#llc brain

[mostlysignssomeportents]

'We buy ugly houses' is code for 'we steal vulnerable peoples' homes'

Tonight (May 11) at 7PM, I’m in CALGARY for Wordfest, with my novel Red Team Blues; I’ll be hosted by Peter Hemminger at the Memorial Park Library, 2nd Floor.

Home ownership is the American dream: not only do you get a place to live, free from the high-handed dictates of a landlord, but you also get an asset that appreciates, building intergenerational wealth while you sleep — literally.

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/11/ugly-houses-ugly-truth/#homevestor

Of course, you can’t have it both ways. If your house is an asset you use to cover falling wages, rising health care costs, spiraling college tuition and paper-thin support for eldercare, then it can’t be a place you live. It’s gonna be an asset you sell — or at the very least, borrow so heavily against that you are in constant risk of losing it.

This is the contradiction at the heart of the American dream: when America turned its back on organized labor as an engine for creating prosperity and embraced property speculation, it set itself on the road to serfdom — a world where the roof over your head is also your piggy bank, destined to be smashed open to cover the rising costs that an organized labor movement would have fought:

https://gen.medium.com/the-rents-too-damned-high-520f958d5ec5

Today, we’re hit the end of the road for the post-war (unevenly, racially segregated) shared prosperity that made it seem, briefly, that everyone could get rich by owning a house, living in it, then selling it to everybody else. Now that the game is ending, the winners are cashing in their chips:

https://doctorow.medium.com/the-end-of-the-road-to-serfdom-bfad6f3b35a9

The big con of home ownership is proceeding smartly on schedulee. First, you let the mark win a little, so they go all in on the scam. Then you take it all back. Obama’s tolerance of bank sleze after the Great Financial Crisis kicked off the modern era of corporations and grifters stealing Americans’ out from under them, forging deeds in robosigning mills:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/us-breaks-down-93-bln-robo-signing-settlement-2013-02-28

The thefts never stopped. Today on Propublica, by Anjeanette Damon, Byard Duncan and Mollie Simon bring a horrifying, brilliantly reported account of the rampant, bottomless scams of Homevestors, AKA We Buy Ugly Houses, AKA “the #1 homebuyer in the USA”:

https://www.propublica.org/article/ugly-truth-behind-we-buy-ugly-houses

Homevestors — an army of the hedge fund Bayview Asset Management — claims a public mission: to bail out homeowners sitting on unsellable houses with all-cash deals. The company’s franchisees — 1,150 of them in 48 states — then sprinkle pixie dust and secret sauce on these “ugly houses” and sell them at a profit.

But Propublica’s investigation — which relied on whistleblowers, company veterans, court records and interviews with victims — tells a very different story. The Homevestor they discovered is a predator that steals houses out from under elderly people, disabled people, people struggling with mental illness and other vulnerable people. It’s a company whose agents have a powerful, well-polished playbook that stops family members from halting the transfers the company’s high-pressure salespeople set in motion.

Propublica reveals homeowners with advanced dementia who signed their shaky signatures to transfers that same their homes sold out from under them for a fraction of their market value. They show how Homevestor targets neighborhoods struck by hurricanes, or whose owners are recently divorced, or sick. One whistleblower tells of how the company uses the surveillance advertising industry to locate elderly people who’ve broken a hip: “a 60-day countdown to death — and, possibly, a deal.” The company’s mobile ads are geofenced to target people near hospitals and rehab hospitals, in hopes of finding desperate sellers who need to liquidate homes so that Medicaid will cover their medical expenses.

The sales pitches are relentless. One of Homevestor’s targets was a Texas woman whose father had recently been murdered. As she grieved, they blanketed her in pitches to sell her father’s house until “checking her mail became a traumatic experience.”

Real-estate brokers are bound by strict regulations, but not house flippers like Homevestors. Likewise, salespeople who pitch other high-ticket items, from securities to plane tickets — are required to offer buyers a cooling-off period during which they can reconsider their purchases. By contrast, Homevestors’ franchisees are well-versed in “muddying the title” to houses after the contract is signed, filing paperwork that makes it all but impossible for sellers to withdraw from the sale.

This produces a litany of ghastly horror-stories: homeowners who end up living in their trucks after they were pressured into a lowball sales; sellers who end up dying in hospital beds haunted by the trick that cost them their homes. One woman who struggled with hoarding was tricked into selling her house by false claims that the city would evict her because of her hoarding. A widow was tricked into signing away the deed to her late husband’s house by the lie that she could do so despite not being on the deed. One seller was tricked into signing a document he believed to be a home equity loan application, only to discover he had sold his house at a huge discount on its market value. An Arizona woman was tricked into selling her dead mother’s house through the lie that the house would have to be torn down and the lot redeveloped; the Homevestor franchisee then flipped the house for 5,500% of the sale-price.

The company vigorously denies these claims. They say that most people who do business with Homevestors are happy with the outcome; in support of this claim, they cite internal surveys of their own customers that produce a 96% approval rating.

When confronted with the specifics, the company blamed rogue franchisees. But Propublica obtained training materials and other internal documents that show that the problem is widespread and endemic to Homevestors’ business. Propublica discovered that at least eight franchisees who engaged in conduct the company said it “didn’t tolerate” had been awarded prizes by the company for their business acumen.

Franchisees are on the hook for massive recurring fees and face constant pressure from corporate auditors to close sales. To make those sales, franchisees turn to Homevana’s training materials, which are rife with predatory tactics. One document counsels franchisees that “pain is always a form of motivation.” What kind of pain? Lost jobs, looming foreclosure or a child in need of surgery.

A former franchisee explained how this is put into practice in the field: he encountered a seller who needed to sell quickly so he could join his dying mother who had just entered a hospice 1,400 miles away. The seller didn’t want to sell the house; they wanted to “get to Colorado to see their dying mother.”

These same training materials warn franchisees that they must not deal with sellers who are “subject to a guardianship or has a mental capacity that is diminished to the point that the person does not understand the value of the property,” but Propublica’s investigation discovered “a pattern of disregard” for this rule. For example, there was the 2020 incident in which a 78-year-old Atlanta man sold his house to a Homevestors franchisee for half its sale price. The seller was later shown to be “unable to write a sentence or name the year, season, date or month.”

The company tried to pin the blame for all this on bad eggs among its franchisees. But Propublica found that some of the company’s most egregious offenders were celebrated and tolerated before and after they were convicted of felonies related to their conduct on behalf of the company. For example, Hi-Land Properties is a five-time winner of Homevestors’ National Franchise of the Year prize. The owner was praised by the CEO as “loyal, hardworking franchisee who has well represented our national brand, best practices and values.”

This same franchisee had “filed two dozen breach of contract lawsuits since 2016 and clouded titles on more than 300 properties by recording notices of a sales contract.” Hi-Land “sued an elderly man so incapacitated by illness he couldn’t leave his house.”

Another franchisee, Patriot Holdings, uses the courts aggressively to stop families of vulnerable people from canceling deals their relatives signed. Patriot Holdings’ co-owner, Cory Evans, eventually pleaded guilty to to two felonies, attempted grand theft of real property. He had to drop his lawsuits against buyers, and make restitution.

According to Homevestors’ internal policies, Patriot’s franchise should have been canceled. But Homevestors allowed Patriot to stay in business after Cory Evans took his name off the business, leaving his brothers and other partners to run it. Nominally, Cory Evans was out of the picture, but well after that date, internal Homevestors included Evans in an award it gave to Patriot, commemorating its sales (Homevestors claims this was an error).

Propublica’s reporters sought comment from Homevestors and its franchisees about this story. The company hired “a former FBI spokesperson who specializes in ‘crisis and special situations’ and ‘reputation management’ and funnelled future questions through him.”

Internally, company leadership scrambled to control the news. The company convened a webinar in April with all 1,150 franchisees to lay out its strategy. Company CEO David Hicks explained the company’s plan to “bury” the Propublica article with “‘strategic ad buys on social and web pages’ and ‘SEO content to minimize visibility.’”

https://www.propublica.org/article/homevestors-aims-to-bury-propublica-reporting

Franchisees were warned not to click links to the story because they “might improve its internet search ranking.”

Even as the company sought to “bury” the story and stonewalled Propublica, they cleaned house, instituting new procedures and taking action against franchisees identified in Propublica’s article. “Clouding titles” is now prohibited. Suing sellers for breach of contract is “discouraged.” Deals with seniors “should always involve family, attorneys or other guardians.”

During the webinar, franchisees “pushed back on the changes, claiming they could hurt business.”

If you’ve had experience with hard-sell house-flippers, Propublica wants to know: “If you’ve had experience with a company or buyer promising fast cash for homes, our reporting team wants to hear about it.”

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

[Image ID: A Depression-era photo of a dour widow standing in front of a dilapidated cabin. Next to her is Ug, the caveman mascot for Homevestors, smiling and pointing at her. Behind her is a 'We buy ugly houses' sign.

Image: Homevestors https://www.homevestors.com/

Fair use: https://www.eff.org/issues/intellectual-property

[dailyfigures]

Bashing and hating on petite grown women and the people who love them doesn't help kids. You just really hate non large breasted women. Here's your award ig. 💕

Love that body positivity only means plus sized, we hate petite women. I hate myself more because of these communities tbh.

Have fun spreading misogyny.🩷

is this satire. is this bait. am i being pranked. how in god's green earth did you see me saying i don't like loli figures that are intentionally made to look very young for men who are into that, and somehow felt like i was talking about you. what's next? am i fatphobic if i don't like feeder fetish content? am i lesbophobic if i don't like lesbian porn made for men? am i racist if i don't like blackface? this has to be bait oh my god 😭😭😭

i could take this seriously and make a point about how (petite) asian women face a lot of abuse from men who infantilise them and don't see them as real people but instead as some fucking anime/hentai waifu, and how normalising loli content is actually not very helpful for those women (shocker!) but you seem like such an expert on feminism already that i'm sure it would be wasted on you. also sorry you hate yourself because some people don't enjoy drawings of naked kids!

[dailyfigurespersonal]

hi youre my favorite figure blog so i HAVE to share this absolute fucking weirdo i just found on mfc like when i saw their comment it genuinely made my face go 😦 irl. so in the "curse of saya" thread (which isnt a topic i care about i was just being nosy, people keep throwing a fit about posers/"tourists" getting into their favorite vn or whatever basically) and i cant see the original comment anymore cause i blocked them but someone DEADASS just started talking about how "the malice towards tourists is justified, just like racism" https://myfigurecollection.net/?_tb=thread&mode=view&threadId=20826&page=3#c-131725461 (the "justin" person) ive only used the site to track my figures before and. i dont think ill go snooping through the threads again anytime soon

yeah mfc do be like that. i'm too tired of it to really even have a reaction to it like that place is just truly hopeless and it's what i've come to expect from there. this reminds me of whenever the loli debate comes up and someone uses the oppression of lgbt people as a "gotcha!" like....."you should be against laws that prevent the import of loli content because before you know it your stupid little gay human rights will be gone and you can't look at your little gay figures anymore hehehe". really telling if someone thinks the worst that can happen to a person is not allowed figures to be imported. white cishet male lolicon freaks do be projecting huh

[charmac]

X

[superfluouskeys]

typical exam day bs, my brain while sleeping managed to fixate on one really irrelevant question and i woke up like girl this is why professors don't answer questions within 24 hours before the exam it's all made up nonsense at that point

[bdkinz]

Book Notes # 2 - How Enlightenment Changes Your Brain Chapter 2

We will continue with our Book Notes series with a few ideas from Chapter 2 of How Enlightenment Changes Your Brain, by Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman. (see here for the first post) What is Enlightenment Our authors start the chapter with a series of words people have used to try and describe the term Enlightenment. Knowledge – Gnosis – Wisdom – Science – Reason – Oneness – Unity…

[zhukzubast]

penultimate

4/5 (part 1, part 2, part 3)

Rick C-137

There's our guy!

As the only Rick in this series who's still alive and well(?), C-137 is getting the honour of being the focal point of the art.

As for the moment depicted: it's canon that our Rick has this train, and that Evil Morty was somehow, unbelievably, included within the "classic Rick & Morty adventure" package. Just imagine, Citadel heard about a Morty gone rogue, with an eyepatch that controls Ricks, potentially mixed in among their ranks at that very moment - making him possibly the biggest threat to their society since its inception - and went "that's a baller toy idea" then apparently didn't improve any security measures whatsoever! I'm not saying they had it coming, but they didn't not have it coming.

(i wonder if Citadel Toyz LLC got the info on Evil Morty from an investigation team that had discovered the discarded eyepatch, or from C-137 himself who put the pieces together and tried to warn the Citadel, but like… didn't try that hard. I wonder if Evil Morty's existence had been common knowledge on the Citadel before his takeover, a boogeyman hiding in the shadows, or if only a select few knew.)

Back to C-137, how much of his brainspace do you think Evil Morty has been occupying since Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind? When he was invited to dine with the Morty President, he seemed to expect the reveal since before he even saw him.

And how much brainspace do you think Evil Morty has allocated to Rick C-137? To Ricks in general? He has a whole-ass directory of them compiled, sorted by evil-ness. He knows them well enough to predict most of their moves. It's almost like he's obsessed. And C-137, boy if he didn't hunt him down specifically, twice. It was definitely out of pragmatic motives, since this Rick had the knowledge he needed to break through the CFC, but were there other motives as well? After all, he did eventually go on to say that our Rick was "a little different" and that he could "maybe use it someday", and in the language of emotionally constipated assholes that could mean "I think you're ok" and "maybe we can hang out again someday".

By their second face-to-face interaction these two have somehow managed to establish a ridiculous amount of rapport. They fall together like puzzle pieces: collaborate on tinkering with gadgets, synchronize their fighting styles, bicker like they've been at it their whole lives. They even have a running gag going, with Rick shooting Evil Morty's forcefield seemingly for no other reason than to annoy him. And yet for most of their time together C-137 acts like he can't wait to be rid of Evil Morty again (though he very curiously doesn't support his Morty's idea of getting rid of the guy permanently).

Do you think it bothers C-137 that he sees himself in Evil Morty? The Rickest Morty, doing whatever he can to escape the rotten hand he had been dealt, to wrench back control of his own life no matter the cost - such a very Rick thing to do. Or is it worse that he sees bits and pieces of Evil Morty in Morty Prime? His "little buddy" has been sick of him not once and not twice before, so who knows how long it'll be until he wakes up with a control chip in his brain. Or perhaps it's the other way around. Perhaps the most unpalatable thing about Evil Morty is all the bits and pieces of his own Morty that he sees in him. That the only guy with a Rick body count to potentially rival his own is a version of his-not-his grandson, and that at the end of the day, despite everything, he can't help but care. That he might not be able to take the shot unless he knows the shields are up.

[justabrick]

"Say you bring this whole place down, waltz outta the rubble with all these precious brains... Nothing changes. All the guys in charge are long gone. And we've got offices 'round the world."

I'm in an analytical mood again, so bear with me.

All the guys in charge are long gone.

Isn't it curious that Sundowner is implicitly excluding himself from 'those in charge'?

How much power over what's happening does he actually have?

It's all speculation, naturally, but I think it's possible to fill the gaps based on some other topics explained in decent detail in CODEC calls. Namely: Desperado, World Marshal and operation Tecumseh. And a little general cyborg info. So, operation Tecumseh – a false-flag operation planned by Steven Armstrong to ensure the revitalization of the war economy and his subsequent election, giving him free rein to reorganize America as a "survival of the fittest" society. Raiden and Maverick deduced that it involved President Hamilton's visit to the Shabhazabad region of Pakistan, and assassinating the President while making it seem as though Pakistani rebels were responsible for the assassination. And Desperado existed only to become the perfect scapegoat in this plan. Why I think that? First, reputation. It's as if Desperado LLC is purposefully trying to present itself as overtly evil to the public, it's aknowledged several times throughout the game.

What a name it is indeed. Quoting a dictinary: "A desperado is someone who does illegal, violent things without worrying about the danger." And the listed synonyms are: criminal, thug, outlaw, villain. Lovely. It's like writing "I'M EVIL" across your forehead. And speaking of exactly that. Agressive branding. We get to see three PMC's in action throughout the course of MGR's plot: Maverick, World Marshal, Desperado. Of all three of them Desperado marks their property the loudest. Raiden doesn't have Maverick's logo anywhere on his body, believe me, I've scoured all of his shiny metal ass for it. Regular Maverick soldiers from the prologue don't have the horse head anywhere on them either, neither do their vehicles. Only Gemini have these cute, easily missable pins on their jackets.

And I don't think I've seen World Marshal's logo on any of the enemies we fight, both their soldiers and and their UG's seem very "default" in that regard. Meanwhile Desperado:

(render by Yare-Yare-Dong) Especially prominent on Excelsus, a humongous advertisement for Desperado's involvement in the assassination, a good half of the final fight takes place on a giant Desperado logo.

Even the Winds themselves are branded like cattle, right on their chassis loud and clear.

All this to say is that they're advertising themselves as thugs and seem to be actively chasing publicity for it. No wonder, such reputation would make them a very convenient and believable target to pin the blame on. Why look deeper into it and try to find a potential secret third party behind them if this PMC already has an established history of extreme behavior? You'd think it would be pretty difficult to start out and grow with such presentation and their preferred clients being... fringe groups to say the least. That brings me to the idea that Desperado was never truly independent, and was always nothing but Armstrong's tool. Just a couple highlights to suggest how much money they must be getting from him. Quoting Kevin: "Of all registered PMC troops, we're still talkin', what, 3% have enhancements? Maybe 5%, tops? (...) Plus the surgery is highly specialized -- expensive as hell. Not to mention maintenance costs after that." Desperado is majority cyborgs. Imagine the costs. And the cherry on top - EXSELSUS. Boris: "I know Desperado makes good money, but this is not a thing thugs like that could purchase."

But even if they did start out independent it doesn't really matter, since with the amount of money Armstrong invested in them, his fist is so deep up Desperado's ass that he can use it like a Muppet. Seems Kev thinks the same: "Probably, given Desperado and World Marshal are basically one and the same. Careful down there..." There is no way Desperado could have continued to exist after Tecumseh. They're an american organization involved in an attempt on POTUS's life, they'd be torn apart immediately at the very beginning of the "war on terror" that Armstrong planned. The only possible excuse they could have used, as Raiden told Courtney, is to claim that their client set them up. But... That would never work with their track record of international terrorism and a history of assassinating high ranking politicians like N'Mani. And after all this exposition, let's circle back to the original question.

How much power over what's happening does Sundowner actually have? Chief Operating Officer of Desperado Enforcement LLC... sounds pretty nice if you don't think about it too much. Now let me put it more... idk, truthfully. De facto leader of a terrorist group that tried to kill the President. Scapegoat to end all scapegoats, eh? Especially with his colorful history of investigations for atrocities like torture and desecration of remains.

And Armstrong absolutely did intend for him to die as a result of Tecumseh. Don't believe me? Look.

What is Desperado? Lawless gang. And Sundowner - an extremist and a madman. Yeah. And when I'm calling him a scapegoat I'm not implying that he's innocent at all, dude's a monster. However! However. The real force behind the entire plan is undeniably Armstrong and World Marshal, NOT Sundowner and Desperado. Sundowner doesn't even believe in Armstrong's dream to be honest. None of the Desperado bosses we fight do, for that matter, but it's a topic I'll elaborate on in some other obnoxiously wordy post. Senator wants a future where everyone is free to fight their own wars, to fight for what they believe in. Does Sundowner personally fight for some kind of grand ideal? Well I guess he wants to see the return of war economy, but not to bring his country prosperity or anything, no no no. He wants war for the sake of war, just because that's what he loves, and what he thrives in. Sundowner is consumed by bloodlust, and the specifics of the cause that allow him to feed it don't matter all that much. Another proof is that he doesn't really care about the cause is that he yaps about Tecumseh to Raiden. First time in the server room can be chalked up to overconfidence (though I doubt it), but he actually answers Raiden's question on what's gonna happen in his last CODEC call, essentially sabotaging the entire mission by giving Jack a lead to follow. Could have kept his trap shut and Senator would have gotten what he wanted. But what about the quote "Even at mach two you wouldn't make it!" tho? Well I have a couple thoughts, they have to do with Sam.

So, Monsoon sent him to go "report to the chief." Safe to assume he went up to the server room, and him and Sundowner discussed what to do next. Ever wondered how Sam got to the spot his duel with Raiden takes place? Well there's this one easy to miss CODEC with Wolf in file 6: "Raiden: A World Marshal helicopter crashed in this vicinity earlier. It was en route to deliver a cache of cyborg repair materials. Should you locate any conspicuous crates, cut them open. See what is inside." Obviously his bike is still parked in Denver and I sincerely doubt Jetstream rawdogged it almost all the way to Solis on his own two legs, so that crashed helicopter is likely to have been his transport.

Server room is directly connected to the roof and helipad, Sundowner must have been the one who specifically sent him off to Solis. He is Sam's direct superior, let's not forget that. One of CODECs once you arrive at Pakistan: "Still, they've got to know I'm here. Sam was smart enough to figure out I'd take that launch vehicle." Idk if it's just Sam himself who figured it out, to be honest. Sundowner is shown to know a whole lot about Raiden, child soldier training, his experience with VR, the Patriots – it's reasonable to think he'd know of his connections in Solis as well.

So yes, I believe Sundowner purposely sabotaged Armstrong there. He's a lot of things, but he ain't stupid.

On the topic of sabotage, the way he was "defending" the HQ as Raiden advanced up the building is quite something. Not feeling like booting up the game to get the screenshots, but if you look up at HQ in the beginning of file 5, the building is utterly shagged. The only structural damage Jack himself caused I can think of is slicing up the helipad and everything else is basically Sundowner ordering the security to bomb the hell out of their own skyscraper.

And I see why he'd do that. It's logical to grow resentful of the company and the man that's setting you up to either get thrown in prison or killed as part of their plan. He can't not know that it's the fate that awaits him, he's aware what Tecumseh entails and he knows that all the blame will be pinned on him. So he might as well make his swan song as bombastic and destructive as possible.

There's also a big chance that he's actually indentured to World Marshal much like a lot of it's contractors, and that tie is likely to be stronger than the average cyborg's, because custom chassis are EXPENSIVE. I personally interpret the way he became involved with Desperado and by extension World Marshal as Armstrong plucking him out of some metaphorical ditch and offering him a way to escape the crippled potato life he was forced into after his run-in with an IED. It's not a charity though, and the price is what I was talking about above.

That would also explain why he's such a good sport about losing to Raiden. He must have lived with the knowledge of the exact date his life would end, either literally or by being dragged into court, so he's already made his peace with it. The other Winds seem to have done so too, judging by resignation in their last words. Not Khamsin though, that dumbass was definitely in the dark and it shows.

So in conclusion, does Sundower have power? Over day to day operations of Desperado – yes, over his own fate – ha. Haha. No. In the grand scheme of things his death does not matter. All actual strategic decisions are made by Armstrong and other "guys in charge" whoever they may be, meanwhile Sundowner is just a figurehead to pin their actions on.

At least Raiden gave him the death he would have wanted. It is flattering to fall to the state of the art cyborg who suplexed a Metal Gear. But that's just my speculation. I hope there are some interesting thoughts to find here even if you don't agree with the overall picture.

[judasgot-it]

Dad! Jouno headcanons...

He just looks like a stressed as hell father here. Someone help him.

Before ->

To be totally honest, I don't think Jouno would ever plan to be a father. He would never plan to be one simply because he is completely aware of how horrible of a person he is

Why would he bring someone into the world who could be exactly like him? Or worse, he would end up being a horrible parent?

He would just avoid any topic about it.

So parenthood is 100% an accident. Also, this guy would probably try to convince his gf to get an abortion at some point, cause he probably thinks he would make a child that's just that horrible

I feel like the best chance of him becoming a parent would be him not knowing about it when he got arrested and was forced into being a hunting dog. Can't tell your gf to abort when you're in jail ig. Also now he is legally obligated to pay child support. GOTTEM!

Personal theory tho.

He probably wouldn't be jumping for joy at the thought of parenthood tbh. If anything, he is freaking out. I feel like he's in between denial and freaking out. Probably gave some weird rant about the government.

During pregnancy ->

If he's miraculously there (I think the last part is more plausible. This would be his #felonera) then he would be stressed as hell

Dude knows that it's inevitable (unless he throws her down the stairs. or smothers the baby. He probably thinks some weird shit it's Jouno sorry) so now he has to prepare for a very near future of being a father

He can't have sex for what might be the next few years. He has to learn how to take care of a baby. He's made Tecchou-like food combo's now. His life is hell.

Jouno I think would only be dramatic for a month and then get over it quickly -> he has two people relying on him now. Even past his kid being born, he will inevitably have to take care of his baby mom for a while after and will have to provide. Like a dad.

He probably loves the attention and the title it gives him. Probably starts owning it and is thinking 'yeah, actually, I'm going to be an awesome dad' because he gets brownie points for doing the bare minimum as a man

Dude would be kinda ridiculous and do lots of shit just so he can get praise. He's going to be a great dad, so yea, ofc he's going to buy weird useless shit no one would actually use. It's what good dad's do (he's not even pregnant and is suffering from baby brain I think)

Is probably terrified of touching his gf because he is more than aware that his child is in there and it unnerves him. Probably is super freakish about the most random shit, like drinking coffee or going up and down stairs since he can hear whats going on.

His normal level of anxiety goes through the roof during this time. I feel like they won't ever go back down again.

During the birth he would probably be supportive although I think the sounds and smells would be so horrific for him that he would vomit and be kicked out by nursing staff

I feel like the birth was so bad for him to hear (sensitive hearing would be terrible. and smell) that he would be crying as if he pushed a baby out of his hole

Raising that Child (early years) ->

The early years are the worst for him. He still is in a stage between "I want to be a good dad" and "I'm a horrible person I literally have fucking killed people. He doesn't know I have killed people and enjoyed it"

Would have this crisis with a literal baby btw. Probably has full on very serious conversations with his kid about morality when his kid still drinks from the tit

I don't think he'd enjoy being around his kid fully until he starts actually forming full thoughts. Obviously, he loves him, but he enjoys weird kid questions much more than a baby who shits himself

Eggs him on too, tries to make him think until his brain hurts. He thinks it's funny, making a seven-year-old wrap his head around the concept of global shipping and LLCs.

He wouldn't give his kid normal child entertainment. It's all educational and weird shit. Also is very picky about their toys, he's basically a beige mom but its about noises and smells. NEVER give his kid something like slime, he'll go insane.

I think he's 100% the 'bad cop' parent because he would have a lot of rules that a little kid wouldn't get. I feel like the other Hunting Dogs would get on his ass about it

I think Jouno probably worries a lot about giving his kid a good childhood since I doubt his was good - he was alive during the great war as a kid, he turned into a criminal, and he's an ability user. not the best circumstances.

100% has been forced to bring his kid to his job, but he doesn't actually introduce him to any of his actual duties. Torturing? He can't know about that.

Jouno lets his kid hang out with his colleagues -> probably Tachihara, who I think would play the best 'uncle' role out of all of them

Later years ->

Personally, I think Jouno would have a son, but I don't think its a curse. I think it would actually be a sort of blessing, because Jouno was probably a lot nicer of a person before whatever fucked up shit happened that made him the way he is now.

Mentioning this cause I think his son would probably be a direct reflection of who he could have been -> more happy and carefree, and less on the offensive about everything

So when his kid gets older, Jouno is probably some weird guy who tries to tell his kid everything he 'wished he knew at that age'

Probably got his son to have a sex talk from one of the hunting dogs doctors. it was a traumatic bonding experience for the both of them.

He definitely fake kidnapped his kid like 3 times in case something happened. Jouno is a super soldier, but his son is not. He needs to learn how to stab people.

Gave his son a gun/knife. Insists he brings it school, no he does not care if it's against the rules - he literally is the law. His son is also a target, so it is necessary in his eyes.

God please someone stop him he thinks someone is going to murder his son every second of every day

I'm pretty sure his son is some dweeb that Jouno is almost jealous of - like he never got the opportunity to be a dork who cries about homework. he was too busy killing people in his gang at that age

Jouno definitely drops the most insane dad lore. "I killed werewolves in Kenya once" while in the middle of a PTA meeting

Worst PTA mom btw. He WILL interrogate his sons teachers and pull up their records, he is the worst parent. He really shouldn't be allowed there actually

Is a lot nicer to his kid when his son is older.

He isn't his 'best friend' but he tries to do everything he can to be a good dad -> he lives everyday thinking that it'd be his last one with his family, so he tries not to leave with a bad impression

Jouno probably lies awake at night with the thought of what his last words could be to his family

The bitchy teen years would be the worst cause Jouno would probably have the best comebacks, so any sort of argument would be shot down immediately.

i dont think he lets arguments fly at dinner. If he's even there. He would be very busy, so I think his schedule would be erratic. Although I think his son would be the same and stay up at 3 am and get a lecture from him

The hunting dogs all try to teach his son about basic things like shooting and self-defense -> Teruko definitely shot at him once or twice so he knows how to avoid an assassination attempt.

Was actually really proud that his son graduated from school and is a relatively normal member of society. He never even killed someone, that's a high achievement!

[mariacallous]

A young technologist known online as “Big Balls,��� who works for Elon Musk's so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), has access to sensitive US government systems. But his professional and online history call into question whether he would pass the background check typically required to obtain security clearances, security experts tell WIRED.

Edward Coristine, a 19-year-old high school graduate, established at least five different companies in the last four years, with entities registered in Connecticut, Delaware, and the United Kingdom, most of which were not listed on his now-deleted LinkedIn profile. Coristine also briefly worked in 2022 at Path Network, a network monitoring firm known for hiring reformed black-hat hackers. Someone using a Telegram handle tied to Coristine also solicited a cyberattack-for-hire service later that year.

Coristine did not respond to multiple requests for comment.

One of the companies Coristine founded, Tesla.Sexy LLC, was set up in 2021, when he would have been around 16 years old. Coristine is listed as the founder and CEO of the company, according to business records reviewed by WIRED.

Tesla.Sexy LLC controls dozens of web domains, including at least two Russian-registered domains. One of those domains, which is still active, offers a service called Helfie, which is an AI bot for Discord servers targeting the Russian market.While the operation of a Russian website would not violate US sanctions preventing Americans doing business with Russian companies, it could potentially be a factor in a security clearance review.

"Foreign connections, whether it's foreign contacts with friends or domain names registered in foreign countries, would be flagged by any agency during the security investigation process," Joseph Shelzi, a former US Army intelligence officer who held security clearance for a decade and managed the security clearance of other units under his command, tells WIRED.

A longtime former US intelligence analyst, who requested anonymity to speak on sensitive topics, agrees. “There's little chance that he could have passed a background check for privileged access to government systems,” they allege.

Another domain under Coristine’s control is faster.pw. The website is currently inactive, but an archived version from October 25, 2022 shows content in Chinese that stated the service helped provide “multiple encrypted cross-border networks.”

Prior to joining DOGE, Coristine worked for several months of 2024 at Elon Musk’s Neuralink brain implant startup, and, as WIRED previously reported, is now listed in Office of Personnel Management records as an “expert” at that agency, which oversees personnel matters for the federal government. Employees of the General Services Administration say he also joined calls where they were made to justify their jobs and to review code they’ve written.

Other elements of Coristine’s personal record reviewed by WIRED, government security experts say, would also raise questions about obtaining security clearances necessary to access privileged government data. These same experts further wonder about the vetting process for DOGE staff—and, given Coristine’s history, whether he underwent any such background check.

The White House did not immediately respond to questions about what level of clearance, if any, Corisitine has, and if so, how it was granted.

At Path Network, Coristine worked as a systems engineer from April to June of 2022, according to his now-deleted LinkedIn resume. Path has at times listed as employees Eric Taylor, also known as Cosmo the God, a well-known former cybercriminal and member of the hacker group UGNazis, as well as Matthew Flannery, an Australian convicted hacker whom police allege was a member of the hacker group LulzSec. It’s unclear whether Coristine worked at Path concurrently with those hackers, and WIRED found no evidence that either Coristine or other Path employees engaged in illegal activity while at the company.

“If I was doing the background investigation on him, I would probably have recommended against hiring him for the work he’s doing,” says EJ Hilbert, a former FBI agent who also briefly served as the CEO of Path Network prior to Coristine’s employment there. “I’m not opposed to the idea of cleaning up the government. But I am questioning the people that are doing it.”

Potential concerns about Coristine extend beyond his work history. Archived Telegram messages shared with WIRED show that, in November 2022, a person using the handle “JoeyCrafter” posted to a Telegram channel focused on so-called distributed denial of service, or DDOS, cyberattacks that bombard victim sites with junk traffic to knock them offline. In his messages, JoeyCrafter—which records from Discord, Telegram, and the networking protocol BGP indicate was a handle used by Coristine—writes that he’s “looking for a capable, powerful and reliable L7” that accepts Bitcoin payments. That line, in the context of a DDOS-for-hire Telegram channel, suggests he was looking for someone who could carry out a layer 7 attack, a certain form of DDOS. A DDOS-for-hire service with the name Dstat.cc was seized in a multi-national law enforcement operation last year.

The JoeyCrafter Telegram account had previously used the name “Rivage,” a name linked to Coristine on Discord and at Path, according to Path internal communications shared with WIRED. Both the Rivage Discord and Telegram accounts at times promoted Coristine’s DiamondCDN startup. It’s not clear whether the JoeyCrafter message was followed by an actual DDOS attack. (In the internal messages among Path staff, a question is asked about Rivage, at which point an individual clarifies they are speaking about "Edward".)

"It does depend on which government agency is sponsoring your security clearance request, but everything that you've just mentioned would absolutely raise red flags during the investigative process," Shelzi, the former US Army intelligence officer says. He adds that a secret security clearance could be completed in as little as 50 days while a top secret security clearance could take anywhere from 90 days to a year to complete.

Coristine’s online history, including a LinkedIn account where he calls himself Big Balls, has disappeared recently. He also previously used an account on X with the username @edwardbigballer. The account had a bio that read: “Technology. Arsenal. Golden State Warriors. Space Travel.”

Prior to using the @edwardbigballer username, Coristine was linked to an account featuring the screenname “Steven French” featuring a picture of what appears to be Humpty Dumpty smoking a cigar. In multiple posts from 2020 and 2021, the account can be seen responding to posts from Musk. Coristine’s X account is currently set to private.

Davi Ottenheimer, a longtime security operations and compliance manager, says many factors about Coristine’s employment history and online footprint could raise questions about his ability to obtain security clearance.

“Limited real work experience is a risk,” says Ottenheimer, as an example. “Plus his handle is literally Big Balls.”

[withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick]

Hi! Imma do something rare and actually make content, but its 11 at night and i just had a brain worm

for those of you that don’t know, i work at an accounting office. we do taxes. it is tax season. and now im thinking abt how AGSZC does taxes and what their papers are like and im inflicting it on the rest of you even if its gibberish

Angeal: A godsend. Keeps his forms in order and filed properly, calculates everything else himself like a good man. Papers honestly aren’t too bad, maybe 10-12 just because of his career/insurance plus his doubtless donations to charity, but aside from that. straightforward and done at his kitchen table

Genesis: A fucking NIGHTMARE. no doubt pays someone else to do it. and for fucks sake, i know he invests. constantly and consistently and probably in anything he thinks stands the slightest chance against shinra on the market. his 1099-B is a mess and definitely Not Totaled, so his is the bullshit you have to insert one. investment. at. a time. He’s the type that keeps fucking calling too, I can just tell. but, aside from the 1099-B, he’s probably got simple stuff as well. probably several 1099-INTs from several different bank accounts, maybe a couple 1098s floating around from vacation houses or some shit.

Sephiroth: Does his own. In ridiculously early. Makes almost no personal purchases so hardly has anything to pay. I can’t imagine not having a last name or not knowing his birthday doesn’t end up a legal problem somehow, so he likely has to walk directly into a damn tax office to say hey this is me and this is my shit no, someone isn’t stealing my identity. has one singular document and it’s his W-2. Which is. Fucking astronomical. Like, the number doesn’t even look right. His paycheck as a SOLDIER isn’t taxed, so he doesn’t really get much back on his refund. The only first without a healthcare /insurance form because why tf would Sephiroth have healthcare? What’s he gonna do, get sick?

not getting into how doing his own taxes was definitely a fight between him and Hojo at some point and ended up getting hashed out in a board room. Hojo didn’t like him having the autonomy of filing for himself instead of being claimed ad Hojo’s ‘dependent’. Sephiroth deadass threatened to go to court abt it. The President told Hojo to suck it up so they didn’t have to deal with scandal, Hojo wouldn’t tell Seph his birthday to be difficult, and here we are

Zack: Panicking. Late. Doesn’t know if his forms came in the mail, doesn’t know where he put them most of the time. Scrambles around for a fuck ton of receipts, ultimately has to request Shinra send him his shit again. DEFINITELY pays someone else to do it. W-2, 1095-A, 1099-C(s)(he has several debts i can feel it i love him but he screams bad financial decisions), probably some shit for his bike too. He customs it so I can see him listing some parts he buys for it as work expenses. Jokingly puts some money he gave aerith for flowers and what he spent to make her wagon as donations to charity and it actually goes through because the church is still considered a legal entity. Definitely has to pay late fees.

Cloud: Pays Tifa to do it. Filing for both of them is a nightmare cause all their shit burnt in Nibelheim, so once Edge gets right with the WRO they have to do all their paperwork from scratch and get reassigned SSNs. He genuinely has a fuckton of paperwork from doing the Strife Delivery Service. Luckily, only ‘employee’ he has is Tifa, and even then she doesn’t do things regularly aside from pick up the phone. Doesn’t make his business an LLC until he’s literally forced to due to his number of clients and someone trying to sue him for damages. 1099-NEC for TIfa for sure, then once he’s an LLC, some yearly maintenance to keep legal. Mileage and gas expenses go CRAZY on his self employment form, I fucking bet. I bet Cloud’s handwriting is shit tho. Tifa’s at her desk counting up his gains and losses for fucking ages because his fives look too similar to sixes. Eventually she wrangles him into installing some shit on his phone that counts it up, if only to cure her headache. Funnily enough, he does get veteran benefits from what’s left of Shinra’s shit, reparations of sorts, but he doesn’t keep it. All goes to charity, so that ends up in the books too.

alright, that was unnecessarily in depth and way longer than i planned. good night LMAO

[jd07201990]

I’ll admit, this one was a real challenge. But that never stops JD Marketing Solutions, LLC from fulfilling our contracts. I’ll even bet you’ve seen many of our Ads out there, selling sports gear, energy drinks, shoes, hygiene products, etc. Hell, if you’ve walked through the Men’s underwear aisle of any store, you’ll have seen our work. Models. Exact – to – order, custom designed walking – talking billboards that draw eyes to them, and whatever it is they’re created to sell. Their entire existence built from a spec-sheet that wealthy companies, and… well, private investors, pay 8-9 figures to fill out and submit. If your company has a need for perfect male specimens who’ve been programmed to your specific, needs, you can find our Sales team contact at Build-A-Boy . com. Now we have a prime example of our work, although he needs quite a bit more mental rewiring. Tanner here tends to escape our facility and dart about the grounds, attempting to flee back to his pointless life in college at least twice a month. His psychological strength against our state-of-the-art brain-wiping protocols is astounding. Although as you can clearly see, he can fight the brain wipe, but his body has followed our plans to the letter. He’ll soon be strutting around multi-million dollar photography studios, hawking Athletic Gear to aspiring males who would give anything to look like him. For now, we’ll continue to allow him to inadvertently add an hour or so of high-intensity cardio to his already grueling workout regime, as he bolts between buildings, thinking he’s nearly free. All the while our cameras snap thousands of high-resolution photos and video clips, providing us with more evidence of our immaculate work. Tanner added another zero to his buyer’s bill when he sprinted across our lawn in that high end jockstrap, the sun blazing above and sweat beading down his impeccable torso, while our slow-motion cameras streamed his precision athletic training to a private buyer in the Czech Republic. The Clothing company made the wise choice to out-spend the private investor, or Tanner would have been on a private within 6 months, depending on how long it took to finally break his stubborn mind.

[eliashirsch]

God Tier Top Gun Fanfictions. A Masterlist. (2/3)

Part two of my fanfic recommendation! This one's for the best series!

Winner Categories:

1. Best of the Best Authors (1/3)

2. Best of the Best Series (2/3)

3. Best of the Best Fics (3/3)

REMINDER! READ THE AUTHORS' TAGS AND WARNINGS!!!

Best of the Best Series

Some of the best series where every work is a banger. Binge read these and have fun!

and i think it's gonna be a long, long time by boasamishipper @boasamishipper

The Captain Marvel AU of Top Gun, with Maverick Mitchell as Carol Danvers and Iceman Kazansky as Maria Rambeau.

These are so fun and interesting! I love how well Ice and Mav fit in the Marvel universe. My favorite is this one:

screaming in the sonar

“Kazansky’s missing,” Fury says. Everything in Maverick’s body goes cold. He feels like the very breath from his lungs has been sucked out, leaving him nothing but a gaping chasm of terror. “What?” “He was reported missing three days ago; I just found out today. There were signs of a struggle at his house, and…” Here Fury hesitates, and Maverick knows that whatever will follow cannot be good. “There was a ransom message left on his communicator, Maverick. It was written in Kreeglyphs.”

Mav going berserk because they hurt Ice. Chef’s kiss. I keep rereading these stories every few months and I’m always delighted to read it again. boasamishipper, your brain is truly magnificent!

look at the sky and you will always find me by dangerousinlove @gohoubi

Iceman/Maverick fics.

Seventy five, SEVENTY FIVE of some of the most creative and heart-wrenching Icemav fics. It’s short, but a lot of them have categories, like Retirement-Verse or Wolf!Iceman-Verse, so if you’re looking for bite-sized fics within the same universe, check these out. My favorite:

blood in the water

After his cancer, Iceman finds out that going back to normal is harder than he thought.

Heavy angst, like really heavy. Absolutely decimated my heart. But it’s a possible scenario and it makes me sadder when I think about Ice’s cancer and how surviving affected him. 

Gayboy Airlines & Goose, LLC by aelibia @topgunreacts

Bits and pieces of Maverick's life as an amateur and later pro dom. Also Ice is there.

Of course, aelibia deserves a second mention because they’re just that good. Aside from AortaArgent, aelibia’s one of the authors I trust to write about sex. Their writing makes blood rush south but also to the heart. My favorite:

Product Testing 

Somebody has to test out all these sex toys. Might as well be Ice and Maverick. [oneshot series with standalone chapters]

The portrayal of Icemav’s sex is fun and familiar, the kind of act born from years of vulnerability and complete trust in each other. It kind of showed me that sex can be fun, it doesn’t have to be so hot and serious all the time. You can get off but you can laugh while doing so. Overall, a very good portrayal of a different kind of sex that I don't often find.

[soft5ku11]

I need to know if there are still any people as obsessed over Guzma as I am, Like, for real. I wanna know.

If you're a Guzma enjoyer to the same calibre (or more) then please write in to Soft5ku11 LLC (my askbox). I need to know where the superfans went, I need to pick your brains creatively. We must do this:

[raisingmybanner]

accretion [ə-ˈkrē-shən] noun: An accidental deposit of “foreign” material that was not part of the painting process, f. ex. dried liquid residue, flyspecks, etc. (from Stella Art Conservation, LLC) Riza Hawkeye has worked as Security Director for private art authenticator Roy Mustang for eight years with little trouble. However, recently Mustang has taken on riskier and higher-stakes jobs, putting himself and his team in danger of exposure and harm. The objective of a new undercover job – authenticating an elusive ink drawing while undercover on a three-week island retreat – hits too close to home for Riza. Secrets carefully kept threaten to be brought to light, exacerbated by the closeness required while posing as a young engaged couple. Hold on, they have to pose as an… engaged couple? For three weeks?!

I know, promo week for @royaibigbang 2024 is almost over and here I am with an actual promo post. Surprise! This story has been trying to escape my brain for years now, and I'm so grateful to the big bang for being the motivation I needed to get it into shape. I cannot WAIT to share it all with you on October 3 (SO SOON AHHHH).

Prepare yourselves for a romcom of royai proportions, featuring a modern-day AU, fake dating, forced proximity, slow burn, art nerdery, cameos from all your favorite (and perhaps least favorite) characters, idiots to lovers, heist vibes, and more feelings than you might initially expect.

I had the immense privilege of working with a team for this event, something that I've never done before. @aldrendaux was my wonderful beta, cheering me on and tidying up my mistakes every step of the way. (We've got Aldren to thank for the summary, too!) The story will also be featuring art by @areyousanta, @chewytran, @rizaposting, and @justanotherinterneruser. Sneak peeks of the art can be seen in Aldren's promo post here! Go scream at how gorgeous the pieces are!! (or maybe that will just be me, again, for the 400th time)

This fic was sooo much fun to write, and I hope you all enjoy reading it as well! Click through for a sneak peek of royai at a dancing class on their couple's retreat below the cut.

EDIT: Accretion is now live on AO3!

If her heart rate accelerated, it was just the surprise. It wasn’t the fact that her fingers slid through the hair on the nape of his neck for a moment before she quickly moved them down to his collar. It wasn’t the fact that the press of his body against hers felt too intimate, and too familiar. 

She was grateful for the fact that there was no time to linger on the sensations. Soon, Mustang was taking his first step, and Riza had to grip tighter to his hand and shoulder as she moved with him. She felt off-balance, pressed against him. Instead of supporting most of her own weight, she was now dependent on Mustang’s steps to be firm and guide her body along with his; it was a strange sensation for her. It was like clinging to the edge of a cliff face, trusting it not to drop her flat on her back.

Mustang, to his credit, stepped confidently, without wobbling. The added weight to his balance didn’t seem to throw him off at all, and she soon relaxed slightly against him and focused on keeping up with the music. If she concentrated hard enough, she could almost forget who the cliff face she was clinging to for dear life was.

“I told you I would keep your feet,” he said, quietly. 

The words made her look up at him automatically and — 

His face was far too close. Too close and too soft, with that small smile and that sparkle in his eye, with the hair starting to fall across his forehead. 

This look and the feel of him, strong against her wherever they touched, was continuing to make everything hopelessly confusing. She had clearly misinterpreted his actions the other night, but she still couldn’t seem to shake her own reactions to him, which was just embarrassing. She was thirty years old, not a hormone-ridden teenager, for Father’s sake.

She realized suddenly that she was just staring into Mustang’s eyes without speaking and felt her cheeks heat with mortification.

“Yes, well, the night is young,” she said, trying to sound normal and unsure whether or not she achieved it.

“I’ll convince you to trust me yet,” Mustang said, holding her gaze.

[bdkinz]

Book Notes # 1 - New Series - How Enlightenment Changes Your Brain

As I continue to expand my reach, I am starting a third series. In addition to my posts on Tanya and Likkutei Etzos (Rebbe Nachman’s Advice), this post marks the first of a series on notes from books I am reading. My goal is to use this space to engage with my reading on a deeper level and to share with my readership some interesting ideas to ponder. I am not sure as to the exact format of this…