#lmao closure that comes far too late

[chippedshake]

(An expansion of a moment from this qprpbj fic I wrote a while ago)

Ponyboy smiles when he opens the door and finds Avery on the other side.

"Hi, Aves."

"Hey, grandpa," they say brightly, stepping inside.

Avery takes their backpack off and heads to the bathroom like they do every Tuesday. The twenty-minute walk from school to his house is just long enough for them to need to pee when they get there but not at school.

Ponyboy closes the door and sighs. It's nice to have company once in a while, even if it's just for lunch on Tuesdays. It gets lonely sometimes, when everyone's paired up with kids. Cathy got almost full custody over Katie and Johnny, so he's been alone for a while. Two-Bit and Marcia, Steve and Soda... They never stopped caring about Ponyboy and Darry, but they have other things to do. Married life to attend to.

Shame Darry's out today, he always likes to talk to Avery. Seems like they might be going down the accounting path, and Darry's good for advice on that.

"What's for lunch?" they ask, drying their hands on their skirt.

"I'm tryin' out this new recipe I found online..." Ponyboy takes the aluminum foil off of a pot and looks inside. "It's chili but it's supposed to have some sort of sweet twist? I dunno, the girl explaining it seemed really excited."

"Did you check the reviews like I told you to?"

"Yeah, they all said to use less beans or it would be too dry, so I did."

Avery gives him a wide grin. "Great."

Ponyboy carries the pot over while Avery sets the table.

"How's school been?"

He starts serving Avery a bowl.

"It's been fine. I did a math test today and I made some stupid mistakes — that's enough, thanks — and there was this one formula I forgot that woulda made everything a whole lot easier, but it went okay."

"That's nice." He sets his own bowl down in front of him.

"Actually, grandpa..." Avery trails off and avoids Ponyboy's eyes when he looks at them. "There’s something I need to talk to you about."

Ponyboy looks at them silently, urging them to go on, but they stay quiet.

"Go ahead."

"I'm aromantic. And asexual." They look at him, trying to gauge his reaction. "Aroace for short."

Ponyboy blinks at them once. Twice. "What?"

They give a dry laugh before answering. "Yeah, no, I didn't expect you to know. Aromantic means I don't feel romantic attraction. Asexual means I don't feel sexual attraction."

"Those are different?" The look Avery gives him is the same one he knows he used to give Sodapop whenever he asked him what the movie they just watched was about. "Sorry," he says, suddenly feeling meek.

"No, it's fine," they sigh, "They're kinda new labels, I guess. But yeah, they're different. Mostly people feel them together, but some people feel them differently. I just... don't."

Ponyboy had been about to eat a spoonful of chili, but freezes with the spoon halfway to his mouth.

"You... you can just... not feel it?"

On Ponyboy's first date with Cathy, they went out for dinner, and it felt kinda like going out with Two-Bit. Laughing too much and feeling like he was breaking some sort of rule all the time. It was nice, though.

He kissed her goodnight like he was supposed to, and it felt weird, but it was supposed to feel weird, right? They'd just started to go out.

Then they'd been dating for long enough for it to be expected for them to have sex and he didn't really want to, but Cathy wanted to and they were supposed to and it wasn't that bad, really. Just kinda boring.

"Yeah. I know it sounds really weird, and you might think I just haven't met the right person yet, but think about like, straight people. You know you don't like the same sex and no one ever doubts that, so this is like the same only I don’t like anyone. And it doesn't mean I can't have meaningful relationships or anything — I like my friends a lot, I love them a lot, and Charlie can be nice when he isn't being an annoying little brother, and there's even other types of relationships, like queer-platonic relationships, that aren't for me, but that other aroace people can want—"

"Calm down, Aves," Ponyboy says with a slight grin. He definitely know where they got that from. "I wasn't tryin' to make ya feel like I didn't accept you, I just... didn't totally get it."

"Oh." They're slightly out of breath. "Okay."

There are a couple moments of silence before they go on, "Well, in any case, I find sex and romance disgusting and when people tease me about that sorta thing it makes me uncomfortable. That's all I wanted to tell you."

They smile awkwardly.

Ponyboy feels himself deflate, but tries not to let it show.

"So then aromantic and— and asexual people find it disgusting?" So it's just me? It's just me that's broken, then.

"Oh, no, not at all. I just don’t like it, but there’s people who are fine with it. Some people even enjoy it."

"Oh." Not broken not broken not broken not broken "And can, uh... can anyone be– aromantic? And asexual?"

They look at him curiously, eyes flitting across his face to try and figure out what he's thinking. A flicker of understanding — and something like hope — crosses over their face before they settle back into a neutral expression.

"Well, yeah. Not anyone that feels sexual or romantic attraction, obviously, but, like, there's aroace people of all ages with all sorts of romantic and sexual histories and they're still aroace."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The rest of lunch is spent in near silence. Every so often one of them asks a question and the other answers, but conversation never lasts more than a couple seconds. The silence festers around them, Avery looking around uncomfortably, Ponyboy trying to force himself to be comfortable. Ponyboy's washing the dishes while Avery cleans up the table when there's the sound of a key jiggling and the door opens, showing Darry standing behind it. His face lights up when he catches sight of Avery.

"Aves! I didn't miss you!"

"Uncle Darry!" He sets his bag down next to him a takes his shoes off.

"How'd your math test go?"

Avery's face scruches up. "I forgot about the tangent squared identity and had to deduce it from the sine squared plus cosine squared one."

Darry makes a similar face and clicks his tongue as he walks over. "Did it go well besides that?"

"Yeah." He goes to ruffle their hair but remembers the last time they complained about it and grabs their shoulder instead.

Avery checks their phone. "Oh shii— shoot. I'm late. Gotta run back now."

They slip their shoes on quickly and run out the door.

"Have fun!" Darry calls, and a muffled "I'll try!" makes it back through the door.

Darry looks at the closed door for a second, easy smile on his lips. "Seems like slamming the door's genetic," he mutters.

He wanders into the kitchen and stops dead in his tracks. The water's running over dirty dishes but Ponyboy's leaned against the opposite counter, scrolling down something on his computer.

He has the same look on his face that he had a couple days after his seventeenth birthday, when he came up to Darry and told him quietly that he was older than Johnny would ever be.

"Pony?"

Ponyboy looks up, blinking quickly, not bothering to try and close the tab.

"Hmm?" His voice is unnaturally high-pitched. The eye contact only lasts a couple second before he looks away, back at the screen.

Darry walks towards him slowly. "Everything okay?" He turns the tap off when he passes by it.

Ponyboy's staring holes into his computer. He can't look away, can't look away from the words that've been there all along. The words he didn't see fifty-something years ago — oh, god, he can't even remember how long it's been.

The computer's being taken away from him.

"Pony." Ponyboy looks up to meet Darry's eyes. "What's wrong."

"The— the words are there." He's on the verge of tears and he knows that Darry can tell with the pitch of his words, but he can't control it.

"What words, Pony?"

"A— aromantic. And asexual. And queer-platonic." Darry just stares at him, clearly in as much confusion as Ponyboy was a couple minutes ago. "You don't have to wanna date people. And sex. And Johnny—"

Ponyboy doesn't finish the sentence.

"What about Johnny?" Darry seems confused, and Ponyboy realises that he thinks he's talking about his son.

"Cade."

"Oh."

"We weren't friends. I always knew we weren't friends, I knew it was different, because I ain't never felt that way again."

Darry blinks. "You're saying you're... gay?"

Ponyboy shakes his head and he can feel the tears tickle as they roll down his cheek but it would be wrong to brush them away.

"It don't— It don't gotta be like that. You don't gotta choose between bein' friends or datin', those aren't the only options. And it— it's real." He buries his face in his hands. Darry wraps his arms around him and Ponyboy stoops down to burrow his head in Darry's shoulder. "I know it— it doesn't change anythin', that we were the same thing, that we were— were queer-platonic even if the word didn't exist but I wish it did.

"I wish it did because then maybe it wouldn't be so—" He can't go on.

Maybe it's because there's no words to describe what it means to find out what something was when it's so far in the past you no longer remember, but remember remembering. Maybe it's because the pain he'd buried so deep he almost forgot about it comes back in full force. Maybe it's because he's sobbing so hard the words can't come out.

And that's how it ends.

It doesn't end with "stay gold" and it doesn't end with his English theme. It doesn't end with a roadtrip to the sea so they can spread his ashes and it doesn't end when he's twenty and unhappily married.

It ends sixty years too late. It ends with something as irrelevant as a pair of words. It ends with closure. Closure that comes far too late, but eventually comes.

[lalalian]

into the far lands of the celatum... | aethergarde academy

date: october 8, 2024

EDIT: I don’t mean a lot as in like ‘major resource’ I mean a lot as in it gets a lot of one really niche resource from this island, namely ce’ceri scales; ce’ceri aren’t known to the world really, but their scales sometimes escape the barrier bc they contain a pretty good amount of mana

where am I?

I've really been starving ya'll lately in terms of actual main story lore, so, think of this post as (yet another) teaser.

This is like huge, actually 😭😭 not the island, I mean the importance of this place.

Today, I'll talk more about mermaids and their effects on Ostathia and the rest of the world.

BUT

Before that, let's talk mermaids (in general!!)

why are merfolk even important?

Merfolk are extremely important when it comes to trade, guiding, and water safety. Eudora has a tight bond with the merfolk-- they often do spy work and provide resources to land dwelling people that can only be found underwater.

I don't think I can stress how important merfolk are when it comes to trade, like they can block off trade routes within minutes if they want to.

Brimstone (Brimstone=all the kingdoms/empires on the continent) has a hard time trading with other places because merfolk constantly try to wreak their ships due to their alliances with other empires... especially Eudora and Caldarune. Asahn's outside alliances + the merfolk they're allied with do help reduce the attacks. It's not uncommon for empire to pay merfolk to do this; this is including the Eudora Empire.

Even if you use aircraft (atm, the only flying transportation vehicle is a floating ship invented by an institute in Aielles), you'd have to fly at a certain distance above water + make sure the bottom of the ship is strong enough to withstand their arrows. No, the merfolk aren't just going to throw spears at the ships by hand, they've made cannon-like machines to cause as much damage as possible.

Trading groups who are rich enough to have reinforced top-of-the-line air ships can generally withstand the merfolk's revolts.

asahn's history with merfolk

Asahn is the only Brimstone territory that has an alliance with some kind of merfolk group-- the group they're allied with is a small colony of 120~ who also don't like humans and have been known to have a peculiar taste for dragon flesh + blood.

If you've read the stuff in the script about Asahn, I think you could infer where they get their supply of dragon corpses (if you're deemed too weak for your dragon, your dragon is removed from your care).

I'd like to point out that Asahn is not a communist country, it's more totalitarian. There's nothing Asahn desires more than strength and power, to be worthy of noble status, you must be a B tiered rider or higher. Race and gender generally don't matter, you just need to be as powerful as you can possibly be.

Some of Callisto's resources are from Asahn

why are merfolk important to ostathia?

Ostathia was sealed by unknown entities for the last century. Though, the residents of Ostathia do know it was by aquatic beings.

Merfolk.

Ostathia is hidden from riders, dragons, and even other merfolk-- they cannot sense the presence of the force shield or the residents living in Ostathia. You can literally sail through Ostathia and not even know you did so.

Residents born in the kingdom of Ostathia (their residents call themselves Ostathees) don't leave; no outsiders were reported to have entered Ostathia since its closure.

The mermaids who reside in this kingdom care for the ce'ceri (seh-sir-see) -- water serpents. These serpents are a relative of the bakunawa, but these serpents are different enough to be unable to mate with bakunawas.

ostathia

I'm not going to say everything (once again, lmao) but I'll leave this post off with this:

The weakest point of Ostathia's barrier is located at the billows, it may only be marginally weaker, but it's weaker nonetheless

Who are the residents of Ostathia?

Are we really sure that nobody's left the kingdom in the last century?

Who are the dragons hanging around the Isles of Phaum?

Do/did the ce'ceri have riders?

Who is the black ce'ceri?

-

-

-

I'm open to questions about Ostathia as long as it's not related to the major conflicts directly.

I will say that you will be dealing with this kingdom in your last year at aethergarde academy.

wanna know more about my aethergarde academy dr? here's a masterlist with everything I've posted about it!

[kalliasandi]

Love was so close, too far. It was hidden behind a door. Love was too slippery, once your grip on it falters, the strings that attach you to the other snaps and you sink, deep down into the darkness that not one thing can save you from.

When Regulus first found it, desire filled his body, flowed through his blood. Longing that was so painful he wanted to cut that part of him out. He never had been so close to love before. It was such a complex feeling, it guided every part of his body even though he knew he couldn’t ever fully have it, no matter how far he reached and how harsh his grip on it was.

Once he had part of it, he messed up. He was a death eater and James was on the other side. Of course Regulus was trapped on the wrong side, and James had every reason to move from Regulus to her. It was lost.

Regulus was going to undo everything the Dark Lord had tried. He would find the Horcrux, he was going to give himself to the deep dangers in order to save them. He messed up once, and this was the only way to fix things.

However, fate decided it hadn’t been up to Regulus to bring the Dark Lord down. He realized he never got to say goodbye, not a true one. He would never be able to cut away from his mother and join Sirius in the love he would offer if Regulus had just tried. He would never be able to enjoy love, to be free of his decisions and mistakes and be held by James.

They dragged Regulus down deep in the dark, pressure surrounding his whole body, water seeping painfully into his lungs as he realized in this last moment, the door had been opened. He had been able to almost grab at the one thing he desired so much, the proof was right there that Regulus had gone to undo Voldemorts evil with so much vigour. He just wasn’t able to plant that legacy.

He longed to go back in the last moments of his life. To go back to the time he was offered to go with his brother. He wanted everything to go to Sirius right now and apologize. He wanted to hug James one last time and tell him everything was going to be okay.

The door was open, perhaps it always was, he just hadn’t been able to grab onto it in time.

I was listening to ‘Door’ by Mitski and had this idea come to mind, so I wrote it. Regulus always had that door, always had the chance. He just didn’t open it once he found it, and once he had he wasn’t able to grab hold of what was behind it, he was too late so once he reached for it. His time was going short, he never was able to destroy the Horcrux. Never able to say sorry to Sirius and fix their tragic brotherhood. Sirius would die not knowing that Regulus had found that door. James would die with that part of his heart strings still torn from Regulus as he couldn’t get true closure. They both died not knowing Regulus’ legacy he tried to start.

I am very sleep deprived so I am sure my writings all jumbled up so I hope the concept is sort of there still lmao

[islesnap]

as if we were dancing

wc: 884 ; cw: implied si ; genre: fluff (?), sad (?)

inspired by this post

this was my attempt at trying to keep it somewhat cannon compliant lol sorry i know it seems rushed and it's probably not my best work lmao

drabble starts after the cut!

enjoy :3

it had only been a couple of months since the games, and gihun had been in what one would call “a very dark place.” 

in the span of basically a week, he had met 455 other people that were in the same situation as him: broke, in debt, and ready to basically resign to the mercy of whatever the collectors had for them. who he didn’t expect to see, was his dear friend, cho sangwoo. the pride of ssangmun-dong, graduate of SNU, standing in front of him, in the same tacky, teal-ish green tracksuit, the number ‘218’ plastered on his chest. 

in the end, 454 of those people had died.

after the horrors of it all, he and sangwoo returned home, and eventually they found themselves regularly coming round each others’ houses, sharing meals, talking about the people they had lost during that week in hell. one could say that they were acting strange, maybe even as if they were good memories, but considering the only person that would believe them was each other, this is how they decided to work through it. 

then, one day, gihun realized that they truly had a bond that no one else would understand (probably a trauma bond), and that he was also… in love with his childhood best friend. 

even more recently, sangwoo confessed in a drunken stupor. 

“gihun-ah. i can’t help but feel love for you,” he slurs. “but, like, as more than a friend."

he felt the same.

gihun just blankly stares, in his own drunken state, and grabs sangwoo’s hand. 

“me too, sangwoo.”

now, they’re sitting at the dinner table in their shared flat, music playing after their late dinner. they had gotten lost in some sort of conversation about the front man, and how much they hated him. they desperately wanted to uncover his identity and were planning on working together to do so. they wanted to bring justice for all the people who had perished, and they also wanted some closure of their own.

“gihun, let’s dance,” sangwoo stood up from the table and walked around to the other man, extending his hand and waiting for a response. they had a random playlist playing on the small speaker in their kitchen, a song they didn’t recognize with a soft melody currently playing.

“hey, i don’t–” gihun was cut off by sangwoo grabbing his hand and tugging him out of his chair to bring him to the center of the dimly-lit kitchen, the only light sources being a lamp in the far corner of the living room nearby and the candles on the table. sangwoo takes gihun’s hands and wraps them around his waist, and he wraps his own around the back of the other’s neck. “sangwoo, you know i don’t dance.”

the two of us go round and round in the air // after a long night 

“shhhh, just shuffle a bit. it’s easy, watch,” sangwoo says as he begins to guide the both of them back and forth, a small smile decorating his features. they go like that for a few seconds in place before he begins guiding them to slowly turn as well. gihun looks into his eyes and cracks a small smile.

your footsteps on top of the clouds // your candy-like eyes are just like a dream

gihun continues to look at sangwoo, love brimming in his heart as he continues to guide them around and humming to the tune playing in the background. 

a ticklish voice, feather-like hands // i pray that you'll stay forever

“sangwoo, where do you think we would be if it wasn’t for the games?” gihun asks, the smile falling from his face, his expression turning somewhat wistful.

sangwoo also looks pensive for a moment, contemplating his answer as they sway. 

“i’m not sure where i would be,” he lies. he knows where he would be, but his dear gihun doesn’t need to know. “where do you think you’d be?”

gihun is quick to respond. “i would have probably died. the, um, loan sharks said they would have my eyes and liver, and probably even my kidneys.” 

sangwoo falters a bit at his answer, disbelief coloring his expression before he smiles and even laughs. “you, uh… you definitely have a way with words, gihun. i’ll give you that,” he says through a chuckle. 

like this, don't wake me up, deceive me sweetly // in my dreams

gihun cracks a smile of his own, dropping his head onto sangwoo’s shoulder, resting his head near the crook in the other’s neck. he takes a deep breath, inhaling through his nose and smelling the faint fragrance of bergamot and musk from this morning’s shower and spray.

we will be happily forever after (in my dreams) // i'm so ecstatic that i can't open my eyes

suddenly, gihun feels himself crying; but that’s weird… the tears aren’t there. he looks back up at sangwoo and smiles, some kind of melancholy feeling filling his chest, almost like heartbreak. mourning, maybe? 

“i love you, sangwoo.”

sangwoo tightens his grip, bringing gihun closer and grinning his signature crooked smile.

like this, don't wake me up // lock me in your arms, oh, oh

“i love you too, gihun,” he retorts.

in my dreams, you love me back

then, over sangwoo’s shoulder and off in the corner of the living room… the lamp starts to look weird.

in my dreams, you love me back

[honeycreammilkshake]

I think if gojo gets the focus it will be about yuji's family and luckily Sukuna (of course Gege couldn't just use 265)

About yuta....I just don't care lol, it's a silly drama to make just when there is only 3 chapters left, we know he will be okay so what's even the point lmao

exactly, yuta has gotten far too much focus lately and it's sad how he's going to take over the ending, too.

i'm hoping there's some focus on sukuna, if only because i need there to be more discussion about him technically being yuuji's uncle and kenjaku being yuuji's "mom." it needs to be elaborated on more, in my opinion. and also i hope gojo doesn't come back. a lot of fans are still hoping for that but i think he's served his purpose and provided his role in the story already. there's no need for him to live other than for fanservice, and honestly the more toxic gojo fans don't deserve to have him come back. it was gege's choice to kill gojo off and the fans gave gege way too harsh treatment for it.

yuuji deserves to have some more closure about his family. it's also time for him to come to terms with his grief and reflect on all he went through. he's been sidelined too much for me to accept an ending that isn't all about him. i also need to see yuuji expressing his feelings about sukuna. did he really think they could live together? does he just care about sukuna because he's family or because he actually felt a deeper connection to him that he missed when he stopped serving as sukuna's vessel? so many questions. please give me answers, gege.

i hope this next chapter satisfies you and me both, anon.

[allmerlin]

hi!!!! how would u make merlin better in general like if u were the writer; what would u have done differently?

I think it’s been over a year since you sent this lmao (sorry). But alas, here we are. I’m rising from the grave to make headcanons come alive.

I would’ve made at least 1 season about the aftermath of Merlin revealing his magic to Arthur. I think a big appeal of the show is the anticipation of that reveal (which is why they constantly make it Almost happen) but I also think they did viewers wrong in not giving us the whole satisfaction of that. We never got to see Arthur unwrapping the secrets, his reaction to hearing about certain events, how his values would change and how his friendship with Merlin could potentially evolve. Like Merlin - we never really got any closure.

I would’ve scrapped the whole “Merlin is immortal” thing because fuck that trope. It makes the character too strong and makes the shit he goes through have much less impact. Even though I know this fandom has had great fun with our modern!aus and reincarnation stuff, it’s still an ending choice I strongly disagree with as it not only takes away the mythical feeling of the show but also, again, provides no closure.

Elyan and Gwaine wouldn’t have died. :) Lancelot would have died but would not have been dishonored or brushed over- the impact on Merlin, including consequences of him once again having no one who Knows on his side, would be focused on more.

Late seasons Gwen and Gwaine would have been ‘truer’ to the past seasons of them. Gwen as a queen should still be allowed to be lively and partake in trouble and be Merlin’s best friend!! Gwaine should not have gone from “I hate royalty” to “I’ll kill this wizard for insulting my King” without ??? any reason???

Morgana- the shows’ greatest and most understandable villain deserved a FAR greater death than being fucking stabbed. Where’s the epic duel? Where’s emotion, the heartbreak? They also shouldn’t have made all the shows’ “bad guys” be oppressed parties revolting (especially in later seasons). It’s strange and makes it so much harder to sympathize with the main characters. Complexity of good and bad is not negative in itself, but it requires the show to actually fully embrace and explore that complexity first.

Uhh what else? I personally would’ve loved if magic and How All That works was explored more in the show. You know, in depth. Also like the dragons... more of them. Less Kilgharrah, but more stolen dragon eggs!! Gwen should get one!! Mithian should’ve been in more episodes and the iconic trio of Arthur, Merlin & Gwaine should’ve appeared together in the later part of the show. I would have made the show more queer because why the fuck not?

There’s more stuff, obviously. Also some things that is more difficult for me to explain in a tumblr post I’m writing on the spot; general tone of the show etc. I’ll add more to this if I ever find the energy and/or more comes to my mind.

I also want to NOTE that all of this is reliant on me having the creative freedom of doing whatever the fuck I want with the show. I know the writers of Merlin obviously had a budget and guidelines / certain amounts of episodes and seasons. This is not an attempt to shit on the writers of the show, it’s just my personal opinions. Because despite of being utterly terrible in aspects - this show has made me laugh my ass off, provided me something safe to sink into during less than fun times, and given me indescribable amounts of joy.

[nelavili]

I'm still processing Season 6 and as an unpopular opinion I'm not too happy about it as a whole. I feel horrible for not enjoying it as much as the Cast/Crew would like me to, but I just can’t change this feeling I have.

Just to clear my head I'll write the things down that irked me. I don't want to start any discussion, they're only my thoughts on stuff ‘n thangs. Huge spoilers ahead, please don’t read if you haven’t watched.

Michael

I admit it, I have probably more sympathy for the bad twin than I should. And after the whole S5 I thought we get a bit more closure with him. I didn’t expect a redemption arc, after Michael killed Remiel, Dan and Chloe it would have felt wrong. But after the “Everyone deserves a second chance” the dude is down in hell, scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush. Really, Lucifer? That’s cruel after such a righteous line.

When Luci realized he could help everyone, even if he hated them, I hoped for a dive into the twins’ relationship but it was like Michael didn’t even existed anymore. And if someone needed therapy it would be the twin with the huge inferior complex. That could have been so interesting. (I had hoped that he'd sat on the couch at the end, but noooo we get the Frenchman.. such a disappointment.)

Maybe Tom Ellis didn’t want to play 2 roles again, or there was no time, but I feel that was a huge opportunity wasted.

What even was the plan of Michael? To get God to retire and wreck havoc on earth to get Dad back, so Mickey can take over as the new God? And then what? Wipe out humanity? I see no endgame here.

Ella

I liked Ella’s Story so far. But she stole the personal file of Carol and even broke into his house.. and everybody is cool with this? Carol might be crushing on Ella pretty hard but if somebody tells you they broke into your house, because they feared you were hiding something bad, You run for the hills. But the dude isn’t even phased.

I’m glad Carol is a good guy, though. Even if he’s kind of bland.

Ella finding out the truth on her own came out of nowhere. I would have found it better if they would have her act a little suspicious over the whole S5. But since they wrote S6 while S5 was shot, a little to late for this.

The scene at the wedding was amazing. I had so much fun with her outburst there.

Dan

Ghost!Dan was my favorite by far in this season. And I really liked how he wanted to help and tried to find out what he still felt guilty about.

I am so glad he got to spend his afterlife with Charlotte and I laughed so hard with the pudding. Didn’t expect that, in a positive matter. :D

The scene with Trixie killed me. Bawled so hard as soon as Kevin got teary eyes. That really gripped at my heartstrings.

But how could he go to heaven while in a body of a killer when his daughter stands right next to that killer?

Comedy-wise Dan is top notch

Trixie

I missed her so much.

It felt like she was an afterthought with everything. She recently lost her Dad and Chloe spends most of the time with Lucifer. I really missed the scenes with her and Luci, they always were so adorable.

They explain it later that she’s at a science camp, but I honestly thought Chloe chooses Lucifer (and later Rory too) over her.

She wasn’t at Chloe’s deathbed but here I’m not sure if the scene with Rory isn’t placed somewhere at the threshold to heaven where only celestials are able to enter. But if she wasn’t there because Chloe sidelined her in favor of Rory, then I can understand her absence.

Linda

I love Linda, she always gives good advice but nobody’s ever took it.

Her book probably would fly under the fantasy tag if she ever published it. Still, it felt cringey.

It was so sad that she thought she was a bad therapist.

Apparently she wants to keep helping celestials because it’s better than helping humans. In the end, celestials have the same problems as humans just on a bigger scale. But okay.

Amenadiel

Amenacop was good, and a nice nod to Dan who put in the application.

It made him realize that he only can change things when he has more power. I’m white and no american so I don’t know if the BLM theme there was well enough executed. Got me wondering.

The apocalypse just being Angels who are incompetent was a letdown. Like this whole season.

I really like him as god. And I am glad he took the position in the end. Even if he could have decided this a bit earlier.

Rory

I like her sarcasm and her character.

Didn’t like the whole time travel, time loop and daughter spiel. I’m not a big fan of time travels or couples getting a kid just for the sake of a happy end or to add extra drama. I could have lived without a Deckerstar baby. Instead they could have focused on Trixie for a change.

The time she spent with Lucifer on the 4th August was precious though.

How in hell did the Frenchman capture her? How did he even know how she looked? IIRC Dan hasn’t seen Rory while in that body. Dan just went over to Trixie that’s why I thought he’d capture her and not Rory.

Lucifer

He found his calling to help the souls in hell only because Rory traveled back in time? No man, he already took the step with Jimmy Barnes in preparation to take over as god. I don’t think it’s far fetched to believe that he would have the same epiphany without Rory there.

But without Rory, he wouldn’t have been helping Ghost!Dan to go to heaven. Though, before Rory traveled back in time, Lucifer was already trying to help Dan. They probably would have needed more time to figure out about what Dan felt guilty about, but figure it out anyways.

How did he even got Chloe pregnant? Was it his subconscious deciding he was ready to be a father? Amenadiel had to believe that he was human to get Linda pregnant. Or maybe it’s because they always thought they couldn’t impregnate a human and self-actualized it that way. Anyways, it’s a tiny hang-up I have with it.

Somebody else besides me thought that the scene in the panic room was awkwardly long? I know they thought Lucifer would vanish somehow, but it seemed too much to me.

His singsong while the magician talked about the trick. :D

I don’t want to even get into the whole time loop thing because I think it’s ridiculous(ly bad).

It took a lot of time for him to realize that he didn’t want to be god, after he put it on hold for a second time. Even Chloe could have asked him if that is really what he wanted. Could have spared us an episode or so. Why is the communication on this show so bad? Q.Q

I loved that he helped Maze with Eve to get the wedding back on after their fight.

He didn’t say goodbye to Trixie  - again. What a nice step-devil..

It’s been Chloe, Rory and his family since he found out she’s his daughter. Not even mentioning the one kid who probably loved him before even Chloe fell for him.

For someone who is all about free will and led a rebellion against God for it, he was quick to accept that he has a “fate”. I thought he’d find another way, or at least try to. Nope, he just did what his child wanted. And they disguised it at his “choice”. Doesn’t look like a choice to me if your daughter begs you for it and you have to promise it. Just getting along with what your child wants.

Why does everyone need to shoot him? Just cut him until he bleeds. The Americans and their fixation on guns. Nice parallel to Chloe though.

Lucifer trying to fix the relationship to Rory with gifts was so cringey. I don’t know why but I couldn’t watch him sing/dance in that scene.

Both him and Amenadiel didn’t want to become like their Dad because of the reasons stated in S5, yet Lucifer exactly did. Another letdown.

 

Chloe

As soon as she knew Rory was her and Lucifer’s daughter it was all only about Lucifer and Rory. No thought of Trixie? I understand she was worried about being a bad mother to Rory, but come on, you’re being a bad mother to your first child right now.

She was ready to go to heaven with Lucifer. And Trixie does what exactly without her parents? Living with her Grandma because one of her parent died and the other one is abandoning her? It’s like the writers forgot about Trixie while forcing Rory on us.

The addiction to the necklace got old pretty fast.

And that whole fight against Lucifer felt unnecessary just to add more drama.

She gets mad at Lucifer for not telling her everything while not telling him that she went back to the LAPD. It’s Lucifer, he always has things on his plate. Double moral, pretty much.

She looked so gorgeous at the wedding, oh my god.

Most of the Deckerstar scenes were good. I got tired of the obvious naked cuddle times, surprisingly. Somehow it felt not like the ones in S5 and it bothered me.

I thought Chloe would finally get to know about everything Lucifer did for her, but I didn’t expect her to read it in Linda’s book. And that she only took away that he left her every time they had an emotional breakthrough.

They spend Lucifer’s last day at the beach and once again, no thought of Trixie. I’m sorry I repeat myself here so often. But this whole season wronged Trixie so much.

They face the baddie without any backup.  At least get Amenadiel with you.

Other things

The use of music between scenes was too much for me. Got annoying at some point.

I appreciate that they wanted to show us snippets of past Deckerstar scenes but here too, I felt like it was too much.

Couldn’t really follow the timeline. Maybe it were the cuts.

What’s been the point of bringing Adam into the mix? Just to wrap up Maze and Eve’s story? For Linda having another celestial to therapy?

The animation in the Jimmy Barnes Hell loop was AMAZING. I laughed so hard.

I’m not saying that Deckerstar shouldn’t have sacrificed everything for the time loop to stay intact, I say that the whole daughter-time travel plot shouldn’t have had happened. They never even talked about having kids, and then ignore the whole existence of the one kid that’s already there.

I really need all the Michaella fanfics, please. My first ship that’s actually a raft, because they never officially have met. RIP lmao

The acting was great as usual, all my problems come from the writing and the plot.

In the end, I really feel frustrated, underwhelmed and disappointed by the whole season. I didn’t have high expectations other than the same writing quality like S5. My excitement for that Season died as soon as Rory told Lucifer that she’s his daughter, to be honest. I waited for a plot twist that never came. Then the whole time loop shit.  I’d rather have waited one more year for S6 if the plot would have made more sense, since this felt like a first draft of a whole other show. And now I wished that S5 would have been the last season. If I could travel back in time, I’d rather not watch S6.

I can honestly live with the fact that Luci and Chloe are in hell, trying to help souls to get to heaven. (But hello, not the murderers perhaps? Or I want Michael sitting on that couch right now.) But the fact that both “chose” to sacrifice their time together with their family and friends just because it’s fate now and parents have to make sacrifices for their children; and anyways there’s an afterlife because (human) life is just a blip in our existence… nah thank you. I do not want it.

I’m probably not gonna rewatch S6 anytime soon.

[rexsjaigeyes]

congrats on the milestone🎉🎉🎉 I woke up feeling angsty so.... 18 with Boba if u want!👉👈💞💞

Thank you! I know this is really late, but hopefully you still want that angst!

Prompt #18 by @starrynightdeancas: “I don’t trust you anymore.”

Boba Fett x gender neutral reader

Words: 1.3k (I am so sorry lmao it was supposed to be a drabble)

Warnings: so much angst, semi-unhappy ending

A/N: Think of this as an alternate version of Rekindle. Not necessary to read it before reading this, but def has a similar plot so it might sound familiar to some.

You couldn’t believe your eyes. You should have known that the whispers of his name within Tatooine wouldn’t have been for nothing, but you were not prepared to come face-to-face with Boba Fett. To others, he was purely a fearsome bounty hunter and now practically royalty. But to you, he was a ghost from your past — your thought-to-be-dead lover and a former partner whom you trusted with your life.

You knew it was selfish to think about the meaning behind him keeping such a secret from you, but you couldn’t help but wonder what you had done to wrong him so much that he never told you he was alive. Was your whole relationship a lie? The relationship on which you had built years of trust suddenly vanished as soon as you set your eyes on his freshly-painted armor. Bile rose to your throat as you locked eyes with the green helmet across the throne room.

You felt like you were frozen in place, your feet staying rooted to your spot in the corner of the crowded room. He held your gaze for far too long, and every second that passed made you feel smaller and smaller under his unwavering gaze. A woman approached you, and you wouldn’t have even noticed her if she hadn’t stopped right in front of your line of sight. You almost jumped back, so unaware of your surroundings that you hadn’t even heard the woman sneak up on you.

She regarded you with a stoic expression, only sparing a quick inquisitive glance over your body before nodding over her shoulder and demanding, “Follow me.”

You knew she was taking you to Boba, and as much as it scared you to finally confront him, you felt more intimidated by the woman in front of you, so you wordlessly did as she said. She weaved through the crowd, expecting you to be a few steps behind her without sparing a glance over her shoulder to check. If you weren’t shaking from nerves, you would have been in awe of the intricate palace as she led you down a hallway to a small room isolated from the noise of the throne room.

She told you to wait there, but you felt like jumping out a window if it meant you could escape this poorly-planned attempt to gain closure from your old lover. It was too late for you to berate yourself any further because the door slid open, and you inhaled sharply as Boba entered the room. And just like that, you already felt your resolve slipping. He looked as large and imposing as ever, but you knew that beneath all the armor, there must have been at least some of the man you grew to love all those years ago.

He approached you slowly before carefully lifting a hand to your cheek. You didn’t mean to wrench your head away, but your body moved of its own accord, and you were shocked to feel wetness on your cheeks as you looked away from him. He didn’t move or say a word, and you knew he’d stay like that forever if you didn’t make the first move. So with angry tears streaming down your face, you said what had been on your mind since the moment you heard he was alive.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Boba?”

His silence felt deafening, and it only made you angrier. You looked up from the ground, once again locking eyes on that damn helmet that you hated at this moment. He didn’t even have the decency to show you his face — the face you had memorized and longed to see again. It seemed like everything he had once trusted you with was now gone, and it hurt far too much to see how distant he was with you. Despising the silence, you decided to take advantage of it and let the bubble of emotions within your chest finally burst.

“I thought you were dead,” you spat with narrowed eyes. You wished you could gauge his emotions, but it was always so hard with the helmet on. He stood still while you continued, “I mourned you, Boba. Do you understand that I thought you were gone this whole time? For 5 years...”

He still remained silent, and your eyes searched his visor for any sign that he even acknowledged the weight of what you said. Scoffing, you decided this was a waste of time if he didn’t even want to answer you. You made a move for the door, but he stopped you with a hand wrapped around your wrist.

“Wait,” he said softly, and you almost cried again just from hearing that voice that you hadn’t heard in so long. “Let me explain.”

You turned, desperately trying not to lean back into his embrace once his hand left your wrist. A beat of silence passed, and you felt your patience wear thin. Boba stuttered as he tried to explain himself — something you hadn’t expected from someone like him. But as he tripped over his words, you deciphered what he was ultimately trying to say.

He never found you because he had other things he had to take care of. You understood what he was trying to say, and you empathized with everything he had gone through on his own. But it hurt that he thought he couldn’t reach out to you for help. And the worst part was that you were all alone for the past 5 years, when you could have been with the most important person in your life instead.

“I could have helped you,” you whispered, feeling more tears well in your eyes. “You didn’t have to go through that alone. And you have no idea what I went through on my own too, Boba. I had no one else but you.”

But he already knew that last bit. That’s what stung the most. He knew everything about your past and that you were all alone in such a large galaxy. You had all but pledged your allegiance to him so many years ago, promising to stay by his side no matter what. And you thought he meant it when he promised the same thing too, albeit a bit begrudgingly. Was it all just a lie?

You could have sworn you heard a soft whisper of an apology before Boba reached out for you again. You let him hold your face this time, but you couldn’t bear to look at him while your tears stained your cheeks.

“I’m here now, cyare.” His thumb brushed away one of your tears, but you cringed at the familiar Mando’a nickname he had given you so long ago. “You can join me here, at the palace,” he offered.

You had half a mind to take him up on that offer. But you knew that the hurt you still felt would only fester into more distrust for Boba. You needed time, and you needed to know he wouldn’t leave you again.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head and pulled away from him, your heart lurching in your throat as you tried to say the words you wish you didn’t have to say. “I don’t know if I can trust you anymore. I– I need time.” You turned your back on him, unable to look at him, even with his face covered by the helmet. “Goodbye, Boba,” you murmured over your shoulder, trying to keep more tears at bay with a shuddering breath.

You weren’t sure how much time you’d need, but you hoped that one day, you’d be able to return to the palace and join Boba’s side. And until that day comes, maybe you could finally learn to live on your own, without relying on a ghost from your past.

-----------

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[origami10]

Ajin ch 86 thoughts

Okay, it’s been a little bit! Thoughts and spoilers under the cut! (Warning, this is very long)

Writing this in a word doc because a) I don’t want to risk going on tumblr and b) I don’t want to risk the post getting deleted in the middle  [note from the end: this ended up being four pages long in a Word document, so I’m sorry]

Ahhhh, last time buying the digital magazine ><    Until... if... Sakurai starts publishing something new...

It seems kind of unfair not to have Ajin be the cover feature if it’s ending DX I guess they’re just starting with a new series, though. Is that how that works? (It has a main character with white hair so I might be interested...) It’s at the beginning of the mag.

Okay, yeah, pages 111-175.  Aggghhhh I’ve always put off reading the end of series, but I think this is the first one I’ve been up to date with when it actually ended. Promised Neverland was close.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ooh completely new characters...?????? whoops overshot the starting page by a few ughhhh it’s definitely the last one... I mean we knew that, but still..... OMG NO IT’S IZUMI AND TANAKA ISN’T IT??    jeez woah  I can’t wait to hear other readers’ reactions    [edit: yes this was about clover, and she recorded her reaction, which was beautiful ;u;] also omg they’re at least appearing together

omg Sakurai’s author’s note: “It’s very cold, isn’t it. Everyone, I hope you don’t catch a cold.”       YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT’S ENDING?

okay, so at least some time skip Tanaka: New identity, who dis Ooh, Izumi called Tanaka “anta” – the rude/familiar version of ‘you’, rather than the polite one. Honestly I don’t remember but it’s probably what she called him previously. And then turns around and called him anata the next page X’D  Okay, I’m glad that not being consistent is okay in Japanese, I always worry/wonder about that ooooh so Tanaka doesn’t have a new identity YET. I wonder how long it’s been?? omg Tosaki prepared it??    Was he thinking that far ahead? Or is he not dead....   ???  okay so he made it ahead of time     oh, and Izumi was the one who asked him for it??? Oh wow, Izumi has yet another change of identity. I wonder if she’s back to (omggg I forget D: her original name... Tainaka [hah]) Also another great shot emphasizing their height difference X’) lmaoooo I always love when there manages to be some humor oh, they’re only about three years apart! I wonder if that helps pin down the timeline at all??

Aw, Izumi still respects Tosaki lmao  “I’m going home.” “You really have places to be?”  Oh I guess that wasn’t quite it- she really was wondering if he was had a living location... so he has been kinda on the run ><    [Sakurai. Sakurai, happy ending. There is, right? Right?]

Oh dude I really didn’t think we’d get any resolution on that ship and like, idk if this counts as resolution but it sure looks like it does right now okay I’m really sorry but part of me is like ///we’re using so many of the remaining pages on this///  although oh I guess it’s only been 10 pages... it feels like so many since the chapters have been so short lately...

heyyyyy  I mean we kinda knew the U.S. ajin would be back or else what was the point of introducing them Ogura not being dead at the end of the series is extremely impressive (also hopefully Kai :prayer hands:  as in I think he survived) so Ogura didn’t tell them he was coming back huh ... with the crew??? :eyes emoji: lmao AND they thought he was dead, I’m cackling oh okay so they had heard he wasn’t dead the close up of Jim’s face reminds of Kai somehow I guess this manga isn’t so long (and the U.S. ajin left enough of an impression) that at least we’re not like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE “I’ll kill you!!” “Go ahead!!”  HA Winnn I think the people in this series need to get their idea of ‘fun’ checked I don’t really understand what he says in the bubble after that... I’ll have to check the English did he like, metaphorically die because he’s out of FKs? I’m not up on my cigarette brands enough to know if that’s an FK or not... I think it’s what the brand turned into...? oh no what’s this omg    is it gonna be Kai? Are they all gonna be in there? Kotobuki??   also this is already super sad that not everyone got out of jail free... unless they did and I’ll see... but also it’s realistic so all for the best I guess?  i have no idea OH HA I thought it was the juvenile detention center but it’s Takahashi !  o_o not entirely sure I understand what Takahashi says to the guard either at least everyone’s having... fun??? KAI KAI KAI    gahhhh this looks exactly like how ch 69 started and agh they’re both in juvie but ahhhhh they’re together??         I’m already scared to read and actually find out –o- oh wait they have dates to get out!  and they said plural ‘we’ “That was fast”  I feel like that panel represents what this chapter means to me somehow lmao they just want them to be not their problem anymore... that really wraps it up nicely, hilariously, and realistically I’m glad I’m not translating this because there are really a couple lines where I don’t completely understand them “something happened that day”  um, yeah WOW I did NOT think we were going to get an answer to whether Kai was an ajin now or not, but I feel like that definitively answers that question?????     also that’s terribly funny HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW KEI REVIVED HIM??       -punches a wall-  Kai’s whole personality is  ‘I don’t really remember that happening’  >_____________________________> Kei... gave Kai a reason to live... because he almost died...?      I still kinda have faith in this wrapping up well but GOD Kai is not a character to invest all your emotion into, laughs cryingly Kotobuki: “You literally never make any sense, man.” oh no “ano natsu” GAH

I just realized that this almost certainly means Kai and Kou never met. There isn’t enough keysmashing in the world to express my desire to throw my laptop at a wall right now

In no way shape or form did I ever expect to get closure on Akiyama, even on him getting out of the barrel

Manabe definitely stole whatever it is he’s holding but it was probably some kind of personal effects...?  [my powers of prediction suck most of the time] he really looks beat up now ;u; Izukyū-Shimoda... Win, that’s not where you traveled, is it?  Maybe I saw it on the Sunday NHK travel program... but it’s also the end of the train line and has ferries going out into the ocean islands.  Is he getting away, or going home.......? or to Hirasawa or something...?

well that was an extremely abrupt shift are they really shooting Satou up into space they’re not using him as a test subject are they that sounds like an even more awful idea than I ever could have come up with okay... oh jeez can we please please not have Satou be Captain America you just KNOW he’s going to make trouble again, ,, , , ,!!

oh jeez Eriko! I didn’t expect to see her but it’s nice! it’s really sinking in that that’s all the closure we’re going to get on Kai isn’t it Eriko tsundere as if that needed confirmed okay cool, so she’s out of the hospital (for now)

It does seem appropriate? Likely? That Kei didn’t go home. WE BETTER SEE KOU THIS CHAPTER oh, it’s fall   (or winter? Izumi said it was cold...) oh phew

Sakurai said RIP KeiKai shippers I guess....  but they still influenced each other so that’s still shippable even though they’re not together?  sigh not everything is so straightforward and I guess it’s good it reflects that

Kei looks happy enough was Kei working a blue collar job with Kou or something? That’s 100% unexpected Kou adorable omg what is his new name gonna be Also ;-; so they’ve giving ajin rights but everyone’s still staying undercover...? or Kou isn’t I guess, that’s sweet oh wow we admit Tosaki’s great     I guess last chapter’s statement that they found his remains must have settled whether he’s alive or not ‘iroiro atta na’  YOU THINK    also pretty sure that’s Kai’s line from the drama CD what’s with that Kei face??? OMG PERF       also that is scarily close to what I wrote in a fic, but also pretty much to be expected crap I guess at least Tanaka and Izumi are with each other? KAI’S MOON JACKET   WITH THE SMILIE       we really messed up characterizing Kai as the sun haha he’s out he’s out he’s out is he going to meet someone literally zooming out on everyone (like at the end of last chapter too) is kinda messing with me Like they’re still around and doing stuff but we aren’t (don’t get to) watch them anymore Kou saying ‘let’s all meet again’... my heart is warm ;0; LMAO

we can at least rest assured that everyone stayed in character

I can’t I can’t I can’t  [note, this was when I thought Kei saying ‘nah’ was the last page]

O MM FRICKING GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

omg Sakurai you’ve done it again bwahahaah a coworker hit him and is like ‘oh cool fine nevermind’ this is WAY more hilarious than I was expecting for this chapter How do I always forget that Ajin has so much comedy not remembering what page number the chapter ends on is nice

Tankobon releases May 7th in Japan Elizaaaaaa Kei’s got a Shion coat

alright uh well I guess that’s good, in a way, we still get to imagine whatever we want

Finishing it hasn’t sunk in yet, I’ve have to get back to you on that one.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #459

“i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh  /  i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away”

Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. You’re getting married. Who’s your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. What’s your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao What’s your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say you’re a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. What’s been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. ♥ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.

[dorovahkiin]

SのK Chapter 132 - My personal thoughts

I'm glad so many people enjoyed this chapter, but for me it was pretty meh tbh. It had some great moments, but the general writing felt super rushed to me.

- So they arrived in Odiha already... I was hoping for more talk and bonding on the ship, but at least we got some talk in Odiha

- The bombs Armin mentioned will definitely be important. I hope it won't be another suicide mission, suicide missions got really repetitive at this point

- Falco finally showed more reaction to the deaths of his loved ones, was waiting for this!

- I loved the MikAnnie conversation! I think it's pretty fitting Annie doesn't want to fight and I'm glad she didn't change her mind. Of course there is a possibility she might join the fight later, but I personally hope she won't. Give her some rest

- Love Mikasa and Annie bonding!!

- The way Mikasa noticed Annie's feelings was really funny. Now we got the confirmation Annie has feelings for Armin either, there is no ship that's more canon at this point

- AruAni haters would say it's character regression of Annie, but I think it's the opposite. Annie always hid her emotions and was a loner, she'd never open up to anyone except Hitch maybe. So her allowing Armin to love her, someone she has feelings for either, is good development. It would have been different if AruAni were toxic, but it's pretty healthy imo

- F if one of them dies lmao I hope they both make it out alive

- When Mikasa said she has the scarf... Does she mean she has it somewhere in Paradis or with her right now? I'm really looking forward to the EreMika confrontation. I used to be both EreMika and JeanKasa, but not EreMika anymore since timeskip because Eren is an ass and a genocidal maniac. But I'm still fond of it and really looking forward to its closure

- Mikasa however is still delusional if she believes she can bring old Eren back. Not to mention old Eren was already a maniac. I can't blame Mikasa though, everyone would be biased in this situation

- Levi's finally talking since chapters again, I missed him! Isayama trolled himself when Levi said "I'll be forgotten if I sleep more" because he got so little screentime 😀

- Same as Pieck when she said "I have nothing to do". I love Pieck, but what's her character arc right now? I don't know and I am afraid she will die soon. But I think she will play a part in the ZeVi confrontation since she was part of rts, has nothing else to do and she was next to Levi in the plane, maybe they'll have a talk next chapter?

- I loved Pieck mentioning her death comrades, I want her to react to Porco's death more, maybe that's the closest reaction we'll get 😔

- So Yelena indeed knows where Eren is going, I thought she was bluffing

- He is aiming for the flying boats in port Salta. I wonder if those flying boats are going to have some importance - I hope. Some people could save themselves by using those planes and they have a military base there, so maybe the military will be more useful than in 130?

- I also had this crack thought: Imagine the military in port Salta decides to take their planes/airships to attack Paradis. A desperate attempt to stop the rumbling "If rumbling won't be stopped immediately, we'll attack Paradis with our planes". It would be a horrible thought, but not impossible. Paradis is totally unprotected right now and an easy target. All shifters gone and a lot of soldiers dead. This would also be a good opportunity to introduce Historia to the story again

- Lmao Yelena wanting approval of euthanasia. Of course euthanasia is not cool at all, but imo way better than genocide. Btw Zeke coming back when? Pls next chapter

- My favourite moment was probably the conversation between Reiner and Annie. I waited so long for Reiner apologising to her and I'm happy Isayama made it happen

- That AruAni goodbye wow. No words could express the same amount of emotions as this eye contact did

- Floch comeback.. Floch dead. I'm not a fan of Floch, but his death and closure was very underwhelming, rushed and one reason I didn't like this chapter so much. He was a plot device this chapter. A plot device for drama and to kill off Hanji indirectly for more drama. I expected more. In this case it would have been better if he died in the port battle or not die at all

- Engineer-kun is a hero

- Too late, rumbling is there. Reiner and Armin arguing who's gonna sacrifice themselves was a bit pathetic. They are both suicidal af. Especially my boy Reiner. I feel like he mainly did it because he still wishes to die as hero. Similar to Historia back then in the snow with Ymir and Daz. That's the main reason I want Reiner to survive this series because his wish to die got so pathetic at this point

- Reiner saying "Armin will stop Eren" started a fight between Reiner Helos and Armin Helos fans which is annoying lol. Of course I tend to Reiner Helos because Reiner is my fav, but tbh I think stopping Eren will be a group effort, so more like Alliance Helos

- Now let's talk about Hanji's sacrifice. Next to Floch's death it's the main reason this chapter was meh to me. I am biased because I loved Hanji and mourn, but imo the death was unnecessary, avoidable and only there to create some drama. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. But still: Hanji is the goat and will be very missed. Now I am afraid we'll have more unnecessary deaths for drama, I'm tired of the repetitive suicide missions

- Levi and Hanji - oh well my heart hurts. Levi yet again lost another important person, how will it effect him? Who is able to hold him back now? He is so alone. But I don't want him to die, even if he could reunite with his comrades again. Levi putting his hand on Hanji saying "Shinzou wo sasageyo" fuck. I wasn't ready for this. And I still can't accept Hanji's death 😭

- So when Erwin and the scouts appeared... Was it a vision or afterlife? Imo it was the latter because we saw Hanji's blood and more importantly we saw Keith Shadis, Hanji doesn't know he's dead. And how is afterlife far fetched if we have paths fckery and titans?

- Some people support afterlife especially because characters could reunite with dead characters again. Dead ships could become alive again. Somewhat. I understand it, but I don't like this thought process at all. Like I am a huge NejiTen fan (never accept Neji's death, it was as unnecessary as Hanj's), and of course I hope they'd reunite again once Tenten dies - but not now, Tenten shall live a long happy life first and Neji would want the same. What I mean is: I'd never wish for a character's death only for the sake of my ship

- MVP of this chaper: Hanji

- My rating: 6 out of 10 maybe? Chapter felt rushed and the deaths were poorly written imo. Other than that it was good

- What happens next chapter? I guess they will either meet Eren or Zeke. Or both? It's getting spicy from now on and I am not ready. Nobody is

[sewerpigeonart]

literally no one asked but that’s never stopped me before; my inhibitions are low bc i’ve been awake since 4am and idk if any of this is even going to make sense when anyone reads it but i want to talk about my 𝑓 𝑒𝑒 𝑙 𝑖 𝑛 𝑔 𝑠

having to choose between hawke and alistair in the fade is literally like the most stressful video game decision i have had to make—and actually, considering i’ve done alternate playthroughs where i choose each of them, i still technically haven’t “chosen” because it’s. so. hard.

if Loghain or Stroud are the warden, they’re obviously the expendable option because loghain has no rights and stroud simply isn’t a character the player was given the opportunity to emotionally invest in.  unless you make a specific party decision in da2, you never even meet him. but when it’s between alistair and hawke, now the emotional stakes are astronomical, because not only is it hard for me to pick on an emotional level, even when thinking in terms of narrative for each of these characters it’s hard to decide which is the better option.

we’re invested in both these characters; we traveled with alistair through origins and either romanced him or became his best friend through our wardens, our wardens with whom i think most players have also developed an emotional attachment to because they’re our own characters.  and hawke was our character in da2, and you could sort of “mold” him into one of three general personalities, he’s still a pretty strong character on his own, regardless of if he’s snarky or angry or benevolent.  and sort of opposite the case with alistair, we know that hawke’s friends are attached to him.

so now it’s down to the wire and you gotta pick one. there’s no other way out. it sucks. and i think on one hand i can actually appreciate that because it means the games did a good job of making me care about not only both of these characters themselves, but their impact on the characters around him.  when i think of sacrificing hawke, my mind at once goes to varric, the living hawke sibling, and the love interest.  with alistair, my mind goes to my warden, who in terms of the game itself isn’t a strongly defined character because like most custom protagonists a lot of the emotional investment comes from our own imaginations and projections. but in that regard it’s like the relationship to alistair is more personal to the player themselves, in my opinion.  when choosing who to sacrifice, i think about who is going to hurt.  i literally burst into tears when i played the hawke route and varric comes up to you in adamant and says, “where’s hawke?” like i fuckin lost it man lmao, and when you talk to him later and he tells you the story and they play hawke’s theme sadly in the background?????? im like im going to pass away now but ANYWAY

so not only do i think about the emotional consequences on hawke and alistair’s companions (and myself), i struggle to choose which option is better narratively. because i feel that both of them have a very strong reason to stay behind. for hawke it’s obvious: with corypheus, it’s personal—way more personal than it even is with the inquisitor who is meant to defeat him. it’s literally in hawke’s bloodline. not only did his father cage the magister, but hawke is assuming the responsibility of “releasing” corypheus upon the world. of course he would give up everything remain in the fade and deal this huge blow to corypheus. it’s more than playing hero, it’s about vengeance for him, and you could even say it’s about protecting his family, if his sibling is a warden and if you romanced anders, protecting him too.

alternatively with alistair: all through origins alistair is characterized as believing himself expendable. “i wish i had died instead of duncan, i’ll kill the archdemon so you don’t have to,” etc. and yes he is young and insecure in origins, and it’s clear when we see him again in inquisition or even the cameo in da2, we can see him more confident, more assured, capable of making his own decisions. but—and i acknowledge this is largely headcanon, but this whole post is explaining why it’s hard for me to choose—i think especially with the romanced hero of fereldan still alive, in that pivotal moment in the fade i would assume alistair would be thinking of her, sorry to leave her and knowing she’ll be hurt but confident she could be the capable hands the wardens would need to recover, even if she is sort of in the shadows by that time, i project that the HoF would assume a sense of duty in helping them recover, even from the background somehow if she insists on kind of staying in “hiding.”

i think characterwise, alistair is always going to have some degree of innate self-sacrifice, that when it comes down to it, he’ll be the one to take the blow. so it would make sense that in the fade, he’d say “no, hawke, you go,” maybe no longer from a place of lower self-esteem like in origins, but i think in his mind, especially since he’s literally been a fugitive from the wardens, he makes the decision in a fairly rational state of mind. he acknowledges the wardens have messed up, and maybe this sacrifice can even be the start to redeeming their honor because he cares such a great deal about them. even hawke changes his tone in the final moments, saying yeah the wardens fucked up but they’re not beyond saving. so even then i think alistair would take comfort in knowing whether it be hawke or the HoF or the Inquisitor or whoever, the wardens will be left in good hands.

i know a lot of the alistair stuff is more headcanon than anything, but going off my own world history with the games and my own role play ideas and stuff, these are the associations in my head and how i interpret the cost of his sacrifice alongside hawke’s.  and i’ve even tried jotting some fic ideas exploring so many different post-fade concepts depending on which was left behind to see if i could construct some mental narrative to help me “commit” to sacrificing one of them, and in honesty, i think in the end i would go with hawke, because even though it’s more of an immediately impactful death (VARRIC IM SO FUCKGIN SORRY), it is personal, and i think that motivation is beyond alistair’s more “honorable” motivation. i think alistair could be convinced to help the wardens before hawke could be convinced to step back and let someone else take care of corypheus “for him,” for lack of a better term.

HOWEVER. it may be wishful thinking in order to cope, but i would be willing to bet that in da4, we find out whoever was left in the fade is not dead after all, because if it is hawke you leave behind, or even with alistair, these are both two protagonists that would have rather unceremonious deaths. narratively, that’s kind of lame writing if we were to forgo the closure of their actual deaths. even in the choice tree it says the person will “most likely” die; in the cut scene as the inquisitor and the non-sacrificed character run toward the rift, you see in the background the other character fight the monster and hit the ground under an attack, but we don’t see an explicit “death.”  they are then, understandably, assumed dead.  but there’s no actual confirmation. and i don’t know the writing team personally, who am i to say they’re indisputably above this, but i would like to have enough faith in them to expect they would not commit to such an unsatisfying ending for that character’s story. even with a more “expendable” character like stroud, i think there’s too many questions left behind. 

the introduction of walking physically in the fade and surviving is a huge revelation in-game. it’s reiterated that that literally hasn’t happened since the first magisters entered the black city.  that’s ENORMOUS. and if they’re only going to explore that twice—or more like one and a half times because we get the vague opening cut scene of escaping the fade, then the adamant sequence—it again feels very inconsistent and sloppy. dorian even says that essentially once people realize it is possible to survive the fade physically, they are going to try it, however unwise and irresponsible.  i think the da4 teasers alone (i haven’t followed da4 updates very closely tbh bc i haven’t been able to play trespasser yet bc i only have a ps3 and i’m trying so hard not to get too spoiled beyond the main inquisition ending asjkfd) imply our experiences with the “real” fade are so far from over.  and thus, i feel “comfortable” leaving hawke in the fade because i would like to believe he’s going to come back. i mean, he’s hawke right? and if hawke’s character can come back, that would then further suggest if you left the warden in the fade, they would have to come back too for whatever the da4 narrative might be.

ok sorry this is rly long and disorganized im bad at communicating ideas effectively but i have been thinking about this lately way more than i care to admit lmao

[bow-woahh]

Heal Me After Hurting chapter 2 DVD commentary ask?

Send me your favorite scene/chapter from one of my works and I’ll post a DVD commentary on it.

Heal me after hurting! it's been a while since I've revisited this so I'm excited to talk about it! It's crazy to think it was nearly a year ago when I wrote it. It genuinely feels like just yesterday.

Chapter 2 ("Sick of saying nothing back") is the chapter where Catra and Adora actually start to communicate their feelings about each other and past together (hence why it's pretty dialogue heavy).

Catra has obviously just woken up from a nightmare and is still feeling pretty out of it, so it makes sense she'd be a little less closed off as a defense mechanism. Plus after hours of not actually speaking to Adora, she actually really wants to.

"Catra? Hey...hey, babe— don't, don’t cry, what’s wrong?”

I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure Adora says babe at least once every chapter. Maybe just one and two. But yes, that was purposeful.

(“For many, closure is a good tool to put an end to lingering questions and thoughts in one's mind, for others, all it does is remind them of things you needn’t reminders of. Over due time, you’ll figure out whether you want that closure or not, or whether to move on and look towards the future.”)

It's so sad that S5 completely destroyed the Micah as Catra's father figure/advice giver character but hey I still love the idea of this dynamic and I stand by it with him as her therapist in this fic.

Also, closure is a very important theme in this chapter, as neither of them got that: Catra because she literally wasn't allowed to get any and by the time she was it was too late; Adora because although she did break up with Catra, it was over text and was the last thing she wanted to do. Lots of unresolved issues were left behind.

“You—” Catra stops herself, takes a breath, then tries again. "You just...disappeared out of my life, left."

There's an obvious reason as to why Adora left and completely cut her off (because of Catra's mental health and how she wasn't just a danger to herself but others too) but it's so unlike her that Catra wants to believe that there was some other reason, that is wasn't just because—in her eyes—that she wasn't good enough. And actually, she turns out to be kind of right.

“I wasn’t well,” she says, mouth dry and words meek. It comes out like an excuse, even though it’s anything but.

This is at the moment the closest Catra can get to an apology, because she knows what she did was wrong and has grown a lot since then, but it's still so hard to admit that, especially to the person the hurt the most.

"It's just, I just...I dreamt about—"

Adora scoots closer. "Everything that happened that night? Yeah, I, um…I do too sometimes. It must be worse for you though, especially because…” she hesitates, then says, “still– you're not supposed to use your voice, you need to fully recover, okay?"

She cares SO much like ❤️🥺

"I didn't know what to do, or say, what was allowed." Adora replies, still apprehensive.

Adora likes rules, and boundaries. Before, although their relationship was obviously still kind of convoluted, for all it's faults it worked. After the incident, even once Catra was leading a healthier life, Adora had no clue how to approach her, if she could approach her. All the boundaries once there were gone with new ones that were so blurry that there was no point in trying to cross them. It was as if they were strangers, which is something Adora wasn't equipped to deal with.

Adora also says before this: “Everyone said– they said to give you space. So you could recover. So...I listened.”

Because she didn't know what she could do, what the boundaries were, she followed the guidelines set for her by others, which may or may not have been the right thing to do.

“You still care,” Catra whispers, bringing her knees up to her chest, head starting to pound as she begins to regret the bold statement.

Despite everything, despite Adora taking care of her the whole day, it's only now that Catra realises (or let's herself acknowledge) that Adora does still care greatly for her. Adora is obviously amazed at how Catra can even imply otherwise, because Adora never stopped caring and she thought it was pretty obvious.

Closing the lingering distance – the lingering tension – between them, Catra moves to sit opposite Adora.

“Adora... I’m sorry. For everything. I wish that– I wish things were different. That I was different.”

This!! Line!! Okay first — the fact Catra said the same thing in S5...I'm a prophet. But also, this is so important because now, just like in the show, now that Catra's finally admitted to the person she hurt the most that she does feel remorse over her actions, she can move forward now. Obviously, the contexts are a little different but I'd say it mostly applies.

Maybe things were always destined to happen this way.

Listen Catradora are simply star crossed lovers, but only for a little while. I just feel like in every universe it only makes sense of they fall out/grow distant before coming back together. They get their happy ending, but it just takes a little while yknow?

"No, it wasn't right, I should have spoken to you sooner, instead of lurking in the background…" the colour seems to rush to her face at the statement, and Catra can't help but be curious about what she actually means.

I remember when I was outlining literally writing how Adora would like,, low-key stalk Catra to see how she was doing. Nothing like super creepy, maybe just sitting in one of lectures or watching her with Scorpia and Catra at a coffee shop that she just happened to go to as well. Completely coincidental.

Catra wants to say 'me too'. She wants to shout it out at the top of the lungs, because all throughout when she was recovering she thought of Adora, love or hate – or a mix of the two – she thought of her.

Obviously drawing from the show here. Like it was clear they never really stopped thinking about each other and the same can be said here. Catra could never quite get rid of Adora from her mind. Partially because of how much she cared and loved her but also because of the fact she'd had so little closure from Adora.

“I didn’t even have my phone. The old guy was pretty careful with who I talked to in the first month or so. But…” she halts, and can’t help but wrap the arms around herself tighter.

A little extra info that I never put in the fic because it just relevant — Catra has a dad in this, which is who she's referring to here. Also, if you couldn't tell from the few context clues here and there, Catra is also pretty rich too. She wasn't exactly spoilt when she was growing up because, for a while, her dad was married to SW (picture evil step mum) but by the time she was around 16, 17, she's out of the picture, because of an,, unfortunate accident. Shadow Weaver is either present or dead in all the fics I write, okay?

“[...]They all told me to cut all ties with you, so you’d be able to focus on yourself, so I could do the same, and what I had wanted to say wasn’t exactly what everyone else expected.”

[Adora taking about the message she sent to Catra] I imagine before Adora agonised over what to say to Catra for days, much to Glimmer and Bow's dismay that they ended up sitting down and helping her right the message that she actually sent, but she obviously hated it then wrote the message she actually wanted to send in her own, before being unable to send it and going with the other one.

“Catra, I’m here babe, talk to me,” Adora says

She said babe again?!? Damn I went to town lmao

“Don’t...don’t cry,” Adora says, unconvincingly and accompanied with a weak smile in an even weaker whisper of her own. That’s all it takes for the dam to crumble completely and overflow. When those tears finally pour down, her first sob sends shivers down her spine, and it quickly worsens from there.

Ouch...this scene hurts to read. I'm sure when I was writing it I was laughing manically at the pain I was going to inflict on you all but...damn. Like the way Catra is trying so hard to stay strong but as soon as she sees Adora distressed again she just breaks down. God how an I getting hurt by my own fic??

Carefully, cautiously even, she wipes a straggling tear from her cheek, and with her lips just slightly upturned, mismatched eyes piercing through sky blue ones, she whispers, “it’s okay now though? Isn’t it?”

This moment is. Everything. So far, a lot of this has been Adora comforting Catra, Adora literally looking after Catra, but this is finally Catra reciprocating that by comforting Adora back, by letting her know ‘I'm here for you too.’ Also the brief tension that this causes.. wonderful.

Catra can see, smell, is Adora, and her lips are right there, looking soft and alluring like they always have, like they'll be enough to dissipate all worries, cast away all her doubts. But she’s scared, scared for this to happen, because it’s all so soon, too sudden, and moments before they'd been crying, and what if she messes up, what if this gesture messes it up?

I loved finding out how I actually fooled people into thinking they were gonna kiss. I'm sorry. But I'm not. Most people actually said they were glad they didn't, which was very much the response I wanted, so I was pretty happy with it.

“I was kinda worried you'd never come around, or that we'd get close and one of us would shut down once the serious stuff was brought up. If I’m being honest, I nearly didn't come— when Scorpia asked.”

"I don't see why she asked or why you'd want to." Catra shrugs

Yes. Scorpia was 100% being a bit of a shit stirrer. She knew these two fools needed to talk to each other.

Casually, Adora let's out the next statement as if it were fact. “They weren't you.” she answers with a shrug.

At this point Adora has long accepted that there's no one like Catra. That there's no one who can replace her. What she was to her. Obviously she tried, but Catra was still there the whole time in her mine. Catra is just it for her and she knows that. So for her, admitting this is as easy as breathing because she's come to terms with it.

But she can't, she's too far behind, she's still processing, and she hates that, because Adora feels – is – a million miles ahead of her, and she wishes it could be easy, that she could be easy on herself, that she could let Adora hear what she wants, no, needs to hear…though she just isn't there yet.

I feel so bad for Catra here because she feels like she can't keep up with Adora's pace, how well she's handling this, but it's not even her fault, like, it's just harder for her to deal with it like :((

Catra never saw the need for it anyway– Adora already looks stunning without it. Expecting her brain to chide her for even thinking that, Catra is practically amazed when there’s no little voice in her head condemning her for thinking such a thing, for going back there.

Progress,, we like to see! Obviously, in the last chapter we see more of this as well, which is great.

Adora, who broke up with her. Adora, who was once her everything. Adora, the one she had hurt the most, was here; talking to her, accepting her, smiling at her, forgiving her.

Callback to chapter 1,, we love to see it lmao

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this! Sorry it took 59 years but to make up for it, chap 8 of bloom will be up in like 2, 3 days! (:

[thesummerstorms]

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 20)

Final chapter at last!

CW: Violence & blood. Decapitation. 

TL;DR Recap: Darman and Etain make it back to the gunship with the injured Atin and Uthan in tow, but Etain refuses to let Zey leave without Omega. Niner lures Hokan into a trap and Hokan is decapitated. Zey offers Etain a choice, but 12 years later the framework still makes no sense.

Beginning Kal Count: 39 Ending Kal Count: 42

This post includes my favorite scene in the book, and has probably double the expected word count because of that. Long-Ass Post.

We open with a Kal Quote. I am ignoring Kal Quotes this far into the game because I am already very informed on Traviss’s opinions, but that does raise the Kal Count to 40 already.

Instead, we focus on Darman writing poetry to a gunship.

:’) Dar has similes and metaphors down at least. Some unnamed clone troopers (white-armored) and a medic come running out and dismiss Darman when he tries to tell them everything that happened to Atin because he’s already adequately marked Atin’s armor. They’ve also taken Uthan, so with, finally, nothing left for Darman to do, he turns around to watch Zey and Etain.

So Etain doesn’t ask who Zey is at all anywhere in this scene, which even with the Force telling her he’s a Jedi and logical clues telling her she’s outranked, you would think that she’d want his name. She also uses his name in her narration later without being told it on screen at any point. So that makes me think they’ve met before this, at least briefly. 

On the other hand their greeting is “formal”/ “etiquette” , not Etain being relieved that fucking finally, here is an adultier-adult whom she knows and trusts, so I don’t think they know one another well.

I’m sure the formal greeting vs “scene from a nightmare” thing is meant to be pointed, but whatever, we’re moving on. Well, except, I do have to point out:

The ARC, who I am calling Maze until I have evidence he’s not, takes off his helmet, doesn’t say shit to Darman, just stares at him. I don’t know why that makes me laugh.

Valaquil departs off the gunship, Darman praises Jinart, and Dar hopes the Republic will keep their word to the gurlanin because “they deserve it”, but we’ve long passed the point where I gave a shit about the gurlanin.

Zey’s priority --> mostly tactical, get this shit show of a mission over, but does try to reassure Etain

Etain --> where are my people???

I love how Dar expects Etain to “soften” because he knows that she longs to be confirmed as having worth and value, has learned this even after a very short mission, but Etain is also deeply loyal and her priorities have shifted.

Um, Maze, buddy? You want to chill?

OH OUCH MY HEART. 

We as readers know that their helmets were shut down by the EMP, but here’s Darman, assuming that he’s just lost another half a squad and that just like Geonosis, he’ll never know for certain what happened to them. The flashback is heartbreaking.

Etain’s ability to use Force-sense is so weirdly inconsistent and plot-selective in this book, but I love her already being able to tell from a distance that Omega squad is okay, even to tell where they are. This is the precursor to her being able to feel Darman “across star systems”, but on some level she’s formed some version of this bond with all of them.

And you know, no one in this book ever explains why the Republic wants Uthan so bad, but knowing from Order 66 that Palps wanted to use her for his personal goals always pisses me off.

Darman has become familiar enough with Etain and her expressions that this expression immediately sets off his “oh shit” radar, and it’s not even the first time. 

The one boot on the gunship and one on the soil is actually a nice tiny bit of symbolism- caught between what the Jedi expect of her and what she’s learned under fire from Omega- if you chose to interpret it that way. And I can actually sympathize with Zey’s annoyance here because Etain, tactically, is being pretty stupid here. If Uthan dies before they can get her proper care, if they can’t get off the planet, then it’s all for nothing. 

But. I wouldn’t want her to react any other way. This is exactly my favorite moment of hers. (Which is why I have the entire damn thing highlighted before anyone calls me out for that lmao.)

Listen, Zey, you know ilu, but bringing up her dead Master in a less than complimentary way was supposed to... do what exactly for your argument? He also completely ignores Darman’s attempt to keep the peace, but we just upped our Kal Count to 41 with the talk of Etain’s loyalty being a mirror.

Again, tactically pretty dumb I’m sure but oh holy hell do I love it. Especially that underlined bit in red. “Darman thought she had changed her mind, but that wasn’t Etain at all.”

Darman desperately not wanting Etain to be targeted by whatever Jedi mind powers he thinks Zey is about to use on her. Darman thinking about how Zey doesn’t know Etain at all, that Zey is taking 100% the wrong approach, but if Darman was just allowed to talk to her-

That bit in red? That and the response Zey’s about to give are two of my favorite lines in the entire book.

Zey gives in. Darman tries to get Etain to stay anyway, I think because he’s worried about the fallout of this moment landing on her, although it’s kind of too little too late for that. But Zey, as tactically expensive as this could be, as annoyed as he has been, is still proud of Etain.

It’s just one little tiny moment that says so much about Dar and about Etain and even about Zey. That little moment of pride lets me think they were better suited to Master and Padawan that maybe either of them recognized or would later accept.

Unfortunately, we now have to leave my favorite scene ever and return to Hokan’s POV. Hokan is injured and doesn’t know where Fi has gotten to, but as expected, Niner’s screaming has caught his attention.

Hokan has this weird double consciousness, this deeply rooted aversion to mercy or anything he sees as weakness or softness. It’s still a really... delicate little moment?

Listen, I know that Niner’s not wounded and this still is upsetting. 

Kal Count 42.

Hokan still is vacillating between thinking of Niner as an it more than a person, and “abomination” and thinking of him as a Mandalorian man who’s been unfairly used. Again, it’s this weird moment of double think, but it works in Niner’s favor, because nobody wants to know what would have happened if Hokan hadn’t taken the time to talk to him, or had decided to use the lightsaber.

The sheer irony of Hokan avoiding the lightsaber because it was too much like what happened to Jango on Geonosis... and then Etain decapitates him... with a lightsaber.

Niner says he doesn’t like to complain, but. Also, still very fair. And a much needed laugh after that last moment.

“Probably okay” Fi. 

Also This raises SO MANY questions because Mando armor is supposed to hold off Jedi if it’s beskar, but this isn’t, which means Fi spends the rest of the series hoarding and or wearing armor that isn’t beskar.

Etain is trembling, we’ll find out from her POV, because she’s still reacting to hearing Niner scream like that, and it rattles her deeply. Which again, I sympathize with, because it makes me upset.

But I mean, even if Traviss forgets it... there has to be a lot of emotion to being handed Kast Fulier’s lightsaber. He was the only one who was kind to her in the Order, at least from her point of view, she failed him, he was tortured to death with that lightsaber, and now it’s being returned to her. This is the closest she’ll ever get to closure, because as with Omega’s original brothers, there are no bodies left for burial. KT completely ignores the weight of that... but I think about it a lot.

Darman being gentle with her and praying that Fi doesn’t open his mouth makes me feel soft, though. And Niner gives her a tiny bit of the acknowledgement/respect she's wanted.

We go to her POV next:

Same, Etain. Same. Again, as she points out... Niner’s heard that before. And none of the rest of the squad who was there for it even really seems fazed?

She’s also guilty  about not being Jedi enough of course, but that’s nothing new at this point. And I’m sure Fi and Niner can appreciate her not-Jedi instincts. (Or does Zey’s tacit approval mean actually her stunt with the gunship is rooted in some Jedi ideals, even if it’s tactically stupid? idk.)

Maze & Zey take turns doing the pacing, confirmed. It’s just funny because earlier Zey was annoying the shit out of Niner by pacing and breaking up the holos at the briefing.

ZEY BACKSTORY! ZEY BACKSTORY! IDGAF ABOUT KAL; WHERE’S MY ZEY BACK STORY.

Ahem.

Anyway, the conversation turns to what actually happens to Etain now. She is, after all, an orphaned Padawan in the middle of war time.

“Etain could think of nothing worse than staying on Qiilura, with its terrible memories and uncertain future... She was alone again and scared.”

Okay, so we can debate what Etain’s duty is in this scenario. As Zey says, she knows better than anyone what Qiilura is like, and that’s info Zey can’t attempt to replicate, even if he reads Omega’s reports. It wouldn’t be the same as having Etain’s first hand experience.

But that... still leaves Etain “alone”, “scared”, stuck on a planet that is “full of terrible memories” and is associated deeply with at least three months of trauma. And she’s going to accept that, because she’s being guilted with the Jedi values of non-attachment and duty to the Republic. But I don’t know that this is the healthiest way for her to finish out her training. Like. Do the Jedi not have counselors or something, Zey?

It’s just... really sad to me.

a) Note to self about the body language here again. “dug her nails into her palms”, tried to compose herself.

b) oh shut up about what’s expected of soldiers; not everything has to be comparative 

c) I had a conversation with  samwichwilson about this scene that’s probably still in the tags somewhere.

But the framework of this choice makes absolutely ZERO sense to me.

Like, my kingdom for the AU where Etain chooses to go with Omega squad and spends the next nine months learning to blow shit up with them. I have no idea how that would work since she’s a Padawan and still technically needs a Master’s supervision, but I would enjoy it. She would definitely be happier than she’s gonna be on Qiilura.

But... while the narrative is presenting this as serious-ish options... like, there’s no way Zey would have actually go through with that last one, right? Point about working undercover aside, if he’s offering to let one clone stay, he might as well offer all 4, and he specifically narrows it down to one of the squad, not all of Omega.

So while Etain typically seems to believe an even lower opinion of her than KT actually writes (to match her low self-esteem) I have to assume that she’s right and she’s being tested here? But Zey, what the hell were you going to do if she said yes and asked to go with Omega? Much less if, when she accidentally caves here in a moment, Darman had said yes and agreed to stay with her.

She would have failed the test, and you can’t really let them start dating under your supervision... so what are you gonna do about that?

Anyway, it doesn’t matter. As unfair as it is, the choice is not really a choice, and Etain has been guilted into remaining in this place she hates. She’ll probably even end up working with Jinart again. Bleh.

Etain seems to be taking these options as if they’re really, truly serious here, but as a reader, it’s incredibly hard to see them that way. Because again. What’s Zey gonna do if she fails the attachment test.

(Unless you want to argue that the predilection with Jedi non-attachment and rules breaking is 100% in Etain’s head here and her guilt and mental conditioning just won’t let her see that Zey is 100% truthful and kindly letting Etain go off with these people she’s become so desperate to attach herself to. But that doesn’t fit like... any canon about the Jedi Order. Or ANY of Traviss’s writing tbh.)

I mean, at least Etain knows herself pretty well here. Her brain is going “abort abort, abort” but can’t actually stop her from doing the stupid thing.  She’s also trying to communicate to Dar that this isn’t her abandoning him, this is her still caring.

Listen, you can point out Dar’s lack of experience and still miss all the “child” bullshit. And honestly, his response to her saying that she’ll miss him comes off... almost a little cold. “You’ll miss me. I’m going to die in ten years, but don’t worry about me because I’m going the closest I have to home.” Maybe he’s trying to reassure her / also not to admit to someone who is now an Officer again that he’ll miss her too. It just sounds weird, even if we get the line that he was “considering it seriously.”

Or I guess what really annoys me is that in this moment that should be really personal and painful for these two characters, this just sounds... weirdly preachy?

Also...like... again Etain had to know that it wasn’t an actual option, even if the rest of the series will pretend that it was, including when she looks back at it in Triple Zero. But I’m choosing to read it more as a mark of her desperation- being so desperate and lonely, and, yes, a little trapped that her emotion overrides what she knows to be true.

💔💔💔

There’s some lines about how she’s a better Jedi Forever now because of “a soldier faith in her” but I have mixed feelings about those because they’re followed up with a bunch of bullshit about how she should learn from him because he had accepted his fate and had no self pity, and I don’t have time for ANY of that. You are allowed to feel bad when bad things happen to you, even if you are a woman or a Jedi.. Fuck off, Traviss.

Sweetheart.

Listen, you know and I know that she’ll see them again, she and Darman will fall in love, she isn’t trapped on Qiilura, a place of her nightmares, forever.

But it still feels like a real fucking downer of an ending.

Still, we have now officially made it to the end of Hard Contact. I haven’t decided if I’ll make posts for Triple Zero or if they’ll follow this format if they do. (Your thoughts/comments/feedback are welcome, as always.)

Final Kal Count was 42, which is actually impressive for a 20 chapter novel in which he DOES NOT APPEAR.

[superjennysunshine]

Day 9: Day 7 - Revelations.

Today was fun. Xenoblades been fucking amazing so far and I’m still looking forward to playing it everyday, unfortunately FF14 has taken a backseat to it but I’ll return once i finish up Xenoblade.

So lets talk about day 7 huh.

I said I didn’t have a post for day 7 cause it was a bad day and that’s partially a lie. It was mostly an average day until I wrote out the post for day 7, at which point it became a bad day.

I didn’t really know what to write on day 7. I tried a couple things and none of them seemed to work and as I kept deleting paragraphs everything kept getting a little more raw and emotional, Attempt 2 was more emotional and raw than attempt 1. Attempt 3 more than 2, etc. On my fourth try I found what I was looking for, that feeling when you’ve struck literature gold and your just typing away filling the page with word after word of exactly what you wanted to convey.

But then I realized something. What I was writing sounded exactly like a suicide note. The first sentence was “I just wanted them to know how I felt.” later i wrote “I want them to know none of this was there fault, there was nothing they could’ve done.” and I started balling in my room, my door was open so I was biting down on my lip, tears streaming down my face as I wrote this letter. Finally I reached an end after 4 paragraphs and just sat there crying.

Ultimately I didn’t post that letter for day 7, of course, and I’m better now, I know that probably doesn’t sound like much coming from me, especially with events as of late, but I do feel better than I did then. But thinking back to it, It felt so final. It was so filled with anger and bitterness toward the world, some sort of lamenting tantrum at everyone who would’ve read it. It read like the words of someone who was about to die and it scared me. Still does today, which I guess is a good thing. 

I think about my own death a lot, hell I daydream about it nearly on the regular. I feel like I’ve told at least one or two people that but I’ve never told them specifically what I think about. I have two separate death dreams.

The first is the Car Dream. In the car dream, I’m driving, on some street near a closed gas station, when all of the sudden i get in a head on collision. there’s glass stuck in me all over, im bleeding out of my ears and my eyes are open wide in shock. I crawl out of the car and lay on the ground by the door, staring up into the sky as the dream camera very cinematic like floats up into the air as David Bowies’ Heroes plays. Melodramatic as hell I know. But that’s how it plays out every single time I have the car dream.

Btw David Bowie makes great credit music. Heroes, Moonage Daydream, Life On Mars they all have such an ending type of vibe too them, like you’re watching someone walk off the field in an 80′s movie. Or in my case die in a fucking car accident lmao.

Anyway..

The other is the Funeral Dream. In the funeral dream I’ve already died. Everyone I expect would be at my real life funeral is there all dressed up to the nines. It’s in the same funeral home as my dads, I guess because it was the last funeral home I vividly remember the look of. There’s no service or anything but there is a closed casket and a television. The Television turns on and a video begins playing. It’s animated the first I hear is Blue by Yugo Kanno, the ending track to Cowboy Bebop. Another very good credit song, mainly because it’s used in the series finale credits. The similarities don’t stop there, as a huge blue sky plays a pivotal role in the plot of this little animation. There’s a shot of me in a hospital bed, presumably in this dream I die of some sort of illness. Don’t know if I’d take it over a car crash but that’s a quandary for another day. I wont go into too much detail about the events leading up to the end of the video. But when the ending crescendo of Blue begins i start running up the side of the hospital, and jumping into the sky, and as the song ends I fly away, only to be seen watching the world below me while sitting on a cloud. It mirrors this picture from the ending of All Star Superman, which makes sense because it’s my favorite image a comic I love, and is also about someones death.

The video is honestly, quite beautiful. It’s stirred tears out of me more than a couple of times.

I’ve had revelations about these dreams recently. In both of them I’m killed by something completely out of my control. An Unstoppable Illness, and An Unseen Oncoming Vehicle. I go away to music, ending music, ending music I love, and in the funeral dream I get closure. I watch the reactions of the people I love and I watch them leave. Knowing that their lives will continue on.

A resolute end. A goodbye.

This entire break I’ve been dreading returning to my friends lives not because I hate them or anything but because It would make it so much harder to leave. I’ve felt exhausted of living for so long, since before I even knew any of them, though I didn’t know that back then. But I got involved in these peoples lives I became something to them no matter how small or big that thing might be I AM something. It all makes senses. I stop talking to my guitar teacher, I brush off every compliment that comes my way, I chuckle and say a half assed thanks when people show me genuine love, I confine myself to my room and never speak to anyone, because I’m trying to prepare. Whether all of it means to prepare to just disappear or kill myself is a question I don’t have the answer to.

The more important question is, now that I’ve figured it all out, how do I feel about it?

Idk. I don’t wanna die, not today. Not right now. I did on day 7. Will I tomorrow? Maybe.

Truthfully, I have no Idea how to process any of this information or what i want to do with it. emotionally I want to go through with it, just POOF out of peoples lives and chill either in this room alone or in the ether. Logically I don’t want to do any of that because that sounds fucking insane.

Idk man. Shits crazy.

[enbyboiwonder]

Speedle, Eric, Cisco and Eddie Thawne!

Give me a character, and I’ll break their ass down

Tim Speedle

How I feel about this character:

God, I love this sassy, sarcastic little shit. The moment he cut himself off in that worry-fueled speech he had prepared for Eric about the dangers of staying in the water too long in the pilot, I was sold. There was no turning back. And I only came to love him more as I watched more of the series, and still more with every episode I rewatch. Also, I love him even more fiercely for every person who doesn’t understand him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

In descending order (for once, I can rank these no problem! Though that will not be true of the others), there’s:

Eric Delko

Ryan Wolfe

Greg Sanders

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

I love his canon relationship with Eric the most, but since I also ship them, it doesn’t count, so... Alexx Woods and Calleigh Duquesne.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

tbh I thought that my headcanon that he has ADHD (which is totally true) would be an unpopular opinion, but that was probably just my anxiety talking. Everyone I’ve talked to about it (who are admittedly few, granted, but still statistically significant) have received it well, so.

I guess... that he does actually care? People seem to take his line about his job as a CSI merely being a paycheck to heart, despite that there are multiple instances where it’s obvious he cares. God, would someone who doesn’t care have taken Wally under his wing like that, and blamed himself when the kid committed suicide? No, no I’m not getting into this now, this deserves its own post, but he is so far from unaffected that it’s not even funny. This boy cares, so much. Whenever someone says he doesn’t, I have to think, Are we even watching the same show?

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

That they hadn’t friggin’ killed him off! They could have had him survive the shooting and then resign to do something else. Becoming a cop/CSI is something that he just kinda fell into, anyway; he might not have minded being one (he has always wanted to help people), but it wasn’t what he wanted to be, he just kept with it because, yes, it pays the bills, but also the science is something he likes and is good at, and he can help people with this job, even if at times it’s only finding closure for the loved ones of the victims. He could have, say, become a social worker like his mother, or even gone back to school to become a teacher, I don’t know. But the point is, he didn’t have to die.

x

Eric Delko

How I feel about this character:

I don’t have much to say about him since he’s not a character I hyperfixate on (which mostly seems to be characters I relate a bunch to, like Speedle), but I do love him! Just, more in the background. It seems I only have two modes when it comes to liking things: I love it obsessively and hyperfixate on it, or I like it passively except where it intersects with a hyperfixation. Which is annoying.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Tim Speedle

Ryan Wolfe

Or maybe the other way around. We do get a lot more wolfeko content, and while the amount of canon content doesn’t necessarily correlate with how much I ship a pairing (I have a bunch of rarepairs I get super invested in), well, it doesn’t hurt. And he and Ryan have gone through a lot character development together over the course of the show, which I love.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Hm. Probably Calleigh and Alexx again, tbh

My unpopular opinion about this character:

I think I’m too late to the party to know what would constitute an unpopular opinion lmao the Miami fandom’s so dead :’/

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

I dunno. I mostly like his canon storyline, though I’m sure as I get through my rewatch, I’ll think of something!

x

Cisco Ramon

How I feel about this character:

I love him so much. He’s the entire reason I even started watching this show, and the main reason I’m still watching it / still want to watch it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Harry Wells

Cynthia Reynolds

Ray Palmer

Barry Allen

(I haven’t seen s6 yet so tbh idk yet if I ship him with Kamilla or just don’t mind them, much less where she’d fall on this list.)

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Caitlin Snow

My unpopular opinion about this character:

I mostly just stay on the fringes of fandom so I have no idea

One thing I wish would happen with this character in canon:

I just want my boy to be happy!! Please, writers, just let him be happy for once? Pls

x

Eddie Thawne

How I feel about this character:

He’s a sweetheart, and I miss him. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Iris West

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Hm, I don’t think I have a brOTP for him

My unpopular opinion about this character:

ditto

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

It feels like this show only kills off the good guys and not the bad guys. Why. Eddie didn’t deserve this!!