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politemenacephd · 1 year ago

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Arachnophilia: Part Twelve

Drider!Miguel O'Hara x Reader (+18)

Chapter Masterlist 🕷️

Content: Plot. Plot. Plot. Plot. Confrontation. Plot. Culminations. Confrontations. Lets go. The storm is brewing. (Also fluff at the start).

Notes: There was meant to be more in chap 12 but that gut punch will wait for chap 13, apologies in advance I'll be paying everyones therapy bills I promise. P.s shout out to the person who saw the foreshadowing hehe

‘I feel like it’s gonna storm soon.’

Your idle chit-chat floated through the nest as you lounged on the bed, your eyes fixed on the nearby window. With the shutters open you could see the full expanse of the forest in the distance. The sky was a pale and endless blue, dotted with a single motionless cloud, perfectly highlighting the stillness of the pines below.

‘Hmm?’

Mig looked up from the fire he was tending and glanced towards the same window, his eyes wide and peeled.

He was busy cooking breakfast over a small fire you’d built in the middle of the nest, one with a closable chimney that kept the nest free from smoke. Your shared home now looked like a giant chicken in the woods, a big white oval on two stumpy tree legs slowly puffing smoke into the empty air.

‘Is this your, senses, mi arañita? Because I don’t see a storm.’

‘Yeah, sure. Call it uh- intuition.’

Miguel grunted in response. He tapped his feet, feeling the vibrations, before shrugging and returning to the food. ‘Mm. Fascinating. Well, I trust your judgement, arañita. If you say storm, I will expect a storm.’

‘I feel like it’ll be a big one’ you added with a yawn. ‘Should be interesting out here.’

‘I’ll shutter up the nest, you won’t be harmed in any way’ he said, instinctively trying to soothe your worries.

‘You gonna spin a big tarp to cover the whole thing?’ you teased. He let out a snort of a chuckle.

‘Mm. That’s not necessary, it’s just you that needs protecting. Besides, I don’t think I can produce that much silk.’

‘Oh shh- come on, you wouldn’t let your home get destroyed just to cover me’ you scoffed. Despite your ribbing you were surprised when he turned, as his face was absolutely serious.

‘I can replace my home, arañita, I could not replace you. Your life will always matter more’ he said. He waved his little crude-cut wooden spatula in your direction as if telling you off, and slowly your smile returned.

‘Pff, okay, fine. When you put it like that you sound noble, and not- you know, obsessive.’

‘A man can be both’ he replied, and as he turned you caught just the hint of a teasing smile on his face. You were glad to see it.

‘Mm, sure. A man of many sides.’

You didn’t see it, but his smile drooped just a little. His eyes turned glassy over the burning fire. ‘So, many sides, yes’ he murmured.

‘What was that?’ you called, your body now spread wide over the mattress in a starfish position. Mig shook his head and forced the smile back on.

‘Oh, ah- I was just saying the food is done.’

‘Oh thank GOD, thank you thank you, I thought I would pass away from starvation.’

Mig drew back and carefully crawled across the floor to your side. He used the stool he’d built for you as a table to balance both of your plates. This proved mildly anxiety inducing for you, considering half of the plates seemed to be hanging over the edge, but it somehow held steady.

He took a quick sniff of your forehead as he sank down to join you. It would have been an odd or even off-putting behaviour to you even two weeks ago, but you were used to it now. You knew it was him checking your condition, smelling for your health and hormone balance.

As he sank down and folded his fluffy legs, he looked pleased. ‘You smell good this morning, little spider’ he noted.

‘Like, health wise? Are all my organs functioning nicely?’ you asked while grabbing your plate.

‘Yes, but- no.’

You blinked, clearly slightly taken aback by his response. You had to juggle your plate to avoid the food spilling as it tilted. ‘I’m sorry what? What’s wrong with me, what did you smell?’

‘Oh, no. Nothing is wrong, arañita. I just meant, you smell good. You smell nice. Literally.’

You made a soft ‘oh’ sign with your mouth as your brewing panic burnt out. ‘Oh. Oh! Oh! Aha- well, thank you, Mig, you- smell good too.’

Miguel chuckled to himself again as his abdomen vibrated. ‘I highly doubt that but, thank you anyway.’

With his body now settled he grabbed his own wooden plate, one that he’d absolutely piled with rare cooked venison. It turns out that carrying such an enormous body required a lot of sustenance. Usually you were happy to just sit and eat with him, comfortable in your domestic silence, but as he clawed up the first piece you abruptly put a finger to his open lips. His eyes rolled to you while his head stayed still, his eyes wide and curious as you rubbed his bared fang.

‘Can I get my morning kiss, before you get all messy?’ you giggled, gently tilting his chin with one hand.

He quickly pushed his plate aside. ‘Oh, yes- of course, arañita.’

You closed your eyes as he leaned in and kissed you firmly on the mouth. You couldn’t help but giggle again as a low, soft moan vibrated from his lips at just the faintest brush of skin, his eagerness oozing out of every little movement he made.

The heat at this point was basically over, but god, he was still insatiable.

He held onto your waist until he’d gotten at last six kisses, his lips moving slowly and tenderly as they enveloped yours, but you were forced to part when his tongue started brushing yours.

‘Mm- Miggy, sweetheart, food’ you panted as you pulled away. ‘If you go any further it’s gonna get cold.’

He met you with that sweet and awkward smile, his lips parted and breathless. ‘Ah- what? Oh, yes. Food. Okay, just— just one more—’

You squeaked as he launched forward and dragged out one more kiss, holding you for as long as he could, before finally letting you go. You had to wipe your lips on the back of your hand as you coyly watched him shuffle back.

‘You big dork’ you mumbled affectionately. If he heard you, he didn’t answer. He began ripping his food apart with his massive canines while you snacked beside him.

It was strange how easily and quickly you’d adjusted to living alongside Mig. Perhaps it being your first time living with someone gave you less to contrast, but whatever it was, you kind of liked his eccentricities.

You were getting used to him waking you up early so he could patrol his territory, where he’d kiss you before letting you go back to sleep. You were getting used to him carrying your sleepy body down to the spring in the morning so you could brush your teeth and wash your face. You were getting used to him preening himself and then preening you, combing your hair with strands of silk, and to his quiet presence around you while you read or checked the news or did chores.

You liked being around someone who could just sit in silence with you and not treat it as strange. You liked being around someone who was so blunt, because when he didn’t complain you knew he was genuinely comfortable around you.

As you finished up your meal you gently nudged him with your foot. ‘Hey, I was thinking. When we’re done with the full fireplace do you want to build anything else?’

Miguel grunted and turned mid-bite, his teeth terrifyingly bared around a red piece of meat. He aggressively tore it aside before speaking, desperate not to speak with any food in his mouth.

‘Ah- well, I had thought about building a second story. A den section, in the ground perhaps. I thought it, might be warmer.’

You hurriedly swallowed your last bite to reply. ‘In the ground? Are you sure? It’d have to be another bedroom right, if its all dark?’

Mig shrugged. ‘Yes. Or a second study. Or, we could, as you said, make it the main bedroom and make this a study. I just want to be sure that you’re comfortable here.’

‘Hey, I’m fine’ you said with a wave of your hand. ‘I’m good, I still don’t want to take over your home like that. I’d want it to be something that benefits you too. But, hmm… Now that I think about it, when the next heat comes, you dragging me down into your dark little nesting hole could be fun, right?’

At just the suggestion you saw his abdomen bristle. He tried to keep a neutral face, but his legs had begun gently tapping with excitement.

‘That… could be, fun’ he said slowly. You giggled at how strained he sounded.

‘Could be lots of fun’ you said, your voice dipping softly. ‘So warm, and safe, away from the outside world.’

He bristled even further, his spine physically arching. He had to bite his lip to keep his resolve. ‘Mm- it is, ideally, where nurseries are made’ he murmured. ‘In a safe burrow, in the ground. It would be… quite, evocative, for me.’

‘Oh my god Mig, you’re so—’

‘Miguel?!’

Your body went still as a voice echoed in from the forest outside. A voice that wasn’t yours, nor his. A voice that was new and yet painfully familiar. As the voice called again you heard the nearby birds flee.

‘MIGUEL? Are you here?’

‘That- that’s Jess’ you whispered. The words squeaked out of your mouth.

Miguel met you with the same look of horror. ‘Why would she want to speak with me?’ he hissed. You violently shook your head.

‘I don’t- I don’t know! I don’t know! Does- do you still talk to the HQ?’

‘No, I—’

‘HEY! Newbie!’

You felt a tightness in your gut that made you sick. It was as if everything suddenly stopped moving, like something had physically punched you in the stomach. ‘She- no, no I never said I was here—’

You scrambled out of bed and across the floor as Mig tried to calm you down.

‘Shit… shit! Why… why is she here?! Oh god did she see you on the call?’

‘Arañita, shh, it’s okay.’

Mig crawled across the floor and drew you back towards his chest with his forelegs. He rocked you like a baby with his claws in your hair, trying his best to show you the same gentle physical care you showed him when he panicked. ‘It’s okay’ he repeated. ‘I will- speak with them.’

‘NEWBIE! I need you to come out!’

Jess’s voice made you physically jolt in his grip. You let out a low whine as your anxiety tripled over. ‘Shit- I, I have to go out, right?’

‘No, no. I won’t let them take you out—’

‘Miggy they could take my watch’ you whimpered. You both simultaneously glanced at your watch on the floor, its screen blank but glowing. Your eyes rolled back to each other, and your arms tightened.

‘They could take my watch and my membership if they think I’m rogue. We have to go out’ you repeated.

Mig swallowed hard, almost gulping, his Adams apple rocking hard in his throat. You could see his mind working overtime from the way his eyes were darting back and forth, back and forth, desperately searching for a way to get out of this.

‘MIGUEL!’

You saw him physically deflate as Jess’s voice sounded for a third time. She was getting closer.

‘Okay’ he murmured. ‘Okay, um- okay. I’ll go out with you though.’

‘Are you sure?’ you whispered. ‘I mean won’t they know—’

‘Mi tesoro, they’re calling for both of us. They know. They knew we’re- together, at least to some capacity.’

You pursed your lips. It was uncomfortable but he was right, as always. They clearly knew.

‘Okay’ you croaked back. ‘Okay, ah- shit. Let’s go.’

You slipped into your new suit and crept your way out of the nest first, with Mig following close behind. You began to follow Jess’s distant cries.

The first steps you took were agony. Each crunching leaf beneath your boots was like a stabbing pain. As strange as it might be to anyone else, the one thing keeping you stable right now was the enormous shadow of Miguel’s spider form as it eclipsed your own.

God, why hadn’t you planned for this? You’d spent so long with this exact nightmare scenario haunting the back of your head, niggling at your conscious mind like a rat, and yet you’d just continued to push it down. Now you were paying for it. You had no idea what to say, what they’d do.

You sucked up a breath as you marched onward. Your feet were dragging at this point, desperate to just stop, but Miguel was at your back and his presence was forcing you to continue.

You had no idea what he was thinking. He seemed so calm on the outside, but his face was stony and drawn. When you glanced up at him you saw nothing, though he did make sure to keep his foreleg on your shoulder so you knew he was with you.

‘MIGUEL!’

Her voice was so much closer now. You’d definitely found her. You sidled up against one of the larger pine trunks and peered around it.

Sure enough, there she was. You could see Jess in her spider suit slowly trekking through the muddy earth, hands held up to her lips so her voice travelled further.

You took in one more deep breath, hard and sharp, and finally stepped out of the trees.

‘Ah- Jess, over here’ you called.

‘Hey, there yo- OH, JESUS CHRIST!’

Jess jumped out of her skin as you appeared alongside Mig, his enormous spider body slowly emerging from the dead brush. She was forced to look at you both from behind her hand, eyeing you up in the same way one would glance at roadkill. You felt your skin prickle at the strange reaction.

‘Sorry- shit, he- Miguel told me what he was but it- my god, that’s freaky’ Jess said, awkwardly stammering the last part to herself.

‘What- what is going on here?’ you asked.

As you emerged you realized with some horror that Jess wasn’t alone. It looked like the entire elite squad had been summoned. You could see Jess at the front with her head in her hands, flanked on either side by Spider Byte and Ben Reilly. They’d even brought Peter B. in the back. None of them looked happy to be here.

‘Look, I- if this is about me and—’

Your attempt to pre-emptively apologize was cut off as one final figure emerged from the back of the group. He parted the spiders like the sea, and with a single swish of his hand he removed his holographic mask.

It was Miguel.

He had a stony expression as he approached. You noticed his eyes scanning Mig before flitting down to you, and there they stayed for an uncomfortably long amount of time. You felt yourself shrinking under his gaze.

Miguel sniffed the air and immediately his cold expression turned violent. You saw the way his nose wrinkled in disgust, his eyes burning the colour of congealed blood. You even saw the flash of a fang.

Shit, you thought, he could smell it. He could smell what you’d done.

‘What- what is this?’ you stammered.

Right as you edged onto the cusp of anxiety you felt Mig pressing in at your back. The brush of his foreleg as it touched your shoulder helped to ground you in the moment, giving you a little piece of your courage back.

‘I- Look I need to ask again, what is going o—’

‘We’re here on code violation’ Miguel blurted.

You scrunched up your face in confusion. ‘Code violation? Look, if this is about me seeing Mig, I know you said not to but it wasn’t technically in the code—’

‘So you’re aware of the fact that you lied?’ Miguel snapped. You jumped at his tone.

‘Ah- I, I know, I—when I said I was sick, I wasn’t trying to lie, I really did need to—’

‘Being in heat is not being sick.’

Your face was burning up. This was mortifying. You could see the other elites glancing at each other, all either trying to discern what he meant or trying to hide the fact that they already knew. You gripped your own hands for support.

‘It- did, impact my ability to work, quite severely. I just didn’t want to discuss that kind of stuff with anyone, it—’

‘Hey, look—that’s fine’ Jess said. She’d put a hand on Miguel’s shoulder to stop him before he interrupted you for a third time, and while she still looked unnerved, she was clearly trying to be nice. ‘We don’t care about that stuff. I promise. You’re totally right that telling us would have been weird, and we don’t need to know why members are gone, we just gotta know that they are gone. You understand?’

‘Yes. Yes, I know, I’m sorry’ you repeated. ‘But- so, that isn’t why you’re here?’

‘No’ Miguel said bluntly. You watched him steady his hands on his hips. ‘We’re here because we do not facilitate or permit any reproduction across universes.’

His voice was unnervingly clear as he spoke, almost monotone. It was obvious that he’d memorised those words. It took you a good ten seconds just to verbalize one thing in response. ‘Wh- what?’ you stammered.

‘I’m sorry, newbie, but—it is a rule now’ Jess added. ‘We don’t know what this could do, if its dangerous, so- we just have a blanket ban.’

‘No, no, but- we’re not— I’m not, reproducing with him’ you exclaimed.

Miguel’s eyes narrowed. He looked exhausted. ‘Lyla, scan them’ he barked. Immediately your hands flew up. ‘NO- No, don’t, scan me—’

As you stumbled back in horror Mig finally stepped forward. Having been silent until now he could no longer stand back, and with his front legs reared he violently spat a line of smoking venom across the dead grass, separating you and him from the elites. They all immediately fell back.

‘Do not step any closer’ he seethed. The spiders all took defensive positions as his eyes transformed, the whites turning red and his pupils dilating. You remained hunched up against the fur of his abdomen.

‘Hey! Woah, woah, hey! Everyone chill!’ Peter cried, his hands raised and outspread as if he was trying to herd back a group of snapping dogs. You kept close to Mig as the other elites struggled to de-escalate.

‘Do we need a light cage?’ Spider Byte whisper-shouted across the group.

‘Nah, I can take him’ Ben drawled. At this point it was you and Peter trying to calm everyone down.

‘He’s not dangerous!’ you cried. ‘Just stand down, you- you came onto his territory without warning—’

‘Territory?’ Jess repeated back.

‘Yes, he- he’s a spider!’ you snapped, your voice finally cracking over the point of annoyance. ‘But he won’t hurt anyone if you just don’t scan my body without consent!’

The group hesitated for a moment, but the stalemate couldn’t hold forever. When Mig failed to do anything aggressive the group began slowly shifting out of their defensive positions, and when he continued to be still, they dispersed. Mig gave the group a curt nod.

‘Fine. No scan’ Miguel snapped, his jaw tense as his struggled not to hiss. ‘Bring up the lab results then.’

Despite your fears you recoiled at his suggestion and immediately snapped back. ‘Are you serious? You can’t scan me without consent, so you’ll just show my doctors notes without consent?’

At this point even Jess seemed concerned by Miguel’s actions. She was sharing looks with Spider Byte, speaking without words.

‘Miguel, you can’t do that’ Jess hissed.

‘I will do what I have to do if it puts the multi-verse at risk.’

‘But you—’

‘STOP. Enough’ Mig yelled, his monotone bark causing even Miguel to stammer. He glared at the elites one by one as one of his forelegs slipped over your shoulder.

‘We do not need a scan, and you don’t need their records’ he said slowly. ‘Yes, we mated. We have mated multiple times. They are my… partner.’

The words sparked such joy in your heart, and yet everyone else gave equal looks of discomfort or disgust. You saw Jess hang her head in her hand and mutter something you couldn’t hear.

‘Aha, oh boy, uh- well hey, as much as I love a good love story, uh… That’s kind of the problem then’ Peter said as he awkwardly sidled forward. He seemed to be the only one unconcerned with your relationship, as his cheery demeanour was seemingly undampened by your confession. ‘If you two are…. Doing, things, ah—well, birds and bees, you know, that sadly is our jurisdiction now.’

‘What Peter is trying to say is that this puts you at risk of conceiving a child with parents from two different universes, which is exactly why we’re here. We can’t permit that kind of behavior’ Jess added.

‘Wh- but, wait, why? That wasn’t mentioned in my induction’ you argued.

‘It’s not something we considered until, recently’ Jess admitted with another awkward shrug.

Your eyes narrowed, and with a grunt you stiffened your lip. ‘You mean Miguel just suddenly brought it up, right around the time I said I was sick, I assume?’

Jess didn’t look guilty at being called out. To your surprise, she looked confused. Her eyes flitted from you to Miguel as if she hadn’t expected you to guess such a thing.

‘Well, yes, but—’

‘That doesn’t matter. It’s still an issue, and we can’t allow it to continue. We’ll need to enforce a separation’ Miguel said, quickly cutting Jess off before she could reveal the now painfully obvious fact that he’d been looking for excuses to enforce this.

Immediately your stomach fell. Regardless of Miguel’s intentions, he was the society leader. He had control over everyone’s multi-verse watches. He could impose whatever he wanted, so long as he could justify it for the greater good.

He could take you away.

‘No! No, no, wait, we um- I’m on birth control’ you blurted.

The elites all glanced at each other. You saw, for a moment, panic in Miguel’s eyes. His plan hadn’t accounted for that.

‘You can- fuck, I can prove it. Jess, I give you consent to view my medical files. You’ll see it there, I had a scan done after the first- well, first few times we had sex, I was not pregnant, and- and I got 3 months’ worth of patches. We’re not having little spider babies, at least- not right now.’

While Miguel struggled to not openly fume Jess took up the mantel of checking your files. She drew up a smooth holographic screen from her watch and began to scroll with her finger, her eyes moving quickly over each little bit of information. You saw her lip curl slightly with discomfort, and you knew for sure she’d found your records.

‘Ah… well, they’re telling the truth’ Jess said with a sigh. She smoothly swiped the file away. ‘They’re on birth control. They ain’t pregnant. There is no immediate threat.’

‘But they’re still claiming to be in a relationship’ Miguel hissed beneath his breath. Jess shrugged; she seemed indifferent to his continued anger.

‘I mean yeah, but, that isn’t against the rules’ she said. ‘We’d need to ensure the rules are followed but, we don’t have any reason to restrict relationships.’

‘What about the mark?’ Miguel insisted. This time his finger was pointed directly at you.

‘The, mark?’ Jess repeated back.

‘Yes. The mark. On their neck. The bite.’

At first you were horribly confused, but then you remembered that Miguel had bitten you that one time you mated in the woods. Your hands frantically went to your shoulder where the scars remained.

‘He’s caused damage to one of my members, that’s—’

‘The biting was consensual’ you called back. It was a little scary to interrupt Miguel, but also secretly thrilling in a way. It felt good to fight back. However, you quickly learned to eat your words, as Miguel’s nose scrunched up with disgust.

‘What do you mean, consensual?’ he hissed.

‘Uh- Miguel, buddy, some- people are, into that stuff’ Peter whispered in his ear. You watched Miguel’s face contort even further. ‘I can explain to you later—’

‘I don’t need an explanation!’ Miguel snapped. The force of his voice pushed Peter to stagger aside. ‘I need—’

‘Everything I’ve done with Mig was by choice’ you asserted, cutting him off for the second time. Miguel’s rapidly decreasing patience was clear in the bloody stare he shot you, and while it caused you to shrink you had Mig there to hold you steady. You could feel his pride as he purred.

‘I- Look, I’m here by choice’ you explained. ‘I’m with Mig by choice. It was an accident that we met, but, we’re- friends. Well, we were friends. We’re, more than that now, and- that’s it. I’m not getting pregnant, I’m not- in any danger, so… please, just, go.’

‘Well then what about the newspaper?’ Miguel exclaimed, his finger still raised as he paced.

Jess audibly groaned at this point. She refused to even turn. ‘Oh my god—what are you talking about, Miguel?’

‘There was a story published. Some hikers ran into a monster, in the woods, a 10-foot spider that they saw eating someone alive. That was clearly them.’

‘And?’ Jess asked.

‘They’re at risk of revealing their secret identities!’ he snapped.

Jess sighed, her hand going up to rub her temple. You couldn’t see her face, but she sounded exasperated. ‘Miguel—Miguel, I don’t wear a mask! What are you talking about?!’

‘It—if people, know, about the giant spider—’

‘It’s not our problem’ Jess stipulated. She had her finger now pointed at his chest. ‘I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m not interested in enforcing any rules which suddenly put me and half the society in the doghouse. This is his universe, his problem. If he’s not causing damage he’s not a threat. If he needs help ‘cos he’s in danger, we offer help. Otherwise, its not my problem. Now let’s go.’

Despite their leader still seemingly fuming, the other elites were just as tired as Jess was. They’d been brought out here to argue relationship drama instead of fighting bad guys, and nobody wanted to draw this out any longer.

Jess shot you one last awkward wave as she turned. ‘Look, to be clear, we will need to organise this officially. You’re not pregnant now, but we will have to enforce that going forward for yours and your universes safety. Until we know what it does, you’ll need to be monitored. Okay?’

Your stomach turned at the idea of your relationship being authorised and overseen by the society, but right now you just wanted to leave. You decided to play along.

‘Fine. Okay. We’ll- discuss that soon’ you murmured.

Jess nodded, curtly, to both you and Mig, before turning on her heel. The other elites all turned to follow.

‘No!’

Miguel refused to move, even as the others began walking away. He had one claw raised and his hand was shaking, his face contorting into a mask of disdain.

‘No, no. No. No. You.’

He pointed his claw towards Mig, who met his vitriol with a neutral expression. The two locked eyes.

‘You. I cannot, permit this. I have tried to be nice, I have tried to give you an out, but you’ve given me no choice. I know, you know, that this is not safe. You can’t trust them that they’re safe!’

‘Miguel, come on, they—’

‘NO! No, Jess. I have one more thing that needs to be brought up.’

To your surprise, Mig’s stony façade suddenly cracked. Something about what Miguel had just said seemed to cause him significant distress, as his abdomen began to shake as his paws scraped at the earth. You tried to hold his forepaw but he didn’t even see you.

‘YOU!’ Miguel yelled as he turned, both hands now pointed at Mig. ‘What, about, Da—’

‘I plead section 1675.’

You were surprised to see Miguel go stiff, almost as if time had stopped around his body and his body alone. It was eerie the way he froze up, his fingers still raised and his mouth half open.

You glanced between the two, and inch by inch your expression went from scared to confused. You expected Mig to say more, to explain, but he didn’t. He just stared straight ahead with that same cold face.

Miguel began to lower his hand. ‘No. No, you can’t—’

‘Pull it up.’

You balked as Mig called for Miguel to act, seemingly without concern. It was like he’d done this before.

Miguel looked like he might explode. He was physically shaking, unable to comprehend how he wasn’t getting his way, but to your surprise he folded. He raised his watch.

‘Lyla. Come here.’

For the first time Lyla flitted into existence and walked across the open air, noting the strange new surroundings as she went.

‘Hi! What’s u—’

Lyla froze in a comedic parallel to Miguel as her eyes fell upon you, your hands still wrapped tight around Mig’s foreleg. Her glasses fell off and fizzled into tiny holographic pixels at her feet.

‘Oh my god you’re kidding me’ she murmured. Her voice was unnervingly monotone.

‘Lyla, I said come here’ Miguel snapped. She continued to ignore him.

‘Is this- oh is this your variant? Is this—WAIT!’

You jumped as Lyla drifted down to stand in front of your face, her eyes wide and starry. ‘So on your scan, when it showed—It was HIM?! Oh my GOD you’re KIDDING ME—’

‘LYLA!’ Miguel barked, quickly drawing her attention back. ‘Pull up file 87. NOW. RIGHT NOW.’

The AI shot you a slightly disgruntled look behind Miguel’s back, but she did concede, smoothly manifesting a file with her hands. She flicked her fingers and the holographic sheet flew towards Miguel and Jess, the latter of whom was now standing behind his back with a curious expression. The two glanced at the file together.

You saw Jess’s eyes widen, and then, she withdrew.

‘Okay. That’s—okay, never mind. Miguel, come on. He has a 1675. You can’t bring that up.’

Miguel looked so strangely defeated as he swiped the file away, and behind you Mig let out a sigh of relief. The elites moved to depart once more.

You were utterly bewildered. What just happened? What was Miguel about to say, what was that file? You glanced at Mig, expecting an answer, but to your horror he refused to look at you. He stared straight ahead at nothing, his face dark and shadowed.

‘Mig?’ you whispered.

‘You have no idea what you’re doing.’

You spun around as Miguel spoke. He was glaring at you, his eyes filled with something you couldn’t discern. Was he disappointed? Angry? Or, perhaps, sad? Whatever it was you didn’t get to find out, as he was dragged away by Jess when she grabbed his arm. The elites created a portal and departed without another word.

The moment the portal closed you felt something wet on your cheek. You blinked and glanced upward, only to find that the once clear blue sky was now dark and grey. A foreboding rumble echoed from across the hill.

‘Storm’ you whispered.

Mig promptly gripped your suit in his teeth, and like a cat with a kitten he carried you back into the woods.

Link to next part!

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel x reader #drider #miguel o'hara fanfiction #smut #smut with plot #spider man 2099 #monster human relationship #miguel angst #miguel smut

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monsterfloofs · 1 year ago

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Alien x Anonymous Reader (Sfw)

(Got to write a little something for my new alieum speices! : > I hope you enjoy! )

It was a whole different experience to arrive at an intergalactic hub with no way to communicate. The typical buzz of translated voices in your ear was replaced with a cacophony of musical sounds, clicking, trills and other inhuman vocalizations. Not that you hadn’t heard them before, but while your tech was working you had been more focused on conversations you could hear and understand. The ability to understand the world around you newly disrupted by static that had buzzed and sputtered angrily into your eardrum. Now that your com portal had chosen the most inopportune time to fizzle out on you, this typical background din had engulfed your attention. A choir of many different voices and dialects, none of which sounded anything remotely like something you could comprehend.

You startled as you were pushed into the crowd, trying to evade one pushy lifeform had you accidentally colliding into another.

You brought your hands up in a plaintive gesture. “Sorry, I’m sorry,” The being blinked at you, tilting its head this way and that, pinchers moving silently. The realization hit hard, without your device working, they couldn’t understand you either. A wave of embarrassment rolled over you as you tried to gesture with your hands. Pointing towards your ear and waving your hands back and forth.

“My com is broken, I can’t um—- Ugh!” The only thing you could think of is to bow apologetically and hurry away before you get yourself into any more trouble.

“This stinks,” You mutter to yourself. “I can’t even ask for my ship to be refueled without this stupid thing working.” You exit the flowing crowd to stop at a quiet space and take a deep calming breath. A hand placed on your heart as you tried to steady your nerves. You didn’t like crowds at the best of times, all those bodies pressing in on you from every direction made your heart do panicked backflips in your chest. You counted your inhale as you felt your lungs rising up against your ribcage. Letting out the exhale for as long as you can stand before starting the pattern again. From this vantage point the crowds don't look that bad, the noise wasn’t as jarring, and you begin to feel like you can breathe easy again.

You observe one distinct looking alien waddling across the shiny tilted floor. It was a species you hadn’t seen before. They had a long snaked head and neck that smoothed into a humanoid torso but ended with a quadruped body with stumpy legs. Like an alligator with the head of a snake, that was fused with a human torso inbetween. With the air of some kind of strange centaur, it waddled along slowly. Its squat lizard legs padded with a pair of synthetic boots that were form fitted to its reptilian toes. It was amusing to note that a lot of aliens gave this being a wide berth, and it made you smile.

At least some beings in the galaxy weren’t letting themselves be pushed around. This fella was taking life in their own stride, and nobody dared telling them to hurry up. At least, not that you could hear anyway. That long neck swiveled towards you, and you saw six white glassy eyes peer at you from above the snake like snoot. You duck your head apologetically, quick to look away. You fumble to retrieve your cell device out of your pocket, looking through the maps of the station. “It looks like there's a help desk on the next floor. . . I am going to hope and pray that someone can understand english.”

Staying at the fringes of the crowd you stick close to the shiny chrome walls, hopping into an elevator that would bring you onto the next level. You do a surprise double take as they see the alligator snake centaur standing alone in the elevator. It’s beady eyes trained on you. The door closes with a ping and the two of you stand awkwardly together.

The being scratches its throat with a clawed hand, before what sounds like a symphony of crickets, come from the back of its throat.

You blink, your eyebrows shooting up at the sound.

“Um. . . Excuse me?”

More cricket sounds, and you grimace awkwardly, before nervously tapping at your ear.

“I can’t— er, I don’t— understand you.”

The pitch drops, sounding more like a swarm locust than crickets. It’s snout cracking open slightly to be able to produce the sound. You fidget anxiously, shoving your hand in your pocket to produce your com, then gesturing with your hands. Tucking the com into one palm before bringing your fists together, thumb down. Then you pull your hands, twisting your wrists. Mimicking a gesture that would be akin to snapping a stick.

“My com is broken,” You tap at your ear again, then demonstrate with your hands.

“Broken.”

You hear crickets again, and rub the back of your neck sheepishly. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to crowd your elevator.” You perk up as the elevator door slides open, and with a sigh of relief you smile and wave to the strange alligator centaur.

“Well ah, I would say thanks for the chat, but um, you can’t understand me anyway. Haha, h-have a good day?” You step out onto the new platform, raising a hand to your forehead to try and see around the wave of new colorful station inhabitants. With your phone in one hand and your com back into your pocket you begin to navigate your way through the second floor.

Stopping with a sigh at the counter.

“Hi,” You begin, a deep baritone rumble coming from the severe looking creature from across the desk. Its deep forebrow raises skeptically as you smile awkwardly.

“Uh, uh, here!” You slide the com over the counter, and the being picks it up with a frown.

“It’s. . . ah”

You glance behind you as the reptilian being from the elevator waddles up to the counter. Their sixed glazed pearly eyes peer at you. “Did you need the help desk too?”

Crickets.

Crickets that the alien at the desk is able to hear, the brooding chiseled features lighten with understanding. A growly rumble coming from deep within its chest as it bares its teeth. Obviously laughing at you as your new friend explains your predicament.

“Hey!” You throw your hands up in defeat, “It wasn’t like I wanted to run around not being understood!”

You scrunch your nose as the two beings then engage in conversation, leaving you promptly in the dust. The alien behind the counter rises, pulling a monitor screen over for you, as words begin to jitter across the glass.

“Language?” The metallic voice hums boredly.

“Ah-Earthian English please, thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” replies the Ai, a little nicer than before.

You visibly sag in relief as english words start scrolling across the screen.

[ Communicator is down? ]

“Yes!” You wheeze in exhaustion and relief. There’s more rumbling laughter and a flash of teeth from the bulky alien at the desk.

[ Damn, that’s rough ]

“Oh man, you have no idea, I think I was going to start hyperventilating here, soon. Do you think you can fix it?”

[ I’ll take a look at it and see what I can do. If not, there is a place at the station where you can buy a new one. I’ll wire the store coordinates to your phone, what’s the number? ]

“You’re a life saver, it’s 177-333-9973-602, I can’t thank you enough.”

You bring up your phone, tapping it to the ai screen and it plings as the new information comes through.

[ If I can’t get your com fixed, I will tell the owner you’re heading their way. ]

You take a deep breath and nod.

“Okay, thank you. Thank you again.”

The alien grunts, an amused smile still scrawled over their broad face as they turn away to tinker with the com.

“Well,” You say, turning to your snooted friend, “This has been quite a day, and it’s not even lunch yet.”

♡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡｡♡

Enjoy what I write? I have a tip jar! I also take writing and art commissions on kofi! ヽ(*ᵔ▿ᵔ)ﾉ

#alien x reader #alien x human #monster x human #monster x reader #alien x gender neutral reader #alien x gender neutral human #floofydoodles

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cippercopper · 6 months ago

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She's undergoing a SLIIIGHT redesign

This is me just reposting this entirely because, erm, it completely flopped the first time and I worked so many hours on these ;-; lmao

Basic Info, extra reference sheets, and links are below :D

Basic Info:

-> Domestic silk moth yokai (Bombyx Mori) -> she/her -> 16-years-old -> 5'0", 152.4 cm (She's a shortie) -> Transgirl and bisexual -> July 28 birthday (it was the last day of national moth week. Her creation date was actually 16 days prior, on the 12th) -> I wanna make her OC x canon but I don't actually know who to ship her with ermmm. might make a poll. maybe not, i don't think i'd get much interaction -> Her namesake was literally "Uh, well, she's mint. . . Peppermint. . . Pepper. . . yeah, that's good enough"

Physical appearance:

-> large antennae -> flat chest she's not a mammal there's no need for boobs, guys -> fluffy -> stumpy feet / daikon legs (if you know, you know) -> large eyes

Extra References:

Excuse that these are really rushed and on the last one, i just slapped something on it and called it a mouth. But I tried making it look like the concept formats they actually used for the show

Artfight Profile is here Unvale Profile is here

anyway, i love her and she is my child and i am a proud single father of one

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phantomrose96 · 11 months ago

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does peaches have short legs or is she just a tiny cat

It's fine my mom calls her Peaches sometimes!

Also Patches IS little, but her legs are normal and proportionate. But she IS a long-fur cat so sometimes when she's just Standing her legs look stumpy because she's got so much floof happening draping over her legs.

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twst-drabbles · 1 year ago

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Silver and Malleus 3

Summary: Halloween is coming around and Silver’s little pet Malleus was more than a little excited to decorate your house as he saw fit. You didn’t stop him.

(??? Weeks without writing and suddenly I can do two a day?? I'm honestly very confused why this is happening, but I'm not going to question it.)

Never have you seen Malleus’s wings vibrate so rapidly like that. Practically looked like hummingbird wings, like he stole them right off as the little dragon zipped around your roof like a bug exposed to light.

“He’s uh,” you tilted your head towards Silver, who also can’t pull his eyes away from the sight, “he’s a little excited to be here today, huh?”

Malleus’s head suddenly shot up to the skies, sharp green eyes glinting for just a moment before thorns bloomed from his shadow. They reached up high before the vines braided themselves in a complex pattern that made sense to him, but seemed like knots to you.

Silver gently laughed with a smile, shrugging in defeat, “I know you’re letting him decorate your house however he pleases, but I still feel like I have to say sorry. He’s usually happy but never this excited for Halloween.”

“I’ll say. It feels like he’ll burn himself out, but I’m pretty sure he’s got loads of energy to spare,” you patted Silver’s shoulder, “though, where are the rest of your pets? You’d think they’d be helping Malleus out.”

“Right there,” Silver pointed to the tree right around the entrance to your house, “I think Malleus wanted to take charge, so they’re relaxing over there.”

“’Relaxing,’ huh?” Sebek was obviously consumed by Malleus’s own excitement and was shaking with the strength of his cheers and roars, but it was pretty clear to you that he also wanted nothing more than to zip right on over and help him out, but can’t.

The only one truly relaxing was Lilia, almost looked asleep, hanging upside down from the branch like that, but he periodically opened his eyes just to check his surroundings. Every time you caught his eye, he would flap his leathery bat wings before snuggling back into them.

“I’ll help you clean up once it’s all over,” Silver nudged his head against yours to grab your attention.

“That be great,” you rubbed his back in appreciation, because the grotesque that Malleus was making out of his thorns looks way too big to tackle by yourself. The plant nymphs can’t exactly help. They’d be too scared to touch them.

When he was satisfied with his work, Malleus ran on his stumpy little legs to the ledge of your roof. He spread his arms and wings wide, as though saying “Look! Witness the beauty of my creation!” with the confidence a little kid would have with their first clay art.

“He can’t make gargoyles yet,” Silver whispered just as you gave Malleus a thumbs up and a smile.

“I’m sure he’ll get it one day,” you whispered back.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst-drabbles #twst-drabbles exclusive #drabble #diasomnia #malleus #malleus draconia #silver #house pet au #reader insert

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alphynix · 2 years ago

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Crystal Palace Field Trip Part 1: Walking With Victorian Monsters

The Crystal Palace Dinosaurs take their name from the original Crystal Palace, a glass-paned exhibition building originally constructed for a World's Fair in Hyde Park in 1851.

In 1854 the structure was relocated 14km (~9 miles) south to the newly-created Crystal Palace Park, and a collection of over 30 life-sized statues of prehistoric animals were commissioned to accompany the reopening – creating a sort of Victorian dinosaur theme park – sculpted by Benjamin Waterhouse Hawkins with consultation from paleontologist Sir Richard Owen.

The Palace building itself burned down completely in 1936, and today only the ruins of its terraces remain in the northeast of the park grounds.

The Crystal Palace building then and now Left image circa 1854 (public domain) Right image circa 2011 by Mark Ahsmann (CC BY-SA 3.0)

Six sphinx statues based on the Great Sphinx of Tanis also survive up among the Palace ruins, flanking some of the terrace staircases. They fell into serious disrepair during the latter half of the 20th century, but in 2017 they all finally got some much-needed preservation work, repairing them and restoring their original Victorian red paint jobs.

———

…But let's get to what we're really here for. Dinosaurs! (…And assorted other prehistoric beasties!)

The "Dinosaur Court" down in the south end of the park still remains to this day, displayed across several islands in a man-made lake. Over the decades they've been through multiple cycles of neglect and renovation, and are currently cared for by the London Borough of Bromley (Crystal Palace Park Trust are due to take over custodial duties in September 2023), with promotion and fundraising assistance from organizations like Historic England and the Friends of the Crystal Palace Dinosaurs charity.

Just about 170 years old now, the Crystal Palace Dinosaurs represent fifteen different types of fossil creatures known to 1850s Victorian science, with only three actual dinosaur species featured. Although often derided for being outdated and very inaccurate by modern standards, they were actually incredibly good efforts at the time, especially taking into account that the field of paleontology was still in its very early days.

They also just have a lot of charm, with toothy grins and surprisingly dynamic poses.

Unfortunately on the day I visited in early August 2023 most of the statues were heavily obscured by plant growth, both on their islands and on the sides of the paths they can usually be viewed from. Since I'd seen images from about a month ago showing things being less overgrown, this was probably just some unlucky timing on my part coinciding with some explosive summer foliage growth.

The first island on the trail features a few Permian and Triassic animals which were only known from fragmentary remains in the 1850s. These "labyrinthodonts" were recognized as having similarities to both amphibians and reptiles, and so were depicted with boxy toothy jaws, warty skin, stumpy tails, and long frog-like back legs.

Today we'd call these particular animals temnospondyl amphibians, specifically Mastodonsaurus, and we know they were actually shaped more like giant salamanders with longer flatter crocodilian-like jaws, smaller legs, and long paddle-like tails.

———

Somewhere in the foliage beyond this specific "labyrinthodont" there was also supposed to be a pair of dicynodonts, but I couldn't see much of them at all and didn't manage to get a remotely visible photograph.

Crystal Palace Dicynodon when much less overgrown Left photo by London looks (CC BY 2.0) Right photo by Loz Pycock (CC BY SA 2.0)

These Dicynodon are depicted as looking like sabre-toothed turtles complete with shells. That was fairly speculative even for the time, but considering only their weird turtle-beaked-and-walrus-tusked skulls were known it was probably the best guess Hawkins and Owen had. Today we know these animals were actually synapsids related to modern mammals, but Victorian understanding considered them to be a type of reptile.

Modern reconstructions of dicynodonts have a slightly different face shape, along with squat pig-like bodies and semi-sprawling limbs. They may have had fur, but currently the only known actual skin impressions from the genus Lystrosaurus show leathery bumpy hairless skin.

———

Next time: the Jurassic and Cretaceous sculptures!

#field trip!#crystal palace dinosaurs #retrosaurs #i love them your honor #crystal palace park #crystal palace #labyrinthodont #temnospondyl #mastodonsaurus #dicynodont #dicynodon #synapsid #paleontology #vintage paleoart #art

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insomniac-rambling · 17 days ago

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Explaining why the parasites from Rodamrix lowkey abuse Shapeshifter

Exhibit A: What even is Shapeshifter?

In both timelines, Shapeshifter, or as I like to call, Forteshifter, is an antagonist who is part of the Impostor species. A race known almost exclusively to be enemies of Crewmates. According to the Rodamrix Fandom Wiki, its abilities are as follows:

Claws

Prehensile tongue

Shapeshifting aka color-changing

Regenaration

And

Not having a goddam jaw apparently

“But Ramble, didn’t the Wiki also say that Shapeshifter was a parasite? How could they be abusing itself?”

Oh how I could go into mental health and how people get abused by their own brains…But to put a lid on THAT topic, I’m just gonna say it here

Shapeshifter is NOT a parasite. But it IS connected to them.

How do we know? Well, let’s look at why people say that it IS a parasite first. Our first scene? In episode three of the main series, Power. Where we first meet the guy, and our first look is this:

I know, really helping my case. But hear me out. I’m gonna call this its ‘parasite form’, where it essentially IS the parasites. And I know what I said earlier, I’ll get to that. In this form, Shapeshifter is just barely in the shape of a bean. With tentacles, mouths, a red eye. The only indication that it’s something we’re familiar with is its round shape and stumpy legs.

The second scene comes here, in episode 5 of the original series, Encounter

Here, Shapeshifter is shown to not have a name. In fact the text glitches out, like it’s trying to find a name for Shapeshifter, but can’t seem to. This would make sense for a parasite being ejected, since I’m pretty sure they don’t have individual names…But who knows, I could be wrong lol. Anyways, Shapeshifter doesn’t have a name. This is obviously significant, meaning it likely doesn’t have an identity. At least not a proper one. No wonder, it doesn’t have an ID, it switches colors, the damn thing doesn’t even have a stable body!

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

“Well, if it doesn’t have an identity, and it looks like that fucked up mess, how can it not be a parasite?”

To which I say BAM!

Yeah, take it all in. This is from episode 6 of the alternate timeline, Red. Specifically the second half of it. In this scene, a parasite tendril has just witnessed Red making up with his friends after revealing to them that he was an Impostor. After learning this, it goes to Shapeshifter, and whispers in its ear the tea. Like your friend from high school telling you about Josh’s new bae.

This makes no sense.

First of all, if Shapeshifter was a parasite, wouldn’t that mean it would be mentally connected to the others? And therefore already know that Red spilled his secret? Why does it need a parasite telling it that like a devil on its shoulder tempting it to sin?

This implies only one thing. Shapeshifter, on some level, is a separate entity from the parasites. It is very clearly connected to them, but they are NOT one and the same. Secondly, if they WERE the same, then how do you explain the tentacles?

The picture on the left is from episode 4 of the alternate timeline, Stranger. The picture on the right is from episode 6, Red. Also the second half. Let’s focus on the picture on the left first.

Here, Shapeshifter is destroying the parasite specimens the Polus team has collected for…why did it do that? I could never figure that out. Anyways, we’re not here to discuss the scene. We’re here for the tentacles.

“😏?”

Not like that. Here, the coloration of the tentacles is a sort of purpleish dark red. Which, if we were really paying homage to the og Fortegreen, I would’ve made bright yellow or red. But then again, that probably wouldn’t be very aesthetically pleasing, so this was a good call. However, later on, the tentacles take on a…different appearance.

For some context, Red, Blue, White, and Tan teamed up with Impostors Pink and Purple to fight Shapeshifter. But they immediately get separated, allowing Shapeshifter to come to Glitchy disguised as their deceased mother/father/parent to kill the poor kid. Dark. In order to save Glitchy, Red uses his own prehensile tongue to stab Shapeshifter in the eye/visor, killing it. But it seems the parasites weren’t quite done with it. Reviving the Impostor, and also…giving it an interesting change.

Upon revival, Shapeshifter’s tentacles have taken on the appearance of parasites. Becoming colored black with bright red eyes, just like the parasites themselves. Again, this makes no sense. If it was the parasites, wouldn’t its tentacles look like this at all times? And not that reddish color from earlier? How come it’s only after Red kills it that it goes from this:

to THIS?

The only explanation I can think of is that it’s a parasite-infected Impostor, such as Indigo, Gun Bean, or Red. After all the parasites did change his appearance once they took full control of him, maybe something similar happened here? Shapeshifter’s consciousness was temporarily taken out, allowing the parasites to take over completely. Maybe even permanently. Its visor did stay red by the end of the episode.

So now that we’ve established that Shapeshifter is its own entity, why don’t we take a look at its relationship with its…‘partners’?

#among us #amongus #among us animation #among us impostor #among us rodamrix #rodamrix #rodamrix parasites #rodamrix shapeshifter #rodamrix fortegreen #rodamrix theory #rodamrix analysis #cw: mentions of death #cw: mentions of abuse

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marimbles · 4 months ago

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Forgot to post my piece for Residents of the Wild, a zine focused on NPCs from BotW! This is basically my silly version of the sand boots side quest from BotW. (Shoutout to @botwdialogue for documenting all the dialogue for the entire quest—that was such a helpful reference! X)

Word count: 2k

These Boots Are Made for Jogging (in the Sand)

What’s the best way for a strapping single guy to show off his lady-catching sand boots?

Jog around on the sand. Duh.

So that’s what Bozai did, day after day, circling Gerudo Town like a fashionable, sporty hawk. Sure, it was exhausting. And sweet Hylia, it was hot—even when he downed chilly elixirs around the clock. But eventually, it would all be worth it, when he caught the eye of the perfect woman.

… Right?

Bozai slowed to a stop by the southern entrance of the town, where a pair of gorgeous yet imposing Gerudo guards flanked the doorway.

“Hey,” he panted. “Nice day, isn’t it, ladies?”

The guards glared down at him.

“Move along, voe,” one of them said gruffly. “If you loiter, we’ll assume ill intent.”

Bozai laughed. “Hey, I’m not trying to sneak in—I promise! I just want to chat. Care to join me on a jog?”

“We have no interest in chatting,” the other guard said, voice cold. “We must remain at our post. Besides, we would easily outpace you. Your legs are short and stumpy.”

“Come on, ladies, that’s not very—”

But then two sharp spears were pointed right at his chest, so he had no choice but to drop it.

Bozai sighed and jogged away, trying to ignore how sore he was. He had to keep jogging. His dream girl was waiting for him! (Probably.)

He rounded the corner, and someone nearly ran into him. Someone a full head shorter than him, with long, blonde hair and big, blue eyes, and—

“Oh.” Bozai blinked. “It’s just a guy.”

A Hylian guy, with a weirdly pretty face and a slew of weapons strapped to his back. He gazed silently up at Bozai, expressionless.

“Saw me running around, huh?” Bozai shifted his backpack. “See, I heard Gerudo women liked a guy in sand boots …”

(Of course, it was the shoe salesman who told him that, but that guy had a hot wife, so Bozai would have to be an idiot not to take his advice about women.)

The stranger looked down at Bozai’s feet. “Sand boots?”

“Yeah! They let you walk normally on sand,” Bozai said proudly. “What do you think? Jealous, right?”

Blondie’s face stayed blank, like he wasn’t even impressed with Bozai’s amazing, manly, one-of-a-kind sand boots. Did he somehow miss what Bozai said? Or was he just stupid?

“Gimme those boots,” the stranger demanded.

Bozai took a step back. Okay, apparently he impressed this weirdo too much.

“Not cool!” Bozai said. “Look, these are super rare. Mayyybe I’d consider giving them to you if you were a girl, but a guy? NO.”

Blondie did not look at all deterred by Bozai’s devastating rejection. In fact, he looked kind of determined. Or maybe … amused? It was hard to tell, with that weird, stoic face of his. He was starting to creep Bozai out.

Bozai cleared his throat. “I’m busy here. Get lost!”

He pushed past the guy and resumed his jog. Man, why did he have to run into a weirdo like that? Why was it never a cute girl waiting for him around the corner?

Bozai’s eyes locked on the approaching corner of the city wall. Maybe there would be a cute girl waiting for him. What would he say to her? He should plan it out, just in case.

’Sup, girl? Name’s Bozai. But you can just call me Dream Guy. Heh.

At that point, he would run his fingers through his dark, silky locks (which were not that silky, to be honest, since his bangs were perpetually plastered to his forehead).

Ugh. That wouldn’t work. He couldn’t be suave and sexy when he was all sweaty. But where was a guy supposed to take a bath in the middle of the desert?

Bozai turned the corner and stumbled to a stop. A figure stood in his path.

A female figure.

There was no mistaking it this time. She was Hylian, but she wore the delicate silk of the Gerudo, her stomach and shoulders bare. Even with a veil covering her lower face, Bozai could tell she was beautiful.

“Sa-sa-sa … sa’votta!” he stammered. (Was that the right word? Or should it have been sav’saaba?)

The girl did not reply. She just watched him over her veil, her eyes bright and piercing. Bozai’s heart did a strange little flip.

“The name’s Bozai,” he said quickly. “I’m thirty-five, single, and I love jogging. Especially on sand.”

Not the best intro in the world, but not bad either. It was nothing that couldn’t be saved by the power of The Boots. Bozai shuffled his feet for good measure, so the beautiful stranger would be sure to look down at them.

“Nice sand-jogging!” she said.

Gotcha.

“Ah, you noticed these old things?” Bozai attempted to sweep his bangs back in a cool, carefree way, but they just clumped together awkwardly instead. He launched into a description of The Boots before the girl could decide he was lame and walk away.

“So, anyway, if you want to check them out, we could grab a quiet corner and—”

“Gimme those boots,” the girl ordered.

Bozai blinked. He must have had sand in his ears, because for a moment, she sounded almost like that weirdo from before.

The girl stared him down. She even sort of looked like him now, with those intense blue eyes and that golden-blonde hair. But Bozai was surely coming down with some sort of heat sickness—because surely this desert goddess had nothing in common with that sulky creep! (Not to mention, she was a girl.)

Bozai squinted at her against the sunlight.

“Um … well … here’s the thing …” he began.

Wait. This is a golden chance to woo her!

“I mean—sure!” he said hastily. “I’d love to give them to you, you hungry little boot monster!”

It was a cute nickname, right? Maybe that’s what he’d call her when they were married, holding hands while they jogged across all kinds of surfaces—sand, snow, grass, rock. Maybe they’d even jog over water together. Or lava! That would be extra romantic. Someone had to invent lava boots, right?

Focus, Bozai!

He straightened, standing as tall as he could in his sand boots (which, unfortunately, was not very tall. The guards were right about his legs being short and stumpy).

“But first, a favor.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Ever heard of the legend of the eighth heroine?”

Immediately, the girl was captivated.

Gotcha again, Bozai thought.

A few minutes later, he’d handed over his trusty snow boots—which he hated to do, really, but it was all in the name of love. The girl would be back in a few days, anyway, because even in snow boots, the Gerudo Highlands were treacherous. No sane person would actually scale those cliffs and hike through all that snow just to see an old statue no one was sure even existed. Pretty soon, she’d realize that she’d much rather hang out with the handsome guy in the sand boots than freeze to death.

Bozai settled under the shade of the tent at the front of the town to wait.

“See you soon, Goldie,” he whispered to himself, and then he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of blue eyes and lava boots.

Goldie was not back in a few days.

A whole week went by, and there was no sign of her. Bozai fretted and frowned and fussed, and the nerves made him even sweatier than usual. But there was nothing he could do. Had Goldie fallen off a cliff? Or turned into a beautiful, tragic ice sculpture?

Or maybe she’d just taken his boots and run off, laughing at how stupid he was for thinking he ever had a chance with her. (That one made him so depressed that he tried flirting with the guards again, if only to give him a different rejection to brood over for an hour.)

Just when he’d almost lost hope completely, a familiar pair of eyes was blinking up at him.

Bozai gasped. “Oh, thank goodness! You made it back safely!”

He was so relieved that he couldn’t even think about acting cool. Instead, he found himself confessing the lie of the eighth heroine, apologizing, blabbing about his feelings—basically, rambling like an idiot. He was on the verge of getting on his knees and swearing his allegiance as her eternal protector when she held up a hand.

“Found it.”

She was trying to make him feel better. Which was sweet, but Bozai didn’t deserve that. He tried to tell her so, but she shoved a small, rectangular something in his face.

“Look at this!”

Bozai stared. There, on the rectangle, was an impossibly realistic image of what could only be the real eighth heroine.

“That—that’s amazing!” he spluttered. And then he was rambling again, nerding out about archaeology (his secret passion, other than boots). He had almost managed to bring the subject around to the subject of eternal love—in a subtle way, of course—but Goldie had a remarkably one-track mind.

“Sand boots, please!”

Bozai’s heart sank. But he was nothing if not a man of his word, so he dutifully took off the boots and relinquished them into her waiting hands.

“Could you be a lamb and return my snow boots?” he asked. “Otherwise ol’ Bozai’s going to be barefoot!”

She looked equally reluctant to hand them over, but she did, watching wistfully as he slipped them on. Or maybe that sad look was her way of telling him that she didn’t want to say goodbye either. Well, Bozai could take that hint.

“I’m pretty tired from my jogging regimen,” he said casually. “I think I’ll take five under the tent at the front of town. Care to join me?”

She didn’t. Bozai jogged dejectedly back to the shade, feet heavy in the wrong kind of boots.

The rest of the day crawled by. Bozai didn’t feel like jogging anymore. Not when he had to do it in snow boots, which were even clunkier in the sand than regular boots. Instead, he watched for Goldie under his tent. She had to come back, right? They were practically soulmates! (Or sole-mates. Heh.)

But alas, she was nowhere to be seen. The only golden hair he spotted belonged to the blank-faced weirdo—this time, practically shirtless, with a stupid-looking ponytail on top of his head. Bozai scoffed. What kind of outfit was that? Was he trying to invent some kind of Gerudo men’s wear? As if that was gonna get him into town. Idiot.

Blondie jogged toward a stray sand seal. It darted away before he could get close.

He jogged toward another one. He looked strangely light on his feet, like the sand wasn’t slowing him down at all. Almost like …

Bozai’s eyes widened. Blondie was wearing The Boots—the amazing, manly, one-of-a-kind sand boots he had just gifted to his true love.

Bozai jumped to his feet. “Hey! You!”

Blondie froze, panic on his normally stony face. Behind him, another seal dove beneath the sand.

“Those are my boots!” Bozai shouted, trudging clumsily toward him. “Or, I mean, they were! Where did you get them?”

Quickly, Blondie pulled something out of his pocket.

And then he started glowing.

Bozai stopped short, gaping. Blondie was glowing like a blue nightshade at midnight. And soon he was also floating, the toes of his stolen boots dangling above the sand. His body dissolved away in gleaming ribbons of light. And then he was gone.

Bozai stared at the spot where Blondie had disappeared, footprints still fresh in the sand.

“Did you see that too?” he asked a nearby sand seal.

“Arf!” said the seal.

Bozai shook his head. There was only one thing to do when your almost-girlfriend was robbed by a dead-eyed, weapon-loving freak who was apparently some kind of sorcerer.

He marched back to his tent and took a nap.

#legend of zelda #loz #botw #bozai #bozai botw #breath of the wild #mine #my fics #residents of the wild #loz fic #botw fic

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