#liz is short for liz bean

[neil-perrys-suicidal-tendencies]

INTRO POST <3

Here's a long-overdue intro post.

NOTE - I LOVE RECIEVING ASKS AND I WILL ANSWER THEM AS SOON AS THE HORRORS WEIGH DOWN A LITTLE LESS.

LINKS SIDE BLOGS: @i-think-im-breaking-down-again - more personal blog @cappuccino-circa-capillaries - mental health stuff /pos @a-bitch-can-write-poetry - poetry and web weaving reblogs, will post my original work if I ever get the courage @honestly-im-honest- silly stuff @edwinpayneshomosexualtendencies - dbda side blog

MEDIA: Pinterest Spotify Storygraph stats.fm

DA BASICS- ABOUT ME: Name - Lisa Avenir (you can call me Lise or Liz) Nationality - Indian Languages - English, Hindi, a1 French, aspiring German, a dialect of Hindi spoken in my home state which is completely incomprehensible to anyone who does not speak it to the point its an entirely new language (which it is but I'm not going to reveal it because I don't want my home state to be known) Age - minor Gender - mostly female Pronouns - she/they Sexuality - ace-spec lesbian Religion - Atheist DNI: Homophobic, Transphobic, sexist, racist, ableist, any kind of phobic in general No assholes allowed either I love receiving asks just no freaky stuff FACTS- 🪶Only Child who keeps losing friends 🪶I love any form of Noodles Soup 🪶I have a huge crush on Maya Hawke 🪶I love biology and anatomy 🪶I need psychological help /srs 🪶I cry a lot, it's an art 🪶I might have a migraine issue which might be getting better :D 🪶I have brown ass basic eyes 🪶Reading mythology is my bae 🪶My vocabulary might be good but I can't spell for shit. 🪶I love making little collages on PowerPoint 🪶I'm touch starved but touch aversed. Yes, we exist. 🪶I'm a nerd fighter 🪶I love dissecting song lyrics 🪶My aesthetic is dark academia, dark feminine(excluding the femcel bs), witchcore and sickly victorian child dying of the plague core 🪶I am a hyper-organized person who might have germophobia 🪶I'm pretty sure I have trichotillomania 🪶I have these sneeze attacks on a daily basis where I sneeze like 15 times over the course of 3 minutes

HOBBIES- 🪶Reading 🪶Writing poetry or songs 🪶Listening to Music 🪶Talking about stars 🪶The Universe 🪶Literature 🪶Science (fuck physics)

INTERESTS- MUSIC: I love listening to albums(like a LOT of them) 🪶Genre - Indie, Indie pop, Rock, Alt-Indie, Basic white girl pop, Pop-rock, Pop-punk, Folk, Old Bollywood, Male manipulator, Female Manipulator, Lesbian Manipulator, ghazal, anything that slaps 🪶Artists - Ricky Montgomery, Lana Del Rey, Chappel Roan, Flower Face, Taylor Swift, Hozier, Phoebe Bridgers, Girl in Red, Clario, Conan Gray, Hank Green, Hayley Williams, Joji, Indila, Sabrina Carpenter, Adele. Kishore Kumar, Lata Mangeshkar, Jagjit Singh, Muhammad Rafi, Asha Bhosle etc etc 🪶Bands - Wallows, Florence and the Machine, Sir Chloe, Hole, The Smiths, Paramore, Beach House, The Jayhawks, The Neighborhood, Fun Guns, Cage The Elephant, Arctic Monkeys, Chase Atlantic, Radiohead, My Chemical Romance, Hayley Kiyoko. 🪶Albums(favorites) - evermore and folklore by Taylor Swift, Montgomery Ricky by Ricky Montgomery, Depression Cherry by Beach House, Ceremonials and Lungs By Florence and The Machine, Superache by Conan Gray, Emails I can't send frwd: by Sabrina Carpenter, Hozier by Hozier, Riot! and Paramore by Paramore, AM by Arctic Monkeys, Party Flavors and I am the Dog by Sir Chloe, Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers, Rainy Day Music by The Jayhawks, Petals for Armour by Hayley Willams, The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan, Social Cues by Cage The Elephant, Live through this by Hole, Born to Die(The Paradise Edition) and Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey, Nothing Happens by Wallows, Baby Teeth and Fever Dreams and The Shark in your Water by Flower Face, Lilt by Hikes, Get up and Move by Fun Guns, The Black Parade by MCR. 🪶Artists that I lowkey neglect but should high-key eat - Nirvana, Tame Impala, Men we trust, Cavetown, Pink Floyd, blink-182, Green Day, boygenius, Mitski, The Smashing Pumpkins, Suki Waterhouse. BOOKS- 🪶Genre - Dark, War pieces, Dystopias, Young Adult, Depressing, Dark Academia, Classics, Psychological Thriller. 🪶Ride or Die- The Book Thief, The Perks Of Being a Wallflower, The Picture of Dorian Grey, MAUS, Paper Towns, Looking for Alaska, All the Bright Places, The Midnight Library, The Handmaid's Tale, The Diary of a Young Girl, The Boy In The Stripped Pajamas, Circe, Before the coffee gets cold, Sharp Objects, The Martian, The DaVinci Code, The Emperor of All Maladies, Turtles all the way down, And Then There Were None, The Catcher in The Rye, No Longer Human, Grandpa's Great Escape, Wild Bird, The Giver. 🪶Honorable Mentions from my TBR - A Little Life, Bunny, If We Were Villains, The Secret History, 1984, To Kill A Mockingbird, Six Of Crows, Lord of the Flies, Piranesi, Cleopatra and Frankenstein, Crime and Punishment, How it Feels to Float, Orbiting Jupiter, Normal People, Fahrenheit 451, The Myth of Sisyphus, Lessons in Chemistry, Slaughterhouse-five, Dark Matter. 🪶Poets - Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, William Wordsworth. Sappho,

MOVIES- Dead Poets Society, Good Will Hunting, Lady Bird, Whiplash, Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse, Forrest Gump, Duck Duck Goose, Rapunzel SERIES- BBC Sherlock, Orange Is The New Black, Brooklyn99, Dead Boy Detectives, Heartstopper, Derry Girls, Modern Family, House md?

RANDOM IMAGES-

USERBOXES-

MOOTS APPRICIATION!!!! @lv3buzzz, @noctilucaa(my wife), @wilsons-three-legged-siamese, @yourfavvgal, @1mlostnow, @arrr-im-a-dead-poet, @perksofbeingpoet, @mighthavebeenmurder, @take-me-to-the-rooftop15, @poetsinnyc, @joonof1989, @deadcrowcalling, @pingunaa, @xxcherryberriezxx (text me if you would like your name to be removed <3333 ) -🪶

[wren-kitchens]

me and @stiffyck were talking about aroace and t4t jizzie realising both of these things from a trans aroace scar, and because i’m normal (lie) I now have trans jizzie realising they’re trans and swapping names

you’re so welcome <3

(heads up, names are gonna be a bit confusing in this; this is lizzie’s pov)

joel does not know why they had to have this conversation outside in december of all times, because right now he is probably about to get frostbite. sure, the snow is pretty and all, but it is absolutely freezing, and the only thing stopping him from freezing to death is lizzie’s blazeborn ability to stay warm no matter what, and so she’s given him her coat to use as a kind of blanket.

since he started growing his hair out, lizzie has taken to playing with it more often, which is lucky in this scenario because her hands are so warm. in fact- joel thinks he’s forgotten to pay attention to their conversation with scar. oops.

“-all i’m saying is that, if you’re gonna compare restaurants, they’d better sell the same food.” lizzie is saying, far too heatedly for what the conversation is actually about. “there’s no point comparing, like- a fancy french restaurant that does snails and stuff with mcdonald’s.”

“ah, but scar’s diner will have it all, ms beans!” scar declares, and joel is suddenly doubting his grasp on this conversation.

“sorry- what are you guys even talking about?” joel says.

scar laughs the kind of laugh he does when he realises what he’s been talking about makes no sense. joel thinks it’s very funny that he knows scar has that distinctive laugh because of how many conversations he’s had with him that make zero sense. “sorry liz, I-“

liz.

all of a sudden, it’s like joel is underwater; he can technically hear scar correcting himself, and he knows vaguely that there is an outside world. but all [joel?] can think about is lizzie’s name used for him. and- y’know, now [lizzie?] has started thinking about it.. [he?] finds that [she?] absolutely can’t stop thinking about it.

[they?] remember the first time jimmy asked to be called jimmy, and the way his whole face lit up each time lizzie called him ‘jim’ casually, like it was nothing. but to jimmy- it was definitely something, and something big. [lizzie? joel?] had helped cut his hair short, and helped to dye it blonde, and in all honesty, jimmy has only looked happier on the day [names are so hard all of a sudden] was married.

“scar,” [lizzie?] says abruptly, and scar looks at [her?] with a small amount of concern. “can you..” [she?] can’t quite figure out how to finish that sentence. scar understands, regardless of those tricky things known as words.

“sure I can, lizzie.” scar says, and oh- okay. that’s- yeah. 

it’s like there’s a physical ball of energy swelling up inside of [her.], lighting her up from the inside, and- yeah. 

she.. she thinks she might be a girl.

“oh.” lizzie is grinning to herself and it’s starting to hurt a little but she really could care so much more right now.

“wait,” a voice says from above her, and lizzie looks up to see her spouse staring at her with a very familiar look in their eyes. “you- okay, hang on. you can- you can do that?”

“yeah, you definitely can.” scar gives a slightly crooked grin. “I don’t suppose you would be joel then, would you?”

“wh- it’s just- it’s that easy?” there’s a kind of worry attached to those words, one lizzie thinks she understands far better than she expected to. maybe she’s been a girl a lot longer than she realised. “I can just.. be a guy?”

“I did it.” scar grins in a way that makes lizzie think he’s holding back. “jimmy did it.”

“I- yeah, but-“ lizzie looks up and sees the corners of their eyes crinkled in the way that has always meant they’re suppressing a smile. she takes their hand and squeezes it. “it- it can’t be that easy, right?”

“you tell me, beans.” scar says, looking as if he already knows the answer to that.

joel relents, and lets himself smile. “yeah. it is.”

lizzie grins, sitting up and throwing her arms around her husband, and she’s laughing, and so is he, and they both might be crying a little too, and jimmy is gonna think they’re both such idiots, and she doesn’t care. she’s a woman, and joel is a man, and they just swapped names, and that honestly might have made this whole situation far funnier than it probably should be because- are they really both that unoriginal?

“I think,” lizzie sniffles, wiping her eyes on joel’s hoodie. “I think I got snot in your hair.”

“that’s fine.” joel giggles a little in that hiccupy way he does. “I might have just ruined your jumper.”

[mariacallous]

Well, if you’re just joining us, the nation has delivered an all-night victim impact statement. Labour has won a landslide and the Conservatives have suffered their worst ever general election result. Keir Starmer – the prime minister – has promised “national renewal … to fight until you believe again”. Liz Truss has failed to save South West Norfolk, let alone “the west”. That is the big picture (if not the whole picture, with turnout and Labour’s vote share notably low). Meanwhile, it’s incredible to think that only a short while ago we thought we’d eradicated measles and Nigel Farage. Both have now been brought back, largely by the same people.

But look, after the 3am to 7am shift, no one will be able to say the right doesn’t do comedy. There were moments worthy of entire Netflix specials as in sports halls and community centres various Dickensian grotesques were ushered into their Christmas future, live on stage. Alas, it was going to take more than buying the Cratchits a turkey to get out of this one. Jacob Rees-Mogg heard his fate standing next to a candidate wearing a baked bean balaclava. He’ll be crying into Nanny’s starched bosom today. Committed sewage apologist Thérèse Coffey was pumped into the sea in Suffolk Coastal. Andrea Jenkyns had the middle finger given to her by the voters of Morley and Outwood. In Welwyn Hatfield, Grant Shapps chanted “supermajority” five times into the mirror, and then it came for him.

Then again, Michael Portillo losing his seat was supposedly 1997’s big moment. So perhaps the question is: in two years’ time, which current hate figure will be presenting a cosy travelogue on Europe’s most picturesque illegal migration routes? Alternatively, do remember that one person’s onstage humiliation is another person’s milk round for directorships in the arms trade.

Speaking of absolute weapons, hat twat George Galloway wimped out of his own count in Rochdale, presumably out of fatigability. He lost to Labour. There was jubilation for the Lib Dems, who finished not a million miles behind “the natural party of government”, and for the Greens, who won all four of their target seats. The SNP can now squeeze its MPs round the flip-down dining table of a motorhome. Referendum arguments may move to Northern Ireland, with Sinn Féin now that nation’s largest Westminster party.

As for Reform … Farage won in Clacton, a constituency for which he will now have to hold surgeries, presumably by Zoom link from his hot desk in the US presidential colon. Or as he put it in his victory speech: “This is the first steps of something that is going to stun all of you” – at least confirming his political abattoir will be bolt-gunning its victims unconscious first. Farage is the horror version of Inside Out, where Mendacity is only just holding off Racism at the control console. His cultural hinterland extends to a single Goodbye, Mr Chips DVD he got free with the Sunday Times in 2008, and the idea that this hollow chancer should still be one of the most significant politicians of the age says everything about the age.

Anyway, back to the Conservatives’ four-hour in-memoriam reel. Penny Mordaunt, Jonathan Gullis, Michael Fabricant, Gillian Keegan, Steve Baker, Alex Chalk, Johnny Mercer, Michelle Donelan, Victoria Prentis, Liam Fox, Mark Harper … all out, along with many more. So many cabinet ministers fell that the ones who live may actually develop survivor guilt. It’s currently unclear how gruesome things will be among the extant Conservatives in this post-apocalyptic world. As a fictional president once wondered of Dr Strangelove, will the living not end up envying the dead? Far from it, Strangelove reassures him, forcing down an involuntary Nazi salute. What will abound is a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead!

Speaking of which, 13th fairy Suella Braverman finally turned up, holding on in Fareham and cooing: “I am sorry that my party didn’t listen to you. The Conservative party has let you down.” Expect to see her humbly attempting to disembowel fellow survivors Jeremy Hunt and James Cleverly in the forthcoming trial-by-combat for what convention demands we style as “the soul of the Conservative party”.

At his count, Rishi Sunak explained he’d already conceded the election in a congratulatory call to Keir Starmer, adding, “I take responsibility for the loss.” In Downing Street, he confirmed he would be standing down as Tory leader in some sort of due course, stressing, “I have heard your anger.” Then, instead of yet another speech straight from the Tortured Prime Minister’s Department, this one offered humility and magnanimity, as well as a pointed reminder of the positive (and fragile?) progress that saw him become the UK’s first British-Asian prime minister. What a contrast to the relentless negativity of his past six weeks. Sunak’s campaign was conducted like a gender-reveal party where the device that’s meant to release the puff of blue smoke accidentally functions as a pipe bomb and burns the house down.

It also closed out several years of mindboggling chaos, dysfunction and national decline. They won’t be playing anything from this album on the Conservative party’s Eras tour. The Tories have cycled through five prime ministers over the past eight years, to the point where they were recently found going through the rubbish, pulling the first guy back out, thinking, “Actually, he doesn’t look half bad now,” and making him foreign secretary. This is the behaviour of addicts.

Not that they have the monopoly on erraticism. Any dispassionate view of these results suggests the fabled post-Brexit “realignment” is more of a dealignment – the huge sweeping gains of this or that political moment able to be reversed in previously unthinkable timespans. Volatility might now be our defining electoral characteristic, and a rise in sectarian politics cannot and should not be ignored. Because hey – what’s the worst that can happen with that one? Meanwhile, many people who derided the simplistic “Get Brexit done” slogan in 2019 have pretended not to notice that the winner here went out under the even more gnomic banner of “Change”.

Yet in the wider global context, what a win. One summer evening in 1914, the foreign secretary, Edward Grey, famously remarked: “The lamps are going out all over Europe.” In our own times, a darkening has recently felt at hand, as hard- or extreme-right parties have gained ground across the continent, to say nothing of the US. But here – in this country, in this moment – a different direction has been taken. That matters today, and anyone not on the wingnut fringes, who hopes to avoid those gathering shadows, should wish Keir Starmer good luck with his task. For plenty who would snuff out the lamps are also rising – increasingly, they walk among us.

[oliveroctavius]

What would be the top ten Harry Osborn that isn't the green goblin stories?

I read this ask and went "ten? Really?", sure I couldn't even come up with ten arcs he had a notable part in. (It's one of the tragedies of Harry Osborn's life that the moments when he's trying to kill his best friend are some of the only times when he has Peter's full attention.)

But then I sat down to write the list and they just kept falling out of my pockets. Not ranked, but in in-universe chronology order:

A childhood flashback. "Nice Things", from Amazing Spider-Man Extra #3. I love this Norman characterization.

Giant-Size Gwen Stacy. High school Harry as Gwen's sidekick... I adore the little friend trio that exists only here.

Obligatory Spider-Man: Blue mention. If you're okay with the background characters truly being in the background, you can also read the non-TLDR'ed version in ASM (1963) #39-47.

Also obligatory ASM #96-98. If people know one thing about silver age Harry, it's the scandalous drug overdose thing. Would be great if they read the actual plotline.

Everyone's read The Night Gwen Stacy Died... so I'll skip ahead to ASM #176-180. Technically he IS the Goblin for a bit during this one, but it belongs here for the finale. Start with ASM #172 for full context, including Liz's side of things.

SSM #63. Getting Harry's house burned down is really not Peter's best moment and that's kind of why I'm putting it on this list.

ASM #260-261, 263: The highest-octane entry in the saga of Hobgoblins harassing the Allan-Osborns. Plus, Normie is born!

"A Matter of Trust", from Amazing Spider-Man Family #4. An exploration of Harry's return in Brand New Day.

"Birthday Boy", from Amazing Spider-Man Extra #1. Short and sweet story about the Peter/Harry friendship.

ASM (2015) #12-15. Rare Slott endorsement. Harry and the ladies bust a supervillain, Peter punches Tony Stark in front of Miles...

As a bonus, the backup story about the Coffee Bean at the end of Amazing Spider-Man Presents: American Son #1. (Ignore the main story, I know he gets shot on the page before the story break, just, don't worry about it, he's fine.)

I'll also drop a handful of underrated bits from the Harryliz era: ASM #188, ASM#249-251, SSM #130, SSM #177... These are more background appearances, but ones that I consider to have solid characterization and/or make up important dots in his overall arc.

[lizdonnelly]

Counterfeit

Pairing: Elizabeth Donnelly x f!reader Warnings: Language, and minor hurt/comfort I suppose? It's fluff overall Summary: Despite working in different fields, you and Liz Donnelly have built up a rapport over the past few months. When Liz finally confronts you about your relationship status, you panic, not wanting to reveal the crush you've developed on her for fear you'll lose her from your life. Unbeknownst to you, the Bureau Chief has been harboring feelings of her own, and takes the matter very seriously.

---

"This is the only place around here that doesn't fuck up their espressos, so it's worth the line. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother," the woman in front of you said. You chuckled. The tiny cafe was a warm, bustling retreat that you savored going to each morning before work, despite the lengthy lines they always had. "They're the only place on my way to work that makes decent Americanos, so I feel you there," you replied, trying not to yawn.

"Nurse?" she asked, taking note of your scrubs and shoes you wished were cuter in the moment. They had the best comfort insoles you could find, but they certainly weren't as snazzy as the woman's leather loafers.

"Doctor, actually," you said with a shy smile. "I just got out of residency, so my soul isn't completely dead yet." The woman raised her eyebrows and nodded, impressed with your response. You took in her well-tailored pinstriped suit, leather briefcase, and starched white dress shirt with the collar popped. From experience with family members in law that gave off a similar aura, you could safely wager that the woman in front of you was an attorney. "Paralegal?" you asked with a wry smile. "Fuck you," she said, laughing.

---

"So then they wheel him in, and I'm guessing the guy's gonna have a few fractures from what they told us, right? Guy supposedly fell off a ladder and landed on top of a tree while he was landscaping," you said between bites of a croissant. "Nope. Nothing like that. They had to saw off the tree branch and bring it in with him, because it was stuck up inside him," you finished. The woman across from you, whose name you recently learned was Elizabeth, snickered and took another sip of her espresso. "I'm sure he'll be staying away from pine air fresheners for awhile," she joked, tossing her paper cup into the trash can as she walked towards the door. You giggled, thanking her as she held the cafe door open for you.

"Well, have a good day. I hope Alex stays out of your hair. That's her name, right?" "Yes," the blonde said. "Let's hope she does. I'm running low on Ibuprofen as it is." You parted ways on the sidewalk without another word. You began heading down towards Mercy General to start your shift, still smiling. It was nice to have a little chitchat here and there with people. Between college, medical school, and residency, you rarely had time to make friends with people outside of a hospital setting. It was finally beginning to feel like moving to the city was worth the extra expenses. "If you can't find a seat on the subway later," you heard Elizabeth say behind you. "I found you one," she said. You turned around. She gestured towards a Christmas tree strapped to the roof of a car headed down the street beside you. "Whatever," you laughed, flipping her off playfully before turning back around. --- "One espresso and one Americano for here," Elizabeth told the man behind the counter. From your position just behind her in line, you got a waft of her perfume over the smell of coffee beans and cinnamon. Something warmed in the pit of your stomach. "Elizabeth, you don't have to, really," you said, wondering if you looked more beat up than usual this morning after surviving an especially brutal shift yesterday. "Already did," she said, handing you your coffee. You admired the way her short blonde locks fell over her forehead this morning. You hadn't seen her style them that way before in the month you'd gotten to know her. "And it's Liz," she said, finishing her espresso in a single sip.

--- "We'll be trying the kid as an adult, so if the mother isn't a complete dumbass, she'll take the deal," Liz said between bites of the croissant you shared. Her fingers brushed against yours as she handed you a piece she broke off for you, and you fought to hide the blush that was threatening to bloom across your cheeks.

"We have a measles outbreak on one of the floors, so you're welcome to trade with me," you said with a smile. "I'd take catching measles over cleaning up after one of Alex's messes again, so you might just have yourself a deal," she replied with a wink. You were certain she didn't mean anything flirtatious by it, but it still made your heart skip a beat. Suddenly, a man accidentally walked into you, too preoccupied with the woman on his arm to notice you sitting at the table in the aisle. He exchanged a hasty apology, and Liz grimaced as the couple walked away. You mentally forgave the pair, as Valentine's Day was around the corner. You saw so many crumpled bodies get carted into the ER each day that you were just thankful they were able to walk in the first place, for that matter. "By the way," she said, her tone shifting into one you couldn't quite place. "You got any plans for the holiday?" Your eyes widened. It was an odd question, as you'd always known Liz to be brash and strictly business, but it was a normal thing to be curious about someone you were getting to know. You still hated the prospect of answering it honestly though, as you had recently come to terms with the fact that you found Liz rather attractive, and your daily meetups over breakfast and coffee had become the highlight of your weekdays. Though it had only been a few months, you now thought about her while you were at work, wondering what trouble the ADAs were stirring up for her, and even when you laid down to head off to sleep. The woman hadn't given you any indication of being with someone, and she didn't wear a ring or talk about anyone romantically. To be honest, you were too afraid to ask her about her own romantic life, for fear you'd get an answer you wouldn't like.

Across the table, she raised her eyebrows impatiently. Your heart began to race sickeningly, a bead of cold sweat sliding down the back of your neck. Your eyes darted around the room, scanning the menus and signs that adorned the walls of the cafe. "Joe Cortado," you blurted. You immediately wished a sinkhole would open up below you and swallow you into the earth. It was just about the stupidest thing you could've said. Liz's face went blank. Something in her eyes shifted. "Pity. Guy sounds like a douchebag."

---

"Elliot, I need you to run a background check for me," Liz said coolly. The detective stared at her quizzically. "With all due respect, ma'am, what's this all about?" he asked, crossing his arms against his chest.

"The why isn't relevant to you." "So this isn't related to a case?" Liz tilted her head and furrowed her brow. "Detective, if Kathy was spending time around some schmuck, tell me you wouldn't run his name." Elliot smirked, eventually nodding in agreement. "Who's the schmuck we're looking for?"

Liz slid him a piece of paper with a name scribbled across it. --- You rifled through your cabinet, mentally swearing at yourself over never having gotten around to buying espresso cups in the time since you'd moved here. Your mom's old Winnie the Pooh mug you took with you when you moved would have to do. "Liz, is there something wrong?" you asked, turning to the woman that had an iron grip on your kitchen countertop. "Tell me something." "Something," you replied, giggling. She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Are you aware of the kind of company you're keeping?" Your face scrunched up, unsure of what she was getting at. "What do you mean?" She took a deep breath, not even questioning the mug you handed her. "I'm concerned for your safety." "Liz, if this is about the measles outbreak, I'm fine. I don't work in that ward, I promise," you said, trying to throw her a reassuring smile. Her frown didn't lighten up. "I am not talking about measles, I'm talking about the good for nothing low life that probably has plans to take you to some two star restaurant for a half-rate steak this weekend for Valentine's Day," she began ranting, some sort of floodgate having burst. "And then he'll flounder on top of you for five minutes on his sorry excuse for a bed before he runs off and guns down a couple other gangbangers to top off his night." You froze across from her. You were thankful you hadn't been holding anything at the moment, because you surely would have dropped it. "Who are you talking about? I don't know anyone in a gang," you replied, laughing uncomfortably. "So he hasn't told you, or are you too blind to see that, too?" Liz's eyes steeled. "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what this is in regards to, and I can tell it's eating at you," you said, walking closer to her. The attorney's jaw tightened. "Joe Cortado," she said through clenched teeth. Your breath stopped in your chest. Liz's eyes narrowed. "I had one of the detectives run his name. Were you aware that he's racked up charges for aggravated assault and armed robbery? If that wasn't enough for you, he's currently under investigation for running a counterfeit operation." You couldn't help but let out a laugh, running a hand across your forehead. "I don't see how this is funny," Liz said, clearly even more aggravated by your reaction. You took a deep breath before resting a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Liz, he's not real." "Excuse me?" You swallowed thickly, mentally kicking yourself at how poorly this was all coming to light. "I panicked when you asked me whether I had plans for Valentine's Day, and found the first words on the cafe menu that could pass as a name," you managed. "Truth is...I didn't want to admit that I've fallen for you, because I don't want to lose you."

Liz's gaze fell to the mug in her hands. She chewed at her bottom lip. "Why did it matter so much to you, anyway?" you asked slowly. "I feel bad that he turned out to be a real person, because you were ready to have him dragged into custody." Liz was uncharacteristically silent for a few moments. She then looked up at you, wide brown eyes holding the faintest vulnerability in them. "Because I was hoping to make plans with you myself," Liz answered. "To be honest, I wouldn't have taken well to anything you would've said besides admitting you didn't have plans." Stunned, your jaw fell slack. She set the mug down on the countertop and turned to you. She reached out and cupped your cheeks, pulling you into a soft kiss. You involuntarily sighed into it, arms looping up around her neck.

"So..." you started, fiddling with a button along her shirt when you finally broke the kiss. "What are we doing for Valentine's Day this weekend?" She pulled you closer to her chest and kissed your forehead. "Buying you a proper set of espresso cups."

[hypersonicxd-blog]

Kinktober 2022 - Day 01

Bareback/First Time

Pairings: Soft Dark Andy Barber/ Reader

Warnings: Mentions of drugging and non con touching (Not Andy), sex, oral sex, bareback, first time, roughish sex.

MINORS DNI! 18+

Day 01 Oct - Bareback with best friends Uncle Andy Barber.

----- x -----

The cabin your besties parents own sits on top of the sand dune shrouded in pink and orange hues from the sinking sunset. The 3 story beach house intimidates you, never did you think in your first year of college you'd be roomed with one of the richest people in your year. Nor did you think she's turn out to be such an amazing friend.

With exam week just behind you, she offered you and your group of friends a trip to her beach house, you all agreed of course. The celebration much needed.

"Dude this is dope." Brad calls from your right, his arm draped over your shoulder. He'd been trying to get into your pants for weeks. Always being overly affectionate, you can't say you mind it. It's nice and sends tingles to all the right places. But you can't help but think something is missing. Something all consuming.

In all the romance novels you read, carnal, animalistic passion is the thing you desire most. Your best friends voice pulls you out of your thoughts.

"Just wait until tomorrow when the other houses fill, they'll be frat parties, hook-ups." As Taylor finishes her sentence she sends you a wink. She's been trying to help you lose your as she calls it - pesky virginity - since you spilled the beans about it in a drunken game of truth or dare.

"You know I have my eye of someone Tay." Brad replied tugging your body closer. You blush and look at the floor, choosing not to reply. You and your group begin the climb up the stairs, Tay and her boyfriend Branson in the lead, followed by Katie and Daryl who are then followed by Liz and her girlfriend Cheryl. Leaving you and Brad at the back.

"You okay babe?" Brad asks, locking his fingers with yours. You nod before finding your voice.

"Yeah I'm good just a little tired, finals damn near killed me." He laughs and agrees before turning to you.

"Don't worry we'll loosen you up this week, get you all refreshed and ready for year two." You blanch slightly as his words come across slightly threatening. You offer him a small smile. Your attention snapping back as you hear Taylor curse.

You reach the top of the step your eyes roving over the decking and the attractive god sat lounging on the sunbed, shorts draped low on his body, his glorious chest on display.

"Uncle Andy, what the hell are you doing here?" Taylor asks, disappointment clouding her face. The man jerks up staring at his niece in shock.

"Taylor?"

"Well duh, you don't have any other nieces or nephews."

"What are you doing here?" The god - Andy asks, his eyes roaming over the group before they settle on you, trailing up and down your curves. You shiver under his gaze.

"We're here for the week, mum and dad gave the go ahead." Taylor replies.

"Are you sure it was this week?" Andy asks, his gaze still locked on you.

"Pretty sure." Taylor replies, you watch her pull her phone out.

"Weird cause Trent said I could use the beach house this week while things are finalising with Laurie." Andy says finally looking back to his niece.

Laurie? A flare of jealously consumes your body, shocking you. You've never had such a visceral reaction to something before.

Taylor doesn't reply but brings her phone up to her ear. The group remains silent, shuffling awkwardly. Andy's eyes return to you, as he checks you out. You return the favour, eyes trailing over his glorious chest and chiselled abs. Your eyes bulge as you trail further down, his grey sweats moulding to an impressive looking bulge. You gulp as you see movement beneath the joggers.

Gulping you look back at the mans face, finding a smirk and his eyes locked on you. He winks at you before turning back to his niece.

"But Mom" Taylor cuts off.

"Ugh fine." She hangs up before turning a glare in her uncles direction

"Apparently they thought we were here next week." She huffs.

"Ahh. Well don't worry. You'll barely know I'm here." Andy says before turning and walking into the house.

Taylor turns back to the group. "Sorry guys. At least my uncles pretty cool. He'll stay out of our way.

----- x -----

Taylor had been right, mostly. Andy had stayed out of the way the last few days. Well around everyone else at least. He seemed to be around when you were on your own quite a bit. You'd had a fair few conversations with the man. Your crush growing further as he makes you laugh and teases you endlessly, walking around shirtless. The pants he's wearing getting tighter.

Or maybe you were just fixating on the monster between his legs. It's been a feature in your fantasies over the past few days as you held the shower head against your clit, Andy's name a whisper on your lips.

Tonight Taylor was throwing a party, so you were looking forward to that. She's picked out a royal blue dress to wear with a shorter skirt than you were comfortable wearing. But you thought fuck it. I'll be drunk enough that I won't be self conscious.

----- x -----

The night rolled around and before you knew it you were 5 drinks in and god knows how many shots. Your vision was blurry as you danced with the rando grinding against you. You began to get lightheaded as the LEDs strobed around the improvised dance floor.

Pulling away from the rando you walked into the kitchen and out onto the deck. Fresh air, helps clear your head as you hear the door open and close behind you.

"You look beautiful tonight babe." Brad's voice slurs as he wraps his arms around you from behind, his hard cock presses into your arse as you wiggle to get free.

"Brad." You start, cut off by his hand wrapping around your throat.

"Now now. You've been a cock tease since I met you. Now I'm finally going to take what's mine." Anger fills his tone as he grinds against you.

"No Brad, stop." You struggle to get the words out because of how tight his grip in. Swaying you try to turn in his grip.

"Yes. You want it. I know you do." Brad hisses, groping your breast through your dress.

"Let me go." You rasp as he tugs on the dress, revealing your bare breast to the cool night air. Your nipple pebbles under the breeze and he squeezes in painfully.

"Stop." Your plea is ignored as he pulls on your nipple.

"You heard the lady." A deep voice breaks through the lusty haze in your brain.

"Fuck off Old Man." Brad snaps his hand freezing, as he locks eyes with Andy who's now stood at the top of the stairs. Your eyes plead with Andy.

A murderous look snaps over Andy's vision as he approaches you and Brad.

"Old man, huh? How about you let her go and I'll show you just how old I am." He threatens.

Brad laughs behind you, releasing you quickly enough that you stumble into the railing. "Babe, just wait there. Let me deal with this perv. Then we can get back to what we were doing."

"Not going to happen." Andy says calmly.

Brad approaches Taylors Uncle, fists raised. "Come on then Old man." He taunts, while Andy remains still, unthreatened, calm.

"I've seen you watching her this entire time. You want some of her pussy don't you?"

"How about I let you have her after I've hit it?" Brad offers.

You watch Andy's breathing deepen, his body tensing.

"No thanks." Andy says.

"Fine, more for me. Now leave or I'm gunna kick your ass grandpa." Brad huffs, hands dropping slightly.

"Now that I'd like to see." Andy laughs, dodging easily as Brad throws a punch. Brad stumbles on his feet, catching himself just before Andy's fist connects with his face. Your friend - well so called friend - falls to the ground knocked out cold.

Andy straightens, heated gaze travelling over your body. Stopping slightly on your exposed breast, before snapping to your face. You cover yourself as he steps closer, his hand raising to move your hair out of your face.

"You okay sweetheart?" He asks softly.

"I am now. Thank you."

"Don't mention it, been wanting to punch that guy since I saw him hand in hand with you." He admits.

"And why's that Mr Barber?" You ask, voice slurring as the adrenaline you were feelings starts to wear off.

"Because he doesn't deserve you." You smile, before stumbling, drinks hitting you harder.

"How much did you drink sweetheart?" He asks, a worried look on his face as he cradles you against his body.

"Not that much." You hiccups as your vision starts to blacken.

"Shit, sweetheart." You can see Andy's lips move but his voice sounds far away.

"Y/N keep your eyes open." You eyes close as darkness consumes you, your body falling limp in the older mans arms.

----- x -----

You groan as your head pounds behind your closed eye lids.

"Sweetheart?" A worried voice asks.

You inhale, a masculine smell reaching your nostrils. Panic grips you as you try to recall the events of the night before. You remember Brad being handsy and then it's blank.

"No no no." You mumble, forcing your body to sit up.

"Take it easy." Comes a familiar voice. Your eyes open resting on a worried looking Andy sat on the floor next to the bed you're lying on.

"Andy what happened?" You ask, voice hoarse.

"I'll tell you in a minute. Are you okay?"

"I think so. Got a headache and feel a little floaty."

"Okay that's normal, the doctor said you'd feel that way when you woke up. I've got some water and asprin here." You look at the nightstand noticing a glass of cold water, ice floating on the top. Next to it is a unopened box of asprin.

"What happened?" You sit up slowly, taking the water as Andy hands you the glass."

"Brad happened. Asshole drugged your drink, started to feel you up. I was coming back from the beach when I heard you asking him to let you go. Knocked him out. Then you passed out in my arms, So I called 911."

He pops out two tablets and hands them to you. " Brad got arrested. So you shouldn't have to deal with him." He tells you.

"Thank you." You say taking the pills. A cold draft alerts you to the fact that you're no longer wearing your dress.

"What happened to my clothes?"

"Paramedics, cut it off so they could place some monitor things on your chest. They wanted to take you to hospital but Taylor said you hated those places so I said I'd watch over you and call them if you worsened."

You remain silent, processing everything that happened.

"You need to rest today, okay Sweetheart. Daddy's orders." He says, his palm stroking your exposed thigh.

"What?" Your eyes bulge.

"Doctors orders. He said you need to rest." Andy sends a confused look.

"Oh okay."

----- x ----- 

You wake up, noticing the darkness in the room, hearing the steady breathing of the person next to you. Your eyes trace over Andy's features as the moonlight illuminates his peaceful face.

He lays on top of the covers, fully clothed. You turn on your side admiring his beauty.

"Quit staring at me." He laughs, his eyes popping open.

"Sorry, I can't help it." You admit, a tingle starting in between your thighs.

"I know I'm beautiful, right?" He jokes, turning to face you.

"You are." He freezes for a moment.

"I have noting compared to your beauty sweetheart." A blush rises on your cheeks.

"I mean it. Ever since I've laid eyes on you. I've been bewitched. It took everything in me to not kill that asshole last night. Not because you were so obviously not into it. But because he had his hands on something that was mine."

Your breath hitches, the tingles turning to throbbing as your entire body heats.

"Andy." You breath out.

"I know. You probably don't feel the same and that's okay. I won't act on my feelings." Andy says, smiling softly at you.

"I do. When I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Then I got to know you and I thought there was no way you could be that person. Someone as amazing as you has to have some flaws. But you don't. You're amazing. I want you so badly Andy." You whisper the last part.

Andy's eyes flame with lust as he sits up, leaning over you.

"Are you sure sweetheart?"

"I've never been surer of anything Andy. I need you." You breath stutters as he grips your throat gently.

"Yeah, you need Daddy's to treat you right? Fuck you the way you've always imagined but never been able to find." His thumb rubs over your pulse.

"I've never -" You stop, a blush spreading over your body.

"You've never what? Had sex?" Andy asks, keeping his eyes locked on yours.

You shake your head and hear him curse.

"I'll stop if this is too much."

"Please don't stop... Daddy." You beg, thrusting your chest up.

"Okay sweetheart. Well I'm not going to fuck you, not this time. This time I'm going to make love to you. The way you deserve. I'm going to eat your out and finally get a taste of that pussy I've been craving. Then when you've cum on my face a few times. I'm going to stretch that tight little cunt on my thick cock."

His hand trails down your chest, to find the hem of the top your wearing he tugs it up and you sit up allowing him to remove it.

"But first, first Daddy is going to get a taste of your lips." With that he leans forward and captures your lips in a mind blowing kiss. His soft lips caress your own, his beard tickling your face causing you to shiver in delight.

Andy kissed down your body, placing soft kisses on the curves of your breasts before flicking his tongue against your nipple. The contact has sparks shooting through your body, your slick dripping into the mattress below. He spends some time appreciating your breasts before kicking the covers onto the floor and crawling between your legs.

His nose nudges your mound. "You smell divine babygirl." You blush as you wriggle, trying to get away from him.

"Don't be nervous sweetheart." He says as his tongue teases your slit. He finds your clit straight away his tongue swiping over the swollen bud. A growl vibrates against you as Andy eyes lock onto yours.

"Taste like heaven." He moans as he nudges your thighs apart with his shoulders. Something prods at your entrance and you moan as he eases a finger into you, finding your g-spot straight away. Stars burst in your eyes.

"Please Daddy."

"Already so desperate baby girl." He teases, adding another finger and assaulting your clit with his mouth.

"Cum babygirl, soak my face." His mouth latches onto your clit as he sucks. Your body tenses as you leap over the edge of oblivion. Your pussy pulses around his fingers, but he doesn't stop.

He adds a third finger, stretching you further as his teeth graze over your clit. "One more for me baby girl." You hear his muffled words, your body rising again as your hips buck against his face. You bite your wrist to stop from screaming as your thighs lock around his head and he throws you into another mind numbing orgasm.

He pulls his face back, eyeing you hungrily. Slowly he removes his fingers before launching up and claiming your mouth with his. You moan as you taste yourself on his lips. His wet beard smearing your release on your face.

After a moment he pulls back and climbs off the bed, dropping his sweats and removing his t-shirt. His cock stands hard and long. Throbbing and leaking at the tip.

"I don't think that's going to fit." You admit nervously.

"It will babygirl, daddy's gunna go nice and slow okay?" Andy reassures you. 

"Okay daddy." You nod sheepishly.

Andy climbs on the bed, settling between your thighs. His cock rests against your slit.

"Condom daddy." You remind him.

"Shit. I haven't got any. I'll just pull out babygirl. I'm clean I swear."

"Okay Daddy, but you have to pull out." He nods as he rubs his cockhead over your clit, making you shudder.

"Ready babygirl?"

"Yes Daddy."

With your words he thrusts forward his head slipping into you. You hiss as his girth stretches you more than his fingers did.

"It will hurt at first baby, but then it's all pleasure." He tells you.

"I can do it." You tell him.

Andy's eyes watch as he sinks into your tight heat. Inch after inch disappearing into your untouched body. He feels the resistance of your hymen and looks at you.

"This bits going to really hurt sweetheart." You nod and bite your lip.

Taking that as confirmation he pushes past the barrier in one brutal thrust that has you crying out.

"Sssh it's okay babygirl." Andy stays still allowing you time to adjust.

The pain slowly starts to ease as you gyrate your hips against him. "Fuck me Daddy."

It's almost like something snaps in Andy, he withdraws completely before slamming back in, setting a brutal pace.

"So tight babygirl. Milking my cock perfectly. Tell me baby girl. How good does my cock feel?" He demands, a darker side of him coming out.

"So good Daddy, you're so big."

"Yeah? You like daddy's cock filling you up?" He teases, one of his hands finding your throat, eyes locked on yours.

"I do daddy."

"Imagine how nice it would be to have my cum filling you baby girl." He moans as his hips connect with your arse. You whine as you pussy clenches around him.

"Already close? My little slut loves my cock doesn't she?" Andy pants removing his hands and lifting your legs so your ankles rest on his shoulders.

"I do daddy. I want it." You moan.

"Want what baby? My cock, my cum. Want me to fill you up, make your belly nice and round" Andy's voice grows harsher as he leans over you, railing into you.

"I want it daddy." You plead, no other thought in your head except being his cumdumpster.

"Beg for it."

His thumb starts to circle your clit, making your delirious.

"Please daddy. I need your cum." You whine, pussy spasming around his throbbing cock.

"That's it sweetheart, milk my cock." He groans as you cum around him, drenching his thighs.

"Here it comes baby." He warns.

You cry out in extasy as you cum around him again, feeling him throb inside you before heat fills you up. Andy growls as he empties himself into you.

He lets your legs drop and kisses you as he softens inside you, the mixture of your release with his trickling out of you and staining the mattress. You remain that way for a few minutes before he rolls off you and flops at your side.

"Fuck sweetheart, I haven't cum that hard in years." He tells you, making you blush before you remember he came inside you.

"Andy. I'm not on birth control." You panic.

He cradles you against him. "It's okay, I'll fix it."

He reassures you. You snuggle into him, relaxing, before falling asleep.

An hour or so later you wake up and head to the bathroom, cleaning yourself up while you're there. As you turn to leave you notice a box of unopened condoms sat next to the sink.

What the hell?

[leam1983]

Humour

Walt and I are recovering Whedonists with a thing for complex situations where the laughs sort of build over time, and I still like the occasional bit of outré comedy. My father, however, leans heavily on the Wes Anderson side of things, and considers slow-burning absurdity to be an absolute gasser. He's subjected me to Viking, a little Indie bit about a C-team of would-be astronauts stuck simulating social problems lived by the A-team on Mars, and I'm just left thinking that there's times where pushing into implausibility that harshly can make an entire premise tip over from amusement to sheer boredom. Not every TIFF finalist is entirely worth my time, let's say.

Long story short, we follow David, a Phys. Ed teacher in Montreal who, after several tests, is revealed to be a psychological match for one of the mission leads currently spending Sols on Mars. He reacts the same way, has the same overall temperament - only the language barrier differentiates them. He joins a team of implausibly local other matches for the rest of the A-team and is shipped out to New Mexico or Texas - it's never made clear where their outpost is, even if it is clearly in the Southwestern US - and has to adopt his Martian vis-à-vis' name, mannerisms, personality and responsibilities in order to find and fix potential problems between crewmembers - complete with fake EVAs.

The initial vector for bleak humour starts with the fact that the C-team only corresponds to the A-team psychologically, so you're left with female applicants taking male names and being told to assume male mannerisms for the duration of their mission - complete with groping attempts if one of the A-team members is known to have sexual assault charges in the rinks. The opposite also applies to male members of the simulation team, with one of them being forced to go by "Liz" for the movie's duration - and to eventually tape a bag of beans to his chest in order to fake his corresponding A-team member's Martian pregnancy.

Of course, this leads to obvious tensions and to various friction-causing situations, such as the "male" mission member being simulated by a female one needing to sleep while playing a recording of the actual A-team lead's thunderous snores.

You're supposed to chuckle at the inherent absurdity, but I really couldn't shake how implausible it would be for guys and gals from my own backyard to be schlepped out to within hitchhiking distance of Austin, Texas to pretend like their tuna can of an adapted cluster of RVs is actually a stand-in for a distant and forlorn Martian hab module. If NASA has enough budget to hypothetically send people to Mars in the not too distant future, it probably has budget enough to either find planet-based analogues for behavioral testing or to just chuck everything at an AI model - as I'm sure they're wont to do - and call it a day.

Dad spent three days poking Walt and I for our opinion, only for the both of us to share a resounding shrug. I guess I'm not one for self-effacing absurdist bits of Sci-Fi nonsense that goes so far as to elude to the Sim teams having mostly detailed replicas of the A-team's tools, only for our ragtag group of Québécois candidates to end up with a trash can with taped-on cardboard legs standing in for a MAV module...

[hitchell-mope]

Hypothetical titles for season eighteen of 88

Discharged. Season premiere. Part one. Lysander finally comes home after a year long stay in hospital. But things go awry at the welcome home party

Disrespect. Season premiere. Part two. Kimberly becomes incensed when she finds out that Lysander invited Drummond to his welcome home party.

Warranted. In this parody of The Breakfast Club. The team goes slowly insane as they wait for an arrest warrant to be printed out.

Fava bean and a nice Chianti. Warrant in hand. The team can finally go after a cannibalistic serial killer. Guest starring Adam Sandler as Albert “The Carnivore” Johnson

Family affair. Findlay gets a nasty surprise when she finds out that Lilith has been dating Sidney’s older brother Samson. Elsewhere. Drummond visits Magda’s ex girlfriend at Riker’s and meets her lawyer. First appearance of Odette Anable as Christabel Saunders and Matt Cornett as Wesley Smyth

The fireplace. Andy catches wind of Drummond’s run in with Wesley. And decided to make a personal visit to the mans home. First appearance of Amy Adam’s as Lorna Carlyle.

That sounds familiar. On the sixth month anniversary Jonah adopting Butterball. The corgi becomes his mages familiar. First appearance of Theo James as the voice and human form of Butterball.

Read you like a book. It’s Drummond and Lysander’s turn to be Damsels in Distress. Their fellow Damsel. Almanac. Their rescuers. Odessa, Justine and Clyde. Guest starring Alan Cumming as Rumplestilstskin. First regular appearance of Graham Philips as Clyde O’Bannon. Features the return and first regular appearance of Joshua Bassett as David “Almanac” Carlyle.

License. Kimberly risks her career when she breaks into Drummond’s apartment. Meanwhile. Barnaby and Jonah take the state driving exam.

The girls at the gala. Findlay puts on her best polite grin and bears it when she has to contend with the First Lady and her entourage at a presidential gala. Guest starring Irene Bedard as First Lady Marianne Murray

Chums. David and Clyde hit it off when David moves into the suite at the Oberon next to Clyde.

A long walk. Season finale. Part one. On Christmas Eve. The precinct gets a call from a terrified teenage girl who’s being forced to walk off of Coney Island pier. First appearance of Teagan Croft as Mason “Macy” Christiansen.

Off a short pier. Season premier. Part two. Thornton and Sidney perform crowd control while Findlay reluctantly works with David to save Macy

Relative terror. David enamours himself to Clyde even further when he helps get rid of Clyde’s shrewish twin sister. Guest starring Liz Gillies as Deloris O’Bannon

Sensitivity training. Findlay has to go to a two day seminar after a victims mother complains about her attitude.

Sweet sweet freedom. David gets his Tag taken off. His first act with his magic back. Sweeping Clyde off his feet.

All shook up. Thornton uses Golden Brick’s Elvis night to weed it a serial killer known as The Lyricist

Chairman of the Board. Clyde gains control of O’Bannon Industries. And immediately disinherits his mother and sister.

Give my puppy the shot. Butterball gets run over. Jonah channels Terms of Endearment while waiting for him to recover.

I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger. Sidney’s girlfriend from his freshman year of high school visits and immediately starts causing trouble. Guest starring Ashley Tisdale as Annalise Marsden

Have you seen me? The Five Families spring into action when Butterball goes missing. Guest starring Chris Pratt as Emerson Davenport.

Getting warmer. The search for Butterball leads Findlay straight to Lorna Carlyle. Guest starring Johnny Depp as Lorna’s father, Royce Carlyle.

The incredibly mad women in the attic. Season finale. Part one. Findlay tries to concoct an escape plan while getting to know Lorna’s mother and grandmother. Guest starring Megan Mullally as Ellie Carlyle and Barbra Streisand as Mitzi Walker.

A grandmother’s fury. Season finale. Part two. Mitzi has a plan to take down her granddaughter once and for all

[certaingoateeavenue]

GENERAL HEADCANONS

•Mary is a Catholic bi girl

•Edward is gay and didn't realize until Liz just straight up told them.

•Edward goes by He/Them pronouns

•Henry goes by either Hal,Fitz or Roy

•DO NOT call him Henry.

•Also gay but knew and accepted himself the easiest with that.

•Mary Queen of Scots goes by the names of Scots,Stuart,Maria & Ree.

•Her son James gets reincarted when she's 25.

•Eventhough this time around she doesn't have to she still declares Elizabeth as his godmother something, Bess pretended not to cry at.

•Jane Grey goes by Janie or Grey (really only Elizabeth calls her Grey as a joke tho).

•Janie is pansexual and uses she/they pronouns.

•To Mary's dismay, Elizabeth is more chaotic than Anne if that is even possible.

•Elizabeth has many nicknames consistin of ,Eliza, Liza, Liz, Lizzie, Beth, Bess, Bessie, Eli, Betsey, Betty, Lisbeth or Lisbet (only by Anne for that that one) or all of them if your Edward trying to get her attention.

•Elizabeth is now known as the biggest flirt (when she not committed to Robert Dudley of course) because she veiws it as a little F U to her father that killed her mother on behalf of those reasons.

•This time it's much to Fitz and Ed's dismay.

•Elizabeth always forces Edward to letting her his nails and make-up (they secretly enjoy & Bess knows that he does). Sometimes she does Hal's nails too

•Mary become the least proctective of Liz purely because she realised how much worse it was for her now that Anne & Hal & Edward & Scots & even sometimes Jane Seymour or Anna Von Kleves are with coddling or protecting her.

•Mary Seymour only goes by Mae it's such a big thing Cathy is just considering changing her name to that legally.

•Mae is the youngest in the queen's(+ a king) household.

•To everyone surprise Mary is actually better at babysitting her than Elizabeth while Edward is just being her supportive cousin on the side.

•Their heights go Hal:5'10 Mary:5'8 Maria:5'8 Edward:5'6 1/2 Elizabeth 5'4 Janie:4'10 (small bean).

•Their ages go Mary:21 Hal:21 Elizabeth:15 Edward:15 Maria:15 Janie:14

SOON/AFTER REINCARNATION

•Fitzroy was reincarnated about 5 years before the rest of the Tudor siblings were because his mum works with the reincarnation company.

•Anna was the one to open the door when Mary, Elizabeth, Edward & Mae woke up outside the house and the first thing she did was yell back to the queen's sitting anxiously inside the living room "I have one hell of surprise for you guys!".

•After a short-lived staring contest between Anna & Mary, the kids (well only one toddler really and two teengers + a 20 year old) were escorted to shocked faces sat on a sofa.

•Edward & Mary did not instantly go to mothers but instead opt to death stare Cathy until Liz slapped them round the back of their heads as a way to say stop.

•After Anne embracing her and sobbing for ten minutes, Bess simply got bored step back from her, look down at her hands and go "Holy Shit, I'm young!!!" and proceed to run around like a headless chicken continually shouting at the top of her lungs " I'M NOT SIXTY" " Mary,MARY,LOOK!!"

•It took a couple of weeks with a lot of convincing of Bess to stop Edward from wanting to murder Cathy every time he saw her.

•Edward might be the youngest but don't get wrong Elizabeth is the baby of the family.

•When Mary came out as bi to her Catalina, Elizabeth & Anna went all protective mode in that conversation

•This later became the reason why Mary didnt go out of her way threaten Robert whe he started dating Bess, as a little but meaningful thank you to her for her support.

TUDOR FAMILY

•At some point in the future Scots' son (James) is reincarnated.

•Elizabeth is once again his godmother but this time it's not a bribe.

•Because Bess babysat James so much Mary asked why,, as she usually wasn't to keen on baby no matter what relation, she answered to it with a calm response of "James is my GODSON, I am his GODMOTHER, this child makes a God by name, of course I will protect him with my life"

•They both hate to admit but our both (especially scots) protective of eachother, with Bess denying something that's true and Mary just using an excuse like "If someone is going to cause Elizabeth bodily harm it's going to be me".

BESS AND THE DUDLEY'S

•When the Dudley's get reincarnated (John now as a better person) she (and Janie) are accepted as part of the family, with Bess being Mary (Mars) Dudley's best friend, Roberts kinda girlfriend depending ont the day(wife in everyway apart from legally), Guildford's chaotic partner-in- crime and John's golden child (even if it's not legal)

•Liz & Mars' friendship is basically them bitching about people they don't like and/or disgust them, daring eachother to do dumb shit and Mary pretending Elizabeth isn't making out with her brother in their school corridors.

•Elizabeth & Guildford Dudley go further than the rest of Bess's siblings and cousins in calling him there cousin-in-law by calling eachother 'My practically brother/sister in law' to the point everyone refers to the two them like that.

•One day Robert goes up to Liz and asks if she considers them 'practically married',she of course denied it (once again tho it was true) but they both ( and everyone else for that matter) know it's the reason behind her & Guildford's nicknames.

•To any encanto and spop fans Robert Dudley & Elizabeth is literally just Pepa & Felix + Mermista & Seahawk rolled into one.

•The queen's + kid's household now just expect to see Ed rolling after school looking exhausted and judgemental at the fact right behind him Elizabeth is storming inside with an apologetic Robert behind her. Sometimes Mars is there too taking pictures of her distressed brother.

•During the many off stages of their on & off relationship Robert has acquired many things thrown at him while they've been breaking up. Consisting of an egg Elizabeth for some reason had in her bedroom, hairdryer, hair straightener etc.,etc.,many,many shoes + hats, the two miny pride flags she has in honour of Edward & Mary ( gay for Ed, bi for Mary), a lot of makeup bags, a few pillows, and a couple of hairbrushes, + more ( at separate dates to be clear, this wasn't all at one of their break ups).

•The Duldeys mainly call Elizabeth Eliza out of habit because in their past life they remembered how she cringed when saying her full name because it was a reminder that as the king's daughter she could never relax in a place that wasn't her household.

•John Dudley considers Elizabeth his daughter and has at many points in time invited her out to a coffee shop even when her and Robert weren't in their realtionship.

•Lizzie has always considered John a father figure.

FAMILY DYNAMICS

•To start it of we have Bess & Eddie who have the closest bond within the siblings due to there now only being a 33 day age difference between them. Plus their both in most of eachothers classes in school.

•Then we have Mary and Hal their relationship is complicated, always has been, always will, but they do occasionally bond on being the oldest of the reincarnated Tudors and obviously their bat-shit crazy siblings.

•Mary & Bess are probably the pair that are the second closest to eachother. It's more of advice giving bond they have, mainly because Mary's still trying to make up for the past and Elizabeth doesn't trust her mum to not go mental with some of the stuff she needs help with.

•With Mary and Edward it's quite awkward with how they nether saw eye to eye in the past. But Mary will still do anything for them because of gravely she missed them when he died.

•Edward and Hal really only occasionally roll their eyes to eachother whe their sisters are being dramatic (acting like their not).

•Roy still has a hard getting over the fact the Bess is a teenager and not the 3 year old girl who could barely reach his knee, but height dilemmas aside, their quite close and always tease eachother. Roy always beats everyone else in being Elizabeths biggest supporter

• Mary nor Hal are particularly closes to their cousins and usually stick together when the have their family reunions.

•They both might die keeping it a secret, but with as much agression they display towards one another Ree & Lizzie have one of the most heart warming friendship you will ever see.

• Janie and Eddie are eachothers best friends and are referred to as the little sunshine's of the family.

And no I don't take criticism

[ur-typical-nerd]

Cuphead OC: Sadie the Imp

Alright, so here’s a new Cuphead OC I’ve thought up! She’s inspired by some imp OCs I’ve seen around the internet, and I really hope you love her as much as I do!

Sadie is a small, fluffy imp with dark red fur (she claims it’s the blood of her enemies, but it’s really the manifestation of all the wrath in her tiny little body), matching bat wings, grey horns, unusually sharp claws and fangs, a pointed tail, and yellow eyes.

-Sadie’s name is short for Sadist, because all of the imps’ names seem to reflect either their job (Henchman) or a personality trait (Stickler), and I thought Sadie being short for something as dark as “sadist” would be hilarious. Kinda like that post about “Liz” being short for “Lizard”

-Feral lil’ bean with a short temper who enjoys talking about torture methods and generally messed-up things that can happen on the surface

-Call her short/cute and she will bite your shins

-Buzzes her wings like a hummingbird when she flies

-Inkwell Hell’s best torture technician. She takes pride in her job of torturing evil souls for their sins and can actually get quite creative with it.

-Friends with Henchman. He’s one of the few imps who isn’t put off/intimidated by her intensity and occasional creepiness and can actually get her to calm down a little

-Hates Stickler with a burning passion and has repeatedly tried to stab him in the head/trick him into being tortured. Henchman usually stops her

-Has a butcher knife she calls Emily. She sleeps with it under her pillow for good luck

-Blushes when praised

-Claims her favorite food is flesh, but she has a major soft spot for junk food

-Her impulse control is non-existent

-Occasionally gets into street fights in order to blow off steam

-Would happily kill Dice if he ever broke the Devil’s heart. However, she does approve of their relationship.

-A little too enthusiastic about killing/attacking people for her boss

-Bit of a pyromaniac

-Can sleep pretty much anywhere

-I actually have a plot idea for her if she were to ever appear in the Cuphead Show!

Basically, the Devil is either sick/still recovering from the sweater (depends on when this episode occurs) and sends Sadie to get Cuphead’s soul. Sadie decides that the best way to do this is to murder this child. And hey, why not murder his brother while she’s at it! Can’t leave any witnesses behind! The police take this about as well as you’d expect…

SADIE: (Calling Henchman) Hey Henchie, can ya pick me up from the mortal world?

HENCHMAN: Sure, where are you?

SADIE: Jail.

HENCHMAN:

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

Elizabeth Barbara Patrikson

Moodboard:

[Image description: A picture of a part of a book and a cup of tea in a white teacup  of a gray tablecloth is in the far left. A row of big, old-looking hard-cover books is in the top part of the middle. An photo of small, yellow-orange flowers with black centers in the bottom part of the middle. They aren’t picked, so the background is blurry green grass and other flowers. Top right corner is a book open in front of a window. Light-yellow light is radiating from behind the window. A hand is holding the book at the bottom left corner and a some hair is hanging from the top left corner. The bottom right part of the image is a a white cup of coffee on grayish-brown tablecloth, surrounded by coffee beans and with grayish-brown bags of coffee beans in the background. End ID]

Picrew:

[Image description: a digital cartoonish bust picture of a woman with light-beige skin, brown eyes, big, round glasses, short, wavy red hair, a light smile and lots of freckles. She’s wearing a white fully buttoned shirt and a green coat. She has fang-like gray earrings. The bachground is pure white. End ID]

Character intro time! The narrator, the POV character, the dare-I-so-say protagonist of Cozy Little Horrors.

Name: Elizabeth Barbara Patrikson

Nicknames: Beth, Liz. Calling her Betty may get you a trip to the hospital

Age: 21

Occupation: 404, Page Not Found. She just graduated college and wanted to become a literary translator, but the literary world mostly runs in closed circles she isn’t a part of.

Sexuality: Asexual

Species: human

Ethnicity: Irish-American

Other information:

Beth is an overall smart, quick-witted young woman. She saw her future quite promising, graduating high school, and, as a result, college, a year early, but reality disheartened her a bit. She is very grounded and rational, hiding her child-like optimism deep inside of her. 

She speaks a few languages, her main focuses being English, Spanish, and Russian. She likes languages and books, so her choice of profession seemed obvious. She is not the type to get into conflict but will react quickly to new and potentially dangerous situations.

[thewidowstanton]

The Widow's best of 2021

Compiled by Liz Arratoon

2021 was the year Blackpool Pleasure Beach celebrated its 125th anniversary, and the magic world marked 100 years of sawing a woman in two. Hmmm! For us, spending more time at home meant we watched more films and read more books so both will feature more heavily in our list than usual, along with other stuff we’ve seen and enjoyed this year.

But before we get to any of that let’s start with the most beautiful thing we saw in 2021. It was right at the start of year – and nothing since has come close to it – when the London International Mime Festival directors Joseph Seelig and Helen Lannaghan managed to put on a brilliant event against the odds by going online.

MOST CREATIVE: Vertigo, a short film by mixed-reality artists Kristin and Davy McGuire of Studio McGuire commissioned by the London International Mime Festival. Four minutes of heaven as Kristin performs on a shiny pole, enveloped in a gossamer haze of digital images that are protected on to gauze. Stunning! Watch it here. Pic: Studio McGuire

BEST SHOW: David Byrne’s innovative concert/dance production American Utopia.

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY: Annie-B Parson’s thrilling moves in American Utopia.

FAVOURITE ACT: The Shandong Acrobatic Troupe’s plate spinners from 2019’s Monte Carlo International Circus Festival. In a refreshing break from tradition, it used the main theme music from Wong Kar-wai’s 2004 film 2046. Also watch out for Laura Borrelli's hula-hoop cameo in the film The Hand of God.

BEST TWITTER CIRCUS PIC: La Charmeuse de Serpents at the Folies-Bergère, posted by @PablosCircus.

BEST PROMO: Hula-hoop star Marawa the Amazing's delightful 'calling card', produced by her husband. Watch it here.

BEST SHOWBIZ STORY: Christine Walevska's stolen cello in The Tale of the Little Countess’ Little Cello on BBC Radio 4’s Outlook.

BEST SHOWBIZ TV SERIES: Hacks, with the incredible Jean Smart as a 'senior' Vegas stand-up comic.

BEST TV CHARACTER: Nunzia Schiano as Donna Nunzia in Gomorrah, the Naples-set Mafia saga, which also gets MOST STYLISH TV SERIES for its breathtaking lighting and locations. BEST DOCUMENTARY SERIES: Fran Lebowitz’s Pretend It’s a City, directed by Martin Scorsese on Netflix. BEST INTERVIEW: Sylvie Guillem by dancer Daniil Simkin. Watch it here.

BEST EXHIBITION: Noël Coward Art and Style at the Guildhall Art Gallery in London.

BEST SERIES: Spending the War Without You: Virtual Backgrounds. Laurie Anderson’s stunningly intelligent Norton ‘lectures’ – in reality, shows – from the Mahindra Humanities Center, six of them given to the world for free!

BEST MUSIC: The score for the TV series ZeroZeroZero by Mogwai.

BEST WEEKLY MAILOUT: David Mills’ Quality Time – “a five-point bulletin of curated curious content” – in which he scours the world for things to interest, surprise and delight us. Above is the original rhinestone cowboy Loy Bowlin, who covered his life and house, the Beautiful Holy Jewel Home, in glitter, tin foil, tinsel and so forth. What could be more showbiz? Subscribe for free here.

BEST DANCE: The Ballets de Monte-Carlo White Darkness by Nacho Duato and The Lavender Follies by Joseph Hernandez.

BEST COSTUMES: Russian synchronised swimmers Svetlana Kolesnichenko and Svetlana Romashina’s spider-themed outfits at the Olympic Games. BEST FILM: Apples, a Greek Weird Wave first feature film from director Christos Nikou concerning… um… a different sort of pandemic.

BEST ANIMATION: Hungarian 1976 short Scenes with Beans, directed by Ottó Foky, about a cosmic metallic hen that lands on a planet of beans and observes their daily lives.

BEST DESERT ISLAND DISCS CASTAWAY: Sophia Loren, by a mile.

MOST FUN: Stump the Guesser, a short film by Guy Maddin, Evan Johnson and Galen Johnson.

BEST SHOWBIZ BOOK: My Rock ’n’ Roll Friend by Tracey Thorn, and To the End of the World, Travels with Oscar Wilde by Rupert Everett.

BEST BOOK: Two more memoirs share this spot… Farewell to Gabo and Mercedes by Rodrigo García, and Linn Ullman’s Unquiet. Both concern ageing and death, which leads us on to…

GONE TOO SOON: Mary Wilson of the Supremes, Mike Nesmith of the Monkees and actors Michael K Williams (above) and Helen McCrory. And those we knew personally: our friend circus impresario Gerry Cottle, Spymonkey’s marvellous and unforgettable loon Stephan Kreiss (below), and lastly Lord Christopher Laverty of the magnificent @clothesonfilm, who was one of the most knowledgeable, and certainly the best, speakers we’ve ever had the pleasure of listening to, who died desperately young in a canoeing accident.

But so as not to end on too sad a note SPECIAL MENTIONS go to the Lucille Ball film Being the Ricardos, the kick-ass women in the TV series The Nevers, and the simply spectacular documentary House of Cardin, about genius fashion designer – among many, many other things – Pierre Cardin.

[stormcrawler75]

Maybe arm in sling with Patton?

Warnings: Major Character Character, ghosts, talk of murder, an accusation of murder.

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Logan, and Janus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton walked through the school’s halls, feeling stares follow him and stick to the white cast wrapped around his forearm. Logan and Janus walked on either side of him and threw glares at anyone that dared lingered too long. But Patton felt their eyes on his back as they walked away.

“Did you hear what they told the police?”

“Just ignore them,” Janus hissed in Patton’s ear. Their hand was gripping Patton’s hand tightly and their words were brimming with confidence, sure that every word that they said was true. “They are mindless sheep and if they knew what we did, they’d be running through the streets in panic. Just ignore what they say.”

How could Patton possibly ignore them? When what they were accusing him was so terrible, so awful, that it made Patton want to cry?

“I heard that they claimed that Virgil didn’t actually die. They said that he was taken instead.”

Logan’s hand was like a vice on his shoulder, grounding Patton to reality, a reality that was so hard to understand lately. “They will eat their words soon enough,” he muttered, a hard steely glint in his eyes. “After we bring your brother back, he will tell them exactly what happened and they’ll see that we never lied.

Patton managed a short nod, glancing out a nearby window and looking at the old mansion that stood on the highest hill in town, looming over everything. Even as far away as Patton was, he had the feeling that he was watched. Though, it could’ve just been the hateful stares coming from the other students. Not that Patton could blame them. Virgil was such a sweetheart, it was hard not to love him.

“Taken? By who?”

“We’ll sneak back out there tonight,” Janus muttered, pausing by their locker and shoving their bag in. “We know what we’re doing this time. What to bring and what to say. It was a mistake bringing Virgil and you last time but we know that now and we know how to save him.”

“The ghosts of the Prince Brothers who used to live in that house. Now that’s rich. Even if there really were ghosts in that mansion, why would they want anything to do with the Heart Brothers?”

Patton swallowed and asked, pulling on the strings of his brother’s abandoned hoodie with his good hand, “I still don’t understand why they took him and not both of us. I mean...” He trailed off and gripped the strings tight, pressing his injured arm close to his chest. 

Logan adjusted his glasses, giving Patton a look mixed with sadness and relief. “They tried, Patton. I suspect that it hadn’t tripped back and broke that old stairs’ railing than you would’ve been taken right alongside your brother.”

“You don’t know!? Dude, Patton and Virgil’s great-great-grandfather were one of the Prince Brothers! They changed their name since them but their family used to live on that hill!”

“Oh,” Patton whispered lamely. He stared down at his cast and cringed as he remembered falling from the second floor of a mansion where he and his brother had once played and the face that had stared down at him with bright glowing red eyes. “I-I’m still surprised that the railing broke so easily. That old house has really gone downhill, hasn’t it?”

Somehow, Patton didn’t think that it was just time that had broken down his old home.

“Seriously!? Dude, that’s wild! Patton and Virgil were related to - damn! But still, why would they go for Virgil? I mean, if they’re really related to the Princes, why would they try to, I don’t know, kill them or whatever?”

Janus scowled, glaring out the window at the mansion. “It doesn’t matter how downhill it is,” they said darkly. “After we get Virgil back from them, we’re burning that fucking mansion to the ground. It should’ve been burnt to the house years ago.”

“I can agree to that,” Logan muttered. “The better solution would be burning whatever is tying them to this world but I suppose we’ll just burn the entire house instead. Hopefully, that will fix everything.”

“But what if it doesn’t,” Patton asked softly, hands shaking hard. His arm throbbed his uninjured hand gripped the injured one, trying to stop the trembles. “What if, what if whatever’s tying them here isn’t in the house? What if it just makes them angry?”

“Hell if I know, dude. Besides, does it matter? It’s not like any of this matters. Patton Heart is a dirty liar and a brother killer on top of that. This ghost bullshit is just that.”

Janus clenched their fists tightly and spat out, “Then we’ll find whatever the hell it is and burn that too. We’ll do whatever it fucking takes. I don’t care what their reasons are for trying to take you two. You’re here and it’s not up to them whether or not that continues or not.”

“But I-” Patton cut himself off, his jaw clicking with how quickly he closed his mouth.

“Well, obviously. I’m just wondering what the liar’s reasoning is for the ‘ghosts’ taking his brother. I mean, what, did Patton just say the ghosts were just trying to kill them or something?”

There was a pause where Janus and Logan stared at him. “But what Patton,” Logan asked gently. “What is it?”

Patton hesitated before saying softly, “I don’t think they wanted to kill us. The one who tried to grab me looked so scared when I fell and they were wailing and... The one with the green eyes was beaming when he grabbed Virgil was sunk into the floor. He was babbling about how he was so happy to have family back in the house and how angry he was when our Mum made our Dad move us away. I think... they just wanted their family back.”

“No. He said that the ghosts just wanted their family back.”

“Well, the ghosts can’t force you or Virgil to stay with them,” Janus said firmly. They placed their hand gently on Patton’s cast, their fingers brushing against the sling. “We got you out and tonight, we’ll get Virgil out. I promise.”

“What a weak ass excuse. Like ghosts care about their families after they die.”

Patton nodded firmly, trying to ignore how the ghosts with red eyes had called him ‘Grandson’ and pleaded with him not to leave when Patton had run away. “Right. We’ll get him back.”

General Taglist

@mooniecoockie

@all-eyes-on-you-forever

@engineering-a-better-world

@hermitcreature

@punsterterry

@iris-sanders-athena​

@heck-im-lost

@the-v-gees

@tiredfluid

@sevenatee

@i-really-dig-the-purple

@detroit-become-pan

@trust-me-i-just-get-weirder

@radioactivehelena

@max-is-tired

@unikornavenger

@amazonprimebox

@emmydragon 

@thegaypasta

@lunareclipse-524

@thepotatoking1010

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@world-class-izzy 

@violetsandpride

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@sanderssmosh-n-musicals

@cookiethedevil

@satanblessi

@figurative-falsehood

@crookedlyoptimisticdestiny

@ao-koshka 

@onenightjoanly

@alsoyouremischievous

@figurative-falsehood

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@analogical-mess

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@felicianoromano

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@felicianoromano 

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@georganabanana

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@omg-rainbowgalxy-things 

@chemically-imbalanced-romance

@just-another-rainbowblog

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@purplepatton

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@that-smol-tired-gay

@tired-fanboy

@rachel-eve-puppet 

@the-psycho-pie 

@the-warfstache-of-wall-street

@pastel-puns

@shadowjag

@saphirestrike 

@theatresweetheart

@gatlily

@pastelpatton

@agoddamnrayofsunshine 

@ps-reblogs

@tacohippy56900

@anxious-fander-bean​

@winterknight1087

@moonfang03

@that-random-fandom-girl 

@cricks-loves-you

@teacupfulofstarshine

@hetaisawesome

@lilylunalovegood2002

@silverviolin069 

@bubbliee0 

@demigodnamedathena

@donalev

@flix-net

@sos-fandoms

@writingfeedsthedarkestones

@leesacrakon 

@clone-number-1

@ninja-wizard101

@never-end1ng-suffering 

@all-bridges-will-burn

@theresneverenoughfandoms

[blookmallow]

ive finished turnip boy... it was very cute i wish there was More Of It though : ( 

the final turnip adventures,  featuring GRAVEYARDS and SPOOKY PUMPKINS

this ones Big Big Spoilers if that matters to you

not the pumpkins though. i mean i guess “there are pumpkins” is technically a spoiler. for there being pumpkins

tree

he has been accepted as one of the carrot clan 

,,,,,oh

ohhhhhhhhhh that’s why the. that’s why everyone says “mush” instead of “god”

they think. the mushroom cloud. ohhhhh

sdfgjg what kind of bizarre social commentary though the year is 2023??? there was a massive nuclear fallout that destroyed the world and led to the dawn of mutant vegetable people in 2 years???? this game JUST came out 

,,,,i see

FUCK YEAH GRAVEYARD TIME 

WHO’S READY FOR GRAAAAAVE ROBBIIIIINNNGGG

you are very ungodly cute but your riddles make very little sense 

how come the pumpkins have carved faces though wouldn’t that be. horrifying

i dug up a grave and also dug up a ghost and then immediately got murdered by the ghost. i gotta say i deserved that one 

also found a great hat though so graverobbing is still worth it 

LOOK AT ALL OF THEM

we found the golden shovel and also we’re bird buddies now 

im also slightly radioactive now which seems to be causing a reaction in this can of beans h-

I AM YOUR CREATOR I MADE YOU WHY MUST WE FIGHT, MY ZOMBEAN SONS

why are the rest of the vegetables little people but the beans are zombies. i guess maybe that’s what happens when rotten food interacts with radiation?

this closet was also reacting violently to me but it wouldn’t open and i couldnt find any way to interact with it. i came back later and it wasnt glowing anymore. the fuck was in there 

GOST

oh GOD OH FUCK IM SORRY DID I DO THIS. I THINK I DID THIS. SORRY LIZ 

god this fight took me forever though lmfao i thought i was never getting out of here 

bald turnip............little mochi ball...........

anyway then mayor onion went god mode. WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIS. SURELY HE WAS ONLY ASKING FOR SUSPICIOUS MATERIALS FOR GOOD UPSTANDING CITIZEN PURPOSES

we got blasted to the moon or something and i briefly thought the entire vegetable land had just been destroyed lmfao 

i dont know how the greenhouse is up here. maybe they did get destroyed. how am i to know 

help,

anyway i blew up the god onion and that was that 

i love this ending screen it feels so. kirby 

the only postgame i could find... you just get put back right before the onion endgame stuff but theres now an interdimensional cat who tells you about things you missed. games that do the ‘the end!! now you’re stuck in just-before-the-end-limbo forever’ are a pet peeve of mine but ill forgive it, anyway, the only thing i missed (or the only thing the cat told me about anyway) was. i forgot to go back and talk to the freezer potato man so there was one more hat left. n then that was it so i guess i got everything else

anyway this game is very cute!! its short but you can tell a lot of love went into it. it feels friendly. its designed to be accessible and fun. if this dev team makes more games ill definitely be checking it out 

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: King-Size Annual Amazing Spider-Man #16: “Who’s That Lady?”

October, 1982

In case you wondered why I would keep titling my posts Essential Avengers: Avengers its because sometimes the thing after the colon won’t be Avengers.

Maybe I should have titled this liveblog something else but I’m in too deep.

This sure is a fun, striking cover featuring an all-new, all-different, and all-terrific Captain Marvel.

Memorable.

You may not remember who Captain Marvel is. He has come up a couple times in Avengers but in modern times, ‘he’ is not going to connect intuitively with Captain Marvel, especially now that Marvel has won the long tug-of-war with DC.

Here’s some courtesy links to the time the Avengers crossed into the Thanos War storyline from the Captain Marvel book.

But the long story short is that Captain Marvel was invented to trademark squat the name Captain Marvel, was a Kree captain who went against his people to help Earth, became a super saiyan, fought Thanos a bunch, got cancer, and died. In fact, he died February 1982 so its fairly recent that Marvel killed him off but since they still want to trademark squat, they need another Captain Marvel.

Hence, this.

And I’m very excited about this hence.

So, I’ve read a couple of Spider-Man annuals included in trades or as singles over the years and its interesting how often they are used to promote a new character. Spider-Man is the ultimate hype man.

So the ultimate hype man is at a bus station as the captions tell us how amazing he is, when his spider-sense goes squiggle lines to a perfectly normal woman walking past.

And the issue title and Peter are both like “Who’s That Lady?”

Peter’s second thought is how hot she is because... eh, he doesn’t get married until 1987.

Peter Parker: “Wow! I’ve never seen anyone like her before... not in the port authority bus terminal! She’s... stunning! Yeah... so why am I getting a spider-sense tingle from her? I can’t believe that she’d present any sort of threat... but my spider-sense never reacted to out-and-out beauty before!”

And since he has fifteen spare minutes until his Good Pals Liz and Hary Osborn’s bus shows up, he decides to stalk her a little. Y’know. For the public safety??

Geez.

He also sees that she’s going into a Bad Neighborhood and throws in a little victim blame, why not.

Peter: “Whoops! She’s definitely an out-of-towner! Native New Yorkers know better than to stroll through this neighborhood -- especially dressed as well as she is! She’s practically asking to be mugged!”

But since (and this may come as a surprise to you) mild-mannered Peter Parker is in fact, the Amazing Spider-Man, he darts into an alley to change into his spider-jammies and play guardian angel.

Of course, the instant he goes to change clothes is the instant that a pair of individuals accost the mysterious woman.

The one who looks like Kisuke Urahara fallen on hard times grabs her purse and runs off. Mysterious Woman gives chase because hey, that’s her purse you creep!

But it was a weird ruse to lure her away to a more secluded area and guy two grabs the Mysterious Woman.

So she flips him over her back and hits the purse snatcher with him.

I’m liking where this is going.

Guy Two, aka Mojo but not that one, decides maybe a knife will make Mysterious Woman be more pliant.

So Mysterious Woman dodges the knife thrust and then kicks the shit out of Mojo.

I’m continue to liking where this is going.

Guy one (Scud) decides that not getting beaten up is the better part of valor and takes off.

Right into Spider-Man’s fist.

Ah, excellent. Every uppanced has come.

Spider-Man notices that Mysterious Woman is making his spider-sense buzz harder than ever and decides that instead of lurking, he should just come right out and ask her deal.

By which he means jump out from behind her and suddenly start talking because taking people by surprise is always a good idea.

Anyway, the Mysterious Woman assumes that Spider-Man was Scud and on instinct swivels around and does him a shove. A really hard shove into a pile of garbage that knocks him senseless.

“It happens in a split second! Even before Spider-Man’s feet can touch the ground... even as his special senses tell him that he’s made a serious mistake... a sudden burst of pure force sends him flying.”

Goes to show. Don’t sneak up on people? Yeah, probably.

Mysterious Woman is like oh shit I just knocked out Spider-Man god damn I gotta get my power under control.

Then she CHOOMs her pantsuit into oblivion and reveals that she was dressed in layers with a more super-something outfit underneath.

Which is impressive considering that her outfit has some kind of wings/cape that go from the back to the arms that would not have fit under the pantsuit jacket. And also the boots probably wouldn’t have fit under the heels.

All in all, this may be the greatest display of power so far.

She does have to put on the mask/cowl and gloves because there’s not much of a way for those to have fit underneath.... her skin?

The wing/cape also has a pocket which means its also practical.

Nice.

So Spider-Man comes to musing that maybe he shouldn’t leap right at someone his spider-sense is telling him is dangerous.

And then the Mysterious Woman takes off from the alley with a KLA-BOOM - seemingly turning into a bolt of lightning and lighting up the sky over the Empire State Building.

Spider-Man: “Who am I up against here? And do I really want to find out?”

That’s a pretty striking costume.

The white and black contrast nice and the nova burst icon looks rad.

Not a fan of masks that don’t cover up much of anything. At that point you may as well not wear one? And the cape doesn’t make much sense for her powers? But it also has a pocket for her keys so and cash which makes it practical so I guess it balances out.

But overall its striking and memorable.

So up on the Empire State Building, this Mysterious Woman introduced as Captain Marvel so I can drop the pretense and start calling her Captain Marvel and hey wait the cover said Captain Marvel too, I’ve lived a sham.

But Captain Marvel muses about how big New York is compared to New Orleans and leans right into the flashback zone, because its time for the all-new all-different all-terrific Captain Marvel’s entire origin.

Just jammed right into the middle of this annual.

Lt. Monica Rambeau worked as one of New Orleans’ harbor patrol.

And in this flashback zone, she was just passed up for promotion and is unhappy about it. According to her, she was better than any of the people chosen and thinks that she was passed up because she’s a woman.

The Harbormaster says that Actually Its Because You’re a Loose Cannon and Doesn’t Do Things By the Book and also how dare you accuse him of sexism, gtfo of his office.

Harbor patrol is basically like boat cops, right?

At least he didn’t ask for her gun and badge.

Monica stomps back to her office, which I guess she has despite being a lieutenant. Good on her!

Professor Andre LeClare, a war buddy of Monica’s grandfather, is waiting for her in her office to ask for help.

In the advanced physics field Professor LeClare is considered a bit of a crackpot and only one man ever listened to his theories. A Generalissimo Ernesto Ramirez, a South American dictator.

In hindsight, LeClare acknowledges that maybe he didn’t do due diligence before accepting a job from a dictator but he was the only one who offered to fund his research.

Professor LeClare had discovered a way from drawing energy from other universes and dimensions (which I vaguely remember as the plot of an Asimov novel) but whoops, the actual dictator wants to weaponize it.

LeClare flees the Vague South American Country after failing to dissuade Ramirez but the dictator is undaunted and gets LeClare’s former assistant Felipe Picaro to continue the work on an old oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

Professor LeClare told the American government but nobody believed him. But if the weapon is completed it “will make the atomic bomb look like a wet match.”

Which: good lord.

Monica can understand why its hard to believe because she can barely believe it herself.

She’d also like to know what the professor even expect from her.

Professor LeClare: “Frankly, I’m not sure. I was hoping you could think of some way to convince the authorities. I had heard that you tend to approach things in a less orthodox manner than most.”

Monica, toasting with her Monica mug: “You’re not the only one who’s made that observation. Hmm... maybe I can think of something. After all, I have tomorrow off... and it is the least I could do for an old friend of the family.”

Seriously, that’s a cool mug, Monica.

The next morning, Monica takes LeClare out on a borrowed boat to go investigate the oil rig.

She’s going to investigate while the professor, and she is very clear on this, stays hidden on the boat.

Monica is a bit out of her depth here (nautical pun) because she doesn’t actually believe the professor, doesn’t have any jurisdiction out in the middle of the gulf, and even if she did doesn’t have any official backing from her boat cop boss. But she figures it won’t hurt to humor the old man.

Said old man also salutes her and calls her “mon capitaine” when she tells him to hide on the boat.

When she boats up to the oil rig, many armed guards politely tell her that this is private property and she needs to kindly gtfo.

But Monica has a secret weapon. You may have heard that she’s unorthodox and doesn’t do things by the book.

Her secret weapon is a winning smile but also a bikini.

Not only are all the guards ready to go ‘hey security isn’t as important as a woman in a bikini’ so is Dr. Picaro, the guy in charge on the rig.

Lets see Genis manage that.

So she manages to get a picnic with head honcho Picaro. Although he’s a creepy and stares a lot. But when she’s trying to sweet-talk him into spilling many of the beans, an intruder alarm goes off.

Guess who didn’t listen to the explicit instructions to stay on the boat, snuck onto the oil rig, tried to sabotage the project, and got caught?

Did you guess Professor LeClare? Because it was Professor LeClare.

Picaro is tickled to see his old boss here.

LeClare: “Picaro, you mustn’t use this device! You don’t understand the forces involved!”

Picaro: “I understand perfectly, LeClare! My energy disruptor, powered by the fruits of your theory, can totally obliterate any city within 200 miles!”

This shit is why Reed Richards is useless. You invent something useful like a device that steals energy from another universe and some asshole rolls in and goes ‘okay but can I make people explode with it?’

Wakanda invents the cure for cancer in a widely unpopular move, looks at the Marvel universe, and goes ‘someone is definitely going to try to turn this into a weapon, smh.’

Picaro is so drunk on his own hype that he decides he might as well do the first test here and now. And by here I mean Fort Benning, Georgia and by do the first test I mean wipe it off the map.

I feel like even if you had a new super-weapon effective enough to make the atomic bomb look like a wet match, this isn’t a very strategic way to use it.

But that’s why they call it mad with power, not reasonable with power.

Monica has bit by bit started to believe the professor and at this point it doesn’t matter whether she thinks any of this is possible as long as Picaro does.

So she elbow shoves him out of the way and punches the machine to death.

Because Monica Rambeau.

Of course it explodes.

That’s the natural reaction to being punched by Monica Rambeau.

Good thing this wasn’t an active oil rig!

Back in New Orleans, a streak of light strikes a wharf and turns into Monica Rambeau.

She staggers around the wharf in a daze, dizzy and finding it hard to think, but knowing she has to find help for the professor. Who may or may not have just been in an explosion.

She bangs on a... I don’t know. Some kind of storeroom or something. And bangs on the locked door, looking for help. She feels that she needs to get inside.

And the next thing she knows she’s somehow inside, without, to her best knowledge, interacting at all with the door.

Kinda mysterious. But she explicitly decides to worry about that later. She spots a radio and decides to broadcast a mayday on naval frequencies.

She doesn’t notice that the radio is unplugged and not really connected to anything.

And in fairness, reality doesn’t notice either.

Some energy suffuses the microphone and broadcasts her mayday message to a boat out in the Gulf of Mexico. The radio operator acknowledges the mayday and wonders what kind of power the sender was using because it came across too loud too clear.

Hmmm. What a mysterious happening.

Could Monica have, through being caught in a lab accident, gained amazing and spectacular powers?

Why, of course!

What genre do you think you’re reading?

With the message sent out, Monica spares some time to worry about what the heck that happened to her and realize that wow its cold in here in just a swimsuit!

Luckily, the random building is a storage warehouse with racks of costumes left over from Mardi Gras! What luck!

Of course, Mardi Gras. Most of it is less than she’s already wearing.

But she manages to combine parts of several outfits into one combined outfit. And even puts on a mask to spare herself the embarrassment of being spotted dressed like this!

I like that her costume is literally just something she threw together. Although I now have to wonder what the original outfits she scavenged from were like.

Actually, what I really like is that her original goal was to find something warm to wear. But she has superpowers now so has a superhero brain and superhero brain says ‘costume.’

So Monica puts on a superhero costume, even though she just wanted some pants.

Now dressed, she wanders out into the wharf and notices bolts of energy shooting up into the sky from the direction of the oil rig.

Worried about the professor, Monica manages to transport herself in a bolt of light to the oil rig.

These are some user friendly powers.

When Monica arrives she finds a bunch of already unconscious guards strewn about the landing pad.

She runs into the oil rig just in time to see Picaro shoot the professor.

Dang.

Picaro: “This is your fault, LeClare! You must have sabotaged my disruptor panel! It was perfect... you hear, perfect!!”

Well. He was trying to sabotage it. You might have a point.

Monica kicks Picaro to get him to drop the gun and then rushes over to Professor LeClare.

She wants to get him to safety but LeClare tells her that no place is safe now.

LeClare: “Felipe... wouldn’t listen! The power was too unstable. Energy is flooding in from another universe. Breaking down the wall between worlds. The hole in the air... is getting bigger! Within a day, it will be planet-sized! And then, both universes will smash into each other. We are doomed!”

Monica wonders whether this would have happened anyway or whether, y’know, punching the experimental physics machine had any negative effects.

Who can say!

Monica ponders how you plug a hole in nothing. Right before the space-time hole sucks her in and jams her in like a cork in a vacuum cleaner.

But its working, somehow, for some reason! The hole is sealing up around her! Science!

Hurts like the dickens though.

And its probably going to crush her as it closes. Which isn’t ideal.

It’d create a time paradox, for one thing. We’re in flashback country still.

Picaro decides that with a strange woman stuck in a space-time whatsit, now is the best time to shoot the professor AGAIN just in case he wasn’t bleeding to death hard enough.

Monica rushes to stop this. Turning into energy quick as lightning and intercepting the bullet.

She can do this.

And blasting free of the dimensional hole also sealed it shut.

AND she disintegrates Picaro’s gun, shocking him senseless in the process.

That’s what I call a win-win-win. Good job, Monica!

She decides to leave him and the others on the oil rig to international law when the navy arrives. She grabs the professor and takes him away to get patched up.

One of the soldiers, barely conscious mumbles something to himself as he watches them go.

Soldier with a mustache: “<Captain? H-he called her his captain! But she saved us... hah-ha-ha... saved... hah-ha... all of us!> Capitan est maravilla... est maravilla! Capitan est maravilla!”

Do you remember the first rule of superhero names? I’ll remind you in a bit.

Two days later, Professor LeClare visits Monica at the Harbor Patrol HQ.

He has run Science! tests that have proven conclusively that Monica’s body “was transubstantiated by the dimensional interface!”

And Monica is like ‘english pls’ so LeClare explains “what it means is you can change your body into any form of electromagnetic energy! You can actually become a sentient packet of radio waves, light, even electricity! You can go through solid objects as x-rays! You can travel at the speed of light! What’s more, you can release a small amount of energy as a blast of pure force, with no appreciable loss of body mass!”

Blasts of pure force from the pure force dimension!

So basically, Monica can become any kind of energy and go pew pew. I think she became Green Lantern energy once, that time the Avengers and Justice League crossed over.

LeClare also brought a gift.

He had a copy made of Monica’s scavenged together mardi gras outfit costume. Which is sort of a ‘thanks?’ gift because maybe she wanted to design a costume that wasn’t a hodgepodge. But LeClare’s version is also made of unstable molecules.

You can just buy those, apparently.

But, if you can just buy those, apparently, then you definitely want to because they’re pretty durable and put up with all kinds of nonsense. Although, Monica’s random outfit could turn to energy and back already.

Monica is like ‘thanks?’ because she doesn’t know if she ever wants to use these powers again.

LeClare: “We all have a destiny to fufill, mon capitaine.”

Monica: “Will you stop calling me that? You know darn well that I’m only a lieutenant!”

LeClare: “Oh? Not in the eyes of some!”

And he pulls out a newspaper, in case she hadn’t seen the newspaper.

The headline is “Who is Capt. Marvel?” because when the navy arrived at the oil rig, they found mustache soldier hysterically saying “the captain is a marvel!” (or possibly “captain is wonderful”?) and not bothering to have learned Spanish, the navy assumes that he was saying Captain Marvel.

Anyway, remember the first rule of superhero names?

The first thing someone randomly shouts about you becomes your codename so I hope you like it.

Monica lucked out. Captain Marvel is a pretty sweet name. So sweet that she’ll have it stolen in like three different ways by other people. Poor Monica.

LeClare: “Monica, you can do things no man has ever dreamed of doing! Two days ago, you told me you took this job ‘to serve and protect’. Much good can be done with your powers... Captain Marvel!”

So then we get Monica quitting the boat cops, tossing her gun and badge on the harbormaster’s desk and telling him where he can shove it.

Monica: “I don’t need your little ranks or your little minds any more! I’ve already made captain... on my own!”

Monica’s ex-boss, presumably: ‘What a cryptic thing to say.’

LeClare asks if she’s sure about quitting. I assumed he was suggesting she quit when he was encouraging her to become a superhero but I guess not.

Monica says that she’s been wanting to quit for years because as long as that ‘tyrant’ was in charge what with his wanting to do things by the book, Monica was limited in what she could accomplish.

Ha ha ha oh thats a bad take thats a bad take on reasons why to quit being a (boat) cop.

‘If only it weren’t for all these RULES and PROCEDURES -shakes fist-’

So Monica walks off with LeClare, to a bright new beautiful tomorrow as a superhero.

Anyway, that’s the end of the flashback zone so now we’re back on the Empire State Building zone where Monica has been reminiscing this whole time.

Apparently that enormous flashback all happened only a few short weeks ago. She’s had a long and entirely off-screen superhero career in those weeks, probably.

But she needs SCIENCE! help and Professor LeClare has scienced as hard as he can already.

Captain Marvel Monica is suffering from energy buildup and she’s afraid she’s going to become as big a threat to the world as Picaro’s machine. If she doesn't’ consciously hold it in check, it would overcome her.

I imagine she hasn’t been sleeping much.

But this is New York and SCIENCE! help is visible on the skyline.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man has finally made it up the Empire State Building.

So that’s really why the flashback was so long, to give Spider-Slowpoke time to catch up.

Spider-Man: “There she is, bold as brass! I’ll slap a little webbing on her, and see what’s shaking! Or should I? What if she’s a good guy, and I’m misreading my senses? I’d look like a fool!”

Truly, social shame is the best reason not to sneak attack someone.

Spider-Man: “Naw, if she’s a good guy, she’ll understand that I couldn’t take any chances! Besides, my chest still smarts!”

... Dammit, Peter.

But when he shoots a webline, she ZOOMS out of the way. Coincidentally. She never even noticed he was there. Monica just found where she needed to head and headed there in a flash.

Spider-Man tries to find where she went by checking the binoculars she was using but the seeing-stuff expired and Spider-Man doesn’t have a quarter. He doesn’t even have a pocket.

A tourist child comes up to the viewing platform and asks who Spider-Man is.

Spider-Man: “No need to panic, kid. I’m Spider-Man.”

Tourist child: “Who’s panickin’? Besides, there ain’t no Spider-Man... my dad says he’s just a hoax the media barons cooked up to sell papers!”

Spider-Man: “I don’t want to argue, but I am Spider-Man. And I need a quarter -- it’s important!”

Tourist child: “I may be from Council Bluffs, but I’m not stupid! If you want a quarter, prove that you’re Spider-Man!”

Is Spider-Man desperate enough to perform for a child like a trained monkey?

Yes. Obviously.

Thankfully, all it takes is climbing up the wall and standing.

He gets his quarter and it didn’t cost too much dignity.

Spider-Man feeds the binoculars a quarter and sees what building Monica was looking at and decides this means trouble!

And swings off.

Leaving tourist child to tell his parents about this.

Tourist child: “Mom! Dad! I just met Spider-Man! Wait’ll I tell the guys back home! No, really, dad -- honest!”

Tourist dad: “Dougie, look out that door! Do you see anything? No. Spider-Man is just a creation of the Eastern establishment!”

Tourist mom: “Harold, I told you we shouldn’t have let him go out there! The air this high is too thin for a growing boy!”

Tourist child Dougie: “Aw, mom!”

Oof, that poor child.

But where is Monica and, much more slowly, Spider-Man heading?

The Baxter Building!

Fantastic Four guest star role?

Mmm, one-quarter of that.

When Monica arrives, the place looks like its been torn apart by some sort of Terrax because that’s what happened. Monica doesn’t know that it was specifically Terrax but she certainly guesses that some kind of battle-axe was to blame.

Only Ben Grimm is present and asks her who the heck she is.

Captain Marvel: “I... I’m Captain Marvel.”

The Thing: “Not unless ya came back from the dead by way of Denmark, ya ain’t! Marv died months ago. ‘Sides, he was a blond.”

Captain Marvel: “There was another Captain Marvel? I - I’m sorry... I didn’t know.”

The Thing: “Aw, don’t sweat it... Marv probably wouldn’t mind. I probably ain’t the only Thing in the world, either!”

I guess Captain Marvel wasn’t a very well-known superhero. Then again, maybe superheroes aren’t very well known outside of New York?

The tourists from Council Bluffs thought Spider-Man was a hoax and Monica was only aware of Spider-Man in a very vague ‘oh right I read about him’ sort of way.

Guess the Avengers and the Fantastic Four are the exceptions.

Anyway, Monica explains the situation to Ben that she might explode like a 1000 megaton bomb.

And unfortunately, Reed Richards Is Useless. Although in this case because he’s off on vacation with Sue at Martha’s Vineyard and there’s no way to reach him in time.

Ben comes up with another idea. Maybe the Avengers can help! Because he knows this is an Avengers liveblog and I need a certain amount of Avengers content or I wouldn’t be here.

Although really its because he has the vague sense that the Avengers seem to have a lot of science savvy.

When Ben punches up a call to the Avengers, Captain Marvel is like ‘kthx’ and zips along the transmission because time is very much a factor here!

Unfortunately frying the radio in the process because it wasn’t intended to take a whole energy person through it.

Spider-Man arrives just after Monica leaves (because see also: Spider-Slowpoke). He asks Ben if he saw her and Ben makes a statement that could, on its face, perhaps be misinterpreted.

The Thing: “See her? She just fried my radio! Dangdest thing I ever saw! She changed into a buncha radio waves and headed for Avengers mansion! I hope they can handle her before she explodes!”

Spider-Man: “Explodes? She explodes too?! She’s more of a menace than I thought!”

Hey. Hey, Peter. I don’t want to hear that from you. There’s a hilarious irony to you saying those words that I don’t think you grasp.

And he swings off to Avengers Mansion to go help deal with this cough menace, not hearing Ben trying to tell him he’s got the wrong idea.

The Mighty Marvel Misunderstanding fight tradition trumps sound waves.

Meanwhile, at Avengers Mansion, Iron Man is sitting down on a nice monitor duty, probably just enjoying the quiet when he receives a priority signal from the Fantastic Four.

SURPRISE ITS MONICA

I think what I like most is that Iron Man has apparently had to tell the FF to stop calling about Galactus.

The Avengers’ systems are also unable to handle the sudden energy discharge of an entire person, so Monica’s arrival messes up the mansion security systems and also Iron Man.

Whoops.

The security stunulators, that the Avengers totally have, suddenly start shooting at Jarvis. So you know they’re messed up because who would want to hurt that delightful man?

Captain Marvel is dismayed to find that bad things have happened because of her and Iron Man is like hey if that tone is sincere, maybe help me out? I’m stuck in my bricked armor, not naming any names, but a tiny spark across the chestplate will reset things.

Except, Captain Marvel can’t exactly dial back that much and that exactly so Iron Man is just stuck waiting for help.

Jarvis arrives to report on the security system and finds Captain Marvel standing over Iron Man. And Monica makes an admission which could, on its face, perhaps be misinterpreted.

Jarvis: “Master Iron Man! We’ve lost power all over the building and... what on Earth?!”

Captain Marvel: “My... my powers shut down his armor.”

Jarvis: “Shameless trollop! The other Avengers will not let this attack go unanswered!”

Geez, Jarvis! Rude!

That is a very impolite thing to say to someone!

Jarvis then runs off to try and find some other Avengers.

And he runs right into Spider-Man who has just arrived (and had to dodge past a crowd that assumes Spider-Man is somehow to blame for whatever is going on. Sucks when people assume the worst of you).

Jarvis doesn’t like to trust Spider-Man, knowing so little about him, but decides he doesn’t have any other choice.

Meanwhile, Captain Marvel is wandering through the hallways of Avengers Mansion. Since she couldn’t jump-start him, Iron Man suggested she lock herself in the adamantium containment chamber that the Avengers totally have in their lab.

Just in case she really does happen to explode.

Good ol’ Iron Man, thinking through the angles. Huh. I wonder if that chamber later gets repurposed into the Zero Chamber that brought Jack of Hearts so much misery before he too exploded.

Spider-Man sneak attacks Captain Marvel, finally getting to web her up. But with a mighty WOOMPF! she blasts free of the webbing.

Spider-Man: “You... you stretched my webbing! Even ripped it in places! But no one this side of the Juggernaut can do that!”

Captain Marvel: “Look, I’m sorry I blasted you earlier! If you want, we can settle accounts later... but not now! My time is running out!”

She does the Solar Flare, like a Goku, but Spider-Man uses the secret move of shutting his eyes. And then grabs her by the upper arms.

This might end the fight against some opponents but not the all-new all-different all-terrific Captain Marvel.

No, the fight ends two panels later. Monica turns her body into electricity so Spider-Man knocks her unconscious once she unzaps.

Hm. Considering she has enough power to blow up a city, she kind of has a glass jaw. Then again, she’s conspicuously trying not to explode. Doesn’t leave a lot of concentration for taking a hit.

Which was heckin’ rude of Pete.

And it happens that aside from being a dick move, this was also a very BAD thing to have done. I’ll let Iron Man sum it up.

Iron Man: “You young fool!”

Hah.

Hooo. Spider-Man is not coming off well in his own dang book, is he? Guess that’s part of being the hype man.

So, off-screen, the Wasp jump-started Iron Man’s armor with her Wasp sting. Because it’s bio-electricity, some of the times.

Iron Man: “The woman you K.O.ed came for help, not as an enemy! Now that she’s unconscious, she could explode any second -- unless we can leach off her excess power.”

Iron Man tells Spider-Man if he wants to make amends, to rip some cable out of the ceiling because of course the Avengers Mansion is riddled with high-induction cable.

Since the only thing they have immediately available that can handle the kind of power they need to siphon is Iron Man, he has Spider-Man wrap the unconscious Marvel in the cables and webs them to Iron Man’s iron nipples, or whatever those lugnuts are for.

In fact, since the webbing is non-conductive, he has Spider-Man cover him in it head to toe except for raised hands.

The Wasp: “Iron Man, are you sure your armor can withstand the stress?”

Iron Man: “No. If this doesn’t work... it’s been nice knowing you, Jan!”

And now Spider-Man, realizing that he triggered this by knocking out Monica and that Iron Man may possibly die from this, feels like a real asshole. A complete kneebiter.

Spider-Man: (Some hero I am! I try to stop what I think is a menace, and wind up causing something even worse. If they die...)

The Wasp: “Uh, Spider-Man? We really should get out of here -- just in case Iron Man can’t contain Captain Marvel’s power.”

Spider-Man: “Captain... Marvel? Did you say Captain Marvel?!?”

The Wasp: “No relation to the old one!”

Spider-Man: “Oh, that’s just dandy! I may have doomed a new Captain Marvel! Wasp, I feel like a total clod!”

And prepare to feel worse, Spider-Man! Because while you were feeling sorry for yourself, the energy has built up so much that there’s no time to actually get to a safe distance!

Spider-Man spins a web-barrier for himself and Wasp but echoes Iron Man’s “nice knowing you” when Wasp asks what happens if it doesn’t hold.

Lotta fatalism on this page.

Within the web cocoon, Iron Man shunts the energy from Captain Marvel into his own armor. And specifically into the repulsor ray generators.

Which is to say that he releases the excess energy by blasting two giant repulsor blasts through the mansion ceiling and into the sky.

I like this plan because its ridiculous.

I mean it works really well. Everybody is alive. The city didn’t explode. But it hinged on Iron Man blasting holes into his own house and into the sky. Today, it was he who was the sky light column as seen in movies.

The Thing finally arrives via cab, expecting that everything has gone to hell if Spider-Man got involved.

And to be fair, he’s not wrong, just arriving at the wrong moment to see the gone to hell. The Avengers have tidied up the hell by this point and are having a hangout sesh.

Everyone is hanging around to meet the new Captain Marvel. Its turned from a calamity to a “Sunday social” to quote Hawkeye.

I like that Captain Marvel and Captain America are shaking hands. And that he calls her captain.

I don’t remember who (probably Hawkeye? Or maybe Wonder Man? Some dick) in a later baseball game crossover between the east coast and West Coast Avengers where whoever refuses to call her Captain because only Captain America is captain in their mind. But Cap is just like ‘hello there fellow captain.’

I see that She-Hulk is back in her Iconic tm Duds of the white torn dress. Artists that weren’t working inside the actual Avengers book just had no idea what she was wearing. I think I can conclude that from a cover, a filler issue, and another book all depicting her in the Savage She-Hulk outfit.

Also, I don’t get the joke she’s making. Anyone have any idea?

Captain Marvel even covers for Spider-Man. When Ben asks her if she got her exploding problem sorted, she thanks the Avengers and Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: (That’s one I owe you, C.M.) “Why so surprised, Benjy? I’m always happy to help out another super-star!”

The Thing: “Well... I guess there’s a first time for everything!”

Time reminds Spider-Man that before this Avengers plot fell into his lap, that he had a Spider-Man plot going on.

Remember?

Harry and Liz arriving by bus?

So he rushes back to the bus stop and finds that nobody has paged Peter Parker while he’s been gone. He figures that Harry and Liz must have gotten tired of waiting and ditched.

But actually, their bus was delayed and they’ve only just now arrived. The timing worked out pretty well actually!

This is one time where, at the end of the day, things worked out for Peter Parker!

I mean. He had to be an asshole to drive the plot but that’s the Peter Parker experience to be honest. He does that sometimes. And today, his making things worse powers were used for good to hype up a new character.

But you can see from that next time box why I needed to cover this issue. Because Captain Marvel is going right from here to being in the Avengers book and this annual is the circumstances for how that happens.

You’re welcome.

I quite like Monica Rambeau. We don’t see a lot of her powers here aside from NYOOM and we don’t see her interact with the Avengers much aside from Iron Man briefly so that’s what I’m looking forward to. More of her become any energy powers and what her dynamic with the Avengers will be like.

I’m hype.

As an intro to her, I’m torn. Her origin was pretty cool. But the present day adventure didn’t let her be as cool because she was just trying not to explode. She did accidentally punk Spider-Man a few times and got the best of some muggers. Its fine.

It just feels like there’s a sudden, jarring shift between the triumphant new hero new powers new costume and even a supporting character and ‘actually i’m going to explode whoops.’

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