#long hair Janus my beloved

[fandombead]

Janus deserves all the pretty dresses, okay 💛

And we all deserve a little frog [prince] Patt 🩵

[moondeew]

drops this off then runs away

[sanderssidesthehouse]

omg hi can you do janus? he's my absolute favorite and I see you have thoughts

Janus my beloved.

(size of the circle indicates how much I vibed with it/how confident I was about saying yes)

Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking, "Ace why the fuck would you trust Janus?" Bc I love him, next question. No actually, I have reasons. Number one, he's competent, number two he's a giant dork and I'm annoying enough I'd be able to tell when he's telling the truth.

I feel like "Done dirty by fans" is pretty self explanatory. It used to be a minefield trying to find a fic with Janus in it where he was portrayed in character and not an "unsympathetic" villain.

Also, my dear wife Janus with the long hair is the physically hottest side, I am not taking concrit, you cannot change my mind. (Hey, hi, you walked into trans guy territory, if you can't draw the connection, I can' help you.)

My favorite thing about Janus is that he's a liar about being a liar. Not that he doesn't lie, but calling him 'Deceit' is a lie. Sure, he manages that function, but it doesn't have to be his position, if that makes sense. There are several other things he could be called, most of which don't have a negative connotation. I'm not positive his job is necessarily something else, like how Roman is also passion and the ego, but he's called Creativity, so Janus's main gig could very well be lying, but he could be called something else that denotes the purpose of lying, and considering the other things he's shown to manage, such as trying to get the others to STOP lying (looking mostly at you, Patton), lies don't always serve him and his purpose. Are we picking up what I'm putting down? I'm tired and this paragraph is long.

I wrote a post here about how my boy is tragic. Also here's my post about how much I love unreliable narrators which is supplementary to the previous paragraph. Janus is really primed to be a fav of mine. (Not beating out Logan but he's a close second.)

We don't have to go into why he's just like me fr I think that would be depressing on all counts and uncomfortable for everyone involved. Also we can ignore the "I would let them make me worse" category, he's probably the only side I'll check that off on, psychoanalyze me if you want to.

To finish out, I want to circle back around to Janus being lovable and trying so hard and being a massive dork. He's just a snake boy! He gets so frustrated with everyone being stupid, which, relatable, but he's still trying so hard to help them! He wants good things for Thomas which means helping sort these idiots out. I want to see him doing better. I want to see more of his Shrodinger's union with Patton and his exes energy with Virgil, bc I'm messy and I think it's fun. And can we please get a main line video where he and Remus interact? I need it for sick and evil reasons (kicking my feet while giggling).

As always, anyone and everyone can feel free to tag on with their thoughts!

[sablesides-writing-corner]

My Muse's Mirror (Pt.2)

-------------------------

The dread set in once Virgil realized it was nearly five in the morning and Roman still hadn't come in to tell him to go to bed.

It wasn't the kind of dread that made him think his beloved was dying of course, but it was dread nonetheless.

“Roman? Is everything ok? Are you just asleep?” Virgil whispered as he approached the main bedroom.

The racking chorus of coughs that followed was all the answer he needed.

“Right! Well- you are not going into work tomorrow- and I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight-” Virgil said, Roman only responded with a feeble thumbs up and another outburst of coughing.

It was going to be a long night.

Virgil plopped himself back down on the couch, mourning the loss of warmth at not sleeping in the same bed as his knight in shining bother, but safety was safety- he wasn't about to get himself sick and risk not being able to take care of Roman.

Roman still wasn't awake by the time Virgil tore himself up off the couch, electing to start the day with a completely normal and healthy 3 cups straight of coffee with extra extra sugar.

Then it was time to get started on The Soup.

The Soup, as Virgil remembered it, was a longtime ancestral recipe of his families, which was supposed to cure any sickness, and hey, it did its job on him when he was a kid, why not try it out now.

So Virgil got out the biggest cooking pot he could find, and got to work.

It was a long, grueling, sweaty few hours later when the thing was finally done, and the kitchen smelled so alarmingly of backyard herbs that Virgil wouldn't be surprised if the smell was still there by Christmas.

And, just in time, he heard the dismayed groaning of Roman finally waking up from what Virgil could probably only describe as a brief coma.

“Alright big guy- I've got something that might help” Virgil said as he finished ladelling some of The Soup into a bowl.

“I feel like I got hit by like. Six buses.” was all Roman could manage to get out.

“Summer sickness'll do that to you- now eat up before I start spooning it in for you,” Virgil said with a laugh. Once he was sure Roman would finish the food on his own he went back to the kitchen to get the rest of The Soup into a suitable container.

He also took it upon himself to call into Roman's work to confirm his sick day- or days, if necessary- and muttered a silent prayer that it was his nice coworker that answered the phone this time.

Then it was time for the dreaded family phone call.

“Where is my ailing baby brother! I've got presents!” Remus called as he burst through the door.

“Remus that was locked,” said Virgil in exasperation.

“Oh- well! It's probably not broken!” Responded the man, ruffling Virgil's hair- as if it wasn't messy enough already from the humidity in the kitchen.

“He's still moping around in bed, hasn't gotten up pretty much all day,” Virgil answered Remus’ earlier question.

“Shouldn't be contagious- seems like it's just a cold so we're hoping it'll go away soon,” Virgil said, pulling out his drawing tablet while Remus had his little visiting hour with his brother.

It was a few hours before Remus left, and Virgil felt like his social battery was almost completely worn out.

“You know, you could still go to the carnival without me- if it's still in town,” Roman said in a raspy tone from the bedroom.

“I mean what else am I gonna do? Buy more jewelry?” Virgil said.

“I mean it! I think it'd be fun to hang out on your own for a bit- or invite Janus or something-” Roman continued, he seemed. . . Urgent. . . About it, almost weirdly so.

“I- alright- alright fine- I'll just- call Janus I guess-” Virgil said, pulling out his cellphone.

“So. . . Where did you say this carnival was? I thought it was open till the end of next month?” Janus said, looking around confused at the very much empty lot.

“Well. I can say it was here yesterday because I have picture- maybe something happened and they had to-” Virgil paused for a second as something glinted in the corner of his eye. He took a few steps towards whatever it was, and found a pendant lying on the ground, a spider holding a large purple gem hanging off of the chain.

“This that necklace you were going on about?” Janus asked, Virgil nodded, eyes still transfixed on the jewelry.

“Well, they left it here, their loss I guess- shall we?” Janus asked.

Virgil still didn't respond. Something about the necklace was. . . Familiar. . . He just wasn't entirely sure what.

“Virgil. . . Virgil. . . Virgil!” Virgil was finally jolted back into realty by the sound of his cousin's yelling in the background.

“Oh! Uh- sorry- got uh- distracted-” Virgil responded, Janus looked bemused.

“Let's- let's just get home ok? I think you've got a stuffy nosed prince to be looking after, hm?”

“I uh- yeah. . . Yeah. . .”

He'd worry about the necklace later, after he washed it off thoroughly.

Roman still wasn't any better when he got home, which was expected- Virgil hadn't thought he'd cured him, but he'd at least expected him to get a little better.

But he'd been wrong- in fact Roman almost seemed to have gotten worse. . .

“Goodnight hun,” Virgil said as he left the bathroom to go lay down on the couch.

He stared at the necklace in his hands for a long time, turning it over in his palms, running his thumb along the purple gem in the center.

He knew this necklace from somewhere. . . He just couldn't remember. And that was very, very inconvenient.

He set the pendant down on the table next to the couch and decided to leave the pondering for tomorrow, worrying about it now wouldn't do him any good, probably. . .

[chillykitty]

Sander Sides vampire & werewolves au >:3

twas on my list of things to do for art fight but didnt get to until teams were announced and i like had to (especially cause im team werewolf with a handful of vampire/vampire like OCs and no werewolves)

artfight

uhh story stuff below cut

Loceit, prinxiety, & intruality

Characters/story:

Janus - mentally/physically 26-27ish - turned in the 1900s/1910s as a child - was gifted a Victorian house from his adopted vampire family that he now lives in as a bit of a recluse. He allowed Virgil to stay after he was turned and together they keep up the act of being Normal Humans. He allows a werewolf pack to rent part of the property since it has a large yard and forest that he doesn't use. It's only because he has no use for the land and he thinks the supposed rivalry between vampires and werewolves that some like to play up is absurd. it has nothing to do with how charming he thinks one of the wolves is, nothing at all. (I do realize it's dumb as hell to make Janus a landlord but 'rent' is usually 'buy me dinner' or 'be my chess opponent, Virgil keeps refusing to be'). He’s got a port wine stain birthmark.

Virgil - mentally/physically 25 - turned in the early 00's as a teenager - he was attacked by a rogue vampire and struggled to adjust until he met Janus, and then continued to struggle to adjust, but he eventually learned to appreciate that turning got him a friend, which is more than what he used to have. Never outgrew his emo phase and never will.

Ember - Mentally/physically 28 - actually a couple hundred - Janus' adoptive sister, she lives a while away but likes visiting her baby brother. She acts like she's way older than Janus but as far as vampires go she's not that much older. Has a light hearted rivalry going on with Roman and Virgil, her rivalry with Roman is over the top silly and dramatic, her rivalry with Virgil is casually flipping each other off as a greeting. she's albino, dyes her hair for goth reasons, and you decide if her brows are dyed/colored in/shaved and drawn on. her eyes do that thing some albino ppls eyes do where it look red/purple in some lightning when its actually blue, moreso than normal because vampire red tint (she is the dragon witch. dragon witch my beloved)

Roman - mentally/physically 24 - just turned - himbo <3 he was dating Virgil, and it had just been long enough that Virgil was actually going to make it serious and tell Roman about his vampire-ness, though he kept getting nervous and putting it off. Something (car crash? Mugging? idk??) happens and leaves Roman mortally wounded and Virgil is certain that Roman won’t live long enough for an ambulance to arrive so he turns him and then feels awful about turning someone without their permission. Roman adjusts as best he can and forces himself not to dwell because he understands why Virgil did it and frankly he would've done the same if roles were reversed. But if he does think about it too long he dreads the fact that he might outlive his twin. His shirt is Totally Not Bunnicula cause i think its funny

Logan - mentally/physically 25, actually 30 - Born a werewolf - he met Janus by happenstance and when he brought up him and his cousin were looking for a place to live, Janus offered up his yard and Logan had insisted on compensating him for it. Neither Janus or Logan are truly in denial about their feelings for each other but they don’t really discuss it and mildly dodge questions when asked even though it’s like very clear they like each other. They definitely are dating but I don't think they've had a non-emotionally constipated conversation about this. Patton - mentally/physically 25, actually 25 - born a werewolf - when he was young most of his cousins and siblings found him annoying, they were never outright mean, but usually didn’t seem to want to include him, Patton could never be sure if they were actually being nice or if they just didnt want to get in trouble with their parents. His cousin, Logan tolerated him fine though, clearly stating when he was doing something that bothered him and worked through a compromise (autistic besties using direct communication ftw). So Patton would always spend all his time following Logan around at extended pack gatherings. When he got a bit older, he got more confident in his socializing and stopped caring so much about what others thought, his love for pups often made him a defacto babysitter which he didn’t mind, but he was still always closest with Logan. It was only natural that they’d move out as a pack together.

Remus - mentally/physically 24 - just turned - Remus was smart and also stupid.. Smart enough to realize something was off about his brother and stupid enough to not write off the impossible, good thing too, because he was right. He was already suspicious but got his confirmation when he literally walked in on his brother drinking some drunk person’s blood. He of course helped hide the (still very alive, just passed out) body before really asking questions, but when he did ask questions, he kept insisting until he got the basic gist. Including that his brother would outlive him. Naturally he asks to be turned right there and then but all 3 vampires repeatedly refuse. He doesn’t let it go though and when he finds out there are two immortal werewolves who could turn him living in the backyard, he doesnt think twice to find them and ask them. Patton is weak for sob stories so he (with Logan’s begrudging approval) turns Remus and Remus joins their pack.

Worldbuilding: 

werewolf packs are like little groups that live together, made up of actual bio families, close friend group and/or polycules, sometimes a mix of those 3, sometimes not. Werewolf vibes idk. Extended packs are any packs that are any degree biologically connected, which means they get massive. (like a unrelated pack of 3 each have the packs they came from, which then come with packs of their cousins/piblings/grandparents/ect which then come with more packs of cousins/piblings/grandparents/ect from the other side of the family and so on)

vampires and werewolves are functionally immortal, people born as or turned into vampires and werewolves before the age of 25 keep aging as normal until then, and then it slows down significantly, pretty much no one knows how long their lifespan is because they get killed or die from something else long before they make it to old age. They're resistant to being killed but it can happen (see cliche vamp/were killing methods. Crosses don't do anything to them tho.)

Werewolves find it easier to stay as wolves around the time of the full moon and as humans around the time of the new moon, and are often lethargic when trying to go against this. They will typically start to wolf out at any strong emotion, while they can resist this (though it's harder near a full moon) plenty of werewolves (Patton+Remus) just let it happen and deal with getting tangled in their clothing as dogs. (Remus, of course, doesn't care if he's seen nude after shifting but most wolves shift back to human in privacy and try to keep clothes nearby. In werewolf only areas it's p common to half strip and shift, but that's about it)

Vampires' eyes have a red tint to them but not enough to be pointed out by mortals as they'd think it's a trick of the light (insert something scifi-y about reflecting off of blood vessels here)

Both are naturally very protective/possessive(though not toxically so, unless they're like, bad people) but werewolves are extremely social creatures and go into instinct mode when they get too worried about someone in their pack/they consider to be their pack, so much so that they might unreasonably lash out at another packmate because they don't want anyone to touch the one they're worried about. (angst angst angst)

Vampires struggle to control themselves around blood. They can and should eat normal food sometimes but actually need blood frequently to live, can make it a long while on animal blood but still need a human's every so often.

[t4t-apexeclipse]

logan has long hair because unicorn kin maybes it’s also dyed a pastel color or something.

i know he’s shy about it because he thinks it’ll make him childish, but i like to think once he realizes it’s okay and being a therian doesn’t mean he won’t be taken seriously he would embrace it. seeing his friends be themselves helps him a lot

LOGAN WITH LONG HAIR MY BELOVED <3333 i imagine she also wears wigs, and maybe he keeps her hair natural for work and has a dozen pastel wigs

logan is soooo insecure initially </3 he’s more comfortable talking about being crowkin and octopuskin but her main kintype is unicorn, and it’s harder to talk about that one without feeling vulnerable, due to the perceived childish nature of unicorns. the others (janus in particular) being so openly themselves definitely helps <333

[noelle666]

WH40k Rogue Trader OC - Noelle von Valancius

So, let's continue with my OCs for Rogue Trader. Now allow me to introduce you Noelle, my first RT. Again, she and Maarden exist together in my headcanon.

As with Maarden, I may add new thoughts about her from time to time.

Name: Noelle

Sex: Female

Age: 29

Ideoligy: Iconoclast

Occupation: Ecclesiarchy/ Adeptus Ministorum Priestess

Homeworld: Hive World

Appearance: 158 cm tall, long burgundy hair, blue eyes, one augmentation on the left side of her head

Facts:

Noelle is humble, soft-spoken, very polite and sometimes shy person. She doesn't like to be the center of attention but tries her best since the day she became lord-captain.

She dislikes Lord Captain's quarters very much. As a person who lived in a humble apartment, she finds her "new home" too big, too pretentious with lots of unnesessary items. This large space feels too "dead", too lonely. At the same time she also doesn't like crowded places. Choosing between two evils, she prefers to stay at the deck as long as possible, so sometimes Abelard has to remind his Lord Captain the time is late and she needs a proper rest.

Noelle has a good memory on faces, but she needs time to remember names. Although if she found a person interesting there is no problem to make some sort of connection "face-name", so there is no need of reminding.

Her credo is: "Help people in need, save as many lives as you can. If it is not possible, ease pain and spare last moments from agony and fear. Be merciful and forgiving". Hence she decided to save people on Rykad Minoris and not execute Exterminatus, to not throw eldar from Janus, to allow Marazhai to join her crew, ect.

As it was mentioned, although she is soft-spoken, humble and looks very harmless, she can be very passionate if someone needs help. She was ready to start a long dispute with Heinrix about her decision on Rykad Minoris explaining why saving lives is important, even understanding that her speech filled with emotions would fail against interrogator's logic.

Noelle likes to look at people, to study their appearance, but does it very cautiously. In case of van Calox, he always "feels" her gaze on him and stares back at her almost immediately. Probably, it felt like a game between them. At first she tried to avert her eyes to not be caught, but after some time and when the two of them established close relashionships, Noelle started to wait for response, and every time Heinrix was ready to give her a subtle smile, looking into her eyes from a distance for a moment.

Noelle blushes every time when Heinrix kisses her hands and fingers (the blush is light but the interrogator notices it anyway, although says nothing). She finds this gesture very intimate and gentle.

The priestess has a "special ability": if she needs Heinrix to be focused on her she puts her hands on his cheeks. She uses this technic when she wants to calm the interrogator down if he is either angry at xenos in Noelle's retinue or if he is nervous for whatever reason, etc. This gesture works every single time.

Noelle cannot call her feelings towards Heinrix "a love from a first sight" but he, for sure, caught her attention in the Electrodynamic Cenobium when they first met and after that he struck her with his manners. She felt a little bit nervous at first (not because Heinrix is a member of the Inquisition but because he looked like a mountain or an iceberg - not completely cold, but very strickt, confident and impenetrable) but some time after, the presence of van Calox made her feel somewhat peaceful as if he was unconsciously guarding her.

She loves Heinrix's voice and would listen for him talking about whatever things he desires even though she may understand nothing. While some people find his tone emotionless, Noelle learnt to distinguish differents notes in her beloved's speech.

Even though Heinrix taught the priestess how to play regicide, Noelle struggles to play it. She understands the mechanics of each figure, she knows all actions (she wrote all the information down during training with the interrogator), but her weak point is tactics. She loses everytime they play together. Heinrix finds it amusing and tries to help her with analogies: Noelle has a "feeling" on how to act during space battles, so he asks her to "imagine the board is a battlefield, your figures are Imperuim ships and mine are xenos' ships". It helps a little bit, but still Noelle needs a lot of practice. On the other hand, regicide mostly is just an excuse to spend time together talking about different things.

Noelle has a little problem: sometimes, when she acts fast and desperately, mostly in a stressful situation, even if her action was right, she overthinks the whole situation for a very long time (because, as it was said above, her actions are mostly based on emotions and feelings). It happens pretty rarely though, but the imprint may still be strong. For example, after her heart and all her being commanded her to kiss Heinrix on the day of Magnae Accesio ceremony, she felt a fantom warmth of his lips on hers, a confident yet gentle grab of his stong hands on her waist and back of her head for at least two weeks. She replayed this picture in her head in the daytime and saw it in her dreams at night.

The priestess has a small amount of cosmetic products and prefers to use neutral or nude shades. She only uses eyeshadows, mascara, brow pencil (very lightly) and lipstick or lip balm to make her lips a little glossy (mostly she uses lip balms only). Noelle can use a little bit of glittered eyeshadows for ceremonies and meetings. So her makeup routine takes about five minutes at most.

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

Wounded Even By Happiness CH.1

Masterpost (Trigger warnings are in the Masterpost)

Next Chapter

Roman stares at himself in the mirror as his makeup and hair are worked on. He has to go on stage in an hour and 30 minutes. This was his first major festival he has been invited to. He’s honestly impressed that Logan even managed to get him this job.

Roman got his first ever acting job when he was 7 years old. He was a child actor in a commercial for a toy car. His first big acting job was his role in a beloved kid show when he was 11. He was put into modeling at the age of 16. He most recently got into singing, two years ago when he was 21.

No one so new to singing has ever been allowed to perform at a festival as prestigious as the Dragon Heart Festival. Most that are asked to attend are veterans in the industry. Those who have been at it for years and have managed to retain popularity. The fact that Roman is listed as a performing artist is revolutionary. The day his appearance was confirmed, news outlets and music lovers around the world went crazy.

Yet, if he was being honest Roman wasn’t too shocked at the news. Roman won’t deny that he was born with privilege. His family name has long been intertwined with the entertainment industry. While his start with acting was slow, his introduction to modeling was a breeze. He quickly got large gigs and participated in exclusive events. His family name immediately catapulted his career. So, Roman wasn't too shocked that his name got him a spot at the Dragon Heart Festival.

Roman looks over at the door as he hears a knock. Keeping his face expressionless as his fiance walks into the room.

Virgil smiles shakily as he walks over to Roman with a bouquet of flowers, “Hi, babe. Are you almost done getting ready?”

“Yup,” Roman answers in a monotone tone as he stands up after his makeup is done, “What are you doing back here? Aren’t you supposed to be outside with your friends?”

There’s a second of silence before Virgil sighs, “I just wanted to come and support you before you perform. This is a big event and a huge step for your career. I want to show that I’m proud of you and happy for you.”

Roman walks past VIrgil as he goes to his headset checked and put on, “Right. Well, thank you. Now, can you please go back outside? I need to finish getting ready.”

“Yeah, sure. But um,” Virgil smiles nervously as he blushes lightly, “Can I give you a kiss before I leave? And give you the flowers I got you?”

Roman holds back a sigh as he starts walking to the door, “Leave the flowers on the vanity. As for the kiss, no you can’t. You’ll mess up my makeup and I won’t have time to fix it before I go on stage.”

The tension in the air rises. This dismissal of love and affection wasn’t anything new in Roman and Virgil’s relationship. It’s been like this for over a year. Yet, the rejections never got easier for Virgil. He wishes things could go back to how they used to be back when they first fell in love.

“Hey Vee, come here real quick!”

Virgil turned around to look over at who was calling him, “Coming!”

He walks over, stopping in front of his friend. He sees a stranger next to his friend. A tall guy with long jet black hair, chocolate colored eyes, and tan skin. Even with a hoodie one, it was still easy to see that he was fit. Virgil noted how attractive the stranger was.

“What do you need Jan?” He asks, even though he knew that he was about to get introduced to the stranger.

Janus smiles, ‘I want you to meet Roman.”

Virgil can’t help but raise a brow in amusement, “Roman? As in, the guy you’ve been telling me about for like weeks now?”

The two of them blush deeply.

“You weren’t supposed to say that in front of him, Virge!” Janus mumbled in an embarrassed tone before clearing his throat, “Yes, that Roman.”

Virgil smiles and holds out his hand for a handshake, “Well nice to finally meet you Roman. I’m Virgil.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Roman says with his own smile as he shakes Virgil’s hand.

Virgil couldn’t have imagined how much that simple interaction could’ve changed his life. One second he was every other average 16 year old and the next he was friends with a famous actor and upcoming model. Then two years later, he was dating said person. It seemed almost like a fairytale. And for the first few years of their relationship, it was just that. A perfect love story.

Virgil couldn’t have imagined how something so perfect could’ve rotted the way it did, changing his life once again.

“Why do you have to be like this?” Virgil finally breaks his silence after a minute, gripping the bouquet in his hand tightly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right,” Virgil scoffs, “Whatever. You’re impossible to talk to. How hard is it to just show a little bit of interest? I’m trying to do something nice for you and be a supportive fiance and you just blow me off like always.”

Roman rolls his eyes as he opens the door, not bothering to face his lover, “Are you done? I need to go talk to the stage manager.”

Virgil throws the flowers onto the vanity, “Yeah, I’m done,” He walks out of the room, pushing past Roman.

Roman watches him go with a sigh. He closes the door behind him and starts walking backstage. As he walks, he tries to clear his head and focus on the job he is here to do. Letting his personal life disappear and his public persona take control. Ready to get the job done. Just like he does every day.

[wish-i-wasnt-a-coward]

Before and After

A/n: I am so sorry for my inactivity. There is just so much right now! Another work that I am not 1000% happy with but its been sitting for to long so its goin out! Thank you @edupunkn00b for the suggestion, you’re one of my favorite writers so I hope you like it <33333

Pairings: Intuloceit (my beloved)

Warnings: curseing, slight innuendo, food, alcohol mention, drunk minor character, and weird formatting :/ (let me know if I missed anything

Word count: 827 (almost as short as my friends)

————————————————————-

The lens fazed in and out of focus before settling on a clear shot of the hall.

Blue, yellow, and green flowers lined the isle. The empty black folding chairs all pointed towards an elevated surface bearing an altar adorned with flowers and ribbons.

“Patton?” a voice called from off-screen. “Yeah, Lo,” Patton called back.

“Mom wants to know where she should put Remus and Janus’ flowers before they get here” Logan, wearing a blue tuxedo holding three bouquets, asked, stepping into frame.

“I don’t know, Roman and Virgil will be heading over to get them so-”

The footage cut off and changed to the floral pattern of someone's shirt. After a minute the shirt wearer moved and the hall returned in view.

Logan stood next to his brother at the altar nervously clutching a green and yellow bouquet. Patton nudged him and smiled.

Janus, in a yellow suit holding green and blue flowers, was halfway up the aisle on the left. He was accompanied by Virgil, wearing a purple dress and holding his arm with a sad smile.

The two stared at each other with heart eyes before Remus appeared from the right, wearing a green dress and holding blue and yellow flowers.

His brother, in red, stood next to him but had chosen not to hold his hand.

They all looked so incredibly in love.

The person marrying them cleared their throat, floral shirt stepped in front of the camera again and the footage changed.

The after-party was decorated in blacks, whites, and grays.

Logan, Janus, and Remus, now newlyweds, stepped onto the dance floor holding hands. With Janus sandwiched between Remus and Logan they began the first dance.

No children by the mountain goats played behind them. (the song I want at my wedding lol)

Remus, ever entertained, started laughing, Janus and Logan tried to contain their laughter but quickly succumbed to the giggles. The dancing stopped and the grooms caught their breath.

Janus grabbed Logan's hand and spun him as the chorus began.

The footage changed.

A drunk Virgill stood on a platform.

Janus sat just on screen, his face a bright red. “-and that is how Remus and Janus met. Janus didn’t want me to tell that story, but it's his wedding, I get to be mean” Virgil lifted his glass, “to a good beginning and an even better end”

Off-screen, Remus whooped as the crowd toasted them. Roman stepped onto the platform.

“Well that was an interesting story Virgil will most definitely regret telling later” the crowded chuckled, “But moving on, Congrats Remus, you have officially beat me at getting married”

“Hell yeah, I did!” Remus yelled from offscreen. Roman rolled his eyes, “yeah he’s gonna hold that over me until the day I die”

“Well got on proposing to emo-man and I might not” Roman turned bright red, “Remus!”

The footage changed.

Logan stood with an evil grin and a fist full of cake.

Remus was covered in cake and had taken to licking it off his dress. Janus was trying to stay cleaner, dodging the chunks of cake launched at him from both his partners.

“aaAAGG” Logan cried, the camera swiveled back to him. A cupcake had been squished into his hair, Patton stood behind him with an innocent smile and icing on his hands.

Logan grabbed a fistful of cake and smeared it on Patton’s face.

Patton squealed and the footage changed.

“-mus put me down this is highly un- REMUS” Remus burst out of the front door carrying Logan bridal style. Janus trailed behind laughing so hard tears streamed down his face.

He threw Logan into the car, gesturing for Janus to hurry up, and slammed the door behind them.

The screen went dark.

Remy stared at the black square with wide eyes, “That was what your wedding was like”

Logan nodded, “yes, it was… a lot of fun,” he said with a smile.

Janus snorted, “that’s one way of putting it. I’m just glad we didn’t get Virgil’s speech on record. I might have died”

Their ten year old son wiped around, “well now I got to know.” Logan laughed, “you don’t have to know anything. I’m going to go get dinner started, help me ‘mus?”

Remus hopped up from his seat on top of Janus, “yep!” and in a stage whisper he said, “I’ll tell you about it later”

“You most certainly will not!!!” Janus cried racing after his husbands, “and I won't let Virgil tell him either”

Remy stared after his parents, even after 13 years of marriage they still looked at each other with as much love as they did on their wedding day… and as much annoyance.

He wanted his wedding to go the same way.

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

With You All the Way ch. 1

Summary: welcome to my new prinxiety au! Virgil fights with his brain over his identity

Taglist: @sanderdarksides @moons-the-nightmare @heirm @lost-in-thought-20 @1stressedanddepressed @xoaningout @lily-janus @jervis-tetch-my-beloved @thebittybonesaddict @just-a-little-anxious @parksthefrog @randomacnhfan (ask if you want to be added)

Thank you to @lost-in-thought-20 for coming up with this amazing title!

Word count: 1486

TWs: cognitive distortions, anxiety, transphobia (not really but Virgil is over thinking)

Ao3

I’m Virgil Salem. Or at least I want to be Virgil Salem but no one knows that yet. As of right now, I’m Violet Salem. I’ve never liked that name and that name has certainly never liked me. I’m haven’t come out as trans to anyone yet, not even my boyfriend. I want to tell everyone I know that I am using he/him pronouns and changing my name but anxiety gets in the way. There is just too much unknown.

Will they judge me? Or even accept me? Do they hate trans people? Will they even believe I’m trans? What if I’m faking and I’m just your average whining girl who is desperately trying to claim she isn’t like other girls?

What if the name I choose is stupid? Are my friends going to walk away? What if I become the laughing stock of the school for being a wanna-be boy?

And then there’s Roman. He is the head of the theater department, lead in every single show. His voice sounds like angels and he is the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. He is perfect in almost every single way. A guy like him never had to deal with dilemmas like these. His identity is already figured out and he is confident as hell about it. That’s one of the things I love about him, he knows who he is and isn’t afraid to show it. That makes one of us. I want to be more like Roman one day. I guess I’m not as straight as I lead myself to believe. But Roman is dating me because I’m a girl. What if he dumps me since he isn’t gay? And there is his reputation… what would the school say about Roman dating another guy that tricked him to believe he is a girl?

Now I’m just being selfish. Roman is the best person that has ever walked into my life and I’m thinking about ruining that by telling him I’m a boy. The kids at my school at right, maybe if I thought more about others I would have more friends.

I sigh and push my long hair out of my face. Too long, too feminine. The thought of having a short masculine haircut is appealing but the fear of what-ifs keeps me from cutting it. My mom loves my long hair. She is always braiding it and telling me how beautiful I look with long hair. What kind of person would I be to take that away from her? My mom doesn’t have many people left, I would be a horrible person to take away her precious daughter.

It’s getting late. I should probably head to sleep before I spend another hour contemplating my identity and how or even if I will come out. But then again, what is one more hour? I couldn’t get my mind to stop racing even if I tried. Showing up to the first day of school like a zombie would not be new for me. People always say “Good sleep schedule equals a good life.” Well, I call bullshit on that. It’s probably true but I will never get enough to find out. My brain could keep me up for days if it tried. There is always a new situation to be anxious over. The only time my brain will stop racing is when I’m dead. And if the expanded life cycles are correct I probably got another 70 to 80 years until I have a quiet brain.

I glance at my clock. Dammit, 12 am already. Only 6 and a half hours but I have to get up for school. Time really ticks by fast yet but slowly when you are overthinking literally every single fucking thing that could ever go wrong at any moment. It’s tiring yet it keeps me awake.

Great, this just adds to the growing pile of things I am anxious about. I’m starting 11th grade in eight hours, my gender isn’t as cis as I thought, my sexuality isn’t as straight, and I have no clue how anyone will react to this. I guess it’s time to save goodbye to my easy life. Things have gotten so much more complicated. I blame my brain for suggesting I didn’t have to be a girl. Maybe I could have been normal but no.

Everyone’s going to hate you, Virgil.

I know. I know. Shut up!

You are living a lie. No matter what you are screwed.

Can’t you stop for like one day? I already know I’m screwed. This isn’t exactly no information. But how the hell am I living a lie.

If you don’t come out to anyone, you are falsely letting them believe you are someone who you are not. That is probably a federal crime somewhere. But if you tell them, you have to deal with the guilt of lying to your friends for so many years.

Oh no. I have been lying to all of them. A federal crime? This isn’t that serious, it is? So basically, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Absolutely fantastic. No matter what I do, I’m going to start this year with everyone hating me.

Might as well get liar tattooed on your forehead.

One fucking second of peace and quiet is all I ask.

I am your brain. Any noise you hear is the emotional turmoil running through you. This again with the blaming other people. You are causing yourself to stress out, not anyone else.

Why are brains so annoying? I slam my head down onto my desk in a huff. Maybe I’ll pass out from this. There’s a better chance of that than actually falling asleep. A nice concussion would be good right about now. I wouldn’t have to deal with school then.

Footsteps shuffle in the hall and stop at my door. A quiet knock, two knocks, three knocks echo to my ears, “Violet, sweetie. Are you alright? I heard a bang?”

Hearing my actual name is painful. I can’t blame people for using it if I never said otherwise but I still hate it.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.

“I’m fine, mom.” Maybe she will believe me and walk away.

“Oh, alright.” She says but stays at my door, “Can I come in? I know it’s a big day tomorrow and you are probably anxious.”

I don’t have a choice, do I? “Fine. You can come in.” She smiles as she slowly opens the door.

Dammed if you do. Damned if you don’t. My brain sings at me in a taunting way.

“Violet. It is very late. You know you shouldn’t be up this late on a school night. We need to adjust you back to a normal sleep schedule, baby girl.” She pulls the hair out of my face and ties it into a neat ponytail. It hurts, physically hurts. Between the hair and the nicknames, I hate it. But pretending everything is fine will get her to leave faster.

“I’m just a bit anxious for the start of school.” A fake smile can get you pretty far in life. Well, that’s what my mom told me. It seems like pretty shitty advice to tell a sixteen-year-old.

“Oh don’t worry, sweetheart. We go through this every year and it always turns out fine. You are just stressing yourself out and need to take a breath.” Her smile is warm and welcoming, but it seems fake. The nicest is only skin deep, “Just remember you are my strong girl and can accomplish anything you set your mind to. This year isn’t different than any other year. You’ll be fine.” Her words sound sincere but her tone destroys me. This year is going to be very different than any other year. Every other year I was your pretty little princess but not anymore.

Your mom really loves her little girl. Too bad that isn’t really you. Would you even be worth her love if you weren’t a girl?

I don’t know. “I know, mom.” My mom nudges me until I climb into bed and she tucks me in. On her way out she shuts off the lights and closes the door almost all the way.

“Sleep well my pride and joy. Don’t let your brain keep you up too long.” Without another word her footsteps fade down the hall. Like she knows anything about my brain.

I close my heavy eyes and start to drift into a peaceful sleep. That was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell. I never have a peaceful sleep. Just anxiety, nightmares, and overthinking. Tonight isn’t going to be any different than any of the other nights. Just like this year will suck like every other school year. But with more losing friends due to you lying about your gender for years, years, and so many more years.

[lily-janus]

Isn't It Love?

Summary: Janus tells his story about how he found out he was a-spec.

Characters: Janus focused, other sides mentioned towards the end.

Warnings: kissing and implied attempt at sex. Pretty sure that's it.

Word count: 1,560

Ahhhh so excited for this week I've been waiting for so long!! This is going to be kind of a multi chaptered fic in a sort if weird anthology format, each side will tell their story each day, starting with my top kin, Janus! Enjoy!

@aro-sides-week day 1 discovery

......

“Hey um… Jan?” Cedric whispered in his ear as they cuddled together on the couch, watching a movie lazily.

“What is it dear?” Janus asked offhandedly, mostly focused on the movie, so much family drama, Janus has always been a sucker for those.

Cedric sighed, puasing the movie and sitting up, causing Janus to shiver slightly at the loss of his warmth pressed against his back. Curiously, Janus set up as well, turning to look his boyfriend in the eye.

Cedric smiled softly as he tucked a strand of hair behind Janus’ ear. “Gosh you’re so beautiful.” He said reverently.

Janus bit his lip, trying not to squirm uncomfortably at the gesture. He knows that’s what couples do, he’s supposed to like it, he will eventually, he loves Cedric. Janus smirked. “Was that so important that you had to stop the movie in the middle of the best part?” He asked and Cedric chuckeld.

“No, I wanted to talk to you about something, I was just distracted by your looks.” He explained.

“Can’t say I blame you.” Cedric chuckled again.

“Listen, I’m totally up for waiting for you to feel ready and comfortable with this for as long as you need.” He began, taking one of Janus’ hands and rubbing it gently. “But I just want to check since… well, it’s been more than a month.” He took a deep breath. “Can I kiss you?”

Janus nearly choked on his own spit, staring at Cedric with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. “I… I don’t… I’ve never…”

“I know, Janus, I know. Like I said, we can wait, there’s no rush okay? I just wanted to check cause, well, your lips are… Very tempting.” Cedric blushed slightly. He tried for a dramatic sigh. “But alas, looks like I’m just going to have to keep fantasizing about them, about the cute little gasp you’ll make from feeling your first kiss, the way your body will practically melt in my arms…” He recounted wistfully. “The wait will just make it feel all the more worth it.”

Janus did squirm at that, unable to shake the deep feeling of ‘wrongness’ of thinking of himself in these scenarios. But he loves Cedric, he does. Surely it feels wrong purely from his inexperience on the matter. Maybe timing isn’t the problem, he should just try it already so he’ll know how it feels. After all, everyone, including his beloved Cedric, says it feels amazing, so how bad can it be?

“...Yes.” He finally managed. Now it was Cedric’s turn to stare.

“What?”

“Yes, you can… You can kiss me.” Janus said, his stomach churning uncomfortably at the prospect. Cedric eyed him.

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind waiting, I won’t enjoy it if you won’t.” Cedric hesitated.

Janus swallowed and then nodded. “I’m sure.”

At the reassurance, Cedric smiled, hand immediately reaching out to cup his cheek. Slowly, he leaned closer and closer until their lips connected in a quick peck, Cedric pausing for any signs that might indicate Janus not liking it.

Janus felt… Well he felt nothing. None of the immediate pleasure everyone keeps talking about and that he read about in countless books, and no disgust either, like he feared he might feel. Just… Nothing. Is that… is that normal? 

Seeing no distress signs from his boyfriend, Cedric surged forward for another kiss, a deeper, hungrier one. His tongue suddenly slips into Janus’ mouth, licking and exploring. And still, Janus didn’t feel any different, just curious at the new sensation. No pleasure nor disgust… Could it be because it’s just his first time? Maybe it takes time until you enjoy it, some getting used to… That makes sense right?

Cedric finally pulled back with a soft moan. “Wow, you taste better than I ever imagined, that was amazing! Did… did you like it?”

“I… guess I did!” He didn’t not like it at least…

Cedric smiled warmly before crashing their lips together in another kiss.

This is… This is fine, he can work with that, at least he's not hating it. He'll work his way up to liking it properly, everything will be fine, he's got it all under control.

…

He did not, in fact, had it all under control. Despite not hating it, Janus still didn't find pleasure in kissing his boyfriend, a fact that became harder to hide as time passed. He didn't gasp or moan at the action, he himself very rarely initiated the act, most times Cedric did and Janus did his best to seem as enthusiastic as him.

It became even more complicated when Cedric suggested they'll try sex if Janus is feeling comfortable with that and the same thing happened again when the action didn't spar any strong emotion in him, just an understanding that it's happening and it's new. But it wasn't enjoyable, it wasn't special or intimate to him, it just… was. Which was… harder, if not impossible, to hide.

"If you don't like it or don't want to do it you could just say so, I get that these things take time, it's fine. I just… I need you to talk to me, Janus." Cedric said after their first attempt.

"No! No, I like it!" He lied. "I do I… I'm just not… in the mood… right now. But I love you, I promise just… don't leave me." Janus pleaded.

Cedric blinked. "I… I never said I doubted that… is that what you think of me? That I'll just leave you just because you're different and take longer to be into this kind of staff? Janus, I keep telling you I don't mind waiting, we love each other, it'll happen when the time is right."

Janus looked away. "What if it doesn't? What if… What if I'm messed up and I'll never really want to do any of it because something inside of me is not right? What if you get bored or think I'm not interested in you and decide to leave and find someone better? You're so important to me, Cedric, I can't lose you." Janus sniffed, tears prinkling at the corners of his eyes.

"Wow, wow, hey." Cedric embraced him, his warmth rushing over Janus. "You won't lose me and there's nothing wrong with needing more time, you're not messed up, you're my Janus." He kissed his forehead tenderly.

Cedric was important to Janus, just not in the way that he thought. He cared for him, more than he cared about anyone else and loved hanging out with him. So, naturally, he thought he was in love with him. But as time went on and their relationship developed, Janus started to realize that, whatever strong feelings he had for Cedric, they weren't romantic, and they felt deeper than platonic.

But with that understanding, came the fear that, if he'll tell that to Cedric, he'll hurt him and Cedric will leave him, cause apparently Janus lied about his true feelings without him even realizing that, and that's not something forgivable, even for someone so patient and understanding as Cedric.

But one day, Janus was forced to face that reality. After they've been dating for almost two years, Cedric started to catch on that something was off. "Janus, do you… not love me anymore?"

Janus gulped. "Why would you even ask me that?"

Cedric sighed. "It just… feels like we're not on the same page most of the time… I can't help but feel like there's something you're not telling me." He took Janus' hand and cupped it between his own hands. "You know you can tell me anything, right? Whatever it is I'm sure it's not as bad as you think, I just want to help."

Janus closed his eyes. "I can't… I can't tell you… I can't lose you."

"You won't lose me, I promise." He squeezed Janus' hand almost desperately.

Janus let out a deep sigh knowing he can't avoid it anymore… and really wishing he could. "I don't know… I know I care about you, a lot but… I'm starting to question if it's in a romantic sense."

Cedric let go of his hand. "Are you… are you trying to say you just like me as a friend?! After all this time?"

"No! Whatever this is it's deeper than friendship, I know it… it's just not romantic…" Janus fumbled to explain.

"Well what is it? Friendship or romance? There's no in between, Janus." Cedric insisted.

"There's gotta be! It's not friendship but it's not romance either, please, I need you to understand." Janus pleaded, this can't be happening, this was everything he feared… it can't be happening.

"I'm sorry, Janus, I don't understand." Cedric said quietly.

-------------------------------------------------------

"And we broke up shortly after that." Janus finally finished his story and everyone was quiet for a long moment. "That's when I realized something was different about me that, at the time, I thought was wrong. After Cedric left me I… I thought I'd never be truly happy again…"

He finally found the strength to look up and meet the room's occipance's eyes, they all looked at him with sadness and understanding. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you for sharing, Janus, I know it was hard. I'm glad you discovered us and decided to come to our meeting." Patton smiled at him. "Welcome to the aromantic community."

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Tell the Truth

Prompts: aaaa the way you write angst is just *chefs kiss* wonderful. I’ve been really enjoying the butterfly project series, it has made me cry multiple times. May I request some fluff to balance the angst? - anon

Excuse me while I sob over Redemption Never Came and politely grabby hand for more angst with a happy ending (Roman angst my beloved) (Also you are an amazing fanfic artist :D) - anon

This is so heartbreaking and whumpy but so soft in the end and I would devour a second part about everyone trying to help undo all the negative patterns they've all instilled in Roman and just showing him affection and everyone's hearts breaking a little more each time he's surprised they actually want to be around him. - LadyofhteWoods

And now a part of me wants to see all those scenarios again, only this time Roman gets loved- walk in the kitchen, get a hug. Sit on the couch? Cuddle pile. Go on a quest? Bring friends, if hurt, patch up and movies. Crying in bed because you had a bad time and your brain is screaming that you suck and a wave of depression has rippled through you and you feel horrible? Have some tea… cry it out…. We’re here. - A_tiny_star_prince

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: self-doubt, self-deprecating thoughts

Pairings: dlampr

Word Count: 7688

Roman lies. A lot. Maybe it's time they did something about it.

Roman’s lies don’t vanish overnight. How could they? When he’s so used to repeating them, over and over, in a horrific little mantra before he goes to sleep, how can he be expected to get rid of them in only one night?

That doesn’t make them less difficult to hear.

Janus is downstairs, helping Virgil fold up one of the blankets strewn about the living room, when he winces and hisses.

“J? You okay?”

Janus nods, jerking his head upward. Virgil follows his gaze and winces too.

“…Princey?”

“I think so.” That’s a lie. He knows it’s Roman.

“I got this,” Virgil says quietly, taking the blanket from Janus, “you go. He seems to let you help more than he lets us.”

He never really had the choice to let me.

Janus swallows heavily as he appears outside Roman’s door. The lies aren’t nearly as poisonous as they were a few days ago, but they’re strong enough to curl his tongue at the bitterness in his throat. He raises a hand to knock on the door.

The lies falter for a moment before another one floats through.

Don’t come in.

He smirks, gently pushing the door open to meet a darkened room.

“Impressive,” he says softly, making his way over to the figure in the bed and perching on the end, “that could’ve been one of mine.”

He’s rewarded with the quietest of huffs before a head shyly peeks out at him from the covers. Janus smiles and tilts his head.

“Hello, sweetie.”

“Hi.” Roman shuffles a little. “Sorry. Didn’t realize I was summoning you.”

“There’s no need to apologize.” Janus glances around the room. His computer is off and shut. The bathroom light and fan are off. He looks back. “Can I help, sweetie?”

A shuffling of the blankets that’s probably supposed to be a shrug.

“Let me come find you, then,” he murmurs, standing and moving to where the head was a moment ago, “how did you get this many blankets on top of you?”

He slowly starts to move them out of the way, peeling back layer after layer, only briefly wondering whether or not Roman can breathe properly under these. It’s a careful act, one he treats with the same reverence as cleaning his gloves or his scales, creating a little cocoon of blankets as he gets further and further into the covers.

The last one puffs just the slightest amount, up and down.

So you can breathe, good.

Janus doesn’t move this one all the way out of the way, just lifts it up enough to peer inside. Roman’s little face peers back at him, partially covered by another blanket clutched tight to his chest. He looks so…child-like.

The realization makes something warm turn in Janus’s chest.

“Knock knock,” he says softly, “anyone home?”

Roman blinks. “Mm.”

“May I come in, sweetie?”

“Mm.” Roman jerks his chin toward Janus’s clothes. “Lose the sharp bits.”

Janus snaps his fingers, transforming his usual clothes into a soft yellow shirt and sleep pants. “Better?”

“Mm.”

“How did you manage to get so many blankets balanced on your bed,” Janus asks as he slips beside Roman, “mine always fall off after three.”

“Practice.” Roman shifts to make room.

Janus frowns. “Come here, sweetie, let me cuddle you.”

“You don’t have to.”

The frown deepens. “Sweetie?”

Roman buries his face a little deeper into the blanket. “You don’t like cuddling. Virgil an’ Remus said so.”

Oh, Roman…

“Come, sweetie,” he insists, tugging Roman gently into a proper hug, “there.”

“But—but—“

“I may not be as big a fan of cuddling as you and Patton,” Janus says firmly, cupping Roman’s face, “and I’m certainly the type that enjoys being tackled by Remus—“

Roman snorts.

“—but you’re upset,” he finishes gently, “and I want to help.”

Burden.

Needy.

Don’t understand boundaries.

Don’t deserve help.

Janus hisses. Roman sighs.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” he assures, still cradling Roman’s face as he pulls him close, “I understand. It’s alright.”

“I know, and I—I don’t want you to leave, but—“ Roman swallows— “I just—I still don’t believe you’re here.”

Janus wraps a pair of arms around Roman’s waist and squeezes. “I’m real, I’m here.”

“I just—“

There’s another lie swirling in Roman’s brain, too nebulous to make it all the way to Janus, but present enough that it makes his mouth tingle. He leans down to kiss Roman’s forehead.

“…you said it was your job to protect the Ego.”

“That’s right, sweetie, it is.”

“I guess I…I just…”

Janus gives Roman another encouraging squeeze. Roman brings the blanket further up his face.

“…I guess I figured that if you—if you could h-hate me that much or h-hurt me that badly and not—not care, then you…maybe you…”

Janus’s heart clenches as the lie finally makes itself known.

Not worth protecting.

He pulls away, shushing the heartbroken whine that Roman makes, taking off his gloves and wrapping every arm around the poor thing. He presses another kiss to his forehead, letting the hiss out into his hair.

“That’s not true, sweetie,” he promises, “and you’ll never know how sorry I am for hurting you and letting it get this far.”

And the poor thing is so tired, so weary that he goes limp in Janus’s arms, save for the blanket clutched tightly to his face. Janus frowns, opening his mouth to say that might be a little uncomfortable, what with Roman’s arms tucked between them, when he starts putting the pieces together.

Roman is still wearing a fair amount of clothing, he’s got something pressed up against his face, under his chin, and he’s got so many blankets piled on top of him that even Janus feels warm.

“And here I thought I couldn’t feel more rotten,” he whispers, carding one hand through Roman’s hair, another scratching gently between his shoulder blades, “but you must be in agony.”

A questioning hum is let out against his throat.

“You’re still touch starved, sweetie,” he says in way of answering, squeezing a little tighter, “are you still cold?”

There’s a soft rush of breath as Janus cups the back of his neck and then a noise is just about torn from his throat as he uses it to pull Roman close.

“Oh, shh, shh, you poor thing,” he murmurs, pressing another kiss to his cheek, “I’m right here, sweetie, I won’t leave you.”

They lie there for a while longer, Roman’s arms slowly lowering the blanket until he shyly puts his arms around Janus in return.

“There you go, sweetie,” he encourages, “hold onto me, that’s it.”

“Why—why are you letting me hug you?”

“Because it seems like you’d like to hug me.” Janus squeezes him again. “You don’t need to have a reason, sweetie, if you need a cuddle, you can have one.”

I need a reason. I need an excuse. I need an argument. I have to convince you.

Another hiss. “You can always ask for hugs, sweetie, you don’t need to convince me to hug you.”

“…really?”

Oh, Roman… “Yes, sweetie, you can ask any of us.”

The wave of disbelief that hits him makes him grit his teeth.

“I promise, sweetie. I promise.” Another kiss to his forehead. “You’re not unwanted, you’re not a burden.”

The silence he gets implies that Roman may not want to prove that—or disprove it—for himself right now.

“…can we just stay here for a bit?”

“For as long as you need, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, settling them in for some rest, “for as long as you want.”

——————————

Patton is in the kitchen, the first one downstairs this morning. There’s already a pot of coffee brewing and he sets the kettle up on the counter. He reaches up to pull the mugs for everyone. The plain black one for Logan, the Nightmare Before Christmas one for Virgil, the sparkly one for Remus, and the blue puppy one for himself. He frowns.

Roman used to keep his mug down here too. This really big red one with a golden crown on the side. He hasn’t seen it in ages.

Footsteps on the stairs.

He turns and sees Roman walk into the kitchen, smiling brightly as if there’s nothing wrong in the world, not a seam or stitch of his prince costume out of place. He strides into the room like he owns it, as if he’s just come down the stairs in his resplendent palace to a crown of adoring onlookers.

“Ah! Patton!” Goodness, he speaks like it too. “Good morning!”

“Roman!” Patton rushes forward and wraps him in a hug.

This is where everything goes wrong.

Roman tenses. Not in a way that means he wants out, but out of sheer surprise. Patton waits for Roman’s arms to wrap around him but instead, there’s just a very, very soft touch to his shoulder.

“Patton,” he asks quietly, “are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m great, kiddo, why?”

“W-well, you’re…you’re hugging me.”

“Sure am.”

“…why?”

Suddenly Patton feels very cold.

He pulls back, not enough to let Roman go completely, but enough to look up and see a truly heartbreaking look of confusion on his face. He can’t help the soft noise that comes out of his mouth as he raises one hand to his face.

“Are you asking why I’m hugging you?” Roman nods. “I want to hug you, kiddo. You’re hug-shaped.”

“I’m…what?”

“Hug-shaped,” Patton repeats, tugging him a little closer with the arm still around his waist, “you’re worth hugging, I like hugging you.”

“O-oh.”

And Patton has to watch as every scrap of confidence falls from Roman’s expression, his shoulders slump, and he looks like he loses some of his height, even. The shift is so drastic that it almost springs tears to his eyes at how much Prince Roman suddenly looks like a lost child, swimming in a costume too big and too heavy for him. Roman face contorts as he looks at a spot on the counter, furrowing his brow as if it’ll explain everything to him if he just glares hard enough.

There’s something fragile about the way Roman leans into Patton’s hand, something breakable about how warm he is right now. Patton shifts his weight to his other leg and there’s a flash of panic in Roman’s eyes, quickly stifled but there.

“Oh, kiddo, I’m not going anywhere,” he murmurs, pulling Roman back in for a proper hug, “I’m right here, it’s okay. You just let it out, okay?”

Roman’s breathe shudders a little into Patton’s shoulder. Then he starts pushing Patton away.

Patton listens, confused, until he watches Roman shake himself and put the mask of the prince right back on.

“Terribly sorry,” he says in the awful, awful cheerful voice as he rakes a hand through his hair, “don’t know what came over me.”

“Don’t,” Patton blurts before he can stop himself, “don’t do that, sweetheart.”

“Don’t do what, Padre?”

“Don’t pretend,” he says, reaching out for Roman again, “you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Or that you don’t want something.”

“I don’t like being needy, Patton,” Roman says in a soft voice that��s just this side of wobbly, “and you don’t like me needy.”

And doesn’t that just feel hot and guilty in Patton’s throat?

“I like you, sweetheart,” he says instead, “and you’re not being needy if you want comfort or even just a touch. You’re allowed to want something, Roman, you are.”

Roman huffs in disbelief and turns.

“No, Roman—“ Patton hurries to get in front of him— “you are.”

Something flickers across Roman’s expression. Patton doesn’t even need Janus to tell him that Roman thinks he’s walking into a trap.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Patton says quietly, “I’ve hurt you so much, haven’t I? I’ve made you think that your job is wrong, that you—that you’re wrong and you’re not, kiddo. You’re not wrong. You’re not awful. I promise.”

Roman’s lip wobbles.

“Oh, come here, sweetheart,” Patton coos, wrapping him back in a hug, and finally, finally Roman’s arms come up to wrap around him too, before he’s being squeezed so tight it borders on painful.

Patton doesn’t care.

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart, I promise.” He rocks them back and forth a little as Roman buries his face in his shoulder. “We’ll figure it out, I know we will.”

They stay like that until the kettle goes off and Roman startles, jumping back a little bit. Patton soothes away the last of the jitters and smiles, watching Roman look like…Roman. Not the Prince, not the horribly lost child, just…just Roman.

“I think that’s my cue to make you the biggest mug of hot chocolate you’ve had since Christmas,” he says quietly, “now what mug would you like?”

Roman glances at the cabinet. “Anyone is fine.”

“Then why don’t you go grab one while I get the hot chocolate?”

Patton busies himself with the box, purposely letting Roman have his privacy as he picks out a mug, trying not to make his smile too blinding when he turns and sees Roman shyly hold out a big red mug with a sparkly crown.

“Good choice,” he says softly as he takes it from him, “I missed this mug.”

Judging by the way Roman’s mouth curls up in a little smile, he knows what Patton meant.

——————————

Virgil walks into the room and sees Roman sprawled out across the chair. He almost doesn’t see it.

He’s got to give it to Janus; even though he knows he can hear lies, he’s not sure he would’ve believed that they were actually coming from Roman. Because Roman looks the fucking picture of relaxed right now. It looks like he saw Patton and Logan on the couch and decided there wasn’t enough room for him to take up as much space as he wants. It looks like he’s occupying the entire fucking corner and not just the chair. It looks like he’s every bit the arrogant prince they used to think he was.

Then he sees how tight his jaw is and the slight tremble of his hands.

The room isn’t warm, there’s no reason for Princey to be shivering. There’s certainly no reason for him to be so tense as he sits in the chair, tapping a pen against his cheek in a fabulous impression of mindless thinking but is actually a carefully controlled way of preventing himself from moving any further.

He’s gotta hand it to him. Princey’s good.

Virgil walks up to Roman and shoves his hands into his pockets as Roman looks up.

“Dark and Stormy,” he says in a perfected casual lilt, “is there something I can do for you?”

And wow, okay, if this is what Janus hears all the time then Virgil has no idea how he fucking does it.

Janus hears lies, Virgil hears fears.

Please don’t make me leave.

If you want the chair I’l give it to you, I’ll move, I’ll sit on the floor, I’ll be quiet, but please don’t make me go. I want to stay, please, can I—can I stay? Is that okay?

Virgil tilts his head. “Move the book.”

Roman furrows his brow. “What?”

“The book.” Virgil nods to the notebook in Roman’s lap. “Move it. Move your arm.”

Confused, Roman does as he asks only to squeak in surprise when Virgil pronounces it perfect and plonks himself in Roman’s lap.

“Virgil!”

“Yeah?” Virgil pulls out his phone and leans his head against Roman’s shoulder. “What’s up?”

“You—you’re—“ Roman still doesn’t move— “you’re in my lap.”

“Sure am.” Virgil looks up at him and lowers his voice to a whisper. “No?”

Roman’s voice drops too. “What?”

Virgil indicates his weight. “No? This okay?”

“Y-yeah, it’s fine, I just—what?”

In lieu of a verbal answer, Virgil reaches behind him to take Roman’s free hand and pull it close, tucking it under his chin and clutching it there. Roman’s hand trembles. He finds himself absentmindedly running his thumb over the knuckles, the palm, the fingers. He keeps his eyes on Roman’s face.

Roman’s other arm lowers, gingerly resting on Virgil’s legs. Virgil smiles and squeezes his hand.

“I’m sorry, Princey,” he whispers, “I’ve been fucking awful to you.”

Roman’s face twitches. “…so have I.”

“What, been awful to me or awful to you?”

For a moment, he thinks Roman’s just going to say that he’s been awful to Virgil. Which, yes, he was in the past, but not like Virgil’s been. But instead, Roman opens his mouth and shakily whispers: ‘both.’

“I know, Princey.” Virgil squeezes his hand again. “You’re all good with me, and we can…if you want, I can help with the second part too.”

Roman’s eyes widen and godfuckingdamnit that hurts.

“I gotcha, Roman,” he says softly, lacing their fingers together, “and ‘m sorry I haven’t been there for you recently.”

Roman swallows, Virgil’s eyes drawn to the roll of his throat. “You…you want to help me?”

Roman, you’re gonna ruin my reputation of not having a heart by smashing it into fucking pieces.

“Yeah, Roman,” he reassures, “I wanna help you. You’re important.”

“I am?”

“Sure are, Princey.” He lightly knocks his head against Roman’s. “And if it ever feels like I don’t believe that, call me out on my bullshit. ‘Cause that’s bullshit.”

“What are you two muttering about over there?” Patton shakes his head fondly when Virgil decides to just turn his head upside down instead of turning around. “Virgil, that’s not good for your spine.”

“We’re metaphysical, Pop-star, who cares?”

“When you start complaining about neck pain,” Logan says wryly, “me.”

He glances up too and Virgil hides a smirk at how his face softens when he spots Roman’s expression.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, yes,” Roman says hurriedly, “everything’s fine.”

“It’s Hug Roman time,” Virgil says immediately after, “so I’m hugging Roman.”

“I think that’s less of a hug than you sitting on his lap,” Logan says, standing, “but we’ll never fit all of us on that chair.”

Virgil feels more than hears Roman’s inhale as Logan and Patton start moving the couch cushions to the floor. He sits back upright just in time to see Roman’s hopeful face and butts his head against his again.

“Come on, Princey, let’s go.”

“…are you going to stand up, or…?”

“Or you could carry me.”

“Virgil,” he hears Patton chide.

“No, no,” Roman says, “it’s fine, I can carry him if he wants to be carried. I will need my hand back, though.”

Okay, yes, Virgil does enjoy Roman carrying him a bit too much for altruistic purposes but it’s worth it when Roman goes to gently set him down and the other two pull him down instead.

“There,” Logan says softly as Roman’s head comes to rest against the base of the couch, “much better.”

Roman opens his mouth to say something when Logan’s hand tangles in his hair and it turns into a slightly strangled sound. Patton chuckles, wrapping his arms around Roman and sighing softly.

“Hey, who wants to play a game?”

Remus’s head pops up from behind the couch.

“We’re already playing a game,” Virgil says, “it’s called Cuddle Roman, now get your butt down here.”

Remus gasps. “My favorite!”

“Okay good,” Virgil mutters as he moves out of Roman’s lap to make room for Remus, “I totally thought he was talking about butts.”

“I have a feeling, my dear,” Janus sighs, striding from the shadows and totally not making Virgil jump, “that it’s both.”

Remus just cackles. Janus takes a seat, reaching out to take one of Roman’s hands in his. Roman frowns at him slightly, his head still spinning from the amount of people around him.

“What—is there something wrong?”

Janus shakes his head. “It’s Hug Roman hours. So I’m here.”

Vigil chuckles at the blush on Roman’s face. “So this is becoming a regular thing, right?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“Indeed.”

“Yay!”

Remus just holds his brother tighter.

——————————

“…come in.”

“If you’d like to reschedule, Roman, it’s no trouble, I’m happy to…”

Logan trails off as he walks into the room, Roman’s back to him as he hunches over a table near the door to the Imagination. He shuts the door quietly behind him and tucks the notebook under his arm.

“Roman?” He takes a step forward. “Are you alright?”

“Never better, Specs,” Roman says cheerily, too cheerily, “just give me one moment and I’m all yours.”

Logan frowns. “If you’d like to reschedule, Roman,” he repeats, softer this time, “I can assure you, it’s fine.”

“No, no, that’d be rude.” Something crinkles in Roman’s hands. “Just—just one moment.”

There’s a heavy clunk and a barely contained hiss.

“Roman—“ he starts forward— “are you hurt?”

“Not hurt.” Another clunk. “Just…incredibly clumsy, it seems.”

“Can I help?”

If he weren’t paying attention, he would miss the way Roman’s shoulders tense with disbelief.

“N-no, that’s alright,” Roman says, the first time his voice has slipped, “I’m just…no, it’s alright.”

He jerks his head toward the desk, being very careful not to let Logan see his face.

“It’s over there, I’ll be with you in one moment.”

Logan looks, then walks over to the desk and carefully sets down his notebook. He glances up at Roman and can’t stop the soft noise at seeing Roman’s hands shake and fumble with a large bottle.

“Roman,” he calls softly, “Roman, please.”

Roman freezes.

“…please what?”

“Let me help you,” he says, walking over, “let me help you with this.”

Roman shudders and tries to laugh again. “You don’t need to busy yourself with inane and worthless tasks, Logan.”

Oh. Oh, dear.

“You’re not inane or worthless, Roman,” he says firmly, “nor are you a task.”

Roman’s shoulder is cold under his hand. He cups it nonetheless and leans closer, mindful to keep his gaze down and away.

“Please?”

Under his hand, Roman sighs. “…if that’s what you want.”

He’s not prepared for when Roman turns around, a bottle of micellar water in one hand and cotton ovals in the other. His makeup—done so wonderfully this morning—is smeared and wearing away, his nose bright red under the concealer. Logan lets out another soft noise, taking the proffered items and gently pushing Roman to sit on the table.

He takes one of the cotton ovals and gets it damp, cupping Roman’s chin in one hand.

“Let me know if anything starts to sting or hurt,” he instructs softly and starts to clean the smudges from his face. Roman sits perfectly still, his gaze down at Logan’s tie. His hands fold neatly in his lap and he looks every bit the cooperative ideal.

Except for the way he looks terrified every time Logan so much as shifts his hand.

“You are not worthless,” Logan says quietly as he works, swapping out the cotton ovals when needed, “you are not annoying me. You are someone I care about very deeply and someone I enjoy helping.”

Roman’s chin wobbles.

“I am always impressed by the ideas you create,” he continues after quietly bidding Roman to turn slightly, “and you never cease to amaze me with your creativity.”

Roman’s throat works against his hand as he swallows. “Remus—“

“Remus is Remus,” Logan interrupts gently, “turn—yes, there you go—and you are Roman. You are clever, you are kind, and you are wonderful, and I care about you very much.”

He takes a new cotton oval and takes Roman’s chin again, tapping gently until Roman makes eye contact.

“Close your eyes,” he bids, “and let me know if they start to sting at any point.”

Roman closes his eyes and Logan carefully, carefully starts to clean off the eyeshadow. The golden sparkles are stubborn, clinging to the skin, but he works patiently until the last of them come off. He realizes after that the oval is wetter than it was when he began.

“Oh, little star,” he breathes, glancing around and summoning a soft washcloth to clean Roman’s face the rest of the way, “it’s alright, you can cry if you need to. I won’t mind.”

“It’s stupid,” Roman mutters, raising a hand to swipe angrily at the tears, “it’s stupid.”

“If it’s making you upset, it’s not stupid.” Logan gently but firmly places Roman’s hands on his own shoulders and replaces them with the cloth. “Tell me?”

“I—it’s not even a quest.” Roman’s voice cracks horribly on the last word. “It’s just—I was making something and it broke and I—I worked really hard on it and now it’s ruined.”

Logan lets out a soft noise. “I’m sorry.”

His chest aches when the apology makes Roman shake himself. “It’s fine. Sorry, I didn’t want to just dump that on you.”

“I asked you to tell me what was wrong,” Logan chides, patting his cheek dry, “you’re not dumping anything on me.”

He sets the cloth aside and cups Roman’s face with his hands.

“And I am also sorry,” he whispers, “that I have made you believe that I do not worry about you the same way I worry about Thomas.”

Roman’s eyes fly open. “You—you what?”

“I care about you very deeply, Roman,” Logan says, “you’re very important to me. So yes, of course, I worry about you. You’re upset, and I’ve made you feel like you can’t come to me. I…I have not behaved well toward you. And I will remedy that.”

A new wave of tears meets Logan’s thumbs carefully swiping them away.

“Bonk?”

Roman leans forward and lets Logan rest their foreheads together. After a moment, his hands move to give Roman a proper hug, leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead.

“What were you making, if I may ask?”

“…just a house.” Roman sniffles. “It got destroyed in the last brainstorm.”

“Would you like help?”

“…don’t we have to work on the ideas?”

Logan smiles, resting their foreheads together once more. “This feels more important, doesn’t it?”

Roman’s small but warm smile is more than worth the extra hours they’ll have to spend working on the videos.

——————————

Somehow they forgot.

Somehow they forgot that Roman was scared of the dark.

It wasn’t common that thunderstorms plagued the Imagination, simply because—well, Thomas didn’t need literal brainstorms when he’s got Logan working with him. Sure, sometimes Remus decides he’s going to make his entrance extra cliché and arrive in a literal flash of lightning. Or Roman will create a field of flowers larger than the eye can see and soft bruised purple clouds will roll across the sky, quiet thunder and light rain that feels like a cushion.

But it’s never enough to cause a blackout.

For a moment, they’re all just confused. Thomas’s apartment is fine, Thomas is fine, so they don’t understand what’s happened. Then Remus points out that they, uh, maybe didn’t close the door to the Imagination as tightly as they should have.

He gets smacked upside the head for that.

So they’re here, in the middle of the dark, trying frantically to figure out how to not run into everything. Well, three of them are fine. Virgil can see in the dark. Janus can see in the dark. Remus can see in the dark.

“Is that because you’re the Dark Sides,” Patton mumbles as he puts his glasses back on for the fifth time in the past minute, “or do you each have some kind of ability?”

Remus smiles, even if Patton can’t see it. “It’s more fun!”

“That doesn’t—“ Logan pinches the bridge of his nose— “that doesn’t even answer the question, Remus.”

“I think you’ll find that’s his justification for most things,” Janus says wryly, taking Patton carefully by the arm and guiding him to sit on the couch, safely out of harm’s way.

Virgil elbows Remus to get him to put down the Morningstar, please, and sits down next to Patton. “How long is this going to take to go away?”

Remus shrugs. “Dunno. Probably won’t be that long. We all just gotta sit tight.”

Janus raises a hand to his mouth—not that Logan can truly appreciate his expression—and mock gasps. “Remus, suggesting that we don’t do anything?”

“Oh, fuck off, Snakey.”

“Language!”

Remus blows a fat raspberry. “Even I know it’s a bad idea to try and do something right now. I mean ask Roman—“

It takes a moment for them to realize that Roman isn’t sitting there.

“We should go get him,” Logan says after a moment, “just to make sure we’re all in the same place.”

And with that, Remus is off, stomping up the stairs and conveniently forgetting that two Sides can’t see past the little pinpricks of light at the bottom of the windows. Virgil rolls his eyes and makes to stand, only to frown.

“Virgil?” Logan touches his elbow when he notices him pause. “Are you alright?”

“Feels like I’m being summoned.” He rubs his chest absentmindedly. “But not really.”

“Well, let’s just keep an eye on—hey!”

Virgil doesn’t even hear the end of Logan’s sentence before he’s yanked into another room.

He blinks, disoriented, shaking his head to figure out where he is. Only when Remus bursts up the stairs and pouts that how dare Virgil sink out to beat him here does he realize why he’s here.

Judging by the way Remus’s face falls a second later, he does too.

Remus knocks lightly on the door. After a moment, he curses and goes to knock louder.

“Don’t,” Virgil mutters, grabbing Remus’s arm, “you’re gonna freak him out more.”

“Well, I can’t just blow the fucking door open,” he growls, shaking him off, “that’s gonna make it worse.”

He opens his mouth but another sharp tug from his chest makes him wince. “Okay, then don’t bust it down. Just—oh, god, we gotta get in there.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice.”

Remus doesn’t rear back and kick the door open, which says something about how concerned he is. They can’t see much of anything except for—

—oh.

Oh, no.

Roman notices immediately when the blackout happens. How could he not? He’d been in the middle of trying to sort out his journal for the day when suddenly he was drowning.

Oh god.

Oh, god.

Within an instant, his chest seizes. He can’t see. He can’t see. There’s something—

No. No, it’s fine. He’s in his room. Everything is fine. Because he’s safe. He’s in his room, he knows where everything is, he knows what everything is in here, he’s fine.

There’s nothing here to be scared of. There’s nothing here to be scared of.

So why is Roman so scared?

He shouldn’t be. He shouldn’t be. He’s a prince, for Disney’s sake, he’s the protector of the Mindscape, he’s—he’s—

He’s Prince Roman. Not some newly minted squire crying because he’s away from home for the first time and it’s all dark and scary and he can’t see anything because he doesn’t know what’s going on and he can’t tell where anything is and he swears he can see things moving in the shadows and—and—and—

Roman shoves his fist in his mouth before he can whimper.

No. No. He’s fine.

He’s fine.

…besides, what would the others say?

He’s a prince. He’s Roman. He’s not some scared weak thing. He’s just—he’s just—it’s—it’s—

They can’t see him like this. He’s supposed to be strong. He’ll never be taken seriously if they don’t see that he can be strong. They don’t take him seriously already, do they? Let alone if they could see him in the dark, alone, hyperventilating, terrified.

But he is.

He’s—he—

Something moves.

Oh, god, something moved.

He freezes, goes absolutely still, tries frantically to still his heaving chest, be small, be unnoticeable, his pride doesn’t matter right now, it doesn’t, he’s not gonna be hurt if he can’t be seen—

“Ro-Bro?”

His next inhale is a whine.

No, no, not Remus—he can’t—not Remus, Remus is strong, Remus will laugh at him, Remus loves the dark, he can’t cry in front of Remus, not for this—

“Oh, Ro-Bro,” he hears through the haze, “Ro-Bro, I’m so fucking sorry, I forgot, hey—hey—“

He won’t cry. He won’t cry. He won’t cry.

“Hey,” Remus calls, tugging carefully at the hand clapped over his mouth, “hey, don’t do that, Roro, you’re gonna hurt yourself, stop it, it’s gonna fucking hurt if you do that, you know that—“

The sob that tears itself out of his throat as Remus pries his hand away hurts his ears.

“Hey, Roro,” Remus soothes, taking his hands and squeezing them firmly, “hey, you gotta just be here for me, you focus on me, okay?”

“Re—“

“Come here, Ro.”

Remus scoops him up into his lap. To hell with whatever is twisting around in the shadows, Remus is holding him in his lap, rocking him back and forth and Remus is of the dark.

A rush of shame through his stomach and the first real sob into Remus’s shoulder hurts.

“Nuh-uh, Ro,” comes the mutter over his head, “don’t hold it in.”

The shame only grows. Then Remus tightens his grip until it’s all he can feel.

“I’m right here, Ro, I’m right here. It’s okay. You can be scared.”

“N-not scared.”

A gentle hiss in his ear as something—someone presses against his back and more arms than he can count wrap around his chest.

“Shh, shh,” Remus murmurs as he starts, “it’s just Janny.”

“Boo,” Janus whispers as he presses a kiss on his shoulder. Why—why is he here—did he—did he lie too much? He’s not scared, he’s not scared—

“Shh, sweetie,” he whispers as Roman starts to flinch, “I’ve got you, you’re okay, sweetie, stop that. We’ve got you.”

“You’re scared, bud.” Is that—is that Virgil? “Hey, hey, buddy, we got you. I’m sorry, Roman, I forgot you were so scared of the dark.”

Can’t be scared, can’t be scared—

“Shh, shh, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, “stop that. You’re allowed to be scared, it’s okay. You don’t have to be ashamed of it.”

Virgil presses closer, nudging Janus’s head out of the way and replacing it with his own. He leans down to nuzzle into the crook of Roman’s neck, finding the place his collar digs into his neck and loosening it. Curse him. Curse him.

“Hey, bud,” Virgil murmurs, “you’re okay. You’re okay.”

“N-no—“

Janus hisses gently in his ear again.

“No—“ Roman’s breath hitches— “no, no, no—“

“Roman,” comes Logan’s warm voice from somewhere above him, and no—

“Give him to me,” he hears again after a moment, and when he feels Remus’s arms begin to loosen and Janus pulls away he mewls—

“Hush, little one,” Logan says softly, gathering the poor prince into his lap, “you’re safe, you’re right here, it’s just a blackout.”

“You’ll—“ Roman hiccups, his hands still pushing Logan away from him— “you’ll laugh—“

“Never,” comes the chorus, Logan’s arms firmly around his waist. Then another pair of hands covers his and pulls them away.

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton murmurs, gently but firmly placing his arms around Logan’s neck so Logan can cuddle him properly, “sorry it took us a little longer to get here, we had to take it slow up the stairs.”

“Pat—Pat—“

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Patton coos, crouching down to run a hand through his hair as Logan tucks him into the crook of his neck and Virgil rests his head on his shoulder, “we’re all here, it’s okay.”

“Stupid—st—stupid,” Roman mumbles, “I’m stupid—“

Another hiss, followed by a kiss to the nape of his neck. “Stop lying, sweetie,” Janus whispers, “stop it. You’re not stupid.”

“I’m a prince afraid of the dark,” Roman spits out, disgusted, “of course I’m stupid.”

“Falsehood,” Logan murmurs with more tenderness than Roman can remember, “you’re not stupid. You’re not.”

“I’m crying because I’m afraid of the dark,” he spits again, “I’m af-fraid of the dark—I’m afraid of the dark, I’m—I’m afraid—“

He’s afraid of the dark.

Patton presses a kiss to his forehead. “I don’t like the dark either, sweetheart.”

“You’re—you’re not—you’re not crying—“

“No, I’m not.” Another kiss. “But you are, Roman, and that’s okay.”

“Come on, Princey.” Virgil butts his head gently against Roman’s. “You just gotta breathe first, okay? We’re not going anywhere.”

Remus calls from somewhere over his shoulder—what has he been doing? Where’s he been?— “come on, I got all the pillows.”

“Re?”

“Come on, Ro-Bro,” Remus murmurs, appearing at his other shoulder, “close your eyes.”

“It’s already d-dark, Re.”

“I know, but I don’t wanna get the blanket in your eyes.” Suddenly, there’s a swath of fabric hitting him in the face. “It’s just for a moment, Roro.”

“Ready?” Logan scoops him up. “Up we go.”

“H-how can you see?”

“He can’t,” Janus says, suddenly appearing behind him, “but I can. Come now, my prince, we’re just over here, come on…”

Roman lets out a soft noise of surprise when his back hits something soft.

“Snap yourself into something more comfortable, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, “we’re all just going to stay here for a while.”

Patton takes his hand and kisses the back of it as Logan helps tug down the t-shirt he’s poofed himself into.

“I’m sorry,” Roman mumbles, “I’m sorry I’m so scared.”

“None of that now, sweetheart,” Patton chides, cuddling into his side—oh, Patton’s in soft things too now— “you’re gonna be taken care of now. We’re right here.”

“I’m right here, Ro-Bro,” Remus says, promptly flopping down over Roman’s legs, “and no one else is going anywhere.”

Virgil huffs, curling around his head and ruffling his hair. “He’s right, Princey. Just relax for a little.”

“H-how long is the blackout going to last?”

“I don’t know, sweetie,” Janus says, snuggling into his other side, taking his hand between two of his, “but we’ll be here the whole time. Now please, sweetie, breathe.”

He tries. But it’s still dark and even though he knows the others are here, he can still feel the darkness pressing in on top of him. He can still see things moving in the shadows. He can feel it. He can see it. It hurts.

“Roman,” comes Logan’s voice, warm in the dark, “Roman, listen to me.”

“L-Logan?”

“Yes, dear,” he says, “it’s alright. Virgil is by your head, and he can see in the dark.”

Virgil gives his hair a little tug. “Right here, Princey. I’ve got you.”

“Patton is on your left. He won’t let anything hurt you.”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Patton kisses his cheek. “I won’t leave you.”

“Janus is on your right. He can also see in the dark, and it’s his job to protect you.”

Janus leans down to kiss his temple and squeezes his hand. “My prince,” he murmurs tenderly, “my sweetie.”

“And Remus…”

“Nothing’s laying a fucking finger on you, Ro-Bro,” Remus growls from down by his feet, “they’re gonna have to get through me first.”

Logan chuckles. “See?”

“L-Logan?”

“I’m right here, little star,” he says softly, “what do you need?”

“W—where are you?” Roman’s hands tense in Patton’s and Janus’s. “Where—I—I can’t—“

“Hush now,” Logan says, so softly, so softly, as a hand cups his cheek to brush away his tears, “I’m right here, I know you can’t see me. I’m sorry. I know it’s dark. I know you’re afraid. It’s okay, my dear, shh.”

Roman tries to reach out for him only to be thwarted by the grip on his hands.

“Hush, Roman, it’s alright, what can I do?”

“S-stay, please, stay—I want you to stay—“

“I’m right here, can I—“

“Please—“

He almost sobs again with relief when Logan lies down, his head tucked over his shoulder, curling his arms about his waist.

“We’re right here, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, “we’ve got you.”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Patton kisses the back of his hand.

“It’s okay to be scared, Princey.”

“We won’t let anything happen to you, Roro.”

It takes another half an hour for the storm to end and the lights to flicker back on. Roman stays tucked up in their arms, their soft words in his ear, gentle hands wiping away his tears, until he can blink up at all of them and murmur ‘thank you.’

“Of course, sweetie.”

“We’re here for you, Roman.”

“It’s no problem, Princey.”

“We’ve got you, kiddo.”

“All you gotta do is ask, Roro.”

——————————

Remus knocks on the door, the present in his hands. Roman opens the door and tilts his head.

“Re?”

“Can I come in, Ro-Bro?”

“Yeah, yeah, come on.” Roman shuts the door. “What’s up?”

“This is for you,” Remus says, holding out the box.

“Oh—Remus, I didn’t—I’m sorry—“

“You didn’t miss anything, Ro,” Remus says quickly, “and I’m not expecting anything in return. Just wanted to give you something.”

He shuffles.

“And I, uh, I also haven’t really apologized for the shit I’ve done to you, so…it’s that too.”

“O-oh.” Roman clutches the box. “Thank you, Remus. Can I open it now?”

“Sure.” He watches as Roman carefully opens the box and pulls out the stuffed octopus.

“Oh, Re, this is so cute!” He holds it up, looking at the little face. “I love it, thank you.”

He turns it over.

“Wait, what’s…”

“It’s a mood toy,” Remus says quietly, “if you flip it this way, it’s happy.”

The cream side of the octopus has a little smiley face.

“And if you turn it inside out—“ Roman flips the plush so that a red face frowns at him— “it’s sad.”

Roman’s eyes widen and he looks up at Remus.

“I know you find it hard to ask for things,” Remus says, edging a bit closer, “so I thought this could…help.”

“Re…”

“And I—oof!” Remus lets out a grunt as Roman tackles him onto the bed. He chuckles, his arms wrapping tightly around his brother. “I’m glad you like it Roro, just promise me you’ll use it?”

He gets his request a few days later.

It’s been quiet, Thomas is taking a break, and they’re all in various corners of the living room. Janus and Virgil are lazing about in the patch of sun by the window, Patton is in the kitchen, Logan is working on something on his laptop, and Remus is toying with the grip on his Morningstar.

Roman walks down the stairs and he’s clutching a little red octopus.

“Hey, Ro,” Remus says quietly, hopping up and scurrying over to meet him as he comes down the stairs, “you wanna go be alone?”

Roman shakes his head, pushing gingerly into the living room. Remus turns to see everyone paying attention to them, including Janus, who’s sat up fully and is reaching out to Roman.

“Come here, sweetie,” he calls, “is your brain being a bastard?”

Distantly, Remus hears Patton huff at the language but no one says a word as Janus gathers Roman into his chest, bending to murmur softly in his ear. Virgil scoots closer, acting as the guardian, letting Roman relax with the knowledge that nothing will surprise him right now. A gentle tap on Remus’s shoulder and he turns to see Logan, who bends closer.

“What do we do to help?”

“Help me make a mattress big enough for all of us?”

Under Logan’s guidance, Remus manages to make a normal mattress with lots of comfy blankets and pillows. Patton comes from the kitchen with a glass of water set on the table near the three on the floor. He pauses as he turns and quickly sets a cup of tea next to it.

Roman’s grip on the octopus doesn’t lighten up, even after he’s been in Janus’s arms for a while, even after Logan’s gone over and helped Virgil walk him through coming out of the spiral. Janus walks over to Remus and Patton and quietly tells them they should try and get them all to eat something. Nothing too straining for Roman’s system, but something.

Patton brings out a few bowls of snack food and sets them at the foot of the mattress. Then he goes and gently cards his hands through Roman’s hair.

“Come on, kiddos,” he says softly, “let’s move to the mattress.”

Logan scoops Roman into his arms, depositing him safely in the center of the mattress, little red octopus in tow. The rest of them cuddle around him, some Disney movie playing on the TV. Roman eats, then lays his head on Remus’s shoulder. Logan takes Roman’s free hand into his lap and cradles it there, stroking it with his thumb.

About halfway through the movie, Roman turns the octopus so that the cream side smiles at the screen too.

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[omgsomeonesomewhereonearth]

I'll Write This Scene a Thousand Times - Ch1

AO3 Link || Next Chapter

Ship: Moceit (Janus/Patton)

Warnings: Alcohol, Implied sex, one-night stand, rumours and scandal, swearing, I would recommend a 16+ readership, but since this isn't actually explicit I guess use your discretion?

Summary: For all accounts and purposes, Patton Hart should have been able to make it through his twenties in the music industry without coming face to face with a scandal. The perfect package of talented and adorable, with family connections to boot, all he'd had to do was keep out of trouble, and he was good at that.

He hadn't counted on running into Janus Lyre. The beautiful, frustrating, devil-may-care actor evidently has some sort of effect on Patton, driving him to make the sort of mistake that never would have crossed his mind previously. Now, with their faces plastered across the internet and fledgling careers on the line, the two of them need to keep the lie of their fleeting relationship sustained.

‘The sweetheart and the snake’ - has Janus Lyre found a new ‘Hart’ to break?

Less than an hour after being photographed at the premiere for his own movie, the young star was seen at a swanky downtown nightclub - guess that’s one flick we won’t be catching!

But, dear readers, that’s not the most interesting part. With Lyre’s turbulent record over his few years of fame, one might say playing hooky is just a minor infraction for the beloved bad boy, but the same can’t be said for the cutie hanging off his arms in those photos! Some of you might have already recognised those cute brown curls and sunshine grin, and as hard as it may be to believe that is indeed Patton Hart.

The youngest son of now retired singer Ophelia Hart has made quite a name for himself recently, with his sugary sweet lyrics and impossibly innocent persona - impossibly being the operative word. Is the golden boy finally rebelling? Or had there always been a darker side to Hart, hidden behind the saccharine pastel branding?

---

Logan Wright: Just saw the news. Need to talk immediately. Send me your location, I can arrange for you to be picked up safely.

Logan Wright: Patton please pick up my calls

Logan Wright: I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how urgent this is??

---

Patton groaned around the headache coursing through his skull as he paced the wooden floors of the darkened bedroom, willing the phone in his hand to be still long enough for him to figure out what to do.

This had to be a bad dream.

Patton Hart was not the kind of guy to wake up in another man’s bed with a bad hangover, barely any memories of the previous night, a hundred missed calls from his manager, and compromising pictures of himself spread all over the internet.

Maybe if he just crossed his fingers real hard and opened up twitter again, it would all just be gone and he would wake up in his own home, sans migraine, and everything would be just fine.

Nope. Patton’s own besotted face was the very first thing that greeted him as he opened the app, gazing up at Janus Lyre of all people. He felt like he was looking at a stranger as he flicked through the images despite his own surmounting dread. He watched this weirdly confident version of himself, practically draping himself over a man he barely knew, grinning as Janus leaned in to whisper in his ear, kissing him in the street outside the nightclub, his own unfamiliar hands running through long dark locks, wandering down to lithe waist and hips, pulling their bodies even closer.

Patton felt sick. He had to call Logan, he knew that. Logan knew how to fix things, he would handle this.

Then again, Patton had never given him something like this to fix before.

The tweets underneath the photos ranged between a variety of reactions, from confused, to shocked, to disgusted to “always knew Patton Hart had a dirty side”, to “Can’t wait to see how long Janus keeps this one around.”

To be perfectly honest, all of them made the sea of dread and nausea in Patton’s gut rise and lurch.

“This is so bad,” he muttered to the figure that had just appeared in the doorway, glass of water in hand.

“Oh is it? Is it really? Oh, thank you so much for telling me, I would definitely have forgotten just how ‘bad’ this was if you weren't here to remind me.”

Janus Lyre was infuriatingly cool, in a way that no one really had a right to be in the mornings - let alone on this morning. Somehow, even in sweatpants, with his tousled hair tied back in a low ponytail, he managed to make Patton feel awkwardly underdressed for having put his own clothes back on. His smudged eyeliner, a relic of the night, only added to the effect of his condescending eyeroll.

Regardless, Patton was grateful to accept the water, and the aspirin that was dropped into his palm with it. At least he was a gracious host, all things considered.

He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, sipping slowly as he picked at a rip in his rumpled jeans. He could feel the weight of Janus’ eyes on him, but he didn’t want to look up. It felt like he’d be doing something wrong, shameful even, to be looking at the other man right now, despite all that had already transpired between them.

He didn’t know Janus, not really, but he had known of him. At least, he’d known he was bad news. He was an incredible actor, from what Patton had heard, and had managed to flourish in the past couple of years despite his young age and apparent lack of industry connections.

…Unfortunately, his incredible acting wasn’t all that he was known for. Janus’ name frequently popped up with regards to his sardonic responses to the press, disregard for convention, insulting important names in the industry, and generally being considered trouble.

Patton had often wondered how the man hadn’t been blacklisted yet. He never thought he’d end up tangled up with him in any way, much less this literally.

“Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’re getting how serious this is,” he protested, “I - I just don’t understand how - there are pictures, Janus, everywhere, I have so many calls-”

Janus looked almost amused, as he leaned casually against the curtained windows, quirking an eyebrow at Patton.

“Oh dear, not pictures !” he mocked, “I take it this is your first time getting caught ‘ in flagrante’?”

“Wha- yes,  of course!” Patton flushed.

“Well, don’t worry then, the first time is always the hardest,” Janus responded lightly, seeming as though he was getting quite bored with the conversation, and by extension, with Patton.

“I don’t exactly intend there to be a second time, just so you know,” Patton snapped,” I didn’t even intend for there to be a first time, quite frankly-”

Janus did look amused at this, grinning smugly as he replied, “Oh, is that right? You and I appear to remember last night very differently.”

“I’d really rather not talk about last night, thanks.”

“I’d happily talk about anything else. You are the one that keeps bringing it up,” Janus shrugged, before turning on his heel to face the window, tugging the curtain open by the corner, just enough to invite in a thin stream of light.

Patton might struggle with nuance sometimes, but even he understood that - Janus had got the last word in, and now he was done talking.

He huffed in annoyance, but it didn’t stop his traitorous eyes from following the graceful movement, tracing the dark lines of the tattoo that marked Janus’ light brown skin, a massive serpent that coiled and looped all over one side of his slender frame, seeming almost to writhe, hypnotically, with the slightest movement.

Patton tore his eyes away quickly, tugging self consciously at his own sweater sleeves. The cool water had helped slightly, but he could feel the dread settling in his stomach again. He didn’t belong in this situation, having wild midnight trysts with ridiculously pretty men, and whatever confidence the alcohol had apparently given him last night had evaporated, leaving him utterly unprepared for light, flirtatious morning-after banter.

“Um, well,” he cleared his throat and stood up, “I should probably go now, and call my manager to fix all this. Thank you for, er - the water, and last night, I guess, and I wish you all the best, of course.”

Janus didn’t even turn around to respond, “Oh, and I don’t suppose you’ll need transportation arranged?”

“No thank you,  I can find my way-”

“And give the press an opportunity to catch you leaving the den of the snake? In the same clothes you entered in, no less?”

“I-”

Luckily, Patton didn’t have to come up with a clever response, because Logan - his dear, wonderful, manager Logan - decided to call him at that very moment.

“...I have to take this.” he muttered triumphantly, turning around to lift the phone to his ear, “Hi, Logan, I am so, so, sorry - I meant to call you, I just-”

“No time,” Logan’s phone voice was as always, clipped and professional, and he got straight to the point, “I need to see you. Immediately. There is much to discuss. I trust you’ve had enough foresight to remain at Lyre’s residence and not step outside?”

“I - I’m still here, yep.” Patton blushed.

“Good. I’m sending a car, don’t leave the building until it arrives. And bring Lyre with you, please.”

“You want to meet Janus?”

“The subject I need to discuss with you also concerns him, so yes.”

“Oh- um, okay, I’ll bring him. Um, do you need an address?”

“No need, I have it.”

“Already? How?”

“That is my job, Patton.”

“Right, right, fair enough. Okay, I’ll see you.”

---

Patton had a flashback to middle school - the one time he was sent to see the principal for bad behaviour - as he knocked nervously on the door to Logan’s office.

“Come in.”

He heard a scoff from behind him as he took a deep breath, preparing to open the door - it had been a struggle to get Janus to come along.

Just as he’d expected - and feared - Logan was wearing his “I am a professional and thus I am not going to get upset” face. What he hadn’t expected, was that this look didn’t seem directed at him.

Leaning back in the chair next to Logan’s, high heeled boots on the desk, was a man that Patton had never seen before - and between the half-black, half-silver mullet, curled moustache, and bright green glitter, he was pretty sure he’d remember if he had.

His eyes skipped over Patton entirely before settling on Janus and lighting up.

“J-Anus!” he cackled, “Thanks for not picking up any of my calls from last night, asshole!”

“Remus, good to see you,” Janus sighed, “Looks like your mummy called my mummy,” he whispered loudly to Patton.

To Remus, he said, “I do apologise, Remus, I turned my phone off because I was busy not watching the movie I was in. I’m sure you understand.”

“Ahem,” Logan interrupted, “Mr Lyre, thank you for coming in, Patton, this is Remus Rey, Mr Lyre's manager. Please take a seat, Remus and I have much to discuss with you.”

Patton waved politely at Remus, who winked back.

“Well first things first, I’d like to say congratulations to you both-”

“Remus.”

“-But that was nasty fucking trick you pulled there, Jay! You promised me you’d stop disappearing from important events! You know how much work I have to do to clear that shit up?”

Janus shrugged like a petulant teenager. “Got bored.”

“I really am sorry for putting this on you, Logan.” Patton could see Logan’s knuckles tightening, a familiar tenseness in his jaw, that telegraphed that he was Not Having a Good Time.

“That’s - not to worry, Patton,” a twitch had started to develop in his right eye, “technically speaking, this is - my job.”

“And he’s pretty damn good at it if he’s managed to keep you out of trouble this long eh, Patty?” Remus cracked in, “I mean, for what it’s worth, I always knew there was more to you, but the two of you really had the rest of those idiots fooled, huh?”

“Um…”

“ Anyways,” Logan interrupted through gritted teeth, “Whilst the two of you were missing in action, so to speak…”

Patton sunk a little deeper in his seat. He wasn’t looking at him, but he was pretty sure he could feel Janus roll his eyes from beside him.

“...Remus and I had a chance to sit down and decide how to deal with this in a way that will benefit both parties.”

“ Oh, how fascinating, do tell .”

Logan, apparently much better equipped at dealing with smart-ass comments than Patton, ignored Janus entirely.

“Now, the two of you may have your reservations, but I request that you please hear us out before rejecting the matter entirely.”

“Now, the two of you may have your reservations, but I request that you please hear us out before rejecting the matter entirely.”

“Of Course we’ll hear you out!”

“ ...Yes, because that request didn’t raise any suspicions at all.”

“Remus and I think the best way to spin this current...situation to our advantage, would be with a relationship contract.”

There was a silence in the room for a minute as the full meaning of Logan’s words settled in. Well, a silence accompanied by Remus tapping out a rhythm on the edge of Logan’s desk with his - admittedly fabulous - acrylic nails. After what felt like a full minute he grinned at them.

“Pretty good, huh? It was my idea.”

”Yes, well, I cannot exactly deny that Remus was the one to suggest that,” Logan grumbled, “However, I do support it entirely, and am happy to proceed with your consent.”

“You want us to...date?”

“They want us to pretend to date,” Janus interjected, “A few staged photos, attend events on my arm, everyone thinks this was a sweet little lover’s outing and not a drunken fling.”

“See, I told you mine was smart!” Remus grinned proudly at Logan.

“...Indeed,” Logan nodded at Janus, “I understand you might have your compunctions, but this is the best way for us to spin this into something... close to brand-appropriate, for Patton. And as for you, Mr Lyre-”

“We’re hoping we can make it look like you’re finally setting down, starting to behave yourself, or some horseshit like that,” Remus cut in, “I gotta keep you booked somehow, Jan-Jan.”

Another long silence filled the room - and even Remus stayed quiet for this one. Patton stared at his lap. He didn’t exactly feel great about this sort of thing, but Logan had said it was the only way. And heck, this sort of stuff happened all the time in this line of work, he knew that. Right?

Janus spoke up first.

“How long would this contract be, exactly?”

“We were thinking one year,” came Logan’s reply.

A whole year?

"I assume there are rules?"

"Behave as though you're in a relationship, perform for the camera when necessary, and if you intend to have outside relations, do try to keep them private - or better yet, don't."

“...I’m amenable,” Janus said finally.

And then, Patton could feel three sets of eyes on him, waiting for a response. Logan, calm and expectant, as ever hiding his impatience behind professionalism. Remus, toothy-grinned, leaning forward as if he was watching a sports match.

And Janus. For the first time with sober eyes, Patton levelled his own gaze with Janus’. His face was as inscrutable as ever, but Patton could feel the unspoken challenge behind his mismatched eyes. Asking him whether Patton Hart could handle something like this. Or worse, outright stating that he couldn’t.

…Or maybe Janus wasn’t thinking any of that and it was just Patton’s own loopy consciousness egging him on. Either way, the words slipped out of his mouth before he even thought them.

“I’ll do it.”

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hi, me again. This is a story progressing ask so you can say what happens when Janus and Remus arrive at Remy’s. If someone else put through an ask for it you can use that, this is just so that you can say what happens next if no one else had an ask for this.

Glow Eyes

Tw: talk about abuse, talk about sex but like not at all in a smutty way

The door flung open nearly right into Remy's face. They leant back and looked up to meet Remus' worried look. His jacket had clearly been thrown on, his shoes weren't matching and his hair stood up like a bird’s nest. Janus was out of breathe as he closed the door behind them.

"Remy" Was all Remus gasped out before collapsing on his knees right in front of them. He hugged them like it was the end of the world.

They clambered their arms around him and dug their face into the crook of his neck "Remus"

Janus sat down next to them and both of them quickly reached out to pull him into the hug. He let his hands comfortably stay around Remy's waist as he pressed a kiss to their hair.

He quietly scanned Remy's face for any hints of what had happened. The dark bags under their eyes, the red tear streaks down their cheeks, their mat hair that had nearly grown to their shoulders. And the bruises. He tried to steer his eyes away from the spots of darkly nauseating purples and greens, and yet he couldn't stop staring at them.

"Are you okay?" Janus wanted to hit themself immediately after saying it. What a stupid question. Of course Remy wasnt-

Remy quickly nodded in response. They held onto Remus like a lifeline "I'm all good girl" Their voice was shaky.

"Do you know when Virgil will be back? Is he away at work or?"

"Staying at his uh parent's place. It's like an- 2 hours away? I think? I dunno girl I'm tots stupid sorry"

"You're not stupid!!! AND How can you be okay?!" Remus exclaimed right into their face "You haven't seen your bestie boy kraken bitch in months!!! I've missed you!!! I've got so much to tell you!!! OH!! If Virgin is away we can stay up all night and eat pumpkin meat and worm candy and cuddle and watch movies!! And then I can have a super duper long conversation with your body so it stops being a total dickass and stop making you unable to leave the apartment ‘cause of pain!!” 

They let out a weak chuckle "That sounds great girl. Really let at it. It's what the bitch bod deserves!"

"Now when Virgil is...away" Janus balanced the words on their tongue, unsure of how to continue "Would you like to come over to one of our places? Getting some change of scenery would be good-" It felt so stupid to cloud this all in fancy words. They looked directly into their' loves eyes and bluntly asked "Remy do you want to leave?"

An immediate look of utter terror went across their face mixed in with just the smallest bit of hope glimmering in their eyes. Their dried out lips parsed to speak but only a hasty breathe came out.

It followed up with this sick, nearly lucid, expression. Only worsened by their sunken in cheeks and red eyes.

Janus hesitated and forced a nod “It’s okay darling. We can both stay here for the rest of the day, Right Rem?”

Remus quickly nodded along “Oh yeah!! I got all the time in the world for my beloved beanpole!”

Remy’s expression softened and the terror drained away “That sounds great girlies”

The two of them helped Remy up on their unsteady feet. They leant against their friends as they dragged them over to the couch. They kept mumbling out apologies for being so slow and in return the other two kept loudly reassuring how okay going slow was.

“Let’s get us some water okay” Janus said as the Rems slumped down onto the couch “Water is good-”

“Water has like 3 atoms. At Least!” Remus chimed in.

“Right. True. very true. Facts even”

It was probably a bit naive to think but Janus still hoped that a day’s rest and loads of support from the both of them would shake Remy out of the mindset Virgil had trapped them in just for long enough so they could be convinced to leave.

For now Janus went out into the kitchen and filled three glasses with water. They leant down near a corner and whispered.

“Any watcher nearby? I could use a package of their meds”

It took a few seconds before a package of strong painkillers was spit out into their hand. Some weird substance had gotten stuck on the edge of the package. They were unsure if it was general void goo or snail slime, either way they shook it off.

“Thank you”

When Janus got back to the living room Remus had completed his transformation into an octopus by throwing his arms around Remy as hard as he could and aggressively rubbing the the sides of their faces together. They seemed to enjoy it.

“Should I even ask what you’re doing” Janus asked dryly while sitting down next to them.

“I’m marking Beanie as my territory!! OH! In the real world animals mark their territory by peeing. Beanie do you want me to pee on you” Remus hopefully joked.

“Omgushh girrrlll you finally got my signals like yeeeah totallly would love to”

“I should have just left you two to dehydrate to death” Janus rolled their eyes while handing out the glasses.

“Thanks Jannie!” “Thank you SnakeyBakey!” 

The Rems clinked their glasses together. Remus poked his fingers into the water and splashed it onto the other Rem right when they drank. They let out a loud fake gasp and threw a pillow onto his head.

Janus moved their beanie over their eyes and melted into the couch. With their eyes closed they sat there for a long time, simply listening to the Rems squabbling, chatting and gossiping. They let themself daydream that the three of them were sitting in some other apartment, and everything was at peace.

“I thought being on meds could help with how easy you get bruised” Remus suddenly said. He had attempted to lick the bruise near their temple to make it heal faster.

“That’s not how fibro works sweetie”

“Just checking here, but you are still taking your meds” Janus lifted the beanie just enough to look at them “Right? I can’t recall the pain ever being so bad it limited your ability to walk this much”

Remy got this stale grimace on their face, like they had tried to smile but failed halfway through. 

Jan reached out and placed their hand on top of Remy’s “It’s okay. Medicine is expensive. It is very understandable if you haven’t been able to get them regularly”

“Yeah!! Especially while alone!” Remus chimed in.

“Exactly. So it is good that I requested some of your medicine from the watchers”

He took out the meds from his pocket. Before he even had a chance at opening it Remy had reached around his wrist to stop him. They met his eyes.

“Don’t”

“Is anything..wrong?” He asked.

“I- I just-I don’t like really need meds right now. I’m managing fine”

Remus held them a little closer “I dunno Beanie. I think you would be doing equally as fine if someone chainsawed off your toes”

Janus squeezed their hand ever so carefully “If...If it’s anything with Virgil...He’s not here right now. There is literally no possible way for him to know if you have taken medication or not. He will never know”

Remy’s breathing began to fasten. They shook their head. “I- I really don’t need- I can’t-”

“It’s okay. All the meds will do is relieve the pain. There won’t be any signs of you taking it”

“I DON’T NEED IT!” Remy yelled. 

Their limbs twitched without them controlling any of it. Their legs nearly kicked Janus. Remus held onto them even harder, his eyes went a bit glazed as dissociation kicked in.

“I’M FINE! I am managing through the symptoms FINE! I can manage through the pain! THAT’S WHAT I ALWAYS DO! I DON’T NEED THE FUCKING MEDS!”

A second went by. An egregiously slow second. Remy’s breathing was raged as all the anger went away. Their entire body started to shake and their voice sounded like it had been dragged raw as they quickly forced out

“I- I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean- I- I’m sorry- I’m sorry- I’m really sorry- I’m sorry-”

Janus sat aside the meds and reached out for them “Hey it’s okay. You didn’t hurt anyone. Breathe. Breathe. We can talk about the medicine later, it’s okay”

Remy gulped before nodding. They turned to Remus and sent him a big worried look “You alright? I’m sorry babe” They mumbled out.

“...mhm...Dissociated but...alright”

They trailed their hand along his arm to help ground him. It wasn’t the yelling that had affected him, it was how much it reminded Remus of his outbursts about medicine right after leaving Os. It reminded him of how he’d screamed at his sister about how the antipsychotics would only hurt him. Of how he kept fighting back against her suggestions of going to rehab until he started passing out in his own puke. Because Os had drilled it into his head that only the “medicine” that Os gave him could ever help. That he would be hurt by any sort of actual mental health help. That the only one who truly wanted the best for him was Os. That he couldn’t survive on his own with his crippled mind.

Remus leant close to his crush and ever so gracefully buried his face into their hair. The familiar Remy smell hit him. A mix of coffee beans, cigarette smoke, a stinch of newly rained on leaves and something that could either be weed or mold.

“Smell helps with....with grounding” He said as he held them closer. Remy just smiled and closed their eyes to enjoy his touch.

“Poor little me” Janus dramatically said while fanning themself “I’m being all left out from the cuddles.. Oh woe! What a tragedy!”

The Rems snickered before both flopping over onto them so Jan became their personal pillow. They both cuddled up against his chest while he moved his arms around them.

“Have I told....Beanie have I told you ‘bout ‘bout uhhh Snake! Jannie’s snake! Ms. Carl!?” Remus asked, eyes still a bit clouded.

“Nah girl you haven’t. Wanna tell me ‘bout it in a long detailed rant?” Remy replied with a smile even though Janus very much had mentioned Ms. Carl to them.

“Yayaya! Okay so I”

Remus went on a long detailed rant about how he’d gotten Ms. Carl and all about how he got food for her and had helped Jan buy all the things needed to properly take care of her. Remy gasped along. Jan mostly sat back and listened, only flicking in to say how much of a gorgeous long lil good girl Ms. Carl was.

“Alright!” Remus exclaimed “You’re all looking like you’ve been dropped down into a torture chamber for 8 months without any food! So it’s dinner time!! Thirsting for empanadas anyone?”

“Babe you don’t have to. I’m sure there’s like tots some cereal in the fridge”

“nuh-uh-uh! Empanadas always cheer me up! So you are getting them!! If you want to!!”

The two others nodded eventually which made Remus shine up into a big grin.

“Great! Then I’ll just run down to the closest store and get what I need! I’ll be back faster than it takes a pig without a head to die!”

He quickly got up and gave them both a short hug before bolting out the door. It took only a second before Remy had flopped down even harder onto their friend. 

“only us now” 

Janus played with the tips of their hair “Nice and calm”

“I’m sorry. I’m feeling all gross and like uhghghg gross touching you ‘cause I’m all ghghghghg. Like I’ve barely been taking care of myself”

“Darling, I don’t mind. I am literally friends with Remus..Willingly!”

They chuckled “Truuue. Ugh girl I honestly can’t even like remember the last shower I took”

“I can help you” Janus blurted out without really thinking.

He went red immediately after. Remy stared at him before bursting out into scratchy giggles.

“Oh my gosh Janny!! You don’t gotta be so smooth! Girl!!”

“I meant I could help you over to the room!! Remus is probably going to get distracted by a squirrel or sidewalk liquid so you got plenty of time to shower”

“Aw you gonna carry me over? Like a pretty lil knight?” Remy teased “You been going to the gym or somethang- Oh girl!! You would look so good in like a tank top some gum shorts, maybe some legwarmers!!”

“I may not have gone to the gym, but I have gone over to Logie’s place so I suppose I can try”

Remy kept letting out happy lil giggles as Janus sat up and tried to find the way to lift them that would case them least pain. They ended up being lifted bridal style.

One of the lights had broken so there was only a soft shine in the bathroom. There was mold growing in the corner and Virgil had taken down the fire alarm so he could smoke while bathing. 

Janus sat them down on the edge of the bathtub before turning on the tap in the bath. The two of them awkwardly stared at each other for a little while before Jan turned around. They were blushing so hard the red went down to their neck.

“Girl I’m just sitting here” Remy commented while eyeing the apparent blushing “Whatcha got lil Jannnnnnnnie so nervous?”

When he turned back they sent him the most shit eating grin he’d ever seen. He tried to casually lean against the wall “I was simply looking at this horrendous collection of mold you have. Nearly stomach turning”

They shrugged “You get used to it” They did their best to hide how much their hands were shaking from the simply effort of pulling off their dress.

There were bruises around the wrists, along their right arm, their collarbones. Bruises like fingermarks across their ribs. Jagged scrapes went across their knees along with deeply purple marks. And Janus had to pretend like the injuries weren’t the only thing they could see. Like they weren’t feeling sick to their stomach.

Remy leant down to try and drag off their socks and Janus stumbled forward without even really meaning to “Do you want me to help? I recall you needing help with uh socks before”

He got a big eyed look in response “You remember that?”

“Of course”

Their mouth was just slightly agape “You remember having to help me with my freaking socks and yet you haven’t like triple blocked my number?”

"Do you want help with it?"

They kept staring at him with wide eyes as they shrugged. He leant down on one knee in front of them and gently slipped off the socks. When he glanced up at them they were still looking at him with tender awe.

"You wanna join me?" Remy asked.

"What? In hell?"

They snickered "Not yet you silly bitch. I meant join me in the bath. Only if you like feel comfy. No like- you don’t Need to. I just thought like you do so much for me, you also tots deserve a nice warm like bath"

Janus managed to not change heir expression aside from a twitch in their eyelid. Their voice was it’s normal silky tone as they said

"Well if you also feel comfortable with it I see no reason not to"

Their thoughts were going a bit like "AAAAH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK AH OKAY FUCK WOWOWOW AHHHHH"

Jan got up and turned away from them. He unbuttoned his shirt and laid it neatly by the sink. From the corner of his eye he could see the rest of his crush’s clothes having been thrown away. A splash came from the water as Remy got in. He didn’t dare to turn around.

He reminded himself that something like this didn’t have to be romantic!!! or sexual!!! He’d showered with Patty before when they’d had to hurry to a party!! And they were just friends!!! Remy meant nothing with this!! Nothing was going to happen!!! He was just being a lovestruck idiot!!! A fucking dumbass!!

“Girl!!” Remy let out a light laugh “That’s some cute ass undies”

“Logan bought them for me”

Remy leant their head back and cackled “Of course he did!! That’s so perfect!!”

A chill went up Janus’ back. For a moment the insecure thoughts they’d managed to work away months ago came flooding back in. As they slipped off their underwear all they could think about was Remy seeing them as ugly, undesirable, annoying.

He turned around to get into the bath and was met with Remy looking directly into his eyes. They’d made themself small by pressing their knees to their chest. but there was this huge smile on their lips and pure- well pure happiness? in their eyes. Janus couldn’t quite pin what exactly the look in their eyes meant. 

He made sure to keep his gaze at their face or higher as he sat down on the other side of the bath. It was small enough that the tips of their toes nearly touched.

“You just wanna get it like over with so we don’t gotta be all stale?” Remy asked.

Janus shrugged which they both took as a yes. For about 10 seconds they both looked the other up and down. Before Remy put on an overly serious expression and held out their hand. He shook it while nodding super seriously.

“Nice cook”

“Nice cook, elegant”

Their eyes met and they both burst out into laughter. All the insecurities seemed to wash away from Jan’s thoughts.

Remy tilted their head a little and smiled “You’re so pretty”

“Well so are you” Janus replied, just a bit flushed.

“No but really girl. I just- I just like adore the way your like body moves with you. Like all your skin and little like stretch marks and the way your thighs y’know. I think I could just watch you move for hours. The way your fat folds moved as you sat down, it was so. You’re so pretty. You’re mesmerizing. Look at me being so awestruck I’m churning out big words!! And you’ve got a fat ass too!!”

Jan put on a fake smug look “Well darling it just comes with being this glamorous”

“Girl!! true!! I got 0 glamour, that’s why I’m flat as fish fuck. Ugh. I feel fucking delirious just from like looking at you. It’s no wonder Loginson is all drooly over you if he gets to like be with you 24/7. It’s like winning the lottery”

They had this wonderfully glittering look in their eyes. Like a school kid giving their crush a flower during recess. Just pure bliss of being with their love.

“Ah yes. And unlike me being with you is like winning a trip to 24 hour long rollercoaster” He replied “That was complimentary, trust me” He took the shampoo on the counter and shook it around a little “Logan says I give great head rubbings. Little does he know it is because I got a bad cause of idiot sickness when I was younger and tried to do my own locs”

“Girl I get a bad cause of the idiot every time my eyes open” 

Remy sprayed water over their hair before leaning forward to let him rub the shampoo in. They leant their forehead against his knee. The movements of his fingers were so calming their eyes nearly closed.

“you know who else has fibro?” Remy yawned out.

“Jesus?”

“Lady gaga. She’s so coooool. I wish I could be like here. Like she can like sing and take photos and dance! And wear heels! And have nice skirts and a fat ass! And I can’t even like make a Caesar salad on my own”

“Darling I can’t make a Caesar salad either. I always get stuck on the bread bits. A primal parts of my brain take over and I have to nibble them all down like a horse on horse ketamine” Janus replied “Anyhow isn’t Ms. Lady of the Gaga on a lot more treatments than you are?”

“How would you know?”

“Deary mine you showed me her documentary. You can not win this debate. Not against a fellow gay who you have ranted about missus Gaga for at least 3 hours too”

“Well shit”

Remy moved their hand into a fist and jokingly slammed it into the water. They kept making rings in the water with their finger before hesitantly running their hand along Janus’ side, right up to his waist. They followed their finger along the creases in his skin, along the rolls in his fat.

“Move your head back dear” 

Janus murmured as he put his fingers under their chin to tilt their head back. He rinsed the shampoo out while they closed their eyes and relaxed their shoulders.

“You have much thicker hair than I imagined” Jan said “I like your new hairstyle, I believe I forgot to say that earlier”

“I wouldn’t call it a new hairstyle babe. Viv cuts my hair, we haven’t really had time to lately”

“It fits you, I think at least”

“......i dunno if long hair looks good on me”

“I think you could come out in a hairstyle directly from a 7 year old girl’s mind in 2004 and you would still look great”

Remy snorted “Oh girl trust me. I’ve been dating an emo for like 10 years. I’ve seen some hairstyles from 2004 and they ain’t pretty”

“But you are”

They looked at him before letting out a snorting laugh and pushing their palm right into his face while looking away.

“Oh wow. I show my true smooth self and I get a palm as a thanks” Janus teased back while putting his hand on top of their wrist.

“Please girl, it’s a gift that I’m still in the same room as you. That’s the true compliment” They shook the shampoo around “If you wanna I can do your hair for you. Just to be nice y’know”

Janus looked them up and down before squinting “Honey are you trying to assassinate my hair? I literally have 4c hair”

It took a moment before they dropped the shampoo right into the water “oh my gosh babe I’m a stupid bitch. I’m sorry”

He let up into a wonderful little smile that made their heart ache “It’s all good”

Remy leaned forward and put their arms around his shoulders. They looked up into his eyes and saw their own reflection “Thank you Janus”

“You know how much I love taking baths, a thanks is really not needed”

“No I mean...It really helped...I feel so ugly....I’m scared my hair getting longer makes me too look fem and you- and no guys I like will be attracted to me no more...and....and” Their voice wavered “..The bruises...”

Janus tilted his head and moved to stroke his thumb against their bruised skin “The bruises doesn’t change anything about you. They’re temporary, and according to Remus bruises look badass as hell. Actually now when I think about it I know several people who would describe bruises as quite enhancing of the features”

“And you’re supposed to be one of those people?”

“No. Though I do think the only ugly part of a bruise is how it appeared. I won’t speculate on how you got yours, but I will always be here to...well listen sounds cliche....I will always be here to kick your enemies down some stairs even if those enemies is your mental health and the stairs is a therapist’s office”

Remy let up into a weak smile “Janus, Will you kiss me?”

A wave of what felt like pure electricity went up through Janus’ entire body as they looked at him. His face instantly flushed into a soft pink and his entire brain got filled with ridiculously mushy fireworks and hearts.

“...You...Remy....Virgil...You’re still dating” Janus babbled out.

“I don’t wanna like force you into anything. We don’t have to. But if you want to kiss...I...I just want to feel a bit of...relief....a break from” They glanced down at their bruised wrists “From all of this”

“I- I do” It came out as a whisper “I do”

Janus cupped their cheeks and sent a warm look. They put their hands on top of his and tilted their head just a bit. He saw as they closed their eyes and parsed their lips. Saw how their shoulders tensed up in excitement. How small laugh lines became visible next to their eyes.

He leant in and kissed them.

It was a short one. A gentle one. Like the stroke of a soft feather against their lips. He had closed his eyes as well.

Janus moved back, still with his eyes closed. He tried to play casual but his entire body was shaking with excitement. His hands inevitable shot up to happy flap. He almost didn’t dare to open his eyes.

When he finally mustered up the courage to look at them he was met with Remy absolutely shining with pure happiness. A spark of electricity went up through their body and shot out into their arms. They reached out and took his hands.

“Your lips were even softer than I’d imagined” They murmured out, though they were so excited it came out much more high pitched than they meant to.

“I love you” Was all Janus could get out in response.

“I love you too!” Remy exclaimed “I swear Janny every time I like spend time with you I fell head over heels in love all over again. It is Wild!”

“I honestly thought I was talented with words but I can’t quite place what happens in my brain when I’m near you. I- You make me very Very Very dumb. And I like it......Do you want to kiss again...?”

“OMG! GIRL! YES!!”

They threw their arms even tighter around him and meet him in a kiss. He could feel how their lips drew into a grin. He moved his hands a bit farther up their back to make them inch closer. 

The two of them moved closed until Janus’ back was against the bathtub wall and Remy was sitting in their lap. Their arms hang off of the edge of the bath. Jan broke away from the kiss to press quick kisses to their cheeks which made them let up into soft giggles.

Remy leant their head against the crook of his neck and let their lips play against his skin. Janus noticed as their muscles seemed to tense up and their movements became more rigid.

A slight shake went up their back before they started to slowly grind their hips against his as they opened their legs more. He froze in place and couldn’t help but notice the way Remy had shut their lips into a tight line. The way their toes had curdled up.

“Dear, you-”

Remy shot their head back to look at him “Sorry. Did I like make you uncomfy?”

“No! Not at all darling. It was just glaringly obvious how...your mood suddenly shifted” He let his hand rest against their cheek “There is nothing we Have to do deary. Just because we reciprocate each other’s feelings or because we’re uhhh naked and in a bath or because we had our first kiss, we don’t have to do anything. I know whenever couple’s kiss for the first time on tv they always seem to have sex immediately afterwards! But!! That just means we would be incredibly counter culture if we didn’t fuck immediately! And that is even more sexy when you think about it!”

They kept their eyes down into the water “I’m sorry for ruining it”

“You didn’t ruin anything! We can continue if you want to.....Do you want to?”

Remy tried to say no but the word wouldn’t leave their mouth. They couldn’t even shake their head. It felt like someone was strangling them. They could feel the hands around their neck. It was so real. The fingers were digging in. The nails were leaving marks.

They managed to shrug.

“A maybe isn’t a yes” Was all Janus said as he gently moved them back from his lap.

Remy crossed their arms around themselfs and tried to hide most of their face in the water. “I dunno if I want you to look at me right now” They mumbled out.

Janus started to fumble with his thumbs “..Do you wish for me to uhm leave?”

They shrugged again so he grabbed a towel and got up from the bath. He looked away from them while quickly taking on his clothes.

“I don’t know why you suddenly want me to go but I will respect it either way. Don’t...drown ?”

The moment they left the bathroom they could hear bonking followed by maniacal laughter coming from the kitchen. Remus was banging a rolling pin against a lump of dough.

“Oh hey J-anus!” He exclaimed “Finally got done with sealing away demons in the sink eh?”

“The pile of giant laundry taunted me until I helped Remy clean up. That’s all” They swiftly lied back while crossing their arms.

“C’mooonn now. You can’t lie like that to a fellow kinky hair haver. You’ve been bathing. I can see it”

Janus let out a string of muffled words that were completely unhearable.

“It’s oookkkKAy” He said while taking ahold of their hands. He pulled them along in a sort of shimy dance “I’m no teller” He actually winked “Now come here. I need your big soft librarian muscles!”

They fake sighed before going along with kneading out the dough. Remus kept pulling out weirder and weirder shaped vegetables from the shopping bag all while complimenting them on their ‘graceful kneading’.

His grin was way too big as he got to sharpen the kitchen knife. He was just about to stab the first onion when a metallic thud rang through the apartment. Followed by a muffled whimper.

The two of them shared a quick glance before abandoning everything to go over to the bathroom. Remus pressed his ear against the door and held his hand on the doorknob.

“Beanie? You good?”

“Yeah- Yeah all good- Sorry- I’m sorry” They were audibly choking back tears.

Remus opened the door just a little and glimpsed inside. Remy was laying on the floor with a towel hastily tied around their waist. Their knee was red from hitting against the bathtub.

“Sorry. I just- unstable legs. Yknow like- like” They forced a smile “Like jelly or whatever people say! I just got too excited about finally not being a grimy gross thing! Just fell a little! It’s fine! I can- I can walk and like fix it all myself! You can go whenever you want- You know that right? Whenever! I- I-”

Remus hunched down in front of them and leant his forehead against theirs. He wiped away a tear at the edge of their eye. Their shoulders were shaking.

“I’m sorry. You can leave. It’s okay. I’m sorry”

All Remy could think about was the times they’d called out to Virgil for help. His annoyed looks and harsh touches. His nearly constant rolling of the eyes or sighs and when they tried to apologize he would just shrug it off and say it was nothing. Until he let out a muttered insult. And then another. And another. until they wished they’d just rotted away in there so they didn’t have to be an annoying selfish burden of a useless problem who needs attention all the time and who only ever drain the energy of othERS AND OH GOD EVERYONE WAS GOING TO LEAVE THEM. JANUS AND REMUS WAS GOING TO REALIZE HOW HORRIBLE THEY ARE AND THEY HADN’T EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GIVE JANUS PLEASURE SO THEY MUST WANT TO LEAVE AND-

And Remus hugged them while Janus calmly unplugged the bath and picked up their clothes.

“You don’t need to say sorry Beanie. Y’know Ro gets so dramatic during every one of her periods she makes me get her like everything. You have literally seen how much caring I need while balls deep in a psychosis episode. This is nothing. Unless you’ve been affected by an alien and you’re legs are literally turning jello and you’re about to start floating down the drain pipe”

“I’m sorry”

“No! No! Beanie! This is just an opportunity for me to flex my super sexy macho muscles while helping you up!! This is only positive!! Because of this I’m gonna get so strong I’m gonna punch all the zombies when the apocalypse starts! Now c’mon”

Remus put his arm around their shoulders and let them lean against his side as he stood up. They kept looking down into the floor the entire time. Janus followed along as they went out into the living room.

He held his head close against theirs and whispered “I know that guilt. We’re not burdens, I promise. Beside now i get to honk honk”

He stared directly into his eyes as he reached out and pretended to honk their shoulder blade. It managed to get a small smile from them.

“Well! I got a kitchen to burn! Jannie? Could you-”

“Yes of course” They quickly stepped in and let Remy lean against them.

Jan led them into the bedroom and helped them down on the bed. The enby sighed and pulled up a wrinkled dress from one of the piles of unclean laundry on the floor.

The weight of the bed shifted while they put it on. They felt Janus lean his head against their spine. His fingers absentmindedly fibbled with the end of the skirt.

“I didn’t dislike the kiss” Remy mumbled out “I just had to like take a sec....I wasn’t ready for you to like not want to...not want to...get something in...return” 

“Darling mine, a kiss is already enough. I don’t need anything more than being with you. Besides it’s good. We shouldn’t- It wouldn’t- You and Virgil seem to be very- slightly- a bit codependent and I would feel horrible at best and incredibly manipulative at worst if i somehow worsened that. I don’t think it would be healthy for either of us to attempt to date or have any sort of sexual relationship before you and Virgil have departed ways and you’ve met this lovely thing called professional help”

They could feel his lips grace against their skin as he spoke. Their hand searched around behind them until they felt his warmth. They held onto his hand ever so lightly.

“I’m sorry. If you dare say ‘it’s okay’ another fucking time Girl I’m gonna bite something!”

They could literally feel the sly smile Janus got “Oh honey I’m not against some biting. Vampire affection and all that”

“Girl!! Shut up!! Jasus!!”

They rolled their eyes while biting their tongue to keep back a laugh. Janus moved his free arm around their waist and butted his forehead jokingly against their neck.

“There’s that usual Remy tone”

“High pitched and annoying?”

“High pitched, annoying and lovely”

They leant their head back and looked at him “Can’t we just kiss? Ain’t gotta date just ‘cause we kiss”

Janus hesitated before cracking up into a shining grin and kissing them. 

He laid down against the sheets and let Remy cuddle up on top of him. They twirled one of his locs between their fingers while kissing him.

“I’ve never kissed anyone except for Virgil before” Remy murmured out.

“Really? I hope I wasn’t a disappointment then”

“Nah girl. Don’t ya worry. This is like your first non Logie kiss as well right?”

Janus slowly blinked “Not really. I have” He started to count on his fingers.

“GIRL???? You gotta think this long???? Have I been hanging around a player all this time without knowing??????? JANISTER????”

“I think you underestimate how many parties Logan and Patty go to. He likes to bring me with them okay. I’m not against some mingling. Some flirting even! Gasp! I know! How mischievous of them!”

Remy let out a shrill laugh “oh hun I wish like every day could be like this. Just me and my JanJan and my fellow Rem”

Janus nearly held back his words “And Virgil?”

They didn’t respond.

He tried to break the sudden silence “On second thought I think it’s really good you turned me down. I’ve never been with someone with chronic pain before so if you would be fine with it I would like to hear what you and- what you do to prevent pain during intimacy”

Remy squinted at them “......uhhh like...like nothing...???”

“Excuse me?” They waved their hands around “I mean I suppose that feeling pain could be a positive thing during sex even for those with chronic pain! I don’t judge!”

“No! Not like that! I just- Me and Viv haven’t talked about it” They shrugged.

“You haven’t discussed....how not to cause you pain during pleasure acts? Honey I can get the same kind of pains a person would get after a workout the morning after I have done anything. I am unsure if your body is capable to go through that kind of physical activity without triggering some kind of serious pain. Deary I’m so sorry”

“It’s just like a thing that happens in relationships y’know!! Like I just kinda take it and like try to hide my whimpers and stuff to not like ruin the mood so he doesn’t like get annoyed and I try to like hold on so I don’t gotta stop in the middle like very time, and then it’s like over. I’ve never really thought it matters how I enjoy it. It’s just good for when you gotta end a fight or like make him happy or whatever”

Janus held back a grimace “My love, We can leave. Just a reminder. Even if Remus is cooking right now, if you want to leave we Will leave”

“My head hurts whenever I think of him. Everything hurts. Can’t we just go join Remus? I...It hurts”

He pressed a soft kiss to the bruise next to their eye “Of course”

Remus had finished up both the empanada dough and filling. He was putting the filling into the dough and sealing it up all prettily. His movements were slow and his eyes were staring off at the wall.

When he heard their steps, or well Janus steps since they were carrying Remy, he turned and slowly waved at them “dissociating. Dunno why....not in an upset like way so....so don’t like worry”

The smell of Oswald’s axe cologne still lingered around the kitchen from his last visit. As well as the slight smell of ketamine and rohypnol. It wasn’t prominent enough to make Remus notice it but enough to make his subconscious flight response fire up.

Remy sat down on the kitchen floor as Janus asked Remus to show them how to make the empanadas. They took over and let Remus sit down on the floor as well to rest up.

Him dissociating made Remy dissociate as well. Janus had a slight smile on their lips the entire time as he listened to the two of them groggily telling stories to each other. It was all slow downed and interrupted with both of them giggling and gasping at almost everything.

He only stopped babbling with his bestie when Jan needed to know how long the empanadas should stay in the oven. He proceeded to drag Remy out into the living room.

When Janus came out with a plate overfilled with the finished empanadas the Rems had built a blanket fort around the sofa and had put on some incredibly cheesy movie from the 90′s. Most of the dissociation had disappeared as the touch of the soft blankets were really grounding.

They both dragged Janus into the fort. Remus did a whole monologue about welcoming them into the super secret Frightening Fearful Fort. 

Remy kissed both of their cheeks “Thanks babes for the food!!!”

Jan and Remus kissed them on each of their cheeks at the same time “You’re welcome darling” “You can pay me back in blood, Worm!!” 

Remy used Jan’s tummy as a pillow and let the rest of their body stretch out between his legs. They ate while the movie played. Every now and again they would sneak kisses though Remus just made hand fisted jokes whenever he saw them.

“Awww you lil gross love birbs are sooo cute and disgusting!” Remus awed out while pouting and tilting his head “Now I gotta give 20 dollars to Ro though. She betted you def had a thing going on and I just kept saying we were all just friends”

“We are!” Remy exclaimed back.

“Friends can kiss! I have kissed Patty and we are only platonic friends and steppartners in law!”

Remus started to vibrate “Does that mean you can kiss meeeee? We can send food waste to each others mouths via tongue????”

For some reason Remy and Janus glanced at each other before both shrugging and nodding.

“GaBablaghafucgha” Was the literal noise Remus got out as he for once blushed.

He waved his hands around and tried to hide his red face by pulling his t-shirt over his head.

“Girl we weren’t gonna all sudden kiss you”

“I know!!!” 

Just the thought of it actually happening had sent him into a flustered mess. Just daydreaming about it made him melt. He couldn’t handle this. 

“AHHH! SlEEP! It IS SLEEPING TIME!! Or else the uhhhh night goblins and the Mean non blue ghosts will come and uhhh devour us and rip out our calcium!!! C’mon!! C’mon!!! SleeEEP!” Remus blurted out to distract from his flushed cheeks.

“You are really inviting yourself into Remy’s bed like that. Rude. Unclassy even. No manners” Janus tsked.

“Bitches I’mma cold ass fucker. I need my two babes warming me up!!”

“YAYAYAYA!”

They all left the dishes and blanket fort for tomorrow. Jan and Remy both quietly reassured their friend that he could leave the bed at any time if being so close to them made him uncomfortable.

None of them bothered to change their clothes. They all just piled up into the bed. Janus was dragged into the middle for cuddle reasons. The Rems curdled up on him from both sides. Remy stole another kiss.

“Goodnight babes!” “Goodnight darlings” “Goodnight sleep tight don’t let the cowboys bite!”

It took a little while to fall asleep because they kept mumbling out silly little half finished sentences and jokingly kicking at each other under the blanket, but once they did fall asleep it was the first time in several months that any of them had slept as peaceful as they did.

--

Remy woke up in the early mornings. Their body was already tensed up before their eyes had opened. But as soon as they heard Janus’ calm snoring they calmed down.

He was half laying on top of them with his arms closely spun around them. His cheek was smoshed against the top of their head. He looked so happy even with his eyes closed and drool going down his chin.

They could have probably stayed there enjoying the moment until he woke up if it wasn’t for Remus being gone from the bed. He must have tucked the blankets around them closer before he left.

The door to the living room was slightly open, letting in a streak of dim morning light. They could see Remus sitting on the couch with his back against them. They bit the inside of their cheek while thinking.

Remy looked over to the corner of the room and began to whisper “Watchers? You here? Should I like go join Rem? I mean maybe he just like woke up at a reasonable time?? or maybe he like left ‘cause he was uncomfy and it would be super rude of me to intrude????? Ugh. Why does having friends gotta be so complicated. Girl help!”

〚Hi thanks for reading all this. i just wanted to drop in and say that in the original idea for this mini fic remus wasnt there. it was bc of an ask from Snail that he was added and as you can imagine a lot of scenes changed and were added. if y’all ever wonder how much y’alls asks change things. Also i think some people have been away from the blog for a lil bit bc of exams so i hope this mini fic can sit here as a sort of present for when you come back from winning over those darn exams <3 〛

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 9

Day 9 - When you write something on your own skin it appears on your soulmate’s skin as well. (Pirates and Sirens AU)

Pairing(s): Romantic Dukeceit, Background Romantic Prinxiety

TWs: Swearing, murder mention, Remus being Remus, semi-detailed leg  and fin injury

–

Those who ran afoul of The Witch’s Serpent rarely lived to tell the tale. Many a foolish young sea-farer - far too inexperienced and overly cocky - had met their end at the hands of the galleon’s captain long before they could even hope to make their mark on the open seas. 

Captain Remus Gaspar was an impulsive, enigma of a man; capable of great feats of bravery and reckless daring do, alongside acts of cold blooded murder and remorseless torture inflicted upon those who crossed him. The sea choked on the bodies of his victims while he and his crew sipped the finest stolen wines with nary a hiccup. The naval officers of the mainland cowered in fear while Remus decimated their trade routes and sent their men to the depths to keep the fish company. In fact, only one man had faced the Captain and lived to see another day, but kept coming back for more. 

Commodore Logan Callows.

Remus would have admired him - in all senses - if not for his fanatic loyalty to the crown and it’s laws. Make no mistake, Remus very much wanted Logan’s head for a bow ornament with every fibre of his mortal being, but outside factors forbade Remus from fatally wounding the man. Namely, Logan’s first mate and closest friend was his brother-in-law, Virgil Giordano. Why did Roman’s soulmate have to be a man who could rival any opponent in a knife fight, despite being the sort to panic over the smallest change in weather conditions? Remus had no goddamn idea what fate was playing at, but he knew for certain that killing Logan would result in having to run from Virgil’s swift and immediate crusade for revenge. And if there’s one thing Remus Gaspar refused to do, it wold be spending his life in hiding.

Remus loved his brother dearly but all the familial loyalty in the world wouldn’t save him from Virgil’s wrath. He’d learned that much from his last encounter with Logan’s ship, The Inquisitor. Too many cocky remarks and attempts to stall while his men pillaged the lower decks of the ship in secret had earned him a close encounter with the business end of Virgil’s dagger. Naturally, the Captain had made things worse by uttering a rather salacious remark for which he was gifted a shiny new slash mark along his cheek.

“As a warning.”, his brother in law had hissed.

When forced to retreat, Remus had lamented the size of their haul at first. Not nearly enough sugar and spices as they’d been hoping for, but a small crate of flintlock pistols ripe for sale more than made up for the loss once they’d been discovered among the spoils. 

Thus we come to the present moment; Captain Remus, sat upon the docks with a bottle of expensive rum, staring out into the ocean blue. His men had been more than happy to give the Captain his space while they spent their time merrily drinking in the local tavern. Once he was sure he was alone, Remus removed his black leather bracer and rolled his white sleeve to stare at the message written upon it. The Captain had seen many an alphabet in his day - either scrawled upon the foreign exports stolen from trading vessels, or within his memories of home, being tutored alongside his twin as children - but Remus had never laid eyes upon the letters that adorned his skin in a shimmering golden cursive.

Naturally, ever since he’d first been written to, Remus had made an effort to search for the script, but the only ‘lead’ he had been given was an old woman selling wares a couple of ports prior who had raved on and on, claiming it to be the language of the sirens. He’d scoffed at the idea and decided it likely wasn’t worth trying to work out in the first place.

Remus had never been one to buy into this whole soulmates arrangement. Even the day Roman had shown him the violet cursive that had appeared like magic, Remus had rolled his eyes and sworn off taking such a thing seriously. After all, acknowledging that kind of thing brought about some rather unpleasant thoughts he would rather not think about. The fierce Captain liked to play remorseless, but in truth, Remus simply knew that life at sea demanded blood, and it was up to him whether it’d be the blood of his enemies, or his crew and himself. But that didn't stop his mind wandering into territories he wished it would stay out of.  How many men lay on the sandy shores of the depths with messages from soulmates unaware of their beloved’s fate? Did severing the connection hurt? Would fate allow those whom he’d unknowingly widowed to love again? Or had he doomed them to a life alone with no one to share such a connection with ever again?

… More rum would be needed it seemed. 

A clattering from the nearby rock shoal drew Remus out from his own mind with a couple of curses leaving the Captain as he knocked over the rum bottle and watched a good portion of it pour away before he could right it again. 

“Son of a bitch!”, he hissed, corking it and casting a glare towards the rockpool where the clattering had come from. Whoever had just cost him a good amount of rum was in for the brawl of their life. Remus threw on his coat and cursed his inebriated steps over the craggy rock face, swearing once again as he nearly rolled his ankle when his boot sunk into an unseen rockpool. He wrenched his leg free and crested the large flat rock in his way. 

The second his eyes could focus, Remus made a mental note to find that old woman on their round trip and apologise. 

Sprawled on it’s side nestled in the sand was an honest to god siren. The Captain was mesmerised by the creature; it’s long golden hair flowed over it’s scaled shoulders and torso, complimented by it’s black and yellow streaked fin-like ears that fluttered angrily each time it hissed. It wasn’t hard to work out why it was so angry. The creature’s left leg fin had been hooked in a rather nasty mess of fishing line and barbed hooks. The Captain had seen the technique used before to ensure a plentiful haul, who knew it could catch such a creature of legend so easily?

Perhaps Remus was succumbing to the creature’s charms, or maybe he was just too drunk already to think things through, but he found himself whistling to the creature to catch it’s attention. The way the creature’s panicked, beautiful eyes met his own momentarily knocked the wind from his chest as he wheezed out, “Need help?”

 It let out a strangled sound and scrambled backwards, only to let out a cry of pain as it’s injured leg dragged along the sand. The Captain dropped down from his rock perch and made his way over,

“Woah there! Unless you want that fin ripped out you should lemme unhook you-”

Despite the excruciating pain it must’ve been in, it still managed to hiss dangerously at Remus in a voice that felt like a million tiny hands groping around in his brain with every syllable,

“Stay back!”

Remus’ halted momentarily, the voice in his head warning him, “Come any closer and I won’t hesitate to eat you alive!”

In spite of any semblance of common sense, Remus impulsively shot a cocky grin the creature’s way, “Kinky!”

The siren wasn’t amused. 

It lunged forward to swipe at Remus, but the Captain caught it’s arm, making sure his grasp wasn’t painful, but firm.

“Watch it, you’re gonna take someone’s eye out! Or maybe these beauties will just gouge a couple chunks outta my face-” 

Remus’ rambling was cut short as he saw the siren’s expression shift from a ferocious snarl to one of immediate fear.

“Please don’t kill me-”, it murmured quietly, slapping it’s free hand over its mouth. It tried to change back to a more aggressive persona but Remus refused to be intimidated,

“The last thing I wanna do is hurt you. Now are you gonna be a good lil fishy and let me unhook you?” 

The siren scanned his face with those enchanting eyes once again, scrutinising every inch of Remus before it huffed and turned away from his gaze. The Captain took it as a sign of an indignant ‘do whatever you want’ and sat on the sand next to the siren, already beginning to carefully remove the hooks as best he could. Each wince the creature gave was met with an apology until Remus got the hang of it. 

“.....What’s your name?”, Remus mused to the surprised siren, “Might as well get to know each other, right?”

The creature mumbled something Remus couldn’t understand under it’s breath but relented reluctantly, “My name is Janus. At least, that's how you humans would pronounce it.” 

“It’s a beautiful name. Mine’s Remus.”, the Captain mumbled, too hyper focused on removing the hooks to see the way Janus’ cheeks flushed a dark ochre colour. Once the last hook had come loose, both of them let out a shared sigh of relief; Remus admired his job well done but grew concerned as Janus went to stand up. “Hey, you’re going to hurt yourself doing that.”, he warned, to which Janus scoffed, attempting to hide his emotions once more.

“I’ll be fine, Remus, I’ll heal quickly-”

“The salt water’s gonna sting like a bitch.”, Remus cut in.

Noting the wince Janus gave in response, he continued, “At least let me take you to my ship so I can bandage you up proper-“ 

“No!”, Janus declined fiercely, though he softened right after, letting Remus know it was likely a reflexive reaction, “I apologise. I… I’m rather wary of that kind of thing. Please understand.”

Remus sighed and stood up, taking off his coat to place it around Janus’ shoulders. The siren stiffened, though curiosity got the better of him and he softly touched the warm material. Janus inhaled and immediately was hit with the smell of the garment; a mix of body odour, dried blood, sea salt, and countless food-like smells. Not to mention the reek of old alcohol.

“In the name of Uranus, do you never clean this ornate rag!?”

Remus cackled, taking Janus’ hand to lead him to The Witch’s Serpent, noting that his fingers were webbed. Adorable. 

“Nope! Not since I hauled it off the guy I ran through to get it!”

Janus’ nose crinkled at that yet the siren kept following Remus towards his ship. With a proper glance in the light of the port, Janus piped up, “Oh. That’s an interesting coincidence.”

“What is?”, Remus questioned, making sure no one was aboard yet so he could lift a flustered Janus on deck despite the embarrassed glare he received from the siren.

“I’ve been following your ship for months.”, Janus elaborated, trying to regain his footing on the decks, “With the scraps and bodies you leave behind in your wake, I rarely have to bother hunting for new prey.”

Ah. Remus wasn’t sure what to make of that yet, simply shrugging, “Good to know you’ve been freeloading this whole time.”. 

Once more taking the hand of the siren, Remus led him towards the Captain’s Quarters; the room was just as gilded and ornate as the coat keeping Janus warm, with various trinkets, maps, paintings, and oddities given their own place within the room. Taking the opportunity to snoop around while Remus was rooting around in his desk drawer for bandages, Janus allowed his eyes to lead him on a journey around the room. A telescope, a star map, family photos, animal bones, even a goblet made from a man’s skull connected atop a metal stem, Janus had never seen so many interesting and macabre items. His interest peaked when his gaze landed on a beautiful topaz necklace resting on a book of fairytales.

Janus’ fingers traced the jewellery adoringly. It was rare for such trinkets to end up on the seafloor unless a storm had sent an unfortunate vessel to the depths. Not that Janus was ever lucky enough to get at the spoils; the boisterous captain may be sweet on him, for who knows what reason, but his own kind were never too fond of Janus’ standoffish nature and biting remarks. Of course, Janus didn’t care if he was lonely. He didn’t. Not at all. “You can have it if you want.”

Remus’ voice startled the siren who nearly tripped over the end of the Captain’s large coat. He chuckled and slowly lifted the necklace off the book to carefully let it loop over Janus’ neck.

“It suits you. Really brings out the scales.”, he complimented. Without giving Janus a second to process the act of kindness, Remus led him towards a wooden armchair in front of his desk. He guided Janus to sit down in the chair while Remus sat on the desk itself. To his side was a roll of bandages and a cloth, ‘for the blood trail’ he’d explained, gesturing to the droplets patterning their route. Janus watched the captain remove his bracers and sink to the floor to tend to his wounds. By the gentle way the Captain held and bandaged him, Janus assumed the man had sobered enough for the siren to pose the question,

“Why?”

Remus frowned, looking up to lock eyes with the siren, “Why what?”

“Why’re you...”, being so kind? Treating me so sweetly? Not trying to kill me to sell my skin? “.... treating me like this? You realise I threatened to eat you earlier, right?”

The Captain shrugged, his expression as blank as before, “Yeah. But you didn’t. And you got all fucked up in some moron’s fishing line, so it wasn’t like you posed much of a threat-”

“Exactly.”, Janus interrupted in frustrated confusion in his tone, “My voice is out of practice, if you wanted to, you could’ve slaughtered me for my skin. Any human would be a fool not to. But here you are, treating me like I’m worth more to you alive than dead. Adorning me in such… expensive trinkets.”

Remus’ brow furrowed at that. “For someone who threatened to eat me earlier, I figured you’d practice a little more self preservation.”

The siren scoffed, “I didn’t say I wanted to be slaughtered, I’m merely trying to work out why you wouldn’t take such a chance. Doesn’t your species enjoy monetary gain? Like I said, any human would be a fool to miss such an opportunity- oW!”

Janus fixed Remus a glare as the Captain flicked the abused tip of his leg fin, “First off, yeah, I like money but that's not what I do this shit for. Secondly, most humans think your kind aren’t even real. If I waltzed into town claiming I had siren skin to sell, I’d be run outta town as a conman. Besides, if I’m nice to you, I’ll have an ally in the water, and that's far more valuable to me.”

As he wrapped up the calf area for good, Remus grinned up at the siren, “You’re also really handsome, so that helps.”

Janus’ face crinkled in a flustered surprise, “Remus, I’m part fish-”

“You’re still handsome as fuck.”

“I’m not even using my human glamour-”

“And? You’re hot.”

“I’m literally covered in fish scales-!”

“Still hot!”

Janus couldn’t think of another rebuttal, so Remus counted it as a win for him. He rolled his sleeves to tackle the rest of the injuries when he caught Janus’ eyes tracing the fresh scar on his cheek.

“Wondering how I got this scar?”

“I may be interested.” came the coy reply.

Remus smirked, “You could call it a gift from my brother-in-law. I got a little too up close and personal with his best friend and found up with this beauty. It’s a shame, said bestie’s pretty fun but he’s the biggest pain in my ass since this one time I ate some bad eels-”

“That’s charming,”, Janus interrupted in disgust, “Why don’t you simply dispatch this ‘bestie’ and be done with him?”

“Can’t. If I did that, Virge-”

“Who?”

“My brother-in-law.”

“Ah. Continue.”

“Virge would hunt me down to the ends of the Earth and the last thing I wanna do is trade away my freedom to do whatever the fuck I want.”, he averted his gaze to Janus’ leg and kept bandaging it; whoever had put that line into the ocean had no idea the damage it’d caused to such a beautiful creature. “Besides, if I hurt Virge like that, my brother Roman would be miserable. Even if he probably hates me, some dumb bitch part of me really doesn’t want him to feel like shit just ‘cause I went and upset his soulmate.”

Janus scoffed quietly. It lacked the venom he no doubt intended it to have but the disdain was enough to draw the Captain’s attention. “You humans are far too sentimental. My kind have no qualms treating even close family like scum if we so desire. Even our soulmates it would seem..”

Remus caught the darting glance Janus sent towards his scaled wrist, noting the sigh he suppressed. “.... They’re a damn fool to not want you.”, the Captain murmured thoughtfully as he finally finished the upper shin bandaging. He wiped his brow with the heel of his palm but stopped as he felt smoothe fingers wrap around his wrist. His confusion was answered as the siren bore holes into the sliver of writing on his arm with those mesmerising eyes.

“You’re not the only one having soulmate trouble,”, Remus began answering, “Never really cared much for this shit, but now I got a message, I can’t make heads or tails of it-”

“Help me. I need you.”

Remus locked eyes with Janus, the siren’s own eyes wide with realisation and looking ready to bubble with tears, “That's what it says. It’s in Aquan. I wrote that to my soulmate while I was feeling…. rather vulnerable.”

Unsure of how to react to this turn of events, Remus stood and sat on his desk once more. He was too stunned to reply at first. A million questions swelled and crashed upon the shores of his brain, all fighting to be asked, but Janus beat him to the punch.

“Why did you never write back?”, the hurt in his voice stabbed at the Captain’s heart, “I mean, even if you couldn’t understand me, why didn’t you just...”

Remus wasn’t sure himself. No, that was a lie. He simply never fathomed that the message had been a cry for help. 

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking.”, he began, looking to Janus - no, his soulmate, and asking in return, “What happened?”

Janus sucked in a breath through his teeth, “.... It was a moment of weakness but….. My family had cast me out. Not that it was all too surprising, nor could I stand most of them anyway, but… being left alone to wander by yourself is a rather terrifying thought no matter the situation. I’d reached my breaking point. I felt like I’d been abandoned by my kin entirely. I thought perhaps my soulmate would be there for me. I never imagined you were human.”

“Makes sense. I’m sorry your family sucks ass.”. Eloquent as always. But hey, the snicker that got from the siren was worth it in Remus’ eyes. “And I’m sorry I didn’t write back. But I guess it’s good we finally crossed paths.”

Remus gestured for Janus to join him on the desk, to which the siren accepted the offer, being careful not to catch the coat he was still adorned in on anything on the way up. With his soulmate seated by his side, Remus wrapped an arm around the siren and held him close. Janus gave a lop-sided, fond smile, leaning into the act of comfort and gently resting a hand on Remus’ chest.

“What now then, my Captain?”, Janus’ voice was as soft and sweet as a ripe peach. Remus knew it’d require a lot of explanation where his crew was concerned, but he wasn’t about to let Janus slip away from him. He pressed a kiss to the siren’s temple, relishing the blush that spread over Janus’ cheeks. With a grin, Remus cackled,

“Simple, we make good on this alone time we’ve got ‘til my crew get back!”

--

Sorry this one’s so late TTvTT I miight need some time to finish days 10 and up, but I’ll get things written asap. @tsshipmonth2020

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses @fandomsofrandom 

[lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie]

You And I

Summary:  The wedding was a disaster. The recent episode was a disaster. Roman feels like no one understands him anymore. Well, so he thought. Maybe he and Logan have more in common than they thought. Maybe something better is in store for them.

Pairings: Logince

Warnings: a bit of yelling in the beginning

Taglist:@larrymalecsolangelo (I hope this counts as Roman angst!)

________________________________________________________________

Logan sighs. Another day, another episode of him getting shoved aside and ignored. At this point, he’s used to it. The silence is just as welcoming anyway. He decides not to get too irrational over it and sits at his desk, working on Thomas’ schedule instead. Soon he gets really into it, typing away and writing things down. As he continues to type on, the sound of a slamming door startles him out of his work trance. Sighing again, the logical side pushes his chair back and rubs at his temples in slight frustration. Before he can even stand, he hears a muffled growl from the wall beside his bed. 

Roman’s room is on the other side. The creative side was often loud and noisy at almost all times of the day. He usually quiets down before midnight. Logan has grown used to the prince’s noise, wearing headphones when it got too noisy for him. Though now, Logan’s hearing sounds he hasn’t heard from Roman before. Nothing like this. Has Roman always made these sounds? Logan swallows, unsure of what to do or how to feel as more noises come from Roman’s room.

Another growl.

Shattering glass.

Screaming. 

Crying.

Things crashing.

Things falling.

Papers tearing and being crumpled.

Fists banging on a table.

“IT’S NOT FAIR!”

Logan pulls back at that, feeling his heart pound harder than ever. It’s never done that. What had happened while he was gone? Should he even ask? He doesn’t know. He can’t tell if Roman is really, really hurt or is being his dramatic self again. He remains sitting on his bed, trying to listen for more sounds. So far, he hears footsteps and heavy breathing. It’s silent then for a moment before a faint knock filters in. Roman’s sigh is heard then the sound of his footsteps follow as he answers the door. Patton’s sad but apologetic voice is soon heard as well.

“Hey, ki-”

“I’m not apologizing.”

“But-”

“But nothing, Patton. He gets away with calling me the evil twin but I’m in trouble for making fun of his name? Is that what you wanted to say?”

“Roman…”

“Don’t. Don’t play the victim. Don’t try to apologize. I’m done trying to get you all to listen to me for once. I’m done playing as your little prince. I’m done being your kiddo.”

“Y-You don’t-”

“I do. Now, don’t you have a snake to welcome to the family or are you going to scold me for being rude again?”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Roman. Please, won’t you listen?”

An empty humorless laugh surprises Logan next along with what Roman says.

“Listen? Listen?! Patton, that’s all I’ve been doing! I’ve been following your lead. I trusted Janus and you say I was wrong. I didn’t trust Janus and you’re telling me I’m wrong again. And you expect me to listen to you again?! Look, I’m not adding to my already long list of mistakes. In fact, I won’t add to anything at all.”

“W-What? What do you mean?”

“Well, clearly you don’t want my input in anything. It’s too much or not enough or just plain childish. Sound familiar?”

Both Logan and Patton wince at that one. Logan more surprisingly. How much did Roman take his words to heart?

“Kiddo...you know we only meant well when we said that. We just want what’s best for Thomas.”

“No, YOU want what’s best for Thomas. YOU constantly shut the rest of us down when we try to share ideas. YOU only listen if it’s beneficial for Thomas. YOU don’t listen to any of us. Tell me, when was the last time you even let Logan have a chance to speak?”

That surprises Logan. He and Roman usually butt heads when it came to their functions and trying to help Thomas. Why did Roman care now?

“I...I do try to listen.”

“Do you? Because if you did, maybe you wouldn’t have to scold me. Maybe this mess wouldn’t have happened. Maybe our family wouldn’t be such a disaster!”

“Roman! How can you say that about us?”

“Because we are! We’re all broken and you can’t accept that! All you want is to put bandaids on the cracks and call it better. But it’s not better! It...It never will be…”

A sniffle follows and it’s not from Patton. It’s from Roman.

“It will...We all just need some time.”

“Time? For what? For us to forget all of this and move on like nothing happened? Like Janus didn’t just manipulate me like that? Like how we hurt Thomas and made things worse? Patton, stuff like this isn’t fixed with time...it’s not forgettable. I can’t forget...I...just get out.”

“But-”

“GET. OUT.”

Another door slam is heard followed by Roman’s growling and stomping. He’s heard climbing into his bed then...he sounds like he’s...sobbing? Has Roman ever sobbed? Odd. Logan’s never heard Roman sobbing before. Had he kept his headphones on his ears too long to even notice? Why does his heart feel heavy listening to this? Logan doesn’t understand much.

“It’s not fair...The one time I try to do something, I mess up. I always mess up. Everything went wrong because of me. Janus was accepted. Thomas got hurt. And...And I let Logan be impersonated next. He definitely hates me for that now. But then again, what’s a little more hate? Logan already has so many reasons to hate me. He made that loud and clear when he threw that paper ball at me. I can’t blame him. Emotions are hard to control. I should’ve known better. Anger isn’t easy for me to control either...oh stars, I’m a mess…”

That takes Logan aback. How long had Roman felt like this? Had he really hurt the prince this bad for him to feel this way? Just how bad did the creative side’s heart hurt? He doesn’t know but what he does know is that someone does understand how he feels. And he understands that someone. Deciding to fix his past mistakes and to make it up to Roman, Logan wiped his face that he now realizes is a little wet. He stands up, taking a deep breath before leaving his room. He then walks over to Roman’s room, knocking on the white and golden gilded door. A moment of silence passes by before the door opens and Roman shuffles out.

Roman’s actually a mess. His beloved prince costume is wrinkled and disheveled, the sash wrapped around the hand he must’ve used to smash the mirror. His eyes are red and puffy and his lips are set on a deep frown. His hair is a little messy as well. 

“Hey, Logan. Here to yell at me too for letting the snake get to you?” the prince sighs, voice tired from all the screaming and crying.

Logan feels the heavy weight in his heart grow...heavier.

“No...I came to talk to you, actually. I apologize if I were eavesdropping but I overheard you. Remember, my room is beside yours. I just wished to speak about today’s events and what I missed. It’s alright if you do not want to disclose anything but I need to know and I do not feel comfortable asking anyone else.” he explains awkwardly, fiddling with his tie.

Roman blinks before sighing again, rubbing at his sash covered hand.

“So...you want to hear the fall of Prince Roman Sanders and how he messed up, letting the snake win?” he asks tiredly. “Or would you like to hear the story of how Roman Sanders lost his title as Thomas’ hero?”

Logan frowns in concern at that, seeing the brokenhearted look in Roman’s eyes. He’s never seen that look in his eyes before. Then again, he never even bothered to look Roman much in the eye. Just how much is Roman really hurting? Did he himself contribute to that too? Had he been just as harsh? More and more questions fill his mind but Logan blinks and focuses, remembering what he came here for. Though maybe he should stay...

“I only wish to know what happened after Janus decided to...shove me aside again. Whatever is, it seems to upset you.” he says.

“I am upset, Logan!” Roman cries angrily. “Everything went wrong for me and I don’t know what to believe in anymore!”

“I...see...Well, if you really do not want to talk about the video then I shall take my leave.”

Logan turns to leave-

“Janus was accepted...”

Now that made Logan stop and turn around, that heavy feeling in his heart growing more. He’s never seen Roman so...down. It’s an odd thing to see the normally confident prince like this.

“So...he’s a light side now?” 

Roman nods numbly, lips quivering as tears streamed down his face. He didn’t bother to dry them or even compose himself. What was the point? Logan’s already seen how awful he looked and he’s heard the things he’d been trying to keep quiet. He sighs, plopping down on his bed and hugging himself tightly till his knuckles started turning white in hopes that Logan wouldn’t at least see him shaking. 

But Logan notices it for a microsecond, frowning and taking a step towards Roman. He doesn’t know what this weight in his chest is still but...it grew even heavier. Unsure of where to go from there, Logan awkwardly sits beside Roman, looking the prince up and down as he chooses his next words.

“How...did he get accepted?” the logical side asks, wincing slightly when he sees Roman stiffen before sighing. 

Before Logan can take the question back, Roman answers it. He tells him what happened, word for word. The fight between him and Patton against Janus. How Thomas got hurt. How Janus revealed his name. How he laughed in reply. How Janus called him the evil twin. How no one cared to defend him. How Thomas lied about being his hero. He told Logan everything he remembered and more. When he was done, tears were pouring out of his eyes. 

Logan is...well, he’s ironically speechless. Sure, Janus had his moments of arrogance and cruelty but to hit Roman where it really hurts...that was going too far. Even if he and Roman clashed and threw insults at each other in the past, he never wanted to bruise the prince’s ego. He never wanted to cause harm. Anger was just hard for him to control...and now so it was for Roman too. So he finds himself touching Roman’s shoulder, feeling the prince shiver.

“That’s quite the ordeal. I will be honest...I’m not happy about Janus’ actions all the same. He...He did not have to hurt you to get what he wanted.” Logan says, anger flashing in his eyes along with this newfound need to protect Roman. “Or me...If he really wanted what was best for Thomas, you’d think he knew better to work with us and not against us.”

Roman sighs but doesn’t brush Logan’s hand off. It felt...nice.

“Spare me the lies, Logan. You’d choose him over me too. He’s mature and smart and probably more realistic than I’ll ever be.” he sighs. “Besides, why would you care about me? I made fun of you and I fought with you. I even let you get impersonated and shoved aside. Don’t you hate me too?”

Logan’s heart breaks, hearing that. He felt bad. Very, very bad...Oh. Guilt, there it is. That’s what he was feeling inside. That’s what that weight in his heart was. So he squeezes Roman’s shoulder, looking at him again.

“I don’t think I ever have. I know we had our arguments and our moments but I don’t think I could ever dislike you. You are so much more than it seems. I was a blind fool to see that.” he admits, flustering slightly. “I never even saw how much you’ve been hurting, Roman. Sometimes I forget you’re more than just creativity. You’re the ego…”

“And egos bruise easily…” Roman finishes with a sigh. “Which makes me bruise easily. Why do you think I play the role that I do? Who wants to see a broken and ugly Roman?”

Logan frowns, seeing another tear roll down Roman’s cheek. He finds himself unable to stop as the hand on the prince’s shoulder moved to his face and wiped the tear away. He definitely didn’t miss the way Roman seemed to lean into his touch with want. It makes Logan wonder just how lonely Roman felt. And maybe...maybe he understood that feeling. Those desires for even just a gentle touch. A chance to be heard. Even just the barest hint of acknowledgment. Maybe a praise. A real praise. Maybe he can give some to Roman...even if he can’t receive any himself.

“I do not think you’re broken or ugly. You’re Roman. The creative and romantic side. The ego. A side with talent far better than mine. A side who can build worlds and bring ideas to life in the blink of an eye. A side who deserved better than what the world has given to you. A side who’s much more than a prince.” Logan says, caressing Roman’s cheek. “A side I should have gotten to know better. A side I…”

It’s then that Logan realizes a new feeling he hasn’t felt in a while. It was warm and fuzzy and..right. It was heated and curious. It was a desire to pull Roman close and never let go. It was a need to make Roman the happiest side ever. It was...It was...oh...love. That’s the one. Love is something new and old to Logan. He felt it and stopped feeling it and now...he’s feeling it again. The last time he felt love was...several months ago on a Christmas morning. 

He felt it, seeing Roman smile and sing at the top of his lungs. He felt it whenever Roman said his name with glee. He felt it when he saw Roman beam at his rare praises (something he realizes he needs to make less rare). He felt it when Roman gave him his gift. He felt it reading through the pages. He thought he’d fallen in love with Sherlock but...it was never Sherlock...was it?

“Specs?...Logan?”

Logan blinks and realizes he’s been staring at Roman’s face, the prince’s eyes gazing up at him curiously. Oh...he’s much closer now. Very...very...close. For a moment Logan couldn’t breathe but then he remembers and flusters.

“Ah...A-Apologies. I may have overstepped my boundaries.” Logan says, starting to pull away.

“W-Wait!” Roman grabs his wrist and puts his hand back on his cheek, nuzzling it with a shy but faint smile. “I...you can keep doing it.”

Roman doesn’t know why can’t stop or pull away. It just felt nice. The touches. The attention. He just needed to know if it were true. What if Logan was lying? What if Patton just sent him? What if Janus was impersonating him again? What if-

“Roman...Roman, you’re overthinking, love. I see it in your eyes.” Logan suddenly cuts through, tilting the prince’s head up with a finger under his chin. “What’s on your mind?”

Roman flusters, turning as red as his sash. Logan’s never called him ‘love’ before. He bites his lip, looking away for a moment but the hand on his cheek makes him look back up again into Logan’s pretty eyes. 

“It’s just...after what happened...um…” he starts but doesn’t know how to say it without upsetting Logan through his words.

Logan notices the fear in his eyes and softens.

“I can assure you, I am not leaving you. Nor am I Janus in disguise. And most importantly, my words are true. To lie to you now, that would only break your heart and that is not what I want to do.” he whispers.

“B-But...how do I know you’re...you?”

Logan manages a tiny smile and looks Roman in the eyes, taking Roman’s hand and placing it gently on his cheek. Oh...so that’s what a gentle touch felt like. He wonders...would Roman ever let him have more? Perhaps another time, Logan tells himself as he looks into Roman’s eyes.

“I could never wear scales for you, my dear. I am myself. And I bear the scar from Janus’ actions.” he assures the creative side, tilting to the side and showing the mark that Janus left from yanking him away with his cane.

Roman sees it and doesn’t stop himself from reaching up and tracing his fingers over it. He concentrates and heals the mark, his fingers lingering on the skin. Guilt fills his heart and glimmers in his eyes. If he hadn’t opened his big mouth, Logan wouldn’t have been harmed. If he hadn’t been so focused on himself...he at least would have noticed Logan sooner. Logan should have been noticed sooner. Maybe now is a good time to try and apologize?

“Logan?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry…”

Logan blinks, gazing softly at Roman, caressing his cheek again to stop his shaking.

“What for, my dear?”

Roman flusters but sighs, playing with Logan’s tie.

“For not noticing you sooner. For being dumb and helping Janus impersonate you. I should have helped you like a hero.” he mumbles, running his thumb over the blue silky fabric.

Logan feels himself soften at that apology, smiling at Roman. He feels warmer than ever and it didn’t seem so bad. It made him feel a little lighter even. He tilts Roman’s head up again.

“Don’t blame yourself for that. You didn’t know. I should have seen Janus coming too. But know you are not at fault for anything. Janus manipulated the both of us. It’s him that we blame.” he says, a dark look flickering in his eyes for a moment.

Roman blinks in surprise.

“That’s it? No yelling or telling me I messed up again? No fights or arguments?” 

“None. There is no reason or cause for any of that. We’ve hurt each other in the past. I believe it’s time to move on from that. I know now just how much you’re hurting and I know I had a part in causing that. If you’d let me, I’d like to make that right.”

Roman looks at Logan with wide watery eyes, searching for that golden glint of deception. He searches for that yellow-slitted eye. But...there’s nothing there but that mesmerizing ocean blue. Even when he leans so close to the point where their lips could almost touch, he sees nothing but that truthful gazes.

“After everything I said and did...you’d forgive me?” he asks one last time to be sure.

“Of course, my dear. Shall I do something more to prove it?” Logan replies, eyes flickering to Roman’s irresistible lips.

Roman nods and Logan pulls him close, his lips touching the other’s. It’s soft and careful and light, an opening left there should Roman want to back out. But...he doesn’t. Roman, having grown desperate for any kind of affection, kisses back. His hands cling to Logan as if he were afraid he’d leave him to kiss the air. A soft but contented sigh leaves Roman in between kisses, feeling Logan’s arms now wrap around him and hold him tight. It just felt...safe. So safe...that he wants more and more. 

Logan, on the other hand, is feeling that heat inside grow hotter. He’s never felt anything like this before. He wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to. But now? He felt wonderful, incredible, and so many more words that would take him a while to list down. This...This hot and electrical rush was too good to let go of. It makes him wonder why he held back all those years. Like Roman would have sung...so this is love…

Then they pull away, gazing at each other in wonder, faces flustered and a pretty red. There’s this warm and secure atmosphere they’ve created for each other. It’s silent as they smile at each other, wondering what to say next. Never in their wildest dreams did either of them think they’d end up here, kissing each other after being at each other’s throats for years. This was definitely much nicer. So they bask in the silence for a moment. Then,

“Logan?” Roman breaks that silence.

“Yes, my dear?”

“Thank you. For everything.”

“Of course, Roman. I...I love you.”

Roman blinks before smiling softly.

“I love you, too.” he caresses Logan’s cheek before remembering their situation with Janus and the others, “So what happens next?”

“Well, you have me and I have you, right?” Logan replies, squeezing Roman’s hand.

“Right, but I meant with the others. Do we really have to stay with them when Janus is there?”

“Do you want to?”

Roman sighs.

“No…”

“Then what do you propose we should do, my dear?”

“Hmm…”

A week then passes after the POF incident and Roman and Logan have decided to avoid the others, hiding in their rooms. Sometimes Roman would spend all day in Logan’s room and vice versa. The two of them could hear Patton apologizing profusely at the other door. They could hear Janus muttering half-hearted apologies and insincere regrets. But neither Roman or Logan cared. If Patton and Janus wanted to ignore them then they’ll ignore them back. Patton always did say to follow the golden rule.  

Soon it’s evening again and Logan’s spending his day in Roman’s room. They were sitting on the bed and talking about different things, chuckling quietly among themselves as they talked about a plan Roman suggested. Something he says that’s been long overdue as well as help them really get away from the others. 

“Are you sure about this, Roman?” Logan asks one more time as a precaution.

“Yes, love. For the millionth time, we’ll be fine. I promise, it’ll help all of us and we can be free there. No more being ignored or silenced. We can be us!” Roman grins excitedly.

Logan chuckles, something he’s been doing more since he’s gotten together with Roman.

“Alright but do know there are consequences too.”

“Relax, Lo. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

With that, Logan lets himself be tugged along and led to the door to the Imagination. The two walk through and traverse the land until they reach the border that Roman’s half from the darker part of the Imagination. They walk over the marble bridge, through the center gazebo and down some rickety steps. It’s dark now and cold but Roman isn’t phased. He’s been here enough and has grown used to the atmosphere here. That, and the creatures here have been created to cause no harm unless their maker wills it. Before the two know it, they’re at a familiar green and onyx gilded door. It’s teeming with thorny roots and dead roses. Roman has to stop and take a deep breath before knocking.

The door opens with a creak.

“You...You came back...

“Of course, I did. I made a royal promise. Is...Is there room for two more?”

A familiar face with a wide grin and glowing red eyes answer him.

“Welcome home, dear brother. And welcome to the family, Logan.”

“Thank you...Remus.”