#long nosed horned frog

[stickyfrogs]

We are in Kuching, Borneo for the 10th World Congress of Herpetology this week! This Magnificent Friend is a Long-nosed Horned Frog or Malayan Horned Frog (Pelobatrachus nasutus) and we met them at Kubah National Park on our first day in Borneo! 🐸

[birdblues]

Long-nosed Horned Frog

[aticketplz]

この声、本当にびっくりした！！

@東山動植物園

I was really surprised to hear your voice!!!

@Higashiyama Zoo & Botanical Gardens

[bestfrogbracket]

Long-Nosed Horned Frog: This frog’s appearance serves as excellent camouflage for the rainforest floors of Thailand, Borneo, Singapore, and Malaysia where it lives. They’re ambush predators who feed on large prey, including small rodents and other frogs. They also lay their relatively small clutches of eggs in streams, attaching them to the underside of rocks and logs.

Bornean Flat-Headed Frog: The only known lungless frog! They don’t have a glottis, which normally separates the esophagus and windpipe, and males even lack a vocal sac. Their flat shape is likely to increase surface area through which they absorb oxygen from the cool, fast-flowing streams they live in. These streams have a higher oxygen content than warm stagnant waters, making this species very vulnerable to any changes in water quality from human activity.

[crittercountry00]

[herpsandbirds]

Malayan Horned Frog aka Long-nosed Horned Frog (Pelobatrachus nasutus), family Megophryidae, Borneo

photographs by James Jolokia

[mrsrookhunt]

What to Expect When Your Lab Experiment Drinks Formula

PART TWO, PART THREE

A continuation (Mini fic Ver.) fic of what I made for Rook, HERE

| Synop.: You and your lab partner make a mistake in your potion, one that comes out looking strangely like it's related to you.. |

Characters: Azul Ashengrotto, Malleus Draconia, Lilia Vanrouge, Floyd Leech, Sebek Zigvolt, (Rook Hunt) x MC

Warnings: Suggestive (Floyd), Angst (Sebek), implied light manipulation (Malleus)

Scroll Farther Alert! There's a narration cut for the second part of each fic after the first portion. Don't miss it! Each ends with fluff. Sebek's is long, fair warning.

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You're trying to make a simple transformation potion, aging up a tadpole to a frog, when you add the wrong ingredient, and use one drop too many on the poor tadpole. The result is a child that looks eerily like the two of you...

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Azul Ashengrotto

"Holy-- great sevens, Azul, is that a child??"

He holds it up a foot away from him, equally baffled.

"Don't ask me! You're the one who insisted on using the wrong ingredients!"

"You were the one who picked those--"

"WAHHHHHH--" The baby flails its arms and fusses at your petty squabbles.

You turn your attention back to the small creature, looking disoriented from being held so far away from any solid ground.

Azul's watching too, as the child seems to scold you both with an oddly knowing glare that could kill.

You've seen that glare before--

"Azul, am I crazy, or does that thing look like you??"

"Weh." It motions towards you as Azul looks over it.

"Gracious, so it does. And it looks like you too. Look at its' nose and eyes."

You come closer to look, but the baby seems intent on having you hold it, squirming out of Azul's hands.

"Ahem, I believe the little one wants you--"

He pushes the wiggly baby into your arms, taking the moment to reposition his glasses, which had slid down with nervous sweat.

"I'll go talk to professor Crewel, there is undoubtedly something he can do about this."

Malleus Draconia

"Child of man! What is that you're holding?"

"Um... it was supposed to be a frog...."

Malleus takes it from you, holding it cautiously. The little baby he holds has soft black hair, slit-pupiled eyes the same color as yours, and suspiciously familiar shorter horns. It coos at him and motions to his horns with curious, grabby hands.

"Whatever we did, we must have touched it at the same time, Tsunotarou... Because it looks like a mix of both of us."

He puts it on the back of his neck with his arms up to support the chubby infant as it grabs at his horns.

"Hm. It's quite cute, Child of man. We can keep it in Diasomnia if Ramshackle doesn't have the capacity to care for it."

You stare on in disbelief.

"It's... its a frog with a transformation potion... we can't keep it, Malleus!"

He frowns, taking the infant down from his shoulders and cradling the small bundle to his chest.

"The potion had birch seed in it. The transformation is permanent; so I don't see a reason to get rid of it."

Malleus smiles, tickling its chubby cheeks.

"There's no way it's totally permane-- Wait. Didn't you have me add some of those ingredients? Did you know this would happen?"

Malleus is suspiciously silent.

"Malleu--"

"I'll go ask professor Crewel if there's a reversal." He sighs, handing the baby to you and moping all the way to the desk.

Lilia Vanrouge

"If you wanted a baby, precious, you could've just asked--"

You nearly slap him. So cocky, when there's a baby that looks suspiciously like you and Lilia on the table where a grown frog should be.

"Sevens, Lilia, this is not the time--"

He chuckles.

"In my defense, I told you not to use a sprig of pine."

You splutter, lost for words and flustered. The baby certainly seems to share Lilia's sense of humor, giggling mischievously at your flustered expression.

You pick it up before Lilia can, determined to barge straight into professor Crewel's office if you had to to get an answer on what this thing was.

"Heh, MC, the baby's smiling at you--" Lilia calls from a distance. You look down and find that the baby is indeed wholeheartedly excited that you're paying it attention, reaching its chubby arms up to feel your face and grab your nose.

"Aww.. so cute," You whisper, blowing a stray breath into its face for amusement.

"I heard that!" Lilia shouts from the table. "Don't go getting too attached now. I'm not raising another child, darling."

"Shush! I'm taking it to the professor right now, you have nothing to worry about."

Floyd Leech

"SHRIMPY, CAN WE KEEP IT---"

Floyd is whirling the baby around in excited twirls.

It's a very cute moment, but you're still baffled at the little creature's existence-- since it very much didn't exist about 10 seconds ago.

"Floyd, I'm pretty sure that's just an oversized tadpole..."

He stops in mock offense, thrusting the baby into your face.

"Does this look like a tadpole to you?? Unless you're suggesting that we both look like tadpoles, in which case, I'm taking offense because this baby looks like us."

He puts it down to play with its tiny legs.

"Look, shrimpy! It's going for a walk--" He pauses to think. "A sky walk!!" And continues to make the little one's legs 'walk'.

While Floyd is busy making baby noises to amuse the child, you're panicking. This potion had birch seed-- an ingredient known to make transformation potions permanent, if you remembered correctly.

"Floyd, c'mon, give it here, we need to take this to profess--"

"NOO we'll keep it!!!" Floyd holds the baby tight to his chest. "It's wayyy too cute!"

You pry the baby from him reluctantly.

"We cannot just keep a child, Floyd, it's not an animal--"

"If you take this one I'm just gonna make another one!!" He cries, moving to grab another tadpole from the tank.

"NO NO NO NO FLOYD--"

"Well don't take my little sea-star then!!"

You sigh.

"I'm almost 100% sure this is permanent anyway, but neither of us are in a position to care for this baby. We might as well take it to the professors and see if they can do something. We can't just hide the fact that we accidentally made a baby for our final project anyway---"

He mutters something about 'could've made a baby other ways, but it had to be the boring way', but allows you to go with the little one, who coos in your ear.

You hear a clatter.

"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THE TADPOLE TANK, FLOYD--"

Sebek Zigvolt

"Human, explain. Explain----"

The baby bites his finger, which apparently was pointing at it too close for its liking.

"Ouch--! What do you think you're doing, little tyke? Do you think that just because you're an infant that you have an excuse to bite a retainer of the great Waka-sama??"

The baby looks blankly at him.

"You can't scold a baby, Sebek." You scoffed, bouncing the child on your hip.

"Fine! But you still have to explain why this child has my hair and eyes and....-- isn't that your nose?" He looks momentarily horrified as he comes to the conclusion you came to minutes earlier.

"Oh NO NO NO NO MC THAT IS NOT OUR CHILD, TELL ME THAT CREATURE ISN'T OURS--"

"For goodness sake Sebek you're shouting right in our baby's ear--"

"'OUR'?? THAT IS NOT 'OUR' ANYTHING, THAT IS YOUR POTIONOLOGY MISTAKE AND NOTHING MORE--"

He's babbling nearly incoherently at this point, and you have to stop the baby from attempting to bite him again out of what you can only assume is annoyance.

"...I would NEVER have a child with a lowly, magicless human, this CANNOT get out---"

"waah...wEHHHHHHHH"

Sebek stops talking for a moment, ears ringing.

You, too, are shocked.

"Sebek.. if it's not your child then I have ANOTHER auditory atrocity of a person to avoid on this planet."

"..."

"I'm taking it to professor Crewel."

"I think that's wise."

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You/ your lab partner take the child to professor Crewel, who determines that it is in fact a permanent transformation, and that biologically the baby is as much yours as any other naturally born to the two of you.

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Azul Ashengrotto

"Are... you ok, Azul? You've been staring into space for a... ahem, awhile."

The baby crawls around the the VIP Room of Mostro Lounge, bumping into walls. You suspect it may need glasses.

Surprisingly, the baby seems well-tempered, unless you have the misfortune of holding it the wrong way or otherwise inconveniencing it, to which it seems highly irritated.

However, it was one 'just like your father' comment that sent the already figity Azul into an unresponsive state.

"Was, um.. was that too soon?" You ask tentatively.

"..Yes.. yes, I think it was." He responds distantly.

"Azul, it's gonna be ok. We'll figure it out." You get up from the floor to hold his hand.

He meets your gaze, eyes sharp and calculating.

"Yes, of course we'll be fine, how could we not be? Finances are no issue and we could always hire a babysitter and.... well, it's not that. It's just a lot to take in."

"Today's been wild," You agree softly, gently picking up the baby to put it in his lap. "But I'm here for you."

You lean down to the baby's level.

"We're here for you, little one."

Malleus Draconia

"I still CANNOT believe you knew, Malleus--"

You're still squabbling with him pointlessly, even though the damage is already done. You can honestly say you've well warmed up to the baby, and Malleus seems to be doing worse than you on the details, having apparently very little idea how to care for a child other than playing with it.

"I'm sorry, Child of Man. I didn't know it was permanent," He insists calmly, but you don't quite believe that.

You sigh. He can act clueless as long as he'd like, but the overly exuberant smile on his face while interacting with your child says more than words.

He picked up the baby and put it down on his bed, already having sewn little, special pillows for the baby to sleep comfortably with its horns.

"You better be a good dad, you hear me?" You say, less threatening that you thought it would come out.

He beckons you over to the bed to lay down next to your baby.

"I will, Child of Man, I promise."

Lilia Vanrouge

You knock on his dorm room door, baby on your hip.

"So..um.. bad news, Lilia... it's perman-- Are you having a party?"

He shoos out at least 10 members of Diasomnia.

"I know, dear. Unfortunately I didn't realize what you had done in time to stop you. So I was having a little 'last moments of freedom party'. How sad, and Silver was essentially all grown up now.. Well, what's another 16 years?"

You're speechless. You had kind of forgotten that he was Silver's adoptive father.

"I'm... sorry, Lilia, I should've payed closer attention to the instructions and I screwed up--"

"Hush, it's fine. It's not the end of the world."

He takes the baby from you.

"I already brought in an old cradle and some food for our little one, see?"

He points out an old wooden crib next to his bed.

"Wow... you're.. so prepared, and I haven't even thought about that stuff.."

He smiled at you, nuzzling the baby's cheek a few times simultaneously.

"I'll admit, it got me a little excited. I didn't think an old man like myself would get the chance to raise a child of my own flesh and blood. But never say never, I suppose. You have nothing to worry about, precious. What you don't know, I have already experienced."

"...Thank you for being so understanding, Lilia."

"Of course, dear, after all, we're a family now."

Bonus the one stipulation is that you will not and will not ever share the cooking duties with him. Silver makes you swear by it to avoid his own childhood traumas for his younger siblings.

Floyd Leech

You brace yourself for the inevitable flurry of excitement before knocking on Floyd's door.

"WHERE'S MY LITTLE SEA STARRRRRR~~~~" You hear from the other side of the door before the door flies open. You hand the baby off to Floyd, who's more than ecstatic.

"It's permanent," you sigh, hoping he's listening. "We have to take care of the baby now--"

"WheeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE" Floyd runs back and forth across the small room with the child, making faces all the while.

"Floyd!" You scold, finally breaking his stride.

"Ehh? I hear you, shrimpy, how can I not? It's ok, I have a plan. We'll love this baby with our whole hearts!"

"...That's the plan?"

"I spent two hours thinking of it, do you like it?"

"That child cannot stay here," A smooth voice cuts in. "This room is much too small for the two of us, let alone a third."

"Oh, hey Jade, didn't see ya come in," Floyd remarks casually. "And obviously I've thought of that. The baby will live in Ramshackle, because there's more space. It just needs some touch ups to be babyproof, is all."

"Touch-ups? It needs a whole remodel."

Floyd grins.

"Got an idea, shrimpy. Transfer to Octavinelle! Then the baby can share a room with you and we'll all be nearby!"

"Oh forget it, I'm asking Crowley to help me improve Ramshackle. Until then, you'll have to deal with the living arrangements." You put your hands on your hips and give Jade a look that means you'll raise hell if he doesn't agree to you and Floyd's half-baked plans.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt, so long as it was temporary."

"YESSSSS!!!!!"

Floyd's excitement leads to him jumping on you.

"D'ya hear that, Shrimpy? That means you can stay here too. And we'll be one big happy family."

Sebek Zigvolt

"Sebek?" You gently knock on his door, after having been told he'd been doing nothing but pacing around all evening.

"Sebek," you call again, a bit louder.

The door swings open violently.

"What?? Who dare disturb my-- oh. Human." He ushers you into his room swiftly.

"You still have the child? When does it leave?" He asked quickly.

"It doesn't," You said bluntly, putting down the freshly bathed and swaddled bundle onto his bed.

"Don't touch----! Ugh.. Besides... What do you mean, 'it doesn't'? It's leaving, I will not have that thing associated with the Zigvolt name just because of some lowly human's stupid mistakes!"

If you weren't so exhausted, you would be shouting at a decibel rivaling his own.

"Sevens, Sebek, it's permanent, no way around it. I can't go back in time and change this-! You were the one reading off the ingredients anyway, how dare you blame this on me?" You challenge.

"Ah-ahh.. Well, why didn't you check yourself?? Do I need to do everything for you!?" He crossed his arms.

"No, but you do need to do your task, and competently!"

That seemed to shut him up.

"W-whatever. I cannot be a proper retainer to--"

"Fine. Then don't raise the baby at all, I'll take care of it. I never said you had to involved."

"...I.. Human, I didn't say that." His tone seems to soften. You know he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders in his mind but you still find it hard to excuse his poor behavior.

He sits down next to the baby, picking it up at arms length.

"It's cute, just a bit. But I pity it.. it has even less faerie blood than me."

"Is that the heart of this?" You question gently, knowing it's a sore subject.

"Yes, I suppose so.."

"Sebek. Your heritage doesn't define you, and it won't define our child. You are an amazing, devoted person, and you've worked hard to be the person you are, and that's really all that matters. You have no reason to be upset, or worried. We can make this work, I promise. And I promise that I'll there to help you get through this. That is, if you're willing to."

He sighs, taking your hand.

"I fear I am diluting my sullied bloodline more than it already is. The Zigvolt family works with the royal family as their right-hand consults and guards. It's been that way for generations. But who would want a fae so adulterated with human genetics by their side?"

"I don't think that's true. If you really think that's the case, then why is Silver allowed to train as a protector as well? Malleus and Lilia are equally respectful of you both. You don't have to give up your family's title and honor just because of this."

He stiffens, a proud smile on his face.

"You are right, human! I shall not let this get the best of me. I will raise my child to be as dutiful as me!"

You laugh, relieved that he's warming up to the idea of having a family.

You kiss him on the forehead, giving him a hug that encompasses the baby in the middle.

"I'll work hard at being a good father, I swear on it."

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-June 30th, 2023

-Kaori

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

Making Humanoids Less Human

I did make a small post on this, but now I've got the art for a much bigger and more detailed post! so here we go.

I had several anonymous asks that all came in quick succession weeks ago. Every single one of them was basically just a variation on "how would you take (typically humanoid) fantasy being, and make them look less human?"

This blog does not exist for me to just give people original designs for free, my goal is to show off my own personal thoughts about fantasy design and help people figure out how to adjust their own designs to fit their vision better. That means when people ask me questions about how to do something, I want to give them things to think about so they can come to their own conclusion. I don't mind making original designs to illustrate concepts, but a whole flood of "show me how to make this specific thing look different" all at once like that was too much. I'm not answering them all individually, it's just not what I want to do.

But what I can do is show my own thoughts and ideas about how to take any fantasy design and push it further away from "human", and you all can look at my ideas and figure out your own way to do things!

So here are the main 4 methods I've come up with to make humanoids look less human.

(image description: a simplified drawing of a humanoid face surrounded by four altered versions of the same face. clockwise starting from the top left, they are:

Speculative, drawn as a cat person. Additive, drawn with horns, pointy ears, sharp teeth, and a second pair of eyes. Subtractive, drawn with blank eyes, no nose, and no eyebrows. Exaggerative, drawn with a long face and huge eyes, as well as a wide mouth, narrow nose, and big ears.

end description)

I am personally a fan of the speculative route, which means exploring an alternate root of evolution to create a new design. Through this method, I've created monkey elves, frog goblins, and pig orcs.

the additive option is the most common, I think. adding new feature or doubled features to a humanoid form is a very intuitive way to change the design and make it look less human. you see this in most fantasy and scifi designs, like star trek aliens and the dnd player races.

subtractive and evaggerative are the most common options for people that like the uncanny valley. it's really easy to make uncomfortable designs by removing or exaggerating recognizable features, and they're often used together. Slenderman, for example, removes all facial features and skin color but also exaggerates the limbs and body.

Combining the four methods will give you a really interesting design as well! So for practice I decided to explore an alternate design for Tieflings, the part-demon player race in dnd.

(image description: four examples of differnt tiefling designs using the previously described methods. the additive example is just offical dnd art of a tiefling woman with purple skin, horns, and a long tail.

the subtractive sketch looks very alien, with a bald head, empty eyes, and no other facial featuers aside from a small mouth. it has three fingers per hand and two toe per foot.

the exaggerative sketch shows a hunched humanoid figure with huge eyes and big ears. the neck, limbs, and digits are all long with claws at the ends of the fingers and toes, and the limbs are also quite muscular.

the speculative sketch shows a bipedal figure with features similar to a giraffe, including a long neck, ossicones, and hooves.

end description)

now, because tielflings have such a distinct look to them, obviously my new sketches don't really look like tieflings, do they? the only one that comes close is the giraffe. relying only on one type of alteration to the human form has left the designs rather empty and lacking in the more iconic traits of the original concept. so i tried a sketch that combined my ideas! it came out looking like a completely different creature lol, like it could be a kobold or something, still not really a tiefling.

(image description: a sketch of a creature with a giraffe-like head, long tongue, and sharp teeth. it appears to be roaring at something and stands in a half-crouch. it has long limbs with hoof feet and clawed hands, as well as a long tufted tail curled behind it. end description.)

didn't work out. too far into the animal side of the speculative evolution, I think. so I tried again and got a design I liked much better!

(image description: a digital painting of a tiefling leaping back and casting a glowing orange spell. she is wearing a tunic with a corset and detached sleeves, as well as several pieces of jewelry. Her skin is purple with dark patches like a giraffe's spots, and she has a giraffe's ossicones as well as hoof-like hands and two-toed hoof feet. Her tail is long with a tuft at the end. She has glowing eyes and a flat nose, and there is a single sharp tooth visible poking out of the side of her mouth. end description.)

Brought the face back into slightly more human proportions and that helped a lot. Sometimes designs just take a few tries! that's normal.

and hopefully this is helpful to all of you! there are so many ways to alter humanoid designs to come up with something original and unique to you!

[thatswhywelovegermany]

Die Roggenmuhme

The Rye Aunt

The Rye Aunt is a female cereal demon and children's fright of German folk tales, who lives in grain fields.

The Rye Aunt wanders up and down in the fields, feeds on the grain and tears out the immature ears. If she is angry with the farmer, she punishes him by drying out his fields. In general, however, the appearance of the Rye Aunt in the fields is a sign of a good harvest. During the harvest, she flees into the last truss. The Rye Aunt receives a share of the harvest, which is either left behind or thrown into the field. This custom is to propitiate the Rye Aunt and bring about a fertile next year.

The Rye Aunt is generally thought to live underground, in the empire of the roots or in a cave.

The Rye Aunt punishes lazy maids, who have not spun off their spinning rocks in the Boxing Week. The breath of the Rye Aunt brings illness and death.

Appearance

The Rye Aunt is often described as completely black or snow-white, and of superhuman size. Her arms are long or made of iron. Her fingers are fiery or iron. It is also said that the Rye Aunt has claws on her hands, which may also be made of iron.

The Rye Aunt has unusually large breasts that are so long that she can fold them over her shoulders. She also has more than two breasts. These can be black, iron, wooden or silver. They are pointed and hard, have glowing iron tips or are fiery. The breasts are filled with tar, poisonous milk or blood.

The Rye Aunt is described as an old womanwith a wrinkled face featuring stinging awns, a crooked nose, and wears glasses. She is sometimes even described as headless or said to have an iron heart.

In addition, she can change her shape, for example into a turtle, a snake, a frog, a wolf, a black cat, a horned animal or a dog with a blanket.

The Rye aunt is often dressed in black, but has also been seen dressed entirely in gray. Her clothes are ragged. Sometimes the Rye Aunt also wears a red skirt, or she wears a red dress and a red cap. Sometimes, she wears blue coat and wide flowing skirts. Often the Rye Aunt wears a white headscarf like a reaper. Sometimes she walks on crutches.

The Rye Aunt is associated with several weather phenomena. When the wind blows through the cornfield, people say that the Rye Aunt moves over the grain. She is also traveling with the whirlwind.

The Rye Aunt appears in particular at midday between 12:00 and 13:00. If she encounters someone in the fields at midday, she kills them or frightens them, casting spells. If she finds women who have recently given birth in bed between 12:00 and 13:00 and between 18:00 and 20:00, she does the field work for them. If she does not find women in childbed at the specified time, a misfortune will happen to the mother and the child.

The Rye Aunt is often seen as a child scare. Her activities as a child-scaring figure are extremely varied.

In their tale no. 90 The Rye Aunt, the Brothers Grimm tell that the Rye Aunt swaps human children with changelings, but brings back the right child if the changeling is not suckled. Elsewhere it is said that she steals illegitimate children at midnight.

The Rye Aunt lies in wait in the field for all those children who want to pick cornflowers in order to scare and punish them. She also lures children into the field by waving her arms. She abducts children by putting them in her big bag or basket, of by taking the children under her wide flowing skirts to bring them to the empire of the roots. She may also pull children to her with an iron fireplace poker and has them guarded by a toad. She leads children astray in the field and lets them starve to death, or she comes with her flock of elves and lays the children on cushions of flowers, whereupon they fall asleep and never wake up again. The Rye Aunt appears as a witch when she casts spells or the Evil Eye on children, She may also appear as a nightmare when she sends evil spirits to disobedient children at night.

Children often have to suck on the breasts of the Rye Aunt. Sometimes, disobedient children get the big breasts beaten around their ears. The Rye Aunt is said to, hug children so tight that they are pressed against her breasts die as a result from suffocation or getting crushed in her embrace. The Rye Aunt also crouches in wolf form, hiding in the grain, and is accompanied by small dogs that lure children into her iron embrace. She is also regarded as the mother of the rye wolves, who eat the children.

The Rye Aunt chases children on horseback or runs as fast as a horse herself. In the latter case, she chases children to death in races. She can also fly and takes children to the sea to drown them there. If she accosts children, they must die.

The Rye Aunt demands that children eat a slice of bread spread with tar. If they do not comply, she cuts off their heads. She also smears children with tar from a bottle or covers their eyes with tar. She also scratches out children's eyes or blows out their eyesight. The Rye Aunt strangles children, twists their necks or cuts off their heads, and also cuts off their necks, noses, ears, or fingers. She also beheads children with a sickle, a knife or a saw. She cuts off the children's legs with a scythe. The Rye Aunt also tears off children's legs.

The Rye Aunt binds children into a bundle with a thread or ties the children to a thread and then beats them up. She pinches children with iron pincers or uses a pinch. She stabs children with pikes, of which she has three, one by the head and one in each hand. The Rye Aunt also stabs children with stalks or drives nails into their heels.

In her hand, the rye maid carries a rod or whip, which is to be regarded as a lightning rod. She also has a sceptre or an iron scourge, which she uses to beat children. She puts children in a nail barrel and rolls them around in it or drags them into a cave and crushes them there with a giant meat grinder. Otherwise, she also crushes children in an iron butter churn.

The Rye Aunt also bites and eats children. To get hold of children, she sets out traps. She slaughters and eats the children or kills and roasts them using her burning breasts and fingers. The Rye Aunt also throws children into a cauldron of hot water or sucks their blood.

All these stories were told children to deter them from wandering through the fields, which posed several dangers, including getting lost and freezing to death at night, encounters with dangerous animals, suffering injuries from farm equipment used on the fields, or merely the destruction of crops and yield loss by walking over the fields.

[valentineforlemonandcherry]

Joke's On You 16

When Fred Weasley carelessly bumps into you into the hallway, you decide to take him a notch down; not by berating him, but by showing him up at his own game of using your charm and intellect to get what you want. And it’s fine if the end result doesn’t leave everyone quite satisfied - in fact, that’s what you want…

[Fred Weasley x Reader.] [Warning: Story Contains Explicit Smut.] [Warning: Non-Consent.] [Warning: Manipulation.] [Warning: Humiliation.]

⍟ Click Here for Joke’s On You Home Page (All Chapter Links) ⍟

The Slytherins came back from holiday to find the most horrendous smell lurking in their common room. The obvious answer, of course, was to simply Vanish the smell. However, the smell was sure to return again over time. Besides, everyone wanted to know what the source was. Was it Goyle’s filthy Quidditch shoes, stewing away in the far corner? Was it Parkinson’s horned toad, who kept leaving a trail of droppings from the entryway to the window? Or had Filch’s dirty mop finally gotten so incredibly filthy that instead of cleaning, it soiled everything it touched?

The Slytherins grudgingly searched the common room, walking around with their noses plugged until they were next to whatever they thought was the source of the scent, then unplugging their nose to sniff it, only to shake their head and hastily plug their nose back up. Finally, fed-up with what he called “servants’ work,” Draco Malfoy cried out in a plugged, warbly voice, “My father will hear about this!” Hundreds of miles away, Lucius felt a sudden crick in his neck. 

At long last, Professor Snape was called in. Imagine his fury when he discovered a well-placed, completely rotten egg under the tile under the foot of the grand piano. He puffed up in anger, with his chest welling up so much that it strained his tightly buttoned-up black robe. He opened his mouth –

At the precise moment that Snape began to let out his breath of rage, over in the Gryffindor common room, Neville’s frog, Trevor, emitted a long, high-pitched whistle that alarmed everyone – and not in the least Fred and George. Because for a split second, Fred and George thought that their mum had followed them all the way to Hogwarts to yell at them again. It would have been good timing too, Fred thought wryly, as he, George, and Lee began to pull all manner of goods out of the secret compartments of their trunks. 

Almost an hour later, Fred finally announced, “That’s everything.”

“Great,” George said. “Let’s sort it all out and write out that order form again.”

Lee nodded over at Fred’s trunk. “What’s that?”

Fred didn’t need to look over to see what Lee was referring to. There was only one item left in his trunk and he’d left it there because it would have hurt his pride to take it out. Nevertheless, the tips of Fred’s ears went red as he muttered, “Nothing. Never mind that.” 

Stuffed in the corner of his trunk lay the heart-covered boxers you’d gotten him for Christmas. 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You were happy to return to classes – most of all, Charms. As you took your usual seat next to Kenneth, you gloated, “Well, well, so you got me in nearly all of our subjects – except this one, huh?” You waggled your finger at him. “You can beat me ten times over in Potions and Arithmancy and what-have-you, but never in Charms.”

Kenneth merely said, “You seem very happy.”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” you replied, as you sat down and began to pull your notes out. As you set your parchment down on the desk, Kenneth frowned.

“What is that?” Kenneth asked, pointing at a rude doodle drawn on the parchment.

You peered down at it. It was a small doodle of a devil cat, clearly enjoying its time as it basked in the flames of hell. You quickly turned the parchment over to hide it – only, scrawled on the back of the parchment were the words, Yours truly, Fredrick Gideon Weasley.  You flushed as you hurriedly put the parchment back into your bag. Kenneth stared at you.

When you turned back around, he said, cautiously, “I wasn’t going to bring this up, but just before break, I happened to be in the Great Hall for breakfast - ”

You couldn’t help but giggle at this, as you pointed out, “You make it sound like that happened against your own will, Kenneth.”

Kenneth turned slightly pink. But he continued, “ - and I saw - well, the whole school saw - Fred Weasley asking you out.”

You suddenly went quiet.

Sensing that he had the advantage, Kenneth pressed, “Is it true?”

“Well, it sounds like you saw it with your own two eyes, so who am I to deny that?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

You began to rummage around in your school bag, looking for a quill or a book or something (anything, really, except that piece of parchment), when Kenneth reached over and grasped your arm to stop you. “Are you really dating Fred Weasley?” 

You met Kenneth’s eyes. Oh, he’s my friend. I can’t lie to him. Besides, I’m not ashamed or anything to be with Fred. In fact, I’m rather proud of it.

“Yes,” you confirmed.

You expected Kenneth to let go of your arm, but he only held on harder as he pressed, “Have you lost your senses? Of all people, Fred Weasley?”

“Yes,” you said stubbornly, now trying to sidle your arm out of Kenneth’s grasp.

Just then, a familiar voice said, rather meanly, “Oi. Let go of her arm.” 

You and Kenneth both looked up to see Fred standing there.  Kenneth slowly let go of your arm.

“Hi, Fred,” you said brightly.

“Hi, hellcat,” Fred responded, though he lifted his eyebrow at you. “Interesting conversation you’re having here, huh?”

Kenneth’s brow furrowed, as he put together the drawing with Fred’s nickname for you.

You replied, “Not really. I was only slandering your name, and Kenneth here was sticking up for your honor.” You reached over and thumped Kenneth heartily in the back.

“Oh, really?” Fred said wryly, his mouth twisting into a rather cruel shape.

“Yes, really,” you stressed. “So, you should move along before McGonagall comes in and starts the term by taking twenty points away from her own house.”

“Fine,” Fred replied. But before he stepped past you and Kenneth, he said, “And it’s none of your business, innit, Towler?”

Kenneth shook his head at you, as if to say, ‘Really? That guy?’

You looked over at Kenneth and nodded, replying wordlessly, Yeah, that guy.

“But you’re a prefect,” Kenneth said, speaking quietly now.

“Yes, I am.”

“How are you going to - ? Isn’t it going to pose a problem? I mean, aren’t you going to let him off the hook now?”

“Oh, no. Absolutely not,” you said earnestly. “I’m going to be more strict with him than ever. In fact, I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that Fred Weasley will be the reason I become Head Girl. I’m going to catch him so many times that it’ll be a new record for how many times a prefect has rounded up a villain.”

“Villain?”

“Fine. Mischief-maker. But you get my point.”

“And he’s not going to be mad at you?”

You snorted. “I damn well hope he is. That stupid Fred Weasley.” 

You buried your head in your book, trying to hide the happy blush that was spreading on your face as you thought of ‘stupid Fred Weasley.’ 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

During lunch, you came over to Fred’s dormitory. Knocking on the door,  you sang out, “Fred! Could you come out here, please? I have something for you.”

Inside, you heard George throw something and then call out, “Oi! Fred! Devil’s knocking on the door, and it’s for you.”

You paused. Then, you knocked on the door again and said, in a very different tone, “Hey, you in there, what did you just call me?”

Just then, the door opened. It was Fred. “Hi, hellcat. Come to see me?”

“Yes,” you said. “Could you please come out here? I want to speak with you.”

Fred started to step out, but as he did, you caught sight of George and Lee sitting on the bed in the room. You pointed at George and said knowingly, “You.”

George ignored you – and Fred had shut the door. Turning to you, Fred immediately meant to grab you and kiss you hello, but as he made to reach for you, you stopped him short by suddenly presenting him with a piece of parchment.

Fred looked down at it. “What’s this?”

You tapped the top of the parchment, where you had neatly titled it: Petition to Fred Gideon Weasley, regarding the use of certain pet names. You explained, “I would like to reserve the names, ‘Freddie’ and ‘Freddie boy’ for cases of cuteness.”

Fred instantly looked disgusted, but he also looked a tad confused. “You wrote an entire letter just for that?”

“That’s right. It’s my petition to you, my boyfriend,” you said softly. Reaching out, you gently stroked Fred’s tie. “I miss my pet names for you.”

Fred snorted. “You can call me pet names, just – just something more fitting.”

You cocked your head at him. “Like what?”

“Like…” Fred thought about it for a moment. Then, his eyes brightened, and he suggested proudly, “Like ‘Sir.’”

You blinked. “Sir?” you repeated.

Fred smirked slyly at you. “That’s right.”

“Oh…” Your brow furrowed – and then you burst into laughter. “Ha, ha, ha!” You keeled over and laughed merrily, and you accidentally forced Fred into a bow, as you were still holding onto his tie.

“Oi, you’re – you’re choking me,” Fred groaned.

“Oh! Sorry!” You let go of his tie, but you kept laughing into your hands.

“What?” Fred said defensively. “What’s so funny about that?”

You wiped tears from your eyes and waved him away, chortling, “Anyways, Fred, have a serious thought about the original petition, please.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The class after lunch was Potions. When Professor Snape stormed into the dungeon, everyone immediately fell quiet. At once, he barked out, “Weasley!”

Fred and George chorused together, “Yes?”

“On your feet!”

Fred stood up. Meanwhile, George remained sitting.

Snape glared at George. “I said, on your feet!”

“Oh, I thought you meant him. Sorry.” George stood up, and Fred sat down.

“No, both of you, on your feet!”

About half of the class giggled as George then (completely unnecessarily) sat back down before he and Fred stood up together.

“A regular ol’ circus act,” Lee murmured appreciatively.

“Stupid,” Kenneth muttered under his breath. “They’re only making Snape angrier.”

“I shall give you one chance for repentance before I report you to the Head of your House,” Snape said thinly. “Which of you disrespectful dunderheads decided it was a good idea to hide a rotting egg  under a tile under the piano in the Slytherin common room?”

Your eyes flashed. Oh Merlin, I completely forgot about that.

“Neither of us, sir,” Fred said confidently.

“Is that so?” Snape sneered, clearly not believing Fred.

“Yep,” Fred replied. His eyes twinkled merrily, as if he was secretly dying with laughter inside.

George chirped up, “Cross my heart and hope to die, Professor.”

Your cheeks slowly turned red, as you realized both Fred and George were teasing you, though both of them were pros and didn’t so much as throw you a wink.

David mused, “I thought only first year girls used phrases like that.”

Your cheeks brightened even further. “Some – Some older students might use that phrase, too,” you murmured defensively.

Snape ground his teeth in frustration. “I have tried to give you a chance for repentance - ”

“With all due respect, Professor, I did all my repentance on New Year’s. I had an angel come by and lead me through the whole she-bang,” Fred said, in a mockingly innocent tone. “So I reckon I’m clean as a sheet - ”

Snape blew up. “Enough! Enough! I shall – I shall see to your punishment after class. Sit down. Now.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

When class ended, you dawdled near your desk.  Meanwhile, Fred and George dutifully came up to Snape’s desk.

“Are you aware of how long it took Mr. Filch and myself to discover where the horrendous smell was coming from?” Snape seethed.

“No,” George said. “To be honest, we’re not at all sure of what you’re talking about, Professor. Could you maybe explain to us -?”

Slam. Snape brought his book down on his desk. He grasped the edges of his desk and leaned over it to peer unpleasantly into Fred and George’s faces. “The two of you will never have another moment out of detention again. I shall assign to you six months’ worth of - ”

“Oh, no!” you cried out, as you dropped an ink bottle. It smashed and went all over the floor. Distressed, you sat down and began to wipe at the ink with your sleeve.

Snape berated you, “Idiot girl! Did you forget you’re magical? Move aside.”

You shifted out of the way and Snape waved his wand. The ink cleared up at once.

“Sorry, Professor,” you said earnestly. “I was only looking for my quill and ink because I had some questions to ask you about the Draught of Living Death. You were saying something about its alchemic properties and I didn’t understand - ”

Snape closed his eyes for a moment, trying to contain his fury. Finally, he said, “Read the textbook, then. I will not spend my time entertaining the most basic of questions. And, Mr. Weasley - ”

“Yes?” Fred and George chorused together again.

“Out. Get out. But be warned, if I ever catch you pulling such a prank again - ”

“Professor, we’d never - ”

“ – Honestly - ”

“- We don’t even know - ”

“ – what this is all about - ”

“ – But good day, Professor - ”

“ – Take care - ”

“- And happy New Year’s!”

The twins had been slowly tripping backwards towards the door and when they let out their cheerful New Year’s greetings, they slipped out of the room.

Meanwhile, you had finished stuffing your quill back into your bag and you high-tailed out of there as well.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You spent the evening with your friends, coming up with study plans for the term. Afterwards, as you made your way back up to your prefect’s room, out from a secret passageway, a tall, ginger-haired boy suddenly appeared and wrapped his long arms around you.

“Well, well,” Fred whispered teasingly in your ear. “Look who’s become a little rogue. I always knew I’d bring you over to my side.”

You scoffed. “As if. I simply thought it was unfair that Snape was trying to punish you when he had no evidence that you actually committed the deed.”

“Mhm,” Fred agreed, squeezing you in his arms and nudging the top of your head with his chin to make you squirm, “especially because if he followed the trail all the way through, he’d find you  holding the end of the rope, right?”

“No.”

“Who was the one that asked for the egg to be hidden under a tile under the piano?” Fred reached down and grasped your chin with his hand and made you turn your head to look up at him. “Who was it, hm?”

You yanked your head away and said lightly, “I have no idea.”

“No?”

“No. Truly haven’t the foggiest.”

“Maybe because you were drunk off of Firewhiskey that night,” Fred said, grinning now. “And you’d taken a bucket to the head - ”

You reached up and pushed your hand against Fred’s lips. “Shush, you.”

Fred shook his head, shaking your hand off of his mouth. “Drop any more fireworks, lately?”

You scowled. “You keep this up and I’ll drop you.”

Fred grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to him. “You could never,” he said knowingly. “You couldn’t live without me, your boyfriend.”

You eyed him skeptically. “You’re being disgusting, Fred.”

“Am not.” Fred proceeded to make all sorts of kissy faces at you, clearly making fun of you.

You took the opportunity to stomp hard on his foot.

“Ow!” Fred yelled. He hurriedly stepped back.

Slinging your school bag coolly over your shoulder and walking away, you waved your fingers in the air and called, “Come find me when you’re done being a moron.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Fred did come and visit you, in your prefect’s room, later that night.

When he walked in, he was grinning to himself and he was dusting his hands off of something…

You hesitated. “What were up to, Fred?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing,” Fred said easily. “Just testing the properties of permanent ink.”

You blinked. “Why in the world would you need to test for that? Isn’t the main property in the name?”

“Of course, silly, but how permanent is ‘standard permanent’?” Fred explained. “And would it be possible to create, let’s say, an ink that is permanent unless removed by a very particular, even singular, singular erasing liquid?”

“Well, of course it’s possible."

Fred gave you a doubtful look.

You reeled off impressively, “You’d have to find a type of ink that wasn’t based on whatever regular ink is based on. Then, in terms of creating a singular erasing liquid, it would essentially come down to an application of Golpalott’s Third Law for antidotes. In other words, the erasing compound wouldn’t ever be a simple one-to-one ratio or the simple sums of the ratios present in the permanent ink. Something alchemic would need to happen to create a true antidote – or, in this case, a true and singular erasing ointment.”

Fred clapped his hands together. “Brilliant! That’s how we can create an ink where only the prankster can erase the ink. That’s mighty helpful. Thanks, love.”

You paused. “Wait, what? That was why you asked me that?”

“I didn’t ask you, technically speaking,” Fred pointed out. “I was merely speaking aloud an observational question. It was you that couldn’t pass up the opportunity to show off and be little-miss-know-it-all.”

Your jaw dropped open. He pretended to look foolish on purpose, just to egg me on!

Fred waggled his finger at you. “Humility, love, you’ve got to learn it someday. You’re just too full of yourself.”

“Me?!” you said indignantly. “I was merely sharing my knowledge with you, hoping to educate your stupid little brain. It’s not my fault all you can think about is pranks - ”

“ – and pussy,” Fred finished for you. He pranced over to you and grabbed your face in his hand. Leaning towards you, he made a kissy face and said, in an overly playful voice, “And it looks like I’ve got both of those sorted out right here.” He squeezed your cheeks in his hand and leaned in to peck your nose.  

You went bright red. “Fred!”

Fred chuckled merrily. He let go of your face, but he shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned towards you as he said, rather brightly and boyishly, “Wow, this is what flusters you? Look at you, red as a tomato. Of all the embarrassing shit you pull, the fact that you helped me develop a product is what sinks you?”

Your mouth turned into a very thin line, and you made to turn away from Fred. But he grabbed you and pulled you into his arms.

Fred’s breath tickled you as he murmured teasingly into your ear. “Where d’you think you’re going, huh? You’re in your own room. There’s nowhere to go to.”

You quickly batted him away.

Fred laughed and let you go. He then started to flop over onto your bed, but you made him wash his hands first.

You paused, however, when you heard your shower start up. Ten minutes later, Fred walked out, wearing nothing but one of your fluffy pink towels. You stared at him.

Fred smiled as he ran another towel – a lavender one – through his hair. “Like what you see, mistress?”

You cleared your throat. You did, in fact, like what you were seeing. Except his chest is too clean-looking. It doesn’t have the kiss marks that it should have… from me.

You shook your head, trying to clear your mind of such wanting thoughts. Then, standing up, you pointed to your bed. “Have a seat, Fred.”

Fred snorted. “What is this, a business meeting?”

“Yes.” You brought your notebook over to the bed and plopped down with it. You pointed to your notebook. “Listen here. I’m going to offer you a little deal. You’d be a fool not to take it, I think, but well – it’s your life and I don’t like forcing anyone into anything, so…”

Fred glanced down at your notebook. “What the hell is that supposed to be? A rune?”

“No.” You pushed the notebook towards him. “Have you ever heard of the game ‘tic tac toe’?”

Fred shook his head.

“Well, it’s easy enough. The goal is to get three in a row,” you explained. “But here’s what I propose: Every time you and George pull one of your stupid pranks and you don’t get caught, you get a turn. But every time I help a professor catch you, then I get a turn. Except if it’s Snape, Filch, or Umbridge, of course. I won’t help them catch you – unless I’m really annoyed with you, that is.”

“Why’s that?” Fred asked, curious.

“Because Snape, Filch, and Umbridge aren’t fair with their punishments,” you explained succinctly. “But the other professors are – and you do deserve to be punished. You, George, and Lee are absolutely awful students. And from the sounds of it, the three of you are developing and selling a lot of stupid things - ”

“ - Our products aren’t stupid, they’re brilliant - ”

“And I’m not going to allow that, much less facilitate that.” You gave him a stern look. “Do I make myself clear?”

Fred rolled his eyes. Reaching out, he brushed the notebook away. “Or, how about you just help me get out of every punishment ever?” He leaned back onto your bed. At the same time, he reached over and grabbed you by your waist and pulled you on top of him.

“No,”  you emphasized, hitting his chest lightly with your hands. “Can’t let you do that, Fred.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a prefect and that means something to me,” you said. “Besides, I promised Kenneth I would continue to be a good prefect.”

Fred frowned. “You promised Kenneth?”

“Yeah, Kenneth – you know, top of our class, fellow prefect, and my study friend. That Kenneth.” You pretended as if you hadn’t mentioned Kenneth on purpose and as if you were describing him only to help Fred remember who he was, but Fred caught the mean glimmer in your eye.

Fred growled. “You tease.” He suddenly gripped your wrists in his hands quite tightly. “You’re just dangling him in front of me, aren’t you, to get me all riled up?”

You laughed softly. “Maybe,” you admitted. Looking down at your hands, caught in his, you said pleasantly, “I think it’s working, don’t you?” You then nodded down at the pink towel that Fred was still wearing. “By the way, pink looks quite nice on you.”

Fred groaned. He dropped your hands and then, pushing you off of him, he rolled over and buried his face in your pillow.

You grabbed the notebook and followed him, nudging his shoulder repeatedly. “Fred? Fred? C’mon, won’t you play the game with me?”

“No,” Fred said emphatically.

“But you haven’t even heard what the prize is,” you pointed out.

“Don’t care,” Fred said shortly.

“Do you know what it is?” you pressed.

Fred was quiet for a moment.

He’s going to ask, you thought confidently. He won’t be able to stand the idea of missing out. He’s going to ask me… any second now –

“All right. What the hell’s the prize?”

You grinned. Rolling over so that you fell into his lap, you looked up at him and whispered lovingly, “Anything you want.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

“Professor McGonagall!” you shouted fiercely. “There they are!” 

Fred, George, and Lee, who were all gathered around the entrance of the Slytherin common room, wheeled around. Spotting you, Fred cursed.

Dropping the net they had been installing over the Slytherin common room entrance, all three of them ran for it.

“Iterdum!” You performed a Trip Jinx, pointing your wand at none other than Fred – and it caught him.

With a shout, Fred went sprawling onto the ground. However, just before McGonagall caught up to you, two pairs of hands reached out from behind the adjacent hallway and dragged Fred along the ground and out of sight.

Huffing and puffing, McGonagall appeared behind you. Her hat was lopsided. “Where are they?”

Glumly, you said, “They left.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

“First move goes to Fred!” Fred crowed gleefully as he placed an X right at the center of your little tic-tac-toe board.

You crossed your arms over your chest. “It shouldn’t count. You were dragged out like a dying seal.”

“Doesn’t matter how it happened,” Fred countered. He fell back onto your bed. Running his hand through his hair, he mused, “Now, let’s see, what shall I have you do when I win?”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” you said, still annoyed.

Fred looked over at you and shot you an easy grin. “Sour grapes already? Boy, are you a sore loser.”

“I’m not sore and I’m not a loser,” you fired back. “I just don’t see what the point of you running your stupid little brain is, when I’m going to win anyways.”

“It’s just part of the fun, innit?” Fred said, now grinning even more cheekily at you. “I can imagine you however I like…” He closed his eyes. Imagining you, he moaned softly.

You scoffed.

Fred smirked. Without opening his eyes, he murmured, “Good girl, you know what I want already, even without me telling you.” 

“No,” you said stoutly. “Rather, I know how simple-minded you are, and how crass, and how - ”

While you were speaking, you had slowly wandered over to the bed and were now standing at the edge of the bed. Fred, still keeping his eyes closed, suddenly lifted one leg and tripped you. You fell right onto the bed, with a surprised shriek.

Fred grabbed you by the shoulders, and pushed you back onto the bed. He kissed you hungrily, making your lips part with his own and swallowing your fevered gasp. His hands roamed all over your body at once, making you go all soft and flushed for him.

“F-Fred…” you moaned softly, almost whining as he bit your lower lip and tugged playfully.

“I bet your plans for me are just as crass,” Fred whispered accusingly. “So, who are you to go calling me simple-minded and all that? Huh?”

“Well, but it’s true – mmm…” You felt Fred’s mouth push roughly against yours again, and his hands slipped under your shirt. His hands warmed up your tummy quickly and then, Fred groped your breasts adoringly, if not a little impatiently. Meanwhile, you had your hands wrapped around his slender neck and while you weren’t choking him, you reveled in being able to keep your hands there, slotted against his neck, keeping him warm while being able to hold onto him.

The two of you became lost in kissing each other for a long moment.

However, when Fred pulled away to catch his breath, you managed to whisper, “I’ve given it a lot of thought, Fred. If I win, I’m going to make you…”

“What?” Fred asked breathlessly.

“…Study.”

“What?” The romantic, heated atmosphere broke entirely as Fred sat up indignantly. “You’re going to make me what?”

Your lips, now flushed pink from kissing Fred, spread into a wicked little smile. You remained lying down, but your eyes slipped down and you gazed at Fred through half-lidded eyes as you whispered, seductively (and sardonically), “Study, Fred.”

Fred scoffed. “You’ve got to be joking.”

“Mm,” you agreed lightly. You shifted over so that you could slip your head into his lap.

Fred only scowled at you.

“Fred,” you whispered, staring up at his ugly, immature expression in secret joy.

Fred ignored you.

Your heart skipped a beat. “Fred…”

Still nothing.

“I said I wasn’t sore yet…” Staring up into his eyes and slowly reaching out to pull at the end of his tie, you asked him in a gentle and honest voice, “I have to go and patrol the halls in an hour. Before then – could you maybe make me sore?”

Fwump.

You half-gasped and half-giggled as Fred roughly threw you over onto the bed and leaned over you.

“For Merlin’s sake, will you ever put me down nicely?”

“Shut up,” Fred growled, as he went to unzip his pants at once.

“Mm, nice growl, puppy,” you cooed. “And come closer, I want to rip off all your buttons.” You reached up and flexed your hands and grinned up at him.

Fred muttered, “Hellcat,” but he did as you asked, leaning down a little so that you could have your fill of happiness.

As you ripped off his tie, which was in the way, you remarked, “Fred, you’ve tied your tie all wrong.”

“I’ve tied it this way all my life.”

“Well, it’s wrong. Why didn’t you listen to your mum when she taught you?”

Fred grumbled, “How did you know my mum taught me?”

“Of course she did,” you said knowingly. “Your mum is wonderful, Fred. It’s you who’s the problem.”

Fred rolled his eyes as you made short work of his tie and shirt, throwing them off merrily across the room, and then you reveled in the sweet happiness of sinking your nails into his handsome chest.

Fred watched you merrily marking up his chest with kisses, bites, and scratches. As you let out little purrs and happy growls, he shook his head and murmured, “Seriously so weird.”

However, as you sucked at Fred’s chest, you were slowly undressing yourself – until your shirt fell open, revealing your shape and your cute little bra, a pretty lavender thing that pushed up your breasts just enough that you knew it would drive Fred crazy.

Sure enough, Fred changed his tune quite quickly. His eyes widened and he said hurriedly, “But fuck, it’s fine, baby, when you look like that…”

Fred made to touch you, clearly meaning to rip off your bra so that he could ravish your breasts. But you caught his hand in yours. Looking up at him, you whispered, “No. No touch.”

Fred made a face. “Again?”

“Well…” You slowly brought Fred’s hand to your lips. “I get to touch you first.” You opened your mouth just enough to let his finger slip into your mouth. Then, you sucked. “Mmpfh…”

Fred let out a breath. He swore that you had the prettiest eyes, and when you were looking up at him like that, with his finger in your mouth, in between your soft, pink lips… His own  mouth fell open slightly and he watched you rather dumbly.   

You smirked slightly. Speechless already?

As you sucked on his finger, you gave him your orders, only you masked them as soft and sweet requests. You whispered lowly, “Be a good boy and slowly reach into your pants. Now, stroke yourself. Make yourself nice and hard for me. Yes, for me.” Your voice accidentally slipped into a more aggressive tone towards the end, as you felt yourself getting quite excited.

Fred, whose eyes had slipped shut as he slowly pleasured himself to the sound of your voice, paused. He blinked.

You distracted him quickly, sucking on his finger once again and whispering softly, “Mm… Yes, like that… Get yourself allready for me. Show me how much you want me.”

Now panting slightly, Fred gripped his cock and pumped up and down quickly, getting himself all hard for you. His cute face was starting to get all red.

You held back a giggle as put on your softest voice, to ask him, “Tell me the truth: Are you thinking of me?”

Fred nodded – but it was a casual, brief nod.

“You are? You’re thinking of me?”

Fred nodded again – too quickly for your taste.

“And nothing but me?” you pressed.

Fred groaned, as he pumped his cock in his hand, but he nodded again, and more earnestly this time.

“Yeah?” you said, slowly and subtly encouraging him. “Are you picturing how you’re going to take me? How you’re going to make love to me? How you’re going to fuck me until you make me yours?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Fred huffed out, now fisting his cock furiously. “Gonna fuck you so hard, baby. You’re gonna be mine.” His voice became a deep growl on the last word.

“Mmm. And you’re going to cum in me, aren’t you?”

“Yes baby, I’m gonna cum hard in your pussy,” Fred moaned, now nodding non-stop.

“Okay,” you whispered softly. “I’d say you deserve some pussy now. Yes?”

“Yes,” Fred stressed, impatient. He opened his eyes and stared at you hungrily, his pupils blown wide with lust. He croaked out, “Now. Please.”

You smiled. “All right.” You slowly stripped your skirt off. As you did, you murmured, “Fred, you’re so gorgeous. Did you know that? I think you’re so handsome when you’re all flushed for me.”

“You do…?” Fred whispered, and his voice was hoarse. He watched you as you tossed your skirt to the side.

“Of course,” you said soothingly. Next, you slipped your fingers under the tiny slips of fabric lying over your hips and began to shimmy your panties down, little by little, until you revealed that you were wearing your little heart butt plug for him again.

Fred moaned audibly when he saw your little plug.

You lifted your legs a little, to show it off, and as you did, you whispered tellingly, “Oh, and Fred? I was wearing this all day today. Do you know why?”

Fred stared at your cute little ass and plug. Rather foolishly, he blurted out, “No.”

“Because I missed you,” you confessed. “As soon as I came back, I put my plug in, because it means that I’m… yours.”

“You’re mine? That’s what it means?” Fred reached out and pressed his finger against the plug.

“Ah…” You breathed out softly. “Yes, Fred…”

“Fuck,” Fred muttered, “that’s cute as hell.”  

You let one of your hands fall on top of his knee and you gently stroked his knee as you murmured, in a sweet, low voice, “Now, come here.” As you spoke, you opened up your legs, to make room for Fred. The heart-shaped nestled between in your pert ass glittered in the light as you pushed your thighs apart.

Fred kept staring at that little heart, until his mouth fell open.

Godric, he looks like such an idiot, you thought lovingly. Oh, Fred. You tapped on his knee again, to wake him up. “What are you doing? Come be with me.”

Fred shuffled forward on his knees. You nearly laughed out loud at how awkward he looked. He almost looks shy, you thought, and you felt so very fond of this sweet, naïve version of Fred.

However, when Fred was closer, he had no hesitation whatsoever in spreading his large, warm hands on your thighs and pinning them down immediately against the bed. Your breath escaped you as you suddenly felt yourself being held down against the bed.

Ah, traitor, you thought in your head, he always does this. He looks all pathetic and pitiful, and then as soon as he’s close enough to take control, he suddenly does his damned best to do so.

With your thighs so obviously split open by Fred, now your pussy was there for Fred to see – already glistening and all pink and – and – You felt embarrassed for a split second and nearly covered yourself with your hands. But you caught yourself and whispered in your head, Don’t get carried away now.

Sure enough, Fred said knowingly, “Well, look at that. Wet already? You little slut. You did miss me.”

You scowled slightly.

Fred smirked. “And here you were, making me think that I needed you more than you needed me, and that your little ‘plug’ speech was just so you could use me to get yours.”

You muttered, “Who said anything about needing anyone? Now, get on with it.”

“Godric, look at you, getting all shy.” Fred was fully teasing you now.

You glared at Fred, and he grinned back. He said cheekily, “You nearly got me, love. Nearly. But now I know. You weren’t just luring me in and playing me like a chump. No, you meant every word of what you said, didn’t you? I mean – look at you, laid out in bed like this, dressed up in some fancy new lingerie, (Fred tugged at the strap of your bra, and you indignantly pushed his hand away) wearing your cute little heart plug (Fred pressed it again, making you suddenly moan rather too softly for your taste), and with your pussy all wet for me (Fred touched you between your legs, pressing his fingers right up against your pussy, and you hurriedly grabbed his hand and stared up at him with desperate, wanting eyes). Merlin, you need me. That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? Telling me that you need me bad.”  

A wicked glint appeared in your eye. However, you pretended to relent. “Sure, Fred. I’m wet for you. I told you, you look so handsome. I can’t help myself – when you’re in bed with me, I get all wet.”

Fred suddenly sat up a little taller, with his shoulders back and his chest puffed out slightly.

Oh, look at him, all proud of himself, you snickered in your head. He’s so cute. You reached down and gently grasped his cock in your hand. It’s like he doesn’t remember what a whiny little puppy he becomes as soon as he’s inside me. Well, I can remind him of that.

Fred hissed slightly, as you let your hand run up and down his length. Slowly, you guided Fred’s cock to your pussy and slid the tip of his cock up and down against your wet slit. “‘I’m a complete, heartbroken slut for you. Is that what you want to hear?” You grasped his cock harder and jerked your hand up and down as you whispered rapidly – “Sir?”

“Fuck,” Fred moaned, and his hands slid up your thighs and onto your waist and he squeezed your waist, making you suddenly huff.

“Fuck,” Fred repeated. “Call me that again, baby. And hold still – ‘cause I’m - ” His voice gave out, and he huffed heavily as he suddenly felt all worked up over hearing you confess how much you wanted him and hearing you call him ‘sir.’

You nearly slipped and gave into your desire in that moment, which was to push Fred’s cock inside of you as fast as you could, because Merlin knew that that was what you wanted. You were a slut for him. But you made yourself stop, with Fred’s cock barely pressed to your pussyhole, and you murmured quietly, “But you ought to know one thing, sir -”

“W-What’s that?” Fred panted out.

You toyed with Fred’s cock, rubbing it against your pussyhole gently, but never letting him slip inside. “No matter how much I need you, you’re always going to need me more.”

“Well, I don’t know ‘bout that,” Fred protested, even as he squirmed with how badly he wanted to be inside you now. “I’d like to – baby, please, just put it in – to think we’re even.”

“Even?” You slowly shook your head up at him. “No, we’re not even.”

“Damn it, are you trying to be mean again?” Fred huffed out, with his hands in fists now as you kept dragging the tip of his cock up and down your pussyhole, without actually taking him in.

“I’m never mean.”

“You are, and if you can’t see it – baby, for fuck’s sake, take me in – if you – uhn – if you can’t see it, it’s only because it’s your default.”

“No,” you corrected him, speaking softly. “If you think I’m mean, it’s only because you’re being stupid, Fred.”

“I’m not stupid,” Fred said at once, sounding almost sullen.

“Well, then, willfully ignorant, which is worse,” you said flippantly. “But I’ll show you.”

“Show me what?” Fred said, now getting quite annoyed with you.

You stroked Fred’s cock in your hand again, as you answered, “How badly you need me.”

Fred groaned. Your hand felt so good wrapped around his cock, but he knew that your pussy would feel even better. Merlin, why isn’t she taking me in? I need to be inside her. Just look at her little pussy, all wet and waiting. Fuck, please!

“Just – Just – Can’t we do that some other time?” Fred huffed, trying desperately to swallow down his impatience.

However, you added fuel to the fire by looking up at him and innocently shaking your head. “Can’t, Fred,” you replied matter-of-factly. “Now’s the only convenient time. See, unlike you, I have real tasks to attend to after I play with you. I’ve got to go study, for one, and then I have prefect duties, and then I have to fold my laundry – and I like to line up all my socks before I roll them up all daintily with my hands - ”

Fred growled, “Listen here, you – you demon - ” But just then, you pushed in simply the tip of his cock inside of you.

Mmm, you moaned in your head.

Fred let out a soft whimper and he shook his head, completely disarmed by how good you felt squeezing around his cock, even if it was just the tip.

“Uhn…” Fred breathed out. “Mmm, yeah. Now deeper, baby, c’mon.”

“Fred, say you need me,” you whispered enticingly. “And mean it.”

Fred let out a pained groan. “S-Stop teasing me.”

But you shifted upwards, and you let the tip of Fred’s cock slip out of your pussy.

Fred groaned. “Baby, where are you going? C’mon, please - ”

You shook your head up at him. “First, admit how much you need me - ”

“All right, fine, I need you , I really fucking need you,” he suddenly reeled out. “C’mon – fuck – stop teasing me.”

You checked your grin as you replied, in a voice as light and soft as feathers, and in a tone that seemed so regretful, “Oh, Fred, you were so close, but you just weren’t sincere enough - ”

“Bloody hell!” Fred cursed at you. “What’s your prob - ?”

You put your finger up to his mouth, cutting him off. “Shush, no cursing.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Fred was nearly shaking all over, and his cock was so hard, it was almost painful.

You pretended not to notice as you sighed and said, in a disappointed voice, “Can’t pay attention, I see. Can’t even give his girlfriend ten seconds of his focus.”

“I swear to God - ” Fred growled, but you only smushed your hand against his mouth again, and more definitely this time.

“Dwevil,” Fred protested, against you and your hand.

“Fine. I’ll make my point another way.” You locked eyes with Fred and smiled pleasantly at him. "I was going to let you have me for as long as you wanted tonight, but I changed my mind." Then, you announced, in a voice that promised pleasure that was to die for, “I’m going to make you cum in three minutes, Fred Weasley."

[stickyfrogs]

This week the Stickyfrogs have a frog-sitter because the Warm Tree has travelled to a Very Exciting Event! Here is a Most Glorious Friend to help you guess where we are!

[diazsdimples]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday!

Wasn't initially going to do this cause I'm up north with my husband while he gets surgery but then I decided fuck him! He'll survive without me for a second. (for legal reasons, I am joking)

This is another Musican AU snippet, set just before the last snippet and is just before their first kiss

Tagged by @thewolvesof1998 @hippolotamus thanks friends!

It's just as Eddie checks his watch, realising the time, that Buck suggests something. He’s holding his cello out in front of him by the neck, letting it twirl around on it’s spike like some kind of wooden ballerina and his eyes suddenly light up. Eddie can almost see the lightbulb flicker on in his brain.

“Hey, do you wanna try playing it? I can teach you?”

Eddie looks at it cautiously. “Are you sure? I won’t break it?”

Buck waves a hand dismissively. “Nah, they’re sturdy. Go on, I’ll show you what to do.”

Eddie sets his horn down and apprehensively takes the cello from Buck. It feels weird, too big and clunky for his liking. Buck gets up from his chair and kneels in front of Eddie.

“Spike’s too long for you” he mumbles as he fiddles with a knob at the base of the cello. Suddenly the instrument is shooting downwards and Eddie clamps his legs together to stop it from hitting the ground. “Ah, much better” Buck says, and he tightens the knob. The cello slots comfortably between Eddie’s legs and he lets the body rest against his chest, the scroll and tuning pegs lightly brushing his ear.

Buck hands him the bow and Eddie awkwardly closes his fist around it. It doesn’t look right, and Eddie knows he’s not holding it properly but he’s got no clue what else to do.

Buck lets out a small chuckle as he glances at Eddie’s grip and he moves again so he’s standing behind Eddie, leaning over his shoulder. “Here, let me”.

Suddenly, Buck’s hand is enveloping Eddie’s and he’s tugging at Eddie’s fingers, moving them into position. His hand is warm and firm as he guides Eddie’s fingers into the correct position. Eddie’s thumb is now tucked between the hair of the bow and the wood and his other fingers are curled around what he now knows is called the frog. Buck smooths Eddie’s fingers down so he’s not gripping the bow so hard.

“You gotta let it balance between your thumb, pointer and middle fingers. The others are just for support” he says and Eddie can feel the rumble of his chest against his back as he talks.

Eddie swallows thickly. “I think I’ve got it” he croaks but Buck doesn’t remove his hand. Instead, he directs Eddie to bring the bow against the strings, reaching around behind Eddie to curl his left hand around the finger board. With gentle precision, Buck guides Eddie to draw the bow along the bottom string. A low, haunting note is drawn forth from the cello and Eddie shivers. Buck presses his finger down on the string and the note changes. It’s like a throb in Eddie’s chest, humming through his body and making him feel like his veins are full of warm honey. He can feel Buck’s breath against his neck as he continues to guide Eddie’s hand, both his arms effectively wrapped around Eddie. It’s one of the most intimate things that’s ever happened in Eddie’s life. Buck’s so close to him that he can smell his cologne. It’s musky and woody, reminding Eddie of a forest.

Buck’s lips brush delicately against the shell of Eddie’s ear as he whispers, “you’re a natural”. Eddie lets out a shaky laugh and he lets his hand slip from Buck’s grip, transferring the bow into Buck’s hand.

“I’ve got an excellent teacher” Eddie breathes. He twists around in the seat, vaguely noticing the way Buck’s nose brushes through his hair as he turns, and he faces Buck. His chin is tilted upwards so he can look into Buck’s eyes, and he sees that Buck’s pupils are blown wide, giving his eyes a dark, almost hungry look to them. Buck very gently reaches around Eddie and guides the cello to the ground, placing the bow on its side and Eddie never takes his eyes off Buck, maintaining eye contact the whole time. Buck straightens up and rests his hands on the back of Eddie’s chair. His knuckles brush Eddie’s shoulders and Eddie shivers once again.

“Maybe I need to come over and give you another lesson sometime” Buck’s voice is husky and his eyes flicker to Eddie’s lips and back up again, so fast that Eddie would have missed it if he wasn’t drinking in Buck’s facial expressions.

“I-I’d like that” Eddie’s voice is quiet, and he watches as Buck begins to lean forward, closing the distance between their heads. He can feel Buck’s breath ghosting across his face and he closes his eyes briefly, letting his head fall forward until he feels Buck’s forehead against his.

(no pressure) tagging @theotherbuckley @smilingbuckley @fruitandbubbles @eddiebabygirldiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @monsterrae1 @housewifebuck @disasterbuckdiaz @watchyourbuck @fionaswhvre @evanbegins @malewifediaz @callmenewbie @cal-daisies-and-briars @spagheddiediaz @incorrect9-1-1 @wildlife4life @daffi-990 @wikiangela @loserdiaz

[pilot-boi]

Au idea: Chimera Faunus Jaune. So many animal traits. Chameleon eyes, Bat ears, Elephant nose, Shark fangs, Frog tongue, Crocodile scales, Swordfish dorsal fin, Oryx horns, Tiger claws, Falcon wings, Chameleon color shifting, Spider spinnerets, Scorpion tail, Cheetah feet, Grasshopper legs, Porcupine quills, Turtle shell, Mantis Shrimp pincers, Platypus ankle barbs, Narwhal horn,

He’d just be a pile of flesh at that point

A FMAB style chimera where they’re a horrid abomination that longs for death

[saltminerising]

Possible unique traits they could add to ancients to make them at least marginally more interesting, GO!

Tusks, elephant trunks, glowy markings like seawings from WOF, beards, molelike nose whiskers, hippo :3 mouths, long tongues, crab pincers, frog legs, massive curved ram horns, seal-like flippers and tails, extra wings like spirals, bony/spiny protrusions, shells, bird beaks and duck bills, single eye instead of multiple, prehensile tails, ankylosaur club tails, scorpion stings instead of/along side their tails, pterodactyl arm wings, chonky tsuchinoko shaped bodies, give them front arms but no back legs like a lindwurm, seahorse dragon?? only fins and no wings or legs, big t-rex looking dragon that has a massive head and short arms, a filter feeding sky whale shaped beast, unique shaped scales, more texture please!

Like you can literally google “types of dragons” and get all sorts of unique designs that come from mythology, pop culture, or are just stuff people design for fun! And there’s also so much inspiration from nature you can take! Animals are so weird and cool!

I also don’t get the people who whine that changing too much will make it “not look like a dragon” as if most of flight rising’s dragons look like traditional generic western dragons to begin with. Dragons aren’t real, have some fun with it!

PLEASE share more ideas in the comments because I love the possibilities of unique dragons!!

🌱

[the-irken-pony]

Saw reblogged posts encouraging people to send asks sooo What's your favorite frog species?

We took a frog and made it like one of those badass game controllers: Glass Frog

Yes they’re actually see through! Half the images you find of them shows off the fact that you can see their innards

Most photos I could find were either that or showing them in a more natural habitat so I tried to find a photo that shows off both.

Some of them have yellow spots instead of black ones

Lots of them have cool patterns in their eyes

Oh shit this thing has other colors: Red-eyed tree frog

Basically 90% of the rainbow is on this thing

Art bitches WISH their color theory skills were this good

Self sona is based on this species!

I think this one’s actually just straight up an alien: Amazon milk frog

Also known as the mission gold-eyed tree frog

Certified freak (affectionate)

Secretes MILK when threatened by predators (the milk is poison don’t drink it)

A blue blood but not in the aristocratic sense, a blue blood in the sense that its blood is blue (as well as its muscles and mouth)

Somehow cooler looking than the name suggests: Fire-bellied toad

Black spots really sell the fire motif on this one

Half lava half green lava

Someone made a bet that you couldn’t make a cool design using orange and green as the main colors and lost horribly

This one’s a toad, as the name suggests

Are you sure that’s not a bird: Long-nosed horned frog

Him so pointyyyyy

Kinda like if you made a frog based on a korok

Most dignified leaf you’ll ever find

[herpsandbirds]

Long-nosed Horned Frog or Malaysian Horned Frog (Pelobatrachus nasutus), family Megophryidae, Sarawak, Borneo

photograph by Adam Franc