#looking @ u lake solitude

[draconscious]

@cursedmystic (continued from here--feel free to continue from @doubleslapped if you want!!)

As expected, Matsuba's reply appears first--concise, neutral, and informative--but Clair doesn't bother replying just yet, clutching her Pokegear just a little tighter as she prepares for a second, much heftier response. (Whitney is typing...)

And the Goldenrod Gym Leader delivers, sending over a series of rapid-fire texts (along with an image file that nearly crashes Clair's outdated, well-used model.) Pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation, Clair can't help but snort at the attached Gem-Trainer selfie. Despite her prickly temperament and preference for solitude, she can never really stay mad at Whitney: her peppy Johto League foil, and a much-needed ray of sunshine in moments like these. (Though she would have great difficulty admitting it, the tamer is secretly looking forward to seeing her again--it's been a while.)

[Clair, to group]: thanks. please keep me in the loop n stya safe. and its just a tweak ankle, no big deal

Clair shifts her seat on the Blackthorn lake's bank with a grimace, her sprain throbbing as she thumbs over to a new chain. She glances behind her, making sure that a teleportation-sized clearing is available. Just in case.

[to: Whitney]: u seriously dont have to worry or visit, i know u have alot to do. esp now.,

[to: Whitney]: i promise im fine......

[tsundere-lite2626]

Percy jackson mbti

Percy jackson

ESFP

Se - extroverted Sensing

Se is the main way SeFi’s take in information. It means they use their senses to understand the world around them. They live in the moment and prefer dealing with things that are real and solid over the purely hypothetical. Se is the part of SeFi’s that makes them search out playful new sensory experiences.

Percy is aware of his environment around him and constantly acts on it. He is impulsive and doesn't really think before acting . He prefers to think on his feet.

2. Fi - introverted Feeling

Although it’s referred to as “Feeling”, Fi is not internal emotions, but rather values that come from within. SeFi’s might experience a deep well of emotions, but this is not the root of Fi. It is a decision making-process that makes them very interested in determining their own moral code and what the SeFi’s gut instinct tells them is right, which is often based on how they would like to be treated themselves. They tend to be very considerate of others, and may take a long time to mull over their own beliefs to make sure they seem right. The values-refining process can take quite a bit of time and requires mental solitude. Fi generally puts authenticity in high esteem and is repulsed by anything that seems fabricated or shallow

Percy is a feeler and only value Feelings which feel authenticity to hin. He trusts people around him and once his trust is broken u cannot easily gain it back. Auxiliary fe is often misunderstood as fe so sometimes percy can be mistyped as an esfj. He dislikes or gets angry with people who's values don't seem to match or goes against his inbuilt moral code.

.3. Te - extroverted Thinking

Te is the SeFi’s third function. Te is a very logic-oriented way of problem solving. It is the side of them that naturally looks to find a better solution to a problem, improve the efficiency of a process, or critique and refine what is already in place. SeFi’s are pretty balanced between this quick, decisive efficient way of making decisions and the pondering, value-driven decision making process of their Fi.

Percy struggles with te but soon develops throughout the series like his leadership skills. Percy sometimes uses his te to strategize or find solutions (capture the flag)

Eg: "Ares had allied themselves with everybody else: Dionysus, Demeter, Aphrodite, and Hephaestus. From what I’d seen, Dionysus’s kids were actually good athletes, but there were only two of them. Demeter’s kids had the edge with nature skills and outdoor stuff but they weren’t very aggressive. Aphrodite’s sons and daughters I wasn’t too worried about. They mostly sat out every activity and checked their reflections in the lake and did their hair and gossiped. Hephaestus’s kids weren’t pretty, and there were only four of them, but they were big and burly from working in the metal shop all day. They might be a problem. That, of course, left Ares’s cabin: a dozen of the biggest, ugliest, meanest kids on Long Island, or anywhere else on the planet."

An excerpt from tlo from Percy's point of view which is a good example of tertiary te.

4. Ni - introverted iNtuition

Ni is the SeFi’s last function and may be their achilles heel, and is inherently not as strong as their other functions because their highest priority and focus is on Se. Ni allows them to pull from every area in their brain to find valuable data, to look for patterns in the information they gather, or to skip ten steps ahead and predict what will happen in the future. Ni makes their internal world abstract and can involve jumping around on intuitive leaps. In the SeFi, Ni might give them the sense that it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Overuse of an inferior function can be very draining, and may be unhealthy when constantly given priority over other functions.

This is Percy's inferior function . He doesn't notice patterns or Meanings behind things and he struggles to connect the dots. He doesn't like to think about the future and he gets anxious about the prophecy hence he tries to escape camp after botl to live in the present and not think about the impending war (obv inf ni). His ni grip comes into play when he learns about the prophecy and gives up thinking his future is doomed and becomes bitter.

I can see why people type percy as introvert but cognitive function wise his se>fi and his te>ni. The reason he appears as an introvert because he pretty much had a shitty life from the start . He had very low self esteem snd had always been perceived as dumb and a deliquent , good for nothing boy. He's only literal support was his mom only. He was abused by his stepfather for years. He was constantly bullied by everyone and everywhere he went. He might have been an extrovert if it weren't for his low self esteem and the constant He's been through made him withdrawn and reserved , but throughout the series we can see his confidence and come out of his shell then his extroverted nature is much more obvious plus its implied in the books many times that he gets along with a lot of people from camp and talks to them . A lot of his conversations aren't mentioned because well not all talks are necessary for the plot.

[superiorly-bred-mer]

Rating Skyrim houses

Honeyside (Riften) my first home :> pretty cozy + the back porch thingie is cool. a little small imo plus riften can be kinda stinky 7/10

Breezehome (Whiterun) very small but nice if its just you and your spouse. good for piling copious amounts of food on the ground. 6/10

Hjerim (Windhelm) not THAT bad but Blood on Ice glitched and i couldnt furnish it at all :/ the blood and glass on the ground kinda ruins the vibe + windhelm is kinda ugly imo plus RACISM -56/10

The house in Markarth : forgot the name but I actually havent ever fully furnished it so i have a vague idea of what it actually looks like. from what i know its pretty cool and argis the bulwark is kinda segsy but i dont really like markarth ( ._.) 6/10

Proudspire Manor (Solitude) Pretty :D me and mjoll and our kids live there and its roomy but pretty expensive. 25000 or something just to buy it. Solitude itself is also pretty but i heard they executed a man for opening a door?? kinda wack. 9/10

The one near Dawnstar: Its one of the Hearthfire houses and theyre kinda the same except how u customise them, the location itself im not a huge fan of... maybe because theres a giant camp 100 feet away? also ive only gotten this house once xD 1/10

Windstad Manor: Morthal is a pretty cool place ngl. my alchemist character lives there and its niceeee. nightshade and deathbell everywhere. not a very good place to raise kids, probably cuz the draugr from High Gate ruins like walking on my property. but hey 8/10

Lakeview Manor (Falkreath) Falkreath is probs my favorite hold. the trees and lake are so peaceful... until a giant kills your cow. there are a lot of giants from my experience. the house itself is a typical hearthfire house which is cool :> i use it to store basically everything 8/10

Severin Manor (Raven Rock) i like this house :> 1. its free 2. theres a lot of soul gems, alchemical ingredients, etc. already in the house. 3. solstheim is fascinating plus theres teldryn who lives a few doors down. the only downside is ur family wont move in with you :( so lonely 7/10

the house in winterhold: tf?? does this exist? is this a thing? maybe those damn mages made it invisible what/10

[mai-sau]

“Please don’t hide from me.” for Russigon (also welcome to the server!)

THANK U FOR WAITING THIS LONG THIS TOOK A WHOLE FOREVER AND A HALF AFHUJKGHNWISGHNLK I had a lot of fun writing this one!! Thank you for prompting (and thank you for the welcome!!), and I hope you enjoy!

Prompt: “Please don’t hide from me.”

It had started out simple enough, really. Maedhros had been resting in Mithrim for a time; his wounds healed as best they would, his kingship passed over to Fingolfin as smoothly as it could, and he was back to attending to business as often as he should. Which is to say: at all hours of the day.

And life went on. It was laughably simple, how easily the days passed. Here, time did not eke out like a sluggish wound for the sheer malice of such a thing. Elves rushed by him in their daily duties, councils convened and dismissed, and the dawns came and went. And Maedhros oversaw these elves, participated in those councils, and welcomed the dawns in the shadow of nightmares.

It was simple enough, really.

Throughout it all, Fingon was a blessing. During the day, he offered both precious wells of laughter and quiet companionship. When he wasn’t off conducting his own duties, he would come find Maedhros in the library (as he often was in his free time, the fuzzy silence of wooden shelves and crisp pages a balm to his nerves) and they would pass hours leafing through tomes, chatting in hushed tones, or simply gazing out the arching windows to the city below. 

Maedhros liked staring into the lake most of all, content to watch the sunset gleam and glimmer across its surface. Maedhros thought he was quite adept at the art of staring and mind-wandering, after decades chained up on that accursed cliff, or left waiting for the next torture as his body smeared a stone cold floor ruddy red -

Well. It was simple enough.

And at nights, Fingon would hold him close through his bitter nightmares, whispering sweet assurances that he was safe, he was in Hithlum, he was cherished. Occasionally it was Maedhros who did the holding, his beloved awaking with a terrible shiver that would not cease until long after the sun warmed the skies. Those nights were far worse, in Maedhros�� opinion.

But they went on, and they kept living, and the days kept passing by. It was easy.

Until it wasn’t.

It started with a simple touch. An act of comfort even, which made Maedhros all the more sickened by his own foul reaction. In one of their councils, someone had mentioned the pressing need to discuss the captive elves of Angband, their mind turning, and what it meant for Hithlum’s defenses to have such lethal weapons hidden as friendly faces; under the table, Fingon reached out a hand to grasp Maedhros’ own. 

Why he did Maedhros could not entirely say, perhaps it was to ease any distress at the mention of captivity, perhaps it was to soften the blow of indirect suspicion. All he did know was that as soon as Fingon’s hand - the same hand that had stroked his shaking side on the back of Thorondor, had steadied his spoon when Maedhros was still early and frail in his healing, had flipped the worn pages of their books for the evening - closed around his own, Maedhros was repulsed. 

He tamped the feeling down as swiftly as possible, trying to ignore the prickle of panic that raced through his veins pulsing out from that one point of contact. Nonetheless, for all his effort he could not relax the sudden tension in his body. Fingon had surely felt it, hand in his own. He gave him a concerned glance before squeezing even tighter, likely assuming Maedhros’ distress sprung from the topic of conversation. Maedhros felt the vague urge to vomit.

Afterwards, he was furious with himself. How dare he be disgusted with Fingon’s touch? Fingon, who had done nothing at all to warrant such distress. 

Nothing, except - Maedhros considered, before banishing the thought with such grief and guilt that for the rest of the day he carried around the heavy burden of tears not allowed to fall. He would not allow them to. How dare he weep over such ungrateful self pity - there were far greater things -

But it kept happening: whether a squeezed hand at another council meeting, a gentle hand in his as they made their way to dinner, or even a soft hand laid over his own in the silence of the library, Maedhros felt the same rapid revulsion flood his senses. 

To make matters more confusing, he did not feel like this at every touch he received; perhaps he could have reasoned to himself it was only a shadow of the pain endured in Angband. But Maedhros realized with growing dismay that it was only Fingon’s touch, and only upon his hand.

You know, a treacherous, sad voice reminded him. You know why.

I do, Maedhros thought with no small amount of self loathing. And that is why I must do better.

Fingon, clever as he was, caught on quickly enough.

“Nelyo?” he asked, after another ruined attempt at comfort in the library. He had reached out his hand to rub his thumb across the back of Maedhros’, only for Maedhros to tense as taut as a bowstring once again. And once again, Fingon slowly drew his hand back, brow furrowing as he turned to face Maedhros fully.

“Yes?”

Fingon seemed hesitant, unsure. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am. I’m here, aren’t I?” Maedhros tried to tease with a grin he knew was half-hearted at best.

“Yes, it’s just…” Fingon bit his lip, before something set in his eyes, and he continued on without hesitation. “Sometimes, you seem to recoil at my touch. Would you prefer I not, from now on? Touch you, that is. It’s alright if you do.”

“No!” Maedhros blurted. Immediately, he quieted his voice at Fingon’s widened eyes and the sound of his own harsh echo through the library - empty as it was - but the nervous twinge remained in his tone. “No, I adore your touch. Losing it - I could not bear such a thing.”

“But Maedhros,” Fingon said. “When I do, you tense so horribly and get the most strained look on your face. Please, I don’t wish to cause you harm or remind you of anything unpleasant.”

“You’re not,” Maedhros lied. “It’s just me. My body endured many… stresses, in Angband. These are just the shadows of the Enemy, nothing more.”

Fingon was silent for a moment. Eventually, he dropped his gaze to the table between them, its surface laden with books of all shapes and sizes that they had been exploring together. With a start, Maedhros saw his eyes begin to glisten, and he looked ashamed. 

“Are you sure,” Fingon said, voice thick. “That it is only the shadows of the Enemy you feel?”

“What do you mean?” Maedhros asked wearily, knowing damn well what he meant.

“Nelyo,” Fingon choked out. “You only hurt when I touch your hand.”

And with this, Fingon burst into tears. Flushed with an entirely new panic at the sight, Maedhros rushed to embrace him. Enveloped in his arms, voice low despite their solitude in the library at this time of the evening, Fingon cried tender apologies into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry Nelyo, I’m so sorry, if there were any other way, if I could have just broken those damn chains, I’m so sorry -”

Maedhros shushed him, though he felt his own throat grow tight. Guilt crept up his chest.  “Shh, love, you did everything you could. I would be dead if not for your wise decision. You saved me. You brought me home. I love you, and do not blame you one bit. It’s just my own body’s confusion - I am the one who should be sorry, to be so ungrateful -”

Fingon hiccuped and drew back. “Ungrateful?” He asked, incredulous. “Nelyo, I cut off your hand.”

“To save my life!” Maedhros cried. “If it weren’t for you, I would be dead. I begged you to kill me, and still you saved me.”

Fingon’s eyes softened. “Dearest, that doesn’t change the fact that you were hurt.”

“But I understand why,” Maedhros insisted, the frustration of these past weeks spilling out of him. “I understand why, and it was the kindest hurt given to me in those wretched mountains, so why do I only suffer their shadow in dreams, but my body can’t accept the one person who hurt me to help me?”

Wiping at his stinging eyes, Maedhros trembled. He felt wetness on his knuckles, rushing down his cheeks. “I don’t understand why!”

It was Fingon’s turn to reach out as if to embrace him, before his arms faltered midair. “Nelyo - I - can I hold you?”

“Yes,” Maedhros sobbed. “Just please don’t touch my hand I’m so sorry.”

“Of course,” Fingon murmured, and wrapped him tight in a hug. Slow as honey, he stroked Maedhros’ hair, letting his fingernails glide across his scalp and spine. How long they stayed like this Maedhros couldn’t tell, but after a while his tears began to dry and his body became his own again.

“My dear Nelyo,” Fingon said, long after he had quieted. He still ran his hand soothingly through his hair, down his back, and up again. “You are allowed to feel this way, as awful as I imagine it must be. I know you are loving, and grateful, and trying your best. I still hurt you, in a very permanent way at that, and it’s natural for your body to recognize it. It’s ok to be afraid.”

Maedhros breathed in deep, once, twice, like he would during heavy nights. He sighed against Fingon’s shoulder, clad in the smooth cerulean silks of his evening robes. There was a wet patch staining the silk. “This body can be such a bastard.”

“But it is your body, so I love it all the same.” Fingon assured. Slowly, Maedhros drew back, and saw a smile twitch at the corners of his lips. “As I love the bastard that inhabits it.” he teased.

Maedhros snorted. “As always, dearest, I regret to inform you of your dreadful taste.”

Fingon broke into a full grin. “Why, of course. And I regret to inform you that I simply do not care.” 

His face grew solemn again, and he reached a hand up to caress his cheek. Maedhros leaned into the touch. He let his eyes flutter shut. 

“I do love you, you know?” He heard Fingon’s quiet voice. “Love you as the kind, resilient ner you are. You are more than precious to me.”

Maedhros opened his eyes, locking his gaze with the dark eyes of his beloved. “I know. As I love the bravest ner I’ve ever met. So full of courage, to love so wholly.” Saying this, he kissed his palm.

Fingon smiled, radiant and warm. Rising from his seat at the table, he began to gather the books into organized piles. “Well then, it’s getting quite late. I’d say it’s about time for bed, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course,” Maedhros said, and rose to tidy up their books with him. “Oh, can we take this one on gardening back to our room? There was a bit on lissuin I wanted to finish before I forget.” 

“Certainly,” Fingon said, and set it aside. “Nelyo?”

“Yes?”

“I know it doesn’t happen all the time, but… would it be okay if I asked, before I touched you? And if you ever would feel more comfortable if I did not touch you at all, you can always tell me, even if it’s just certain areas or - or -” Fingon paused in his book arrangements, grasping for words. “Just - please don’t hide from me, love. I want you to tell me. I want you to get what you need, even if it’s space.”

Maedhros felt his throat tighten again, though his heart was far brighter this time. “Of course,” he answered. “Thank you.”

The slow, content smile returned to Fingon’s face. Together, they finished organizing the books and gathered them up in their arms to return at the reshelving cart by the great entrance doors.

“There now,” Maedhros said, dropping the hefty tomes down on the cart. “That was simple enough, wasn’t it?”

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Jonathan Crane Angst Alphabet

A- Accident, Would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?

Crane would feel guilty, especially if he had clown close to his partner. If they died of a toxin overdose, or thanks to the Dark Knight’s brute force, he would feel at fault. He may even go on a rampage to quell his anger, trying to fight batman or just spreading fear in some vain hopes that it brings his partner back to him.

B- Break up, How would they deal with one?

It depends on how close he is with said partner. After a week? He wouldn’t feel much sting, but if he had gotten close and exposed himself to them, then it would really hurt. He does not handle rejection well and may even attack his ex-partner with fear toxin.

C-Crying, Are they much of a crier?

Jonathan doesn’t cry very often, but yes he has cried before. He cried when Great Granny locked him in the chapel, he cried when Sherry cruelly tricked him, he cried the day he lost his job at Gotham University.  He keeps it in check most of the time, usually burying those feelings until the explode. And when they do? He cries himself to sleep.

D-Death, How do they deal with any death?

He knows death is inevitable, and he’s prepared for it. he doesn’t have a will or any plans for a funeral, he just hope he’ll be buried somewhere where no body will find him. Not that anyone would visit him any way. Death of others is different though, he didn’t care about murdering his family...but he would care of say, someone like Harley died. He’d feel sorrow that day.

E-Emotion, What’s the emotion they tend to push away the most?

Happiness. He doesn’t believe he can be truly happy, and even though he experiences joy within his passions, it’s an ever fleeting emotion that never stays it’s welcome. He’s suffered most of his life, and to him...that’s normal. It’s normal to live life without so much a a smile. And that’s what hurts him.

F-Frustrated, How much would it take to push them off the edge?

It depends on what it is. Making fun of him or attacking his appearance is NOT a good idea. He can’t stand bullies and will attack you with fear toxin if you provoke him.  Otherwise, he has quite a lot of patience for tom foolery.

G-Great Pain, What is the most painful thing they have witnessed?

That would be his childhood trauma, being locked in the aviary and forced to deal with hungry crows. No amount of punches from the Dark Knight could ever compare to an innocent child suffering alone and afraid.

H-Humiliation, How could they be humiliated?

By being bullied, even though he has thick skin as an adult, the same could not be said for his teenage years. He despises being made fun of, it hurts him deep down and he can’t control his tears. Even in the comics he’s ran away from bullies with his eyes red and swollen from crying. One time he was pantsed in front of his crush, Sherry Squires. It really embarrassed him, and from that point on he trusted no one. (this didn’t happen in the comics, I just came up with it(

I-Injured, How do they handle themselves when injured?

He hides his pain, and cringes though it all. He does not want to look weak, and being vulnerable during this time makes him feel that way. Even so, he has a very high pain tolerance thanks to aforementioned childhood trauma, so most attacks don’t harm in heavily.

J-Jittery, Which part of their past makes them flinch or even worked up?

Everything about his childhood. He hides it well, but if you dig deep enough he’ll break down and cry. (this is to say, only a few people have cracked him) He hated his great granny, so bringing her up brings out anger and scorn. He wishes he could have killed her a second time.

K-Kill, Would they kill for revenge?

Hell yes, and he actually has in the comics. He’s killed both his great grandmother and grandmother, and he TRIED to kill is father and mother. If batman had not intervened, he would have succeeded.

L- Loss, What was their greatest loss?

His childhood. He laments the fact that he never had a normal childhood. He lost out on so many milestones and had to grow up much quicker than your average kid. He didn’t have a best friend. He never got to swim in the lake. He didn’t get Christmas presents, and every day he suffered.

M- Mistakes, How much do they want to fix the mistakes of their past?

He doesn’t consider many of the choices in his life a mistake. The only exception is when he pulled out a gun in the classroom. Even though he KNEW he was in the right, and he KNEW it was a good experiment, other did not agree and that was his downfall. He really misses teaching. If he could do it over, he would. Anything for a chance to teach again.

N-Need, How would they react if you needed emergency surgery?

He would worry, because for one thing, he does not have the money for that. And besides, who would operate on a criminal? He may just accept his fate and suffer until his last breath. Besides, fate will get him sooner or later.

O-Outrage, What makes them angry?

Betrayal, anytime someone breaks his trust he gets extremely aggravated. Trust is something that he does not hand out lightly, so being back stabbed really hurts him. He can’t stand those who hurt him. He’s been hurt enough as is.

P-Pressure, What stresses them out to the breaking point?

When his toxin isn’t strong enough, he’s constantly honing his craft and yet the secrets of the chemicals elude him. What and when will he create a toxin strong enough to dismantle the bat. He is extremely smart, that’s a fact. yet still there is much more to learn. His is the only man in his field after all. No body but him can create fear toxin. He has nobody to rely on.

Q- Qualify, What part of themselves do they see as dangerous?

His lust for revenge. That’s the dangerous part. He will not give up until his anger is quelled. All who make him suffer must in turn suffer. That is what makes him scary. He never forgives.

R-Rock, What weighs them down?

The past. He can’t let go of it no matter how hard he tries. He buries it deep down and hides his pain from everyone, the friends, the doctors, you name it. He needs help to conquer this pain, but that he will never admit to.

S-Sorrow, Would they feel empty after the death of a loved one?

He would feel empty inside, this is someone he finally, after all those years of solitude, grew close to. He trusted him, and yes, he loved them. He would feel like his heart has been ripped apart, a hole exists now and nothing can fill it. Not toxin, not batman, not anything.

T-Time, What if they had a limited time to live?

He would make the most of it. Crane would likely spend the last of his hours fighting batman and spreading fear as that’s what brings him the most joy. Maybe he’d settle down and read a book for the last hours of his life, but more likely he’ll die fighting.

U-Urge, How badly do they get the urge to see you after separating?

It depends on how long him and his partner have been apart. He is fine with being alone, and may not miss them at the time but given more than a few weeks he would change his tune. If they were sent to Arkham, the there’s no doubt they would be broken out by the Scarecrow

V-Vent, How do they get rid of feelings they find unnecessary?

He doesn’t he rarely vents, most of the time he bottles it up until it explodes. And that is not a pretty sight, he gets really angry and his southern accent comes out in full force. Beware the wrath of the Scarecrow.

W-Wild card, A random angst headcanon.

He does not do well on his birthday. he actually wants to forget the date entirely and treat it as any other day. He was severely punished on his birthday, and those memories have not faded with time. DO not, I repeat, do not celebrate his birthday. He hates that date. (However, this may change depending on his partner and how long they have been together)

X- X-ray, What makes them transparent? How obvious can they get around something they hate?

He’s very good at hiding his true nature, so he doesn’t get angry until necessary. However, he has a bit of a grinchy side and will snear and make faces at what angers him. In that one way, he can be very transparent.

Y-Yearning, Do old memories make them yearn for your touch?

Yes, he still wishes he could’ve kissed sherry, despite the fact that she betrayed him. If that tells you anything, it should tell you that old memories bring up longing feelings. Old memories can hit him heard.

Z- Zoophobia, Is there any animal/bug/creature that scares them?

Bats He’s terrified of bats because they bring forth images of the Dark Knight. He would never admit to having this fear, but bats keep him up at night. He can’t stand these creatures. That’s why he keeps crows around, they keep the bats at bay, in more than one way.

[nikky-the-writer]

You left

Diego x Reader

Part 4 (Final part)

(You can find previous parts on my Masterlist on my page)

Warning: cursing, mentions of death, spoilers for the show

Summary: Reader is coming back to the place where she has lived since was seven and never fitted in except with Ben and Klaus

A/N: So this is the end..... I don't think that I've ever finished a series this fast so thank you for all the messages that helped me to finish it!!!! I hope that you will like this, tell me what you think!!

____________________________________________________________

Eight weeks had passed by since you left the house with Klaus and Ben. Since then, the early days had been filled with sorrow, anger, and pain. The pain was mostly present when you would help Klaus. However it was worth it, everything was worth it as after so many days of hurting you and Klaus made an improvement and with every day passing by it was getting easier for both of you.

There were still moments of doubt for Klaus, moments of weakness when he was ready to drive to the nearest town, but for the first time in his life, his actions were having a lot of impact on the person he cared for. He loved you, and he didn’t want to see you hurt especially as you would say to him every day how proud you were and there was a lot to be proud of. He didn’t change drastically, he was still an ass to both you and Ben, but he was sober and in touch with his powers more than ever before. He was the reason for the calmness which surrounded you after horror, he was the reason you got not one but two brothers back with you.

“True or false, Five is an ass?” Klaus asked as his fingers gripped the edges of the fabric so that he could swing the hammock where you’ve been lying. “Are we talking figuratively or literally?” you questioned Klaus as you were lying on the opposite side of him hoping that he won’t throw you on the ground with the way he was swaying you between the two large oak trees just at the brim of the lake. Your head was settled on Ben’s chest and also as at first it was surreal you quickly got used in having him around thanks to Klaus. However, Klaus sometimes used that against you, if you didn’t do something that he was too lazy to do he wouldn��t use his powers to get Ben for you.  He never really meant it and usually, all three of you would end up doing what he had to, but you wouldn’t like it any other way. “Does it matter?” Klaus said narrowing his eyebrows at you. “Your questions are stupid,” Ben said. “Oh really, my questions are stupid?” Klaus questioned after letting out a humorless laugh. “Your every question started with ‘if I were alive I would’, I don’t even care what you are doing right now.” “Stop it,” you warned Klaus, kicking him with your foot in the shoulder. “Ouch!” “I only touched you, you big baby!” you mocked him and he was quick to defend himself from your words. “I’m a baby? Why don’t you tell me then who is crying desperately at night?” Klaus teased and he could see the confusion on your face however he didn’t explain it entirely with words. He threw himself from the hammock on his knees. His face looked as he was about to cry when he started screaming as a desperate widow. “Diego!” he screamed as he reached with his hands towards the sky. “Diego!” You couldn’t help yourself but roll your eyes at him and if you had anything close you would probably throw it his way. “You know what? Five is not an ass, you are,” you stated, moving your attention to Ben and then Klaus started screaming again. “Diego!” “Stop it!” you yelled at him aware that he knew about your crush when you were kids as you would constantly avoid Diego. Klaus didn’t really get it, how could you like him when you would literally see him only when was needed and that was while you would be eating and your gaze on your plate. However, he was also surprised when the crush suddenly ended at least that’s what he thought as it was as if his brother was dead to you. “Just text him,” he shrugged as he laid back on the grass. “Why w…how…” “Oh, I know about the secret little text you got,” he teased winking at you. “How would you kn…Ben, please tell me that you didn’t,” you begged turning your head towards him, and he looked away from guilt. “I only wanted for him to talk to you, you were sad.” “And you thought that a person who mocks me would be nice about it?” you questioned and Klaus placed his palm against his chest as if you have hurt him. “Now I finally understand why you even started that pointless conversation when we arrived.” “I was nice,” he was quick to say. You stared at him intensely not believing what he just said. “No, you weren’t, it had no sense…you told me to burn his eyebrows, what would that do?” “He would have no eyebrows,” he simply said as if that was the perfect explanation. “And?” Ben questioned “I always have to draw everything to you, he has no eyebrows, he has no love life, just like you… actually, just like all three of us…wow we suck.” “You do,” you said smirking. “Oh, is the Virgin Mary speaking?” “Does the guy who compared his brother with an STD has any right to talk to me with that attitude?” you questioned raising your eyebrows at him. “That was not cool, Klaus,” Ben said. “Oh, shush you,” he was quick to dismiss Ben. “Why don’t we all go out?” “Are you blind Klaus, because you obviously can’t see the nature around you?” “I didn’t mean that; I thought just t-” “Don’t even bother finishing that sentence, I live here for a reason Klaus, there is no people, no parties,” you stated actually proud of that although it was lonely, you were far away so you wouldn’t hurt anyone. “And clearly only solitude, only three lively old ladies, actually one dead who just stare at the lake all day,” “Do you really hate it here?” you asked with a lump forming in your throat as you didn’t want to make him be where he really didn’t want to be. “I…I…” “He finished the final box of cereals this morning,” Ben stated aware of the cause of his brother's behavior. Because the first time you arrived here you ate cereals together and then every morning you would eat together, however, you overslept today and you weren’t aware of that. “Are you fucking with me right now?” you asked with your eyes wide open, ready to jump from your eye sockets. You couldn’t believe that all of his drama was about his cereals. “Is it weird that I would take you on the offer although I’m not high?” he questioned as you obviously didn’t see how much it meant to him. It was sort of his new routine with you and he was afraid that he will relapse even with a change as small as that. “Klaus!” “I’m only joking….maybe…” You jumped from the swing towards Klaus. Soon after you ended up rolling on the ground with him until you both rolled into the lake wetting your clothes. “I really hate you sometimes,” you said with a smile on your face as you sprayed him with water. “Now, make a list and I’ll go to the grocery store, alright? And please don’t try to smoke grass again?” you added the last thing as if you were a parent telling your kid to not do something when you were aware that they will still do it no matter what you say. “I did it one time, one time and you will never let go of that?” “It wasn’t even dry, I still can’t understand it,” you shrugged glancing towards Ben as he was usually the reasonable one. “He was too desperate to wait,” Ben shrugged as Klaus didn’t listen to him as usual. Klaus had it enough with you two going against him so before you were too far he yelled making you turn around. “Take your phone with you to put your lover out of misery, if you even can get a signal!” “Well, I’m going to civilization, have fun with nature,” you yelled back hearing him groan from defeat.

______________________________________________________________ You were pushing the cart towards your car while staring at your phone and one line on it; it was the most you could get for your phone however you didn’t know if you needed it. You rarely used your phone and only your mom had your number, but you weren’t staring at the text you got from her, but from Diego. It was sent to your phone not even ten minutes after you left and you couldn’t force yourself to answer, as you didn’t really have anything to say. You stared at his message for eight weeks and you couldn’t understand what he meant with it. It was so simple yet so confusing: ‘I meant every word I said’. It just wasn’t possible for it to be true, it just wasn’t. There was something in your heart telling you that it’s true, just as so many moments during your childhood, however, your brain always had the last word, and it said that Diego hates you. And with that knowledge you were defeated as you loved the boy who hated you, there was no happiness in that. “Y/N!” You heard a voice behind you as you were putting the last bag in your car. You had to close your eyes for a moment before turning around as you couldn’t understand why anyone of them would come here. “Alisson? What are you doing here?” “I was looking for you,” she admitted as she stepped closer only for you to step back. “Of course you were, because of what reason?” you asked suspiciously after closing the trunk. “Look, you need to listen to me, alright?” she asked as if she was in hurry and whatever she had to say was important. “I don’t have to do anything except to go home,” you stated coldly not bothered with her or any problems that she decided to bring here. “I’ve been looking for you for eight weeks,” she admitted and you narrowed your eyebrows at her not understanding what she expected from you as you sure as hell won’t applaud her for that. “And should I congratulate you for finding me? I probably messed up.” “No, you actually did a good job, to not be found, but I u-” “Rumors, I know you don’t have to explain; now I have to go,” you said sternly already heading towards the door not even thinking about returning the cart into its place as you just wanted to go home, far from her and all the memories. “Just give me a minute.” “I don’t know why you are here but if you try your stupid rumors on me, I will hurt you before you say the third word.” “He doesn’t hate you,” she said quickly and the words left you shocked for a second before you laughed at her. “Oh God, just stop it, would you? You never even cared for any of us except for your dear Luther, why do you care about his supposed feelings now?” “Because it’s my fault.” You could see that she meant it, but you couldn’t understand why something she did to Diego had anything to do with you, except that she was a bitch who fucked her brother’s mind. “You made him think that he loves me?” you asked finally only to be met with silence so you continued. “Why would you in the world do that? Did he have a crush on you and you needed a scapegoat so you chose me?” “Do you remember when we were kids; it was actually a few days before father locked you outside and the day just after Ben h-” “I remember.” “That day I saw you with Luther in the hallway,” she stopped for a moment having a hard time admitting what she had done. “He was touching your hand and you had this smile on your face…you seemed so happy,” her eyes were welling up as she tried to explain as if it hurt her to say it, or maybe just to admit her actions. “Luther didn’t make me smile and my hand was hurt, Ben accidentally hurt me and…” you stopped for a second as you moved your fingers over the scar. “No…he…” you whispered confused as the memory that came to you as it wasn’t possible for it to be true. “Diego fixed your cut and he made you smile, and I didn’t know that then. I was jealous an-” “He kissed me…” you whispered as your palm moved to the side of your cheek as you remembered it, you couldn’t understand why did you believe that it was a dream, maybe you just assured yourself that somebody who hated you couldn’t have done that. “But he hated me…why?” your voice was silent as a whisper as your mind couldn’t connect the dots as it was forced not to connect them. “I told you that he hated you,” she finally said staring at the ground. “But you don’t care about Die…” the words died in your throat as you finally realized what you never thought could be true. “Oh, God you are a bitch!” you screamed in her face not believing what she just admitted. “You thought that Luther liked me so you made me believe that the boy I loved hated me because you couldn’t take your fucking precious time to make it specific?! “I made a mistake, I only didn’t want for y-“ “You know what is sad?” you asked completely done with her and with her apologizes. “You think that it was a mistake because you weren’t specific when actually it was a mistake to do that to your own family. I could never connect the dots for something so weird in my brain, but it never even crossed my mind that you had something to do with it, as I would never do something that selfish to my own family.” You declared with tears in your eyes as you she managed to break you in pieces. She took away almost your whole childhood and adult life while she stole for herself the perfect life she wanted until it all fell apart. “God, I hate you, your daughter is so much better without you, you don’t even deserve to have her.” “I…” “I can hardly say this as I don’t know you, but knowing at least one percent of you I’m sure that I’m the first person hearing this, you lied to them didn’t you?” you questioned wiping your tears quickly not even looking at her anymore as you struggled to stop your hands from shaking as you opened the door. “I said that it was probably my fault, I didn’t want for them to hate me,” her voice came out soft, almost as a whisper. “You didn’t want for them to hate you, poor little Alisson,” you mocked. “I wonder how it feels when a member of your family hates you.” “You only thoug-” “You are blessed with your powers, you don’t enter minds, you just spread rumors,” you stated rather calmly as you were ready to enter your car, but before you do you had to tell her what she actually did to you with one simple rumor. “What do you think how my mind reacted when it was suddenly convinced that I was hated by Diego? I started doubting my own memories, I started seeing things in other people’s behavior which weren’t there as my brain couldn’t process Diego’s actions towards me with what I was convinced was true. You fucked my brain, you fucked my life, Alisson,” your voice went higher at the end as you couldn’t take it. “I was just a kid…” you whispered still not believing that she did it because of jealousy, because a family wouldn’t do that. “I’m sorry.” “No you are not sorry, so stop saying that, because if it was true that I liked Luther you would be alright with me staying out of his way, but now…now you feel guilty and I will never forgive you for what you have done.” “Y/N, just pl-” she begged as you turned your back to her only for you to glance back. “Do you really wish to continue this conversation, because I can hurt you? You are weak and you will never know the real pain that comes with my powers, with Klaus’ with Ben’s, it fucks you up and you…” you couldn’t even describe the horrors you had seen and done, but at the moment it didn’t matter as this betrayal hurt so badly. “I thought that you were my sister,” you said silently looking straight in her eyes. “I will tell them, we can fix this,” she pleaded. “Fix what? We are not kids anymore you should’ve learned that not everything that was broken can be fixed,” you exhaled slowly. “It seems that one of my sisters died years ago and I wasn’t aware of it until now…” you stated before sitting down. “Have a nice life Alisson, enjoy in everything that you’ve never deserved,” it was the final thing you said before you closed the door. You could see her crying next to your car, but you ignored it as it wasn’t her who was truly hurt, but you as well as Diego. And now there was only one thing left to do before you started the car and headed home leaving Alisson and what she did behind.

______________________________________________________________

It was a quiet day as you were sitting on the small wooden pier while Klaus was constantly jumping from it into the water splashing you in process. You were supposed to be reading a book while the sunrays were dancing on your skin, but after Klaus jumped the first time the drops of water fell on the pages dissolving the ink. So now your feet were in the slightly warm water as you stared ahead at the peaceful lake and the relentless soul in it. But you weren’t alone with Ben next to you and no words were needed as all three of you were at peace. It was oblivious that Ben will never be truly back, but what you had now was as if he was there only never aging while you and Klaus and rest of your sibling will turn gray and wrinkly, he will stay the same however only if he stays in good graces with Klaus. As there are a lot of years ahead and you are all far from people, you could only hope for the best. Everything was put in its place, all the old memories were left behind and you were eager to start working on the new ones. It took time but you even reached to Vanya and Five who will come to visit you next week as well as mom and Pogo. Everything was peaceful, everything was as it was supposed to be, until the moment it wasn’t. Until the moment you were picked up from the pier and thrown into the lake. You had no time to catch your breath before you were submerged moving your hands and legs to reach the surface, however soon it wasn’t needed as you were pulled out with your head piercing through the calm surface. The drops of water were sliding down your face as you were coughing out water as you actually swallowed a lot. And the second you managed to wipe your eyes from the water you were met with two puppy eyes. “I almost drowned,” you exclaimed moving your hands slightly to stay afloat. “I would save you, that is kind of my job,” Diego said trying to stop himself from smiling. He even had to bit on his lower lip as he watched you. “So you commit a crime and then you do what exactly?” you asked staring at him and slowly moving towards him. “And then I save the day.” “Oh, honey, you didn’t save it, you just pissed me off,” you smirked at him before suddenly pulling your hands from the water splashing him across the face. You didn’t stop until he cached your hands bringing you closer. There was a moment of silence as he stared at you, of course until Klaus decided to speak up. “Just kiss, as if you haven’t done it already, and even more than that,” he yelled as he was sitting on the pier in one of your long shirts next to Ben. “No, wait,” he yelled again as you and Diego were inches away from each other. He even stood up as you both glared at what he was doing. “There is a child present,” he said gesturing towards Ben who moment later pushed him in the water making you laugh. “I can’t believe I actually lived so many years without him,” you said softly. “And without Ben,” you spoke placing your hands on each side of his neck as you stared into his eyes. “And without you.” Diego’s smile only grew as your lips met, however, it didn’t last long as Klaus pulled you under water taking you away from Diego as after all he was your favorite.

_____________________________________________________________

A/N: Thank you for reading!! Feedback is appreciated!!!

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[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[monicawoe]

12, 16, 21, 25

for the fanfic end of the year asks meme (thanks @slytherkins !)

12. favorite character to write about this year: It’s a tie between Eddie Brock/Venom and Sam Winchester. Venom fics have been incredibly fun to write and I’ve really been enjoying writing more humorous fics which is something I used to struggle with. But with Supernatural in its last season I also had a serious resurgence of need to write all the Sam fics!

21. most memorable comment/review:  “M A X I M U M T O A S T BABYBOI NO.”…which totally makes sense in context. Venom had some difficulties operating the toaster.

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read: Definitely The Holy Grail Bird by @denugis  Not just because she wrote this as a gift fic to me, but because it’s easily one of my favorite fics of all times. This is such an insightful look into Sam and addresses the Winchester’s Chuck Problem so cleverly, but more than that it brought me to tears in the best kind of way, the kind of tears that happen when somebody just gets it so spot on and so beautifully that your heart leaps and aches all at the same time.  If you are a Sam Winchester fan, do yourself a favor and read this immediately if you haven’t yet, and if you’ve already read it, then go read it again

16 fic(s) you completed this year (*saving this one for last since it’s a long response!) I completed 17 fics this year, of which 16 were posted–mainly Supernatural, Venom and MCU. This was such an awesome year for collaborations, big-bangs and fic exchanges. I had the opportunity to work with some truly stellar artists who are all total sweethearts, so thanks again to @sketchydean, @sdeeys, @vebirascanvasand of course @quickreaver for bringing my fics to life so beautifully. Thanks also to everybody whose prompts I filled for various events, and big thanks to my amazing betas for saving me from my own bad writing habits

Links, fic summaries, and gorgeous art banners below the cut!

Supernatural:

Lakeside Fishing - After defeating Famine, after days of suffering through demon blood withdrawal in the panic room, Sam needs time to clear his head. Early in the morning, he heads to a small lake seeking solitude, but instead finds an unexpected ally. (Sam/Patrick(S5ep7), 4k words)

His Soul to Keep - art by @sketchydean - written for the SPN Eldritch Bang horror event - Dean’s deal is coming due soon. When he finds out from Ruby that Hell will turn him into a demon, he refuses to accept it, even though he can already feel pieces of his soul starting to crumble away. Sam is his only anchor to the world, and Dean finds it harder and harder to leave his side.   After Broward County, after watching Dean die a thousand deaths, Sam decides he’s not going to let Dean go to Hell. He’ll do whatever it takes, even if that means allying himself with Ruby and using the darkness inside of him. Sam casts a soul-binding spell on Dean; they might not be able to break the deal, but they can change who Dean’s soul belongs to. (13k, Sam/Dean, hard-gen, AU of season 3))

Thirteen Taps of The Ivory Beak - Death is a transient thing. The bird knows this, because she herself is both alive and not. Her creator made her this way, not by choice but because of who he is. (a companion piece to de_nugis’ The Holy Grail Bird, 900 words)

Whosoever Holds - Just when Sam Winchester needs it most, Mjölnir returns to him. But is he really worthy? (2k, gen Sam Winchester, Steve Rogers; MCU/SPN crossover)

The Devil You Knew - Brady, not Azazel, had killed Jessica, all those years ago. And now he was sitting across from Sam, bound. Trapped. (1k; an alternate version of Sam’s confrontation with Brady in 5x20)

Wednesday - It’s Wednesday. It’s always Wednesday, he thinks, as he stands up and leaves the motel room, not sparing a glance at the other bed. (2k, Mystery Spot boyKing!Sam AU)

Last Drop - art by @quickreaver -written for the Twisted Tropes event - Sam/Brady AU set while Sam’s at Stanford:  Sam is slowly adjusting to his new life at Stanford University. He’s left his life of hunting behind, and traded it for endless studying and tests, but he’s plagued by dreams of Dean and Dad in danger, dreams of blood and violence. Then he meets Tyson Brady, who’s always there with a smile and a cup of coffee to get Sam through all-nighters. Sam’s dreams start to fade, but just as he’s getting used to a nice normal life, he starts to develop abilities—powers he can’t control. Brady thinks they’re great, but Sam knows power never comes without a cost. (14k, Sam/Brady)

Breathing, Talking, Dead Man Walking   -  John Doe, male, approximately thirty-seven years old. Subject was found by EMTs in close proximity to the site of a sizable explosion in Lebanon, Kansas. (2k, gen, Sam & Dean)

Venom:

Costume Party - Eddie and Venom are invited to a costume party at the museum. While there, they find a mad scientist in the dinosaur wing who is up to no good. (Symbrock, 5k words)

Reckoning Tartare with a Side of Tater Tots - Eddie Brock is writing a story about Will Graham, a man accused of horrific serial murders. But Eddie’s got a feeling Will is innocent, and somebody else is to blame. When Hannibal Lecter invites Eddie to dinner, Venom is surprised by the menu. (2k words; Venom | Hannibal crossover)

The End Times Are Here (But So Are We) - Eddie Brock crashes his motorcycle near Anathema Device’s Jasmine Cottage. She was expecting him, of course. Agnes Nutter’s prophecy had foretold his coming, just in time for the End of Days. (2k words; Venom | Good Omens crossover)

Asunder - (bigbang featuring art by @sdeeys and @vebirascanvas !) Eddie and Venom have grown accustomed to their new life together. They patrol every night, keeping San Francisco just a little safer, and keeping Venom fed. But one night, they’re captured, and separated. Eddie wakes up to find himself imprisoned in a glass cell and, for the first time in six months, completely alone.  (Symbrock, PG-13, 12k words; written for the @symbrockbigbang)

Midnight Snack - Eight hours is way too long to wait until breakfast. Venom makes snacks while Eddie is sleeping. Unfortunately the toaster gives them some issues. (3k words)

They Say It’s Your Birthday - Venom asks Dan to help throw a surprise birthday party for Eddie. (3k words | written for the chocolate box gift exchange)

Marvel/Captain America

Interstitial Light - After Thanos wiped half of life off the planet, the remaining Avengers find a way to reach out to those they lost, using a combination of Stark-Tech, magic and their own memories. Steve makes contact with Bucky, but they spent too many decades apart when Steve was on ice. But there was somebody else who knew Bucky during that time—who trained with him, who knew both the Winter Soldier and James Barnes: Natasha. | 6k, Natasha, Bucky

Stumble and Fall Into You   -   Three months ago, Steve’s world shattered. SHIELD had been infiltrated by Hydra, people he trusted turned out to be enemies, and Bucky, who he thought he’d lost in 1944, had been alive this whole time. Steve tries to get back to some kind of normalcy, but Bucky is always on his mind, and lately he’s been seeing him everywhere. | 5k, Steve/Bucky

—

The 17th fic I completed this year is my Sam Winchester Big Bang fic, which will be posting early next year. I’ve gotten paired with yet another wonderful artist (I think it’s still supposed to be a secret, but it won’t be for long) and am very excited about this collaboration too!

Might as well make this my end of year stats post as well while I’m at it.

Words so far: 247,305 as of end of November, I’ll probably come in close to 280k by end of year. About a third of these words were posted as fics, the rest were prior drafts and a handful of short stories.

Thematically this was a very cathartic and iddy year for me in fic. Venom fandom gave me the opportunity to tackle things in a totally different way which has been incredibly freeing and fun to write, and returning to Supernatural fic had me writing out ideas I’d had on the backburner for years, like with Wednesday and my aforementioned SWBB. Nearly every Sam Winchester fic I write is about autonomy (loss of or reclaiming of) in one way or another but I’d say the two iddiest ones by far from this year were His Soul to Keep and Last Drop. 

I’ve got four WIPs heading into 2020, so here’s to another year of writing!

[brownheadedcowbird]

found scans of my dad’s photos from when he climbed grand teton sometime in the late 80′s-early 90′s

[citialiin]

ooc ; thank u for tagging me in fun memes and stuff! ヽ(　･∀･)ﾉ so i dont flood ppls dashes i just wait until i have a few & put them under readmores.

HORROR ARCHETYPE AESTHETICS tagged by: @ betelguide

GOTHIC HORROR.

gaslights.   corsets.   ballrooms.   candlelight.   mist.   starless nights.   full moons.  cobbled streets.   horse-drawn carriages.   mysterious strangers.   bogs.   moors.  forests.   mountains.   castles.   velvet.   silver.   brass.   gold.   jewels.   domino masks.   the opera.  dangerous romances.   tragic romances.   violins.   roses.   lilies.   empty graves.   crosses.   cemeteries.   snow.   ice.   the gallows.   crows.   milk-white skin.  ambiguous illness.  fangs.   pointed nails.   something howling in the night.   capes.   gloves.   top hats.   straight razors.   lightning.   pipe organs.   underground caverns.   bats.   mice.   rats.   ravens.   cats.   pearls.   attics.   talismans.   axes.   wood.  isolation in a room full of people.   vampires.   werewolves.   ghosts.   coffins.   western europe.   eastern europe.   bones.   churches.   catacombs.   mausoleums.   spiders.   books.

CLASSIC HORROR.

black   &   white.   powder puffs.   red lipstick.   winged eyeliner.   white kitten heels.  black lace lingerie.   icy blue eyes.   rain.   abandoned cars.   skeletons.   acid.  poison.   voyeurism.   switchblades.   strangling.   overcoats.   looking over your shoulder.   trans-atlantic accents.   private detectives.   dinner parties.   haunted mansions.   alcohol in glass decanters.   cobwebs.   perfect blonde curls.   kitchen knives.   shock.   cellars.  dust.  dark alleys.   empty streets.   driving at night.   horn-rimmed glasses.   radiation.  zombies.   serial murder.   paranoia.   the city.   witches.  the devil.   cannibalism.  conspiracies.   amulets.   abject terror.   the american south.   the american northeast.    england.   analog cameras.

SLASHERS.

bloodbaths.   massacres.   wanton nudity.   newspapers.   leather jackets.   letterman jackets.   converse sneakers.   obscured faces.   social unrest.   bonfires.   lakes.  babysitters.   suburbia.   high school.   lockers.   dead leaves in the fall.   jack-o’-lanterns.   outdated television sets.   nightmares.   psychiatrists.   hospitals.  unstoppable forces.   gunfire.   police.   landline telephones.   household objects turned into improvised weapons.   halloween.   secrets.   revelations.   character masks.  scrunchies.   queerness.   wild curls.   morbid humor.   jeering children.  parties.   fire.   swearing.  revulsion.   california.   the american midwest.   ambulances.

PARANORMAL HORROR.

malevolent spirits.   seances.   spells.   missing bodies.   hidden graves.   white noise.   static.   flickering lights.   rings of salt.   demons.   poltergeists.   dark histories.   old buildings.  cold air.   mausoleums.   wells.   urban exploration.   a dog barking at something you can’t see.   black ooze.   old photographs.   faces you can swear you’ve seen before  but can’t for the life of you figure out where.   dark bodies of water.   crucifixes.   priests.   possession.   exorcisms.   dolls.   jump scares.

CRYPTID   &   URBAN LEGEND HORROR.

ALIENS.  blinding light.   dark woods.   driving at night.   claw-marks.   bite-marks.   men in black.   memory loss.  dismembered bodies.   sewers.   flashlights.   cell phones.   video cameras.   cars with tinted windows.   abandoned houses.   unlabeled cassette tapes.  bugs.   big cities.   urban crimes.  clowns.   something rustling outside your window. glowing light.   unsolved mysteries.   suburbia.   mirrors.   the american pacific northwest.   the american midwest.   the american east coast.   hiking   /   backpacking.

THRILLERS.

daylight.   fluorescent lighting.   morgues.   asylums.   unwavering eye contact.  tension.   lit rooms with no one inside them.   a dog digging in the newly-planted flower bed.  steely gazes.   paperwork.   anagrams.   codes.   convicted killers.  missing persons.  law enforcement.   federal agents.  small towns.   suspicion.   paranoia.   subdued terror. dimly-lit parking lots.

CLASSIC NOVELIST AESTHETICS tagged by: @ finestprize

JOHN KEATS. the lavender in sunsets, flowers in the rain, sunlight slipping through clouds,  lazy summer afternoons, the heavy scent of musk, flickering candlelight reflecting off the gold titles of books,  fireflies on a cool summer night, being wrapped in fresh bed sheets, the ache of wanting what you can never have, dripping sunlight like gold,  loving someone so exquisite,  soft lips and soft whispers, fingers through hair, names of lovers carved in trees, broken glass,  the insistence of being perpetually dreamy.

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD.   crisp winter skies with cold bright stars,  mahogany wood, the solitude of an early autumn morning wrapped in fog,  empty bottles on stacks and stacks of books haphazardly placed in a messy room,  bruised arms reaching out into the darkness,  cigarette smoke just barely hiding the scent of alcohol,  a wall of books all poetry and old and weathered, the way tragedy strikes in your heart but ends up stopping your breathing for a moment,  your favorite sweater, parties spilling into four a.m. with the stars above spinning and dancing, the contrast of blood against snow,  a purple split lip oozing blood,  black eyes fading to blue to pale skin,  the butterflies of falling in love for the first time, the statues falling apart over time in cemeteries,  the romanticization of self-destruction.

FRANZ KAFKA.  the weight of dread that sits heavily in your stomach when thinking about the future,  decrepit houses cloaked in mystery from children telling stories of people who died there,  the way not even light can escape a black hole, the rich smell of old books, delicate veins in the wrist, ghosts filling lungs,  shattered bones,  raindrops on the tongue,  rusting metal, nostalgia that aches,  the way hope feels like a plastic bag over your head.

H.P. LOVECRAFT.   the anxiety felt when staring into an unknown cave,  pouring rain and mud, a child’s fear of the dark,  thinking so many questions about your existence as you stare at the vast expanse of never-ending ocean,  the silence of three a.m.,  ouija boards and urban legends. (WHO WROTE THIS???? HAVE YOU EVER OBSESSIVELY POURED OVER HP LOVECRAFT LIKE I HAVE??? THIS SUCKS!!! THESE ARE NOT HP LOVECRAFT AT ALL WHERE IS THE SECTION ABOUT CLIMBING UP MOUNTAINS TO SUMMON ELDER GODS AND HOWLING AT THE MOON LIKE A MADMAN AND HAVING A WIZARD BEAT YOU TO DEATH IN YOUR OWN HOUSE)

JACK KEROUAC.   the brisk pine air of being on a mountain,  travels without a destination,  those nights where you’re missing three hours of memory,  screaming to a lifeless desert about how you’re so alive,  coffee shops late at night, car rides at night spent speeding and laughing in the dark, naps spent in the sun,  novels highlighted and underlined with notes and epiphanies in the margins, the way uncertainty sits on the shoulders, ignoring flaws and loving life,  wind through hair,  depression as fog in the brain, impossible ideals, a quiet sunrise,  walks alone, when you think about trying to discover all the secrets to the universe, dazzling people, open lands stretching out into infinity, falling in love with being alive.

EDGAR ALLAN POE.   the ocean’s horizon inseparable from fog,  hollow bones,  a preserved heart held in hands,  twinkling stars above an old graveyard,  the way everything turns to dust,  silent black birds with eyes full of wisdom, self-inflicted flames,  perfection depicted as a rotting corpse,  death as bricks in the heart,  lips barely brushing against each other, glassy glazed eyes,  biting into a lemon,  heart-shaped bruises,  rotting flowers on a grave,  dried blood and spilled liquor,  the hush of dusk when it begins raining,  the intimacy of a secret.

LITERARY ARCHETYPE MEME tagged by: @ manenimittliv

HOMERIC EPITHET:  You are THE GREAT TELLER OF TALES

The Greek hero Odysseus had many epithets ascribed to him (others included “much-enduring,” “cunning,” and “man of twists and turns”), and this was one of them, so you’re in good company.

FATAL FLAW: YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF A PERSON.

And then I deleted the rest of this because it didn’t really apply to him. Oh well

LITERARY SETTING: GATSBY'S MANSION

You got Gatsby’s mansion! This larger-than-life crib is the perfect place for a party animal like yourself. It’s located on the Long Island Sound (ideal for swimming, lounging, obsessively staring across the water with a LaCroix in your hand and unattainable fantasies on your mind, etc.), but it’s also just a train ride away from New York City (city of dreams and $1 pizza). But let’s not forget the best part: it’s got a library that’ll make you wanna grab a fluffy blanket and a chai latte and literally never see the light of day again.

this is a lot of useless information. steal them if youd like

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Joshua Stamper

Photo by Christopher McDonald

After 25 years composing and arranging, Joshua Stamper’s versatility remains as notable as ever. The artist moves fluidly from classical to indie-rock to chamber music and more. While collaborating with acts like mewithoutYou and Robyn Hitchcock or scoring films, he manages to release his own work, too. Reviewing Stamper’s most recent release, Justin Cober-Lake described PRIMEMOVER as a “soundtrack for a particular kind of year in the church life, one with puzzles and rest, beauty and complication.” His work, as with PRIMEMOVER or his new Elements project, tends to be multidisciplinary, with Stamper incorporating an array of influences from outside music. With his breadth of input and output, it's no surprise that Stamper would offer us a list that includes music, visual art, philosophy, and poetry.

Thierry De Mey — “Unknowness, for percussion and sampling: Love Function is to Fabricate Unknowness”

My brother gave me Thierry De Mey’s Kinok for my birthday about twenty years ago. He bought it on the strength of the album cover alone. It’s a record I have returned to dozens of times. “Unknowness” is utterly arresting — a deep and loose sway juxtaposed with startling percussive gestures as unpredictable as ricocheting gunshots. It is all swing, mystery, magic, and space. I feel when listening that I am reduced to sub-atomic scale, where mountains of granite become a gossamer mesh that I move through as a stroll in the park, looking at trees that are freeze-frame explosions.

John Cage — “Water Walk”

4'33" is a popular punching bag for Cage critics. The piece is derided as an adolescent practical joke from an impertinent child of a composer who gets his kicks deliberately wasting audiences’ time. “It's not music” is the common refrain, but the complaint behind the complaint is that it is alienating; that the only way in which the piece facilitates communal experience is that everyone feels on the outside of an inside joke.

When I was younger, I shared this impatience with Cage. Then I came across “Water Walk,” a piece premiered in January 1960 on the popular TV game show I’ve Got A Secret. My view of John Cage and his music were both upended, instantly and utterly. Instead of a preening and pretentious provocateur I encountered a playful and guileless individual filled with wonder; one who took unfettered joy in people, invention, and the sheer fact of sound.

In the space of one viewing, 4'33" shifted from an insolent and self-satisfied prank to a concentrated celebration of community and sound — a wide-eyed invitation to pause, together, all of us here sharing this space, LISTEN, all of us here sharing this space, together, pause. My self-righteousness shattered. All becomes music. I haven't heard anything the same way since.

I’ve since spent a great deal of time with his writing, lectures, poems, prints and music, and wonder how I could have ever thought ill of the man's intentions. It may seem obvious, but Cage taught me that an artist’s own life is the clearest interpretative lens through which to understand their work.

Prince and the Revolution — “I Wonder U” (from Parade)

Sgt. Pepper-esque sound design, kaleidoscopic orchestral arrangements, the hushed voices of Prince, Wendy and Lisa riding on a composite groove of such integrity and force that it sounds like it's forged from steel...

I first encountered Prince’s Parade the summer between my high-school graduation and my first year of college. “I Wonder U” is less than two minutes long, but I was stopped in my tracks. The song feels like the liminal space between dreaming and waking, at once welcoming and dangerous, where multiple musics converge like Charles Ives’ double marching bands destined for head-on collision. Discreet melodies and rhythms and keys bleed in and out of each other, but also exist as vital layers in a larger whole. It's a hypnotizing 3-D sonic Venn diagram.

My decision to major in composition was set.

Jasper Johns — “Regrets”, 2013, oil on canvas

Jasper Johns said, “I think that one wants from a painting a sense of life. The final statement has to be not a deliberate statement but a helpless statement. It has to be what you can't avoid saying.”

“a helpless statement” – I find myself breathing deeper and slower with Johns’ words, grateful for the reminder that before anything else, art making must be grounded in vulnerability and weakness. The hope and the challenge in Johns’ words is its call to distillation, to get to the heart of the heart of the heart of a matter, where there is simply nothing else that can be said. The process of distillation even involves the shedding of all those things we sometimes mistake for the work itself: craft, expertise, training, credential. There’s a threshold that must be crossed, a moment of lift-off where will and deliberation are left behind and the work takes flight on what is inevitable, as involuntary as a cry or a laugh.

Palestrina — “Missa Brevis”

“Painting is time, music is space.” So said one of my brother’s undergrad art professors. Of course, you’d expect the opposite, as space is the context in which painting exists while time is the fundamental warp and woof of music. But my most profound experiences with music are always characterized by new spaces being revealed or created. By “space,” I don't mean some state of cerebral or emotional revelry. I mean real, actual space — with dimensions. A space that’s shocking in its physicality. This happens to me constantly.

My first experience of Palestrina’s “Missa Brevis” was in a choir rehearsal in my junior year of high-school. It was a catalytic event. A braid of interweaving melodies and counter-melodies emerged, enveloping me and everyone else singing, and the room seemed to expand. I wanted more. The vocational pull to become a musician was like being swept out to sea.

Every time I return to this piece, I experience this expansion. The patient dip and rising of every “Kyrie,” “eleison” and “in excelsis” creates its own cosmology, its own dimensions and gravity. Our relationship to time is also a relationship to space; their woven-ness is inextricable. The space-time continuum isn't just a physics thing.

Ann Hamilton — The Event of A Thread

Years ago, I had the opportunity to experience The Event of A Thread by Ann Hamilton at the Park Avenue Armory in New York City. A massive silk that moves like water or vapor, a field of swings, a record stylus, wooden crates of live pigeons, paper scrolls spilling onto the floor, a ceiling peppered with pulleys, bags of words and sacks of sound... It's difficult to describe the piece, in either its scope or particulars, but I became a child.

In Ann Hamilton's discussion of the piece, she says, “It happened because a space was made for it to happen.” The inverse implication of this statement is that if space isn't made, things won’t happen. In my experience, solitude, reflection, exploration and craft are so easily bullied by the crush of life and of calendars, but Hamilton’s observation presses an urgent case for the care and protection of these kinds of spaces to think and puzzle and make. How much wonder, play, rest, and beauty could exist only for want of a place to exist?

So, with that, “it happened because a space was made for it to happen” – my working manifesto.

Mary Oliver — Upstream (Section One: “Of Power and Time”)

“It is a silver morning like any other. I am at my desk. Then the phone rings, or someone raps at the door. I am deep in the machinery of my wits. Reluctantly I rise, I answer the phone, or I open the door. And the thought which I had in hand, or almost in hand, is gone.”

The untroubled waters of a day whose promises have yet to unfold are not untroubled for very long. But the most persistent interruptions are those that come, as Oliver describes, “not from another, but from the self itself.” The resonance for me is deep.

In a 2015 On Being interview, Mary Oliver tells a story about when she learned she had received the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry (she didn't even know that her latest, American Primitive, had been submitted for the award): she was at the town dump looking to buy shingles to shingle a roof with. A painter friend of hers came by, joking, “Ha, what are you doing? Looking for your old manuscripts?”. Oliver just laughed and continued looking. When recounting the story to Krista Tippett, she chuckled and said, “...my job in the morning was to go find some shingles.”

To simply be dedicated to the work of the day, to be unmoved and uninterrupted by either rejection or by accolade represents a degree of settledness that I find very beautiful and very challenging.

She was known for writing while she was walking...

Ludwig Wittgenstein / Wendell Berry — “How to Be a Poet”

To continue on the subject of the working life, last night I came across a beautifully concise quote from Ludwig Wittgenstein that speaks to a consistent tension I experience: the urgency to cultivate the solitary and silent spaces required for thinking and working, and a loud and frenetic pull in the opposite direction to “produce” (to what end? - I constantly find myself asking). He simply says: “I can only think clearly in the dark."

This sentiment is echoed in Wendell Berry's proverb-like poem “How to Be a Poet” (wit and wisdom go together well):

“...Any readers who like your poems, doubt their judgement.” [...]

“Stay away from anything that obscures the place it is in.”[...]

“...make a poem that does not disturb the silence from which it came.”

Both Wittgenstein and Berry cut against the grain of popular priorities of content-creation, audience-building, beating the algorithms and cutting through the noise (again, to what end?). Instead, they throw open a window to the generous gifts and glories of a life lived in obscurity.

Andy Goldsworthy

Andy Goldsworthy’s work re-convinced me that art has power. That it is able, for those with ears to hear and eyes to see, to create or reveal a different way of inhabiting the world, of inhabiting one's own humanity. My introduction to Goldsworthy was a documentary by Thomas Riedelsheimer called Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working With Time. I watched tall stone cairns being built on the beach, slowly and carefully, only to be disassembled by the gentle but unremitting incoming tide. I was transfixed by bright yellow leaves stitched together and set loose along a creak, moving like a lazy water snake, wending around rocks and logs and gradually twisting and breaking apart. Balls of bright red dust thrown into the air to form dissipating crimson clouds; delicate stick-curtains collapsing at the breath of a breeze; one-ton snowballs on a London summer day, melting to water and then to air.

As Westerners we tend towards a conception of beauty that is extremely specific, a precise and particular point in time: the crest of a wave, a flower that's just bloomed, a new car rolling off the truck at the dealership, a man or a woman at twenty-five... But Goldsworthy's work does something different. It includes these moments but also folds them into something larger. One begins to see the whole story of a thing, from its initial conception all the way to its inevitable fading or destruction, and all of it is beautiful. This changes everything.

I recognize in myself a preference for the promise of a thing more than the reality of a thing, but as I interact with Goldsworthy’s work my understanding of beauty is slowly and gently disassembled, like one of his beach cairns. It is replaced with a widened aperture, a more charitable and hospitable read of the people and the world around, and I'm welcomed into a more generous way of being.

Ornette Coleman — “What Reason Could I Give” (from Science Fiction)

Jane Austin’s Mr. Knightley says to Emma Woodhouse, “If I loved you less, I could talk about it more...”

All I can say about this piece: I’m fully convinced that this is what angels sound like.

[hallowgroverp]

                                               O U T  O F  C H A R A C T E R

NAME/ALIAS: nat AGE: 28 PRONOUNS: she/her TIMEZONE: EST ACTIVITY: I think a strong 7 because real life sometimes gets real hectic. TRIGGERS: n/a

                                                  I N  C H A R A C T ER

DESIRED SKELETON: Amethyst CHARACTER NAME: Leyla Demircan AGE: 33 BIRTHDATE: October 30th GENDER & PRONOUS: She/Her OCCUPATION: Detective SPECIES: Witch FACECLAIM: Melisa Pamuk

                                                  D E V E L O P M E N T

PAST:

You can’t exactly remember how it all began, some days you close your eyes and see yourself twenty years younger, running into your mother’s arms with tear stained eyes. It’s a distant memory, it looks and sounds like you but it’s a whole different world. You don’t recognize your surroundings or the faces behind your mother. All you know is that it feels real, too real yet your mother says she has no recollection of such a memory. Once more you try to get it out of your head and go about your day. It’s been years and still it comes back to haunt you, the memory, the dream — whatever it is. 

Growing up your house was empty, it felt like home but something was always missing. It was just you and mom, it’s always been you two against the world and you wouldn’t change a thing. She raised you on her own, taking up as many shifts as were allowed at the local pharmacy, leaving you dinner in the fridge most nights to heat up once you were home from school. You vowed to work hard and be someone, anyone, as long as you were able to take care of your mother so she wouldn’t have to work so hard, so you could spend more time together.

PRESENT:

Your dreams came true. It wasn’t surprising with how hard you worked for it. You skipped school parties, days blending into nights as you tucked yourself away studying. Things somehow came easier to you whenever you really put your mind to it. Year after year, goals were set and reached and your mother no longer had to work. Promotions at your work place until you landed the detective position you had been desiring since day one. Life was just how you had planned it, but as with great news sometimes bad ones tag along too. Your mother’s illness came too suddenly and unexpected; it wasn’t long before it was just you and the priest at the funeral. This was the moment realization hit you fast and hard; you were left all alone. She never spoke about your father and there were no other family members you knew of. The only person you had abandoned this world and solitude became your only companion.

Your job became the only thing that mattered. After all, what else did you really have? Case after case, you were the go-to person for it all. It wasn’t like Hallowgrove was crawling with crime, but the small things that did turn up every once in a while everyone looked up to you to get done. It was no surprise the same was expected when the Mayor’s daughter washed up on the lake. This was the first real crime you had encountered during your career. Everything about it seems odd, none of the pieces fit together like the usually do to you. And for the first time in your life, you are clueless as to how to solve this strange puzzle.

TRAITS:

+ Clever    - Stubborn + Logical   - Obsessive  + Curious  - Moody

[doctorharley-md]

horror renaissance aesthetic edition

Tagged by: (I stole this from @belladoniic c:)

Tagging:  i don’t feel like tagging anyone but do this and then tag me as having tagged u in it so i can read urs pls (also i put it under a read more cause it’s long ur welcome)

the vvitch: the darkness of a cluster of trees. a crackling campfire. the snap of a twig underfoot. the sound of children’s laughter. a sense of kinship with animals. isolation in the wilderness of life. fighting to free yourself from repression. cutting ties with toxic family members. feeling lost, alone, and afraid in the forest of your own emotions. the feeling that something – or someone – is watching you.

it: the refreshing feeling of summer vacation. spending time with your best friends. the feeling that something important is missing from your life. waking from a nightmare in the middle of the night. the sick feeling of missing a step while walking up the stairs in the dark. thinking you see something moving just out of your line of sight. cotton candy. red balloons. a shiver running down your spine.

mother!: a sense of peaceful isolation, relief in solitude. the spike of anxiety upon being thrust into an unfamiliar situation. feeling protective over the things that are yours. a tumultuous turn in a relationship with someone you love. smoke billowing from a roaring fireplace. a thunderstorm raging outside an open window. the gutwrenching sound of a baby crying. your heartbeat pounding in your ears as your blood boils.

annihilation: embarking on a new adventure. the pursuit of knowledge and truth. the discovery of something you don’t quite understand, but want to. something strange and powerful running through your veins. sheer otherworldly beauty. the lump in your throat when you know you’ve done something wrong, and want to make up for it. the aurora borealis. a rainbow across the sky in the wake of a terrible storm.

halloween: a flickering jack-o-lantern on a front porch. distant sirens. being haunted by your past. a constant sense of vigilance. the sound of shattering glass. living like it’s the last night of your life. coming together to protect the people you love. a secret passageway. feeling the need to look over your shoulder as you walk home alone at night. blood staining your clothes.

hereditary: the creeping dread of walking through your house alone in the dark. dark family secrets, buried and then brought to light. strained family relationships. the feeling of something crawling on your skin. fear so suffocating that you struggle to breathe. an eerie light coming in through your bedroom window. losing your head. a heavy depression that threatens to destroy you.

suspiria: a curtain of long hair spread out across a pillow. the comforting touch of a hand against your cheek. a close circle of friends. music that carries you to the point where you just can’t help but dance. the thrill of having accomplished one of your goals. great power hiding behind innocence. straining to try and remember something you’ve forgotten. extending your hand in friendship and solidarity to others.

midsommar: a garden of brightly colored flowers bursting into life. a beautifully embroidered dress. dancing hand in hand. flowers braided into long hair. paint smeared across blank pages. billowing smoke. pristine white cliffs. the feeling of being left out of an inside joke. herbal tea. a close sense of community. letting go of painful memories and toxic relationships and moving forward in happiness.

us: feeling a disconnect with what you see when you look into a mirror. finding catharsis through dance. coping with trauma. hiding secrets from the people you love. fearing rejection. the haunting sight of an empty street. an ominous silhouette against the horizon. the lingering, unwanted connection to someone else. the rush of adrenaline as you run. rabbits. letting your past finally die.

black swan: the tune of the main theme of swan lake played in a music box. fighting and destroying yourself. going too far in order to find perfection in one’s art. a neurotic tendency which effects your mental state. black wings. losing innocence through sexual encounters. the haunting sound of wind instruments imitating the sound of swans. losing yourself through the music. the tragic story of the swan queen.

helter skelter: obsessed with one’s own beauty. feeling like your time is running out. flashing lights from cameras. the sound of the clock ticking. the abuse of drugs that make you unravel. feeling like you’re being forgotten by the world. mirror mirror, on the wall. the ugly reality of plastic surgery. manufactured beauty. a romantic partner that uses you to climb the social latter. the color red. dirty secrets let out by someone you trusted as revenge. disappearing into obscurity.

Sympathy for Lady Vengeance: an angel passing over a quiet dinner. red eyeshadow. being punished for someone else’s crime. getting revenge from the person who hurt you. spiritual transformation during isolation and imprisonment. pure as white snow. taking the blame to save your loved one. promising to never sin. singing happy birthday with a candle-lit cake to ghost children. reuniting with a child. snow falling during the night.

[delicrieux]

l o v e { young!sirius black x reader }

warnings; sensitive topics

words; 1400

prompt; hi um could u do a young Sirius x shy fem wheelchair reader imagine were the reader is insecure and thinks no one will love her because of her disability but gets proven wrong with lots of fluff and a kiss and the reader gets embarrassed when the marauders walk in also the reader thinks its some crewel joke at first because she doesn’t think I guy like him would love her also id like to know how the marauders were to reader and Sirius as a couple I hope u can do this it would mean a lot xxx ( anon )

a/n; just throwin this out there. i hope no one takes this personally and doesn’t think i touched on the subject too lightly or not light enough, i dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but it is what it is. sending love and positive vibes your way. also, sorry for the wait xx

MASTERLIST KO-FI. WRITING CHALLENGE!

You did not think someone will ever like you, let alone someone as popular and as carefree as Sirius Black himself.

You might be a little introverted, livelier of emotion rather than conversation, not forward though bashful. The sunflower colors of your uniform inform as much and the batch of parchment and books you always have in your grasp only confirm the suspicion that you fancy the company of a good book rather than a housemate or such. You were a sight for sore eyes in a social gathering mainly because you never attended those and an interesting conversationalist once a person looked past the shield of innocent eyes and red cheeks.

But this shyness did not come sudden and unexpected, no, it is the root of something that is a permanent part of you. You cannot walk. Perhaps you glanced away from a cute boy because you felt too open, perhaps you blushed like a rose from hearing a compliment because you did not feel like you deserved it, perhaps you chose solitude because you believed that that is the only way to avoid rejection. For what? For being a different shade of blue than the rest. You have friends, they love and cherish you, but the primal fear of rejection makes you recoil and think twice about engaging in chatter or accepting to accompany someone to the Green Houses. Loving oneself is the most difficult task in the world, and you came realize so early on.

You did not expect to be approached one leisure spring afternoon. The sun was at its peak and the heat and humidness of the rapidly approaching summer tinted the air along with pollen and flowers and freshly cut grass. A small patch of gravel mixed with grass, the very shore of the Black lake, was the only place where a cool breeze could be found and the gentle sway of tall trees growing just by the water provided a pleasant shade. You felt hot in your uniform, under the soft flowery blanket covering your lap, under those dreaded rays of the sun that created mirages on the skin of your knuckles. You exhaled. The lines of the book swam for a moment and you closed your eyes, feeling a bit lightheaded. You leaned back into the wheelchair and felt your skin coat with sweat. Perhaps you should leave and cool down inside. There are plenty quiet corners inside the castle. Your thoughts halted and startled you opened your eyes, turned your head sideways and let a nervous tremble shake your body as you noted the rapidly approaching figure. You had heard footsteps, but hoped that no one was coming for you.

Upon closer inspection that familiar figure melted into tar black messy hair and a cocky smile that belonged to no other than Sirius Black himself. He was not your friend. Merely an acquaintance, a boy that everyone knew in Hogwarts, along with James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. He had talked to you a few times, for reasons unknown– your lives are drastically different and you would prefer to keep that distance. He was charming, from the very first moment you had laid your eyes on him charisma was practically pouring out of him. Though knowing of him and his reputation, you had ordered yourself to focus on something else, at times someone else, to protect yourself from the fate of all of his ex-girlfriends – heartbreak. Not that someone like him would be interested in someone as shy as you, you thought.

He smiled. You were unsure was it the temperature or the rapid thumps of your heart that made your skin crawl with heat, but promptly you turned away from him and watched the water ripple. You heard a soft chuckle but refused to acknowledge him. You should have left when you had the chance.

“Well, it’s nice to see you too, (Name).” A faint moment of surprise – does he actually remember your name? A pleasant flutter of a smile made its way on your face and you glanced at your lap; you heard him find a seat next to you, the grass crunching below him as he did. “What you reading?” His question made you perk and you glanced at him: he sat cross-legged, curiously staring at the book in your lap with his head tilted gently to the side. He almost resembled a puppy.

“Oh, uhm…” Your voice came out rasp and you cleared your throat, the tips of your ears started to sting from the heat and you looked away again, “The Metamorphosis…I’m not sure if you had heard of it, but it’s pretty popular in the muggle world.”

He shrugged, “Nope. What’s it about?” He sounded genuinely interested and you couldn’t help but be slightly proud.

“It’s about a man.” You said quietly, “One morning he wakes up and realizes he turned into a bug.” Your tone fell a bit flat, “Following this…his work rejects him, even his family does.” He sat silent, in thought and open to the rawness of our voice. That was highly considerate of him, frankly you didn’t think Sirius Black had a considerate side or a side that enjoyed English literature. “It’s one of my favorite books.” You added to lighten the mood.

“Why?”

You gulped, fiddling with the paper pages and letting your fingers slide the inked surface, “I suppose I can…sympathize with the main character.” There was a smile in your voice, though he failed to catch one on your face, “Sometimes I feel pretty paltry too.”

If there is one word that would describe Sirius Black, it is persistent. Ever since the two of you shared that oddly intimate conversation he could not, for the life of him, stop thinking about you. His eyes would often search for you in the Great Hall, around a group of Hufflepuffs, or in your favorite places. Some might say he went out of his way to find you, to proudly recommend some novels, to sit next to you in class and jinx paper airplanes to land into your lap or hair (with no ill intent, of course).

James Potter smirks and shakes his head lightly while Remus sighs. The two friends watch as Sirius idly chats with you, his voice hushed but excited, with a smile so bright he could hardly contain it. James nudges Remus, motioning to their best friend, “Just look at him.”

“Smitten.”

“Completely.”

|*|

He stole a kiss from you right after the first autumn rain had melted away. You sat frozen in place, unable to process anything other than the triumphant beats of your heart, the adrenaline rush and the pleasant buzzing sensation that began in your lips and spread like wild fire thought your body. The night’s air started to creep through the cracks in the windows and the world fell still before crashing back into motion. A flustered Sirius leans out and catches your gaze along with the meek breath of air that threatened to escape your parted lips. He gulps, straightens himself and runs a shaky hand through his hair. He seems surprised. Possibly just as you.

It takes you a moment to catch your breath and once you did the fever of thoughts rushed you so quick any words that were to slip out halted; dazed, you slowly look away from him and blankly stare somewhere over his shoulder. He kissed you. Sirius Black kissed you and now stands in front almost terrified, unsure whether he made a grieve mistake or not. It would be wise to ease him, to let this happy feeling flow through you and set you free, but you can’t stop replaying the taste of his lips.

A wheeze of a laugh draws your attention and for a heart stopping moment you think he is laughing at you, “I…” He trails off, “I probably should’ve asked you first. Rather than just…” Your gazes connect and you gulp. A smoldering blush fries your cheeks, the tip of your nose, even the sides of your ears and you bite your lower lip. Sirius cracks a smile, “I-I, well,-“ It takes a second for him to collect himself and before you know it, he is back to being the playful and cocky self. He grins. “First night as being my girlfriend, (Lastname).” He winks. “Better get used to surprise kisses.”

[j0sgomez-blog]

By Michael Lanza

That first full day was a hard one.

We had hiked less than an hour into the backcountry of Grand Teton National Park the night before, camping in the dense forest surrounding Phelps Lake, where we saw mule deer grazing at dusk and the wind howled through the dark night. In the morning, probably tired from the long previous day of traveling to Jackson, we got a slow start under packs heavy with too much old, oversize gear. The sun starts baking the open lower section of the Death Canyon Trail by mid-morning; so our gorgeous hike beneath soaring granite cliffs and along a roaring cascade quickly also became a hot, dusty climb.

Death Canyon is not the kind of place its name conjures. One of the several major east-west-oriented canyons carved deeply into the eastern front of the Tetons, pouring creeks into Jackson Hole and the Snake River, Death Canyon abounds with life. We saw deer, moose, lots of birds, and black bear scat. On the long ascent of the canyon’s headwall to Fox Creek Pass, we practically waded through vast meadows of wildflowers.

Death Canyon Shelf on the Teton Crest Trail.

And it only got better from there. Knackered from the miles and the alpine sun and not yet acclimated to the high elevations, we nonetheless felt pulled along the Teton Crest Trail over Death Canyon Shelf, a 9,500-foot bench sandwiched between a three-mile-long, 500-foot-tall cliff and the deep trench of Death Canyon. Boulders as big as small houses lay strewn about this tableland, their sides and edges so neatly squared off they look quarried. After pitching our tents near the rim of Death Canyon, with a view of the jagged Tetons unlike anything these native Easterners had seen before, we tried bouldering on those massive rocks, but discovered they had edges that sliced like razors.

After watching the sunset slowly paint the peaks golden, we turned in for a well-earned crash. But one of the locals decided to interrupt our rest. During the night, I heard heavy clomping just outside our tents, and unzipped the door to see a bull elk almost close enough to lean out and touch it, staring back at us as if trying to discern what manner of beast lay before him. In the frosty early morning, we sat on the rim of Death Canyon with binoculars, counting upwards of a dozen moose several hundred feet below us on the canyon floor.

  Hi, I’m Michael Lanza, creator of The Big Outside, which has made several top outdoors blog lists. Click here to sign up for my FREE email newsletter. Join The Big Outside to get full access to all of my blog’s stories. Click here to learn how I can help you plan your next trip. Please follow my adventures on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Youtube.

  I fell in love with the Tetons on that first visit, almost 20 years ago, when three old friends and I backpacked from Death Canyon Trailhead to Leigh Lake Trailhead, including a stretch of the Teton Crest Trail. It’s step for step one of the most gorgeous mountain walks in America, a true classic offering all the elements of an unforgettable adventure: views of the incomparable skyline of the Tetons and deep, wide, glacier-scoured canyons flanked by enormous cliffs; wonderful campsites, wildflowers, mountain lakes and creeks; and a good chance of seeing moose, elk, marmots, pikas, mule deer, and black bears.

That’s why I keep coming back.

  Click here now to get my e-guide The Complete Guide to Backpacking the Teton Crest Trail.

  Alaska Basin, Cascade Canyon

Incredibly, the scenery kept improving as we hiked north, following the Teton Crest Trail across the polished granite slabs of Alaska Basin. At Sunset Lake, I noticed the pointed crown of the Grand Teton jutting up above a notch in a band of cliffs rising over the lake. That view stuck with me, and every time I’ve passed that spot since, I’ve looked for the Grand peeking at me through that notch.

We paused for a long look from 10,372-foot Hurricane Pass at the tiny Schoolroom Glacier and the green speck of its meltwater lake, and the Grand, Middle, and South Tetons lording high above the enormous cliffs and patches of green in the South Fork of Cascade Canyon. Years later, on another hike through that canyon, I would notice dirty glacial ice visible in cracks in the dirt and rocks covering much of the barren uppermost reaches of the canyon, the buried ice extending well beyond the Schoolroom’s obvious boundaries.

Bill Mistretta above the North Fork of Cascade Canyon.

Near a campsite in the South Fork, we shivered in an icy creek and watched whistling marmots scurry around on talus. From our campsite in the South Fork, we hiked out-and-back up to Avalanche Divide, another pass well over 10,000 feet, overlooking the emerald waters of Snowdrift Lake in Avalanche Canyon, below the long, formidable cliff band identified on maps simply as The Wall.

We then knocked off the toughest day of our journey, going from the South Fork of Cascade over to Paintbrush Canyon, including the hot, arduous climb over 10,700-foot Paintbrush Divide. But on a trip where the scenery just seems to keep getting better every day, this day may have been the zenith. We cooled off—actually, went mildly hypothermic—in Lake Solitude. And we managed to avoid tripping and falling off the trail zigzagging up out of the North Fork of Cascade Canyon, despite the distraction of staring down that U-shaped glacial trough at the arrowheads of the Grand Teton and Mts. Owen and Teewinot rising more than a vertical mile above it.

On our last night in the Tetons, camped in Paintbrush Canyon below cliffs streaked with geologic strata, I lay awake for I’m not sure how long, listening to tremendous gusts building from high above us and growing in volume for several seconds before slamming into our trembling tents with a roar like a train passing close by. I had not yet heard the term katabatic winds, but when later I learned what it meant, I remembered that night.

  I’ve helped many readers plan an unforgettable backpacking trip on the Teton Crest Trail. Want my help with yours? Find out more here.

  The Teton Crest Trail on Death Canyon Shelf.

The Crest of the Tetons

The Teton Crest Trail presents a couple of innocent deceptions. First of all, it does not stick to the Teton crest, if there even is one contiguous crest linking these densely packed spires and boulder heaps. That would require rock-climbing gear, advanced skills, and a high degree of emotional comfort with seeing a couple thousand feet of air beneath your heels. But the Tetons do follow a north-south orientation that, at least on a map, forms something of a crest. And the Teton Crest Trail follows the course of the range, mostly sticking to alpine terrain, but also traveling through two of the most spectacular clefts ever carved into granite, Cascade Canyon’s north and south forks.

  The Big Outside helps you find the best adventures. Join now to read ALL stories and get a free e-guide!

  The other misleading notion is calling the trip a trek of the Teton Crest Trail—it’s merely a good, simplified description and the name approximately describes the journey. But it is not strictly that; because the TCT lies deep in the mountains, hiking it requires linking with other trails as well. The good news is the variety of options for trips of different length and character created by accessing the TCT via trails leading up some of the range’s parallel, roughly east-west canyons. Granite, Open, Death, the main Cascade, and Paintbrush Canyons are all worthy destinations, as are the canyons in the adjacent national forest land that access the trail, including Phillips, Moose, and Teton. Or begin at the southern terminus of the TCT, off WY 22 just east of Teton Pass. You may discover, like me, that one hike here is like one potato chip: not nearly enough.

Can’t Get Enough

Since that first trip, I’ve returned to the Tetons some 20 times—and counting—backpacking, climbing, backcountry skiing, and taking long dayhikes on pieces of the Teton Crest Trail and the various feeder trails that access it. One of the most enjoyable was one of my most recent: taking my kids, then age eight and six, on a three-day loop of Paintbrush and Cascade Canyons—their first backpacking trip in the Tetons—capped off with a sighting of two big bull moose on our last day.

  Dying to backpack in the Tetons? See my e-guides to the Teton Crest Trail and the best short backpacking trip there.

  After so many visits, I still haven’t grown jaded about these mountains—I can’t seem to get enough of them. There are peaks and climbs still on my tick list, and hikes I want to repeat with my children. I’ve explored many corners of the range, but still consider a multi-day trip on the Teton Crest Trail one of the finest adventures in America.

  Tell me what you think.

I spent a lot of time writing this story, so if you enjoyed it, please consider giving it a share using one of the buttons at right, and leave a comment or question at the bottom of this story. I’d really appreciate it.

  See my story “5 Reasons You Must Backpack the Teton Crest Trail” and my story about backpacking a section of the Teton Crest Trail with my family and a couple of old friends. And get my e-guide The Complete Guide to Backpacking the Teton Crest Trail.

THIS TRIP IS GOOD FOR beginner to intermediate backpackers with a moderate level of fitness—the more fit, the more you’ll enjoy the harder days. Backpacking experience is less critical because trails are obvious and well-marked, so anyone capable of reading a map won’t get lost. Summers often deliver stable, frequently sunny weather, though one of the challenges is the afternoon thunderstorms (see Concerns below). Other challenges include acclimating to elevations generally between 8,000 and nearly 11,000 feet, and protecting your food from bears (see Concerns below).

Teton Crest Trail Trip Planner

. . .

[nemesis-nexus]

Full Pink Moon 2019

AVE the Ancient Family; protectors, providers, guides and overseers, hear us! The Earth is beginning to awaken from the extended frost of the Season of Death, a slow process this year but one that will occur in its own time! The trees are barren yet they remain strong, much love to the Dryads who are working overtime to keep them healthy! For those who may not know a Dryad – also call the Lady of the Tree – are Wood Nymphs who watch over the trees - sometimes one, sometimes an entire grove – long story short their work is never done, not even in the Winter! It is amazing to think of how many other Beings are all around us all the time and yet seldom SEEN physically but you know they are their simply by the exquisite work they do with the flora and fauna!

As mentioned in my last sermon, the lesson of the trees is that no matter how desolate a situation might seem, if you stick it out, things will come around as they always do! The other lesson of the trees is that as tall and proud as they stand, they do not stand alone, with the Dryads to help them through, they are strong enough to withstand the weather no matter how cold it gets and to explode into blossoming beauty when the harshness of the Winter cold dissipates and gives way to the warmth of the Season of Rebirth! This lesson is to let people know that no man is truly an island, not even the lone wolves! Those who prefer solitude STILL must count on the herds to be around for hunting and the brush to be there to conceal their presence! We are all connected in the Hoop or Web of Life and without those that we rely on to be there when we need them, whether it’s another human or just the herds and the brush, we will surely perish!

This is why it is necessary for any tree that may need to be cut down, that an offering is given to the guardian and respect is shown before, during and after the cutting! Planting a sprout that will eventually grow into another tree to replace the fell one is also necessary as the guardian of the tree you took down will NOT take kindly to their home being taken from them but not replaced! This is why I have an issue with the lumber industry because a lot of the times, trees are cut down but NOT replaced which compromises the air and NOT just in the immediate area but for miles around! Another ongoing problem is the reckless disregard for the bee population. When ENKI and NINHURSAG created the Flora and Fauna, they made sure that EVERYTHING and EVERYONE was provided for and that all things would work in tandem with one another to keep the ecosystem going, however, that system is in serious breach and in turn, in serious jeopardy!

NINHURSAG tasked the bees with the extraction of pollen and the pollination of the plants and trees, but in recent days we are seeing the bee population dwindle to the point where they are facing extinction and why is this? Because people use poisons in their gardens instead of natural pesticides which the bees consume and if they make it, take it back to the hive thus poisoning other bees. People are also pulling up dandelions mistaking them for weeds that are choking their gardens or flowerbeds but the truth about dandelions is that not only are they a MAJOR food source for the bees, but that every single part of a dandelion is in fact consumable by humans! Pulling dandelions not only starves the bees but also deprives a human of a tasty salad or tea!

I don’t presume to speak for any of the Gods or Goddesses, but I can’t help but think that our Blessed Mother who gave us so much must cry tears of heartache and rage when she sees one group of her children treating another with such reckless disregard! Not just the bees, but the lives of ALL her OTHER children who suffer a result due to the serious lack of pollination because there simply aren’t enough bees left at this present time to do the job as thoroughly as they have been able to since the ancient past! We see the aftermath of this lack of pollination with massive droughts, withered crops and flowers and barely any grass or clover for Forest Dwellers to feed upon! This is unacceptable and has to change, our very existence depends on it!

NINGIZHEDA the Great Healer has also been working overtime, trying to help compensate the ecosystem and help some areas adapt to the changing climate, but he cannot do it alone! We humans need to WAKE UP and face reality that our ONE JOB was to take care of the planet, to only ever take what we need, use all we take, show the proper respect for its sacrifice for our survival and to replace it so that Life can continue to thrive! Instead we have humans taking MORE than they could ever possibly use or consume, wasting VAST amounts of it including food (when there are SO many starving who would eat even just the CRUSTS of a pizza just so they wouldn’t feel the pangs of hunger, even just for a few hours), cars (there is nothing wrong with having a couple vehicles but there are people who have an entire FLEET that NEVER get used, they just SIT there collecting dust) this is not only a waste of raw materials but creates the need for a place to house them which is usually a either a large garage or parking lot. In either case it requires the Earth to be paved over and sealed off from the sun and the air! Multiple homes that they don’t occupy very long - sometimes not at all, they have them because they had too much money and needed to spend it on something - when there are so many homeless that have a hard time getting a job due to the fact that they lack an address! These houses oftentimes fall to ruin and overgrowth of actual weeds that in turn choke out the life of any viable plant that a bee or another insect or animal might have feasted on for their own survival!

ENKI, Virile God of the Sweet Waters, I can only imagine the frustration he feels every time he looks at the lakes, rivers and oceans and sees just how well his children have taken care of the gift that he and his wife gave us! The drugs and other things that are flushed by individuals to the toxic runoff of industrial plants that intoxicates the water to the dumping of materials such as car tires, machine parts, plastics of ALL kinds that result in the strangulation and suffocation of marine life of various varieties including the anemones and coral reefs that fish feed on and utilize to hide from other predators! I saw a video of a sea turtle with a plastic straw jammed so far in its nostril that it took a TEAM of humans to remove it! There are whales that are washing ashore with stomachs FULL of plastic garbage! Richard Branson was curious what was at the bottom of one of the deepest areas of the ocean just to see what kind of marine life – if any – would be found so far down; he didn’t find any marine life at the bottom of the hole, the water pressure is simply too strong for any life form to handle (unless of course you are from the Abz-u of course!) What he DID find was – you may have guessed it – plastic garbage of all kinds at the very bottom of one of the deepest spots of the ocean!

Again, I do not presume to speak for any of the Gods or Goddesses, but also again, I can only imagine the level of disappointment and betrayal ENKI feels when he not only gave us the gift of existence but also the gift of REDEMPTION when he put his own neck and station on the line to save us from the deluge only to have the human race turn around and offer him THIS as a “thank you”! Is THIS how we show our gratitude when someone puts their own wellbeing aside to ensure our survival only to have us turn around and kick them in the teeth with our arrogance and egotism?!

This is in no way acceptable behavior from a race that likes to fancy themselves as gods! I can tell you right now NO HUMAN – myself included – is a god! How do I know? How godly are we when we don’t care what happens to the very Home that enables us to exist? How holier than thou are we when we treat ALL things - plants, trees, animals, other people - like they are only there to be used up and then discarded? How superior are we to anything when we treat EVERYTHING as though it is our right to lord ourselves over it – even Nature itself? How advanced are we when can’t seem to understand the basic needs of our Natural World to the point we act as they don’t matter but want to throw a fit when our favorite foods are no longer available because all the bees are dead so there is no honey or wildflowers or fruit trees? How great are we when we allow the blasting of Natural formations that are home to several animal species, the use of sonic detection underwater that compromises and even kill any marine life that gets in the way, the deforestation that cuts down the woods further and further back but humans want to whine about coyotes, bears, bobcats etc “invading” THEIR backyards and in some cases hunting down their animal companions as dinner NOT because they are overly aggressive but because they are simply applying their natural survival instincts but the humans demand these animals be SLAUGHTERED anyway even though if the human did not destroy these animals habitats, these animals would never have bothered them in the first place?

If we were truly godly in ANY context, we would not act as though we can “do without” any part of the ecosystem nor would we act like we are above the Natural Order! If we were truly godly we would be planting seeds, restoring the forests, cleaning up all the waters AND KEEPING THEM CLEAN NOT DUMPING COAL MINING DEBRIS IN THEM! If we were truly godly we would not be so apathetic to everything else in existence, instead we would exalt it and treat it with the same, if not MORE, regard and respect we would want for ourselves because ALL life matters! There is not one part of the Natural World we can survive without, if that were the case then neither ENKI nor NINHURSAG would have put it here! NINGIZHEDA would not be constantly trying to prevent the extinction of any more animal, insect or plant species! To quote Morgan Freeman as Principal Joe Louis Clark from the movie Lean On Me “We RISE, We FALL, We SINK, We SWIM, WE MEET OUR FATE TOGETHER!” in other words NO ONE is innocent! The ones directly causing the damage are as guilty as can be, but those who ENABLE or ALLOW it to continue will be judged just as harshly for refusing to WAKE UP to just how dire our situation REALLY is, who choose to keep their heads down and turn a blind eye because they either can’t or otherwise won’t accept the truth!

At the end of the day, when the sun sets on the human race for the last time, what will we have become? I believe that we are all Stardust, energy beings that were implanted in flesh suits so that we could live here in the literal paradise ENKI and NINHURSAG created and NINGIZHEDA maintains, when our mortal coil unravels, our flesh returns to dust and our Spirits return to the Qi until such time as it is reformed and ushered along to its next state of existence. However, how can this occur if we allow the annihilation of the planet that sustains us? The reality is the Earth does NOT need us to survive, in fact, at the rate we are going, it would be MUCH better off WITHOUT us! Our Great Mother can (and will) shrug her shoulders and cast us off of her if we don’t start treating her with all the Love and Respect that she has given us since second one! She, in fact ALL of them and I don’t mean JUST ENKI, NINHURSAG and NINGIZHEDA, have been VERY patient with us up to this point but that patience is running out and their compassion wearing VERY thin and I don’t blame them one bit!

Now is the time of the Pink Moon, so named because it’s the time of year when the wildflowers and berries start to bloom and blossom creating a beautiful symphony of color and texture and visual splendor for all to enjoy! The animals still in hibernation come back out and the forest is once again thriving with the hustle and bustle of squirrels running amok, beavers cutting fallen branches to make dams, deer return to the meadows and it’s all such a spectacular sight to behold! Who needs flashing lights and loud cacophonous electronics when you have a pollution free sky full of stars to take your breath away and the sound of a running stream take hold of your soul and reconnect you to this wondrous world we ALL call Home? I admit, I like my cell phone to keep in touch and to play the occasional game, but it will NEVER take the place of the magnificent display that only the Natural World can provide!

Now is the time for the human race to come out of its self imposed trance of materialism, distraction, apathy and disconnection and to reconnect to that which really matters and makes all the difference in THIS world and EVERY other – our Spiritual selves! We have lost the “connector cable” (our sense of self and personal responsibility) that hooks us up directly to the “Motherboard” (NINHURSAG, ENKI, NINGIZHEDA and the rest of the Ancient Family) and it shows! Our egos have gotten so out of control that some of us don’t take care of ourselves let alone each other or anything else in existence and again, it shows! How do we reconnect? The answer is simple but is certainly NOT easy; for starters we need to recognize that without every part of the ecosystem intact and NOT polluted we are simply poisoning ourselves and everything else thereby causing a slow death for everyone! We need to acknowledge that if we cut down the habitats of big cats, wolves and bears, that they ARE going to come wandering our way, not because THEY are trespassing but because WE are guilty of stealing THEIR homes! We need to stop judging other humans based on skin color, ethnicity, country/city of origin, socioeconomic status, mental illness or physical disability and learn to embrace one another as the diverse group of HUMANS that we were created to be! If we don’t do this then we are doomed to be the engineers of our own destruction and I for one have no intention of going out like that!

Like I said, the solution is simple but not easy, especially for the older generations who don’t know any other way but with the help of the younger generation CAN learn that there is in fact another way to look at things! Remember just because we may not be here 50, 75 or 100 years from now, OUR DECENDANTS WILL BE! So for those who have YOUNG children or grandchildren or great grandchildren (or even nieces, nephews or friends with kids) the attitude that WE won’t be here is assuredly UNACCEPTABLE! Unless you can look any ONE of your kids in the eye and tell them directly that THEY DON’T MATTER, then you better damn well start acting like they DO! Remember, our actions say more and speak louder than our words EVER will and what WE do NOW will have a significant impact on what THEY are able to do TOMORROW – like be alive because the ecosystem can still sustain life and because Mother hasn’t kicked our asses off of hers! This will take a concentrated effort and EVERYONE needs to do their part just like they should have been doing all along! There is really no reason why things should have ever digressed this far and gotten this severe but we are here now and the only way to go is forward! We CAN do this if we all just leave our egos at the door and work together! AVE NINHURSAG! AVE ENKI! AVE NINGIZHEDA! HAIL THE WHOLE FAMILY, EACH AND EVERY ONE ABOVE AND BELOW!

“A Call To Armistice

They say to make peace we must prepare for war,

I ask all these humans, what are we fighting for?

Are we fighting for oil? For riches? For fame?

Are we fighting to stay ahead in mans selfish game?

Do you not understand or simply choose to stay ignorant

While the Earth screams with each blow that you deliver it?

Do you care about anything at all or is everything fodder?

You are stealing the future from every son and daughter!

What’s even more perplexing that you don’t understand,

Is that all those health issues you have are by your own hand!

In pursuit of materialism you unleashed poison in the Water, the Air, the Earth,

Not comprehending that you’ve also been consuming it since birth!

But all is not lost, no this battle is far from over and done

We still have a chance, this fight can be won!

If instead we all choose to stop fighting and step back,

To see who it is that is suffering when we’re on the attack!

When we realize that it is not just us, but our bloodline and existence,

We have no choice but to rebound with full on persistence!

The will to live and thrive is possessed by one and all

All we have to do is answer the call!

The call to lower our swords and stop the onslaught,

To remember what it is that we’ve all been taught!

We are all born with memories of existences passed,

Each life we lead takes its lessons from the current and last!

If we are truly to recover our Home and reconnect to the Family,

We need to realize we are ONE even though we are MANY!

We each have a role and we each play a part,

We are all well embraced within the Dragons Heart!

But we cannot stay there if we continue to fuss,

The time will come when they’ve had enough!

So on this Full Pink Moon Night in the name of Justice,

I remind everyone we are all Family and send a Call of Armistice!”

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)

AVÉ THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

AVÉ IGGIGI! AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS! HAIL THE GREAT SERPENT!

HPS Meg “Nemesis Nexus” Prentiss