#look I'm not autistic but god i understand the feeling of not understanding humans

[emilibro]

Ughhh I'm so sorry to be an ass but I see so much popular art on tumblr and around the internet that really woobifies both Laios and Kabru and their relationship, especially when they're together.... You guys are aware that Laios eats monsters the way people would like. Eat animals, right? He's not crazy or stupid or sadistic or anything. He has a special interest and it's monsters.

Furthermore, his past having himself and his sister be shunned for their interests in the abnormal made him develop a distaste for humanity. Laios has just thought monsters were way cooler since he was a kid, and Falin really looked up for him for his dedication to his interests and personal code of moral ethics. He never loved his sister less for her abilities, he admired her for what made her different. Because he's fucking awesome and they're autistic as hell.... they both went through so damn much. Laios never fit into the military, into his hometown, he barely fit into most groups of adventurers since he met Marcille, chilchuck, and company, and two of the members of that original party didn't care enough to join him. His feeling of worthlessness to his friends in the beginning of the story are enough to make him imagine a whole scenario in between major chapters where he was the one who was eaten.. and he thought nobody except Falin would care enough to save him.

Point being Laios has a much richer character that goes ALONGSIDE his special interest in monsters. Which honestly is more comparable to, like. A fucking biologist. Not a monsterfucker, not a cannibal, none of that shit. Monsterfuckers are cool as a monsterfucker but he's not one.. he's more like a furry man.... And he's not stupid he's just. Autistic. Why are we making autistic characters with a silly side seem stupid? Everyone has dumb moments sure but like.. he's really smart guys... there's a reason he's such a good leader outside of his ability to listen to his party members. Don't fall for the mischaracterization of Laios that his party members originally set for him before major important arcs guys...

And Kabru. Oh my God. Kabru. Kabru is also autistic but for humans, social interactions and culture... he's a nerd for politics and the humanities, and I'll avoid saying much more to avoid spoilers for non-manga readers but you'll see more of that as time passes. But he's not the type to be easily flustered. Laios only gets to him, not even because he's that difficult to read, but because he catches him off guard. He's an interesting critter, bro. And Kabru definitely sees that. It takes time to respect that, but within a period of time he learns to see him as a relatively competent adventurer and places a lot of faith from him. On some level, this guy has learned to understand this very interesting autistic guy who is forward with his feelings that a very autistic Kabru hasn't learned to understand. That's what makes their relationship so cool, man. He's not cold in reality (though people may perceive him that way due to backstory motivations and attitude within the dungeon), but he's a lot more serious than this... c'mon guys.. let's be a little real here please.... at this point I barely like Labru anymore because they've been so like. Babied. Woobified. Whatever the word is man. I'm starting to appreciate their friendship more as a friendship now because I just think the beautiful qualities I saw in their romance have been sort of overlooked or misinterpreted. Nowadays I just think their platonic relationship is beautiful. Sighs.

Farcille is awesome though and these girls are awesome slay

-

Edit: hey guys, I wanna address a couple of things here! For one, this isn't intended to be ship hate. Labru is a perfectly valid ship - rather, I'm just not a fan of how deep the mischaracterization of both characters runs, and how it results in the subsequent babying of their relationship. While it's driven me personally away from the romance a bit, I have no problem with the ship itself. Additionally, Farcille has its own issues with woobification that could use some addressing, I just haven't had to see as much mischaracterization on my feeds. Maybe in a future post I'll address some of my personal peeves with many people's characterization of Farcille, ESPECIALLY Falin.

[carlyraejepsans]

UTY!Flowey, "lore" and how to criticize a fan prequel without being an insufferable pedantic, a guide by Biscia.

(for my muskless fellows, here's a transcript of my thread on Undertale Yellow that I posted on Twitter. enjoy!)

There's this really frustrating attitude in fan spaces i like to call "lorepilling" where people are substantially more concerned with encyclopedic knowledge of details & minutiae (so called "lore") in place of full-text thematic/narrative analysis as if the two are mutually interchangeable.

It's especially common in large franchises and story heavy videogames, and it's like... Are You Treating This Piece Of Art Like A Trivia Battle Or Are You Treating It Like A Story

This is coming from a person who is also deeply autistic about UTDR trivia btw, I'm just saying that when it comes to transformative *stories*, depending on the impact it has on character, themes, and narrative structure... lore is expendable.

Ultimately this is why most of the UTY criticism i see (on twitter specifically) falls flat. What does it matter if "lore" means Flowey couldn't chronologically be there when the justice human fell, as long as the game narratively justified his presence in the story in a compelling way?

The real criticism, in the end, is that it didn't.

He's a plot central, main cast character from the canon returning in a cast of mostly OCs and what does he have to show for it? An admittedly sick boss battle in 1/3 endings, sure but... not much else. He has no significant "presence" in the story, no tie, interaction, or even just... an opinion on the rest of the cast. Which is a huge miss when Flowey's meta role is to be Thee completionist player mirror. He's the OG lorepilled UT fan! He's an opinionated little shit!

This isn't to say that UTY *didn't* engage w/ his metanarrative. When me and @a-town-called-hometown first started playing the game (we were both skeptical of Flowey's inclusion), he immediately said "It would be really cool if they made it so this has been going on for a while and Clover has no idea". Which is precisely what the game did in the neutral ending, and what I will openly say was the most well written & well executed part of this game's story...

...a part we almost didn't see, because the pacifist ending disappointed us so much we lost all will to replay.

To put it in the words of my friend Mel @clowwwnbytes, there's a deafening hollowness to UTY Flowey's motivations & core principles where his guilt towards Chara—and resulting black and white thinking—should be. You're telling me Mr Kill-or-be-killed, "sacrificing yourself to do the right thing is stupid", would stand there after 1000s of failed attempts to make Clover survive, look on as they make the same mistake Asriel he did, and fondly call them friend? Cue the guitar, roll the credits?

He would lose it. Oh my god he would lose his goddamn mind, he would throw the nastiest temper tantrum in the world. Are you serious? How dare you. How DARE you. All this effort, all my patience, and you just let yourself DIE for a few worthless idiots? I should've let you ROT!

*clears throat* sorry got a bit too into character. as i was saying.

I can understand a UT prequel wanting to distance itself from the canon Chara storyline in order to form its own identity, but then turning around and choosing Insane About Chara The Character™ for a sidekick is... far from optimal. In the end, Flowey comes across as underutilized and inconsistent, with a whole lot of wasted potential.

This is an issue I have with UTY's character writing (original AND returning) and story structure as a whole. Lots of inconsistent character arcs, tonal dissonance, overuse of situational sadness... it's an amateurish work, after all, and you can feel it. There's no shame in that.

(Though, there ARE some issues that i take more seriously with its writing, especially when it comes to its two main female characters—Ceroba's lack of narrative agency and depth borders on misogynistic writing imo. But that's a topic for another day)

Over all, UTY was an incredible piece of collaborative transformative work, with gorgeous art and a genuinely incredible OST, which... would have benefited from more experienced writers. But hey, you can only ever learn by trying!

For all it could've been a better story, it certainly did not fail to entertain: both when my friend was playing it, and after in our many discussions of its writing, its faults and how it could've been improved (royal scientist!ceroba character fix you will always be famous. to ME!)

I'm sure this project served as an incredible source of experience for the developers: as individual creators AND as a team. I look forward to their future projects!

but also if i have to see another person say UTY is better than Undertale i might turn into The Jonker.

end of the essay! really couldn't stand any of the pedantic ""criticism"" I'd seen of this fangame so far, so i had to say my piece as someone more versed in analysis. happy to elaborate on anything in the replies or in my inbox!

[chromatoghosts]

okay i talked about some of this on cohost. but i feel like it needs to be shared here, because here is where i experience some of the most of it.

it feels like most abled people only ever see neurodivergent people either as a tragedy, or a joke. except, we all know about being treated as a tragedy. plenty of people discuss that. but it feels like we rarely talk about how on a large scale, neurodivergent people have always been treated as a joke.

growing up, it was "autistic screeching REEEEEE" and the r-slur and "what are you, some sorta psycho" and "i'm so ocd/adhd" and mocking autistic people's stims. and just the entire existence of autism at all as being something inherently ridiculous and to be mocked and joked about. and almost EVERYONE online did it. when i was a kid, i couldn't look up my own conditions without seeing nothing but either people treating it like it was the worst, most horrible thing on earth, or people treating it like people who had it were ultimately one big joke. the only place you EVER saw positivity was in the sparse few communities made for and by people with the conditions.

but back then, the neurodivergent movement was underground. nobody really knew about it if you weren't actually neurodivergent yourself and involved in a few small close-knit communities. but then in the past few years, that's started to change. i think it was around 2020-ish that i started noticing people started to, well, notice us. while we're still far off from everyone in general being aware of our existence, we've slowly started to become mainstream. now canonically autistic characters are starting to appear in media, and people actually noticed when sia released her god-awful movie and criticized it.

but even so, neurodivergency never stopped being treated as a joke. some people realized that their previous jokes were harmful, and it seemed like we were finally making progress. but as a side-effect of neurodivergency becoming more well-known in the public eye, things started to change, and not necessarily for the better. suddenly, the concept of "neurodivergency" itself became a joke.

and now it feels like the label that was so important to the community, which we were so proud of, which felt so liberating, is a joke again. you can't say "neurodivergent" without people saying you're making up oppression for attention, and saying you're overreacting, and saying that godawful "neurodivergent and a minor" phrase. and i understand that some of it is because of people having tryied to excuse shitty behavior off of their mental disabilities/illnesses. and yeah that's awful, and neurodivergency should never be an excuse for bad behavior. but now people are turning one of our biggest points of pride, which we worked so hard on, into something to be ashamed of. not to mention shit like "delulu" and "restarted" and "narcissist" and "acoustic' and "i am in your walls".

and the recent trend that ableism is made up or being overexaggerated, which i've been seeing online recently, just makes my blood boil. i can't go outside without being stared at or treated like a child or mocked. we don't have the basic human rights to immigrate or marry or get a job, and many of us don't have any autonomy at all. countless of us die every day because nobody cares enough about us or believes us. hate crimes and police violence against the mentally disabled and mentally ill is still a huge thing. and it is still legal to physically and psychologically and emotionally abuse us, and in many places kill us. but people act like we're all making this up for attention. it's a type of discrimination and oppression so that is so sheerly widespread and all-consuming, but yet it's so invisible.

i mean of course people have never believed us about our experiences and the sheer amount of ableism we face. that's not new. but i guess just what makes it hurt so worse now is that people now realize the neurodivergent community exist, and people who we used to think are allies are turning against us and mocking us. someone makes fun of neurodivergent people, you try to say "hey don't do that", and now everyone is dogpiling you and saying you're "pissing on the poor" and "proving their point." we can't criticize albeism from others online now without being told we're overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. and i see people who i thought were allies reblogging and laughing about this kinda stuff. and it just really feels like it's hard to trust abled people. it feels like every time i think i can trust a neurotypical person, they turn on us. and sometimes i just feel like cutting off any neurotypical people altogether, even though i know realistically there are some good allies out there. it just feels like there are so few

idk just feels bad man. we really can't catch a break can we

[harukapologist]

rambling about Haruka

As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.

Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.

I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka

Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.

The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.

Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.

That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.

All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.

As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.

It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.

I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?

When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.

[cult-of-the-eye]

Ok I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna make the new hyperfixation post:

CRIMINAL MINDS:

I started watching it cause I was on the internet during the Dr Reid thirst trap era and let's just say a scrawny motherfucker with autism is the surefire way to get me to watch something

Especially when everyone is going through the horrors

I am in love with the format of the show, with the whole quotes and then different characters saying the quotes and the isolated cases with the slight hints of more background for each of the characters it's really keeping me going

I'm not great with gore and shit but like it's got shitty 2000s CGI so like it's easy to tell myself it's just actors with fake blood

Also listen I had to tap into my 9 yr old undiagnosed autistic obsessed with psychopaths phase at some point

It just tickles the right parts of my brain

Anyway the characters are why I stuck around

Gideon <3333 I love that strange walrus looking man I love how he's simultaneously such an emotional rock for everyone in the BAU but also dealing with his own things, he goes into each of the crimes with such calmness and compassion and I just love that weird old man especially when he introduced himself as Jason to the little girl he was saving in that one episode, i was like HE'S MAKING HIMSELF SEEM LIKE LESS OF A THREAT BY INTRODUCING HIMSELF WITH HIS FIRST NAMEEEE, HE'S TRYING TO PUT HER AT EASE

Hotch oh man it was one scene specifically that literally started my brainrot for this guy, I wasn't that into him in the first couple of episodes and then it was revealed that he was horrifically abused by his dad and actively chose to go into a pathway that would catch people like that and people who get abused and then go on to abuse others and I just. AH. i am such a sucker for any character who has endured things that no one ever should endure at the hands of another human being and then instead of becoming completely bitter and taking the eye for an eye mindset, they vow to make sure the cycle stops with them and they may not be all sunshine and daisies and instead rough a lot of the times but they do it and they do it realistically

He's got a wife and a kid!!! He did it!! He made a better life for himself and it makes me feel like I could too, he's so strong and I feel like my strength can one day be used for more than just survival

Elle!!!! God I love her I feel like she's so realistic for a woman in her field, she's smart and strong and capable and she acknowledges all the things she has going against her, she's compassionate to the female rape victims, she gets furious at the people targeting women in particular what i would do to be this woman's friend

Reid. Oh lord. Listen I'm not on the thirst trap train but I do understand the love for this guy. My love for him however stems from the autism. The whole wanting to be useful and only knowing how to through interests and hyperfixations and feeling like he's missing out on some things cause he's different

It was the hostage situation on the train that got to me he was just so REAL and it's so awesome to see autistic people succeed in stuff like this

It's also nice to see him accepted by the team for who he is

I do also like him cause he's cool but it's easier to explain the autism stuff

Garcia - wonderful amazing spectacular I love me a confident woman in stem

Morgan - i like how he's sort of the "cool guy" archetype but his whole thing is getting into the mind of the UnSub I feel like it gives him more depth

JJ - god she's so cool and calm under pressure I love her

So yeah. The BAU is my new comfort character crew I'm taking Elle with me everywhere

But also do I have major issues with the idea of behavioural analysis in crime? Absolutely. It is so insanely subjective the way they're going off of probability, the way their precedent probably lacks temporal validity and also population validity with both the androcentrism and ethnocentrism it does feel wrong to be coming to such a conclusion about the UnSub so quickly and decisively, even though I understand their whole thing is getting there quickly. I just know that categorising human behaviour is never as simple as it seems.

Do I think they tackle some of these issues in the show? Sort of. Am I also aware this is a fictional drama TV show and it may not be that deep? Yes.

Anyway

[the-s1lly-corner]

spot that meets a autistic reader, that is talkative to themselves, but has poor social skills because (lack of good parenting + bullys, but is very smart and loves art and engineering, and dreams to be a scientist one day.. it could began as the reader first feared him over an awkward moment? to opening up about themselves and the reader's obsessive fascination over him. two very talented ppl that only wants to be appreciated, respected and loved...💔

idk is it to much?? bruh I'm trying to be creative😭 I'd be happy with whatever happens!. aNd TaKe yO tiME!! On irl things and beloved spotty <3

Spot w/ an autistic reader!

Rubs my autistic little hands

Feeling a lil drowsy but I wanna chuck this out before I fall asleep for (possibly) the next 7 hours :3

Not proof read we die like Peter Parker <\\3 we are sleepy and tumblr wont let me save drafts for asks <\3

Obligatory "I like this character so I'm hcing him to be ND like me" touch

He gets it

Anyways

I think to help make the whole thing less jarring, or whatever, is that you may have known each other vaguely before the collider incident

You weren't a scientist at alchemax, more like.

Well shoot I just forgot the term but like, you work there, but you dont do hands on experiments, not experienced enough yet

Intern?

Maybe, idk

Obviously you don't work there anymore after the collider blowing up, so... you're looking for a new job

You knew about Jonathan, but you weren't friends

You had also heard rumors about what happened to him but you kinda dismissed it as cruel rumors surrounding his death.. I mean no one could've survived that explosion.. right?

So imagine your surprise when you end up almost getting robbed by spot

Can you blame him? He hasnt found another job since the accident and hes probably living off of pity handouts; likely homeless

Now hand over the wallet!!/j

No but on the semi likely chance that you manage to defuse the situation, given Spot sucks as a criminal, you just bluntly ask if the whole

Rumor thing is true

I mean obviously it is but confirmation is important

After a few more chance encounters, you guys both finally decide to properly sit down and talk

Its tense and awkward at first since 1. How does one even act around someone like spot? He's vulnerable but also trying to do the whole. Revenge thing... And 2. Hes desperate for human interaction and it SHOWS, it's almost uncomfortable actually

But you both trudge past it and make it work

One meet up turns into two then three; then you discover how much hes struggling and

Now you're roomates

Oh my god they were roommates/ref

Anyways, that's the set up!! It kinda felt wrong to just. Jump into it without some explanation on how yall end up in the same area consistently

Doesnt mind that you mumble to yourself, he probably does the same thing. From muttering things to keep his train of thought to having a personal monologue, I wholeheartedly believe he does the same thing

Hs understands how it feels to be. Not treated very good, he likely wasnt the most respected in alchemax so it's not uncommon for the two of you to have vent sessions where you both let it all out

You ask him about his journey to becoming a scientist and not so subtly ask for advice on how to get into the field; and touching onto the whole human interaction thing, hes more than willing to talk your ear off about his entire career history

On the chance you dont want to do physics stuff, and you wanna do another branch of science he's all ears on listening to you ramble, may even lend a hand in getting you to where you need to be career wise

Yall do at home experiments as bonding stuff

Look if spot can make a mini collider in some building then I can only imagine the type of shit yall get up to at home

Oh? You're still curious about.. him? Of all things, him?

He never thought anyone would look at him with interest; usually its disgust or fear, or both

Hes hesitant at first because what if you discover something that'll totally change your view of him?

Takes (some, a little) coaxing

Bro caves fast, he misses physical touch

"So like, these holes-" you proceed to just. Dip your entire fist into a hole and watch said fist pop out from another hole

The demons are telling me to make reader like

Make it a game to try to throw stuff through his holes but I feel like that would be really mean, no one likes stuff getting thrown at them

Please dont throw stuff through his holes :(

Random but like

Idk if this happens with yall but

If someone stims do yall. Like stim back

Like I have vocal stims and mess with my hands; and sometimes my friend will be prompted to stim if I stim??

Idk but yall do that

OHOH before I post this if you're both comfy with physical touch please please please hold him, it's been so so long since someone has hugged him and he really really needs it :(

[pulsar-ray]

i'm so tired of the popular autism influencers being all lsn i'm so tired of autism acceptance only being geared towards level 1s i cannot stand any of it but it's everywhere.

you're forgetting us & you're making us 'freaks' that you can forget about because we're too disabled & therefore not human to you. you act like you're the only autism experience ever as if you're even the ones who would've been institutionalized or killed for being too disabled 100 years ago. you can live independently. you can act normal in public. you weren't constantly called the r slur when you were 5 feet away because they don't view you as a person who can understand.

& you just take m/hsn experiences & start using our words for yourself "going nonverbal" "autism level up" "i'm catatonic" because you don't care enough to research & understand the community you COME FROM & god forbid you start calling yourself the r slur because "i'm autistic so i can reclaim it!" while you can't even acknowledge the existence of people with id.

acting like whatever you're doing is the end all be all & whoever doesn't fit in one of your boxes isn't really autistic they're just playing it up or they have something else going on. oh you can't take care of your basic needs? try harder. you can't? you're lazy you just want to look autistic but autism doesn't have a look :)

it's not everyone but god it feels like every single time we're even acknowledged in the 'autism community' it's a friend who's a character who we're using as a teaching moment & not a person who is also autistic & deserves to be heard. i just want to be a person & not a pity.

[aachria]

hi pookes, sorry I haven't sent in an ask in a hot minute, I know, you missed me no need to cry [smug/j]. you wouldnt BELIEVE half the things that have happened to me.

for some reason I had a dream that we were friends because you joined a server I was in and you held a poll for who to me your best friend and all my friends voted me..... this may be a sign-

THEN MY PIECE OF SHIT GAMER BROTHER WONT BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IF GOD CAME DOWN AND SMITES HIM! I reorganized my room, got a bed frame, no not a new one, I got a bed frame, my mattress was on the floor before. it was really comfortable, my bed frame creaks every time I fucking move and my autistic ass cant handle that so I broke down crying at night for two days straight. not even half the insane shit that has happened but anyway I gotta move on. Leon d coin, the only thing I think of and how I imagine he looks like is Leon kuwata from thh, sorry not sorry. the lore is intensifying so you know I'm getting ready to theorise! :p

i have nothing rn, but once I get my life back on track I'll get to theorising. I should probably update the TV tropes page, I made that like half asleep back when you were still at likeeee what? in the 70-80 chapter mark? maybe even 60's, I know I started binge reading this when you were at like chapter 54 or smth. kinda late into it but still pretty early ig.

quick question, what YouTubers do you tend to watch a lot? random question but I'm curious I feel like you'd like kwite. my top 5 are probably, Markiplier, kwite, caseoh, tommyinnit, and jschlatt (I know I'm basic) later skibidi rizzler (I died saying that)

Sorry babydoll as it is currently one of my best friend's bday I cannot in good conscience add another to the roster 😔

My bedframe is also terribly loud and makes me want to cry, I understand pookie. It's the little things that getcha.

I cannot BELIEVE I had healed enough to have to google who that was and not I'm going to manually wipe my memory again so moving swiftly along.

UPDATE THE TV TROPES PAGE AND MY LIFE IS YOURS—

Honestly I don't really watch particular Youtubers, mostly I just watch video essays and retrospectives while I eat. Never call me skibidi rizzler again.

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Hello, I hope this is okay for me to send. I'm one of the blogs you blocked. (First off, this is your good right, and I completely understand and I hope this isn't a breach or invasion of privacy to send this from a different blog)

I always made sure to only tag content of Nolanverse Crane when it's really him and not any other Cillian role because I understand the frustration. And like I said, I absolutely understand that he's not a proper Scarecrow in your eyes. But it kind of hurts to get lumped into a group where I don't feel like I belong (if that makes sense)

Scarecrow in general is my favorite character in any comic related media. Arkhamverse Crane and Audio Adventures are at the top for me, and I also have a deep love for Fear State and little fan interpretations where he's just a funky little freak. My blog is Nolanverse centric atm because I just haven't gotten around to writing fics for the others. (And I'm worried I won't write them well tbh)

But all of that aside, my reason for actually sending this was because I was genuinely missing your posts and opinions on my dash. I was honestly a little worried that I didn't see anything from you before I realized what happened.

This isn't me being angry or petty and please don't think I feel entitled to seeing your posts (I don't want to be THAT person)

I guess this is just me saying goodbye to a pillar of the Scarecrow fandom, and it makes me a little sad

From the bottom of my heart, I hope your mom's recovery goes well and you have a great rest of the day/week/month. And a happy early birthday, Moffy

(ALSO SORRY FOR THIS ESSAY OMG)

A couple of things </3

I THINK I knew who this is. I blocked one person after I made that post. Looking back, that was probably a stupid mistake. I'mma unblock to check when I post this, and you let me know? (I was thinking....oh god I'm gonna get hate from the fangirls and taht legit clouded my judgement. I still fear anon hate)

See, that post was mainly about people I blocked weeks/months ago. I often only block the fangirls, for lack of a better word. I actually made the Cillian post on a whim. I needed some content for the day. (you probably know I upload daily) And sometimes, a little anger is okay. it's a valid emotion. Again, the people I block are more fans of the actor than the character. My main complaint was seeing Cillian stuff, which was not from the movies, in the tag. It just sorta....clogs it up?

Anyway, I can clearly see you're not one of them. If some reason , within the next ten minutes, you're still blocked. Send me the url. I am human. I understand. Mistakes and stupid shit happens. (especially with all I am dealing with irl) (I've been so stressed I think it clouds my brain)

You clearly love the character behind the actor, and I respect that. I think you may have been following me, cus my count went down after I blocked ya. So yeah, I did think that was WEIRD.

I'm sorry if you felt lumped it, it was just an error on my part. I hope you can forgive that.

and ya know, just because I'm not a fan of nolancrane, doesn't mean it's bad. I should reiterate, it brought so many into the fandom. That's great! I still reblog fan content of him. I suppose, the truth of the matter is my autistic brain doesn't do "live action" -- I can't think of one human who could play Jonathan Crane to my expectations. Voice actors yes, Dino Andrade forever lmao

But I just...live of art/comic/animation/games

and anything else feels uncanny. Like now. I dont imagine Crane as a real person. I have no image inside my head unless it's a comic illustration or game render. I Hoooope that makes sense

[halinski]

Another thought for when you're awake but: in 1x04 when Derek has wolfsbane poisoning and it's portrayed EXACTLY the same as sensory overload is always portrayed and I think that's when the possibility of Stiles becoming his anchor was first seeded, like his brain latched onto him like "this one = safe" "this one will do anything for you, even cut your arm off if you only ask him". JUST. THESE TWO.

!!!

i just keep thinking in general werewolves = a lot like neurodivergents or autistics, bc spd is a lot like the heightened senses. I related to that soooooo much back when i watched in my teens without even realizing how much the spd impactdd me and what it was exactly. Just like, whenever they were distracted by sounds, bc they hear everything at once, pencils scratching and everyone's conversations at once, even someone talking outside, and then theschool bell is so shrill it fucking HURTS

or when you're having a meltdown and the only way to make it through is to resort to pain to somehow manage it, bc you're already in mental agony

the werewolfness is such a natural part of you, just like autism, and it allows Derek and the wolves to connect to the world in such an innate way like you said. It's without words, without a concrete human way to explain it, and that's what it feels like autistically when you non-verbally experience the world and you don't catergorize or see the world in human structures or classifcations but rather auras (a word i believe they later used in the show) where everything has a sense attached to it and you exeprience it in some other way and i believe i'm the one not making sense rn bc i just can't find the words for these things - it's just soemthing to FEEL

and i think thats what it was with stiles and derek

that's why they didnt need words

that's why we sterek shippers never needed words to understand them

why we watched them look at each other and went

THAT! THAT RIGHT THERE

because it's an understanding between words. An understanding as if between two creatures with hackled raised, wounded, who realize they're fighting a common enemy, and sharea vommon language

and that language can just be by gaze alone, and somehow snark, biting tongues and rough edges

and if Derek can be his stoic soirwolf self with his biting sarcasm and heal himself and Stiles goes from "this will cause me nightmares" (about to cutt off his arm) to "that was awesome!!" (after watching the bullet wound heal)-- well Derek knows he doesn't have to hide his rough edges from him. He doesn't have to his the black bile and blood and pain, or the way he can't force smiles or be a functioning member of society for Stiles to consider him worth saving and fighting for. Stiles cares anyway. Stiles will fight for him anyway. Stiles understands

and god does that fucking matter

bc who else stands up for derek after laura dies?

Over and over again

*insert elevator gif where stiles is saving derek with derek looking vulnerable*

and cue the soft lighting

and how we get super soft lighting every time stiles is there to save derek

ESPECIALLY in the scene where Stiles saves Derek in his "daydream" when Kate comes back and shoots derek in the chest

[diseaseriddencube]

cutthroat has the 'tism headcanons

"uwu Rae isn't it kinda gross to give the serial killer character autism headcanons like isn't that villainizin-" shut up, i'm autistic, i would kill people too, murder is sexy and autistic and-

he fidgets, like, you can see him playing with his knifeys when he's got nothing else to do, and swinging his leggys when he sits

he's kind of a weirdo, like very much a weirdo, in the sense that he probably thinks he's pretty normal and just doesn't realize he's acting like a bit of a weirdo

special interest: murder, red things (i know he doesn't talk much actually but i'm sure you could get him talking like crazy if you asked him about why he likes red things) (and you know what, this is a more personal hc, but he had a previous SpIn in magic)

weird fucking posture, this is a stage play thing but if he doesn't have to stand, he likes to crouch (L vibes tbh)

actually another stage play thing which is basically fidgeting but i mean just LOOK at this movement, this is such a happy stim

are we even gonna mention that he's probably a picky eater, i understand narratively that their food choices were to show off character traits, but he's presumably been unfed in days and he chooses marshmallows of all things. he mentions liking his marshmallows to look a certain way as well (we're gonna ignore the cannibalism aspect <3)

his emotions seem pretty intense and sensitive, but he actually has a flat affect most of the time

he seems kind of socially inept, i know swindler is a special case but there's almost no consideration to what she says or what his actions/words would invoke in her, and he literally never talks to anyone else

^adding to this, he has no concept of personal space at all (though this may due to him thinking he literally owns her)

not to be infantilizing but I don't think we can ignore the obvious childish traits coded into his character (commonly associated with autism)

he seems to get bored really easily, like he can't stand just sitting around waiting

he seems kinda stupid but he does think outside the box, as seen with him using his knives to break the barrier when 10000 IQ hacker had nothing to offer and swindler was...panicking -_-

he gets hyperfocused on a task and ignores literally any pain in order to continue that task

probably has low interoception??? like he hardly seems to notice pain, and if any character would complain about being hungry, it would be him...but he doesn't, so i get the feeling he may just Not Feel It

also you cannot tell me that a character who dresses like this, doesn't have some sort sensory preference. I assume his clothes are weighted (due to both layers and knives) and the looseness is his specific preference for comfort

^ and he wears fucking leggings under his shorts, which is literally something i do when i hate the feel of the shorts/pants, i put a layer of good texture leggings under

object empathy > human empathy: he's way more visibly distraught over a beloved object (knife) getting damaged than....hundreds of human lives (and yk what, he kinda views Swindler as an object too)

^ but really this is like the most no-empathy having motherfucker i've ever seen

cluelessness about normal social things like not knowing what dating is (....ignoring the actual obvious reason he wouldn't know what it is)

and TW but self harm and suicide are actually somewhat common in autism and i mean-.... kind of-confirmed cutter and manga-confirmed suicidal person

autistic people like stacking things, and well, we all know what he spent ages stacking >:)

inability to lie/extreme honesty: he literally doesn't even hide his desire to kill swindler he just straight up asks for permission, and his attempt at lying is...pathetic to say the least

his vocabulary also seems....limited

unusual sleeping habits: he sleeps in a bathtub for god's sake

echolalia: "red! red! red!"

[tenok]

The point (one of them) is that both Aziraphale and Crowley actually think they the smartest one in any given situation. And since I relate to Aziraphale much more today I get fixated on his brand of superiority. He starts his journey with rebellion from pretty tame "I don't get why they makes this desisions and it's look horrible on surface evel but I'm sure that they get best ineterests of everyone involved in their hearts and it's probably me the one that didn't get some oblivious detail" to "oh okay I'm sure it's some kind of misundestanding and we can all talk it out as adults because we there work on same goals" to frustrated "they won't ever listen to me and I will get in trouble for arguing and it will be better for everyone if I will make my desisions in secret and go behind their backs because I just can't let THEM make desisions that will destroy everything". It's not straightforward, I'm 30 and still circulate sometimes between "what if it's me the one that wrong aout everything" and "god HOW people can be THAT stupid", but I remember going throught this stages first as good and obedient kid with really stupid parents making stupid desisions and later with school, govermnet, activist spaces etc.

And the problem is, I was the smartest person in the room enough time to develop issues, and Aziraphale lives like his for 6000 years at least. I can only imagine how many times he thought "if only Starmaker listen to me and didn't Fall", "if only God listened to me and didn't make an Apocalypse happen", "if only Heavens listened to me and didn't did this or that that thing", "if only Crowley listen to me and understand in what kind of danger we can get", "if only that human listened to me and haven't dig the body", etc etc. It's awful, to be the one who always gets to say "I told you so", especially when there's such awful consequenses you can't even feel satisfaction, and you will be the one to clen this mess up (and Aziraphae will clean, or better try to prevent). Now, it's of course leads to issues. BIG issues.

1) It's really hard to stop being plotting and maciavellian and communicate things properly when you expect that person will at best argue with you, at worst punish you and double down on their stupid desisons and you will clean this mess up. It also really hard to stop trying to control everything because you already accepted that everything is your responsibility and everyone else would just make things worse. (as someone that relates to Aziraphale I think he did so much progress there, the levels or trust he shows Crowley are amazing for two beings that probably last time heard of psychotherapy when Freud was alive. but such trust is fragile thing, one misstep and you back on your "it will be better if I do everything alone" bullshit. I'm not saying it's good. I'm also not saying that it's bad. it's just how things work)

2) It makes you overstep other people authonomy, because, again, it would be better for everyone if they did what you think best for them. It works funny wih Aziraphale because yes he's all for free choices for humanity!! NOW GO AND DO SMART CHOICES DAMN YOU!!! WHY YOU DON'T PICK THE THING THAT WOULD BE SMART TO PICK I HATE YOU ALL. That's where me and Aziraphale difer a little because at least I somewhat good at stepping into other people shoes and understand why they do what they do. But angel there is autistic (or bad at this specific thing for other reasons), so I think when people he consider reasonable doesn't agree with him for their own reasons he ge's really baffled, like, there arE correct opinion and it's mine, WHY are you being difficult?? to spite me?? And I'm sure that half of the reason why Aziraphale's so comfortable with Crowley is that he perfectly happy to let him buly or manipulate him into doing things Aziraphale picks as right. Usually Crowley know where pick his battles and how to play long game to make Aziraphale agree for really important stuff he wants from him, but otherwise? Sure he will complain how he hates Hamlet but they will watch Hamlet, and Aziraphale will be very pleased with himself. (and than there goes final fifteen and we back at "but WHY won't ypu agree with thing I pick or us IT'S GOOD AND RESONABLE THING" and we should be happy that consent is something that imporant for our angel ok? he would be angry with Crowley for picking wrong but he won't make him do what he doesn't want. they respect each other like that.)

3) It makes you really really tired and tense. You control everything, unfortunately the longer you do it the more things starts really depedend on you, you can't let go, you don't know anyone that can share this burden with you because first they should prove that they won't blow his up and for this you should share at least something with them, but what is they would blow it up? Better be safe than sorry. And look when it's my problems it's credit cards and doctor appointmens and with Aziraphale we talk about people dying. Crowley dying. Now, as I said, he actually shows Crowley so. much. trust. for someone with such issues. Because Crowley was there for 6000 years, and he proved himself capable enough times. But still there's areas where let go and not worry would be impossible for Aziraphale, Crowley's safety being one of such things (you see, you can risk with your life when you deal with your problems because whatever you will clean shit up if needed, but if someone close to you hurt themself?? it's YOUR problem too but it will be SO MUCH HARDER to clean. I think when Aziraphale points to Crowley that hell would be harder on him than he can expect heavens to punish him, it's partially because he believes it's true and partially because he knows how to minimize harm when heavens angry with him but HOW can he do this for Crowley??). Anyway. Lol. The more I think about it the more I sure that Crowley without Aziraphale would be a miserable angry dick, and Aziraphale wihout Crowley would be dead, because it was the one person that kept him one tiny slip away from total burn out.

So yeah there's a lot of posts about how angry heartbroken etc Crowley will be with Aziraphale (I don't agree but that's for other post), less posts about how sad and heartbroken will be Aziraphale, but I hope to see Azyraphale being angry too (it they will be angry with each other at all). Not only for not picking him or leaving or making everything messy and emotional and wasting their first kiss at their fight etc, but also because Aziraphale was trusting him! Trusting that he get another resonable adult in team with him! Someone who he can trust to make resonable desisions and see his ideas as clever and him as capable and being willing to go to the end of the world with him with mild complaints and than!! When he did trust him to understand!! He was like everyone else!! Unresonable and emotional and angry with him and why he asked him at all he should've do it secretly and alone as always and it would've be as usual and it wouldn't hurt but it was Crowley that taught him to trust and to ask him for help!! Breaking his perfectly fine coping mechanisms!! It's all his faut if you think about it huh?? (but of course he's already forgiven. but also Aziraphale would do what he needs to do alone this time, as one and only capable adult in the world.)

Anyway it's not a meta it's just some late night thoughts. And it's in no way whole analizis there's so much more problems inside this angel. It's just something in particular that resonated with me today. Also it's not in any way critisizm of him, mind you, because a) he does really the smartest person in the room most of the time and b) I LOVE how fucked up in the head he is!!! I think he needs to become even more fucked up actually!!! and Crowley should love him for that and I will cheer for him from sidelines!!!

[wandaluvstacos]

it's weird to me to be both neurotypical and yet never feel like I can access this fundamental ability to foster human connection that seems easy for other people. like, I imagine maybe autistic people feel like this in a way, like there's some kind of secret knowledge everyone else has access to that you don't.

i just think it kinda sucks that I know I'm going to grow old without a support system and I just have to like, live with that? I want to connect with other people but I also don't want to. Every time I hang out with someone, I derive some benefit in feeling like "yes, I am supposed to be doing this because having friends is a good thing!" but there's no genuine excitement there. And I have a good enough time while I'm doing it but then I go right back home and think "I would rather be here by myself actually". If friends didn't occasionally reach out to me, to be honest, I don't think I'd reach out to them.

I think whatever personality quirks of mine are genetic, because my parents don't really have friends either. My siblings do. And I do, technically, but I guess I just lack this deep need/want for human companionship. I WANT to WANT it, that's where my desire lies. I understand the logistical nightmare of growing old alone, and practically I know I have to have support structures. But it's an intellectual desire more than an emotional one. Like, people on here will talk about touch starvation and I have no fucking clue what they're even talking about. I could go the rest of my life without being touched. It's not anything I even think about.

I think the worst part is that I've just never heard about this sort of thing. I'm always looking for some kind of word or identity that captures it so I can actually talk about it with someone else who gets it, but nothing matches-- not depression, not autism, not ADHD, not alexithymia, not even introversion. I just hate how shit feels so hard and draining and unless there's a visit from God in my future, I don't see it ever getting any easier or better. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being tired, and cut off from what I guess in most people is a fundamental drive for companionship. like lord, I just wanna know what it's like.

[is-jan-jan-is]

Best comics by publisher:

I am bored and autistic and gay and so I've compiled an objectively subjective list of the 'best' books from each publisher. You're welcome, America.

IDW-honestly the current Star Trek run is phenomenal and we all love TMNT but I gotta give it to Atomic Robo.

Scout-Metal Shark Bro is so good that it honestly skewed my expectations for the entire publisher. They truthfully have two solid lines and the rest is an odd marketing campaign. The Black Caravan stuff was fun, though.

Boom!-SIKTC is undeniably amazing and 'We Only Find Them When They're Dead' is objectively top tier but for me, it's all about Coda. The art, the writing, the straight dude getting dunked on by his orc paladin wife-perfection. The first issue of the continuation just dropped and reading it was like returning home.

Ahoy!-Penultiman is pretty good but I think 'The Wrong Earth' is clearly their best title.

Valiant-hear me out, hear me out. I've collected ALL of Valiant's reboot, 2012-present. Unfortunately I must report that peak Valiant is X-O Manowar: Retribution. 1993 was a good year for whacky sci-fi comics. There is a scene wherein Aric of Darcia proclaims:"he must be like those men who prefer other men. I do not understand these men; but damn, do they make the best wizards!" That's peak fiction.

Dark Horse-look Hellboy is great. It's so good that I almost gave it to Mike Mignolia just on merit and industry influence alone. Unfortunately, Jeff Lemire exists. Black Hammer is perfect in every way. MIND MGMT was a strong second.

Image-Astro City. The characters are deep, emotional beings. Their stories breathe in the most human way. Most other titles conflate grit with maturity while AC makes you feel without several arcs of trauma porn. Also, im happy to see creators who remember that comic books are the home of wackiness. Its a slice of life hero series-10/10. Also Alex Ross. This (image) was annoying to choose because-despite suffering the unforgivable scourge of Robert Kirkman- Image has so many other good titles. Bitch Planet, Savage Dragon and Spawn (obligatory, obvi), Rumble, Chew, Outer Darkness, Descender/Ascender, etc .. not to mention Radiant Black. I still want to give it to Saga. Due to all the confusion with inage/wildstorm/dc having some claim to Astro City I almost skipped it entirely which is a shame but, yeah-Astro City.

TKO Studios-honestly, I'm not sure that this company is still kickin'. They were a fun little experiment though, with several enjoyable titles. I can't say any of them really blew me away. But, if I had to pick a 'best' I'd give it to 'Sentient'. Jeff Lemire can do no wrong.

AWA-they're too new for a selection to have any real meaning but 'The Resistance' is pretty good. It's been a couple years and I hope they produce something else that's quality because E-Ratic was a pretty big let down.

D.C.-Crisis on Infinite Earths. It's a given. There is something to be said about the cultural impact of Crisis. Originally, 'crisis' stories were crossovers of varying stakes. The comic gods(Perez and Wolfman) changed the game with this one. Also,every Crisis story which follows was similarly silly and serious. The pseudo science wackiness and over the top theatrics gets me every time. No other comic company gets it right. D.C. has been getting progressively better and better these last couple years, especially now with the phenomenal 'Dawn of D.C.' stuff. But if I was stranded on an island and could only bring one D.C. title it would be Crisis. ('83 New Teen Titans is of course a strong second)

Oni Press- their Rick and Morty stuff was a guilty pleasure (because it's really quite good but that means I have to spend money on Rick and Morty) and 'The Sixth Gun' was well made. Regardless, their best title was clearly 'Pink Lemonade'. Its chaotic indie fun that doesn't make sense and doesn't have too.

Massive/Whatnot Inc: these guys are really new, started 2022 I think. Not really sold on them yet but one of their first titles, quested, was lots of fun. Pretty small selection so far but what they do have is quality. 'Best book' goes to Plot Holes. Not only did Sean Murphy give us the most tolerable Bruce Wayne, he also gave us this creative joyride. It's equal parts wacky and sincere and best of all, it's in the Murphy style. Even though its early on in the run it's one of those titles you look forward to. throughout the month.

Marvel-Marvel peaked in 1999 with Earth X. Don't get me wrong, I love a great deal of Marvel books. Al Ewing's Ultimates (NOT Bendis) was great. Personally, my favorite Avengers story was the Celestial Madonna saga of the sixties, but Waid's run was great(obvi) and Hickman's was too. Hickman's Xmen stuff...also happened. Cates and Jason aaron had good Thor runs. The first and last of Aaron's avenger arcs were great. Peter David's many 'Spider' runs were fun and Dan Slott sure does exist. The Sam Wilson cap runs were all phenomenal, especially the Symbol of Truth run-and Kelly Thompson's run on Carol was one of the best ever. Good Marvel books have been dwindling lately but Jed McKay's 'Avengers' is honestly one of the best books out there. Unfortunately, none of that good stuff comes close to Earth X. The prose, the thorough examination of human nature, the Alex Ross of it all. Earth X was an ode to Marvel lore which read better than most of Marvel history. 'Nuff said.

[lord-westley]

Hi, this is @hinox-headcanons, this is my main blog. I'm sending this in for my Revali matchup! Thanks so much btw ❤️

I'm biromantic asexual and autistic with adhd and a couple other chronic illnesses. I frequently need a lot of medical care because of them (I'm actually getting my blood drawn this morning 😰). I'm really short, only like 4' 10" (147 cm), with a thin but toned figure. I have long wavy brown hair that's usually either braided or up in a bun, and my style switches between masculine and feminine a lot.

I can be kinda excitable, but I'm also really smart and protective over my loved ones. I'm usually a little overprepared for anything, I'm good at giving advice and telling stories or jokes. I'm very emotionally intelligent and compassionate, I tend to downplay my own needs though. I struggle with self care and standing up for myself a lot. I have a tendency to laugh off disturbing things as a coping mechanism.

My hobbies include drawing, writing, baking and sewing, and I'm pretty good at all of them. I also like to dress up a little and look my best when the situation (and my illnesses) allow for it.

I think that's all for now! Sorry if this description is kinda long, I got excited 😓 I hope you have a great day hun, remember to drink lots of water. I can't wait to see what you come up with! 😊

Hi Friend! Thank you for your patience with me to complete this. I hope you have a great 2023.

I want to note I know little to nothing of Revali so I hope it’s okay despite being ooc 👉🏻👈🏻

If there is one thing I know for certain, is that Revali wants to protect and care for you

This particular bird constantly watches over you when he has the time (though he pretends he’s not)

He understands that you struggle with health problems and wants to constantly be there to help you through it but isn’t quite sure how

Humans are so much different than the Ritos. When he first began courting you, the first thing he did was hit up a library to educate himself on it

But now many months later, he takes pride in being your sole protector and caretaker whenever you need help

However despite wanting to wait for your silent permission to help, sometimes Revali will push forward even if you protest

He knows that you push aside your own feelings often which pisses him off so much

Like who the hell made you feel that way- that you feel the need to hide your pain and feelings absolutely willing to fight them

He’ll make you a hot drink that you enjoy, run a bath and even light incense to calm the air

And despite not being very verbal about his affection. Revali will reassure you that he will always be there for you. And that if you wish to talk, he’ll listen

Revali will sit by you, he will hold you tightly, he’ll do anything you ask him to as long as it means making you happy

Anyways, no more sad sappy stuff-

YOUR HEIGHT god he loves how small you are- holy heck he is 6’3, this bird towers over you

Because of how small you are, he constantly loses you in crowds which of course makes him worry and panic but once he finds you he pretends he isn’t lmao

Ritos have a strong sense of culture and taking care of their appearances, so once the two of you began courting Revali SO wanted to braid your hair (idk how considering he has wings but go with it)

He loves how different the texture of human hair is compared to feathers, but as gentle as he is- sometimes your hair gets tugged on

During those days, Revali tends to decorate your hair with clips and colorful feathers

Revali loves how excitable you can get, how your eyes light up with the biggest grin on your face

And when you tell stories, he can’t help but be absolutely enamored by you. The whole time, Revali gives his full attention to you and only you

If someone dares interrupt he gets so cranky and tells them off

Revali listens very well during your rambles- even if you think he isn’t. And you can always tell he was genuinely listening when new art supplies or fabric suddenly appear in your craft room

He isn’t very forward with love, more prefers casual and doing things without prompts. Meaning he loves to fly around finding items for your crafts, carefully placing them in a spot that he knows you’ll see immediately

Proudly displays your paintings around the home (with permission) and brags about how awesome and talented his s/o is to anyone nearby

Also!! Any clothing or jewelry you make for him, he will happily wear! Absolutely loves flaunting his new pretty accessories

All in all, Revali loves you with his entire being and will go to the ends of the world for you

[anxious-rainbow-creature]

interpreting "what was i made for?" by billie eilish from the barbie movie through the lens of an autistic person coming to terms with their identity

lemme first start with how when i heard this song i started fucking CRYING my eyes out because I felt so seen but not in the way that the song intended

like the song is very literal in the context of the film with barbie realizing she's a doll but wanting to be human

but the way I heard it was very different and I took some time to deconstruct why exactly it hit me so hard so heres my explanation of "what was i made for?" as an exploration of an autistic person finding out they're autistic and all the baggage that comes with that

I'm also gonna be speaking from my own perspective because I was diagnosed on the cusp of becoming an adult so this whole experience is VERY fresh for me

FROM THE TOP

"I used to float, now I just fall down"

you find out you're autistic after a long time of not being aware of how you were different. ignorance was bliss. you had no idea that other people saw through you and could identify that you were weird.

"I used to know, but I'm not sure now, What I was made for,"

you didnt have to question your identity, because you just were. you existed in the world just like everyone else. but now, you question what parts of you are autistic, and what parts of you are just you. are you entirely autistic? partially? is your personality just one massive autistic trait? what other autistic traits do you have that you're not aware of? so many questions.

"What was I made for?"

the penultimate question. if you're not neurotypical, what now? if I don't fit in here, where do I fit in?

"Taking a drive, I was an ideal"

you thought you were neurotypical. normal. the thing that the world was made for and what it caters to.

"Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real"

re-enforcing the very first lyric of how you didn't know you were different until you became aware of it. if you looked in the mirror, you thought you looked and acted just like your peers. but that reality was shattered when you look back at all your experiences with a new perspective. oh no, that one moment in 4th grade? oh my god, it was so obvious that you weren't neurotypical. and then there are more moments like that. and more. it suddenly starts making sense.

trying to tell other neurotypical people about your experiences leads to invalidation. "what? you're not autistic." "you're just attention seeking." "well, everyone's a little bit autistic."

"Just something you paid for"

this is everyone who saw right through you but still cared for you. they heard the comments being made about you behind your back. they felt the secondhand embarassment from you doing something odd. they spoke to the cashier for you when you were too scared. they made you food when you couldnt. they were the breadwinner when you couldnt work, couldnt get a job, or couldnt keep a job.

you acknowledge how much those people do for you, and you feel guilty. you feel like a burden on the people you love.

"What was I made for?"

as your awareness of yourself and your circumstances grows, the hope that you'll be able to fit in somewhere seems more far away than it used to. this world wasn't made for you, but surely someone will make room for you, right?

"'Cause I, I, I don't know how to feel"

when being diagnosed with autism, you experience a swirl of emotions. you feel relief that your thoughts about you being different are correct. you feel anger that you didn't find out sooner. you feel sad that so many people left you behind just because you didn't fit the mold of what they thought a person should be. you feel exhausted that people don't understand you, or don't care to understand. you feel confused at the realization that there's all these neurotypical rules that you're expected to follow but no one seems to talk about. you feel scared that, now that you know you're autistic, history will repeat itself and you'll be invalidated, made fun of, ignored, and misunderstood again and again again.

"But I wanna try"

in your efforts to understand yourself and the world around you, you try deconstructing these emotions. some are explainable, but some aren't.

"I don't know how to feel"

alexithymia is very common in autistic populations. even though you can explain certain aspects of being diagnosed autistic, there's still a lot that you don't understand. sometimes you feel prickly for seemingly no reason. or you want to run away. or you want to flap your hands or make noises or shake your body.

"But someday, I might, Someday, I might"

there's a reason for these things that hopefully, eventually you'll figure out. you might find out that you get very easily overstimulated. or that really loud places like concerts or big rooms are a sensory nightmare for you. or that certain clothes are so intensely uncomfortable that you can't stop thinking about them.

"When did it end? All the enjoyment?"

you discover that you were bottling things up for a long time. you hid your interests because you were afraid of being made fun of. you kept your feelings and thoughts inside of you for so long that you forgot what you were holding in. at some point you just became...numb. at some point you realized that existing was so difficult that all you needed to do was focus on surviving. it didn't use to be like this.

"I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend"

to tell anyone how difficult it is to be alive just feels like a burden on other people. it happens so often. you feel like a broken record talking about the ways in which living is hard.

"It's not what he's made for"

in a world of neurotypicals, it feels so isolating. they don't understand your experiences because they're not autistic. they don't get it. there are few people who are equipped to understand and explain the autistic experience.

"What was I made for?"

it gets clearer and clearer what this diagnosis means. in the most extreme sense, it's a death sentence. this world doesn't want autistic people to exist.

"Think I forgot how to be happy"

the crushing weight of all these obstacles that were always there reminds you of its presence. hiding who you really are just to have a chance of fitting in hurts so much. you just want to be accepted for who you are. all the good and the bad. existing overwhelms you.

"Something I'm not, but something I can be"

you're not happy. but this diagnosis is a step. it's gonna take a lot of work, but you can move towards figuring out what makes you tick, and do your best to work with what you are. there are people out there who care about you. there are people who will listen. there are people who will accomodate you. there are safe environments out there. there have to be happy autistic people who exist, right? it has to be possible.

"Something I wait for"

the times need to catch up, but we're further along with our understanding of autistic people than we were a year, 5 years, 10 years ago. it will take a lot of time to understand yourself. it will take a lot of time before the world will accomodate you better. it will take time for you to find the right people and the right places. but it is possible.

"Something I'm made for"

I might not be meant for this world, but I'm meant for someone. for something. for somewhere.

aaaand scene!

like i said, this was my journey to being diagnosed autistic at a late age. i hope other people find it relatable