#look up 'nokia 2023'

[utahlive]

Do you have a phone, Wilbur?

Thank you for the question! Mr. Soot didn't seem to have his phone on him today.

[transcript below]

Anonymous Caller:

Do you have a phone, Wilbur?

Wilbur Soot:

Some sort of Nokia, I think.

[jokeroutsubs]

Joker Out, who rose to popularity from the Eurovision Song Contest, starts off their European tour in Finland. A unique friendship was also born during the contest with Käärijä

Original article 

Caption: On their last visit to Finland, Joker Out surprised everyone by playing Cha Cha Cha. During the song, Käärijä also appeared on stage. Photographer Niina Mäenpää.

The Nordic gigs may also feature a tourist, Käärijä.

Original text and interview: Niina Mäenpää

A gold record from Finland, fans camped outside the venues from the early hours of the morning, the new song Everybody's Waiting streaming at a fast pace. Slovenian indie rock band Joker Out are going strong. The band, who emerged from last year's Eurovision Song Contest, have been super-popular in their home country for a long time, but it was the Eurovision Song Contest that blew them up.  

The European tour, which kicks off at the House of Culture this weekend, will run well into April. The band, who won a gold record  in Finland for their Eurovision song, Carpe Diem, will be coming to Helsinki for the second time. 

"We feel at home in Finland, and last time it was very cosy for us. Finns and Slovenians have a lot in common", says singer Bojan Cvjetićanin in a remote interview. 

Liverpool's Eurovision Song Contest not only left them with Europe-wide popularity, but also something else unique - a friendship with Jere Pöyhönen, aka Käärijä.

"Buddies for life. In all the Eurovision hype and chaos, we managed to find a very close friendship, and that is something truly unique", says Bojan.

After the weekend in Helsinki, the tour continues to Tallinn, Estonia. Käärijä will jump on board. 

"Jere will be joining us as tourists because he has some time off. We are definitely going to spend a lot of time together during those days", Bojan says. 

"Hopefully I'll get to the sauna in Finland too! I'm really looking forward to the gigs, and as Jere says, it's crazy, it's party."

See embed video on the original article: watch Joker Out reminisce about their experiences in Finland and Bojan imitating Käärijä.

Joker Out was seen at this year's UMK as Slovenia's point presenter, and the Nokia Arena went wild as Bojan, bassist Nace Jordan and drummer Jure Maček took the screen to present the points - Bojan wearing a green Käärijä shirt.

How did it feel to make an arena full of Finns scream remotely?

"We just hoped that our internet connection would last", drummer Jure laughs. 

The Nokia Arena was a special place for us, as the last time we saw the arena was when we drove past it during our gig in Tampere. Jere joked that, one day we'll make this arena, Bojan imitates his friend's rally English. 

So maybe a joint tour?

"Maybe we do, maybe we do, we’re gonna plan it now..." Bojan grins.

What is Joker Out?

Slovenian indie band, which describes their music as shagadelic rock ‘n’ roll

A Slovenian indie band, who describe their music as shagadelic rock and roll

Members: singer Bojan Cvjetićanin, guitar players Kris Guštin and Jan Peteh, bass player Nace Jordan and drummer Jure Maček.

Best known for Eurovision 2023, where the band jumped to popularity with their song Carpe Diem.

The new single ‘Everybody's Waiting’ tries a new musical direction and tells the story of the downsides of life in the crossfire of demands. The music video was directed by Bojan Cvjetićanin.

At the House of Culture Joker Out will play on Saturday 2nd and Sunday  3rd of March 2024. Saturday's concert is sold out, but there are still some tickets available for Sunday's extra show. Tickets on Lippu.fi.

Translated by @niini5 @drugsforaddicts @saallotar Proofread by IG Gboleyn123

[ashlingiswriting]

do i know you? chapter eight

[ chapter eight — 6.4k words ] [ masterlist ] [ prev chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven ] "well, now you know what to get me for christmas." richie jerimovich x reader, past mikey berzatto x reader, slow burn warning: drugs, insects

the next day, you wake to your customary darkness. outside your window light snow whispers against your window and thick clouds beyond promise there’s more where that came from. you pull a mini pizza from the freezer, crack an egg on top and put it in the toaster oven, call that protein. boil some water in your smallest pot. pull out your favorite chipped blue mug.

the dream did come last night, but its dread was dulled by early waking. you’re grateful for that. this is about as good as it gets, you think: tea on the way, a thick stillness enveloping your apartment, the city outside preparing to sleep while you keep watch. 

but wait, the phone. 

you go into your room and kneel by the bed.

michael’s small box is half-empty now that you’ve put his shirt in the wash, so the nokia is easy to find. when you flip it open, he’s there, waiting for you—one unread text—and in the sleepy silence, a bubble of incredulous unreality balloons and then bursts. it’s not michael.

they all blur into each other like drops of blood in water: you’re crushed to find that he’s still gone, relieved he’s still gone, guilty you were relieved, relieved that richie’s texted—no, happy—no, that’s embarrassing, but you can’t help it. it’s happiness and it’s something else. happiness is the warmth by your side and something else is the radiator.

the message turns out to be a single emoji, the one with the pink tongue sticking out. definitely richie. with no idea what that’s supposed to mean, you try to think of something equally silly. failing that, you pull up wikipedia on the phone and generate random wikipedia articles until you finally come across a fragment that strikes you as too beautiful to pass up. you weren’t looking for beautiful, but what the hell, it’s charmed you. copy, paste, and send.

> it was announced on january 30, 2023, that she will be writing an original poem dedicated to nasa's europa clipper. the europa clipper will launch in 2024, and by 2030, will be orbiting jupiter. limón's poem will be engraved into the craft.

not expecting an immediate reply, you replace the lid on the box and slide it back under your bed, only to hear the vibration of the phone against the wooden floorboards.

reading what he’s written makes you smile. proper punctuation and all, mimicking you. can’t tell if it’s meant to be snide or if he’s just matching what he thinks is your mood. you’ll take it either way.

> must be a bad motherfucker, that limon.

> must be.

> is she your favorite poet or something?

you feel a dissonant twinge of pride and shame. you once had a favorite poet, but that was a long time ago.

> i haven’t decided yet. are you getting better?

> i haven’t decided yet. i had three grape popsicles in bed for my breakfast, it’s kind of hard to argue with that.

> malingerer.

> i’m actually polish.

and so on. 

when he finally says goodbye so he can go back to sleep, you’re still laughing a little to yourself, and you’ve been kneeling there beside the bed for so long that your knees ache.

.

.

.

in the days that follow, richie texts you at exactly the time he’d usually visit. you stand outside like he’s still there, have a couple cigarettes, and enjoy the nonsense even as your fingertips go numb in the cold. once, he sends a picture of a meme so italian that you don’t get it. you obviously weren’t meant to get it, either, so you respond by sending him the middle finger emoji, which he, nonsensically, hearts.

if he needs help, he’ll ask for it, you think. you hope. he seems to be on the mend. anyways, you no longer feel that fear except in dreams, and you stop wondering when he’s gonna text and start expecting it, and then, less than a week later, he shows up. you know this because he texts, where are you?

you open the window and stick your head out into an eddy of snow. sure, you’re glad to see him, but: it’s too fucking cold for this!

he waves.

man was feverish for literally days and here he is in mid december with a hoodie under his leather coat but no scarf, absolute idiot, and so you close the window, go down to meet him, and break the rule. standing there, holding the door open, you say, c’mon. 

he’s surprisingly perceptive. he walks over, but he doesn’t cross the threshold, just pauses in front of you.

i don’t think we can smoke in there, he says.

we can’t, you say, moving back one more step, making even more room for him. or at least i can’t. i don't want to get evicted. my landlady will do it too.

yeah? he says, not moving. you're scared of her?

you shrug. you've moved back as far as you can, you're letting all the cold air in, and there's nothing you can do except say please.

you say, she's like four foot tall and a hundred years old, man. women that tiny that survive that long? you should be scared of them.

as if that was the final straw—though how could it be?—richie walks inside. without skipping a beat and for no reason you can figure out, richie walks inside.

learn my ways, sweetheart, he says, touching his chest and giving you his very best look of ridiculous condescension. old women love me.

as you close the door behind him, you fend off a stray, ridiculous burst of giddiness. it's just the lobby, pale linoleum floors and a single artificial plant by the elevators, but it feels radically different from the concrete outside. no cigarettes, no excuses. he’s only there for one reason.

old women do not love you, you say.

they do!

tina loves you. the rest of them, i don't know.

he snorts. you really don't want to be standing face to face with him for however long you’ve got him, so you lean on the wall instead, and he settles by your side the same way he always does.

when he looks over at you, there’s a hint of sly mischief in his eyes that makes you say, what?

wait for it, he says, and when you open your mouth, he holds up a finger.

you roll your eyes, but you hold your tongue with no idea what this is about, undisguised curiosity, and a readiness to be delighted.

you hear that? he finally says.

wind, maybe, or the distant rattle of a train? nothing special. you shake your head no.

that, richie says, is the sound of the sky not falling. 

knowing he noticed, that’s the worst thing about being told that everything is gonna be okay. it’s also the best thing. you shove him with a bony, solid elbow. i should’ve let you freeze.

he catches himself before he can topple, his smile gone goofy and so pleased. fuckin drama queen.

full han solo style, block of ice.

it was carbonite, not ice. how do you not know star wars?

course i know star wars, you lie. how do you live in chicago and not own a hat?

i have hats. i just also have a car.

uh-huh. if he wants to trade accusations, you’ve got a doozy you’ve saved up till you could turn it on him in person.  i noticed the other day that your place isn’t exactly in a location that makes my place ‘on the way home’ from the beef. 

he’s caught, not sorry. grins. you noticed that, did you.

yeah, i might not be from around here, but i still know north from south, all that shit. 

well okay, sherlock. you wanna charge me with a crime? the challenge in his eyes says it all; he knows you’re not unhappy to find he lied. 

you still need to get a hat, you say.

well, now you know what to get me for christmas.

you’re getting jack shit.

you already know what you’re getting him for christmas. 

.

.

.

kraft’s mac and cheese is a christmas tradition in a two-person slice of your family, and you’re one half of that slice, so mac and cheese is the first thing you think of when richie tells you he’ll be there for christmas eve. 

after that, it’s on to donna’s on christmas day. then i’m gonna kidnap carmy for some ice fishing, he says.

you ever been ice fishing before? you say. 

he splutters. do i not strike you as a, uh, an experienced-ass f—

no.

—fisherman and woodsman, and like—

nope.

—man of the… he gives up. whatever?

do you have a float suit? 

richie exhales smoke and fixes you with a look, annoyed but curious.

i’m carmen fucking sandiego, you say, by way of explanation. of course you’ve been ice fishing, you’ve been all over the world.  

sure you are, he says. he waves a dismissive hand. my buddy’s got all the stuff, we’ll be fine. it’s whatever, i just gotta get carmy out of the city so the only things he ends up killing are fish.

his first christmas since. you don’t have to finish the sentence.

yup, richie says.

it’s richie’s first christmas since, too, but there’s no call to say that. 

lapsing into a companionable silence and shrinking a little closer to the building as the wind picks up, you decide that you’re definitely gonna make him kraft mac and cheese for christmas eve. he wouldn’t take it as a letdown, he'd laugh at the single spinach leaf on top. he’d get it.

.

.

.

on christmas eve, ten minutes before you’re expecting richie to show up, you get a text message.

> need u 

it’s the wrong phone, though. it’s your work phone, and after everything those fuckers have done, they can’t possibly be calling you in on christmas eve. not now. your butter’s already cut, your colander’s in the sink, and you’re stirring the pot of boiling macaroni with a couple takeout chopsticks. they can’t—

the phone starts ringing. you pick up. 

fuck off, you say.

no wait! 

the voice is familiar; it’s kevin, a man so stupid that he once introduced himself to you out of anxious friendliness even though you’ve always made very clear that you don’t want to know anybody’s names. kevin must have you on speakerphone, because in the background, you can hear the telltale sounds of somebody else cursing in a continuous wretched stream. that piques your curiosity.

thirty seconds, you say. keep it clean. meaning, don’t give me names. 

kevin says, we were doing a thing and some stuff happened. 

that’s no use. he kept it a little too clean. you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose between two fingers. you were doing a thing on christmas eve?

we thought…look, can you just come? aren’t you on call? isn’t this your job?

you tell me, you say. it’s been radio silence on my phone for three weeks and i haven’t gotten paid for almost a month now. 

oh.

yeah, you say, knowing damn well that it’s not kevin’s fault, but more than happy to take this out on somebody. they fucking ghosted me.

sorry to hear that, man, he says awkwardly. 

a thought occurs to you. likelihood of the carusos being involved in some shitbrained christmas eve scheme pulled by kevin? nil.

was this even a sanctioned thing? you say. like, did—

you know what, it’s fine, kevin says hurriedly. it’s basically a flesh wound.

the guy in the background howls, i got shot in the fucking foot!

shut up, howie, kevin hisses. you hang up.

there’s no reason for you to get involved. no orders, no blackmail, and probably no money; plus, your timer is counting down the last minute of macaroni boiling and richie will be on his way soon. 

you pocket your phone, walk back to the stove, and resume stirring. 

no reason for you to get involved. your timer rings out, so you dump out the pasta, put it back in the pot with the butter, add some water and the cheesy powder, stir with an eye for sauce thickness, wait for it to settle you. it doesn’t.

the thing is, there are so many small tricky bones in the foot, and you haven’t had a real surgery challenge in ages. ever since your bosses ghosted you, you’ve just been staying in your apartment, in limbo, seeing nobody except richie and occasionally a cashier. sleeping and waking neither on your old strict schedule nor on a normal daylight one. doing nothing, worth basically nothing. 

so yeah, you text kevin.

> send me the address

then, as quick as you can so you don’t have time to overthink it, you text richie. 

> work emergency, i have to cancel. sorry. 

the response is immediate.

> text me when you get home.

you realize that you’re still stirring, and you turn off the stove. although you give him a couple minutes, richie doesn’t add anything. no joke to put spikes on the soft gesture, no expression of disappointment to make you feel guilty for canceling this late. nothing. text me when you get home, that’s all.

if you were that generous, you’d text back don’t stay up, let him get some extra sleep in preparation for tomorrow’s christmas hell. but you don’t. you want to think of him waiting for his phone to chime, staying awake for you, thinking of you, even worrying. so you react with a thumbs up to his message.

the next time your phone goes ping, it’s kevin sending you the address, and you head for the door. 

.

.

.

you’re sitting on a coffee table beside the old sofa that holds your resting patient. lying on the coffee table beside you are half a dozen grape skittles, the remainder of your christmas eve meal. there’s literally baggies of cocaine sitting on the kitchen table, the tv is playing charlie and the chocolate factory, and everyone involved in this—including yourself—is so stupid that you’re all definitely going to jail. but you’re having one of your good nights.

only drugs compare to the state of pure focus that surgery grants you, and even though it’s always in shit circumstances done for shit people, you can’t help but feel like a serious machine doing all this ad hoc emergency shit. this has to be how athletes feel, after a game. it’s physical: your vision feels clearer, your hands are steady, your body’s slouched comfortable and sated. it was decent work you did, given the lack of fucking everything. you’re pretty sure howie won’t even have that bad of a limp. 

kevin finishes counting your pay and hands it over. you begin to count it again, too—twenty, forty, sixty—and then look up at him. 

what? he says.

you haul yourself up and walk over to the kitchen table, ignoring the cocaine in favor of the scale, on which you place a twenty. it comes up as 0.94 grams when it should be a single 1.0. so you throw your earnings in the sink, get out your lighter, and set it on fire.

the fire alarm! kevin rushes over to turn the tap on and put it out.

you can hear howie calling from the couch, what’s burning? 

kev just tried to cheat me. 

i did not, kevin says miserably, it was a misunderstanding. 

he pulls his own wallet out of his back pocket and starts to count the money, but you take it from his hands, sit at the kitchen table, and begin counting money yourself, weighing each bill as you go. once you’ve taken a hundred and fifty, you stand up and call over to howie, night.

yo, howie says. is my, like. what are the chances they gotta amputate?

that gets you a little, despite everything. howie spent the past few hours thinking he was gonna lose an entire foot, and he was stubbornly proud enough that he almost made it without admitting the fear to anyone. in a way, you gotta give it to him. admiration’s too grand a word, but it’s something like that. 

chances are super low, you say. as long as you follow instructions, keep an eye out for infection, and don’t get hooked on pills, you’re gonna be fine. 

for a second, there’s silence. then: thanks, babygirl.

for that, you take another forty dollars from kevin’s wallet and point them at him. asshole tax, you say.

as soon as you’re out of the house, you can hear kevin locking the door behind you. then he says, goodnight!

i shoulda robbed you, you say. then you start down the sidewalk. it’s bitter cold and you’re not a hundred percent sure you’re headed in the right direction, but just then you feel invincible. 

fuckin jagoffs, say to yourself.

.

.

.

on the train home, the peace and quiet is interrupted by a herd of college girls, twentysomethings all decked out in tinsel necklaces, clearly on their way to a different party, and hitting all the wrong notes in deck the halls.

most days, you’d hate this, but in your current state of satisfaction with yourself and the world in general, their effortless enjoyment doesn’t seem to completely shut you out. they’re so young, and one of them is sitting in another’s lap while a third drapes herself over her shoulder. they smell like spiced rum, they make it hard to be a bitter old crone.

one of the carolers makes direct eye contact with you, and instead of having the decency to keep herself to herself, she extends her hand to you and sings even louder, fa-la-la-la-ing like she’s god’s gift. for a second, you let yourself mouth along, fa-la-la-ing, but then she says, come on, i know you can do better than that! and nope, nope. fuck it.

you try to look away, she yells another, come on! and you give her the death glare. surprisingly, she keeps beckoning to you—they’re stubborn, kids these days—but eventually you win the way you knew you would.

she looks away and whispers in the ear of the lap-sitter. that girl, the tiniest of them all, gives you a look that could sear meat. you could break her in half with one hand tied behind her back, she really has the build of a hummingbird, but that doesn’t seem to be stopping her.

you roll your eyes, lean back with exaggerated deliberation, and get out your phone. 

> i’m home.

you want somebody of your own, you want richie’s reply. but none comes. 

he’s not waiting for you outside your apartment building, either, so there goes that mad hope.

.

.

.

when you get inside your apartment, you kneel to untie your boots and spot a flicker of movement on the floor. it’s a black ant scurrying towards your countertop. with a rising sense of horror, you straighten up and see a swarm of ants, dozens and dozens, maybe a hundred busily moving little black dots, crawling to and from the pot of macaroni and cheese on your stove. your stomach turns, and if you’d had a real dinner, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from throwing it up. as it is, you just gag. it feels like a violation, an invasion, and you’re more outraged about these fucking ants in your apartment—your fucking apartment—than you ever were about getting not paid or cheated or maybe even blackmailed. 

you go into the kitchenette and get the ant spray out from under the sink, then you stand back and spray everything in sight. the whole fucking counter, even though, yes, you cook your food on that, and the stove, and the floor for good measure. fuck them all. 

you should’ve known better than to leave food uncovered in this apartment. you’ve lived here for three years and this always fucking happens. you’d think the novelty would’ve worn off, but nope. it’s still as disgusting as it was the first time you woke up to see last night’s plate covered in black.

today, the spray isn’t working fast enough for you, so you get out a trash bag, put the pot in it, and head out for the dumpster. 

out there in the cold, waiting for the ant spray to do its work inside the trash bag, you remember that you left your lighter in kevin’s house. you tip your head back and look up at the sky. it’s so thickly smothered in clouds, there’s barely a glow of moon. 

yeah, you say. 

after a while, you untie the bag, shake the dead ants off your pot, and throw the bag away. you’d stomp on the ants for spite, but that would necessitate looking at them, and you’ve had more than enough of that. you just head back for home.

you almost make it to the front door, and then you smell it, the smoke.

well? richie says from around the corner. he must have heard your footsteps. you coming or what? 

you walk the last few steps and there, just around the corner, there he is. he has the navy hood pulled up over his head, both his hands shoved deep in his pockets, a cigarette between both lips. he looks at your pot with interest. 

after a second, you say, you’re late.

something tickles the inside of your wrist and you flinch. one last ant has crawled up the handle of the pot and onto your arm; you drop the pot in the snow and shake the ant off you. it lands by richie, and he stomps it dead matter-of-factly. 

it takes everything you’ve got not to start swearing like howie with a shot foot.

merry christmas? richie says after a second. 

merry fuckin christmas. you reach out and take the cigarette from his lips. long drag. you needed that. 

settling beside him so both of you can look out into the night, you hand the cigarette back. and that’s how it is for a while, sharing. the wind thins out, the streetlight across the way reflects in the glass of another apartment building's door.

when your body’s finally calmed down, you look over at him. i got you something.

aw, you didn’t have to, he say, a little curious and not particularly surprised. he probably thinks it’s a joke. 

you hold your right hand palm up, and he takes his right hand out of its warm jacket pocket to mirror the gesture. then you reach into your hoodie and unclasp his gift from your neck. 

the chain is gold. thick, but not so thick that it comes across comical. incongruous with you and with him, the weight of it and the shine, how new it is. when you lay it in his hand, it looks like a golden snake, intricate and flawless. 

after a second, he gives you his cigarette like he can’t both smoke and think about it. then he speaks. 

this is fake, yeah, he says.

hundred percent fake. 

actually, it’s regifted. it was originally one of your boss’s christmas bonus gifts, and given that you pawned all the other christmas bonus gifts to pay rent, you’re pretty sure that the chain is solid gold. it’s for the best that he doesn’t know it, though.

as you watch, he puts it on, fumbling a little with the clasp. looks at it for a second, tucks it back inside his coat. there goes the last 

yeah? you say, after a second. 

yeah. think i like this sugar baby shit. keep ‘em coming, he says. 

you laugh, real, so relieved that he didn’t take it weird, so relieved that you got lucky tonight and he got it the way he sometimes can, acceptance without explanation.

he lets you laugh, and then he says, mine’s better, though.

diamonds?

it’s back at my place, he says. i can drive?

you want that so bad, and you didn't even think to want it just seconds before.

yeah, you say, dropping the cigarette and stomping it out right beside the dead ant, unbothered. 

you want to take the pot up? 

you shrug, crouch down, and cover it with some snow; you’re not gonna leave him down here waiting for you, and you’re not gonna take him up to the horrorshow of dead ants either.

it’s still pretty obvious, richie says.

it’s christmas eve, who’s gonna bother digging in dirty snow to steal a pot?

this is chicago.

this is idle argument as companionship and you know that, but you're impatient. are you taking me home or what? yes, you can hear the double entendre. no, you don't fucking care.

there’s a slight pause before richie says, car’s this way.

.

.

.

in the car, there’s crumbs but not much mess; a coupon for personal pizzas in the cupholder, and that’s it. he must have cleaned.

when he starts the engine, you say, wait, and make an elaborate show of putting on your seatbelt. then you say, okay, now i’m ready.

fuck you, he says, and he’s still smiling when he starts to drive. 

the radio is playing carols dimly in the background, and you don’t hate it. 

you doing anything for christmas day? richie says. 

i’m working christmas, you lie.

seriously? tell your boss he’s fucking barbaric.

would if you could; you’ve already tried to say as much in your many texts, but it is what it is.

yeah, you say. bunch of fuckin jackoffs, right?

jagoffs, he says, over-enunciating, frustration immediate. he really is too easy and he knows it. you’re—

jackoffs, that’s what i said, that’s what you told me—

if you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all. he has to drive with his right hand so he can make chopping motions for emphasis with his left hand, because of course he does.

you say, jackoffs.

you’re killing me. 

and yet you go on surviving. you relent. got everything you need for ice fishing?

richie scoffs in disgust. yeah, but now carmy is trying to bail on me. 

if he’s not gonna say, typical, then neither are you.

he wants to work on the twenty-sixth, he says.

oof.

yeah. like a full planning session, go over the rest of the rollout schedule with the entire staff and like… he rubs his forehead. i don’t know. like we haven’t even gone to christmas yet and he’s already, fucking. i don’t know!

i mean.

he glances over at you briefly.

carmy wants to make the staff come in on the twenty-sixth just to go over the renovation schedule again?

he’s out of his fucking mind.

you already know what you want to say, but you have to double-check it in your own head to make sure you’re not overstepping. you don’t actually know these people.

but also, fuck it. 

you know, you say, you could tell him if he acts like this, syd’s gonna quit again.

he whistles. julie with the big guns.

how i’m built, you say.

yeah, i noticed, he says affectionately. it’s okay. i’ll figure it out.

i know you will. it’s kindness, and you mean it, and you don’t take it back. 

thanks, he says. 

you lean your forehead against the cold glass of the car door and watch chicago going by, all gold and black and white.

.

.

.

after a few minutes, he parks the car in an underground garage. 

you ready for this? this is gonna rock your world, he says. 

diamonds and rubies? you say, unbuckling your seat belt.

you’re gonna be fuckin crying.

diamonds and rubies and pearls?

.

.

.

at the door to his apartment, he says, close your eyes, hold out your hands, and wait here, so you do. when the door opens, you can smell whatever it was he made for his christmas eve dinner with eva. it smells like everything christmas eve should be, rich and homey. you could wait here for, say, half an hour. you could stretch this moment out. you wouldn’t mind.

okay, richie says. here.

when the gift touches your palm, you instinctively pull back. richie swears and catches it. 

it’s hot! you say as you open your eyes.

it’s soup, he says. you want it cold?

you look down. yeah, that’s definitely french onion soup, with a big white and brown patch of melted cheese and toast on top. it’s an echo of what you made him when he was sick. it’s him showing off his work in comparison to your two-ingredient version. it’s unfortunately perfect. there’s no way he knew that you haven’t had anything for dinner except skittles.

it smells like home.

here. you hand the bowl back to richie, but only so you can take off your coat and your shoes. 

there’s only one hook on the back of his door, so you hang your coat overtop his. as you move through his apartment, you take stock: the walls are still orange, but things are a little tidier and there are new drawings magnet-pinned to the fridge. eva’s going through a cat era, clearly. the kitchen lamp is as warm as before, and the cactus by the window has a small red ribbon on it, probably a nod to christmas. 

you sit down at the kitchen table on one of the foldable stools, and richie sets your spoon and bowl in front of you. there’s a half-empty bottle of coors on the countertop behind you, and you take a sip of that. he sits down on the chair to your left, so he’s in your peripheral. he’s next to you.

you can feel it coming.

um, you say.

he glances over, and you can feel that too. what’s up.

don’t be a dick, okay. you say it very low and very flat, not even angry, because angry wouldn’t cut it.

the pause is too long, but at least he finally says, okay.

you pick up your spoon and take the first sip. 

the bit of melted cheese hits first, warm and gooey and salty then the sweet savory richness of the broth, and yeah, okay. it’s happening. your eyes are wet.

you can feel him not saying anything about it, but before it can build up to torture, his phone rings. 

sorry, he says, getting up. it’s tiff.

he must know from the ringtone alone, but you’re not even mad at it, you’re relieved. saved by the bell, another bit of good luck. maybe christmas is real.

uh-huh, you can hear him saying. yeah. that’s— he laughs, and you know from that laugh alone it’s something about eva. yeah, put her on. a beat, then. hey, honey. no. no, she’s right. listen, santa won’t come if you spy on him. the guy likes his privacy, okay? he’s not in it for the applause, he’s not in it for the publicity. pause. well, that’s what the cookies are for. i am being serious, that’s what they’re for. okay. who—okay. he snorts. okay, you got me. don’t tell your mother, though, okay? she really enjoys it. pause. it’s up to you. okay, i gotta go. i love you. hey. i love you. 

that’s more than enough time for you to wipe your eyes on your sleeve, get all fucked up again listening to him, and wipe your eyes a second time. by the time richie sits back down, you’re basically normal.

that sounded like some saga, you say.

this jewish kid at school told all the christians that santa wasn’t real, he explains. and now she’s going around busting all the lying adults one by one. 

you laugh. 

they’re starting young, he says. when i was in school, they always used to make us wait until at least sixth grade before we could go around busting myths.

you’re jewish?

he shrugs. kinda sorta.

you see the opportunity to make another joke about him being zero percent italian, and you ignore it. did eva like the doll? you say instead. 

yeah. i mean, it was a huge hassle, it’s so expensive i had to go halves with tiff, and i nearly had a heart attack when eva said something about kirsten cause i thought i’d got the wrong one— he starts eating again, eating soup and talking, and you don't hate it. which by the way, swedes? have the most boring american history of them all, i don’t know why they’d make a doll about that, but anyways, yeah. she loved it. he reaches across you and takes his beer back so he can drink the last dregs of it. ever since the divorce, we don’t even call it christmas eve, we just call it christmas one and christmas two. as is tradition.

he says the last three words kind of weird. 

as is tradition? you repeat.

tiff and i, we don’t have a bunch of traditions from our parents, so it’s like. we make up a lot of stuff and then we say ‘as is tradition.’ cause it’s not.

i mean, you got two generations involved, so that counts.

eh, he says, drawing it out dubiously. 

i got two-generations traditions, you say.

you didn’t intend to talk about your family, you weren’t thinking about that at all, you were just thinking about richie. but now you gotta sit in the silence as he decides whether or not follow up about your parents.

finally, richie says, you got a kid? he’s doing his best to be cool about it, but his voice goes up a little crazy on the last word.

no, i mean—you’re laughing. i meant me and my dad.

oh, he says, maybe a bit relieved, definitely a bit something, you can’t quite place it. oh.

i used to make us mac and cheese for christmas. with a leaf on top, like lettuce or spinach or something. cause, you know, that makes it salad.

that’s cool, he says flatly. after a second, he adds, less flat, i don’t have any traditions with my dad. i mean, he’s dead, but like before then, we never. so i think that’s cool. 

you hate his dad. it’s a split-second decision, but you feel pretty confident about it.

two generations is all you need, you say. and you got eva. so it’s a tradition. 

heard, he says.

when you glance over, you see the chain catching the light, gold over his dark shirt. he looks at you. you both keep eating.

.

.

.

eventually, you finish off two bowls of soup and a hot chocolate too, courtesy of eva’s swiss miss unicorn package. you feel a bit subdued by the ordeal of being human, but relaxed. 

best christmas ever, you say.

really? richie says, like he believes it and feels bad for you.

god no, do you think i came out a dickens?

what the fuck is a dickens?

you’re illiterate, it’s okay. you look at him. you know that your eyes are a little red, but thankfully you can also see, reflected in his eyes, that he knows you're all right.

thank you, richie, you say. it’s all wrong, you shouldn’t be saying his name and you shouldn’t be saying thank you either, it’s thanks or nothing, but something about the formality feels a little heavier and therefore suited to the day. it’s getting late.

i’ll drive you? he says, and there’s a little extra question in it that you can’t bring yourself to consider. 

you shake your head and get up from the table heavily, feeling a thousand years old. i’m good. 

he gets up, follows you, stands there with his hands in shoved his pockets as you crouch to put on your shoes.

i wasn’t suggesting a sleepover, he says. 

no, of course not, you say, and you congratulate yourself on not making it sound bitter.

unless, richie says.

you look up at him. 

i have so many condoms, he says, deadpan. just. so fucking many. some of them are citrus flavored.

there he goes, saved it.

it’s not just tonight, is it? it’s not just tonight, it’s not just luck, it’s not just christmas; somehow, richie’s become…he’s figured it out, how to be with you. when to show up and when to let you go. not always, but more than enough, and he just. he wakes up and he struggles and he breaks shit and he irritates you and he calls eva and he watches youtube and he goes to bed and he wakes up and he struggles and he learns and you love him.

what a fucking time to find out. you look down and begin tying your shoes again.

you got pineapple flavor? you say.

in what world is pineapple citrus? richie says.

well, tough luck. you back up and turn around to put on your coat. for me, it’s pineapple condoms or nothing.

you’re a real high-maintenance fuck.

you laugh. michael used to like that about you, just how easy you were, or how easy you made yourself. buddy, you got no idea. 

it’s been such a long day for both of you, apart and together. of course you’re getting messy, of course it’s time to go. you zip up your coat, run your hand through your hair. 

let me drive you, he says again.

you wave him off. no, i need to walk. clear my head.

it’s december in chicago, fuckin pitch black— 

i’ll be fine.

it’s christmas eve, are you really gonna punish me for a fucking joke? he says, and you look up, startled; you didn’t know he was upset. in retrospect, you were just focusing on avoiding his eyes, so what did you expect?

i’m not punishing you for anything, you were great. richie. you look at him straight on and steady, so he understands. a little gentle, as gentle as you feel you can get away with. you truly have to go, and there’s no resentment in it. i just need to clear my head. i’ll be fine, i’m always fine. 

you never… richie trails off, eyes you, decides against finishing the sentence. you’re stubborn.

always. you give him a small smile. thanks for the soup.

goodnight.

that should be the end, but it feels unfinished. his blue eyes are alive to the possibilities when you reach out, but you just touch the chain with a fingertip where it rests over his collarbone. his right hand moves a little and you draw back, your other hand on the doorknob at once, already leaving.

.

.

.

two days later, the cops issue a warrant for your arrest. 

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[ next chapter ] [ masterlist ]

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@garbinge, @narcolini, @drabbles-mc, @beingalive1, @eternallyvenus, @cerial-junkie, @jackierose902109, @shinebright2000, @scorpiolystoned — if anyone else wants to be tagged, let me know.

[bismuth-soup]

thoughts on tennocon 2023?

Soulframe looks cool but not my cup of tea. The voice acting was great

I KNEW something was up when i saw the IBM monitor and nokia ringtones

The Murmur faction reminds me of a game called Grime.

Warframe 1999 looks absolutely insane??????? Hello????? How is this the same game??

Y2K is a major plot point????

Jetstream sam fighting zombies in a subway with an ak47????

The zombies are made of CRT monitors and tangled wires???

Albrecht is wearing Jotaro cosplay lol

A bit meh about the book gun, new frame, reworks, etc. They're just standard content updates.

Rebb seems to keep promises a lot better than steve so i really hope all of these come soon

[prophetparadox]

DMC OC Week 2023 Day 4: Likes and Dislikes

A simple prompt, but a fun one nonetheless. Let's (mostly) ignore how much of a bastard Avalon is for this day of @dmc-oc-week-specialedition and look at the things he enjoys and doesn't enjoy! Not much else to say for this one, so let's go!

Likes:

Tim Curry movies (no matter how bad they are): Ever since he was a teenager, Avalon’s had quite the attraction to the actor. No matter the quality of the movie, the genre, or even if it’s supposed to be a kid’s movie, he’ll watch it. He’s committed if nothing else. Classic rock: What can I say? He’s a fan of the classics. Blue Oyster Cult, Ozzy Osbourne, Alice Cooper, Jimi Hendrix, the list goes on. Him being middle-aged doesn’t mean his music tastes have changed after all. He probably still has his old records too, the nerd. Black coffee: There’s just something about a black cup of coffee in the morning that he can’t describe. It tastes good and can make the difference when he needs it. Dry British humor: If there’s anything that can make him laugh, it’s this. Whether it’s Monty Python or Douglas Adams or Blackadder, it manages to make him chuckle without fail. Let him enjoy it, he’s usually a very grumpy man.

Dislikes:

Demons: I mean, this is probably obvious by now but I gotta list it. Ever since the fateful night where demons claimed his parents lives, he’s despised them completely. He wants nothing more than for demons to be eliminated entirely, hence why he’s so dedicated to their destruction. Hybrids are not exempt from this of course, as being any part demon makes one less than human to him. Covering-up the truth: Another one connected to the Red Grave incident. It infuriates him that incidents like the one he lived through would be hidden from the public. The world should know about the threat lurking behind the scenes, the people have a right to know! At least it’s harder to hide things these days, but the wounds never truly healed from that old incident. Modern tech: It’s not that he can’t figure out new computers and smartphones, he just doesn’t like them. The man still uses an old Nokia cell phone, for fuck’s sake. In his mind, a cell phone should be a phone more than anything else. He doesn’t care about all these apps and games, all he wants is to make calls and send text messages. No, he doesn’t have Uno, stop asking him! Sweets: He really doesn’t care for sweet foods. Sure, he’ll have something small every once in a while, but as a whole he’d rather not have any. He’s never been much of a fan of them, he’s always preferred bitter flavors.

[etes-secrecy-post]

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE! (W/ BIGGER TEXT!)⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

😡 WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EVER LIKED & REBLOG MY SECRET POST! THIS IS FOR MY SECRET FRIENDS ONLY, NOT YOU! 😡

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

#Onthisday: Jul 31st, 2010

Title: My car and my card - 2

Before I made changes between Nov 24th, 2013 & now 2023 [May 21st, 2023], this is my FIRST EVER tuning car that I registered & not gifted from someone, namely my former friend (the SPOT- tuning card). Which I'll get to that, in a bit. And my Impreza GRB car named it "POCO-"! Name after my favorite Spanish children show character "Pocoyo" (you know, the blue wearing kid one). 👶🔵

••••• Old deviation description ↓••••• Anyway, I'd just beginning to tune up my car and it's looks AWESOME!! 😁🔧🚘 But, I have to practice more drifting and turning, and I gonna used that for now! 😊 •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

All old stats are right above my image.

Back to my explanation: Although, my theory speculates my SPOT- tuning card came from the illegal clone method (using a masking tape to yank it out & create a new one), and the original tuning card disappeared (or something) or registered under a different name as far as I know. 🤔

Previous: • My 1st car in WMMT3DXPlus - I debuted -

Photograph by ME! (camera used 📷: Nokia 5132c XpressMusic 📱)

[kookie211071]

A life without smartphones?

I was wondering what my life would be without a smartphone or any other advanced technology. I am 19 rn, in the year 2023. I wonder what would my life look like if I was 19 in the year 2008? Idk why I thought of this random year. But it makes me nostalgic about things which I experienced in the early 2000s. I was 4 year old in the year 2008 but I remember a lot of things.

My mother’s youngest brother, my uncle, he was 20 years old in the year 2008 and I remember spending a lot of time with him. When I remember his behavior at age 20 and compare it with my present 19 year old self, I don’t really see a huge difference. That means that although he doesn’t represent the entire youth of that time, it still does make me realize that young adults are more or less the same; with technology and without technology.

I remember sitting in his room when he used to call one of his best friends and they used to talk about different stuff and vibe and chill and make fun of each other and what not. I was just 4, but I remember it all and its kinda saved in my subconscious mind. There are times when you dont understand something at the time it happens, but you make sense of it later when you grow up. That’s exactly what happened with me.

Now, back to my imagination. As someone who gets fascinated by the old school retro stuff, I really feel like going back to that time. I wonder how my life would be without these social media platforms, fast internet, etc. (and now we have chatgpt!) Lol. Technology has doubt made our lives much easier and these social media platforms made us feel that the world is big yet small, by connecting us together, but I feel like it made us get it all so easily that we fail to understand the value of it all. We now take it for granted. We easily get connected to each other by a few clicks and fast internet that now we have the choice to be connected with people. We choose to reply or not, we choose to respond, we choose to initiate digital conversations.

If the year 2023 was like the year 2008, I would be careful to try to tell everything to my close friends in a single sms as possible. Using a few words, because tying on nokia wouldn’t be that easy, and the fact that it isn’t free to send an sms lol. I need to use my phone balance carefully. Instead of texting, I would have to call my friends to ask them about something important. These conversations would be meaningful because I’d try to talk about many things in that single call. I would have to ask them to dictate me the assignments or notes that i missed by being absent in school or college.

I would have a camera, to click pictures and try to click the best shots in the first go because reels come at a cost too. Then I would go to the printing shop to get them printed to be placed safely in the albums. Those hardcopy albums would be worth opening later to revisit the memories and feel it by touching them.

I would have to buy cds to download music on my windows laptop. The laptop with the least storage and a few pre installed games. Placing cds and watching movies or songs. I would also keep my cds safe in a file. (I remember going through my uncle’s cd collection which was soooo cool!)

I would also have torch because I lowkey loved it when the electricity used to go down in the evening and we used to switch on torches and candles.

The big fat tv, the used to take up a lot of space! Omg. The music stereo system! The mario video games! I would have it all.

I would spend my time reading books, playing guitar, solving a Rubik’s cube, sketching or crafting origami pieces. Making dresses for my barbie dolls, playing with the other toys or doing my makeup. I would spend time doing it all.

There would be no social media, no smart phone addiction. Only good vibes.

[ninjournals]

January one of 2023

This is by far one of my favorites compared to the last two. food were familiar, less, and cheaper. We were happier

More than ten years ago, I would've opened up my nokia phone to hundreds of texts that were actually group messages or what we used to call: GMs from friends. There would be like a hundred of them already by the time i finish my new year's eve meal. Eat food, catch up with family members, clean up and go straight to bed because we'll have to go to church the morning after--which made me hate going to church, because the most exciting stuff happens after new year's eve and Christmas eve, but we're forced to cut that short because we had to go early the next day.

It would be around three in the morning and I'd still be on my laptop going through heavily edited photos from few of my friends on facebook because taking photos weren't as accessible as it is now. Photos before came from digital cameras that had to be transferred to the computers first before posting. Only a few of us can afford a decent looking camera back then, especially coming from a provincial area in a third world country. So, we were stuck with words. And it made sense why people loved twitter. I didn't. I found it toxic. Me, personally, would go directly to tumblr and scroll to new year's posts from friends or other people. That's my idea

For my future plan:

I would want my future family to have a different New Year's Eve tradition. I imagine it starting it off like having a big party with extended families the evening until twelve, but have us have naps the entire day so that we won't get tired in the evening. And around three in the morning of january first, we go home but we're not yet done with the celebration. We gather up our food and snacks, bring it to the entertainment area where we'd have the big sleeping area, watch a family friendly movie until we doze off.

Dane will be there with Bloom and Alfie--our kids.

Lilac Bloom E. Piczon

Amalfi E. Piczon

[robertemma27-blog]

5G Fixed Wireless Access Industry anticipated to grow by 2028 with CAGR of 39.0%

The global 5G FWA market is expected to be valued at USD 29.4  billion in 2023 and is projected to reach USD 153.0  billion by 2028 growing at a CAGR of 39.0% during the forecast period. The increasing adoption of advanced technologies such as machine-to-machine (M2M) & IoT and the rising use of millimeter-wave technology for 5G FWA is expected to drive the growth of the 5G fixed wireless access market. However, the high costs of infrastructures and the adverse impact of millimeter wave technology on the environment are restraints for market growth.

Browse 135 market data Tables and 52 Figures spread through 217 Pages and in-depth TOC on "5G Fixed Wireless Access Market - Global Forecast to 2028"

Download PDF:

The 5G FWA market includes major Tier I and II players like Nokia (Finland), Samsung Electronics (South Korea), Huawei Technologies (China), Ericsson (Sweden), Inseego (US), and others. These players have a strong market presence for 5G FWA across various countries in North America, Europe, APAC, and RoW.    

Growing use of millimeter-wave technology in 5G FWA

The growth of the 5G fixed wireless access market is expected to be driven by the increased wireless network capacity and high speed offered by high-frequency millimeter waves. Millimeter waves occupy a relatively unused portion of the electromagnetic spectrum between 30 GHz and 300 GHz, which offers excellent throughput and increased capacity. The 5G fixed wireless access technology provides large bandwidth, high resolution, low interference, cost-efficiency, and high security. It enables the development of miniaturized components for use in several commercial applications. 5G fixed wireless access is expanding to fixed communication, medicine, remote sensing, and consumer electronics applications. This includes using millimeter waves for IPTV, a prospective replacement of the Wi-Fi Alliance standards (802.11n), and wireless video transmission.

Customer premise equipment (CPE) is expected to hold the highest market share during the forecast period.

FWA broadband connections are set to surge, with 5G-enabled FWA lining up to be a major use case for driving adoption and bridging the digital divide challenge worldwide. Ericsson’s most recent 5G Mobility report predicts FWA connections will grow 17% annually through 2028. The number of FWA connections is expected to reach 300 million by 2028, out of which 5G FWA will represent almost 80% of the total FWA connections. High-speed 5G-based FWA connections will drive most of that growth, through 4G LTE technology will remain an important connection source across developing countries until 2024. Higher volumes of 5G FWA in large, high-growth countries such as China can drive economies of scale for the overall 5G FWA ecosystem, resulting in affordable CPE that will positively impact low-income markets. Chinese operators are also looking to increase the number of 5G base stations to 2 million collectively by the end of 2022 to widen their 5G network coverage. This will increase the demand for CPE deployment across the region.

Industrial Application to hold the highest CAGR during the forecast period

5G FWA technology is expected to play an integral role in improving the overall performance of industries such as automotive and transportation, energy and utilities, and mining. IoT and M2M communication are the key technologies used in industrial automation. Applications based on these technologies require high-speed networking, low-latency communication, ultra-fast response times, and many simultaneously connected smart devices. 5G networks are the key enablers for the deployment of IoT as they provide a platform to connect all devices to the Internet using high-speed data transmission and process.

5G FWA market in US for North America to hold the highest market share during the forecast period

The US is one of the major adopters of advanced technologies and strives to implement automation technologies across end-user sectors. For instance, it is among the top three spenders on smart city initiatives. It is also among the top five countries in terms of investments in industrial automation. All these factors have resulted in the adoption of wired and wireless technologies. Most companies operating in the 5G FWA market in North America are based in the US. The strong economy and high disposable income have increased the demand for modern technologies in the country, which is expected to account for more mobile connections than 4G by 2025 and lay the groundwork for accelerated growth in the FWA broadband and IoT services sectors over the next three years.   

Nokia (Finland), Samsung Electronics (South Korea), Huawei Technologies (China), Ericsson (Sweden), Inseego (US), Verizon Communications (US), Siklu Communication (Israel), Vodafone (UK), CableFree (UK), CommScope (US), Gemtek Technology (Taiwan), Airspan Networks Holdings (US), Vantiva (France), Orange (France), Telus Corporation (Canada), AT&T (US), Telefonica (Spain), Swisscom (Switzerland), Hrvatski Telekom (Croatia), Singtel (Singapore), D-Link Corporation (Taiwan), Netgear (US), ZTE Corporation (China), Sunrise Communications AG (Switzerland), and T-Mobile US (US) are among the many players in the 5G FWA market.

[techbd4]

Nokia C32 Latest news

Nokia C32 is an interesting low-budget smartphone first released back in February 2023. It has a glass back panel and a metallic finish frame, which are very rare in low-cost phones like this. The back camera design looks unique and the design overall is creative and satisfactory. But on the front side, there is a V-notch and thick chin bezel. Nokia used a tough and scratch-resistant display. There is also IP52 rated dust/splash resistance. So, the body is durable and premium.

It offers a 6.5-inch HD+ IPS LCD screen. The brightness level is average and you’ll get a standard 60Hz refresh rate. A 50 MP primary camera and a 2 MP macro camera are available at the back. We have seen photo samples, and it is a good quality camera for its price. There is a night mode for low-light photography and portrait mode is also available. You can record videos in up to Full HD 1080p@30fps quality. Its 8 MP selfie camera can deliver clear and natural-looking shots in good daylight conditions. The video recording option here is maximum HD (720p).

It is not a recommended device if you are looking for something performance-heavy. A low-performance 22 nm Unisoc SC9863A1 chipset runs the phone. There are 3 and 4 GB RAM models with added virtual RAM features, which will help you with decent multitasking or regular usage. A game like Call of Duty is playable in low-graphics settings, but this is not a gamer’s phone by any means and you’ll find much better deals for this price. Android 13 is installed and there is a Stock Android so, you’ll have a very clean and smooth day-to-day experience using this device. It has a 5000 mAh battery with AI battery saving feature. According to Nokia, you can have up to 3 days of backup. But the charger is a standard 10W one so the charging time will be fairly long. Some other features are Wireless FM Radio, side-mounted fingerprint sensor, dedicated MicroSD slot, 64 or 128 GB internal storage and so on. More details

[hlfmoonshine]

—i make covers for my spotify playlists. here’s one song from each playlist. (pt 2) auntie deadly & skoogie - facebook drama by northern cree i belong to you bond - man of war by radiohead fuck off baby boy - slumber party by ashnikko ft princess nokia creek days - cowboys don't cry by oliver tree songs for people who like songs - up the wolves by the mountain goats international serotonin - janta by marcelo camelo adarna university -people i don't like by upsahl the tales fucked me up - the last time by taylor swift ft gary lightbody baby keats - why by avril lavigne ft. two pictures of keats. on taken in 2023, the other taken in 2009. (when i joined tumblr. so if you ever wondered what keats looked like when they were writing in harvest moon and harry potter rpgs, that was the look. all the time. brown liner. dark colours. a shitty emo haircut. lots of headbands. and so many skinny jeans)

[karisohara]

part 4: maps

As I’m writing this I’m listening to the sublime ‘Maps’ by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It’s a song that carries a certain nostalgia to it, reminding me of a time when I was just coming of age, the last time the node’s of the moon were in Taurus, whilst chaos was all around me. It’s a beautiful song, and for years it graced the video channels, rock clubs and alt-pubs, soundtracking a time post 9/11 where life was still coming to terms that perhaps our 90s bubbles were a dream. Maps is, me, the teenager on the verge of adulthood, discovering substances and having a taste for them, and how scary everything was at the time. Maps is that dusty London summer heat which is still and strangles the breath out of the air. My first introduction was whilst I was sitting on the steps of Haverstock Hill, with my then neighbour and friend Louis. He handed their record ‘Fever To Tell’, the plastic slightly shattered in corners and the ‘most sorry for itself’ looking gatefold, the record had clearly been used as a coaster and covered in weed crystals. “you should listen to this” he said, coupled with another record peeping behind. Another early noughties classic, The Libertines ‘Up The Bracket’. A year or two later, Maps would tinker through the TV at 5am in a YMCA in New York on an art trip. I remember with terrible jet lag, how I suddenly reached for my Nokia 3310, to see if my then boyfriend had reached out. Only for my heart to sink, realising he had ignored me and this being the first experience of knowing your partner is pulling away. The words ‘wait, they don't love you like I love you’ echoed as I shed a few tears wishing I could go back to sleep.

My sisters mother in law passed the other day, and with any death I think back to all the times of grief. Grief has this way of shaping you, it's an absolute. My grandmother’s passing shaped me especially. I don’t believe we realise that the media we are surrounded by become a time capsule. Everything from the songs soundtracking that time, to the scent of a favorite perfume, clutches onto your memory. Only for a ghost, be that a scent that seems familiar, or a track comes on randomly for you to transport to that time. Maps was part of the soundtrack where I first experienced womanhood, grief, love and heartbreak. The only consistent I have from that time is my own family. 

When my sister announced to me of the Kim’s passing, she ended the message with ‘time is precious and family is golden’. Time moves so fast you blink and yes, you do miss it. How can you know that it might be the last time you see somebody or that you only get that one chance, one moment, and then it drifts by? They then, like Maps, become ghosts, memories drifting in time and every so often, I’ll be reminded by magic fm at 2am in an uber, or Glastonbury footage and I’ll cry watching Cat Stevens as i’m reminded of my grandmother and her love for his music. Tears for a time, a soul, a moment. How wonderful music touches us so deeply.

Monday 17th July 2023

[digitalashtray]

july 15 2023

i did not have a particularly easy time today

one of my friends came over because she wanted me to tattoo her. so we were all sitting around in the living room talking about whatever stupid bullshit while i was sketching the stencil, and suddenly she turns and looks at me and goes "hey, i heard you were a man now?" oops.

turns out one of the two people i know irl that i told accidentally dropped a "him" in front of her about me and she immediately picked up on it because of course she did. and she asked so bluntly because, well, she was trying to be nice. she would have wanted it to be addressed immediately if it were her. she was trying to be affirming of me. she didn't want to misgender me. which would have been very sweet, except for the fact that i absolutely was not ready to be outed like that yet. it felt like someone had jammed their hands into my torso and was feeling around individually squeezing each one of my organs. i mean i almost threw up.

the worst part is that i still tattooed her after and my hands were shaking so hard i messed up in a few places (that i'm going to have to fix when she comes back in two weeks) (for the touch up) (that i'm going to do for free) (because i overworked her skin to shit) (because i was so upset.)

and i guess what i really want to think about here is not the fact that it happened but why did it make me so upset that my friend who loves me was trying to be affirming of me? i sat down and i really thought about it (for about the length of time it takes to lose one game of tetris) and i concluded that it's because there is a part of me that is still eternally thirteen years old. i turned 13 in the year 2001, when britney spears and daft punk ruled the earth with an iron fist and you could use a nokia brick to dig out a foundation for a shed if you needed to, and i lived in rural southern appalachia, so i'm sure you can imagine that i didn't have the most queer-positive upbringing. i won't go into details, but i will say that someone abruptly pointing a finger at me and saying "hey, are you gay?" was a) something that happened to me fairly often around that age and b) usually not a prelude to an affirming and supportive evening. so, i didn't react very well. i wanted to! but, as i said before, hands, guts, squeezing, etc.

i think also, part of the reason why i reacted so poorly was that earlier today i went to the mall with miss v to get something at uniqlo, and i didn't think about the fact that it was saturday at 4 pm, so the train and mall were both absolutely packed full of people. i wasn't expecting that, so it was kind of a shock, and on top of that, i kept catching people staring at us. i mean really staring, not even quickly looking away when i caught their eye. now this is a city of over a million people, but apparently me and my shaved head and my trans wife are so goddamn unusual that every single person in this godforsaken metropolitan area had to get in a good long unfriendly stare at us. i am not normally bothered by strangers staring at me (god knows it's happened enough at this point) but i guess i was feeling kind of raw what with how unexpectedly crowded everything was, and when my friend just blurted out "hey i heard you're a man now!" at a time when i was absolutely not primed to deal with it, i kind of lost it a little bit.

miss v. suggests that the best thing to do is just to tell everybody right away, just rip that bandaid off, but i don't think it would help the scared 13-year-old in me to do that. i think i need to spend a lot more time reassuring myself that it's safe to do this before i can just casually let people know that Hey Everybody New Gender Just Dropped.

[laocommunity]

Title: "Unleashing the Power of Hybrid Fiber Coaxial (HFC) Networks in the Digital Age: Market Analysis and Key Players Dominating the Industry" Hook: "Are you curious about the latest trends in the Hybrid Fiber Coaxial (HFC) network market? Wondering which companies are leading the way in bringing lightning-fast internet speeds to your homes and businesses? Look no further as we delve into a comprehensive analysis of the HFC market size, share, and trends, along with insights into the top players, including Arris, Huawei, Nokia, and more." Potential to go viral: This title offers valuable insights into a rapidly evolving industry that affects everyone's daily lives. With the emphasis on fast internet speeds and connectivity in today's digital age, this topic resonates with a wide range of users, making it highly shareable on social media platforms. Additionally, the use of specific company names adds an element of relatability, resulting in higher engagement and shares among targeted audiences.

Title: "Unleashing the Power of Hybrid Fiber Coaxial (HFC) Networks in the Digital Age: Market Analysis and Key Players Dominating the Industry" Hook: "Are you curious about the latest trends in the Hybrid Fiber Coaxial (HFC) network market? Wondering which companies are leading the way in bringing lightning-fast internet speeds to your homes and businesses? Look no further as we delve into a comprehensive analysis of the HFC market size, share, and trends, along with insights into the top players, including Arris, Huawei, Nokia, and more." Potential to go viral: This title offers valuable insights into a rapidly evolving industry that affects everyone's daily lives. With the emphasis on fast internet speeds and connectivity in today's digital age, this topic resonates with a wide range of users, making it highly shareable on social media platforms. Additionally, the use of specific company names adds an element of relatability, resulting in higher engagement and shares among targeted audiences. Unleashing the Power of Hybrid Fiber Coaxial (HFC) Networks in the Digital Age: Market Analysis and Key Players Dominating the Industry Are you tired of sluggish internet speeds that don't keep up with your fast-paced lifestyle? Do you want to know about the latest advancements in internet connectivity? Look no further as we delve into a comprehensive analysis of the Hybrid Fiber Coaxial (HFC) network market size, share, and trends, and uncover the top players dominating the industry. Understanding the HFC Network Market The HFC network uses a combination of fiber optic and coaxial cables to deliver high-speed internet and cable TV services. It is widely used in countries like the US, China, Japan, and Europe, and has shown steady growth over the years. According to a report by MarketsandMarkets, the HFC network market size is expected to reach USD 13.78 billion by 2023, with a CAGR of 5.77% during the forecast period. Key Market Drivers Several factors are driving the growth of the HFC network market, including: - Increase in broadband penetration and data usage - Demand for high bandwidth internet services - Upgrade of existing HFC networks to fiber-optic networks - Adoption of new technologies such as DOCSIS 3.1 and Distributed Access Architecture (DAA) - Investment by government and private players to modernize the telecom infrastructure Top Players in the HFC Network Industry The HFC network market is dominated by leading players such as Arris (US), Cisco Systems (US), Huawei Technologies Co. Ltd. (China), Nokia Corporation (Finland), and Corning Incorporated (US). These companies offer a range of products and solutions such as routers, amplifiers, cable modems, and software to enhance the HFC network's performance and reliability. Company Snapshot - Arris: A US-based company that provides hardware and software solutions for HFC networks, including routers, switches, and broadband access systems. - Cisco Systems: A global tech giant that offers a range of networking equipment, including routers, switches, and security solutions, for both residential and commercial HFC networks. - Huawei Technologies Co. Ltd.: A Chinese multinational that manufactures telecommunications equipment, including HFC network products like optical transceivers, amplifiers, and fiber-optic cables. - Nokia Corporation: A Finnish multinational that provides telecommunications, networking, and digital solutions for HFC networks, including software-defined networking (SDN) technologies and high-speed modem solutions. - Corning Incorporated: A US-based company that manufactures optical fiber and cable solutions for HFC networks, including fiber-optic connectors, cables, and hardware. HFC Network Trends The HFC network market is ever-evolving, and new trends are emerging to meet the growing demand for faster and more reliable internet connectivity. Some of the current trends in the HFC network industry include: - Adoption of Gigabit broadband services - Implementation of network virtualization and cloud-based solutions - Use of advanced analytics and machine learning to improve network performance and reduce downtime - Integration of 5G networks with HFC networks to deliver faster internet speeds - Expansion of the Internet of Things (IoT) devices and their integration with the HFC network infrastructure. Final Thoughts In conclusion, the HFC network market is a vital player in the current era of digital transformation, delivering high-speed internet connectivity to homes and businesses worldwide. The market is expected to grow at a steady rate with the adoption of new technologies and investment in the telecom infrastructure. As the demand for faster internet speeds continues to rise, it is imperative for HFC network players to keep up with the latest trends and provide innovative solutions to meet customer needs. So, if you want to stay ahead of the curve and streamline your internet connectivity, keep an eye on the HFC network market trends and explore the solutions offered by leading players like Arris, Huawei, and Nokia. #HFCNetwork #InternetConnectivity #ARRIS #Huawei #Nokia #Cisco #Corning #MarketAnalysis #TrendAnalysis #5GTechnology #IoT #CloudSolutions #MachineLearning #NetworkVirtualization #BUSINESS Read the full article

[beardedmrbean]

The National Coalition Party, Finns Party, Swedish People's Party and Christian Democrats are currently negotiating on the content of a programme for a new government.

Iltalehti writes (siirryt toiseen palveluun) that the big question in the talks is how the future government plans to curb spending in the social and health services sector in Finland. According to Iltalehti's sources, the NCP is continuing to seek significant savings in social and health expenditures.

The paper looked at some of the proposals by the Ministry of Finance which are being used as a basis for negotiations.

For example, the costs of the health and social services sector will take up almost a third of the state budget this year, and so is under pressure to achieve savings.

According to the Ministry of Finance, it is practically impossible to reduce the funding of wellbeing services counties without a corresponding reduction in their tasks and obligations.

The ministry has proposed the repeal of the patient-to-staff ratio requirement in residential care facilities mandated by the government headed by Sanna Marin (SDP). That plan calls for a ratio of 0.7 personnel per patient starting in December 2023. Fewer staff in these facilities could save 240 million euros as of 2024, according to the Finance Ministry.

It also suggests that fees for social and health services could be increased "moderately", for example, for specialised medical care.

Fees for specialised care currently covers about 4 percent of operating costs and is more than 300 million euros per year. A 10-percent increase in fees would bring in around another 30 million euros.

Helsingin Sanomat (siirryt toiseen palveluun) reports that Petteri Orpo (NCP), who is leading the talks, told the press on Tuesday that an agreement on the financial framework of a government programme was reached among the parties "relatively easily".

In contrast, Riikka Purra, chair of the Finns Party, stressed that there is still no consensus on all of the issues. The same was said by Swedish People's Party leader Anna-Maja Henriksson, who, however, emphasised that there is consensus about the broad outlines of fiscal policy.

Southern manoeuvres

Etelä-Suomen Sanomat (siirryt toiseen palveluun)is among the papers reporting that a special forces military exercise dubbed "Southern Griffin 23" begins today, Wednesday, in parts of southern Finland and will run through 21 May.

Spearheaded by the Finnish Army's Utti Jaeger Regiment, the exercises also include units from the United States and Europe.

According to the Finnish Army, the aim of the exercise is is to further develop the joint operating ability and interoperability of the Finnish Defence Forces' special forces and special forces' aviation together with other units and international partners.

In addition to ground forces, the manoeuvres also include helicopters, transport and surveillance aircraft, and commando boats.

The exercises will be taking place on land, sea and air, and the army has said that in particular the flight activity and weapons firing may cause noise disturbance across the training exercise area.

Hockey traffic arrangements

The first puck drops in this year's Ice Hockey World Championships in Tampere on Friday, and Aamulehti reports extensive changes in the city's traffic arrangements for the duration of the games.

Bus routes, as well as driving and parking arrangements for private vehicles will see changes in areas nearby the Nokia Arena as of Friday 12 May and will continue in force through Sunday 28 May.

There will also be traffic and parking restrictions in the areas of Pyynikki and the city's Central Square.

Aamulehti provides readers with a full listing of changes (siirryt toiseen palveluun)(in Finnish) to traffic services during the games.

Finland's state railways VR is also adding 30 extra trains to its schedule during the championships, with special services on the Finnish team's game days to Turku, Vaasa, Jyväskylä and Helsinki after the matches.

VR says that departures will be flexible. If the last matches of the day drag on, departures will be delayed so that fans can still catch the last train home.

Finland heads into Eurovision final

One piece of news was headlined by nearly every newspaper in the country on Wednesday morning—the results of the first semi-final round of the Eurovision Song Contest which saw Finland's Käärijä now heading into Saturday's finals.

Ilta-Sanomat writes (siirryt toiseen palveluun)that it's no exaggeration to say that Käärijä got the biggest applause of all the evening's performers, both in the arena and in the press centre.

In addition to Finland, the entries from Sweden, Croatia, Moldova, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Israel, Portugal, Serbia and Norway made it into the grand final after Tuesday's round.

Käärijä told the press that he is thrilled by the fact that he is competing with a song in the Finnish language.

"There are a lot of people in Finland who didn't believe in a song in Finnish. I want to show that we can win with a Finnish song. That's why I'm here," he said.

The second semi-final of the competition will take place Thursday evening and the Eurovision Song Contest final will be on Saturday evening, 13 May.

[justana0kguy]

(New) LIFE LINE: A0K 32.10 Sheep ~ A Whole New Wool

Background: Most of the recent days and months in my life have felt like I've either been wandering aimlessly and in circles without an ultimate goal or destination; or getting lost and losing momentum or motivation when I do set my mind on something. And when self-awareness (and pity) kicks in, I often look for a chance to start over. (Preferrably inspired by a theme, aesthetique, motto, or whatnot that can still pique my overstimulated mind; and scheduled to start at a date and time that somehow appeases my OCD by allowing me to make completely arbitrary correlations and interpretations relative to it). And though there were a few moments where there were numerical alignments or circumstantial coincidences that felt like an opportune time to reboot myself, I always found myself in the same place and predicament as I was before - lost somewhere with no fucking clue what I'm doing or where I'm going. And truth be told, this is still actually another one of those attempts, but here's to hoping that my faith and my feet can keep up with the Good Shepherd that I'm following and making my way to.

Initialization: last 2023 April 30 inspired from the bible readings and theme of Good Shepherd Sunday, particularly 1 Peter 2:25 - "For I had gone astray like sheep, but I have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of our souls."

Features:

A0K ~ (a) continuing with A0K series where '0' between first name initials emphasizes nothingness from which we came, nothingness with which we are, and nothingness which we will become. And from nothing, we can be anything; and (b) play on words when asked if I'm Okay. Yes I Am A-Okay.

32.10 ~ (a) 2023, Quarter 2, Month 1, T-0 time and date correlation; and (b) 32.10 theme similar to Nokia cellphone models emphasizing the present as a reliable and successful utility as it is while serving as a platform for newer and better iterations.

Sheep ~ (a) from a lost and evil being praying to be found, surrendering to be saved, and following to be transformed into gentle, quiet, and innocent, sheep through the Word/command of the Good Shepherd, and the Life/example of Jesus Christ; and (b) Trickster Online Sheep aesthetique with Diablo/Genshin life gameplay

Mantra: Psalm 23:1-6

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

In verdant pastures He gives me repose;

beside restful waters He leads me;

He refreshes my soul. 

He guides me in right paths

for His name's sake.

Even though I walk in the dark valley

I fear no evil; for you are at my side

with your rod and your staff

that give me courage.

You spread the table before me

in the sight of my foes;

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Only goodness and kindness follow me

all the days of my life;

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD

for years to come."