#long loooong post.

[destefaniart]

🌻🌻

I've been debating what to discuss here for a while and I think I'll talk about one of the aus I should probably start sketching soon because I'll lose track of it when school begins again.

The first big au I have is batfam related, I think I made a post about it some months ago, and the premise is about how the joker is found death one day and the police and the batfam start to investigate about it.

Gotham citizens are fairly happy about jokers demise, but they're worried about who ended with his life, since the joker had not had anyone able to end him before, despite all the terror and misery he constantly put people through.

This leads to a whole debate about what should be done to the person who killed him, and that puts a lot of pressure in the GCPD, who had been investigating the case already, but now needs to get some results soon to keep operating relatively normally.

The batfam on the other hand, is the nuclear pov on this, obvly, and all of them are handling the news a bit differently.

Jason is by fat the most vocal about it, he is very very happy with the development of events at first, but his curiosity for who actually managed to finish his enemy starts to get the best of him, and he slowly starts to question if The batfam, a family of the greatest detectives is actually doing enough to uncover the truth.

On top of that, Bruce starts sulking more and more on the investigation as per usual, and he can't help but go back to his old resentments to the situation of his own death and later resurrection, which starts to wear them both down progressively, making the both of them snap at each other.

Jason ends up being pulled apart from the case because he is starting to take it too personally,and not taking well the situations and clues. So he starts his own investigation.

I can't help but think that there are some joker apologists in Gotham, or outside of it, for whatever reason. so, after the investigation is brought to the public by the media, there's a lot of scrutiny regarding batman and his way of investigating stuff and the public start to speculate about the batfam's involvement in Jokers death.

This prompts the previous apologists to try to uncover the truth, and some videos of the batfam and the jokers old fight are revealed. Jason witnesses the footage of Bruce's fights with the joker just after his death, and he is suddenly confronted by what Bruce tried to tell him back then, about how he did Grieve Jason.

And Jason... Doesn't know how to deal with that, he knew Bruce did Grieve him, but he had always felt that he didn't do it how Jason would have liked him to. He wanted to be avenged, he wanted the joker to die and to not hurt anyone. He wanted Bruce to put Him over his mission. He wanted Batman to make Justice, by killing the joker. And he Knows , he does, that he wasn't entirely wrong, about the joker just. Continuously hurting people but seeing Bruce take actions so brutal and directly makes the prospect real and different from what he expected.

It doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel how he wanted it to feel. And he is suddenly unable to know how to feel about Bruce acting like that because of him. It was just what he wanted, why... Why does it feel like this now? It's just so... Unlike Bruce, the Bruce he learned to accept now, the Bruce he loved since he was a child... And the caring figure he saw is hard to reconcile with the brutal batman he envisions now.

That's when suddenly, a video of Dick killing the joker, before, comes to light, and all the standards that jason had to adapt to himself to be welcome back in to the family seems to shatter before his eyes. Dick, who has always been able to redeem villains, to give second chances, who is know as the most trustworthy person in the cape community, maybe second person, just behind superman... Dick did that because of Tim... But also. Because of the memory of what happened to Jason.

And, Jason

So he goes to talk to the batfam about it. And that's the basic of the au lol

I just want them to actually confront a lot of the stuff they constantly argue about and yeah I'm focusing more on Jason's pov but I think a lot of characters need to discuss Jason's death and how they confronted that reality and the subsequent reveal of Jason's resurrection so YEAAAAH have a half baked au

[chooh2]

The bigger the biceps the better for carrying the weight of the galaxy, that's just science 😌

[onesnoopyaday]

LONG SNOOPY (click for better quality!)

Snoopy #32

2/11/2024

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

literally made so many memes tonight that i hit the image limit so i got a head start on the next batch (3/?)

[springtrappd]

You said in one post that the author of Solar Lunacy is ableist. Could you explain how they're being problematic? I know almost nothing about them or the story itself, so I wouldn't know if they've said or done anything sus. Also, thank you for actually criticizing the Daycare Attendant stans, almost nobody in this site does that.

thank you for asking! it's rare to see, you're right, but it's also rare that people are willing to actually engage with that critical posting, so -- again, thank you! as for your question: oh boy, can i!

first: the basics. dissociation is a psychological response to overwhelming stress wherein the brain... disassociates from itself, placing a barrier between itself and the harsh reality. the most famous dissociative disorder is dissociative identity disorder (DID), known formerly as multiple personality disorder (MPD) or split personality. did occurs when someone without a fully-formed identity (read: a child) undergoes such severe stress that the 'brain' dissociates from its identity itself, creating alternate identities (personalities) to deal with the things they can't. these alternate identities work together to form a system. it's way more complicated than that and you can read more on it here and here but that's the bare minimum for the ignorant in the audience. we all caught up? good! moving on.

now, the question of whether or not the daycare attendant is a system is a touchy one. i've seen multiple different stances on the matter, seen a lot of arguments, and typed (and deleted) several hundreds of words about it, and the answer that i've come to is that, for the sake of this argument, whether the dca is a system in canon doesn't matter. what matters is how bamsara treats them. how do they handle the characters, how do they frame the switches in personality, the confusion, all the parallels to real-world symptoms -- how do they expect the viewer to feel, what do they pull from the cultural lexicon, yadda yadda. does bamsara -- regardless of their intentions -- depict the dca as a system, and if so, how do they handle it?

the answer is that they depict the dca as experiencing altered identity states, switching (and even blurring) between identities, and even repeatedly acknowledges them as a plural entity.

and it is these behaviours, specifically, that are used to make the dca scary. bamsara's daycare attendant is scary because they experience altered identity states. because they blur identities. because they are a plural entity. because they display the textbook symptoms and behaviours of a disorder most commonly caused by childhood sexual abuse. and it is the fear that this is inspires that makes them (but especially moon & eclipse) sexy.

now, one can argue that this is simply in line with existing horror media, and they would be correct: most pop culture depictions of dissociative disorders are extremely ableist, and have real-world consequences! but what makes it really, really shitty is that... i don't want to think about this stuff. i don't come to fandom to be reminded that people are terrified of what they don't understand, and that that very very often includes the mentally ill. i don't want to be reminded that there are people who don't believe dissociative disorders exist at all. i don't want to reminded that they -- the sick, the survivors, the unlucky 140 million -- are spoken of in the same way as monsters. i don't come here for harsh realities. but solar lunacy is the most kudos'd fnaf fic on ao3, and we all have to live with that.

if you liked solar lunacy or bamsara's content or... whatever, i don't particularly care. i'm not mad about people thinking evil alters are sexy, or engaging with horror content that says shitty things about systems -- it's your life, live it how you please (and i've got a vanny icon so who am i to judge lmao). sometimes the things that make us happy are kinda shitty, and that's okay! our views are shaped by the society we live in, and there is no society on earth that is kind to the mentally ill -- there's no way to undo that, to stop that from influencing you in some capacity. but... all i ask is for you to think about this stuff, and try to educate yourself on the topic. there's nothing wrong with making a mistake, or having flaws -- but there's something wrong with making a space that feels unsafe, that reflects some of the more uncomfortable aspects of our society, that unintentionally hurts people. it's just up to you if that something is something you care about.

i hope that answers your question, anon (and anyone else who's curious). take care, mate!

(edit 13/01/2023: due to some technical difficulties on tumblr's end, the notes aren't quite showing up properly, so here's the link to bamsara's reblog chain if you can't find it.)

[sea-buns]

hey to a gorgug liker what do you think about his nightmare section from sophomore year? cause I feel like the horror there is less “ah my grandparents were racist” and more “fuck am I being a stereotype? are the people who hate me right about me?” cause wrt to his having to modulate between barbarian and artificer in fhjy it’s like. idk

oh boy do I have thoughts

Tbh, I had zero recollection of the racism stuff until reading this. It was just SO MINOR. His trial in the forest felt really lackluster to me. I feel like everyone else's really dug into an issue at the core of their character and his felt more like "everyone is getting a trial, what do we do for gorgug?" And idk if that was just a bad delivery/call on Brennan's part or if it could have been helped by Zac engaging more in it but it just. Didn't feel like anything. It was a lot more about the dice than the horror of the claustrophobia and the bugs and you've never fit in anywhere you live to make yourself smaller wherever you go you're just the loser who hits hard. Like yeah I guess there was an overarching theme of Gorgug gaining confidence in himself but it was done very poorly imo.

And I think his trial in the forest was wrong for putting such an emphasis on his intelligence. I think that would have been much better suited in fy, back when he was still being heavily bullied, but beyond that it felt like a quick and easy thing for them to grab. Yes, he had insecurities about his intelligence with all the complications with Zelda. But, to me, the focus of fhsy was his HEART. It put a spotlight on how his social circle has grown, and his bully is his friend now, and he's not alone anymore. His interactions with Ayda, the friendship book, trying to help Fabian, I believe in you spring break, it's Gorgug keep going. I made a post earlier in the season (including a great addition by another user) that I think articulates that emphasis on his emotional intelligence very well.

Fhjy HOWEVER. I think it's doing everything that sy failed at. It's giving him space to have an inner conflict. It's addressing lots of little issues and conflicts he's had over the campaign and combining them into one coherent piece. Like, guy was in a relationship pretty much all of fy, and then dealt with the fallout in sy, but I don't think we've EVER seen as much quality relationship development with Gorgug as we have in jy. He and Fig spent an entire summer together trapped in a tour bus and no season has indicated that bond and friendship more than this one. He and Riz have found something to bond over, meanwhile in previous seasons there was pretty much zero one-on-one personal interaction between them. Fabian expressed sadness over Gorgug leaving the Owlbears, because it was the only thing they had that was just for them to hang out and be friends.

Just with that, we're already doing leagues more with Gorgug's character than we ever have. And I haven't even STARTED on his barbificier journey, oh dear god lmao.

Gonna preface this bit with a post I made before the season even started. It was about Zac's steady improvement in his performances with every PC, and how I was predicting that it was gonna culminate into a Gorgug that does him the justice he deserves. It was initially supposed to be a criticism, but I got a little lost in the sauce of loving my boy lol. Still very relevant to the topic of this ask!

God, where do I START?? Addressing his relationship with rage? I'll be honest, I didn't think that would ever be used as a character arc. And I'm not even sure why I've felt that way. I just didn't think... I didn't think about how he might've had a dislike for his own rage. Like, the WAY he rages isn't bad by any means, but I don't think it ever crossed my mind how actually harmful his lessons to sing to combat rage were. No, I did not like the way Porter went about teaching him (a bit too unsupportive of his capabilities and reminiscent of shitty teachers for my liking). But his point about EMBRACING anger; that rage is not bad and does not— should not— need to be stifled. THAAAAT. That opened up such an interesting dialogue for Gorgug.

I do appreciate the beginnings of Gorgug's interest in artificing in fhsy. I think the crumbs of it back then did a great job of leading into his larger commitment to multiclassing. And I think what he's been doing with it this season is exactly what was lacking in his section of the nightmare forest. His trial was a puzzle, based entirely on die rolls, where his solution after failing even when he's assisted by the enemy is to essentially give up. I understand that facing their fears was the whole point of the trials, but his section came off as incredibly anticlimactic and unfulfilling. Just the fact that it was a trial based on stat numbers more than the development of the character itself.

Where junior year succeeds in actually showcasing his intelligence and the evolution of the worth he holds in himself is with the hands-on approach it takes. Yes, the academic rolls are still dice and stats, but there's a physical manifestation that wasn't there before. Gorgug is smart when it comes to getting his hands dirty. It is in the practical applications of his skills that his brand of intelligence shines the most.

And while, once again, I did not LIKE Porter's heavy resistance to multiclassing....I have to admit that I don't think Gorgug would have had such a boost in confidence without that struggle. Even if my boy had trouble expressing it to Porter verbally, HE STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF. Instead of simply rolling over and agreeing that he wasn't built for a technical class and it was stupid to try– he was DEFIANT.

The kid who said "I'm a dumbass. Eat me you stupid bug." took on FOUR CLASSES. Three school years worth of artificer simultaneously. AND stayed with the Owlbears. AND went along on party missions to help Kristen's candidacy. AND was always on deck to help the party with the overarching plotline.

AND HE ACED IT!!! THE FIRST BARBIFICER THAT THE AGUEFORT ADVENTURING ACADEMY HAS EVER SEEN!!!!! He is paving the way for every unprecedented multiclass that follows.

Just in comparison to who he was in the previous season, the amount of drive and self-worth he's gained is astounding. In my eyes, it's done more than enough to makeup for the way his development fell flat in sophomore year.

i hope this fulfilled the ask in the way you were hoping! i told you i'd get carried away lmao. writing a bunch about any of zac's characters is always such a joy. gorgug had always been my favorite of the bad kids but i always found myself wishing he went deeper, y'know? and now it's real. my precious anxious boy has been handled so well. and watching zac's growth as a performer has been such a blast.

thanks for the ask! :D

[leaves-lilies-and-esther]

Why being against trans rights as a feminist is bull

Generally I fall pretty neatly into line with the radfem line of thinking about things (anti surrogacy, anti sex industry, pro choice, anti beauty industry etc). And I don't think that radical feminists who disagree with me on this are evil or anything, but I do believe that it shouldn't be a priority and that this whole effort will be remembered badly.

"But the bathrooms-"

Letting trans women into female bathrooms does not increase sexual assault. According to Media Matters, "...the fear is baseless- completely unsupported by years of evidence from states that already have non-discrimination laws on the books." To give examples:

Rhode Island reported "no increase in sex crimes due to 2001 law"

Karen Richards of the Vermont Human Rights commission said she is "not aware" of any problems from a 2001 law

Jim O'Neill said he was "unaware of any sexual assault as the result of the CT gender identity or expression law" in Connecticut

If you search "Debunking the Big Myth about Transgender Inclusive Bathrooms" from Media Matters you can see the other twelve state level examples

There's also a very well written article from Time called "Transgender Bathroom: Advocates Say 'Predator' is a Myth" . They detail several locations like New York City and California which protect trans rights without seeing a spike in sexual assaults, the fact that school officials and police departments have not seen a spike either, and that several organizations dedicated to stopping violence against women all agree that bathroom rights aren't a threat.

Moreover, according to Vox's article "Anti-transgender bathroom hysteria, explained"- all of the incidences commonly cited of men dressing up as women or posing as a woman in order to commit sexual assault happened before a non-discrimination bathroom law was passed. Meaning that these laws don't cause sh*t.

But to add onto another point, there's a very good reason why we cannot simply say that women's bathrooms must be defined by sex alone. Which is that we end up exposing transgender or nonbinary youth to extremely avoidable violence instead.

According to an article from Harvard entitled "transgender teens with restricted bathroom access at higher risk of sexual assault", quote, "Transgender and non-binary teens face greater sexual assault in schools that prevent them from using bathrooms or locker rooms consistent with their gender identity." 36% of trans or nonbinary youth with restricted access had been sexually assaulted in the past year. In no world is that an acceptable number. Not only does restricting bathroom access not solve anything for cis women, it actively inflicts male violence on transgender women.

And even in the outlandish world where this wasn't enough of a reason, it also leads to cis women being policed on their appearance and how feminine they present in order to avoid looking trans. In Las Vegas a woman named Jay was kicked out because they mistook her for trans according to Advocate article 'cis woman mistaken as transgender records being berated in bathroom'. Aimee Toms in Danbury was similarly harassed, as was Jessica Rush in Dallas. There's several videos in the Vox article "Women are getting harassed in bathrooms because of anti-transgender hysteria". And guess what? This sort of policing what a cis woman can look like is only going to get worse as people continue to advocate against trans women in bathrooms.

And women's sports-

Any physical advantage that transgender people have in sports goes away several years after medical transition. According to the NBC article "trans women retain athletic edge after a year of hormone therapy"

(1) "For the Olympic, the elite level, I'd say probably two years is more realistic than one year" - namely, trans people have standard hormone levels if they wait two years after medical transition. "After two years, Roberts told NBC News, 'they were fairly equivalent to cisgender women'".

There were some limitations to the Roberts study, but there's also a 2015 Harper study backing this up.

(3) Joanna Harper, a medical physicist in Portland, already ran a study on this. "...found that trans women ran at least 10 percent slower after beginning hormones. And, relatively speaking, they did no better against cisgender female runners than they previously done against cisgender men".

Namely, as long as there's been a medical transition for several years, it's still a totally fair competition.

But laws which ban transgender women from sports have had the incidental effect of allowing for state-sanctioned genital inspections on minors. This sounds fake, right? But in Ohio Republicans have passed a bill which "...has a verification requirement, if someone is 'accused' or 'suspected' of being trans... she must go through evaluations of her external and internal genitalia, testosterone levels and genetic makeup." And believe it or not, they only had one transgender girl who was an athlete in high school. One! This is according to the Ohio Capital Journal's article "GOP passes bill aiming to root out 'suspected' transgender female athletes with genital inspection."

Similarly, Florida has just passed a ban on transgender students in sports in April 2021, with provisions similar to the Ohio law. "A dispute regarding a student's sex shall be resolved by the student's school or institution by requesting that the student provide a health examination... provides for 'routine sports physical examination' of students' reproductive organs, genetic makeup, or testosterone levels." This is according to Changing America, titled "Florida's new ban on transgender students in sports would allow schools to subject minors to genital inspections."

I don't know about you, but as someone who has enjoyed track, swim team, and basketball all through educational institutions- I don't want the government in my pants.

Beyond the creepy implications of the state demanding invasive inspections on literal children, this also goes back to the point I made on bathrooms above- that when we take spaces away trans people, we take spaces away from any woman or girl who society deems as presenting too 'masculine'.

As feminists we can absolutely support trans rights without compromising our integrity. And not only can we, we should.

Edited August 24, 2023: I wanted to add a section about the provisions of these bills for literal genital inspections. I regret that it wasn't in the original, but I remembered these articles earlier and thought that it was important to add here.

The other thing I did later the same day was take out the part referencing women like Caster Semenya competing in the Olympics and being removed because of high testosterone levels. Someone has kindly pointed out that these are intersex women, which the original article I had read referred to as cis. I feel that intersex women in athletics deserve their own discussion, and I haven't (a) read enough on the issue or (b) learned enough about the intersex community as a whole to take part.

[calmlb]

Hi Essie!!! Hope you're doing well! (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)❤️

So I had this idea for a sick!Dazai fic (that I'm honestly too tired to write dhehee), and who else is better to brainstorm it with than my fellow Dazai whump enthusiast? :D

Based on my own experience of being sick for the past week, I forgot how awful it can get. It sucks. You're feverish, your nose is either runny or super blocked, your throat hurts, you get headaches, you're lethargic 80% of the time, all that stuff. But what sucked the most for me was how hot my skin felt. Like, clothes were so uncomfortable to wear from the sweat, especially since it's still summer around here.

So imagine putting bandages into account as well?

Yep, awful.

So I present you with a scenario: Teen!Dazai in his office, has taken over paper duty (that Mori knows he isn't gonna complete anyway) because of his fever. He feels gross, to say the least. Flushed and hazy, a little nauseous and sleepy. But his skin- his skin is scorching, and there is no way for it to disperse that heat because it can't breathe. He endures it for as long as he can until he just can't.

In his haze, he scrambles to tear his bandages off, loosen his tie, and decides that he will lie on the cold floor shirtless. The air conditioner isn't enough. No one is there to stop him.

Until Chuuya barges in without knocking as usual (to discus the paperwork he also knows Dazai isn't going to finish) and stumbles onto the scene.

Dazai doesn't even acknowledge him, has already taken off the bandages around his eye and is halfway through tearing off the ones around his neck. His clothes are disheveled as he loosens them and looks like he's about to take them off.

Chuuya gapes for a solid second, before exclaiming with a blush-

"What the fuck?!"

He rushes over, trying not to look at Dazai's skin that's on display and stops him. He wraps him with Mori's oversized coat aggressively.

Dazai fights against him, exclaiming that he needs to lie on the floor. Chuuya doesn't get it, all that he knows is that Dazai is delirious, and even if he thinks it's a good idea to tear through his protective layer now, he'll definitely regret it later.

So Chuuya ties him with the coat and decides to take the paperwork to his place, along with a flailing Dazai on his shoulder.

I just wanna see Dazai giving Chuuya hell during treating him 😭 cuz even if cooling off is a good idea for a fever, not staying huddled in the warmth equates to chills and endless sneezes. Makes you feel even more awful. So it's gonna be a push and pull of Chuuya trying to warm Dazai up (in order to fight off the fever faster), and Dazai wanting to cool off (because he isn't used to being this warm and hates it), until they come up with a compromise somehow dgdhejndjd

Yeah, just a fun idea! :3 Feel free to expand on it hehe

PEA 😭 i saw this when i was having a Very Bad Day™️ & it immediately made it sm better tysm 🥺🩷🩷

UGH THE TENDER, FEVERISH SKIN UNDER THE BANDAGES ❤️‍🩹 where everything just feels like too much, i completely understand why Dazai (in his feverish delusion) would think removing the offending material would be the solution

Chuuya barging in and quickly going from 👁️👄👁️ to 😳����. i love that he goes into protective mode, thinking of how future Dazai will surely regret this course of action & putting measures in place to prevent that 🥺

Chuuya would wrap Dazai up like a sushi roll & carry him on his shoulder like a log back to his apartment, where he proceeds to lose the idgaf war & embrace his mother hen side (which he still denies exists)

meanwhile Dazai is kicking & fighting him every step of the way, acting more like a 5 year old than a mafia sub executive (he’s still only a kid sobs), even as he shivers with chills

until Chuuya manages to get a hand in his sweat soaked curls, gently carding through them. the coolness of his leather glove against Dazai’s overheated scalp makes Dazai go still… and then slump against the couch in a mixture of relief & exhaustion. Chuuya takes advantage of his compliance to make him agree to stop fighting him, & they spend the rest of the day resting on the couch, watching movies & playing video games (well. Chuuya plays. Dazai watches & points out all of Chuuya’s mistakes) 🩷🩷🩷

[shopwitchvamp]

Ello!! Same person who was trying to emo-fiy his mom lmfao. (Just changed my username) but anyways, how exactly did this business start? It seems newer.

How new does it seem? I'm curious!

Witch Vamp has been solidly it's own thing since 2017, though it was originally "Witch Vampire" for a while and only on Etsy / at conventions. I think my first skirts hit the con scene in 2015, but at the time the vast majority of what I was doing was crocheted amigurumi plushies (which I'd been selling since 2008).

The most ancient of my skirts!

This is gonna be SO long sooo if you want a whole spiel, it's under the break-

How those first few skirts started was that a friend said, "Hey, I found this place called ArtsCow where you can get custom clothing printed! Wanna try making skirts?" And I was desperate for anything I could try selling that didn't involve me literally and actively breaking my body to produce it (I had multiple bouts of tendonitis in my wrist from crocheting a ridiculous amount to produce enough plushies for cons ✌️🥲), so I tried designing some patterns to put on skirts, zipper bags, lanyards, etc. After a time, skirts were doing really well in particular.

Between 2015-2018 there was a gradual shift from the focus of my time/work/con tables/etc going from plushies to clothing. By 2019 I gave up crocheting all together and had fully shifted my focus to Witch Vamp, and it's also when I set up my shopify so I could have a stand-alone site and start escaping Etsy.

Side note, 2018 and especially 2019 I was slowing down on cons a lot. I used to get sick all the time, be exhausted and miserable all the time, and generally had started feeling too old & weary to keep doing them at such a grueling pace. I also spent about 1/4 of each of those years having run off to Japan to do an English teaching/Japanese learning exchange program in a countryside town called Ojiya. Going into 2020 I thought I might be returning to Japan to teach full time and help the program director open an English school for adults in a nearby city.. But 2020 had a big surprise in store for us all, didn't it? As you can guess those plans got absolutely demolished. So 2020 hit and cons got cancelled, Japan plans got cancelled, thankfully I had already started up my shopify so I went fully online-only pretty quickly. Things started picking up quite a bit in 2021 & 2022, and in 2022 I left Fresh Hot Flavors (a group shop I was in with other artists, including the one that got a bunch of us ((as in me, FHF, Vetiverfox, and Maya Kern)) all started on this clothing journey) to only run Witch Vamp. Around the same time my partner quit his increasingly awful job and started helping me out with the shop instead. January 2023 is when we made the business part of our partnership official and Witch Vamp became Witch Vamp LLC. Up until then I'd been a sole proprietorship the whole time and doing all of everything myself. With my partner around to start taking on various tasks (like fulfilment and customer service emails) and with my clothing order schedule no longer being tied to FHF, things started to speed up a ton. This is when Witch Vamp fully coalesced into Witch Vamp as it is now, with the weekly restocks and more frequent new designs and preorders. If you consider the business as having started (in it's current state) as when the LLC was formed, then yeah it is pretty darn new! But depending on when you consider it starting it also goes wayyy back. It's been a long road, haha. PS: if you're interested in seeing old designs, plushies, and con tables from my past life, I made a big long post about it -here- :D

[mochinon-yah]

How would you describe your friend's art/writing? (E.g.: scenario, food, memory, etc.)

OMGGG ANON THANK YOUUU LET ME SMOOCH U RNNN <3333

But i'm gonna twist the question a bit since i haven't read everyone's work so yeah 🥹 i'm gonna describe the way they talk or how they 'feel' like to me lolll

@beloved-brynn: (<- my dear sweet hallow) whenever brynn is talking about something, it could either be the most mindblowing thing ever or the funniest thing ever 😭 i love her sm (platonically) since she's my first ever mutual and the first ever person to just... kinda welcome me to tumblr (i can hesr her in the distance saying smth smth abt i traumatized her despite the warm welcome- /silly) also she's good at giving advices! She's somebody who would cofmort you in an objective but warm way while also try to joke around so you won't feel like you're being nagged at (good grief, i cried more while she did that lol) ALSO A SIMP FOR DIMITRIII ‼️‼️

@meimeimeirin: tbh rin's writing or way of speaking is so so uniquely her that even if she tried to mask it up, i could guess that it's her 😆 she's an amazing mutual that i have no clue how the heck did we even be friends and be close like this??? Is it the same thing like how me and brynn get close- i gave you a drawing- anyway, she has a very elegant way of doing things, and especially when she starts to ramble or write about something that she loves! It's always so lovely reading her posts <3 btw rin, keep a chicken head with you always, yeah? 😋

@leftdestiny-posts: NOW THIS IS AN ENIGMA BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE HOW DID WE ACTUALLY BECOME MOOTS????? Shiro, did u just somehow in someway adopt me- 😭 but anywayyyy, shiro's way of talking is so so so soft and cute and warm and it makes me wonder how the heck did they mask their craziness so good like that- /smacked sorry sorry, enough jokes, what i meant to say is that shiro is such a down to earth person, and honestly i could see them go "wah, the clouds are really pretty today~ the flowers too~~" their writing or talking style has that vibe to me! It's so warm and fuzzy to me 🫠 i feel so comfy with themm 💗💗

@a-bookworms-teashop: i took a liking to one of her series and ever since then, i am a fan of her works!! I like to leave comments and just yk... support her works! Suddenly, bam! She dm'ed me or smth and we just kinda talk 😆 i love when she goes to ramble about her works because it shows how much love and effort she pours into each and every one of them!!! Im still waiting for an update to that series hiks but in any case, her other works sre also a masterpiece! Example? The yandere ceo one! It's so interesting and honestly bae, i would read every chapters 😻 i mean i already did, but eh YEAH READ EM GUYS!!!

@jessamine-rose: bae jess, ur works are amazing pookie, i once read one of ur work before eventually falling in love with how u write but i forgot which one was it... (it was a long time ago) was it abt capitano...? I'M SORRY I FORGOT HDBSHSJSJ 😭😭😭 but anyway, jess has the mom vibe that it always made me think of those asian moms (I'M ASIAN- THE TRAUMA IS THERE- /silly) who would hit their kids with sandals and be "i told you don't be like that!" >:o also her way of speaking and the amount of kaomojis she used is so so her that i would just imagine her every time i see one of those kaomojis 😆💗 please keep using em, i love ittt <333

@harmonysanreads: i simp for u. Yes, you read that right, my friends... I SIMP FOR HARMYYYY (shoo shoo eun- /silly) 😻💗 harmy has a very distinctive vibe and personality despite being similar to rinrin, and uhh how do i describe it...? It's like talking with a mom figure (no harm, i don't see u as a mom figure-) who knows you so well!! Her way of talking is so elegant, but it's not the warm-like elegant! It's like seeing a queen (?) and you can't help but to be mesmerized by her mannerisms! I also love the way she can form her words, they're always so thoughtful and really straightforward in a way lolll (she's my argue buddy too- anyway prince hirang 👎 /silly)

@navxry: NAVI ACTS LIKE THE MOM FRIEND!! Not really the mom mom friend, but navi is our server mom 💗 they take care of us and sometimes pop in and say either the most horrendous down bad thing ever for female game characters (while im like "oh yeah so true lmao" but i don't usually pop in and say that) or they'll help us around the server because apparently most some of us are not pretty... tech-savvy (me included HAHAHHA) navi is such a mood sometimes and i absolutely love them for ittt 🫶 u go girl (/gn) be as silly as you wsnt for your fics, or in other words, kill em all- *cough* i mean what

@calxlu: a fellow infp who really loves albedo 😆 i love when one time i made a bedo art for them and they reblogged it so many times,,, it made me super happy and super proud that the art made them that happy 💗 anyway, vivi talks similarly like me methinks but like ummm how do i say it? Vivi is like cuter...???? IDKK HAHAHAJDJ- um, moving on 😆 i love it when vivi describes or tell smth because it could either be the most cutest thing ever or the funniest thing ever (i still remember that grandma comment pls 😭) anywayyy i hope your life has been less stressful!!! Also will be hoping that ppl won't bother you especially when you don't want to get bothered 🫂

@teabutmakeitazure: ZURIII MY BELOVED 🙌 HELLO HI <333 muach muach i hope you're doing well when you read this post /gen /pos !!! When zuri comes in the server and say smth, i will always imagine someone wesring a glasses, talking in such a monotone voice but tries to appear caring and sweet because YES they are actually really sweet and very much loveable and smoochable <3 it's just how you 'feel' like to me, so don't mind em too much loll 😆💗 also, i see that zuri and speckled can match each other vibe so well and it makes me think that they'll be such a great and cute duo together sbsnsjkssk

@vennnnn-diagram: VENNNNN OMG MY PARTNER IN CRIME 😻💗‼️ (<- we never did any crime other than bully brynn... i think-) ven is so funny and chaotic that it makes me wanna smooch em every time they appear <3 how do i explain this... uhhh, like ven always seems to be the silliest person ever whenever they talk in the server, but GUYS they're like really thoughtful and so overall nshdjisks i can't describe it but i will fight anyone who diss or insult ven /hj kinda srs actually ✨️ ven, if u think that being silly feels weird out of nowhere, bae we're all weird, so dw abt it 😆 im also very silly, so we can be silly together!!! ALSO ONE IMPORTANT FACT, ven is our music genius 🙌‼️ i'm so serious abt wanting to hear ur music for an hour straight-

@stickyspeckledlight: speckled...... well, uh, the word 'silly', 'random', "what in the world-" as a person fr 😆 i also just kinda deem her as the gamer pro in our server and well.... i gotta say she's real good when gaming (<- has never seen her gaming stream) BUT LIKE WHATEVER THOSE GAME TERM STUFF, SPECKLED KNOWS IT ALL ‼️‼️ like whenever she said oh this and that about hsr or genshin, i'd be "oh yeah so true" despite me not understanding her words (sorry yall i'm not a gamer 😭) alsoooo it's pretty noticeable, but uhh speckled (and zuri) is aventurine lover and she's pretty crazy abt him *cues me looking at her fics* keep going bestie 🙌 you (and zuri) are our aventurine truther lol

@ainescribe: AINE MY SPOUSE ✨️ THE LOVE OF MY LIFE /pos 💗💗 ainneee, one of our talented super amazing artists in the hostelry 😻 thought despite me saying that aine is the loml, we haven't talk or interact much, but i know that she's a sweetheart hehe 🫶 aine has a very bubbly way of talking, she likes to yap yap like eun especially if it's about.... uh lores? Idrk the kind of stuff that aine likes to talk about, but it's always fun to hear her (and eun) yap ‼️ also, i can't describe it but she makes me wanna smooch her but also nom her (it's just cuteness aggression-) ALSO I HAVE TO SAY IT AGAINNN, HER ARTS ARE REALLY PRETTYYY 💗🙌 LIKE 100/10 PRETTY ✨️

@lucienbarkbark: girl, idk what goes on in your mind but you're a mood 😆 i am always so surprised whenever rika appears and say something, it's too straightforward but i love her for it <333 she seems like someone who would just do whatever she wants, and i would totally support her for it 💪 rika and her... 66 or more men that she would (respectfully saying) sleep with 🔥🔥🔥 HAHAHHAH THE LIST IS SO LONG AND LIKE 😭😭 i can never not laugh whenever i remember it hdjdjsjwkw pls never change your frank and honest attitude, i love it 🫶 btw, uh, pls have some rest bestie 😭 like an actual rest and also a mental rest 🫂 wishing the best for you rikaaaa >:o

@mixed-kester: esther! While i may not know much about you, but i KNOW one thing!!! It's that she's a really great artist 😻 i'm telling yall to check her arts because (from my opinion) her art style looks like one you would find in a cute short comic (that i would totally devour-) AND YEAH she's just really sweet yk 🥺 also esther talks in a very direct way that it makes you want to just know what's up inside that head of hers 😆 she's also part of the 'would eat mochi 😋' gang and i just.... have to accept that....... anyway LOVE HER 💗‼️ please be more braver and accepting of your feelings, you're precious and worth it, okay? We love you, and i hope sincerely that YOU love YOURSELF 🙌

@euniveve: OHOHOHO OUR RESUME DESTROYER HERE /silly ✨️ jokes aside, i think me, jess, and shiro would say "what can't eun do atp" if we're talking about eun 😭😭 wdym she can write amazing fanfics, great artist, good at debating, a highschool athlete, a student council president- LIKE EUN WHAT THE HECK DID YOU NOT DO???? Is it the intj in you- /silly LMAO anyway, all that aside, eun talks in a very pookie way, so full of.... love (especially if she's talking with harmy) and she would totally yap yap abt smth altho sometimes she's a bit direct about stuff (not in a harsh way tho) all in all, i hope you're not too harsh on yourself 💗 OH AND i love how confident you are!! You know that you're amazing, and i think that's great pookie 🫶

@fishanonishere: FISHHHHH 🫂 the 'albedo' in my life LMAOOOO 😭 they're so cute i wanna smooch them fr ✨️ they like to yap about their works and honestly yap more bestie (I HAVEN'T ANSWERED THEIR DM IN DISCORD BUT YEAH YAP MORE BESTIE 😭😭) they have a distinct way of talking and it's hard for me to describe it, but imagine albedo talking with such an interest while also keeping it low with how monotonous his face is and you're a bit confused whether he's excited or chill with it 😆 fish is also an amazing artist, their art style is very very 😋💗 yeah i'd eat all of em HAHAHAHA anyway fishhh, i hope you keep being 'you'!! It's always fun talking to you, but i think my energy is just not that big enough for us to keep talking for so long 😭🙏

[senblades]

Who are your fav persona 3 people!!!

[cracks knuckles] I'm glad you asked

So! I don't actively /dislike/ anyone in the p3 cast, but some of them definitely speak to me more than others:

First things first: Ryoji. Love that guy. He's so silly. And so tragic. And he makes me sad. (Like holy SHIT I wasn't expecting a reprise of his song in the stage play on December 31st but it TOOK ME OUT) (also Ryomina my love)

The whole Shinji, Ken, and Akihiko trio ALSO lives in my head rent free... two idiots and their son. love them. I've been desperately scouring for Akishinji content and between that, Ryomina, and Shuake, I've come to realise that my shipping habits seem to boil down to "doomed yaoi" HAHA

More on Ken, I have a LOT of thoughts about how he and Akechi would interact and (likely) get along. Whether that be in the p5 era or a situation a la Throw Away Your Mask. (Or, something I've yet to find: Akechi with no time travel shenanigins getting in on the p3 plot. You can bet THAT'S a longfic idea I've got rattling around) (Also the half-brothers headcanon is super fun. Especially when combined with Futago siblings. Congratulations, Shido! All your kids are persona users, and they all hate you! :D)

Aigis! She's just. Infinitely charming. She'll say something that will absolutely take me out and then turn around and say something devestating HAHA. I also think that her and Ryoji's social link and linked episodes respectively do a LOT of thematic work in the story. Death himself and the girl that can't die, both trying to figure out how to live (y'all that shit's METAL)

Strega are so interesting to me... I don't think they're perfect villains- I think their motivation is underexplored and a bit choppy, but ASIDE from that, I really like all three of them as characters. Idk why Jin is so funny to me LMAO he's so in love with Takaya and Takaya's just like "k. met your quota yet?" (But, also, some of Takaya's lines definitely imply that he cares about Jin too, but doesn't let himself acknowledge that at all due to his whole "attachments are weakness" shtick, another thematic point to contest his ideology, as he is actively denying himself happiness in pursuit of some idea of salvation)

Chidori- I like her well enough. Some of her lines really did make me smile, but I think she's another case of "underdeveloped" (I actually read Throw Away Your Mask before I played p3r, so that fic did a lot of the heavy lifting for my like of Chidori (and, by extension, Jundori) i think)

Which leads nicely into: Junpei! He's da man. Nuff' said. HAHA if you can't tell, I love Junpei. Awkward dudebro stuff aside (though it's occasionally part of his charm), I really love his development and personality in general. I really love how all the "bro" characters across the modern three persona games, while fulfilling the same archetype, are all distinct in personality and motivation and I love them ALL

Mitsuru is quite interesting to me, but I think she might be a case of "I wish her social link was about something else". Personal preference of course, but I kind of wish that it focused more on this intense guilt she seems to have for things that a) weren't her fault, and b) happened when she was 7 or younger. THAT is a super interesting mindset to explore, imo, though I did find her social ineptitude charming haha

Yukari... I think that she might grow on me more later. I can feel it in my bones. I suppose I'll find out with The Answer dlc! I know broadly what happens in it, but I haven't actually seem a playthrough of it, nor do I really know what happens to all the characters. I think my opinion of Yukari might have been tainted slightly by everyone having such strong opinions HAHA- I definitely like her, but I don't think she's clicked just yet. (I did really like her social link, though!) (also Yukamitsu I love Yukamitsu. The lesbians aren't doomed! Good for them)

Okay this is going to upset some people probably but Koromaru isn't really much of a character and I keep forgetting about him LMAO. uh. he's a good boy?

Fuuka... I really think that she's just underdeveloped. Her social link didn't really do her any favours in my eyes (I'm SO glad that atlus cut the "girl learns to cook" social link in p5 HAHA i really didn't like it with Yukiko either) Her social link obviously isn't just the cooking shenanigins, but it overshadows the bits of character growth that happen intermittently. I think that her SL really would have benefitted from being more about her love of electronics, if anything, since that isn't explored AT ALL and is more a plot device than a character trait. (Plus, the root of all her self-esteem issues go unadressed, which I think would have been a good character beat otherwise) (In saying this I think Fuuka/Natsuki is very cute. The lesbians stay winning in p3)

Makoto/Minato! Honestly, I was pretty neutral towards him from the majority of the fics I had read before playing p3r. I really like his characterisation in Throw Away Your Mask and The Twilight Wants Him Back, but those had been outliers in my mind. I started liking him more and more after playing p3r, and NOW, after having watched 1/4 of the p3 movies- oh boy. boy oh boy. I really like him now HAHA. Having his apathy actually effect his realtionships with SEES early on is super interesting and I love when it's done. (plus, I think Yukari hating him at first really strengthens their friendship later on)

Uh this post is already super long so for all the other plot-relavant characters and confidants I'm just gonna say "it's a secret" and melt into a bush or something

(tysm for the ask! You can tell I was waiting for an excuse to talk about this HAHA)

(btw y'all shoud read the fics I mentioned in this- they're excellent)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[save-slot-a]

Dust and smoke smothered his lungs with every gasp a certain 14 year old boy took between lunging strides. Debris toppled from above, the metal structural beams had already begun to lose their shape and bend under the heat and instability caused from the blasts. A stray explosion took the young man nearly off his feet, but his golden eyes, so full of fear and determination, stayed focused at the end of the hall. He just had to reach her. He just had to get there. The entirety of his body screamed as he continued his haggard sprint through the collapsing building, his footsteps drowned by the sounds of concrete and metal groaning a warning of their inevitable crashdown.

The teen slammed his shoulder into the doorway leading to the main stage of the theater, where he saw her standing in the middle of the chaos, squared up, facing away from him. Her black curls were dusted gray and her dress had been torn enough to be noticed from how far away he was, but that didn't matter. Not while she was still alive and standing. With one last monumental burst of energy, the young man darted towards his mother, calling out to her.

The last words out of her mouth as he snagged the back of her dress was his name shouted in disbelief and terror as the ceiling collapsed over the top of them.

“CROWLEY—”

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

The hero awoke with a start, flinging the covers off of himself in his rush to reach out and sit up. The images of the nightmare persisted, even as the coolness of the darkened bedroom settled down around him. He hadn't realized he'd been reaching out with his stump. Sweat dripped down the sides of his face, and he could feel it sticking uncomfortably to his shirt as he continued to huff and gasp.

Breathe. Just breathe. If you can't focus on anything else, just try to control your breathing— Advice that's easier said than done. Crowley shakily placed his hand onto his chest, feeling it rise and fall as he tried to slow down his PTSD induced panic. A part of him was grateful he was sleeping alone tonight so he wouldn't have woken one of his partners… But another piece of him wishes he wasn't the only one there to ground himself.

After a few more minutes of breathing exercises, the hero slips his face into his hand, closing his eyes and trying to connect with the quiet… Which was difficult when bits and pieces of his flashback kept darting across his mind, making him replay the memory over and over like when he was forced to sit and watch the news footage of the incident and report back what he did wrong in that crisis. You know. As part of hero training.

But that's a whole other can of worms to open at a different time… Because one detail of the attack still sticks out to him. Why in the world was June, his mother, standing there in the middle of the chaos like she was about to fight? Did she have her pistols drawn? Her fists up? The details blur every time he tries to think about it too hard…

“... Maybe… I should talk to my therapist about going into those memories again…” He muses out loud while pulling his knee up to his chest. Something has never felt right about the incident and maybe he's been repressing a key piece about it. If nothing else, seeking closure couldn't hurt right? And maybe with his therapist's magical recall, she can help him view the event from outside of his own experience in it. Besides, what's the worst that can happen? He has another breakdown in his office where he's inconsolable and it's really embarrassing for him later when he thinks about it in the shower? Pshhhh…

… Well… He won't know until his appointment on Thursday. Hopefully he doesn't chicken out over diving back into the day where his world was shattered.

[twinclownsoflotuspiers]

Priorities and Other Questions

gen (with brief Diluc and Kaeya interactions), Diluc centric, canon compliant (and divergent), Four Years of Fatui Killing Suicide Self-Exile, a cat adopting a human

He hadn't planned on getting a cat.

Rather there hadn't been space for even the thought of pet adoption. Diluc's goals had been set on finding answers, the truth, leaving a wake of fire where the Fatui stood. Running far far away from the past and his hand in destroying it.

But then, he'd dismantled yet another camp on the borders of Snezhnaya and while the bodies burnt in a pile, a raggedy bundle of fur had waddled towards the flames - meowing pathetically, searching for warmth.

Diluc had snatched her away in the nick of time. For some reason, his heart had leapt to his throat when he'd done so.

There was no food on his person and he'd found himself raiding that desolate base for longer than ideal, pilfering scraps of meat and frozen fish. He'd left the little cat attacking the food ravenously and walked rapidly away from the camp. But then, the feline had left half the food and chosen to follow him.

"I can't look after you," Diluc told her, idly waving a blade of dried grass above her head and watching her swat fervently. "It's dangerous and I have no time."

When he got up to move (it was never wise to camp in a place for longer than necessary. Snezhnaya's ice bit harsher than Dragonspine's), the cat jumped onto his trousers and climbed him like a tree. It sat on his shoulder by the crook of his neck, under the cover of his unruly hair and hood. Diluc could only sigh.

Two and a half years away from Mondstadt, the comfort and safety of home feeling strangely foreign. He hadn't thought of going back for a long time - was there a place for him there anymore? An absurd line of thought and yet not quite. There was only a name and a legacy - a burden of guilt. It was out of the guilt and sense of duty that he felt he couldn't return. If he could pursue the truth of the matter before that, if he could avenge his father and break the Fatui's influence over Mondstadt, he would be serving his homeland and family well.

If he could punish and absolve himself in the process, for being his father's killer, for shattering his remaining family. But that couldn't be too easy, could it?

The cat was an unexpected change to his plans - an unwelcome variable. She stopped Diluc's flames on its journey of destruction and put on him a different bifurcation he had to deal with first. Could she be considered a friend? Hardly. She was nothing more than a stray.

"You'll get lost in the snow," Diluc tied a simple red ribbon around her neck, foregoing a bell. If she followed while he tackled more enemies, a bell would become their demise. "Stick around or I can't find another home for you."

The cat meowed and slapped the ends of his jacket, clinging and dangling as he walked. Diluc let her do whatever she liked.

He knocked on several doors in the next township and asked if they wanted to adopt a cat. Snezhaya was cold but most locals were hearty and welcome people. They ushered him in but when he refused, offered packets of bread and pots filled with soup. Some wanted to pet the cat but she shrunk deep into his cloak. He found a lovely chubby lady who finally didn't alarm the feline as much and she promised to be good to her.

He'd booked an inn just there, a rare decision when it was such a risk. Diluc reasoned to himself that he needed to gather his findings and plan his next action while being secure. A bed after months of sleeping out felt too soft, the room too wide. Never mind the fact that his old bedroom back home was twice as bigger.

In the middle of the night, the cat bonked her head his window and called to him, nearly yeowling. The red ribbon glimmered dully under the moon's light.

------------------

Diluc had never had a cat before. As a child he'd liked picking up helpless birdlings that fell off their nests and lift them back to safety. He'd nursed the few that he couldn't find nests of. He'd looked after orphaned turtles and raised them before watching them crawl back into the water, and kept one as a pet that the cryo slimes insisted on attacking for some reason (they'd later found out that the turtle had accidentally come into contact with a Mist Flower and had a permanent little aura of elemental energy imbued on its shell).

The fact was Diluc had never tried to keep cats because cats ate birds and helpless creatures and as a child, he'd been determined to dislike them for that reason.

"You're strange," Diluc told the affectionate black bundle of terror who currently clung onto his trouser leg and sunk her needle-sharp teeth onto its folds. He shook his leg lightly and she swung back and forth, her grip vice-like. "Why me?"

The cat finally lost the match and tumbled to the ground. She rolled on the ground and immediately sprang back, swatting at his legs again. Diluc bent down to scratch on the back of her ears and she nipped on his finger lightly once before meowing as if in apology. A few more pets, and she was butting her head against him, purring like the engine of a pneumousia powered Fontaineau boat.

"I'm here because I'm killing people," Diluc murmured, watching the way the creature melted before him. "There's nothing safe about me."

The cat merely meowed again and blinked at him slowly.

-------------------

"Are you upset?"

He immediately wiped at his eyes and turned with a shaky smile. Kaeya's look was blank, a little curious. It was always so hard to understand what kind of look he wore.

"Papa says death is natural and we should be strong in the face of it," Diluc tried saying and rubbed away the dirt from his hands. "I was just giving Mr. Rock Candy a burial. But I'm fine! I'm a big boy now!"

Kaeya looked at the little mound he had made and the clumsy 'gravestone' made out of a stick and one flat rock. He still held no expression. "You're not very good at lying."

That stung and Diluc felt the childish temper rise in him. "I said I'm big now! I'm fine!"

Kaeya looked at him.

"I'm fine!" his eyes were burning. Fat tears slid down his face. "i'm...fine."

Mr. Rock Candy had passed away quite suddenly. It hadn't been long after Kaeya, this strange quiet boy who Diluc still felt awkward around, had joined their family. This strange quiet boy who laid a hand on his shoulder while he sobbed.

"I thought...I thought turtles were supposed to live for a hundred years."

-----------------

He woke up when he felt the incessant vibration right against his throat. Diluc turned slowly to realise the cat was curled in the space between his neck and the bed - purring as she slept. Idly, he raised a hand and rubbed off the crusted tears from the corner of his eyes, trying not to jostle the creature.

Two and a half years of him running away from Mondstadt. He hadn't changed much from the young boy that had cried for his pet turtle - unable to stomach loss, misplacing too much faith on absolute truths that didn't exist.

The cat gave out a rumbling little grunt and stretched against his face. Diluc rubbed a finger on her head and then felt the little itchy bump on his cheek. He sighed.

"I'll have to do something about your fleas."

He hung around extra in the market, buying food for the cat while waiting for his intel to reach him. It was a risk, a constant exposure and the cat was blissfully unaware, washing her paws while perched on his shoulder. He hadn't been able to raid more camps either, merely making a list of them without taking any action. There had to be other slower ways to deal with them than simply laying waste or infiltrating.

He ran a hand through his hair and watched the smudged black stain on the red fabric of his winter gloves. He needed a redye too.

"Mister!" he tensed at the voice, aghast at himself for not being more aware of his surroundings. It was a little girl, wide-eyed and awed. She was looking at the cat. "Is that a kitty on your shoulder?"

"Mm," Diluc got hold of the cat and held her towards the child. "Do you want her?"

The girl reached but then the little terror of a feline hissed and swiped a paw. The little girl began crying, the sound twisting in Diluc's chest.

"Lizzie!" her mother exclaimed and ushered her away, fixing a glare on Diluc as she went.

The cat wriggled in his hands, meowing. He let her go and the little terror rubbed onto his legs, meowing innocently. He sighed. "At this rate, you're going to end up utterly alone with no one liking you."

---------------------

It took him a whole half year to orchestrate. Diluc hated long-winded methods - he'd rather deal directly and gather answers. But then that cat clung to him and could throw his more direct interventions into jeopardy by giving him away.

He didn't think of the days of contemplation about just leaving her behind, let her back as a stray. It shouldn't have mattered to him - she was an unprecedented variable, she stood in his way. Abandonment would be safer. But Diluc had already abandoned so many people, such close companions. He was tired, guilty. He couldn't look the feline straight in her eyes.

It was challenging but not impossible to turn two Fatui factions against each other. They fell into chaos and destroyed their forces themselves. When the last ones began realising the foul play, Diluc quietly stepped in and let the chains do their work.

Plundering the bases for information after that was safer, if at least within a limited time frame. Still not enough, so much about Delusions and yet none about his father getting hold of the one he used. No vindication, no explanations - his father's mystery felt further away the deeper he dug in Snezhnaya. Diluc's frustration grew.

Was it that he'd tried to run from the past or was he clinging too hard to it?

He was still left without the answers he desired, still with the lump that filled his throat and the hollow rattling in his chest. The fire was both searing and burning not bright enough. Diluc was helpless and tired.

He walked back and found no sign of the cat.

Aimless. A gradual feeling of fear and loss rising. He walked in circles, lost and trying to find a sign. Where was she?

"My son...I'm sorry. I failed you"

"'Luc, I'm sorry...I lied."

"Where are you?" Diluc murmured to himself, looking around town. A few cats ran and yet there was no sight of that red ribbon. "Where did you go?"

"Turtles are supposed to live for hundred years..."

Cats are fickle creatures. Diluc closed his eyes, the lump making it hard to breathe. Had he been a fool again?

She meowed then, after what felt like an age

It was hard to tell time when all was just the haze of grief and numbness. Snezhnaya's cold was unforgiving, Diluc knew that. He knew if he waited for long enough it could take him. He didn't know yet if he wanted it to or not? But then again, perhaps such a decision had never been his to make.

She meowed then and bumped her soft head against his cheek. A sole touch of warmth and Diluc realised on then that he was so frozen that he could no longer feel. He'd forgotten that Delusions couldn't warm him up the way his Vision could. When he cracked his eyes open with effort, the cat blinked at him and meowed insistently thrice.

Where were you? he tried to tell her but the only sound he could make was a labored wheeze.

She meowed, thrice, before jumping off him and bounding away. In reflex, Diluc tried to rise after her. He couldn't move. Too weak. The lump in his throat was frozen solid.

Please...don't go...

He shut his eyes and lost track of time again.

--------------------

And when he awoke, it was to toasty blankets and a soft bed. His heart seized despite the slow trickle of consciousness.

"You're lucky to have a cat that is smart and cares for you," a voice said next to him and Diluc could only turn to look at him with immense effort. A doctor, by the looks of the garb he had on. There was a pyro vision clasped to his breast pocket. "Gave us a scare, that little thing, knocking so hard on the window. A wonder it chose our house too! I'm a doctor by profession."

"Where...she--" he croaked out and the doctor tutted.

"My wife's giving it a bath. Quite the flea problem it has! Take better care of your pets!" he said. Then he tutted again when Diluc tried to move. "Nuh uh, young man, stay put. You nearly died to hypothermia, you did! Thank the Archons that I have a Vision!"

And Diluc fell back on the bed. The lump was still there in his throat.

The doctor was a stern man and he made sure Diluc rested in the midst of all his restlessness.

It was strange to be in a safe house and be surrounded by the scent of rubbing alcohol instead of blood and smoke. It was strange to receive meals by the bed and have bandages changed every day. The doctor didn't question him about all his plethora of scars and wounds but did give him an earful for also ignoring the early signs of a few infections.

"Think of your cat!" he said. "Would you leave her alone to knock on every door in town for you?" And Diluc's eyes stung at those words.

He decided, all of a sudden, to return home.

--------------------

On the day he decided to leave, he did so quietly and in the dark of the night. He bundled up the cat in his jacket pocket and left the last bag of mora he'd managed to save behind for the doctor and his family.

He wasn't fully better yet, wheezing still and wracked with intermittent coughing. But it was dangerous to stay in one house for too long - for him and for the hosts.

The cat stayed nestled by his neck, and Diluc looked for means of transport that would take him away from the nation of eternal winter.

He received a letter while getting hold of space in a travelling merchant's caravan. The letter merely contained a singular feather of a dove with a red gauze tied around its stem. A warning. A Harbinger's symbol. He scoffed. They were lucky he was heading back already.

The coughing worsened over the journey. And by the time, he crossed Fontaine and into Sumeru, Diluc felt a fever burning beneath his skin. He was determined to reach home before it could take him. It would be unfair to the cat if he collapsed so close to the end of the journey.

Stupidly bullheaded was what Kaeya had often called him back when he'd still been a child. A trainee Knight. He'd always trained ten times harder than anyone else and always tried to hide injuries because having a Vision meant they usually healed faster than others.

When you're suffering you're supposed to rest.

But the truth was, when he suffered, Diluc didn't know how to feel anything apart from guilt for being weak. Perhaps he was broken, strange.

"You've stuck with me for so long," he told the cat hoarsely as they crossed the rainforest. The way through Avidya Forest opened to the path that led to Port Ormos. And he could get to Mondstadt from a ferry from there. "I still don't know why."

The cat, as always, merely meowed at him and blinked slowly.

The humidity worsened his fever however and no amount of swallowing down pills he'd received from the good doctor in Snezhnaya could keep it down. He swayed and collapsed, clung hard to the cat. Only a little further, he could rest in Gandharva Ville. And then go home. To Mondstadt.

It was the second time waking up in an unknown room, panic seizing him by the throat and a weakness that left him terrified and restlessness.

"I need to go home," he was vaguely aware he kept saying, still woozy and disoriented, unable to process the strange fox ears that wobbled in his vision. "To...Mondstadt. I need to go-- where's the cat? I can't leave her behind."

"Don't worry, we will send you home," the man? fox? reassured him. "But we need to treat you first. You're dangerously ill--"

"Please, where is she?" and he couldn't process the fact that he was sobbing. "She's...she's the only one who hasn't left me. Where is she? Has she left me?"

Diluc could only relax when the cat was placed on the bed beside him, her lovely Fontaineau boat purrs rumbling against his ribs. He fell unconscious then, and didn't know how long he stayed so.

---------------------

"Diluc," his father was speaking, smile gentle and hand heavy on his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, my son. I have hopes that you'll soar high and reach those heights I've always wanted to see."

Diluc clutched his new Vision and nodded eagerly. A first duty put on him, he wanted to do well and make his father even prouder. "Papa, I have a Vision now! I'll do everything you want me to!"

----------------------

"...suspect....pneumonia-- also signs of hypothermia...light gangrene on his fingertips--"

A sigh. Diluc stirred at the voices and cracked his eyes open. Two blurry figures talking - fox ears, one clad in blue.

"I didn't realise it was him, such an important figure," the voices were clearer now. "I wonder what he was doing, roaming around in the Avidya forest. If I hadn't been out on patrol..."

"Hm, yes, he'd been missing for over two years now," the other voice, the blue figure, was saying. Diluc realised he knew that voice. "I'm sorry I can't disclose details."

"Oh no, it's fine. I figured it would be a sensitive matter--" the fox eared man who'd been animatedly shaking his head, happened to turn and saw him awake. His face immediately brightened with a smile. "Oh! Master Diluc, you're awake finally!"

Diluc blinked wearily, saw the other person pause whatever he was doing and turn to him. One eye under an eyepatch, one eye wide with emotions flitting through them. They smoothened and relaxed with merely a blink. "Hey there."

"Kaeya..." Diluc managed to croak out. "Where--"

The fox eared man then waved a hand and began walking out of the hut. "I need to go prepare the medicines. I'll leave you both to catch up."

"You're in Gandharva Ville, the Head Forest Ranger Tighnari's house," Kaeya said. His hand moved in continued motions and it was then that Diluc realised that the cat, that little black terror, was seated on his lap looking extremely content and Kaeya was stroking her. "He found you collapsed in the forest three days back and sent a message to Mondstadt. I got here today."

The cat was a picky flightly little fellow and hardly let anyone else apart from Diluc himself get close. He stared some more at the cat and then at Kaeya still gently petting her. His throat felt too scratchy but he still... "She...let you."

"Hm?" Kaeya titled his head and looked down. "Oh yeah, she cuddled up to me immediately when I sat down. New pet of yours? Quite the friendly one."

Diluc weakly shook his head. Then he immediately felt exhausted by that action. "She...isn't really."

Kaeya chuckled in answer. "Then I guess my charms are really that irresistible."

It was hard to tell his thoughts - like back when Kaeya had still been that quiet strange boy who'd first joined their family. But Diluc looked at the strange cat and the strange man, sitting quietly just there and he wondered if there was anything there to read at all. He closed his eyes, overwhelmed and tired.

"Kaeya," it was hard to pretend there was no lump in his throat. "Why...are you...here?"

Kaeya looked at him with slight surprise and then a small rueful smile. "I thought it was quiet obvious?" he said. "I'm here to take you back home."

The cat stretched in his lap then and meowed.

End

[flashhwing]

me after taking two days to respond to an email: augh it's been four hours why haven't they responded!!!

[daftpatience]

how would one get into fountain pens and inks ?? i’ve never liked using those 50 pens for a dollar types and only used fountain pens at school . honestly i’d love if you infodump at me about your favs pens, inks and how the tiktoks only show those glass pens with the swirls that slowly drip off ink and not any love for pens that hold ink themself

yaa sure!! and firstly i wanna say the reason you see a lotta glass dip pens on tiktok is simply because they are pretty and people think they are cool. dip pens have a lot of neat benefits of their own! dont let the bad app make u bitter abt em! (for example dip pens let you use a muuch wider range of inks made out of pigments that a fountain pen couldn't handle!)

but i digress. getting into fountain pens usually starts with an affordable one! (or a fancy hand me down if you're lucky!) jetpens & gouletpens are good shops to find fountain pens, and you may be lucky enough to live near a stationery shop that carries them, who knows!

generally good pens to start with are cheap enough that you won't feel too bad if it doesn't turn out to be your favourite but still a smooth writer. they should feel good in the hand and be refillable (since we are talking about avoiding disposable pens! but disposable fountain pens do exist.) generally these pens are in the $10-$30 range, but some cheaper pens like the platinum preppy and jinhao shark will surprise you!

especially worth taking into account with starting to get into pens is the nib size and filling mechanism!

nib size:

fountain pens generally come in Extra Fine, Fine, Medium, Broad, and Double Broad nib sizes, although there are other fancy ones like stub, flex, cursive, and left handed ones. (i am left handed and don't use them, so don't worry too much about that if you are.)

generally western nibs run a little broader than Japanese nib sizes, so keep that in mind when choosing a pen!

personally i find that finer nibs are more useful for me drawing-wise, and i enjoy broader nibs for writing (especially since i tend to draw in black and write in pretty colours i want to see more of!) this just applies to me of course ^u^

filling mechanisms:

fountain pens can come with ink cartridges (sometimes universal and sometimes proprietary) which tend to be a good choice for folks that like mess-free easy ways to reink a pen even when you're out and about. they do limit your selection of inks, though!

cartridge pens can usually be converted to piston fill/squeeze fill pens with a compatible converter, and some even come with one by default (like the jinhao shark!) some fountain pens (like TWSBIs) have a piston fill mechanism integrated into the entire barrel. (they have a very big ink capacity!) these converters/pens allow you to use any fountain pen ink you like, and also help make pen cleaning easier as you can take up and flush out water with it.

another type of fountain pen is eyedropper fill - where the entire barrel is watertight and you simply fill it with ink via eyedropper (or god forbid just pouring the ink from the bottle into it lol) these kinds of filling mechanisms are a lot messier and are generally done at home since you might not wanna bring ink bottles and paper towels along wherever you go, especially if they're big. some pens can be converted to eyedropper fill by making the barrels watertight with silicone grease on the threads & plugging any breather holes.

fun fact! ink cartridges are much more popular in europe, and bottled inks are more popular in america. idk why!

in terms of my favourite fountain pens, i very much like the TWSBI ECO/ECO T, LAMY safari, platinum preppy/plaisir, kaweco sport, and jinhao shark! they're all great and come in lots of fun colours and i want more twsbis so bad aaa

ok this is getting long but lets talk about inks!! im dying to talk about inks can we talk about inks

i already went over the difference between pigment and dye based inks here, so let's talk about what to think of when choosing an ink and also some of my favs!!

picking out an ink for your pen should consist of at least 3 factors!

make sure you are looking for fountain pen ink! (drawing inks & dip pen inks will clog a fountain pen!)

what colour do you want!!! (as a tip, light colours look even lighter when reduced to the fine line of a pen, and can sometimes be rather disappointing or hard to see. stick to broader nibs for those!)

do you need it to be water and/or highlighter proof?

most online shops let you filter to find what you're looking for, and most irl shops have sample cards for you to look through (while they may not show you about the waterproof part, generally the people working there should be able to tell you about it! most of the shops ive been to are staffed by fellow enthusiasts!)

aside from that you really can go nuts! there are inks with shimmer, inks that are suuuper bold and solid, some that vary in shade (and hue!) and some that develop a metallic sheen around the edge!

as for my favourite inks, i really like these and heres why!

pilot iroshizuku: they have some REALLY pretty colours. plus the bottles are big and very pretty!

Diamine: these inks come in some absolutely luscious colours (and TONS of sparkly shimmery options) and are known for being very consistently good performers across all their colours.

sailor: these inks are fancy and preddy and smell good to me wehehe

j. herbin: they make a green i really like >:) and also are popular for being good inks im pretty sure!

special extra shoutout to ferris wheel press: i havent actually gotten an ink from them i truly love yet (ive only ever tried a sample set of pastels and i like my inks darker) but their bottles are truly to die for.

ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR COMING!! TO MY TED TALK!!! im fully info dumped out!!!! whee!