaction to Ian's sex strike in season 11; I just don't buy he was unbothered by that, but there's nothing in the way he expresses his lack of concern that suggests it's insincere. This doesn't mean that I think my reading of the line is the correct one, though, just that it's a possible reading given what else we know of Mickey.

But of course, this really is just my assumptions and interpretations. It's very possible to infer from his actions onscreen that Mickey is totally unconcerned about bottoming, and always has been. After all, Mickey is in many ways a genuinely confident person, and I think this extends to his sex life. (I just think there's insecurity and concern, too... Basically, I think Mickey's relationship with his own sexuality and preferences is complicated, a paradoxical tangle of confidence and shame. I find this complexity is fascinating, and if we're being honest that's probably one of the reasons why I'm not so eager to let go of the notion of it.)

That said, though, and regardless of whether or not bottomingrequires any particular trust on Mickey's part, I think we dohave some concrete evidence of Mickey letting Ian past his walls already in 1x07. Not the sex – because we don't know anything about that – but the return of the gun after. That look on Mickey's face just then? That's vulnerability. He knows that by giving the weapon back when he doesn't have to, he shows hint of a softness he can ill afford people to know he possesses at this point. It's walls dropped, if only for a moment, and I just don't see him allowing that with many – if any – other people. While it isvery quick and while there's no telling whyor how, I firmly believe that there is an immediate trust between them that goes beyond just sex. It might not be logical, but I think it's there, and that this easy, natural understanding is a huge part of what has them coming back to each other again and again in spite of the odds being stacked overwhelmingly against them. Like you, though, I don't see this as a deep bond or anything, not this early. Ian falls in love quickly and easily; for Mickey is a much slower process, because he fights even the possibility of it tooth and claw.

And ah, I'm aware that in my first response to you I promised to elaborate on my thoughts on Mickey's stint in Mexico in my reply to Bottom!Mickey Nonnie No. 2, but I ended up cutting that because it got absurdly long in comparision to my notes on what they were actuallyasking about, and that didn't seem fair or relevant to them. However, I now have a third (and a fourth... apparently this is a subject dear to your hearts, sweet followers) Bottom!Mickey Nonnie in my inbox, so if this is something you're interested in, despair not! We'll get there!

Thank you so much for getting in touch, both with your first ask and with this follow-up. I've enjoyed reading your thoughts, and developing my own in response to them, immensely! I highly value being able to civilly disagree and argue viewpoints without either side feeling the need to convince the other, so this has been a real treat. <3

[sankyeom]

belle’s 2020 tumblr wrap up

i almost didn’t make one of these because i lost my laptop charger on my flight home to california and i didn’t want to type this out on my phone but after being tagged in so many people’s wonderful end-of-year messages (thank you @sunlightwoo​ @heartyyjeno​ @atbzkingdom​ @chaoticdeobi @xfirebenderx @fairyoftbz​ and for including me thus far 💗) i decided i had to join this beautiful love fest and end the year on a good note! 

m i l e s t o n e s  (personal and for the blog) ✨

◇ on february 17th 2020 i started stanning (and eventually ulting) the boyz!   ↳ this is important because i had been listening to the boyz’s music since no air era, but never watched their videos or learned the members’ names. after stanning the boyz, i was introduced to my beautiful deobiblr, which is such a warm and welcoming community. i met most of treasured mutuals through this community and honestly don’t know what i’d do without it!

◇ on april 23rd 2020 i reached 1,000 followers on my blog!     ↳ this was very special to me because i have previously reached 1k followers on many different platforms (quotev.com, wattpad, a different tumblr blog, etc.) but after not writing for a long time i was worried people wouldn’t like my writing anymore or that i wouldn’t be good at it after taking a break. reaching this number was surreal for me and it made me realise that i wanted to study creative writing in university, which i am now doing!

◇ on may 30th 2020 i graduated high school!   ↳ i graduated with honours and a 4.0 along with a lot of life-long friends that i had made in the two years i spent at my competitive, college-prep private school. i faced a lot of hardships but eventually got through it and i am a better person for it. congratulations to all the graduates who didn’t get the graduation they all dreamed of, you did something spectacular this year!

◇ on august 24th 2020 i started university as a creative writing major!   ↳ 2020 was a crazy year for everyone and it made picking which uni to go to really hard, but there was one uni in particular that loved my admissions essay and wrote to me personally saying they would love to have me in their creative writing program, which really touched me and interested me in this uni. i’ve always been someone who finds academics really important so i had gotten multiple scholarship offers from different “higher ranking” universities, but i was able to learn what was important to me in picking a school that would both foster my learning and make me feel at home.

◇ on september 21st 2020 i got my first ever B on a test!    ↳ and i was really happy about it. in high school i strived to get 100% on every test and would have panic attacks when i got even a single point off. i wish i was joking, but that’s the truth. i’ve always been a perfectionist and i wanted to have a more healthy relationship with my personal expectations in university. being in uni helped me to pace myself academically and learn to juggle doing fun things – like this lovely blog – alongside studying. i still managed to get all As in my final grades for this semester, but i really loved letting myself get Bs and take breaks. 

◇ on october 18th 2020 i reached 2,000 followers on my blog!   ↳ if you read how important reaching 1k to me was, you can probably guess how amazing and emotional this was for me. not only did i have enough followers to fill three of my high schools, but i had made a lot of friends at this point, and that was so special to me. i had also never done a special series to celebrate a milestone, and as i stand here on december 31st with 2,457 followers, i have yet to finish my 2k celebration due to taking a short break from writing. don’t worry though, it’s all coming very soon!

◇ on november 29th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a masterlist!  ↳ facade? was my first social media au masterlist to reach 1,000 notes and when that happened, it truly blew my mind. i have no words to describe how special that moment was for me. a lot of people loved it because they resonated with the main character or because they found all the plot twists fun, and i really love that so many people enjoyed it and gave it a chance, despite the general plot being quite common.

◇ on december 7th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a fic! ↳ he loves me, he loves me not was my first one shot/fic to reach 1,000 notes and my second fic ever to reach 1k notes, which was literally crazy. so many people have reached out to me about that fic and how much it resonated with them and their experiences, and i just loved that this was the first written fic i ever had reach 1k notes because of the emotional implications.

m u t u a l s 💛

i have so much love and appreciation for you all, it’s unreal. i’m a very shy, often times insecure, and quiet person so i have a hard time reaching out to people. this means that minimal interactions actually mean a lot to me, so please never think that i don’t love or support you guys just because i’m a little quiet. that being said, here are some mutuals who i have gotten to know better in 2020 and a little love letter for you each 💌

@xfirebenderx

💌 nani, you were one of my very first mutuals here on tumblr back when i ulted seventeen and literally never spoke to anyone or interacted with people other than the few anons in my inbox. you made me feel comfortable and welcome here on tumblr, and i’ve always seen you like an older sister figure because of that. your enthusiasm and support are often times unparalleled because you never hold back anything and i am in awe of how lovely you are. thank you for having my back this year and making me feel so supported! 🌟

@chaoticdeobi

💌 bea, you’re such a ray of sunshine and brightness in my life and on my dash, i’m in awe of how much of a social butterfly you are! you were one of the reasons i started writing for the boyz because i felt excited when i read your fics and i was extremely impressed with how immersive your writing was (and still is!). aside from your amazing writing abilities, you’re truly someone who i feel comfortable with even though we haven’t spoken that much privately, and you have an amazing gift of making people feel accepted and at home. thank you for being a wonderful brightness in my life this year! 🌼

@heartyyjeno

💌 alesha, i’ve said this to you many times before but i truly treasure you as a person and as a friend. you are without a doubt one of the most supportive and uplifting people that i’ve met on tumblr, and i can always rely on you to make me feel like i’m loved and a good writer, especially on days where i feel like i’m neither. i know that 2020 has been a struggle for you and i wish i could have done more to support you, so i hope you take this love letter as evidence of how loved you are and how much i cherish you as a person and as a friend. thank you for being my rock this year! 🌷

@httpsohnpouts

💌 rosie, you are someone who is very dear to me and i always feel so lucky to be your friend! we’ve spoken quite a bit this year and i loved getting to know you and finding out we stan/ult so many of the same groups! i loved gushing over dark haired eric, seunghoon from cix, and blackpink’s comebacks with you this year so much because it made me feel much closer to you! you’re always one of the first people i send love chains to on tumblr and i just really appreciate your lovely energy every time we interact. thank you for being a caring friend for me this year! 🌹

@stealerz

💌 qiu, first of all your url change is absolutely adorable and i’m a huge fan. second of all, your writing is so stunning and it was also another reason why i wanted to start writing for the boyz this year! you’re somebody who i often see on my dash and try to interact with, and it always feels a little surreal when you gush over my writing because i look up to you in that sense. you are such a lovely friend who i don’t talk to very often because i’m shy, but i feel like you’re always around to remind me that you support me and just make me feel loved here on tumblr. thank you for being an inspiration to me and sending me so many cheerful love chains on tumblr this year! 🌻

@neoskidz (i wasn’t sure which of your blogs to tag so i’ll add @chocolattees just in case)

💌 elsie, i always feel undeserving of your hype and excitement when you comment on my fics or leave me lovely asks in my inbox to sing my (absolutely undeserving) praises. you’re someone who seems very bright and warm-hearted so i always feel comfortable around you, and i only wish i could have praised you and given you as much love as you did for me in 2020. i love when you randomly pop up in my inbox and i love to hear about how you’re doing because i feel like it’s the least i can do to show you that i support you and am always interested to hear what you’re up to! thank you for reminding me that friends can come from anywhere and for always being so compassionate this year! 💐

@deobienthusiast

💌 k, i always look forward to when you reach the latest chapter of my social media fics because i’m always living to hear your reactions to them! i always feel so lucky that you interact with me and reach out so much because i’m shy and it makes it a lot easier for me to talk to you and actually get to know you. i love that we stan so many of the same groups and can always gush about cix and the boyz together, especially when we tag each other under any posts that have to do with blond baejin. you are honestly someone who i feel very relaxed with because we talk so often and have so many of the same interests, i really appreciate your presence in my life. thank you for being someone who i can talk to about my fics and all of our bias wreckers this year! 🌈

@atbzkingdom

💌 dee, i’ve said this before but you’re a literal ray of sunshine to me and you warm me up like the sun with all of our interactions. i always love to hear your comments about my fics because you never hold back and always unleash so much excitement onto me that i can’t help but reciprocate and allow myself to get super hype and happy. you have an ability to make me open up and actually feel excited about my friendships here on tumblr and my own writing, which can be really hard for me sometimes. i’m blessed that you look up to me and i have to say that i absolutely look up to you as well, in more ways than just your writing! thank you for being my personal hype-man and helping me come out of my shell this year! ✨

@lsangyeons

💌 yu, i think you are seriously so damn talented it’s actually unbelievable. not only are you an amazing writer but your designs, sketches and other amazing works of art are just so inspiring and i find it incredible that you’re so multifaceted. you’re always someone who i think very genuinely wants to know how i’m doing and is always ready to catch up and share what you’re working on with me, and i find that really illuminating and fun because you’re so talented. thank you for reaching out to me so often and making me feel comforted this year! ❄️

@fairyoftbz

💌 rosy, i am totally kicking myself right now for not reaching out as often as i wanted to because i feel like we get along well and we could be really close if i wasn’t so shy and bad at keeping up with my asks/mentions. i think you’re a lovely person and i’ve felt so fortunate to have gotten to know you better this year. as i mentioned before, you’re a very thoughtful person and i look forward to getting to know you better in 2021! thank you for being a supportive friend to me this year! 🪐

@sunlightwoo

💌 gina, i adore you, and that’s the absolute truth. i’ve been so happy that we were able to connect this year and become friends because you are a fiercely supportive and lovely mutual to have. i have to thank the kpop gods for getting you to start standing the boyz so we could meet and be friends after all this time. i love how you yell and gush about my fics because it makes me feel like i’m actually writing something people like and not just rubbish that i come up with in my head, and you make me feel grounded and supported, which i can only hope to reciprocate just as enthusiastically to you! thank you for being a fiercly kind and supportive friend to me this year! 🌠

here are some people who i haven’t interacted with much (because, like i’ve said, i’m terribly shy and don’t interact with people much in general (feel free to reach out though i would love to chat 🥺)) but still wanted to mention! i love and appreciate you all for replying to my posts, recommending my fics or just posting really amazing content here on tumblr for us all to enjoy, and that i’d love to get to know you better in 2021!! @1ovejisung​ @jenoleeaesthetic @thepixelelf​ @honeycobie​ @tbzwurld​ @meltingjukyu​ @mae-gi-writes​ if i’ve forgotten everyone i’m terribly sorry but also very jetlagged and bad at keeping track of my friends xx

a n o n s 🦋

i’m grateful to everyone who joined my anon list this year and i’ve genuinely enjoyed all of our interactions so much! i wanted to give a short thank you to a few specific anons but i also love my other anons, 🐝 anon, 🧸 anon, 💫 anon, 🦋 anon, 🥯 anon, 🍇 anon, 🌜 anon, 💒 anon, and 🦕 anon a lot and appreciate you all! thank you for joining my anon list and i hope we can continue to get to know each other in 2021!

🤍 anon 💌 you always check on me and ask me how i’m doing, and i feel so comfortable around you it’s like talking to a friend. we always talk about anything and everything and i appreciate that you’ve been such a constant in my life this year!

🌱 anon 💌 my sweet deobi 🌱 anon! i love gushing about the boyz and my social media fics with you, it’s always so fun to see how passionate you are and it’s honestly everything to me.

🐹 anon 💌 you really feel like a sibling or a friend to me because you’re always telling me to take care of myself and encouraging me to take breaks and be happy. i want everything that you encouraged me to do for you as well and i hope that you take care of yourself and stay healthy/safe!

🐱 anon 💌 literally the absolutely king/queen of getting involved in my fics and gushing to me about how every chapter made you feel. i love seeing your responses and i’m always so touched when you leave me simple messages telling me to have a good weekend or asking me to be your friend. we are absolutely, 100% friends my love!

🔮 anon 💌 you’re my most recent anon but i feel like we’ve known each other forever now! we talk quite often and i always love it when i see the little 🔮 emoji in my inbox because i love how enthusiastic and understanding you are. thank you for deciding to join my anon list so we could become closer!

f o l l o w e r s   a n d   r e a d e r s 💘

i doubt that all 2,457 of my followers are going to see this, but i’m going to write this as if you all will anyway. thank you for being here and for caring about my content enough to hit the follow button. numbers don’t mean much and are quite arbitrary, but i still think that it’s amazing that there are 2,457 of you cuties who put up with me. to those of you who don’t follow me but read my fics/like and reblog my posts, thank you. i personally see those things as small praises and/or appreciations for my efforts and i wish i could tag you all here to tell you that i love and appreciate you, but tumblr won’t let me and i think most of you wouldn’t want that either. i couldn’t make a love letter to the people that shaped my 2020 without addressing all of you, so i hope that some of you decided to give this a read. i appreciate you and i want you here, healthy, and safe on this planet. please take care of yourselves as i would love to take care of you. x

[punkedhero]

I’m going to do a soft revamp here. I’ve been considering it for a while & really struggling with myself to go through with it. Lately i’ve just come to realize it’s time to put situations behind me & move forward. Below the cut i’m going to get personal with what’s been going on & to some it’ll be some mindless rambling but to me it’s opening up in ways I haven’t been able to. So i’m throwing my personal ramblings under the read more ( feel free to ignore it ). 

Anyway, this blog is almost a year old! I’ve decided to softly revamp here while I still figure out what to do with Jirou. So what a soft revamping means is:

I’m going to slap a new mains call on the dash.

I’m going to slap a new relationships call on the dash.

I’m deleting old drafts that I can’t find the muse for.

I’m clearing out my inbox so I can reblog some fresh memes.

I am attempting to be a social creature & reach out in hopes of making new friends. 

Alright… this is going to get very personal here. I am sorry for how lengthy this is going to become and for what may seem like rambling but I just need to pour my heart out here and talk about things. I have been so scared these last few months to post anything that could come off as personal or venting in any way because I never want anyone to assume I’m negative or whiney all the time. But I also have to remind myself that this is my blog, this is my safe space, and this is my area to try to reach out to other passionate writers and make friends. I don’t want to log onto here and feel my anxiety spike up. I don’t want to log in anymore and feel uncomfortable looking at the dashboard and play the “oh gosh does this person like me?” game. I am here to write for muses that I feel strongly for and to have a creative outlet of a shared hobby to share with others. I just want to move on from bad experiences here and try to rekindle my love for this particular fandom.

As many of you know I have been in the MHA / BNHA fandom for a good year now, a little longer given my first muse. I can easily say this is the first fandom I was ever warmly welcomed into with open arms. When I started this blog back last February I had no idea I would be walking into such a roller coaster of a community. I have made a handful of amazing friends here who I consider very close to me and love dearly. They are the reason this blog still exists. These friends know who they are and I want them to know I truly appreciate everything they do for me.

However, I’ve also met many individuals who I called my friend at some point or another and have been hurt a lot this last year. Which I know many of us have been struggling last year because phew the world sucks right now. Regardless, I have felt so uncomfortable lately with being on my blog because I’ve had to cut some ties with individuals who I no longer got along with or couldn’t see myself staying friends with any longer. That’s human, that happens. Everyone has the right to unfollow, unfriend, and block anyone else that just isn’t their friend any longer. It’s life. To individuals that I’ve hurt through this process of finding myself I am sorry. I am sorry we could no longer get along or found ourselves walking different paths. I wish you the best and hope that you’re doing well. You deserve that and I’ll always respect your wishes!

  These last few months I have been battling with my mental health furiously. What many mutuals do not know because honestly I do not make a big deal about it is that I’m bipolar and have been fighting off depression. As many of us are still currently! And for those that are doing the same my heart goes out to you & I hope you’re doing better lately! This season sucked, truly. Personally, I found it difficult to reach out to friends and carry out conversations because some days I just do not have the energy to even type or keep up with anything. That’s no one’s fault. It’s just how it is sometimes. But despite that I want to reintroduce positivity back into my life. Because the only way I can be happy is to make myself happy.

  I’d love to meet some new friends who I can share laughs with, ships with, and make this year a far better year than what last year gave us. I want to rekindle my current friendships so we can continue to write together. Basically what i’m rambling on about is that I’d love to have the opportunity to have a lot of friends. A distraction from work, school, and family to come home with new ideas for writing is so amazing and I’d love to have that back. Thank you to anyone who’s read all of this and thank you for sticking around. On this blog anniversary coming up I’m going to be gushing about all my mutuals and looking forward to moving on from what last year was. I love you all, thank you for being so supportive!

[chocolate-parfait]

Congratulations on the 300! I see you do matchups?! (I really hope this is the right inbox, I'm still new to this) Could you do one for me (Mixed matchup IkeVamp, IkeSen)? INFP-A, like drawing, cooking, reading, writing, languages (translator to be), sarcasm, traveling, dogs. Don't like unnecessary drama, people disturbing my peace. I'm straigt forward and don't like but can be very confrontational but that rarely happens (no one wants to witness this). Unpaid therapist of all my friends. Thx!

Thank you, sweetie! Hope you enjoy~

I match you up with... Dazai!

Dazai is one of the few people in the mansion who enjoys his peace and tranquility, so aside some teasing and clowning here and there he won't be causing too much of a ruckus (unless Ai-chan is involved~)

Your relationship with Dazai evolves pretty slowly. From two acquaintances who exchanged basic greetings and made small talk every now and then, you slowly became friends who chill together while quietly enjoying the other's company, only to turn into a deeper relationship after various syntomps typical syntomps of the phenomenology of love took root in your hearts. Despite a comfortably unhurried evolution and what some may deem as just fleeting and superficial attraction, your feelings are actually genuine and strong. You and Dazai were able to find the perfect balance that not many couples are able to achieve; neither of you forces the other into something they don't want to do, and you can safely call the each other out without fear of hurting or offending, confident in the mutual respect and understanding you both have of the other

You can spend hours sitting together side by side in complete silence, only the ticking of a clock or a little bird outside comfortably filling the background. You read a book and he writes his newest novel or vice versa. Sometimes it's just one snuggling against the other in search of warmth and affection. It's extremely domestic and Dazai literally LIVES for it

Your romance falls into a steady routine that gives Dazai the impression of leading a completely normal life, just like any other man, finally free from all the doubts and sorrows that used to torment him back in his human days. As if the constancy of such lifestyle wasn't enough, he's also got you to fix up whatever trouble may pass through his golden orbs. You're always there to hear and help him out, and you're also the main reason why he was able to break free from his self destructive mentality, and knowing that you can live a happy, safe life just by being with him brings him ungodly amounts of joy.

One particular night you two had a semi-fight. During that period Dazai was already pretty much always on edge, despite concealing it pretty well behind his usual smile, but when the moon is high in the sky people are more vulnerable, and his remorse and self hatred all came flowing out at once. He absolutely didn't expect your reaction. For the first time ever since you arrived at the mansion, he saw fire burning in your moonlit pupils. Your usual serene tone slightly lowered to a much more aggressive and harsh pitch as countless words came out of your pretty lips. With each sentence you destroyed every one of his qualms just like a knight would cut down his enemies to save his princess. By the end of your discussion he was shocked and amazed to find how you had literally flipped everything upside down and gave him much to think about. A new perspective, things he ignored too much and others he cared too much about. After that night Dazai's usual behavior changed considerably towards you. You could now clearly feel the genuineness behind his smiles and gazes, the softness in his voice and movements when addressed to you. It was the spark that ignited the flames of your love.

Your favorite dates vary from strolls around the city to him teaching you Japanese. He has never taught a language to anyone before, but by having such a receptive student as you makes his heart swell with pride and he wants to try harder for your sake! He's actually on cloud nine ever since you asked him to teach you his native language. The fact that you want to get to know his country and a big part of him better means a lot to him, and it does nothing but strengthen his love for you

Dazai loves animals!! So even without pleading too much he'll agree on adopting a dog if you want one. He's going to take great care of it and you will often see him petting him while quietly babbling on various topics as if the poor creature could understand him

Second choice: Mitsunari

As the resident angel of Azuchi becoming friends with him was no difficult task, as he already trusted you with his life the moment you became a part of the Oda Forces. Additionally, he truly admires your kindness and care for others, so much that he can't help but happily praise you with the biggest smile on his face. Barely even a week passes and you already find yourself watching after him as you remind him to eat, sleep and maybe even breathe. Hideyoshi is extremely grateful as he finally can take it easier and not worry too much about the young man (he still does nonetheless, trust me)

On your part, hating Mitsunari is basically impossible, and even though your sarcastic retorts completely fly over his head (in return you gain Ieyasu's sympathy), spending time with him becomes the most natural thing in the world. Before you know it, you find yourself looking forward to being with him and your heartbeat confirms your suspicions. You may or may not have fallen in love with someone from the Sengoku period and the realization is a scary one. What will happen to your family and friends back home? And what about your dream job? But then that handsome smile, those vivid amethyst eyes full of tenderness, that soft voice that caressed your ears leaving pink warmth on your skin; it all came crashing down on you, leaving no other room for doubts.

If and when you confess him about your past and what had brought you to Honnoji that fateful night, you'll see the fires of an incredible passion taking ahold of his usually placid irises. He cannot fully explain with words the endless facets of what he's feeling, but he'll lock your hands in a tight grip and earnestly try to let out as much as he can. He vows eternal gratitude to you, the one who gave up everything for him, he who does not deserve such loyalty but decides to live up to the sacrifice you made. This new side of Mitsunari renews the love you felt for him, and at the end of his speech, in order to seal such an important promise, he kisses you on the lips, fiery and passionate

Everything escalates from there, and anyone in the castle can see how much close you two got in the blink of an eye. The moment you announce your relationship you get submerged from congratulatory blessings and gifts, even from a very grumpy Ieyasu who doesn't let this opportunity to slip in an ironic comment here and there

You may have given up on everything you had, but Ishida has no intention of making you regret choosing him over the rest of the world. If you're vocal and direct enough about your needs and wishes, he'll try to spoil you rotten at the best of his abilities. Your feet hurts? He's going to carry you bridal style to your bedroom to give you a two hours long massage. Headache? He's already in town with Hideyoshi to buy the best infuses for your head. He's very dedicated and it's very surprising to see him so active and attentive. If he starts getting too overwhelming the only choice you'll have is to explicitly tell him to tone it down a notch or two (please give him cuddles later, baby boy just wants to help)

Knowing about your love for travel, he makes sure to take you with him each time an inspection in a domain comes up, though he'll firmly refuse in case he deemed it to be dangerous. If something were to happen to you right in front of his eyes, he'd blame himself for 500 years and even more for not being able to save you. This is actually one of his biggest worries and from time to time he'll have related nightmares that cause him to wake up with a start, soaked in cold sweat. Take him in your arms, snuggle against his chest or cradle his head against your beating heart and most of the job will be done. If you happen to be concious enough and hear him out, console him with firm words of reassurance, press a kiss to his lips and he's going to be out like a candle in no time at all

Mitsunari is fascinated by the foreign languages you speak! You must have put a lot of time to learn all those exotic-sounding words, and he asks you to teach him a word or two. He's a fast learner and his brain has plenty of space to store whatever you say to him, and although he might cutely stumble every now and then, you're pretty surprised at the enthusiasm he's showing for your passion. He's going to take you to the tenshu to discuss with Nobunaga about a possible occupation involved with languages, and in no time at all you're already on your way to Nagasaki to discuss some deals with European and Asian merchants

[carnal-agony]

𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔊𝔬𝔡𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔖𝔲𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔟𝔦, 𝔄𝔯𝔞𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔗𝔲𝔧𝔄𝔯𝔞

"𝚂𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚖, 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚜, 𝙱𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚀𝚞𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐."

In light of my blog being revamped officially I am creating a Muse sheet for all of my mutual followers and silent worshipers. I won’t be going into immense detail about my Muse’s past/creation as I have had multiple threads that dissected every ounce of it including a few AU’s where her history was either less enticing or she was mortal. Stick around until the end for a special ‘shout-out’ for my partners who have helped shape my blog in one way or many. 

Bɾιҽϝ Hιʂƚσɾყ

Aramath and TüjArä are one of the same, they share a body, heart, and mind but not a soul. The Queen was not always split between good and evil, however, she was created as one being- a part from each Ancient that attended her Creation. With her being ‘born’ the mortal world was introduced to the power and weakness of Lust, the Goddess of Succubi, TüjArä. Although in the beginning of her history she was a cruel ruler who only wished for her children to divulge in the tasteful wants of the lesser species as well as going on massacres by their mother’s word.

Her world changed when the Goddess found what was at the root of all her lust- that being love. Don’t start smiling now, this isn’t a typical love story, matter of fact I wouldn’t consider it a love story at all. TüjArä fell in love with a viking and bared a half mortal child with this man- against every ruling of the Ancients that stated it was forbidden for a woman of pure lust to pursue. Knowing this, TüjArä stepped from her throne and above into the mortal world, hiding from those who wished to put her back into place. For six years she lived with those she loved, learning what it meant to have humility and compassion as a mortal would.

Aρρҽαɾαɳƈҽ; Vαɾιαɳƚʂ

In the original story I write Aramath rocks a crimson hairstyle, usually quite lengthy and wavy in previous cycles that was her iconic look. However after a long debate I had wrote her into isolation from those she learned to care for and in this she became immensely ill- the red of her hair fading until it became a ghastly platinum. It is very important to note that the original Aramath and the current one I am writing for both possess their own personality differences as well as differing internal conflict with TüjArä. 

Her body is covered head to toe in an array of stories about her existence as well as other oddities that come alive upon the command of her Oracle. Aramath is usually seen in black leather of all sorts, her style has toned down over the years but she is a rocker at heart, which is seen in various band tees and skull based clothing and jewelry. A few things stay the same however- the rings she wears each possess their own special abilities, ranging from her own internal power to the unique array of her kind, Oracle, and lovers. 

Wԋαƚ Gɾιɳԃʂ Hҽɾ Gҽαɾʂ

Aramath is a very tedious creature to write for, she is hot headed yet well tempered, childish at heart yet cold and stern mentally, and while she does not wish to end humanity anymore- that does not mean she is in love with humans. Most she can barely stand so she approaches with a bitter tongue and sharp wit, however when a very special few come to make her acquaintance they are met with soft smiles and the exposure of what a monster looks like when they are tamed. Humans are meat sacks to her, ones that have ruined the Earth they all inhabit due to their selfish ways and this mindset finds her at crossroads- she wishes to rid Mother Earth of the plaque that is humanity but that seems like a waste of good talent. Isn’t that a blessing in itself? 

Creatures on the other hand; God or grunt they always amuse Aramath as she sees them full of themselves- no exclusion to her dear friends either. Being around for most species creation has come with clear visions of what the creatures are, humanized or not they all have a sense of higher being in this world dominated by meat sacks. However depending on your class and how you act, Aramath might just consider you something worthy.

Wԋαƚ Tσ Exρҽƈƚ

Well for starters, expect the unexpected my dear children of the night. Aramath as tamed as she is has a thirst for violence and agony, it gives her a sense of life just seeing the simple fear of women when she snatches the attention of their partners. Although she tends to keep the violence to more of a sexual nature she isn’t hesitant to rip off a man’s crotch or sew a demon’s lips shut, all while taking her sweet time. Don’t be mistaken just because she is a succubus that she will sleep with anyone- that is far, far from the truth.

Aramath does not ‘sleep around’, she goes through a very emotional process to choose who enters her bed. This isn’t just for the sake of morality however, to take a succubus use to be a very primal and romantic thing as their kind does not necessarily need to lay with someone to feed. Those who are chosen as special tend to experience hallucinations, feelings of true ecstasy, and in some cases Aramath shares her life experiences with them through touch. With this being said, it is important to understand pushing yourself upon this Goddess- will end with your head mantled on her fireplace. You’ve been warned.

EʂƚαႦʅιʂԋҽԃ Rҽʅαƚισɳʂԋιρʂ; Tԋҽ Mυʅƚιʋҽɾʂҽ

Through the years I have been writing Aramath one thing is clear, once you have a place in her heart you will forever have that spot. This is no different for myself as I wouldn’t have lore if it weren’t for those who helped grow with me. These characters may be an OC or in their own universe- either way they are all loved equally. Here are a few of the characters I most frequently interact and/or click with during threads, some Aramath is very possessive over and others she views as equals. Please do not be discouraged if your muse is not on this list, it does not mean I love you any less my dears.

Henry Pearl, Sunset Peach, the Oracle of the Goddess.

@henry-pearl-battlecreek​

Roman Godfrey, a White Tower Dragon in Prince skin.

Eddie Brock, Snarky Reporter, Kingsman In Training.

@venom-inside-you​

Venom, Parasitic Terrestrial, Unknown Limits, Enjoys Flesh.

Pan, Horseman of Death, Man of Knowledge.

@thedarklibraryworld​

Michael Langdon, Son of Satan, Your Dark Lord, Puppeteer of the Apocalypse.

Jerome and Jeremiah Valeska, A Pair of Laughs, Equally Charismatic and Deadly.

Kai Anderson, Terrifying Candidate, Godlike Ego, Could Make Me Drink the Kool-Aid.

Iɳƚҽɳƚισɳʂ

If you want angst, joy, or death Aramath is the girl to go with. She is very versatile in every aspect that I write her, if you wish to have a particular plot please invade my inbox so we can discuss what you’d like. If not, I frequently post open threads with an already settled plot, starter calls, and interactive dialogues. Never be afraid to send a meme or random prompts into my inbox, I love interacting with my followers! 

Mυɳɳҽԃ

Now as we get to the end of this long, long sheet I just want to take a moment and say a few things as a Mun. I- am so terrible about timely responses, between working, streaming, and studying for my degree I do not find a lot of time for my writing passion. However, if you bare with me through the odd times of night when my responses flow I promise you we will have amazing threads together. Now that you know a little about my existence let’s get my blog rules out of the way;

ℝ𝕌𝕃𝔼𝕊

No persons under the age of 18 allowed- period. This blog has intense scenes and NSFW threads, I will not be held responsible for the corruption of children so turn away now or blocking will occur.

As much as I preach love and acceptance, absolutely NO threads will occur with me that involve animals or characters under the age of 18. I do not condone the act of pretending to be an underage child, nor will I bring children in as extras to my thread. 

Unless your character is an actual God of some sort, do not attempt to God-mod our threads, I will not allow it to happen and it will terminated immediately. Clarification: Yes you can toss my Muse, but no you cannot kill them (unless discussed or of course- you’re Pennywise.)

Sexual themed threads must be discussed with Mun prior to the beginning of it, if not my character will act as normal- and your muse will lose a hand or two. Discussing is a key point when it comes to certain topics in writing, and as everyone says, Consent is Key.

Remember, we’re all here to enjoy ourselves with our characters, even if the thread is violent and hateful please remember. I am not my Muse and my Muse is not me, you are allowed to spit and curse them but do not dare step past that line and spew venom at me. I have a zero tolerance for drama, hate, or sheer stupidity. 

Fιɳαʅ Cσɱɱҽɳƚʂ

Well my loves we’re at the end, it is time to say my final goodbyes as I finish off this sheet on a good note. I will always be open to new partners, new ideas, new universes so please again- never feel scared to shoot me random things. With this revamp I am turning my engines over and putting the pedal to the metal- and it’s only just beginning. With all love, and secret lust- Shalom and Blessed Be.

{Will be updating frequently throughout these next few weeks, stay tuned!}

[bastardsunlight]

//Howdy folks! How’s your dashboard treatin’ ya today? I just wanted to lay a couple of things out for anyone who might be wonderin’ what I’m about.  

[[MORE]]

If we’re mutuals, I trust that you’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a pretty straight up person—you know, fairly honest, open, and maybe even a wee bit pleasant to interact with/see on your dashboard. In general, I do me best to keep as much negativity as possible OFF ye olde dashboard of this blog. I have been pretty transparent about the sideblogs I keep, @reasonable-assholery is the rant blog so I don’t spew vitriol unnecessarily upon aforementioned dash, @puttingfingerstokeys is my throwaway writing blog for ficlets and ideas (99% Mortal Kombat right now; you’ve been warned), and @thunderdilf which is a great URL and I really kind of just wanted but it has also accidentally turned into a Mortal Kombat/Raiden(Rayden mostly lbr) shitposting blog for my enjoyment (and yours, if you’re into that).

This is the ONLY blog I own. Those are side blogs, yes, but THIS, bastardsunlight is my ONLY blog. I used to have a few RP blogs (no more than five at one time iirc, but the PURGE helped me pare shit down—idk HOW this one dodged that nonsense but I’m grateful that it did). As far as I am aware, none of those blogs are even active anymore. If they are, I do not have the login info which ofc is why they’re still around. E.g. I haven’t been ABLE to delete them. Hopefully tumblr has cleaned that shit up if it does exist.

I also do not LIVE on tumblr. I’ve been more active lately, ayuh, but I’m like… employed and shit. I got stuff to do. I click well with people who are similar. I’m only peripherally aware of fandom drama and shit like that and I really only see it when it crosses me dash via one of the few buddies I retain/have gained from/since the olden days. Ye olden days. I digress… My point is this:

If you hear salacious rumors about me, I encourage you, my sweet followers, to look into it yourself. Scroll my whole-ass blog! I don’t really eve have a TBD tag so if it’s there, it’s always been there and I ain’t getting rid of it ‘cause I’m queen “I SAID WHAT I SAID”. You could also question me directly, or ask one of my friends. ANY one of my mutual buddies will speak to you about me. If they’re not a mutual, we ain’t friends, so there’s no point in taking the word of someone who isn’t a mutual, see? So yeah, maybe that IS a bit biased, but why WOULDN’T I surround meself with friends? I don’t like toadies, sycophants, lackeys, or anyone who’d support a mob mentality type situation if I decided to go postal on someone for disagreeing with me. I want someone who will sit my ass down and say “yo Stiles you’re acting like a psycho; stop letting whomever-it-is live in ya head rent free; that shit is NOT healthy”.

Be wary of people who come NOT bearing screenshots (be wary of those who do and LEAD with that ‘cause man ain’t nobody telling MY ass with whom to interact?? Fo REAL?). Follow your gut. Protect yourself. And should you decide that yes, the mun of bastardsunlight is problematique (recall I have never claimed to be otherwise and I wear that particular mantle with pride), please, I ENCOURAGE you to block me. I implore you to, again, protect yourself, curate your online experience. I make no secret of what happens on this blog. It’s in my rules and FAQ, might even be a PSA post (tagged accordingly). I’ll even tell you if you inbox me! I am not hiding SHIT. I’m here to have a good time with what little freedom I have between work and my other responsibilities. If you are too, we’ll get along just fine.