#lmao idk what this is but i've been thinking about it all day
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so there's a trans woman who goes to the centre and everyone calls her by her birthname which she is like... fine with but only because she has no choice but to be fine about it. anyways I've known her for a while through a trans group before the centre so I asked her today if she'd rather I call her by her birthname or her chosen name and she said she prefers her chosen name but I can call her by her birthname if I want and oh my god I was about to cry for her bc god I really feel that whole situation fjdkdl, I just told her "no I WANT to call you by the name you prefer, that's why I'm asking, I want to make sure it's safe for you if I call you [preferred name]" and she seemed so grateful and I'm just :') eeurrgghh i hate how we have to be grateful with crumbs !!!
its just absolutely wild to me that she's presenting femininely and wears skirts and dresses and everything and uses her preferred name when she writes her name down on stuff and yet everyone at the centre calls her by her birthname and he/him pronouns. like. how are people so fucking rude and oblivious ??? she's even worn a she/her pronoun pin to the centre like.... people are so fucking stupid about trans people I stg.
idk I'm just hoping to make her feel a bit more comfortable and maybe if I start calling her by the right name and pronouns then everyone else will too eventually because I know she doesnt feel safe correcting people. I'm not going to make a big thing of it obviously bc I don't want to put her in danger but I will be using the correct name and pronouns now that I've double-checked with her about it, and if I start feeling like it's making things worse for her then I'll check in with her again at that point. I've honestly been stumbling trying to use he/him for her when I mention her to other ppl because she is just... she/her in my brain. it's what I know she wants to use so it feel fucking awful to use anything else !!!
#and my counselor said smth abt her that rly didnt sit right with me#but i was too scared to challenge her on it and ask what she meant by what she'd said#it might just be that this woman talks too much and will talk my ear off if i let her fjfkdl#and then i wont make friends if i just sit with her every day like i was doing the first couple weeks#but smth abt the way she said smth more like... ''getting sucked into all the stuff [she] has going on''#but said in a more... eugh way#idk it set off transphobia alarm bells in my head. ''ooh man wearing a dress who thinks he's a woman how crazy and perverted'' sort of vibe#I'm just... worried. that my counselor is transphobic lmao. I haven't talked abt any of my gender stuff w her#she can she/her me all she wants lol I don't talk about gender w mental health professionals ever after that initial exp a few yrs ago#I DONT KNOW THOUGH THIS IS JUST RLY MESSING WITH ME#LIKE WHY ARE PEOPLE BEING SO WILLFULLY OBLIVIOUS ???#its really fucking upsetting and I've been trying to not let it get to me too much but jesus fucking christ c'mon people 😭😭😭#im hoping i can maybe help change things for the better bc I'll be someone on her side#since she doesnt seem to have that there. god I've cried abt this a few times bc its just awful#and it rly reminds me a bit of my own situation where i just. grin and bear the misgendering and wrong name#except im a coward compared to her fjdksl i never mention my name or pronouns#i will say though that she has consistently misgendered me no matter how often I've reminded her of my pronouns fjdksl#but like... they/them is difficult. i get that. I can't hold it against her esp bc she's in her like 50s or smth#head in my hands. i wish life were kinder to all of us. i hope one day things can be easier#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#transphobia#transmisogyny#<- for blacklists. i uhhh hope this doesnt turn up in searches but oh well !!!
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I missed yesterday, so catching up with @mcyt-aro-week !!! day 1 - unconventional relationships / trope subversion
cledubs qpr you will be famous forever <3<3<3 but admittedly it's a bit of a stretch and not really apparent what the connection to the prompt is, is so I'm gonna explain under the cut ! tldr ancient greek vase painting visual culture, nerd stuff <3 I was in class LOL
so I'm currently studying ancient greek mythology in one of my classes, primarily through the lens of visual culture, which mainly focuses on vase art! learning the conventions of the symbolism and the culture is really interesting (and I might someday do something with showing how mcyt really has created an extremely similar culture, but I digress) and ngl I didn't even mean to do this when I was drawing during lecture LOL. but a lot of the stylistic traits of greek painting crept into this piece, you can kinda see the influence in bdubs' pose, as well as cleo's to a certain extent, and the main connection here is in the fact that cleo's facing forward! this was extremely rare in greek visual culture, and very significant when it did happen. in many instances it's connected to the crossing of boundaries or breaking rules, which was where I felt it could connect to the prompt! but even more specifically for cleo, and why I really leaned into it, is that forward-facing figures are often doing so because they aren't alive <3 it almost paints them as more object than person, but could also certainly be about undeath ! so that's the part that cleo really fits into, refusing to be controlled by anyone, defiant in undeath. and also aromantic, which I DEFINITELY have thoughts about connecting to those two ideas but they're evident enough and this is long already LOLL
#mcyt aro week#cledubs#zombiecleo#bdubs#bdoubleo100#captain's scribbles#genuinely was extremely surprised to pull back from my sketch and realize it looked Super greek LMAO but was kinda fun!!#more nerdy than my usual stuff but what can I say. it's rad saldhbfas#but yeah idk I'll prolly stick closer to the prompts and be more outright aro in my next pieces#which hopefully I'll be able to do the whole week !! :D#I'm excited about it yayyyy :]#oh also if it wasn't clear this is like. mainly w 3l inspo. I've been thinking about crastle all day....
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literally it's 3am where i live and i'm on mobile but FUCK IT i haven't posted any actual writing in like a YEAR on this blog whose description include the words "I WRITE" and i can't tell if i'm even going anywhere with this so fuck it under the cut is the prospective absolute mess of the first chapter of the flipo family time loop fic. (for clarity, flipo family as in slime, mariana, and juanaflippa) this covers loop 0, aka the relevant parts of canon. words: 1630
parts of it i popped off with and other parts i hate; up to you to identify them. also the italics and other formatting got erased when i copy pasted and i'm re-adding all of it by hand so if i missed a spot, no i didn't. if i missed an accent on a letter in spanish that was a typo, if i missed a ¡ or ¿ that may have been on purpose.
oh and for obvious reasons, content warning for mentions and mild descriptions of child death and child murder. no blood, and most of it is a three word mention; i'd say the brief paragraph beginning "Tilín didn't scream" is most of the reason this warning exists.
Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.
He’d been hoping for a bright, sunny day to start their vacation, but was sorely disappointed. The portal had apparently taken them pretty far, since they’d gone from noon to night time. Talk about jetlag. They hadn’t even been on a plane.
“What happened to the other guys?” he wondered aloud as he stepped onto the platform.
“Yeah no clue,” Phil said, scanning the empty station. “Thought they’d meet us here.”
“Guys!” one of the Spanish speakers--Vegetta, he’d said, when they’d all met up at the first station--called, from a lectern at the wall. “There is a book!”
They crowded around as he read the instructions aloud--something about pressure plates, Slime wasn’t paying that close of attention. He was a little more preoccupied with making sure it only felt like his brain was dripping out of his ears. That would be kind of embarrassing.
Which was not to say that he wasn’t enjoying the constant onslaught of people talking over each other using words he may or may not understand. In fact, it was the opposite; he was frankly thriving in the absolute chaos that kicked back up around him as a timer appeared in the wrist communicators they’d been provided along with their tickets.
“Como se dice ‘we are going to die now’?” He giggled, chasing Phil and Fit to one end of the station.
“¡Vamos a morir!” shouted Spiderman, echoed seconds later by the black bear in the collared shirt.
Giddy over the high of attempting to use his high school foreign language for the first time maybe ever, Slime absolutely didn’t contribute much to solving the puzzle, and before long the sound of the timer ticking down was accompanied by a loud buzzing alarm.
“It’s been an honor!” he shrieked at the top of his lungs. “It’s been an honor!”
The bear ran past them again, shouting, “I’m going to die!” in English this time.
“Adiós amigos!” Slime yelled.
The countdown ended.
And then his communicator buzzed, and there was a video playing on the screen, showing a cartoonish yellow duck in front of a blurry beach stock photo. He skimmed it absently--some generic welcoming message and another side quest for them--distracted by Maximus audibly losing his shit laughing across the station.
“Come on, I’m trying to take a vacation, I gotta work now?” Fit complained. “This is ridiculous.”
Slime wanted to jump on that bit, but the message cut off with coordinates marred by static and the noise of the emergency weather alert system and he lost his train of thought completely.
“I got the English book!” Spreen called, holding it with two fingers like it had personally offended him.
“English leader,” Vegetta said, seeming to find that amusing.
“English leader.” Spreen laughed and flicked the book away. Slime stepped back but somehow it still nailed him in the chest.
“Guess I’m reading then,” he said cheerfully.
“In Spanish?” Maximus said.
“Um.”
Vegetta called something, backing across the plaza with the book open in his hands. Phil backed up to the wall.
“Here,” Phil instructed, “we’ll read it here.”
“Okay okay.” He flicked it open. “So we have to get water wheel planks--”
Their peace lasted a grand total of thirty seconds as voices suddenly began shouting, overlapping in chaotic chorus.
“What is that?” Fit demanded.
“Is that coming from the other side?” Phil stared up at the top of the wall.
“This is the thinnest thick wall I’ve ever seen,” Slime said, giddy laughter bubbling out of him again. “Is this thing made out of pencil shavings? If I sneeze on it, is there gonna be a hole?”
“Nevermind, we’ll read it over here.” Phil dragged them away again, but the Spanish speakers were dispersing into the trees.
“Forget the book,” Fit said, “follow them!”
(In the end it was explosives that took the wall down, which in hindsight was a precursor to how a not insignificant portion of time on the island was spent. The first day, however, it was just funny, much like everything else.)
(That was to say, the first first day.)
The communicator had indicated that today there was something special planned, so he made an extra effort to wake up.
“Morning Jaiden!” he called to his upstairs neighbor.
“Hi Charlie!” He could hear her farming through the wall. “Glad you woke up on time!”
“Well you know, you know, El Backflipo couldn’t miss it,” he joked, sifting through his backpack. “Got any spare food? I’ll trade you uno backflipo.”
“I have so much toast, come here and get some, free of charge.”
With a quick backflip and some toast to start the day, he popped open the map.
“There’s a lot of people down the wall,” he noted, their green dots so clustered they formed one. “Wanna check it out?”
“Yeah sure.” Jaiden tossed some seeds into a chest. “Do you know what this event’s gonna be?”
“I have no idea,” he admitted cheerfully.
She laughed. “Yeah, me neither. I guess there’s an egg involved, but that’s all I know.”
He dug around in his backpack for a paraglider, nodding along. “Yeah, yeah, un huevo, I get you.” Shuffling the landmine from Vegetta to one side, he yanked out his glider and threw himself out her window. “Let’s go!”
(nothing like getting struck by lightning to wake a guy up in the morning)
Slime fiddled with the communicator as he waited for the line of people to get through the ticket machine; he already had his own, a nice B for Backflipo. The new live translations still boggled his mind. He had to fight the urge to chant weird shit under his breath, just to see what the bubbles would say.
He paid a little extra attention when Mariana walked up to the machine. That guy seemed cool. They’d done that pequeño dormir together on day one, and he had a good sense of humor. Egg parenting would probably be funny.
He was thrilled to see the B for Backflipo on the ticket Mariana stepped away with, even if Mariana was decidedly less so. This was gonna be good.
(it was, and it wasn’t)
So, Mariana wasn’t exactly the coparent of dreams. Then again, Slime was pretty sure Mariana could say the same about him. In fact he was pretty sure Mariana had said the same, but in Spanish, when he wasn’t checking the translation.
It was great. They thought they’d killed a child immediately and then decided to fake their own child’s death to get away with it, and then confessed their sins to a bilingual angel and built a farm and then he buried himself beneath an improvised cross and went into a coma until his sins were forgiven, or something, except his sins weren’t forgiven in time to save his own child’s life.
And then Juanaflippa was dead. Dead at Mariana’s hand.
His bitch wife killed their daughter.
(Everything went faster, after that.)
Slime wanted to kill him.
Slime wanted to kill him for killing their fucking daughter, but of course, Mariana couldn’t even be bothered to be around to take care of her alive, never mind to pay for his crimes when she died by his hand!
(in a better world, his rage started and ended there. in a better world, the anger fizzled out with the lack of a target.
this was not that world)
There couldn’t be an Egg Event with no eggs.
If he killed them all, it would bring her back.
(in a worse world, he succeeded. in a worse world, the Egg Event ended there.
this was not that world)
They held a trial.
If he won, it would bring her back.
(in another world, he didn’t convince them. in another world, they left his daughter in Hell.
this was not that world)
Tilín was still before she hit the ground.
Tilín didn’t scream. Maybe they didn’t have time. It happened so fast. He was sure it happened fast. Almost too fast. But everything went so fast, now, even though Flippa was back. Yet, time slowed down for this, like a rubberneck driving past a highway accident, watching him desperately trying to shock their heart back into motion.
“YOU KILL MY BEST FRIENDS,” Flippa wrote. He begged her to understand. She wrote, “i can’t believe it.”
She wrote, “I HATE YOU.”
(in a better world, the error would have been caught in April instead of July.
this was not that world)
His daughter fell to his bitch wife’s sword. The same way. The next day.
They’d only just gotten her back. And Mariana killed her again.
He only left eggxile for the funeral. She wouldn’t stay dead, but he had to be there.
Time went even faster after that. He was Gegg, or maybe Gegg was him, or maybe Gegg was Gegg, or maybe. . . ?
He went back to eggxile.
He wasn’t leaving without them. Tilín. Juanaflippa. He would do whatever was necessary. He would pray to any higher power. Lil J still owed him a goddamn favor, but the guy wouldn’t pick up his calls. Maybe if he put more shit in the shrine; angels liked shiny shit, didn’t they? He went back to the mine, where the gasses swirled in his head. He built the shrine. He mined. He built the shrine.
He went back to the mine.
He went back to the mine.
He went back to the mine.
“This is where I sit, this is where my bitch wife sits, and this is where my daughter sits, if I had one!”
He’d said that before. No he hadn’t. Yes he had.
No, he just needed to clear his head.
Charlie Slimecicle went back to the mine.
Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.
#qsmp#qsmp fanfiction#qsmp slimecicle#qsmp juanaflippa#won't tag his partner since he didn't get to star much in this part#this idea is at its core a flipo FAMILY fic though it starts out with slime#just. the problem is getting to that point. bc beyond these words i have like 500 more lmao#for anyone curious for directors commentary in the tags:#pequeño dormir' is on purpose; i figured that would be a mistake slime would make at day 14 on the island#i also omitted the ¿ and ¡ from slime's spanish dialogue for the same reason; it's as close to an actual accent as i can get in text#(accent as in accented speech not accented letter; speaking spanish with an american accent)#slime's quote at the end about where people sit is taken verbatim from one of his streams#at time of posting it is available on his vods channel titled 'we won the war. (qsmp)'#a lot of the day 1 dialogue and flippa's dialogue from tilín's death is also verbatim#oh and the sequence from the 'we won the war' vod carries a lot of weight in the idea (wasn't the spark but it filled some gaps)#for me the cave gases are what drives every loop; time rolls back whenever slime inhales too much gas and 'forgets'#i don't have exact mechanics about it but suffice it to say if ANYONE were to spend too much time in this random ass cave#they would also loop back in time; slime's just the one who in this timeline Happened to discover it#shut up vic#block game brainrot#yea idk i just liked some of the dialogue tbh i think this gets super messy after they get flippa and then brings it back around at the mine#it's got some messy pacing in that middle bit but the foundation of a time loop story is its loop 0#that's what every loop after it has to call back to; that's the beauty of a time loop story#how is this different from loop 0; how is it the same#we've come so far only to get nowhere at all yknow#i'm a fan of stories rhyming but ESPECIALLY time loops so this is the setup for a lot of that#dude i gotta send this i've been sitting on parts of this draft for a year#may someone besides me read these words 🙏 thank you and goodnight#if people say nice things maybe i'll finally wring more words out of my brain. idk.#long tags
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ok well today was a lot better at work until right before i clocked out when i got a weirdly underhanded remark about having an animal science degree for some reason
#they are definitely talking about me behind my back and i'm trying to have the buddha nature about it but its sooooo hard#like i dont think i'm obnoxious about it or something? i mentioned it when i was getting hired and ig when i was telling them my background#i havent been bragging about it or something because theres nothing to brag about lmao#????? because i didn't recognize an instrument for pilling. which is an object i have seen before but never had to use and also who gaf#“cant believe you have an animal science degree and don't recognize that” idk what to tell you i never said it was a good education#maybe they really were joking and i'm just overly sensitive but the way the vibes are i don't think so 🥴#i truly dont think i've mentioned it since like my first day or two i'm so confused. is there a book about how to act socially with all the#behaviors i'm apparently not performing correctly because god damn i don't have the energy for this bullshit#me
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Actually obsessed with my new coworker at the farm ajdkalsl
#not snz#apparently he's some sort of cook for a living#idk what he does i just know he works in a kitchen#but this isn't like a career move or anything for him#he's super secretive about his job for some reason?? like damn how bad is it lmao#he didn’t even tell us what he does i just managed to clock him#he's been here for like a week now and I've been going in extra days bc my boss is on vacation and someone needs to train him#kinda quiet the first couple days and didn’t really talk until you said something to him first unless he had a question#and then i said fuck like five times in the same sentence and now he talks a lot lmao#swearing like a sailor gang unite i guess#anyway i tried to hand him off to another coworker so i could go play vet for a few of our animals#but he wanted to come and i was like 😬#bc one of the animals has a nasty infected wound that needs hella care#and I'm the one who does it bc it makes everyone else sick and/or faint#and i go 'oh no it's okay i can do it it's kinda gross' and I'm telling him Why and everything#dude looks me in the face he's like 'i work in a kitchen'#I'm like bro respectfully i think this is a bit different from raw meat#and he proceeds to tell me that he watched someone cut part of their finger off???????#like wtf is going on in restaurants#so i was too floored by that response to say shit so he came with me#and to his credit he was very good with all the medical stuff like I'll give him that#he's just so deadpan about everything and it's so funny to me#also he can do a handstand for over a minute#like a few of us were sitting in the office vibing and trying to bond and he just drops that then did it like??#i know so much about this man and yet i know nothing about him#so yeah workhas been fun lately lmao
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i love being an age regressor ૮ᴖﻌᴖა ♡ tonight it feels very affirming and comforting. I've kind of always had to look out for myself and be my biggest supporter, and there are a lot of strange ways this feels like a second chilhood at times.
like i regress to being younger, but I'm also a girl now in a completely different place with completely different circumstances/social circles etc. yk?
but when i feel rly small and my reality feels so big, it makes me happy that older me is there for me to make the important decisions and guide us there :3 it's like i am holding my hand through this, i haven't had an adult rly look out for me like this and it's so nice to have one now!!
i don't have to be scared of big changes, I'm doing good and I'm here for me and i can take it easy. i have someone who is helping me ♡ i have someone who is keeping me safe. they work hard so i can be little ^.^ thanks big sis hehe ✌🏾
ouggghh im not little anymore but (。ノω\。) ♡ yeah. when i am little i can still like.. function as an adult n talk to ppl n stuff. but it's also like, well like i said before ig 0:
like im smaller but different‚ subtly. still me‚ but someone else since I'm like.. a teen?? that i never was. my childhood was nothing like my adulthood so this rly is a whole new thing little me has needed to learn 2 navigate emotionally/mentally.
but as i become more aware of when I'm in a little headspace and not, the difference in perception stands out to me a lot more. i can't articulate it very well... oughh. this is giving me very specific questions, but on that note — i am happy to feel so safe and looked out for when I'm little 😌💕 i used to feel scared and helpless but it's different now. we're doing this together 👩🏽🤝👩🏾 i got ya lil sis
#sometimes I'm a teen sometimes I'm like 6ish??#the latter is rare but hm ૮ – ﻌ–ა when I'm little older me is still aware and can handle talking to ppl and getting the sentiment across n#whatnot. i don't know off the top of my head how different teen me and younger me are from each other 0: or how similar we all are#but bc older me is always aware like we all have my memories and experiences yk? and my littles r just Here and they come n go randomly#i am curious about these headspaces..#oh ? i went into the younger headspace rn (❁´◡`❁) ♡ it is pretty different.#very docile (。ノω\。) not a lot of thoughts just like. vague feelings. she laid on my big plushie n got comfies and drifted away though#idk...... i like.. invited other parts of myself 2 come say hey 2 me and make their presence known#(。・ω・。)ノ so i can take better care of n be more responsible for us since it's not just me yk?#and like teen me is kinda bratty and angsty lol but also such a hoe 💀 i love her akskaka girl..#she's such a daddy's girl low-key?? I've never had a dad or wanted one before lol.. she a lil boycrazy 🙈💕#i mean.. so am i but she's taking it to new heights lol!! 😭 it's interesting what wires get crossed n new connections I'm making these days#but like. they're both p different from me at both their respective ages and just compared to when I'm not regressed.#the teen one's been harder to pin down just bc i kinda go in n out of that one a lot but it's been going on a lot longer than i realize#so like.. i just naturally made space for me to be that way without knowing?? but now when i regress I'm like hey what up ✌🏾😏#ms ma'am's here to vibe for a bit. maybe look at some cute boys‚ maybe talk some shit‚ flirt a little who knows 💀#she's kind of a hoodrat like i was ill give her that lmao 😹 she's fun#she's also a lovergirl who rly cares about our friends just like me ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ ♡ i think on a surface lvl u wouldn't know the difference#between us unless u hung out around me a lot‚ but it's cute to think about ^.^#u are hanging out with us 👩🏽🤝👩🏾💕 we r having fun and appreciate u
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this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think
#.txt#reservoir dogs -#sorry for just randomly posting clips . i was actually working on my vid i swear but then i started Thinking. and here we are.#anyways going genuinely insane in the tags . i'm so sorry. ->#(im only sorry for the sheer amount of tags or if u disagree w/ my interpretations / headcanons. if ur just annoyed lmfao sucks to be you!)#anyways. you guys ever think abt the way orange HAS TO know white's lying to him abt his odds of survival.#bc i think abt that genuinely constantly. all the time thinking about it.#also the ''joe's gonna get you 100% again'' -> first of all . lol. second of all -> ''he was the only one i wasn't 100% on'' hello? HELLO!!#also freddy's voice here makes me feel like punching walls . like it makes me wail in anguish.#no but yeah i think abt the theme of lying & the fact some of the first lies we hear are in this scene in a way#also this part is leaning wayyy harder on headcanon but i always think. like if orange WASNT lying abt who he is. then it'd be reasonable#forhim to not know how likely he is to die and/or how blatantly larry's lying (''i'm talking days!'') but as a cop he SOOO knows he's fcked#but like . what's he gonna do. ''hey i know that's bullshit'' like obviously not and partly bc of How he knows but also bc like#you just don't argue with the only guy who's caring for you while you're seemingly on the brink of death!! LMAO#and certainly not when he's the only one telling you you'll be fine!! even if he's just bullshitting you so you don't freak out!!#I DON'T KNOW i go kinda insane about this scene . as . you can tell.#if you too are insane about this and the implications . don't worry. in several months. my fic will feed you. you will see.#idk . larry lying to and/or for him <33333333 kinda makes me go insane. kinda makes me go wild.#idk. i should be getting ready for bed rn. WHATEVER. bye. logging off. if you read all these i'm in love with you okay#i've just been turngin them around in my head like a microwave for hours so i needed to infodump or else i would explode i think
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i think when i'm at home i don't really mask bc my family is equally as weird as me so i can basically do whatever shit i want
#like i just#sat on the floor after dinner and started bouncing#and ended up sort of ranting about everything i do to act like a human#and my mom was like how do you act literally all day for eight hours everyday??#also i mentioned good omens on two different occasions like twenty minutes after the convo that i related to it was over#like i'm genuinely kinda happy rn?#it feels weird#to be this happy#ive just been existing#literally bouncing around my kitchen#making weird noises#and saying pretty much whatever?#my dad also related to a lot of what i was saying so now idk if either of them are neurodivergent#but then in public around people#if this is how i naturally am then i'm definitely masking#i can't tell whether or not it's disabling me so i still don't know if it's autism#but whatever#i've been posting a lot today i think i should shut up lmao#borf barks#i'm really glad my family is like this
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#look this was probably the most experimental post i've ever done considering i had to make the newspaper article from scratch#and to be entirely honest i uuuh im not happy with it lmao#i should've done an obituary instead of the article but too late ! i have no energy to start again#but whatever .the point is that the article is supposed to allude to alex's death okay so yes obituary would've worked better but too bad#idk i think i just had a massive brain blegh halfway through which sucks because i was thinking about this post all day#but the idea behind the whole concept and the QUOTE in the first place and the stupid article concept#was the idea that nigel wasn't the only one to kill himself at the end of the film#alex did too . just not in the literal sense#alex kills the old version of himself . kills the who he used to be#this did not do that quote or the intention behind the post justice but i'm just gonna dump it here and go#also deep in tags is the best place for me to put the random shit i'm thinking of and i've had the trainyard scene on my mind lately#but i left my thoughts to simmer too long and now it's been reduced into thickness 😞 but anyway#greg may have been too much of a coward to give them the maraclea ending they deserved#but he will never be able to take away the fact that the trainyard scene will always be their version of the myth TO ME and me only probs#okay because that story is supposed to parallel the typical conventions of marriage - the consumation when he lays with the body#and then 9 months later the skull symbolises a birth resulting from their union#that moment at the railway ? where nigel shoots himself with the very gun alex is holding?#that's their consumation babes; their union; their wedding#'pray for me pray for yourself we're one now' may as well be their vows#and what do we get as a result of that union 9 months later? we get jack#jack is the product of these 2 people becoming 1 and just like the skull granted great power to the lord#so too does jack grant power to alex; the power to take control of his life and forge his own path forward#me making this post 🤝 cats : oooooo big stretch#seriously#lowkey glad no one will see this in the tag search lmao#like minds
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Tell the truth comic fans challenge. When's the last time you read a comic and how many have you actually read?
P.S. This isn't me being gatekeepy btw I'm being genuine because I'm gonna be honest I've probably only actually read about five series and every thing else I've gotten from movies/series, online, or fanon. I know all the important events. Have I actually read them? No because my ADHD just wouldn't. And I can't be assed having to read important events if it's in a shit run by a bad writer.
#Also ngl I was determined to read from the very start but. I would not have the time for that in any life so lmao#I have read quite a few of the early Batman comics and do actually hope to read as many of his as possible#But I have not actually sat and read all of the Batfam origins yet tho I intend to#I know them all and I've seen the panels just never actually sat down and gone through it all#I also have read a lot of the Golden Era Batman and Superman team up comics where they basically act like parents#Taking Dick out on family day trips. It's a fun read tbh#And back when I was a early teen and couldn't afford comics I watched YouTuber who would read them for you and tell you about them/show you#So I've read half of Batman Eternal from that but he stopped uploading vids about it which made me really sad lmao#So I need to get around to reading the rest myself/rereading it because it's been a while#I think I liked the story but wouldn't canonise it in my mind#I also read a bit of Suicide Sqaud that way I think? So that too#I totally don't pirate read Injustice#I like it but I think some of it is iffy. But that's the case with comics in general#Batman: Wayne Family Adventures is the only I actually keep up with#Probably because it's more accessible but also because it's the kind of comic I've wanted about the Batfam for ages#There's room for improvement and I would like to see how one similar to that style would be made like. In the fully canon mainstream comics#Because I'm aware it's very fanon/fan servicey but honesty after all the DC chaos we deserve it. But I would like to see more family#Urban Legends is really good. But Idk. I'm very particular about my vision lmao#Let me be a writer is what I'm saving. Or make a competant TV show *Glares at Titans*#Titans is good but God do they fucking butcher Jason and Bruce. I am sick of DC TV and film adaptions doing the Batfam dirty#Like. The animated movies#Tim just is never a thing ever. Why#Titans does have him and I like that. But I haven't watched that season ngl because I don't like how they write Bruce#Like. He doesn't. Look for cjild soldiers bruh. I'm disappointed with Titans because they coulda done so well#But Bruce is far too old and they made Dick almost murderous with him and they fucked up Jason. I haven't seen Tim's-#-Characterisation yet but I'm scared to at this point#Alfred must be fucking dead because he would be SO OLD if Bruce is already like 60 bruh. No offence to the actor but yeah.#Chella Man is the best thing about the show. Tbf I adore the cast other than Bruce. But everyone is just so OOC and it doesn't-#Stick to the comics at all#Idk it just. Isn't it lmao
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#sometimes i go through my following list and i get a little emotional lol#i still follow a lot of old mutuals who haven't been on here in like literally 4 years#idk why i still follow them but i just can't bring myself to click on that unfollow button#and i just looked at a bunch of these blogs and I'm just like#how did these people go from being on tumblr all day every day and loving this band and these boys more than anything to niall who?#like some of these people used to be on tumblr 24/7 and then they just. moved on i guess? how does that even work lmao#like even all these big popular niall blogs that everyone knew back in 2014/15#all of them just. left#haven't heard from them in years#i still follow a few people on instagram#but i don't think they still care about 1d or what the boys are doing#and like it's fine! obviously#i'm just confused dkfksf#like how do you move on from this#how do you spend every day on this website for years and then you just. stop#how can you be so obsessed with someone for years and now you don't even know that they released a new song#like yes I've had a lot of hyperfixations and i moved on from them#but most of them only lasted for a couple weeks and it was never on a one direction level lol#but i know these people spent years on tumblr in this fandom#they made gifsets and everything had a bunch of friends on here and talked about one direction 24/7#and now. nothing#idk i'm rambling lmao#it just baffles me that some people go from one extreme (being completely obsessed) to another extreme (not caring at all)#anyway i should go to sleep
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Looking at my upcoming schedules and crying because i'll be making enough money to survive and maybe have a little extra usually
Looking at my upcoming Schedules and crying because i'm working 40 hours a week and I can see my comic-making dreams get slowly crushed lile in one of them hydraulic press videos 🥲
#monster noises#not to mention the Amount i have to get up at 5 in the Fucking morning.#like just cut out a hunk of my brain now cause that is Essentially what is going to happen.#also funny thing i've been hearing over the last week that's like.....#it somehow never occured to me that basically no one knows I was a manager at my last job lmao#cause people keep telling me 'full time is a lot of work!'#and i'm like???? i'm fully 27 and ran a store for 4 years I Know#there's a reason i got the position after working here for only 6 months#on a more sombre note i do.. consider lookoyng at other jobs#knowing that working where i'm at was exactly Not what I wanted at all#with many of the same Big Picture issues as my last job#(but with a Much better day-to-day)#and my old manager has offered a job doing clerical desk work on a set schedule...#but I just... ahhhh idk#idkidkidk#hurts my brain to think about#i feel like i Should be able to do better#pull something that gets me 20/hr#but my experience earlier this year tells me No#I Can't#I just want a situation like what johnny simms had to make tma#but perhaps more cheerful#just lay me gently in the river and let me pass away
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#the thing about me is that i am unwell. i will sit here like hm im not working hard enough#im spending too much time on these manuscripts and thats selfish. and like wtf r u even saying?????#literally u r working toward public that will bring credit to ur lab wtf is wrong with u? i do the same thing when im spending 3hrs doing#algae transfers bc im like this isnt hard so im not actually being productive. fucking what the fuck????#im not allowed to enjoy things. no data entry. too fun. no codin. too fun. i must be slightly miserable to in agony at all times#why? i have no fucking idea. its entirely self imposed. ive never been pushed to work harder on things my brain just decides im not doing#enough. why???? im a neurotic little wind up doll compelled by logic that doesnt make sense#at least i canceled with that bad therapist bc idk fuck that now i gotta find someone else :-P#but im trying to be nicer anyway. trying. but i get bored and with boring comes the desire to make myself insane bc idk thsts at least#slightly interesting. there r 2 wolves inside me. one is just trying to live its life and the other is trying to smother thst 1st one lol#me: i will work all day and all night i can work on non-work work as a treat#this is why i have dreams abt ppl being devoured my polar bears in front of me and horrible natural disasters#i think theyd b nightmares if i wasnt always so calm in my dreams. i just wake up like him ive aquired disturbing images#uuuuuhhhhhhhuhuh i dont wanna work on more writing 😫 but I've gotta get this last application done#on a more positive note i now have full hearing back in my right ear lmao#unrelated
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Nothing more scary as an adult than having to call out of work for the 2nd or 3rd time this week because your dysautonomia is fuckin with you, making it difficult to think clearly or do anything more taxing than sitting on the couch.
#fox isn't doing well#chronic fatigue#dysautonomia#autonomic dysfunction#ive been so fuckin tired this whole week#and I don't think ive been properly warm either#except when my body decides it's TOO warm and then i feel like im in a sauna#and the brain fog is seriously bad rn too#like 1) having to call out multiple times so close together makes me fear I'll lose my job#(even tho we're short staffed and my supervisors are kinder and more understanding than that)#and 2) i have bills to pay and I've missed all but 5hrs of work this week already#and let me tell you there aint shit i can do with $75 lmao#and trying to figure out what to tell them and how much is like#impossible for my brain to handle even on a good day#like i was completely up front at my last job about my conditions because i was working at a national park#and there was a safety thing to consider#but this job isn't like that so like. idk. but i just feel like its easier to have open conversations about these things#so that there aren't future misunderstandings and we can work out contingency plans ahead of time#but i know that's like#a Big No-no or whatever#fox thoughts
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so i'm taking a uni class this semester in part to see if i even still like higher education enough to actively try for grad school and in part (if the answer is yes) to have a potential letter of rec prof. it's a history class about memoirs and one of the assignments is writing your own memoir.
and like the prof was like "well everyone has a story to tell so even if you think your life is boring there's usually something there" and i fundamentally agree with that - everyone has a story to tell and even the most mundane life has the potential to be a really interesting memoir. my problem is less that my life is relatively boring (it is) and more that between depression, adhd, and brain fog memory issues most of my childhood and teen years are utterly incomprehensible to me. what was i doing at 15? fuck if i know man!!!! the level of memory detail needed to decide what the hell i'm going to write about for this project is just not something i have.
#i've been thinking about this on and off for the last couple of days bc we have to turn in what we want to write about on weds#and seriously all i can come up with is like. when i came out to my mom bc that's maybe the most vivid memory i have#of my late teen years. and i feel like i have things i can say about it and the like. repression of the queer that happens in my family.#even my time in japan im like. well it'd be fun to write about but i don't really have anything to SAY about it. it'd be autobiographical#but not a memoir. which is true for a lot of my life tbh. i dont feel particularly interrogative about most of my existence lmao#my other thought was something about my grandma - there's this strong memory i have of her a couple of years before she died#and i feel like i could find something to say about her. but at the same time idk maybe not????#im also like. ugh writing about coming out feels. so cliche lmao.#trying to make sense of my own life to write a narrative about it is hardddd how do memoirists do it#liveblogging life#also being in this class is SO funny 2 me bc it's like me (31) a bunch of twentysomethings and one 60 year old man
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#bro i finally pirated y/oung sheIdon s7 after rewatching the first 6 seasons on netfIix like 3 times this year lmfao 💀#it's sucha like nice digestible show ya know idk lmao#anyway spoilers ahead lol#anyway i cried so much what the fuck#god fucking damn it missy and georgie at george's funeral fuck#i loveeeee missy and george's relationship ;-; when they showed her looking at the tiara i started crying sm#ugh ;-; love georgie sm too#it's a rly good show like thinking about it i'm just like wow#idk like the humor and the heartfelt stuff and everything#;-; and all the characters are so good i can't hate anyone#i love them all i just especially love missy georgie and george lol#and mandy but i feel like we don't get as much time w her#actually i do hate someone - mandy's mom idc fuck her#ig she was also undertssandable and stuff but . i hate her LOL#anyway do i stil work on this job app tn or just leave it for tmrw lmao#i feel like i've been pretty good at doing work for a few hours at least during the day this week#and then not doing shit at home at night#but today i didn't go do work somewhere else so i did not do anything LOL#it's so funny how consistent it is that i can't do work at my apartment 💀#and especially can't do work at home home so i better finish some stuff this week lmfao#jeanne talks#hm yeahhhhh i'm not doing any more work rn LMFAO maybe i find another show or whatever idk#lets keep the onslaught of media coming so i dont have to think about other things :DDDDDDDDDDDDD
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