#look ammu and abbu...

[fate-tumbles]

If you build it, they will come.

And if they don't, at least you can pay some tricksters (read: marketing folkx 😏) to make them think they WANT to come here like it was their OWN idea.

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Sohbet: 26 July 2024

Bismillah (In the name of the Divine) to the myriad channels of our spiritual learning. And, Allah please bless our various spiritual teachers for colouring our lives with meaning and purpose:

#1. Last Jumu'ah Sohbet Shaykh Nishaat, the heartsmith, spoke about the soul. For this, we have to unpack what the mind and spiritual heart are because it will make us understand the soul clearer, Insha'Allah. Let's start on the mind, while the brain controls a person's movements, emotions, and various bodily functions; the mind refers to a person's morality, reasoning, and understanding. The brain is a physical organ; it can be touched or seen; however, the mind is intangible; it can neither be touched nor seen

Next, the spiritual heart has no physical form and is limitless. It's our connection with Allah and is like an inner sun that shines Nur (Divine light) into all areas of our lives. The spiritual heart is always awake, always ready to light our path to full awareness. Now, the SOUL is the intertwining of the mind and the spiritual heart. The soul is the complex of all our knowing and believing. The soul is the complete activity of our inner person. The soul is the representation of who we are on the inside, the combination of our thoughts (mind) and feelings (spiritual heart).

So, our Shaykh Nishaat intriguingly asked us how our thoughts and actions influence our souls? When we make our choices unconsciously in a split second without thinking about it, there is no connection with Allah because there is no thought or niyat (intention) in our actions. When we rationalise and feel proud about ourselves, what is in play there, our spiritual hearts or our nafs? Each choice followed by an action in a day that we make influences our soul, for the good and not so good, because only Shaytan can be bad, of course! Here, the heartsmith unpacked a Hadith Qudsi, which is a saying of our beloved Prophet (SAW), as our micro blessing that enables us to operate soulfully each time, Insha'Allah:

#2. Then Wakil Shamim, your Abbu and Papa (grandfather) of Zaynab, who we physically saw for the first time at our congregational Zikr, was asked to comment. He said,

"We all have an opportunity to gain knowledge on the path, but how much of our lives are devoted to that? If we focus on what we are meant to on the Sulook (spiritual journey), then we don't have to wait for our old age (like your Abbu and Ammu did 😳) You young people have the opportunity to get to the enlightened stage quicker."

#3. Thereafter, Anne (our spiritual mother) had us spellbound with her gracious wisdom. She said:

"Our normal way of being is like a seesaw, sometimes good and sometimes bad. However, when we are living with our connections, we hear our hearts. Our conscience is the voice of our hearts. The inclination toward evil is not going to go away, but it will become less! The influence of the world's negativity on us will be less. Shaykh Taner would always say that good and bad are always mixed in this world, but in the hereafter, good and bad will be separate..."

I was left pondering about the recent earthquake in Turkey, the ongoing genocide in Gaza, and even our accident. With disasters, there are always negative but positive perspectives as well! Shukran Ya Allah (Divine gratitude) for Shaykh Taner's Positivity prayers that keep the positive perspective in our consciousness. This brings us to what your Ammu discovered by Allah's magical touch. It reminded her that while we're in this world, every day is a beautiful day with Allah, whether we face sunshine or rain, joy or pain:

#4. Anne continued to tug on our heart strings as she said,

"You are connected to Allah! Do you feel that Allah is connected to you as well? Allah is showing immense compassion to you and love! I don't feel like I lost love because your Shaykh is not physically around. Actually, in that great sadness, everywhere I looked, I saw love! That became another reason to cry when you're in the crying mode, whether you are happy or you're sad! It can be both too, as you know! I want you to think and remember a moment where you felt Allah talk to you directly..."

For your Ammu, it was crystal clear, in retrospect, when:

i. She was directed away from the vain design field into the service of the poor with her newfound research abilities.

ii. When she saw a dolphin spring into the air at the Durban beachfront for the first time, it inspired her to get married to your Abbu.

iii. When she eventually dawdled to Shaykh Taner to request to become a murid (follower of the AQRT Tariqa), after a couple of years, mind you! He graciously welcomed her regardless, after a chuckle at her reasoning, that she wanted to join the family of misfits! 🥹✨

#5. Your Wakil Abbu ran the learning circle. He was reflecting on a Sohbet from 2022 with Shaykh Taner and Anne. The topic was remaining connected to Allah, especially in the moment now! What are Allah's attributes that He's sharing with us in whatever we're doing? It's about how we keep that focus during our daily lives, where we get so engrossed and become heedless of our consciousness of, and connection to, Allah. We must then check each time if Allah is with us in our activity?!

As always, Anne beautifully complimented Shaykh Taner, where she spoke about 'Secret of secrets' in that Sohbet. The Prophet (SAW) said that the first thing that Allah created was Nur'e Muhammad (Light of the Prophet, SAW). From there, we know that Allah created the Arsh (heavenly throne) and all of creation. However, the first thing that Allah created was the Ruh (soul), then Al Qalam (the pen), and the 'Aql (intellect). All of these things represent the Prophet (SAW) as Allah's first creation. When we are immersed in our activities, we are then connected to the Prophet (SAW) as well, as he's the wasila (means) to get connected with Allah.

Shukran Ya Allah to the count of infinity that Ammu's former research reporting skills is spiritually inspiring us through our family Jumu'ah Sohbets! When physically unable in the world, has she gained the spiritual ability to reflect on her mind, heart, and soul!

[theunpaidtherapistsclub]

The Unpaid Therapists' Journals: Parvana

November 1

               I don’t know how or why this happened. I finally finished all my midterms and all that was on my mind was taking a nap and then playing some games with my little sister, Saima. I made it to my dorm room and immediately crashed onto my bed, without even taking my shoes or glasses off. I woke up to an unfamiliar voice, saying “Welcome, Parvana, to the Devildom.”

               I pried my eyes open, and I am immediately greeted by a smiling red-haired, tan-skinned man clad in red in front of me.

               “Eh… What…” was the most intelligent thing I could say at the moment.

               “Oh, my apologies. It’s only natural that you’d feel a bit disoriented, as you’ve just arrived.”

               I rubbed my eyes under my glasses and glanced around. I found myself in some sort of council room with several men looking down at me. Now that my brain has caught up with me, I came to realize that I never told the red-haired man my name. How did he know? I immediately asked him what was going on, how he knew my name, and why I was here. He told me to calm down a bit before he caught me up to speed. His name was Diavolo, the ruler of all demons and the future King of the Devildom. He told me I was in the assembly hall of the Royal Academy of Diavolo. At this point, a second man, or rather, demon, took over to explain. His name was Lucifer.

               Lucifer? As in, the Demon of Pride? This image wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I heard that name. I didn’t really have the time to ponder this as he explained that I was here as an exchange student from the human world. Apparently, this year-long exchange program is supposed to strengthen the ties between the Celestial Realm, the Human World, and the Devildom. Two candidates from the Celestial Realm and the Human World were chosen to participate in this program, and I was the second human candidate.

               That’s odd. I never signed up for this. I told them as much, but my name was put in the list of candidates. So, I was basically kidnapped with extra steps? I suppressed the urge to vomit. Literally how did my name get onto this list? And why was I chosen? It was at this point that Lucifer handed me a DDD and told me to call his brother, Mammon. Lucifer told me that he was supposed to take care of me during my stay here in the Devildom. I told Mammon this, and he didn’t seem so happy about it. ReAL rELiAbLE gUY. I remember thinking at the time: I’m totally going to die, aren’t I? And I haven’t even turned eighteen yet.

               Before I could sort out my thoughts, the rest of the men here introduced themselves: Asmodeus, the Avatar of Lust; Satan, the Avatar of Wrath; and Beelzebub, the Avatar of Gluttony. Asmodeus offered to demonstrate his power on me, but I passed. Not long after I got acquainted with the five men, a sixth, white-haired, tan-skinned man came through the door. That must be Mammon. He only made eye contact with me and threatened to rob me. Lucifer thankfully intervened. Hospitality 10/10.

               Before I was escorted to the House of Lamentation, I asked if the DDD can make calls to human world numbers. I wanted to call either my parents or my sister to let them know where I am and that I was safe. I was ecstatic to know that it could, so I called Ammu’s number. I told her what happened and naturally she was LIVID.

“WHY ARE YOU IN THIS PLACE? WHY DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS PROGRAM? AND WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT SIGNING UP FOR THIS?” She yelled.

“I didn’t sign up for this, though. I don’t know how I even got here,” I said.

I did not know what else to tell her. I heard Abbu and Saima in the background, also equally as concerned.

“What did she say? The Devildom?? PARVANA, WHY ARE YOU THERE??”

“What the actual HECK? DID APU JUST GET KIDNAPPED??”

As I could not assure my family that I would be okay (I don’t even know if I would be), Lucifer stepped in. I don’t think they were all that sure though.

               After that Mammon escorted me to the House of Lamentation, all the while bitching. I didn’t really catch all of it, as I was still processing what was going on. Once I set foot into the house, I was greeted by a purple haired man shouting at Mammon to pay him back. Despite me not wanting any part of their little squabble, Mammon used me as a distraction and just dipped. I feel less and less safe here, and it hasn’t even been an hour. But then again, I was basically flung into hell(?) without warning, so what was I expecting.

               The purple-haired man, Leviathan, dragged me to his room. Or was this a section in an aquarium? The farthest wall had a fish tank full of colourful fish that almost took up its entire space. I noticed there were a lot of posters of anime I had never seen before plastered over his walls. There were also figurines of characters I was unfamiliar with adorning his shelves. How does a person have this much free time? I looked around at his shelves and noticed a set of thick books lining them. Turns out it was his favourite book series, and he ranted to me about it.

               After that long winded rant, I asked to know why I was there to begin with. It turns out he wants me to forge a pact with Mammon to make him pay the money he owes. “I missed the part where that’s my problem” is what I told him. But he told me that by having a pact with Mammon basically means he’s pretty much at my mercy. I mean, if it means I can make him do his job properly, then this looks like a win in my books, so in light of that, I agreed to help. It turns out that Leviathan has a plan to lure his brother into making a pact. I might just be able to actually sleep tonight.

[joereads]

The Henna Wars by Adiba Jaigirdar🏳️‍🌈 5/5⭐️

☀️First lines:

“I decided to come out to my parents at Sunny Apu’s engage part. Not because of Sunny Apu and her groom, or the buzz of the wedding in the air. And not because everything about a Bengali wedding is so palpably heterosexual that it’s almost nauseating. I decided to come out because of the way Ammu and Abbu look at Sunny Apu, with a mixture of pride and love and longing”

The Henna Wars follow Nishat who comes out to her parents, and afterwards has to deal with their silence. In the mean while she finds herself falling for the new student, Flàvia. This book is about difficult friendships, not being accepted or seen, love and rivalry. And it’s great, the last chunk made me smile so much, this book started my love for lesbian YA romance ☀️🌸📚

[raw-raidah]

I knew I was never going to be a Sabyasachi Bride  (And it’s okay.)

The year was 2015 when I was first exposed to that amazing designer who redefined pre-millenium materials into a millennium piece of art. The first thing I did was look up “prices of Sabyasachi bridal Lehenga” hoping there would be a website where the dresses would be displayed like they are in Forever 21, and I could use the “price low to high” filter to pick the perfect piece that suits me and my budget.

Trouble; the website was way too Bougee to even display prices, and the only reference I got which remotely referred to Sabyasachi bridal lehenga prices was a Quora thread which showed they range from something around 3-10 lakh INR. Multiply by almost 2.5 and you get the price in Bangladeshi Taka. 

Heartbreak. Disappointment. Why am i not Kylie Jenner rich?

Then I thought to myself, surely my Abbu or the family I marry into would be able to buy me a Sabyasachi. If not, I will save enough money to buy one myself. I am independent, duh! How hard would it be to pay for a dress? 

Years passed by, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019. The lehengas didn’t get any cheaper. To make it more difficult (for me) designer names such as Sarah Karim, Manish Malhotra and Rimple and Hatpreet joined the crew of names GORGEOUS Bangladeshi brides could take when I asked them “where’s your dress from?” 

DON’T get me wrong, I have dearest friends who wore amazing designer lehengas at their weddings and they looked the part! 

But that’s the thing, I wanted that look as well. I wanted to be a bride flaunting a dress where people would ask “where’s your dress from?”. Even if a part of me always knew my pocket(s) would never be big enough to fit that Lehenga in.

Year came 2019, I was done with my Masters in Sydney and trying to make a living here. Me and my boyfriend were thinking about getting married. So began our research for the perfect decor, the perfect dress, the perfect freaking Pinterest board. 

BUT, also came the reality with it; Hunting for a new apartment to live in, full time jobs, researching which washing machine would be good for my clothes but not bad for my electricity bill. 

That’s when it hit me. 

A Sabyasachi lehenga costs around 6000-10,000 AUD. Babe, that’s 3-4 months rent for me. That’s 1/5th of what I earn every year BEFORE taxes. I can’t afford that. 

And CONTEXT: I come from a classic middle class Bangladeshi family where both my Parents worked Government jobs to give me and my brother a more than comfortable lifestyle. I am grateful. But even if my Father could have remotely afforded to buy me that dress, should I have asked for it? 

It’s just ONE DAY. Albeit, it’s my Wedding day, but it’s still ONE DAY, and thousands of hours of earning spent on that ONE DRESS.

That’s when I realised. I was being an idiot.

I DONT NEED to be a Sabyasachi bride or a Sarah Karim bride or a anything bride. I DONT NEED to have Sygmaz or Enchanted or whichever extravagant decorator there is these days to decorate my wedding. 

I just need a day where I look the best that “ I  “ have ever looked, and am surrounded by a decor which doesn’t make anyone say “eww”. 

You are getting married. Marriage is NOT a wedding. And a Wedding shouldn’t ever have to make a woman, who probably has been waiting for this day for YEARS, to feel inadequate in, because “people these days wear designer lehengas”, “mirrored floor on a stage is a bare minimum”, “oh you aren’t serving Naan AND Biriyani?”. 

Do Bangladeshis get that? Weddings are becoming bigger than award shows these days, (good for those who can afford them) send me invites so that my snapchat looks bougee for one day. 

I won’t say STOP fancy weddings because it will offend a lot of people who LIKE spending. 

But STOP to those in the “middle-class families” like I am. STOP succumbing to such ridiculous expectations which go beyond your budget. What’s the point? I swear when you spend that money to send your kid to a good school in the future, that kid wouldn’t even care about what designer Ammu wore on her wedding day or who was the event management company?

I will never be able to be a Sabyasachi bride. And it’s okay. But with my budget and taste I should hopefully be able to look like a nice bride? Still be someone who people ask “where is that dress from?” and be able to give an answer which makes the other women feel like “yeah I could go to that shop for my wedding”.

Hence, what’s the lesson today I can provide as a bride who wants to save her and YOUR $$$.

Cliche shit, but, as long as the dress you wear that night is what you love, the person you are saying Kobul to is definitely who you love, and there are enough roses for little children to steal at the end of the event...it would be nothing less than a Sabyasachi night. 

Oh and send me invites if you are still having a fancy wedding though, I mean I am poor but not picky.

[littlepinksockofmine]

omg ammu is hilariously bad at taking pictures of me, she’s panicking the whole time telling me not to smile too much and “smile naturally!!! :U” so all the photos end up with me being like 

“no >:U”

and also, she pulls the phone up waaaaaay way high so i look stubby and emphasizes my dark circles lol

abbu is no better, so like all my eid pics are trash except for my selfies and ones other competent people take lol

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Sohbet: 30 December 2023

In the brink of a gross genocide, where the Zionists are destroying not only Palestinians but with it, their own sense of humanity, and even the ever-prevailing injustice of Sudan... was Shaykha Rita's delivery of a Saturday Sohbet (spiritual address) that compassionately redirected us as God-conscious humans. It was not only a source of spiritual healing with her unwitting poetry, but it inspired us with her sense of humbleness!

Bismillah (With the name of Allah) to reflecting on her shared learnings and Shukran Ya Allah (Divine gratitude) for all these inspired supporters. They reinforce our spiritual school that is being aptly steered by our primary Anne (spiritual mother), Shaykha Muzeyyen Ansari, who chooses each of them to deepen our spiritual insights.

#1. Shaykha Rita, the "humble-smith," began her Sohbet by professing that all power and knowledge belong to Allah and not us. She described how each of us is an intersection between ourselves as nafs (egos) and what Allah has placed within us. Therefore, we each have the capacity within us to be of service, to help one another, and to do good in the world.

She described my exact post-accident quandary of whether we choose to love or, conversely, hold onto our resentment, difficulties, and complaints over how things have turned out. For us, this alternative chosen way is turning towards Allah; connecting, and looking to be of service. We are connected as human beings but more so as a Tariqa (spiritual community) who are striving to become more sincere and capable of being of service for Allah’s sake:

Ya Muqtadir Ya Qadir Ya Nafi (Yearning Allah's ability to enact goodness)

For your Ammu, that is a surrender to this mysteriously satisfying "job" that your Abbu has boldly entrusted upon her, to spiritually reflect upon our Tariqa's weekly snippet-out of-the-ocean of learning where in we wade and swim in 🌊

Shukran Ya Allah! (Divine gratitude)

#2. However, Shaykha Rita immediately clarified that this does not mean grandiose service. Just as I am trying to professionally redefine myself, she echoed that we should not be after specific jobs. We should only be after doing what we can for Allah’s sake. She proceeded to describe my comforting reality that it doesn't mean that we can't strive to be of incremental help, as I have been enabled to offer our Tariqa. The help depends on how much we surrender and are prepared to take on.

She mystically added that each of us, whether knowingly or unknowingly, has a task. We strive to be Khalifatullah as Allah's representatives, and we already have tasks that we are already unknowingly doing. We have a place and purpose in our bodies, homes, and communities. For every person that we have a relationship with, we and they are representing Allah's names and qualities in ourselves.

We may look around us and think that certain things can't be a part of Allah in a person or war, calamity, or disaster. And we go around secretly having all these judgments, which creates distance. Our grievances, bereavement, and suffering in other's hands, suffering in other people's nafs and our own nafs especially, keep us separate and we keep away from who we are and what Allah wants us to be!

#3. Shaykha Rita then relayed an essential truth of mine where we voluntarily acknowledge that Allah puts us in a specific situation and context - to show us that He wants us to do something in that moment. What would the right thing be to do, the right prayer to make and the right sense of service be...? Remembering that any good that comes through us, is from Allah and anything bad is from our nafs. This is why I call my remembrance of Allah an accidental epiphany, that has raised me out of my proverbial slumber in my past privilege, where Allah allowed me freedom to disconnect from Him, despite my Tariqa that kept me connected to Him!

Shaykha Rita echoed that we must learn from how we look at nafs, from us and others. I was blind to Sufism's emphasis on the nafs, totally blinded by its powers. Our nafs is truly like an enemy to us. Allah has also given us the capacity with the help of our Silsila to battle against our nafs in what wants to pull us away from Allah by creating obstacles. We can overcome these obstacles because our hearts want Allah, and our hearts want to be loving and good. Everyone of us want to be loving and express Allah's attributes in our lives, and if we don't, it's because of our own; incompleteness, suffering, hardships, and our own forgetfulness of remembering Allah! I hope that now everyone understands my reason for deleting Facebook which celebrated my nafs from my past, it takes a life altering accident to see haq (truth) more clearly, and to focus on nurturing the remembrance of Allah instead. Shukran Ya Allah (Divine gratitude) for my accidental epiphany that has brought me back to remembering who I truly am, a Khalifatullah (representative of Allah)!

#4. Further on, she described my post-accidental reality where there are times and spaces where we need to acknowledge where our nafs is acting up, or others' nafs, but where is Allah in this situation - where is the focus until we bring the focus back to Allah! Shaykh Taner used to say that when hearts meet hearts, there is love, and when nafs meets nafs - there is fight! So, if we're engaging in conflict and having problems, Allah is teaching us by giving things and taking things from us, as He does with all of His creation. I maintain that this is why I had my life altering accident at a perceived "best" time of my life, whereas Shaykh Taner and Anne's work to rehabilitate me in this form, is ironically the most spiritually able that I am, as a less-able being.

The humble-smith choked me up when she proclaimed:

It's not only because we are practicing Sufism, that Allah is raising us because Allah is raising all different creations with different means, guidance, and religions. But this is the way He is raising us Alhamdulillah, and with this comes a certain responsibility, to try and act with whatever it is that we have!

#5. One of Shaykha Rita's final spellbinding shares was that beyond sharing our gifts with others, it might be skills that we have been blessed with that we can share with one another. Subhana'Allah, she even proceeded to describe my self-deprecating tendency where we are tempted to hide and think that we are not good enough yet, we haven't grown enough or prayed or performed enough of our wazifa (a regular litany of scripture) or been in the Tariqa long enough, and whatever complaint that we may have about ourselves! We don't have to be anywhere to make the intention to be generous with what Allah has already given us! Yes, there is so much more to learn, much to put into action, and much more of the living of the Qur'an, but we can start right now! We can start in this breath ... Huu, remember, Baba and Ma...?!

We can start with the intention of loving for Allah’s sake, praying for one another, praying for His creation. We can make the intention of developing a sixth sense of gratitude to Allah; where we think, see, hear, feel, and remember Allah. We must get into the habit of appreciation and enjoyment, where we really feel happiness irrespective of the challenges we face; whether bodily, financially, or socially... we can have little holidays being with Allah!

And the appreciation is not just yes Allah, You're beautiful but yes Allah, let's be a part of this beauty by adding to it. Let's help with this beauty. Let's be active in our actions, which don't have to be grandiose. We can hide and still do good. We can witness and observe Allah, but there might be times that it is important to speak and act!

This explains my holiday "chooti" (break) and as to why our Jumu'ah Sohbet is happening now, on a Saturday. There was such deep inner retrospection struck by the natural poetry of Shaykha Rita:

Shukran Ya Allah! (Divine gratitude)

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Sohbet: 1 December 2023

With eternal Divine gratitude (Shukran Ya Allah) that we have just passed your Abbu's birthday, two days after your Abbu and Ammu's wedding anniversary. The greatest gift that we all have been blessed with is your Abbu's graduation as a Rehber (Guide) to a Wakil (wise representative of our Tariqa) - Subhana'Allah! All the while inmeshed in continued learning and war mayhem, which is gratefully opening the minds and hearts of people like never before.

#1. Shaykh Nishaat began on a tongue-in-cheek note, where he ironically pointed to a truth where bad people in media and history always seem to get the limelight. It, after all, coined the expression, "History is written by the victors!" However, in reality, that has not always been the case, so we have to fight Shaytaan's infiltration of impatience, ingratitude, and negativity into our psyche.

While we we wait for Divine justice, we must keep observing Allah. Allah shows Himself through His signs. Allah tells us that He is in us and in everything around us. It's a lesson for us not to get lost in the signs. We must remind ourselves that there is a Creator of it! At our micro-scale, when we see or like something, it is from Allah. We must always fall in love with the Creator of it. We should worship and submit to the Creator and not get lost in the signs.

It's like a sign on the road. We use it for direction to the goal of Allah. When we lose sight of it, like the world right now. What are we fighting for, and what are we learning? We see all the signs, but we are clearly not after the truth - we choose nafs (our lower-selves / egos) and all the evil and darkness that comes with it instead of Al-Haq (the source of Truth).

#2. Our first action should be our intention (niyaat) to see the truth. When Allah shows the truth to us, we have to accept and act with it. Allah will not hide the truth and share it with us. As human beings, we have been given free will, and how we use free will is - against or with - our nafs. In fact, if we had no nafs, there would be no need for free will. We have to choose Allah and the truth. That is our path as human beings. In the world, falsehood is sold as truth. We see the short-term as a drive-through, where everything is about instant gratification as quickly acquired as possible, but nobody questions if it's good or right for them. We submit to our social and familial accretions over Allah!

The truth is when we enact Allah's rules and we can't make up our own truths! We should be asking Allah if this is what He wants ...? We have to look for the signs (ayats) in our lives, as trials so that we may know Allah. As Sufis, Allah shows us through our own experiences so that we may see and learn! Everything that we go through in life is one breath or moment that we can draw closer to Allah. Allah is closer to us than our jugular vein! Are we as close or closer to our nafs? That is the choice that we have to make with every breath and every moment.

Even though we oppose the nafs, by knowing it, we can get closer to Allah. That is why he Prophet SAW said, "If you know yourself, then you will know your Lord!" Meaning that every time that we go against our nafs, we'll learn more about Allah. We must look at ourselves, do we want the truth? Allah says that He created everything with truth (haq). If we choose it, then we will create a balance in this material world.

#3. Shaykh Anjum then mystified us by deepening our love of Prophet Muhammad SAW. In Shaykh Taner's words in "The Sun Will Rise in the West". In the Qur'anic words that says "Wama Arsalnaka Illa Rehmatalil Alameen" as Allah sent our Prophet Muhammad SAW as a mercy to all the worlds. Shaykh Taner said that when the heart is clean, the inner spiritual senses come alive through the balance of the inner and outer senses. The mature Sufi identifies with the heart of Prophet Muhammad SAW, which is in constant rapport with the essence of Allah through Rabita (heartfelt connection).

Above: "Wama Arsalnaka Illa Rehmatalil Alameen" as Allah sent our Prophet Muhammad SAW as a mercy to all the worlds.

It is aligned with the entire universe, which is important because it has become Fana Fillah (the dissolution of the self in Allah). Through such a heart, Allah sends mercy to His creation where that mature Sufi becomes a mercy to the creation. The Sufi functions as a servant of Allah in this material world in an active and beneficial way and as a conduit of Allah's mercy! In this way, we follow the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad SAW. So the question is, can we become a complete Sufi without him SAW? We can't! The Prophet SAW becomes the foundation of which everything in the universes stands up. The beginning of creation was created with the Light (Nur) of Prophet Muhammad SAW. So all our understanding and gathering is because of him (SAW).

#4. Shaykh Anjum reminded us that when making Rabita (heartfelt connection), we begin with Destur Ya Allah and then what? Destur Ya Rasullulah because without Prophet Muhammad SAW, there is nothing! He then appealed to Allah to increase our understanding because without it, we are not moving! A Sufi can not be the same every two days because we have to keep on growing. It is growth in getting closer to Allah!

In the one end, information flows to us like we have a boat but which we have to row! Knowledge increases the consciousness, where we responsibly utilise our time. When we talk about the intention, the connection, the dosage, and the timing, which fits very well with the healing aspects. He then focused on direction. Where does it come from and from whom should you take it from? How, when, why, and where matters!

There is no point in rowing in the wrong direction because we won't reach the destination! It is very important for the spiritual teachers to be accountable that their followers follow the given direction to end up in the appropriate destination. The followers should be aware and conscious that the direction is to the Prophet SAW and to Allah, which we constantly mull over in Shaykh Taner's front and backpack during life's journey.

#5. Like every Monday was our Qur'an with Contemplation and Action session with Khalifa Rubina. She is a wise, humble, and comprehensive facilitator without any air. I hold your Abbu's facilitation expertise high up, and I think Khalifa Rubina is his female equivalent! We had an in-depth discussion about Surah Al-'Araf of only verses 19-25 where Hazrat Adam AS and Bibi Hawa AS were lured by Shaytaan as a sincere adviser to eat from the forbidden tree.

At the onset, when a participant innocently queried what intention she could make for the session as asked for... Khalifa Rubina's response simply blew me away!:

"it's a personal intention, we ask Allah SWT to guide and show us the message. For us to be able to acknowledge, understand, practice, and share it in a way that Allah is pleased with. If there is any issues that you have in your life, whether emotional, financial or relationship wise, ask Allah to ease that for you and allow this session to be one of healing because Allah tells us that the Qur'an was sent as healing and mercy for humanity ...."

She naturally inspires poetry in us where a fellow participant could reflect:

"Instead of being a human who always wants “something”, we should rather move to become “nothing”. Humility, love, mercy, tolerance, and compassion are the qualities and adhab (etiquette) of Insaane kamil (the perfected human being) who aspires to get closer to Allah SWT!"

In conclusion, our spiritual school is immersed in a deep ocean of learning. Shukran Ya Allah (Divine gratitude), that we can surrender to our spiritual growth, especially when materially less-able!

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Sohbet: 18 October 2024

We are in the week or more appropriately, the entire month, of commemorating the urs (death anniversary) of our Pir (Spiritual guide): Hazrat (Honourable) Abdul Qadir Geylani. It is also where Allah has chosen through numerous mediums as your Abbu, Mimi, and now Anne (our spiritual mother) - even through the numerous senseless deaths of Palestinians, Lebanese, Sudanese etc ... not to make me dread death for our loved ones, so much! It's merely a passage of time and a journey into the next world, see. Until our eventual reunion in Jannat, please Allah! Can I please hear a collective, Insha'Allah ... Okay, Bismillah to this week's Sohbet.

#1. Anne endearingly began reflecting on Hazrat Abdul Qadir Geylani. We might not fully know him but have felt him, however he always knew and knows us murids (Sufi followers), until the day of Judgment, where he will carry a long list of people who will learn from him 😇 She continued: "I have found in my experience that our Pirs were involved in our lives from the beginning where there was a connection, even as a child, they were in our life! You were protected and guided. As you know, we have Fanafil Shaykh, Fanafil Pir, Fanafil Rasulallah, and Fanafillah. That means we belong to a live Tariqa. Not only do you get to meet your Shaykh live, but you also meet with our Pirs and our entire Silsila, eventually. Some of them before or after (our worldly deaths, Insha'Allah!)"

When we meet Hazrat Abdul Qadir Geylani, feel him or ask for help, Allah sends help through him. It is then that we recognise his energy in our past when we had met. Anne mystically described it as: "You had described it as something else, but now you know." During these days of his urs, we can do Zikr and dedicate its blessings upon him. We can feed someone or make a donation in his name. Or we can eat some almonds because our beloved Abdul Qadir Geylani loved almonds. We must make a connection most of all. Your Ammu will, especially when eating and contemplating on the subtlety of the almond itself, Insha'Allah 😊 We are called the eating Tariqa by other Tariqas affectionately because we are either cooking together or have some food. We are actually the feeding Tariqa, and this comes from Hazrat Abdul Qadir Geylani.

Above: Another cartoon of the tale of young Hazrat Abdul Qadir Geylani (Allah eternally preserve his secret). Just as our Islamic Bangla cartoon that we recognised when Anne recounted the tale for Aunty Chrisdiana. Insha'Allah, we are as conscious of Allah in our moments as he was in his childhood. Because the thieves jokingly asked whether he had money, he simply couldn't lie because they asked, Subhana'Allah (Divine glory)!

#2. Anne thereafter made us fall deeper in loving contemplation on the Hadith: "The mu'min is the reflection (in the mirror) to Al Mu'min" It can be the other way round too, where the reflection of the little mu'min is but Al Mu'min, Shukran Ya Allah (teary Divine gratitude for such a possible reality in us)!

She narrated a mystical poem to make her point:

You are the secret of God's secret.

You are the mirror of divine beauty.

Everything in the universe is within you.

Ask all from yourself.

The One at whom you are looking is also you.

#3. Our weekly Qur'an Contemplation reading was on Sura Al Ma'arij (The Gateways of Ascension). On that day, the heavens will be open, and the gateways will emerge. What intrigued me foremost is its pluralised reality! Even more intriguingly, she suggested that we could possibly think of them as worm holes 🕳

- Angel Azrael (AS) collects our souls and becomes our gateway. Therefore, his blessed being is not killing us. He is opening the doors for us to the next life, so we must be good to and honour him.

- Why do many Sufis say about Jahannam, "Bring your fire from this world in yourself!" This is where we must remember that we are Allah's khalifa (representatives), and whatever we do in this world, we will face that, and it may be considered worth punishment. Evil in Allah's universe lives in this world, Allah is just!

- Death is not a punishment, and even grief has a place in our lives. This is where Anne, as a recent widow to our beloved Shaykh Taner, proclaimed that she can affirm that even grief has much to teach us.

- Salaat is more than ritualistic prayer. To us, it means being constant in our connection and devotion. This is what helps us to see Allah in this world. As the catch word, we must be mindful of Allah. Why? Because we are easily stress prone with never-ending technologies, which we don't know how to handle and digest. This centuries' illness is stress, which is killing us over yellow fever, typhoid, and COVID. We must, therefore, be consistent in our connection.

- We need to learn how to use the most beautiful names of Allah in our daily lives and how to start our day with them. And, according to the situation, Anne, loyally as our spiritual mother, ensured our access to Shaykh Taner's Positivity Prayers. Its effectiveness could be verified with their own family circumstances as my own years later. I intentionally committed to reading each line 101× That's how desperate I was for Allah's transformation of our despair into something good. That is exactly what I got, Subhana'Allah!

#4. Anne was asked about Ism'e 'Azam, which is the greatest name of Allah and a name of immense power. It is a sign of His essence and is hidden from limitations. "Allah" is considered such because it contains all His perfect and divine attributes. Anne said, "My Shaykh Nuruddin Awzal told me that when you don't know what to pray at your time of need, you can simply repeat Allah. You don't have to remember anything else." So, consistent Ism'e 'Azam is always Allah.

However, we can also recite certain ayah (verses of the Qur'an) in times of great distress and calamity. It is an affirmation that Allah is the source of all sustenance and safety, and all solutions come from Allah alone. However, there is another name of Allah that changes and becomes active. In fact, all of Allah's beautiful names can be Ism'e 'Azam according to its need and time. Allah will activate that as akber (greatest), know as Ism'e Akber. It is the name of Allah that needs to be the most active within our lives, and the energy of it will infuse our whole world.

#5. In our biweekly Learning Circle, we were reflecting on our worldly actions that are dedicated; in, to, for, and with Allah's name alone. Undeniably, that is our Daily Assignment and daily Qur'an contemplation times. The irony of that is that they are things that Allah doesn't even need from us, and it is us that benefit from carving out the time to connect and devote ourselves to Him.

I would dare to place it higher than service because it's a private matter between ourselves and Allah alone. We are guaranteed that nafs is not involved, Insha'Allah! However, when Allah calls us to serve, we must be adaptable to redesign our daily activities to serve especially when urgently needed. I am grateful for the personal relationship with Allah that our Daily assignments and daily Qur'an contemplation offers, Shukran Ya Allah!

In conclusion, how wonderous is it to be constantly reflective of ourselves. Where we not only are testament to our constant growth but insha'Allah where we are blessed to reflect Al Mu'min (the Source of Certainty). It can be achieved through our commitment to tasawwuf (gaining inner knowledge through Sufism), which cleanses our mirrors so that we truly reflect Al Mu'min, Insha'Allah!

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Sohbet: 22 September 2023

Why I have re-labelled our family tradition from Khuthbah into a Sohbet is for these main reasons:

- We are but followers of a Turkish Sufi Tariqa (spiritual path)

- Sohbet means a spiritually inspired sermon, address or discourse in Turkish

- It transmits heart-language, which anyone can relate really, and because your Ammu has the blessed time to reflect, she has been the transmitter of these inspirations during our family Jumu'ah prayers

- It also proves that we don't have to tightly hold onto good things in this world, we can let them evolve into other equally blessed happenings, as Anne (our spiritual mother) being our spiritual leader in this world, bismillah!

#1. Anne confirmed that she has been guided to upkeep all the international travel dates to each of us, with the fitting theme of making Rabita (heart-connection) as strongly as possible through our spiritual lineage including both Shaykh Taner and herself, the rest of our Pirs (Saints), right up to Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and ultimately to our source of love, Allah Al-Wadud!

She reaffirmed what we have all tangibly felt, that Shaykh Taner and our Pirs are not dead or disappeared. They remain with us, with Anne as their physical representation in this world. This was designed as such many years before Shaykh even spoke to us all, Subhana'Allah!

#2. She equally reaffirmed why we regard her as our spiritual mother because on numerous occasions, she emphasised that she would be readily available to respond to any of our spiritual needs. It's sort of like how your Abbu has a man-size of yummies, and Ammu has a perpetual share-size with you kids! Though Allah, please bless both the undeniably benevolent souls of Shaykh Taner and your Abbu.

#3. Shaykha Rita subsequently reflected on how Shaykh Taner was role-modelling by example in every moment of his lived life.

As when he came to Durban's Warwick Junction in my past service as a Research Officer there. He and Anne left with Zulu beadwork from the Bead Sellers, and they touchingly treated all the informal workers with a box full of bananas, and we were greeted farewell with grateful ululation!

#4. Shaykha Rita added that when we observed our Shaykh Taner, all his actions were intentional and based on connection. We can learn from this and make Rabita to Shaykh Taner and look for external confirmation through Anne, especially for our important decisions in life. Through them, we aim to keep looking and listening for what Allah wants us to do each time!

Shaykh Taner was really a hard worker because even in his rest, he was engaging in spiritual work! He is likely working harder in the next life. In his worldly life, even if he wasn't talking about Allah, he was entertaining us with his conversations and putting us at ease and giving us opportunities to appreciate Allah through traveling, walking, contemplation, and even cooking. Shukran Ya Allah (Divine gratitude) for the privilege!

#5. Finally, Shaykha Rita said that Insha'Allah, we can continue to be a habitat of Allah's love, mercy, and forgiveness. We will likely miss the endearing language of Shaykh Taner, where one was called a dummy for making a mistake. However, he was immensely proud of us for wanting a personal relationship with Allah, and he was so happy not to be alone in this mission. We collectively don't just want to serve Allah, but refreshingly enjoy Him too!

This was our last Saturday Sohbet before our Anne disembarked from their US home, across to our multinational hearts, as a sole worldly representative of our Pirs - including our beloved Shaykh Taner. Allah bless his quirky soul and grant Anne safe travels to our hearts:

Ya Muhaymin Ya Hafiz Ya Salaam

[tasmiq]

Postcards from Past Lives: Part 1 of 3

I was born in Iran in 1983, and soon after, it was a politically unstable time with neighbouring Iraq. So my early memories was me being carried by Ammu and hiding when there were warning sounds of bombs. I would pee in my pants during this time, wondering whether Abbu would come home alive. Other than that period, I have happy memories of Iran. We lived in Arak and that was located relatively close to the capital city, Tehran. It snowed in Arak, my parents exclaim virtually six months each year.

So I remember we lived in a house opposite a clinic that my parents ran. At the centre of both buildings was a giant apple tree. I remember the tree distinctly because I had once found an apple that had fallen onto the ground, and I innocently took a bite, only to be horrified to discover a worm that came out of the apple. There began my antipathy for worms for the rest of my life.

We had a beautiful garden but I was always terrified of Abbu's dog named Shanthi, so was home bound. If I wanted to get Ammu's attention, I would wail by the window to get someone's attention to alert her. I remember feeling utterly homesick because I was home bound. I would just crash my tricycle into the wall out of pure boredom.

I remember when I burnt the back of my right hand on an iron that Ammu or someone had left to cool after ironing a garment on the edge of the double bed, warning me stay away. Despite that, I remember laying at the edge of the bed, saying to myself excitedly, "Abbu is buying me a bike this big" with outstretched arms until my right hand knocked the iron that was cooling. I had a massive burn on it but because I was too scared to tell Abbu and Ammu, I fell asleep next to Ammu watching one of her favourite movies, and then she noticed. I still have that burn mark on my hand.

I remember we travelled a lot in Iran and my mother's brother, Milton Mama, born after her also lived there. I remember my cousin Mouri, when Mami would comb her hair, it's when she was in her potty so she couldn't move. I just remember being thoroughly amused. I also remember we would meet other Bengalis in Arak, we would rent a place and all sleep on mattresses. It would be such a grand affair!

When we left Iran for Bangladesh, I was thrilled that I would be reunited with Bhaiya (my brother) who left Iran when he was smaller to get him better access to education. During this time, Abbu was in Denmark. I just have a vision of sitting in the back seat of our car and this lady who was fond of us and who worked with my parents, looking with tears in her eyes about to say goodbye. I was too excited to be sad.

[tasmiq]

Postcards from Past Lives: Part 3 of 3

When we first arrived at the international airport in Harare, the capital city of Zimbabwe, I was utterly fascinated by the first African person I ever laid my eyes on. We then travelled to Masvingo where my parents were based. I was fluent in Farsi in Iran, then I sadly forgot it all and became fluent in Bengali and then in Zimbabwe, I first learnt English and then a bit of Shona. The only Shona I remember is: zita rangu ndiTasmi (unoriginally, my name is Tasmi), Mangwanani, Masikati, Maseru (Good; Morning, Afternoon, Evening) and ndlovu (an elephant) which is the same in isiZulu, which I learnt a little of in South Africa. I recall sharing a room with Bhaiya initially because I was too scared to have my own room, and at night he taught me to say "I'm sorry, I don't know how to speak English". This worked until my fellow classmates would implore how I could say that, if I didn't know how to speak English which always ended me being in a puddle of tears! 

I recall that I would take a slab of self cut bread that I would layer margarine and jam on, as my school lunch. The other kids would love my lunch during break and offer to swap their sandwiches. One such instance, someone offered their ham sandwich. I took it happily but when I went home, I asked Ammu what that is? She said it's pig meat, why am I asking she inquired?!  I was so shocked because pig meat isn't permitted in Islam, I just fibbed that I learnt a new word in English!  In Zimbabwe I excelled at swimming and in Primary School, unlike Bangladesh. I remember being one of the few non-Africans except for a coloured girl sometime later, because I have a mental image of a class photo with me at the centre, seated on a chair being their token non-African!  I just looked shyly onto the camera.  It's also when my teenage hormones were about to blossom. I remember first having a crush on Unique who was a classmate, and then an even bigger crush on my friend Shilpa's brother, Benny. I couldn't dare talk directly to either of them!

I fondly remember Bindu Didi and her younger sister, Mini Didi whose proper name is Neha, that lived close to us. They gave us tuition and we adored them! My childhood memories were made complete by Sarah and Kolly, sisters and avid dog lovers! I also remember our two dogs, Lully (she had red fur and red in Bengali is lull) who we acquired first, then Shanthi (named after our dog in Iran). I recall when they would get hormonal and Shanthi would mount Lully, I would be disgusted and push Shanthi off until he didn't take too kindly to it!  I sadly recollect our first dog who Sarah and Kolly’s dad mistakenly drove over at our house. Abbu was so distraught, he even wrote a poem about that pup, like father like daughter - now that I think about it!  I just remember how much I loved playing at the two sisters’ house, we would act out story books that we had read. They made me as artistically inclined as I was later in life. I remember that both sisters would come to learn Arabic by Abbu, and I was the weakest, always ending in tears!

I recall having developed quite a big community in Masvingo and in Zimbabwe in general, so I dreaded leaving! Nouman Uncle, a young Pakistani doctor that I ended up resenting because he fussed when we were packing for South Africa and I was taking all my books; this couple with a big family, Uncle Ali with a particularly tall wife that I drew a cartoon sketch of because they humored me so much. I also fondly remember Ammu's best friend from Medical School, who was happily married in Harare, who we visited from time to time. They owned a rose plantation in a greenhouse and owned massive property which kept us busy. I remember other Bengalis we met in Zimbabwe as well as the Bengali commissioner and his family that we were very close to, particularly when they moved to South Africa as well.

When we lived in Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe the president, was everyone's hero but it was only later he started his strange antics. I recall being located close to Zimbabwe Ruins in Masvingo, and before we went to South Africa, we visited Victoria Falls and nearby Bulawayo.  We even crossed the border to Zambia!  In tradition with what we always did before leaving a country for another one.  I think because apartheid ended in South Africa, there was a demand for doctors in public hospitals and my parents seized the opportunity.  I was beginning to feel homeless because we always relocated. The only comfort I got from being in South Africa next, was that it was going through exciting political transition.  I just couldn't understand how a country could be ruled by a minority race and was excited to be able to witness and participate in its transformation!

[tasmiq]

The uphill climb to Entabeni

Initially I was at Entabeni (meaning the 'Mountain' in isiZulu) ICU, which I have no memory of! Shamim took me for a visit down memory lane when we went to take a blood test that Abbu (my father who is a skilled Doctor) asked for, to check my progress. Unfortunately, I remembered virtually zilch, when I was taken to ICU! I just gratefully looked onto these unfamiliar faces that gazed at me as if I was a miracle on wheels! Ammu told me that when I was in ICU, that many of the Bengalis who visited me were doctors and they always troubled the nurses with question after question. Eventually they learnt that my family can get my medical history printed from one place and they need not trouble the nurses as often.

Thereafter, Shamim and I went to Entabeni Rehab which I definitely remembered! I recall that I initially dreaded coming there after Lenmed Shifa because ready or not, I wanted to be home with my family! I thought I would be there forever and to make it worse, older patients kept reflecting that they were ready to go home because they felt they had been there too long. Gratefully, the feeling went away after a while...

I fondly remember the common eating room. I initially wondered whether they would mess up my halaal specification and although it arrived later, it always did! I happened to meet lots of people, that I grew close to over time. We did plenty of social things aside from eat meals together, although food was often what binded us! We celebrated Diwali, a year-end event and birthdays during my time there. My family and community especially, went large on my 35th birthday! Although I don't usually like my birthday to be over-celebrated, I loved having everyone close to me and Shamim.

I was placed with a relatively small number of patients initially, I recall two elderly women on either side of me. I remember the lady to my left always cracking everyone up with her comments, and the lady on my right I later learnt from her daughter, is an Artist! Later, younger people joined our room and I was always dauntingly, moved twice more.

I remember there being gyms in Entabeni Rehab which initially intimidated me but as soon as I learnt what some of the equipment was used for, I grew a tad bit accustomed to them. Both Shamim and I felt that my rehabilitation process was better in Lenmed Shifa but they didn't have the beds and gym that Entabeni had! I fondly remember my Occupational Therapist Erin, and especially my later Physiotherapist Jerome - who made me experience a bit of progress I actually couldn't deny! It sounds simple but it was one heck of a challenge for me. Jerome would make me have breakfast in the gym after hoisting me up on the side of a bed platform and initially supporting both hands with a small cushion underneath each elbow. I always ate less those days because I couldn't last long enough, which I obviously denied and I told myself I need to lose weight confirmed by our bi-weekly scale reading! Jerome eventually took the one cushion under my left hand away, much to my horror...but I actually managed!

My speech therapy sessions were mild compared to Lenmed Shifa but just as enjoyable! I remember that we felt that even though Lenmed Shifa is not as kitted as Entabeni, it accommodated Shamim and the rest of my family a lot more. They participated in my therapy visits - which I always welcomed. When it eventually, totally unexpectedly, dawned on us that I would have to go home, we felt that our house was unprepared and we had a lot to get ready. But gratefully, we managed the essential things in the nick of time!

[tasmiq]

Postcards from Past Lives: Part 2 of 3

My motherland is Bangladesh, if you haven't figured out already. It is one of the first countries that will be submerged, if global warming affects the world which is my dread. So before Bangladesh, I was in Iran. Only too merry to leave Iran behind because Bhaiya was in Bangladesh. I was so elated, I recall when we landed in Dhaka, we were just separated by a see-through glass, Bhaiya and us; I opened my vanity box and took out all these toys I kept inside, for Bhaiya to see.

We first stayed in Dhaka, and I have less memories of it because I always loved the less developed country side. In fact, Bangladesh is 70% rural and I particularly loved the Rickshaw Walas. I even remember once I was coming back from school and eating from a packet of chips while seated on a Rickshaw, I was approached by a beggar for money which I had none of, so I innocently offered my chips and the beggar was so touched but he refused. That and the fact that Abbu was a child of villagers got me to care deeply about social issues.

I have fond memories of my maternal home in Madaripur. So I remember we stayed in the extension of the main house. Horrifyingly, the toilet was based outside and I was too scared to go at night so I kept wetting my bed. I remember how much disdain I had for the Moulana who would come to teach Bhaiya and me to read Arabic in our scriptures, the same gentleman Bhaiya loved and excelled with, I would bunk from pretending I had diarrhoea. I distinctly remember when a father of a friend of ours passed away and they were Hindu and how pungent the smell of death was for my senses because he was cremated. I also recall celebrating Diwali with them.

I remember this tin vehicle that all of us children would take to school. I also recollect the kids in the vehicle giving me a hard time by calling me 'fatty boom boom' but I wasn't that big! I remember when they would announce our class positions publicly and I was unsurprisingly always at the end! I dreaded it!

I fondly remember when I learnt to swim with Abbu in Madaripur. I was clutching onto Abbu till the middle of the pond and then he suddenly but deliberately let me go, I was horrified but clearly I survived. I doggy paddled back to a landing. I sadly remember this domestic worker of ours who lived close to us with her little boy and I fondly gave one of my pair of sandles to him. Tragically it's the same sandal that he slipped with into the pond and drowned! I recall that we found the sandal floating above the water and his mother frantically swooping a long staff into the pond desperately looking for him. I just felt utterly guilty because he slipped wearing my sandals.

I almost lost my life in the very same pond, I slipped on the stairs and plummeted on the right hand side, I remember sinking and being under water, I was panicking about their being a snake nearby and somehow I managed to pull myself out! I was in such a state soaked from head to toe, I was even wearing winter clothes weighing me down. My late Monera Khala was cooking in the outdoor mud kichen and was so casual when she saw me. I didn't tell her what happened but I thought she would be able to tell by my state of shock. So what happened with the snake, was that someone found a snake's lair near where I fell, and they killed all these baby snakes, I just remember being horrified and watching a pile of twirled dead baby snakes.

I also remember how much I loved the village side where my paternal home was, in Koarag. I especially loved the moonlight which we, my younger cousins; Tamji and Tawhida, would play hopscotch under. I remember playing 'house house' with them and cooking a host of things in our made-up kitchen with a miniature mud stove. I recall how utterly frightened I was that I would fall through our outdoor village toilet, which were planks hoisted above a local pond with a door for privacy. Gratefully it got built up soon after. I fondly remember the Dheki we had at the village that we used to manually press our foot upon and it raised a wooden bar that had a structure attached at its end to crush things like rice.

These are my cherished memories of my motherland which are imprinted there. We next went to our first Afican destination, to Zimbabwe which I will relate next.

Above: Pictured are me and Bhaiya in Madaripur and after we came back to Bangladesh for a holiday from Zimbabwe. Ammu reminded me that Nanu remarked how dark I had gotten in Zimbabwe, I was so distraught!

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Khuthbah: 28 October 2022

The week's soul mirror were as follows, Ya Shakur for the deep reflections provided into our consciousness! Bismillah...

#1. Shaykh Nishaat first began the reflection on how easily we are waylaid by our nafs (ego) into choosing it, over what Allah wants of us. Again, our Sufi fixation on the nafs!

It is because when we look at our everyday lives, we rarely do what Allah wants of us. That is why I remain grateful for my opportunity to focus, while arrested with "disability" itself 😅 In fact I fear regaining "ability" as we also pray for everyday!

Ya Hadi Ya Haq Ya Latif

(Yearning Allah's guidance to the truth with ease)

Irrespective of my reality, we have to think about our relationships with the people around us, how much of it is based on our nafs? Sufism is hard because nobody wants to hear what is wrong with them! However, we have to focus on what we're doing wrong, to come right. Because spiritual work is heavy, we have to be fit and think about our nafs everyday!

#2. Shaykh Taner was on the roll with several heart messages where he proclaimed several truths...

We have the desire to avoid sinning but we cannot really do it due to our sly nafs. As personally experienced in my past where I willed for a good outcome to obvious and unfortunate mistakes.

When waiting on an answer on a certain matter, we have to remember that Allah answers in His own time. As my unsuccessful attempts at istikhara salaah (a prayer seeking Dvine counsel). You may in fact not get it because you are not ready for the answer or understanding.

Whereas the sprinkling flowers from the tree and the first ever spotted dolphins in the frequented beachfront were glaring spotlights on a blind spot shed on your Abbu and Ammu's love story.

https://muslim.sg/articles/how-to-pray-istikhara-step-by-step

#3. He added a mystical point too, that in our yearning to see and fully comprehend Allah in this world like Prophet Musa AS and the mountain. We live the mystery of the shape not being Allah but where the substance is! We must therefore assimilate truth according to our consciousness by thinking about who and where is Allah, and where we are.

The ability is in ourselves, where we maintain an independent brain as free minds where we can observe without judging, and give up our understanding of things. There is knowing with our eyes and the rest of our outer senses but Allah manifests in our inner senses as the spiritual heart.

As my late deepened connection to Sufism that has created a mysterious understanding and connection to the ineffable reality of Allah when I'm "disabled" and least connected to the world. It is but a point in my life, where I am able to "observe" Allah.

#4. In our biweekly Learning Circle designed to keep us aware of our growth process insha'Allah! Here your Rehbir Abbu blew my Sufi socks off with his simple inference to Islam being more than surrender. Instead to peaceful and loving surrender, beyond a begrudging or reluctant form of surrender. Our Sufi training is in fact to assume this disposition through adhab (prescribed Islamic etiquette). Taqwa is having Allah consciousness as a demeanour of loving surrender.

I remarked that it is a simply profound idea just as Shaykh Taner alluding to our observing loving discipline in following Allah's rules and regulations, which are ultimately for our own good. Suhana'Allah × infinity that we as students are gaining Shaykh Taner (our spiritual teacher's) loving gaze towards Allah.

#5. Is the final Sufi socks blowing venture entitled Living with Allah, steered by Rosie, yet another publication on the line. Here Shaykh Taner and Shaykha Muzeyyen declared they will continue disseminating their spiritual learnings till they are taken to Allah in the next life, Subhana'Allah!

What immediately stuck out was that Allah sees what we need in every moment in our growth and development in our earthly journey. I therefore believe our car accident was not a misfortune but a get out of jail card that imprisoned me to my former employ. Where I was a jet-setting researcher as a noble but misguided professional.

In addition, a much needed affirmation was that Allah is not simply watching from afar and is in every moment. Allah is always ready to forgive us when we sincerely repent.

This takes us to our Arabic Khuthbah, followed by much gratitude for Allah blessing and sustaining us with each other, to now.

Shukran Ya Allah 💚

[tasmiq]

Jumu'ah Khuthbah: 2 September 2022

Alhamdulillah for the awry transition of Winter that is plagued by Climate change, into Spring. Despite the perilous unknown, subhana'Allah for the sense of liberation experienced by your Ammu on the deck on her wheelchair, where she bathes in liquid sunshine! Here goes today's Khuthbah, bismillah...

#1. Just as your Abbu has been Forest bathing with the two of you, as trusty companions. Ammu has been Winter Sun bathing from the upstairs deck 😊 Ya Shakur for our little piece of organic heaven!

Here your Rehbir Abbu related the intersection between the Japanese practice of Shinrin-Yoku as Forest bathing, and the practice of the Sufi metaphysics concept of Wahdat Al-Wujud as experiencing the Unity of Existence, both enacting the science of connection to its Source. Both systems refer to other senses that ultimately empower your connection, proprioception in Forest Bathing, as rabita in Sufism. Ultimately science is showing us the truth of Al-Haqq. Ya Shakur as your Abbu rightly pointed out, that all our learning is being richly corroborated!

Here, Shaykh Taner mystically echoed a haqq the day before when he asked what is science? Haqq began when Allah proclaimed "Kun" / the "big bang" and science is a discovery of that "Kun". A reconnection felt both through Forest bathing and Wahdat Al-Wujud.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/travel/article/forest-bathing-nature-walk-health

#2. Shaykh Taner pointed to a glaring truth to our existence where we're always in the process of learning, implying that there's no end to it!

#3. As for 1 of our 7 names of Allah that we began with, in our Haqqiqa Madressa itself, Al-Haqq. In the truth, we have to learn to enjoy Allah in all circumstances because the shape is not Allah but what's in it - as haqq - Shaykh Taner mystically alluded. So it's not Ammu in a wheelchair, but the haqq she has been blessed to relate! Jazaka'Allah to your Abbu for his leadership acumen.

Seeing haqq is like cleaning up one's closet, where Allah looks at one's action as Islam. The different religions separate from each other but if we're representing Allah, there is no differentiation. Subhana'Allah!

Shaykh Taner continued that we are not haqq but are created with haqq. We have to learn courage to pick haqq against our upbringing because alone, we are just manifestations of Allah. Just as your Ammu was made to overcame her snooty ways, to finally connect meaningfully with our Tariqa's haqq. Our brains and hearts can help us to understand and observe how to become a mature human being that enacts haqq. Allah made everything with haqq, so our job is to separate with all that is not Allah, and return to haqq.

#4. Shaykha Muzeyyen beautifully concluded the heart stream by provocatively asking, do we know ourselves? She related a scienctific formula where "You - Nafs = Haqq". We were uniquely created as Khalifatullah / representatives of Allah. We go from Whole / Unity to pieces in humanity and through Sufism, we return from the pieces to that Unity.

#5. Shaykh Nishaat beautifully added to the enquiry of the truth / Al-Haqq by sharing a relevant piece of writing.

With the traditional 5 points, ends my job as haqq bearer, Ya Shakur! Now we move onto Abbu's Arabic Khuthbah, where we include our dua'a - for an equally rewarding work venture as last year in Stellenbosch.

Ya Muqtadir Ya Qadir Ya Nafi

Ya Ghalib Ya Azim

Ya Wadud Ya Salaam Ya Jami Ya Nafi

Ameen.