#lol... I miss my sanity
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I've been having a recent thought about the whole Underworld saga. and it involves Odysseus and that phrase "And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." by Nitch. But I still haven't elaborated enough to post something concrete about my theory.
#I'm using this post as a note#One day maybe I'll post more about#or maybe I forget#but maybe someone has already thought this and I'm just going crazy#like#I study philosophy#what fun would it be to not be crazy and not think things like that about a musical...#lol... I miss my sanity#epic the musical spoilers#epic the ocean saga#epic the cyclops saga#epic the troy saga#epic the musical#epic the circe saga#epic the underworld saga#jorge rivera herrans#odysseus#the odyssey#my f* god I'm struggling with this tumblr tag system
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slowly getting closer to Making An Art again
#incessant meowing#still doing a little bit here and there but nothing's posted yet#a web browser just got added to figmin which is gonna make getting reference images 10000000x easier#so i'm excited about that#i can also listen to spotify in there directly now too which is another boon to the ol creative sanity#AND... and....... I can post videos/pics from in-headset too#i hope all these removed barriers will coax the timid deer that is my brain back out into the open#i miss making shit lol
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Posting this by itself because :) I just feel like he should have gotten to wear the mech pilot suit at least once..
(my AU black version and the og green)
#Legend of Korra#Baatar Jr.#LoK#WIP#[ since this is from something silly I wanted to post this bit because he is serving very cunty#even if you know he's talking about accidentally ingesting caustic chemicals lol#this was def self indulgent but also why couldn't he have worn the suit at least once sobs#we had one chance#I don't actually think he uses the mech suit hardly ever even though he has his own personal one#but on rare occasions he does and gets in this outfit and Kuvira are you okay? Are you good? Has anyone checked on her?#I feel like this outfit is what causes her to take a serious sanity hit LOL#she just drags him away by the hood and no one sees them again for like 4 hours#or she's just like “You know what I think he could use my help :)” and proceeds to be everything but helpful#idk how anything in this regime gets done I swear#the most Baatar ever used the mech suits was when they were first being built#idk dude I love a man in a working uniform sobs#I knew someone would recognize the mech pilot suit hehe that made me smile because yeah :)))#it felt good to draw Baatar again sobs I love him so much I've missed him#I do kinda wish this sketch was cleaner but I wanted to at least post it now in case I never did lol#I should to a proper illust of him in the pilot suit one day just for the pure self indulgence of it all#give myself a lill treat you know? ]#Neon Ocean Art
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Oh while i mention skaters from a few years ago, i miss my wife sui wenjing, no one makes my heart beat like her anymore, and i also miss virtue moir, they made me love ice dance more than any other form and now it feels bleak, with all the respect to skaters bc they are amazing and i could never do their job, but i just miss my old excitements, the only event i look forward to these days are the ones with kaori in it🥺
#i know where are the full stops#lol#you get what i say🥹#i miss the fierceness and artistry#figure skating#i dont even mention yuzuru he was oainful but he was painfully beautiful#if i had ten percent of his passion i could probably save the world or find the cure to some disease tbh#sui wenjing#virtue moir#kaori sakamoto#yuzuru hanyu#honorable mention to hason brown for keeping my sanity and figure skating alive#jason brown#i cant type lol
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mfw i ask maestro if he needs me at rehearsal on tuesday and he responds by telling me i'm wonderful, i'm always watching and listening, play better than a principal, etc
#sasha speaks#oboeposting#like. thank you maestro However this does not answer my question LOL?#for more context ive been only attending thurs rehearsals this term and missing tues for the sake of my workload and sanity#which Has been very good for me i think. and my playing has not suffered (though we'll see how proko 1 goes next month lol)#but next week is concert week#regular rehearsals on tues and thurs plus a dress on fri. was already planning on attending thurs and fri but wanted to ask abt tues#maestro does want me there but i can make time for it. i don't need to stay past the beethoven anyway he said it's fine#but anyway the principal oboe was out again today and of course has his part with him#so we were without oboe 1 tonight. and without the prominent oboe 1 solos. in beethoven 7...#i played cues where i had them. and a few places where i didn't but had the part more or less under my fingers already haha#i just like to play those melodies and i think it's more useful for the whole ensemble to hear those prominent parts in reh#but i think maestro was especially pleased. i mean he didn't ask me to do that but i did anyway. and without the part#but whatever i'm just happy to play.
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SO WE JAMMIN NONSTOP GOT THE BOYS ON REPEAT LOOPING THE HYPE
#vee queued to fill the void#MY DRIVE TO WORK WAS LIT LIT LIT ABSOLUTE FIRE#BAT BB AND DH JUST NEVER MISS THEYRE INCAPABLE OF FLOPPING#AND I GIVE AN IDOL PERMISSION TO KILL ME#the album is solid lol#i enjoy the solo division songs more than the mixed group ones but electroswing only hits when i’m in the mood for it#and fighters road sure is a song lmao#jingi pisses me off so much there’s no reason why so many really dope parts just don’t mesh well#and the battle songs are as neat as their predecessors lol i just really wish bg gang had a song together ☹️#i’m excited to figure out where to put sanity and we go with the flow in my bat playlist lol#next is getting used to the songs lol i believe the ones i’m more meh towards can be appreciated thru stockholm syndrome LOL#Spotify
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I am desperately trying to keep my MC alive but I keep dying spfdjspfj
I'll figure it out tho 😤
#shitpost#the price of flesh#tpof#tpof spoilers#me#my art#right now my assumption is that my sanity is too low lol#YALL THE DLC IS SO GOOD LIKE YOU GUYS GOTTA CHECK IT OUT AAAAAAAAAA#I WAS SO INTO IT I WAS LIKE SCREAMING AT MY SCREEN AND THEN THE MC WOULD SAY MY EXACT SAME THOUGHTS PSFJSDP#right now my current plan is to redo the route as my other ocs and see which endings they get before i try to get the missing cgs#im hoping ill stumble upon them this way but if not we're jumping right back in there#im gonna have to do that later tho because i was supposed to be doing my homework assignment but then got carried away spdjfps#I LOVE THE DLC SO MUUUUUUCH
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me: maybe i should... go back to work. let this medical leave run til the end of the month as dated. specialists i barely heard back from: nuh uh. at least 2 more months. push the leave longer. me, under breath: son of a bi-
#⸻ ₊˚ʚ delete this. ₊˚✧#── ♡ ❝ i can bring the sex appeal. ( ooc )#i mean!? it's cool! okay! more time off!#but GOD im#i guess .. ill look at it as more time to get my body mods lol#i wanna go back bc i miss seeing certain people#and kinda earning my play if that makes sense#(i also earned it by giving my sanity)#(but the physical perks was nice too. exercise on the job basically)
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The thing is that Dean would've been well within his right to ditch Cas years ago but he never has, so Cas' entitlement to Dean's forgiveness and friendship is just ridiculous. Especially since every time Dean's mad at him it boils down to "you should've talked to me." If Cas just stopped keeping secrets and didn't disappear without notice and ignore Dean's calls they wouldn't have problems! Dean's anger comes partly from worry and partly from the fact that whenever Cas ventures off alone he creates a new mess they have to clean up. Mary dying at the end of s14 was just the breaking point, no wonder Dean blew up. And now in 15x08 and 15x09 Dean is being nice and trying to extend the olive branch, saying that he knows Cas is sorry, but Cas is just snipping at him and complaining about the fact that Dean didn't immediately forgive him. How am I supposed to feel even remotely sorry for Cas here?
#the people who claim that dean is ''emotionally abusive'' to cas baffle me so much#am i just such a terminal deangirl i'm missing something?#bc i see people saying that and it actually makes me doubt my sanity lol
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at this point I could orgasm just from kissing fully clothed or like having my back stroked or hair tenderly rearranged something. I'm ill
#yes i am a member of r/foreveralonewomen. where did I go wrong in my life to get here#when we were 12 my friends all thought I'd be the first one with a boyfriend and I missed the boat ig#sometimes I think this is like a personal evolutionary failing and it is actually making me lose my grip on sanity lol#IM CRACKING
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im going to throw up why do i feel so stressed about bg3 i feel like a live wire or whatever i just need to SLEEP (so i can play more tomorrow 💀)
#terrified that i missed a long rest cutscene or something even tho i took so many long rests !!!!!!!! 😭#chelle.txt#i need to stop watching tiktoks that spoil the astarion romance line it's stressing me out more than not 😭😭😭#er anyway 'my mask of sanity is about to slip' or something#honestly im kinda excited for my next playthrough too :')#kind of want to play a dark urge monk but like. the stereotypical one from medieval lit LOL#altho i think that's actually the friars#but like those friars are always like moneyhungry and shady LMFAO#or in chaucers thingy he was like?? an alcoholic and a hunter or something???#it's been a year since i read robyn hode i'll freshen up before developing this monks plot lol#tav: lottie
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ppl are so mean abt little valdemeowmeow???? and the other courtiers but. buncha fuckin lily livered ass cowards. at this point i cant tell if it's me being neurodivergent or that there are just a metric fuckton of dingdongs that simply don't know how to have fun
#damn i went off and fell asleep. anyway#im sure its the latter#found a tier list maker that purposefully excluded valdemar. lmfao. excuse me#eyes rolling all the way back in my head#good lord. never stop being fucking silly#talk about aphobia lmfao#ik this is a fictional ass character but i think that makes being reductive about it even worse#i hate arcana discourse so much anymore but like jfc#maybe it was a shit move to have characters that are both palatable and u know#fodder that it isnt rly a stretch to say insulting them might make somebody who likes them feel bad for consuming this media at all#i cAnT bElIeVe PpL LiKe aNy oF ThEm OmGgGgG#idk i just think the courtier fans are more likely to have degrees in being fucking cool#bees personal#dont rb#anyway ~it's been a whiiile since i got any level of mad abt this#eat my aroace ass#i miss tenderizing valdemar with my fun time mallet#its been a hard year#ik i dont speak much bht i try and avoid this shit for my sanity. it was just fucking gross lol#ive also been dying since like april lmfao. girl help#gnc
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Yes.
Every day is a special occasion when you're around
Hence a lot of swearing :)
who am i y’all
#<i'm okay the wuestion is are you okay#i miss you too#and im gonna talk with you everyday from now on#yknow for your sanity#ily^^#<- im okay im just out of my meds#trying to not have a breakdown in front of people lol#im getting them soon hopefully#but my dms are always open!#and im lurkin for the most part for now#just experiencing a lot of bad thoughts and hallucinations#ily guys#i just don't want to drag you into my mess#i feel bad#dw about me tho ill be okay :)
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,
#trying to think of potential replacements for 911 once the hiatus starts next week#i’m not watching anymore but i’ll probably be lurking until then#then i’m gonna try to take my leave and use the lack of content as a way to try and move on#i’ll still always love bucktommy but i just can’t continue with this show anymore#so in the meantime i gotta find some other stuff#not really interested in swat at all lmao sorry (i’m not really a procedural girlie at alll which is part of why i’m dropping 911)#honestly a lot of people have been talking about brilliant minds and normally i don’t really care about shows like that but i’m becoming+#intrigued that i might just give it a shot 👀#definitely not doctor odyssey for me i’m staying farrr the fuck away from ryan murphy shows if i can help it#i’ll probably go back to watching brooklyn 99 i still got a few more seasons there#i’ve been thinking about veep too since it seems especially fitting rn lol#might just rewatch the good place just to feel something again (and GOD did that show make me feel things)#i’m totally a comedy/sitcom girlie so most of the suggestions the fandom is making just don’t speak to me 😭#oooh or maybe another tvd rewatch so steroline can restore my sanity (god do i miss them)#the rookie starts in january (i think?) too but 911 fucked me over so bad that i don’t really want to watch any abc shows rn lol#part of why i’m not really considering abbott elementary atm#anyway
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This week has been predominantly shit. I'm going to celebrate my day off tomorrow by reading a bunch of smut.
#And maybe writing some too if I can finally get around my writer's block.#maybe fuck around on tinder too because I lowkey miss flirting but for someone who's polyamorous I kind of hate people.#we have a date Saturday for Alien rewatch but I'm usually less awkward over text (LOL) than in person#lately default has been awkward however you're speaking to me but shhhh.#Personal#My brain is a mess rn and I've got 6 hours left of this shift while I try to cling to my remaining sanity.
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gotta say, it's always wild when people complain about changes to the dash because i straight up cannot see them due to me exclusively using the app
#i do this for my own sanity lol#quill scratchings#i missed tumblr live because it is simply not in the app
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