#look if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
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Well well well, if this isn't the consequence of my own actions, haunting me
Tumblr has voted.
So, here it is. Follow along for one hell of a weird story.
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✨In another life, Chapter 2✨
masterlist | requests? | ao3 | kink encyclopedia |
summary: You wake at the beach after attending your friends birthday party last night and realize, you have a tadpole in your head. Welcome to Faerûn!
author's note: Drastic rewrite of Chapter One to fit the Tumblr voted narrative.
darling tags @waterdeepwife @worfs-glorious-hair @dekariosclan @astarioffsimpmain @swordsbardkat @sweetgemberry @jeneralmischief (Let me know if you want to be on/off this list)
content warning: Spoilers. All of them.
word count: 2,4k
Song recommandation: Asking Alexandria - Nothing Left
AO3 Link
divider by @sweetmelodygraphics
“I…” You start but your voice trails off. Your mouth is too dry, your tongue too heavy and sitting up so quickly has made your head somewhat dizzy.
You blink several times, trying to steady your vision, but the sand beneath your shoes remains hazy.
Shoes. You glance down, only now registering that you're wearing your Doc Martens, paired with black skinny jeans.
Huh. You could have sworn to have undressed last night, before dropping into bed.
“I am not sure,” you manage at last, lifting your gaze again. You blink rapidly, opening and closing your eyes in quick succession.
Nope. Nobody is glitching or moving or hovering or any other strange thing they could be doing.
They are not dropping out of existence; your bedroom does not materialize around you in some surreal twist of logic.
They are just standing there, eyeing you.
And they are more stunning than you could have ever imagined. Not the pixelated versions of imaginary people – videogame characters - you have come to care, fantasize about.
They are real. Alive. Breathing. Staring.
Your eyes dart back to the man who introduced himself as Gale.
He might be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life.
Admittedly, you have read your fair share of smut written about him. About all of them. It’s your masturbation company and inspiration after all.
Thank fuck for AO3.
You’ve pored over screenshots, watched animations, dissected every subtle shift in their expressions through content creators’ videos. But none of it has ever come close to the sheer presence of him crouching before you now.
He frowns, a crease forming between his brows. You remember reading about that line, the one that deepens when he’s lost in thought or troubled and you nearly break into laughter, as you notice it.
His eyes aren’t as dark as you had imagined. They are a warm, gentle brown, lacking the deep, unreadable mystery you had expected. The lines curling up his neck and toward his eye are more gray than blue. The orb at his chest, less concealed than you remember.
Huh. Interesting.
Your mind spins, but you push through the haze, focusing on what’s in front of you. Ir rather, who is in front of you.
They are stunning and achingly familiar. The creeping, suffocating sense of recognition claws at the edges of your mind, fighting against the impossibility of it all.
The toned muscles of Lae’zel’s arms nearly make you afraid. She is breathtaking, in her own, harsh way.
Wyll’s scars are softer than you expected, less defined, more a quiet accent to his already striking face. His red eye catches the light. The sending stone looks more like a piece of polished wood than anything arcane. His smile, is warm and sincere.
Shadowheart is…. She is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen. That first impression does not falter. If anything, it solidifies the longer you look at her.
Astarion clears his throat, his arms crossed, and when your gaze finally flicks to him, there is a faint glow behind his crimson eyes that is both unnerving and oddly familiar. The smile playing on his lips is somewhere between amusement and disdain, and you know — you know — that if you let him, he will tear you apart with words sharper than his fangs.
And Gale.
He’s beautiful. Nearly too beautiful, if such a thing exists in Faerûn. Not the pixel-perfect Gale you have seen through your monitor, but something far more real.
You realize they are waiting for you to speak.
“But I am a little dizzy. And my head hurts,” you mumble.
The words feel slow, syrupy as they leave your mouth.
“As presumed, yes. Do you feel a sharp pain at the back of your neck?”
Wyll taps a bottle against Gale’s arm, he takes it with a nod and removes the cork, before offering it to you.
“I do,” you manage as you take the bottle. “Thank you.”
“Sadly, it is to be expected result after the insertion of a mind flayer tadpole. You can drink this; it is not poisoned.”
You had started to lift the bottle to your mouth but let it sink again.
“Nice of you to point that out before I drink,” you mutter way harder than intended and Astarion snorts.
You grin at him before you take a sip. The water is cold and tastes vaguely off metal. It seems to be clear enough though.
It helps. At least a little.
The world remains a mess of sound and light and confusion, but your thoughts begin to steady.
While you drink in slow sips, you look around.
It’s all here. The burning nautiloid. The dead man lying under one nautiloid tendrils, curled over two broken rocks.
The Chionthar to your right.
Why are they all here, though? If Wyll is recruited, have they already been to the Grove?
You decide not to care for the moment.
One step at a time.
Headache. Water. Standing up.
Handing the bottle back to Gale with a quick thanks, you stand up. He rises with you, steadying your arm when you knees wobble.
Your body finally reacts to the shock of all this; the overwhelming impossibility, the absurdity of standing among them. Your stomach churns, your throat tightens, and before you can stop it, you throw up.
It hits Gale’s robe and boots in an unforgiving spray of bile.
You stagger, coughing, bracing your hands on your knees, utterly mortified.
“I am… sorry,” you manage, voice hoarse.
Gale takes a startled step back, then calmly casts a cantrip, cleaning himself with a flick of his wrist.
The spell catches your eye, despite still retching. You can see the air rippling around him. For the fraction of a second, he is glowing.
“Happens to the best of us,” he offers gracefully. “We have a camp set up nearby. Would you care to accompany us?"
You turn around, still coughing, wiping your mouth, wildly gesturing at him.
“Do that again,” you order while you try to steady yourself. Your knees are still weak and your stomach hurts from cramping. “Please.”
His head tilts slightly. “You are speaking of the cleaning cantrip, I presume.”
You only nod, shifting your feet to regain solid grounding as you try to stand up. Your head still threatens to burst but you cannot deny the fascination.
"This is all terribly quaint and cozy, truly. But might we head back? The sun is setting, and we really ought to start considering... dinner."
You ignore him, focussing on Gale. He is amused and somewhat charmed by your interest.
He flicks his wrist again and there it is. A faint glow around him, a halo, the way you always thought an actual aura would look like. Cloaking him in a soft glow, not purple, not blue, something in between, clinging to his silhouette. It only stays for a brief moment but you are certain, you have been sensing, for the first time in your life, what magic looks like.
“Can you do it again?”
He chuckles. “Although it comes to a surprise even for myself, I agree with Astarion. Accompany us. You do not… quite offer the impression of someone stable enough to travel alone.”
“I will be fine.” You blink as you carefully rise. You are still afraid your head might explode but that might be due to the tadpole. There is something in your head that is not supposed to be there, after all.
Or possibly the travel through time and space. Have you travelled through time though? There is no way of knowing, really.
Or the fact that you could turn into a mindflayer.
Or the fact that Gale fucking Dekarios just cleaned your vomit of his robe with an actual cantrip.
How the hell did you – of all people - end up in Faerûn?
You follow them to their camp. The fire is lit with a firebolt casually cast by Gale and you watch him attentively.
Once again, you notice the glow when he performs the spell, something you are pretty sure is what they call the Weave here.
Lae’zel snorts, unimpressed, while the others manage to set up an additional tent for you. You barely have the energy to acknowledge it, slumping down near the fire as Gale hands you a cup of thin broth.
It’s more of a battered tin mug than a proper cup, the metal dented and worn, but you don’t mind.
The warmth of the broth is soothing, the salt and whatever faint seasoning lingers in it doing wonders to settle your nausea. You assume it has electrolytes. You’d kill for an Ibuprofen, you think to yourself.
The broth doesn’t fix the headache entirely, but at least the pain is no longer blinding.
You feel less half-dead.
You are grateful they took you in. In your weird clothes with literally no useful skills and with exactly nothing to offer, they might as well have left you there.
When Lae’zel realized you have never held a sword or any form of weapon in your life, her disdain had become quite obvious. The fact that you might be able to see magic but have no clue how to wield it, was not helpful.
Shadowheart offered you a spare robe, simple gray wool. It is quite itchy, so you decided to keep your top and bra but at least you are look like you belong here.
As everyone settles around the fire, it becomes painfully clear that they are still strangers to one another. The conversation moves slowly, awkwardly, filled with hesitant exchanges and too long pauses. This is their first night together.
At some point, breaking the silence, Gale speaks. “I never asked your name.”
You have noticed Astarion was gone the moment the sun had set. You are painfully aware the others have no clue he is a vampire. Or vampire spawn. You forgot the difference.
Lae’zel went after dinner, briskly thanking Gale for cooking.
“Tav,” your lips say and you freeze, fingers tightening around your mug. Your eyes dart onto the fire as you concentrate.
“Tav,” you say again.
That is not your name.
Why the fuck are you not able to say your own name?
“Tav,” you attempt once more, but confusion builds in your mind.
Gale watches you with growing interest.
Shadowheart chuckles. “We heard you the first time.”
Wyll shifts uncomfortably, clearing his throat before looking away.
“It’s not my name. I cannot tell you my name. Why can I not say my name? When I say it, all that comes out is-“
“Tav,” Gale concludes. He moves a little closer on the log, eyes darting in on you.
"You are not of this world," Gale deduces, his gaze sweeping over you with measured curiosity. "Your attire alone marks you as an anomaly. The way you speak, the way you move… it all serves to further solidify the notion. You bear no visible sigils of deity or profession, no markers of allegiance nor craft. And then, of course, there was your fascination with a mere cantrip—a spell so rudimentary that even the most hesitant of apprentices would scarcely spare it a second thought. You have never truly seen magic before, have you? And yet, most curiously of all—you cannot even speak your own name."
His lips move into a grin, amusement flickering in his eyes. "Now that, I daresay, is a mystery most worthy of unravelling."
„I am glad my misery is able to intrigue you,” you snap before you can stop yourself and Shadowheart chuckles again.
“You will get along just well. As agreed, we move to the Grove at first light? We need a healer.”
You only nod, as she rises.
“Good night,” she murmurs with an underlying tone of hidden feeling and descends to her tent. Somehow, you know she will be praying before sleep.
You are feeling a little uneasy under Gale’s most delighted stare. He notices and averts his gaze but you are sure, this is a discussion that cannot be delayed.
After all, your survival might depend on it.
“I am not….from this world, as you put it. I do not know how I ended up here. Or why.”
“What world are you from?”
You shrug. “I do not know what you call this. My reality is different. Really really different.”
"Can you name the planet? A galaxy? Offer a time frame? Anything that might indicate how it aligns with our world?” Gale asked curiously. His eyes start to wander while his mind is racing. You are not sure how you know but you are certain. "Surely, there must be something—some point of reference, however small—that might bridge the chasm between where you were and where you are now."
“The galaxy is called Milky way and the planet is called-“
"Earth," he nods, briskly rising to his feet. He starts to pace, gesturing mostly to himself. "I have read about it. A world beyond our own, spoken of in rare tomes and whispered theories. Few, very few—only the most powerful of Archwizards—have mastered the advanced techniques required to glimpse its distant shores, let alone set foot upon them. And yet, here you are. Curious, most curious indeed."
When he catches the confusion on your face, he smiles. As if his curiosity alone might somehow fix everything.
How the fuck is that supposed to help? You don’t even have a clean set of underwear.
Or a toothbrush.
"We shall find out," Gale assures you. "Tomorrow, we shall make our way to the Grove—to seek a healer, first and foremost. They may be able to assess our condition. And their library—if fortune favours us—may house rare tomes that grant us our first true insights." He offers a small, thoughtful smile. "A mystery such as this deserves a careful unravelling, after all. Good night, Tav. Wyll."
With that, he dips into a small bow before retreating to his tent. Wyll raises his cup in acknowledgment and follows, pausing for a brief moment as if to say something but then deciding against it.
You empty the cup and drink two additional cups of water, just to be sure. To shit in nature will be a challenge you realize, as you crouch behind a bush.
You have always hated camping and your dislike has not improved since you turned thirty. The insects crawling everywhere, the constant dampness creeping into every pore, the moldy smell of used tents and the fact that you are sleeping on the actual floor – why would anyone do this for fun, when smart people invented hotels?
Sadly, the advantages of modern life will be missing here.
With a resigned sigh, you shed the scratchy robe and use it as an extra blanket, bitterly acknowledging, one point to capitalism.
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Vraiment les fanarts des Légendaires en big 2024 ça me met dans un état de joie et d'allégresse
Merci vraiment 💛
#look if it isn't the consequences of my own actions#except my actions c'est le fanzine et les conséquences c'est un amour réveillé pour la bd chez plein de gens et tout plein de fic et fanart#si c'est ça mon héritage énorme banger#les légendaires
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oh goddddd
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#well well well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions#silly ol stede#looking like a sad fucking puppy#ofmd#our flag means death#stede bonnet#gentlebeard
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To me, Bruce is a character who doesn't know everything and how everyone works, but he says things so confidently, and is known as a detective, so people just assume he's right and stating facts
#hes batman! of course he's looked into this objectively and isn't letting his own bias or feelings get in the way! thats his whole thing!#(he was in fact letting his own feelings and bias get in the way)#i also dont think him fully aware of this#batman is also to me a character that doesn't fully realize theres consequences to his actions or words outside of hero stuff#batman. in his grief if jason. spun a narrative to himself where jason was reckless and angry and it was all he was and it was inevitable#and never corrected tim who unabashedly thought this amd didn't like jason. and alfred always agrees with him#and well. it spread as fact about jason#and everyone else didn't know him well enough to really argue against it. they've only known him for a handful of hours total after all.#batman was his father. batman knew him. of course batman is right about him#the only person (in my memory) that doesn't go the whole “Jason was ALWAYS angry and reckless and violent and thats what he was” ?#eddie. Jason's old pen pal#anyway !#thats a glimpse in how i view bruce as someone whos read near exclusively comics about jason#im aware. that view of jason is very much from the writers sorta trying to retcon him worse/remember him that way. so batman IS tech right#but yknow me. i tend to take characters original run and appearance (80s jaybin) far more seriously than any after#(jaybin flashbacks written after his death)#and this is just how it reads from an in universe perspective
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AO3 won't let you check how many subscriptions a series has, but i saw 600 bookmarks and let out a little squeak of raw terror.
#it was like...320 the last time i looked.#I almost woke up my roommate.#I have a class in 15 minutes and now Im just terrified by the consequences of my own actions#Not that it isn't super cool!
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I bleached my hair specifically to look like kenma and now I get judgy looks from my friends when i make fun of atsumu's piss yellow head
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#well well well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions#LISTEN#in haikyuu there's a scale from natural blond (tsukki) to terrible artificial yellow (terushima)#somewhere in the middle is the 'Im gonna make fun of u line“#kenma is on the safe side#even if it still looks evidently bleached#atsumu's hair is piss yellow (pre time-skip at least i can allow him so room for growth)#haikyuu!!#kozume kenma#miya atsumu#m ya callate
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All my Lances have some flavor of gender fuckery/non binary going on with them however it's only sr!Lance who has sat down, thought about it hard and realized that "hmmm actually? To be completely honest? I kinda like being not a boy. It's nice, this is nice😊" Rest of them are too far gone for the Realization™, too deep in the shithole they have dug themselves in
#empty thoughts#stolen identity au#C&ai au#post s8 au#post s8 posting#stolen identity posting#C&ai posting#I am so sorry for being crazy about my own aus but this is my blog so pbbt- anyway (mentions of gore and murder up ahead)#This is especially insane cause again sr!Lance is victim of a violent murder who is forgotten and can not be perceived by anyone#dude was straight up skinned alive#You'll think he'll have much more issues than the amateur necromancer and garbage bin depressed cowboy dad#But no that is not what going on#Died and came back normal (ignoring the being eldritch horror part)#Them not being remembered and being alone does make her sad :(#But he doesn't mind her eldritch nature though. Cause that's just who they are. That's just what he is now#Sr!Allura struggles with what she is currently (human) while sr!Shiro struggles with what he isn't currently (Champion+BP+Captain)#They both consider the 'reality' and the 'history' they are struggling with to be fake#Sr!Lance just doesn't care because he neither has the history nor the identity#Neither of being a paladin nor of whoever they were before her death. Instead just focusing on present#Looking for her murderer. Understanding this world. Trying to know about the other one#Solving other murder cases. Doing things to help out people because the world is a bit supernatural. Inconveniencing the cops#Yknow stuff#Ps8!Lance and c&ai!Lance meanwhile are too busy dealing with consequences of their own actions to like evaluate their own gender
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Worst part is when he hears Barry's motivations Mario Gets It. Because even though he does have friends and actually had a decent pair of SMGs(even if it took a while for SMG3 to get there) nearly all of them are from After. The only people he's still on good terms with from Before are Luigi and Bowser and maybe E. Gadd, and a lot of that's because of everyone getting Memed, especially the ones who've grown to outright hate him like Peach, Toad and Yoshi.
Plus even with his current friends he probably sometimes worried that they'll run out of patience and realize he's not worth putting up with, worries that are quite frankly justified because they already leave him out of stuff and go way overboard when retaliating against whatever problem he's caused and say right in front of his face that he's just a lazy moron that causes problems and will never change, despite the fact that he has grown and changed over the years, and a lot of the time he does the things he does because he legitimately can't help it.
#smg4#mario#smg4 ocs#barry the blook#origins interrupted au#princess peach#toad#yoshi#luigi#bowser#smg3#professor e gadd#sorry. went on a bit of a rant there#mario: has a crisis of loyalty#smg4: oh look it's the consequences of my own actions#i have a lot of feelings about canon 4's current attitude towards mario#most of them negative#maybe mario ISN'T at fault for every problem the crew faces
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the way everyone tells you to get your nose pierced with a stud bc a hoop will irritate it and my stupid ass got a hoop anyways and now it’s super irritated
#well well well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions#i’m going to a piercer to get it changed but i can’t do it until wednesday bc i have work when they r open#ughhhhhhh it looks awful and i’m embarrassed#my post
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[Act 3 spoilers]
#baldur's gate 3#the emperor/tav#lae'zel/tav#the emperor really is top ten anime betrayals#(if you're used to the idea that all power comes from flirting with ruin)#(If you were naive enough to think the DG WASN'T a mindflayer)#(if you're willing to believe that long enough to be kind of gay for her)#(If you trust lae'zel to look out for you)#(Because all power comes from risk but that doesn't mean you have to be dumb abt it)#(if you trust her to kill you but instead she loves you)#Tav voice: if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
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I really should've stayed in congonhas
#actually right before I left I almost gave up... I only came because its the holidays#but I sensed through the phone things were off#my parents are acting really weird#I guess they're mad they have no money after they blowed it all with house renovations#well well well if isn't the consequences of their own actions!#but yeah lol I definitely won't come back here to stay long after the holidays#I still have to come back periodically to pick-up frozen food but I don't wanna sleep here and stuff#it's a uncomfortable energy for everyone involved#I thought things were looking up because last time I was here they seemed fine#I guess they were pretending because my little cousin was visiting#so yeah 😬#rambles*
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kitty keychains and pudding paybacks
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best friend!minho can't help but recall memories of him and fem!reader in the middle of their grocery trip
this is part 2 of silky shorts and stained shirts
genre: fluff, smut, angst (a little), college au
warnings: MDNI! condescending dom!minho, sub!reader, reader is physically sensitive, reader is inexperienced, minho and reader are not straight, pet names, grinding, nipple play, marking, praise, dirty talk, p in v, minho has a huge dick, a bit of pain from sex (just a little), oral f receiving, fingering, minho is really possessive, minho is an idiot when it comes to feelings
w.c.: 11.9k
a/n: i swore part 2 would be sweet, smutty, and simple but my fingers slipped and now we're at 11.9k words T_T hope it isn't too much! i rlly enjoyed writing this i hope u enjoy reading it as well.
you flinch at the sudden flash of light as you stuff sushi in your mouth.
the perpetrator is across you, smiling stupidly while holding his stupid phone in his stupid hand. you notice the people who were just peacefully eating in the dim restaurant look at you both with a disapproving stare which makes you mumble out a quiet apology.
minho doesn’t seem to care, that idiot. you kick him below the table and he just giggles.
“delete that!” you whisper at him aggressively. you both know it’s useless. his phone is a growing waste of every single embarrassing picture and video clip ever taken of his friends. and as someone who’s with him like 90% of the time, you’re unfortunately 90% of his pesky camera roll.
“shh, go eat your food”, he hums, still grinning.
“i was eating until i was so rudely interrupted.”
“in my defense, i didn't know the flash was on”, he retorts confidently as if that makes it better. “and most importantly, i’m storing memories. be grateful you have such a wonderful friend to do that for you. you suck at taking photos”, he argues.
he’s right. you don’t even have a quarter of the amount of photos he has. you keep reminding yourself to take more pictures for the memories since your memory itself sucks, but you always either forget or you’re too slow to capture the moment. minho says the growing amount of keychains on your phone case were the reason you’re so slow. as if he didn’t add onto your collection with a personalized keytag of jureumi.
you watch minho watch you thinking about his words. annoying. you just poke your tongue out at him and he shakes his head at the childish display.
after a while, minho finishes his plate and you notice him eyeing yours. you already know what’s running through that pretty head of his.
by your luck or maybe his excitement from planning his attack, he accidentally drops his chopsticks.
as he’s reaching out for it under the table with a silent fuck, you insert a pretty good chunk of wasabi into the sushi and flip the piece so he won't notice.
you eat the second to the last sushi. you know he’s looking at the very last one on your plate like the greedy man he is. you drink your water to hide your grin.
like clockwork, he grabs the last sushi and shoots it in his mouth in record time, a smug look on his face just a split second before realizing his mistake.
gotcha, idiot.
you swallow your water so fast so you won’t choke from laughter at seeing how red his neck and ears are getting.
he rushes for the water and starts cursing at you. it’s your turn to take an embarrassing photo of him. you’re quick this time.
“you are evil!” he shouts, eyes a bit teary and lips red.
“if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.”
minho continues downing liquid and you can’t help but stare. if it really isn’t the consequences of one’s actions.
his neck is all red and his lips are burning with the perfect shade of red adorning them. he’s swallowing the water and you follow the liquid that disappears past his lips and down his throat. he has such a pretty throat. you don’t understand how a person's adam’s apple can look so defined and delicious? you snap out of your staring and tell him you should head out soon for the groceries.
he nods, still glaring at you. you can tell from his faint smile he’s trying to contain that he’s not really mad.
the train to the supermarket is a bit packed. it’s the rush hour so you and minho are sitting together, both your thighs squished next to each other.
you notice minho’s ears are still red. no way he’s still affected by the wasabi? his eyes are closed and his jaw is clenched. you laugh.
“your ears are still red? that wasabi really did one on you!”
minho rolls his eyes. it’s not the wasabi. not that you should know when you’re laughing like that anyway.
you sneakily bring out your phone but he hears the little clanging of the metals and he catches you sending the photo of him in the restaurant to han jisung of all people.
he snatches your phone from your hold to try and stop you, but it was already sent so you don’t make the extra effort to get it back. you grin in success and close your eyes while waiting for your stop.
you remember the first time you saw him. it was on this train on the way to university. you decided to leave early after having one of those moments of wanting to turn your life around at 3 am.
you got aboard the 6 am train and there he was, some cute guy with glasses on and a hoodie. he had earphones on and his eyes were closed as he silently tapped his foot to whatever music he was playing. you couldn’t look away. not that you wanted to.
he had an intimidating aura to him which contrasted his cute face. you were a sucker for that so you decided to wake up early the next day too. maybe you’ll see him again.
and yet again, there he was.
you woke up earlier again the next day. and the next. and then the next, until you formed a new habit of waking up early for the 6 am train even though your classes start at noon.
you told yourself it was a good habit to form. you felt gratitude for the pretty boy on the train. you never approached him though. you didn't feel the need to. he never looked your way and you didn’t mind. it helped you develop a routine of waking up early and you were glad just for that.
the speakers announce your stop and minho taps you gently upon noticing your eyes were closed. both of you got out of the train and walked towards the supermarket.
grocery shopping with you was one of minho’s favorite occurrences.
he didn’t think much of it, he just knew it was so much more fun when he’s with you. he always chalked it up to you simply being fun to hang out with and that you’re always able to match his sillier side. almost a little too well. maybe..
“ya! don’t buy too much of that!” he notices you stuffing your cart with 5 packages of the carbonara buldak which interrupted his wandering thoughts.
“it’s my money? it’s the perfect meal for exams!”
minho recalls your late night snacking during last term’s finals and he sighs at the memory.
you were literally consuming that stuff three times a day. sometimes more. he had to hide the rest of it and force you to let him cook you a proper meal.
of course he almost folded when you looked at him with teary eyes, begging him to free the packs, and that you were tired and stressed and you’re really craving it. you were so tempting begging him like that. nevermind that it’s for some stupid noodles. he eventually made sure you ate his cooking anyway.
he takes 3 of the packages from your cart and puts them back on the shelf. he sighs through his nose while you glare at him.
“we’re supposed to die a natural death, y/n. i don’t want you getting a heart disease any time before 90!” he scolds you.
90 is a bit too much, you think. you just poke your tongue out at him again but you move on with only the 2 packs.
you are so annoying. he can't help but smile while watching you struggle pushing the cart.
you look back at minho from his sudden quietness. minho just nods at you to continue walking. his heart warms. you always glance back to see if he’s still behind you. always. whether you’re on a narrow sidewalk or whether you’re ordering in line in front of him, or when you’re both in bed and you can’t sleep due to stress, or that one time you were cheating off of him during an exam. he smiles at the thought. for all kinds of reasons, you always glance back, and for all kinds of reasons he vows to himself to keep being there.
both of you walk to the candy section. none of you really like candy that much but hyunjin kept begging minho to get a brand of gummies that can only be found at that supermarket. minho saw you looking at the cherry lollipops. you’ve had that before. he knows because it’s what you had in your mouth during a small get-together for his birthday where he introduced you for the first time to his friends.
some of the boys have already met you. you got comfortable real quick with the rest of them and he remembers being so happy that they’re getting along greatly with you.
seungmin teased him about you that night and he just threatened to put him in the oven before muttering something about how she's just a friend. seungmin just leaves him alone with a sarcastic “sure”.
he recalls changbin being late that night because of a project. everyone was already on their 4th or 5th game of the night. hyunjin bought a bunch of candy and the lollipop was one of the prizes. minho remembers scolding him for being so childish but he didn’t really stop him since he knows how childish all his friends are anyway.
you were definitely childish too with two cherry lollipops poking through each of your cheeks. why the hell do you have two? you don’t even like cherries.
apart from definitely childish, you were also definitely drunk from the drinking games you were playing with the rest of the guys. you were getting too close to felix for his own liking and he was unknowingly glaring holes at the younger boy’s freckles, hoping they’ll burst or something.
he knows you’re a clingy drunk and he wanted to intervene, but he realized seungmin was looking at him looking at you and he’d rather not ignite whatever dumb things the mutt is thinking. he remembers cursing felix inwardly, repeating get your own friend, get your own friend in his head.
when changbin arrived, he introduced you once more. you sat up immediately to bow at the blonde man politely.
and with you being drunk as hell, you blinked at his friend a few times before your jaw dropped, both the cherry lollipops that were just in your mouth falling on top of minho’s head. hyunjin doubled back in laughter and jeongin had to hold the back of the hyunjin’s head to keep it from smashing against the furniture. minho picked up the cherry lollipops in disgust and saw you look at changbin all dazed and pathetic with a “you’re really handsome” slipping past your cherry-stained tongue. changbin laughed shyly and the guys just lost their shit even more at the whole thing.
minho knew you were way out of it at that point and decided to get you to bed while the rest of them continued with the night.
he dragged you to the bathroom, brushing your teeth for you since you were too drunk to do it yourself.
he got you to his bed, lifting you up and rolling you in his duvet like a cat being put on sock timeout.
“don’t argue. you’re gonna have a terrible headache in the morning. sleep. now.” he said a bit grumpily while making sure you’re still comfortable even after restraining you with his sheets. you whined at him, still not wanting the fun to end.
“but i was winning! you- ch- chan was about to take another shot!” you were putting up a fight although he could see how weak and tired you already were. minho just clicked his tongue at you.
“and you’ve had too much. you’re sleeping now. i’m not hearing it.”
minho closed his bedroom door shut after turning the lights out and he was right about putting you to bed since you passed out almost immediately.
after a few hours of messing around, minho got tired and left some of the guys in his living room who still had way too much energy.
jeongin was already asleep on the couch, chan was in the bathroom puking his head out on the toilet (the photos haunted him the next day), and the rest of his friends were so loud screaming “draw 2!” “draw 4!” “draw 8!” that he got a complaint the next morning.
changbin followed him that night to ask about you.
“so that’s y/n”, changbin said in an amused tone while handing the birthday boy his gift.
“mhm”, minho took the gift and smiled at him. “glad you could come. thanks for this.”
“is… she dating anyone?” the younger one asked and minho’s heart sank so low on his stomach that he thought he was gonna have to pull chan from the toilet so he could have a go next.
changbin looked at him expectantly and minho just blinked before deciding to pull something from his ass.
“she’s not. but she doesn’t really want to date anyone right now. says they’re a distraction. so you probably shouldn’t”
he wasn’t completely lying. you told him you didn’t wanna date around, that you weren’t actively seeking for it. but if anyone nice came, preferably someone you can trust and not a total stranger, then why not?
minho gulped and changbin looked at him weirdly but ultimately just nodded his head in understanding.
“ah… i see. it’s too bad. but i respect that. i’m gonna hang with those idiots for a while. you heading to bed now?” minho nodded. he walked to his room with a heavy feeling on his chest that he blamed on the food.
he forgot all about it when he saw you. he chuckled at your position: head falling off the edge of the bed, arms in a marty mcfly sleeping position, legs somehow on top of his headboard? he took his phone out to immortalize the sight. how the hell did you even get out of the roll?
he sighed and gently laid your head back on the bed. he maneuvered your body until he had enough space to sleep next to you. he knew there was a high chance that you would be kicking some part of him later on but he never minded.
minho plopped his heavy leg over you and took you in an embrace to keep you still.
he started feeling a bit guilty for making shit up to changbin. but he figured you won’t mind. not that he would ever tell you.
he never thought about any of his friends seeing you in a romantic light. nor did he think about it himself. all he knew was he’s really possessive over his friends and that should extend to you.
but he also knew changbin was a good guy and you’d definitely click well with him. that didn’t mean it would sit right in his stomach if you did click too well.
get your own friend, he kept thinking. you’re his friend. he doesn’t want you spending less time with him. it would be unfair since he found you first. he should be enough. he huffed one last time before hugging you even tighter that night than he ever had.
“yo! you said you’d buy me two extra cups of pudding. let’s check the aisle.” minho snaps back to reality and follows you.
the pudding.
normally, he wouldn’t even consider replacing it with one yet he offered you two.
his guilt from… earlier events made him think you deserve just as much and then some. he knows you know that it's unlike him to even pay you back for his greedy schemes so you're taking advantage of the newfound generosity that you didn't know was actually guilt.
somehow they’re all out of the regular pudding. what’s there is rows and rows of the nasty strawberry pudding both of you tried once. he remembers how your face scrunched from disgust.
the cute little designs on the pudding cup made minho wanna try it with you. you ate at the same time and both of you immediately spat it out.
“this is absolute shit from a butt! the goddamn devil’s butt, blergh!” you drank minho’s sparkling water to wash out the definitely-not-strawberry strawberry flavor.
“yeah, you’d know” he laughs hard and calls you weird.
“it’s an expression, you piece of shit. a piece of shit from the devil’s butt too, mind you. and you’re weirder than me, don’t give me that.”
“i’ll stuff this pudding in your mouth,” he threatens and you fake gag at him. none of you tried any strawberry-flavored pudding again.
“looks like you really just don’t deserve pudding today” he chuckles at the sight in front of him.
“maybe if you left my pudding alone”, you mutter and he just basks in successfully annoying you.
you both continue on your separate shopping carts while still walking around together. minho is about to go crazy. why the hell does he keep being reminded of you in this stupid store? for every little thing too. like, seriously?
the meat section reminded him of you absolutely fucking up the steak you tried cooking for him when he won with his team on a dancing competition. you still ate it all, trying your best to chew the overcooked meat, not wanting to waste it.
the fruits and vegetables section reminded him of the time both of you were fixated on mango smoothies for months.
the onions reminded him of that one time he taught you how to cook kimchi sundubu-jjigae, and when you offered chopping the onions, you were silently sniffling to hide your crying. he laughed like a madman when he noticed. that picture was marked favorite in his phone.
the damn spring roll wrappers reminded him of your thin shorts just this afternoon. spring roll wrappers, for fuck’s sake.
the frozen foods aisle reminded him of the time he scolded you for not bringing out the tonkatsu he told you to bring out so you both could have dinner. you ended up sleeping all day in his bathtub and they were still frozen by the time he got home. you felt so bad that you paid for both of your food that night, which then made him feel bad so he went with you to the convenience store to try out the interesting strawberry pudding with the cute packaging.
the dairy section took him back to that one afternoon where you were both here doing your groceries, and an old couple asked him to reach for the milk brand at the bottom shelf, saying something about bad joints. he remembers the goosebumps that ran through his body when the old lady whispered to him that both of you will have beautiful kids like them someday. she proceeded to show him said kids on her wallet, pictures faded from how long ago those were probably taken. he just smiled politely at her. he was certain if you two had kids, yours would be cuter than theirs. not that he kept thinking about it from time to time afterwards.
he exhales in relief when you two get out of the supermarket, light bags of food in hand. you look at him and he looks at you and there’s a pause before he starts talking.
“let’s pass by the convenience store. maybe they have your pudding there.”
you know the convenience store is a bit farther from the station since it’s the other way. you’re not even craving pudding anymore.
“let’s go”, you say as you both walk towards the other direction, groceries in hand.
you always linger when you’re with him. a few hours more to see him laugh with and at his friends on his birthday even though you already feel your eyes getting heavy. a few seats more distanced from the train door to see him a bit longer, not wanting to leave before him. a few blocks more in the opposite direction just to be in his presence a little more. the weight of the grocery bags are nothing. not when minho’s next to you.
once you arrive, both of you plop the bags on the tiny table while he checks on the pudding aisle. you notice how peaceful it is like this with your tiny routines you formed with him over a few years. your heart beats faster, realizing the domesticity of it all.
you pinch your thigh to stop daydreaming about your friend. you tell yourself to just pay attention to your surroundings.
the cashier is giggling at someone on the phone, there’s a cat meowing for something outside, the convenience store is rather empty, and you can hear minho clicking his tongue from across the store.
“nothing?” you ask and he nods.
“you know, there should be compounded interest in these things. i say one more extra pudding with every day that passes where you still haven't paid me back”, you offer a very bad deal for him. you continue pushing your luck. “besides, that was the last pudding. i was looking forward to eating it after a hard day at uni…”
minho raises his eyebrow at you.
“you’re a spoiled brat, you know that?” he chuckles.
“and you’re a thief! i’m just saying…” you add, still trying to convince him.
minho just shakes his head and gets some sparkling water for himself. you follow him to the counter and the cashier brings his phone down to scan his item.
“is that all?” he chews his gum with a smile while taking minho's money. minho nods.
you’re looking at the other products near the counter. you notice the magnetic cat keyrings on the side and eye them closely. it’s a little too expensive. maybe you can convince minho to get this instead of the pudding.
“you need condoms too?” the cashier blurts out too casually and you can't help but get flustered at the implication.
“w-we don’t. we’re not- he-”
“i’ll take a pack. thank you”, minho says also too casually and you avoid looking at him while you head back to the table with both your groceries.
it’s none of your business, really. you knew minho liked to fuck. well, most people your age do, it’s no big deal. there are multiple times when you wanna come over to his place but he’ll text you a little “busy” so you knew not to come.
there was actually a time when you just strutted in his place without informing him, much like he is with you. it ended when you realized that of course he had a whole life that didn’t include you.
you were in his new apartment, relaxing in his bathroom since he could now afford an apartment with a bathtub. you were taking a warm bath, almost dozing off when you heard the door open and slam shut which was immediately followed by wet kisses and people bumping into furniture.
you heard them giggling as they went inside minho’s room. you swore you felt your heart melting into the warm water and down the drain that you started to open after figuring out what was going on. and yet you can feel the familiar warmth in your belly because of the same, familiar person.
stupid lee minho with his stupidly soft voice.
you moved as quietly as possible to get out of the tub but you’re sure they wouldn’t hear you anyway from all the moaning that’s going on. minho sounded a bit mean to the guy but that embarrassingly turned you on too. you felt like a creep squeezing your thighs in his bathroom after a few minutes of minho groaning and telling the stranger how much of a good pet he’s being for him.
from then on you always told him every time you’re coming over. he doesn’t do the same to you, very much loving going in and out of your place like he pays for it.
he knew you never brought anyone over anyway. minho teased you for your lack of love or “lust interests”, as he called it. that earned him a flying boba ball hurling from your straw and straight towards his cheek. your “lust life” isn’t his concern anyway. and it’s the same with him. minho liked to fuck and it’s not any of your business.
he stuffs the condoms and sparkling water in his bag of groceries.
“let’s go”, he says while blinking at you. you head out and walk back again towards the train station.
the wind was cool on his skin. you are right beside him, the air making your hair flutter as you talk about jisung calling you earlier this morning about some prank he pulled on changbin that minho hasn’t even heard of yet.
you and jisung have already gotten closer since you two met on his birthday. and since then, minho kept appearing in your apartment more often so his title won’t be replaced.
he wanted to listen to your story. he really did. especially when it concerned his friends being absolute idiots. but all he heard was “jisungie”, “pink”, “butt”, and “burst” while the rest of your words were getting carried away by the cool wind.
he nods at every word with a smile, trying to focus as much as he can. but seriously, how can he when the light from the streetlamp is making your features soft and all perfect for him to stare at, and when you’re letting out airy giggles that interrupts the story itself.
he laughs at that. you clutch your stomach, as if his laugh pushed yours to intensify tenfold. you don't have to know he’s laughing at you and not whatever jisung did to make poor changbin suffer.
you calm down after a few minutes and sit at a nearby bench with a sigh and a faint smile adorning your face.
“i can’t breathe. let’s sit for a while”, you say, eyes closed.
your eyelashes are kissing your face and he has never wanted to imitate something so bad. at this point he doesn’t care where his thoughts wander to. he doesn’t think deeply about the implications. not when he can look at you right now.
a few silent seconds and then you jerk your head to the bushes on the right. he looks at you confused. a faint meow can be heard and you all but melt when you see a tiny kitten hiding but seemingly wanting attention.
he holds in a deep breath as you call for the cautious little stray in front of you. he gives you a packet of the cat treat he always brings, and you gently coo at it so as to not scare the poor thing away.
“it’s okay, baby. you have to eat”, you say as you kneel in front of the little guy. he smiles at that.
he told you before that cats would feel less threatened if you make yourself smaller in front of them. you always listen so well. he realizes how both of your little habits, like feeding stray cats or doing groceries, have seemed to intertwine with one another over time.
you’re talking so sweetly to the cat and it overwhelms him. if he exhaled, he thinks he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from yelling or something.
the kitten comes closer, suspicious of the stranger offering him the food. he takes a sniff, you’re as still as possible, and it eventually licks the treat. you beam. your eyes turn to crescents and it’s the most overwhelming thing ever that he ends up finally exhaling but not before clenching his jaw so hard so he won’t be able to startle you or the kitten.
you start petting it and the little fellow allows him. he knows it’s the greatest honor in life for you. much like when soonie finally sat on your lap. eventually, he collects himself and the little stray allows him to pet it too.
“wish i could put every stray cat in my bag and take it home”, he says as the kitten starts purring like an engine.
“i’ll bring my bag too so we have space for more.”
minho smiles at your statement. the little guy keeps purring as minho rubs just under his ear.
to his shock, this one suddenly jumps on your shoulders and nestles itself on top of your head. you go completely still, afraid that if you move it will jump back down.
minho inhales so deep. he starts thinking you’ll make him break breath-holding records someday.
he grabs your phone that he still somehow has, trying not to make the array of keychains jangle. you laugh at his attempts to not startle the kitten with your dangling keyrings. he takes hold of your phone and takes the picture.
you look at him, still smiling, and the little guy starts making biscuits on your head. minho keeps holding his breath. you try very hard to stay really still despite feeling the ball of fur tickling your scalp. you’re trying so hard not to laugh and squirm at the kitten’s massages and minho can’t help but sigh out all the air he’s been holding.
“marry me.”
the words are out before he knows it. it takes him a second to realize what it meant. he looks at you and it’s so silent. you’ve gotten completely still and you’re no longer smiling as the kitten makes biscuits on your head. he can hear his heart beating too loud. he fucked up.
he fucked up. stupid stupid stupid. the kitten jumps from your head and runs to a distant meowing sound, probably its mother, and you’re still completely unmoving. you’re blinking at him, an unreadable expression on your face.
he takes your grocery bags and puts them in your hands.
“i- i gotta go. text me when you get home”, he mutters, still not looking at you.
when you move on from the shock, minho was already across the street and heading inside the train station hurriedly.
what the fuck?
you get up, still confused, and you try running to get on the train he’s in. it shuts before you can, and you’re standing there on the platform, confused and worried.
the ride back home is too loud for minho. loud and fucking heavy. minho was never good with confrontations. he was never really good at expressing what he felt either.
marry him? what the fuck? he never paused to really think about the possible feelings he might have towards you yet the words slipped out of his mouth anyway. it slipped out faster than he realized that he might actually like you. and when he did realize, it was immediately after saying those stupid words which was why he started panicking instead of the obvious choice of laughing it off.
but he fucked up and fucked up again when he left you there. minho groans, bags heavy in his lap, and the ride home felt longer than usual.
he remembers this is where he met you, right on this train on the way to university. it was a normal day, he was on the 6 am train and you were outside rushing to get on board with a “pleasepleaseplease” leaving your mouth.
by your luck, or his, you made it inside and sigh in relief.
minho noticed your damp hair, baggy hoodie, and ridiculous-looking pants with too many pockets.
you were still breathing heavily and you're holding onto one of the poles. when you looked up, your eyes directly met his.
he blinked at you before deciding to pat the empty seat next to him. by definitely his luck, you sat there even though there were other free seats.
“thank you”, you mumbled out shyly, avoiding his gaze. he just hummed. you made no advances to talk to him after that which made him a bit disappointed.
when he noticed you bringing out your phone to check your emails, he inwardly thanked the also ridiculous-looking keychains hanging on your phone case.
“isn’t that heavy?” he asked with a teasing tone.
you looked at the voice who just spoke to you and he couldn’t help but smile wider at the shudder laced in your words.
“w-what?”
“your keychains.”
“oh, these”, you mumble and he nods. “they don’t feel heavy to me. actually, they feel too light for my liking? i want more. some of them i bought, some are given. it’s like a collecting-thing.”
he softly laughed at your rambling that you didn’t seem to notice.
“can i see?”
you handed him your phone and your hand brushed against his. your soft hands. he inspected the thing and gave you back your phone, making sure to brush his fingers past your hand again.
“i have one in my backpack. would you want one?” minho offered.
“r-really?”
minho laughed at your nervous state. why were you so nervous?
“yeah. it’s probably buried in here though so i’m not sure if i can get it right now. i can give it to you some other time, maybe?”
“you don’t have to bother, really.”
“no. it’s cute. the keychains. it would be an honor.” minho said.
“i um.. i’m al- a student in the university at the next stop. i-”
“great! me too. i’ll look for it there.”
when you two got to the university, minho dug through his backpack for one of the keytags in there. he found it under layers of crumpled paper, then noticed his jureumi doodle on it. he handed it to you with a smile and you gladly took it.
“this is quite… interesting. you drew this?” you asked.
“yeah. i- yeah.”
you laughed and immediately stuck it on one of the other keyrings on your phone.
“there! i will make sure to take care of it”, you said, bowing at him in gratitude.
“well, i gotta make sure that you make sure to take care of it. what time’s your break?”
the rest was history. the train beeps and announces his stop so he gets up and leaves.
it’s been four days and he hasn’t seen you since. you messaged him that night telling him you got home to which he sighed in relief but he didn’t reply back, feeling too awkward to do so.
he didn’t come over to your place either. he can’t face you after that.
he supposes you’d either a) tease him about it and he can finally say it was a joke but you’ll both know about how he feels anyway which will drive you away; or b) act normal and pretend it never happened and he can be relieved but you’ll both know about how he feels anyway and he wouldn’t be able to stand ignoring it.
you actually went with option b, he thinks. he knew you weren’t good at confrontation either. you messaged him the next day if you could come over like usual but he replied with “busy” so you don’t push.
you tried again the next day, then the next, but he kept saying the same thing. you still asked earlier this morning, the fourth time now, and he was about to reply the same four letters until his phone came flying across the couch thanks to kim seungmin.
“do you wanna get sma-”
“i can’t stand it”, the boy interrupts.
minho still looks at him angrily and a bit confused.
“i really can’t stand it. you asked to hang out but i can tell you’re angry at something and you’ve been passive-aggressive the whole time”, seungmin finally breathes out.
“first of all, i asked jisung first but he said he was busy-”
“there you go again. what’s wrong, minho?” seungmin interrupts again.
minho just sighs. he’s feeling a bit guilty now. seungmin always meant well. maybe that’s why he called him next. even if he sucked at confrontation, seungmin read people well and maybe he just needed someone to understand without him having to say it out loud. minho didn’t realize that and apparently, the younger man was already fed up.
“it’s y/n, isn’t it?” seungmin asked. minho closes his eyes. he really is too observant.
“jisung told me that she told him you have been ignoring her” oh nevermind. so jisung told him. minho sighs, not sure if he should say the words out loud.
“i… i think i love her.”
“you think?”
seungmin is just baffled. he laughs at his friend’s stupidity and lack of awareness of his own emotions.
minho groans.
“so why are you ignoring her?” seungmin sat more comfortably, although a bit far from the older boy, just in case he says something that would make minho wanna smack him with a pillow.
“i told her i wanted to marry her”, minho says quietly and seungmin can’t hold himself back from laughing but minho continues. “it’s so fucking stupid. i told her that and then i realized that maybe i liked her. i just stood there like an idiot then i left.”
it felt good to get the words out, he realizes. seungmin is still laughing with a hand clutching his stomach. minho throws a pillow at him and the younger boy calms down.
“you’re cute, minho. but you still didn’t answer my question. why are you ignoring her now?"
“didn’t i just tell you?”
“no?” seungmin interjects. “did she reject your ridiculous marriage proposal?”
“i just told you i left.”
“and there it is. you had no right to leave! you weren’t the one to say yes!” seungmin shakes his head, still smiling.
minho never considered that maybe you liked him back. he just… never did.
he recalls back to that time he met you on the train. from the first time he laid eyes on you, you piqued his curiosity. from your wet hair to your oversized pants with too much pockets to the keychains on your phone, he really wanted to get to know you better. when you told him you were free until your 12 noon class, that also spiked his interest because why the hell were you rushing to get on the 6 am train when your classes start six hours later?
your childlike wonder made him immediately want to be your friend. he didn’t question it since his close friends are a bunch of grown men with the interests and loudness of children anyway. not that he's any different.
so you two became friends. best friends over the span of two years. he was too afraid that two years is all he’d ever have with you so he didn’t consider that maybe, just maybe, that there's a chance kim seungmin is right.
he was about to speak up again before hearing his doorbell ring.
“i got it”, seungmin says.
instead of the pizza they were expecting, you were standing there, hair damp, and in pants with too much zippers this time.
minho’s heart skips a beat.
you look at seungmin then look at minho then look back at the guy in front of you.
“i- i’m sorry-”
“no. it’s alright, y/n. i was just about to leave”, seungmin reassures you.
seungmin goes back to the living room to gather his things that were scattered like he was definitely not about to leave.
minho stays silent, finally picking up his phone from across the couch and he opens it to the unsent message on his screen.
seungmin gives you a goodbye and a quick hug, and minho grimaces at the action. since when did seungmin hug his friends? the door shuts and you’re heading towards him.
he’s still. he can’t ignore you forever but he thinks he can’t face you too soon.
“look at me. i’m right in front of you and you’re still ignoring me?” you pout and minho finally looks up at you, your damp hair sticking to his shirt that you’re wearing.
you’re wearing his shirt. you really went with option b after all.
“you suck at proposals, you know?” you throw something on his lap and his eyes go to the familiar cat keychain that he saw you look at in the convenience store. “asking me to marry you and you didn’t even get me a ring.. tsk.”
your words barely sink in and his heart is still beating in a speed like never before. he looks up at you again and there you are, smiling down at him like you also feel the same.
“you-”
“yes, dumbass. i accept your horrible marriage proposal.” you’re grinning from ear to ear as you finally sit down on the couch next to him. you bring out your phone and show him the dangling other half of the magnetic keychain, attached to the jureumi keytag he gave you two years ago.
minho laughs. you accepted. you accepted the proposal that wasn’t really a proposal but more like a confession. you accepted it. you accepted him. he smiles wider at the ridiculousness of the moment.
“and i suppose these are the rings?” minho teases.
“mhm! want me to put it on your finger?”
he laughs at that but nods. you insert the wide ring of the keychain on his finger and he giggles at the empty space.
“ya, you didn’t even get my ring size right!” he teases, eyes sparkling and heart practically bursting. he thinks he’s never been this happy.
“you really shouldn’t complain”, you retort back with a smile. “i mean, really, you proposed while i’m the one kneeling down, without rings, and then left! you’re hopeless, lee minho. at least i got us something”
minho grins while shaking his head.
“i’m sorry for leaving, y/n”, he takes your hand and kisses your fingers one by one.
goosebumps run all over your body while his soft lips grace your skin. “in my defense, i didn’t know i’d be proposing.”
minho stops kissing your hand, taking your ring finger and inserting it into the empty space in the keychain right next to his.
“there. it fits perfectly.”
he looks at you, almost too fond, and you aren’t smiling anymore. you’re looking at him like you’re about to cry.
“you are so sappy. i’m in love with you, you know?” you whisper like it's a secret you are never meant to tell. minho looks at you and notices how glassy your eyes have become.
“shh. it’s okay.”
he tucks a hair strand behind your ear. “i’m in love with you too. good for us, honestly. wouldn’t want us to marry when we don’t love each other.”
he’s sure your soft laughter is better than any music ever heard in this world.
“can i hug you?” you ask him shyly.
the butterflies in his stomach are going crazy at that point but he lets out a chuckle at your question. he doesn’t quite understand how you’re still able to get so shy with him after all this time.
“you don’t have to ask.”
“i know, but just to be su-” minho interrupts you, removing the keychain from your fingers and quickly maneuvering you on top of his lap. you squeak and he encages you in a tight embrace.
you wrap your arms around his shoulders in return and you just about melt into his hug.
“you smell so good”, minho mutters while burying his nose into your neck.
your previously damp hair that is now dry made him aware of your fresh-out-of-the-shower scent, and he inhales you in so deep, wanting to stay there forever. he can’t help but press a lingering kiss on your neck.
you whimper at the unexpected kiss. minho smiles at your reaction and peppers a few more kisses. you being so close to him is much better than smelling your scent in your bathroom. his lips continue kissing and he feels you let go of the hug, deciding to grip onto the material of his hoodie instead.
“minho”, you sigh, trying to even your breathing.
“mm? what’s the matter?” he gets lost in your scent and decides that him inhaling isn’t enough. he licks the skin and groans at the shiver that runs through your whole body. “you’re so sensitive..”
he can feel you gripping the fabric tighter. he chuckles right next to your ear and that simple thing makes you shiver again which further amuses him.
minho licks another spot and he was about to suck on it, but someone rings the doorbell. he ignores it with a huff and proceeds to suck on the area. you let out a tiny moan and he smiles, sucking on it a bit harder.
to both of your dismay, the doorbell rings again and minho gathers all his self-restraint to remove himself from you.
he kisses your neck one last time before removing you from his lap. the grumpy look on his face is evident as he gets up to see what was so important that he was interrupted from marking you.
apparently it was the pizza that seungmin ordered. he thanked the delivery guy with a tip, and placed the food on the table.
you’re focused, putting the other half of the magnetic keychain on his phone case. he feels his heart melting.
“seungminnie ordered this with his money. i suppose we can enjoy this.” he grins at the mention of eating seungmin’s food and you just nod while blinking at him slowly with a blank expression. “or maybe we can eat this later.”
minho hovers over your figure and encages you on the couch. you’re just looking at him, smiling like a fool with dazed eyes.
“you wanna continue, pretty girl?” minho asks in that sickeningly sweet tone. you could’ve sworn that there was concern laced in his voice if his hand wasn’t rubbing your thigh firmly which definitely overwhelmed you some more.
“min, i..” you start speaking but the rest of your sentence dies in your throat as you look at his hand inching higher.
“mm?” he smiles down at you, noticing your hands digging into his couch. “don’t worry, baby. i’ll take care of you. will you let me?”
you nod at him. minho smiles.
“but i… i’m not sure-”
“if you’re not ready right now, it’s okay. we can just eat-”
“no!” you interrupt him quickly. “it’s okay. i mean, i want it. now. i just- i’m not sure if i can be good? i don’t know what to do.”
minho’s heart skips a beat at your words. you’re just too cute. how can you ever think you won’t be good? you’re already being so good right now.
“shh. it’s okay. you’re already perfect. i said i’ll take care of you, yeah?” minho kisses your forehead and you know for sure that everything his lips touch makes you a bit dizzy.
“sorry. i’m acting like i don’t know shit. but like, practically, i don’t? i’m not a virgin but i- i uh i’ve only slept with one person so far.”
he giggles at your nervous rambling. you’re too adorable.
“yeah. you mentioned that before. it’s okay, pretty. don’t be nervous. it’s just me.”
“i didn’t tell you it was with a… woman. the person i lost it to. so i, um, i don’t know how to handle stuff with a guy.” you confess.
minho’s cock twitches at the confession. not a single guy. he’s the first man you’ll ever have. you notice his jaw clench and he squeezes your thigh.
“you still want me?” minho asks, hoping for the obvious answer.
“want you now.”
minho nods and finally kisses you on the lips.
your lips are so soft against his. it’s so soft and perfect and somehow familiar.
he’s kissing you like it’s something he’s been practicing for his whole life. he lifts you from the couch, carrying you in his arms. your lips are slotted against each other. he licks over it and you let a moan escape making his tongue slip inside.
your mouth is so fucking perfect. so wet and so warm. his cock envies his tongue at the moment and he hurriedly opens the door to his bedroom.
he lays you down on the bed and you let out a little stretch. he laughs at your cuteness.
“take it off.” you point at his clothes. he has such a smug look on his face. this can’t be happening. no, this really is.
he removes his shirt and lays on top of you.
he’s so beautiful like this. you trace your fingers on his skin, mouth agape at your crazy hot best friend, looking down at you with a smile. you trace the scar on his abdomen that somehow makes him prettier. minho laughs at your actions.
he takes your wandering hands and pins them right beside you. he kisses you again in the same breath, harder, messier, more forceful as if he wants to consume you whole. you whine into the kiss and he all but swallows your noises, licking and biting and sucking all over your mouth.
when minho’s hands let go of your pinned arms, you scramble to hold onto his shoulders. he kisses down your neck, hands touching everywhere and eventually bunching up the fabric of his shirt you’re wearing, up and over your head.
“shit.”
his mouth kisses all the way down to your collarbones, then to your shoulders, and he pulls one of the straps down, kissing the spot where the bra strap was.
“minho, need you already.” you desperately sigh while tugging at his hair. he kept kissing all over your shoulders and down your chest, before pulling down the cups and letting your breasts spill out. his jaw clenches. even better than he thought.
“i know, baby. but let me take my time, yeah?” he says sweetly with a furrow in his brows before groping one of your tits and licking your nipple. he feels you whine and shudder at the sensation. “fuck.”
he keeps his hands full of them, continuing to lick and suck while humming in content.
at that point you can no longer help but squeeze and scratch his shoulders.
minho lets go of your nipple and grins.
“kitty likes to scratch? is this too much?” he says with fake concern in his voice while he pinches the hardened bud. your eyes close, hands gripping him tighter because of how sensitive he’s making you
“i asked you a question, baby. look at me when i ask you a question.” he brings himself back up to look at your cute face all scrunched up, his hand stroking your cheek with his thumb. this is too much. how can he be demanding yet fucking soft about it?
you open your eyes, brows furrowed in frustration.
“there we go. now answer. is this too much?” he goes back to your chest again, slowly this time, dragging his finger downwards. when he reaches your breast, he encircles your nipple and rubs it lightly, his feather-light touch making you tremble.
“yes”, you whined. “minho-”
he suddenly pinches hard and rolls it in between his fingers. you moan out loud and he chuckles, admiring how much of a mess he’s already made of you.
he unclasps your bra and dives his tongue into your mouth again while his fingers pull down the zipper on your pants. he tugs it off but is met with resistance. confused, he breaks away from the kiss and sees that it was the wrong zipper. you giggle after realizing what happened.
“you and your weird pants.” he zips down the proper zipper this time, and pulls it down along with your underwear.
your jumpy thighs immediately close at the cool air in his room but he spreads them wide for him, negating your attempts.
“shit, you’re made for me.” he runs a finger through your folds, gathering the slick that formed and spreading it all over your cunt. “so wet, baby. knew you’d leak for me just right.”
you bite your lip, muffling your sounds when his fingers come into contact with your pussy. he takes a thumb to your clit and rubs.
“min-”
“i know, baby. it’s been so long, hasn’t it?” he coos, applying more pressure. “i’ll play with it for a bit. you’ll let me, yeah?”
minho’s position in between your legs kept you from your poor attempts of bringing your thighs together. he pinches your clit softly and your hips jerk even more.
“you can’t keep still, can you?” minho chuckles. “it’s okay, i’ll make you.”
minho lays down, eyes right above your cunt. he spreads your pussy with two of his fingers before diving in for a taste. he groans. too fucking good.
your thighs enclose his head. he takes both of his arms to hold your hips down while he greedily laps at your cunt.
“mmh” he mumbles onto your wetness, alternating between lingering flicks to your clit, licking down to gather more of your slick, then back above. “hold your legs, baby. be good for me, yeah?”
you listen to him, hooking your hands below your knees. you’re crying out his name and he takes it upon himself to add his fingers to the mix.
he slips his middle finger inside, groaning at the resistance. god, your’e so fucking tight. his tongue starts sucking on your clit and you whine for him so cutely. he buries the whole finger in, making you gasp, and he temporarily releases you from his mouth.
“mm. there we go.”
minho is already drunk on your cunt at this point. he goes back to licking and sucking and thrusting and playing with it like he said he would.
he adds another finger afterwards and starts scissoring you open.
one specific curl of his fingers gets you moaning his name, more high-pitched than the previous ones. he chuckles directly on your pussy and does it again while simultaneously dragging his teeth across your clit.
you thrash under him, gripping under your legs harder, still following what he told you to do. so obedient.
minho is fucking livid. he’s messy with it. you can feel his heavy tongue and plump lips all over you. your moans are getting more frequent, your legs starting to shake.
“you feel it baby?” minho says in between licks, his fingers continuing to abuse that one spot. you think you’re about to burst.
“min- please. i’ll-”
“cum on my tongue.” he orders and your body follows him. you cum so dizzyingly hard and minho continues dragging his hot tongue on your cunt. you let go of your thighs and push his head crying about it being too much.
he pulls off with a smile, licking his fingers that were just in you. intoxicating.
you’re breathing heavily, eyes closed from the intense orgasm and thighs practically vibrating. your hair is messy on his sheets, parts of your sucked red and purple, your pussy glistening because of him. all of it, because of him. you’re so fucking insatiable.
he runs his hand up your shaking thighs and you flinch at his touch. he rubs his hand on your swollen clit and you flinch harder, still sensitive.
“poor baby is twitching. can’t wait to be buried right here.” he drags his hand up from your cunt to your lower belly and pushes down. you squirm. after a while, you finally open your eyes and look at him.
he’s smiling wide, mouth a whole mess, even his nose was a bit wet because of you. you’d be embarrassed but he’s so fucking pretty and it turns you on even more.
“n-need a moment, min.” you say in a hushed tone, still trying to even your breathing. minho nods and lies down next to you, tucking your hair behind your ear again. how is he so soft?
“take your time. you’re so beautiful all spread like this.” his voice is so fond. “could stare at you all day.”
“you’re pretty too.” you tell him with a smile, eyes traveling down his form.
he’s still wearing his sweatpants and you notice his dick poking through it. your curious hands travel down his stomach to the bulging outline in his pants. minho hisses and grabs your hand.
“you’re going to drive me insane.” minho is too fucking hard and he’s trying his best to wait since you needed your moment. but the way you look in front of him, fully naked with your innocent eyes and soft hands wanting to grab his dick, he might just lose it.
“wanna see it, min. can i?” you ask.
you’re a goddamn angel. you’re asking permission and that somehow makes his cock twitch. he can’t really resist you, not when you’re looking at him like that. and not like he wanted to anyway.
he sits against his headboard, motioning you to sit on his lap. he rubs your thighs gently. you’re so warm on top of him. so pretty.
“pull it out then.”
with shaky hands, you pull down his sweatpants just enough to pull his hard cock out. he bites his lip when your soft fucking hands touch his dick. he can feel his ego inflating when you gasp and look at it with wide eyes.
he’s big. you haven’t seen a lot of dicks but you know it's big. thicker than what you’ve seen in the media, and a bit more than average in length.
“it’s..”
“hm?”
“it’s really pretty like you.”
minho laughs at your statement. you have his hard cock in your soft hands and you’re calling him pretty. you’re too fucking cute.
you notice it’s already leaking a considerable amount. you swipe experimentally at the tip and he grips your thighs harder.
“baby”, he speaks in warning.
“mm?” you continue caressing his dick, admiring how his thigh muscles clench and his breathing hitches.
“don’t be a brat. you said you needed a moment.”
“but you’re so sensitive here too?” you return the faux concern to him. you squeeze just below the tip and he moans. “wanna play with it, min. like you did with me.”
oh? you’re getting bold? minho clenches his jaw, glaring at you. he wanted you to stop before he cums too soon, but your soft and warm fucking hands felt too good on his cock. he tries to distract you.
“grab a condom from my drawer, baby.” thankfully, you obey. you notice it’s the new condoms. who knew he really was gonna use it for you.
you open the foil, and he guides you to slip it down his cock. eventually, you start stroking him again and he whimpers.
“see? you like it!” you say confidently while minho’s brain starts glitching. “you’re gonna lay there for me, won’t you?”
you’re getting cocky. and somehow it’s turning him on more. you’re on top of him acting like a big girl. he likes that. he’ll put you back in place eventually.
“yeah? you wanna play?”
you nod with a faint smile, still softly stroking his dick.
“we’ll play on my own terms, pretty.”
he grabs your hips with rough palms and sits you right on top of his cock. both of you moan at the wetness. he grips your hips and grinds you down.
“minho-” you whine, gripping onto his shoulders.
you’re squirming again, trying to get out of his hold on. your clit is still a bit sensitive from earlier yet he’s dragging it on his wet cock like he wants it to overwhelm you. minho grunts.
“said you wanted to play with it. you don’t like this?” minho says, his voice like honey right next to your ear.
he’s fucking pressing you down on it. your thighs are so fidgety but his strong hands are still holding your hips down, making you take it.
you just whimper and he laughs.
“your moment passed, baby. i’m gonna fuck you now.”
minho swiftly pins you down under him, tapping his cock on your clit.
“shit, min-”
“you ready, baby?”
“still sensitive. don’t know if i’ll last”, you answer honestly. minho kisses your forehead.
“it’s alright, y/n. it’s just me.”
you nod at him and he collects your slick on his cock, hissing through his teeth. he pushes one of your legs up, his other hand slowly inching the tip in your entrance.
“fuck.”
you’re clutching the sheets. it fucking hurts. you’re both so wet against each other but his huge fucking cock felt too much.
“hurts, min.”
minho hums, stopping his movements. his tip is already in, and he starts to press soft kisses on your neck again.
he rubs on your clit and you twitch under him, inserting his cock in you even more slowly.
you’re so fucking tight. tight and wet and fucking perfect. you’re clenching so hard on him, he can barely slip inside without using his hand to guide him in. he’s breathing heavily above you, and he notices you stopped breathing altogether.
“baby, breathe.” he caresses your thigh softly. “i know it hurts but i promise it’s gonna be good later. breathe for me. try to relax.”
his soft voice is washing over your senses. you nod as you try to follow his words. who knew taking his cock would be so fucking hard?
“there you go. not used to taking big cocks, huh?” minho teases which gets you laughing airily. “i suppose you’re not used to taking cocks at all. so i should really make this good for you.”
you take a moment to try and focus on something else other than that thing penetrating you. you look at minho smiling down at you, eyes fucking sparkling like he’s waited for this his whole life. he’s really so beautiful. if you knew he’d look this pretty for you right from the start, you would’ve approached him sooner on the train. it doesn’t matter though. you have him now.
“you can try moving again.” you softly mutter.
minho rubs on your clit a bit more firmly, and keeps whispering in your ear while situating himself inside.
“so good, baby. you have no idea.”
“you’re clenching so much. try to relax. for me? don’t wanna cum while i’m not even halfway inside you.”
“shit, feels perfect in here.”
“there we go. shh sh, it’s alright you’re doing so well.”
“just a few more. still hurts?”
“feels full? i know, pretty. but just a bit more.”
he talks you through it and you swear your mind is already fuzzy by the time he bottoms out.
“you took it all. i’m so proud of you.” he says with a kiss on your cheek. he feels your cunt clench around him at his words and he smiles.
“min- fuck, it’s so deep.”
“i know. let me know if i can move, yeah?” minho is gripping onto the sheets. you’re so fucking snug and wet around his cock. it’s better than any fucking thing ever. he could stay buried here.
after a few soft kisses and involuntary clenches, you decide that you’re ready for him to move. minho pushes your leg higher, dragging himself out and slowly sliding back in with a little force.
“shit, minho.”
“you’re so tight. fucking gripping me.”
minho repeats the motions, slow but hard, and soon enough you’re squeezing his arms and moaning his name. you can feel him rub against a certain spot and you’re sure you’re about to explode.
“p-please go faster.”
“you sure?”
“yes, min. fuck- just. please.”
minho kneels and presses both of your legs to your chest. he slips his cock inside you hard and gets to a pace quicker than before. he fits so well. you start screaming from him as his dick rubs against your g-spot even better and he starts kissing your mouth again. he licks and sucks on your tongue, and lifts your hips a bit higher and angles his hips a bit differently then rams his cock into you.
“f-fuck, minho. n-not so hard.” you cry out, wincing at the pain of him nudging your cervix. it’s fucking painful. minho apologizes and pulls out, rubbing his head on your clit to get your mind off the pain.
“i wanna try something. wanna take you from behind. you alright with that?” minho says softly.
“o-okay.” you nod, and minho presses a sweet kiss to your lips before flipping you over.
he manhandles you to a position he likes, ass up, face down, spreading your legs a bit wider. you’re a dream. he taps his tip on your pussy, which gets your whining, before slipping inside and continuing his pace.
you’re squirming and moaning much more. somehow, his dick felt even better in this position. minho grabs your ass and thrusts just how he likes. you’re crying out his name.
“mmm. letting me do this to you.. you like taking big cocks, baby?” he says, gripping your bruised hips so tight like it’s his job. you’re nodding, hair messy all over his pillows.
“o-only yours.” you cry out loud. you’re already drooling but he can’t see that.
“that’s right. only mine. i’ll train you to please it. train you to crave it. you’ll like that, won't you?”
he angles his hips and slams into that fucking spot which gets you twitching under him.
“i asked you a question, baby. what did i tell you to do when i ask you a question?”
he gets one of his hands to pull both your arms together, tugging so your head would be lifted up. minho takes his other hand, holding your jaw firmly. you look behind you, staring at him, and he sees how fucking beautiful you are. your cheeks are stained with tears, your chin wobbling with drool over them, your eyes glassy and dazed from how good he’s fucking you.
“that’s right. thought you forgot.” he keeps thrusting and you’re moaning so loud as if it’s the only thing you’re good for. “so? would you like that? train you to be mine?”
minho is so fucking mean.
you try to answer. you really do. but every time your mouth moves, he just slams into that spot that gets you moaning his name instead.
“can’t even speak?” minho laughs and decides to let go of your face. you fall back into the pillows.
“i’ll let it slide for now since i have to make sure to fuck you good.”
he carries on with his thrusts. you’re trying so hard to prolong your orgasm, not wanting this to end. he starts groping your tits from behind you, his other hand rubbing your clit in quick motions. fuck.
minho is so close. your pussy is so fucking wet and the recoil of your ass from his thrusts is driving him insane. you can’t control your moans and he knows you’re close as well.
“you close, baby?” he huffs.
“yes, min. i’m- s-o close.”
“hold it.”
you fucking groan. minho’s brows are furrowed, he’s focusing on your wet fucking cunt squelching so loud from his rubbing and thrusting. your legs start to shake violently, minho slaps your ass from how fucking dirty you look and feel around him.
“min, i can’t-”
“you can.”
“no-”
“just a little more. you’re cumming with me.”
minho is thrusting like a mad man. his grip on you is so tight, and you’re fucking begging for him to let you cum.
“pleasepleaseplease-”
“cum.”
you jerk violently under him while moaning his name, and he’s cumming. he’s cumming so fucking hard. harder than he ever had in his life. it’s so good. so fucking addicting. he’s moaning in your ear, you’re clenching around him so hard and it’s so wet and overwhelming. he tries to pull out but you’re gripping his cock fucking tightly like you’re made to keep him there. he feels himself weaken and he slumps on top of you.
it takes him a few moments to regain himself, and he slowly removes himself from inside you.
you were in a faraway place. your body feels too light, but also so heavy that you can’t move. you can’t think either. you feel minho flipping you on your back. he’s talking so sweetly but you can’t really register his words while he kisses your lips, then your nose, then your forehead, then the top of your head.
he mutters something about cleaning you both and you’re too far away to respond. it’s good. you feel fucking great. after a while, the bed dips and he’s running a warm cloth in between your thighs.
you’re so pretty, he thinks. like his personal angel. you’re laying their dazed, and he thinks he’s the luckiest fucking person in the world. he can see your eyes getting droopy, about to pass out from the amazing sex you both had.
minho dresses you both, and wraps you in his blanket.
“you’re too cute. i’ll be here when you wake up.”
after a few hours, you wake up with your entire body aching. it’s usual for you since you manage to sleep in odd positions. but this time, it ached in new places. you chuckle at the memory. you sit back up and rub your eyes.
minho enters his room, glad that you’re already awake.
“sleep well?”
you nod. you notice he’s carrying a paper bag in his hands. minho drops it on his desk and heads to your soft form on his bed. he kisses you on the mouth and you freeze with a blush.
minho notices and laughs at you.
“i already had my tongue in you and you’re blushing at a little kiss?” he smiles widely. his words make you blush more.
“you took me by surprise is all...” you try defending yourself. you know you wouldn’t get used to your friend being so physically intimate with you any time soon. you can’t help but feel all shy.
it’s minho, for fuck’s sake. your asshole friend who keeps stealing your food and taking horrible pictures of you. but that’s exactly why.
it’s minho. your asshole friend who’s too sweet and pretty and funny for his own good.
“what’s going through your pretty head?” minho asks, tracing his fingers on your bare thigh.. your smooth thigh he can now touch like this.
“i can’t believe we skipped the marriage and went straight to the honeymoon” you tease. he laughs with you.
“yeah we kinda suck at this. skipping the boyfriend-girlfriend phase and straight to engagement..” minho mumbles with a smile while kissing your bruised neck. “then skipping the marriage and straight to consummation.”
you shiver while giggling at his kisses. you’re so sensitive for him. he likes that.
“wouldn’t have it any other way.” you say.
his hands inch higher and higher on your thighs until he gets interrupted by the grumble of your stomach. both of you laugh.
“we have all the time in the world to continue later. let’s get you fed.” minho grins, pulling you from the bed.
“oh and”, minho smiles widely, giving you the paper bag. you look at the contents with a grin of success on your face. “there’s your pudding. compounded.”
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a/n: that was a lot. stretch a bit, drink some water, wash your face. that's what i did after writing lololol. i rlly hope this wasn't too much.. ALSO i tagged ppl who were asking for a part 2. if u want to get removed pls lmk!
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tags: @stayinlimbo @all4minnie @emmaluvsjisung @ddiidi @8bigguys @sunnysidesins
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Stolas just standing there and letting blitz hug him in the end is all good, right? He is just sad because of octavia and accepting that blitz is there with him right?? It's not that he regrets chosing him, right??? (I just need affirmation)
You know what? I've found myself needing reassurance about this too. So let's take a moment to look at the facts together, shall we?
(This reply turned out way longer than I expected it to 😅 sorry!)
Fact #1 - Stolas is still coming to terms with the consequences of his actions. He spends the whole episode finding out just how much his life has changed. Learning how to navigate groceries, and laundry, and meals, and having a job, and worrying about money.
Mid-episode, he has a breakdown where he truly questions if everything he gave up was worth it just for a fantasy. At this point in the episode, he still hasn't realised how much he means to Blitz. As far as he's concerned, he did all of this for someone who doesn't reciprocate his feelings. By the end of the episode, though, his feelings have settled enough for him to express what he has known to be true all along: that saving Blitz was the right thing to do.
What Stolas regrets isn't saving Blitz's life, or even loving Blitz in the first place.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/253cb9339b709c31847853b42a9995fb/ed0151cadc4e47ed-6f/s540x810/e22074f4384638fe6af4ce72e9609d3b9c38684e.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8430b14521a1ed35ec7be7aaf62f2c82/ed0151cadc4e47ed-08/s540x810/f6ebeef07f88c92d2efc1577e8e89e3455c98e65.jpg)
What he regrets are the choices he made that led them to this. He feels guilty for selfishly (or, rather, naively) playing out his fantasies. He's the one who established the deal, who let Blitz illegally use the book for many months, who wasn't always sensible about how he expressed his love for Blitz publicly and despite being married, and who allowed himself to ignore the reality of his situation so he could live in his own, personal romcom—all of which ultimately led to the events of Mastermind and the loss of Via.
And all the guilt and regret he's grappling with (however justified it might be) is exacerbated by fact #2, which is:
Fact #2 - Stolas is off his medication. He's been off it for a month now. Symptoms of depression (especially untreated depression) include mood swings, irritability, self-hatred and low self-esteem, passive/active suicidal ideation, pessimism and hopelessness about the future, catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure and to find joy in things—and people—who used to bring you it). All symptoms Stolas exhibits throughout this episode.
So, even if he shows a lack of emotion toward Blitz at times, or irritation to seemingly minor things like low doors or "secretating" or Karen's behaviour, even if he acts regretful and angry and desolate... a lot of these emotions and behaviours are a result of his depression, and not of actually hating the life he chose.
Fact #3 - Stolas loves Blitz. He always has, and always will. I could point at a thousand different moments in the show when Stolas' love for Blitz has transpired, but I'm going to leave it at his line from Mastermind: "I would rather be dead than live life without you by my side."
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/84d8ed409ad3e52390016d0ff0e10b0f/ed0151cadc4e47ed-bb/s540x810/56c344b9dd2cea535e074a29e92a85b8b3dc1118.jpg)
Even after everything they've gone through, even now that he's taken Blitz off his pedestal and can acknowledge that Blitz can be a fucking idiot... Stolas simply does not want to live a life without Blitz. It has always been Blitz. It will always be Blitz.
Stolas loves Blitz.
Fact #4 - Stolas kissed Blitz. Before he truly hits rock bottom as a result of Octavia cutting him out, Stolas is so ecstatic that Blitz cares, that Blitz was willing to go to such lengths to save his life, that he can't hold back the need to kiss Blitz mid-air. Suddenly, none of his earlier frustration matters. Nothing matters expect for how elated he is that Blitz loves him back. So he smiles and he pulls Blitz into a kiss because he can't bear not to kiss Blitz for a moment longer.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7ff230319eed29e91e12ee1e6bcf8f47/ed0151cadc4e47ed-95/s540x810/c1f6ce98e0c017c1ca05dd8dce9197d7d81c057d.jpg)
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Look at this man. Look at how happy he is. Because it's always been Blitz, and maybe it was a fantasy for a long time, but it doesn't have to be anymore. Maybe this can be real now. He's so happy he (and I) could cry.
Fact #5 - Stolas didn't deny loving Blitz. When Via said "You don't love me, you love him," the script very purposefully did not have Stolas go "no, no, Via, that's not true—" or say anything else that might make Blitz doubt, even for a moment, that Stolas loves him. Because that much is true. He does love Blitz. He just also loves Via. Which brings me to:
Fact #6 - Blitz knows Stolas loves him. At no point throughout the episode does Blitz doubt, even for a second, that Stolas loves him. And we know this because Blitz's walls remain down at all times. If Blitz doubted he was loved, if he had even the slightest of reservations, those walls would come crawling back up whether he wanted them to or not. It's what he's been trained and conditioned to do—it's how he's kept his heart safe ever since the accident.
But now, he knows his heart is safe with Stolas. He believes it enough to not depend on his walls to feel at ease. He believes it enough to let himself take care of Stolas and be soft with Stolas without the slightest trace of hesitation.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5a342bb40281824f237d9756594fc694/ed0151cadc4e47ed-cf/s540x810/03a2d38bda15c3aa076a46a1a58f65a42acbbd4d.jpg)
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Look at Blitz's face. This is the face of a man who knows that even if Stolas isn't okay right now, things will get better. And when they do, they'll both still be in love with each other. This is the face of a man who can't wait for something beautiful to flourish between them, but who is in no rush to get there. He knows the road ahead is hard and painful, but he has faith in Stolas. In both of them.
Fact #6 - Stolas was happy to share a private, romantic dance with Blitz. Despite everything going through his mind, he found comfort and happiness in dancing with Blitz; in getting to have this little moment with him.
He found relief in the fact that Blitz stayed with him this time, even after Stolas told him, once again, that he didn't have to stay.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c76ca77fb3b6c3def34440edef5c0faa/ed0151cadc4e47ed-2c/s540x810/d2ff97ac1ace3bddad6f8a870eeb0dcdb16cc873.jpg)
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His reaction to Blitz initiating a dance between them is genuine surprise, immediately followed by an enamoured little smile at the mere notion that he gets to have this, now.
And, as they dance, he keeps smiling and leaning into Blitz, going as far as to manage a deep, heartfelt laugh at Blitz's words. This, for an unmedicated, depressed person going through one of the worst days of his life, is huge in itself. It shows that, even in the worst of times, he finds undeniable comfort and happiness in Blitz.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/33d058cb160db3c718afd4f86bc510e0/ed0151cadc4e47ed-77/s540x810/4a2c74123a9c505d85fc1db8fdd91f9b3eaaf701.jpg)
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And, after their dance, Stolas looks at Blitz with a sobriety and soft sort of realisation that shows he's finally coming to terms with the fact that this is real. After everything he's lost, after all the fantasies he hoped for for so long and believed he'd never have, he finally gets to have this.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d39ef5c9714b578c605ca364405a8635/ed0151cadc4e47ed-5b/s540x810/6da60d4a341a6ca4beb934b1065e6a5ee1d1c622.jpg)
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Despite the pain he's going through, Stolas looks at Blitz and sees the man he loves.
Notice how Blitz's eyes trail down to Stolas' mouth. And Stolas realises. And doesn't move away. Waiting, expectantly, for Blitz's next move, fully expecting it to be a kiss.
But then Blitz hugs him instead, and Stolas doesn't hug back.
And it's not because he doesn't want to be hugged by Blitz. It's not because his feelings for Blitz have changed, or dimmed, or disappeared. It's not because he regrets loving Blitz, or saving him. It's not because he doesn't want to have a close, healthy, loving romantic relationship with Blitz.
It's because of facts #1 (he's grappling with so much guilt and coming to terms with the consequences of his actions) and #2 (he's experiencing symptoms of unmedicated depression). And, above all, it's because of fact #7, which is...
Fact #7 - Stolas doesn't know how to be loved. Stolas has never had support. He has never had a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hold him when he needed it. When he's feeling vulnerable and broken, he defaults to hugging himself as a way to self-soothe, because that's the only comfort he's ever known.
And because he's never known comfort from others—because it was never allowed or safe for him to need or ask for comfort from others—all Stolas knows to do with his vulnerability is hide it. So much so that, the two times we see him begin to break down in front of Blitz before this episode, he either portals Blitz away or masks his tears and pain immediately. Even as he drunkenly rambles about wanting to be held, he still makes sure not to appear like he actually needs a hug.
So when he finds himself being held by Blitz in a warm, comforting hug, Stolas doesn't know how to respond. Because he's never had this. He's never had an opportunity to learn how to exist in someone's comforting embrace, how to interact with this kind of physical contact. He still has to learn how to feel safe between arms that aren't his own.
Simply put, Stolas still doesn't know how to hold Blitz back.
That doesn't mean Stolas doesn't want or need physical comfort. He needs it desperately—everyone does. But wanting something and knowing how to actually have it are two very different things, and Blitz knows that better than anyone, because he's wanted Stolas for a very long time, but didn't, until very recently, know how to feel safe accepting Stolas' love.
And that's why Blitz is completely understanding of the fact that all Stolas can do, all Stolas has the ability to do, is stand there and let himself be held, and let his emotions go through him. In, and out, with every breath, with every second. And get slowly acquainted with what being comforted by the person he loves feels like.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0c2260c83c5d37474723be720748f36f/ed0151cadc4e47ed-86/s540x810/ac7d8a94ffc98b6644b26028dd5152c8f1d72bc6.jpg)
Thirty-something years of trauma can't be undone in a single hug, or a single conversation, and it's going to take time for Stolas to learn how to be present while in Blitz's arms, and how to return that emotional closeness.
But Blitz has faith in him. Blitz is willing to be patient and soft with him while he gets better. Blitz is ready to meet Stolas where he's at, because he knows, beyond a trace of doubt, that they love one another, and they're going to be okay. Even if Stolas doesn't know it yet—even if we, the audience don't know it yet—Blitz knows.
And that's just going to have to be enough for now.
And because this post got completely away from me, I shall conclude by quoting their song, because it summarises their story better than I ever could:
Truer love is hard to find. ❤️
#helluva boss sinsmas#helluva boss spoilers#helluva boss#stolitz#Long post#helluva boss meta#helluva boss stolas#helluva boss blitz#blitz helluva boss#stolas helluva boss#stolas goetia#Blitzo#image description in alt
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This was nice to focus on! Thank you for all the suggestions. If you haven't already, go give these clangens a look!
Ravenstar, @fallenclan - Well, if it isn't the consequences of his own actions. What a guy tho (derogatory (<- lie I love to hate him))
Moonpaw, @splinterclan - That is my daughter, and I will forever be beyond heartbroken. Forever :)
Magpie, @ranchclan - I haven't read this one yet BUT WHAT A CREATURE??!! Like peak design, that's just lil guy
Owlstar, @loudclan-clangen - You need to know that I hate this guy in the most loving way possible. How does one man have so much wet cat energy, but in like a net-negative way?
#katchat#clangen#welcome to chasingclan territory#not a single one of you would survive here for so many reasons
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Go for his brother part 3
Part 2
Part 1
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charles_leclerc The day @/y/n_leclerc and I decided to spent the forever together
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y/n_leclerc Did I mention I'm in love with you? 😭
↳charles_leclerc Yeah I think you mentioned that a few times in the vows, ma chérie
y/n_leclerc I love it when you call me french terms of endearment oh my god 😩
username1 SHE'S HOOKED
↳username2 FOR LIFE 🤞
pierregasly And I really thought I wouldn't see that day
↳y/n_leclerc Life's full of surprises isn't it?
username3 Charles calls her ma chérie, Arthur used to call her mon bébé 😭 do you get deja vu
↳username4 y/n: *breathes* y'all: do you get deja vu omg she used to breathe with Arthur 😭
↳username5 You remember mon bébé but do you remember chouchou? 😭
username3 OMG YES he used to call her chouchou and she used to call him Thurthur 😭
username4 GET. OVER. THEM. Y/n is now married to Charles BESIDES Arthur CHEATED on her. She deserved better than Arthur and now she has it.
pascale_leclerc Congratulations my loves ❤️😘 the wedding was beautiful
↳y/n_leclerc Merci maman🫶
↳username3 Pascale is just happy to have Y/n in her family and I live for this
username2 Maybe it was all Pascale's idea, when she found out Arthur cheated, she told Charles to keep Y/n in the family lmao
username3 And he stayed committed to the job💪
danielricciardo The instant photos part was awesome, I bet it was Y/n's idea
↳y/n_leclerc Yes it was 🫡and it was really nice to see you, Max, Lando and Carlos having lots of fun with it once the alcohol kicked in
charles_leclerc Not to mention now we have some things to blackmail you with
danielricciardo Bold of you to assume I'd be ashamed of any of these, Charles
carlossainz55 Looking forward to seeing Y/n in the paddock more often! 😊
↳y/n_leclerc You know, Carlos, some people have jobs... You should look it up sometime...🫶
↳username5 Is she now gonna go for Carlos lmao
scuderiaferrari Big day for our favorite couple ❤️ evviva gli sposi 👏
↳charles_leclerc Grazie mille❤️❤️
↳y/n_leclerc We're the favorite couple 🥹
georgerussell63 Even though you were engaged I didn't believe you'd actually do it until it happened
↳charles_leclerc Thanks George, supportive as always
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username1 That's what I call KARMA
username2 But when are we going to talk about the argument Arthur and Charles had before the wedding?
↳username3 What were you in their house? Lmao
username2 Another gossip page said that Arthur and Charles argued in front of the wedding chapel
username3 That's so unrealistic, don't trust everything you see on these pages
username4 Hey so do we know if there were any arguments?
↳f1gossip There's no way we'd have any information on that, it was a very private ceremony. That is highly doubtful though, I don't think this could've happened. Even Arthur knows better than acting like this on his brother's wedding day.
username3 That's so right, Arthur isn't dumb enough to act like a dick on his brother's wedding day, he knows it's his own fault
username5 Yeah it would be so weird if Arthur was playing angry now like man it's all consequences of your own actions, be an adult
username6 Even if it wasn't showing, Arthur was definitely dying on the inside. Imagine seeing your ex girlfriend at the altar next to your brother. You're thinking "it should be me with her", but it's too late
↳username7 One day Y/n and Charles will have kids, they'll be a happy family. Charles will have everything Arthur could want - a seat in F1, Y/n as his wife, little Leclerc(s) running around. Arthur will always be the "less successful" Leclerc. No wonder Lorenzo stays out of the spotlight
username8 Now you're making it sound depressing lol
username7 Tbh I cried a little thinking about this even though I know that's what Arthur deserves for cheating on Y/n
username9 I wonder what happened between Arthur and [ex best friend's name]
↳f1gossip She allegedly broke up with him and a few days later was seen on a date with a fellow Formula 2 driver.
username7 This keeps getting better
username9 WHO???? I NEED TO KNOW???
username8 I saw someone say she was seen with that Piñacolada guy
username9 Piñacolada?? Do you mean Franco Colapinto?? 💀
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y/n_leclerc Charles isn't my fiancé anymore 👰♀️🤵
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charles_leclerc I told you it's not the best way to say it
↳y/n_leclerc You can't stop me, tesoro
username1 OMG I've just noticed Y/n changed her username
↳username2 well, she got married...
lilymhe Wedding of the century
francisca.cgomes Every little girl dreams of a perfect wedding. That was this wedding
↳exbestfriend I've never dreamt of a wedding as a kid
francisca.cgomes Girl nobody asked
exbestfriend Why would a kid think about it? Don't they have better things to do? Like playing with toys and BEING A KID?
y/n_leclerc Pls not under my wedding post, get your jealous ass outta here
yoursister I'm so proud of you Y/n 😭
↳y/n_leclerc I know, you couldn't stop crying 😭
yoursister You know it were happy tears, I love you so much 😭
username3 LMAO [ex best friend's name]'s comments are pure comedy 💀 do you think she'll try to steal Charles now?
↳username4 Doesn't matter, Charles will never cheat on Y/n
arthur_leclerc You looked amazing
↳username2 Get the fuck out of this comment section
↳username3 All you can do about it now is cry, you wasted your chance
↳username4 The way Y/n doesn't even bother to reply
alex_albon I bet you wouldn't have the guts to wear the dress to the paddock next race
↳y/n_leclerc You're right, I won't 🙌 it's too beautiful to take any risks
charlottesiine Dream dress 🤍
↳y/n_leclerc I know right 🥹 when I saw it I knew right away THAT'S THE ONE
↳username5 wtf what's Cha doing here
username6 They follow each other since that one time they hung out together
username5 ahh the famous "we both suffered a Leclerc" thing
username7 GUYS I AM CRYING Cha said dream dress, I wonder if she's thinking it should be hers, like she should be in Y/n's place 🥹😭
↳username8 Y'all need to stop, first talking about Arthur, now about Charlotte. Go touch some grass
username7 but, unlike Y/nArthur, ChaCha broke up on good terms, so this could be her
username8 But it's not. Grow up. So disrespectful to talk about it on a wedding post
username9 I am really happy for Y/n and Charles. But I can't stop thinking this could be Y/n and Arthur. Or Charles and Charlotte
↳username7 I bet Arthur also can't stop thinking about this lmao he'll never find someone who'll love him as much as Y/n did
username9 Let's not go that far maybe...?
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username1 Their voices are so similar 😭 do you think Y/n sometimes accidentally calls Charles Arthur?
↳username2 Do you think she sometimes says the wrong name in bed? 💀
username3 This whole story, from the moment Arthur cheated to the end of this interview, is my Roman Empire
username4 I love that they stay on good terms even after what happened with Y/n
↳username1 In this exact interview Arthur said he didn't talk to Charles for WEEKS, he didn't even show up on the family dinners, until one day he understood he can only blame himself
username5 You can see that Arthur is happy for his big brother, but in his voice you can hear the pain 😭
username6 When Arthur said "Now I see what I did was hurtful and I'm glad it was Charles who took care of Y/n after it happened, instead of some random guy who would possibly repeat my mistake" it broke me 😭
↳username7 "Y/n is an amazing woman and I hope Charles will give her everything I couldn't." 😭😭
username8 when Ch asked "do you think you'd deserve a second chance? if Y/n and I weren't married, of course" as a joke and A replied "honestly? no, I was a douchebag and the cheating wasn't the only issue in our relationship, she truly deserved better" AND THEN GAVE HIS BROTHER A BIG SMILE WTF?? 😭😭
username9 At least he realizes his mistakes😭
username4 Not only cheating?? What else?? I need to know immediately
username8 They didn't say it in the video, I doubt they would ever say it publicly unless Y/n decides to speak about it (but I don't see why would she, being happily married now)
username10 They should release one interview of the Leclercs just talking about this whole Y/n situation
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y/n_leclerc Maybe it all happened a bit quick, but my husband is a race driver for a reason
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lilymhe I GASPED when I saw the caption
↳charles_leclerc I asked her nicely to look for some basic quote 🙁
pascale_leclerc Can't wait to meet our little Leclerc❤️
↳y/n_leclerc You'll be the first one to find out❤️
yoursister That's how I find out? Through a post?😭
↳y/n_leclerc I wanted to surprise you 🥹
yoursister I'm kidding, I'm happy for you guys 🩷
francisca.cgomes Someone check on Arthur
↳y/n_leclerc KIKA!!!!
↳username1 I love Kika 😭
↳username2 Jokes aside someone really needs to check up on him
arthur_leclerc It really suits you 🩷
↳y/n_leclerc Don't say that to Charles, he already told me he'd like 2 more 😭 I don't think I wanna go further than just this one
charles_leclerc I'm not gonna force you! If you wanna stop at one, that's fine by me
y/n_leclerc We can get a puppy instead? Right now it would be perfect so the puppy and the baby can entertain each other and grow up together
charles_leclerc Alright, ma chérie, we can talk about that 😂
↳username1 "I hope Charles gives her everything I couldn't" 😭 so that's what he meant
↳username2 Alexa play the one that got away by Katy Perry
username3 I just know Arthur will be the fun uncle omg
↳username4 I don't think he'll spend much time with the baby, if I were him it would always make me think "wow, that baby could be mine if I didn't mess up" 💀
username3 It seems like he understood his mistake and came to terms with the consequences. Plus, he didn't say it, but I feel like in the video shared by the gossip page he implied not wanting kids
username4 What do you mean? How?
username3 "I hope Charles gives her everything I couldn't" and then said the cheating wasn't the only reason for the breakup and now, a few weeks pass and we get the pregnancy announcement
username4 Well, maybe getting cheated on didn't work out so badly for Y/n in the end
alex_albon Project Verstappen? 😏
↳georgerussell63 *project Hamilton
charles_leclerc *project Leclerc 😌
alex_albon Better start saving up for the baby's therapy then
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charles_leclerc Welcome home, Jules Hervé Leclerc, born July 17 🤍
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#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula 1 x reader#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc imagine#f1 smau#f1 social media au#charles leclerc smau#Charles leclerc social media au
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So.. guess who is back with more thoughts about Wanda's really nice hands, and long nails?
Me.
I am the one who can't think about anything else but those perfect hands 🙆
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You have many bad habits. You would bite your nails — or your lips, depending on your current mood — and skip meals sometimes. The woman hates that, but there is one bad habit of yours that she doesn't want to fix because she finds it absolutely endearing, and it is the way you are always avoiding her gaze.
She had quickly noticed that you were unable to hold eye contact with her for more than a few seconds, crumbling under a simple glance. She loves to slowly drag her index all the way up your neck until it finds a place under your chin. She loves to apply a slight pressure here, forcing you to tilt your head back until you have no choice but look at her, directly in the eyes. She loves the embarrassment she can read on your face.
—
Sometimes, you forget to think, and words you regret eventually fall past your pretty lips. Words that you do not mean, but would still get you in trouble with the woman — “Shut it, before you say something I'll make you regret,” she reprimands, and you can feel her nails slowly digging into your cheeks.
She is right. You don't want to suffer the consequences of your own actions, you were just craving for some of her attention. She has been so busy with her job lately that you've been feeling left out. Eventually, her thumb would find its way in your mouth, and you would just accept it.
“Isn't it what you wanted, honey? My whole attention? No, don't get shy now that you have it, and use your words to tell mommy what you want,” she teases, and suddenly you find yourself unable to speak — god, there is nothing she likes more than seeing how fast she can make you shut the fuck up and how quick she can turn you into her perfect, and obedient, little girl. One that would do anything she asks without thinking twice about it.
—
She does it on purpose, and you know it. The woman keeps pretending that she left these marks by accident, but you can see in her smile that she meant every one of them.
She loves them.
She loves to see those red crescents that decorate your skin. They are the reminder of who you are belonging to. They are the memory of the nights you've shared, and her not so gentle touches. Most of those are left when you try to squirm out of her grasp, when she has to dig her nails into your hips in order to keep you still while she ruins her precious baby.
—
That is something she loves to do, grabbing you by the hips whenever she is given the chance to. It is not her fault that you are looking so adorable that it gives her the urge to have her hands on your body, and to slowly draw pattern on your skin.
Most of the time, the woman would just sneak up behind you when you are busy, and you would have no idea that she was coming before you could feel her nails slightly digging into your skin and her soft breath brushing your neck.
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