#look I’m gay but she’s the exception
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kindly-gourd · 2 years ago
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shit-
I think I have a thing for manic pixie dream boys 💀
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strawberryona · 3 months ago
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my outfit is serving vesper, a little bit
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misiahasahardname · 1 year ago
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guess who just realised they have a type
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fingertipsmp3 · 6 months ago
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Had THE funniest dream last night
#i was roommates with this couple who for some reason decided they were going to bone directly outside the house#like on the front porch more or less#except they were really worried about being seen? so i was kind of keeping a lookout for them#pretty much as soon as they.. began; a legolas cosplayer appeared complete with a camera crew#OH THAT WAS THE THING! my roommates were filming themselves but it was just on a mounted tripod#so i just opened the window and said ‘uhhh do you guys have a camera crew?’ and they looked around and screamed#had to run inside naked from the waist down. i was laughing and laughing#for some reason my next move was to post about this on tumblr but it got no notes and i was impatient so i posted about it on facebook#and TONS of people liked it immediately and then were sharing it and long story short it went viral#and there were random people in the comments saying like ‘oh this is so obviously fake’ and ‘why does she sound so unconcerned?’#because why would i be concerned?? gay sex is legal.. having it where other people can see isn’t exactly legal but they got inside quickly#and the legolas cosplayer and his camera crew didn’t exactly seem traumatised. they just looked confused if anything#also i’d written it in kind of a sarcastic and funny tone to be entertaining because it was honestly an absurd situation#why i would’ve posted this to FACEBOOK where most of my friends are my elderly relatives; ex-coworkers and high school people i don’t know#anyway that was my dream. two guys i vaguely know had four-second sex on my front porch; saw a legolas cosplayer; screamed and ran inside#OH and the other part of my dream was one of my mutuals on here (who i have only spoken to via prev tags) for some reason had my mobile#number and kept trying to call me#i had them in my phone just as their tumblr url even though they have a name and i know it? and for some reason i kept panicking#and rejecting the call and then coming up with spurious reasons for doing so#even though this person was extremely chill about it and was like ‘oh we can just talk another time!’#it made NO sense. i would absolutely speak to this person on the phone if i got the chance#but also why would i give them my number? and why would they be calling me from the states??#anyway. if you need me i’m going to make breakfast and go to pilates#personal
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anxiety-lemsbian · 2 months ago
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i’m not going insane!!! it’s fine!!! it’s all fine!!!!
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pomegranatesarchive · 4 months ago
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please date my sister in law | max verstappen
pairing: max verstappen x reader
summary: the one where charles won’t rest until he gets his fiancée’s sister a boyfriend.
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liked by maxverstappen1, yoursistersuser, 806,026 others!
charles_leclerc: are you a hot and single guy OR woman in monaco looking for the perfect lady? well boy do i have good news for you! here we have yn ln, my sister-in law, she’s VERY single, likes long walks on the beach, napping, eating, and knitting. if you are interested please comment below! SERIOUS OFFERS ONLY.
view comments below!
yourusername: what the fuck is this charles
charles_leclerc: this is me getting you a boyfriend?
yourusername: NO CHARLES THIS IS JUST NO. @/yoursistersuser TAKE HIS PHONE?
yoursistersuser: I HAVE BUT HE JUST KEEPS BUYING MORE
charles_leclerc: i cannot be stopped
user1: i’m interested?
charles_leclerc: no you are too ugly
yourusername: cha please stop
charles_leclerc: i will stop once i get you a nice PRETTY boyfriend
yoursistersuser: love, please delete this
charles_leclerc: i would do anything for you… except deleted this. yn needs a bf, she’s been to lonely lately
yoursistersuser: but this doesn’t help her get a boyfriend charles
charles_leclerc: but it will!! have faith
user2: he’s trying to sell her like she’s a dog?? 😭
user3: “likes long walks on the beach, napping, eating” IS SHE A DOG CHARLES??
user4: this is borderline weird and thoughtful at the same time
user5: charles get engaged and goes crazy
user6: i’m interested!
charles_leclerc: no you are far too short
yourusername: what’s the point of this if you’re just going to reject everyone
charles_leclerc: i need to pick someone suitable, i don’t need someone ugly or short ruining my wedding pictures
yourusername; then how about you delete this and don’t have to worry about “someone ugly or short ruining my wedding pictures”
charles_leclerc; but i don’t want you alone and sad in the pictures either!
user7: yn doesn’t have a bf?? she’s gorgeous
user8: charles you work with 19 perfectly rich, fine, and tall?? (not really, depends) men, set her up with them
user9: girl half of those men are taken
user8: okay so like 8 rich, fine, and tall (??) men, those are still lots of chances
oscarpiastri: what is going on?
charles_leclerc: are you interested oscar? because you’d be my top pick.
oscarpiastri: i’m too busy with racing for relationships right now, sorry!
yourusername: i just got rejected in front of the whole world through my brother-in law. CHARLES PLEASE STOP THIS
user9: hey so this is crazy!
user10: it’s cute that he cares enough about this too make a whole post
yourusername: charles please stop i’m getting so many dick pics
user12: gross
user13: oh that’s not…
user14: #freeyn
user15: why is he trying to sell her like a dog
user16: if this actual works, i fear we will never hear the end of it from charles
charles_leclerc: all those who are sending dick pics to my sister-in law WILL be reported for harassment. you are lucky my fiancé is holding me back from posting your small dicks all over social media.
user17: POST THE SMALL DICKS CHARLES, DO IT
user18: STOP HOLDING HIM BACK!! LET HIM BE FREE
user19: when he’s protective over his soon to be family >>
user20: three days into summer break and charles has gone crazy
yourusername: i gave you permission to propose to my sister and this is how you repay me?
yoursistersuser: we’re stuck with him for this rest of our lives 😓
yourusername: please, don’t remind me.
user21: “guy or woman” is yn gay?
charles_leclerc: yes! she is half homosexual :)
yourusername: jesus charles
charles_leclerc: what? it’s true!
danielricciardo: can you do one of these post for me?
charles_leclerc: you are rich, tall and buff. no.
charles_leclerc; @/maxverstappen1, @/georgerussell63, @/oscarpiastri, @/carlossainz55, @/alex_albon, @/danielricciardo, @/landonorris who’s interested? 😁
alex_albon; nope
danielricciardo: this weird mate
oscarpiastri; i’ve already said no
landonorris: no thank you
carlossainz55: no thank you
georgerussell63: shakes head
yourusername; kill me now
charles_leclerc: okay. whatever. i don’t care.
carlossainz55: he cares
charles_leclerc: on a completely totally unrelated note @/maxverstappen1, join me for coffee tomorrow morning?
maxverstappen1: sure 👍
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— cafe near charles house, 9am, on the dot.
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— max verstappen has posted a new story!
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[caption: nice cafe 👍]
story responses:
charles_leclerc: hehehehe 😈
user22: SO YOU AND YN WERE HANGING OUT??
user23: that twitter user wasn’t lying??!?!??
user24: charles set you and yn up huh 😼
danielricciardo: who goes to a cafe and gets tea?
maxverstappen1: yn does. and then i felt awkward ordering something else.
danielricciardo: it’s been years and she still makes you nervous?? 🤣
maxverstappen1: shut it
landonorris: i’m surprised you didn’t run away in fear when you say her instead of charles
maxverstappen1: so does everyone just know about charles plan or what?
landonorris: pretty much yeah!
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 501,026 others!
yourusername: july and august photo dump 👍
view comments below!
charles_leclerc: my wedding is in a week, why are you posting on instagram and not freaking out?
yourusername: i can multitask
charles_leclerc: maybe you having a bf was a bad idea, you are too distracted 😑
yourusername; lalalala can’t hear you
user23: boyfriend you say? 😏
user24: 2 months and shes been seen "hanging out" with max more then 10 times, AND she justs posted jimmy or sassy (i cant tell the difference) what are you tryna say yn?
user25: man i can’t believe charles actually got yn a boyfriend
user26: and it’s MAX. like his max.
user27: how do yall even know theyre dating?
user25: context clues babes
user28: this is the closest we’ll get to yn and max making it “official”
user29: i feel like if they go to the wedding together, that’ll be them making it “official”
user30: oh definitely
maxverstappen1: puzzles are hard
yourusername: they’re easy when you focus on
maxverstappen1: how can i focus when i when i have a gorgeous woman should as yourself near me?
landonorris: that was smooth man 👏
maxverstappen1: thank you, i’ve been practicing
user31: and people are still saying they aren’t together??
user32: people want them to post a story wirh the caption “this is us making it official” 💀 like babes this is the best we’re going to get
user33: i can’t believe the wedding of the century is in ONE WEEK??
user34: it feels like just yesterday when charles accidentally told the whole world he was engaged
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liked by charles_leclerc, yourisistersuser, and 1,026,027 others!
yourusername: today, my sister married an idiot
view comments below!
user35: that wedding was so fucking gorgeous
user36: charles and yn planned the whole thing?? fuck f1 we need them as party planners
yourusername: planning this wedding was the most stressful thing in my fucking life. i never want to plan anything ever again
user37: well the wedding was beautiful so, worth it?
user38: i was expecting a much more emotional caption
user39: she got all her emotions out during her speech 😭
user40: OMG HER SPEECH WAS THE CUTEST THING. “charles you have changed mine and my sisters life for the better. you have introduced me to someone who makes me feel like i’m on cloud 9.” THE CAMERA PANS TO MAX??? “i know we joke and what not, but… i don’t know, just…thank you for making me feel like family.” TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE “i love you both so much,” I CRIED, CHARLES CRIED, EVERYONE CRIED
user41: we will never get that amount of emotion from yn ever again
user42: i will enjoy it while it last
yoursistersuser: i did indeed marry an idiot.
yourusername: it’s okay tho! we still like him
charles_leclerc: awwwww 🥰🥰
user43: charles just ignoring the idiot part
user44: it’s been a good day. yn and max made itt official, charles got married, and the wedding was gorgeous
user45: f1 twt has never been so peaceful
user46; RIGHT??? everyone’s just celebrating the marriage
maxverstappen1: will we have a big wedding?
yourusername: absolutely not. unless charles plans it by himself, we’re getting married in a courthouse
charles_leclerc: are you serious? you’ll let me plan your wedding?
yourusername: you proved yourself with this wedding so yes
charles_leclerc: AHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG I HAVE TO GET STARTED
user47: first it started with him trying to get her a bf, now he’s planning her wedding
user48: i feel like a proud mom watching her kids grow up 😢
. . .
notes; pls pls pls send me blurb or smau request!! i have 2 weeks left of vacation and i must make the most of it
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earlysunshines · 4 months ago
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just pretend(?)
danielle marsh x fem!reader ; angst, fluff
synopsis: your coworker can’t seem to fall out of love with you so you convince your best friend to fake date you. sometimes the “fake” seems a little too real.
warnings: PINING!!! ; danielle is touchy and wonderful and reader is a mess ; kinda all over the place?? I'm also a bit iffy ab the pacing on this one ; bit of angst near the end ; alcohol ; anything else not mentioned ; not proofread… none of my fics are…
a/n: this is based off my life rn bc my friend and i r literally fake dating so my coworker can stop being in love w me and i just HAD to turn this into a fic like what (but most of this is exaggerated ofc esp the whole coworker thing I made her a little over the top on purpose for the plotLOL)
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"absolutely not." hanni looks disgusted, almost appalled with that stupid expression on her face. “you’re crazy.”
"please, i'll pay you." you beg, clasping your hands together and giving her your best puppy eyes.
"you're going to scare the hoes away... no, no, and no.”
"what ‘hoes’ hanni? when is the last time you've talked to a girl." you groan and pinch the bridge of your nose.
she sticks her tongue out at you, then responds, “you wouldn’t know…”
“dumbass the only reason i’m begging is because women do want me. please, it’s not going to be serious or anything—“
“i don’t care, the answer is no. ask someone else!”
you’re currently perched on the edge of your best friend's bed, practically begging for help. you seem to have a knack for attracting the strangest types of people, and this time, it’s your coworker who’s got severe attachment issues and an unhealthy level of codependency. all you wanted was a paycheck and simplicity, but now you find yourself in a situation you never asked for.
your best friend groans again, “you and your flirting… it gets you into this shit time and time again and the way you act… you know what you’re doing.”
“what?”
“shut up, you act gay and you know people fall for that. i’m not gonna help you because you want to be an asshole, if you could just be normal for once—“
“fuck you.” you flop onto her bed, shutting your eyes and rubbing your face. “i’m just nice and it’s fun to flirt! it’s nothing. i flirt with my friends and you all the time, they’re fine with it.”
“that’s because they’re straight, y/n. gay people are very vulnerable – except me.”
“you would know.” you retort, earning a glare from hanni. “who the hell do i ask then?”
“haerin?”
“she wouldn’t.”
“yunjin?”
“we don’t match, plus, she dates around.”
“sakura?”
“edating someone right now, some girl in france?”
“the hell?”
“i know.” you sigh louder and hanni just looks at you with slight, playful disgust. “what do i do.” you flop your hands onto the mattress and stare up. “dude, she’s too obsessed, i’m flattered because i mean, maybe i’m attractive and whatnot but this is just–”
“--delusion at its peak.” hanni clicks her tongue, now smiling at you; an idea pops up in your best friend's big head. you turn to face her, raising a brow. “how about dani? she’s literally perfect.”
danielle marsh is perfect, that’s the problem.
she’s a biology major whose ipad pro notes are so neat and pleasing to the eye that they genuinely keep you awake at night – most of it being because you’re leeching off her, but they’re so neat it really has you thinking how she does it all. 
to make things even more bewildering (and impressive), she’s one of two people you know – you’re unsure whether your cousin hyein counts, high school is nothing compared to what you endure – who manages to get at least eight hours of sleep daily. in contrast, everyone else in your circle, including yourself, is barely hanging on by a thread. 
yet, danielle seems to have cracked the code. she even finds time to volunteer at the library where she works, making you wonder if she’s some sort of extraordinary being. her ability to balance everything so effortlessly leaves you in awe, often questioning if she’s even real considering how remarkable she is.
the worst part is that she’s your best friend, right after hanni, and the person you’ve been crushing on since your first semester of university. 
it’s impossible not to have a crush on her—she’s gorgeous, sweet, and embodies everything you could ever want and more. she’s captivating, and every time you see her she flashes that stupid, adorable smile that makes your heart do a flip regardless of how many times you’ve convinced yourself that she’s unattainable and that there’s no way and that you don’t even like her and–
“i couldn’t.” you shut hanni down, quick. “she’s… you know.”
hanni furrows both brows, turning her head. “she’s what?”
“you know.” you make some strange gesture with your hands that only confuse hanni further. 
“i don’t, just fake date her.”
“she wouldn’t agree.”
“sure she would, let me call her!”
you shoot up and look at hanni with an expression that screams ‘are you out of your mind?’ as she finds danielle’s contact on her phone. 
before you can stop her, you hear a ringing sound and feel your body give up. hanni grins at you when danielle picks up five seconds later, both of you hearing a friendly, “hi!” as you back away from her.
“hey mo dani!” hanni greets, giving you a shit eating smirk. “miss l/n has a question for you.”
“she’s with you?” danielle’s voice is sweet like honey even from the phone. “hi!”
“hey!” you greet a little awkwardly, glaring at hanni. 
“y/n was wondering if you could date her.” 
eyes widening, you leap and grab the phone from hanni immediately, sputtering out jumbles of words nervously, “n-no! i mean, yeah… but not for real.” 
“oh,” you hear danielle respond lowly from the end of the phone. “wait, i’m confused.”
hanni watches you close your eyes tightly, clearly flustered and thrown off by her little antics. 
“y/n came over to ask me to date her, not actually, but just like, pretend.” hanni explains, “her coworker is still in love with her.”
“sarah?” you hear from the other end of the phone. “i thought you rejected her like, three months ago.”
“i did, but she’s still… ugh.” you flop onto the bed again and danielle hears hanni laughing in the background. “she’s still stuck on me i think, i don’t know, she’s been so…”
“if it’ll stop bothering you then i’ll help!”
“you will?” you respond, shocked. hanni mouths an i told you, then gets shoved. 
“yeah! i don’t want my best friend being so bothered, it must make you uncomfy too, right? working with someone who likes you?”
you start to wonder if danielle would be uncomfortable in a similar situation, maybe in one where she’s friends with someone who likes her, but she’s unaware of that. you shake your head, clearing your mind and staying present.
“kind of, it’s just… extra stress.”
“okay, then let’s date!” she beams, you can picture her eyes scrunching and smile growing. you want to die (affectionate) just thinking of it. “this should be fun!”
“thanks for helping out dani, thanks so much. i’ll let you be, okay? gotta go um… run errands.” 
“alright! just text me, bye, love you.” the call ends and you sigh again, feeling yourself sink deeper into hanni’s sheets.
hanni is very much your mortal enemy, she still doesn’t know why you’re so distraught because of danielle. whatever the reason may be, it makes her cackle next to you.
it’s nine in the morning, you didn’t have time to pregame the lecture on microbiology with at least three shots of espresso, and you’re yawning as you leave the room.
you hear your name being called out and turn to see no one other than the feeling of hot chocolate on a cold, snowy day turned into a person walking towards you – danielle.
“hey! hi.” she greets, smiling wide. her hair is clipped up and small strands of her hair stick out cutely. “hey baby.” 
you almost choke. “what?”
“did you forget we’re dating now?”
“oh.” dating, but is it even that if it’s not real? “um, hey babe?” it comes out uncertain and danielle laughs.
“wow, you suck at this – it’s okay, we’ll work on it.” she giggles, then links her arms with you. “let’s go get coffee, i need it in my system right now. oh my god, it’s our first date!”
laughing to hopefully fade away all signs of being flustered to oblivion, you tighten your arm that’s locked with hers. “right, yeah.”
you’re going on a ‘date’ with the prettiest girl on campus, she’s paying for your iced americano with oat milk splashed into it, and she’s smiling at you like you’re laughter in the rain. this can’t be good for you, it can’t be — it’s not. you wonder whether this will be worth it in the end because your coworker doesn’t even know about any of it.
(yet.)
before your next shift with your delusional coworker, you and danielle have already conjured up a storyline and backstory for your whole arrangement.
you two conversed for an hour after walking towards the park near her apartment and sitting down next to each other on the swings like kids. danielle was giggling and you were smiling at how charming she looked. unfortunately, you found yourself falling even harder for her just from making up the whole fake story.
danielle suggested keeping it simple, but cute: you two met at the library she worked at, you found her cute and exchanged numbers, went on a few dates, and have been girlfriends for nearly two months.
“but i literally told sarah that i wasn’t looking for anything.” you explain, sighing as you kick the mulch on the ground. that’s what you had said, but what you meant was that you’ve been looking for danielle the whole time. “she won’t believe it.”
“well,” danielle gives you a cheeky look and giggles. “i managed to charm you in a way that pushed that whole idea aside. that’s not too unbelievable, right?” she winks at you and you feel your heart stop momentarily.
you scoff playfully and snicker, “oh shut up.”
“it’s part of the story! are you saying i have no charm…”
she has too much charm. 
“dani, you’re such a dork.”
“a dork that caught your heart! i think this story is perfect.”
pushing aside the slight ache in your heart and the flush in your cheeks, the two of you formulate a first date story: you took her out bowling, where you lost terribly to her (danielle insisted this detail had to be included), and then you both had dessert together at your place. 
it’s not a terrible story, not at all. even hanni would be impressed, but you’re not going to tell her because she’d tease you both relentlessly, and you’re not sure your heart could handle that.
danielle walks you into work holding your hand, your coworker, sarah, watches the whole thing.
a pretty girl (pretty is an understatement in your opinion) smiles at you while walking you in, she’s telling you about the little kids she read to the other day and you can’t help but marvel at the excitement coursing through her.
she drops you off near the register right before the small ‘employees only’ sign, then holds both of your hands and looks at you like you’re a flower that’s just bloomed beautifully.
she pauses, observing you closely, then smiles wider. “okay, i’ll get going sweetheart.” the pet name makes you swallow subtly. “have fun at work!”
she takes her hands away from yours, making your skin feel a little colder. “bye, see you.”
danielle glances at your coworker, who’s looking at her with something mixed with confusion, anger, and a hint of disgust. she then looks back at you – a better sight in her opinion – smiling and waving once more before walking away.
you stay there, frozen for a few seconds, before walking behind the counter and setting your bag down.
as you grab your apron, you catch sarah in your peripheral and turn to greet her. “oh, hey.”
“who was that?” she asks immediately. “what’s up with the ‘sweetheart?’”
you grin as while tightening the lace of your apron, then respond, “my girlfriend.” and it feels wonderful rolling off your tongue.
“what? i thought you didn’t want anything?”
“you still in love with me or something?”
she feels her throat dry as she looks at you pat down your apron. “w-what?” she stutters, shaking her head. “no, why would i be…” her tone isn’t convincing, and neither is she when she adds, “it’s just… what’s with the change of heart?”
“she’s really charming,” the thought of danielle begging you to mention that makes you blush. “i like her a lot.”
sarah fights back a frown, instead, her lips twitch into a forced smile as she walks past you to tend to a customer.
danielle picks you up from work just to tighten the knot, and sarah also witnesses all of it.
both you and your coworker get off at closing, and after locking the doors, you run into danielle. 
she’s standing outside in a baby tee and jeans, a cap perched jauntily on her head. the moment she sees you, her face lights up into a pretty smile, and you instinctively return it. she rushes over, wrapping her arms around you in a warm hug. as she pulls back, she scans you with a playful yet affectionate gaze, her eyes lingering on you with a mixture of admiration and curiosity.
“sweetheart! i missed you.”
“i missed you too dani– baby…” you mutter the last part shyly, making danielle giggle. “you came? it’s late.”
“i wanted to pick you up, can your girlfriend not do that?”
it still sends a shiver down your spine – hearing danielle call you that. you rub the back of your neck and look away nervously, then respond, “of course not, i’m just surprised.”
sarah looks at the two of you, scoffing under her breath. danielle hears it, turning to look at her and grin, raising her brows along with it before meeting you again. she places a hand on your shoulder, then mumbles, “well, hanni called us over, i wanted to scoop you.”
“ohhh,” it makes sense now, she wouldn’t willingly pick you up just because of the whole ‘fake dating’ thing, there had to be a motive. “alright. i can drive? if you’d like, you know. you must be tired from work too.”
“aw, you’d do that?”
“i um,” you cough, avoiding her eyes again because she’s making you feel all flustered without doing much. “yeah, it’s nothing… baby…”
she grabs your hand, fingers intertwining before dragging you along to her small suv, then handing you her keys. 
your coworker groans now that you two are further, narrowing her eyes at danielle when she turns back not so subtly to make sure sarah is looking. any normal person would back off, getting the hint that the person they want is unavailable, but sarah sees it as a challenge, somehow.
there’s nothing she can’t achieve when she puts her mind to it, that’s her mindset.
you’re oblivious to how insane she is, too clouded with how touchy and giggly danielle is after the whole interaction when teh two of you get in the car.
danielle sits besides you on hanni’s couch, leaning against you a bit. “yeah, she gave me a glare, it was kind of funny.”
“pftt– i guess it’s working then?” hanni asks, walking over to hand you two juice from her fridge. danielle takes it happily and it makes you smile a little. 
“i hope so.” you sip on your peach juice. “but she’s like, clinically insane.”
“is she?” danielle questions, tilting her head as her hand finds its way to your bicep. you blush.
“dude, she was crazy.” hanni rubs her temple. “like, oh my god, she was going insane for a good while because y/n didn’t want her like that. i saw their messages and–”
“okay i’ll tell the story thank you.” you scoff. “she’s really competitive, and i guess new to romance? considering how she reacted i don’t know, she’s very…”
“sensitive?” danielle asks – you shake your head.
“i mean no, but kind of. she would get jealous over me really easily and was kind of codependent, like everything i do affects her or something. i’d just go on my day, but she’d always be so reliant on me and text me so often and i just… it’s so much.”
“ah, i see. how long has it been since you rejected her?”
“a few months. i thought she stopped liking me since it’s been so long, but lately there’s been tension and she’s looking at me how she used to…” hanni listens closely as she watches you rub your forehead, looking a little distraught. “i just, oh my god she has terrible attachment issues it’s concerning. the only thing i could think of was pretending to date someone.”
danielle nods in understanding.
“yeah, one time i went to see y/n at work and she looked so like… hostile. that’s not normal, we’re visibly friends.” hanni adds.
you know the exact afternoon that it happened, what hanni mentioned that is. 
she had pulled up to drop something off, and you teasingly flirted with her, hugging her as thanks. afterward, you rang up one of her orders and played with her fingers, a little habit you had developed to annoy her. despite the evident look of disgust and annoyance on hanni’s face, your coworker—who allegedly liked you a bit too much—looked like hanni had just slapped you in the face or spat at you.
long story short, hanni glanced over to see the coworker glaring at her menacingly. in response, hanni poked at you once more before hurrying out with a latte in her hand, confused and slightly terrified.
“yeah she’s… got a bitch face.”
“it’s not normal to glare at people that simply interact with your coworker…” danielle mumbles. “i’m sorry to hear that.”
you wave your hand, giggling lightly. “it’s nothing, really. i mean, i just don’t want her to be so obsessed and stuck on me, i think us pretending to date should tame the fire.”
pretending. 
the word makes both you and danielle tense up.
you clock in again, greeting sarah. 
she smiles brightly at you, waving and you have to make a little gesture to remind her there’s a customer in line. sarah turns away bashfully, then takes the man’s order with a hint of attitude. you’re not very fond of that.
he orders an americano, so you immediately get to work, weighing out grinds of espresso, tamping it down, and pulling two shots. as you do so, sarah pulls up next to you and nudges your shoulder.
“hey,”
“hi.” you respond, not looking up from the cup in your hand. “did you need something?”
“that t-shirt looks good on you, have you been working out?”
you feel uneasy the moment she says it, swallowing a lump in your throat. you pour the two shots over the hot water and force a response, “thanks, and um, no.” before calling out the order.
sarah continues to watch you closely as you throw away the used espresso, then says, “your girlfriend didn’t drop you?”
“she’s working.”
“right. i’d find a way to drop off my girlfriend anytime that i could.”
“good for you?” you look her in the eye again, clenching your jaw. 
“you don’t post her much on your socials either, are you guys really a thing?”
fuck. 
you scoff, “what kind of question is that? of course… i just… don’t post much. we’re still kind of new to this.”
“right, she’s not even your lockscreen.”
“i’m going to grab some beans from the back,” you interrupt, redirecting the conversation away from the topic of your alleged girlfriend. sarah narrows her eyes at you as you turn away from her, stepping away and disappearing towards the storage area.
once you’re alone, you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, feeling the weight of the strange interrogation settle on you. there was an unmistakable hostility in sarah’s tone, a sharp edge that cut through the air. hanni’s right, she always is. the mere thought of enduring six more hours with sarah makes you want to crawl into a hole. her jealousy is palpable, and it eats away at you, gnawing at your nerves.
you pull out your phone and quickly dial danielle, pacing back and forth as you wait for her to pick up.
“hello?” she responds less than ten seconds later. “what’s up?”
“she’s catching on, kind of. i think she’s jealous.” 
“sarah?”
“yes.” you groan, then lean your back against the wall. “i can’t work like this.”
“i’ll come over? do you need me to?”
“no, but can we meet after? i think we need to be more public, if that’s okay.”
you hear her confusion through the phone. “what? public?”
“like, soft launch or something. i just need to make it obvious that i’m quote on quote dating someone – you. and we need a lockscreen together.”
a giggle is heard on the other end of the line, “oh wow.” danielle mumbles teasingly, “this is pretty serious.”
“i hope i die.”
“aw, don’t say that babe. just come over to the library after, okay? good luck on your shift! i have to clock in soon too.”
“can we meet at my place?”
“anything is fine, that’s alright.”
“i literally owe you my first born, dani.”
“it’s nothing, this is quite entertaining.” she says, and you smile with the phone at your ear. “call me later, okay? send me updates.” 
“right, yeah.” you almost whisper, “thank you.”
“it’s nothing, sweetheart.” her laugh is infused into the sentence, making your chest burn.
“this is so dumb.” 
you are so dumb. this isn’t helping your case.
hanni and minji are fighting back laughter while you try to naturally rest your hand on danielles knuckles. you’re stiff and it looks anything but natural. 
the angle you take the picture at makes it look awkward, and the picture’s quality sucks too. 
“just relax.” danielle says, then holds your hand instead. “here, let me take the picture.”
you’re trying to keep your cool while minji and hanni watch and danielle, the prettiest girl you know, holds your hand and scoots closer to you in order to ‘soft launch’ your fraud of a relationship. her hand is nice in yours, her skin is soft, and she’s so close you can smell the vanilla fragrance she uses. 
danielle snaps a quick picture, then the rest of the bunch – including you – scoot over to look at the picture.
“well would you look at that! it’s perfect.” danielle beams, grinning at her work. “post that one.”
“holy shit.” minji says in awe. “no yeah, you could fool me with that.”
“anyone could fool you, dumbass.” you snicker, looking up at her and smirking.
“i hate you.”
“oh, i guess you don’t want free food from my work…?” 
minji groans, making you laugh. 
danielle’s hand is still in yours, you don’t fully register it until you realize you need both hands to post a picture on your instagram story. she seems a bit disappointed when you let go, though you barely notice – and even if you did, you might just chalk it up to your imagination.
it's fun, no doubt about it. yet, you can’t help but wonder what it would be like to take pictures of you and danielle that aren’t staged or orchestrated. you long for authenticity, capturing moments that are mundane and candid.
the thought lingers in your mind the whole time, even as you pose with your back to the camera, pretending to cook alongside danielle. it's all set up and artificial, every movement planned out, yet danielle starts giggling and leaning into you – a spontaneous gesture not part of your last-minute brainstorming. 
her laughter is genuine, her touch warm, and it makes you wonder if maybe, just maybe, not everything is as fake as it seems.
you wake up from your nap and groan as your ringtone renders you awake. blindly, you slap your hand in every direction on the bed until you feel it under your other pillow. someone’s calling you, that’s all you can make out since there’s a red and green circle. 
tiredly, you mumble, “hello?”
“hi! are you busy?” it’s danielle’s voice responding, shaking you awake. 
“oh, um, no.” you say as you sit up slowly, rubbing your eyes and running a hand through your hair. “are you okay? did something happen?”
“i’m fine! i was just wondering if you were free. you sound tired, were you sleeping?”
“i just took a power nap that’s all. what was it that you need?”
“oh, sorry to wake you.”
“it’s fine, seriously.” 
“well,” she starts, “i was just wondering if you wanted to go out together?”
“oh, me?”
you hear her giggle through the phone and smile softly. “i mean, i am calling y/n, aren’t i?”
“yeah, you are.”
“and i’m asking you, my girlfriend, to hangout. it’s like a date!”
“we’re not actually dating danielle, you don’t have to pretend when we’re calling and alone.” you say quietly, pursing your lips.
it’s not that you hate it, danielle being all lovely and playing the role of your girlfriend too well. the thing is, it feels like you’re getting led on, and the way she is just gives you false hope to something real.
danielle feels a little ache in her heart when you respond like that, but she pushes it away for the time being.
“i don’t mind it, it’s fun!” she beams. “anyway, there’s free ice cream downtown for couples, do you want to grab some?”
“is there? yeah, i’m down. do you want to take the metro?” 
“that’s perfect, there’s probably so much traffic.”
“alright, i can scoop you and take us to the station in fifteen minutes, okay?”
“perfect.” she closes the conversation, and the call ends.
you flop down on the bed again, just for a moment. your eyes are fixated on the ceiling above as you breathe in, thinking about everything. 
you and danielle aren’t dating, not for real. it’s just a show, a sham. she simply wants to hang out for free ice cream, nothing more. you know this. you set yourself up for this whole fake dating thing—well, kind of, considering hanni was the culprit behind this whole arrangement.
it’s already been over a month, and danielle doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest, treating the whole thing as no big deal. you must be insane; you can’t keep doing this knowing your feelings are growing and she most definitely doesn’t feel anything real. it’s just to benefit you, and she’s a great friend who’s willing to help you out. yet, each time you pretend, it gets harder to separate your act from reality.
despite the turmoil, you’re up and finding a change of clothes in order to make danielle happy. because even if she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your friend and you love her regardless.
(sometimes the love you have claws you from the inside.)
danielle clings to your arm the whole way down to the city. sometimes she clings a little tighter than usual, then goes silent, and it makes you breathe deeply.
it takes a few wrong turns and teasing to get to the icecream place, there’s already a long line with actual couples. you feel out of place in a way; there’s partners holding the other by the waist from behind, setting their heads on top of the others. a few are just holding hands or lingering close and you can just sense all the love and adoration in the air. 
you swallow shallowly, tensing your jaw because danielle is close to you, but not because you two are something more than friends.
“wow, so many lovebirds.” she says in awe, gazing around.
“uh huh.” you feel her hand slide down your forearm, then her fingers intertwine with yours as she looks up at you. “hm?”
“to seal the deal.” she shrugs, smiling. “plus, your hands are big… and warm.”
“you have small hands.”
“perfect fit for yours.” she giggles playfully, making you do the same. “what flavors did you want? it’s two scoops for free.”
“you can pick both, i don’t mind.”
“what? c’mon, you should pick one.”
“no, you wanted ice cream. i’m just here to make you happy.” you admit, tightening your grip on her hand. 
she starts to respond, but stops for a few seconds. you watch her look away bashfully, staring at the ground and grinning to herself. she shakes her head, then says, “you’re so lovely…”
“pfttt, i just want you to be happy, seriously.”
“you know,” she begins, looking at you again. “whoever manages to become your girlfriend would be real lucky.”
“oh.” your lips twitch into less of a smile and you pause for a moment. “maybe.”
“this fake dating thing is making me realize that you’re such girlfriend material.”
a small laugh stifles the tension and awkwardness in you, “thanks? you are too.”
“am i?”
“yeah.” you stare into her eyes, shes everything you could wish for in a person. “very.”
before danielle can respond, the line moves, and it’s time for the two of you to decide on two flavors. it takes a while to do so, with you declining the offer to chime in and pick a flavor you want, danielle was the one to invite you out anyway. but she looks at you with puppy eyes, pouts, then puts a hand on the side of your bicep and it makes you cave in.
the final choices are salted caramel and coffee.
danielle holds the cup in one hand, drags you away from the area littered with lovey dovey couples – some being too lovey, considering they can’t seem to get away from each other – and leads you blindly towards a small alley in a neighborhood until a bench comes into view. she pulls you towards it eagerly, making you laugh until you’re both sitting next to each other.
you frown a little as you look at the ice cream in the cup. “some of it is melted.”
“not all of it!” danielle beams, then scroops a spoonful of the coffee side – the flavor you ended up choosing. “you have the first taste.” she says, bringing it closer to your mouth.
“wait, you should have it.”
“too late,” she starts to move it in a circular motion, saying, “ahhh~” as she does so.
you scoff, then lean forward and all of it is in your mouth in one bite. danielle watches your eyes light up.
“it’s good.” you mutter, then grab the other spoon to scoop the other flavor. you mirror what danielle did before, making her laugh just as much. “open wiiiiide~”
“ahhh~”
you snicker before moving the spoon into her mouth, she closes it and smiles immediately, melting in place despite the ice cream being pretty cold. 
the street lights make her look precious, highlighting the satisfaction on her face because of some simple ice cream she’d gotten for free. you want to see her this happy everyday and as much as you can. 
a small hint of ice cream is on the corner of her lips, it urges you to bring your hand over and wipe it off with your thumb. danielle stops savoring the dessert, instead, focusing on you. 
“sorry, there was… yeah.”
“mhm.” danielle says, staring at your lips. “it’s really good.”
“i can tell.” you turn away, feeling flustered when she looks at you like that. “let me try your flavor.”
the two of you continue to eat ice cream together, subconsciously scooting closer and closer as you share it. danielle’s head ends up on your shoulder when the cup is empty in your hand, silent in her place.
you don’t budge, mainly because she seems comfortable and you don’t mind ruining your posture a bit if it’s for her. she sighs contentedly, moving her hand over to hold yours in the midst of the moment, slotting together effortlessly. she doesn’t say anything, but you feel her lean into you a little more.
“you okay?”
“just happy.”
“ah,” you rub your thumb against her skin. “that’s good.”
“being with you makes me really happy.”
“being with you makes me happier.” you say softly, staring at your hands aligned seamlessly. “do you want to stay here for a bit longer?”
“please.”
“it’s getting late.”
“i know, just a bit longer.” danielle says.
just a bit longer. if only the whole arrangement could last forever, if only you two could be this close and warm for lightyears.
minutes pass, and neither of you move, lost in the comforting silence. the only shift comes when you turn your head to press a gentle kiss into her hair. danielle feels perfectly in place, her heart fluttering at the tender gesture. a soft smile spreads across her face, a silent acknowledgment of the moment's sweetness.
the night prior had to be a dream, it was too perfect. it was the realest you’ve felt with danielle, the closest to something romantic. it was even enough to consider that she felt the same, and you’d love to revel in that possibility, but you have to restock the beans and cups quickly before tending to the drinks.
there’s only thirty more minutes until your shift ends, it feels like eternity.
sarah catches you smiling to yourself throughout the shift, biting the inside of her lip. she’s filled with all too much: anger, jealously, dissapointment, and really just everything that makes her uneasy. 
she still can’t believe it, you had gone on a whole tangent telling her you couldn’t be in a relationship and now you’re being a complete loser in front of her. she hates it, she wants it to be her that makes you smile randomly throughout the day.
what pisses her off more, and truly makes her lose all hope, is when you go from looking tired and drained to bubbly and smiley as soon as a familiar figure starts walking toward the counter. 
she watches you check the time on the register, your smile widening because you can clock out and be with danielle, who’s waiting just across the counter. the change in your demeanor is undeniable, and it stings sarah to see the joy that danielle effortlessly brings out in you.
you walk over to danielle, reaching for her hand. “hey.”
“hi.” the way danielle says it makes your chest warm and sarah nearly gags in return.
what makes sarah's shoulders sink, her heart drop, and her frown deepen is when danielle suddenly kisses your cheek. 
the shock is evident on your face as you stand frozen, your hand instinctively moving to hover over the spot where danielle's lips had just been. the tenderness of the moment is overwhelming, and sarah can't help but feel a profound sense of loss. the realization that your heart belongs entirely to danielle crushes any lingering hopes she had, leaving her to face the painful truth.
“w-what was that for?” you look over and make eye contact with sarah, who’s grimacing. “there’s um, you know… bystanders.”
“i missed you, so much. i couldn’t stop thinking about you.” danielle says simply, not bothering that sarah is the only one who’s witnessing this, and from a few feet away too. “do you want to get dinner?”
“it’s three in the afternoon silly.”
“well, anything is fine. we should study before we eat! i heard the module mr. lee assigned us was really helpful for…” 
the rest of what danielle says doesn’t register in your coworker’s mind. she studies you closely, her frown deepening with each passing second. it’s painfully clear to her now—you’re genuinely in love with danielle, and there's nothing she can do to change that. the way you look at danielle, like a child seeing a rainbow for the first time, leaves no room for doubt. 
it dawns on her that giving up is the only option, and she feels a pang of resignation settling in her chest.
nearly three months have passed and both of you have still been ‘pretending.’
neither of you acknowledge that it’s fake, not during the weekly dates, study sessions, and late night walks or movie nights that end up in the two of you falling asleep together. danielle doesn’t think twice when kissing your cheek here and there, even your knuckles when she thinks you’re asleep. 
you figure that maybe it’s okay to kiss her cheek too sometimes because she’s her lips turn each time. and when you pick her up for weekly dates, she happily jumps into the passengers seat of your car as if it weren’t just a mutual agreement. sarah has already given up, considering she seems defeated, and you wonder if you should too. 
you can’t tell if it’s just how danielle is, which eats you inside. everything feels all too real, and your feelings only grow more unbearable.
you shouldn’t have let jimin drag you out to minjeong’s party. she’s already left the moment you stepped into the house, she’s probably gotten a hold of a drink already.
jimin had noticed how deeply stressed you've been lately. your responses were slower, your shoulders seemed permanently slumped, and the stress was practically etched into your face. being one of your closest friends, jimin decided that it was time for a change. she was determined to get you out and help you relax, knowing how crucial it was for your well-being (and social life, to be completely real).
walking around, you scan the crowd for a familiar face. unfortunately, the only people you recognize are sunghoon and jake, who have a history of hitting on you despite your clear disinterest. they still haven't grasped that you're a lesbian. you quickly decide to steer clear of them.
the only reason you’re here is because you’ve been throwing yourself into your studies, staying late at the gym, and doing too much to avoid danielle – or even the thought of her.
(which is unfortunately impossible since every little thing reminds you of her.
the flowers on the counter at your work remind you of her smile, the couch in your apartment is where you two have spent hours together, and really, you’re hopeless.)
you find jimin outside on the porch with her other friends that you’ve only talked to once or twice. they’re all talking about something, clearly tipsy, and you’re walking over to linger near your friend.
“y/n! oh my gosh girl, where have you been? come here, have a drink!” jimin grabs your arm, pulling you in and hugging you like she hasn’t seen you in forever. “here, take a shot.”
she hands you a shot of what you assume is some cheap vodka, you didn’t even have time to pregame for this. you’re not against drinking, not at all, if anything you’re all for it. there’s videos of you in groupchats shotgunning beer and finishing with barely any reaction – but tonight, you don’t know if you’re in the mood for it.
one won’t hurt, maybe it’ll erase danielle from your mind for a moment.
“fine.” you grab the small glass, then bring it to your lips and cock your head back, eyes pinching for a brief moment as you swallow. “shit,” you mumble, “give me another.”
you don’t know what has taken over, because you’re downing two more without hesitation. jimin laughs and smiles proudly at you.
for a brief moment, everything feels fine. the music blasting from inside the house, a mix of charli xcx and the chatter of your friends mocking one of your professors and jake, makes you laugh out loud. amidst the chaos, you find a beer in your hand, and somehow, you manage to tolerate the taste. wonyoung appears too, and hands you another after you quickly finish the first. you accept it, even though you're already starting to feel a bit fuzzy.
jimin looks at minjeong with a sparkle in her eyes, and you subtly push her a little closer until their shoulders touch. they exchange smiles, and you watch, feeling proud of your matchmaking. 
your heart sinks as it suddenly reminds you all too much of danielle. the fondness and spark between jimin and minjeong make you frown, your grip on the beer tightening as the bittersweet memories flood back.
“fuck,” you practically whisper. “i need to, i’m going to get more um, drinks.” 
“hm? okay.” jimin says quickly, then turns back to the girl she’s linking arms with.
your head pounds, so you gulp down the can of beer in your hand, then crumple it and toss it toward a trash bin in your line of sight. 
as you make your way to the kitchen, you spot a bottle of vodka and pour yourself a shot into a plastic cup you found. the liquid burns your throat, intensifying the ache in your head. despite this, you pour another shot, perhaps a bit too generously, hoping to numb the growing pain and the emotions clawing at your heart.
the room feels like it’s spinning, you’re walking down some hall and blinking and blinking until you reach a bathroom. thankfully, no one is making out in it, but you check the shower for safety measures. 
you’re finally alone, groaning as you fall against the wall of the bathroom and slide down until you’re sitting on the bathroom floor.
clumsily, you grab your phone from your back pocket. the screen lights up to a picture of you and danielle, cheeks squished together and smiling. 
you stare at it for too long, your breath hitching and your vision blurring as the ache in your head intensifies. the happy memory contrasts sharply with the heaviness you feel now, making it all the more difficult to look away. she just looks so cute in it.
you tap your screen again, and another picture of her appears. it’s a picture of her asleep in the passengers seat, head tilted uncomfortably and lips parted slightly. you had set up your lock screen to cycle through images of danielle, initially to fool sarah, but also because seeing danielle’s face as soon as you pick up your phone makes you feel at ease. each photo captures her different expressions—laughing, pouting, lost in thought—and they all make you grin. 
the happiness you feel is bittersweet, knowing it’s all part of an arrangement that feels increasingly real to you.
your vision is a little unclear, but somehow it sharpens just so you can see her perfectly.
“fuck,” you gasp out, unlocking your phone and trying to navigate to your recent calls. you had called hanni earlier and she had just been lounging at her place. you figure that she’d be able to take you away from here.
you squint, pressing on the contact that has a and n, assuming it’s hanni, then wait as the phone rings.
“hello?”
“hanni, i’m… can you pick me up?”
“y/n?” her voice is muffled when it reaches your ears, “are you okay? what happened, where are you?”
“jimin… dragged me out. i drank… soooo much.”
“y/n, oh my gosh.”
“hanni, stay on the line, please.”
“i’m not–” the voice cuts off, you drop your phone on the carpet. “hello?”
“you have my location… right.” you slur, head leaning against the wall even more. “hanni i can’t do it anymore.”
“y/n, i’m on my way. are you alright?”
“hanni, i can’t.” you groan, staring up into space. “i don’t want to fake date danielle anymore. it feels too real, i hate it.”
silence follows before you hear the voice on the other end of the phone.
“you can’t? why, why didn’t you tell her?”
“she seems happy, and… we just, don’t acknowledge that it’s not real.”
“y/n…” 
danielle sits in her car, heart sinking. 
you dialed her on accident, and it doesn't seem like you know it’s her. 
“please come. please.”
danielle gulps, feeling tears forming in her eyes. 
danielle scavenges through the house your location on her phone has brought you to, looking around for you helplessly. 
she makes her way to the porch and spots jimin, who’s hands are on minjeongs neck as she holds her in place. danielle walks over, not wanting to disturb the intimacy, but you’re her biggest priority, so she’s willing to do so.
“jimin,”
she turns around, looking at danielle confusingly. “oh, when did you get here?”
“where’s y/n?”
“hmmm… she went to get drinks a while ago, she hasn’t come back yet. try the kitchen?”
“okay, thank you.” danielle says hurriedly, then rushes back inside.
she checks the kitchen, only to see jake and sunghoon with beers in their hands as they cackle loudly. you’re nowhere in sight, making her bite her lip in frustration.
danielle goes through every room on the first floor until she reaches a bathroom. she pushes the door open, and it suddenly stops, hitting someone. a groan escapes from behind the door.
"i'm so sorry!" danielle rushes out, peeking around the door to see who she’s just collided with. "y/n?" she gasps, eyes widening in recognition and concern.
you’re sitting against the wall, hair tousled and cheeks red. there’s a white tank top hugging you, the thin straps of it loose against your skin from your posture. 
“hanni?” you look up, squinting. “i wanna go home.” 
you see the figure move closer to you and close the door, then she squats down and you realize it’s not hanni. danielle comes into view, her eyebrows creased with concern. your cheeks flush even harder, and your lips part.
she puts a hand on your forehead, then cups her cheeks with both. “are you okay?”
“you’re not… hanni.”
danielle’s shoulders fall down a bit. “hanni um,” danielle hates lying, but she’s doing it now to save you from spiraling. “she sent me over.”
“oh.” the response from you cracks her heart slightly. “okay.”
"let's go," she says firmly, helping you up. despite being taller and more muscular than her, you lean on her for support. danielle manages to steady you with surprising ease, guiding you out of the bathroom and through the house, her grip strong and unwavering.
you collapse onto danielle’s couch and groan, your body is limp against the cushions.
a few moments later, she comes back with a cup of water, placing it on the coffee table before she sits you up. she tilts your chin up and you look at her with wonder as she grabs the cup and holds it to your lips, “drink.”
“mhm.” you mumble, sipping slowly and swallowing. 
your vision clears slightly, though it might just be danielle who’s grounding you. her concerned eyes meet yours, and while guilt tugs at you, you're also captivated by her beauty in this moment. you're drunk and out of your mind, thoughts muddled and unfocused.
“pretty.” you sigh dreamily. 
“y/n,” her voice is laced with uneasiness. “drink more water.”
“okay.”
“and stay the night, okay? you um, left…” she swallows hard, fighting back a frown. “you left your clothes here, i’ll go grab them.”
“can you stay with me though? will you? i really… just… i want you here.” 
danielle bites the inside of her lip, her eyes wide with confusion. just moments ago, you had admitted that you wanted to stop the whole ‘relationship’—that it had become too intense, too overwhelming. and now, you’re asking her to stay? her mind spins with the jarring shift in emotions.
you lean in, clinging onto her. danielle feels the warmth of your breath and the softness of your nose brushing against her neck. the touch sends a shiver through her, and she swallows hard, struggling to steady her breathing. as you pull back, your faces are mere inches apart. you lock eyes with her, your gaze heavy with so much. 
there’s a lump in her throat. “okay.”
danielle wakes up with you on top of her and your head in the crook of her neck. she hears you breathing softly and subconsciously, her hand slides into your hair.
why are you so confusing? danielle wonders, twirling your hair with her pointer finger. is this what you really want?
you’re incredibly considerate, a trait that’s always shone brightly. the way you go out of your way for her—planning dates, cherishing every moment together, simply because it makes her happy—fills her with a bittersweet feeling. she adores these shared moments, savoring the illusion of authenticity. but now that it’s clear that all of it strains you, it weighs heavily on her heart.
you stir awake, your breath warm and rhythmic against danielle's skin. as you hum softly, her cheeks flush a delicate pink. she feels the gentle pressure of your arms tightening around her, pulling her closer. you shift, nestling deeper into her, finding a more comfortable position. each movement sends a shiver through danielle, leaving her heart fluttering like crazy at eight in the morning.
she doesn’t know what to do.
danielle doesn’t ask you out or come over the whole week, excusing herself by saying she’s busy or caught up with things. of course, you don’t comment on it – she’s not really your girlfriend, you shouldn’t expect her time and affection. 
but then another week passes by and you don’t get any texts back, sometimes she even leaves you on delivered for hours. that’s not like her at all. 
you catch her in class and she’s still the same danielle you know – bubbly, pretty, and sweet – but that’s really the only time you see her these days. 
it’s confusing, all too confusing, so you barge into hanni’s apartment on a thursday evening because she’s the only one you can rant to about this.
“you didn’t even text me–”
“oh my god i think danielle fucking hates me.”
hanni lets you storm in, walking towards her room and flop onto her own bed. you look devasted, especially when you rub your face in your hands and groan loudly.
“okay, first of all: why the hell would she? second of all: yeah, why… why would she…?”
“she’s been avoiding me and i have no fucking clue why.”
“dude what.” 
you recount the entire story to hanni, animatedly illustrating every detail with exaggerated hand gestures. “so, jimin practically dragged me out to unwind, and i ended up drunk out of my mind!” you say. your hands wave dramatically, punctuating the story as you describe stumbling around, the room spinning, and how the whole ordeal felt like a whirlwind. 
hanni watches, her amusement growing as you explain the night’s events. “jesus.”
“yeah, and then danielle came and picked me up.”
“she did?”
“yeah… you called her over… didn’t you?”
“dude, what are you talking about.”
you pause, looking at her with confusion evident all over your face. then grab your phone, heart feeling strained when you see danielle posing with a stuffed animal that one time – out of many –  you two went to the mall together. you click on the phone app, looking at your recent calls and scrolling down to roughly two weeks ago.
you see hanni’s contact name, and then danielles after.
“hanni, did i… did i call you that night? two weeks ago, the friday night i went out.”
“dude you only called me that morning or something, you left something here.”
“oh my fucking god.” you gasp, putting a hand over your mouth. “oh my god.”
“y/n what.”
“i drunk dialed dani and i thought it was you. she told me you sent her to grab me…”
“what did you say to her?” hanni asks, looking at you with slight worry.
you groan, rubbing your face again. “i… i said i didn’t want to fake date her anymore.”
“oh, well that’s not too bad.”
“no, i remember it somehow. i said i hated it.”
your best friend looks at you, confused again. “you do?”
“yeah, but like, no?” you groan once more and fall onto the bed again. “hanni, i’ve… i’ve liked danielle since first semester.”
“oh.”
“yeah, oh.”
“you’ve been fake dating and simultaneously in love with her?”
you sigh. “yes.”
“holy shit.”
“yeah. i think she took it the wrong way, maybe she thinks i hate her?”
“you need to talk to her.”
“she doesn’t want to see me.”
“no, she’s so fond of you. i honestly think she likes you back.”
“okay it’s not the time for that–”
“shut the hell up bro.” hanni pinches your cheek and you slap her hand away. she begins again, “dude, she rambles about you and shit. there were times i actually thought you guys were really dating.”
“i wish.”
“then make it come true!” hanni groans. she pulls you up, then puts both hands on your shoulder. “you need to go talk to her, stop being a pussy.” 
“it’s not that–” 
your phone vibrates in your hand, snapping you out of your animated retelling. instinctively, you glance down and see a notification from danielle. hanni notices the shift in your expression, quirking an eyebrow as you stare at the screen, looking visibly distressed. she leans closer, peeking at the notification.
as your face unlocks the phone, the text is revealed: "can you come over? we should talk." your mouth drops open slightly in shock, and hanni mirrors your expression. the room suddenly feels heavy.
“dude.” hanni points at the screen – the obvious. “she–”
“fuck me.” you mutter, “fuck me.”
“dumbass,” hanni says, pushing you off her bed. you curse and look at her with “what the fuck?” written all over your face. hanni stands up and continues to push you out her room, saying, “go see your ‘girlfriend,’ even if it’s not real you better go talk to mo dani.”
you sigh, pushing her off you and grabbing your things before you walk towards hanni’s apartment door. you stare at the handle, then the text, and linger for a moment. hanni puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at her.
“i’m fucking terrified.”
“well you’ll feel even worse if you don’t go, so go.” hanni urges, opening the door and nudging you out.
the air is cold, it’s really just cold outside and it makes you shiver more than you already are just from the thought of the interaction.
you’re outside danielle’s work, sitting on the steps because you can’t bring yourself to go in and approach her directly. maybe it makes you a coward, but you’ve always been nervous about seeing her willingly and making the first move. the minutes stretch on, each one making you more anxious, but you can't help it. the thought of facing her, of initiating that crucial conversation, ties your stomach in knots. she called you out here anyway.
wind hits your cheeks and you bite your lip, walking around in your place in an attempt to warm up. then, you catch someone in the corner of your eye, so you turn around and meet danielle.
a loose sweater drapes over her frame, and wide-fit linen pants hide the shape of her legs. the wind tousles her hair just as it does yours, but she looks effortlessly angelic, stopping your heart for a moment. her hair, caught in the breeze, frames her face in a way that makes her seem almost ethereal, temporarily making you forget your worries.
then she’s walking toward you, and you remember why you’re here.
you swallow hard, body tensing. 
“thank’s for coming, i’m sorry i haven’t been.. um, able to spend time with you.” she looks nervous, her eyes avoiding yours and hands fiddling with each other. she stares at your necklace instead as she continues, “i’ve just… i wanted to talk to you about what we have.”
“right, i wanted to talk to you about it too.”
“oh,” danielle says quietly. “i’m sorry, i didn’t want to be a burden. you called me instead of hanni the night you got drunk and i know how you feel about fake dating. i’m sorry that you had to do it with me and it caused you so much stress i just–”
your heart aches as you listen to her ramble, guilt evident in her voice for something that’s not her fault. you can't bear to hear her blame herself. your brows furrow with pity as you gently cut her off, “danielle, no, let me–”
“stop, i want to make myself clear. i want to explain a lot of things to you, you’re so lovely and sweet and you don’t deserve to be so stressed. it’s just, okay, wait.”
she pauses, breathing in, and looking at you with tears lining her eyes. your breath shakes looking at her like that, you can’t breathe or speak in the moment.
danielle purses her lips before continuing, “okay, when hanni first said you wanted to date me, i got so excited because well, i always thought you were cute.” she turns her head to the side and bites her lip before looking back at you. “and then you said it wasn’t an actual date, you wanted it to be fake. i don’t know i just, i felt really sad when it happened but at the same time the thought of fake dating you didn’t seem too bad because i’m selfish and i mean, i liked you a little and i thought i could just fake it and revel in the artificial aspect until i got over it but i ended up falling for you so much and i’m sorry. i don’t want you to think im anything like sarah–”
“danielle, stop.”
“no, y/n i just want to explain myself–”
“danielle, shut up, oh my god.” you gasp, looking at her in disbelief. “you, are you fucking with me?”
she looks at you, still feeling guilty. when she blinks, two tears fall down her cheeks and she inhales sharply as she conceals a sob. she turns away, then murmurs, “no, i’m so sorry.”
“n-no, no. dani, danielle.” you almost breathe it out, then bring both hands to hold her face. your hands cup her cheeks making her face you. “please stop crying, i’m sorry, baby, i’m sorry.”
“b-baby?” she says, confusing taking over her features. you had gotten so used to calling her endearing pet names that it slipped out so suddenly in the heat of the moment.
the lights outside shine just enough for you to see her clearly. her eyes are watery, tears staining her cheeks, and you use your thumb to gently wipe them away. her nose is a little pink, and so are her cheeks. of course, she’s a pretty crier too, but you look at her with guilt, shaking your head as you continue to stroke her cheeks with your thumb. the sight of her like this breaks your heart even more.
“i only said i hated it because it was all too real, but not in a bad way. not at all.” 
“really?” she says between sniffles. “w-what do you mean?”
“i’m saying that,” you use your thumb to rub a tear threatening to fall from the corner of her eye. “i hated it because i couldn’t take the fact that it wasn’t real. i wanted it to be real. danielle, i’ve wanted to be yours since you first gave me the notes from the first lecture we had together.”
“what?”
“danielle,” you almost whisper, then kiss her forehead. “i like you so much. i don’t hate you, or this – i hate that it’s not real.”
her mouth opens in shock as she looks at you, sniffling. you anxiously wait for a response, hoping she'll say something, but she doesn’t. instead, she hugs you, wrapping her arms around you tightly. you return the embrace, holding her just as tight. the world around you fades away, leaving only the two of you in the nerveracking moment.
“i like you too – a lot. i was so scared when you said you hated it, i thought i was making you uncomfortable and gosh i just felt so bad and–”
you rub her back with your hand and cut her off, “i was anything but uncomfortable, i felt like i was living in a fantasy.”
“thank god.” danielle sighs in relief. 
you pull away, looking at her again and wiping remnants of tears with your thumb again. “i’m sorry for making you cry.”
if you could go back and punch yourself for being stupid — you’d do it in a heartbeat. a dumb slip up and miscommunication from your lips is the reason danielle’s nose is still tinted pink from crying, you feel guilty as ever.
in your hands, it feels like you hold the world. she shakes her head in your hold, then smiles from relief.
“it’s okay.”
“are you busy after this?”
danielle giggles, shaking her head again. “if you’re asking me out on a date – a real one – then absolutely not.”
“dinner? it’s on me for being stupid that night, and this whole time.”
“perfect.”
you smile sweetly at her, your gaze lingering on her lips. before you know it, you lean in and boldly peck her right then and there. she gasps when you pull away, looking at you with widened eyes as you back off. but then, she reels you in again, leaning closer and kissing you once more. the kiss is soft and warm, filled with all the unspoken words and emotions that have built up between you. you feel her smile against your lips, and everything else fades away.
when you part again, you look at her fondly and ask, “wait, this is real, right? like, we’re…”
danielle laughs, hastily pecking you once more and lingering close.
“i don’t think it’s the alcohol that made you so dense and stupid.”
799 notes · View notes
bruciemilf · 4 months ago
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I know this is a DC blog but I NEED dad Logan. Get that murder teddy bear some kids ASAP.
Fancast + non canon Headcanons ahead.
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BOBBY MY BELOVED / 16
“Sure everything in my life is terrible. But at LEAST I’m gay”
Makes pop culture references Logan doesn’t understand. “Logan threw the first brick at stonewall” “what are you SAYING” “he’s an ally”
Can, will, and has gaslight Logan into thinking he’s homophobic just for not letting Bobby do what he wants
Stole a beer from Logan once and they found him drunk crying at 3 am. He calls Logan to apologize about it. “I’m sO sorryyy. You know I love you??” “Go to bed” “noOoo” Logan is next to him.
Has a secret YouTube channel and everyone watches for Logan interactions specifically
Mabel Pines coded
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KITTY… that’s his half pint your honor. / 17
Logan is terrified. Why are you such an easy kid. Why aren’t you rebelling? Why isn’t defiance bleeding on your fists?
Why aren’t you clawing and biting and snarling for your freedom? Why aren’t you being a kid? Who do I have to skin-
Daughters are not supposed to exist quietly.
I hc that Kitty’s family is extremely unsupportive of her being a mutant, — but they’re just traditional in general. Specifically she’s petrified of being around/existing along men.
Certified babysitter when Logan’s not around. She’s so big sister.
“guys!1!11!!!! mr. Logan said not to do that!1!1!1”
Logan BEGS her to be a shitty teenager for like 10 minutes. Be bratty!!! Tell him to fuck off! Throw a tantrum!!!! “But I’m not a kid.” “You’re MY kid.”
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JUBILEEE daddy’s girl / 15
Problem Child TM
Plays Rock n Roll by Avril Lavigne at 4 am to piss Logan and her siblings off when they annoy her
Grounded all the time but if she fake cries Logan will shamefully relent.
Always puts Logan’s patience to the test because she anticipates him leaving/giving up on her
Foster child with issues. She spent half her life looking for people and the other half being abandoned by them. This won’t be any different.
Except Logan is very good at fighting destiny.
Your honor I don’t CARE Logan is made to be a girl dad!!!!
“On the spectrum. Not saying which one”
STRONG she/they energy
Most affectionate with Logan out of all the kiddos. Her love language is terrible pancake making (Logan eats them anyway) and cat cuddling.
ADHD icon
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LAURA (murder baby) / 7
Brings dead birds/mice to her family members (affectionate)
Charles has the bright idea to enroll her in school with the kids. “It’s important for children to socialize with peers their own ages.” “Can’t socialize if they’re all DEAD.”
That meme of the little boy and his father with an arrow in his shoulder
Youngest child privilege
Steals Bobby’s phone and shoot’s hilariously off angle family vlogs. One of them includes her stealing Logan’s motorcycle while he runs after her
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fattystoriez · 3 months ago
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Preston’s 18th Birthday
Content Warning: Incest, Homophobic Slurs, Weight Gain
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Preston was a normal teenage boy, except for the fact that he was adopted by a gay couple when he was born. His mother didn’t want him and he learned that some time after he was born, she died. He knew nothing about his biological father, but he never stopped looking, his dads didn’t even know who his father was. His dads were great, but Preston never stopped wondering what life would be like had he been raised by his biological father.
A couple months ago, Preston’s biological father reached out through Facebook. His profile had no pictures and seemed to be new, but he had the DNA test from when he was born to prove his relation. His name is Travis, he’s in his mid 40’s and he is a construction worker. Despite not knowing what his dad looks like, Preston started to talk with his dad more and more. His two dads suggested that he meet his father for his 18th birthday before the party, Preston thought this was a great idea and so did his dad. So they had made plans to meet, he would chat and have lunch and come back to his house for his party.
Preston’s Birthday
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Preston woke up to a massive aching boner, one that was begging to be released. “Oh GOD!” He moaned loudly as he grabbed the hard on, his underwear soaked in precum. “Fuck I don’t have time to take care of this” Preston thought, “I’ll just take a shower and maybe it’ll chill out.”Preston’s cock calmed down after he took cold shower, but he could help but notice that he was still very horny. He threw on a t-shirt, a pair of briefs and some gym shorts. Preston checked his phone, it was 11:30am already, he needed to hurry or he’d be late for lunch with his dad. He went downstairs saying bye to his dads, got into his car and headed towards Travis’s place, his cock slowly leaking precum the whole way there.
Preston noticed as he was getting closer that his dad lived in a trailer park, which was fitting given he is a construction worker. He didn’t realize how nice he had it with his dads, living in a suburban home with a nice new car and electronics. Travis would barely be able to afford rent let alone all of Preston’s nice commodities. Preston knocked on the door, he heard heavy footsteps walk towards the door and it swung open to reveal Travis.
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Travis was HUGE! His tight orange shirt couldn’t even cover his massive belly, and his underwear… or are they shorts??? They looked tight on his waist. His face was covered by a bushy beard, hair that the top of his head lacked. He still has some hair around the sides of his head, which only added to his grotesque appearance. “Preston!” The massive bear of a man said with a thick southern accent, he squeezed Preston in a tight hug, the contact making his cock leak some pre cum. “I’m so glad you’re finally here, I’ve been waiting to watch- I mean… see you all day!”
Travis showed Preston into the trailer, it was dingy and grimy, Travis clearly doesn’t know how to pick up after himself. Preston could tell he also didn’t smell the best, having a very distinct and vile musk that emanated from him “I’ve been excited too…” Preston noticed the massive amount of food that was over in the kitchen area. “Is that… for lunch today?” Preston was confused, there was no way two people could eat that much, even if Travis was a massive hog.
“Of course it for lunch big guy! You’re 18!” Travis said that as if Preston should know what that means, it was then that Preston felt his stomach gurgle in hunger. “But let’s start with your birthday cake, I made it special myself.” Travis walked Preston to the dining table and pulled out the most delicious cake Preston has ever seen.
“Oh you really didn’t have to do this much, there’s no way I’m eating all of this.” Preston said as he sat down, Travis cutting him a slice of cake. “Oh it chocolate, that’s actually my favorite.” Preston took a bite of the cake and it was the most delicious thing he had ever eaten in his life, it even made his cock stand back up. “Oh god… this is good!”
“I thought you might like it, made it with my own secret recipe.” Travis went behind Preston, massaging his shoulders as his son starts to pig out on the rest of the cake. “It’s a tradition for men in our family to eat like this on their 18th birthday, son.” Preston couldn’t stop himself from eating more of the cake, he couldn’t process what was going on. “When men in our family hit adulthood, we grow quickly into slobbish pigs.”
Preston was having a hard time processing the information, he couldn’t stop eating the cake long enough to worry about what was happening to him. “Oh god… daddy what’s happening to me?” Preston’s voice started to have a light souther accent that could barely be heard through the chewing.
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Preston’s body started to plump up quickly, his abs from his years in track were fading away. “You can’t stop the change, son.” Travis started to feed Preston once the cake was gone, “Your faggot daddies couldn’t have prepared you for this son, they wouldn’t know what to do with a pig like you.” Preston’s head was spinning, his body getting fatter and fatter as his body gives in to his DNA.
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Preston’s once smooth chest has pumped into two soft moobs that jiggled with every bite, his jawline started to fade as the fat started to accumulate. Preston was in a blissfully perverted shock as his whole life was being ruined by this pig of a man, his cock rock hard was leaking like a faucet, soaking his underwear. “Daddy… I’m getting so fat…” Preston moaned in between foods, “w-why do I sound like this daddy… w-“
“Shhhhhh” Travis shushed Preston as he shoved a greasy slice of pizza into his mouth. “You’re becoming just like your daddy, and your daddies daddy, as so on. You come from a long line of perverted hogs.” Travis gripped Preston’s cock with his other hand, “my daddy helped me out exactly like this, fattened me up real good.” Travis pumped Preston’s leaking cock as he told him how much of a pig he was going to become. “You’re gonna love it boy, you’ll be able to turn other men into fat hogs just like us. It one of our many talents, one that I can’t wait for you to use.” Preston was in a fattening bliss, listening to the hypnotic words coming out of his daddies mouth as he played with his own fattening body.
“Oh daddy… daddy I’m gonna-“ Preston released, soaking his underwear and his dad’s hand, this act of finishing sealed Preston’s already inevitable fate. “Oh god daddy, look what you’ve done to me…”
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Preston’s belly was as big as his daddies, he couldn’t stop jiggling the soft flesh that had taken over his body. “I didn’t do nothin’ boy, this was your natural calling.” Travis took a doughnut, wiped Preston’s cum into it and fed it to his son.
After Preston was done chewing his specially glazed doughnut he wondered who he could make into a fat piggy himself, the he thought of his faggoty dads. “Let’s go visit my dads, daddy!”
“Of course boy, those faggots are gonna piss their pants when they see how big you’ve grown.” Travis helped Preston up and walked his half-naked fat ass to Travis’s pickup truck, the two whales could barely fit in it together. “We’ve got a party to get to, boy.”
Part 2?
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flemingsfreckles · 3 months ago
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Best Friend’s Sister
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Jessie Fleming x Charles!Reader
Synopsis: just as the title says, classic best friend’s sister fic, except your little sister is more protective over Jessie than she is you.
Warnings: suggestive comments, mentions of sex, language
WC: 2.6k
A/N: hi I’ve been trying to write some shorter stuff, if anyone has requests for some small 1-2k fics they’d like to see feel free to send them my way.
“You single Jessie?”
“Oh my god, leave her alone.” You feel your sister come up from behind you, her hand clasping over your mouth.
You had just moved back to London after spending a few years in school over in America, meaning you were finally back to annoying your younger sister Niamh.
“I’m so sorry. Please ignore her.” Niamh leans over your shoulder sending her roommate an apologetic look.
“Oh, she’s fine, I promise.” Jessie waves off your sister and Niamh releases her hand on your mouth. You can’t help but notice the way Jessie smiles and her cheeks tint pink.
You sister had invited you over to catch up and while you knew she lived with Jessie and you had heard all about the midfielder, you hadn’t really gotten to ever speak to her or gotten to know her. When you were greeted by brown eyes and a face dotted with freckles instead of your sister's paler skin and blue eyes, you had a sudden infatuation with the Canadian. She was beautiful, but you couldn’t say that, you hardly knew if she was single, let alone gay, but you were determined to find out.
The more time you spent with her, the more you poked and prodded at her personal life, which wasn’t easy, she tended to keep to herself most of the time. Each time you visited, you became more and more bold with your comments and questions until finally you were outright complementing the woman.
“You’re really pretty, you know that Fleming?” You said over your shoulder as you made your way out of their apartment, your sister out of earshot.
“What?”
“You heard me.” You say as you grabbed your keys and headed out the front door after spending the afternoon at your sister’s place. You were hoping you left a confused Canadian standing in the kitchen thinking about you. And you had, you just didn’t quite know it yet but Jessie had started to develop her own little crush on you, the more you flirted and teased her, the more she fell.
The longer you were in London, the more and more you found yourself growing close to your sister’s best friend. The closer you grew to her, the more your crush blossomed. You came over often, for dinner, to play games, or watch movies. It was nice, getting to finally spend regular time with your sister again and you definitely didn’t mind an excuse to see Jessie.
One evening the three of you were sitting on the couch playing Mario Kart, which pretty much consisted of you beating Jessie and Niamh pretty handily each round. Niamh had gotten up between races to grab some snacks.
“Hey, would you be able to look at my bed?” Jessie turns to you on the couch, poking your shoulder.
“Why?”
“I think it’s broken?” She says as if she’s not sure if it’s broken or not.
“Damn, didn’t know you were seeing anyone, good for you breaking beds, you don’t strike me as that type.” You send her a wink and a smile.
“No no no,” Jessie immediately is waving her hands, a blush creeping up her cheeks. “It’s not like that.”
“No? Not into wild crazy sex?” You try to bite back the smirk asking to crawl across your face. You had found with your new developing crush, you had also developed an interest in winding up Jessie, just to see her cute, panicked responses.
“I- uh”
“Hey!” You hear Niamh shout at you from the kitchen. “Leave her alone.”
“I’m teasing, you don’t have to answer that.” You smile at Jessie placing your hand on her bent knee. “I’m happy to look at it.”
“I threw my suitcase from my trip on it a little too hard I think, it’s now slanted, Niamh suggested you look at it, said you’re good with that stuff.”
“Yeah Niamh would know I’m good with that stuff, I was always fixing stuff she broke around the house when we were kids and she wanted to practice passes in the hallway.”
“Hey you broke plenty of stuff too!” Niamh says as she comes back over to the couch, she stands before the two of you, giving your hand a stare causing you to realize it’s still resting on Jessie’s knee. You quickly pull your hand back, placing it in your own lap and Niamh sits down placing herself between you and Jessie.
After a couple more laps of what you considered easy victory and embarrassing defeat of Jessie and Niamh, the three of you put on a movie which has Jessie falling asleep on the couch within minutes.
You feel yourself starting to doze off as well causing you to stand up from the couch.
“Tell her I’ll stop by to fix her bed tomorrow.”
The next evening you let yourself into their apartment with the key Niamh lent you and are immediately hit by the smell of garlic and herbs coming from the kitchen. You wander through the entryway to see Jessie at the stovetop, stirring a pot.
“Hey.” You say, not wanting to startle her.
“Hi.” The way she smiles over at you nearly has your knees weak, a warmth spreading through your chest.
“Whatcha doing?”
“Cooking.”
You hum in acknowledgment, moving into the kitchen to where she was.
“Did you invite me over just to wine and dine me Fleming?”
“Maybe I did.” She says matter of factly, giving you a quick grin. “But I also seriously need help with my bed frame.”
“Where’s she at?” You nod in the direction of your sister's room.
“Not here.” Jessie says, a suspicious smile on her face as she turns back to face the stovetop.
“Huh, so it’s just us?”
“Just us.” Jessie repeats. You quickly find yourself moving in her direction, putting yourself behind her, leaning up against the granite island in the middle of the kitchen. Jessie turns down the burner before turning to look up at you, stepping closer so her body is nearly flushed to yours. She looks up at you, wide eyed, her tongue poking out to wet her lower lip.
“Jessie.” You say, almost warning her, she knew what she was doing, putting herself in this close proximity, looking up at you with wide eyes.
“You know we shouldn’t.” Jessie whispers, just loud enough to fill the tiny space between the two of you. Her eyes betray her as you notice the way she stares at your lips between words.
“I know, but maybe that’s why I want to.” It was half true, first and foremost you found Jessie to be extremely attractive and smart and something about her charmed you, her shy demeanor mixed with her confidence. The other half of you, the sibling in you, wanted to piss off Niamh. She had always been the golden child of the family. Professional athlete, good student, you often felt average in comparison.
Plus if the beautiful girl you were looking down at wanted to kiss you, you certainly weren’t going to stand in the way of that. You knew you had started developing feelings, you weren’t sure if she had as well, but the way she smiled at you, found herself at your side, would text you nearly every day about whatever thoughts popped into her mind, you had an inkling she felt similarly.
“I want to too.” She says.
“Say stop and I’ll stop.” You whisper, giving Jessie plenty of time to make a decision. You let your hand slowly come up to her cheek, tilting her chin up slightly in your direction. You give her one last look, down to her lips then back up to her brown eyes before closing your own and leaning in.
Your lips meet hers in a sweet kiss, lasting only a second before you pull back at the sound of the front door opening. You and Jessie give each other identical wide eyes stares. She quickly turns around, giving her attention to the pot on the stove and you turn back, beginning to put away clean dishes that had been drying. Part of you wants to giggle when your sister comes around the corner but the other half of you likes having a little secret so you compose yourself as you put away a stack of plates.
“I didn’t know you’d be over.” Your sister says, you look over at her, an unassuming expression on her face.
“I told you I’d be coming back to help Jessie fix her bed, she asked last night but then someone” you point over your shoulder to Jessie “fell asleep on the couch before I could look at it.” You defend your own presence to your sister who just rolls her eyes at you. The three of you stand in the kitchen, Niamh watching and you and Jessie occupy yourselves with your tasks.
“How was your appointment?” Jessie says, thankfully breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over the kitchen.
“Oh good.” You zone out as your sister begins to chat to Jessie, discussing her appointment and various other training and team related things that quite frankly were of no interest to you.
Jessie finishes up cooking, plating food for all three of you before you sit down at the table. The three of you eat and you offer to clear plates once everyone has finished. Niamh excuses herself off to bed, saying she had gotten up early and was exhausted.
“Want me to look at the bed? Maybe you can actually sleep there instead of the couch tonight.”
“The couch was comfortable.”
“Whatever you say.” You follow Jessie down the hall past your sister's room and into Jessie’s. The slant in her bed is so obvious you giggle upon seeing it.
It takes about half an hour but you finally upright the Canadian’s bed. “Should be good to go, hop on, make sure it’s alright.”
“I think you should also test it, you know, since you fixed it.” You watch as she scoots herself over to one side of the bed before patting the space next to her. You look between her and her hand, squinting, questioning her intentions by inviting you into her bed after you had just kissed in the kitchen.
You follow her request, climbing in to lay next to her. Jessie slides herself back in your direction, putting her body against yours and her head ever so slightly resting on your shoulder.
“Close your eyes.” Jessie says, tilting her head up to look at you. “That’s the only way to test it fully.”
“Whatever you say Fleming.” You close your eyes, feeling yourself relax into the pillow under your head. You feel Jessie shift against you and then you feel her lips press against the side of your cheek. You can’t help the grin that comes across your lips as she pulls back and rests her head more firmly on your shoulder, one arm coming across your stomach to rest.
You’re woken up by an aggressive tug on your sweatshirt, pulling you from the comfort of the bed you were in and the warmth from the body beside you. Before you know it you’re against the hard wall of the hallway, your sister's bright blue eyes staring harshly into yours.
“What the fuck are you doing?” She empathizes her words, pushing you hard against the wall as she questions you.
You’re still in a sleepy haze, blinking rapidly to figure out what exactly your sister was going on about. “What?”
“Why are you in her bed?” Niamh is whispering but her tone tells you she is pissed off. That’s when it sets in, you must have fallen asleep next to Jessie, in her bed, in her room, in her shared apartment with your sister.
“I helped her fix it and then, I don’t know.”
“You cannot put yourself in her bed just because you have a crush.”
“Niamh.” You try to get through to your sister but she’s too focused on the fact that she found you in her best friend's bed she won’t listen.
“No, you’re my sister and that’s my roommate and my best friend, you can’t push yourself on her just because you can’t handle your little crush and Jessie is too fucking nice to tell you off.”
“I didn’t push myself on her Niamh, Jesus.”
“So what then? You’re claiming she invited you into her bed?”
“I sort of did.” You hear Jessie’s voice, causing you and Niamh to quickly turn your heads in her direction. Jessie stood in the doorway, eyes daring between yourself and your sister and where Niamh’s hands still held you hard to the wall. “Niamh, I’m sorry, I should’ve said something sooner. I just, I didn’t know how.”
You watch as your sister's gaze softens unexpectedly. “Oh.” Is the only word that comes from her mouth but you feel the grip on your sweatshirt begin to loosen.
“Are you two, like, together?”
You glance at Jessie who shares a unsure look in your direction.
“Uh.” You don’t want to overstep.
“We’re uh.” Jessie looks at you and to the floor.
“We haven’t gotten to that conversation yet.” You finally say, a tight lipped smile across your face knowing Niamh probably wouldn’t be happy with that answer.
“Oh, but you’re sleeping together?” Niamh’s hands drop from your collar.
“No.” You and Jessie both are quick to blurt out before looking at each other.
“No, not like that. I mean yes we were asleep together, but that was the first time and we were just sleeping. We haven’t, we aren’t, uh, yeah.” You suddenly feel shy discussing the topic in front of you sister and Jessie,
“Okay.” Your sister brings one hand up to pinch her forehead between her thumb and forefinger. “Jessie, can you give us a second?”
“Yeah, of course.” She steps back into her room and closes the door leaving you and Niamh in silence in the hall.
“Look Niamh I would’ve told you. I just didn’t know what was going to happen.” You try to explain yourself before your sister cuts you off, her uptight tone returning.
“If you hurt her, I swear, I’ll put my fucking hands on you.”
“Niamh.”
“No, let me speak, she’s the nicest, most genuine person I know, and if you so much as corrupt one tiny cell in her body, I will have it out for you. She’s not someone you can just mess around with and then move on, not her.”
“Hey, shouldn’t you be having this conversation with her, not me, I’m your sister, you should be protecting me.” You throw your arms out, not understanding why your sister is so worried about you.
“Well no offense, I’ve seen your track record. I’m more worried about her getting hurt, not you. So I apologize for wanting to make sure you don’t keep her around just long enough to get laid so you can lose interest.”
“God Niamh, that was years ago, I was a teenager and stupid. I’m not like that anymore.” You knew your sister was right. You had been careless with girls when you were younger, you had liked the chase, when the chase was over, you would lose interest and move on to chasing another girl, this process repeated itself through your late teens eventually stopping a couple years ago when you finally realized the chase was not all that it was made up to be. You wanted serious, you wanted long term, and now you wanted Jessie.
“How am I supposed to believe that?”
“I don’t know, but let me prove it. We're not even together yet Niamh but I’m going to treat her right, I promise. Let me prove I can be good for her.” You hold out your pinky to your sister, something that the two of you did as kids to make promises. You never broke and pinky promise and neither had Niamh.
Niamh took a second, looking between your outstretched pinky and your face. “Fine, I’m trusting you.” She looks at your face before bringing her hand up to link her pinky with yours.
“Thank you, you won’t regret it, and neither will she.” You give Niamh a quick wink before releasing your pinky before heading through the door of Jessie’s room, leaving your sister rolling her eyes behind you.
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thankyouivy · 1 year ago
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Slick Tongue - Spencer Reid x Fem!reader
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!reader Warnings: SMUT! (18+), oral [f rec], non-con voyeurism? (the team listens in), dryhumping, squirting, overstimulation, dirty talk, begging, HANDS, multiple orgasms, fluff! Summary: Instead of going out with the team for drinks after a stressful week, the only thing he wants to do is bury his head between your thighs. Notes: a gay and a lesbian attempted to write straight smut: this is that attempt. there is a significant lack of munch!spencer content on here and I am willing to attempt to fix that very serious problem. this is literally just 3k words of Spencer being a munch, enjoy! :]
———
“Reid, are you sure you don't wanna come out with us? I mean, after the last few days we all deserve a little fun time!” the grainy voice of Garcia speaks through the phone as Spencer makes his way into your shared apartment. Spencer chuckles and the ruffle of him taking his coat and shoes off can be heard on Penelope's side of the line. Spencer sets his bag on his desk on the way to your bedroom where he knows you’re waiting for him. “As much as I would like to spend more time with you guys, I have other things I need to atten- …”
You’re lying on your side of the bed, undressed except for the navy blue lingerie set Spencer bought for you in LA when the team flew there for a case, and one of his button up work shirts. This one is light blue and it complements the navy blue of your lacy bra and thong peeking out through the half-unbuttoned shirt. You look up from the book you have in your hand, and smile as you sip your red wine, and then place the glass on the bedside table. Spencer is just standing in the doorway and manages to get out a breathy “Hi,” before Garcia seems to snap him out of the trance he's in. He blinks a few times and looks around for a second before remembering where his coworkers' voice is coming from.
“Reid? Reiddddd??? Are you still there?” She says as he lifts the phone back to his ear. “What? Yeah, I’m still here. What- what is it?”
You giggle at him. Despite being one of the smartest people in the BAU, all of his concentration and genius goes out the window when it comes to you, it seems. Spencer can tell Garica is saying something to him, but he can’t really tell what it is that she’s talking about. “Hey, Garcia- I’m- um I’ve got to go- no it's- nothing wrong! I just have to- I- I’ll see you tomorrow, have fun at.. wherever- bye.” He stammers out quickly, and shuts off his phone and throws it onto the bedside table as he makes his way over to the bed.
It seems in Spencer's delusional state of mind, clouded by the nakedness of his girlfriend, he has forgotten that when you turn your phone off, the call you are on does not automatically hang up, unknowingly leaving Garcia and the rest of the team to listen in on the escapades that follow:
“Hi, baby,” You greet him happily as Spencer reaches your side of the bed and leans down to place a passionate kiss on your lips. “God, I missed you,” he mumbles into your mouth and you smile and hum in agreement into the kiss, running your fingers through his soft fluffy hair.
His mouth moves from your lips to your jaw, placing kisses along the edge of your face to your ear, and then down to your neck where he begins marking you up. You giggle happily as he works on his task.
He pulls away from the kiss momentarily to run his eyes over your body once more. You look absolutely delectable in this set, it's one of his favorites. He bites his lip and runs his hands over your sides and down to your hips. He leans back in to kiss you all while he makes quick work of your bra, unclasping the back and pulling it off as you work on taking off your shirt, it falls off of your shoulders gently revealing your gorgeous bare tits.
You bite your lip and the blush from your cheeks makes its way down the rest of your body, and Spencer groans at the sight of you. “Fuck, you look so good, baby… but in order for me to have any fun, these need to come off…” He says darkly, as his pointer finger slips its way under the strap of your thong and he places kisses along your collarbone.
You gasp as he grips your hips and slides you to the edge of the bed, dropping down to his knees immediately, and making quick work of taking his own shirt off, leaving him in only his work pants. You let him pull your panties down your thighs and off your legs slowly, already panting hard as he watches you open your pretty legs for him, giving him the perfect view of your tiny bare pussy and completely naked body.
“Fuck…” he says breathily as he licks his lips, obviously salivating. “Please baby…I wanna taste you so bad… been thinking about it for days…” He begs on his knees, and you moan at his words. He looks exhausted but eager, and that combination of things usually only means one thing; "Bad day?" you ask as he grabs the underside of your left thigh and places it over his shoulder, "Terrible."
You lace your fingers through his soft hair, and watch as he closes his eyes, tilting his head to the side to give the inside of your thigh an open-mouth kiss.
"Mmmm.. I’m sorry work was bad baby…Y'can tell me everything after you make me cum, yeah?" and then he's groaning, "Fuck yes," nodding his head and sighing happily, before surging forwards and lapping at your cunt as if its the one thing he wanted to do all day.
Immediately your hips arch off of the bed as his lips press against your folds. "Fuck, Spence," you gasp, he parts his lips before dragging his tongue up your centre, circling the tip around your clit, "oh my god," you moan, fingers tangling into his hair to hold him there. This spurs Spencer on further, his body pushes further between your legs, his hands holding your legs apart while he starts to moan into you. “Tastes so fucking good, baby.” He mutters and licks his lips, before licking at your clit softly.
Your view is obscene. Spencer's large veiny hands are gripping your plush thighs, making his arms muscles flex as he holds them open. His gorgeous sharp jaw moves in a steady rhythm, his long hair falling in front of his face as his dark eyes look up at you, completely focused on pleasing you.
Your body feels like it’s on fire. It feels like too much and not enough at the same time. You shut your eyes and tilt your head back as his tongue runs over your pussy over and over again. “Fuck! Spencer, that feels so good!” You gasp out. You can feel his smile against you as Spencer sucks hard on your clit, vulgar noises fill the room as he leans into you, one hand around your hip holding you down and the other pressing against your abdomen. His nose rubs against your clit as he mouths at your opening, and that sends you over the edge. You cum hard and with no warning, letting out a yelp followed by a string of loud moans. Spencer groans against you as he licks you through it, the vibrations just adding to the intensity of your orgasm.
He kisses your thighs when he's done licking up your arousal to help you come down from your sudden high, and then stands to maneuver you onto the bed properly. “You know, the tongue is one of the strongest muscles in the body…and although cunnilingus isn’t the intended purpose of the genioglossus, styloglossus, and hyoglossus muscles, they really do make it easy for me to make you cum.” He speaks as he positions you up against the pillows so you have a clear view of him, and places a pillow underneath your hips to get better leverage. “Speaking of cumming, did you know the average woman can orgasm up 5 times per session? So if you think I’m stopping at one… you must be out of your mind, sugar.” He licks his lips.
Without giving you a chance to reply, he delves back into you, his tongue lapping over you slowly, suckling over your clit which has you shuddering instantly, still sensitive from your previous orgasm. Suddenly you feel his fingers tease at you, you gasp, then whimper with want, desperate for his long fingers to fill you. Without warning he presses two fingers into you easily with the aid of your cum-slicked opening. His gaze traveling up your body as you cry out and clench around him "fuck, baby, so fucking tight and desperate for me, huh?" Spencer mumbles.
He has you panting and whining whilst throwing your head back in no time. Your nails dig into his scalp, hips grinding slowly against his face and fingers as heat starts to form in the pits of your stomach. His fingers fill and stretch you in the best way possible as he works you open. Your orgasm builds again, embarrassingly fast, thighs shaking, back arching away from the bed while he plays with your body.
"Oh, fuck, i'm gonna- I'm gonna cum, baby" you cry out, letting your thighs close around Spencer's body, you feel him smirk against you as he lifts off you momentarily to mutter out a little “yeah? Gonna cum?”
"Mhm! fuck- Ungh- oh god!" you choke out in between your moans, stomach clenching underneath his hand as he doubles down, fingers speeding up slightly and his own moans sending vibrating pleasure straight up your body, "th- fuck, there, stay there,” he makes you babble, gripping his hair as you keep him where you need him. Spencer is revelling in the way his motions pull a string of pretty sounds from you; a mix of moans, whines and whimpers because words are failing to express how fucking amazing you feel.
“Doing so good, sugar" He groans, the heel of his hand pressed into your pelvis, the pressure making you clench around him. "So good," he groans as loud moans spill from your open mouth.
Spencer pulls his fingers out of you but before you can protest he's sliding them straight back in at a slightly different angle, hitting the exact spot you need him to. "Please," is all you can manage as the air gets punched from your lungs by a scream when he starts pressing and rubbing hard over it, knowing how close you are to your orgasm.
Your boyfriend watches your stomach tensing and he feels your knees trembling at his sides, your pussy walls fluttering around his fingers and clit pulsing on this tongue as he flattens it against you, “uh huh, come on, baby," he starts, fully aware of what his words do to you. "So close, I know..." He pauses when you interrupt with a high pitched whine, "cmon, cum for me," he finishes, moving his mouth to suck on your clit and curl his fingers inside you, and it sends you over the edge, your back arches away from the mattress, somehow pushing Spencers long, thick fingers into you even further, and you're done for.
Your cunt floods, wetness gushing from you and soaking the sheets beneath you. "Don't stop," you sob.
Spencer moans loudly as he continues his attack on your cunt with his mouth, greedily trying to lick up everything you’re giving him.
This time, he doesn’t give you a chance to breathe, keeping a steady rhythm of his fingers and mouth as he attempts to get you to squirt again. You loudly whimper and try to squirm away from his grip and relentless stimulation on your poor, swollen, fucked out pussy, but to no avail. He doesnt let up as he pushes your hips down harder, and all you can do is let out pathetic little cries and whines as he overstimulates you.
“I- I can’t again-” you cry out at him. It's all too much; his fingers inside you, the heel of his hand pressing into your folds, his lips and tongue toying with your clit, his free hand exploring your body, the stimulation is making your brain short circuit. He pulls his mouth away from you for a second, “yes you can. Just one more for me, sugar, yeah?” He pants, and then resumes his work when you let out a broken cry.
Spencer feels like he's harder than he's ever been in his life. The sounds you're making, the way you taste, the way you're trembling under his ministrations just spur him on more. The only thing on his mind is how he wants to make you squirt again, the very thought of it makes him lightheaded as he doubles his efforts.
In your haze of overstimulation, you can feel the bed rocking at a steady pace, and you realize Spencer is humping the bed. The thought of him getting himself off on the sheets below him, because eating you out is something he does for his own pleasure and not yours, goes straight to your core and your hips spasm upwards into his mouth.
“Spencer!” you moan, “I’m gonna- fuck-” one of your hands tangled in his curly locks, a silent plea for him to stay where he is as you grind your hips sporadically against his tongue. “Cum on my face, baby.” You could feel his smirk on you, and how it grew when your hips started to hump his face as he increases his pace.
"Uh huh, cum on my tongue," he hums against you, and that sends you hurtling over the edge for the final time. You come harder than before, you let out a scream as your body shakes and your thighs close around Spencer's head, trapping him there while your entire body spasms, eyes clamped shut.
His thumb presses and flicks against your clit as he eats you, and you're sure you black out, thighs practically vibrating from the intensity as your body releases even more cum than last time.
"Oh my god, baby," you barely hear Spencer over the pounding in your ears as your body continues to convulse and spurt liquid. His fingers move at an inhuman pace, desperately trying to milk as much cum from you as he possibly can, and all you can do is scream. When he is convinced you can't give him anymore, he gives one final lick through your folds and slips his head away from you.
Spencer looks incredible, his hair tousled and messy, the bottom half of his face completely soaked with your slick and his cheeks red as he catches his own breath and licks you off his lips. Gently, he slips his fingers from your body moaning softly to himself when your pussy squelches from the mix of ejaculate and his saliva. Strings of your slick connect his fingers together as he spreads them apart. "Were so fucking good for me,” He moans. Looking right at you, he slides those fingers onto his tongue, lips curling around them as he sucks you off them and hums at the taste, “so fucking good”.
After giving your hip a kiss, he lifts himself off the mattress and heads to the bathroom to wipe his face off and run a bath for the two of you. He comes back to find you still completely fucked out and breathing heavily, your body still twitching. He chuckles at you, completely spent and exhausted. “Want me to carry you, sugar?” he asks softly and you just let out a small ‘mhm’.
He picks you up with ease, holding you up by the bottom of your thighs. one of your arms wraps around his neck and the other grabs his face to kiss him deeply, whining when you taste yourself on his tongue. You can't feel his erection against you, but instead a damp spot on the crotch of his pants, which just makes you whine more, hooking your legs around his hips and burying your face in his neck.
He pets your hair and makes his way into the bathroom with you in his arms, placing you into the bath following close behind after making quick work of his remaining clothes. Your back presses against his chest as you both relax in the warm soapy water.
“So, what happened?” You ask in a sleepy mumble as his hands rub up and down your arms methodically. “Hm?” He mutters, burying his nose in your hair. “What happened at work?” You smile up at him, and he just laughs and places a delicate kiss on your lips.
Back at the BAU, Rossi, Prentiss, Morgan, Garcia, and JJ are still in the bullpen, and not out at the bar. Garica’s phone rests in the center of the roundtable as the entire team stares at it, slack jawed. “Well… now we know how he can talk so much without his jaw hurting.” Rossi says, dumbfounded.
The door to the room opens suddenly, Garcia snatches her phone and hangs up the call, that has now gone silent on Spencer's end, as everyone’s heads snap to Hotch.
“What are you all still doing here?” Hotch asks, receiving five immediate “nothing!”’s as they all scramble to collect their things and rush past him out of the room.
More of my stuff can be found here.
~ Ivy 🪴
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cameronspecial · 9 months ago
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Request: Rafe intimidates the shy girl by suggesting she sits on his lap during a night out with mutual friends; feeling unable to refuse, she complies, but struggles to focus on conversation as his hard-on presses against her.
Musical Chairs
Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader
Warnings: Saying something is gay, Manipulation, Rafe forcing Y/N to sit on his lap, and Sexual undertones
Pronouns: She/Her
Word Count: 0.7K
Masterlist
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Y/N doesn’t normally go out partying with Kim, especially out to the club. However, Kim begged her to come today because Kim wanted to try to hook up with Kelce tonight. So far, Kim has had no luck with getting Kelce’s attention because Rafe is always taking over his friend’s attention. Kim hopes that Y/N will be able to keep Rafe distracted long enough for Kim to make her move. This is why the timid girl finds herself in the loud and dizzying establishment. Topper and Rafe are deep in conversation while Kim and Kelce are getting everyone drinks at the bar. Rafe is sitting on the right side edge of the u-shaped booth, while Topper sits beside him and Y/N sits beside Topper. The only empty spot left is the one to her side, which is the other end of the booth. Kelce and Kim soon return to the booth and Kim sees the seating predicament. Kim motions for Y/N to move out of her spot. Not wanting to argue, she slides out of the booth and moves herself to the bar stool at the table. The two patrons with the drinks get into the booth and the conversation returns. Ten minutes later, Mac comes over and daps all of the boys. Mac looks around for a seat to hang out, but finds none. 
Rafe notices this search and flicks his chin toward Y/N, “Just take Little Mouse’s chair.” Her eyebrows knit together. She normally wouldn’t speak up, except she doesn’t think it is fair that she has to move again. “Why do I have to play musical chairs again? Why can’t he just squeeze into the booth with your guys?” she protests with her arms crossed. Rafe chuckles, “Because it would be gay for all four of us guys to be sitting in cramped together and even more gay if he sits on my lap.”
“Who is going to sit on your lap?” 
“You are. God, sometimes you can be so dumb, Little Mouse. Makes me wonder what you are learning from all those books you are always reading.” 
“I’m not going to sit on your lap, Rafe.”
“Yes, you are. Look, Mac is getting tired, standing there while we argue about this. He worked all day and now, he can’t even sit down. You really want to be the reason why he is in pain, Little Mouse?” 
Her eyes glance over to Mac and he gets the message from Rafe to play along. His shoulders sag. Falling for the trick by letting guilt overwhelm her, Y/N gets up from her chair and offers it to Mac. Nevertheless, she still refuses to sit on Rafe’s lap. She chooses, instead, to stand at the side and look around the club. Rafe scoffs, tired of her ridiculousness and takes matters into his own hands. His hands fall on her hips, bringing her over to sit on his lap. She yips at the movement and struggles a little to get away from him. His arm comes across her front like a bar, so she is locked against his lap. Eventually, she tires herself out and complies with his wishes to sit there. She stays quiet in the conversation while everyone else seems to be content with spreading gossip. A few minutes later, she is now sitting on something hard that causes her cheeks to heat up and her heartbeat to pick up. Rafe notices her change of behaviour and a smirk crosses his face. 
“What do you think, Little Mouse? Are Stephanie and Clarkson going to last or is he going to find out she is cheating on him soon?” 
She knows he asked her a question, yet the only thoughts going through her head are related to the phallic shape pressing against her butt. Her bottom wiggles against him in uncomfortableness, causing him to let out a low chuckle. The others grow impatient waiting for her answer and fill the silence themselves. Although everyone has moved on from Y/N, Rafe is still focused on her. “If you think it feels good now, wait until it is inside of you, Little Mouse. I promise it will make you feel out of this world,” he murmurs against her ear. 
Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming
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miss-oranje-disco-dancer · 11 months ago
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you know i like my [boys] a little bit older
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pairing: reader x leon x chris
cw: smut, 3sum, older men x younger woman, two men kissing (gay sex thursday!!), p in v, oral sex
summary: reader's parents have a little party and invite two old friends from out of town (leon and chris). threesome ensues.
a/n: i should've actually made chris and leon fuck in this for gay sex thursday :( and yeah, this is not beta read and it's sorta proofread, but it's still me writing, so it's a real collage of different stream of consciousness paragraphs imo ... anyway, title comes from 'your love' by the outfield (except a lil change in lyrics)
wc: 3.2k
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Your parent’s house is filled with friends, old and new; the crowd spills over into the backyard on this gorgeous summer evening. Your mother and father had both worked for the government, occasionally collaborating with anti-bioterrorism agencies while they lived in D.C. They’d long since moved to a quiet suburb states away, so you hadn’t met their friends, Leon and Chris, but you’d heard countless stories of heroism and shenanigans over the years.
You expect them to be average-looking middle-aged men, but when you open the door to greet them, you have to stop yourself from gawking. Drool would be dripping from your lips if you let your fantasies run wild.
They introduced themselves with firm handshakes. You could drown in Leon’s eyes. You have to scramble for your own name. Luckily, Chris’ voice could coax anything from your mouth. You’d tell him your name, credit card number, and darkest secrets.
You wouldn’t dare confess your thoughts to your mother, who you cross paths with in the kitchen. You inform her of Leon and Chris’ arrival, and the minute she turns to leave, you grab a water bottle from the fridge and start chugging. Your mouth is drier than ever, and you’re sweating already.
You hadn’t planned on mingling with your parents’ friends, but your new guests have piqued your interest. You walk outside and go straight to the cooler to grab some liquid courage. You don’t want to look desperate, so you pretend to be disinterested. Unbeknownst to you, Leon and Chris are talking about you across the yard.
“I called dibs on her first,” Chris reminds Leon when he claims that he should be the one to ask you out.
“Aren’t you too old for ‘calling dibs’?” Leon mocks him.
“If I’m so old, I should get to ask her first.” Chris and Leon bicker for the sake of it. It’s the dynamic they’ve cultivated over the years.
“That makes no sense. That just means you’re going to die first, statistically speaking.” Chris would think it was a dumb thing to say if he wasn’t watching you saunter across the yard to grab a beer from the cooler. You’re wearing shorts that fit are too tight in your mother’s opinion - not in Chris’.
“Not with the way you’ve been drinking.” Chris nods to the beer bottle in Leon’s hand, identical to the one you’re holding.
“Says the man with the cigarette hanging out his mouth.”
Chris blows smoke in Leon’s face. Passing by the two men on your way into the house, you accidentally let a giggle slip.
“Speak of the devil,” Leon says loud enough for you to hear, wafting smoke away with his hand.
Chris turns his head in your direction, gives you a small smile and nods. Leon’s gaze says he’s sifting through his one-liners for a way to pick you up or to take a jab at Chris.
Leon’s flirtatious. He has a boyish charm even though he’s in his forties. Chris is quieter, but it’s not shyness; it’s nonchalance.
Before you know it, the sun is going down. Everyone is preoccupied with their own conversations and no one has noticed that you’re practically sitting on Chris’ lap because there aren’t enough chairs. Tension is rising in the air, and sitting across from you, Leon’s eyes narrow when they look into yours conspiratorially.
“A toast?” Leon holds up his beer.
“To what?” Chris sounds amused, anticipating Leon’s toast.
“To a good time.” It’s simple and innocuous, but mischief sparkles behind his eyes, and what he means is obvious.
“Amen,” you say with a voice so tiny it’s barely audible over the clink sound of glass on glass, but your red cheeks and shy smile convey your feelings better than words can. 
It’s your lucky day when they stay late enough for your mom to ask them if they’d like to sleep over. Not with you, of course; that’s not what she means, and she’d never assume she’d have to specify. Her daughter would never fuck her friends. They’re middle-aged men.
But the house is cramped, so Leon and Chris end up on the basement couch and an air mattress, respectively. Technically, the basement is yours in its entirety, but you have a closed-off section that’s akin to a closet where you keep your bed. Your family has never lived large.
You have to walk past the men to brush your teeth, and you do so in your skimpy pajamas. The ones you bought when you were in high school, and now, so many years later, your ass more than peeks out the bottoms, and your tits threaten to spill out of your tank top.
Leon is more obvious in the way that he watches your tits bounce when you walk without a bra on. Either he’s truly shameless, or he knows you like it because he’s being obvious in his glances. Again, Chris is more subtle, or so you think, because you don’t have eyes in the back of your head and can’t see the way Chris’ eyes are locked onto your hips, the sway of your hips when you walk, the way it makes the fabric ride up and shows more skin. 
You almost walk straight into Leon when you leave the bathroom. His hands catch your biceps, stopping the impending collision. 
“Whoops,” you say with a giggle, “Sorry, I got distracted.”
He’s still holding onto you because he knows you’ll try to skirt around the question if he lets you go. “What’s on your mind that’s got you all distracted?” 
“I’m not gonna say it,” you say.
“C’mon, say it.”
“You already know what I’m thinking.”
“Do I?” he asks, tipping your chin up, so you’ll have to meet his eyes. 
You look up and get on your tiptoes when you see the way he’s looking down at you. You know he wants to kiss you, so you make it easier for him. His hands move to your waist when he leans in to kiss you. It’s hard for you to stand like that without toppling over especially when Leon’s lips make you feel dizzy in the head. Leon picks you up and drops you on the air mattress. All thoughts have left your head by the time Leon is on top of you. 
You snap back to reality when you hear Chris’ voice. He’d be outside having a last cigarette before bed. “Are you two planning on making out all night or can I get in bed?”
“There’s room for three,” you break away from the kiss to offer up the idea, as if it wasn’t already on everyone’s mind.
“Care to share, Leon?” 
Leon shares reluctantly, letting Chris into the bed.
“You smell like beer, Kennedy. I thought you were going to brush your teeth.”
“I got distracted on the way.”
You pat him gently, “Go brush your teeth. I promise we’ll wait for you.”
Leon rolls his eyes and gets up with a dramatic groan. You gesture for Chris to come closer until his face is inches from yours. 
“I thought you wanted to wait,” he whispers, tauntingly.
“I lied. Kiss me?” 
“Normally, I don’t kiss liars, but you’re cute, so you get a pass.”
Chris kisses you, gladly taking Leon’s place. You smile into the kiss, knowing that you’ve already won. They think they have to vie for your attention, but they never did. You always wanted both of them. 
When Leon comes back, he pretends to be surprised that you’d lie to him. Inevitably, Chris has to brush his teeth, too, and when he does, Leon scoops you up so that you end up in his lap. 
“I’m sorry I lied about waiting,” you say, still lying. 
“Sure you are,” he says, unconvinced, sliding his hands under the hem of your tank top. 
“Kiss me?” you ask with a hopeful smile. 
“And what if I don’t?”
“Please,” you whine, and grab Leon’s hands to force them to your tits. You could continue to flirt with him if you had more thoughts left in your head, but all the blood in your brain had been drained, and your body had succumbed to desire. Lust isn’t the most clever interlocutor. 
It’s a good thing that men are used to thinking with their dicks, so you let them take the lead. You’re not sure whether you feel more like a princess or a barbie doll, but it seems like you’re their new favorite toy. Your clothes get torn off like wrapping paper and they move you around like raggedy ann while you just go with the flow. 
You can feel Leon’s breath through the thin fabric of your panties and you’re about to tell him that he doesn’t have to do that. You’re not fully-shaved and you didn’t prepare for this, so you don’t expect either of them to go down on you. You don’t get a word in, though, because Chris’ mouth finds yours and by the time Leon’s tongue is touching your clothed cunt, your mouth is occupied. Chris pulls away to breathe - (Leon has learned how to breathe while eating pussy)- and you moan loudly enough that you get a hand clamped over your mouth. You can’t be trusted not to make noise when your mouth isn’t busy - luckily, Chris and Leon figure out what to do with your mouth. 
It all happens in a whirlwind. There was never any sense in your little charade because the tension had been building since that afternoon, the slow boil of a pot on the stove, one that would inevitably bubble over. You could exchange playful kisses and dry hump each other like horny teenagers, but if you’re a big girl who’s old enough to take two grown men, then you shouldn’t need such hand-holding. Especially when you’re already soaking through your panties. It’d be cruel to tease you. There’s a silent agreement to discard the preamble along with your clothes.
Despite their bickering, they work well as a team when it comes to giving you the best fucking of your life. You knew you were in for a bit of manhandling hard-and-fast fucking, not some sappy sweet love-making. Each of them gave you a unique type of roughness - both equally good. 
Chris’ touch is steadfast with firm, calloused hands. He grips your hips tightly enough to leave marks. It’s not completely intentional, you’re just small and squirmy due to Leon’s touch. 
Leon sinks his teeth into your neck, he nips at your breast and sucks on the nipple until you’re straddling the line between tantalizing pleasure and sharp pain. Something is ablaze inside you, but is it a flickering of warmth or does the fire burn? He blows cold air onto your sensitive skin and when you shiver out a whine, he whispers into your ear, “You look so pretty like this.”
Your body shudders again when Chris’ facial hair grazes your inner thighs and you feel his hot breath fanning over your cunt. One languid passing of his tongue flat against your folds has you writhing. His hands are on your ass now, guiding your hips to his mouth. The way he squeezes your flesh feels like praise - tough love, they call it. 
Leon gets impatient. Watching you unravel has his cock straining against the fabric of his underwear, so he slides them off. His length is within your reach, so you take it in your dainty hand. Leon keeps his hand around yours, guiding you through each stroke even though you don’t need his help to do it. “Good girl,” he says, proud of you for multitasking - jerking him off while holding back moans is no easy task. Chris mumbles something, but it gets lost between your legs. It sounded like an affirmative. 
You take initiative and flick your tongue over the tip of Leon’s cock, which thanks you by releasing a bead of precum onto your tongue. You plan to wrap your lips around him when your orgasm rolls through you like a shockwave. You have to bite your lip to muffle any noises. You end up with your hand clasped to your mouth because the experience is euphoric, best not waste it by getting caught. 
Chris comes up for air once your legs give out, finally releasing him from their hold. His lips are puffy and pink - much like your lips, the ones below the waist - from ravishing you. Instead of wiping your arousal from his mouth, he kisses you, sloppily, so that you can taste yourself. You pull away, your mouths attached by a string of saliva until Chris speaks, “You taste good, huh?”
He’s not really looking for an answer, though. He’s thinking about whether or not to go grab a condom from his wallet. His face keeps composure in a way that his dick doesn't - you can see how hard he is through his sweats. 
“How are you feeling?” Chris asks, trying to ease into the impending conversation about whether or not you want him - or Leon - to fuck you. 
“Amazing,” you say, the post-orgasm pink glow painting your face as evidence. 
“Is that so?” Leon asks, playing coy with you. “Do you mind if I find out for myself how good you’re feeling?”
He doesn’t wait for a reply before tracing your folds with his fingertips. When a whimper escapes you, he dares to dip one digit inside you. 
“Too sensitive,” you protest. 
“Done for the night?” Leon asks. 
“No. Just give me a couple minutes.”
Chris and Leon meet eyes, both with the same grin appearing on their faces, conspiratorial and juvenile, somehow. It’s like young boys who know they’re about to do something that would send their mother into a tizzy if she found out. This whole rendezvous would give your mother - who’s sleeping upstairs, blissfully unaware - a heart attack if she caught the three of you in flagrante delicto. 
Chris goes hunting for condoms in his luggage. 
In the meanwhile, you spend your time doting on Leon, lazily playing with his dick, which looks painfully hard. You don’t want to risk him cumming too soon, so you opt for running your tongue along the shaft, stopping at the head to swirl your tongue around it. Leon’s breath is heavy, and when your hand finds its way to his balls, cradling them gently, his breath hitches. There’s a flash of something akin to panic in his eyes. It’s a paradoxical urgency - he needs to cum, but he needs to last. 
You pull away when you glance at Chris, who finds what he’s looking for tucked into Leon’s suitcase. 
“Did you think this was going to happen?” You ask Leon. 
“No, I just like to be prepared.”
“Whore,” Chris scoffs under his breath. 
“Pissed ‘cause you don’t get laid?” Leon taunts.
“Seems like I’m about to,” Chris says with a smile that’s directed at you. 
Leon and Chris work out the logistics as they go. It starts with Leon’s fingers pumping in and out of you. He curls them and hits your g-spot, making your back arch. Chris is quick - as quick as possible with the circumstances - to put a condom on. The show you’re getting is its own kind of foreplay. You find that the imprint of Chris’ dick, the one his sweatpants teased you with, did not do his size justice. Excitement, coupled with a more anxious anticipation, flowed through you. 
You’re transfixed by the sight. “I don’t think it’s gonna fit,” you say, truly doubting it. Your voice is candy-coated sweet despite the sincerity. 
“We’ll try our best,” Chris says, encouraging Leon to stretch you out a bit more in preparation. 
You end up on your hands and knees with Chris behind you and Leon cock-to-face with you. Chris has one hand kneading your ass while the other is wrapped around his dick, lining it up at your entrance. Leon’s movement is synchronized, except one hand cups your cheek and the other holds his dick, teasing your lips, coaxing you to open.
Your lips part naturally when you feel the stretch of Chris’ initial thrust, slow, steady, inch-by-inch and you moan. Leon shuts you up the best way he knows how. Enthusiastically, you take him as far as you can. Tears prick in your eyes when he nears the back of your throat. 
Once he’s fully inside you, Chris gets into a comfortable rhythm. You try to replicate the cadence with your mouth working on Leon, who’s already beginning to babble. 
“You look so - fuck - perfect like this,” and “It’s like you were made for it,” and “Fuck, you’re doing so - fuck, just like that. 
Leon’s mouthy, won’t shut up until Chris tells him to. “Make me,” Leon says without thinking. He’s running on autopilot anyway. Chris grabs his face and kisses him hard on the lips, and Leon’s a whore, not just for women, so he gets sloppy with his kisses. It’s hair-pulling, tongue-heavy, the kind that leaves your lips raw. 
Chris fucks you harder and Leon’s hands remain on Chris’ face to keep himself from taking you by the ponytail and forcing himself down your throat. You do end up where he wants you - with your nose touching his abdomen. It’s by your own determination, desperate to please him, please them both, please yourself. 
Leon pulls away from Chris and his breath catches in his throat. He runs his fingers through his hair. You know he’s desperate, teetering on edge, and the force of Chris’ hips, the sound of skin slapping against skin, along with the sight of Leon’s self-restraint crumbling, leads you to your peak. The pressure builds rapidly and you are consumed by your climax. 
Chris’ voice is an echo in the background, mirroring your moans - which reverberate through Leon’s body. You hear from behind you, “Oh fuck - you’re so tight, gonna make me cum.” It’s barely a warning before you feel the throbbing of his orgasm, his rhythm faltering. Leon follows close behind. His attempt to warn you is futile. His head tips back and his release fills your mouth in spurts. He has to bite his knuckles to stop the pornographic moan that threatens to escape him. 
The roll of Chris’ hips slows to a stop and he pulls out, discarding the condom in the trashcan while Leon catches his breath. 
He’s still panting when he says, “Sorry, I came without a warning.”
“S’okay. I could tell you were about to, anyway,” you say with a smile that draws Leon’s lips to yours. 
Chris picks you up without a word. 
“Where are we going?” you ask. 
“Bathroom,” he says. 
You cling to him with your tired arms. 
“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna drop you.” His voice holds a certain tenderness that you didn’t expect. 
He drops you off and closes the door, giving you privacy. When you return, you’re greeted by both men who have re-dressed themselves, preparing to dress you too. This level of attention makes your cheeks flush. 
“I feel like a princess,” you say as Leon helps you into your pajamas.
“You are,” he says as if he believes it to be unequivocally true. 
Chris carries you to bed and Leon pulls back the covers so you can be properly tucked in. You get a kiss on each cheek and two on the forehead before they leave. 
You ask, somewhat embarrassed if either of them will sleep in your bed with you. Your bed isn’t big enough for three, so they take turns. One of them keeps watch because, knowing that if you’re caught, they’ll never be allowed back, while the other embraces you. 
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asgardiansofthegalaxyvol3 · 4 months ago
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I was a fool. An absolute bafoon. Deadpool and Wolverine 2: the musical starts with a montage of their daily life to the soundtrack of Accidentally in Love (from shrek) to WADE falling in love with Logan, not the other way around, because honestly who better than Deadpool? He can girlishly kick his feet and smile sweetly to the camera and (badly) play it off when Logan is actually looking at him. And it’s just them being domestic. Logan cooking, Wade sneaking glances throughout the day, can even have them fighting something together. And of course it ends with them platonically sharing a bed and you can see Wade wanting to reach out to Logan but he doesn’t, just goes to sleep instead.
And one way or another they’re fighting some big bad magical being, and honestly Marvel it doesn’t really matter who you pick. All they need is to be able to use magic and get pissed that 1-Wade can’t die and 2- he never shuts the HELL up. And bam, instant curse. The entire world is a musical and Deadpool has to suffer the consequences (being annoyed by the constant noise of everyone singing)
Except he LOVES it. He walks down the street and hears someone singing about cheating on their spouse, someone singing about how they miss their dog at home, and someone getting increasingly angry about traffic through the open window of their car. And the icing on the cake is that his roommate, THE Hugh Jackman is cursed too. Since y’all wanna make him be the Wolverine until he’s 90 you can at least throw him a bone and let him sing again, it’s what he was made to do. And since Ryan can’t/wont/doesn’t like to sing it gives him the opportunity not to, plus it has comedic effect if he’s bland and boring, making comments through everyone’s songs. Social commentary on people’s rhymes/pitch/beats. The potential is limitless. They should also have multiple people who are just genuinely bad singers, because that’s just how the real world works.
And by the third act Wade has had enough of the singing. “Can everyone shut the fuck up for five minutes PLEASE. Not you, Logan, you have the voice of an angel, please keep going.”
And since Disney owns them now they can have a scene of Logan singing ‘i won’t say I’m in Love’ from Hercules with Ellie, Yukio, and Blind Al as the muses because surprise surprise the main story is Wade trying to undo this Musical curse but the subplot is Wade and Logan both being in love with each other but both being too emotionally constipated and unaware to make a move on each other. And you know what, if the power of hand holding and gay love could save the day last time, maybe it can do it again this time. I’m thinking something cheesy like an off key duet between Wade and Logan that ends in a kiss, but I’ve never been great at endings so I’ll leave it up to Ryan.
And bam @vancityreynolds I’ve got the outline of your new movie right here. I’ll accept payment in the form of one meet and greet with you and Hugh where I can take a picture of you guys holding my Toddler so I can frame it, hang it on the wall, and ask her for the rest of her life how she could possibly not remember something that happened when she was under 2 years old.
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moutainrusing · 5 months ago
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pen pals
943 words, @wolfstarmicrofic
On the other side of town, there was a hospital, where children in need of long-term care spent their days and nights. On this side of town, there was a boarding school, where children in need of discipline spent their days and nights.
As an act of further discipline, the Headteacher, Professor McGonagall, had decided that the students of Diagon Academy should write a letter to a patient in Pomfrey’s Hospital, and forge a new friendship, become pen pals for life.
According to Sirius, she was delusional. But he still wrote a letter.
- - -
With his incredibly bony, stick-like, shaking fingers, Remus wrote a letter to someone in the rich, stuffy boarding school, who would apparently become his pen pal for life. (Unlikely.) Firstly, he was Remus. No one wanted to be his friend. Even if they weren’t in their right mind, he was a sick, frail loser, unable to do anything except stutter and sit in awkward silence.
Secondly, the people at Diagon Academy were judgemental snobs. Posh and pretentious and loaded. Why would he befriend that?
- - -
Minerva and Poppy sorted through the letters in companionable chatter, pairing a student with a patient in a match they hoped would lead to a long-lasting friendship.
Once the pairs had been made, the children could keep addressing letters to their pen pal; the school Prefects and hospital wardens would be able to deliver the letters by reading the name on the envelope, ensuring the children got the privacy they needed to open up to each other.
Minerva wanted the slightly troubled (okay, very troubled) students at her school to learn how to care for someone who didn’t live in their narrow-minded world, and Poppy wanted the minorly self-loathing (okay, very self-loathing) patients at her hospital to open up to the possibilities of the world around them. Together, the couple had come up with the idea of pen pals, and together, they wanted this to work so badly.
“I think we’ve found the perfect pair,” Minerva commented as she held Remus’s and Sirius’s letters side-by-side.
Poppy grinned. “I bet those two’ll end up more than friends.”
- - -
Dear pen pal (for life, apparently; I think the nurse may be barmy, but she’s well-intentioned and she’s my favourite and I want it to be known that I am doing this for her. So if I make an embarrassment of myself, it was for her. And I’ll never even get out of this hospital, so I don’t care if you think I’m weird.)
I’m supposed to write about myself. I’m fifteen. I’m a boy. I’ve been sick for as long as I can remember and I look like undercooked pastry. I like reading. There’s not a lot you can do in hospital. But you do get stickers. I’m actually fond of my sticker album. You get a sticker for every injection you take, and when I was younger, I used to get stickers for talking, because I was and am an anti-social freak. I’m really selling this.
Anyway, I’ve organised the pages of my sticker album because I have nothing better to do. There’s a page for leaves from deciduous trees, animals that specifically live in the savanna, fruits which are FRUITS and that includes tomatoes, and a lot of other fully sorted pages. This is my legacy. I might die any day but I still made this impact.
Look, if you’ve read this far, I’ll have to assume you’re as weird as I am.
Yours,
Remus Lupin
Sirius traced over the wobbly penmanship of his pen pal with a grin on his face. Remus was funny. And nice. Those seemed like such simple adjectives, but Sirius meant them to such an intense degree.
He got to writing back about how he was so much weirder than Remus. Although Remus must already know that from Sirius’s introductory letter.
- - -
Dear pen pal,
Minnie, our lovely Headteacher, and my future wife, even though she’s resistant to my charms at the moment (I don’t know why, I’m literally the hottest hunk of meat in this school I’m kidding sorry too soon) (also it may be because she’s gay and so am I) anyway, Minnie came up with the fanciful idea of pen pals. She really hopes this will mean something, and I don’t wanna let her down now, do I?
I mean, I also hope this means something because she has POISONED my brain with these delusional fantasies, and so has my best mate. James really believes this will benefit the country or something from the way he talks.
So, about myself. (It may seem I like talking about myself. I hate it. I’d rather show people who I am.) So, I’m not gonna talk about myself! I’m mysterious like that. Oh-so-interesting.
Like, yesterday, James and I put bouillon cubes into all the shower-heads and the boys ended up smelling like chicken broth (us included). It was fucking GROSS. And fucking awesome. Minnie immediately knew it was us though. My mystery works on everyone but her (another reason we’re soulmates, I should tell her).
LOTS OF LOVE
SIRIUS BLACK, EL AMOR DE TU VIDA
Remus actually snorted. He’d been worried, initially, to see ‘POISONED’ glaring at him in swirling cursive when he cast a cursory glance down the letter, but then he saw ‘THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE’ in Spanish, and found that Sirius was a hyperbolic little shit.
He proceeded to write a letter to tell him exactly that. Oh, and another prank idea, because why not? It wasn’t like he’d be suspected. Maybe he could help Sirius and James with an original idea that couldn’t possibly be pinned on them.
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ladykailitha · 2 months ago
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A Love Connection Part 1
In a very special engagement (as in a don't normally post 5 days a week), I introduce "A Love Connection"!
If the premise looks familiar the original idea is from here, where a couple of people in the notes or tags said they'd love to try it. And after a year, I figured I'd try my own hand at the idea.
This will update on Tuesdays at 10am and 10pm EST. With hopefully eight chapters.
Summary: Steve has tried everything under the sun to find someone to truly connect with, so he gives up after a particularly horrible date. Then Chrissy introduces him to her favorite game show "Love Connection". When Chrissy and Robin apply for him, they don't think they'll except him, but he does. His suitors are Billy Hargrove, Tommy Hagan, and Eddie Munson. Will Steve crash and burn again or will his connection be there waiting for him?
~
Look, to say Steve’s love life was a disaster would be unfair. That would be underselling it. It was a fucking catastrophe. He had gone to bars, joined hobby groups, used all the apps, even Grindr; though that was mostly for hookups, which sucked. But that was the nature of the beast if he was honest.
And the beast had completely devoured him. All his dates were either only interested the casual, cheated on him, or wanted one-night stands. Which Steve absolutely did not want. He wanted connection. Intimacy.
“I absolutely give up,” he whined to Robin, after the last date tried to slip out in the middle of the night, knocked over their lamp into their goldfish bowl, killing the goldfish, then he tried to hide the evidence by dumping it down the garbage disposal and turning it on! Lied about it, then stole their last beer as “compensation for his trauma’ and told Steve to never call him again.
“Look, Ryan wasn’t the best guy,” Robin replied with a grimace. “He liked Oasis and Tool unironically. Always a red flag.”
Steve snorted. Robin was a music snob most days, but she wasn’t wrong about that. Ryan and he had been dancing around and with each other for weeks before they finally got so hot and heavy that they went back to Steve’s for sex.
“It’s not fair,” he huffed. “You went to that bar and you a hottie girlfriend and I went to that bar and fucked a fish killer! I loved Garfield! He lived for five years before that bastard mercilessly murdered him. That’s long than my last ten relationships combined!”
Robin winced. “Ooh... I’m going to have to call Chrissy and let her know we can’t go back to that gay bar again.”
“Oh he’s so dead now!” Steve ranted. “Not only is he fish killer, he has driven us from our favorite bar!”
“Let me order us some take out,” Robin said standing up, “then I’ll call Chrissy over and we’ll all cry over Ciarán Hinds and Amanda Root falling in love.”
Steve sniffed away a couple of tears and nodded. “Then can we have a funeral for Garfield?”
Robin tilted her head and smiled sadly. “Of course we can. It’s a Sunday so none of us have work. We can watch as many weepy romance movies as you want, okay?”
“Okay,” Steve croaked. She gave him a big hug and kissed his cheek. He watched her wander into the kitchen to see what leftovers they had in the fridge so they could order from somewhere else. He loved her so much.
~
Sometime in the afternoon when they were more than a little tipsy, Chrissy commandeered the remote and turned on her favorite game show.
“Love Connection”
“Noooo...” Steve whined, burying his head into a throw pillow. It was Garfield shaped. It was what inspired the naming of the valiant fish. “This is the last thing I want to see. It’s so fake. No one gets together on these things. It’s so cheesy.”
“Exactly!” Chrissy crowed. “That’s why it’s perfect, we get to make fun of them!”
Steve thought that the only good part of the show was the second half. The first half was split into three different rounds. The first round was each suitor answer the one question, for a total of fifteen and then the catch would rank them, best got three points, second two, and third only one.
Then in the second round there were a set of rapid fire either or questions that the catch would yell out and the suitors would write down their answers. If their answer matched the catch’s they would get a tally. Whoever had the most tallies would win five points. Then three points to second place and one to the last place.
Then in the final round, each suitor would be asked separate questions and the catch would rate their answer one through three and that’s how many points they would get. Then at the end of the round all the points would be tallied up and the two highest would move on to the next round.
To the part that Steve actually liked. The first question always asked was “what would you do for a first date?” And the suitors got to take the catch out for the date and then afterward for drinks, the two dates would ask the catch some of the questions he asked them. Then the catch would pick the one they connected to the best.
It was all the stupid questions that bothered Steve. That was the fun part of dating, having these conversations and learning about them as you go. But then maybe that’s what Steve’s problem was, is that the people he dated didn’t care about these types of conversations.
“Why would you say you hate sports,” Steve huffed, waving his hand at the screen, “when the guy is a major soccer fan? Like did she think that she was going to put a stop to him enjoying it after starting dating?”
“Ooh yeah,” Chrissy agreed. “Just pick a different catch.”
Robin turned to her and tilted her head. “Do they get to chose their catch? I thought it was all random.”
Chrissy paused the show and pulled out her phone and the Wikipedia article. “Okay, it says here that people can apply to be suitors,” she waved at the row of women in the three booths. “Or catches.” She indicated the guy with her hand. “If they’re chosen to be a suitor then they are given a list of catches, headshot included. Then they rank vote them, so if four people pick Henry, then one will be on their second rank vote. And that part is randomized. According to them, anyway.”
Steve snorted. He highly doubted anything was randomized or voted on. They went for the biggest drama and everyone knew it.
“How long has this show been going on?” he huffed. “Like please tell it’s new and shiny and that’s why people like it.”
Robin snorted and shook her head. “Sorry, babe. But this is season twelve.”
“Oohh...” Chrissy said. “We need to show him the season six finale. That was hella juicy!”
So despite Steve’s protests, Chrissy pulled it up on her streaming services even though they hadn’t even finished the episode they were on.
When the credits rolled, Steve stared at the screen in utter shock. “What the honest fuck was that?”
Two of the three guys got into an all out brawl when the one guy had scored the lowest and felt that the second place suitor cheated. Not first place, second. Both guys were arrested and hauled off the set.
“It came out later Sven was right,” Robin said. “Elliot cheated. His cousin was an ex of the catch so he went in knowing a lot about Stella. The things he got wrong were things that had changed since she was dating his cousin.”
Chrissy nodded. “That’s why the have partitions up between the suitors now and why they have vigorous screening now. The show was almost canceled.”
“So why wasn’t it?” Steve asked honestly. “That was a shit show, if I was Stella I would have sued them into oblivion.”
Robin squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. “She did, but they settled out of court.”
“Basically,” Chrissy said, pouring them more wine and handing the first glass to Steve, “she wanted them to completely overhaul the system. She didn’t want it off the air, she wanted it safer for future participants.”
“The more the fool them,” Steve huffed. He took a long sip of his wine. “All right, fine. Let’s start at the beginning.”
Robin and Chrissy cheered and they all huddled up together on the sofa to watch this absolute train wreck of a show.
They were about half way through the third season and twice as drunk when Steve slurred, “Why are there no gay peemles in this? It’s a trav–trad–tramajesty.”
“Travesty!” Robin slurred back, her language skills always being the last to go when she’s three sheets to the wind. “And you are absolutely right! This is homophobic!”
Chrissy nodded solemnly and pulled out her phone. “I’mma show them...” she muttered with her tongue sticking out. “At loveconnectionUSA Need more gays, hashtag loveconnection hashtag need more gays.”
It wasn’t long after that that the three of them passed out on the sofa, empty bottles all around them and a message on the screen asking if they’re still watching.
~
There was a loud beeping noise and it absolutely was hurting his head. He reached over to where his phone was usually plugged in on his nightstand, but his hand went straight through it. He waved his arm all over the place but still his nightstand eluded him.
He peaked open one eye but his vision was obscured by a mass of blonde hair. He tried to push it out of the way but it kept falling back into his face. Finally he pushed Robin off him and onto the floor with a thud.
“Hey!” she yelped.
Steve peered over the edge of the sofa with a look of confusion. “Why are you on the floor?” he muttered over the still beeping of his alarm.
“Stop!” he mumbled and somehow, blissfully it did.
“I’m on the floor because you pushed me there,” Robin huffed, getting to her feet. She did a sniff test and grimaced when she completely failed. “God... how much did we drink yesterday?”
Chrissy struggled to sit up and blinked at her girlfriend groggily. “Not enough if I feel like this.”
Steve rolled over and looked at them both in confusion, then the events of Saturday and all day Sunday came flooding back in.
“Oh fuck...” he muttered, sitting up himself and rubbing his face. One eye was blurry from where his contact had shifted in the night. He wasn’t even sure why he had them on. Probably from sheer force of habit.
He got up and stumbled toward the bathroom where he emptied his stomach of all its boozy contents. He really didn’t remember them eating after breakfast, only a steady stream of harder and harder liquor.
While his was puking his guts out, Chrissy and Robin stole the shower. Thankfully only taking the time they needed to get the gross feeling of being hungover off their skin.
Then Steve closed his eyes as they exited the shower and snuck into Robin’s room to get ready for work. They all worked at Hawkins Middle School, where Steve was a history teacher who coached swimming and basketball. Chrissy was a health teacher and advisor for cheerleading. And Robin was the language teacher. The principal snatched her up because she could teach French, Spanish, and Italian, with her only needing to hire a German teacher.
Steve got his shower and then opted for glasses instead of his contacts, not trusting his shaky hands not poke out his eye or some shit.
They all were mostly human once they got coffee, painkillers, and cereal in them, the three of them, no doubt looking like escaped extras from a zombie flick. They moved as one, gathering up their stuff and shuffling out to Steve’s car. Chrissy sat in the back, Robin riding shotgun.
Chrissy opened her phone to check to see if she had any messages. “Holy shit!”
~
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
Look I'd be sorry about the cliffhanger, but you're only waiting 12 hours for it, soooo...
Have fun!
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2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system
3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog
4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji
5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon
6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman
7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth
8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss
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