#lmao and will just ignored mike trying to be funny

[b0ytr4sh]

byler are so cringe4cringe like will byers painted fanart of his friends dnd personas, slapped a heart on mikes shield and then gave the painting to him in a dirty pizza van.

and then mike wheeler came to the airport in the goofiest outfit you have ever seen with his dogs out for everyone to see. not to mention "i asked for vomit green and they gave me vomit green, isnt that cool!!" like bro 💀💀.

they're both the cringiest losers ever /affectionate

[louloulemons-posts]

I don't know if your requests are open, if not ignore this! But what about Eddie asking reader out at school, but his friends are laughing not so far away so they think it's a joke. They get really upset cause they liked Eddie and it ends up fluffy at the end!

Different Kind Of Chemistry

Eddie X Fem!Reader

Summary : Eddie asks reader out, but it doesn’t go as he planned.

Word Count : 1k

Warnings : Not proofread, 3am writing (again - i’m sorry), toothrotting fluff, minor angst, petnames, miscommunication, stupid teenage boys lmao, minor sad reader, cute mom, supportive hellfire besties.

A/N : Guys we hit 400 followers! Thank you all so much for the love and support it means so much to me, I can never thank you enough 🤍

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

You’d always been the quieter type, keeping to a small and close group of friends. You weren’t cruel to others though, always kind. It made you known, but never popular. People liked you it was that simple.

You had your faults, you didn’t actively make friends, they had to come to you. That was your shyness taking over at times. The newest person trying to break through that was Eddie Munson.

Sitting down in your seat, you pull out your textbook and notes. “Hey Sweetheart,” a voice spoke, you looked up to meet a pair of brown eyes. “Hi Eddie, how are you?”

“Great, but how couldn’t I be? I get to sit next to the most beautiful girl for a whole hour!” he grinned, sliding into his own seat next to you. Rolling your eyes you couldn’t speak again as your teacher stood.

“Settle down, we’re doing some recapping on Organic Chemistry today. Chapter 15,” she said to you, turning to the board behind her to write some things.

Flicking open your book and notes, Eddie spoke again, “Hey Sweetheart.” You slid the book in between you, “Need a pen?”

He nodded and took the one from your hand, “You’re really my favourite person ever.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say Munson.”

You couldn’t help but feel your cheeks warm.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Swapping some books between your locker, you shut it behind you and headed out of the school. “Sweetheart!” a voice called from behind you.

Pausing in your place, you turned to find Eddie jogging towards you. “Hey,” he said, once he was in front of you. “Hi, what’s up?” you asked.

“Oh … I um, I wanted to ask you something, if you have a minute?” he spoke. You heard some voices from behind him, his Hellfire friends.

“Yeah go for it,” you smiled, trying to focus on him. You could hear his friends whispering and sniggering from across the hall. “I was just wondering if maybe, and feel free to say no, if maybe you’d want to go on a date some time?”

“Go on Eds!” One of the boys spoke from behind him, making the others cackle. Eddie waved his hand as to shush them, but was unable to hide his own smile.

How could they be so mean? This was something you’d imagine Jason Carver and his friends did, not Eddie.

“Why are you being so cruel?” you asked.

“Sweetheart wha-” you didn’t let him finish. “You think it’s funny? To ask girls out? Embarrass them? I thought we were friends,” you scolded him, eyes watering.

“No, no you’ve got the wrong idea,” he tried to explained, but you were gone. Turning around and pushing through the door. “Shit,” he said to himself.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

“Woah man what happened?” Gareth asked. “I just blew my only chance with her,” Eddie spoke, rubbing his face with his palm.

“What do you mean?” Jeff questioned.

“She thought I was kidding.”

“We didn’t mean to make it come across that way man,” Gareth spoke.

“I know, but she didn’t. God, I messed up.”

Dustin tried to comfort him next, “Don’t worry man, we’ll fix this!”

“How?”

“Romantic gesture?”

“Oh yeah cause all of us have so much romantic knowledge.”

“Hey me and Mike have girlfriends!”

“She’s not like them,” Eddie wined.

“We’ll fix this man, let’s make plan,” Jeff offered, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Lay on your bed you sighed for the millionth time in the past minute. How could he be so cruel to you? What was the point of being your friend? Was it a bet?

You sat up, suddenly furious, were you a bet? How much were you worth? $15? $10? $1? You screamed in frustration.

“Honey! There’s someone here for you!”

“Coming!” You sighed, pushing yourself up off the bed and stomping your way out of your room.

“Have fun,” your mom said winking at you, walking past. You scrunched your brows in confusion, who could be here? Pulling the door open you were surprised who was stood there.

“Hi Sweetheart-“ you grabbed his hand and dragged him away from door. Stopping in front of his van, you inhaled deeply, “I pulled you away from the door because I don’t want my mom to see me mad.”

You inhaled again and then snapped, “What are you doing here? Embarrassing me in front of your friends isn’t enough?”

“Hey, first of all I’m sorry okay, but I’d love to explain if you’d let me.”

You hummed, nodding your head stiffly. “These are for you,” he said, handing you a bouquet. “Tulips,” you said softly.

“You said about them being your favourites, since you went to Amsterdam.” It’d been a passing comment, your Chem teacher had had a bouquet on her desk.

“You remembered?”

“I remember a lot of things you say. Anyways, I’m really sorry about my friends they were just teasing me. They didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Right.”

“They know how much I like you and have not let me live down how much I’ve been pining over you.”

“I see.”

“Yeah, they walk me to Chem when they can, just so they can tease me from the door.”

“Oh,” you said gently.

“I’m really sorry we embarrassed you, we’re idiots. But I really hope I haven’t messed up completely, Sweetheart would you maybe considering going out on a date with me?”

“I’d love to.”

“I get if you don’t want to- What?”

“I’d really love to go on a date with you Eddie.”

He couldn’t contain his grin, which you matched. “Cool,” he said.

“Cool.”

“Well um … I’ll call you about it.”

“Great,” you said, standing on your tiptoes, pressing your lips to his cheek.

“Goodnight Eddie.”

“N-night Sweetheart.” You walked up your path and to the door, turning round you waved to him. He raised his own hand, seeming a bit stunned.

“So, he’s cute,” your mom said.

“Mom! Were you snooping?”

“Me? No! Pretty flowers honey,” she kissed your forehead and walked away smiling.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

A/N : Thank you for requesting! I hope you enjoyed it 🤍

Also I had another request and have had to leave it, I don’t really feel qualified to write about topics (eg SA) as I don’t feel like I have enough understanding and experience with it to write about it in a sensitive and proper way.

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any requests 🤍

[puckpocketed]

What do you think of the Goodrow trade? How does this factor into the Sharks' future plans, and who do you think he'll play with next season?

yay for the fans who liked him and are glad to see him back here. I'm happy that they're happy! I didn't know him whilst he was a Shark, I hope he grows on me like a barnacle <3

I don't think about lines enough to speculate confidently on what this means for the Sharks in the future, so I can't really answer that part of your ask, sorry!

my unserious answer is i hope one of our prospects gets stapled to him goonwag-style - maybe the plan here was to give kunin to macklin and goodrow to smith? giggling. our beautiful leg weights <3

okay okay time to break character <3 sorry i DO have a Serious take on this one. Per this article (and serveral others) there are reports that Goodrow isn't happy because the Sharks were on his no-trade list. We are not a contender, we aren’t even looking to be one for a hot minute, he wants to keep playing and winning cups, so that makes sense! I don’t know if you made a mistake using the phrase ‘trade’ but… it might not be far from the truth. The going sentiment, per the same linked article, is that there was a quid pro quo situation between Mike Grier and Chris Drury that the Sharks would pick Goodrow up off waivers. This is unconfirmed by official sources. All we have here is looking to the future for any transactions between the two in the wake of this trade. If there was some under the table handshake situation going on... I don't like it at all.

The rest of this answer is going off the assumption that what is being said in that article is true.

The spirit of a no-trade list, of signing any contract, is the reasonable expectation that your wishes will be respected. Players have waived their clauses in the past, but that's on them. To have two GMs collude to basically trade a player to a team they did not want to go to is scummy as HELL, and to me it is a worker's rights issue. If my boss and I agreed to terms on a contract, I would be pissed off if they found some legal loophole around it, and I would feel screwed over. If I found out my new employer was a part of that? I wouldn't feel too good about those guys either.

I have and will make jokes about Goodrow trying to escape. they're funny! but in the end I don't think it's good for the culture to have someone here who possibly doesn't want to be here and isn't committed to the team due to resentment. someone who isn't committed because there are no playoffs aspirations. I'm not saying he would actually behave this way, I don't know him! I'm sure he's a good fella in the end. but I think leaving that up to chance by circumventing the terms of his contract is a stupid move. and skeevy. did I mention skeevy?

More broadly, contracts need to mean something. If two GMs can just shake hands in some backroom deal and ignore the player's explicit wishes about where they want to play, what's the fucking point in signing ANY ntc/nmc? where's the certainty then, if this loophole is open? whats the vibe here? has this happened in the past? will it happen again? I hope the CBA addresses this whenever it's time to negotiate again. and I super don't care about the whole "life isn't fair, players get exploited all the time, shady dealings happen all the time" angle, I don't want devil's advocates answers - my point is that it shouldn't happen, it's wrong, and I hope the player's union they got going on fights to make sure it doesn't happen again.

in a less structured conclusion..,,, the narratives are funny BUT i do be living in the real world lmao!! fuck all bosses forever fuck all gms forever yes even the 'good' ones!! all bosses are bastards and their interests will often run counter to the interests of the worker !!!! players are people with families and long-term plans of their own and presumably when they sign contracts they plan around those contracts accordingly assuming the terms will be honoured!!!!!!!!! their kids and spouses are also people whose education/careers/relationships will all be affected by trades !!!! players are NOT simply assets !!! nor are they simply characters in stories!! i do lean in to the narratives but again this is the REAL WORLD and a worker is being screwed by a boss and thats bullshit .

thank you for listening and im sorry if this wasn't the type of answer you were looking for </3

[spicybylerpolls]

giggling at 'would finn and noah practice kissing off set' anon.

i have wondered about this, less for fantasy's sake and more because i have intern experience on film sets and know how odd simulated sex scenes can be. but i've never worked with an intimacy co-ord, and i really wish i knew what that process was like. apparently it includes filling out forms literally naming which body parts you are comfortable with your scene partner touching, with which parts of THEIR body. film regulation means no genitals are allowed to touch each other, but im sure this rule was ignored in the olden days/depending on the director (no way can i see this happening on ST tho. it's got too high a profile and lets face it, the duffers arent exactly avant garde auteurs who push the boundaries of cinema.)

im fascinated by this discussion because theres really no way to know what a sex scene might be like until we see s5. sometimes the duffs knock it out the park with originality and vibes (s1, the van scene) and sometimes they're lazy and cheesy as hell (jopper's kiss? arms everywhere, terrible angles and lighting).

but anon's q is most interesting because of finn's anxiety. i am not even a huge st fan before s4, but even i noticed this in his body language. its also apparent in-show if you know what to look for - his little ticks even in s1.

so with a love scene, it's gonna be nerve-racking as hell. i love what prev anon said about him knowing noah well. hopefully that would help them in a hypothetical love scene. they'll have had meetings and discussions with the directors and intimacy co-ord. it'll be awkward but funny, and if theyre passionate about the scene, it could be fantastic. noah esp seems very invested in this storyline. this could calm finn and make him less self conscious.

i think to practice actual kissing off set could spark a lot of press if anyone found out, and it would also say a lot about the actors as people, esp because noah is out. theyre not really old enough yet to reallyyyyy know who they are, so that would probably cause some confusion. (sorry minors reading who think 21+ people have it all figured out, lol. especially artists/people in showbiz, theyre a mess lol)

that said, if they were super comfy with each other, trying special techniques to break the ice, or rehearsing officially (testing for lighting/camera etc on set), they may well kiss as practice. i just can't see this happening in someone's trailer or something. i mean, that's a great fic idea if you're into finn x noah. but scenes like these can really get under an actor's skin, even experienced ones. it all depends on their mental health and boundaries.

i will say that they would doubtless spend a lot of time blocking the scene, meaning getting in position for technical/camera reasons to make sure nudity is kept to the agreed rules. if scenes like this happen in s5, by the end of shooting, finn and noah will probably be closer than ever and well-acquainted with each other's bodies and selves. its very intimate, but when youre acting with someone you really understand and connect with, your job feels magic - it's amazing. its art.

great question anon! and sorry to burst anyones bubble who just wanted to imagine finn and noah getting it on in someone's trailer and it somehow ending up on noah's tik tok lmao

'guess he's more like mike than i thought'

very interesting points!

[ladyseidr]

some light-hearted and/or silly headcanons for the fn.af muses!! ( crossed out because some kept getting sad or dark sorry LMAO )

is a big fan of snow. his family used to travel to the mountains regularly ( i swear this headcanon isn't getting any sadder than that. ) obv it's a lot less likely to snow in hurricane, but y'know. if it ever did? oh boy. it's definitely a very bad idea to let him out into it ( melting water getting into his circuitry and all that ), but he will ask. more than once. insistently. catch him standing in front of the windows just staring outside

absolutely does have a british accent despite it making so little sense ( born in utah to a very english father, a french american mother with an indecipherable accent, and surrounded by americans. it's funny to me. ) he tried to lose the accent post-william going missing. it lasted a singular attempt in public. he just can't fake accents. he will reply to any questions about where in england he's from with a deadpan "utah" however, and yes he does find that kinda funny

genuinely actually like so good with kids. not just the big performing and playing, but she's very good with the emotional side of things. she's hung out with kids who were left alone or had been bullied more than once. she generally gets very attached to individuals who spend time with her and remembers things like names and birthdays completely organically ( as in, susie remembers them herself ) on the flip side, she doesn't take it well when an older child stops coming to the pizzeria or a family moves away. in many ways, she sees herself like those children she tries to help—rejected and alone, save for the band

completely oblivious to the animatronics becoming haunted until it's near impossible to ignore. definitely thinks their coding is just fucked up at first. he only really decides even that when he's working late one night, looks up, and sees bonnie just standing in the half-open door. staring. he doesn't recognize the actual hauntings for years. at first because he simply doesn't believe in ghosts, and, later, because he's in denial. either way, the animatronics speaking to him in strangely human ways will always send shivers up his spine

aunt who lets her niece and nephews get away with literally anything. william is like "please don't let them have too many sweets while i'm gone" and she's like "yeah no of course" and then the door shuts and she turns to them and is like "so let's go out for ice cream" in all seriousness, jayne dotes because she knows shit's been hard ( the divorce, and then later the loss of CC and elizabeth ). she can and will try to dote on mike even when he's a teen/adult because she really does sympathize. ( mini bonus william hc: he absolutely knows this goes on, but jayne just generally gets a free pass from him on most things LMAO )

he really does just have the time of his life when he first becomes sentient. like, he's not really fully aware during The Horrors, and he genuinely loves performing. unironically views william as his perfect, amazing creator until he does realize. spring is never dangerous in the way the others are—he's not haunted, not really. still, he wanders at night, even when he's long, loooong out of use. he talks with far too much self-awareness to night guards and other staff. he begins to glitch out generally, but he's usually only dangerous toward one person: william.

[destinyc1020]

Lmao notice the two male friends you mentions are Darnell her gay assistant who some fans on this app I’ve seen literally talk so bad about him and how he’s leeching off Z and need to find something to do other then following her around and Kamil a guy who played her brother so of course no one is going to ship those two with her like those are terrible examples. Again timdayas who don’t even call themselves that don’t even shio her with Tim just literally think they act so similar and are the male/female version of the other. It’s funny how that really bothers some of you Tomdayas. Like idk what to tell you Tim and z are love interest it’s natural for people to ship characters and weirdly do it with the actual actors in real life but actual Timmy and z Stan’s are not shipping them together it’s randoms and twitter Tom stans that want to paint Z out to be some type of hoe and Durk reasons as to why Tom can do better and should leave her.

Lmao notice the two male friends you mentions are Darnell her gay assistant who some fans on this app I’ve seen literally talk so bad about him and how he’s leeching off Z and need to find something to do other then following her around and Kamil a guy who played her brother so of course no one is going to ship those two with her like those are terrible examples.

But wait...according to YOUR logic, why WOULDN'T they ship these "friendships" with her when they are actually her friends? 🤔

You're basically talking yourself in circles Anon..... If you only ship Timmy and Z's "friendship" (like you so claim), then by your logic, why wouldn't people also ship her and Kamil, and her and Darnell? They ARE actual besties! 😏

Like idk what to tell you Tim and z are love interest it’s natural for people to ship characters and weirdly do it with the actual actors in real life

Literally NOBODY has an issue with Z having a love interest in films Anon.😒 NOBODY. Z has had Hunter as a love interest, JDW as a love interest, Josh and Mike (upcoming) as love interests, etc.... Like, the list goes on and on. Nobody has an issue with them. 🤷🏾‍♀️

People only have an issue with those who try to force a "romantic" shipping on Z with co-stars that she's not actually romantically involved with. Got it? Why do you think people have an issue with you Timdaya shippers??

THINK about it for a second.

Also, while it may be common to ship characters who play love interests together, it is NOT respectful (imo) to ship two actors irl with each other who are NOT both single. ESPECIALLY when it is a known fact that one (or even BOTH!) actors are in long-term, serious relationships with other people. It's just weird and gross when fans do stuff like that. 🥴

It not only disrespects that actor, but also their significant other imo. It also makes things WEIRD for the two actors who are just trying to work together and do their jobs (which, we're already seeing at times with Timmy and Z) because most of the time, they really are JUST FRIENDS, but fans push this "other" strange romantic angle on to them, and it makes their interactions weird. 🥴

Btw... you completely ignored and glossed over the fact that SOME Tomdaya fans just don't like Timmy because his fans can be insufferable, and always have to drag Tom (and even other actors) for every single little thing. But you casually chose to leave that part out I see... 🙄

but actual Timmy and z Stan’s are not shipping them together

But some of them DO Anon. That's my point. Plus, what does it matter WHICH group is doing it?? The point is, there are Timdayas that ship them together and it's RUDE and disrespectful PERIODT.

Again timdayas who don’t even call themselves that don’t even shio her with Tim just literally think they act so similar and are the male/female version of the other. It’s funny how that really bothers some of you Tomdayas.

Hun... you totally BLEW your cover with THIS ☝🏾 statement. 😏 Maybe I should ask YOU: Why does Zendaya being in a loving, long-term, happy relationship with Tom Holland bother YOU so much?? You're obviously NOT a "Tomdaya" fan.

Gee...I wonder why you'd rather ship Z and her barely-seen "friendship" with Timmy, than Zendaya with her ACTUAL BOYFRIEND Tom Holland? 🤔

Oh wait... Don't answer that....

We already know the answer girl.... 🙄

[smoosnoom]

MOON

what the actual fuck 😭😭😭😭😭 i was shaking for the entire day i was so so excited that i almost took a day off. i wasn’t expecting this for sure 😭😭😭 (im fine btw. don’t worry about me)

im so excited every time u post And this one is for me 🥺🥺🥺? and u said the nicest words about me in the notes? how did i deserve u?

“insists he wake up earlier than anyone should during summer” ok ok ok Listen. we established that we have different opinions on mornings but Listen. wake up early Especially in the summer (especially if u don’t have to clean up) is it’s own kind of magic. everything around is quite and nobody’s disturbing u cause they’re asleep and if u turn on cartoons it feels like ur child again. mornings r for chilling and evenings r for walks. but it’s not for ur sleeping schedule

“He shows El new songs and she likes most of them” byers-hoppers all being classic rock fans is so special for me ♥️

“Not in a – weird way.” and “His hands get tingly, and it’s weird” being separated by two sentences is my fave thing Ever 😭

“wearing a floral Hawaiian shirt.” hopper’s s3 fit was the best i agree!

“Okay. Well. He didn’t mean to think that, at all. He doesn’t know where that came from.” 😭😭😭😭😭 OMG mike avoided his queer thoughts for so long and they hit him the second he saw broad mans chest 😭😭😭

“and he sits up a little straighter” did he correct his posture? 😭 cause if he did when i have a chance!!

“Make goo-goo eyes at Jonathan, probably. Yikes” like he didn’t do the same thing with will like a second ago

“Nancy is the most sensible of your family” i mean el is not wrong!!

“with El discreetly levitating cucumber slices into her mouth” idk i think that would be funny if ted was steel clueless about supernatural things and just didn’t even notice flying vegetables

can’t believe im siding with dustin again 😭 i mean there’s nothing wrong with tan but every time i tried to get one i got weird spots instead of smooth texture. so sunscreen is my best friend (plus it’s cancer protection)

“Shoulders” SHOULDERS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 one if my favorite parts if the fic actually. mike is so so h-word (can i say horny or we’re not accepting that teens feel sexual attraction yet?) And BUFF BYERS 🥳🥳🥳🥳

“He’s trying not to think too hard about him being shirtless, sitting next to Will, who is also shirtless” omg 😭😭😭😭

“The okayest” THE OKAYEST 😭😭😭 my favorite loser

“wet hair and sun haloed behind him” u always make will looks angelic in mikes eyes. as u should

“and this is probably just those few, childish urges that he’s been having and trying to ignore since forever coming back to haunt him again.” of course mike. u just miss ur childhood and nothing more

“They stare at each other. A bird chirps outside” it’s so funny. like. cartoonish type of humor

“even in the midst of an empty, empty street” AS HE SHOULD!! mike who follow all the driving rules but still sucks is so real for me!

“Mike glues his eyes to the sky, and ignores the bubbling temptation to look over and gauge in Will’s reaction” he’s really The definition of “but ur prettier” hes so gone 😭😭

“Do you know any constellations?” i know just one and it’s ursa major (great bear??? which one do u use?)

THEY ARE SUCH DORKS!! Gunther!! i love them so much 🥹♥️

“shoving a large stuffed platypus between them” i hope the platypus was teal and had a brown fedora (and the fact that perry the platypus’ giving name is bartholomew LMAO)

“Mike fists a hand into the grass.” he could just pretend that grass is will’s hair 😭😭

“A poorly dressed clown appears, and they both jump.” clown! i see what u did!!

“Mike feels like one of the moths that keep flurrying into his home and bumping into the light bulbs” the way this one is perfectly describing That feeling. moon Are U Sure u’ve never been in love? 🤨

“he’s always been indifferent to slushie flavors, but never Will” the sweetest boy 🥺 i bet even if he wasn’t indifferent he’d still swap cause it’s will!

“Mike spends a very, very, very – small amount of time staring at his mouth.” “got my mind on ur body and ur body on my mind”. im sorry. im actually not. mentally added this song to fic playlist (of which we’ll talk later!!)

“everyone is unbearable at thirteen” yeah but not everyone is canoodle at thirteen 😭

“until they’re standing under a downpour of rain and dramatically confessing their love” cause u know that something is starting than it’s raining in byler fics 😭😭😭 ilyyy

“brushing the hair out of his eyes, too, maybe even –“ maybe even What mike?? i wanna hear u 🎤🎤🎤

“Are you high?” THE WAY I LAUGHED. is it… real life situation? it feels like the one 😭

“Mike wouldn’t be surprised if he had a radar for people thinking about making the moves on his younger brother.” he probably is considering how often jon interrupted them in s4 😭

“definitely not thinking incredibly hard about Will and beaches and water and shorts” and tight-fitting surfing swimsuits. definitely

“Mike couldn’t bring himself to disturb Will out of his slumber” oh to fall asleep on someone’s shoulder </3 will’s neck and back must be hurt so bad but it’s worth it

“think, if it makes coming out here together more intentional than it already is” u mean like a date?

“Will lets out a hum. “Anything in particular?”” i loove when will senses something becomes i little bold and makes mike uses his mouth (to talk of course)

“and Will – isn’t like that, not about Mike at least, or he’s pretty sure, except –“ will just got used to his feeling 😭 hes been into mike for so long that butterflies aren’t surprise anymore

and then they kissed under brian and margaret and helga and earl and bartholomew and gunther 🥺🥺🥺i love them so much. and i love u so much ♥️🤍

so playlist. the fact that every song is fitting perfectly into the narrative. u have wonderful musical ear and sense. and i was so happy when i remembered from which playlists those songs come (yeah i listen to ur playlists. especially “brainrot”. this one is one of my favorites).

i’ll be endlessly honored that u gifted this fic to me omg. i still can’t believe it. i love u so much ♥️♥️♥️♥️

can u believe how long its been since u first sent this ask oh my god alya i am so sorry . but ! at least u got an almost 14k fic out !!!!!! im hoping u liked it . by the length of this ask i am thinking Yes

YAYYYY im glad i could surprise u !!!! and i did really . give no heads up idk i wrote half the fic and it was all so summery and nice i was like . alya lovees summer . so this would be perfect for her . so here we r !!!!!

u know what . ill agree with u on this . my favorite summer days were when i was able to wake up beforee the rest of the house and it was all calm and nice <3 and i loveeee cartoons, i always watch atla or adventure time

u get the vision . willel classic rock lovers my beloved

i loveeee hoppers hawaiian shirt i need to see him in that again . so glad u get me

what if i told u i also just straightened my posture after reading that quote . my back is achingo h my god . also he definitely did not mike is doomed to stay in the shape of a pringle for the rest of his life .

mike is nothingi f not a hypocrite <3

i love the idea of clueless ted because that is so real . but inversely i love the idea of him knowing and just . not caring even a little . like that is so funny to me

true it is cancer protection ! also it seems liek U always agree with dustin (insert emoji with raised skeptical eyebrows . i am on my laptop ok there r no emojis here) . anyway i thankfully have never gotten sunburnt so i have no idea what thats like but i wish u luck on any future tanning endeavors !

alya for the sake of my reputation and dignity U are not allowed to say the h-word . also this is unrelated to any discourse but why is the h-word so ugly actually like it just Sounds and Looks weird

will is an angel this is unrelated to mike really thi s is just canon

yes cartoonish type humor !!!! its my favorite type of humor and i loveee using it in fics and stuff :D i hope u also like it

yes we also use ursa major ! i have a bunch of constellations up on my ceiling with glow in the dark stars too <3 the big dipper, hercules, orion, and a few more !!!!!

u better believe i was thinking of perry the entire time i wrote about that playtpus <3 i love love loveeee phineas and ferb

"the way this one is perfectly describing That feeling" u have no idea what this means to me . im adding this to every resume and hanging it up on my wall and tattooing it onot my hands . also no i have never been in love </3 still . i can imagine !

"yeah but not everyone is canoodle at thirteen" HONESTLY it was my least favorite aspect of s3 ohhh my god .

"is it… real life situation? it feels like the one" MAYBE .....

"is it… real life situation? it feels like the one" LITERALLY oh my god . oh my god if i had a nickel for every time he interrupted them istg

they kissed under all the most unconventional and conventional names in the galaxy <3 peak of romance is kissing under margaret and brian and gunther and bartholomew

i hope u know ever since i read this ask the first time and saw u said "brainrot" was ur favorite that has struck me every time i listen to the playlist . i forgot other people can see my playlists oh my god . speaking of I TRIED TO STALK UR SPOTIFY ACC BUT ITS ALL EMPTY <//3 so so sad . but i am so happy u also liked the music !!!! maybe iwas a little nervous whatever .

i love u alya bludnik-a i am very very glad u liked the fic :D summer reincarnate !

[doriandrifting]

I need to tell y’all my niche delusional head canons or I will die. Lmao sorry for the dramatics, but if you’ve seen my post about how the library in Stranger Things has a bunch of references to Voyagers! (a 1982 show about time travelers) and how Mike is 100% based on the main character in that show—you already know I’ve been analyzing the library scenes like a mf.

So one thing that happens the first time we see the library is that the librarian chides Hopper for not calling her back. They’re kind of awkward and Hopper tells her to go look at “Time” (the magazine). It just reminded me of Mike “not calling” Will lmao

Then we get a scene with Dustin, which is funny, but also pointless? Same as with Hopper and this woman having an altercation about a phone call. Basically Dustin is trying to check out too many books and the librarian keeps emphasizing, “No more than five at a time!” And Dustin ignores her and takes off running (and in the process makes a bunch of references to Voyagers!).

To be clear, I’m not delusional enough to think this will happen, but it just sparked a headcanon of a situation where only 5 people in the group will be supposed to be going back in time (Hopper, Joyce, Jonathan, Nancy, and Will). The others are supposed to stay put and make sure everything in the future is working right. Plus Lucas, Erica, and El are with Max so Robin, Steve, Dustin and Mike are supposed to really be the one’s paying attention. Murray’s like also probably there. So 5 people traveling and 5 people staying.

And suddenly Mike is running and Dustin’s yelling, “Five at a time!” But Mike’s ignoring him and jumps in with them because he’s not letting Will go alone. And that’s how we get Mike and Will as a team in the past.

The they’re going back through Season One and Will’s getting to see how Mike acted over him being missing—the bike scene with Mike crying after they found Will’s body (that was cut from Season One), Mike shoving Troy to the ground in his honor, Mike almost jumping off the cliff where he thought Will had died like he was Romeo. (Yeah I got a whole other spiel about how the Romeo references are lowkey about Mike and that scene and how he would’ve been Romeo if Will had come back and realized Mike was gone, but that’s for another day). But basically Will is getting to see that Mike has loved him since the beginning.

Ah to dream.

[thebrokengate]

It’s sad how much that previous anon is trying to convince themselves of mike’s love for el. They probably checked the byler tags, got scared (as they should) and started writing everything they could to get rid of the doubts lol doesn’t seem to be working. Maybe they should go back and watch season 4 scenes of mike and el, and Will in 90% of them. Or maybe season 3 where when faced with the possibility of losing both el and will, he chose to run after will and ask for forgiveness. Or maybe season 2, where he didn’t bother doing anything else to find El besides calling her because he was too worried about Will. Or season 1 where he used her to find Will. They can just ignore Will in all of these if they don’t like it, right?

Yeah. You could be right, but they could also definitely be just some bored Masked Marauders shipper that has nothing better to do with their life than fuck around with Bylers lmao. And it's funny, too. Because, in all those moments you previously mentioned, they could just ignore Will, even when all signs point to how much Mike loves him. They really have a lose/lose situation going on here.

[realcube]

What BNHA Heroes have their s/o saved as in their phone

Class 1A x Reader

+ Aizawa and Shinsou

tw// cussing, cringe smh, lots of love <3��

Class 1A

Yuga Aoyama 

he has you saved as ‘my ✨star✨’

and honestly you love it because he calls you that in real life too 

Mina Ashido 

she has you saved as ‘bubs 💞💓💖💝💘💕’

 the only reason there isn’t more hearts was because of the limit smh

she changes it every few weeks to a new pet name though

also she calls you that irl sometimes

Tsuyu Asui

she has you saved as ‘my flower 🌺’

honestly, the only reason she put you as that rather than your name because of your intense love for flora

every date you take Tsuyu on is always to somewhere with beautiful scenery and an abundance of flowers

Tenya Iida 

he has you saved as ‘beef stew’

he originally had you saved as ‘(Y/N) (L/N)’ 

but you showed him that you had him saved as ‘Honey’ so he wanted to save you under a pet name too

however, he couldn’t really think of one so he asked for you assistance and you told him that most cute pet names come from food

“So, what food do I remind you of, Iida?” 

“Beef stew.” 

Needless to say you both were laughing your asses off for a while after that 

but it’s still cute because beef stew is his favourite food just like you are his favourite person

Ochako Uraraka

she has you saved as ‘(L/N) <3 ’

she wanted to use a heart emoticon but her flip-phone doesn’t let her smh

Also she doesn’t have a pet name for you yet but she is working on it 

like she tried calling you ‘baby girl’ but then you explained to her the sexual undertones to that name so she stopped and she’s been too embarrassed since then to try again 

Mashirao Ojiro

he has you saved as ‘tail boy’s s/o 🤪’

y’all had a whole-ass discussion about this one time lmao

y’all were brainstorming ideas for what you should save each other as in your phones

you didn’t want to have something basic like ‘babe’ or ‘my heart🥰’ but rather something funny and you suggested (jokingly) to save his contact as ‘tail boy’

and rather than being offended like you thought he’d be, you both ended up laughing your asses of together for a solid 5 minutes (at least)

so you saved his contact as that and since he couldn’t come up with a funny nickname in relation to your quirk, he just saved you as ‘tail boy’s s/o🤪’

 Denki Kaminari 

he has you saved as ‘ASH CECHUM 😩😳💦🌚💓🧀'

plz don’t ask about the emojis idek

anyway, he saw that you saved him as ‘Pikachu <3′ which makes sense considering his quirk..

so he took it upon himself to save your contact as - in his own words - “That guy who owns the Pikachu from Pokémon’ 

however, despite the fact he has watched Pokémon before, he had no idea how to spell Ash’s second name and apparently the thought never came him that; ‘hey, maybe I should google it.’

so he just sounded it out 

as for the all caps, contrary to popular belief , he does know how to turn it off

he just chooses not to for the aesthetic and also it takes a lot of effort 

that is why he doesn’t use proper punctuation either 

Eijiro Kirishima

he has you saved as ‘love bug’

honestly, you’re not too sure of when or why he changed your contact name after y’all started dating but..

you thought it was cute but..a bit cringe

obviously you didn’t say anything about it though, you weren’t trying to be mean to your boyfriend for no reason

it’s not like he called you that irl

however, he’d be out of his mind if he thought you were gonna save him as something like that 

the best he’ll get from you is ‘Kiri babe 🤘' (get it? bc...rock!)

Kouji Koda 

he has you saved as ‘love bug’

ASKJFCWB YOU THINK IT IS OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD ADORABLE OML

like it makes sense because he like talks to insects and stuff and you’re his lil love bug cause you are his lover and stuff hhhhh

also because of the size difference between you and him, i mean, you are basically the size of an insect compared to him 

in short, Koda supremacy  🙇‍♀️🙇‍♂️

Rikidou Satou

he has you saved as ‘sugar pie’ 

honestly, poor man

he was completely clueless when you asked him to save you as something cute 

like, he know what you meant...but he had no idea what to go for 

so you chose for him 👍

and you made a pretty good decision tbh I mean, it’s cute! it relates to his quirk and all

and he has started to call you that irl sometimes and it always makes your heart go brrrrrrr

Mezou Shouji 

he has you saved as ‘hunk’ 

ok, i know i said Satou was a poor man but let me just say

THIS POOR MAN 

you told him it’d be cute if you both saved each other as cute pet names in your phones and dead ass him response ‘you’re not my pet though..’

AAAAAAAAAAA

so after a lot of explaining, as an example you whipped out your own phone and showed him how you had saved him as ‘hunk’ 

...he really went and just copied you

you thought that was so funny and precious though so you didn’t ask him to change it

Kyouka Jirou 

she has you saved as ‘my melody 🎶’

ok, so it started when she noticed that you use the same pen everyday - a My Melody one

she thought that was so fucking adorable and she kinda started teasing you for it; not that you minded though

she also thought it was so cute when you’d get all flustered 

so one day she just decided to change your contact name to that 

it also kinda tied in with her love for music (but mostly her love for you uwu)

Hanta Sero

he has you saved as ‘my honey nutter butter biscuit’

after Kirishima called his s/o ‘love bug’ infront of y’all that one time, you both spent the next hour taking the piss and laughing at how over-the-top couple nicknames are sometimes 

so just #for the meme he saved your contact as a hyperbole of what those cringe couple pet names are like

oh and you have him saved as ‘My beloved sweet peach taco’

Fumikage Tokoyami

he has you saved as ‘Helena’

yeah, he wanted to be edgy and save your contact after a MCR song

(no, he does not know that Helena is about Gerard’s grandmother but don’t you dare tell him)

Shoto Todoroki

he has you saved as ‘(Y/N) (L/N) 💖’

you texted him something during lunch one time to see his reaction while you were sitting next to him but then you noticed that your name in his phone was simply ‘(Y/N) (L/N)’

you mentioned it briefly but you didn’t make a fuss out of it because it really wasn’t a big deal

however, he asked to see what his name in your phone was and you showed him

you had saved him as ‘Babey ( •̀ ω •́ )✧’

he went home and did some research on some good pet names to save you as in his phone

after that, his search history kinda looked like;

‘pet names’

‘pet names for humans’

‘pet names for lovers’

‘cute nicknames for my girlfriend’

‘cute emoticons’

he deadass came in the next day and the first thing he did was pull out his phone and show you the emoji he put next to your name

“Look, (L/N). I found this emoticon and put it next to your contact name in my phone.”

yes, he sound like boomer..obvs

he spends 90% of his free time training rather than on his phone 

and the time that he is on his phone, he isn’t using emojis, he is searching shit like 

‘how to hack into a credit card without the PIN’

Tooru Hagakure

she saves you as ‘❤😘’

no, she doesn’t need to save you as your name to remember who you are 

she’s not a peasant

Katsuki Bakugo

he has you saved as ‘pretty stupid face’

originally it was just ‘stupid face’

but you noticed it and just dropped a subtle comment like “hey, that’s mean.”

so he came in the next day with ‘pretty’ added to the start

“i am genuinely too nice to you sometimes.” he’d say

“THE STUPID FACE PART IS STILL THERE”

“I KNOW BUT I ADDED PRETTY TO THE START!!”

“Wow, tch, such I gentleman-”

“I know-HEY WAIT WAS THAT SARCASM?!”

Izuku Midoriya 

he has you saved as ‘sweetest love muffin’

you that one couple i mentioned in Sero’s headcanons?

yeah, that’s y’all

you are both literally that couple

“No, you hang up.”

“No, you hang up!”

“Nooo, cause I’ll miss you”

“I’ll miss you moreeee”

he literally threw a bunch of his favourite adjectives into a pet name lol

also your contact name for him is something on a similar wavelength

Minoru Mineta

I know most y’all would’ve even give him your number lol

but for those who would 🤮

he has you saved as ‘sweet cheeks’ or sumn 

Momo Yaoyorozu

she has you saved as ‘My McMuffin’

HOL UP LET ME EXPLAIN

ok so she let you take her to McDonald’s cause you wanted to see her reaction since she is used to gourmet cuisine or whatever

so it was sure to be entertaining 

and it was 

but not in a good way

she was almost sick after she had a bite of a big mac and then she tried to wash it down with the Sprite but then she fainted for like a solid 10 seconds

once she came back, she obviously wanted to leave..so you did 

A year later, y’all are in the town and both of you are starving 

But Momo realised that she didn’t have her card on her or any money but that was fine because at least you had your debit card on you 

You had enough money on it for a taxi back to Momos place and a McMuffin each

Obviously she didn’t want one but when you started eating in front of her, of course she wanted a taste

and so it was love at first bite

she loved it so much so of course you bought another one for her and she consumed it in a millisecond (not literally)

so now she has your contact saved as the one thing competing against you for her love - a McMuffin

Shota Aizawa

unfortunately he does not have your contact saved as ‘kitten’

instead, in his phone you are saved as ‘The One  💙’

simple, yet it effectively shows his admiration - just the way he likes it

 and he only added the emoji to make your name stand out more so he could easily tell whether he was gonna ignore the following message or not

because if Mike is texting him telling his that he needs the extremely important documents that Aizawa keeps in his coded filing cabinet, Shota will be like -.-

but if you text him asking for him to pick up chocolate on his way home, he’ll be like 🏃‍♂️

Hitoshi Shinso 

he has you saved as ‘big daddy’

plz don’t ask 

it’s an inside joke between you and him

okay well, if you must know 

y’all were trying to come up with the most absurd nicknames for each other that kinda sound legit 

some other gems 

‘Muscleman’

‘Big scary snookums’

‘sexy giant’

[wavebiders]

Operation: "Ignore the Shitty Live Action Winx Show and Just Rewatch the Cartoon for the First Time in Almost a Decade" part 54:

Stella and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

The show that brought you gay fairies now presents: gay mermaids

You know, I'm sure most versions of Valtor have a dramatic or creepy voice to match his extra appearance but here he just sounds like Some Guy and that's the only Valtor I will accept bc it is once again comedy gold

Also he's such a motormouth during his grand speeches? I can't tell if that's just a character trait, or if Dutch doesn't have short enough ways of saying things and having him talk that fast is the only way to get all the info in

Many feelings about Aisha being so unsure of her place in the group last season yet here they all are stressing over not being able to contact her. Heart full

Did I somehow manage to send my complaints about s2 not having enough Girlfriends™️ content back in time to the creators? Bc this season is really going hard with them again

Also the paralelism of Stella taking Bloom to Magix in 1×02 and taking her to Solaria in 3x02👌

"Bloom, You're welcome here. Stella talks about you all the time, make yourself at home" "I'll try my best. Even though my home is about a hundred rooms smaller" Heart. Full.

If I can't get my "I was kidnapped by a teacher I trusted, and then brainwashed into hurting my friends" angst, then I will gladly take the "I'm the sole survivor of a genocide" angst from Bloom instead

Stella did not just gently wipe away her tear I imagined that

HELLO?!?

This punk is lowkey kinda valid for thinking Stella is a spoiled brat here, but she also seemed pretty spoiled herself. Where's Musa when you need her to playfully put Stella in her place😩

"I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but this could be the start of a beautiful and lasting friendship" when did Bloom get so fucking funny fdghsd

LMAO Stella just magically flipped over the bed to get Bloom to get up, but she just curled up on the floor this episode is a work of art😭

Not Bloom looking into the camera like she's on the Office

After Stella brought out a pile of clothes, insisting Bloom tell her how she looks in them, this gremlin just gave her a thumbs up and fell asleep on top of them😂😭

I am SO glad the "Bloom can't fucking stay awake" gag stuck around even after she stopped having magical dead sister dreams. Those made it worse but she's literally just Like That

Welp! It's looking like another school year filled with some villain obsessing over Bloom who's just sitting here Poor girl cant catch a break

I can't believe I was giving this dude props for being more chill royalty than Sky's parents! fuck this guy someone tell Mike and Vanessa it's time to adopt another alien

"It's ok Stella just isn't acting like herself right now" no I'd say her reaction is pretty appropriate if not understated actually? How is everyone so chill about this? Even Flora smh

Bloom is the only valid person in this ballroom rn everyone else is on my shit list

Oh jesus christ there's more. I guess they decided Stella had it too easy last season huh

"Something tells me we're not getting invited back here" I think you may be on to something there

[urdearestmom]

brain damage

i’m back again y’all and just wrote this piece... a bit of a scene study from that scene in 3x06. basically what i wish mike had said 

also the middle part is mostly conjecture but some of it is bits that you can hear in the actual scene if you strain your ears and ignore nancy and jonathan talking over it

also DISCLAIMER i do not hate max!! i really like her actually but she was really pissing me off with this whole bit because she just does not have any basis for understanding mileven's relationship and so her advice doesn't always directly apply. she had good intentions but BRUH. anyways i could go on a whole rant about max vs mike in season 3 but i'm not gonna do that right now lmao

It’s pretty silent in here, El thinks. It always is, but tonight it’s… strange. Almost as though it’s empty. Why can’t she find them? She’s been sitting in her room for the last half hour trying to locate any of the flayed and although she can’t see it, she knows there’s a growing mountain of bloody tissues next to her on the floor. She’s starting to think that she might need to give herself a break for a little bit.

Her friends are in the living room waiting for her, and she knows they’re all anxious to find out what she might see. So far, absolutely nothing. The only thing that happens is that every so often she hears a bit of a voice. It’s just there, tickling the edges of her consciousness, and she could tune into it if she wanted to… but she’s already identified it by the cadence of the noise as Mike’s voice, and she’d said she wouldn’t spy on him. She’d done it once and he was clearly upset by it. Although they aren’t really back to how they were before, El misses him more than she lets on, and she doesn’t want to make things worse by spying again.

Outside, Mike is getting close to yelling. He sincerely hopes El can’t hear him because he is once again fighting with her new best friend.

“It can’t be good for her to be in there for this long,” he exclaims, pacing in front of her door.

“Mike, you need to relax,” says Max, looking disdainfully at him.

“What if she gets brain damage or something?!”

“Oh shit,” interrupts Lucas, looking between them. “Is that like, a real thing?”

Max scoffs. “No, it’s not. He made it up. Mike doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about,” she adds, raising her eyebrows defiantly as if daring him to refute her.

“Oh, and you do?! ” He retorts. Her facial expression alone is pissing him off. It’s so self-righteous, as if she knows anything at all about him or how he thinks and feels.

“No,” she says quickly. “But I think El does. See, that’s the difference between you and me. You think you know everything!”

“I don’t know everything,” he fires back. His hands are balled into fists and he’s starting to shake. “But I know her.”

Max snorts. “You’re just mad she wants to be her own person. You can’t deal with other people not doing what you tell them to.”

“What do you think this is, Russia? I’m not some dictator, okay? I’m just trying to protect El!” He says angrily. This is getting more and more ridiculous by the second. Max doesn’t know the first thing about what he can or can’t deal with and acting like she does is striking his last nerve. Mike can feel the familiar boil of rage deep within him coming to a rise.

“The only person who knows anything about El’s powers is El,” says Max, with an air of finality.

Mike crosses his arms in an attempt to get himself in control of his emotions. “So if that’s true, what makes you think you have any more of a say than I do?”

She splutters for a moment and it’s so satisfying that Mike almost smirks, but it drops quickly when Max rises from her seat and stalks over to him.

“I don’t,” she seethes, poking him forcefully in the chest. “But she does, and you need to back off .”

“I’m not even on! ” He yells, throwing his arms up and pushing her away. He realizes his statement doesn’t actually make any sense but… whatever. At this point, it’s not like it matters. “She won’t listen to me! Because you put ideas in her head! You know she absorbs every new thing people tell her and you pressured her into dumping me!”

There it is. It’s out. It’s what he’s been thinking since it happened. He knew he’d messed up big-time by lying to El, but he never would have expected her to dump him over it. And the look on Max’s face as she stood by and watched had said everything he needed to know.

Max’s face is turning an alarming shade of pink and Mike thinks that he probably matches her. “I didn’t pressure her into anything, she decided! What is your problem with letting El decide things for herself?!”

“I don’t have a problem! At least I didn’t before you inserted yourself where you didn’t need to be!”

“All I did was give her choices!”

Mike takes a deep breath to retaliate, but then lets it go and turns away. “You don’t understand. Just- fucking leave me alone.”

Lucas is still staring at them; Mike can feel his friend’s eyes on his back. Why isn’t he agreeing? He was there when El- he knows what she can push herself to.

Max makes an angry noise. “Fine! It’s not my fault you can’t be wrong!” She walks toward Nancy and Jonathan and Mike follows, preparing to convince everyone else that this is a stupid idea. “Okay, can you guys settle an argument for us?”

Nancy looks hard at them, her eyes searching Mike quickly before flicking back to the girl next to him.

“Who do you think should decide El’s limits… Mike, or Eleven?”

He sees red. “The way that you framed that is such bullshit. ” Why is he the villain here?!

Her braids whip around her face as she turns to him. “It’s not bullshit, Mike, this is your whole problem! And it’s also precisely the reason why she dumped your ass!”

“El dumped you?” Nancy asks incredulously.

Mike throws his arms up again. “Yeah, because she’s conspiring against me! She’s corrupting her!”

“N- enlightening her!” Max throws back. “The fact is, she’s not yours. She’s her own person, fully capable of making her own decisions.”

“She’s risking her life for no reason!” He shouts.

“No reason?” Says Nancy. “Mike, the flayed are out there doing god knows what-”

“Killing, flaying,” interjects Lucas.

“Transforming into monsters,” adds Will.

Mike glares at them. Not helping.

“And El’s not stupid,” Nancy continues, shaking her head. “She knows her abilities better than any of us.”

“Exactly, thank you,” Max says victoriously. Mike closes his eyes. He cannot believe this is how this is going.

“And she is her own person-”

“Exactly!”

“With her own free will-”

“Exactly! El has saved the world twice and Mike still doesn’t trust her-”

At that he has to interrupt. There’s no way he’s letting Max flip this around. “You wanna talk about trust, really? After you made Eleven spy on us?!”

Max looks down, giving herself away.

Lucas stands up behind him. “Wait, what?”

Mike whirls to face him. “Oh, she didn’t tell you this?” He says sarcastically.

“No!”

“Your girlfriend used El’s powers to spy on us ,” he spits.

“No, no, no,” Max interjects. “I did not make her, it was her idea. And why are we even talking about this, seriously?”

“Yeah,” says Will. “Who cares?”

And now Mike’s annoyed at Will too. Will has no idea what is going on in Mike’s head and he’s not ever going to understand why he feels the way he does. Just the same as the rest of the Party will never really relate to Will’s struggles because they weren’t there, Will wasn’t there for theirs either. He didn’t see what she did-

“I care!” Says Lucas, and finally Mike is glad someone seems to be on his side. Thank God for small blessings.

“Yeah, I guess girlfriends don’t lie, they spy,” he says, turning back to Max at the last moment so she can truly see his ire.

“We were just joking around,” she defends.

“Would it have been so funny if I was taking a massive shit or something?” He asks.

She wrinkles her nose. “You weren’t!”

“But what if I was?!”

“Then gross!”

“Seriously, Mike?” Interrupts Nancy, and all of a sudden this has become like one of those moments where he just wants to strangle her for talking before he’s done. She does it all the fucking time and like, he guesses it’s probably part of being siblings but it leaves him fuming more often than not.

“I’m just trying to demonstrate how careless Max is with Eleven’s powers,” he says carefully. This is where he needs to get his point across. He desperately needs someone to understand that he’s not trying to be controlling or police what El does or doesn’t do, he’s just trying to save her from herself. He couldn’t do it the first time, but by God if he isn’t going to try now.

“Have any of you noticed Lucas is the only one not disagreeing with me?” He asks.

Max huffs. “Lucas doesn’t have anything to do with this. This is your prob-”

“Lucas has everything to do with this!” He roars. Mike has absolutely had it up to here with her and turns on her a final time, shaking again. “You weren’t there, Max! None of you were. Except Lucas. You don’t know what she’ll do..” His voice trembles.

Lucas seems to understand what he’s getting at and lays a hand on his shoulder. Mike flashes him a grateful look. He still has a hard time thinking about that night, much less talking about it. “She vaporized herself in front of us. I tried to stop her and she did it anyway.”

The room is silent now, the only sound being the TV static from El’s bedroom where she’s still holed up. Mike takes a breath.

“It’s not that I think El doesn’t know her limits,” he says. “I just know that she doesn’t care about them. She’ll die overexerting herself before she lets something hurt one of us.”

He looks up at everyone, Jonathan and Will looking oddly similarly out of place and Nancy with her eyes trained on his face as she listens. Max isn’t looking at him. Good , he thinks. Maybe that made her feel guilty.

“How would you feel if you knew firsthand El didn’t care about dying to save her friends, huh? Wouldn’t you be worried about her?” He directs this at Max specifically, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “You guys are treating her like some kind of machine, and she’s not a machine. I still have nightmares about that day all the time.”

The room stays silent, almost as though everyone is holding a breath and waiting for him to start yelling again, but he’s not going to. He doesn’t have any energy left to expound on this topic. If Max wants to keep making him the bad guy, then whatever. He has more important things to worry about.

“I just-” He starts and stops, wondering if this is the right thing to say. “I don’t want her to die looking for the flayed when they’ve obviously vanished off the face of the Earth, so we can we please just come up with another plan because I love her and I can’t lose her again.”

Now it’s almost as though all the air has actually been sucked out of the room. Maybe this wasn’t the right time to reveal the depth of his feelings, but Mike really didn’t know what else he could say that could possibly make them understand his position. Lucas’ hand on his shoulder squeezes for a quick second and then lightly taps him as Lucas moves his arm back.

Nancy shakes her head. “I get that you don’t want her to hurt herself, Mike, but she’s already in there. There’s not much else we can do.”

“What’s going on?”

Everyone whips around to face El coming out of her bedroom doorway. Holy shit, did she hear what he said? Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit-

“Nothing. Nothing!” He says quickly.

“Just… family discussion,” adds Lucas from behind him. Mike can feel the smirk in his voice without even having to look at him.

“Oh,” says El, and suddenly Mike really wants to hug her. But this isn’t the time. He looks away.

“I found him,” she continues.

“Found… who?” Nancy asks.

“Billy.”

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 10: Old Love, New Love, Is This True Love

All right, so...like I said, work has picked up and my eyes feel like old marbles from staring at numbers (the woes of working in accounting I guess) so I want to get this written up and tossed into the nether before I lose steam and motivation to do it. The interesting thing about these little write-ups is that as the week goes on they just get harder and harder to write...

I do apologize in advance to those who like the long-winded write-ups. I’m just not up to it at the moment. Still feeling kind of bleh from the episode.

Let’s go back to an old format, shall we?

The Good

We might as well start out with the things about this episode that I enjoyed! 

Gossip Hour with the Men was one of the best openers they’ve had on the show in a while. It was genuinely funny without being meanspirited. Nobody looked like the bad guy. Everyone just calmly talked about it alike it was a normal thing to maybe call off the wedding. Bill calling out Carson for giving marriage advice was pretty funny, Mike was a delight. I don’t know what to say. I’d watch a whole episode of The Boys just hanging around spending time together.

--

Florence’s worry that she’s ugly was...not a terrible idea for a storyline, but the actress is too good-looking to pretend to be ugly (I saw her in this pretty yellow dress on Instagram a couple years ago and she was smashing)? Also, it’s not like Ned is a handsomely aged gentleman (like Henry lol) so it makes even less sense for the characters. I think they should have gone with Florence feeling she’s “plain” and that dressing up Super Nice makes her feel uncomfortable because she just doesn’t feel like Herself and worries maybe it’s projecting a false sense of Who She Is or something? I guess overall I still liked that an attempt was made to add some depth to Florence and her difficulties in choosing a dress/hairstyle, so...it goes here.

--

Ned asking Henry to be his best man was nice, too. I can forgive the shoddy pacing and weird placement of this request (like I do with almost everything in the show) but only because the scene was just...so incredibly wholesome. 

I like how Henry just casually is like, “Well maybe today’s just not the day.” I think it eased Ned’s mind just a little that he CAN back out if he really wants to.

I think it’s worth thinking about the fact that Ned and Henry would have always worked very closely, since the mercantile would have been a company store before the mine closed down... I like Henry and Ned as pals.

--

I’m glad the “investment” thing with Jesse and Clara’s savings was brought up in a way that...makes sense. And also, glad it wasn’t forgotten.

--

I really liked Molly and Florence in this episode. I’m a little sad Florence married Ned because I AM SORRY BUT I WANTED TO KEEP SHIPPING MOLLY AND FLORENCE TOGETHER UGHGHGHH

But their relationship is so good and maYBE Elizabeth will learn something from them.

Hey Elizabeth...you see that?

YOU SEE THAT?

Just saying.

And then later...

“You are the sister I never had, the mother I forever wanted, the friend I have always needed. From the depths of those dark and terrifying coal mines you’ve walked beside me, picking me up whenever I’ve stumbled along the way.”

AAAAAAAAA IT GOT ME.

--

I’m...really liking Fiona and Mike’s relationship, whatever it is. I kind of think they’re not headed toward anything romantic. Everyone thinks Mike is really into Fiona but at the end of the episode we realize he likes talking to her about business; it’s almost like they have this shared passion for numbers/ideas and he likes infodumping to her (and vice-versa).

I think they’re going to end up being “just friends” and Fiona will end up paired off with the man Elizabeth doesn’t choose. They hinted at Nathan briefly in this episode (with Allie’s hair), but who knows? I’m over trying to speculate on where the triangle is going at this point, but I actually like Fiona’s relationship with Mike so much that I’ll be disappointed if she fades into the background with Nathan or Lucas. Mike deserves more screentime. 

--

Ned and Florence sharing their fIRST KISS. My husband got emotional over this. And I admit, it was starting to get to me, too. I can’t NOT root for them. 

--

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I WOULD DIE FOR THE CANFIELDS.

--

The wedding was nice. I liked that Bill and Joseph officiated it together; it gives Joseph a li’l trial run of pastoring and finally Bill gets to use some of that power of his to officiate a wedding.

“Please, if you’d like” is such a Bill way to say that they may kiss LOL.

--

Also, I have to admit that I did enjoy Lucas calling Nathan out about Allie. She wouldn’t be caught in the middle if he’d leave Elizabeth alone AND HE IS RIGHT LMAO.

The last good thing: Elizabeth telling Nathan she doesn’t blame him for Jack’s death. Nice. Good. Thank you. He probably needed to hear that.

--

...THE BAD

Carson and Faith. UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHH. BREAK UP ALREADY I HATE YOU BOTH.

I appreciated that Carson had the ring ages ago, and I did like his conversation with Minnie—or more accurately, her advice to him. I felt like she was nudging him toward, “Remember why you became a surgeon in the first place.” If he became a surgeon to help people, then there’s no reason he can’t help people where he is. Sure, he might not be doing state of the art procedures but with Faith working alongside him, he can afford time to learn new things and go to doctor conventions or even take a specialized class now and then. No other doctor could get away for very long but he has that chance!

And he’ll arguably be doing more good in the middle of nowhere than in the city. All the doctors want to live in the city. Nobody wants to barely get paid for their time in the countryside.

We had a whole episode that made it clear that Faith and Carson don’t make a lot of money and do a lot of charity work. They also work for trade goods (mostly food). So it’s like...a pretty big difference in lifestyle? 

Half the reason I can’t get invested in these characters is because I really can’t stand Paul Greene. He just...annoys me on every single level imaginable. But he’s a decent actor and I can’t help but feel that his character was a massive waste of space for the past few seasons through no fault of the man himself. Imagine introducing a character like Carson and then leaving him to rot before you try to make him interesting with a romance plot that nobody asked for.

Yes, some people really like Faith and Carson, but as a whole I think the fandom didn’t buy into them as a ship due to the lack of chemistry.

It really is a shame. This episode didn’t do a thing to endear me to either character. Please, Carson. I am begging you to leave town.

--

This one particular line of dialogue almost enraged me.

WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES. WHY DID THEY HAVE ROSEMARY SAY THIS LIKE IT’S AN EPISODE OF A CHILD’S TV SHOW?

--

Elizabeth.........

How could Katie have...looked up to her? She was never in her class? That was? Never part of anything? It was just something they threw in here to force Elizabeth to make 1% more sense in the role she’s in but IT STILL DOESN’T WORK.

I felt like I was back in Season 5 again with Lori and Elizabeth putting their nose in everyone’s business except it’s just Elizabeth!! The whole plot, which was boring and contrived anyway, should have gone to Molly, since she’s Florence’s best friend and another woman from town that Katie would have known as a child.

AND ALSO, MOLLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN KATIE’S MOTHER AND WOULD REMEMBER THE GRIEF THAT NED STRUGGLED WITH.

I know they wanted to make Elizabeth give advice so that she’d Realize that she needs to, I don’t know, make better choices or something, but it was too on the nose for me and I hated it.

GinithePooh on Reddit made a good comparison to Elizabeth in this episode by saying she reminded them of Clippy from Microsoft Word, always popping up and offering to help when nobody really needs or wants advice.

To honor their incredible idea, I opened Photoshop and created this gem, which I will also be posting separately so that people can reblog it if they wish to.

I also don’t think I need to say also filed under The Bad is the fact that Elizabeth didn’t even apologize for being awful to Rosemary and then gave her unsolicited advice to other people for two days straight. I can’t believe they wrote that? 

All I can say is that her apology to Rosemary, when it comes, better be good.

--

And I didn’t like this either:

I wish it had been followed up by literally anything: Nathan saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell her sooner or something to make the hand-holding actually be a little more innocent.

As it is, it just seems so deliberate? 

Maybe the next episode starts off right in this scene and we’ll get that? If so, this might actually end up being fine. I just don’t think it is if it doesn’t get a little more direct attention.

--

& THE UGLY

I debated on putting anything in here, because I’m not ready to talk about my feelings on this matter, at least not fully. But I’ve been pretty quiet all season so far, and...eh, why not just mention things in advance? What will it hurt?

Let me preface this section by saying I’m biased and I doubt hardly anyone on this site will agree with me, so feel free to just ignore this part if that’s the case.

There are two things that I really didn’t like in this episode.

I hate the slanting toward Bill/Molly.

I like Molly just fine but I don’t like her with Bill. I’m biased as all getout and also worried about the future/potential Season 9 with regards to this. I don’t want to see it. Like at all. Why, you ask? You should know why if you follow me. I’m super transparent.

It’s because I like AJ AND I WANT HER BACK LOL.

John Tinker rewatched the series so we know he wouldn’t have missed that hanging plot thread—especially since he didn’t forget any of the other things that were brought up this season! So why didn’t she appear this season? The love triangle absolutely needed to be a focus or it would have never ended, so that’s part of it, but I’m also pretty sure Josie Bissett wasn’t interested in doing any filming last year during Covid. My only “proof” is that Wedding March 6 wasn’t filmed last year even though it was scheduled to be filmed, but it makes sense. Last year was chaos.

THAT SAID, Jack Wagner posted on his Instagram the other day that they are actually filming Wedding March 6 now, so... I guess AJ’s re-appearance in Season 9 wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if they wanted to write it.

You’d think I’d be hyped about that, and I kind of am? But it doesn’t come without its share of worries, too. We just had the worst love triangle in the history of love triangles and I really don’t want another one, especially if it makes any of the characters in question look stupid or mean.

I fully admit a well-written love triangle could be a LOT of fun for them* (low stakes because they’re not front and center characters), but I saw how Nathan was written so far this season and I really, REALLY do not want to see that happen to Molly, Bill, or AJ.

Anyway, not a fan of the Molly/Bill stuff. No chemistry. I don’t want it.

*I would totally write a fanfic like this lmao.

--

And finally...the part that everyone will hate me for:

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ABIGAIL COME BACK. And I specifically do not want her to come back ‘cause I do not wanna see Henry/Abigail happen.

I fully recognize that a lot of you like it and ship the heck out of it, and that’s...good. I’m glad you enjoy it. I loathe it, though, and I worry that all these hints (more like...mentions) are leaning toward...something. Like, either they’re:

1) Sending Abigail off/tying up that loose end with Henry (since nothing was ever clarified either way), or

2) Warming up the audience to receive Abigail back on the show.

I’m pretty into the idea of one-sided Henry/Abigail. Hindsight is 20/20, regrets, that’s all some juicy stuff to give a character like Henry. Some things can’t ever be made right again. He had too direct of a connection to the death of her husband and son for me to ever want to see them together. Forgiveness? Yes. A careful but meaningful friendship? Yes. Romantic relationship? Uh...no thanks.

I liked the Abigail mentions at first because I felt like...the character still mattered (as she should) but I’m at a point where I feel like they’re trying really hard to steer the fandom’s view a certain way and not knowing where it’s going is extremely unsettling to me.

--

I’ll probably talk more about the things that bother me when the season ends, because I’m hoping to have a better idea of where things are going to be headed, but for now just...know that I feel very apprehensive.

And keep in mind that I primarily watch this show for Bill these days, since all my previous faves (AJ, Frank, the old Abigail, Dottie) have exited, stage left. I also always really liked seeing Henry. So as you can imagine, seeing plotlines I hate for the only two characters I’m invested in? Is making me consider dropping the series next year.

My husband told me I should hate-watch it, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’ve been following this series for so long...it just...kind of hurts to feel let down like this? 

But sometimes an ongoing series ends up going where you...didn’t want it to, and it becomes something that’s no longer right for you. I hope that doesn’t happen, but last night’s episode makes me feel like...it might be happening for real this time.

I guess if that holds true it’ll be back to fanfiction for me. Will that novelization I planned ages ago end up getting written? Will I write the best love triangle fanfic known to man? WHO KNOWS.

For now, we’ll all have to wait and see! Two more episodes left. I’m really curious to see how they resolve some of the open plots right now. :>

[obwjam]

The mike x borrower meeting sounds interesting, you should definitely write it!

not the exact same thing but this is a direct copy-paste from something i wrote a year ago lmao i’m putting it under the cut, in which mike makes a new borrower friend breakfast

“G’morning, little buddy,” a soft yet cheery voice rang out above me. My eyes snapped open to see Mike looming over me. I shot up and tried to scuttle back, but not only was my leg wrapped up nicely, but I was, too. I merely fell back into the mountainous folds of the cloth.

“How’d ya sleep?” he asked, pulling a chair up and seemingly glossing over my flinch.

“O-okay,” I stammered. I was sleeping well until I was rudely awakened.

“Was it too hot? Too cold?”

I shrugged. “Too big.”

Mike let out a small laugh. “Funny. Lemme getcha somethin’ to drink. Y’ever had coffee?”

“What do you think?” I asked, trying to be funny but instead coming across as rude. Mike raised his eyebrow at me, but amusingly smirked.

“You care to try it?”

“I--I guess I could… I’ve always smelled it. Never been able to sneak around and grab any.”

“Mmm, alright,” he said, standing back up. I marveled up at him as he moved around, almost not able to believe that I was watching him like always, but I was close. I didn’t have to hide, or worry that he might see me.

“Hmm…” Mike mused, filling his mug to the top. “Didn’t really think how I’d pour ya a cup.”

“I’ve got a cup back in--” I started, but stopped. It probably wasn’t a good idea to tell him about the nook.

But of course, he heard me. “Back where?”

My eyes darted to the table. “N-nothing. Nowhere. I--I wouldn’t be able to make it there, anyway, with my leg.”

“Are you talkin’ about where you live?” Mike asked, leaning back against the counter and casually sipping his coffee. As if this was a casual conversation.

I nodded. “It’s called -- well, I call it my nook. Just where I sleep and keep all my things.”

“Sounds very cozy,” he said, taking another sip. “Y’know, I could always bring you wherever you--”

I laughed, shaking off the thought of one of them holding me. “You wouldn’t be able to bring me to the nook, Mike. You’re too big.”

A smirk grew across Mike’s face. “Too big, huh? Can’t just stick my arm in a hole or somethin’?”

“No,” I said with a chuckle. “Still much too big.”

Mike shrugged. “That’s a shame. I would’ve liked to see it.”

He paused, deliberating over something. He eventually let out a sigh and flopped back down into a chair.

“I, uh, look, I--” he paused for a breath. “I know this is all, uh, less than ideal,” he stammered, glancing down at my leg. I bit my lip. “But, well, y’see, we want to help. So if you need anything, want anything… just, just tell one of us. We’ll be happy to getcha what you need.”

Before I could speak, he started again.

“A-and, well… I-I know it’s prob’ly pretty scary, f-for you, but, uh, we can bring ya anywhere too.”

There it was. I knew he was going to address that. And it wasn’t entirely crazy -- I certainly didn’t want to be stuck on this table forever. But the thought of trusting one of them with my life in their hands and having the others give me stares? I didn’t want to deal with that. Not right now.

“I bet you don’t wanna be sittin’ on this table forever,” Mike echoed my thoughts. I gave him a nod.

“It’s just…” I started, freezing up when I looked up at Mike. Eye contact was still a work in progress. “I dunno.”

“You can tell me, darlin’, it’s alright,” Mike said softly. “I’m not gonna get mad.”

I took a breath. “This is all pretty… new to me. A-as you can imagine. I’ve never… I--I don’t want to…” Inhale. Exhale. “I don’t want to be a bother. I’ve already caused too much trouble.”

“Aw, darlin’, you haven’t caused a lick of trouble,” Mike said.

“You understand that I can’t go back, right? I can’t go back on my own with a broken leg. I--I can’t climb, I can’t even walk. If--if I want to survive, at least— at least until my leg is better… I’m gonna need your help to do it. That’s an awful lot of attention you’ll need to dedicate to me. And I… I don’t want to ask that of you.”

“Oh, it’s not as big a deal as you think it’ll be,” Mike said, leaning down. “Sure, you’re pretty small, and we’ll have to be extra careful. But makin’ sure you have somethin’ to eat or drink or that ya have a place to sleep at night is no trouble at all.” He paused to rub the back of his neck, desperately trying to think of what to say next. “Are you… how are you feelin’? ‘Bout all this.”

I shrugged, allowing myself to laugh. I guess there was no way any of them would ever understand unless I explained it to them.

“I think… more than anything… I’m, uh, anxious,” I said, furiously twiddling my thumbs. “A-and scared. I-it’s hard not to look at everything and everyone towering above me and not get overwhelmed, you know?”

Mike nodded, suddenly acutely aware of how big he must seem to her. “I can leave ya alone, if you need time to… relax.” That was not the right word to use.

***change of perspective for no reason just go with it***

To his surprise, she vigorously shook her head. “No. Well. I dunno. I’m just… I-I’m already here. You already know about me.” In truth, she wanted to be left alone. All she wanted to do was crawl into her nook and never come back out. But knowing that she couldn’t go anywhere, the last thing she wanted was to be lounging around on the table, exposed and alone, without someone to accompany her and take some of the attention away. Mike was taking the lead on taking care of her and was the least invasive of the four, so this was the best she was going to get right now. “You… you’re not going to…” she stopped. Mike inched forward, eyes urging her to press on.

“Not goin’ to what?”

She sighed. “Not… do anything to me.” Her voice was so soft, Mike was surprised he could hear her.

“Do anything? Like what?”

She shook her head, lower lip quivering. “N-nothing. Forget I said anything.”

Mike’s eyes widened with sorrow, but he knew it wouldn’t be good to push her. He could piece together that the “anything” she was referring to wasn’t a good thing, anyway.

“You hungry?” Mike asked, desperate to change the subject. She slowly nodded, still looking away. Mike tried to ignore the fact that this whole thing stemmed from his inability to give her coffee and he had yet to come up with a solution. For the first time ever, he found himself wishing that Micky was awake early. He would know how to make something for her.

Mike stood up and looked into the ice box, his heart leaping when he saw actual food in there.

“Y’ever had eggs and bacon?”

She laughed. It was a genuine laugh, one of those laughs you give when you’re delightfully amused. Mike hadn’t even seen her smile, so hearing her laugh float up from the table surprised him. He found the corners of his lips turning up at the sound.

“It’s safe to assume I’ve never tried anything,” she called out, clearly trying to make sure Mike could hear her. Mike fished out the carton of eggs and half-eaten package of bacon from the back of the ice box, swiftly placing the ingredients on the counter. He reached for a pan and clicked the stove on.

“Think about it,” she forced herself to continue. She didn’t want Mike to be the only one talking. “How could I have possibly borrowed eggs and bacon while you weren’t looking?”

Mike bit his lip. He never really thought hard about the fact that she had basically been stealing things in secret for years. Anything she’s ever taken was done without their knowledge. He couldn’t even remember noticing things going missing until the recent bread incident.

“Fair point,” Mike said, cracking an egg over a now-heated pan.

“Plus, it’s hard to borrow a meal you only make twice a year.”

Mike turned around quickly, a comically amused look on his face. “Was that a joke?” he said with a teasing tone. She winced and sunk back into her towel a little bit, but recovered quickly when she realized Mike wasn’t being harsh.

She shrugged, trying to hide a smile. “It’s just the truth.”

Mike found himself trying to hide his own grin.

“Yer funny,” he said, letting the sizzle of the other side of the egg try to hide his comment. It was the second time calling her funny this morning. He called Micky funny maybe once a month.

She had heard his comment, of course, and definitely registered that it was a repeat compliment. She knew Mike was going to get all weird if she mentioned it, so she stayed quiet, marveling at his cooking. This wasn’t the first time she’s ever watched one of them perform a mundane daily task, but it was different than all the other times. She was present in this. Though the nagging thought in the back of her mind telling her to hide was still there, she knew it was just instinct. Mike was making this for her. She didn’t have to watch him cook and smell the food and wonder what it tastes like and wish she could find out for herself. She was going to find out. Despite the fear and uncomfortability she felt, she was willing to let her guard down for this one thing. This was a primal instinct letting itself through. She was going to enjoy this meal, and enjoy the company. Maybe it would help her feel more normal.

Once the egg was done frying, Mike plopped two strips of bacon in its place, transferring the egg to a small plate. The smell of eggs was good, yeah, but the smell of bacon was overwhelming. So overwhelming, in fact, it got Micky to get out of bed. He bounded down the stairs, excited that they had enough food for Mike to be cooking for everyone. He was so excited that he completely forgot about their little house guest.

“You’re making breakfast? Groovy!” Micky said, riding up right on Mike’s tail, making him jump.

“Don’t do that,” Mike muttered harshly, flipping the bacon over. “It ain’t for you.”

“What!” Micky cried. “You’re just making breakfast for yourself? C’mon, man, that’s--”

“Are you stupid?” Mike hissed, jerking his head toward the table. Micky looked back, down, then gasped. Yeah, I am stupid.

He chuckled nervously, locking gazes with her for just a bit too long. Her cheeks were bright red, and she looked nervous.

“S-sorry,” he said suddenly, breaking eye contact with her. “I’ll, uh.” He reached up to the cabinet and pulled out the almost-empty box of corn flakes. “I’ll just go back upstairs.”

Before Mike could protest, Micky was already halfway gone. The Texan sighed, peeling the bacon from the pan and placing it next to the eggs.

“Sorry about him,” Mike said, placing the plate in front of him as he took a seat. “That boy don’t know how to control himself.”

She shrugged, looking down to her cast. “He did a good job with this.”

Mike looked to her leg. “How’s it feel, by the way?”

“It’s… it hurts. Kinda throbbing,” she said. “But I can feel it getting better.”

“Already?” Mike asked, almost absentmindedly, as he took his fork and began cutting off a little piece of egg.

She nodded. “Borrowers, we… we tend to heal faster than humans do.” Mike cringed again at the distinction. “I’ll probably be good to walk around again in like, two weeks.”

“Two weeks? Are ya sure? Have you ever broke your leg before?”

She laughed that amused laugh again, and Mike found himself getting embarrassed every time she did that. It was a laugh that said Oh boy, this idiot doesn’t get it.

“I’ve broken more bones than I can count.” She fiddled with her thumbs. “Elbow, legs. Both of ‘em. Arms, shoulders, fingers. I’ve rolled my ankle so many times I don’t know how it’s still attached to my body.” She stuck her good leg up and rolled her ankle around. “Yeah, it’s still there!”

“Jeez, that’s awful,” Mike said, suddenly losing all interest in the food. “How did you…” He didn’t know if asking this was a good idea, but he wanted to know everything about her that he could possibly find out. “How d’you, get all those… supplies you need, if you’re all banged up?”

She went quiet for a moment. “Wh-when I take food, I usually keep a weeks’ supply going. To prevent running out. Water is… more difficult. I’ll go a few days without drinking any.”

“That could kill you!”

She shrugged. “I’ve gone weeks without water before. It’s so hard to transport, I end up spilling half the stuff I take.”

Mike tried to picture carrying a bucket of water through an obstacle course with a broken leg. He couldn’t even fathom the possibility.

“It’s… amazing you even get any,” he said carefully, not wanting to sound patronizing.

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” she smirked, eyes cast downward. She wasn’t very hungry anymore.

“I…” Mike tried, but stopped himself. Everything he asked led to her being sad, and that was the last thing Mike wanted right now. “…why don’t ya try some of that food I made ya?” he tried. “It’s gonna go cold soon.”

That seemed to catch her attention rather quickly. She finally had a hot meal in front of her, and she was really about to squander it. She stared at the scraps in front of her, studying the textures of the egg. Luckily, the bacon smelled delicious, because the smell of the egg was not doing her appetite any favors. She began to wonder how disgusting this thing might taste.

“Everythin’ alright?” Mike asked with a mouthful of egg. He figured she would be all over this. She finally looked up at him, and his face was soft; sympathetic. He was simply waiting for her to try the food, eager for her reaction to his cooking. She gave a small nod before picking up the small piece of egg with her hands. It was still warm, though not fresh-out-of-the-pan hot. It was still warmer than anything she’s ever had before, and it felt wonderful in her hands. It wasn’t often that she experienced warmth; though, in California, she fared better than most. But the nights got cold and the heater was much too loud to sleep next to. Huddling up in her blankets and getting some hot water was the closest she ever got to the feeling of warmth. And when she was able to treat herself to hot water, the feeling of it traveling through her body and down to her stomach, ironically enough, always gave her chills. Maybe this egg could do the same.

With a renewed sense of energy, she bit into the egg and was instantly surprised—it was squishy. It almost sloshed around in her mouth, but it was fluffy at the same time. A little wet, too. There was some weird yellow liquid on it, which she could only assume was part of the egg. She chewed carefully, wanting to savor and remember the first egg she’d ever eaten. She couldn’t quite place the taste, but it was cooked enough that it was stained with the taste of old foods cooked in that same pan. It gave it an extra depth she didn’t realize food could have. It was unlike anything she had ever tasted and she loved it.

“This… this is incredible,” she said, looking at the egg like it was a newborn baby. Mike couldn’t help but smile at her infatuation.

“Aw, well. My cookin’ ain’t that good,” he joked. Inside, he was just happy she seemed to find pleasure in something.

Before she could even respond, she abandoned her notion of savoring the taste and scarfed down the rest of the egg. She ravenously turned to the bacon and ate it up before Mike could even blink.

“Jeez, you’re hungry, aren’t’cha?” he mumbled affectionately, not realizing he had slipped into pet-talk mode. She, however, did notice. She shot him a glare, which took Mike a few moments to understand.

“If you only ever ate stale crackers, you’d eat like this too,” she said, wiping her mouth. “Well, I’m actually a little surprised you aren’t eating like this is the first hot meal you’ve ever had!” She said cheekily with a nervous chuckle.

Mike smiled, once again amused at her joke, before realizing there was a layer to this.

“…is this your first hot meal? Ever?”

She shrugged, which Mike was beginning to realize was an ashamed “yes”.

“…It’s not even that hot,” she mumbled, only half-joking.

“Jeez, bud, I—I could have heated it back up for ya.” She didn’t respond. “Well, there’s plenty more where that came from. Do you want some more?” He gestured to his plate, which was still full of food, but she took intrigue with something he had just said.

“Plenty more?”

“Well, yeah. I-I’m not gonna let you starve,” he said, sniffing a laugh.

“You… you don’t need to do that,” she said, more ashamed than anything. No matter how wonderful real cooking was, she didn’t need to be treated like she was totally helpless.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Mike asked, genuinely surprised by her reaction. “Based off everythin’ you told me, well, you don’t need to hunt for scraps anymore. We can take care of stuff for ya—”

“—I don’t need to be taken care of,” she snapped, surprising herself. “I’ve been managing for 22 years,” she mumbled lowly. “I’ll be alright.”

Mike raised his eyebrows. He understood this kind of stubbornness because it was the same exact kind of pride he carried around himself. He didn’t expect her to be proud of the way she lived, but he understood the knee-jerk reaction. It was a lot easier to see how silly it was on the outside, though, and he suddenly started to wonder how many times his pride made him seem foolish instead of independent.

“I’m not sayin’ you can’t take care of yourself. Clearly, you’ve been going for this long. I don’t think you’re helpless. You seem to be anything but.” She meekly met Mike’s gaze, which was sincere yet firm. “But I get it, y’know? The stubbornness. Refusin’ help because you think acceptin’ it makes you weak.”

there is more but this is already way too long lmao

[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[skinks]

i can't remember if it was one of your posts or someone else's where the losers all grew their foreskins back and running to the bathroom to check but it's been living rent free in my head and all i can think of is them all whipping it out being like wtf and then someone (eddie) looks over and is like "holy fuck rich why is your dick so massive literally who gave you the right" and then eddie has a little internal crisis of 'if i wasn't gay b4 i am now'

YEAAAH LMAO THAT WAS ME thank you and also sorry it’s stuck in your head, it’s such a dumb idea but it still makes me laugh.

If the Derry Magic™ canonically reverses Richie’s vasectomy and heals their scars etc. I think it’d be a cool concept if it started to heal... well, everything, once they’re back inside city limits. I’m actually writing a weird ficlet about that idea that’s currently sitting half-baked in my drafts, but back to Foreskins 2: 2Old 4Skin

All the Losers with dicks (aside from Mike since he never left Derry) start shifting in their seats at the Jade and looking down at their laps, alarmed. Given the time period and the fact that it’s... the USA, I’m guessing most of them would be circumcised, so I can only imagine how unusual it would be to feel yourself regrowing a turtleneck. 

But Joe, I hear you cry, if they were circumcised as newborns why is it only growing back now instead of in the <18 years they were in Derry the first place? And if they’re all circumcised why are Bill/Richie/Eddie all so amused at the prospect of Stanley having “the tip of his dick” chopped off at the start of It (2017)?

What do I look like, someone who’s gonna let conflicting meta get in the way of my own conflicting foreskin headcanons? Get outta here!

Anyway, eventually it all gets too weird. Ben can feel a faint pinching that he, quite honestly, hates. They blurt some excuse to Beverly and make a mad dash for the bathroom, trying not to clutch the fronts of their pants like Richie made one joke too funny and there was a collective accident. A Titanic situation. Richie’s trying to think of a joke about this on the move but to be honest his dick feels like it’s growing or something, and ironically he can’t think of a goddamn thing to say.

They’re all waddling. Mike sighs and stands to follow them. “I thought this might happen.”

“Are you guys gonna have some No Girls Allowed meeting without me? Rich and Eddie were already doing enough dick measuring out here, this is bullshit,” Bev says, but Mike is gone. She drinks his beer as revenge.

Any and all dick measuring is happening purely on a visual level, amongst all the panicking and whisper-yelling (whisper-screaming) and vaguely horrified examination going on in the bathroom. Eddie’s had a little too much to drink to stop himself from whisper-hissing his outrage at the size of Richie’s big fucking dick (at least, he thinks later, his stunned disbelief covered his outrage at the fact that Richie wouldn’t even look at Eddie’s dick back, not even to make light of the size difference, the disappointment surrounding it something he’s not yet willing to face.)

When things fail to calm down and they’ve driven 3 other restaurant patrons right out of the bathroom and Mike has been whisper-shouted at four separate times and bullied into showing his own dick, Bill finally puts on his Big Bill Leader Hat and tries to see reason. It’s with a strange sinking feeling that he realises Mike was simply waiting for him to do so, from the pleased smile on his tired face. 

Bill’s not sure he’s looking forward to any situation that might mean he has to lead these strangers again. They’re not kids anymore. Look at their dicks! But this, at least, he can manage. “Wait, shut up - R-Richie shut up, stop pulling at it! This might not all be so b-bad, y’know? Audra - I mean, I h-heard. I read they’re... t-they can make sex, uh. Better. Way better. Easier, for everyone. That’s something, at least? Right?” He looks around, a little desperately.

It takes a few tries for Ben to zip his jeans back up with shaking hands. Eddie looks like he’s about to cry. Mike is beaming around, proudly, at everyone’s newly-cozy dicks.

“That’s fucking fantastic,” Richie says, waving his dick angrily at Bill. It’s a lot more arresting than shaking a finger, Bill will admit. “Just great, Billy - ignoring the completely insane fact that all four of us just spontaneously grew ourselves some fancy little dicksleeves outta nowhere like - Jesus Christ, what is this, the Chinese place from Freaky Friday? Did those fortune cookies swap us into exact copies of our own bodies, hold the mayo, extra pastrami? Do I look like either Jamie Lee Curtis or Lindsay fucking Lohan to you? Did Lindsay fucking Lohan grow a dick like this in that movie?”

“I don’t think anyone has a dick like that,” Eddie mumbles.

“I didn’t see that movie,” Bill says.

“That’s not the point,” Richie says. His dick waves in his fist like a sign language interpreter at the bottom of the screen helping Richie to deliver his tirade. The mirror spans the wall over the sinks, so even when Bill tries to avert his eyes he still fears having them poked out. He stares up at the water-stained ceiling tiles instead. “The point is, you want us all to be cool as cucumbers with little fucking scarves about this totally fucked up, creepy, Cronenberg bullshit because your wife fucked a British dude one time and told you to your face that it was better?!”

Bill frowns, raising his hands. “Well. I d-don’t think that’s w-w-what-”

“Do I seem,” Richie continues, looking extremely frazzled, “like someone confident enough in his sex life that re-learning the ropes at 40 fucking years old is gonna be a piece of cake?! Jesus Christ! I don’t know what to do with this thing!” Another man pushes open the bathroom door, takes one look at them, and walks straight back out. Richie curses under his breath and zips up too, Eddie following his lead, until Bill is the only one standing there with his dick out. 

Something about the situation feels vaguely familiar, Bill thinks, with a phantom ache in his cheekbone. 

Richie flails with the pockets of his jacket. “Zero times foreskin is still zero, Bill!”

With that and without washing his hands, Richie stomps out of the bathroom, head ducked, the back of his neck bright pink. Eddie hastily finishes washing his own hands and scurries after him, seething again. “I knew it! I fucking knew it!”