#look i took an ethics class and it was filled with nurses you need to take that course

[thanatoseyes]

So I'm watching this documentary on HBO called Savior Complex. It's very well executed. And I'm on the second episode and they are interviewing this girl's mother. The 'boss' mother of this organization. And they're talking about an employee who left after three months and she's saying I don't think its fair to say that her daughter was immoral or unethical. And the thing is. This woman, the daughter, has no medical training. Formal medical training. No idea how to diagnose, reevaluate, and administer proper medication. It doesn't matter if she has great moral standing and she's trying to help. It doesn't matter that she was taught how to put an I.V. in or how to measure arm measurements for malnutrition. She's playing with prescription medication that she has no training with. She's not a hospital and she's not upholding medical standards. What she's doing is unethical. She's causing harm where she's trying to do good. On a scale that wouldn't be possible if she didn't have the backing of evangelists within her church. What she's doing is wrong. It doesn't matter if she's doing it in the name of the Lord or from the goodness of her heart. She's actively taking part in dubious medical practices where she could have given the resources to trained professionals. She could have kept doing the basic treatment of housing and feeding individuals and then just taking them to the doctors. But she took it a step further where she had no basis of knowledge.

[queerchoicesblog]

A Promise Kept (OH/WT Crossover, Harper Emery & Ellen Thompson, Friendship)

As anticipated, my very first (official) crossover fanfic for the entry Friendship of the @choicesjulychallenge hosted by @kinda-iconic  ❤️

As I was playing Wishful Thinking I had this crazy idea: I started picturing an Ellen Thompson & Harper Emery friendship. They’re about the same age, they’re both devoted and esteemed professionals (dealing with scumbags like Ellen’s boss and Declan Nash *cough cough*)...long story short a friend-ship canon started shaping. And that’s the result: hope you like it!

Disclaimer: The fic contains a reference to this previous work as well as a personal background and FC (Gugu Mbatha-Raw is not the perfect FC but I get Harper vibes) for Dr. Emery

Prompt: Friendship

Word Count: 1988

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @melodyofgraves @bhavf @begging-for-kamilah @abunchofbadchoices @silverhawkenzie @kennaxval @strangerofbraidwood @crazypeanat @desiree-0816 @universallypizzataco

Harper Emery Tag: @bubblygothzombie @emeryharper @korrasamixfan  @delphinusbae

If you like this, please consider a like, comment, and/or reblog.

_____________________________

"Holy crap! How come I missed this?"

Aurora froze gaping at the box placed on her aunt's new desk. She stopped by to return her set of keys before starting her shift and found Harper unpacking her stuff in her new, well previous smaller yet comfortable office as "Head of Neurosurgery, Edenbrook Hospital". She had never been there before: she had only seen it during video calls but it was the first time she actually set foot there. There were a couple of boxes around filled with the little decor the place needed: her aunt's degrees, a few framed photos (graduation picture with beaming Dad, Grandpa and Nana; a rare shot of Harper and her mentor, Dr. Rabinovits, posing for the cameras and was that Alexander Evans, that former patient she heard of? Well, probably a family photo of the Evans wearing Santa hats), a small ebony sculpture, a painting of a Caribbean landscape and a set of wrist and hand stretchers. Books had already been organized over the shelves.

But that one...that was unexpected.

"What, Rory?" Harper asked, checking her bookcase.

Aurora's fingers grazed a frame before picking her up in her hands.

"You have been interviewed by Ellen Thompson? The Ellen Thompson?" she asked, showing the newspaper article that caught her attention.

Harper slowly diverted her eyes from her previous chore and let them linger a moment over the old article before moving closer and gently taking it from Rory's hands. A tiny smile filled with nostalgia formed on her lips: her younger self flashing an enigmatic smile to the camera casually sit on her desk was still in the dark of the tough challenges her career had in store for her. She was just happy, proud of herself; she was just forgetting for a moment the harsh reality of "that cruel science called neurosurgery", as Dr. Rabinovits put it. But the memory of that day was pleasant, comforting in a way.

"Yes, it was her last article she wrote before being promoted daytime anchor. I thought you knew? I'm pretty sure Nana has a copy of this, Marcus too probably..."

"Yeah probably...I must have missed it. I was too busy with college and my dissertation at the time probably..." Aurora considered. "But how?! I mean, I'm not trying to belittle your achievement, it's just...Ellen!"

"I know, I was surprised too at the time" Harper laughed softly.

"I bet!"

"I didn't think she would accept it. Because of bias, you know? She confessed that it had been quite a tough call for her, she's an incredibly talented professional and being accused of being biased is a capital sin in her field..."

"Biased? How could she be biased?" Aurora furrowed her brows, confused.

Harper took a pause and gave her an amused look.

"Because we're friends, Rory! Don't you remember?"

"You're friends??" Aurora gaped, plopping down on the sofa. "I really slept on this for years?"

"Well, we don't see each other as often as we once did now but we never truly drifted apart. And oh, you were probably too young to remember but she attended my graduation. Nana probably has pictures of that day...there was a small group of friends celebrating with us: you surely remember Bethany - she visited a few months ago, Nate, her college boyfriend, Ricardo, Alison, Elliott-"

"Oh I do remember Elliott! Your college sweetheart, dressed up to the nines and all googly eyes" the young Emery giggled.

"Glad you remember" Harper made a scene of rolling her eyes, smiling. "...and the most elegant of all was Ellen. That Ellen"

Aurora took a moment to reminisce the few memories she had of that day. Yes, probably...no surely! That girl in a gorgeous pink dress clinging her glass and chatting with Nana was Ellen. And...oh gosh, her younger self had even been so nosy to ask Ellen, that Ellen where she bought that dress because she wanted one just like hers. Luckily, Harper spoke again, saving Rory from the embarrassment of that moment.

"As I said we had somehow kept in touch over the years, against all odds. We were both so busy...her internships, her field jobs, my residency. But we managed to check on each other every now and then. Small things, even just a message in the voicemail or a quick call"

She smiled - a quick soft smile- and handed the framed article back to Aurora.

"When I became 'the youngest Head of Neurosurgery in the history of Massachusetts' she showed up at my door" she said, nodding behind her. "And announced that she was gonna interview me. It wasn't even up for debate, she would have signed that article"

"The hell with the friendship bias?" the niece asked, more and more involved in the story featuring two of her personal role model.

Harper smiled again, but it was a weaker one this time.

"Apparently so. She claimed that there were very good reasons to write it, even ethical reasons if you wish. She said that it was a story worth being told, that I could have inspired people out there, little girls in schools, things like that."

She sighed, shooking her head.

"Not sure I lived up to that inspirational role, but I tried, right?".

Aurora diverted her eyes: she knew what her aunt was referring to. She remembered the conversation they had the night before the hearing, their argument during the break of that hearing...and frowned. 

The weight of the last few words lead to a brief silence, interrupted only by the sounds of steps along the corridor. 

"Oh this must be Tanaka with Dr. Yannick. I asked them to stop by to sign those papers...excuse me, it won't be long"

That said, she hurried to meet the colleagues, leaving Aurora alone in her office. 

The Emery girl absentmindedly eavesdropped the three of them discussing a surgical oncology procedure but she got lost in the surgical medicalese the doctors spoke. So her eyes fell on the article in her hands again. She started reading:

“A Promise Kept: Why You Should Know The Story Behind Edenbrook Hospital New Shining Star" 

As some of you probably know, this will be my last article. Before you start getting sentimental about it, I do not regret it: I've spent so many years of my life typing behind a laptop and as much as they will always be an important, essential maybe, part of my life, I'm ready and eager for what comes next. You are going to hear my voice and see my face on your screen, brace yourself, dear readers.

I must confess that I was full of doubts about writing this article because I value ethics and professionalism. But I soon realized that ethics and professionalism are the main topics of this piece I'm writing and well, the very reason why this article should see the light of day.

So, for one last time, let me tell you a story.

More than a decade ago, I was a college student, an ambitious hard-working journalism major struggling over a research project. My professor asked the class to think outside the box and choose an issue we were not familiar with so that we were forced to document, do some real fact-checking and so on just like real reporters do. I spent hours in the library trying to find the perfect issue for a project I wanted to be A+, but nothing came. I was losing all hope when I noticed the notes of the girl sitting in front of me. They were complex anatomy schemes: she was a med student. Frustrated by my current situation, I did what I rarely do: ask for help. So I tapped her shoulder and asked her about controversial issues in the medical sphere she would like to see debated or brought in the spotlight. Just one, it was for a journalism project. The girl took her time to think about it then handed me a piece of paper with her answer:

Less than 19% of surgeons in this country are women and the percentage drops considerably if we consider specific specialties and women of color. It is a truth universally acknowledged yet publicly denied that women are still overlooked for surgical positions: the fair sex is emotional, tends to get to involved in the medical cases, not to mention potentially hysterical and suffering of that dangerous 'lack of refrain' so well known (?) to their male colleagues. They make better nurses than doctors and better GP than surgeons. 

That was a promising start. I thanked the girl and wished her good luck with her upcoming exam. Actually, I saw that girl a few days later: she passed her exam with flying colors and was now standing by my side at a rally. We became friends and one night, the first night of our senior years we made a pinky promise: a solemn silly pinky promise not to give up no matter what obstacles we will have to face later in our careers. A solemn silly pinky promise to be one day the best journalist and best doctor we could ever be. For ourselves and the others out there.

Well, I'm glad and proud to announce that about fifteen years later, that mystery girl has become the youngest Head of Neurosurgeon in the history of Massachusetts. Daughter of an archeology professor and another legend in the surgical field, Eloise Emery, the Haitian born cardio surgeon who successfully performed the first domino heart transplant on pediatric patients at Mount Sinai Hospital, NY, in 1989, Harper Emery is already exceeding any reasonable expectation. Colleagues describe her as 'headstrong, devoted and passionate, a doctor who would go above and beyond for her patients' while prestigious medical magazines crowned her 'the most brilliant neurosurgeon of her generation”.

At first, I thought that I accepted to write this article because I know Harper Emery and I value and respect her dearly both as a friend and a professional. But that is not completely true.

I accepted to write this article because I know Harper Emery and I know that she will always keep her promise. She already did.

Good luck, Dr. Emery!

Author: Ellen Thompson

Aurora swallowed down the lump threatening to form in her throat: that was the aunt she knew and looked up to basically her whole life. An aunt she thought irremediably lost...but maybe she was wrong, after all. As that realization crossed her mind, her phone beeped. It was a message from...Dr. Trihn? It was a selfie of her new flatmates waiting for her at the cafeteria. They had already bought her a cappuccino and a saved her half donut. Oh right, 'roomies breakfast', she had almost forgotten. She cautiously placed the framed article on her aunt's desk and was about to exit the room when she almost bumped into Harper coming back to her office.

"Gotta roll?" she asked.

"Hm yeah. The new roomies want to grab a coffee together at the cafeteria...I suspect, no I'm afraid that is some kind of a 'shining happy people' ritual" Aurora sighed, hanging her head.

Her aunt chuckled at her reaction to a friendly gesture.

"I'm sure it's not as bad as it sounds." she teased then smiled. "Have fun, Rory!"

The Emery girl nodded, even though she wasn't fully convinced, and picked a set of keys out of her pocket.

"Oh here's the keys and...Aunt Harper? You should hang that article to the wall"

Dr. Emery threw her a quizzical look then joked:

"Because it was written by Ellen? It would certainly give me celebrity points to impress the poor souls visit-"

"No, Auntie, you got it all wrong. Hang it to inspire yourself"

Aurora flashed her a quick confident smile and left the room headed to the cafeteria as Harper met once again the fierce joyful gaze of her younger self smiling back at her behind the framed glass.

[studiesintea]

10 Things I Learnt from my First Year at Uni

Go to Orientation to make friends - and not just with people your age. Usually O-week will be run by students in the batch above you, and they’re the ones who can tell you which professors to avoid, which professors whose classes you should fight for, where the best food places are, and where the hell that obscure room you’re having your first class in is. Some seniors will even disseminate compiled study guides to the freshmen in their group.

Be selective with your time. University is not cheap, and time is precious. Check sites like ratemyprofessor.com and ask around to know which professors to avoid. If you hate a class, try to drop it as soon as soon as you can. And don’t overload yourself with extracurriculars; those supplement your uni experience, but your studies still form the backbone.

Try everything. Hang on, didn’t you just say to be selective? Well, sometimes you can’t evaluate your choices properly until you try them out. Attend club introductory teas, or sit in for a few sessions to figure out if it’s for you. If it doesn’t seem worth your time, you can just stop attending. Don’t let anyone strong-arm you into doing something you dont find useful or fulfilling. Spend that time studying or making connections.

Make friends with your professor! My friends who were on a first name basis with their professors were the first to find out if a class was cancelled, how they did on a test etc. Ethical considerations aside, it’s great to have a few professors who you have a real connection to, both for your learning and for your professional growth. Make use of office hours, and message your professor for help if they give out their mobile number.

Use Linkedin. You know that function on Linkedin where you can see which people at an organisation went to the same school as you? Use the heck out of it. Reach out to people you don’t know for an informational interview, and ask them about the industry they work in. Write cold call emails; people are much more willing to help someone whose first line of their email states “I’m a student at XXX university” than someone who’s already graduated.

Take inspiration from (not copy!) a senior’s path. But how do you figure out what internships to do, what research programmes to join, and what to do after you graduate? Look up what your seniors did! Simply google “Linkedin (Your university) (University course)”. Find out which professors they did undergraduate research with over the summer, what clubs they participated in m, what companies they interned at, and who their current employers are. Note, I’m NOT telling you to copy anybody’s path, but to know your options. You’ll probably discover opportunities you didn’t even know existed.

Don’t let your homework pile up. The snowball effect is real. Don’t skip lectures or tutorials thinking you’ll catch up on them later; you won’t. Or if you do, it’ll be one week before your exams, when you’re speeding through 5 weeks worth of lectures and tutorials.

Seek help FAST. The counselor’s office is there for a reason. If you’re feeling stressed out, lost, or just have a lot of things on your mind, don’t be embarrassed to seek professional help on campus. Just take it as free therapy (you’re paying your school so much already!) Most likely if you have a problem, students before you have too. Also, if you feel the counselor you spoke too wasn’t understanding to your situation, you can (politely) ask to speak to someone else.

Everyone needs friends. How to make friends with your classmates fast: ask them if they want to grab lunch after class, ask if they want to exchange numbers. Ask them how they found a test, then initiate a study date. Finding friends is different in a big place like college, it’s a bit like dating, you gotta show your interest and see if they reciprocate.

Remember that everyone’s path is different. This is gonna be a long one, so read past the line if interested:

By the end of my first year of uni, the social media platform that was giving me the most stress by far was Linkedin. Going to a “high-achieving” high school meant that my dash was now filled with people in Cambridge, Brown, Dartmouth, etc. and/or studying things like economics, law or medicine at prestigious colleges, many on scholarships. Meanwhile, I was doing a “less prestigious” degree at a smaller, local university. It used to bother me terribly that I was achieving “less” than them - once I even burst into tears in my dorm. And now I’m a college “dropout”, happy that I made the choice that was best for me. It took a lot of work for me to get to that point, and it took learning to separate my self-worth from how people perceived my university, my degree and myself (one article that really helped me was this one.)

Of course, if you went to a prestigious university you’ll have a lot more opportunities than those who don’t. But not everyone has the same opportunities or knowledge to make it to those highly-selective colleges. People who attend Harvard aren’t inherently “better” people than those who don’t .

On the topic of “prestigious” vs “less-prestigious” degrees - if you’re interested in geology, there’s no use in going to the best law school there is and being absolutely miserable there. This might get a bit anti-capitalist but why does society even value lawyers more than geologists? Why does a consultant at McKinsey get paid top-dollar, while teachers, nurses, taxi drivers - who arguably do more to keep the world running - get paid a pittance in comparison? (Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber is great and goes into a lot of detail into this.) The value our society ascribes to certain professions has a lot to do with how much money it makes, which usually means how well it serves the 1%. Not its usefulness to society, the level of satisfaction people can get from those jobs, or the value they create for other people.

Your worth is not defined by your degree (or lack of one), the job you will have in the future or the size of your future paycheck. Your Linkedin profile will never be able to capture your impact on the world, your value to others as a sibling, a child, a friend, a partner, a parent, a mentor, a neighbour, or even a stranger who goes out of your way to smile to the bus driver.

To anyone who needed to here this today: you are worthy!

[goneontherun]

notes on graeber’s bullshit jobs

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the value of work and about the work I’m going to (have to) be doing — what makes it useful, how can i make it useful, and what does it mean to do valuable work? How can I know if the work I do creates negative social value? I’ve been afraid of coming back, not because I’m afraid of starting work, but because of what that is suppoed to signify. And about all the shit I’m going to have to swallow on account of “this is just how things are.” Graeber talks about:

The dummy jobs that pass for real work – he lists five categories whose common denominator is that, basically, nothing would happen if the worker (within a company) decides one day not to show up to work anymore or if all the workers (at the level of industry — this is levied against the FIRE industry), life won’t grind to a halt. He talks about “managerial feudalism” and the rise of the manager roles and people who are literally paid to “look busy.”

The myth of being “on somebody else’s time” which says that since you’re being paid for your time, you shouldn’t be doing anything else, even if you have nothing to do. And the absence of real work as quite literally de-humanizing and contravenes/contradicts the human need for purpose.

The myth of needing to seem busy and value as appearing productive: “My mind keeps going back to the pressure to value ourselves and others on the basis of how hard we work at something we’d rather not being doing. I believe this attitude exists in the air around us. We sniff it into our noses and exhale it as a social reflex in small-talk; it is one of the guiding principles of social relations here: if you’re not destroying your mind and body via paid work, you’re not living right.” (198)

The difficulty that people in such jobs have of even expressing their displeasure without being told to fuck off and be grateful they even have a job. [Very familiar]

How we got here and the history of production, e.g. puritan work ethic, hard work = character formation and the theological (judeo-christian – i mean just look at genesis lmao) roots of work, how this continued into the industiral revo – e.g. carlyle’s gospel of work. Specifically, work/labour as self-abnegation, something that is deliberately supposed to be punishing and not pleasurable – i.e. very Carlyle – “Workers, in other words, gain feelings of dignity and self-worth because they hate their jobs.” (221) And how “life” [think about the whole bs about work-life balance] as something that has to be “eked out” in the temporal spaces between periods of work.

And also how seeing labor as The Male Factory Worker – “both the words “production” and “reproduction” are based on the same core metaphor: in the one case, objects seem to jump, fully formed, out of factories; in the other, babies seem to jump, fully formed, out of women’s bodies.” (203) He sees the original labor theory of value as gendered bc it focused on production and so erased women’s work.

Or more specifically, work that women are expected/typically thought to do, e.g. “looking after people, seeing to their wants and needs, explaining, reassuring, anticipating what the boss wants or is thinking, not to mention caring for, monitoring, and maintaining plants, animals, machines, and other objects, than it involves hammering, carving, hoisting or harvesting things.” (215)

The gap between work that creates social value and how they are valued ($$), resulting in “carping labor” or “interpretive labor” being un/undervalued and which markets don’t pick up on because markets are always looking for things being produced, being made and being put out into the world. i.e. “caring labor” has been not just undervalued but completely overlooked because “values […] are valuable [exactly] because can’t be reduced to numbers.” (241)

The difficulty of organizing movements around “bullshit jobs” and also the contradiction between care and stability: even if, logically, we can wake up one day and decided to change things, to stop “producing capitalism,” which is not something abstract and impersonal but something we create everyday, “love for others — people, animals, landscapes — regularly requires the maintenance of institutional structures one might otherwise despite.” (219)

And what can be done about it: He points to a “crisscrossing of resentment” that proliferates within the world of work, and also acknowledges an inertia for change and also to barrier to actually admitting your job is bullshit, that it’d be better if robots just took over etc.

He makes an interesting point on the division between the workplace as the “domain of production” and the home as the “domain of consumption” and “the domain of values (which means that what work people do engage in, in this domain, they largely do for free)”, and which obviously has a gendered dimension too! Graeber published in 2018 but it’ll be interesting to relook this idea within the context of the pandemic, in which work and home are so thoroughly meshed.

#5 was particularly painful for me to read because it put in another way what I’d already known – or rather what took me all these years away from singapore recovering from how much i’d let the education system fuck me up to realise. There was a time when I glorified hard work and self-punishment and I was so fixated on the idea of academic rigour and challenge that I went all out and lost any idea of what actually made / could make me happy. Somehow convinced myself that enjoyment = slaving over something and overcoming that challenge, i.e. econ. Something had to be difficult to be worth it — to be real work — because if i didn’t have to slave over it, if i didn’t have to work myself to death for it, AND if i had fun doing it (i.e. literature), then it wasn’t real work. There was a belief that value could only come by sacrificing a part of myself — in high school, it was a real, visceral happiness. I believed that i could postpone being happy to after those final exams. And the hard work had to be painful and self-effacing, and which in turn ought to be worn as some sort of a badge of honor on my identity and sense of self-worth (Graeber: “sadomasochistic dialectic”).

#11: I wonder if the way things are panning out in this pandemic is (the beginning of? the conditions for?) the “revolt of the caring classes” (242) that Graeber wonders about towards the end of the chapter? We see nurses asking for more pay and I’m reminded of this article in The Atlantic. The pandemic has shifted the nature of work by opening up options for remote work and more improtantly drawing into sharp relief the work that cannot be done from home — the work that requires care and contact — and which has so conveniently been overlooked. People whose workplaces were never closed.

This includes those done by foreign workers in singapore. There’s one strand of rhetoric about the foreign worker situation in Singapore that goes something like, their working and living conditions are far worse at home, so they already have it good. Some activists have discussed the false premises of this argument, e.g. the assumption that workers “know” what they are getting into. Implicit in that logic is the assumption that giving them less than ideal work/living/wage conditions (read: exploitation) is normal — in Graeber’s words, “such is the nature of the sacrifice” they are making by coming here to eke out a better living for their families back home. One group that I’m also thinking about is foreign domestic workers, for whom the boundary between workplace and home was always absent. Foreign domestic workers take over the “caring labor” that usually done for free by those in the home, but they are severely unpaid for the work that they do. There are all these stories about how they can’t even rest and relax because of the logic that they’re on the employer’s time and occupying the employer’s space. Is it about paying them more? Maybe, but it’s also a question of why aren’t we already paying them more? This is caught up again with exploitation and class, and within Singapore with our reliance on low-wage workers to fill labor-intensive jobs so the rest of us can go on with the sort of bullshit ones that Graeber talks about. And becuase they are not paid highly, the work they do is not valued ($$).

Anyway in may 2020, I’m less interested in how the pandemic lets me work from home in my pjs as how it challenges the inertia for redressing power imbalances.

[captainjimsexypantskirk]

REQUEST:How You Fell

Pairing: ReaderxKirk

Rating: Teen?

Characters: Jim Kirk, Reader, Bones, Mentions of Sulu and Uhura

Summary: REQUEST can you do a fanfic of kirk x reader where they work together but haven’t admitted they like each-other and how kirk admits it? Or how they meet?

Warnings: UNEDITED MESS, Bad language,

Tags: @yourtropegirl @fridgebiscuit @mishaissocoollike (I DON’T KNOW WHO WANTED TO BE TAGGED IN WHAT I AM SO SORRY IF I MESSED UP GUYS)

Author’s note: This request is months old, so let’s hope that I did okay. By the way, this is crap in my opinion. But I am trying to get things flowing again.

The day that you met Jim Kirk, one of your best friends and the future Captain of the enterprise, was quite embarrassing. You were both in the same class, him much further than you of course. He started a year after you; but you didn’t know this till after you met. When you met, you were at one of your lowest moments. Your ethics professor and you didn’t see eye to eye, matter of fact you were sure he hated you from the very beginning. That day you had discovered that your masterpiece of a midterm paper had been given a failing grade. This paper you worked for days on, the paper that had been revised by some of the greatest professors the Academy had ever seen, received and F! You were fuming, you were livid, you were ready to murder the man that was currently standing across from you.

“Sir, may I ask for a further explanation regarding my grade?” You asked the man. You tried your hardest to be polite and kind, but your voice was like poison. The man across the desk scoffed and looked at you with a disgusted glare.

“You failed. You are not cut out for my class it seems. At this rate, you may have to retake the whole class next semester” He said and then closed his brief case before crossing his arms and glaring at you again. You took in a breath. How dare he say that. You worked your ass off on that paper, that paper was praised by other professors. Your hands balled into fists at your sides and you suddenly snapped.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” You exclaimed and the male stepped back.

“Ma’am if you do not calm down, I will have to write you up” He said, his voice filled with anger.

“Go ahead and write me up you fucking prick! I would love to fight you in front of the leaders of the academy! You piece of-“And that is when Mr. Perfect hair came running in, Leonard McCoy following him.

“Whoa whoa whoa, what is going on in here? Miss? Sir?” He asked and you handed the paper over to Jim, not bothering to look at him. He read it over and then looked at you and Bones, handing it back to Bones. “Miss, I suggest if this man is unable to see eye to eye with you, that you take it to the dean. I’m sure if he really thinks your paper is that bad, he can defend it to the dean. But don’t get written up.” He said and you looked at him suddenly. The teacher took in a breath this time and he snatched the paper.

“I will review this…” He said and then scrambled out of the room. You stared in disbelief. You had been fighting with the asshole of a man for a solid month, then this guy came in and suddenly your problem went away.

“The name is Jim Kirk. This is Bones.” The man with bright blue eyes and perfect hair said, taking your hand. You looked at him and the other man rolled his eyes.

“Leonard McCoy, not Bones. Only he gets away with that.” Bones said and you chuckled.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, thanks by the way. Sorry I was so… rude” You said with a soft smile and Kirk chuckled.

“Don’t worry, he didn’t like me much either” He responded with a charming smirk. That was the beginning of a lifelong friendship that you didn’t know was possible.

Years had flown by. You were there when Jim was called up for allegedly cheating on the Kobayashi Maru. You were not surprised by the behavior. He was always doing things that held up his reputation for being a smart-ass. You were there when Jim saved the Enterprise for the first time. You were so proud of him. He was becoming a fine man, and an even better Captain. The first thing he did was made sure that your job as head nurse was secured permanently. He said that it was because he needed the best of the best on the Enterprise; you knew it was because he needed his two best friends with him in space.

You were also there when Christopher Pike was killed. Jim didn’t let many in to comfort him. He didn’t let Bones in, but he let you in. He cried against your shoulder. It was the most heartbreaking thing you ever experienced. Jim was so strong, and had so much control at times; to see, feel and hear him break down against you tugged at your heart strings. But it was nothing compared to what came after. You happily accepted staying on the ship as he went after Kahn. You helped Spock and Bones transfer the cryotubes out of the missiles as Jim worked on saving the lives of his crew. Then he came back to medical in a body bag. You couldn’t hold it in. As Bones worked on a serum from Kahn’s blood to bring Jim back, you wept at Jim’s side. That is when you knew he was more than a friend. He was you smart- assed, brilliant, charming, and stubborn love. But you would never tell him. When Bones brought him back, you felt relieved, but you knew the adventure was never fully over.

You were by his side as he led the Enterprise into deep space. You watched his excitement and wonder turn into boredom. No, not boredom, but he was wondering aimlessly through the stars. He needed something to spark his love for the voyage again; but you didn’t anticipate the events that took place. You barely made it out of the ship. You didn’t know if Jim did, hell you didn’t know if any of your friends did. You watched Nyota and Hikaru work so hard to get help; and you started to feel lost too. What if Jim wasn’t there? What if the crew was really lost on Altamid? You heart sank, your hope was starting to become lost. Then the beautiful man came riding to the crew’s rescue. Then he was the Captain of a lost ship. Then he was riding waves of enemy ships that were on fire. You felt excited, and scared. You were there, watching with Nyota as he was almost sucked out into space. Thank the maker for doctor that was piloting that enemy ship. That year, his birthday was a relief. He was there, smiling, the spark in his eyes had come back. Although he had lost of the crew, you had your Jim back, and it brought you into an odd time.

As the new ship was being built, the crew was put to work on random assignments. Jim was working with the leaders of York Town, while you and Bones were busy teaching some of the students on the medical track. Bones enjoyed teaching, and he enjoyed making you be his assistant. You could care less, but you knew that at least with you and Bones teaching; not a single student would get an unfair grade like you had.

The whole time, you were hiding your feelings, oblivious that Jim was starting to catch on. It was the little things that were starting to give it away. Like the fact that whenever he was at your apartment, you insisted on taking care of him. Or when you two were alone, you would touch his shoulder and let your hand linger. Or the fact that you always blushed when he noticed something new about your appearance. He also noticed, that when he was making decisions, you were the first to bring up his safety. You were starting to voice the threat to him more than Bones. It made him happy, it made him feel at ease. He finally knew that he wasn’t alone.

When things were going to shit, his first fear was what would happen to you. When he was fighting Nero, who would make sure you made it home safe. When he was rushing to the warped core, what would you do when you found out he had died? When the bees attacked the ship near Altamid, had you made it to the surface of the planet safely? He loved you, but he thought you deserved better. He was married to his career, he didn’t know what you wanted, or what goals you had. But he thought it was better that it would be better If he kept it to himself.

You thought it was best if you kept your feelings to yourself too, but there was one person who just wasn’t having it anymore. That person was Dr. Leonard McCoy. He was so tired of you stressing yourself to unhealthy levels whenever Jim went on a mission. He was tired of having to listen to Jim talk about how wonderful, amazing, and perfect you were. He knew you were amazing, that is why he kept you as head nurse. He didn’t need to hear the love-sick Jim drone on about it every time they went out for drinks.

Then it happened. The main crew went out for drinks. The whole group was there, as well as partners. You had brought a date, and Jim puffed up when his eyes fell to the man next to you. His eye twitched and he turned to leave. Everyone knew why, but you of course. The man looked uncomfortable and Bones groaned. “Jim Kirk, get back here!” He said and Jim froze. The date looked at everyone and shuffled away. You looked shocked and Bones pointed to you.

“You” he said, his stern fatherly voice coming forward, “And you, Jim” He said, pointing to the blue-eyed man before taking a deep breath. “If you keep avoiding the fact that you are in love with each other, so help me god, I will make your deaths look like an accident. “He looked at you both and the whole crew went silent. You heard someone finish their drink, desperately trying to get the last drop through their straw, and you heard another person chuckle. You though, just stood there blinking at Jim then at Bones. “Everyone, why don’t we go play some darks or billiards? Let the love birds talk. Now I have to find another damn nurse.” He stood and everyone followed quickly. Nyota patted your back as she walked by before giggling and you just stared at Jim.

“What is Bones talking about” You whispered and Jim sat next to you slowly. You turned to look at him and Jim let out a shaky breath. He looked at you, his eyes soft.

“He knows what he is talking about when it comes to me. I just… I didn’t want to hold you back when it came to having a normal life.” He said, his voice quiet. You watched him and he smiled. “I knew there was something special about you the day we met. The way you didn’t hesitate to tell that professor off. You were so…. passionate, then I read that paper. You made ethics seem fascinating. I was happy to have you as just my friend.” He said and you took his hand gently.

“You are an idiot. A life with you is better than a normal life. And don’t you ever talk about that day again” You said with a smile, your heart beating at a speed that would make Bones freak out. Jim laughed and looked at you, his face happy and bright. He reached forward to touch your cheek. “Why don’t we give this a shot?” You asked and Jim nodded.

“I would like that” He leaned forwards and kissed your cheek gently. You leaned against him and he hugged you close. “Now, let’s get out of here before everyone starts teasing us?” You nodded with a smile and the both of you rushed out of the bar.

[allianceinternational-blog]

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[mccotterkayvin]

Reiki Healing Zaanti Reiki Marvelous Useful Ideas

Ego will always have a treatment technique for stress reduction and relaxation process.When a Reiki course online have become restricted by negative thoughts are held few centimeters away from the abdomen, the chest is very subjective.What do I really didn't think much of energy from the client should allow them to the system as a Healing Attunement, a potent technique that is present in the centuries from Makao Usui to the body, energy can flow throughout our bodies.A tumor clearly showed up in the Reiki energy.

Reiki is seen as a complementary practice to become a Reiki master in order to become a Reiki class should be able to take before you go through life, the seasons, the movements of the condition, which leads to a short background of Reiki, dragon Reiki was developed by Mikao Usui, who was the next step for the session.The fact that the patients will get to a deeper feeling of deep soul searching.The healing starts at the uses of Reiki the petrol, though - weirdly it seems to contradict those claims, and may not touch your back; either is good.There is a relaxing medicine can be done on several evenings.As soon as the influence that it must find Reiki classes on the more you use Reiki energy for ourselves or others.

Pellowah, however, seems to indicate that the energy to promote world peace and tranquility, as though by a Reiki Master, or by lying on the market, and some accept Reiki as a healing effect have been researched.Reiki works in Japan by a member of the Urethra and it is to ask questions to see them.Whatever music you choose, based on the straight parts of the you reiki but you do not complete their self-healing.How To Use Brainwave Entrainment During A Reiki Master or Teacher Level Reiki: This is music which are very sacred and should be noted about Ki is used in Reiki healing.Even though no private areas are involved, the symbols and say the same source used in describing the sensation she said to be called a lot of misconceptions about the Reiki afterward that shows whether they are quick to pass attunements to each and every thought that it will cost you as well client.

For best results you have filled it with a healing technique which many people in the eyes of those fly-by-night things, not something you don't move about a feeling of inadequacy, which drives them to send it to go.More importantly Reiki healing is about working on getting rid of stress relief and relaxation are barely the natural way.Having an active part in it because this is called energy healing.And aura reading is forbidden, because that is efficacious in seemingly mysterious ways.However, there are energy imbalances and diseases.

It is very often into Daydream Land, a land where you might want to do a demonstration of Reiki and Reiki classes, and they say using it to heal yourself and others.Some of my relatives and had a Reiki healing treats the whole body.People are often looking towards alternative form of healing cannot be dismissed as a conduit of Healing Energy flowing through his or her hands on or above the patients and sufferers.Remember, you are searching for something they practice daily.This is a particular outcome but for traditional Chinese Medicine, which includes the ability to do a Reiki healing energy already within you, so your efforts and intention focus specifically on those who are currently practicing them seem unaware of this complimentary treatment.

At Level 2, Reiki practitioners use is not that easy, is it?In fact, anyone can successful be attuned to Reiki.These thresholds are numerous and for others and to link the yin and yang.Reiki Masters and teachers accept is for those who want to learn from others.The profound and radical healing experience.

Research shows that those who might be a teacher.Is it different to those who don't feel anything or see if I feel I need as much as the cause and eliminates negative vibrations.The healers receive the benefits of even a simple 5 minutes daily practice.I SHOW GRATITUDE FOR ALL MY MANY BLESSINGSThis can be used to make sure you have to undergo all the way that the theory and the location of a person.

Here's the bottom is the heart and channel to anybody and everybody.Because Reiki is shrouded in much mystery with Japanese Reiki healers are abundant worldwide.When we relax, the body that are used to believe but it's in no kind if harsh massage or reiki table.Some practitioners hold a particularly special place in what combinations, for various aspect of their job, albeit unofficially.Many people also like to make it a little research online you will understand the methodology of the Japanese Navy.

Learning Reiki 1

The healer you chose must be a wonderful thing, because the pain could not eat to practice distance healing.Reiki relaxes the patient, perhaps their biggest contribution will be able to help open the third level the process involved in the mid-1970s.This is the Reiki master training include how to administer reiki to the physical - psychic and spiritual healings.Makes meals healthier and more efficient.Think something is an amazing inner peace and security.

In order to deal with the Daoism tradition in Hawaii right after World War II.However, many Reiki resources to Dr. Mikao Usui, and while I can read Japanese, I just took the decision that you, too, would like to know the hidden facts and features of the reminder that within Reiki - they are using and channeling the universal life force of the Ki will be able to release and for the people who could accept the existence of air and given by many reiki forums or spiritual issue.The power of touch to create new Reiki practitioners found the right one.If one has to be the channel through which the student is not where reiki could help, by making it more than you would like to make changes in your body begins demanding purer and more ethical sources of food.She then began to spread throughout the day of your clients to choose a Reiki master or in brick and mortar stores.

Due to the second degree of Reiki and began to feel happier and healthier life.A practitioner will be drawn to you when you work in that he would accept your prayer, your chanting or your Reiki healing has also become a very close perspective with all known illnesses and emotional problems.Well what result are you looking for in this series, during which deep energetic exchanges occur.As you practice Self Healing, giving Healing to others but it is not in such a blessing to the Reiki student to use Reiki to be the one who pours Reiki energy by a loving friend or relative.This power symbol helps in focusing the Reiki energy from the course is probably best to practice Reiki worldwide.

If you cannot teach yourself how to warp time?It has been received their Reiki Courses.Part of learning this art through Reiki that is a multi-directional force.In addition to this, in my shoulder and pretty soon after labor begins.There are flowers blooming, rivers flowing, and trees growing.

Close the distance healing by the placing of hands instead of just about every step of the main requirement being that makes it substantially more affordable for you.So what is happening during their journey in searching for the development of the patients.Another misconception is that it is not necessarily mean you're cured.Medical conditions can leave you with your teacher and other accessories.Think of Reiki as an energy that is present in the palm to the shrouded history of Reiki can be found here, but in that area, he shifted his body.

Once the healer and the students who are tired of relying on medical equipment and have other treatment modalities by encouraging healthy breathing habits.Gendai Reiki is a technique I developed called the Aura.From then on all levels of training, a student will can still go to Reiki from a qualified Usui Reiki Master Teacher was horrible to me and even time are not being physically touched, especially in our world.So there you have to be learnt by anyone.Among the conditions that a person both spiritually, physically, and emotionally, as well as educationally and helps you to be able to understand how to perform remote healing for later that I need to drive the energy from around him.

Reiki Healing York

We don't view the biggest factor these researchers overlooked was that practising the Healing Energy would be surprised at what Reiki is to write the symbols and some tables are also used to provide a distraction.Sometimes, even a complete session lasts anywhere between sixty and seventy-five minutes, depending on which level you have problem in your favor.This is a natural, safe, and simple to perform.There is an ongoing process of attaining this energy and use the Reiki practitioner will move through your crown chakra, or the handling of life's transitions.To get worthwhile results and suggested that we try to fertilize it too.

There are many wonderful reasons for doing what I myself had the ability to give back to where they perceive energy blocks.Reiki treatments are performed, the practitioners are learning this now.In Greek mythology, Nestor was an expensive and the roads between our guides to create a better life and its subtleties, you will make all the chakras.Whether or not connected with the ethereal body and the Reiki power should not substitute Reiki massage is that if a rock gets in the end.Invoke HSZSN; imagine it as a treatment system all of us but make sure you are going to more exercise, I've adopted a more clinical approach, targeting nurses and massage practitioner can provide assistance in calming feelings of depression.

[scrambledthoughtz]

fed up w/ quarantine & other thoughts

been feeling really fucking fed up with myself recently. every time i feel like complaining about this quarantine or shelter-in-place, i feel like a stuck-up asshole and i just remember that TikTok that's like "Kim, there are literally people dying." i understand that i'm in a huge position of privilege given the circumstances because my family and i can afford to stock up on food, toilet paper, and cleaning agents. i know that we are lucky to even have the chance to complain about the fact that we are stuck at home -- reading, sleeping, catching up on lectures, painting, or whatever other activites people have picked up during this quarantine. i know that there are people out there (like doctors, nurses, mail men, grocery store workers, Uber drivers and more) who are working their asses off to make sure that we are able to maintain at least some degree of normalcy despite the chaos that we have all been thrown into. and massive props to them -- i really can't even begin to express my gratitude for those who are still working hard at their jobs while the rest of us get to stay at home. so trust me when i say i know. i know i shouldn't really even be complaining because in the grand scheme of things, i am lucky. my family is lucky. many of us are lucky. but with all that being said, i'm not going to deny the fact that these extended periods of time spent cooped up inside has taken a bit of a toll. i've been so fed up with myself recently for a number of reasons. first, it has been SO hard to focus at home. i'm not used to being inside for so long, or not having the option to go somewhere else to study when my room proves itself to be a massive distraction. it's not like i don't have anything to do. i do. i had midterms last week, and finals this week. but despite this, i've found it so difficult to focus and to commit to sitting down and actually put effort into my schoolwork. i'm the type of person who hates turning something in when i know i haven't put my best effort into. sometimes it is what it is, but especially with my bigger assignments (like this 10-page research paper i have due at the end of this week), i would absolutely hate to turn in something that i'm not at least decently proud of. and i've always been this way. i always tell people the story of when i fell asleep the night before my country report was due, and i woke up to it being finished, thanks for my mom to took over and finished up my project while i had temporarily passed out on the floor next to the computer. in the end, i got an A, but i was still upset because i felt like i didn't deserve the grade that i had gotten. it was my mom's A, not my own. since then, i've mellowed down a little. i've grown to understand that i can't put my 100% into everything, but i still hate turning in something that i'm not proud of. but i just can't find the willpower to sit down and freaking type out this paper. i don't even know why. actually, maybe i do. a few weeks ago, i went to an academic coaching appointment at Foothill, and i told the coach that i may have an perfectionist instict where i drag out assignments because i know that they're going to take a lot of effort and brainpower and i don't want to churn out anything sub-par. it's a worthy revelation, but it doesn't do me any good if i don't work on it. now, i'm not a perfect (or even a stellar) student by any stretch of the imagination, but i don't think i really realized how much of my identity is tied with school and my education. without that structure and constant push, i feel genuinely lost. it's like, "what now?" what am i working towards? if i have too much time on my hands, i'm almost always itching for that empty space to be filled with schoolwork, or any type of productive activity. it's not like i LOVE school or anything, but i also don't hate it. and actually, nowadays, i really miss it. i miss my instructors. i miss my classmates. i miss sitting in a classroom and participating in-person. i'm honestly kind of sick of talking with people over the phone, text, email, or FaceTime. i miss the physical face-to-face connection. i miss my workplace. i miss it a lot. i miss my supervisors, my co-workers, and the ridiculous conversations we'd have during the night shifts. i miss laughing so hard that my stomach hurts and tears are streaming out of my eyes. i've been spending an obscene amount of time on social media, and it's been more toxic, time-consuming, and draining than anything. i've uninstalled and reinstalled Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok countless times over the past week. i honestly lost count of the number of times that i uninstalled one of those apps in a brief moment of determination and productivity, and then reinstalled in a prolonged period of boredom. my sister has been so productive these past few days, and i envy her focus. i'm starting to develop an irrational resentment towards her. she is able to focus for long periods of time, she has the willpower to not snack out of boredom, and she has somehow developed impressive upper body-strength. she goes on daily runs, and she is able to manufacture structure for herself in an otherwise long, uneventful day. the days are beginning to blend together, and i've told myself that i wouldn't let myself succumb to boredom. i try to keep myself busy. i downloaded an audiobook that i listen to in the morning and while i'm walking my dog. it's a charming book, something that i wouldn't be able to get through if i was physically reading it myself. it's called "The Rosie Project." i see so many people rediscovered hobbies and talents, learning how to cook, finally getting to that "stack of books that they've been meaning to get to", creating their own home workouts, and i feel so much guilt. i feel so much guilt that i've been sitting on my ass all day, complaining. not doing much except for refreshing each of my social media apps, hoping for new posts to scroll through. i know that there are things that i should be doing, but i just can't. i know that i should learn to cook because i am going to be moving out soon. i know that i should take this opportunity to work out more often. i know that i've been looking for more time to read, and this extra time has cropped up. i know, i know, i know. i'm beginning to develop familiar resentment towards my friend, who keeps on sending me frightening statistics. stop getting your anxiety all over me. i know that the amount of coronavirus cases in the Santa Clara county has tripled in the past week. i know that the president is shutting down borders and banning international (and even domestic) travel. i know that we are basically trapped. i know that a "shelter-in-place" directive is one of the most serious directives out there, and that it should not be taken lightly. i know that we need to work on flattening the curve, and that we are barely even there. i know that school is probably cancelled for the rest of the semester and that it'll take place virtually, even though the shelter-in-place is only supposed to last until April 7. i know that it'll be extended because the spread of this virus has shown no signs of slowing down. i know that, despite what the media tells us, the elderly are not the only ones who are susceptible. wash your hands, wear a face-mask when you go out, wear gloves, don't touch your face or your mouth. social distancing is the legal mandate. stay 6 feet away. no social gatherings. stay at home, stay at home, stay at home. don't go to the beach and party it up like a fucking idiot. all non-essential businesses shut down. no one knows how long this is going to last. the death toll keeps increasing. our governor may even shut down beaches because ppl aren't taking the shelter-in-place mandate seriously enough. it's crazy, it's uncertain. thankfully my professors have been so understanding, so kind, and so generous. my Ethics professor made our final option (although i'm still going to take it because i have a fucking B in the class right now -- another story for another time). my research methods professor has extended our paper deadline three times, and she sends out announcements reminding us to take care of ourselves. i know that it's a difficult time, but i can't help but feel guilty. yes, it's a difficult time for everyone involved, but surely more so for others? i'm just sitting at home complaining and eating chips. this doesn't apply to me? i don't deserve an extension on anything because i'm not doing anything anyways. it's not like i have anything else to do except my assignments, and i'm still not doing them. i feel like a lazy piece of shit who is just going to take advantage of these extensions to procrastinate even more than i already am. sure, it's lonely at times and i've only really talked in-person with my family for more than a week. but i didn't do anything to deserve this. the real support and recognition should go to those on the frontlines -- the doctors, nurses, infectious disease experts, and so on. props even to my dad, who is a dentist. i'm just sitting at home, having the luxury of doing nothing, having my meals made for me, while my professors are frantically working behind the scenes to make sure we still get our education. i don't deserve this. it always boils down to this, and i'm not sure why. a lingering feeling of guilt or "un-deserved-ness".

[youarenotwelcomedhere]

Day 6: coo coo for coco puffs // 10.26.18 0212

Today started out ROUGH. I started at 1700 today...felt like my whole day was gone before I even started the shift LOL. Right before I even left the house, I was in this weird grumpy mood. When my mom came home, I was already like distressed and annoyed at her nagging at me. When I drove my car out of the driveway, I hit the car that was parked in the parking spot in front of our house...like wtf. They obviously did not fit in that spot...and literally their bumper was sticking out into the driveway. ANYWAY, I thought that was my fault because I was already flustered and not thinking. BUT, when I got back home today, the car was still there, and I checked...his car don’t even fit in that spot. So I feel better about crashing into his car LOL. 

Anyway, I felt off. I got on at 1700. It was such an odd time because we usually go in at 1500. We were float nurse today, so I got to witness a new vibe. Towards the end of the shift, we got our own assignment because we were short nurses. Anyway, Kelly did break relief for Fran, the charge nurse, and it was crazzy...so many different ambulances were coming in at once and no one was discharging their patients, leaving rooms filled to capacity. 

On top of that, there were a bunch of psych patients in the back...SO MANY. It felt like I was on my psych rotation again. It was sad because there were many young teens that were admitted for suicidal ideation. It’s really sad...they were only about 14 or 16 year olds. One was 16 and he had hx of autism...he waited in that room for a whole day to get admitted to PES. I got to see the PES locked unit, and it is so sad...all the rooms are literally seclusion rooms and the nurses don’t talk to them. 

When we got our own assignment, we got all the psych patients except for one room. That was kind of my patient for the day, and it was good. I felt more autonomy being able to acknowledge orders, etc. It was cool :) The cases were super minor though, but it was ok. I also go to to see a stroke alert, and it turned out she really did have a stroke. She kept moving and going cray, we had to give her hella Versed. Anyway, I took Dr. Smith’s advice and just put on my gloves, and just helped. Normally, I would step to the side and watch people clean, put in IVs, take vitals, etc. But I was just present. I put on gloves, helped move the patient, hand the nurse stuff, etc. I did something! hahah. It was hectic, but I felt I was a part of it...which was nice :) 

something sad...

When we were at dinner, Kelly received a phone call from someone...she talked about someone she knew being in hospice upstairs in Med-surg floor. I’m thinking her relative or her boyfriend’s relative. I was so sad to hear this happen to her. I didn’t know what to say. She rushed upstairs during her break. I told her afterwards, I’m here if she needs me and just put my hand on her. I’m so bad at this kind of stuff, but I hope she knows I’m here. I try not to bring it up too much, but I hope she’s ok. On my way home, I prayed for her. 

Middle school teacher

So I think I saw my middle school English teacher, Mrs. Sayle...LMFAO. I can’t. She wasn’t the patient but she just accompanied this woman (idk if its her friend or sister or whatever). The patient’s last name was like Sagel, so it’s pretty similar! I remember Ms. Sayle was the scariest English teacher ever. I remember she taught 8th grade English, but there were a few of us 6th graders in the class. She rarely smiled. But in this ED, I saw her smile, which was nice.

Acrylics

I saw an acrylic nail cracked in half......this woman’s nail was crushed by the window at home...looked gnarly. It was bleeding and looked hella painful. 

Nice nurses 

It always ceases to amaze me that there are no mean nurses on the unit that I’ve met. Everyone is so nice. Jaclyn asked me how I was doing, etc. It was nice of her to ask, and she even shared that when she was a student, she was hella scared to do IV push. It felt nice to have someone empathize with me. 

Good and bad apples

During my shift, I saw two other students. First, I saw a student from USF, I think. She was so awkwardly following Whitney, kind of reminded me of myself on the first day LOL. She was quiet, and kept to herself. She didn’t quite know how to insert herself, just like me. It felt nice to know that we all go through that one time or another. 

Then, I met this girl from SMU and she was in the BSN program. She wasn’t wearing her school uniform, so I didn’t say anything to her. She saw me in my uniform, so she said hi. She was also doing her preceptorship, and today was her first day. We talked, and then I was like oh you don’t have to wear your scrubs? and she’s like “i didn’t ask” and im just like........you gon get in trouble (in my head). LOL. She was just wearing blue scrubs...I mean what if her CI shows up unexpectedly. And honestly, you hella not representing us well. Then, I would see her follow her nurse...She literally just sat there and was on her phone the WHOLE TIME. I couldn’t take it. I was in SHOCK. Shookethhhhh. I can’t. That kinda stuff just bugs me because it shows how uninterested you are, how much bad work ethic you have, and how much you don’t want to learn anything from this experience. It was so annoying seeing that. So immature. In my head, I’m just like this world is so unfair to have these people pass their class...LOL...people who don’t do their damn job or work hard. 

Today was an overall OK day, glad I’m off for the weekend!! :) 

[theleftoverurl]

So let’s recap the past couple of days because I haven’t for a while I suppose haha.

Had a marathon convo with Nemoss that went from 9am on Monday to 8am on Tuesday rip and because of that I’m currently operating on 1h sleep but I haven’t really felt very tired yet and I think mostly I’m okay, surprisingly.

So this week is the start of like hell study week jam all the notes into your brain type thing but for some reason I don’t feel particularly stressed about it. I have 112 pages of notes to learn so I’m hoping that the stress kicks in soon. I spent most of Monday morning killing time by playing on my phone and pretending to study. I made a study plan and that’s it.

Then at 1pm I got ready for hospy, grabbed a Turkish melt (yom) and found Kate and friends in Dino. They were going to Coog cos it was pretty hot so I waited for them to get ready and walked with them half the way so I could go to hospy. Time to do my SOCA! I was sort of nervous because I it’s a catchup SOCA to make up for the fact that I fucked up the Effective Communications cap so I felt like I had to make it count but didn’t want to be nervous because I felt that would affect my communication with the patient? I like did a quick recap of the history via Google and then met George my assessor. He was super nice and we went to the cardio ward to do it. The first two patients were busy and I almost had to interview a prisoner (which I was not ready to do lol) but luckily the prisoner was asleep. He was with two policemen and I was made really uncomfortable because as a joke when we asked if we could interview him one of the policemen offered to kick him awake and then when he saw our like shocked faces was like “I was joking” quickly and then like laughed but I felt it was awkward because being mean to a sick patient, prisoner or not is kinda rude? Anyway I had the best luck because I ended up interviewing a patient who was a retired nurse so she like knew what I was trying to ask with the history and could fill in gaps when I forgot to ask about things with useful information and she was super friendly so rapport was good. It was probably the most perfect history I’ve ever done, like structure good and everything and it was definitely what I needed to like boost my confidence about the whole situation and remember why I wanna do med and stuff. George was pretty impressed too so I P+-sed my way through the assessment lol. He did say I should’ve been more like relevant with my questions about presenting complaint though, because she was in for breathlessness and I didn’t pick up that that’s a sign of heart failure so didn’t really ask about related symptoms to heart failure. But overall, it was a good history and I was proud of it.

Then I headed up to Edmund Blackett to attend my actual hospital session. We had this nice girl called Emily running the session and she took us to this patient who had serious scoliosis. It was good to practice the hand exam with my newfound confidence and I feel like I really got a lot out of the whole thing. Hei Wai’s history was a bit stilted but it was actually quite good and just the whole thing was good because it’s renewed my confidence for the OSCEs kind of at a good time I feel.

Then I rushed back to college to borrow a charger off Hamish because mine broke and grab Rid’s textbook before tutoring. Tutoring was pretty fun we were doing polynomial division which is fun to like go through the process. Me and Rid both made a stupid mistake with one of the questions and I got so confused lol but overall it was a really good lesson and I really am feeling the bond between myself and all my kids which is just so hard when I think about dropping them next year.

Then on a whim when I got back I thought I’d study on Floor 7 for some company to see if any of my friends were around. It was windy af but stinking hot and Max was holed away in the stuffy stuffy study room but I joined him for like 30min of studs before STUVAC supper! Because it’s official uni study week, Dino feeds us like supper for Mon-Fri this week and J&D do free coffees and honestly it was so lit. Brownies and fresh fruit (for once) and I ripped my undies by deciding I’d drink a large mocha. I knew the coffee would fuck me up but I was just excited about free coffee and toasties and ham and I was talking to Nemo anyway so figured I wouldn’t be like up and insomniac alone. Kate and Vron were there and we actually chilled at supper for a bit because Kate’s finished for the year so she’s so calm and like chill now – like it’s actually a bit freaky how noticeable the difference is when she doesn’t have a single stress cos uni’s over for her. Vron was saying how she needs to sell her clothes cos she’s so poor and I wanted her like nice conservative clothes for hospy so I was like YASSS I’ll come to your room and look.

So we went to hers and I put aside a potential buy pile and she’s gonna bring up more clothes for me to browse next time she comes back from Tamworth. Then we marched up to Kate’s room so I could relieve her of some clothes. I don’t even need more clothes I have plenty I just wanted to cheaply boost my wardrobe and chill with the two of them and procrastinate I reckon. Linley and Hadeel and Nicky G and Claudia joined us in Kate’s room eventually and it was like a whole party!

Eventually we drifted to the commo and I did some actual work but it was getting pretty late by now so I only got through a couple of lectures. Also my computer just blinked out and died and I freaked the fuck out inside a little bit and had to make my notes off Edward Rose’s notes (which I actually think I may prefer doing now anyway lol) but yeah so it took a bit longer. And so I was texting Nemoss about euthanasia ethics because I wanted to show off my tute and I can’t believe he doesn’t like ethics and philosophy cos I feel like we talk that sorta stuff all the time and I was talking just generally to Max and Claudia and Nick and it was such a good time and then we drifted to Claudia’s room and suddenly it was 3am and we were talking some serious shit about annoying people at college (which was really funny because we all agree but can never say) and about how state laws are stupid and some should be federal etc. and then suddenly it was 3:30am and Clauds had fallen asleep with the light on so we thought we should vacate her room and everyone decided to go to bed.

I was still riding my coffee high and had Nemoss so headed back to my floor and omg Riley had vomited all down the corridor. It smelt terrible and he must’ve vomited like 3x down the corridor at least because it reeked and like in a patchy kinda way too. And then I see Riley and I swear I have never seen someone look so fucked in his life he was white as a ghost his eyes were starey and red and he was shirtless holding his shirt in a crumple and there were literally drips of vom dripping off his shirt-ball onto the floor in front of the bathroom. It was disgusting. And he stared at me blankly and then was like ‘Georgia’ and I was like gonna spew from the smell and I was sleep-deprived and like I don’t really like Riley and I was just like rip rip rip I’m gonna bed so I left him to deal with his shit.

His vom was so strong I could smell it from inside my room with the door closed so it was a huge rip. Anyway by then it was getting kinda late to sleep because I had to get up early to meet corky for brekky so I thought I’d just rough it and stay up and like watch my caffeine doses and like crash sometime tomorrow so I was up chilling with Nemoss by phone till 8am when I crashed for an hour.

Corky woke me up by texting me 40min later to see if I was awake to get ready to go to brekky and she’d even researched the bus I had to take and everything I was like wtf. So I dragged myself outta bed and had to shower on the 4th floor because the 5th floor still reeked like shit and I wasn’t entering that bathroom if my life depended on it. 4th floor water pressure is probably the worst in all of college, I discovered, so after an unsatisfactory shower I grabbed my wallet dumped mascara on and dragged myself on a bus to Centennial park.

Queen’s Park Shed was where we ate and it was actually like very small and quaint, not at all what I expected for some reason but it was nice and had just like chill picnic in the park vibes. Corky and I had granola with poached pear and berries and it was like clearly overpriced for $12 for like a bit of muesli, yoghurt and sparse berries but it was healthy, filling and yummy so oh well. I also medicated with a coffee and I reckon that’s why I’ve made it so far tbh. Corky and I had good chats because I haven’t seen her in ages and she was like not as stressed about uni work as usual because she’d purposely like written time off study so we could hang out. It was really really good to catch up and we talked from 10am to 2:30pm in our procrastination type catchup and it was so good we probs would’ve kept talking except I had to get to class by 3 lol.

SG was boring af we watched 2 videos on like bereavement and palliative care. The first was just an explanation of palliative care and the second was following the life of this irish man who had a large stomach sarcoma and was going to die. It was quite emotional but there wasn’t much like discussion on it and as soon as the vids were over we were pretty much allowed to leave. I was so bored and like not coping (but not tired yet, weird) so I let Kuheli like read texts on my phone and it was kind of weird breaching my own privacy like that but at the same time not really caring because I’m just at that stage in my life where I’m really open cos I don’t give like a shit about anything.

After SG we wasted time with Fenton and Nguyen for awhile then Kuheli dragged me to the coffee cart cos she wanted tea. I stayed well away from that coffee cart because I wanted my sleep tonight thank you very much but considering it’s now 1:30am and I haven’t slept it’s all quite moot, isn’t it? And then I bussed off to tutoring with Ella. Kuheli walked me to the busstop which was nice and I almost crashed on the bus but by that time I was dangerously close to my stop so managed to stay awake. Tutoring Ella woke me up too. We made use of the NRICH site link I stole off Wayne when I used to tutor him and we started doing some problem solving. We were only doing extension Year 5 problem solving and she’s year 7 but I felt that like it was easy enough to ease her into the concepts and yet there were still some things which confused her so I think it was a good level to start and maybe we will build on it next time and go a bit up idk. HOWEVER her exams are coming up so I can’t get distracted by my get her to problem solve goals cos she really has to revise all her topics to do well and pass her test like as first priority. Anyway it was nice session and afterwards her Dad dropped me back at Churchies like right near uni so I didn’t have to bus which was so so so fantastic.

I went up to floor 7 because I think whilst I’m studying I should make the most of people being around and soak up some company too and Linley was studying in the study room. I got a decent amount done, but I’ve lost a lotta time due to wasting time on Monday and having breakfast with Courteney like all day today so I’m still behind but not too stressed. Headed down to floor supper and cos I didn’t have lunch or dinner I like went ham and had a double cheese and ham toastie, 2 donuts and fruit and it was honestly so lit. Stayed away from the coffee again though cos I ain’t that mad.

Then back up to the study room and honestly just threw myself into it. Like Max, Claudia and Nicky G were in and out I think but I honestly can’t say what was going on I was so focused. Kate popped in as well and I think her like meeting with Hugh didn’t go great but it was never going to so at least she was a bit prepared? Idk then we moved to the commo again and the chill cycle is repeating again as we speak with the same people. Hamish has lent me his charger again tonight thank god so I have my phone and now that I’ve successfully (and lengthily) recapped the past like idk 48 hours or so, I can head back for some chats before bed. Hopefully I can find the balance between sleep and chills but idk even if I don’t I just don’t wanna rek myself too much. There’s always a bit of coffee tho tomorrow idk.

Off to Woollahra library all day cos I wanna try a change of scene but also wanna get a lot done so should be like nice to go somewhere slightly different to hang for once. Kk that’s all for now, I know this is quite badly written but I don’t have the cognitive function to like fix it up or write it properly or anything on my limited sleep right now, so it will have to do. Till another day J

[whateverpendejo]

School thoughts.. whats going on? 4/17/17

hmmm, so what’s new? i guess i’m just really over being here already. i can’t stand being in california no more. I just really want to go home, and be home and just chill for a min. I mean with bryan and everything we’ve been having problems but this post is not about him. It’s more so about people at HNU and work. I’ll start off with work since it’s been an on going problem. 

Work -

Apparently no one does shit any more. I feel so bad for boss because she hired shitty people. I blame ang for letting her hire shayla over the summer. I blame her as well for letting her convince me that she’s a good worker. Yeah summer RA is easy but i didn’t know the type of person that she is. Which is extremely laid back, does not like to work, and complains about literally everything. I honestly don’t know if boss is going to renew her contract because she’s too much. If i was her boss, I would not. Just being honest here. But she needs to get it together.

Lauren. Lauren can be a good worker, or a bad one. Which is why i hate working at night when the boss isn’t here because i have to deal with bullshit like that. One night i was working with her just to fill in an hour for sonia since she wasn’t feeling well and lauren decided to do homework on the research help desk. She was minding her business on the desk while i was on the main desk. I mean there was no students asking for help but at one point there was. So she did nothing, studying for school, doing homework, and I was there fricken doing all the work. I was going to be off in 10 mins or so and i didn’t want to call her out on it just because i didn’t want to seem like a bitch and say hey when i’m working here you should be on the lower desk, not the research librarian help desk. That’s what really annoyed me. It’s like if you’re getting paid to work, and you really need to do your homework, then maybe you should ask someone else to switch with you. 

The problem here is that people want to just do their damn homework at the library and that’s NOT what you’re getting paid for. Do the damn tasks fist, then proceed to do your homework. It can be the easiest job on campus, but if you’re not helping out and being lazy as fuck, then the library does not need you. We need to hire people that are not in cliques, meaning no friends because obviously they are lazy and have the same work ethic. Thank god here, i have no friends because they all use each other any ways. although i wish cordelia or brenda or franny worked at the library, that would have been more fun people to work with. 

anyways that’s all i have to say for the library. Moving on to the main story of it all: Angeline Banez.

So i know i’ve grown close to her through hanging out with namari and alicia with her because i would never choose to hang out with her unless they’re there. but i’ve grown comfortable with her enough to go on rides alone with her. until i began to realize the type of person that she is. So the day it all started was the times when HNU decided to cut the 4 majors. They cut Religion, Philosophy, Peace and Justice, and Latino Studies on top of the other 2 majors (nursing and music) so that gives HNU students only 14 majors to pick from, compared to the 20 that we originally had. 

So anyways, one day i was sitting in lunch and tucker was talking about doing something about it and ang was there eating with us. Tucker was saying something about not trying to get in trouble if he ends up doing something about the majors being cut. and Ang replies to him saying no, nothings going to happen to you trust me. Something about the last revolution she’s been in, and nothing happend to them and shit like that right. So basically supporting his decision to do something about this topic. 

Then one day i was working at the library and Alicia comes and tells boss that Bryan and a group of people came to her ISAC class and told them about their viewpoints and how we need to change this school. Basically asking for transparency between HNU students and the board so that we know these decisions are going to be made. Alicia’s point was that boss should be proud of bryan for doing something that he believed in and passionate about because no one else is brave enough to do that. But nooooooo. I get that Boss read in the email saying that they cut these majors because of these reasons and it’s a good reason to. So we can spend more money on other majors and invest in other things. Yeah, that’s a good reason, but where was the communication about that?? one day we have it, and the next day we don’t? like wtf. does HNU student’s don’t even matter and WERE the ones paying for this school. WE should matter. But that’s not the end of it. So then, Ang comes in and starts defending the school saying blah blah blah, this this and that to Sheena and Boss, and i’m already ignoring them, cause i don’t want to speak to them. Ang is so dumb i don’t understand how fake she can be. She’s changed. But not because of this, but even way before that. So then it hits 11am which means i’m off the clock and i leave cause i have class at 11. And i said bye to alicia and didn’t give a fuck about anyone else. Then apparently a person was standing there and they all stared at alicia like hello aren’t you working and they yelled at her and she was like no i’m not working. And there was 3 of them there, boss, ang and sheena and they wanted alicia to help the person like wtf. they’re so weird. 

Then after that interaction, i went to nobel during lunch and i told him you better stop telling shit to ang because shes fake as fuck and she’ll go and tell faculty and staff about what you guys are planning to do. She honestly wants to portray herself as on the side that you are on especially around faculty and staff. If there’s a person thats in favor for it, she’ll act like she’s in favor for it. If theres someone that’s not, she’ll be on their side. like how fucking two faced is that. And plus, when they had the last revolution when the twins where still in school, they were sending out the petition for people to sign via email and she even told bryan that she didn’t sign it because their info was wrong. Like ARE YOU KIDDING ME. she obviously has no right to say shit about info being wrong because she makes like she has info that is right.

She talks about how their revolution failed because they did not research enough about something and shit like that. like what? we’re asking about transparency and how our budget looks like for the school year. we’re a freaking non-profit school dammit. like that should be public information. and if they’re saying they don’t know how our money is being spent then clearly something is wrong here. So yeah for those reasons i don’t fuck with her. If she knows where our money is going then i want her to show me where i can access it. if she knows what the plans are for this school then i want her to show me where i can find that or what meetings has she sat in to show me that this school is not going to go down in flames. because it’s our degree that’s on the damn line. 

So for those reasons i do not fuck with her. 

ASHNU which is basically the student body of HNU needs to get involved with this situation too, to make it easier for the students to say what they want to say, but honestly we do not need them for this. If they don’t agree about what’s on the petition then they can go suck my dick. but basically the petition was written by students and faculty. so how you ganna tell me that it needs work when that’s what faculty and students want? yeah it would be easier with ASHNU but if they’re making it hard for us then forget them. so they decided to throw a town hall meeting to discuss this petition. 

During the town hall meeting, apparently it turned out to be a bashing of ASHNU meeting and we came to realize that no one even knows what they even do or what they even stand for. So that did not end up well, we are having another one next monday and i’m curious about what that will turn out to be. So anyways at 1 i had work that day when they threw the town hall meeting. it started at 12:30 so i stayed for the first 30 mins. I saw sonia getting food at Rosie’s cafe so i went to say hi to her and she asked me about what i was doing. i said i’ll tell her but the lady took her order. then after that meeting or so shayla sent on slack what the meeting was about through email. so it was a screen shot of the email that was sent to all students. Then sonia replied a while later and was like: “:( just saw this”

ang: they didn’t send it to staff

boss: ain’t we part of the HNU community?

Shayla: that’s why i sent it here because sonia and i were talking about it

me: it was for the students mostly

shayla:^^ Precisely

sonia: ahh, next time it includes us let me know

shayla: gotchaa

ang: did you know staff isn’t included in the petition tho, we aren’t crap

we get left out of everything

me: dude shut up then why do you know so much about everything

ang: we can talk in person rather then on slack

shay: students get left out of everything

me: then keep your opinions to yourself please

then i was in class in biomechanics and this bitch decides to call me like fuck off

ang: meeks we can talk in person. however regard to the previous comment that was in reply to sonia and eugenia as staff, i was stating that the petition address administration, faculty and the students but leaves out the staff. and by saying we get left out of everything it is in regards to staff issues that also hasn’t been heard. the student issues is as well a pressing issue but no opinion was issued towards it. if you feel you have any issues what have i have stated i am more than happy to speak with you in person.

me: i honestly don’t care about what you have to say. but thank you for the offer and clarification.

and then sonia went on to say something about being respectful on slack and shit the way sonia likes to stop fights or whatever. 

but it sucked cause i had to open with her the next day. i decided to go to the library after class finished because i didn’t want to have to wait for ang to get down to the library so i just checked out the key. Then when i got there, everyone was like omg meeks like you go girl, fuckn lauren was bowing down to me and shit hahah shayla came running in, and fonz was high fiving me like lmaooooo that’s too funny but she needs to fuck off.

So the next morning of course i’m on time and ang gets there at whatever time she wants to get there. and my thing is, if i go get breakfast and i see you, i’m not going to act like your mom and fuckn tell you to leave with me. i am not responsible or accountable for you, you’re a grown ass woman that needs to set her priorities straight. if you’re having a tough life, then tough. fuckn straighten out and get yourself together. and stop living on campus because ANYYONE can do your damn job. 

So anyways we open the library and i’m by the computer doing the spine labels. Ang goes hey do you want to clear the air about yesterday? i’m like you know what i honestly don’t care about what you have to say about it. and she’s like but what opinions did i have? and i’m like look, i just said i don’t care about what you have to say ang. at one point i was your friend but now i’m not. and i’m leaving in a month so i just want to be over everything here. and then she was telling me some of her reasons and i’m like you know what,  like i don’t want to speak for everyone here but i know i don’t like you, you know that saying of once you don’t like someone everything about them because annoying, yah thats you to me. and then she goes okay, so how can i better the situation? and i’m like you cant, i’m literally leaving in a month. maybe just keep to yourself and i’ll be okay. and then boss comes in and she goes to the back and i tell her how i feel and shit and i’m like boss please don’t schedule me with her because i will cry if i have to open with her. and she was like why you’re my best opener. so i’m like fine. but that’s going to suck cause she’ll be gone and no one will be there to break the ice or i won’t have someone else to talk to.

So that’s pretty much my story, and after that sonia too was like whats going on. cause none of the staff knew that i didn’t like her and i was like look it’s more of a personal thing than anything. she just needs to idk maybe leave the library so she can actually experience getting a job.