#lol um anyway . i kissed them for the first time yesterday but it literally feels like a yr ago but it also feels like today

[faaun]

they r soooo. anyway

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[t0wnspersonb]

Caught (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

ari0425

said:

Hi! Um I was wondering if you could write a Domestic Bakugou where they were doing the do and there two kids caught them? Just wondering😁

~~~~

Word Count: 1,675

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: slight smut, bad language, slight edging

~~~~

Yooooo, I had so much fun writing this lmao. I literally love writing all things Bakugou as a husband! It’s kinda short and it might be shitty lol so I apologize in advance. @ari0425​ I hope I wrote this to your liking!😭😭😭 sorry it’s so late! Obviously requests are open and I’ll try and get to as much of them as I can. I’m so sorry for not being as active with my own content, life has just been super busy for me😭 My best friend is coming over tomorrow to chop off my hair so hopefully that goes well lol, and I will be officially out of my boot (hopefully) in the next week! I’ve honestly been walking on the broken technically since last week since it wasn’t hurting so hopefully I didn’t fuck anything up. Guess I’ll find out in a week! ANYWAY, I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend and don’t be shy about any comments or requests! I literally adore you all so much and I’m so very thankful and happy you guys like reading my shit💕💕💕🤗 stay happy and safe!

~~~~

“Why not?” Bakugou growled, his muscular arms folding across his chest. The sudden movement distracted you for a moment, and you couldn’t help but appreciate your husband’s strength.

 His bulging arm muscles were thick and taut as they rested across his chest, his broad shoulders exposed to your greedy eyes; tank tops were designed with your husband’s physique in mind, you were sure of it. But you were also sure that he knew exactly what he was doing, because a smirk began to tug at his lips.

 “I told you Katsuki, we have a busy day tomorrow with the kids.” You sighed, folding your own arms over your chest, your back leaning against the counter, an eyebrow raised; challenging the large hero before you.

 His smirk dropped, a large scowl now taking its place. “It’s always about the fucking kids.”

 You rolled your eyes at his statement. 

 Despite the rough words, you knew what he meant. Bakugou adored his children, he was a doting father, in his own way; but everyone knew that he would go to the ends of the earth for his children, he would protect them and cherish them no matter what. The minute he knew that you were pregnant, both times, he had never been happier. Bakugou could account for the five happiest times in his life, when you agreed to go out with him, when he became a pro hero, when you married him, and when you gave birth to his beautiful daughter, and then his beautiful son. 

 So, while his children were his pride and joy, sometimes… sometimes… he just wanted them to fucking go away. 

 He couldn’t remember the last time he was able to have you all to himself, and fuck, did he miss you. He craved having all of your undivided attention, being able to be alone with you. It had been far too long.

 “Why can’t they go have a sleepover at Deku’s with his kids?” he huffed angrily. 

 You rolled your eyes again. “We can’t just pawn off our children to Izuku whenever you want to get your dick wet Katsu. Besides, they all hung out last week, when you and Izuku had that call about the hostage situation. I watched all of them.”

 His eyes flashed in annoyance at your statement, his tall frame stalking over to you. You could never get used to how big Bakugou was compared to your small frame, his entire being radiated strength and power, it made you feel safe, secure… and most of all, it made you nervous.

 Not because you were scared of him, far from it, but because it had been a long time since the last time you two were intimate. The physical aspect of your relationship was always there, always important to you, but recently it had just been hard to find the time to be together in that way, especially with how clingy your son started being, and how your daughter was involved in more activities at school that needed attention. 

 You could feel your heart racing as he towered over you, his large arms caging you in as his hands rested against the counter top on either side of your body, forcing you to meet his gaze.

 “I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me princess, it’s not just me that wants to get my dick wet. I’m sure you’ve been wanting to use that mouth for other things than just back talking to me.” He said lowly, his voice deep and dark, one of his hands came up to grab at your jaw, the rough pad of his thumb rubbed gently against your lower lip. 

 Your breath hitched in your throat, a familiar ache beginning to settle at the bottom of your stomach.

 How did you get such a gorgeous husband?

 “So, let’s just drop off the shitty kids with the old lady and be together already.” he finished, his fingers sliding down, wrapping themselves easily around your throat. He squeezed his fingers carefully, but there was enough pressure that caused a soft whimper to escape your lips. Bakugou sneered down at you, he knew your body far too well, knew exactly how to touch you to make you bend to his will.

 But when your mind finally registered what he had said, a large scowl covered your lips, the arousal you were feeling simmering down dramatically.

 “Don’t call our kids shitty, and we are not dropping them off with your mom when she just saw them yesterday. You either calm yourself down Katsuki or I’m not going to touch you for an even longer time.” you threatened, your palm resting flat against his muscular chest.

 He growled angrily, stepping back away from you and shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “Why are you denying me so much? You fucking shit, aren’t you supposed to be taking care of your husband?” 

 “Shut up and go set the table Katsuki.” You sighed, turning towards the stove to finish dinner.

 It was silent for a moment, and then his large arms wrapped carefully around your waist, hugging you softly to his muscular body. 

 A soft smile tugged at your lips when you felt his plush lips gently press against your cheek, and then he was gone. You turned to look at him stalk out of the kitchen and into the living room, probably to go round-up the kids.

 Bakugou Katsuki might be rough, but underneath that hard exterior that man was entirely soft when it came to you and his kids.

 ****

 This wasn’t how you imagined this morning going. 

 Soft moans were being muffled by hungry kisses, the sound of ruffling sheets and skin slapping against one another surrounded the quiet room.

 Perfection. 

 That was this was.

 “Fuck, you feel so perfect wrapped around my cock princess.” Bakugou growled, his hips thrusting deep into your core. 

 You whimpered softly, your eyes rolling into the back of your head at the immense amount of pleasure. He filled you to the brim, your tight heat engulfing him completely. 

 This was what he had been missing, what you had been missing. The pleasure, the intimacy of feeling each other’s bare bodies sliding against one another, it was all too much.

 “Katuski, w-wait…” You panted out, your hands grabbing at his broad shoulders, sliding down to hold onto his forearms, the familiar pressure was beginning to bubble up again, filling you up and aching to break through.

 “Again? This is your third one princess, did you miss my cock that much?” he mocked you, one of his hands reaching down to rub at your clit, ghosting over the bundle of nerves, not quite putting pressure down, but the touch alone was enough to cause your body to arch up off of the bed in pleasure. You could feel tears prickling at your eyes, your body aching for release, except now that Bakugou knew that you were close, he was going to drag it out as much as possible.

 The cruel bastard.

 “Katsuki please,” you cried, his thrusts slowing down, he dragged his member out of your body before pressing back into your tight heat deeply, savoring every second of your begging, of your wet core.

 “Beg harder princess.” he growled out, a sadistic smirk etching itself onto his lips. “I want to hear you beg for it.”

 A whimper tore through your lips at his cruel words and slow pace.

 You ached for release now, no words being able to form in your mouth, which didn’t sit well with Bakugou since he gave a particular hard and deep thrust at your silence.

 His thumb suddenly pressed down hard against your clit, rubbing fast and rough, causing a jolt of pleasure to ripple through your body.

 You felt it then, the wall cracking as your release began to build up and up and…

 “Mama?” 

 You and Bakugou froze, both of your heads snapping over to the small child that stood near the now open door. Your son rubbed at his eyes sleepily, his teddy bear dragged against the ground in his other hand.

 You would’ve thought it was the most adorable sight you had ever seen, except for the fact that your husband was still buried deep inside of you. You silently thanked the universe for the fact that the sheets were still wrapped around your guys’ body, covering you up completely.

 Your son looked at you in confusion for a second, taking in the scene before his little three-year-old eyes and then…

 His face turned angry. He was the spitting image of Bakugou, except for the eyes and his personality, that took after you.

 “Wow really?” your daughter suddenly appeared at the door, looking at you guys in disgust. While your son might look like your husband, your daughter looked just like you, minus the hair and her personality. Those of which she inherited from her father.

 The personality part was a bit unfortunate, especially considering how much she and Bakugou butted heads, especially now that she had just turned nine.

 “Get off my mama!” Your son began to yell. “You are hurting her!” 

 Your eyes widened in surprise and you watched as your son began taking a step towards you guys only for your daughter to grab his hand. 

 “She’s fine.” She said curtly. “Let’s go watch cartoons. Leave mama and shitty papa alone right now.”

 Your lips twitched in amusement at her words, she was definitely Bakugou’s first born, that much was obvious.

 “Oi, you shitty fucking brat what did you just call me!?” Bakugou growled, a tick mark appearing above his head as he looked at his children. 

 “Shitty papa.” Your daughter said simply and closed the door as she walked off with her brother in tow.

 “What the fuck! Who the fuck taught you that word you little shit!?” Bakugou screamed out.

 Laughter bubbled up through your lips, causing Bakugou to scream at you next for laughing. 

 But you couldn’t help it, your heart was entirely full right now. 

[kuroosmikasavolleyball]

Like A Disney Movie But Awkward

Abendrot

(n) the color of the sky when the sun is setting; a certain afterglow.

____________________________________________

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

| previous | masterlist |

____________________________________________

a/n: there have been so many delays(I’m so sorry), but this is the final part! I hope you enjoyed this series. It’s kinda wonky because it’s my first one but in the future, it’ll def get better. Let me know what pairing you want to see next!

Part 5 summary: (Y/N) can’t get the sunset or Cedric out of her head, so she asks him to go watch the sunset with her. Totally just like friends, right? After falling(literally) in love and a bit of advice from the twins, (Y/N) has everything she needs to confess. But will she? (I mean no shit it’s a happy ending)

pairing: cedric x fem!reader (in ravenclaw)

genre: fluff

warnings: none

word count: 1.1k

____________________________________________

The excitement that was brought along with the weekend and the quidditch games was gone when Monday struck through. Most teachers were understanding enough on Friday to lessen the workload, but Snape still assigned a 6-inch paragraph on Golpallot’s Third Law. The twins laughed at (Y/N) when they heard what homework Snape gave since they weren’t in Potions class anymore.

Cedric announced, well actually, scratch that. Cedric told the twins and (Y/N) that he was going to enter the Triwizard Tournament; Fred and George announced it to basically the entirety of Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.

“Maybe I should’ve kept it a secret until I actually entered.”

Cedric whispered to (Y/N), who was currently by the pond with the three boys.

“I think I would’ve been offended if you didn’t tell me.”

“Duly noted. Now, what are we supposed to do for Charms again?”

Chuckles rose and (Y/N) leaned over to check Cedric’s textbook.

“Since it’s water we’re handling, we need to research and take notes on a way to breathe underwater.”

Fred’s head suddenly popped up from the draft advertisement for Weasley’s Wizardly Wheezes(3W), “That sounds cool, no? Breathing under water. I reckon we’ll have sprouted tails and gills if I try that spell. Do tell though; how do you cast the spell?”

Cedric laughed, “It sounds like you’re going to test that spell no matter what the consequences. I think there’s one about some sort of weed you have to eat, and maybe you can do transfiguration on yourself, or..”

The rest of the afternoon was spent on doing work and lazing around. (Y/N) had an idea about seeing the sunset again now that she fell in love with it. It was addicting.

(Y/N) tiptoed behind Cedric after spotting him outside near the courtyard. She quietly reached for his arms and suddenly shook him in hopes of scaring him. It worked, sort of..he turned around and jumped simultaneously, tripping over (Y/N) and landing on the floor, grasping her to prevent too much damage.

They both groaned as the pain shot through their backs, Cedric quickly scrambling off of (Y/N) to avoid her seeing his blush getting crushed by him.

“Ugh..remind me to never scare you again.”

They both laid on the grass, no energy to get up from the slightly too close situation they were in.

“Anyways..are you free tonight?”

Cedric cocked his head, turning to look at (Y/N) to see her already gazing at him.

“Um..except the fact that we have classes tomorrow and should probably sleep early, yeah I’m free. What do you have in mind?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to see the sunset… with me. I saw a glimpse yesterday during the game and I think I have a good spot to see the view. You up for it?”

“..Definitely. The sunsets near the quidditch pitch are one of a kind.”

“I know right?! Bring your broomstick.”

After finishing all her work and rushing out the Ravenclaw room when Kimball told her to use protection, she bumped into George and Fred.

“Woah, where are you going so quick?”

George dramatically pretended to faint. “Are you..sneaking out? Freddie, catch me. We’ve finally turned little Ms. Follow The Rules; I couldn’t be more proud.”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes playfully. “I might be..what’s it to you?”

“Ok defensive queen. We can’t find Diggory anywhere and we were about to ask you, but I think I know why he’s missing now. You guys finally confessed??”

Why is it so easy for her face to heat up?

“Oh, god no. We’re just going to see the sunset.”

“Then I guess you wouldn’t mind if we joined you both, right?” Fred snickered.

“No! ..I mean.. ugh fine, you guys win. I want to tell him...”

“Aw look, she’s in love. Don’t worry, pretty boy is hooked on you.”

“Shush..I have to go…thanks.”

She zoomed past, thankful to get away from the boys towering over her intimidatingly. After a quick stop to the quidditch locker room, she met Cedric and they snuck out of the exit near the gardens.

“Where are we going?”

“Just follow me.”

Out of instinct, (Y/N) grabbed Cedric’s hand and pulled him towards the field. She mounted her broom and told Cedric to do the same. They flew to a hilltop not too far from the quidditch stands and heard chuckles behind her when Cedric found out what she was planning.

“Here’s the lucky spot; I think it’s high enough to see the sunset clearly.”

The sky had already become a mixture of the most compassionate shades of orange and blue. Cedric produced a blanket that was magically folded in his pocket and they sat, conscious of the closeness.

“It’s so ethereal… and weirdly calming.”

Cedric wanted to say that (Y/N) is way more ethereal and calming, but he kept it to himself.

The sun touched the horizon and started sinking into a sea of warm tones. Cedric glanced towards (Y/N), seeing the beauty in front of them as a reflection in her eyes. He wanted to tell her, so badly. But the fear of messing up everything held him back until his thoughts vanished when she turned her head towards him too.

“I’m cold.” (Y/N) grumped with a slight smile.

Cedric’s arms had an irreplaceable feeling to them and (Y/N) wished time would stop. She did have feelings for him anyways…

“Hey I have to tell you something.”

“Go ahead.”

“(Y/N)..I’ve wanted to tell you..but I don’t really know how to.”

“Can I say it first?”

“Wait what??”

“Wait, were you not going to say..oh my god did I misunderstand..shoot I- “

Frantic speeches were then cut off by a soft touch of lips. A simple warmth spread through both their bodies immediately into a rapid fire of feelings.

Cedric pulled away.

“So you were thinking the same thing as me.”

They both laughed as their cheeks heated up and they looked at the sky again. The sun has now almost completely disappeared into the dark abyss of mountains.

(Y/N) broke the silence. “You know, I thought of you during the game..and a lot of other times. *chuckles* Because the sunset kept coming up in my mind, and I remembered when you told me a word for this..view.”

“Is that why you wanted to come up here? I just thought you wanted a bigger gesture to say something..I’m just glad I had the same words in mind.”

“I like you. A lot. Sorry, I just wanted to say it.”

“I like you too. Way more than I thought earlier because I was scared, but now..yeah.”

(Y/N) grinned and a mutual understanding passed through their eyes; before wasting another second, they kissed again. Slowly and gently, as the sky turned darker.

Cedric whispered against her lips. “You’re my abendrot.”

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extra a/n: lol this was so much like a disney movie ending pls- I’m going to start writing angst,,,

[anigerrrr]

Girl’s Talk

Natasha Romanoff x Carol Danvers

Word count: 1.5k

Summary: Kamala is introduced to Yelena, and she’s also the biggest fan of her sister’s ship- CarolNat.

Warning: Fluff, Protective Yelena, Kamala ships CarolNat, Slight Thor/Loki(mentioned)

a/n: Just random pieces written after having my covid vaccine yesterday lol I’m not sure how will Marvel deal with Kamala’s superpower in the upcoming series so I only mention a bit of it. Enjoy!

/

“Ok, can anyone tell me why we always have a new kid in the compound?”

Yelena puffed as she entered the compound a bit later than usual, and she saw her sister, Carol and an unfamiliar teenager already standing there.

She came over to join them, gazing at the new girl with distrust.

“Yelena, did you just call yourself in the third person?” Carol teased, and she shrugged suggestively to the redhead who actually couldn’t hold her laugh back for this moment.

“Ha, is it some kind of 90’s joke?” Yelena retaliated. Apparently the younger blonde didn’t get enough sleep hours last night, it always resulted in her grumpy reactions to anybody. “If so, Captain, you really need to update your comedy list on Netflix.”

“Hey,” Natasha chuckled amusedly between the two blonde women as Carol protested, “just because I aged slowly, it didn’t mean I’m out of date.”

“In case you wanna know,” Natasha raised one brow and showed her support to the blonde Captain- “She actually likes to watch The Tonight Show during our dinner time.”

-by telling their sort-of secret aloud. It’s not gonna harm the redhead spy herself, though.

“What?” Kamala finally had a chance to let out her voice, “you can’t tell me the mighty Captain Marvel, my idol, watches late-night talk shows when having some spaghetti. It’s simply out of character.”

Carol frowned, “excuse me?”

“Ugh, ok.” Yelena opened her mouth with hesitation. “No, not ok, I don’t get it. Did you just call her- ” her head was pointing to the other blonde woman, “- your idol ?”

“Am I supposed to feel offended?” Carol mumbled nearby Natasha’s ear, lowering her voice to avoid any foreseeable conflict for now.

“Um, yeah.” Kamala rolled her eyes to the much taller woman standing right in front of her, and her voice sounded genuinely fearless. “Can’t you see that? She’s Carol Danvers!”

Natasha grinned back at the blonde woman, and only teased quietly, “see, someone really has a crush on you.”

Carol blushed in the tiniest way, opening her mouth slightly but had no idea what to argue. Our Captain couldn’t even tell if the redhead was seriously jealous. Fantastic.

“So you like the name or the glowing part?” Yelena hummed, and tried to hide the little noises from her stomach out of hunger.

“All of them, I guess?”

“Oh, I got it now.” The younger widow turned to her sister, and was not surprised that Natasha had been checking on her already. “We’re having a superhero fan tour here.”

Yelena wanted to get her breakfast as soon as possible, so she tried to be nice and not to get involved in this duty. “Enjoy your day then, just don’t touch any fluffy things around here. The cat can literally swallow people, and the raccoon will shoot you in the head.”

“What? No!” The brown haired girl shouted, “I’m not here for a tour.”

“Yelena, she’s a new member in the team- ” Agent Romanoff finally introduced, and took a quick glance at Carol with a playful smile. “- another one with super power, yes.”

“…wait, what?”

“Not that kind of power to control thunder like Thor or to trick like Loki- by the way, aren’t they a lovely couple?” Kamala explained a little bit, and suddenly changed the subject triggered by her interest.

“Ugh, it’s not officially announced.” Natasha was surprised to hear the little girl’s words, a status that not many people had learned about- even in the avengers’ team.

Impressed. Yelena stared at the kid and thought, still needed her breakfast, though.

“New kids.” Carol shrugged, “we’re actually talking about tomorrow’s mission.”

The redhead immediately started glaring at the blonde Captain.

“You’re leaving for days? Tomorrow?” And Yelena tiled her head to her older sister. She’d better not be the last person to know this.

Clearly someone had forgotten their domestic plan for tomorrow.

“Well, not ‘for days’,  I’ll be back before you know it. At least that was the plan.” Natasha looked a bit…nervous, but not speechless. By her side, the Captain who’s in charge of the mission seemed to be awkward for a minute, and they shared a look of silent communication.

“Yelena, you’re welcomed to- ”

“Uh- uh, no. I’m not interested in being the third wheel in your mission date. Besides, I’ve got my own thing to deal with as well. Just remember to pick me up at 8, and feed Fanny before you leave the house, it’s your turn.” Yelena shook her head quickly like nothing’s gonna convince her, and the other young superhero goggled upon hearing some keywords.

“Wait, you two are dating? ” Kamala asked in excitement, “oh my god, CarolNat is real.”

“Well, it’s- we’re…” the blonde Captain suddenly stuttered, “we’re close, yes. That’s true.”

Natasha rolled her eyes back to show her feedback towards Carol’s explanation, and refused to make any eye contact with her sister who just accidentally sold their privacy to the newest avenger.

“Oh, I thought that was your superpower.” Yelena shrugged to the two older women, kind of feeling sorry for the coming out declaration she made for them. “Like, telling the lovebirds in a group of people.”

Kamala gave her a ‘seriously?’ look, “nobody owns a superpower like that.”

“You never can tell.”

“Ok, things got a little tense here.” Carol tried to calm them both down before they made a wrong impression on each other. “It’s time for breakfast, how about I make you guys some really nice omelette?”

“Oh God.” Natasha sighed exaggeratedly, but she didn’t deny the purpose. When Carol turned, she just pushed her sister’s shoulder and forced the younger blonde to follow. “C’mon Yelena, you love eggs.”

“I never said that.”

“Wow, Captain Marvel is making me an omelette…am I dreaming?”

“Never had a nightmare before?”

“Yelena!”

*

“So…”

A half hour later, Yelena was staring at her plate and trying to figure out why it’s not like a normal ‘omelette’ she had seen on television. “In what universe an omelette looks like this?”

“Well, it’s not that bad.” Natasha took a bite of hers, perfectly ignoring the fact that it resembled more scrambled eggs rather than an omelette.

“Stop being rude- ”As they both saw Carol and Kamala on their way to the table, Natasha squeezed her sister’s hand and ordered softly, “and tomorrow I promise to buy you the expensive tweed coat you always stare at in the display window.”

“Huh, it’s exactly why I really can’t stand to undergo a mission with you two. Deal.” Yelena sounded mockingly but she didn’t mean to embarrass her anyway. “You turned weak, Natasha. You knew it, right?”

Natasha only hummed in russian as a response (something like ‘you’d know that when we spar’ ), and grinned when Carol sat next to her as usual. The blonde Captain was finally done with cooking everyone’s breakfast and Kamala had surprisingly finished hers, only sipping a glass of apple juice.

“So, how did you meet?” Said Kamala, aka the newest avenger with extraordinary attention to the secret pairs around the base, “how long have you been dating- I wanna know the whole story.”

“Here we go.” This was the best reaction for Yelena to ‘stop being rude’.

“Well, first of all, I won’t deny or admit any statement of it…” Natasha cleaned her throat and started, her sweet butter sandwich was left on the plate.

“We’re apparently colleagues.” Carol promptly interrupted with a shrug, which made the redhead widen her green eyes in disbelief.

“I met her after the snap, and during the five years, the feelings just kinda grew on us.” The blonde smiled gently as she took Natasha’s hand, “after the end of the war, we started hanging out once a month like normal people, later on it began to be once a week as my main works in space were separated to the new-trained protectors and the Guardians. That’s it.”

Kamala was literally speechless, looking like she just got the best Christmas gift for this year.

“If you kiss her like those cliched soap operas now, I’m gonna kill you both.” Yelena did like the eggs, but obviously she wouldn’t say it. Instead, she ate it up and mumbled her statement after hearing the shorter version of their romance.

“Yelena.” Natasha raised one of her brows, reminding her who’s in charge on this table. And their deals .

“Alright, just kidding.”

“Can I take a picture when you do that?” Kamala immediately stood up and asked Carol, it seemed no one actually cared about the debriefing of tomorrow’s mission anymore. “-when you kiss Black Widow.”

Her Captain was flushed, “w-what?”

To save her partner from the short circus situation, Natasha rolled her eyes and pulled Carol’s arm all in a sudden. All Kamala could do was open her mouth widely in amazement, and tried hard not to scream like a fan who was completely out of control.

Natasha left a rough kiss on the corner of Carol’s lips, her blood red lipstick stained slightly on it.

“Satisfied?” She said with an impeccable grin, leaving the flummoxed blonde behind her.

“This place is harmful for my heart.” - the newest superhero from Jersey City claimed.

“You’re gonna get used to it, kid.” - and the former widow from the red room finally agreed with her.

“I should have stopped leaking the key information.” - the blonde Captain knew it deeply that Natasha’s not gonna take it easy on her tonight.

[scoobydoofenshmirtz]

LGBTQ Supernatural Character Breakdown

Okay so yesterday I posted this lovely screenshot of yet another stupid reddit post about spn that I thought was funny and shrugged off as another reddit dudebro thing. However, then @thehappyearth went and actually read through the thread and reported back with results. The opinions of OP were unsurprising, but they got me thinking. Part of the post reads "I would prefer a neutral show that doesn't aim to include LGBT people in nearly every episode.. its unrealistic unless they are in a location where this holds true..example (California)". Now that's ridiculous for a lot of reasons. 1) Not having LGBT people in a show does not make it "neutral." Cishet is not the default human experience, neither is male, nor white nor able-bodied, etc. 2) It's not "unrealistic" to have LGBT in literally any location in the world. We exist everywhere you go. Yes, certain places tend to attract LGBT adults and families due to their culture, legal protections, history, etc. but it's not like there's something in San Francisco water that just makes people there gay at a higher percentage. I assure you, reddit user, there are LGBTQ people in every single place Sam and Dean have visited in the show. 3) like literally it's just homophobic shut up reddit bros. ANWAY...

But what really got me thinking was the "nearly every episode" comment. Like, dude. What show are you watching? But then I thought...wait how many LGBTQ characters actually are there in Supernatural, so I did a little digging and compiled this list (google sheets) of every LGBTQ character to appear on screen. This doesn't include characters who are only mentioned (although there aren't many to add with that anyway). I looked into some different criteria and I included each character, the number of episodes they appeared in, their first and last episode, how many episodes they appeared in as a confirmed LGBTQ character, their sexuality, if they speak or not, and if they died. I also included a description and notes, and noted which characters were in episodes nominated for GLAAD awards. I also included "ambiguous" characters who I either felt weren't "confirmed" as LGBTQ (like the man who is possibly a gay porn star or the sassy yorkie) but in that realm, or characters where there were bigger issues that make it more complicated (Dean, Crowley, and Rowena).

And then I got curious and made a whole second spreadsheet with a list of all the episodes featuring confirmed LGBTQ characters. I included which characters are featured, if it includes an LGBTQ couple, if it features an LGBTQ storyline important to the plot, if it features a recurring LGBTQ character, if any LGBTQ character dies, if it was nominated for a GLAAD award, and my opinion on if it's homophobic. I only included episodes where a character was confirmed LGBTQ when it aired, however I did include retroactively LGBTQ characters when listing what recurring characters are featured.

Some findings under the cut:

I counted a total of 32 on screen (reasonably) confirmed LGBTQ characters in all of Supernatural (for the purposes of this I have counted Charlie and apocalypse Charlie as separate characters). Now when I say confirmed this is a range from Charlie to characters who had a same sex kiss in the background. There is a chance I have missed some, so if you look through this and notice someone missing, please let me know. (Also sidenote I say LGBTQ but there's no confirmed trans characters as far as I could tell). That's an average of 2.13 per season. There are 9 recurring characters and 23 that only appear once. There are 6 with 3 or more episodes. The only characters that appeared in more than 2 episodes while confirmed as an LGBTQ character are Charlie (apocalypse world and regular) and Chuck. Of all these characters 10 are dead (with three of these presumably resurrected off screen) and 22 survived.

If we break it down by era Kripke had 4 with 0 recurring characters and half and half dead/alive. This is .8 per season average. Gamble had 3 and (at the time) none were recurring and none died. This is 1.5 per season average. Carver had 10 including making Chuck bisexual. Charlie also became a recurring character (then she died). This is 2.5 per season average. Dabb has 15 including Castiel and Claire. This included 7 recurring characters and 8 one offs, and 8 alive and 7 dead. This is 3.75 per season average.

As far as sexualities go, we have 3 (presumably) lesbian characters (2 Charlies and Donna's niece) 3 gay characters (Max Banes and 2 one offs who die) and 2 bisexual characters (Chuck and Noah the gorgon). No single character ever refers to themself by any sexuality as far as I can tell, but Alan J Corbett (Ghostfacers intern) and Conner (from the church) are both referred to as gay by other characters. Everyone else I based on context. All the other characters were unspecified as to their specific sexualities.

In terms of episodes with confirmed LGBTQ characters (so characters who at the time the episode was written were reasonably confirmed as LGBTQ) we have 39 total, a bulk of them being episodes that feature either Chuck or Charlie. That's about 12% of all SPN episodes. If you take out episodes that only include either Chuck or Charlie as the confirmed character you have 20 left which is 6.25% of all SPN episodes.

There are 12 episodes that feature an LGBTQ couple, 3.75% of all episodes. There are, by my count, 9 episodes with an LGBTQ storyline important to the plot or 2.8% of episodes. I know this is more subjective but I included Ghostfacers, Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo, LARP and the Real Girl, Sacrifice, The Chitters, Wayward Sisters, Ouroboros, Gimme Shelter, and Despair.

If we break down writers from who has the most episodes with confirmed LGBTQ characters Robbie Thompson comes in the lead with 9, Buckleming next with 6, Bobo and Dabb with 5, Yockey and Glynn with 4, Davy Perez with 3, and Nick Vaught, Nancy Won, Nancy Weiner, Eric Kripke, Jeremy Carver, Sera Gamble, Brett Matthews, and Bed Edlund all having 1. As far as writers who introduced new LGBTQ characters or canonized previously existing ones we have again Robbie Thompson in the lead with 7, Dabb with 6 (although 4 were from co-written episodes), Berens with 4, Yockey and Glynn with 3, Brett Matthews, Davy Perez, Nancy Weiner, Eric Kripke, and Nancy Won all with 2. Gamble and Edlund each have 1 and Buckleming sort of have 1 since they introduced apocalypse world Charlie. All of this is quantity not quality, so keep that in mind.

As far as deaths go, Bobo has the most with 3.5. 3 of those are from Despair where the characters were all (possibly) resurrected and the .5 is for Kaia who later turned out to not actually be dead. Yockey has 2 (both from Ouroboros). Edlund, Glynn, Perez, and Gamble all have 1 and Dabb also has .5 for cowriting Wayward Sisters.

The LGBTQ character who appears in the most episodes is very obviously Castiel who appears in 142 total episodes. Chuck is next with 19 and then Charlie with 7. Chuck has the most episodes as a confirmed LGBTQ character with 12 total and Charlie has 7.

Apologies if any of the math on this is wrong or if I left anyone out. Feel free to let me know and I'll correct the documents.

So really I don't know why I did this but basically yeah I don't know what fantasy world those reddit dudes are living in with LGBT people in nearly every episode (unless he's counting Castiel which...win for the gays I guess?). Nothing about this was particularly surprising but it's interesting to see all these things laid out and play around with the categories. Um...hope you enjoyed this i guess. lol

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Hi guys!

Um-come talk to me(or whatever)!!

Reblogs are love!

I love @dirtystyles, my tag list, @the-well-rested-one and all of my readers, lol!

Tag list: @awomanindeniall @mrsfstyles @fullstopsteph @emulateharry​

Day Eight: The One With The Fort

Elise woke up with a hangover, just not the type when you at least have the wild night you may not remember to show for it. She was certainly not in bed naked, with another nude person, surreptitiously checking to see if they used protection.

This was an emotional hangover.

She'd got feelings, for a boy. Man, did she hate those. The last time she had them, it wreaked all kinds of havoc, and that was just her sister's boyfriend not a world famous object of obsession. She should have known how to read the signs, that mistake had gone a similar way. Time spent together in a house, some things in common, a little tension, fear of rejection, a move, sex, secret relationship, discovery, a broken hearted sister, disappointed parents, and a transcontinental move to escape.

Ok, so this one was in a much safer place than that. Harry was a bad choice as a man to have feelings for, but for totally different reasons than Bryce. Her quarantine buddy was a bad idea because of the rejection and/or future rejection.

Did it count as rejection?

Elise felt rejected, but feelings aren't facts, as her dad liked to remind her. She supposed it was a near miss. She had gone the last 10% just like the movie Hitch had taught her. Maybe he would have finished the gap, closed the circuit, and such, and she could have felt those beautiful pink lips on hers.

But he was saved by the bell.

Instead they ate, and sat on opposites ends of the table just like she had set it. Elise liked that it wasn't a ridiculously long ostentatious piece of dead wood before yesterday. She'd even complimented Harry on it. Last night it was unsatisfactory, definitely not as close as she would have liked to be sitting.

And during cake time, which had turned out stellar, he had touched her elbow and the bones in her feet had rattled. His hand hadn't coasted to her palm, nor had he spun her into him and pressed his lips to hers. He'd just told her it looked great and handed her the knife to cut.

Elise couldn't even think about the couch.

He'd insisted that they cuddle, and had lain behind her in the unexpected big spoon position. She'd been very excited when he suggested it, thinking it was a typical boy ploy to feel her up and get to the kissing they'd almost started.

She figured she'd at least get to feel a boner.

That was an atrocious word. But everything else sounded even worse in her head.

She'd felt no erection, just the warm shape and had wanted with all her might to press back against it, but if there was such a thing as a platonic spoon, she'd just experienced it. Then Harry had fallen asleep, his head bookended by hers until his neck relaxed onto the pillow.

Elise threw in the towel then.

The little voice in her head, that sounded suspiciously like her sister, told her that good guys didn't want her, though they'd be bad long enough to take what she was offering.

She was pretty sure she'd called Jessica a jealous bitch over that. The words had stuck in her head though, and not that she was hoping to make a go of things with her sister's ex, but the idea that he was just playing on her dark side to explore his own, it just poisoned their relationship. It certainly contaminated her already fragile relationship with her sister.

Elise had wanted to go away then, needed an escape, if she left it would be better, her parents didn't have to feel disappointed everyday when they looked at her, and Jessica didn't have to feel betrayed. Hence, England, quarantine, Harry Styles.

The first several days she could not figure out how it was karmic in any way that she got to be so close to Harry Styles. Now that he had become just Harry, the lovely rich weirdo with the bad taste in books and great taste in music, she was temporarily living with, she had figured out the catch.

The universe had given her her adolescent fantasy, shown her reality was better, and then snatched it away, like ice cream falling off the cone into sand within the first ten minutes on a boardwalk. Much as she hated it, Elise also felt it was right. She'd snuck around with her sister's boyfriend, it was only right someone she'd fallen for, who was way out of her league anyway, wouldn't want her even if she was literally the only option around.

Why was self loathing so attractive in moments of reflection?

She was going to have to go downstairs soon. She could hear music, a sure sign Harry was up and waiting for company. Maybe she could heat a thermometer under a light bulb and claim sick. Little water on her face to fake clammy skin.

Then he could baby her and she could take the tenderness and not expect the kisses, or boners. Because nobody liked kissing snotty people. Could you fake snottiness? Not without props, Elise decided. Also, faking sick when in quarantine during a pandemic seemed particularly heinous.

Despite her misgivings, she hauled her sad skeleton out of bed and got dressed. When Elise found herself searching for a specific pair of underwear, she realized she was literally planning on wearing her big girl panties. That at least made her chuckle. Whatever got you there she supposed.

Most of her fretting would be for naught. He was just Harry, and he'd acted like nothing happened. She could follow his lead, right? They were forced friends, at least for the next 6 days. May as well make the best of it and not lean in to the awkward.

The stairs made the echoey sound around the bend and she avoided the creaky part and only got a low groan. She'd relaxed a bit by the time she made it downstairs.

What the fuck was his problem? Why was he shirtless? Again! At least he had on more than a towel. Fuck her life, man. Or fuck her man, that'd be the life.

She stood at the end of the stairs and gave herself a moment until he realized she was there. His back was, woah! He was very broad for someone so slim. And his chest was, ugh, and his face. She often felt like she should congratulate him on his visage, especially the way it had leaned out and squared up. He was so manly now.

Dammit, she should have found that thermometer!

"Morning." She heard him say before she had gotten out of her head.

"Good Morning." She smiled back at him. His smile was like the call for a response in songs. You had to answer it.

"Are you hungry? There's leftover food, we could throw eggs over the last couple puddings. Or coffee?" There was a weird current under their conversation. Like he was walking on the shells of the eggs he was planning to cook her.

"Coffee?" She shrugged. "I can't really think about food yet." Elise's nerves were churning her stomach. All she could think of was the near kiss and the heat of his body behind her.

"Done." He headed to the kitchen and she followed, of course. He'd pulled out the French press, something she would purchase for herself after this. And asked, "what do you want to do today?"

Honestly, she wanted to hide out. Was there a book she could fake wanting to read? Elise was sure he had some book of semi terrible prose he would recommend to her. She need but ask. Then she could hold up in her room. The downside was she'd have to see his little sad puppy face when she told him she didn't like what he did. That was one of the downsides. Elise also wanted to be around him, maybe be able to smell him, and to avoid him noticing her avoiding him. But they needed to have something that discouraged talking, or she was gonna wind up asking him what the fuck his problem was. Because, they'd had a couple moments, she was sure of it, when they worked out, when he touched her thigh, and the near KISS, for fuck's sake. There was chemistry.

Or she was going a bit crazy, and it was totally one sided, which, seemed the way it should be.

In any case, she couldn't just ask him. She wasn't usually an asker, she was a guesser. Elise's best friend Niki was direct and wonderful, she asked for what she wanted or asked people what they wanted. When they were teenagers, she'd thought it was so embarrassing sometimes, now she wished she had some of her boldness. If she could just ask it would really simplify things. Harry, do you like me? Are you having any pesky feelings? Do I make your dick hard? Any flavor of honesty would taste better than the uncertainty she was chewing on.

Instead Elise said, "marathon Friends?" She shrugged.

His eyes opened big and she looked down to dodge the power of his pleased crinkles. "Marathon Friends!"

So there they were, three quarters of the way through a series with popcorn between them when Elise said, "I think I need to stand up. My butt is numb."

"I could rub it for you? No, not an option then?" He giggled. "We could make an obstacle course?" Harry suggested gleefully, and she wondered how long he'd been sitting on that one.

"That sounds athletic. As you've seen, I'm no athlete."

"Built like one." He said and before she could really respond he'd launched into a plea. "It'll be fun, then we can build a fort and watch more Friends."

"Are you 7 at heart?" She giggled. His glee was contagious, like Phoebe's wackiness.

"Nine!" He danced his eyebrows. "But to adult this party up, let's add alcohol. I feel like I have not given you a proper look at British life and quarantine, as we've not been pissed much at all. We can play a Friends drinking game, bet there are loads on the internet!"

Oh, this was a bad idea. But maybe she'd find some liquid courage.

The obstacle course, well it went better than she anticipated, and he let her win. She cartwheeled, the one thing she had learned in gymnastics, across the finish line. He was way ahead of her when they got to the pillow sack race at the end. The idea had struck her like a lightening bolt. She could not bound like him, all that thigh strength, but she could cover ground quick another way! She managed to keep the high thread count fabric on through her revolutions. She was a little terrified of destroying his nice linen. Harry let her cross ahead of him, and he hoisted her into the air when she exclaimed "YES!"

She expected him to complain about her tactics, instead he jogged her around on a victory lap. "Well done!" He danced in a circle and put her down, his arms wrapped around her, squishing her face into his clavicle.

"But I cheated." She muffled into his body.

"We didn't make rules. You saw an opportunity and took a chance." He shimmied his shoulders, all his bottled up energy from a day on the couch coming out in exuberance. "You gotta take chances in life."

They were close, though he'd let her go. Was she supposed to take the chance now? Was that an invitation? Why did she have to do it? "Yeah, yeah, you're right." She said but didn't act.

A beat passed and he sighed and turned around, moving around exercise equipment. "Let's build this fort, yeah?" His smile wasn't forced, but she noticed he only had two eye crinkles, not the full powered four.

His hand was on her shoulder. The opportunity was still there, but yesterday's rejection still clouded up her head like an unkept pool. "Yeah." She turned around and opened the ornamental blanket storage box he had in his media room.

They worked together with ease, and had a fort that would stay up for days on its own with no roughhousing to show for it. IKEA would be proud, they didn't even need pictorial directions.

"It looks cozy!" She smiled at it.

"It's nearly perfect." He said, before jetting off. "One second." He came back with led lights and used some stylish magic to arrange them high."Now we got it. Just missing one thing."

She couldn't imagine anything missing with the attractive light on his face. This was dreamy, she'd almost forgotten that he seemed to have decided that she had to make the move. Leaving them at an impasse. "What?"

"Tequila!" He danced his eyebrows. "One sec." He jackrabbited off.

Should she tell him tequila made her way too honest, or let him figure it out for himself?

"Alright." He skidded into the tent by her side and she applauded because he managed not to shatter the tequila bottle and glasses. "This is the best tequila." He assured her. "Find a drinking game! Unless you fancy strip scrabble."

That sent her diving for the phone. That was an even worse idea than getting drunk together. It was a quick google search later and they had their marching orders.

Phoebe seemed the most reliable. They both were licking salt and swallowing top shelf shots whenever she appeared. Monica and Joey were making a good showing too.

Her stomach hurt and she was bent sideways making a right angle at his hips from laughing so hard. Elsie had forgotten! This show was so funny, and god! They were both drunk.

Rachel was having a sappy moment and it was bringing out the sap in Elise. Man, tequila also made her emotional, she'd swung like a desktop pendulum from laughing so hard she cried to introspective sadness. It didn't exactly make sense, she was definitely more the Ross in this situation. Though her pining had started much later, precisely 7 days ago.

She giggled, nothing was precise after that much tequila. Call her Tarzan with all that swinging.

"What are you laughing about?" He turned on his side to look at her, his face full of mirth, his eyes at half mast and a little red. Bedroom eyes popped into her head and she had to suck in a breath. This felt very coupley, lying side-by-side in a fort. She would say cuddling, but they weren't touching. They hadn't been, but while she was assessing their postures, she realized he'd tangled their ankles together.

Everything they did felt coupley. Because they wanted to couple up or because they were just a couple in number?

"Um" she croaked. "I was just thinking of something, but then, tequila brain you know!" She flicked her temple lightly.

"Oh, I know!" He was jolly and she thought for a minute of other times she'd seen pictures of him drunk. His arm was around her waist now. He liked drunken cuddles, when he was younger, which was knowledge she maybe had no business possessing but knew nonetheless. His face in her neck a moment later had her closing her eyes and sighing. He smelled good, a little like a bar, but also like cologne, and his hair was so soft. She wanted to touch it.

Maybe she had more in common with Ross than she realized. A seemingly unattainable old crush suddenly in her life, maybe attainable, available.

Her drunken hands had a mind of their own, and she ran them through the silk of his hair. It felt wonderful between her fingers. Elise twirled some curls around her pointers and was rewarded by a groan from her cuddle buddy.

"Mmmmm, feels good!" His ankle tangle had become his calf and at that moment his whole thigh had inserted itself between her legs. She'd been ignoring the dull throb there for most of today, for days. The barest pressure was on her crux and she couldn't take this. She tensed and pulled, he moaned. Her hand dropped.

She felt his breath on her neck and then his head roll back to her shoulder. "Hey! Why'd you stop."

If she turned her head their boozy breaths would mingle and it would be their second almost kiss in as many days, and she couldn't take this.

Elise turned her head.

He blinked at her slow and the tequila sunset of his eyes was intoxicating. She let her eyes come down to his lips, and when his tongue peeped out to wet his mouth, hers moved on its own, "Harry?"

It needed to be asked right? She couldn't just let it happen.

"Elise." He breathed back and moved closer.

Tequila, and mint somewhere underneath, was all she tasted. Teeth and tongue, plump lips moving between and surrounding hers was what she felt, until his larger frame pressed her back onto the floor. She felt the one thigh almost against her center become his pelvis, flush. He pulled back, looked in her eyes and gave her a soft buss, resumed the eye contact. Elise leaned up like he had water and she was thirsty. The way his tongue played along the sides of hers, sliding over the top and out before he changed angles slightly and reinitiated had her lightheaded. Her skin was tight, especially where his hands were. Her clothes were heavy and hot, at her hips, around her rips, the sides of her breasts tingled, her shoulders were his palms held her open beneath him. Elise needed water. Was panting. She wasn't even sure how much the kiss had escalated, until his lips were moving over her neck and onto her collarbone, the thick strap of her top coming down, cold air and warm kisses on the swell of her cleavage. Pressure revolving between her thighs. The well was just ahead and if they kept at it, she'd dive in. Water water everywhere, so much to drink. To drown. She stilled.

"Elise?" Harry asked from where his hands and mouth had almost reached her nipples?

"I think we should stop."

[marshmallowprotection]

Um YES i want some fresh nerd?? Who doesnt lmao

1. "Saeyoung will not hesitate to do PDA."

Do I even have to say it? No? Well, too bad, I need to release some of the creative energy the powers my dangerously active imagination.

I'd be putty in this nerd's hands so fast. Just give me a really nice, long, warm, comfy hug and I'd melt. But we all know that's the bare minimum. I like to tease people too, in particular I like to shower them with compliments until they don't know what to do with themselves, and, in writing, I also like to prompt people's imaginations in a direction that'll leave them red in the face for one reason or another. It's one of the reasons I ended Cuter Than Kittens on a suggestive tone and didn't even give the reader the satisfaction of a kiss. It was an almost-kiss. And I thrive on thinking about how that must frustrate people, because not only does it allow them to use their imaginations freely (hehe), but it likely leaves them wanting more.

But Saeyoung has far more confidence and, evidently, a much stronger drive than I do, and his desire to tease and poke fun is broader than mine is. I'm too easy flustered, and I'm all for giving him the reigns, so to speak, in that part of the relationship, at least at first, until I'm not so deep in that panicky "am i doing this right??" zone. Dont get me wrong, I'm well aware that Saeyoung doesn't have experience in relationships either, but his confidence (or portrayal of confidence) is enough for me to give into that feeling of "he knows what he's doing in this area."

This is already way longer than I meant it to be lol. Whoops. But anyways.

Just because I "give in" doesn't mean there won't be moments where I shy away from the affection, mostly likely because I truly am nervous or something, but if the nervousness is more surface-level, I can see myself turning it into a little giggly game of "nope, uh-uh, im not letting u kiss me~ hehe" because thats just what i naturally turn to -- making a situation lighthearted, either in hopes of giving the other person confidence or myself.

Goodness gracious, I'll move on now lol.

2. "He loves to hear you laugh."

And his laugh makes my heart flutter every time I hear it, whether it's geniune or silly or whatever. Damn Saeyoung just makes me- ugh. I can't with him. Too cute. He's too cute.

3. "He loves to hear you talk about your day."

We've covered this already. 12/10 score. He's already halfway to my heart with this alone. Im weak ok

4. The cooking one.

I can't cook for the life of me so I guess we'll both starve.

Lol fr tho it would be fun to learn stuff together! ^^ Although I should probably steer clear of the kitchen for the most part because lets be honest im a hazard lol, ive had so many accidents with sharp objects its not even funny no its kinda funny

5. Time management.

Welp, either we both just have absolutely terrible schedules and are impulsive little bastards or we're both gonna have to suck it up and keep each other in check/accountable lmao

6. "Saeyoung takes so many photos of you."

Hdvdjwvejebj same tho. When i like something and find it pretty/photogenic, such as certain plants/environments or my cat, Katie (my camera roll is FILLED with pics of her omg she is so pretty and she knows it; i call her "pretty girl" and "princess" all the time), i will take a photo any chance i get. We'll end up with like, this one photo i have of that ex-friend where we took pics of each other right at the same time lolol

His face is so perfect like- i need some way to stare at him when he's not there hehe

7. Meowy.

I freaking love Meowy. Wonder how a real cat would react to her though...

8. Surpises kisses.

Colour me red cos i be dead im sorry

9. "He purposefully dresses up in costumes knowing what you like."

.... maid seven

Although I'd never tell him. He'd have to figure it out, which we all know he would in one way or another.

Also i literally started writing something like this yesterday lol. Its quite a bit spicy hehe >w>

[417]

Someone loves Saeyoung, don't they? Huh? I'm glad that it sparked an unbridled urge to speak about the cutiepie. He can torment you and he will torment you so, remember that you signed up for that. He won't pull your hair too much, he just loves to push your buttons. Don't worry, Saeran and Vanderwood won't let you die in the kitchen.

[softyoongiionly]

Fear and Dumplings: Chapter Fourteen

(GIF isn’t mine)

Confronting your fears for a final grade sounds unappealing but, with Yoongi as your partner, things might not be so bad.

Summary: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Underground Rapper! Yoongi, Soft!!! Yoongi, Fluff!!!, some moderate angst (later), smut (later later), slow-ish? burn.

Word Count: 10.3k (lol, i wanna die) 

A/N: please scream along with me as I drown in a pile of emotion. I’m sorry the last three chapters have been so emotional, yoongi is a complicated boi and, needs roughly 25k to get out all of his feelings. ALSO, the next chapter will finally feature Jimin’s showcase, please send him love and good luck. Not like he needs it lmao

I LOVE YOU

Warnings for this Chapter: moderate angst, SMUT (oh my god its alot), mentions of anxiety and hardship, language, too many feelings.

Warnings for the Fic: mentions characters confronting their fears, characters in uncomfortable situations, emotional moments between characters, mentions of bad parenting, explicit language throughout the fic, moderate angst, and very explicit smut later in the story.

Chapter 14: Angels and Angels

“Jimin, if you move again, I’m going to shove this needle into your perfectly sculpted butt cheek…” You mutter, pinching Jimin’s ass, the sweat on your brow growing significantly.  

This causes a giggle to erupt from your best friend, who is currently contorting his body so that he can stare at himself in the mirror. 

“Yah! Do you miss your little boyfriend that much that you have to take your sexual frustration out on me?” Jimin wiggles his ass in your face and, you admonish him with a smack to his hip as you try your best to finish sewing his costume. 

Jimin called you that morning in a panic after he had ripped his showcase outfit during rehearsal so, you had quickly rushed over after your morning classes to resolve his crisis. 

“He’s not my boyfriend…” You counter, a smile threatening your mouth, “I do miss him though…” 

Jimin stalls his movements, allowing you to finish up, “You really like him don’t you?” 

The smile comes in full force but, thankfully Jimin is facing away from you when it does. 

“Maybe…” 

He rolls his eyes but, allows your vague response, turning slightly to examine your handy work, “You should invite him tomorrow, I still haven’t met him…” 

There is a flutter in your stomach at Jimin’s suggestion. You know that Jimin gets extra credit for the number of people that attend and, having Yoongi there would fill an extra seat. 

All the more reason to invite him… 

“I mean, it’s a big night for you Minnie, if you’re ok with him being there then, I’ll see if he’s free.” You attempt to keep your tone casual but, you’re slightly nervous at the thought of Yoongi being there as your date. 

Professor James cancelled Tuesday’s lecture due to illness and, Yoongi texted you Thursday morning that he wouldn’t be in class that day. Not seeing him for an entire week didn’t exactly sit well with you but, you were determined to not read too much into his absence.  

Jimin smirks, smoothing his hands over his hips, head tilting side to side in the mirror, “It’s my fourth showcase Y/N, it’s not that big of a deal…” 

A scoff leaves your lips, “Um??? It’s your senior showcase, you’re the reigning champion and, you’re about to make history as the only collegiate dancer to win the showcase four years in a row; of course it’s a big deal!” 

He giggles as you shove him playfully, a bit of nervousness creeping into his gaze, “You really think I’m going to win again?” 

 “Jimin,” You turn him towards you, holding each of his wrists in your hands, “I know you’re going to win again.” 

His beautiful smile graces his lips as he thrusts himself in your arms, the white sequins scratching against your skin. You hold him anyway though, you know he needs it. 

“Thank you…” He mumbles into your hair, “I don’t know what I’d do without you…” 

You smile into his neck, the warmth of Jimin’s words filling your heart, “Oh Jimin….I don’t know what you’d do either…” 

He pinches your side, “YAH! Don’t be mean! I would survive…maybe…” 

Squirming out of his hold, you giggle, patting his hip gently, “I don’t know what I’d do without you either Park Fairy. I’d probably die…” 

He points at you,” Exactly, don’t be a brat…” His tone his firm but, the smile on his lips is hard to miss. Jimin turns his attention back towards his full length mirror again to examine his costume. 

It’s a beautiful piece, skintight, covered in white sequins and, thin pearlescent lycra that hug Jimin’s body perfectly. You wondered if this was his entire costume as Jimin was known for quite an elaborate set up. 

“I love this costume by the way, it’s beautiful,” You marvel, putting all of your sewing tools back in their box, “Is the theme still a surprise or can you end my suffering and tell me?” 

Jimin smirks, eyes carefully scanning over his backside,” It’s still a surprise, my leotard is only the base piece, I have a lot more in store…” 

“RIP my mascara…” You lament, snapping your sewing kit shut before grabbing your phone off of the coffee table, “Should I text him now?” 

He giggles, amusement coloring his face as he turns to you, “Why do you look so nervous?” 

“I’m not nervous.” You grumble, thumbs tapping away at your screen to get to your message thread with the dreamiest rapper on Earth aka Min Yoongi.  

The last message that you sent him was wishing him luck on the rest of his composition, which he has been working tirelessly at for the last half of the semester. He only responded with a thumbs up emoji and, that was yesterday at 7:49pm.  

Suddenly, as your fingers hover over the keys, you feel slightly insecure at the lack of communication between the two of you. Last weekend had been amazing and, Yoongi made sure that you arrived back at your apartment safely and during the week he had said something to the effect of ‘I miss you’ without actually saying it.  

Jimin notices your hesitation, “What’s wrong?” 

Your teeth find purchase on your lip but, you avoid his gaze and focus in on your phone. 

“Nothing…I just_” A sigh leaves your lips as you tap the screen to keep it from going black, “ I don’t know… Yoongi and I had a really good time last weekend and, I’m used to not really hearing from him but, I kind of thought after everything that happened between us, there would be a little more communication. I don’t expect him to text me all day or anything but, we both agreed that we liked each other….a lot so, I thought he’d…” 

“Act like a boyfriend?” Jimin offers, a bit of his playfulness diminishing, focusing in on your emotions. 

The word sends butterflies through your stomach but, you shove them out, trying not to drown in your emotions. 

“No…I mean yeah but, like we aren’t together yet so, I can’t expect him to…I don’t know…” Articulating your emotions is not always your strong suit and, for whatever reason, you seem to become especially impaired when Yoongi is involved. 

“Jagi…” Jimin begins, sitting beside you, the sequins scratching your skin as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. “…you’re allowed to want his attention regardless of whether or not you both have a title. Titles are nice but, the feelings are much more important…” 

You deflate a little bit, leaning into Jimin, your teeth still working against your lip, “I really like him…like I want to wake up next to him and, make him breakfast and do cute shit with him and, I’m not used to feeling like this and, I want to crawl into a hole and, never come out…” 

Your pink fairy giggles, pressing a kiss to your head “Yah, you’re not allowed to crawl into a hole, my showcase is tomorrow…” 

“Can I do it after your showcase?” You mutter against his leotard, your thumb tapping your screen again to ensure that it doesn’t go black.  

Jimin scoffs, “I literally just told you that I can’t live without you, do you want me to die?”  

His brows are raised in playful accusation and, you try your best not to get to distracted by how adorable he is. 

“No...” You grumble, lips fixed in a firm pout 

He chuckles now, nudging your hand towards your phone, “Okay then, text him.” 

With a roll of your eyes, you unlock your phone for the third time and, begin typing your message. 

You: Hey, I’m not sure what you’re up to tomorrow, I know you’ve been working on your composition but, my best friend is performing in a dance showcase in the main theater. Do you want to come? I figured we could carpool and, maybe get dinner afterwards or something? Let me know when you get a chance! 

By the end of your message, you feel your heart doing somersaults beneath your sternum. Why the hell were you so nervous? Shouldn’t you be passed this by now? 

“See? I knew you could do it...” Jimin cheers, kissing your head once more before moving to carefully take off his costume. 

“Yes, now I just have to endure a slow painful death while waiting for him to respond...”  A sickly sweet smile is on your mouth which causes Jimin to throw his head back in laughter. 

“Aren’t I supposed to be the dramatic one in this friendship?” 

“No Jimin, you’re the beautiful and talented main character and, I...”You gesture to your chest, “...am your socially inept, quirky side kick...” 

This earns another boisterous round of laughter from your best friend who is currently checking out his nearly naked body in the mirror.  

“Okay, first of all, thank you for calling me beautiful. Second of all, you’re can’t possibly be the sidekick...” 

Your eyes narrow, “Why not?” 

Jimin whips around in your direction, bubblegum hair a disheveled mess ontop of his head, a brilliant smile on his pretty lips, 

“Because you’re my hero...” 

With a mouth parted in shock, you process just how ridiculous your best friend is. At your expression,  

Jimin rushed into another fit of laughter as you respond. 

“Alexa, play Hate That I Love You by Rihanna...” 

 ------------------

After Jimin leaves, you wait approximately 5 hours before getting a response from Yoongi. The response does nothing to aid in soothing your nerves:

Yoongi: Hey sorry it took me so long to respond. I’ve been working, I think I may be able to go but, I was wondering what you were doing right now. I’m having some trouble sorting through something, I know it’s late though, so I understand if you’re sleeping.

Your brow furrows. His message seems odd but, you don’t want to pass up an opportunity to see him. Plus, you definitely wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that he’s having an issue.

You: I can come by, what’s the address? Are you ok?

5 more minutes pass before another message comes in,

Yoongi: I just want to hang out, this week has been kind of rough.

Yoongi: 8294 Han Road. I’m in the 4th studio space. Just ring the front and, tell them you’re here for me, they should let you through. Sorry it’s so late.

You frown at his admission, wanting nothing more than to be with him now that you know your suspicion is correct.

You: Don’t be sorry, I’ll be there as soon as I can.

His message comes through within seconds and, you can’t help but feel a little nervous at seeing him in his studio. There’s also this feeling; a feeling that indicates that something is wrong. Yoongi has never asked you to come see him and, that paired with his odd behavior this past week has your stomach in knots.

What if he didn’t want to see you anymore?

You both agreed that you liked eachother but, life was busy for the both of you. The conversation on the Ferris wheel inches its way back to the forefront of your mind. Yoongi said that you two getting together would be a bad idea, was he returning to that conclusion?

 He never explained why he felt that way in the first place.

The Uber ride to Yoongi’s studio costs you $9.78. You didn’t realize how close he was to your apartment and, as the car pulls up to the faded brick building, you feel your heartbeat grow to an alarming level.

“Thank you, have a good night…”

“No problem, have a good one.”

The exchange with the driver is short and, given that he didn’t talk to you the entire car ride, you decide to rate him 5 stars.

 As you approach the front entrance, you notice the soft blue neon sign hanging off of the door that reads: SoundCrowd.

Clever.

You’re definitely in the right place.

The door swings open effortlessly and, you’re met with an empty lobby. Tables, chairs and, various flyers containing the studios information are the only things that greet you when you walk in. The clear glass that separates the lobby from the reception desk make the whole place feel like some sort of medical clinic; it’s not exactly a beacon of creative energy. You hope Yoongi’s studio space was less clinical.

“Can I help you?” A deep but, friendly voice calls from behind the glass.

The receptionist is an older guy, maybe in his mid-30s, wearing what looks to be a ghost busters pajama set.

“Yeah, I was looking for Yoongi? He said he was in the 4th studio space…”

The man smirks knowingly, “You’re here for Min huh? Tell you what, I’ll let you through but, you have to promise me you’ll try to get him to go home. The dude’s been here for like four days straight…”

Your brow furrows, “Four days? Are you serious, he hasn’t gone home or anything?”

The man clicks his tongue, “I live upstairs, and his car’s been here since Monday. He used my shower about an hour ago but, other than that, I don’t even think he’s left the room…”

A sigh leaves your lips at the information, “Jesus.”

“Are you his girlfriend?”

The word makes your heart go fuzzy and, your first instinct is to say yes but, the last thing you need is for Yoongi to find out that you made your relationship official without him.   

“Uh no, we’re just_” You trail off, searching for the right word, “we’re dating but, he’s been a friend of mine for quite a while…”

He smirks, waving you over to him, “No need to explain, I’m just happy Min is getting some sort of human interaction. He’s been a god tier introvert ever since I’ve known him. I’m Sejin by the way…”

A hand is extended through the opening in the glass and, you accept it graciously, bowing your head.

“Y/N,” You smile, “it’s really good to meet you. How long have you guys known each other?”

Sejin squints his eyes for a moment, tilting his head in thought, “Oh geez uh, let’s see, Yoongi’s 25 this year…uh…ten years maybe?”

Your brows go up, “Oh wow, are you from Daegu too?”

At your seemingly normal question, Sejin grows visibly uncomfortable, as if a realization just crossed his brain. You fear you may be asking too many questions but before you can amend, Sejin speaks up again.

“Uh, Yoongi’s never mentioned me has he?”

“No, he hasn’t, I’m sorry…” You smile looking towards the buzzer near Seijin’s hand, wishing you would have just asked him to buzz you in.

“Oh don’t be sorry at all,” A soft smile is sent your way as he sees that you may have gotten the wrong impression. Sejin nods toward the door, “Yoongi lived with me for a while when he first came to the city, I’m a friend of his older brother. I’m sure he’ll tell you more about it if you ask; Here let me buzz you in, he’ll be straight down the hall to your right.”

Confusion swirls in the forefront of your mind but, you smile nonetheless, turning towards the door, “Thank you so much, it was nice meeting you.”

He bows his head, offering a small smile, “Nice meeting you too.”

There are rooms lining either side of the long hallway, some of which emit a low hum of music through their barriers.  Yoongi certainly isn’t the only night owl plugging away in the building.

Turning right at the end of the hall, you’re met with a black door boasting a sign that read “#4.” The irregular heartbeat is back as you raise your hand to knock at the door but, your desire to finally see Yoongi after nearly a week overruns the nervousness that you feel.

“Come in.” You hear his voice through the door and, quickly, you turn the knob and, let yourself in.

You’re met with a confusing sight. 

The studio space was dimly lit with a low hanging turquoise fixture that sends a calming wave of light throughout the small room. The walls contain various speakers and, electrical equipment and, along with a work desk, you notice a giant monitor, nearly the size of a flat screen and, every production tool that any musician could ever dream of. However, there was also several indicators that Sejin was right about Yoongi never leaving this room. There’s a black pull out couch on the right side of the room that looks like he hasn’t been slept in, a few pieces of Yoongi’s clothes scattered on the floor and, perhaps the most disturbing thing is the overflowing trashcan in the far corner of the room containing nothing but empty coffee cups. From what you can tell, there isn't a single take out box so, that either means that Yoongi has been taking his food trash out or, that he hasn’t been eating at all.

And then there’s Yoongi, who’s just turned to look at whoever just came through his door. He’s sitting in the black desk chair,  dressed in a pair of torn up black jeans and a grey hoodie, his formerly platinum hair is a faded brown now and damp from his shower. He musters a small smile for you, his normally cat like eyes are sunken in, clearly from a lack of sleep and, his lips are chapped, another indicator that he hasn’t been taking care of himself.

“Hey you…” You smile, setting your purse down by the door, trying to gauge what’s going through his mind.

“Hi…um thank you for coming…” He rasps, his eyes shifting nervously over you, fingers itching to reach out for you.

You shake your head, “Of course, is everything ok?”

Yoongi opens his mouth immediately as if he’s already has an answer prepared but, he deflates soon after, looking at you helplessly, “No, not really I-“

He takes a deep breath, looking away from you, trying to keep it together. You don’t say a word as you close the space between you, moving to stand in front of his seated figure. Instantly, you pull him into a warm hug, holding him tightly, not needing him to explain just yet.

Yoongi feels so much of the tension melt away from his body as he feels your embrace, his arms coming up to reciprocate, burying his face into your hip.

The two of you don’t speak for a few seconds but, you feel Yoongi shake silently, not daring to untuck his face from you as he lets the tears spill over his eyes.

This causes your heart to shatter but, you don’t break the silence yet, allowing him to process his pain how he needs to. You keep him close though and, rub his back soothingly as he collects himself.

“I’m sorry…” He mumbles into your yellow sweatshirt, regretting that he’s staining the material with tears, “I should have texted you more, I just…this week’s been really hard.”

You shake your head, holding him tighter, “Don’t be sorry, I knew you were working on your project this week, it’s completely ok…”

This is said for his benefit of course, you didn’t want him to worry about your fear that he had lost interest when he clearly had something much more pressing going on.

“I wanted to text you…the first night I got like this but-“ He cuts himself off to sniffle, still not releasing you from his grip. “I didn’t want to bother you, or freak you out or anything…”

“Hey-“ You tilt his face towards yours, thumbing away one of the tears that is attempting to roll down his face, “-you’re never a bother to me, especially if something is wrong…”

He turns his face to place a gentle kiss against your thumb before sighing out shakily against your skin, “I can’t get this fucking song right Y/N. I’ve been at this for 5 months now and, it always comes out wrong, I’ve rewritten it like 10 different times and, I can’t do it. It’s shitty. I’m not cut out for this, I’m not good enough to go pro, I should’ve_”

He trails off, his eyes reddening as the tears collect once more at the corners of his eyes, “ I should’ve listened to my father, he told me to major in business, he said this would happen and, he was fucking right.”

His words create a deep ache within your heart.

How could someone so talented, doubt their abilities so much?

It’s not the first time you’ve seen it but, you’ve yet to understand it.

“I know you’re upset, I know that this seems impossible right now and, you’re unbelievably frustrated but, Yoongi…” You tilt his head back towards yours, your gaze growing firmer, “You were born to do this. You are the most talented musician I’ve ever known and, the quality of your stuff? The way you write, the way you think, it’s a sign. It’s a sign that this is what you’re meant to do. You’re not meant to be in a suit, slaving away at a corporate job you don’t even like, that’s what everyone else is doing. Yes, it may be more stable, it may provide a steady income and, give your parents something to brag about but, it isn’t you. Your happiness is in music, I can see that. You light up when you talk about it, you lit up on that fucking stage, and had half the city eating out of the palm of your hands. You are so incredible, you have no idea…”

Yoongi feels his heart swell in his chest, no one has ever spoken to him about his music like this, not with this much passion. But then again, Yoongi’s never known another person like you, he’s never known another that can make him feel so good.

“But jagi…the song…it’s not coming together, my professor is going to hate it…” He urges, anxiety still squirming around in his stomach. He wraps his arms around you tighter though, feeling a bit of comfort at your words.

“Did you think the crowd at Glacier was going to hate your song too?” You point out and, as you do, he bites his lip, sniffling again.

“Yeah…I did…”

A hand is carded gently through his damp hair as you smile down at him, “And look what happened Agust D, you became the city’s champion underground rapper. Did you lock yourself up in this studio and live off of Americanos for weeks on end then too?”

A smile threatens his lips, “You remembered my order…” he sighs, nodding reluctantly at your question, “I do this a lot…”

A breath is released through your nose as you smile gently at his observation but, the frown between your brows remains, “I don’t want to tell you how to live your life Yoongi but, you can’t do this to yourself. I know self-doubt can be borderline parasitic sometimes but, you have to try and cut yourself some slack. I know how hard anxiety can be, I know it can make you feel like the world is coming to an end but, please know that you are so much more capable than you realize. Sometimes it helps to step away from something and, revisit it when you’ve had time to clear your head. I have to do that with my proposals all the time…”

Yoongi moves back slightly to wipe a hand over his face, taking a deep breath as he nods in consideration of your words, “You’re right…I know you’re right. It’s just hard for me not to fall into this cycle sometimes. I got help when I started school, for my anxiety and, it helped but, old habits die hard you know? I just start overthinking everything…I can never get rid of that part.”

You lean down to press a kiss to his forehead before slowly helping him to his feet. “You might not ever get rid of that, you’re only human. Overthinking is my first reaction too but, over the years, I’ve slowly learned to not trust every crazy scenario my brain comes up with.”

He smiles and, this time you see it reach his eyes, the sight calms you significantly. “You’re…”

Yoongi shakes his head, “I knew you’d say the right thing, you always do…”

“Come here.” You smile, pulling him into a hug, tucking your face into his neck, “I’m sorry you’ve been going through this…try to reach out earlier next time ok? So this doesn’t go on so long, you know I’m here for you.”

He nods sagely, rubbing his hands on your lower back, “ I will, I promise…”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roughly an hour later, after you’ve gotten Yoongi to eat a good meal, the two of you start indulging in one another, the lack of contact starting to get to both of you. 

Your lips peck against Yoongi’s gently, just as a means to soothe him, your hands placed firmly on his shoulders.

 “I just...” He whispers against your mouth, attempting to melt away against your touch.   

He needs it, now more than ever.  

“Hm?” You hum gently, combing your fingers through his hair, nails scratching tenderly at his scalp.  

“I just don’t want to think anymore.” He breathes, responding more and more to the kisses placed against his lips.  

The column of his throat is eagerly arching towards your lips in a silent invitation. At the sight of his swallow, tender flesh, you frown at the lack of color there.  

“Your marks are gone.” You murmur, kissing the corner of his mouth  

Yoongi swears he wants to cry. He's kept his distance all week, trying to make sense of his emotions, trying to perfect his composition. But now, with you here, touching him, loving on him, he realizes how desperate he is for you; for relief.  

“Make new ones please...I just want to stop thinking...help me.” He practically keens his response but, he keeps it in check for the most part, not wanting you to consent for the wrong reasons.   

You bring your eyes to his, holding his desperate gaze, a smirk beginning to play on your lips.  

“How do you want me to help you?” You tease, encouraging him to articulate his desires.   

His cheeks flush even more, his Adams apple bobbing as he attempts to swallow back his nerves.  

He doesn’t know what’s come over him but, your tone compels him to his knees and, as his jean clad limbs touch the tile, he speaks, “You know...you know me, you know how to take care of me...”   

The response goes straight between your thighs; his small voice, his display of respect, you can tell this is something he’s had on his mind or awhile and, after the week he’s endured, you conclude that he needs to let loose.   

A finger is curled under his chin, directing his cat-like eyes up towards your own. You can tell he’s nervous but, the way he shifts eagerly on the floor tells you he’s more than ready for you.  

“You think so?” You coo, thumbing over his chin, smirking down at him  

He nods eagerly at the conclusion of your first sentence but, continues to nod throughout your teasing.  

“Use your words...” You urge, tightening your grip on his chin, admiring how beautiful he is on his knees.   

“Ye--...” His voice is already shot so, he clears his throat attempting to speak clearer, “Yes...”  

Your teeth press into your bottom lip, as your hand moves from his chin to push his faded brown hair away from his forehead.  

 “You want me to call the shots so you don’t have to?” You’re taking your time to rile him up, knowing it will pay off for him in the end.  

Another eager nod comes from Yoongi as he pushes against your hand, his doll-like lips going dry from his heavy breathing.  

“Yeah...I trust you; I’ll be so good for you, I promise.” He vows, lips brushing against your wrist, his dark eyes never once leaving yours.  “Please…” 

You tug on his hair then, drawing a whimper deep from within his chest. Yoongi feels his nipples harden as the pain pricks deliciously against his scalp.  

“You like this right? When I pull on it?”   

“Yes.” He breathes, shivering as your fingers brush across his lips and, down over his neck.  

“And...” You whisper, keeping your tone gentle as your hand wraps around Yoongi’s throat.  

This causes him to exhale shakily, his cautious eyes widening like saucers as he stares up at you.  

“Wh-…"  

You attempt to finish your sentence but, Yoongi’s shaky voice beats you to it, his request tumbling clumsily past his lips.  

“Fuck...please choke me...”  

He sounds so weak and, yet so sure of himself at the same time. You two had just begun breaching your sexual interests but, stepping into true dominant/submissive roles is something you’ve yet to do.

Whatever is about to happen, is going to be completely new territory for the both of you.   

The tightening around Yoongi’s throat makes him see stars; he feels like one of those cartoon characters that’s just been hit with a ton of bricks. Its intoxicating.   

“Oh-” Yoongi’s voice is raspier underneath your grip, his dick plumping up painfully against the zipper of his jeans.   

“You like when I choke you?” You coo, still holding his throat but, decreasing the pressure slightly.  

He nods, gasping as you tighten your grip again, testing the waters. Yoongi can already feel the dampness in his jeans but, he doesn’t care, he wants so much more tonight; he wants you to ruin him.   

“Use your words...” You remind him gently, urging him to open up as your free hand combs back through his hair.  

He exhales shakily once again, “Yes...”  

A fond smile is on your face then as you take a moment to run your fingers through his chestnut locks. You slowly urge him towards you so that he’s close enough to rest his chin against the center of your stomach. Yoongi stares up eagerly, awaiting instructions, his breathing uneven and, you take the small moment of silence to tug on his hair again. This causes his hands to come up and grip your outer thighs in desperation and, if he wasn’t already suffering in his jeans before, he definitely is now.   

With a salacious smirk you slowly bend at the waist so you can brush your lips against Yoongi’s, holding his gaze all the while, “I need a safe word from you...can you think of one for me?”   

Yoongi can’t think of anything aside from you at the moment along with his painfully hard dick threatening to bust out of his jeans but, he tries his best to wrack his brain for a suitable answer.  

“Dragon.”   

He scans your face for approval, hoping his choice was sufficient and, if you weren’t fulfilling the role of caretaker, you would be melting onto the floor right now.  

“Dragon it is...” You smile, combing a hand through his hair again, resisting the urge to tug on it, “You use that word anytime you need to ok? And we’ll stop...”  

Yoongi returns your smile, exhaling at the touch of your fingers, “Ok...”  

“Good boy.” The words are spoken into his hair when you lean over to kiss the top of his head. His hands haven’t moved from the outside of your thighs and, at the touch of your lips, he squeezes them again, “Stand up for me.”  

At your request, you move away from him, offering your hands as support. Yoongi looks at them tentatively before interlocking his fingers with yours and, slowly moving to his feet. Through the holes in his jeans, you can see how red his knees got from kneeling on the floor.  

You want the rest of him to match...  

“Come here...” You practically coo at him, curling a finger in your direction, beckoning him towards you. Yoongi never takes his eyes off of you as he takes the three steps necessary to reach you. As he stands before you, you keep his eye contact and, curl your fingers underneath the hem of his grey hoodie.  

“Arms up.”   

He obliges immediately, raising them high above his head, allowing you to slowly pull the material off of his body. Yoongi feels the hairs on his arms stand at attention as the cooler air of the studio hits his exposed skin. Without instruction you hook a finger underneath his chin and, silently bring his lips to yours. The two of you kiss, slow and sweet, taking time to lull deeper into one another. Your tongue slips in first, laving against Yoongi’s timid but eager mouth, as your hands begin slowly moving up the sides of his torso. A smirk is pushed into the kiss when Yoongi shivers at your touch, his whole body on fire for you.   

“You trust me to take care of you right?” You murmur into his mouth and, not two seconds go by before he’s nodding. “You’re gonna be good for me?”  

A half of a whimper slips out of Yoongi’s swollen lips, his hands come out to touch your waist as he nods again.  

“Yes, I’ll be good...”  

You smirk again, deciding that one of your goals tonight is to get Yoongi to feel more comfortable talking dirty to you. It’s a quality he possesses and, you can tell it’s something he’s into but, it takes a certain level of lust to send him there.   

“Why are you gonna be good for me?” The question is spoken between a few kisses and, you can’t express the delight you feel when he’s cheeks go red again.  

“Because-” His words are cut off as you slowly start to tickle your fingers over his ribs, the pads of your thumbs inching toward his erect nipples. “…. you deserve my respect. You deserve my obedience...”  

Good answer.  

“What makes me so deserving hm?” You coo against his neck, sucking gently against the sweet spot at the juncture of his collar bone. Before he can answer, you swipe your thumbs over his nipples. Yoongi swears he already feels like he’s going to pass out but, he does his best to answer coherently.   

“All women deserve my respect but, you...” He breathes, his head falling back on his shoulders, exposing his skin to you,, his hips rutting forward as you continue brushing your thumbs over his nipples, “you’re the best woman I know...you always take care of me, you’re always so nice to me. I wanna give you everything I can, so I’m worthy for you.”   

Yoongi is more than worthy enough for you but, given his history with insecurity, you can’t say his answer surprises you. However, if you weren’t melting into the floor before, you certainly are now.   

“You are worthy angel, come here...” The whispered command brings Yoongi’s mouth back onto yours as he swears he could cry at the particular pet name you just chose.  

Do you really think he’s an angel?  

He can’t imagine why...  

With your bodies pressed together and, your lips delicately tending to his, you speak again, initiating the rest of your plan, “Are you ready to play Yoongi?”  

Another nod comes from the angel in question, his nose nudging against yours as he does,   

“Mhm...”  

God, you didn’t know you’d be this into his submission but, here you are, completely drenched and he hasn’t even touched you yet.   

“Sit down on the chair for me, hands on the arm rests.” 

He follows orders, sitting down on his desk chair, spreading his legs to accommodate the throbbing erection pushing against his zipper.  His long fingers curl over the edges of the arm rests as his chest rises and falls with his increasing heartrate.     

You watch him carefully, mulling over multiple options that will hopefully make him cum so hard he can’t think straight. The first move you make is removing your hoodie, baring your black lacy bra to him: an article of clothing you chose specifically because you knew he liked it.  

The thing is though, Yoongi is no ordinary man. When he’s truly submitting, he does nothing without permission, not even look at you. Even as you step in front of him, Yoongi’s eyes stay glued to the floor but, the ever increasing motion of his chest gives away his reaction.  

“Didn’t you miss me Yoongi? Why aren’t you looking at me?” You grin, knowing the answer already 

He shakes his head, not wanting you to misunderstand him, “I missed you, so much, I just hadn’t asked permission to look at you yet. May I look at you?” 

“You may.” 

He doesn’t need further coaxing. He immediately brings his eyes up to your body, scanning over you eagerly, wincing as he feels his dick twitch in his jeans. 

“So pretty...�� He murmurs, eyes full of adoration, “thank you for letting me see you...” 

“Don’t look away.” You demand softly, smirking in his direction as you slowly unclip your bra, revealing your breasts to him. As the cool air of the studio hits your sensitive chest, your nipples harden causing Yoongi to finally lick his lips.  

He wants them in his mouth so badly but, he wouldn’t dare question your plan. He knows you’re going to do right by him. 

“Jagi...” Yoongi pulls in another deep breath to calm himself, resisting the urge to gawk at you, “you’re so beautiful...” 

You’ve moved in closer to him, standing between his thighs in just your leggings before dipping down to kneel on the floor. 

As your nails slowly slide up his legs, you respond, “I wish you knew how beautiful I think you are...maybe then you’d be able to see what I see.” 

Yoongi’s lips part in awe of what you just said, feeling very overwhelmed before the two of you have even started.  

“You think_” He exhales, eyes fluttering with the sensation of your fingers inching closer to the inseam of his jeans, “…you think I’m beautiful?”

Your fingers tickle over his inner thighs before crawling over his unstable hips and towards his zipper. As you reach his erection, your eyes travel to his, catching a glimpse of his fucked out expression. His pupils are dilated, his lips are swollen, cheeks pink and puffy like fresh cherry blossoms, his fingers twitch on the arm rests; he’s growing desperate with anticipation.

“You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen Min Yoongi. I wouldn’t be caught dead on my knees for any other man…” You whisper, holding his gaze as you yank down his zipper, the motion causing a gasp to leave his lips. The relief is minimal but, Yoongi is grateful that his swollen dick finally has the room fully stand at attention. 

You deserve his full attention.

“You’re beautiful…” Is all he manages, his ability to form coherent sentences slowly slipping away.

His hips are lifted at your instructions as you pull his jeans and boxers from his hips, leaving him completely exposed to you. Yoongi feels a little insecure, his got a bit of a tummy on him as he’s been skipping the gym and, eating nothing but takeout the past few months. He didn’t shave either and, he’s waiting for some sort of negative reaction from you but, instead he feels the sharp pull of arousal in his stomach as you start kissing up his thighs.

“I should punish you for the way you’ve treated yourself this past week…” You admonish before taking the tender flesh of his inner thigh between your teeth, sucking hard enough to make him squirm.

Yoongi’s breath catches as he winces from the pain, his thigh jumping away from the sensation, “I’m sorry…I’m really sorry.”

Your tongue laves over the battered flesh before you make your way to the other thigh, taking time to blow cool air over his engorged dick. He shivers whilst thinking of what he would give to be in your mouth right now but, he won’t beg. He won’t try and sway you in any direction; he wants your full control.

“I told you last weekend not to talk shit to yourself didn’t I? So you can imagine my surprise when I come in here tonight and, you’re doing just that…you don’t want to disobey me do you?” You coo, pouting your lips before sucking his skin back between your teeth, creating an identical mark on his right thigh.

“Ah-“ He whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut, feeling rather tipsy at the sensation of pain, “No…of course not. I want to listen…”

A dark chuckle leaves your lips as you start placing kisses up his thigh, a wicked sense of delight coursing when his dick twitches towards your mouth, “Oh he wants to listen now does he?  Is it because my lips are so close to your dick?”

Yoongi grips the arm rests, his fingers slipping off due to the sweat created by his palms. Despite the cool temperature of the room, he feels like he’s on fire, he doesn’t think his ever been this turned on in his life.

“No, that’s not the only reason…” His hips jerk along with his stomach trembling when he feels your nails tickle their way over his hips, “I want to be good for you.”

As your nails conclude their teasing over his lower stomach, you let them rest against his hip bones as you ask your next question, “Mm, then you’ll sit there like a good boy while I have my way with you then won’t you?”

Before he can answer your question, a ragged whimper leaves his throat when you scratch your nails harshly across his soft pale skin, leaving aggravated lines of red as you do.

“Oh my fucking god…” He mumbles, eyes watering when his dick does the impossible and swells further, “I’d sit here like a good boy no matter what you wanted to do to me…”

He confesses, his faded chestnut hair sticking to his forehead, his eyes completely blown out with lust.

You prepare your nails to scratch him again and tickle them up the sides of his body, taking a moment to brush your fingertips over his pert nipples. Yoongi’s body is really sensitive but, his chest in particular always garnishes a special reaction from him. Your nails settle right where his heart is and, you can actually feel it pounding against his chest, “I want you to touch yourself for me…can you do that?”

Yoongi lets out a shaky breath and, once again you interrupt his answer by dragging your nails across his chest, digging in harder this time.

He actually feels his dick leaking at the sensation whilst his body arches off the desk chair, craving more of your touch.

“I have to go slow…I’m so hard right now, I don’t know how I’m gonna last….” He warns, his eyes shifting in uncertainty and, you take the time to admire how utterly innocent he looks.

Yoongi may be intimidating to those who don’t know him but, to you, with you, he is the softest man you’ve ever known.

But now isn’t the time for tenderness, you know what he needs.

He needs to be ruined.

So you’ll do just that…

Your hand comes out to wrap around his neck which elicits another gasp from his pink lips, his body going limp at your touch. You squeeze gently, just enough to slow the air circulation and lean in so your lips can brush against his.

“You’ll last because I tell you to last, because this dick belongs to me doesn’t it?”

Yoongi’s face is weak with pleasure as he nods eagerly, a small whimper leaving his lips, “Uh huh…”

A smirk forms on your lips as you squeeze his throat a little tighter, his dick jumping in response, “Say it…”

“My…my dick is yours jagi…” He gasps when you use your free hand to brush gently over his aching nipples, the sensation a huge contrast from what you’re doing to his throat.

“Your cum is mine…” You egg him on, dragging the pad of your thumb gently over either of his nipples.

“Ugh fuck…” He curses, his eyes locking onto yours and lull in and out of focus, “My cum is yours…everything is yours…”

Licking your lips, you loosen your grip slightly, giggling wickedly as he tries to reach for your lips, “You want me to hurt you while you jack off baby?”

Yoongi swears you must be sent from heaven, or maybe hell, either way, he’s dancing on the edges of euphoria at the moment. It’s like you know exactly what he’s thinking, he’s never known anyone who can anticipate his desires so well.

“Mhm…” He hums, the sound edging very close to a coo.

There is something that crosses your mind, something you hadn’t thought of before this began: was Yoongi capable of going into subspace? Because the glossy eyed expression, the yearning look, the pliant posture and slack jaw, everything about him looks like he’s heading in that direction.

“Yeah? You want me to hurt you really good?”

His mouth falls open as soon as you slide your cupped hand up his throat, your thumb brushing tenderly against his lips, “Yeah…please hurt me…”

Oh fuck, he’s right there…

“Suck…” You command gently, staring into his eyes, which have started to glaze over at your touch. He takes your thumb in his mouth, sucking eagerly, holding your eyes for approval, laving his tongue against the tip of it. “show me how you touch yourself baby…”

He nods, still sucking on your thumb before removing his sweaty hand down to his aching length. Yoongi’s eyes squeeze shut as he slowly curves a fist around himself, and, his leg twitches when he starts stroking his dick.

The relief is instant and, you feel the vibrations of his moans against your thumb. As he works himself up, you move away from him to kneel back between his knees.

His breathing is heavier, his toes are fidgeting against the floor but, his eyes refuse to leave yours, even as they threaten to close from pleasure.

You slowly tease your nails down his chest, over his ribs and hips, dangerously close to his dick, over his now bruised inner thighs and, all the way down to his ankles.

He brushes his thumb over his tip, a small whimper leaving his lips as his eyes squeeze close at the sensation. He’s already close, you’ve been winding him up for the past 45 minutes but, he holds on desperately, not wanting this to end.

“What do you think about when you touch yourself Yoongi?”

He takes another shaky breath and, does his best to swallow properly, despite his mouth being completely dry, “Lately, all I think about is you…I don’t even watch porn that often…”

Before you ask another question, you dig your nails into his calves and slowly begin dragging them up his legs. His whole body jerks in response, his hand faltering over his tip, he has to pull away for a moment, he almost came right there.

“ohmygod….” He keens, mostly to his self, his wide eyes looking away for a moment while he desperately tries to get a hold of himself.

“Oh but, you do watch porn? You’re cumming for other women then?” You tease and, Yoongi would panic that you’re actually upset but, the playful smirk on your face tells him that you’re just giving him a hard time.

“I don’t watch women…” He breathes, a ghost of smirk now playing on his own lips, “I watch men mostly, women in porn are annoying…they’re all annoying honestly…”

This makes you giggle but, you feel yourself growing wetter at the thought of Yoongi, getting off to men.

“So you think of me sometimes?” You’re still teasing him and, he knows you’re fishing but, he’s so into you he doesn’t care; he’d write a fucking thesis on you if he had the time.

He shakes his head, stifling a moan as you drag your nails over his hips when his hand reaches the tip of his dick; he really doesn’t know how he’s going to last.

“No…you don’t get it…” His breath is fucked and, his dick is so hard he wants to cry, it takes everything in him not to beg, “I think about you all the time…I’ve been thinking about you, ever since I came to your house that first time…”

Lust swirls deep in your panties; you don’t know how much longer you’re going to be able to do this either, his dick looks so good, hard, swollen and aching to be fucked. But you haven’t finished ruining him yet, you want him completely desperate before you give in.

“When I pulled your hair the first time?” You smirk, your hands travelling up his body once again as he nods, licking over his lips.

“Ye…yeah…that’s why I left so quickly, you made me hard…” He gasps again as your hand makes it back up to his neck, “…I…are you gonna choke me again?” His eyes look wary, almost frightened, the motions on his dick slowing again, “I don’t….jagi, I don’t know what to do…I don’t want to disappoint you but, if you…if you choke me again, I don’t…”

You smirk, tightening your hand around his neck before he can finish his sentence, “You’re gonna what baby?

“Oh fuck-“ He squeaks, his eyes starting to water when he squeezes over his tip, trying to halt his release, “Jagiya…I can’t…I can’t hold it, you have to stop…”

“Hold it, or I’ll tie you to this chair and leave you like this…” You hiss into his mouth, and his brow furrows in desperation but, his balls tighten further at your threat. The hand around his neck doesn’t cease its constriction and, his hand actually begins to move faster on his length.

His starting to learn…

“Good boy…don’t stop…” You kiss at his lips but, not long enough for him to respond to you, his whole body on fire and shivering at the same time.

Yoongi nods in determination, a shaky breath leaving his nose as he follows orders. He tenses however as you stand up, your left hand coming up to comb through his hair, which is matted against his forehead with sweat.

“Please…” He whimpers but, its not for permission to cum, you know exactly what it’s for.

Curling your fingers around the roots of his hair you tug hard enough to push his head back against the desk chair and, before he can even react, you use your other hand to tighten around his throat.

That’s it, that’s what breaks him.

Tears collect at the corner of his eyes as they widen like saucers, his mouth falling back open as he tries to cry out but, he’s too hoarse to do so.

“Y/N please…baby…baby please, pleasefuckme, pleasefuckme, I can’t…I need you...“ He’s completely lost it, he’s rambling, his eyes aren’t even in focus.

He isn’t even really looking at you but, you know you’ve got him, he’s made it there.

In less than ten seconds, he’s out of the desk chair and onto the pull out couch. He trembles beneath you; his hands reach up as if the lack of contact is painful.

Leaning down to him, you press a tender kiss to his lips to which he responds like a starving man.

“Please jagi…please I need you so bad, I’m sorry I need you, I need you…I really fucking need you…” He sounds like his about to cry and you nod, your tenderness returning just as quickly as it left, your panties pushed haphazardly off of your hips

“Hey…hey...I’m coming angel, I’m coming, just breath for me ok? I’m going to make it better…” You coo, pressing him gently into the squeaky mattress of the pull out couch, the cool sheets welcome against his hot skin.

He nods, not fully able to focus as he wraps his hands around your hips. You press another kiss to his lips before your final command is given, “As soon as I sink down onto you, I want you to cum ok? Can you do that for me?”

Yoongi’s bleary gaze finally locks onto your eyes, his body weakened with desire, “I’ll do anything for you…”

You can’t even recognize his voice, it’s so small, so weak and, so in…

You can’t say it.

Not yet.

But you can feel it, its bubbling right underneath the surface.

As soon as you sink down on him, you give him a few good strokes of your drenched heat before his whole body arches off the bed. Yoongi’s face is buried into your neck, his dull nails dig into your hips as he lets out a cry that shatters you.

You can feel how much he’s cumming as shot after shot of his release paints the inside of you. He’s cumming so hard that he starts crying, his silent whimpering enough to send you over the edge with him.

“don’t stop…don’t stop…” He cries into your neck, holding you so tight to him that it restricts your movements.

All you can do is nod as white hot pleasure takes over your senses, your orgasm just as intense given the events of the last hour.

Yoongi completely loses himself, he cums again, his hips glued to yours as he cries for you. Part of him would feel embarrassed but, he’s too fucked out to care. He’s too in…

Not yet.

He can’t say it, but it’s in his throat.

Its in his heart.

God, he’s never felt so good in his life, he never knew it could be this good.

“Y/N…” He croaks when your hips start settling down. His face doesn’t leave your neck but, he starts sucking gently on it, trying to ground himself.

He feels like he’s floating.

“Baby…” Yoongi practically coos, hands glued to your skin, still sniffling as his tears slowly come to a halt.

The smile that graces your face is brilliant and full of adoration. You slowly pull off of him, “I’m right here angel, I got you…”

You want to get him in a more comfortable position so you can hold him but when you try to pull away to do so, he panics, his glossy eyes widening in fear.

“No…no…” He tries to protest but, you kiss his forehead to reassure him

“Shh…I’m not going anywhere, I just want to hold you…come here for me…” You murmur, kissing his forehead again.

He’s suspicious, not thinking clearly but, he trusts you, not moving more than an inch away from your body as you shift the two of you to sit against the back of the couch. Yoongi scrambles to get closer to you, making himself smaller as he lays his upper half into your chest, tucking his face back into your neck.

“I got you baby boy, I got you…” You whisper, hoping the soft blue light in the studio will soothe him further along with gentle kisses pressed to his skin, “You did so good for me angel…”

Silent tears fall down his cheeks as he tucks further into you, “I did good?”

He checks again, feeling so vulnerable and, yet so safe at the same time.

You smile, pressing a kiss to his sweaty forehead, your nails gently combing his hair back, “You did amazing. You were so good for me.”

His small mouth curves in a dreamy smile, still trembling but, feeling slightly more grounded, “You keep calling me angel….you’re the angel…my angel.”

“You can’t steal my nickname…” You giggle, causing his small smile to turn into a gummier smile as he nuzzles your neck.

“So pretty…” Is all he can think of to say but, you know he’s talking about your laugh.

God, you feel like crying right now though, you could have never guessed that you could feel this strongly about another person.

When a comfortable silence falls over you, you take a moment to notice how banged up he really is. His body is decorated with pinks and purples, scratches, bites, a hicky or two; you really did a number on him and, you want to take care of his skin before it gets too uncomfortable.

“Yoongi? Baby, I need to put something on your scratches, I have cooling gel in my bag-“ You begin to say but, his eyes quickly widen again and, the same panicked look returns.

“Don’t…don’t go-“ He urges, holding you tighter.

You know it’s a symptom of him being in subspace, he doesn’t actually think your leaving but, a lack of contact with you makes him nervous.

“I’ll come right back, my bag is on the floor…” You assure him gently, pressing a kiss between his eyes.

His eyes flutter shut at your kiss and, his hands tighten on you one last time before, he kind of gets a grip on himself.

He knows he’s being a little unreasonable but, he’s never felt like this before, he feels intoxicated and so incredibly needy.

“Ok…” He reluctantly agrees

Another kiss is placed to his forehead before you move quickly to retrieve the gel from your purse. As soon as you sit back down with him, he immediately wraps himself around you, hiding away in your neck as you start to apply the gel to his skin. His breathing is beginning to even out as he melts into you, letting you take care of him.

Like you always do…

“How do you feel?” You whisper into his hair as you smooth the substance over his neck, which has reddened slightly.

“I feel high…” He muses, sounding a little bit more like himself.

His response causes you to giggle, “I’m that good huh?”

Yoongi smirks, kissing your neck slowly, “You invented sex…”

Another giggle bubbles over your lips, as you pull the sheet over Yoongi’s body, “Do you feel better then?”

“Mhm…” He hums into your neck, kissing up the length of it before finding your lips. A soft kiss is placed there before he speaks again, “I wish I could articulate better but, you fucked me stupid jagi…”

Smiling into the kiss, you comb a hand through his hair, scratching gently at the scalp, “Don’t worry about it, take your time, I’m right here if you need me…”

The two of you stay like this for quite some time, holding each other, as you slowly settle back down. Yoongi stays quiet for the most part, doing his best to center his thinking which proves to be quite easy as the only thing he can really think about is you.

A half an hour passes before he finally speaks up, feeling the need to explain something to you.

“I used to live here…” He murmurs, face still tucked into your chest

Your brow furrows at his statement, “Here? At the studio?”

He shakes his head, “It wasn’t always a studio, ten years ago it was a halfway house for troubled youth…”

The beating of your heart stalls but, as you open your mouth to respond, Yoongi continues, his voice stabilizing finally, “My parents are not supportive of what I do. When I was a teenager, we used to fight all the time about it. They tried to force me to stop but, I never listened. I snuck out to do music all the time and, started failing out of school. One night, my father came in and freaked out on me, he destroyed my lyric pages and, threw everything away. The next day, I came home from school and, they had kicked me out. My older brother tried to stop them but, they wouldn’t listen...”

Your chest feels tight as you try your hardest not to let your emotions overflow; you never knew how much Yoongi has endured.

“Sejin, the guy at the front desk, he’s a friend of my older brother,” He rasps, placing another kiss to your skin as a means to soothe himself, “he took me in with nothing but my old laptop and, the clothes on my back. My parents wouldn’t let me take anything. I finished school in the city and, ended up landing a scholarship at our university, that’s where I met Hobi and, reconnected with Namjoon. Once he found out what happened to me, he insisted I move in with him while I got my degree. The rest you already know…”

You hold him tighter, kissing his forehead for the 100th time, “I’m so sorry Yoongi, I didn’t know you went through all of that. You’re so strong for pushing towards your dreams despite everything being so hard for you…”

He smiles gently and the wise look has settled back into his eyes as he looks up at you, “You see why I get a little nervous sometimes now…I’m so worried that my parents are going to be right.”

Nodding, you thumb over his cheek, “I do but, please know that you’ve already proved your parents wrong. After everything you’ve endured, you still keep pushing and, as long as you keep dreaming, you’ll never fail…”

A sudden kiss is pressed to your lips then, which Yoongi turns slow and sweet.

Just like him…

“On my worst days, I tell myself that all of this will be worth it someday…” He whispers against your lips, continuing to kiss at them

“It will be, everything will pay off...”

“It’s already started to…ever since my classroom switched…” He smiles, brushing a piece of hair from your face.

Intense emotion blooms fully in your heart when he responds and, you have to shake your head to keep yourself from crying, “Does that mean you’ll be my date tomorrow then?”

He chuckles, his eyes brightening up significantly as he leans into your lips,

“Tomorrow and, any other time you’ll have me.”

if you let me, here’s what i’ll do: i’ll take care of you

[freddiesaysalright]

Peace Like A River - Epilogue

A Gwilym Lee x Reader Story

Summary: Reader has found her peace in Gwilym. Violet shares how much it means to her on a special day.

Word Count: 1.6K

Tag List: @psychosupernatural @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @simmisblog, @assembledherethevolunteers, @lookuptotheskiesandsee, @readinghorn, @riddikuluslypotter, @doingalrightt, @misslolasworld, @lemurian-starship, @ravenedges-lies, @painkiller80, @imgonnabeyourslave, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @ixchel-9275, @sincerelygmg, @lv7867, @unicorn-princess-1999, @delilahmay39, @chlobo6, @dragon-out-of-water, @radio-hoo-ha, @agentmalfoy24601, @thigh-your-mother-down

A/N: Here is the super sappy promised epilogue! Y’all it is GUSHY but after such a wild ride, I thought they all deserved some pure love lol. Thank you all so much for the love you’ve shown this story. I had so much fun writing it and seeing how all of you reacted to the twists and turns. Please enjoy the last part of Peace Like a River :)

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV  Part V  Part VI  Part VII  Part VIII  Part IX  Part X  Part XI

Epilogue here we go!!!

You twisted one last curl around Violet’s face and pinned it carefully to the back of her head. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror. She was so beautiful, and you could see the excitement in her eyes. You leaned over her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

“Are you nervous at all?” you wondered.

She shook her head. “No. Jamie is it for me. I know it.”

You grinned. “I’m so happy for you, baby. I just can’t believe you’re getting married.”

“Mom,” she groaned with a roll of her eyes, but she was still smiling. “I know I’ll always be your baby.”

“Yes, you will,” you assured her, giving her another small squeeze.

“Mom, I need to tell you something,” she said seriously. “Before the others get here.”

“The others” you knew referred to her younger siblings - Sybil, Olivia, and Tom. Your brow furrowed. What could she not say to them?

“What is it?” you asked.

“I was in New York for that conference - about a month ago - and I...well, I met up with Henry.”

You blinked and stepped back. “How did it go?”

She looked at her hands folded neatly on her lap. “Not great. Especially not after I told him about Dad.”

After you and Gwilym were married, he adopted Violet officially. Only then did you give her her father’s last name, Lee. You could imagine Henry hadn’t taken that well.

You knelt down in front of her and took her hands.

“Did he hurt you?” you asked, heart rate quickening with worry.

“No,” she said, trying to smile but it came out as more of a grimace. “No, not physically. He just yelled at me for a bit. It was frightening, for sure, but I just walked away.”

“Do you regret going?”

“No,” she repeated. “I was always curious about him. Now I know.”

“Do you want to tell your dad?” you wondered.

“Not today,” she said. “But at some point, I will. It made me realize how grateful I am for him. I’ve always loved him, but that whole encounter just...made it abundantly clear why.”

“The best thing to do now is forget him,” you said. “You have a wonderful father who loves you very much.”

“I know,” she returned, smiling in earnest now. “I know I do.”

Just then, Gwilym appeared in the doorway with Sybil and Olivia. They both gasped when they saw Violet and immediately began gushing about how great she looked. She beamed at her little sisters and embraced them excitedly. Gwilym stood frozen, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. You chuckled and slipped an arm around his waist.

“Shocked?” you questioned.

He nodded stiffly. “I can’t believe that’s our little girl.”

“I know,” you agreed. 

“I mean, I still remember her with whipped cream on her face and saying Merry Breakfast,” he said. “That feels like it was yesterday.”

“To me too,” you said. “But she’s not a little girl anymore.”

“No, she’s not,” he said. “She’s about to make Jamie the luckiest man in the world. Second to me, anyway.”

You giggled and kissed him on the cheek. Violet finally shook off her sisters and approached you and Gwilym. As she looked at him, you saw her eyes shining with tears. He wrapped her up in his arms.

“Scared, love?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, I just love you so much.”

“Aw, I love you too, sweet girl,” he returned. “Are you ready? Jamie’s waiting for you.”

She took a deep breath and grinned. “I’m ready.”

Tom was a groomsman, so he was with Jamie. He was waiting to walk Sybil and Olivia down the aisle first. Then you and Gwilym would follow with Violet. She had insisted on you both giving her away for equality’s sake. You waited with her at the front of the aisle and you saw her squeeze Gwilym’s arm. The music changed and it was time for the bride to make her way to the groom.

The ceremony was beautiful. You cried through their vows - which Jamie and Violet had written themselves. Gwilym actually held up very well. You could see how happy he was for them. But he didn’t cry. He did put his arm around you to comfort you.

As the happy couple made their way back down the aisle as husband and wife, you leaned into Gwilym. He pressed his lips to your temple and whispered how much he loved you, exactly as he had done on your own wedding day. You closed your eyes and just let him hold you for a moment, taking you back to that time.

The reception hall was lovely. It was simple, with just a few lights scattered around to create a soft, warm glow. After pictures were over, you all settled at the head table with the bride and groom. Violet was absolutely glowing. She gave Jamie a sweet kiss and then she stood up, clinking a fork against her champagne glass. The room quieted and turned eyes on her.

“Thank you, everyone, for being here on this special day,” she began. “I feel so blessed to have so many friends and family who care for me and Jamie. We are truly grateful.”

She paused and took a deep breath.

“I wanted to say a few things before we get too far into the reception,” she said. “Some things that have been weighing on my heart in the days before my wedding.” She turned toward you and Gwilym. “Mom, Dad, as I thought about marriage, I realized I was ready because of the example you set. Watching you two instilled in me tools for navigating a partnership that have been fundamental in my relationship with Jamie, and will continue as the pillars of our marriage. Things like respect, understanding, open-mindedness, and most importantly unconditional love. I knew Jamie was the one for me because I recognized these qualities in him. Qualities I’d seen from the two people I admire most in the world.”

She took a sip of champagne.

“Gotta drink before this part because it’s about to get emotional,” she joked, and everyone chuckled.

“Mom,” she said, meeting your eyes. “To me, you’ve always been strength. You have survived so much, and you went through a literal hell for me. And yet, you never made me feel unwanted or like a burden. You have taught me to demand respect for myself and to work hard for the things I want. You’ve taught me more about loving myself than I could even conceive of. And you’ve shown me the value of taking chances. You are my biggest cheerleader, confidant, and friend. You are my inspiration. I love you so much.”

She finished with a smile. Through watery eyes, you blew her a kiss. She met Gwilym’s gaze then, and you saw tears spring to her eyes.

“Dad,” she said shakily, and she had to swallow the lump in her throat. “This is gonna be hard, but I promise I’m really happy.”

He laughed and smiled warmly at her. She cleared her throat.

“Dad,” she began again, stronger this time. “I don’t remember it, but I’ve been told the story of how I chose you my whole life. One day, I called you ‘Daddy’ and since then, you just were. I love that story, and I think it’s so incredible that I selected you out of all the men in the world to be that for me. But, um…” she trailed off, her bottom lip quivering. “But you chose me too. Lots of men would have run screaming from everything that Mom and I meant. But you stayed, when you had every reason to step back. No one would have blamed you. But you didn’t. So yes, I chose you once. But you chose me and my mother over and over and over again. And you gave us all of you every single day.”

She sniffled and paused again. A tear slid down her cheek.

“You’ve shown me what a good man looks like,” she choked out. “You’ve shown me what a good father looks like. You’ve shown me what love looks like. Thank you for choosing us.”

You looked over at Gwilym and saw tears flowing down his face. He was trying to wipe them away, but quickly decided it wasn’t worth it. He got up and reached his daughter in two strides, completely engulfing her in his embrace. You saw her shoulders shake with a sob as she beamed up at him, no longer bothering to hold back her tears either. You watched them together and felt like your heart was breaking and also dancing around inside your chest. 

Gwilym held Violet tight. He was overwhelmed with affection for her in this moment, though he never thought it possible to love her any more than he already did.

“I love you, my girl,” he whispered. “I will always choose you.”

She laughed through another sob and kissed his wet cheek. “I love you too, Dad.”

They made it through and finally, Jamie took Violet’s hand and led her out to the dance floor for their first dance. They’d actually gotten lessons to dance a foxtrot to Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend.” You looked at Gwilym, still dabbing your eyes.

“I can’t believe she did that,” he sighed. 

“I know, she got us good, huh?” you teased.

He laughed. “Look how happy she is.”

“We did okay with her,” you said, leaning on his shoulder.

“More than okay,” he replied. “She’s perfect.”

“Well done,” you told him. With a smile, you added, “Dear Friend.”

He kissed your forehead and smirked. “You as well, Dear Friend.”

Together, you watched your other children join Violet and Jamie on the floor. Your family was growing, and would continue to grow as each of them found their way in the world. You and Gwilym would always be there for them, providing a home, and showing them love. You were their peace, and they were yours.

[golbrocklovely]

only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter twenty: so filthy, dialed desire, swallowed pride but spit out fire

A/N: first off, super sorry that this is late. i took a really long nap lol in case you are wondering why i didn’t post yesterday and instead i’m posting today, i have moved my writing schedule for wednesdays and thursdays (and then the occassional one off random day when i fill out request). tuesdays just weren’t working for me. anyway, please let me know what you think of this story so far. i’d love to hear what you have to say. i’ll be posting another chapter of Twisted tomorrow and tonight i’m gonna try to fill out some request. okay, see yall later :)

description of the story

taglist:  @ajosieface , @localsleeper , @julyrubyrose , @far-to-many-bands , @absolute-randomness-forever

trigger warning: light smut, cursing, drinking, partying, talks of virginity

word count: 2036

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAY 11/14

"What's up you guys, it's Skye here. And for today's video I'm gonna do a get ready with me slash q and a. I asked you guys on twitter to ask me some questions, so I figured I would answer some while I get ready." I shrugged, staring into the camera.

"I'm going to a party tonight with some friends. It's very last minute so this might have to be a very fast get ready with me." I snorted, pulling out my makeup.

I laid everything out and looked down at all of my choices. Glancing behind me, I looked at my outfit I was planning to wear.

"So for tonight, I'm gonna be wearing this black velvet skirt, which has pockets. God bless." I giggled, "And then I'm gonna wear this grey, key-hole cut top, and black thigh boots."

I slowly started to apply my makeup, starting with some foundation. "Let's see what the first question is..."

I scrolled through my replies on twitter, screenshoting a bunch. "Well, as guessed, the number one question is am I dating Colby?"

I sighed, patting my foundation on more. "No, I'm not dating Colby. We're really good friends and we're super close. I know some of you saw that post that was going around about me, Colby, Brennen, and Casey. We literally hang out all the time together. We're all just friends, y'all."

As I moved on to my eyeshadow look, I saw another question. "’How did you and Colby meet?’"

"Casey has been friends with all the Trap House boys for a while, and me and her have been friends for a couple years now. We decided to take a trip out to LA for a bit as a graduation gift to ourselves, and she surprised me by telling me she's friends with all of them. I met Corey first, and then I was introduced to everyone else right afterwards." I admitted, trying not to ruin the eye look.

I scrolled a little bit further down, coming across he who must not be named. I rolled my eyes. "Someone asked 'do you still hate Travis Marcus?'"

I paused, swiping away the fallout from the eyeshadow. "I never hated him. I still don't hate him. I do think he fucked up by making fun of me, and he hasn't apologized to me since he lied about the whole situation. I don't really want an apology. I'm done talking about it, to be honest. I wish him the best, but I'm done with him."

I cleared my throat, applying my blush and highlight quickly. I then looked at my makeup in the mirror next to my camera. "I think... I'm about done with this look. I don't really wear too much makeup to begin with. I'm gonna answer one more question and then I gotta go."

I grabbed my phone, searching through my replies again. A message popped up from Colby with a bing.

Colby: can't wait to see you tonight

I smiled, glancing up at the camera quickly. I finally stopped on another question. "Oh! This is a fun one: 'Will you go on a XPLR trip with Sam and Colby?' Um, no plans yet. However, I'm so down. I love exploring and going to spooky places, so I'm ready whenever they are."

"I think that wraps up everything for this video. Thank you to everyone that asked me questions. Thank you for all the new people that are following me. I appreciate you so much and you mean a lot to me. Hope you all have a good day, and I'll see you next time. Bye!" I waved at the camera for a moment, then reached over and turned it off.

"Are you ready, Skye?!" Casey yelled through my door.

I rolled my eyes, smirking. "Almost! Just gotta change!"

/  /  /  /

"Who's party is this anyways?" I yelled at Casey as we walked past the speakers.

"Uh... no clue. I think it's just some random influencer that invited everyone they could." She replied, linking arms with me as we walked to the backyard of the house.

House... more like mansion...

We shuffled through crowds of people, finally making it to the back. We spotted Colby and Brennen sitting on a lounge chair together next to the pool. They both waved at us as we strutted over.

"Hi baby. Oh... Casey you're here too." Brennen smirked, as he gave me a quick hug.

Casey's face twisted up as she slapped his arm hard. "That's not funny."

Brennen winced, covering his arm. "It was a joke, woman! You know you're my only baby."

He embraced her, placing his mouth against her ear and whispering something to her. Her face relaxed back into a light smile.

Colby pulled me into his lap. Turning my face to his, I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Hi Colby."

Colby smiled softly as his arms slid around me, pulling me closer to him. "Hey. I was wondering when you would get here."

"Sorry it took a while. Uber got lost on the way." I whispered.

Colby nodded his head and kissed up my neck. He then buried his face into me, nipping at my skin.

"Colby, stop." I giggled, pulling away from him.

He laughed. "What? Am I not allowed to kiss you?"

I looked into his eyes, noticing how they slowly looked me over. He bit his lip while he stared.

"How drunk are you?" I smirked.

He gasped dramatically. "I've only had one drink. Why? Do I look drunk?"

"Maybe a bit. I only assumed because you're being a little... grabby with me." I responded.

"You just look so sexy, I can't help it." He shrugged smugly.

"'Sexy', huh?" I questioned jokingly.

He brought his mouth to my ear, so only I could hear him. "Good enough to taste."

A shiver ran down my spine. My nails dug into his shoulder for a second. "Colby..."

"What?" He smiled innocently. His eyes bore into mine and I couldn't look away.

"Um... I need a drink. I'm gonna go get one." I stammered, sliding off his lap.

"Okay, babe. Come back soon." He stated.

I nodded my head and slowly walked away. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm down my heart.

That boy is gonna be the death of me.

I strolled into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka, pouring a shot and taking it quickly. I needed to take the edge off but didn't really feel like drinking. Cleaning out the solo cup, I filled it with water and gulped it down. My skin felt hot under my clothes, a heat waving down my body. Once I felt sort of calm, I sighed.

Two hands grasped my waist from behind, spinning me around. Lips landed on mine instantly, taking my breath away. I could feel the ring-cladded hands slide down and grip my hips. I smiled into the kiss and pulled Colby's body closer. My hands tightened their hold on his forearms. He bit my lip as he stepped back.

"Sorry... I needed to do that." He mumbled, his voice breathy.

I felt my heart beat speed up. A growing want settled in my mind and body. I needed him. Right now.

Should I do this?

"Fuck it." I grunted.

I clutched Colby's wrist and dragged him to the nearest bathroom. I yanked the door opened, pulling him inside and slamming the door shut.

Colby laughed. "What are you-"

I cut off Colby with my lips, wrapping my arms around him and gripping his hair. He moaned against my mouth and pressed me up against the counter. His hands slid down my thighs as he hoisted me up onto the counter. I immediately wrapped my legs around him, pushing my body into his. His tongue slipped into my mouth, his fingers dancing along my sides. A moan escaped my mouth as he bit my lip teasingly. A hand slithered up my back and into my hair, tugging. My head fell back, and he began to attack my neck with his tongue and teeth, leaving wet marks up and down my throat.

"Fuck, Colby." I gasped.

He smirked against my skin. My hands wandered up the front of his shirt, caressing his torso. His lips left my neck for a moment as he ripped his shirt off, pushing himself back into me. Our lips attached again, my legs wrapped around his hips. My fingertips dug into his shoulders and waist as we started to grind against each other. His hands pushed up my skirt, making sure I was as close as possible.

My breath hitched in my throat as he slid a finger up my thigh and started rubbing my clit.

"You're so wet." He hissed.

I nodded. "All for you."

He bit his lip, his finger slipping away. He groaned as he stopped his movements slowly.

"What are you doing?" I whined, breathing heavy

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I know... I instigated this. But... we can't do this."

"Why?" I asked, my legs falling off his hips.

"I don't want our first time to be in a bathroom at a random party. As much as we both want it right now, I'd rather not do it here." Colby admitted, keeping his head down.

Our first time... my first time...

"Right." I cleared my throat. "...Okay."

"You're not mad?" He questioned, glancing up at me.

I smirked. "Frustrated... sexually. But not mad."

He chuckled. "Good. I would hate for you to be mad at me."

I leaned forward, kissing him sweetly. "How could I ever?"

/  /  /  /

After our almost first time in the bathroom, we calmed down and went back to the party. We spent the rest of the time chilling with Casey and Brennen. We all called it a night early, deciding the party wasn't as interesting as it had seemed to be.

Casey and I got home, changed, and ordered pizza. We sat in the kitchen, eating immediately.

"That party was such a bust." I remarked, biting into my slice.

She agreed. "I'm surprised it was that boring. Most LA parties I've been to are so much fun."

I paused for a moment, needing to open up. "Me and Colby almost had sex tonight."

Casey choked on her pizza slightly. "What? Where is this coming from? Subtlety just isn't your strong suit, huh?"

"What? I need to talk about it!" I exclaimed, giggling.

"Well, why didn't you have sex?" She inquired.

"He stopped us before we could."

"Again?"

"...Yeah. He said he didn't want our first time to be in a bathroom at a party. Which I understand." I replied.

Casey raised an eyebrow at me, putting her pizza down. "Our first... you haven't told him you're a virgin?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because.... I just can't." I sighed, continuing. "What if he finds out and backs out of it? Or thinks I'm weird for being one at twenty-three?"

"Out of all the boys in the universe to be that douchey, Colby would not even fall in the same category. You know he's not gonna judge you." Casey stated.

"I don't think he is like that, but in a worse case scenario, he could be. I can't take that chance. I care about him too much for this minor detail to fuck up everything." I grumbled.

"Why would you want to be with someone that would do that to you though?" Casey responded.

"I know Colby isn't gonna be like that, regardless of if I tell him or not. But I can't. I'm embarrassed enough about it as it is. Besides, it's not that big of a deal." I insisted.

"He might want to know." She mumbled.

"Well, if he asks... I'll tell him. But otherwise, he won't know." I said.

"Are you ever gonna tell him?" She questioned, leaning on the counter.

I shrugged. "Maybe one day."

"You do realize we're gonna be leaving soon? If you plan to have sex with him, you might want to do it ASAP." She chuckled, walking out of the kitchen.

Fuck... she's right.

<< CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 21 >>

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #266

“... and buried deep beneath the waves, betrayed by family, to his nation with his last breath cried: beware the daughter of the sea.”

What's the last thing you looked up in the dictionary? Shit, it's right on the tip of my tongue... I was making sure I was using it right, which I was. Do you ever listen to instrumental music? Rarely, and if I do, it's normally game soundtracks. Who did you last sit on? I'm hoping you mean like... on their lap lmao in which case it'd probably be Jason. No one wants my fat ass to sit on their lap nowadays. What do you think about wind? I HATE wind, unless it's hot and there's a nice breeze. Has there been anyone that you wanted to get to know but never did? Well of course. That happened in high school a lot. What's the last thing you looked at that reminded you of someone? Teddy's picture on my shelf. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Not that I know of. I couldn't even begin to imagine either of those trying that. Do you have a gag reflex? A VERY STRONG ONE. Would you rather have sex before you're married or wait till marriage? I don't care. Tbh by now, I kinda think before is wiser only to ensure you two are compatible in that area. It wouldn't matter to me personally, but I know that's important to some people and can cause issues and built-up bitterness. Just use protection, Christ. Have you ever let someone hit you? Um no? Do you have friends in other states/countries? Plenty. Been on the Internet since before I was even a pre-teen, talking to strangers lmao. Do you ever pay attention during church? I would try to back then, but I never succeeded well because my mind would wander out of boredom. Do you have self-control? That very much depends on the situation. I can be EXTREMELY impulsive, but in other cases hold it together. Have you ever broken a window? No. When was the last time you freaked someone out? I'm sure it was a few nights ago when I had another nightmare and woke up screaming. Mom always yells my name to snap me out of it. Have you ever gone on a date with a weirdo? No. Who's the last person you called a bitch? I don’t know. Is anyone in your family disabled? Yes. What do you want for Christmas? It's hella early to think about it, but I'm quite certain I'll be asking for a treadmill. How many moles do you have? I don't think I have any? Aren't freckles and moles different? Do you own any comic books? No. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I don't know. I never did really nasty ones because I wasn't stupid. Do you know anyone who has been raped? Almost, anyway. Idk if I know anyone to really has been... I hope not. Are you an atheist? No. I think there's... something. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Well yeah, from like, carnival games and stuff. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? I dunno, probably a family member when I changed my FB profile picture. How many times have you been stung by a bee? Once. Those fuckin hornets better stay the holy fuck away from me. What was the last flavor of gum you chewed? Probably something fruity. When was the last time you used tape? Ummm probably when I had to tape the side of my laptop screen a bit. When was the last time you said fuck? A couple questions ago in this survey lmao. Have you ever stolen something? Only this pink crayon I thought was beautiful at Sunday school oof. Who would you like to kiss right now? Maaaan there's three people I would so long I wasn't involved with anyone else. Mark of course lol, Jason, or Sara. Who was the last person you told to 'Shut the fuck up' to? Ha ha, probably playfully to Sara. Why were you last nervous? So I joined this group on deviantART called the Guiding Light Project, which is about mental health help and positivity, and there is a list of people seeking help and what their problem is. I decided to reach out to two people I really thought I could help, and one was a guy. Men make me so nervous that I was very nervous sending him a message, but it's going very well. Whose pants did you last take off? Uhhhh. OH YEAH HEY when I was hanging out with Colleen and she got me to change her son's diaper. Hate hate hate hated it. I do not ever need kids. When was the last time you were disturbed? Hm. I'm sure over something I saw on Facebook. NO, WAIT. Sara, do not read this. When I was at Ashley's, we were watching Naked and Afraid, and they caught a chameleon to cook for food. I almost screamed. Poor thing looked terrified when the guy grabbed him. Why did you last feel awkward? Also when messaging that guy. When was the last time you got in a fight with your best friend? It's been a long time. Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Only a friend. Who was the last person you read a book to? My niece had me read a book like fifty times. Who is the person you say the naughtiest things to? Ha ha, Sara when we're having our stupid fangirl moments. Who was the last person to send you a letter? Sara. It's still on my shelf. :') How do you feel about war? I’m a pacifist, so guess. Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? Hm, maybe cupcakes. Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you have any tough life decisions to make soon? Nothing major. At what time of the day do you usually have the most energy? In the morning, once I've passed the drowsy phase. Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral. Do you like the color orchid? Ye! Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? Uhhh I literally want to be both? I'm *realistically* more interested in shooting weddings for the income, but if I had my way, I'd be perfectly financially content being a nature photographer. Man, I hope that happens. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Are you interested in health and wellness? "Rather than interests, I consider them two very important things I should always try to pay attention to. Health is very important." <<<< This. Would you ever be a fitness coach? HA no. Do you ever question whether something that makes you uncomfortable is a good thing or not? That's a very good question. This can definitely lead to you questioning flawed morals, so in that sense, it sure can be. In other ways though, it can certainly be a bad thing. Do you think for yourself? Yes. I am, generally, very opinionated and follow my gut instinct. Do you live life on your own terms, or do you do what everyone tells you to do? The former, usually. I can be AWFUL at making decisions though, so I definitely consider advice. What color is your bike? I don't have a bike. Are you due for a hike? There is physically no way I could handle a hike in my current shape. Muscle atrophy in the legs is not fuckin' fun, and with hyperhidrosis and THIS heat? Oh, hunny. Have you ever created a themed scrapbook? As a kid, I fainty remember having one? How often do you eat dessert? Very rarely. I don't need it. What's the trendiest item you own? Oh boy, I don't have a clue. I don't even know what's "trendy." Did you pull an all-nighter last night? No. When was the last time you wrote an essay? My first semester of this year. Do you enjoy writing essays? I actually do if it's a subject I'm passionate about. Do you enjoy learning? Yeah! What is your favorite fairytale? Fuckin fight me if you say Shrek isn't one. What is your favorite name that starts with a "Z"? I have no idea. Maybe Zena, though I prefer it with an "x." Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school? Yes. I have before. Do you own a princess crown? No. When was the last time you were jealous of someone? Ugh... with how bad my PTSD has been lately, I've been having periodic episodes of raging hate and jealousy of the girl he dated after me, thinking things like, "what if he loved her more," "what if he also told her this or that," etc. They're not even together anymore, but my brain doesn't care. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? Maybe? What was the last thing you killed? I think an earwig-ish thing. Whose number did you last get? The girl's who adopted Bentley. When was the last time you used a public bathroom? Probably not since an appointment with my psychiatrist some time ago. Have you ever used someone for money? Wow, no. Do you have manners? I honestly think I have great manners. Have you ever woken up and realized that yesterday really happened? That was ABSOLUTELY the day after the breakup. It didn't at all feel real when it was even happening. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? Last November is when we had to put Teddy to sleep. God, I miss that baby boy. Or did Mitsu die later? I don't recall for sure. Do you know anyone who retired at a young age? I mean, probably. I'm just unaware. When was the last time you took a taxi/Uber? Where were you going? Never, actually. We don't really have those here. Have you ever been diagnosed (by a professional) with OCD? Yes. Do you know any married gay couples? Distantly. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? SARA! I feel like kids having a sleepover when I've been with her. Is there anything you should tell someone, but don’t want to? Yes. Have you ever woken up somewhere and not known how you got there? I don't believe so. Do you live somewhere where recreational marijuana is legal? No. Have you ever quit a job with no notice? No. Do you have nightmares often? HA, it's just about a nightly basis now. Have you ever been on any sort of government assistance? I've gotten loans for school and stuff. Does that count? Did you have your own bedroom when you were growing up? No, I shared it with my little sister. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic. Are you comfortable with your weight? Fuck no. How often do you listen to classic rock? Semi-frequently. Not as much as I did in high school. What about country? Just about never ever. Do you know anyone inside and out? I don't think that's possible. Is anyone in your family sick? Both Mom and Grammy are fighting cancer right now. I don't think my grandma has much time left. She can't walk on her own anymore. What kind of camera do you have? A Canon EOS Rebel T6. What is something you know you shouldn’t do, but do anyways? Download music. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Idk. Is photography one of your interests? Of course, I aim to make a career out of it. Do you know your neighbors very well? I personally don't. The person to the right of us, though, my mom knows decently and is a total and complete sweetheart. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? "Kind of (I hurt myself for my own purposes, but I did want attention paid to it), when I was a teenager, because I desperately needed someone to treat me with compassion and, like, take the shit that was happening to me seriously." <<<< I don't like admitting this, but it's happened. I want to emphasize that it was not the primary reason and was rather impulsive anger and self-hate, BUT for the mentioned reasons, I did want this shit taken seriously and realize I really needed help. Has anyone ever called you conceited? No. Do you write ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Certainly. Not like I used to, though. Who were you last really mad at? REALLY mad? I'm not sure, but probably Mom. What is a sad song that you like? "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has been in my head lately. What is a rumor people tell about you? I don't know of any. The only rumor that I know has ever been spread about me was that Jason and I had a baby in high school. Despite the fact I was slim then lmao. If you were given 1,000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would you do with it? Definitely plant a forest around a house I'd like to model myself, dig a nice pond for more wildlife... a lot of stuff that would benefit nature. If you had to flee their home country, where would you live? Canada. Do you think psychic abilities exist? Which one would you like to have? No. I'd like to uhhhh... predict the future when I will it myself, I guess. What’s a skill or craft that you would like to master, but haven’t? I wish I could draw exactly what I see in my head. How did you find out Santa isn’t real? My mom just told me. What’s a personality trait that you wish you had? CONFIDENCE!!!!!!! Do you believe in getting revenge on those who do wrong by you? If so, how do you go about it? Noooo no no. That creates so many more problems. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family think you’d had done? That's a great question. If you could shop for free at one store, what would it be? For the sake of being smart, Wal-Mart. Necessities are there. Do you have any pets? If so, what are they? I have a Siamese-esque cat and a champagne ball python. I'm currently DESPERATELY trying to talk Mom into a Mexican red knee tarantula... and I really want a hognose snake. What event in your life would make a good movie? The breakup and my recovery. If you could dedicate your life to solving one problem, what would it be? Discrimination. Where do you find meaning in your life? Quite honestly, I don't feel it has much meaning currently. I'm not doing shit worthwhile. Do you believe things happen for a reason? Hell no. What do you think is a conspiracy? Honestly, I believe in quite a few. The one I believe in most was that the government was 120% involved in 911. Research. It is unbelievable. I'm very dubious that the "first" moon landing was real, either. There is an overwhelming amount of evidence it was on a soundstage. Why? America wanted to beat Russia in the space race. I love conspiracies. Do you believe in the afterlife? How do you picture it? Yes. I don't quite know how I picture it, but I lean towards like... this nirvanic state of peace and knowledge, and unity between the dead. What’s a superstition you believe in? I don’t believe in any superstitions. None. What is the dumbest way you’ve ever been injured? YOOOOOO when I was at Colleen's in-law's having dinner once, I literally took a large bite of rice RIGHT WHEN IT CAME OFF THE STOVE. I didn't know it'd only just been removed. My tongue was burned for weeks on end. Do you mind conflict? Hell yes I mind. I'm terrified of confrontation. If you could start a charity what would it be for? Something with mental health. Maybe to help those who can't afford help/therapy. If you were a cryptid (bigfoot, mothman, ect.) what would you be? I'm already a cryptid. What’s your ideal temperature and weather? Hm... like 55 and partly cloudy. What topic could you give a 20-minute presentation on with no preparation? Gay rights. Have you ever worn those drunk goggles? Yes, for D.A.R.E. in elementary school. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the subject of course, but I'm normally very good at agreeing to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal fucking cruelty. Dumbasses getting gored are well-deserved. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Lita Ford is a badass. Slays on the guitar and is just cool. What color of roses do you find the prettiest? I actually like the classic, deep red. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? I don't think so. Why do so many fans with OTP’s insist that their ship is real? I don't really know, but it's annoying. Some people are just friends, y'know. Being similar/compatible does not equate to actually liking each other like that, and the feral ones are just... wow. Do you draw fanart of anything? Not anymore. There's soooo many pictures I'd love to draw of Mark, but I literally love him so much I don't want to disgrace his face with my poor ability to make shit proportional lmao. Favorite thing to see in museums? Fossils! Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No. What things have people shamed you for? My AvPD doesn't want me to think about this. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? Probably at some point. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Do you watch The Masked Singer? Any theories? No.

[wiener-blut]

i was tagged by my bb @babypaulchen ages ago and now the time has come to finally do this shit!! i told u i was gonna do it Brig!!

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont tag anyone bc im doubting i even know 20 ppl on here lmao)

— what was your last…

1. drink: peach flavoured ice tea 2. phone call: my mom bc i asked her if shes interested in some hyacinth bulbs for her garden since the ones that stood in my room decayed 3. text message: to my cousin, setting a time where we can call and chat 4. song you listened to: actual surprise - its not Rammstein *ooohs and aaahs fly through the crowd* it was “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton 5. time you cried: yesterday bc i had the worst fucking headache ever and i was being a whiny bitch

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uhh no? 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, multiple times and ive come to the conclusion that throwing up makes me feel better afterwards like im back to being able to actually perveice my environment again lmao

— fave colours

12. black 13. pastel pink 14. actually i kinda love all colours idk

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes, multiple times, good 18. found out someone was talking about you: like uh shittalking? idk so i guess not 19. met someone who changed you: uhhh kinda? 20. found out who your friends are: um well i found out that my friends are good friends and that i love them and that i dont want to miss any of them 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: what? u can “kiss” someone on facebook? lmao i didnt take a look on facebook for literally years .......man i had a massive brainlag here. i thought u can now “kiss” ppl on facebook like u can “poke” ppl on facebook and it didnt come to my mind this could mean “irl” lmao bury me IF it means irl tho, then yes

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: pff idk man who the fuck still uses that shithole of a site anyways

23. do you have any pets: no but i had a super cute and fluffy bunny and i still miss him and think about him everyday also i plan on having half a farm and half a zoo in the future

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore; i used to hate my name bc its so outdated and the only answer i ever got on introducing myself was “hey my grandma has the same name isnt that funny” but then more and more people told me my name was pretty and unique and well now that im older (sounds like im 40 lmao) im even kinda fond of it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm uhh i guess i was studying for my exams lol but i remember my gf cooking an amazing dinner for me 💖

26. what time did you wake up today: uhhhhhh smth around 9am i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: actually sleeping for once bc that headache knocked me out completely

28. what is something you can’t wait for: fucking going to fucking Hamburg in fucking five fucking days

30. what are you listening to right now: the birds chirping outside

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i had a classmate named Tom........he was a bit strange tho.......

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: i cant think of anything rn

33. most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube

34. hair colour: natural? blonde / current? dyed it pink two weeks ago

35. long or short hair: long ass hair and i mean, literally, they reach all the way down to my hips

36. do you have a crush on someone: ohhhahahaha so, so many, one - and maybe the king of em all - being Christoph Schneider (not obvious at all cough cough)

37. what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhh.........;;;;; i guess... uh... *insert more unintelligent noises* maybe my legs?

38. want any piercings: no, except for maybe some on my ear

39. blood type: 0 positive, i think

40. nicknames: Lily

41. relationship status: super duper gay af with @haifisch-ohne-traenen

42. sign: officially capricorn (i like to say “the last capricorn” bc it sounds like “the last unicorn” and well my birthday is on the last day that still counts as capricorn), but honestly im more of an aquarius

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: i recently watched Grimm and the story was okay but the cast was like super adorable and i fell in love with every single one of them

45. tattoos: none. YET. i have plans for so much i just am very bad at deciding

46. right or left handed: right handed 47: ever had surgery: okay, small story time. there are these childrens books by german illustrator and author “Janosch” in which a tiger and a bear are best friends and i used to love those books. so once, tiger got ill (his stripes slipped out of place) and he needed to see the doctor. and the exact line was “soothing small shot, blue dream, surgery over, noticed nothing, tiger healthy”. and i once was in the hospital bc there was something wrong my nose (i dont remember what it was tho) and so they anaesthetized me (and my fav stuffie which i brough with me for mental support) and afterwards i told everyone of my “blue dream” and everyone was like ????? wtf kid bc they didnt know what i was talking about and it was just some months ago when i finally found out that a narcosis isnt called a “blue dream” and that i just knew this bc of this books which i adored and tbh i was like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE “BLUE DREAM” IS AN ADORABLE TERM FOR IT 48. piercings: none 49. sport: i did ballet for 15 years and i still love to dance around the house and the mother of my best friend once called me cute bc i cant stand still and always spin around or stretch my toes while lifting my leg or do some pliés and tbh i wasnt even aware of that

50. vacation: uh...i love? lmao

51. trainers: umm like my shoes? mostly wearing my black doc martens

— more general

52. eating: i love me some good salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and tuna but ngl a pizza margherita could beat that salad any time. or a nice ragout fin. or mac’n’cheese. i love food in general, okay

53. drinking: i’d kill for a tequila rn. but like non-alcoholic beverage - plain water, yes thank u

54. i’m about to watch: some movie with my gf which we havent decided on yet

55. waiting for: my gf to return home from work so i can smooch her pretty face

56. want: to cuddle honestly

57. get married: since its legal in germany for some months now... idk tbh, its not smth i debate about on a daily basis

58. career: um i have a vague plan for becoming a speech pathologist but yea... its very vague

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: gotta say eyes

61. shorter or taller: i dont care actually

62. older or younger: um sweats loudly...... older (fun fact i recently calculated the average age of my celebrity crushes....yes i was bored.... and it resulted in 50.... well.....)

63. nice arms or stomach: arms, fucc me up

64. hookup or relationships: relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant: me? kinda both

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: yes 68. turned someone down: not really?

69. sex on first date: nope

70: broken someone’s heart: probably

71. had your heart broken: uh yea...kinda

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes, im a whiny bitch so i cry easily

74. fallen for a friend: yeah binch im dating that lovely ho right now... im gonna leave Brig’s answer here bc its perf and same here

— do you believe in

75. yourself: ugh

76. miracles: i want to

77. love at first sight: no

78. santa claus: i want to lol but no

79. angels: fuck yes

— misc

80. eye colour: blue-gray-green-ish mud 81. best friend’s name: Dana

82. favourite movie: so? much? i cant decide, really

83. favourite actor: Tom Hiddleston, i love this british dork, lemme tell u

84. favourite cartoon: phuh, idk i dont really watch cartoons

85. favourite teacher’s name: SWEATS LOUDLY AND AGGRESIVELY i had two massive teacher crushes back in my school days and that makes me a bit biased but im gonna say Herr Wolf was a great teacher bc he always said “hey, astronomy’s a minor subject, the test won’t be hard and i wont give u homework, u guys concentrate on math, german and english” and tbh we need more teachers like that

[mostlyvoidpartiallysmog]

Just finished the second Night Vale novel It Devours! that I got my hands on when I got a hold of my pre-order yesterday. (So sue me. College strike up here gave me some free time)

So some thoughts?

BIIIIG SPOILERS obviously.

Firstly I’d just like to say that I LOVE the ending. Specifically I love the way the relationship between Nilanjana and Darryl ends. GOD that was so refreshing! Honestly their relationship felt rushed and empty anyway and it was SO fucking nice to see a realistic potential end to a new adult relationship.

In regards to the early parts of the relationship? The writing seemed to have a preoccupation with kisses and lips that squicked me more then anything, but I’ve never been a big kissing person in general so maybe it’s just that.

The sex mentioned, especially with how explicitly they did so, kind of felt... I’m just going to say it, a little annoying? *sigh* Now I get that there aren’t too many places where even this minor level of detail and frankness about sex could come up, but seeing what felt like the first slightly more explicit handling of it then like, Carlos jokingly getting turned on by science or some such as the podcast has done (Not counting the semi-obscure and one time live show they recently did of course. Night Vale after dark I THINK it might have been called? With Cecil and Dylan reading some nsfw content?) what felt like the first more explicit handling went to... well a hetero sex scene and, eh, call me a bitter queer but like, ANY thing else would have felt more interesting. Idk, I was just rather meh about the whole thing.

Oh and well I’m at it, “Sex in Night Vale take’s a little longer, but when it starts it happens much like anywhere else.” also felt kind off to me. Just picky queer sex positive feminist things I guess. It ain’t a big thing, but if anyone else had written it I’d be rolling my eyes going “yo there’s more then one way to fuck my hetero dude friend. It’s not all about cis ass, able bodied penis in vaginal sex.) but again, that’s just me being picky as SHIT because I, to be frank, expect a heckuva lot from Night Vale what with them consistently delivering for 3 year (Specifically how long I’ve been listening I mean. Don’t recall how many year’s they’ve been around in general.)

Also like, the lead up TO the sex was weird? We had a window into both their heads but at no point were we lead to believe they were physically particularly attracted to each other before the sex? It jumped from “maybe he’s kind of cute” to fucking? Like give us a few bits of her (preferably her because fuck yes not shying away from female sexuality) eyes getting caught on his body or some overt desire or something. Direct us to something that says “physical” attraction. (and let’s REALLY not have it be a possessive stereotype about her getting jealous over some female friend of his and taking it out by getting touchy feely with a guy she barely knows for that matter) It just felt really flat. Really lacking it what should have been easy build up. Minor build up, because sex can absolutely and should absolutely be shown sometimes as something human, and pleasant, and potentially just chill and fun to do, but like, we have an internal view of their heads, as such we should have seen SOME small nudge of physical attraction before hand. Some tug. Don’t give the audience nothing and then expect them to buy a relationship that, as it turns out in the end, was largely just based on good/fun sex.

Um, also; IF anyone else had written that whole “let’s cosign forms and get blood work done, lol look how long this is taking” pre-sex bit, then I honestly would have taken it as a “consent is a mood breaker and millennials are prudish idiots ruining sex with their safe sex and their checks for consent.” Idk. That joke felt a little off the mark. Just me being picky again.

Another thing? Nilanjana is fat! Yaaay! That was unexpectedly cool! (Would have preferred if they had said “fat” versus “overweight”. Fat’s not a dirty word, being fat isn’t a reflection on your morals and all that, but hey, not everyone is up with the latest fat acceptance stuff I guess. But like, “over” weight. Over whose weight? Over what supposed perfect weight? Is that supposed to be your short hand for “doesn’t exercise” ‘cause those sure as hell aren’t inherently connected. Correlation doesn’t equal causation. Pbthhh. >.>)

Speaking of being picky, or maybe this was just a very clever sign that Darryl and Nilanjana’s relationship wouldn’t work out in the long term, did Nilanjana REALLY have to get so jealous and competitive with Stephanie? Did she have to instantly dislike and distrust her because of “the way Darryl looked at her”? Because to recap that made all the women in the book in relation to Nilanjana, judgemental, shallow, and foolish (Lusia), cold, untrustworthy, and naive (Stephanie. “Naive” because of her religion in Nilanjana’s books and soooort of by the narrative as well), literally just a world threatening zealous cultist (Munn), or a goofy, initially untrustworthy sidekick (Jamillah).

I mean even Josh Crayton got better billing in this round then either his mum or Jackie who got tiny cameo’s each. =/ I would have liked to see more of those two.

While we’re on the subject of female characters. NIGHT VALE PLEASE. PLEASE give us some more background or remotely confirmed wlw!!! Jeeze. Seriously! We got another random background guy, or at least person getting refereed to with he/him pronouns who got a boyfriend, (The helicopter fellow) and though we already knew Josh was bi/pan otherwise not straight, he got a briefly mentioned boyfriend in this one! And of course the show focus is always Cecil and Carlos which racks the points waaay up for amazing, awesome mlm representation. We DID get a tiny cameo from Basimah Bashara which was neat, and a small moment with Michael Nguyen, but that’s the thing with those two and wlw in Night Vale in general isn’t it? While one can... hope? Somewhat with evidence? That Maureen and Michael might be a couple now, might be positive wlw representation, that was never actually made super clear. (Looking back on it it WAS made super clear with Basimah, so good on them with that!)

There’s also Jackie and Sheriff Sam. I HAVE to say, I was absolutely PREYING Jackie and Dana got together when Jackie mentioned she was dating someone from “high up in the government” so the let down I felt from finding out it was Sam instead came mostly from that. =p (Give Dana a girlfrieeend. Sure there’s always Alice Isn’t Dead but that ain’t the same. =p) Sam uses they/them pronouns and we can probably safely assume from that that they’re meant to be NB, genderqueer, genderfuild, or otherwise just not a cis character, so that’s wonderful, and Jackie dating them pretty much pings her as some variety of queer (or at least queer friendly, but then the majority of Night Vale is.) as well, so that’s also neat! I dooon’t think we had that from her before? Maybe there was something in the first book I’m forgetting. (I am personally mad happy that Jackie is queer or at least chill with nb folk, as she reminds me of myself in way too many ways. Awkward high-fives and “dude’s” and all.) That being said, how old is Sheriff Sam? I always pictured them at like 40 something from the voice. >.> Lol apparently not.

So on a more world building, less representation based note; Kevin.

Kevin is a prophet in the churches lore apparently. That’s neat? I guess? Here’s the thing, when WAS the Joyous Congregation founded? And my main concern; when did Kevin go through the Old Oak Door that showed him the smiling god for the first time??? The Congregation, or at least the general concept of the religion of the smiling god seems fully formed back during the Strex arc, and more then that Kevin hasn’t (as far as we know. Also please Finknor give us more Kevin. Triptych Broke. My. Heart. and I’m begging you.) been back to Night Vale or otherwise out of the desert other world since the time Steve pushed him in at the end of the Strex arc.

I don’t WANT to think that Kevin founded the whole religion. It’s always seemed very much like a thing that existed before him and more importantly not a thing he did before Strex!him if you will, but who knows I guess. =/

That’s the thing. I always thought of the smiling god AS ENTIRELY a Strex concept, and I’m going to wager a guess that at least at the start Finknor did too. It’s so tied into Strex. Inseparable from Strex’s meaning and purpose. Smile. Work. Be empty. Pretend to be happy. Smiling IS Strex, it’s a Strex thing, so it kind of made me feel... like it felt a bit rewrite-y to not even mention Strex at all during this book?

I mean was the smiling god NOT behind Strex? Was the congregation not at least back a couple years ago indistinguishable from Strex? Idk. These are all questions I have.

Talking about things that feel rewrite-y, I’m not sure I did the idea of Carlos actually being in the desert other world for TEN YEARS. Here’s the thing. We were, at the very least, as the audience lead to believe that Cecil and Carlos were thinking of LIVING there. Of moving there. a MASSIVE freaking part of the Carlos in the desert other world arc had us second guessing Carlos and Cecil’s whole relationship ffs! That WAS the subtext of the arc! The purpose! That Carlos seemed more interested in science and research of the desert other world then getting back to freaking Cecil! And now you’re going to claim that not only was he there ten years, which we had NO foreshadowing of during the arc at ALL as far as I can see, but he only ever wanted desperately to get home? Again the twist at the end of the desert other world arc is Cecil unexpectedly NOT MOVING THERE. WHAT? Nah man. That was some silly re-write stuff right there. Contradicting what world building we have on the desert other world until now.

Another thing highly related to that? Where the fuck was the nomadic giant army?? Or hell, even just Kevin and that dumb roller coaster they built? (I GUESS you could say that they all... died... ? And the roller coaster... vanished completely? But nah. Not really because aging doesn’t work there now does it?) Doug and Elisha thanks? Yet more stuff that made Carlos seem at home (and for that matter time passing relatively similarly from the sort of relationships he formed and reported on) in the desert other world. Ugh. I really don’t like that whole ten years thing. It seemed excessive too. Like two or even three years would have been more believable from what we saw of Carlos during that time, and even with only the single year I could already understand Carlos being traumatized from the event. Idk.

Speaking of world building for the desert other world? Assuming we keep with previous would building regarding it we are NOT done with it yet. Or rather, we probably shouldn’t be. There’s WAY too much going on there. Kevin’s still in there, he named it DESERT BLUFFS ffs. (I’m still waiting for the day we get the plot twist that the other world IS the desert bluffs we know from the past or something very similar to that. I also noticed a hella conspicuous absence of talk about desert bluffs OR the desert other world during the Huntokar revelations of the last finished arc. That place is MAD secret to the point that it’s not even on the radar of Huntokar, and probably The Glow Cloud, Distant Prince, Woman from Italy and other elder god type things.)

Then there’s Dana’s drawings up on the mountain. The spiraling murals of triangles I believe it was? We are NOT done with that place. I know at the end Darryl is like “well maybe the smiling god wasn’t that stupid centipede” and we’re supposed to at least sort of think like Nilanjana and be like “Yea huh. Sure. You just want to think that to protect your beliefs.” but honestly yeah, I don’t remotely think the centipede was really... the smiling god? Unless like I said, Kevin started the religion all together which I very much hope he didn’t? So yea, probably not the smiling god, DEFINITELY not the biggest threat in the desert other world. Up until now the “light” trying to get into Night Vale has been really obtuse and obscure. Really vague and therefore menacing and cool. I don’t think Finknor are bad enough writers to just toss all that away on a giant centipede. I’m a cynical person. Usually I’d add “At least I hope not” to that sentence, but damn it all if I don’t KNOW that Finknor are better writers then that.

Also there was the whole “hey wait the “ritual” to summon the god probably wasn’t just a coincidence” idea dropped in there to explore. So yeah. Lot’s to look at still.

Speaking of the ritual? Did you guys caaaaatch iiiiiit??? The jumping. How frantic jumping was a big part of the ritual? Maybe I’m just reaching but it sounded SO much like Kevin’s narration jumping bit from way back in The Sandstorm that Cecil mirrors with his own narration bit in his episode.

I’m SOOOO glad we got a glimpse into additional meaning for that kid jumping trying to recapture the feeling of flight scene for Kevin. It would be cool if more meaning was discovered for it in the future.

I’ve always read Cecil’s retrospective kid scene in those episodes as maybe relating too whatever happens in Cassette Tapes, or maaaybe some weird shit with Kevin himself in a metaphorical or otherwise obscured reference to why the heck the whole doubles thing happens anyway. (Also again, doubles, Desert bluff weirdness. Another thing I attributed to possibly the smiling god that could definitely not be if it were just a centipede, but honestly whether it’s a centipede or not I think it would be much more interesting if the smiling god was only a corrupting force for Desert bluffs and not the “weird Night Vale thing” that causes them to exist in the first place. And like I said? What’s cool is that it seems to not be Huntokar’s fault either that Desert Bluffs exists so that’s neat. That mean’s there’s some other weird shit going on there for us to find out.)

Ok one thing I forgot about the time rules of the desert other world and Kevin? You don’t AGE in the desert other world. Kevin when he contact Cecil in the last section of Triptych say’s he is very old. Now he could mean ancient as in “lived a very long time” but he specifically says “very old” and seems like his health might even me failing. Certainly he puts on a different voice. Anyway, all that leading up to the theory that we can extrapolate from that that Kevin will escape the desert other world at some point. Which isn’t too much of a stretch, and I think we all kind of expected (and I desperately hoped for after Triptych tyvm. FFS Cecil if you know how he ends up and also what he used to be like why not GO SAVE KEVIN FROM THAT FATE! Jeeze man! I really wish that had been part of the arc following Triptych and genuinely thought it might be. Like please. Cecil how can you just leave him there???)

All and all I liked the first novel a LOT more, but I liked this novel. Heck if it it wasn’t from Night Vale crew, meaning I had kind of hyped standards for it already, it probably would have been super awesome.

I mean there were some parts of the first novel I didn’t like, and I’m feeling some similar feelings regarding how the smiling god and desert other world turned out looking a bit mundane in this story and left a lot of “but if they were really just this, then why this old plot point” feelings just like the Man in the Tan Jacket did last novel (WHY was he interested in the underground city damn it? Especially with what we now know about Huntokar? WHY was he working with the Apache Tracker? What the hell were they doing? What was the post office all about?) but all and all I still preferred the first novel to this one. It felt more... human I guess. Had that good good recognizable story about a mom and her kid, growing up, parents, relationships, becoming an adult and a helluva lot of other stuff. Not that this one didn’t have a neat story about religion and science (that part honestly felt a little too basic for me) and fitting into one’s communities (that part was alright) but the first novel just hit the right cords more. Personally at least I felt more attached to everyone AND enjoyed the treatment of the themes more. Idk exacccctly why, but I absolutely enjoyed the first novel way more. It felt more like it’s own entity. A valid reason to use a different medium. A really new and cool thing where we could step into the shoes of likeable, fully rounded characters. This novel felt a lot more like a sometimes wacky one off live show with new characters or something. =/ I still enjoyed it, but not as much, and mostly the parts I did enjoy were all humor and surreal Night Vale goodness.

Alright. Well. That ends my rambling for now. I’m sure I’ll have many instances of trying to get to sleep and thoughts of the novel bouncing around in my head begging me to write them down or otherwise talk about them, so I guess I gotta emphasize the “for now” part.

This is long as shit and I’d be mildly surprised and utterly flattered if anyone can make it through my rambling.

[sex-with-matty-healy]

By Your Side || George Daniel Drabble

Word Count: 659

Summary:  @benditlikebedford  “…I would love if you wrote a lil fic about the reader being sick and George taking care of them <33 “

Author’s Note: I’ve literally stressed over this one for so long. I’m still not 100% confident with it, but I still hope you guys like and enjoy and I promise I’ll get better at this whole thing! Cutesy is hard for me and not-Matty is hard for me lol. Anyway, please feel free to leave me feedback and like if you like! Send me requests here and Enjoy!!

You hated being sick, I mean it’s not like anyone likes it, but it happened to you rarely enough that it felt extra horrible to be bedridden and congested for those few days. Thankfully, George was around this time to take care of you. You woke up that morning, exhausted and congested, freezing, even under all the blankets and next to George’s big, warm body. You snuggled up next to him as he gently shifted awake.

“Morning, beautiful,” he says, his voice still low and raspy with sleep, “You feeling any better?” He kisses your forehead, you’re still so warm.

“Not really.” He kicks off the big comforter and pulls the sheet more comfortably around the two of you.

“We’ll take it easy today. Do you want me to make you some breakfast?”

“Emmm, I’m not sure my stomach can handle more than a cup of tea right now.”

“Alight,” he gets up, kissing your forehead again, “I’ll be right back.” You scroll through your various social media for a few minutes until George returns. He was like sunshine personified, his blond curls messy from sleep, in just his boxers, even feeling as gross as you did you had to take the moment to admire him.

“’ere you are. I brought cold medicine too,”

“Thank you,” you say, sitting up taking a sip and popping the pill out of it’s casing.

“What do you want to do today? I was thinking we can put on all your favorite movies and take it easy. I can make you some soup later if you want.”

“That sounds perfect, George.”

“I’m gonna get cleaned up and go to the store for ingredients then. Can I get you anything else?”

“Um, clean pyjamas?”

“Be right back,” he disappears for a moment. You hear the shower start and he returns a moment later with a clean t-shirt and your softest pyjama pants, “These work?”

“Yeah, that perfect.” You strip quickly out of your dirty tee and shorts that you had worn all day yesterday. George takes advantage of your semi-nakedness and softly tackles you, taking extra care to be gentle with you, and pulls you into his embrace.

“You’re so beautiful,” he coos softly. You raise an eyebrow at him, you haven’t showered since you got sick and your nose is bright red and raw from blowing it so often, “Really, you are. I like all my girls with tired eyes and runny noses,” he teases as he kisses yours, “I’ve got to get in the shower, wanna come with?”

As tempting as that sounded, your body ached too bad to stand for that long so you shook you head regretfully.

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too, sunshine.”

You did some work on your laptop while George ran to the store, sick or not, you still had some responsibilities to attend to. By the time he returned, you had finished responding to emails and moved out to the couch to start the next episode of Black Mirror.

Not many people knew that George was an amazing cook, and to be fair he usually saved this skill for special occasions, but when he cooked for you it always made you feel loved and cared for. He made you chicken noodle soup, from scratch, and came to meet you on the couch.

“What are ya watchin’?”

“Black Mirror. I watched the first season when you guys were on tour last, but I haven’t had a chance to watch the new stuff since then.” You snuggled up to him, sipping your soup, it was really good.

You fall asleep towards the end of the episode, head on Georges lap, he gently pets your hair. Carefully, he picks you up and carries you to the bed, lying you down and tucking you in. He lays next to you in bed and begins on some work of his own, but always caring for you, never leaving your side.

[painttheworlddifferent]

1-54!! 💖💖

Anon I literally JUST reblogged that and got your ask. Y'all work fast as fuck. Okay here we go *crackles knuckles*

1.Kissed a girl? Yes! 
2.Kissed a boy? Yes! 
3.Had sex in public? Yes 👀
4.What’s your religion? Muslim! 
5.What does your URL mean? I made this tumblr when I was 14 idk really lmao but I had a friend in 5th grade who’s MySpace username login was colortheworldpretty or painttheworldpretty or something like that (I don’t remember anymore tbh it’s been a while since I was in 5th grade, or since I was 14) but it was already taken at that time so I switched it up a little
6.Reason you joined tumblr? I was always looking at meme blogs like without an account and my friend Ali in French class had a tumblr and she talked about how great it was and suggested I make one and then final I could reblog the meme posts 😎
7.Do you have any nicknames? My aunt and cousin call me Nini, my sister calls me Nick, and my dad’s side of the family calls me Ouma. 
8.Do you like bubble bath? Yes!! I just hate that my bubbles always seem to go away so quickly :/
9.Kissed in the rain? No rip
10.Dyed your hair? Yes lmao my hair is currently turquoise 
11.Soup or salad? Salad!
12.Vegetable or meat? Meat ;)
13.Go out drinking? I like going out but I hate drinking tbh, I hate being sick
14.Smoke cigarettes? Yes 
15.Smoke weed? Yesssss lmao
16.Do any hard drugs? Nah I’m not really into that
17.Have you had sex today? No rip 😩
18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Yes
19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted? Um do you mean like /text messages/ or like any sort of online communication??? The last person I /texted/ was my friend Erin ( @blushedaesthetic hit her up) but the last person I communicated with online at all was this guy I’m talking to on Tinder.
20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yes!! Everyone says they’re my best feature (except those who say my boobs)
21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game? No I’m not a big gamer oops
22.Tried to commit suicide? No but I thought about it 
23.The last time you felt broken? These are getting deep as fuck what are you trying to pull?! Jk um I guess yesterday?? I’ve been asleep all day today so I haven’t had time but I’m sure it’ll kick in soon
24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt? Yeah ://
25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend? No lmao but if you find someone willing let me know
26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair? Long hair! It’s grown out a lot 
27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl? Hair
28.Do you sing in the shower? No my parents always yelled at me so I broke the habit 
29.Do you dance in the car? I’m usually driving so it’s more of a shimmy than a dance but yes I suppose 
30.Where were you yesterday? I went to the library but besides that I stayed at home 
31.Ever used a bow and arrow? Yeah actually I was on my 6th grade archery team!
32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? My friend elise ( @elise182 hit her up as well) took a candid of me our senior year of high school so a year ago? Give or take a few months?
33.Do you think musicals are cheesy? Sometimes but I still like them
34.Is Christmas stressful? God yes. 
35.Favorite type of fruit pie? None, I have texture issues :/
36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Dancer and/or preacher
37.Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? All the time 
39.Take a vitamin daily? No my parents think they’re a hoax
40.Wear slippers? No
41.Wear a bath robe? No
42.What do you wear to bed? Fluffy pj bottoms and an old tshirt 
43.Do you want to get married? Yes
44.Can you curl your tongue? Yes Relationship preference: 
45.How many relationships have you had? Too many to count. I was a hoe in middle school lol. 
46.How can I win your heart? Shower me in affection and attention
47.what makes a great relationship? Communication and trust
48.Shy OR open? Open
50.Religious OR non-religious? Non-religious
51.Caring OR non-restricting of you? I’m not 100% sure what the question means but I’m going to interpret it as “smothering or distant” and I’m definitely smothering 
52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge? Non-straight edge
53.Piercings OR no piercings? Piercings
54.Tattoos OR no tattoos? Tattoos

55. Wasn’t on the list that you asked me to respond to anon but I will anyway bc I don’t want it to feel left out
55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type? Um idk it depends but I do like to par-tay 🤔😏