#look what my amazing friend did
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i still orbit you, and nothingās changed, but if thereās no name to love, everything has changed. (cr. namuspromised, lyric translation doolsetbangtan)
happy birthday @cordiallyfuturedwight ššš
#bts#btsedit#btsgif#dailybts#btsdaily#jin#seokjin#kim seokjin#kim taehyung#jung hoseok#min yoongi#dailybangtan#userbangtan#userdimple#usersan#heyryen#userpat#tuserandi#raplineuser#annietrack#userkelli#usersky#***#dont mind me reposting this bc tumblr hates me BUT HAPPY BIRHTDAY KAYLA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im typing this as im getting ready for work teehee#anyways hi ily idk how u feel abt this song but the vibe felt right and also um Look At Them u kno. esp hobi what the fuck hes so !!!!! OK#ANYWAYS THIS IS ABT YOU. and ILY !!!! idk what i did to deserve ur support and kindness and friendship but i am so thankful that you#decided you wanted to keep me around bc truly u are so amazing and i hold you so close to my heart. u are one of a kind. and im so lucky#to call you a friend. you are so important to me !!!! and i hope u have the best day ever !!!! you deserve it !!!!!!#OK I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ILY PLS I WILL GET BETTER AT SHOWING U HOW MUCH ILY I PROMISE ā„ā„ā„
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shi.n's amnesia later route is such an out of character experience bc wdym someone this cute shows me all the love they have for me and i dont healthily communicate with him that im feeling overwhelmed by it.
#ā Ā Ā šššš ššššššš Ā Ā ā§½ Ā Ā ā Ā ooc.#GONNA BE HONEST. EVERY OTO.ME PLAYTHROUGH I DO IS OOC FOR ME - i refuse to change the name of the mc unless they make me and even then i#didnt give the heroine my name im sorry heroine ... mainly bc im also playing from a rpers perspective FHDJKADHSJK#but this route is a sharp edged sword. i dont know if i can ever finish it ( i mean i can bc things get resolved and they DO communicate! )#and it goes onto one of the most respected endings ive seen for a chara: having the good ending as him moving away to another place but you#guys staying together long distance bc thats rep! we need!#its just the fact that even min.e and saw.a explain that what is happening isnt fair on him and the convo ends with avoidance ...#that is NOT my heroine sweetie what did they do to you#much love for heroine and everything she stands for but this CANNOT! be me sorry#shin would literally be like perf for the waiter position but he hates everyone but his two childhood friends im sorry you're never catchin#him acting like this unless you're them#hes just young and very forward. very blunt too if he wants a kiss he will inform and then take ... hes tryinggggg ....#anyway good morn i was looking at these at 3am for icons and then promptly fell asleep#time to write one last draft and then queue all i have - ill have 5 drafts left over in total :')#between my two blogs which is! amazing! but i will be focusing on inboxes after ive edited them all#omw to do the amnesi.a call this week. and plotting messages#we're going far kiddssss
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Just saw someone my age (a friend of mine) do something insanely talented, while having straight A's and in a relationship with a good looking dude
Me sitting here on my bed eating chips with no social or romantic life, zero talents and average grades
Day ruined.
Hell week ruined.
#why am i friends with the most amazing people#while im the most mediocre person ever#and the fact that the dude while good looking is a piece of shit#and she is genuinly one of the most beautiful and nicest people ik#what am i doing with my life#atleast i have chips ig#seriously fuck my life#how did i only recieve the loser loner side of regulus#and not the hot and talented part of him???
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Lookie what I got! The rarest of collector's editions, with only one in existence! (There's an @ symbol in place of a Ā© on the title page.)
(There's only one because I fixed it after I ordered my proof copy.)
Someday this will be very valuable, for sure!
#optimism ftw#why yes I do feel a bit stupid for that rather boneheaded error#but instead of dwelling on that I'd rather think about how much people will surely appreciate it years in the future#my writer friends are very talented you see#and there are some great stories in here#I like to think that someday the anthologies we put together will be looked back on in amazement#because how could so many famous writers have known each other from the start?#it's a nice thought#no idea what the future really holds of course#but I enjoy this possible future#just like I enjoy writing about Narcissus as a vampire who wants a reflection#and the walking-out-of-the-underworld Orpheus & Eurydice story as cyberpunk#there are many other cool things in here#and it comes out soon!#and pre-orders are up!#everywhere but Amazon for some aggravating reason!#clearly they are Too Big To Fail and no one is going to give them a proper kick in the pants for not getting their act together#like they were supposed to weeks ago#here's hoping their page works by launch day at least#we'll see#anyways!#yay I have my proof copy!#and it looks good!#I did the cover myself#my objectivity is shot but I think it turned out nice and professional#Shatterlore#book recs#indie author life#bookblr
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#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs#to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her#so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their#master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was#awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives.#everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor.#she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest#sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her.#and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism#y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit#was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then#everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite#her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for#them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor#bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired#i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do?#unrelated
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attack I did for my friend Magika and I'm super proud of! I love fake media. Hell yeah for me
#also the japanese in this must be extremely fucked up I did use translator yeah#i had the ambition of looking for someone who could proof read what I wrote but you know... time...#if anyone knows how to improve this I would be happy to hear though#also go check my friend out theyre amazing thanks#my art#art#artists on tumblr#illustration#ocs
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i just had a dream that nick and roger were playing around during rehearsal with gongs and then when rick tried to start playing around with them, nick just did this fluoride stare and roger just side eyed the hell out of rick
#im so heartbroken#this is how i imagine their dynamics#and itās why i get sad learning that they all gradually grew apart ):#like guys you need to be best buds for the sake of ME being happy#your lore is already bad enough so why canāt you guys be besties#like what if they really didnāt like rick#what if this actually happened where roger and nick only saw themselves as a duo#like what if they were like mean high school exclusive cliques#to be honest this dream reminded me of myself and how i tried to fit in with a lot of different groups in school to no avail#rick is me and i am he#david wasnāt in this dream but i did dream about him yesterday#it was just him as he is now walking in this jet terminal ?#and for some reason he was being ushered by these people in safety vests#while his wife polly was talking to me and my best friend about him#i donāt know what she was saying but i remember thinking wow this lady really fucks with her bae#pink floyd#richard wright#david gilmour#roger waters#nick mason#syd barrett#also after all of that the dream turned into my bedroom and for some reason i had TONS of BEAUTIFUL pink floyd posters that looked amazing#the colors were so vibrant#the posters were dsotm-esque#but still amazing#im a yapper what can i say
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Overwhelmed by nostalgia actually
#this will sound SO elitist of me#but#i miss my summer course at the boarding school that was closed after the summer and they carved out an artificial lake on the manor grounds#and converted the cozy two-person dorm rooms to have bunk beds to fit six to eight kids#apparently they also 'refurbished' a historic building on the site :(#i mean i'm glad someone is taking care of the site - it's so beautiful#but i miss the way it was soooo much and there's no way to go to that place again except in memories#and then !! sequel - cambridge 2019#granted it would probably be much the same as a town if i went in summer again but it really was when i learned how much i love university#but yeah deeply sad and insane about [redacted] manor i miss it sooooo much#one of my teachers actually really liked me and wanted to seriously talk about me studying there full time oabdlskdƶdldƶfo#obviously it was never going to happen because who pays english boarding fees when you can study 100% for free at home#but what if in an alternate universe i did study there#idk i don't feel that sad about THAT missed chance#mostly because i'm legit replicating it w my master's#but i do wonder if i'm going to spend the rest of my life chasing similar places and the way i felt that summer when i was 15 š„¹#if you send me a dm and we're friends etc i will show you pictures of the manor because it looks amazing
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me whenever someone gives me unsolicited opinions about myself:
#thinking about the time a friend of mine did this#and she does this a lot bc she's older and ofc sees herself as 'more knowledgeable' or w/e#which hey sometimes she is#mostly i take her opinions with a grain of salt but she said something to me recently that just#idk it rubbed me the wrong way. and i keep thinking about it.#ider what we were talking about but somehow we got on the subject of romantic relationships#and i basically said i'm not opposed to one but i'm NOT looking. like at ALL. not even a little bit.#but if something happens someday great!#she proceeds to tell me literally right after i say this#that i should work on my appearance then because i'm 'a little plain'. not ugly or anything just...plain.#which hey i know already btw and it doesn't really bother me#i wear make up and am not against it at all. i think it's amazing to see what people can do with it tbh.#and if people wanna wear it i'm all for it#i personally don't like the way it feels on my skin so i use as little as possible#just enough to cover things like my acne scars or other imperfections that i feel self conscious about#i'd love to get to a point where i feel comfortable NOT wearing make up actually#and that's not even to say that i'd NEVER get dolled up or whatever#it's just not something i enjoy doing on a regular basis ya know?#and honestly? any future partner i have should be aware of that bc you're gonna get plain ol' non-makeup-wearing me 99% of the time#and if that's a problem with them then i don't even wanna waste my time on them#so yeah when she said this to me i was annoyed#bc fr wtf does that have to do with me not looking for a partner??? lol#*sigh* ik she was probably just trying to help in her own way but like#just don't k? k.#/rant#sorry i had to get that out somewhere lmao#it's been driving me crazy#ignore me
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#found a letter i wrote to my ā18 year old selfā when i was 10#god 10 year old me was so full of life#so ready to do things#she was obsessed with getting her way and working for it#now someone tells me to do hard work and i just. stop breathing#and ive fulfilled little me's wish of getting into BHU and still being friends with my childhood friends#but the last line. the last fucking line.#āits ok if you dont do any of that as long as you are happy and mumma and papa love you and are proud of youā#WHAT IF I CRIED#happy? mumma proud of me? what are those but little whims#mere fantasies that can never be fulfilled#10 year old shanti wished for something and did everything in her power to achieve it#she knew she wasnt talented and said āok then hardwork it isā#19 year old shanti is tired. exhausted. done.#i know im not talented and i'll only get my way through hardwork. and i dont. fucking. want to.#is it even worth it?#im not even as happy as i thought id be#i want to be 10#i want to run around with scraped knees#to drink glucon-D and laugh with my friends about fart jokes#i want to reverse time#i want my mother to look at me with love#i want her to stroke my hair and feed me my favourite meal and tell me its ok if im mediocre#10 year old me had her fucking shit together and didnt know it#āi love you older me. you're amazingā#thank you younger me. i hope you. atleast. are proud of me.#shanti ki ashanti suno
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#*shakes fist at sky angrily * dior sauvageā¦#i hate what youāve done to me#*gravely injures imaginary hand punching imaginary wall because houses here are made of conk crete*#maybe itās just him but what the fuck man#iām like a rabid dog#but like in a chill way (lying)#i am unwell#iāve actually been looking for a new daily fragrance cuz i canāt get dedcool milk here#iāve been wearing chanel sport which is quite nice but the top notes are a bit too bright and citrusy#the drydown is amazing though#i finally identified the scent after catching whiffs of it in airports and shopping malls for years lmao#anyway anyway#my darling love/ ex husband/ mortal enemy/ friend/ crush? literally smells so good i wanna kill myself#(cool. and unbothered)#he wears sauvage but i think itād be weird if i also did#maybe itāll smell different on me?#it would just be too confusing if i smelled like him all the time#iām thinking iāll try versace dylan blue#it was the bergamot+ambroxan combo that i really liked in dedcool milk as well#i got molecule 02 for layering cuz i loooove ambroxan#bro sauvage gets so much hate on fragrantica ion understand#itās like. so good. like crazy good. best thing i ever smelled itās like fucking pheromones or some shit#fucking hell#i should get a sample and see if itās actually the perfume or if iām really just that down bad#smh im going to bed yuzuās already asleep#iām too lazy to journal and ion wanna be blowing up peoples phones with my inane ramblings anymore you know
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If I had a coin for every time I have overfixated on something that had neon lights, guns, and characters in open shirts with striking patterns willing to commit murder for the person they love Iād have two coins. Which is not much, but also not weird that it happened twice once you understand that I love characters committing murders in open shirts with striking patterns under neon lights.
#romeo + juliet 1996#kinnporsche#kinnporsche vegas#look i can explain#i saw romeo+juliet when I was fifteen and my brain was still developing#so i did what any normal teenager with friends would do and I learned the whole script#yes they sorta buchered Shakespeare but the aesthetics of that movie??? incredible amazing spectacular#and it just hit me its similarities with my newest obsession and I went uh#i do have a type don't i#plus i'm sure i could find similarities between actual Romeo and Juliet and VegasPete if i tried hard enough#omw to write an AU where everything's the same except Vegas speaks in verse and no one says anything about it#except Kinn who keeps saying that is fucking obnoxious#and Pete who is in love by the second verse#sorry to my followers you'll have to endure the thoughts too stupid to tell my friends face to face#murders under neon lights is an undertapped genre if you ask me
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Song of the Day: January 12
"Monster" by The Automatic
#song of the day#an amazing coincidence in that this song is both on my big playlist I'm working through (and did play yesterday!)#And I heard it out and about today! playing on the in-house radio in the 'decks & dice' shop my friend was playing a MtG tournament in#very very fun#good song too 'what's that coming over the hill is it a monster is it a monster' makes excellent background music for tabletop time#sleepy as fuck now though it's past 4am (not looking at the clock. I can't bring myself to do it)#lol and good morning to sunkentowers! I hope the day beginning for you now is lovely
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āØpond theoriesāØ
#I don't have pond theories I have commentary on the latest episode which I got around to watching today#because I was watching gran turismo on sunday (amazing movie) (maybe an even better soundtrack I'm listening to it for the third time today#I just really love kat and thomas's dynamic I'm not saying I ship them I'm just saying they're just really fun to watch together#I know it was unrealistic to expect kat to smash a bottle of rum on thomas what with jacob dying in the background but can you#can you just imagine. if she did. can you imagine how great that would be.#and can you imagine how great it would've been to see him unceremoniously drop her into the ocean like. get drenched idiot.#the way home hallmark#also NOAH we finally got a NAME my word#it's so strange they waited this long to mention it like did I miss it before??#right now he's barely interesting but idk after that scene where they're singing in alice's room#I feel like he might have the potential to be a friend#I just don't want them to make it a ship because good grief do we need it (no)#and not everything has to be a ship#and also girl. alice. you barely know him. why??#alice asking why guys can't just say what they mean is the most relatable thing I've ever heard lol#I think it'd be interesting if nick put the pieces together that his alice and this alice are the same alice#it'd add to the chaos which would be fun#that look elliot gave nick at the fire on the beach was soooo so tired. he's just so tired.#and please WHAT happened at the estate WHAT went down at the party and WHAT happened in the past that elliot's so worried about#the way they're drawing this out is sublime#also how painful this is for kat?? and for del?? but especially kat in this episode?? wild#what a good episode#earl crow ramblings
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i donāt feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call itās rly fun ! but i just couldnāt bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: iām either super talkative or i go into my little shell and donāt say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments theyāll be like hey u ok? or theyāll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? thatās okay i donāt wanna think about that.#because like who cares? iām not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. iāll always love them anyways. and weāll always call.#iām glad i met them. theyāre all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#itās just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i canāt. and theyāre so understanding at the same time#they donāt get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you donāt regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this thereās like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like iāve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought iād get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me itās OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. theyāre cool#people really. really cool people
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#ive had an amazing year in this fandom#i saw louis and harry for the first time in seven years - the first time since my otra show#i somehow got so close to louis in berlin that he kept making eye contact with me and it was the first time i was surrounded by so many#pride flags apart from pride and i definitely felt safer than at pride there#i started rainbows for lights up which i will forever cherish and im forever grateful that you encouraged me because the entire hslot europ#was something absolutely amazing and magical#and in many ways it was obvious harry knew and then we did the Prague project for lights up and harry knew about it and did a double take#for the flag before the song even began#HE KNEW he LOVED IT and we had another rainbow project and a loml project and i stood so close he saw me#and thereās this interaction during which he definitely saw me and i saw the video the other day and am still gatekeeping it but#i had that#and it was one of the best days of my life and one of my best achievements and#seeing harry do what he does the way he does reminded me what i want to do in my life and who i want to be and was key in me taking the job#that i did a few weeks later that changed my life#i saw louis in freaking malaga at his own festival where i travelled by myself and it was a nightmare for many reasons but i DID IT and it#was an incredible show and we did an absolutely incredible rainbow project that was acknowledged by louis there#and that was acknowledged even afterwards when they registered copy the day after#i still canāt believe we pulled that off and he kept pointing to us like that and so many people said it was such an important moment#i made and met some of my best friends in this fandom to date this year#liz Petra Lisa raine hope im looking at you guys and i love you#i discovered and saw otp thanks to louis (and Petra)#i got to be here for harry and louisā new albums and achievements and world tours and it was INCREDIBLE and im so proud and it brought me#so much joy and happiness to be here and they really were with me during a majorly defining period of my life once again#so i am grateful and filled with love for the projects for the friends for the music for the memories for the shows i went to and am going#to next year (my teenage self absolutely cannot believe) and im excited for whatās to come#but right now with everything thatās going on im taking a short break from the fandom for the sake of my mental health and to consider how#i engage with the fandom and some matters in the future#iāll be back after new years probably and i hope you have an amazing start to the new year and spend calm holidays with those you love!!!!#love you guys!
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