#look surprised or even confused when i explain i am on the brink of losing life-saving healthcare or debate me over whether i really need i

[ihavedonenothingright]

Watching a classmate who once told me that my visible queerness made them feel safer turn around and endorse a transphobic acquaintance's business, ignore Project 2025, and aggressively push for third party votes in favor of SEEMING PROGRESSIVE ON SOCIAL MEDIA makes me angrier than anything from my vocally conservative family ever has. Why am I seeing this so often from people who self ID as queer? Is it because they personally don't need the healthcare and legal recognition I'm going to lose? This person is nonbinary. I feel like I'm going insane.

[sheerfreesia007]

You’re Losing Me

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Word count: 6,928

Content warnings: Arranged marriage, infidelity, mention of sex (nothing graphic), angst

Summary: Chan’s company is failing and he needs help to pull it back from the brink. Your father agrees to help him but there’s some conditions attached to his help. Is Chan willing to do absolutely anything to make sure that his business survives?

Chan stands tensely in front of the large abstract painting next to the taller pristinely dressed man in a form fitting tailored black tuxedo. He can feel the distance and divide between the two of them almost as acutely as if it was slapping him in the face. The man standing next to him was dressed in a designer made tuxedo that he wasn’t even able to pronounce the name of as he stood in his much older well worn tuxedo that he had purchased years ago when he first started his business. The difference between the two of them was almost laughable but Chan knew he had to do this to be able to save his dream.

”So you want me to help fund your company and pull it out of the red.” The man said in an even almost bored tone as he gazed at the abstract painting that Chan couldn’t seem to understand just by looking at it.

”Yes, I am desperate sir. My company is like a child to me and I’m desperate to make it grow.” Chan said softly, imploringly hoping that the man would find it within himself to help him. “We’ve come across a few bad choices and hard times within the company and it’s become a dire situation.” Chan explained softly. The man waved his hand dismissively at his words and Chan feels himself deflate at the gesture. His eyes dart over to the side and sees her anxiously watching him and the man next to him, a soft frown falling on her face as she connects her eyes with his.

”I will help you.” Says the man suddenly and Chan whips his head to stare at the man with widened shocked eyes.

”You will?” Chan asks surprised and the man nods his head once before turning to Chan with a shrewd look on his face.

“I will fund your company and lend my business financial advisors at your disposal.” The man explains as his eyes narrowed on Chan before raking up and down the younger man making him feel vulnerable almost as if he had been scanned by one of those machines at the airport. “But it won’t be for free.” The man said commandingly and Chan immediately began to nod his head.

”Of course not. You’re helping me out more than I can ever repay you for. I will do anything you ask of me.” Chan begins to ramble and the man holds his hand up to stop Chan immediately.

”Anything?” The man asks darkly and Chan feels a shiver race down his spine at that single word. His eyes dart to the side once more and see her watching him anxiously once more as she bites her thumb nail. He squares his shoulders and turns his eyes back to the man before nodding his head, this was their future he had to make sure his company not only survived but flourished.

”Anything.” Chan reassures and feels a shadow fall over him, he has a feeling that he’s about to make a deal with the devil.

”Do you see that woman over there?” The man asks suddenly as he nods his head over to the right side of the art gallery. Chan turns his head and spots a woman who looks to be in her late twenties or early thirties dressed in a stunning emerald green silk dress. Her hair is pulled over one shoulder and falls in an intricate style that fits her face perfectly. She’s pretty he admits silently but he furrows his brows as he looks back to the man beside him.

”Yes.” Chan answers with a confused frown as he watches the man’s top lip curl in distaste as he watches the woman like a hawk.

”That’s my daughter, the last one of my children to remain single.” he sneers out in a tone that encapsulates how he feels about her choice to remain single. “She refuses to marry for anything besides love.” The man explains and Chan feels his stomach drop to his knees. Oh no. “If you want the funding for your company and to make it a successful business, you will make my daughter fall in love with you and marry her.”

”But sir,” Chan begins to protest as he feels his conscience rebel internally at the man’s demand. The harsh angry look from the man has Chan pausing before he speaks a different concern of his. “I already have a girlfriend who I’m in love with.” He says softly as his eyes dart over to said woman who’s been watching him silently in her anxious demeanor. The man’s eyes follow Chan’s as he scoffs softly in distaste.

”Then keep her as your mistress. Live a double life, I don't care what you do. If you want your company to succeed you will make my daughter fall in love with you and marry her or your company will die with you.” The man hisses out darkly and Chan wonders how a father could do this to his own child. He stares into the sparkling angry eyes of the man and sees the darkness within his irises, he wonders if he had always been like this or was only like this because his daughter rebelled against his control. “Discuss it with your girlfriend. Maybe she can talk some sense into you. You have until tomorrow to decide.” And with those last words the man stalked off over to his daughter who smiled beautifully up at him when he came to her side. Chan watched with bated breath as the man smiled softly down at his unassuming daughter who easily slipped her arm around his and they began to walk further into the gallery. She had no idea how dark her father actually was did she?

Chan jolted as he felt a slender arm slip around his own arm and a dainty hand came to rest on his bicep gently. He turned his head and gazed down at the beautifully dressed woman who loved him with her whole heart. He frowned softly before pressing a kiss to her temple and began to guide her in the opposite way of the man and his daughter.

”What did he say?” She asked softly in her sweet lilting tone and Chan felt his heart twist and turn in his chest at what he needed to tell her. He sighed softly and guided her to a quiet dark corner near some paintings of lake scenery. She looked up at him with a worried frown on her face and Chan knew that this was going to hurt just as much as it hurt him.

”He will help me” he began to explain and watched as her face lit up with happiness, he hated himself to suddenly bring her back down with the stipulation. “But, he wants me to marry his daughter in exchange for his help.”

”What?” She asked in a shocked gasp as her eyes widened while she gazed up at him. Chan nodded his head before hanging it between the two of them.

”I told him I already had you and am deeply in love with you. But he said that his daughter refuses to marry for anything but love and that if I want his help I have to make her fall in love with me and marry her. Otherwise my company will die.” Chan laments softly in distress as her soft hand comes up to cup his cheek, she guides his face up to look at her and he’s surprised to see clear understanding on her face.

”What else did he say?” She asked softly and Chan furrowed his eyebrows at how calm she was being about all of this.

”When I told him about you he said that I should keep you as my mistress and live a double life.” He said softly. “But sweetheart, you’re the one I love. I don’t want to pretend with another woman. How is that fair to you?” He insists and she shushes him gently before pressing a kiss to his lips.

”Channie sweetheart” she coos at him softly as she smiles brightly. “You’re too soft for this world.” She teases him softly and Chan groans at her teasing. “I know you love me and only me. I love you too which is why maybe what he said could work.” She reassures him gently and Chan looks at her confused.

”Babe what? No, we’ll find someone else who can help us.” Chan begins to protest and she twists her lips at his words.

”Chan we’ve tried with at least seven other big business men and have been turned down. Your company is bleeding money as we speak, we don’t have many other options. I know how this company is your dream and I promised you I would do whatever I could to help you achieve your dream. I meant it.” She affirmed to him in a tone that brokered no argument. “I think you should take this deal. I don’t have any doubts about your love for me and if this will better both of our lives together while still being able to be together I am willing to take on the role of mistress.”

Chan stared at her with wide shocked eyes as she assured him that they would be able to achieve his dream and still be together. He worried that this wouldn’t work but by listening to her words he could feel his resolve weakening. Even though his conscience was howling with protest within him he knew she was right, they were at their last hope to make this work. He looked into her eyes for a long deep moment and she smiled beautifully up at him before nodding her head slightly. He grinned widely at her for a split moment before lunging forward and crashing his lips to hers as she giggled sweetly, they were going to finally achieve his dream and live their lives the way they should have been.

*-*-*-*

The fashion show had been absolutely stunning and so awe inspiring, you grinned as you stood with your best friend sipping on glasses of champagne and surveying the room with interest. It was a very popular fashion brand and the room was nearly packed wall to wall, making it very hot and overwhelming almost claustrophobic for you. You frown softly as another person brushes up against your back and you feel your skin begin to itch. Turning to your friend you find her gazing around the room with wide bright excited eyes and you chuckle softly before pressing a gentle hand to her elbow causing her to turn to you with a worried look on her face.

”It’s getting a little too crowded for me. I’m going to step outside for a little breather.” You tell her and she steps closer to you with furrowed eyebrows and her eyes darting around your face.

”Do we need to go? We can go.” She reassures you worriedly and you shake your head at her kind gesture.

”No, no I just need a reset.” You tell her before nodding your head to the outside terrace and her eyes look over to it. “I’m just going to be out there to catch my breath. You stay and I’ll come find you once I’m a little more grounded.” She nods her head still with a furrowed brow and you chuckle softly before kissing her cheek. You then turn and make your way out of the room to the outdoor terrace where it’s much quieter.

You suck in a deep breath as the cooler air falls onto your heated skin causing you to sigh tiredly. Walking over to the little stone railing you set your champagne glass down and press your hands to the stone letting it ground you as your mind slows. You take a few deep breaths filling your lungs with cool air as your body slowly begins to calm down after being in the crowded overheated room.

It’s a few moments later that you hear the door to the terrace open and you turn your head to see a handsome man walking out. He stops in his tracks after shutting the door and turning around when he spots you. He’s tall with an athletic build and muscled arms that aren’t hidden by the tight button up shirt he wears with his sleek black dress slacks. His dark black hair is styled with gel and it falls slightly over his pretty dark brown eyes.

”Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to intrude.” He says in a shocked voice but you smile at him and wave your hand.

”You’re not intruding. There’s enough room for both us.” You reassure him kindly before stepping to the side to give him room at the stone railing. He smiles warmly at you before nodding his head in a slight bow before stepping to the railing and leaning back against it.

”It’s packed in there isn’t it?” He asks with a grin as he turns his head to you while crossing his arms over his chest. His smile is devastating to you and you’re easily charmed by his plush lips that pull into a cheeky grin.

”Yeah and so hot with everyone in there.” You agree as you smile softly at him while nodding your head. “Made me a little anxious actually.” You admit softly and then widen your eyes as you look up at him worriedly and he smiles softly at you with sympathy showing on his face. 

“I totally get that. Do you need me to call anyone for you? Do you need anything?” He asked sounding concerned as he stepped closer to you with a furrowed brow. You had been worried about admitting something that could be looked down on about yourself to this handsome stranger but you sighed softly before shaking your head, you really have to stop thinking like your father.

”No, no I’m okay. Thank you though. Just being out here is a good change.” You say softly and he smiles while nodding his head at you.

”Good I hope the company isn’t that bad either.” He jokes goodnaturedly and you grin over at him cheekily before shrugging your shoulder in a teasing manner.

”It’s not bad.” You tease and watch happily as his eyes widen slightly before narrowing playfully as he leans closer to you while an amused smile forms on his lips.

”Not bad? Just not bad?” He asks softly and you can’t help getting caught up in his cologne and his proximity as you grin at him before shrugging your shoulders at him.

”Jury’s still out for debate.” You tease him more and he chuckles softly while hanging his head slightly before shaking it.

”What do I have to do to get a favorable sentence?” He asks flirtatiously and you stare at him surprised for a moment before smiling widely at him.

”Coffee date would be a nice start.” You boldly flirt with him and watch as his eyes crinkle cutely at the sides as he grins at you. He slips his cell phone out his pocket before holding it out to you with a soft smirk on his face.

”Alright, then give me your number so I can schedule one with you.” He says softly as he steps even closer to you. Your head swims with the smell of his cologne and the warmth radiating off his body. Your fingers brush his as you take the cell phone from his hand and you feel your stomach drop at the sensation causing you to suck in your breath harshly. You shake your head slightly at the sensation while your stomach begins to twist and turn within you, you quickly type in your cell phone number and give your name a little pink heart next to it so that he’ll be able to find you in his contacts. You hand him back his phone and he looks down at it, his eyes dancing over the screen before he looks up and grins at you. “I’ll text you pretty.” He says flirtatiously while winking at you before he turns and walks away from you. You watch him walk away and feel slightly hollow before you smile softly shaking your head at him. You turn back to stare out into the garden below hoping that he’ll text you soon, just then you feel your cell phone vibrate and you grin as you pull it out of your clutch and see an unknown number had texted you. 

How does Thursday sound? Coffee at The Wild Bean around one?

*-*-*-*

That’s how it had all started three years ago, a simple serendipitous meeting, at least that’s what you had thought it was at the time but now as you stare at Chan’s naked back as he rails the woman below him you know it never was that. You had come home earlier from a luncheon that you had helped host and set up for one of your girlfriends to only find your husband of two years fucking a woman who had been living in your house under the guise of “manager” for his company. Your eyes trailed over the expanse of his back and saw the dark ruby red scratches adorning his skin that she was leaving on him. Her hand came up and she saw the bright pretty pink nails rake down his skin once more leaving more scratches and felt your stomach roll with disgust and nausea.

”I love you gorgeous always have and always will.” Chan gasps out as he sits up while still moving within her. “My gorgeous love.” He coos at her and you feel the tears begin to prick at your eyes, he’s never called you that it’s always been pretty girl never gorgeous or love. Even on your wedding night he had never called you something so loving. “I love you, love you so much and I can’t wait to meet our little one.” He gasps out as his pace picks up, your mouth falls open as your eyes widen at his words. Your heart that had been so filled with love for the man before you obliterates into a million tiny pieces in your chest as devastation consumes you and you slowly back out of your bedroom closing the door behind you with a silent click.

Your body feels numb as you walk down the hallway passing some of the maids who stop and stare at you with sympathetic looks on their faces. Margot, the head maid walks up to you and halts in her steps as her eyes look over your shoulder to your shut bedroom door before they snap back to you with sorrow filling her eyes.

”I will prepare a new bedroom for you Miss.” she says softly and you blindly nod your head at her words before shuffling past her. “Miss? Should I tell the Mister anything?” She asks with a soft sneer at the bedroom door.

”Tell him not to wait up for me if he asks.” You say over your shoulder before making your way out of the house and back to your car.

*-*-*-*

You stare down at the plate of dinner that the chef has prepared for you and Chan tonight as you sit at the dining table. Chan sits across from you oblivious to all the swirling thoughts in your head as he happily chews his food. It had been a week since you had come home to find Chan fucking his company’s manager, within that time you had hired a private investigator and found out that she was Chan’s first and only love. They were childhood friends who had first started dating in middle school and gone through the test of time together. 

She had been there when he had first started his company and had been there when the company had hit rough times and nearly went under almost three years ago. She had been there when Chan had met up with your father at the art gallery showing all those years ago. And now she lived in your home fucking and loving the man sitting across from you. The man you had thought you had been waiting for all your adult life for, the one you thought you loved wholeheartedly to declare and commit yourself to. 

But as you sat there pushing your food around your plate you wondered if anything about your relationship had been real for him. Bile rose up in your throat and you swallowed it down with a grimace.

”Pretty girl” Chan calls out softly and you flinch at the pet name before schooling your face and looking up at him. He’s watching you with cautious eyes as if you’re a cornered wild animal and you feel like one as you realize that he’s been lying to you your whole relationship. You had despised your parents' loveless marriage ever since you were a little girl and had vowed to never let yourself become like them, cold and numb in their marriage. You had told your father that you only wanted to marry for love and would hold out for that over anything else. But you hadn’t thought that he’d force your hand with the help of Chan. Ultimately you had walked right into a loveless marriage unwittingly and now that your eyes were open you could feel yourself slowly dying. “Pretty girl, you with me?” Chan asked softly and your eyes focused on him.

He smiled warmly at you and your eyes darted around his face wondering if he was thinking about her as he sat across from you. Was he thinking of when he would be able to go be with her again? Did he even care about you at all? 

“There she is. Are you okay?” He asked worriedly as he cut another piece of steak before popping it into his mouth and began to chew. “You’ve been distant this past week. Is everything okay? I’ve missed you.” He said sweetly, liar your brain whispers. You quickly nod your head before mustering up a small smile.

”I’m fine.” You respond and look back down to your plate.

”We haven’t spent the night together in a week are you sure? Usually I can’t keep you off me.” He jokes with a small chuckle as his eyes dart up to look at you with a hungry stare. Bile rises up inside you once more and you feel your body flinch at his salacious look. Your skin crawls as his eyes rake up and down your body from his seat while you try to stay in your seat for the rest of dinner.

”I’m fine, just been tired with all the events going on.” You lie with a sweet smile on your face. Chan’s eyes dart around your face and you know he’s trying to see if you’re lying or not but you keep your soft smile on your face hoping he won’t ask anymore questions.

”Well after dinner why don’t we go up to the bedroom and-“ Chan begins to suggest and you quickly cut him off.

”Not tonight Chan. I’m too tired.” You say quickly as you fake a yawn while raising your hand to cover your mouth. You then stand from your chair and Chan looks up at you surprised with a furrowed eyebrow.

”Pretty girl?” He asks worriedly and you nod your head at him. Always his pretty girl.

”I’m going to bed.” You said before turning from him and the table that seemed to have grown in length distancing the two of you.

”Oh alright, I’ll see you up there.” He says softly and you shake your head at his words.

”I’m going to sleep in the spare room. Don’t want to wake you with my early meetings.” You say over your shoulder before quickly walking out of the room not bothering to look back at him.

*-*-*-*

A month after finding out about Chan and his mistress, or rather his love, you stop obsessing over finding out where he’s spending his time. You had learned that ever since you started distancing yourself from him while you tried to mend your obliterated heart he had been spending more and more time with her. He would often meet her at home and fuck her during the lunch hour to then only call you afterwards to check in with you. At first you would torture yourself and answer his calls but soon you became so indifferent to him that you would now ignore his calls and send him to voicemail.

As you grew indifferent and numb to it all over the months that passed, ultimately checking out of your relationship with Chan, he became more attentive to you and almost clingy and smothering wanting to spend time with you whenever you came home from the events that would keep you busy and away from home. It was the attention you thought you had from him and wanted from him since the beginning, he was finally willing to give it to you now. But it was all in vain now as you knew exactly what was going on in your relationship. You kept growing distant with Chan until all of your interactions were just a perfunctory gesture either in the eye of the public or the watchful eyes of your staff.

Your heart remained completely obliterated in the black hole in your chest as you slipped a mask onto your face each time you stepped out into the public eye. You no longer felt your heart beating for anything, there was no spark left to ignite as you continued to host events for your friends and family.

That was until two weeks ago, you had planned and was hosting a bachelorette party for one of your friends who had finally decided to dive in and tie the knot with her long term boyfriend. You were dressed in a tight emerald dress that was cut low to showcase some cleavage while it fell well above your knees highlighting your thighs, you knew you looked great because when you had left the house tonight Chan had did a double take when he spotted you and tried to talk you into not attending and staying in with him. But thankfully you had easily side stepped him when his manager had shown up to the house to “talk about some things going on in the company”. The way she had eyed you had even told you how great you looked as jealousy twisted her lips into an ugly sneer.

Even that interaction hadn’t sparked anything in your deadened heart but the dashing handsome man sitting next to you at the bar was starting to cause embers to spark within you. He had been lurking in the shadows of the popular club that you had chosen for the party tonight and had kept his eye on your group. He had even been attentive and gotten you anything that you needed plus a few extras that the girls were appreciative of. When the girls were distracted you had made your way to the bar and taken a seat hoping he’d come join you. Thankfully he had when you had placed your drink order with the bartender, he had slipped effortlessly into the seat next to and gestured at the bartender with two fingers. 

“I want to thank you for taking care of us. It’s greatly appreciated.” You say to him as you turn to face him and smile gratefully at him. He smirks softly before nodding his head once at your words.

”You’re more than welcome. If there’s anything that you want that I could provide for you please let me know. I own the club.” He says in a deep tone as he leans closer to you before turning his whole body to face you. One of his arms comes up to rest at the back of your stool while his other arm leans against the bar top almost caging you in as he stares into your eyes with a sure confidence of himself. Your eyes widen slightly at the knowledge that he’s Choi Jongho, a successful club owner in the city.

”Well it’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Choi.” You say pleasantly as you hold your hand out for him to shake. “You may know my father, Tucker Candela.” You inform him as he takes your hand gently and slowly lifts it to his face to press a quick kiss to your knuckles causing your eyes to widen slightly.

”I do, I know of your husband as well Mrs. Bahng.” He informs you softly and you feel the embers that had started to spark sizzle out.

”Oh.” You say disappointed before smiling softly at him.

”What I don’t know is how he could let his beautiful wife out of the house dressed so tempting as you are dressed.” He says lustfully as his eyes heat while they rake up and down your body. And suddenly those embers are igniting and catching on fire in an inferno inside your chest. You smirk softly at him which he returns as his eyes sparkle with challenge tempting you to respond.

”You find me tempting and beautiful?” You ask in a sultry whisper and his smirk widens on his face as he keeps his eyes on you. 

“Would you let me show you how beautiful I find you?” He asked in a dark, desirous tone. Your breath comes out in a gasp as heat blooms within your lower stomach and you feel your thighs clenched tightly with want. You shiver as you feel one of his fingers glide slowly down your bare arm and your head turns to follow the movement of his finger. “We can be as discreet or open as you want.” He assures you and your eyes dart over to him as he stares at you silently.

There’s something comforting in his gaze and you jolt quietly when you feel a steady thump of your heart ring out in your chest. A heartbeat. Your blood sings with relief as you begin to feel your heart to beat once more after laying dormant for some many months. Your breath gasps out softly and you can’t help but reach out to place a gentle hand on his forearm that’s leant against the bar top desperate for a connection with this man who’s putting the pieces of your heart back together for you.

”Please.” You beg him in a gasp and he focuses his eyes directly on your own before nodding his head once. He then stands from his seat and leans down to whisper in your ear.

”Go to the bathroom, follow that hallway to a set of stairs at the end. My office is up there, I’ll let my men know to allow you up.” He whispers and you nod your head once before he’s slipping away from you.

You move back to your group to check in on them making sure that they would be okay without you for a little bit of time. Then you move through the club to the bathrooms and head down the dark hallway past them to the large ominous looking man. He nods his head once at you before stepping to the side and gesturing for you to make your way up them. 

When you make it up to his office Jongho is waiting for you at the door holding it open for you as he takes your hand gently in his and guides you into his office. That night you and Jongho spend it piecing your broken heart back together into something that’s so much stronger than what you were born with.

*-*-*-*

You’re rushing around the spare bedroom trying to make sure that you have everything for your three day weekend trip that you had planned with Jongho a week ago. The two of you had been spending more and more time together ever since meeting six months ago, oftentimes it was secret meetings at his club while you were out “prepping for events” you were involved in but other times it was under the nose of everyone out in the public at these events. At first it was hot, heavy and sexual between the two of you but soon it turned to something more sensual and meaningful. You soon found yourself falling in love with Jongho and while you tried to slow yourself there was just something about him that made your heart beat at an accelerated pace.

You were excited for this weekend to spend it uninterrupted with him after not having much time for each other lately. You needed to have that deep connection that you had both found that fateful night at his club. You wanted him to consume you entirely as you moved into this new chapter of your life. This weekend was going to be a time of amazing changes for you and you couldn’t wait or contain your excitement. Passing your vanity mirror you caught sight of your excited smile that graced your face and paused as you took yourself in for a quiet moment. You were dressed for comfort in a pair of baggy black sweatpants that hung low on your hip bones, a dark maroon hoodie and your hair was pulled up out of your face in a sloppy bun, you looked cozy as you grinned at yourself feeling happy for once after a very long time.

”Don’t you look cute?” Came Chan’s bemused voice causing your smile to immediately dim on your face as you turned to face him. He was leaning against your doorframe with his arms crossed over his broad chest as his eyes danced up and down your body. You internally flinched at his attentions but were glad for your baggy clothes hiding your body from his eyes. “R eady for your girls’ weekend away?” He asked curiously as he pushed away from the doorway and moved closer to you. You smiled excitedly at the reminder of where you were going as you nodded your head at him before moving to your suitcase and double checking it once more for everything that you packed.

”I am. I’m excited to get away for a few days. Just relax and enjoy myself.” You said truthfully and Chan nodded his head as he came to sit down at the foot of your bed and frowned softly at his movements. “Is there something wrong Chan?” You asked curiously not really interested in what was going on with him but you knew he was looking for a reaction from you. This had become a mindless routine between the two of you since you had met Jongho and had started spending more time with him, Chan would come to you looking for some reassurance or a reaction from you and you would dutifully give it to him so that it was easier to keep him at bay this way. You gave him what he wanted and he left you alone for the most part.

”Do you have a moment to talk about something with me?” He asked as he looked over his shoulder at you. The hair at the back of your neck rose and you had a slight inclination that this was going to be about Jongho if the unsure and insecure look on Chan’s face was anything to go by.

”Of course. What did you need to talk about Chan?” You asked sweetly as you walked to the corner of your bed and leant against the post there.

”I don’t want to start an argument with you right before you leave for a weekend away.” He began to explain and you furrowed your brow in faux confusion as your mind hissed one word, liar. “But I wanted to talk to you about your friendship with Choi Jongho. I think you’re getting too close to him and soon others will start talking.” He said worriedly as he looked up at you from his seat on the bed. You gazed down at him still furrowing your eyebrows at him as your mouth pouted slightly at his words.

”But Chan, he’s become a close friend.” You tell him and he nods his head at your words.

”I know pretty girl, I know. And I’m so happy you’ve made another friend. But I think you’re a little too close to him. I mean he’s a young successful business man, what will people think if you keep getting close to him?” He says expressing his concern for your new friendship. You internally smirk as you catch onto the fact that he mentioned how young Jongho is and how successful he is, without a doubt the real reason that Chan wanted you to stop being close to Jongho. You leant further over the post towards Chan and he smiled softly up at you as he tilted his head up, no doubt expecting you to agree with him and reasoning.

”And what would people think if they all knew about your unborn child with your company manager?” You asked in a dangerously low tone that had Chan’s smile dying quickly on his lips as his eyes widened and began to dart around your face.

”What?” He asked in a confused whisper as he watched you quietly with dancing eyes. You smirked down at him enjoying the happiness that quickly left his face as he understood your words and the implications from them. You pressed your index finger under his chin and Chan flinched at the touch.

”Did you think I’d remain blind to your disgusting betrayal? How you worked with my father to make me fall in love with you just so that I would get married? That you would move the woman you were actually in love with into my home? Just so you could keep her close enough to keep fucking her?” You asked him darkly and Chan’s eyes widened at each fact that you laid at his feet. “Did you think I wouldn’t catch you in the act and hear you confess your love to her while admitting to the baby you put in her belly?” You asked as you glared at him darkly with hate filled eyes. 

“Pretty girl-“ he gasped out as he gulped loudly but you cut him off as you pressed your index finger harshly into the underside of his chin.

”You disgust me.” You hissed at him. “I loved you once Chan, you made sure of that didn’t you?” You asked bitterly as you laughed harshly at his wide eyed stare. “Played with my emotions, kept me blind to what was going on under my own roof and had me in your palm just where you wanted me huh?” You asked as your eyes hardened while staring at him before your top lip sneered at him. “Well don’t worry Channie” you cooed at him in that sweet tone you had once heard all those months ago. “My eyes are finally open now.” You said in a low dark tone before stepping away from him without a second glance.

You moved to your suitcase and quickly zipped it up, not bothering to keep an eye on Chan. You heard him stand from the bed and turn to face you but you didn’t pay him any mind.

”What does that mean for us? Where does that leave us?” He asks suddenly and you scoff softly at his questions as you pick up your suitcase by the handle and turn to face him. “I don’t want to lose you!” He cries out in a soft lament and you laugh bitterly at his sad performance as your eyes connect with his and you feel absolutely nothing for him.

”You lost me a long time ago.” You said disgustedly as you walked past him and out of the bedroom. Margot is walking down the hallway with a man in a neat business suit following close behind her and you smirk wickedly as you realize that the planets have aligned perfectly for once for you. 

“You have a lovely weekend Miss. We will be here waiting for your return.” Margot says with a head nod as you pass her and your father’s lawyer. Your smirk turns into a happy excited grin as you swing the front door open and spot Jongho waiting at the open back passenger door of his town car that’s going to be your ride to your weekend destination. You hear Chan’s shout from inside the house and your grin widens as you know that your father’s lawyer is advising of his breach of contract to the clause that was buried in their contract that they had signed all those years ago, if a child is fathered with any other woman before your wife you would be held in breach of contract and all support and funding will be pulled from your company and the marriage will be dissolved.

You quickly rushed down the front steps of your house and glee filled your whole body. The driver quickly took your suitcase from your hand and you launched yourself into Jongho’s waiting arms feeling his love begin to pour into you as he held you close. He pressed a sweet loving kiss to your lips before pulling away to rush you into the back of the car chuckling as you giggled knowingly at his rushed movements.

SKZ Taglist: @intartaruginha, @kayleefriedchicken, @babigriin

[ghost-like-pale]

a flinch is enough

info: the past never forgets, and techno never forgives. 》 they/them 》 in canon + platonic 》 1.4k words

warnings: sexual assault, explicit descriptions of murder/blood, hurt/comfort, swearing

a/n: this was a request from my beautiful 🌹 anon, thank you for sending this in. i made the implications of sexual assault a a little more subtle but i still hope you like it.

this blog it meant as a way of coping with trauma/mental issues, please don't report it. if you don't want to see what i write, please just block me.

——♤——

the moonlit sky was a beautiful dark blue as you stared at the light. you had been doing housework the entire day due to your counterpart being too busy with whatever he was brewing upstairs. the piglin hybrid usually helped you when he was home, it's his house after all. but today was different, you supposed.

you were so caught up in the moon's doings that you didn't notice the tall figure creeping down the stairs and right behind you. he assumed you were aware of him and went to tap on your shoulder.

as soon as he does you whip your head around, backing away from him as you hold one arm in front of your face and the other in front of your lower body. the shaking of your body became more prominent as time went on.

"(y/n)?"

you couldn't look at him. you weren't strong enough.

"(y/n), please. look at me."

you lowered your arms hesitantly and looked him in the eyes still filled with fear.

"(y/n), i'm not going to hurt you. i promise."

you averted your gaze and drop both your arms. tears leaked out of your eyes and cupped your face with your hands, all the memories coming back and hitting you like a truck.

"i'm so sorry, techno."

you dropped to the floor, your knees buckling under you and techno barely being able to catch you. you felt a heavy, warm cape drape over your figure while a worried piglin grunt escaped techno's throat. he got on one knee and rested one of his hands on your shoulder.

"don't apologize."

two simple words managed to tug at your heartstrings so harshly you couldn't hold it in anymore. you sobbed loudly into your hands, completely losing any posture you tried to maintain. techno was startled, thinking he did something wrong. he quickly snapped out of it, however, and pulled your body by the shoulders into his chest. his firm grasp made you feel secure, stifling your cries a little.

"...are you alright?"

you knew he had no idea how to handle it from here, but you appreciated the concern and kindness he showed. you pulled back from his embrace and wiped your eyes gingerly.

"i'm.. a little better."

"good."

the voices wanted to know who did this - who made you this way. who the fuck hurt you? he tried to keep them quiet, but he wanted them dead as much as his mind.

"can you tell me what happened?"

everything was silent for a few seconds. the voices were quiet, nothing came out of techno's mouth. you sighed and shakily started explaining yourself. techno listened silently, trying to catch every detail and description of the man who scarred you. he had a basic image of him in his mind by the time you were done.

"thank you for telling me."

techno glanced outside the window, the soft glow of the moon telling him it's late. how long had he been brewing? he shuffled a bit and eventually stuck an arm under your legs and upper body. with a small yelp you were lifted a few feet in the air, the cape that you were siting under fell off your back and onto the floor in the proces.

"you need some rest."

you didn't bother trying to stop him. your mind was foggy and your body felt heavy.

"thank you, techno."

"shh, there's no need to thank me."

in comfortable silence you were carried up the stairs and into techno's room. you were confused, you had your own room after all. you didn't mind, though. he placed you on the mattress he slept on rarely. his bed was bigger, the blanket was heavier, the pillow was softer, everything felt better. you wrapped yourself in the plush blanket and felt your eyelids getting heavier already.

"sleep well, (y/n)."

just as he was about to stand up you grabbed a hold of his wrist. he looked at you quizzically, knitting his eyebrows together.

"where are you going?"

"don't worry, i won't be away for long. now sleep."

"fine. good night, techno."

"good night."

—

looking through his bag once more technoblade checked if he forgot to grab anything; he had food, arrows, ender pearls, potions and a small knife. on his hips hung his axe, crossbow and sword, yearning to be used. his bag was full and everything he needed was in his possession. before he opened the door techno noticed the red velvet fabric resting on the ground. with a few paces he arrived in the kitchen and picked up the cape. he swung it over his shoulders and adjusted it carefully. with a loud exhale he stepped out of his house and into the cold weather of the tundra. he whisteled a command and one of the wolves in the pack jumped out of the enclosure it sat in and rushed over to techno's side. he was going to find them.

you've shown him your previous residence multiple times, which is where he was going to look first. it was his best guess. while making his way over to your former abode the wolf that traveled with him was scouting out ahead, hoping it would find it faster than techno.

techno's eyes shoot in the animal's direction when it starts barking aggressively at a moving figure across the woods. the voices screamed at him to assist his pet, to shoot him, kill him immediately, to which he happily obliged. he sped over to his companion, hoping to catch a better glimpse of the person.

"stop him, now!"

techno ordered the animal. after a few seconds he heard a loud thud followed by a yell belonging to a man in immense pain. he made his way over to the barking wolf, it having a slightly stained mouth from its jaws going through the man's flesh and muscles. he found them.

"what's the rush?"

he towered over the other male pathetically writhing on the floor. his calf had a nasty teeth mark, bleeding profusely and covered in dirt and saliva.

"p-please... don't... hurt me!"

"why shouldn't i?"

technoblade hated these kind of men; not even willing to fight or run. just begging and whimpering for mercy. it made him sick. the wolf that followed him all the way here was still barking, ready to tear the man to shreds.

he takes his netherite axe off his hip and hoists it over his shoulder. techno looks the other man right in the eyes, fully aware it fills him with fear. he wanted to feel everything you were put through. he was going to feel your pain.

"i...i've never done anything to you..!"

technoblade froze at the sentence. nothing? he thinks he's done nothing? he's not completely wrong; he's never physically hurt him - he's never even met him before. his train of thought was interrupted by the voices yelling in his head. they were screaming at him to cut him, to strangle him, to burn him, anything. he needed to feel pain.

"does the name (y/n) mean anything to you?"

the horror on the man's face got worse by the second, him figuring out why techno is here. the piglin drops to one knee and gets about an inch away from his victim's face.

"am i going to get an answer?"

"y-yes! we were friends a few years ago."

techno let his axe fall off his shoulder and into the dirt, the blade only falling a few inches away from the other male's injured leg.

"do friends traumatize each other?"

the question filled the victim with dread, his monotone voice only adding to the fear.

"y-you don't know what we did!"

the sudden surge in confidence surprised techno, to be sure. there was nothing more pathetic than a man yelling at the brink of death in such a tone. he scoffed with an amused expression and retracted his axe back into the holder that rested on his hip.

"yeah! they were lying to you, i promise. that's the reason i stopped being friends in the first- GAH!"

his sentence was cut of by a dagger being plunged into his stomach and dragged up to his ribs, cutting open his body. he mewled and moaned in agonizing pain, unable to form any coherent words.

"you disgust me."

technoblade stood up, his ears twitching and voices pleased. the blood on his hand dripped on the dried leaves as he called the wolf he brought with him. as the animal sped over to technoblades' side the screams of the impaled man were completely gone. looking over his shoulder he sees the lifeless body of the man who has haunted you for a long time.

he'll never hurt you again.

——♤——

thank you for reading, hope you liked it.

masterlist

taglist;

@esylwen

[hpimaginesandblurbs]

i don't know if you getting requests but can you write something like the reader (a slytherin if it makes a difference but don't really matter) gets jealous about Draco with Pansy and give him the silent treatment, at some point he lose his patience and fuck the brattyness out of her

pairing: draco malfoy x reader 

warning(s): 18+, dom!draco, orgasm control/denial, edging, choking, degradation

word count: 1.7k

a/n: as a self proclaimed brat, this will be my fantasy of the week. this one goes out to all my bratty draco lovers - enjoy!

“What the fuck is your issue Y/N?” Draco asked, storming into your room. 

The day had been a never ending saga of you giving Draco the silent treatment and him growing increasingly more frustrated with you. But really, it wasn’t your fault. It was his own. 

It started last night at the party. Draco, your fucking boyfriend, decided it would be a wise choice to spend his night hanging out with Pansy instead of you. Sure, you were having a good time with Theo and Daphne, but he was more than welcome to join. What he wasn’t welcome to do was schmooze with his ex-girlfriend where everyone could see. 

And then it continued at breakfast. And although he took his normal spot at the table beside you, he kept whispering in hushed tones with Pansy all throughout. 

So you decided to give him the silent treatment all day, much to your friends dismay. 

But now here he was, in your room, boiling with anger, and he expecting you to talk. 

Not going to happen. 

You simply looked back down at the book you had been flipping through to kill time, not even sparing him a second glance. 

“What the fuck am I missing? Because the last time I checked I didn’t do anything to warrant you acting like a fucking brat,” he said, walking quickly through your room to stop at the end of your bed, leaning against the footrest. 

You only looked up at him and raised a brow, internally applauding yourself when you saw how utterly confused he looked.

“I’ll give you one last chance before I take matters into my own hands, and you’re not going to like that. So. What. Is. The. Issue?” He asked slowly, emphasizing every word. 

You had to give it to him. If it had been anyone but you, his little display would have been intimidating. If it had been anyone but you, they would have spilled all of their secrets right then. But you saw right through the act. And honestly, you were quite intrigued by what he meant by ‘taking matters into his own hands.�� 

So once again, you said nothing, just turned back to your book and ignored him. 

You weren’t even sure how he got over to you so quickly and silently, but the next thing you knew the book was getting thrown across the room and you were getting flipped onto your stomach, your legs dangling off the side of the bed. 

“I gave you so many chances today, Y/N,” he said, a faux sympathy in his voice that was dangerous and arousing all at once. “But if you’re going to be a brat, you’ll get fucked like one.” 

With that, his hands were ripping your pants and underwear down your legs in one go just before you heard the noise of his belt coming off. You were growing wetter by the second, completely caught off guard by his behavior, a fact he was all too aware of due to the fact that you were displayed in front of him. 

“And you’re already fucking soaked,” he commented, a finger coming up to run through your slit. “A bratty little whore. Is this what you wanted? Wanted to get punished like a little slut?” He asked, but you both knew he wasn’t getting a response. 

His finger left only to be replaced by the tip of his cock, which shocked you at first. Normally, no matter what mood he was in, he’d make sure you were stretched enough to take him painlessly. Clearly, that care had flown out the window today. He did say you were going to get fucked like a brat after all. 

You did your best to relax your body as he pushed inside of you, his cock filling and stretching you more than it ever had before. But your efforts were futile, a whine coming from your throat as he continued to fuck into you without letting you adjust. 

“Aww, does it hurt?” He asked, mockingly. “Maybe you should have thought about that before acting like a dumb fucking brat all day.” 

He fucked you harshly, not holding back a single bit. You did your best to stay quiet just to toy with him some more, but his efforts didn’t go unappreciated. A few moans had slipped through, only egging him on. But the moment he pounded against your g-spot, you completely lost it. 

“Draco, please,” you gasped, needing him to do that a million more times and then some. 

“So she fucking speaks,” he said harshly, coming down to drape his chest along your back, his face aligned with yours. His thrusts never faltered as one hand left your hip and creeped around your neck, pressing down just enough to make you dizzy. “You love getting fucked like this, don’t you? Love when I treat you like a fucking whore?” 

“Yes,” you hissed out, trying to control your breathing even as he fucked all the air out of your body. 

“Well that’s lovely because you’re not cumming until you tell me what the fuck is wrong,” he told you, not even out of breath. 

Your heart jolted at his words, not wanting to give up the act yet. But you desperately wanted to cum. He was pushing you closer and closer with every thrust, so you knew you’d have to make a choice soon. 

“I don’t want to tell you,” you argued, but even you knew it sounded pathetic at this point. 

You heard him scoff behind you, but your words only made his double down, practically forcing you to the brink of an orgasm. 

“That’s not going to work. Tell me,” he said, his grip tightening threateningly on your neck. 

When you didn’t even make a sound, he completely stopped moving inside of you, planning on waiting you out until you calmed down. You let out a whine and tried to fuck yourself back onto him, but his hand on your hip immediately forced you back down on to the bed, your plan now useless. 

And you knew you were fucked now. He was in full control of your entire body and the entire situation, leaving you no other option but to tell him. 

“There’s such an easy fix to this, Y/N. You tell me why you’ve been acting like this all day and you get to cum. Don’t think I won’t leave you aching,” he told you, his hips beginning to roll into yours again slowly. 

“You’re a dick,” you bit out, enraged that he had you trapped. But you couldn’t deny his plan was utterly fucking genuis. The man knew what he was doing. 

“And you’re a brat. I wouldn’t have to be like this with you otherwise.” 

That only made you roll your eyes, but it didn’t stop the moan from leaving your lips as the tip of his cock moved directly over your g-spot over and over again, bringing you right back to the brink. 

“Tell me,” he demanded, squeezing your throat before loosening up, the raspiness in his voice letting you know he was close to his own orgasm. Not that that would stop him from torturing you. He’d edge himself for hours if it meant getting what he wanted out of you. 

So you gave in. 

“You were flirting with Pansy all last night and this morning,” you gasped out in one breath, hoping he knew you were being truthful. 

“We’ll talk about that later,” he said, giving up the mean dom act and staying true to his promise of letting you cum. 

The hand that had been on your hip snuck in between your body and the bed, going directly for your clit. The second his hand was on you, you let out a loud moan and felt your walls constrict around his cock. He barely had to move his finger until you were cumming around him with a scream, him following you right over the edge. 

You both laid breathless for a moment, his body still draped over yours, as you both silently came back to reality. He rearranged you easily until you were lying back on the pillows before coming down to lay beside you, facing you on his side. 

“Is that really what all that was about today? You were jealous of Pansy?” He asked, his voice soft now, as he brushed some hair out of your face. 

“Yeah,” you said, too tired to defend yourself. 

“Darling, you do realize how ridiculous that is, right? One - you shouldn’t be jealous of anyone. You’re it for me. And two - there was nothing to even be jealous about,” he told you reassuringly, making you feel a bit better but you still had a bone to pick. 

“What do you mean there was nothing to be jealous about? You were with her practically all of last night and this morning at breakfast the two of you were whispering and I was right there,” you said, growing more defensive the longer this conversation went on. 

He sighed but looked at you carefully, deciding if he wanted to say what he had to say. He must have seen something because finally, he opened his mouth to explain himself. 

“It was meant to be a surprise, but she was helping me plan something for you. Her father knows a guy who owns a hotel in London and I was thinking about getting us out of here for a weekend,” he explained and suddenly you felt so foolish for the whole thing. 

“Oh,” was all you had to say, no longer willing to make eye contact with him. 

“See how easy this could have been fixed if you just told me what was wrong when I first asked?” He asked, and you could hear the smirk in his voice before you even looked up to see it. 

“I guess,” you agreed with a shrug, not warning to admit total defeat. 

“But no, my girl had to go and act like a brat just to drive me fucking crazy,” he said with a chuckle, pulling you into his chest with ease. 

“It’s fun being a brat sometimes. I got great sex out of it,” you finally said, your eyes twinkling with mischief when you looked back up at him. 

“What am I going to do with you?” He asked, rolling his eyes, before connecting his lips to yours. 

Little did he know, you had a lot of suggestions for what he could do with you next time.

[chosonore]

part two | yearning

yearning [noun. a strong feeling of wishing for something, especially something that you cannot have or get easily]

pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader

summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.

wordcount: 8.2k

content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, somewhat suggestive, noritoshi is kind of a dick but i promise it gets better so please don’t lose faith in him, we’re somewhat following the timeline of the anime/manga so spoilers ahead!! but what follows afterwards is purely pulled out of my ass lol, lowercase intended [UNEDITED]

a/n: hello, here i am again with a super long chapter ( ˙꒳​˙ ) it is so incredibly messy and i’m so sorry if it gets confusing for you; this just really shows how sporadic my writing process is, i have some guidelines that i follow but sometimes venture off my path when i suddenly get a new idea. nevertheless, i hope you can somewhat enjoy this chapter. feedback or just your thoughts are much appreciated! for those that are waiting for the ~steamy~ content, it is coming next chapter hehe. as always, stay safe everyone (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

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"noritoshi, could you just stay quiet today? i'm really not in the mood," you sighed as you entered the training grounds. the exhaustion from the mission the day before was clinging onto your bones, heavy and admonishingly. the normally exciting sparring lessons seemed dreadful, knowing that all students were to practice today. to practice the balance within the team, utahime had claimed the week prior as she was reprimanding your lack of discipline when it came to noritoshi. stubbornness ran in the family; you refused to back down when someone was hurting your pride. said stubbornness came back to bite you - instead of taking a break to fully recover, you claimed that you would be fine with the help of your reverse curse techniques.

as the days came and went, the yearly tournament slowly approached. after the devastating defeat last year, everyone was on edge and determined to beat tokyo tech. well, that excluded todo, he was just looking for stronger opponents it seemed. noritoshi, on other hand, appeared to be more agitated than usual - if he wasn't barking orders at the other students, he would criticize their fighting styles. you knew he wanted to win the tournament at all costs, to prove himself worthy of the position as the kamo clan head. but he was too rigid about it, rarely accepting help and haughty when questioned. you've been avoiding him as best as you could and of all days, today had to be one where you could not. opponents would be swapped every ten minutes so everyone could practice with another student - facing noritoshi for ten minutes was easy. so you thought. 

"can't promise anything, princess," noritoshi retorted smugly and pat your head like he usually did when he was trying to get a reaction out of you. life always found a way to prove you wrong. for some reason, noritoshi had made it his goal to get under your skin as much as possible on this particular day and it worked. it was childish to engage in this banter but you couldn’t help it. the feeling of not being taken serious by noritoshi had always bothered you. it almost seemed like he wasn’t considering you equal to him, always looking down on you. being stressed wasn’t good, your mother had always reminded you, so it was best to remain calm and collected.

stay calm and collected, calm and collected, you repeated in your head. gritting your teeth, you slapped his hand away and jogged away from him towards todo. at least he'd leave you alone while you were near todo - probably to avoid todo getting mad at him and not wanting to hear about takada-chan again. he was the ultimate and fool-proof shield. the taller male was walking at a leisurely pace in front of you, leading the group as per usual. you caught up to him, slowing down so it didn't look like you just jogged all the way here. away from the menace that was noritoshi. todo glanced at you suspiciously before subtly turning around. a guilty groan left your lips. of course he knew, he always knew. as the unlikely friendship was blossoming between the two of you, you rapidly realized that todo was far more perceptive than he would ever let on. even though he took lighthearted jabs at you, he didn't care enough to intervene; it was a mutual understanding. in a way, you appreciated that he treated you like everyone else, not once had he tried to approach you about your deteriorating relationship with noritoshi.

upon seeing the unlikely pair, miwa speed up as well to join them. even though todo scared her to no end, your presence eased her nerves a little. after all, you weren’t scared to put him back in his place when he was being dramatic. she nudged you gently in greeting, nervously clasping her sword in front of her. "do you think we'll win this year's competition? we've been training a lot, so i hope i can show off some of my skills."

"never say never? even if we lose, it's a good experience to learn from," you replied wryly. while the students of the kyoto tech were strong and coordinated well with each other, noritoshi and you could easily destroy the balance. he didn't know when to stop, persistently pushing your boundaries and you fell for his tricks every time. as long as you could work out a strategy that involved working alone or with a partner that was not him, you'd be fine. your safest bet was to work with miwa since you were both sword users and have practiced together extensively. if noritoshi and you exhibited enough chaos to tear the world apart, miwa and you represented the perfect balance when fighting.

"you're our secret weapon though!" miwa exclaimed excitedly, elbowing you gently. "no one knows you can heal, so we'll use that to our advantage."

"uh…"

"what? don't tell me you-"

"i've asked yuta about advice before," you interrupted her, scratching your head sheepishly. "he's one of the very few people who can use reverse cursed techniques, so i asked him to give me some pointers and how to use it more to my advantage."

when yuta participated in the competition the year before, you were absolutely mesmerized by his level of skills and how he had supposedly mastered them in such a short amount of time. of course you hadn't told anyone that you were talking to him - everyone was still salty about the defeat and would, undoubtedly, have crucified you on sight. truthfully, you didn't understand why everyone was so hellbent about hating the students of your sister school. weren't you all colleagues in a sense? yuta was nice and respectful towards you, always trying his best to explain you how to implement his tips. along the way, you might have developed a tiny, fleeting crush on him but never acted on it. it was only a crush after all and you didn’t feel certain about it not being a mere distraction from your feelings for noritoshi. perhaps it was the way he made you feel, the way he treated you like noritoshi used to before. you couldn't even deny it, you missed your old 'toshi. when you looked at him now, it hurt you, seeing all the traces of gentleness having left him.

"really? you never told me! what is he like? he looked like he was really nice but there were moments where i was really scared of him. well maybe not him but rather… that curse."

"uh, yuta is actually not that scary. he's really helpful and always there for you when you need advice. i think i've improved a lot since we've started talking." you made a mental note to thank yuta again if you got to see each other anytime soon. apparently, gojo had sent him on a mission overseas a few months back and ever since, your exchanged messages grew to be rather sporadic. still, you appreciated that he made an effort to text you every now and then to let you know how he was doing and in turn, also asked about your wellbeing.

"fraternizing with the enemy, i see," noritoshi's voice rang out beside you, dangerously close to your ear. it made you jump in surprise, not having sensed him earlier - your hand automatically shot out to hit him, only for him to catch it in time. you shot him an annoyed glare. beside you, miwa and todo glanced at each other, silently agreeing to ignore the squarreling pair.

"i don't see how that's any of your business."

"it is if it jeopardizes our chance at winning," noritoshi narrowed eyes at you in suspicion. of course he didn't trust you, you were nothing but a mild inconvenience to him. you didn't owe him an explanation, not today and not in the future. any friendship or friendliness between you was long gone. refusing to look into his eyes, you attempted to tug your hand away from him but instead accomplished the exact opposite as noritosh tightened his grip. "what did you tell him?"

"he only helped me with training, that's all! it doesn't concern you anyways so-"

noritoshi was irritated, you could tell. the anger was rolling off him in waves, intimidating even you. why was he so annoyed by the fact that you asked yuta for advice? it wasn't even farfetched - the only other alternatives were gojo and ieiri, both of which you hadn't mustered up the courage to ask yet. wasn't it in everyone's best interest for you to become a great healer? noritoshi would know best - he was the driving force behind your ambition, the sole reason why you worked to the brink of exhaustion just to show him that you didn’t need his help, that you were worthy of a higher rank.

"i don't want you to hang out with the tokyo tech kids, especially not with him."

"wait, what?" you gaped at him in disbelief. "is this just because you have personal beef with some of them? leave me out of this, i just want to improve and you don't get to tell me what to do." with that you shoved the taller male, stomping past the other students towards utahime who was looking at you in disapproval. you missed the upset frown on noritoshi's face as he followed you, wanting to reach out but stopping midway. it wasn't the right time or place to let you know why he didn't want you around them, not yet. seeing you hang out and being relaxed with everyone else but him hurt him, oh how it hurt him. he wanted you close to him, only see him, talk about him excitedly and with stars in your eyes like you did when you talked about yuta. and yet, he couldn't let you know. the only way to keep you orbiting around him was to play these silly games, rile you up and drawing a reaction out of you. it was the only way to make you pay attention to him. and so he did.

calm and collected, my ass, you thought two hours later. of course todo and noritoshi had completely eviscerated the rest of the students with no mercy, leaving everyone in a sour mood. whatever strategy your team would have for the tournament was probably thrown out the window, the two of them would take care of it anyways. not that they would stand a chance against yuta.

“yuta isn’t here?” the disappointment in your voice was palpable. you did look forward to meeting yuta again, thinking that he might have come home from his overseas trip for the tournament. but you supposed getting to know the other students wasn’t too bad, you were interested in the first years and their skills. they certainly looked more approachable than your classmates. miwa told you how todo and mai had met two of them a few weeks prior and promptly started a senseless fight that was then stopped by the second years. it landed them in the water as utahime gave them a lecture - while she didn't tolerate the childish behaviour, everyone else seemed to turn a blind eye to it. noritoshi had scoffed in disapproval upon hearing the news, uttering something about not wanting to associate with dimwits like them. 

"nope, he's still overseas. it doesn't matter anyways, we'll still beat you without him," maki replied with a confident grin, arms crossed as she took in the kyoto tech group of students. regardless, you broke out in a sprint and jumped, engulfing her in a warm hug. while you two didn't talk as much as yuta and you did, you were still friends. she was a source of inspiration to you, a master of all kinds of weapons whom you deeply admired. maki gave you some awkward pats before pulling away to introduce you to the first years - megumi, yuji and nobara. the younger students were wary of you, most likely because of their encounter with todo and mai. you couldn't hold it against them, their intensity and stubbornness was something you had to deal with daily after all. you silently cursed the two brash students before taking a deep breath and extending your hand to the ones in front of you.

“hi, i’m y/n, nice to meet you,” you introduced yourself with a friendly smile, visibly relieved when they shook your hand and introduced themselves. especially nobara seemed to be eager to get to know you, fussing over your uniform and inquiring about your skills. you were glad they welcomed you, not wanting to cause any more trouble than would undoubtedly arise for the duration of the tournament. while megumi seemed to be cautious and more reserved around you, yuuji and nobara already treated you like their friend. subconsciously, you envied them for the wholesome friendship dynamic as it reminded you of what you used to have with noritoshi. the fleeting thoughts left as soon as they made an appearance in your head, disappearing when nobara grasped your hand and pulled you towards the buildings to show you around. unbothered by the reactions of your fellow kyoto tech classmates, you followed her - their energy was stifling and the tournament didn't start until later in the day anyways. it was useless to stay with your group and practice, you'd only overexert yourself.

“y/n.” noritoshi called after you sternly, glaring at you when you turned to look at him - ever since stepping foot into the estate, he was moody and more serious than usual.  it was probably him being tense about the tournament, the spirit to win deeply ingrained in his bones. none of the other students seemed to be bothered by the presence of the tokyo tech students, so why should he? ignoring him, you continued your journey until you felt a force harshly pulling you back by the fabric of your hoodie. intuitively, you could tell it was noritoshi. 

"noritoshi, let me go," you snapped at him irritated, struggling to free yourself from his grasp.

"we have things to discuss, did you forget that?"

"i don't want to," like a petulant child, you gave him an angry look as you stood your ground. tension filled the space between you, tethering on the edge of anger. why was a normal conversation never possible with him? and why did he treat you like a child? you let up when megumi appeared to your side, shooting noritoshi a warning glance as he attempted to remove his hand from yours. even though he didn't know what your relationship was like, he stepped in regardless - you were impressed by him. even if noritoshi remained calm, he was a menace to deal with afterwards.

"she said no, didn't you hear-"

"get your hands off of her." noritoshi growled at megumi, the sudden influx of cursed energy that was surrounding him made all students in close proximity freeze. you couldn't hide you shock either, he had never been this threatening towards someone else. he might push boundaries to the extreme, knowing that he could away with it due to his bloodline and family name but he had never outright threatened anyone that didn't do his bidding. with those words he pulled you towards him, wrapping his arm around your waist protectively. paralyzed, you blankly stared at him. his cursed energy was suffocating you, never had you experienced this amount of pressure. not only that, the unusual closeness set your heart ablaze, burning down the walls that you'd carefully constructed around it.

"you're being ridiculous," megumi challenged the older male, unbothered by the strong pressure. he didn't understand why noritoshi was making a big deal out of this. surely he didn't consider megumi a threat? noritoshi's hold on you strengthened and with panic you realized the blood-red markings appearing on his face, he was being serious, oh god he was going to rip megumi apart-

"hey hey, stop it you two," panda's voice snapped you out of your trance and seemingly noritoshi's as well as he wacked his arm. "you just got here and you're already stirring up trouble, are you not ashamed?"

noritoshi simply scoffed and let you go, his cursed energy dissipating with the movement. the rest of the students were as stunned as you were, no one daring to make another move until the tension evaporated. todo was the only one who looked rather annoyed, smacking the back of noritoshi’s head as he started to tell him off - noritoshi, however, kept walking past him towards the dorms that they were staying at for the week. it was almost like there was steam coming off his head as a result of holding his anger in. nobara gaped at you in surprise, pointing at you accusingly. “i didn’t know that was your boyfriend!”

you spluttered in horror, quickly reaching out to her to try and cover her mouth so she wouldn’t say anything incriminating. “n- no you got it wrong! we’re not together, not at all! i hate noritoshi,” you floundered, hastily trying to set the record straight. nobara didn’t look like she believed you, pushing your hands away while giggling. she wiggled her eyebrows at you, whispering at you about how lucky you were to snag such a handsome guy although she thought that he really didn’t have to overreact like that because megumi was harmless. covering your face in embarrassment, you turned away from her and caught a glimpse of an amused todo winking at you.

“i’m serious, nobara!" whatever whining you did, the two of them didn’t let up, making you wonder what you ever did wrong to deserve this scrutiny. as your last resort you grabbed nobara's hand, dragging her along towards a secluded area in the estate. being the subject of the earlier conflict was already troubling enough, you didn't want the other students to get the wrong idea by her wild speculations. nobara was still giggling when you arrived, pinching your arm playfully.

“c’mon, it’s impossible that there is not something between you! did you see the look on his face? i don’t think he would have cared had it been any other person,” she gushed excitedly, her face lighting up in glee. with no doubt, nobara enjoyed poking her nose in other people's business, seemingly having a knack for sniffing out the hidden. a dejected sigh left your lip. a younger you would have jumped in happiness after finally receiving noritoshi's attention but the present you knew better. there wasn't more to it, you told yourself and yet, a tiny sliver of doubt made its way into your mind. could he really have been so bothered by another male being so close to you? todo didn't count, obviously.

"no, there's nothing to it, i promise. we don't have the best relationship anymore and mostly fight. i mean yeah his reaction was really uncharacteristic but…"

"anymore?"

"noritoshi and me grew up together and were childhood friends. i- i didn't agree with his antics as we grew up and we drifted apart after that and now… hate each other? he’s just unbearable and we don’t get along. everyone at kyoto tech knows that so they’re mostly ignoring our fights. and it’s childish, i know, i know..." 

“are you sure? like super duper sure? because it didn’t look like it to me,” nobara contemplatively rubbed her chin. the wheels were turning in her head, something didn’t quite add up. even at first glance, whatever you said made her feel doubtful.

“trust me, i wish it was different too. i mean i used to like him a lot and it makes me sad and i wish we could at least be civil around each other. but he just makes me so angry,” your ramblings stopped nobara’s thinking - so that’s what it was. normally, nobara really didn’t care about other people’s business but this was too juicy to pass up. how far could she push it to make you realize?

why was the layout of all these buildings so confusing? and why were there so many buildings to begin with? you’ve been wandering around for at least five minutes now and you still couldn’t figure out where the hell yuji’s and megumi’s rooms were supposed to be. they didn’t even have any signs around. at this point, it didn’t matter if it took longer than anticipated - the others could wait. nobara had insisted on having a small get together the night before, to get to know each other and play some card games. you couldn’t refuse, it’s been a while since you just hung out with friends without any quarreling. there was no harm in getting to know you future colleagues, even though your classmates were treating them like criminals. so instead of going herself and much to your dismay, nobara had sent you to fetch the other two students, claiming that you would be fine if you just stuck to the measly sketch she’d made for you. most of the rooms you’ve already knocked at remained empty so you couldn’t be far from their rooms, you concluded.

stopping in front of the last remaining door of the corridor, you took a deep breath. this had to be one of their rooms. slowly, you raised your hand to knock at the door when it was suddenly yanked open, startling you in the process and making you drop the piece of paper you were holding. what you weren’t expecting was coming face to face with noritoshi who looked at you as equally confused. he was the last person you wanted to see today, not wanting to confront him about his actions earlier. you couldn’t wrap your head around it; why had he overreacted in such a way? it wasn’t like you were in danger or in need of protection. for a brief moment, you thought that there was a sliver of strange possessiveness. you couldn’t quite place the emotions in his eyes, it made you shudder.

“oh uh, sorry. i was looking for yuji and megumi and this is very obviously not one of their rooms. sorry again. i’ll take my leave,” you awkwardly stammered, taking a step back. noritoshi’s figure was towering over you and in a rare moment, you felt intimidated by him. perhaps it was the dark look in his eyes that told you that he was not thrilled by what you just told him. before you could react, he swiftly grabbed your arm and pulled you inside his room, trapping you against the door.

“w- wait!” you protested weakly, pushing at his chest until his face slowly came into your vision. you couldn’t help but stare at his lips, watching them move as he was talking to you. your ears were ringing, you couldn’t tell what he was saying. the close proximity was suffocating and yet you craved more, not wanting to let him go.

“y/n? did you hear me?” 

“huh?” snapping out of your trance, you looked at him dumbfounded. noritoshi was frowning at you, slightly concerned about your state as you didn’t answer him. just then you finally got a proper look at him. it was a rare sight; noritoshi wearing casual clothes, a simple oversized shirt and shorts, and his hair down without the bindings. feeling nostalgic, your heart clenched. he looked like his old self, the ‘toshi that you loved dearly.

“i said, i don’t want you around them. i don’t- i don’t like seeing you with them,” noritoshi repeated with a strained voice. he placed his hands beside your head, inching closer to you.

“what- noritoshi, you don’t get to tell me who i can hang out with! last time i checked, we’re not even friends anymore so where do you get the idea that you can do this? what’s the big deal ab-” you didn’t get to finish your sentence when he pressed his lips against yours clumsily. you seized up in shock, not returning the kiss as a whirlwind of thoughts entered your mind. holy shit, he was really kissing you. but you hated each other, so why? why, why, why. when you didn’t respond, noritoshi pulled away in panic, spluttering apologies as he moved away from you. your emotional world was in chaos, all the buried and forgotten feelings for him breaking the dams and flooding your senses until the yearning became too much. you were reminded of the conversation you had with your mother years ago - you still wanted him, missed him. you wanted him by your side. desperately, you reached out, fisting the fabric of his shirt as you leaned up to kiss him. noritoshi caught you in his arms, wrapping them around you as he fervently returned the kiss. he was holding you like he was afraid you would dissipate into thin air, frantically pulling you in. his hands were roaming, discovering the expanse of your body.

his touches left you feeling delirious, high on pleasure. a mewl left your lips, pleading him for something, for more. your hands moved higher, feeling his chest and broad shoulders before you wrapped your arms around his neck. his name left your lips in breathy sighs as he peppered kisses down your jaw, pulling the collar of your shirt to the side to gain more access to the expanse of your neck. suddenly, you were hoisted up and pressed against the door as noritoshi held you by your thighs. you struggled to wrap your legs around his waist, to distracted by his relentless ministrations. by the time he's left multiple hickeys on your neck, you were whimpering mess. noritoshi's breath was taken away at the sight of you in his arms, lips swollen from the kisses, the glossy eyes, dishevelled hair and the hickeys that were slowly becoming more visible. he couldn't understand how carelessly you were letting him proceed when you supposedly harboured a strong dislike for him. nevertheless, he enjoyed it and wanted to savour the moment, ingrain it into his memory so he'd never forget why he was treating you like a nuisance.

a loud knock resounded from the door, followed by someone shouting: "noritoshi? has y/n been here?"

out of sheer shock, you shoved noritoshi away from you and nearly fell as you attempted to detangle yourself from him. he caught you in time, signalling you to stay quiet as the person outside was still shuffling around nervously. you slumped against him limply, letting your head rest against his chest. his heart was beating erratically. it made yours fill with pride as you could tell that you had the same effect on him as he did on you. still, the precarious situation suddenly dawned on you - you'd just made out with your sworn enemy and, yes you used to have a crush on him, enjoyed it very much. and by the looks of it, he would have continued if you hadn't pushed him away. the entire ordeal greatly confused you; was noritoshi just playing around with you? it couldn't be, he had initiated it after all. the cold treatment he usually gave you didn't match with his actions just now. you couldn't get close to him, not when he gave you mixed signals. you wanted someone who cherished you and was always sincere so you wouldn't have to second guess their actions.

"huh, i guess noritoshi's already sleeping. we'll have to check somewhere else, i hope she didn't get lost," the person outside mumbled as you stayed silent. the sound of shuffling was heard, then steps away from the room. you stayed put until you were sure they were gone and gently removed yourself from noritoshi's grip, not looking him in the eyes. he didn’t move, letting you go willingly.

“i’m sorry, i don’t know what came over me,” you apologized with a pained voice. “please forget that it ever happened and uhm, please don’t tell anyone.”

noritoshi’s eyes widened at your pleas, moving to stop you from leaving so he could explain himself to you. “y/n, wait, i can ex-”

hastily, you stumbled to open the door, dashing away from him until the building was out of your sight. you poorly hid behind a tree, sinking to your knees as you buried your face in your hands. what the hell. you just made out with your childhood friend turned enemy. your buried feelings were all over the place and your mind just couldn’t stay still. it messed with your outlook as well as your image of noritoshi, distorting and twisting it until you had to rethink your relationship. maybe all this time, you subconsciously hoped that he would return back to his old self and somehow give you an explanation. never having received closure on the end of your friendship, you would even forgive him for the sake of your relationship. were you this shallow? no, you simply harboured a lot of feelings for him. you weren’t able to tell what his thought process was - was he even interested in you? did he see you like that?

“there you are,” you lifted your head to see gojo walking towards you with his hands stuffed inside the pockets of his pants. you almost didn’t recognize him as he simply wore a pair of sunglasses and let his hair down. “the others are looking for you. what are you doing out here? trouble in paradise?”

“n-no! i just needed some time away from everyone to- to catch my breath,” you exclaimed indignantly and perhaps too hastily you realized when gojo smirked at you knowingly. why did everyone assume that there was anything between noritoshi and you? was it that obvious?

“uh huh. that’s not what your neck says,” gojo pointed out while wiggling his eyebrows and offered you a hand to stand up. “he really doesn’t like any competition.”

“fuck,” you cursed quietly, covering the hickeys with one hand while taking gojo’s with your other and pulling yourself up. it was embarrassing enough to meet one of the teachers like this but it was even more embarrassing to know that your teacher had seen the aftermath of your makeout session. 

“i’m not gonna tell anyone, if that’s what you’re concerned about. although it would certainly be funny to tease little noritoshi,” gojo was giggling and you knew he was greatly amused by the entire situation. it almost reminded you of nobara. you groaned in frustration as you trailed behind him towards the girls’ dorms. you needed to hide your neck so no one would question it or grill you until you confessed; the potential embarrassment was mortifying.

your group strategy was already falling apart when todo suddenly disappeared in the depths of the forest, not caring about your teamwork in the slightest. normally, it would frustrate you a lot more if you weren’t already preoccupied with your own troubles. todo would be fine anyways, the remaining group members could work on a strategy on their own. as mechamaru and mai were discussing, you shot a glance at noritoshi. he looked as deadpan as usual, probably not listening to the discussion as he worked better on his own and it was more or less decided that mechamaru and him would be moving on their own while the others would team up. otherwise, you couldn’t tell whether he was bothered by what had transpired between you the night before. on the contrary, he looked calm and composed, probably more focused on his goal than anything else. and for some reason it bothered you.

when you’d returned to nobara’s room last night, gojo had helped you make up an excuse. while dramatically gesturing around, he’d told them that he intercepted her journey towards the boys’ dorms to recruit you for training, claiming that he wanted to teach you more about reverse cursed techniques. although he saved you from scrutiny and embarrassment, you couldn’t help but feel like he might use it as leverage in the future. it was gojo after all, he was unpredictable. absentmindedly, you agreed to whatever plan the others had schemed and grabbed your sword, getting ready to move to your assigned position with miwa. while you had heard of the other students’ skills, you weren’t sure where to place their levels as there was always room for surprises. underestimating opponents was a beginner's mistake. the bell rang out, signaling the start of the tournament; with swift movements, the group members dispersed and slowly moved towards the "enemy".

in the distance, you could already hear loud explosions - it was probably mechamaru happily blasting away his opponents. you gritted your teeth in annoyance, the blasts were too loud for you to make out anyone approaching you. and as you predicted, someone was taking advantage of the noise to stalk up on you. barely being able to block the blow with your sword, you found yourself opposite of maki who was grinning at you. the challenging glint in her eyes told you that she wasn't going to go easy on you but you welcomed it. it was a good opportunity for you to grow and hone your sword wielding skills.

however, it proved to be more difficult to defeat maki than you'd originally anticipated. in mere minutes, maki had already disarmed miwa, leaving her defenseless and you were hanging on a bare thread. your grip on the sword was weakening, laboured breath making your ears ring. it was frustrating, knowing that after all those months of rigorous practice, you still couldn't win a fight. giving up wasn't an option, at the very least you had to give it your all.

"c'mon, you can do better than this!" maki teased you as you ducked away from the swipe of her spear. it missed you by a hair's width and left you scrambling to create more distance between you so you could heal yourself. maki's relentless hits didn't give you any rooms for it - you really had to learn how to constantly apply it to yourself without losing time. from the corner of your eyes, you could see that miwa had picked up the phone. she was probably calling for help, you thought and dished out another hit towards maki which she skillfully dodged. instead, she delivered another blow to your legs, making your knees buckle from the force. you used your sword to support you and took another breath before you tried to lunge at her. in the distance, miwa suddenly collapsed, making you stop mid-move and took another hit from maki that took all the air in your lungs.

"eyes on your opponent, y/n. you know better than to get distracted in a fight, you could've been killed in a real fight," maki reprimanded you as you coughed heavily, gasping for air as you slowly got back up. you were unsteady on your feet, not having enough energy to even heal yourself. conflicted by whether you should face maki again or help miwa, your eyes were flitting between them. maki took advantage of your uncertainty, dealing another blow to you that knocked the sword out of your hand. as your last resort, you kicked at her feet, trying to get her to fall, only to have her pin you to the ground.

"you're going to have to practice a lot more to beat me in the future," she sighed, picking up your sword. panic welled up in your chest - the sword was the only way you could possibly somewhat win this fight but even subconsciously you knew that it was over. reaching out for the sword in desperation, your vision was clouded with tears. it was frustrating, so so frustrating. why couldn't you be as talented as her? or have fast reflexes like noritoshi? why were you ordinary, not being able to make any progress no matter how hard you try?

"i know but i can't give up now!" you defiantly retorted, pushing at her with all might. "i have to win, i just have to show my skills for once and prove myself, i- i-"

even maki softened up at your heart wrenching sobs, easing up on her grip. you both knew it was over. you were probably already eliminated from the tournament, with no other possibility to redeem yourself. she knew that you tried your best and never once underestimated her but something irked her. it was your motivation, your driving force.

"y/n, there's no shame in losing. that's how you grow, make mistakes and learn from them. you tried your best, it's not easy to stand against me for so long."

"i know but there's- i'm still not where i need to be! look at how much progress the others are making in comparison to me! i've been practicing day and night and still, no one is noticing me. i'm just a measly healer and i-"

"y/n." maki cut you off sternly. "is this your motivation? proving yourself to others? you'll not be able to improve if you keep fighting for others. you need to start working on yourself, for yourself. you don't owe anyone anything. but you have to realize that trying to satisfy other people's needs will only make you unhappy and hinder your growth."

"i'm unhappy with my skills! i keep telling myself that it's okay, that i have a rare cursed technique but sometimes i just wish i had a flashy technique or be as strong as you. i don't want to be looked at as if i need protection, i don't want it! i just-" you hiccuped, sniffling again as you wiped your tears with the sleeves of your uniform. "i just want someone to acknowledge me, want him to accept me as an equal…"

"who?" maki's cold look made you freeze in your movements. you didn't mean to let that slip. no one needed to know that the entire time, you were vying for noritoshi's attention. but she was right; there was no point in giving it your all if it wasn't for yourself. it was a silly, childish dream of yours to be equal with him again. he was far out of reach and you couldn't catch up to him.

"n- noritoshi," you admitted in defeat. maki saw right through you, there was no point in lying. she raised her eyebrows at you but didn't question it further. after all, you hadn't told her about the background story. unless nobara had done so, you wouldn't doubt it.

"i'm not gonna ask you why. but this is my advice, do not fight for somebody else. if you relentlessly work on yourself for your own benefit, you'll see progress a lot faster. your technique might not be flashy but it is powerful, remember that. you're a valuable asset to every team," she concluded and pulled you up, awkwardly patting your back as you still sniffled. maki opened her mouth to tell you some comforting words but froze when another extremely loud boom resounded near the entrance of the estate. your eyes widened at the sudden influx of cursed energy - there was no doubt that a high-level curse had just entered the school grounds. you turned to maki to tell her the news but she'd already moved, pointing to miwa.

"take her to a safe place, you can't stay here! in your state, you wouldn't last against such a strong curse," maki yelled at you as she disappeared in the woods. you scrambled frantically, not wanting to be left behind. while you were useless for the tournament, you could at least still be of assistance against a curse. miwa was still laying on the ground, unmoving. you shook her gently, scared that she was seriously hurt. it seemed like she was just sleeping instead; you were relieved. throwing her across your shoulder, you winced in pain but persisted nonetheless. you had to get her away from here, who knows what curses were roaming around. your senses were flooded with the stench of blood and debris, the pressure of cursed energy, the loud rumbles. you couldn't tell where the others were but you hoped they were safe.

a loud thud startled you and you stopped, ready to draw your sword until realization hit you that it was utahime that was inspecting you. determined, you thrusted miwa's limp body towards utahime. 

"miwa will be okay, she's just sleeping! i'm okay too, don't worry, please just take care of her and i'll check on the others!"

"y/n, don't be stupid! you're injured and in no state to help others." utahime attempted to convince you; you shook her off stubbornly, insisting that you were fine.

"what if the others get hurt? i have to help them or at least warn them!" your resolve was firm and unwavering that even utahime couldn't convince you otherwise. slipping out of her grasp, you sprinted towards the source of the cursed energy. from far away you could already see the damage that the curse had caused. multiple buildings were torn apart, trees dislodged and- were those branches rapidly growing out of the ground? you watched in horror as the branches whipped around, following running figures on the rooftop of one of the buildings. upping your speed, you jumped towards the group to aid them. as you neared them, you could make out inumaki, noritoshi, and megumi fighting against the curse, maki trailing close behind. 

they barely stood a chance against the curse, every hit that they dealt, the curse would come out unscathed. "what's the deal with that curse?" you asked, panting as you joined them, coming to a halt behind inumaki. megumi was yelling something but you couldn't hear him as noritoshi turned to you and shoved you out of the way.

"y/n, what are you doing here?" 

"helping you guys? what the fuck does it look like?" you yelled back exasperated. why was he mad at you in such a situation? they needed any helping hand they could get to defeat the curse. while you weren't useful in fights, you could at least provide continuous healing. noritoshi didn't have any time to reply as the curse lashed out again, dodging it by jumping to the side. you stayed close to inumaki, swiftly healing him when he collapsed from the rebound of his cursed speech. you clenched your jaw, not wanting the others to see that you were slowly running out of energy and strength. next thing you know, a body was hurled through the air, landing near you with a thud. your heart filled with dread when your eyes fell onto the figure, recognizing noritoshi.

"y/n, heal them as best as you can and get out of here! take them to the teachers!" maki yelled out and this time you obeyed, too panicked about noritoshi's state. you were thankful that inumaki had enough energy to run after you'd healed him - hauling noritoshi's tall frame around was already difficult enough but even more so when you were exhausted. as you neared the gates, utahime was already running towards you with a concerned look on her face. you were glad that she was nearby, it meant that gojo and the other teachers were close and could defend you.

"what happened?" utahime worried but you couldn't reply. falling to your knees, you gently laid noritoshi on the ground. the injuries looked bad, there was blood everywhere. you had to stop the wound on his head from bleeding but your trembling hands were preventing you from doing so.

"i- i don't know, i just- i think the curse hit him and now he's unconscious and he's losing so much blood and-"

utahime pinched you firmly, snapping you out of your panic. she was already holding a cloth to noritoshi's temple to stop the bleeding. patting your hand, she told you in a gentle voice: "heal him if you still have enough strength but don't overexert yourself. ieiri will be here soon." 

nodding frantically, you placed your trembling hands on his abdomen and let your cursed energy flow. the strength was slowly leaving your body but you had to save him. you had to make sure he was okay, he couldn't die, not like this. regret was bubbling up inside you; what if this was the last time you would ever get to see him?just as you felt his energy responding to yours and saw his hand moving slightly, you couldn't hold yourself upright anymore. the last thing you saw was utahime reaching out to catch you as you collapsed.

you woke up with a startle, gasping for air as you sat up abruptly. sunlight was flooding the room and it felt uncomfortably hot on your skin. you pushed the blanket back but stopped halfway in your movement. your entire body hurt, muscles burning and screaming for more rest. and yet you couldn’t stay still as you remembered the previous events. how long were you out for? was everyone okay? gritting your teeth, you slowly moved out of the room. again, you were faced with the endless maze that was the tokyo tech buildings and stopped in your tracks, not sure which direction to go. you let out a sigh of relief when you spotted yuji in the distance, waving at him to get his attention.

“y/n!” yuji ran towards you, frantically gesturing towards your room. “you’re supposed to be resting! what are you doing here?”

“is everyone okay?” you croaked, now realizing how dry your throat was.

“yeah, ieiri did a good job of healing everyone! some of us are still resting though and so should you.”

“no, i… is noritoshi okay?”

“noritoshi? oh, you mean the guy with the long hair?” yuji nodded, curiously eyeing you as your shoulders dropped, the stress rolling of them. “yeah, he’s still recovering though. ieiri said that his injuries were probably the worst so he’s not allowed to leave the bed.”

“can you take me to him?” you asked with a small voice, doing your best to muster up a puppy face. yuji sighed, scratching his head sheepishly. you could see the conflict in his eyes, that he was thinking about rejecting your request. in the end, he shook his head in defeat and motioned for you to follow him. a small grin found its way onto your lips - yuji was just too nice, he couldn’t say no when people ask him for favours. the walk to noritoshi’s room was silent, neither of you knowing what to say. you knew it was selfish of you not to ask him about his wellbeing more or visit the others but you just had to see for yourself that noritoshi was okay. yuji stopped in front of a door, pointing at it.

“this is his room. he might be sleeping though… my room is down the hall so if you need me to accompany you back to your room, just call me.”

you thanked him quietly and watched as he retreated. taking a deep breath, you knocked at the door and waited for a reply. a few moments passed before noritoshi’s voice rang out, giving you the okay to enter. gingerly, you opened the door and entered the room. noritoshi was sitting on his bed, reading a book as if nothing had happened. you looked at him bewildered. he didn’t look like his injuries fazed him at all. despite the bandages around his head and arms, he remained calm as if nothing hurt. 

“noritoshi,” you breathed out, taking a seat on the chair near the bed. he didn’t spare you a look, keeping his eyes on the book. “i uhm. i’m glad you’re okay! when i saw you in that state, i was so so scared that i could lose you… i did my best to heal you, i know i didn’t do much but-”

“i didn’t need your help,” noritoshi snapped at you, placing the book on his lap. “i would’ve been fine without it.”

you were stunned. why was he so agitated? after you initial shock, you huffed in frustration. “what the hell, you could’ve died! i was trying so hard to keep you alive and you react like this? i know you don’t like me but even this is a low blow for you!”

“it wouldn’t have been a problem if you hadn’t inserted yourself into everything! you’re not helping anyone, just dragging us down; everything could’ve gone well if it wasn’t for you standing in the way,” noritoshi countered as frustrated, this time actually looking at you. you stared back at him in disbelief. you saved his life and he had the nerve to shot you down like this.

“does it really hurt your ego to admit that i was actually helpful? we were friends at some point so why do you insist on being such a dick? and here i was, finally thinking that we were getting somewhere- for fuck’s sake, we kissed and-”

“leave.”

you stopped rambling. the tired tone in his voice, the deadpan look on his face; he was serious. you couldn’t believe him. tears welled up in your eyes as you leaped from the chair and hastily exited the room, slamming the door in anger. 

you never wanted to see him again.

p.s: yes nobara gave you a wrong sketch of the buildings what about it hehe

taglist: @milkteeboba​

[naralanis]

little bumps in the road (pt. 18)

Previously, on LBitR...

When Lena wakes up, this time, it’s to a scenario completely different from anything she might have expected.

For starters, she’s in handcuffs. That becomes quite apparent when she reaches over to touch the sore spot at her temple; or rather, when she tries. Her hand stops with the distinctive metallic rattle she’s unfortunately familiar with barely inches into the movement—even the one now kitted out with a much bulkier cast. She’s essentially chained to a hospital bed—not the cell she was in before, it looks alike—if the familiar, faint humming and beeping of monitors is any indication.

The other thing she absolutely was not expecting was to be face-to-face with one visibly furious Alex Danvers barely seconds after her eyes readjust to the harsh lights above her.

Lena tries to speak, but her throat is excruciatingly dry, and that makes the words sting like needles when she tries to push them out. She manages a pitiful little groan before the sensation alone sends her into a miserably painful coughing fit.

There’s no sympathy in Alex’s eyes, none whatsoever as she begrudgingly hands Lena a little paper cup full of ice-chips.

“Thought you could take the easy way out, Luthor? There are easier ways than stabbing yourself in the head. Just saying.”

Lena crunches the ice with her teeth, sucking the water as it melts away greedily and gratefully. She ignores the comment and the angry tone for the time being—who knows when she’ll have an opportunity to speak with Alex.

“Alex,” she coughs, throat still hoarse.

“It’s Director Danvers to you, Ms. Luthor,” the redhead says coldly. Lena has to control the impulse to roll her eyes—Lex obviously messed with Alex’s head, too, and thus Lena has a rather limited window to try and tip the scales here. She tries to sit up, shuffling awkwardly upwards as much as the handcuffs would allow.

“I wouldn’t get too comfortable,” Alex quips cruelly, looking at a clipboard with feigned disinterest. “As soon as you’re discharged, you will be transferred to a DEO holding facility. I assure you, a little bleeding won’t get you out of our custody so easily.”

“I didn’t stab my own head,” Lena drawls hoarsely. “I was trying to take out an implant.”

“The tracking chip your brother put in, I know. How do you think he found you?”

Lena takes the opportunity to roll her eyes then, since Alex seems to focused on whatever is on that stupid clipboard. “Alex,” she tries again. “You have to, you have to get in touch with Kara—she’ll be trying to call you, you can’t let her come—”

“Kara is dead, Lena!” the Director hisses, and Lena’s heart shatters at the anguish in her eyes, at the sorrow so visible and raw it tells Lena Alex believes that wholeheartedly.

“Alex,” she chokes out, eyes stinging with tears at the mere thought of Alex not remembering how she had pulled her sister back from the brink of death, not knowing that Kara is alive and (relatively) well, that she’s probably flying to National City to her actual death as they speak.

Thinking that Lena had murdered her sister in cold blood and then tried to run.

Fuck you, Lex.

“Alex, listen to me,” Lena tries through clenched teeth. “Kara—”

“—is dead, Lena! You killed her—I arrested you myself! We have evidence, Lena, and I am going to make sure you rot in a cell for the rest of your pathetic life for it, you piece of sh—”

“Alex! She’s alive! Kara’s alive, I swear!”

Alex’s fists clench at her sides; her whole body goes rigid with fury and grief. “Stop it, Lena, stop this right now,” she says under her breath, her cold tone as much of a warning as her posture.

Lena ignores it all, stares directly into Alex’s flinty gaze. “No,” she grits out. Her head throbs, and so does her broken hand, and her throat still hurts, but Lena pushes through. “You saved her, Alex—we have been on the run together ever since—”

“Lena, shut up, shut up right n—”

“She dug a briefcase full of money in Texas!” Lena shouts. “From you! You have a series of caches through the country, plans in place for both of you if you’re ever in trouble! She called you from different pay-phones in every state—she tried to reach you every single day, and—”

“Lena!”

“Two rings! ‘Hello, yes,’ means ‘go ahead,’ ‘yes, hello’, means you can’t talk! Anything else, it’s not you on the phone!”

“Stop!”

It’s a deafening, agonizing yelp, and it comes with a clipboard thrown clear across the room and a flinch Lena can’t quite contain in time. Alex is shaking with sheer fury and grief; her eyes, engulfed by dark circles, are glittering with tears, and her lower lip trembles as she tries to speak again.

“Please, stop,” she murmurs weakly, sounding utterly broken. “Stop. How do you—” she has to stop to try and stifle a sob, and is not successful in the slightest. “How do you know those things?”

Lena swallows, having shouted herself hoarse. “Kara told me. Or rather, she showed me. You told me about the code yourself.”

“I-I never—she’d, she’d ne—no, I wouldn’t—” Alex stammers, her face flitting through a multitude of expressions that bleed into one another, before settling into clear and intense confusion.

Lena tries to touch her temple again, momentarily forgetting she’s in handcuffs. She groans once her movement is stopped short, and points to where she feels a rather thick bandage on the side of her head. “I didn’t ‘stab my head’ for no reason,” she tries to explain as calmly as she can. “I was trying to remove a mind-control device my brother dearest implanted. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had one too.”

She can tell that she’s losing Alex by the second—the agent looks increasingly confounded. But something that Lena has said might just have jostled a memory or two in her brain—Lena can practically hear the gears turning as Alex tentatively reaches for her own temple.

“It’s how Lex tracked us,” Lena continues, noting how Alex’s eyes seemed to widen by a fraction. “I couldn’t let him find Kara, too, so I sent her away.”

Alex changes her movement, makes it look like she was merely running her fingers through the hair cropped short at her temples. But Lena can tell—even if she isn’t thoroughly convinced, she is rattled, and at this point Lena will take any victory she can.

Alex straightens her shoulders, looks Lena down with an anger that, at least, isn’t as intense as it was mere minutes ago. “You’re lying,” she declares emphatically, despite the doubt in her eyes. “I don’t know how, but you’re—you’re lying. A mind-control implant is just too damn convenient, Lena.”

“I’m not lying,” Lena whispers, suppressing a sigh of frustration. “She’s alive, and she’ll fly right into a trap if you don’t stop her.”

Alex stops trying to hold her composure; Lena’s words are affecting her, and Lena feels terrible. “Enlighten me,” Alex murmurs, low and dangerous. “What would that trap entail, exactly?”

The sigh Lena releases this time is pure defeat. “Me. Unleashing Kryptonite hell.”

Alex smirks, looking at once defeated and confused. “Ahh, but see, you’ve already done that, Lena. You’ve already killed her,” she says through tears.

“I didn’t!” Lena hisses. “Alex, I did send Kryptonite rockets at her, but she’s alive and coming here to die all over again and you have to help me stop it! I know there’s part of you that believes me, Alex—just feel the goddamned implant at your own temple!”

“I don’t believe sh—”

“Where is her body!?” Lena yells, and then, she can see the puzzle pieces starting to click together in Alex’s head. She wonders if it’ll be as painful as it was for her, or if Lex is just especially sadistic to her because Lena is his sister. “Where is she buried, Alex?”

Alex scoffs, but her eyes dart around the room like she’d find the answers anywhere but her own mind. “She’s… she’s buried at… Midva—no, at…” she stutters, hands clenching and unclenching at her sides.

“You can’t remember, Alex, because that memory doesn’t exist.”

“Of course I can, just—just give me a second, just…”

Alex continues moving her mouth, but words come out in unintelligible whispers, and she begins to pace the room like a caged animal, muttering to herself and shaking her head like a lunatic.

Lena can relate.

“Alex, listen to me,” she tries once more, and her heart sinks at the mixture of grief and confusion she sees in the agent’s eyes. “I know you don’t believe me, but you need…”

Lena sighs, closes her eyes. This is it; the only chance they have. “You need to get Nia.”

 << Previous || Next >>

[animeyanderelover]

Can you write promp 15 to Shuu tsukiyama :) Thank you I love your writings.

I love my writing as well😉. No, but seriously guys. If it wouldn't be for my passion to write, I would have gone on a hiatus the moment I found out that I was being shadowbanned.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess, manipulation, paranoia, mentioning of kidnapping, catcalling, sexual harassment, blood, killing, Shuu being a sadist to the victim, eccentricity (?)

Prompt 15: “Shh princess… don’t cry over this scum, he doesn’t deserve your tears.”

"Kanae!! What happened to her?!?! Why is she crying?!?!"

You hadn't wanted to burst out in tears like this, but replaying the scene in your head over and over again like a movie had caused you unimaginable frustration and embarrassment. Now you remembered why you hated people so much, they were all just greedy and disgusting jerks. Calling you such nasty names in public and daring to go as far as following you. If Kanae wouldn't have been there with you, you didn't even want to imagine what might have happened to you.

"My poor princess! What happened?! Tell me!"

Furious tears were falling down your face, even though you had wiped them away already countless times before. You were not in a very good mood at the moment, you felt quite etchy at the moment. And that was what caused annoyance washing over you when you heard Shuu's cooing words, taking quick steps towards you to comfort you somehow. You knew what would come now. Another smothering session of his. Something you didn't need in the least bit right now. What you needed was time. Alone.

You still tried to stay as calm as possible, not wanting to make a huge scene that would only gain you more annoying attention. All the servants were honestly so much like their master, they all appeared to be overly dramatic when it came to you, the only real exception was Mirumo.

So when you suddenly stepped back from Shuu, lips pressed together and a mixed look out of sadness and anger on your face, you knew that you had hurt him. It was all too obvious judging from his wide eyes, confusion and pain already reflecting in them, and the way he had frozen when you had suddenly put a distance between you two. The hand, which he had extended, was staying in the air, shaking slightly. As always, he was overreacting.

“(y/-y/n)…What did I-“

“You did nothing Shuu. You didn’t do anything. I just wish to be alone right now. So I ask you to do me the favor and leave me alone for once. If you don’t, I might say things to you that will hurt you and which I don’t mean. Don’t test my patience for now.”

You were surprised by your own tone of voice, you sounded extremely rude, annoyance dripping from your voice like venom. It was hard to keep a calm and collected voice under such conditions. But for the reason of you having been well raised and well treated by the people in this place, you wanted to return the favor by doing the same.

You just stormed past both, Kanae and Shuu, without saying a single word, chewing furiously on your lips whilst the voice of the man kept ringing in your head. You felt like you wanted to smash something to relieve yourself of the ocean of emotions inside of you. Today had been the wrong day to convince Shuu with the help of his father to let you out without him.

“Master (y/n)!”, you heard Kanae yelling after you, followed by a thud sound that caused you to turn around shortly, feeling slightly startled by the sudden noise. But you were left feeling a bit surprised when seeing that your company for the last few hours had gone done to her knees, forehead pressed against the floor of the mansion and bowing deeply down in front of you.

“I can never forgive myself for not being able to help you. I failed you! I’m so sorry! It’s all because of my own foolishness and incompetence that you had to go through all of this!”

Her voice was shaking and you guessed that she would break out in tears at any moment, she was just as theatrical as your partner was.

“Kanae, it’s not your fault. We were under too many people, you couldn’t have done more than you did already. And that was already a big help. Also, please don’t refer to me as your master, I don’t like it when I’m being called this way. I see you as a friend, so that makes things always a bit awkward when you call me your master.”

Only the fading and fast footsteps of yours were heard in the silence which followed afterwards, leaving two people left dwelling on what had just happened. Shuu, who was staring with still shocked eyes at the stairs where you had just walked up, and Kanae, who was still remaining in her humble position. Somewhere upstairs the rather loud slam of a door was heard, indicating that you had just entered your room.

“Kanae…What…happened?”

Even her master seemed to be left flabbergasted by this sudden change of events, although tears were already starting to fill his eyes. It was not as much because of your rejecting behavior towards him, although that had hurt as well. No, it was because someone had upset his little dove so that she had cried and he hadn’t been there to protect her.

“So eine Scheiße!”, the girl suddenly shouted furiously and frustrated, slamming her head against the floor harshly as if wanting to punish herself.

By now she had bursted out in tears, drops splashing to the ground. “What am I good for when I couldn’t even keep her safe and this-this disgrace away from her?! Now she is angry! Please forgive me Master Shuu. You chose me because you trusted me to protect her, but I was the wrong person to choose.”

The last few sentences of her were told much more softer than the previous ones, only proving to Shuu that Kanae felt beyond miserable for what had happened. But it didn’t answe his question! It only made him more anxious.

What had happened whilst he hadn’t been there?! Who the duck dared to make his lovely darling cry?! Who?!

“Would you just please tell me what happened?!”, he yelled at the servant, his string of patience snapping right then and there and leading him into raising his voice.

Kanae flinched when hearing him shouting at her, the panic in his voice overwhelming her even more. It was all because of her that her master would have to go through the same pain as you as well. How should she even start explaining what had happened without him losing it right away?

“Mast-I mean (y/n)…She has been catcalled! And I was unable to take proper care of this threat! Watching this bastard…It was disgusting! Enraging! This rotten mouth of his…The things he called after her, I wish I could have gouged his tongue out! And he even had the audacity to follow her through the city, using every opportunity he had to spit more gross words out! And (y/n) had to endure all of this without losing her self-restraint. She even had to stop me. She stood her ground without breaking down in front of him. She was so admirable. I should have taken an example on her.”

The confession of the truth hurt, having to go through it all again hurt. Her master’s darling had been so brave, so perfectly in control of her emotions, so empathetic to rather let herself get humiliated instead of risking to let Kanae get triggered and reveal that she was a ghoul in the center of the city. And (y/n) still saw her as a friend! She was so kind. No wonder Master Shuu was so madly in love with her.

After that the ghoul waited for some reaction from him, shouting, yelling, crying, lashing out on her, anything. But nothing came. Instead another silence befell both of them, coming with a creepy feeling. An almost paralyzing feeling that made the violet-haired girl stay on the ground. The air felt like it was weighting her down. She knew this feeling.

Fear.

"So you're telling me that ma chérie is crying because some walking useless trash thought that he could use her and play her for his own entertainment?"

His voice was beyond spine-chilling, spoken like a true lunatic. His voice sounded for the most part quieter than expected, though it was trembling slightly. But what made her body nearly forget to function out of terror was the icy blood lust in it, like he was on the brink of insanity.

Barely, only barely did Kanae manage to lift her head, enough to catch a glimpse of his face. It only made her break out in cold sweat more. She thanked the heaven that he wasn't looking at her right now, instead staring in the empty space, a murderous grin on his face. His eyes were wide, reflecting the craziness inside of him perfectly. Just by looking at him was enough for Kanae to know that he was tearing the culprit in his mind currently to a bloody and deforedly mess. Her master was thinking like her, she had planned on doing the same. But she hadn't looked that unnerving.

"As much as I would love to torture and rip this waste of oxygen right now, this will have to wait. My princess needs me right now."

The sudden change in his whole personality was delightening yet also the slightest bit stunning for Kanae to witness, how he went from psychopathic sadist to his normal dramatic and lovesick self.

"W-wait! C-can I do something, anything to make somehow up for my failure?", Kanae stuttered out, stopping Shuu from crossing the stairs with huge steps. She had to do something, she felt truly feeble.

Shuu noticed her still majorly guilty expression, giving her a small sympathetic smile. "Don't work yourself up to hard over it now. (y/n) was only right. You would have only done much worse if you would have let lost control then and there. You already did a better job than I did in keeping composure. For now just tell the others to prepare dinner, (y/n)'s favorite. And also..."

The sudden drop in Shuu's voice and his face was a dead giveaway what he wanted to say next. "Let's meet later outside when my darling is sleeping. I believe we have something to take care of, don't we?"

That alone was enough to make Kanae stand up, the anger and feeling of helplessness scratching her feeling of self-esteem. Her master knew that she had a score to settle as well after having only been able to watch. She felt grateful that he took that into reconsideration even though she had let this happen in the first place.

"It would be my pleasure to be from any help. I feel honored that you still chose me."

"Why are you here? I think I told you I want to be alone.", you shot out after Shuu had simply knocked and entered your room without permission, giving you nearly no time to wipe away all the tears on your cheeks. You hated crying in front of people, you hated looking weak and vulnerable and being it as well. That's why you always wanted to be alone when you felt like crying.

"You expect me to just stand away when my dove clearly needs someone right now?! You were just sexually harassed and want me to leave you alone?! Forget it!"

His reaction was what you had seen coming, the paranoia coloring his face being all too obvious and he looked distressed as well. Shuu wasn't good in handling something like this at all, not when it had you being in any sort hurt involved.

"Go away. I look terrible right now.", you just said without replying to what he had just said, though this had been a rhetorical question. You didn't look very good right now, tears smearing all over your face, your eyes reddened and puffy and your nose running due to all the crying.

"That doesn't matter to me. For me you look beatiful no matter what, even if you cry."

Despite feeling upset, you managed to let a chuckling scoff out when you heard the man saying this, still not being completely used to his more cheesy lines. But right now he probablly had the intention to cheer you up.

"Good grief, you're really too much. Let go of me.", you replied slightly ironically in between your sobs when he suddenly just clinged to you, wrapping you up in his arms. It wasn’t uncomfortable though, his hug was warm and managed to soothe you a bit.

You actually shouldn’t feel this way, not in the arms of the man who used to torment and hurt you out of pure and utter sadistic fun. Back then it had just been horror for you. And only thanks to his well-mannered father things had changed for you, only then. You owed Mirumo for that more than you could effort, but his only request had been staying, knowing the attachment his son had for you would never perish. But at the same time you had the feeling his father had helped his son as well, causing you to get along with him better and better until you had started to forget where acting stopped and where real feelings were showing.

“Shh princess…don’t cry over this scum, he doesn’t deserve your tears.”

He had a point. That asshole had wanted to get under your skin which was the second reason you had stayed strong in front of him. But you were human as well, you had feelings which could be hurt. You were currently hurt which was why you needed some sort of comfort right now and Shuu provided it. Maybe a bit too much.

You estimated that you needed about five minutes until you had calmed somewhat down, though the after effects from your crying session still shook your body every once in a while. But you felt the tiniest bit less shitty.

“I think I’m feeling better now. Thank you…Shuu.”, you told him softly, feeling your cheeks warming up the tiniest bit.

He just let out a content ‘hmm’, his chin resting on your shoulder and his one hand playing with your hair a bit. He didn’t look like he had any intentions to move despite you giving him the look. You had a rather silly bad feeling.

“Do you want to let me go?”

“Never. At least not until the dinner is prepared.”

“Shuu.”, you protested slightly, pushing him a bit against the chest which turned out to be good for nothing. He didn’t budge. Instead you could almost see with your inner two eyes on the back of your head that he was grinning upon your attempt to remove him.

“Oh well. I’ll let him have it his way. He deserves it.”

Kanae was walking, as quietly as possible, nervously back and forth. She would never blame her master for anything at all, but maybe she just felt extremely uneasy right now that she wanted to leave desperately. Tokyo was huge and finding one single man would be hard, though she remembered the few broken pieces of informations she had heard when the man had been taken away from some other people who seemed to know him.

“I have to avenge (y/n) or else I’ll never be able to feel like I deserve this happiness.”, the girl thought bitterly, intending to bring suffering over this piece of garbage.

“You seem rather impatient. Believe me, I am just as eager as you are, though we shouldn’t waste too much time with this sad excuse of a man.”

Kanae quickly turned around, anticipation shining from her eyes when she saw Shuu appearing from the shadows, already having put on fitting clothes and holding his mask in his hand.

“I apologize, I simply couldn’t bring myself to leaving my princess alone. She looked too gorgeous to not marvel over. That’s why I want to speed this all up, I want to return to her as fast as possible. It of course doesn’t mean I intend to let this person easily of the hook.”

He chuckled a bit, for a few moments softness dominating his face when recalling the sweet memories of his darling sleeping peacefully. But in the blink of an eye he changed, the lust to kill someone taking over him and twisting his face into something entirely else.

“Kanae, do you know where we should start?”

His voice was terrifying, his feelings and intentions dripping freely from it and a malicious glint shining in his eyes. Not like Kanae minded, her own face being overshadowed by her negative feelings.

“Yes, I do have an idea.”

[writer-k-pop]

Your Sister’s Keeper

여기 있고 어딘가에서 길을 잃지 않는 것이 좋다. It’s better that she’s here and not lost somewhere.

Description: Over the duration of your relationship with Vernon, his sister, Sofia, and you have become quite close. Close enough that in a time of need, she calls for you, not Vernon. Warnings: Mentions of cheating and swearing Genre: Angst? BF!Vernon x Fem!Reader Word Count: 2.9k

Seventeen Masterlist | Masterlists

"Yes, mom," I roll my eyes, still facing the wall. "I will. I'll call Grandma later."  I glance back at Vernon who is patiently waiting just a few feet away at the entrance of the company party. Other guests keep entering the venue, their suits tailored to perfection and their dresses emphasizing all the right parts. I catch his gaze and I throw an apologetic look to him.

"Mom, mom." I say to her to get her attention so she stops talking, "I have to go. I will call you and Grandma later."

"Alright. Have fun with Vernon." My mom says goodbye and then hangs up.

I end the call and turn towards Vernon as I put my phone back in my purse. Just as the phone is fully inside, it vibrates with another incoming call. Without looking at the caller ID, I answer.

"Mom, I told you-"

"(y/n)?" Sofia's voice stops me in my tracks, "Don't say my name. I know you're with my brother and he can't know." Then she sniffles.

I turn away from Vernon's line of sight, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She sniffles again and I can tell she's trying hard not to completely lose it. "Uhm, not really. Can-Can I come over?"

I glance up towards the ceiling, "I mean, I'm not home right now but I can be in like 10 minutes." I offer, internally regretting the lie I'm going to have to tell Vernon.

"I'm already here, can I just go inside?" She sniffles some more.

I find myself nodding though she can't see me, "Yeah, yeah, of course. The passcode is the same and there's some leftovers in the fridge if you need them."

"Th-thank you." She stutters and I hear the elevator ding in the background.

"I'll be there soon. Just hold on." I tell her, refraining from using her name, then we hang up. As I turn back towards Vernon, he walks towards me with a look of concern etched into his face.

"What's wrong?" He asks, reaching me.

I take a deep breath and spit out a lie, "I have to go, Vernon. My friend is having a really bad time and she's already at my apartment."

Vernon's face slowly switches to concern about my "friend."

"Yeah, yeah, go. If they need you go. I can go alone, it's fine." Vernon states and squeezes my shoulder. "Just let me know when you get home and update me."

I give him a small smile and nod, "I will. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just go." He smiles warmly and gently pushes me towards the exits.

Feeling terrible for lying but knowing his sister is on the brink of a break down at my apartment, I pick up the skirt of my dress and walk outside. Once I flag down a taxi and hop in the backseat, I tell the driver my address and send Sofia an "on my way" text.

Watching the streetlights pass, I fiddle with the sleeves of my dress as I wonder what is happening with Sofia. As the taxi slows outside my building, I pay him and quickly shuffle out of the car and up to my apartment. I have to stop a few times to collect parts of my dress that decide not to stay in my hands.

I punch in my passcode at the speed of lightening and throw the door open.

"Sofia?" I call out into my still dark apartment.

"Here." Her meek voice whispers from my bedroom.

When I walk in, Sofia's sat against my headboard with my extra fuzzy blanket wrapped tightly around her. I quickly walk over to her and envelope her in a hug. She leans into my chest and I feel her shoulders sink.

"It's okay, I'm here now." I reassure her, "Let me get out of this dress and then we can talk." She silently nods and straightens up allowing me to head to my closet.

"Where were you?" Sofia quietly asks, glancing at my dress.

"I was accompanying your brother for some company end of year party." I inform her, slipping the dress off my body.

"What did you tell him?" She questions me, worriedly.

I shake my head, "I didn't tell him anything. I only said that one of my friends was having a really bad day and needed me immediately. Which wasn't exactly a lie."

"He would believe something like that." Sofia jokes lightly.

"Gives us the advantage." I reply, leaving the dress on the floor and changing into sweats and a sweatshirt.

Climbing back into bed, I take her back in my arms and sigh into her hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask after a few seconds of silence.

She shakes her, "Not yet."

I nod and continue to hold her while she begins to let her tears out. We sit in silence as she cries and I do my best to nonverbally tell her that I'm here and that everything will be okay. My heart breaks with every labored breath she takes in. I begin to wonder what has made her this upset and slowly the anger also rises. How could anyone do something so horrible to such a lovely girl?

"C-can I have some water?" Sofia hiccups.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be right back." I tell her and scoot off the bed. After filling a glass, I head back to the bed and guide the glass into her hands.

"Thanks." She says after gulping down some.

"So, tell me what's goin' on." I sit in front of her.

She glances down, "I, I saw Ryan kissing another girl."

I suck in a breath and my eyes widen in shock.  "Wha- what happened?" I feel the shock punch me in the gut.

"I, I was going to pick him up from his work and surprise him but," Sofia takes in a deep breath, "I got across the street and he walks out with some girl and then kisses her. Right out in the open." Fresh tears make their way down her cheeks and I do my best to wipe them away but they keep falling. "And I couldn't even move. I didn't even know my feet were moving until I was at your building door. And, and, (y/n) it feels like my heart is being crushed by a million bricks and-"

I wrap her up tighter and rub her arm, "It'll be okay. Just keep breathing with me, yeah?"

"He just, right out in the open. For anyone to see." She sputters out, "Like he didn't care if one of my friends saw. Like he,  ugh what a, what a piece of trash."

"He doesn't know you know?" I wonder, staring at my blank wall.

Sofia shakes her head, "I was too shocked to do anything but walk away." She grabs the hem of my shirt in her fist, "I can't believe I actually fell for him. Why didn't I see it before? He's sleazy and awful and what kind of man cheats?"

"He's not a man." I answer her, "A real man doesn't cheat. A real man is loyal and responsible."

"He's not a real man." Sofia mumbles, her tears quietly ever so slightly but not stopping.

We sit together on my bed long enough for the moon to travel quite a distance in the sky. During that time, I run through all the possible things I would do the boy who hurt Sofia while her cries quiet down.

"I'm kind of hungry." She sniffles, readjusting to sit up.

"Did you not eat dinner?" I look at her and she simply shakes her head. Simultaneously I'm reminded that I also haven't eaten.

"I planned on getting dinner with h-him but well... that didn't happen." She explains and I quickly jump off the bed.

"What do you want?" I ask her.

"Something warm." She replies with a small smile that must've taken her a lot of strength.

I nod, "I'll heat up some left over warm chicken soup. And then we can watch movies until either the suns comes up or our eyes droop all on their own."

I make my way to the kitchen and pull out the containers from the fridge. As I pour the soup into a pot, my bedroom door creaks open. I look up to see Sofia peeking out with the blanket resting on her head.

"The room got lonely." She explains. I smile softly and motion for her to sit.

"You are always welcome to join me wherever I am." I reassure her.

Sofia hiccups.

"Do you want a change of clothes?" I question, turning to turn on the heat underneath the pot, "You're probably going to stay the night anyway."

She nods, "That'd probably be more comfy."

I point to my door, "Extra pajamas should be in the middle drawer of the dresser closest to the bedroom doo-"

The doorbell cuts me off. Confused, I walk over to the little screen that shows me who's ringing my door bell. Vernon stands in front of my door, his hands stuffed into his pockets and lips pursed, patiently and anxiously waiting for me to answer.

"Sofia, go into my room and get changed. I'll try to get him to leave." I look to her and she immediately runs into my bedroom, closing the door securely behind her.

Once I hear the definite click, I walk over and open the door halfway.

"Hey." I smile, sticking my head into the space.

"Hey." Vernon smiles, "Everything okay? How's your friend?" He asks.

He's still in his attire for the company party but he's undone his tie and a few buttons of his shirt.

I nod, "She's in pretty bad shape now but she'll be okay."

"I just wanted to check on you cause you never texted me." Vernon explains his visit and I mentally facepalm myself.

"Sorry about that. I mean I got home and well, yeah. It's been a little crazy. Sorry." I apologize again.

Vernon shakes his head, "Don't be. You've been helping a friend and that's admira..ble..." He trails off as his gaze moves past me. "Are those Sofia's shoes?" He points towards the ground.

I turn my head and spot her favorite pair of tennis shoes. They're her favorite because Vernon custom made them for her birthday last year. She wears them everywhere.

"Is Sofia here?" Vernon's tone suddenly turns concerned. "Is she the pers- Sofia!" He pushes the door open and rams past me. "Sofia!"

"Vernon." I rest a hand on his shoulder. "Stop."

"My sister called you and you lied to me about it?" He turns towards me in bewilderment.

"Vernon." I repeat his name but he doesn't let me talk further.

"Why would you lie to me about it?" He questions, "It's my sister. My baby sister." His voice begins to rise in volume, "Why you and why not call me?"

I grab both of his shoulders tightly, "Because some subjects are best left to discuss between girls and not her older brother. At least not right away." He rests his hand over one of mine and sighs. "Just trust me when I say that she's here and she'll be okay."

"What happened?" Vernon asks, his eyes pleading with me.

"I can't tell you. It's not my place to tell." I shake my head in small motions. "When she's ready, she'll tell you but right now, this was the only place she could think of to come. And I don't know about you, Vern, but I'm glad she chose here over anywhere else."

Vernon nods in agreement and takes a deep breath to calm himself, "You're right. It's better that she's here and not lost somewhere."

"She's safe here. I'll make sure of it. But for now, it's probably not the best for you to be here." I hate that I have to say it but it's not entirely false. "Just make sure you're not too far away. She's going to need her big brother sooner rather than later."

He gives my hand a squeeze and presses a kiss to my forehead. "You'll call me with updates?"

I nod, "I promise. You'll know when I know."

"Just," Vernon looks around at the ground unsure of how exactly to put it, "Just remind her that I'm here if she needs me."

"I do." Sofia chokes back a sob and in an instant Vernon has her wrapped in his arms. A new wave of tears wets his shirt as her grip on him tightens. "What am I going to do?" She cries into his chest. I can see Vernon's heart break with every word and I can feel mine break just the same.

"What's going on? Can you tell me that?" He pulls back slightly to look at her pained face but quickly wraps her up again. Pulling her towards the couch, he tries to get the story out of her while also comforting him. I, on the other hand, continue to stir the pot of chicken soup in the kitchen.

I listen to her choke out the story again and I constantly switch from stirring to watching Vernon's face for any movement.

Once Sofia is done reciting, Vernon runs a hand over his face and lets out a frustrated sigh. "Asshole." He mutters. "And he doesn't know that you know?" He questions to which Sofia shakes her head. "I should go murder him. He's an awful human being who- ugh, just wait until I get my hands on him." He angrily rants leaving me in a bit of a shock because I haven't ever seen him this riled up. Though it makes sense. It is his little sister after all.

"What am I going to do, Vernon?" Sofia asks looking up at him.

Vernon takes a breath to collect himself before answering. "Well, first of all, you are going to break it off with him. You don't need a lying and cheating boy. You deserve a much better person, a real man."

"What comes after that?" Sofia questions.

"After that..." Vernon pauses then looks to me for help finishing the plan.

"After that," I repeat and walk over to sit on the coffee table in front of Sofia, "You are going to heal and you are going to get better. You are going to live your life to the fullest and make him realize what a terrible mistake he made by cheating on you. Then even if he comes back asking for a second chance, you'll have the strength to simply smile at him and walk away."

Sofia sniffles and wipes her eyes. "I will?"

"You will." Vernon confirms.

"But I feel like shit." She pouts, fresh tears glistening in her eyes.

"Just for now." I quickly remind her, "That's normal. Completely and absolutely normal. But soon, you will start to feel better."

"And mom, dad, (y/n), your friends, and I will all be there every step of the way." Vernon continues and Sofia nods in understanding.

I pat her knee, "Let's get us some food. I'm sure that might help a little."

Vernon gave me a look of surprise, "You guys haven't eaten?"

I shrug, "Like I said, it got a little crazy when I got home. Do you want any?" I ask him as I walk towards the kitchen but he shakes his head.

"I'm still full from the party." He answers.

I pull out two bowls from the cabinet and fill them both with steaming soup. Picking up two spoons and the two bowls, I make my way back to the living room and set the bowls down on the coffee table.

Sitting on the floor, I begin eating, my eyes never straying from signs that Sofia might need something else. Vernon helps Sofia sip the soup and slowly she starts to eat with more energy.

"You don't have to help me." She mutters, finally taking the bowl from Vernon's hands.

Vernon shrugs, "I want to."

Once the soup is finished, Sofia's eyes refuse to stay open and Vernon carries her into my bed while I sort out the dishes. Just as I set the pot on the drying rack, Vernon walks back out, closing the bedroom door behind him.

"Alright, where does this prick of an ass live?" Vernon half-whispers, half-yells, his palms pressed into the countertop.

I dry my hands, "She needs you here. Not looking to beat up some boy who's not worth your time." I tell him.

"She'll be okay, right?" Vernon suddenly asks, his shoulders drooping deeply.

Throwing the towel somewhere near the sink, I walk behind him and hug his waist. "She will be. I don't know when but I know she will be."

Vernon turns around and clasps his hands behind my back, "Thank you." He kisses the top of my head.

I let out a tiny chuckle, "You don't have to thank me. If it were my sibling, you would've done the same."

"True, but still, thank you." He squeezes my body to emphasize his point.

"You're welcome." I turn my head and glance at the clock. "We should probably go to sleep too." I pull away and bring out one of the many extra blankets I have, "You take the bed with Sofia, I'll take the couch." [For those who think siblings sleeping in the same bed is weird: fight me.]

"Are you sure?" Vernon asks, worried that I won't sleep well.

"I'm sure. She needs you more than I do tonight." I reassure him.

He walks over, wraps me another tight hug, then presses a kiss to my lips which I reciprocate.

"Goodnight." He rests his forehead on mine for a second.

"Goodnight."

[lovely-ateez]

Silver Nights With You~

ꕥPosted: 12/18/20

ꕥGenre: College!au, Christmas Imagine, Fluff, Angst & Smut (You know it’s gonna end happy, I’m a sap)

ꕥPairing: FemReader! x Mingi

ꕥSummary: You get stuck in a cabin with Mingi and shit goes down( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ꕥWord Count: ~4.9k (Holy shit I’ve never written this much before I am so sorry)

ꕥWarnings: Angst, Thigh riding, Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it my dudes), Praise (m & f receiving),

ꕥA/N: This is the most angst I will ever write, I was genuinely on the brink of tears while writing this because I honestly can’t stand people being sad. Anyway this literally took me days to write and I really hope you all like it :)

ꕥTagging: @raysanshine​

“It’s fucking cold.” I took a sip of my hot cocoa, burying myself deeper in the mountain of blankets on my lap, glancing at the snow falling outside.

Wooyoung scoffed and spread his arms along the back of his couch, “It’s December, of course it’s gonna be cold.”

I turned back to him, “Okay, yeah, but I’m still gonna complain about it.”

“You complain about everything.”

“That is a gross over-exaggeration that portrays me in an unfair light and, frankly, you should be ashamed.”

My closest friend smiled, showing his slight dimples. His eyes drifted to my own, smile fading slightly. “What do I have to do for you to join us? Even for an hour or so?”

I sighed. Wooyoung had been bothering me about coming to our friend Yunho’s annual Christmas party for days now, but I simply wasn’t in the mood.

“I’d rather not go at all.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

A year ago at the same party, my boyfriend Mingi broke up with me. It wasn’t a bad breakup, but it still hurt. He was set to study abroad for the next year and it just made the most sense to him, he told me. So who was I to stand in the way of his dreams? We decided to cut contact shortly after, it being too painful for us to even have small talk. We hadn’t talked since.

I’d spent the following year in a limbo, trying my hardest to enjoy my newfound independence, but ultimately failing, my thoughts somehow finding their way back to Mingi. Everything reminded me of him.

Rainy days made me think of the way he loved to dance with me in the rain, spinning me and smiling wide, warm raindrops messing up our hair. Sunny days made me think of the times we’d both take off work to have picnics, making wishes on dandelions. Stormy days made me think of how we’d cuddle up to one another and watch a trash movie, making fun of the characters’ bad choices. He was a part of me. He always would be. I suppose two years of dating does that. I suppose they take a part of you with them, too.

I told myself I healed. I told myself I was over him. But deep, deep down I knew I wasn’t. Part of me never would be.

“He won’t be there this year, if that helps at all.”

I remained silent, refusing Wooyoung a response, looking down at the carpet.

“I get it. I know what you’re going through. It really wasn’t that long ago that Aisha broke up with me.”

My eyes darted up. Wooyoung hadn’t talked about their breakup with me yet. I refused to push him, knowing he was still in pain and that he’d tell me when he was ready.

“It was for the best but I can’t pretend like I’m gonna move on soon. We were dating for a year and a half for god’s sake.” He let out a bitter laugh and turned to me, “I know it’s tough, but would you do it for me? Please come.”

“Okay.”

-

The high shrill of a female voice rang out through my phone, leading me to pull the device away from my ear.

“I knew Wooyoung could get you to change your mind!”

“Arin I get that you’re excited, but I’m gonna go deaf if you keep yelling.”

“Ack I’m sorry! I’m just so excited to see you! It’s been, what? Five months since I saw you last?”

“Yeah something like that.”

“Well anyways, I know it’s probably tough for you but I really appreciate you going. I know everyone else will, too.”

I tried to push down the longing I felt for Mingi, remembering the previous year in far too much detail.

“Yeah it’ll be nice to see them.”

“Okay I hate to cut it short but my boss might actually fire me if he finds me on my phone again.”

“You’re literally dating him. There’s no way in hell he’d fire you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

“Shh not so loud!”

I rolled my eyes, knowing I was speaking no louder than usual.

“Alright. Take care then. I’ll see you at the party.”

“Yep! Love you, girly!”

“Love you, too. See ya.”

My phone beeped, signaling the end of the call.

I checked the calendar hanging on the wall of my bedroom. Three more days till the party and I was dreading it more and more.

A knock at the door startled me and I made my way over, opening the door to find Wooyoung standing before me with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“What are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t a guy just drop by to say hello to his best friend?”

“He can, but you only do when you’re up to something. What is it this time?”

“Nothing! Scout’s honor!” He lifted a hand to make the famous three-fingered salute. 

“You were never a boy scout, dumbass.”

Wooyoung brought a hand to his chest, mocking offense, “I’ll have you know that I simply brought flowers over as a thank you for agreeing to come with us.”

“Aww really? Do you wanna come in?”

“Yeah, really. But nah I can’t stay, I just wanted to drop them off.”

“You’re sweet.”

A cocky smile formed on his face, “I know.”

He passed the flowers over to me, giving me a hug and saying his goodbyes. I watched him walk to his car, a little skip in his step, wondering how anyone could let him go.

-

I grabbed my warmest jacket and walked out to my car. Today was the day I’d been dreading for weeks. Today was the day I’d have to put on a brave face and pretend I was alright. I mentally hyped myself up as I slid into the driver’s seat.

You’ll be okay. You’re strong. You can do this.

Snow was already starting to fall and I made a mental note to be careful. After all, Yunho’s cabin was roughly an hour away.

As I drove, the snow began to fall much faster, leaving me no choice but to feel concerned. My car didn’t have four-wheel-drive and what if my car got stuck? I was only fifteen minutes away but in snow like this with such a low temperature, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to walk the rest of the way.

The sun had already begun to set and seeing the road becoming much harder. Only four more minutes with the current speed I was going. I could make it.

Of course, the universe wasn’t having it and my car broke down almost immediately after I had the thought.

“Fuck.”

I panicked for a brief moment, trying to start up my car with no success.

Wait. My phone.

Grabbing my phone at rapid speed, I found it out of battery.

“I literally just charged it what the hell?”

I tried my best to cope with the fact that I had no choice but to walk the rest of the way. Taking a deep breath, I opened my car door and braced for the cold wind.

Trudging through the snow storm, I felt my ears and hands begin to hurt from the cold. I could barely see where I was going, having to rely on remembering where the cabin was based on the times I had been there prior.

Eventually I spotted a cabin in the distance and kept going, feeling myself lose heat with every step.

Finally, I climbed up the stairs and reached the main doorway.

I knocked loudly against the large wooden door, silently pleading for someone to answer. After waiting a few seconds with no response I tried to turn the door knob, grateful to find it unlocked. 

I pushed the door open and entered, quickly closing it behind me. Warm air rushed over me and I never felt so thankful for indoor heating. The inside looked the same as it always did; the main door lead to the living room which had the same snow globes above the fireplace as always, the same Christmas decorations scattered throughout, and the Christmas tree in the same corner as usual.

I shivered and moved to find a blanket when I saw a tall figure enter the living room. I looked up, feeling my heart drop. Standing before me was the one man that I didn’t want to be here.

Mingi’s eyes widened and mouth opened, looking at me with surprise. It seemed both of us were frozen, unable to do anything other than look at one another.

His rich chestnut hair was longer than when I saw him last, it was parted in the center, reaching his eyes. He was wearing a fitted green sweater that complimented his honey skin and tight ripped jeans. I refused to allow myself to acknowledge how attractive he truly looked. I refused to tell myself how much I missed him and how I wanted nothing more than to jump in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to say, hating how timid my voice sounded. It’s because of the cold, I thought.

He seemed to come out of his trance, “I could ask you the same.”

“I’m here for the Christmas party.”

Mingi gave me a confused look. “The party isn’t until the twenty third.”

Annoyed, I narrowed my eyes, “It is the twenty third.”

He raised a brow and took his phone from his pocket, turning it to me, ‘December 19th’ it read.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I huffed, moving to sit down on the couch while running my hands along my arms for some sort of warmth. Mingi noticed immediately and left the room only to bring back several thick blankets.

I removed my jacket and wrapped the blankets around me as tight as I could.

“My car broke down a while back and my phone is dead. Is there anyone here that could give me a ride?” I didn’t want to spend more time with him than I had to. It hurt too damn much.

Mingi gave an apologetic smile, “I’m the only one here, actually.”

I gave the man a confused look, “Why are you here?”

“My second semester ended so I’m no longer studying abroad. I came back to visit friends but didn’t have a place to stay so Yunho has let me stay here for a few days.” He was silent for a few seconds before adding, “I was gonna leave before the party I-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s fine.”

Silence.

“I would take you home if I could, but my car is being fixed right now so it isn’t here. We could call someone maybe if that-”

“Yeah that’s fine. Can I borrow your phone?”

He nodded and handed it over. I didn’t notice it when he showed me his phone before, but his lock screen was different. It shouldn’t have hurt to see that it changed from a selfie of us to a picture of him with friends I assume he made abroad. It shouldn’t have. It had been a year, I should be over him.

I opened his phone without needing a password and tried to hide a smile. He never had a password in all the time I’d known him.

Good to know some things never change.

I dialed Wooyoung’s number and pressed the call button.

“We are sorry, but at this time your service provider is out of range. Please-”

Great.

I handed back his phone, “You don’t have any signal.”

“That’s odd, we always have service here...Do you wanna charge your phone? Maybe you’ll have better luck?”

“Yeah.”

He left the room and I placed my head in my hands, trying to process seeing him for the first time in a year. He was devastatingly handsome and still as kind as always.

I really miss him, don’t I?

His voice started me, “Hand me your phone, I’ll plug it in for you.”

I passed my phone over, accidentally touching his warm hands and I felt a spark run through me which I did my best to ignore. With almost comical timing, just as Mingi reached a plug-in, the lights went out.

“Uhh...that’s not supposed to happen.”

I scoffed, “No kidding. Do we have a generator?”

“Honestly, I don’t think we do.” Mingi gave me a sad look, “It’s been snowing hard outside for hours so there’s no way we’ll be able to leave now. Even with a car.”

“Awesome. I love to hear that.”

“At the very least we’ve got food to last us a few days. We should be okay-”

“Do I look like I want to spend several days here?” I snapped.

He looked taken aback at my words and I felt a pang of regret in my chest.

“I’m not sure we have a choice.”

I hated to admit it, but he was right.

“Do you want any food?”

“Huh?” I asked, confused.

“Are you hungry? I could make you something if you’d like.”

I thought for a moment. “Yeah, actually. If you don’t mind, anyway.”

Mingi shook his head, walking to the kitchen. I didn’t realize how hungry I really was until he mentioned it, so I didn’t care what he made for me.

Minutes later he placed a plate and cup on the coffee table in front of me.

My favorite sandwich and chips. He remembered.

It should have been considered kind, but it just broke my heart a bit further. It was a simple act, but it proved that he stored it in his memory.

He remembered.

“I hope it’s still your favorite. I got you your favorite lemonade, too.”

I nodded, trying to prevent tears from spilling.

“I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure what to do.”

“Lighting the fireplace would probably be a good start.”

He laughed, “Ah you’re totally right. I’ll be back with a lighter, call out to me if you need anything.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Stuffing my face with the sandwich, I hummed. I always loved his sandwiches. There was something special about them, knowing that he made them for me, and this one was no different.

Mingi once again returned, this time with a lighter and a blanket, lighting the fire and sitting down on the couch across from me, wrapping himself in the blanket.

I couldn’t help but wonder how I possibly ended up in the current situation. Maybe the universe was out to get me. Who knows?

I took another bite of my sandwich, hoping I’d be able to leave soon.

-

I briefly glanced over at Mingi to find him on his phone.

Lucky. I wish I had mine so I wouldn’t be so damn bored.

The crackle of the fireplace was the only noise for what seemed like an hour. Neither one of us spoke. Growing tired of not doing anything, I stood and walked towards the fireplace to admire the snow globes. I noticed that behind the globes rested a photo album. I debated whether or not I should open it for the span of a few seconds before my curiosity got the best of me.

Opening it up, I saw pictures of all of our friends from the previous years of Yunho’s Christmas party. I began to walk back to the couch with my eyes on the book when I tripped, some of the pictures falling out. Mingi noticed and quickly rushed over to my side.

“Are you alright?” He was careful not to touch me, I noticed, but he was still right by my side.

“I’m fine, just help me pick these up.” I motioned towards the pictures scattered across the floor.

“Of course.”

We resumed our silence, picking the photos up and placing them back in the book. Noticing Mingi had stopped helping me I looked at him, prepared to make a quick jab at him for not helping, when I saw why he stopped.

In his hands he was holding a picture of the two of us kissing, dated two years prior.

I let out an empty chuckle, devoid of all humor, “I don’t know why that’s still there. Here,” I reached out to take the photo, “I’ll throw it away-”

“Don’t.” His response was immediate, taking me by surprise. He shifted awkwardly, clearing his throat, “I’d like to keep it.”

My heart felt like it stopped for a moment, hoping he missed us as much as I did.

“Why?” I asked.

Mingi smiled, still looking at the frozen image of the two of us. “Do you remember this day?”

“Of course I do.” My eyes began to water without me realizing, “That day was the first time you told me you loved me.”

His eyes found mine, sadness within them, “Yeah. Yeah it was.” His voice became horse as if he was fighting back tears.

“I didn’t want to let you go.”

“Then why did you?”

His eyes drifted down. “I was traveling halfway across the world for a year. I guess part of me thought you would meet someone else. I wanted to save myself the heartbreak in case you did.”

“I would’ve gladly stayed with you if you had asked. I have no desire to meet anyone else. Ever. You are the only one for me.” I froze, the realization of my words hitting me.

Mingi looked at me, “When I was abroad, I missed you every second of every day and I have missed you every second of every day since.” His hands cupped my face as if I was made of glass and a single tear fell down his cheek, causing my own tears to spill.

I was no longer able to speak, and so I did the only thing I could think of: I kissed him.

I kissed him with all the hurt that I felt after he left me. I kissed him with the deep love that I still felt for him. I kissed him with the fear that I’d lose him once again.

Our kisses soon grew heated, the photo album quickly forgotten, and I found my arms wrapped around his neck, hands running through his soft hair while his found their way to the bottom of my sweater, toying with it.

“Do you want this?” He growled, voice much deeper and raspier than before.

“Yes.”

With that, he pulled my sweater over my head, eyes scanning the red, lacy bra I was wearing.

His favorite.

Mingi chuckled, “This is still my favorite bra of yours.”

“I don’t know, I’ve got some new ones that are pretty hot.”

He let out a groan and began to leave kisses down my neck, setting my skin on fire.

I stopped him, needed to know one thing before we continued, “Did you...have you...since we last...?”

He smiled, “How could I? I’ve only ever been yours. Have you?”

I gave a slight smile, “No. No, I haven’t.”

I kissed him again and lifted his sweater, tossing it across the room. He had slightly defined abs when I was with him before, but they were far more prominent now. His arms were much more defined and it took all of my concentration to keep from drooling.

“Like what you see, doll?”

My voice was a borderline squeak, “Yes.”

“You still into praise, sweetheart?

I nodded, pulling on his jeans. Only slightly embarrassed with how eager I was.

“Not yet, baby.” Mingi easily lifted me to the couch and helped me remove my jeans. He grabbed my hips and placed me on his thigh, tightening his muscles as he dragged my clothed core across his own jeans. In mere seconds I became a quivering mess. I realized how truly long it had been since I’d been with anyone like this, and I had to admit I was needy.

“What a good girl you’re being for me. Aren’t you? You’re doing wonderfully, my love.”

I whimpered and pulled myself closer to him.

“Are you close, baby?”

I nodded, maybe too quickly, and felt my orgasm wash over me. I panted, already out of breath.

“Good girl.”

Bringing my lips to his I reached for his pants again and this time he helped me remove them. As I grinded down against him, he let out a deep growl.

“Let’s rid you of these, hmm?”

He eagerly removed my panties and bra and stared at me for a minute.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

I blushed fiercely. “You’re so incredibly handsome. Somehow even more so than when I saw you last.”

Mingi looked at me with a shy smile then resumed his actions. He removed his underwear and ran his length across my slit, teasing me slightly.

“Mingi, I need you.” I begged.

His eyes darkened and he entered me without hesitation. My back arched as he reached a steady pace and littered my neck with kisses, most likely leaving hickies, marking me as his.

I pulled his hair, bringing him closer to me. Mingi was always fairly vocal, but he could never get enough of me pulling his hair, always moaning in response.

He reached down and toyed with my clit, causing sparks to fly through me.

“Fuck—babe don’t stop.”

“Wasn’t—shit—planning on it, doll.”

Both of us quickly reached our high, cumming at the same time. I pressed a hand against his chest as I caught my breath.

“You’re still really, really good at that.”

Mingi laughed, “You are too, sweetheart. Oh wait-”

He got up and returned with a warm towel, cleaning me up and looking at me fondly.

“You’re cute.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mingi smiled, placing the towel aside,“Now, how about we get under some blankets? We’ll feel cold soon enough.”

I nodded and began to put my undergarments on, reaching for my sweater.

“I think not.” He said, now with his pants on, handing me his own sweater which I gladly took.

“You look hella good in my clothes, miss.”

I giggled at his choice of words, feeling happiness bubble in my chest for the first time in a long time.

“You look hella good without a shirt, mister.”

Mingi raised a brow and ticked my sides, making me squeal.

“I’ll fight you!” I yelled.

He stopped and rubbed his nose against mine, “Sorry I can’t help it. Your laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world.”

“Shut up.” I laughed, feeling shy.

He placed arm around me, nuzzling my neck.

I turned to him, worry in my eyes, “I’m really sorry for lashing out at you earlier. That’s not like me.”

He smiled, “I know it’s not. But don’t worry about it, I understand. It’s a defense mechanism I guess.”

I cuddled up to him then realized I needed to use the restroom. I tried to get up when he pulled me closer to him.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“Silly, I just have to use the restroom. I don’t want a UTI.”

He laughed aloud, “Fine but you better come right back.”

“I will,” I told him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before I walked away.

I soon looked in the mirror of the bathroom, observing my flushed cheeks and the wide smile I couldn’t seem to wipe off my face.

This girl looks happy. I think I can get used to seeing her in the mirror.

I returned and was instantly pulled back into his arms.

“I love you.”

I felt a tear run down my face, feeling beyond happy, “I love you, too. So much.”

I wasn’t sure when, but I felt my eyes began to droop, slowly falling asleep in the arms of the man I loved.

-

The day following, Mingi’s phone recieved signal and I was able to call Wooyoung. Apparently the power lines had fallen, everyone in the immediate area losing power. The nearest roads had been somehow cleared overnight and he’d be able to come pick me up.

“Wooyoung’s on his way over, apparently everyone lost power.”

“Hmm. well I, for one, am glad we did,” Mingi pulled me into a tight hug.

“Yeah, me too.”

A silence fell between us, but it was comfortable this time.

Mingi spoke up, his voice becoming playful, “I’m taking you on a date soon. There’s nothing you can do about, I’m afraid you cannot refuse.”

“As if I would refuse.”

“Mmm.” I didn’t think he could, but he pulled me even closer to him.

“Mingi you’re literally gonna break my bones.”

He let go of me, eyes wide, “Did I hurt you? Gosh I’m so sorry I can—”

“You didn’t hurt me you goof.”

“Oh good. You scared me.”

The honk of a car horn scared me and I jumped, Mingi hiding a smile.

“Call me if you need anything, okay? You’ve got my number.”

“Of course.” Giving him one last kiss before I bid him goodbye and left the cabin, hopping in Wooyoung’s car.

“Holy shit are you okay? Was anyone even home? My god I feel so bad—”

“Mingi was there.”

Wooyoung’s face froze, quickly turning into a scowl, “I swear if he did anything to you—”

“No, don’t worry about it. We’ve made up,” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.

He didn’t say anything, he only stared at me before he spoke again, “You two totally fucked, didn’t you?”

“Wooyoung!” I slapped his arm in shock.

“You didn’t deny it!”

“Oh shut up. Just take me home.”

He playfully rolled his eyes and put the car in drive.

“Just so you know, I’m happy for you. I get why he did it but I am still a little pissed. I swear to fucking god if he breaks your heart again I will actually break his knee caps.”

“Oh I don’t doubt it. I wouldn’t worry to much about it, though.”

“If you insist, okay.”

“I do.”

-

December twenty third. The day that I had been dreading once, now one that I had been very much looking forward to. I checked my makeup and outfit once more before texting Mingi.

Me: I’m ready whenever you are!

Mingi Mango: I’m outside :)

Me: Shit, already?

Mingi Mango: Language

I scoffed, grabbing my purse and running outside to meet him.

“Babyyyyyy!” Mingi yelled as he saw me.

“Mangoooo!” I yelled back, jumping into his arms.

“How are you? I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Mingi it’s been two days.”

“But it feels like forever! You look absolutely stunning, by the way.”

“You cheese. You look really good yourself.”

“You know it,” Mingi winked and opened his passenger car door for me, “My lady.”

I was unable to keep from smiling, giving him a little kiss on the cheek and climbing into the car. The entire car ride was filled with lighthearted conversation, not a single silent moment between us.

“We’re here, doll.”

“Yes I see the cabin in front of us.” I teased him.

“Well just in case you didn’t I thought I’d let you know.” He laughed, eyes disappearing into crescents, and I felt my heart swell.

We held hands as we walked into the cabin, finding several pairs of eyes turning to us, then to our intertwined hands. I was pleased to find smiles on my friend’s faces, feeling happy that they were happy for us. Arin came running towards me at a seemingly inhuman speed and wrapped her arms around me.

“Ahhh how are you, girly? I’ve missed you so much! And you look gorgeous! I love that sweater on you! And your makeup! Wow! How’d you do that? Have you been eating well?”

“One question at a time, Arin.” I smiled.

“Sorry! I’m just so happy!”

"Me too!” I looked around, “Do you know where Wooyoung is?”

“Oh he’s out back with San. They’re having a competition to see who can build the better snowman.”

I shook my head with a smile.

At that moment she took a step back, looking at our hands. I had told her about Mingi and I dating again over the phone and she seemed happy for me, but I had to admit I was nervous to see her reaction in person.

“You,” She pointed a finger at Mingi, “If you hurt even a hair on her head I will actually fight you.”

Mingi’s eyed widened, assuring her that he would never hurt me.

She clapped her hands, “Well, good. Now that that’s over, do you all want a drink?” Arin cocked her head, the change in mannerisms throwing me a little.

“Yeah that’s fine.”

“Okay! I’ll be right back! Catch up with everyone you two!”

As if he was a ghost, Yunho appeared next to Mingi, scaring us both.

“Christ, Yunho. Give a man a warning first.”

“Sorry,” He chucked, “How are you both?”

“We’re doing well, thanks.”

“We’re happy.” Mingi turned to me and looked at me with heart eyes, butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

“You all are cute. Speaking of, you haven’t met Mia, have you?”

Mingi and I exchanged confused looks.

“No, I don’t believe so. Who’s that?”

“She’s my new girlfriend. We’ve been dating for a little over a month but if I’m being honest, I’m already head over heels for this girl.” Yunho turned, calling out to a girl surrounded by people, “Mia, can you come here?”

The short brunette walked over, a smile plastered on her face as she made eye contact with Yunho.

“I’d like you to meet my friends from high school.” He introduced us and she nodded, fully invested in the conversation.

“I’ve heard a lot about you both! I’m so excited to get to know you all better!”

I smiled at her enthusiasm, “Aww you, too!”

Arin walked over and handed Mingi and I our drinks, skipping off to meet another friend.

Yunho and Mia wondered off soon after, greeting more people coming in.

“Hey I’ve got something I wanna show you.” Mingi whispered in my ear.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Come with me.”

Before I knew it, Mingi was pulling me into a bathroom and locking the door.

“I know what you’re doing, Mango.”

“And what’s that?” He asked as he leaned down to reach my neck, kissing me gently, arms resting on my hips.

“We’re at a party.” I said, whining at him but doing nothing to stop him.

“I saw that couch when we walked in, you know? I’m never going to be able to look at it the same.”

“Me either.”

My head eventually won the fight I was having with myself, and I promised that if he could wait till he dropped me off I’d be all his. It seemed to appease him as he gave me one last kiss and led us out of the bathroom. Somehow, no one noticed and I was grateful, sure that my flustered expression would certainly give us away.

“Hey, look at this.”

My eyes moved in the direction Mingi was pointing, seeing a mistletoe directly above us.

“Oh you definitely planned that.”

“And if I did?”

“I’d kiss you all the same.”

Mingi bent down to kiss me, a hand on my face, another around my waist. As I wrapped my own hands around his neck, deepening the kiss, I couldn’t help but think that this was what true happiness felt like.

Thank you, Mingi. Thank you for giving me the greatest gift of your love. Merry Christmas, my love.

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (59) || atz

You stand at the bow of the ship silently, lost in thought as the sea eddies and swirls beneath you.

Your fingers run over the stump that had once used to be your hand, tracing nonsensical patterns and words absentmindedly over the bandage done there. There’s nothing you can do. Nothing to be done.

That’s just the way it is.

Losing your hand was, surprisingly, the least of your concerns over the last few days. There were no fits of rage induced fury as San had used to describe to you, no depressed episodes of tears and screaming, just a silent, persisting emptiness that scares you more than anything else.

Is this what it feels like? Knowing that your days are numbered? Knowing that you’re going to die?

You’re so absorbed in the simple task of winding and rewinding your bandages around your fingers that you don’t hear the creak of the boards, the clicking of boots until he’s standing by your side.

“Hey.” When there’s no response, he tries again. “Chin Hae. Chin Hae?”

“Oh! Yeosang-oppa.” You greet, but there’s an unfocused light to your eyes, you’re still out of it. His heart clenches, but he doesn’t know what to say – because no words are enough. He’s afraid for you, uncertainty dances on the brink of their future, the tip of his tongue. “Have the rest of the crew been informed of what happened?”

Yeosang nods slowly, leaning on the railing next to you. The ship rocks steadily on the waves, tranquil and painfully peaceful, as if the sea beneath you isn’t strewn with corpses, as if the water hasn’t run red with blood. It’s beguiling, really, how the sea swallows all, indiscriminate, and all that’s left is sea, sea and sea, and nothing more.

“What about Captain?” You ask hollowly, but the words feel heavy on your lips.

“He’s in the sickbay, getting tended to by San.” Fear seizes your chest for a second – what if he tells? –  but emptiness relinquishes its hold on you. Your master, by far, is too kind, too pure. He wouldn’t want to burden your captain any more than he already is now, what with Yunho’s antidote and finding Captain Kang. San is like a puppet, manipulating him playing with marionette strings dangling from that fragile little heart of his.

He’ll listen.

Yeosang’s throat tightens. “Hey, Chin Hae, are you really alrig-”

Before he can finish his question, there’s a furious thudding of boots up the forecastle decks stairs, rushed and frantic, and you turn around to frown at the noise when you catch sight of him.

Well, you barely do, because he’s already standing before you before you can blink, and one hand shoots out to grab yours. You don’t even have time to process what’s he’s doing, a near bewildered “Wooyoung…?” slipping from your lips when he tugs what’s left of your hand more closely to his face.

His expression as he studies your bandaged hand is stony, frightening intensity burning like white flames behind his eyes. Even Yeosang seems to pick up on it, because he approaches Wooyoung cautiously, as if nearing a wild animal, and calls his name softly.

“Wooyoung-ah?”

Wooyoung’s jaw clenches, a muscle in his cheek twitches, but his expression doesn’t change. Then suddenly, he whirls around and storms back towards the forecastle stairs, pure wrath practically rolling off his skin.

Yeosang panics a little, runs forward to intercept Wooyoung with a hand on his arm. “Wooyoung-ah-”

To your shock, the gunner rips his arm ferociously from his friend’s grip, nearly baring his teeth at the navigator. “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

Then he continues down the stairs, footsteps resounding across the main deck, and he vanishes into the infirmary for a second. Confusion floods you, but then there’s a silent pause, a breath of silence, and then your captain goes tumbling out of the door of the infirmary, crashing to the ground, hard.

“Wha-”

“Wooyoung, stop!” Your master’s voice rings out, cracking with desperation, and then you’re running across the forecastle deck, fingers of one hand gripping the railing tight as you stare in horror at the scene beneath you.

Wooyoung is beating his captain up.

“So she’s lost a hand? You fucking let her lose a hand?” Wooyoung screams in his captain’s face, knuckles white wrapped around his captain’s lapels. The look on his face is wild, unhinged and it scares you, god it terrifies you. He pulls his captain up and slams him back down on the deck, fists pummeling at every inch of his captain that he can reach with violent, furious blows. “You let this happen! You promised me you’d die before you let anything happen to her, you fucking liar!”

Wooyoung is swearing.

Wooyoung is swearing.

Your captain doesn’t do anything to defend himself. He simply lies there, taking blow after blow, and San is sobbing at the side, screaming for him to do something, for Wooyoung to just stop, but neither pay any attention to him. Mingi peers out of the cabin, clearly disturbed by the commotion and his mouth falls open at the sight before him.

“Captain!”

He and Jongho dash forward to yank the two apart, even from here, you can see blood is dripping from your captain’s nose. Even for all of the younger battlemaster’s monstrous strength, it still takes both the combined efforts of him and Seonghwa to tear Wooyoung away from your captain, and even then he’s still screaming terrible, terrible things you’d never have dreamed Wooyoung would say.

Your captain doesn’t respond, not even when the crew stares on quietly, just as stunned as you are. Mingi shakes his captain’s shoulder desperately, searching his eyes. “Captain? Captain?”

“Let him at me.”Hongjoong says lowly, and your heart drops. “I deserve it.”

Mingi stares at his captain in wide eyed shock, as if he’d just told him to turn the Treasure in to the Royal Navy, instead tells San to lock Wooyoung up in the infirmary until he calms down. He’s dragged away, kicking and screaming, into the sickbay before the door slams shut and a disconcerting silence takes over the deck.

“Back to work! Or do the lot of you have time to dawdle around and stare?” Mingi snaps sharply at the crew and they immediately turn back to their duties, hushed murmurs silently passing from lip to ear. Mingi turns back to his captain, gaze softening with concern, before he spots you on the forecastle deck.

You already know what he wants you to do.

Stepping down the stairs, you approach the two of them, tug quietly on your captain’s hand. To your surprise, he doesn’t resist in the least, letting you drag him to the captain’s cabin. Mingi gives you a concerned look, but you nod at him to reassure him before shutting the door.

Your captain simply stands there, blank, until you force him to sit on Yeosang’s bed, the straw matress creaking slightly under his weight. Still, he doesn’t move and you search the room for a wet rag you can use, knowing that Yeosang keeps an emergency healer’s kit here, and tell your captain to lean forward with his fingers pinched at his nose bridge.

You don’t talk, merely instruct. Instructions are learnt, instructions are either right or wrong, instructions have no in-between. Instructions don’t have emotions.

You like instructions. Emotions, right now? Not so much.

Hongjoong doesn’t say a word as you unfold a cloth you’d found on the table, a thick silence hanging between the two of you. You feel his eyes burning into you when you attempt to uncork the flask with one hand. After five minutes of painful struggling and near unbearable quiet, your captain finally speaks up.

“Give it here.”

His voice is quiet, controlled, and you hand it over, chewing on the inside of your cheek. He opens it and takes the cloth from you, drizzling water over it and lifting it to his nose. It comes away bloody, a sight you’re all too familiar with for different reasons.

“You can go now.” Your captain mutters, his gaze doesn’t even meet yours and you want to throw up your hands (well, hand now) and scream. What did you do wrong this time? Is the hiding of the true reason for the loss of your hand isn’t enough to retain normalcy on this ship?

You just… you just want everything to go back to normal. When it was all of you sailing together on the Treasure, laughing and getting into mischief and overlooking the sea with smiles on your faces, not this noxious, stale bilge water kind of… mess.

Gods, you don’t even know what to do anymore, and it’s driving you insane.

“Look, Hongjoong!” You grab him by the lapels of his collar and yank him down to meet your eyes. He startles a little, but his eyes immediately dart away, refusing to meet your gaze. “What the hell were you doing when Wooyoung did that to you, huh? You just let yourself get beaten up by him and for what? What part of you deserved that? Tell me!”

Hongjoong’s eyes flicker, but still doesn’t lift his head. He doesn’t say a word.

You don’t budge an inch either, unwilling to relinquish him until he gives you a proper answer, but finally, a broken, little chuckle escapes him, and you stare at him like he’s grown a third head. What is even remotely funny about this situation?

You get your answer.

“You finally called me Hongjoong.” He says weakly and you grab at your hair in a mixture of disbelief and rage. Laugh or cry? Crying seems like the favourable option at the moment.

“Hongjoong!” You snap, furious, and your captain only sinks back onto the bed, a defeated smile on his face. He looks at you, but it’s as if he isn’t really seeing, and through all your fury, your heart still breaks for him.

“I failed.” He says simply, like that explains anything. You frown, gesture at him to elaborate, and he shakes his head, dragging rough fingers through his hair. “I promised you – promised Wooyoung – that I’d keep you safe with my own life and here I am, perfectly fine and you...“

Promised Wooyoung? What was that about?

“You lost a hand and I was there and I let it happen.” He continues, burying his head in his hands. “You were trying to help me and–” A groan escapes him and it sounds like a sob and a cry and everything in between. “Wooyoung was right, I’m such a… such a useless captain.”

You don’t know what to tell him. Because he had made a promise to you, but it was something that was out of his control. No man can play god. He couldn’t have possibly known this was going to happen to you.

And you’re sick of him blaming himself for it.

“You always ask the crew to tell you their problems so that you can share their burden, but you don’t practice what you preach, captain.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widen, but you continue fiercely before he can say another word. “You told me to come to me with my problems and I did–” You ignore the guilt blooming in the pit of your stomach, “but you, captain, you have problems too and you don’t share them with the crew. You try to carry the burden all by yourself but you can’t do it, and you just don’t want to admit it, captain.”

Your captain stares at you for a long moment, mouth opening and closing in shock without making a sound. “I… I don’t-”

“You can’t keep the entire crew safe by yourself, captain. You’re not strong enough to do it alone. No man in the world is.” You poke him in the chest with your good hand and your captain stares down at it. “That’s why we’re here, to do it with you. The crew is a family, and it isn’t just about you taking care of us because you’re the captain. It’s all of us,” You gesture at the door of his cabin, where the rest of the crew are working right outside, “taking care of each other, watching out for each other’s backs. Losing this hand? I chose it, because I’d rather lose a limb than lose you, our captain.”

The next few seconds stretch into a minute. Hongjoong doesn’t move, fixated on your hand. Then he inhales once, breathes out, meets your eyes. “Oh.” There’s something sparkling in his eyes, they look like tears. “Oh.” He repeats again, and the tears spill over, effectively sending you into a near panic. Was that the wrong thing to say?

“It’s not just me. I’m not alone.” Hongjoong manages to say through sniffles, there’s a tone of wonderment in his voice, like he’s just discovered the truth and what’s left of your heart tosses itself out of the porthole and into the sea. “I have… I have all of you.”

“Yes.” You say as firmly as possible, because you need him to know this.

“And you…” The tears are flowing freely now. “You wanted to save me. It’s okay... if it’s not me… saving you. I was worth it.”

“Yes.”

Then he’s throwing his arms around you, and you nearly stumble back a step. Something dampens your sleeve, but you don’t care, pulling him closer protectively. He seems lighter now, more free. “Thank you, Chin Hae.”

No, thank you for everything you’ve done, you think as he sobs tears of relief into your shoulder. Now it’s my turn to take care of you.

[timextoxhajima]

Playlist Feels

*SHORT SERIES

Member: JUYEON

Genre: drama with chaebol/lawyer juyeon

Links to other parts:

I Never Wanna See You Again

Frustrated (light smut)

Love Somebody (light smut)

Play With Fire (smut)

Stigma

~

of all people, THIS bureau director just had to be your mother? 

“uh-- juyeon--,” the words come out in little squeaks, your lungs feeling like they were completely empty. he looks at you with worried eyes, and you don’t expect anything less of a look of disapproval from his mother. 

but all your mother does is smile at you. 

“do you happen to be uncomfortable?” his mother asks you, not exactly bothering to hide the discontent in her voice. 

“no, no, it’s alright. she’s probably just nervous,” your mother lifts a hand and rests it on her shoulder. 

you felt your brain and eyes glitching simultaneously. the sight was too overwhelming for you to take. 

“can i speak to you outside? please?” you look back up with juyeon, and there must’ve been something seriously wrong with your face because he nods immediately, pushing the door open and letting you pull him out. 

“are you alright? you don’t look so well...” he lowers his head to meet yours, trying to pull your hands away from pressing against the sides of your face. “in fact, you look like you’re going to throw up.”

“that’s because i fuckin’ am--” you swallow your saliva, randomly grabbing a glass of water off a tray from a waiter walking past you. the waiter looks at the both of you with confusion, which you take no notice of, while juyeon lowers his head apologetically. 

“did you eat something wrong or--”

“your bureau director?” you huff, gulping all the water in the glass at a go and slamming it down on the nearest table. the sound startles juyeon, and he looks at you with eyes that convinced you he was scared. 

you weren’t sure if he was more scared you were acting like you weren’t in an expensive restaurant, or of what you were going to say. 

“what about the bureau director?”

you look at him with eyes that were threatening to sob and spill waterfalls. 

“she’s my mother.”

the same waiter walks past again, with another tray of water in his hands. you turn and pick up two glasses now, downing one like they were vodka shots and you hold one out for juyeon. 

even he looked like he was going to pass out. 

“i’m going to repeat what you just said in ultra slow motion...” he lifts a finger and holds it out in front of your face. “the bureau director... is your... mother?”

“mmhmm,” you were on the brink of laugh-crying, head shaking ever so slightly as his eyes flutter between you and the glass of water.

you could almost hear the gears in his head crack and glitch and explode, and if you could see it, some parts have already caught fire from the sparks. 

he grabs the glass of water from you, and it was almost like this new information erodes his ability to hold authority over you. 

in the chaebol world, you being the bureau director’s daughter made you more of a ‘princess’ than he was a ‘prince’. 

“and when the hell were you going to tell me you were a chaebol?!” he whispers harshly, droplets of water dripping down his chin. 

waiters and other guests at the restaurant were starting to look at you both weird. you two looked like drug dealers in ridiculously expensive clothes exchanging the goods in the corner of the restaurant. 

“like, never?! i’m not a big fan of my mother and i don’t even associate myself with my family!” you hiss back, rubbing your forehead with your fingers.

“that’s not how being a chaebol works!” he seethes through gritted teeth, his brows furrowed on his forehead. you’ve never seen him so worked up before, it would’ve been funny if your mother wasn’t the reason why you were both freaking out. “you’re a whackass, you know that?”

you glare at him, stunned that his improper language was spilling out at a time like this. 

“that’s how you saw through me last friday,” he wraps his hands around his head. “because you know how it feels like... because you ran and you managed to ditch your responsibilities to live the life you wanted.”

“way to remind me that i went in a whole fucking round and ended back in the same room as my mother!” you anxiously hop on the spot, nearly spitting at him. 

“so, what now? you’re like--” he lets the reality sink in. “oh my god, i screwed my director’s daughter--”

his hands were plastered to his cheeks and you see him scared for his life for the first time in the one month you’ve known him. 

“no, forget about the screwing,” you pull his arms away and hold his hands in yours. “we gotta figure out how we’re going to deal with this. if your mother finds out the director is my mother, she’s going to flip, isn’t she?”

“of course she’s going to flip, but she can’t do it in front of her boss!” 

you wince at the situation, rubbing your temples as you struggle to think of an appropriate way to approach this mess. 

“i have an idea,” you grab his wrists and look at him with wide eyes. “we can run away!”

juyeon looks at you with a distorted look of confusion. he knows you were cracking under the pressure of the problem. 

but the door of the private room opens, and your mother pops her head out.

“do you two need anything? your mother’s already explained to me the situation with the law firm and i understand completely,” she smiles at the both of you. “so if you’re done with whatever business you have, you can come back in and we’ll have dinner.”

she leaves the door slightly ajar and disappears back into the room. you exchange glances with juyeon, finally resigning to fate that there was no way you could run. not from this situation, at least.

you find yourself back at the table with expensive food on the table, both of you sitting directly opposite your mothers. the air between the four of you was heavy and awkward, and the only thing that was making it a little less painful to get through was your mother consistently chit-chatting with juyeon about the law firm. 

his mother seems abit confused at the sudden interest of the director in her son, but she doesn’t say anything. you assume she doesn’t know that the director is your mother. 

throughout dinner, your mother looks at you with eyes that she used to give you when you won something at school. be it a trophy, or a certificate for good results, and you remember how much you hated it. 

she never turned up for any of your events, your only memory of her was waiting up past midnight just to show her your achievements. 

she never really bothered until you reach university and you were already studying law, and by then you already harboured a distaste towards her. 

she tried to turn you into a chaebol and tried to get more business dealings for herself and the family name with you, but you caught on to her tricks and you couldn’t believe she was just using you as a trophy. 

the swavroski thing was probably just her way of apologising.

but then again, she could’ve been hoping you would accept it, so you’d have to do her bidding afterwards. so since you didn’t, you owe her nothing. 

“it’s been a pleasure seeing you after such a long time,” everybody stands up and your mother reaches over to shake juyeon’s hand. “when was the last time i saw you? one, maybe two years ago?”

“well! you look better than before,” she grins at his mother. “your son is growing up so well!”

his mother provides a fake smile and you purse your lips, trying to stifle a look of disgust. 

“and it’s such a pleasure to meet you!” your mother offers you her hand. 

you look at her in despair, reaching out and giving her a firm shake.

“i assume you’re mr lee’s...?”

“fiance.” juyeon’s voice rings by your ear.

mr lee’s what--

“oh!”

my fucking heart is going to explode--

“well then, it’ll be so rude of me not to offer the both of you an engagement gift, given that the lee family’s been working with the bureau for so long,” your mother beams, but his mother does not look happy. 

she better not fucking offer the swavroski ownership contract--

“i was just going to ask you if you were interested in becoming the owner of swavroski,” she pulls out a file from her suitcase and pushes it across the table to juyeon. “but now that i know you’re engaged, i have an excuse to make this a more meaningful gift.”

you wish you could’ve rammed your face into a nearby wall and then hurl yourself out the hole. 

what the hell is happening?!

“uh--” 

“he’ll take it into consideration,” juyeon’s mother pushes the file nearer to juyeon, not giving him a chance to sputter nonsense. “thank you for the gift, director.”

it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but you struggle to absorb the act of his mother bowing to yours. 

your mother leaves first, as per tradition. followed by his mother, who says nothing to the both of you.

juyeon quickly shuts the door behind him, back leaning against the door as he exhales all the air in his lungs. you stare at him, mouth slightly agape and you couldn’t find the right words to yell at him. 

“the whole point of not telling your mother that the director is my mother is to prevent her from flipping,” you let the words roll off your tongue as he turns to look at you. “but you go ahead and tell her i’m your fiance?! what difference does that make?!” you flail your arms around in the air. you turn and find the corner of the room, pressing your face into the ninety degree angle of the walls and gentle ram your face into the surface.

i ran because i wanted nothing to do with being a chaebol and the responsibilities that came with it.

i ran because i couldn’t stand being my mother’s daughter. 

i ran because i wanted to build my life from the ground up on my own.

but now...

there is a choice between being with the man i love...

or letting him go, to do what i ran away for in the first place

if this continues and i stay with him, i would’ve ran for nothing

i’m still going to end up at the same point that i ran away from

“motherfucker--” you wince under your breath, between gritted teeth. you lose your bearings and you start kicking the wall like you had just been bullied by the inanimate object. 

it would’ve been easier to run or decide if your mother doesn’t now think you were engaged to him

it would’ve been easier if you met his mother properly instead of giving her the perfect view of all her son’s markings on your neck

it would’ve been easier if you just hadn’t fallen in love with him in the first place

“hey,” you hear his voice call out to you, but the pressure and the memories of the way your mother treated you like a trophy comes crashing down on you all at once. 

the feeling of not having anybody to care for you like a normal mother does to her child kicks you in the gut.

the fear that you were never able to make your own decisions and live your own life crushes you in a shrinking space of four walls. 

your eyes seal shut and an unfamiliar ball started to form in your throat. 

“hey hey hey hey... no,” he tries to pull you to turn your around, but the tears that were sliding down your cheek betray you. “why are you crying-- oh, no.”

you hear his heart shatter in his voice as he wraps his arms around your shoulder and head, your legs still standing against the wall. 

“it was all a mistake--” you choke between sobs. you expected him to freak out at your words, but he doesn’t. “i’ve been running for almost two years now... and i was so close to becoming the person i really wanted to be... not a fucking chaebol--” you hiccup, and he pushes your head into his shoulder. 

he shushes you, his hand gently patting the back of your head and you let the light makeup get smudged into his blazer. the sobs get a little less intense and he pulls away, leaving just enough space for him to tilt your head upwards so he could kiss you. 

the salty taste of the tears gathered between your lips dilutes when he buries his lips between yours, and his hands nearly cover the whole of your side profile. fingers behind your ear and in your hair, the kiss lets you know that he wasn’t going to let you go just because you were scared.

“you don’t want to be a chaebol, right?” he whispers, lips still touching yours. his hands don’t leave your face, and his eyes were digging into yours.

“is it wrong if i don’t want to?” you hiccup, and his thumbs brush across your cheekbones to get rid of the tears. 

“you want to run from being a chaebol? that’s fine,” he leans forward again, but stops right before he presses his lips into yours again. “but know that you can’t run from me.”

Part 7: Highway To Heaven

[bastillewolf]

Midnight In Sheffield (II)

Pairing: Alex Turner/Reader

Summary: When a soon-to-be-wedded insomniac author heads back home to visit her parents, she comes across the likes of a mysterious musician whilst on her sleepless escapade in the AM.

Notes: I can’t thank you enough for the incredible response I’ve received for the first chapter of this story, as well as The Grand Tranquility Hotel. I’ve been stressing out a bit over an audition for a writer’s school I’m partaking in (I’ve already gotten through the first one, two more auditions to go), so all of you really kept my spirits up when I wasn’t feeling all that confident in my writing.

Also, happy Mother’s Day, mum. I love you. And to all the other mothers out there! You rock.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: As I said before, I’m not naming specific era’s or years to describe this fic. Some parts won’t add up to the time you’re thinking of, and you’d be right. But what I say to that is; all will be explained in time.

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list!

@alexbandguy86​​​ @bettyschwallocksyee​​​ @fookingsummertime​​​ @juicebox-baby​@darksydork7​​ @edgythought​ @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo​

Chapter II - Arabella

“We’re not back where we started off, are we?” Mark asked, his voice laced with such a condescending tone she didn’t believe she’d ever heard either of her parents use.

As well as the fact that he said ‘we’, like it was their problem to be solved. As if he was part of her predicament, and needed to exterminate the issue as swiftly as possible.

She’d gotten to her parents’ house in the very early hours, and had manage to sleep until the late afternoon, where she’d only woken up from the incessant noise her phone had been making. It turned out she had many missed calls from her fiancée, who was pissed off, to say the very least.

“Do you know how worried I was?” He continued, when she failed to answer his previous question. “When your mum said you went out and didn’t come back, I thought you’d been kidnapped or something! I thought, someone must’ve dragged her into an alley!”

He was met with more shameful silence.

“And yet I find you perfectly fine at home, laying in bed until-“ He glanced down at his watch. “3 pm! Are you joking?! Do I have to call someone again? Or is this just some phase you’re going through, because please warn me next time!”

She spitefully gave him a side eye. “You weren’t there to warn. You were out with James.”

His eyebrows shot up. “That’s your excuse? Really?! Because I had one night out to myself you go and mess your schedule up all over again? Out of retaliation?!”

“It’s not that serious, Mark. It was one night-“

“One night makes a whole lot of a difference, you and I both know that,” he shot back, making her flinch.

“I met a few people and we went out. Make a big deal out of it, why don’t you?” She was acting childish, sure, but she was still very pissed with him over bailing out on her parents. This was just one of her ways to express it, and he quickly realized that.

“Sweetheart,” he sighed, sitting down on the bed next to her, and taking her hands in his. “Please don’t do this to yourself again, you’ve come so far.”

She pursed her lips. A small part of her wanted to let go again, just to cause him the trouble. But what kind of fiancée would that make her? Certainly, no better than him. And she’d make her own life miserable again.

It was years back when she’d fallen into a depression. Mark was at the peak of his career, and things should have been going well for them. Yet, after continuous horrid reviews on the last book she’d published – a haphazardly written piece after her last one – she didn’t know what to do with herself anymore. She wasn’t eating, she wasn’t taking care of herself, and most importantly; she wasn’t sleeping.

Mark had to take time off work to care for her, resulting in a missed promotion, and even when all of it seemed to be going okay again, the insomnia remained. She’d gone to countless doctors and therapists, but they usually only gave her countless pills that never worked. Others took the task upon themselves to over-analyse her, until her medical file was filled with mentions of personality disorders to borderline insanity.

Only recently had she been able to get her sleeping schedule back to a decent rate, and she wasn’t even sure how.

It was a gamble each time she went out now, a guess when she would slip back into her old ways of getting no rest and nearly fainting once in a while from sheer exhaustion. She knew that was Mark’s biggest fear right now, while he was at the brink of success.

Yet, it wasn’t a gamble to her anymore, because last night had been one of the most thrilling nights she’d had in years.

 She’d walked into a decently filled pub, careful not to lose Miles in the crowd of brown and black suits of the men who were there. A groovy jazz band was playing on stage, and people were swinging about with a cloud of cigarette smoke hung above them.

“I thought people weren’t allowed to smoke in pubs anymore?” She asked as they finally reached the bar. Miles gave her a strange look, before signing to the bartender for a few pints.

“I don’t know who told you that, love, but they must’ve gone mad.”

She gave him a hesitant half-smile, glancing around the place where it appeared there wasn’t a singular person – apart from her – that wasn’t holding a cigarette. Perhaps it was just good old Sheffield, and she’d been gone for too long to remember it.

“Would you mind waiting right here?” he hesitantly asked her, “I think I spotted one of the blokes through the crowd, I’m just gonna call him over.”

She shook her head, “Trying to get rid of me already? We’ve only just met.”

Miles threw her a cheeky smile in response, as he tried to manoeuvre his figure in between the mass. “Never!”

She huffed, and as he disappeared, her eyes couldn’t help but travel across the many faces in the pub. They were a merry bunch, she had to admit, with ladies clad in shimmery dresses with loads of fringes and beads, and their hair curled into a unique fashion, and men dressed in suits and hats. Though even wearing something dark herself – a skin-tight, yet simple black dress – she felt a bit out of place between the flair and elegance of the people around her.

They suddenly started clapping, as the jazz group marked the end of their song.

“And now, a round of applause for our next talent; The Strokes!”

People whistled and cheered, and the merriment continued as the new band started to jam.

“What’s a pretty lady such as yourself doing all alone?” The voice had come from behind her, and made shivers run down her spine. Not in the pleasant way.

She turned to face the man who was evidently very much leaning closer to her. “Just waiting for my fiancée to get back, I’m afraid,” she lied. Well, not necessarily a lie.

He momentarily glanced down at her left hand, as if to check if her statement was true, but still didn’t waver in his stance. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me keeping you company for a bit.”

“Even if he didn’t mind, I definitely would,” she retaliated, making his eyebrows shoot up in surprise, before they furrowed again, and she knew then she’d made a dangerous move.

A hand touched her shoulder. Fuck, she should’ve known he wasn’t by himself.

“Love, are you alright? I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Wait, what?

He had his hair styled in a fashion she recognized was heavily inspired by the fifties, and his eyes were as brown as dark chocolate. Yet his features were sharp, and the leather jacket he wore made him look anything but boyish. A cigarette hung from hip lips, which he took a deep drag of as he met her gaze.

She quickly took notice of the message.

“I-I’m fine, thank you,” she replied.

“Yeah mate, I was just keeping her company for a bit,” the other man explained, though his voice held nothing but audaciousness.

Brown eyes narrowed, while he took the smoke from his mouth. “I’m not your mate. Now piss off, or I’m gonna have to make things ugly in front of the lady.”

She was sure the man would’ve raised his fist in response, yet a look from the bartender had him second guess, and he left in a moment’s notice.

“Uh, thank you,” she could only bring about, still ridiculously flabbergasted by the entire situation. She couldn’t remember the last time a man had ever tried to be so dominant towards her, let alone now that she had a ring on her finger.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied, “Though I should warn you next time not to leave your fiancée’s side. This is a good pub, but I can’t say the same for every single person in here.”

She politely introduced herself, and thanked him once again, which he shrugged off. Though he didn’t give her his name. “Where’s your bloke anyways? Been gone a bit too long, hasn’t he?”

It was then that Miles reappeared, and both men almost automatically raised their brows. One in greeting, and one in utter and befuddled confusion.

“Alex!”

“The fuck?”

“I was looking all over the place for you-“

“When were you gonna tell me you were engaged, mate?”

Now, both pairs of eyes held questions, until Miles took notice of her and quickly realized what was going on, and started laughing, which the man called Alex didn’t find amusing at all, to say the least. “I’m not engaged, you thickhead. I only just met her on the street. She’s not all that familiar around, so I thought I might show her the best pub in town.”

“Not familiar, eh?” he gazed at her questioningly, before his eyes roamed across her figure, taking in everything she was.

“Yeah, thought it best to keep her company before someone else tried to snatch her.”

Though feeling slightly uncomfortable by the piercing orbs taking in every little detail, she was grateful Miles didn’t mention he’d found her crying. She gave him a small smile, to which he winked.

“Hm,” Alex finally said, as if making a conclusion to his deductions, “I knew it couldn’t be true. She’s too much of an Arabella to be seen knocking about with the likes of you.”

“Oi!” Miles squeaked in protest, “Aren’t you supposed to be on stage or summat?”

Alex smirked, and quietly wandered off. She only noticed him again when he was standing on the raised platform with an electric guitar in his hands, and he quickly signed them towards an empty table up front.

“Can I ask you something?” she said as they took their seats and a few men joined the musician on stage.

“Anything.”

“What did he mean by ‘Arabella’?”

Miles snorted, “You should feel honoured, really. I rarely ever hear him call a girl that, and if you weren’t wearing that ring, I’m sure he would’ve made it very clear what he meant by it.”

“Oh,” she simply said, feeling her face flush.

 “Arabella's got some interstellar-gator skin boots

And a Helter Skelter 'round her little finger and I ride it endlessly

She's got a Barbarella silver swimsuit

And when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams…”

 “…Are you even listening to me?”

She snapped out of her daze, and met Mark’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, alright? You just have to promise to trust me that it won’t happen again. I know that’s a lot to ask, but I need this right now. Please?”

He sighed deeply, and took a bit to calculate the premise in his mind.

“Alright. I promise. Now can we please go and have brunch? I’m starving.”

Happy 2nd birthday to Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino.

[pog-through-the-suffering]

ive . never made an original post on this blog besides being completely head full of thoughts regarding the dream smp these past months so, 🎉here’s to my first og post

The Traitor!!!

(yeah i know it's already been a day and none of this stuff is new hsjfhj just let me be a drama queen that really likes analysing characters)

can i just say before i get into it that i love the descent into pretty much grey morality for most of the "characters" involved in the smp. like. pretty much nobody is morally correct! other than niki nihachu because niki can do no wrong :) also i'll be referring to the characters... of these people? and not who they are

now, i've got a couple people that i think are traitors and i'll explain them a little further down but here's some things i noted when i was watching the vod that might be interesting owo

dream says, quote, "[you] may have traitors in your ranks" which,

could be a double jebait; he knows there's a traitor but he wants to sound like it's up in the air

there really is no traitor and this is just a ruse to get pogtopia to implode on itself

the traitor still hasn't made up their mind on whether or not they will betray pogtopia

and i think the last one is the most interesting, at least from a semi-meta perspective, to have a traitor that's not fully into the role and doesn't decide until last minute. idk, something about the angst really fuels me :)

either way, here's my predictions on who could be the traitor ranked (more or less) most compelling to least compelling, and i'm not accounting for realism because... this is my tumblr post and i get to pick how i order things :) i'm hiding the (long) analysis in read more because... i just realized how much i have to say and i am Not concise.

tl;dr

tubbo, while unrealistic, makes for an interesting twist and, for angst reasons, would also be cool to write about if he betrays pogtopia

similar to tubbo, tommy betraying is unrealistic, but for angst reasons would also be cool

technoblade is kind of obvious, but the continuity (if he’s the traitor) would make me pretty happy.

wilbur soot would be a little null, since he’s already planning on blowing everything to smithereens either way, but would be another step in his spiral downwards (jeez how far can this guy go) so i’m not mad.

georgenotfound would not be super surprising per say but would continue with his general characterization as an arbiter of chaos (i’ll maybe elaborate in a different post) it would be :)

badlands folks would... not be surprising. they never formally aligned with pogtopia, and aside from sam never really... offered their help? concretely, at least.

fundy already used up his secret traitor card.

same with eret, i love her, but his betrayal wouldn’t be super impactful. plus, they’re more aligned with badlands?

niki nihachu... i said i won’t care about realism but i sincerely cannot in canon imagine this. but if she did... oh the angst would be *chef’s kiss*

hbomb, ponk, purpled, itsalyssa, punz, other people? they never really were involved with this season aside from like,,, maybe helping schlatt hunt down tommy and wilbur right at the beginning. so the betrayal wouldn’t. matter.

tubbo - look, ik i said i don't care about realism, but the chances of this actually happening are... pretty slim. i love tubbo. i support tubbo. but they... like, the confused "no?" when he first came on VC with tommy makes me think it probably won't be him, unless they're really that good at acting. which, i mean, i guess would make for a fantastic surprise. but there's something deeply compelling about this kid, who largely has been relegated to third in command/less important than his friend, and who has been treated like a work horse a lot of the time (being asked to farm netherite for this upcoming war, being forced to decorate what ended up being his fucking funeral, otherwise grinding for shit in the earliest war only for it to get ruined by dteam), fucking snapping. plus, it's not like tubbo hasn't demonstrated his penchance towards chaos. also, i think there's something to be said about the lingering effects of manipulative authority/paternal figures and how that would manifest in tubbo, but that's a post for another day.

tommy - okay, yeah, maybe i just like kids my age popping the fuck off because of terrible parental figures, but shhhhhh. for real though, i think it would be really interesting for the person who up to this point has largely been the moral compass or otherwise the hero of the smp. for him to turn out to have always been as bad as the "villains" he's fighting... i dunno. also, something about him betraying because he's so fucking done with the people who are supposed to protect and lead him? mghhghh. but i like this probably mostly for the pop off factor LOL

technoblade - i mean... this one's a little obvious innit? i'm not mad at this, for sure, because techno's always made it clear he is ultimately here for chaos and anarchy. plus, i'll be able to stew in the dynamics of dream and techno fucking the server up LOL. all that aside, if techno turns out to be the villain i will be happy about the (now) fired chekhov's gun. like, i appreciate the continuity between "schlatt suggests techno is a pogtopia spy when he joins" to "techno admits he's just an anarchist" to techno's accidental or forced, depending on how you read it, betrayal of pogtopia by killing tubbo, and it all culminating in techno's final betrayal. while not the most surprising, it would be narratively fitting. and that's always nice isn't it? when things end with a nice bow on top-

speaking of nice bows on top, wilbur soot! i mean,,, as the man has said himself, there's really nothing more he can do to betray (if not pogtopia) tommy's values. the bitch wants to blow up manberg! and that's super fucking sexy. i love his corruption arc, it's *chef's kiss.* so... is he gonna be the traitor? probably not. but something about being driven to the very brink, that you've got nothing else even after you want to destroy it all that you seek out your former mortal enemy to cause even more pain and destruction... very compelling, very nice.

speaking of brunet british twinks,,, georgenotfound. even if george wasn't really on the smp or never formally betrayed manberg, i think they kind of accepted that he's on their side. and while this wouldn't necessarily a surprising twist, this would continue with dteam's (accidental?) characterization of themselves as arbiters of chaos. maybe i'll write a whole nother post about that, stay tuned :)

any of the badlands people - i mean... i love them. i love what they stand for. but they never really aligned with pogtopia, did they? so one of them, any of them, except maybe sam, would make for a pretty weak sauce twist. like, perhaps with skeppy? and it continuing the trend of enemy between tommy and skeppy? but really the most compelling is sam in that he agreed to help tommy but as a final reveal he doesn't join tommy's side when tommy does whatever with the creeper head.

as for weak sauce twists, fundy being the traitor would be pretty fuckin' weak. i'm sorry! he already used his secret traitor card, and everyone knows, once you've used it once you can never (until the next season) use it again.

other characters on the smp... yeah, i love eret! i love her! he's fucking fantastic! their gay castle? best fucking build! but like i said, already used secret traitor card. plus, she's part of badlands, so i don't think his betrayal would be surprising. and niki nihachu,,, i know i said i wouldn't care about realism, but i honest to god cannot imagine her being the traitor. i guess if she was there'd be some nice angst about her realizing that everything is shit, no matter where you turn, pogtopia's being run by a fanatical JD, manberg's run by a dictatorial senile goat man, badlands isn't even strong enough to have its own territory. so, what can a woman do when she has nothing left to lose? but for real, within canon it just... wouldn't really make sense to me. hbomb hasn't been involved in the plot, punz + ponk + purpled + alyssa + others haven't really been involved in the plot aside from. like chasing down tommy and wilbur that one time.

and... yeah! those are my thoughts :)

[oneyanderegirl]

Your Voice Lingered in These Empty Halls

Genre: One-shot, Angst, Hurt/Comfort Rating: T Sasuhina Month 2020 Theme: Day 2 (Your Voice Lingered in These Empty Halls) 

A/N: Got behind because of work, but here it is! This turned out longer than I thought. Some warnings: mentions of death. 

@sasuhinamonth (in case this does’t show up in the tags)

Hinata woke up in sweat. 

The white blanket that was supposed to cover her had fallen out of the bed and onto the wooden floors. Her bedsheets had been drenched with sweat as well, clinging to her skin. Her hair was a mess. Her dark strands were all over the place making her look like a corpse that had just come to life again. She turned to look at the clock sitting on the nightstand next to her bed.  

3:07 am. 

She groaned in annoyance. 

Hinata knew she would not be able to sleep again for a while, so she decided to leave her bed. She quietly let her legs dangle on the edge before taking a gentle step onto the ground. A sharp chill from the floor stabbed her feet. 

She shivered at its cold touch.  

Still feeling groggy from having been woken up, Hinata sat there for a while looking around the room out of boredom. The room itself was simple. Four white walls with one window that had been covered with white curtains; one small tray table that sat to the right of her bed, which had a cup of water on it; one nightstand that sat to the left with a small lamp and clock on top; lastly, in the corner of the room were three brown chairs. There was also a white privacy curtain that was easily accessible that was found near the nightstand. It was plain to say the least. However, the room held the odor of antiseptics and rubbing alcohol, overpowering whatever fragrance was used in an attempt to mask the smell. Though she had become used to the smell, it still occasionally made her feel dizzy and uncomfortable. 

Hinata really hated hospitals. 

Every once and awhile, she would also examine her own arms and legs, noting all the scars and cuts that had marred itself onto her pale skin. Some were old while some were new, although she couldn’t really tell the difference. There were so many that she had lost count. It was to be expected though; it was just a part of being a shinobi. How many years had it been since she had started training to become one? From the time she was born, it was all she could remember. There was not a day that went by where she wasn’t training. 

Yet now, she wasn’t sure if she could even return to her duties.  

Hinata examined her arms and legs once more before resting both of her hands over her heart. She let out a soft sigh as she felt the stitches on her chest. She could feel the rough material that was used to close the open wound that had exposed her heart. 

They told her it happened during a mission. 

She had been fighting a group of enemies that had ambushed her and her teammates. It was supposed to be a rescue mission, but it turned out to be a trap targeting them. One of them had poisoned her with some sort of cursed jutsu right into her heart. She was on the brink of death by the time the medics had arrived. It was a miracle that she had survived. Unfortunately, they had only barely managed to save her body. She had ended up unconscious for a long time before she had finally woken up less than a week ago.

Hinata could feel the light shine on her eyes as she slowly opened them. She could instantly sense the presence of three bodies nearby. As she woke up, she could see it was her teammates, Kiba and Shino, as well as Ino. When they noticed her movement, the girl threw herself onto Hinata and hugged her very tightly. She noticed that her friend’s pale blonde hair had grown even longer than she had last remembered. Kiba and Shino had also changed as well. Kiba’s brown hair had become more wild while he himself had become more bulky in size. Shino’s dark hair had grown as well, although it was held back by a dark green bandana. Overwhelming her with their cries of joy and relief that she had finally woken up, Hinata could only sit there in confusion. However, they were soon shooed away by the presence of Tsunade, the current Hokage. -----

“ Hinata, I understand you must be feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything right now.. I know this is difficult to take in, but you’ll have everything explained to you as we move forward. Your memory is going to be hazy for a while,” The woman explained.

Hinata stared at her in disbelief. Had she really been asleep for eight months? What did she mean that she was attacked? Did the war not end less than a week ago? She didn’t understand. The current Hokage was Kakashi? The silver hair man that used to be the teacher and leader of team seven? Tsunade was no longer the Hokage but rather the head of the hospital?  

Not only that, but it was Sasuke Uchiha who had saved her?

The last of his clan. The only man with black hair and black eyes that reminded her of obsidian and the midnight sky. The only man with an attitude that felt colder than the chills of winter, and the only one with enough power to match Naruto, the blonde boy who she had a crush on since childhood.

Wasn’t he supposed to have left Konoha already? Why was he still here? What about Neji? She could feel the pain of his death like it was yesterday. She was still in mourning for him. She was supposed to help prepare for his funeral.

Her cousin, protector, mentor, and friend.

The one she had called brother.

The one who had died because of her.

“ It seemed that whatever had poisoned you with the cursed jutsu also made a side effect of memory loss. The most possible situation that we have concluded was that the preparators were most likely trying to erase your memory so that you could be controlled and used as a threat against Konoha, if you didn’t die from the curse first,”

Hinata stared at her own hands. She was still trying to process everything. She could feel the pain in her chest where she had been stabbed. The confusion of everything that she had just learned about overwhelmed her. She could hear her own shallow breathing as she tried to calm herself down.

“ H-how long have I been asleep?” she finally managed to ask.

Tsunade looked at her with a seriousness that Hinata knew was meant to warn her of the bad news.

“ Eight months.”

She had been asleep for eight months.

And within that eight months, the poison had taken away eight years of memory.

Eight years of memory. Hinata was essentially a seventeen year old trapped in a twenty five year old body. She had attempted several times over the past week to regain them with no luck. It frustrated her to no end at how her efforts had been futile. How could she just lose eight years of memory? It was as if she had been set back square one. Every time she tried to recall them, she would go blank as if someone had erased everything and left only an empty canvas in her mind.

Deciding it was time for her to get out of the room, Hinata quietly stepped into the hallway. She looked at the signed plate hanging in the front of her room. It read the numbers seven-zero-nine. The Konoha Hospital was a large one, enough to have seven floors. Her room had been located at the end of the hallway so she decided to take a slow walk to help calm her mind down.

The hallway seemed to stretch endlessly, although she knew it was just because it was still late into the night. There were large windows that allowed for the moon and the stars to shine brightly into the hallway, creating a peaceful scenery. She could hear the rustling of footsteps and chattering amongst the patients and staff coming from the floor below her and the scent of medicine could be inhaled everywhere. Compared to the sixth floor, the seventh floor where she currently resided was empty with an almost eerie silence.

Although Hinata wasn’t surprised.

The seventh floor was where they had treated Sasuke Uchiha after the war had ended. After the man had left Konoha, there were rumors that the spirits of the people he had killed during his rogue years haunted the floor. Many people had refused to stay on the floor and even attempted to run away if they were made to stay. In the end, they decided to make the floor a private space for Sasuke Uchiha to be treated in, if he ever came back. It was also where they kept a lot of emergency supplies since the rumors were enough to dissuade even the criminals that would try to rob them of supplies.

Now she was staying in it.

Although she didn’t mind nor did she believe in the rumors, she questioned why she of all people was allowed to stay here. Then again, she was basing off of what had happened when she was seventeen. Eight years had already passed, things were different now.

She sighed.

Before she knew it, Hinata had found herself in front of a particular room. She looked at the signed plate hanging on top.

Room 700.

The room where Sasuke Uchiha stayed.  

Although eight years had already passed, for Hinata, it was only a few days ago where she had found herself in the very same spot. The pain of her cousin’s death was still very raw to her, but now she found herself feeling a mix of emotions knowing that it was something of the past. She did not feel as painful as when she had first woken up, yet the lingering pain from those memories still kept her up several nights.

Hinata felt her hands grab the doorknob. A small part of her hoped that he would be there. Perhaps this was all just a dream, a nightmare that she would wake up from.

However, when she opened the door, the only greeting she had received was the emptiness of the hospital room.

She felt her body give out as soon as she stepped inside.

Of course he wouldn’t have been there. It had been eight years after all. This wasn’t a dream but rather it was reality. Although they had never spoken much during childhood and after he became rogue, the words he had said to her during his last night here before leaving Konoha again resonated with her. 

Hinata had come on a whim to visit Sasuke.

Perhap it was because he too had lost a brother that she felt like coming here. Everyone else had expressed their condolences and sympathy towards her. Yet all she could feel was mostly pity. None of them seemed to understand the suffering that she was feeling. She wanted to cry and scream at the heartache that she was feeling. Her bitter thoughts still lingered despite the celebrations that the people were already having. Wasn’t it too soon to celebrate? The war had just ended a few days ago, why were people not mourning? Did they not have loved ones that died? Shouldn’t there be a mourning service being prepared? It was unfair. Why was she the only one that seemed to be suffering from the pain of living without a loved one?  

Why was Neji the one who had to die?

She found herself hesitating to knock on his door. She had no reason to come in the first place. She was only driven by a selfish desire to be comforted, something that this man had no reason to be doing. They weren’t friends nor even comrades. They had no past other than the occasional visits between their two clans, although that had long ceased since the Uchiha were wiped out. However, she felt that this was the only place where she could truly mourn without the pitiful eyes from strangers and people she knew staring at her. It wasn’t a rational thought by all means, but Hinata didn’t care at the moment.

“ If you’re going to come in, then just do it already, it’s already late.”  

Surprised that he had felt her presence, Hinata slowly came into the room. He was wrapped in bandages from head to toe. She noticed a bit of blood that still lingered in some places, but overall he seemed fine. As fine as an injured man could be at least.

“ I never expected you, of all people, would come and visit.” He said.

His words held no malice nor its usual coldness. Rather, it sounded tired and detached from the world. Hinata didn’t know how to respond nor what to say. She had come on a whim after all. She could only sit on the floor and bury herself into her hands and knees. Perhaps she too was tired.

Tired of living that is.

“D-do you think I’m being s-silly right now?” She suddenly asked.

Rather than saying anything, Sasuke stared out the window to look at the moon. It was to be expected though. He didn’t have an idea of what she was even talking about. He must have thought she was crazy at this point.

“ A-ah...Sorry. I know I sound a little strange right now. I apologize for disturbing you. I just had a lot on my mind lately. I’m sure you’ve heard that my...cousin had died.” Hinata tried to explain.

“ I know. I heard.”

This was very irritational of her. To seek comfort from the man that had once sought to destroy her very home was indeed out of character for her. They were at most acquaintances, though more like strangers at this point. They haven’t spoken to each other in years. She had only heard about him through his former teammates. It wasn’t as if he had an obligation to do anything with her. She was a lunatic. A lunatic that was trying to talk with a stranger for some comfort.  

Yet, Hinata felt that out of everyone she knew, it was Sasuke Uchiha who would understand her the most at the moment. The bitterness over other people’s happiness, the regrets of not being able to save one of the most important people she loved, and the guilt of being alive instead of facing death plagued her mind and shook her very soul. She felt that he was the only one who understood those feelings and that was why she had decided to do what she did.

Hinata stared at her own hands as they gripped her pants in frustration and pain. She just couldn’t get over the fact that Neji was dead. He had a future. They were supposed to progress the Hyugas forward. They were supposed to break down traditions and start anew.

They were supposed to change the future together.

“ How do you deal with the pain of losing a loved one?” She quietly asked.

Sasuke kept staring out the window for what felt like an eternity before turning to face her. Although she kept her eyes on her hands, she could feel his aura as she felt his gaze. It made her feel small and insignificant. She wondered if he was angry at her for asking. Afterall, how could the death of one person compare to the death of an entire clan?

“ We move forward. We have to live. We have to strive to protect them. If we can’t protect their physical bodies, then the least we can do is protect their ideals. It doesn’t matter how much you cry or suffer, you have to live anyways. If you don’t, then it just means their deaths were in vain. Don’t waste the life they gave you.”

Hinata looked at Sasuke in surprise. She wasn’t expecting him to say so much to her. But she felt a sense of relief, as if a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. They weren’t words of sympathy or pity. There were no apologies nor were there empty condolences within the words he had spoken.

They were words from a person who understood her pain.

For the first time ever since the war ended, Hinata cried.

She cried for Neji. She cried and cried until there were no tears left. When the last of her tears were wiped, Hinata knew it was time for her to go. Her voice felt hoarse from the crying, so she instead opted to bow to Sasuke instead. However, just before she stepped out the door, Hinata heard the Uchiha call out to her.

The moment her pale grey eyes met his dark ones, she felt a sense of mutual understanding between them. An unspoken connection that she had never felt before.

“ You’re not silly for feeling what you feel. Remember that.”

Hinata could only give him a slight smile before leaving.

“ Thank you, Sasuke-kun.” She softly whispered.  

It was already four am. It was time for her to head back to her room. Closing the door behind her, Hinata walked through the hallway once more. The hallway was still empty, yet his words kept echoing in her mind. Although it was a memory from long ago, she recalled it as if it had happened yesterday.

Well in truth, for her, it did just happen a bit ago. She may not have been able to recall the past eight years, but she was glad this memory was still intact. It gave her the reassurance that she desperately needed. And although she was uncertain what the future would hold, his words were enough for now.

We move forward.  

We have to live.

When she finally reached her bed, Hinata collapsed in exhaustion. As sleep finally took her, she recalled Sasuke’s words one last time before finally succumbing to sleep. As his words made its way into her mind, she couldn’t help but feel a new emotion surface its way into her heart. An unfamiliar emotion that she never thought she would feel yet it felt too familiar at the same time.

Yearning.

She was yearning to see Sasuke Uchiha again.

[khiphop-stories]

Christian Yu - Stuck Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2

“Scott, you need to help me!” You grabbed him by his shoulders and aggressively shook him. “I can’t stop thinking about him! I thought I would get closure if I saw him one last time. But I just can’t stop thinking about him!” You ran your fingers through your hair in frustration and let out a groan. Ever since your dinner with Christian a couple days ago, your mind was occupied with thoughts of him. You caught yourself wondering about different scenarios of what could have been, if you had never broken up. 

“What is wrong with me?” You whined out loud stomping your feet onto the ground. You shut your eyes close, trying to think about something else. Something that had nothing to do with Christian. You were so sure that you had moved on. You finally met someone whom you really liked and you believed you were ready to be in a relationship again, yet one simple encounter with Christian, shook up your whole word.

“I think you already know,” Scott suddenly looked at you with a serious expression planted on his face. You weren’t used to get such a grave look from him and it only made everything even more confusing. 

“You think I’m still in love with him,” you concluded. 

To your surprise Scott shook his head gently, as he spoke to you his tone changed from serious to gentle and soothing. “No, I think, you think you’re still in love with him.“

“What’s that supposed to mean?“ You brows furrowed as your mouth turned grim. You looked at him as though he had just given you a difficult riddle to solve. “I think you’re in love with the memories of him.“

“I don’t really understand,“ you shook your head at him, still utterly confused.

“The person that you’re in love with is just a memory. Now he is someone else, as are you, because if you had remained the same, you would still be together.”

You stared at him silently, the words he had just uttered lingering in the air. You wondered to which extent his words were true. What if whatever you were feeling right now was just the result of nostalgia? If you were going to be honest with yourself, you probably knew that Scott was right. You were in love with a version of him that didn’t exist anymore and you missed the person you once were when you were with him. A version of you that you had outgrown and discarded. You missed the way he made you feel - the familiarity, the intimacy and those strong, beautiful memories clouded your entire mind and thoughts, preventing you from moving on. “It is always easier to go back to what we know than to jump into the unknown.”

“I hate it when you’re right,” you muttered under your breath as you finally admitted to yourself that it was the best to let go of those memories. You had your heart broken by Christian once and you barely survived it. You couldn’t let that happen again.

~*~

[Time leap]

As you stood in the doorway of the club the coloured lights from inside streamed out into the darkness of the night until the door swung shut. You left the stuffy club and took a few steps, before you turned your back to the wall, leaning against it. The fresh, cold spring air filled your lungs as you rummaged your bag for your phone. When you felt the rectangular device between your fingers you fished it out and dialled Scott’s number. You were too wasted to find your way home by yourself and you didn’t have enough cash to call a taxi. Your friends were still having fun inside of the club, so you didn’t want to bother them either. It was one of your friend’s birthday after all. That’s why you decided to call Scott since he had also made you pick up his drunk ass multiple times. You had called him around five times, but he didn’t pick up. You were on the brink of losing your patience when you finally heard the click on the other line, signalling your call had been accepted. “Scooootty,” you called his name in a sing-song voice, sounding a tidbit too enthusiastic. “Can you pick me up? Pleaseee? I’m at Soap in Itaewon,” you told him your whereabouts.

“I’m n—“

“Oh c’mon, Scott!” You didn’t let him finish, thinking he wanted to decline your request. You knew he must have been in the studio with the DPR guys around this time which wasn’t far away from where you were at and considering how many times you drove to the other side of the city to pick him up, he could at least return the favor. “It’s cold, I don’t have any cash and I’m really, really wasted if you haven’t noticed that by now,” you tried to guilt trip him into picking you up. “Aaand…” You were about to bait him with free lunch when the line suddenly got cut off. “What the fuck,” you cursed under your breath. You put your phone down, staring at the screen which was pitch black. That’s when you realized it wasn’t Scott who had hung up on you, but it was your phone battery that had just died. “Fuck,” you grunted. Now you were drunk, out of cash and without a phone. You had no other choice but to trust Scott’s conscience and wait for him to come pick you up. But standing was not an option. Your legs felt too weak and the buildings around you swayed like you were inside a fun house mirror illusion. The high heels you were wearing didn’t help with keeping your balance either. You scanned your surroundings, looking for a place where you could sit down, rest and wait for Scott. Then you remembered the emergency stair case right outside of the club and that’s where you went. You wondered wether he would be able to find you here, since you were a bit further away from the entrance. Come to think of it, you didn’t even tell him where you would be waiting for him. Your mind really was in a frenzy from your consumption of alcohol. Here comes the regret, you thought as you shook your head at yourself. You never really could handle much alcohol that’s why you rarely drank. You always felt rather embarrassed at how quickly your cheeks become rosy once alcohol entered your system, you would feel wasted before the party even started. But you made an exception today since it was a friend’s birthday which had proven itself to be a very bad idea.

~*~

[Time leap] 

“Christian?“ Your eyes and your mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise. Not believing the image in front of you, you rubbed your eyes. What was wrong with you? Did you miss him so much that you had mistaken Scott for Christian? Was your heart longing for him so much that you were even hallucinating now?

You opened your eyes again as you were trying to think of a feasible excuse for why you had just called out Christian’s name. But still, the person in front of you was not Scott.

“Huh…I must be going crazy to think that you’re Christian…“ you whispered to yourself, as you shook your head. 

“Are you that drunk?“ You could hear him chuckle in amusement. He kneeled down and inspected your face closely. „I am Christian.“

You looked at him again and now that his face was only inches apart from you own, you could see him clearly. The curly strand of hair that hung in his face, his mesmerising brown eyes, the piercing on his nose and his pinkish lips. Oh, how much you had missed the taste of his soft lips.

“I tried to tell you on the phone, but you didn’t let me speak. Scott was in a meeting. He still is. His phone was lying on the table in the office. Since you were calling repeatedly, I thought it must have been something important. That’s why I took the call,“ he began to explain to you. He talked slowly, giving you time to process the newly received information. “Sorry, I’m not the one you wanted to see,” he added while scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “Actually you are,“ you blurted out, much to his and your own surprise. You cursed at yourself for letting those words leave your mouth. It was one of your drinking habits; alcohol made you be brutally honest, too honest for your own good. You bit down on your lips, praying to God that Christian wouldn’t comment on your little slip.

“What did you just say?“ 

“I don’t know. My mind is spinning…and…I’m thirsty,” you hurriedly tried to change the direction of the conversation.

“I don’t have any water with me, but there’s a convenience store at the end of the street. Wanna go there?“ You nodded your head silently, your lips pressed together, preventing yourself from saying anything stupid. You didn’t trust yourself right now, so you decided to speak as little as possible. You pushed yourself up from the stairs, his eyes following every of your movement with concern.

“Do you need help?“ He asked you gently. “I can walk by myself. I’m not stupid,“ you declined his help as you were too proud to accept it. It was embarrassing enough that he found you in a state like this. You hated it when he was patronizing you.

You toppled down the step onto the street. Christian’s reflexes were quick, he caught you before your face could hit the ground. You turned your head away from him as you mumbled curses under your breath. You knew Christian would make a snarky remark now. He had seen your drunken self countless of times, so it was easy for him to predict what would happen next, yet you tried to prove him wrong. In the end, he won like he always did and just like he always did, he would rub in under your nose again this time. 

“A black eye doesn’t suit your pretty face. Don’t go and destroy it.“ You gave him a brief glare, nonetheless still accepted his help. You had no other choice if you didn’t want a broken arm or leg when you woke up the next morning. He gave you his arm as support as the two of you walked down the street. The convenience store wasn't far, you could see even see it from here, but as you were walking with Christian in a sudden silence that followed, it felt like walking on an endless path. Instead of coming closer, it felt like the convenience store was moving further away with every step you took.

When you finally arrived in what felt like half an eternity, Christian gently sat you down on one of the chairs in front of the store. “I’ll get you a bottle water. Wait here.“

~*~

Christian opened the cap of the bottle and handed you the water. He took one of the plastic chairs and sat down next to you. You gulped down half of the bottle, before you turned your attention back to him. You saw a white plastic bag which he had probably put down on the table just now. You were sure it hadn’t been there when you first arrived. “What’s that?“ You nodded towards the object on the small table. He grabbed the bag and pulled its content out. It was a bag of tortilla chips — your favorite brand.

“Thought you might be hungry,” he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, his lips curled upwards. It was just a simple smile, but it made your heart race. You stared at him speechless, your thoughts heading towards dangerous places. What is a mere coincidence or did he remember that it was your go-to snack whenever you were drunk?

You pulled the jacket that was around your body closer, quickly shaking your head to empty your mind. You said a simple ‘thanks’ as you took the package into your possession. It was all you managed to say. You were afraid that if you opened your mouth for a little longer than a second, you might say something you would regret again.

“Why didn’t you ask your boyfriend to come pick you up?“ Christian then asked out of the blue. You weren’t quite sure, whether he was simply trying to do small talk or whether he had other motives in mind. 

“I don’t want him to see me like this. It’s too embarrassing. Plus, the chances that I might puke on him are too high,” you chuckled, a trace of embarrassment could be heard in your voice. “You were fine puking on me though,” he pointed out matter-of-factly. 

“You made me puke, because you drove like you were being tailed.“

“Point taken.” His soft laughter filled your ears, making you realize how much you had actually missed that sound. “But if he’s your boyfriend, he’ll see far worse.“ “We’re still in the phase of getting to know each other, I can’t scare him away with my drunken antics yet,” you mumbled as you took another handful of tortilla chips into your mouth. “If he loves you, there’s nothing that can scare him away.“ “Well, he doesn’t love me yet. And it’s only natural that you want the person you like to see your good sides only. You were no exception, Christian.“ “What do you mean?“ He knitted his brows at you.

“It was the same with you. I let you see only my good sides and when you were in it deep, I let you see my crazy.“

“Hmm,” he grunted. “I remember it differently.“

You turned your head to him, directing your full attention on him as you stared at him with questioning eyes, eyes that were demanding him to elaborate. “I knew you were holding back, hiding yourself, trying your best to appear perfect. I thought you didn’t trust me enough to show me who you really are. It made me want to break down all your walls. I wanted to get to know you, all of you and I loved all of you.“

“That’s such a lie, Ian,“ you scoffed as you rolled your eyes at him. “You broke up with me, so there clearly was something that was bothering you.” “No, it was never you, I—“

„It’s not you, it’s me. Very classy,“ you quoted the notorious break up line, your sarcasm barely concealed. You didn’t believe a word he was saying. It was a mutual break up, at least that how it appeared to everyone else. But the only reason why you even contemplated a break up was because you knew he wasn’t happy in this relationship anymore and you didn’t want him to resent you for things he thought he missed out on.

“I’m serious,“ his eyes rested on you, not blinking. “I was stupid and selfish. I thought being with you would distract me from pursing my dreams and goals. I wasn’t ready to put my needs behind yours.“ He moved closer with those eyes that looked so deeply into your own.

You wanted to break away from his gaze, scared he might see into your soul and find the emotions you were trying so hard to bury away. But you couldn’t move your eyes away from him. It was as though you were frozen.

“I never wanted for you to put your needs behind mine. I wanted to be there with you when you achieved everything you had dreamed of. I wanted to take this journey with you, but it’s not what you wanted.“ “I didn’t know what I wanted back then. I treated you horribly, took you for granted, broke promises, stood you up and blindly chased my goals without minding anything else. Things got difficult and I chose the easy way out, because I was selfish and a coward…and here I am doing it again,” he lowered his eyes as he laughed - a quiet, one-syllable laugh filled with bitterness.

“Doing what?” “Being selfish. You’re in a relationship, but here I am telling you all those things, knowing they will confuse you. I should just let you go, keep my feelings to myself, but I can’t…I just can’t because…because I still love you. I never stopped. Even now I need you and I want to be the one who makes you happy.”

“Ian…“ You called his name sharply which sounded like a warning, prompting him not to say anything further. “I lied. Scott’s not in a meeting. He was in the restroom. I didn’t tell him that you called. I came here by myself because I wanted to see you.”

“...I-I don’t what to say…“ you stuttered in reply. Your mind was blank overwhelmed by this new piece of information. The anxiety felt disturbingly familiar. It was like stepping back in time. You felt in itch in your heart, but you ignored it. You were afraid of what might come leaking out when you acknowledged it.

“You don’t have to. I just needed to get it out of my system. Because I know I would beat myself up, if I hadn’t at least tried.“

“I have a boyfriend,” you said out loud, your voice sounding more threatening and sharp than you had intended. You weren’t sure whom it was directed to, was it to remind Christian that he was crossing a line, or was it a reminder to yourself, that you were on the verge of betraying someone who trusted you. “I know. I thought I could be happy for you because it’s what you deserve. I thought I could let you go, because that’s the right thing to do…but I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Ian, I just downed a dozen of shots, my head is throbbing, and everything is spinning around me right now. This is really not the time to be having a conversation like this.” It was an excuse to run away from this conversation. You had sobered up by now. You had heard him loud and clear and you understood everything he said, but you weren’t ready to deal with this.

“Sorry, I just saw a chance and decided to take it.”

“I think you should go.”

“I can’t leave. You’re drunk. You called Scott for a reason,” he protested. “Yeah, I called Scott, not you, Christian.” You shot him a glare, but the tender expression planted on his face, made you weak. It made your eyes soften. Your hand was reaching for him before you realized what you were doing. The feeling of his warm skin under you fingertips felt so familiar. Christian gently shut his eyes close as he rested his face in your hand. He lifted his arm and wrapped his hand around your own. His touch was warm and gentle, it made your skin tingle. He opened his eyes again and you met his penetrating gaze. You were frozen for maybe three whole seconds, caught in his brown eyes. You felt a rush of emotions. His eyes slowly flickered down to your lips. You knew what he was about to do next. You knew, yet you didn’t stop him. You couldn’t stop him, because you wanted it as much as he did. His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips came closer and closer to yours. Your eyelids fell close, his scent was flooding your senses and then you felt his soft lips on your own. When he kissed you your brain lit on fire and the warmth spread throughout your entire body.

Surprise, surprise! I found this draft while I was cleaning my laptop, so I decided to edit it quickly and post it. I know y’all have been patiently waiting for the third part of this series. I hope you guys like it and I’m sorry I haven’t been so active this year. This is my last present for you guys before the year ends! Don’t forget to comment! Feedback is always appreciated! :)

[enchantedlokii]

If You Were Here

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: mentions of death, implied/referenced alcoholism, depression, implied/referenced suicidal tendencies, language

Characters: Thor Odinson, Loki Odinson, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, James Rhodes, Stephen Strange, Wong, Peter Quill, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, Groot, Mantis, Nebula, Bruce Banner

Mentioned: Thanos, Scott Lang, Amora, Eitri, Frigga, Odin, Vision, Heimdall, Brunnhilde, Korg, Miek, Jane Foster, Hela Odindottir

Thor sat on a rock, glancing around at everyone around him. Now that the battle was over, those who had lost their friends and family finally had the chance to reunite. He saw Steve with Sam and — what was his name again? Bucky? They never really met, but Steve had mentioned him from time to time. Clint, Natasha, and Wanda were standing nearby, Clint talking on his phone with a small smile on his face.

A little farther away the young boy — he called himself Spider-Man? He looked far too young to be called a man, but Thor wasn’t going to judge. — was talking excitedly in front of Tony, Pepper, and Rhodey. Dr. Strange was watching nearby with a small smile, a short, round man standing next to him.

The Guardians were crowded a few feet from them, laughing at a joke or some funny story. Rocket had said that Thor could come with them when they leave Midgard, but he wasn’t so sure he would join them yet. He knew that they were already a family. While him and Rocket had become good friends since the Snap, he didn’t want to intrude.

Thor felt something hit the back of his head and let out a growl, bringing his hand up to rub it. From the dust, he guessed it must have been a rock. A surge of anger flowed through him, because who would dare throw something at him while he was mourning? Couldn’t they see that he wasn’t in the mood to jest right now?

He picked up Stormbreaker and started to stand, turning to face whoever had bothered him. He didn’t realize that everyone around him had fallen silent. Maybe if he had, he would have realized who his provoker was sooner. Instead, he didn’t realize until he saw long, black hair. His eyes widened at the sight and he dropped his weapon. “Loki?”

“Hello, Brother.” Loki looked the same as he had on the Statesman. Down to the fact that his skin was pale and bloody and his eyes shone with pain. His hair was messy and knotted and his clothes were dirty. “I’m here.”

Thor looked him over for a moment before running forward and wrapping around him tightly. He noticed his brother flinch a bit, grunting with pain, but he still relaxed slightly, letting his own arms wrap around Thor hesitantly. “I thought you were dead.”

“I, um, I was. Seriously this time.” Thor pulled him away to look at him. He remembered watching his brother die. He had watched Thanos snap his neck. He had said there was no resurrections this time. He was really dead. “You know I’m telling the truth, Thor.”

“I don’t understand. . .”

“Maybe I can help with that.” The two looked up to see Dr. Strange coming closer. “He speaks the truth. I came after the Statesman exploded. I still had the Time Stone at the time, and was able to use it to reverse his death.”

“Hold up, hold up.” A new voice cut in. Bruce — BruceHulk? — was coming from where he had been helping Scott with the Quantum Portal. He looked shocked and slightly offended as he glared at Dr. Strange. “You acted like you didn’t know who Thanos was.”

“I had to do what I had to do.”

“Can someone please explain what is going on here?” Loki asked, looking from Thor, to Bruce, then to Stephen. “All the sorcerer told me was I was needed for another time. I am extremely confused.”

“I still find it ironic you call me a sorcerer when you once learned from an apprentice sorceress,” Stephen grunted, smirking as Loki’s eyes widened with surprise. “Yes, I know about her. I know everything.”

“We don’t speak of Amora,” Thor murmured, noticing the hurt look in Loki’s eyes. “Come, Brother, let’s go somewhere private and I will explain all that has happened.”

Thor summoned Stormbreaker again and Loki gave him a look of confusion. “Where did that come from?”

“Eitri,” Thor shrugged, raising the axe and watching the amazement in Loki’s eyes as the Bifrost appeared. He seemed almost dizzy as they reappeared in Norway, not far from New Asgard. He swayed a bit an Thor grabbed his arm to steady him. “You okay?”

“Just give me a second,” Loki huffed, leaning against Thor slightly. “Apologies, it’s only been a few minutes since this fight for me.”

“Sit down,” Thor insisted, lowering his brother to sit on a rock. Loki didn’t protest. He sat down and slowly let go of Thor. “Do you need anything? We’re not far from New Asgard.”

“New Asgard?” Loki murmured, raising an eyebrow. Thor took the moment to switch to more comfortable clothes and saw Loki’s eyes widen again at his appearance. He looked in his eyes and must have noticed the distant look that always haunted his eyes now. “Brother. . . You’re not okay, are you?”

“Not now, Loki,” Thor sighed, shaking his head. “You’re hurt. You’re basically half-dead right now. You were dead. We’re going to take care of you first.”

“No, Thor.” Loki stood, still a bit shaky, and looked his brother in the eyes. For a moment he was silent, but Thor could tell that he was on the brink of losing his temper. “Thor, I know that d*mn look and I’m not going to let it slide. I am not going to live on a planet that hates my existence without my f*cking brother.”

Thor was surprised to see tears starting to shine in Loki’s eyes. He had seen them there many times before, but it was never for him. He never thought that Loki could cry for him. “I’m here, lillebror,” Thor told him softly. He held out an arm and let Loki fall against his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Loki balled up a fist and weakly hit Thor’s chest. “I know that look,” Loki cried. “I know that look, storebror. Please. You’re hurting. I know. I can see it.”

“Loki, look at me.” Loki pulled away and looked at him. “You’re right. I’m not okay. I am hurting. But you have to listen to why before you freak out on me, okay? Let’s sit down and talk.”

Thor waited for Loki to nod before leading him back to the rock and sitting next to him. Memories of them talking like this when they were younger flooded his memories. There was a time that whenever either of them were upset, they would sit and talk it out. It was something Frigga encouraged, and it usually did help. But that stopped after what Odin saw in the Godseye Mirror.

“After. . . After what happened on the Statesman, I went to Eitri to craft Stormbreaker,” he started. He might as well get the whole story out of the way while Loki was listening to him. “Thanos was heading to Earth to take the Time Stone and the Mind Stone, and I knew that I needed to get to Midgard to help Bruce and the others. I got there in time. I was relieved. Vision was still fighting. Thanos wasn’t there yet. . . But he ended up taking the Stone anyway. He had it. He had all of them. And I stabbed him with Stormbreaker, but it didn’t kill him. He used the Stones. He wiped out half of all creatures. Told me I should have gone for the head.”

Thor felt a hand on his knee and sighed, closing his eyes. “I felt like I had failed. I was meant to avenge you and Heimdall and all the Asgardians he killed that day, but I failed. Not only that, but it was my fault that humanity was destroyed.”

“Thor. . .”

Thor shook his head. “We went back and found him. He had used the Stones again, and we thought that now that we were all together. . . All of us that were left, anyway. . . We thought we could overpower him and use the Stones to bring everyone back.”

“He destroyed them,” Loki murmured. Thor nodded, glancing over at him. He had forgot that his brother worked for Thanos at one point.

“He destroyed them,” Thor confirmed. “I. . . And I killed him. I killed him even though it meant nothing. Because everyone that I loved was gone.

“Val and Korg and Miek. . . They helped me set up New Asgard here, but it wasn’t enough. I locked myself away. They were the only ones who were allowed to see me unless I came out for supplies.”

“Supplies?” Loki questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Alcohol. Food. . . That was about it,” Thor admitted. “Spent most of the day playing Fortnite with Korg and Miek. I just kept drinking, hoping that I would finally reach my limit, but it never happened. Five years and it never happened.”

“Hold up — five years?!” Loki asked. “It’s been five years?”

Thor nodded slowly. “About a month or so ago, Bruce and Rabbit came and found me. Told me they thought they had found a way to bring everyone back. I didn’t feel like I should come back with them. I. . . I didn’t feel like I should be considered an Avenger anymore, but they convinced me to come back.”

“And how, exactly, did you bring everyone back?” Loki asked. “The Infinity Stones are gone. That shouldn’t be possible.”

“Stark figures out time travel,” Thor shrugged. He saw Loki’s eyes widen a bit. “We split up and went to collect the Stones from different times. Rabbit and I. . . We traveled to Asgard. When the Aether was in Jane.”

Loki thought for a minute, and Thor guessed he was trying to place the time in his mind. Then a dark look clouded his eyes. “That would have been when I was imprisoned,” he murmured.

Thor nodded sadly. “I. . . It was the day mother died,” he admitted, lowering his head to his hands. “I spoke to her. I tried to hide, but you know there’s no hiding from mother. She told me to leave the sneaking to you.”

Thor smiled over at Loki and saw him return it sadly. “I wanted to warn her, but she told me that I was there to fix my future, not save hers. I. . . I think she knew she was going to die, Loki.”

“She visited me earlier that day,” Loki said quietly, his voice sad. Thor looked over at him again, curious. Their mother was not meant to visit Loki. No one was meant to. “The last thing I told her was that she wasn’t my mother.”

“I’m sure she knows you didn’t mean that,” Thor assured him. “She knows everything.”

Loki chuckled, the laugh wet from the tears that were gathering in his eyes. “Odin said that she would be proud of me,” he recalled. Thor remembered their father saying this after they found him in this spot. Loki had cast a spell on him that took him years to break. “I don’t know how she could be, though. I was never the son she wanted me to be.”

“She loved you, Loki,” Thor pressed. “And I believe she would be proud. Maybe you weren’t perfect, but neither was I. What matters is that we learn from our mistakes. That’s what she always said, remember?”

“Yeah. . . Yeah, I remember. I just. . .” Loki trailed off, glancing out at the water. “I fulfilled the prophecy.”

Thor realized what he meant immediately. He remembered the feast. He remembered the terror on Odin’s face. He remembered finding Loki listening to his and Frigga’s conversation through a goblet. He had immediately known that it was Loki that Odin had seen in the vision. Of course it was Loki. He was the secret sorcerer. The god of mischief.

They always knew that Loki would bring Ragnarok to Asgard, but something about it seemed off to Thor. “I don’t think that the prophecy was what Odin thought it to be,” Thor told him.

“The Godseye Mirror was never wrong, storebror,” Loki muttered. He was looking at his hands, and Thor guessed he was remembering how he and Amora broke the mirror trying to see the vision that was given to Odin.

“But Father was many times.”

Loki’s eyebrows knitted together as he thought. Thor saw the change immediately as Loki realized what he meant. “You think Odin was confused?”

“Odin saw one of his children leading an army of the dead,” Thor reminded him. “You didn’t do that, Hela did.”

“He saw one of his sons, Thor. Not just one of his children,” Loki reminded him.

“He thought he did,” Thor countered. “No offense, but you and Hela resemble each other quite a bit. If I didn’t know better, I would think I was the adopted one. Perhaps he saw her and thought it was you.”

There was a flicker of hope and desperation in Loki’s eyes. Thor smiled at it, letting his muscles relax as he saw the change in his expression. “That. . . That actually makes sense.”

Thor nodded in agreement, standing up. At first he just stared out at the water, then he turned and reached out a hand to help Loki up. “Let’s go into the city and have your wounds checked. Then you can rest,” Thor insisted. “You have living quarters in my home place.”

Loki froze, his face reflecting a mixture of emotions that Thor didn’t automatically recognize. For a moment he was worried his brother might deny the request, but when he spoke, his voice shook with emotion. “You have a room for me? Even. . . Even though you thought I was dead.”

“Of course,” Thor smiled weakly. “I. . . I wanted you to have a place if you ever came back. I thought I knew it was final this time, but I couldn’t push past the thought that it might have not been. And I’m glad now that I listened to myself.”

Loki looked lost for words. He looked around, his eyes darting here and there as he processed what Thor was saying. Then, before Thor understood what was happening, he felt arms wrap around him and a face pressed into his shoulder. Loki was hugging him. “Thank you, Brother.”

Thor returned the hug tightly, lowering his head until his face was in Loki’s tangled hair. “Of course,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“I. . . I love you too, Thor,” Loki breathed. Thor couldn’t remember the last time he heard his brother say that. It must have been before he was cast out of Asgard so many years ago. “Always, more than anyone else.”