#long winded way to say i love 'myself' as a whole bunch of people and not just one guy

[itemcrash]

being more open abt system stuff is so scary bccause i am still so very damaged by things ppl think and im so flipfloppy on being ashamed or not but also it feels nice to do so in like situations where i am not in actual danger because of it (lke i cant do that irl.) i genuinely dont feel like oh yeah im the one guy in the body like auh. its everyones body we're a bunch of guys in a trenchcoat and i consider a lot of alters just lik. my siblings so it feels nice to acknowldge them. idk. whatever. *expodes*

[helionpegasus]

ceilings part 5

Azriel x Reader

masterlist

summary: Reader always had vivid dreams due her Seer heritage. But things take a twist in her life when she wake up in a world that is not hers and the loving male that were always in her dreams shows to be very different from what she known him to be.

warning: none. but let me know if you find anything :)

words count: 1979

author's note: we're baaaack! now things will start happening more quickly and i'll try not making it too slowburn haha. i'll also include my personal theories in the story. anyway, hope you like it ❤️‍🩹

A whole month had passed.

The dream with little Azriel never happened again, and you didn’t know if this was good or bad. Because it wasn’t the only one to disappear, all the other dreams you used to have did.

All that surrounded your mind was what could that possibly mean. You came to Velaris because of those dreams, so it’s logical that you must need them to go back. So the possibility of not dreaming ever was starting to get the best of you.

The Shadowsinger being so wary of your being was not helpful at all. Once you talked about it with Nesta and she only said that “He’s like this. It’s nothing personal.”, but it feels extremely personal to you.

How he would stop talking about something once you enter the room, or send a bunch of his shadow to follow you through the House of Wind, and even look at you in a weird way during dinner.

Today you woke up to the rain pouring outside, the thunder humming low. When you enter the dining room to have breakfast, you find Nesta there, with a cup of tea in hand and a book in the other.

“No training today?” You ask sitting across from her and already putting a piece of strawberry pie that you found to be your favorite thing in this world.

“Headache. I’ll take the day off, since dealing with Cas and Az the whole day would only make it worse.” She said, taking a little laugh from you. You can’t even imagine what it was like to work with both of them.

“Well, today seems like a good day to relax. I don’t think the rain is gonna pass too soon.” You took the last bite from the pie.

“You’re right.” Nesta sighs. “I’m gonna give myself the privilege I didn’t have for so long: Spend the whole day in bed.”

“You deserve it!”

“Thank you! See you at dinner.” She took the last sip from her tea and exited the room going directly to the main hallway.

Unlike Nesta, you weren’t feeling so useful lately. So you think the best decision was to take your cup of tea to the library and continue your search, which you started last week but ended up in nowhere.

The floor you use to study wasn't much visited, you assumed the first time you went there. Even after having your presence for a whole week handling books and discovering shelves, all of them still have a layer of dust. And maybe the people who live here simply didn’t hold a curiosity in learning Prythian history, you thought that it would be a better option than the fact that this floor was so close to the darkness under it.

After hours of hard searching, because you are dealing with history and most of the books were written in the oldest language, your mind gets tired of it. Your tea was no longer hot and your eyes hurt from reading.

When your mind starts questioning if it was lunch time already you felt the presence. His presence. You could ignore how much it makes you uncomfortable, like you have been doing for all this time. But, today you were tired of it.

“You know I can feel when you are spying on me, right?” You say closing a book. Your back is still fronting him. “I’m just saying that, in case you didn't know, I think it would be good the information that I knew you were there all those times.” Then you finally turn to face him.

Azriel tried to not show the shock in his eyes, since this was the first time something like this was ever happening. He decides to stay silent, trying to form a sentence that wouldn’t make him sound like a stubborn child.

“Look, I don’t know what you have against me. But I already said a bunch of times that I’m willing to answer any question you have and I also said that Rhysand or Feyre can look in my mind if they want to.” You said looking into his eyes, hoping that he could see the truth in them.

You never stop being surprised with how his eyes could be so different looking at the same person. You.

“I don’t trust you.” He simply said.

Those words cut deep that you wanted to. With his low voice echoing in your head.

“Well…” You start, still gathering the right words to say and not betray how hurt you felt. “If I could help to change that, you certainly know where to find me.” You gave him a small smile that did not reach your eyes, and left the library not in the mood to continue your research anymore.

*

Azriel went straight to the River House after the quick conversation. Calling Rhys through his mind to an emergency meeting.

“You should look through her mind.” Azriel said when they entered the High Lord’s office.

“We already had this conversation a million times, Az.” Rhys says massaging his nose bridge. “She never was suspicious and never made any harm to any of us or the court.”

“Yet.”

“For Mother’s sake, Azriel.” Rhys rolls his eyes.

“I’m just saying that I think we should treat her like any stranger that enters the court out of nowhere.” Azriel said firmly with his opinion. “We gave her a roof the first day she came here. We don’t know anything about her, and I think this decision can put us in danger.”

“I wouldn’t make a decision to put any life in this court in danger, Azriel.” Rhysand's look was not friendly anymore. “And I don’t know what is happening with you lately. This is not the first time I say that you are having weird behavior.”

The Shadowsinger still remembers every word they shared in this same office in the first week you spent here.

“I’m just worried.” Az's voice was calmer this time. “I have noticed some things about her that I found strange.”

“And what would it be?”

“She can sense me around while I’m still hiding in the shadows.”

“She always had a weird connection with your shadows, we’re all working with that and she included.”

“Right. But I noticed that during her first nights, she disappeared.” 

“What do you mean?”

“When she went to sleep, she just disappeared for a few hours and then came back still sleeping. She did this for two or three nights and never did it again.”

Rhys was processing the information Azriel just said, his mind working on how she was capable of doing that on the House of Wind, a place that you could not winnow in or out.

“I can ask if she gives me the permission to look into her mind.” The High Lord says. “But if she doesn't, I will not force her to do so.” 

Azriel let out a sigh of relief, only nodding at his friend before leaving the office.

*

You weren’t expecting a reunion today. So when Nesta knocked on your door saying that everyone would meet in the living room, you needed to take time to fix yourself.

Everyone was already there when you arrived, and Feyre invited you to sit by her side.

“You must be wondering why we decided to do this unplanned meeting.” Rhysand says and you only nodded in confirmation. “We all want to help you to find answers and we need answers as well…”

“You want to look into my mind.” You finish his sentence.

You couldn’t keep your eyes from looking at Azriel for half a second. Remembering the convo early this morning.

“I’m only doing this with your permission and firstly, if you are comfortable with it.”

“You can look at it.” You look into his eyes, transmitting all the confidence you could gather.

Rhys took the spot in the chair in front of you. The first thing he did once he entered your mind was make himself present. He could be sneaky if he wanted to, you knew that from other experiences with Ruhn even if he only entered to communicate.

“I’ll show you everything and some things may need an answer. But I would prefer to answer all questions you may have privately.”

“You have my word.”

And you showed him everything.

The first of your dreams, the work you have been doing with your friends in Crescent City, your life with them and the University. Till what happened the day you came to their world, the fight with the strange creature and your last dream.

“The creature that attacked you was a kelpie.” Rhys said once he left your mind with all the information he needed.

The atmosphere of the room that was thick with expectation suddenly turns into shock and worry.

“A kelpie? In my world they look very different.” You say mostly to yourself.

“What do they look like?” Nesta asks to you.

“They are species that belong to the House of Many Waters. They are shapeshifters that appear mostly as a black horse and sometimes in a human form.”

“If those things were supposed to look like humans they are in the wrong shape.” Nesta says remembering her own fight with the creatures. That got a fit of laughter from everyone in the room.

“Thank you for showing me, (Y/N). Now that we have more details, maybe we can help you more.” Rhys said, offering you a soft smile.

“Since everyone is here, we should all take dinner together.” Cassian says and we all agreed.

“I will take Nyx and be back.” Feyre says going to the balcony with wings already appearing in her back.

“We can talk now if you want to.”  The High Lord offers and you give him a nod.

He leads you to the private library of the house. Much smaller than the one the priestesses work, but as beautiful.

You both sit on a couch near a window. You loved every view of this place, because Velaris was beautiful in every angle and every weather.

“I put a sound barrier and a shadow barrier, so we can talk freely.”

“What do you want to know?” You ask the male in front of you.

“You only dream with Azriel specifically, do you have any idea why?”

“No. I’ve been waiting for this answer and a bunch of other ones for a long time too, but the only one answer was learning his name when I arrived.”

“I’ve dreamed with Feyre before we met each other too…” He says with an expecting look that makes your cheeks warm.

“You think we are mates?” Rhys only smiles. “Well I bet that your dreams with Feyre were not like those, and I am certain that she wasn’t from another world.”

“Well, you’re right. But that can still be a possibility.” He took an invisible dust from his pants. “Warn me if those dreams return, we see what we can do to help.”

“I’ll let you know.” 

“Also, Azriel commented to me that you disappear while sleeping. Do you have any explanation for that? Because people weren’t supposed to be able to winnow from here.”

You gave him a questioning look. A million questions going through your mind.

“Disappear? I don’t have the power to winnow.”

“He said that it happened on your initial nights.”  Rhys was also confused. “You don’t remember exiting in the middle of the night?”

“No. Those nights I only dreamed.”

Then Rhysand started to connect all the points. He also didn’t see you in any other place besides your dreams, so you disappearing did not make sense. And he would know if you manipulated any of the memories.

The fact was that there were only dreams. Vivid dreams.

“I think that your dreams are where you disappeared to.”

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[heyidkyay]

Blueberry Muffin |

Okay, haven't posted anything much like this before but I've been sick, bored out of my mind, and have recently gotten reacquainted with my love for The 1975. So here's a cringy and crappy short fic for all my Matty Healy fans:) Just a forewarning, this hasn't been edited.

Summary: London, its many strangers, and a whole lot of guessing..?

Mentions: anxiety, food

--

Fuck.

Fuck-fuck-fucking-fuck.

The grit of my teeth had long since begun to hurt my jaw as I ground them together, but I paid it no mind and just continued to aimlessly tap away at my upper thigh. Questioning, once again, why I had forced myself into another one of these situations. Fucking London.

It wasn’t that I was some sort of recluse or anything like that, promise. It’s just that somedays my anxiety grew so intense it made me want to hide away from everything and anything. Even myself. 

But I’d had a somewhat decent nights sleep and woke up feeling alright, so I’d decided to venture out into the city to pick up some things I’d been putting off for a while now. December had come and gone, Christmas a bleary haze, and now that the January sales had finally died down, I figured that things might not be as hectic as they typically were so that I could just pop in and out. 

I really should’ve known better. 

London, even on the slowest of all days, was nothing if not polluted by people. And if there was one thing you could truly rely on, was that not a single one of them gave a shit about you. No, there was none of that Northern politeness here down south. And Central was the worst for it.

Still, it was home, and most days I liked the feeling of being nearly invisible. Because the city was also so incredibly easy to lose yourself in, you could blend seamlessly into the masses and nobody would be none the wiser. Yeah, there was a bump to the shoulder here, and the beep of an oncoming cab there. But no one remembered your face, or even the unhelpful apology that usually followed without a second glance.

Albeit saying that, here I was, stood on some random street corner, somewhere between Carnaby and Soho, outside a cafe or some other, struggling to resemble the simple act of appearing calm.

I was beyond ready to just head home, but knowing the underground like I did and the thought of having to sit within such a close proximity to a hundred other commuters was not something I felt like would help very much at this moment. So I’d ultimately decided to just head over to the nearest coffee shop and grab myself a brew. But yet, I was still stood here, agonising over the fact that to do exactly that, I would ultimately have to go inside and interact with even more people.

It seemed that my anxiety was winning the war this time around, because I just could not see myself doing it. So instead, I kept loitering, letting my eyes roam over the rest of the people that passed by me blissfully unaware. 

As mad as London was, it was also one of the best places to people-watch, there were thousands of people constantly bustling there way around and each of them wore some part of their story on their person. Whether it was a wine stained blouse, an exaggerated yawn, or a neon coloured mohawk peaking ten inches above an otherwise balding head.

So I found myself just idly watching as I took a moment to breathe, propping myself up against the nearest brick wall.

There were a bunch of school lads pissing about a little down the way, shoving and laughing amongst themselves whilst a couple of older women shook their heads in passing. I rolled my eyes and transferred my attention. I couldn’t help but chuckle under my breath at the grinning toddler who then blew past, a struggling parent staggering behind.

The wind today seemed gentle, although a tad bit cold, so I dragged the sleeves of my jumper down over my hands in an attempt to warm them slightly. It was then that a larger group caught my gaze. They had congregated just outside the tiny cafe I was stood beside, six or seven girls around my age, perhaps a little bit younger, all appeared to be clawing for the attention of some bloke they’d crowded around. I surveyed them a little in amusement- Oh, what most men would give, I thought with a soft snort.

I couldn’t see much of him, the man, just the top of his head really. A mass of dark curls. He appeared to be taking the sudden devotion in his stride though, talking back and forth animately, nodding along with enough enthusiasm that his hair sort of followed in a bounce of its own.

Another breeze hit then and as I shivered I wished that I’d remembered to grab my scarf on the way out this morning instead of just my headphones- which, were now almost completely dead. I was helplessly trying to save the last of their battery for the journey home, hoping they’d prove to be a welcomed distraction.

But when I glanced back up, I found that the group had dispersed somewhat. The girls were now wandering further away, all of them adorning huge smiles as their excited eyes kept trailing back over their shoulders. The guy though, had seemed to sort of vanish. Probably having slipped back into the oncoming traffic of people, I supposed. It was then that I silently scolded myself when I noticed I’d been rubbing the back of my thumb over my teeth again. It was an anxious tick of sorts, one that sometimes left my hands raw, and something my mum wholeheartedly hated. 

I smiled slightly at the reminder of her, she’d have started swatting as soon as I’d started up. 

Should probably give her a call later, now that I thought about it, maybe on the way home if I still felt like crap. That woman was godawful when it came to talking, could chat about absolutely anything at the best of times, but always knew how to best cheer me up.

“You alright?” Came a sudden voice, startling me from my tangent of thoughts.

I snapped my head over to where a man now stood about a foot away, leaning casually against the same wall, with a cigarette hanging from his lower lip. He seemed ready to light it from the way he was cradling a lighter just by his chin, but had paused once he’d taken note of my presence.

“Uh,” I stumbled, slightly taken aback. I’d not even realised he’d been stood there, nor was I prepared for an actual conversation. “Yeah, you?” I forced out on instinct, confused by the sudden exchange but not bewildered enough to not give that typical greeting its usual half-arsed reply.

The guy hummed as he lit his cigarette, taking a quick drag before he let it hang loosely between his fingertips. My brow furrowed, certain that this was the same bloke I’d just seen, the one who’d suddenly disappeared from his swarm of adoring fans.

“It’s just,” The man begun again, blowing remnants of smoke out the side of his mouth. “You seem a little jumpy, like you’re waiting for something to happen. Wanted to know what I was getting myself into, standing here beside you. Not plotting nothing, are you?”

I choked a little on my next laugh, a bit disbelieving. “And if I was?” I found myself asking before I could think better of it. 

As the guy shrugged, his lip curled enough to make his nose twitch. The picture of indifference. 

Then he turned to me with a shit-eating grin, “So go on then, who’re you stalking? An old flame, the one who got away… A maths teacher who gave you a crappy mark?”

I quirked a brow. 

“Um,” Unable to stop myself from blowing out a quiet chuckle, “None of the above?” Phrasing it like a question.

“How boring.” The guy dragged out, letting his head fall against the brick work, his curls cushioning its landing. He looked at me then, and I could sort of make out where his eyes were from behind the dark shades he was wearing.

I hummed, feigning offence. “That hurts, coming from you- the guy wearing sunglasses on a day without sun.”

His mouth twitched as he took another drag. “It’s London, love. There’s never any sun.”

I shook my head at him and looked away in attempt to hide my smile.

It was quiet for a few moments after that, but he was still stood there so I figured that that had been the end of our short interaction. My anxiety had dulled somewhat but I couldn’t help the way I’d begun to play with the zip of my jacket, eyes scanning the crowds as my mind found a soft rhythm in the metal’s sound. 

My attention differed when I heard him move again and glanced over to find him stumping out his fag beneath the heel of his boot. When he met my gaze he held it for a slow second before he said, “Wait here, yeah.”

He wandered off then, too quickly for me to question him or utter a reply to that strange demand, he’d just left me to watch him round the corner. 

And so I frowned, staring into the space he’d just occupied, before a huffy laugh slipped out and I found myself shaking my head once again.

Living in London, you met the oddest sorts. Someone asking for something or other as they passed you by, another nutter off their head offering up their life story as you waited for the bus to come. But I’d never really had an exchange like that.

Wait here. I mulled the words over.

With nothing better to do, and not really sensing any immediate danger headed my way, I decided to take perch on the cobbled curb of the side street I’d been lingering on. If I was going to wait, then I’d sit and do so. I couldn’t much be arsed to stand about any longer. My legs were already stiff from standing for ages trying to pluck up enough courage to head into that stupid coffee shop, and the wind had decided then to pick up. 

Besides, the guy hadn’t been half-bad to look at, I could see why the girls had grown quite attached. 

So it was there that the stranger found me when he returned, lips pursed as he rounded the corner. When he noticed me sat there though his smile widened and he manoeuvred himself quite quickly onto the curb beside me, easily enough that he didn’t upset the cardboard tray he held in one hand and the bag he had in the other.

“Thought you’d wandered off for a second there.” He commented, dropping the bag between his folded legs to pluck a drink from the tray. He then handed the warm cup to me and I seemed to take it on impulse. “Good that you hadn’t though, would’ve gone to waste otherwise.” He added as he gestured with his head towards the steaming cup I now cradled confusedly. He was rummaging around for the bag again before I could even work up the words to question what was happening. He tossed it towards me. “That too.”

“Um…” I said, eyes flitting between the drink, the bag, and the man himself. 

“A thanks wouldn’t go amiss.” I heard him say, and finally looked back up to find him wearing an amused but cocky smirk.

“What?”

He gestured at the cup again and I peered down, taking note of the logo which I then realised belonged to small cafe sat beside us.

“This is for me?”

He just stared blankly back at me.

“Why?” I finally questioned, coming to my senses.

“Why not?” He retorted smartly, already sipping at his own drink.

I blinked whilst I tucked a small strand of hair behind my ear, unsure.

“It’s not poisoned.”

With a unhelpful snort I said, “Sounds promising. What is it then?”

“Was gonna grab you a coffee- figure, everyone likes coffee.” He started with an animated shrug. “But you seemed a bit jittery already, so went with tea instead. Oh,” He stopped to pull a couple of tiny pots from his coat pocket and dumped them onto the road between us. “Milk.”

“And if I liked sugar?” I found myself teasing as I opened the plastic lid, pouring in a good amount of milk into the dark brew. I blew at the rim to watch the steam whirl into the air before I took a small sip, my eyes found his, still hidden behind those dark glasses he wore.

“Then I’d tell you to go fuck yourself.”

“Fair enough.” I chuckled, liking his bluntness, then held up the cup as I added, “Thank you, though- for this.”

He simply waved me off. As though it was no big deal.

I set the tea down on the pavement beside me for a moment to peer into the bag he’d tossed my way. I tried to bite back a pleased grin when I turned to him. “We’re sharing this, by the way.”

His forehead wrinkled from over his cup.

“Bossy, I like it.” Was what he came out with, before he dipped his chin slightly in discouragement. “But no, you’re all good. Have it.”

I shook my head at him. “Come on, we can split it.” I said, already pulling the sweet treat he’d purchased halfway out of the paper bag. 

He quirked a brow. “How? It’s a muffin, just keep it.”

“It’s blueberry though.”

The guy just looked back at me, lost but somewhat curious. “What the fuck does it being blueberry have to do with it?”

“Everything. Blueberry muffins are the best sort.” I shrugged as though the answer had been obvious, pulling at the cake’s top to split it horizontally through the middle. I handed him his half then shook the crumbs off of my jacket sleeve. “I’m taking the top part though, sorry.” I added, already tearing into the dome shaped top.

He adverted his gaze between myself and the cased muffin’s bottom a few times. Almost like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

I hummed in appreciation at the sweet flavour that coated my tongue before peering back over at him, he seemed to be watching me but I couldn’t be sure.

“What?” I question, feeling a tad self-conscious under his gaze.

“Blueberry. You’re claiming that blueberry is the best of all the muffin flavours. That’s astounding to be frank. I’m actually baffled. I mean, blueberry… Really?”

I merely grinned.

“Really.”

He shook his head, holding his tongue between his front teeth to keep from smiling too.

He kicked a leg out then, sitting his drink on the gravel road to take a taste of the soft treat. He seemed to mull the flavour over a bit before he finally grunted, “It’s alright.”

“Alright? Just alright?” I retorted, almost offended on the muffin’s behalf. “This-“ I held up my segment, “is almost perfect.”

One word seemed to catch his attention though, he cocked a brow. “Almost?”

I hummed, not bothering with a reply as I broke off another chunk and tossed it into my mouth.

His tongue danced over his lower lip and left the topic be. I took the moment to grab my tea again, appreciating the warmth of it in my palms. That’s when I caught the name sharpied onto its side.

I snorted, “What’s with Frankenstein?”

His eyebrows lifted up over the rim of his glasses as he turned to face me, but he seemed to make sense of what I’d meant when he caught me cradling the cup. He laughed but didn’t comment any further.

I couldn’t help my smile by this point, “Come on. What’s your real name then?”

He smirked. “Now where’s the fun in that?”

“Um, so I can thank you properly?” I suggested, but immediately wished I hadn’t.

“Properly, hm?” He parroted back, that cocky smile of his was back in full beam. “I can think of a hundred different ways you could thank me properly without even needing to know my name.”

His grin only grew wider when he saw the mostly disgusted look plastered on my face. I scoffed playfully.

“I might’ve just been stood on a street corner, but I can promise you now that that’s not happening.”

A sharp bark erupted from him, but it didn’t seem to garner any attention from anyone else, as though we’d created our own little bubble. “I like it. But we’ll see.”

I rolled my eyes but decided to move on. “You’re really not going to give me your name then?”

He acted as though he was mulling it over. “What do I get in return?” He asked with a small jerk of his chin, then seeing my unimpressed stare, he added, “I’m just messing about, darling. How about- you guess it.”

“You’re not being serious.” At his nod, I all but groaned, “How am I supposed to guess your name? Do you know how long we could be sat here?”

He shrugged a shoulder and went in for another bite of the blueberry muffin. “Don’t know, but you’re the one who’s guessing so I’d get started.”

I thinned my lips. “At least give me a clue then.”

He eyed me for a moment, then wiped at his mouth before he ultimately dipped his head. “Alright. But this is your only one, yeah?”

I thought about it briefly then nodded unhappily, it was probably the best offer I was going to get out of him. 

He grinned as though he’d won some sort of prize, but before I could snark back he was prattling away again. “Okay. It’s common, I’ll give you that. But that's all you’re getting.”

“Common.” I thought about it as I brought a knee up to my chest to rest my chin against. “So are we talking Bible sort of common, or just British?”

“Ah, ah, ah. That’s cheating. Only the one clue, remember.”

I exhaled huffily before chewing on the inside of my cheek. 

“Jack.” I guessed.

He shook his head.

“John?”

He snorted, “No.”

“James? Jacob!”

“Fuck me, what’s with all the J’s?”

“So it doesn’t start with a J.” I smiled triumphantly but my victory was rapidly swept away when he hit back with, “Never said that.”

Even with his denial, I switched it up a bit and took the time to carefully observe him. He definitely seemed like someone who owned his name. Meaning, that he wasn’t a Tom who looked a lot more like a Harry. 

Immediately I removed those two names from the mental list I was rapidly curating, deciding that they didn’t much suit him.

I was almost unaware of myself as I looked at him, taking in the small details he offered to the world. The hollow of his cheeks, the scruff on his chin, the wrinkles dotted around his mouth and hairline. I wished for a moment to see the colour of his eyes then, believing that they might share a few more of his secrets.

“Oli?” I tried, then instantly decided against it, “How about George?”

He shook his head again at the first, and laughed a little harder at the second. I chewed at my lip. 

“This is difficult.”

He hummed, obviously finding amusement in my struggle as he sipped at his drink again.

I tapped away at my knee before kicking my leg out in mild frustration, not thinking too hard about the way my boot had lightly nicked his extended leg.

“Um,” I drawled out in dwindling thought. “William, but you keep it short… So, Will?”

“Nope.” 

“Christopher?”

“Look, you’re close with the length.” He mentioned. 

I grinned at him in complete surprise and he grunted unhappily when the realisation hit him that he’d just offered me up another clue.

“Nicholas? I think you could be a Nick-” I paused, tilting my head one way, then another. “No wait, actually no.” I grimaced at the thought, then sighed. “I have zero clue here.”

“Ah, come on, love. You can’t give up just as you’re getting close.” He encouraged, I pulled a face at him, hating the fact that he was finding this whole charade entertaining.

“Just tell me.” I pleaded.

“Nah.”

“Come on. Why not?”

He shook his head, smiling all the while. “‘Cause.”

I narrowed my eyes.

Taking another aggressive bite out of my muffin, I let my gaze roam over his attire, taking in the dark oversized pilots jacket he had layered over a slightly longer linen shirt, which was a few shades lighter than that of his trousers. The trousers were crumpled from the way he’d chosen to sit but otherwise seemed to fit him well, a beige sort of colour that led straight into a pair of heavy black docs.

A few more names lingered on the tip of my tongue but ultimately I decided on, “Matthew.”

His face perked up upon hearing it and I was celebrating before he could even confirm it for me. 

“Fucking dragged that out.” He said with false fatigue, to which I swatted his arm for, but he leant away, chuckling all the while. 

When I relented he made a show out of repositioning himself- somewhat closer now than he had originally been, which I vaguely noticed but chose not to comment on. He rubbed at the tip of his nose briefly then, before he finally- finally- tugged off those godawful glasses he wore, making a home for them in his nest of curls.

I quietened down.

Brown. His eyes were brown. And they were bright and earnest and wrinkled by his smile.

I couldn’t not grin right back at him. 

“Matthew.” I practically declared, happy to have won. 

He shook his head in laughter, “Now, before you go getting ahead of yourself, it’s actually Matty.”

Hm, yeah, that sounded more like him. 

“Matty.” I couldn’t help but repeat, somewhat quieter than before.

We shared a look then that seemed to last a century and yet a second. I blinked. 

“Am I gonna have to guess yours now? Payback and all that.” Matty queried, and had somehow procured a pack of cigarettes in his hands. He lit one.  

“Oo, should I?” I ask, half tempted, and finished off the dregs of my muffin, wiping away what little remained. “Feel like we’d be here all day then.”

Matty offered up the lit cigarette. He’d already taken a slow drag, and I wasn’t much of a smoker, but it had honestly been a day, so I accepted, watching him as I inhaled.

“Is it something cool?” He quizzed, palms splayed out now across the pavement behind us as he relaxed further. I frowned at him, not catching what he meant. “Your name.” He chuckled.

“Oh, I dunno really. Bit uncool to say your name’s cool though, ain’t it?”

“Depends on whether your name’s actually cool or not.” Matty commented, and I couldn’t not laugh as he continued on, “If you’ve got a generic fucking name like- I don’t know- Andy, and think it’s proper cool then that’s just a bit sad. I mean, Andy. Really? How bland can you be? But you come out with something like Megatron, then…” He shrugged, “You’re sort of set for life. Kids will think your sick, and you’d be in there the second you mention it when you’re out trying to pull.”

“I fucking doubt that.”

“Ah, come on! You mean to tell me you wouldn’t shag a bloke called Ezekiel or some crap like that?” Matty demanded, seemingly in disbelief.

“Ezekiel- where the fuck have you just pulled that name from?” I couldn’t not ask.

“Hebrew, ain't it?” Matty brushed over, before continuing on with his argument. I just sat there and listened, chiming in here and there to wind him up further, but was mostly entertained by his take on the topic.

“Fuck!” He all but shouted with a strangled sort of laugh— in the time he’d been ranting, he’d already lit two more cigarettes and downed the last of his coffee. “Why’d you let me ramble on? I was meant to be getting your name!”

I smiled and moved to sit in a more comfortable position, crossing my legs. “You can talk for England, you. Not my fault you don’t know when to shut up.”

Matty didn’t seem to mind the jeering, he snorted as he sidled closer on the curb. “So go on, your name.” He prompted, brown eyes teasing and bright under the afternoon sun.

I rolled my own before letting them stray to the left, up and over to where people still seemed to be bustling past the side street, unaware of us, or just uncaring.

“Y/n.” I relented, turning my head back towards Matty.

He stared long and hard at me for a second, appearing to rest my name between the cusp of his teeth, right there on the tip of his tongue. And then he spoke, “Y/n. Suits you.” 

I quirked a brow, “Oh, yeah?”

Matty hummed with a smile. “Yeah. Reckon I could’ve guessed it easily.”

I couldn’t help the god awful snort I released as I shook my head in exasperation, hair brushing against the shoulders of my jacket as it fell forward. “You’re a twat.”

But he didn’t seem to mind it.

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

(Saw someone do this and decided it seemed fun~

link to my ao3 here)

How many works do you have on AO3?

85.

What's your total AO3 word count?

915,568 words~

 What fandoms do you write for?

Currently it’s for Helios Rising Heroes, Hypnosis Mic, Obey Me, Paradox Live, and Twisted Wonderland!

I’ve previously written for A3!, Ace Attorney, Ace of Diamond, Borderlands, Bungou Stray Dogs, Free!, Fire Emblem Three Houses, Fire Force, Gorillaz, Hero Academia, Kuroko no Basuke, Magi, Naruto, Red Dead Redemption, Run with the Wind, RWBY, Shokugeki no Souma, Stardew Valley, Tokyo Ghoul

Top five fics by kudos?

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes [Twisted Wonderland] – 6,298

We’d Be a Hit Together [Haikyuu!!] – 6,211

Super Powered Love [My Hero Academia] – 5,436

A Devil’s Bride [Obey Me!] – 3,583

I Need Love [Hypnosis Mic] – 1,928

Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I always read and appreciate comments made on my posts, on AO3 and Tumblr, I always check to see if someone has tagged it with commentary <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

To be fair I hurt Malleus with the whole ‘you’re likely someone with a shorter lifespan’ idea constantly, but The Brightest Star was definitely a sadder one from my KNB days.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them because I truly hate unhappy endings. You can probably tell just from how I write that I try to put a positive spin on things, but I am trying to just let the angst happen or leave things off with ambiguity rather than specifying that a character only seems to feel a certain way when they’re actually feeling something else entirely.

Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally. I remember getting this angry message about me being a feminist because I made the reader like dom Hanamiya from KNB and they were MAAAAD about it lmao I also remember being on fanfic dot net and getting argued with and I just sent the brady bunch theme song over and over until they stopped messaging me back

Do you write smut?

I do! Not the biggest fan of it honestly because I never feel like it’s half as sexy as the things I read other people write, but I do get in moods and with certain characters they just need to be manhandled a lil, you know?

Craziest crossover?

I have never written a crossover in my LIFE

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Awhile back I did but I was told about it and the story was quickly taken down, I think it was on Wattpad or something like that.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! I’ve gotten a handful of requests for my more popular ones to get translated, I don’t mind at all!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I mean I’m co-writing a book with the other admin on this blog, so does that count?

All time favorite ship?

Me and all my lil husbands.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I was writing this Criminal Minds fanfic that I had all plotted out, dramatic quotes at the beginning of episodes already picked, but I don’t think I’ll ever bother focusing on it.

What are your writing strengths?

I would say characterization is my strength! The characters are the best parts of fanfics after all and I always try to do research on the characters I write; if they’re ones I don’t know as well I’ll scan the wiki and read extra stories with them in it just to get a better handle on them! It’s why when there’s characters that haven’t been around long enough or don’t have a lot of content translated for them that I don’t like writing for them because I need at least something to go off of, I don’t want to have to make up their personality myself

What are your writing weaknesses?

Details. Which is a horrible thing to say as a writer, but I do feel like my writing lacks details here and there. Like with dialogue, I’ve been trying to write more in-between actions while the characters are talking since most people aren’t just standing still, especially if a character was doing something before another person entered the room. Descriptions of the world around the characters

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I don’t like using google translate but I do have characters I love who speak other languages. Those heinous Hetalia days where you’d randomly put a word into the middle of an otherwise english sentence… they haunt me. But what I try to do with Citron from A3 is write some of his dialogue in parentheses to show he’s speaking in a language that the reader might not understand, and I feel like that works a little better for someone who doesn’t speak anything but english to do for the sake of not butchering another language.

First fandom you wrote in?

I truly wish I knew. I know I wrote for Naruto back in the day, and The Outsiders was one of the first full length fics I did. But that was back on Quizilla which has since turned to dust. I was also on Lunaescence for a while, whose creators have also turned to dust apparently. What a world

Favourite fic you've written?

It’s hard to pic just one when most of my fics are like, stand-alone short little things. But I think one I’m very fond of (which was written for the other admin so it explains why I put so much effort into it) was Snowy Mountain Getaway, which was a FE3H Dimitri/Reader College AU fic.

[paraliveimaginesblog]

(Saw someone do this and decided it seemed fun~ also posted to my TWST blog

link to my ao3 here)

How many works do you have on AO3?

85.

What's your total AO3 word count?

915,568 words~

 What fandoms do you write for?

Currently it’s for Helios Rising Heroes, Hypnosis Mic, Obey Me, Paradox Live, and Twisted Wonderland!

I’ve previously written for A3!, Ace Attorney, Ace of Diamond, Borderlands, Bungou Stray Dogs, Free!, Fire Emblem Three Houses, Fire Force, Gorillaz, Hero Academia, Kuroko no Basuke, Magi, Naruto, Red Dead Redemption, Run with the Wind, RWBY, Shokugeki no Souma, Stardew Valley, Tokyo Ghoul

Top five fics by kudos?

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes [Twisted Wonderland] – 6,298

We’d Be a Hit Together [Haikyuu!!] – 6,211

Super Powered Love [My Hero Academia] – 5,436

A Devil’s Bride [Obey Me!] – 3,583

I Need Love [Hypnosis Mic] – 1,928

Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I always read and appreciate comments made on my posts, on AO3 and Tumblr, I always check to see if someone has tagged it with commentary <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

To be fair I hurt Malleus with the whole ‘you’re likely someone with a shorter lifespan’ idea constantly, but The Brightest Star was definitely a sadder one from my KNB days.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them because I truly hate unhappy endings. You can probably tell just from how I write that I try to put a positive spin on things, but I am trying to just let the angst happen or leave things off with ambiguity rather than specifying that a character only seems to feel a certain way when they’re actually feeling something else entirely.

Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally. I remember getting this angry message about me being a feminist because I made the reader like dom Hanamiya from KNB and they were MAAAAD about it lmao I also remember being on fanfic dot net and getting argued with and I just sent the brady bunch theme song over and over until they stopped messaging me back

Do you write smut?

I do! Not the biggest fan of it honestly because I never feel like it’s half as sexy as the things I read other people write, but I do get in moods and with certain characters they just need to be manhandled a lil, you know?

Craziest crossover?

I have never written a crossover in my LIFE

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Awhile back I did but I was told about it and the story was quickly taken down, I think it was on Wattpad or something like that.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! I’ve gotten a handful of requests for my more popular ones to get translated, I don’t mind at all!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I mean I’m co-writing a book with the other admin on this blog, so does that count?

All time favorite ship?

Me and all my lil husbands.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I was writing this Criminal Minds fanfic that I had all plotted out, dramatic quotes at the beginning of episodes already picked, but I don’t think I’ll ever bother focusing on it.

What are your writing strengths?

I would say characterization is my strength! The characters are the best parts of fanfics after all and I always try to do research on the characters I write; if they’re ones I don’t know as well I’ll scan the wiki and read extra stories with them in it just to get a better handle on them! It’s why when there’s characters that haven’t been around long enough or don’t have a lot of content translated for them that I don’t like writing for them because I need at least something to go off of, I don’t want to have to make up their personality myself

What are your writing weaknesses?

Details. Which is a horrible thing to say as a writer, but I do feel like my writing lacks details here and there. Like with dialogue, I’ve been trying to write more in-between actions while the characters are talking since most people aren’t just standing still, especially if a character was doing something before another person entered the room. Descriptions of the world around the characters

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I don’t like using google translate but I do have characters I love who speak other languages. Those heinous Hetalia days where you’d randomly put a word into the middle of an otherwise english sentence… they haunt me. But what I try to do with Citron from A3 is write some of his dialogue in parentheses to show he’s speaking in a language that the reader might not understand, and I feel like that works a little better for someone who doesn’t speak anything but english to do for the sake of not butchering another language.

First fandom you wrote in?

I truly wish I knew. I know I wrote for Naruto back in the day, and The Outsiders was one of the first full length fics I did. But that was back on Quizilla which has since turned to dust. I was also on Lunaescence for a while, whose creators have also turned to dust apparently. What a world

Favourite fic you've written?

It’s hard to pic just one when most of my fics are like, stand-alone short little things. But I think one I’m very fond of (which was written for the other admin so it explains why I put so much effort into it) was Snowy Mountain Getaway, which was a FE3H Dimitri/Reader College AU fic.

[yourfavoritebookclub]

WINGLEADER: A Xaden Riorson POV Fanfiction

CHAPTER 15

The plan in place is a simple one: The crew protects Sorrengail.

And I stay far, far away from her for as long as possible.

….

The morning after Threshing is always a political nightmare. But none have felt more nightmarish than this one as I sit up at the dias and examine the teetering social balance shift in the gathering hall. 

For the first time since Sgaeyl and I bonded, I’ve found myself thrown into the uncertainty of my own survival.

I’m not quite so arrogant to believe I’m above death at Basgiath, but I’ll be damned to Malek if Sgaeyl and I die at the hands of one of these inane riders and their weak-minded dragons because Sorrengail can’t defend herself. 

At the tables below, Violet is getting a masterclass in the new hierarchy. She’s clutching her tray, an uncomfortable grimace lining her mouth as a group of first-years clear an entire table as she approaches, Ridoc and Rhiannon following closely behind. 

I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling at the fear that lingers in everyone’s eyes as she walks by.

They should fear her.

A room full of wide eyes are on her as she moves to sit.

Imogen, who's been inconspicuously following Violet since she walked into the gathering hall, strides over to the table, swings her leg over the bench, and sits comfortably with the group of first-years like she wasn’t hell-bent on killing Violet as soon as the opportunity arose. 

The rest of the crew has made their way over to the table, and after one last cursory glance around the hall, I snatch an apple off the table and sit back in my chair, legs stretched out in front of me. 

Lounging and bored, the mask of Fen Riorson’s son, of a powerful, arrogant Wingleader without a care in the world. 

I pull out my dagger and peel the apple, my gaze still focused on the hall.

“I love the day after Threshing. It’s always such a clusterfuck,” Garrick snorts, his eyes fixating on Jack Barlowe. The “future wingleader” has been isolated and abandoned in the wake of the new pecking order. I look over and give a short, stilted laugh.

Garrick and I fall into a comfortable silence as we continue watching for signs of danger. Garrick’s eyes are wholly focused on the gathering hall, sweeping across the room like a royal sentinel. 

His gaze abruptly stops on something, and his forehead bunches in distress at whatever has caught his attention before quickly looking away, his expression blank.

Worry. Fear.

Garrick has become my second, a born commander; loyal, and honest, and more than I could ever hope to deserve, but it comes at a price. One that I make him pay over and over again as he shoulders the weight of the 107 lives that aren’t his to bear. The pressure growing stronger the deeper we delve into the coming war.

Guilt runs through me, abruptly interrupted by a prickle that shoots up my spine. An electric current has been merged with every nerve ending in my body

My gaze lifts and I find myself looking into Violet’s bright hazel eyes. 

There’s a question in her gaze. One I’d been waiting for all day. 

I look to Imogen and back to her in answer. A silent order from her Wingleader.

Do as she says Violence. 

Her eyes harden, and she turns away from me.

My head doesn’t stop buzzing until I walk out of the gathering hall thirty minutes later

….

The whole courtyard is awash with sunshine. Light and shadow dance together as the wind and sun create a shimmering glow through the branches of trees and in between pillars. Groups of people meander down the paths, stretched out on blankets, laughing or kissing or sleeping on the warm earth.

I lean back against the stone wall of the academic building, watching everyone enjoy the much needed respite. From the mouth of the tunnel, Violet’s figure comes into focus

There’s rage in every step she takes. She’s stomping, actually stomping her feet, and my mouth twitches at the sight. 

As Violet nears, I raise my eyebrow in question. She thrusts her middle finger in answer before blowing past me. 

Violet doesn’t make it more than a few steps past me when a scream rips through the air, shattering the untroubled afternoon, and a hush falls over the courtyard. A first-year comes into view, a tornado of panicked movement. “Make it stop! For Gods sake, make it stop!”  His cries are piercing as he clutches his head in his hands.

An inntinnsic.

I hone in on Jeremiah, assessing the threat. I move, shadows curling at my heels, to put myself directly in front of Violet. That edge of possessive protection envelopes me, my mind and body lying in wait with unrelenting focus.

“Jeremiah!” A voice calls out from the crowd. 

Jeremiah turns on his heel, pointing at Barry, a third-year section leader. “You! You think I’ve lost it!”

His eyes go misty, the tone taking on the thoughts of the person he’s hearing. “How does he know? He shouldn’t know!” 

“And you!” He spins again, pointing at a second-year in First Wing. “What the hell is wrong with him? Why is he screaming?”

Jeremiah turns again, facing Dain. “Is Violet going to hate me forever? Why can’t she see I just want to keep her alive? How is he..? He’s reading my thoughts!” 

I’m too focused to find any humor in Dain’s idiotic thoughts.

Violet takes a step up to my side. “Oh Gods,” she whispers in horror as she realizes what’s happening.

Garrick shoves his way forward, pushing Ridoc to the side as he takes up position on Violet's left.

My eyes don’t leave Jermiah as his screams turn into desperate pleas. “Make it stop! Can’t any of you see? The thoughts won’t stop!”

“Do something,” Violet begs next to me, and her voice is so full of anguish that my shadows respond before my mind does, an undetectable tendril moving towards Jeremiah. It feels like my shadows bend to her will, and there’s a burning sensation in my stomach at the thought.

My gaze remains fixed on Jeremiah. “Start mentally reciting whatever bookish shit you’ve learned,” I order. 

Violet looks up in irritated confusion, “I’m sorry?”

Of course, Violence could never just take an order without question. “If you value your secrets, clear your thoughts. Now,” I snap.

“And you!” Jeremiah whirls on Garrick.

Fuck.

“Damn it all to hell. He’ll know about–”

I push the tendril forwards, merging it with Jeremiah's own shadow. The dark bands of swirling black wind up his body, cutting off his words.

Professor Carr pushes through the crowd

“He’s an inntinnsic!” someone shouts. 

That’s all it takes for Carr to walk up to Jeremiah and, in one fluid movement, snap the man’s neck.

I release the shadows and they skitter away, finding pockets of darkness. Jeremiah’s own shadow gone as he lies on the grass, head lolling at an unnatural angle.

I suck in a breath, steadying myself, and glance at Garrick. His face is wan, his mouth pressed into a tight line.

We both leave without a word.

[gunsli-01]

for milgram oc ask game ages 11 and 16 and questions 4, 8, 10, 11

Oh, yay!

4. Do they view their murder(s) and justifiable?

Jester is a pretty simple and straightforward person. He tends to view anything as justifiable. He takes things from every angle and isn't the quickest to anger. In a Milgram AU he'd be a bit of a frightening case because he simply could justify anything and feel nothing about doing it. In his regular canon this is beneficial.

Yet it'd make him the worse sort of person in Milgram. His whole stance would be similar to Yuno's.

"The fact I'm here and this is happening is proof enough that what I did needed to occur. You seriously think I'd get myself into this much trouble for what- Fun? If I didn't have to do it, I wouldn't have and the fact that I needed to is justification enough. There's really no need to talk about it any further than that."

Would be his only mindset about it and he would view someone else judging his behavior as a waste of his time. He's a pretty chill kid for the most part but incredibly picky about who he talks to and the opinions he allows to hold weight to him.

So, he'd probably be a standoffish prisoner if he were amongst a bunch of strangers. Not because they're murderers. Simply put he just has no interest in forming connections he doesn't want to and being forced to be around a bunch of people is the best way to make him not want to.

8. What do the voices of the outside world tell them?

"You're a really selfish person." "How could someone like you have the audacity to call yourself anyone's friend let alone theirs'." "A terrible person." "I'd feel sorry for you, but I know what happened to the last person who did that." "It must be hard..." "You seem to miss them deeply." "It gets better." "You did what you had to." "The situation was just all wrong." "I hope you feel better."

10. What is their image color?

Amaranth Purple- Amaranth would also be the flower most prominent in his birthday art.

It can represent immortality and means

"Unfading Affection" or "Everlasting Love" when given as gifts. Here's some facts about it.

X X X

11. What reoccurring themes present themselves throughout their music videos?

A lot of allusions to travel, small almost suffocatingly so rooms in large houses, superficial acts of communication that lead to increased loneliness, and a disdain for the genuine.

(I'm so fucking sorry i misread sixteen as twenty-six and I have no real explaination as to how outside of it's late and I was tired. So, now you get three ocs. I'm just adding this here to avoid confusion.)

Ah this next one may be a bit of a copout of an answer given that they are the age you asked for in real time but in their canon they're only nineteen. Hope that isn't a bother. Especially since I don't get to talk about them often. Despite them being one of my personal favorite characters to write.

His actual story is under reconstruction, and I haven't gotten to touch his character in a while as a result. technically it's being merged with another story.

Though if he did wind up in Milgram, he definitely would not be his age in canon which is why I went with his age by the current year when it comes to a Milgram au. Jester on the other hand would fuck up that young.

4. Do they view their murder(s) and justifiable?

"I didn't mean it, I didn't- mean it. This isn't the solution I wanted."

No. He does not. However, the problem was successfully solved. No one was satisfied though.

8. What do the voices of the outside world tell them?

"Your life is fucked up." "That's scary." "You deserve to stay in there." "This is just sad." "That's not how family is supposed to behave." "I don't know how to feel about this." "I want to forgive you but I also think it's safer if you stay in Milgram as long as they're not killing people at the end of this." "I'd say get therapy but that was part of the problem in this case." "Yes king dissociate harder. Reality is flawed." "In a unique twist of fate everyone here was so wrong that we've gone straight to a neutral outcome." "Those people kind of deserved it." "After a point a solution becomes a problem somehow you reached that point at birth." "Everything that could have gone wrong here went wrong. Good job team. Pack it up we can stop having things occur for this man now."

10. What is their image color?

Because I brought up a flower for Jester, I feel bad not bringing up one for Leyton.

His flower would be Azaleas.

Azaleas tend to mean Temperence and are used to remind people to take it easy.

"While azaleas represent passion, they also symbolize temperance. In other words, the plant reminds us of our ability to practice moderation — even when it comes to those things and people we love the most. You can still live a life full of love, romance, beauty, passion, and abundance while remaining level-headed and avoiding overindulgence. Self-control is a must-have in order to achieve stability and groundedness in your life. All things in moderation." X

They've also been related to family.

X

Something that generally makes them fit Leyton nicely.

11. What reoccurring themes present themselves throughout their music videos?

Persistence, distortion, power imbalances, responsibility, existentialism (primarily focusing on the right one has to exist and repaying those who made it possible for them to exist without question when asked), familial duty, housing, fiscal stability. Depending on his current mindset sibling relationships.

I'd love to hear your opinion on them. I love all my ocs dearly. Even though they're all a bit fucked up.

Goes up to reread ask to see if I answered correctly-

Oh, fuck you said sixteen! Damn it how did I read twenty-six. I'm sorry it's late and I'm still sick. So, I guess you're getting three ocs because it would be a waste to erase all that.

So, say hello to one of the specialist of girls,

4. Do they view their murder(s) and justifiable?

"Ha-ha, what a funny question. Do things people do need a reason or to be justifiable? It's such a immature way of looking at things... Guard, are you sure you're up for this sort of job? Not everything needs or has a justification you know. Besides even if I did have one that wouldn't make my actions any less objectively bad. Sorry, I'll stop teasing. Since I got what I wanted I'd say it was justified."

Yes, but no, but yes. If the ends justify the means then yeah she guesses what she did was justifiable but she also really has zero inclination to justify it. She's just an outcome based person.

8. What do the voices of the outside world tell them?

"You're not sorry at all!" "Your hair is super cute!" "How can you still be having a good time after doing all that." "Do you even feel empathy?" "You had way too much free time." "Well being raised like that what should we expect." "It's not bad to focus on one's own needs but..." "How exactly did you get what you wanted here this is a terrible outcome? It's a surpise you still have friends. I couldn't imagine speaking to anyone who did this ever again." "You plan to just go back and what pretend you didn't do all that?!" "YOU STILL HAVE AN ACTING CAREER BITCH! HOW?! I LOSE JOBS FOR JUST BREATHING WRONG AND YOU'RE STILL EMPLOYED!" "This is gonna be bad to say but I'm ultimately just impressed at the level of thought put into this at this point. I mean instead of being normal you truly went fuck it I'll escalate this further. Really went we can be insane together." "How the fuck is he not here- oh wait... Yeah, he's the victim." "I know voting innocent isn't going to make her better but she had me at 'Dead and gone- Oh she's crazy my love's eternal but you'll fade quickly'. I'm not fixing this I want her to get worse actually." "She's soooo normal." "This is what he would've wanted." "Toxic heteronormativity sweep!" "What you and your victim had was special. You both made each other so much worse and I have no doubt there's a universe in which he's here instead of you."

(Side note there is. If being worse was a contact sport James and Luna would be the worlds best team even though they're actually shown to be quite reasonable in their respective canons. They're both really susceptible to living in extremes. The only thing that leveled these two out was putting them in a polyamorous relationship with the nearest individual with a moral compass. However in a Milgram au one of them must be dead for the other to be here and they never spoke to that third person.)

10. What is their image color?

Her flower is Orchid the white variety mainly.

X

11. What reoccurring themes present themselves throughout their music videos?

The sun (in it's many forms but mainly sunlight), lack of presence, authenticity, boredom, extreme thrill seeking behavior, the feeling that there's only one opinion that matters and it's not the audience's or hers, contentment, memories.

[thewolfofcanada]

Old school heart, might be stuck in old school ways.

If I had the money I'd be chartering planes, romantic dinners on secluded islands, just the two of us.

Splurging, buying you everything your heart desires. Splashing, I'm talking swimming in the winter time because we would be living on a different time, I'm trying my best just give me time.

Not everyone cut from the same cloth and judging by my life, I'm a whole different fabric because hearing about your past mixed with mine makes me feel like I'm clearly different and far from average but bpd has me thinking you deserve better in the now.

Like why wait for the dream and build when you could skip the line and have it now? Am I really worth it? My past tells me otherwise because I've had mad people tell me every lie. "Build the life together, stay, work through every bit of drama and don't worry about the trauma" meanwhile they walked away and I drowned.

So many nights left me fiending for the worst things and I don't mean drugs I mean the worst things... couple real ones held me down, tattoos to mask the pain, paint a visceral picture and this canvas still pretty open but I'm hoping to paint a better picture.

Thoughts on a Sunday morning, everyone praying for life and prosperity while I remember a time I was in Miami at a Catholic church and they spoke on revelation, surrounded by people who love their life and I was debating taking mine. Thought I'd get better over time but the trauma still reminds me..

Drowned myself in alcohol through a bunch of abuse, tried smoking weed to elevate my life, got surrounded by people who I thought had my back only to find I was blind and masked on crutches lead to hospital trips and therapy and ain't none of that fixed me...

Sober for a minute casually, cut off all the leeches that were attached to me, trying to make sure that only real love is what's surrounding me while I still balance on the edge of life with trauma and bpd, overthinking constantly and a long winded post just so you know when you ask me and I say "I'm okay" this is what I really mean...

[nenya85]

N, E, Y, and A for the ask meme! :-)

@uneorange OMG!  You picked the letters of my username!  That’s so clever.  It really made me smile :-) 

If any one else wants to ask (please!) the list is here!

N: Any fic ideas brewing that you’d care to share?

In addition to my ongoing WIP, “Life After Life,” I have two really vague fic ideas I’m mulling over. And believe me, when I say really vague, I mean really vague.

In no particular order:

VAGUE IDEA #1: Atem returns with Kaiba.  A bunch of unspoken assumptions are crammed in the Dimensional Cannon with them.  Atem’s first actions throw everything up in the air. Kaiba, still on a honeymoon high, brings Atem and Yugi together, with the flourish of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Yugi falls apart.  He’s been the brave warrior for so long, and when he sees Atem, standing in front of him, real and alive, he dissolves into tears and thanks Kaiba for bringing Atem back.  Atem, shaken and guilty at the effect his leaving has had on his partner, focuses on comforting Yugi.  Kaiba (of course) assumes the idyll is over, as Mokuba wonders why he’s always the one left picking up the pieces.  I really want the story to be an exploration of the importance of romantic (Kaiba/Atem), platonic/friendship (Atem and Yugi) and familial bonds (Kaiba and Mokuba) as the characters negotiate their way through them.

VAGUE IDEA #2:  Every time Kaiba tries to reach Atem in the after-life, he winds up back in his past.  Meanwhile, every day Atem is spending in the after-life feels more hollow, as if he’s a vessel that’s emptying itself out.  As everything starts to feel less real, the one thought that becomes more solid is that Kaiba is involved.  They feel like they’re caught in a game and the only way out is to figure out what the game is and how to win.

E: What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

Both Kaiba brothers.  My older brother was incredibly important to me growing up, and to this day, if he told me black was white, I’d be out there swearing he was right, so I really get that bone-in loyalty to an older sibling.  As much as I love Yugi’s values, in temperament, I really get Kaiba, and in a much milder form, a lot of his struggles have been mine.  

Capturing the Kaiba brothers has been an ongoing fixation of mine, so I’d like to think I’ve done them justice in all my stories.  I think the one that looked at Kaiba’s inner workings in the most literal way was probably “Giving Up the Ghosts,” where Kaiba created an immersive virtual world that reflects all of his inner conflicts, strengths and damage and then has to figure out how to win to escape.

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories?  Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?  

I tend to avoid thinking of my stories in terms of popularity because that’s a particularly self-destructive rabbit hole for me, and no matter where I start, I always end up feeling bad about my writing.  I came up with a very simple metric that ended up working:  Did I tell the story in my head to the best of my ability at the time I wrote it?  So far the answer has been yes, and that has remained an enormous source of satisfaction.

A: Of the fanfic you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

OMG!!! That’s like asking a parent who their favorite child is!  TBH, I don’t really have an answer because I spend so much time nurturing each story.  Also, in addition to being stories in and of themselves, they’re also my experience of writing them, and for me, those two things are inextricably intertwined.  Writing my first story was an amazing experience because I’d never thought of myself as a creative person, and writing a whole story was something I would have said was beyond my ability.  Having people connect with it and to meeting so many people through it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  I had several (mostly successfully resolved) health issues while writing my current WIP and there were months where each successful update felt like a victory in and of itself, and the story has occasionally became a stand-in, and at times a target, for my fluctuating moods.  TBH, I’m not sure if I’m avoiding the question or if I simply can’t answer it.

[aprillikesthings]

I have flipped the laundry and put the towels away and re-made the bed, I have made dinner and done a load of dishes, it's time for more She-Ra!

s5 ep4 Stranded

but first do you want to see my dinner

Rice Cabbage stir-fried in light sesame oil w/ garlic A couple of eggs Sesame seeds

SO SIMPLE but so good!!! Seriously this turned out perfect. God damn.

BUT TIME FOR CARTOON

Adora: "Let me get this straight: Catra saved you from Horde Prime?"

lol

pfft

Man I am not going to screenshot all the things her face does in a few seconds, but remember waaaaaay early on when I was comparing their facial expressions when Catra and Adora hear each other's names, to that scene in Arcane where Vi realizes Caitlyn is into women, and Vi's face says a TON of things in 1.5 seconds? Adora's face here goes on a JOURNEY: confusion, shock (as shown above), anger, something I can only describe as "well I obviously have to rethink some things"/"maybe I've been wrong about her this whole time", some kind of fatigue tinged with regret, and then she slides down the wall to sitting.

It's just really well done.

Also I know there's a ton of videos showing the progression between Catra and Adora in the last season and I am forcing myself not to watch them or any of the meme videos until I AM DONE WITH THE SHOW because I don't want to dilute the emotional impact of watching them when I get to them.

Anyway Glimmer goes to apologize for the shit she did to make everything go to hell on Etheria, but then the ship goes bumpy bump and stops moving. But yeah Bow is keeping his distance from Glimmer right now.

So Glimmer sobs in Adora's arms instead. And the ship goes bumpty again. Entrapta says it's because they're out of fuel crystals but there's a planet with some nearby.

Aw there's a lovely interaction between Scorpia and Swift Wind back on Etheria.

Back to Space:

I've just noticed it looks like a ship anchor, which I assume is deliberate, since it would be Horde Prime's "anchor" on a planet.

Yeah Bow's still mad about it.

I love Entrapta (she's talking about how the old fuel crystals are probably fused to the engine by now)

LOL THE SHIP (Darla) RESPONDS "I do not feel pain" and Entrapta immediately smiles again "oh okay!"

pFFT

she WAGGLES HER EYEBROWS AHAHAHAH

*looks at Adora* *looks at Vi* *thinks about how I've wanted to cosplay both Catra and Caitlyn*

hm. *side-eyeing self*

EDIT: ALSO THEY BOTH WEAR RED JACKETS LOLOL

Anyway Adora fell in a hole

Glimmer: "Just stay put, we're coming. We'll have to find another way down." Adora: "I think I see a light. I'm gonna go towards it." Bow, freaking out: "Don't go towards the light!"

LOLOL

And Swift Wind does a little story-telling into the sky about how things are going on Etheria. It's cute.

And Adora gets in a fight with other people looking for fuel crystals.

They're also from a planet Horde Prime destroyed. Also it turns out the crystals are nearly impossible to get to.

awwww

and then "he has to pay for what he did! And he--he has someone on his ship. Someone I--" and she looks back and forth and then stands up straight again. "We're stopping him! Period."

BAHAHAH

"if your friend is with Horde Prime, it's already too late"

"I mean, she used to be, but that was a long time ago,"

"but then she saved Glimmer. And maybe that means there's still good in her, and now, I don't know, it's--"

BAHAHA (remember when that was a relationship option on facebook? "It's complicated"?)

(lol I accidentally closed the tab and had to reopen it and it wouldn't let me take this without the rating???)

Anyway they're all like, Nobody stands up to Prime and survives.

They all head out to find the fuel crystals but there's a bunch of earthquakes and they have to GET THE FUCK OUT, and as their only way out starts to collapse--

Adora manages to make a way out!

Entrapta is like, that was She-Ra, obviously

ANYWAY there's some lovely derring-do and Glimmer gets the fuel crystals, Bow saves her life a couple of times over, and everyone makes it out of the cave before it collapses. Then the star kids (who haven't seen magic in centuries) offer to join the cause.

Back on the ship, Glimmer does an amazing apology speech to Bow:

Glimmer: "Look, I know you're still mad at me. Maybe you'll be mad at me for a really long time. I deserve it. And maybe--maybe we'll--maybe we'll never be friends like we used to be. But I'm not going to stop trying to make it better. I made a mistake with the Heart of Etheria. I should have listened to you, and I'm sorry. You get to be mad, for as long as you need to be. But I'm not going anywhere. And when you're ready, I'll be here."

And Bow accepts her apology

And Adora watches, and then turns and looks out the window

Are you thinking of someone you'd maybe like to reconnect with? To maybe forgive? hm?????

LOL I SPOKE TOO SOON Bow and Glimmer notice the way Adora is staring into the stars and ask if she's okay

"and I know Catra was our enemy and she's done a lot of bad things, and hurt a lot of people, but--

;_;

the poor thing. she's so torn up about it.

Glimmer: "Whatever you need to do, I'm with you." Bow: "Then let's do this. Best Friend Squad style."

And there's a group hug.

AND SWIFT WIND FELT ADORA DO THE SHE-RA THING even if only for that few seconds, wooo!

End of episode! Roll credits!

OH GOD THE NEXT ONE IS SAVE THE CAT

AAAAHHHHHHH okay first I gotta flip the laundry again

[odnson]

two tag games involving fic stuff under this

one line any fic! rules: pick ten of your fics, scroll to somewhere midpoint, pick a line chunk and share it, and then tag ten people.

tagged by @b1uetrees, thank u so much!! i’m a little late but i finally got the time!! i don’t think i can pick 10 fics tho; i’ll get to posting a 10th fic someday. 😂 also not putting the entire titles because i’m on mobile 💀

1. this one is from rivers aka one that is still very dear to my heart 😂

Instead of saying anything, Joowon chooses to act: he lets his breath ghost Dongsik’s nape, watching the hairs there stand before he leans in and kisses the skin between his shoulder blades, at the first knob that formed his spine.

2. this is perhaps my fave line from hook, only because i have a vivid image of ds tearing down the walls caging yy’s remains with his hands after he saw there 👀

Dongsik knows how to be gentle, but sweetness eludes him.

3. to the sun features jw and hyuk having a moment and looking back, i still like it so:

Joowon is steadily working past all these preformed prejudices in his mind, and he’s long realized that he’s been treating Hyuk like shit because he never saw Hyuk’s concern for him as something sincere.

4. from waterworn wishes, aka perhaps me at my cheesiest

Dongsik wonders if this is how it feels to be loved.

5. from tall ships, which i think still has the intro i’m really proud of:

There’s no guitar, but Dongsik’s heart sings nonetheless.

6. from as the world, one of my stuff that i look at rarely, but doing this fic meme thing reminded me that i had this bit in it

It takes him back to the reed fields, to wind against his hair as he tugged Joowon away from meeting the brunt of it.

7. this one is from company policy, and i really like it only because i think it hones in on the fact that jw is the “get out of my school” meme the moment he developed a crush 😂😂😂

He hates how everyone is entitled to Lee Dongsik’s kindness, but his dislike is reserved only for him.

8. this is part of wasted love’s summary, but eh, i think it says a lot about my hcs about these two lmao

The longer he remained here, the more he realized that this was exactly where they differed: Han Joowon was capable of loving only one person, but Lee Dongsik possessed a heart too big to love just one.

9. from qualm, the only fic i have that had the scenes flowing in a pace that didn’t require any separator, which, i think, is really interesting fsr bec i never trusted myself to have a piece that had one cohesive flow

There is no torrential downpour soaking them, no more darkened, dusty basement concealing decades-old secrets, and still Han Joowon is pleading.

second meme starts here, the fic writer interview. @b1uetrees was very kind to tag me once again, thanks very much!! 💕

name/nicknames: j

fandoms: be nowadays; gotta love how insane those characters made me

two shots: hmmmm to the sun and hook, perhaps? hook is so self-indulgent lmfao i wanted service top jw shaving off ds’ stubble and it was so specific that i knew i had to do it myself if i wanted it to exist 😂😂😂 to the sun was also self-indulgent, (all my stuff are lbr) but not as much as hook, i think. it did have jw in eyeliner tho, which ngl, i wrote for me 😂

most popular multi-chapter fic: exec horny/company policy 😂😂😂😂 funnily enough, it was 50k when i completed it and i thought “yeah i can post this in chunks” because i like finishing stories before posting, but idk. sth happened and it turned into an 80k thing somewhere along the way.

actual worst part of writing: oh, writing itself, i guess. like, wdym i gotta do it myself and that idea won’t spring out of my head fully formed like athena?? what

how do you choose your titles: unless something fits for the whole thing (like company policy), i go through a bunch of instrumental osts

do you outline? the better question would be “do u follow the outline” imo because that’s when i’ll start sweating 😂😂😂 i mean i do outline, but only for significant stuff i’ll likely forget (covid did me so bad and gave me horrible brain fog), but how to get from one plot point to another…………i wing that most of the time 💀💀💀

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: mafia au, i stg, i did this little meme re: zodiacs and battery percentages on the cursed bird app and it revealed a “gang au” which is basically the same thing?? yeah. i do have an idea for it and the whole vibes, but wdym i gotta sit down for it to see it happen? 🙃

callouts @ me: ur phone is not a suitable device for writing

best writing traits: i think it’s the fact that i always write for me 😂 like, i write what compels me, what i want to see, what i enjoy. other ppl liking it is a very nice bonus, but me liking it has to be the most important factor here. i’d hate for the joy of writing to be taken away from me.

spicy tangential opinion: this might come as a shock to some ppl but if u don’t like sth, pressing the backspace key usually makes the thing go away. also if u’re going to be nasty to some fics, do it in ur dms and gcs and not on the cursed bird app bec u don’t know who sees those and don’t, ffs, bookmark the fic and tag it with “meh” or put a rating 💀💀💀 i’ve seen these things happen and with all due respect to ppl who do these: wtf is wrong with u??? (if u dont have gcs or frens to trashtalk stuff with then guess what, u’re probably a nasty fandom police that everyone has blocked)

not tagging folks bec i think everyone has done this by now 😂😂😂 if anyone wants to do it tho, say u’re tagged by me!! 💕

[actuallyitsstar]

🫓 What is your most popular fic?

🥘 What category do most of your fics fall under?

🍛 Have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics every made you laugh or cry or both?

🍢 Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

🍣 What helps you focus or get in the mood to write?

🍥 What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

✨ send me an emoji and ask me about my fanfic! ✨

🫓 : what is your most popular fic?

this is most certainly time takes no prisoners (you'll see). very much hands down, very much no contest lol 😅

🥘: what category do most of your fics fall under?

found family lol. what can i say. something about it does in fact hit different for me. i always want more and the brainrot is never ending and it's arguably not the most popular fic genre, so when i run out of content in the fandom of choice atm, i start making my own lol

🍛: have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics every made you laugh or cry or both?

well, yes, for starters, several of yours!! 💗 like when someone leaves a nice/heartfelt and/or detailed comment on my silly little fics i am quite LITERALLY screaming crying (and only metaphorically throwing up) about it. that shit does in fact mean the most to me and i wouldn't push myself to actually try and do things i don't feel very good at if people did not seem to want me to do it, so when people feel Some Type of Way after reading something i wrote that is the ultimate goal. i wouldn't write stuff if i didn't want whoever's reading it to connect with and remember it, so i connect just as much back when they do!

🍢 : have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

thankfully i actually haven't yet!

🍣 : what helps you focus or get in the mood to write?

oof tbh i think me being ~in the mood to write~ is controlled by the whims of deities interested only in toying with me 😭😭 ive learned that even if i am not exactly in the mood i have to just Do it. and eventually i will either stop bc im like wow everything i am writing right now absolutely sucks! or i will get into it and figure out a whole bunch of shit and write 5k words. there is basically no in between lmao

🍥 : what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

this is also gonna have to be time takes no prisoners. it is kind of a big first fic for me- longest, first top gun fic, first fic to rly get comments or kudos, most chapters, fic i am the most proud of, first series based work, etc etc- and the story (though obviously not my own, as it IS just a retelling of largely canonical events i can't take any credit for) means the absolute world to me. it's probably going to wind up being my fanfic magnum opus lol. it is always gonna hold a special place in my heart. i just adore this fandom and these characters and i just akdhdjhfjfhf love everything about the whole mav-is-bradleys-dad shit and the by extension found-family-w-people-mav-knows shit. it is just major *chefs kiss* for me <3

if i needed to give a more creative answer in the pre ttnp timeline (bc that is how it feels sometimes lol. there is pre and post ttnp/top gun brainrot and nothing in between), i'd have probably said all this effort to make it look effortless, which was the first writing of any kind i had done since like 2018 or something idk. i wrote and posted it last year, not too long before i began to write ttnp (it was actually right before i saw tgm at all), and it's for the world's most obscure fandom and it's very very self indulgent and i rly did just write it for myself, there's like under 50 fics in that fandom and mine has less hits than that lol. but i was and am very proud of it! (tho w the hindsight of rereading i hate the formatting so much god learn to use paragraph breaks what is wrong with you aaaaaaa).

[mouseycakes]

Nine People You Want to Get to Know Better

A rare tag encounter appeared!!! This one's inchresting for sure, so thanks @blind-the-winds for the tag!! :3

To get the tags out first, anyone seeing this can jump in if they wanna!

Now, to the answers:

Current Book I'm Reading: Off to a solid start, I actually admit I haven't picked up a long novel in a while between being caught up in life stuff and work. Hooowever, I've been finally eyeing to read Dead Man in a Ditch by Luke Arnold- basically a mixture of noir mystery and urban fantasy to make for a fun twist about murders- and magic? But also magic's still gone so, no magic. Perhaps. And also finally starting in on The Dark Crystal series as a whole, a goal I made since finishing both the movie for the fifth time alongside a second or third run through of the Netflix series.

Last Song I Listened To: "Square Hammer" by Ghost, based on more like, "last song I binged multiple times in a day recently." I'd be lying if the reason was anything but getting crazy animations in my head for ocs again, this time Lucius flavored! :> Also in general, Ghost's songs have just the right vibes for Forbidden Fruits content in general with the religious/demon themes, plus the ascension vibes on top of that with the echoes.

Currently Watching: If we're talkin' on YouTube, I've reached a ton of rabbit hole content ranging from essays on Tumblr, to essays about way old fibercrafting internet drama, to lost media games. I think I'm starting to realize I really love just popping on video essays of one thing or another and gaining knowledge on something in the middle of drawing and/or crocheting. Course I end up more wrapped up in the essays that I forget the project I'm working on......... On top of that, the last thing I remember watching on streaming services either has to be Arcane, or Across the Spiderverse, both of which I totally recommend watching if you haven't already as a character dynamic enjoyer.

Current Fic I'm Reading: Oof, okay I can vouch on this I actually have been slow to start reading more fics as of recent-recently, but if we count the last thing I read it'd probably be somewhere around chapter 4 of TIS (gotta give kudos where kudos is due, Jax!!! I'm hooked!!). Besides that... does. Does Homestuck count? Dare I say? Either way, it's a Thing I've been on and off reading since Freshman year college so. Better late than never!

Next On My Watch List: I've been meaning to finally finish up Adventure Time AND Tuca and Bertie if that counts!! Outside of that, I know there's a bunch of stuff I have on the bucketlist that I promised to finally watch for both my best friends and my partner alike (in fact I'm supposed to be having a duo watch sesh of the first few seasons of Game of Thrones with one of said besties sometime soon). Otherwise, my watchlist usually consists of random discovery and bouts of "Oh hey, remember that show you were curious about? Yeah, let's see that one!"

Current Obsession: No matter what media I get into next, I always find myself right back with my ocs and building them- the two primary stories for them being Forbidden Fruits and Embroidered Tercet. I can't help it either, the silly little gays lived rent free in my noodle noggin for abouttt... almost 10 years now??? Moreso the FF crew, ET came much, much later. Besides the little guys, I've been bouncing around with various analog horror and general horror game essays, as well as D&D stuff!! Craft/hobby wise, I've been bouncing between crochet, cooking/baking, aaand polymer clay sculpting, with weaving and decoupage as potential pursuits when time and money allows hfhfhf. There's other little things too, but there's a lot to list!

[fuckinorangecat]

part 2

Abysmal. There is a character limit, I can't believe this madness. Anyway.

We walked through a bunch of claw machine/gatcha shops and played a little bit. It was nice and I saw a very dedicated lady trying her absolutely hardest trying to get a golden kamuy figurine. She got it in the end, I was so happy for her. I was gonna attempt myself and if I got it I would've given it to her. She looked so close to giving up. Ahh, human perseverance. After that we got tired and went to a cafe where we waited for another addition to the party. A scottish JET, we outnumbered the American 3:1, fuck yeah. After meeting up with walked around further and went to a retro game store called Super potato or some shit. It was actually really cool lol, they had a claw machine for random ds/psp games and just a bunch of niche but cool japanese titles that we never saw in the west. One day I'll be able to read and play them properly. After that we found a fucking kebab stand, me and the friend I was staying with went ballistic, much to the american's confusion. Also the way americans say kebab is hilarious lol. We instantly buy some wraps and devour them, although it made me sad because it didn't hit the same as home. Guess it'll never be the same. Straight after I bought takoyaki, it was a very fat day but we walked like 30,000 steps by the end of the day so it should be fine - plus im on holiday. I'm not actually the biggest fan of takoyaki btw, too fucking heavy of a food. It's like eating a small rock every ball. After that we decide to find an izakaya and wind down. We find a place with outdoor seating and a perfect 6 seats, we were expecting two more JETs. Two more americans which unfortunately bring the numbers even. When they arrived, it was lovely. We all just spoke about random shit I can't even remember and drank. It was a great night. We bonded and exchanged instagrams, the Osaka JETs loved me and I them. Before going home we went to a conbini and I bought ice cream along with this other JET who LOVES ice cream. She bought one earlier too so I thought I'd join her this time. We ate ice cream and went on our merry way home. Two of the JETs go on the same train as us so we mingled a bit more. The girls all decided to have a twilight binge together, they invited me too but damn I smelled like shit. Ain't no way I'm polluting someone else's house. Especially after she showed me how nice her little place was lol. It'd be like a hotbox but instead of weed it's dutty fuckin' pits and tbh whole body. It was hot ok and I suffer in those conditions. 35 degrees celcius and crazy humid. Also we were exhausted since we've been running on 5 hours sleep. SO WE GO HOME, shower and sleep pretty much straight away.

The next day I woke up, packed up early to meet a former coworker from the UK. He was in Japan for a couple of weeks and I promised I'd meet him, that was actually the whole reason I came to Osaka. I said goodbye to my friend and went straight to the station my friend was arriving to. Travelling around Osaka was easy, it was pretty much identical to the tube. Just with better trains (airconditioned). I reunited with my former coworker and it was great lol. It's felt good speaking to someone I've known for a pretty long time, even though realistically we've only been apartment for like just under two months lol. Not much to actually write about but we did some touristy things! Went to the aquarium, which was actually the biggest aquarium in the world when it was built in 1990. I remember reading it on wikipedia before I was here randomly. I didn't realise it was the same one till I got there and felt a hint of familiarity. After that we met up with the rest of his friends which was amusing, a total of 6 black people and me so everyone was looking at us. I couldn't stay long but I helped them find a restaurant and order, talk a small bit, exchanged instas and left for my dreaded 7 hour journey back home. My friend actually walked with me to the coach station, bless him and i almost missed it too lol. I was very panicked and annoyed, thank you D for putting up with that. I hope the rest your trip to Japan was great.

The coach journey itself was fine, this time I actually slept most of the way unlike last time. I couldn't wait to be home and when I got home I was greeted by my neighbourhood cat Pochi. I was happy.

AWAY THAT CONCLUDES THE OSAKA ARC AND IM LAZY AGAIN

love, J-sensei

[tacit-semantics]

It’s 3am which means it’s finally time. Dirk OCD posting under the cut. cw for in depth descriptions of compulsive behaviors regarding scrupulosity (moral), violent intrusive thoughts (alluded to, non-graphic), and contamination, as well as mentions of self harm. If you’re prone to picking up obsessions or compulsions through reading about them, I would suggest skipping out on this one

So first of all I wanna say that this is not intended to function as a set of assumptions/inferences that point towards dirk having ocd in canon so much as a set of ways in I, as a person with ocd, saw myself in him. It’s a very… enthusiastic headcanon of mine though so this switches back and forth between long winded babbling and then its canon inspiration depending on how excited I am at any given moment. Also, disclaimer: ocd can manifest in a whole bunch of ways, and a lot of them are super specific to the person in question, which is to say that I’ll be drawing a lot (but not entirely, on account of the fact that there’s very much a limit as to what I’m willing to discuss regarding me specifically) from personal experience for the sole reason that that’s how I best understand the disorder. Now, getting into it!

- first things first: he’s got scrupulosity obsessions, I think, specifically moral. Very, very afraid of hurting the people close to him, which in turn manifests as a sort of hypervigilance in everything he says and does. I think that in this context the knowledge of Bro would be equally devastating and necessary in that he’s concrete proof of the worst case scenario, and acceptance of that possibility is necessary to overcome ocd, but also like. I don’t think theres much in the way of mental health accommodations on post apocalyptic earth (much the same as current earth actually), so in practice this would just be Bad.

- speaking of hypervigilance: his attention always being split between his physical body and his dream self reminded me a lot of how a solid chunk of my brains processing power is always devoted to various bullshit, even if the rest of me’s working on autopilot. I also think he’d be the sort to assume that not anticipating a threat to his loved ones counts as a failure, so he’s always on guard/trying to stop things before they start/jumping at shadows, effectually. For me this manifested as a contamination fear but I don’t think that would track here I think he’d be more along the lines of trying to predict his loved one’s actions and putting out imaginary/preemptive fires accordingly

- this would also work well with his fear of manipulation I think. Like he’s so worried about his actions being controlling that he tries to prod at THEIR actions to ‘protect’ them from him which ends up as a sort of bizarre self fulfilling prophecy

-information hoarder. He’s taken the tests, he’s read the articles, he knows what’s wrong with him (he thinks) but also doesn’t want to use it as an excuse (he thinks) and also gets thrown into spirals when his actions don’t match up exactly with the information he’s gathered. I also think it would be fun to try and puzzle out mental health bullshit through the juggalo-internet. Not fun for him, but for me thinking about it

-hal is basically an extended study in rumination. Dirk needs definitive proof of himself and his motives, and well. Hal is not that, but I can see how he might have been intended to serve that function

-reassurance seeker but like in the way where he continually asserts to other people that he’s bad. In his mind this functions as a warning so that they know to be on guard around him. He worries about this being a sort of manipulation too, of course. Nothings ever easy.

-this gets more difficult when he goes from living alone and isolated to living with other people, I think, because now there’s an added layer of ways he has to worry about hurting them.

-if you didn’t know, a super common way for ocd to manifest is (unwanted and frightening) intrusive thoughts about hurting others in one way or another. I think it’d make sense for him to develop obsessions like these once he starts sharing physical space with other people. Like meals and the like he’ll just be sitting there zoned the fuck out because he’s monitoring every single urge and thought he has so he can ‘restrain’ as necessary

-also think he’d still be Constantly Aware of Everything, Always, even when he’s no longer splitting his consciousness in the literal sense. The thought process might start with something like noticing a chair is slightly wobbly and immediately having to fix it because otherwise it might fall, and if it falls when another person sits in it it’ll be his fault because he knew it was wobbly and didn’t do anything to fix it, and then he applies that thought process elsewhere and it escalates

-the thing is is that all this escalation happens pretty quickly because it’s a very intense set of feelings that you’re sitting with 24/7 so like cut to a month later and he’s pushing cups of water to the center of counters because otherwise they might spill and someone’ll slip and it’s HIS job to make sure they don’t, he’s repeatedly checking food over to make sure nothing’s wrong with it, he’s mapping everything he’s touched in the past week to see if he’s done anything bad or wrong, etc etc. these just keep getting increasingly more disconnected and bizarre like shit gets weird and frankly it might not even register for him that what he’s doing is irregular like from the inside things can seem as reasonable as they’re not

-that said, once you take that hyperawareness and ramp it up in reference to like everything, you realize that it just… isn’t sustainable, which means that at some point he inevitably‘fails’ and that goes as well as you think it does. Like on a good day he dismisses an ambiguous dot on a piece of bread as an obsessive quirk (maybe because he’s tired from other compulsion sets or something it happens) and then two days later someone accidentally eats a bit of bread before realizing there’s mold on it and well now dirk can’t get up from bed for the next three days sorry

-I think there’s a lot of really interesting things to say in terms of control here too. It’s all a bit ironic of course, as in something out of your control making you feel in control even if just for a second, fear of imposition taking a turn into imposition with a different motive, the distance between motive and action for that matter. I am getting off track.

-also dirk strikes me as the sort to have a comprehensive list (either written or mental) of every bad and ‘bad’ thing he’s done, ever. Regularly combs through his memories to see if he can think of others, and considers them obsessively both within and outside of context

-also just. That one convo he has where he’s talking about drowning in himself. I love that one

-physically, think he might scratch himself during panic attacks. Lot of self harm urges (head banging, eye trauma) but those don’t bother him nearly as much as his fears of hurting others. He’s unsocialized as fuck, and I think that as such he might not necessarily realize that he processes distress and anxiety in harmful/irregular ways

-I also wouldn’t be surprised if there was like this super noticeable gap between how he perceives himself and how other people perceive him too that’s pretty common. I don’t think he would have a fear of people finding out that he’s ‘bad’ by his standards though for the sole purpose that he assumes they already know

-Anyways from there it’s just like a various grab bag of related bullshit/uncategorized neuroses and obsession/compulsion sets. I think he has trich and maybe dermatillomania too. Autistic, definitely. Probably some other stuff. Comorbidity king. Sometimes he has to finish a compulsion set to sit down but he just finished a different one and is too tired to start again so he just stands on his phone for an hour. Has weird stress dreams. Bites his nails.

-all in all, ocd tends to latch on the things you care about- hence why so many intrusive thoughts are so ego dystonic, hence the fixation. Dirk, in canon and in this spiel here, loves the people he loves very much and just does not want to see them hurt and- unfortunately- sees himself as a threat thus. Well all of this.

-this concludes OCD dirk hour. If you have anything to add, please feel free! But also please be respectful about it, especially considering the subject matter.

EDIT: wrote a sequel to this, found here. It's not as put together as this one, but it's definitely a thing that exists

[in-ky]

Hi! I’d love a story about Negan being a serial killer who only kills “bad people” (like in Dexter) and maybe he saves the reader from her ex who’s about to kill her and Negan can save her and takes her in because she’s a mess but she’s actually a killer herself (who kills rapists etc/ only the bad ones) and Negan and the reader start fighting and then get caught up in steamy hot sex 🥵 thank you!

Savior - Negan Killer AU

Warnings: Warnings: GORE + violence, smut, domestic abuse, swearing, dirty talk ig? idk how to tag this lol

A/N: hey! i struggled over this one for a while lol. ive only seen like. 3? episodes of dexter so. i really hope this meets your expectations! also forgive any mistakes its late, im tired, and i wanna get this up lol. also, is negan batman? maybe. 3.7k words

"Will, stop you're hurting me!" I hissed, grabbing at his wrist. He tugged me out of the bustling restaurant and into the dark street.

"I don't really give a shit," He snarled, throwing me into a secluded alleyway a few buildings down from the restaurant. Will had taken me out to a business dinner with his boss in hopes of showing me off and making a good impression. But things didn't quite go according to plan. "You embarrassed me in front of everyone!" He pushed me against the brick wall of the closed department store.

"What was I supposed to do?" I sneered, trying to wiggle away from him "He kept commenting on my body, saying how he wished he could take me home at the end of the night and do all kinds of 'unspeakable things to me'."

"You were just supposed to shut up and take it!" Will said, voice filled with rage "But no, you and your untamable fucking complex just couldn't handle a compliment. You threw your drink in his face! You're lucky he didn't fire me right then and there. You made me look like some pussy who can't control his whore."

"You're an asshole." I shouted, tears welling at the edges of my eyes. Will's face contorted further into a look of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He seethed, clasping his hand tightly around my throat and constricting his fingers around my airway.

"I said you're an asshole who cares more about his dead-end career than his fucking girlfriend." I croaked. I hated him. I hated him so much. My vision clouded with the combination of disgust, loathing, and lack of oxygen, so I hit him where I knew it hurt. "There's a reason you needed me for arm candy tonight. It's 'cause you're a boring, piece-of-shit, lowlife who has no skill whatsoever. How does it feel knowing you need me to make something of yourself?" With that, he threw me to the ground by my throat. He wasted no time and pinned me to the cold concrete. His knees dug into my shoulders and his hand flew to his back pocket, whipping out the switchblade he carried as a precaution against mugging. My eyes widened as they caught a glint of the moonlight off the sharp knife. He brought the blade up to my throat and slapped me over the cheek harshly with his free hand.

"You better take back those words, bitch," He hissed, pressing the blade into the soft skin of my jugular "or they might just be your last." A dribble of blood ran down my neck with the pressure. Realization flashed through my mind. I could die right then. That could have been my last moment. Was I scared? No. Why wasn't I scared? Maybe it had to do with the shadowy figure that was slowly approaching us from the ally entrance.

There was plenty of time for me to warn Will that someone was coming. But I didn't. Instead, I stayed quiet and watched as the shadow figure pulled Will from my body with ease and tossed him to the side. Everything was kind of a blur. I was still oxygen starved and filled with a whirl-wind of emotion. I heard Will cry out in surprise and indignance. The shadow figure said nothing. It saw the switchblade with a steady line of my blood. It kicked Will in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Then it lifted up a baseball bat over its head and cracked it down over Will's skull. He continued to beat Will until he stopped squirming. The shadow figure paused and swung the bat over his shoulder. I had regained my breath and pushed myself to my elbows. The shadow noticed me moving and took a few heavy steps in my direction. I squirmed away slightly, instincts telling me to get away from the thing that had just pulverized my boyfriend. The shadow entered a stream of moonlight. It was a man. He had peppered hair and a blood-speckled face. He had dark brown eyes and a small smile perched on his lips.

"You okay, sweetheart?" He said. His voice was deep. I was partially surprised. He wasn't a bulky man. He was tall and had a broad frame, but his limbs were long and his body was lithe. He wore a leather jacket and his boots were slick with what I could only assume were Will's brains. I didn't want to look at his bat.

"W-Why did you do that?" I whispered. It was all I could muster.

"He was going to kill you." The man sounded confused, like I was supposed to know who he was and why he saved me.

"You don't know that." My voice was quiet. My eyes were glued to a spot behind the man, unblinking. He let out a throaty chuckle and dropped to a squat, leveling with me.

"Doll, he had a knife pressed to your throat," His words were gentle "Looked like he was gonna fuckin' kill you." He hesitantly reached out two fingers in the direction of my face. I didn't move. He was wearing leather gloves. The ridged fabric ran along my injuries. "Seems like he did some damage before I could step in. Damn. Sorry about that. Listen, I live a few streets down. If you want, I can get you cleaned up."

"Okay," I said softly. I let him help me up to my feet. He guided me along with one arm while holding his bat with the other. As we walked out of the alley I couldn't help but look down at Will, or what remained of him at least. His forehead was split in half, a pool of chunky blood bubbling on the ground. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to swallow the bile that had risen in my throat. And yet, I didn't feel sad. I didn't mourn him. Maybe it was shock, maybe it wasn't. "Thank you?" I murmured, though it was more of a question. The man and I stepped out onto the street and I was grateful there was no one around to see us leaving the scene of a very heinous-looking crime.

"No problem, doll," The man hummed, setting a brisk pace down the sidewalk. "The name's Negan, by the way." Cool. Negan: my Savior.

~~~

"So you're like Batman?" I asked Negan as he dabbed the blood away from my neck. He gave a short chuckle and tore away the sticky part of the band-aid.

"I guess you can say that," he mused, splaying the bandage over the cut the knife had left "but I specifically go for people that I know have hurt others. The baddies, if you will."

"Is that legal?" I tilted my head, crossing my ankles as they dangled over the bathroom counter. My palms were flat on the surface of Negan's marble sink top, fiddling with the wrappers of the medical supplies he had used to clean and bandage my small cuts and bruises.

"I haven't been caught," Negan shrugged "besides, it's less work for the police. They don't have to do any interrogation bullshit or anything. I usually catch people in the act, like tonight. Then I do my thing."

"Do you kill everyone?"

"Only the bad people," He reminded, tossing away a bloody tissue "only people who have hurt others. But, yes, usually the offender ends up on the business end of Lucille over there." He pointed out the door into the living room, where the still-bloody bat rested against a chair. I furrowed my brow.

"Well, doesn't that make you a bad guy?" I pressed. He tapped my knee and I dropped down to the tile floor, tucking my hair behind my ear and gathering some of the scraps.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you still kill people, right? Even if they're bad? So doesn't that still make you a killer?" Negan was quiet for a minute. "Let's put it this way," I continued "What would you do if you came across someone who was like you; someone who hurt the bad people. Would you still kill them. They're hurting people." Negan took a deep breath and let it out with a contemplative sigh, itching his bearded chin.

"I'm not sure," He mused "I've never really thought about it before. See, I don't consider myself a bad person per say. Yea, what I'm doing might be considered fucked up. But I'm doing it for the right reason. I'm protecting people by attacking their attackers. In the end, someone's saved." He brushed off his hands and led me out of the bathroom, flicking the light off. "Would you rather me not have saved you tonight?"

"No," I said immediately "thank you. Really, thank you. You saved my life. Will is...was...always a dick, but I never thought he'd actually hurt me. I guess that proves people can have a whole bunch of layers." Negan nodded and moved to the kitchen. He raised a bottle of whiskey as an offering. I shook my head but he poured himself a glass.

"I was just doing my job," Negan grinned sympathetically "I'm sorry your boyfriend was an asshole who tried to murder you." I shrugged, amusement in my eyes.

"Eh, it happens to everyone." I smiled as he let out another laugh. I felt as if I shouldn't be laughing, but at the same time, everyone has their own responses to almost getting stabbed to death in an alley. So I let myself have this moment. Besides, Negan was a good guy to be around. He made me feel safe, comfortable, secure. Everything I needed right now. "So, Negan, what do you do? Surely vigilante-ing can't pay well, and this apartment is really nice."

"I'm a retired baseball player," Negan said, sipping his whiskey and settling into one of the armchairs in the living room "Hence the bat."

"Were you any good?" I asked. He let out a loud scoff.

"Was I any good?" He mocked "Sweetheart, I have a whole damn trophy room. I was fucking amazing. I just got old."

"So you're rich with no real job, you kill bad guys, and you have a massive ego," I listed "You really are like Batman, aren't you?"

~~~

Negan let me stay on his couch that night. It was leather, like everything else that man seemed to own, but it was comfortable. I woke up to the smell of bacon filling the air. I groaned and rubbed my fists against my eyes, clearing them of sleep. I stretched my arms above my head in a yawn and rolled off the couch, stumbling into the kitchen. Negan was hunched over the bubbling pan, dodging pellets of grease as they shot up at him.

"Smells good!" I purred, closing my eyes and taking a deep inhale.

"Good," He grumbled "You better fucking enjoy it because I've gotten burned at least three times." I laughed and walked up to him examining the small red patches that dotted his arms.

"You didn't have to make me breakfast you know."

"Yea, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," He sighed, turning off the stove and scooping the cooked bacon onto a paper towel. "Besides, I was craving some bacon when I woke up. I haven't had someone to share a meal with in a while."

"Well, if you want, you can come by my house for dinner." I offered, crunching down on a piece of bacon "I've been meaning to whip out the family alfredo recipe for a while, maybe a hot date would give me that incentive." I gave him a playful wink and he chuckled.

"Sure thing, doll," He hummed, putting the pan in the sink "I love me some fucking spaghetti. I'll see you around seven?"

"Sounds good."

~~~

I ran down the sidewalk, chest heaving. There was enough darkness to cover me, but I still kept my head down to prevent recognition. I held my hands close to my stomach, praying that the blood on my fingers wouldn't drip on the pavement and leave a trail. I had been on my way home from the store when I heard some commotion coming from an alley. My first instinct was to run, but then I heard the girl crying for help. Negan came to mind, what he did, how he helped people. I couldn't turn away. I marched down the alley and saw a greasy man pinning a woman to the wall of a building. Flashbacks of the night before hit me like a train. I looked on top of the alley dumpster  and saw a crowbar perched on one of the lids. I grabbed it and stormed up to the man, whacking him upside the head with the weapon. I kicked him to the side and brought the crowbar over my head before swinging it down. It connected with his face in a sickening 'thwack.' I thought of Will. I thought of what might of happened if Negan had never stopped him. I thought of all the times that bastard had gotten drunk and told me I was nothing. I let the rage bubble up and fuel my beating. By the time I was pulled back into the moment, my muscles were screaming, the woman was gone, and the man's face was unrecognizable. I tossed the crowbar into the dumpster and ran back home.

Dried blood is extremely hard to wash off. It sticks to your skin in flakes, creating a pattern of red veins crawling over your hands. Fuck. I scrubbed as hard as I could under the rushing water of the sink, pumping more and more soap into my hand. It was under my fingernails. It was stuck in my palm prints. Shit, did I leave fingerprints at the scene? Would they be coming for me? With a hiss, I rubbed even harder at my skin, small flecks of blood turning the sink water red.

Suddenly, my door opened.

"I'm ready for my s'getties!" Negan boomed with a wide smile. My head whipped around, looking at him with wide eyes. His grin faded and he crossed the room in record time, grabbing my wrists and turning the sink off. "Is this fucking blood?" He snarled, bringing my hands up to my face. I clenched my jaw and dropped my eyes to my feet. "Jesus, who's is it? Answer me!"

"I-I heard someone screaming on the way home," I said quietly, eyes still downcast "I thought I would help..." His jaw went slack and he let go of my hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus fuck, you can't just go around killing people!"

"Why not?" I snapped, eyes meeting his "You do it all the time? What's the difference? Why can't I help people?"

"Because it...Because you just can't!" Negan growled, shaking his head.

"Why are you so special?" I hissed back, drying my hands off on a towel before tossing it at him "It's not like you can get a permit for fucking murder. Why do you do it, anyways? Is it some perverted thing? Do you get off on saving people from attackers?"

"Watch yourself." Negan warned, eyes darkening.

"Pfft, or what?" I laughed, tossing my head back "What are you gonna do, kill me? I'm not afraid of you, Negan." As soon as the words left my mouth, he charged me. His hand flew to my throat, squeezing my airway lightly. His hips pressed me against the counter. I let out a small gasp when he shoved his face next to mine.

"Oh, but doll, you really fucking should be." He spat, curling his lip "I could snap your neck right here, right now." He gave a small squeeze to emphasize his words. I let out a strangled moan. We both froze. "Are you turned on right now?" He muttered, furrowing his brow. I licked my lips and squirmed in his grip, pressing my thighs together slightly in an effort to alleviate the warm pressure growing in my belly.

"No," I lied, voice weak. A sinister grin curled over the bottom half of his face and he licked his tongue over his teeth.

"And I'm the perv, huh?" He sucked on my earlobe and peppered kisses down my jawline "Sweetheart, tell me, do you want me to fuck that pretty little pussy of yours? Do you want me to make you cum harder than you ever have?" I whimpered at his dirty mouth. "Use your words, doll, or I'll leave right fucking now."

"Y-Yes!" I breathed as Negan's lips sucked on the sweet spot right beneath my ear.

"Yes, what, princess?"

"Yes, I want you to fuck me, please!" I groaned, clawing at his shirt. He let out a short chuckle, muttering something about how needy I was, but I didn't care. Right now, the only thought running through my head was that I needed Negan. I needed all of him. And damn me if I wasn't going to get it.

We clawed at each other's clothes like rabid animals. Once we were completely bare, Negan moved his kisses down my body. His large, calloused hands kneaded my breasts, twisting my nipples between his thumbs. My arms flew around his neck and I dragged my fingernails up his back. He shivered against my touch and slid his hands further down my body. They settled firmly on my hips as he captured my lips in a fervent kiss.

"Fuck, sweetheart," he grunted, pulling back for air. I looked at him. His tawny eyes were now black, pupils far beyond dilated with lust. Both of our lips were swollen and red from the intensity of our kisses. Negan's chest inflated and deflated quickly as his eyes roamed over my body. "You're so damn perfect." I smiled sheepishly and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, looking up at him through lidded eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself," I reached out my hand and used my pointer finger to draw a line from his collar bone down the center of his chest and through his navel, finally ending right over his pulsing cock. He sucked in a breath as my fingers closed around him. My thumb swept over the hot tip, gathering precum on the pad of my finger and rubbing it around.

"Shit," He hissed as I slowly pumped him "I'm not gonna fucking last if you keep doing that." He gently pried my hand away and took a step closer to me. I could feel his hardened length resting against the inside of my thigh. The thought of him being so close made a burst of heat rush down between my thighs. Negan took a long finger and ran it through my folds, collecting my wetness. I moaned as he teasingly dipped the first knuckle into me. He pulled back and let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl," he chuckled, raising his finger to my face "You're fucking dripping. Who's that for?" His slick-coated fingers glistened in the light of my apartment. I let out a deep groan as he slid them between his lips and sucked.

"You, Negan!" I whimpered, wrapping my legs around his waist "It's all for you." A wolfish grin spread over his features as he tugged me off him and pulled me down off the counter. He spun me around and pressed gently between my shoulder blades until my chest was flat against the cold surface.

"Then if you don't mind," Negan cooed, lining himself up with my entrance "I'm going to take what belongs to me." With that, he slowly pushed into me. I gasped at the stretch, balling my hands into fists as he continued to split me open.

"Fucking shit," he groaned once he bottomed out "you're tight as hell. I bet you've never had a dick as big as mine." He pulled out slightly and I let out a moan at the growing emptiness inside. The moan soon turned to a yelp when he brought down his hand against my ass. The smack was loud and he rubbed the red spot tenderly. "Have you?"

"N-No!" I gasped when he thrusted into me for the first time "Never. Fuck, you feel so good." Negan's thrusts sped up, his hips snapping against my ass in an obscene rhythm. Grunts and moans of pleasure slipped from both of our lips as he plowed unapologetically into me. I could feel every inch of him. He was hitting every spot, dragging against my walls in a sinfully perfect way.

"You're doing so good," He purred, kissing and biting my shoulder "So good for me. You're so perfect." I tossed my head back and he grabbed my chin, tilting my face towards him so he could give me another bruising kiss. I could only keep up for so long, though, and the white bliss of pleasure he was giving me soon became overwhelming. My jaw went slack and my head dropped against the cool tile of the counter in an attempt to ground myself in the moment. "I want you to cum, doll, cum around me. Wanna feel those walls squeeze me." His thrusts were starting to become sloppy and I could tell he was getting to his end. One of his fingers danced down my spine and found its way to my clit. He circled it with just enough pressure to get me to the edge that I was so willing to jump off. "Now." Negan growled. I obeyed, feeling the band in my lower abdomen snapping violently. We reached our releases simultaneously. My walls clenched around him, milking him of every drop. I screwed my eyes shut and screamed his name, holding in a large breath as the world around me spun. Negan eventually pulled himself out and collapsed on top of me. We both were breathing heavily, sweaty bodies entangled as well as we could over a counter. I swallowed, my throat dry from panting through my orgasm. When my eyes fluttered open, I could see Negan's thumb tracing circles over the love bites that were starting to darken on my shoulders.

"Are you going to kill me?" I rasped, running a hand through my wild hair "I guess I'm a bad person now." Negan chuckled, still out of breath.

"I think I'll make an exception," He mused, pressing a sweet kiss to the shell of my ear "I don't think I'm ready to let you go just yet."