#long tags lmao. learning stuff is hard

[imyourcomputergame]

Need some good resources for like more "animation industry" styles of drawing. In particular anatomy, character design + background design. It's not the kinda thing we study at my uni which I am very grateful for cus actually studying it at art school is apparently hellish + ultra competitive. But I still wanna draw good 😩

[fereldanwench]

I didn't want to completely sit out a year-in-review, but for reasons I'll explain at the end of this post and under a cut, doing the traditional pick-one-pic-from-each-month approach just wasn't going to work for me. So instead, here are 20 of my favorite shots (in no particular order) of Valerie from 2023!

(I'll share solo Goro shots and shippy/story shots in two other posts before the year ends.)

Some thoughts about this year (cw for anxiety and depression mentions):

So yeah. I actually hadn't planned on joining in on the virtual photography year-in-review fun in part because... Well, frankly, I wasn't sure if it would actually be fun for me.

Although I do have pictures for every month, the first third, maybe even half, of the year was a struggle on almost every conceivable level. A lot of it was shit that carried over from the end of 2022, which was also an incredibly difficult year for me. I don't really want to delve too deeply into why--Some of it was personal, some of it was professional, some of it was fandom, and if you know, you know.

The main obstacle I had here is that looking at a lot of the shots I took from about January to May (give or take a few weeks on either end) honestly reminded me of Bad Times™️. I've worked really hard to pull myself out of that depression/anxiety cycle and return to a healthier approach to fandom and online socialization in general, but I just didn't want to spend a lot of time in that mental space. There are a few shots from those months that made it to my favorites, and I hope one day I can look back on that stuff and just feel the good from it again. Alas, that day is still not here.

But I am happy to report that the other reason I wanted to approach the review differently is a lot more positive! It's also two-fold: 1) I spent the earlier part of this year exploring more of a technical side of virtual photography and 2) I was really prolific the last third or so of this year so trying to narrow faves from about August until now was just not possible.

One of the few good things about the end of 2022 was being able to upgrade my graphics card, which meant I then had a rig that could support ray-tracing and hot sampling. As a result, I started putting a lot more focus on lighting and getting acquainted with new tools. I also was trying to work with the new AMM posing system, which is very convenient in some ways (100s of poses without reloading the game!) and a complete pain in the ass in others (can't move characters without their poses breaking!). Custom photomode poses + Nibbles Replacer has been the game changer I've been waiting for.

Or to put it more succinctly, December 2022 through about April 2023 felt like a relearning/return to basics kind of creative period, which is essential, but also means I just don't really like a lot of what I did, lmao.

Then, shockingly (I'm not shocked at all), starting treatment for my anxiety and depression in the second half of this year suddenly made creating a lot easier and fun again! Crazy how that works.

Even bumping this little review up to 20 shots instead of 12, there are still pictures from the past few months that I had to cut as favorites. There was just no way I could condense the amount of fave shots I took from August to now in just 5 options.

I also owe quite a bit of this revival to modders for asking me if I wanted to take shots for them--Exploring more of a fashion photography approach to my shots I think did a lot to build on what I had learned earlier in the year and encouraged me to try something new. I don't want to tag anyone in this long-ass glorified diary entry, but if you invited me to take mod shots for you, just know that it really meant a lot. ♡

And that's where my head has been with a yearly review! Is filling out a little template with 12 pictures this serious? No, it definitely is not, lmao. But hey, overthinking shit is still something I'm working on. ✌️

[sceletaflores]

i’m so obsessed with crimson (not a cringe name at all!) and logan!!!

pls tell us more about crimson and her backstory! and her mutation! thanks baby!!!

wtf oh em gee anon ofc i’d love to chat about her!

for her mutation, she’s basically a blood bender, but with some extra stuff cause i thought just blood bending was a little boring lmao. i'm not the best at explaining things, so hopefully this isn’t all over the place.

in my head, she can manipulate blood that's both inside and outside of the body. she can sort of "possess" peoples bodies by either ingesting their blood or by blood-to-blood contact. if it has a blood stream, she can take it over. it’s not only limited to just the living either, corpses that still have blood in their bodies are easiest for her to manipulate.

she refrains from ever ingesting blood in fear of looking too scary, she only learned and honed the blood-to-blood contact method working with charles and hank. she can also use her own blood (other peoples as well but once again, she doesn't really want to come off as scary) as a weapon by manipulating it into sharp objects once it's spilled.

she hardly possesses living people because it takes a huge toll on her physically and it's still a little too hard for her to execute safely.

i even toyed with the idea of her being able to like...ingest a mutants ability. not forever, but if she takes enough blood from them she can retain a watered down, weaker version of whatever ability they may have for a short period of time, but i'm not so sure about making it 'canon' in my own little universe.

one cause it’s a super similar trait to rogue and two cause i obviously want her abilities to be interesting and powerful in a way, but i don't want to make her too op or a sort of mary sue type character. it's so icky reading ocs that are written to be the strongest mutant ever that body jean and magneto and everyone else under the sun. i don't ever want to give that vibe with this lol please let me know if i do don't spare my feelings like is this cool or is it too extra...

okay so what i have in my head in terms of a backstory is very chaotic and not really fully fledged in any way shape or form! the main idea i have for her is that, as a child, she was sold to a mutant testing lab by her abusive mother. her father left right after her abilities developed, refusing to raise a mutant daughter.

i know i very ominously mentioned the “scientists” and the “experiments” in afilav sort of in passing, but just know she was a mutant before she was tested on! the experiments only affected her mutation. that’s why she reacts more aggressively or viscerally to the sight and smell of blood. however, her enhanced strength and healing are a result of her time in the lab.

anyway long story short she finally broke out of the lab when she was older and started to “work” as like a free agent for a couple years.

killed whoever wherever for whoever for lots of money. she never stayed in one place long. she liked being off the grid, mostly drifting from state to state sleeping in shelters, on park benches, in abandoned cars, but only until she was found by charles xavier.

that's really it! i'm trying to think out some more aspects of her that are only half-baked ideas so i won't bother writing them down lol thanks for the question anon! i had so much fun actually sitting down and writing this.

fyi: i'll be tagging all my content about this au and character with the tags 'to the bone au' and 'file: crimson' from this point on :)

love you!

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

when do we get to see the plasma moments? I know jaya is obviously endgame and all but your stories also tagged w plasma am i missing something or is it still just on the way /gen

OH IS IT FINALLY TIME FOR MY LEGACY!PLASMA DISSERTATION?!?! LETS GOOO

I wasn't kidding when I said ya gotta squint for some of this, but it's about to be less subtextual sooner or later...so, moment recap time! *crackles knuckles*

(Note: the stuff in Book 1 is merely foundational and not inherently "romantic" in intent)

B1Ch2: Jay is the first one to check in on Kai after their fight with the Skulkin, and despite Kai yelling at him, he's also the one to pry Cole off Kai when they start going at it

B1Ch4: Kai saving Jay from Chad, Jay again checking in on if Kai's doing okay (twice) + making an effort to find common ground with him + getting excited when Kai finally accepts his help and listens to him. (Also not actually a "moment" but Jay dumping Kai's cafeteria lunch into the garbage while telling him not to eat that always makes me giggle)

B1Ch5: Jay texting Zane with worry when Kai skips on class (for the first and certainly not the last time lmao)

B1Ch7: Jay being the most regretful about having to lie to Kai + being the first to try to make him feel included

B1Ch9: Jay is the one the help Kai back up from the ice-crossing incident (despite being pissed at him lmao) and Kai's finally the one to check in on Jay instead

B1Ch10: First Plasma Heart-to-Heart + FIRST PLASMA HUG

They both look back to find Zane still perfectly motionless in his meditation corner, while Cole has moved back outside to brush up on his moves in the rain. Jay smiles sadly, balling up his fists in his scarf. "Those two have been great to me, but it's not hard to tell that I'm still not at their level. It feels like I'm always playing catch up, or being a third wheel, or just getting left behind…and when you joined, I thought things might finally be different." Kai squints. "How?" "Well, for starters, I wouldn't be the only one playing catch-up anymore, and I thought I could help you learn the ropes." Jay rocks on his heels. "And, if nothing else, I thought...I just ...wanted to be your friend. And maybe be close like Cole and Zane are."

^ The above takes on extra meaning in the future once we learn that a) Cole has a crush on Zane, b) Jay is fully aware of this, and c) Jay HAD a crush on Kai in the past. Jay doesn't push this in the romantic sense, however, though it does help contextualize why he values his friendship with Kai so highly

B1Ch10 cont: The entire hoverboard race team up, Kai calling out worriedly when Tawhiri catches Jay off guard, Kai teasing Jay for being poetic and making him blush snksnk

B1Ch11: Jay talking Kai into dancing around the campfire (this one's semi-canon heyo)

B1Ch13: There's a couple teeny moments but nothing significant, especially because Nya's back in the picture

B1Ch14: Again, not really a "moment" but Jay freaking out about Kai after he gets his face injury makes me feel things ;w;

A Little More Than Sixteen Candles: Jay is the first to wake up Kai on his birthday (he certainly likes to be first for these things doesn't he) + Jay being horrendously embarrassed at his "accidentally" borderline romantic and terrible poem

B2Ch1: Nothing necessarily romantic, but they do have lot of interaction this one

This dissolves into a whole different argument, one that only two people who've gone to school together for years can have. Kai briefly and mentally compares them [Cole and Zane] to an old married couple just as Nya and Jay stumble through the door as one, making eyes at each other while carrying in armfuls of techie junk. Kai stares into the distance and realizes that this may be a very long school year, potential ninja destiny be damned.

^The first of many times where Kai is exasperated at the formation of the "couples" around him (your time will come, Kai. Alas, not with Jay)

B2Ch5: Kai being concerned about accidentally hurting Jay in their mock fight

B2Ch7: Jay attempting to stay glued to Kai's side + immediately being jealous/petty at Kai for ditching him for Chad (especially when knowing The History)

B2Ch8: Jay still being upset and petty about being ditched + Kai coming to the horrid realization that he'd bullied Jay in the past (and caused his eyebrow notch)

B2Ch10/11: Jay and Kai fighting + going on to resolve that fight+ 2nd PLASMA HUG

B2Ch14: No necessarily a "moment" but Kai saving Mr. Cuddlywomp for Jay ;w;)/

B2Ch15/16: Finally, some real shit! Jay's parents implying Jay had a "crush on a boy" in the past (and him getting extra flustered when Kai becomes determined to figure out who -> implication is that Jay's crush was Kai) (Also Jay canonically flirtatiously winks at Kai this ep and for WHY JGFDHGFDS (but also also that's just something Jay does to Kai often too hnng—))

"...then that means the last two tombs are in the Western and Southern Provinces!" Jay exclaims. He slides over to Nya with adoration in his eyes. "Aaaaah, you are so smart~" Nya smirks. "Was there ever any doubt?" "Show off," Kai grunts. Nya pointedly ignores him.

Not necessarily a "moment", but could be read as Kai being jealous

B2Ch21: The Plasma chapter/episode, in my heart. Jay getting worked up at "Kai's offscreen girlfriend" (Meghan) + Kai getting real close to deducing Jay's old crush

Kai tilts his head back, laughing. "I probably don't even know who they are anyway!" "…I…think you know them better than anyone," Jay says under a whisper, trembling now. A little louder, he says, "Nor does it make it any less embarrassing…"

Kai you dumbass

B2Ch21cont: Kai calling for Jay/begging him for help after getting venom'ed + Kai whining when separated from Jay + Jay's awesome dramatic rescue that no one else saw rip (and oh my god i forgot about his pun onslaught lmfao) + Kai coming in clutch last second + Kai again refusing to be separated from Jay and Jay just rolls with it + the mere fact that Jay can carry Kai + Kai praising Jay (but Zane and Cole thinking he's just delusional on venom lmao)

^ This is kind of the point where Kai's viewpoint on Jay officially starts to shift. A little bit. Or a lotta bit. But he shoves it down

B2Ch24: Canonically Jay helps out a still-recovering Kai during the subway mission (again with a WINK–maybe it's not actually romantic, maybe it's a thing Jay just does, but why is it always Kai–?!)

B2Ch25: Jay being the first (again?!) to finally welcome Kai to their lunch table, making a spot for him next to Jay and everything + teasingly pokes his cheeks

2Ch32: Hoo boy—Kai going the extra mile for Jay's birthday present and being embarrassed about it + HE MADE JAY'S PINS (including the bisexual one, happy pride month) + Kai being so stunned and happy over Jay's reaction to the gift (to the point of blushingggg babyyy).........but then has to swallow his pride when Jay literally asks for his blessing to date his sister, just when he's starting to catch budding feelings (but there's also another heart-to-heart, and only a half-hug this time ;w;)

"…good luck," Kai says. Jay plows into his side with a grateful hug, then books it out of the warehouse, with much more pep in his step. Kai smiles to himself, endeared by Jay's quirky self…and watches him skip out of the door, now far out of his reach.

^I know it's pretty blink and miss it, but I'm still distressed this one went undetected T-T)9

B2Ch33: Kai literally checks out Jay when he's all dressed up for his date and it breaks his brain for a sec + tries to stay neutral about the whole date thing like a good brother/friend

Kai, upon being properly acknowledged, looks up from his accounting homework spread across the table. He makes the mistake of landing Jay smack in the middle of his sights. He's so used to Jay looking all scruffy and disheveled that him being all, like, sharp and crisp…is new. "…uh, wait, what…was the question…?" Kai asks, rubbing his eyes. Jay huffs as Cole cackles behind him. "He managed to finally ask Nya out! And we're hoping all goes well, right?" "…oh, yeah. Right." Kai waves it off, returning back to his homework. "I already talked to Jay about it." He continues writing, pointing at Jay without even looking up. "Don't keep her out too late, okay? It’s still a school night." Jay snorts, rolling his eyes. "Since when do you care about school nights?!" "Since this is Nya we're talking about! She's already started absorbing your habit of staying up late working on inventions and schematics. The last thing we need is a little twilight rendezvous added to the list." Jay flushes red and buries his face under his scarf as Cole breaks down into quaking laughter. Zane asks about this supposed rendezvous and where they're meeting up. Kai pouts and throws himself back into his work.

^ Anyway-

B2Ch33cont: Kai pestering Jay about his date with Nya until Zane steps in + Kai watching them pass notes in social studies class + Kai prepared to beat down Chad for what he did to Jay on his birthday

B2Ch34: Kai getting mad about having to "work" while Jay runs off on a date with Nya + gets over it when Jay begs him otherwise jhgfdgfd + Kai yelling in shock at seeing Jay's TP + Being so worried about him that Kai makes Cole throw him so he can catch Jay as he falls + Kai holding him as he comes to (and then getting jealous at his ability to fly/teleport and Jay teasing him for it) + Kai later ruffling his hair

“Nya!!! There you are!” Jay chirps, floating up to kiss her cheek.  "…what was that for?" Nya asks, amused. “I missed you this morning, that's all!” Jay chimes. "…so, good morning!" Nya giggles. “Good morning.” “…Uggggggh,” moans Kai, grimacing at them both. “Is it always going to be like this from now on?!” “Gripe all you’d like, Kai!” Jay drapes an arm around Nya. “After all, I received some sage brotherly wisdom just the other day about not listening to what other people think!” Kai huffs, glaring at the wall. “…I see I am about to regret my decisions.”

^Kai quite literally regretting his life's choices (not just about the PDA heyo)

B2Ch35cont: Kai being worried about Jay setting off an Outburst + Kai's reaction to Sunni + the fight with Chad (even though it was moreso about Nya, Kai twists it back into relating to Jay) + Kai being the last thing on Jay's mind before he goes into his Outburst + Kai being absolutely emotionally compromised in the principal's office + Kai putting his arm around Jay after Jay's last speech to Chad

B2Ch37: Not necessarily a "moment", but Kai encouraging Jay to join the talent show under his own merit + bringing up the team-up race back at the Floating Ruins

B2Ch39: Not necessarily "moments", but Kai and Jay have a lot of similar reactions to many of the events in this chapter

B2Ch42: Jay once again being the first to call out the fact that something's wrong with Kai + Kai blushing when Jay calls him out for the "smoke break"

B2Ch43: Not necessarily a "moment", but Jay's the one to hold Kai after his, uh...little swimming adventure

B2Ch44: Canonically Jay telling Kai that the Fang Blade isn't worth Kai losing his life for (not necessarily romantic either, but I just like the fact that it's Jay who says it to him–) + Jay AGAIN being the first to spot Kai upon his return from the volcano

The others all stand off to the side, gawking as Nya tears a path right for the Fang Blades all by herself. "Wow," Cole says, gaping at the carnage. He discreetly nudges Jay. "Th-That's your girlfriend, bro." "Yeah, I know…!" Jay swoons, swaying back and forth. "How lucky am I…?!" "Aaaanyway," Kai coughs, tugging them along. "C'mon, let's get the Fang Blades and leave!"

^Kai is NOT impressed lmao

B2Ch47: Jay having to quickly and efficiently calm down Kai after Wu's departure + another Plasma hug at long last

B2Ch48: Not necessarily a "moment", but Kai canonically calls Jay a genius and I appreciate him making that fact known and understood <3 (even if it's originally implied as more of a joke)

B3Ch2: Once again, being Kai is suffering

Sleepily, Jay scoots himself back to make room. Nya cuddles herself against his chest as he wraps them up like a burrito. They’re both already half asleep when Kai creeps in from over the couch’s side, clearing his throat in their direction. “Heeeeey, don’t get too cozy now.” Nya’s eyes shoot back open with an unimpressed glare. "Kai, please, we're not even doing anything! We're just snuggling!" "Hmph. And snuggling leads to cuddling and cuddling leads to canoodling!" "Nooooo, we're just being efficient with the limited sleep space," Jay responds without even flinching. In fact, he pulls Nya closer. Kai’s eye twitches at the audacity . "It's the right thing to do in these dire circumstances.” "…tch, fine .” Kai rolls his eyes. "But I’m still keeping an eye on you two." "Whatever, Kai," Nya mutters, falling back asleep as Jay lets out a snore. Kai’s gaze lingers a moment longer, before releasing a sigh and sliding a pillow carefully under Jay’s head. 

^Note that he puts the pillow under Jay's head

(It is indeed a combination at Kai being exasperated at their PDA + the continued forced denial of his feelings—this gets explored later in parallel with someone else having emotional issues *cough* Jesse *cough*)

Kai’s the first to hop out of the train, scooping the now spent Jay into his arms. “...you idiot, ” Kai huffs, even though he’s pretty sure Jay can’t hear him.  “...he should’ve never taken that night shift, especially while exhausted…!”

And I suuuure wonder what Kai's plans are for the upcoming dance when anyone he'd want to go with is already taken—or just doesn't want to go with him rip

I also wonder what Kai will do should he discover just who that ex-crush of Jay's was..........

Like I said, a lot of squinting for this given that it's not a main story focus at all nor all that impactful on the plot until S3, and definitely not on track to be "canon", mmmbut. I love them severely. Platonic, romantic, or otherwise, they have such a good dynamic foundation!!! I wanna dissect them *-*)9

[running-with-kn1ves]

Walla....kn1ves....genius big brain yandere writer....i just (re)found your Yves work (im sure you saw me freak out in the tags lmao) if you have the time/energy/inspo pls i beg you for a speck, a crumb, a droplette, ANYTHING of my baby Yves x fem!reader. I'm not sure how specific is too specific but I have a truckload of daydreams and prompts for this man dc im down BAD BAD for the way you write him. I'm not sure if this is too specific of a request but can it be yves holding himself back constantly because he wants to *romance* the reader but its so obvious he's itching for more until one day he finally snaps and takes her (specifically him giving her his virginity and whoops maybe going crazy when he finds out she isnt one)? I'm just obsessed with his characterization and want to see him in a ton of situations and feeling/reacting to different things. The stern dom undertones his whole vibe has disguised by a friendly foreign guide 🥵 The drabble of him was sooooo good and such a tease of his personality, it's so enticing hahaha. If that prompt is no good or doesn't inspire you then anything else is fine and ofc if you have no inspiration for Yves at all then that's a-okay too!!! Thank you sooooo much for thinking up that beautiful man and sharing him with us!!! Hope you enjoy your holidays💞💞💞

A/N: Ugh I'm so sorry I took so long in answering 😭😭 I was gonna write like a whole piece but my time has been cut dramatically, so please accept this poor little piece!! I was honestly so overjoyed at seeing your tags, it makes me so happy to see people's reactions to my stuff ┗( T﹏T )┛I wish I could have more time to write for this because I love the concept, I'm a huge fan of the "mysterious foreign guide who's just a little too friendly" kind of trope. Thank you so much for your support anon and I hope you enjoy this!! OG piece here for any of you nerds!

TW: Kidnapping, implied dubcon/noncon, manipulation

It wasn’t hard to notice Yve’s shift in behavior. Well, this shift out of many. When you first met him, he gave off a kind, well-meaning but nervous vibe. He did his best to show you around, to make you comfortable and converse with you in english to the best of his knowledge. That kind persona shifted into something more… desperate; obsessive, once he brought you back to his apartment. He was still kind, still well-meaning and observant to your needs. He apologized profusely when you got upset from how he kept you from leaving, promising that you weren’t missing anything important in class and that he could show you real culture instead! What could you learn from a textbook that would be better than seeing the country itself?

But time and time again, Yves made excuses to keep you inside, to make you stay by his side whether through photoshoots or studying, with him as your “teacher”. You had to learn the basics before taking such a “big” step out into his country, right? Unfortunately for you, Yve’s only taught information on the most trivial subjects. From words like “textbook” to “glass”, you were able to make meaningless sentences that wouldn’t serve you well in conversing with native speakers outside of Yve’s little apartment. Sure, it might help you occasionally, but it got you no where closer to understanding Yve’s rushed mumbling and incoherent rambling. 

With your sudden move to his apartment and his new change in conduct, Yves had slowly become less generous. He didn’t make as much of an effort to talk in english anymore, and made far less points to explain himself. You couldn’t tell what caused this new change-- a change that you were soon starting to accept as Yves showing his true colors. The man was still attentive to your needs, still caring and kind-- but the posessiveness that had slipped out almost entirely seemed to be taking hold. And while you’d think that a growing obsession would make it more beneficial to you-- it in fact, made your difficulty increase tenfold. Yves began to direct you on what you should wear, when you should eat, what you should do for the day.

 Not only that, but his attentiveness to…more intimate needs were far more prevalent as well. Whether it was bathing, or the need that pulsed between your legs, Yve’s was there to try and take care of it. You pushed him away multiple times, awkwardly trying to tell him that you were fine-- but it never seemed to stick. He always just looked at you with a tilted, confused expression, muttering in his native tongue as if he didn’t understand. So when the foreign guide began to sleep next to you instead of the cot on the floor, and began to press his morning erection agaist your backside sleepily, you knew your protests weren’t having any effect.

You would have walked right out of that teensy apartment the moment you felt he didn’t listen-- if you weren’t so afraid. If you weren’t afraid of the loaded handgun in his locked nightstand drawer, or how easily he could destroy your life at your new university-- which he mentioned offhand multiple times in a casual manner-- you would have walked out. The power he held against you, a foreign student with failing grades and no money, was too much for you to ignore. So, you decided to bide you time. It was only a matter of weeks until he got bored with you, you decided. But his new actions didn’t seem to prove that. 

In fact, the lustful, mischievous look he gave you that evening was the complete opposite. His scrawny frame jumped atop yours, hooking his hands behind your neck and leaning in to try and kiss you. He had planned an unusually fancy dinner, lighting candles you had never seen in his apartment before and bringing a bottle of wine with some italian takeout. You tried to question him about the mound of pillows and blankets on his balcony, the sudden romantic lighting, but the male only gave you a broad statement on how it was a “celebration” of sorts.

Yves’ sudden prowling mood after dinner wasn’t a complete shock-- considering you felt his eyes on you the entire evening-- but it still caught you a tad off guard. You tried to reject him, to push him away after each kiss, but it was done with such little effort and such great fear that you stayed silent once he muttered in an annoyed tone in his own language. Yves took your silence as a surrender, friskily lowering his hand under your shirt to caress your abdomen. He rambled against your flesh in half-english as he kissed you up and down, not afraid to let out vocal little noises of pleasure, or grunts of satisfaction ones he heard your breath hitch or a hum of desire come from your lips. 

But it wasn’t until he uttered a sentence with a familiar word, did you actually reply to him. You recognized the term from messing around with your friends, when you jokingly learned dirty words from your textbooks and the internet to use when you finally entered the country. You never expected to actually utilize them unless you went to a club or bar and happened to meet someone. One of those words, was ‘virgin.’ A more tame term compared to the bunch you had memorized, but one that you and your friends had idiotically decided to research. Though, it seemed your stupid endeavors had paid off. 

As Yves repeated himself, you began to understand the sentence a bit more. The man was seeming to imply… you were a virgin? Something about you both no longer virgin-ing? Maybe he was saying that he was going to ‘virgin’ you? You couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say, only mustering up the courage to poorly explain your sexual status to him, first in english and then in a broken version of his language. You tried to repeat yourself, thinking you might have said your statement wrong-- but Yve’s shocked expression and sudden lack of kisses seemed to prove you wrong. 

“You have…. Sex?” Yve put a hand to his mouth, eyes begging you to respond.

“Uh….yes?” You said with an awkward expression; you hoped he was asking what you thought.

Yve’s let out a choked gasp, looking as if you had crushed his heart in your palm. 

He looked down, voice cracking as he mumbled something incoherent, and likely not understandable to you in the first place. 

“I….I i’m sorry?” You tried to apologize, seeing how shaken Yves had become at finding out you weren’t as inexperienced as he. Despite his eagerness, you could tell he was new to trying to initiate something you had already grown long accustomed to, new to being so intimate. It was actually in part of his eagerness that you realized he wasn’t of the same sexual history. He was full of anticipation and desire, throwing caution and logic to the wind to fulfill what he had read in books and seen in films.

 Yves seemed to treasure the act of losing ones virginity far more than you had-- but you had only noticed it now. The candlelit dinner, the mood-fitting music-- your first experience was nowhere near as romantic. 

Yves seemed shaken, his low, almost sob-filled words growing heavier. He grew more aggressive, seeming to realize something now that he had processed this unexpected news. He had assumed you were just as much of an amateur as him-- that he’d be the one to “deflower” you in an act of passionate romance-- a bubble fantasy that had just been popped. But the male realized-- if he couldn’t have his desired outcome, he’d have to make due with what he had. Which was to make sure you’d fall to your knees, experiencing the best night of ‘passion’ that would make you never want to crawl to another man again. 

He was going to claim you-- to make it so those nights you spent with others never counted. 

You could only understand a fifth of what Yves breathily moaned into your mouth, once again jumping your bones though this time much more roughly. Before you could say anything further you had felt his quick hands unbutton your pants, his own thrown to the floor. He didn’t listen as you begged him to atleast let you move to the bed, where you would no longer be visible to prying eyes on the balcony. But he didn’t care-- Yves had already taken off his shirt, intent on ripping yours away too. He didn’t care anymore if this wasn’t going to be special for the reason he expected-- he was going to make sure you would be left with a night you wouldn’t forget.

[aspd-culture]

hey, so i recently did some research and took the mmpi and a few other tests that i knew were well regarded as diagnostic tools by professionals, as well as self reflection and matching myself with criteria. (all tests found free probably illegally online via links on reddit cause i dont got that kind of money) and it appears that i have aspd.

I consider myself a good person, i try to always be good to everyone which is a lot of effort because it’s something i dont do naturally, and imo that makes me better than a “normal person” but i digress

finding this out, while relieving in the way that it explained a lot of stuff, has also made me feel more alienated. i cant tell anyone im close to because theyll just hear “sociopath” and think i dont care about them or ive been manipulating them this whole and leave, and i wont be able to find new people because im bad at connecting with others so ill be alone. and no one online with aspd seems to have my experiences (also a lot of the online spaces are filled with pwBPD and pwNPD using our tag lmao and i dont relate to them either obviously) so i feel alien here too.

I dunno, finding this out was helpful in some ways but in others i just feel worse.

I guess it’s a net good now that i know that my way of thinking and going through life doesnt make me a bad or manipulative person its just how i naturally think bc of my disorder, and as long as im choosing to be good to people it shouldn’t matter. i just wish it wasnt so stigmatized to have, and i wish people would realize that i am capable of being a good person just as much as they are, i just have my own way of doing it.

I actually dont get why having it Come Naturally is such a good thing anyway, isnt it more meaningful if someone isnt “good by nature” but actively chooses to be anyway? I think it means less and is less reliable if someone is good by nature because then it means that they don’t actually know how or why theyre doing it, and if they have a moment of fluctuations in their empathy then they could be worse than any of us disordered folk who had to learn they why and how of this stuff.

lmfao ok uh sorry for having a character arc in your ask box you can delete if you want idc

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

Plain text below the cut:

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

[adorablebanite]

OC Deep Dive Questions

Thank you @hippotooth for the tag, and giving me more excuses to blab about my dumb girl!

I'd love to tag some folks, should they wish to partake (if they haven't already!) @newtia @beecreeper @obuoliukai @melvinthedepressedrobot @ennissg @sankttealeaf @forged-by-fire @forlornghosts @walkerdraws @lizziemajestic @archduchessgortash @archduchessgabrielle @elinorbard @sunflowergem @threeofswrds @arianiziolek @defira85 @lillietea @kawareo @toobisa @kaava @asteria49 @demong @aurorawintersnight @archduke-enver-gortash (I'm sorry if I missed anyone! I'd love to see EVERYONE'S response, if possible!

(I realize Tumblr doesn't let me tag more than a handful of people but i'm stubborn and will do it in the replies, lmao)

Questions/Answers for my beloved OC ~Lilla~ under the cut

Warning - she's literally just a "made in a lab for gortash" trope, so enjoy extreme self-indulgence!

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

I don't know if there's much in the way of common when it comes to BG3, but I suppose Lilla's actually fairly brave! She's a Banite after all - though it took some getting there. Honestly her worst fear is getting "fired" by the boss - but that's a given. Lady Orin actually terrifies her, and maybe Balthazar a bit, as well (he's just mostly stinky and smug, though.)

Do they have any pet peeves?

You'll be sick of hearing this already, but given Lilla's nature, her biggest pet peeve is when people don't cooperate with Gortash 😅

Honestly just general incompetence - her standards rival the Chosen's, which are basically impossible, so good luck!

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

An emerald silk bathrobe, an alchemy station stocked to the brim with all the good stuff, and a small library nook!

What do they notice first in a person?

Visually not much (unless she's attracted to them, in which case she's just like the rest of us and looks respectively, or otherwise 😉).

Believe it or not, she doesn't judge much based on looks; she's learned from the boss that every person has the potential to offer some skill or opportunity that could benefit the Banites and their chosen - so she's always looking to see what she can exploit or harness from someone, and to see if she can delegate their skills to Gortash's cause.

On a scale from 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Pretty high up there- gonna say at least an 8, but she's cheating because she was kind of intentionally 'made' that way. Once she got a pommel from a greatsword straight to the cheekbone during a tournament and she just kind of smiled bloody at the dude which freaked him the fuck out because she's so small and un-phased.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Depends on the pressure! She's survived/won a battle royal against some really grizzled Banites - though it may have mostly been luck -but it helped shape her ability to respond to fear fairly well! Again, the whole 'Banite blood' thing helps a lot!

She did have a massive panic attack when she thought her worst fear (see first question) was realized, which sent her into quite a state - so that would be the closes to fleeing she's ever gotten, really.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

If by "family" you mean "secret Banite sect at the outskirts of Calimport," then yes she comes from a fairly big family, but she doesn't remember them, since they erased her memory when she was five and gave her to an Ilmater orphanage (long story - sounds weird - it is). Not really a family person, but could be, if her path took a different turn! She's quite nurturing considering all things (Which may have been a point of contention with Bane, but she ultimately proved herself, eventually).

What animal represents them best?

This is such a hard question...I never considered. Hmm what could be considered regal and unhinged in the same stroke? Maybe I'll say Owl - because it's the symbol of knowledge, and she's a knowledge domain cleric? Also she can be fairly deadly if you let your guard down around her 😊 Also she doesn't shut up sometimes.

What is a smell they dislike?

Balthazar.

Have they broken any bones?

As mentioned before, she had her face smashed with a really heavy weapon. Would you be interested in a smol excerpt? (You get it regardless 😅 (as usual warning: amateur writing)

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Very prim, proper, and polite! Quite sweet as well! Unless you've said something uncouth about Lord Gortash (It is recommended to not do that around her).

Are they a night owl, or morning bird?

She's extremely gort-coded, so whatever he wants (so both)

What’s a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

Plump red berries are her favourite for reasons only the readers of AFI know :p. I don't know what she doesn't like! Maybe dirty/muddy meat and potatoes, which also only AFI readers will know why ^_^

Do they have any hobbies?

lol. lmao.

Alchemy I guess xD. Basically studying anything that makes her more competent/useful at her job.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprise?

I think at first she'd think it was a waste of time, but she wouldn't admit that she loves it (and the attention).

Do they like to wear jewelery?

Yes! A black suede collar with a Banite charm! She switches it for an Ilmater charm when in public though >.>

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Very neat, very succinct, very efficient. Transcribing was the very first reason Gortash hired her - especially because she's able to use her Mage Hand to write (ie in unseen places for what may or may not be for spying purposes).

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

This is so lame and cringe but just general catharsis for fulfilling her purpose. It's a perk of the whole "made in a lab" trope. For a being conceived during a silly Banite ritual designed to make the perfect servant for Bane's chosen (whoever it should be at the time), she actually feels a great deal of love -it's up to individual philosophy if it's organic/genuine, or preprogrammed.

Do they have a favourite fabric?

Emerald silk ^_^

What kind of accent do they have?

An English one, I dunno man. She grew up in an orphanage, but was taught by Ilmater nurses/clerics, so she sounds like a fancy lil bitch.

[snixx]

you know what it's 1:30am and quite literally no one cares but idk. the tags on my last post reminded me and I feel like rambling about something no one cares about and that's why I have a tumblr so why tf not lol

izzie taylor taught me that i could love.

ironic because the first person I ever loved fucking hates her guts and thinks she's toxic af lol. but cazzie meant the fucking world to me as a baby sapphic, not just because they were one of my first sapphic ships ever but because of how fucking relatable they were. they were messy ass teenagers and their chemistry felt so real. and fivel stewart (along with deepika padukone) is my #1 celeb crush of all time but Not The Point lmao.

like idk how to explain it because I'm obviously a much more stable person now than I was when I first got into the ship but the thing I love so much about izzie is how hard she tries to get fucking better. and how she apologizes and communicates when she fucks up no matter what. because the thing is she Does fuck up. a Lot. girlie has trauma and issues the size of jupiter and she has mood swings and bouts of shame and her "brain just betrays [her] sometimes" and she doesn't know how to handle it. she doesn't trust herself because she doesn't feel things consistently. and god did seeing her work her ass off to become a better person and get over her self-destructive tendencies to maintain a healthy relationship mean the world to 14 year old me. it kind of snapped me out of my self-hating cynical world view and gave me so much hope honestly. because back then I genuinely didn't believe I was capable of maintaining a healthy long term relationship (of any kind, not specifically romantic). I thought I would inevitably end up hurting everyone and the kindest option was to isolate myself forever. but the thing is. people need people to get better. sometimes you need to let people in. and izzie showed me that as long as I didn't stop trying and made sure to communicate openly and honestly no matter what, I could love people and be there for them too. and progress isn't linear. izzie does regress and fuck up over and over, but the thing is she LEARNS from her mistakes. she gets over herself and apologizes and does her best to make up for it. and she gets more stable with time, just like I did. it's not easy to realize your agency when you struggle with depression or ocd or bpd or whatever. but you do have agency. you just. have to keep trying. no matter how many times you fall on your face and fuck up. izzie showed me that it's worth trying, because you do get better. which is why she'll always be one of the characters closest to my heart. (and the ship. fucking ship of all time.)

anyway. here's my trying to be better as a fucked up mentally ill teenager playlist inspired by the one and only izzie taylor <3

and the companion casey-inspired playlist of loving someone who can and does hurt you because they're struggling with mental illness because you know they're trying and getting better and that they're worth it <3 (sidenote i could go On about the casey side of things forever too but. that's for another time lol. you don't have to put up with shit just because the other person is going through stuff that's not what I'm saying. it's more nuanced than that and I love how casey set boundaries for herself re: that buuuuuut i digress)

[twelve-nights]

kin mem dump / i try to explain the mess that is my doll-solver timeline

Everything is under cut because this is going to be LONG. I apologize ahead of time for the likely disorganization lmao,, I don't have to energy to clean this up like a proper essay

"I" here refers to Doll btw,

It's probably obvious already but I was pretty canon divergent, although some of the things aren't confirmed or contradicted by canon, so I guess it could still be canon but probably unlikely.

I'll get to the weirdness with the Solver (and the "solver family tree" i made) at the end, so here's the other major differences:

The universe was a simulation. Or at least I'm pretty sure it was something like that. There's no way that the Solver should be able to change the properties of stuff using code or open up [null] black holes if it wasn't.

I became close friends with Uzi. Also I didn't die in episode 7. This friendship happened after what should've been ep 7 and it started after I let her keep the keybug after barging into her room. I remember telling her to talk to me later (which I honestly wasn't expecting her to do, but she did) after she told me that "[the keybug] was the only answer to what was wrong with [her]".

Yeva wasn't dead. I don't remember how I found her or when but she had survived in her core like Nori did. I'm pretty sure it happened at least a few months after Cabin Fever Labs though.

And finally, here is the "Solver family tree" and my attempt to explain it

Basically, the original Solver was copied into (infected) Cyn, which then mutated and became the thing in canon. Only Cyn's Solver and copies of that has an affection towards N/V/J/Tessa. That was later directly copied into Nori and Yeva during the experiments.

What the Crucifix Patch did in my canon was basically get rid of its "murder everything"ness and stopped a lot of the overheating problems (which in turn weakened it). I consider mine and Yeva's "strain" of it to be sort of separate from Cyn's, but since the virus doesn't just copy its "base code" and copies EVERYTHING into the new host (including memories), I do have a few snippets of memories from both Cyn and Yeva. This is also why Uzi's Solver has the same opinions towards N/V/J/Tessa.

Also, the Solver was a separate program and basically was like a half-person in your head fighting for control. Constantly. You overheat more than normal, even with Copper-9 being almost freezing

Anyways, Yeva and my copy of the Solver was a lot less murdery (although it still needed oil often) and we could kind of negotiate with it since it didn't want to murder everyone. I unfortunately did not learn this until after Cabin Fever Labs. Oops.

But yeah, I eventually formed a bit of an alliance with it and it would usually manifest itself as a security camera tail or wire coming out of my neck. Uzi's Solver fucking hated mine after realizing it was on our side and would try to fight it so much. Too many times did N and the others have to try to split us apart lmao,,

I have a bunch of other scattered memories that I'm not sure where I can fit an explanation here, so feel free to send in an ask or something :>

Oh yeah, I should probably explain why I say I kin the Solver.

Technically, I guess I'm only my own Solver but because that was a copy of an altered copy of an altered copy, I do have some memories from Cyn and Yeva. It's kind of just.. weird computer logistics...? So its easier to say I just kin the Solver than having to explain the weirdness of it in my canon lmao,, It's really hard to explain robot things in human terms lol,,

tagging @anon-coke since you were curious about this :}

[cordelia---rose]

15 questions for 15 friends

i was tagged by the wonderful @johaerys-writes, thank you so much!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: nope! my mother found a book of rare names, wrote down a whole bunch, and my father only liked one of them. fun fact, only three people in the entire world have the same first name as me ⭐

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: oh man in terms of like any tears at all…like this morning because my PMDD is hitting me hard at the moment and i saw my dog being cute and it was all too much for me but in terms of a big, proper cry…probably a couple of weeks?

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: i am actively filled with repulsion and dread at the thought of having children so it’s a good thing i don’t

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?: i used to play hockey, netball, tennis and rounders at school and then whatever they made us do in PE but i’m not a huge sports person, especially not teams ones!

DO YOU USE SARCASM?: too much. i realised in my teens that if i’m deliberately deadpan and sarcastic all the time, people just think it’s funny and don’t look at me weirdly when i’m having an especially autistic day and can’t mask well because it just blends into my usual demeanour. everyone at work thinks i’m very dry and sarcastic when actually it’s mostly just me failing to understand social cues.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: gosh honestly i really don’t know. although i do pay a lot of attention to people’s smiles, i think you can learn a lot about a person by how they smile. whether it’s forced or natural, if their eyes smile too, if they hold their happiness back or let it come out unrestrained, etc., so i’ll go for smiles!

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?: boring boring blue

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: can we not have both? i’ll always have to pick scary movies though because horror is my favourite genre, but i love a final girl ending!

ANY TALENTS?: ooh this is tough because for me a talent is something you’re just naturally good at, but the things that other people would probably say i have a natural talent for are my hobbies which i’ve worked at for a long time so i wouldn’t be able to say if it’s an innate talent or just a skill i’ve honed. i think i’ll probably say playing the double bass (or upright bass in the USA) - i tried it out at a musical open day thing at my school and decided i liked it, and then twelve weeks later i sat a music exam for it and passed with top marks despite it usually taking several years to get to that point!

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: england. i was doomed from the start.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: my main ones would be writing, reading, gaming, obsessively researching and then yapping about my special interests, and baking! i also do some crafty stuff when the mood strikes (i’m not really very good at it, but that’s chill, because it’s just for fun) and i’m not sure if it counts as a hobby but i love going on the trampoline!

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: i have my dog who is simultaneously the reason i get up in the mornings and the reason i don’t want to get up in the mornings, and also a crested gecko who mostly just vibes doing her own thing.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 5’7”/1.70m

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: this changed so drastically over the years! when i was younger it tended towards history, then when i started secondary school i still loved history but classics became my main area of interest, but after i decided i didn’t want to pursue a career in that field i cast about a little bit and realised that while i hated, like, plant biology and chemical reactions, i was really into specific aspects of science and that’s what i’m studying at uni now!

DREAM JOB?: forensic anthropologist, i’m undertaking my master’s in this and i really hope i get to have a career in this one day, it’s my life’s ambition.

Tagging (i barely talk to anyone on here lmao so it's definitely going to be fewer than 15! also there's with no pressure): @stressedanime @royalthorned @a-good-sandwich @toy-soldiering @claudiadiary

[nearsbday]

hello - this event is a wonderful idea, everything is so neatly organized, and i love the tumblr theme too! i would like to ask - am i mistaken in thinking an event like this pretty much consists of doing all this (wonderful) organization of the blog, the rules, the prompts - just leaving it all there for people to see, and then reblogging everyone's fanworks? (and of course, doing a great job at answering everyone's questions!) i've always been intimidated by how much work fandom events look to be, but it's occurred to me recently that a prompt-based, free-to-opt-in event like this doesn't involve all the job of putting out surveys and collecting their results, organizing teams of people, following up with unfulfilled submissions, etc. so i'm kind of hopeful i might be able to organize a similar event one day. you guys are doing it amazingly, it's no small job, but i was genuinely wondering because it also feels pretty achievable :) but of course that might be me being a bit naive. is there any other work behind the scenes? i'm honestly just curious to know how much work it takes either way! i've seen other people do a surprising amount of work for events like this - getting people to make countdown art, tons of surveys, interest checks, etc. did you guys also do something like that? do you think it is or is not strictly necessary for a prompt-based event? thank you so much in advance for replying, good luck with the event, and i hope it's a blast! (and i'm so sorry for being too long winded! i always get caught up in trying to clarify!)

HI! thank you for the question, and no worries about long-windedness. i'll do my best to answer your question. we did not do any surveys, because we had ideas for prompts already and wanted to use those! we also didn't really worry too much about doing a big interest check. i don't have a good explanation for that other than "personally knew enough people who were nominally interested to feel pretty good about it" lmao. if the event were more niche -- for example, if this were an event for a small ship, or a less popular character -- i think it would have been prudent / useful to do an interest check and to poll people for when they're available, but since Near is fairly popular (though arguably under-appreciated. in my totally non-biased opinion.) and his birthday is on a set date, interest wasn't too much of a concern, and the dates weren't too hard to land on, either.

so far, the graphics have been the largest amount of work, as well as thinking of how to organize and run things-- stuff like determining when to release prompts, how often / how to do promotion for the event, when to post reminders / countdowns, rules, submission guidelines, determining a tagging system for submissions once the event starts (we will be tagging with prompt, day, fan work format {fic vs art vs playlist etc}, whether or not it's sfw, username of the person submitting, and honestly probs at least one more thing i'm just forgetting rn)... so on and so forth. i have a lot of fun making graphics for fanfics and such, so i took charge of creating those, and what we have so far pretty easily took around... 14-16 hours? this is including things that aren't posted yet, like the graphics we have for each day of the event. i still have a few more graphics to make as well for things like the countdown :-)

it's hard for me to say how much work the rest will be, since it hasn't happened yet-- and since i imagine it'll depend on how much participation we get!! -- but, if you'd like to talk more about the set-up for an event like this, or if you'd like to hear what i think after the event is finished / listen to whatever lessons we end up learning from running our first event, feel free to reach out to me at @blondiest or @neallo <3 [i won't speak definitively for my co-runner, but i imagine she'd be happy to weigh in as well!]

[misc-obeyme]

"tag redacted because i got too embarrassed" HELP WHY IS THAT A MOOD AKSKD, I'M ALWAYS HOLDING BACK IN MY TAGS AND ASKS BC I BECOME SELF AWARE AT THE LAST SECOND (the things i must keep to myself about mammon-). My tags are messy and long bc i always ramble

you already know why I'm here !! To enable !! that line from barbatos is wild in the best way, and understandable why you'd go crazy 😭 that's me with the horror devilgram where mammon is saying something like "ya look so scared. You know that only turns me on more?" Like HELLO GOOD SIR WKWKDF OKAY FINE YOU CAN MURDER ME IF YOU KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT WHEW

all I'm saying is 👀 barb smut would go hard LMAO

Also!! I saw the other ask and 😭😭🥹🥹 wdym people like my story?! brb sobbing, I LOVE Y'ALL SM FOR THE SUPPORT WAHHH

next part soon hopefully maybe 😭 I'm trying to beat og before Thursday (lesson 71) bc i go on vacation next week with limited internet, and I've been working hard on the solomams songfic. I'M AT 3.5K WORDS ?!

I'm not even done is the worst part, but i wrote a kiss scene and got all embarrassed at 3 in the morning. these bitches are switches and it shows (i think)

AOKAY IVE ALMOST MADE IT TO WORK BYEE

- ✨ anon

I am such a rambler in the tags! Sometimes I can keep 'em short and sweet, but then sometimes I say WAY too much and I have to delete stuff. And in this case, I was like, I can't with this lol. If you all only knew the realities of what I keep to myself... but after my ramblings, I'm pretty consistent with my tags. I tried to keep them as simple as possible so I wouldn't forget them.

I swear there was another card or event or something where Mammon said that MC being scared turned him on?? Or like they were making out and being chased by zombies or something and he was like wow I'm so turned on right now??? Something along those lines. Which I find very funny considering he's usually the one who's scared!

But oh wow "You need to learn your place." All I can think about is a situation where Barb has a bratty MC tied up and then it's all- okay I better stop before I have to redact things again. But yeah that line just awakens the brat in me lololol. TMI I KNOW.

AND YES! See, the consensus is that we love your story and want more of it lol! Whenever you're ready to share the next part, that is! I'm curious about the playlist drama!

Also you would be surprised at how quickly words can rack up if you aren't paying attention. This happens to me A LOT. Like all the time.

The thing about this, in my opinion, is that sometimes you need more words than you realize because you need the space to tell the story. Usually if I'm just writing something short and sweet, it's a single scene, plucked out of time, depicting a very simple idea. But the second a story gets a little more complex is the second you start finding you need more and more words for it to make sense! I say just go with it, let yourself write as much as the story needs!!

Everybody in this game is a switch as far as I'm concerned lol. I can't help it, that's just how they live in my mind.

Anyway, I hope you're enjoying the writing process! Don't push yourself and don't be afraid to write a lot!!

[breakbeatbun]

i did a lot of "boy things" as a kid and I've always felt less "girl" because of it, i never played with stuff that was considered feminine, partly because i was afraid of judgment, but also i found "boy stuff" more appealing. it's tough not relating to one's peers in a binary way. i would love to play cars

tags on this post for context

i was raised by a mechanic and carpenter so a lot of my early free time was spent in a barn full of tools, machines, welding masks, piles of cut-up BMX bikes we'd find in the garbage, stripped-bare sandrails and their engines, couple rifles or compound bows here or there, probably listening to whatever crusty old rock music my dad put on. hell, i was rowing through the gears of my mom's old square body S10 while she drove us to the store before i was barely tall enough to see over the dash. "hanging out with friends" was playing Guitar Hero or Racing & Skateboarding Video Games, or riding our bikes and skinning our knees. "hanging out with dad" was often target shooting in the backyard or building something; I rarely ever held the flashlight, i had the tools in my hands and grease under my fingernails.

that's a lot of exposition but i'm trying to paint the most specific picture i can! TL;DR, a lot of arguably "boy things" in my upbringing, and i fit right into it, lot of fondness in my heart for it still!

around the time i had my big Gender Awakening at the tail-end of high school i had already been Online for a bit - hell i learned what it meant to feel non-binary from this very website circa 2013 - but it wouldn't be until maybe 2019 or so when i moved out that i really started making other queer and trans friends, and it was pretty immediately obvious that i was extremely different from the rest of my community, both online and offline. of course, nobody was rude about it, everybody was VERY respectful of my name and my pronouns and my identity, but it was still really easy for me to feel "othered" because our shared experiences didn't line up at all; At most maybe i got made fun of for having long hair. it made it really easy to feel like i wasn't doing enough work to justify my queerness.

at the other end of that spectrum, i recently tried on she/her pronouns at the front of my bio, just to see if i was missing something, and i was quickly met with an IMMEDIATE outpour of support from friends and community alike. SO many people were loud about being So Proud of me, Knew i Had It In Me, i had multiple friends message me privately to offer information and easy routes to HRT "just in case ;)" i was thinking about it! and, yeah, it's nice to have that kinda support, i'll admit! but it was hard not to feel a little invalidated in not wanting to change. it really felt like a lot of people, close friends even, just kinda saw me as a trans woman waiting to have a bigger realization, as though being non-binary was just a meaningless stepping-stone to something greater. and i mean, i can't blame them, they just wanted to help!!

today i'm pretty firmly Queer/non-binary (with a little bit of Girl on the side when it's either Appropriate or Funny), and my body and voice are very much unaltered from the ones i was born with. virtually indistinguishable from a cishet version of myself, just with the he/him lopped off and they/she sloppily appended in its place; simply because i don't have the energy or don't care to put much effort into change, and that's very much fine for me. I know damn well i don't owe it to anybody but myself anyway, granted none of it tends to matter much when you present as a rabbit girl on the internet LOL. I'm thankful to have built myself a little space where i can engage with others like me, or where other queers feel welcome to express interest in the things that I'M all about! even if it's a little few and far between. still struggle with feeling like i fit in with The Girls tho LMAO.

IDK! this post is my half-baked love letter to my fellow AMAB NB folks who get treated like Cis Men, Trans Women who don't "put the effort in," or Anyone who can Otherwise Relate in the same, or even an opposite sort of way. we are playing cars together

[cestacruz]

I want to learn more about the master Artoria Au

🥹❤️❤️ueueueu

It's quite more extensive than Just the Holy Grail War

The lineup until now is

Saber: Musashi and Iori Miyamoto (Master(s) in the works)

Archer: James Moriarty (Master is Cassidy, i already posted something bout her)

Lancer: (Might be) Qin Liangyu (master in the works)

Rider: Ludwig van Beethoven (I already have her master but i refuse to post about them for now. I need dignity. I'll say two words to describe them tho: Hatsune Miku)

Caster: Zeno of Elea (no master yet)

Assassin: Hassan of the Shining Star (no master yet either) (also funnily enough, ive had Shining Star in this AU since two years ago, so imagine my surprise when he got released LMAO)

And well, Berserker: Queen Guinevere (and yknow, master Arturia)

It's sorta a modern AU but not at the same time, i'll put a cut here because its long and i ramble

It's not a Forced project to bring Arthur back like with Gray but the alternate name i use for this AU in my notes is "The Once and Future King" so...

History repeating itself sorta thing but without the doomed narrative (unless.) (Haha just kidding...) (...unle--)

The "pendragon|orkney" family does exist (as in mom(igraine)(she's alive), dad(uther)(he left them), morgan and lot, and nephews and nieces (morgan lost a bet to 5 year old arturia and had to name her kids after the knights) and more arthuriana characters are scattered around too, but they dont have an importance to the HGW part of the AU, with the exception of a few

They still call her Arturia (TECHNICALLY they call her Arthuria, because i love that name and no one will take it from me) because the few years that Uther was with them, he called Arturia "Arthur" because he wanted a boy and he couldnt cope (theres the History repeats itself motif and also misogynistic men like that still exist), so Morgan used Arthur*ia* as a nickname, and it stuck

This is where i will confess that im thinking of using a different name for Arturia, i already Kinda do in my notes. As in legal name (thinking of Aurlyn, which is similar but different enough). I would be doing the same with some of the Orkney siblings whose names would not be as common in the modern world or too obvious a reference, while still being named after the knights (Gareth would stay as Gareth cuz thats literally still a mormal name people use, but a name like Agravain or Mordred arent as common, ig. Or Gawain. And Gaheris. Actually only Gareth has a mormal fcking name)

ALSO mordred is Morgan and Lot's kid in this. No weird cloning in my modern AU. Genetics from the pendragon hit hard tho, they still look like Arturia

Actually idk what else to say rn, theres some more stuff but its escaping my mind, so little random stuff

Arturia's family has little to no mage relation currently, but they still have mage blood and sht

Also Merlin manipulated Morgan(modern) using her literal dreams, into freeing him from Avalon and he used to that hang out with little kid Arturia at the park (everyone hates him/chases him away)

The reason why Cath Palug is there is because this AU follows the F/SN timeline, which is a timeline in which Chaldeas never formed. Therefore, Fou never learned to love people, teehee. He only learned to hate Merlin and King Arthur (?)

Also theres a modern Guinevere, tho her name is literally just Gwen, and Arturia and her met during high school Time but they werent Actually classmates (think like, tournaments or trips to other school/places). I called her "arturia's high school crush" in the tags of a previous ask but they are still friends and talk a lot

And yeah , thank u and i am, Very happy that you asked bout it

[robotsandramblings]

Bad Batch + napping headcanons

(i'm sure this has been discussed many times before, it's nothing new rly, but i wanted to get my thoughts out bc i was rambling on about this in the tags of another post lmao)

this got so long wtf??? so, short version here, full version under the readmore :P

Crosshair -- frequent, instant, power naps in the daytime

(often has trouble sleeping due to enhanced night vision)

Hunter -- "close my eyes and try to relax" type 'napping'

(also has trouble sleeping, sometimes, due to enhanced senses)

(also, y'know when your friends/relatives can tell you're PMSing because of your particular/unusual emotional & physical symptoms? the boys can tell when "it's time" for Hunter to have a proper nap in much the same way lmao)

(cue an unspoken group effort to give him quiet time)

Tech -- can power nap but hates taking naps; often ends up falling asleep in the middle of doing stuff while "resting his eyes"

Wrecker -- can nap anywhere&time, but his naps are long and deep and he's hard to wake up sometimes

Echo -- can't nap (and even if he could, he wouldn't); but will "shut his eyes and try to relax" nap, if need be

bonus #1: Rex -- can only nap if he's physically in contact with someone he trusts

bonus #2: Gregor -- unintentionally "fake" naps, ie. looks so relaxed that people think he's asleep but he's actually awake and just has his eyes closed; prefers to be touching or cuddling someone when 'napping', doesn't matter who lol

((detailed version below!))

as i said in another post, i believe Crosshair has perfected the art of the instant power nap in the daytime

as part of his dna tampering, the kaminoans gave Crosshair excellent night vision

however since he wasn't born naturally with it, it still bothers him at night when he's trying to sleep. hence daytime power napping.

Hunter also has some degree of night vision; coupled with his enhanced senses and related headaches, he also has trouble sleeping sometimes.

like, i figure by now, he's taught himself how to tune out most distractions so he can sleep. but he still struggles, esp in unfamiliar/new areas (unlike their bunk room on Kamino or on the Marauder, where i'm sure he has no problem falling asleep, even when the boys are all still up and talking)

anyways, i think that Hunter struggles to take proper naps. he usually does the "close my eyes and relax" type of 'napping'

but when Hunter does need a nap? like really truly needs a proper sleepytime nap? the boys know it. oh boy do they ever.

it's like when a friend/relative realizes you're PMSing because you're overly/unusually emotional or cranky hgfghgfdfghjkl

that's what over-tired Hunter is like - he just gets a very specific way emotionally (i'm thinking shorter temper, thinner patience, clipped tone of voice; on the flip side, if he sees something that makes him sad, his eyes will immediately glisten with tears, and he's ultra quiet and reserved the whole day)...

...and the boys have learned to recognize all the mental and physical signs, in Hunter's body language and tone of voice and reactions to things

and once they internally realize "ahhh it's Hunter Naptime," there's an immediate unspoken group effort to go into Naptime Mode: collect supplies (blankets, water, snacks, outerspace-Advil), leave Hunter the hell alone, and make as little noise as possible for the next few hours.

like, Hunter literally does not have to ask them for quiet time anymore, they already know. (sometimes even before Hunter himself does!)

on that note, Hunter himself does usually recognize his own physical warning signs. like, he feels fatigued in a specific way, or his eyes or head aches in a particular way that's only from overtiredness.

like Crosshair, Tech can power nap anywhere at anytime. he just choses not to because he hates napping - he'd rather be working on something

so it usually ends up being that Tech falls asleep in the middle of something while he was just "resting his eyes for a minute"

Wrecker, as we've basically already seen, can and will nap anywhere at anytime.

but not quick power naps - he tends to fall into a deep and long nap, and it can be hard to wake him up

like if he falls asleep whilst on you in any way, you're screwed bc you ain't movin' for a while lol

Echo can't nap; and even if he could, he wouldn't. mostly bc he likes to be alert and/or ready at all times. but even when he's at ease, he's just not a napper.

when rest is needed, he's like more like Hunter, preferring the "close my eyes and try to relax" type of 'napping'

and hey, how about a couple fun bonuses? :P

Rex can only nap if he's physically in contact with someone he trusts (back-to-back sitting upright or laying down, lean on shoulder, using their stomach/thigh/leg as a pillow, etc.)

Gregor has unintentionally perfected the art of "fake napping." similar to Hunter and Echo, he can't fall asleep during a nap, but he will shut his eyes and relax. however, unlike the others, he's very calm and relaxed when he 'naps', so much that it always looks like he's sleeping.

(Gregor hears a lot of gossip and shit this way; people always assume he's really asleep, so they talk about whatever around him, but he's actually hearing everything lol)

Gregor also prefers to be physically in contact with someone when he 'naps'. even more than Rex. if Gregor can wrap himself around a limb or do a full body cuddle up, he will!! and it doesn't matter who lol

(for Rex it's a feeling of safety thing; for Gregor it's just because he's naturally a 'touchy-feely' type person)

[crystalflygeo]

Long overdue final ebg post (lmao) bc I need to get this out of my system...

Tag for all the posts/storyline

Art by the amazing lovely precious cutie Aine @/ainescribe

First of all I want to thank @i23kazu immensely for allowing me to participate pls I was SO unsure at first haha and she absolutely killed it with the interactions, the lil side project, the prompts, the scores tally... it's just so much work, kudos to you Ying fr!! It was a super fun game.

Shoutout to my besties/mutuals

@silentmoths @ainescribe thank you for your lil asks I love seeing your characters aaaaaaaa 💕

@floraldresvi @moraxsthrone and all the anons I got, your sabotages here and in discord were brutal omg Vi you almost made my cry //pos bc I wanted to react/respond to Li's messages 🥺 EVERY SINGLE TIME ghgnhgnghgn and NOT KEL MAKING MY GIRL HAVE A WET DREAM/SPICY MEMORY TYVM 💕 the way I had to contain myself hELP I loved it svcgavscgvsjgacbkackl

@meimeimeirin you also sabotaged me a lot, meanie //pos I loved SO MUCH your asks/little stories aaaaaa thank you for engaging so much when I know you're super busy 🥺 it def made my day everytime, ty for bringing the girl home and solving my silly lil mystery hehe 💕

@kurikurikurisu GIIIIIRL it's so funny to me that we kinda started interacting more on the last ebg for Rin and then I was like "she's a cool person I wanna fren.... 👉🏻👈🏻 but I shy...." took my sweet time to invite you to the server and turns out THIS ebg got us closer (I think? ehe?//hit) we didn't interact much in tumblr with each other's plots but bOY were we emotional support in discord, we really were in this suffering together 🤝🏻 mhm //nods nods 🤣 thank you so much for being interested in my lil silly plot and my girl aaaaaa

As for the "plot" and other things... (this got so long I am so sorryy;;;)

Well at first I wanted to do kinda a normal ebg, no plot or anything bc I don't think I have the smarts to do an elaborate game/story lmao and I kinda wanted to have more established s/i lore?? And then I realized hey I can use the ebg to introduce my s/i!!!

See I'd been working SO hard on her names lately, researching and studying in-game adepti lore and stuff and I though why don't I make it a simple game where the goal is to guess her name (with me giving hints ofc) and at the very start I had the idea of her losing her memories so she could re-discover/remember things about herself alongside the "players" learning them. Whoever character I got as my bias would help her and get to know her too along the way, even npcs (or in the rare case of me getting Dottore/Pantalone, probs be the villain for her memory loss lmao)

And then I got Kazuha. And it was so SO perfect. I took inspiration from Spirited Away with the plot point of having your name/memories/identity stolen and for some reason I remembered the whole Ino-shika-cho koi-koi card combo from Summer Wars I just had this vivid mental image of a scene where Kazuha dropped the biggest hint by writing the Kanji for Butterfly (Chō) which doubles ofc as the Hanzi for Butterfly/Crystalfly (Dié) written the same pronounced (and romanized) differently :3c

I was very proud of myself//hit also

I did not end up making haiku bc they are complicated but I at least tried to loosely keep/emulate the 3 phrases, phonetic rhyme and sensory elements while referencing my lil plot lmao

✧˖Originally I was gonna blame it on a playful tanuki or smth but I don't think they're powerful enough youkai lmao it was probably a kitsune.... we may never know ✧˖She was technically never in any danger yeah but imagine being lost with no memories and no way to know if you could get them back even because every person she met kept telling her they didn't know ofc she'd break down, or at least me, I'm very crybaby and neurotic sometimes//HIT ✧˖Yes this entire thing was technically Zhongli's fault since he did write her a letter addressed 亲爱的晶蝶 ("My dear Crystalfly/Jingdie") and that IS her name woops on a random note I kinda imagine he also signs with something like 你的龙 "Your Dragon" and vice versa with Crys ("My dear Dragon/your Crystalfly") sgcvgajsvcjhacbajkca //squeals kicks feets

And all this started because I was stressing over the fact that "Crys" is not an appropriate name for a Liyue character lmao, I debated for so long giving her a chinese name, but I didn't want to further make her an OC I wanted her to represent me/my blog (also part of me was and still is immensely worried I somehow insult cn ppl by being as some sort of weeabo equivalent or that I am "appropriating culture" or idk I may be dumb but I try to do my research and I prommy it does not come from a place of malice or anything I genuinely love genshin and Li and it's got me interested in a culture/country I funnily enough have somehow interacted with and have friends in but never really paid that much attention to ig...) and then I just had the epiphany What if I just reverse engineer and name her Crystalfly in cn? Lore would be that either her name got accidentally translated in documents a long long time ago and ppl started calling ehr Crystalfly/Crys and she rolled with it or she simply adopted the translation/nickname as her name for international settings, keeping her true name more private (hidden in plain sight tbh) p sure the only ones who know are the elder adepti (Ganyu/Xiao included) and Neuvillette (once he told her his real/first name) (ironically Crys may be harder to pronounce i other languages lmaoooo rip Fontaine)

Anyway this got way too long lmao sorrryyyyyyyy thank you everyone kith kith love y'all bye!! 💕