#lmao can you tell by the super paragraphs how invested in some of these i am lol

[weebsinstash]

I read Dont Pick Up The Trash You Threw Away bc you mentioned a trashy husband worse than Sovieshu and I am trembling with rage omg. Let me rant. THAT MAN. Holy shit and the way he just??? waltz in with a pregnant woman and has the AUDACITY to ask her if she is cheating on him. Also!!! He just!! Expects her to be okay with him having a mistress!!! And wonders why she is mad!!! Expects her to raise the kid and do his job for him so he can just be shitty and brooding with his inferioty complex and be chill with his mistress while homegirl gets nothing, not even respect.

The responsible women are always cold and arrogant according to these men. And then the Duke tries to act like uwu why arent you giving me attention? Im doing the work pls validate me :(((( I need you to know Im better than you :(((((((((((( Coming up with Oh no, why are you so upset? While they complete ignore the wife and deposit all the thoughtfulness and love towards the other woman. Does not even have the decency to keep the mistress away, flaunts her, and WANTED HER TO PLAN THE WEDDING.

The way he just constantly belittles her, too. Sovieshu was more respectful than this piece of shit. I wish those protagonists got concubines and lovers too and flaunted them, just to see the husbands/fiancées seething with jealousy.

Also why does he say she needs to give birth to an heir if he has already stated the child he thinks is his is going to be legitimized? He IS so much worse than Sovieshu you are right about that. Glad she (spoilers) finally said to break up on chapter 33. Wanna see this dude get whats coming for him while the protagonist enjoys time with the emperor. Goddamit LEAVE HIM.

(This is the post that reminded me to turn my anon asks back on from my main blog and yeah lmao I have been reading so many fucking manhwa and been so into em i was considering making a themed sidelong but, idk fnfkfbdk)

IT'S THE EXTREMELY HEAVY INSINUATIONS THAT THE MISTRESS ISNT EVEN ACTUALLY PREGNANT THAT DOES IT FOR ME, AND ALSO THIS FUCKING MAN SAID STRAIGHT UP "oh don't worry im going to throw her out after she gives birth" like DUDE THAT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF FUCKING WORSE BECAUSE IT SHOWS YOU CANT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY? YOU'D JUST PUMP AND DUMP HER AND STEAL HER CHILD?

Like, at least with Soveishu, I could at least understand the concept behind why he would fall for Rashta. From his perspective, he felt like Navier had become too formal and mature over the years and part of him was yearning for how she used to be and allegedly her temperament used to be similar to Rashta's, combined with uh seems like he was feeling confined by being nobility and Rashta's innocent ignorance was a breath of fresh air. He was with Navier for a pretty decent amount of time, since childhood, and he was selfishly trying to chase "the old days", so to speak, and up to the most recent chapter it's become clear that his relationship with Rashta was really just to fill the gaps in his relationship with Navier which... could have been fixed with proper communication? There's no doubt in my mind that if he had came at her genuinely about wanting them to be more affectionate and closer with each other that it could have had a positive change. By Navier's own words, she didn't realize how strongly she loved Soveishu until he started to do what he did and broke her heart to the point of sobbing in bed when she can usually stay so stone-faced for her position. Also, another "defense" of Soveishu is that he is under the impression that Navier is infertile and he is not (did he forget HE is the one who ate the abortion cookies?) and that he needed an heir and was trying to concoct a scheme to keep that child and make it his and Navier's, because in their high society, if you can't continue your lineage your position is over and will be taken from you

Iike even if soveishu is a stupid bitch he at least had SPRINKLINGS of a good intention?

THIS OTHER GUY IS JUST A DUMB PRICK THOUGH!! We don't exactly know his story with Sisley yet but I'm uh pretty insanely positive she's trying to pull some kind of political uprising since she's the former princess of a ruined kingdom? Since the husband is a Duke and he is not married to the FL? But can we talk about how this dumb motherfucker basically returned from war after 6 years and barely reacted to seeing his fiance at all? No hugging or tears or "i missed you darling", he just focused on getting his side piece up to her room? He didn't even eat fucking dinner with her but he can eat with the mistress, who he even gives the fucking Duchess' room that is supposed to belong to the FL? Also how did the mistress just happen to request a room with a lot of sunlight and the best room was the Duchess' room? She ain't in love with this husband, he's HER TARGET. Also like, if you read between the lines in how the fiancee speaks to the FL, he almost makes it sound like he isn't even sure how the child is his but it must be? So you know what I think? I think Sisley got him drunk and lied about them having sex, and he thinks "oh I was drunk, I have to take responsibility" but, HE'S NOT EVEN BEING HONEST OR GENUINE WITH THE FL ABOUT IT

I really like this FL because she is so capable. He went to war and she took over his position and EXCELLED at it. He had the nerve to tell her not to get involved in the dukedom's affairs when she has LITERALLY been carrying the duke's seal for 6 years? In their culture carrying the seal of a position is the same as holding the authority of that position so literally in name by the process she was unofficially the duke during that time. Can we also talk about what a massive red flag it is that her fiance OBVIOUSLY FEELS THREATENED by her intelligence? I just, I got literally fucking furious st the chapter where he's trying to actually do his fucking job and he's going over the budget for the rainy season and he's all "oh why is it so expensive for this season, my wife is so silly she doesn't know what she's doing, I can fix this right away" BITCH I'M NOT EVEN IN POLITICS AND I KNOW IMMEDIATELY ITS BECAUSE RAIN IS FUCKING HEAVY AND CAN DAMAGE BUILDINGS!! BUT HE WANTS TO FEEL SMART AND RUINED IT, RUINED IT, AND SMIRKED IN HER FACE AFTER ASKING HER IF SHE NOTICED ANYTHING WITH THE BUDGET (AS IN, "DID YOU NOTICE HOW YOU FUCKED UP")

I hate him. The arrogance is off the fucking charts. You want to mention him accusing her of cheating, well, I actually saw a video the other day, in reference to Soveishu, talking about how if a true narcissist accuses you of something you've never done and never would do, like cheating, it is absolutely something they have done before or are already doing. And that clicks for Trash Husband who's name I can't even remember tbh. He is subconsciously aware he's being an unfaithful fucking prick and he is projecting that guilt and insecurity onto the FL. I CANNOT WAIT for the next chapter. I want to see his face. I want to see him react to being fucking dumped. you KNOW he's just going to treat her like she's throwing a tantrum, but I think its fucking furious he said, even just in anger, that she should leave his home. He's the one who said it first. He's obviously an emotionally unstable little cunt and I want him to go down. Jokes on you buddy you're left with your scheming mistress who ain't even knocked up and your fiance who is the smartest woman in the kingdom is gonna go get railed by the Emperor. Fuck you. Eat shit and die.

As a final point, if you want more stories where the FL leaves her husband/partner and starts having a better life, I also have suggestions for "Today The Villainess Has Fun Again" which is about a Korean woman who reads a novel and basically says "this FL is stupid, i could do better" and god was like "oh bet? Let's see then" and she gets reincarnated as the insanely wealthy protagonist and starts using her massive wealth to basically do whatever she wants. Something i think is really interesting and I hope they touch on is that it is being heavily implied that the body's original owner is still in there and is observing the FL and may have even let her take over her body in the first place? So I'm curious how that plays out, if FL is going to be sent back home after she's achieved happiness, or if the original protagonist will let the new one live a good life

There is also "Father I Don't Want This Marriage" which is so fucking cute by the way where after the FL Juvelia leaves her fiance Mikhail he starts literally having a manic spiral and losing massive amounts of weight to the point he is sickly because he is just so pathetic, his bitch mom even tries to beg Juvelia to get back together with him because he literally stops eating, but still fuck him because he's extremely manipulative and after Juvelia refuses to take him back he starts trying to scheme and even starts putting people in danger just because he sees the FL as a possession that has been stolen from him.

Oh and they weren't officially together but another story that really burns me up is "Vengeance from a Saintess Full of Wounds". The protagonist Lua is a saintess candidate who can heal people, but she is considered defective because she cannot heal someone without physically taking on their ailment. It is said outright that a saintess is only as powerful as her genuine feelings and empathy and that Lua has above average healing powers because she is so empathetic. Her crush a knight suffers massive wounds that she heals, but it makes her extremely sick while she's healing. She wakes up after some time and finds out her "childhood friend" is one of those "im actually just a fucking psychopath who was emotionally manipulating you into thinking we were friends for kicks, im actually a freak who hates you and was controlling you like a puppet for fun" kind of bitch who LIED and said SHE healed the knight and also told the knight that Lua had been extremely cruel to her and basically made Lua a social outcast when she was already treated extremely poorly. I would also like to get in another dig at the friend and say the story makes it very obvious her friend has lackluster healing powers because she's so extremely two-faced and one reason she "befriended" Lua was to manipulate her into healing people that she couldn't heal herself. Later Lua ia being bullied and finds out that she has another power, the power to transfer all those sicknesses and injuries she had treated in the past to other people, and decides to take revenge, helped by the prince, who they reveal pretty early on is in love with her because she treated his skinned knee when they were both little kids.

OH AND FINALLY! You want a husband who is like cartoonishly dumb and shitty, a new manhwa is "I Want To Become The Emperor So I Need A Divorce". The FL Arnoah is of the imperial family with her abusive brother as the Emperor. He marries her off to a small Duke who treats her like shit and is stupid and incompetent, like he is cartoonisly cringe. Arnoah has to put up with her husband treating her like shit while he runs around with his mistress and he even publicly humiliates her by doing shit like hosting plays where the actors are based off of them and Arnoah is depicted as a raving jealous lunatic compared to the poor Duke and his innocent lover. Arnoah had a clause in her marriage that says whatever titles she receives will also be given to her husband, which becomes a problem when a messenger mage tells her that her brother and also the next successor were both poisoned and that SHE is now in line for the throne. But wait she can't, because then her dumbass husband becomes emperor and we can't let that happen! So she makes a magical contract with the mage that he cannot deliver the obituary for one month, because in that time, she is going to get divorced, and THEN announce the Emperor's death and become Emperor. It's one of those "the first chapter shows her becoming emperor, then reminds time to show how it happened" kind of story telling and my god I cannot wait u til she rubs this idiots nose in the fact that she became Emperor by playing him. Fucking idiot. He ia so fucking stupid he is literally unfuckable. THE FL HATES HIM SO MUCH SHE IS LITERALLY SECRETLY TAKING BIRTH CONTROL LMAO

Oh and sorry. I have a lot of recommendations. Another one, the husband isn't quite in regret mode because the story is fairly new, but another story is A Divorced Evil Lady Bakes Cakes. This FL is so sweet i honestly cannot even remember why the story calls her evil, I think she was just given a bad reputation but didn't even do anything 🥺 she stayed with her fucking loser husband for NINE YEARS NINE FUCKING YEARS and for almost that entire time, he had a mistress who was his true love. Like, I get it, his mistress actually came first and he was forced to marry the FL. But instead of being a man and making his lover a concubine or something and being direct with his wife that their marriage is political, he just treats her like shit? And she's nice to him about it? She kind of ignores the fact he has a mistress at all? And he's just a prick to her, and when they have a divorce and she starts her own bakery, he mocks her? Fuck you buddy, now she's going to hook up with your brother who treats her like a queen and he's probably going to steal your position as next in line, too. Dude this husband is such a douche that HIS FATHER THE EMPEROR literally throws tea in his face and tells him to go get her back because he liked her and thought she was extremely intelligent and capable. HIS OWN POPS IS CALLING HIM A CHODE. You love to see it. Delicioso~

As a reverse "do not read this" recommendation i am hate reading The Mistress Runs Away because this ML is literally fucking vile but he gets the FL in the end after, god I could write paragraphs but basically he's an untrusting dickhead who accuses her of being unfaithful, abandons her, turns out she was pregnant, doesn't even believe the kid is his, treats her like shit, treats the kid like shit, allegedly eventually becomes nicer but it doesn't even matter because he's a fucking asshole and they SHOULDNT be together. Cannot emphasize enough that the reason they end up together is because the FL is basically a sheltered naive idiot who grew a toxic codependency on him. I don't even like the FL because she doesn't stand up for herself and let's him bully her son. It's one thing if you hate yourself and have no confidence, it's another to stand by and watch the father of your child deny his parentage and even refuse to ride in the same carriage as your son and forces you to ride with him, leaving your son in another carriage all alone. Like. Girl you deserve him at this point you're both hopeless 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[stnaf-vn]

Hi!

I was wondering if you could tell us why you started working on STNAF and what got you inspired and how long it took you to put out the demo?

I’ve been wanting to start a VN but I guess I don’t really know where to start? And yours is just… amazing, I love it a lot. I played twice and got the friend? and boyfriend endings! I’m excited to see the whole game

I guess I’m just wondering what the process was like to make (and still are making) STNAF

Eeeeee I'm excited to learn about your story!! This may be a little long but I'll try to explain it as best as I can!! Well....for starters I didn't actually expect anyone to be invested in this LMAO. I was just like "Man...it'd be cool to make a game." I was going to just base it off the animation but....I thought Friend's character deserved more substance than 'mean, manipulative Friend' So, I love the yandere trope and I think it's so interesting, so I made him a yandere. All game devs start at ground 0, but if you want to make a VN, there's loads of information in LemmaForums, Reddit, Youtube, and you could also ask game devs for advice as well!! (Lord knows how many times I asked @queenlilithprime for help) It took me quite a long while, the demo would have came out a lot sooner if my Macbook wasn't a piece of garbage, but honestly I'm glad it didn't and I'm glad I pushed it back. The original demo had some of the worst art I ever created and I was ashamed of myself for wanting to so badly get it out there I sacrificed quality. So, I pushed it back. Rushing yourself on anything is never a good thing, especially when it's a project you care about so deeply. I rewrote the script three times in the past two months because I couldn't decide on how I wanted the story to progress. Then I came up with the story you know now, and let me tell you: At this point I was BURNT OUT. I was afraid I wasn't being the best I could be, and if I can be completely transparent, there were times where I thought other game devs could handle the story better than I could. But,I started it and I refused to let it be half finished. So, I sent it over to beta testing and there were quite a few bugs. Lily helped me so much work through them and taught me some cool coding tricks. They also helped me get rid of that quick menu (which was more difficult than I expected LMAO) And, well, now here we are! Demo is out, and it's gotten such amazing feedbacks and small things that'll make it even better when I get the chance to update it. My way of working starts like this: 1. Synopsis. Writing down a short paragraph of what the game will be about and how each chapter/day will go is super helpful! Think about what you want your VN to be like. Do you just want to make a short and sweet VN, or do you have a full story to tell? Pull up a Word or Google doc, and write down a small synopsis. 2. Assets/Sprites. Once you have the idea down, fine-tune it so you know what type of sprites and assets to make (backgrounds, props, music, etc.) This is where you get ~artsy~. I use Procreate for my stuff. 3. Game Script. This can be the tricky part. I use Ren'Py for my VNs and I use Atom to edit/write. It's just easier for me since I am familiar with Atom, but there's tons of different text editors out there (Although Atom quit on me, so I switched to VSCode. ) 4. Beta Testing!! You ideally want to give yourself around 3-4 weeks to fully beta test and work out any bugs you might encounter (having others play it can be super helpful too)

There are probably other ways to do it, but this is just what's easiest for me!

So...I hope that helps Anon!! If not, my DMs are open if you need any assistance!

[ishikawayukis]

long ask ahead adklsfj i'm sorry lmaoo not me being like 'wait skz covered i'll be your man on kingdom? did i miss that bc i didnt watch the last episode' but apparently i forgot alsdkjfsl;fjaf i relistened and it's soo bad wtf i listened to the original to compare and i'm dying of embarrassment i can't believed skz won the entire competition when they sang like that in the second round. i personally would have dropped out voluntarily if someone heard me sing like that to be fair there are gems in 4th gen kpop who can sing really well, but they're usually like 1 person out of a whole group but even then why? idols go through so much training and you're telling me they still can't sing well? i think most of the reason lies in the companies and the industry bc i always hear idols singing in registers that are uncomfortable for them to sing in which probably messes up their voices (but fans don't give a shit and praise idols anyway). to bring this topic back to btob they were done so dirty in kingdom. i'm not a melody, but they deserved way more than what they were given most of the groups, esp the top 3 (which i was watching the show for, mind you), performed mostly the same bland concepts: dark, edgy, angsty, mixed with some weird lore tied to myth or supernatural to keep fans speculating and theorizing on the internet. and everyone ate that shit up because dark, edgy = strong, talented (i've noticed that with tons of popular media these days this is the case. being dark and edgy must mean your self-aware about the world and its relentless nature and it also means you're serious and realistic and take things seriously which is cool bc we're not kids we are serious adults but it's usually just surface level conflict and vapid ideas while shooting in a dimly lit setting (also super cool gfx!!). but i digress.) btob was able to utilize different concepts that weren't just "dark, edgy" which was a huge breath of fresh air. it shows that they really understand themselves and their songs, who they are as idols and what their songs mean to them, how they want to send these messages to their audience and fans. it also makes the stages actually memorable and distinct. it's no wonder i remembered several of btob's stages like back door, missing you, and beautiful pain (i kind of forgot blue moon, but the moment i saw the thumbnail i remembered how i really enjoyed it while watching) while i can barely recall any of the others' stages.

answering under the cut because it got kinda long oopsie

ok i fucking cackled after the second paragraph not gonna lie LMAOO you truly said so sorry for those men but- and i love it love the energy my dude gal or not binary pal. and yeah after i watched for the first time i had to immediately watch the original to cleanse my ears

there was a discourse about that a while ago! about kpop now mainly being about the visuals rather than the actual skills, and while there are plenty of groups that can and do sing, companies are more worried about debuting people as soon as possible instead of taking their time to hone their skills, and keep honing them after they debut as well. and yeah they usually make them sing in a way that is popular instead of a way that fit their voices. there are a bunch of great singers or idols that could be great singers if the companies would just, invest in their voices and not just their looks and the concepts

and dude i agree LMAO for me they should've won because they were the only ones with consistent and great perfomances that showcased their skills without getting repetitive and also showing great versatility (and sf9 should've been second the now or never perfomance was the only one that wasn't good but i will blame mnet on that but that's not the case right now i'm just always a fantasy on main LMAO)

after the first episode i remember i said a comment about that, that all 4th gen groups had a similar concept and that it was kind of funny to me, because the other 3 groups all had very different concepts that suit them really well, and you could see even if it was like by a year or 2 that the experience on the field does give you an upperhand when it comes to finding your style if that makes sense. and i'm personally not into the edgy dark concept at all i'm either a sappy bitch, a honry bitch or a bubbly bitch (i'll only accept dark and edgy if it's sexy because of the aforementioned reasons) and the lore things i couldn't agree more, what i liked the more about bitubi's and the sepgus perfomances was that what you see is what you get, even with move like yeah you could've found like deeper meaning to it but it was basically a beautiful performance, none of this having to invent reasons in a way for all of it to make sense

and that's what almost 10 years of experience does to you, they knew what they were doing and what their strenghts and weakness were and they knew how to play with them AND without a full team, imagine is all of them would've been there it would've been even more incredible. but yeah i agree with you so much, they truly understand who they are and what they wanna show

[aleximedicusa]

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥  𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲  𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞  &  𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

Repost,  don’t  reblog.  Bold  what  applies.  Strikethrough  what  does  not.  Italicize  what  only  applies  sometimes.  Elaborate  on  any  points  you’d  like  with  a  *.

𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐬  𝐨𝐟  𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲  /  𝐡𝐨𝐰  𝐢  𝐝𝐨  𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬

i  don’t  | i  just  do  whatever  is  on  my  dash  when  i’m  online  |  mainly  asks  | i  do  little  short  things  mostly  | i  do  my  threads  on  discord |  long  running  threads  that  slowly  build  upon  the  muses

* these days, i don’t have a lot of mental energy for writing long things. if it’s something i’m super invested in, i might go longer, but i really prefer to keep things short these days.

𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

wing  it |  get  a  general  idea  ooc  and  then  run  with  it  &  plot  further  if  need  be | long  expansive  thought  out  story  arcs

* i really, really prefer to plot. i do not have much interest in threads that have a basic setup of ‘they met at a ball’ or ‘they’re lewis’ patient.’ those can be fine if we plot them, but i feel that a lot of threads that start with a ‘winging it’ premise are just... a little heartless and boring. i’m much more invested if we plot. 

𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞  𝐨𝐟  𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬  𝐢  𝐝𝐨  /  𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫

oneliners  only | whatever  dash  shenanigans  i’m  online  for | para  or  multi para | literal  novels

* not a huge fan of one liners, myself. and again, i have trouble with longer stuff these days. i prefer one paragraph / two paragraph replies at the moment. 

𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲  𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐝  𝐟𝐨𝐫  𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬  &  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲  &  𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬

i  lose  threads  all  the  time  &  don’t  usually  get  back  to  them  |  i  tend  to  lose  threads  but  please  tell  me  if  i  have  and  i’ll  reply  | i  drop  threads  pretty  easily  | i’m  really  slow  but  i  will  get  back  to  you  |  i  reply  on  a  schedule/queue  (specify  if  you’d  like)  | i  usually  reply  within  a  week  | i  reply  every  day | i  reply  almost  instantly

* yeah, it depends. i’m kind of like... if i don’t reply immediately, i will not reply for a month. i know it annoys some people to get a thread back immediately when they took a week to reply, but i’m sorry, that’s how my dumb goblin brain works. gotta do it right away or it won’t happen. i’m pretty bad about dropping replies :( i don’t mean to, i just... don’t have a lot of muse for some. 

𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜  𝐨𝐫  𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥  𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬

i  don’t  do  these  ships  (specify  reason  if  you  would  like)  |  i’m  not  against  them  happening  but  it  is  not  the  main  point  of  my  blog | ships  will  have  to  be  super  slow  burn  &  discussed  a  lot  ooc,  super  chemistry  based  (specify  reason  if  you’d  like) | i  love  doing  ships,  hmu i  probably  already  ship  it  just  ask  |  i  ship  really  quickly | i  autoship  or  ship  within  a  few  interactions  | i  mainly  rp  for  the  cute  ship  fluff  or  smut

* nope. lewis’ long term relationship with peter is too huge in his storyline. there is no lewis without peter. and since he only had one sexual experience before he got with peter, it just doesn’t make sense. besides, i don’t... really like writing ships? i’m not a romance person. i don’t enjoy it in media, i don’t enjoy writing it that much. lewis and peter are very much an exception for me.

𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭

i  do  not  do  smut  at  all | i’m  very  selective  about  it |  i  only  do  it  on  a  separate  (blog/discord/specify  here)  | i  mainly  only  do  asks  relating  to  nsfw  headcanons  on  sundays | i  write  it  a  medium  amount  |  i  write  it  all  the  time  and  love  to  | i  am  comfortable  with  foreplay  and  fade-to-blacks but  nothing  further

* not on here, since peter’s writer doesn’t have an rp blog. we sometimes write smut on discord, but on this blog, it will just be confined to nsfw headcanons. 

𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞  𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬

mornings  8-10  |  midday  11-1 | afternoon  2-5 |  evenings  6-8  |  night  9-12 |  ungodly  hours  of  the  day | 1-onwards

* lmao at the moment i’m not working and i’m just anxiously babysitting my email waiting for a response to my phd application, so i’m always on here. i sometimes don’t post that much, but i do lurk on the dash. i see all. 

𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲  𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞

super  slow  and  sporadic,  like  once  a  month  or  so |  slow  and  sporadic  week  long  gaps  between  activity  |  bi-weeklyish  activity  | weekly  activity  | daily  activity  |  i’m  online  nearly  all  the  time

* see the above answer.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬

i  don’t  do  starter  calls  | i  want  to  do  starter  calls  but  often  don’t  have  time |  i  do  selective  calls  |  i  don’t  do  calls,  but  always  feel  free  to  ask  me  for  one!  | i  do  starter  calls rarely  /  regularly /  often

* like i said, i don’t like doing threads that are based on ‘let’s just wing it and see what happens,’ so i usually do, like... ‘like this and i’ll come plot with you and we can figure out who should write the starter’ calls.

𝐚𝐮𝐬

i  don’t  do  aus  |  my  blog  is  an  au  but  outside  of  that  i  don’t  do  them  |  i  sometimes  do  them  but  only  with  a  lot  of  plotting | i  have  a  couple  of  aus  already  feel  free  to  request  them  |  i  have  aus  coming  out  of  my  ears  please  interact  with  them | i  love  making  aus  hmu  to  plot  if  you  think  of  one  | there  are  some  aus  i  won’t  do

* i do like my bbc ghosts au and my vampyr au, but i don’t want those to take over lewis’ main verse. his main verse is 1820s and i really want most interactions to take place then. i can shift him back to the 1700s or write him later in life in the mid-1800s, but i really, really prefer 1820s or 1830s. 

𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬

i  don’t  do  crossovers | i’m  selective  with  crossovers  | i  love  crossovers

* again, same as the above. i’m just a nerd, let me use lewis to nerd out about 1820s medical history. 

[appleciders]

personally, im also deep in the station 19 muck but like you i wish i wasn't. randomly watched it because pandemic and maya bishop is just so compelling, even with all the bad writing i still love her sm. is there anything you would want to see for season 4? your hair cut fic was so good and i cant stop thinking about how much better the season would have been had it ended like that instead.

first off, sorry to both of us for being here! but i guess let’s take escapism where can get it, hey. second, thank you so much for reading the fic!! i’m super honored you liked it <33

as for what i would want for s4...whew. a lot, lmao. i’ll put in under a cut to save my poor non-s19 followers.

mostly, i want them to please slow down the pacing. let story arcs breathe and build and develop. last season was so rushed—ryan’s death and rigo’s death and pruitt’s death all crammed in, andy and sullivan having a shotgun wedding out of nowhere, maya and carina fastforwarding to i love yous with only 30 second scenes and not a real date to be seen, vic hardly getting to process ripley—i could go on. it’s cheap and messy storytelling. cut it out. 

i also really want them to let relationships do the same. i want to see the friendships that were so strained last season to grow again. show me andy, maya, and vic being friends and supporting each other!! for the love of god!! (show me andy and maya being friends, period. for the whole season. the whole goddamn season. no drama between them, only supporting each other through outside drama. if i have to see another season where these ‘best friends’ are at each other’s throats half the time, i swear to god.) 

show me more team-as-family! a) i eat that shit up, and b) that’s supposed to be the underlying theme and premise of the show. show them laughing and goofing off together, show them holding each other up when things get tough, show them teasing each other to hell and back while they cook together in the beanery. invest in that again.

for the romances....develop that shit. honestly, i really hope andy and sullivan either break up or really do the fucking work to fix their relationship, because as-is, it’s a hot mess. and not a hot mess i particularly care to watch. i liked them fine in season 2, but the sullivan arc in s3 (which...not to out myself as having watched chicago fire, but which is a blatant rip-off of severide’s s1 arc in cf) puts him in a place where he’s not really ready for a relationship. and with the amount of shit they put andy through, she’s not, either. i know it’s impossible on a drama, but i would really like andy to be single this season? idk, i’m tired.

maya and carina better not be all sunshine and rainbows. they need to do the work! they need to show the work! after that rushed-ass ‘forgive me’ scene (where carina was...pressured into forgiving maya like the day after she cheated on her??? and that was framed as a good thing?? make it make sense), they deserve to show them actually navigating that broken trust and rebuilding something real. and as someone who doesn’t watch grey’s, i really don’t know carina very well? 90% of her scenes were her supporting maya through her ongoing breakdown (though a  totally understandable breakdown! not criticizing maya for having trauma), so i’d like to see more of a balance of support in the relationship and more development of her as an individual apart from maya. she’ll be sticking around, and that will be much more interesting if she bonds with other members of the team.

dean and vic...look, my hands-down #1 wish for season 4 is that they treat vic hughes well, with respect, with screentime, and with a good arc. she’s the absolute best. and as much as i love dean miller (hint: a lot), he needs to start guzzling his respecting vic juice if the writers are gonna try to set up anything. personally, i’d really like to see them move past it? awkward crushes between friends happen. putting myself in dean’s shoes, living with one of my best friends who i’m also secretly crushing on, watching her play with my baby...it’d be a lot too!! but that doesn’t excuse being a dick, so i’d really like to see them take some time apart, and then start their friendship back up on a foundation of honesty and communication. because they’re so good, guys.

individual character notes!!!

well. i want every person at this goddamn station to go to therapy. they won’t, but i want them to.

andy needs to go to serious grief counseling after season 3. compounded by what’s bound to be a shitstorm from the discovery that her mother is alive? please. in regards to the whole mother arc, i really don’t want it her disappearance to have been like...gang-related. i’ve seen that posited as a theory, and that’s just a whole bundle of stereotypes we don’t need to get into. i also want the mom reveal to be the main revelation that takes up the majority of her arc the first half of the season, just to have time to process it. the captain’s race took up all of season 1—you can give this twist time to marinate properly.  

vic hughes, my moon, my stars! i really loved the snippets of vic’s backstory that they gave us in s3. as someone who lost a family member to early-onset alzheimer’s in november, 3x09 was...oof. a lot. i love how they committed to fleshing out her past and her backstory more and i love the emotional depth barrett doss always brings to the screen. for season 4, i’d love to see vic get to process ripley and jackson properly. (and here i repeat my forever adage for female characters lol: let them be single for a hot sec.) i want her to move in with maya, because i think that dynamic is so fun and ripe for exploration, and then i’d love to see her digging in to her issues and getting help—going back to the firefighter group, actually talking, spending time with her found family. (sidenote: would love to see her help out with some like youth community theatre classes on her days off? developing connections with kids who have gone through losses, supporting them and in turn realizing the support she needs herself...tell me vic singing with kids wouldn’t be the cutest shit). anyway, i just rly want her to get a good storyline. but i’m not a screenwriter so like...hope they come up with one!

i’ve already written much more than i’m sure you wanted, so i’m going to condense the boys into one paragraph lol. i want jack gibson to heal himself and stop sleeping with taken women! his new found family is super sweet, so i really hope he gets to keep it throughout s4. i want travis montgomery to get only good and happy things, and the same goes for warren. actually, i’d love to see warren step into his new role as team Older Person a bit more? i think that would be a really fun and heartwarming dynamic to play with all the other characters. dean i think i already touched on, but i’d love him to take a breath, apologize to vic and explain, and lean on the rest of his found family. he’s gonna be such a good dad and i’m excited to see more of that.

finally: maya. oh, maya. she needs therapy. you can’t have a character say she’s been dealing with suicidal ideation and anxiety for nearly 20 years and just...magically make it all better. she deserves to get to unpack all the shit with her dad, and all the ways that’s impacted her. on some level, i kinda wish she’d not stayed as captain—i love her scenes so much when she’s allowed to be just chilling on the same level as her team. since that’s not the case, finding a right balance of her as captain and her as friend is gonna be super important. i want her to open up to her friends and lean on them. i’d love for mason to come back, too? i think her trying to heal herself, establish herself as a team member and leader, and rebuild her relationships with her brother as well as her found family and girlfriend would be more than enough material for an arc. it won’t always go great! this stuff isn’t an easy fix! but that’s why it’d be worth writing. plus, so many members of the team have shitty relationships with their parents that even though they won’t understand what maya went through, there’s some really fertile ground for compassion and cathartic ‘fuck our dads’ ball-busting i’d love to see seeded. bonus father’s day episode where literally none of them are happy and they decide to like...go play laser tag or something.

anyway, i’m sure that’s more than you wanted!! but thank you for the q lmao apparently i had a lot to say

[crazycookiemaniac]

Omg why are you losing so many followers youve been drawing gay shit for forever??? (Or maybe i as a gay was just interpreting it that way)

Because I literally spammed people every day for one week lmao. And also, a lot of people follow others for specific content. The moment I stop drawing that exact thing they followed me for, they unfollow me. There are also accounts that follow just to make you follow them & if you don’t, they unfollow you after a while. There’s people who followed me for haikyuu & weren’t interested in BC content, and there were people who followed me for BC content but got showered in gay art instead and that was not their cuppa tea. 

But mostly, i start appearing on people’s feed the more I post. So having me post incessantly for one week made me show up on feeds that I hadn’t shown up for  a good while, so there were probably people who forgot they had followed me in the first place & me posting was a reminder to unfollow.

Truthfully, follower counts are dumb. Yes, it is important for you to have a high follower count for you to get attention, but the amount of people actually following you if you don’t have a consistent art style & rarely ever post something with different vibes than your usual ones, is equal or less than 1% of your total amount of following.

My instagram tells me I have 43k. I do not have 43k people following me. I’ve had 43k that once saw my account & pressed the follow button, but their feeds are filled up with other people’s accs that interest them more than mine (as well as my own feed does not show all the content of the 200+ something people I follow, unless I scroll down till the depths of hell to find every single post on that day and then do so on the next day as well).

Essentially, 95% of your followers are there because of content. They want to see what entertains them. Most of them don’t care about the artist and don’t interact with them at all. Many of them are scared to, given the high follower count. Social media & big accounts make people forget that there are other, real, living & breathing people that are behind them all.

So, to many, I was just a random artist they found and “lol”ed at one of my comics & pressed follow without thinking about it. Most of them don’t go to my account and see all other art I’ve posted to see if they actually like what I do, or me as a person and as an artist at all.

People who don’t know this get really discouraged when they don’t earn a lot of followers, or when they lose a lot (like I did). And some people think you gotta have hundreds of thousands to be famous. I’ve seen accs going around that paid for ads, that had over 150k followers and less than 1k likes on their posts.

Truly famous, loved, growing and/or steady accounts have an amount of likes per post proportional to their follower count. For example, if someone has 150k followers, most of their posts will vary from 20k to 100k likes.

When I was growing my account because I hopped in the fandom bandwagon and stupid little me didn’t know that would only make me crash later, I had like 20~30k and some of my posts reached more than 20k likes (because people liked my stupid comics). Nowadays, I’m not part of the fandom that made me grow anymore. I’m part of a very underrated one (Black Clover), as well a I am drawing a very underrated ship (LuGna) that above all else is getting hated on. I have everything against me in this, so it’s no wonder I lost so many followers.

They didn’t wanna see gay art. They didn’t wanna see Black Clover. They didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Not everyone paid attention or kept up with my warnings. Despite me explaining multiple times in multiple posts what the Thunder Flames project was about, a lot of people still didn’t know what I was doing that for.

The thing about being a big follower count is that, unless you’re actually loved for what you do (and to do that, once again, I need to emphasize that you need to keep a steady rhythm, a steady vibe, a steady you. Because people follow you for your first impression on them, and you gotta keep up to that first impression if you wanna keep your followers.

I’m unsteady. One look at my gallery and you’ll see how disorganized everything is. Oh, lookit, a 1 min speedpaint of a random drawing I did on an old piece of paper! And right on the left there’s a stupid random comic I did–on the right there’s this super detailed, shaded drawing I’ve done that actually looks terrible to me and I will 100% archive it later, and then there’s B&W mixed with gray shaded, flat colored and fully shaded characters of different fandoms + OCs from commissions and whatever else. 

The thing is, I made my follower count based on a fandom, and now that I’m not there most of that follower count does not have me on their feed. And most of them do not want me on their feed. Now, I’m trying to build a follower count for who I am as an artist, because the few people who have actually stayed and followed me throughout the years know how inconsistent I am in terms of art style, fandoms and everything else.

A solution to this would me either keep creating/posting the same thing all over again (just in different patterns), or creating original content (which I do plan on doing at some point). But for now? Since my follower count does absolutely not reflect on how many people actually like me and/or my art, I’m going to be as chaotic as fucking ever and do whatever the fuck I want.

So yes, I do find it comical that I lost 1k followers over this and am not fazed in the very least, especially because I literally foreshadowed losing 1k and hit the fucking jackpot.

The only reason I’m talking about this at all is because 1- it’s impossible not to notice my follower count decreasing, especially because every new 1k I thank people publicly through stories; 2- some people were actually worried I was upset over it and I have to 3- show that I am not, while simultaneously trying to show people that just because you’re losing followers doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you want to create content to please people. It doesn’t mean you should be upset, and it doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is bad or wrong.

It means you’re fucking renewing your followers & you’ll now grow for what you’re trying to grow for, bitch. That’s what it’s all about.

Obviously, people do take a great risk doing this. I am taking a great risk doing this. I could’ve lost 5k, I could’ve lost 10k. But I only lost 1k! And that’s because I believe in the project I worked on; I knew there were people out there who enjoyed what I was doing and it’s on them that I was focused on. On the people who supported me AND my art, not just that one single funny comic post I did 3 years ago.

This answer is 100% a lot longer than what you could’ve possibly expected for and I am typing this while being awake for more than 24h so I’m sure that I’ve repeated myself a lot and that there are a lotta typos or w/e and I apologize for that!! But I’m too lazy to go back to read everything over & turn this into a neat post & I’m pretty sure I could answer your question in the first paragraph.

Oh and also. Yes. Yes I have been drawing gay shit ever since I’ve become an artist because I’m so fucking pissed at the lack of canon gay content in a way that it’s depicted as a normal fucking romantic couple instead of having eeeeeeeeveryone point their finger to the gay couple and scream “HEY THAT’S GAY!!! THIS CAN’T BE PART OF THIS VERY HETEROSEXUAL SHOW WHERE EVERYONE IS OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE EVER SAID THAT EXPLICITLY BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT THE CREATORS ARE EITHER HETEROSEXUAL OR TOO AFRAID TO LOSE AUDIENCE IF THEY TREAT GAY PEOPLE AS NORMAL PEOPLE!??!! WHAT SORT OF ABSURD NONSENSE IS THAT??!! GAY PEOPLE AREN’T NORMAL!! THEY’RE GAY AND THEY SHOULD HAVE A GAY SHOW JUST FOR THEM IF THEY WANNA GET SCREENTIME” and yadda yadda yadda.

I’m tired of this bullshit. Ever since I was an artist I’ve been rooting for gay ships in shonen manga while knowing they would never happen just because they were gay, and now that we are in our Blessed-By-Satan, Pandemic-Chaotic, What-The-Fuck-Is-Going-On, We-Don’t-Know-If-We-Wanna-Go-Back-Or-To-The-Future-Or-Just-IDK-Fucking-Die year 2020, in which the LGBT community is thriving and being louder than ever to fight for our rights, Me, in my twenty four years of fucking age, having gone through several fucking disappointments ONLY regarding this matter, am sitting here on my ass, hopeful as all galactic, glittery shit that for some fucking reason, my new OTP formed by very underrated characters from this very underrated franchise in the southern and western communities, becomes canon because my stupid eyes can see chemistry between them even though those stupid haters’ can’t. But that’s because they’re stupid and homophobic, and they really should just shut the fuck up. I don’t wanna dream, I want to believe. Let a bitch pray in peace.

But even if I’m getting ready for disappointment, I’m gonna make this project happen and I’m gonna have a shit ton of artbooks from this Thunder Flames project inside my fucking garage if no one wants to buy them. But I am going to invest a shit ton of money in it and I am going to have these artbooks come to life. Because I am spiteful and petty and homophobes should shut the fuck up, and I wanna do what I wanna do bc as an independent artist, I’m building my future with my own two, very toned and buff by now from all the drawing I did, hands. 

God fucking damn it.

Jesus christ I’m just rambling at this point, I’m so sorry. If anyone ever reads this out of context people are going to be so confused.

But that’s fine. They won’t. You know why? Cuz I got almost 11k followers here on tumblr but less than 0.5% gives a shit that I’m here, so I’m safe.

Have a nice day, drink your water and fuck homophobes. Peace

[bitchsexuality]

i need to scream into the void for a bit so vent post under the cut

my mom is obsessed with me getting a job which like. i DO understand why and i AM trying to find something long-term that i can handle without having Psychotic Breakdown #234928

well. ok i mean technically she’s obsessed with me studying, not just getting any random job, because... honestly as much as i love her i know that she’s trying to live through me in a way and she has lots of frustrated dreams. and i guess she kind of wants to make sure that doesn’t happen to me too but mostly she just wants to see me as an investment that paid off so that her mistakes don’t seem as bad to her in retrospect

i’m not projecting or assuming there, that is 100% what is happening. and it’s been happening for a long LONG time. like when i graduated high school after dropping out because of Psychotic Breakdown #5 (The Big One!) she said that it was all thanks to her because i wouldn’t have made the effort if she hadn’t pressured/encouraged me to which is. absolutely false, dumb as shit and frankly insulting lmao

Anyway. she’s constantly telling me to find something i love to study so i can get a job i love! and be emotionally fulfilled and feel like i have a purpose! or whatever! but the problem is (i’m gonna make a list it’s easier for me):

- there are only like. four things i consistently enjoy. and that’s rounding up

- if one of those things goes from “thing that i like/that distracts me and relaxes me” to “thing that i have to do every day because my life depends on it” then it’s going to stop being something i enjoy really fucking fast, so in the end doing something i don’t particularly like would be BETTER for me because the end result would be pretty much the same BUT i wouldn’t lose one of the At Best Four Things I Enjoy

- probably repeating myself here but it’s important to note that literally i can NOT think of anything less emotionally fulfilling for me than a job. not saying that’s an universal thing of course but the like, structure and feeling of dependency that come with a job would absolutely ruin everything else for me no matter how good it is/seems

- studying is hell for me because the academic environment and all the pressure + obligations involved fuck me up VERY BADLY so even if i found something i love (but not too much) it’d take me like... 7 years to get a degree depending on how long the major is supposed to be for people who don’t regularly have Big Bitch Breakdowns

i probably fucked up the order in which these should be but whatever. the point is that i am NOT going to find my ~vocational calling~ because i probably do not even HAVE a ~vocational calling~. and studying some random thing for the sake of making my mom happy would genuinely just be a waste of time and maybe not lead anywhere because. y’know. a degree does not guarantee a job. so whatever

kinda lost where i was going with this at first but i needed to rant and i’m getting there now. because what finally made me go “ok i’ve had enough i need to write a weird journal on tumblr dot org now” is that she’s currently obsessed with me studying programming. of all fucking things.

like the thing is that whenever i talk to her about my hobbies she’s like “OH THIS COULD BE YOUR JOB STUDY THIS”. and she knows that i a) like videogames, b) would VERY MUCH prefer to work from home, because c) going outside on a regular basis usually makes me uncomfortable and d) my #1 favorite activity is staying in the same spot (often a chair) all day

so for her the very obvious logic there is some kind of youtube recommendation reach of “you like videogames so you will like programming, which is used to make videogames”. and also “you’re good with languages so you’ll be good at programming because uhh Programming Language???” (and completely ignores the part where i keep telling her that i’m not good with languages, i just speak english fluently because i do everything in english so it sticks, and even that just started out of necessity because i fucking refused to play videogames with spanish-from-spain aka Worst Spanish translations/voiceovers, and i’m pretty sure that if i tried to do the same with Programming Language??? it’d either be impossible or give me a migraine because i’m 95% sure you’re not supposed to play videogames by just like. looking at the code).

and HERE IS THE PART THAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SAY FOR LIKE 11 PARAGRAPHS NOW I LOST COUNT: i did try basic programming once and it was awful because... ok honestly i was going to blame it on Probably Dyscalculia Brain but not everything is because of Problems Brain, even for me, who is 99% Problems Brain. i just think it’s very hard and i don’t get it. and yeah i guess maybe i could do it if i spent a long time trying, but like if the idea here is “get a job soon” i don’t think that “spend 11 years learning how to program” is. the best way to do it.

but my mom has this thing where like... she thinks that all those things that i have been talking about for 12 paragraphs are a result of me just being like. stupid? naive? idk. like i don’t understand that the way i’m handling everything is kind of fucking up my life, so it’s a Big Deal. but. i know that. i absolutely know that. and it’s terrifying and upsetting and etc etc etc i was going to overshare more about my current state of mind (bad) and my emotional stability (none) but uh. better not.

so she keeps sending me stuff that i guess she thinks will suddenly make me go “oh thanks mom this article from lifetipsthathelpandaregoodforyou dot blogspot dot com made me rethink my entire life and i know The Way now!!!!”. which is. annoying. AND today’s was an article about how programming is the job of the future and it’s well-paid. and i just. don’t know what to reply to that. like i literally told her “no, i don’t think programming is for me, i know it’s in high demand now and it pays very well, the issue is not that i don’t UNDERSTAND THAT, it’s that i’m just not good at it? and it requires a lot of practice?” and her answer is essentially “you’re wrong <3″ (even though, for the record, she knows even less about programming than i do)

the way i phrased all of that makes it sound super stupid i know but mostly i just don’t know how to deal with her or how to make her happy anymore because it’s like. nothing is enough for her? her idea is “get a job NOW. study NOW. get a job based on what you’re studying WHILE YOU’RE STUDYING it now. learn programming IMMEDIATELY programming pays well. STUDY LITERATURE (the thing that i wanted to do but didn’t) AND LIKE ABSORB PROGRAMMING KNOWLEDGE FROM THE INTERNET AND PROGRAM (it pays well) WHILE UHH ALSO STUDYING BIOLOGY (another thing that i wanted to do but didn’t)” and then “if you don’t do these things it’s because you’re too stupid to realize they’re important. you need me to constantly tell you that you’re fucking up your life because you’re stupid. if you fail it’s your fault. if you do well it’s all because of me”.

it’s like. fucking exhausting. maybe i’m exaggerating and of course the programming thing isn’t the biggest issue here but it’s kind of... all of this has been happening for years, as i said, and i feel it’s been getting worse and worse, so her new obsession with programming is just a tiny little bit/symptom of that but also uh *checks linguee* the straw that broke the camel’s back

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i was gonna send an ask like "have you considered: 'anger is a type of geography' + 4x11" and then i checked and you actually had! but if you feel like considering it More then here's a free space

oh thanks for these Layers of Allyship re: humoring my repeated [anger geography sign tapping] and checking for things and then sending me asks about it all to invite yet more Consideration.........yeah i feel like i mentioned it at least once in tags or smthing lol??? but here comes yet more consideration / giving it an In The Text post if that doesn’t exist already yet either

the Anger Is A Type Of Geography Quote From Hanif Abdurraqib in question for everyone’s reference:

anger is a type of geography. the ways out of it expand the more you love a person. the more forgiveness you might be willing to afford each other opens up new and unexpected roads. and so, for some, staying angry at someone you love is a reasonable option. to stay angry at someone you know will forgive your anger is a type of love, or at least it is a type of familiarity that can feel like love.

like, yeah sure what with winston originally talking to lauren and mafee about this and taylor Happening to walk in on it, he probably wasn’t necessarily planning to go off on his Indignant Monologue to taylor right then and there, but the fact remains that he was willing to do so, and i definitely think that that wouldn’t be the case if he didn’t have this Respect for them and think that they have respect for him in turn, and if he didn’t also think that that mutual respect is holding hands with mutually valuing each other. like, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t think taylor might actually listen / consider what he says, and he wouldn’t even Want to say it if he didn’t give a shit about them, because he’s not just complaining about “um i simply ask for more money,” it’s about the fact he Feels Disrespected by the implied deprioritization of tmc employees and that the way this (false lol) choice is presented to them being Unfair and disingenuous. like, you could (and im sure most viewers do) interpret the other stuff he says as just him backing up his “Pay Me” argument when all he really cares about is the Pay Me part, but a) that’s not how We roll and b) doesn’t make sense with winston being just as happy as anyone else in 4x12with taylor Apologizing re: many of these 4x11 points, despite them not saying they were gonna change the Bonus situation lol, and c) it Does make sense to think that the Mutual Respect between taylor and winston matters to him due to [see: the rest of this post]

well wait lol first of all yeah sure the money Must matter to him b/c nobody could possibly be in the world of High Finance as a passion project (except for taylor apparently lmao cuz i mean we know that the Real reason they are determined to stick with hedge fundery (and involved in the first place) is b/c they are the best part of the show and elevate all the other Lesser Elements of it as well) and also we can figure that this was probably winston’s first year working a Big Time Official Job and he doesn’t have the savings that other ppl might when they’ve been in the business multiple years, and this seems to be backed up by lauren referring to him as they guy who’d be the First One Smothered by either taking a bonus cut by 40% or not getting that bonus at all until a whole other year, which, like he seems to also imply, is also Unhelpful in that surely these investment finance people turn around and invest their own finances, and Bonus Now is better than Bonus Then b/c.....interest....Long Shares.......and also just like tfw you want your job to pay you.......but anyways Seriously [next paragraph]

cuz winston *must* be working at Taylor Mason Capital b/c he really values working with taylor more than, say, wanting a job that will make him the most money, or will necessarily look the best on a resumé if he’s just looking to up his stats, b/c yeah, this is sure an unlikely opportunity for him where this is what we’re assuming is his First Fancy Job and he’s getting to be the Top Quant right out of the gate, but he must also know that like, it’s still like “oh so you were head quant at a brand new fund :/” and also he must know that there’s a Risk with said fund and he might even end up having been head quant at a new fund that burned out really quick, super impressive........and, we Know that winston *knows* how good he is at what he does, even though he keeps getting dunked on for that like he’s sooo conceited lol like. he IS that good, sorry!!!! why should he downplay it, we don’t actually see him being one of these shitheads with a fragile ego trying to prove themselves Superior or whatever.....ANYWAYS yeah the point being that, winston claiming to have a lot of offers already in the interview might very well Not be any kind of bluff, and he’d surely know that he could rise through the Quant Ranks quickly enough at some other fund even if he started out as anything but Our Main Quant at those places.......and if Getting Tf Paid Top Dollar was really his primary concern, “go with the brand new hedge fund which doesn’t have Established History / Experience / Clout and has the one big investor but who knows what’ll come next and any business that Just opened is not your safest bet even if you trust in your own skill and in that of your ceo and you Know that even if you’re not immediately destroyed, funds will be tighter / of a Lesser Amount than at a bigger established fund”.........the now-dramatic-irony of him talking about how those Tech Firms Out West pay guarantees, not bonuses.........like, when he was trying to get onboard with axe cap, he was obvs interested in trying to leverage to get Paid more, which is like, not necessarily winston wanting to be a trillionaire but also just how stupidly everyone’s supposed to like Play The Game of negotiating / leveraging / calling your employer’s bluff to get a certain starting salary / get a raise or whatever, dumb as hell baked-in Requirement........discuss your wages with coworkers gang!!! anyways. and but Also winston makes it clear when interviewing for axe cap that Working With Taylor Mason has appeal, even if he’s flippant about it, cuz he’s flippant about all of it cuz that’s his shtick here.....

like, when it’s Taylor Alone who calls him back eventually, he’s fine with meeting up with Just Them, and later on meeting up with Just Them (and the other quants, rip) again, and agrees to work in this lil basement evidently Not on axe cap premises b/c he’d been at axe cap’s offices and this is Not That Place......and yeah him talking about taylor selling axe on using his algorithm in kompenso sure implies that winston has this whole time Assumed that all of this was still ultimately in the service of axe cap.......and he was apparently fine with reporting to Taylor Alone and not getting to rub elbows with any other higher-ups, and he’s obviously pleased well enough with a “good work :)” from taylor and isn’t like “hey be sure to tell axe & co i did this singlehandedly etc” or anything, and he’s not really complaining about the whole “work in this lil basement Not at axe cap hq with taylor mason dropping in at least once to check on you and that’s about it” situation, which obviously is hardly that “You’re A Valued Axe Cap Employee” treatment one might expect if they wanted that.....winston’s glad that taylor called him, he’s trying to appeal to them and what *they* want to see rather than how he tried to go for what he thinks [a place like axe cap] would wanna see like he did in the interview, he’s showing up at this weird basement rendezvous to be on a 3 person quant team of taylor’s, he’s fine to not only do this on his own but also accept those increased demands that make it a [fifty(? or 15, either way) phds would work on this]-Level task, and then he’s glad just to have taylor’s approval at the end of the day.......they Wouldn’t have been able to promise him any leverage of “please do your best work on this” with like, promotions / clout within axe cap or axe-cap-levels of Lots Of Payment b/c like, well taylor wouldn’t outright lie anyways but also Especially wouldn’t if they wanted to keep this quant around for tmc, so winston must never have been asking about that kind of thing

and then, bless your Missing Scene fic but there’s zero canon content re: “uh how/when did taylor break it to winston that this algorithm was for their own fund actually and btw do you want to work for that fund instead,” but presumably it went smoothly enough, he was already happy to Effectively work for them alone apparently even if he still thought that yeah, he was working for taylor who was working for axe........just Yeah altogether it’s evident that “Working With Taylor Mason” must matter more to him than “working with any Other big name financiers” or “getting paid as much as he can get” or “raking in that clout asap to leverage with Other jobs or just like, in general.”

and then of course you have the fact that taylor is Recognizing his ability by calling him back and offering him this job, going “despite your demeanor your skills are superior” and “those other two were sweet, but you’re more talented, i need you,” [praying hands emoji], and giving him this Second Chance and entrusting him with this Solo re: building this algorithm which, unbeknownst at the time to him, is really this linchpin of their hopes & dreams of launching their own secret fund here, and really they must’ve been planning from the start to keep him around if he succeeded b/c it’s not like the algorithm and their whole planned Quant Department wouldn’t continue to be integral to the fund’s success, it wouldn’t really be ideal to have this guy be the one to build an algorithm to reel in an investor who’s working in.....wait for it......billions of dollars here, and then be like, okay bye dude. they must Know how good he is same as winston knows how good he is, and him being Head Quant from the very start was surely never just about mase cap having precious few employees at the very start of things....they could’ve like given him that Lead Position temporarily or whatever, they’re ceo. but they really do value him as like, maybe he doesn’t have the ideal ~personality~ for what fucking ever, either for being Properly Assertive and Impressively Flashy like axe cap might want, or just easy to work with, which taylor would care more about than axe cap would lol, but yknow, they value his Abilities and surely they must also value his efforts re: I Promise To Try and re: his really singlehandedly making that brilliant amazing algorithm which evidently did the trick as they hoped it would

and then......dare i get to the Emotional part of things, the Interpersonal....the anger and the love...............

i mean already when winnie n tay are having their post-math-meetup meetup, aka the first time they’re meeting After their disastrous really-first meeting aka the Interview, you have winston taking a way more grounded approach to this “yeah i want to work for you please accept me” process which is obviously in response to what he thinks Taylor wants from him based on the mess of the interview, evident thanks to winston telling them that he’s been thinking about all of that.......and i mean, part of taylor’s whole thing is they have that grounded approach pretty much always lol, (or try to....Want to...), but they sure seem to Also be bringing this effort to Accommodate him based on the hot mess of the interview, wherein yeah they wouldn’t’ve expected to have to ever interact again with this person they were dunking into the trash (and of course from that Meta Perspective, the scene when originally written was meant to be winston’s only appearance ever), but they really seem to also be bringing a more dialed down approach, letting him talk first and going along with his “you ever done math meetup” intro until he’s the one who changes the subject, and i really see that Head Tilt as a sympathetic one lol, not necessarily like “awww :’0″ levels lmao but still like. they Know he’s likely to have some [emotional vulnerability] re: what last went down between them since they weren’t especially gentle with him then, and they like, demonstrably give a shit about that fact lol. they’re also not just wholly swinging in the other direction to make up for it or anything lol but they’re Also making it clear that, yknow, they’re willing to work with him For Real, not just in this “are you willing to work for me, y/n, okay great” way, but in this way of [winston making an effort to make things easier on taylor] and [taylor making an effort to make things easier on winston] which is already playing out here between them.

and the whole matter of winston’s seemingly genuine Dismay at messing up even part of this exchange, i.e. the “[wince-ston] damn it, sorry,” like, sure maybe he just really wants the job, but [see: everything above about how he Must primarily want to work with taylor re: wanting any of these jobs lol] and, after all, he “oh shit, sorry”s @ them when he’s well-established as their Head Quant in ep 4x08 and generally shows this directed-at-self displeasure at thinking he’s messed something up even without some clear “your (potential) job is on the line” element......he just Doesn’t Want To Disappoint Taylor Themself, doesn’t need some particular fear of further repercussion behind that.

and speaking of Lack Of Fear, you Know we love to point out how kompenso (and really winston’s :/ + “sure, why not :\”ness at the end of 3x09 lol) demonstrates that winston isn’t afraid of taylor either as an [intense and unusually-demeanor'd person who Does apparently strike people as Scary(tm) sometimes lol] or as this Esteemed Rising Star Axe Cap Higher-Up or simply as his de facto boss.........he’s not raring to tell them that the other quants bailed b/c of his own disapproval lol, but he’s honest as soon as they deduce as much, the tone of “fine, yes, big time” + his standing up to get even closer to them instead of just shaking in his desk chair like :c pls forgive me obviously does Not convey that he’s terrified of them, and then the rest of that interaction jsut being like, ugh god so fucking essential, they’re both able to stand face to face and be like I Am Looking Directly At It / I Do See It re: each other, both of them just continuing to be Honest and Direct with each other, God.....taylor might’ve swatted his metaphor away but he was not all that put out, and then they’re Using His Own Language by bringing it back three seconds later, like, yeah sure at this point they have a vested interest in this individual quant (the only one left lol) accepting this Demanding Task, but a) they’re not exactly playing it cool on that front, they Just said “i need You,” it’s unlikely that this is just some all manipulative tactic here by encouraging his metaphor after all lol and that’s hardly their style anyways even if they Can be strategic(tm) about things, and b) they’ve Just Previously adopted his own words lol with winston having said “as for not being a dick” and taylor saying “you backslid into being a dick” (combining His Phrasing with Theirs aka “if you promise not to backslide”....god!!!!!!)

and so then yeah to top it all off winston even ~pushes his luck~ lol by being a lil deliberately rude re: his ex-coworkers lmaoo, and you get taylor’s Reaction to being sort of tested here to be Closing Off Their Expression (speaking of....their tiny lil Eyebrow Twitch when winston infers that he’s making something to pitch to an investor.....god!!!!!! a) winnie n tay and b) emmy) and making it clear that their interest in him acting Easy To Work With was a practical matter......winston watching them go up the stairs, taylor looking back at him as they Ascend and he gets back to his desk.....jesus

the point being!!! they vibe with each other so well by Kompenso already and just *get* how the other operates and communicates and Neither Of Them are offput by the other, Neither Of Them are unwilling or uninterested in meeting each other where they’re at, and each exerting this effort to really work with each other........and how winston is Not intimidated by taylor as either someone who’s so ~weird~ and can be so Intense, or as someone who is his boss lol........which yknow we always also point out as Important re: tayston developing from this point, where taylor would be careful in how they approach winston about fwbship but would feel like it was even reasonable to consider it in the first place thanks to not having to feel like oh he definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable being honest if he wanted to say no / wasn’t sure

also Yeah It’s Billions but winston freely swearing with the F-word when they’re assessing the completed algorithm, which taylor has no reaction to lol.......the both of them being Hyped about this algorithm lol, like, Of Course they’d both be, but it’s fun :)

and then 4x03, with winston not acting terrified about there being potential Algorithm Problems, and taylor making sure to be like “don’t you dare blame latency” lol like which obv he May Have been planning to mention lol since he’s intending to give this technical answer rather than throwing out his Front Running / Interference Theory like mafee then does.....fun little moment too anyways.......taylor Allowing winston’s tangent about being cassandra and emails and “it’s pronounced owned,” like, they’re not raring to Interrupt / cut him off even if it’s Not obvious what he has to say is absolutely crucial and considered relevant by everyone else, and they’re not telling him he’s a stupid idiot and wasting their time or anything else before sending him away.......imagine. and just think about the beauty of winston very intently / earnestly saying his “i’m cassandra: Always Seeing The Future” right to taylor. 

and in 4x08 they build on his metaphor Again after having just Validated him despite everyone else really wanting to do the opposite lol......i “lol” but would everyone else lay off a little Lol......his self-reproach upon Registering that disapproval / oh-no-i’ve-messed-upness again.......then despite winston Standing Right Beside and then Sitting Right Behind taylor they don’t really interact l o l .....we have taylor being all “why is He so happy” and silently observing his Solo “i won” moment, rip, but also congrats.....and then i suppose that covers the Prior To 4x11 stuff lol

just......even re: the relative little we’ve Seen between them up to that point, winston might not have intended to talk to taylor right then, and he might or might not have intended to eventually talk to them in front of anyone else, but You Know He Knows that taylor listens to him, and that he doesn’t have to like, say things in what other people think is The Right And Effective Way to talk (even by billions’s fucking off the shits standards on that front lol), because taylor Does care about what he actually means and what his actual intentions are, not just “oh that very direct/honest thing you said Seemed rude whether you intended it or not”.......the “sad” after his yngwie malmsteen metaphor was the only time they’ve critiqued something like that lol and they then used that metaphor, So, and they’ve copied him calling himself a dick lol, and they built on his Sword metaphor, and they’ve just always been interested in Understanding him and communicating effectively with him, not in trying to get him to communicate differently or just making sure he knows He Should Feel Bad about how he Does communicate, though god knows the latter is something that everyone else seems to be somewhat #about. god knows some axe capper would have that “are you finished?” simply be the Purely Rhetorical intro to their barrage of Dunking-Upon insults, although it sure seems possible that that could’ve been sort of gently dismissive enough anyways to Encourage winston to not be finished even if maybe he would’ve stopped there otherwise.....but everyone else follows taylor’s lead in Not Actually Interrupting Him at any point, despite all the 9_9 and >:| as it were, and like, even though taylor then lets this whole thing end just with mafee going tf off on winston and bullying him into deferring and would-be deference, b/c winston might have this amount of moxie and he might be honest and he might not be scared of taylor (or anyone else here really) but he’s obviously not that assertive and definitely not that aggressive, he’s self-loathing, he’s easily put out, and all of this just bolsters how much it means that he communicates so well with taylor, b/c they’re Not interested in anything that would be counterproductive to actual effective communication but which might be “productive” if they had a goal of wanting to twist his arm about anything or pressure him into acting a certain way or just fueling their own ego or sense of superiority, axe cap style. they Value all his actual input and they have this respect for him where they don’t Want to bully him even if it’s not that difficult, like, yeah mafee was being mean to him for sure and trying to insult him into simply shutting tf up rather than like, actually responding to any of his points or doing anything but reinforcing them, but also winston has been Put Out by milder [negative responses] too, it’s of course more than just “i respect you too much to like, yell at you and try to diminish you”

and Frankly Winston Was Right and he may have been Indignant and he may not have been ~polite~ about it (though like, relative to how he is generally this Direct And Honest, there’s also not all that much evidence he’s deliberately trying to add some extra servings of Rudeness or anything) but once again like with the “as for not being a dick, i can’t absolute guarantee it” moment and the “fine, yes, big time” moment, and the “im sure it’ll go faster without the dead weight; Whoops ;)” moment, and the [talking about the algorithm problems] moment, and him freely jumping in with the “this plan might get us killed (not literally)” and “it’s b/c it sucks that they had to decapitate their dad, also not literally lol....although...” remarks, he’s just like, never afraid to tell taylor something that sure might not be the most pleasant for them to hear, and sure might not be something they Want to hear. and what’s Honest is that he’s Angry about this, and they won’t want to hear that and that they will even less want to hear his Honest Thoughts about why this is unfair, but he’s willing to say that to them, and even though we were like “haha boy winston if this isn’t fixed big time you might wanna quit :/” it’s also like, he must’ve trusted them to not wanna just fire him for lack of reverence to his ceo, and we can Juxtapose this with a) the scene that we’re set up to juxtapose it with, wherein a group of axe cappers carefully tell axe he’s being dumb as hell and might fuck all of them over, and axe tells them all to shut the fuck up b/c He Is Their Sun and he can do what he wants and get the fuck out of here, and we can also juxtapose it with b) winston being jumped on immediately in The Interview for ~lack of reverence~ to the potential employer, putting on this cocksure hotshot act (trying to..) and daring to express confidence in himself and be like “i should be interviewing you” / you should be selling to Me lol......jump to 4x11 and winston is caught off guard, he’s not putting on any kind of act, he’s not trying to appeal to anyone, sure mafee might turn it around on his [last we checked, the quant hates himself]ness, but this wasn’t about Winston Lashing Out b/c he’s angry at himself, he’s angry at Them for not valuing him, for what he perceives as them not even *really* giving them the option of the 60% Now approach, which sure seems to be justified seeing as apparently nobody but lauren goes for it and after winston invokes the Peer Pressure / pressure to seem Loyal / Committed by deferring, mafee immediately uses that [social pressure] to crush his dissent........where was i. right like. winston’s truly just Mad At Someone Else this time, he wouldn’t be here if his self-esteem was so low that he was immediately ready to just accept and absorb this treatment, and he Knows that taylor will actually listen to him which is their fuckin Mutual Respect thing and who tf else does that for him all the time, and he knows that taylor doesn’t value their own ego above everything else Unlike Some People, and he knows that he can be honest and get an honest reaction and that their honest reaction to his honesty is not “ugh you’re stupid / annoying / rude / etc,” b/c he’s Not, and that might be everyone else’s idea of him to some degree, but taylor Gets him better than that

and then you don’t quite have taylor being obviously Angry back, but they’re not exactly thrilled, and letting mafee go off on winston / effectively telling him they expect him to consider That the response and in turn respond back to that, can sure be interpreted as an expression of something a little short of pure goodwill and best intentions towards him here lol......again, i lol through the pain.......winston only has further reason to be angry, his Complaints weren’t resolved in the least and he came in all “i feel disrespected” and surely that’s only been doubled down on, b/c this isn’t Just “pay me goddamnit,” it’s really also just about the fundamental respect itself, which he figured that taylor cares about too, and so this would be something he could appeal to / expect them to earnestly.....he feels like none of them are being valued more than this feud with axe cap, he (maybe) feels like said feud is causing the quants’ work to be deprioritized in favor of more elaborate schemes based on “what will screw axe over specifically,” he feels like he’s not being valued as a Very Important Employee, he feels like this False Choice thanks to Social Pressure is insult to injury, like they’re not supposed to get a real chance to question this. boy i’m really just going off talking about any and all aspects of this huh, where’s the Anger Geography core here

well here it is: winston doesn’t ever talk to taylor in any more Filtered way due to them being his boss / him feeling a need to be more careful around them, if anything, they’re the one person he can be Least filtered around, b/c they care about What He Actually Means and aren’t all hung up on whether his communication style seems gratingly weird / wrong / offputting. winston isn’t bringing any particular leverage to this situation, yeah sure he pointed out He’s Valuable but he also did that in the interview with even less leverage and in the basement when he thought he was just working on some weird side project for axe cap in this remote quant dungeon - he’s counting on them to just Listen To Him and care about what he means, same as he always does and like they’ve done thus far. and he’s Temporarily Burned by this, which is tragic, but then 4x12 happens, and who knows if taylor and winston talked between these scenes at all cuz billions sure won’t say at all, but either way winston sure seems to pick up on the fact that taylor is responding to his Complaints here, the implication they were taking a too-axe-esque approach to them now answered by taylor deliberately differentiating themself from axe, and asserting that they Do value their employees and their contributions, and that taylor has this responsibility to them, and maybe Had gone astray there with the revenge jag but aren’t actually interested in that being the core of everything.........winston is Validated and we realize it and he seems to realize it lol, he definitely Was listened to, and he sure wasn’t like fired or anything, he Could Be Angry with them and that wasn’t going to lead to taylor wanting to sever even the Professional relationship or anything like that. sure seems to be no grudge held between them during the “q is for quantitative, babey” scene there lol and yeah it’s billions and shit moves fast / people will roll with A Lot of mistreatment apparently (see: winston also does not seem to harbor any grudge against mafee here lol but who knows) but the Fact Is, here they are, having found A Way Out Of [Anger], after having had this altercation which wouldn’t even have been possible if Winston hadn’t felt it was possible for them to interact like this, for him to be mad and be honest about that anger and the hows and whys of it and for that Not to be a dead end between them or something that could shatter the relationship entirely. and he was Validated!!!!

and guess who i also love to quote and paraphrase lol i also think of mariame kaba talking about interpersonal Conflict being possible Opportunities in a relationship, because working through said conflict can allow the relationship to grow / deepen / strengthen. which sure seems to Hold Hands with this idea: that you can Be Angry with someone because you already know that won’t break the relationship, and that even if you don’t already know that, going through that experience / process of Being Angry with someone and coming out the other side together will show that the relationship can handle that / will have involved gaining tools to be able to handle that going forward. and really like, we’ve seen winston Forgive taylor’s anger at him right off, and that may not be the sweeping heights of love but it came from Understanding (and....low self-es steam probably lol) but no really, he Shows that he understands why they reacted like that by behaving in this way that he figures is more in line with what they actually want, just talking and being direct with no boxes or [wags] or standard boring interview questions or posturing, showing he’s willing to work with them in the “please hire me” and “i’ll try to Behave” ways lol........and taylor is offering their own patience and sympathy and restraint and Understanding and willingness to bend.......things are happening on an emotional plane between them here.

and then after winston chooses to be on board with mase cap, and after he’s worked for them so long that it’s comp time baby, and after these few Sample Interactions we’ve seen in which taylor doesn’t cut winston down or show contempt for him and they continue to directly or indirectly validate him, winston can be Angry with them and taylor can (definitely Sorta) be Angry back, and winston surely even Stayed Angry after that scene in 4x11, and he didn’t quit, and was that [terrible self-esteem actually lol] or was it him believing that there could be a way out of this state of anger between him and taylor? both?? we get to decide!! b/c he’s sure not Validated and Vindicated until later lol.....what does he sit there on that couch alone in that room and Think in those moments...........and then once things Are better resolved, they have this whole [episode of conflict] in their history, and like is the whole Point of all of this, that’s hardly necessarily just some awful and unfortunate thing.......their relationship can survive something like that, and the conflict sure sparked this kind of Genuine Interaction between them which couldn’t have happened if winston just shied away from all this / kept it to himself because he didn’t think taylor would Listen or Care or Understand. 

and it’s Not Just About The Money, and even when he expresses that he’s upset about this perceived disrespect / not being valued as an employee, we Know that he’s not someone who’s got this need to feel superior to everybody else / like he’s always Winning, and we know he’s not after Maximum Clout, but he does want to Work With taylor and he evidently wants to feel valued By Them, who does happen to be his boss and does have this avenue to potentially treat any employees unfairly. and we know that winston *knows* in this objective way how good his work is, and both winston and taylor have acknowledged that yeah, His Work / professional quantly ablities have value, so winston Knows he should expect for that to be valued in the form of “your quantributions are important and you’re getting paid to reflect that”........and that he feels like he’s for once not being Allowed Honesty re: everyone supposedly being pressured into deferring is like..........what do he and taylor have if not earnest, open communication b/c they both value and respect what the other Really Has To Say!!!!!! that’s winnie n tay and it’s also tayston.

which, speaking of which, Sidenote: when it comes to tayston hcs we generally have this as a “they’re not currently doing Their Thing at this point anyways, and maybe the fact that that’s been ended (and they Haven’t been talking through this particular conflict yet) is adding to the tension / anger / feeling of not being valued hahaha rip” deal lol, but also if they Were still currently in their fwb/[???]ship like obviously this would spill over and probably require an at-least-temporary halt to give everyone some space seeing as it’d be a little impossible to truly completely Set That Aside in the recent aftermath l o l ......but despite the lingering tension / awkwardness that would be present whenever they Do next meetup [imagine: an I Was On The Phone With You, Sweetheart phonecall prior to 4x12′s scene?? wrow] the layers to that ensuing sex lol......reunion sex? makeup sex? not-hate-sex-but-maybe-still-needing-to-vent-a-lil-Emotional-frustration-maybe sex? maybe all of the above and more

ANYWAYS even i don’t know why this is so long, and also it’s 7am. i definitely think that winston trusted taylor and the Relationship between them to be able to handle Anger (his, for once, lol) and for that Anger to even potentially be something Constructive. and he was right. and in 4x12 he’s there with them at the very end, wearing the tmc logo, standing behind them in the hellhole which is axe cap hq, knowing that taylor is the one person (here, certainly) who definitely Gets and who’s Got him, who’s asserted this loyalty and commitment to him after he’s certainly done that re: them, and once again winston definitely has this Choice to be here with them just like he must’ve had that choice to join up with their fund in the first place, he’s never been trapped with them or forced into alliance with them, and we just Know that he’s not choosing to be here just for Linkedin reasons / what’s best for career advancement and/or for raking it in as best as he can manage and/or for gaining clout and status or whatever, and we sure never see him reaping some kind of deluxe treatment/benefits just for being closely associated with taylor / having their approval. everything we see points to winston caring most about what happens between him and taylor and that he gets to work with them and that he’s here because of that mutual respect and value for each other. 

and really, the show also repeatedly tells us that winston Does basically have these world-class abilities and *is* that valuable, and we know that winston Knows how good he is, and he must’ve legitimately had all those offers and known that he’s really good enough that these places Should compete for him. he must’ve known that he has this Potential here and all of these options laid out in front of him, and he takes taylor’s call and shows up in a basement for them and singlehandedly writes an algorithm good enough to found their fund upon and he follows them there when now he’s got this Proof of just how incredible his work is and could’ve leveraged that anywhere else. but his relationship with taylor has always had this personal aspect to it and the fact is that, even with his choice of Paths laid out in front of him, he chose and keeps choosing the geography of winnie n tay. Love. thank you and goodnight

[walkingshcdow-a]

2, 29, 38

OOC Memes Are Therapy | Accepting!

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

Ask me two years ago and I would have said “no”. Ask me now and you’ll find the answer is more complicated. I don’t care if my partner doesn’t have overly aesthetic posts. I’m here for the writing and camaraderie. But I don’t like overly aesthetic posts. You know the ones - double small text, weird paragraph structure, icons that are too bright or too dark or too small to decipher. I fucking hate that shit. I won’t even sugarcoat it. If you’re about that life, great. I wish you the best, but I won’t RP with you. I want to rp with people whose writing and graphics that I can read, understand, and know how to respond to. I think that’s fair.

That said, I like having pretty things.

I’m super into 90x90 icons (thanks @malefisensational​!) that don’t whitewash and don’t blackout the muse. I like navigable, but good looking themes (hate pop outs though lmao). I like clean, legible, beautiful graphics and I feel like they can add to a scene. I’m not big on trends. I want something with staying power because I’m either investing time or money into my graphics and I want them to last. 

29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

You know, I try to. I don’t expect it from others - that would be heartache waiting to happen! - but I like to do people the courtesy of sending a meme if I reblog a meme from them. It’s not in my rules. I don’t talk about it much. But since you asked: I really do think it’s rude to reblog a meme from a mun who you don’t interact with, especially if you do nothing but reblog memes, quotes, and aesthetics from them instead of RPing with them or talking to them OOC. Like… Go find a meme resource. God. 

I don’t mind when mutuals who I interact with frequently reblog something from me but don’t send. I always figure “They’ll send for the next one”. I hope my mutuals feel similarly because even though I always try to send a meme if I reblog a meme, I must slip up from time to time. I feel like we can always extend courtesy to those who show us courtesy and love to those who show us love.  It’s the people who never interact that get me. Those people… make me feel insecure about my writing in a fleeting way. For a split second, I wonder why someone would never interact with me but reblog my memes, like: “Is my writing/Are my characters not good enough for you???” It’s a little childish and it passes quickly. My worth isn’t tied up in whether or not someone sends a meme. 

Usually, I keep my irritation under wraps most times. It’s not a hill I’m here to die on. It’s just a pet peeve.

38. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

If you follow someone first, it’s your responsibility to say hello. Don’t tell me your anxiety prevents you from messaging someone. You’re here to RP. Roleplay is different than novel writing because it’s a social activity. You are here to socialize. Don’t be shy. Suck it up and say hi. I say this as someone who has general anxiety disorder. JUST DO IT. 

Message people first. They will be grateful that you’ve said hello, treated them like a person, and made your intentions known. 

And once you’ve messaged people, talk to them OOC. Plot. Talk about RL. Support each other. BECOME FRIENDS. Friends make RP so much better. You may never have a “friend group” where all your friends are in the same group chat. BUT YOU WILL MAKE FRIENDS IF YOU OPEN UP. And some days, having those friends are what make logging in to this blue hellscape worth it. Cherish them. Treat them like real people. Love them. You will be happier for it, as will they.

Expect your friend dynamics to change, just as in RL. That’s okay. Keep yourself open to new friendships and IC relationships. You never know what will spark!

[twelveswood]

I like to be called: Kristi.... but... I have a lot of nicknames... (it warms my heart when people call me deer, a nickname originally gifted to me by @seraphicrose and has grown as I tend to include “deer” somewhere in most my online handles these days)

My favorite colors are: Purple and Green!

Gender: Female, but gender is made up so!!! (she/her pronouns but like... I don’t really care)

Things you should know about me:

I can be both REALLY SHY or SUPER EXCITABLE!! I genuinely truly love getting to know people and who they are and what their lives are like out outside of IC interactions. Like I really really care about people, and sometimes I struggle to display it because I’m terrified of being annoying. So sometimes I try to “play it cool” as it were, but please know I genuinely am invested in my writing partners and friends as people. Tell me about your day!! Did work suck? Just... yeah, all that stuff.

I have been RPing since the dawn of neopets. I’m a ripe old 30 years, writing is absolutely one of my biggest passions, but I prefer to do it in RP format rather than on my own. I DO do it on my own too, but I’m much more likely to lose steam when I’m doing it alone.

I prefer long paragraph RP, though obviously sometimes replies are just... shorter. Dialogue makes replies run short and that’s ok! I don’t usually do like... in game RP stuff, except with my best friend and that is usually not planned. I like one on one slow going (though I can be a very quick replier..) RP that takes time and can be paused from because I’m super busy and get pulled away a lot.

I have approximately 465465635468565 characters in XIV alone, so many I can’t make more on some data centers.... BUT I’m ALWAYS making more one way or another, so I’m down to talk new OCs!! I love it.

OOC communication is key. If we can’t get to know each other a little as people... I don’t really wanna RP with you LMAO. RP is very special and meaningful to me, and I’d rather do it with friends than vague acquaintances. RP is like... dating. I’d hate to start something only to find out we SUPER do not click later down the line.

Things you should know about my muse:

As said I have A LOT of characters, but there are mostly just three that I’ve RPed as with anyone outside of my main partner; Dreyll, K’jhir, and Tuyasa.

Dreyll can be both THE WoL or just an echo user, either will work for her to fit into whatever works for you. She is, of my characters, my canon WoL though. She’s very happy-go-lucky despite the state things are in up and into 4.5. She’s determined and she will do whatever it takes to save her friends and she never lacks the confidence that she can and will. She is a Viera, raised in Ul’dah by a couple of lalafell. She had a well loved upbringing and as an adult follows the standard story for the WoL more or less, but the gist is that she’s curious about the rest of the world, and where she came from. Happy as she is with her upbringing, you can’t help but be curious when you’re the only one who looks like you in an entire city. She leaves Ul’dah with a sword and shield in had but finds that she has an innate sense for conjury as well as archery, and when traveling to limsa she takes to the arcane as well. Her MAIN classes are PLD/SCH/BRD/WHM. 

K’jhir (Kajh) is NOT a WoL but does have echo. I think most of my characters (including ones not listed) DO have echo capabilities. He had an uncomfortable childhood followed by a straight up abusive adolescents. The only thing that saved him from likely dying like this was possession by an Ascian which, as one might expect, traumatized him further when the Ascian vacated his body. He’s sort of a mess, but he’s learning that life can be okay, he just has to accept that goodness and fight his fears. He’s for the most part quiet and thoughtful, a bit of a foil to Dreyll. While possessed he gains incredible skill with black magic, which terrifies him after the fact. He prefers physical combat and does everything he can to avoid using destructive magic. His main classes are WAR/DRK/SAM/BLM (but this is for special cases)/RDM/AST.... he’s sort of my jack of all trades play-wise.

Tuyasa (Tuya) is NOT a WoL, but is an echo user. I actually created her because I fell in love with Magnai, so her canon world romance is... well, him. But I’m open to RPing her with others separate from that obviously. Not that all RP has to be romance, but just that it’s not a done deal and things can develop how they develop. She is adventurous and inquisitive. A good and genuinely kind person but more likely to make the tough calls than Dreyll would be able to do (Dreyll of course trying to save everyone and not willing to compromise). She’s the daughter of a merchant and a weaver that left the steppe to take on that life. She’s never been and is determined to see her homeland before she winds up taking over the family business. She’s a self taught astrologian and dabbles in daggers. Main classes are just that, AST/NIN.

First language: English

Second language: I know like a collective 15 words in any other language.

HIGHLIGHT: Active RP Blogs

I DON’T HAVE ANY!!! I have some RP blogs but they’re certainly not active. If you wanted to RP I’d say to message me here and get my discord. ♥

Age range: under 13  |  14–17 | 18–22 | 23–25 | 26–29 | 30+ |  70+

Am I okay with NSFW?: yes | no | some nsfw

My favorite/most common thing to rp is: angst | fluff | smut (Within a plot or reason) | crack | action | plots | darker themes

OC friendly?: yes | no | depends

RP blog: does contain ooc posts | doesn’t contain ooc posts | occasionally contains ooc | aesthetic

tagged by: @starcunning

tagging: anybody just cuz idk who has done this one, I’ve had it in my drafts for like. IDK STAR, WHAT LIKE A MONTH? It’s been in here a while. It took me a long time to do this one skdhkgsjhdg

[fr3aklike-me]

*gonna respond to both of the recent asks in one to fix my mistake oops*

honestly it was a whole lot of just sitting and getting frustrated because southwest kept moving the time and i was just so exhausted so like i was supposed to land by 10:15 but didn’t end up landing until 10:45 and didn’t get home till almost midnight but its ok! thankfully i was able to sleep in!

you’re actually such a sweetheart?? love how me giving you compliments makes you happy which is making me even happier you’re so :’) honestly made me smile so big wow, thank you!! <33

you should feel as confident as possible! you’re such a cool person and i’m actually obsessed with your energy so hope you know that hehe <3

oh my gosh!! you’re so cute properly citing titles…that just made you like 10000x more endearing if that was even possible pls :’)

i think what i enjoy most about theatre is sharing stores and making people feel something. im on the crew for my schools production of cabaret and hearing audiences reactions personally make such long days 6:45-11pm so much more enjoyable because without even realizing they’re hyping everyone that’s involved up. also so often in society we’re taught to bottle up our emotions and i believe all art forms but especially theatre can really encourage sometime to become in touch with themselves and i just think its really special so its why i’ve become so invested.

i really love himym! it’s definitely rom com energy but i really love the dynamics because its similar to new girl and im also a hopeless romantic so i can’t help but get invested super easily lol i started watching it over thanksgiving break and finished all 9 seasons in two weeks so i was definitely attached (but its really good and helps to be a distraction because it’s not something like heavy that you have to really pay attention to which i love)

omg wallows!! yes!! they just released their second album tell me that its over and if you end up listening to it i would absolutely LOVE to hear your thoughts :’)

i also have come to the realization i have a tendency to break things up into paragraphs so i apologize for making this so long but i’m really loving this conversation & hope you are as well <33

-💌

omg, I definitely understand, it must've been so frustrating to have it continuously lengthened, to the point where you got home at midnight of all things. like, that must've been so draining and tiring. I hope you got some really good rest tho!

omg?? omg?? thank you so much, I'm literally smiling rn from how extremely sweet you are. it really makes me so happy omg, knowing I give off such an impression and make you feel that way is such high praise, and I cherish every single word so, so much. thank you so much. you are so sweet omg and it's so touching how open you are of your thoughts, thank you so much. really means the world to me. and omg the fact that it made you smile is so sweet asdfghjkl I'm so glad it did

thank you so much! you also carry such a good energy too, you're so sweet and honest about your feelings, which I appreciate enormously. and LMAO for the citing titles, I am in way too many humanities classes to the point where it feels weird not to cite dkjdkfj 😭

oooh, can you tell me about Cabaret? what is it about? and you're absolutely right, theatre absolutely does an amazing job at executing stories and truly bringing them to life and stirring a feeling within people. I actually do really want to see more plays - there are several local theatres near my university, and I think it'd be amazing to support them and be able to see more of such a beautiful art form. and omg, yes, I can imagine how beautiful it feels to see the audience's reactions and see how they're so moved - it must make it feel so worth it then because you know how much it's impacting the people watching, all due to the team's hard work. oh, yeah, you're absolutely right - all different art forms carry the capacity to express so many emotions and questions and thoughts that exist internally. there's even this quote by Victor Huge that's: "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." and I feel like it's like that in so many art forms - there are ways it can express emotions that can seem so difficult to describe. it really is so special, I'm so glad for you that you get to engage with something so fulfilling. and omg, now I'm inspired to write too fkjkfgj

oooh, okay, I love that romcom energy, I'm also such a hopeless romantic - it's so easy to get me in my feels with romance. what's New Girl about? omg, see, I'm so bad with keeping up with shows, but I miss binging a show because it was that good. and I have so many I want to start. and I feel you, it's like a comfort show that is light enough it won't, like, haunt people for days, haha

omg I absolutely will let you know if I listen to it!! <3

please don't apologize! I also like breaking things into paragraph, because then it's way easier to respond to different things we're speaking on, since it's all neatly divided, hehe. and me too omg I'm enjoying this conversation so much! and thank you, I am, just pushing through the first day of Ramadan fjfgjk how is your day going?

[malunedyne]

¿Creíste que no te iba a encontrar? Quiero todas las respuestas del ask list de canciones de los 80 pero rapidito. (ay no perdón por no preguntar antes pero no tuve tiempo gfsgsfsdfsgfds)

rapidito :3 *se tarda más de una semana* !oof, perdona que el puente se me cruzó xD D:

billie jean: what do you notice more in a song - the drums or bassline?depends on the song! I find funky basslines sweeter to spot than drums sometimes

sweet dreams (are made of this): what’s the best dream you’ve had?maaaaaaaan, that is totally not something imma share here (lol) but I often find lot of peace when I dream of seashores….. it gives me a sense of tranquility and worth for some reason

africa: favourite 80s music video?you’re gonna murder me because I don’t truly watch music videos tbh jdkfkjsdf sorry

every breath you take: who’s the first person your mind goes to when you hear a love song?currently? no one, really

should i stay or should i go: how many languages do you speak?i barely speak spanish, a glimpse of english i have japanese and chinese abandoned atm and i’m interested in bengali too

uptown girl: what’s your favourite book trope?long ass nice paragraphs describing something with a short sentence at the end contradicting the whole paragraph (see Douglas Adams or Lemony Snicket djkfds)

don’t stop believin’: what’s the longest journey you’ve been on?longest in the road? perhaps some 10 hours in bus. as in time spent, a week or so when i was younger

i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me): who was the last person you danced with?uhh….. 5 years ago in college because of a stupid team work? i’m not good at it tho

maneater: where did you spend your last friday night?at my grandma’s backyard, staring at the sky

jessie’s girl: what would you do if you found out your best friend was seeing your ex?I guess I would feel jealous but since i’d have nothing to do romantically speaking with him, i guess i would let it be, people are free to do whatever

born in the u.s.a.: what’s your home town like?a fucking hell. i hate it. i wanna move somewhere else

wake me up before you go-go: how did your last date go?it’s been 84 years….. I guess, as always, nothing happened, or i would remember

girls just want to have fun: relationship with your parents?p good, but the wide generational breach it’s hard for them to understand some of my ‘millennial ways’, since i spend lots of time in the computer, working or watching anime, playing videogames and alla that for further reference since my life is kinda plain at this point, all they think is ‘i’m wasting time’ and they also think i’m talking 24/7 with strangers only when i’m only writing gay shit lmao

beat it: opinions on the police force?fuck the police

never gonna give you up: how old were you when you joined the internet?old enough to troll horny men online, perhaps….. 12 or so? (man, i surely am unforgivable lmao)

faith: when was your first kiss?2012, the cursed year. i was 17

i’m so excited: where was your first kiss?in my high school’s classroom….. remembering the context makes me feel like a bad person though

take on me: could you reach the high note?only with a great amount of effort

footloose: favourite musical?The Rocky Horror Picture Show

9 to 5: do you like country music?it’s not bad, but i’m not very into it either

back in black: what makes a good rock song?catchy riff, a good combination of everything: lyrics, bassline, drums….. a sick solo of any instrument

material girl: are you sentimental?oh hell yeah, i’m actually crying rn (jk but yeah i am lol)

walk this way: what was the most expensive thing you bought in the last six months?I was gonna buy a custom amiibo figure for 71 dollars (aprox.) but i cowered back, might actually buy it but then i wanted to buy some other stuff that is aprox. that price

you shook me all night long: are you seeing anyone at the moment?i was telling my friend the other day “the problem isn’t me being exigent, annoying or just plain weird anymore; the real actual issue here is the lack of men in my surroundings, lol"

thriller: favourite film genre and why?I don’t know, I don’t think I have a favorite, the only requirements i ask for is a fresh and not-predictable narrative; with those elements, i can even watch a romantic comedy movie gladly

i want candy: chocolate or sweets?c h o c o l a t e

ghostbusters: how far do you believe in the paranormal?I DO believe in alla that. For real. And thus, it deserves respect, since those are things that we can’t comprehend

the power of love: does true love exist?true cosmic love is accepting things and people for what they are and be willing to support them when needed

hungry like the wolf: what’s your crush’s favourite music genre?I don’t have a current crush so it’s a relief I don’t have to go facebook-hunting rn lmao

walk like an egyptian: favourite song currently in the charts?i, uh….. don’t know? i’ve been listening to videogame OSTs and my old songs only for months now lmao

(i’ve had) the time of my life: if you could relive any ten minutes of your life, what would you relive?perhaps 10 minutes on high school after the love triangle drama incident….. all in sake of having the clear, vivid memory and sensations to finish my story…..

just can’t get enough: what’s your guilty pleasure?shipping characters and dedicating time to write and read about them, since most of people i know sees it as a super weird hobby

i’m gonna be (500 miles): how far apart do you and your best friend live?i’ve saying i don’t like using honorifics, but FUCK you do live 7,353 km away from here

you spin me round (like a record): favourite modern cover of an older song?I fucking love Arctic Monkeys cover of All My Loving performed in one of their concerts

we built this city: if you were president, what would your first ruling be?sweeping away all of those lazy ass bastards at the chamber of deputies, cutting their salaries and invest more money in education, culture, arts, science and health services since we’re fucked up in almost every aspect

how will i know: do you believe everyone is deserving of love?loving, in the wideness of the meaning, someone else who we think does not deserve it and doing it anyway is the ultimate challenge, but i think everyone deserves love. no one is completely black or white, they just have distorted desires and hearts yet that doesn’t make them less worthy or human

nothing’s gonna stop us now: what’s been the biggest hurdle you’ve faced in your life so far?fucken dysthymia and self-doubt, man

come on eileen: have you ever written a song? if so, what was the genre?oh hell noo, writing songs is a whole challenge

living on a prayer: which was the song of your childhood?Penny Lane - The Beatles. coincidentally enough, my dad used to play that song a lot back when we lived in an apartment, so it was marked as that place’s song

sweet child o’ mine: describe your perfect first date.well, it involves a quiet place so we can chat, i instantly feel the chemistry with the person and an actual interest for them; we can jump from topic to topic and i don’t feel like being ‘someone else’ just so i’m liked

don’t you (forget about me): is there anyone from your past that you regret cutting ties with?not really, i’m okay rn. i lost some friends in this last year but i think i don’t even care anymore

eye of the tiger: favourite 80s movie?THE PRINCESS BRIDE, YOOOO

under pressure: give an example of a world event that occurred the year you were born. uhhh i had to google this one, so um: December 7 – NASA's Galileo Probe enters Jupiter's atmosphere, yay.

with or without you: what would you value most: a relationship or a job?this doesn’t specifies what kinda relationship but i would say it depends on that, actually

another one bites the dust: where did you achieve your biggest accomplishment?may 2012, cdmx. i went to my first therapy session. that’s my biggest accomplishment: care about myself so i can care about others

pour some sugar on me: turn ons?dude!!! long hair, kind aura, guys with submissive attitude, cultured but also willing to admit they don’t know everything and accept new knowledge

in the air tonight: do you enjoy flying?what.oh, no, i have never been in a plane tho !oof

tainted love: thoughts on synthesisers/electronic drum kits/technology based music?g r e a t. a good example? vaporwave, i love that shit

like a virgin: share a controversial opinion. if she breathes she a thot lol no i think all people deserve love. no matter what. but in this site, my most controversial opinion would be my posture that minorities are taking a defenseless posture, as well as being total intolerant to any kinds of frustration and depending of others for self-validation of themselves /you can’t change my mind meme.jpg/

karma chameleon: what do you like most about your appearance?not just yet, but it looks like i’ll inherit my mom’s tuft of gray hairs

@electroma89 a ver cuando traes más :ojitos:

[shadowtearling]

Hey, can you explain what you like about Queen of the Tearling? I wanted to like it because I see a lot of people recommend it, but I tried to listen to the audiobook and DNFed pretty quickly. I think the final straw for me was a scene where she was worried about eating in front of the dangerous man she was attracted to against her better judgement because she didn't want him to think she was greedy or something

u opened a can of worms buddy 

so i want to start by saying i understand that this book isn’t necessarily for everyone. i’ve seen/read/watched rant reviews on this book that details all the reasons why this book/series is shit. i’m like obsessed. And I get it, not everyone is going to love this as much as I do, tastes are different, and I’m literally out here devoting my entire life to this series (lol starting my own religion brb).

some reasoning for the hatred (though valid, ultimately wrong imh(umble)o):

Kelsea is a Bad character — didn’t like that she was impulsive & never thinks through her actions, stupid, vain but has low self-esteem (and I see a lot of complaints about the scenes where she compares herself to her mom, her hatred of her mom and how they think that Kelsea hates her mom for caring about her appearance), sheltered & doesn’t know anything

World Building is Bad — “how the fuck is this medieval with mentions of Harry Potter?!” “why didn’t they bring the fucking important things to the ‘New World’ so they don’t regress???” “what”

“it’s a slow book — “DNF bc nothing happens” 

everyone seems to also be really angry this got called “Game of Thrones meets Hunger Games”

all the reasons i love this series (some a response to the above list):

KELSEA — she is my all time favorite character and probably half the reason why i’m so invested in this series. 

she is so smart (book smart, i mean. i concede she ain’t the smartest on the streets and she’s not good at having a poker face (throne??)  because man does she burn some bridges) 

she’s full of heart (her motivations NEVER waver. it’s always always always about saving her kingdom from others and from itself. everything she does is for the good of her people)

and ultimately that leads to not-thought-out decisions that angers a lot of people

she is dedicated to her kingdom and WILL NOT COMPROMISE with anyone for a middle-of-the-road solution. 

she’s plain (and canonically a darker-skinned character than her white counterparts, i think tan really) and has a lot of self-esteem issues. she thinks about her mom, how vain she was, and Kelsea’s hatred is best explained as that she doesn’t hate her mom for obsessing over her looks, she hates her mom for prioritizing that while the kingdom is in shambles. Kelsea also obsesses over her appearance (and i’m not saying there’s a good way to obsess one’s looks) BUT she doesn’t let that get in the way of her duties as queen. (i’m also not saying someone is above another for not being into their looks). kelsea is INSECURE and it’s great. 

she’s 19!!!! of course she’s gonna think about these things. of course she’s gonna worry about how people see her. i was 19 once and i can tell you, i was definitely full of shit then (and even now lmao) but she learns! she listens to people (though she ignores Lazarus a lot lol) and strives to be better (person and Queen). 

she doesn’t sacrifice her own morals for anything 

she grows so much throughout the series i cry about it all the time

most important: she’s FLAWED. yeah she’s badass but ultimately she fucks up so many times

i love her because i saw myself in her, found myself and my beliefs reflected in her character.

World Building — A+ very interesting and wonderful

i think you definitely need to go into this series knowing what it’s trying to do to kind of explain what is going on with the world. it’s a futuristic regressed society.

the way the world gets explained is through various methods, all very effective. 

i love the little paragraphs at the start of each chapter that give insight to the way things worked (little histories, biographies, quotes, etc.) a lot of them also help characterize Kelsea even further, explain her actions, contextualize.

we get bits and pieces of the world (not info-dumping to explain all at once) and it all gets expanded and explained more thoroughly (through memories and scenes) later in the series. the slow world building is part of the plot and essential to the build up. 

the history gets explained in the end and everything circles back to the beginning. 

this series is very much a delayed gratification situation, and so worth it in the end.

Slow Book — this is true and honestly it’s heavy on the politics (which I love) so if you’re not into slow books, you won’t be into this. to each their own. but i loved it so much. this is a book that kept me up until 7AM reading just to finish. it might be slow but it was intriguing because I was invested in Kelsea.

ok that last point is everyone else’s fault lmao do not blame the book. nothing good ever comes out from such comparisons anyway and in general that comparison specifically is so untrue. 

Characters —they’re all interesting and Great, and their relationship to Kelsea is just *clenches fist* so damn good

Mace — fiercely loyal, father figure, badass, interesting history, super protective but also just gives Kelsea her space, such a dad, SECRETLY A SWEETIE 

Pen — sweet, adorable, loyal, deserves the world, stupid, would do everything (including get fucked up drunk) for Kelsea; i also like to imagine he has a killer smile

the Red Queen — BAMF, also interesting history with very fucked up motivations, intriguing, and her storyline is definitely wild

the Fetch — mysterious and creepy, out there doing That

~~~~ ominous dude ~~~~ — can’t say much besides WOW dude this storyline is kinda wild and unexpected

all the other people who come into contact with Kelsea and literally have their lives changed like #same

Writing — I love it. 

there’s perspective shifts pretty often that help give an overview of the world not just as Kelsea knows it but as it is. it also really helps to give life to the characters. it’s pretty balanced because everything is important to the story. you don’t read about this random peasant just because lol (there is kind of a random peasant)

There’s no all-consuming romance. Don’t get me wrong I love romance and I’m all about that angst. But I also love the lack of one in this because that’s really not where her priorities are. Sure there’s a little bit of pining (from more than one person to more than two people lmao???) but ultimately, for Kelsea, she doesn’t have time for that! 

Found Family!!!!! — i’m a sucker for this trope 

Kelsea and the Queen’s Guard???? FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY 

there’s respect both ways. none of them disrespected Kelsea (i think there was maybe one instance but was remedied immediately) and Kelsea doesn’t think she’s above any of them. THEY WOULD DIE FOR HER (it’s kinda their job, but also out of free will) AND SHE FOR THEM (AND ME FOR ALL OF THEM)

Books — they’re important to Kelsea and she gives people the gift of reading!

Lastly (for now), it’s dreadful. Whenever I read the first two books, I was really fearing for the fate of the tearling (pun kinda intended) and I loved every minute of it. I love just how well desperation is portrayed in this series contrasted with the grim determination of the characters to succeed (read: Kelsea). 

[incaseofjeon]

hellooo i just finished reading lucky strike and i really like your writing!!! it's the second thing of yours i've read :) for some reason i can relate a lot to JK?? in his decision to run away i mean HAHA really interesting style too especially at the beginning, when i was starting to get into the plot. i look forward to reading your other stuff! :) a few questions though (and i'm sorry if this has been asked) but 1. what was jimin's power?? 2. what are your fav books? yay! thanks!! -c

omgg THANK YOU SO MUCH ;A; im so so so happy that you read that fic and enjoyed it ahhhhdhsfjds ;__; though ohh i wonder what the first of my fics you read was 👀? hahfbds

and im glad you found his character relatable ;;;; when writing it his story was also the one sort of closest to me personally? so im really glad that other people found him relatable too ahhfjddsj so jUST. thank you!!! thank you so much, for reading and for taking the time to tell me this T–T im really happyy

as for your questions! here ill put them under a read-more bc i just know im gonna get rambly omfgdf

ok so, jimin’s power - I’M ACTUALLY SO GLAD YOU ASKED, because it’s a part of the story that almost no one’s asked about even though it’s kind of a big deal for jimin. which is….jimin doesn’t have a power lmaO. almost everyone in that au has superpowers; its the norm to have one, but fic!jimin just..doesn’t. it’s something he’s probably felt odd about growing up; in his growing years he probably tended to feel like he had to work extra hard to be sort of special or noticed and stuff T-T that’s also part of the reason he originally was drawn to jeongguk in school after the dictionary incident - by that age he’d kind of started to guess that he wasn’t going to develop a power, since it’s really rare for it to develop any later than teenage years, and jeongguk was the first person he’d known to not like his own power ;; so to jimin it was kind of eye-opening to realise that the power he’d always been upset about not having could possibly bring harm as well as good ahjsbdsjhd..so yeAH!! im so so glad you asked this omdfd i feel like..im finally doing fic!jimin justice in telling his unwritten story T–T

and MY FAVOURITE BOOKS. omfg there’s so so many im just going to list as many as i can think of off the top of my head:

1. The Raw Shark Texts (by Steven Hall)

this one is one of my all time favourites, and a HUGE huge huge inspiration in writing that’s left an impact on me for a really long time ;; IT’S SO UNDERRATED but it’s super gripping and interesting and experimentally fresh, and has really well-written themes of like love and loss and unfaithful memories and losing memories and a lot of cool internal/mental things like that! the ending is super cool to me, too ;;; the writing style is like nothing ive ever really seen anywhere else and is just super compelling in the way the author selects and arranges certain simple words in un-simple ways? and there are many parts of this book that are ambiguous in what exactly happened; that’s exactly why i love it? idk i jsut - i get super super excited about this book pleasE READ IT 

2. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake (by Aimee Bender)

actually, i have loved about every single thing by aimee bender that i’ve read, but this is the only novel of hers ive read so far so i’ll go with that hjsbdjhsf…her short story collections are super lovely too, some of my favourite short stories by her are Job’s Jobs, Appleless, Death Watch, Motherfucker, I Will Pick Out Your Ribs (from My Teeth), and Faces. Aimee Bender is really one of my favourite authors ever, she has a really distinctive style and flavour thats creative and poetic and charmingly matter-of-fact all at once, that makes the most mundane stuff seem magical and the most magical stuff seem mundane. like. idk. IM REALLY IN LOVE with her writing ;;;;; ahdsbfjhbfds please check her out if you can!!!

3. A Wrinkle in Time & its sequels (by Madeleine L’Engle)

this whole series is just..really lovely in its ideas and hopeful and really gave me a huge sense of wonder the first time i read it? and there are some scenes in it that were just so beautifully magical (even though it’s actually sci-fi) and moving that i’ve never forgotten them to this day ;___; even though i first read it when i was 11 lmaO. but really, this is so soso osos o lovely idk if youve ever read it but i hope you have/get to read it some day abfdf

4. The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

jhasgfjhs kate dicamillo is another of my all time favourite writers, i grew up hunting library shelves for her name lmao her writing is just..really beautiful in its ideology and style? there’s something very pure and innocent and whimsical and so so poetic about the things she writes and the way she tells stories, i always tend to read her stuff in one sitting bc it’s just so hard to stop ;;; i love her work so so much 

5. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

i actually…can’t remember the exact story of this anymore BUT I DO remember that when i read it, i was completely blown away by the power of the writing style? bradbury’s writing is just…really distinctive in a heavier kind of way? like it’s poetic but kind of grips you around the heart idK im not sure how to explain it. i’m always stunned at the way he chooses his words and crafted his world in this book ajhsfbjd i love it sooo much ;;; i want to reread soon sdhfds

6. The Monstrumologist series (by Rick Yancey)

THIS ONE IS SO UNDERRATED i love it omg..it’s more gory and dark than most the things ive mentioned but the gore never feels like..needless? idk. i just love it so much and the kinds of ideas like the blurring of lines between man and monster, as well as the changing relationships of growing up - the book series just handles that so so well and with a really exciting gripping plot too ahdgsd i love it i love iiit. my fav book in the series is probably the lsle of Blood; there’s a line in there about a plate that haunTS ME ALWAYS 

7. Skellig and Kit’s Wilderness by David Almond

david almond is another writer i grew up reading ahhHH it’s honestly been too long for me to exactly remember what i loved about these 2 books - BUT I LOVE THEM

8. The Seas by Samantha Hunt

i actually am reading this book literally right now, so i havent reached the ending and im not sure if ill still love it as much as i currently do by that point, but so far i definitely am loving it SO much!! the writing and metaphors and characterisation are so damn beautiful and interesting and the writer has a lovely flow and really fresh way of arranging words and delivering ideas ;; it’s just really prettily and freshly and creatively written ;A; plus, i have this…Thing for the ocean so i love that a central part of this book is about the sea ahhH 

9. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami 

I WISH I HAD MORE HARUKI MURAKAMI THINGS TO TALK ABOUT but this is the only of his books ive found so far - and I LOVE IT TO DEATH. i actually read norwegian wood and the particular sadness of lemon cake in the time period when i wrote my latest fic (thought you knew) and they really ;;; damn, a double whammy of inspiration omfg. norwegian wood is just…really really interesting and deep and real without being too heavy-hearted in the way it talks about things like relationships, devotion, alienation and loss? idk, it’s just- i love it so so so much, especially the ending paragraph ahhhh

10. Cathedral and A Small, Good Thing (by Raymond Carver)

THESE ARE TECHNICALLY SHORT STORIES, not books. but i just love them so much i have to mention them ;;; i honestly love raymond carver and his way of writing a lot, he just..he says so much with so little? he’s a huge inspiration i look up to like crazy especially when it comes to crafting dialogue ahhh. i also really love his poem Hummingbird!

11. The Devotion of Suspect X by Keigo Higashino

idek where to start with this one..THE PLOT IS JUST. FUCKING BRILLIANT and it’s a really interesting take on the idea of devotion, especially devotion to..um..unhealthy kinds of levels? idk. it’s just….so well thought through and super cool i was Mind Blown™ when i read it kasjndskdf

12. Bunker 10 by J.A. Henderson

this is another one in team BLEW MY FUCKIGN MIND ahhh ;; i read it super super long ago but the plot is so so good? it’s the kind that’s a bit confusing at first, but then everything gets revealed and i’m completely shook and eye-opened and want to read it again with the new knowledge, you know what i mean? just- i cant remember what the writing style was like but the PLOT and setting was soo so so cool T—T

and that’s…all i can think of at the moment ajhbfjsdhf IM SORRY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT EXPECT ME TO BE SO EXTRA AS TO GIVE SUCH A LONG ASS REPLY but im just…..very very very passionate and invested in the books i love, ok. im so. akjsfbjhdsf

anyway yeah!! thank you so soso soso SO much for reading my writing and liking it and making the effort to let me know ;;;; im really so happy reading and replying to your message, it means so much to me T-T i hope you have a great great day ilY anon c!!!

[i-amusemyself]

All Lets Get Personal.

Thanks anon!! My depressed ass needed something to do

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

It really depends on my mood tbh. But judging by my YouTube playlists:

Church- Fall out boy; Hopeless Wanderer- Mumford and Sons (its a jam okay?); Summertime- my chemical romance; so cold- ben cocks; this is me- keala settle and killing in the same- rage against the machine

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Lmao idk I dont have much of an interest in anyone atm. I still think itd be cool to meet kaitlyn alexander ig

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

You recognise each other the moment your eyes meet. It’s a question and answer book and the question is about soulmates or something

4: What do you think about most?

What it is I need to do to stop feeling anxious or stressed since it’s a daily battle

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“it was hillarious but I couldn’t say “lmao I’ve seen women take bigger” so I just let the conversation die but I was urging to show him a savage video and ruin him just to be right but then I stopped myself”

Yes, it is as bad in context as out of it.

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Depends how warm it is tbh

What’s your strangest talent?

Talent? What’s that?? Idk I’m quite good at picking up languages super fast for some unknown reason (but i can forget them just as quick soo

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are hot hot hot they make me gay

Boys are hot hot hot they make me gay

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Nah, but I’m not major sad about it since that’d be so awkward

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Oh gosh um probably in the car the other day, canny remember which song it was tho

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I seriously hate water like to the point I chose my uni based on where the lakes were. I also hate stuffed toys with voice boxes. 

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Probably but I don’t remember

13: What’s your religion?

I’m an athiest

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking between indoor places

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind it! I’m not photogenic

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Ummmmmmm idk. I genuinly don’t know. I probably listen to five finger death punch most atm?

17: What was the last lie you told?

I said I was feeling good lmao

18: Do you believe in karma?

I don’t know, but I like to hope it does to make myself feel better 

19: What does your URL mean?

I think it’s pretty self explanatory

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness? Probably my low opinion of myself or my associated jealousy.

My greatest strength? A few years ago I mightve said my resilience but I’m not sure I ever have that anymore. Idk, maybe my need to always keep improving as a person

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

See number 2 tbh

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yah every time I have a bath

23: How do you vent your anger?

I send massive long rant paragraphs to my closest friends and try not to do anything stupid or unhealthy

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I have a pretty big collection of reaction images and memes

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I hate both but video chatting is slightly better

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I suppose. I’m closer to being happy with them than I ever have been and that’s what matters.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

At this point I hate the sound of my alarm more than most things and I love... idk music. Does that count?

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I’d stood up for myself more?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I don’t know as I believe in ghosts but I’m fascinated by the people who do. As for aliens ofc they exist.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

I touch sofa. Both times. I’m sat on a sofa.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

I smell rabbit since he’s currently sat with me in a box. I got lonely.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Gosh I don’t know. I can’t really think of anywhere I’ve hated being, besides home sometimes. I don’t know, no where has been that bad since I always try to make the best of it.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Opposite eh? Lmaoooo

Okay I actually have quite a thing for the lead singer of motionless in white. Make of that what you will.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To be happy, to go good and to die with as few regrets as possible

36: Define Art.

Fuck. Something visual this is made to be aesthetically pleasing or convey a message. I guess.

37: Do you believe in luck?

I’m not entirely sure what luck is. Maybe?

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Fekkin horrible, you wouldn’t know it’s spring. It’s grey and wet and windy and cold.

39: What time is it?

17:51

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I have a full license but haven’t actually driven since my test, so I haven’t had a chance to crash.

41: What was the last book you read?

When breath becomes air. It’s about being a doctor.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

I adore it yaas

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Char, (wholemeal) chorlo and Thot lmao

44: What was the last film you saw?

Love, Simon

Go see it, it’s gay and beautiful!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Idk, I broke my humorous after dislocating my elbow once. But that was ages ago

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Hundreds lmao thats my childhood right there

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

I’m too depressed to have much of an interest in anything tbh. Even when I’m not I don’t tend to get That Invested.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Bisexual, ig. Though saying it never feels right for some reason.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

A few, a few. One being that I was a lesbian years before even I knew I wasn’t straight. 

50: Do you believe in magic?

Not really but who knows

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

The threshold for grudges is pretty high but if I have one I’ll be bitter til the day I die

52: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I swing wildly between saving loads and spending loads. Healthy.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Um I mean I paid the deposit on a house, does that count?

55: Love or lust?

Love, for sure

56: In a relationship?

Yeah XD

57: How many relationships have you had?

This is like my third proper one

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

At home on my tod again, revising

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Nah

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Yuup

62: What’s your favourite animal?

I love all the animals I can’t pick a favourite. I love alpacas, chimps, gorrillas, orangutans, lizards, elephants, octopuses etc etc

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Excessive praying and reblogging lucky posts

64: Where is your best friend?

Tbh I have multiple, one in the next village, one 6 hours south and one 4000 miles away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

Christ um, people I spam with likes most are probably @oneshappyplace @apricot-el @only-slightly-dangerous @succeeding and @setheverman

66: What is your heritage?

I’m white as a toilet so my family probably murdered a lot of innocent people

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Umm I was skyping my boyf and playing a game online with him

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Trump

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Yeah, haven’t most people?

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I like to think so yeah. Though I do have a lot of breakdowns so maybe without that part. @ my friends I apologise

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Help the dog. Though realistically I probably couldn’t do it alone, so would call someone over to help and leave asap to not be so late.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I think I’d tell the people closest to me, yeah. I don’t know what I’d do though. Probably book as many flights as possible and visit all the countries I’ve always wanted to go to. I guess I’d probably write my will and organise a funeral too. I don’t think I’d be too afraid, just, idk, sad? I don’t want to disappear to nothingness yet, even if I won’t know when it happens.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Argh that’s horrid. I mean trust is essential for all relationships imo. But if I had no love at all in my life I doubt I’d live very long at all. So... love? No wait,,, trust. Yeah trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men. It reminds me of a school trip years ago to Belgium that was such a good time

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

8008

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Well, trust ig, being able to talk about anything, a good balance of affection and roasting. Idk

77: How can I win your heart?

Be kind, be funny and have layers.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

I suppose so 

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

The decision to reply to the message that appeared in my inbox right before I was going to end it. There were plenty, but I only opened that one. The person who sent it changed my life.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Either a pun or something ominous. Maybe both.

82: What is your favourite word?

Probably sorry since I say it a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Love, followed quickly by the mental image of a dissected heart

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I amuse myself. Gotta keep up that brand sponning.

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Don’t feel like dancing by the scissor sisters lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Black, red and purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

Just a galaxy

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Donald. Trump. When in close proximity to Mike Pence too.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Besides “what are your credit card details”? Idk, perhaps a question about the flaws of the people closest to me, since they’re something I wouldn’t want them to read.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Lie there still for a good 5 minutes just to make sure. Maybe chuck a pillow across the room to see if they attack it. Then go fetch my phone and call whoever will pick up to ask wtf to do.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

The ability to fly probably. It’d help stop me being late and transport is so expensive these days.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

A half hour period of the time me and my friend spent outside laughing our heads off and covered in glitter when I visited her in the states last summer

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Damn, only one? Lmao catch me ranking my traumas to try to answer this question. I’ll erase getting flooded and being made homeless I think lmao

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Probably P!nk since she was low key my gay awakening

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

I quite fancy going to amsterdam rn, or failing that, copenhagen

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Only as a little kid

98: Ever been on a plane?

Plenty of times yeah, I love it

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

I wish there was some way I could convince all the dictators, extremists and right wingers to just fekkin stop tbh. Centrists can stay but theyre on thin ice.