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hellroots · 3 years ago

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『 MOBILE FRIENDLY RULES 』

— here you will find my rules or can also find them on my gdocs as well once i’m done with it. please like this if you read it, but otherwise don’t interact with this post, thank you. rest assured that i always read my moots rules before following and that i fully expect the same courtesy. i tried not to let them get too long but feel free to ask me anything you wanna know about them if it’s not clear ok?

『 THE MUN』

NOXTROMUN, THEY/THEM, 21+, BRAZILIAN

shy but friendly ! i don't follow for follow, if i follow you that means i've read your rules and want to write with you. i have no triggers nor squicks of my own except drama in the dash, for that reason i do not engage in callouts/witch hunts and if you do it on a constant basis i might have to hard block you for my own peace of mind. although i may come off too strong/harsh, i am always up to talking things out privately. as long as you are civil, so am i. any form of hate will be deleted and blocked - sometimes mocked, if i’m feeling cocky…

『 THE BLOG』

HELLROOTS, INDIE ( POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING AND NOT MINOR FRIENDLY ), HIGHLY SELECTIVE & PRIVATE MULTIFANDOM MULTIMUSE

primarily run on a low activity \ effort and with a slow speed.. my muselist changes a lot, depends a lot on what i’m watching lately so bear with me please. this is a drama free zone, therefore do realise that mun ≠ muses and (obviously) writing ≠ condoning !! as a quick note, do keep in mind that my blog is my safe space, just as your blog is yours - you are responsible for your own internet experience just as i am responsible for mine. should anything in my blog annoy/trigger/squick you, i strongly encourage you to block me & not write with me - your mental health is far more important ( for me, and hopefully for you as well ) than rp. on that note, please do not softblock me - that’s annoying, just hardblock please.

『 THE TRIGGERS』

TRIGGER HEAVY, PROPERLY TAGGED AND TAKING NO CRAP

i usually tend to write for trigger heavy fandoms (such as asoiaf, kingdom and others) and may incorporate some of it into my writing, muses' backgrounds and overall characterization. if you're bothered \ squicked \ triggered by that, i kindly encourage you to reconsider and not follow me. no amount of rp fun is worth your mental health. i try to tag everything accordingly and i fully expect the same courtesy for our followers' sakes. be aware that there may be mentions of death, gore, violence, consanguinamory \ endogamy (especially when it comes to the lannisters and kekkei genkai clans), rape ( kingdom, though it will only be mentioned on the character’s backstory ) and cannibalism ( hannibal and kingdom ) , as well as unhealthy relationships and dynamics alongside with powerplay, and otherwise bad behaviours. for all that is sacred, please, do note that i, the mun, do not approve, support or condone any of these actions or behaviours !! i simply am capable of separating fiction from reality. as long as everything is properly tagged, with mutual consent and there are no minors involved (muse and especially not muns), . i support the right of a consenting adult to explore these awful dark topics in a safe fictional environment with other like minded consenting adults, people shouldn’t have to share their traumas to strangers on the internet to explain why they write what they write, be considerate. if that notion bothers you perhaps you might not want to interact with me, for both of ours sakes. fair warning, most of my graphics and aesthetics might trigger those who have xylophobia/hylophobia (phobia of trees or wooded areas), and considering it is a main theme here i will not be tagging it, i'm sorry. but its too many. however, if you want me to create a special tag for you, there's no issue! it will be either "[your mun name] don't look!" or "[your url] don't look!", whichever you prefer. QUICK EDIT/ADDITION: i do not believe that aging up fictional characters is inherently a bad thing - from what i understand, the whole appeal of aging up a character is that while you like their personality but you do not want them to be kids (for whatever reason) but insteasd adults. if you are one of those who think that aging up a character is automatically something bad (without even knowing why it was done in the first place) don’t bother following me because i do think that opinion is quite silly.

『 THE INTERACTIONS』

OC, DUPLICATE, MULTIMUSE AND CANON DIVERGENT FRIENDLY

my tagging system is simple, i tag triggers as "tw; x" and . images that may be sensitive or triggering as "cw; x". you can further see how my tags work by taking a look at my tag dump post, just search ‘tag dump’ on my blog and you will find the most recent one i’m using. i shitpost and talk oocly on the dash constantly but you can easily blacklist my tag if it bothers you. here's something you should know about me: when i'm doing drafts i usually don't feel like chatting much, so please do not spam me because i won't be able to reply, i love to talk with my moots but sometimes it overwhelms me. on that note, please don't pester me for replies ic or ooc, i am slow and chances are that if you try to guilt trip me or just nag me about it i'll leave as the ones i'll get to in the later end on purpose, just out of spite. yes, i be like that. please be patient - i’ll never pressure you and expect the same in return. plotting wise: i prefer to just wing it with just a faint idea of where to take the thread but honestly i'm cool with anything. please be considerate when formatting your replies, i have a bad eyesight & if i can't read it, i won't bother with it. my own formatting is simple and clean. on a smaller note, please bear with me and my muses as my muses ramble a lot but you don't have to match the length, just give me something to work with. if we write together, the chances of me making edits/tagging you in stuff are really big, just lmk if you don’t like that though !

『 THE FLEET』

MOSTLY BI/PAN MUSES, MULTISHIP AND MULTIVERSE, SMUT FRIENDLY

i love shipping but i like my ships to be devices to move the plot/dynamics/muses forward, every once in a while though i partake in some much loved self indulgent shipping. just because i ship a certain pairing don't presume that my characters are approaching yours with second intentions, please. most of the time i like to reblog those relationship memes, so if you’re interested in a ship the best way (other than sending me a message ofc) to let me know is by sending ones. there will be some triggering ships here ( like the lannisters, both cersei x jaime and joanna x tywin are my otps, and potential inter clan ships, like with the hyugas - i mean how the hell you think they keep the byakugan in their family?? ) that may either be played with trusted friends or be mentioned/reblogged sometimes, all properly tagged so you can easily blocklist/avoid it. most of my muses are either bi or pan, those who are not will be specified. don't be afraid to reach out to me for shipping right off the bat - i'd rather have you to be open and honest with me about the interactions you want than lying to me, just know that there will be needed some plotting and threading first to see if your muses match. as an adult, my blog is smut friendly, i partake in sexual sunday a lot because some of my muses are very lewd in nature, you can blacklist my tag if that bothers you as well.

『 THE FINAL NOTES』

GENERAL RP ETIQUETTE APPLIES, CREDITS, THANK YOU FOR READING MY RULES

lastly but not least, general rp etiquette applies on my blog: no godmodding, forced ships, etc. there’s only ONE thing that truly makes me go apeshit crazy, and it’s when people don’t read my rules. i ALWAYS find out and it’s not pretty; i block it like it’s hot, ♪ ♫ ♬ block it like it’s hot ♪ ♫ ♬. i strongly assure you that i always read your rules before both following you and also before sending memes, just in case. on a much smaller note, i’m not so hot on single shipping and i really feel weirded out about people forcing me to pic who i’m going to interact with due to theirs DNI’s. while i get DNI’s when it comes to actual predators, when it’s something seemingly random chances are that i’ll softblock you because it weirds me out how volatile some can be when it comes to a hobby. i have some trigger heavy hcs ( for example, the one about jiraiya’s hypersexuality being rooted in trauma that he suffered at a young age ) that i share with only a few muns that are closer with me, so i’ll be mentioning them every once in a while but won’t share them, please don’t insist. i don’t really like most of the main characters of the franchises i write for, and when it comes to certain characters i reserve the right to decline an rp for my own comfort. for further info on what i use to make my graphics please check my “CREDITS.” tag. most of my stuff is made by me, i’ve got a lowkey rph in case you wanna check it out it’s @brazucahelps, however if you want a custom content i can see if i get a free time to come up with something :D

IF YOU READ THIS FAR, THANK YOU SO MUCH — JUST ONE LAST THING, COULD YOU PLS LIKE THIS SO I KNOW YOU’VE READ IT? <3 THANKS!

#RULES.

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quantumvaudeville · 4 years ago

Audio

Putting too much effort into shitposts again. Which song is for who and justifications under the cut.

Odysseus

Go tell that long tongued liar Go and tell that midnight rider Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Orpheus

Take me to the place where you go Where nobody knows If it's night or day But please don't put your life in the hands Of a rock and roll band Who'll throw it all away

Oedipus

To see you now To hear you now I can look outside myself And I must examine my breath and look inside Because I feel blind

Icarus

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear Here comes the sun do, do, do Here comes the sun And I say it's all right

Achilles

I don't know how long this feeling will last Maybe it's only tonight Darling I don't know why I go to extremes Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens And if I stand or I fall It's all or nothing at all

Cassandra

That's me in the corner That's me in the spot-light Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no I've said too much I haven't said enough

Narcissus (and Echo)

It's all false love and affection You don't want me You just like the attention Yes, it's all false love and affection You don't like me You just want the attention

Jason (and Medea)

Earl had to die, goodbye Earl We need a break, let's go out to the lake, Earl We'll pack a lunch, and stuff you in the trunk, Earl Is that alright? Good! Let's go for a ride, Earl, hey!

Tantalus

Tempted by the fruit of another Tempted but the truth is discovered What's been going on Now that you have gone There's no other

Pheidippides

And I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0j6KPdfnssoG2Iza6T94M4?si=p5fWnbBLT2GlIbhkjrA6xg)

#greek mythology #shitpost #posting not-art on the artblog again

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imdoingthismspaintadventure · 5 years ago

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In which it keeps happening

Dave: Go online and view sites indicative of your interests.

Oh this should be good.

Oh no more content related to Gamebro and their unholy ilk.

“Grand Snack Fuckyeah”...GTA....I love that it’s not even trying to make a clever pun. You know those “there was an attempt” stickers? This isn’t even an attempt.

Also is that review written by Dave? I want to learn how to write like Dave. That Moses comparison gave me life and took it away at the same time.

“Will popular beverages play a role? And how critical will they be in your quest to attain absolute sweetness?” I HATE that Death Stranding has made that actually not a joke. Just....God fucking dammit. DS is great by the way. ....I just realized Dave Strider and Death Stranding share the same innitials when I typed that. Why does it all fit? This is a weird ass tangent.

Seems every kid has their own browser after all.

You open the HEPHAESTUS web browser and direct it to your ironically maintained blog where you post monthly satirical reviews of GAMEBRO MAGAZINE. Your latest post is a review of the MARCH ISSUE. You've been meaning to write a review for the latest issue too, but you've been sort of dogging it. Something about the game they're reviewing just doesn't strike you as ripe for satirical purposes.

Don’t be a coward Dave! A true artist doesn’t blame his tools! You can make the greatest shitpost ever, I believe in you.

Excuse me what in the fuck

In a new tab you open another one of your sites, a webcomic ironically maintained through a satirical cipher vaguely similar to that of your blog. It's called SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF. You have legions of devoted fans, most of whom are totally convinced of your creative persona's sincerity. Which is just how you like it.

...

Is that a real site?

Oh god it’s real

Oh god what the fuck is this

This....This actually takes effort to do. Like, the fucking title is a low res looking JPEG piece of fucking shit, but it’s a finely curated piece of fucking shit.

I just touched one of the buttons and it changed page.

it changed page.

there are more pages.

what

is this another comic entirely??

What...What do I do with this??

Do I liveblog it?? IS this still homestuck?? What is going on????

Okay I asked what the fuck this was, and all you guys answered me with was cryptic warnings and hushed expectations for my suffering and/or ascension. Like this was some sort of cursed chthonian text that would kill my sense of sanity.

Seems about right.

I don’t know why it posted two times I think I might have clicked it twice.

I’m not fixing my mistake cause I think it goes perfectly well with the spirit of the work.

Speaking of the work.

Nani the fuck

So one of these two duders is going to play some games of the video....and he encounter stairs....and he falls down said escaleras.....over and over again....in an endlessly recurring loop........while the other guy just fucking LMAOs at him saying “I told you about the fucking stairs, dumbfuck!” and he keeps falling...and falling...and falling...

Also I have heard “It keeps happening” before as an internet phrase. I’ve used it before What the fuck, it came from here?? From this.... thing??

This....

This is so perfectly and intentionally shitty, the whole comic is way too far to the left even. There’s a huge empty space on the right side.

Is the font fucking comic sans??

OH MY GOD THERE ARE 46 OF THESE.

You know those things that make you go “there isn’t a god”??

THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

This is proof for the existence of a god.

A talented and artful god

who fucking hates you

I’m gonna move on with the actual comic and you guys tell me if I should continue with this thing and when.

I’ll just leave you with this

Dave: Check the latest page of the Midnight Crew.

OH EXCUSE ME FUCKING WHAT

OH WELL SURE LET’S FUCKING GO LET’S JUST OPEN MSPAINTADVENTURES INSIDE THE COMIC ITSELF

IS THE MIDNIGHT CREW THE IN-UNIVERSE VERSION OF THE PROBLEM SLEUTH CAST?? IS THIS WHAT PS IS INSIDE THE COMIC??

You figure as long as you're chilling at your computer you might as well see how that new MSPA story is going. You haven't looked at it in a while.

How meta can we go in this comic?

We’re already way to fucking deep and I don’t know how to swim.

Let’s go back to the shallow end of the pool please.

Midnight Crew.

Oh so we’re actually doing this. Oh.

What is this liveblog session?

Why is there a sword stabbing that map?

"You are members of a sinister gang called the Midnight Crew. Your nefarious plots are serpentine in complexity. Your schemes, convoluted. You are planning a heist in your underground hideout. What will you do?"

I just checked and this is a pararell to “Compensation, adequate” oh my god

It really is Parallel Problem Sleuth

Use Occam's Razor on plans and schemes.

OH MY GOD AN ACTUAL INVENTORY

BUT IT’S REVERSED.

THERE ARE 5 WEAPONS AND ONE ITEM THIS TIME

AND THE WEAPONS ARE ALL HAND-TO-HAND INSTEAD OF GUNS.

Also Occam’s Razor is fucking brilliant name for a Scalpel/Knife.

The right solution to a problem is usually the simplest one.

"Spades Slick uses OCCAM'S RAZOR to carve a circular hole into the HEIST PLANS, freeing it from the knife. You wonder what moron would jam the knife so hard into the table in the first place."

Probably one of you.

Probably all of you.

I know how everyone in these comics is.

SS: Climb ladder and exit hideout. Implement nefarious plots

Oh my god no

They are stuck in their hideouts aren’t they?

I can just feel his anger at this unbelievable bullshit

"You push against the MANHOLE COVER, but it seems some unbelievable jackass has parked your GETAWAY VAN on top of it. A familiar feeling stirs. That feeling is overwhelming, soul-blackening rage. It's the sort of rage that'll make a man feel totally justified in sporting an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades."

Spades Slick seems like a hair away from murdering everyone else in that room. And somehow he’s the most relatable one in there.

Dave: Skip ahead a hundred pages or so.

Wait, that’s illegal

What is going on.

Why is everyone beating the shit out of each other?

Why is there a blender in there?

What is that antler thing and why is it coming out from a door?

Who is that guy on that picture?

You don't remember where you last left off, so you jump way ahead. You always forget to save your place in the story. It looks like tempers have become short in this pressure cooker already. You speculate that the tipping point may have been an ill-advised motion for a game of 52 PICKUP.

Jumping ahead in these comics looks like a fine way to get really confused.

Dave: Save your place, read it later.

Hey now that’s familiar

Even though the adventure began recently, it's already over 3000 pages long. You just don't have time for this bullshit. You'll catch up later. Besides, it looks like someone's pestering you. You're pretty sure you know who it is.

How long is homestuck by the way? I know it’s ungodly long but I just want to know the full extent of my road ahead on this foolish endeavor.

Also imma leave it here for today as I try to figure out what the fuck this was

#homestuck liveblog #homestuck #act 2 #mspaintadventures #dave strider #Sweet bro and hella jeff #midnight crew #what #mspaintadventures liveblog

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tricktster · 5 years ago

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Disclaimer: For new followers who only know me from my recent Great Tumblr Posts, please let it be known that I am not just a fantastic shitposter but also, and I know this ridiculous, the author of the number one Ao3 undertale fic (which is a sans/reader fic) and furthermore, technically, a salesman of fine branded apparel based upon my own intellectual property that I developed FOR the number one Ao3 undertale fic (which is a sans/reader fic)

okay.

Author Interview

tagged by @kastlecastles

name: tricktster on tumblr, totalskeltetontrash on ao3

fandoms: I gotta tell you, for the author of the #1 Undertale fanfiction of all time [by certain metrics], I’m not great at being a participatory part of any fandom.

where you post: ao3 and tumblr

most popular oneshot: Probably “In Which Capra Gets Some Bad News,” if by “popular” you mean “people get the most upset with me about it”

most popular multi-chapter fic; favorite story you’ve written; fic you were nervous to post: Since I have taken an utterly bizarre route of basically only writing one fic consisting of two books (and quite a few spinoff one-shots), the answer for all of these has to be Chill or Be Chilled. In particular book 2 of CoBC.

how you choose your titles:

I chose Chill or Be Chilled basically on account of laziness, because I had a really antagonistic mentality towards writing a fanfic at the beginning of creating what would end up being a 2 book, 176 chapter, 480,000 word work. It was a super low effort thought process, along the lines of “hahahha wtf dude i’m actually writing an undertale fanfic for some reason and these idiots are gonna have to read it, okay, what’s a line from undertale that I can make a halfhearted attempt to reference, kill or be killed, ok, got it, publish.” Joke’s on me, though, that’s a STUPID name that we all have to live with now.

I spent a lot more time on chapter titles, because I could actually accomplish something with those. I wanted to establish a chapter titling convention from the beginning, and I’ve always been fond of old fashioned chapter title stylings (I.e. “in which” or “wherein”) combined with either “something that happened in the chapter that is not actually important” or “an actual lie about what happens in the chapter.” What I liked so much about that method, in particular, is the dramatic effect that straying from the convention could cause. I mean, look at these:

When I published 146, which is a weird and spooky chapter (and a definite break from a lot of the other stylistic conventions that are well established in CoBC by chapter 146), I wanted readers to feel on-edge/wondering if this was the beginning of the endgame/searching for hints or double-meanings throughout the chapter. I just checked out the comments on that chapter and screengrabbed a handful of the reactions, which are all kind of along the same lines:

As a rule, end of book/endgame chapters also got titles that were outside the normal conventions. Book 2 was fun, because there’s a miniboss and a larger boss, and I didn’t want to tip anyone off as I was publishing the miniboss chapters that a bigger fight was coming. So for BBEG1, I used thematically appropriate font names as titles, which were genuinely fun to try to find. BBEG2 represented the actual end of a lot of work and a story I’d really grown to care about, so I played it straight and used titles from the undertale OST.

do you outline: I started out refusing to outline, because that would mean that I actually cared about what I was writing, and if I cared, that meant I couldn’t stay ironically detached from the whole thing.

But then I gave up on being cool and instead I decided to write a time travel plot that required me to set some things up 70+ chapters before I’d write the chapter that would reveal their significance ... so yeah, I broke down and finally outlined.

I think an outline is generally a pretty good idea, with the caveat that it’s fine to keep it as bare bones as possible. You can always add to it, but I find that the more I focus on making sure my outline is immaculate, the less I’m able to pivot on the fly when I stumble upon a smarter or more fun way to introduce a plot point.

complete: CoBC is complete, but it’s marked incomplete because, you know, bonus chapters

in progress: There’s a bonus chapter for CoBC that’s half-drafted in a Google doc somewhere. I haven’t touched it in a while, but when it comes out, I think people will be into it, insofar as they like and want to know more about Cody (who is a pretty fun OC, honestly)

coming soon/not yet started: Any part of my original work, High Fantasy, that takes us out of Farhold, and into the greater world at large. Farhold is finally starting to feel fleshed out in my own mind, so bringing an entire continent to life around it is DAUNTING

do you accept prompts: Uhhhhh you can certainly try I guess

upcoming story you are most excited to write: High Fantasy is so fun to write, and I love imagining that distant date where it’ll be finished

tagging (no pressure!): @mod2amaryllis, @kaytemchugh, @wrexie, @thaylepo, @dismyblog. @misssugarpinkshome, @trucbiduleschouettes

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gildalilli · 5 years ago

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Fics That Are Good Part 2

The last post got notes so here are more fics I like, once again sorted into random categories because in this house we honor Aziraphale’s wishes. This one has a bunch of feel-good reads with a sprinkling of A+ smut fics at the end. My Other Recs So Far: Fics That Are Good Part 1: Humour and Fluff

Smiled The Whole Way Through Reading These

Just feel good fics for any occasion. Great pick-me-ups for when you’re down and just a good time when you’re not.

One Night In Bangor - 17381 Words by Atalan / @seaskystone Rated E - Humor and Smut Heaven and Hell put aside their differences for one occasion and one occasion only: the millennial office mixer party. Hell, however, has decided to raise the stakes on this particular one as the demons have a bet going, unbeknownst to Heaven: whoever can successfully seduce an angel wins the jackpot. Crowley gets to work. (much to Aziraphale’s amused exasperation; we all know who the bastard is in this relationship and who will end up seducing whom.)

please just read this one it’s my fave

When You Take My Name - 2307 Words by @asideofourown Rated G - Humour and Fluff This one is good because I inspired it LOL Based on my shitpost about Zira naming himself Anthony Zanthony Fell and being too awkward to inform Crowley they both have the same first name in the church scene. The truth comes out when they’re signing marriage papers, ft a bemused registrar who is trying to work out what the heaven is going on that these fiances don’t even know each others’ names.

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) - 1838 Words by Arkhamcycle Rated G - Humour, Outsider’s Perspective, Pseudo non-fiction “London’s antique enthusiasts and rare lit nerds alike know that if you’re looking for a specific vintage or antique book, you have a good chance of ending up in A.Z. Fell & Co. as a last resort. And if you’ve ever been in (or are currently in) this predicament, you know how much of an absolute nightmare it is trying to even get in the door. Luckily, this handy guide, the fruit of a months-long collaborative effort to create the perfect formula for gaming the A.Z. Fell system, will tell you everything you need to know, complete with a comprehensive breakdown of what, exactly, the opening hours are. Compiled by pageknight and inky of the Rare Antique Forums. “

After you have read that one, you’re ready for

Aziraphale Gets A Smartphone 5k words by quandtuniverse Rated G - Fluff which takes place in the same universe; Zira discovers this review online after he gets an iPhone and deals with the mortifying ordeal of being known. This fic is a WIP and the author hasn’t updated in 6 months. I did comment a while ago and they said they intended to finish it off. What they have posted is fab, though so don’t let it put you off.

Lose the Gut 2336 words by anime_aesthetic Rated Teen - Human AU Out of shape Aziraphale meets hot gym instructor Crowley at a Zumba class after being secretly set up by Gabriel.

I Have Read Every Occult/Summoning Fic On Ao3.

I absolutely live for any fic that involves humans dabbling in the occult and the husbands having to deal with this mess. PLEASE if you think you have one I mightn’t have encountered (ie it isn’t specifically tagged with ‘summoning’) send me a message.

How To Get Smote 101 2713 words by ineffablemercury / @saunteringadversaries Rated T - Outsider POV Two supernatural bounty hunters summon and capture Aziraphale. Crowley to the rescue. This one has fantastic antagonist OCs who are wonderful to read in that love-to-hate-them kind of way.

Big Sexy

Smut lovers your prayers are answered. I like my smut with lots of love and feelings because I’m a romantic sap. It’s about the TENDERNESS amongst the ravishing.

Anything for Science 20k words by Magnolia822 Rated E - Smut and low/mild angst, (Bc Crowley is freaking tf out abt his feelings the whole time), Getting Together Fic Aziraphale decides he wants to Make An Effort, watches a shit ton of porn to research his preferences. Asks for Crowley’s help on figuring out his way around aforementioned Efforts, and how can Anthony J. “Acts Of Service” Crowley refuse? In which Aziraphale constructs intricate rituals that allow him to touch the skin of other immortals.

Released 9353 words by vaguely_concerned Rated E - Smut and Fluff, No Plot, Dubious Consent Fantasy* The boys roleplay the Bastille scene except sexier. *D/S overtones where C is the wIcKeD dEmOn making a bargain to get zira out of those chains. Zira wants to roleplay being tempted into it and play with the whole ‘oh I really shouldnt bc i’m an angel i can’t believe you would despoil me foul fiend. Oh but I guess i have no choice but to have the time of my life being ravished.’ All part of the fantasy, fic includes their discussion of boundaries, no assault involved.

Love Like The Dawn 3755 words by leaveanote / @letmetemptyou Rated E - Fluff And Smut, No Plot. Morning sex! Plain and simple. This is so sweet and tender.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #fic recs #crowley #aziraphale

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jay-works · 2 years ago

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1. Discussion.

This is not a full sentence. Please watch for fragments. -1

1/2

2. This question can be answered twice- it is a reflection of the medium the work was transcribed on, and could also be a stylistic choice by the author. Our group looked into the author's previous works, and this lack of capitalization is present in nearly all of their work, save for pieces that express excitement, when the author chooses to write fully in capital letters. Our group inferred that the author's medium of writing does not automatically capitalize as others do, but that the author also treats capitalizing things as a stylistic choice in specific circumstances. It is a choice by which the author's default answer is 'no', which implies that the writing is casual or informal. While one of my group members speculated that a lack of capitalization could indicate a low sense of self worth on the author's part (my group member saying that the author does not take their work or themselves seriously), the consistent lack of capitalization does not see the author putting capitals on anything they would otherwise take seriously or respect.

2/2

3. If the author had not chosen to include the questions format at the end of their work, it's possible that the experience the author describes could be lost on the audience. In addition, including the questions allows for the post to have more impact, as the reader re-experiences (or experiences for the first time) what it's like to consider a piece of writing in a more thoughtful light. For example, a reader may choose to annotate the copy of this work by replying to the questions presented, thus ensuring the experience that the author wanted to share is not only remembered, but also re-experienced by those who choose to take a shitpost too sincerely, thus ensuring that the author's work is experienced the way the author intended.

2/2

If you had given the first question more thought, this would have been 100%. Your work is worth your full effort. Looking forward to our next classroom discussion.

5/6

you know those little critical thinking questions that they had at the end of short stories in literature textbooks? we should start putting those in posts. i miss them,,,,,,

questions:

what call to action is the author arguing for?

why does this work lack capitalization? what might this tell you about the author? what might this tell you about the context this work is meant to be read in?

is the addition of the questions self referential? does that make this post humorous? how so? how would the post be different without the addition of the questions?

#hee hee hoo hoo thank you OP this was silly and fun

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littlemulattokitten · 6 years ago

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Dating App Conundrums

Alright so I’ve been planning to do this for a while, and may make a thing out of it just to chronicle the adventure from single to hopefully not, but who knows.

Basically I decided to research a few dating apps and try them out, since I’m the type of person who’s content to stay home, but also only likes going out with a friend or small group (not alone) - therefore my chances of meeting people are probably in the negatives without dating services like the ones I’m currently on.

This post will probably end up being both a review of some of these apps as well as a master shitpost detailing the adventures of a straight female attempting to find a straight male to date online. And I know Tumblr well enough that at least half the people who read this will have yet another reason to be proud of their not straight orientation. Because good fucking lord the nonsense I’ve seen.

Storytime begins below the cut. This isn’t going to be short. That’s your warning. It will probably be funny at some points though. It’s funny to live it, at least. And I may break it into parts, Idk yet.

Let’s get a few things out of the way first.

Until this experiment, I’d never used dating apps ever. I knew of them. Hated them on principle (dislike them even more now, but we’ll get into that later) and wanted nothing to do with them. I knew a few people who were happily married to a Match.com or OKCupid match but aside from that – I’d never even downloaded Tinder like everyone else I knew in HS and college.

I haven’t actually dated anyone since my first semester of college. On purpose. I broke off my engagement to my elementary school sweetheart (thankfully we are still good friends and our friendship recovered from that near disaster) and I just wanted to focus on myself for a while.

The small handful of relationships I have had that lasted longer than 6 months taught me a lot about what I want in my ideal mate. The one or two less-than-6-months-barely-relationships I had in high school taught me A LOT about what I will never put up with from people.

My “type” isn’t reflective of my dating history. I’ve gotten to the point with these apps where I’m combining their shallow-indorsing metrics with my own personal preferences. Basically going through an aesthetic checklist then scanning through their profile to see if the actual person is equally pretty.

Spoiler, I have to swipe left A LOT.

I’m a very particular person. I’m very introverted and I hate when someone makes conversation harder than it has to be. I can hold a conversation. I just refuse to be the only one putting effort into it. (This makes more sense later)

I’m beyond fed up with dating app culture but my perfect or close enough to perfect guy has gotta exist so most of my accounts will remain I fucking guess.

I’m not necessarily looking for Mr. Forever. I’ll gladly keep him if I find him, but I’m also not looking for a relationship that I know will be temporary. I don’t do things by halves. I want something solid, whether it lasts forever or not depends on a lot of things.

I CAN’T EMOTIONALLY MULTITASK. I can really only give one person my full interest and attention at a time, which doesn’t bode well for these apps bc you gotta be able to bounce form one to the next no matter how excited you were about someone. These apps fucking suck.

Okay. Now let’s begin properly.

I started with Bumble. Yes. I know. Introverted female starting on a dating app that requires her to make the first move. That can’t go badly right.

I damn near have a panic attack every time I get a match I stg. Anyway.

I was skeptical at first. I’m not huge on people knowing a lot about me from the outset (or I wasn’t - i give so much less of a fuck now bc it makes almost no difference on these things) so my profile was pretty threadbare and cold. Now, a few weeks later, my profile is an efficient snapshot with a splash of Slytherin “Don’t fucking test me.”

Did I mention I’m an INTJ Scorpio? Yeah my entire approach is gonna scream that and my Hogwarts house, just you wait.

Round 1 ~ Bumble 🐝🍯

Okay so Bumble is interesting. For those who don’t know, it’s basically Beehive-Themed Tinder except for heterosexual couples, the lady has to initiate conversation. (Either party in a same sex match can message first) She has 24 hours from the point where her and a fella have “matched” to do so, then he has 24 hours to respond and seal the match – ending the time limits.

Bumble also gives you a rough estimate of how far away someone is sometimes. I’ve read articles about how bumble’s location estimate feature has ruined relationships forged through bumble and generally turned women into paranoid psychos over matches. Can. Fucking. Confirm. It’s the most annoying thing ever. Why?

Android vs Apple. That’s literally why.

The way Bumble’s location service is supposed to work is that everytime you open the app, it updates your location based on your phone or computer’s location. As far as I can tell, that’s exactly how it works on my android phone.

Apple users. Y’all are a problem. Not because I give a shit about your iPhone, I don’t give a shit do you ffs, but IOS location permissions can allow apps to update your location without the app being open.

Reread that for me.

Without. The app. Being. Open.

Which basically means if you match checks your profile, they can tell whether you’re where you were when they swiped right (say, 26 miles away) versus, oh idfk, a whole state or two away.

Real specific example I know. Why? Because I ended up unmatching a guy I REALLY wanted to get to know better because of it.

Though, to be fair, guys are really lax about how they behave on these apps in my opinion, which is a bigger problem than the stupid IOS setting.

Allow me to explain.

Dating App Etiquette

It barely exists, but it should. Here’s the thing. On these apps, you basically swipe right on a pretty face and left on one you’re not interested in waking up to in the morning or sitting on. I’m only being half funny here. I’m convinced people use dating apps more for hookups than their intended purpose. Which, whatever, but for fuck’s sake make BumbleHookup. There’s BumbleDating, DumbleFriends, and BumbleNetwork or whatever. Just make BumbleDTF so we can filter these people out already.

BACK TO THE SINFULLY ATTRACTIVE AND INTERESTING DUDE I UNMATCHED

I’m still kinda peeved about this. In part at myself, but also just in general.

Most people seem to treat Bumble like Tinder. They don’t fill out their profile hardly at all. Have less than 3 pictures, have pictures that make it unclear who’s profile it is, or – my least favorite thing that is almost 100% regional – THEY REALLY FUCKING THINK A PICTURE OF THEM IN SUNGLASSES HOLDING A FUCKING FISH THEY JUST CAUGHT IS ATTRACTIVE. IT IS NOT. THAT’S NOT WHAT THE PICTURES ARE FOR. JUST SAY YOU LIKE TO FISH IN YOUR FUCKING PROFILE BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT ONE MORE MOTHER FUCKING FISH-

I’ve seen a lot of fish in the last few weeks. Like. So many that I’m basically auto swiping left if someone’s profile has less than 4 pictures and one or more contains a stupid fucking fish.

LOOK AT MY FUCKING USERNAME. LITTLEMULATTOKITTEN. IF A SELF-IDENTIFYING CAT TRAPPED IN A HUMANS BODY SAYS THERE’S TOO MANY FUCKING FISH – THERE ARE TOO MANY MOTHER FUCKING FISH.

I can guarantee this won’t be my last fish rant. You don’t understand how many fucking fish I’ve seen.

BUT THIS GUY DIDN’T HAVE ANY FISH IN HIS PROFILE.

So he already had my fucking attention. He was also startlingly handsome – not in a oh you exist off puss and nothing else there’s no other way someone as pretty as you with a penis could exist – but like “Oh. I’d…really like to look at that forever and sit on it if you’ll let me please.”

NOT ONLY DID I FIND HIM THAT ATTRACTIVE BUT HE SWIPED RIGHT ON ME TOO AND READ ENOUGH OF MY PROFILE TO ASK ME A QUESTION FROM THE LOWER HALF OF IT.

I was freaking the fuck out excited.

And frankly the odds of him seeing this are so fucking low that I’ll go ahead and tell you some specifics about the short convo we had, but nothing that could lead anyone back to him obviously.

He’d lived in my home state. First thing he asked was which city I was from. Then he guessed, claiming that guess was based off a beanie I was wearing in my second to last (I think) image available on my profile.

He’d lived in my home CITY. Which means he was familiar with the CULTURE. And would probably GET ME MORE THAN MOST GUYS IN MY AREA.

He worked in an industry/field I knew about and had almost gone into myself.

He was so fucking attractive. I have yet to come across someone who checked ever preliminary shallow box on my want list.

Biceps. Listen. We’re all a little shallow. Biceps do to me what ass and tiddy do to some guys. It’s one of the few really fucking strong visual things I have, followed by dark hair and blue eyes. But he was something of a gym rat, for sure, and I’d gladly torture myself at the gym if that man was going to be in my line of sight at all during the process.

Seriously. I’ve never seen someone who didn’t look like they had to be famous or an alien that made me go “He’s so pretty I want to cry.” EVER. I WANT TO CRY THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT MATCHED ANYMORE.

And last but not least – like almost every fucking match I’ve ever made, I could count his replies on one hand before he went radio silent.

So, how does this relate to that location issue, you may ask.

Because I didn’t fucking know that Bumble could update your location on some devices without you opening the app.

There’s no online/activity indicator for Bumble except their location updating. Which, when you’re really excited to get to know someone and they suddenly vanish, but they’re more likely than not still online, you might start to feel like you’ve been put on hold.

Life stuff, yes, makes sense, I get it. But these apps have push notifications (which can be buggy) and if you’ve matched with someone, odds are you’re interested enough to check back on occasion (unless you aren’t). So it quickly became a worry game.

Because, like I said, I can’t just say “I’m excited about you, but I’ll keep browsing”. I don’t work that way. Unless I’m not excited about someone, then yeah I’ll keep scatter-shotting. But if I’m not excited to get to know someone why the fuck would I swipe right.

Anyway. After a few days of silence, I was disappointed and getting bitter and the few proverbial bones I’d thrown him had gone unanswered. I knew I was overthinking it and letting my own insecurities get to me a bit, but at the end of the day, there’s a few general courtesies that should exist in online dating culture that don’t.

Why people are afraid or hesitant to say they’re too busy to respond much in their profiles is beyond me. Some guys have the right idea announcing that they’re bad at checking the app and offering their snapchat or telling matches to ask for it.

But even if you’re testing the waters with another match, we’re all on this app for the same fucking reason. Say so. I’m not the kind of person who will need to, because I don’t operate that way on these apps, but I would. Because if that person is really bothered by you finding out if you’re more compatible with someone you matched with prior to them, that tells you something about them.

Would I have been disappointed if that had been the case with this guy? Yeah, kinda. I probably would have felt like his second choice at best, even if he’d come back to chatting with me. But that’s how these fucking apps are designed. Buckle up or unmatch. Fuck your emotions and self-esteem.

I unmatched for my sanity, because that happened a few days into this whole experiment and I wasn’t on any other sites yet. I wasn’t really prepared to deal with this whole thing yet and I didn’t know what to expect. I felt like shit and decided that if he showed up in my feed again, maybe I’d super swipe him (paid extra special right swipe that tells them you REALLY like their face and whatever) but I still don’t know what I’ll do if he does.

Lowkey hoping it was all a misunderstanding and whatever but like, not at all holding out for that because what are the fucking odds.

And again, my disappointment stems mostly from the fact that I was really excited to get to know him. The idea of finding someone on this stupid app in less than a week who wasn’t forcing his fish pictures in my face, would absolutely be the type of person to encourage my own wellness goals, and who was obviously smart because of his career path, was such an exciting thought. If we’d hit it off and gotten along really well, I’d have been so many levels of shocked and overwhelmingly happy that I just don’t know what I’d do.

When someone who looks like they’re 100% your type actually reads your profile and swipes right – you get excited. I was really excited. I’m still a little sad/disappointed, but I’m basically over it.

Other Misc. Things I’ve Learned On Bumble and other Dating Apps As a Relationship Seeking User

Take every profile with a grain of salt unless it’s so blatantly straightforward. And then still toss a pinch in.

The pretty pretty pretty buff boys who look like their players but their profiles claim they want a relationship? Odds are still players. They will try to convince you there’s 10 inches in their pants. They clearly aren’t smart enough to know that’s biologically uncomfortable for females and the best way to end up in the emergency room with a ruined cervix so don’t even swipe right. They’ll just ask for nudes.

People who use dating sites have some odd, hive mind fixation with The Office.

“Jim looking for his Pam” is in most profiles. I’m not sure why. References to The Office or mentions of The Office are about as common as all the stupid fucking fish.

I live in the wrong part of the country to find guys I’m actually going to share interests with. Just wait until I tell you about my experience so far on OK Cupid. I literally won’t find anyone where I live unless they’re from somewhere culturally similar to where I was born and are willing to move back with me. Because I am not fucking staying in the land of the god damn fish forever.

Most people don’t look at religion and politics like I do. Which is “You do you, I’ll do me, we won’t talk about it and we can peacefully do each other.” I don’t fucking care if your politics contradict mine if that’s the only thing we have not in common. Just make it a blacklisted subject and don’t let one frankly insignificant difference of opinion ruin an entire relationship or potential relationship. And same with religion. I’m not even a little religious. I don’t care if my future husband is unless it’s in my face constantly, he tries to “convert me”, get me to go to church with him, or some other blatant disrespect of my own religious standing. You worship whatever you want. I’ll right fanfiction about magic demon princes fucking their human-born demon queen every which way to Sunday. If religion is that big of a fucking deal for you, be upfront about it. Most people are in their bios. Either way, I’m really fucking sick of people who put too much weight into these two things like they actually decide how compatible you are with someone unless you let them.

I fucking hate fish.

Dating apps need more filters and ways to narrow down searches. 90% of the filters already present are shallow as all hell. What’s a few more.

Primarily let me filter out a few NAMES. This sounds super picky, but I have a really big family. 7 uncles. Over 20 cousins including the few cousins of mine who have kids. There’s a few names that would just be weird and awkward for me to associate with a significant other. If I could filter out my stepdad’s first name (which is disgustingly common but still), my biological father’s name, and a few of my uncle’s names, that’d be fucking swell. You already let me filter by religion and race. Let me filter out some fucking names damnit.

And there have to be people who have traumatic associations with names too like?????

The Office is a funny, good show and all but WHY IS EVERYONE ON THESE APPS FUCKING OBSESSED WITH IT THE WAY I’M OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER. I’VE SEEN IT. IT’S NOT **THAT** FUCKING FUNNY. SOMEONE EXPLAIN.

YOU HOLDING A DEAD FISH ISN’T FUCKING ATTRACTIVE SIR. THIS ISN’T THE SHAPE OF WATER. SHOW ME YOUR FACE NOT YOUR FISH.

The dating apps that are probably actually worth using all require a paid subscription.

There’s no real way to advertise that you find sex and physical intimacy very important in a relationship without making yourself sound like a cock-thirsty whore. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, you do you, but I’m looking for someone to be a slut FOR, I’m not one already and I dislike not being able to be upfront about that without being profiled or attracting fuckboys.

WHY CAN I NOT FILTER OUT PROFILES THAT CONTAIN IMAGES OF FISH

STOP WITH THE FUCKING FISH COUNTRY BOYS. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND OR SOMEONE TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR TACKLEBOX? AND DON’T TELL ME THAT’S THE SAME THING, MY FAMILY IS COUNTRY. IT AIN’T THE SAME FUCKING THING. ALL THAT FISH TELLS ME IS THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING.

Judging by the few fish-fucks with their profiles filled out at all – they’re compensating for personality.

With how shallow the filters on these sites are, just go ahead and fucking add eye color, hair, etc. Seriously. If you’re gonna let me be shallow enough to only pick men of a certain ethnicity, and religion, you may as fucking well let me see if I can find a guy with blue eyes, biceps, dark hair, non religious, who doesn’t want kids without reading every fucking profile I come across.

There are way more guys on these sites who want or think they want children some day. This baffles me. But then again my primary reason for not wanting children is pregnancy and giving birth which wouldn’t be their problem so of course they want them.

I just need to auto left-swipe if I see a fish. These apps are shallow anyway. Do not make a fucking fishing joke just because I said shallow.

OK Cupid has a better matching system than Bumble and such, but it’s still irritating as all hell. You can’t choose question categories that are more important. So if I see a 91% match, but he has no sex questions filled out or our sexual compatibility is like…50%...that’s not REALLY a 91% match for me. Let me mark 2 or 3 question categories as priority for fucks sake.

The bulk of guys on these apps fall into 2 categories (for me anyway) – Not enough giveadamn to explain their presence on the site & thank u, next.

Online dating is disappointing as fuck.

I’m seriously going to lose my mind if I can’t get away from the fucking fish pictures. ENOUGH. I GET IT. I NEED TO MOVE.

Seriously – I. Need. To. Move. Back. Home. I am not meant for this part of the country. These good ole boys are meant for someone but it ain’t me and my family is fucking country. I’ve been fishing, ridden 4-wheelers, made shit out of wood for shits and giggles, helped my grandparents in the garden, eaten deer my grandfather or uncles hunted and prepared, helped chop wood, ridden in the bed of a truck, etc etc etc. But ya bitch has lifestyle goals that only include mud at scheduled times. We can go camping, but we should also go out to dinner sometimes and go clubbing or dancing other times.

I was not born with this ass to settle for a man who looks like an angel and acts like one too. Why is no one non-ironically blunt about their sexual preferences? You cannot convince me that the majority of men lack strong opinions on this subject. SERIOUSLY. IT IS 2019 NOT 1619. God DAMNIT. You’re on a DATING SITE. THAT’S AN ASPECT OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT CAN MAKE OR BREAK THEM. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD.

It’s not even actually about sharing every interest. I don’t give a shit if he doesn’t like Harry Potter much. If he’s annoyed by the level I like it, yeah that’s an issue. Otherwise, be supportive and kind about that kinda shit. That’s all I’m asking for. That’s how I am in return.

I make shit with yarn, write off the wall fanfiction, have a lot of sexual interests I don’t usually broadcast, and don’t understand how dating sites are still this ineffective in 2019.

This is super long already so I’m gonna save the other apps for a separate installment if this one is enjoyed or whatever. Jesus. These apps, guys.

Apps I still need to talk about that probably won’t require this many words each – Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid (OkC might need a few thousand words).

I’ll probably look into some other niche dating sites too because at this point, what the fuck ever - I just wanna meet someone back home or willing to move back home with me who fits some reasonable criteria parameters. And I’m not even as picky as half the profiles I’ve seen, lemme tell ya. I’m just fucking opinionated. And beyond sick of this experiment already.

Sigh.

If I ever see a fish again it’ll be too soon. Bet the first profile picture on my bumble dash later will be another fucking fish though.

Those who expressed interest: @accio-echo | @infallibleangel | @aconitumluparia and those who liked are my followers so you’ll see it. This post is so long my browser is bugging out with tags or I’d tag you all too.

#kyla bitches about things #dating apps #the dating app experiment #Bumble #things dating app articles won't warn you about #dating app conundrums

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zanrai-kid · 6 years ago

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I have no legitimate sleep schedule, so take my list of my Top 20 favorite Gorillaz tracks

20: Momentz - In the same league as Feel Good Inc., don't at me.

19: Stylo - Mos Def and Bobby Womack absolutely devastating on the bridges. Hearing Jeremih perform this live was gorgeous.

18: Humility - Gorillaz made a summer jam, and it sure sounds like it. Damon's getting old, man. Just wants to retire, wants to have a few beers by the beach.

17: Sleeping Powder - iwasgone I M B A C K ASDKJHAJSDHGSKDJHFGKJHASGLDKJAGSD

16: Feel Good Inc. - A legendary song in my formative years, and a soundtrack to the Bush administration as important as “American Idiot”. Only so low on the list because of oversaturation.

15: Rhinestone Eyes - This song is the embellished production of Plastic Beach in a moment. I once made a mashup with this song and "Kangaroo Court" by Capital Cities.

14: Re-Hash - First song on the first album, and it slaps.

13: Ascension - Vince Staples is such a brilliant voice in the latter half of the decade, and I'm pleased to see Damon Albarn recognize this.

12: DARE - Hot damn, this song is a jam.

11: M1 A1 - Hearing this song kick off a Gorillaz concert feels like getting shot by a cannon. It's the "most like the sound the pilliows exuded on the FLCL soundtrack" song in the Gorillaz discography, and for that, I like it.

10: Fire Coming Out Of The Monkey's Head - When Gorillaz want to tell a horror story, they double down and get Dennis Hopper to tell a story of apocalypse. Demon Days is such an immortal album, and this song will live on as a ubiquitous reminder of one's mortality at the hands of greed. Good one for the pessimistic crowds of both 2005 and 2019.

9: Rock the House - BETTER THAN CLINT EASTWOOD. FIGHT ME. When Gorillaz sample audio, they make sure to make the most of it. The ten second sample of John Dankworth's "Modesty Blaise" carries Del the Funky Homosapien's bragging boogie rap through to another level with the tight bass riffs the self-titled album is known for. Echo effects, horn stabs, a fucking recorder. This tracks fucks me up.

8: Souk Eye - I think a track off of The Now Now is one of the best works in the Gorillaz discography. Primarily because following Humanz and The Now Now, Albarn and Hewlett are in a strange time of their lives. Both are now 50 years old, and Gorillaz has lasted 20 years. The concept has run its course for now. To hear this song close this chapter of the Gorillaz story feels fitting. A love song to the many miles taken, only to realize one must leave their current circumstances in order to survive.

7: Last Living Souls - It's a cliche to say a song builds, but when the track starts with little more than a drum machine, and leads to an acoustic breakdown and string section breakdown back-to-back, you can agree this song builds. A lush atmosphere of tiny bleeps and bloops coming together to become greater than the sum of all parts. The song sounds so down and muted on the album, but hearing it live, it feels like a war cry. Both interpretations fit the themes of Demon Days, and it's a good one to start off the album following the Dawn of the Dead sampled "Intro".

6: El Mañana - Hearing this song follow "Busted and Blue" accompanied by visuals of Noodle during the Humanz Tour is the closest I've come to a religious experience at a concert. The sudden immediacy of the situation following "Feel Good Inc" is made aware from sirens and Damon delivering a ragged vocal delivery. The track ebbs and flows in and out of deep bass and washed out highs. It feels like a sigh. It feels like crying. And if you're a Gorillaz lore sucker like I am, this track accompanies the death of Noodle, the single most important event in the canon. Also, the acoustic version reminds one how good Damon is at evoking very quiet emotion.

5: Tomorrow Comes Today - When those drums come in, man, you get teleported to the turn of the millennium. Dirty trip-hop was coming out of the UK en masse, Fatboy Slim released one of my favorites albums of all time "Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars", and Daft Punk's "Discovery" was still a year off. In between some of the most important music of my life being dropped, Gorillaz dropped their first single "Tomorrow Comes Today" at the end of the year and solidified their place for years to come. Slinking and sly, velvety and smoky. This is Gorillaz sending up a culture of basement shows and turntablism. If Think Tank is the first "Gorillaz album", this is when the transition was made manifest.

4: On Melancholy Hill - Ugh, this song. This song is pretty. Full stop. It's one of Gorillaz' very few love songs, and it still manages to capture the plasticine sadness of Plastic Beach. Plastic Beach was my first real and honest introduction to Gorillaz in college, as I only remember hearing about Demon Days from advertising in 2005, when I was 12. This track was just a treat to hear in spring/summer, and a reason I made so many (see: too many) of my finals about Gorillaz. Around the time Humanz was teased, I went back and realized this song had held up so well. It's just a universal sentiment about how the world we know is falling apart, but let's have this moment together. The acoustic version is an honest to God lullaby. Something I can play my future children. Not bad for only 16 lines of lyric.

3: Empire Ants - If "On Melancholy Hill" is about finding the beauty in ruin, "Empire Ants" holds a magnifying glass up to ruin, wondering how it came to be. Listening to the album, "Superfast Jellyfish" came just before. A satirical take on consumeristic meals leading into a song about how we are personified as ants, marching in tandem to complete our tasks and build ever outward, never truly satisfied until death. It is a reminder to look upon the greater picture that is our world and see the moments of tranquility for what they are. Sadly, these moments do not last, and Little Dragon's part reminds us we are part of a machine, ever moving, ever crumbling. It is beauty interrupted by obligation, and for a kid who was in college when this album dropped, and who is now 26 and facing a lifetime of having to make my own decisions, it's an anthem.

2: Hong Kong - I remember loading the entirety of Plastic Beach onto my iPod Nano, and having an iTunes gift card left to spend from Christmas/birthday/etc. Having seen the Demon Days Live concert, I knew this track had to be on my beautiful iPod Nano. That, and for some reason, "Dirty Harry (Schtung Chinese New Year Remix). I remember long car rides staring out the window, listening to this track as the scenery blew by. I remember reading up on this track's history, how it was released in-between Demon Days and Plastic Beach and it shows, how it's a tale of neo-industrial China and Hong Kong's place in both Chinese and British history. This is both a love letter and warning to the nation of the apocryphal train ride that inspired Demon Days. In a world where China seems to be ever rising, "Hong Kong" is a song that asks questions of how this will affect the world as a whole, using Hong Kong as a metaphor. That's nothing to say of the wondrous instrumentation, the piano part in particular on my wishlist of "Songs I Should Learn on Piano Before I Die". Many call it Gorillaz' most underrated track, and I agree full stop.

1: DoYaThing - I'M THE SHIT. I SAID I'M THE SHIT. Above all else, Gorillaz is a collaborative effort of hundreds of musicians from all walks of life. When you throw James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem, a band that rose in the same timeframe as Gorillaz, and Andre 3000, my personal pick for the G.O.A.T., magic happens. Uncut, unedited, 13 minute magic happens. Is it a bit of a meme? Sure. It is a shitpost disguised as a legitimate song? Why not. But sometimes, the goofy aspect of Gorillaz can craft audio gold. And aren't we all about memes on this blog? Albarn's at his most snotty white boy. Murphy's production and vocals are a reminder he was every music nerd's wet dream in the 2000s. Andre 3000 is just laying into every line with a confidence not heard since Stankonia. Everything about this song is designed and manufactured to sound like it it running off the rails in a fit of confidence. It is both wildly powerful and mournfully unaware. In short, to quote the great music critic Todd in the Shadows on the subject of LCD Soundsystem’s song “Losing My Edge”, "(It is) a critical darling... This was tailor made for critics. It is perfect music nerd bait, total pandering." DoYaThing, my favorite Gorillaz song of all time.

#gorillaz #top 20 #songs #music #damon albarn #jamie hewlett #zanraikid

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kansetsukiss · 7 years ago

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Winter 2018: First Impressions

The new year always comes with a bout of unwarranted confidence and energy, and what better way to spend it, I thought, than by keeping entirely up to date with the new anime season. (I say “entirely,” though I have clearly omitted several shounen / fantasy shows out of respectful disinterest, and Citrus, for reasons that may evolve into their own post.) Here are the first impressions of the season’s first episodes. I’ll be checking back in halfway through and at the end of the season to chart each show’s progress. Saa, hajimaruzamasu yo!

Ramen Daisuki Koizumi-san

Though they’ve since been deleted, the first episode of Koizumi-san encouraged two extremely negative reviews to surface on MAL. Why anyone would submit a formal review after one episode is beyond me (get a tumblr blog, you herbs), but why this of all shows should warrant such backlash also confounds me. Yes, it’s silly - it follows goofy lesbian Oosawa Yuu as she follows her crush, the enigmatic Koizumi, from one ramen eatery to another, while Koizumi rebuffs her flirtations and educates her on various ramen cooking styles. It should be pretty fucking clear from this set-up that we’re not in for a thematically dense thrill-ride - why is this Cute Girls Doing Cute Things show apparently that much worse than others with equally pointless premises? All this said, I’m certainly wondering if the show can expand on its small roster of characters and settings to fill a full cour. Stranger things have happened. I’ll be following along, if only to hear more of Ayaneru’s darling voice acting, dreamy sigh.

Yuru Camp∆

(Don’t forget that delta!) This season’s iyashikei delivers exactly what was promised on the package, resulting in not much to say about it at all. I’m not sure the ambience here is quite luscious enough to warrant this many slow shots (cf. Studio Ghibli, Mushishi), but I was never bored, and it looks like we’ll be heading to more slice-of-life settings soon enough anyways. It’s quiet, thoroughly nice, even somewhat educational. Healing as it may be, it’s also definitely a Cute Girls show, and yes, the girls so far are very good. Fingers crossed we get some yuri with that yuru…

Sanrio Danshi

Ahh, a familiar conflict: a mega-corporation creates / sponsors art that supports progressive politics, but is also using the medium to shamelessly promote their products - cf. Pepsi, Heineken, etc. This time it’s Sanrio fighting restrictive gender stereotypes: why can’t boys be into cute animal mascots too? It’s a sweet message, but the irony of it coming directly from the merchandiser is hefty. Sanrio Boys makes an inoffensive first impression - the titular boys are entirely generic in design and expression, distinguished mostly by their mascot kyara of choice (disappointingly, my lovely Cinnamaroll has been claimed by a boofy-looking doofus). It’s shallow and ironically enjoyable, as most teen-girl-oriented media inevitably is, alas. Here lies another mystifying contradiction: a clearly low-effort show featuring an ensemble cast of five handsome but emotionally vulnerable boys is so clearly aimed at girls, so how is their boys-can-have-feelings-too message even going to land with its supposed target audience? Are the boys themselves just another marketable Sanrio product for girls?? Christ.

Violet Evergarden

Speaking of mega-corporations, Netflix is still on track to subsume all art and artists by 2020 - but hey, they’re putting out some good stuff. Violet Evergarden is a decisive question mark. I’m partial to both its main tropes of “post-war melancholy” and “emotionless person learns to feel again,” but they can intersect respectively with “leaning heavy on the Feels” and “literal objectification of women.” Violet’s emptiness doesn’t make for a compelling main character - it’s strange to see KyoAni’s unparalleled expressivity lavished upon an unexpressive character - and it’s hard to say whether her traumatic past will justify this, or just fall flat. I’m cautiously optimistic for now, and if it all does go south, I’ll always have Sora no Woto to give me the good stuff. (Special shout-out to both all-too-brief timelapse shots. KyoAni, you magnificent bastards.)

Sora yori mo Tooi Basho

I think it’s understandable that I would enter into this with trepidation - it seemed somewhere between a sports anime and a Cute Girls Etc., both of which can stretch to ridiculous settings. But it seems, in a weird way, fairly grounded. Well, I mean, for a show about high school girls travelling to Antarctica. I’m really hoping they’re not just on their way by episode 2 - Shirase’s struggle with the depressive realism of her ludicrous dream is ripe for exploring in itself. Both the main characters are wonderful; Shirase’s design indicated another taciturn raven-haired maiden (cf. Kousaka Reina), but she’s wonderfully expressive, and I’m always happy to hear Kana Hanazawa doing any voice other than Default Kana Hanazawa. Overall, it’s very nicely animated and paced, quietly comic, and almost definitely going to trip over its absurd premise by the time I next check up on it, but I suspect it will still be a fun, if silly, ride.

Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card

OH MY GOD. I’ve only been living in a post-Sakura world for about 2 years, and this was still a quasi-religious experience; I can’t imagine how this would feel to the fans who grew up on the show. Everything about this is fucking fantastic. I’m losing the ability to criticise. I’m dangerously close to “I can’t even”-ing. The production is perfect, the sakura petals are abundant, there’s a fucking oboe solo stripped-back rendition of Platinum when Syaoran appears, the fucking ED is so beautifully animated. I’m sorry, I’m doki-doki-ing all over the place. This is the by far my favourite of the season so far. Not even Meilin’s absence can sour this for me. (Okay, maybe a little, if I really think about it :c)

Pop Team Epic

Hmmm. This was preceded by its reputation, evenly regarded by my Twitter feed as “a shitpost in anime form” and “excellent lesbian representation.” Given how dense my watchlist already is, I’m pleased to say I absolutely don’t care about this. It conveys the same humour as short-form absurdities like Teekyuu or Plastic Nee-san, but mostly leans on shallow pop-culture references and crudeness. The face that it’s a full-length show - let alone the fact that the first episode is the same half-length episode played twice - is exasperating. As a fan of Wonder Showzen and the Eric Andre Show, I see the appeal of the style, but it definitely falls short of both such marks. (And though I know this is unfair, it’s a little hard to get into something so well-received by 4chan dipshits.)

Darling in the FranXX

There’s a sexual harassment joke roughly 4 minutes into the first episode - nowhere near Bakemonogatari’s record, and not damning in and of itself, but it unfortunately does reflect the overall tone. This feels like a weird teenage rebellion by Studio Trigger, defying their parent by making their own Evangelion, with blackjack!, and hookers!, and absolutely none of the subtlety or character exploration that made Eva great. Zero Two is a deafening klaxon of fanservice masquerading as a sexually autonomous character - I wanted to believe otherwise, but her fucking robot has nice boobs, and even gets its own panty shot. The robot, which is powered by making out, mind you. I’m not one to hold low-brow shows to higher standards - I will call a fanservice-y spade a spade - but I expected more out of Trigger at this point, especially on the heels of extremely wholesome Little Witch Academia series. Even the mediocre Kiznaiver had loftier goals. I’ll keep tabs on this one - if nothing else, Trigger’s animation style and an excellent OST will sweeten a bitter pill.

Mitchiri Neko

Hard pass. If you’re gonna watch a banal, cutesy, 3-minute runtime cat show - like, if you really need that - watch Bananya.

#anime review #anime #sanrio danshi #ramen daisuki koizumi-san #yuru camp #sora yori mo tooi basho #cardcaptor sakura #violet evergarden #pop team epic #darling in the franxx #mitchiri neko

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