#log book <- because i have a real one but this is not that serious

[derogatorydennis]

.

[kitimeq]

surprise encounter 🤍 sylus 秦

pairing: sylus x reader

summary: You’ve been playing love&deepspace ever since the game came out and it became your comfort place now. You like all of the boys, but you have the highest affinity with sylus, who had your heart in a grasp ever since the beginning. Who would’ve thought that he shares the sentiment? And after your monthly absence from the game, he decides to pay you a little visit and finally confess to all of it (and maybe try to kidnap you in the process too).

tropes: fluff, angst to fluff, fluff to angst to fluff? fluff to angst to fluff to angst to fluff???? idk angst with happy ending!

word count: no idea, it goes on for days sorry

warning!: i apologize for any mistakes, i am not a native speaker of english!! if you see any errors you can write me a dm and i will correct them for sure ♡ and i think it gets better later! i can’t write for shi, especially the beginnings, and the second part was fueled by my delulu so it is probably much more fun to read 🤍

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You liked days like these: quiet days, lazy ones, when you didn’t have any errands to run, meetings to attend, or people to please. You could just stay inside for the whole day, reading your favorite books and playing cozy games, spending your time however you wanted. Today was Saturday and you didn’t have to go to work until Monday and you decided that you finally deserved to have some rest after the last couple of weeks of almost working yourself to the bone due to the amount of the assingments you had to complete at work. You often had to stay after hours or work from home to complete everything in time. Your work was not usually that challenging, but there were certain times of the year when everyone at your job had their hands full and when it happened, you were almost completely cut off not only from your social, but also personal life. However, you never complained, because you actually liked what you were doing, and even if the occasional hard times were inevitable, your work brought you so much fun and satisfaction.

And today was a good day! You finally finished everything you had to do, so you could go back to your favourite game. You didn’t have time to play recently due to the amount of work, up to the point that you didn’t even bother to check in to grab some stamina. Usually, love&deepspace was an important part of your day - you logged in there at least twice a day, completed every task thrown your way and had a blast doing so, but these couple of weeks were so hard for you that you almost forgot about it completely. But even if you were too busy, you thought about the boys from time to time, as well as about the events that you were probably missing out on. You really hoped that if some new events had taken place during that time, that they did not involve Sylus, because if you had missed them, you would be slightly devastated.

Sylus was your favorite. Ever since the beginning, there was something about him that caught your attention. You downloaded the game after his announcement and haven’t looked back since. You played with other boys as well, but your time with Sylus was always the most memorable. Not only was he extremely attractive in your eyes, as well as the eyes of other players around the world, but you also understood his character, adored his little jokes and mannerisms, and could safely say that he made your life a little more exciting. You knew that it probably sounded lame to someone who didn’t play such games, and you were aware that he wasn’t real, but you enjoyed yourself regardless. In your real life, you had some experience with men and were pretty popular among them; however, you never felt comfortable enough to form more serious romantic relationships.

Here, with Sylus, you didn’t have to worry about such things. You were aware that he was only a game character and maybe that was why you were so honest with him from the very beginning. You knew that he wouldn’t judge you, misstreat you or make you miserable - he was created in a way that was supposed to make your playthrough enjoyable so you didn’t have to worry about your responses in the messages for him or your real life reactions to everything he said or did. You could just be yourself. And you loved how freeing that felt.

That is why you felt so excited ever since you woke up. Because you knew that today you could finally go back to playing l&d, and you could meet up with your Sylus after so much time apart. You quickly did your chores, spent some time on self-care to slightly relieve the fatigue from the weeks before, you put on your favourite cozy outfit and finally clicked the ”enter game” button.

And there he was. Sylus was standing in the cafe, wearing his extremally attractive biker outfit and you caught yourself sighing dreamily at the sight of him. You missed him so bad, you missed the little memories you shared and the sound of his voice. You missed playing kitty cards with him, catching plushies together and even looking for that bastard Tobias again and again. You couldn’t help but smile brightly at him.

“Hi Sylus, you have no idea how happy I am to see you.” You said cheerfully, feeling kind of dumb for it but you couldn’t help yourself. You often talked out loud to him during your playtime.

You watched him blink slowly once, then twice, and you started to think that there was something wrong with the server because his response should have already been uttered. But then the look on his face changed. At first, he appeared really shocked and relieved, but then a little frown appeared between his perfect little eyebrows.

“Where the hell have you been?” He responded quickly and it shocked you. You didn’t know that they could swear in the game, but after connecting some dots you figured that it had to be included in the special responses after the player was away for some time.

“At work mostly, been so busy lately but now I’m back and ready to defeat some Wanderers!!” You fist bumped the air above you, you couldn’t contain your excitement.

You also noticed that his expression stayed the same. He was silent, looking at you through your phone screen with bewilderment, and he looked almost hurt. In an attempt to provide some comfort to him, you swiped your finger gently through his hair and across his cheek. However, when you touched his cheek, he closed his eyes and nuzzled into your finger, which made you widen your eyes in surprise. Was that always a thing? Was he always so responsive to your touch? It had to be a new feature; you didn’t remember him being so lively.

“Next time you decide to leave me without a word, I think I’m going to take more drastic measures, sweetie” He said while opening his eyes. You couldn’t help but notice he did look different than usual. More… realistic? Even the way in which he moved his body looked so smooth.

“If not for Mephisto, I would have worried sick about your safety. You can't do this to me every time you have more work than usual; you have to visit me, even if it's just for a minute. I won't exaggerate when I say that I almost went insane after the first week of your cruel silence” And at that you were completely stunned. Should he talk this much? He never talked this much. And how could he know that you had more work than usual? Was that a lucky guess on the studio’s side?

“That’s so weird…” You whispered and touched his hand to trigger some kind of reaction that would appear more usual than what was happening right now.

“Is that your way of catching me of guard? If you wanted to hold my hand so badly kitten, then you would have visited me sooner. I will not let myself be distracted by your cute little behavior” He raised the hand you touched and crossed his arms at his chest, while continuing to frown. And you were still so, so confused.

“Promise me that you won’t leave me again, I know where to find you now.” You raised your eyebrows and bit your lip gently. You started to feel a little bit out of place, you knew that he was not real, but he sounded kind of scary. His voice was demanding, and the part about him finding you? You shivered involuntarily.

“What happened? Cat got your tongue, kitten? Or did you finally understood the selfishness of your actions?” Sylus continued and you opened your mouth in awe. “Promise. Me.” He said slowly, his gaze unnerving. Suddenly you heard a series of loud caws outside on your balcony. The sound made you jump in place, and you dropped your phone on your bed. Was that a freaking crow?? Outside your apartament???

You quickly picked up your phone and cursed softly. You were going insane. You got scared just because the game had an update you did not know about. You almost wanted to laugh at how stupid that was. Almost. Because Sylus walked up to the front of your phone screen and spoke to you again.

“Why are you hesitating? Are you really planning to leave me again?” You swore you never heard him so hurt.

“No!” You said before you could think.

“No?” He answered immediately, which scared the hell out of you. “I am not sure I believe you. And I can’t stand it. I can’t stand being away from you anymore.” He took two steps back and closed his eyes.

That was when the game crashed. Your phone appeared to be broked too, after the colourful lines appeared on the screen, flickered a couple of times and the whole screen turned black. You threw the device away from you and your heart started beating so fast you could hear the blood pulsing in your ears. You were so confused and genuinely scared. Was there an update that switched the genre of the game to horror? You were stunned.

And then you heard the knock.

You almost jumped out of your slippers. You brought your hand to your heart in order to calm yourself down and you started taking slow, deep breaths. It’s just a game. It’s just a game. Besides, how did Sylus, of all people, managed to scare you so badly? You adored that character, and you should know that he was prone not only to exaggeration, but also to intimidating appearance. That was literally one of his characteristics. So you forced yourself to calm down and opened the damn door, because it was probably a mailman, or one of your friendly neighbors, and here you were making a scene like a complete psychopath.

One. Two. Three.

You opened the door, and at first all you could see was a huge cloud of black mist. You closed your eyes in order to keep the mist from clouding your vision and then you felt wind pushing you gently further into your apartament. You heard the door close and the sound of the key turning in the lock. Everything happened so fast. And when you opened your eyes your knees almost buckled.

Sylus.

Sylus was all you could see. He was standing in front of you, in your own apartament, looking so out of place that you wanted to laugh. The first thing that you noticed about him was that he was huge, you couldn’t really see past him, and the more you looked at him, the more real he appeared to be. Soft-looking silver hair, rugged skin, that perfect nose and those piercing eyes. They looked into yours now, and at first they seemed to be searching for something, and after one quick second they visibly softened. You could also see how his handsome, oh so handsome mouth started to display his signature little smirk. And that was when you started to tremble.

“W-wha—” You tried to say something, anything but your mouth was not working. You have never been so confused and scared in your entire life. “Who—W-who are—” He was starting to close the distance between you and that is when the panic finally took over your body. You flinched and went to take a step back, but you slipped on your soft carpet.

Yet you didn’t fall. You felt the gentle caress of the mist that managed to caught you before you hit the ground, and it streightened your posture so that now you stood tall in front of the man.

“Careful kitten, I do not think that falling on four feet applies to you.” He spoke out loud for the first time and the voice was so familiar to you. It was the same, deep, husky timbre that you loved to hear, the same voice that made you squeal in happiness, that lulled you to sleep countless of times. You couldn’t believe it.

“Oh my god, am I dead?” He laughed softly at your reaction and looked at you through his lashes. “This can’t be happening.”

”Oh but it is. I knew that I would find my way to you, I just needed time.” He said and tried to close the distance between you, but you didn’t let him. Every step forward he took, you took one back. “It was so hard to find you. But after you disappeared without saying a word I think I got desperate.” Something flashed in his eyes. You recognized it as determination.

He stopped walking when he noticed that you were getting too close to the balcony. He straightened his posture, and you almost released a gasp. He was huge. And he was real. Alive and so, so real, that you had trouble breathing. You were so scared, but at the same time, so happy to see him, that your body didn’t know how it should react. You just looked at him, taking him in, trying to assess whether it wasn’t your mind playing tricks on you, or if it wasn’t some random man breaking into your apartment and your brain had created a new, fantastic defense mechanism. But no, the longer you took him in, the more similarities you managed to notice: the scar in the corner of his eye, his unevenly clipped fingernails, strong but dry hands, olive skin, slim lips, long, slightly furrowed eyebrows. The not-so-hidden gentleness in his gaze as he was taking you in himself.

“It’s really you.” You managed to breathe out.

“You’re so beautiful.” He answered and his voice was slowly starting to make you feel these similar butterflies. “So, so magnificent.” He continued. You felt your cheeks heat up and he seemed to drink that reaction in. “Will you talk to me more? You sound angelic. I did not think that you could sound even better than you did through the phone but I guess you will never fail to surprise me, sweetheart.” He did not move an inch. He just looked at you, and you still didn’t know how to react, but you were slowly coming to terms with the fact that it was not a weird dream. He was here and he didn’t appear to have bad intentions. At least you wanted to believe that.

“You’re still trembling. Are you really that scared of me?” He pressed his lips into a line.

“I’m sorry. I just… I’m just not sure what is happening. I had no idea you were… real.” He laughed softly at that.

“You wound me, kitten. Is that your way of unleashing your little claws?” He continued with a small smile on his lips and you couldn’t take it. He looked… stressed. And you thought that was new for him. You spend so many hours playing with him in l&d but you have never seen him so stressed.

Everything that came out of his mouth was slow and precise, not a word was spoken without a purpose. However you could see by his appearance that he was uncertain.

“Of course I’m real. And all the time we spent together is real too. Was it so wrong of me to expect that you would be at least a little bit happier to see me?” He was starting to look hurt. But not angry, not displeased. More concerned than anything, and that was when most of your worries started to disappear. He was your Sylus. He really was.

“I am happy to see you. I really am.” You said truthfully, the fear slowly dissolving. “What are you doing here? How did it happen?.”

“When you left me, I was worried to death. I had to come see that you were alright for myself.” He said, not taking his eyes from you. “I found a path between our worlds, and first I sent Mephisto after you. And that was how I knew you were fine, just busy.” He started explaining slowly and put two fingers at the bridge of his nose. This gesture was so familiar that you felt a slight pang in your chest. “Which l understand. But you stopped visiting completely and I panicked that I lost you. And that you lost your interest in me. And when you logged in today I guess I just lost control over myself.”

“I had to see you. I had to feel you. I needed to know that you will never leave me like that again. But how could I be so sure if you thought I was not real, sweetie?” His voice carried a hint of a ridicule. He smirked slowly and you allowed yourself to relax. You spend so much time with him on your phone, that you knew when he really needed reassurance. And it was the first time you saw him being so honest about his own feelings.

You decided to step closer to him and his eyes widened slightly. His body tightened because of the sudden change in proximity, and when you gently touched his hand, bringing it to your mouth, he appeared to be rendered speechless.

“I would never leave you, Sy. At least not without saying goodbye first. You are my safe space, remember?” You said quietly and smiled at him brightly, reminding him of what you had written in your game bio. And then you brought his knuckles to your lips and placed a soft kiss upon them. His hands were much warmer than you expected them to be. They felt harsh, but gentle.

The next thing you heard was a soft grunt and you felt yourself suddenly being lifted in the air. You yelped and found yourself pressed against his big, solid chest. Sylus hugged your body to his by wrapping both of his arms around your torso, and when he realized that you weren’t comfortable, he put one hand under your thighs and brought your body to his by your waist. You let your arms wrap around his neck and squeezed, and he buried his head in the crook of your neck. You heard him inhale your scent and his breath became rigged, as if he could not contain his excitement. You also became familiar with his scent. He smelled so manly and comforting, you could catch some notes of wood and leather, and something surprisingly sweet.

“You smell divine. You’re so soft, so warm.” He breathed against your neck and you felt goosebumps spreading throughout your whole body. You were so embarrassed, you felt like you needed to release some tension.

“I did not expect you to be so open with me. You’re usually the teasing type.” He chucked deeply and put his forehead against yours, while closing his eyes. Your cheeks burned. You couldn’t believe it wasn’t a dream.

“There will be a time for teasing you, kitten.” He rubbed his forehead against yours slowly. “Right now let me enjoy you for a bit. I can’t believe I finally got to see you.” He squeezed you harder to him. You reciprocated the hug with all you had. You were actually kind of scared that your grip was too hard, but he seemed to bask in it. “Communicating through that small device was not nearly enough for me. I could always see you and I heard your little responses to everything I was saying. But it took me some time to figure out how to change some things up.” Your eyes went wide at the mention of your reactions, you knew that a lot of times there were beyond embarrassing but you decided your blush to speak for itself. But what truly caught your attention was how he managed to appear in your home.

“Change things up?? You must have made such a mess, will it really be okay?” The concern in your voice made him look up and find your eyes with his. You were now looking at his beautiful red eyes, so full of adoration and determination. You could see that the consequences of his actions did not matter to him at all.

“Sweetie, I would gladly burn the world down for you, even if it meant that I could see you just once.” You swallowed audibly and proceeded to shy away from his piercing gaze. You started to feel unworthy of such attention, you couldn’t quite grasp what exactly made him care about you to such extend. “Fortunately for everyone, the process did not involve starting an intergalactic war.” He smirked slowly, his eyes finding your lips and staying there for much longer than necessary. “Yet.”

You chuckled at that and proceeded to bury your fingers in his hair, stroking the strands with care. They were so soft to the touch, they reminded you of silk. He closed his eyes and let you touch him to your heart’s content. Your hand quickly found its way to his forehead, and then to his cheek, stroking the skin delicately. You couldn’t believe how someone so handsome could really exist.

“See something you like, kitten?” He said and nuzzled into your palm, pressing a kiss right there. ”You will have all the time in the world to touch me, when we arrive in the N109 Zone.” He seemed so peaceful, so content with himself, but the mention of the N109 Zone stopped you in your tracks. You tensed visibly and he opened his eyes, noticing the change in your posture.

“The N109 Zone?” You asked puzzled. “Are you taking me away for a weekend?” You took your hand from his face and he used his Evol to bring it back to his cheek. The mist around your fingers felt weird, but not unpleasant.

“For a weekend? No, no.” He locked his eyes with yours, his head slowly closing the distance between you. He licked his lips and looked at your mouth once again. “I am taking you away forever.” And before his lips managed to touch yours, you flinched. Your hands quickly pushed him away and the panic returned to your features.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I meant what I said. Pack your bags if you believe there is something that I cannot provide for you quickly enough, and we will be off shortly.” He said matter of factly, kind of annoyed by the distance you decided to put between you. “Luke and Kieran have already prepared a room for you, although I think that you will have more than enough space for your belongings in mine.” His eyes brightened with excitement that you unfortunately could not share. Instead, you lightly pushed his torso, making him lower you to the ground grudgingly. His brows were once again furrowed.

“I can’t go with you Sylus. At least, not for forever”

“You can. We can stay together for the rest of our lives and no one would have any objections. I took care of everything.” He reached to grab your forearm and stroked it softly with his thumb. He was so sure of everything he was saying, that you could feel how much he let himself get lost in his fantasy. It did make you feel wanted, loved even. But no matter how happy you were that he was real, and apparently shared your feelings, you couldn’t agree to his plan.

“No, Sylus. I need to stay here, I have built my whole life in this place.” You could feel how much your words shocked him. He was looking at you so puzzled as if he didn’t think that you declining his offer was even an option. “I can’t leave everything that I managed to achieve, I really am content with my life, despite how complicated it can be.” You said truthfully. A part of you wanted to go with him, to feel safe and cherished for, for the rest of your life but you knew that was not realistic. You wanted to achieve more, you wanted to have your own life and your own space. You needed to be independent, to feel that you were perfectly capable of caring for yourself and your own needs.

“I do not understand. Don’t you want to be with me?” It pained you how quickly he jumped to that conclusion. And you hated the look on his face - it made you feel like you were betraying him.

”I do want to! Oh my god— I really, really do want to Sylus. I don’t think that I can live without spending time with you anymore.” You smiled at him, and took hold of his huge, rugged hand. “But I can’t live with you in the N109 Zone. I can’t leave my whole life behind.” And the fact that he wanted to make you do that somewhat scared you. Made you feel distressed.

“I see.” He sounded deep in thought. Then, he broke the eye contact for a second, looked at his hand in your hold and before you could even react, he grabbed your body gently with his Evol and picked you up. Your whole body was above ground and although you felt secured, you looked at him with surprise.

“What are you doing?” You wanted to get free from the hold of the mist, but it was impossible with how tight it was. “Sylus, you have to let me go.” You tried not to panic, you knew that you weren’t in danger. But he looked relentless, unforgiving as if his mind was already set in stone.

“No. I can’t. Not now when I finally got to have you.” He looked up at you, with his eyebrows still furrowed, and you could hear a hint of a growl in his voice. “If you do not wish to go with me, I guess I would have to take you by force.”

It was then that you felt a sense of panic. You knew him, and you knew that if he wants something, he always gets it. It just did not cross your mind that he would ever go against your own wishes.

“No. No, no, no, Sylus, please calm down.” He narrowed his eyes and stood almost motionless before you, devoid of almost any emotion. Almost, if not for the desperation shining through his movements. “You cannot take me away. At least not for now. But I will do anything you ask me to! You can also stay here for some time, and visit me whenever you want to, I swear, I would be so happy to have you.” You just needed him to listen. You knew that you could change his mind, he always listened to what you had to say, he just needed a little bit of persuasion. Maybe he didn’t even think about alternative options?

“And I would make you happy in the N109 Zone with me.” You laughed with disbelief. He was completely missing your point. You decided to once again yank your hands from the grasp of his mist, and then hissed with pain when it did not loosen up its hold. “Your struggle is futile, please stop, I do not wish for you to get hurt.” He was annoyed with you and your disobedience. He did not think that you would have any objections, he started loosing his cool.

“You would never let me get hurt.” You answered, wanting to assure yourself of it as well. You didn’t like how commanding he sounded.

“Yes.” There was no doubt in his voice. “Yes, you know I would stop at nothing to protect you.” His gaze never wavered from yours. He truly thought that what he was doing was for the best. And you just had to let him know how wrong his approach was.

“Yes! Yes I do know that! Because I know you, Sy.” You started to sound as if you were pleading. Deep down it scared you, send uncomfortable shivers down your spine. “I know you, and I know that you also know me.”

He placed his hand on his heart.

“And I adore every single piece of information. And I still wish to know you much, much better.” You tensed when you noticed that his right eye was starting to glow. You did not know if that was intentional, or just a trick of the light.

“Then you MUST know how much this life means to me. How much I like my stupid job, and how much I love the people that are here for me. My friends, my family.” You noticed that your reasoning started to get to him when he clenched his fists and avoided your eyes for a second. “And you have to know how much it would hurt me if you were to take me away from them.” He appeared taken aback. It seemed that his longing for you clouded his judgement, and now he started to notice the faults in his plan.

“But I cannot stand to be apart from you anymore, sweetie.” In normal circumstances that would be so touching to you. But nothing about this situation was normal, and you guessed you just had to show him how normal looked like.

“You won’t be. You can visit me anytime you want. Stay for how long you want.” You wanted that too. So bad.

“But that is not ENOUGH.” It was the first time you heard his raised voice and you started to tremble. His outburst must’ve thrown him off guard too, because he wavered and the grip he had on you loosed. You acted instinctively. You freed yourself from the mist and started to run towards your door. And although he was stunned by your reaction, he quickly teleported so that you ran straight into his chest. His hands grabbed yours in order to protect you from falling due to the impact.

He gently caressed your now slightly red forehead and sighed loudly. You could hear that he was hurt. You cried out from frustration.

“If you really thought that you could run away from me then you must be a total fool.” He tucked your hair behind your ear and lifted your chin up with his finger. “Usually I like playing cat and mouse with you, but I do not like the fact that you appear genuinely scared of me right now.” He hugged your waist and brought you closer to him, lowering his head at the same time. “And that you tried to run away from me when I only want to offer you my protection.”

“It doesn’t sound like protection, it sounds like imprisonment.” You used strong words, but you sounded so small. You did not know what to do with him, you were so scared. ”I’m just scared. I tried to run away because you scared me, Sylus.” You sounded desperate for him to understand you. To look past his own clouded vision.

“You do not have to fear me. I just want what is best for you. For us.” His grip on your waist tightened, and he also proceeded to grab your wrist.

“No. You only want what is best for you. You are not listening to me. I do care about you Sylus, but I cannot leave this place.” You tried to stand your ground but you two never argued before. It was an unfamiliar ground to you, especially when it was the first time that you had a conversation in person. Everything felt more intense and dangerous when you remembered the extreme measures he was always willing to take to achieve his goals.

“You can. And I will make you leave.” He almost growled and a cloud of black and red mist surrounded both of you, and that was enough to bring tears into your eyes.

”Sylus, no, please, I don’t want to. Please, just listen to me, please.” And it was at that moment he started to came into his senses. Your quiet voice and your eyes full of tears made his breathing stop. It was the first time he was seeing you react like this. He hated how broken you sounded. How small. “I’m so scared, Sy, please stop scaring me.” Your voice sounded choked and you could feel that the tears started streaming down your face. Every single one physically hurt him. It was your first meeting and he already made you so miserable. He wanted to scream. “Please.” You tried once again and it shocked you that it finally worked on him.

He tensed and released you from his grip. The mist also dissipated as he took a step back from you. You could hear him breathing deeply.

“I cannot do this." He sounded panicked. “I did not want to scare you, and I cannot listen to your little broken pleas. They break my heart.” He hidden his face in his hands and curled in himself. He felt as if someone pierced his heart with a knife and twisted it. He could not bring himself to look at your beautiful heartbroken face again. “They really do. Please, just stop crying. You won.”

You sniffed softly and touched your wet cheeks. You tried to calm yourself down, he finally listened to you.

“It does not feel so good this time for some reason.” You answered, referring to your Kitty Card battles. You wanted to relieve the tension somehow. You knew that he didn’t want to hurt you, you understand that he lives in a different reality where danger awaits everywhere. You could understand why he wanted to have you beside him at all times. But it scared you how insistent he was, how brutal and final. “Do you really understand why I got so scared?”

He nodded helplessly. “I won’t steal you away. Not when I know how much you despise the idea of spending the rest of your time with me.” You noticed how hard he was pressing his hands to his face and you grabbed them in your own. He let you uncover his eyes and you saw how much it hurt him to let you go.

“Oh, Sy.” You whispered and hugged his hands to your chest. “You know that’s not the reason.”

“Stop calling me that. It drives me crazy.” He breathed and met your eyes. “You drive me crazy. What am I going to do with you? How can I make sure you are safe now?” You took his hands and made him follow you into your bedroom. You sat on your bed and urged him to do the same. This way you could finally talk with him more comfortably.

“Sylus, we have to talk about it.” You squeezed his hands and he looked at yours and took notice of how much smaller they were in comparison to his. So fragile, so breakable. He couldn’t stand it. His whole body longed to protect you. “I do not despise the idea of spending my time with you. I just can’t randomly leave everything I know and love. And this world is different from the one you know, we have our dangers but no one wants my head.” You explained to him slowly. “There are no Wanderers. No protocores.” He looked conflicted.

“I already know that sweetheart. I do. But when you disappeared for such a long time I couldn’t help but think that something bad happened to you” he gritted through his teeth. “I nearly lost my mind looking for you everywhere. It was terrifying, that thought in my mind and the idea that I would never have another chance to speak with you. To see you.” He touched your forearms and brought you a little closer to him. “And when Mephisto found you safe and sound I thought that I never want to feel that fear, that helplessness again. And the only way to do that is to keep you beside me at all times. To guard you with my own body and soul.” He took your hand and rested it on his chest. You could feel the fast and steady rhythm of his heart. You could feel his desperation, his complete devotion. And it almost made you tear up.

“I-I’m so sorry that I made you worry this much.” He studied your face with intention and you shake your head. “But I didn’t even know that you were real. I really thought it was just a game that made me feel less alone and now…” You swallowed audibly. “Now I know that everything I built with you during our time together was very much real and I’m still having trouble to wrap my head around it to be honest.” I smiled at him softly and he nodded with understanding.

“And then you came in and wanted to kidnap me to a world much more dangerous than mine where I do not have my close ones and—“

“I did NOT mean for that to be a kidnapping I though that you shared my sentiment, and also wanted to spend some time—“

“SOME time?? Sylus you wanted me to switch literal worlds and live with you in your freaking villa in the middle of nowhere—”

”I live in an apartment that has a fantastic location, mind you, and you would feel so comfortable in—“

”Apartament??? You cannot possibly be a freaking leader of Onychinus and live in an apartment complex, are you being serious with me right now??”

“Have you ever heard of a saying that the darkest place is under the candlestick, kitten? Besides there is no one in the whole N109 zone that would pose an actual threat to me—” He cut off when he met your eyes full of laughter, and then he heard that beautiful sound. You burst into giggles right in front of him and you touched him by the bicep and brought his forehead to yours. He couldn’t help but chuckle too, understanding the absurdity of the situation. Feeling your forehead against his, hearing your adorable chuckles and inhaling your sweet scent made him feel so at peace that he closed his eyes to embrace the moment completely. He couldn’t believe that he almost ruined your relationship by being so selfish.

“I missed this. This back and forth with you” You said and he chucked deeply. “I really am happy to see you, Sy. And I swear that we will be able to talk and spent time with each other more often now. And actually see each other in person.” He nuzzled into your face more and you caught his smirk by the corner of your eye. “We can stay in touch at all times, so that you won’t have to worry about my safety so much.”

“So bossy, kitten.” He answered, but the small smile did not leave his face. He couldn’t make it go away even if he tried. “Forgive me for scaring you earlier. I was not thinking straight. I was just so elated to finally have you in my arms that I let my selfishness get the best of me, and for that I’m sorry. I did not want to ruin our first meeting, sweetie.” You hugged him by bringing your arms around his chest and he closed his eyes drinking in the proximity. You were too small, too adorable, too attractive for him to take it. Too honest. Too lovable. Made just for him to adore. To protect.

“You did not ruin anything.” You said into his shirt, hugging him tighter. “I understand you, Sylus. And I like you a little selfish if it means that’s what brought you to me” He smiled into your hair and reluctantly let go of your fragile frame. He touched your chin and delicately lifted your face up to face him. His eyes were once again drinking you in, committing every single one of your features to his memory. He sighed contentedly.

“Selfishness was not the reason of my visit.” You could see how his eyes softened and you felt your chest squeeze. You brushed his cheek, loving the way how he seemed to relish in your touch. His eyes wandered to your lips: pink, plump and so inviting. “Adoration was. The complete love and devotion that I have felt for you for quite some time now.” You gasped quietly and opened your lips slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Sy—”

“And I guess a little emotional push was what made me finally find my way to you, my beloved.” He half-whispered, leaned in, and pressed his lips to yours, locking you in a sweet, passionate kiss that went on and on, seeming to deepen with every minute you spent in his embrace.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙

[olderthannetfic]

I'm still peeved to the fucking moon and back that people legit feels like it's controversial to say "I wish we'd focus on NON-white fairytales when starring POC, because other cultures that Europen ones exist." and "It's annoying that already existing fairytales redone despite still holding up, to be an expensive cashgrab with no soul." Like, be honest, even if the poc starring in the movie is a fantastic actor, they're still basically going to be used as a shield by execs afraid of real criticism, they're going to receive hate by racist assholes, all to be then forgotten because they'll never live up to the original OR the movie is just so shit it'll sink into nothingness for being so mid to begin with, as most of them have.

"OmG what about an Asian Snow white?" "What about a Native American Red beauty and the beast?" "What about a black Rapunzel." Or... OR! We actually look at a specific culture, and then we get a cool fucking story that isn't the same set of European fairytales all over again? Maybe it's because I'm from Europe, but in my childhood I've read and watched hundreds of movies, shows, and books that are just different versions of the same European fairytales. That doesn't mean they're bad, but that any "new" version is just another log on an already burning pyre. It won't change anything, that fire already burns.

But imagine a story from a place and culture that hasn't really been presented to the West? How about the story of "The Palm oil girl" from Nigeria? Hell, there ARE fairytales from other countries that are like European fairytales in some aspect, but are clearly from a different country and culture. Yet people always rigidly stick to the European telling of these stories. The Vietnamese story "The Tale of Tấm and Cám" is a story that shares a lot of similarities with Cinderella, but is in its essence Vietnamese. You can find so many cool fairytales, and focusing on even just a few of them could kickstart a persons journey to exploring more cultures.

I don't believe in the "Western burden" to tell the tales of other cultures, many can do that on their own. But I also believe that it always felt like a serious case of pussy footing and cowardice not to just straight up do POC fairytales to begin with. Come on, be the first log for a fire to create the pyre.

--

[kesbeacon]

Reading your sock post, I realized you might just be the person to ask a question that a friend posted on FB: a knitting worldbuilding question!

In A Tale of Two Cities, Madame DeFarge knits the names of targets for the guillotine into her work. What was her coding scheme? The friend speculated that Dickens had met Charles Babbage at some point and was doing something with binary. After poking around a bit on the internet, I decided Dickens made it up, not knowing anything about knitting.

I did find schemes for encoding messages in two dimensions, possibly using colors. But such a scheme seems unlikely to encompass 26 letters and 5 accents in a way that can quickly encode a name (since there was a fair bit of volume to keep up with at the time).

What do you think? Is there a plausible scheme today? And would such a scheme have a chance of being available at the close of the 18th century?

So, I'm not an expert on this either! But I'll give it a go.

The first thing I remembered was that this has been done, albeit long after Dickens' day. I have seen videos and posts in which people talk about knitting as spycraft during the world wars. The challenge I then had was 'is this all just a giant game of internet telephone?'

And, my friend, this led me down a rabbit hole. I’ll get to your question in a bit, I just need to go on a detour about checking your sources. Because most of what I could find online was from sites with names like ilikeknitting500 dot com or girlbosshistory dot net (not real examples), all with the same vague story – in Belgium, the resistance would have people sitting by trainyards knitting, and they would drop a stitch for one kind of train, and purl for another, and so on and so forth. As a result, the government banned exporting knitting patterns! But they can’t even agree on what world war it was or which government banned it.

So where does this claim come from?

It took me a little while to find real articles with sources. What I eventually came away with was an Atlas Obscura article that has citations. One citation was a book I can't access by someone who, while I can't find any evidence she's a historian herself, has been endorsed by at least a couple. The link did give me an excerpt about a woman who would use her knitting to cover for tapping information about troop movements in code to her children below, who would write it instead of doing their schoolwork. In a similar vein, I could find information on people who used knitting to hide their spy work, as in the case of Phyllis Latour.

The other relevant citation was to a journal article in a (student-run, admittedly, but in some fields this isn't abnormal) peer-reviewed Open Access journal by an Jacqueline Witkowski, who is now an Associate Professor of Art, even if she wasn't then. This was the best of the bunch, because this cited a BBC Radio 4 program on the history of MI6. I thought this was going to be the end of the road for me, but then I realised you don’t need a TV licence to listen to the radio and that I do have a BBC account, so I logged in and listened to it and – bingo.

Alan Judd, a writer and ‘former soldier and diplomat’ according to Wikipedia, is the biographer of Mansfield Cumming, the original head of MI6, and he tells us about Belgian professionals recruiting little old ladies to go sit by train stations and knit, with the dropped and purled stitches. (He mentions nothing about banning sending knitting patterns.) Crucially, this is definitely during the First World War. I can’t access the book (and certainly can’t be bothered), but I would call this reasonably credible – it’s not as good as something from an actual archive, and I don’t automatically trust the BBC, but this radio series seems serious and also has the involvement of Actual MI6. So I think this is about as good as I’m going to get in a single evening.

We still don’t have the other half of the claim, the censorship. Witkowski says, “This [...] led to the Office of Censorship’s ban on posted knitting patterns in the Second World War, in case they contained coded messages.” There is a citation. But the citation is a Telegraph column by people involved in QI. QI, or Quite Interesting, is a British comedy panel show that I would place in the ‘edutainment’ category – it is an endless source of weird little facts, some of which are even true. Wikipedia has a section on mistakes and fact correction, and I can tell you from having watched the programme that it is usually correct on a surface level, but if you know anything about the relevant topic you’ll immediately start going ‘well, it’s actually more complicated than that…’

The QI column says, “During the Second World War the Office of Censorship banned people from posting knitting patterns abroad in case they contained coded messages,” and gives no sources. On historyhub.history.gov, someone has asked if there are any primary sources for this claim. Textual Reference Archives II Branch (RR2RA) replies that ‘some articles specify that this was a practice by the British government, whereas others attribute it to the United States,’ and gives the asker links to the records of the American Office of Censorship, and where they can learn more about British censorship. There are no more replies. I would hazard a guess that QI meant the Americans; UK censorship was handled by the Ministry of Information, which is common knowledge here and not something they would fuck up.

I originally was going to wash my hands of it, but then I thought… just one primary source? Just try? So I looked at a US government printout of their censorship regulations from 1943. No mention of knitting patterns, but all printed matter is banned for export to Europe, which would presumably encompass commercial knitting patterns by default.

So that’s that tangent, I wrote, thinking this was over. Because Charles Dickens died in 1870 and published ToTC in 1859, long before ANY of this happened! Also, Madame DeFarge’s code is far more sophisticated than any of this stuff. So let’s get back on track.

Your friend is not the only person to have speculated on the Babbage connection – Paul Curzon of Queen Mary University London also raises the possibility that Dickens was thinking of Babbage and Lovelace’s work –

Wait. Is that… I thought I’d escaped my tangent! But Curzon has dragged me back in! He adds an interesting note at the end of the article, though he doesn’t cite it - “In the Second World War, the United States censors held on to a letter that contained a knitting pattern so they could knit the jumper in case it did contain a message. Ultimately they banned people from posting knitting patterns overseas at all (along with playing chess by post) in case people were hiding messages in them.” I wish he’d cited it, but this is at least a real academic – a little more credible than QI! I hoped that this would be the source of the QI claim, but unfortunately I think it post-dates the QI article – it’s hard to tell. But QI could easily have got hold of that censorship decision.

YANKS SELF BACK WITH THE BIG HOOK.

Dickens was, in short, probably making an almost science-fictional prediction. He moved in the Babbage/Lovelace circle and would have known about their work. What Curzon does not say is that this is also the age of Morse code, which came into use in the 1840s, and the beginning of Boolean algebra! It’s easy to imagine him taking these ideas, along with any knitting knowledge he may have had, and coming up with the concept. Madame DeFarge is ahead of her time, but not too far ahead of Dickens's.

Now, I’m not a Dickens scholar, but I happen to be friends with someone who is and is also a knitter. So I’ve asked her if he might’ve known diddly squat about knitting, and we’ll see what she says.

…

How might it have worked? Well, knitting is versatile. You can, for instance, knit Doom. But Doom is already binary, because we have established systems of binary coding. DeFarge does not, and it wouldn’t be intuitive to convert these into names, especially before Boolean algebra. She might’ve had a Morse code-like framework. Morse code isn’t actually binary – it’s sort of trinary, because you need to space the letters. This isn’t necessarily a problem; you can use a yarnover (followed by knitting/purling two together, obv) to separate the letters, with, say, knit being dot and purl being dash. If you’re experienced, you might be able to read it as fabric, but it would be easiest to read it back in reverse as you unravel it.

Knitting this would likely be pretty quick. She can’t be using actual Morse code for the very simple reason that she pre-dates Mr Morse, and I also don’t know how actual Morse code handles French diacritics, but it took me, a person who has never done this before and doesn't understand Morse and had to make some modifications on the fly, about quarter of an hour to knit the Morse code alphabet (minus Z bc I reached the end of a row and got bored). It would be easier if you were using colours; you could have one colour for dot, one for dash, and use purl stitches to mark the ends of words. I cba to do that right now though.

In summary, clearly Madame DeFarge is an extremely adept code-maker of a kind that is… easier to have in fiction than in real life. She's ahead of her time and in some ways ahead of twentieth-century spycraft, but not implausibly ahead of Dickens's. And I’m a fucking nerd.

And @ the internet at large, generalised-you should check your fucking sources.

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Sam, Interrupted

Welcome to “Dean’s Love of Pudding Knows No Mental Health Bounds: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

Up today, s5e11: Sam, Interrupted.

An old hunter friend, who is suffering from hunting PTSD and currently resides in a mental hospital, calls the boys in to investigate a string of weird deaths in the joint. In order to gain full access, Sam and Dean decide to get themselves admitted (it’s not hard; they just tell the truth about their lives). As they try to track down the monster preying on the patients, they both start having their own mental breakdowns. Turns out it's because the monster can turn you crazy with a single touch, and she likes the taste of crazy brain juice best. Ew. After a couple of red herrings, the boys figure out that it’s the nurse from the beginning of the episode who’s the monster in disguise, and they have to fight her while hopped up on her crazy-making toxins. They win out in the end, though, of course, and then have a brotherly heart-to-heart (as much as Winchesters can do so) over the hood of Baby at the end.

Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

Lor:

gonna feed this psychiatrist to the monster

ooo, he's serious, you can tell because he took off his glasses

 Mace: 

HAHAHA YES

welp, that’s not how you do that, but okay

 Lor: 

LOL

DOCTOR BABAR

 Mace: 

HAHAHAHA

 Lor: 

"I don't have any elephant books"

DEAN

 Mace: 

HAHAHAHA

I LOVE that he just… tells the truth

 Lor: 

"probably bc I started the apocalypse"

YES

it's so good

"and this one angel"

 Mace: 

one of my top 5 favorite tropes: tell the truth freely because you know no one will believe you

 Lor: 

YESYES

"no no, his name's Castiel. he wears a trench coat"

 Mace: 

super Plautine and super awesome

HAHAHAHA

 Lor: 

and then Dean comes in with "I wish he'd let this guilt go it wasn't HIS fault"

NOT HOW THIS WORKS

 Mace: 

YAS

omg SAM KEEP YOUR PANTS ON

 Lor: 

RIGHT?

nnngggg v-neck tshirts

 Mace: 

YAS

 Lor: 

oh, Sammy, honey. maybe he's talking to someone else

 Mace: 

“watch me” DEAN WINCHESTER

 Lor: 

YAAAAS

yep, Martin, those are indeed some of the possibilities

if they have had 5 suicides they should be SHUT DOWN

 Mace: 

he’s adorable

YUP

god, they look so snuggly in those robes

 Lor: 

RIGHT?

 Mace: 

omg Dean looks LOST

 Lor: 

travesty that we didn't get to see them in jimjams more often

HE DOES

 Mace: 

YES

 Lor: 

this is the only thing this doctor gets right, their codependence

 Mace: 

AGREED

 Lor: 

omg I seriously want to kick him in the shins

 Mace: 

SAME

 Lor: 

I COULD RUN GROUP BETTER THAN HIM

 Mace: 

HAHAHA

 Lor: 

Dean Winchester is the least narcissistic person in the history of time

 Mace: 

omg the hannibal reference DEAN

   Lor: 

"I gotta sleep sometime so somewhere in the mid50s" oh honey

I LOVE how he answers her and then shoots a question right back

 Mace: 

YES

 Lor: 

omg his dumb hands in his dumb pockets

YES

 Mace: 

she’s being WAY too flirty to be even remotely professional

 Lor: 

yeeeeah

 Mace: 

YES

 Lor: 

"thraped" DEAN

 Mace: 

DEAN SHE IS MENTALLY UNSTABLE LEAVE HER BE

 Lor: 

"you CANNOT hit that" listen to your brother, Dean. you know you would feel like crap after

 Mace: 

YEP

 Lor: 

OMG THOSE TSHIRTS

 Mace: 

WHITE TSHIRTS OMG

 Lor: 

is a puddle

THEIR ARMS

 Mace: 

their ARMS FUUUCK

 Mace: 

HAHAHAHA

 Lor: 

OMG DUDE I LOVE US

 Mace: 

YES

oh ewewewewew

 Lor: 

GROSS

omg Dean's little "I'm not doing nothin" pose

 Mace: 

JEsus, Sam GROSS 

YES

 Lor: 

SUPRASTERNAL NOTCH MY BELOVED

PUDDING

 Mace: 

YESYESYES

 Lor: 

"crazy works" oh jeez

they're voluntarily committed, so they should be able to call Bobby

 Lor: 

grumbles in was married to a psychiatrist

 Mace: 

SNORK

 Lor: 

it makes me NUTS

 Mace: 

maybe they’re avoiding it because they know he’d yell at them for committing themselves just for a case

pun intended?

 Lor: 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes, yes, of course, definitely on purpose

HA! he sure would

"whole wide world of sports"

 Mace: 

oh, Dean, honey

 Lor: 

RIGHT?

but again, telling the truth. he's NOT WRONG holds him

 Mace: 

yep

 Lor: 

"it's a good question." HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO RETIRE WITH CAS AT A LAKEHOUSE

 Mace: 

YEP

hey now look you crazy bitch

 Mace: 

“he’s larger” omg

 Lor: 

"he's larger" haaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha

"you've had worse" DEAN

 Mace: 

interesting that Dean goes all huddly in the corner and Sammy gets violent

 Lor: 

ooooooh

it IS

"you look like hell, boy"

 Mace: 

YES

“crazy’s the clue”

 Lor: 

YEP

 Mace: 

“WHAT WHERE?!” HAHAHAHA

 Lor: 

HAAAAAHAHAHA

JENSEN the insanity and then the humor

 Mace: 

YESYESYES

 Mace: 

he is SO GOOD

 Lor: 

ten bucks says the not stepping on the cracks business was Jensen's idea

 Mace: 

HA

 Lor: 

it just feels like actor bit of business rather than writing to me

 Mace: 

yeah

 Lor: 

gotta do it scared, DeanDean

 Mace: 

YEP

you KNOW John made him kill monsters scared when he was little, so it’s not like he hasn’t done it before

 Lor: 

poor Sam. he ends up in this position an awful lot

YEP

 Mace: 

sigh

 Lor: 

"kinda made you easy to spot"

 Mace: 

HAHA

he’s not crazy, hag

she sure makes a big show of sticking her spiky thing out

 Lor: 

EW

HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 Mace: 

um, those doors would be locked, no?

 Lor: 

well SOME door should have been locked. maybe not the exit doors, but

 Mace: 

oh, healthy advice, Dean. JFC

Sammy just needs a healthy… outlet.

I could help him there.

 Lor: 

RIGHT? but it's like part of the tragedy of them, right? they kind of DO have to just keep going

HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 Mace: 

well sure, but they could telehealth some therapy too

 Lor:

LOL

Cas should have made them go. all like, "I have been researching human mental health, and I am... concerned. Dean. Do you ever engage in "self-care.""

Mace:

HAHAHAHA YES

[survivalist-anon]

Log 13: Concerning Wolves

Sitting in Jame's office is a strange mix between having a candid conversation with an older friend and being in trouble I'm the principal's office.

"Young lady, I trust you know that you're about to embark on a rather tumultuous experience right?", his drawl was a bit more serious than usual. "This ain't like the movies where you know how things will turn out either.....things can go so far down south right into hell now that the Astartes are involved."

Remembering what had happened the night before, the circumstances of Grandpa's murder, and what I've seen, I had no excuses to ignore the dangers. "Yeah, I can see...... listen if it's about Jeff....and Fjord tossing the patrol car, he was trying to protect me. I didn't ask him to throw the car at Jeff a-", Jame's eyebrows arched up.

"He did what?", apparently he hadn't been told about that.

"Fuk. Well anyway....Jeff pulled his gun on me thinking I was someone trying to attack on him or something and Fjord reacted to protect. He was just doing his duty.", I could tell James was already going to reiterate the responsibility. A heavy sigh slide through his lips once more.

"It's ok, however Fjord's going to have to be kept on a tight leash and control himself around folks or he's gonna have to stay home. Do you understand me?", his tone felt like there was something else underneath.

"Ok...I understand sir....also....how....long you've known about all of this?", I ask only of curiosity...if he wasn't willing to tell me than that fine too.

James relaxed his seriousness and mellowed abit, taking out a photo album. "They've been here far longer than I have kid, in fact Aldercon was my great grandfather's Astartes. Way back when folks had come here for free land. He told me that Aldercon had come from the sky, landed squarely in the heart of the Wyoming wilderness. He was shellshocked, covered head to toe in blood and dirt....I remember stories of my grandfather and Aldercon, as wild as the tales of Paul Bunyan and Babe. The two had become folk legends out in the ol' West."

He opened the book to show me the first page, it was a collection of aged, photos from the late 1800's. One of the pictures was of Jame's grandfather, he really did come from an American lineage of cowboys. He was far more rugged than James however... I glanced at the tall, stockier man in a much more humble looking uniform, same black fist on his pauldron too. "Holy shit, this can't be him...for one he's smiling, and second, I thought -", I could see James giving me a look that said 'but you didn't '.

I could see a tiny difference between him from this photo and now. I can tell his hair was darker, I can definitely see that thousand yard stare of a man who's seen war, and his armor was slightly different from the Marines back at the fort.

James turned the page, this was one was a genuine surprise. "Even your great grandfather, had one.", next to him was a man fresh off the boat from Eastern Europe, my Great grandfather, dad for some reason or another was reluctant to tell me his real name...he kept calling him "Big George", after the Butcher Boy George from Hungarian folk lore. Then right next to him, probably helped bag a rather ominous looking bear, was Sten. That white stripe on his head wasn't present, he didn't change as much as Aldercon. This picture was even more older than James's granddad's photo.

"You see Lorey, they've been around for a while now....lord knows for how long though.". He began to reminisce about the past.

The implications of these Marines having been around is giving my inner history buff a massive concern. "Well....it would be extremely stupid to try to bargain the fact I thought they joking, but I'm starting to see...I take it this will be more complicated?".

He looks up at me, "Yes ... because just like with basic folks like us, there are bad folks....that big black one your grandpa wasn't lucky with....is one of them...there seems to be at least five or so kinds out there based on my sources.....one of them is out there right now reeking havoc near highly populated campsites..... Aldercon told me Sten and Toke will be in disposed of for the next week.... meanwhile have Fjord keep a sharp nose out for that one...it's the fastest I've seen of these ones....I'm not too familiar with the either...so I'm giving you a very special assignment. I need you to put your research training to go use."

He handed me a small leather bound journal.

"Keep track of them, now....let's go have some grub.", he gets up from his chair and pats my shoulder.

I sat there feeling something complex in me, I'm....going to catalog them? I open the journal and I SWEAR James has been screwing with me at least to this point....this journal aestheticly looked a DnD character sheet of it focused on identifying and profiling. I place it in my inner jacket pocket. "What the shit....", I still wasn't too sure of my role in all of this....I could understand why now.

I'm just part of a lineage of....marine handlers? I don't know.....

As I leave the room, I see the Fjord was getting a lesson in paper football from one of the volunteers.

James takes the desk bell and rings it to call the attention of everyone in the center. "Ladies, Gentlemen and folks. I would like to make an announcement, as of now. Be on high alert for any unusual activity. Anything and everything in regards to disappearances of livestock and or people, property damage of unexplained or unusual nature, and any purported sightings of creatures of unknown origin...I.e...NOT BIG FOOT.... We'll have to be reported to me, Lorey and Ronnie for the time being.

I figured Ronnie also got the information, I look at him and he was a little more on edge than I was.

Fjord, definitely knew what this whole deal was about.

With a ringing of the doorbell to the nursery, Shelly has brought in some new little guests.

"Oh guys come and see! The babies are opening their eyes!", Shelly, Ronnie and I have been researching the local wolf packs in the area and monitoring their behavior. One of the females under our care have recently gave birth a few days ago.

I check in the box as Shelly laid it on the table, 5 beautiful cubs. In their state, they're roughly two to three weeks old. As helpless as human babies. "Fjord, would you like to see them?"

He was a little curious, he walked over to see the five cubs. ".... they're so....small.... they're...just wee little things...".

I could see he was trying to piece together something....not certain what, but from my perspective he was wonder struck.

As the cubs peeped and whimpered, as all cubs do, one has just opened it's eyes. Showing a pair of smokey blue irises. Than, Fjord did something I wasn't expecting him to do. He gently placed his hand next to one of the cubs. "... interesting...."

"Oh careful please, they're fragile little ones.", Shelly had all the right to worry. These may have been wild animals, but even young wild animals need to be treated carefully.

His finger alone dwarfed the cub, he was so still and so focused. By this point I completely lost in what could he be possibly thinking. A little cub wiggled right on top of his finger, using it as a heated pillow.

Fjord, let out a soft but eerily convincing howl, low enough that it could be considered an indoor voice, but it was very real. All the cubs let out their first howls, right there, all with varying skill and ability. But every single one had howled for the first time in their lives.

The room was quite, understandably, this was extremely weird for everyone.

Anderson decided to break the moment, "ugh...yeah I'd like to report something.".

"Anderson hush.", James to the rescue. "Fjord seems to understand these pups pretty well.

Shelly was mesmerized, "Oh my gosh, they all just did that at the same time. In all my years here, I have never seen something so amazing before."

I kept looking at Fjord, if I could read minds, this would be a great time to use it.

After a few hours of everyone enjoying their food, drink and few games. I sat with Fjord in the back of the room.

I sipped the last of my ginger ale, I still couldn't get his expression out of my mind. "Fjord. That thing you did with the howl ....can...you explain that to me?"

He sat there, lips wrapped around a rib bone. "Oh, that....it just...why are yeh wolves so small? I mean, I seen some out there in the forest and yonder ....I'm use to the wolves back home. Ferocious and mighty beasts, equivalent to Astartes! Strong enough to bare us and ride into battle. The cubs from thosd wolves are just a wee bit smaller than your fully grown ones. They're born with their teeth already out. These ones.... they're.... just wee bairns...".

I still didn't really get it. "Ugh, you mean...you're confused on why they're small.....?", I ask.

He takes out the bone from his mouth, "I mean....why do they remind me of mortal children? Small, helpless.... fragile...".

The tone he took had felt familiar, it was the same tone I used when my expectations would be challenged. "Wait...are you telling me you're disappointed by our wolves?", I satirically question him.

"No lass, it's just.....they remind me of....well....me... before I became an Astartes. The wee one ....it had blue eyes....I ....use to have the same eyes.", that last comment took me a little to figure out he was actually feeling.

It was self reflection. I just gave this guy a massive 'thing' to think about.

"well, all wolf pups have blue eyes when they're born, than as they grow, they change colors... mostly to yellow, amber or green.", looked to the room watching everyone enjoying themselves.

I suddenly felt him gently pull the side of my jaw, making me face him directly.

"Interesting....you have green eyes.", he bluntly stated.

I could feel my heart pounding by this point, we just both intensely looked into each other's eyes. I didn't know what it was, but something about the way he kept looking at me, just burning into my soul, felt strange...yet I liked it...it wasn't human either....

"ugh....this feels a little bit....um.", I didn't want to be mean about the situation by calling it 'cheesy' or 'corny'.

"----Hey you guys want t-", Jonas broke the tension for the both of us. "oooooh you two were?", she gave a cheeky grin.

"Jonas! You scared me.", again I had no idea what to say but hey it was something.

Fjord snapped out of his stare and looked to Jonas, "oh hey lass, to do what?"

Jonas chuckled a little, "it's almost time to close up the station and let the night crew in. We're heading down to the bar tonight actually. Why don't you bring your kegs too, Franky doesn't mind it."

I had completely forgotten about those two kegs, if Fjord sticks to the. He could save me a little of money.

"Ah I could use a drink, I've been parched for some for a little while lass.", he looks to me as a way of asking for approval by this point.

"ok fine.", I lean in to whisper in his ear. "Please behave yourself, Aldercon's orders."

He looks at me was a smoldering look, leans into my ear, "I'll do my best.".

I have no idea why, but the way he whispered into my ear shot the best feeling in the pit of my being.

End of log 13

@kit-williams @barn-anon @egrets-not-regrets

@gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @walking-natural-disaster

@squishyowl

@starfrost740

[a-lone-echoviolet]

Ok i was gonna finish this before posting any info but no one knows me enough and i dont have free time rn

Plus i really wanna talk about thiss

So i have an AU im working on called ‘Booktale’ (original wow)

I have a story planned out, character info and stuff but school and exhaustion keeps getting in the way

So instead of letting it collect dust like i normally let it do, imma show you guys some stuff about it!

Character designs and some general info! (that i was able to sketch out)✨

Here are the ones ive sketched out! I havent gotten to asgore , gaster or muffet yet tho :((

-Asterisk (frisk)

- ambrovert

- Gender fluid

- Soul is perseverance

- Best friends with chara

- Reads: fairlytales,mythical books,urban legends,and adventure books

-Character (chara)

- Introverted

- Gender fluid

- Soul was determination

- Best friends with frisk

- Their soul was put in a container before breaking completely

- Their determination was strong enough to keep them as a ghost that is stuck underground, only able to observe everyone go by with their lives without them

- Mostly a guide for frisk

-Symbolism(Flowey)

- Flowey is an Anemone flower, it symbolizes death

- Reads: ######s older logs, history(doesn’t read often)

- Knows about the multiverse theory but is unsure if it’s true

- Hes great at acting all sweet and nice

-Moral(Asriel)

- Extroverted

- Reads: kids books, fairytales, art books

- Always wanted to be a hero

-Exposition(toriel)

- Loves to cook and bake

- Favorite thing to bake: pies and cupcakes

- When exiting the ruins, instead of wanting to force you stay, she will test if you truly are strong enough to leave, to be on your own, and basically teaches you how to actually fight

- Despite being so kind and motherly <3 she can put up a good fight [if she needs to]

-Script(sans)

- ambrovert (hes ok with talking with everyone, but he is a bit ackward when making friends [mainly cuz hes both kinda excited and shy to meet people and doesn’t know what to say)

- Reads: science books, jokes books, ######’s old log books, fansty books (almost every type but mostly reads these types)

- Spars with papyrus, to both help paps train and to let sans get out of the house and use his magic more

- Works in the library

- Not as lazy as OG, rather is just more layed back and is actually willing to do physical work

- Makes puns and jokes but his favorite ones are definitely the ones about magic (and dark humor)

- Best friends with alphys

- He helps alphys in her work (and before, also ######)

- Knows about the multiverse and wants to travel through and know the different versions of him and others, and all the stories that are different from his

Plot (papyrus)

- Extrovert

- Reads: cook books, action books, Fantasy books and puzzelbooks

- despite sans not being as lazy as Classic, papyrus is more responsible in this AU

- Hes part of the royal gaurd! Being 2nd in command

- he acts before he really thinks, it has its pros and cons, being able to react fast to save anyone in danger

- Hes a great cook! and does cooking hang outs with undyne(undyne adding the fun and action while papyrus makes sure its edible and tastes good)

- His favorite thing to cook is lasagna

- He’s already quite popular and loved but it doesn’t matter so much to him, the love from his friends and bro are enough (tho he does love the attention)

-ellipsis (alphys)

- Shy ambrovert(shes ok with talking to a big public crowd, but talking one-on-one/ face-to-face, She gets real shy)

- She seems shy at first, but once you get to know her, she’s quite a chatterbox

- She knows how to be calm, collected, serious and calculated when needed

- She used to be friends with ######, because they used to be Co-workers (‘But who is ######? Ive always worked alone’)

- Reads: Manga, Romance novels, Science books, and ######’s old logs(for research)

-conflict(undyne)

- Ambrovert

- Leader of the royal guard

- She’s great at healing physical wounds and serious physical damages

- She’s a real smack talker (she can practically roast anyone if she so pleased)

- Even tho she’s good at trash talking, she’s just great with words in general( whether it be advice or confessingherfeelings)

- hiatus(napstablook)

- shy introvert

- He is a writer

- He never finishes any of his books (but he always leaves the end of every chapter open ended

- He enjoys writing angst and ventish books

- He’s anonymous online and no one knows him in real life

- He’s a well know and loved author (even if his books are unfinished)

Typewriter (mettaton)

- Genderfluid

- Extrovert

- Is a host of a talk show/interview show/drama show (they also are a news anchor)

- Their very protective over anyone close (especially alphys) and it takes a while to truly get on their good side

- They can be quite pushy when it comes to questions, even when the person seems uncomfortable (however they do back down after they’ve realized they pushed to far)

- You can catch them snooping around the lab for some ‘secrets’ (tho he could never find anything serious, just alphys’s anime collection of anime)

- He isn’t mean but he is quite cocky

(The ones I haven’t Designed yet)

-Rhyme (Muffet)

- Shy extrovert

- Mute by choice (tho whenever she does talk, she often rhymes)

- Reads: baking books, Anything with fluff, romance, fantasy, and horror

- She knows ASL

- Very sweet and friendly. however, can be hostile if you hurt spiders, her pet, anyone who is defenceless, or when needed

-ɱɪșșɪɳɠ fɪʟɝ(ɠɐȘ┳ɵʁ)

- extrovert

- A very smart guy with a great sense of humor (hes the one who got sans into puns)

- He knows ASL

- He used to be great friends with Asgore (and tori),Sans and alphys

- He isn’t a skeleton, he is actually more of blob of matter

- He can shape shift, however he cannot change his head or hands and he can’t change colors (so he stays white and black)

- Before he entered the Void, he took the shape of a tall slender human. Some mistook him for a skeleton because of his human like shape and white form. Tho when he entered the void it became harder to hold any shape other than a blob

-Resolution (king asgore)

*(i havent made any info on him just yet :(( )

[rainyfestivalsweets]

Book Review: The Binge code

So I am mid read on this book, and I thought I would like to share a little because I am sick. I need a pleasant distraction from work today. But, I'm on my lunch break and so fear not, I am logged out.

The Binge Code by Allison C Kerr. " 7 unconventional keys to end and binge eating and lose excess weight."

Part 2 is where you break free from the binge traps so I am going to start there, although she didn't.

What are the binge traps? Although the book does go into detail, I will list them off here very quickly for you.

The diet trap

the yo yo blood sugar trap.

The nutritional deficiency trap

The habit trap

The food rules trap

The false friend trap

The inner critic trap.

So I am through about half of those and I would have to say that this book is worth a read, especially if you feel like this is an issue for you, or especially if you have been dieting for a while.

The one thing that has been most glaringly obvious to me is I've been on this weight loss journey for a couple of years now is the first 3:

The diet trap is that "diets" are short-term, restrictive things that we embark on when we feel like we need to lose weight. We ignore hunger pangs because we are trying to change our eating style, and that blunts our normal hunger cues.

The yoyo thing is where your blood sugar is all over the place.

The nutritional deficiency trap is where you aren't getting the proper nutrients, which makes your body keep asking for food, even if you have already eaten because it doesn't have the right combonation of stuff.

I can understand how these are traps. Yet, I also consider myself to be "dieting," so how do I do I make this congruent to myself?

I have read a lot at this point, and I am working on a full view perspective.

I know from my behavioral science class that your body is also going to ask for food whenever it sees food. Literally, it is how we are made because never ever has food and food like products been so abundant.

You have to know that is happening in your body to make a reasonable decision for where YOU are in your day, journey, etc. Ask yourself: When was the last time you ate? What was it? A junky snack or a real substantial meal? Do you need a meal? What is being offered?

This is a very nuanced topic, which is why a lot of people deal with it and why so many people are overweight.

Alright.

Why do we have such an obesity epidemic?

People are positing as scientific fact that dieting causes people to overeat. It does certainly cause certain psychological things that happen. Most diets use some kind of tool to cause a calorie deficit. One way or another a diets whole goal is to cause a deficit so that you lose weight.

If the diet is super restrictive in some way, it can cause us to have hangups or to hyperfocus on what we are missing. Basically, it is reverse psychology.

The real key is to develop a lifestyle that is balanced enough that we can avoid those traps.

Part of the key might be to just utilize your common sense. If you are getting serious binge urges, you may need to ask yourself if it is valid. Is your body just really asking for food/fuel?

If so, plan and prepare a well-balanced, reasonably protioned meal with proteins, carbs, veggies, and fats. Eat it and wait an hour. How do you feel now?

If you feel like you are hitting the blood sugar trap, up your protein and cut the junk in half, and add a veggie to everything.

Although I consider myself to be "dieting," I am working towards building a lifestyle that will be sustainable over time. I don't want to rebound and pack on the pounds after giving away all my fat clothes.

Ultimately, your lifestyle will be who you become. Which I think is why I am trying to focus on habits over time that are easy to remember and habituate. Mile Monday, 5k Friday, Sunday Bike club. Races & activities.

I am always focusing on overcoming my particular hurdles so that my lifestyle will be in balance. Activity and rest. Sports and Academic. Food and fasting, in balance.

[imaseawitch]

Supremely disappointed in the Demeter movie. Spoilers ensue!

Let's start with what I liked:

I'm glad they decided to make Drac a hideous freak because at least he was interesting to look at. They showed him a lot (too much?) so thank goodness he was cool. You could maybe even play it off within book rules by saying that Dracula takes many forms, and if he wasn't worried about appearing as a man to fool others into entering legal trade of real estate/cargo transportation services with him, maybe he was appearing as this freaky gargoyle version because he just could.

The chef character was at least kinda compelling and I liked the storyline of him taking out one dude so he could steal a rowboat and try to escape, only for Drac to find him, kill him, and bring the empty boat back to the Demeter - ominously! If they'd played into the dramatic irony and played closer to the book story, it still would have fit and worked well.

Which is a great transition into what I did not like.

Firstly, they should have leaned a lot heavier into the dramatic irony. We as an audience know we're in for a Dracula movie...but the characters do and should not! They could have showed Dracula (in his freak ass form) taking out these dudes one by one, but the characters of the story? All they see is blood on the deck, and another man missing. You can draw out the characters and the story by making them decide how to react to the mystery and if/how to plot against each other.

If you read the subtext of the book, then you can maybe infer that the first mate has heard of Dracula, but you don't really know. None of the crew know of him. So you could have made it so some were skeptical, some were convinced it was supernatural, others are convinced it's some sort of religious punishment (the chef character story fits in), and they split into factions. So you're getting tense, charged moments between characters, but meanwhile you're also getting the horror porn satisfaction of scenes of Drac taking out each crewman (maybe overlaid, cut by cut...I can just imagine the cinnamontopography...

They showed Dracula to the other characters too soon. Characters knew it was a creepy being amongst them too soon. The horror lies in the wonder: is it a monster? Or is a man amongst us a monster?

They honestly could have added the dog and the boy and the doctor and maybe even the lady and still made the book story work. The lady didn't need to know about Dracula though. She could have been just an actual stowaway; easily Dracula's first victim, due to her proximity, and desire to remain hidden from the other crewmates. But somehow, Dracula is interrupted before he can drain her. Maybe by the dog, who barks and raises the alarm? But then the crew thinks the dog was just alerting them about the stowaway, not the monster. You could have had a whole scene where the captain promises the invented ship's doctor character about how he won't record her in the log, because maybe she has some troubled past she's escaping from. Then it's like an explanation as to why she isn't in the book, but it fits the story anyway. Some of the crewmates can blame her for the disappearances: whether it's bad luck because she's a lady, or maybe she is really a murderer, or maybe she's secretly working for Dracula! It all plays into the drama, and even the viewers don't know if she's working for Drac or not because she wasn't there in the novel.

The first mate should have been the one who vaguely knew the story of Dracula. Maybe he grew up just outside of Dracula's reach, but heard stories of village children going missing closer to the mountains. He's in denial at first: he's a skeptic, and he refuses to believe that this old wives' tale is actually responsible for something as serious as his actual crew's lives. But as the evidence becomes more and more clear that it really is Dracula, he doubts his sanity until, until! It's just him and the captain left. In his madness, he refuses to stay within the lantern light by the captain. Instead, he goes below deck and tears open the crates one by one. Dracula, sated with the blood of the rest of the crew, only smiles at him.

Here's where you get the real good shot of Dracula looking like a real nasty little bitch, all creepy and shit. You have only gotten glimpses so far, quick shots almost as though they're from the perspective of a crewmate getting hunted. But now, the first mate sees him, chin still blood-stained (maybe the last person Drac killed was the little boy and the body is missing, but the first mate walks into him sucking that son down like a capri sun) and the first mate comes out from below deck, hollering about true evil and throws himself off the side, just like in the book.

The captain refuses to go below deck, believing the first mate killed the others, including the boy, so he lashed himself to the wheel...until Drac comes for him too! He's out, awake constantly, through bitter night and blaring sun, so even he isn't sure when he finally sees Drac. But he does, and he records it. And just as he sees land, we get a nice gorey scene where Drac takes out the captain.

Cut to the ship landing at Whitby. At the very beginning of the movie, it started with the gathered townsfolk trying to explore the ship. For the last bits, maybe you get some scenes of them gathering together to see this weird ship (Mina and Lucy cameo???) But at the very end, all you get is the ships crashing near the docks (big gasp from the gathered townsfolk) and the dog jumps off and runs away. We end with a shot of this dog coming right at you as it jumps off the ship.

Anyway, I still have more critiques.

There were just too many people alive at the last bit. I think the tension builds when slowly you're left with 4, then 3, then 2, then only 1 person to man a full sized sailboat. Part of the horror is being alone at sea! Not just that people are dying, but you're being left without them in a perilous situation.

They also chose to show other people get infected with vampirism (which I don't like because you can't become a vampire unless you drink the blood of a vampire, but fine they can just change the rules. I don't like it but that's maybe a me problem.), and subsequently those bitten die when exposed to sunlight. So why didn't the crew just all nap on deck during the day (with shifts) and kept watch all together overnight? To me it's so obvious that it becomes a plot hole.

[fictitious-fluff]

This was written in 2021. (Old Fic) Just posting it to log my progress as a fic writer

-

The One and Only

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings are in the tags

Masterpost

Logan had never ever understood how tickling worked. Of course he knew how it worked, study wise, but he never got to experience it before. The others had tried to tickle him before but it was useless. Logan figured it was because he was more of the logical side, thus he wouldn't be able to feel these sort of things. Though, he could feel pain, like when he gets paper cuts. However, Patton wasn't buying it, everyone had to be ticklish... Right? At least one spot, just one! He had never seen Logan's real laugh or smile. Only a smirk or two, that's all. He was determined to see a real grin from Logan. This resulted in random sneak attacks from Patton, trying to find a spot. But as expected, no reaction..nothing. Day by day Patton was loosing hope but he still wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Popcorns' ready!" Roman shouted as he walked over to give a princey bow to everyone, giving them their popcorn in the process.

Logan and Virgil rolled their eyes as they took the popcorn. Roman then plopped himself next to Patton and Virgil, joining all 3 of them in watching Frozen 2. Logan however, wasn't watching the movie as usual. Instead, he was reading a book about the movie. At the scene where Elsa's mother was singing "All is found", Patton jumped out of excitement because kid Elsa and Anna were just too cute! In the process Patton's arms brushed ever so slightly against Logan's arm (the part between the inner elbow and your hand). This made Logan jerk ever so slightly, but enough for Patton to realise it. Logan was fully aware what just happened from everything he had known about tickling. This made Logan's heart race. He didn't want to be squirming or making a fool of himself in front of Patton, let alone the others! He had seen how it affected the rest before and he knew he had a reputation to keep up. A usually formal and serious person giggling? No way. He couldn't allow that to happen. However something about that light sensation felt oddly nice.

"What was that kiddo?" Patton questioned, his eyes glistening with excitement.

"Nothing Patton, just hit an exciting page. That's all. " Logan stated while having the same look, while in reality he was freaking out yet weirdly excited too.

Virgil turned and smirked, "You sure teach? I have a lot of experience when it comes to recognising people getting anxious. You seem pretty anxious to me right now"

"Stormcloud's right Logan, I can see that grip getting tighter on that book." Roman added, also smirking.

For once Logan had nothing to say. Not wanting to continue this conversation, he just rolled his eyes and went upstairs, a small blush starting to spread across his face. Although Logan tried to act cool, everyone already knew, and there was no denying it.

The next day Patton had woken up early because he was really excited. He had seen the blush on his face and had immediately recognise that look. He had experienced it before as well as seen Roman and Virgil act that way. However when Patton tried to unlock the door, it appeared to be locked. Logan was cleaver enough not to leave his door unlocked but Patton had a trick up his sleeve. He went down to the living room and took a paper clip from one of Logan's paper clip drawer and pried it open so that it was almost like a small, long pole. Patton quietly sprinted upstairs and carefully wiggled the paper clip in the lock of the door knob. "Click" Success! The door had been unlocked. Now it was time to wake up the sleeping beauty. Patton twisted the door knob and open the door slowly. Patton's heart pounded excitedly as he saw Logan in the perfect position possible. Logan was on his bed, one arm drooping down to the side , the other next to him. Patton slowly crept towards Logan and grabbed Logan's arm very gently. He then started to trace light circles around Logan's arm. This caused Logan to start smiling in his sleep. The sight was absolutely adorable. Deciding to get down to business, he started to scribble in random patterns across Logan's arm.

"Wait, Pat-TTOOONNN WHAHAAHAATT AARRHAAAHAHA YOAHHAHAAA DOHAAA-" Logan shrieked frantically, shocked from the sudden and immense sensation coming from his arm. As he started to comprehend the situation, his laughter became less frantic and more.. Joyful? He hated and loved every second, he didn't really understand why or how but he did.

"Aww what's wrong LoLo, someone's ticklish? Not gonna lie kiddo you're really cute when u laugh." Patton cooed.

Logan shook his head, a light blush spreading across his face as he tugged at his left arm. His legs frantically flailing everywhere.

After about 30 seconds Patton decided to use what he bought. Patton gave Logan a small break and started digging into his pocket and pulling something out. Logan giggled from the phantom tickles as he tilted his head towards Patton and saw what he brought.

"Since you've never experienced this before, I think I should make this even better by introducing my little friend" Patton smirked as he pulled out none other than an electrical toothbrush. Logan's eyes widened, trying to pull away as the brush inched closer. When it finally made contact with Logan's arm, oh he had lost it. His hands clenched, legs kicked, trying to stop the tingling feeling of the devastating brush. Logan started shrieking, snorting and laughing uncontrollably, things he thought he'd never be capable of, until now.

"Did you just snort Logiebear? That was adorable!" Patton squeeked in amazement.

"Look at those two, teach's smile sure is something." Virgil said. The laugh coming from Logan's room had woken Roman and Virgil up. The two were now standing at the door watching as Logan thrashed and screamed.

"Something extraordinary, kind of like yours stormcloud." Roman commented. Virgil nudged him on the shoulder, a blush forming as he looked away from Roman.

Roman snickered "Hey, it's true, Patton would agree."

Logan then started wheezing and that was when Patton finally stopped.

"Had fun there kiddo?" Patton asked, rubbing Logan's arm. Logan shook his head, his blush deepening.

"Oh come on I know you did, you didn't even try to stop me with your free arm." Patton joked.

"hnrgh.. I guess I did enjoy the experience of gargalesis.." Logan mumbled, showing his softer side to Patton.

"Uh.. Logan? Do you want to cuddle? If you are ok with it of course." Patton questioned.

Logan gave a heart warming smile and opened his hands. "I welcome you with open arms Patton."

Patton happily jumped onto Logan, afterwards realising something. "Was that a pun?"

A chill ran down Logan's spine as he realised what he said. "Uhm. Not an intentional one, please do not ruin this moment for me Patton."

"Ok okahehey" Patton giggled as he layed on Logan. The both of them stayed like this for a while to say the least.

[cptn-m]

One Piece chapter 1109 review

Ten minutes? Boo. BOOOOOOO! What a tease. That's, what, 4 chapters of Dressrosa time? 18 chapters of Namek time? Fine. It's fine.

But to get more serious, this is Egghead going full circle. First we were set up to expect a defensive siege of the main lab, then it evolved into an escape sequence, and now for the final leg, we're being set up to defend again. And with this being the ninth chapter of volume 109, the time for a climactic end-of-book cliffhanger is coming up, as early as the next chapter (but realistically on the eleventh or twelfth because there have been a few shorter chapters in this run) maybe we see this wrap up, or at least get ready to wrap up relatively soon.

This is a very transitional chapter. Transitioning into a new cover story (I think Momo moved Onigashima; outside of another Oars having shown up there, nothing else realistic), transitioning through the setup phase for receiving Vegapunk's info, transitioning to the real final set piece. Seeing new characters return in great numbers like this is always good fanservice, but cameos alone aren't a lot to analyse. The acknowledgement of time zones in the Water Seven bit is cool. I know Oda isn't super invested in this kind of thing for his worldbuilding, so I'm not going to waste my time trying to work out if this is an accurate depiction or not.

Haha yeah okay of course I am.

A thoroughly pointless analysis of One Piece timezones

First, we need to all get on the same page about the orientation of the globe. It's a myth with a frustrating amount of staying power that the Grand Line runs along the equator, but this is not actually the case. All evidence in the manga points to the Grand Line and the Red Line forming an X shape across the globe. The first explanation of the Grand Line in chapter 22 comes with a handy compass rose for orientation, and the image of the globe on the following page depicts them as diagonals. The special recap at the end of volume 81 reiterates this image of the globe, and puts Reverse Mountain on the "front" of the planet. Finally, the compass directions offered when the Supernova captains are planning how to leave Wano also place the Grand Line on an angle. This is our canon orientation.

Yes, this means that if you were standing on Marie Geoise, the seat of the rulers of the world, you would have to look west to see the East Blue and look east to survey West Blue. That's kinda silly. Maybe the names of the seas predate the World Government making that their perch.

In the latest chapter, we're shown broadly the time at a few key, identifiable locations. It is, of course, daytime on Egghead. It is explicitly nighttime at Water Seven. Windmill Village, in the East Blue, and Dressrosa have light skies, suggesting day; meanwhile Kamabakka, Marie Geoise and an unnnamed West Blue location all have shaded skies, suggesting nighttime. North and South Blue are both shown with light skies, but their locations on the planet make it almost impossible for it not to be day somewhere in them, so without more data like proximity to the Red Line, the Grand Line or the poles, they can't add anything to this analysis.

First, we have to work out where these locations are on the map. While it's tempting to place Egghead on the globe's front face, in the second half of the New World, for Law's statement in chapter 1056 about northeast being the furthest forward move to be true, this means that Wano, and by extension Egghead (directly southeast of it) have to be on the rear side, in the first half of the New World.

Dressrosa is before Egghead in the New World, easy win.

Water Seven doesn't offer anything as explicit as that for its placement, but for it to be the island that connects to Fishman Island, under Marie Geoise, via Log Pose, you have to assume it's in the second half of Paradise, also on the rear side of the globe.

Kamabakka is only a few days' sail from Lulusia, which was selected by Imu to test the Mother Flame because it was "close" to his location, so the easiest extrapolation is that it too is in the second half of Paradise.

For both Windmill Village and the unnamed West Blue location, it's impossible to tell if they're on the front or rear hemispheres of the world, but I've placed them both on the front because the map was going to get crowded otherwise.

For the sake of simplicity, we're going to assume that daylight moves east to west over the planet, just like the real world. We're also going to ignore things like curvature and axial tilt because they get complicated, harder to work into the graphics, and probably wouldn't have that much of an impact on the result anyway. The proportions of my day/night/dawn/dusk segments are not exact; I just eyeballed them. Excuse the roughness of the graphics.

So, can we make the day and night times shown in the latest chapter's panels work?

Unfortunately, no, we cannot. If it's morning on Egghead it can be dawn on Dressrosa, just before dawn at Marie Geoise and late at night in the second half of Paradise for Water Seven and Kamabakka, there's no way it makes sense for it to be day in the East Blue and night in the West Blue. Oof, we were so close. But Oda's time zones are busted.

The conclusion here is that this stuff doesn't really matter that much. Like travel times, the phases of the moon and the exact day and date the story is taking place, Oda may occasionally make a throwaway reference to these things, but he's also known to forget them and totally happy to fudge them for the sake of the story. I enjoy the mental puzzle of working out details like these and running through the implications, but I don't think they offer any genuine insight into how One Piece has been plotted or where it's going.

Ahem…

Getting back to the chapter at hand though, the bit of action with Luffy is very fun. I enjoyed Borsalino's laser eyes and the big clap attack. Saturn being able to fly around like a frizbee with all his legs out has a familiar vibe to the ancient dinosaur hunting techniques from Onigashima. And on Saturn's abilities, the telepathy between him and the other Elders is very interesting and definitely builds the case that whatever they have going on is beyond just Devil Fruits. As, of course, does the summoning. I'd be curious to see what kind of limits are placed on this to keep them from just showing up at Revolutionary HQ or something. Saturn rode with the Marine fleet until he was close, so maybe there's a proximity limit on unfamiliar areas, but once one is there, he can summon the others to his location from anywhere in the world.

The summoning spread is an awesome page for sure, but in the vein of last week's complaints about characters disappearing and inconsistent staging, it feels like a huge empty space has manifested to fit it in. Egghead's buildings felt a lot closer together than this in previous backgrounds, even accounting for how destroyed they are.

This was something the Onigashima anime (the bits of it I saw anyway) was really bad about. One minute the roof area is an enclosed arena, the next there's an expasive k or two of the pillars around the outside because it's a cool shot for a character sent flying to bust through them one after the other. Establishing shot puts Zoro and King on the crumbling, shrinking outer edge. But in the sakuga cut it grows a mile of extra turf for Zoro to sprint and leap through while flaming dragons tear up everything around him. Cool moments are cool, but I don't like seeing the established setting being compromised to make space for them.

I feel like I've been harsher on paper than I actually feel for this one. Transitions can be a let down, and are definitely hard to write about, but they don't mean the stuff I'm excited for isn't coming. I can wait a week or two for the payoff, after all the years of following this story, that much more isn't a huge deal.

Wordpress!

[gubbin-galoshes]

I hadn't been in a bookstore since before COVID. I was taking a walk downtown, unwilling to go home because my mind was racing and screaming about minor social interactions and the terror of being perceived. I needed a distraction.

A bell rang over the bookshop door. A middle-aged guy behind the desk murmured a hello and stuck his nose back into a book whose title I couldn't see. He made a silent promise to ignore my presence until or unless I needed him. I was grateful for that.

I made a point to look at each title, to imagine what each book might be about, to let my mind wander to their stories and to remember those that I'd read before. Slowly, moment by moment, my heart rate came down. The only sound was the tick of a grandfather clock and the creak of my slow steps on the carpeted floorboards. The books were in no particular order save a general grouping by category.

The only one that truly made me stop was a little copy of The Glass Menagerie. This play ripped me apart in high school - maybe another time I'll make a post about it. But I picked it up and held it close while I browsed for something else to buy, because I only had a credit card.

I stopped at the art book section and happened to pull down a jacketless hardcover: The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. I didn't read the synopsis. I didn't read anything inside. The artwork was... uh.

What kind of what the fuck is going on.

I handed Munchausen and Menagerie to the guy behind the desk, and he took a long while examining them and writing them by title in his paper log, he processed my credit card and kindly sent me on my way, books under my arm and a half-hour walk home ahead of me.

They both went on my shelf until I needed them.

Recently I needed a distraction, and Munchausen seemed just the kind of absurdity to do it. I didn't know I was getting myself into a lesson in Discordia told as a parody of Don Quixote with a shit-ton of ridiculous and unnecessary deaths and lost body parts, like riding half a horse after it had been severed in an accident. There is zero continuity and no plot, just a series of tiny unrelated anecdotes grouped into chapters generally categorized by theme, much like the bookshop itself. I finished each chapter with a general sense that I had just lost a few of my brain cells.

But when you're suffering from anxiety, this Monty Python-level absurdity really does the trick. Real life stops seeming so serious when you're reading about a guy who catches geese by having them eat a string and shit it out for the next goose to eat, until he has a dozen geese strung up. Or that time he picked up the biggest cannon in the world and swam across a river with it as a prank.

....What?

Reading a chapter of this bullshit every night-- combined with the legitimately terrifying art style --has helped me sleep. I'm so confused that I forget what I was anxious about.

[carmenthabaddie]

Intentional with my time 💖💖💖

Today I wore a yellow long dress with flowers. I bought it few years ago from Rainbows. I love that store as a plus size woman. It can be hit and miss but you can’t beat affordable prices.

2024 I am being intentional with my time. The truth is time waits for no one. I learned this hard way in my 20s. I wish I knew what I know at 31. But that’s behind me. I must make peace with dropping the ball during my 20s. I had no real feminine hypergamy examples around me.

I actually started my level up glow up femininity hypergamy journey at 25. But was still naïve, immature, and didn’t know what I know. I wasn’t serious at 25 late 20s like I’m serious at 31 early 30s. It’s like I’m playing catch up. But it’s better to play catch up than to never start this level up glow up journey.

I also didn’t have this spiritual ability. I am so thankful I have strong spiritual ability where spirit and beautiful black communicate through me. It’s on my list to get medium reading to see which spirits and black ancestors channel through me. So glad I took out birth control and spiritual ability developed.

It’s my time to shine. My January gym sessions scheduled in my digital planner. And this pre booking beauty appointments. And my grandma is in New York while she is gone my step dad spoils me with takeout and I’m not giving it up. So I will look at restaurants menu and calories and pick in the middle food choices and enjoy my step dad spoiling me at my favorite restaurants and me not pay. Because that’s what men are for. He like my only example of a man financially providing for house and being a leader and provider.

I’m blessed to have him as good example and father figure. And giving me the option to be a stay at home daughter and working being option not requirement and my money being mine and no major bills where I can save money and follow my dreams and have hobbies. I am shopping addict. First step is acknowledging your bad habit and creating a plan and correcting bad habit and replacing it with good habit. And being realistic and not cold turkey. It’s small but I saved $100 on Cashapp savings. And refuse to touch it like I normally do.

Hard pill to swallow I learned bad money habits from my caretaker parent my adopted mom my grandma she goes through money and nothing to show for and pass on to love ones. Thankfully she has life insurance. She been on medicaid , ebt and public housing and have a lack poverty  mindset and it’s all I saw.

So at im acknowledging my bad money management skills habits. Save today and wait for tomorrows pleasure. I felt so good saving $100 and what it can grow. I created a budget in note section of iPhone. And I pay my bills with gratitude 🙏. I’m thankful I have money period and more money is coming. Spirit and black ancestors sending me a financial blessing cause I bless black women in need and I currently don’t have much.

But at end of day you can’t tell me I’m not abundant. I know I’m abundant and I’m a money magnet and money grows on trees for me. I have a good relationship with money now. I can’t wait for my sp David match my importance of financial security for us and our 3 future kids. Pass on good money management with my future 3 kids.

I need spend less on mindlessly spending. And pay my two credit cards off and Affirm bill and student loans. I’m thankful my debt is small than others. Spend less on subscriptions and groceries and makeup and wigs.

I’m use the clothes I have now till I’m doing better financially and same for wigs, shoes, makeup, and skincare. Let step dad help me afford beauty treatments to keep my appearance up.

Yesterday I had like consultation coaching session with Destiny the confident hoe. And told her all my movement and how I’m off social media and intentionally using social media for good, fame and money. I can log out and it not control me. Seeing therapist tomorrow. And law of assumption coach I believe on Sunday. I have invested time and money on my level up and glow up and it’s worth it and making shit manifest faster.

So many making ideas and affirming for money so I can invest in businesses and side hustles and free money. 2024 I’m focused, putting action, faith in myself, spirit and beautiful black ancestors. Step dad treating me to Asian Habachi. Today I posted content and need edit productivity vlog for YouTube. Thank you for those who read and share my blog post. Affirming for hella followers. Until next time be well.

[wirewitchviolet]

Grifters Gonna Grift, “AI” Edition

Can I just start off here with a quick expectations vs. reality comparison we can chuckle at? Here’s a quote from a director I’ll be cool and not embarrass about where “AI” will be in a couple years:

And here’s a couple choice bits from when I was watching someone make a valiant effort at streaming the new “AI driven” Portopia remake Square-Enix is pushing:

My favorite though is this wonderful stretch of the streamer desperately repeating “ask about Hirata” and the increasingly amazing guesses popping in the chat log.

More serious talk under the fold, like I do...

So... the very first thing I, much like anyone else with both a conscience and a clue, need to say when getting into this is that the reason you see so much talk these days about “AI” and how amazing it is have absolutely nothing to do with any new developments in AI research, and absolutely everything to do with a whole bunch of techbros being stuck holding the bag after the pile of naked pyramid schemes that were the NFT grift well and truly fell completely apart, and they need a new grift to move on to, ideally one where they can use the giant server farms they all set up for crypto crap to still be usable for something. And of course the second thing I’m morally obligated to say is that “AI,” as these con artists talk about it, flat out does not exist. We’re not “almost there,” it’s not “around the corner,” there haven’t been “exciting breakthroughs.” It is a complete outright lie a whole lot of people are telling to a whole lot of other people to con them into investing heavily into some combination of vaporware and parlor tricks, and also to throw off people who might otherwise look at the things they are actually doing and see all the really blatantly illegal stuff they’re doing.

Having gotten that out of the way, it’s also worth explaining that what people are actually talking about when they talk about “AI” is really search engines, for the most part. Like, if I want to read maybe 5 paragraphs about oh, I don’t know, Big Slammu from Street Sharks, I can just open up literally any search engine, type really probably any string of words that contains word “slammu” really, and get a sloppily written wiki page with maybe 5 paragraphs of random facts like his pre-gene slamming name being Coop Bolton, early revisions having his name be the far less memorable Boomer, and him having a friend called Moby Lick. Which... OK I wasn’t expecting my randomly chosen example to go down that sort of road.

Anyway, I could also have one of these overhyped “AI” things tell me about Big Slammu, and most likely get literally this same exact wiki entry. Because yeah, that’s all that’s happening there. It’s grabbing keywords from my input string, looking them up in a database, finding an entry that best fits my string in terms of my terms showing up in it a lot, and printing it out at me. The only difference really is the latter is put together by someone trying to con me into thinking I’m talking to some sort of Real Life Computer Guy who just knows all this naturally as someone who watched the show and has well-articulated thoughts to share on it, and we’re maybe going to play up that fiction by stripping out any headers in the webpage we’re just grabbing and other bits that aren’t the core article content.

None of this is hard to do or novel. If you’re old enough to remember card catalog terminals in libraries, those were doing the exact same thing, except they just pointed you at a book rather than print the contents because storage on computers was at a premium back when they were made. Oh and when you see people talk about giving “AIs” more “training data” that’s literally just adding more to the database it’s searching, or more likely, widening the list of websites it’s searching with preexisting search tools.

“AI art” to be clear is the same thing. Get every art site you can get your hands on that has a tagging system, scrape every image and the tags on it, and then when someone asks for like, “brown hair anime girl hot giant boobs huge boobs enormous boobs” you just rifle through the pile of stolen art for something that comes as close as possible to covering all that text with tags and ideally not having any other tags, and forking it over. Which again, also works if you just do that with a search engine, and always has. But again, since we’re trying to sell people on the lie that some little magical computer boy like Data from Star Trek speed painted you a painting on the spot, we make some effort to hide the fact that we’re just stealing somebody’s art by stealing art from several different people, pasting bits over onto the main image we’re stealing, and wiping over the seams with like the photoshop blend tool or whatever a little to hopefully make it less obvious.

Now to me the part of that that’s basically computer magic is how we just have software tools to blend two images together to make them look like it was originally just one image, but, that part’s been a thing for several decades. Mostly it impresses me because art programs are prohibitively expensive to the point that I personally am to this day using something with all the functionality of Aldus Super Paint on the Apple ][. There IS some actual sophisticated code involved in instructing the program how to identify a hand so that it can paste the hand from one stolen image over the hand from another (and the iffy results from that are why you so routinely get extra fingers with this stuff- some of those were part of the original image, before we pasted another over that wasn’t in quite the same pose). We don’t have an actual Little Gear-Filled Brain Chum who lives in the computer we can explain these things to, so people just have to work out how like if you look at the raw image data and see darker RGB values in a line of pixels or in a circular pattern or some such, that’s probably the outline of a finger, so cut around that.

The best visual aid I can give to explain how this works is this spectacular failure of “AI art” that... I’m not sure I can just paste in under Tumblr’s current rules? Here’s a discussion of it on another site. Anyway if you just open that up, and use your hand or a piece of paper to block out everything from the belly button up, then again from just below the belly button down, you can kinda get a handle on what actually happens here. Presumably the rule this particular “AI” was using to paste pictures together was “find darker pixels than their surroundings in a pattern where one line branches off another at a 30 degree angle or so” which yeah, if you’re looking exclusively at a pile of stolen images of big boob anime waifus is most likely only going to appear in the cleavage. Here though, whoopsie, one of the images we grabbed out of the pile has lines intersecting like that in the crotch. So, that became the paste guide, and we get our wonderful little game of Exquisite Corpse. A human couldn’t make this error. Some sort of actual AI capable of comprehending a request to draw something and using its astounding reasoning to paint an original work (which, again, is straight up not a thing to exist) would also never do this, it’d be starting from a basic anatomical understanding as that’d be the easiest starting point. This only happens because we’re stitching stolen works together based on whatever small part of them matches up well enough to hide with the smear tool.

All that out of the way, if I might cycle back to that failure of a Portopia remake, because everyone in the “AI” scene is either a hustler or a mark, everyone ends up convinced that these “AI” projects can only be improved by giving them more “training” data. If you know it’s a scam, widening the pool of sources you’re stealing from makes it harder for people to notice (especially if you can grab files that aren’t publicly searchable, something people openly admit they’re working on), and if you buy into the hype, then yeah every trashy work of science fiction agrees the more books the amazing computer man speed reads, the more he comprehends our language and customs. In practice though, it just kinda... clutters things up with useless garbage.

Portopia is a very very old, very very simple adventure game. You have like, six or so each of verbs, locations, named NPCs, and something like four items. If you wanted to make a remake that went off speech to text to parser commands, you could probably get it to behave pretty well if it was designed only to listen for and distinguish that handful of relevant terms. But no, this sucker was given the widest possible corpus of “training data,” so even standing in an interview room where there’s literally no valid options to the player than leaving or asking an NPC questions about a very short list of subjects, like say, this other NPC named Kawamura, it’s considering that we might be making plans to get together the next day, or see what people have to say about California.

Probably bloats the game and the processor load by a ton too, or has it communicating with a fully unnecessary server. I’m told at launch, this was way more ambitious, and the idea was to include “AI” primarily so you could just use natural language to pick your assistant’s brain on whatever subject came to mind, not as an explicit hint system, but getting opinions or fun facts about anything you were unclear on from a neutral source. Which... yeah, that kind of “AI” does not exist. You ask “where does Hirata live?” and you’re going to find out about an MMA fighter’s gym or maybe learn some fun facts about the game Sekiro. So they just kinda dummied out everything that’d actually make the game novel for reasons of embarrassment and legality, and we’re just left with this speech to text program that doesn’t recognize the names of the characters, attached to a text parser that... can’t handle the fact it has more than one port as a location. You know what didn’t have this sort of problem? Zork. In 1981.

It also has problems with context. Like, ask a character something they don’t have a response to, and they can just be suddenly replaced by whichever character does have a response to that, because hey, that’s in the list of legal responses, right?

Anyway, when everyone gets on the same page on the emperor having no clothes here, can we please all promise to keep our eyes on the grifters as they look for the next scam and remember these were the same people breathlessly trying to convince people that slight palette swaps of a badly drawn monkey were all unique irreplicable works of special art worth millions of dollars, and just skip to the part where the new obvious scam gets called out?

[savedpeople]

4. If you’re single muse, what other characters would like to do in addition to the muse you have now? 5. Do you make it up as you go along, or do you plot and strictly stick to the plot? 8. Have you lost any friends since you started roleplaying? 9. If so, do you miss them? 12. Roleplaying pet peeves? 13. Where do you get inspiration? Music, memes, books, games? 19. Crack roleplay: yes or no? 21. Ever gotten hate for your characters or your writing?

Random questions for the mun | Accepting | @wexarethewalkingxdead

So because of how hard it is for me to write right now, I'm not looking to RP any additional muses. Hypothetically, if I had the time, energy, and motivation? I'd first want to fully bring back some of my past muses (namely Levi from Attack on Titan and Ted from Bill & Ted.) As for new characters, if I could, I'd try writing Crowley from Good Omens or Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen.

It depends on the thread, but generally I like to loosely plot something but otherwise make it up as I go, and just check in with my partner and plot further when needed.

There are friends I've made through RP that I've since lost, yes. In some cases we just drifted apart, other times there was a falling out, or they did something that made me too uncomfortable to continue following them. Others just stopped logging in one day and I have no idea what happened to them. Some of them I miss dearly, some I have no interest in ever speaking to again.

My RP pet peeves are the usual. Godmodding, metagaming, trying to force things onto me (ships, headcanons, etc.) Expecting my muse to feel or act any certain way. Partners making everything about their muse is a big one as well, and I also don't appreciate my muse being treated as anyone's punching bag.

I get most of my inspiration from the source material and from music, but I can also get ideas while watching movies and other media.

Crack roleplay can be fun! It can be an easy way to break the ice since there's no real pressure for it to be good, you know? But I can only do so much of it and generally don't want it influencing any of our real/serious interactions.

And yes, I've gotten hate for my muses, my writing, and even my ships. Not a lot, thankfully, but it happens every once in a while. I usually just delete and block when I can.

[a-lady-in-shining-armour]

I am just not having as much fun on this website anymore. I used to enjoy all the really interesting articles and studies that people would share and discuss, but that’s really dropped off. I lot of the normal women on here used to drop some great common sense content about everyday things like the ‘second shift’ and the expectations of being gender conforming etc that once you notice you see it everywhere. Now most radblr bloggers are as terminally online as any bun-gender person and everything is interpreted in bad faith with overly emotional call outs peppered with emotive buzzwords.

I’m so sick of logging on to see such out of touch takes as ‘expecting me to ever be in a public space with a baby is misogyny’ and the sequel ‘criticising abstinence only sex education is homophobic’.

Some of you need a reality check so here it is:

You are not an activist (necessarily obviously that might be your day job) you are a tumblr blogger engaging in social media for entertainment.

Most of you are not wise sages educating young grasshoppers girls about how having a baby might effect their career (no shit Sherlock) or that domestic violence can exist in heterosexual relationships (is it their first day on earth?). This is basic common knowledge especially for women interested in feminism, you really are preaching to the converted on this topic and it’s annoying as hell when you act like we might not have ever thought about it. Most of us are successful adult women, we know at least the basics about the risks of motherhood and marriage (often first hand) and it’s offensive for some random stranger to tell us that they (and only they) have all the right answers to some of the biggest issues in world for women. Basically, we are all peers here and not one of you has any real authority over anyone else.

The decision whether to have a long term relationship with a man and/or have children (and who you do this with) is The most serious and important decision in most woman’s lives. This is so commonly acknowledged that I have talked about it with my Mum, my Grandma, my sister, my friends, and even some work colleagues. It’s the focus of so many fiction and non fiction books, and in my opinion female anxiety about these choices that disproportionately effect women is why the entire romance genre exists! Our teachers had discussions about it in class and I remember wondering if I really wanted children when I grew up as young as 12. Such an important decision is something that is not taken lightly by any woman (feminist or not) and will never be decided on the advice from online strangers. It’s especially galling that some of the most condescending and demanding bloggers on this topic also post things that reveal that they are young and lack life experience. Obviously that doesn’t mean they’re wrong, but it definitely means they have no right to talk down to women old enough to be their mothers that often have firsthand experience with what to them is political theory.

The risks of heterosexual relationships are well known, I mean who the fuck has never heard of domestic violence by adolescence? If a woman interested enough in gender critical or radical feminism to blog about it in her spare time decides to enter an intimate relationship with a man and/or have children with him it won’t be because she’s ignorant about domestic violence or how hard child rearing can be. I trust myself and other women to make hard choices and manage risks in our own lives.

It is entirely possible for individuals to know and understand the same information and still make different choices. Someone disagreeing with you or making different decisions does not necessarily mean that one of you is right and the other one is stupid. That style of black and white thinking is unhelpful and untrue, people’s opinions and decisions depend on the individual circumstances of their life, about which you know next to nothing. It’s beyond time to retire the smug ‘I always know best’ attitude and acknowledge the shades of grey.