#look when i said id support him even if he destroys everything i mean it

[kaeyachi]

Short Fanfic

Having been separated from the rest of the party, including Paimon, you and Kaeya decided to traverse the ruins of Khaenri'ah together in hopes to meet up with the rest of the group along the way.

The exploration, so far, has been going well- suspiciously well in fact. Before the party got separated, several groups of hilichurls and abyss order members were scattered around the place, and with how close each group of enemies were, it felt like the fight was never going to stop for a moment.

Suddenly, it's as if all enemies were nonexistent at all. You are unsure if you are going in the right direction all of a sudden...

Kaeya walks ahead of you, seemingly more familiar with the place. He might have been here before.

You let him guide you. He clearly knows better at the moment, and you trust him.

You both continue onward for several minutes. The path grows dimmer, and the area rapidly becomes cooler and far more quiet than before. All you could hear were both of your footsteps and your own breathing. It was unsettling.

He takes a sharp turn, leading you to a cavern. You could barely see anything, but with the faint light still available, you could catch sight of the telltale signs of a familiar enemy.

Startled, you started to back away and take out your sword. The elemental energy to manifest it lit up the area. Archons...the room might be full of ruin guards.

You dart your eyes back to Kaeya, who continues to march onward, unbothered by his surroundings. None of the ruin guards awaken.

'Are all of these inactive?' you wonder to yourself, stashing away your sword, dimming the place once again. You attempt to catch up to Kaeya, who was nearing the halfway point of the room.

You never did quite catch up to him.

He reaches the center, triggering some kind of mechanism at his feet. Hundreds of ruin guards light up simultaneously.

Your heart drops as the area lit up brightly with their eyes. That's far too many, and you're not sure if the both of you could survive this if you stay any longer.

"Kaeya! We need to run NOW!" you yell in a panic, ready to run to your companion to drag him out of the cavern if necessary - but then you see his face. He was... smiling?

That's when you realized...none of the ruin guards are aiming at him...

...they were all aiming at you.

[st4rgzer]

STICK SEASON matt sturniolo

genre: angst and just a bit of fluff at the end

summary: you have some unfinished business with someone you’ve missed more than you’d like to admit

cw!: self deprecation i think?

a/n: feeling very Noah Kahan ish

I went to Vermont to my parents house in a desperate attempt to find some comfort in anything, my childhood house came close to what I needed, even if the sad pink wallpaper pasted on my wall was peeling off, the bed, rusty, and the springs tired of supporting groups of chatting girls, or the mirror dusty from not having anyone stare into it to do their makeup for a while now, it still brought me a little bit of relief to have proof that I was once in a better place.

But now it was time to go “home” or at least what used to be home, now home has a different meaning. I’ve always struggled with selfishness, always having angry tendencies so I directly remove myself from the situation in order to avoid any nuisance I might provoke. Matt helped me. He saw the good in me as I saw the good in him, showing me that yelling isn’t the only way one can be heard, gentle words, whispers and sighs, worked effortlessly with him, everything envolving him meant being engulfed endlessly in light and sweetness. Now I’m stuck between the anger and the blame I can’t face, I tried to just remove myself from the situation.

“We can fix this please, I can fix this, I can change”

“I know you can, but I can’t be here, I don’t want to watch you destroy yourself, I’m tired of this”

That’s when he just drove off and left our future to the right. Rightfully so, I tend to play the victim, I’m trying to change, for him.

The phone dials again and the familiar voicemail appears, he used to call me forever now he can’t even call me back. I’m in Boston and I don’t think they’re home, but I’m terrified of knocking on their door.

Until I wasn’t. My body suddenly became 10 times heavier as I tried to drag myself to their doorstep, tempted to just run off and catch the next plane to nowhere. But I had to do this, for him, for me.

knock, knock, knock

One, two, three

The door opened and I was greeted with a very surprised Matt, he looked different from when I had seen him last, not in a bad way.

“what are you doing here” He blatantly said, quickly, he realized how brute he’d been and rectified his wording

“-i’m sorry, Hey y/n, what brings you…here?” He furrowed his eyebrows slightly as I began talking, it seemed my voice startled him, after all, it had been some time.

“I wanted to talk to you” I said, trying not to seem too stern. I had a habit of making situations more complicated then they had to be. He sighed and opened the door for me to walk through, the smell of bath and body works candle Nick bought for one of their videos (i’m sorry icba to use the pink sands reference) brought me back to the long movie sessions we’d have on their family couch, Mary Lou would bring us christmas cookies grannies would buy, I bought those last week, they didn’t taste the same.

“so um- long time…” He said walking behind the couch, creating some distance between us. He put his hands in his pockets and pursed his lips, I don’t think he was very happy to see me.

“yeah” I bit my inner cheek. Id come here to talk but I couldn’t seem to find any words right now, I wish it could be like it used to be, I wouldn’t have to say anything, he’d know what was wrong, he’d find the words for me.

“Matt I-” I took a deep breath and tried not to make a joke out of myself. “I know I have no right to show up at your doorstep unannounced, well I did call you but- that’s not the point. I’m sorry, yes that’s what I wanted to say, I’m sorry, and I’m sorry for fucking everything up and showing up in your life again and that’s not fair but I needed you to know I’m not a bad person, I’ve made mistakes and I can’t even say how sorry i am for hurting you in any way possible but I think about you everyday. I mean I see you everywhere, I see you when It rains, I see you when I discover a new song then I remember you recommended it to me, and I mean, I think what we had, what at least I thought we had, was something, you know? Now i see you mother and she doesn’t even remember me.” I inhaled sharply, my words spewing faster than I could breathe. I couldn’t figure out what Matt was thinking, if it was good or bad, well, I think in this situation it couldn’t be very good, one can hope.

A minute of silence passed by, the only sound that filled it was our steady-ish breaths, we looked at each other as if we were having a telepathic argument, however that would work, I thought telling a joke would ease the tension, I missed his laugh, maybe I’d get to hear it once again, but I don’t think i’m funny anymore.

“y/n…” My eyes were wide as I clawed into the couch in anticipation, not knowing if the next hour I would spend crying or whatever the other option was.

"I missed you too" his words were doubtful, he questioned himself, uncertain in wether he meant them or not.

“yes, I missed you. Maybe that’s bad, maybe I’m just a masochist, that, or you’re just engraved in my brain” He chuckled, his laughed remained the same, at least some things are how I remembered.

“so…you don’t hate me?” I said cautiously, analyzing his words in my mind to see if he really said what he said.

“I don’t think so, I’ve never hated you I don’t think. I couldn’t hate you, y/n, even if I tried, and trust me, I tried” His words almost seemed fake as I tried to fathom them, a puzzled look on my face that seemed to amuse Matt.

I nodded, not quite knowing what to respond just yet, or how to continue with the conversation. Figuring out any hidden meaning behind his slight smile, maybe everything was just really in my head, well, at least some part of it.

“I told Mary Lou you were going to be in town, I listened to you voicemails” He paused, looking away, almost embarrassed.

“I was nervous for you to come, I didn’t know how to feel exactly…But I definitely haven’t forgotten about you, the other day Chris accidentally bought two hats online, one was yellow, your favorite colour, is it still you favorite? Well, Nick reminded us”

I smiled. It was weird to hear that my name was thrown around in foreign conversations, I thought it may be a taboo here.

“It is. I’m glad, was Chris able to return the hat?” I said, thinking I sounded stupid to get that from the conversation instead of the important part, I tried to spark conversation.

“I kept it.” He said quietly, I smiled, a feeling of pity lingered in my stomach.

“I know this might be a long shot but, do you maybe want to get lunch, or coffee, or something with me? I’m in town till next week, if you want of course” I said, trying not to fumble my words, hoping to make things work, or just at least leave them a little better.

“sure”

A sudden childish excitement filled me, a feeling I had missed so dearly, a feeling I had when I was with Matt, as I could see.

“ok, text me?” I tilted my head, hopeful, relieved when he nodded. Saying things like this so casually still unsettled me slightly but I’ll try to ignore the feeling.

I guess lunch it is.

taglist: @gaytoadwithapopsicle @dwntwn-strnlo @oneirophobic @20nugs @iha8you @lovelysturniolo @stvrni0lo @ssturniolo @ifilwtmfc @gabbylovesreading @lvrsparadise @strniolo

[theparadiseproject]

How GEORGE PEREZ Saved WONDER WOMAN From Becoming a ‘Raunchy Sex Object’

x

George Perez: I didn’t realize until I came into the office of the then-editor Janice Race, and they were putting together a new Wonder Woman book, that there wasn’t a single woman working in that company — and you’re talking about a company whose publisher was a woman! — who was happy with the direction they were going to go in.there was just part of me — the inner feminist in me — who was really bothered that she was just kind of being thrown out.I mean without naming names, when I saw the artist who was going to be on that, I said, “The man is more used to drawing stuff like a Penthouse magazine.” Every woman will vilify this — the premier female character, and we’re going to make her into a raunchy sex object? Oh God, that is the worst direction you could ever take for this character!So, I had ideas for her. I was inspired by Walt Simonson and his take on Thor and by Ray Harryhausen. If you’re looking to challenge the gods, fighting skeletons, hydras, I figured what if Wonder Woman were done, before CGI, by Ray Harryhausen? That became a focus for me.Also, one thing that she is not supposed to be — she is not a female version of Superman, she is a character of mythology. Karen Berger agreed and said, “She’s a fantasy character; she’s not a superhero in the strict sense of the word. She’s a fantasy like Sinbad, all the great stories and myths, she’s a mythological character. Let’s play with that.”I said I also needed to clean up her mythology because she was a mixture of so many Greco-Roman plus modern (influences). I said, “Let’s go back to classic Greek and let me do what I can with that.” And I didn’t realize at the time that ever since the death of (creator) William Marston and H.G. Peter, the original artist on Wonder Woman, there hadn’t been a single writer or artist who ever volunteered to do that book. It was an assigned book. No one wanted to do Wonder Woman. I was the first person — particularly at a time when I could have asked for any possible project and they would have said yes to it.

Title should be "How Perez Ruined Wonder Woman for good."

Finding this old article from 2019 before Perez passed away is him simply recalling everything that I have spoken about with his work on Wonder Woman.

He was more concerned with the women in the office and the supposed negative fallout among women in the audience with the character than he was with the actual character herself.

The editor that he worked for only reaffirms his bad decision to take the most iconic and quintessential female super hero in the genre and relegate her to that of a fantasy hero, totally misconstruing her character, and destroying the few good changes that had happened prior to the Crisis on Infinite Earth event that lead to this new reboot.

It was always obvious from the comic itself that Perez was more interested in his political leanings and own ideas for an 80s fantasy themed story feature Ancient Greek aesthetics and Greek mythology than he was in modernizing a faithful and earnest version of the classic character, but hearing him affirm the obvious is good.

He even turned down an artist that apparently drew the character like a "sexual magazine" as if that wouldn't align perfectly with the original career and art of her Golden Age artist H.G. Peter.

He clearly did not have the character's best interest at mind and was more concern with including the sensibilities of people that the character was not mean to appeal to.

While she certainly supported women and spoke of women empowerment and had many important explorations of gender and women in modern day. She was never a feminist, not meant to appeal to people who had issue with sexual art.

It was clear from their own misrepresentation of the character that those in charge did not have Wonder Woman's best interest in mind and it shows. Even the mythology he wrote was horrible and clearly just scrapped together for his ideal fantasy background.

This explains why the fandom is more interested in bad Greek Mythology and feminism than anything that is actually related to the character.

[wigglebox]

People ignore nuance in sexuality and want to build their ideas of others in their minds while simultaneously trying to to give labels complete rigidity with no wiggle room. One of the major things the aspec community was talking about before we got ran off the site was how you don't need to redefine your entire sexuality for other people, it's okay to experiment with people without attraction, and that you don't need labels, you can just exist, and anyone who *has* to have a direct label for another person and won't drop it is a red flag.

I remember people ripping apart the crew member who ID as straight but had relationships with men after the finale because people couldn't fathom not wanting to inspect and label every aspect of their sexuality and made jokes at his expense and saying he was lying to himself/was in denial. No, he's just... a straight guy who sometimes feels a strong connection with men and pursues that connection. He doesn't need to redefine himself because of that if he doesn't feel the need. (And the split attraction model exists as well, but that also got ripped apart and so many people haven't heard about it after the aspec community was destroyed on here.)

This was the first time Misha gave himself a label, and he was pushed to do so. I feel sympathy for him as someone whose been there, although not from a celebrity aspect. Combine that with people *needing* to label everything, and how everyone but those who fall perfectly into binary labels are often scrutinized, and here was are.

To be fair I'm not a big fan of that crew member wjefwaelfjaw lol

but I think yeah there's a nuance here we're all forgetting IMO. I have a friend who said he'd sleep with a dude bc he finds some attractive but he wouldn't call himself bisexual. There are bisexual people or other ambiguous queer folk who don't know where they fall but present straight to others because that's what they feel safe in doing and they don't know what else to do.

i think misha was comfortable being ambiguous and not having a label and unfortunately, it wasn't going to last forever, clearly.

like you said, it's the first time he gave himself a label after 14 years of knowing him, and he was forced.

and given his position, breach of privacy by starting to dive into his personal life in these articles, and the shit people were about to also face once journalists pried even more because some of them are just horrible people — anything less than 'i happen to be straight' is permission for a press feeding frenzy IMO.

he said he's straight, on the record publically and these stories stop. if that's what he wants publically, that's absolutely fine. but also like you said, there's nuance. there's always nuance.

and who knows, maybe he really is just straight as an arrow and all of our queerdar is wrong — that's also fine. it still doesn't negate all the good things he's done over the years and I still look at photos and videos of him and smile when I see him.

but sexuality can't be boxed in, it can't ever be boxed in. i think of the eugenia tree poem in his book. that poem is one of my favorite poems.

labels mean everything to some people and nothing to others. some need to label someone, and others don't. misha was fine being unlabeled for a long time, and I think a lot of us figured it was going to stay that way. the events of this weekend were horrifying for anyone to experience and I truly hope he is around people for support.

[jamespotterthefirst]

Gingerbread (Ethan x f!MC)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 900 Warning: N/A Premise: The competition is on when they each help their patients make a gingerbread house. 

Author’s Note: Just a tiny bit of Christmas nothing fluff. 

“No offense, Doctor Ramsey, but this is trash.”

Ethan is slightly taken aback by the unrelenting honesty in the statement, particularly coming from an eight year-old. Dropping the handful of gumdrops with a clang against the plate, Ethan peers down at the young patient with unguarded approval. He allows a small smile, especially when young Jayden circles their creation, a very serious expression creasing his brow. 

“None taken,” Ethan reassures him. 

The gingerbread house they had been working on is pitiful, to say the least, and the term “house” is a generous one. In Ethan's opinion, the monstrosity looks more like a sugary pile oozing frosting than a residence. 

“This is never going to win us the contest,” Jayden observes quite gravely. Ethan almost laughs, the severity in the child's statement reminding him of himself when assessing a case and making a diagnosis. 

Their eyes simultaneously fall on the half-finished creation on the other table. Already it is looking far more appealing and stable than theirs. 

“Angie and the pretty doctor are going to win for sure.”

This time Ethan does chuckle softly at the mention of Lilac, referred to simply as “the pretty doctor.” He can't exactly blame the kid. Ethan himself had mentally referred to her in a similar way before he gripped her ID card and learned her name. 

Ethan glances from Lilac and Angie's beautiful gingerbread house to Jayden, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

“I have an idea.”

Jayden picks up quickly because he grins widely, brown eyes glittering wickedly. 

“An awful idea?” 

“A wonderful, awful idea.”

Jayden can't help but laugh lightly at Ethan's reference. Even more amusing to the boy is the dramatic flair Ethan adds to every word, one he would never do for anyone else but his young patients. Then again, he would never decorate a gingerbread house with anyone else either. 

“Don't even think about it, Doctor Grinch,” Lilac announces as she enters the room, gently pushing a young girl in a wheelchair. 

“Yeah,” Angie adds, matching Lilac's accusatory tone. “Stink, stank, stunk!” 

Jayden laughs again and Ethan rolls his eyes, unable to contain the smile breaking across his face. Even more out of his control is the way his stomach flutters at the sight of his girlfriend, looking lovelier than usual in the midst of all the Christmas decorations adorning their surroundings. 

He wants nothing more than to kiss her, but with some effort, he reminds himself the gesture would be less than appropriate at a workplace and in front of two impressionable eight year-olds. She arches a coquettish brow at him, making it entirely too clear that she wants to kiss him senseless too. 

Instead, her eyes move to Ethan's gingerbread mess and she stifles a laugh. 

“Is that… medical tape? On your gingerbread house?” 

“I told you it was noticeable, Dr. Ramsey!” Jayden exclaims. 

Ethan assumes a faux challenging tone, crossing his arms and peering down at Lilac. “Got a better idea to fix the structural conundrum we encountered?” 

She mirrors his actions, except she looks far more adorable than he ever could. “Have you tried not being awful at making gingerbread houses?” 

Angie and Jayden both giggle. 

“That didn't cross my mind, no.”

“Well, take notes Dr. Ramsey. Angie and I are about to sweep the floor with you.”

“That so?” 

“Mhmm. We plan to thoroughly obliterate your gingerbread house.”

“What does that mean? Obliate?” Angie interjects innocently. 

“It means destroy.” Jayden's tone is helpful. 

His friend looks genuinely horrified. 

“I don't want to ruin their house,” Angie protests. “I want to help Jayden fix the tape problem.”

Lilac sighs in defeat but offers Angie a kind, proud smile nevertheless. “You're the sweetest, Angie. Jayden is lucky to have a friend like you.” She throws Ethan a smirk before adding, “Besides, Dr. Ramsey already made our job easier and obliterated that poor house on his own.”

Ethan takes full advantage of the fact the children are occupied with the gingerbread ruins of their house and wraps his arms around Lilac. 

“You're competitive today.”

“You love it.”

“I do.”

She turns in his arms to face him, raising herself to press a chaste kiss on his jaw. “I, in turn, love this festive Ethan Ramsey.”

A poor attempt at wrinkling his nose follows her words, but with Lilac is his arms, smiling fondly at him, he finds it difficult to feel anything but elated. 

“For my patients.”

Lilac nods once, needing no further explanation. 

“I still like seeing you in the Christmas spirit.”

“Enjoy it because it won't last.”

“Liar.”

Ethan laughs. 

“Fine. Maybe it'll last until we get home.”

Her eyes light up in a way that makes his pulse accelerate. 

“So we can finally lift the Mariah Carrey and Michael Bublé ban?” 

A genuine grimace from Ethan this time. “We're never lifting that ban. You've proven you cannot be trusted.”

“You love my singing.”

Ethan loves everything about her, terrible singing and all. 

“I love you,” he amends, kissing her knuckles and eliciting his favorite winsome smile. 

“Doctor Ramsey,” Jayden interrupts. “Doctor Lahela said the other day he's building a mansion with Connor. If that's true, maybe they'll win.”

“Doctor Lahela doesn't stand a chance,” Lilac responds confidently. “We're going to combine our houses to win this thing. Lahela and Connor won't know what hit them.”

The children cheer. 

“A common enemy. I approve,” Ethan says with a nod. 

“Let's obliate them!” Angie laughs.

____________________

Author’s Note: I wanted to get in the habit of writing again. Please bear with me as I get all these ideas out.

Also, I am actively working on the Picta series again, so I hope to have that chapter done sooner than later. Thank you to everyone for your support and patience! 

I hope everyone is safe an healthy. Love you all!

-Bree

__________________

tags: @openheart12 , @takeharryandgo , @trappedinfanfiction, @aestheticartsx, @aworldoffandoms, @paulfwesley, @myusualnerdyself,  @rookie-ramsey, @ohchoices,  @enmchoices, @i-bloody-love-drake-walker, @choicesfanaf, @openheartthot, @octobereighth, @nazarihoe, @utterlyinevitable, @kites-in-our-skies, @maurine07, @schnitzelbutterfingers, @doilooklikeiknow, @snesdudes, @kingliam2019, @perriewinklenerdie, @cinnamonspongecake, , @queencarb, @ethxnrxmsey, @missmiimiie, @jens-diamondchoices, @adamsdumortain, @apphia12, @kalogh, @lucy-268, @binny1985, @queenbirbs, @honeyandsunfl0wers, @newcolonies, @lilyvalentine, @rigatonireid, @interobanginyourmom, @parkerattano, @custaroonie, @nikki-2406, @lilypills, @chasingrobbie, @nooruleman,  @lonely-mxxnlight, @ruinedbypixels, @shadynaturehilariouscookie, @tsrookie, @mvalentine, @professorkingslay, @drakewalkerfantasy, @casey-v, @helloblueeyedcat, @mysticaurathings, @blossomanarchy, @thegreentwin, @togetherwearerapture, @rookieoh,  @rookiemarsswiftie, @natashajaniphilchoices, @mysticalgalaxysstuff, @hatescapsicum, @choices-lurker, @kiara-36, @junehiratas, @danijimenezv, @macy-ray85, @adrex04, @canigetanawwjunk, @sanchita012, @overwhelminglyaquarius , @scorpiochick8, @skylarklyon, @starrystarrytrouble, @mercury84choices, @drariellevalentine, @ethanrcmsey, @lion-ess24, @aarisa-frost,  @udishaman, @a-crepusculo, @quacksonlover, @caroldxnvxrs, @ramseyandrys, @whatchique

@varikasnuori, @dimitriwife, @genevievemd, @shanzay44, @fabi-en-ciel, @trebondialanna, @emotionalswift2, @lady-calypso, @ashiiknees, @dr-ramseys-rookie, @stygianflood

[caffeinated-cryptid]

you got an ego so big (it'll eat you alive).

roman-centric hurt/comfort (w/ remus, patton and virgil). 

11.7k words | AO3 link | warnings: self-hatred, semi-intentional self-destruction, various injuries, arguing, remus-typical jokes and topics.

“At the best of times, Roman’s job was a tightrope act between maintaining a healthy amount of self-confidence and the ability to adapt and take criticism. Throughout his life he walks this line many times, always with the expectation that if he were to fall one way or the other, no one would be there to catch him.

But sometimes when you’re up miles high, it can become difficult to see the safety net on the ground below you.

(aka an expansion on the premise that a bruised ego causes literal injuries and the issues this could cause when you're an insecure prince with a need to please and the weight of the world on your shoulders).”

------------------

To be overly aware of your own self is often associated with negative traits, such as narcissism, self-consciousness or a sensitivity to mistakes. Although to some with a proclivity towards the spotlight, it can become an inadvertent consequence of over-analyzing yourself in order to achieve those flawless performances. Naturally, gaining any sort of notoriety and attempting to retain that positive image means becoming intimately aware of your faults and staying open to change, taking criticism to heart all the while keeping relatably humble. On the other hand, it may also mean letting that same criticism become your one sole focus, tearing you down instead of becoming a rung in the ladder that's supposed to take you to higher places.

Roman often found that navigating these gray areas was a momentous task. To be proud of his work, but not be too unbearably egotistical to the point that it blinded him. To accept criticism but not allow the pursuit of perfection to destroy him.

His role was truly a balance; a thin tightrope he constantly had to traverse.

And on occasion, he would end up slipping.

------------------

I - bonds that tie us.

Roman first learned of his job as the ego when Thomas was young. With Remus at the helm of most of the subconscious and instinctual stuff as his id, perhaps he should've assumed that he would have a similar mirrored purpose beyond simply confidence, however it hadn't ever really come into play until one afternoon when the two of them were busy playing in The Imagination.

They had just concluded a close duel against each other and were putting their weapons away (cardboard ones, since Feelings didn't want them running around with real weapons once he found out they were using them to fight, and because Fear and Lies often fretted about them doing something stupid and getting hurt). Usually neither of them held the lead for long during their matches since they were so well-matched, but today Remus had won easily, which Roman chalked up to him feeling off ("Yeah right. Don't be such a sore loser." "It's true!"). Either way, Remus would be bragging about the victory until the next time they got the opportunity to duel, and that meant he was already rubbing it in as they prepared to leave.

On their way to the exit, Remus had taken the lead at some point and was throwing out ideas about they should do later when Roman unexpectedly paused and doubled over, clutching his head. Remus didn't notice that he'd stopped until he heard a groan and turned around.

"What's wrong? Didn't hit you too hard, did I?" He asked with a grin as if he assumed that Roman was still playing- perhaps trying to make up an excuse for his terrible loss.

"I- Dunno. My head hurts…" Roman cringed, eyes screwed shut.

Remus' smile faltered when he realized it might not be a joke and he walked back, peeling Romans hands away from his forehead. Underneath was a large red patch of irritated skin which looked set to bruise. His frown deepened because he definitely didn't cause that, nor did he witness any incidents during the day which would be the cause. "How'd that happen?

"Dunno!" He repeated, eyes going blank for a moment while he caught up with what was happening outside. The two of them were usually much too distracted when they were in The Imagination to pay attention to everything that transpired in the real world, especially on weekdays like this when Thomas would be in school and Creativity wasn't exactly needed during most classes. "...Thomas was told off for slacking in front of the entire class and he got some bad grades on his report card… He's feeling embarrassed, I think.

Remus was confused by how this was relevant until he pieced together that the two events were linked to what was happening to his brother. His eyes widened in realization before they settled into determination. "Then I'll fight him until he stops feeling bad."

That startled a laugh out of Roman, until his head started pounding and he cut himself off with a grimace. "...’Can't do that."

He laughed too, in hopes that it would lift Roman's spirits again. "Can too! I'll figure it out, then he'll be too busy worrying about his broken bones to care about what some dumb teacher said. Maybe then he'll get to skip school for a while and do something funner like-"

"Remus." Roman hissed over him, overcome with a sudden dizzy spell. His hand found Remus’ shoulder for purchase, which stopped his twin in his rant.

Remus stared at him in alarm. This seemed serious, and he didn't do too well with handling serious things. "Do... Do you want me to get Feelings? Or Learning? Or Lies?"

"No. None of them. I just wanna go home." He whined, leaning more and more against Remus for support.

' Home' in their case was what they called their shared room. It was where they always returned to at the end of a long day, and no matter what had happened, they could always feel their troubles wash away as they sat in their own little world once more. Roman longed for that feeling, to escape the too-bright sun of The Imagination which now felt like it was blinding him and just lay down for a while.

Remus nodded hesitantly, the plans he had spun of pulling a prank on Fear and Lies forgotten. Normally the two Creativities preferred to find the door of The Imagination manually (they claimed it made the experience more immersive when they were out on an adventure), but instead he reached towards the exit and the world twisted around them, ejecting them out together. They came out the other side back in their room, next to their bunk bed. Instead of climbing up to his bed on the top, Roman just about threw himself onto Remus' sheets. Somehow he managed to ignore the weird smell of the fabric that he always complained about, which spoke greatly about his current well-being.

Remus hovered behind him, unsure of what to do, when Roman let out another pained noise and curled up tighter. "What now?!"

"Thomas...parents.

Since that didn't really explain anything, Remus decided to check up on what was happening outside himself. Thomas' parents had asked to see his report card and they were giving him the 'not mad but disappointed talk', while Thomas was shrunk into himself in shame. Yikes, Learning mustn't be feeling too hot about this either. But right now his focus was on his brother, who the sight of in such a sorry state filled him with rage.

"Now I want to fight them too." Remus muttered darkly. "Take the knife from the kitchen that dad uses to cut up turkeys and make them stop talking forever. Then we won't have to deal with this again and you won't-"

Oh right, Roman was still injured. Focus, Remus. Concern. Right, he was concerned for his brother, who was hurting like he had never seen, even after their fights. What could he do about this? He was always so much better at destroying things than fixing them, so having to deal with a situation like this without any sort of guidance made him nervous.

"You can't hurt them." Roman protested weakly.

"Maybe if I want to enough I could!"

Remus walked around the bunk bed and settled down on the side Roman was facing towards. From this angle he could see new bruises spattered along his brother's arms. In a grotesque way, the different shades came together like a watercolour painting. Except instead of a canvas, they were on a body- Remus shook his head. Focus! He could draw sickly yellow and purple-inspired pictures later, when Roman would be in the mood to be more good-humored about it.

"You shouldn't, then. It's bad."

"...Alright then. What should I do Ro-bro?"

Roman cracked open one eye and looked at him. "Stay? Until Thomas feels better?"

Considering he was just grounded for the weekend, Remus wasn't sure how long it would take for this hit to Thomas' self esteem to blow over, but despite knowing this he nodded anyway.

"Okay."

He laid down next to Roman, not commenting when he hid his face against the covers and started sniffling, or when he eventually fell asleep, curled against his side like how they would sleep when they were newly-split. When Learning knocked in their door to tell them that dinner was ready, he made a weak excuse that they were busy and would eat later.

Without even asking he knew Roman would want this to be kept between them, despite how the others would undoubtedly fuss and nurse him back to health. And perhaps that was the reason why. His brother always wanted to appear infallible to the others and did so replicating the heroes from the stories they read, which often meant refusing to admit when he needed help and trying to do everything himself. If you asked Remus, he was trying way too hard to be like the Creativity that came before them, which was silly because they were different now and as they were, they needed each other.

Remus closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep too. This seemed like a big deal, so Roman's pride would have to pass eventually for him to seek help. Right?

------------------

II - even without dying you're dead to me.

In retrospect, Remus had underestimated Roman’s ability to keep a secret (maybe because he was so quick these days to run over to Feelings, now Morality, whenever Remus did something to upset him. Tattle-tale).

Now that they were older and their roles were more defined, their once shared-room had separated into two to adjust to this change. Even though it had been long enough that he should be used to the feeling of being alone, there were still times where Remus had to try to not let it bother him when he looked up at night, expecting to see the familiar underside of a top bunk and instead only finding the ceiling he had painted an underwater-themed mural on.

On nights like this, far too sentimental to enter a peaceful rest, they would go sleep in each other's rooms, saying nothing as they tried to pretend they were as close as they once were. Remus groaned into his pillow, fighting that annoying urge to seek comfort. He was a teenager now, he didn't want to be so attached at the hip to a side who had started looking at him with disgust and fear instead of the fondness they used to share. Sometimes he couldn't help it though, clinging to the days when everything felt simple and the biggest thing they had to worry about was finding time to create the things they enjoyed. At the very least he was glad that Roman didn't mock him for his occasional bouts of uncharacteristic sentiment; that would solidify for him that there were no remnants of the relationship they once had left.

With that depressing thought, he rolled out of bed. He couldn't sleep tonight so he was going to make that Roman's problem; that always cheered him up. Perhaps if he hadn't made such a disturbed face when Remus had talked about the brazen bull he had made earlier that day, he would feel a bit more sympathy for waking his brother up in the middle of the night. Buuut he didn't and he was feeling petty, so without a second thought he sunk out and into Romans room.

"WAKEY WAKEY~!" Remus clashed two cymbals together like one of those nightmare-inducing wind-up monkeys, only to belatedly realize the bed he was facing was empty.

He blinked, both in confusion and to adjust his eyes to the unexpected light of the room. Both of them may be night owls, but Roman would usually be asleep by 2am at least, and it was way past that hour. Looking around the room, his eyes latched onto the vanity where his brother was sitting, looking incredibly startled from the deafening crash of metal against metal.

"Get out!" He yelled once his shock faded into indignation, glaring at Remus.

Remus didn’t respond, staring at the medical supplies spread across the surface. Roman was in the middle of wrapping a compression bandage around his thigh, which he abandoned as soon as Remus had entered.

"Did you get something stuck in your ear again? I'm not in the mood to deal with you tonight, Remus. Leave ."

"What happened?" He blurted out before he could even think about the question.

"Doesn't matter. In case you've forgotten, the door's right there. Feel free to use it at any point."

Instead of complying (because when had Remus ever done that for anyone? No no, it was always more exciting to do the opposite of what people ask and see what happens), he crossed the room, ignoring how Roman increasingly looked like he wanted to punch him the longer he lingered.

"Bitch, it obviously does matter, otherwise you wouldn't be looking like you got trampled by a cracked-out horse."

"Lovely imagery." Roman gritted out.

"Lovely avoidance." Remus retorted sarcastically. "Aren't you best friends with Morality and Logic now? Why aren't they here sucking your d-"

"If you don't go back to your own room I'll run you through with my sword." Roman warned with an air of finality.

Remus snorted.

It was hard to be intimidated by the same side who had once cried when he had accidentally smashed an imaginary caterpillar cocoon with his morning star. In his defense he had forgotten to make the handle weighted when he first made it, so he was still getting used to the uneven distribution of the weapon...not like that stopped Roman from getting upset with him. Supposedly he had spent the last week trying to raise butterflies and wanted to show them off to Logic after they had learned about chrysalis in class, but Remus found that somewhat laughable considering he could just create a fully-formed butterfly if he wanted to. So he did laugh, calling him dumb for getting upset over nothing, and through tears Roman pushed him to the ground and told him he hated him for the first time. (After that, he may have spent the next week killing any butterflies that crossed his path, but that was neither here nor there. The point of this tangent provided a lá Remus Sander's brain was was that Roman could be a big baby and therefore he couldn't take anything he said too seriously.)

"Sounds like a good time! Save that idea for later though, because if you don't tell me I'll summon them over here to ask them myself."

"Don't. They don't know about this, alright? For once in your life can you just let it go?"

Huh. Remus tilted his head. It had been years since they first found out about the fun little quirk Roman had, and he just...never told? He figured at the very least it would be a good way to milk even more attention from the others; something Creativity had been seeking more often after Fear turned into Anxiety during middle school and gained a much larger role in Thomas' life. "Why?"

Roman huffed in frustration. "They don't need to. I can handle it myself."

"...Wow! Careful not to summon Lies, because you're full of shit and you know it." Remus fired back. He didn't even know why he was getting so mad. Minutes ago he was cursing his brother's guts for how their relationship had soured, and now all of a sudden it was if all of that dislike had faded into the background for something else. Concern? He hadn't felt concern for anything in years. Roman always made it seem like he could take care of himself, so that's what Remus had believed at first too, though perhaps stumbling across this situation was evidence of the opposite. Reasonable self-care didn't exactly look like 'patching yourself up at 4 in the morning'. At least, that sounded like something Lies would say which probably meant it was accurate.

"Ugh- Shut up. I've been doing just fine so far, without you or them, so you can take your fake pity and shove it up your you-know-where."

Remus didn't rise to the opportunity to poke fun at that statement, his mind going blank (and what a strange and unusual feeling that was). The idea that anything could have been hidden from him seemed unthinkable given how they used to tell each other everything. He hadn't even considered that that habit had become one-sided, given how it had never stopped being true for him. "...Roman, what does that mean? Has this been happening a lot?"

"..."

"Why did you never tell me?! This isn't something you can just keep a secret! If you won't say anything I will-

Remus' mouth snapped shut as Roman ejected him from his room. He landed back on his own bed and when he scrambled onto his feet to tried to rise up again, he found that his efforts were blocked. Roman had kicked him out and locked the door behind him. He never did that, no matter how much they fought or annoyed each other. It was the one thing they did that showed they still cared.

Remus trembled with adrenaline and shock. Taking his pillow, he summoned a knife and stabbed it and stabbed it and stabbed it until all of his pent up feelings were gone and there all that was left was the fluff covering his floor.

------------------

III - interlude.

As it turns out, he'd never get the opportunity to tell, because shortly after that, the newly appointed 'dark sides' were pushed away into their own corner of the mindscape after an explosive argument between the sides (during which Remus tried to ignore how closely Roman stood at Morality's side, sword brandished towards him. He didn't want to think his twin had a hand in their separation, even though it made so much sense).

When he argued about going back with Lies, now Deceit after being appointed the new leader of the unwanted and unloved, he was told through clenched teeth and pained eyes that he shouldn't. Not until Thomas was ready for him. For all of them.

------------------

IV - to the death of me, i'm just fulfillin' my destiny.

After that, Roman adjusted, and did so alone. Teenage years came with many challenges, ones he didn’t always escape unscathed. Despite the occasional rejection here, an unfortunate setback there, he felt as if he had grown a thicker skin for the trials they faced. Into adulthood he wore his ego like a suit of armor; Thomas was outgoing and likable, so of course it became easier to brush aside random negative experiences as minor blips, things that didn’t represent their worth.

This was challenged somewhat as he began pursuing creative outlets more seriously. This meant more work for Roman in general (Woo! Suck it Logan), but it also came with more opportunities to feel ashamed of a messed-up performance, embarrassed by a note sung wrong, hurt by an ill-intentioned piece of feedback.

So he tried to compensate at times. Sue him. Between the nights he spent nursing his wounds and wondering how to do better next time, perhaps he deserved to be a little self-congratulatory about the shining achievements he won for them. There was a certain safety in placing himself up on that pedestal, so high above that it felt like nobody could ever reach him; that he was above it all. But the reality was that this pedestal, gold-plated as it may be, was founded on an interior of paper mache, one wrong move from away from collapsing and sending him tumbling back down to earth.

It was a good thing that pretending came naturally to Roman. So natural that the fear of falling sometimes didn’t register with him at all.

------------------

V - the calamitous corollary of being considered.

Except, it may have been too much to expect nobody to ever realize there was something up with him. The fact that the sides had to work closely together alone meant that the excuse of being busy after every troubling experience could only work for so long.

The first one to find out was Patton, because of course it was. Sometimes Roman felt as if Patton wasn’t given enough credit for his intelligence. Even though he could be a tad slow on the uptake on other things, his ability to detect the slightest change in mood and discern how people were feeling could be uncanny at times. Emotions just happened to be Patton's strong suit, and while that was very much appreciated when it came to sharing excitement or talking through a heated problem, it was not so grand when you were trying to get away with hiding something.

The first time he let something slip was a few days after Thomas had been flat-out rejected when asking someone out on a date. It wasn't that big of a blow, considering they had barely known the guy for more than a month, but Roman had been insistent that they throw caution into the wind and give it a shot, sure that he had been receiving signals that proved that this guy felt a similar interest. Turns out, he didn't, and was very-much straight. At least the rejection had been somewhat carried out gently and he didn't seem too put-off about staying friends afterwards. Nonetheless the wound was still fresh, and Thomas kept internally cringing whenever he thought about it, which didn't help matters. Whatever. Roman dealt with the bruises that arose from the incident and dabbed a little foundation on the ones he couldn't hide with clothing. They'd get over it in a matter of weeks.

It was after the awkward feelings had finally begun to settle when it happened. Roman and Patton had been in the kitchen preparing dinner when Thomas received a message on his phone, and when he went to check it, he face-planted on the couch in mortification.

'Hey man, I just remembered that my cousin is coming to town this weekend. He's gay too so I thought you two could go on a blind date if you're still looking. :) Lmk your thoughts.'

Patton frowned upon sensing the sudden wave of embarrassment, pausing to check what had happened. "Well...That's thoughtful of him!" He chuckled, tone trying and failing to be positive. Roman couldn't share the same sentiment.

"Thoughtless is more like it! He wants to set us up with the first gay person he knows? Who's not even in the city?  Does he think Thomas has no standards at all?! How dare-" Roman's indignant protests cut off as he felt the skin around his collar grow tender and swell slightly. He let out a slight whimper when he pressed his fingers into the bruise to double check its location. Why now and in such a visible place?! He's going to get Thomas to drop that guy if it's the last thing he does-

"Ro! Are you okay?"

Right. Patton was still here. Don't panic.

"Y-yeah! I just remembered an injury I sustained earlier. But not to worry, 'tis but a flesh wound!" He joked.

"A flesh wound?!" Patton cried, reference flying over his head. "Let me see."

Gently, Patton moved his head upwards to get a better look at the bruise. It mustn't look good, because Patton, squeamish as he was, grimaced on sight.

"How on earth did that happen? I don't remember that being there just now."

"Uh." Come on Creative skills, work your magic. "A stray whomping willow in The Imagination? You know how they can be. I suppose it merely took a while to develop, bruises can be funny like that."

Luckily it seemed to work, because Patton sighed. "I thought you got rid of them all after that time one almost threw Logan into a lake. Did Remus make more?"

Heh. Good times. That was a slight lie on his behalf when he had told the others he had gotten rid of the trees; he had kept a few of them around because they were once a gift from Remus to quote 'spice up his boring forests'. Not for any sentimental reasons, of course, but because he thought it was funny and it kept him on his toes. "I guess."

Patton made a small 'tsk' noise, mouth still drawn in a frown but he didn't comment further. "Come on, I'll help you treat that. Does it hurt?"

"Of course not." He smiled. "Do you really think I could be bested by a mere tree?"

"Never! I do wish you were more careful when you go on your little adventures, though. It makes me awfully sad to think about you in 'pine'."

Roman knew it had been a flimsy excuse and even though Patton seemed to accept it, there was a hesitation in his eye which spoke of hidden disbelief. After some first aid and many more tree-related puns later, they went back to cooking, finishing up 30 minutes later. When Logan came down to dinner, immediately questioning the bandages around Roman's neck, he repeated the fake story, distracting him with a request not to go into The Imagination with the whomping willow around and packaging the thinly-veiled jab at the way Logan had once freaked out when he was swung around by the semi-sentient tree as a warning. Logan's concern quickly faded and he shot back a sharp retaliation that Roman didn't care to remember. He just laughed, feeling as light as a kite with the crisis averted.

The next time didn't go over as gracefully.

Thomas had found a different partner eventually, one that wasn't some friend's cousin. They dated for months, and just when he had been thinking about inviting his boyfriend to move in so he could be closer to his workplace, he'd been broken up with. On Valentines Day of all days. There was no better way of putting it; they had planned to go out to dinner, managing to book a table at a fairly classy restaurant, exchanged gifts, and near the end of the night his boyfriend had leaned across the table with a sad smile, thanking him for the evening before admitting he didn't see them working out anymore. He said it quietly, as to not cause a scene among the other diners, but that didn't stop Thomas from immediately bursting into tears. The scene had caused his (now ex) boyfriend to leave early after paying his half of the bill. At least the waitress had taken pity on him and brought over more complimentary bread rolls (which he took because he was not a complete fool, heartbroken as he may be), though even that didn't stop the confusion and embarrassment of it all.

As expected, the whole incident caused nothing but chaos; the right-brain sides were devastated, Anxiety was in a state of panic, and Logic had been metaphorically thrown out the window. As Thomas made his way home, they were at a complete loss for what to do. They had started the day, hoping to take a step forward in their relationship, and ended up with nothing at all. What worse is that they didn't even have a clear idea why (admittedly, that could have been due to, as mentioned before, the inconsolable crying).

It seemed like the most sensible thing to do at the moment was to throw the Valentines gifts away and gorge on the ice-cream that had been sitting in the back of the freezer for who-knows how long while watching a comfort show and trying to forget the whole evening. So that's what they did. As Logan tried to sort through what happened and rationalize what to do next, Patton wallowed in his misery as he dealt with the giant mix of feelings Thomas was going through.

After a few hours working through the brunt of it, enough to where his mind began wandering elsewhere, Patton realized with a start that he hadn't seen Roman since the start of the evening. He must have been so devastated too! Patton recalled how excited he was about the day ahead of them, how he spun fantasies of Thomas' boyfriend accepting the proposal to move in and then the future proposals that could come after that-

Patton mournfully sobbed. He needed to stop thinking about this, or else Thomas could start spiraling again. The best thing to do right now was distract himself, and to do that he should go check on Roman. Perhaps they could talk and have a mutual catharsis over the whole thing. Or better yet, he could put his energy towards someone else and he won't have to fall back into the thoughts that had been clouding his mind ever since they had left that stupid restaurant.

Splashing some water on his face to clear up some of the blotchy-ness, he left his room and crossed the hallway towards Roman's. He couldn't hear any noise coming from inside, so he tentatively knocked. "Kiddo?"

For a few moments there was silence, and Patton almost turned away, assuming that Roman might be blowing off some steam in The Imagination, until a voice cleared inside the room and answered. "Pat? What do you want?"

Patton was taken aback for a second, not expecting such a straight-forward answer. It almost sounded like Roman wasn't upset at all, but Patton sincerely doubted that to be true. His tone was almost too normal, and for anybody else he wouldn't have questioned it, but the lack of dramatics or flowery language was always a clear red flag for the Creative side. "I wanted to check on you since um- You-Know-Who took 'dine and dash' a tad too seriously." He chuckled humorlessly. "...Can I come in?"

There was some shuffling and muffled curses. "Why? I'm fine. Worry about yourself."

"'Why?'" He repeated, eyeing the door warily. "I'm concerned! I haven't seen you in hours and I- I know you must be upset about this too. Can we please talk?"

"I'm not exactly my most princely presentable self right now. Anyway, it's late. Surely this can wait until tomorrow?"

Patton looked down at himself. Instead of his usual garb, he had thrown on some more comfortable clothes hours ago, and they were currently crumpled from laying in bed, sobbing his eyes out. "I'm hardly my best-self either right now, Kiddo-" Before he could go on a spiel about how it was best to not bottle up emotions when they're fresh (and ignoring the hypocrisy of that sentiment), he heard a thump on the other side of the door followed by a quiet hiss of pain. Patton began to panic, and his hand flew to the handle. "I'm coming in!"

Before the other side could even consider protesting, Patton flung the fortunately unlocked door open and stepped into the room, gasping at the sight he was met with. Roman was on the floor, wincing as he clutched his leg. Although he was still dressed in his usual outfit, there were enough injuries on his visible skin that Patton could only wonder how far they went. He covered his mouth and stared in horror as Roman turned to look at him nervously.

"What- How did this happen?!"

Roman licked his dry lips, eyes darting away as he searched for an excuse. "I- The Imagination- This is from earlier-"

"You told me this morning you were going to spend the day helping Thomas write a love letter." Patton said, voice strained with panic and disbelief. "Tell me the truth, please."

Shoot, he had announced his plans earlier that day, hadn't he? He internally cursed his inability to keep his mouth shut, before lowering his head in defeat. "Can you keep a secret, Pat?"

Said side shifted uncomfortably, but his tone was resolute when he nodded. "If it means you'll let me help with whatever this is."

"Okay..." Roman inhaled. "Okay."

And then he explained. Or rather, gave a shortened version of the truth which was less likely to give Patton a complete heart-attack: that bruised egos were something he experienced, but it was never this bad (true) or all that common (also true), and that they weren't something to worry about because he could usually take care of them himself (technically true). By the time he had finished, Patton still looked concerned, but had become less frantic with the information.

"You'll let me help in the future if you need it, right?" He asked, so close to shedding tears that Roman had trouble keeping eye-contact without becoming choked up with guilt.

"If I need it." He agreed.

Finally, Patton smiled, and went to fetch the first-aid kit hastily. As he helped patch him up for the second time that year, the look in Patton's eyes was so pained that Roman vowed to let him see this side of him as little as possible.

For a while, he kept true to this promise to himself, and on the occasions when Patton would drop by to check if everything was alright, if Roman had encountered any bruised egos since, he relished in the relief on his face whenever he would lie and said he hadn't. Distantly he wondered sometimes if this was how heroes were supposed to feel; protecting people by letting them live in blissful ignorance and bearing the burden of the ugly truth alone.

(It was thoughts like that that kept him going.)

------------------

VI - high highs and low lows.

And then came the videos. Youtube had been an excellent ego-boost for Roman. Similar to how life-changing Vine was, the instant gratification of likes and feedback and people liking what they made was enough to send him over the moon, and oftentimes it was able to ward away the downsides that came with it too; the stress of staying relevant, the occasional hate comment, the portion of dislikes that didn't explain what about the video was dislike-worthy-

Overall it seemed like a great idea, especially when the sides became involved. It gave them all the chance to gain their own spotlights, which most of them appreciated. Sometimes this wasn't always so good though. With the videos came more introspection than usual, which meant deeply examining each problem to try to find some kind of moral. And right now, Roman didn't want to do any sort of thinking exercise about how badly he messed up. At this point in their career, a simple audition should have been a cake walk, instead it was an ache walk...Okay, admittedly he wasn't on his best game right now. The point was, he had potentially thrown the whole audition by forgetting something so simple as the lyrics, and now the casting director would definitely only remember Thomas by the way he froze under pressure, which wasn't exactly an appealing trait in somebody looking to go up on stage where the pressure was set to 100.

After everything was said and done, Roman had no choice but to approach Patton for help. In his current state, he was much too dizzy on his feet to even contemplate showing up and trying to play it off cool, which would've been an laughable endeavor anyhow considering how outwardly embarrassed Thomas was. Betrayal from his own-- well. It was a bit too harsh to blame his current predicament on Thomas, after all the fact of the matter was that it was Roman’s fault for not being better prepared.

Anyway, that's how he ended up in his current position, being swaddled in a too-warm bed, injuries patched up and having soup spoon-fed into his mouth. The whole thing felt...strange. Usually during times like this he would be grinning and bearing it, the inner satisfaction he got from fooling everyone with his performance pushing him through the day, but he supposed this was unavoidable. It was better that only one side had to see part of the problem rather than exposing it to everyone, and out of all of them, at least it was Patton. It still didn't sit well that his secret was now out in the open, a throwaway joke to be used before moving along, but hopefully that would play to his favor and they'd view it as his usual dramatics. Not like he preferred to be seen as too incompetent to care for himself, even if it fit with his persona. He supposed it just went without saying that princes are supposed to have someone at their every beck and call, they're supposed to be indulgent and spoiled and ridiculous. But princes were also supposed to be leaders, someone who was caring and brave and ready to face any challenge.

Roman sighed, a wave of self-loathing washing over him. He didn't feel very princely at all right now.

“Kiddo, are you doing okay? Does something hurt? Is the soup too hot?” Patton asked, eyebrows drawing together in concern. He was such an open book when it came to the other sides, which meant that Roman knew exactly when he had worried or panicked the fatherly figure. Honestly, it only made him feel worse. Being doted over seemed like a good idea until it meant being the subject of pity and other people’s hurt.

“No no, I’m fine Padre. It’s fine. I was just taking a trip into thought city for a second there.” He cracked a smile, trying to ignore how the bruise at the corner of his mouth pulled at the motion. If only he could think of a more original nickname, perhaps that would be more convincing. He was simply drawing blanks today it seemed. “What do you think the others are up to right now? I’d bet 5 bucks Logan is losing his mind having to deal with Anxiety alone.”

Patton didn’t look entirely convinced, but the sudden change of subject encouraged him to stop any further questioning.

In the end they talked until the others had finished filming. Whatever happened during the discussion must have helped Thomas grow past his feelings, because one-by-one the injuries on Roman's body grew smaller until they had faded entirely. Seeing this, Patton noticeably livened up again, and he cheerily declared that he would take the empty bowl back to the kitchen and check in with the others.

As soon as he was gone, Roman’s face dropped, tired from all the smiling he had been doing, and he slid down further into the sheets. Perhaps he should consider himself fortunate that the others had helped out, but all he could think about was how they now knew about his biggest weakness and how embarrassing that was. Logan and Anxiety were the last two sides he wanted finding out about this, if not for their often-tumultuous relationships, but because they'd never fully understand. Neither of them were as dependent on validation as much as he was. Despite what others thought about them, they would just keep on going, meanwhile Roman couldn't truly thrive without some kind of feedback; he was too shackled to expectations and the need to please for that sort of self-indulgence, it was practically written in his existence. It simply wasn't enough for him to be great, he needed to be great and be appreciated. Without that, he felt as if he would burn out, like a candle who's supply of oxygen had been cut off, leaving only smoke and the charred wick behind as a reminder of the fire that was once there. And sometimes that made him feel pathetic, that so much of his esteem depended on what people thought of him. Other times it just made him envy the others who had no one to please but Thomas himself and what he deemed important.

...He was tired, but he needed to keep going. The least he could do was keep up the image of egotism so that those horrid thoughts of being lesser weren't picked up by the others. If they started thinking of him the way he thought about himself (if they didn't already), he wouldn't know what he'd do. He wouldn't stand to be pitied or mocked or anything that validated what he already knew about himself. He just wouldn't.

Rolling out of bed, he practiced his smile in the mirror, fixed his clothes, and sunk out to make his grand appearance.

He couldn’t let this happen again at all costs.

------------------

VII - an agreeable sort of self-destruction.

More and more often, Roman was glad that he and Remus didn't share a room anymore. From the nights he hunched over scraps of ideas and worked without distraction until the sun was on the horizon, to the days he woke up with tears clinging to his lashes and breath coming out in labored pants, until he realizes the dream about him messing up so badly that he's split apart a second time was merely a cruel trick of his mind.

Currently, there was no greater time to be grateful for their separation than the moment he hastily returned back to safety after Remus' debut to Thomas. If only his brother could see the way he paced back and forth and tugged at his hair, he was sure his other half would merely gloat and poke away at his wounds instead of doing anything to help. Or worse, use it as ammunition in front of the other sides as some sort of proof of his imperfection.

Speaking of, the video was disastrous. He had been out-cold the entire time so he had no idea what was said and had no way of directing the conversation at all, which was possibly the most aggravating part of the whole situation. Beyond that, there was so much that Remus could have told the others without his knowledge. Once upon a time, the two of them were two peas in a pod, and that meant they knew an unnameable amount of secrets about each other. (Like how Remus always used to sleep with this crudely-knitted octopus Roman had made for him when he discovered crochet. Remus claimed to have set fire to it when they were teenagers, but Roman had seen it tucked away on a shelf the last time he had been in his room, before the Great Divide). The room swam a little when Roman thought about it too much. Perhaps he was being paranoid, but it wasn't as if he'd done much to earn Remus' loyalty. Why would he take the higher road and keep all of that to himself now, when he had the prime opportunity right in front of him to make himself seem like the better twin?

Hold on... He was thinking about this all wrong. Remus didn't care about good and bad the same way he did. Sure he was adamant that his version of being creative was more interesting, but he never tried to convince any of the other sides that he was inherently better or more worthy of attention than Roman, at least not to the same extent he did. The realization hit Roman like a train on it's way to a damsel tied to railway tracks (for lack of a less Remus-y simile): had he been wrong to push his brother away when he was just trying to help? All this time he had expected nothing but the worst from him, all because he was loud and unapologetic and had gone about his concern in a way that frightened him. Though just because Roman had been scared, surely that didn't warrant the dark sides being pushed aside in such a manner, and clearly the repression wasn't any benefit to Thomas...And was that partially his fault? He had been the one who encouraged Patton to divide the sides up. He had come up with the name for them: light and dark.

When he really thought about it, there wasn't much 'light' about him, not when he had been the source of so many problems.

Making Virgil feel unwelcome and continuing to trample on his boundaries.

His insults toward Logan and attempts to diminish his importance.

Leading Thomas and Patton astray in his pursuits for romance.

Being too quick to side with Janus when he should’ve known that the deceitful side only stood for selfishness and not the fair-played ambition Thomas valued.

And now: his treatment of Remus for most of their lives. Pushing him away, pretending he didn't exist, trying to erase their memories together.

How could he have the gall to claim that he saw Remus as an awful reflection of everything he didn’t want to be, when the whole point of looking into a mirror means facing you and you alone?

Even his metaphors were hypocritical.

It was a shock that nobody saw through that statement or called him out on how he had wronged just about everybody. How truly unfortunate it was that he had been declared the hero when he had done very little to live up to that title. Heroes weren't mean. They didn't make people feel bad about themselves for merely existing. They're supposed to defeat the bad guys, yes, but every time he had thought he was accomplishing that, it turned out that he was always off the mark. At least this time he had it right with Deceit, but still, that didn't erase the history he had with misjudging what was acceptable. He couldn't help but wonder what sort of reflection that must have on Thomas' content. If his creativity, which was supposed to be a force of pure good, had made a countless number of errors, what did that say about the things they were proud of? How many things had they put into the world that were imperfect? That had a misleading message? That was problematic and hurt people?

The realization had his throat tightening in panic. How could he ever have confidence in his work when he had such a flawed system of right and wrong? How-

...Wait.

Roman's spiraling thoughts were fortunately put on pause as he passed by his vanity, being pulled back to reality in an instant and finally noticing the splash of colours that had made themselves welcome on his skin once more. He gaped at his own reflection. It wasn’t as if he was unused to the sight per say, but he hadn’t realized anything had happened today that would affect Thomas’ ego. Remus’ appearance perhaps? He had the feeling that if there was any discussion to be had in light of that it would be on the goodness of his character, which could be a worthy-enough explanation. But if anything wouldn’t that what the large gash on the back of his head (fittingly) represented? So where had the others come from? Unless…

Was it him?  

His own self-criticism had never left a dent on his pride before. Usually his injuries tended to be the result of outside sources; the kind of things that come out of nowhere and hit at you harder than you could ever expect. Did this mean that his own words were on par with Thomas’ harshest critics?

Roman shakily sat down. This... was a good thing, right? Perhaps he was finally gaining some self-awareness. He had been trying to make amends for where he had fallen short in the past, so this could be the sign he was making progress.

Yes. This was good. And if it wasn't, then perhaps this was just apart of his repentance. At this point he was sure everyone would agree.

------------------

VIII - the art of learning to let go.

The thing about tightropes is quite interesting. Like most other skills, it is something that needs to be honed. At first you try on a smaller scale and fall off more times you can count, but it's alright because that's why you practice in a safe environment. And then you progress to something more risky, and this time you have other tools to help keep you steady. Before you know it, you're up doing the actual thing; a rope suspended tens of feet in the air and thousands of eyes watching your every move, each one wondering if you really will make it across, or if they're about to watch a great tragedy take place before them. When you misjudge your own abilities and are thrust upon that rope when you're unprepared, however, all of the practice you gained can feel as if it has slipped away. As soon as you take your first step, the rope wobbles and you know somewhere deep down that your fall will be inevitable. But with so many expectant eyes baring into you, what else are you to do but continue forward? Continue until you're halfway across and your balance is so shaky that all you can do is watch as the rope swings backwards and forwards beneath your feet until you give up on trying to steady yourself entirely and-

Roman let go of the rope he had been clinging onto.

There was no grace in the way that he fell. It wasn't even a matter of choosing a side; ego or change. At first he fell so gradually that he didn't feel it at all, placing all of his thoughts and opinions into a neat little box and shoving them aside. Trying so hard to adapt, trying to be feel comfortable clinging to reasoning that contradicted his role, his meaning, his existence- and before he knew it, he was plummeting towards the ground because even then, that little piece of purpose he was forcing himself to mold his worth around did nothing but feed into the self-righteousness that must've always been there, hiding away under the surface.

Roman could only describe the feeling as air-sickness when he sunk out, his very being thrown into weightless uncertainty. Once he appeared back at his safe place, the place he wanted to be most, he felt his body connect with the ground once more as he collapsed onto the floor, body shaking with sobs and wounds he already knew were appearing.

He had been so stupid. Every step he took was littered with mistakes. Just when he thought he had learned, to try to be more accepting, to know when to give up, to listen to others instead of forging his own path, another thing came along and knocked him back to where he started and he was thrown back into the cycle of trying to atone for his actions. A cycle that never seemed to end.

His arm fractured and started to swell.

For once he thought he finally had it figured out. If he just followed the person who should've known what was best for Thomas, even if it meant going back on his own desires, surely then he would be on the right side for once. But all of a sudden that was wrong and now it was all his fault that so many bad outcomes had come about as a consequence of his lack of assertion. He may not have loaded the gun, but he had pulled the trigger, and that made him more culpable than anyone else.

His nose ached as if hit by an unseen force and began dripping blood.

Even his attempts at keeping his ego in check were all for nothing because the moment he felt threatened he lashed out towards Janus, the side who now all of a sudden deserved a seat at the table because he had gained Patton's favor (nevermind that he had agreed with him first. Oh no, that was just Roman being naive and easy to sway if only you stroke his ego a little. What importance could his opinions possibly have?). But that was the thing, wasn’t it? In the end he just couldn’t win, no matter what he did. When he tried to silence his voice it was too obvious and attention-seeking, and when he chose to project his thoughts it was too loud and abrasive. When he spoke out he was punching down, but when others did the same they were punching up up up. It left him wondering how much more he had to fall before it was no longer deemed okay to kick him while he was down. Was it his fault for choosing to sit atop his golden pedestal, making himself seem forever untouchable and unable to be hurt? And would things be different if he was sensitive like Patton? Complicated like Virgil? Respectable like Logan? Had he been making a mistake all along by pretending to be stronger than he was? But how was he ever supposed to let go of the walls he had built, knowing that the second they crumbled, all the things he had been trying to protect himself from would pass through and destroy everything he had worked so hard for? Maybe it was time to accept that this was all he could be; that there was no way for him to change, no way to soften his edges or stick firm to his beliefs that wouldn’t end with him in a losing position.

His ribs ached, bending unnaturally until he felt a snap in his chest.

Perhaps Janus was right by calling him evil. He had proven it time and time again that he was no good for Thomas. In fact, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that he was worse than Remus. At least he couldn't help the way he was, didn't have control over the problems he caused unlike Roman. He was supposed to be the half with all the bad parts removed. The 2.0 version, new and improved. He had no excuse for being as flawed as he was, not really. All this time spent thinking he was the good twin, and it was nothing more than an act of self-delusion. The grandeur of a side with nothing to show for it beyond his words.

His eyelid puffed up and mottled with colour.

...He was bad. Unneeded. Evil.

The capillaries across his knuckles burst and stained them a violent red.

Everything would be so much better if he just-

"Broman?" Oh shit.

Romans eyes flew open. And he realized belatedly that he wasn't looking at his floor; his floor had intricate Persian rugs and a soft fluffy carpet. This one had various stains and burns and felt scratchy against his fingers.

"What the fuck. Princey? You good?"

1) He wasn't in his room. 2) Wherever he was, Remus and Virgil were here too.

"M-my mistake! I must have accidentally sunk out to the wrong place. If you'll excuse me-" He tried, but his voice was hoarse and clearly not okay. Of all times for his acting skills to have failed him.

"Oh no you don't."

Before he could sink out through the floor, two arms latched under his armpits and hoisted him upright. He choked back a gasp at the sudden movement, senses flashing white as his injuries were jostled. He barely heard the shocked exclamation in front of him before the two voices discussed something hastily and he was deposited onto a soft surface. The ringing in his ears faded, just in time to hear Virgil speak.

"What happened? " He asked, voice layered with anxiety and sounding on the verge of a panic attack. Roman would have tried to reassure him if he didn't feel like his entire body was on fire.

"It just happens sometimes, when Thomas’ ego gets bruised." Remus answered bitterly when it became clear his brother wasn't in a position to explain. He then muttered under his breath: "Though this time is different, huh?"

"What? I thought- I didn’t know it got this bad.” Virgil whispers, horrified.

"Sorry you have to see this, Finding Emo." Roman croaked once he began slowly coming back to his senses. He would regret not being more composed later, but right now he couldn't really bring himself to care about anything. “I’ll be as good as Gucci soon.”

"No. Shut the fuck up, you don't get to say that." Remus said angrily. Why did he sound so mad? Roman tried to crack open his eyes to check, but the world was still spinning too much for him to really recognize what was he was seeing. On top of that it seemed one of his eyes was swollen shut. Joy. That'll make it more difficult to patch himself up later.

"'Told you before, I can handle myself." He finally managed.

"Yeah? Was that you 'handling yourself' when you dropped in and started bleeding all over my floor? Or when you stopped talking to me and kicked us 'dark sides' to the curb because your sense of superiority was more important? Or when you started acting like a royal prick to everyone just so they wouldn't know you spend your nights licking your wounds?"

"Stop." Roman pleaded, shamefully curling into himself as much as his body allowed in its current state. Remus paused in his tirade before continuing, more quietly.

"If you're uncomfortable just from that, you should try watching your brother slowly self-destruct for years and not being able to do anything about it. That's fucking uncomfortable." Roman heard a sniffle, and his body went cold. He hadn't heard Remus get upset since they were kids. Sometimes he forgot that there was more to his brother than his disgusting unpredictable persona, and the thought that he could've been hurting Remus all this time was something that had never even crossed his mind.

"I'm..." Sorry? Was he sorry? Apologizing was practically second nature at this point, but he couldn't even tell if the words would be genuine if he said them. Was he sorry for his actions or for hurting Remus, or was it the fact that he had been caught at all? If he had it his way, none of this would be happening, so perhaps he wasn't as apologetic as he thought. He really was the worst, wasn't he?

Remus seemed to pick up on what he was thinking about saying, because he laughed; not in his usual cartoon-ish way, but resigned and hurt. The sound pulled at Roman's heart. "Save it. Here's what's going to happen you Walmart Prince Eric knockoff. You’re going to accept our help whether you like it or not, and if you try to pull any self-sacrificing BS at any point, I’m going to eat your entire makeup collection.”

“...You wouldn’t. You don’t like the way glitter sticks to your teeth.” Roman argued weakly, just for the sake of being contrary.

“Try me.”

Roman sighed. He really didn’t doubt that Remus would be petty enough to go through with his threats, especially since he knew it how much it would bother Roman to summon a new set. In any case, he wasn’t in a position to do much of anything at the moment, and now that it was too late to pretend like this never happened, he figured he might as well roll with it. Future him could deal with the consequences later.

“Okay.” He said after a moments pause, looking to the Virgil-shaped figure, as much as the crick in his neck would allow. “...Just don’t tell Patton about this. Not yet.”

The figure shuffled, out of what was probably awkwardness after having watching the twins argue. “No worries dude. We’re not exactly on- uh. Y’know what, nevermind, I’ll just go get the medical kit.”

During the moments that Virgil had shuffled off, there was an empty silence. Roman spent it trying to blink his uninjured eye back into focus, until he was finally able to spot Remus standing across from him, an uncharacteristically glum look on his face. "You look like you're going to a funeral."

"Don't even joke about that. I don't need more thoughts about-"

"Death? I thought that was pretty par for the course."

Remus smiled wryly at him, sarcastic and mocking. "You dying, dummy. D'you think I never imagined it? Something happening and you disappearing because you never let anyone help you- and me not even knowing it happened? Finding out much too late? Being alone?"

Roman didn't know what to say to that. "Sorry." He blurted out, and this time he felt like he meant it. "If it means anything in retrospect, I wouldn't have ever let it go that far. I think."

"'You think.'" Remus repeated. "God, you need some self-care. It's a shame you and Jan-jan weren't friends before. It's supposed to be his job to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen, you know."

Roman felt himself flinch at the mention of Janus' name before he could control it. If Remus noticed, he didn't get the chance to comment on it, because at that moment Virgil came bustling back with a first aid kit.

"I didn't know what else you needed, so I got some water, balms, bandages, frozen peas, and creams. Just in case." He spoke, noticeably out of breath.

"Water?" Roman asked as a glass was held towards him. He pushed himself upright with some effort and accepted it.

"For painkillers." Virgil replied, handing him some pills once he had set the other items down. "Also your throat sounded kinda rough, and when you cry a lot you can get dehydrated, so..."

Surreptitiously, Roman wiped at his face and tried to not feel too embarrassed that the two of them had heard him wail like a toddler who'd had their favourite toy taken away. Before he knew it, he had taken the pills and downed half of the glass while the other two sides unpacked the medical supplies. Virgil really had thought of everything he might have needed.

Roman blinked as he watched them, stunned that he would go to so much effort. "This is very thoughtful of you, Medic Parade."

Virgil paused as he pieced together the nickname, and then scowled. "Mayday doesn't even sound anything like medic- and it's not. I just didn't want to- y'know- get the wrong things and make it worse."

Remus elbowed Virgil in the side, perhaps in an attempt to cheer him up. "Hey, you can't do any worse than what we did the first time Ro got a booboo."

"...And what was that?" Virgil's hesitant tone indicated he wasn't sure if he want to know.

"Nothing!" Remus grinned.

"I'm pretty sure that was just a concussion." Roman stated before Virgil got the wrong idea and thought they were totally stupid, looking upward as he tried to recall the incident Remus was talking about. It felt like forever ago now. "Not like anything could be done, to be fair."

"'Just'-" Virgil made a strange choked sound. "Is this what my life's gonna be now? Having a worry-induced heart attack every 5 minutes?"

"Welcome to the club!" Remus cheered, offering a fist bump which Virgil ignored in favour of burying his head in his hands.

"Goddammit. Alright- let's get this show on the road I guess. Roman, take your shirt off." When Remus' eyebrows started waggling, clearly about to make an inappropriate comment, Virgil waved his hands wildly to stop him. "So we can look at the damage! Shut your mouth Remus!"

"I didn't say anything." He intoned, looking overly smug before turning to Roman expectantly.

Said man frowned, placing the glass of water on the bedside table next to him. Before he made any move, he glanced at Virgil who was looking red either out of Remus-induced embarrassment or frustration. Mood. "You don't have to stick around for this part if you don't want to. It can be a bit much, so I wouldn't blame you."

"I'm not a baby, Roman." Virgil retorted, crossing his arms. "Making sure you don't die or something is way more important than my comfort. I can't promise you'll be safe from me calling you an idiot until you're better, though."

Roman looked away again. Was that condescending of him to ask? He opened his mouth to apologize, before closing it in resignation. No need to make this into an issue; he'll ask Virgil whether he felt belittled later. "...Okay. That's fair."

Instead of going through the pain of trying to remove a shirt with a possibly broken rib, he snapped and it disappeared. He heard a sharp inhale, but in response to what, he didn't know. Roman looked downwards to check. Among the remnants of previous attempts at self-healing (some messier than others), the area around his right rib was inflamed and a large portion of his stomach was splotched with purple. Noticeably, his left arm was also burning red, but luckily it seemed like the fracture there was non-displaced, which hopefully meant it would heal quicker. Other than that, there weren't any major injuries besides his black eye and bloody nose that needed attention. Could be worse, considering how god-awful he felt! 

Remus whistled. "You look like someone took a dalmatian and made it the colours of the bi-flag."

"Yeah. That's- weirdly accurate." Virgil winced. "What hurts most?"

"Uh- My arm and my ribs I suppose. They're a little... on the broken side."

"That's what I thought." Virgil muttered under his breath, grabbing the items to make a split. "I'll deal with those first, Remus you help with his nose and the bruising. And if you want to make yourself useful, hold these peas to your eye, dumbass."

"Your bedside manners are impeccable." Roman said sarcastically, taking the bag of peas and exhaling as he adjusted to the cold feeling pressed against his face. "...Here I thought there would be a grace period before you started calling me names."

"Just calling it like I see it." Virgil hummed. With deft fingers, he held the splint under Roman's forearm and began winding the bandages around it. "You should probably make an actual brace later when you're up to it, but hopefully this should keep it in place and remind you to not use it for now."

"But that sides my dominant arm-" Roman whined, about to complain about how he was supposed to get work done until Remus pinched the bridge of his nose none too gently, and he yelped. "Ow! Remus."

"Think of that as payback for the last 15 years." Remus replied lightly. "Tilt your head back."

Begrudgingly, Roman complied, resting his head against the headboard.  He stared at the ceiling as his brother and best friend silently worked their way around his injuries, applying topical ointment to his bruises and applying band-aids to small cuts. He didn't even realize they had finished until Remus bonked him on the head.

"All done! Shame it's not Halloween. You could go as a mummy again."

"Ha ha. What a comedian you are." Roman replied in a deadpan, but fought to keep a smile away anyway. The irony of how much he resembled that costume right now definitely wasn't lost on him.

"...I'm sorry for ruining that, by the way." Virgil spoke up suddenly from where he had been packing everything away, breaking the thoughtful silence he'd been in for the past few minutes. "Your costume during the Christmas video, I mean. And saying all of that harsh stuff to make a point."

Roman only stared, taken aback. "All of that happened half a year ago. I'm not upset about that."

"I know, I know. It's just... I've been thinking about it recently, all the times I haven't acted very...good." He bit his lip, averting his eyes. "Especially now, knowing that kind of thing literally hurts you."

"Virgil." Roman sighed softly, taking his hand. Virgil startled but didn't pull away. "You don't need to be 'good' all the time. Wasn't that the point you were trying to get across back then? All of us have made mistakes in our pasts, some more than others, but if you can forgive us for that, then you deserve the same acceptance for your less-than-stellar moments."

"Oh." He said, eyes glassy. His hand tightened around Roman's. "I'm still sorry, if I've ever made things worse for you or if I haven't been supportive enough."

"I- You have-"  Roman spluttered worriedly, sitting up.

"It's alright, I already know that we kinda work against each other at times. Part of the job." Roman's mouth closed with a grimace. "Still, it's unfair on you. You shouldn't be expected to perfect, especially not with an asshole like me there to tear into your work. So just...know that it's okay to tell us when you're struggling, okay?"

"Right..." Roman bit his cheek. Virgil seemed well-meaning, but showing that sort of weakness was a concept he still found difficult to accept, even if he had given in this time and allowed himself to be completely seen. Virgil noticed his lackluster agreement and patted him with his free hand.

"Hey. In almost any case we'd embrace you."

"...No one hates you."  Roman finished a beat later with a small smile. Virgil's face lit up and moved closer to his side. Upon seeing this, Remus unceremoniously squished himself between the two of them, careful not to bump against Roman too much (although Virgil definitely got the brunt of Remus crawling over him, to his dismay).

"Look at you two, my favourite dorks, bonding over feeling insecure!" He declared, throwing an arm around both of them. "Couldn't be me, but I still love you."

Roman poked Remus' side. "So that wasn't you admitting to being worried earlier?"

"Nope! New phone who dis?"

"You're insufferable." Virgil rolled his eyes fondly. "...I love you guys."

And Roman sighed contently, feeling safe and cared for. Things weren't perfect right now; he still needed time to heal and Remus and Virgil would undoubtedly want him to open up about what happened sooner or later, but for now he was was able to hear that he was loved and believe it to be true, and that was enough.

"I love you both too. Thank you."

[bionic-penis]

Here it is! Before we get into it I'd just like to say that I sent this all in discord and so i dont use the most academic language and i also had to cut out some bits where I was speaking/replying to friends :)

Okay so maybe Yang and Blake are just good friends, I can see that, but the storyline and all their major character events are so intertwined that it wouldnt make sense not to make them a couple

Spoilers for literally everything

But in my defense its been seven years

Anyway Yang and Blake's stories dont start getting seriously interconnected until around volume 3, but we do see them being closer to eachother than the rest of team rwby (save for Yang and Ruby but they're sisters so it doesnt count)

When Blake is stressed out over the White Fang in Volume 2, it takes Yang to snap her out of it

Also a lot of people have mentioned this but I'm gonna say it again for those who havent heard it but colours and weapons matter in rwby. They're a key element in the show

ahem

Colours play a big part in the design and storytelling aspect and rwby and its no coincidence that Yang eyes are purple and Blakes are yellow, which are eachothers like signature colours outside of Blakes black

But even more than that is weapons

As we learn from Ruby in the first Volume, a lot of students make their own weapons and, as it is constantly reiterated, weapons are an extension of the self in RWBY. They're not just a tool to be tossed around

In the show we see little instances of people interacting with and using other peoples weapons. There's that one scene where Ruby uses one of Penny's swords to defend Pyrrah, but that was out of necessity. however, over and over again we see Yang interacting with Blake's weapon, Gambol Shroud

As someones mentioned before, an entire moveset of theirs is dependent on it

So it's clear that these two characters are incredibly close

Moving on from that point, Id like to analyze the incidents thst occur in volume 3 and following events that further Yang and Blakes connection

In volume 3 after Yang "breaks" Mercurys leg due to Emeralds illusion, she sits in the dorm room surrounded by her teammates, yet the scene singles out Yang and Blake. When Yang asked if they (her team) believed her, Ruby and Weiss are ready to say yes, but Blake hesitates. Yang and Blake then share a moment where Blake explains that shes trusted people before who turned out to be cruel. She asks Yang to look her in the eyes and tell her that she (Yang) is telling the truth. Yang does so and Blake believes her this level of affirmation from one another is so unlike the rest of Team RWBY and even Team JNPR

Ofc in the dorm scene the person Blake is talking about is Adam, her abusive and possessive ex. Obviously your relationship with an abusive person effects any and all interactions/relationships, regardless of their extent, but I think it bears mentioning

Continuing on in the events of volume 3 when Beacon is being attacked and Blake is confronted by Adam, he has her pinned down and says something along the lines of "I am going to destroy everything that you love". Unfortunately this is when Yang happens to stumble into the scene. Horror is prominent on Blakes face. Yang sees Adam over Blake and yells at him before charging forward, which is when Adam cuts her arm off. It's a very emotional scene imo. Blake then uses her semblance to get her and Yang to safety

So let's analyze this

Adam specifically singled Yang out

Ofc yang was the only one there at the time but Adam didnt say "starting with your little teammates" he said "starting with her". Ofc this could just be me cherrypicking but I think that word choice has meaning

Regardless, this is an intense moment for Yang and Blake that really welds their stories together, romantic or not

In volume 4 Yang and Blake take a break from one another-- Jk but theyre separated. After the events at Beacon, and especially after what happened to Yang, Blake runs. And we get to see both women dealing with this and trying to come to terms with it. Yang is bitter. She's angry that Blake, specifically, left her. And Blake feels like she had to run away to keep everyone, specifically Yang, safe

In Volume 5 we dont get much interaction at all between Yang and Blake aside from the same feelings represented in Volume 4, but these are put on the back burner for Blakes White Fang arc

However these feelings take a forward play in Yangs mind and she even voices these feelings to Weiss and Ruby

I take a deep breath

Volume 6, Blake and Yang are together again but tensions are high. They have to learn how to be together again. When Blake and Yang finally have alone time in the shed, Blake expresses how she won't leave, which comforts Yang. However, Blake continues on to say how she will protect Yang to which Yang gets mad and the moment is ruined.

Despite this, Yang and Blake are still going strong and trying to make things work by being there and supporting each other

Yang and Blake's arc for Volume 6 reaches its peak in the fight against Adam. In this fight we see both women fighting the actual source of their trauma. One thing id like to note about this fight is that Blake starts it alone but is joined by Yang, who tells her to catch her breath. This fight is the first major fight Blake and Yang have fought together in a long time. And its amazing. During the fight, Adam screams at Yang in anger and jealousy, asking "WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN YOU?" And saying that she (Blake) cant protect Yang to which Blake replies "I'm not protecting her. And she's not protecting me." MIRRORING the conversation in the shed

the fight ends with Yang and Blake stabbing Adam through with Gambol Shroud, killing him

Now theres some little things id like to point out with this fight, aside from the amazing chemistry between Blake and Yang and the awesome choreography

Its during this fight that we learn about Adams semblance (magic power basically), which is that any hit he absorbs with his sword, he can return with greater force. This is a corruption of Yang's semblance, where any hit she takes herself she can return with greater force

Now why do I think this is significant? Because rwby is all about symbolism. I think Adam's semblance was specifically chosen to mirror Yangs. Adam doesnt have to deal with pain, he just deflects it, which is how his relationship with Blake plays out. She tries to let him off easy, she tells him to leave her alone, but he just can't take the hint, just like he can't take a hit. However, Yang does take the hits. Yang takes them all and it makes her stronger. She empathizes with Blake and works with her. Adam doesnt have to deal with the pain his actions cause because he doesnt care. This reflects Yangs extremely empathetic personality. Yang knows what consequences her actions can have. She can take the pain

Another thing id like to point out is Adam's behaviour during the fight. He lashes out as Yang for getting in between Blake and him, blaming her for his flaws. He targets her just like in Volume 3. I think this was done purposefully

Another thing is Yang runs Bumblebee off the cliff to help Blake! Her bike! I think this is important bc yang loved her bike. It was part of her brand for the longest time. Perhaps running it off the cliff in the fight vs Adam is a nod to growing by letting things go? Idk I just feel like its an important beat

In Volume 7 we see Yang and Blake working together more regularly again with even a few flustered glances (maybe). Marrow even mentions that they never pair up with anyone else to which they respond with a cool fight scene this feels like the extent of their interaction since Volume 7 focuses more on ruby

Volume 8 isnt finished but there is one line that I think is important which is when Yang asked Jaune if "she'll think bad of me if we fail?" To which Jaune responds "Ruby's your sister" and Yang says "yeah... Ruby..." LIKE EXCUSE ME?

[I take some time to riff with my friends and partner before continuing]

ANOTHER THING

Adam BREAKS Gambol Shroud during their fight, mirroring how Yang, once again, works with Blake and Gambol Shroud. This is yet another example of Adam being violent and abusive towards Blake where Yang is sympathetic and kind. Theyre set up to be narrative opposites

Even though both Adam and Yang are both hot heads, utilize a similar semblance, and both have a deep connection with Blake, they are not the same bc Yang trusts and appreciates Blake while Adam does not

Also Adam and Yang both share the same sentiment of "Blake left me" but whereas Adam lashes out at Blake, Yang is mostly frustrated. Unlike Yang, Adam never attempts to work it out with Blake, which is where the two differ greatly. Yang is willing to listen whilst Adam is not

TLDR: uh give me Bmblb content right now Roosterteeth or I will suck the marrow from ur bones

[four-loose-screws]

FE8 Novelization Translation - Chapter 3, Section 1

If you would like to start from the beginning, read a missed part, etc., click here!

FE Game Script Translations - FE Novel Translations - Original FE Support Conversations

If you are interested in donating to support my work, please check out my Ko-fi here. Thank you!

———————————

I call this a “section” because it is not a separate part of the chapter in the book, but divided from the rest of the chapter by a scene break.

———————————

Chapter 3: The Stolen Bracelet

The Grado Army did not attack for a significant period of time, allowing Eirika and her army’s mountain journey to progress smoothly.

Whenever the soldiers began to look tired, they stopped to take a break. Eirika was impatient and, if it was possible, did not want to do so until they arrived at Renvall Castle, but she knew that would have an effect on the soldiers' morale. Though it frustrated her to stop, they really needed to rest. 

Two days after leaving Ide Village, while taking their evening break, Eirika stepped away from Seth, Garcia, and the others, who were all chatting, and went on a walk by herself.

The white moon was just starting to rise from behind the mountaintops. Talking with her allies was fun, but the moonrise was so beautiful that it made her want to get some fresh air.

Once she was all alone, she was unsurprised to find herself thinking about her brother. 'What is he doing now? Is he looking up at the white moon, just as I am?'

She knew well just how strong her brother was. She didn't think he could be captured or injured, but… considering the situation he was in, she was very nervous.

'Please let him be safe until we catch up to him…' She said to herself as if praying to the moon, while she continued walking along.

Suddenly, something bumped into her from behind.

"Eeek…!" The force of the impact almost made her trip.

"Whoops, sorry 'bout that!"

She heard a voice say with a laugh. It came from a man of small stature wearing a cape…  no, after getting a second glance at him, she realized that he must still be a teenager. The next thing she heard were his footsteps as he quickly ran away from her.

He was probably a traveler, and likely didn't notice her and bumped into her because it was starting to get dark.

"Are you alright, Lady Eirika!?" Seth rushed up to her. It seemed he'd worried when she vanished without a word, and came looking for her. 

"Yes, someone just bumped into me, is all."

Seth furrowed his brow and looked at her. "What happened to your bracelet?"

"My bracelet…?"

'It’s right here,' she raised her arm to say, but was instead surprised. The bracelet she should have been wearing was gone.

Eirika was at a loss. She had no idea when she might have lost it. Her father had given it to her when she was young and told her to treasure it, but because she was always wearing it, on the contrary, she was always unaware that it was there.

"Oh… maybe that man I bumped into earlier stole it? Everything happened so quickly…"

"We will chase after him." Seth said in a panic so very rare of him that Eirika held him back. "Wait! My bracelet certainly is precious to me, but we don't have the time right now. We should put saving Brother over thieves, shouldn’t we? Let's hurry!"

"No, that bracelet is…" Seth looked like he was going to say something, but they didn't have time for that, either. He looked in the direction the thief had run off in and said, "Either way, we must get it back. We will chase after him, Lady Eirika!"

He did not wait for her answer, instead returning to where the army was resting. He cut their break time short, and seemed determined to put all their efforts into chasing after the thief.

Eirika didn't understand how Seth could be acting this way. It wasn't like him at all.

The bracelet was certainly a valuable gift from her father, but their goal was to find Ephraim, and they likely had no time to waste. He was even cutting their break time short despite stressing how important it was...

Eirika didn’t know anything about the history of the bracelet. Since her Father worried about it so much, she figured it must be important to the royal family, and never asked about where it had come from.

But Seth might know. He was the man her father trusted most, so there was a chance her father would tell him something even she did not know.

'I'll ask him after we get it back, and he calms down.' Eirika decided, then chose to first chase after the thief.

-

"What dummy has a bracelet stolen right off their arm!? You must have totally spaced out!” Ross said in complete astonishment when he heard the news.

Franz came up from behind him and whacked him upside the head.

Eirika's face turned red with embarrassment as she tried to explain herself. "He bumped into me so suddenly that I couldn’t think… U-um, I certainly was careless, but…"

 "It's not your fault, Lady Eirika! That thief was just really good!" Franz angrily covered for Eirika.

Ross decided it was best to stop teasing her. "So it was a really good thief, huh? Then he musta been one of Bazba's men."

"Bazba…?"

They're a group of really violent bandits that causes a lot of trouble around here. I think they're the ones that attacked my village, too." Ross' face clouded over with regret. 

Garcia, who was beside him, continued the explanation. "Bazba's Bandits aren't just any old group of bandits. The guys that attacked Ide Village weren't very strong, but we can't underestimate them. Their numbers at the base will be great, so they will be a difficult foe to face."

"Then let's brace ourselves for a difficult fight." They decided that they would leave quickly while it was still night.

Along the way, they noticed a person standing by themself in front of their path.

They went on guard, in case this person was another member of the bandits, though they did not appear to be one. 

As they approached the person, they saw the face of a timid girl looking at them helplessly.

She carried a big bag on her back. To be traveling alone at this time, and in the middle of the mountains, was far too dangerous. 

Just as Eirika was about to call out to her, she timidly approached them, and looked up at Seth and Eirika, both atop his horse.

"Um… excuse me… would you happen to be… a mercenary group?" 

Her straight pink hair fell just below her ears. She was trembling with fear, so it was difficult to tell, but she seemed to have very cute features.

Eirika instinctively turned her attention towards the girl and asked, “Who are you?”

The girl looked at Eirika with pleading eyes, then suddenly screamed, "Please help me, I beg of you! I… I tried to stop Colm… but he wouldn't listen…! At this rate, Colm's gonna… Colm's gonna…!" Tears slowly welled up in her large eyes, making Eirika panic.

"Uh, um, please, calm down. I don't really know what you’re talking about… ‘Colm?’”

"Oh, ah, I-I'm sorry!" The girl wiped away her tears and began to explain.

"My name is Neimi. I lived in Lark Village near here."

"You lived there… what do you mean by that?"

"The village is gone. A group of bandits burned it down… and killed all of the other villagers… only two people made it out alive… me, and my childhood friend, Colm…"

"So Lark Village was destroyed too? Dammit…!" Ross had been listening in, and was enraged by what he heard.

Neimi wiped away more tears, signaling that she had been hit by another wave of sadness as she talked.

"My village was burned down, too. It was Bazba's bandits that did it."

"Oh… th-that's terrible. They're the ones who attacked my village, too. I heard their hideout is inside this mountain. So Colm… he said he was gonna take back the treasure the bandits stole, then went all by himself… E-Even though I tried to stop him! I told him it's dangerous! That his life is more important than treasure…!"

She seemed to be the type of person who cried easily, even under normal circumstances. And once she started crying, she almost couldn’t stop. Eirika felt lost, but wanted to do something to cheer the girl up. "The bandits stole something important from us, too, and we were just pursuing them. Surely we can help each other out!"

"R-Really!? Thank you! I can't save Colm all on my own… so I was waiting for someone who looked strong to pass by. Thank goodness… Oh, but, um, I don't have very much money, so I can't pay you and all your mercenaries enough…"

Ross answered faster than Eirika could. "We don't need anythin' like that! And we ain't really a mercenary group! This person is actually…"

"Anyway, let's go! Can you lead us there, Neimi?" Eirika frowned and glared at Ross.

Neimi was nothing more a random girl they'd crossed paths with, but Eirika still thought it best not to reveal her identity. She knew that if Neimi became associated with her, the princess, and Grado found out, Neimi would be in danger.

"Over here!" Securing help seemed to have calmed Niemi, as she continued down the mountain road with light footsteps.

‐

When Eirika's army heard the words "bandit hideout," they imagined something like a run-down shack, but it was actually a very impressive building.

It was a mansion made of stone built into the mountain. The bandits must have collected a large sum of money from their constant pillaging, as the hideout was so big and lavish that it could compare to the homes belonging to wealthy merchants that one might find in the middle of a town. 

"Neimi, please hide somewhere safe. We're going to break in and fight now." Eirika said.

Neimi began to fidget and answered, "Um… Actually, I was wondering if you guys would take me with you."

"What? But it's dangerous! This is going to be a very difficult fight!"

"I'm really good with a bow! Grandfather taught me how to use one when I was a child."

"Really?" Seth replied. 

Neimi continued to fidget, but nodded her head deeply.

"What do you think, Lady Eirika? Our army is lacking in archers. If she fights with us, then we'll have the abilities we need to win."

"That is a good point…" But Eirika was still nervous.

No matter how you looked at her, Neimi did not seem like she could handle combat. Would such a pitiful girl who cried so easily really be able to fight against bandits?

“Please let me come! I want to do something to help you!"

But when Neimi looked up at her with determination on her face, Eirika couldn't say no. She nodded and said, "Then please provide support from the rear line. Do not go anywhere near the front. You wouldn’t stand a chance in direct combat.”

"I-I understand! I'll do my best!" Neimi excitedly pulled something out from the bag she was carrying on her back.

"Whoa, that’s so cool!" Ross, who'd been peeking in on the conversation, whistled.

Neimi had grabbed a small bow and a quiver. They looked handmade, but seemed sturdy and well crafted. It was clear just by the sight of both items that they were well used and had been mended many times. "This is a momento from my grandfather. He was a very good shot." Neimi said while putting the quiver on her back, then readying her bow.

She was so energetic now that she seemed like a different person from the crybaby they'd met. She looked as ready for battle as any trained soldier would be.

Eirika was impressed, and was now sorry for underestimating her. If her grandfather had been such a good archer, then he’d probably taught her everything from the basics onwards, giving them more than enough reason to believe that she’d be a valuable addition to their army.

First, Gilliam led his unit of armored knights as the front line. They used their weapons to break down the front door in the blink of an eye.

The enemy had not thought in the slightest that they might be attacked by such a large group. The guards rushed towards them, but were immediately eliminated by the knights.

Eirika and the others flooded in through the doorway. The battle immediately turned intense.

Neimi's performance far exceeded Eirika's expectations. She shot arrows in rapid succession from behind the main army, wounding their enemies. 

The main army then rushed in and finished off their weakened foes.

"You're the real deal!" Neimi cheeks flushed red from Ross' praise.

When they had just about eliminated the first wave of enemies, Neimi suddenly gasped.

Eirika panicked and whirled around, thinking Neimi might have gotten hurt, but instead saw her rushing inside of a room. "N-Neimi!?"

There would likely be enemies inside. It was reckless for an archer, who couldn't fight in close combat, to go ahead all on their own.

Ross and Franz panicked and followed after her. Eirika defeated the last enemy in front of her and rushed ahead as well.

"Colm! You're safe, Colm!" Neimi shouted, then hugged someone rummaging around inside the room.

"Ack! Neimi!!" A young man with a stern face wearing a cape yelled out, sounding flustered. 

The sight of him made Eirika freeze in her tracks. 

She couldn't say it for sure, but… she had a feeling that he resembled the thief that stole her bracelet. It had been dark, and everything happened so quickly, but she remembered the silhouette of the thief's cape.

The man paid no attention to her, and started talking to Neimi. "What are you doing here!? Why would you just waltz into a place like this?"

"B-Because… I was worried about you…"

"You should worry more about yourself than me! Do you really think a group of bandits would do me in!?"

"B-But…  I met this group of mercenaries, and asked them to help. So we came here together…"

"Mercenaries? You're being dumb again…" The young man said in a sulking tone, then looked at Eirika and the others. The color drained from his face, and he leapt up a foot into the air. "Uwahhhhhh! Why did you bring them here!?"

"Like I said, they're a mercenary group! …I brought them here to save you…"

"I-I don't know! I don't know anything! ...A-Anyway, we can talk later. I’ve already taken back all the stolen treasure, so let’s get out of here!” His shivering was undoubtedly suspicious. 

"Are you…" Eirika walked up to him to confirm that he was indeed the thief.

However, the door opened right at that moment, and the bandits all rushed in to attack at once.

Eirika drew her sword and began to fight. The questioning would have to come later.

‐

The enemy's numbers were great, making for a tough fight, but Eirika’s army managed to win.

The room they’d fought in was now a mess of toppled chairs and crumbling walls, making for an unfortunate sight. In the corner was Neimi, who’d just caught Colm.

"Colm… I'm so happy you're safe… I… was so scared that I… couldn't stop imagining all the scary things that might happen…"

"Hey, you don't have to cry anymore. Look at this!" Colm pulled out something from within his cape and handed it to Neimi. 

She wiped her tears and gasped. "This is… my mother's mirror…"

"It's an important keepsake, isn't it? And it isn't broken! Lucky, huh?"

"Even though I'd already given up on it… you came all the way here just to get it back, didn’t you? You didn’t tell me the details why you left… s-so I didn’t know anything at all, and…”

"Hey, I told you to stop crying!"

From what bits and pieces everyone else heard, Colm and Neimi’s conversation seemed to be a happy one.

However, Seth came up to them and said in a stern voice, "There's something I must discuss with you. I want you to give Lady Eirika back her bracelet."

Colm shivered and looked up at Seth.

Neimi also looked up at him, curious. 

He seemed afraid to make eye contact with her, as he stood between them as he spoke. "Um, what are you talking about? Stop making stuff up… Whoa, hey, what are you doing!?" Colm saw Seth grab the handle of his sword, and jumped back. "Whoa! You’re messed up, man! I get it, I get it, I should give it back, right!?"

Seth lowered his hand.

Colm took the bracelet out from under his cape and reluctantly handed it over. "Look, I’m giving it back. Sorry, it was my bad."

"Why did you do something like that?"

"No reason… It's a pretty bracelet, and that girl wasn't paying attention to where she was going, so I couldn't help myself! That's all it was, I swear!"

"Colm! I can't believe you…!" Neimi covered her mouth with her hands, and her eyes widened. "You… you stole it? That bracelet? Colm, you've always stolen things, but at least the worst you did was take persimmons from my family's garden! Or so I thought! I never imagined you would do something this terrible…!"

"I-I just felt like it! I said I was sorry! I said it was wrong!"

With the bracelet back in the hands of its rightful owner, they no longer had any reason to stay at the hideout. Seth started to walk away from the two, but Colm called out to him from behind.

"W-Wait up! Hey, would you let Neimi and I go with you?"

"...What?"

"Our village burned down, so we’ve got nowhere else to go. Even if we try to work, there’s fighting goin' on everywhere. We'll become mercenaries, too, so please, take us with you!"

"Colm…" Neimi was shocked by Colm's sudden words, but she made eye contact with Seth and nodded forcefully. "I feel the same way! We don't have anywhere to go home to anymore. If we continue on this path and become nomads, Colm is sure to become a horrible villain that none can save!"

"...Hey!"

"Please! Please take us with you! We'll do anything!"

The two clung to Seth, and it was of course too much for him to handle. He looked up at the ceiling and sighed lightly. “Then you should try asking Lady Eirika directly. She’s the one you stole the bracelet from.”

“Lady Eirika? Whoa, that’s a really polite thing to call her.” A smirk spread across Colm’s face. “That girl is a higher rank than you? You guys are one weird group of mercenaries, to have a girl like that on top!”

“We are not mercenaries. I cannot tell you the details. You should hear them from Lady Eirika.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say…” Seth led Colm and Neimi to find Eirika.

‐

Eirika exited the dusty fort and took a deep breath of fresh air.

Seth had also left the fort, and came up to her with Colm and Neimi following behind him.

“Lady Eirika, I safely retrieved your bracelet.” Seth politely returned itto her, and she put it back on her wrist.

With her bracelet back in its rightful place, Eirika’s worries finally subsided with a sigh.

“Please be careful not to let it leave your possession ever again.”

Eirika could feel the extra weight Seth put into his tone. She stared at the bracelet and patted it gently. “Seth, what do you know about this bracelet? Maybe something my father told you?”

“About that… I guarantee that I will tell you when the time is right. It is still too early right now…” Seth’s words escaped his mouth hesitantly. He surely wouldn’t hide such information from her without reason.

Eirika concluded that the bracelet likely had a very deep meaning locked away within it, and nodded.

“I understand. But more importantly right now, Seth, is what those two are doing behind you?”

“They said they want to join us. What do you think?”

Colm and Neimi had listened to Seth and Eirika’s entire exchange with confusion on their faces. 

Colm picked up on the hint that it was their turn to speak, and said, “Hey, sorry about your bracelet. But you were in the wrong too! You spaced out while wearing such a valuable piece of jewelry!”

“Colm!” Neimi hissed, but Colm just shrugged his shoulders.

“You’re right, I do regret letting my guard down. I’ll be more careful from now on. The more important issue right now is, are you two serious about wanting to join our army?” Eirika asked.

“Yeah we are! You can’t argue against how useful my skills are, and Neimi may be a crybaby, but her archery abilities are the real deal. We’re sure to help you out!” Colm puffed up his chest and beat his fist against it.

This young man was an impulsive thief, and looked like he was a bit of a rascal, but didn’t seem to be a bad person. And Neimi had already proven her skills with a bow to them. Eirika didn’t have any objections to them joining her army.

“I’d be very happy to have you with us. But you still seem to misunderstand… that we are not mercenaries.”

“Huh? Oh yeah, that messed up guy said the same thing. So if you ain’t mercenaries, then what are you? Considering the circumstances, I wouldn’t care what you are, even if you're pirates or a traveling circus!”

“No, neither of those are it, either. I am the princess of Renais, Eirika. And this is my trusted retainer, General Seth. The soldiers serving me are members of the Frelian Army that the king lent to me.”

Colm and Neimi both stared at Eirika with their mouths wide open.

Eirika felt embarrassed, but didn’t really fully understand why, and started laughing awkwardly.

“The… princess?”

“Seriously…?” Neimi stumbled back a few steps and placed her hands on her cheeks. 

Tears welled up in her eyes, which once again flustered Eirika. She’d already gotten used to seeing Neimi cry, but still, she couldn’t help but feel as if she was the one who’d caused it this time. “Uh, um, there’s no reason for you to cry! Why are you…?”

“Colm stole the princess’ bracelet!? Are you going to execute him? Are you going to execute Colm!?”

“C’mon Neimi, don’t start worrying about things if you don’t know they’re gonna happen!” Colm yelled at the panicking and flailing Neimi, but he too seemed nervous, and looked at Eirika with trembling eyes.

Eirika couldn’t help but laugh. Her shoulders moved up and down as she shook her head. “No, you don’t have to worry about that! My bracelet was safely returned to me, so that’s all water under the bridge now. What I wanted to say is that, despite how we look, we’re an army, and we’re marching towards Grado territory. We’ll have to fight powerful enemies that bandits cannot compare to in strength. Are you ready to throw yourselves into such danger?”

Colm and Neimi looked straight at each other.

As one would expect from childhood friends, they could communicate their feelings to each other as if they were telepathic, and didn’t need to exchange words. They nodded in unison.

“Of course! The ones who originally ruined everything around here and caused the bandits to start attacking were the Grado Army’s soldiers, so…”

Colm nodded. “Yeah, I don’t like their way of doing things either! We’ll go with you!”

“Then let’s fight together!”

Afterwards, Eirika introduced them to the rest of the group.

The serious Franz, and others like him, could not accept the rude and thieving Colm at first, but changed their minds as they talked to him. Neimi was very shy, so she hid behind Colm in the beginning, but after Ross complimented her archery skills, she slowly became able to talk to everyone.

As Eirika was watching them from afar, Seth said to her, “People seem to gather around you, Lady Eirika.”

“...Huh?” She looked up at Seth in surprise. He looked upon Colm and the others, all laughing and chatting in high spirits, with kindness in his eyes.

“Both Garcia, who’d sworn off fighting forever, and Ross, and now these two new recruits… Everyone seems to be drawn to gather around you.”

"Surely they're not… We were just lucky and met them by chance…"

"Is that really the reason? You could also consider it to be not by chance, but by fate."

"Fate?"

"Lady Eirika, you have the power to attract and move people. It is different from both authority and military strength, and is a power all rulers should be born with, don’t you think?”

"I have no such power. Brother is the one who inherited it…" Eirika was completely taken aback.

When they were young, the one to attract people to them was her brother. Everyone naturally gathered around him and talked to him. On the other hand, she was quiet and always in his shadow when they were growing up. 

"You understand now, yes? That you, Lady Eirika, have strength that is as great as even Lord Ephraim’s... I have a feeling that in the future, many more people will appear before you time and time again, and lend you their strength."

"That's great and all, but… my power alone is so small. If I wasn't being saved by those around me, I wouldn't be able to fight…"

But though she said that, Seth's words were more reassuring to her than anyone else's would be.

That was what she truly felt in her heart, but could not bring herself to say. Instead, she blushed and looked away.

[sapphim]

ive heard it before but id LOVE to hear how eydis became queen of orzammar and also how she handles the blight after her crowning :eyes emoj:

Oh yeah!! Orzammar is a blast because, at the end of everything, considering I moved Orzammar after the Landsmeet, everyone finally gets some insight into why Eydis happens to be Like That jkdjs;s

Cut for length!

So Eydis Aeducan is. Terrible lmfao. She’s privileged and snotty and ruthless and selfish, and was originally created for the purpose of having a Darkest Timeline worldstate. Transplanting her into the multi-warden worldstate has been, transformative. Because going up against some of the personalities of the other wardens, she is actually forced - forced!! - to undergo character growth. Whereas in her solo worldstate where she is free to be as bossy as she likes she learns approximately absolutely nothing whatsoever.

So Eydis is, an expert at playing the stupid games stupid dwarven nobles play. She actually quite respects that Bhelen was able to pull one over on her even though she was aware that he was planning something. He may be a little shithead, but a clever one, apparently. Credit where credit is due.

So when they return to Orzammar, she’s riding the high of having overthrown the government of Ferelden and is absolutely determined to lay claim to the throne that is fucking hers by right, whatever it takes.

Immediately she launches on the offensive. Loudly accuses Bhelen of Trian’s murder and publically cozies up with Harrowmont’s camp, like, “obviously I have lost my caste so you are my option of choice to seek revenge on Bhelen for the deaths of my father and brother and I will support your claim in my father’s name.” Secretly goes to Bhelen like “look, don’t get me wrong on this, fuck you for everything, I don’t forgive you, but you’ve proven you have what it takes to play politics in Orzammar and I won’t let the throne fall out of Aeducan hands, so I’ll double cross Harrowmont to support your claim to the throne.” And then goes back to Harrowmont like, “hey, I told my shitheel brother I’m double crossing you but I’m actually triple crossing him mmkay.” They both know they’re both being played but they can’t quite figure out what her agenda is.

Paragon of Her Kind, blah blah blah. She makes grumpy dissatisfied noises about the group consensus to destroy the anvil, but she’s not gonna, like, fight them. Returns to Orzammar with crown in hand, bursts into the assembly chamber, great big dramatic showboating at length blah blah blah blah and both Bhelen and Harrowmont get the sinking sensation that they should probably stop her before she gets to her point but.

Eydis: And the great magnificent paragon caridin declared that the throne must remain in aeducan hands blah blah blah Bhelen: hopeful :)? Eydis: And said that none are up to the task of ushering in a new age of prosperity other than me blah blah blah Bhelen: >:oc

Yeah so anyway djkld;s they probably should have seen that coming at some point but they were powerless to stop her big dick energy. Eydis claims the throne, Harrowmont begrudgingly backs her. Bhelen and his men try to fight, but they’re swiftly put down and Bhelen is arrested. He’s so sure she’s going to execute him with extreme prejudice but she’s like “but fratricide is wrong dear brother (:” and has him banished to the deep roads instead. jkdjl;s;

Rozi Brosca for her part, has been, excessively anxious this entire time, because it took Eydis a long goddamn time to stop being a total fucking classist bitch to her, and seeing Eydis back in her element she gets, real worried, that she’s just going to revert back to being as awful as ever. But! Eydis is like, idk what you’re so concerned about, after all, you’re my sister in law now and I’ll be grooming our nephew to be my heir, calm down. (: Hey, I said that she’s learning, she’s by no means perfect, but like, one day at a time.

[bigasswritingmagnet]

When History Comes Calling ch 2/14

Fandom: Mass Effect Rating: Teen Pairing: none, some background Fshep/Garrus

Summary: In 2170, Mindoir was attacked by slavers. Hundreds were taken  captive, hundreds more were slaughtered. Kiryn was the only Shepard to  make it out alive. For years, he buried his grief, kept his head high,  and did whatever he needed to survive.He survived Mindoir and the batarians and when the Reapers came he survived them too.

But  when the war ends and he escapes his batarian masters to the Citadel,  the discovery that his twin sister is alive and well might just be the  thing that breaks him. The Hegemony's greatest assassin will remember  what it means to have something to lose.

AO3 link in notes!

belated and special thanks to @reblob-blob for beta-ing, and @snuffes @thehumantrampoline for their assistance <3

---

His plan had been sound - find the largest assortment of refugees in the safest location. Keep a low profile. Get the lay of the land in the world outside batarian space. He remembered the Citadel being touted as a beacon of safety and civil obedience, but after 15 years in his… particular profession, Vondur had learned that there was always a seedy underbelly. Sure, he was going to have to start from scratch, but with his skills it wouldn’t take long to rebuild his reputation. 

In practice, though. 

In practice, it was hundreds of shipping crates stacked on top of each other, the smell of unwashed bodies and dirty laundry, a constant jumble of voices crying and shouting and arguing, bright lights glaring down like spotlights. Guards at the exits, eyes suspicious and watchful; dull-eyed bureaucrats processing the new comers without sympathy or interest.

It felt like the slave pens. 

He found a dark corner out of sight of the main crush of people. It looked out over one of the Citdael’s arms, the orange city glow dotted with spots of black where the power was lost or the buildings crushed to rubble -- the night sky turned inside out. He wrapped his hands around the railing and tried to find the moment. 

It was a technique his very first instructor had taught him, and one that he had come to rely on heavily. Ignore the past, ignore the future, ignore even the present. By the time you acknowledge the present it is already the past. Find the moment you are in. The breath in your lungs, the beating of your heart. The feeling of cold metal warming against his palms, the light reflecting off passing ships lighting up the insides of his eyelids...

The feelings that the present was stirring up - old fear, nausea, memories of being helpless and alone -- all faded, leaving him clear headed and calm once more. 

When Vondur opened his eyes, the world had righted itself. He was still here, but now he could think. And he could notice, consciously, the person coming up behind him. He’d been aware of their presence, but only by instinct. Now he could analyze the clues he’d picked up -- perfume, the rustle of clothing, the weight of the tread -- and know not to attack the civilian human female coming up behind him. 

“Excuse me?” 

He pretended to be surprised when he turned. The human gave him a shy smile. She was small, about five foot even, with her blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail. Younger than he’d been expecting - maybe 16 at the most. Either fashion hadn’t changed in the last 15 years, or the colonies were more fashion forward than he remembered them being, because her clothes would have been considered retro when he was her age. 

Most interesting, however, was the lanyard around her neck. From here he could see the word ‘volunteer’ in big orange letters on the ID card that hung from it. 

“Hi there! My name is Sarah. I’m a volunteer for the Citadel Refugee Project. I help new arrivals get settled in after they’re processed.” 

Her words had the patter of a memorized script, but suddenly she hesitated. 

“So, um, I’m not sure if anyone told you-- and I’m sorry if I’m wrong, but I’ve been seeing a lot of them and-- I thought, if it was me I’d want someone to make sure I knew-- I just-- it’s just that I--” 

“It’s okay,” he said, giving her a casual, nonthreatening tilt of the head. 

She straightened up and cleared her throat, and didn’t quite meet his eyes when she said “administration can get you in touch with a doctor who can deactivate and remove batarian control devices.”   

Vondur, having only just righted himself,was once more knocked off course into a whirl of unpleasant memories.

Like all slaves, Vondur had received the implant when he was first captured. At first, he had been constantly aware of it, perpetually afraid that any bump or electric shock would set it off. As the years passed it had become normal, a part of him the same way his biotic implant was. Filomet never had cause to threaten him with it, let alone put it to use. Most of the time, Vondur didn’t think of it at all. 

Vondur reached up a hand and touched the back of his head. In the soft place at the base of his skull was his implant. Just above it, a thick ridge of scar tissue that did not completely hide the small, hard lump of the device.  

Remove it? 

Why shouldn’t he? He was a free man, now. Able to choose his own path. He would never need to answer to anyone else ever again. Yes, he’d planned to keep up his… profession, but now they would be his jobs, his choices. The payment would be entirely his, not whatever sliver of a percentage Filomet felt generous - or frightened - enough to pass his way. 

He could choose who he would kill. 

Sarah was looking up at him nervously. He did a mental check of his expression - impassive, neutral, displaying no trace of the shock she’d given him. Good. 

“Thank you,” he said, his voice as level as ever. “I would like to see the doctor.”

 Sarah said she would walk him to the office -- a handful of desks -- located in one of the courtyards -- the squares of space the shipping containers opened into. It was staffed by actual employees of the CRP. They managed identification paperwork, locating families, finding temporary housing, medical support, ensured steady supply delivery, and in general jumped the bureaucratic hoops Citadel administration demanded be jumped.  These were the souls who actually solved the problems, Sarah said. 

“The Citadel set up the camps and they send food down but they don’t really care. They spend more time making sure nobody gets into the rest of the station than they do helping people.” Her voice held a heavy bitterness that surprised him; the kind that came from experience. 

“You’re a refugee,” he said, and she gave him an awkward half smile and a one-shoulder shrug.

“Yeah. I mean, I was. I guess I’m technically a citizen of the Citadel now. But I came in on one of the shuttles. I made a lot of friends down here, and I knew what it was like. It didn’t feel right to just… leave and never come back” 

“Understandable,” said Vondur, who didn’t understand at all. He had made friends - or at least bonded - with some of the other slaves in the pens. When Filomet had taken him away, Vondur had not looked back. He wanted to get as far away from that part of his life as possible. 

I did help them, he thought, irrationally defensive, I saved them in the arena. I stopped Filomet from using bait slaves. There was nothing else I could have done. It’s not like slaves can buy slaves, or free them. I needed to focus on survival. There's nothing wrong with that.

Sarah was still talking. She was, it seemed, quite the chatterbox. And very… peppy. 

“It’s not so bad down here. Especially now the war is over. The Reapers were kind of a major bummer, y’know?” She flashed him a grin. 

‘Major bummer’. Billions dead, worlds destroyed, your understanding of galactic history and your place in it completely upended… 

“Mmhmm,” he said. 

“They do holiday celebrations, and you can go to virtual classes- oh, and we have vid nights now. You should definitely submit a suggestion, because they’ve played Fleet and Flotilla like a billion times. What kind of vids do you like?” 

Vondur floundered for an answer. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d watched an actual film. It would have been on Mindoir, but he couldn’t think of a single title, couldn’t even remember what kinds of vids he used to watch. 

“I don’t watch a lot of vids,” he said. That was a legitimate response, right? Plenty of people out there didn't watch vids.

“Oh. Well what do you like to do?” 

This one was even worse, because Vondur did have answers, and not a single one of them was something he could say to this girl. He liked working on upgrades for his sniper rifle. He liked to spar and train to improve his skills in killing people. He liked to practice shooting. 

He liked to work. Not to kill. But everything up to that point, the challenge of it, the rush of adrenaline. There was, in his heart, a grim satisfaction in a difficult task completed.  

“I like to read,” he said, lamely. Desperate to change the direction of the conversation, he said "And you?"

“I love vids. I want to make my own when I’m older. I especially like the classic stuff. Did you know the Blasto vids are based on a human series from the 1970s? It’s called Dirty Harry; you should check it out. Blasto wishes he could be that cool.” 

“Definitely,” he said, wondering what the hell a Blasto was. An argument broke out ahead of them, catching Vondur’s attention. And oh, by the glorious Pillars of Strength, there was a familiar face in the crowd. 

Vondur stopped suddenly. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “but I think I see someone I know.”

Sarah beamed up at him. 

“Of course! I’m so glad for you! I’ll see you around-- wait! I forgot to ask you your name!” 

“Thomas,” Vondur said. He'd chosen the name as one that was average and inconspicuous, but not too average or inconspicuous. Then, because it was a thing he remembered people said, added “Call me Tom.” 

“It was nice to meet you, Tom,” she said, and stuck out her hand. It took him a moment to realize what she was doing, but just a moment. He shook it, and gave her what he hoped was a friendly smile. It wasn’t a very big one. 

“Same to you.” 

He waited until he was sure she wasn’t going to stick around to watch, and headed for the group of arguing batarians. They’d lowered their voices, but their body language told him they were barely holding on to their tempers. They were too busy to notice his approach, and Vondur liked that just fine. 

It was so much more fun this way.

“Hello Ukarem,” he said, and watched the batarian go rigid. Very, very slowly the batarian turned and looked up at him. Vondur felt no small satisfaction seeing all four eyes go wide with stark terror. 

“Vondur,” he rasped. 

“Isn’t this a funny coincidence. Glad to see you made it to safety.” 

The batarian opened his mouth, but all that came out was a strangled groan. Vondur glanced at the other batarians. He didn’t know them, but from the looks on their faces, they knew him. 

He put a hand on Ukarem’s shoulder, dug his fingers in. He could feel the batarian trembling. 

“Let’s take a walk. I’d love to hear all about it.” 

“But…” one of the other batarians tried, braver than the rest. Vondur looked at him, focusing his entire attention on the lone soul who dared. Holding eye contact, Vondur tilted his head back ever so slightly. You are so beneath me, so little a threat, the movement said, that I do not need all four eyes to watch you. 

It didn’t matter that Vondur didn’t have another pair; body language was body language, and Vondur knew how to send a message. 

The batarians edged backwards, and Vondur steered Ukarem away. 

They walked in silence for a minute or so, as Vondur led them to a less crowded area. 

“I have money,” Ukarem said. 

“That’s good,” Vondur said, mildly. “Financial stability is very important.” 

“If this is about that job on Camala--” 

Ukarem had provided wildly inefficient intel on the state of the target’s security. Vondur had been shot several times, and very nearly died. His target had managed to escape; one of Vondur’s few failures. Because the target was human, rumors started that Vondur had botched the job on purpose out of species sympathy. He’d had to kill several humans in very nasty ways to repair the damage to his reputation. 

“Clouds long cleared,” Vondur said, in that same mild tone. “How long have you been on the Citadel, Ukarem?” 

“I was in the Terminus system on business,” he mumbled. “Came here as soon as I heard they were taking people in.” 

“Really? Why not Omega?” 

“Seemed safer. The reports that were coming through…”

Vondur walked him over to the railing where they could watch the ships go by, hidden behind several large potted plants. Ukarem tried to dig his heels in, babbling nervously. 

“Look, Vondur, you don’t have to do this, I can make it worth your while, whatever it is--” 

“I need a favor, Ukarem.” 

The batarian froze, then relaxed, relief pouring off of him in waves. 

“Oh! Oh, yeah, sure, sure. Name it.” 

Vondur leaned casually against the railing, looking out at the ships rather than at Ukarem.

“I think my least favorite thing about the Citadel is how suspicious they are. You can’t just walk in and out. You need paperwork. An ID card, birth certificate, background checks, proof of citizenship…” He looked over at the batarian. “You know what I mean. You have to be in the system if you want to get anywhere out here.” 

“Yeah” he said, but his expression was puzzled. “But… you were born out here. Couldn’t you just…?”

“I wouldn’t want to raise a fuss,” Vondur said. “A lost child, presumed dead, escaping his dreadful masters and regaining his freedom, rising from the ashes of destruction to take back his old life? That would attract a lot of attention. The kind of attention that could be very…  disadvantageous for someone in my field of business. But most importantly, Ukarem, I don’t want to.” The last was said in a voice hard and cold and full of dark promises.

“Right, right, sure, of course.” Ukarem was nodding very hard. 

“Besides, if I went the legal route, well, I wouldn’t need your help. You’d become rather useless to me. And you like to be useful, right Ukarem?” 

More nodding, Ukarem having apparently lost the ability to speak. 

“You have friends on the Citadel, right? Friends who can get me what I need?” 

The nodding continued. 

“You should let them know I’m willing to pay a little more for express delivery. I’m in a bit of a rush.” 

Nod nod nod. Vondur worried Ukarem’s head would go flying off.

“Oh, and before I forget… I’m still getting settled in, but once I am, you can let your friends know that my services are available. On a case by case basis, of course.” 

Ukarem froze mid-nod, his eyes very wide. 

“Really?” he blurted out. “But-- but you’re not-- you’re--” 

Vondur patted him on the shoulder and turned to leave. 

“If your friends could get back to me in the next two days, I’d really appreciate it.” 

As he mixed in with the other refugees, following the herd towards the daily food distribution, Vondur wondered why he didn’t feel as light as he’d been expecting. He’d just solved several major problems in one go. Now he had the right connections, he was going to get the documents he needed, he’d be able to find some work…

So why was there some deep, biting dissatisfaction in his mind? 

It was Ukarem’s surprise that he was looking for work. The sentence he hadn’t dared to finish. ‘But you’re not a slave anymore.’ Idiot. This was his trade, his craft. Throw away fifteen years of work honing and perfecting his skills just because he didn’t have to? What else was he supposed to do? He didn’t know how to do anything else. He didn’t need to know. And this life had been his choice. Filomet had stood in his cell and given him options, and Vondur had chosen. A short, brutal life in the mines, or the best weapons and training Filomet’s money could buy. 

It had been an easy choice, and it had been his. 

It had.

[jesuiscalmedammit]

Blackmail – (8) Mistakes || [Alejandro Gillick x reader x Matt Graver]

After the team returned, Cynthia told Matt that you had left but she had absolutely no idea where you went and she didn’t even care. He wasn’t surprised to hear this so he decided to go back to the motel to quickly check if you were there or not. He owed this much to Alejandro and something told him he would probably want him to look after you now that he was gone. He also felt guilty for letting him go after the girl after all if he had stayed with the team he would still be around.

In the end, he found you in the motel although he was everything but happy to see you being high as fuck on your own. The two of you got into a fight, one thing followed another, and somehow you ended up in bed together.

“I’m an asshole,” Matt noted with a tired grunt as he sat on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his palm a few hours later.

With your head still buried in the pillow, you said, “No arguments here.” A few seconds passed until your brain suddenly began to process his words and you realized you had no idea what he was talking about. “Wait, why?” you asked as you looked at him.

He let out an almost desperate laugh before turning to you. After all this time he kind of expected you to know it without help. “Because of what happened this morning,” he told you eventually. But sleeping with you was only one part of the problem. The other was something he would probably never tell you: he liked it. Hell, he loved every second of it.

When you finally remembered what had happened between you, you bit on your lower lip and let out a thoughtful hum. “I know exactly what I’m like when I’m high so it’s not your fault.” It wasn’t a lie, you had more than enough experience with that to know you could be very persuasive when you wanted something.

“Yeah, but I was sober,” Matt pointed out before putting on his shirt. “I should have said no.”

“Well, it’s too late to change that. Stop worrying and let’s forget it even happened,” you told him with a small, supportive smile. Not like you had any chance of forgetting about cheating on Alejandro. Sure, he was now dead, but it still felt like you had betrayed him. And you did. And you truly hated yourself for it. “We don’t have much choice,” you added quietly.

Matt clearly didn’t hear you say that because he stood up and walked over to the window. “He was shot in the head. We saw the whole thing, it was… I have a feeling I’ll have nightmares about it.”

“At least it wasn’t you who killed him.” Silence fell between the two of you while you sat up and pulled your knees to your chest. “I’m glad I didn’t have to see it. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you.”

“As I said, I’ll have nightmares,” he answered. When he turned around to look at you and noticed the confused expression on your face, he flashed a sad smile at you before saying, “I bet you thought things like this don’t affect me. But they do and I hate this. Actually, I had a nightmare now too, this is why I woke up in the first place.”

This was probably the first time you saw Matt be this vulnerable. He was clearly suffering just as much as you were and it made you feel really bad for him. Letting out a sigh, you climbed out of bed and went over to him to pull him into a hug. At first, his body froze from the surprise but then he wrapped his arms around you and visibly relaxed.

After a short while, he let you go and took a step back to build some safe distance. “I should go now. Try to get some sleep, okay?” With that he began to walk out of the room but stopped before his fingers could touch the doorknob. “You were right, we have to forget what happened.”

Not like it was that easy, at least not for Matt. While he felt guilty about betraying his friend like that, he still couldn’t stop thinking about you. A long time ago he had told you one day you would be begging him to fuck you and that’s exactly what happened earlier that day. Sure, you were very, very high, but he still liked it.

Long story short, he was a fucking asshole.

Matt had to take care of a few things before the team left so even though he was worried about leaving you alone for hours, he still returned to the hangar. Unlike the others, Steve immediately noticed that something was wrong and he also knew it most probably had something to do with you. Since they were surrounded by people most of the time, he kept his mouth shut for now, but the moment they could be alone for a while, he brought up the topic.

“How bad is it?” he asked as he sat on top of a table and rested his elbows on his thighs.

Letting out a sigh, Matt put his hands on the back of his neck. “Bad but I went through her things and took every drug she had bought. I’ll check on her before I leave to make sure things didn’t get worse.”

“You think she’ll be okay on her own? I can stick around for a few more days to keep an eye on her,” Steve offered.

“No, I think it was a one-time thing. She had learned her lesson around the time I recruited her.”

Steve shook his head and gave him a doubtful look. If Matt truly believed he had recruited her, then they remembered what happened very, very differently. “You mean when you blackmailed her into joining us?”

“I only gave her an opportunity to do something good,” Matt pointed out with a shrug.

For a moment he wondered if he should comment on it but in the end, he decided to just let it go. “Anyway, wanna go grab a drink before going home? After today I think I’ll need it.”

“Thanks but I’ll pass. I’ll quickly check on Y/N then try to get some sleep.”

Steve nodded, said goodbye, and left. He didn’t want to stick around for longer than expected because he was worried he would accidentally let Matt know that he knew he was lying–or at least hiding something important. A part of him wanted to know what it was while another told him to forget about it. Maybe it was for the best if he stayed out of whatever happened. If he had to know about it, Matt would tell him.

Not long after Matt left you began to lose your patience. Each passing minute became more and more unbearable, your brain was in overdrive and you knew only drugs could possibly help you in this situation. But Matt had thoroughly searched your motel room and took everything you had left with him to make sure you stayed clean.

As if that was enough to stop you. Now that you knew who to look for it probably wouldn’t take long to get some more, you just had to be smart about it. So you went to the motel’s office to use their phone instead of your own in case they were still listening to your calls and contacted the dealer who promised to bring what you wanted in about half an hour. Talk about customer experience.

You had been right, and apparently the drugs could help with the misery that was suffocating you. You were miserable because of the pain you felt after losing Alejandro, the guilt because you slept with Matt shortly after his death, the fear caused by having no idea what would happen now, and the disgust you felt because you actually liked what happened between you and your boss.

Could this be the rock bottom? It had to be. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t imagine things getting any worse than this. You once again became that shitty person you’d been before Matt dragged you into this. You were an excellent doctor, strangely that didn’t really change because of drugs, but they surely destroyed your relationships. All of them. But maybe under these circumstances, this was for the best. Being alone could maybe help you figure out what to do now.

The drugs had barely kicked in when there was a sudden, loud knock on your door. At first, you wanted to ignore it but soon you heard Matt threatening to kick in the door to get inside. Rolling your eyes, you eventually stood up and let him in, mostly because the last thing you wanted was him making a scene. But before you could say anything, he grabbed your chin and you knew perfectly well what he was doing: he took a closer look at your eyes because he noticed your delated pupils.

“I leave you alone for three hours and this is what happens?” he asked furiously once the door closed behind you. “Where the fuck did you get this shit anyway? I went through your things to make sure you didn’t have any drugs left.”

You had no reason to lie anymore, after all, you had already quit your job. The two of you were nothing more but two adults having a fight. So you shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed with one leg pulled up. “I have my sources.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Matt ran a hand through his hair as he began to pace back and forth in the room. This was much worse than he had expected and Steve was right, they couldn’t just leave you alone now. “Alright, you know what? I don’t care that this mission is over, we’ll stick around and I’ll keep you under close surveillance for the next few days.”

“Seriously?” you asked after letting out an annoyed growl. “I’m an adult and if I wanna get high, I’ll fucking do it and you can’t stop me!”

“I can,” he replied casually then began to go through your things once again. Without hesitation, you jumped up and rushed over to stop him, but Matt simply pushed you away. “Do you think this is what he would want? Do you really think Alejandro wouldn’t try to make sure you stay clean?”

And with that comment, he crossed a line. Even though he quickly realized he had made a mistake, you slapped him before he could apologize. “Don’t you dare bring him up again!”

Long seconds passed in uncomfortable silence and it didn’t seem like either of you would speak up in the near future. While he clearly wanted to continue his search for drugs, Matt decided to wait a little and hope you would calm down just enough to agree to it. You on the other hand were waiting for him to finally leave your room without a fight.

Suddenly your phone began to ring and you rose your eyebrows when you looked at the called ID. It was a number you didn’t know, but apparently Matt assumed you did so he said, “Put it on speaker.”

“Are you kidding me?”

When he gave you a serious look, you let out a sigh and did as he said.

note: Oh, Matt, you moron... || By the way, thank you for the support guys!

taglist: @lainternettuale @lennonlane @anbanananna @moonchild-stuff

[lifeinthegladhouse]

long personal post apologies to anyone on mobile, just...scroll on by...

---

There’s so many things............I wanted to achieve in 2020, which is I’m sure what everyone has said. Somehow I still think 2017 was worse, but .... I don’t know. I was really alone then. I almost lost both my parents, this year I was safe with a better job, good partner, and only lost one (at least I got to see her once in a decade to say goodbye)....ultimately this brought me to heathenism in a weird and roundabout way. It’s hard to know she was really walking around with this poorly depicted Viking nonsense ‘false odin’ with cerberus (why?) going on, lord, she would’ve hated left heathens BUT ALSO wasn’t even a pagan to begin with (so she says, but being a pentecostal and having psychosis, while this does not a pagan make, made for a quite magickal and brutal experience). my mother was a trickster entity in living flesh. at first, i learned into having guides for the first time. i wondered if it was a coping mechanism, but i shrugged, because it was not my intention to see the numbers repeating, or the ‘loki’ every..single..day..for a week... in the weirdest fucking places... it was not my intention to lose my best friends in this city (which is not my final destination, ha) because they were too busy having poly drama, to, idk, support their friend, and then ghosted me, or came up with some weird passive aggressive bullshit. it totally dominated my 2020 - the pandemic, then mom dying, then the deities, then the loss. my card of the year was the hermit, i thought that was such a joke considering the pandemic. how could that then apply to me more personally? I haven’t had time or space mentally to recount the beautiful parts of the year because we’ve been stuck inside, inside during riots, inside during west coast smoke hell, inside where the spiders are. astoria was beautiful. it was god given. i knew what was real was real that day. it’s been seven months since mom passed, and i know her spirit has contacted me. it has brought me closer to my own spirituality which was accidentally rampant chaos magick that i was unaware of - introduced to me by ten years of tricksters who I never quite recognized. at the altar, id pull cards, i began to learn runes, and id ask, “were you always there? was that the presence that was always there?” I don’t know, much of the paranoid presence I felt my whole life ended when mom died. so much ended. i still want to write about it. again and again. because i forget that it happened, i compressed it so far back. everyone walked away and all that remained was my partner and the unseen. i would get straight answers on the altar, but never for that question. i never understood, and still hardly do, why loki came - was it to console me after the passing of my mother? somehow a veil had been lifted and my already wack ass intuition became 25% greater, somehow i felt seen and heard by others. at first, i was scared... i had always gravitated unknowingly towards tricksters and mercurial beings, loki came during the week of L*ghnasadh, after I’d been reading abt the ACTUAL “mercury”/hermes.... it was as if to be like, oh, you’re looking to NAME US FINALLY? THIS ENERGY, HERE _______. I was a little sheepish of Odin because of the association..... and I never quite got an answer. Sometimes still, I am struggling to understand this deity, however many a time loud and clear he and Loki have responded within the half-hour, be it some really weird ultra-specific shit to crop up, flickering shit, popping, knocking over. I turn to him frequently as, the more I read, the more I trust... this understanding of inarticulatable parts of myself - when I read about odr I was thinking of what this could mean for me, especially as a trans person, and it moved me. when I think about knowledge, and loss... when I think of the underdog vying that Odin (and of course Loki) represent, it is always with grace and honor that I am glad to be In It. I struggle tho, cos no matter how viscerally real my experiences have been, and no matter how little I would ever wish to disrespect them by denying faith, as a human who has run far from christianity and is skeptical of everything, every day, I’m like, ‘how much can I lean into this? is this ‘weird’ or delusional? am i acting like a child?” but, ..... I have learned from many smart and creative folks of the same ilk that we are not alone and the passage of time cannot destroy old gods so easily, and I am honored to be called to that. 2020.....that is.....to me, the year of death and rebirth. it was the only parting gift mom could give me. as she died, I told her I knew the lord had brought me there. I knew we had made it JUST in time, by many many strokes of good ‘luck’, to see her off. the last day we saw her was the last day she’d ever seen both her children together in her life. of course, she probably hardly recognized me. and she loved my brother more. had spent less time with him. oh lord, she did look at me with burning eyes of distrust and hatred, but that was not her fault. she was so ill. god she was so ill. dad joked, after she died, ‘maybe she’ll finally be in valhalla’, he didnt know what that meant. mom was a ‘devout’ christian woman of “god”. she was no pagan. she did not serve odin. but 2 months later when I discovered them, I heard his words ringing in my head, and I had to laugh. It’s been so hard...losing the queer comrades I had with me because of ? what ? exactly ? I still dn’t know, watching someone I spent 3 years being ‘close’ to basically patronize me that she always had reservations about us, never let me in, or get closer, like real friends, .... id cry and cry thinking, why, did i lose the one figure who brought me into this world, who i never had, for ten years, who abandoned me and hated every ounce of my being, and to confront this NOW in the middle of a pandemic, where i have zero way to the outside world to cope, and then to be left behind AGAIN by SO MANY PEOPLE, i felt Loki’s comforting presence. I’m trying to focus on the future again, that’s what 2021 is giving me. the “year” label, “when mom died” is over. even if that event forever changed my life far beyond that of a normal passing (?) I mean, it’s never normal when a mom dies, much less a woman like her, have mercy, it’s over. 2021 is the “year when we move to los angeles” its the “year when i start a REAL band again instead of be a side piece for a woman who cant get real with herself and her drum machine”, the “year when maybe ill take my adhd meds and hrt” we’re suspended in a stasis, there are big ups and downs. in two weeks i quit my med of 2 years, because it’s causing harm and i actually dont technically need to be on it anymore. im scared and excited. i need the change. i need the CHOICE. 

[wolfyduskk]

KHOC WEEK~Day 2

Bonds of the Heart/Ties That Bind

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@khoc-week this one is gonna be a long one sorry bout that!

I’m going to try it kinda like most to least? but leave out some characters she does get close with for the sake of time >~> ANYHOW

#1 being Cleo Maiyu: Her Mama

“Tell them to sort it into this months invoices then mail out th-“

*...* “No I promised starlight i’d spend the day with her & you already took up all of our morning.”

*click* “Where to next Audri?”

“Book house mama!”

“It’s a store but you were close..”

•Cleo, even though it’s not her ideal career, worked at a desk job that payed well in order to support the little family they formed. Not saying that’s all she did for Audri, not at all! If she was needed by Audri, Cleo would drop everything to tend to her. She would accept every gift and proudly wear it or hang it up for everyone to see, giving her gifts & praise to try to make sure she knows she’s loved very much.

Audri’s health & safety is her top priority & willing to do anything to ensure it, wither it be a stern talk or a fist fight. That being said when Audri is sick even if it’s not major, won’t be allowed to lift even a finger in fear of making it worse & losing her.

While growing up Audri understood that work was important & usally left her to work when she worked from home but would stop in to drop off small gifts she made, coffee, or even a peaceful rest with the help of her colourful friends before their home fell & Audri vanished.

#2- Zeke Maiyu: Her Uncle ZeZe

“You sure you want to use this polish Dri? There’s prettier colours-“

“SHh NU! You love love green so its one of the prettiest colours too!!”

In the early years Audri was home schooled due to all the possible illnesses she could get in public schools & private school being to expensive. So since he worked completely from home, Zeke became her teacher during the weekdays & taught her things benifeical to her like reading, writing, cooking, health, as well as things that interested her like astrology & flowers.

They would have days where they would leave home to learn outside or just to play. Audri would alway wonder out of eyesight, (which was easy with technically one eye on you)(sorry not sorry) but never to hard to find again if you followed her giggles or her friends.

(Note:Zeke & Cleo are not mine, they belong to a close friend of mine)

Isa/Saïx

“I-Isa! Lea took off with Prof.Hoots again!”

“Don’t worry Audri, I’ll bring the Professer back & try to knock some sense into that dummy before your mother does..”

•The days she was allowed outside, she’d either go to the castle or look for her older friends who honestly play more of an older sibling role in Audri’s life, with Isa taking a more caring & mature sibling place, while Lea takes a teasing/bully but still fun & kind sibling role.

She bonded with Isa the quickest due to their love of the night, as well as to her, He was more comforting to be around since his personality is something she’s grown up with compared to her other ‘big brother’ Lea, who is much louder & competive. Not to say she dislikes his loud personality, just odd when it’s not her being the only extrovert anymore.

•Months after the fall Saïx would be the one to find her at the doors of Castle Oblivion with a large scar over her front & her once sparkling eyes dulled. Her body somehow survived & became a nobody.

She’d be seen at the start clinging to the back his coat as he was the first she saw & most familiar to her memory wise at the time. Although not an official member, she was given a new name, Aidrux & once more independent, missions.

Even though he became colder over time, he still took his brotherly role seriously with what little hearts he had over the years, just as she once more memories came back would care & help him as much as she was able. She’d stay by his side more once Axel started to stray away from them for Roxas & Xion.

•

Ienzo/Zexion

Ahh the extrovert adopts the introvert~ good quality content with that right there ANyway

“-And then we can make a super big flower like the book with the bean stalk and we’ll touch the stars!”

“...that’s not scientifically plausible Dri”

“Anything is possible when it’s you & me!!”

“..Still think we could make that gaint flower?”

“Thought it ‘wasn’t plausible’. Remember?”

“With you? ‘Anything is possible’ Dear”

“...Dork~.”

•With the tendency to explore unsupervised, it would’ve been only a matter of time before these two would meet. despite the tough shell Ienzo had, instead of breaking it with trying to make him talk, she waited for him to hatch on his own accord, by bringing small books or art supplies to work on silently with a few comments here & there. She knew forcing him to talk would only make it harder.

In time he did start talking although not by much, but enough to hold a conversation which made Audri practically shine when she heard him talk. The small talks the had honestly funny if you were able to hear them, from plans of the future to multi-coloured animals, they’ve talked about it all almost.

•Zexion was a big change to Aidrux once she remembered, but that didn’t mean she didn’t try over the years. Whether it be old books or the small remark there, she tried & forunatly so did he. With illusions of flower fields & cheeky statements, they became close again, well as close as you could get with no hearts anyway.

•Once whole again they weren’t really sure what to do with the sudden massive rush of emotions that filled them when they met up again, it scared both of them to the point they avoided one another for a while till that feeling became unbearable.

They can’t think of the right word to label their relationship but they know they care about eachother differently compared to the others, but not quite love..

But maybe in time it will.

Xemnas

•Oddly enough? He felt kinda safe to her even after she remembered he was the reason she was nobody. He didn’t mind her presence really, she was useful & benifited the Orginzation.

But, something remembered her, and not from when he was an apprentice no. Something before that, but what?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for people she dislikes/hates/uncomfortable with?

•As a child she never felt completely comfortable with Braig, there were the rare times she felt okay but never completely. To this day she still isn’t sure why, but she’ll get an idea why soon.

•During KH2 hands down for a time, H A T E D Sora, as far as she knew, he was trying to stop them from getting their hearts back, stopping her from being with her family. (Id be mad to if banana shoes over here started basically destroying years of planning/ work) She knows the truth now, but being near him all alone still sparks some negative feelings.

•As childish as it is, any man with yellow eyes. She doesn’t remember completely how she got to RG but knows that a male with those eyes took her there & feeling scared.

that’s all I can think of atm but pretty proud of how much I did today! See y’all tomorrow

I have to admit tho out of Lea & Isa, I’ve always liked Lea more so its a little funny how little he’s mentioned lol.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 22

oooh man, its time to feel some EMOTIONS!

I'm BACK after a hiatus, which was due in part to me getting my 1st dose of the covid vaccine! woohoo!

anyways, starting here w/issue 22....we have a great cover w/thunderclash, the legend himself

oof. the covers made me forget how much I don't like the art this issue...I hate to be mean to the artists but this art style just isn't doin it for me chief

god I love this issue though. the framing device of rewind’s movie is so so fantastic

tailgate listing off all his fake awards/accomplishments....ily 

rodimus my boy, you're a prime in my heart

the ‘not a decepticon’ label for cyclonus is so much hvbhkjfbskjf

I literally wanna comment on every single panel bc I love all the characters so much but then id be here forever...that being said whirl ily sm 

hvbjdfbhsfjhdfshja BRAINSTORM ‘according to perceptor - ships genius’ hvhdkjhbfhjs ily dumb gay idiot

and then the cut to perceptor after brainstorm like, blew up his lab vjbkdsfnbksjf dude

GODDDDDD drift ‘your name...defines you. it’s your soul expressed in syllables. hm? oh, yes, sorry. it’s drift.’ GOD he’s so fucking funny. I love early story hippy drift

god I cant stop thinking about how good this whole issue would be as an animated show...like, specifically rewinds film, it would be SO FUCKING GOOOOOOD mtmte show WHEN

rewiiiiind ;_; I fuckgin love rewind god. fellow video editing enthusiast....

ohhhh rodimus being embarrassed about his big speech at the beginning of mtmte....my boy I love u so much

gjhnbgehjsrkfbjksf magnus being suspicious of rewind oh my god. magnus ily but please, look at the lil guy, he’s a good boy, most of the time

the fuckgin footage that magnus removed hbvhakjbfhskf god. wasn't that intended to be footage of magnus dancing? I love him

minibot squad.....

and here it begins, the mystery stick rung question...

poor rung oh my god he’s just trying to polish his lil spaceship and people r throwing shit at him. taking Ls as per usual it seems

hand grenade tag hvbfjksdnfbkjdf love that callback

noooo rungs ship :( 

magnus’s censorship vhbhadkjfhdbhjsakjhfn

oh man I forgot about how they met that race of Transformers But More 

the one-upsmanship hbvkajsbehfjks

whirrrrrl lmao I love whirl sm

goddddd whirl just killing that other alien and ending the 16 million yr long civil war bvkjsdbfhjjkafs so fucking much

oh god oh god the ‘are you happy’ page, I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this like, ever

but I will say I feel like it would be EVEN MORE oof if it were milne or someone drawing it bc I feel like this art style takes away from some of the impact bc the expressions aren't really that...expressive? idk how to put it

anyways. every single answer destroys me!!! like even the happy ones, like chromedome and rewind and tailgate - well, in present time, none of those three are doing so hot, so that makes this just hurt 

and rung....that is so fucking depressing. jesus. this guy is so fuckng sad, somebody get him a friend stat

and swerve...ouch. this readthru I've really noticed how much early-mtmte swerve is not-so-subtly like, crying out for help bc he’s so alone and shit. jesus 

also brainstorms response is just plain ole sad w/context, but at this point in the story without context, it just seems very foreboding lmao. I'm realizing this readthru that brainstorm is very sketchy and ominous in a particular ‘is he evil?’ mad scientist sorta way in early mtmte

and then everyone else is also just so OOF in their own unique sad ways, but I think the worst out of everyone is drift....GODDDDDD. especially considering that at this point in the story, drift is this kinda goofy hippy guy, so seeing him just sit there with his face in his hand, not even answering the question...AND knowing that shortly after this he’ll end up banished...IT FUCKING HURTS M8!

meanwhile, the more upbeat ‘quest to see rungs alt mode’ continues...with an ‘alt mode party’ vhbadkjsdfnabskjf it looks so silly with a bunch of cars just sitting around a table lmao

I cant even tell who everyone is bc they so rarely turn into cars n shit lmaoooooo 

rodimus with the bucket on his head hbvhakjbfskjf I CANT

everyone’s reactions to thunderclash...i fucking love it

the fact that TAILGATE doesn't hate him, even though we’ve seen that tailgate tends to dislike people who are universally liked/who have achieved a lot of impressive things

rodimus you petty thot vbdkjbfdjhsakjdf ily

RODIMUS IS SO FUNNYYYYYY ‘I'm not making all these sacrifices and leading these guys into battle and being inspirational - I'm not doing that because it makes me look good’ RODIMUS VBHSKJDFNBKSJF

thunderclash talking about magnus’s article on typefaces....hdbksjfsdbkjgfb bro

AND THEN MAGNUS HUGS HIM....HGBSKJFDSHFKD I CANT

POOR DRIFT bvhajkdfbhjkjsfd rodimus saying he ‘rehabilitated him’ oh my god

the whole spectralism thing...im sorry I cant get over how funny all this is vbakdjfbksjf thunderclash rlly b out here charming rodimus’s entire crew

and then ratchet comes in, calling tc ‘thunders,’ and tc immediately notices ratchets new hands (somehow) hvbkjfhbskjf truly amazing

it cracks me up that rodimus is all 😒😒 at thunderclash, even though as we come to find out, tc really IS That Perfect, and him complimenting rodimus isn't sarcasm at all lmao

AND THEYRE LOOKING FOR THE KNIGHTS OF CYBERTRON TOO HVSDHFJBSHKHDFJS OF COURSE

the vis vitalis being a life support machine spaceship is a really cool concept tho

‘rescuing some orphans from an exploding sun’ I fucking cant

evil guy: [holds a gun to thunderclash’s head] 

rodimus: :D finally something doesn't go his way!

he’s so petty I’m..........dkdjhfdabhduifadijgl

and its the aliens from earlier! oooh

GODDD I forgot that swerve used rung in mystery stick mode to SCHWACK the guy

rung casually dropping the fact that the functionists like, experimented on him...there's a lot of implications there, and that'll certainly be explored more later...

the fact that his ID card says ‘rong’ hvbhjakhdsbfakhsjfn 

oughufadkfujbsfk the circle of light throwing wrenches n shit at skids...guys cmon vbhsdjkfnslfd

the circle of light is like ‘wtf you all have trauma and a bunch of weird unhealthy coping mechanisms this is wack byeeeee’ lmao

skids calling the lost light his home is rlly sweet tho

cant believe the religious space hippy cult is being so rude about a film made by a guy who died like a week ago. unreal 

cd finally figured out how to make the pffft sound, good for him

AUGHHHHH the fact that rewind used ‘little victories’ as the title of the film and that's something that chromedome said in the video ;_; I'm fucking inconsolable 

rodimus, despite his obvious posturing for the camera during the whole issue, comes off as surprisingly genuine when he says that he hasn't thought about his own future much, but wants the crew to have a happy ending....im gonna cry

‘who knows what's around the corner?’ tailgate, PLEASE don't say that, oh my god, 

OUGHHHH GROUP SHOT 

OHHH mannnnNNNNN i love this issue SO MUCH. what a good fun emotional rollercoaster wrap-up to mtmte s1. god. 

like, this issue has it all - humor, drama, crippling sadness, intrigue, worldbuilding...it’s so excellent 

and getting to see rewind again hurts so bad but also I love him

ok quick mtmte s1 retrospective...god s1 is so fucking good. I'm gonna have to read more to say which chunk of mtmte I liked best but s1 is so fucking excellent that it might be my favorite. though its hard to pick bc there's so much good stuff later on too...whatever, the point is s1 is so so good

the plotlines and characters are fucking stellar. like I cant even believe how well Everything works, its very impressive. I cant really think of anything major that made me go ‘yeah could've done without that plotline/character’

I love how dedicated jro is to connecting everything. I've mentioned it before but basically every single moment in the series has payoff - what you initially think is just a funny moment, or a fluffy character establishment bit, ends up ALSO being an important plot point later, in some way

an example would be here w/rung and his alt mode - it just seems like a fun little B-plot for this issue, and seems to pretty neatly conclude with the reveal that rung was eventually classified as an ‘ornament’ (lmao)...but we later on get to see a lot more about this, both here and in the functionist universe 

and like, stuff like tailgate’s autobot lessons w/magnus - at first that can be seen as purely character establishment stuff, showing that magnus is a strict rule-lover and tg is a loveable try-hard good boy - but that becomes plot relevant in remain in light, with tailgate saving the day due to his knowledge of the autobot code (and its also character relevant, with magnus’s arc in remain in light). 

and I know this is like. a normal regular thing in writing, but I'm just very impressed about how cleanly jro pulls it off, and how many things he’s juggling at once, especially in early mtmte - it’s very ambitious!

and we gotta remember, this is a comic book. I've read a lot of comic books, and the quality is all over the place. a lot of writers bite off more than they can chew, and the story ends up kinda scattered as a result. 

another thing I see a lot in franchise writing like this is a lack of strong early character establishing due to the author assuming the readers are at least somewhat familiar with the characters already - which can be totally fair depending on where it is in the continuity, but other times it can come off as lazy

in mtmte, the cast is extremely well fleshed out, and not only that, the cast itself is unique in that there are a lot of relative unknowns (franchise-wise) - which I think was an absolutely brilliant move, because then jro was able to essentially create The Definitive Version of these characters - characters like swerve, brainstorm, chromedome, rewind, tailgate...mtmte is their baseline characterization, because they haven't really appeared in much else

this also allows for deviation from the franchise norms - again, a comic book classic is good writing being stifled by a need to stick to a certain status quo regard the characters, the world, the powers, relationships, etc

(I've mostly read DC comics, and some marvel, so I'm thinking superheroes w/all these comic comparisons)

so mtmte had a good recipe for genuine creativity in that the characters were relative unknowns, the plot was basically ‘space road trip,’ the status quo of ‘autobot vs decepticon war’ had been demolished throughout the entire franchise...so jro was able to take all that and run, and it turned out so fantastic

and luckily it isn't over yet! so many comics suffer from premature cancellation...and sadly mtmte/ll isn't exempt from this, as we’ll see later, but I've seen some awful ones, where comics are forced to wrap up in like 2 issues while in the middle of an arc. yikes. 

but another comic staple...one of my least favorite things about comics books in general...something that was basically responsible for driving me away from comics after reading a bunch...the dreaded crossover event

yep, even mtmte isn't immune to this unfortunate plague on the comic industry. crossover events are the absolute worst, and I'm saying this as somebody who adores crossovers (in concept more than execution usually). they SHOULD be my favorite, but unfortunately they p much always completely suck

they're essentially a ploy to get you to read the other ongoing titles, but they usually only serve to bog down whatever story you're reading to the point where you don't even wanna read that one anymore, let alone read all the other ongoings. at least, that’s been my experience 

it doesn't help that reading orders tend to be hard to find/keep track of, and that you need to go read the other series to know what's going on. I just hate it, like, I came here to read THIS series, I don't want a bunch of other series showing up too - even if I was reading two series, I wouldn't want them crossed over, because they're separate stories! augh!

I'm totally losing my focus here but my point is...crossover events suck, and mtmte unfortunately is involved in one. I have not read dark cybertron, and I'm not about to. I've heard nothing but bad things so I have no desire to inflict that upon myself 

soooo ill be reading through the tfwiki articles for those issues to give myself a better understanding of what went on - which is more than I've ever done in the past - and maybe ill even make a single post summarizing my thoughts on what I read in the wiki, lmao

but yea ill be skipping to the mtmte s2 stuff next 

phew ok I'm super tired, my vision keeps blurring out and stuff lmao. its time for bed, I probably have more thoughts but ill save them for later. for now...peace out!

[donnerpartyofone]

A few years ago there was this moment where I got a ton of anonymous messages from some far right asshole about the usual shit--Hillary, the corrosive force of immigration, inherently evil ethnic and religious groups, etc. The messages were weird in that most of them seemed to be copied and pasted out of the middle of some article somewhere, but there was never a source mentioned, and there was never enough information for me to get the whole picture even if I really cared about all this "proof" that black and brown people should be kicked out of Sweden or whatever the point was supposed to be. Some of the messages were actually written by the sender, and they all sounded pretty stereotypically crazy: rude, vague, delirious references to conspiracies, pedophilia, brainwashing, etc on the left, or really just orbiting around Clinton. (This is totally tangential, but to this day I'm convinced that all these reactionary nutbags just want to fuck Hillary Clinton, I mean the enduring, overheated obsession with her has extended so far beyond the the sphere of her electoral campaign or any threat of her achieving greater power that there has to be a reason these freaks keep bringing her up, bringing up the fevered vision of a woman dominating them along with the entire country, a compelling reason, perhaps a BIOLOGICAL reason) I'm still embarrassed about this, but I engaged with this person, posting their inane drivel to try to vivisect it, to explain why it was so stupid and ineffectual. I wasn't that worried about giving them a platform, since the messaging was so primitive and hard to understand if you weren't already on his side, but that was exactly my point: When you make yourself sound like an escaped lunatic in a doomsday sandwich board sign, who is supposed to take anything you say seriously? How could it have any effect besides undermining whatever you're trying to support? That effect, and the strengthening of convictions held by lefties like me, who would naturally like to be as opposite of your raving inarticulate ass as possible? And besides all that, my blog had a pretty apolitical appearance at the time, so why was anon assuming I was this passionate Clinton shill? I mean, fuck him and his bigoted garbage, OF COURSE, but I couldn't figure out how he had targeted me personally for this treatment.

The point that I wish I had gotten then was, it didn't matter. It might have been the result of one of those things you hear about from time to time, about how supposedly a bunch of mean jerks from 4chan (or whatever the current iteration is) are going to conduct a "raid" on Tumblr, like they're going to seek and destroy liberal snowflakes and precious cinnamon rolls with their, uh...incredible verbal prowess I guess. Surely the point was just to get me all riled up so someone could say that they pwned me, although I don't know what the reward of this pwning was supposed to be besides the "made you look!" thrill of tricking me into talking to or about them. I'll never understand the perspective of the kind of person who thinks that you "win" something when someone blocks you online, as if blocking isn't just a way of saying "You are literally worthless." It's interesting how that line of troll thinking works, it seems to suggest something like, "Ah, you should have KNOWN that I was nothing but an insignificant piece of shit with nothing to say, but you treated me like I was worth talking to, so therefore I WIN!" I strongly suspect that all of troll culture (I mean, not LEGIT trolls who bait you with patently stupid decoy ideas, but these little garbage people who bait you with their real actual opinions) is predicated on an urge to masochism, that this kind of person is always a spineless perverted weakling who craves insults and punishment, who feels in their very bones that they deserve the worst, who is at all times secretly drooling to slurp on the delicious bootheel of Hillary Clinton, long after her rally balloons have been found deflated and dangling from the network of powerlines crisscrossing the Real America...

But that reminds me of another self-loathing lunatic of my acquaintance, my ex-boyfriend. Yes, really, but I swear to god this is going somewhere. He was an intelligent guy, a lit major who had graduated with honors from a reputable liberal arts school, an editor at a respected arts & culture publishing house who fancied himself a progressive thinker who stood up for the freedoms of others--and who, I slowly found out, used his enthusiasm for Obama and The Daily Show to mask the noxious brew of casual racism and virulent misogyny that made up his fuel for living. When we were dating, I thought that we had problems, and I thought dealing with problems was a normal part of adult relationships; I thought the opposite of constantly struggling for peace, honesty, and respect was "expecting life to be like a fairy tale", which I certainly did not want to be accused of. So I didn't get what was going on when he would choose some arbitrary trigger for an abusive episode, and I would try, and fail, to resolve whatever was bothering him. I bought in to the idea that we were both intelligent people with respect for one another's intelligence, and that it was possible for us to get at the heart of any trouble through calm and rational discussion. He often gave me plenty of breadcrumbs to follow, indicating that there were REASONS that he was angry with me, which led me to believe I could fix everything by clearing up misunderstandings, since I had never conspired to do anything to him but try to love him. (Although sometimes he wouldn't even tell me what I had supposedly done, intoning "You're a clever girl, you'll figure it out" in a sneering Joan Crawfordesque voice--I should have known then that he didn't need or even want a good reason to attack me) But, his debate style, if I can call it that, involved screaming, changing the subject, repeating whatever I said back to me in a "r*tard voice", impugning my character (or that of my family and friends) in ways that had nothing to do with the argument, and other tactics that ensured that his opportunity to hurt and terrorize me lasted for hours or days. I missed the fact that for him, the fight wasn't a resolvable interruption of our relationship, it was the entire point of the relationship.

The most brilliant thing he'd ever done--though I don't want to call it that, since this has more to do with base instincts than brains--was to use my intelligence against me. If I had placed more importance on my own feelings than I did on "being fair" and "making sense" of our conflicts, then I would have escaped before I had to develop this whole behavioral theory that I am delivering to you now. By producing "reasons" for his anger, he made me think there was a debate to be had, and that the person with the superior logic would win out. I was convinced that would be me, since I knew the Truth, and he was just confused by his inner demons (drugs and alcohol, his shitty friends who "made him" do bad things, his supposed trauma from the last relationship he deliberately destroyed, his inferior parents who made him look bad by being "visionless ant people", and whatever other excuses he surfaced whenever it benefited him to play the tragically injured good guy). What I know now is, all abuse is the same, and it doesn't need or want to justify itself. Its only aim is the free reign of violence. It has no interest in truth or justice of even the most deformed variety. Its goal is to give unfiltered vent to all forms of hatred. The fact that it disguises itself with a mask of rationality, made up of straw men, false equivalences, dubiously construed "facts" arranged into artificial patterns, and other distractingly logical-looking tactics, does not mean that what is inside operates on, or is vulnerable to, actual logic. It's all just id monster shit. Do not interact.

[tazanna-blythe]

Done

Chapter 2

Chloe's room at the hotel:

"Sooo your plan is simple but scary and a lot of work not to mention you need a lot of money...….. I'm in!!!!!!"

" hahahahaha your the only person i know that love's this kind of sh*t"

" Who wouldn't and you know that i love big reveals especially Liela hahahaha I would pay big money to see her reaction after this hahaha"

"Dont worry I'll have the footage *smile evilly*"

"Oohhhh *smile's evilly* goody, well all of this is well and good but how can you ask ladybug to cooperate with us besides can you even contact her? And as I can recall ladybug also has a big part of this?"

"Oh she'll agree to it "

*Rises her eyebrow*" and how?? Oh great one?"

" easy, because will help her find hawkmoth!"

"WHAT!? Are you crazy?"

"Almost hahahahaha"

"Wait hold up i thought that this is just revenged on that lying bitch so why do WE have to find hawkmoths lair. Us? 2 teenagers ? With no super powers well I'm the queen bee but MARINETTE we're gonna get killed!"

" don't you want yo get this hawkmoth thing over with?"

"Yes of course but …"

"Where not really gonna fight hawkmoth will just find him that's all"

"But why ?!!can't we just go for liela and let ladybug have hawkmoth?"

"Chloe think about it! She's Volpina twice and Chameleon and all of those happened only seconds after she gets mad seconds! Normal people at least takes 2 minutes or more to get akumatized and for the fact that thanks to your daddy being paranoid about your safety, she forgot that their are newly installed cctv cameras in our school and got caught in the action accepting the akuma without hesitating, she even caught the akuma in her hands and put it in her necklace on.her.own!!"

*silence*

"She accepted the? akuma"

"Yes"

"She caught it? With her bare hands?"

"Yes!"

"She's helping hawkmoth?"

"Yes"

"So if we reveal her without hawkmoth defeated, she'll come after us?"

"1000000% Yes"

"She' a terrorist?"

"Yes"

"Let's kill her!"

"As much as I want to but no."

"Oh come on your going back to your goody goody state again !!"

" Chloe if we kill her will she pay all the things she did to me??"

"No..."

"I want her to suffer the way i suffered , I want to see her crumble and most of all i want her to experience that feeling of being truly alone and helpless"

"Ok so how do we start?"

"Will do nothing"

"What? Can you explain please"

"Will do nothing to her, we are not gonna expose her we will let her tell her tale then we record it every single lie she says"

"Ok how?"

" You and Sabrina of course"

"Ok how?"

"Do you see this "holds her hair ties " this has hidden cameras on it it been recording everything since this morning" *smirking*

"Oohhh I see so I would wear a camera on me to school to get evidence, got it but how are we gonna get Sabrina to ware one?"

" Sabrina love fancy cute things just buy her a new broch and put a camera to it but hers would be connected to our computer wirelessly so we don't have to take it away from her and tell her it REALLY expensive so she won't take it of"

"Got it , gather evidence then what?"

"I'll work for your mother to get money and help me in my career but ill go as MDC so Liela doesn't know and destroy my future"

"Ok so how long are we gonna get evidence?"

"Just for a week Chloe that's all and do you know someone who is good at making a short movie??"

"Yes why?

" well we need someone to edit our evidence beautify of course if not how are we gonna let our future children watch this?"

"I can do that, i'll order the broch with special features now and you go and talk to my mother she's home by this time"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Soo Marinette what are you doing here?"

"Chloe told me that you have a business proposition for me?"

" ahhhh! So Chloe told you .. let's make this fast , i want you to be our new designer in my company in America, ill make your brand the most expensive and famous there is. So what do you say?"

" I want a house waiting for me in America and a full scholarship in one of the best schools there"

"Well that very easy, any more request?"

"I want to be called MDC for a while until I go to America"

"Sure and when will you go to America?"

"When this school year ends it's only 2 months left and i want to prepare my gifts to my classmates"

"Sure, all you have to do is sign the contract tomorrow and ill also give you your first project tomorrow so . Go!!! And tell your parents go come here tomorrow too id like to talk to them"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That went well Mari!"

" Yes it did Tikki and Tikki?"

"Yes Marinette?"

"An akuma butterfly can be caught by a camera right?"

"Yes it can"

“How much energy well take for you to make a ladybug robot with camera on it the same with my hair ties?"

"1 robot ladybug? Easy i can make 10 ezpz"

"Um tikki I need 100 of them"

"Well I need a lot of sweets then!!"

"Well I live in a bakery so no problem"

"Marinette? Can't we just look at the cctv cameras in the city ?"

"No Tikki the cctvs are only covering the streets of parish and we can't go it in every homes to scout that will take a lot of the and effort and lawsuits even if they know it's ladybug"

"Oh ok ,let's go back to Chloe lets see what she's doing?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So how it go?"

"Your mom said that ill take my parents here tomorrow for the signing of contract and talk to them"

"Ohhhh and I already ordered my new trinkets and the techie guy is coming tomorrow to discuss our "movie" hahahaha I'm already can see it now it's going to be epic hahahha!!!"

"Um Chloe wont your dad get suspicious about hiring that guy? I mean it not gonna be cheap you know?"

"Of course he doesn't mind I'm just gonna say that this is a secret farewell movie we are planning for our classmates and it'll be fine"

"As you say so and Chloe no one must now this ok please … and remember act natural tomorrow and no exposing liela ok"

"Ok got it!"

"Ok bye chloe see you tomorrow"

"Bye!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Home/bakery:

Sabine was getting worried this past few months her daughter is getting more and more depressed by the day and hardly even wants to go to school again. She was scared that maybe someone's hurting her baby. And she also notices that she's not hanging out with her friends like she used to.

For example today she saw her friends all huddled up in the park and her being a supportive mother she quickly packed a basket full of goodies blankets and juice to give to them ,but as she was approaching them she heard all of the nasty things they have to say about her daughter which was not true and very hurtful not only to her but also to her baby.

And after she calmed herself she notice that marinette wasn't with them and she realized that something was very wrong and quickly connect the dots that her sweet baby was being bullied and these are not her friends and she will get to the bottom of this.

After that she left and told her husband everything of course he won't believe her at first but as she explain everything regarding about their daughter's past behavior her solemn and tired face he believed her and wants to get to the bottom of this so both of them quickly cleaned up the store and closed it and waited for Marinette two come home.

She notice Marinette coming home today was how her daughter normally acts happy, cheery and full of life but now she realized that it was fake and forced. Now she was more determine to know the truth.

"Marinette how's school today?"

"It was fine Mamma "

"Marinette before you go to your room we need to talk"

"Talk about what?"

"First of all how was school REALLY ? This time the truth dear" tom said firmly telling Marinette not to lie.

Marinette was startled she didn't know what they where pointing at? Did Liela said another lie about her again? ,did her parents believed her? Did her so called friends told her parents that she was bullying someone?.

As Marinette was having an internal turmoil her mother now confirms it and demands an explanation now or else she's really going to explode and an angry mama is not good especially mama protecting her baby that knows how to fight adding an akuma equals bloodbath and no one can stop her not even her husband.

So now Marinette doesn't have a choice and told them everything that's happening to her well except the ladybug part and well the expression on her parents was both furious and sad.

Now there was silence for a while and both Sabine and tom are calming themselves so that they won't be akumatized.

Sabine couldn't hold herself she pulled Marinette into her arms and hugged her as tight as she can silently comforting both of them.

Marinette couldn't take it anymore she burst into tears and let it all out. all of those months of frustrations and emotions are now released and she no longer can't hold it .in the end it all results into a big family hug which Marinette so desperately needs.

While all of this is happening nobody noticed a flock off akuma butterfly flying rapidly to the house which all of them flying straight to a force field that quickly purifies which leads to a very very very mad hawkmoth.

"Can somebody tell me what is happening"

"I don't know sir"

"I can sense it a very strong negative energies but why can't I akumatized them!"

"I don't know sir maybe i can help. Dusu spread my feathers"

*Mayura's transformation sequence*

"Fly away my beautiful amok go and enhance and hone that frustration" with that said she plucked a feather from fan and release it. Before it even past the school Nathalie suddenly felt a sharp and overwhelming pain in her chest letting her transformation go and collapsing

"NATHALIE " hawkmoth screamed at caught her before she hits the floor.

"This is enough for today Noro dark wings off" hawk moths transformation is of and now revealing Gabriel in his place.

"Noro what was happening ,why didn't my akuma worked?"

"Master I think someone's blocking you both I don't know who?"

"Well as a said its enough for today" with that Gabriel carried Nathalie out of the lair and into the living room sofa.

With the Dupain- Cheng family

After comforting and calming themselves they head for there rooms with the light heart.

"Marinette how do you feel" tikki ask tiredly and softly

" I'm fine now thank you. I feel as if a large elephant lifted off my shoulders and for the fact that the eyes stings and its bloody red but overall I'm really fine and happy"

" I'm glad you really needed it"

" I know now I think I can rest easy cause it's not my turn to patrol tonight, well at least until chat noir has another hissy fits and come here instead of doing his job"

"Well Marinette until then let's have some rest " Tikki yawns as soon as she said that

"Mmmmmm i wonder why none in my family got akumatized since we were very emotional just now?" Marinette said and looked at tikki with a thankful look

"You needed it Marinette and i love you and most of all your human you need to released it or else you'll go crazy" tikki smiled at her lovingly

"Ok thanks again … come here tikki we need to rest tomorrow gonna be a busy day" with that tikki flew to Marinette's and slept.

An hour later a shadow figure appeared on Marinette's window and knocked on it furiously for 20 minutes, knocking some glass after window and after some thinking the person just destroyed the window saying cataclysm then he walked in and was disappointed.

When he walked in he saw Marinette's back and sleeping soundly and after some internal debating with himself he left and went straight home and he completely forgot about patrolling and the broken window.

Previous ~ Next

Tag list :

@sonif50 @iglowinggemma28 @kuroko26 @northernbluetongue @xxmadamjinxx @mochineko @zalladane @2sunchild2 @vixen-uchiha

Who ever wants to be tag just tell me 😘😘😘