#lmao idk if any of that is helpful or even new information

[gremzon]

I might have OCD actually

[guide-for-the-untrained-eye]

ATTENTION ATTENTION STARKID, PULP, TCB, SMOSH AND SW FANS!!!

I apologise now for the many tags, but this is important, as many algorithms have just been pushing down these.

I come as a messenger of the good word of Tinlightenment to remind y’all that this Tin Can KS is ALL OR NOTHING! This means if we don’t get that last 90k, NONE of these are going to happen.

If y’all liked Headless from Shipwrecked’ Comedy (which idk how yoh wouldn’t lmao), we’ve got some amazing people from Headless in these projects, like James, Tom Lenk, the obvious babes with the bros, Curt, and OF COURSE MK! Thats just for Spy Another Day, as we have folks like Gabe in Solve It Squad and which also has Ashley from Poe Party AND The Lizzie Bennet Diaries! I feel like all these amazing amazing people deserve the chance to do more projects with each other in this circle!

I also know many of you like Joe Walker, and Joe said he’d come back for this, BUT said on stream that if they don’t get this, he’s not coming back to acting AT ALL. And I know no one wants that, let’s not let Joe down there!

And for a bonus draw to the StarKid fandom, especially the OG potterheads, just like with the Wiggly, Corey will be giving away a copy of the AVPSY script to a backer. If you want to put in for the drawing, just make sure you have backed!

Now to the Pulp fans, we’ve got 3/4 main leads in the Spy Another Day show! We would get Mariah as the lounge singer at the start, James as the informant, and Curt as, well, Agent Curt Mega. But ONLY if we get this!

As for y’all Smoshheads (do y’all have a fandom name idk?), the only way we get the amazing trio of Arasha, Angela, and Chase on The Great Debate is if we GET THIS LAST 90K! If y’all enjoy Arasha lying to everyone and the reactions to that, The Great Debate is right up your alley, I guarantee!

Not to mention the NEW NEW projects like Gross Prophets AND Intelligent Life which we just will NOT get if we don’t reach the goal, and that quite genuinely would be so upsetting, especially with Gross Prophets as this is the FIRST TCB project to have two AMAZING women (Ali Gordon and Angela Parrish) taking the helm on original music which would be AWESOME to see!

And for overseas peeps this also allows them to do shows out fo the US for the FIRST TIME EVER! Not only will they be doing a smaller version of Spy Another Day, but the reason they’ll be in the area is to also do the EDINBURGH FRINGE FEST with Solve it Squad which would be MASSIVE! Plus we will also get stuff in Adelaide as well! Alongside those we WILL get digital tickets for many of them, so even if you aren’t in the area, don’t let that deter you from pledging!

If anyone is waiting because they don’t have money now but will at the end, DO NOT WORRY! Just like with all Kickstarters prior and in the future, the money doesn’t come out it until AFTER the campaign is over! So get those pledges in now babes! Please we need all of your help!

Please, please go to tinlightenment.com and pledge, even 10-20 dollars is enough to help the bros pull off so many of these cool projects that ONLY can happen with your help. If you like any of these creators, please please help!

[brain-rot-central]

What are your thoughts on the whole Gale and Mystra situation?

Putting this under a cut because it's a bit loaded lol

Gale was groomed, 100%. He was led to believe that he was the best, she made him her Chosen, going as far as sleeping with him is insane (I don't know much about DnD lore but idk if any of the other Gods have ever slept with their Chosen), and then EVEN WHEN SHE'S TURNED HER BACK ON HIM, she sends her new Chosen to inform Gale that the only way he can get back into her good graces is by blowing himself up.

That serves as two offerings to Mystra: 1) Gale offing himself because he dared to defy Mystra by playing with Netherese magic and 2) ending the blight of the Absolute which threatens her ability to control and manipulate others.

I think Gale genuinely did love Mystra. Most victims in situations like that do. Gale was a means to an end for Mystra. She would have eventually used his abilities to help further her cause if the whole orb business never happened.

Gale is a powerful and talented wizard who had incredible potential as a child. Mystra's obviously known that from the beginning. She gave him all the perceived love and reassurance he may not have been receiving at home due to lacking another parental figure and dug her claws into him, slowly molding him to exactly what she wanted/needed.

It's gross and I feel really bad for Gale. I love Gale as a character. He talks too much but I will say his personality is probably the closest to mine out of all the companions.

He just blurts out info even if it's not necessarily the best time because reading the room is challenging and the urge to do it is just so strong he can't fight it. He falls in love hard and is genuinely offended when you suggest having a poly relationship. I love his response of, "You're not a loaf of bread to be divided up at supper time!" I literally went "hmm that's an out-there analogy I would come up with," the first time I heard it lmao

I often respond to most of his quips or info dumping as "ok grandpa Gale, let's get you to bed," but internally I'm like "yeah I'd probably say the same thing dude, word" 😩

Gale does make the best cuck canonically but I do love our middle-aged wizard. And his awkward rizz. Fuck Mystra. He should jerk off onto her statue and just leave it.

[onboardsorasora]

'I dunno what this is' - my usual trope lmao but I'm just happy to have written something. this week was great emotionally but also exhausting and a drag so this may not be the greatest but I'm happy about it. As always, idk where this is going or if its even going anywhere. also as always, I haven't read it over lol we are working with vibes over here. I had this idea last night so theres that at least

Lewis stares at the guy who is supposed to be replacing Seb for the summer break, while he goes off on a well needed family vacation. Originally Lewis hadn’t needed a supplemental security guy, but then he’d started getting an increased amount of hate mail again ever since he eclipsed Max and Charles to be P1 in the championship standings again.

It was a great feeling, being P1. Even if the trade off sometimes meant that people took out their pitchforks.

Either way, he didn’t think this new guy would make the cut. He was cute, but he needed more than a pretty face to keep him safe. Didn’t matter if he came by Seb's personal request.

He was cute in a douchey Italian way, with his grown in facial hair and kinda wild curls. Lewis watched him as Seb gave him the run down, he was listening attentively at least and nodding along. Finally they joined Lewis out on the terrace, Seb looking as stern as ever and the new guy looking chill as if they were here for lunch.

“Lewis, this is Daniel Ricciardo, the guy I told you about.” Seb introduced, Daniel leaned forward to shake Lewis’ hand with a smile. Lewis looked him up and down, trying to place the military training that Seb claimed they had together. He didn’t see it, but he trusted his guy.

“Enchante.” Daniel grinned.

“You look like you were out partying last night, man.” Lewis said with a grin. Daniel laughed and his face got maybe ten times prettier.

“Yeah nah that's just my face. I can't help my dashing his looks.” Daniel shrugged carelessly. “I've been told it's quite punchable but what can you do, eh?”

That startled a laugh out of Lewis which in turn made Daniel grin even more. Lewis wanted to amend his previous impression of him, he was dangerous.

“So Seb says you’ve had an uptick in threatening DMs?” Daniel’s face became more focused, brows drawn in. it was Lewis’ turn to be blaise.

“No more than usual.” Lewis shrugged, he saw Seb shift from his periphery and Daniel raised a brow. 

Daniel made a clicking sound with his tongue before turning to Seb. “Yeah, I’ll just stay, those kinda threats can go left pretty fast.” He was motioning with his hands and Lewis couldn’t stop looking at his fingers. His hands looked strong, steady. He had a tattoo on his wrist but his long sleeves prevented Lewis from seeing much else. 

“Ah, bet.” Seb was saying. “And Lew is vegan, like I told you. That won’t be a problem I assume?”

Lewis wanted to roll his eyes, as if he would force anyone to become vegan to work for him. Daniel grinned again and Lewis was drawn to his face.

“Oh yeah I'm cool with being vegan for the next month or so.” Then he laughed, a wild but fun sound, “I had a fried chicken burger this morning as a send off anyway.”

“For breakfast?” Lewis asked dubiously.

“For brekkie. With an oat milk latte.” Daniel crossed his heart as if he was attempting to be a boy scout. Lewis was horrified with himself to find out that it was endearing him to the unserious man.

“Alright perfect. Thanks man, you really are doing me a solid.” Seb looked relieved that Daniel seemed to have passed some test. Lewis hadn’t realized any of them were being tested, but he trusted that Seb knew what he was looking for.

“No sweat mate, call us even for Ibiza.” Daniel grinned a squinty eyed grin when Seb threw his head back and cackled. Lewis looked on confused but content to let it go, he would have more than enough time in the next few weeks to try to get information out of Daniel. Especially information about how Seb was when they were younger.

Daniel eventually left with a spare key, saying he would go pack a bag and be back in an hour. It was just Lewis and Seb.

“You sure about this guy?” Lewis asked, leaning against the kitchen counter and staring into his friend’s blue blue eyes.

“100% I trust him with my life. Just.. keep your regular schedule, he’ll blend in an you’ll forget he’s even here.” Seb shrugged, Lewis looked at him dubiously.

“Yeah fine. If you say so.” 

They walked to the door together, Seb would be heading back to Switzerland tonight. Seb looked at him assessing for a moment.

“Be truthful with me, if you’re uncomfortable with the situation we can figure something out.”

“No, Seb it’s fine. Go, have fun with Kimi and the kids. We’ll be fine here.” Lewis rolled his eyes.

“Fine fine. Sure sure. Just promise me something?”

“What’s that?”

Seb’s eyes became teasing. “Don’t fuck him, yeah?” Then he cackled all the way out the door, leaving Lewis stunned.

[zeivira]

Also I know you said that Wilhelm probably wouldn’t be as close with Subaru due to Heinkel’s presence, but I’d like to think that he still thinks very fondly of Subaru as the one who made the fight against the Whale possible. Perhaps he decides to work to save his life as a form of repaying the debt? (Even while Subaru insists that he’s fine, please—)

I still personally really adore the idea of Subaru falling asleep right after the fight against he Whale because it was exhausting and scaring the crap out of Wilhelm and also the entire army. I know that technically doesn’t fit with the idea of Heinkel having sought him out due to rumors of his condition, but it’s such a funny alternative scene— or maybe Heinkel only found out because he’s like a bloodhound for information on Sleeping Diseases idk—

Absolutely!! Subaru and him interact less but he still 100% cares about Subaru and would try to save him!! The only thing all three Astrea have in common is that they all want to save Subaru lmao.

…yes, all three, because although Heinkel is only onboard to save Louanna, I imagine he would end up working with the Emilia Camp instead of the Priscilla Camp here (Emilia can also help him get the Dragon’s Blood after all?) and Subaru is a bit like fungus, grows on you after a while. 

In canon, he kinda sees Schult as the “son he never had” so in this case, he sees Subaru as that L M A O. Or maybe his pet rat. That’s also accurate. Poor Rein either way.

As Subaru is “ill” I imagine most people (including Wilhelm!) would insist Subaru shouldn't be present during the whale fight. OFC Subaru is not skipping that, so he would go either way. And Subaru also doesn’t like looking weak, so i 100% imagine he would try to sleep a little *before* the whale hunt so as to not give them any other reason to call him that. 

Of course, this would be the exact moment in which Wilhelm and Crusch go fetch him to talk about some Classified Information… Wilhelm would be uncomfortable af at seeing him sleeping peacefully, Crusch would be having war trauma (Fourier!) and Heinkel would be scoffing and muttering something like: “You dipshits, he is sleeping, not dead.” while sitting next to Subaru’s bed.

(About your other Ask i havent replied to yet— You do raise a good point OP. Reinhard's scene WAS a good scene...OKAY... won't write it rn because I have an important deadline soon and I really can't write when stressed, not even short scenes, but I shall try writing it later (in two weeks or so?) when I have more free time (I'm starting a new job :D). If i do manage to write something interesting I shall post it as a reply to your other ask instead of in Ao3 though! Will be tagging all No Rest for The Wicked stuff under that tag now so you can find the ask easily when i post. No idea how anon asks work lmao)

[actuallyadhd]

hiii. I'm 23F, at college. I've always done certain things and behaved certain ways that I've found some adhd related advice helpful or some experiences relatable, but lately it's been starting to pile up and i feel like i can't just ignore it bc i sense something is not quite "right". Even if I do well enough at life and stuff i still struggle a lot with yknow, focusing and doing things and it makes me more stressed etcetc. I texted my therapist, who I originally saw for another issue entirely and since I've been doing better for a while now our sessions are a lot more spread out, I explained a bit of what's happening rn (without ever mentioning adhd just saying I've been having issues), she says she doesn't think it's something organic but rather stress-related and that i should try to put reminders on my phone etc, bc it only seems to be affecting some aspects of my life and not all of them and just. idk there's not many more to my life than study/work, social and personal and it does affect that but idk. i also don't do great with strict organizational rules or planning bc historically I've always failed at following correctly and felt terrible about it afterwards, so i do very loose plans as to not burdening myself. idk I'm rambling i feel my brain is fried rn and i can't sit down and finish an assigment that's due in 6 hours hahhahaha lmao this is fine

Sent June 5, 2024

I hope you were able to look after that assignment. If not, contact your instructor right away and just say that you're feeling burned out and would appreciate an extension. They may or may not give it to you, but at least that way they know you care.

It sounds like you're definitely stressed out, and that makes sense. Even without ADHD symptoms, post-secondary is stressful!

It does sound like what you've been doing isn't really working anymore, so once you've gotten through this semester you can spend some time figuring out something different.

For now, it's the end of the term and you probably have exams to study for and assignments to complete, so let's get that sorted so you know what you need to do.

List all of your upcoming exams, with date and time.

List all of your outstanding assignments, with due dates.

Give each a score of 1-5 based on how hard it's going to be to study for/complete on time.

Sort your list by date and then by difficulty.

For exams, figure out how many days you have until your exam and then decide what you're going to study on each day. This might be a topic or it could just be a chapter in the text book.

For assignments, figure out what you need to do for each one (smallest steps you can think of) and how many days you have until they're due. Then give yourself a due date for each step of the assignment.

If you need help with any of this figuring out, write in again with more information, and I'll do what I can. We can also talk about new systems you could try.

Followers, do you have any advice for this Anon?

-J

[alexsgrimoire]

Plurality & Paganism: An Introspective

If any of you keep up with my main (@sinfulauthor), you may have noticed this post, along with my new pinned post. In short, I've come to the realization (after burying the thought of it for many years) that we are a Collective.

Now, how does this impact this blog and my craft?

To start off, this blog's content will remain the same. It will still primarily act as an e-grimoire with some additional posts, but the people posting what content will change. Specifically, these people:

-Alex (they/them), the host (hi!). I'll generally do most of the talking/posting. Works with The Signless/Sufferer and Dionysus. ANP that the IRL coven knows. (I'm not open with them about being a Collective just yet.)

-Vaati (he/him), who works with Demise and focuses on divination. Writes solely in cursive and gets VERY frustrated when grimoire notes are in standard print.

-Ghira (he/him), who works with Demise closer than Vaati for Obvious Reasons™️. (Though he generally doesn't do any actual spellwork, just offerings, worship, and altar setup.)

-Karkat (he/they) on occasion, solely because Signless HAS shown himself to him and is very much a Dad™️.

-Toko (she/her) has not yet "awakened." She was a former kin heavily associated with our craft. Taking bets on her being a spellcrafter/writer.

So, now that the roll call is done, onto some other stuff regarding plurality and paganism, the introspection the title mentions. (This will be below the cut as it's not as integral to the "functioning" of this blog.)

So, coming to the realization as a system was... interesting. We first became aware of dissociative disorders through Danganronpa (Yes, Toko's horrible representation. We know.) and related to Toko heavily. At the time, we were heavily involved in the Fictionkin community and had "memories" of those "timelines." However, this relatability on the DID aspect was soon hidden under the guise of "I like to write, and so does she! Also super traumatized like me lmao," and then we didn't think about it for five more years.

Come 2023, we've relapsed for the first time in four years and are going through some pretty traumatic stuff again. At an Esbat in September, an argument breaks out that causes us to dissociate and brings up those really painful feelings from childhood. Nothing felt real, and the rest of the night was foggy. (The people in the argument have since apologized. It was also an extremely stressful night due to our old High Priest being ousted for sexual misconduct not even 4 hours before we started.)

At this point, this whole debacle causes us to realize, "Hey, this isn't really a normal trauma response. There might be something else going on." We have a lot of friends who are systems, and we went to them asking, "Hey, do you like. think we're a system?" and FIVE OF THEM SNIFFED US OUT YEARS AGO AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELL US??? Like maybe that would have been useful information, idk (We still love our friends to bits, though)

So, fast forward to 2024. Still in the process of diagnosis but receiving trauma-focused therapy to process things. It's been a long process of figuring out how to live/function as someone with a dissociative disorder, but we're learning.

Thankfully, having a good support network has been a great help. We have an almanac (specifically The Practical Witch's 2024 Almanac by Friday Gladheart) to track our craft/spiritual work, and it's interesting to see the input of everyone in the collective. It's a lot of taking things day by day and seeing how things go, but we feel the energy around us changing.

Anyway, ramble over. If y'all read this to the end, thanks for sticking around. I've got some other posts we plan on making, so keep an eye out for those, too.

Signing off,

Alex of the Magic Collective

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[queenpiranhadon]

It's-a me with a new book series to hyper fixate on

So ehem I just finished the first book of the Inheritance Games (not adding it to my fandoms list until after I finish the series tho) and uh...

(spoilers below the cut)

BAHAHA XANDER WITH HIS SCONES I CAN'T- HE'S GONNA BECOME A POLITICIAN AND CREATE ENEMIES AND ALLIES SOLELY BY GIVING THEM BLUEBERRY OR LEMON SCONES HELP-

And the ending though?? Like I WANT Xander to go to Avery and work together because they both have crucial information but I also want him to get the recognition he deserves I will die on that hill.

Jameson seriously gives me Sirius Black + James Potter vibes (idk is that just me 😭). But like 👏🏾 do 👏🏾 not 👏🏾 treat 👏🏾 Avery like a piece in this big game, get over your dead ex and tell her you love her pls and thank you.

But like you know those videos about the best book boyfriends and their nicknames (idk maybe it's just me lmao) but like "Heiress" and "Mystery Girl" and "Cinderella" I'm squealing.

Grayson- okay there's a lot to him. I am in love with Avery's chemistry with Jameson but Grayson's chemistry with her is adorable too (in the first book at least). Like they start nerding out about statistics and probability like I want a man who will not only just judge me but join me as I overanalyze the implications of outfit, song, and set choices in movies or question the bounds of the universe and talk about the possibilities of the fourth dimension thank you very much.

But like, he has suffered a lot, even if nothing is really his fault, he takes it upon himself to blame himself because believes as the all-knowing Hawthorne he is responsible for everything. That being said, he could've been maybe less of an asshole in the beginning like man wdym by "you're injured and you will tell me why." like yes, that amount of dominance is attractive at certain moments but dude just leave the poor girl alone 😭

Nash I relate to on a spiritual level like oldest sibling, knows pretty much everything that his sibling are still trying to figure out, couldn't care less, doesn't care less, etc etc like join the club lmao. Obviously though, being in the Hawthorne family and having three extremely clever younger brothers all competitive in their own way, he's definitely felt undermined before and probably just stopped trying to be better. And I get that, even if I still try to be better than my own younger brother but he's just living his life, razzing up girls as one does lmao.

And his relationship with Libby...don't get me wrong, they're adorable together, like he's persistent in making sure she's secure and stable and his overprotectiveness is well...ehem he wants this things as they are lmaoo. But even so, I'm still a little wary about him because of his dating history but who knows maybe he'll prove me wrong.

Avery's so funny like first thing she thinks about when meeting any of the Hawthorne's (the grandsons I mean) is damn he's hot. And I mean after everything, I just love her, her reactions are on point, she's just trying to figure stuff out lmao.

I'm leaving my rant here uhm sorry for the essay heh

[owlbelly]

man i can't stop thinking about that antidepressant post going around (this is really long & not happy)

the one that started out as someone comparing taking their SSRI to taking insulin or thyroid medication, & turned into other people linking all the studies showing that the serotonin deficiency / "chemical imbalance" theory of depression has been pretty well debunked & that doctors/scientists don't really understand how a lot of psych medication works, particularly SSRIs, so you can't really compare taking a medication for something your body actually physically lacks or that's correcting a chemically measurable problem to taking a psych med that isn't doing either of those things (no one is measuring your brain chemicals & there's no agreed upon baseline for something like seratonin - a re-uptake inhibitor isn't making you make any more of it either it's just prolonging its effects in your system)

like. idk. i understand that the science is demonstrably faulty & that advertising campaigns for medications are the reason the popular conception of innate "chemical imbalance" persists even among doctors! this is not new information to me & it's obviously critical to talk about it & continue to do research.

but i also feel like there has got to be a way to talk about it that doesn't implicitly shame or, idk, outright deny the experience of people for whom taking SSRIs has been life-improving or even life-saving? "this stuff doesn't work the way they tell you it does" is one thing, but it so quickly seems to turn into "this stuff doesn't do anything at all (except hurt you)" which is...literally just not true. we can question whether or not medication is the best choice for someone, we can criticize the intersection of capitalism & medicine that's resulted in poorly understood medication with serious side effects being pushed through to sales, we can talk about how structural/societal change would help most of us MUCH more, etc. etc.

but for some people nothing else works, or nothing else works without an additional boost, or nothing else is accessible (which is fucked). these are shit circumstances. idk i think the wording on that post was like "it's fine if you feel like they help you but don't spread this misinformation about depression as a chemical imbalance" & i guess "it's fine if you feel like they help you" always reads to me as "okay sweetie, you have the right to enjoy your poison placebo." clearly they fucking do help sometimes. we don't know how exactly & we should be concerned about lying corporations & shitty institutions, but like...some people are clearly getting results from them. not all of them good results! but good enough that we can function & live, otherwise we wouldn't take them.

lmao maybe i just don't know how to not feel like shit about any discussion of SSRIs, since i have taken them longer than almost anyone i know (almost 25 years) & from a young enough age that they've possibly shaped the development of my brain in ways that no one really understands & the side effects have definitely shaped my life & i have never been able to function without them! maybe i never will be able to now. was it wrong for them to be prescribed to me in the first place? idk i was pretty set on being dead at that point. maybe i would have been okay, maybe not. i've tried to taper off them multiple times, both with doctor supervision & without. it fucking sucks & i stop feeling like living. should i do it again & stick it out to the point of wanting to die because "depression isn't actually a chemical imbalance" & i am just a duped pawn of big pharma?

or am i SSRIs Georg now, who has been taking Prozac for a quarter of a century & does have a resulting "chemical imbalance" & is an outlier, should not have been counted

sorry i hate this i hate being both critical of & also dependent on psych meds, i hate the way everyone talks about it. people who are pro-meds always act like no one is ever forced to take them or stigmatized for not taking them & that the science around them is clear-cut, people who are anti-meds always talk like there's no stigma around taking psych medication (lmao! even antidepressants!) & also like they're just shit placebos for idiots.

i super hate not knowing what 25 years of SSRIs has done to my body & also being pants-shittingly terrified of trying to remove them from my life. it all fucking blows i just want to see a little more compassion for all of us trying to survive here in whatever way we can

[golbrocklovely]

Well I completely disagree with you. While sharing every single full video would be wrong, sharing smth small is literally not a big deal and it’s nobody’s waste of money. If anything it can even invite someone to that website, if they find the clip interesting.

With that being said. Snc whole brand is surrounded by them making money out of everything. Merch, videos, main channel, react channel, website etc etc. it really won’t hurt their wallets or anyone else’s if someone shares a 15 seconds clip from their website. People are anyway still signing for it, moreover the clip can as i said bring some new people (usually people do not like pay money for something blindly, so in a way those people helps them advertise it… and let’s face it… that members is not cheap), nobody will loose their money that they invested in that website, just bc some user4729$3 decided to share a few seconds clip from xplore. And just to be clear, i don’t really give a damn how snc make their money and how much they have it or wants to have, but because we live in tough times where not all of us have the same opportunities, then being mad as a person that was lucky enough to be born within a family that gave you a roof, food, phone, television and money for your own better future (like better education or even some connections for better job) at people who decided to share A FEW SECONDS CLIP is just stupid. Whether you are a member or not, being mad at such a short clip is stupid, especially that those clips aren’t something idk private or something completely different that snc do. There are really bigger problems on this world than a 15 seconds clip from xplore.com roaming around Twitter

look, i feel like i explained myself enough in my previous response to you. personally, i don't get why you are upset at ppl being upset when others share stuff from a site that clearly you aren't on or apart of since you continue to get the site's name wrong.

and if there are more important things to talk about going on in the world, why are you talking about this? just asking.

when you sign up for the site, you literally agree to NOT SHARING anything from it. otherwise you could get banned. it's really that simple. but hey, you do you. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

not only that, but as someone that does pay for the site, i don't want to see shit from the site leaked onto twitter or tiktok or insta or any other platform. the entire point of the content is that it is exclusive. meaning that NOT EVERYONE IS MEANT TO SEE THE CONTENT. ppl are going to be excluded, that is the entire point of the platform. and as i stated before, i am by no means rich or well off. i literally live below the poverty line, almost lost my house multiple times, and will most likely have to start working a second job bc i do not make enough to get by whatsoever. that being said, if i couldn't afford it, i wouldn't expect someone to share the info with me just bc i'm a fan of snc. you're not owed exclusive content just bc you're poor and a fan of snc. sorry, that's just the way it is. it isn't life or death information. it's just random fucking videos.

and bffr, if you are someone that is struggling that much; can't afford a house, food, a job, a higher education, and have a shitty fucking family…. i highly doubt you give a single flying fuck about snc or xplrclub. you have bigger fish to fry.

also snc have almost 13 mil subs and advertise xplrclub regularly on their videos. they don't need free promo lmao

[chanstopher]

(for some reason I can ask via my fan account(

But I just want to say I feel you with the stay and KPop fandom comments. I see so many taking it too far and can't seem to recognise that they are creating parasocial relationships in their heads and narrative around situations they had a 2% outsider view of what's happened - and yet they act like they are coming from facts and reading the minds of others. I find it baffling.

I'm a LOT older, but it's always been nice connecting to those from different age groups via fandoms before. However, KPop ones really push me away from engaging. I try and recall back to my younger days with being in fandoms of pop groups and whilst there may have been issues between people from time to time, I don't recall anything to the level I see in Kpop where people get lynched and fans seemed to have had a firm grasp of reality and their place in terms of being a fan and crossing a celebrities boundaries. I don't think KPop stan's behaviour to be new, but in the age of social media and information being so easily accessible, it seems to have amplified certain types of behaviours and attitudes or, probably more likely, groomed and encouraged certain fan attitudes. I dunno.

someday tumblr will work fully. idk if its a sideblog or just tumblr being insane lol

I do feel like in the 2010"s it was a lot easier to find a corner of any fandom you could just be happy in, but with how many (negative) opinions ppl project constantly now its a lot harder, and then we all get sad about lack of engagement without thinking that maybe its the vobes we give off. like if ur rude or closed off or wont take someone elses opinion ppl are going to be afraid to engage and its sad. when i have a 1d blog i had maybe 4k followers at its peak and i would have dozens of asks a day because ppl were so engaged with everything all the time. now if someone dislikes a song they get death threats lmao. i think its why i make sure to answer asks and talk to anyone who tries to talk to me, i dont want ppl to have such a sad fandom experience. I remember being so excited when big accounts talked to me and were kind and helpful that i always felt like it was part of the experience. like the bigger my blog is the more i feel responsible for being accessible and welcoming because i want that so much for other ppl. i just dont get the amount of hostility and bitchiness that comes alnog with social media now. not that i dont get pissed off or dislike things or even ppl, i just try not to focus on it beyond the necessity (like ppl stealing content or stories)

i will say i find it to be such a weird thing that when i was a teen liking 1d i was so excited they had adult fans (as long as it wasnt weird ppl iykyk) but now a 15 year old will be like you who are the same age as that idol how weird for you to like them?! and im like...... what? i hated ppl thinking the things i liked were a teen or childhood phase when i was young and now ppl get so aggressive about it in the opposite way i get so confused lol in the end im just happy to have my happy little corner where i can ignore all of the weird ass behavior the rest of the internet seems so happy to engage in lol

[tsunflowers]

I was playing idol land again and thinking about my pripara ocs.... do you want to hear about them..... I made up two new ones yesterday....

I need to actually draw them bc I have Visions but anyway

the three on the left are a unit but I havent named the unit. the first syllables of their surnames can spell out O KA SHI so I was gonna do something with that

kasuga kaede age: 14 color: green brand: potsuri party (pop)

all she thinks about is frogs and other amphibians and conservation strategies for them. her parents are both academics so they support their science-minded child but one studies literature and the other history so they don’t totally understand. very smart and surprisingly perceptive but bad with social cues (autistic). she's in the same grade as the other two but has a december birthday so she's younger. idk if they let that happen in Japan but that's my vision for her

she only got into pripara bc she realized if she could capture a wide audience she would be able to share frog facts with more people. her songs are very cute with a lot of splish-splash and hoppity-hop but she starts and ends every performance with relevant information on frog conservation. you get used to it. according to her she doesn’t need to wear glasses in pripara bc the frog eyes on her hair dec help her see

okano saori age: 15 color: blue brand: icy flush (cool)

trans girl, initially out in pripara but not in real life. has a single mom who loves her dearly and tries her hardest once things are explained to her but she’s made some insensitive comments in the past that make saori afraid to come out. girl who is always joking around to stave off her crippling depression. her look is obviously inspired by mirei lmao

she loves going to pripara and following idols. also she loves digging up secrets and knowing all the intel on all the top idols. but she respects the divide between pripara and irl bc it’s so important to her so she never looks too deep into people’s lives in the real world. she’s happy doing that and slightly afraid to perform in case people look too closely into her. but she’s a born performer and once kaede encourages her to get on stage she loves it. card suit motif

shiraishi reiha age: 15 color: burgundy brand: sunset fantasy (celeb) -> raspberry bouquet (lovely)

the youngest child of a prominent family in the entertainment business and a child actress, now teen actress. she doesn’t want to act forever but she’s afraid to tell her family bc she doesn’t know what she DOES want to do. she’s spent her whole life just doing what other people expect of her and it’s worked out pretty well so far so what if she crashes and burns once she changes

the few times she’s been to pripara before it was as a celeb idol to promote her career outside pripara so it just felt like work to her. she didn’t have fun with it. after befriending the others she switches to lovely type, keeping the wine color and the butterfly motif but more florals and less gold. and she learns to perform for the fun of it and not worry about impressing people

then the other two are senpai idols having insane drama and one of them is a virtual girl. I only made them up yesterday so I haven't ironed everything out

yu (stylized in lowercase cursive) age: 17 color: violet brand: twilight satin (premium)

in pripara she’s a top idol with her princely girl personality and delicate, haunting voice. outside of pripara she’s a shy and depressed girl whose conservative parents crush any gender experimentation she tries. she can only perform at the tail end of the evening after sneaking out of the house so her performances are rare and difficult to attend, which just makes her all the more popular. people call her a phantom. she has a ponytail. idk if that's clear but it's important

in pripara she can be her authentic self and flirt with girls and everyone loves her. but she can’t bring any of that to the real world and doesn’t have any strong relationships. even when she’s in pripara she has to disappear at the end of the night and can’t tell people who she is irl

jyarara age: ?? color: white brand: alchemic arachne (premium)

a vocal doll who has something wrong with her. I thought about making her a boyish type character too bc there aren't any boyish vocal dolls but ultimately I love the aesthetic of a lonely princess spinning a web of lies. her relationship with yu is kind of a reversal of falulu with hibiki. hibiki wanted falulu to let her into pripara at night to fuck with the system and eventually become a vocal doll herself and falulu innocently wanted a friend. jyarara wants to trap yu in pripara forever and have an eternal companion and since yu wants to escape her real life shes letting it happen. I think she was born from the longing of girls who dream of pripara at night but she became warped and twisted from only being active in the empty nighttime pripara

I should really draw her bc I have a vision taking shape in my mind. I want her to have a spiderweb motif and a big dress with a kind of cage made of webs. like a hoopskirt on the outside of a dress that’s shorter in the front than the back. also if/when I actually draw her she’ll have a design on her headphones that’s much more like spider eyes. I guess she's a little like a female spiders jeremy since she's a white steampunk spider

this is them irl before and after saori is out at school. jyarara doesn't get to come to school bc she's slightly evil and not real :/

the vibe is above knee skirt for saori and kaede, knee length skirt for reiha, and below the knee skirt for yu. yu has a different name at school that I haven't decided yet but it has 夕 in it somewhere

my favorite thing about pripara is how characters change based on whether they're irl or within pripara. saori has the simplest change of having to go to school as a "boy" but being herself in pripara, and she also shrinks. kaede changes bc she consciously wants to give off a cuter and more approachable vibe in pripara but her personality and mannerisms are exactly the same. reiha basically doesn't change at all bc she sees pripara as work rather than an opportunity to express herself. when she switches to raspberry bouquet she literally lets her hair down and wears outfits that are flowing instead of tight. as for yu she literally just wants to be masc. she's sort of mentally separating herself into the girl who goes to school and just tries to get through the day and yu who gets to come out at night and be herself. when she has support from friends and can integrate those sides of herself I think she can become a popular princely girl at school too but as it is she's just very gloomy and depressed

[oleander-nin]

I don't know if ☄️ started an odd uptick in your named anons (🍵 and 💤 for instance) but regardless I love them dearly hello Ollie's new anons >:D

Anyways I've been preoccupied with stuff but it's the weekend now so I thought,, hm. I'm bored I'm going to send Ollie things

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

SURPRISE IT'S CHECKLIST TIME:

If it's later in the day, have you eaten yet?

(I think your time zone is 1 hour behind mine if I recorded that correctly-)

Did you sleep well? (If you didn't and you're tired, take it easy please)

Who am I kidding you're tired all the time anyways lmao I HOPE YOU CAN NAP OR SOMETHING <3

Take your meds if you have any!

Writing this reminded me to take mine-

Hows the hygiene? Brush your teeth or shower if you need it

I JUST NEED TO REMIND MYSELF TO BRUSH MY TEETH MORE SO I FIGURED MAYBE OTHERS DO TOO-

DRINK WATER

Drink water. Everyone needs to drink more water. If you think you've drank enough you're probably wrong drink more water-

This applies to anyone seeing this btw not just Ollie <3 hello Ollie's followers are you annoyed yet? >:)

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

That concludes basic stuff so now I'm gonna give extra little things I need to remember for myself that I think might apply to you or others seeing this lmao

(I've been feeling kinda bad about not drawing as much as I wanted. so I figured this might apply to you too)

There's nothing wrong with not being productive for a bit. Whether it's writing or drawing or whatever thing you feel pressured to do.

There's nothing wrong with taking your time to do those things! There's a multitude of reasons but I can explain them another time

Something something about that comparison I made in an older ask about the human body/mind and a machine. You remember that one? (I can't get out of the ask thing to find it because it'll get rid of all this but Y'KNOW THE ONE)

DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO DO THE HOBBY IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT! BRO IT'S FINE YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE NOT RUNNING OUT OF TIME-

(This next one's just something I realized recently. Idk if it's true for everyone but I'll share it anyways) I think even things I LIKE to do are tiring. I don't know how. Drawing and even playing a video game is tiring. Talking to friends online is tiring. This only really becomes a problem if something else is leeching all my energy, because otherwise it's definitely ALL worth it. What I'm trying to say is that things might take effort even if you like doing them or if they're supposed to be a relaxing thing (like,, idk Minecraft. I still have to think and respond to things and reaction time and planning and blah blah blah these things take mental energy I often don't have) I'M JUST SAYING IT'S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT- YOU'RE NOT LAZY FOR NOT DOING A THING BECAUSE IT MIGHT ACTUALLY TAKE MORE ENERGY THAN YOU THINK- (writing especially, in my opinion. Idk how you do it-)

MAN these are always so much longer than I want them to be but,, yeah I hope this helps you (or anyone else reading)

Remember self care y'all! and don't pressure or force yourself to do things (looking directly at you Ollie /lh)

Oh yeah also Ollie you give me the feeling you have adhd (saying that as someone with horrible adhd) but I won't go into that-

OKAY BYEEE ILY <3

So proud of you 8-bit, you started a fad/lhj

I have eaten :D. My stomach did it's job and informed me I was hungry for once. Have you?🤨 Also I have no clue what your time zone is lmao

I slept pretty decent! Not as tired as I was yesterday, so that's good.

But I hate my meds they're grosssssssssssssssssss. Did take them but bleh.

I just ate, I should go brush my teeth thankies-

Does milk count?

"Imagine a machine that needs maintenance. If you don't make time to schedule the maintenance, it'll break when you're not expecting it. That's the same for a human. If you don't schedule time for breaks, your body or brain will do it for you." This machine analogy? I do remember it and your incredible wisdom. I'll try to abide by it more😔

Also completely agree w/ your last thing. I like to draw, I like to write, but it sucks sometimes. Heck, I can't even bring myself to watch my favorite shows just because I don't have the energy to actually watch it. Thank you for the list of affirmations(?), I needed it. I've been trying to write, but it's getting harder with my interests split lol.

Don'e worry about them being long! I really don't mind, it's fun to read them. Ily2, bye!/plat

[ednito]

did you ever get that eddieverse server up and running? If so, I'd love to join! :D

I'm adding your other ask cause it's easier to answer both.

On the topic of Mr. Dot I'm so??? Astonished?? Speechless with what happened, words literally can't describe how badly this bag of horse shit has been fumbled. His apology isn't even really an apology its just a "sorry you feel that way" bull. His other responses, the ones he deleted, are even worse. Good lord.

In response to the second ask about the discord, funny story! I did make the server but I haven't had the time to sit down and make each chat and role and get bots and stuff- I'm hoping to do that today. On the topic of EV I've wanted to talk about this when I would be starting it but I'm most likely not starting anytime soon so I think I'll just say the fun news here now!

I'm actually really passionate about EV, close friends and even family understand how important my fanverse is. I've decided the only way I feel I can properly portray it is to make it into a game!!! Complicated sure but with how complex the story is a gaming format is probably the best choice of portrayal! Of course that'll take time to develop so In the meantime I'll make little things to tease the game and to also air out certain information that I know won't make it to the game! And I want to use the server to help document my progress and also hear some feedback from others! At the moment the scarecrow audio tapes and something to do with riddler are two side projects I'm eyeing!

I understand that the topics in my fanverse are rather serious ones, development is slow because I want to be able to portray these topics in a realistic, respectful way and I've been looking into things like addiction, certain medical diseases/disorders/syndromes, the affects of antisemitism and racism and other topics such as SA and abuse. I research how it affects individuals and how it affects the psychi and societal norms. I know I can relate to some of these experiences like having mental illnesses and being a victim of SA and abuse but I also understand my perspective is different from others and I don't want to show a type of bias or one sided understanding. And because of this passion I'd rather take years to make this project as perfect as it can be then to spurt out a bunch of incoherent nonsense without any understanding of what I'm talking about. Plus like... idk about any other fan project creator but I'm working on this alone really so. No shit I'm gonna take my time LMAO

Sorry for the tangent. It's just important to me, this whole thing is important to me. I'll admit I get emotional over this because of how passionate i am (im pretty sensitive), I literally can't think of anything else to say waaaaaaaa.

[chickalupe]

Feeling very down right now, just want to vent...

(Treating this like my old Livejournal since I don't really have anywhere else I can complain LMAO)

I've been out of work since August after completely running out of FMLA.

Between getting severe COVID in February and being out recovering for 6 weeks -- and then with Long COVID making the chronic fatigue and migraines I already had even worse -- I ended up missing so much work that I used all the time FMLA allowed before the year was even half over.

I'm living with my parents now and don't really have income except my savings; honestly most days I don't have the physical or mental spoons to even contemplate applying for even a part-time remote position yet. Thankfully I also have a retirement fund I am slowly cashing in, even if that also isn't really sustainable long-term. (But me losing my insurance will definitely be an issue soon when I run out of refills for my prescription meds...)

I'm aware that I've been pretty isolated since August; I've gotten maybe like two texts from former co-workers. I'm mostly asleep during the daytime and don't drive, so going out is hard. The person I consider my BFF is out of state and is busy with their own life. The only people I talk to most days are my Mom and Dad. (Admittedly, I am also pretty terrible about calling or texting people!) Tumblr has thus been the majority of my social interaction, for good or ill.

On top of all that, my birthday is this Friday and I always find myself depressed anyway this time of year. Like, it's probably half Seasonal Affective Disorder, and half a reminder that I'm a year older and having mixed feelings about where I am in life, IDK... But the current situation of *gestures vaguely at everything* isn't helping. So I am very blergh in general.

My parents and I had made vague plans a couple weeks ago that we could all go out for dinner on my actual birthday; nothing fancy, maybe the nearest sit-down Mexican restaurant. I was kinda looking forward to it. Mom just informed me that she is now unavailable after 5pm on my b-day itself since she offered to babysit kids for someone in their church that evening and night. We can't do it tomorrow night either, because Mom & Dad will be at a craft show from 4pm to 10pm.

And... it's fine, I guess. I'm disappointed but I'm an adult. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum or yell and cry or try to guilt her about it. She brought me flowers from the grocery store as a sort of peace offering and says we can still have cake or whatever. We'll probably do something on Saturday instead.

But EVERY YEAR, it's something. Last year, it was the cheesecake I asked for as a birthday cake getting dropped on the way into the house from the car; over half of it was smushed and then Dad stole the best remaining slice for himself. The two years before that, it was during the worst of the pandemic so I just had mediocre delivery food. I literally cannot remember the last birthday I really enjoyed in over a decade and half.

Another big source of anxiety right now -- we found out have 60 days to move since the leasing company is selling this house. So we have to find a new place, be packed and then move by January. Meanwhile home inspectors, realty agents and potential buyers are walking through while we're still living here, and it's super stressful. Words can't express how much I hate strangers being here any and all days of the week.

I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm not trying to be whiny or woe-is-me, but my mental health right now is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Not Great (tm) 😅. I do try hard to be positive but it just takes so much energy and I'm stressed and a little numb.

Not really sure how to end this. I just really needed to put it all in writing as a journal-type situation so that I don't end up crying in real life LOL.

Current Mood: burnt-out 😑

Current Music: HGTV playing in the background