#living alone abroad

[nolongerdani]

a tad bit homesick.

It’s been a week since I’ve moved countries and while I’m having fun exploring the place, immersing myself in its culture, I can’t help but feel homesick. 

I don’t know how my brother or my predecessors did it, but while I do love being alone and living alone in another country has always been my dream, I can’t help but long for my home country and yearn its familiarity and warmth. Maybe not the transportation or the shitty system, but for the people I love. 

It’s weird not getting to see them anytime that I want. It’s weird not seeing familiar faces and places. And it’s weird not being able to eat homecooked meals. 

I know I’ll be busy in the next few months with school, but this last week of freedom is making me feel things, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. 

Nevertheless, I’m still grateful for this opportunity, and for the love and support I receive from my friends, at home and here. 

[stephaniedola]

ive been tracking my food/macronutrient intake lately For Science and because i want to reach a point where I'm eating a bit more of a balanced diet and I've noticed a few things

despite being overweight according to BMI (debunk this indicator if you haven't already) I've actually been operating under a calorie deficit for my activity level on most days. this was eye-opening, since i want to be bulking and i kinda assumed i was overeating

ideal daily calorie intake for me (with a goal of weight maintainence, not loss or gain) is actually between 2500 and 3000 kCal/day. that means that for me to build significant muscle mass i need to be eating MORE than that

getting enough protein and eating less processed carbs is HARD! ive been actively supplementing protein and im still only consuming 15-20% of my daily calories as protein when over 40% is ideal for muscle growth with my body type

i actually feel a lot better when i actually eat enough kCal to sustain my body comfortably rather than attempting to eat less. if you have POTS, PCOS or another disorder that effects your metabolism, this is even more important

TL;DR: please don't let diet culture rot your brain

[mwagneto]

the main problem other than my country (NOT AMERICA🇭🇺) being a corrupt fascist shithole is that if i stay in the same place doing the same thing for too long i start going insane like just the idea of having to do another year of uni makes me want to gnaw at the bars of my cage that doesn't exist. slow tigers chasing me etc. but like 1) i need a degree 2) i need to get out of the country asap 3) having a degree would help me to/when i get out 4) i cannot bear the thought of buckling down and doing my work til mid 2026 like oh my.god. taking a gap year is definitely helping i literally only spent like 2 weeks of this semester in my house but like i need my entire life to be like that not just a few months of it. maybe i should work as a steward on a plane or smtg i dont KNOWW

[wee-english-fella]

have realised all my current comfort media is about people escaping big cities and building lives they love and finding their people in small mostly coastal communities....... much to think about........

[ID in alt text]

[bonksoundeffect]

The born in Eastern Europe curse of knowing you were doomed from the start

[batsinurbelfrey]

.

[mila-carat]

I was watching this Chinese variety show just to see Ricky and Zhang Hao but then I saw one of the hosts was Zhang Zhenyuan and now I want to cry… 😭💔

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

wdym pedro sánchez might step down from being president

[saetiate]

in my mind nagi and reo and reader all go to the same super fancy private school growing up and your parents are all friends and you all spend every summer at reo's family's summer house

[mindofmellilla]

alone at brunch

i’m sitting at this cafe i love when this family walks in and they sit at the table next to me. the mother sits on the bench with her youngest son and her daughter on either side of her. the older son takes the chair in front of them and the father glances over at my table and graciously asks if he could please have the empty chair across from me and i agree. i sit there reading my book while sipping my green concoction of ice and matcha as this family interacts and converses. the youngest son, also the one seated closest to me, fiddles with his shoe laces as the daughter asks her mother if she could tell her about her latest discovery about the planets. the father is trying to figure out that qr code menu while the older son decides to dump the sugar packets from their container onto the table and arrange them like some sugar packet castle. as i glance over to them before looking out the giant window near them i can’t help but think about my own family, about my mother and father and my sister and brother, about how i was with them just a few days ago. about how we were laughing together and debating acting performances in a film we had just seen. and i can’t help but smile, i miss them it’s been barely three days but i miss them terribly. i think about calling my mom right now, but i decide not to, she’s probably at work anyways. i could message my dad but he’s got lots to do. my sister maybe, but what would i even say? would i ask her about her search for colleges or if she’d finally decided what major she’d apply to? no, that would only annoy her, i don’t want to be a grievance. i could message my brother, send him a quick text, but he’s 12 and i don’t really know what to say to him, talking to him is always weird because he’s quite mature but acts like a 3 year old and i never knew how to talk to him when he was 3. besides his phone is probably out of charge. i usually love being in my own company. i usually love eating by myself. but right now with this family right next to me with eldest son having completed his castle of sugar, and the mother taking a picture of her daughter as she bites into a strawberry, and the youngest son licking his spoon clean of chocolate syrup, i see just how alone i am. ‘i love being alone,’ i remind myself, ‘i love being alone.’ yes. i love being alone; i hate being lonely.

i hope you enjoyed this little entry, writing it was somewhat cathartic. xo mellilla

[sheasani-giyoret]

I do desperately want to keep a totally kosher kitchen but I live with family and I already feel like I’m being an undue burden

[mainfaggot]

first day of classes on wed :( little sister is going to the same uni as me, so i have to take her on a public transport slash campus tour one-on-one tmrw as well :/ WHY CANT SHE JUST USE GOOGLE MAPS AND ASK NICE STRANGERS FOR DIRECTIONS LIKE I DID 2 YRS AGO??? ugh. shes so lucky im niceys.

[gingerbreadmonsters]

have to go back to the embassy tomorrow and i would so deeply love to walk into the ocean

[girlivealwaysbean]

okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late

[kimmkitsuragi]

i will be in a different country in one week and im sick (i got better!! but then i got worse again 💀) and i have millions of things to do everyday this week + so many trips/events already planned and paid the next week... this is seriously the weirdest week of my life

[bykremi]

new vlog on tuesday, here's a sneak peak (my youtube)