#loads of chonk

[jenfoundabug]

I love sphinx moths. They're so chunky <3 Twin-spotted sphinx (Smerinthus jamaicensis)

Northeastern Pennsylvania, US

[front-facing-pokemon]

I LOVE THE SMOLIV LINE!! I USED ONE ON MY TEAM THE BABIES!!!! THE BABIES WHO I LOVE SO DEARLY❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ BY THE WAY ARBOLIVA’S EYES AREN’T CLOSED THEY JUST LOOK LIKE THAT YOU CAN SEE IT BLINK IN GAME

AAAH MY MISTAKE!!! I HAVEN't looked at it very closely to be honest. never really used one on my team or really looked at it at all beyond 1. this blog and 2. filling the pokédex. but! y'know. good to know, i suppose!

WELL!! i didn't look deep enough into it to be giving competitive advice, evidently. either way this sounds like a recipe for frustration for your opponent in a battle against this, i feel

really? i guess i don't really know what the internals of game freak and the pokémon company look like. i know he made the battle tower theme in swsh and a few songs in sv, but almost every music-uploader on youtube just credits everyone who composed for the game on every song, which means i saw his name pop up a lot. obviously i know this doesn't mean every single person hired worked on every single song, but i at least figured his greater involvement on scarlet/violet meant they were keeping him around. or perhaps i was just hopeful. though i'm not sure what your source is on this claim, either—you're pretty sure. it doesn't REALLY matter and i don't even remember the context i mentioned toby fox in (was it about lechonk's name? it was probably about lechonk's name. in which case, like… yeah, of course i don't know that he made that name. it's almost a joke because of how out-of-touch nintendo and tpc famously are—but maybe they tuned in like five years ago when everyone was saying "le chonk" and decided to cash in on that. i don't remember who it was who said the name was based on "lechón" as opposed to "le chonk," but i desperately hope that individual was correct as opposed to Everyone I've Ever Met's initial reaction, that being that it's a reference to the "heckin chonker" memes from half-a-decade-plus ago) and tpc isn't gonna tell us anything anyway so!

re: pawmo. i agree. though i think i summarized my thoughts in the tags of the posts themselves

re:charcadet: do i need to make another "most original joke of all time" post

[ax3-e0ns]

big lads

giant bois

hulkin horses

truely majestic members of the neigh-borhood.

The Ardennes Draft Horse is considered one of the oldest breeds of draft horse, and is believed to be a direct descendent of the prehistoric Solutre Horse.

Via Historical Pictures

[merrybloomwrites]

Damien Haas - Vet Waiting Room

Summary: Who knew cats could be wingmen? A chance encounter in the vet waiting room can lead to more for Damien and Y/N.

Word Count: 674

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You absolutely love your cat. Shadow is the cutest, sweetest, chunkiest boy. But god forbid you try to trim his nails. You’ve nearly lost an eyeball one too many times and decided to just pay professionals to do nail trims every couple months.

It’s a bit of an inconvenience, needing to block out an hour so frequently just to get your cat's nails cut, but they’re so good with him that the time and money is worth it.

You’re waiting at the vet’s office for Shadow to be called back when someone walks in with a cat carrier of his own. He signs in and sits next to you on the bench. The first thing you notice is the purple in his hair. The next thing you notice is the biggest, fluffiest cat you’ve ever seen sitting in his carrier. 

He notices you looking at him and introduces himself, holding out a hand and saying “Hi, I’m Damien.”

You politely shake his hand and say, “Hi Damien, I’m Y/N. And who is this?” you ask, in regard to his cat.

“This here is Zelda, she’s my big ‘ol chonk,” he replies, his voice full of love for his pet. “Who do you have with you?”

“This is Shadow, he’s also my biggest boy. His brother is home,” you over explain.

“Are they actual brothers?” you nod and he continues saying, “That’s really cool! I call my two cats sisters but they’re not related. They just get along like typical sisters do.” 

“Oh yea, my boys definitely act like brothers. All the fights are worth seeing them randomly cuddle together though.”

“Oh I absolutely agree,” Damien says. 

He opens his mouth to speak again but the receptionist calls him back to a patient room. “It was nice meeting you,” he says as he gets up. 

“You too,” you reply and he walks away.

The receptionist says, “The techs are just a little behind, we’ll get Shadow taken care of soon.”

As you sit and wait, you can’t stop thinking about Damien. Even when Shadow is taken back for his nail trim, you can’t stop kicking yourself for not getting Damien’s number. Your friends are always telling you to put yourself out there, maybe join some dating sites, but you explain that you’d rather meet someone naturally.

And now you’ve met someone. This could’ve been a perfect opportunity and you totally blew it. 

Shadow is brought back out and you pay for the service. You hope that Damien will be out before you leave, but now you’ve run out of reasons to be there. You walk out and start to load Shadow into the car.

Just as you’re about to get in the driver’s seat you hear someone calling your name. Turning around you see Damien walking out of the office, struggling to catch up while carrying Freya in her carrier.

“Hold on,” he says, “Just let me-” he cuts himself off and goes to his car, setting Freya inside as you watch amusedly. 

He walks back to you and nervously says, “Totally understand if not, but uh, would you maybe want to go out sometime?” 

Even though you’re introverted, and truthfully nervous about the idea of a date, you manage to confidently answer, “Yea, I’d like that.”

He breathes a sigh of relief, alerting you that he’s just as nervous as you are, and he says, “Could I get your number and I’ll reach out to set something up?”

“That’s perfect,” you reply and the two of you exchange numbers. 

After another goodbye to Damien, with his promise to text you soon, you finally get into your car. Turning to Shadow in the seat next to you, you say, “I guess I need to thank you for hating nail trims, since you technically got me a date.” You laugh, letting out the excited and nervous energy bubbling in you. 

As you text back and forth with Damien that night to set up your date, Shadow gets extra treats for being such a good wingman.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Thank you for reading! I have one more Damien story coming out in a couple of weeks!

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

The original viral video from twitter:

‘Chonkosaurus,’ plump Chicago snapping turtle captured on video, goes viral

Footage of a plump snapping turtle relaxing along a Chicago waterway has gone viral after the man who filmed the well-fed reptile marveled at its size and nicknamed it “Chonkosaurus.”

Joey Santore was kayaking with a friend along the Chicago River last weekend when they spotted the large snapping turtle sitting atop a large chain draped over what appear to be rotting logs.

He posted a jumpy video of the turtle on Twitter, labeling it the “Chicago River Snapper aka Chonkosaurus.”

Read more: https://apnews.com/article/chonkosaurus-snapping-turtle-chicago-river-70a9267163efd041c2f3a13dedd258ad

[cathedral-of-the-forest]

Can you help me?

Last night as I was leaving the pier and loading up the truck a young chap ran up and asked if I could help him, if I had a net? He caught a big fish and could not hall it up on his rod.

He caught 3 foot shark. It was not long but a chonk though. He had no net, no pliers, no head lamp, no nothing you should have to catch a shark at 11pm on a Thursday night. 😂

I grabbed the needed items from the truck to help him out, namely a drop net, pliers, and a head lamp. We got it up and unhooked. His girlfriend wanted to take a picture up him holding it. He grabbed it by the tail to pick it up and of course the shark lost his shit and the guy dropped it. So then the “never grab a shark by the tail” lesson took place and I showed him how to properly handle a shark and showed him how a shark can easily bend back on itself and take a chuck out of you.

He held the shark up and his girl said kiss it while she took a picture. I took my pliers and pulled back the top layer of skin that covers the shark’s teeth, showed her the teeth, which even at 3 ft are fucking serious choppers, and said, let’s not try to kiss the shark.

They thanked me, and I told them, no worries and congratulations on a nice shark. And reminded them to be careful because nature can be very dangerous. Having done my good deed for the day, I returned to my domicile knowing there were two more people on the planet who now knew how to unhook and safely handle a shark. 😁

[siberat]

Rinse and Repeat

‘It’s about time you came in for your check-up.”

“Huh?” Rat/chet scrunched his face. “What the slag you talkin’ about, Dri/ft?”

“Take a seat.”

The medic glared at his lover’s back. His meeting with the rest of the medical staff ran late due to someone, who will remain nameless, providing a banquet of food. Anyone who knows about medical teams knows their love of breaks and snacks. And what better way to make a boring meeting (consisting of data and statistical analysis) to have such tasty treats littered among the table?

And before anyone asks, Ratc/het shared with his colleagues. Yes, he did chonk out over the past several months, but that doesn’t mean he lacked manners. Plus, there was plenty to go around. The CMO ate his fair share, returning to his habsuit with a full belly that resembled a fully inflated beach ball.

Naturally, feeling extra heavy after feasting on himself with sweets, getting off his pedes was welcomed. So Rat/chet obeyed and took a load off, plopping himself down with a loud ‘oof.’ The chair minorly creaked and sagged under his weight but held firm. He’d have to thank his lover for reinforcing the chair once whatever shenanigans Dri/ft was up to was finished.

“Any complaints since the last time I saw you?”

“Yeah.” Rat/chet spread his legs and rested back in his chair, taking any access pressure from his swollen midsection. “Too much talking. Not enough resting.” He closed his optics, desiring a quick nap.

Dri/ft loudly dropped his partner’s medical bag, the thud startling the CMO in his seat. “I agree. There is a lot of talking going on here. Let’s have a look-see, shall we?”

Rat/chet opened his mouth to either question or object, but seeing his stethoscope being brought out stopped him. He watched his Con/junx place the headset on his helm, then lift the bell to tap with a digit. “Careful-“

Dri/ft flinched, instantly regretting tapping the device.

“I tried to warn ya.” Playful laughter ensued, but Dri/ft kept a straight face as he gently continued with the examination.

The stethoscope's cold bell pressed to the rumbling belly's plating. Every few seconds, the device traveled to another location. Each belly grumble was chased and listened to, followed by a ‘Hmmmm’ from the TIC.

Ratc/het watched, bewildered.

A belly-shaker of a growl erupted from the round paunch, enough to make Ratc/het wince a little and rub a servo over the afflicted area- or at least try to. Dr/ift and his stethoscope managed to get to the belly quake first.

“Oh, you don’t say….” Dri/ft cooed, listening as if the belly was preaching his favorite spiritual podcast. “I see…”

“What?” Ratc/het barked as he swatted the stethoscope away. “Just what are you doing? Having conversations with my belly?”

“Yes,” Dr/ift stated matter of factly. “I said it was time for his check-up.”

Once again, Ratc/het opened his mouth in retort, but no words came out. Just what exactly would he say? How would one respond to the apparent need to have one��s belly checked up? Primus, he hoped the measuring tape and vernier calipers didn’t appear today…

“I’ll humor ya,” Rat/chet said with a tired but playful smile. “Just what is my belly telling you?”

“ I don’t know if you are ready to hear this, love.”

“What?” The CMO chortled but stopped upon seeing the deadpan look on his lover’s face. “What is it?”

“I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.” The stethoscope was removed and returned to the bag. “Good thing you are already seated….”

“What the slag….” The medic turned to watch his lover go to the sink, turn it on and fill something up. He wasn’t sure what his lover was up to; he couldn’t see!

“I’m glad you stopped in today. Things could have gotten worse if there was any delay.”

“What coulda gotten worse?” Ratc/het craned his neck for a view but said mech’s back was still facing him. All he could do was listen to the commotion: solvent spilling into something, the squelching of something being squeezed out, and rummaging around in cabinets.

“I am afraid to say, Rat/ch, that you need a severe medical procedure to be done. And right away.”

“What the frag you talking about-“

Dri/ft turned around, holding a basin in his servos. He approached the seated mech and set the supplies on the end table. Inside the basin were soapy solvent and a sponge. Draped over the swords/mech’s arm was a drying cloth. Adorned on his lover’s face was a devious smile.

“I’m afraid your belly requires a sponge bath. STAT.”

If looks could kill, Drift would be dead. Well, if Ratc/het was serious, that is.

“A sponge bath?” Deadpan optics glowered as the sponge was dunked and splashed around, then squeezed out. “Are you serious?”

“Quite.” Dri/ft pushed the doctor’s legs together to make a seat for himself while enjoying seeing that huge belly resting on chubby thighs. “Washing this belly of yours is of the utmost importance.” The wet sponge was gently circled over the swell of the belly, taking its time to caress and pamper. After every few strokes, the sponge was dunked back into the solvent to be rung out, then returned.

Naturally, Dri/ft cooed and baby talked as this ‘extensive medical procedure’ was performed. He whispered sweet little nothings about how good said belly was, how proud he was of the growth observed, and just how ample and soft the midsection became.

Ratc/het rolled his optics but allowed his lover the joy of playing doctor to his belly. Hell, if his lover enjoyed it, why deny him that? After all, it would be polite to return the favor: Dri/ft slaved away at the oven cooking the most delicious treats for him. And he truly outdid himself today.

Yes, Dr/ift provided the smorgasbord of treats for him and his medical staff’s meeting today.

So, Rat/chet sat back and let his belly get washed. It felt relaxing to have warm solvent rub over his swollen and overstuffed belly: it helped calm the aches and whiny groans. Servos join the mix, gently rubbing the tummy before the drying cloth caught any drips that trickled down. His belly sure was receiving the royal treatment!

Every area of the large stomach was washed. Every crease was lifted and wiped clean. The heavy paunch was raised to scrub the nook between the belly and hips. This continued, Rat/chet drowsily relaxing as his lover lifted flab, then shoved the sponge between his chubby side rolls.

“Uh-oh!” Dri/ft's voice sharply called out with concern, causing the CMO to startle awake.

“What?”

“We have a problem….” The swordsmech held up two empty servos.

“What? This isn’t a good thing to hear during any medical procedure….”

Dri/ft bit his lower lip, attempting to keep himself from smiling and/or laughing. “It appears I have lost the sponge….”

“…” Rat/chet glared. “Where?” Although, Ratc/het already had an idea of just where the said sponge was hiding.

“Between your flab rolls!”

“That’s it.” Rat/chet grinned. “I’m gonna sue for medical malpractice!”

Laughter erupted from the pair as the sponge was retrieved, dunked back into the solvent, and squeezed.

Rinse and repeat

a/n: it’s been a while. And I apologize for that. Art may be slow because I have a few projects going on that’s not chub related, and my inspiration for writing more than itty bitty prompts is gone. But enjoy this little short story.

Read on Aox3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36422509/chapters/117619678

[meep9898]

watcher717

Chungus

widestwaistlines

Wide-load

corpulentcarbs

Chonk

warriorpax

You're right You're fucken MASSIVE

chubbykanmuses

Rotund.

“The fact that I didn’t explicitly include every possible synonym, doesn’t mean that they weren’t implicitly included in my statment. You’re all dumb and wrong. Now...My brave canine Woofson will bite all of you!”

Woofson rolls on the floor, lets out a yawn, and falls asleep.

[ahedderick]

   Meadow had a vet appointment this morning, because she seems to have earmites. She is 2 1/2, and she hasn’t seen him since her ‘big girl’ shots at age 1, so it seemed quite traumatic to her. We started out with me scooping her up to load her in the carrier - only to find the carrier full-to-overflowing with my big tomcat. He saw the door left open and decided to help himself. He resisted being removed, then Meadow resisted being put in.

   Once at the vet’s she huddled pathetically in the bowl-shaped scale, surprising both me and the vet by being a reasonable weight.

   She looks chonk, but is mostly fluff. The actual medical treatment took just a minute, he peeked in her ear, spotted the stupid mites, and squeezed a few drops of medicine on the back of her neck. Back in the car I opened the door to her carrier so she could walk around the car if she chose. She popped into the front seat, gave the world in general a worried glare, and then settled pitifully into my lap.

   I wish that all our troubles could be so easily resolved and quickly over.

[istra-ish-sucha-geek]

We bought a chonk of air dry clay this afternoon, and made a bunch of mushrooms.

It was loads of fun.

Sheathed Woodtuft Kuehneromyces mutabilis

[stinkyhorsebitch]

✨🐰🧸🦉🦋🌸

✨-Do you have any nicknames?

In real life just Reis wich is just Rhys in a thicc german accent lol

But here? Quick Draw McGraw by yours truly, Fucker the Brainhole infector and Stinky:3

🐰-What do you think says most about a person?

How they interact with animals. People being mean or just speaking about them like they are less than peple and dont feel or shit like that just rubs me the wrong way.

🧸-Favorite place to nap?

Ive got like a spot between the end of my bed and "my desk (a low tv table thing and some blankets cuz i like to sit on the floor:p) wich i polstered out with some old couch cushions and loads of plushies. Perfect nappin spot especially bc around mid day the sun shines in just right so ya are nice and toasty but not blinded.

🦉- morning person or night owl?

Like i want to be a morning person so bad bc of the birds and the morning dew and fog but i m just not lol. The night is beautiful too tho just cant really go out then:p

🦋- describe yourself in three words.

Chaotic loveable chonk

🌸- Best compliment ever recieved?

Pretty recently someone said id make the best bj ever wich is probably somethimg bad lol. i mean you know the lil coke snortin asshat but yea.

(If you see this who said it no u dont... LOOK OVER THERE! a wet lil cringe boy *hauls ass*)

Thank you for the ask:3!

[theglitchos]

i'm sorry y'all but corsair won april fool's this year

C47 TUNNEL PRO XL Specs

Material: 100% CORSAIR C-Flute Cardboard w/ Patented Cat Support (Patent No. US20060259306A1).

Storage: Innovative Pass-Through Design allows for fully reversible orientation.

Compatibility: Supports all major CAT OS: Tabby, Floof, Chonk, & more.

Max load rating: 1 Feline.

Builder Features: Fully opening access panel for optimal cooling and airflow.

Form Factor: Flat chassis compatible with all top line gaming desks.

F75 WIRELESS Specs

Hardware: Purrformance-focused internals.

Ergonomics: Custom-engineered for popular feline claw grips, including kicking, batting, carrying, and biting.

Design: Accessible shape allowing for furry-friend bonding time.

Lifespan: Completely and totally not made-up guaranteed for up to 100-million baps, bops, or boops.

FS80 MAX Specs

Player 2 grip: Double-shot PBT ergonomic handle.

Frequency response: 45-64,000Hz.

Player 1 grip: Microfiber plus replica of the HS80 MAX human gaming headset.

SCRUF Petvision Canine Controller Specs

Materials: World’s first machine-washable controller.

Lifespan: Engineered for daily use by the ruff-est of gamers.

Design: Developed in tandem with world-class competitive puppies.

El Gato Cat Bed:3 Specs

Construction: Mesh basket technology.

Mounting: Compatible with legato Wave Mic Arm LP.

Load capacity: Most cats, aside from those who are particularly chonk.

C3 Ergonomic Pet Racer Specs

Construction: high-density, scratch-resistant foam.

Ergonomics: Carefully scaled to accommodate most cats with optimal design for feline ergonomic support.

Armrests: None. Cats don’t have arms.

Features: highly claw-resistant scratching post.

[clusterbungle]

Hotel chocolat sent me a £5 voucher code...

I am weak...

Sooo here's some yummy chocolate (which definitely cost more than £5 sshhhh)-

I got peanut butter milk chocolate, pistachio honey chocolate, and dark chocolate brownie which is loaded with pecans. Lol I love nuts 🙄

Impressed on the sustainable packaging as well. Everything is recyclable except possibly the clear plastic wrapping on the actual chocolate bars, haven't been able to confirm nor deny so far.

But anyway, look at that CHONK!

The peanut butter milk chocolate tastes just like a reeses peanut butter cup but more satisfying because it's super chonky and it doesn't make you feel sick afterwards

I'm in my happy place 🙂

[anotherhumanpet]

@koi-dog-bot (x)

"Of course, of course, my magnificent presence is too much for some folks." You can hear the paw to his chest in that chuckle, "Don't worry, you'll be forewarned. I'll be sure to load up on pictures and catch you up on mountain shenanigans, you'll be happy to know Chonk is still indeed chonky and greedy and had more guppies we had to find homes for. At this rate I may as well just expand the pond. Cheeky goldfish."

“Yes. Definitely that.” And the nervous sweating Dennis is doing is just as palpable. Definitely no M.E.C.H. affiliated friends and family to be found in his presence, no siree.

“Frikkin Chonk. I almost forgot about him. Her. Whatever. Chonk needs to quit getting knocked up, this is ridiculous.”

[callsignspark]

JORDAN!!!! your words are literally too nice. I can't handle it!! you mentioned so many things I hoped people would notice!! I talked about a few of my favorites below the cut. no actual spoilers but there are some hints to future stuff. edit before posting: I ended up talking about all of them, thank you for your words <33333

i love how she’s besties with reuben! I don't make the rules yes I do but her and Reuben are literal besties! sorry! we actually find out how they became friends in part two! their story is loosely based on how I met my best friend in college (Juli if you see this, hi love u text me back about our plans)

he probably got a couple batches of those cookies back in college he absolutely did! Mary, baker extraordinaire! teenage boys love her! swim coaches hate her! (until they get some of those baked goods and then that attitude changes fast!)

twenty-four days since bradley bradshaw has had the dumbest crush on her? i’m thinking yes, yes? as the french say: ouí

me 🤝 Mary 🤝 Jordan: besties suffering from imposter syndrome mixed with anxiety.

her being worried about making friends? also me, straight up just took my own anxiety and projected onto poor Mary. sorry girl 🥴

I LOVE THAT HE’S ORANGE Boo-Boo (based on my childhood bff's cat Pretty Kitty who I miss so much) is my favorite! he's so orange. he's so dumb. Danielle found him as a kitten when Reuben was deployed and she emailed him like we have a baby! and he was hardcore panicking until the photo of the fat orange kitten loaded. I picture him a lot like Timmy the Chonk from tiktok. he’s just an absolute unit of a cat. Dani and Mary love him, Reuben loves him too but he’s also constantly beefing with him lol. (he’s convinced Boo-Boo is trying to break his ankles. which… fair. he does have a knack for almost taking Payback out.) ps send me photo of family cat, I so badly want to see the baby

she’s right….but also consider that bradley already has a crush on you so like….reuben’s right 🤫🤫🤫

i like how you brought her family dynamics into everything? thank you!!! as someone who comes from a very large, loud, and opinionated family (though they'd be considered pretty tame in comparison to the Vertuccis) it's sometimes difficult to remove their voices and influence from my life/thoughts and I really wanted to show how difficult that can be/how it impacts the way someone grows and thinks - even if they're now far removed from those people

Carlo and Lisa are just..... yikes is all I'll say for now

she doesn’t want to tell people and put it out there in the universe if she doesn’t think it’ll happen. whatever you do, don't think about little nine-year-old Mary playing with her baby dolls and being the best mommy, but only when she is absolutely positive that her family (specifically her brothers) won't catch her doing it. don’t picture it okay?

i want her to be happy i want her to fall in love yeah me too! oh wait I can make that happen.

we'll find out in part three how long she lives in the guest room (it's not too terribly long considering the state of the housing/renting market) but those two absolutely drive Danielle up the wall (affectionate) (she threatens double homicide at least once a week). we won't see a ton of them living together, but the three of them lived together during their junior+senior years! so when we get to Reuben and Danielle's installment of the Dagger, Sword & Shield universe, we'll see plenty of college roommate schinanegins as we go through their story!

Mar(r)y Me | part one

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food.

series warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, eventual smut, warnings to be added as needed

word count: 2.0k

main masterlist

note: happy Friday! I'm so excited to share the first part of Bradley and Mary's story! a very special thanks to @gretagerwigsmuse for yelling in the DMs with me over this. Jordan without you the Bradley brain rot would not have taken over, and we wouldn't be here. after you read this, everyone go read about her version of Bradley and Smart Aleck; they are everything.

part one - indecision cookies

“C’mon, M&M! You’re not deciding on purpose! Just to be annoying!”

She knows he’s teasing; they’ve been friends for over a decade. That doesn’t stop the hurt from bubbling in her stomach or keep her from snapping at him. “Yeah, Reuben! That’s exactly what I’m doing! I’m purposefully going down to the wire on a decision that will change everything in my life just so I can piss you off!”

Guilt settles in her chest the second she finishes. It’s not his fault she can’t make a choice. “I’m sor-”

“No. Don’t apologize. I shouldn’t have made the joke. I know this is stressing you out.” She can hear him pacing through his house. As long as she’d known him, he had walked at the same volume as an elephant. “I know it’s a big change, and there’s a lot of things to consider, but what’s going on?”

“Nothing. I made indecision cookies. So you know… I’m basically there.”

“Wow, okay, never once have you been close to making a choice and made those. So, that literally does nothing except give you delicious cookies to eat. Which is great, but it’s already been a month, and I can’t even tell which way you’re leaning.”

It’s only been twenty-one days. Her brain interjects, but she doesn’t voice the thought, knowing her best friend won’t appreciate the correction.

It’s been twenty-five days since she flew from Pensacola to San Diego. Twenty-four days since she spent the evening with Danielle, Reuben, and his teammates. Twenty-three days since she interviewed for a new position. Twenty-two since she was offered the job, one that came with a big salary increase, better benefits, a higher security clearance requirement, and a thirty-day decision deadline. Twenty-one days since she returned home, a serious case of imposter syndrome setting in, mixing with her anxiety.

“I haven’t decided because I can’t figure out the right answer. It’s a great opportunity, and I know I’d enjoy the work, but it’s such a huge change, and frankly, I don’t know if it’s worth moving across the country. I like what I do now, I’m settled here, and I’m finally starting to make real friends instead of just having acquaintances from work. It’s taken-” A crash interrupts her. “Reuben! What was that?! Are you okay?”

“I tripped over Boo-Boo and almost took out the side table. Stupid ass cat.” She can hear him fighting with the fat, orange tabby under his breath. “I’m fine. Keep going; we’re listening.”

“You were probably in his way!”

“Stop defending the cat! He can’t hear you, and he was in the wrong! And stop deflecting. You were saying it’s taken…”

“It’s taken me four years to get comfortable, to this point where I’m not spending all my free time alone in my apartment. I move, and I have to start all over again. With everything. The search for where to live. Getting comfortable with the job. Making friends.”

“You have plenty of friends out here already!”

“You and Danielle don’t count; we’ve known each other since freshman year.” Her voice is flat, already knowing where his argument is going.

“Okay, fine! You’re friends with Mickey. And you liked Natasha and Bob! Plus, there’s Rooster and the rest of the Dagger Squad!”

“Reuben, knowing your team’s callsigns and spending a few hours drinking with them when I was out there doesn’t mean I actually know them or that we’re friends.”

“Yeah, true, but they’re good people, and you’ll get along with all of them. And you’ll make friends of your own! What I’m saying is that you’re not starting over with friends; you’ve got a foundation to build on, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Okay, well, I’m also thirty-four and not getting any younger. I’d like to have a family one day; I want a husband, a few kids, and maybe a dog. That dream gets harder to achieve if I have to start over again.”

“Is this because of your parents?” Danielle’s voice is a surprise.

“Damn it, Fitch! Have you had me on speakerphone this whole time?!”

“I told you we were listening!”

“I thought you meant the damn cat!”

“Why would I mean the cat?”

“Because you’re an idiot-”

“As fun as it is to listen to the two of you argue.” Danielle’s scolding cuts them off before it can devolve into a repeat of The Incident of 2013. “Let’s get back to my question. Is this indecision because of your parents?”

“No! Why would you even think that?”

“For starters, you’ve never mentioned kids before!”

Danielle smooths over her husband’s indignant statement. “We know it’s something your parents harp on you about.”

The understatement of the decade. 

Mary’s family is a large group of stereotypical Italian immigrant Catholics from New York. Thirty-one people on her father’s side came from Sicily through Ellis Island in the late nineteenth century and settled in East Harlem. The men worked municipal projects, performing back-breaking labor to build bridges and dig subway tunnels, while the women suffered through the dangerous working conditions of the Manhattan garment factories. The family worked hard, the entire brood saving money to open a bakery just like they had back home. Vertucci’s Bakery – named for the family – opened in 1925 and was an instant success; people waited in lines that went out the door to get a taste of the old country. As the family grew, so did the bakery; everyone working to churn out bread, cakes, and pastries as fast as possible. Eventually, they outgrew the first shop, moving to a bigger location in Brooklyn the same year Mary’s father was born.

The other side of her family, the Romanos, immigrated just before World War II. Settling in Carroll Gardens, Mary’s great-grandfather was a dock worker at the Brooklyn Navy Yard, while her great-grandmother took care of the children and worked as a seamstress out of their apartment. Through the generations and the gentrification, the family stayed in Brooklyn, enjoying the strong Italian community.

Carlo and Lisa met on a busy Saturday morning when he was working Vertucci’s front counter. They fell in love quickly and were married just over a year later. Four boys in the four years after they were married, with Mariella “Mary” Vertucci following several years after the twins. She was a happy mistake. Wording that never failed to make her feel like she was two inches tall.

Despite being the youngest by ten years, as the only daughter Mary was subject to the most guilt trips and punishments growing up, her brothers seemingly unable to do no wrong in the eyes of the rest of the family.

When she was little, she didn’t eat enough food, and the women of her family criticized her for being too skinny. Then with puberty, she gained weight, and suddenly she was eating too much food. The yelling she had to endure when she went away to school - the first one in her family to do so - practically shattered the windows in her parent’s living room. Her mother was exceptionally upset because she had found a nice Italian boy for Mary to date, one who didn’t care that she was chubby. Constant complaints about distance when she moved to Missouri after graduation to work for Boeing, where she learned the ins and outs of all the mechanical systems of the Navy’s top fighter jets and worked on maintenance procedures to keep them running. The knock-down-drag-out screaming matches when she announced that she was being transferred to Florida to act as a senior engineering liaison between the company and the Navy, not once receiving any congratulations for her impressively quick advancement.

Not to mention all the subtle implications that she was a bad daughter for not producing grandchildren yet. Despite all of her brothers being married and having provided numerous grandchildren.

“I love kids, I’ve always wanted them, but given my luck with relationships, they’ve always kinda been a pipe dream. And I barely talk to my family anymore, my parents, least of all, no one knows I’m up for a new job. Only a few people here even know I went to California, and they all think I just went for a long weekend to visit some old friends.”

“If you take the job, when are you gonna tell them you’re moving to California?”

She snorts, “I’ll just call Danny’s wife as I’m about to get on the plane, and she’ll do all the work. By the time I touch down in San Diego, the entire Vertucci network will be informed of the address change.”

“You’d do that to your favorite brother?”

Danny is her favorite by default. Being the oldest meant he usually could be counted on to stop the other three from being too brutal in their taunts, but he also joined the teasing as much as he stopped it.

“He left my name off the Mother’s Day bouquet last year; this’ll make us even.”

“You didn’t chip in for flowers?” Reuben sounds shocked, knowing the importance of Mother’s Day flowers in the Vertucci family.

“No, I did. I covered Michael’s portion, too; that’s when Mia was going through treatment. He forgot to put my name on the card.”

“Wow…”

“Yeah, surprised me too. Especially when I got a call at the ass crack of dawn the next day, asking why I was ignoring the woman who gave me life on the most important day of the year.”

“Not to interrupt this venting session, but we still haven’t gotten to why you’re holding back on making a decision.” Danielle interrupts.

Mary hesitates, embarrassed to tell her closest friends about the problem. “I just keep thinking about the worst things that could happen. Which I know is stupid, and it’s just making my anxiety act up even more, but I can’t stop thinking about what could go wrong.”

“Well, that’s obviously not working, so what about the best things that could happen? I can kick Reuben out if you want. He doesn’t need to know everything.”

“Hey! She’s my best friend, too! And I’ve known her longer than you!”

“Only by six months! And you wouldn’t have become friends if she hadn’t taken pity on you and forced you to be her lab partner.”

“Let's see, good things… good things.” She interrupts the argument over who is her bestest friend. “Well, I could live near both my best friends for the first time since college. I could live in the same town as my goddaughter for the first time in her life. I could end up loving the job - not just tolerating it - and work there until I retire. The time difference could be good. I might be able to have a better relationship with my family if there’s extra distance between us. I could…”

She trails off, simultaneously feeling silly about what her next sentence would be and also afraid saying it out loud would jinx it.

“You could?” Danielle gently prods.

I could fall in love. I could be happy.

Her answer is just above a whisper, “I could be happy.”

Reuben gently breaks the silence that follows her vulnerable wish. “Are you not happy now?”

“I’m content. Which is good, but it’s not the same as being happy.”

“What do you think it would take for you to be happy?”

“I really don’t know… Force myself to make some changes? Shake things up?”

“Shit, I hear Annabeth waking up from her nap, but - and I’m sure you’ve already had this thought - but if you think shaking things up could help, I think you have the answer about the job.” Crying crackles over the baby monitor. “Okay, I’m gone. Love you - text me later!”

“Love you too, Dani!”

“So… what are you thinking?”

“How would you feel about turning the office into an official guest room while I find a place to live?”

“As long as you join the diaper-changing rotation, I think we could swing that.”

“Deal.”

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fic tag | credit for dividers here

[bearotonin-international]

Blueberry would like to remind you that moon bears celebrate Fat Bear Friday too